#do you want something to happen but don’t know how or it feels too tropey

[coffee-at-annies]

I don’t think the omgcp fandom appreciates Johnson the metaphysical goalie enough which is a shame

[ddlcbrainrot]

ok so i was feeling nostalgic today and started thinking about how my first time going through ddlc was so i’m making a post about it lol

buckle up this is going to be a long one

so i first heard of the game when it first came out in 2017, which means i was like… 12 years old?? so definitely should not have been watching it but what can ya do. anyway i’ve seen the title in a bunch of yt videos which described it as a horror game, and i was intrigued bc… 4 cute anime girls? how is that a horror game. i was too much of a scaredy cat to actually download it on our family computer so i watched some ddlc playthrough in yt. and i was so bored throughout the first half of act one lmao. i think i mentioned it before but when i first encountered the game i wanted to go the monika route, and i was so disappointed it wasn’t an option (until later on when i realised why it wasn’t an option). also the yt video i watched went down the yuri route and look, i didnt necessarily have a problem with the shy girl character type, what i did have a problem with (and still do to some extent) was how the shy girl is always portrayed in anime. i was definitely a shy person growing up, so seeing the traits that had caused me so many problems be considered adorable and desirable kinda irked me the wrong way. so yeah, first half of the game i was pretty unimpressed. i didn’t dislike it, i just thought “i’ve seen these character archetypes before, i know how this is going to play out, i’ll just wait until the other shoe drops”. and oh boy it did.

i remember that scene in sayori’s bedroom to this day dude. this is probably embarrassing to admit, but i honestly believe that scene changed the trajectory of my life. i live in a very uneducated country on the subject of mental health, so i had no idea on anything surrounding it. i’ve heard the term “depression” before, but it was only brought up either in a joking way or in a way of saying someone is too far gone. which is obviously not the case, but that’s how it was usually used back then in my environment. so to see a character that (even if i wasn’t as emotionally invested in bc of how tropey they were at that point) i liked talk about how they struggle with it was a very eye opening experience to say the least. it’s kind of funny thinking back, but i really was like “huh. depression is actually a real thing people can go through. and it could also be something people i care about have to go through. and something i could go through.”. it sounds dumb when i write it down but that was srsly how it was.

then act 2 happened, i don’t really have much to say about act 2 bc throughout the whole thing i was just uncomfortable and unsettled, which is definitely what act 2 is supposed to make you feel. natsuki was now somehow the most normal one, i didn’t like yuri even more now bc she was now also weirdly obsessive, i knew monika was up to something i just couldn’t wrap my head around what. a moment that stuck with me a lot during act 2 was the whole “can you hear me?” thing in monika’s second writing tip, bc wow this girl knows something and is also very clearly trapped by something and WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?? i literally had no idea where the story was going so the reveal hit me like a truck.

act 3… what to say about act 3… i was so mind blown you don’t even know. remember that i was like 12 at the time, this was my first ever experience with the media breaking the fourth wall. and from what i remember i had an… interesting viewpoint on it. i think there are two ways to interpret monika’s self awareness. first up is taking it under the context of the story, basically knowing that she isn’t actually self aware but for the sake of the story following along with the idea that she is. second one is taking it under the context of the behind the scenes, so you understand that she isn’t actually self aware but you can’t ignore it and just immerse yourself back in the story. it’s a risk the creator takes with breaking the fourth wall, bc the second interpretation usually ruins the idea behind the media. i had the second reaction to the awareness reveal. and i think it gives the game an entire new meaning, one that probably wasn’t the original one but i’d like to talk about it. the only thing i was able to think throughout monika’s monologues was : “oh crap. she thinks she’s self aware but in actuality she is programmed to kill her friends. she isn’t free from the script, she’s still following it. the creator just made her think she is aware but actually, she is just as much of a puppet as the other girls and she doesn’t even realise. she’s trapped in an even worse way than the other girls. bc she thinks she is free”. which, is definitely not what dan was going for, but i gotta say it is ten times scarier.

and then sayori goes through the epiphany too and then monika deletes the game and the credits roll but i was so flabbergasted by everything before that i couldn’t even form thoughts through act 4.

so yeah 12yo me was not only struck with the realisation that feelings are real things (thanks to sayori) but now also the thought that just because you experience something that could be 100% real to you doesn’t mean it actually is (thanks to monika). needless to say this game changed me as a person.

damn this was a long one, i apologise if you read through all of this lmao

[thirstnotes]

| Rivals to Lovers - Clark Kent - Part Two - Steal Your Girl Clark |

Pairings: Clark Kent x AFABBlackPlusSizedReader

Warnings: language, shameless shenanigans, typos, morally gray Clark, thirst, attempts at humor, angst, smut later, minors DNI, you use me I use you dynamic, she fell hard he fell harder tropey goodness

Ya’ll know the drill: If you don’t like it, don’t read it

“So let me get this straight. You want me to help you nab Lois from Luke?” you asked, enjoying the coffeehouse ambiance. It was one of your favorite spots. Kissing up Clark was one of your favorite Clarks. Second only to Hot, Steal Your Girl Clark.

“Pretty much,” he said, watching you quietly enjoy your favorite coffee and baked treat. He opted for a simple black coffee. All business.

“What did you have in mind? Make Lois jealous by making her think you’re dating me?” you laughed, pinching off another piece of your pastry, “I might not be an expert, but if she started dating another dude while you were both single, chances are she’s not gonna care if you’re dating somebody.”

His expression never faltered, smirk still in place on his stupidly handsome face. “Believe me, I know she will. People tend to want things they can’t have.”

For once he took a sip and it was your turn to try and figure him out. Since when was Mr. Do Everything Right into passive aggressive manipulation and scheming?

“That include you?”

His eyes pierced yours much like they did when he announced his intent in the first place. “Especially me.”

You shook off the shiver it gave you.

“Yeah but me though? Shouldn’t you be asking Wonder Woman or somebody? I heard y’all are tight,” you sassed, unknowingly making his body tense a bit at the phrasing. You were, of course, talking about his recent story with the Princess that he had managed to scoop from under you yet again. Perry said it was written like they were old friends, to which Clark had responded that it was like talking to an old friend. Still, you didn’t realize how closely that hit home for him. How dangerously close you were to putting two and two together.

You were very clever. He’d always liked that about you.

Unbeknownst to you, while you slurped down your snack:

Clark thought you were a snack

He thinks this is a ploy to get Lois, but tbh he sealed his fuckin fate asking you to be his fake girlfriend. We all know this. Don’t act surprised. Or do. I’m not the boss of you

“She was busy,” he sassed back and you rolled your eyes with a sarcastic laugh.

“Mmhm.”

“Besides. I’m sure seeing you in another man’s arms might wake something up in Ol’ Luke.” Ol’Luke. The way he said it, you’d thought it left a bad taste in his mouth. Understandable. You weren’t feeling Lois too deep either. Still, you had to laugh again. Luke did not want you. He’d had plenty of chances, but he dove under Lois Lane first chance he got.

“Mmhm,” you hummed again, swallowing another bite.

He watched you suck some fritter icing from the heel of your hand casually as you read a message that had popped up on your phone, eyes fixed on the warm muscle running across your bottom lip in satisfaction. You were absolutely adorable. Messy and comfortable with him. Eating like he wasn’t even there asking you a question that would throw most women. But you just laughed at the idea.

Now, however, you were frowning at your phone. His eyes curiously flickered from it to you.

“This bitch just—“ you said, taking a deep breath and regaining your composure.

“What happened?” Clark asked with a frown of his own now. You paused, trying to keep from flipping the table in front of you. You were raised better than that. After a couple of taps of reply, you dropped your phone to the table.

“Luke just messaged me. He’s gonna take Lois to the cooking class from now on.”

You chewed on your lip and picked apart the paper wrapper that held the devoured fritter that was now turning sour in your stomach. You hated everything. Life. This town. That job. The class. Luke. Lois. Clark looking at you like he felt sorry for you. You hated it all. Especially the fact that Clark was there for what was one of the lowest lows you’d ever experienced.

“It’s stupid,” not really giving much of a shit anymore, since it was all being blown open anyway, “I know we weren’t even dating, but it feels like a breakup, you know?”

He quietly listened to your rant, taking the opportunity to drink his coffee. Truthfully, the hurt in your voice destroyed him; it took everything in him not to crush the cup in his hand. Sure you were abrasive, but amidst all the back and forth, a friendship blossomed between you. One close enough that made him want to crush Luke’s windpipe for doing you dirty like that. It was abhorrent. He liked to think the man was more decent than that, but clearly not. He swallowed, ready to leave you be and call the whole thing off, but your eyes met his again.

“Fuck it. Let’s do this.”

“What? You sure?” he asked, obviously thrown. You wiped a stray tear threatening to fall, righteous petty anger bubbling beautifully to the surface.

“Yeah. There’s no way I’m losing my slot in class because he decided to downgrade. No offense.”

He shrugged awkwardly, an amused smirk returning to his face.

You went back to his place to discuss the rules

Insert montage featuring “Bad Guy” by Billie Eilish

Because every good scheme deserves a great soundtrack

Anyway

Rule 1: Feed off of each other’s energy

“Meaning?”

“Like a dance. I lead a little, you lead a little,” he elaborated, rounding you closely, erasing your personal space completely. He slipped his hand in yours and turned to gaze down at you. You stood your ground, eyes flickering from his to his soft, warm lips. You just knew they were. Absolute traps. You pressed two fingers against them when he came closer.

“Which brings me to rule two.”

Rule 2: No kissing unless the situation calls for it

“What qualifies as the situation calling for it?” he asked with an amused smirk. You pulled back and sat on the arm of his couch while he went to grab a couple of drinks from the fridge.

“I dunno. Like if people are watching us be all lovey dovey and expect a kiss? Kiss. Mistletoe is a traditional obligation. Also New Years.”

“Exactly how long do you see us carrying on this charade?” he laughed, handing you a Coke.

“I like to plan ahead. Point is, you’ll know it when you see it,” you said snapping it open with a bottle opener. He simply twisted his off.

“Okay, damn, Superman, careful with that brute strength.”

He laughed at the irony of the comparison, dipping his head modestly. “Anyway.”

Rule 3: Chemistry

“We have pretty good chemistry as it is,” you pointed out, taking a swig of your drink, practically straddling the arm of his couch now. His eyes quietly acknowledged your point—and your position.

“True enough. We’ve got arguing down. But, to tell you the truth, I don’t tend to argue with my lovers at every turn.”

“Really? You mean you don’t bring that out in every woman you meet?”

He rolled his eyes at you. “Shocking, I know. C’mere.”

You heaved a puff of air and set your drink down, lazily climbing off your comfortable post and approaching him. His broad hands captured your hips and pulled you the remaining distance to him, his eyes still in yours. You fell against him with a soft “oof”. A sound you weren’t familiar with. At least not tumbling from your lips.

“You okay?”

“After being manhandled? Yeah I think I can deal,” you joked, hands on his broad, hard, chest.

Seriously, what did this man do? Eat boulders every morning?

He was Superman

He had to be

You never saw them in the same room together. I mean.

It was possible

“Y/N,” he softly reprimanded, his grip around your hips firming a bit. It was kinda sexy. You liked chemistry training.

“Sorry, you’re just so easy,” you laughed, mostly at the irony at using the word “easy”. Since you were the one melting in his arms. But if he was gonna use you, you were gonna use him too.

“You’re not gonna quietly let me seduce you, are you?”

“Wow. Okay. Are you seducing me now?” you asked with a surprised hum. He rolled his eyes again.

“To prove a point.”

“You sure you don’t just like feeling me up?”

“You’re gonna give me hell the entire time, aren’t you?”

“You always did know me.”

It was his turn to huff and puff, only he did so with a laugh. He slid his hands a bit lower, nesting in the small of your back. Such a small action shouldn’t have affected you like it did, but you both knew it did.

Shit, Clark had game. Lois was a lucky bitch

Fuck. You were seriously getting a little jealous

You knew this was a bad idea, but it felt so good

Were you that touch starved? You liked to think you weren’t

But right now, you were such a slut for the delicious weight of his hands at the top of your ass

“Chemistry,” he purred—the man purred at you, for Hera’s sake—“isn’t always arguing, L/N.”

“I know that,” you joked, smoothing your hands up his chest and looping them over his shoulders, “It’s just kinda my love language. Well. With you anyway.”

“We have a love language now?” he volleyed back, breath tickling your lips. You opened your mouth, but your back pocket vibrated and interrupted your thought. You paused, common sense smacking you in the back of the head and bringing you back to reality.

“Well, I mean. You know what I mean,” you laughed, turning your head and letting him go to answer it. He let you slip from his grip with a small frown. “Hello?…Yeah, Luke. Whats’ up?”

Your eyes flickered toward Clark, but he wasn’t standing in the same place. You listened to him try to explain his text and how he didn’t have time to call you instead. Or whatever. You couldn’t really register anything when Clark appeared behind you, snaking his hands around your waist, pulling a small purring laugh from you. You were ticklish. He had to make a mental note of that for later.

“Y/N, what are you doing? I was waiting,” he hummed needily in a low tone, mouth beside the receiver. You gawked at him, a bit embarrassed at your shameless interactions assaulting Luke’s ear.

There was a pause on his end. “Oh I’m. Are you busy?”

Before you could answer, Clark scooped the phone from your grasp. “Very.” You audibly gasped as he hung up. You thought you were gonna combust as he set the phone back into your open palm, dumb grin on your face.

“Really? I can’t believe you did that.”

“Take no prisoners,” he smirked, looking very satisfied with himself.

Maybe it wasn’t his place to roast Luke for being an insensitive asshole

But damn it felt good to listen to him choke on his own tongue at the sound of you having more than a little fun on your end.

You both ended the day on that note, things having gotten a bit too high energy for you both. Though Clark seemed even more rejuvenated than normal; he’d even asked if you wanted to order a little dinner in. But in truth, you didn’t trust yourself. Steal Your Girl Clark—rather just Clark Kent himself—was proving to be very problematic indeed. He was charming, funny, awkward yet smooth as Egyptian silk when he wanted to be.

You were trippin’

By trippin, I mean trippin and fallin deep into this farm boy’s arms

He had you

You hated it

It was sick

But he had you and you loved it

Who cared if he was using you to get to Lois?

Right now, you had him and it felt so damn good

(Part 3)

(Part 1)

[honeysweetcorvidae]

hey would you like to do all the prime numbers for the ask meme too. :3

i WOULD i’m gods bravest soldier and i can answer questions

i am, like mango, going to put this under a cut, because good grief this is a lot of questions.

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

lol. I tend to have a general shape in my head for what the whole thing will look like when i do multichaps, but no, i wing it; if i allow myself to do an outline then it will be Done in my brain & therefore dead in the water

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

1) go on swingset, play music on shuffle 2) put that bitch in a Situation in my brain 3) enter fugue state 4) hit post

5. Do you like constructive criticism?

ehh. i am very sensitive, but from people i trust & when i have time to brace myself it can be helpful? most of the time i am just sitting here though. love 2 have fun and indulge.

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

fugue state.

genuinely, it’s just whatever feels best at the moment! I have a taste for outsider POVs, but what i do for things that aren’t that varies from story to story— WTA flips back and forth from chapter to chapter where playing heroes is scattershot, etc.

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

oh geez picking “favorites” is an ASTONISHINGLY difficult thing for me— i have read probably hundreds of fics in the shuake tag alone, and the things I like I like for different reasons, and my MEMORY is so terrible that the word ‘favorite’ fills me with dread— so I’ll go with ones I immediately think to recommend? for p5, @malevolentmango’s what you’ve already buried and everything or nothing at all are phenomenal (i am marking this as One because mango is sooo specialwonderfulthebest and i could just list everything on their ao3. god wait how could i not also shout out no ballad will be written)

and then there’s interminable ballistics, which rewrote my brain, first step, which is frankly ASTONISHING, killing care and grief of heart by @jortsbian, which made me want to tear down an office building with my nails(honorific), and so on and so on and so on. this is way more than three. @ceilingfan5 has some of the best taakitz fics out there, if you’re into taz.

i would also, of course, be remiss not to nod to the fic i’m most insane about of all time, my guiding light my life my joy my favorite most special little enormous incomprehensible sadomasochistic bug alien clown porn religious worldbuilding space opera epic, @birchbow’s price of forgiveness. i’m super normal about everything they’ve ever written for homestuck tbqh BUT PoF is my darling. (it’s NOT the one i wrote a whole real actual literary analysis essay about. but that’s because it’s too long.)

okay moving on. i did not answer this question correctly.

13. What’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

uh. um. uh. does “don’t misuse punctuation too badly” count as a writing tip? man i don’t know i am an insane person about writing styles

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

if it sucks hit da bricks >:/. no but actually for real though, i tend to go out on my swingset, switch to a different project, or just Do Something Else for a while! i’m a big proponent of taking breaks.

19. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

well,

23. Best writing advice for other writers?

please for the love of god punctuate your dialogue correctly

no, but sincerely— i think that the best possible thing you can do for your work is to write what you actually want to write. do the stupid self-indulgent bullshit! write tropey nonsense, write the same shit over and over in different permutations, who cares! if you love it it’ll show.

31. Do you start with the characters or the plot when writing?

the characters make the plot happen and the plot makes the characters act? so i mean i guess characters, but they’re interminably linked.

37 I already answered;

41: Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

ha. hahahaaaa. according to ao3 i have visited price of forgiveness one hundred and sixty-seven times. i know i have read it logged out at least twice. so, you know,

43. Do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the “If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself” kind of person?

i like recovery! I like to see people brought down and still swinging, and then for them to be happy again after. so i guess the latter?

47. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

that’s between me and god

53. How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

well it took me going back ~50 pages into my ao3 history to find PoF, and the last time i read it was in june, so i’d say i read more than i write

59. Does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

everyone i know knows everything about me because I have cannot-shut-up-ever-disease, yes. my mom has been forced to hear the plot of my NG+ au.

61. Why do you continue writing fics?

I enjoy writing, and I like to have a community! when I’m not writing fic I write original stuff, and I miss the engagement when I do that, but it’s still the same compulsive joy, I think. I doubt I could ever just stop writing forever.

67. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

independent ideas, generally! I am very bad at sticking to a prompt; my mind tends to wander ALL about the joint.

71. When it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

[LAUGHING]

(the answer is severe autdhd and being an extremely fast reader.)

73. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

um. uh. um um uh. someone told me the other day that i am a fizzy mocktail and i don’t know what that means but i’m gonna go with that. i think my style is pretty distinctive, and i know i’m a skilled writer, so I guess. that? and i mean who else would write quite so much deeply emotionally vulnerable tentacle content. really.

[pseudoneiiric]

i was talking the other day about how i should write a meta about how vince sees himself, and while i was taking the bus home today i was thinking about it. and it kind of hit me that vince is a really difficult character to nail down writing-wise. like i mentioned this in a voice note a while back, but vince just isn’t tropey. you can’t really assign him tropes and kind of write from that trope, because he doesn’t really fit any trope at all. he’s not entirely the self-sacrificing type, not entirely a doormat, not entirely a fighter, not entirely the fat loser, not entirely an athletic wrestler, not entirely an academic type... and so on. there’s just a lot of complexities to vince that make it hard to kind of get his voice down.

like, here’s an example. we can kind of see through vince’s dialogue that he doesn’t like himself very much. he feels insecure about his size, he doesn’t consider himself to be intelligent, and he pretty regularly hides or covers up his true feelings. but then he’s also calling himself a superhero around zoe, standing up for himself around jim, and really knowing to some degree who he is, what he wants, and what he values. i keep coming back to the constant dialogue around vince being a fighter; the lawyer in his dream says, so you do got a little fight left in you, jim always wants vince to fight back, and if vince tells michelle he’s going to sue the airline, she tells him she’s happy to see him fight for something again. like i think vince is a very passionate character when it all comes down to it. but this post isn’t really about who vince is, but rather who he thinks he is.

and that’s kind of complicated! i keep coming back to the line where jim’s like “you’d make a good shrink” and vince immediately shoots back with “more like a neurotic patient”. im like (lawyer voice) oh so you do got a little anxiety left in you. i just think a lot about how vince was bullied as a kid but he still has such amazing workplace relationships. does he even realize how many friends he has? like, i think that’s the real tragedy of vince, that he probably has a much better support system than he gives himself credit for. i think about how supportive michelle is once she realizes where her priorities are, and like... god, and we can’t forget that line where vince is like “how could you think you’d be better off without your family? without mine, i’d be...” like it’s about him defining himself by his family but still not being a total doormat! he’s not happy making all these sacrifices for them, but he’s not unhappy either. it says something that i can see him pushing michelle about bruce’s texts and i can also see him telling her that it doesn’t matter, that he doesn’t want to know, that if she says nothing happened, he doesn’t want to make problems that don’t exist. like vince is soooo fascinating to me because you really have to be immersed in his mindset to write him. it’s hard to write him if you don’t have your finger on his pulse, so to speak. and i know this is rambly and not very put together but the point is that there’s a lot of contradictions to vince’s character, but not in the same way that we see contradictions in lilian’s character, for example. it’s not really opposing things like how we see for lilian, it’s more that vince is really complicated while also being surprisingly simple.

i wish i could nail this down exactly but unfortunately i am way too tired! but i may return to this concept and continue rambling about it. there are just so many lines for vince that hit different and really make me think about him. the ones i mentioned above (“so you do got a little fight left in you”, “more like a neurotic patient”, “how could you think you’d be better off without your family? without mine, i’d be...”, “i have enough problems without making ones that don’t need to exist”), but then there are a whole ton more, like... when he’s talking to jay about why he didn’t pursue flight school, he mentions that once michelle and zoe came into his life, he just had a new dream and the old one fell to the wayside. which is so important to me! and “fuck you, sheriff” haunts me, alongside lines like “it’s a/c by vince” and “no fear. gonna be awesome”. and like, come on, you can’t say vince is passive and fearful when he tells dale to his face “keep it in the gene pool” like COME ON!!! this man is insane and i haven’t even talked about his complex about his intelligence and appearance. oh my god

[zucchinibread777books]

We Are Okay Book Review

We Are Okay by Nina LaCour Book Review

Summary:

Marin managed to leave everything behind when she went off for college, but now that it’s winter break she is the last one on campus. She could sleep through this break, if it weren’t for a friend from the past coming to visit. Can she face the memories she has been avoiding and finally open up?

The Good:

Wow what an emotional book. This is the kind of story where nothing really happens, and yet we as readers are taken through a whole journey as we understand every little thing that led up to the main character’s current situation. It’s about grief and family and growth. I will say I cried at the end.

One thing about this book that really stood out to me is how much LaCour focused on each small detail of life that is usually ignored. I know it’s odd, but I really appreciate when an author can mention something normal like a character going to pee or brushing their teeth. These are things that are so often ignored but they add that extra layer of realism. It also didn’t have any real plot to it, which a lot of people wouldn’t enjoy as much, but if you like slower, more realistic books like I do then this is definitely for you.

I’m not going to pretend that I fully understand Marin’s decisions throughout this story, especially because I can’t imagine ever doing the same in her position, but in some ways I ended up getting it. The way her loneliness compounded from the specific kind of emotional neglect she was raised with (it wasn’t quite phrased like that in the story but emotional neglect was what she was going through), once everything was out in the open it made sense.

I’ve read a lot of stories recently where a main character acts out because of her situation and ends up hurting the people around them, but I never really felt like it was justified, and it made it hard to root for that character later. This book was different. Marin did do something that hurt those around her, but it wasn’t because she was lashing out or saying things that she shouldn’t, she just was so crushed by her grief and pain that she closed herself off for months. It’s the kind of thing that people can come back from.

Related to that, I was really happy with the other characters and how they handled everything. I didn’t feel like they were being unreasonable or unrealistic in their actions despite the months of time where they didn’t do quite as much. Watching them navigate Marin’s situation, they felt so real. Even the roommate, who we only really saw through Marin’s thoughts, was someone that I could really imagine meeting. I wouldn’t exactly call this found family, just because its sounds too tropey for how deep this book felt, but man am I glad that she found a family in the end.

It was the perfect length for what needed to be said, no problem was so drawn out that I got super frustrated.

Also I just love the cover.

The Bad:

I had one main problem with this story. The reveal of information was so slow, that I started to assume much worse things than what actually happened. There was so much build up to make it seem like her grandfather did something extremely horrible, bad enough that Marin wasn’t sure how she felt about his death. He was writing letters to someone who sent him a child’s dress, someone who he didn’t want his friends to know about, and he refused to talk about Marin’s mother……….I thought he was dating a child! I understand that the author wanted us to learn at the end but she really set it up to be much much worse than it actually was. I think it’s okay to tell the audience things and still have the character go through their internal struggle with acknowledging it, especially in this case where you could figure it out from the first clues but the build up made you think it must be more serious than that.

Honestly though, I don’t think that was a strong enough issue to take away from the story, and I think it was still very well written.

Overall:

I would definitely recommend this, and I can see myself rereading it in the future. I was between 4.5 and 5 stars to be honest, but I decided on this because I'm not sure it would be at the top of my reread list.

4.5 Stars

[tren-fraszka]

Yuletide 2023

Dear creator,

Thank you for taking your time to check my requests. I know my requests can sound a bit tricky, but please don’t be discouraged. I wish you will have good time writing first and foremost!

My AO3 is Tren, if you wish to check it out. I’m open to treats.

Likes: comedy, angst, casefics, canon compliants, canon divergences, AUs, time loops, bodyswaps, roleswaps, “being hoisted by your own petard” plotlines, snark, pettiness, rivals, enemies to friends to lovers, pining, bed sharing, violence, friendships, and character bonding,

DNW: explicit sex (makeouts and fade to black is okay), A/B/O, mpreg, rape depicted as positive (so no “it’s okay, because the other person enjoyed it/it was what they truly wanted”), trans headcanons, soulmate AUs, stories ending with surrender to fate/destiny, fourth wall breaking in canons where that doesn’t occur, character has cancer or other real-life terminal disease AU, word “queerplatonic”.

Also, I included what ships I’m okay with in each fandom. Please do not include any ships that aren’t canon and I have not allowed in those sections (if you feel really strongly about a ship I haven’t mentioned, you can always ask through mods just in case).

On a separate, but similar note, I’m okay with OCs as long as they don’t overshadow the characters I requested.

Additionally, while I almost never request fanart as possible medium, because I prefer my main gift to be fic, I would be very okay with receiving fanart treats. Also, feel free to peruse my old letters if you get your hands on them. I never stop being interested in fandoms, and if I requested something once I will still want it in the future.

                                       REQUESTS

REIGN OF SEVEN SPELLBLADES

I’m up to date with anime and read the first 3 volumes of manga.

Oliver Horn

Pete Reston

I'd equally love a genfic or shipfic with those two.

I just love how tropey “my roommate has magically changed gender and now I’m helping him keep it a secret” is. The moment I saw it I was sold. Especially, given that Oliver has plenty secrets of his own.

Also, the setting being just edgy Hogwart with swords is so good. I love how dangerous Kimberly is, and how well it captures the charm of magic with the madness of people who end up pursuing it too far and the system that encourages them to do just that.

I’d love an exploraion on how much changes about their cohabitation. Pete mentions wanting to set a curtain, but is it the only change that happens? If there are other changes, what prompts them? Are some changes only applicable to when he’s a woman and get removed if he turns back to his original gender (since it’s mentioned that reversi can change between genders)? Are there situations where Oliver has to help Pete protect his secret? How does he go about it?

For something more shippy, Oliver is teaching Pete swordfighting which is such a good opportunity for extra bodily contact with helping him adjust his stance and such. I’d love to see Pete getting distracted, while Oliver is just doing his best to be hundred percent professional teacher and try to ignore his feelings. Extra points for accidental sword-related double entendres.

I think an exploration of what happened after the anime's final arc wraps up would be very interesting, given just how intense that hug was when Oliver got reunited with Pete.

AUs and ships

I’d prefer no setting changes, I just really, really love the idea of Kimberly as this edgy take on Hogwart. Though as always I’d be open to canon divergences. Maybe Pete catches a hint of Oliver’s secret and tries to carefully figure out what’s going on. How would he react if he learned of his revenge? Would he try to stop Oliver? Alternatively, you could go into more angsty route where Pete's rescue in the final arc doesn't go as well as it did. I would honestly be fine even with tragic ending for this canon, given in how much danger everyone constantly is (including death of requested characters)

I’m fine with mentions of Oliver’s fascination with Nanao (and Pete potentially feeling jealous of Oliver giving her attention), but I don’t want an outright love triangle, or shipping Oliver and Pete with someone else

AKANE-BANASHI

I’m up to date with manga, feel free to include new development

Akane Ousaki

Hikaru Kouragi

Finally, classic shounen rivals - female version. I’m so glad we are finally here.

I'd love to see more of their competition. Maybe another clash at an event. Or maybe they both end up performing at the same event and use it as opportunity to set up a little competition. It'd also be cool to see them interact in a more casual setting. Maybe they accidentally run into each other while shopping and decide to stick together. Or they bond over seeing a particularly bad movie.

I'd love to see them becoming closer with every rakugo event that they meet at. Going together to rakugo events to watch other performers or maybe visiting places connected to the stories they’re working for inspiration. Would they try to help each other if either of them ran into trouble?

However, I'd also be very much into rivalry slowly turning into romance! How would a confession look like? Would it be something open, or would one of them slip it between the lines. Would there be pushback about them dating given how traditional rakugo it? I won’t be surprised if there had already been some gay relationships the rakugo community that were an open secret, but what if Akane and Hikaru decide to come in the open about their relationship

AUs and ships

I think a setting change could be pretty fun as long as the element of rivalry stays intact. Different time periods, fantasy AUs, or such could be really interesting for them. Maybe they’re singers now, or bards. I would also be very up for a fastforward to when they’re adults and their rakugo career is in full bloom. How had relationship between them changed? Or has it stayed pretty much the same?

Please don’t ship Akane and Hikaru with anybody else.

ENDING MAKER (WEBCOMIC)

Please no light novel spoilers. I’m keeping up to date with new chapters so feel free to include new developments.

Yuder Bayel | Outboxer009 & Cordelia Chace | Sandstorm

Two no-life gamers get transported into the world of the MMO they play and suddenly have to stop actual world-ending plot. While being engaged. If anyone can do it it’s them. And maybe they’ll even admit they are in love while they’re at it.

I think it would be interesting to explore their relationship before the story started. We got a small glimpse into their rivalry, but it would be fun to see more of their MMO misadventures, especially to contrast it with how they’re currently having to co-operate. Aside from the server rankings, did they engage in other competitions? PvP? Guild versus guild events? Were they racing to see who can get the newest armour or weapon from raids?

For something happening after they became their avatars, it would be intersting to see them doing engagement activities when they don’t have a direct incentive in the form of some quest they’re trying to complete. Maybe they have to attend some sort of festival together as a part of their noble duties. How do they feel about all those little buildups to the fact that someday they may have to get married? I feel like they may initially come at it from the perspective of engagement being a part of the game, but then slowly start to feel the weight of their responsibilites since their engagement has real impact on their new families.

I’m also basic and always there for those two no-lifes abusing game lore and mechanics. Feel free to go wild with some orginal adventure or side-quest

Yuder Bayel | Outboxer009

I would really love a look into Yuder’s struggles with his illness. It’s one thing to struggle a bit with the gameplay and another to actually have to live through an affliction that leaves you very weakened. He acts pretty nonchalant about it when interacting with Cordelia, but is he really that unaffected? He mentions spending the first two days of his new life as Yuder bedridden and that must be one terrible first impression of the new world.

I’d also enjoy seeing more off his interactions with Maia and his family. How exactly does he feel about suddenly having a new family? Is he managing to balance everything or is he putting up a front? How well is he adjusting to actually using a sword?

Cordelia Chace | Sandstorm

I love that out of the two protagonists she’s the brawns of the team despite being the mage, more prone to choosing direct violence. It’s also obvious that she still carries hangups about being forever second in the rankings. Is her new situation helping her slowly overcome those issues or are they getting worse? How does she feel about actually being able to use magic?

What was her initial reaction to becoming Cordelia? Was she happy to become a character she loves or despaired thinking of all the tragedies that awaited her in the near future? What did she think of her engagement before she discovered that Yuder was Outboxer009?

AUs and ships

I prefer no setting changes for this story, but would be up for some canon divergences both befor and after the start of the story. Maybe Outboxer009 and Sandstorm accidentally met in real life (but didn’t realize that). Maybe the events they encounter after being transported the to the game worlds aren’t actually identical with the game and they run into complications due to that. Also please consider - status effect shenanigans.

I ship Cordelia/Yuder and Maia/Dalia

MACHIKADO MAZOKU (ANIME)

I watched both anime seasons, but haven’t read the manga yet. Please don’t spoil developments that weren’t yet in anime.

All three characters don’t have to be included, but I want the story to focus on at least two of them. I like the relationships both as platonic and romantic and would be equally happy for genfic or shipfic

Chiyoda Momo & Yoshida “Shamiko” Yuuko

Do I even need to explain? Those two are just perfect together - a depressed magical girl finding love and acceptance with very clumsy demon who makes the dark side look way more tempting than it ever should have been.

I’m definitely here for both Shamiko trying to pull Momo out of depression through her “evil” schemes and for some more serious plot. Whether it be cute moments of bonding or Shamiko proving her worth when her friends or family are in danger, I’m here for it.

I would be up to more outings of those two. Maybe they go to aquarium or movies? Or maybe Momo requires more mental support and has Shamiko dive into her dreams (this time consensually) to help her deal with some sort of bad memory or recurring nightmare. What if some rouge demon or magical girl came into town and started causing trouble? How would our duo resolve it? Are there more secrets left behind by Momo’s sister than need to be solved?

Chiyoda Momo & Lico 

I love that despite all the animositiy Lico has towards magical girls she's still clearly willing to help Momo, even if she does prank her in the process. I'd love to see the process of Lico slowly warming up to her. Obviously, she only helps her at first, because of Shamiko, but I feel like she does start to appreciate Momo on her own, even if it mostly manifest through pranks and attempts at making Momo eat weird things.

I'd love any scenario where Shamiko is busy/sick/indisposed and Momo and Lico have to join forces to deal with whatever weird thing is happening in town, because they feel indebted to Shamiko. I'd love all the banter they'd get up to. Or maybe they just try to throw a surprise party for Shamiko, but keep trying to one up each other which results in a whole lot of shenanigans.

Yoshida “Shamiko” Yuuko & Lico

I would love some work shenanigans and maybe a more extended look on Shamiko's newfound career. How much Lico helps her and how much does she leave Shamiko to struggle on her own? How do they handle more problematic guests? Are there regulars that Shamiko had to interact more regularly with? Are there times when Lico's culinary experiments cause some unintended side effects for clients?

Yoshida “Shamiko” Yuuko & Chiyoda Momo & Lico

I really loved the addition of Lico to the cast. She’s such an chaos element, because at one moment she’s extremly useful and the second she’ll be trying to spike your food with suspicious herbs. Just 100% trickster fox and I love her for that.

I found her relationship with both Shamiko and Momo extremely compelling. She’s a bit of a cunning senpai for Shamiko, obviously happy to teach her, but definitely not above a harmless prank here and there. On the other hand, there’s Momo, who visibly reminds Lico of her bad experiencess in the past, but at the same time she’s very willing to help Momo, but not without being very snarky about it and pranking her like there’s no tomorrow. I feel like that complex relationship between the characters is so good.

I would be curious to explore Lico’s point of view when it comes to Momo’s descent to the dark side. Is that the reason why she warmed up to Momo despite her bad experiences? Does she have some specific hangups that she needs to work through before she can truly accept her? Does Lico want to influence Shamiko’s development as a demon in some way, or is she satisfied helping her along on the path Shamiko choose herself? Does she try to teach Shamiko some of her magic? What if Lico engaged in some pranking that got out of hand and now is desperately trying to hide the truth from Shamiko and Momo by creating a fake villain?

AUs and ships

I don’t want any setting changes, but would very much enjoy other AU shenanigans. What if Sakura was still around and trying to play a matchmaker? What if something goes wrong when Shamiko dives into Momo’s dream and they end up bodyswapping? What if Momo also started working in the cafe? Time loop could be very fun for this fandom.

TOTAL FANTASY KNOCKOUT

I’m fine with story based on either anime or manga, I’m caught up with both.

Jinguuji Tsukasa

Tachibana Hinata

Childhood friends who are practically inseparable and strongly dependent on each other? That’s already perfect, but now throw into it a crazy goddess who isekais both of them, turns one of them into a girl, throws an unspecified curse, and forces those two to confront the fact that their feelings for each other might go beyond friendship? That’s beyond perfect. That’s galaxy brain and I want more of that mishmash of tropes.

I’m all about everyday interactions and weird rpg shenanigans they get into, so you can never go wrong with leaning into it. But for something else: What if at some point one of them got returned back to their original world? How would the other cope? Would they be able to establish communication between the two worlds? How would they go about reuniting?

I would love to see them taking their relationship a step further. I crave all the awkwardness that’s going to come with those two idiots trying to figure out how to admit their feelings to each other. And the inevitable defeat of any villains who get in the way of them having a moment. Will Jinguuji and Tachibana try to go on a date with a disasterous results? Will Jinguuji desperately try to find a dating manual in another world? And will they be able to enjoy a romantic moment without “CHARMED” status ruining it?

I also love the new development in manga with Love Goddess reappearing and messing things up even more. I’d absolutely love if you delved into those new changes!

Feel free to include any other characters, they are a colorful bunch. Though if you want a suggestion, I’m very partial to Schwartz and Shen

AUs and ships

I don’t want setting changes, though I would enjoy seeing a different spin on how those two dorks get isekaied and under what circumstances they end up inflicting the wrath of Goddess of Love. Or I would love an AU where the goddess doesn’t succeed in her first killing attempt, so she keeps trying to isekai Tachibana and Jinguuji keeps foiling her plans every time (or maybe he fails at some point?). What if the curse placed by the goddess manifests in some other ridiculous ways? What if Shwartz wormed his way into the protagonists’ party and third-wheeled like only he can?

Feel free to include any one-sided crushes from canon.

SOUSOU NO FRIEREN

I read new manga chapters as they get translated so feel free to incorporate anything from the manga that’s available in English.

Frieren

I love how this manga is a slow-paced fantasy dealing with loss and inevitable passage of time. And I love Frieren for being one of the best depictions of an elf whose long life actually affects their outlook on life and actions.

I love the intersection of Frieren’s present with her charges and the past with hero party. What other shenanigans did the hero party get into on their journey? What kind of weird magic Frieren pursued? Maybe some more insight into how they fought with demons, since Frieren seemed to have picked up a number of enemies during that time. Or Frieren's attempt at being mentor to Fern and Stark.

For some more specific prompts: maybe Frieren accidentally stumbles ona cursed item that erases her memories (or just her memories of Himmel). How would it affect her? What would the party do to help her? Or maybe a demon kidnaps someone from Frieren’s party. What if Frieren and Himmel ended up stranded in enemy terriory during their travels, having to survive. Maybe they have to pretend to be demons?

I also greatly enjoy the current manga arc and would love anything set during it. Is Frieren going to try to quell some of her regrets furing this adventure?

If you are also a fellow enjoyer of Fern/Stark, I think a story where Fern watches their budding romance and reflects on her own relationship with Himmel would be interesting. Especially if it makes her realize she had missed some very obvious flirting attempts.

AUs and ships

I’m fine with AUs as long as Frieren’s long lifespan is preserved. Her perspective is very much shaped by how long she has lived, so I wouldn’t want that aspect to change. One exception would be, a roleswap where Himmel is an elf, while Frieren is a human, and exploration of how both of them would be affected by having a different lifespan. An AU with mythological creatures or similar could also be interesting.

I would very much love Himmel/Frieren, though I also enjoy how the manga softly builds on their connection. I also enjoy the budding romance between Fern and Stark.

[troglobite]

watching this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J1Qhuu9iJ-s

and like okay

he rates brokeback mountain as honestly homophobic, and i’m like....

okay i get it. his explanation makes sense.

however

it did make me realize that i don’t necessarily categorize brokeback mountain in my mental “queer/gay movies” database. it just goes in “sad romantic movies i love for some reason” and it’s there almost entirely by itself, idk if i could name another one. lol

idk why! i just love it! i know everyone in it and around it and writing it and making it was straight! the anal sex scene was straight up like “hold on, y’all have clearly never even considered this bc um--NO! oh yikes oh wow oh god nooooo”

like clearly! bad tropey things!

but just--something abt the characters and the way we follow their lives and everything that happens...idfk, man. i just love ennis. the acting is impeccable. it’s just a “slice of life” movie that extends over decades and something abt that gets to me. 

the trying and failing. the striving. the day to day. the quotidian. the quiet pain. the aspirations. 

and how they just. always end up coming back together. 

the sad ending sucks, milking it for gay trauma porn sucks, i get it. 

but idfk, man, it feels emotionally earned, to me. clearly--and he says it in the video--movies like this just aren’t his bag. and that’s fine!

this is not the pinnacle of queer cinema, to me, bc it’s only queer in its content. 

but i just genuinely love the cathartic crying that happens every time i watch the movie. 

the one thing i had to pause the video and Process over was him being like “i don’t get the emotional gut punch at the end” and i about lost my fucking mind. lol

you mean you don’t get--

how a repressed guy who’s just tried to live a good life and be good and kind and honest

and regrets so many things that he did and didn’t do

who just found out that the one man who represented freedom and joy to him for his whole life, and who he genuinely loved--is dead

goes into his room bc the guy’s mom understands, he’s being accepted for the first time

and what does he find there?

his shirt. that went missing. all those years ago. jack kept it. a memory of a shitty moment. but it had him on it. 

a moment of regret--shame and selfishness and love and desire and hope. 

they felt the same. all this time doubting himself and second guessing and regretting things. and here’s proof that he doesn’t need to regret anything. and additionally, the still piled on regret that perhaps they could’ve had more. if he’d just been ~brave. GOD the swirl of emotions and conflict in that moment.

and ennis goes back home. and his daughter visits w her fiancee or whatever. 

and there’s the shirt.

carrying both jack’s memory forward and reminding ennis to be braver and happier and letting him know and remember that he was loved. 

and his ending isn’t like. sad. it’s just--honestly? about average for any divorced man at that time and place. it’s not weak or pathetic, it’s standard fare. which is sort of all he wanted, though not exactly as he pictured or wanted it. 

what he missed out on was having more with jack--but at the risk of everything else. //sigh

ANYWAY sorry i got too into it, i just always, at any given moment, have a million feelings about this fucking movie. 

it’s definitely not everyone’s bag or cup of tea. it is not the best gay movie ever made. it doesn’t even go on my gay recs list. just in general i love this movie. to me, it’s understated and quiet and beautiful, and everyone involved was so fucking committed to the story. everyone knocked it out of the fucking park.

michelle williams? are you kidding me? incredible. fucking amazing. alma as a character is so painful and conflicted and interesting. you feel for her, even though we don’t get to learn as much abt her. even same with anne hathaway!

the reason it feels boring is bc life there is often very boring in its own way. life can be slow. life can be simple. people can be simple and straightforward. and that’s okay. but finding the worth in continuing on, and in the small moments, is like. important. idk, it just also feels. nice in that way. to be reminded of how much life there is in a place that’s barren and unwelcoming in so many respects. that shit still happens and still matters. 

GOD okay i need to chill tf out. he’s not wrong, in his video! i get it! i just absolutely love this movie so much. //sigh. 

[thealexchen]

Highlights of the Katy and Erika Q&A

Link to the Q&A! https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1161022793 

- Erika’s first audition with a scene partner was with Han Soto (Gabe)! Neither of them had gotten their parts yet, but Han still called “I’ll see you on set!” over his shoulder as he was leaving. Erika also said that he was a wonderful mentor figure and also someone who gave her a lot of shit, like an older brother would.

- THEY ANSWERED MY QUESTION!!! 😭 I had asked, "Since you were working on this game for several years, how do you think your performance or skills as an actor changed over time as you got to know your character better?"

Erika explained that in an early callback, she had to act out Gabe’s death scene and got into the moment by imagining that her little brother Evan had died. Later on she realized that it wasn’t healthy or sustainable to go to such dark places mentally over and over: “It's great to bring your lived experience in but not at the at the level of sacrificing your own health.” She later referred to the Lucid Body Technique invented by a dancer named Fay Simpson that she learned while on an acting retreat in Creed, CO (”Fun fact, Creed is actually a small mining town that was saved by theater!”). Instead of calling up traumatic memories, Erika focused on where that emotion “lives” in her body, accessed them safely, and was able to bring herself back to the present moment. Katy also mentioned she studied the technique in college. All super interesting stuff!

- Han pulled so many pranks on set that Webb (performance director) and Corwin (mocap producer) forced him to limit it to “one prank per day... on Erika.” He managed to jumpscare her every time and when she tried to get him back, “He didn’t even blink. I was like ‘What the fuck is going on?”

- Alex evolved a lot over the course of writing the game. Apparently the first iteration of Alex was a lot more like Chloe-- very bitter, brittle and with a lot of repressed anger-- but that got softened as they developed Alex’s power and as Erika brought more of herself to the performance.

- Apparently Gabe’s death scene was fun to film because when Gabe got knocked off the cliff, Erika got pulled in a sled to simulate Alex being pulled toward the edge while tied to Gabe. So they did a million takes of that and Erika just got to sit in a sled. Meanwhile Katy was at a butterfly garden down the street.

- Another fun scene (apparently) was when Alex fell down the mineshaft at the end of chapter 4 and the beginning of chapter 5, as Erika describes: “They basically rigged me up to a swing, like a sex swing-- not a sex swing. I mean, I walked in and I think that was my first question. I was like ‘Is that a sex swing? What are we filming today? I didn’t get these scripts.’” Cue the chat going insane.

What actually happened was she hung onto a board and two pulleys dropped on either side of her so she fell onto a crash pad. Apparently Webb practiced before and “really bruised the shit out of his ribs.”

- The “The crowd is really picking up on my energy. Haaaaa we love you Alex! Haaaaa Steph sucks!” line during the foosball game was entirely improvised by Erika, just having fun on set. Erika also admits she’s very chatty and just enjoyed getting to know her castmates so that they were already all friends when they acted together.

- Webb sent Han and Erika on a day trip to Idaho Springs early in production to bond and of course Han suggested they go gambling (Erika added, “Which of course is something that Gabe would do! Like ‘Let’s go do something sinful.”) They also played with Han’s drone. Katy went to see one of Erika’s plays in Colorado!

- When asked about what Erika would do if she had Alex’s powers: “I think it would be a cool power too because there’s so much covering that happens with all of us in social settings and professional settings. And being able to have insight into what’s really going on would probably create the need to be a much a kinder, generous, forgiving person, which are things that I’m always working on. I don’t think you could not become that.”

- Erika on Asian representation in True Colors: "[Alex is] not the best friend, she's not the tiger mom, she's her own fully realized, three dimensional person with flaws and goals and dreams and things she wished she could do over again. And I think that, for me, as somebody who grew up not seeing people who looked like me in movies-- and that's why Lucy Liu was such a fucking huge deal-- but the fact that D9 didn't do it in a tropey way was incredible. I know how important that Alex is a woman of color. She doesn't fit the mold of typical video game female bodies either, which I think is amazing."

- Erika lowkey hated the mocap suits. She couldn’t understand why Katy didn’t mind them and said “Katy. Katy. Katy.” “No it was so comfy it was like I was in my jammies!” “I remember you said that and I was like ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?! This is not comfortable!’”

- Erika’s advice to aspiring creatives: “Don’t let the fear of being bad at something stop you.”

- E: “I feel like I've been talking a lot" K: “This is your interview!" E: “Yeah I know but your voice is better.” K: “What?! MA’AM. MA’AM??”

- When Erika and Katy talk about teleportation as a superpower: “Or like when you wake up in the middle of the night and you have to pee, like ‘Should I just pee my pants? Or should I walk to the-- it’s just so far.”

- When Erika mentioned she grew up with a Golden Retriever the chat went “RYAN THE GOLDEN RETRIEVER”

- Erika’s closing remarks: I cannot wait for y’all to play the DLC because Wavelengths is gonna be the shit. And I’m gonna tell you why! Because it’s all about Steph! Which means it’s all about Katy! It’s gonna be so fucking good you guys. It’s gonna be beautiful. It’s gonna be funny. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll want to live in Haven Springs even more. You’ll want to marry Katy Bentz. What more could you ask for?? K: Could you be my hype woman forever please?

[phoenixyfriend]

Re; Ahsoka and Quinlan being the same age, now I'm picturing Ahsoka, Quinlan, and Rex eventually ending up in a weird sorta thruple where Quinlan comes in and out of the relationship but the door is kinda always open for him? And Rex spends a lot of mornings eyeing the tangle of orange and brown skin on the other side of the bed like he has no idea how he ended up here but he's (mostly) okay with that tbh

Context: Commander Buir in chronological order

YES okay so this is wild to me that people are invested in this but like half the time-travel fics with Ahsoka in the same age-group as Quinlan have me wondering if I should ship them. Let me just. Ho shit.

So, okay, I've explored a lot of possible dynamics but there's something really engaging about how Quinlan, trained as a Shadow before the Sith came back, could react to a War Padawan. Ahsoka isn't really infiltration material yet, she's very much a frontline fighter, but she's got a lot more experience with a kind of consistent dark atmosphere that most Jedi don't. They get exposed to plenty of dark stuff, sure, but not the kind of all-encompassing "this is my life for the last two years" thing that is usually reserved for the long-term field agents like Shadows and Watchmen.

The War Padawans, for all that they were supposed to be just normal Jedi Padawans, were living in the kind of consistently negative environment that's normally experienced by those Knighted Sentinels.

So Ahsoka, while still generally pretty young in these AUs, is a very odd kind of person to be around, because she's spunky and vivacious and snippy and affectionate and snarky and knows how to break every bone in your body from harrowing experience as the only thing standing between death and thousands of brothers.

And Quinlan, I imagine, really likes that about her. She gets it, and she's still an energetic and loving and trying to do her best to be a good person despite everything. He gravitates towards her and she... well, she's not blind. She can tell he's interested. And she's not upset about that.

ANYWAY, ONTO REX

So, Rex is... technically twelve. He hasn't exactly got a whole lot of experience with romance. He is also, up until the point of time-travel, legal property of the Senate and the Jedi Order, which means that Ahsoka, or at least her community, owns him. He was indoctrinated to serve her and that community. She also outranks him, for all that she usually lets him take the lead in the field due to experience. He's older than her physically and maturity-wise, but she's also had a grow-up-faster-than-you-should adolescence, and she has superpowers.

What I'm saying is, the power dynamic is fucked up.

(Unironically I spent hours last night realizing that it balances out a lot more than C*dywan does, which I'm censoring because by god do I not want discourse on this post. I like both ships, and don't want to argue about what's the most problematic. It's Star Wars. The only unproblematic ships are Bail/Breha and Owen/Beru.)

Here's the thing, though, because the main thing people seem to argue here is the age/maturity difference as a problem area:

The age difference in actual time is four years, which is smaller than the two main ships of the franchise (Han/Leia and Padme/Anakin, to be clear). The age difference in maturity is ??? We'll say that the clones started aging normally after they hit twenty, so the age difference in maturity is six years... which is still normal for SW ships.

(This is why I don't have any issues with the ship in a post-O66 context, once they've had a few years to move past the traumas and whatnot. The age stuff all evens out with time, they're a good team, and neither was grooming the other. It's not objectively any more problematic than most SW ships at that point, and I'm okay with that. They deserve to be happy if they want.)

But they get yanked away from all that structure of who owns what, who reports where, who has which rank, who's legally a person in the eyes of the Republic when they end up on Dagobah. Once they've registered when they are, the only remaining complications are:

He grew up in a cultlike environment and was indoctrinated to serve her (but has been replacing that indoctrination with genuine respect and affection for her as a person because they've worked together for two years).

She has superpowers (contextually not a big problem: we see several Force-Sensitive/Non-Sensitive ships that don't consider those powers a complicating element)

He's several years younger than her (canonically less of an issue than it could be: Cut got married and has kids) and has next to no experience with what a normal romance looks like except for hanging out on the edges of whatever the fuck his General has going on with the Senator

She's several years less mature than he is (...something of an issue)

So a lot of this is mostly okay. She feels weird about the fact that she's got more knowledge of romance and all that it entails. He feels weird about the fact that, despite her being older, he looks at her and sees someone that's still a little young, not quite a shiny. Except she is older than him, and he's seen her behead four people in a single move, and they've saved each other's lives more times than either of them can count anymore. He respects her, and the fact that she's babyfaced doesn't change the fact that, in terms of who they are as people and warriors, they're on a level playing field.

She still looks at him and mourns his lost childhood, and he still looks at her and takes a moment to see past the too-big eyes and adolescent proportions.

But they really, really care about each other, and maybe part of them is starting to recognize that there's a bit of a crush before they time-travel, but neither one wants to make a move. There's a lot of baggage on both sides, a lot of "but they're a child" and "but they're (literally vs functionally) below me in the chain of command, I can't take advantage of that" and all that fun stuff. It's the kind of situation where two people circle each other for ages without making a move, because actually making that move is terrifying on account of not knowing whether the other party knows they can say no, on top of the usual "what if it ruins our friendship?" thing.

What happens on Dagobah, though... is very tropey. They're sort of stranded until Ahsoka can fix the ship, and that takes time. The area is also very heavy with the Force, dense and heady with the energy it carries, and it's... actually really not great for Ahsoka. She keeps feeling like she's back on Mortis, and has nightmares from the trigger there, but also keeps hallucinating because she wasn't ready for the thickness of the energy (like Yoda) or still new enough to the Force that she couldn't feel how dense it all was (like Luke). She can't work on the engines as constantly as she'd like to get them out of there, and while Rex is a competent mechanic, he's not as skilled with it as the girl who jumped headfirst into lessons with Anakin.

Rex spends a lot of time holding Ahsoka and wiping her brow with a wet cloth while she's feverish and out of it. Yes we're going full Florence Nightingale romance here, let me have my fun.

They get the communications relay working earlier than the engine, find out the year is wrong, panic a bit. All is well. (It's not, but they're holding it together for now.)

Ahsoka keeps working on the engine when she's lucid. Rex keeps hunting up game and edible plants for them while she does. They cuddle at night, because it's not cold but it is empty of the people they care about, and they kind of want that reassurance of someone they trust and love at their back.

(Morai visits.)

(Daughter shows up in the nightmares, tells Ahsoka that age will not come for her beloved until the time is natural for it. The phrasing is dumb but she does manage to convey that the accelerated aging is no longer an issue, if it even was after they hit adulthood. Ahsoka is relieved.)

And, you know, emotions happen. She takes his hand while they're leaning up against each other. He kisses her forehead while she's having a bad spell. They cook together and tell jokes to keep sane and spar. They hug each other through nightmares and panic attacks. There is much blushing. There is much cuddling.

Once, they kiss.

They break apart, flushing and stammering and being very awkward about the whole thing, and make excuses to leave and panic about the fact that they!! Kissed!!!!!

A couple hours later they find each other again, and have a long and complicated discussion about why they like each other (war makes bedfellows, there's trust and affection and all that fun stuff) and why they're hesitant (age stuff, maturity stuff, prior indoctrination), and make the decision to take it slow. They cuddle, and kiss, and blush a lot because both of them are basically just dumb teens having their first real relationship.

They eventually leave the planet, make it to Coruscant, etc. It takes a bit for anyone except Obi-Wan to realize that something's changed between them. Most people didn't know them before, and Anakin's observation skills are currently at a very low ebb. But they sit together and hold hands, and flirt when they spar, and once or twice people find them kissing (both standard and Keldabe) in a corner while holding hands and then just smiling at each other like loons.

They end up rooming together because nobody has the heart to separate them after hearing about all the war stuff. Like yes attachment's bad, but these two do seem to understand loss of loved ones and recognize that they could lose each other at any time and death is natural and they won't lose their entire shit about it, and if even General Kenobi is anxious as hell about being separated from the people he fought side-by-side with for two years, then maybe it's just... really normal for those two to want each other's company, and everyone can just turn a blind eye to the romance happening.

They share a bed, but they only ever sleep in it. Like, there's some goodnight kisses and cuddles, but everything is very G-rated until they've had time to settle into being true equals instead of just the "well, I guess the power dynamics balance out? Maybe?" of before.

And just... yeah. Rex does not believe that he's in this good of a position whenever he has the time to think about it. He's got a girlfriend! A really pretty, smart, strong, skilled one! Who thinks he's a cool dude! How the fuck did a clone like him manage that? He wasn't even legally a person a year ago, how did he end up in bed with one of the most amazing people he's ever met? He spends multiple nights just staring at her while he tries to fall asleep, asking himself how he got here and just like... marveling at her. She's worth marveling at. He's in love and she's amazing and he has no idea how to handle it at all.

...yeah no I have a lot of feelings now.

[commander-diomika]

[Image ID: Screenshot of a tumblr reply from user @weareallfromearth ​​ saying “Holy shit I would V much like to know what you’d do with ZolfWilde.” End ID]

This was in response to me tag rambling that if Alex “I don’t Actually Have That Much Experience in Courtship” Newall and Ben “I just Realised I’m Too Straight For This” Meredith don’t know what to do with Zolf/Wilde, they should hand the ship over to me. 

*rubs my gay little hands together.*

I initially characterized them offhandedly as Enemies-to-Lovers but that’s not quite it, is it? On reflection I would say it’s more of an Opposites Attract situation.

Oscar Wilde, as re-imagined in the RQG universe, is a homme fatale; a dangerous, attractive man, skilled in encouraging people to underestimate him, wearing different masks, never quite being able to trust or be trusted by anyone.

There is NO personal/professional line for Wilde. He lives his work, and his work is subterfuge and interpersonal manipulation. (whether or not he started this way in his field as a journalist, or was forced to become this way by the changes in his world, is another post.) He is a person who either cares very deeply what people think of him, or is has decided that manipulating what people think of him is the way to get what he wants, and from the outside it makes no difference.

Zolf Smith does not care what people think of him. He isn’t even skilled at being kind and empathetic to people he cares about; he has no time for emotional manipulation or genuine charm. He doesn’t even have a fantastic grasp on his OWN feelings, let alone other people’s. He’s grounded, disinterested in frippery or appearances. Which is why Zolf and Wilde started out so deeply at odds with one another.

Despite the differences in the interpersonal approaches, they have plenty of common ground.

They are both deeply dedicated to a cause. They care about their work to the exclusion of all else. They are both pragmatists who have their own internal moral code, and are willing to bend or break other people’s rules in order to get the job done. They are fundamentally good people. Despite their rocky beginnings, they can respect each other because of these things.

And they might have maintained their mutually disdainful, begrudgingly respectful working relationship and that could have been the sum total... Except then the world fell apart. The Meritocratic organisation was initially compromised, then disintegrated. The blue vein plague isolated everyone and made it even harder to trust supposed allies. The Cult of Hades was on everyone’s ass making their life difficult, the other PCs disappeared off the face of the planet. Zolf and Wilde ended up in a situation where they had no one else they could trust.

Familiarity breeds contempt, but maybe if the contempt is already there, it builds Something Else. Wilde was stripped of his magic in a way that made it much harder for him to keep people at a distance and (pardon the pun) project the illusion of the debonair playboy. Zolf would have had the chance to see through Wilde’s masks, and get a better understanding of what parts of Wilde were a calculated tactic, and what was his genuine self.

Whatever betrayal transpired that gave Wilde his scar and hardened him, Zolf was privy to. He was either there and saw it happen, or he was close enough in the aftermath to see Wilde properly vulnerable for the first time in their friendship. Hell, maybe Zolf was the one who rescued him and patched him up. That was a chance for Zolf to realise that this insufferable man is a friend who he cares about deeply. At this point, he’s cared for awhile, but has been too wrapped up with his own spiritual difficulties to have space to admit that to himself.

And Wilde, oh Wilde, he’s desperate to be seen and known and loved, but he’s never allowed himself. He’s never felt SAFE to. He doesn’t let people get close, treats every conversation as a battle to be won. His safety and his power lies in being admired, but never loved. So even as trust and fondness for Zolf blossoms within him, he won’t for a second allow himself to hope that the fondness is reciprocated

With all that out of the way, this is my version of events.  

Wilde is a slut (affectionate), and Zolf is gray-ace, so if there’s any bridging of that gap in terms of physical intimacy, it has to be from Zolf’s side. Giving canon a tender massage into place, that first instance of Zolf grabbing Wilde by the collar changes. (This happens on the Vengeance after Zolf has taught Wilde to steer the ship). Zolf drags Wilde down to say “I’m glad to see you perked up.” That moment now involves a whiskery kiss on Wilde’s cheek, and the man would be absolutely FLOORED by it.

I’m talking slow-mo glittering lights as Zolf stomps off blushing, unsure what just came over him; Wilde touches his cheek in bewilderment for a stretched moment before realising he’s completely agog, and he let go of the wheel for a dangerous length of time. Every interaction, every moment they’ve spent together over the last two years is flashing before Wilde’s eyes and a new context is being applied rapid fire. I’m talking the italacised oh kind of moment.

(on top of Zolf being witness to The Betrayal, throw some other moments of almost-intimacy into said flashbacks. I’m talking late nights, Zolf doing his gruff-yet-kind caretaker thing, cooking for Wilde, maybe sharing quiet and rare downtime with Zolf reading a Campbell novel on a couch in Wilde’s office)

Wilde is realising, “Oh this is allowed, oh this is reciprocated, this is possible.”

And of course they don’t talk about it, because what’s a slowburn if they immediately go and TALK about their feelings? No, the kiss goes completely unremarked upon, and Wilde continues to needle and tease and get under Zolf’s skin, except now with an added warmth in his eyes because he finally gets it. He finally understands that Zolf cares, that Zolf loves him, he’s just not the kind of dwarf that knows how to express it.

And Zolf, frustrated by feelings he can’t express but is beginning to understand, can hear the undertone of “haha, you looooove me,” shining through Wilde’s deliberate antagonism. They continue their time on the Vengeance just a little easier and closer to one another.

And we continue on to the death/resurrection arc, and Wilde’s spirit pushes for Zolf to open up about his feelings, because if not when he’s literally past death’s door, then when? When Zolf finally manages his “I need you,” it’s like a dam has broken for both of them. The second collar-grab and “We’ll go on a holiday or somethin’,” is now followed by a full kiss on the lips, not particularly erotic but passionate, (it’s the epitome of kissing someone to shut them up) and Wilde makes a surprised and delighted squeak that he would be glad he can’t quite remember when he returns to land of the living.

Once returned, Wilde might not remember everything that his spirit said or did, but he remembers the kiss. The comfort and ease that the two of them share in 179 (Eat Drink and Be Merry) is there, only instead of the two characters still being in a place of questioning their feelings for one another, it’s been answered.

Whether or not this relationship is sexual in nature is kind of up to you and what kind of fan works you like to read/write. I think there are wonderful scenes to be written an explored in many directions.

Wilde allowing himself to enjoy sex for intimacy and closeness instead of using it as a tool/ Zolf not being one for sex but Wilde’s never slept more soundly than when he’s being held in Zolf’s arms/ Zolf realising that the unfamiliar feeling he’s been struggling to express is the desire to rail Wilde til he cries/ Wilde realising that if his partner doesn’t want it from him, he’s actually quite content without sex/ The two of them being mean, antagonistic bastards to each other while fucking but Make It Kink (of the trusting and RACK kind). There really isn’t a single bad interpretation.  

So really, I’m not doing anything different with them other than reading between the lines, giving canon a little nudge, and sticking the landing. This isn’t to disparage the concept of queer platonic partners. (I’ve got one!) or to talk shit about Ben or Alex (I DO respect their craft).

It’s just to say I find these two characters , and everything they’ve been through, PAINFULLY romantic, tropey, and delightful. I’m looking forward both to how Ben and Alex play the QPP, the fanworks I’m gonna read and hopefully write, and the inevitable tragedy that you KNOW Alex is gearing up for.

[lesbiradshaw]

my favourite thing to do with my friends in grades above me when i was younger was to pop my head into their rooms and say hi and i just like to think about steve and bucky being one grade apart but Everyone knows theyre best friends because theyll (specifically bucky i feel like) pop their heads into each others rooms or the windows to the other persons classrooms and it is just . too cute

in ca:fv the prelude comic for tfa, steve and bucky first meet because steve is getting beat up by some other boys in an alley for refusing to pay to cross the street back towards his apartment. bucky saves him, steve refuses to say thank you because he would’ve “worn them down eventually!” (literally like every meet cute between a stubborn x exasperated couple), bucky makes a remark about how steve would’ve had to wait until they died of old age, and ofc bc steve is steve he gets suspicious about bucky talking to him so he tries to fight bucky too until bucky calls him cowboy and says he’s an inspiration … now i’m thinking about how steve probably made a habit of waiting a little while to walk home after school to try and avoid those guys because even if he did want to pay them, he can’t afford to, and frankly having to fight people just to get to your apartment every day is exhausting.

maybe he sat on the steps and read or stayed after class and helped the teacher clap the erasers to be helpful … maybe that’s how he got into drawing, trying to kill time after school. him doing that every day and not even minding because he’d only be going home to be alone until his ma got off work anyways :( falling into the routine of it and being kinda content with how it (usually) helps him avoid the guys trying to make him pay until ofc he meets bucky !!!! and bucky is so confused about not ever seeing steve when he walks home from school because he knows steve should be taking a similar route. after a week or two of waiting to see if he’ll run into him again, bucky probably just gives up because he’s a preteen boy and preteen boys are not known to be patient. he knows steve goes to the same school as him but he��s a grade below so bucky doesn’t have classes with him and he can never seem to find him during their lunch hour (because steve is definitely the type to spend it holed up in some corner or at a table where there aren’t as many people).

but thennnnnn! bucky has to leave a little later after school one day, maybe because he’s giving one of his teachers back a book they let him borrow (reader bucky my beloved) or because he was with some girl behind the building … either way that’s the day where he finally sees steve again, sitting on the steps with his sketchbook and a pencil doodling away. and since this is bucky, he doesn’t hesitate in plopping down right next to him and getting straight to the point of: “why haven’t i seen you around anywhere, rogers? you lie about where you live or something?” and steve is so surprised that bucky is talking to him again because everyone in their school knows who he is … he’s bucky barnes. everyone loves him. he’s smart, he’s handsome, he’s good at sports, and here he is staying after school just to talk to steve rogers, who no one seems to notice unless they’re beating him up. IDGAF IF THATS TOO TROPEY I KNOW ITS WHAT HAPPENED!!!!! i have exactly 0 evidence for this in canon but WHO CARES!

steve eventually admitting to bucky that he tries not to go home so soon because of those guys bothering him and bucky’s solution just being “well, if your ma isn’t home, you can just come to mine” and that’s now they become best friends :) they start walking to bucky’s together almost every day, and after sarah finally meets bucky she says he’s good to come over to their apartment as long as they don’t do anything crazy while she isn’t home. bucky and steve starting to each lunch together, steve showing bucky the quiet places where he likes to sit, bucky introducing steve to some of the friends he has in his grade, steve warming up to being social a little more … steve definitely had other friends outside of bucky because he’s a genuinely nice guy who is shown to try, but i think he definitely had a hard time figuring out how to open up to people when he was younger (and wasn’t given the opportunity most of the time), so the fact that bucky was the one to step in and insert himself into steve’s life …

yeah :( bucky will forever be his first friend in that way. the two of them are so … i know bucky took every chance he could to talk to steve in the hallway or wave to him through the window … absolutely took every chance he could to deliver other teachers notes when he knew steve would be in their classroom just so he could make faces at him when the teacher was turned and probably slip steve a note of his own. GOD steve being so surprised that bucky acknowledges him in public so openly because again, bucky is just so … likable. to everyone. and steve is still getting used to the idea that he’s worth someone’s time. even prewar they really fit so many ship tropes like 😭 jock x art kid, blonde x brunette, grumpy x sunshine (who is grumpy and who is sunshine really depends on the situation tbh), tall x short, popular x shy, patient and knowing x impatient and oblivious, mutual pining, forbidden love, only child x big brother with a welcoming family … GOD.

[faelicy]

Miss Faelicy I would love to get your opinion on Bingqiu.

I see people posting things like how they are "problematic" and how they don't really love each other and SQQ only feels sympathy etc. Obviously there were struggles between them as there should be (considering all that happened) and just because sqq wasn't very open and super obvious about his feelings doesn't mean they are not there..this is how I interpreted it. I would love to know your opinion

Hello! This also covers part 2 of the previous ask.

First, massive spoilers for the end of the novel. Second, a disclaimer: I despise shipwars, which I think are behind most of those comments. I hate them because it's usually all in bad faith: everyone's already committed to their interpretation of the ships, and any discussion is just a guise for justifying their preferences.

So to any readers: I don't want anything here to be used as shipwar fuel. This post is about Bingqiu's canon arc and themes. Basically, I don't know or care if Bingqiu is a good ship, but I do think it's a well-written one.

I'll start by saying directly: for most of the novel, Bingqiu is neither healthy nor romantic. And that this is not bad writing, but on purpose.

A relationship that drives one party to mental breakdown isn't healthy. A relationship where that party says it's okay to hurt or kill them can't possibly be healthy. That happened because there was something deeply wrong with their relationship, something that can't be reduced to Xin Mo, miscommunication, or LBH throwing a tropey yandere fit.

And out of all three MXTX novels, only SV lacks a love confession from the MC to the ML. Again, I don't think it's an oversight, or just because SQQ's face is too thin. There are plenty of ways MXTX could have worked a subtle one in if she really wanted to.

In my opinion, Bingqiu's narrative can be split up into four arcs: Qing Jing Peak (ch 1-27), Jin Lan City (28-43), Post-revival (29-55), and Reconciliation (56-81). Other than the first arc, where their relationship is pretty straightforward, Bingqiu spend most of the rest in direct conflict.

I'll give an overview of the arcs here, but what I truly want to say about Bingqiu starts in arc 4, so if you're impatient you can scroll down. But the overview might help add context.

Jin Lan City arc is about LBH's anger at being brutally betrayed by the one person he thought he could trust. Here he tries to force answers out of SQQ, who he believes both hates him and is a hypocrite. He's driven by a desire to return to the past, but his rage and love makes his actions contradictory: on one hand he tries to win SQQ's approval constructively, by climbing to the top of Huan Hua Palace and performing good deeds, on the other hand his belief that SQQ doesn't care about him so it's all futile anyway (reinforced by SQQ's own actions) causes him to lash out destructively, going as far as to hurt and imprison SQQ.

LBH's bitterness is portrayed very negatively, because all it does is instill despair into SQQ, until SQQ ends up believing that he's only been a blight on LBH's life, and that he must make up for it by killing himself. Whereupon LBH breaks down, regressing into a childlike state. Some might ask, why does LBH never bring up the Abyss again afterwards? It's because he gives up here. This entire arc is about getting LBH to let go of past wrongs and to stop seeking answers, whether the reader believes it's fair to him or not. Because SQQ's life is more important.

Post-revival arc then is about SQQ trying to come to terms with a blackened LBH who also loves him. Interestingly, despite SQQ's horror at realizing LBH was romantically interested in him all along, SQQ actually has a very subtle but telling secondary reaction. To explain, let's back up to the first arc.

Starting around ch 9, probably as a sign of his growing affection, SQQ begins addressing LBH as 这孩子, or "this child," in his internal monologue, instead of LBH's name. He does it once each in ch 9, 12, 17, 21, 25. However, once Jin Lan City arc starts, SQQ drops the address entirely. LBH and "child" are never brought up together except for one snarky comment on LBH's tantrum being disgracefully childish in ch 38.

At first glance this doesn't look noteworthy because LBH by this point is no longer a kid. But when LBH kisses him in ch 49, SQQ changes again: right away he returns to using "child" on LBH, and the "this child" address starts popping up at a much higher frequency. By the end of SV SQQ has referred to LBH as a child in some manner at least 35 times (yes I went and counted), with the vast majority after ch 49, and he continues to do so right into the last extra.

Why was SQQ unwilling to use this address of affection for over 20 chapters? Perhaps because he too thought LBH hated him, and couldn't bear to think about him so intimately knowing that. So SQQ immediately falling back into it the moment he learns LBH loves him is a sign of his relief. He's still dismayed at the romantic part, but though SQQ likes to deflect from his real emotions (this is the guy who focused on bad naming sense after being fatally poisoned, who cavalierly commented only after it was all over that he'd expected to die), the fact that LBH loves and doesn't hate him, means a lot.

Here SQQ's feelings towards LBH are at their most complicated. He still assumes the worst of him like in Jin Lan City, but now because of the above, also sees a lonely child whenever LBH is unhappy and lost. It's like he has two filters actively interfering with each other, "crazed criminal" and "pitiful child," and so he flip-flops between pushing LBH away and comforting him. But when LBH drags CQMS into it, and even seemingly takes advantage of SQQ's love for him, SQQ's negative image and frustration with him only grows, until he finally snaps and tells LBH to never come near him again.

At this point SQQ still believes that LBH is the same black-hearted, invincible, devil incarnate that og!LBH was portrayed to be. The Reconciliation arc starts by chipping away at this filter that's been plaguing SQQ for so long. First the revelation that TLJ/ZZL was behind the sowers, thus clearing LBH's name at Jin Lan City. Then we see how unloved he is by his own father; we see him injured and helpless and unconscious. Meng Mo yells at SQQ, reinforcing that image of a vulnerable, terrified child. So by ch 62 SQQ has thrown away the "crazed criminal" filter completely, and in that same chapter they cling to each other and finally make up. Because while it's true that the current LBH is misanthropic, antisocial, and mercurial, SQQ has also finally accepted that he's still the same LBH he'd raised and doted on, back on Qing Jing Peak.

Now I'm going to talk about what I see as the most important part of Bingqiu. Yes, despite the wall of text already.

A common sentiment of Bingqiu shippers about their issues seems to be, "SQQ is dumb and oblivious; he can't figure out what LBH needs even though he loves him because he sees LBH as a novel character," but I think the problem is far more complicated and insidious than that. If that was everything, why give SQQ the epiphany that he misunderstood LBH so early? Why have him think in ch 66 that "truthfully, he'd never really trusted Luo Binghe, and that's why he kept accidentally hurting him?" If he's already realized that he shouldn't treat LBH like og!LBH (he even meets og!LBH in ch 71 to rub it in further), why do we go another 13 chapters believing their relationship is good and well, even giving us a sweet, happy moment in ch 75, only to show LBH having the worst breakdown of the novel just 4 chapters later? Was it all just padding to demonstrate the danger of Xin Mo?

Or is there something else beneath the surface?

In ch 66, the same chapter where SQQ implies he doesn't want to accidentally hurt LBH anymore, he says something telling. When LQG is skeptical that LBH can be trusted, SQQ thinks, 家里孩子不懂事，大人不容易做, or "when your child doesn't know any better, as the adult you don't have it easy." The child here of course refers to LBH, and the adult is SQQ, who's complaining about smoothing over LBH's messes. But what is SQQ implying here?

Doesn't know any better? That's what you say about a toddler who can't think for themselves, not a grown man. LBH is 25 and SQQ thinks he doesn't know better. Doesn't know better about what? LBH's wants, his needs? His feelings? Or even what's good for him?

And then you realize that's exactly how SQQ's always treated him, like a helpless child who can't make his own choices.

It's SQQ who chooses to throw LBH down into the Abyss without trying to talk to him. It's SQQ who decides that keeping silent is the best choice. It's SQQ who believes self-destructing in front of LBH will help, who thinks that breaking off their relationship is for the better. And it's SQQ who scolds LBH into tolerating CQMS, even though they hate each other and CQMS is hostile towards him. Who forces him to leave first at Zhao Hua Temple despite LBH's pleas otherwise, who shoos him out the window when CQMS walks in on them.

Every single one of these decisions, SQQ made believing it was for the best (repair LBH's relationship with his family, help him avoid arrest, not wanting to make excuses, wanting LBH to be free of his hatred), and every single one of them only damaged LBH further. Because SQQ's never listened to him, even once. Never consulted him or considered his feelings.

(And LBH did try to bring up his feelings on one of the matters in ch 75. He insinuates to SQQ that he doesn't like LQG calling him "little beast" or "ingrate." And SQQ's response is to dismiss them entirely, saying that LQG's "not wrong.")

SQQ has always loved LBH, but he's never once respected LBH's agency or personhood. Because LBH doesn't know better and SQQ does, so SQQ must make all his decisions for him.

And this, amplified by Xin Mo, is what finally drives LBH mad in ch 79.

To LBH, the important part isn't whether SQQ loves him, which I think he knew after ch 43 (it's why he can be so daring and pushy with SQQ's boundaries). What's important is that the moment SQQ believes abandoning LBH is justified for whatever reason again, SQQ absolutely will.

Ch 80's two-way noncon (since LBH was basically unconscious and couldn't consent) tends to draw most of the attention, but I actually think that what happens afterwards is one of the most important scenes for Bingqiu. There SQQ tries to sacrifice himself a second time for LBH, drawing Xin Mo's demonic qi into his body. Yet the novel claims that SQQ's actions here are completely different than in ch 43. SQQ himself says that this time he's doing it for LBH, while last time he was doing it for himself. But can the reader see a functional difference?

There is one, in fact: it's SQQ's response to LBH's choice afterwards. LBH decides to follow SQQ in death, even though this would void the point of SQQ's sacrifice. But instead of insisting otherwise, SQQ just accepts it. Because he finally understands that whether LBH's life is worth living, whether LBH will be better off, is for LBH and only LBH to decide.

It's the first time he respects LBH's agency. And this is the only reason why he and LBH can finally begin building a healthy relationship on the mess they've had up to now.

So that's what I see as the true beauty behind Bingqiu. It's about communication and mistaken assumptions, yes, but it's also about the nature of love between parent and child. The romantic developments were left to the extras, I believe, because this was the main story MXTX wanted to tell with them. Their relationship as lovers only starts afterwards, hence why SV ends with, "the story between you and I, has only just begun." It was never meant to be a whirlwind romance where they fall in love cleanly. It might not to be to everyone's tastes, but an incredible amount of thought was put into the narrative, and that's what amazed me when I first finished this novel.

(This post went on way too long and I ended up cutting off a huge chunk of tangential stuff and how SQQ came to his realization in ch 79: he didn't do it alone. It took him seeing the LBH in TLJ and the himself in YQY for him to understand. In fact, YQY and og!SQQ's relationship has a similar parent-and-child dynamic. I've touched on it before on twitter; if there's interest I might try writing that up here too.)

[grrrlsoverdramas]

(Skip this if cutesyness discourse is annoying you, and live ur life lmao)

Ok, not to contribute to a truly Pointless Conversation where people are like Very Defensive About Their Right to Complain, but I feel like the people whining about/defending/discussing the cutesy-ness in these eps of hometown cha cha cha are doing it in a weird cultural vacuum!!

Like, y’all, this is aegyo?? this isn’t some strange portrayal of a couple in luv??? Aegyo is a common way that people who date communicate in Korea -- and you might be like “not adults!!” but you would be wrong!!! It’s like ~~dating vibes~~. Which isn’t to say that a lot of people in Korea don’t find aegyo cringe or embarrassing, or even dislike it, but also that’s kind of the point? Like aegyo is this thing you do that’s lovey-dovey, pda, showing-off, etc... it’s kinda supposed to be annoying.

I also often don’t like aegyo and don’t love especially women having to use baby talk to seem cute, but on the other hand shin min ah is like an aegyo-heavy actress (like also major aegyo vibes in oh my venus!! and that character is way more mature than this one), and her character uses aegyo a lot throughout this show... she uses it on Dushik a lot. Personally, her aegyo doesn’t bother me too much because it isn’t overly infantalized? But maybe that’s just me.

But also people complaining about them dressing up as middleschoolers must never have seen a romcom kdrama before... that’s literally just a romcom trope where people have a “uniform” date, I’ve seen it so much!!! idk anyone who’s done it in real life? but maybe people do it, i dunno... but at the least it’s just one of those filmy things that you accept as something that exists commonly in fantasyland.

Anyway, all I’m saying is that these are just tropes that are happening to show us two people are in love!  It’s fine not to like tropey things but like the cringe factor is happening on purpose -- we are supposed to be curling our fingers/getting goosebumps at how cute they are, that is The Point. Honey’s supposed to be coming out of our eyeballs u know. I’ve never in my life Wanted to be the Third Wheel, yknow?

[badapricot]

Lovely Writer—1x9

This episode was so packed with content I needed to rewatch it to process all my thoughts.

We get an inkling of why Aey likes Gene so much from Gene’s reactions to Aey. Gene is so naive, dense, and soft, that even after Aey aggressively comes on to him, Gene is still concerned for him. And even after all of that, Gene still can’t comprehend that Aey likes him and not Nubsib. That naivety and weakness is why Aey likes Gene—it takes a lot for Gene to hate people, especially if he feels sorry for them, which seems to be the case. Gene pities Aey and tries to comfort him, even when Aey makes him uncomfortable.

Nubsib swooping into save Gene with the hand over the mouth was very K-drama-esque. I love that he didn’t attack Aey or Gene, and just gently led Gene away like, “Okay, that’s enough.”

I loved that Nubsib never thought that Gene was consenting to Aey kissing him, because he knows that Gene gets easily overwhelmed and scared. There was no stupid misunderstanding because he trusts Gene.

I have empathy for Aey but I don’t see how he’s going to be redeemed, because he seems to have no hope for himself, which is why he’s so chaotic. I also believed him when he said he didn’t like Mhok. It felt one-sided.

I liked the scene where Nubsib scolded Gene and asked him if he knew what he did wrong and Gene reacted guiltily. It shows the power swap between them in caretaker situations.

Gene was adorable and funny when he was scurrying around for the laptop and giving Sib a nonsense reason to take a cold shower. The author described them as a hamster and a wolf and seeing how Gene moves around Nubsib sometimes, I get the small animal comparison.

The horny tag around the bed was hilarious. I also appreciated the details like Nubsib having a photo of him in the rain hanging over his bed, and a headshot on his night stand. It’s so different from Gene’s condo which is mostly covered in pastel art and fandom merch, which shows their personalities.

I loved, Gene saying, “Cut the crap and just do it.” with tears in his eyes. It was really cute and in character.

The morning after scene was cute. It’s tropey but I liked Nubsib carrying Gene and them frankly talking about after sex discomfort, it was so intimate.

The scene where Aey and Nubsib had to act out a love confession after what had just happened the night prior was so cringey and hilarious. And also shows that we really should not trust what happens in front of the camera.

I loved the tiny detail of Gene wearing a cold compress to quell his post-first time fever. It made him look adorable when Nubsib looked over to him to get inspiration for his love confession to Namcha. The overlaying of the love confession with the camera on Gene was lovely.

Aey and Gene’s post-confession conversation was so tense and off. They definitely have chemistry but it’s creepier now. It’s a testament to Gene’s character that he’s still so polite to him even after what Aey pulled.

I’d like to say thank you to whoever made Kao-Nubsib come out of the shower twice in one episode. Gene drying Nubsib’s hair was really domestic and cute. Laying him out on the couch after was also hot. A gold star for, “Gene, are you wet?”

I was cringing so hard during the entire exchange between Gene, Auntie Orn, and Nubsib, when she said that she would catch any woman he was hiding up in his condo, but she bumped into Gene instead.

The silent conversation Nubsib and Gene had, when Nubsib massaged Gene’s hand and comforted him, was amazing. It’s hard to portray something like that without chemistry.

I liked the staging of the scene where Nubsib and Gene discuss coming out in the stairwell. It was purposefully dark, in the shadows, and hidden. It felt tight too, because of the arch of the stairwell. 

The entire dinner scene was nightmare fuel with the mothers acting as parallels to the common BL fangirl and their fathers acting as small minded straight men. At least until Gene pulled out the reverse uno card of the show and revealed that his father is actually a self-hating bisexual. It was so surprising I had to pause the show. I think it added a lot of nuance to his treatment of Gene and showed that trauma is cyclical. He faced prejudice for having a relationship with a man, so now he discourages Gene from being with one because he wants to protect him. It’s a lot deeper than the typical homophobic fear I expected.

Nubsib and Gene holding hands at the table and then standing outside mournfully staring at each other was very Romeo and Juliet.

I also have to say, Gene is such a strong character. After following from the pilot, I can’t believe that he’s the one that chose to out them to their parents, and the one to scream at his father like that. He’s very firm about his love for Nubsib.

[everythingpuddle]

So I’ve been on a bit of a Tecna/Timmy bender lately so have a rant (rave?) about why I think they are the best couple in Winx.

(This is obviously my personal opinion, and fully expect people to disagree because ranking the best canon couples is kind of like picking a favourite child. Only we know that pretty much no one is rooting for Sky/Bloom.)

1. They have a solid relationship built on more than just loving each other. They have shared interests that don’t just include the concept of magic - both of them enjoy gaming, they have worked on computers together, and they both share an interest in the red fountain ships.

We don’t see this kind of thing much in the show at all. In fact the only other non-magic related hobby we see is Stella’s designing and that’s only really used for comic effect, especially where Brandon is concerned.

2. It’s not all smooth sailing in their relationship. I know, it’s a cartoon about fairies, but the issues they have in S2 make it feel like an actual relationship rather than just all sunshine and rainbows.

Was the fight an example of terrible communication? Was it something that could have been resolved in a serious ten minute conversation? Yes to both.

But not only were Tecna and Timmy 17 at this point (18 if you think this happened after December), they’d been in a literal war a few months beforehand. And the context for their fight was the three witches who started that war.

So for mildly traumatised teenagers (god knows I made terrible life choices at that age) they handled it all spectacularly well.

3. Tecna/Timmy is a couple where a very obviously autistic coded girl is loved and accepted unconditionally by a partner who is not also autistic.

Now, I do headcanon Stella as also being autistic and Brandon is incredibly supportive of her too. But her presentation (or at least my interpretation of it) is very different to Tecna’s and to a degree more socially ‘acceptable’.

Timmy doesn’t just indulge her special interests, he actively gets excited about them and wants to be included. Being afab and autistic, this actually means quite a lot to me.

4. They have some of the cutest fucking moments in the show. Tecna staring lovingly up at him in the ship during the S2 finale? Adorable. Timmy explaining how much he loves and misses her, how much she means to him, in an effort to find her in the Omega Dimension because he refuses to believe she’s dead? Perfection. Tecna using her magic to become his ship’s computer? Magical. Tecna catching Timmy is a shield bubble when he fights the Wizards in S4? Iconic.

5. A lot of their romance is understated. We’re not spoilt for Tecna/Timmy sweetness (see above) but they don’t rely on grand gestures or declarations to show their affections. The dramatic stuff comes when the narrative needs it, not as something that they’ve built their relationship on. It’s stable and loving and considered.

6. They don’t conform to a lot of the tropey gender and relationship ideals. I’d say this is at least partially true of all the couples (Winx is a show about girl power after all) but Tecna and Timmy go the furthest.

Timmy is a trained specialist but his preference is the stand back and provide support rather than plunge headfirst into a fight. As a couple, Tecna is undoubtedly the fire power and Timmy fully accepts and loves that. He doesn’t get embarrassed to be rescued by her, he doesn’t feel threatened by her power, he’s just in awe of her.

So, I’m conclusion, a sweet and excellent couple that are so much more than just “the two nerds paired together”. And I am legit excited to write their relationship progression in my fic.