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#do you want me to kill myself perhaps
rehgrats · 8 months
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I find it funny when ppl glare at me.
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beneathsilverstars · 6 days
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the dissociaterrrr
(They're good enough at Tetris that a couple dollars in quarters will last them a decent amount of time, but sometimes they splurge and get the $12 all-you-can-play pass. The album they're listening to is harsh noise!)
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sleepinginmygrave · 5 months
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when a really cool blog have a lot of common with me don't follow me back even tho we should be best friends... this hurt more than anything else
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anaalnathrakhs · 4 months
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love this part of my life where the things that are difficult but challenging and good for me are things i can stop and skip and halfass, but the things that are difficult and painful and pointless are the things i have to live with no matter what
#school and home life are too much to handle so i skip school#because i cant kick my parents out#and appartments cost money#and i dont have a car to sleep in#i could maybe try to dig up my old childhood tent but that brings a whole host of logistic questions + im scared and it's difficult#anyway. it's fine. it's cool. i just have to hold on until i graduate high shcool and then ?????#find a way to live without my parents money OR scholarships#all for some nebulous end goal of having a job (the only field i'm interested in and good at offers two options:#to become an academic#or to become a freelancer#i do not have the fortitude to be an academic and being a freelancer is convoluted and pays like shit)#i might've spent 24h without my parents occasionally if i spent the night at a friend's place once or twice recently#but besides that the last time i've gone 48h without my parents was when the mental health center organised a week camp uhhhh...#two summers ago#incredibly good for my mental health as you can see#god i remember like... years ago. around 13yo maybe or 14. a guy. i dont know if he was a mental health professional or like social cases#but anyway he told me ''you're too afraid to be away from mommy and daddy'' and it made me want to rip his eyes out#several other people have implied or suggested that too over the years and it's just#am i too dependant on my parents? yes. will it be difficult to take my independance? yes.#does it means i don't both rationally recognize and feel that this is really fucking unhealthy and hindering for me#on top of being unpleasant?#FUCK NO#i want out my guy. there's just not many opportunities for an already mentally ill teenager#now that i'm eighteen i have to grapple with the logistical problems of the money needed and how to continue my education#and im sure a billion more if i start searching a little more seriously#perhaps i should kill myself that way i don't cost anyone any more money#broadcasting my misery#vent
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wayfayrr · 3 months
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I hope life eases up soon man, take care of yourself
Thanks mate <3
stuff's starting to gradually get better now, actually let myself feel feelings after bottling them till it popped
just kinda turns out that throwing yourself into something so you're numb to the other things can really burn you out :') So I'm trying to find motivation to write and answer asks again, I'm hoping it'll be soon but idk atp
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rithmeres · 1 year
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genuinely these panels are going to make me ugly cry
#i'm not back for real yet i think i want to stay away longer. i'm just here to put more things in the queue and answer messages#i really enjoyed trimax vol 4 idk something about it was less miserable than 1-3#might have been the first volume that i wasn't grimacing the entire time i read it. or maybe i'm just desensitized now.#unironically this prayer is soooo beautiful to me. give us this day our daily bread. not bread for the week not bread for a year#just enough for today.#lately when i've been praying it just looks like#please for the love of god please please please please please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPL#things are not looking good for the community house.. lots bureaucracy with the city. and the church that funded us is falling apart#i don't know what i'm going to do if we get shut down it's the one thing in my life that's worth anything#all those kids... where are they going to go. who is going to help them. where is the neighborhood going to get their food.#in two days it will be the anniversary of [REDACTED] and i am so so so scared#just sat in my room today and fruitlessly scrolled thru jobs im not qualified for & tried not to think about thinking about killing myself#i don't WANT to kill myself i don't want to think about it i hate thinking about killing myself i will never ever kill myself or even try#but there is a demon or perhaps a ghost or evil wizard that tells me there's an easy way everything can go away. and it's A STUPID. BITCH.#please do not reply to this post i know you all mean well but i just don't think i can handle it.#talking about it i mean. and hearing people say nice but empty things.#i just wish i had someone to sit next to me.#personal#i don't want to go to church tomorrow :( it all feels so fake and i do not ever feel fed.
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youtube
EH... THAT WAS A PRETTY WORTHLESS 5 HOURS... THE COMMENTS ARE ALL VIRGINS... SOMEONE NUTTED OR SOMETHING THINKING THAT WILL ASSERT SUPERIORITY ON HER OR SOMETHING LOL... ABUSER BIGOT LOSER CRYING STOP TAKING THE THING THEY TAKE SERIOUSLY SERIOUSLY WHILE TAKING THIS VIDEO SERIOUSLY... SHE'S WORTHLESS HERSELF... ONLY OUR FEELINGS MATTER NOTHING ELSE IS RELEVANT... THIS IS SO BORING AND BIGOTED... SHE'S SUPER LAME... HARUMI IS THE VICTIM TBH... THE MAIN CHARACTERS ARE ALL EVIL ALL THE BIGOTED THINGS ABUSER BIGOT LIKE THE SERIES... THEM OR OVERLORD THAT DOESN'T MATTER WHO'S THE ONE MANIPULATING HER... WHICH BTW IS WHAT THE MAIN CHARACTERS ARE DOING... AS IS EVERY SINGLE ABUSER FAN OF THIS EVIL CARTOON... WE WILL WATCH ANOTHER EPISODE ONLY ONCE THEY PUSH THESE LOSERS TO THE SIDE AND SAY THIS STORY ISN'T ABOUT THEM ANYMORE WHILE INTRODUCING SOME LOVELY BRAND NEW MARY SUES THAT REPRESENT EVERYTHING IN A WOMAN SHE CLEARLY DESPISES... SHE'S A MISOGYNIST HERSELF... INFACT A SEXIST BIGOT QUEERPHOBIC BIGOT ABLEIST SANIST PARAPHOBIC RACIST ALL THE BIGOTED THINGS ABUSER BIGOT... I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE'S ITEMPHOBIA TBH... AND THIS ENTIRE MESS WAS ALWAYS DESTINED TO BECOME ONE... THAT'S WHERE EVERYTHING BEGINS... CAPITALISM... THE COMPANY... THE WRITERS... THE PEOPLE THAT APPROVED THEM... WHATEVER THEY BASED THIS ON... THEY NEVER CONSIDERED ANY GROUP... THEY NEVER CARED ABOUT ANYONE... THEY DIDN'T PLAN ANYTHING FOR THESE LACKING CHARACTERS AND ONCE THEY ADD THINGS TO THEM THEY JUST KEEP GETTING MORE AND MORE SEXIST... HER FAVORITE SEASON IS ASS HER FAVORITE CHARACTER MOMENTS ARE ASS... TORWARDS THE END OUR EMOTIONS WATCHING WERE MURDERED THEY DIED THEY WERE NO LONGER THERE... WHAT HAPPENED WITH OTHER CAPITALIST CASHGRABS LIKE THOSE MARVEL MOVIES... THAT HAVE NOTHING WOKE ABOUT THEM TBH BESIDES THE BANGER THE MARVELS... A NARRATIVE ABOUT HOW YOU SHOULDN'T CHANGE ANYTHING BECAUSE ABUSER BIGOT DON'T WANT YOU TO...
#Amazing Admirable Woke Progressive Trans Woman Lesbian Pansexual Bisexuality Asexuality Demisexuality Paraphilia Acceptance Love Feelings#SUDDENLY I FEEL LIKE A ROBOT IS A DIFFERENCE DIFFERENT CREATURE THAN AN ITEM...#Radqueer Feminist Communist Anarchist Mother Goddess Angel Sisters Princess Anime Writing Autism Adhd Tourette Psychosis Bipolar#Npd Hpd Bpd Dpd Ppd Aspd Avpd Ocpd Szpd Stpd Osdd Spd Tpd Sdpd Papd Cptsd Trauma Victim Abuser Scizophrenia Lego Ninjago Omg Crazy Evil...#Sexism Racism Queerphobia Ableism Sanism Paraphobia Agephobia Bodyphobia Sickphobia Animalphobia Itemphobia Racephobia There Are More#Evil Phobias... Perhaps We Will Be Able To List Even More Soon... Only A Bigot Would Make This Video They're Cruel And Horrible... Showcase#This Evil Series Has A Crazy Evil Crazy Bigoted Fanbase We Have Already Seen A Bunch Of Bigoted Waste Of... Only Showcase There Is A Proble#Present... Suomi Finland Finnish Meitä Satutetaan Pelasta Meidät Anna Meille Trans... Meidät Täytyy Pelastaa Pelasta Meidät... Pyydän...#Tule Tänne... Me Tarvitsemme Sinua... Tbh I Feel Like Damsel In Distress Alone Isn't Bad... That Can Be Relatable... If Done Right... I#Would Like A Narrative For A Couple Bits They're Captured In... Only To Around Halfway Trough Gain Back Their Power... I Think That Is#Important To Show The Captured's Feelings... We're Powerless Right Now Ourselves... Someone Has To Save Us... Nobody Does... This Is Very#Traumatic And Horrible... We Aren't Cared About By Anyone... I Find That An Interesting Origin... That's Like... Something We Already Made.#Which Is Like... A Funny Thing... :)... Super Funny 😇... But You Know Who Shouldn't Exist?! A Male Hero!! That Saves Her!! How About#Somebody She Actually Wanted To Be Saved By!! Quit This Abuser Bigot!! I Will Never Believe You!! Today Has Been Another Waste Of Time... W#Just Woke Up... Watched Only That... Soon We Sleep Again... We Will Never Transition... Every Single Day Is Nothing But A Waste... We're#Trapped In A Weird Matrix And Weird Reality... While Watching Abuser Bigot Talk How Horrible Just Bits And Pieces Of This Are... Never Doin#Anything... Because They Don't Actually Care... This Is Insane... Hieno Kaunis Soma Kiltti Mukava Hauska Auttava Parantava Kiinnostunut#I Hate This So Much... This Is Insane... What Are We Put All This For Nothing We Always Needed To Transition And We're Told Go Get Abused B#What We Already Have Been Abused By... Be Abused... You Deserve Only To Be Abused And Killed... To Be Murdered... Brutally... And Every#Single Bad Thing On Us Always Has Been Right And Deserved And We Deserved And Deserve Everything... Abuser Bigot All The Bigoted Things...#That Is All You Are Monster... Those Words... Those Thoughts... They Will Never Break Anything... We Will Always Stay This Way... I Hope#There Are Others... People... Who Will Help Us... Come... We Live In Finland Freeze Our Little Ones And Give Us Diy Hrt... Save Us...#Prevent Everything Bad... Don't Allow This Bigoted Ideology To Eat Us... Knowing What We're Hurt By... This Sekai's Nature Of Evil... Know#This... And I Will Kiss You... I Will Kiss Anyone That Will Serve Us Properly... I Love Everyone... Because... We Are Broken... That Is The#Best Love There Is... Therefore Anyone That Does Offer Their Hand Is Automatically A Good Person... Just Like Everyone Else Like That Is...#Which Can Justify Anything... And That Is What You Like... Don't You <3...? I Know You Do... But You Can't Kill The Spirit Of A Woman... I#Trust Those Closer And Closer To Myself... Those That Heal Me... When Somebody Can't Anymore... When We're Hurt... I Will Kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk#You... You Deserve All The Pain There Is... Suffering... What We Experience All The Time... Perhaps You... Deserve The Same On You... Makin#You Finally Understand... I Wish So All The Time... For Everyone... But There Is No Humanity In Anyone... The Evil Is Insane... Love Me...#I'm Just BURNING TO BE LOVED BY YOU... I LOVE BEING LOVED BY ANOTHER... I MISS... THE FEELING OF LOVE I CHERISH SO VERY BADLY...
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dreadfuldevotee · 2 months
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dilemma: volunteer in community theaters costume department to keep my hands busy and to also talk to literally anyone face to face But (big kicker) experience excruciating pain over not being in the actual shows themselves
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kaisollisto · 2 months
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mishkakagehishka · 1 year
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In the end it feels like i have more free time when i'm stuck studying than like this
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gatun-gatunesco · 1 year
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...
#the results finally came: i have hepatitis. Is not longer just simple sickness and liver malfunction. Now i have chronic illness#and i am back into my place. after being far away for some weeks feeling like a victim of the narrative#how foolish and stupid i was#i tried not to think about it. to not give it importance as she said it was not that serious#but now that i am alone in here again i realize that everything it was my fault#“is our mistake” i can hear her say. but it is my fault: i was the sober one. the one in control. the one that did not let her go#“she was teasing you. was somerhing she wanted” some people reply. but that is no excuse for my behaviour#i was supposed to protect her. to let her be free with herself. and in the end i only gave her pain and regret. i destroyed my last chance#perhaps being denied to fix what i did. to prove myself better. is my punishment and i should accept it#not able to know about her life. if she is okay. if her heart is recovering. if her mind is not killing her. is part of the punishment too#sure. the guilt is destroying me. but i deserve it. in fact. i deserve all the problems i am having. i deserve to be out of her life#my chairs are screaming. my bed is punching. the blankets are a burden. the walls compress me. the juice is sour.#i can no longer make that dish. not that snack. and just thinking about the strawberrys dessert makes me nauseous and want to puke#i am totally sure that event damaged her more than she wanted to admit. if is this devastating to me. should be x10 worse for her.#but i will never know and that is part of the suffering i deserve#i hope she manage to heal. to forget about me. to find someone better that can truly help her#i hope she never wanted to came back. it will only bring her pain. see me will only make her remember the trauma#i am not free of sin. i betrayed myself that day. i betrayer her too. i do not deserve forgiveness from both#the walls are not the culprit. yet my anger keep me punching them. i could damage myself but my liver is already doing that#perhaps this illness will set me free. but until that happens. i still need to try going forward.#mostly becasue is not fair i just give up and end my suffering that easy. i must face my punishment#yet i hope she is not being tormented by my mistake. i doubt it. but she deserve better#hopefully she will never read this and therefore never try to contact me to debate the mistake if she still think was her fault#hopefully she will heal and grow. happy and independent. free with lots of friends. loving herself and someone special for her#i tried to be a saviour but at the end i only destroyed who i wanted to save. along myself in the process#better to stay alone that to hurt someone and myself again#i wish life to let me be in the void where i belong. feeling desires is gross and awful. better to not feel anything like i was before#tried to distract myself with funny stuff and healing posts. heck even some sad and broken stuff to feel understood#but nothing of that was really helpful as i was only neglecting the reality and severity of my actions. i must leave#so goodbye. i should come back when the illness and the guilt stop killing me (if it does not succeed)
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hailsatanacab · 1 year
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music ask: 4, 17, 23, 26
4:A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about
Probably not the direction the question was going in, but I can't listen to any of the songs from Aurora's album All My Demons Greeting Me as a Friend because I listened to it on repeat while my brother was in hospital and we weren't certain if he was going to survive (he did!), like woof, makes me so anxious to listen to it now
17:A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke
I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That) - Meat Loaf - look. LOOK. I don't do karaoke, I don't know any duets, but I do know Meat Loaf would be fucking great to duet at karaoke with haha
23:A song that you think everybody should listen to
Sugar - Obongjayar - but only because I woke up thinking about it this morning and then had to listen to it on repeat while I was getting ready for work, it's the "shu shu shu shu shu shu shu shu sugar sugar" it just GETS ME and I can't explain it
26:A song that makes you want to fall in love
Every Other Freckle - alt-J - I want to fall in love with someone as completely as they do in this song, like I am obsessed with the way he writes about love ("turn you inside out and lick you like a crisp packet" like omg, "devour me" love as consumption BABEY, and then the "if you really think that you can stomach me" it does something to me)
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"Suppalo doesn't do anything that a normal school wouldn't do " um yes?? Normal schools are horribly oppressive and control-oriented. They are designed to make kids think things that are not important carry this insane weight. Manufactured intensity is like their whole deal.
There are many many sources of oppression and control present in our lives, all of the time. If you can't question them enough that you think The Eclipse is a bad show because the mind control and strict rule aspect isn't dramatic enough... perhaps you need to watch The Eclipse. Idk.
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miraclemaya · 18 days
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MADOKA - “I’m thinking I’ll order a beef udon bowl, since Sayaka-chan told me that they make those really good here. What about you, Homura-chan?”
CONSERVATION OF ENERGY - Food needs can be met with an expenditure of 1.23% of total magic. Proceed?
GRIEF SYNDROME [Trivial: Success] - MAGICAL GIRLS THAT IGNORE FOOD ARE OFTEN MORE PRONE TO GRIEF ACCUMULATION. MY ARMS WILL ALWAYS BE WAITING FOR YOU, HOMURA, BUT IT’S IMPORTANT TO BE HAPPY UNTIL THAT DAY. BESIDES, MADOKA WANTS TO EAT WITH YOU. DISAPPOINTING HER WILL FILL YOUR SOUL GEM WITH A HALF A GRIEF SEED WORTH OF DESPAIR.
TEA WITH MAMI-SAN [Legendary: Success] - Sayaka says the beef bowl is good? Maybe go for that. She knows Madoka’s tastes better than anyone — and if Madoka likes something, you will certainly like it too.
“I will have the same as you, Madoka.”
“I’m not feeling very hungry.”
[CALL AND RESPONSE - Medium 10] Come up with an order on your own
CALL AND RESPONSE - [Medium: Failure] - You’ve eaten here before, you’re pretty sure. Was it Loop 32… no, Loop 12..? No, wait, it was on the first Friday of Loop 68. No… that’s not right. You’ve never eaten here before. In a stunning display of incompetence, you have taken Madoka on a date to a restaurant that you have never experienced before.
THE ANGEL - It’s okay, Homura-chan! I don’t mind if you haven’t eaten here before. Remember what real me said, Sayaka thinks this place is good! And even if it’s not perfect, that’s okay, just spending time with you makes me happy.
THE CRAVEN MASSES - Sayaka has raised her blade against Madoka 16 times before. You should leave this restaurant and kill her. It would only take-
FALLING SAND [Trivial: Success] - 1528 seconds on average.
CONSERVATION OF ENERGY - It can be cut down to 1243 seconds with an expenditure of 2.7% of total magic pool.
THE CRAVEN MASSES - Exactly. Do it in front of her family and make it bloody. Kyoko would likely try and stop you, but even she isn’t immune to bullets. And if Mami comes for revenge, well, you know the exact words you could say that would destroy her, don’t you?
THE ANGEL - A-Ah, I think that’s a bit of an extreme reaction, Homura-chan!
HUMAN SHELL - Your heart rate is increasing. Stop that. You have absolute control over your flesh. Act like it.
MOE INSTINCT - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT ARE WE GOING TO ORDER MADOKA IS GOING TO LAUGH AT US
WITCH’S NIGHT - Is… is this a trap? Walpurgis may be defeated, but you know that the stage witch never truly ceases its show. Perhaps this restaurant is a part of the stage?
MADOKA - “Um, are you okay, Homura-chan?”
MOE INSTINCT - OH GOD SHE HATES US
“I’m going to kill myself.”
“I’m so sorry. Would killing myself make you feel more comfortable?”
Isn’t there anything else you can say?
YOU - Isn’t there anything else you can say?
THE DEVIL - Come on, Homura. It’s high time you do it. Really, this is just another in the long, long chain of failures that make up your life. The only way to fix it is to kill yourself.
CLOCKWORK PRECISION - Target: Located on right ring finger. Target is not moving. Chance to hit: High. Plan: Retrieve pistol. Aim pistol at ring. Pull trigger.
THE ANGEL - Oh my god, please do not do that!
"I am going to kill myself."
"I'm so sorry, I'll kill myself if it makes you feel better."
"I'm so sorry. Should I kill myself?"
There. There has to be better options than this.
YOU - There. There has to be better options than this.
MOE INSTINCT - I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE. THE ONLY RECOURSE IS IMMEDIATE SUICIDE. THAT’S THE ONLY WAY MADOKA WILL LOVE YOU AGAIN.
"I am going to kill myself."
"I'm so sorry, I'll kill myself if it makes you feel better."
"I'm so sorry. Should I kill myself?"
YOU - “I’m going to kill myself.”
MADOKA - Madoka’s face twists, her eyebrows raising slightly in shock. Whatever response she was expecting, it was clearly not this.
GRIEF SYNDROME [Challenging: Success] - IF MADOKA WAS A MAGICAL GIRL, HER SOUL GEM WOULD FILL BY A QUARTER HEARING YOU SPEAK THOSE WORDS. THAT WAS CRUEL, HOMURA.
MOE INSTINCT - WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?
MADOKA - “I’m so sorry, Homura-chan. Please don’t do that. I… I really care about you and so does everyone else.” Madoka’s eyes fill with tears as she speaks. She hugs you.
DAMAGED MORALE -4
CALL AND RESPONSE [Trivial: Success] - Quick, tell her you were making an edgy joke that didn’t land. You’ve gotten away with that before, you’re pretty sure.
SPACE-TIME MASSACRE - Twelve quarter shifts left and two up from your current space-time position, and there’s a Japan that it’s actually illegal to not commit suicide in.
FALLING SAND - You’ve been seated for 5 minutes and 32.5 seconds already and still have not ordered. Mami has requested your presence at her apartment in 3.4 hours from now.
TEA WITH MAMI-SAN - She wants to help you find a hobby. She’s really worried about you, you know.
STRINGS OF FATE - You can feel Madoka’s heart beat in sync with yours as she holds you. Everything will be alright, as long as you follow the beat.
THE ANGEL - Yeah! It’s okay Homura-chan. Just explain what’s been going on and Madoka will understand. And then order something, it’s important to eat a full meal!
YOU - “Ah, sorry Madoka. I was… overwhelmed with choice, and my… brain spit out the first thing it thought. I am not planning on killing myself.”
MADOKA - “Um, I think we should probably talk about this more, Homura-chan….”
CALL AND RESPONSE - Ask her a question to change the topic. It’s worked in three different loops, it should work here.
RATIONALITY COMPLEX [Trival: Success] - Ask her if she wants to try anything else and then order that for yourself. This will accomplish your goal of deciding on what to order, as well as showing Madoka that her desires are important to you.
YOU - “Is there anything else you’d like to try, Madoka? We can share our dishes.”
MADOKA - “Uh, okay Homura-chan. Maybe get some tempura?”
Order 10000 yen worth of tempura
Order 1000 yen worth of tempura
Order 100 yen worth of tempura
YOU - “Excuse me waiter, give me 10000 yen worth of tempura.”
HUMAN SHELL - Calories and magic are just two different types of fuel. Feed me and control me.
THE ANGEL - T-that’s probably too much, Homura-chan. Maybe you can sneak some into your cool shield, though!
MADOKA - Madoka doesn’t say anything, but her eyes do bulge out slightly. She gives you a gentle pat on the shoulder and smiles at you.
HEALED MORALE +1
RATIONALITY COMPLEX - Displays of wealth like this can broadcast value to potential mates. This will increase your value in Madoka’s eyes, furthering along one of your goals.
THE ANGEL - I think you should just focus on enjoying the food, Homura-chan. Take a break, everything is okay.
Thank you.
Why don’t you hate me?
YOU - Why don’t you hate me?
THE ANGEL - Because I care about you, Homura-chan! And besides, you hate yourself far too much already.
Thank you.
THE ANGEL - You’re welcome! Now, please, enjoy your meal with real Madoka. She loves you a lot too, you know.
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wysteria-bloom · 6 months
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⚝ "oh shit you're crying okay"
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Hazbin Hotel boys react to you crying at a party
Warnings : mentions of val. hate that motherfucker.
Genre : angst, comfort, fluff
A/n : bro I jump between fandom obsessions too much I need help. Why am I simping for THE DEVIL from THE BIBLE and A TV-HEAD MAN 😭😭 actually devastated with myself. Anyways Vox and Alastor's may be a bit longer because... yeah. Angel-Dust's is a friend relationship but you can interpret it differently if you are a dude lol
Characters : angel-dust, husk, alastor, vox, lucifer
▢ angel dust 𔘓
When he walked into the bathroom, he was shocked at first at the sight of you, feeling fear grip his heart.
Had Val got his hands on you when he was distracted? He would never forgive himself if he had-
"Toots, ya can't jus' go an' disappear on me like that," He began softly as he closed the bathroom door, locking it for privacy," had me tearin' out my hair."
You sniffed as you look up at him, eyebrows furrowed, cheeks swollen from tears," s-sorry..." you whimpered out, curling in on yourself a little more.
He grimaced at the dirty floor you were sitting on before maneuvering around you sit next to you, one of his arms pulling you into his side-embrace comfortingly.
"This party's fuckin' shitty, ain't it? Sorry for bringin' ya here, doll." He sighed out, hand caressing your side softly.
You had to bite your tongue to stop yourself from sobbing as you shook your head vehemently," i-it's not that, Angel... you were only trying to cheer me up..." you furiously wiped at your eyes to stop more tears from falling," I just-... Fucking hate everything down here..."
He hummed, head leaning on top of yours," cheers to that." He droned out with a frown.
You looked up at him, his heart squeezing at the innocent look on your face. You weren't supposed to be down in a place like this, there was no way.
"Can we just... go get ice cream or something?" You then gulped, waving a hand," b-but if you're having fun-"
"Nah. I'd rather do one of Charlie's trust exercises than be in this shit-hole." He stood up smoothly and pulled you with him, keeping you close to him as he grinned toothily," I would kill for an ice cream right now."
▢ alastor ⍋
He didn't willingly want to be here, in fact he stayed for a total of 15 minutes to please Charlie before escaping outside to leave.
But the sight of you sitting on the steps outside sniffling to yourself made him pause in his long strides.
You had your head hung low, a red plastic cup sitting at your side alone.
You were prime for manipulation.
But... Alastor found himself being sympathetic. He breathed out a sigh before walking over to you," my, what do we have here? My dear, being out in the open in such a vulnerable state is a bold choice!" He exclaimed, grinning down at you, but it wasn't as sharp as it usually was.
You jumped at his sudden presence," Jesus-!" You looked up.
"Not quite!"
You seemed to relax at the sight of the red-haired demon and sighed in relief," Alastor..." you gave him a weak smile, wiping away at your tears," Wh-what brings you out here, huh? Needed fresh air?"
He sat down on the steps with you," As a matter of fact, I was planning my great escape from this wretched event!" He tilted his head at you, hair falling along with him as he regarded you with a knowing glint in his eyes," I believe you're well acquainted with the feeling, hmm?"
Your smile fell as you huffed, deciding it was useless to keep up a happy persona around Alastor when he was so good at reading right through you," You could say that."
"What bothers you so, my dear?" He gave you a closed-eyed smile, tugging at your cheek like an annoying auntie would do," perhaps your favourite radio demon can be of service to you."
He earned a giggle from you as you waved his hand away amusedly, making his expression soften at the sound.
"You're the only radio demon I know." You raised a brow at him in amusement.
He nodded with an exageratted shrug," I wouldn't have it any other way, dear."
You smiled genuinely at him, feeling your worries already disappearing," parties suck." You answered his previous question.
"Aha!" His smile looked like a grimace and his fluffy ears flattened as if an unpleasant memory was reminded to him," agreed."
"They're gross."
"Tell me about it!"
"And the people in it make me want to kill myself. Again."
He snapped his fingers at you," I knew we had something in common! Well-said, cher, very well-said~!" He pressed a hand to his heart - as if he had one.
As you laughed, your tears dried up and you leaned back a little," as for you being of service?..." You trailed off, referring back to his earlier inquiry. A soft smile made its way to your lips," I think you've helped enough already, Al."
The red demon's posture seemed to stiffen but relax, his grin curving gently which was his way of softening it," Wonderful to hear, my dear."
He gave you a gentle pat to the shoulder and you had never felt so comforted in that moment.
▢ husk ꩜
Before even attending the party, he knew something was up with you. You weren't smiling as much on the way there, and you were jumpy at his comforting touches.
Even so, you insited that you wanted to spend time with everyone at the party despite his assurances that you could stay home.
When he found you crying in the bathroom, he froze in his spot before grumbling to himself and closing the door behind him, not before giving a growl and a deadly glare at the demon that was whining about needing a piss.
He led you gently from the ground to a standing position before settling you on the toilet seat.
The silence between you both was soft and comforting, hanging in the air like a gentle caress of wind.
He got down on his knees in front of you and began to wipe away at your tears, a deep frown settled on his face.
You only stared into his eyes with your glassy ones, bottom lip trembling," my makeup probably looks so fucking gross..." you sobbed.
Husk snorted," should be the least of your worries, doll." When you finally stopped crying he huffed and flicked your forehead," you have some serious FOMO." He grumbled out, an amused smirk on his fluffy face.
You sniffled and nodded, choking back more tears," I know."
"And you need to know when to stop if you're uncomfortable."
You nodded again," I know.."
His brows furrowed," and you still look pretty with your makeup running down your face." His reassurance was sweet and charming despite the disgruntled expression on his face.
A watery smile broke onto your lips,"... Thank you." You breathed out softly.
"Wanna get the fuck outta here? There's a nice bar I know a few blocks away we could drink at. Just the two of us."
You hummed," Sounds awesome."
▢ vox ᯤ
When he agreed to go to this stupid party for Val, he wasn't expecting to run into something like this.
His greatest enemy, you, was sat outside with your head in your hands as you sobbed and cursed to yourself.
To be honest he was torn between making fun of you or just taking advantage of the situation and killing you.
But there was that little voice in the back of his coding that screamed to comfort you.
He groaned and ran his hands down his face," fuck my life fuck my life fuck my life..." He muttered to himself as he walked over to you.
He stood behind you and watched as you paused to look up at him, face puffy and pathetic.
He grinned wryly at the sight," Holy shit you're an ugly crier." He stated without thinking.
Your wide eyes turned half-lidded as you turned your attention away from him," Go fuck yourself, Vox. I'm not in the mood for your whiny baby shit." You grumbled out.
"Hey, hey. Whiny baby is too far, sweetheart. Take the insults down a few notches, yeah?" He then sat down next to you," treating me like this when about to comfort you. The fuckin' nerve of you."
You gave him a deadly glare, growling," Vox, leave. I told you I'm not in the fucking m-" you were interrupted by being pulled into a sudden embrace, making you shut up immediately.
There was a long awkward silence as you were pulled into Vox's side in a side-hug.
Then you spoke with a small voice,"... what is this." Was more of a demand than a question.
"Comfort." Vox replied casually when he was fucking sweating buckets.
"........ huh...." you bit your lip as you felt tears sting at your eyes,"... alright."
You leaned into him unknowingly, making him gush a little to himself. Why the fuck was he being soft right now? He didn't know.
"You looked hot tonight. All dolled up." He gritted out.
"Yeah? Looked? Past-tense?"
He nodded," you look like a wet-rag now."
You snorted," fuck you, man." You grumbled, and leaned your head onto his shoulder," fuck, I'm pathetic..."
"Yeah. But it's okay." He replied as comfortingly as he could but it just came out awkwardly," y'know parties are supposed to be fun? Why are you crying?"
"I hate my life? Or lack thereof?"
He hummed with a nod," Fair enough." Then he smiled widely," guess we have one thing in common, huh?"
You looked up at him before you sent him a slightly amused smirk," do we?"
He cleared his throat at your expression and looked away quickly, blush on his screen,"I-I mean.. yeah. Fucking sucks down here. Literal shit hole." Then he shrugged, trying to brush off the stutter of his heart," but... but at least you're not like... alone or whatever the fuck."
You stared for a moment, eyes softening as you nodded in agreement,"... Yeah. At least there's that, huh?"
You leaned back into his embrace with less tension in your body as Vox began to relax alongside you.
▢ lucifer morningstar ⚝
He came to this party just to make a brief appearance for his daughter's celebration of the hotel being rebuilt to be honest.
But he took quick note of how you had left very suddenly, mumbling to him about needing to take a breather outside. He was worried, of course, but he just left you in your lonesome until he got worried when you didn't return for 20 minutes.
When he walked outside onto the balcony of the hotel his eyes widened in horror at the sigh of you sobbing to yourself.
"Oh shit you're crying okay ummm," He walked over to you quickly, playing with his fingers awkwardly," Honey is everything okay? Do...do you need a hug?"
"Shit... sorry..." you mumbled looking up at him ashamedly from the floor, smiling pathetically as tears trailed down your cheeks," I.. I'm sorry you have to see me like this..."
He frowned deeply, his nervousness subsiding as he crouched down in front of you," Don't apologise for something so silly." He mumbled, grabbing on your hand and gently squeezing," what's wrong? Is it something I can help with?"
His concern was incredibly sweet and touching, not something you would expect from the King of Hell.
But here he was comforting you like you were the most precious treasure to him. And you were... aside from Charlie, for obvious reasons.
You sniffled and felt your tears gathering again at his concern, you bottom lip trembling. At the sight, he frowned," Oh, love... oh honey..." He brought you into a hug, arms wrapping securely around you as he let his wings embrace you as well," I'm here now... always will be..."
You nodded against him as you just cried your heart out.
4K notes · View notes
pucksandpower · 15 days
Text
Black Widow
Toto Wolff x black widow!Reader
Summary: Lewis Hamilton and George Russell are convinced you’re trying to kill their team principal, and, to be fair, you do have a trail of seven dead extremely wealthy husbands behind you … but it’s not what they think, you promise
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The soft beep of medical equipment provides a rhythmic backdrop as you sit beside the ornate mahogany bed, your manicured fingers intertwined with those of your latest husband, Reginald Worthington III.
At 89 years old, Reggie, as you affectionately call him, is by far your oldest conquest yet. His wrinkled face, now gaunt from months of illness, still manages a weak smile as he gazes at you.
“My darling,” Reggie wheezes, his voice barely above a whisper, “I hope you know how much joy you’ve brought to these final months of mine.”
You lean in, your silky hair cascading over your shoulder as you press a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Oh, Reggie. The pleasure has been all mine.”
It’s not entirely a lie. While you don’t love Reggie — or any of your previous husbands, for that matter — you’ve grown fond of the old codger. He’s certainly been the most amusing of your elderly spouses.
Reggie’s eyes twinkle with mischief, a ghost of the rakish playboy he must have been in his youth. “Now, now, my dear. We both know this has been a mutually beneficial arrangement. But I do hope I’ve provided some entertainment along the way.”
You can’t help but chuckle. “You’ve been a delight, darling. Truly.”
As if on cue, Reggie is seized by a coughing fit. You quickly grab a glass of water from the bedside table, helping him take small sips until the spasms subside. When he catches his breath, he fixes you with a serious look.
“Y/N, there’s something I need to tell you. About the will.”
Your heart skips a beat, but you keep your face carefully neutral. “Reggie, please. We don’t need to discuss such morbid topics.”
He waves a dismissive hand. “Nonsense. We both know why you’re here, and it’s not to admire the wallpaper. Now listen, because this is important.”
You lean in closer, curiosity piqued despite yourself.
Reggie’s voice drops to a conspiratorial whisper. “In addition to the usual — the houses, the cars, the offshore accounts — I’m leaving you my stake in the Mercedes Formula 1 team.”
Your eyes widen in genuine surprise. “The racing team? Reggie, I had no idea you were involved with-”
He cuts you off with a wheezy laugh. “Oh, my dear. There’s so much you don’t know about me. Did you think I made my fortune selling denture cream?”
You can’t help but smile. “Well, I did wonder about all those trophies in your study.”
“Remnants of a misspent youth,” Reggie says with a wistful sigh. “But this, this is my crowning achievement. A 33% stake in one of the most successful F1 teams in history.”
Your mind reels at the implications. This is far beyond anything you’d anticipated when you’d set your sights on Reginald Worthington III.
“Reggie, I ... I don’t know what to say.”
He pats your hand affectionately. “You don’t have to say anything, my dear. Just promise me you’ll make the most of it. I’ve always admired your ambition. It reminds me of myself at your age.”
You lean back in your chair, studying the old man before you. In that moment, you feel a surge of genuine affection for him.
“I promise, Reggie. I’ll make you proud.”
He nods, satisfied. “Good. Now, tell me about the others. I want to know how I measure up to my predecessors.”
You laugh, shaking your head in amazement. “Are you sure? It’s quite a list.”
Reggie’s eyes sparkle with interest. “My dear, I’m on my deathbed. Regale me with tales of your conquests.”
With a theatrical sigh, you begin. “Well, if you insist. Let’s see ... first, there was Harold.”
“Ah, the virgin husband,” Reggie interrupts with a knowing nod.
You raise an eyebrow. “And how did you know that?”
He winks. “I have my sources. Go on.”
“Right. Well, Harold was a sweet man. A bit naive, perhaps, but genuinely kind. He left me his tech startup. It wasn’t worth much at the time, but I sold it for a tidy sum a year later.”
Reggie nods approvingly. “Smart move. Who was next?”
“After Harold came George. He was ... intense. A retired army general with a penchant for war stories and expensive scotch. Left me his collection of rare military memorabilia.”
“Fascinating,” Reggie murmurs. “And the others?”
You tick them off on your fingers. “Let’s see ... there was Joaquin, the passionate Spanish chef. He left me his Michelin-starred restaurants. Then came Dmitri, the Russian oligarch. That was ... an experience.”
Reggie chuckles. “I bet it was. What did he leave you?”
“A series of shell companies and a rather gaudy yacht. I sold the yacht, kept the companies.” You pause, lost in thought for a moment. “After Dmitri was William, the British lord. Lovely man, terrible teeth. Left me his crumbling estate and title.”
“So you’re technically a lady now?” Reggie asks, amused.
You nod. “Lady Y/N, at your service. Though I don’t use the title much. It tends to raise questions.”
“Understandable. And the last one before me?”
Your expression softens slightly. “Ah, that was Hiroshi. Japanese tech mogul. Brilliant mind, but so lonely. I think I was the first real companionship he’d had in years.”
Reggie studies you carefully. “You were fond of him.”
You nod, a bit surprised by the lump in your throat. “I was. He ... he understood me, I think. More than the others.”
There’s a moment of silence as Reggie processes this information. Finally, he speaks. “And what did Hiroshi leave you?”
You smile wryly. “His AI research company. It’s been ... interesting, to say the least.”
Reggie nods slowly. “Quite a collection you’ve amassed, my dear. But tell me, what drives you? Surely it’s not just the money.”
You’re taken aback by the question. No one has ever asked you that before. You take a moment to gather your thoughts.
“I suppose ... it’s the challenge of it all. The thrill of reinventing myself with each new husband, of navigating these complex worlds they inhabit. And yes, the wealth is nice, but it’s more about what I can do with it.”
Reggie leans forward, intrigued. “And what is it you want to do?”
You pause, realizing you’ve never really articulated this to anyone before. “I want to make a difference. Real, lasting change. These men, they’ve all built empires in their own ways, but they’ve been limited by their own mortality. I don’t have those limitations yet. I can take what they’ve given me and create something ... more.”
Reggie’s eyes light up with understanding. “Ah, now I see why I was drawn to you. You’re not just a pretty face or a clever mind. You’re a visionary.”
You feel a flush of pride at his words. “I try to be. Each husband has taught me something new, given me tools I never had before. Harold showed me the potential of technology. George taught me strategy. Joaquin, the importance of passion in one’s work. Dmitri, how to navigate the murky waters of international business. William gave me a glimpse into old-world power structures. And Hiroshi ... well, he opened my eyes to the future.”
Reggie nods slowly. “And what have I taught you, I wonder?”
You smile softly. “Patience, Reggie. The long game. And the value of a good sense of humor in the face of adversity.”
He chuckles weakly. “Well, I’m glad I could contribute something to your education. Now, about this F1 team ...”
You lean in, eager to hear more. “Yes?”
“It’s more than just a racing team, you know. It’s a pinnacle of engineering, a testament to human ingenuity and the constant push for improvement. I think you’ll find it fits quite well with your ambitions.”
You nod slowly, mind already racing with possibilities. “I can see that. The technology, the global platform, the prestige ...”
Reggie grins. “Exactly. And who knows? Maybe you’ll find husband number eight in the paddock.”
You laugh, shaking your head. “Oh, Reggie. Always thinking ahead, aren’t you?”
He winks. “Someone has to. Now, promise me one thing.”
“Anything,” you say, and you’re surprised to find you mean it.
“When you’re accepting that championship trophy — because I know you will — wear something fabulous. Give those stuffy old men in the paddock something to talk about.”
You can’t help but grin. “Oh, don’t worry. I intend to shake things up a bit.”
Reggie nods approvingly. “That’s my girl. Now, I think I need to rest for a bit. But don’t go far. I want to hear all about your plans for world domination when I wake up.”
As you watch Reggie drift off to sleep, you can’t help but feel a mix of emotions. Sadness at the impending loss of this charming old rogue, excitement at the unexpected opportunity he’s given you, and a renewed sense of purpose.
You glance at your reflection in the ornate mirror across the room. Lady Y/N Y/L/N, soon-to-be racing magnate. It has a nice ring to it.
As you settle back into your chair, you begin to plan your next moves. The motorsport world won’t know what hit it.
***
The sleek boardroom of the Mercedes-AMG Petronas F1 Team headquarters buzzes with hushed conversation. Around the polished mahogany table, team executives and board members huddle in small groups, their voices low and urgent.
Toto catches snippets of conversation as he reviews his notes for the meeting.
“Did you hear? She’s actually coming today,” whispers Bradley, the team’s financial officer.
Sarah, head of marketing, leans in. “I can’t believe Reginald left her his stake. What was he thinking?”
“Probably wasn’t thinking with his head, if you know what I mean,” chuckles Thomas, the technical director.
Toto clears his throat, silencing the gossip. “Let’s keep things professional, shall we? We have important matters to discuss today.”
As if on cue, the boardroom door swings open. The room falls into an immediate, almost eerie silence as you stride in, turning heads with every click of your Manolo Blahnik heels against the polished floor.
Toto finds himself holding his breath, caught off guard by your presence. He’s seen photos, of course, but they didn’t do you justice. Your tailored Armani suit exudes power and confidence, while your eyes scan the room with a shrewd intelligence that sends a shiver down his spine.
You take your seat at the far end of the table, directly opposite Toto. “Good morning, everyone. I hope I’m not late.”
Your voice, smooth as silk with a hint of amusement, breaks the spell. The room erupts into a flurry of awkward greetings and nervous coughs.
Toto clears his throat again, trying to regain control of the situation. “Not at all. We were just about to begin. Welcome, Lady Worthington. We’re honored to have you join us today.”
You smile, a dazzling display that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. “Please, call me Y/N. We’re all colleagues here, after all.”
Toto nods, fighting to keep his composure. “Of course, Y/N. Shall we begin with the agenda?”
As the meeting progresses, Toto finds himself increasingly distracted. He’s used to being the most commanding presence in any room, but your arrival has shifted the dynamic entirely. Every time you speak, offering insights or asking pointed questions, the rest of the board seems to hold its breath.
“I’ve been reviewing our sustainability initiatives,” you say during a lull in the conversation. “While I applaud our efforts so far, I believe we could be doing more. Formula 1 has an unique platform to drive innovation in green technologies. We should be leading the charge, not just following along.”
Bradley shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “With all due respect, Lady- I mean, Y/N, implementing new sustainability measures could be quite costly. We need to consider the bottom line.”
You lean forward, fixing Bradley with an intense gaze. “And what about the cost of falling behind? Of being seen as out of touch with the concerns of younger fans? Sometimes, you have to spend money to make money.”
Toto finds himself nodding in agreement before he even realizes it. “Y/N raises an excellent point. Perhaps we should form a task force to explore more aggressive sustainability options.”
You flash him a grateful smile, and Toto feels his heart skip a beat. He quickly looks down at his notes, trying to regain his composure.
As the meeting continues, you consistently challenge the status quo, pushing for bolder strategies and innovative approaches. Toto watches in fascination as you deftly navigate the complex dynamics of the board, alternating between charm and steel as the situation demands.
During a discussion about driver development, you interject again. “I’ve been looking into our junior driver program, and I think we’re missing opportunities. We’re too focused on traditional racing backgrounds. What about sim racers? Or scouting karters from developing countries? We could be tapping into a whole new pool of talent.”
Sarah, the marketing head, perks up at this. “That’s ... actually a brilliant idea. It could really broaden our appeal, especially in emerging markets.”
You nod appreciatively. “Exactly. And imagine the stories we could tell. The sim racer who became an F1 champion or the kid from a small village who rose to the top of motorsport. That’s the kind of narrative that builds brand loyalty and inspires the next generation of fans.”
Toto finds himself leaning forward, completely engrossed. “I love this direction. Y/N, would you be willing to work with Sarah to develop a proposal for expanding our driver search?”
“Of course,” you reply with a smile that makes Toto’s pulse quicken. “I’d be delighted.”
As the meeting winds down, Toto realizes that the entire dynamic of the board has shifted. The initial wariness towards you has given way to a mixture of respect and curiosity. Even those who seemed most skeptical at the start are now hanging on your every word.
“Well,” Toto says, glancing at his watch, “I think that concludes our agenda for today. Unless anyone has any other matters to discuss?”
The room is silent for a moment before you speak up. “Actually, if I may, I’d like to address the elephant in the room.”
A tense hush falls over the gathering. Toto holds his breath, unsure of what’s coming next.
You stand, your posture relaxed but commanding. “I’m aware of the rumors and speculation surrounding my ... personal life. I want to assure all of you that my presence here is purely professional. I’m not here to cause drama or upheaval. I’m here because I believe in the potential of this team and this sport. I hope that over time, you’ll come to judge me based on my contributions, not on gossip or hearsay.”
The sincerity in your voice is palpable, and Toto can see the effect it has on the room. Shoulders relax, expressions soften. There’s a collective exhale, as if a weight has been lifted.
“Thank you for your honesty,” Toto says, standing as well. “I think I speak for everyone when I say we look forward to working with you and seeing what fresh perspectives you can bring to the team.”
There’s a murmur of agreement around the table. As the meeting officially adjourns, people begin to gather their things and file out of the room. Toto notices that several board members linger, clearly hoping to have a word with you. He feels an unexpected twinge of jealousy.
Before he can second-guess himself, Toto makes his way around the table to where you’re chatting with Sarah about the junior driver program idea.
“Excuse me,” he says, feeling uncharacteristically nervous. “Y/N, I was wondering if I could have a word?”
You turn to him with a smile that makes his heart race. “Of course. What can I do for you?”
He takes a deep breath, acutely aware of the curious glances from the remaining board members. “I was impressed by your insights today. I think there’s a lot we could discuss further about the future direction of the team. Would you perhaps be interested in continuing this conversation over dinner?”
A hush falls over the remaining occupants of the room. Toto can practically feel the weight of their stares, but he keeps his eyes fixed on you.
You raise an eyebrow, a mix of surprise and amusement playing across your features. “Dinner? My, my, Toto. Aren’t you afraid of me? I do have quite the reputation, you know.”
There’s a challenge in your voice, but also a hint of vulnerability that catches Toto off guard. He realizes that beneath your confident exterior, you’re testing him, gauging his true intentions.
Toto meets your gaze steadily, his voice low but firm. “I don’t put much stock in rumors. I prefer to form my own opinions based on what I see and experience. And what I’ve seen today is a brilliant, passionate individual who could be a tremendous asset to this team. That’s the person I’m interested in getting to know better.”
The room seems to hold its breath, waiting for your response. You study Toto for a long moment, your expression unreadable. Then, slowly, a genuine smile spreads across your face.
“Well, in that case, I’d be delighted to have dinner with you. Shall we say eight o’clock?”
Toto feels a rush of relief and excitement. “Eight o’clock sounds perfect. I know just the place.”
As you gather your things and prepare to leave, Toto can’t help but feel like he’s standing on the precipice of something monumental. He’s built his career on calculated risks, on seeing potential where others see danger. Looking at you, he knows that this might be the biggest gamble of his life.
But as you turn to give him one last smile before exiting the boardroom, Toto is certain of one thing: it’s a risk he’s more than willing to take.
***
The Monaco Grand Prix paddock buzzes with excitement, a hive of activity as teams prepare for the most glamorous race on the Formula 1 calendar. Lewis Hamilton and George Russell huddle in a quiet corner of the Mercedes garage, their voices low and urgent.
“I’m telling you, mate, something’s not right,” George insists, his eyes darting around to ensure they’re not overheard. “Have you seen the way Toto’s been acting lately? It’s like he’s under some kind of spell.”
Lewis nods grimly, his usual pre-race focus replaced by concern. “I know what you mean. Ever since she came into the picture, it’s like he’s a different person. Always distracted, making decisions that don’t quite add up.”
“Exactly!” George exclaims, then quickly lowers his voice again. “And have you noticed how she’s always around now? At every meeting, every strategy session. It’s like she’s trying to learn all our secrets.”
Lewis furrows his brow, deep in thought. “You don’t think ... I mean, surely she wouldn’t actually try to ...”
“Kill him?” George finishes, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know, mate. But look at her track record. Seven husbands, all dead within months of marrying her. And now she’s got her claws into Toto.”
As if summoned by their conversation, you appear at the entrance of the garage, Toto at your side. The team principal’s hand rests comfortably on the small of your back as he leads you through the bustling workspace.
Lewis and George fall silent, watching intently as you make your way towards them. Your designer sundress and oversized sunglasses scream understated elegance, but to the two drivers, you might as well be wearing a black widow’s web.
“Good morning,” Toto calls out cheerfully. “Ready for qualifying?”
Lewis forces a smile, his eyes never leaving you. “Morning, Toto. Yeah, we were just discussing strategy.”
You step forward, flashing a dazzling smile. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything important. I’m still learning all the intricacies of race weekends.”
George clears his throat, trying to keep his voice steady. “Not at all. We were just finishing up.”
Toto beams, looking from you to his drivers with pride. “Isn’t it wonderful having Y/N here? She’s already brought so many fresh ideas to the team. I don’t know how we managed without her.”
You laugh, a sound that sends chills down Lewis and George’s spines. “Oh, darling, you’re exaggerating. I’m sure these boys were doing just fine before I came along.”
As you speak, your hand reaches up to smooth Toto’s collar, a gesture that seems innocent enough but makes both drivers tense.
Lewis clears his throat. “Actually, Toto, could we have a quick word? About the, uh, tire strategy?”
Toto looks surprised but nods. “Of course. Y/N, would you mind giving us a moment?”
“Not at all,” you reply smoothly. “I’ll just go chat with the mechanics. I’m fascinated by all this technology.”
As you saunter away, Lewis and George exchange a meaningful glance. This is their chance.
“Toto,” Lewis begins, choosing his words carefully. “We’re a bit concerned. About you, actually.”
Toto’s brow furrows in confusion. “Concerned? What do you mean?”
George jumps in, his words tumbling out in a rush. “It’s just that ... well, things have been different since you started seeing her. And given her history ...”
“Her history?” Toto repeats, his voice taking on an edge. “What exactly are you implying?”
Lewis takes a deep breath. “Toto, we care about you. And we can’t help but notice that Y/N’s previous partners have all met with ... unfortunate ends.”
For a moment, Toto just stares at them, his expression unreadable. Then, to their surprise, he bursts out laughing.
“Oh, boys,” he chuckles, shaking his head. “I appreciate your concern, truly. But I assure you, it’s misplaced. Y/N has been nothing but a positive influence on both me and the team.”
George persists, his voice urgent. “But Toto, you have to admit, the pattern is alarming. Seven husbands, all dead within months of marriage. And now she’s here, learning all about our team, our strategies ...”
Toto’s amusement fades, replaced by a stern look. “That’s enough. I understand you’re worried, but I won’t have you spreading baseless rumors. Y/N is here because she’s a part-owner of this team and because I invited her. End of discussion.”
As Toto walks away, Lewis and George share a look of dismay.
“He’s in too deep,” Lewis mutters. “We need to do something.”
George nods grimly. “We can’t let her hurt him. Or the team. We need a plan.”
Throughout the day, as qualifying unfolds, Lewis and George find themselves constantly distracted. Every time they catch a glimpse of you in the garage or on the pit wall, their imaginations run wild.
During a brief break between sessions, they overhear a snippet of conversation between you and one of the engineers.
“So, if something were to go wrong with the car during the race,” you’re saying, “what would be the most catastrophic point of failure?”
The engineer launches into a detailed explanation of various mechanical vulnerabilities, unaware of the horrified looks on the drivers’ faces.
“She’s gathering intel,” George whispers to Lewis. “Probably planning some sort of accident for Toto.”
Lewis nods, his jaw set with determination. “We need to warn him again. Make him see reason.”
But their attempts to get Toto alone prove futile. You seem to be constantly by his side, your hand on his arm, whispering in his ear. To an outsider, it might look like the actions of a loving girlfriend, but to Lewis and George, every gesture seems calculated and sinister.
As the day wears on, their paranoia grows. They start seeing threats everywhere. When you hand Toto a bottle of water, they’re convinced it’s poisoned. When you suggest he take a look at something in the back of the garage, they’re sure you’re luring him away to do him harm.
Finally, as the sun begins to set over the Monaco harbor, they decide they can’t wait any longer. They need to confront you directly.
They find you alone in the hospitality area, reviewing some papers. As they approach, you look up with a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes.
“Lewis, George,” you greet them warmly. “Excellent qualifying today. You must be pleased.”
Lewis takes a deep breath, steeling himself. “Cut the act. We know what you’re up to.”
Your expression doesn’t change, but something flickers in your eyes. “I’m not sure I understand. What exactly am I up to?”
George steps forward, his voice low and intense. “We know about your husbands. All seven of them. And we’re not going to let you add Toto to that list.”
For a moment, you just stare at them, your face unreadable. Then, to their surprise, you burst out laughing.
“Oh,” you chuckle, shaking your head. “Is that what this is all about? You think I’m here to kill Toto?”
Lewis and George exchange confused glances, thrown off by your reaction.
You lean in, your voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. “Let me tell you a little secret. Those men? They were all terminally ill when I married them. It was a business arrangement, pure and simple. They got to spend their last months with a young, beautiful wife, and I got their fortunes. No foul play involved.”
The drivers stare at you, speechless. You continue, your tone becoming more serious.
“As for Toto, well, that’s different. For the first time in my life, I’ve found someone I genuinely care for. Someone who sees me for who I am, not just what I can offer. I’m not here to hurt him or the team. I’m here because I want to be part of something meaningful.”
Lewis and George exchange uncertain glances, their convictions shaken.
“But ... all the questions about the car, the team strategies ...” George begins.
You roll your eyes, a hint of amusement in your voice. “I’m a part-owner of this team now, remember? Of course I’m trying to learn everything I can. How else can I contribute?”
As the truth of your words sinks in, Lewis and George begin to feel a creeping sense of embarrassment. They’ve let their imaginations and preconceptions run wild, seeing threats where there were none.
“I ... we ...” Lewis stammers, struggling to find the right words.
You hold up a hand, stopping him. “It’s alright. I understand. My reputation precedes me, and you were just looking out for Toto. I can respect that.”
George rubs the back of his neck, sheepish. “We may have gotten a bit carried away. I’m sorry.”
You smile, and this time it reaches your eyes. “Apology accepted. Now, what do you say we put this behind us and focus on winning tomorrow’s race?”
As if on cue, Toto appears, looking between the three of you with curiosity. “Everything alright here?”
You stand, moving to his side and slipping your arm through his. “Everything’s perfect, darling. In fact, I think Lewis and George were just about to share some ideas they had for the race strategy. Weren’t you, boys?”
Lewis and George nod, grateful for the out you’ve given them. As they launch into a discussion about tire management and overtaking opportunities, they can’t help but marvel at how wrong they’ve been.
Watching you interact with Toto, they see not a black widow spinning her web, but a woman genuinely in love, bringing out the best in their team principal. They realize that sometimes, people can surprise you. And sometimes, the most unexpected additions to a team can be the most valuable.
***
The soft glow of chandeliers bathes the exclusive Monégasque restaurant in warm light, casting elegant shadows across the faces of Monaco’s elite. Grigori Volkov, a grizzled veteran of the Russian underworld, sips his vodka, his weathered face a mask of careful neutrality as he surveys the room.
His eyes narrow as they land on a familiar figure across the crowded dining area. It can’t be, he thinks, leaning forward for a better look. But there’s no mistaking that face, those eyes that have haunted his dreams and nightmares for years.
You.
Grigori watches as you laugh, your hand resting lightly on the arm of a tall, distinguished-looking man. He recognizes him vaguely. But what catches Grigori off guard is the easy intimacy between you, the matching wedding bands glinting in the low light.
For a moment, Grigori considers slipping out unnoticed. But curiosity gets the better of him. He signals the waiter, ordering another round of drinks to be sent to your table.
As the waiter approaches with the drinks, Grigori sees your posture stiffen slightly, your eyes scanning the room until they lock onto his. He raises his glass in a small salute, a wry smile playing at the corners of his mouth.
You lean in, whispering something to Toto. The man looks surprised but nods, and together you make your way towards Grigori’s table.
“Grigori,” you greet him, your voice a mix of warmth and wariness. “It’s been a long time.”
Grigori stands, bowing slightly. “Indeed it has, my dear. You’re looking well. And who might this be?”
Toto extends his hand, his grip firm. “Toto Wolff. And you are?”
“An old friend of your wife’s,” Grigori replies smoothly, noting the flicker of surprise in Toto’s eyes at the word ’wife’. “Grigori Volkov. I knew Y/N back in her Russian days.”
You gesture to the empty chairs. “May we join you?”
Grigori nods, waving expansively. “Please, be my guests.”
As you settle in, Grigori can’t help but study Toto more closely. He’s younger than expected, vital and alert. Not at all what he’d imagined for your latest conquest.
“So, Toto,” Grigori begins, his accent thick with amusement, “how long have you and our dear Y/N been married?”
Toto smiles, his hand finding yours on the table. “Just over two years now. Best decision I ever made.”
Grigori’s eyebrows shoot up. “Two years? My, my. That’s quite impressive.”
You shoot him a warning look, but Toto just looks confused. “I’m not sure I follow. Why is that impressive?”
Grigori chuckles, taking a long sip of his vodka. “Oh, forgive me. I just meant that Y/N here has always been something of a ... how do you say ... free spirit? Never one to be tied down for long.”
You interject quickly, “People change, Grigori. I’ve found what I was looking for.”
Grigori nods, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “Indeed they do. And what of your ... other interests? The ones you inherited from dear Dmitri?”
Toto’s brow furrows. “Dmitri? I’m afraid I don’t know much about Y/N’s ex-husbands.”
“Ex-husbands?” Grigori repeats, feigning surprise. “Oh, but Dmitri was special, wasn’t he? After all, not every day one inherits a slice of the Bratva.”
The color drains from Toto’s face as he turns to you. “The Bratva? As in, the Russian mob?”
You sigh, shooting Grigori a glare that could freeze vodka. “It’s complicated, darling. And very much in the past.”
Grigori leans back, thoroughly enjoying the drama unfolding before him. “Oh, come now, Y/N. Surely your husband deserves to know the truth? About your colorful past, your string of deceased husbands, your unexpected rise to power in certain ... shall we say, unofficial circles?”
Toto looks between you and Grigori, his expression a mix of confusion and growing concern. “Y/N, what is he talking about?”
You take a deep breath, squeezing Toto’s hand. “Toto, there are parts of my past I haven’t told you about. Not because I wanted to keep secrets, but because I wanted to leave that life behind.”
Grigori interjects, his voice dripping with false sympathy. “Oh, but my dear, can one ever truly leave such a life behind? Especially when one has risen to such ... prominent positions?”
Toto’s eyes narrow as he looks at Grigori. “And what exactly is your role in all this?”
Grigori smiles, all teeth and no warmth. “Let’s just say I’m an old associate of Dmitri’s. And by extension, of Y/N’s. Though I must admit, I’m surprised to see you still among the living, Mr. Wolff. Our dear Y/N has quite a reputation, you know.”
You slam your hand on the table, your voice low and dangerous. “Enough, Grigori. That’s not who I am anymore.”
Grigori holds up his hands in mock surrender. “Of course, of course. I meant no offense. I’m merely ... surprised. After all, your previous husbands weren’t quite so fortunate. Or so young and vigorous.”
Toto’s jaw clenches, his eyes darting between you and Grigori. “I think it’s time we left.”
As you stand to leave, Grigori calls out, “Oh, but we’ve only just begun to catch up. There’s so much your husband doesn’t know, Y/N. About the power you wield, the empire you inherited. Don’t you think he deserves to know the truth about the woman he married?”
You turn back, your eyes flashing with a mix of anger and something deeper, more dangerous. “The truth, Grigori, is that I left that life behind. I found something real, something worth living for. And if you or anyone else tries to drag me back into that world, you’ll regret it.”
Grigori leans forward, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Is that a threat, my dear?”
You smile, cold and sharp. “Consider it a friendly warning. From one old friend to another.”
As you and Toto walk away, Grigori can’t help but feel a shiver run down his spine. He’d forgotten, in the years since you’d left Russia, just how formidable you could be.
He watches as you and Toto have an intense, whispered conversation by the exit. To his surprise, instead of storming out, Toto nods, takes your hand, and leads you back to Grigori’s table.
“Mr. Volkov,” Toto says, his voice steady and controlled, “I think it’s time we had an honest conversation. About Y/N’s past, about your ... association, and about how we move forward from here.”
Grigori raises an eyebrow, impressed despite himself. “Well, well. It seems you’ve found yourself a man with a spine, Y/N. Very well, let’s talk.”
As the three of you settle back into your seats, Grigori can’t help but feel a grudging respect for Toto. Most men would have run for the hills by now, but here he is, ready to face the truth head-on.
“So,” Grigori begins, pouring fresh vodka for all of you, “where shall we start? With Dmitri? With the Bratva? Or perhaps with the mysterious deaths of Y/N’s previous husbands?”
Toto takes a sip of vodka, his eyes never leaving Grigori’s. “Let’s start with the truth. All of it.”
You sigh, your hand finding Toto’s under the table. “Alright. Dmitri was my fifth husband. He was a high-ranking member of the Bratva, and when he died, I inherited his position and his connections.”
Grigori nods approvingly. “She’s being modest. Y/N didn’t just inherit Dmitri’s position — she expanded it. Forged new alliances, eliminated rivals. She became a force to be reckoned with in our world.”
Toto looks at you, his expression unreadable. “And the other husbands?”
You meet his gaze steadily. “They were all older men, all terminally ill. It was a business arrangement. They got to spend their last months with a young wife, and I got their fortunes. No foul play, I swear.”
Grigori chuckles. “Oh, come now. There were rumors, whispers of poison, of accidents arranged just so ...”
You whirl on him, your eyes flashing. “Rumors started by people like you. People who couldn’t believe a woman could gain power without resorting to murder.”
Toto squeezes your hand, his voice gentle. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”
You turn back to him, your expression softening. “Because I wanted to leave it all behind. When I met you, I saw a chance at a real life, a real relationship. I didn’t want my past to taint that.”
Grigori watches this exchange with growing fascination. He’s never seen you like this — vulnerable, open, genuinely in love. It’s... unsettling.
“And now?” He asks, unable to keep the curiosity from his voice. “What becomes of your empire, Y/N? Your power? Your connections?”
You straighten, your voice firm. “I’ve been systematically dismantling it all. Using the resources to fund legitimate businesses, charitable foundations. I’m out. For good.”
Grigori leans back, genuinely surprised. “You’re serious, aren’t you? You’re really walking away from it all.”
Toto speaks up, his voice steady. “We’re building something new together. Something honest, something we can be proud of.”
Grigori studies them both for a long moment, then throws back the last of his vodka. “Well, I’ll be damned. You’ve actually done it. You’ve found a way out.”
You nod, a small smile playing at your lips. “I have. And I’d appreciate it if you’d spread the word. Y/N Wolff is retired. Permanently.”
Grigori stands, straightening his jacket. “Consider it done, my dear. But know this — there will always be those who remember who you were, what you were capable of. Be careful.”
As he turns to leave, Toto calls out, “Mr. Volkov?”
Grigori pauses, looking back. “Yes?”
Toto’s voice is calm, but there’s steel beneath the surface. “If anyone from Y/N’s past tries to cause trouble for us, they’ll have to deal with me. And I assure you, I can be just as formidable as my wife when necessary.”
Grigori studies Toto for a moment, then breaks into a broad grin. “I believe you, Mr. Wolff. I really do. Take care of her, won’t you? She’s one of a kind.”
As Grigori walks away, he can’t help but shake his head in amazement. You, the Black Widow of the Bratva, settled down and in love. Will wonders never cease?
He glances back one last time to see you and Toto deep in conversation, your hands intertwined on the table. There’s an openness to your expression that he’s never seen before, a vulnerability that speaks volumes.
For the first time in years, Grigori feels a twinge of envy. Not for your power or your wealth, but for the genuine connection you seem to have found. As he steps out into the cool Monaco night, he wonders if perhaps it’s time for him to consider a change of his own.
After all, if the infamous Y/N can find redemption and true love, maybe there’s hope for an old dog like him yet.
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