#died in my jorts

[mister-heart]

Owiiiie

[goldrushenthusiast]

which had more cultural significance the renaissance or Will Solace wearing jorts and flip flops to hell don’t hesitate

[paintpaintpaintman]

Dropkick your spouses my Leader, it'll be funny

I will miss this ask in my ask box dearly

YOU GOT IT, ANON!

Absolutely did not need to resurrect 4 people for +25 faith but the process was too sweet a deal. Jort is the worst one.

Fuck you Jort, all the issues started with Jort. I was married to Mercius and I was so excited and then stupid Jort took him away from me!!!! If it was someone else, sure. But Jort???? Jean Shorts the piss donkey?????? Who falls in love with a piss donkey named fucking Jort. So I killed Jort. And then I killed Mercius and proceeded to manic-marry Urion and Juulius, but it just wasn't the same. So I brought Jort and Mercius back, but I married Jort in front of stupid Mercius and then killed him again. All in a days work 😎

And now, I live in fear every day that Narinder will be the fifth god seduced by Jim Pickens original.

So 1) all of them died from old age accept STUPID AWFUL HORRENDOUS MERCIUS WHO BROKE MY HEART OVER A MAN NAMED JORT

and

2) I am actually wonderful at naming cultists and do NOT have a bias with names towards the ones I like

[chinesefirethorn]

THE KAGES AND THEIR GREEN BEASTS

But a modern day AU take with the whole family and the ninken! Ningame is chilling at home, thank you very much. :) This thing took much longer to sketch and color than I anticipated. Hahhhh hahahaha.

Headcanons and easter eggs after the cut

RasaDai: Is it crack? Yes. Is it impossible? Yes, yes, they’re both dead. Do I still ship them? HELL YES. My old old man yaoi (crack) rarepair. Rasa inherits the nearly bankrupt firm from his deceased bastard of a father, and had to devote his whole life to work. He loses Karura after she gives birth to Gaara, and now he’s a single dad whose grown up kids hate his guts. Can this old man still find love with an older DILF? Except he’s definitely not going to wear that green tracksuit. (also that’s Suna designer wear on Rasa and Pakkun’s carrier)

KakaGai: These boys. These men. Husbands, rivals, friends, eternal loves. Kakashi with his jorts and baby pink crocs 😂 (thanks @urieskooki for the color pick) with ANBU gibbets. Gai with Daytime Tiger-inspired shoes! I love having Bisuke perching on Gai and adopting his sparkles ✨. Kakashi giving Gai the ‘I’m pinning you down later’ look. Also, if you really want to know what Kakashi’s reading, check the tags. ;)

GaaLee: My loves, my babies 🥰 Okay I gave Gaara his Shippuden pants bands and his shoes are gourd inspired. He’s excited to finally get to hold a puppy and promptly carries the meanest-looking one (Urushi, surprised, gives a tentative tail wag). In the meantime, Lee has their snacks and drinks ready ❤️ The man is smitten with Gaara. He is composing love songs for him as we speak. He’s also rocking dragon-print kicks (I used my own dragon design from the CNY card).

The Ninken: Ok some headcanons. All the dogs were adopted by Kakashi, except for Pakkun who was his dad’s pet before he died. Pakkun prefers to ride in his carrier than to walk in his older years. Akino, being partially blind, sticks close to his emotional support dog (Pakkun). Shiba is giving puppy eyes to Rasa in case he can get pets. Guruko being a naughty baby running between people’s legs. Bull is just chilling with his new collar—Kakashi replaced the spikes with pompoms for comfort. Uhei likes Lee best and stays close to him.

This image wouldn’t have been completed without encouragement and feedback from @egregiousderp @bayheart @urieskooki Glugchat and the good people who enable me at the KakaGai discord. Mwah love you all.

[bluecatwriter]

There's a long history of Dracula adaptations clearly made by people who have never read the book.

I think in this fine tradition you specifically should adapt the Beetle without reading it

You are SO right, anon. I am going to direct the movie version of The Beetle upon which all other adaptations will be based! It will full of iconic quotes that are not in the book and I will butcher all the themes and characters!

Initial thoughts:

-Robert Holt will be played by some no-name actor who is putting his entire heart, soul and mind into the performance. The Brick Guy is also played by this guy. The first part of the movie is filmed in a very straightforward period-drama style, with the exception of a Carpet Scene, which is filmed in soft focus like a "flashback to dead wife" scene.

-Robert will also of course be referred to as "Bobert" and wear jorts. Alas, he does not get a GAP sweatshirt or a slushie in this version because there are no Ordinary Solicitors to save him.

-The Beetle will be portrayed as just a beetle of varying sizes, and they will be CGI. Specifically the really low-budget bad CGI of the early 2000s. This is very important for my artistic vision.

-Paul Lessingham will also be CGI.

-The cat will be a real cat, and will be voiced by the guy who voiced Garfield from the 1990s Garfield and Friends cartoon.

-I am open to casting suggestions for Sydney Atherton, although again, I suspect that it would be best to forgo celebrities and cast a guy who has played the comic-relief guy in Oklahoma at community theater one too many times. I will change nothing about Sydney Atherton's atrocities, and will in fact probably add a few more, but all the other characters will say how manly and wonderful he is while he's like beating someone to death with a cricket bat in the background. The movie critics will read a lot into this directing choice.

-I will make Marjorie and Dora both girlbosses™ by giving each of them a sword and a multi-level marketing business. They will contribute nothing to the plot and I will be offended if people think they are bland characters.

-I don't really know the other characters, so they will be played by a gender-inclusive rotating cast, and everyone will keep mixing up their names. The goal is for it to be impossible to keep track of who's doing what at all times.

-The cat still dies but goes to Cat Heaven and there's a whole musical dream sequence (inspired by 1930s cartoons and musical numbers from Gene Kelly movies) about the cat having a really great time in Cat Heaven.

-During some mundane scene with this rotating cast of characters and CGI Paul Lessingham, Bobert will dramatically die of starvation in the background. Nobody notices.

-The train crash will be on-screen instead of off, and there will be a very long monologue from the train themself as they dramatically fall off a broken bridge (this will be a practical effect with a full-sized train). This monologue will be delivered by the same guy who plays the cat, and if the actor isn't crying real tears by the end, we will redo the take until we get it. There will be a lot of montaging and soft focus. We will give the train a tragic backstory, but the train is also kind of accepting of their fate, you know? The book of Ecclesiastes will probably be mentioned somewhere in here.

-I will be diverging from canon by having Sydney Atherton die in the train crash. Not from the train, though, he chokes on a shrimp cocktail moments before the train hits the ground.

-Credits roll

-Epilogue scene: Sydney Atherton ends up in Cat Heaven and all the cats jump on him like the hyenas at the end of Lion King and there's just a giant wriggling ball of cats. Bobert is there too, drinking a slushie in the background. Hard cut to black.

[jlheon]

PENGIE’S ROMANCE : UNTOLD REVIEW !!!!

this is me dancing to album of the year BTW.

moonstruck — IM CRAZY. OH MY HOD. GHIS IS MY DAMN SONH. im speechless its so good … PLEEK INJECT INTO MY VEINS 10/10

xo (only if you say yes) — OH MY GOD..??? hello. why did the music stop that scared me so bad. EVERYTHING IS COMING OUT OF THEIR HANDS??? chloe reveal pleek i wanna know if i want her too. THE WINGS?? peng just died BTW. JORTS !!! OMG!! ok wow super bop. WHY WAS IT SO SHORT THO !? T^T guys bring back 3 min songs i beg. 8/10 FOR NOW BECOZ NO BRIDGE N SHORT 😓

your eyes only — this is so glitter gel pen of them oh my gosh !!!! what i’m lit in love!!! WE CAN INDEED SUGAR TALK WUTTTT !!! this reminds me of twice formula of love era is this too niche?? 9/10 TEW SHORT.

hundred broken hearts — oh my god. i keep saying oh my god but OH MY GOD. THE VOCALS PLEEK SEDATE ME. i am holding my super not broken heart becuz jay said so. this is so yukika coded (dont ask why) this sounds like city pop i might be wrong tho?! 10/10 WOWOWOW

brought the heat back — IM JUMPINH AROUND N BOUNCINH OFF THE WALLS!!! OKAY FSOS !!!!!!!! wahooooooo YAS U R BRINGING THAT HEAT BACK!! JAY VOCALSSSSSS 9/10

paranormal — anna’s song!!! okay pinkpantheress ❤️ I LOVE THE BEAT HELLOOOOOOO? let me die rn! GUYS IM DANCING!!! 8.5/10 OH MY GOODNESS

royalty — this is summer happy time me at the beach (i hate the beach but id go for them) THIS IS SO HAPPY I AM SO HAPPY RN!!! this is so teenage girl montage coded!! 10 more seconds and it could have been 3 mins sobs 10/10

highway 1009 — this is me and imaginary bf song i thinks !! wow i need this at my wedding i think 🙁❤️ ME AND MY FAKE BOYFRIEND R DANCING TO THIS AS WE SPEAK 10/10 im so happy rn

xo ft jvke — THE ENGLISH LYRICS ATE WAHOOOO 10/10

highway 1009 (narr ver) — i couldnt find the track yet becoz only on cd BUT OYY PHILIPPINES!!! 😭😭❤️❤️ omg so many languages :3 this is awesome guys i hope your lang 10/10

ok guys now i need to sleep. THIS IS SO GLITTER GEL PEN GIRL GROUP CODED OKAY!!!!!!!!!!! ENHA BRINGING BACK REAL MUSIC ❤️ BRING BACK 3 MINUTE SONGS.

[preciadosbass]

11/8/24 [PARAGRAPH 3 & 4!!! — draft from sunday. key & significant photo/s at end]

woke up at 10:20 and made myself breakfast. i ate it outside with boris in the sun and tried my best to be productive while being on my phone [e.g, make a fursona/oc/journal entry etc.] but failed miserably. i just scrolled on tiktok and saved a few videos i could use for outfit inspiration. i went back inside after 30+ minutes, got dressed [skinless shirt, dark cargo jorts + matching bracelets consisting of spiked cuffs and band bracelets, motorbike socks] and looked up a couple can tab bracelet tutorials. i know that i don’t have enough for the particular design i want to make, but i’m getting there. my dad’s sister, my aunt, has multiple pepsis a day and has been collecting can tabs for me.

i went back next door with my sister after giving up on the bracelet for the moment and saying goodbye to boris. when i arrived i just sat on my own while my sister went on the swings. a group of girls my age walked past and laughed at me and after a few minutes i got called over with the other kids to make a keyring. i honestly much preferred that but i think the staff thought i was a part of the actual camp anyways so i don’t think i had much choice either way. i picked out a star shaped template and a blue floral sticker to go on it. i stuck it on, but couldn’t cut around the star completely — so i put it in my bag for another time at home where i can use one of those tiny knives to carve all the imperfections out.

once id done i went back over to the bouncy castle. this time round, only 8 people were allowed on it at a time and this younger girl was being really bratty about it, as in acting like she owned the place, which was odd, because yesterday it was fine and nothing bad happened. but kids are just like that. she kept on going around to people and launching herself onto them, she also decided to boot me over and over again on my bruised shin which was fun 😭. i tried telling her we don’t even know eachother and ive just been sitting there but she didn’t care. she kicked me and almost everyone else off using her sister that was my age so i got off and just sat beside it while people watching.

the same member of staff from the keyrings sat next to me and just exclaimed ‘panic! at the disco?’ — reffering to my panic! band bracelet. i nodded and she started speaking about liking that type of music too. more when she was younger, but she’s still into it, she said. she took out her phone and started asking me if i’ve been to see any live bands. i told her about me seeing the mcr + fall out boy tributes, pierce the veil, cavalera conspiracy, and my upcoming concerts. [slipknot, falling in reverse, possibly the tributes again but idk was its the day before fir]. she started speaking about how she has family in scotland and therefor goes to festivals there a lot and then casually says she’s seen fall out boy 4+ TIMES??? i literally could’ve curled up and died right there and then after hearing that come out of her mouth.

she also spoke to me about seeing slipknot 20 years ago, and then she showed me one of her friends instagram pages. then she came out with that that friend, has another friend, who is the sibling of someone from PIERCE THE VEIL?? WHAT THE FUCK. i was so taken aback but she unfortunately couldn’t remember what their name was because they were told years ago now — and she couldn’t find pictures of them together despite trying as the friend is a concert photographer and it’s importable to sort through the thousands of photos.

i out of interest asked if she’d seen linkin park and she said she did at milton keynes in 2008?? with jayZ?? RAAA. i got told that everyone was leaving in 30 minutes so i stayed speaking to her until people started loading themselves onto their coach and i set off for home. it was really cool speaking to that woman and its a shame i’ll probably never see her again or get to know any more info. although it was awesome meeting someone like me that was quite a lot older. when i got home i fussed boris on the driveway and had a 20 minute nap before leaving for my other aunts house [6pm]. i said goodbye to boris, and on the way to the car, my dad showed me this injured butterfly. it was a shame because it looked so young. i held it and then placed it onto a bush before leaving. [photo at end]

since the concert, i’ve been listening to the setlist on repeat. so i obviously did even more on the way to my aunts, although the drive is really short. once i got there i stayed in the living room for a bit and greeted the family of mine that was there. there was only my grandad, his fiancé, my aunt + uncle, and one of my cousins girlfriends there. that cousin in question is on holiday, the other moved out, and the other also moved out. i didn’t really know what to speak about and my parents sparked a conversation between the others anyway so i went to see what my sister was up to. she was playing fnaf security breach so i watched her.

i had my phone out ready to record her getting jumpscared and i caught a video of her doing exactly that over moondrop. i’m surprised that i’ve never watched anyone play security breach before even though i was really excited when it came out. i don’t usually watch my sister play stuff unless it’s the last of us/the evil within/silent hill at 8:30 i stopped watching jay and went for a walk with my mum, dad, aunt, + grandads fiancé. [+ archie and my aunts dog, charlie.] we couldn’t be too long because charlie has bad diabetes and can’t do much now. we came across one of my aunts friends on our way, she accidentally called me he and didn’t correct herself which made me feel SO euphoric considering i’m not out.

she spoke about lifeguarding or something and once done, we went round to this field i used to always play in as a kid. i went in the park to spark some nostalgia and my dad pushed me on a swing for the first time since i was like 7. we walked for about 40 minutes. once i got back to my aunts i went on pinterest to look at some diys. i saved a photo example of how to make a can tab bracelet, a cardboard minecraft sword, a cardboard coffin shelf, a little fairy/elf house thing made up of pebbles, a cardboard direction sign, a bottlecap tortoise, and a number of other things i dont know how to explain. after i couldnt seem to find anything else, i watched my sister play fnaf a bit more. we had to leave so i stopped and got ready for home at 12.

i don’t really remember what i did when i got home, but it would’ve been the same as always. maybe a small nap, then obviously questions about boris, then i say goodnight to boris. i went to sleep at 3.

🗝️ — boris/my cat, archie/my family’s dog

have a good day/night O_o

[acheronist]

HI ISABEL i was thinking abt ur beechey boys + peglar/armitage extended cinematic universe while doing my laundry earlier (<- normal guy behaviour) and now i'm curious if u've thought of any actors/face claims for them – beechey boys especially bc we don't even have terror versions to use lol 👀🎤

HI GENEEEE 🖤 this is interesting.... honestly i've never been very good at fan casting shit because my default is always just going "x character should be played by riz ahmed" which ummmm would not work here i fear.

anyways everyone watch out there's gonna be mummy images below the cut

okay i really don't care about actors enough to do this well ummm LMAO johnny bertchtold YOU🫵🏻 are now john shaw torrington!! except johnny's way too tall and also ripped to be jorts.... i will say tho, as annoying as the john torrington/david young erasure is in the amc show, they did kind of nail it with alfie kingsnorth... now that's a skinny blonde bitch who looks half dead! he's got the right big round eyes + prominent cheekbones as jorts

if we could get some mutton chops and the uniform of a royal marine private onto ferdinand kingsley i think he'd be fantastic as william braine..... actually now that i'm looking at this i kind of feel like a genius for this one LMAO??

john hartnell is a little harder because i've already decided in my heart that this daguerreotype is 100% undeniably him even though the chances of it are actually probably very low. in actuality. but i have tried to match up the daguerreotype "hartnell" with the mummy hartnell and i do think it's a super close match.... i just wish mr. daguerreotype hadn't tucked his hair over his ear so i could compare the shape of john's ear.... but anyways there is actually one bg dude from terror amc who i have also kind of decided could be jarts!!! he was one of the dudes who voted to stay on terror and die there instead of out on the shale before everyone abandoned ship... he's got the right haircut for it <3 but also i think rob james-collier could be kind of a slay for jartnell if we can get him back to his downton abbey prime

and then thomas morgan hasn't really made his debut in the beechey boys cinematic universe (yet. chapter two still cooking......) and we also haven't exhumed HIM so this is really just like throwing a dart and calling it good. i did draw a little version of him here tho . so do with this as you will i guess. me when i'm just making up whatever the fuck. he should be kind of sickly looking as well though because my dude was going THROUGH it (+ he had one million pre existing conditions) before he died.

and for like... henry & thomas theyre much more nebulous in my brain..... maybe i'll try and draw them later!? i did do fanart here of henry tho but i fear it's got a heavy amc casting influence on what he looked like.

real life facts: thomas (5'9") is 2 inches taller than henry (5'7"), henry probably had broad/strong arms and shoulders due to climbing around in the rigging for his whole career, both of them had brown hair, and thomas was older than henry enough that he was probably starting to get salt-and-pepper grey during the miserable stressful parts of the expedition. henry's id papers describe his complexion as "sallow" and based on how many captains said he had a shitty/indifferent/bored attitude while working leads me to believe my king had chronic resting bitch face + looked vaguely exhausted and pale and unwell even when he was healthy.

also in my heart amc nailed it with giving thomas curly hair tho... charlie kelly is cute to meeeeee... unfortunately he isn't 40 years old enough. no source no facts anyways i just want to believe in curly girl armitage supremacy. ALSOOOO in my heart (again) henry has sailor tattoos-- HOLD FAST on his knuckles for good luck in the ropes + two swallows on his chest under each collarbone to mark his 10,000th mile at seas. i forgot what i was talking about. i think do think k*vin g*thrie's face was honestly too conventionally attractive for henry though. i just know my man was mid as fuck. frown lines from scowling, ink stains on his fingers at all times, never worn sunblock ever, thinks splashing water on his face counts as moisturizing etc.... MY henry peter peglar is pretty weather-beaten and looks like a mean cunt and sometimes he snarls at people like a badly trained dog. amen.

[littleolfandomblog]

some fox hcs that have been on my mind

matt gets insecure about being dan's bf because he can't fathom why dan chose him when she's so amazing

dan played soccer before she played exy and uses soccer footwork during games to trip the other team up

aaron doesn't trust betsy because his lat therapist was a school counselor who didn't believe him when he told her about his mom

andrew keeps a close eye on aaron at eden's because he gets worried that aaron might relapse

kevin eventually kicks the drinking habit and replaces it with a hobby for baking for abby and wymack

neil wears crocks and jorts with a camo t-shirt and a bass pro shop hat (this is why everyone was so horrified by his fashion)

allison gets her nails done every summer and cries when she comes back to psu and can't wear nails during exy

renee always enlists andrews help to dye her hair bc she can never get the back evenly

seth was a really messy roommate (that's one of the reasons his side of the room felt so empty when he died)

katelyn's a redhead (obviously)

[gmanwhore]

I legally have to make a post alone for this for. Tagging reasons. Thank you @breakcoreboxcat for being normal about our morally bankrupt cringefail homophobic homosexual old men (yuri flavor) This is about Dr. Wallace Breen and Cave Johnson

They hate each other. Cave wants Breen brought down to his level. They have known each other for years. Cave is the only person that can stand being around Breen. They have a hate mail portal that can be walked through so they can visit each other (Cave went to Black Mesa specifically to put the portal there) and they type out their hate mail on typewriters. Cave's first letter to Breen read "Ur mom suck me good n hard thru my jorts", and he photocopied it and has it in a gold frame in his office. Breen has all of Cave's hate mail in a binder and they are perfectly preserved, every single one. Cave smoked all of Breen's letters both with and without weed. Breen went to Cave's house once and they had McDonald's (Cave got Breen a chicken McNugget Happy Meal with chocolate milk and a boy toy just how Breen likes. Cave got two Big Macs and only ate half of one but still ate the yogurt from Breen's happy meal because Breen didn't want it) then they watched Barbie Fairytopia and Cave got excited everytime Bibble was on screen then they hate fucked and afterward Breen tripped over Cave's Barbie doll and Cave got really upset and Breen teased him about it and it really hurt Cave. They never brought up that night again. Breen kept sending Cave letters even as he was dying. Cave wrote his final letter to Breen a day before he died. Breen still wrote back because he won! The letters became his only tie to his humanity during the first year of him working for the Combine. He read Cave's last letter over and over so many times and will never admit he cried because he lost the only person who could stand him. Cave's ghost is haunting him and is so disturbed by how much Breen changes over the twenty years. After Breen dies their ghosts sit together and Cave reads all of his old letters to Breen trying to get him back to his old enemy. It worked. They hate each other. They love each other. They are enemies. They are friends.

[owmylasagna-blog]

Hi! Edd AND Eddy 5, 12, 14, 25 :3

Thanks!! Sorry I wrote up an entire long answer and then uuuhhh my phone died 🤡 so let’s do this again!

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Not necessarily the songs of all time but recently it’s been

Edd:

Eddy:

And hell why not shipping music:

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Quickly, let me preface this section with the fact that I myself am white.

From the jump I’ve always thought Edd was not white, or mixed race, and had parents that were either first or second gen immigrants. And that it’s not very apparent in canon because his family assimilated really hard. I always felt this helped to explain a bit of his cultural sensitivities while at the same time adding some more depth to the intergenerational dynamics. Previously I’d imagined him as Filipino/white and more recently I’ve written him as mestizo/korean/white. I like seeing lots of other takes on this in the fandom throughout the years, like somewhat recently eddbedandeddy’s post that he could be MENA like his VA or gettingfrilly mentioning they see him as racially ambiguous. Recently the phrase “ancestral fruitcake” has been incessantly plaguing my mind (‘Tis the season/ is or is this not a hilarious stand in for the f-word slur please discuss among yourselves people) but that to me indicates that at least one line of his family is hwite.

Keeping on theme, I really cannot resist coding Eddy’s family as stereotypically dysfunctional Italian American (and let me elaborate on my opening statement by stating this identity IS my circus my monkeys 🙈). Memelzebub described his parents as Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman in the movie Matilda and I agree hard on that!

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

Okay I looooove playing dress up with these guys so let’s get into it. I envision these more as they get into their teens and older.

Edd: a bit of grandpa (chunky thrifted sweaters), casual 90’s/00’s streetwear (long sleeve quarter zips, sneakers), specialized outdoorsy gear (like 100 pocket cargo pants, swishy pull over rain jackets) and he’s always kinda cold (puffer vests, layers, etc) uhhh and he still wears outrageously colored and patterned socks. I like to imagine he’d expand his hat selection. He prefers to dress practically and comfortably.

Eddy: SO MUCH STYLE POTENTIAL. He likes fashion so I could see him playing up lots of styles and having lots of phases through his teens and into adulthood. Other than 70s inspired fashion, I’d be lying if I didn’t shout out butch lesbians as a fashion inspiration. In high school I often imagine him wearing more casual 00’s clothing - baggy jeans and long jorts and skater sneakers and polos and bowler shirts. And then as he gets older he leans into more “slutty 70s” men’s fashion. I think for loungewear he has a huge selection of dramatic robes and kaftans like some old Hollywood diva.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Edd: idk this is classic but I had a crush on him as a kid. What can I say. Now I don’t have a crush on him but find him incredibly interesting and complex and fun to think about (: I think I always liked that he was a big nerd with sort of odd interests because I related to it. Now I relate most to his unmedicated anxiety 🙃

Eddy: also classic response, I found him grating and annoying during the original air time. But I didn’t flat out hate him or anything. I found his voice interesting and he was funny! Now I love love love Eddy. I only watched BPS in like 2013 and man did that really shift things for me in terms of being emotionally invested in this pink cube. What a guy!

[total-drama-takes-takes-2]

ttwt episode 11

“Last time, on Total Takes World Tour: Hollywood, baby! Home of the stars- which the not-so-starry-eyed Total Takes teens are still trying to reach by putting themselves through weeks of reality TV TORTURE! Staci’s lack of leader experience finally caught up to her, sending Team Friendship into bonafide silver-screen peril- much to the team’s annoyance. Julia’s Mal-nipulation forced Ass and Courtney closer- maybe a little too close for the fandom-obsessed blogger, who’s had eyes on the entire chess board since day one. In the end, it was Team Friendship who took the fall and sent their ex-leader packing. Will anyone be able to pull it together? What will become of Team Friendship without the liver of their group? Find out now, on Total Takes: World Tour!”

The air is crisp and cool, the small patch of sunlight filtering through the single window is warm and inviting, and there’s a sense of peace in the economy air today. 

Max, looking better rested than ever, yawns and opens his eyes. He shrieks and curls back into the metal wall when he sees the entire team crowded around him. 

“Were you watching me sleep?” 

Bonnie takes a seat next to him. “We were waiting for you to wake up,”

“And that’s different how…?”

“Never mind. What’s the game plan?” they ask, rubbing their eyes. Bonnie scans him over for a brief moment and then cocks an eyebrow. “Sleep well?”

---

MAX: “Okay, yes, Staci’s tyrannical pre-school torture methods put a lot on my plate. But her being gone doesn’t mean my troubles are over. Team Mojo is safe for now, but if they lose…” he pauses to shiver. “Chel is next. I can’t let that happen.”

---

Julia steps out of the confessional toilet, whistling and wiping off her hands on her jorts. She walks back into first class and scans the seats, choosing the one next to Mal. 

“Where’s Courtney?”

Mal shrugs. “Haven’t checked yet,”

“What?”

“Hm?”

The conversation dies off quickly after, with Mal returning to her phone and Julia staring out the window absent-mindedly, muttering to herself. 

Ass- seemingly asleep in the corner of the cabin- opens an eye to check the two and then quickly returns to their faux-slumber. 

---

COURTNEY: “What was I thinking? That… that thing put the whole team in jeopardy! If we’re bad when we’re fighting, then I can’t even imagine what would happen when we like each other. I’m usually pretty level-headed, I just… something’s been messing with me,”

---

ASS: “Why do these things always happen to me? Why me?”

---

Mal begins to snicker at her phone and Ass finally sighs, rising from their seat and walking out of the cabin. Julia shouts something about a team plan, and she is ignored. 

“Idiot,” Ass grumbles, looking back at the first class door as they walk down to the confessionals. 

They stop with an oof as they collide with something, and then promptly turn beet red. 

“Oh!” Courtney says, eyes wide. They wring their hands. “Crap, I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

Ass crosses their arms. “You’re avoiding me,”

“What? Nooo, I mean…” they finally sigh. “Okay, yes, but in all fairness, look at us!”

Ass thinks for a moment, glaring- and then they sigh. Their shoulders slump. “Let’s not talk about that, okay? We’ve got enough to deal with.”

Courtney breathes a sigh of relief. “Agreed. Let’s just go back to normal,”

They force a smile at each other, and then look away. 

“Okay, let’s just… maybe we need a little time apart to think,” Courtney offers, scratching their chin while they try to think rationally. “One thing’s for sure-”

“-Julia and Mal can’t know,” Ass nods. “They’ll both cry alliance, and knowing Mal…”

“She’ll throw the challenge, get Julia on her side, and one of us is toast,”

They both nod, and then squeeze past each other in the cramped hallway. 

---

MAL: “Well, well, well…” she murmurs, smiling widely while watching her phone screen. “Ass and Courtney think they’re sooo smart. Hah! The only thing they are is lucky I’m so merciful and, well… bored. Let’s see where this goes, shall we?”

---

“Attention, passengers! Meet me down in the galley in five for the deets on your next challenge!” Chris’ voice chimes merrily over the intercom. 

Julia sighs. “Any idea where we’re going?” no response. “Mal? Helloooo? Earth to nutcase?”

Mal seems to snap out of her trance and quickly sets her phone aside. “Um… no, no storage space. If I had to guess… Mediterranean, somewhere… old and hot,”

“That really narrows it down,” Julia grumbles, standing with a sigh. “Come on, let’s go.”

---

The teams- or what remains of them- huddle around Chris in the galley as he adjusts a golden wreath on his head. He’s dressed in a white tunic, a complimentary pair of brown sandals accentuating his calves (which he has pointed out more than once since the teens arrived). 

“Get ready for some good old fashioned battle, cause we’re heading to the Colosseum- home of the most famous gladiator battles in history!” he grins. “As per my attire, we’re heading to-”

Mal clears her throat. “If I may, Chris, you’re wearing a Grecian tunic, not a Roman toga,” 

Julia rolls her eyes. The other teams give her odd looks. 

“Um, duh. Don’t my calves look killer in it? Ahem, anyway- like our previous cast, we’ll be heading to Athens, Greece!”

“As much as I hate to say it, the stalker here has a point. The Colosseum is in Rome,” Max states, matter-of-factly. “You must be thinking of the Parthenon.”

“What?” Chris asks. He snaps his fingers and two interns rush over with a stack of production notes. He leafs through them and then sighs. “HOW does this keep happening?! CHEF!”

The host storms off, leaving ten confused teens behind. They look at each other for a moment before the plane suddenly lurches, turning a complete 180 and heading in the direction they came. The contestants scream as they’re thrown around the galley. 

---

“Welcome to Rome, Italy!” Chris says as the teens file out of the plane, limping their sore and bruised bodies outside. “Home of pizza, pasta, spicy meatball…”

Max rolls his eyes. 

“...And some other stuff, I’m sure,”

“Aqueducts, roads, Latin…” Mal counts on her fingers as Team Yaoi watches her, perplexed. “Roman numerals, which we still use, newspapers…”

Julia leans into Courtney, whispering harshly. “Did I get hit over the head with something?” The pink-haired teen shrugs and steps away from the blonde, accidentally bumping into Ass. The two share an awkward smile and back away from each other. 

From a few feet away, Albert squints. 

---

ALBERT: “Normally, I’d ignore trivial little human dramas like that, since they’re completely pointless in the grand scheme of the universe, but… Well, Michela said it herself: if we want to win, which I guess I do, since there’s nothing else left for me, we’re going to have to start taking advantage of the other team’s weaknesses,”

---

“Sanitation, early surgical tools, and the Vatican is here!” she finishes. Chris blinks. 

“...Right. Anyway, today’s challenge will be a two-parter. Since all the teams now have an even number of players, half of each will be participating in a traditional Italian cook-off, overseen by Judge Chef! The others will be competing in a Roman gladiator tournament, overseen by yours truly,” he chuckles. “Normally, I’d let you guys sort out amongst yourselves, but today I thought I’d arrange the duos for you. For the cook-off, we have Max and Kelly, Michela, and Mal and Julia. For the tournament, Ass and Courtney, Albert, and Bonnie and Phillip.”

Ass and Courtney look between each other nervously. 

Michela’s hand shoots in the air. “But we only have one on each side, isn’t that an unfair advantage for the other-”

“ZIP IT!” Chris says. “Best meal on the cook-off side wins a point, and same for the last gladiator standing. Whichever team doesn't score anything... I'll be seeing tonight. Ciao!”

He sits back as the teams divulge. Courtney and Ass give the rest of Team Yaoi nervous glances before wandering off, much to Albert’s curiosity. 

---

ALBERT: “Life is painful and chaotic, yes, but there’s always some underlying patterns to the apparent cruel randomness. For example, Courtney and Ass’ behavior may seem completely out of character and odd, but there has to be some common reason they’re avoiding each other…”

---

“What’re you looking at?” Michela asks, tying her hair back into a tight bun and pulling a hairnet over her head. 

Albert turns back to her. “Nothing. I’ll see you after this challenge,”

“Don’t get yourself killed!” she waves. 

“Same to you,”

---

The inside of the Colosseum is sweltering, and everyone stuck inside is already sweating and fanning their faces under the heat of the sun. 

Chris distributes a sword and helmet to each person. “Now, back in the day, all Gladiator battles were to the death- luckily for you, our lawyers say that would be “cruel” and “inhumane”,”

The teens breathe a sigh of relief. Courtney weighs the sword in their hands. “Is this real?”

“Sure is. Just because you can’t kill each other doesn’t mean serious injury is out of the question! Let’s just try to avoid severing anything,” he chuckles. “Oh, and in traditional Roman fashion- we’ll be throwing in a few… surprises.”

Bonnie grumbles. “I wish Max were here. I don’t know anything about this Roman stuff,”

“Don’t worry!” Phillip says, swinging around his sword with glee. “I’ll protect you! I was made for the battlefield!”

---

PHILLIP: “Finally, this is my chance- I’m fulfilling my destiny, this has to be it! I have to prove my sigma status and kill a man,”

---

He spins in a circle and the sword’s weight pulls him to the ground with a shriek. Bonnie grumbles and shakes their head. 

A distant air horn sounds and the metal gates to the only exit close, the sound of scraping metal forcing everyone to cover their ears. 

“Okay, okay… we need some kind of plan,” Bonnie thinks aloud, watching as the other contestants look between each other awkwardly. “If we play defense, then we can- Phillip? Phillip?”

They look around them as a thick fog rolls over the arena. Phillip is nowhere to be found. “Oh, great,” 

---

“I can’t see anything,” Ass says, attempting to wave the fog away with their arm. 

Courtney’s head whirls around at the sound of a footstep, and they sigh as a mere pigeon hops through the dense mist. “We need to watch each other’s backs. We’re completely vulnerable like this,”

“What does that mean?”

They sigh again, then begrudgingly go on. “Follow my lead, and try to keep the complaining to a minimum!”

Ass opens their mouth to rebuke but then concedes, hanging limply like a doll for Courtney to arrange into a battle pose. 

Instead, they stand back-to-back with Ass, linking their free arms together. Ass hisses, ears turning slightly red. 

“I know, I know. But look- we can see in all directions, and we won’t get lost,” Courtney responds, leering over their shoulder to look at their partner-in-crime. “Let’s just get through this, and then we can go back to normal.”

Through the thick fog, Albert listens in on their conversation, treading lightly to avoid catching their attention in the mist. 

Ass grumbles. “Call me a cynic, but the only “normal” thing we can go back to is trying to kill each other,”

“Don’t get any ideas,”

A distant roar from across the arena catches both of their attention and they go pale, eyes widening. Another roar comes from their far rights, followed by what sounds like a young girl throwing a tantrum. 

“eeeeeEEEEEEEE! BONNIE! HELP!”

“Phillip? Where are you?”

“LIONS!”

Courtney and Ass look at each other and pale just as a large wildcat springs forward. They duck in sync and it goes flying overhead, disappearing into the fog. 

“EEEEEEEEEE! ANOTHER ONE! BONNIE!”

The two stare in the direction of the cries and then quickly pull out their weapons. 

Courtney turns to Ass. “Is this normal enough for you?”

A faint ding sounds and the two groan. 

“I know what you’re thinking,” Ass sings. “I’m thinking it too!”

Courtney follows. “I have no idea what you’re thinking, so maybe that’s true,”

“I don’t know what happened,” They continue. “But I have no regrets.”

“Wait, seriously?” they raise a pierced eyebrow. “Was that sarcasm, or... do you mean that?”

Albert cups his ear and leans closer to their voices, pursing his lips as they continue to sing just out of earshot. 

“Oh, it’s just between us,” Ass continues. 

Courtney shakes their head. “We don’t wanna cause a fuss,”

“One impulse and we could be gone, but was that one kiss so wrooooong?”

Albert’s eyes widen and he stumbles over, the sword’s weight pulling him down through the fog. He lands on one of the lion’s tails and it yowls, standing and running off. 

“Fine! I’ll admit it!” Courtney sighs. “Even if it was dumb.”

“Disorientating, but,” Ass suddenly gasps and then points ahead. “Watch out for that lion!”

The two drop to the ground as the lion tramples over them, yowling in pain. It seems to collide with something off in the distance, and Phillip shrieks again. 

“EEEEEE! The pain, the pain! This was NOT my play!” he yells. Courtney and Ass wince. 

They peel themselves off the ground, black and blue, and sing in unison. “We’ve gotta stop what we’re doing, cause this is just INSANE!”

Through the mist, Bonnie squints. “I think the lions got him, which means we’ve been slain,”

They gasp as the large wildcat runs past them with Phillip between its jaws. Albert watches them from afar as the fog begins to clear, and he grins. “Thanks, my carnivore friend, I guess I win this game!” 

The fog finally clears out and reveals Albert as the last remaining player standing. 

---

ALBERT: “Random? Yes. Chaotic? Yes. Cruel?” he pauses to smile. “Absolutely. But I think I’m starting to find the pattern behind the disorder in this game. You don’t give up hope- you use everyone else’s hope against them.”

---

“And that’s a win for Team Mojo! Safe from elimination for another day,” Chris says, watching as the teens file out of the arena. Albert smiles. 

“Um,” Bonnie starts jabbing their thumb behind them. Phillip’s head is right between the jaws of a sleeping lion, relaxing in a sunbeam. “Is someone going to help him?”

“Eh, eventually. Probably. Maybe,” the host shrugs. “Time for part due of the challenge!”

---

“And here are your root vegetables. Clear?” Chef says, slamming a carrot down at a metal table in front of the remaining teams. 

They sigh. “Yes, Chef,”

The gladiator teens return, most limping. Bonnie looks from side to side. “Where are the dishes?”

Chef chuckles, gesturing to the ingredients on the table. “You’re looking at them,”

Max yawns and rubs his eyes. “Chris wanted to be here to watch, so we got a comprehensive history of vegetables,”

“I liked it!” Kelly says, clapping their hands. 

“DON’T BE A KISSUP!” Chef shouts, slamming a cleaver down on the table and severing a cutting board in half. The teams go pale. 

“Hope that you’re all still in the spirit of cooking! Wouldn’t want anyone to get sleepy and cut off something important,” Chris chuckles, pulling out an air horn and blaring it. “Go!”

Julia yawns and stretches, lethargically turning to Mal. “Game plan?”

She, wide awake, slips her phone in her back pocket and flexes her wrists. She ties her hair back and pulls out a cutting board. “We’re doing Brodetto di pesce, a traditional fish stew found in Adriatic Italian towns,”

“God, how do you even know this stuff? Is there an Italian cooking anime I missed?”

Mal rolls her eyes. “First of all, you shouldn’t take the Lord’s name in vain. Secondly, there are a lot of cooking animes, poser,” she pulls out a mixing bowl and a few knives, running her finger on each blade as if testing their individual sharpness. “And for your information, I was reading up on history and culture to impress a boy, something you wouldn't understand.”

“A real one?” Julia asks, eyes drifting down to the array of printed-out anime characters sealed away in her phone case. 

“That’s none of your business,” Mal announces casually, handing her a list. “Go get these things from the pantry. FAST!”

Julia swipes the paper and storms off, grumbling. 

---

“Pancakes? Waffles? Ooh, I know- let’s do crepes!” Kelly beams, fanning themselves under the hot sun. 

Max returns to the table and sets an armful of ingredients down on its metal surface. “This is an Italian cooking challenge, genius. Let’s just do pasta and keep it simple,”

“Oh, I like pasta! That’s a great idea!”

Max grumbles. 

---

MAX: “They’re like a non-stop 24/7 ray of sunshine. It drives me insane,”

---

Michela smiles and shakes her head at the interaction from her table, then returns to mixing something doughy and soft in a large metal bowl. 

Albert watches her from the sidelines, ignoring the groaning and moaning of his battered castmates as they bandage wounds and hold up ice packs to their heads. 

Chef returns, dragging a barely conscious Phillip behind him. He hands him off to Bonnie, who sighs. 

---

ALBERT: “As much as I like Michela, I’m not sure I can trust her with this information yet. She’s… well, she’s soft. She’d probably try to argue that preying on someone’s emotional vulnerability is “wrong”...” he pauses to sigh. “I just have to play my cards right here…”

---

“One hour left, maggots!” Chef yells, then chuckles to himself. “Man, I missed this.”

Max strains to churn the gloopy dough out of the pasta maker, grumbling to himself about the mechanics. Kelly is busy cutting stars out of the leftover dough, holding them up and showing them to Bonnie across the pavilion. 

Bonnie forces a smile and thumbs up at each one, and then sighs. “This social obligation thing is exhausting,”

“Tell me about it,” Albert mutters. 

---

Julia squints at the sidelines from their table, grumbling to herself. Ass and Courtney are talking merrily, laughing slightly at each other’s remarks. 

She turns back to Mal, who’s busy dumping wine in the pot. “Is there something… off about those two?”

“Hm?” she asks, corking the bottle and shoving the whole thing in her back pocket for later. “Who, Assney?”

Julia sighs. “Yeah, whatever,” she rubs her chin. “They seem… weird, right?”

“Uhhhh… do you think this needs more spices?” Mal says, shoving a spoonful of stew in Julia’s mouth. She sputters. 

---

MAL: “For now, I have no reason to single out Assney! I mean, yes, if we lose, they can ally themselves and vote me off- but also… the fact that I can blackmail them, make them anxious and uneasy…” she grins. “Too good to pass up.”

---

“Okay, this thing is broken,” Max sighs, staring at the clumpy mess of dough the machine spit out. Kelly giggles at the stars they cut out. “It’d be nice if someone was HELPING!”

Kelly ignores him. He stares at Bonnie for help, and they shrug. 

“We’re done for,” he sighs, shoving the pasta maker away. “There’s no way we can…” his eyes drift down to the flat, shaped dough Kelly has been cutting out. “Wait right here. I need some ricotta.”

Max stands and runs off. 

---

“FIVE! Four! Three! Two! And ONE, MAGGOTS!” Chris shouts through his megaphone, feedback forcing everyone on the sidelines to cover their ears. 

The host stands and sits down next to Chef at the judge’s table. 

“Let’s taste-test some yummy authentic cuisine,” he chuckles, rubbing his hands together. “First up… Michela!”

Michela stands and sets a plate of pastries in front of the judges. “Cannoli,”

“Ooh, a classic,” The two take a moment to savor the treats. Michela sucks in her breath and says a quick prayer. Albert rolls his eyes. 

“Hmm… passable. Six out of ten.” Chef says. She breathes a sigh of relief and walks off, joining her last remaining teammate on the sidelines. 

“Team Friendship! Front and center!”

Max and Kelly speed over with a tray of star-shaped ravioli, setting one plate on either side of Chris and Chef. 

The two enjoy the pasta, the latter of which clearing his throat to give a rating. “Taste is good, but the shape is… uh,” he stares at the stars. “American. Negative points for Americana! 5/10!”

Max smacks his forehead and Kelly opens their mouth to argue, but they’re dragged back to the sidelines before they can intervene. 

“Last, but not least… Team Yaoi!”

Mal smiles, bringing over the steaming pot. “Brodetto di pesce with red wine,” she says curtly, setting the dish before them. 

The two grin and spoon from the pot. Chef smacks the stew around his mouth for a few moments before giving a thumbs up. 

“Delicious, authentic, and a unique choice. 10/10,” 

Julia cheers, and Ass and Courtney breathe an equal sigh of relief from the sidelines. 

Chris beams. “Team Friendship, you’re the only team with no points- which means you would be going to the elimination ceremony tonight… if this wasn’t a reward episode!”

“WHAT!” Team Yaoi shouts in unison. 

Max sighs and relaxes, unclenching his jaw for the first time all day. Bonnie pats his shoulder. 

“Team Yaoi and Team Mojo will be sharing first class accommodations and a catered, three-course Italian meal. Hope you all enjoy!” He chuckles, walking off. 

---

Julia’s arms are tightly crossed and her knees are tucked tightly to her chest as she glares at Team Mojo from across the cabin. The aforementioned, on the other hand, are merrily enjoying two ice-cold Italian limonatas together, chatting about the day’s events. 

“Man, I could get used to this,” Michela grins. Her eyes drift over to Julia. “Even with the company. Lighten up over there!”

Julia grimaces. 

---

JULIA: “We might as well have lost- tying is basically losing, anyway, and having the extra company is not my favorite thing in the world. I need Mal to start taking orders again, and fast,”

---

Albert stands. “I’m going to get another drink. Want anything?”

“I’m good!” Michela shrugs, settling back in the plush seat. “I think I’m gonna try to get some sleep. Make sure Goldilocks over there doesn’t suffocate me.”

“Will do,”

Albert walks through the cabin, entering the dining room to the sounds of two voices laughing. He raises an eyebrow and a slight smile crosses his face. 

“Mind if I join you?” he asks (though it’s not much of a request), pulling up a chair to Ass and Courtney. They shrug. “You know, I have to say- I really admire your team.” he goes on. “You all work together so well.”

Ass scoffs. “I don’t know if-”

“I wasn’t finished,” he says calmly, but coldly. Ass quiets down, a sudden look of curiosity crossing their face. “My team, well… we were as divided as you can imagine before Patrick left. But you four have always had a good dynamic, like a healthy aquatic ecosystem. Everyone does their part, right?”

He pauses to chuckle, then clears his throat. 

“I’m sure you can attribute your consistent success to your cooperation. It’d be terrible for something to happen that’d divide your team,” 

A long silence follows. Then, Courtney raises an eyebrow. “What are you getting at?”

“I’m just complimenting your work structure,” he shrugs. “If my former coalition had worked as well, I wouldn’t be here right now. But I am, anyway.” 

Albert stands and leaves the dining room. From around the corner, Mal glares. 

---

MAL: “How would he… hm. Maybe I should reconsider the placement of my pawns on this one,”

---

Mal walks back into the main cabin and sits next to Julia, who’s still wrapped up in glaring daggers at Michela and Albert. 

The blonde huffs, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. Nonetheless, she still addresses the new presence. “Where have you been?”

“I was getting pics of Chris’ private quarters to auction, duh,” Mal scoffs. “I even snagged his toothbrush, wanna see?”

“Ugh, save it,” she grumbles. “I’m not gonna get a wink of sleep with those two around…”

“I’m sure they won’t bother you in the dining room? They’re just eating,”

“What? I meant Team Mojo,”

She looks away. “That’s… also what I meant. I um… didn’t see them come back,”

“Whatever,” Julia rolls her eyes, muttering “ditz” under her breath. 

After a few moments, Mal stands, brushing herself off. “I’ll be in the cargo hold on Twitch. Don't bother me!” And then she disappears from the cabin. 

Michela watches her leave, then turns back and raises an eyebrow. “What’s that for?”

“She says she gets better WiFi in the cargo hold,” Julia sighs, vaguely gesturing. “Don’t ask me about why she needs that…”

“But wouldn’t-” Albert starts, and then sits back. “Never mind.”

“Hey, don’t look at me. The girl’s a class-A nutcase,” the blonde says, sitting and stretching. “Without that phone, she’d be as useful as a bike with no wheels.”

Albert and Michela make confused eye contact, and then glance away.

[goldrushenthusiast]

yes it will be sad but I will also laugh my ass off if Will Solace dies in jorts and flip flops.

[kwori]

‼️jort 2 update because its been nearly 2 weeks and hes been through a lot‼️

kinda annoyingly long so its under the cut

ok so jort 2 was doing fine till i had loads of art hw for gcse (help) and so i did that and ignored all of jort 2's cries for help. then after that to reward myself for finishing like one (1) evaluation bc i wasnt feeling motivated i played slime rancher for 2-3 hours maybe (side rant i love my slimes theyre so silly<333 my favourites are the honey and plant ones because when they merge theyre so pretty<33 i also love phosphor slimes and i need to make a lantern of them for my room or something because i should start a shrine)

anyway.

so jort 2 was sick and i didnt cure him in time and he started beeping like the heart rate monitors do as someones heart is slowing which i feel is a little morbid but he died. i think i apologised on my last post in the notes

the caption aged badly but yeah

so i needed name ideas and luckily his death presented the perfect opportunity as @moon-inspector suggested jelly so thank you<3

then i lost the tamagotchi.

id taken him out when i went in town with my friends a couple of times and i thought he might have fallen out of my tote bag next to a bench and i was really upset because he was £20 and also he was really cool (and also i lost something and was about to cry but fear of crying in public saved me🔥🔥🔥🔥) so i was sad :c

then me and my family went to the countryside and i got to do hiking which is super epic and i touched so much grass and lo and behold who was in my coat pocket but jort 2 himself (technically his corpse) but i found him yay

then my friend taught me how to mute him because one time he woke me up at night and while trying to do that i accidentally hatched one but because i wasnt intending to he kinda died (that wasnt jelly tho that was jort 2.5 because i want to give jelly a long and fulfilling life)

so that concludes the adventures of jort in the past 2 weeks ish where i forgot/ couldnt be bothered to update bc i had other things to do (watching youtube videos)

ill probably hatch jelly like tomorrow

[peppermintys]

Okay then- did all of the denim burn up??? I hope denim dies. Denim should not exist in this universe. In this AU specifically, no denim exists. No jeans, no jorts, no jeanbags, no jean jackets. Do you agree? Will you do this for me?

IM GOING TO MAUL YOU GET OUT OF MY ASK BOX /j

[cleolinda]

Weekend links

My posts:

Varney the Vampire: Chapter 11: Oh boy, Gothic ableism; Charles Holland has Plans

Perfume: "I did not intend to write ten million billion words in two parts about perfume. I wasn't even planning on doing patchouli or Coco Mademoiselle this week. I don't know why I started talking about werewolves. It just happened. I don't question these things."

Part 1: Patchouli in perfumery, feat. Snake Oil (Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab)

Part 2: Coco Mademoiselle (Chanel, 2001) and Coco Mademoiselle L'Eau Privée (2020) (Werewolf Debutante)

Reblogs of interest:

Harry Belafonte, 96, Dies; Barrier-Breaking Singer, Actor and Activist

Nobody needs a Twilight reboot, least of all the Quileute Tribe

Tumblr News Network: Tucker Carlson got THE BOOT

Actually this week was pretty hectic

Nobody wants to be in Elon's cool kids club, not even for free

Why is the WGA strike happening? Well, there's this thing called minirooms

Astronaut tweets

I was not around for Dracula Daily last year, but I am absolutely feral about the Harkers and Mina in particular. Buckle up

The sacred texts: she fuckin' buttered Jorts

Personal tag of the week: bite each other's dicks off, which I think was just mutually agreed to be the unofficial tag for the Disney vs. DeSantis showdown. wet beast wednesday was also pretty good.