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szopenhauer · 4 years

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If money was no object, would you change your wardrobe? I would add to my wardrobe more than change

How do you/did you get to school? walk, then by bus

Have you ever been in trouble for something you honestly didn’t do? yep

Is the idea of having a secret admirer creepy or romantic? creepy

What was the last song you sung out loud? https://youtu.be/wycjnCCgUes

Were you excited to learn to drive, or scared? worried that I’ll waste my money

When was the last time you felt incredibly tired? today

In your opinion, who doesn’t deserve to be famous? many people

Was it hard for you to get up this morning? not really

When was the last time you colored with crayons or colored pencils? few months ago

Do you feel comfortable talking about your disorders, if you have them? depends

Where did you go on your last field trip? not sure which was last

Do you think you make a good first impression? no

Do other people’s first impressions stick with you? might

Have you ever had to give up on someone? sure

Would you rather break up with someone, or them break up with you? them break up with me (not my decision) but usually it’s the other way around

Do you think it’s okay to like a cover more than an original? umm...

Are you calm in emergency situations? depends

Who are you most attached to? my dad

What do you depend on other people for? money mostly :(

What goes through your mind when someone breaks up with you? depends

Do you match your shoes with your outfit? sometimes, it’s not that I have enough shoes to do that lol

Do you feel more comfortable with a male or female doctor/nurse? female

What was the last thing you bragged about? not sure what was last

What’s the ugliest thing on your wall? umm...

Who’s your favorite philosopher? Schopenhauer because of all the memes

Do you think Freud was out of his mind? well I prefer Jung

Einstein? he was cool

Who’s your favorite painter/artist? I like many

What day is it? Friday

Are you wearing anything blue? nah

Do you know anyone named Graham? just bread :P

Are you sitting next to anyone? not currently

Do you dislike the last person you Facebook messaged? nope

Who’s the quietest of all your friends? K. always was

Are you home alone right now? If so, where are the people you live with? my mom’s home, my dad is at work

Are you a chocoholic? noooo

Is there a song that reminds you of the person you love/like? Do you listen to that song often? one of them is t.a.t.u. - All the things she said

Do you listen to music while you fill out surveys? sometimes

In the past week, what song have you listened to the most often? not sure

While playing video games, do you prefer being first or second player? second

How many people do you depend on? not many

How many people do you think depend on you? they could live without me

What is the worst color combination? brown and black?

Have you ever injured yourself walking around in the dark? yeah

What’s so scary about clowns, anyway? nothing to me and it’s annoying that they’re part of so many horrors

When was the last time you acted like someone you’re not? sigh...

How many hats do you own/wear? shitload

Do you ever receive comments on your weight? ppl are jealous of my weight so basically my illness :(

Is there anything that you do just to make other people happy? of course

What was the last thing that you wrote down [with a pen/pencil]? not sure what was last

Has anyone told you that you have a nice smile? my gf only

Are you uncomfortable with being photographed? yup

Do you like playing tic-tac-toe? I always win What about hangman? I played it couple of times Are you dangerously in love with someone? woah

Are you cute or sexy? cute Is English your 1st language? it’s not Did you ever perform in front of your entire school? elementary - more than once Did your older sibling ever tell you freaky stories that you believed? one time she told me that school was flooded and there were fish and frogs and then I said that to my mom and she called me a liar and got mad even tho I explained to her it was my sister’s idea :( Are you single and proud? you can be single and proud as well as be happy in a relationship too, I am in one now Are you more happy when you’re with people or alone? 90% of time alone What do you think about guys shaving their legs? that’s their life Do you wear lipstick? nah Name something you lost or gave away that can never be replaced. I don’t wanna talk about it

What music album would be used for a movie about your life? soundtrack to my life would have to be a mix of songs from different bands/vocalists

Who was your first crush and what made them special? she was just adorable with her clumsiness and her perfect body and that face and voice and she was just a pretty cool friend to me and I wanted to take care of her so badly, she was the very first girl I ever had a crush on irl if not in general but she was hetero and she changed a lot (not in a good way in my opinion) Write about your first kiss. Was it everything you wished or hoped it would be? I... I never imagined my first kiss before it happened?...

Write about something you now know that you wish you knew earlier in life. How could this knowledge have helped you? blergh

Name one thing you feel brings out the good in people. there’s no such thing, it’s all about the person If you invented a device that could fix one problem you are facing right now, would you use it? What problem would you like to solve? absolutely, my health issues Name something you found; what was it and where did you find it? I’ve found shitload of stuff but one thing was the most odd and that’s a taxidermy ferret shawl someone left on a bus stop - at first we thought with dad it must be alive but we came closer and realized someone lost their piece of cloth and we took it Describe the longest amount of time you have ever been away from home. almost a month, I was in hospital Name a celebrity or famous person you wish would take you out on a date. - Have you ever seen a ghost? it seems, it was not just white but a little bluish, no legs and weird face - shaped like in a clay, mostly transparent, slightly glowing, it was in open doors of my room, I woke up with a weird feeling that someone’s watching me and I got really scared so I hidden under a blanket and didn’t look there again until morning, I was trying to convince myself it’s just a shirt that was hanged in the hall but mom said there wasn’t anything like that there at night, now I wish I could see that again hoping I would try to do something more brave about it, I kinda worry I was rude towards them whoever it was

*btw my grandma said that after death some chemicals leave the body and fly like a fog through the cemetery if casket and grave aren’t blocking it too much Describe your note-taking style and habits. everywhere and usually not in line, can be even upside down, just random, different size, clue words etc. Do you believe that we are all here for a reason? What might the reason be? suffering to deserve heaven? Have you ever done something just to feel the danger, or to feel alive? I hurt myself today To see if I still feel I focus on the pain The only thing that's real What are all your thoughts on god? overthinking... What did you learn today? for example - that explaining things to people make me realize more than just thinking about something What 5 traits do people first notice when they meet you for the first time? ask them Have you ever carved your name or initials into a tree or stone? poor tree :( In what ways have you traveled? car, bus, train, bike, even a little bit by ship What historical events happened the year you were born? nothing interesting

Do you watch really old tv shows or movies from the 1970’s or earlier? sure

What would you do if you saw a complete stranger dealing drugs in public? nothing If you don’t have to be up by a certain time, do you like to sleep in as late as possible? no longer than 11 am What are you wearing at the moment? Is it for any particular reason? pajama because it’s past midnight and I should be asleep but I have to finally finish this survey then dry my hair and drink some water first Are either one of your parents retired? my mom is and my dad will be soon Do you buy a lot of DVD’s, or do you tend to just watch everything online for free? watch online, I have no money for buying movies that I’ll watch less than 3 times Does everyone in your household own their own computer? nope

Are you a good gift giver? I try my best and been told that I am despite not being rich

Do you know what XOXO stands for? hugs and kisses

What’s the first person who comes to your mind when you hear the word blue? me

Have you seen any of the Harry Potter movies? first ones

Do you like your significate others siblings? I don’t know her brother

Have you ever recieved a singing birthday card? omg I loved those and I wish I got one :(

Do you remember who your kindergarten/pre-school teacher was? I liked her so much I’ve been sending her cards on holidays years after

Were you ever a girl scout or a boy scout? never

Do you own anything made of lace? hmm...

How many people do you share a name with? I don’t know anyone with my name

Imagine your dream home, does it have a fence around it? if it’s not an apartment then of course it does, highest possible and thick as I don’t want to see or be seen by my neighbors

Do you own any yellow shoes? yep

Can you type fast? very

In school were you bullied? I was

Are you sarcastic? yeah

Do you read the newspaper? nah

If you died today where do you think you’d go? hell :(

Have you ever been to therapy? few times, didn’t help

Do you use online dating? did

Did you miss alot of school? I was sick often

What was the last thing you got falsely accused of? not sure what was last

What was the last thing you ordered online? shirt, I’m waiting for the package now

Have you ever been kicked out of a store? no :o

Do you feel like you accomplished anything today? hmm...

What is/was your favorite teen magazine? trzynastka or however this shit was called

Would other people describe you as creative? I guess

What color are your slippers? grey and white

Are you haunted by memories of stupid things you’ve said and done? constantly

Did you like high school or college better? didn’t go to college

Who was your favorite Olsen twin? I didn’t have a favorite

Do you ever listen to Celtic music? used to, with John

Do you know a lot of rich and spoiled and selfish people? had classmates like this and neighbors too

Do you enjoy mornings? rarely, not really

Have you ever feared going to jail or thought about what it would be like? thought

Did you know that the zodiac signs (the regular ones) are Greek? ok

Have you ever learned about Greek mythology in school? didn’t like it

Do you stay up late? as you can see

what do you hear right now? nothing

what is one thing in your life you feel truly guilty for? personal

have you ever been slapped in the face? I’ve been slapped without any reason, I was bullied

how about punched? hit with a ball only and my head was hit with a bottle too once

have you ever come up with a memorable quote yourself? I’ve been quoted

what do you think about masturbation? personal

What color did you first ever dye your hair?: either red or black

What’s the color of the bath towel you use most often?: green

Ever eaten a piece of dog or cat food out of curiosity?: ewww, nooo

Can you name one song by Prince?: Purple rain for example

Would you rather paint or make pottery?: paint

Are you currently taking this survey before or after 9pm?: after, I started over 5 hours ago...

Is the sun shining bright outside right now?: it’s the middle of the night!

Would you rather watch a horror movie or a romantic comedy?: romantic comedy ^^”

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mental-health-advice · 4 years

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Submissions from 🦚🌺

So took me a while to scroll through to my last tagged ask (for some reason searching didn’t work). So much about staying consistent and actually tagging my stuff from now on. Gosh uff. The one where sibling found possible drugs and the one about mom being xenophobic almost causing shut down as in passing out were me too. I usually either tend to forget to tag or I guess am kinda scared since I feel I send in A LOT? I really don’t know. It’s just a lot going on and I feel bad always (1🦚🌺)

I feel bad always throwing all my stuff at my friends. Especially as one friend a few years ago was diagnosed with depression. Idk what her current situation is tho except that she seems to do better. I won’t ask her since I feel weird about that stuff. Plus really unless she wants to tell me it’s none if my business. But yeah that’s that I guess. Now… I’ve been rejected from the art college/highschool unfortunately so that’s out the window. My therapist suggests volunteer year 2🦚🌺

Whivh we have a social and economic one of I think? Idk. I know social won’t work because of my likelyhood of social anxiety which kinda self explanatory I guess. Economic I’m just scared I wont be able to pull the whole tear through, scared to do stuff wrong etc. Hell I spent 2 low sleep nights crying after the rejection and mom forced the answer out of me when I clearly didn’t want to talk about it. Turned into an argument about how I got forced into abitur/regular highschool 3🦚🌺

And OBVIOUSLY she blames dad for it. Which like… great whatever he told her. My point is HE was more supportive in front of ME than she was. She just tore me down 2 years ago. Next week I dont have a therapist appointment since she will be moving. So I’m praying this week will go by smoothly. Well as smooth as it can go with all the arguments around here I guess. I’m still trying to process everything since March 4🦚🌺

1? 2? I’ve lost track of time … weeks ago she and her bf fought very badly and she essentially ran away for an hour, he claimed he is leaving but then stayed. My younger sisters were all crying, my brothers were just not surprised and I had to try call family members (which calling others is a physical challenge for me) trying to find a way to deal with what happened. My therapist knows about this incident. She now also knows moms bf smokes weed but not about what 5🦚🌺

else we found. I’ll see if I can bring it up soonish since it still worries me… my brother also later confirmed again he caught them snorting it so yeah most likely we are right about it being cocaine. I feel uncomfortable looking up the effects of it but my cousin said that could explain a lot of moms behavior. Shes always been this way I think.I right now dont even remember where I was going with this ask chain hhhh frick.I’m loosing track of myself once again please send help 6🦚🌺

(Have to switch to browser because app again refuses to let me send stuff wtf) My mom also is back onto “oh you just have split personality!” … I have informed myself on DID and OSDD, I have symptoms yes. But I doubt it’s that. In fact my therapist even talks about that stuff with me! I have different parts but mom doesn’t know they exist so idk. I tried to literally tell her how DID is made and she didn’t want to listen. She claims she did almost everything right and I’m making up 7🦚🌺

My trauma. So you would think that she would stay away from assuming such a trauma heavy diagnosis. Welp she actually doesn’t know anything about mental health either way and legit took my brother off his adhd meds years ago because “they changed him too much” and then refused to take him to appointments when we noticed signs of tourette in him because she felt like she fucked up as parent?? Wat?? I can’t make sense of this woman anymore tbh 8🦚🌺

Sorry that this is all over the place, it’s 1am for me rn, I cant sleep really, still am trying to process I won’t see my friend who I was looking forward to seeing this year for 2-3 years and who would have been a temporary escape from this hellhole until at least another year or 2 depending on the situation, being in the top 10 corona countries and in fact second most infected state in germany and really just switching between sliding down to a kid and /or almost passing out 9(?)🦚🌺

almost passing out when trauma responses shut me down and I just can not describe my emotions of the past months other than I just want someone to hug me and to feel safe and to feel like this mess at home and the world isn’t happening. My mind is all over the place and I feel like at this point I’m going insane and I’m not making any sense anymore. Again sorry for the probably stupid rant/,vent that probably made no damn sense idek anymore - final🦚🌺

So much about what I sent in yesterday hoping for the best. 3 hours ago I woke up to a message chain about how we (me and my siblings. We are 6 in total) apparently abuse her and use her. And basically just complaining about the tiniest things regarding chores. For example yesterday I completely cleaned the kitchen and she complained because some dishes stood around since people still ate AFTER I did the chores. Like tf. My friends say it seemed like from the screenshots that she is 1🦚🌺

using us as tools? Idek anymore. She also completely ignored me sending her and asking her stuff about the valounteer year last night since the school rejected me and I need that alternative. Apparently a clean flat is more important than my literal future. On the other hand I for once had a normal conversation with my almost 15yo brother (I’m almost 19, however not mentally and also not in the position to move still especially with the virus and all) and it turned out that he shares 2🦚🌺

Moms views on therapy whivh I’ve mentioned in the past aren’t really the best views on it. So yeah that’s just great. He basically just thinks it’s stupid. Either way. Currently my only way of possibly getting away would be a psychiatric /mental hospital stay. THING IS while I’m bety aware it isnt like in the movies I am deadly afraid of the thought. Not having my freedom to come and go when I please, not being able to meet up with friends or something etc. I would not feel safe and 3🦚🌺

it would just expose me to a lot of stress and anxiety which wouldn’t be any better than being yelled at constantly at home and having mom shit talk my friends. Everything is just kinda a mess with her rn and my siblings don’t see it from my perspective. Like YES we mess up and don’t do things right. She has a reason to be mad. But NO she doesn’t have the tight to essentially abuse us and no her behavior isnt parenting this is manipulation. 4🦚🌺

They only see the first half and think she’s in the right… I myself struggle to differentiate right and wrong and am unable to read situations well, which is why it took me 17-18 years and my friends calling it out to realise this is wrong. But I at least listen… they don’t. I sometimes just wish I grew up in a stable functioning family. Or honestly that she never even had me since she was VERY young when she had me so that’s probably why she never learned how to 5(?)🦚🌺

Act properly towards us. As she had me when she was just my age (18) and then the following 8 years had 4 more of my 5 siblings. I feel she never had time to grow up and learn herself especially considering she was abused herself…. final🦚🌺

Hi 🦚🌺,

It's good to hear from you again! There's absolutely nothing wrong with messaging us often, so feel free to tag all of your asks that you send in! I think that will actually make it easier on both of us, as you'll be able to find responses easier and I can look back on your previous asks easier to make sure I'm not missing anything or repeating myself :) Also, the search function on tumblr is quite picky, so unfortunately it can be hard to find posts. I've run into the same issue with locating old asks on the blog as well!

It's understandable that you don't want to bug your friends with your problems, especially if they have some mental health struggles of their own. However, it might help to think of it this way: mental illness is so common that chances are most people you meet will have some sort of struggle with their mental health, which means you wouldn't be able to talk to anyone about your struggles if you don't want to bother someone who struggles with their mental health. That doesn't seem fair to you! While everyone needs to have boundaries, especially to protect their health, I think it's reasonable to share things with your friends when you're struggling. You deserve that support, especially with everything else you have going on in your life!

It must have been devastating to not get into art school and I'm so sorry that happened! It does sound like volunteering could be a potential route for you to go down, even if it's just until you figure out what you want to do in the future. It makes sense that certain volunteer options can be rolled out based on the nature of the work and the things you struggle with. Perhaps there is something you could do from home that wouldn't trigger your anxiety. For instance, I volunteer for a text-based suicide hotline, which I do from home. I'm not saying you have to do something exactly like this, but it might spark an idea that you or your therapist maybe haven't thought of yet. It's just something to think about.

What's going on with the drugs in your house is definitely concerning and I think it would be a good idea to bring that up with your therapist. It's really dangerous to have these kinds of drugs around with younger kids being there. Not only is it possible for kids to accidentally get into it and harm themselves, but it's also dangerous for them to be around adults that are high because of their erratic behaviors. This is why I think it would be wise to talk to your therapist about this to see what input she has.

It's great that your therapist has talked to you about your diagnoses as well as what you don't have that your mom has tried to say you have. I'm sure it's frustrating to have your mom make those accusations, but I think it's good that you at least have your therapist there to reassure you that you don't in fact have those diagnoses.

It's so disappointing that your friend won't be able to visit as you guys had planned because I know you were really looking forward to that! Unfortunately, coronavirus seems to ne ruining plans for most people all over the world. Hopefully you guys will be able to come up with another plan for meeting up, though it likely won't be able to happen until the pandemic is more under control. Still, at least making tentative plans for meeting in the future may give you both something to look forward to once travel is finally safe again.

I'm so sorry that your mom treats you and your siblings this way. It does sound like she may use you guys as tools, as your friends put it. This is sometimes another sign of abuse/neglect, which honestly isn't surprising considering all of your mom's other behaviors.

What you mentioned about getting out of the house makes sense and I agree that an inpatient stay might not be the best way to go about it. Not only will that be more restrictive, as you mentioned, but most hospitals won't allow inpatient stays unless the person is incapable of keeping themselves or others safe while receiving outpatient care (though I obviously don't know whether this is the case for you). I still think it's a good idea to keep thinking about potential ways of getting out of your mom's house once you're ready for that. One option I'm wondering about is a group home (I think these may be called something else in other countries but it's basically a house where several adults with varying physical and/or mental illnesses live together and there are usually various types of staff who also stay there). These can sometimes be a bit restrictive, but much less so than a hospital would be. I believe they typically have a curfew, otherwise you're allowed to leave during the day. Although I'm not sure if this would be a viable option for you (and it probably wouldn't be anyway until after the pandemic is more controlled), it's just something that popped into my head when thinking about other ways of eventually getting you away from your mom's abuse.

What you said about your mom's parenting vs. manipulation is 100% accurate. It's very common for someone who was abused by parents to go on to abuse their own children unless they put in the effort to change, but know that you still don't deserve to be abused and manipulated. It's not your fault that your mom was abused and never unlearned the negative behaviors she saw experienced as a child. You and your siblings all deserve so much better than this!

-Samantha

#abuse #abusive parent #drugs #drug use #family #🦚🌺#advice #advice blog #mental health advice #mhasamantha

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klaroline-fantasies · 5 years

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(Me waves from under the bed)

Don’t throw stones at me!!!

I’m bacckkkkkkkk :D

Ok i’m not exactly back but ya know, I got a foot in the door!

I’m not taking any cover requests, the ones I did have i deleted them, and if whoever sent them still want the cover requests when I reopen my requests you can send them back but I got stuff I’m doing.

I had migrated from tumblr back to IMVU. My name there is Beches and for those of you who know Beches and my catalog (HIIIIIII)

A while ago I decided to read some fanfiction to pass some time and the more I got into it the more I kept reading more and more and then I found some inspiration to write. Now I’m not publishing anything until it’s finished because I still have ideas that I wanna get done too so I’ll be dealing with stuff one at a time. Because I still have my shop on IMVU to take care of as well as my real life and if anyone wants to know feel free to message me (if you even remember me)

I see the Klaroline Awards are still going on so Im glad for that.

I want to confirm some of my fanfiction stuff for you guys to give yall some hope!

SENIOR YEAR- Definitely continuing it. I have alot of chapter layouts that Ive done since Ive been gone so I can’t NOT do it. I already know how it’s going to end and everything so I HAVE to finish that story

REVENGE- Definitely continuing it. I also did chapter layouts and I actually finished the chapter layouts it’s just to write it out in a fanfic format. The reason why I haven’t been working on it is because someone left a review and it had me thinking. They said that basically Caroline is winning too much and Klaus is not only older but much more wiser despite her extra powers and darkness and I agree with this person. So I’ll be LIGHTLY rewriting it, to be a bit more OC in regards to Klaus because Caroline can catch him offguard with her wit and darkness but she can’t be so smart and so better than him all the time, he is of course a thousand years old)

SILENCE BY DARKNESS SEQUEL (Yes I did promise I’d be doing a sequel to this oneshot and I already started on chapter layouts but I decided it would be a short story with long chapters because I want this story to be told. I have a HUGE Fan of the Spartacus Series and no matter what I do I’ll always want to do this fic just because of Spartacus and the inspiration it gave me)

Pride & Prejudice- yall know I’m finishing this. Pride and Prejudice is my FAVORITE movie of ALL TIME and I’m not letting this go. I just have one more chapter to finish out tho.

I also have some upcoming fanfics I put on my fanfiction page and I want to address some of them.

SnowWhite Oneshot- I’ll publish this when I can because I think I finished it, but I’m not all the way sure. But I promised a sequel to it as well. I started chapter layouts for it but I don’t think I’ll be continuing it. But I’ll keep the chapter layouts of it in case I change my mind.

A Vampire Cinderella Story/Maiden- For those who had been reading my stuff since day one you know that my first story EVER was named A Vampire Cinderella Story based loosely on the story of Cinderella. Now it never even made it anywhere close to Cinderella based lol but I’m working on it. I rewrote it heavily. I changed the title to Maiden and for those who had a taste of Maiden before I removed it, SORRY. But I’m working on it! and I want to finish it before publishing. I have a good bit of chapters in but I still wanna wait till its finished.

Always & Forever Sequel- Not doing it. I feel that I best leave that story where it ended. Sorry for making you guys wait tho!

I mentioned a story on my fanfiction page about a story based on an indian serial I’ve watched and while I started it and I will be working on it, it’s not necessarily based on the series, but moreso it’s a story compiled of different ideas from bollywood movies and series into one fanfic. I’ve done like a couple of chapters already but it’ll be one of those short stories with long chapters type of thing but right now I have no inspiration for it and publishing it with no ending and making you guys wait seems cruel so ill keep it till i finish it obviously. It has Klaroline, Kalijah, Kennett, Stebekah, Delena.

I promised a short story/one shot of Caroline being possessed by a greek goddess and I started it and it’s reached like 20,000 words but it’s not finished but I do plan on finishing it. There’s just alot I added in it. Like, if yall know my fanfictions, yall know I like bringing people back from the dead lol.

I planned on doing a short story based on Tyler Perry’s The Have and the HAve Nots but I haven’t started it. Also it��s not really going to be based on that show but more or less it will be drama centric, like the bold and the beautiful and stuff like that. So it might be a one shot, three shot or something.But on a scale of one to a hundred on whether I will be doing it...a solid 50% cause I do wanna do it but TIME

Humanitate Eius Apicem- I will finish it off because I AM doing a sequel and it’s been plotted out majorily so I kinda have to do it cause I can’t plot out that amount of story and NOT doing it. So most likely ill try to end HEA in like two chapters and hopefully do the sequel and because it’s plotted out, hopefully it won’t take long to write because majority of the writing is thinking out the story and plotting it so because ive done that I’m HOPING it would be a breeze to write. so just hope I don’t add any shit and complicate shit lol.

I also have some oneshots that I was working on that I plan on finishing and publishing. Two of them is Kalijah, one is Kalijah based on Being Mary Jane but you know me nothing I say thats based on something is ever really based on something I just took the Being Mary Jane concept and ran with it. I started a time travel piece but ... I don’t think I’ll finish it. I also started a college oneshot and I think ill finish that and I also started a oneshot based on the last season of Charmed where Coup (the cupid who fell for Pheobe) came in and their storyline gave me inspiration and I plan to finish it. I don’t know how it will end but I do plan on finishing it.

Last but certainly not least because this one is the biggie.

An Originals Fanfiction.

Basically It will be my take on what I think the story should have went. I basically did chapter layouts and plotting for a season 1 and a season 2 already. It will be long chaptered but not much chapters, like 10-12 chapters at most. I want it to be mainly about the Originals and them coming together as a family, dealing with family issues that they never got to deal with and family relatives that they never got to deal with.

I won’t be including the family relatives that has been introduced in the Originals series as I have not been watching nor will I ever.

There will be no Hayley baby, however Hayley will be in it. I wanted to write her out of it but maybe I can write her in a way that people might like her, idk.

KLAUS AND ELIJAH WILL MOST DEFINITELY NOTTTT BE KILLING THEMSELVES.

I will not be adding any canonverse stuff from the Originals, well I might but not the strix whatever and those kind of stuff. It will be mainly Originals...featuring Klaroline and other ships.

It would start from Season 5 of TVD and Episode 1 of TO. I’ll keep some stuff canon but after that I’ll go my own way from there.

#klaroline #klaroline fanfiction #klaroline fanfic #kcfantasies

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seungmin-jpeg · 6 years

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Stray Kids on Tumblr // Jeongin

Chan // Woojin // Minho // Changbin // Hyunjin // Jisung // Felix // Seungmin // Jeongin //

To pure for tumblr

To to to pure

Honestly he’d never have a tumblr

Hed be all over instagram tho

But for the sake of this

I'll make it work lol

Has a very cute blog

Lots of puppies

Honestly just a lot of soft baby animals in general

Like little sloths rolling around

Cute foxes jumping around in fields

He’d reblog show recs

For you know

All that free time he has right

I feel like he’d be well aware of the kpop fans on tumblr

So honestly he wasn't that surprised when he started to see stray kids stuff pop up everywhere

But he was surprised to see that he himself was getting lots of attention among fans

Sure he gets lots of attention from his members

But he didnt think he’d get a lot from fans???

Man he was wrong

He’d totally be that blog that reblogs a bunch of fanart

Like all kinds of fanart

All the fanart in the whole fanbase of stray kids

Always includes cute little tags

Gushing over how beautiful the artwork is

Always has to be super careful to not use personal pronouns

Because that would be a disaster

He’s smart enough to know being on social media

Especially tumblr

Was not the smartest idea buttttttt...

Anyways

Has a lot of pastels in his theme

Put a decent amount of effort into his mobile theme

Still has the default desktop theme tho

Is the actual definition of the Soft Tumblr Stan

He reblogged one of your fanarts once

And you were just doing the usual checking of the reblogs to see if anyone tagged anything

Because reading tags on your art is the best thing

And this blog bean-worm had the cutest tags

You were like what kind of url is bean-worm but aye whatever

You ended up checking out more of his blog

And there were cute little baby animals everywhere

And pretty fanart

So you ended up following this bean-worm blog

And just cause you could

And no stranger has ever left such nice tags on any of your pieces

You messaged him

And thanked him for all the nice things he said about your art

And how it made your day

Jeongins all fluttery now

Because first of all this is the first message from someone whos not one of those bots

And the message was so nice his heart might actually melt.

So of course he response

And thus starts the purest of friendships

So pure it’s whiter than the whitest white on earth

Does that make sense what

Anyways

Ngl

It doesn’t take to long for you to realize its jeongin

Jeongin really just threw caution to the wind when he started messaging you

Sure jyp had warned them all about this

And he’d heard about the stories with day6

But yolo am i right

So the two of you talk for a long time

Like a year

Conversation drops every now and then

Naturally cause jeongin is busy

You never really go out of your way to let him know you know its him

But he’s not dumb

So he has a little bit of an idea that you know

So then it becomes an odd “we both know” elephant in the room

But that doesn't effect the friendship

Um so yah time’s past since you first started talking

And stray kids has already announced they’re going on a world tour

You flip shit because already holy cow

But of course you’re like rip wallet im going nothing's holding me back

You were out to get the best ticket

And man did you get a good ticket

Vip boiiiiiii

Youre going to meet stray kids irl

Hi touch, group photo the whole deal

You’re going to meet jeongin

Omg you’re going to met him

At this point it was like meeting a mutual for the first time

So you shakily get on tumblr

Still trying to recover from the fact you lost a few of your lives buying the ticket

And you shoot jeongin a message

Just something like

“I got a vip ticket to see stray kids”

And now jeongin is looking down at his phone in the practice room

Because oh god he’s going to meet you

Should he tell you who he is

I mean you already knew

He knew that

But should he really say it straight out

He ends up replying with a simple “i’ll get to meet you then!”

And just to confirm your ever growing suspicion you mention you never told him which city you’ll be at

And he’s just kinda “oh, ill be at all of them”

And you laugh and say “thought so”

So jeongins identity has been confirmed

Without him risking that much

Because how would someone convince anyone that’s him from those screenshots

Especially with the url bean-worm wow

That would be a stretch

The day of the concert slowly arrives

You watch the videos from other concerts flood your social media

And try your hardest to avoid spoilers

When it gets even closer

You send a picture of the outfit you’ll be wearing to jeongin

So he can spot you easier

Of course you wont need any help finding him

Its all the emotions the day of the concert as you wait in line

Firstly its a freakin stray kids concert

Second you got the best ticket

Third you’re legit going to go through hi touch with all the members holy crap

And fourth you're finally going to be able to meet your lovely friend and mutual jeongin

You had the time of your life during the concert

Had a great spot with a great view

Tons of friendly people around you

Just really having the time of your life

The concert ended and then it was hitouch time

Your heart couldn’t have been any louder as the set up for everything

You hung out with the others fans

Waiting while the boys got themselves together

When they finally came back out

You could tell jeongin was searching for you

Part of you wanted to stand up and make yourself known

The other part of you wanted to hide behind the nearest person and never let him see you

So inteast you just stayed put

Not too noticeable

But not hidden

Nothing

And no one

Can escape jeongin’s hawk eyes

He found you real quick

And couldn’t help but smile a tiny bit when he saw you

He’d finally found you

And damn you looked just as perfect as he had imagined you to be

Actually you looked even better

All he knew was that it was going to take a miracle for him to keep himself together when you finally got closer

His first hitouch had been super nerveraking

But this wasn’t his first hitouch

No he had done so many at this point

But it was like three times the nervousness he had felt during his first hitouch

He didnt know what to do with himself

The line started to move forward

And you fell in place somewhere near the back

Too nervous to really try and get up in front

But also wanting to hold out the moment just a little longer

Slowly you got closer and closer

And of course jeongin was at the very end of the line

At this point youre just like

God please dont let my hand get all sweaty

Youre like seconds away from blacking out because so many emotions at once

Finally its ur turn

And your panicking

Because simply meeting skz is enough to shut all your organs down

Ur gushing from witnessing chan and his curly hair in person

And talk about real luck getting to see minho in pastel pink hair

And then at the very end

You see jeongins bright smile

Now braces free

All your nervousness melts away when you see him

And its all replaced with pure joy

Youre not really sure what to say

So you just say “good job”

And stare really intensely into his eyes

Because yes

And he kinda gives your hand a little squeeze as you pass by

And your heart just flips

Like damn boys about to kill you

By the time you finally got back from the venue and settled down in bed

You look down at your phone and see a message from him

And ur like wtf rest my dude you just did a whole concert

But when you open the message you just

Uwu

Because it read “you’re even pretty then i had imagined”

Now youre dead

And you send back a cheeky response to jeongin which means hes on uwu overload too

And its a good night all around

And you can tell its only going to get better

56 notes · View notes

chimchimchoo · 6 years

Text

Fly Me to the Moon :: Ch 1

Genre: Pure fluff crack

Word Count: 2,510

Pair: Yoongi x Jimin

Collaborated with @tayvengeance

Chapter: 1

"CHEER UP THIS SAD, EMO BOY!"

02-222-3333

Jimin stared at the note on the bathroom wall for a solid 5 minutes before he pulled out his phone and typed in the number.

authors note: we do not own any of the pictures, for better formatting so it’s more comfortable to read, check it out on AO3! AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14944508/chapters/34626863 Twitters: Tae’s Sujin’s <3 - Tae & sujin

Chat with Mochi_Moves

2015.11.15

14:00

Mochi_Moves:

Will this make you feel happier?

SUGA:

What the fuck

Who is this?

Mochi_Moves:

That doesn’t matter. Did the picture make you laugh? c:

SUGA:

No what the fuck

I think you have the wrong #

Mochi_Moves:

Aw :c

No, I just found this number and wanted to make you a happy emo boy!

SUGA:

Wait, who are you

How do you know I’m emo

Also it’s not emo

It’s grunge

Fuck you

Mochi_Moves:

But..I’m not supposed to tell strangers my name :c

Just call me Mochi

I’ll be your anonymous friend c:

Why are you a sad grunge boy?

SUGA:

Life is a bitch

That’s why.

Mochi_Moves:

Ohmygod, this poor soul

Who hurt you??????

SUGA:

Like i’m gonna tell a stranger my life story

Mochi_Moves:

But didn’t you know?

It’s easier to tell strangers

Come on c: c: c:

SUGA:

Add another smile to that and I just might strangle you

I’m kidding

But not really

Mochi_Moves:

SUGA:

Now that’s a relatable emotion

Mochi_Moves:

Okay alright

I won’t pressure you

You can tell me tomorrow c:

Instead tell me something happy about yourself!

SUGA:

I have mint hair.

I guess that’s happy?

Idk

Coloured hair makes me happier

Mochi_Moves:

Mint???? Wow!

I’ve never seen anyone with mint hair

That must look so cool *.*

SEND ME A PICTURE

SUGA:

No, what if you’re a predator

I’ve watched Catfish

I know how this shit goes

Mochi_Moves:

But I’m not! Just the hair

Pleeeaaassseee?

SUGA:

Only if you tell me who you are

Mochi_Moves:

How do I know you’re not a predator either?

Maybe you’re the bathroom janitor for all I know

SUGA:

YOU’RE THE ONE WHO KNEW I WAS AN

EMO BOY

YOU MESSAGED ME FIRST

Mochi_Moves:

I just found it in the bathroom and wanted to

cheer up a sad grunge emo boy

SUGA:

Goddammit Hoseok.

He fucking put my number on the

stall wall again, didn’t he

I’m gonna fight him

Last time he did this, I got calls

nonstop

Mochi_Moves:

Hoseok?

JUNG HOSEOK??????

SUGA:

for a week.

Holy shit.

You know my arch nemesis?

Mochi_Moves:

Yeah! I dance with him!

He’s a great friend

Annoying sometimes…

BUt wonderful c:

SUGA:

Holy shit

You’re that Jimin kid he always

talks about

The revered dancer

“God, Yoongi you should see him. The way he moves his body is

the closest humans will get to magic.”

Mochi_Moves:

He really said something like that?? Wow, he’s really pushing it

Hah..

But you exposed yourself,

Nice to meet you Min Yoongi c:

SUGA:

That’s Yoongi HYUNG to you

Well, since I know you’re not going to prey on my gay ass

Mochi_Moves:

Ah, well

Two gay boys can be friends

So don’t worry

I won’t be a gay predator

SUGA:

Fellas,

Is it gay to have gay friends

Mochi_Moves:

Let’s try it and see if it’ll answer your question!

SUGA:

Well, I showed my face.

Your turn, punk.

Mochi_Moves:

I’m not a punk :c

According to Hoseok

I’m a soft mochi

SUGA:

Is that that Taehyung kid

He’s in my art class

I swear to GOD

Loudass motherfucker

But I guess he makes me laugh

Mochi_Moves:

BITCHDV

WATCH WOT U SAY BOU

M E

I KNOW WHE REY

YOU SIT

SUGA:

Holy shit he’s been reading over

your shoulder?

Hey kid, you’re wild. I admire it.

Especially when you got the fire alarm to go off

in the middle of free painting the other day.

Idk how you did it. You didn’t even leave your

seat.

Mochi_Moves:

I hav my ways ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Next time i jasdskjf

Sdfgk

Sorry! Taehyung took my phone

When I left the room

But yes it’s the one and only

We’re roommates

SUGA:

I see. So no hanging at your place.

Haha

I’m just kidding

Not really

But yeah

Mochi_Moves:

Oh, so you do want to

come over sometime then?

Is that what you’re saying?

c: c: c:

SUGA:

I thought we had bonded over being

Hobi’s friend

I thought WE were gay pals

Without it being gay

Mochi_Moves:

Ah, you’re right!

I thought maybe

You already went onto the next base

Im so glad it didn’t turn out like that

My best gay pal c:

Second to Taehyung of course

SUGA:

I mean, you are a handsome fella

But

I don’t uh, date, really.

Mochi_Moves:

Ahhhh, does your love life

have to do with you being a sad emo grunge boy?

A tragic backstory?

SUGA:

A tale for another time.

(like far beyond this time)

Hahaha

Mochi_Moves:

So like

tomorrow?

SUGA:

Someone’s persistent

Why do you wanna know so bad?

Gonna try to fix the depressed grunge boy?

Mochi_Moves:

You’re just an interesting person

Min yoongi

I’ll figure you out c:

SUGA:

That’s hyung to you, brat.

Chat with Mochi_Moves

2015.11.16

02:30

Mochi_Moves:

Did this cheer you up?

He had too much soju last night

SUGA:

You all drank without me

What the fuck

Mochi_Moves:

I’m sorry :c

I’ll invite you next time!

It was a night out for the dance team

But it can just be us the next time

And I’ll bring taehyung

And hoseok

You don’t want to be around the dance team

When they’re drunk

Trust me

SUGA:

I’ll take your word for it.

Mochi_Moves:

But did it cheer you up????

SUGA:

How can I not laugh at his dumb face

Mochi_Moves:

Just don’t tell him

He’ll make me do push ups for days

if he finds out I have this

considering he blacked out

and doesn't remember a thing

heh

SUGA:

I told him you found my number yesterday

He screamed

Then he sent me this:

And asked how gay I was for you

Mochi_Moves:

DELETE THIS NOW

!!!!

SUGA:

No. it brings me joy.

Mochi_Moves:

Yoongi

Whyy

SUGA:

Hey, haven’t you been trying to make me

happy?

It worked.

Mochi_Moves:

That’s true..

My pain is your happiness

c’:

SUGA:

But I told him I wasn’t gay for you

AND THEN

He sent me this:

And said “how about now?”

I just need to know, what was the

occasion?

Mochi_Moves:

Why does hyung still have this

I swear

I’m going to go talk to this..

Brb

He’s in the other room

SUGA:

Tell him I said thank you for our new

Kakao chat background pic

Mochi_Moves:

YOU DIDNT

MIN YOONGI

TELL ME YOU

DIDNT

SUGA:

Mochi_Moves:

That’s..heh

I don’t know what to say to that

Asdfhjkl

That was a performance I did a few years back

For a dance competition

Hoseok hyung begged

I didn’t want to

But i did anyway, it’s hyung

I can’t say no to him

I retired the exposed chest look

So don’t expect another one

Ever

SUGA:

Not to sound gay or anything

But

You have a nice body.

Good job.

Mochi_Moves:

What about you Mint Yoongi?

What do you do?

SUGA:

Write/compose/play music

A lil art here n there

I’m skilled on the piano.

And I have some beats on soundcloud

Mochi_Moves:

Wow! I love a good artist c:

Have you released anything to music companies??

SUGA:

Uh...

Kinda?

Mochi_Moves:

You must be famous! Can I hear some of your work??

SUGA:

I’m about as famous as you.

https://soundcloud.com/bangtan/agustd103

There you go, I guess.

Mochi_Moves:

It sounds amazing!

You’re so talented

One day you could compose a song

For one of my shows???

How cool would that be?!

SUGA:

Woah, take me to dinner first

Mochi_Moves:

So are you asking for a date??

Mint Yoongi

We haven’t even met formally yet…

So fast..

SUGA:

You were the one talking about intimacies

Composing a song for someone is as

intimate as fucking them.

Mochi_Moves:

Alright alright

Just gay best pals

Who’ve never met

SUGA:

Well are you insinuating that we should get up

get out and go meet somewhere?

Mochi_Moves:

That would be a good start

Besides

Hoseoks been wanting me to meet you for forever now

I just never had the time

Let’s do it for the sake of this poor hyung

SUGA:

It’s a monday morning.

I don’t have class.

We’re getting coffee.

Also

Why is Hobi hyung but you REFUSE TO

CALL ME HYUNG

Mochi_Moves:

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Meet me at the campus cafe at 10?

SUGA:

Yeah. Sounds good.

Chat With Mochi_Moves

2015.11.25

13:00

SUGA:

Hey

Heyyy

Heyyyyyyy

Jimin

Min

Mochi_Moves:

Mint Yoongi?

Hi!

What

What is it?

SUGA:

Did I leave my composition notebook

at your place? I can’t find it

And I’m honestly freaking out

I’m gonna have a panic attack

All my songs are in there

And some stuff I don’t want people

poking around in

Mochi_Moves:

Give me just a second, I’m walking back to my room

I’m almost there

SUGA:

Fuckkkkk

Okay

It’s okay

Mochi_Moves:

Oh goodness

I found it!

I caught Taehyung holding it, but I don’t think he read anything

I’ve never lurched at him so quickly

Do you want me to drop it off?

SUGA:

Yes <3

That heart was so entirely

A you thing

Mochi_Moves:

Aw c:

You’re sending hearts now

SUGA:

Did it make yours go bangya bangya

Mochi_Moves:

Just a little

SUGA:

That’s fucking gay wow

Mochi_Moves:

I’ll safely return your notebook now!

I’ll guard it with my life

And I won’t read anything

I promise

SUGA:

Jimin

You’re a true hero

I might end up composing that song for

you if you don’t watch out.

Mochi_Moves:

You want to go to the next base already?

wow

I’m impressed

SUGA:

Don’t get your hopes up, sweetie

My emotional capacity is that of a

teaspoon.

Mochi_Moves:

If you triple the recipe, you’ll get a tablespoon

I just gotta triple my love

And your emotional capacity will go up

SUGA:

Which girl group sang that

Bc that’s what you sound like

It’s pretty gay.

Mochi_Moves:

I live with a gay roommate,

I learn a lot of gay things from him

Now open up Mint Yoongi

I’m outside

SUGA:

I would yell @ you for not calling me hyung

But i want my damn notebook.

I’m coming.

Chat With Mochi_Moves

2015.11.27

02:50

Mochi_Moves:

Mint Yoondi

Min

Yonff

Ccd:

SUGA:

Wha

Are you drunk?

Mochi_Moves:

Yeff

Yessd

So muffh soju

Whaff aru yo u ding

SUGA:

Where are you?

Are you safe?

Mochi_Moves:

I jusf go t home

Tae t ae passef out

I wasa bored

And mussed u

SUGA:

You saw me like 7 hours ago

Mochi_Moves:

Oghmygo

Ohmydo

That wascd so lo ng ago

::(

SUGA:

Jimin

You should drink water and go to sleep

Please

For your health

Mochi_Moves:

Im nof tierd

Ill dinrk wahter though

Aru you still u p wrintinh musi

???/

SUGA:

As usual.

Mochi_Moves:

WHAt isi it about this tim e/?

SUGA:

My first love.

Mochi_Moves:

Fird love?

I neve r heARd anything abo ut your love life

Didi somethin rly happen to make u

An emo grunge bo y?

Can you ttell me about it??

SUGA:

Not when you’re drunk.

Ask me when you’re sober.

Mochi_Moves:

Ehehhehfdhe

You sitll won t share about yourself :c

I thoght we were best gay pals

I thoufht we got close enough to talk abuot these kind

Of things

SUGA:

Your hangover is gonna be nasty.

How about

I come over in the morning, bring some fire ramen

And tell you about me.

I just don’t want you to forget the conversation.

Mochi_Moves:

Wooooooooooow

minT yoon gi

The sweetest man

Fire ranen sounds

fantatiiiiiiifc

SUGA:

You bet your ass I’m the sweetest man

I’ll fuck up anyone who says otherwise.

Mochi_Moves:

Sweet as suga r

SUGA:

Damn right i am

Mochi_Moves:

<3/

Chat With The.V.Zone

2015.11.29

15:00

The.V.Zone:

Lstn Yoongz

I saw your notebook

SUGA:

I figured you weren’t above snooping in my shit

Trying to figure me out

Or whatever.

The.V.Zone:

I was nvr a fan of you in the first place

Ill b honest

SUGA:

Understandable.

I used to find you unbearably obnoxious

The.V.Zone

I don’’t kno what my Chim has goin on in his head

But he’s all ovr u these days

And im gttn weird vibes

I dnt feel comfortable with this situation

Bck off a little

Chim is a sensitive soul

I don’t want any1 hurting him

SUGA:

Just curious, but what did you read

The.V.Zone

Smthn abt ur first love

SUGA:

Ah.

That’s uh,

I wrote that about my piano

The.V.Zone

Wut.

SUGA:

Look, my family situation was kinda

It wasn’t great

So I played piano and wrote music

And well

I fell in love with it.

I think it’s the only thing I’ve ever loved.

The.V.Zone:

…

weLL WHY DIDNT U JUST SAY SO

LOOK @ U

A SOFT EMO BOY FALLIN IN LUV

WITH A

PIANo

Wow u r so gay

SUGA:

My name is literally sugar, why are you all

so surprised to find out i’m nice?

The.V.Zone:

U always look rly grumpy

Like ur ready 2 kill someone

I dnt want my Chim around a murderer

SUGA:

It’s call resting bitch face and I’m sorry it

bothers you.

Jimin is a dear friend to me. I would never

do anything to hurt him.

The.V.Zone:

Well

If u say so

THEN BY ALL MEANS FEEL FREE 2 CUM OVR ANYTIME

But im not kiddin bout backing off

Chims mine

Furever

SUGA:

Wait, are you harbouring romantic

feelings for Jimin?

The.V.Zone:

Am i

Am i harborinfdsf

LMMAAAAAAAAOO

Ohmyg o d

Hyung

Ur so funny

Im crying

Oh dear god no

Im happily taken

But ty for ur concern

SUGA:

See, we don’t talk so I don’t know these

things about you.

Don’t worry

You still and will forever remain Jimin’s #1

The.V.Zone:

Good

But wait

What abt u

R u harboring feelings for my Chim??

SUGA:

…

I liked it better when we weren’t talking

The.V.Zone

O h

I liked it better when we weren’t talking too.

BUT 2 LATE 4 THAT

SPILL THE JUICES

I WONT TELL I PROMISE

SUGA:

Every single fiber of my being tells me that

that is a lie

The.V.Zone:

U dont kno me

SUGA:

Yeah that’s the problem

The.V.Zone:

Okay

Rmbr Jimin’s recent performance?

U 2 sick with the flu

And cldnt go

SUGA:

:/ I still feel bad about that.

He was so excited for me to watch.

The.V.Zone

Well

I hve pics

V good pics

If u tell me ill send them 2 u

U wont regret

:) :)

SUGA:

You know, I might have misjudged you, Kim Taehyung.

I apologize for that.

The.V.Zone:

U r forgiven

SUGA:

Well. I haven’t told anyone this

but

I have

emotions

regarding a certain person

named

Park Jimin.

The.V.Zone:

*sigh*

Some1 in luv

With my Chim

SUGA:

You throw the word “love” out so easily

I’ve only known him personally for like 2 weeks

The.V.Zone:

Gr8 point

Thats why ur perfct 4 him

An intellectual

I’ll deliver what i promised

Cherish these with ur lyfe

Regrettin that flu yet?

SUGA:

Holy shit

I’m gay

#fly me to the moon #collab #fic #au #yoonmin #fluff #fluffy crack #jimin #yoongi #bts #bts imagine #bts scenarios #bts fanfic #bangtan boys #bangtan fanfic #bangtan sonyeondan #bts au #yoonmin au #personal

75 notes · View notes

aharris00britney · 6 years

Photo

ASKS 06

Ummmm stuff I’ve ignored and let build up ;-; MM hairlines, a pic of me, default replacement hairs, donation stuff, using my hair conversion meshes, a male hair wip, recolor requests, and other stuff UwU

Anonymous said: face reveal?

lmao this is from October but I never take pics of myself besides snapchat so UwU

@wildfire607 said: I love your content for the game! I have my notifications on for you. Much love from Texas. ♥️

omggg thank you!!!! literally I don’t feel like people would have notifications on for me ;n; again, thank you so much <3

@standardheld said: Hey there! I know you don’t take requests so take it as an idea. Maybe you’ll like it. Otherwise, please don’t feel forced to do anything! So here’s the idea: I haven’t fount an adult’s version of you YeoJin hairs with big pigtails. Remember Cassandra Goth from The Sims 2? It think it would look beautiful and I know you’ve got the necessary talent. If you like the idea, please let me know :)

Hello!!! Lmao I am kinda swamped rn to start ‘new’ things BUTBUTBUT I don’t mind if somebody uses my conversion meshes like YeoJin Hair since all it is is a conversion. So if u wanna do it or wanna ask some other people, feel free!! <3

@pxelsquid said: The WIP hair in your play list post is so beautiful! I can’t wait for it!

Thanks! Planning to get it out in the next week or so

Anonymous said: What do you use donations for?

(answer in bold) lmao I actually don’t get many, at least not enough for them to go towards anything. But I do get a few dollars every couple of months (and that still makes me super happy to see ty to anyone who has donated ever UwU) lmao so I don’t really know what the donations go towards though I guess packs?? which rn I prob wouldn’t buy a pack w/donation money bc irl stufffff but I would think donations on a sims account should go to more sims stuff if you don’t need to money for personal life situations :)

Anonymous said: Hello! Would you ever consider some of your hairs for male sims?

You should be able to disable to masculine filter and see them?? If not go in S4S and edit the tags to let it be seen

Anonymous said: about your last hair: NOPE.

all night all night all niiiiiiiight ✨

Anonymous said: I’m so happy you made the Jennie Hair without headband! I really like it so far. Good job!

Yay!! I’m glad you like it. Thank you so much <3

Anonymous said: When will you be releasing the braids on your post /post/168877609911/ ?

Yeah!! They’ve been done a while, hopefully they should get posted soon. Here is a link if u want early accessssssssssssss UwU

Anonymous said: why did u and yoshi break up?

Richard ( @cas-fulleditmode ) shares the same fetish as me (M*** P**f) lmao im kiddingggggg UwU me and @ayoshi are married in Korea still

Anonymous said: BOOOOOI! HAVE YOU HEARD “BLACK DRESS” BY CLC? IT. IS. LIT

i dont think u get…. my k-pop obsession ;-; lmao I literally keep up with like every girl group and watch the album teasers/everything UwU I still prefer Where Are You? to Black Dress though.

Anonymous said: Are you friends with grimcookies?

to an extend I think so, yes. We have only messaged a few times in the past week or so bc of memessssss

Anonymous said: Can you please post some eyes or tell me where I can download cc eyes? I hate the eyelashes that sims has.

My resource page has the eyes I use and the no EA eyelashes mod link :)

@saurussims said: Pass the happy! 💛 When you get this, reply with 5 things that make you happy and send this to the last 10 people in your notifications!

My birthday is this month so I’m happy about that lmao

Loona

my pug UwU

my friendssss

getting new clothing

Anonymous said: aghhhh your sim style is so nice! Have a nice day!

Thank you so much!!

Anonymous said: Hello! ^_^ I just dropped by to tell you how much I appreciate your hard work in making hairs. I don’t know how much time it takes you to make such wonderful creations, but they definitely made my sims better-looking for your CCs are amazing and they are of matching lengths and styles that really made planning my sims’ hairstyles easier <3 Sorry I’m too broke to donate, and all I can do is THANK YOU :( But please know that you deserve all the praises you get. More power to you and your blog! <3

omggg this is so sweet ;-; thank you!!! I really really really appreciate stuff like this. <3

Anonymous said: Would you consider making more hairs (preferably a long, casual style and maybe a ponytail?) with the Candie/Maja bangs? They’re soooo cute!

I have made another hair with those bangs. Hopefully it gets posted soon :)

Anonymous said: Can you please make the laundry day hairstyles base game compatible?

I actually didn’t buy laundry stuff lmao college/senior payments are taking all my money rn so I prob won’t get any packs anytime soon :P

Anonymous said: all i want in life is curly maxis match boy hairs ahhh :((((((((

aweeee I am really bad at male hairs or I would try :( this is a male hair I did the other day and it is super super basic but like I’m surprised it wasn’t super fucked up ;-;

@jacazul said: ✨💛 This is the Amazing Person Award! Once you are given this award you are supposed to paste it in the ask of eight different people, who, in your opinion, deserve it. If you break the chain nothing will happen, but it is sweet to know someone thinks you’re amazing inside and out 💛✨ <3333

Thank you!!! <3

Anonymous said: how do you get all your sims to look so cute??? every time i think i’ve made a super cute sim i see one of your sims on my dash and i’m like WHOA NEVERMIND THEN. seriously tho what are your secrets

ummmm I use all my sims and then just do ‘make twin/sibling’ and then I get a clone to mold like clay wedgfhv

Anonymous said: which recolor palettes do you recommend for hairs? I like the EA colors but I would like to try some others.. especially after seeing the hair color you put on your sim with the jennie hair in your latest post

Obvi I like the anathema palette bc I put my hairs in that, but the saccharine (?) is really really good and there are tons of hairs in that. and the WMS palette is so so so good there are just too many swatches for me to do that palette tbh

Anonymous said: Are you going to make more hairs that are ombre accessory compatible?

Maybe! I am not sure tbh, it depends on the mesh I use and abunch of other factors :)

Anonymous said: Question, I love your Jisoo hair, it’s well done, but the ombre part, what’s the file name and how do you download it? I’m a noob when it comes to this. Sorry to bother you.

file name -> JisooHairOmbreNaturals[AH00B].package

just put it in your mods folder like you would normal CC. It is in accessories :)

Anonymous said: I’m legit falling in love with you and all these cc’s ❤❤❤

<3333 Thanksssssss UwU

Anonymous said: not to rush you but are any male sims coming out soon :0

My male sim has been in my drafts with all the CC links and everything the past MONTH but I haven’t had the motivation to export his download file omggg. He is on my gallery @ spotharris if u really really want him right now

@bob10112006

said:

I love you and thank you for your cc and can you make not so berry cc?thanks!

People have made recolors of my cc in not so berry colors :) check my sideblog @aharris00britneyrecolors

Anonymous said: Hi! Are you planning to make the Go Won hairs into a bob? the same hair and all but shorter. I just think it will look really nice as a bob.

Maybe?? no plans as of right now though

Anonymous said: please upload your red-ish haired sim! :) x

Already did, check my sim download page

Anonymous said: damn, those new hair really sucks. sorry… but. yeah.

well maybe if you stanned LOONA then you would like them UwU

Anonymous said: I checked out your sim page, they’re so gorgeous! I remember at some point last year you mentioned maybe sharing Briella after you stopped using her, and I haven’t seen her in a while in your posts. Have you considered sharing her or is she just officially retired? She was a very cute sim and is iconic!

Briella wasn’t actually my sim! Her original download post is here

@ayoshi said: Are you gonna tell your followers why you didn’t give me a valentine gift or…???

Me and @cas-fulleditmode were too busy to take a stop in korea sorry UwU

Anonymous said: heey :) could you maybe put the hairlines your were talking about in the latest post for download? i use hairlines myself and i really like your hairs in tge palette you are using and i can’t find any hairlines in it soo? could you do that? :)

the hairlines I made are actually in the saccharine palette bc so many clayified hairs come in that palette lmao. They are kinda messy rn but if I eve use them on a sim download ill link them there :)

Anonymous said: Could you please recolour some of wild-pixel’s hairs in the palette?

Anonymous said: can we give you recolor requests?

Idk if I will do recolors that often but when I do I kinda just do what hairs I find myself using at that time :P

Anonymous said: Will u ever upload girl from “tell me why, why i’m so lonely” post?? Please consider it, she is soooo cute 😍😍😍

I didnt save her :(

@investedwheat40 said: Would you ever consider uploading your joy hair as a default replacement for that one hair Zoe Patel wears?

Prob not since it uses different textures/shadows and stuff, it would be the same size and stuff as the normal Joy hair

Anonymous said: Is there any way to download you models? Because I live how they looks and really want to use them.

I got this before I made my sim download page, but lmao here is a link to my sim download page :P

#asks

162 notes · View notes

legobatjoker · 2 years

Note

eaa ok it is nearlyy on am nd idk when i need 2 b up 4 wales tmrw but reagrdless i shld def sleep GFHDGFHG j as a reminder b4 i do tho that i love you so so very much my dearest so so much :'] like iv said often im mostly v much not looking forward 2 the wales trip esp since i wont b able 2 talk 2 u as much (esp w ur school i think we might not b able 2 talk directly at all which is extra shitty -___-) but il try 2 send u asks nd messages whenevver i have reception nd even if we cant talk much when im there i know ur still here 4 me whenever we can nd however u can nd ull b there 4 me when i get back nd tht means just means so so much 4 me my dearest so i rly wanna that u sm 4 j being so supportive nd caring 2 me like. even when i cant talk 2 u if im upset or stressed i can j listen 2 mine nd itll make me think of u nd help me feel so so much better nd happier my dearest :'] j like u always do 4 me j bc ur such an amazing sweet thoughful friend nd j such a wonderful lovely loveable person who j make my life sm better nd happier nd warmer nd makes me feel so so loved !!! :'] i lvoe you soso much mx i hope ur days been ok nd tht u sleep well my dearest, i love you so so much !! :'> 🐈🍰💖🦋🐞💕🌸❤💞💞💖💕✨✨🌟 /p

!!!! i hope there r some good highlights to the trip but yuh ill miss u !! and ill message u and stuff so hopefulyy u can read it when u have reception and stuff!! and if were ever online at the same time pls feel free to vent or stuff if u need it and j know regardless that im here for you always and care for u sm !’ i loved vcing today sm and i just love u voice and you and stuff… im so glad i can b a good friend to you bcuz u are such such an amazing friend to me !!!!! i love you soo muchhhh have a good night and sleep anddreams tn!!! 💕💕💕💕

#mewtuals #castle.answers

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johobi · 7 years

Text

When You Least Expect It | 04

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader x Taehyung

Word count: 8.6k

Warnings: masturbation mention, angst

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16732419/navigate

A/N: This ended up being a 15k chapter but I wanted to keep the chapter sizes under or around 10k if possible, so here is the first part. The second part will be coming forthwith!

Next: 05 || WYLEI Masterlist

You’re in love with your childhood friend, Taehyung. The problem is, you treasure your friendship with him far too much to ever risk losing it. Oh, and he’s quite the Casanova. At your wits’ end with feelings you can no longer hide as diligently as you once did, you ask him to set you up with someone, anyone, in a last-ditch attempt to avoid a heartbreaking conversation.

Your hand twitched in your lap under the strain of suppressing a facepalm. “Aren’t we a little old to be playing this game?”

Hoseok scampered over, crouched low, perilously clutching a bottle of vodka and several shot glasses to his chest. Luckily, he managed to reach your group before the evening was ruined by the shattering of glass. “When can you ever be too old to hear your friends’ dirty secrets?” he posed, and you no longer had the power to withhold the inevitability of your hand meeting your face.

“I thought for sure that we already knew each other a little too intimately,” you peeked through your fingers at Yoongi, who, for some reason, was toting one of those expensive-looking crystal decanters and tipping it in your direction with a deliberate wink.

Hoseok followed your gaze to the subject of your shame. “Hey, I told you not to touch that stuff! It’s for special occasions.”

Drunker than he usually allowed himself to get, Yoongi waved the container in front of him as Hoseok advanced on him, withdrawing it cruelly out of reach whenever he stretched for it. “This is a special occasion,” he asserted. “I’m here.”

“Dude, I don’t care how good a friend you are, that stuff costs a bomb and you’re not having any now,” the taller of your two friends put the other in his place. It was always a little jarring when Hobi got serious. Like the sun setting and ushering in a darker unknown, seeing the light disappear from his face would have you scurrying for safety. If Hoseok was angry, upset or disappointed, you sure as hell better hope it wasn’t directed at you. In this case, however, he was more bemused with Yoongi’s defiance than anything. “I’ll bring a little for your party.”

Yoongi forced out his bottom lip into an uncharacteristic pout. Bewilderingly, the expression suited his small, round face a little too well. Dare you say, it was even becoming of him? “Fine.”

Somehow, initially lured by the promise of drinks and a sorely needed group catch-up, you’d been dragged into an ill-advised game of Never Have I Ever. When all of you gathered – even in your rather subdued late-20s – you could expect something memorable to go down. And, cocooned within a tentative tranquillity that you had weaved over the past few days, you didn’t want that endangered. You weren’t here for drama.

You’d been far more restrained with your alcohol consumption than the others so far, though, and you realised how much you’d probably missed during your past episodes of inebriation. Your wasted personality was definitely just an exaggeration of your sober one; not a Jekyll and Hyde type some of your more unassuming friends had mortified you by showcasing.

Guilty of being a flirt even when there was nothing negatively influencing your better judgement, alcohol only amplified that trait to the extent that you basically became a sexual deviant. Not a stranger to dancing on tables and giving whoever was unlucky enough to be sitting there a show of your amateur lap-dancing skills – usually goaded on by the cheers of your shit-faced peers – your inability to limit yourself had gotten you into some rather tricky and, on occasion, shameful situations. It had been a long time since you’d really let yourself go, though, and tonight would be no different. Watching the quirks of your friends’ personalities manifest in ways you’d previously been too impaired to see awarded you joy enough.

Other than the three of you, Taehyung had tagged along too, and in tow, a couple of his own friends. You were surprised he hadn’t brought Tara, but you knew their budding relationship was a big thing for him and that he was probably planning on officially unveiling her at Yoongi’s party. For the sake of safeguarding that precious, fragile stability you had pieced together for yourself, you tried not to dwell on it for long. But you knew that the only reason you weren’t being taunted constantly by visions of Taehyung walking some faceless woman down the aisle was because she was just that; an unknown, intangible. She was still just a concept in your mind, and you were afraid of what the reality would do to you when you were finally forced to confront it next Saturday.

One thing was helping, though. Immensely.

Jungkook.

You still couldn’t believe it, really.

While waiting for Hoseok to set up and for Taehyung to get back from the bathroom, you retrieved your phone from your pocket. You had no new messages, of course – basically everyone who gave you the time of day was in this room with you. But you thumbed affectionately over the last few messages he had sent you, the same quiet smile that lifted your lips settling itself there once more as you read them. Since that sequentially harrowing and then uplifting day at the school, you’d been texting each other on the regular.

[15:34] Jungkook how about this?

[15:34] Jungkook sent an image.

You spent time examining the selfie he’d sent you. Posing in front of a poster for what was obviously a horror film – some slasher, you guessed, from the silent scream emanating from the lead actress’s gaping mouth – Jungkook mimicked her expression, his free hand flat against his cheek in some wide-eyed Edvard Munch tribute. On your first look, you had merely been amused at the lengths he would go to to extract a smile from you, but then it had bloomed into an affected warmth. Everything he said and did was in an attempt to lighten the load of your burdens a little, and it touched you a tad too deep. You didn’t want him to become your pack-horse; you wanted him to enjoy his time with you, too. And, somehow, he was making it easier for you to become a person that was enjoyable to be around. In minute, hesitant steps, but still. Your second date was the day after tomorrow, and averse to the run-up to your first one, you simmered with excitement when you thought about it.

No, the pain hadn’t gotten any easier, but rather than picking at the wound and preventing it from healing, you allowed Jungkook to be the bandage that cushioned against such harm. And, because you couldn’t let yourself live, not even for one second, you felt guilty about that.

He was just a distraction.

As much as you wanted him to become everything to you that Taehyung was, he was just a temporary salve that washed away when you were dragged downstream by the current.

Taehyung always pulled you under.

[15:36] Lmfao, you’re adorable

[15:37] Jungkook i’m not adorable, damnit!! i’m a testosterone-fuelled, hot-blooded man!

You swallowed a snicker. You had a feeling that your age gap made him a little insecure, so you tried to tease him as little as possible. Tried. It was his fault for being cute as fuck.

[15:38] Somehow, you’re both. Good job!

And then he’d sent you something that stirred a feeling in you that had become all-too familiar when attached to Taehyung, but not any other man.

[15:39] Jungkook let me prove it to you someday

Yes, your venture was cautious and new, but you had set the bar with your previous flirting. This had encouraged him into being a little bolder with you. Nothing obscene, nothing even all that overt. But occasionally he sent you messages that hinted at something. And holy shit, it got to you far more than you’d ever expected. Even just the faint promise of it had you fidgeting a little uncomfortably in your seat sometimes.

It had become an altogether terrifying prospect that you may never be attracted to, or aroused by another man until you somehow got over Taehyung. The fact that Jungkook could provoke you in this way was endlessly reassuring, if not a little startling. Thankfully, it was still too early for you to even think about sleeping with him yet – you were determined to take it slow, despite what your body told you – and if things ever went well enough for you to consider acting on your desire, you had ample time to prepare.

[15:41] Maybe, if I’m feeling charitable lol

And that was something he was going to have to get used to – your sometimes overly abrasive wit that was certainly not a defense mechanism in any shape or form. Not at all.

He seemed to sense that about you, though, if his response was any indication. In such a short period of time, too. How?

Jungkook played along.

[15:42] Jungkook yes miss, thank you miss

You had a feeling that such flirtatious back-and-forths were a tribute to the relative safety of distance between you. Jungkook certainly seemed bolstered by it. Because for every dangerous comment you’d levelled at him on your date, face-to-face, he’d been stumped, and more than a little flustered. With a little time and loosening up, what sort of a man would he show himself to be? You bit your lip thinking about it.

“Did your man-shape send you something good?” a sing-song voice rudely interrupted your increasingly indecent thoughts.

You looked up at the guy with lurid red hair. It was Jimin, one of Taehyung’s friends from college and someone you’d had to repeatedly rebuff in the past. Sure, he was hotter than Satan’s favourite beach holiday destination, but you found his personality incredibly lacking. In fact, his dating practices imbued in you as little faith as Taehyung’s, except he was not up front, he strung women along and frequently made booty calls to those who were naïve enough to believe that he would eventually want something more. And that is why you kept well away from that strutting, manspreading catastrophe. “My man-shape?” you clarified, though you supposed Taehyung had told him all about Jungkook. The fact that you were the subject of recent conversation between the two of them made you feel a little uncomfortable – when would Jimin get the hint? No, when would he finally take note of the flashing neon sign above your head that read ‘Hell can freeze over first!’?

“Yeah, your boy-toy. Sexting already?” he smirked, spread out on the couch like he owned the place, one arm slung over the back and his legs spread as wide as his distractingly tight jeans would decently allow him.

“Jesus, Jimin,” you sighed. Every time you uttered his name it was awash in disapproval. “Nosy much? How about I ask you when you last fucked someone? No, wait, don’t answer that,” you added on hurriedly, your frantically waving arms stretching to censor him the wider he opened his mouth. “No, don’t tell me. Please.”

He stuck out his bottom lip in protest but complied. Thankfully, as coarse and lewd as he could be, Jimin could – most of the time – reel himself in when people began to tire of his unseemly conversational topics. Unfortunately, he was still insufferable enough that you wouldn’t consider meeting up with him on your own time, but you were more than happy to hang out with him in the presence of others. Jimin in limited doses could be fun. Somewhere, a small part of you lurched at the thought that he had probably been your ideal type only a few years ago.

Why Hoseok thought it was a good idea to play this game, especially with Jimin present, mystified you. Not only did you basically know everything about each other already, but you were no longer living a transient lifestyle; everyone had remained here with some permanence and if anything embarrassing surfaced tonight, there would be nothing for it but to face an awkward run-in the next day. It was inescapable. And this is why these games were better suited to the temporary shitstorm of student life. Particularly for you, who was probably liable to spill the juiciest secrets of them all.

So, despite feeling the familiar, coaxing warmth of alcohol cladding your veins, you would endeavour to lie at every opportunity. The problem is, you weren’t particularly good at lying, especially when put on the spot. And all the more for being under the sway of Russian spirits.

Mercifully, Jimin’s attentions had been captured by the hushed scolding of the other friend Taehyung had brought with him – a girl you didn’t recognise, and by the way Jimin was being excessively handsy with her in the midst of their playful, charged bickering, you presumed she was his current ‘girlfriend’. Her face was entirely unfamiliar to you, and it surprised you a small amount to see her here at Hoseok’s place, considering Taehyung was your tie, not his. And he had brought with him a chain of friends whose links to Hoseok became weaker the further down the line you went. He didn’t seem to mind, though. Unlike you, Hobi was outgoing and welcoming of fresh blood. He just loved to play host.

Everyone was sitting on the floor in a circle, waiting for Taehyung to return. After several more minutes and jokes exchanged about whether to send in an excavation squad, he finally reappeared and settled himself next to you. Before anyone had a chance to say anything other than a cursory ‘Finally!’, he held up his hand. “Don’t ask, unless you want me to get gross.”

And, yes, it had dawned on you the day after your most opportune reunion with Jungkook and Taehyung’s subsequent suspicious behaviour that the Gods hadn’t smiled upon you at all. No, it had just been him spinning his tricks. From the intrepid misplacement of his phone, to the fastidiously plotted – late – arrival, to the panicked, rushed departing. The fucker had planned it all, despite your obvious discomfort with the entire situation. The anger you had felt initially would have been a damn sight more homicidal if it hadn’t been so dulled by the genuine contentedness your spontaneously set-up date had given you.

When you’d seen Taehyung next, though, you’d immediately tacked him to the wall, finger prodding his chest in accusation. He’d merely stood there, frozen, eyes wide and duly fretful. And he knew damn well it would extinguish your fury. The bear-hug he’d then trapped you in hastened your transformation from vengeful hell-bitch to tender, wilting flower. Muffled pleas for forgiveness had been breathed into your neck and it’d taken the self-control of a saint not to turn your head and swallow his begging with your mouth. Because, fuck, why did he have to get so close all the time, smelling like all your favourite memories and haunts and places in the future only your imagination could take you. It was a good idea to keep him at arms’ length, really, but he caught you off-guard every time, pinning you like the apex predator of maleness he was.

Eventually, you’d bestowed upon him the forgiveness he so desperately sought and thanked him. Because you were truly thankful. Jungkook had deserved that second chance.

Hoseok began to dish out the glasses, filling up your respective cups. Having already plied everyone with drinks since an hour beforehand, needless to say the room was already abuzz with giddy chatter. “Let’s get going, then. I’ll go first. Take a drink if you have done this, remember.”

You leaned back against the front of the sofa opposite the one Jimin and his girl were seated on and pulled your knees to your chest. “We know, Hoseok. I’ve played this game so many times.”

“I know you have,” he tutted, disappointed with your sour attitude. “And I’m sure many of us have, too. But we’ve never played it together, have we?”

Taehyung answered for you, mimicking your posture and raising his knees. “Nope. I was 3 years too late to join in on your antics,” he muttered, an indignant finger hovering between you, Yoongi and Hoseok. “But then again, I was a good boy, so.”

Yoongi almost choked on the beer he’d been chugging. Oh God, you thought to yourself. Yoongi, don’t mix your drinks. “Bullshit. You might not have been drowning in booze in your teenage years, but everyone knows you were drowning in pussy instead. You’re hardly the face of morality.”

The younger brother merely shrugged, unaffected. “True. They all thought I was a good boy, too, though.”

If you’d been drinking, you were sure it would be burning the inside of your nose right now. Instead, you slapped his shoulder lightly in admonishment. The kid was clearly becoming uninhibited. “Kim Taehyung!”

For some reason, Jimin seemed to enjoy goading you. “Things are probably going to get a lot worse than that, ____. Why don’t you drink some more to take the edge off of his PG-13 words?”

The girl thumped him, but you were already glaring at him so hard you saw even his steadfast look of self-congratulation falter a little. There was absolutely no doubt in your mind that you could take that cocky little shit of a man out back and have him begging for mercy within a couple of minutes. “Why don’t you sit on my finger and spin, little boy? You’d probably like that, huh? Don’t talk to me about PG-13.”

An uproarious ‘ooooooooooh!’ rippled throughout your group. “Holy shit,” Yoongi rasped. “Someone Google the nearest burn centre.”

Hoseok was giggling and kicking his feet like an excited child. Jimin, however, stared at you, slack-jawed enough to convey how severely dumbfounded he was. For a brief moment, in the absence of his cocksure smirk, you saw him for what he truly was: a babyfaced man still living out his collegiate fantasy in order to feed his constant need for validation. You felt sorry for him, in that second. That feeling was painfully familiar to you.

But it was Taehyung’s reaction that had you blanching. The blatancy with which you spoke about your sex life was, usually, kept strictly to the trained ears of Yoongi and Hoseok. They had frequently been your drunken comrades-in-arms, afterall. Taehyung, however, had been relatively sheltered from your mountain of sexploits. You protected him from that image of you; didn’t want him to think you were loose, or debauched, or anything else along those lines, even though you knew that he wouldn’t judge you. That it wasn’t shameful to be that way. He, afterall, had been and was still that way. Not quite as wild, you were sure, but nevertheless. And that utterance, just now, was only the tip of the iceberg. He had no fucking idea.

But he was just staring at you. His face, on appearance, blank, but you knew that face, and that everything was somewhat out of place. Eyebrows slightly raised, eyes a little wider, lips incrementally parted. Afraid of what kind of conclusions his brain was coming to, you adopted your first line of defence: savagery. “I’m sorry, Taehyung, have I forever corrupted your innocence? Stop gawping and start drinking.”

Your acidity dissolved the weird tension. He shook his head and huffed resentfully. “Mean.”

Impatient to start, Hoseok clinked his glass against the bottle of vodka. “If any of you are too young, inexperienced or easily frightened, you’re more than welcome to sit out. Now let’s get started! Never Have I Ever,” he paused, scanning the circle. Everyone’s glasses raised expectantly in the air. God, you were going to get so fucking drunk tonight. “Kissed someone of the same gender.”

For some reason, everyone’s eyes flew to you first, and you shrugged and downed your shot. That was something you had absolutely no problem admitting to. You raised your hands in exasperation. “What is this, a 13-year-old’s sleepover? Give me some real questions,” you snickered. But why the fuck did you ever think that provoking the others in the room – particularly Jimin – into asking something far more untoward was a good idea? You groaned inwardly, knowing that your immodesty would only worsen with percentage imbibed.

You watched Yoongi lower his glass, and that didn’t surprise you one bit – he’d never displayed an interest in men, and very few women in general. Even your booze-fuelled fondling had been experimental rather than the culmination of some pent-up sexual frustration. If anything, you suspected he was aromantic, asexual or both.

The aggression with which Jimin slammed his glass on the table had you rolling your eyes. Of course. Such fragile masculinity. “Nope, never,” he commented as casually as possible.

Hoseok’s face had gradually drooped the more people that lowered their drinks. Then, shyly, he took his shot. Yoongi turned to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, reevaluating him from head-to-toe. “Really? Who? When?”

And that surprised you. Yoongi had never expressed an interest in anyone’s romantic life, even his own. Hoseok seemed giddy with the attention, and that had your eyebrows shooting skywards. Had he set this up to put out some feelers?

The younger of the two cleared his throat, falsifying some projection of nonchalance. “Some guy, and ages ago,” he trivialised the occurrence.

Unbeknownst to the man who was now questioning everything he knew about his best friend, you’d personally witnessed many more such encounters – and several that had progressed quite a bit further – you’d had the misfortune to walk in on when Hoseok had implored you to sneak him into some of the frat parties you’d attended. He wasn’t strictly in the closet or anything, but you knew that he preferred to keep it close to his chest, and for some reason that hadn’t occurred to you until now, away from Yoongi in particular. Had he gotten tired of waiting for him to show some interest? It was strangely reminiscent of your situation with Taehyung.

Interesting.

Taehyung had rested his glass between his legs and was tracing the rim with his finger, waiting for the hubbub to die down. To your great annoyance, Jimin nodded his approval at his friend’s lack of bi-curiosity. God, why was he the epitome of a bro? The girl – Candy, you thought you’d overheard Jimin calling her earlier – also raised her glass and winked in your direction, taking her shot. Failing to surprise you at every predictable, meandering turn, Jimin whooped his encouragement of this revelation. “Candy! Fuck, I’m gonna be thinking about that later,” he dropped brazenly, but everyone seemed to have discarded their reserve by this point and merely emitted a mix of cringe-induced groans and chuckles.

“My turn,” Taehyung piped up, brandishing his glass high. “Never Have I Ever had sex in a public place,” he proposed confidently, like he’d spent some time mulling over what to say.

Again, you and Candy drunk in tandem, pointing at each other a knowing finger. You seemed to be kindred spirits. Jimin and Taehyung also took a shot, and your mind was threatening to run wild with any number of potential scenarios that involved your best friend’s disposition for public indecency.

Yoongi’s glass lay neglected on the floor; apparently keeping it raised was tantamount to too much effort. “Okay, I want examples, please,” his tone not at all becoming of a request and more suspect of fallacy.

Candy and Jimin glanced at each other before the latter bragged. “In a park.”

Taehyung, having always been a lightweight, was resting his head back against the sofa cushions, rolling it from side to side for no apparent reason other than his own amusement. His voice was a lot thicker than normal and fuck if it didn’t sound like his throat was coated with honey. “In the toilets at a concert.”

Longingly, you wanted to envision such a sight. But – and even though it was difficult to contain, the longer the night when on – you would not let yourself do so. You inhaled deeply in preparation to impart your list. “On a beach, in a field, in the woods, in a lecture hall, a supply closet, the back of a car, the back of a motorbike…” you trailed off when all ambient noise ceased entirely. Were you being too honest? “Uh, you get the idea.”

“Fuck,” Jimin whistled. “Shit, you’re wild,” he lauded you openly. His companion didn’t seem at all disgruntled by his appreciative attentions. In fact, she was nodding along with his exhortations. “Alright, my turn. Never Have I Ever,” he dragged out the last word, pinning you with a pointedly salacious gaze. “Masturbated over one of the people in this room.”

The soundtrack from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly may as well have been playing for all the loaded looks that were exchanged. Like cowboys at a saloon showdown, everyone’s eyes flew to one another, some with drinks aloft and precipitously hanging. When the weird tension alone was no longer entertaining enough for Jimin, he took a shot directly and tipped the empty glass towards you, sending you a brazen wink. Your lip curled in disgust and you moved to employ Taehyung as a human shield between yourself and the shameless pervert, but you were halted by the curious hovering of his hand over his planted shot-glass. A tremulous sigh escaped him and in one fluid movement, he downed his drink, as though wanting the offending liquid gone as soon as possible.

This was far more a shocking revelation than Jimin, who seemed irritated that Taehyung’s admission had stoked the fires of enthusiasm in the group. Yoongi was the first to spring to life. And that in itself was weird, because he was usually the last person to give a shit about such frivolity. “I swear to God, if it’s me, I’m murdering you.”

Taehyung’s hair fell over his eyes when he raised his head to look at him. “Very funny, hyung.”

But he wouldn’t elaborate further, and your heart began to hammer against your ribcage. Inwardly you took a roll call, your eyes drifting between people. Was it Hoseok or Jimin? Was that why he seemed so reluctant to admit it? Or perhaps it was Candy? If she was currently engaged elsewhere, that would also explain his hesitation.

An angel of mercy appeared to tease the truth from him. “Well, who is it, then?” Jimin sneered. Alright, perhaps not an angel. One of Satan’s earthbound minions.

Taehyung didn’t seem particularly annoyed with being pushed on it; afterall, he could have lied without anyone calling him out. He slumped back again to stare up at the off-white ceiling, before a gentle loll of his head had him facing you directly and with what you can only describe as a mischievous grin rounding the edges of his angular mouth. Your blood ran cold. “____.”

“What the fuck?” you gasped near inaudibly, glancing in alarm around the circle, as though you could glean an inkling from their faces that this was some sick prank. But rather than sit there, as blank and unresponsive as you were, people were up in arms, roaring their delight. In the commotion, no-one seemed to notice the way you had drained of colour, nor hear the thunderous pounding of your heart, so loud in your ears you were sure it would deafen you.

Taehyung had been watching, though, and he patted your thigh as if to soothe you. “I’m sorry for ruining the sanctity of our childhood, noona,” he grinned impishly. Clearly, this wasn’t anywhere near the calamitous deal to him that it was to you. “In my defense, I was a teenager, and when you hit puberty you turned into this hot, older girl right before my eyes. I was into older girls for a while because of that,” he elaborated to the group, and Jimin nodded sympathetically, as though both were attendants of some support group and had experienced a shared pain.

You knew that it shouldn’t have meant anything. That the moment had long gone; been buried beneath years of many other girls and women much prettier, much more interesting than you. To be the muse of a teenage boy’s masturbation fantasy was as fleeting as the length of time it took for them to bring themselves to completion.

And yet.

And yet, there had been some acknowledgement, some time, somehow, that you had been desirable in his eyes. He’d seen you as a woman; not just as a sister, not just as some amorphous blob. A woman. And that accompanying word, having itself rolled off his own tongue, an actual cherry on top: hot. He’d thought you were hot.

You briefly recalled the sight of your ghastly reflection from an earlier bathroom trip. Taehyung almost certainly didn’t regard you as such anymore, but it had been a reality at one point. Perhaps, if you worked on yourself, you could conjure it back. What would you have to do? Lose a little weight, put more effort into your appearance?

The ice in your veins melted and allowed your blood to flow once more, searing you with possibilities. The tumultuous excitement in your stomach should have been shameful, improper – you had Jungkook to think about now, and yet, and yet you were still only one date and a few minor flirtations in, you could cut him off quickly without harming him too much more, and—

Stop, you hissed inwardly. You’re a fucking disgrace.

The power he had over you was truly formidable. How could you ever mistake the lightness in your step of late as being a sign of you finally overcoming this? If he even so much as looked in your direction you would crawl over hot coals to reach him.

You saw it in his eyes. The calm, casual way he still regarded you, as if he hadn’t just shattered your carefully constructed barriers into heart-rending fragments. You had to get out of there.

“I gotta go to the bathroom,” you mumbled, tripping over yourself in your haste.

“Wait,” Jimin called after you, and you repressed the urge to strangle him before turning to him, palms spread and expecting some infuriating jibe.

“What?”

“You’re avoiding the game,” he smirked, looking as pleased as punch. And that’s what he would be getting very, very soon.

You could have walked away. You could have walked away from this game from the beginning. But you were irate and not thinking straight and you wanted to affect Taehyung in some way, any way, even if it was just to make him regret such a barefaced confession. So you stalked toward him and picked up your glass, eyeing him meaningfully before throwing the liquid to the back of your throat and tossing the empty vessel to the couch. Wiping your mouth on the back of your hand as he gawked at you, bewildered, you sauntered away looking far more of a badass than you felt.

Because when you got to the bathroom and closed the door, you slid down its surface to the floor and began to shake, your shoulders heaving with every great, silent gasp of air you desperately drew in to prevent your panic from spiralling out of control.

This is how it would always be.

You progress around the board, you make some headway in life, you land on a Chance and you stupidly take it, every single fucking time, because you can’t not know what is under that card.

You pray that it’s Boardwalk, but you go straight to jail.

Or, more aptly, purgatory. Repeatedly.

Nothing about this situation was healthy or sane, and now Jungkook’s tender feelings were embroiled. You could no longer serve yourself so selfishly without hurting others. And that is what prompted you to, finally, take out your phone. With trembling fingers and a tear-smeared screen, you texted Hoseok.

[22:13] I’m so sorry to ask this of you. I don’t want to ruin your night, but I have something really important that I need to talk to you about ASAP.

[22:14] Would you mind taking me home? I can’t stay here any longer.

You heard the chime of his phone distantly. It was hard to stay strong, when you could feel the resurgence of your unrequited feelings crushing your lungs, but what was almost unbearable was the shame of dragging others into your mess.

[22:15] Hoseok Of course! Are you okay? What’s going on? Are you in the bathroom still?

[22:15] Yes, I’m here, and I’m hiding. I’ll tell you why soon. I can’t come out yet, I feel and look like an idiot.

A few seconds after your text, you heard the scrape of muffled movement and your head snapped up in panic. He wasn’t sending them home, was he?

[22:16] Hoseok-ah! I’ll leave, don’t tell them to go on my account! Oh God

Murmurings unmistakeably confused and reluctant in tone met your ears when you pressed one to the door.

[22:17] Hoseok I’m getting tired as it is, so don’t beat yourself up about it. I got what I wanted out of the night.

You groaned and pressed your face to your knees, sandwiching your nose between them, hoping they would swallow you up into obscurity. When the sounds from outside abated, though, you were granted no such wish. Instead, with a sudden yank of the door behind you, you fell backwards and hit your head on the floor, squinting as artificial light assaulted your eyes. “Oh, fuck,” you muttered, rubbing the crown of your head.

Hoseok peered down at you, eyebrows raised as far as they could possibly go, his expression so intensely concerned you wanted to comfort him. “____. Jesus, are you okay? What’s going on with you?”

Bracing his hands under your armpits, he dragged you into standing and you leaned against him, his warm, platonic love enveloping you in the form of his cashmere-clad arms.

And that was it.

You just.

Let.

Go.

You sobbed, and sobbed, and when he hushed you gently and manoeuvred you backwards, still face-deep in his chest, you sobbed, both of you stumbling occasionally in the conjoined efforts of two people possessing impaired motor skills. The backs of your knees eventually hit the couch and you crumpled, still clinging to him, into its plushness, and he didn’t yield, not for one second. He must have been able to tell how much you needed him in that moment.

God, it had been so long since someone had just held you, romantic or otherwise. You’d basically been sub-human and shunning any prolonged contact for a spectre of love that you were sure would haunt you to your grave. “Hoseok,” you sobbed, and you couldn’t get out much more than that.

Ever so gently, he rubbed the span of your back, equal parts to comfort and encourage you. “I’m here, ____,” and when you didn’t say anything else, he took it upon himself to relieve you of your pain without you having to open your mouth and form the excruciating words. “Is this the culmination of the last few months?”

“Y-Yes,” you sniffled, an ugly wail swallowing any further explanation.

His voice was kind, patient. “Have you been holding this in all this time?”

“Yes,” you repeated lamely, but this in itself was a miracle – your verbal confirmation of these feelings were solidifying them into concrete, tangible problems that you could potentially fight. And, now, you wouldn’t have to battle them alone.

He sighed, then, and you stiffened, because you were so afraid of rejection in any form now that you thought it possible that even one of your dearest friends would become sick of your antics and disown you. You began to tremble, and he squeezed you closer; uncomfortably tight if you liked breathing, perfectly tight if you wanted to feel as though you had returned to the safe recesses of the womb. “You can shoot me down if you like, but please don’t lie to me if it’s the truth,” he mumbled into your shoulder, and you gulped. “Is this about Taehyung?”

For the third and final time, you exhaled your answer with all the relief of having a splinter extracted. “Yes.”

Hoseok nodded, but didn’t move, or say anything further. Instead, he allowed you to cry out the last of your bountiful supply of tears and only then, when you pulled away, snotty strings snapping upon the absence of your nose from his sweater, did he say anything. Of course, his first words were calculated to put you at ease. He looked down at the impressively large, damp stain you had left in your wake. “I’d recommend consulting an ENT doctor.”

You couldn’t help yourself; you laughed, your eyes still red and shining. But just the knowledge that you were no longer alone in this struggle, that it didn’t have to be contained to the self-destruction of your own inner prejudices, but could be scrutinised with objectivity and lucidity; you already felt tonnes lighter. “I’m sorry about your sweater. I promise, I’ll get you another like it.”

He futilely wiped at your endlessly gushing waterworks before handing you a box of tissues from the coffee table. “None of that. So,” he prodded gently, lowering his head to catch your downcast eyes. “Do you want to talk, or should I ask?”

Talking plainly about it was still too hard. You took the coward’s route. “I’m sorry to make you work for something you don’t even want to hear, but it would be easier if you ask me about it. My thoughts are a mess.”

Hoseok snatched the Kleenexes away from you when all you did with them was tear them apart between your fingers. That drew your gaze to him and he pinned you with one of reproach. “Stop. Beating. Yourself. Up,” he punctuated each word with a tissued dab at your face. He cupped it around the end of your nose and, like a parent kneeling before their leaking child, commanded you: “Blow.”

That roused you a little. You shirked away in embarrassment. “Oh my God, no. I can blow my own nose,” you sniffed indignantly, though the validity of your assertion was nullified in large part by the sodden patch on his sweater that he pointed to in reminder. You smiled again and thwapped him, but he seemed beguilingly happy by your response.

“I’m glad to see you smile. Let’s sort out your little problem then, shall we?” he proposed, and you sighed.

“It’s hardly a little problem.”

“It will be when we tackle it together,” Hoseok said confidently, and you almost believed him. “I don’t know what’s going on, exactly, but you got upset when Taehyung admitted to being a gross little shit. I’m guessing it goes deeper than that, though?”

You shuddered at the memory of the playfulness in his eyes as he had said it. “Yes. Actually,” you sat up a little, peaked by your own interest. “Have you ever, I don’t know, sensed anything from me? About Taehyung?”

“You’ll have to be a little more specific than that,” he pressed gently, reclining in the space Jimin had so grossly been taking up prior. “What do you mean?”

Words were hard. “Did you ever get the impression that I was, uh, into him? Like, something I said, or did?”

Hoseok let his head rest on the back of the sofa as he considered your question. Then, he shook his head minutely. “Not really. I mean, you’ve always been affectionate with each other, and your chemistry has always been relaxed. Like, never forced, or tense, or anything like that.”

You brightened with this heartening piece of information. “Oh, I’m so glad. God, I was worried I’d been way too obvious. I mean, when you asked me about Taehyung, I started panicking that it was as plain as day to everyone, and I was the only one pretending.”

Hoseok tugged you to into a more comfortable position with him, and threw his arm around your shoulders to pull you close. “So you have a thing for him? Is that why you got upset? I thought, perhaps, because you’ve been pretty down lately, that – I don’t know, that perhaps the fact that your perfect best friend was just a dirty little pervert like the rest of us men made you feel – I don’t know, I’m grasping at straws here – betrayed, or unsafe, or, I don’t know. That’s about 5 minutes worth of frantic guessing, right there,” he rambled, and although you understood his line of thinking, you wished it was as superficial as that. “I thought this breakdown was more to do with, honestly, the outcome of my over-working you,” he muttered, and you felt the barbed sting of guilt. All you ever did was make him worry. “You’ve been suffering, you’ve been struggling, and I’ve only piled more on top of you.”

You cut off any further musings of his accountability by choking him a hug, silencing him with the pressure of your arms around his neck. “Stop. Don’t you dare think this is anything to do with you. It’s not, and it never has been.”

Hoseok sighed again, and, oh, what you would do not to hear him make such an unhappy sound. It was agonising. “Still, if you’ve been suffering for so long, I’m sad that you didn’t feel like you could come to me sooner. I feel like I’ve failed yo—“

You held a finger to his mouth and if that hadn’t muzzled him, the seething glare you watched him wilt under did. “Don’t be fucking stupid, Hoseok. You’re not the problem here, it’s very clearly me. I’ve never been one to speak openly about how I’m feeling. You should know that well. And, seeing as I show more of myself to you than anyone else, you should also know that you are, honestly, the only person I would ever come to with something like this. It has taken me reaching breaking point to finally come clean about it.”

“But why did it take for you to get to that stage?” his forehead creased in confusion. “It’s difficult to talk about, yes, but why wait until you hit the bottom before you seek help?”

“Because it’s not that I merely have a crush on Taehyung, Hoseok, I –“ you stopped to gather your thoughts into one concise statement. “I love him.”

His eyes widened almost comically. “You love him? You don’t just have some crush on him?”

“No,” you breathed, slumping into the cushions. “I’ve loved him for fucking ages. It’s slowly been driving me mad, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I thought – foolishly – that getting back into dating would help, and, well – it did. Kind of,” you stumbled through your words, slapping the sofa in frustration. “I like Jungkook, I really do. He’s great, and every time I doubt that there’s something there, he does something that shows me that there might be. But it’s still very early days, and I— this infatuation, or whatever it is, it’s impossible to fight most days. But especially when Taehyung says or does something that gives my pathetic hopes something to cling to. What he said tonight, well, that was the one thing that I had always protected myself with – the idea that he’d never been attracted to me. And now, well, my mind’s having a field day.”

Hoseok leaned forward, elbows steadied on his knees, a hand cupping his chin in thought. He looked most astute like this. “I see,” he muttered, his vision unfocused and clearly elsewhere. What was he seeing? A solution?

“What do I do?” you whined, stamping your feet. “Can you see my dilemma, though? Don’t tell me to confess to him, because he’s in too deep with Tara now, and even if he weren’t, he’s never expressed to me any desire to date me. And because of that, I won’t do it. I value him, my friend, far more than I value my own skewed desires.”

He bobbed his head in agreement vacantly. “No, I wasn’t going to suggest that. I agree that it could ruin things between you. I think you’re going about it the right way, to be honest – Jungkook sounds promising. Yeah, Tae throws you a curveball every now and then, but this new guy has distracted you from him pretty successfully, right?”

“Yeah,” you relented, watching the way his mouth curved sweetly when he was contemplative. “But I always go back to him. Always.”

“In that case,” Hoseok turned to you and applied a gentle pressure to your knee as though to prepare you. “I think it would be best if you distance yourself from Tae for a while and focus purely on Jungkook. I know you’ll have to see him at the party, but keep your interactions minimal for a while until you can really allow the new guy to make an impression. Hopefully, a good one.”

Honestly, you’d considered this option a few times in the past, but Taehyung was insidious. He was clingy and needy when it came to your friendship; it certainly wasn’t one of those ones where you questioned whether you were the only person in it. He was always proactive in contacting and arranging things with you, and when you’d tried to limit your time with him he’d only become more insistent, and you could hardly explain to him just why you were withdrawing from him.

This time, though, you had Jungkook. Hell yes you were placing far too much responsibility on the poor guy’s unknowing shoulders, but keeping him in the dark about it would prevent your mess from becoming his burden. This knowledge was a comfort, a stabilizer, just for you, to keep you afloat. “What if he texts me, what if he calls me? What if he just shows up without explanation? He will, you know. He does that.”

“Reply to his texts sparingly and pick up the odd call on occasion. Don’t make it seem like you’re cutting him out, just that you’re incredibly busy. Your finals are in, like, 3 weeks, aren’t they? Use that as an excuse. By then, perhaps you’ll have made some headway with Jungkook.”

“And what if Jungkook isn’t what I’m looking for? What if it’s hopeless?” you hugged a cushion to your stomach and curled over it, the black cloud looming.

Hoseok seemed to notice the shift in your state. “Don’t catastrophise,” he emphasised the last word. “I know what you’re like. Let’s try this first, and think of something if that comes to be. Okay? You have me to talk to about this, now, so don’t you dare go digging yourself into a pit again before you ask me for help.”

You stuck out your bottom lip in some ineffective attempt to stem the batch of fresh tears brimming your eyes, because you were just so fucking touched by how much he cared about you, even though you never let him in, never came to him with anything. He made you feel strong for doing this, not weak. “I love you so much,” you blubbed, and he crushed you to him again, your face squished unpleasantly to your earlier display of upset. “Thank you, Hobi.”

“Don’t even m—“

The pocket of your jeans vibrated and the two of you exchanged a look. You both knew who it would be. Now that you thought about it, you’d probably left him feeling rather disconcerted after your last interaction. Hopefully he would write it off as you being drunk and a little disgruntled rather than actual disclosure of who you thought about when you fingered yourself.

“Go ahead and read it,” Hoseok nodded for you to proceed. “We’ll figure out what to do.”

You clicked on your phone and looked at the top-most notification.

[22:53] Taehyung Noona, if I made you angry, I’m sorry. I was drunk and not thinking straight.

Another message came through while you were reading.

[22:55] Taehyung I just wanted to let you know that whatever I did back then, it meant nothing, and it never changed how much I respect you and look up to you.

Your stomach turned sickeningly. It meant nothing. You’d just made an unexpected appearance amidst his usual jack-off fodder. He was trying to comfort you, and any sane person would recognise and appreciate that. For you, however, his words only wounded you deeper.

[22:56] Taehyung I was just a stupid kid back then, and clearly alcohol helps me regress to that. I don’t think of you that way anymore, and I haven’t for a long time. I just wanted to reassure you. I don’t want things to become weird between us.

Of course it was impossible that he could find anything in you attractive now. The older you got, the more invisible you became.

[22:56] Taehyung I love you, ____, you’re the most important person in my life. And I’m sorry.

If you had been on the verge of evacuating the contents of your stomach before, you were now just one hastily-slapped-hand-over-your-mouth away from ruining Hoseok’s carpet. If the intent had just been a little different—

Hobi snatched your phone from you and marched you immediately to the bathroom. Thankfully, just in time. Ever the long-suffering, dutiful friend, he held your hair aside as you hurled this evening’s mistakes into the toilet bowl.

During one of your pained, rasping intervals, you noticed him scrolling through the messages Taehyung had sent you

“He’s saying everything wrong,” Hoseok muttered, his brows pulled down in frustration. “God, he’s so oblivious.”

Your phone buzzed in his hand and you looked up, both dreading and eager to hear what he had to say next.

Against your expectations, though, a smile lit up Hobi’s face. Just seeing that lifted your weary spirits a little. “What?”

“It’s Jungkook,” he chuckled, turning the screen to you.

[23:08] Jungkook i just woke up from the worst sleep ever and you were the first thing i thought of

[23:09] Jungkook this is creepy and far too late to send but i have anyway

[23:09] Jungkook just want you to know i’m thinking about you

Somehow, his texts dulled the sour taste on your tongue. Hoseok watched you intently, and you knew he would be pleased by what he was seeing. Every subsequent message pulled your smile a little higher, made your eyes shine a little brighter. And still, they kept coming.

[23:10] Jungkook not in a dirty way

[23:10] Jungkook oh god i’m making this worse

[23:10] Jungkook hopefully you’re drunk and delete these texts by accident

Sure enough, you were giggling at his adorable buffoonery, headache and burning throat forgotten. Hoseok gained confidence in your joint plan of action. “I’m sure things will work out,” he framed it as a statement, not a meagre hope. “Give Jungkook a chance, try and focus purely on him.”

The necessity of equilibrating your yo-yoing mental health had you agreeing resolutely. “I will. Let me just text Tae so he doesn’t worry,” you mumbled thickly, and Hoseok raised a suspicious brow at you.

“I’ll do it,” he informed you, and you knew there was no room for argument. You watched quietly as he tapped in a very brief response to Taehyung’s heartfelt apology and handed your phone back to you.

[23:14] It’s fine, I’m not mad. See you soon.

The curtness made you wince. “He’ll think I am mad,” you were convinced.

“No, he won’t. He’ll ask me when he sees me tomorrow how you were, I’m sure, and I’ll tell him you went home smiling. Okay?”

That satisfied you somewhat. “Alright. Thank you, again.”

He waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t be silly. Now, don’t leave your new man on read this time, yeah?”

A noise of agreement sounded in your throat and you stewed over how to respond to his sweet messages. You had to tease him, of course.

[23:16] I am drunk, and I re-read these texts many times on purpose. Just to commit them to memory, so I can torment you about them forever.

Next: 05 || WYLEI Masterlist

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wildflower8281 · 6 years

Text

Some of the Crazy Shit in #nunlife

I’m trying to understand why I’m feeling so moved to write (again!) about much of this and share it. I think the answer is 3-fold:

1.) To bring awareness to an institution that is little known and that does a few things well, but a buncha things not so greatly. Incase any friends, parents or girls considering religious life ever read this – I have been and am happy to be available to connect and share more. I’ve been doing this for years offline – just sharing the behind the scenes, so as to remove the idealistic view that this order portrays. People be free to make their own decisions, tho!

2.) For me, there is a release and a letting go that happens when I write and share it out. It’s like the energy of it all is no longer lingering in my body and mind. It’s on the laptop and it’s out in the world. While I’ve had lots of pieces of my transition on my tumblr for years and other #nunlife posts on fb before, for some reason I’m feeling moved to write this way and share now, so here I am!

3.) I think my #conventlife is also like a really good book. You can revisit it at various points in your life and see new things, take in new messages, read the nuances even further. It’s pretty fascinating to me, so I enjoy revisiting, looking at parts from new perspectives, and allowing new lessons and wisdoms to appear for me.

(Below, basketball games and birthday celebrations with some of our very favorite youth and families.)

In my last post, I shared a lot of what life in Spanish Harlem was like, as a missionary sister, living day to day. Pretty basic nun stuff, even if it was new to readers. Here I’m going to follow-up with some events during my 4 years in San Pablo that I have a love/hate relationship with. I love them because I’m pretty sure without them taking place, I may never have left (and leaving has been all things awesome, so!)….and I hate them because they were truly some of the most difficult, exhausting, dark years of my life on all levels. Looking back, I’m pretty confident it was the Universe going: “Here – you are getting the intensive course on burnout…Imma send you a legit crazy (1 definite, a few mas or menos) and make you literally in charge of everything…for 2+ years. Then, you’ll die, want to leave and get on with your life.”

I think like any people-pleaser, like anyone who can’t say no, like anyone who knows not their own voice – my story is no different, with the exception that I was wearing a bright blue habit and a veil. The rules were a little more dramatic – to say no, was saying no to God….and quitting was quite literally scandalous….but still, same structure. I think we all have our own levels of what drives us to our utter exhaustion and burnout. For me, it was a mentally ill sister and replacing another who left, with little support in either situation. This is not a complete piece about why I left – as ultimately the motivation was much more interior - but more a list of external events and circumstances that led to my utter collapse on all levels.

How To Get Girls to Leave Religious Life in 3 Easy Steps:

· Make them Superior. Firstly, being the “superior” of nuns older than you both in religious life and real life just felt uncomfortable. Dealing with the Pastor without having any mission experience was also highly uncomfortable, and it didn’t help that he was the most stoic priest ever and only spoke when necessary. It was annoying and scary at first. (After getting to know him over the years, however, that eased up & I learned he was like a really big-hearted Uncle, who had drank the Stoic Koolaid. It’s cool. I admire him for many things still to this day. He has actually since left the order, but is still a priest!) Being sent to Harlem as superior was like this: “Here, be in charge of all operations in this place you’ve never been to, and be in charge of these people who have been here longer than you.” It was just annoying and stressful!!! That’s what I got for being responsible & docile. Of course, I looked to the sisters who had been there longer for most of my answers in those first years. I knew how to be humble, yo! But still – I really didn’t enjoy being the Superior.. Training was joke – barely a week. It’s “the missionary adventure!” they said. “Trust the Holy Spirit!” they said! “Grace will provide!” they said! #Koolaid, I say, to help the cray go down easier.

· Send them a Crazy. My 2nd year there, the Provincial Superior decided to send me a “troubled” sister. Due to my “calm and peaceful nature” she thought I could handle this sister and would be a good superior for her and that I should really try to bond with her, so that she would trust me & get better, etc. This sister was notorious for her emotional outbursts & instability and for having been shipped from convent to convent, because of the trouble she caused....

Long, long story short-ish – she ended up having Borderline Personality Disorder, which we discovered during her stint in Harlem. (Before I go any further, please know I take mental illness very seriously. If there is any circumstance that made me realize it’s a very serious thing, it would be the one I am describing here. It’s no joke, it’s not her fault, but many versions of BPD do require intense programs to really get anywhere. I learned and read a shit-ton about it all, not to mention lived it on a daily basis in a very intimate way. I am in no way here blaming this sister for her antics, as clearly the #ssvm is to blame for not responsibly providing her the care she clearly needed.) She was officially diagnosed by a psychiatrist and it was recommended by him (note, a doctor who specialized in treating catholic religious….) that she be put into an intensive treatment program – like a 3-4 day a week program. It was also suggested that she go home to Argentina until she was well, or just for good. Well, the order carried out none of the recommendations of the doctors blaming money constraints and also because “the sick are our chalices” – a brainwashy line in our rulebook to make us think it’s virtuous and saintly to care for every member who is sick in any way, and never send them home. Keeping them with us and taking care of them is like making spiritual bank, basically. So, she stayed in our convent for 2+ years, basically causing unrest on a weekly and, often daily basis. Personally, it was emotionally exhausting for me, as I was the person closest to her & obliged always to care for her (the rest of the sisters basically avoided her and walked on egg-shells around her.) If you know anything about this mental illness, you know that it’s the people closest to them that they manipulate, abuse and have a love/hate relationship with. I think I went to more doctors appointments with her in those 2 years, than ever in my life – every specialist of every kind, there was always something. Basically anything to get my attention. Days when she would cry for hours on end, lock herself in the bathroom, bang her head against the wall, threaten suicide, be totally rebellious….and most of these situations, it was just me and her in the convent. Everyone else was out doing their things in the parish, but I was stuck at home, dealing with her. Despite that though, she found a way to piss off, provoke and drive all my sisters crazy. People with this mental illness are very emotionally savvy and know exactly what to say to provoke and push buttons. The sisters fell for it over and over again, until they finally learned & paid her no mind, which is what she could not stand. Same with me. This is how I learned to not engage. It’s been one of the wisest practices of my life & has saved me a lot of bullshit. The provincial superior, no matter how many things I shared with either of them (there were 2 during my 4 years in Harlem,) never did much to actually help me. It took my spiritual director (priest) to ask the provincial superior to remove this sister from our convent, for my sanity. Did I mention that I was sent with her to Argentina to visit a special doctor?! This was the last straw for me. I ended up cutting my part of the trip short, and flew home alone from Buenos Aires to New York, because she was absolutely nuts and if I stayed any longer, I was going to lose my mind. After that trip is when I asked Father to beg to have her removed from my care and from my convent. It was emotional and mental manipulation at its best by her, who was ill, and then to feel that my own superiors and order would not remove this situation from not only me, who also had anywhere from 3-5 other sisters to be present to, but would not remove the situation from our house, where it affected the peace and happiness of our convent community. I am positive it was this situation in particular that really began breaking my circuits. One at a time, the breakers were being flicked off. My brain had less and less mental energy to make decisions. I stopped caring about anything…

· Add Work, Remove Support. My 3rd year there (still with Sister Borderline), one of our mainstay sisters (the bitchy one) had not gotten laid yet, but had to go back to Argentina to help her mother. She ended up staying there for an entire year and no replacement was sent my way for her. I was asked to take over her parish duties, which was basically a full time job. She was the Director of Religious Education of our huge bilingual program – over 400 students, half on Saturday in Spanish, the rest on Sunday in English. It was a huge beast of a job (like in other parishes, is a regular paid FT job) that I was tasked with, with minimal help. The provincial house sent me 1 sister for a few hours a week to help me, but that was it. This job entailed not only weekend classes, but catechist formation classes (teaching adults how to teach and about the faith) and a ton of reception of the Sacraments, like coordinating hundreds of parents, sponsors and students for Baptisms, 1st Communions and Confirmations with the Bishop and all that insanity. I asked for another full time sister – someone who could really take over and was not given any more help than a few hours a week. Plus, I was still the provincial liturgist, having girls visit our convent, and doing all the things I originally had to do in the parish and as a superior. I was relieved of nothing, just tossed a full time job on top. So, at home I was being driven utterly insane (oh, and of course she was jealous that I was at the parish so much more, so of course she would have bouts of emergency illness, random piercing pains, etc, anything to get me to come back home and check her out, give her attention, make an emergency doctor visit, etc.) and at work, I was overloaded, but expected by Father and the parishoners to keep everything status quo. Not to mention the people of the parish obviously had no idea about the stressor of Sister Borderline and Father knew only minimal information and really didn’t care. He needed shit to get done in his parish and he didn’t care about an angry, whiney, emotional nun in the convent who didn’t work in his parish anyway. Nice set up, huh?

I mean – is it no wonder I left, I don’t like responsibility and I don’t like people?

Is it no wonder I can spot the red flags of people’s bullshit a mile away and be like #talktothehand. Peace.

Is it no wonder I aim to keep my lifestyle simple, free and lighthearted?

Is it no wonder I never want my work or job to become my life?

Is it no wonder that I go crazy when I see people who just don’t say no, and let people or organizations bulldoze over them?

Is it no wonder I never want to be in charge of shit, plan events or do someone else’s work?!

(Below, amazing youth at my farewell party...I was sent to the mission in Avondale, PA in July 2011 to be a regular sister and take a breather. This breather allowed me to realize and accept it was time for me to go home. Story for another day! Far right is now a NYPD!)

So, like I said at the beginning, it’s a love/hate relationship with these aforementioned circumstances. They totally sucked and at the same time, taught me so many lessons and infused me with loads of insight that I use daily. This is why the children, youth and families of Harlem are my absolute faves – in order to escape the stress and heaviness and utter out-of-controlness of my life, I would just go and hang with them. Laugh with them, eat and play with them. They helped ground me, allowed me to breathe and just always loved on me. And they still do to this day.

How interesting that my own religious family would not support me in these circumstances, and does not see me (or many of us who have left) as family even today? Yet the people of San Pablo always did and still do. I have real friendships with the people I met in Harlem, literally to this day. And when I go back to NY, I visit them. And yet, with the exception of 1 human, no one from the ive or the ssvm would consider me family today. #whoislivingthegospel? #irony

I’m not throwing shade….well, ok, maybe I am, ha! Sometimes, shade’s gotta be thrown, yo! #truth

#nunlife #formernun #exnun #catholic #catholiclife #lefttheconvent #spanishharlem #mentalillness #balance #family #conventlife #catholicnun #religioussister #nuns

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wannaonescenarios · 6 years

Text

rest.

this is going to get kind of long so i’ll try my best to shorten it.

maybe you have an idea from the title and im pretty sure people have followed me for a while probably saw this coming, but i am most likely leaving this blog.

i was initially going to compile a document full of my unfinished works and go but i feel like explaining myself because i couldn’t find it in me to leave without saying anything. honestly, i saw it coming and maybe you guys did too. the gaps between when i published my works and empty promises. not only that, but school has been kicking my ass and its probably not a valid excuse lol because other writers produced some vvvv great works while juggling with other activities and im amazed because they are constantly releasing stuff and here i am with constant writers block lol

with that aside, i just don’t feel the same happiness liked i used too. in the summer, i was so excited with this blog, and every note or reblog i got made me extremely happy. of course, notes and reblogs don’t mean much to me but i can’t help but get happy when i see people like my work. but now, i guess, its not the same.

now, i write whenever and i force myself too. i feel bad that i have all these requests in my inbox and i force myself to write because it’s just going to sit there and never be written lol. but posting something that i forced myself to write only makes me dislike writing even more if that makes sense haha.

and,,,another thing it has to do with this is mental health wise lol. this year started out great but it slowly went downhill and even now, i still find myself unhappy because of what is happening around me. i don’t know when ill get out of this, but i hope its soon.

i don’t know if i’ll comeback, maybe in a few months ill come back and be like ‘’siKEEE you thought you’ve seen the last of me’’ but honestly,,i don’t see myself doing that. but if i do, i guess it won’t be on here.

anyways, ik i have lots of stuff unfinished so ill probably compile that in a doc and leave it up for view if anyone wants to see what i wrote and if it made it or not lol. but if you’re curious, send me an ask and ill answer anything really. ask me why im leaving. ask me why i lost inspiration idk. ill probably answer most things.

moving on, feel free to ignore this but i want to address some people before i upload the doc and leave. also,,ill probably add more when my heads clear lol

@wannaonestars my fave!! the og!!! queenie, i’ll miss you very much. you mean a lot to me and im very glad that i met you!! you make me very happy and even though we don’t talk as much anymore, im so glad to have these memories with you and talked as much as we could. i hope senior year is going okay for you!! you can survive college prep, i believe in you!! also, i love scrolling through our old messages because it brings back all these memories of summer and im just??? crying but it’s totally fine :))) i love you lots, and i hope to read more of your writing hopefully!!

@singingmyreverie im sorry i never reply,,,you deserve way better than a shitty friend i am lol but im very thankful that i met you and im sosos thankful to have a caring friend like you. you make me happy and really happy!! i love looking back at our convos, and even though we suck at replying to each other lol, im glad that we even managed to talk despite the time gaps lol. thank you for being here.

@wanna-one-scenarios !!! my fellow girl group stan,,im so sorry i never reply. i love talking to you about gfriend (aka my ult bias group) and im forever thankful that we managed to talk even though i suck at replying lol im so glad to find someone who loves girl groups as much as i do, and ill never forget your tinder profile ‘rowley’ smh !!!!!1!!1 i still have your wanna one album,, that i’ll one day send LOL

@jjeehoon my man,, i never reply to you and im so sorry. even tho you ‘stan’ seongwoo, we all know u stan jihoon smh!!! i love when you talk to me about hello counselor bc thats my fav show!! and i never watched that one w daniel im so sorry,,but maybe one day!! also, im still looking forward with that witch au,,you better pull through LOL but thank you,,, an og!! im so glad to have talked to you and im so glad to see your account grow to what it is today.

@imagineproduce101 carina,,,i’ll miss you lots. and ik we don’t really talk at all lol but im super glad to meet you through the gc!! i get so happy seeing your blog grow to what it is today. i remember reading your oneshots like that woojin one about prom and asking for help in the gc nffknk i also remember contacting you outside the gc because i was so shy jnfsdfjnf and im just super happy to see how far you’ve grown,,with tons of followers now?? like wtf u go carina,,,im sososo proud of you!! even though we don’t talk at all, i’ll be supporting you!! thank you for giving me help when i need it, and i hope you’re super successful from now on!!

@onlyjihoons !!! zelia!! a cutie!!! im so glad to have write you,, and i’ve always meant to reply but i feel like its too late,, i hope it is TT but thank for!! i’ll really miss reading your writings and im super glad to have met you!! i remember when you told me when you went to a w1 fanmeeting and im still smiling remembering that. thank you for bringing so much happiness and hopefully it isn’t too late to reply to your kk message,,im such a bad friend TTT thank you agian.

#please read!!!!#personal #update #.me

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just-shower-thots-responses · 7 years

Text

Bar Fight ((Underswap Drabble/Open Starter))

Papyrus was smoking out by his sentry, as usual when he got the call. Muffet usually didn't call during business hours, so he had a slight sense of concern when he saw her name on his phone, yet he didn't seem to rushed to answer. “Hello?”

“Papyrus, it's Muffet.”

“Muffet, I have caller I.D. on my phone, I know it's you. What's up?”

“Could you keep an eye on the shop for me for a little while?” That definitely got his attention, forcing him to remove the cigarette from his teeth as he sat up, suddenly leaning on his shed. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes yes, I just need to take Danish to the Vet ER.”

“What?!”

“He's fine, he just swallowed something he shouldn't have. Normally I'd just leave the shop to my spiders, but it's getting close to night hours, and I need someone to keep an eye on the place.” “Why me and not Sans?”

“Do you really want to leave your brother that close to the sweets, unsupervised?”

“Point taken.” He sighed, putting the cigarette back in his mouth. “Can you please do this for me, Paps?” Muffet begged on the other line. Paps pulled the cigarette back out, puffing out the smoke.

“I dunno, I did kinda have plans...” Said plans merely consisted of harassing his brother online by sending him puns to his ask. Always a good time. “I'll give you free alcohol for the rest of the night.”

“Wait, seriously?!” “Yes, but you need to come as quickly as possible.” “Alright. It's a deal.” He nodded. “I'm on my way, but I gotta text Sans so he doesn't freak out.”

“Alright. I'll get everything set up for you to serve the alcohol. See you soon, Muffin Top.” Papyrus couldn't help but blush at the nickname.

“Muffet.” He whined. “We talked about this.”

“You're still my adopted son. I can call you whatever I want, deary.”

“Goodbye, Muffet!”

“Ahuhuhuhu!” She giggled before Paps hung up. He stood up, breathing in the last of his cig before throwing it on the ground behind his station. He started walking towards Muffets, texting Sans as he traveled through Snowdin.

“going to watch muffets for a while. ill be home whenever.” It didn't take long for Sans to text back.

“PAPYRUS! YOU CAN'T LEAVE IN THE MIDDLE OF WORK!!”

“she asked me to bro. she has to go to the capital for a bit so she wont be able to keep an eye on things during the night hours.”

“WHAT? TO THE CAPITAL? DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?”

“danish apparently swallowed something bad for him but hes gonna be alright. she just has to get him into the vet er today.”

“OH MY GOD!!”

“ill be home whenever. ill keep you posted on danishs status tho.”

“OKAY. BUT JUST BE CAREFUL PAPS.”

“will do”

By the time Papyrus had gotten to Muffet's, the night hours were just about to start. When he walked in, Danish had already been whining in his cage, while Muffet's spiders were helping her bundle up. “Pappy, dear! Thank you for coming on such short notice.” “Hey, Muffet. What all do ya need me to do?” He asked, sitting kneeling down to look at poor, frightened Danish. “Hey buddy, you alright?” He asked, noting how the poor pet didn't have nearly as much energy and zeal to try to escape as he usually did when he was placed in a cage. Danish merely whined a response, prompting the skeleton to reach his hand in the cage and comfort the pastry pet. “There's not much for you to do. I've already gotten everything set up for the most part, and the spider's will take care of everything for you.” “Then why do you need me here?”He asked, removing his bony hand from the cage.

“All you need to do is watch over the people here, and make sure nobody gets into fights, the place doesn't catch on fire, etc. Just make sure nobody gets hurt and nothing gets broken.” She informed, grabbing her purse. “Okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it.”

“You may have one drink while I'm gone.” She told him, holding up an index finger, as if to stress the point.

“Just one?! But you said-”

“I said I'd give you free drinks for the rest of the night. That starts once I get back to supervise you!”

“Muffet, I'm twenty-four! I-”

“Yet you still can't drink responsibly.” She scolded. “Sweetie, you need to keep your wits about you when you watch over the shop. I don't want anyone getting hurt, least of all you!”

“Alright, alright, fine.” He conceded, not too happy about the limitation in drinks.

“One drink. That's it. And trust me, I will know if you have more than that.” She warned, picking up Danish's cage. “I love you.”

“Love you too, Muffet.” He said, giving her a quick hug. “Be safe, okay? Don't get too cold out there.” Muffet gave the skeleton a quick peck on his cheekbone,before heading out the door.

“I won't.” She reassured as Papyrus handed her the scarf she nearly left on the table. “I'll be back in about four hours if the elevator's working. Five if the ER is busy.” She informed as she walked out the door.

As soon as she left, Papyrus slumped down into his usual spot at the bar. It was too early to drink, so he just sat at the bar with his honey, sipping away at the squeezy bottle, eyeing and considering the drinks that he'd try later. One particular bottle that he'd had been meaning to try for almost a year now. Paps watched the costumers fill in, getting their drinks from the spiders, which wasn't too uncommon, Muffet usually just took the orders and washed the glasses during these hours. He had to admit that he was incredibly bored without anyone to talk to, so he shot a few texts to Undyne, but he got no response. It didn't take him long to shoot a text to his brother.

“this is boring.” He took another sip from his squeezy bottle, but only to find that it was empty. He started to consider having that drink when a spider gave him a new bottle of honey that was shaped like a little teddy bear. He quickly recognized this particular spider, and him a smile. “Thanks, Gerald.” He said, holding out his hand for Gerald to crawl in, affectionately.

Although, he got scared and ran away when Paps' phone went off when Sans texted him back.

“HOW CAN YOU BE BORED, BROTHER? YOU LOVE MUFFET'S.” He sighed.

“you scared gerald.” He sent, already working on his explanation. “and im bored because theres no one to talk to. i love talking to muffet but shes not here and im boooorrreeeedddd!”

“OOPS TELL HIM I'M SORRY!” Sans texted back, sending another text as soon as he got Paps' other message. “DO YOU WANT ME TO COME OVER? I'M WITH ALPHYS RIGHT NOW, BUT I CAN HEAD OVER AFTER MY LESSONS.”

“nah bro. i know how much your show means to you and I wouldnt want you to miss it. but I wouldnt mind the company after napstons show.”

“ARE YOU SURE, BROTHER? IT'S A TWO-HOUR SPECIAL.”

“then forget it. muffet should be back by then anyway. ill see you when i see you.”

“OKAY...”

“i promise you its fine bro. ill tell reginald you said hi.”

“OKAY. SEE YOU TONIGHT!” Well that bought him some entertainment for a few minutes.

He checked for new messages from Undyne, but frowned when he saw none. It worried him.

“hey fish face you okay?” She could have just been busy, but there had been days were she'd seemed a bit hopeless... He checked the clock on his phone. Eleven thirty.

“Alright. It's as good a time as ever, I guess.” He grinned. He decided to try that bottle on the top shelf. “Hey, Gerald. Can you hand me that bottle up there?” He asked, pointing to the desired booze. The spider happily scurried up the wall and carefully slid the bottle down the web, letting Papyrus grab the heavy bottle about half-way to the counter. “Thanks, pal. Now let's see the alcohol content.” He said, with every intention of heeding Muffet's orders. He squinted his eyes, trying to read the fine print on the bottle,but to no avail. If he wanted to read the contents, he'd need to wear his glasses. 'Not worth it', he thought. He grabbed himself a tall beer glass, and put his hand on the top of the bottle, ready to twist it open, when a spider waved his arms for Papyrus to stop. “What's the matter?” He asked. The spider shook an arm, as if to say no. “Oh lay off, Reginald. You're such a buzz kill.” He says, twisting the cap off, and pouring the bottle's contents into the glass. Muffet said he could have one drink, but she never said what size after all. “I'm sure it can't be that bad.” He smiled, bringing the glass in close to drink from it. He'd had a high alcohol tolerance from drinking so much since high school. “Oh, and Sans says hi.” He took a sip, and his eye sockets widened, he nearly choked, feeling the alcohol's strength. “Wooo boy, that's a bit stronger than I expected.” He admitted, but it tasted really good. A bit more on the bitter side, but it was surprisingly tasty in his opinion, as someone who liked sweet drinks much more. He couldn't help but take another sip, a bit bigger than the last, and a bit more satisfying as well. He gave a drunken chuckle, the effects of the strong booze already taking effect on the skeleton, who hadn't eaten since lunch. Even to someone who hadn't grown up with the spider, anyone could tell that he face palmed.

Shortly after, a figure came over and sat next to Pap.

“So, you still hang around here?”

“Oh, hey Crash!” He chimed, clearly drunk, otherwise he wouldn't have greeted him so happily. Crash was an old friend of his in high school. More specifically, he was the lead guitarist in their old band. But they had a huge fight two months before they graduated, and Paps quit the band, leaving X Bones without a drummer, or a skeleton.

“Wow, you seem pretty drunk. Can I get whatever the fuck he's got?” The spider visibly sighed, almost deflating as he grabbed the glass that was intended for such a drink, an average shot glass. “No way, I want it in that glass.”

“Ooooh boy, I wouldn't buddy. This stuff's really strong!” Papyrus warned, already slurring his words. “In fact, you can just have the rest of this.” He said, sliding the half-empty beer glass his way. Normally he wouldn't give up such a good drink, but he was just barely sober enough to remember that he needed to be just a bit responsible.

“Wow, thanks, old buddy. How's it taste?”

“Oh my God, it's so good!!” He praised, seemingly forgetting why exactly he stopped hanging around Crash, who quickly took a gulp of the drink.

“Holy shit, you weren't kidding about the strength. But this shit is good though.”

“Right? So how's Mae? Last time I saw you, you guys were dating?” Papyrus slurred.

“Mae's just as beautiful as she was in high school. Why, still jealous?”

“Nah, dude. I'm content with my family.”

“Hahaha! Right. You still a virgin?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“And how's your stupid brother? Still a wet blanket?” Papyrus suddenly gave the other a glare.

“Sans is not a wet blanket.”

“Oh, so he's drinking now?” Papyrus was quiet for a second.

“Lemme rephrase. He never was a wet blanket. He was just smarter than the dumbasses who decided to start smoking in the first place.”

“Wow, you really haven't changed have you?” Crash laughed. “So my guess is that you've quit? How fucking lame.” Paps blushed, absolutely humiliated at the fact that he hadn't.

“Sh-shut up! You're the asshole that got me addicted in the first place!”

“Ahahahahaha! So you haven't yet?! And you're getting mad at me?” He took another gulp of his booze. “And is your brother still an idiot who doesn't understand this world?”

“Shut the fuck up! My brother is not stupid!!”

“Paps, c'mon. I've seen your brother. He is a complete dumbass.” Paps stood, forming a small bone bullet in his fist, but did nothing else. However, he kept the bone in his hand. It was all he could do to stop himself from firing the Gaster Blasters.

“Listen to me: My brother is not a dumbass. He was smart enough to not get addicted to drugs, or to smoking, or to drinking. He probably has more intelligence in his phalanges than you do in your entire body. Now, if you're as smart as you claim, you'll get out of this bar.”

“Are you threatening me?” Crash growled. “Because your brother is not as smart as you think, whether you like it or not. After all, he did have the cigarette in his hand.”

“That's it. It's not an option anymore. Get out of the bar. Now!”

“Heh heh heh heh heh! What are you gonna do about it, hm?” Papyrus grabbed Crash's wrist, very forcefully, and started dragging him towards the door. Crash, didn't take too kindly to this, and used a magic attack to scratch his skull, grabbing the attention of everyone else in the bar. “Let go of me! What right do you have?!”

“The right that I am the owner's son. And she left me in charge. And I'm kicking you out!”

“The owner's son?! That's a laugh! She's not your real mom, and you know it.” Paps grabbed his other arm forcefully, and tried to put them behind his back, but Crash merely broke free, and punched him in the chest, knocking the skeleton over. Papyrus quickly stood up, angry and fueled by the whiskey. He was through playing around. He threw a punch to his shoulder, sinking nearly all of his weight into his fist, hitting his shoulder. Crash, who was clearly much better at fighting, threw a direct punch to his spine, forcing Paps to keel over. He spawned three bones, and hurled them at Crash, who couldn't get out of the way in time. Crash merely threw out a needle attack, several of the syringe bullets piercing Papyrus' bones, forcing him to yelp in pain. Whether he liked it or not, Crash was a heavy hitter, so Paps quickly realized that he couldn't take anymore hits like that. He pulled the needles out, ignoring the blood that the pricks left. Bones lined up behind him. “Get out of this bar, jack ass!” He screamed, flinging the bones his way.

“Make me!” Crash snarled, showing his fangs, as he ducked down on all fours, lunging at the skeleton, and letting his bone attacks hit and destroy the table behind him. Paps made a row of blue bones, and stepped out of the way, only hurting Crash more, as he was unable to stop in mid air. “How did you-”

“Last warning. Get. Out.” Paps warned, spawning another bone in his hand. Crash suddenly lunged at Paps again, pinning the skeleton he knocked over to the ground. He began repeatedly punching him, almost mercilessly, before Papyrus managed to grab a hold of the bone he dropped, and knock him in the side of the head. He quickly stood, panting and feeling the cuts and bruises on his skull. He looked down at his hand, noting the blood on his hand, which only freaked him out, reminding him of his final moments in Judgment Hall. He quickly looked down at Crash, who he'd just knocked out. “...Shit...” He felt really bad. About everything that just happened. “S-sorry guys...Muffet's gonna be pissed.” HE said to the Spiders, who'd all gone into hiding since the fight began.

Crash suddenly stood, pissed as hell. “Just get out of here, okay. I don't want anyone else to get hurt!” Crash growled, bleeding heavily from the head. Saying nothing he punched Papyrus dead in the face, knocking him out. Once he was on the ground, he finished off his whiskey, and stumbled out of the bar, taking the glass with him.

The spiders quickly scurried around, panicking as they tried to rush everyone out and close the bar. They wouldn't be able to contact Muffet, and they couldn't speak on the phone, yet still they tried to call Sans in the hopes that he would realize something was wrong and come over.

#Underswap #Bar Fight #Neutral Ending #Violence #Open Starter #Drabble

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