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adelle-ein · 1 year

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CSP 2.0 features test and rant

I bought my copy of CSP in 2022 due to a variety of Wacom-caused convoluted circumstances, meaning I get the "upgrade" to version 2.0 for free. So, because I enjoy talking about (and shittalking) digital art programs....my thoughts on the "upgrade." To summarize, this update is basically the same as various pre-2022 CSP updates, adding a handful of useful and some godly-sounding features. It doesn't change anything fundamental about the program, really, although allegedly background saves are faster and more reliable now (massive dick move to lock that behind a paywall!) On this PC, I really only get lag on background saves with huge files or if I haven't saved at all for hours, so I haven't really tested that aspect. Other features are: a new brush setting that allows for allegedly more realistic color mixing, a few new 3d model options, an AI auto-shading program, and ~*~align tools ~*~ which really should have been implemented like...five years ago minimum but hey. But, hey, are these features actually as ~life changing~ as Celsys makes them sound? Traditionally no but let's find out

Upon installation I was immediately greeted by said align tools. They were just...there.

Fantastic UI decision I love it. Anyway I couldn't get this stupid window to be part of a sidebar, or treated as a tool, or anything except for a floating window. God knows why it has to be its own "palette" instead of being just a regular tool like liquify etc, but I ended up getting rid of it. figure I'll put it back whenever I need it. It seems to work fine, though in usual CSP fashion it is excessively complicated if reasonably easy to figure out.

And now the new brush color mixing setting (new brushes on the right/bottom). This was the only feature I was personally really excited for. It's something of an improvement and feels a little closer to Krita's infinitely superior painting engines. There are replacements for nearly all of the "thick paint" default brushes, some pastels, and a few assorted others. The "wet wash" brush still lags horrifically at every size even on blank canvases, just fyi.

The updated brushes have the "ver 2.0" tag. And I'm not sure if this was added in a recent update or my own faulty memory, but you can add multiple default brushes from the "add defaults" window now, thank god. I remember having to reopen the damn thing and add them one by one.

I painted this Celica entirely using the new defaults (plus design pencil for the lineart and a custom watercolor for the background, but the painting is all the defaults.) It's definitely a step up, again it feels more like Krita which is my favorite program for painting. Is it worth the upgrade price, though? For me personally, not really.

The head model seems to work well enough, it has settings to let you adjust the features and seems nicer than the various user-made options on the asset store. That being said, using and manipulating the 3d assets is as obtuse and frustrating as ever, and I personally think they make my art look incredibly stiff and robotic, so idk if I'll be using this much.

Just to illustrate how little I use the models, apparently I didn't even have them installed. I had to redownload the entire default asset set to get my hands on them so I could test out the "hand pose" thing. Basically, CSP claims that you can take a picture of your hand and have the model instantly recreate that hand pose. It doesn't look like you can just...use an existing picture. Because that would be too useful. Get posing and upload yourself to the CSP AI instead.

No pictures, because I couldn't get a shot on my shitty webcam without my face in it, but it was unimpressive. The poses were...vaguely similar to the pictures, I guess, but not exactly the pinnacle of accuracy.

This was a straight-fingered peace sign, for example. It's in the general realm of correct, but...not what I was aiming for.

I never use the text tool, for the record - I don't really do comics, and also I hate it. Even with the update, it is still not...good. Better than Krita's, maybe? At least by a bit. But still quite awful. And that's bizarre to me, because this is what was originally *manga studio*, used and promoted primarily by manga and comic artists. But its text tools suck, as well as its general graphic design capabilities.

Trying out the new fog settings...it just looks like a gradient, honestly. I'm not sure why this would ever be helpful. School-live vibes from my little experiment here (i've never watched school-live lol)

Multilayer liquify actually works decently. There's a jolt of lag when you start it and at the end when your changes register, but the actual action of moving your cursor is fairly smooth, unexpectedly. I did it with a huge stack of layers and was pleasantly surprised by the results. That being said, liquify in CSP is really finicky, and even that little bit of lag might prevent it from being a consistently usable tool in my workflow. Not sure yet.

As for the AI shading assist....

I tried a bunch of old .csp drawings and the only one I could even get it to run on was the Eunie above. And it still looked like absolute shit no matter how I messed with the settings. I could have tried to do every layer individually but I just didn't have the patience for a feature I frankly don't want, AND that's not what it was advertised for so I don't see that as a valid test anyway. I just couldn't get this one working, it looks hideous, and I have no desire to have something be shaded for me automatically. Flatting, lineart cleanup, sure! Not the lighting and creativity and stuff that's actually fun! Hard pass.

There's also a fish-eye ruler. I don't see this ever being useful for me because I honestly don't like fish-eye perspective much. Meh.

So...yeah. That's all. That's the upgrade. It's not an impressive upgrade by any means, and clearly just a handful of assorted desirable features Celsys deliberately left out of the last year or so of updates in order to try and bill them as "2.0" now. No significant improvement to the base program, just assorted bells and whistles. And of course, even if you pony up for the flat upgrade fee, you do not get access to any new features going forward. Even if they finally drop a decent selection of filters or make the text tool workable, we plebians will have to pay if we want the goods. And get any features we don't continually pay for revoked.

Wait, how does that work? Yeah, Celsys has been incredibly bad at explaining their bizarre new plans. People have no idea what's going on -- they think CSP is sub-only now, that their copies of 1.0 will be revoked, that everyone's getting 2.0 for free, that they can pay for individual updates they want...nope. TLDR: You can pay a flat price to get version 2.0 now, either as a base program or an upgrade to 1.0. Users who bought 1.0 recently (roughly mid-2022 to 2023, I believe), like me, get that upgrade for free. Alternately, you can pay a yearly or monthly fee to get not only 2.0 but any other continuous upgrades Celsys rolls out between 2.0 and 3.0 (if, say, they add better filtering options or an automatic flatting tool, you must pay for the subscription to get them.) If you at any time end that subscription, ALL updates are revoked and you return to 2.0. 3.0 will be available eventually under the same system. Mmmm microtransaction art program (except worse, you can't even keep your microtransactions and this program ALREADY HAD microtransactions through premium assets to begin with! aaaaaaa why does ibispaint have a bad reputation and not this?)

Also, bear in mind that if you upgrade your 1.0 license to 2.0, you lose your 1.0 license immediately and permanently. 1.0 licenses are for two computers and 2.0 licenses are for one. Reddit confirms that you will be forced to uninstall from one computer if you upgrade the license. So if you have CSP installed on two computers, absolutely do not upgrade, you're essentially throwing away one copy of the program to add a small handful of mediocre features to your other copy. This might be one of the most disgusting parts of the whole deal, actually, because BOY they do not make this clear up front and their little stans are defending it tooth and nail.

So, what's the pricing plan for all this? Um...honestly, I'm not sure. I'm navigating the website right now trying to figure it out and I am totally, utterly lost. The plan is distributed across several pages, and I suspect Celsys is relying heavily on machine translation, so things are...slightly incoherent. I believe it's only $10/year for the PRO (not EX, which is $30) upgrade pass, which isn't unreasonable on the surface, but the "revoke features if you don't keep paying" bit sure is. Not to mention how many user-made assets will be inaccessible to those without the same versions as the creators, or how people's 2.1+ files may break if that person stops paying for their subscription...like, they don't deserve even $1 for pulling this shit and I'm really disappointed by the huge number of users I see not only buying into but defending this awful shit.

Celsys is clearly trying to be the next Adobe, gently easing their users into being forced to go fully subscription-only. We'll see how that works out for them, but I think they are drastically overestimating the loyalty of their userbase, the lack of alternatives, and their rate of use in the professional industry (unlike Adobe, nobody is mandating CSP in graphic design college courses....) They're slowly boiling the frog as we speak -- we'll see how long the userbase can stand it. Personally, I would suggest just waiting for 3.0 - nothing in this upgrade is exceptional, and I wouldn't assume anything else the devs put out for the next couple years is.

TLDR: mediocre update is mediocre, fuck celsys

#csp #txt #lace reviews

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dooodle-bug · 3 years

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“Basic” Legion of Stationery headcannons so you guys can catch my drift :o) (bruh it’s so looooooong)

Colored Pencils

-he/they pronouns

-I mentioned this in a previous post, but that Jean-Pierre crap is not his real name, it’s something he came up with to be seen as more original and unique idk just look for the post yourself.

-Shortest, weakest, and youngest of the Legion (noo they’re not my faviorite why would you think that?). Now obviously, this is gonna lead to lotsa “haha ur the weakest out of all of us” which takes a big bash on their self-esteem. This obvious weakness is also the reason why they are so heavily dependent on technology and their weird little gadgets to make up for it. With out technology, CP is nothing.

-Is really mean and insults everyone and everything whether unintentional or not. Why? Because he’s bitter and hates the world for his situation of being seen as a loser. Like, he’s disappointed in the world and himself for being treated like trash and thus uses insulting others as a coping mechanism, to vent his anger and frustrations, and as temporary way to feel superior. But that guy is just hiding under layers of denial and takes one look in the mirror and remembers he’s just a big loser.

-Wants to be seen as unique, special, ect. among the legion and just in general to make people like them more. And thus, is a big hipster, seeing anything that’s popular as bad (mostly because they’re frustrated those popular kids seem to have it better than them), and doing generic hipster tropes to be seen as Cooler and Underrated.

-Despite being the MISSILE Maestro, he’s really a peaceful guy and doesn’t like fighting all that much (mostly because it’s physically demanding). He’d much rather harm you with his words that his missiles (btw he’s AWFUL at engineering with all those weapons and stuff. He expects the missiles to do all the work for him, believing they’re “flawless” as he fires aimlessly). Had he not been “born” into Olly’s military, he would’ve spent all his time on drawing.

-Speaking of which, that guy is an avid drawer that is highkey looking for approval on anything they draw. They will ONLY tolerate compliments, any (constructive) criticim will be struck down with a “You are uncultured” or “You wouldn’t get it”. Also they HATE digital art (they think it’s cheating, but is also jealous they can’t do it) as well as fan art (they think it’s not “real” art, despite the fact they draw fan art for Olly constantly)

-Seems to be a stuck up to Olly, constantly drawing art of him in his glory and doing his dirty work with pleasure. He secretly wants Olly to praise and thank him, however Olly seems to have little to no care for him (basically he’s doing thankless tasks in hope of recognition).

-Has an enormous pencil case (looking the same as in game) that functions as a misslie launcher, shelter, and backpack. He has some sorta radio station in his mind, allowing him to fire pencils after locking onto its target. But more often than not, this telekinetic ability is used to lend him a helping hand when drawing.

Rubber Band

-They/them pronouns

-Tallest of the Legion, which is both a blessing and a curse as you can imagine.

-Their outfit (aside from the underclothes) is entirely made of bands. Since this is the case, the bands have caused those red-ring marks to appear on their body as well as restrain their movement. They have the ability to telekinetically control rubber bands, of course this ability is limited, as the bands can only tighten, loosen, and move around on the ground.

-Their hair is also made of bands! It can stretch and everything (it also it used to show expression ie. flop down when sad or tense). Their hair is about shoulder length, it’s just always wrapped and pulled back into a ponytail. Unfortunately, it can also snap back at their scalp and those longer, looser bands can easily be yanked out.

-Generally perceived as The Girl (tm) of the group due to their generally feminine behavior and appearance. Despite this, they prefer using generally masculine titles, such as “actor”, “star”, “sir”, and “man”.

-Big on moodswings. It doesn’t take much to make them incredibly happy, but it also doesn’t take much to make them incredibly angry. When they’re happy, they’re REALLY happy and when they’re mad, they’re REALLY mad. Advice to keep them happy: sugarcoat everything you say about/to them (they also know of this tactic to make Olly and the others happy) .

-Lives for the drama, and not just the theater related drama, also the gossip of whatever is going on with other people’s lives. They just LOVE to talk dirty about the drama that’s going on (unless it’s about them) and will not hesitate to gossip about you and your personal life.

-Is a big attention seeker (surprise, surprise, they’re a Karen) as well as an extrovert. They want all eyes to be on them and if not, they’ll lowkey get nervous/anxious, being expressed as anger and frustration. Like, they thrive on people noticing them and feel like they NEED attention or else everyone will forget about them and they’ll be all alone, thus they overreact and is REALLY expressive. They seem to jump to conclusions if any minor inconvenience occurs, but it’s ok, they’re good at hiding it.

-Has lots of self confidence and self-esteem, as well as being able to stretch themself (both figurtively as they can shift plans if need be and also literally as their skin is stretchy and they’re also flexible af). Of course, this confidence does not protect them from stress, fear etc., which they simply mask with ego.

-Aside from acting, they also enjoy singing (they make up wordless melodies on the spot), dancing, writing (usually playwrites, their favorites secretly being the gorey, messed up stuff), and gossiping.

Hole Punch

-He/they pronouns

-How he punches holes? With those metal fangs of course! His mouth is basically a compressed hole punching mechanic, filled with metal bars, screws and everything. His stomach area is sorta the lid, being very sensitive and thus needing to be covered with that tank top. He punches in a stylish way of course, doing a cool move that both stuns and punches you (he’s an excellent break/disco dancer, doing all these physically demanding moves).

-The problem with this is that they have a compulsion to bite stuff (only dry, hard stuff), like to them it feels really satisfying to gnaw on cardboard, which can lead to an uncontrollable urge to punch stuff. They’re also always hungry and always wants to eat, complaining about such (because it’s always bothering them and hinders their ability) and annoying the others. Unfortunately, they also hate being full to because it means they can’t punch stuff without overfilling. So, they regurgitates whatever punched holes they have and the cycle continues (oh yeah they have the power to do that and can even cough up particular holes).

-Lazy and always sleepy. He seems to enjoy just lazing about, often taking naps while listening to music. This is partially because he uses a LOT of energy grooving and practically everything for him seems to tire him out (and maybe even because he doesn’t eat enough). But when he’s grooving, he’s REALLY grooving, being super hyper and bouncing around, pulling all these cool stunts. There are only two moods: in the groove and not in the groove.

-Really honestly does NOT know that punching holes is twisted and amoral. They really think that punching faces is a form of punishment, warning, attack, or defense and nothing too serious. They think that you can still function and do what they want as your face in punched out. They’re also unaware of HOW damaging and twisted it is, not knowing just HOW scary it makes them look.

-Is super picky and needy. He usually demands what he wants (this being a mix of “I don’t know how to ask/express what I want” and “I am a spoiled, entitled brat”), and if he doesn’t get exactly what he wants, he sorta throws a tantrum and refuses to cooperate (that or he threatens to punch your face as warning). He’s also super persistent.

-Feels very contradictory. While they WANT to be extroverted and party and all, if they were to actually try, they’d become super anxious and not know what to do. This then leads to them becoming even more insecure and reclusive, complaining about their situation while not making an effort to change it due to being so shy around others. Basically, they dig a pit of insecurity and reclusiveness.

-Has a really big love for retro music and all things retro is frustrated that others can’t see eye to eye with him. Like, he refuses to listen to anything else unless it’s 70s music. Nobody knows why, he just seems to have a really strong connection to it.

Tape

-He/they pronouns

-Is easily offended, even if you’re not trying to be. He assumes and interprets everything you say, whether positive or negative and then bashes you for saying what he thought you meant. He easily jumps to conclusions based on these interpretations and thus judges you harshly. He’s just a big hot-head that is easily angered for no reason or for something you unintentionally did.

-They can speak Italian fluently, no one’s sure why or how (they often use it to curse or speak of battle plans). That New York accent was something they trained to speak (and has now become the norm for them) as a way of seeming tougher, stronger, and more intimidating.

-Hair is literally made of tape. This tape has the ability to stretch and pull, being used as a third hand or feeler as well as a way to convey emotion (such as flopping down when sad), however it is super sensitive, pulling it would be both painful and also cause more tape to replenish until none is leftover. His tongue is also made of tape, it’s coiled and used like a chameleon tongue.

-Is very scheming and cunning. To them, winning is always winning, even if it involves a ton of cheating (they also feel entitled to be competitive and the best in everything). They’re ALWAYS playing dirty and looking for an easy way out, which sometimes involves leeching onto others and switching sides. They’re pretty good when it comes to making a solid, foolproof plan, but when it comes to hand to hand combat, they just wing it, throwing every single dirty move they can to ensure a win.

-Has a burning hatred towards to world. Because he’s tape, which is seen as awfully similar to paper, he is perceived as weaker. Thus, he has a drive to make sure he is seen as intimidating and powerful, often picking fights and insulting others to ensure they know not to mess with him. But just in general, he feels the entire world is against him, always trying to make a fool out of him and thus leading him to have low expectations for people and physically take his anger out.

-Very physical, being both incredibly fast and strong in terms of movement and fighting, of course using that cutter wouldn’t hurt. However, they are often injured (caused by themself or others) and uses their tape as bandages. Speaking of which, they fear most things that paper fears, especially fire and sharp objects used against them.

-Is a heavy smoker, smoking whenever he gets the chance, doing it to seem cooler/more threatening as well as to temporarily calm his nerves. He actively tries to get the others interests, however this behavior mostly frowned upon.

Scissors

-They/them pronouns

-Oldest of the Stationery (not counting Stapler, who is even older), reluctantly taking the role as the Mom Friend by Olly’s wishes (they hate that position, but also doesn’t know HOW to care for others).

-While they ARE a serious, no-nonsense, honorific knight, deep down they are a sadist who just LOVES to cut paper. They hide this side well, feeling ashamed of it until it resurfaces in the heat of battle, where they defeat their opponents in a quick yet brutal slice.

-They are very skilled when wielding their blades (the scissors blades that can attach and disconnect), being both physically strong as well as agile (however their outfit is somewhat restraining). They fight in sorta a fencing style, swinging their blades around. However, the problem with being so skilled is that they have difficulty finding a challenge. So, they actively seek and create unnecessary difficulties for themself to make battle more exciting (although not by much as they still know they will win).

-Is very cunning and manipulative. They know how to use psychology against you as to peer pressure you into battle. They use their cool, unaffected demeanor to its full potential in persuasion or manipuation.

-Secretly, they enjoy “childish” aspects such as singing, dancing, and arts and crafts. They feel ashamed about such as it feels “unprofessional” of them and could cause people to see them as less intimidating. So, they do these activities in secret as well as incorporating it in their work as to be more productive.

-Has a very strong work ethnic. They believe that work does not count unless you pour your soul into it. They absolutely HATE cheating or finding an easy way out as, to them, it doesn’t count as real work. They also have a strong obsession for Olly, willingly pouring hours of their life for him and following his every order (thinking the others should feel/act the same). This love for the king contradicts most of their beliefs, such as utilizing logic over emotion.

-While they DO have emotions, they try to bury them under logic, thinking that feelings make them look weak. They are actively afraid of seeming weak, avoiding normal behaviors such as making friends and friendly communications.They also fear failure, not in battle but in following Olly’s orders, subconsciously worrying whether or not they’re doing their job right. They also secretly fear rocks (you know why) and extreme temperatures (they’re partially made of metal).

-Looks down on paper folk, and thinks them or anything related to them are inferior (disregarding Olly because he’s special). The reason why they made the Cut-out Soldiers was because they felt they would be more reliable than the folded soldiers. The Cut-out soldiers are basically lifeless puppets controlled by Scissors, perfectly acting out their every order. While Scissors SEEMS to care for them, if they can’t succeed in their job, there will always be another one to replace it.

Stapler

-They/them pronouns

-They’re based on a Doberman Pinscher, a dog breed known for their agility and strength as guard dogs. Stapler themself is essentially one, but with a few minor details. For one, their eyes are literally Olly’s insignia, however this does not hinder their ability to see. Their claws and tail are made of metal and the interior of their mouth is the stapler mechanic (their head is just a giant stapler covered with a dog-like appearance) in which they can bend it unusually back.

-Has an undying loyalty towards Olly and would do absolutely anything to please him. If they really wanted to, they would maul the entire legion for Olly. This also unfortunately includes putting themself in harms way for his safety.

-The strongest of the legion, with the body of a powerful dog, they could easily defeat the other members if they wanted to. They are also unusually intelligent, being fully capable of understanding others (but they normally do not act upon this).They can also speak (in their own twisted way), but rarely ever uses this ability.

-Super, super obedient to Olly. When they’re around him, they can be super cuddly and friendly, but around anyone else, they’ll be monstrous. They follow orders to the very syllable. But this only applies to Olly. Nobody else can give them orders as around them, they may act disrespectfully playful and ignore everything you say.

-As Olly’s guard dog, they stayed with him the entire time (aside from when they were tasked with stapling soldiers or used as a final stance), eyeing anyone who dared draw near (they were mildly jealous of origami Peach). Olly seemed to treat them well, pampering them and giving them special privileges, unlike the other stationery.

-They were Olly’s favorite of the legion. Olly hid this poorly. But Olly didn’t love them THAT much. Sure, he mourned their loss for a brief moment before continuing on with his plans as if nothing happened. ToT

-Not only are they a guard dog, but they are also used as a messenger to Olly, informing him on the whereabouts of the streamers and making sure the folded soldiers are following orders.

-While their biting can still do damage, it’s the staples that REALLY pack a punch. While they don’t have opposable thumbs, they still know how to do actions such as opening zippers and such.

Anyhoo, that’s the basics of my Legion! There’s a bunch more, but that’s just the gist of it. Also, thank you to whoever read this whole thing, I really appreciate it!

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sugasugawarau · 3 years

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Synopsis: You knew that Kageyama Tobio was not your soulmate - and that was why you could not help but succumb to the waves that lulled you away from the shores of fate + semi inspired by Eyes Blue like the Atlantic by sistaprod ft. Subvrbs. Also part of @yacoka‘s collab <3 (2.4k words)

Warnings/notes: Some angst near the end, soulmate red string au, gender neutral reader. No beta we die like Rex Lapis so if I ever feel like it this may be edited at some point asdahdhj idk LMAO

— Prologue

There are as many reasons to fall in love with Kageyama Tobio as there are fractals made by the ocean’s breath as the world inhales and exhales, flourishes and wilts, conquers and surrenders. It would not even be a hyperbole to say that in number, they remain unrivalled to the plethora of stars that stain the waves with their reflection and run deeper than the scars of lightyears that paint lines from Cassiopeia to Aquila.

After all, he is the darkest hue of navy blue.

Determination that moves in an orchestra of thundering waves, brandishing on its crest an admirable recklessness, heeding not for the need to call upon courage or confidence; polished instinct that endued one with the same awestruck feeling when facing the beautifully suffocating obscurity of their life in this world, a mixture of raw fear and the need to impart a piece of their soul in everything they do despite how fragile the skin shielding their heart is.

But the best part of loving Kageyama was that you were not - or will ever become - destined to be.

— Shoreline

Red.

It was a word that was always thrown about in conversations, the fuel to the catastrophes that were high school gossip chains, and the colour that held the mangled passion of the string of fate. Garishly predestined and easily tangled by unnecessary complications of jealousy and confusion, it is needless to say that you hated red with more passion than the love it emptily promises with a title as shallow as soulmates.

That was not to say you despised love. There was nothing wrong with love itself, a fact which you had decided firmly since the spry age of four years old. What was wrong was its combination with soulmates: a rigid formula, nothing like the walks with your grandmother on the bright summer roads littered with flowers as her calloused palm gently guided you, or the laughter you shared with your friends after a long run in the rain, hugging each other goodbye at the end of the day despite the muddy battle scars covering your arms and legs from falling countless times.

Your mind could have kept you engaged in your internal debate for longer if you were left to your own devices, but an awkward cough and the sound of a desk shifting towards your right brought you out of your reverie, bringing your drifting thoughts back to the classroom surrounding you.

Perhaps your look of confusion came off as hostile, for the dark-haired boy now sitting next to you looked at you with a slight glare that felt forced, an automatic effort to defend himself.

His tone of voice only confirmed your unconsciously off-putting expression as he gruffly stated, “Group project.” to explain his sudden presence.

“Oh. What’s the topic on?”

An awkward silence had ensued while you tried to calmly collect yourself by gathering a handful of pens from your pencil case after being caught in your heinous crime of not paying attention to your English teacher.

“You don’t know?” Came his reply, causing you to occupy yourself by finding extreme interest in a lime green highlighter you did not have any recollection of ever buying.

“Well, I clearly wasn’t paying attention.”

“You… weren’t?” The slight intonation in his tone was a stark contrast to your initial impression of him and caused you to look up at him, almost letting out an amused snort at his befuddled frown to which he furrowed his brows and shot a challenging “What?” in return. Realizing that he was genuine in believing that you were deep in thought over the lesson, a burst of laughter blossomed past your lips, attracting a few odd looks from your nearby peers and an abashed glare from him.

You paused to take a breath, a repetition of sorries stumbling their way out to appease the onslaught of nagging you thought would follow shortly. Instead, all the boy muttered was a simple, “You’re weird.”

“Sure, but that’s beside the point - were you paying any attention?”

“No.”

Seeing your face contorted to stop yet another bout of laughter to roam its way into the world as a result of his bluntness, he shot out of his seat and announced that he would go ask the teacher, unable to hide his puzzlement as he walked away. He would come to regret this decision when the teacher began to lecture him, earning more heads to turn his way as she scolded him before sending him off dismissively with a sticky note that you assumed had your now long-awaited topic.

Before you could thank him for enduring what could only be one of the worst things to experience as a high school student, he wordlessly handed the piece of paper to you and sat down.

“Kageyama, right? With this project, you’ll have me to thank for the A we’ll get,” you promised confidently, to which he responded with a halfhearted “Good luck.”

If he had been a close friend, you would have taken the small textbook on his desk and gently hit his head at his evident lack of belief in his capabilities, but settled for a clipped sigh instead. After all, you did not want to further contribute to the premature wrinkles Kageyama was making himself prone to with all of the brow-furrowing he did.

This is going to be one long month.

— Largo

Like how the ocean reluctantly caresses the sleeping shore as it wakes from its slumber during low tide, your lives slowly flowed together.

During the first week of your group project with him, he would greet you curtly, and on a few occasions, you would have short conversations about the outline of your book review.

And this singular week was enough to show that there was some (okay, maybe a lot) of backing behind the teacher’s warning about Kageyama’s dismal grade.

While you flipped through A Midsummer Night’s Dream, you would catch the all-too-familiar confusion on his face - it was written on his features so blatantly that it was almost comical, as if taken straight out of a shonen manga.

“You know if you’re stuck you can ask me for help.”

A slight scowl greeted you over the hedge of pages he had been burying himself in, followed by a biting, “Who said I need help?”

You could only roll your eyes in return.

“Please drop the prideful act. You've been glazing over the same page for about twenty minutes now."

After a few seconds of grumbling did he finally comply, and with your explanations, his bookmark was now comfortably sandwiched between the double-digit page numbers right as the bell rang. You hummed in satisfaction before returning your desk to your original spot, expecting him to rush out along with everyone else - so to turn around and see him still standing there was a bit of a surprise.

“Did you still need help with the last few lines?” You settled on asking, not really wanting to plague your break with work but offering nonetheless. Thankfully, he shot a look of disdain at the play as he stuffed it away haphazardly in his bag.

“No, I just wanted to,” he trailed off a bit, the tinge of red on his ears an out-of-character detail you decided not to comment on, “to say thanks, I guess.”

You smiled softly at the unexpected gesture of appreciation before giving him a teasing nudge which he stiffened slightly at.

“Well, I can’t have you bringing down my mark now can I?”

“Nevermind, I take it back.”

“Too bad, I have those words of gratitude stored nicely in my hippocampus already.”

From there, tutoring sessions with Kageyama became the norm, with you sometimes asking about his volleyball team after he had let slip that you were a better teacher than Tsukishima (something you would be sure to smugly share if you ever met the infamous middle blocker).

By the end of the month, all of the hard work - and a couple of all-nighters due to procrastination - brought forth an A as you had promised.

Even your relentless teasing, varying between “I told you so!” to “You owe me at least three meat buns now” which were all met with an annoyed “Shut up”was not enough to dim the smile he tried to hide.

— High tide

With the force of nature, the tide rose without warning; from goodnight texts to confessing to the first “I love you” uttered shyly between shameless souls, neither of you was sure where things began, but found comfort in such liberating chaos.

In times where he needed to be held, you were there, and the insecurities you would hide, he would turn beautiful. And today happened to be a day for both as you stared absentmindedly at his bedroom ceiling.

“Hey Tobio, what’s your take on soulmates?”

“We’ve been together for almost a year now, what do you think?” he put his phone down and turned towards you, “I could care less about soulmates or whatever else is worrying you enough to make your overthinking go into overdrive.”

“Rude, have some respect, it’s my profession after all,” you shoved him playfully as he snorted in reply, “It’s just... If your string ever appeared, wouldn't you rather-”

“Listen Y/n, did you know that I’m scared of dying but I’m even more terrified of the thought of living without you? I could never and don’t ever want to replace you. People can talk all they want, if I could find a love like ours without something as stupid as a piece of string then I don’t need a soulmate.”

“Really?”

With a flick to your forehead, he huffed in fake exasperation. “Really.”

“Huh, who knew you could be so romantic.”

“It's not romantic, I'm just being honest, idiot.”

“You sure could make do with some more lessons on manners and social tact. It's too bad you can't pick up on those as well as volleyball drills.”

Before he could retaliate, you enveloped him in a familiar embrace, burrowing your face into the large hoodie he donned.

It was effortless, his company.

— Ebbing away

But it wasn’t all romantic.

You fiddled with your phone as you waited for any sign that Kageyama had seen your messages, the pack of meat buns you had bought on a whim no longer letting off their fragrant steam. You knew he had an important match coming up against Seijoh, that he had to prove himself, that he lives hungrily and foolishly like no other. But his missing presence went beyond volleyball practice, keeping his distance from you even when he was right by your side.

Why am I stuck reminiscing about the past when we still have each other?

Why does every step I take towards him feel as if I’m only drawing myself farther away from him?

A carousel of rhetorical questions spun around your head as you stopped your slow pace towards Karasuno. You were not blind; you knew the rumours and dirty looks from your classmates were not something anyone could be immune to, that he tried his best to spend less time around you at school. The only conclusion you could reach was that he was ashamed: either of you, or the fact that he had begun to see his red string and could not bring himself to face you.

Ignoring the urge to let yourself cry, you glanced down at your phone once more, 8:30PM flashed across your eyes, followed by your empty notifications. There was no way he’d still be practicing at the school now and even if he was, you doubted he would be happy to see you. Maybe - no, definitely - it would be better to head home, and maybe stop by the convenience store you had bought the now misshapen meat buns from to get some tea and call it a night.

If only fate did not reciprocate your hatred towards it.

Stepping into the small store, the first person you are greeted with is none other than Kageyama Tobio. The whole situation was like a fever dream, and you would do anything to be able to let out a laugh and have him call you weird all over again. But all you could bring yourself to do was blearily stare at him.

He turned around quickly, as if not wanting to be caught before ushering you outside. “Y/n? Why are you here?” he hissed, a stiffness that he had recently adopted to his body language that you were now all too familiar with.

“What? Am I not allowed to go into any and all convenience stores I please?” You challenged, a part of you waiting for him to care enough to see how tired you were, to actually look you in the eyes for the first time in weeks.

He did not, opting to turn his head towards the door again.

“It’s not that, it’s just-”

“Just what? Tobio, what is up with you lately?” A pause ensued, broken by a small hiccup as your eyes dampened - God, how much more pathetic could you get than crying in front of some dingy convenience store - “Do you even love me anymore?”

How odd. You thought that by finally uttering the final question that had been dancing around your mind free to the world, you would feel better. That he would reassure you, as he always had.

Not that he would at last meet your gaze, grabbing your hand to look at the red string wrapped around your ring finger.

The taste of tears and Kageyama’s eyes as blue as the Atlantic all felt miles away from you as an orange-haired boy stepped out of the store, his mouth dropping into an o-shape when he saw that his string led to you, a disheveled mess arguing with his teammate.

“Kageyama…You knew? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I didn’t want to face the reality of it all. Because I was afraid of losing you.”

“But I wouldn’t leave you-”

“I know you wouldn’t but you should!” Kageyama’s furrowed brows, once a quirk of his that you were fond of, now elicited a sick turmoil in your stomach, “You have to. Please.”

You wanted to yell at him, let the blood pour out of any and all raw words of anger and hurt.

Who was he to decide what was good for you, to throw you at some boy you never met before, to give up?

Then again, you could never say you would not have done the same for him if you knew he had found his soulmate despite the sweet words he had told you so long ago.

So you let yourself go. For his sake.

#kageyama x reader #kageyama tobio x reader #kageyama x y/n #kageyama x you #haikyuu x reader

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thiswillcostyourheart · 3 years

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@fortune-maiden

#CHIBIIIIIIIIS!!!!!!! #Chibis always make everything cuter <33333 #typical Uruu kissing and running (into the boiling water...) #so much passion <3333 #Meanwhile Ran is here to fix the drowning problem forever! #(even though that still doesn't help poor Homura with the lounge chair floaty xD) #but making sure Homura doesn't drown is good too! XD #Ran is looking out for his friends! #(also sensei can i ask you an art question... what font do you use for the text in your comics?) #imtryingtolearnhowtodigitalartalittle >.<

!!!!!!! OHHH YOU ARE TRYING DIGITAL ART HAVE FUN THAT IS SO EXCITING!!!!! \;;W;;/ yes you can ask me an art question ty im so honored!! amnfgdfgd the font i use is anime ace, but i actually recommend wild words bc imo it’s a very clean and clear comic-style font that can also have a more serious feel to it... (they are both used in manga and scanlations though) the reason i used anime ace originally is that i wanted a “casual” feel ....iirc anime ace is free for personal and non-profit use, you might want to check on permissions tho bc i didnt research this enough;; >.< (ngl it can take me 1-2 hours or even all day just to arrange the type on longer comics OTL;;)

(i actually work digitally only for lines and coloring, i sketch traditionally bc ive always felt i have greater control over an actual pencil than the stylus ...which brings me to the point that im in the market for a new sketchbook brand bc my favorite brand became unavailable, im currently trying a new one but im not liking it as much OTL;; im used to a5 size but it’s taller and narrower which is making me uncomfortable.. luckily since it also has fewer pages than im used to, all this f-ran art is causing me to go through it quickly akvhsghd)

RAN IS LOOKING OUT FOR HIS FRIENDS YES YOU GET IT!!! XD (idk why but i got the impression ran was a bit protective of the group?) “still doesn’t help poor Homura with the lounge chair floaty” XDDD TRUE!!!! hopefully this does fix the drowning problem forever!! he just has to wear it at all times for the rest of his life!! XD (OMG homura sitting on the lounge chair while wearing the inner tube XDDD just don’t let him flip over the wrong way upside-down!! nooo)

uruu kissing and running INTO THE BOILING WATER YES I LOVE THIS DESCRIPTION!!!!! XDDD YAAAAAY IM SO HAPPY THE CHIBIS ARE CUTE!!! \;;W;;/ IT MADE ME SO HAPPY YOU GOT SO EXCITED FOR THEM!!! AAAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THESE LONG HEARTS!!!! /)/////(\💕💕💕💕 TYSM YOUR DESCRIPTIONS ARE ALWAYS SOOO CUTE!!!! \>/////</

#reply #the way to get me to reply fast is to ask art questions ajkvjsghd

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lizzytheauthor · 4 years

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Why not, right? Might as well just post it chapter by chapter. I might need to figure out how to like...archive all of them in one post or...maybe I could just do a page or something on the blog? Idk. I’ll figure it out later. Here’s the first chapter

Chapter 1

Yellow. Blinded by yellow. I feel wind? When did I get outside? I feel...peaceful.

I blink my eyes, and suddenly I’m laying in my bed. I look at the clock, 8am. On the dot. I look over and see a still vacant bed. I don’t remember going to sleep last night, but I...I don’t think I saw this Pete person. Maybe he’s not in yet, maybe he’s arriving later. I’m not quite sure what I’m supposed to be doing. My “treatment” is at 9. Which is in an hour. I can only assume that the treatment in question is some kind of hypnosis. I don’t believe it personally. People going under and acting strangely? Nonsense. They insist that after three or four treatments I’ll be cured? Impossible.

I can’t have been sitting there for more than 5 minutes, thinking about what to do with my time. But a quick glance at my clock read 8:50am. I swear it hasn’t been 50 minutes, yet the clock betrays me. Maybe I’m just zoning out. I’ll have to mention it to the doc-

Knock. Knock.

8:59. Hm.

I go over to the door, and open it to see one of the large men from the front. He just grunts, and I assume that means I follow him. His pace seems a lot slower, probably due to his hulking mass. It allows me to look at everything around me with more detail. The doors predictably all look the same, the halls are a bland beige with a dark blue line at about doorknob height. Occasionally there’s a potted plant at a corner, or alcove. It all reeks of hospital. I don’t like it, nor do I trust it. I especially don’t trust the time. I’ve heard of time blindness, but...surely it’s not this bad?

We round a corner, and start climbing some stairs. Strangely, it does feel like I know where I’m going? Maybe it’s just cause I’m following a large man who clearly does know. These steps feel a little more daunting. I get a sense of apprehension about just climbing them. Like...Well. It sounds silly. I feel like the stairs go on forever? It doesn’t, I mean, I can see the top. It’s right there. But it feels like it.

This thought made me turn around. I felt like I had climbed at least a dozen or so steps, and sure enough the landing is simply 6 or 7 steps down. I don’t know how to parse this information. I think it’s better to ignore it for now.

The hulking man never said a word, didn’t notice anything strange I guess. We did reach the top, after an agonizing amount of time, impossible for me to trust my own sense of time. The top of the stairs was dark. As we reached it, the light came on overhead. All I could see is an endless expanse of darkened halls. I suppose they’re motion sensors, and I’m the first treatment of the day. Maybe.

A split second, I could’ve sworn I could….hear something. I’m not sure what. Maybe it’s just the hum of the lights as they slowly gain heat from being on?

We pass door, after door, after door. It seems endless, monotonous, boring. Finally, after probably the longest walk down like 3 halls and some stairs, of my life. The large man stops, and gestures to a door.

I open it, and walk through, cause I can’t exactly tell that kind of man no, ya know? Inside the door, is a small room, there’s a single chair, under a light fixture, it’s somewhat reminiscent of a dentists office. But with less actual equipment. The door is closed behind me, and I decide to sit in the chair, cause I’m sure as hell not gonna stand. And I wait.

I wait. I wait. I wait. There’s no clock in here, so I don’t know how much time passes. If you pressed a gun to my head and asked me to tell you how much, I’d say 3 hours. Finally, the doorknob turned, and in came a doctor. A woman, early thirties probably. Long black hair, pulled into a ponytail. She’s wearing a white lab coat, and has small rectangular glasses, which she adjusted as she entered.

“Hello, uh” she looks at her clipboard, which I didn’t notice her holding previously. “Ralph. That’s a nice name.” she gives a smile, this one feels genuine. More sincere some how.

“Yea...uh...Hi?” I let out, I try not to stammer my words, I don’t even know why it’s hard for me to talk.

Her smile maintains, almost alleviating my previous concerns. Almost.

“My name is Cera. Cera O’Hara.” she extends her arm, to give me a handshake.

I think that’s what’s throwing me off, she’s the first person that seems..well...like a person. A genuine, sincere one. I take her hand, and shake it.

“Uh, can I. Hm.” I pause, maybe this is a weird question. “What time is it?”

“Oh!” she pulls out a pocket watch, it seems basic at a glance. As I stare at it, I notice there is an almost beautiful intricate etching in it. “It’s 9:15. Right, sorry about the lateness, I overslept on accident.” She puts away the pocket watch. “So, this first session isn’t going to be all that exciting. I just need to perform a basic analysis of your mental state, so I know how to properly proceed with treatment.” she lets out a light chuckle, “Not that I don’t trust the state’s doctors, but ‘C-PTSD’ is hardly a comprehensive diagnosis. It doesn’t even state causative traumas, attempted treatments, possible co-morbid diagnoses, et cetera.”

I nod my head as though I understand, but this is all way over my head. Honestly, it’s a little boring, and I almost feel as though I could fall asleep to her voice.

“So, let’s begin!” she says, with a clap.

Then, suddenly. I’m in my room. I...How did I get here? I don’t...quite remember…

A look at the clock above my door, it says it’s only 10:30...the sun is out, so it’s still morning. I remember in those ghost stories, that digital stuff is always unreliable, and old stuff works better. I focus my hearing, and I feel like with the silence of the building I can hear the motor in the clock, along with the Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Not digital. I breathe a sigh, but I don’t know if it’s from relief or...hm. Wait. No, there’s no apprehension. If I see Cera I’ll have to thank her...I’m sure this is probably her doing. It’s been...a while since I felt no tension in my shoulders.

I look at the calendar, and see there’s nothing on the schedule. Or rather, it’s more accurate to say that the only things on the calendar are treatment times. So I guess I have free access? I feel hungry, so I guess breakfast is as good as anything to start my day with. I hear it’s the most important meal of the day.

I chuckle at my dumb thought.

I begin to leave the room, and bump into him. I would not have expected pete to look like this, but I mean, he’s entering the room, so surely it’s him. He has curly red hair, glasses that seem more like binoculars on his eyes, and he’s so skinny, and short.

“Oh, uh, hi!” I try to let out, as I step aside letting him in.

He doesn’t respond immediately, instead goes to his bed and sits down. It takes a moment of agonizing silence, before he finally looks up, and notices me.

“Hello!!” he waves with this with a surprising cheerfulness, like I suddenly snapped him back into reality. “My name is Pete, are you just arriving?”

I nod, “uh, erm. No, I” I point to my bed, expecting it to be messy as I don’t remember making it. But… “Ah, well..uh, no. I came yesterday, I think.”

He looks mildly confused, but shrugs it off, “So you’ve had your first treatment then?”

“I...I think? I don’t remember. I remember the lady saying we weren’t doing anything today, but then I-”

“-’Woke up’ in your bed?” he finishes for me. “It happens.” he shrugs.

“So, that’s normal then?”

Pete thinks for a moment, “Uh, normal isn’t normal here. You’ll see, I think.” he takes out a drawing pad, and a pencil, and he starts drawing.

Not wanting to disturb my new roommate, I check the clock. 10:35. I could swear that it was longer than 5 minutes, but I suppose my sense of time is just shot. Oh! Breakfast, right. I’m hungry. My legs moved on their own, and I began to walk through the halls, I felt like I was on the second floor still, but a window I passed by betrayed me. I was on the first floor. I don’t recall any stairs. Maybe I was zoning out way harder than I thought. Finally I made it to the cafeteria.

“Hey ralph!” the jovial man handing food out addressed me, “You’re a little early for lunch, unless you want a second breakfast?” He waits for my response.

“Uh, wait, second? I never had a first.”

Brian winks at me, “Oh, I see, well here, how about some pancakes?” he seems to be sharing a one sided inside joke that I do not get.

“Sure, that sounds great!” the enthusiasm that erupts out of me surprises me.

The enthusiasm puts a thought into my mind that maybe this isn’t such nonsense. Brian puts a couple pancakes on my plate, and I walk to the table. I think about all the creepy stuff, but maybe it’s not actually creepy. Maybe it’s strange, yea, but I mean, if this fixes me, then why not? I feel better already, I think. And that was just after one treatment, which I was told wasn’t even anything.

My eyes feel kinda heavy. I should eat a little bit, for energy. I think.

With a blink, I’m transported away. A field of wheat. I notice immediately, that I’m alone, and the wheat seems endless. There’s no house, no building of any kind, no trees, nothing. Just endless wheat. I notice second, that I’m not scared. It actually feels peaceful.

I felt compelled to start walking, feeling the wind on my face, the wheat against my hands. I can almost hear voices carried by the wind, but no. I can’t make anything out. Honestly, it feels nice to just not be fearful. Stressed. I must be dreaming, right? I can’t quite wake up. Or rather, I can’t feel my sleeping body. I guess. It’s not another nightmare, yet, so I’ll just enjoy this. I’m sure it’s not unusual for a 19 year old to pass out in a cafeteria.

I walk endlessly, it feels like forever, and I know I can certainly not trust dream time. I can’t even trust my real time, so there’s no point really. I just walked. A building begins to blur into focus, in the distance. I decide to go towards it, I have nothing else to do. The building doesn’t seem to get any closer. Hours upon hours I walk towards it.

I think for a moment, that this actually IS another nightmare, but that’s not the feeling I feel. I still feel that serene grace. That quiet peace. Just walking. Maybe it’s the wind, maybe it’s the sun on my face. I don’t know. I continue walking. This seems...Fami-

CLAP.

I’m ripped out of my dream. I don’t recognize the room I’m in, but it’s not a bedroom. I try and take in my surroundings, but everything seems fuzzy. Like, like trying to imagine your childhood room, by someone who is describing it through old pictures that are worn. You can almost tell where you are, but not quite.

“Hey, come back to me.” a girls voice. No, woman. Older for sure. Not terribly old.

I try to look at the voice, but it’s so hard to focus. Why can’t I focus?

“Feel your senses returning to you, become aware of your surroundings. It’s not terribly difficult. I do apologize for the abruptness, but this is the first time you’ve been alone.” as she says this, things start coming into focus. Slowly.

The woman in the room with me, has long brown hair. Her face feels gentle, even though it’s still slightly fuzzy.

“My name is Valerie. But please don’t call me that. Call me Val.” her attitude seems different. Normal? Well, not normal for this place. But, like, normal for outside.

I become acutely aware of the room. We’re in a gym or something. There’s weights, and exercise machines. We’re the only two in the room, and it’s much bigger than I thought it was at first.

All I can mutter is, “What?”

“Come on, surely you realize what’s happening?” she waits, and I just stand there. Clearly irritated, she continues, “Hypnosis? I mean really, you’re in a hypnosis institute. Did you think it’d be therapy and gumdrops for your stay?”

She goes to the door, and checks both ways out the halls.

“Hypnosis?” I ask. I still struggle to find my thoughts.

“Ugh, yes.” she hands me a watch, “Don’t let them see this. Try to not lose time.”

I check the watch, it’s digital. 3:39pm. I lost 5 hours.

“No, no no. This has to be wrong. It was only 10 something a second ago.” I protest, but she waves her hand dismissing it.

“Missing time means they’re stealing it.” she glances out again. “Hey, go to reception, and ask for a journal. They hand them out to everyone that asks. Keep track of...well. Keep track of anything that feels important.”

“What?” but it’s no use, she’s out the door and down the hall.

I guess...I guess I’m going to go to reception and get a journal. I step out of the gym, and try to get a feel for where I am. I honestly don’t know. I see some people who look like people who work here, and decide to approach them. After all, I haven’t done anything wrong, there’s no reason for me to fear these people. Right?

“Hey, I think I’m lost.” I start, “I was eating lunch, and then all of a sudden I was in that gym.”

Which isn’t entirely the truth, but also not a lie. Surely they’d understand.

“You’re not lost.” one of them says.

I take a step back, I...what?

“What? No, I...” but then it hits me. I do know where I am. No, wait. I don’t. I swear I don’t. But my feet are already moving. Whatever panic might have started building is swiftly replaced with a calm. I don’t understand. I don’t understand any of this.

I just, try and convince my feet I want to go to the receptionist. I pass some people dressed in clothes similar to mine, they don’t acknowledge my existence. I notice they seem happy, it feels genuine. Maybe. I doubt it. I continue walking down the light beige halls, with it’s green line at doorknob height. It seems off, but I can’t quite place my finger on it.

After a handful of minutes, I arrive at the receptionist desk. I see Miranda, typing at her computer. The computer looks like an old 90’s era computer. Not what I expected in this new age institute. At any rate, Miranda notices my presence.

“Oh! Ralph! Hello! Can I help you with anything?” her cheerful attitude is still overwhelming.

“Uh, y-yea. Can I have a journal? I want...I want to write my thoughts down.” I don’t quite know what I’m going to write, but…

“Oh, pesky thoughts. Always getting in the way, I think. Maybe writing them down will rid you of them!” she smiles at me, I don’t fully get her meaning, but that sounded threatening. She reaches under her desk and pulls out an all black notebook. It looks leather? I take it. “Off you go now, it’s almost time for bed!”

I look at the clock on the wall above her. 7:40. I glance to the front doors, to confirm that it is indeed night already. How did I lose…

“Uh, oh. Ok. Yea.” I turn and go back down the hall. I feel Miranda burning a hole in my back with her stare.

After I’m well out of Miranda’s gaze, I take the watch out of my pocket. 4:39pm. I don’t get it. I don’t understand. I look around the halls, and there’s no windows. I look at one of the plaques, and see I’ve already made it to my room. I...this is strange. I don’t understand. I shouldn’t, I mean. Once again I feel the panic start to build, and it swiftly gets crushed. Nothing. Calm? No, that’s not quite it.

I walk in, and see out the window, the sun is out. It’s not right. Nothing is right. I’m not. I don’t think I’m crazy. Am I?

“Hey dude, I’m about to go get some dinner.” Pete was still drawing on his bed. I don’t know if he’s moved at all from that spot, though he is laying down instead of sitting now. He looks at me, “Whoa, hey, you ok? You’re sweating.” he sits up, and grabs a remote to turn the ceiling fan on.

Did we always have one? I don’t remember.

Am I sweating? I must be, my clothes feel damp.

“Uh, I think I’m gonna lay down...Could, you..” I pause. I don’t know what to say. How do you explain this? Maybe he knows. “Do you lose time?”

He looks at me, concerned, “Yea. I do. Hey, let me grab some food for you, just lay down, take it easy.”

He walks off. I decide to write this in my journal. Maybe taking note of things will help me retain my sanity. I hope it does. I keep the watch next to my journal as I write, I really don’t want to ‘lose’ any more time. They don’t deserve it, it’s mine.

After writing how I felt, the time loss, the way this building seems to claim my sanity. I just lay there. I feel exceptionally exhausted, yet somehow still relaxed. Is this intentional? Is this fixing me? To be fair, I haven’t thought about my parents. I feel frustrated. Again, the feeling gets squished by a larger pacificati….that’s it. Pacification. That’s what I’m feeling.

Last time I looked at the watch it said 7:06pm. A little early, but my body needs the rest. Wait, wasn’t Pete going to bring me dinner?

I hope he’s ok. I can’t help but feel myself drift off to sleep at this thought. Yellow. Again, that blinding yellow.

#my writing #horror #gaslighting #time blindness #issues with reality

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ivyandink · 4 years

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a life update

if you’re interested! :) i know im the nosy person who loves reading about peoples’ personal lives, so if that’s you.... below the cut sis, i see you lol

I have been sooo absent from tumblr for months now! And I know I don’t owe any explanations or anything, but idk, I just thought it’d be kinda fun to share with you guys what’s been keeping my mind busy and away! So here goes nothin’.

I had one hell of a summer. Emphasis on hell. Read: Family DRAMA. Which left me in a pretty rough place mentally/emotionally. In a much, much better place with it all now (altho as I say that my crazy aunt has been texting me all day tryna drag me bag into stuff lol no rest for the wicked y’all). But, when you’re feeling kinda down, it’s hard to find the energy to create.

I am starting up my web design side hustle!!! Which has been a long time coming lol. I’ve been meaning to do this for years, but things never quite lined up or worked out. Last year, I finally felt like I was at a good place to start, so I have! This is by far taking up the most space in my brain for now, as I’m still getting things off the ground. It’s hard to balance starting a business while working full time, and also trying to have other hobbies/interests/social interaction lolol. PS: If you or anyone you know needs a website designed.... ;) just sayin’. I know a gal.......... me. It’s me. I’m the gal. Moving on. :)

I’ve been revisiting my novel. Idk if I ever talked about it much on here or just vaguely referenced it here and there? But last Spring (yikes almost a year ago.. BIG YIKES) I started a novel with the goal to finish by 2020. I wrote about 3 chapters and effectively scrapped it. lmao. So here we are! Revisiting the drawing board. FYI, this novel is an adaptation of my “Disapora” story if any of yall remember that hot ass M E S S-- aka, how Eli and Clem meet, fall in love and what not. My concept is to take my Ivy characters and kind of build them out their own book series... a series that would explore generational ties and relationships, and give me space to REALLY develop these characters I’ve loved so much. Like, I could gush and geek over this forever, but developing the old Elliot and Clementine into REAL characters (let’s be honest, their development had always been a little... lite lol) feels amazing, and seeing the same character yet also they’re so different?? It’s hard to explain, but it’s exciting, and fun, and a big, long-term project/goal of mine, and 2020 is the year I write the first book!!!! Or at least start it lol.

I lost my very best furry friend, my cat Juno, in December. See above for mental hardship making it hard to create. However, Seth and I have opened our hearts and home to two little ragdoll brothers , who we’ve had for a few weeks now, and are in love with. I think Juno would’ve really loved them too. ❤️ They’re a lil bad sometimes lol I like to think they’re in the preteen phase right now, and acting up and being extra. But they’re so cute and sweet and quirky, and already apart of our little family.

Then there’s just tons of misc things that have sucked up my time. Like: learning how to use my iPad Pro + Apple Pencil, creating a digital bullet journal with said iPad/Pencil combo, researching going back to college for my MSW to then become an LCSW (good LORD the acronyms in the field... kill m e) and become a therapist, researching houses we cannot afford???? literally wasting entire days looking on Trulia/Zillow/etc. lol, trying out a super DUPER extreme elimination diet to pinpoint some of my health issues (which i suspect might be autoimmune by nature, as it runs in the fam, despite me not being diagnosed-- and there is a lot of at the bare minimum anecdotal evidence that AI diseases are caused by food intolerances), went through a weird regression where I played Zelda for a few days lmao, and I’ve also taken up a daily manifestation journaling practice! And lord knows what else. :)

All of this is to say.... YEAH I’ve been busy. But here I am. I can’t make any promises to myself or others are my content, how often I’ll post, if I’ll ever even finish this dang story, or what. But!! That’s all good. :) I’m gonna let myself have fun with this hobby. Because for ME, I need something I can just have fun with. Read all the above points for things in my life that aren’t meant to be taken very seriously and leave no room for ‘just have fun with it’ and you’ll get it lolol. At the end of the day tho, I love tumblr, for as much shit as we all talk about it. It scratches a very particular itch for me, and it’s an enjoyable itch to scratch (???? weird metaphor but ok). It’s fun. I love the community (I’m good at blocking the icky blogs, and love my mutuals/followers/anons/people who interact). And I love having Like Ivy in the back of my head, getting ideas and inkings for it here and there, with no pressure on myself to do anything with it, right away. I want to keep this as my creative, free for all kinda space. But that might mean some radio silence here and there. I feel like most my main followers are also adults tho with busy lives??? So I’m sure y’all more than understand the struggle lolol.

OH I almost forgot-- keep your 👀 peeled for the return of my Youtube channel this year! That was another fun hobby I enjoyed doing just for myself. I still need to figure out how I can make it work for me, in my new crazy life/schedule lol but alas!!!!! I’m a double scorpio and i LOVE a good challenge. Also might be a bit of a masochist??? So, I’ll figure it out, no worries lolol.

If you read this, and got all the way to the end without tapping out, I just wanted to say hey 👋 I see you. You’re awesome. I love you. Thanks for being interested in me. Also, we’re nosy creepers together, so we clearly have that in common 💁‍♀️ and idk! even if I’m not posting, I’m always lurking/around and always open to chat, answer asks, whatever. :) And if you have any questions about anything I wrote here, feel free to shoot them my way too!! All humans lowkey love talking about themselves (this post? case, and point oof). No shame~

Anyways-- thanks for reading!

#nonsims #yall wanna creep my life errr what #bc i wrote u a novel #:)

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softgrungeprophet · 4 years

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i’m going to post a bunch of pictures of wyatt in chronological order excluding anything that makes him any shade of red. partially just cause i feel like it, also just to see how he’s changed visually thru the years (or how he hasn’t)

by NO MEANS comprehensive

1960s:

His FIRST appearance, 1966, Fantastic Four vol 1 #50. Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, no idea who did colors on either the original or the digital recolor. classic. delightful. very tall. six-foot-six and charming

1970s:

He’s mostly shades of light red/pink..... for most of the 70s...

uh... Marvel Team-up #18 (1974) seems alright. Len Wein on writing, Gil Kane on pencils, Frank Giacoia and Mike Esposito on inks, Glynis Wein on colors so I’m actually shocked he’s not red cause she does that.... a lot.

1980s:

stop me if you’ve seen this one--a classic from Marvel Graphic Novel #18 in 1985... (The Sensational She-Hulk! not the series.) Writing and art by John Byrne, ink by Kim DeMulder, color by Petra Scotese

1989--She-Hulk: Ceremony #1 written by Dwayne McDuffie, with pencils by June Brigman, ink by Stan Drake and color by Paul Mounts. very cute and handsome. a weird comic with weird pacing that i’m not sure if i can recommend--it does a lot of stereotypical stuff but also is one of few comics to give wyatt a little more depth.

1990s

we’re just going to skip allll the way past Sensational She-Hulk

1990: Marvel Graphic Novel #62: Ka-Zar: The Guns of the Savage Land written by Chuck Dixon and Timothy Truman with pencils by Gary Kwapisz and inks and colors by Ricardo Villagran.... another handsome one, mostly. bit of an odd comic imo but fun.

Fantastic Four #394 in 1994, written by Mike Lackey, penciler: Paul Ryan, inker: Dan Bulanadi, colors by John Kalisz. have not read, but have seen pages and this scene is cute imo. he looks like the punisher lol

Early 2000s:

...idk why i used such a terrible crop but it’s fine. 2000--Fantastic Four vol 3 #29, writer: Chris Claremont, Penciler: Salvador Larroca, Inker: Art Thibert and Colorist: Liquid! Personally not a fan. Claremont’s run is fun but I just... find his approach to Wyatt’s family and tribe lacking--felt like he just made a bunch of stuff up instead of looking into his character.

Fantastic Four #543 (2007) "C'mon Suzie, Don't Leave Us Hangin'" Writer: Dwayne McDuffie, Penciler: Mike McKone, Inker: Andy Lanning and Cam Smith, Color: Paul Mounts. Same dude who colored Ceremony which i would not have believed if you told me cause he’s way paler here and also it’s just generic digital coloring vs the colorful paint in Ceremony..... weird. fucking massive arms though, jesus christ

Fantastic Four #543 (2007) "A Day At the Races" Writing and art by Paul Pope with colors by Jose Villarrubia. I haven’t read this cause I’ve been having trouble finding it.... art is weird.... kind of ugly... yet weirdly captivating......

20-teens

She-Hulks #2 (2010/2011) Writer: Harrison Wilcox, Penciler: Ryan Stegman, Inker: Michael Babinski, Color: Guru-eFX. I thought this min-series was actually really well-done for the most part, though the She-Hulks are too small and SO IS WYATT? He’s the size of a regular, possibly kind of short man which is really weird. The colors are odd too, it’s clear he’s supposed to be darker than Jen but he looks very desaturated. he’s not bad looking though and he’s sweet. just too short.

FF vol 2 #3 (2013) Written by Matt Fraction, penciled and inked by Michael Allred, colored by Laura Allred. Um.... I ignored most of the plot in this FF series, but the personal moments I found really nice and this is a great Wyatt-- Tall, dark and handsome. And charming.

She-Hulk Vol 3 #6 (2014) written by Charles Soule with art by Ron Wimberly. Haven’t read this yet but plan to. The art in this issue is.... interesting...

Fantastic Four vol 5 #11 (2014) written by James Robinson, pencils by Leonard Kirk, ink by Karl Kesel and colors by Jesus Aburtov. The pencils on this are okay I guess but the coloring I’m not a fan of. Wyatt being WAY paler than his other 2014 appearances isn’t great and I hate when colorists make brown eyes orange. The story seems fun though.

Fantastic Four vol 6 #1 (2018) Written by Dan Slott, penciled by Sara Pichelli, with ink by Pichelli and Elisabetta D'Amico, and colors by Marte Gracia. At least he has a different skintone than Johnny here.

I won’t bother talking about my complaints with this run but all of the colorists have made Wyatt pretty pale and after a decent amount of his appearances being tan it’s offputting. I didn’t include them but Jesus Aburtov has another stint on this that’s REALLY pale, and Erick Arciniega makes him pretty pale too.

adam hughes’ art is nice tho, in issue 5--he did all the pencils, inks and colors I believe, in the bachelor party ish. love his red tuxedo jacket.

2020s!!!!!!

he hasn’t appeared yet but.. BUT. This upcoming cover, a palate cleanser, if you will:

from the upcoming Fantastic Four #20. looks to be by Nick Bradshaw and John Rauch, a beautiful cover as always, on which everyone is attractive imo. sky is always cute tbf. johnny is lovely, love his dumb outfit... wyatt is nice and big and solid and handsome which is nice to see after a bunch of far-too-slender and pale wyatts. he is 6′6″ okay! at LEAST 260 lbs if not closer to 290

#nadia reads comics #wyatt wingfoot #just for organization's sake #idk why i posted so many from 2018 tbh

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fuddraws · 6 years

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Hey,is it alright to ask you your brush settings?thanks in advance!

Hey anon! Lately I’ve been using the binary/pixel tool in Sai, with the minimum size at around 25%. I draw and color it at 100%, and save it at 50% of the canvas size. Here’s the Alice drawing at full view:

It comes out sharper than the default pen tool, and it’s much easier to color and edit the lines. I used to use the pencil tool in PS, but that one doesn’t really….idk, it seems a bit clunky compared to Sai. I feel like I lose some control with it.

I use the default pen tool for my icon commissions with the minimum size at 25%. It works great for sketching and inking. These are drawn at 100% and uploaded as is. I turn off the pen stabilization in Sai, which I think effects all the brushes. This might not be for you, but I have more control when it’s off.

I’m assuming you’re asking about digital art only, but just in cause, the drawing in the middle of the last post is a lithograph, which I’d like to explain in another post sometime. But the marks in that can be made with a dark, sharp crayon or charcoal.

Also anon! Keep in mind that the way you use your marks is just as important as the tool. Have fun and experiment with the brush settings. See what you like!

#asks #brush settings #digital

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a-crows-companion · 6 years

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I decided to give another shot at doodleing on the iPad.

I tried ages ago, and figured I’d try again, considering that my current style, which is more cartoonish now than it was then, would be better suited for it.

This was my first layer, a sketch that took a while. I had been playing around with a creepier look, hence the spindle-y arms. I also wanted to emphasize the cartoonish look, so I made her head a bit big on a thin neck.

I’m actually really proud of the face. Usually faces take me a lot of tries when I’m doing them digitally, and recently I’ve been having a hard time with them even with the old fashioned paper and pencil. It only took me one try (on the sketch) which made me really happy, since faces (and people) are what I do best.

This is where I’m going to leave it for now, as it’s currently 12:20. I’m going to add the pentacle into the color layer.

I also swapped the cat for a bird. Just because I suck at drawing cats. Seriously they end up looking like a weird rodent-thing that a toddler made of of play doh.

I had a tough time with the bird, because after I did the line art (in black) I decided I wanted the bird to be in a negative color way (idk the actual words cause I’ve taught myself - wish I had the money for a class tho - but basically I wanted the bird black and the lines white). I use a regular iPad (I think it’s a mini? Idk it’s my mom’s) and a stylus (the ones with the squishy ends- this IPad is too old for one of the new apple pencils or whatever they’re called) and a free app, called sketches (it was either free or five bucks, I don’t remember. There’s a version of it that’s free) so I have pretty basic tools to use.

Took me way too long and way too much work, but the bird finally looked decent so there’s that.

I’m hoping to color it tomorrow.

Lol if you’ve actually read this far then thanks.

All the best,

Bean

#bean’s adventures #bean's rambles #bean’s doodles

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moderngirlmp3 · 3 years

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hi!! and dw, take as much time as you need to reply <3 /gen

CJKDANSLVXSDVSJKLS !!! i do have discord, would you mind sending me the copy of ols? :D

sghslkdfjlsdf soda because i have a sweet tooth <3 good luck finding cdth!! i borrowed it digitally from my local library so idk if that's much help to you :// it was such a good read tho, i loved it and am currently looking for a copy of mister impossible.

ooooohh that sounds. so cool !!! i definitely want to read more works in the osemanverse!! quality time and physical touch, that's so valid bestie <333

there is a right answer?? uhHHHH /lh. mm kinda? it's not my favorite but i do like sparkling drinks in general so i don't hate it. scary movies/shows? not particularly, i get startled really easily (despite the number of times i accidentally startle everyone hsdklfj) so jump-scare horror movies are probably not up there lmao. horror movies aren't bad imo, but i do tend to have an overactive imagination, which !! not exactly the most helpful thing for horror movies yknow? i'd watch them if someone else wanted to though. ooh i love that question!! i think for family, it's quality time or acts of service. and then for friends, mainly physical touch and quality time. also words of affirmation!! (i completely forget if this is supposed to be what works for me or how i show love ? whoops but ~regardless~)

:DD your questions: how often do you make typos, and how often do you bother to correct them? do your love languages change depending on who you're with? pens or pencils? - 🌵

aaah okay!! dm me your discord and i'll send it :D

yeah okay i'll check libby!! im very excited sdlfjskldsjf

aaaah yes omg read all of the osemanverse all of the books are SO good. which ones have you read?

lmao. sparkling water is absolutely terrible it feels like it's trying to eat my tongue. ahaha yeah jump scares are. not fun. yeah okay same lmao i definitely don't love horror movies!! would you watch stuff like crime shows? like criminal minds for example skjflsdfjskdf. oooh, that's so valid!! yeah it works for either sldfjsldfj

okay i make typos SO OFTEN but uhh. it depends. okay on some servers i'm on i correct my typos so i don't get bullied (affectionately) but on others i just sort of give up and send whatever. and uhh. yeah i think actually mine change the same as yours!! like with family, it's quality time and acts of service, but with friends it's quality time and physical touch! hmmm... i like both but i guess pens cause there are so many colors and pencils break really easily!!

okay your questions: going back to the blanket fort thing, how would you decorate it? what kinds of lights, stuff like that? what's your favorite animal? thoughts on jeans?

#plu answers #anon #🌵anon

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the-rxven-king · 7 years

Note

Hey I'm curious what brushes do you use on Krita?

!!!!

shit ive never been asked anything about my artsy stuff before oh boy

theres this one default brush i really like, called Basic_tip_default, which im... pretty sure is the brush you start with when you open the program lmfao. i use that one for line work or when im coloring over traditional drawings at 50% opacity or less. theres also one from the colorsmudge section i use a lot, which is Basic_wet (should be the 3rd one in the list????) cause i like when im able to blend things. i also like the Blender_blur brush, which is also in color smudge

and just a side note but for freckles i use the splatter_thin brush and just like.... go to town tbh??? like if its just across the bridge of the nose and cheeks ill get the color i want and then just scribble back and forth until i get the amount of freckles i want and then shrink the line and erase any stray dots until i like how it looks, and im sure you can do that for a full face as well, as well as like arms, a back, chest, wherever your character might have freckles.

i also have two brush packs downloaded, which i use a lot of brushed from. the first one is deevad’s brush set v8.2, which is just... perfection within itself honestly i love it a lot. i mostly use the 1d pencil, which in its icon is the black pencil with a red ring around it. i also tend to use the grey kneaded eraser one when i erase things (1a eraser thin) and i tend to use those a lot. a brush i found i like but i havent had much of a chance to use yet is the 2c hair brush which is just... cool. you could probably do something dramatic with it. i have a bunch of drawings of graves i need to move to digital i can use that brush in i just like it for literally no reason and would like to be able to use it more

i also have this brushpack from meemodraws which im.... not sure i actually have the full thing of tbh??? that pack is downloaded differently than the deevad one, and for a while i thought it had broken my krita lmao.... i do know that i have the first four brushes pictured tho so on that topic i use the 2b pencil brush from that one, and id probably use more brushes from that set if i could figure out how to get them and not ruin my krita and give myself a heart attack

i hope that was helpful even tho im like!!!! not that great at describing them. if you want like... pictures or something you can send in another ask or pm me and ill show you the icons and stuff if this doesnt help enough for that???? idk!!! ive never been asked about digital art stuff together im honestly so giddy about it like jknfjkfn

#the raven king speaks #fkjgnfjkn #long post #sorta.... but yea hopefully that was helpful enough!!!!#Anonymous

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surveys-at-your-service · 7 years

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Survey #92

“i’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me?”

five things you associate yourself with: youtubers, meerkats, video games, snakes, photography. what’s your sleeping playlist (give me five songs)? i don't actually listen to music to sleep, but if i did... "lay your world on me" by ozzy osbourne, "nothing else matters" by metallica, "perfectly flawed" by otep, "coma black" by marilyn manson, "nebel" by rammstein. what is something that you’ve always wanted to be/have/get but can never have? a pet meerkat. but one, it's not legal in the u.s., but also, i don't really support keeping them as pets. are you a bee or a butterfly person? a dog or a cat person? butterflies and dogs. what would you like to call your significant other? i use "hunny" most frequently. what are the names of your pets? teddy, cali, bentley, venus. do you like to dip your fries or do you like it as is? depends on my mood. sometimes i like them with ketchup, sometimes not. any special talent that you have? catastrophizing lmao who was your first crush? not sure of *first*, but the first i remember was dylan. who was your 5th grade teacher? mrs. whitley. she was also my second grade teacher. who would you kill if you could get away with it? no one. what was your high school mascot? firebird. what was your first screen name? uhhh, flowerourqueen i think? how do you feel about same sex marriage? go for it, dude. what are your favorite pieces of poetry? anything edgar allan poe. what’s your favorite season? winter. what’s your fatal flaw? i have zero confidence. what color are your pants? orange, black, and white. they're halloween-themed. when was the last time you read a good book? when i was in the hospital. "rise of the lich king" was great. favorite clothing store? rebel's market. how often do you go to parties? if you don’t, what do you do instead? i never go to parties. and... stuff? who is the smartest person you know? girt. craziest thing you’ve ever done? go on a ride i was absolutely horrified of at a totally sketchy festival. is there a guy who you can go to with no make-up on in sweatpants and bedhead and he couldn’t care less? yeah, girt. do you and your family pray before eating dinner? no. what’s your favorite video game? "silent hill 2" do you own any form of a gameboy? yes. what’s your favorite store in the mall? hot topic have you ever gotten a matching piercing or tattoo with someone? yes. do you like corn? yeah. ever made out in a pool? not that i remember. last vacation destination you went to? the beach. have you ever been to seaworld? yes. why were you last hospitalized? suicide attempt. do you prefer analogue or digital clocks? analogue, aesthetically. are you one to sneak food into movie theaters? hell yeah i am because you're crazy if you pay that much for /movie theater/ food. do you feel more comfortable with a male or female doctor/nurse? a female, because i'm a female. can you write well in cursive? yes. my normal writing is a mix of cursive. have you ever kissed someone who has previously kissed someone you hated? yep. is your all-time favorite television show still on air? no. would you ever donate blood? i have before, but i probably wouldn't again. i'm too scared of passing out. are you looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend? not actively, no. have you ever painted a car? no. are there any gnomes in your yard? no. what’s your favorite type of seafood? i only like shrimp. have you ever been to florida? yes; my grandma lives there. which is harder - walking in the snow or sand? sand. do you think it’s okay to flirt with someone that’s already taken, as long as it goes no further? no. are you adopted? no. do you say “i love you” even when you don’t mean it? i have to to my mom when she says it to me even if i'm pissed at her and don't feel like i do because if i don't, she pitches a fucking fit. do you prefer wheat or white bread? wheat. is your profile private? my facebook profile? yeah. do you break things when you are mad? no. people who do that scare me. is it okay to kiss people if you’re single? no. that can really result to leading people on. do you want to be single? i don't *want* to be, but i don't *mind* being single. there's a difference. have a built-in pool in your backyard? no. a trampoline? no. do you go tanning? no. ever been to a circus? yes. do you keep magazines by your toilet? no. what are the best kind of girl scout cookies? those ones that're peanut butter filled and covered with chocolate. do you like to have ice in your drinks? no. waters it down. name a topic you consider yourself knowledgeable with. meerkats. what’s the easiest way to make you smile/laugh? just whisper "top of the mornin' to ya laddies" into my ear ho. okay no seriously idk. do you own any band merch? yeah. what is your favorite way to eat popcorn? (buttered, salted, plain..) buttered and salted. have you ever faked being sick to get out of something? yep. do you know how to read music? i used to. probably not anymore. what's the saddest video game you've ever experienced? "that dragon, cancer" do you know how to tap dance? i know how to clog. same thing, just different shoes. did you believe in santa clause when you were little? yes. my ex didn't tho and i felt so bad for him lol. what’s your favorite flavor of skittles? red how bad are your hangovers? never had one. have you ever broken a bone? if so, what was the cause of it? not broken, but fractured. i bent my wrist all the way backwards when i fell while skating. which of your five senses would you give up? smell. are there any animals you flat out refuse to touch? slugs, maggots/larvae... what brand of batteries do you usually get? duracell, i think? what super power would you refuse, if it was offered to you, and why? mind reading. what's your favorite discontinued product that you wish would come back? hmmm... who is someone you would never swear in front of? my grandma. have you ever caught a fish? yeah. is there a song that makes you cry every time you hear it? no. a plant grows on your grave after you die, carrying a piece of your soul - what plant would it be? a weeping willow tree. pen or pencil? pencil. can you run a mile in under 7 minutes? HA what’s your favorite shampoo/conditioner? i use suave. are you a fan of the grand theft auto series? no. do you like the beach? not really. i hate the feeling of sand. have you ever sleep walked? no. how about sleep talked? yeah. gum or mints? gum who did you last attend a concert with? mom, nicole, jason. have you ever received nude pictures from someone? no. admit it: you had a neopets account. you're goddamn right i did lmao waffles or pancakes? pancakes. name a food that doesn’t sit well in your stomach. fancier foods, really. my stomach gets upset fast. what’s your favorite eye color? blue. have you ever been accused of cheating? nope. do you like chinese food? only the fried rice and eggrolls. how big is your bed? queen favorite comedian? john pinnette, rip<3 do you smoke? no. does anyone like you? *shrugs* do long distance relationships work? sure, some do. pancakes or french toast? french toast. best thing about winter? snow!! do you have feelings for someone? i always will. do you like sushi? never tried it, never will. i'm perfectly aware i'd hate it. do you like your hair? yeah. it's really healthy. have you ever been prescribed narcotics? yes, xanax. does it take a lot for someone to annoy you? NOPE do you want your tongue or belly button pierced? i wanted snake eyes on my tongue for a long time, but i learned from a professional piercer that with me having a metal retainer behind my bottom teeth, it's really an awful idea. a belly button piercing would be cute, but i'd need to be much skinnier to look good with one. do you hate it when people smoke around you? very much. can you take a bra off with one hand? no. are you donating your organs? yes. i won't exactly need them, might as well help others. what kind of deodorant do you use? secret. do you sleep on your side, stomach or back? side, always. ever met any online friends in person? no, but i want to. do you know how to sew? no. did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? i shared a room with my little sister nicole for years. have you ever been a fan of n*sync? of course i was. but i was and still am more of a bsb gal. do you think you’re fat sometimes? i don't just think i am, i'm fully aware i am. do you think you would be a good parent? no. are you any good at math? i actually was until the alphabet came into it lmao have you ever been called a hick? no. have you ever rode around in the bed of a pick up truck? ha ha ha bad follow-up question. but yes. can you touch your nose with your tongue? no. were you a big jump roper back in the day? yes. i got very close to being able to double-dutch. can you play pool? i mean i'm not good, but there's nothing hard about hitting a ball with a stick. do you think that you are a good singer? no. what languages can you count to ten or higher in? english, german time for a random question about the person you love/like. what’s his/her favorite food? i'm not entirely sure, but i think pizza. what’s the age difference between your parents? which one is older? two years. mom's older. if someone read your mind right now, what would they hear? chanting of "BILL! BILL! BILL!", mark fischbach's laughter, dank memage, and. y'know. other stuff. do you like egg yolks? NO. have you ever played bejeweled? yes. my mom was totally into it for a while. who would you never give a kidney to? my mom. at least i'd probably do it; i'd be really fucking scared. my mom only has one kidney to begin with, so if this kidney fails, she's done. have you ever been bitten by a rat? no. my pet rats have nibbled on me before, but never bit me. do uncrustables look disgusting to you, or is that just me? i think they're gross, honestly. does blueberry syrup sound good to you, right now? no, ew. is there someone that has really influenced your life? who? my therapists at holly hill and mark fischbach taught me soooo much about positivity. come on, everyone loves cartoons! what’s your favorite one? pokemon, duh. what is the most common misconception with you? i'm antisocial and don't care because i don't talk much. out of the seven deadly sins, which do you feel is the worst? wrath. have you been guilty of that sin a lot? no. i'm not a vicious person. congrats, you’re getting a new car! what color do you choose? i don't drive, but if i did, i want a burnt orange car. be honest: do you illegally download music? yeah. what’s the worst crime someone can commit? rape. do you ever rock out to those 90s songs? hell yeah. shit i grew up with. what color is the hair of the last person you kissed? black. does the last person you kissed wear glasses? no. who knows the most about you - your friends or your parents? my ex knows more about me than anything, but between the two, my mom. how many people would you say you’ve been ‘in love’ with? one. ever have detention at school? what for? yes, for too many tardies. if your parents were going to adopt one of your friends, who do you think they would choose? colleen. has anyone ever tried to ruin a relationship you were in? what happened? yes. and the bitch didn't get her wish. were you ever bullied in school? how did you deal with it? no, thank god. what dog breed is the cutest ever? akita inu. do you or have you ever owned a pair of light up shoes? as a kid, yeah. ha ha i loved them. when was the last time you watched the sun set? hm. it's been too long. i think it was this one time chelsea, colleen, and i went walking around a soccer field. would you ever have an open relationship? HA. no. by society's standards, are you attractive? ha, no. would you let your kid smoke weed? hell no. who was your first friend? brianna. we were like two. have you ever been to germany? i wish. what is your middle name? marie. catherine if you count my catholic middle name. do you have any nieces or nephews? including half-siblings, i have ten or eleven that i know of. i can't remember if katie has three or four, and idk if tiffany has kids. do you know anyone who's in a destructive/unhealthy relationship? yes. if you had money right now, what's one thing you would buy? tickets and gas to go see markiplier's show in june, if he plans a show within reasonable driving distance from nc. would you ever own an exotic animal? depends on *how" "exotic." ex., i'd own a sugar glider or kinkajou. when you decide you’re ready to become a parent, what’s something you would never do that your parents have done in the process of you growing up? you mean *if* i wanted to be a parent, which i don't? first of all, i'd never, ever, spank my kids. do fucking not teach your kids through fear. who is the funniest person you know? that i know personally? girt. have you ever kissed underwater? i think so. would you rather have big or small dogs? i like medium-sized dogs. what is your opinion on beards? depends. what is the most fun part of halloween to you? dressing up! do you believe that the moon landing was real or do you think it was fake? i actually do see why some people think it's fake because there are some VERY compelling pieces of evidence, but i do believe it was real. what is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done? oh, where to begin. what is the worst thing a relative ever did to you? like screamed at me and called me an ungrateful bitch. do you think that everyone is capable of love? no. if you could have a customized phone, what would you put on it? ha ha i really want that cute case that looks like a medicine bottle and is labeled "chill pills" when you were little, what was your favorite game? the original "spyro the dragon" trilogy would you rather sleep on the moon with a stardust dress or on a tiny flower with a sunflower dress? well there's a strange question. but the first. what is one thing that reminds you of childhood? catching fireflies. have you ever talked to someone when they were high? not knowingly. when was the last time you read a full book? months ago. in february, i started reading "the maze runner," but i didn't finish it. how many brothers do you have? one half-brother. do you like mexican food? no. are you old enough to buy alcohol? oh wow... i just fully fathomed that i am. who’s your favorite disney character? mufasa. have you ever taken the eharmony personality quiz? HAHAHA GUYS I DID ONCE OUT OF TOTAL CURIOSITY AND IT COULDN'T MATCH ME WITH ANYONE what’s the nickname of your home state? tar heel state. have you ever thought about your wedding? yeah. what’s the worse type of weather in your opinion? scalding hot and humid. ugh. would you rather read or write? write. would you rather see taylor swift or carrie underwood in concert? i mean really neither, but i prefer carrie. growing up, did you see your cousins often? no. none of my cousins live in nc. do you have any posters on your walls? lots. two silent hill ones, one of illidan from wow, one of metallica, one meerkat one, one music-oriented one, a quote by mother teresa, and one of jack skellington. what’s your favorite sad song? probably "fade to black" by metallica. do you personally know any authors? i met a poet while in the hospital once. he was quite talented. what condiments do you like on hamburgers? ketchup, mustard what did you get your dad for his last birthday? nothing. i don't get money and god knows mom would never buy me something for him. do you like foods with coconut in it? no. do you like carrots more if they’re raw, or cooked? i don't like carrots. what’s a chore you don’t mind doing? vacuuming have you ever been to costco? we don't have costco here. do/did you have to wear a uniform to your high school? no, thank god. how many video games do you own? A LOT. we have a huge case. do you like the name cindy for a girl? no. have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal? no. what are your point of view of the world? ex. liberal/conservative, spiritual/atheist: mostly conservative, religious. is there an age where being a virgin, you think, would be awkward? ... no? do you find zac efron sexy? eh, not "sexy," but cute. do you think aliens are real? no, but who really cares. be concerned about our planet first. do you have any scars on your body? left shin, chin, and the top of my right wrist. what was your favorite childhood toy? i actually had a bunch i used to play with. two t-rexes, a tricerotops, two crocodiles, two deer, and a few pokemon figurines. i actually still distinctly remember the deer was named kim and the crocodile was named marlin and they were husband and wife lmao. don't argue with my childhood logic. what color is your favorite eye shadow? black. what’s your favorite hairstyle on a guy? i am a fucking 14-year-old bc i have a huge weakness for the emo swoop okay. who was the last person to call you beautiful? tyler. what is your least favorite sour patch kids color? orange. would you take your ex boyfriend/girlfriend back? tyler, no. jason, only if he SERIOUSLY proved himself to me again. are your parents religious? yeah. are you religious? yes. do you actually read your friends' surveys, or do you just copy paste them and fill them out yourself? i do. it's a good way to learn about people. which is your favorite episode of “i love lucy”? i'm not gonna spell this right, BUT THE VITAMEATAVEGIMAN ONE. name two people who you are closest with? mom and sara. which one of those two people would you eat first if you were starving? neither. i'd rather die. there are some things where living would no longer be worth it. do you know what the heck the difference is between the statements “we’re just dating” and “we’re together”? yes. "we're together" is definitely more serious. what would you call your aesthetic? gore, glitchy art, pastels, jellyfish, lace, black, scene/goth/emo style bc LAME, space, vintage favorite songs at the moment? it's been "do i wanna know?" by the arctic monkeys for a long time. favorite movies? my #1 is "alice in wonderland," tim burton's version. i also love "the crazies," "blair witch project 2: book of shadows," "white chicks," etc. what’s the name of the last cat you pet? either lexi (our old cat), or one of anna's (sister's mother-in-law) many cats. have you ever eaten stringed green beans before? yes. when talking on the phone, do you place it against your left or right ear? right. what’s your favorite flavor of muffin? chocolate chip. does your father have any facial hair? yes. does your sibling have a significant other? katie, bobby, and tiffany, idk. misty and ashley, yes. nicole, no. any idea what you want for your next birthday? another tattoo. have you ever ridden an elephant? no. what parts of your body are shaved? armpits and legs. imagine you are 34 weeks pregnant. you are healthy and you didn’t have any major problems in your pregnancy. would you consider flying from the uk to germany, which takes one hour, without a bad feeling that something could go wrong or the baby decides to come out earlier? no. i probably just wouldn't do it. has anyone ever mistaken you for a satanist? yes, because of my wardrobe, especially in high school. would you take a very casually dropped 'maybe i should just kill myself’ as a warning sign? yes. are you aware that although only about 14 percent of the american total population is black, that about 70 percent of the people in jail in america are black? why does something tell me that the person who made this survey is racist?? do you agree with the people who say that everyone is bi-sexual even if they don’t want to admit it? absolutely not, that's ridiculous. if you knew that one of your friends was considering suicide, what would you say to them? cliche, but i'd tell them it's not the answer nor is it ever worth it. and i'd call 911 myself. which disney princess do you think is the most beautiful? why? hm. not sure. if you met the celebrity that you most admire, what would be the first thing you’d say to him/her? god bless if i ever met mark, i know i'd tell him first, "if there truly is a god, i want him to be like you." what genre of movie do you typically watch the most? i prefer horror. do you enjoy visiting zoos or wildlife parks? yes to both. if you could bring back any extinct animals, what would you pick? tasmanian tiger. would you ever eat a traditional "pet", like cat, dog or guinea pig? no. what kind of wild animals do you see where you live? squirrels, opposums, raccoons, whitetail deer... what do you think of animals like orcas/dolphins being kept in captivity for entertainment? i don't support it. which one of your friends have you known the longest? colleen. are you good at making new friends? no. can you describe what was going through your mind during your last kiss? it only lasted a second, but "i really don't know if i should be doing this." how many friends do you have, whose name begins with g? one: girt do you like the hunger games? i've read the first book and seen the first movie. it's fine. are you any good with kids? no. like i shit you not i once pet my niece's head lmao would you ever like to meet marilyn manson? no. he's one of my all-time favorite artists, but i don't want my already-poor image of him to be further defiled. love him as a musician, but he's honestly a pretty shit person. would you rather hold hands or link arms with your significant other? hold hands. do you always blow-dry your hair after you wash it? never. i would be there for a looong time. my hair is super super thick and takes at least ten minutes to fully blow-dry. have you ever witnessed a birth? only cat births. i never want to experience a human birth. it's not magical, it's gross. do you buy eggnog around the holidays? eggnog's gross. have you ever been on a farm? yes. last three texts on your phone are from? mom, sara, ashley. did you ever have braces? i did for too long because we didn't have the money to take them off. thank god they're gone now. what was the hardest language you’ve ever tried to learn? latin. that shit was like impossible. who is the prettiest person you’ve ever met? my friend alon. what does your voice sound like? mumbly, deep. what event did you last dress up for? who went to that event? my sister's wedding. and lots of people. do you believe prayer really works? honestly don't know. i kinda think it's just a display of faith to talk to god. idk if it really influences him to "do" anything. Nope. does it bother you when dogs lick you? no. do you feed your pets human food? they'll sometimes get a little piece. what’s the strangest or rarest creature you’ve seen at a zoo? i think i've been to a zoo that had a tiger once... do you think violence in video/computer games influences the nation? no. that claim is ludicrous. i’m sure you know of the gamer fad on youtube. who’s your favorite? markiplier, easily. but i also like pewdiepie and 8bitryan. deserts: dreary or beautiful? beautiful. ever seen a panda? no. ever actually seen a snake in the wild? yes. i've seen rattlesnakes, water moccasins, and others. have you ever had a PET snake? what kind? yes. i've now had/have three ball pythons. ever had an encounter with a snapping turtle? they’re scary! yes. my sister actually caught a huge one while fishing. dad sadly had to just cut the line. wherever you live, have you ever seen your national bird? once. ever had a reptile as a pet that you had to feed crickets? yes, a chinese water dragon. ever play hearthstone? yeah. didn't really get into it. ever gone hunting? biggest thing you’ve ever shot? no. i don't really support hunting for sport. how about fishing? biggest thing you’ve ever caught? lots of times. pretty big river catfish. coolest place you’ve ever been fishing? ohhhhh! there's this place downriver of a dam that's deep in the woods. like, DEEP in the woods. it's sooo fucking beautiful. what’s in a camel’s back? fat. steve irwin: foolish for messing around with animals or brave for teaching us? he was fucking amazing. don’t you think it’s a bit deceptive to wear a push-up bra? *rolls eyes* do you truly believe we came from chimps? nope. well, what do you think of extra bones and even organs in our bodies? why do we have them? do your research and you'll know that our "extra" organs actually have purpose; i can't remember which, i think the appendix though, is vital to an fetus's existence. as for bones, i honestly don't know, but i don't believe that automatically points to evolution. weirdest video game you’ve ever played? i mean i'd say the whole "silent hill" series is pretty damn weird. what’s your favorite kind of penguin? emperor. don’t you think we’re spending too much money on exploring the mere theory of climate change? "theory." get outta here. everyone always wants to know your favorite animal. what’s your SECOND favorite? probably rhesus macaques. i just really like social animals. would you marry someone of a different religion? depends on the religion, honestly. religion plays a key role in determining your core beliefs. favorite song by the band the offspring? "pretty fly for a white guy," probably. maybe "self esteem." have you had your wisdom teeth out? no, but i have one on my bottom right that technically needs out, but after hearing how painful that procedure is, i reeeaaally don't wanna do that. your appendix? no. do you like the idea of promise rings in relationships? sure. not quite ready to promise marriage, but promise to be ready some day. would you date someone 8 years older than you? yeah. what is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex? lmao what secret weapon? do you have a favorite name? what is it? alessandra. do you watch scary movies on your own? yeah. scary movies just don't affect me. have you ever had to have stitches? yes, in my chin. what was your favorite pokemon as a child? charmander.

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