#documentingdysphoria

[swissmath]

This is the last week to see my exhibit at @viewpoint_photo_artcenter! If you haven’t stopped by yet you can still check it out this Friday 7/1 and Saturday 7/2 during gallery hours 12-5pm at 2015 J Street in Sacramento. If you come through feel free to leave a note or reflection in the notebook! Thank you to everyone who stopped by the artist reception or came to see the show so far! If you aren’t able to come in person you can still support the project by purchasing a print via the gallery website (link in bio). 8x10s are $60 and 16x20s are $350. 10% of print sale proceeds will be donated to the @transqueeryouthcollective a local trans-led non profit support trans and queer youth in Sacramento. Hope you can stop by! #DocumentingDysphoria #genderdysphoria #photoexhibit #sacramento (at Viewpoint Photographic Art Center) https://www.instagram.com/p/CfdR-OLLnz7/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[oulgbtcenter]

If you haven’t yet, go now (or this weekend) to behold the awesomeness of #documentingdysphoria and @salguwissmath!!!

[swissmath]

Today I got to present some photo projects at Sacramento City College’s coming out day festivities as part of @sacqueervoices, a performance group of local queer artists who share their art and identity stories to educate the community. It was my first time “coming out” for official coming out day, which is tomorrow btw. (Queer and nonbinary person here in case you didn’t already know.) And I got to share images from my Master’s Project “Documenting Dysphoria” which illustrates what gender dysphoria feels like thru images. It felt especially important to partake in a bit advocacy this week in light of the current case at the Supreme Court. I got especially choked up sharing the image of my former LGBT Center director, delfin bautista, who is non-binary and was fired from their position at Ohio University without cause earlier this year. Presenting today reminded me why I do this work and why it’s important to continue this particular project despite the many many grant rejections I have piled up. There may already be plenty of beautiful “dreamy” portraits of trans folk by other artists, as one portfolio reviewer put it. But that doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be more. And that doesn’t mean I should stop taking them. There are thousands of portraits of strait cisgender folks, walk thru any art museum, but they still get their photos taken and portraits painted everyday. (Somehow this turned into a vent session but thanks for listening.) ———————————- Also I’ll be road-tripping from Baltimore to California in November and photographing for my “documenting dysphoria” project on the way. DM if you are interested in having your photo taken and sharing your experience with dysphoria, if you will be on my route! Baltimore-DC-Athens-Louisville-Nashville-Memphis-Oklahoma-Albuquerque-Phoenix-SanDiego-LA 📸by @genderfenderbender #nationalcomingoutday🌈 #queer #queervoices #nonbinary #trans #genderdysphoria #documentingdysphoria #salgufiles #theythem #pronounsmatter #translivesmatter (at Sacramento City College (Official)) https://www.instagram.com/p/B3dp1UkFx0g/?igshid=1je3q9d83t7ru

[swissmath]

Candice (she/her/hers) Documenting Dysphoria Everyone knows that the bathroom issue has been really big with the community right now. A while back, my church does this thing where they provide food for the less fortunate. I literally got persecuted, yelled at by a group that just got done eating, seeing me come out of the women’s restroom. How would you describe what gender dysphoria is? When a person realizes who they truly are, every time they see that their outside does not match, it saddens their heart. Have you ever gone to the drive through and you order a soda and when you look inside it’s something else— and you’re depressed? That’s kind of the way it is. What do you hope people come to understand from this project? This is who we are. What is so wrong about accepting people for how they want to live their life? —— Sharing some photos published in honor of #TransDayofVisibility in @thecut from my ongoing project “Documenting Dysphoria” exploring what gender dysphoria feels like. Gender dysphoria can be described as the distress a person experiences as a result of the disconnect between their internal gender identity and the sex/gender they were assigned at birth. The feeling is different for everyone and there is no one trans narrative. For many, but not all, trans people, it is this experience which often allows them to come to understand their own identity. Despite the importance of this experience, gender dysphoria is sorely misunderstood by society. These portraits share a glimpse of when and how some trans and nonbinary individuals experience the feeling. #genderdysphoria #trans #transgender #nonbinary #lgbtq #DocumentingDysphoria https://www.instagram.com/p/COTyPJpL-WT/?igshid=h28ec2txl22w

[swissmath]

Dani (he/him/his) Documenting Dysphoria “I feel like everybody has a thing with bathrooms. I go to the bathroom during class instead of between because there is less of a chance of running into someone. I still tend to use the bathroom of my assigned gender because it’s still the safest option. I do this thing where I walk in, and if somebody is at the sink, I walk really fast with my head down, so they don’t look at me. Or I’ll wait in a stall if somebody else is out there, and come out after they leave. I got hit with a purse once. And I was like, I’m just trying to pee. Because she thought I was a boy. I was like, that’s fair, but where am I supposed to pee?” What does that feeling feel like? “I get anxious and I feel like I’m on guard all of a sudden. I always feel my hands tense quicker than anything. My voice always gets quieter. My movements will get less big. That’s something that comes with feeling like I’m passing, my movements are bigger. I walk down the street and I’m more confident, and my movements are larger. And then, once I feel like I’m not, I get a lot more restrained and a lot smaller because I want to draw less attention to me.” How would you describe gender dysphoria? “It is like going through your day and not feeling like you are wearing a mask. And then suddenly becoming aware that to the rest of the world you’re in costume, even though you feel like this is the most true authentic you.” ————— Sharing some photos published in honor of #TransDayofVisibility in @thecut from my ongoing project “Documenting Dysphoria” exploring what gender dysphoria feels like. Gender dysphoria can be described as the distress a person experiences as a result of the disconnect between their internal gender identity and the sex/gender they were assigned at birth. The feeling is different for everyone and there is no one trans narrative. For many, but not all, trans people, it is this experience which often allows them to come to understand their own identity. These portraits share a glimpse of when and how some trans and nonbinary individuals experience the feeling. #genderdysphoria #trans #transgender #nonbinary #lgbtq #DocumentingDysphoria https://www.instagram.com/p/CNYatJjrvk7/?igshid=51ovh201ru10

[swissmath]

Wylo (he/him/his) Documenting Dysphoria “I identify politically and internally as nonbinary and externally practice as masculine, so trans-masculine. Nonbinary to me is being off of the structure that was put into place to categorize/control people. To me, that’s the political part of the identification.” What does gender dysphoria mean for you? “What comes to mind is a strong feeling of disorientation, seeing an offset image or looking in parts of a fragmented mirror and seeing someone else’s body reflected. My brain goes to experiencing dysphoria when being misgendered. Just hearing a pronoun— it [can feel] completely out of left field. I think when I said the word disoriented earlier, that is something that I tie to that of just being, “Wow who the fuck are we talking about?” And then the embarrassment and the realization that, “Oh, this person was actually referring to me.” But it’s like a shadow person.” What do you hope people can understand from seeing this project? “I would [hope] that other trans folks would see that they are not the only one in certain struggles. I think the secondary part of that is someone realizing that someone’s experiences are similar or the same— that also creates a feeling of connectivity.” —————— Sharing some photos published in honor of #TransDayofVisibility in @thecut from my ongoing project “Documenting Dysphoria” exploring what gender dysphoria feels like. Gender dysphoria can be described as the distress a person experiences as a result of the disconnect between their internal gender identity and the sex/gender they were assigned at birth. The feeling is different for everyone and there is no one trans narrative. For many, but not all, trans people, it is this experience which often allows them to come to understand their own identity. Despite the importance of this experience, gender dysphoria is sorely misunderstood by society. These portraits share a glimpse of when and how some trans and nonbinary individuals experience the feeling. #genderdysphoria #trans #transgender #nonbinary #lgbtq #DocumentingDysphoria https://www.instagram.com/p/CNV1xzsr3WT/?igshid=to8r3tccdknz

[swissmath]

Wylo (he/him/his) Documenting Dysphoria “I identify politically and internally as nonbinary and externally practice as masculine, so trans-masculine. Nonbinary to me is being off of the structure that was put into place to categorize/control people. To me, that’s the political part of the identification.” What does gender dysphoria mean for you? “What comes to mind is a strong feeling of disorientation, seeing an offset image or looking in parts of a fragmented mirror and seeing someone else’s body reflected. My brain goes to experiencing dysphoria when being misgendered. Just hearing a pronoun— it [can feel] completely out of left field. I think when I said the word disoriented earlier, that is something that I tie to that of just being, “Wow who the fuck are we talking about?” And then the embarrassment and the realization that, “Oh, this person was actually referring to me.” But it’s like a shadow person.” What do you hope people can understand from seeing this project? “I would [hope] that other trans folks would see that they are not the only one in certain struggles. I think the secondary part of that is someone realizing that someone’s experiences are similar or the same— that also creates a feeling of connectivity.” —————— Sharing some photos published in honor of #TransDayofVisibility in @thecut from my ongoing project “Documenting Dysphoria” exploring what gender dysphoria feels like. Gender dysphoria can be described as the distress a person experiences as a result of the disconnect between their internal gender identity and the sex/gender they were assigned at birth. The feeling is different for everyone and there is no one trans narrative. For many, but not all, trans people, it is this experience which often allows them to come to understand their own identity. Despite the importance of this experience, gender dysphoria is sorely misunderstood by society. These portraits share a glimpse of when and how some trans and nonbinary individuals experience the feeling. #genderdysphoria #trans #transgender #nonbinary #lgbtq #DocumentingDysphoria https://www.instagram.com/p/CNV1xzsr3WT/?igshid=to8r3tccdknz

[swissmath]

Dani (he/they) Documenting Dysphoria “I feel like everybody has a thing with bathrooms. I go to the bathroom during class instead of between because there is less of a chance of running into someone. I still tend to use the bathroom of my assigned gender because it’s still the safest option. I do this thing where I walk in, and if somebody is at the sink, I walk really fast with my head down, so they don’t look at me. Or I’ll wait in a stall if somebody else is out there, and come out after they leave. I got hit with a purse once. And I was like, I’m just trying to pee. Because she thought I was a boy. I was like, that’s fair, but where am I supposed to pee?” What does that feeling feel like? “I get anxious and I feel like I’m on guard all of a sudden. I always feel my hands tense quicker than anything. My voice always gets quieter. My movements will get less big. That’s something that comes with feeling like I’m passing, my movements are bigger. I walk down the street and I’m more confident, and my movements are larger. And then, once I feel like I’m not, I get a lot more restrained and a lot smaller because I want to draw less attention to me.” How would you describe gender dysphoria? “It is like going through your day and not feeling like you are wearing a mask. And then suddenly becoming aware that to the rest of the world you’re in costume, even though you feel like this is the most true authentic you.” ————— Sharing some photos published on NPR from my ongoing project “Documenting Dysphoria” exploring what gender dysphoria feels like. (Link in bio.) Gender dysphoria can be described as the distress a person experiences as a result of the disconnect between their internal gender identity and the sex/gender they were assigned at birth. The feeling is different for everyone and there is no one trans narrative. For many, but not all, trans people, it is this experience which often allows them to come to understand their own identity. If you are interested in participating in the project and sharing your own story about gender dysphoria, please get in touch! #genderdysphoria #trans #transgender #nonbinary #lgbtq #DocumentingDysphoria https://www.instagram.com/p/CCb9El_Fd6w/?igshid=139keblaphlwh

[swissmath]

Mira (she/her/hers) Documenting Dysphoria “I’m a binary transgender woman. So for me, there’s the social dysphoria and the body dysphoria. Those are really the two components. I’ve noticed, at least in my experience, that one or the other is stronger in different people. For me, it means that mixture of not only not being able to live as your gender in the world, which is the social aspect, but also just that basic dis-congruence with your body itself.” What are some situations where you feel gender dysphoria? “It’s usually when something suddenly reminds me that I’m trans, or somebody particularly reminds me of that. Like when I’ll suddenly get excluded in a conversation in a certain way.” “This is the example of an environment inducing [gender dysphoria] for you. You’re at a job and suddenly people start treating you differently because they find out you’re trans. I finally got this one teaching job. I could tell [the principal] didn’t know until after I’d already taken the job because he needed to hire somebody really quick because they lost a teacher right before the semester started. So he got the background check back after it already started. And then he’s all, ‘Well I don’t care as long as you teach.’ But he wasn’t very friendly about it. Then he probably told somebody or somebody found out or they just figured it out. Then all of a sudden my coworkers are treating me very differently and they’re very cold and evasive and somewhat hostile. And then all of a sudden the parents found out and then even the kids wouldn’t respect me because if neither the other teachers nor the parents are, they just don’t feel obligated to. So it just made teaching there a nightmare. I was going there everyday trembling. And then I would go there and then halfway through the day I’ve locked the door for lunch and I’m crying in my classroom and I just finally quit. There was one day when I just said, ‘This is my last day here.’ I didn’t even give them two weeks notice. I couldn’t stay.” ———— Sharing some photos published on NPR from my ongoing project “Documenting Dysphoria” exploring what gender dysphoria feels like. (Link in bio.) #documentingdysphoria #genderdysphoria https://www.instagram.com/p/CCW4ZPLlsC9/?igshid=1tyzr7e7hk5gh

[swissmath]

Wylo (he/him/his) Documenting Dysphoria “I identify politically and internally as nonbinary and externally practice as masculine, so trans-masculine. Nonbinary to me is being off of the structure that was put into place to categorize/control people. To me, that’s the political part of the identification.” What does gender dysphoria mean for you? “What comes to mind is a strong feeling of disorientation, seeing an offset image or looking in parts of a fragmented mirror and seeing someone else’s body reflected. My brain goes to experiencing dysphoria when being misgendered. Just hearing a pronoun— it [can feel] completely out of left field. I think when I said the word disoriented earlier, that is something that I tie to that of just being, “Wow who the fuck are we talking about?” And then the embarrassment and the realization that, “Oh, this person was actually referring to me.” But it’s like a shadow person.” What do you hope people can understand from seeing this project? “I would [hope] that other trans folks would see that they are not the only one in certain struggles. I think the secondary part of that is someone realizing that someone’s experiences are similar or the same— that also creates a feeling of connectivity.” ——————————— Sharing some photos published on NPR from my ongoing project “Documenting Dysphoria” exploring what gender dysphoria feels like. (Link in bio.) Gender dysphoria can be described as the distress a person experiences as a result of the disconnect between their internal gender identity and the sex/gender they were assigned at birth. The feeling is different for everyone and there is no one trans narrative. For many, but not all, trans people, it is this experience which often allows them to come to understand their own identity. Despite the importance of this experience, gender dysphoria is sorely misunderstood by society. These portraits share a glimpse of when and how some trans and nonbinary individuals experience the feeling. #genderdysphoria #trans #transgender #nonbinary #genderqueer #lgbtq #lgbt #DocumentingDysphoria https://www.instagram.com/p/CCUQOSxFfv1/?igshid=1rqxtfs7ifbyy

[swissmath]

I’ve got some photos exhibiting in Sacramento this month from my “Documenting Dysphoria” project. They are on display at the Sacramento LGBT Community Center through December 1! The new center is at 2012 K St. and they are open 10am-6pm M-F. Stop by and take a look if you get a chance. Also I’m traveling all month to take more photos for this project so I can apply for more grant funding. Please send good vibes that I eventually land one of these grants. Baltimore-DC-Athens-Cincinnati-Louisville-Nashville-Memphis-Oklahoma-Albuquerque-Phoenix-San Diego-LA-Fresno-Oakland-Sacramento #salgufiles #documentingdysphoria #genderdysphoria #transvisibiltymonth #LGBTQ #photolife #sacramentolgbtcommunitycenter #featuredartist #exhibitiondebut (at The Sacramento LGBT Community Center) https://www.instagram.com/p/B4n1KFUFlg2/?igshid=n29od7eppu2r

[swissmath]

Feeling this poem today. “Am I this or am I that? Why can’t I be both? Why can’t I be all of the above? or none of the above? Why do I have to be only one thing? Why can’t I be as diverse as all of the trillions of stars in the universe?” Had a photo editor tell me that my work about gender dysphoria has two differing styles. Interesting that as a non binary mixed race person who is both an artist and a journalist my photographs also reflect my inner diversity. Interesting that the way I feel when people don’t see my work the way I do it feels just like gender dysphoria- the feeling of disconnect between how I see my own self and how others perceive me. This is what I’m talking about when I talk about decolonizing photography. The way I see the world is not how “the editors think I should be seeing the world.” And I want to challenge that. #decolonizethemind #deconizephotography #halfthoughts #vent #whenyoudontfitinabox #whycantijustbe #documentingdysphoria #arttherapy #eaw31 #eddieadams #discuss https://www.instagram.com/p/BorhIGWnIO8/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=apj5nd08c74n

[swissmath]

delfin (they/them), self-identified head queer of the @oulgbtcenter, checks out their portrait in my master's show last week in the @viscomgallery #mastersshow #documentaryart #documentingdysphoria #genderdysphoria #lgbtq #viscomou #gradschoollife (at School of Visual Communication, Ohio University - Athens)

[swissmath]

Decompressing after a successful opening reception for my Master's Show! Also my parents got to see the exhibit and my mom prepared all the snacks. Thanks to everyone who showed up! #mastersshow #gradschoollife #viscomou #viscomgallery #documentingdysphoria (at School of Visual Communication, Ohio University - Athens)

[swissmath]

Making progress on my masters project documenting dysphoria. This is Dani (he/they). For Dani, gender dysphoria "is like going through your day and not feeling like you are wearing a mask or a costume. And then suddenly becoming aware that to the rest of the world you're in costume, even though you feel like this is the most true authentic you." #documentingdysphoria

[swissmath]

Today is Transgender Day of Remembrance. Today we honor the trans lives lost to violence and suicide over the last year. It’s important to remember those who are currently living as well. Here’s a photo from my ongoing project exploring what gender dysphoria feels like shared on @womenphotograph a few weeks ago. As someone who is non-binary I was grateful to be a mentee in a group who seeks to be inclusive of people outside the binary as well. #documentingdysphoria #tdor #translivesmatter #documentaryphotography #Repost @womenphotograph with @get_repost ・・・ Photo by @salguwissmath | Cricket (she/her) | Documenting Dysphoria | “I have this memory. I just moved to this new town. There were a bunch of kids who I got to know and I played with a little bit. There were girls and boys. Part of the play place was a lake. I didn’t want to do what it looked like the guys wanted to do. The girls didn’t quite accept me. Neither one was fitting for me at that time. I remember going over to the other side of the street, sitting on the bridge overlooking the brook that fed the lake, and just wondering what I am. Am I an alien? I was about five.“ Salgu Wissmath is a nonbinary photographer based in Houston, TX. Their current work explores the intersections of conceptual documentary and photojournalism. They are dedicated to decolonizing the field of photography through their personal work, which focuses on stories by and for people of color and the queer community. This week we are sharing the work of photographers from our 2017-2018 mentorship program. The program pairs 22 industry leaders (11 photographers and 11 photo editors) with 22 early-career photojournalists over the course of a year. https://www.instagram.com/p/BqaaPn5l-in/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=92rzgzv1btsa