#does NOT mean that there aren’t carcinogens!!!!!!

[jynersq]

i know that medical knowledge =/= better health-related behaviors but it feels SO fucked up to know so many cancer researchers — who have never and would never smoke a cigar or a cigarette — vape like there’s no tomorrow……… perhaps a hot take but vaping is not and will never be completely safe. it was intended to be a temporary tool to help people quit smoking, until companies like juul realized they could make bank marketing it to kids by making it taste like cotton candy. i cannot stress enough how much you should not be inhaling unknown chemicals into your lungs!!!! especially during the global spread of a virus known to cause severe cardiopulmonary issues!!

[all-eyes-lead-to-the-truth]

All Eyes Lead to the Truth | Apocrypha (3x16)

The ambulance doors fling open and for a split second, it's déjà vu for Luis Cardinal. A flash of red hair and those eyes, the same eyes… only these aren’t taken by surprise, barely registering death before they close. This time they are directed at him in anger.

Back in Nicaragua, death was a way of life. He’d spent most of his days chasing his older brothers, engaged in target practice, pretending they were Contras. His mother always called him cumiche, the baby. Her baby. 

But he doesn’t think about her anymore.

By the time he was in his mid-twenties he’d surpassed both of his brothers, having become exactly what he’d trained for. And when he arrived in the United States, having been enrolled in the School of the Americas, he’d required little training as a marksman. In fact, his skills in that area were exactly what had drawn the Smoker to him. He’d been the one to pluck him out of a lineup, take him under his wing, and erase his history. Just in time, too; it happened mere months before the feds required the human rights background checks he would certainly not pass.

He didn’t make mistakes back at Fort Moore. But here and now on his own as a mercenary, he has made far too many. First the Scully woman, then the Assistant Director. 

He’s come here to rectify his error in the restaurant; now is his chance to finish the job. Because the man he works for does not tolerate mistakes. And perhaps that’s what’s made him reckless now, as he fires wildly into the vehicle and misses. 

Luis flees, something he’s gotten used to doing. Working in the shadows as a cipher makes it a necessity. The redhead gives chase, and if not for an ill-timed car pulling out in front of him, he might very well have escaped on foot. But his legs ache, and his back… his back feels like it’s been stabbed with a thousand machetes.

“Federal Agent, stop right there!”

He collapses, unable to bear the pain. 

“Are you Luis Cardinal?!” she screams, her gun pointed directly into his face. Then, louder: “Are you Luis Cardinal?”

Luis Cardinal. His name sounds unfamiliar now. This is not who he is anymore, this is the name of the boy who chased his brothers through the streets, whose mother cradled him at night and kissed his head, calling him her cumiche.

No. He doesn’t think about his mother anymore.

“Are you the man who shot my sister?”

The Scully woman is not simply angry, she’s unhinged. A woman with a vendetta. And there’s a small part of him that understands;  it’s the part of him that, prior to working for the Smoker, had never been asked to shoot an innocent woman in cold blood before.

But the adrenaline is coursing through his veins, pushing towards the forefront of his mind the singular thought of a survivor: I don’t want to die.

The Smoker has made it clear he no longer trusts Alex Krycek. For years it seems Krycek was poised to be his right-hand man, but since that’s no longer the case, now is Luis’s chance to throw his counterpart to the wolves.

“You want Krycek,” he tells her. He was there, after all. It’s a last-ditch effort, and he’s not entirely sure it will even work. All she has to do is pull the trigger. But the Scully woman shows something he never does: restraint. It’s probably the only reason he’s still alive.

The officers arrive, slapping cuffs on his wrists, and he is caught. His third mistake. The Smoker will not be pleased.

Luis sits in a cold holding cell for what feels like an eternity, but most likely is only a couple of hours. It’s strange how time has no meaning when your death is imminent.

Eventually, the Smoker arrives, a carcinogenic cloud following him the way it always does. Luis crosses himself like a reflex; it’s something he has not done in years. He wonders how God will judge him, something he also has not done in years.

For the first time Luis notices Alex Krycek is standing behind the Smoker, unusually stiff, like a sentinel. Just as earlier, there’s something not quite right about him, but Luis has no time to worry about that. He has no time for anything, not anymore.

The Smoker comes up close to the bars, exhales a plume of smoke between them. “I have no use for men who make mistakes,” he says coldly. He unlocks and opens the cell door, and Krycek advances wordlessly. 

There is no time for pleas or arguments. A cord is wrapped around Luis’s throat, and he gasps wildly for air. All he sees is the Smoker standing back in the shadows, like Death himself. 

It’s not what he wants to see before he welcomes death. He closes his eyes and the last thing he sees is his mother. He waits for her to hold him close, to whisper cumiche.

She does not.

Read the rest of All Eyes Lead to the Truth on Ao3

@admiralty-xfd

[timothyvinson]

4 Vaping Realities You Really want to Be aware

1.      Vaping is less destructive than smoking, yet at the same, it's as yet undependable.

Vaping is less harmful than smoking, but it’s still not safe. the main problem with vaping is that you can’t tell where your e-cigarette has been. Vaping devices are made to look like cigarettes, but they don’t have the same level of nicotine as actual cigarettes. So if you vape in public and others think you are smoking, there’s a chance that you could be exposing yourself to other people’s secondhand smoke.

And secondhand smoke exposure can cause health problems—like asthma attacks and even cancer—for people who inhale the toxins released by cigarette smoke.

If you want to quit smoking, vaping might not be the best option for you because it doesn't help with withdrawal symptoms or cravings. If you want to quit smoking, talk with your doctor about how quitting can work best for your specific situation!

In a study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association in 2018, researchers found that e-cigarettes were associated with fewer adverse health outcomes than regular cigarettes, including lower rates of myocardial infarction (heart attack), stroke, and lung cancer. In addition to this, they found that e-cigarettes were also less likely to cause respiratory tract infections than traditional cigarettes.

The     research proposes vaping is bad for your heart and lungs.

In a study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association in 2018, researchers found that e-cigarettes were associated with fewer adverse health outcomes than regular cigarettes, including lower rates of myocardial infarction (heart attack), stroke, and lung cancer. In addition to this, they found that e-cigarettes were also less likely to cause respiratory tract infections than traditional cigarettes.

Electronic     cigarettes are similarly basically as habit-forming as traditional ones     and aren’t the best smoking cessation tool.

With traditional cigarettes, you're inhaling tar and other chemicals into your lungs. That can cause lung cancer and heart disease. With e-cigarettes, you're inhaling propylene glycol, water, and nicotine—which can cause lung cancer, heart disease, and other health problems.

The biggest difference between e-cigs and traditional cigarettes is that with e-cigs, there are no toxins or carcinogens in the product. E-cigs don't even contain tobacco! They contain only two ingredients: propylene glycol and vegetable glycerin. So while they may give you a nicotine buzz similar to a cigarette, they won't cause any of the health problems that come with traditional cigarettes.

If you're thinking about switching from traditional cigarettes to e-cigs or vice versa, remember that vaping isn't risk-free either way—you could end up with just as many health problems as if you'd continued smoking traditional cigarettes.

The     new generation can't get away from nicotine.

You may not know it, but the new generation is hooked on nicotine. It's everywhere, from the vape pens to the e-cigarettes to the Juul pods—and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

In fact, it's become so prevalent that even the most innocent-looking candy can contain traces of nicotine. And we're not talking about the kind of nicotine that's in a cigarette—we're talking about the kind that is in your medicine cabinet!

So what does this mean for you? Well, if you're a parent looking for ways to keep your kids safe, it means you have a lot of choices. In general, people are much more likely to overdose on prescription medications than on illicit drugs like heroin and cocaine. But if they do overdose on prescription medication, it's often because they've also been using non-prescription drugs like cold medicine or cough syrup (which contain high levels of acetaminophen). And these products are often formulated with nicotine—so if you want to keep your kids safe from smoking-related illness and disease, make sure any medicines they take are free of nicotine!

The good news is that there are ways to break the cycle of nicotine addiction and quit smoking for good: hypnotherapy for smoking cessation, acupuncture for quitting smoking, and even medication-assisted therapies like varenicline (Chantix) or bupropion (Zyban) can help you kick your habit for good.

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#บุหรี่ไฟฟ้า

[penelopehui]

Trying the keto diet? Here's a grocery list to get you started

We’ve all been there. You make a big decision to change your diet. So you head to the grocery store, ready to kick off a new eating pattern on the right foot. You walk through the doors … and have no idea where to start.

For those on the ketogenic diet, or for anyone trying it out in 2022, it’s important to know what's keto-friendly and what isn’t. The keto diet is a high-fat, low-carb eating program that aims to put the body in a metabolic state where instead of carbohydrates, it burns fat for fuel in a process known as ketosis.

But as you start checking nutrition labels, finding foods that are healthy sources of fat and comply with the low-carb requirements of the keto diet can be tough. So to help kickstart any of your keto goals, we bring you a grocery list, with everything from meal ingredients to snacks to keto-friendly alcohol — Yes! It exists! — that prioritizes nutrient-dense foods to ensure that your keto goals are met the right way.

What are the pros of the keto diet? One of the most notable benefits of the keto diet is its ability to lower overall appetite and reduce hunger. The keto diet eliminates foods that are high in carbohydrates and are high on the glycemic index, meaning they raise your blood sugar by a significant amount in a short period of time, which then affects how we release insulin.

Kristin Kirkpatrick is a registered dietitian with the Cleveland Clinic who tracked her experience trying the keto diet for 30 days. She said that these high-glycemic index foods put us on a “roller coaster” of blood sugar changes. After insulin is released and blood sugar dips back down, we will want more and more of the original food, making it difficult to control portions.

“Not only does that rollercoaster keep us in more of a hunger mode where we could really eat all day and not feel the satisfaction, that very high and low can also be slightly damaging to inflammatory levels in the body as well,” she said.

But with the keto diet eliminating these high GI foods, blood sugar and insulin levels aren’t on that roller coaster, more like a “rolling hill,” Kirkpatrick said, which has less of an impact on our feelings of hunger and can improve overall insulin sensitivity.

Samantha Cassetty, a registered dietician and wellness expert, also said that in the short term, the keto diet can help with weight loss, especially due to its ability to suppress appetite.

“The hardest thing is to feel full on that calorie deficit that you’re trying to achieve, so (the keto diet) can give you an edge for weight loss,” she said.

What are the cons of the keto diet? The best diet is one that you can stick to long term, Kirkpatrick and Cassetty advise their clients. And because of the high level of restriction required for the keto diet, it’s not always sustainable. Eating out can prove difficult, and social occasions like happy hour or a birthday party might not have modifications for someone on the diet.

Another con to going on the diet comes from the fact that there is a “fine line” between being in a state of ketosis and eating a really unhealthy diet, Cassetty said. Because it calls for a high-fat consumption, it’s important to prioritize healthy unsaturated fats, rather than saturated fats found in things like butter and processed red meat.

In fact, one of the most common misconceptions Kirkpatrick hears from clients is that the diet calls for people to just “eat bacon all day long.” But the type of fat consumed is crucial to ensure that the keto diet is done in a way that still protects overall health.

While processed foods may be compliant with the keto diet, they pose additional health risks. Processed meat is considered carcinogenic, meaning it raises your risk of certain cancers. Cassetty also cautions that some of the foods that the diet does eliminate, such as fruit, prevent people from getting important vitamins, minerals, antioxidants and other plant compounds that contribute to a healthier gut and overall better health outcomes.

And in regards to weight loss, Cassetty added that while the diet can help in the short term, those results tend to plateau after six months.

Another con that some people experience is the keto “flu,” side effects of the body switching up its metabolic processes to enter ketosis. Some people experience headache, fatigue and sugar cravings during this transition time, which can last between 10 days and three weeks, Cassetty said.

A keto grocery list Because the keto diet is relatively restrictive, planning is key. So first off, before even stepping foot in the door of a grocery store, it can be helpful to put pen to paper and make a list. So where do you start?

Cassetty advises her clients to start with a rough map for their week. Estimate how many times you will eat out and how many meals you will need to make a home. A good baseline is to pick a consistent breakfast to start each day on the right foot, then plan for two to three lunch meals and three dinner options. Then, construct your list around what ingredients you need to make every meal.

As you start to list out certain ingredients, it’s important to know what to look for on the nutrition label. The keto diet calls for a very low-level of carbs, but specifically net carbs, or digestible carbs. This is where fast math comes in. Net carbs equal the food’s total carbohydrates minus fiber and sugar alcohol content, Kirkpatrick said. In general, the diet calls for people to eat less than 50 grams of carbs total per day.

Another tip for those getting started is to decide what meals you love and find keto-friendly substitutions, such as cauliflower bases instead of traditional starchy foods and almond flour instead of traditional flour.

So what should you plan to put in your cart? With all these factors in mind, here is a keto grocery list to get you started:

Almond flour Almond flour is a low-carb baking ingredient that can keep you in ketosis without giving up your favorite sweet treats.

Avocados Avocados are a high-fat fruit that are rich in fiber, which can help keep you full and satisfied longer. Bring on the guacamole!

Brussel sprouts Brussel sprouts cooked in a plant-based oil can be a delicious side or base for a solid lunch or dinner.

Cauliflower crust and cauliflower rice If pizza is a food you can’t live without, substitute traditional dough for a crispy cauliflower crust. And for grains, while one cup of white rice has 45 grams of carbohydrates, one cup of cauliflower rice only has two grams.

Cheese Cheese is a high-fat snack or topping that can be healthily consumed with around one serving a day, Cassetty said.

Eggs For a quick breakfast, consider preparing eggs your favorite way, served with a side of sliced avocado and mushrooms cooked in a plant-based oil.

Frozen green vegetables If you find yourself with a short amount of time to prep a meal or snack, frozen veggies are an easy way to pack nutrients into your diet with little effort.

Grass-fed beef Grass-fed beef provides a source of red meat that is better for your overall health and more environmentally-friendly than other processed meats.

Herbal tea Tea flavored with ginger, turmeric or cinnamon can spice up your drinks with no added sugars while still keeping you hydrated.

Herbs and spices The best way to stick to a diet is to make sure you enjoy it, so adding and experimenting with new herbs and spices can add fun flavors to your eating plan. For example, if you’ll really miss bagels on the keto diet, consider picking up everything bagel seasoning to get that familiar fix.

Kale, cabbage, broccoli and other leafy greens While vegetables contain carbohydrates, the fiber content helps keep the total net carbs low, keeping the body in ketosis while providing a source of important vitamins and minerals that are good for your brain health.

Lean meats Lean and non-processed chicken breast and turkey breast are a good source of protein and a filling meal.

Low-carb snack bars For an easy snack that can be stored in your purse in case of a hunger emergency, try a low-carb, keto-friendly protein bar. For the most keto-friendly option, look for a bar high in fiber with protein. And to stay satisfied, make sure it’s a flavor and taste you enjoy!

Nuts Pecans, Brazil nuts, walnuts, macadamia nuts, almonds and pine nuts are low-carb, high-fat foods that can serve as a snack or meal topping. Just make sure to check each label to ensure there are no added sugars, and it’s best to avoid flavors or glazes.

Nut butter Almond butter and no sugar-added peanut butter are a low carb topping that offers a good source of protein. For an easy keto snack, try celery and peanut butter. Or, you can eat a spoonful out of the jar.

Plant-based oils Extra virgin olive oil, avocado oil and coconut oil are an easy way to sneak additional fat into your diet. Plant-based oils are preferred to butter because they contain plant compounds that are good for your gut. Plus, the unsaturated fats can help mediate inflammation, which is one of the main drivers of disease, Cassetty said.

Salmon Seafood is an excellent source of protein and is rich in omega-3 fatty acids, which can reduce inflammation in the body.

Sparkling water Dry mouth is one symptom of the “keto flu” that some people report experiencing as their body changes fuel sources from glucose to fat. Look for a flavored, but unsweetened, sparkling water to add fun tastes to your diet while keeping you hydrated.

Sugar-free dark chocolate If chocolate is a treat that you would miss while on the keto diet, find a dark chocolate made with sugar alcohols instead of added sugar to stay in the keto parameters.

Unsweetened almond milk A fortified, unsweetened almond milk offers a low-carb milk alternative that comes with the added bonus of calcium, vitamin D and vitamin E.

Zucchini Zucchini is a versatile green vegetable that can serve as a base for a variety of meals, such as zucchini noodles or zucchini boats.

Keto-friendly alcohol Your list is checked off, your cart is full and then, you hit the alcohol section. Now what? Never fear, there are various alcohols that are compliant with a low-carb lifestyle. 

Visit cpe bag homepage for more details.

Here are some alcohols that won’t break your keto diet.

Dry wines In general, the dryer the wine, the less residual sugar and lower the carb count. Wines do contain carbohydrates, so they should be consumed in moderation on the keto diet. For reds, try pinot noir, Cabernet Sauvignon and merlot. If you prefer white, try sauvignon blanc, chardonnay, champagne or pinot grigio.

Hard liquor Most spirits such as vodka, gin, tequila and rum contain few carbohydrates and no added sugar. Drink it neat, on the rocks, or pair with a sugar-free mixer like seltzer or tonic water.

[silver-ink-iron-words]

“Do you not know who I am?” the villain asked.

They were used to being regarded with caution, sometimes even terror. But the easy friendliness on this civilian’s face? That was new.

The civilian raised an eyebrow at the villain. Far stronger heroes wouldn’t have dared. “Sorry, I don’t follow celebrity news.”

Was this a trap? If so, it was a poor one. Strange behavior only makes the target suspicious, and this bar had too many exit points to stage a reliable capture.

“Does the name Radium mean anything to you?” Even if the civilian didn’t recognize their face, surely the name the media had given them would be familiar.

Realization sparked in the civilian’s eyes. “Ah, I get it now.”

There you go, the villain thought.

“You’re one of those superheroes, aren’t you?”

The villain blinked. “Come again?”

“Yeah, I’ve heard a bit about you guys. My buddy’s a big fan. Man, he’ll probably faint when I tell him about this.”

“You think I’m a hero.” Had the villain’s reputation really suffered that badly?

“Well, I said superhero, but that’s just what the TV calls you.”

“You don’t think superheroes are heroic?”

The civilian shrugged, their smile turning embarrassed. “Heh, sorry. I guess that came out wrong. No, you guys are great. I mean, I don’t know a lot. But I heard about that bank robbery you stopped. And when you saved that CEO being held hostage.”

The villain remembered that mission. They’d kidnapped the president of a corporation that had been, for years, dumping carcinogenic waste into the local river. The villain had nearly succeeded in forcing a stop to all operations, when the heroes came in and ruined it.

“But?” they prompted.

The civilian rubbed the back of their neck, glancing away. “I mean, as I said, all the stuff you guys do is fantastic. Really. It’s just . . . I’m just the little guy, you know? I’m sure all that high profile stuff makes a real difference, but it doesn’t mean much to you when you’re trying to get your paycheck to last ’til the end of the month.”

“So then what would you consider heroic?”

The civilian paused, considering. They told the villain about their coworker, who had been fighting tirelessly to start a union. “They have more guts than I do,” the civilian murmured, almost to themself. 

The villain titled their head to the side. “You fascinate me.”

The civilian laughed. “Careful, friend. People are going to mistake you for a villain if you say stuff like that, in that kind of voice.”

“Ah, I suppose you’re right.”

They talked some more, asking each other polite questions about each other’s lives. The civilian shared openly, the villain lied repeatedly. Drinks were ordered.

After a while, the civilian left, making a vague excuse about needing to wake up early in the morning. The villain waved goodbye, a kind smile on their face.

The moment the civilian was out of view, the smile fell.

Leisurely, the villain pulled out their phone. While it rang, they took the civilian’s discarded glass in their hand and stared at it. The civilian’s DNA would be all over the rim.

Their subordinate picked up on the third ring.

“Have them followed,” the villain said simply, and hung up.

It had been a very long time since someone fascinated them.

Part 2

[d3nt4l-d4m4g3]

Do you know if supplemental estrogen has the same level of harm for men as testosterone does for women? My cursory impression is that testosterone supplementation is much more deleterious for women's health in the long run, which just evidences the misogyny and female erasure in the movement. Estrogen has protective effects and been implicated in why women live longer on average. What are your thoughts? Signed, a radfem lurker who really appreciates all that you do :)

hey dear lurker!

yes, i'd say testosterone in women is more harmful as a rule than estrogen in men. in the cursory research I did, there aren't the same reports of chronic, debilitating pain in trans women as there are in trans men. However, that doesn't mean estrogen is without risks.

If you read my post about testosterone in the female body, you would see that testosterone lowers Ki67 levels. Ki67 is the protein that increases as cells prepare to divide. Dangerously low levels (as seen in FTMs) probably mean the cells aren't multiplying at all, leading to atrophy. Dangerously high levels means the cells are multiplying out of control, leading to cancer. Estrogen stimulates Ki67 levels. Estrogen is a known carcinogen.

In this study of 2260 trans women, it was found that the MTFs are 46 times as likely as their unmedicated counterparts to develop breast cancer. However, they were still not as likely to develop breast cancer as females.

The other major risk that stands out is cardiovascular. most pronounced is the increased risk of venous thromboembolism, the definition of which is:

is a condition in which a blood clot forms most often in the deep veins of the leg, groin or arm (known as deep vein thrombosis, DVT) and travels in the circulation, lodging in the lungs (known as pulmonary embolism, PE).

here is a table from this study that I will explain.

"expected cases" (ECs) means the control group, i.e. the risks of cardiovascular events in undrugged women and men respectively. The standardized incidence ratio, or SIR, is taken by dividing the number of observed cases (OCs) with the number of expected cases. a SIR under 1 means the incidence of a cardiovascular event is lower in trans women than in the control groups. a SIR above 1 means the incidence is increased.

For MTFS, the SIR is comfortably above 1 for both stroke and venous thromboembolism when compared with the male control group. (we can also see that for trans men, the SIR for myocardial infarction (heart attack) is very high, but that's for another post)

That means they are at higher risk for those cardiovascular events.

Now, because trans people are prone at higher incidences to "psychosocial stressors and smoking", synthetic hormones are probably not the only factors in the increased risk of cardiovascular events. But it's safe to say they are a major factor.

This study documents pain in MTF and FTM individuals after they've started cross-sex hormones.

(again, tangent— 61.5 PERCENT FTMS EXPERIENCED CHRONIC PAIN. OVER HALF. )

But MTFS also had a significant rate of chronic pain at 29.8 percent. they reported headaches, "breast" tenderness, and musculoskeletal pain. They also reported that the pain got worse as hormone "treatment" continued. it is also worth noting that testosterone dulls pain, meaning that MTFS on t-blockers and estrogen will be experiencing pain at a level and type that they've never felt before, which I can imagine is alarming. They also tend to be sexually impotent, prone to depression (as T is a mood stabilizer), and can suffer from lethargy, brain fog, and sleep disturbances off T, which can be partially attributed to the diuretic and anti-androgen Spironolactone.

here is a list of side effects of Spironolactone, link here:

(mild)

diarrhea and abdominal cramping

nausea and vomiting

high potassium levels

leg cramps

headache

dizziness

drowsiness

itching

(severe)

Allergic reactions. Symptoms can include:

skin rash

hives

fever

trouble breathing

swelling of your lips, mouth, tongue, or throat

Electrolyte and/or fluid problems. Symptoms can include:

mouth dryness

extreme thirst

extreme weakness and tiredness

fast heart rate and dizziness

not being able to urinate

Dangerously high potassium levels. Symptoms can include:

muscle weakness

not being able to move your legs and arms

extreme tiredness

tingling or numb feeling in your hands or feet

slow heart rate

Breast enlargement (gynecomastia). Symptoms can include:

growth of breast tissue in males and females

Severe skin reactions. Symptoms can include:

redness, blistering, peeling or loosening of your skin, including inside of your mouth.

now, most of these effects probably have low incidence rates, but the sheer number of effects leads me to think—if you're on this drug, there's a good chance you've got a handful of side effects. most of them are relatively harmless and some of them are debilitating.

I would throw in some testimonials from reddit, but r/mtf has recently been privated. It seems they felt it was necessary to have a safe space for males where they could talk about issues that pertain exclusively to them. I wonder why the same measures have not been taken for r/ftm. I wonder.

So, in conclusion, trans women do have an increased risk of cancer, cardiovascular events and chronic pain, and the drugs they take may have a range (a rainbow, even!) of nasty side effects. But chronic pain is nowhere near as guaranteed in trans women as in trans men.

edit: a couple of these studies are behind paywalls. I used sci-hub to access them.

[janiedean]

more of the tyrion/sansa mortician/hairdresser saga

cc @meri-vaahtoaa HAVE YOUR EXTRA DOSE OF IT U___U I HOPE IT’S TO YOUR TASTE U__U

sequel to this fic here, warning for... well, an embalming happens offscreen and no one is very sympathetic towards the dear deceased aka littlefinger I guess X°D *drops and crashes*

Thing is, Tyrion had absolutely planned to go back to Sansa Stark’s shop. He had been bracing up to see her again and if he caught himself glancing at his hair in the mirror more than usual, well, can you blame him, since he actually likes it for the first time in his life?

And then he sees her again a whole week after he walked into her shop, at his damned internship, with her mother, because -

“See,” the woman — how did she introduce herself, Catelyn, yes, Catelyn, “my sister should have been here but — she didn’t take her husband’s death that well.”

“I’m sorry to hear it,” his boss, Oberyn, says with all the professionally he doesn’t usually have when off the clock.

“Oh, don’t bother,” Catelyn goes on as Sansa notices him standing behind Oberyn and tentatively waves — he waves back —, “I mean, let’s just say that, uh. I… didn’t have a great relationship with him and my husband loathed him, and in between us he poisoned her against the entire family, so it’s not like anyone was that sad about his passing, but anyway. What I meant, if it was for me I’d have just told you that we’d do a closed casket funeral, but my sister is really adamant that it’s not, so I suppose that he’ll need to be embalmed.”

“You don’t sound too happy about it,” Oberyn says.

“I don’t know,” Catelyn replies, “I find it kind of creepy. Anyway, I absolutely don’t want to pay extra for the coffin, so —”

“I think,” Oberyn says, “that maybe I should show you what options you have making sure you’re aware of the cheapest ones, and my apprentice over there can start having a look at the corpse? Actually, Tyrion?”

“Yes?”

“I think you can handle embalming this one corpse, it’s not the kind you have to completely reconstruct from scratch and it could be a good exercise. That good?”

“Uh, of course —”

“Then — Mrs. Stark, if you’d follow me?”

Catelyn does and he’s left alone with Sansa.

“How interesting,” she says, “I had no idea this was where you worked.”

“I didn’t tell you now, did I?”

“No, but — well, they’re kind of — I mean, I wouldn’t want to say friends but we’ve come here for anyone who died in the family? I think, at least. Anyway, honestly, no one except my aunt liked Uncle Peter. You can relax when you work on him.”

“Well,” he laughs nervously, “at least when I come to your shop before my final I’ll have had a lot of practice, thanks to him. But — well. I should be done tomorrow morning at latest, isn’t the wake tomorrow afternoon?”

“Oh, yes,” Sansa says. “I’ll see you then, I suppose.”

Then she winks and goes to join her mother.

Well.

Time to go check on his first corpse, Tyrion thinks, and heads for the embalming room downstairs.

— —

Indeed, Mr. Baelish died of a sudden heart attack, which means that while his face is still half-contorted in a not exactly pleasurable expression, it’s not the kind of body you have to manually reconstruct. He only starts on it the next morning, no point in doing it a day before the actual wake, and he’s done in two hours, early enough to dress the body in the suit his wife sent over — extremely pricey, coming from money Tyrion can see that, but also exceedingly black and he’s not even sure it looks good on the man, but what does he know and what does he care? He’s just placed the eyecaps under the man’s eyelids when someone knocks.

“It’s open,” he says, and — “Sansa?” He blurts as she tiptoes into the room.

“Yeah,” she says, sheepishly, “I asked Mr. Martell if I could come say hi to you. Uh, I see you really pumped him full of carcinogen?”

Tyrion snorts. “Well, yes. Gotten the blood out, got all the right fluid in, made sure to un-set rigor mortis and so on.”

“For what it’s worth,” she says, “it looks like you are cut for this job. Sure, his hair doesn’t have the best cut, but — well. He kind of always looked at me creepy, so I never offered a free cut and I’m not going to start now. Will you be at the wake, just for science?”

“Yeah,” Tyrion nods, “that’s… I mean. I could not be, I’m not an official employee, but.”

“But?”

He figures he might as well go and say it. She did say she was going to put a move on him, didn’t she?

“But,” he says, “I understood you will be and I’d quite like to see you again.”

“Oh,” she smiles, delighted, “then by all means. Do come to the wake. I’m actually looking forward to it, now.”

Then she waves at him and leaves the room.

Tyrion is not going to faint and fall off his damned chair. He does have a dignity.

— —

“Heads up,” Oberyn tells him later, as they ready the room for people to walk inside in half an hour, “I absolutely do forbid actual employees from being unprofessional on the job, but you aren’t an official employee.”

“… Was — why are you telling me this?” Tyrion blurts.

“Because I’ve seen how Miss Stark looks at you and how you look back at her,” he shrugs, “and I certainly won’t begrudge you for being unprofessional, if you choose to be.”

Then he winks, too.

God.

God, has he just said Tyrion could —

He did.

Oh, from the way he’s grinning, it’s obvious he did.

Fuck.

He thinks he needs a moment or fifteen. And he could do with a drink, but — yeah. Not now.

Still —

He has no idea what’s going to happen the moment this wake begins, but he’s actually kind of fucking looking forward to it.

What the hell is his life, he wonders, and then the first people start knocking — early, of course — and he schools his face into a semblance of professionalism.

Or at least he tries to.

— —

“Well,” Sansa says one hour later, “this certainly has been something.”

Considering that her aunt broke down in tears over Mr. Baelish’s casket, then her son also broke out in tears because she was miserable and she was ignoring him, then he started screaming about how much he always hated Mr. Baelish anyway, then the aunt lost her shit at him and Oberyn had to calm her down, then some of Mr. Baelish’s friends were adamant in saying that he certainly had never tried to fuck with not paying his taxes which apparently Ned Stark is absolutely sure of and that turned also into a half-fight and then the aunt started arguing with Mrs. Stark about how the casket was too cheap for such a wonderful man and Tyrion is nowhere near sure it’s over yet…

“It has,” Tyrion says, wishing he could have a beer like most of the guys in this room, but technically he’s on the clock. Now that wouldn’t look very good, if anyone noticed, and honestly, he doesn’t want to get noticed by anyone else. “Also, I hope this doesn’t mean i can’t come get my hair done in three days.”

“Of course,” Sansa smiles, “I’d be delighted to have you. I did have plans, for when you did come.”

“Oh,” Tyrion feigns, “did you?”

“Maybe,” she replies, slowly, looking down at him, “if your employer has a storage room, I could show you some of them?”

“Well,” he says, “I don’t have a storage room, but.” He nods towards the stairs going down.

He’s kind of sure she’ll say no, and of course she wouldn’t, he just asked —

“Actually,” she grins, “lead the way.”

He swallows.

He does.

— —

Two minutes later, he’s sitting on the stool he used during the embalming process and he has his hands on Sansa’s face as she leans down slightly and she crashes her mouth against his, kissing him hard, her fingers grasping at his hair and tugging at it and he groans back into her mouth, his tongue slipping inside it, and she moans and —

“Well,” she says, “I absolutely don’t regret it.”

“Oh, you don’t?”

“You kiss really well,” she replies, and dives in again, her tongue moving against his, curling gently and tracing his teeth before she kisses him harder, and fuck but she knows what she wants and it’s just making him want to tug her closer and so he does and —

“Just so you know,” he breathes when they part, “Oberyn informed me I can be as unprofessional as I like until he’s not paying me for my services.”

“Does it mean we can do this while they fight their way through the wake?” Sansa grins.

“Yeah,” he says, “yeah, we can.”

“Splendid,” she smiles wider, and then her mouth is on his own again and Tyrion isn’t going to give a single fuck about the fact that he just kissed her in the damned embalming room.

He can tell her the cool facts about it later, he supposes, and then proceeds on kissing her again and again and again, ignoring the mess upstairs.

Honestly, if this is how his internship is starting, he thinks he’s going to enjoy this job a lot —

Though not as much as he’s enjoying the moment right now. Not at all.

End.

[honeym4rk]

station (jjh)

college! jaehyun x reader word count: 3.0k summary: four times you find yourself alone with jaehyun at a bus station.

There is comfort in the silence.

With every step you take, there is a crunch of fallen, juniper leaves at your feet. Your canvas tote bag is looped around your shoulder, your fingers clinging to the straps like it would shield you from the awkwardness of the current circumstances.

He’s got his hands hidden in the cavity of his hoodie. His knuckle cracking is sporadic, and you cringe at just how many times they’ve made an encore in the past two minutes.

You really should have begged Mark to tag along and leave the shindig so that this wouldn’t have happened- but alas, the boy was still hooked by the prospect of winning the next round of Mario Kart against Donghyuck. ‘It does some good to my self-esteem,’ he’d said. 

So here you are, sauntering bashfully to the bus stop with Jaehyun.

“So, uh- what bus are you taking?” You muster up the courage to speak up after a few minutes of painful reticence. 

“I’d have to take 922 or 153 from the opposite stop to get back to hall,” he sighs. It’s clear that he reciprocates the weird, distinctive tension here.

“And you?” He faces you with his raised eyebrows and you’re baffled by the sudden eye contact made. Your eyes dart elsewhere.

“Oh, I’m taking 922 from here.” You nod your head imperceptibly at the bus stop ahead of you.

A few metres away, there’s a zebra crossing, and you thank your lucky stars that you’re finally about to part ways. Oh, you’re sure Jaehyun is a nice person and all, but that doesn’t change the fact that the unspoken, kind enmity in the air is capable of being taut so hard around your neck that you asphyxiate. 

Ten more steps. Come on.

Five steps. 

Three steps.

“I’ll see you next ti-” 

Yet he doesn’t stop at the crossing. Instead, he continues his stride in tandem with yours towards the station. You stop in your tracks, slowly gesturing towards the beaconing street light with the hand you raised to bid adieu. 

“Aren’t you going to, you know..?” Eyes hinting at the yellow streaks of light, at the bus stop across the road, anywhere away from his own. Jaehyun notices your halt and follows suit.

“Well, I mean, Mark did ask me to see that you got home safe....”

You immediately wrack your brain for an appropriate response to his chivalry. It’s unclear how you should react; he really caught you by surprise. And from the way he’s gnawing at his inner lip and raising a hand to scratch the nape of his neck, you infer that he’s abashed too. All you manage is a small, “Oh,” as more silence ensues, before you start to blabber,

“No, no, thanks, Jaehyun, but it’s really fine, you don’t have to.”

His lips are taut into a firm, straight line and he lets out a surreptitious hum.

“Let me just wait ‘til you board your bus. Is that okay? It’s getting pretty late.”

You want to vehemently object. 

And you’re about to, but you let out a consenting “Yeah, alright.”

He’s invading your desiderated solace- yet something about his offer seems so genuine and saccharine that you comply out of curiosity. You’d heard things about Jaehyun around in school before, good things, especially seeing that he was well acquainted with your friends like Mark, but you’d never really encountered him until tonight, thanks to Donghyuck’s birthday celebration. Being a Linguistics student, fate hadn’t really presented many opportunities for him to meet someone majoring in Pharmacy. 

Therefore- you think to yourself- it wouldn’t be so bad. It’s unlikely that you’ll actually talk to him again, since you’ll probably never be within a radius of at least ten metres from him again. It’s alright, it’s okay. You decide to let him be a gentleman.

So you bask in the quietude shrouding the two of you, as you sit on the metal form, awaiting the arrival of a yearned 922. 

After all, there is the slightest hint of comfort in the silence.

There is also comfort in the familiarity.

You’re sure there’s a sense of déjà vu. It’s a similar scene to what had ensued a few weeks ago, at least, and you’re definitely surprised to be here again, with him . However, you’ve both abandoned the multi-layered cake of unease. It’s almost been completely devoured now. Fortunately.

Jaehyun’s chuckling relentlessly- nearly doubled over laughing- as you recount the earlier occurrences of the Friday night. 

“Yeah, no, but I’d give anything to see the look on Donghyuck’s face again.” His eyes crinkle into small crescents as he runs a hand through his silver hair.

“He looked so confident that it was going to work and I’d already told him otherwise, but I really don’t know what he expected.” 

Tonight, there had been an effort to study in Donghyuck’s apartment; considering the looming exam season. This purpose was indeed fulfilled, to some extent. 

Then Donghyuck, feeling rather ravenous, decided that he wanted to indulge in a quick and easy two-ingredient Oreo mug cake. The video tutorial truly looked too good to be true- you’d seen multiple YouTubers debunk the content-farm produced recipes. 

The wide-eyed boy was too desperate, however, as he credulously decided to fill his mug with crushed oreos and milk to the brim. He swore that it looked and sounded promising until a loud Pop! reverberated in the kitchen 30 seconds into heating.

Everyone gathered around to watch Donghyuck cry over his spilt milk, literally, as his appliance perpetually emitted smoke, its glass door burst open. Burnt mounds of moist black and white cookies were thrown at the white, metal walls of the microwave. Donghyuck fanned the plumes of smoke hastily.

“It looks like a volcano erupted.” Mark added, coughing, as he tried to swallow the chuckle bubbling at the back of his throat.

“Dude- I don’t want to say I told you so but,” You began to implore, before Donghyuck interjected.

“Maybe I should just try again, I think the microwave setting just wasn’t right.” 

And so he did- but to no avail.

The two of you approach the tiny station side by side, and you relish the warm, fuzzy feeling establishing in your stomach. Not quite butterflies, but maybe more like a tiny sprout popping out of the ground.

“To be fair, though, it didn’t taste half as bad as it looked.”

You snort. “Sure, because it’s literally sugar and milk with a dash of hidden carcinogens.” 

He lets out a low chortle. Jaehyun nails the bellowing dad laugh right down to a T, and some part of you finds this endearing.

A flash of bright light emerges as you look up from your feet. 922 has arrived and you’re rummaging through your bag for your bus card. 

“I feel like I left my card at Donghyuck’s, shit,”

The bus halts. 

“Here, use mine, I’ve got a spare.” Jaehyun offers without a second thought, pulling his card from the pocket of his denim jeans. 

“Go on, the bus driver’s waiting.”

You would have thought this through for a little while longer, but he was right. A scowl that said ‘Stop wasting my damn time,’ is plastered on the driver’s face, and it urges you to carefully pick the card slotted between his fingers. 

“Thanks so much- I’ll return it tomorrow, or something.” Your eyebrows furrow together and you clench your teeth together in a grimace.

“Yeah! Yeah, whenever. Good night, Y/N. Get home safe,”

“You too, thanks again!”

Boarding the bus hastily, you wave at him through the glass door as the bus sets off. He doesn’t leave until you’re out of sight.

You can’t help but grin as you examine the portrait on his student pass. He’s handsome, skin clear and glossy, hair parted such that there are a bunch of strands obstructing his forehead. It’s black in this image. You wonder how many colours it's been dyed. His dimples replicate the poked slime in the myriad of videos you’ve seen, and his cheekbones are incredibly prominent. 

It dawns on you that you don’t have his number, or follow him on Instagram, or have any means to contact him at all. You guess that you’ll have to fish something from Mark, but Jaehyun seems to beat you to it.

Unknown, [2340]: hey this is jaehyun lol hope you get back safe :-)

A sudden flash of the many possible outcomes this could entail breezes past your mind. You’re quite uncertain about how this will play out, and you unlock your phone to reply.

Y/N, [2341]: hii hahah thanks again! i can return your card tomorrow, just lmk where i can drop by

Jaehyun, [2341]: yeah sure, i think i’ll be cooped up in starbucks doing work w my friends lol 

Jaehyun, [2341]: u can join if ud like :o

There is comfort in the unknown.

There is comfort in the noise.

Your whole herd of boisterous friends are walking uphill from yet another study session at Donghyuck’s- there’s been quite a number of them since the first. You’re honestly amused by how many people can fit in his apartment. The study group has expanded from a mere four to a whopping seven people in total.

Thankfully, there haven’t been any microwave oven explosions since then, but you’ve had your good share of fun and company, and more importantly, productivity. 

The pack of young adults currently divulging the extensive, latest gossip and hall horror stories, you and Jaehyun stray further behind. You’re trying to listen in and pick apart information, but you’ve joined the conversation a bit too late for context. 

“Oh my god, Lia, you’re going to hate hearing this, but…” Jungwoo begins, his voice entering a decrescendo.

“But Jeno has a girlfriend? Yeah, I figured.” Lia wails. “I saw them together in the library the other day, being all cute and shit. My heart shattered .” She emphasises this by hitting Jungwoo’s shoulder out of pure frustration. 

“How long have they been together, though?” Ryujin quips, to which she gets a reply, but you try to drown out the rest of their conversation.

You tug at the arm of Jaehyun’s sweatshirt, and he leans closer to you as you query, “Who’s Jeno, again?”

“Cute dude that she keeps bumping into at hall, I think,” he mumbles. His words are semi-intelligible, because of the commotion right in front of you.

“Sorry? I didn’t catch that.” The infinite frequencies are hard to tune out, and it gets increasingly arduous to do so when Ryujin gasps.

“Oh shit, the bus is here!” Your friends are immediately ready to break into a sprint, but Jaehyun’s feet seem heavy as he continues to meander with you. 

“Jae, aren’t you coming? The next one’s in thirty minutes!” Jungwoo shouts as they begin to dash across the road.

“It’s fine, go on! I’m just a little lazy. See you!” Jaehyun dismisses him with the wave of his extended hand, and receives an incredulous look. The lame excuse confuses you, bamboozles you, but you wave goodbye to your friends anyway.

It’s been long since you’ve been caught alone here at the bus stop with Jaehyun- you usually head home with Mark every Friday. He’s not here, though. He’s crashed at Donghyuck’s for tonight.

“Uhm, what was that ?” You chuckle nervously, the little sprout in your belly magically reappearing. Truth be told, after the many lighthearted, late-night messages exchanged over the past few weeks, and after unravelling Jaehyun bit by bit, the sprout has grown into a pocket-sized garden. It brings its own butterflies, but you don’t quite have the audacity to admit this. There’s a different kind of trickiness lingering in the air tonight.

“Well, you know- Mark…and it’s- it’s getting late, kinda.” He’s timorous tonight. Under the luminescence of the bus station’s lamps, you see the pink tint land on the tips of his ears, something you’ve learnt happens when he’s rather shy. 

“I wanted to ask you something, too, though.”

“Okay, shoot.” You take a seat. He sits a modest distance away from you, cracking his knuckles instinctively.

“Well, I uhm, I’m not quite sure how you’ll react to this but,” he licks his lips.

“But?” You encourage him to carry on, staring as you await his continuation.

He looks as if he’s got the words at the tip of his tongue, the sea of sentences about to overflow from his mouth, and they’re spilling when he starts speaking again.

“Would you-” You listen intently, attempting to read his lips. However, he’s cut off by the booming wails of a velocious ambulance. You whip your head around to watch the vehicle pass by. 

Jaehyun breathes sharply, exhaling in frustration. The cries subside, so he tries again. 

“Y/N,” he clears his throat, and you face him once more.

“Yeah, sorry.”

“I was wondering if-” 

A fire truck zooms past the bus stop, and your attention is grabbed by the monotonous siren that raids your ears. Jaehyun notices your bus approaching, and he panics. The air-raid isn’t becoming distant; the truck’s obstructed by the imposing red-light flashing. There’s only so much time left to ask what he’s been dying to- and he can’t believe he’s getting cockblocked by the emergency services right now. 

You’re hearing Jaehyun spill a string of words but they’re incoherent- all you can seem to comprehend is the blaring repetitions that are relentless.

“What?!” You shout, fighting past the cacophony. “I can’t hear you!” You’re signing this to him, pointing to your ear and shaking your hand vigorously.

Your bus halts before you. Jaehyun’s in an absolute frenzy now. He doesn’t want to do this online. Something about hiding behind his screen sounds so ingenuine to him, and you’re already standing, shit, but he can’t win against the absolute pandemonium and doesn’t want to embarrass himself in front of the small crowd that’s alighted the bus, but he’s also not sure when he’ll get to talk to you in private like this again, 

So he clamours.

“Do You! Want To Go Out! With Me!” He’s cupping his large hands around his mouth, screaming into the makeshift amplifier with all his might, as you walk towards the front doors of the bus.

You look like a deer caught in headlights, eyes wide open in disbelief as you gawk at the boy who’s sheepishly glancing at everyone and using his hand to defend himself from their stares. The butterflies that have erupted in you are merciless.

And then you burst into a fit of laughter- Jaehyun curses the sirens for piercing through such a pleasant sound- and you nod profusely, one foot already boarding the bus.

The glass doors shut close, and you’re enthusiastically gesturing to your handphone, waving at him. The bus whizzes away.

He’s shell-shocked, and he’s unable to will his hands in drawing his phone from his pocket. The sudden series of vibrations brings him back to his senses.

Y/N (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝),[2257]: WAIT ask me again

Y/N (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝), [2257]: idk if i heard u right

Jaehyun, [2258]: k

Y/N (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝), [2258]: dude come back </3

Y/N (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝), [2258]: YES lol

Y/N (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝), [2257]: yeeeeeeees

It heavily hinders Jaehyun that night, but there is comfort in the noise.

There is comfort in the isolation.

It’s only the blinding fluorescent lights and the cool breeze presenting company at the bus stop- you’re grateful that the occasional cars speeding by are helping you break down the very last walls of tension between the two of you, if there are any.

Whoosh. 

“I really enjoyed today.” He smiles and steals a quick glance at you. You’re at a different bus stop now- a month later and you’re amazed that you’ve gone out with Jaehyun at least three times now.

You catch the slight twinkle in his eyes as he scoots a whole foot nearer towards you on the cool metal bench. The distance between the two of you is closing slowly yet your heart rate is augmenting. It’s accelerating now- faster than any of the rambunctious vehicles that race down the road, their engines revving dirtily.

Whoosh. A black BMW zooms past you both and you take the opportunity to reciprocate the cheeky glimpse.

“Me too.”

There’s fumbling of fingers and twiddling of your thumbs before you notice the sudden influx of light and buzzing and realise that your bus has arrived. Pure languish rushes through every vein in your body- you don’t want this night to end.

Jaehyun begins to stand and shoots a quizzical expression when you don’t follow suit. 

“Let’s wait for the next one,” you grin, your legs swinging back and forth as you continue to glue yourself on the elevated seat.

The sound of his chuckle envelopes you into a warm hug- it’s deep, and strong, yet soft at the same time- and then you’re pulled to your feet by your wrists before he embraces you with confident hesitation too.

“Is this- it’s okay, right?” He just wants to be sure.

“Yeah- very.” You breathe, and his boyish smell fills your lungs. There is difficulty in naming what scented cologne he’s used today; but you devote no more attention. You just wallow in the tangy, mellow fragrance that has permeated your senses.

He’s got his arms coiled around your waist, his palm extended to press your back closer to him. You’re playing with the sharp, freshly cut hairs on the back of his neck. You run your fingers through them and he dives his head further into the crook of your neck. Jaehyun’s muffled voice is tickling your shoulder-

“Your hair smells really nice.” The corners of your lips edge upwards into an unrelenting grin.

“Thank God.”

There is comfort in Jaehyun.

[honestlyjustanidiot]

1, 3, 7, 12, 16, 19, 21, 23, 24, 27, 30, 32, 35, 36, 39, 42, 44, 47, 48, 51, 53, 55, 59, 63, 64, 67, 70, 72, 73, 77, 79, 81, 84, 88, 90, 91, 94, 96, 99 hope you’re bored !

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? - according to receiptify some of my top songs currently are: Slow Burn by Kacey Musgraves, Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood, Rainbow by Kacey Musgraves, Whiskey Nose by The Silver Bars, Love On The Line (Call Now) by Her's, Tonight Belongs To You from The Prom (film version)

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. - Many girls were medically certified as "hysterical" or "of unsound mind" or even "morally degenerate", and the baby would be forcibly removed and brought up in the workhouse.

7: What’s your strangest talent? - genuinely don't know, don't even think I have any talents apart from being good at a couple of sports

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? - yeah no

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? - it's a tie between Marian Hill or Her's. It always used to be Marian Hill but recently I fell in love with Her's music just from my sister playing her friend's music in the house. I highly recommend both bands and both have very different vibes.

19: What does your URL mean? - that am just a bit on an idiot tbh

21: Who is your celebrity crush? - Lauren Jauregui, Alycia Debmam-Carey, Amalia Holm. Too many to choose from.

23: How do you vent your anger? - sometimes I journal and get out everything I want to say, sometimes I work out and work through the anger physically which always makes me feel better even if it's just a quick jog or something. I used to have a specific set of 3 songs I would listen to in a certain order to calm me down and then make me happy.

24: Do you have a collection of anything? - I don't but my housemates joke that I collect medical tape (microporous, zinc oxide, kt etc) because I'm always getting small injuries that can be treated and prevented at home lol

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? - Hate the sound of people eating or making noises from their mouth. Love the sound of a crowd at a match or the general sound of Roses (our inter-uni varsity competition)

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. - a wall to might right and a textbook from first year to my left

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? - York uni lol

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? - to increase the entropy of the universe. To me I think it's just to love in whatever form that is, with hobbies, careers, people, animals, natire, literal anything

36: Define Art. - to me art is the beauty you find in something. Anything can be art. A painting, sure, but also the way a flower blooms, or the way heart works in intricate detail, or the view of the earth from space. Anything you think beautiful I think is art to you

39: What time is it? - quarter past 11 at night

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? - oddly yeah and I shouldn't because it might be carcinogenic

44: What was the last film you saw? - actually think it was The Prom on netflix lol

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? - not that I can recall?

48: What’s your sexual orientation? - bi

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? - I have been known to but I'm trying to get better at moving on for myself

53: Do you save money or spend it? - save it

55: Love or lust? - love

59: Where were you yesterday? - my parents house

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? - idk?

64: Where is your best friend? - in their parents house in a different town

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? - sleeping lol

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? - absolutely

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? - a) I'd tell the people I love the most so they have time to plan and adjust. B) have as much fun as I can. C) probably yeah

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. - trust

77: How can I win your heart? - make me laugh, show me you want me, and show me you're a good person and you'll have me falling at your knees

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? - to stick it out with my best friend despite other people have too many opinions about us

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? - couldn't pay, got taken away

84: What is a saying you say a lot? - don't threaten me with a good time

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? - there's a few people but see the grudge question for why I won't be answering that

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? - push one over, see what happens, film it and send to my best friend

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? - super healing maybe

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? - Lauren jauregui

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? - not anymore lol

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? - I would say I would like to date a certain person and also tell them to vote for a certain person in the SU elections lol

[loserslibrary]

pairing: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier [Reddie] written by: Jane rating: Teen word count: 2,306  prompt: “ hello! Could i please request a domestic reddie fic! Anything with kids will make me very happy, thank you ”

Richie’s resigned himself to a lot of things in his life.

Some which are still true—he’s never going to be able to fucking ice skate, giraffe human that he is, but he’s found a workaround in being very good at letting Eddie pull him across the ice—and some which aren’t—namely some thought-to-be hopeless yearnst for Eddie when he was sixteen which culminated in two very dramatic song-writing sessions, proven unnecessary five months later when Eddie captured his lips in a kiss at the quarry.

Still, one thing he hadn’t been expecting to resign himself to was his lack of future as a PTA Dad, and yet, here he is. 35 years old and seeing his brief dream of being the cupcake god of Ms Divega’s class turn to smoke before his very eyes. 

Literal smoke, that is. 

“Daddy,” Gab says, nose scrunched up, tone solemn, “they don’t smell good.”

His daughter is highly critical. Unfortunately, she’s also correct.

Richie reaches to open the oven, before pausing halfway, glancing at the smoke he can already see, and then back at Gab. There’s a teenage Eddie in the back of his head, lecturing him and Bev on all the different types of smoke, and how they’re all bad for you, stop inhaling carcinogens, you fucking nerds—-okay, Richie can’t actually remember the entire lecture, just the way Eddie looked with his hand on his hip and brow furrowed, but he’s pretty sure that the takeaway of it is that he should probably move his daughter well out of range of any smoke that might escape when he opens the oven door.

“C’mon, Gabs,” Richie says, scooping her up in his arms. Her arms settle around his neck obligingly, and he’s overwhelmed with affection. There were legitimately days when Richie had thought he’d never have anything like this—when he thought it would be swallowing his feelings down forever, watching all his friends find something worth holding onto, staying on the sidelines because he couldn’t be brave when it counted. But look at him now: married to the love of his life, getting paid to make people laugh for a living, and baking health hazards with his daughter. He’s always had dreams he’s striven for, but none of his imagined happiness ever came close to how he feels now, burnt cupcakes and all.

He puts her down on the other end of the countertop from the oven, then hands her a tea towel. He leans in close, like he’s about to tell her something Top Secret, and she leans in eagerly. “If the oven explodes, just, like, fan it away,” he says conspiratorially. Her eyes widen, but she nods firmly, her face settling into a resolute expression. For someone with no biological relation to either of them, Richie thinks, it’s astounding how much she looks like Eddie when she does that.

He heads back to the oven and, with a quick exaggeratedly wide-eyed glance at Gab, he opens the door. Smoke immediately emerges, and Richie’s stuck fanning his hand in front of his face and coughing for a few moments until it dissipates enough for him to actually see. Grabbing a tea towel to cover his hand, he reaches in and pulls out the cupcake tray, dropping it on the stove top with a wince and slamming the oven shut.

“Mission success,” Richie says, giving Gab a thumbs up.

She surveys him and the cupcake tray dubiously. “They look bad,” she says bluntly.

“Okay, Operation Survive The Smoke was a success,” Richie relents. “Operation Cupcake God is still in progress.”

“Operation what?” Richie hears, and turns to face Eddie, who’s surveying the kitchen like he can’t decide if he should laugh or groan.

“Operation Cupcake God,” Gab repeats matter-of-factly. “Daddy’s going to take over the PTA like Darth Vader. ‘Cept I think he shouldn’t cut off Mrs Colby’s arm because she needs it to bake brownies and I love her brownies.”

Richie throws Gab a betrayed look. “How am I meant to overthrow her PTA dictatorship if she can still bake brownies to tempt you with?” he asks her.

“Not by serving these, that’s for sure,” Eddie says, prodding one of the cupcakes with a chopstick—where did he even get that?—and sporting the same dubious expression Gab was before. 

Gab clambers across the kitchen bench, peering at the carnage, and Richie swings her off, anchoring her to his hip. “Don’t get too close,” he warns, “the oven’s still hot.”

She throws him a very unimpressed look, and Eddie laughs. “He’s right, Gab,” Eddie says, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “It’d hurt.”

“Is it because we acciden’ly made a volcano?” Gab asks frankly, looking at the carnage with a curious expression. She leans over to poke one, forgoing Eddie’s chopstick and simply using her finger, and lets out a distressed huff when she touches it. “It’s hard.”

“Too bad this wasn’t for science fair,” Richie says. “She’s got a point about the volcano thing.”

Eddie laughs. “What’s Operation Cupcake God for anyway?” he asks. “Casual Thursday afternoon world domination strategies?”

“It’s the class party tomorrow,” Gab informs him, “and everyone always wants to sit by El because her mom makes the best brownies and I want them to sit by me.”

Eddie’s expression doesn’t lose its amused undercurrent, but it softens into fondness, and he reaches for her. She obligingly puts her arms around his neck and Richie hands her to Eddie. “I see how it is,” he says dramatically, “I’m the favourite until he’s home, huh?”

“Yep,” Gab says cheekily, before cackling with laughter when Richie squawks in outrage and proceeds to tickle her sides. Eddie, because he’s stronger and has more control of his limbs than Richie could ever hope to, keeps hold of her even through all her wriggling, though he takes mercy after a few more seconds and moves her out of reach of Richie’s hands.

“So, Operation Cupcake God is purely about Gab’s popularity, hmm?” Eddie asks, giving Richie a knowing expression.

“There may have been some newly-discovered dreams of being her class’ Peak PTA Parent,” Richie admits.

“I thought that might be the case,” Eddie says with a grin. “Why didn’t you ask Ben for help? Or Mike? Mike’s good at directions.”

“I’m good at directions!” Richie protests.

Eddie gives him a flat look.

“Well, I’m better than Bill,” he grumbles.

“Not exactly a winning argument, Rich,” Eddie says dryly.

“Ben’s got, like, an actual job,” Richie says. “And Mike—well, I probably should have called Mike, but like, I didn’t realise we could recreate Chernobyl with a cupcake recipe.”

“I’ve learned to never underestimate you two,” Eddie says, pressing a kiss to Gab’s nose, making her giggle.

“Hilarious,” Richie says, but he can’t help but give them a fond smile. God, he’s so fucking happy. He has been for years now, but it still never fails to take his breath away.

“Yeah, Jason called, he’s giving me your next gig instead,” Eddie says.

“You joke, but he definitely thinks you’re funnier than me,” Richie grumbles, before brightening. “Though the idea of you on stage is amazing.”

Eddie visibly shudders, and Gab gives him a concerned look. “Yeah, for you, because you enjoy my suffering,” Eddie mutters. “I’d rather help you stage this PTA mutiny than that.” He notices Gab’s expression, and nudges her forehead gently with his own. “You and I are happy sticking in the garage, right? Daddy can have all the stage he wants.”

Gab giggles. “Yeah,” she allows, before adding, “‘cept when we’re dancing. We’re way better at it than he is. I wanna be on stage then!”

Richie laughs. “Yeah, okay, rugrat, if I get the call for Dancing With The Stars, I’ll send you in my place,” he tells her. “You’ll be half their height and still the best dancer there.”

“Will I get a trophy?” she asks seriously.

“Absolutely,” Richie says. “All of America will vote for you—well, actually, America and voting systems don’t really have a good track record, but I trust the public to make better decisions with pop culture than politics.”

Gab gives him a blank look, and Eddie stifles a chuckle.

“You’ll get a trophy,” Richie promises, “but first, your dad promised to help us with Operation Cupcake God—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Eddie says, “back it up—when did I agree to that?”

“You said you’d help with the mutiny!” Richie says brightly. “Didn’t he, Gabs?”

Gab nods. “You did,” she says clearly. “I heard you. PTA munity then we hang in the garage.”

“Mutiny,” Eddie corrects gently, then sighs. “All right, fine. Let’s clear all this up, then start again.”

“Why do we need to clean it up? It’s just gonna get messy again,” Richie points out, which he feels is a reasonable objection.

Eddie throws him an incredulous look. Richie’s pretty sure Gab has no idea why that’s the expression he’s choosing, but she mimics it anyway. Double trouble, those two.

“A lot of reasons, like it’s going to be harder to clean later if we leave some of this stuff too long, and hygiene reasons for clean workspaces, but mostly that we only have one cupcake tray,” Eddie says, delivering his final point like the closing remarks of some law drama. Which, Richie has to admit, is kind of apt, because it’s a pretty hard point to argue against.

“Yeah, okay,” Richie says, but he swoops down and kisses Eddie on the side of his head, and then Gab on her forehead.

“What was that for?” Eddie asks, but he’s smiling, and the look in his eyes is so soft that Richie thinks he could die of it.

“Just overwhelmed with love for you, Eds,” he says, and it sounds like a joke, but it’s not, it’s not, and it never has been. Eddie’s always been good at seeing the truth behind the laugh—except when it came to him, but they’re well past that now, thank fuck, and now Richie gets to tell Eddie he loves him every day and not only does Eddie know he means it, but he means it back—and Richie’s glad for it every fucking day.

“Sap,” Eddie teases, but his expression is so fond that Richie thinks his chest might actually split from all the love welling up inside.

“Yeah, yeah, stop trying to distract us from the cleaning,” Richie says instead, ignoring Eddie’s huff of indignant laughter. “C’mon, put down the rugrat, she and I can tackle the volcano if you want to find an actual cupcake recipe that works.”

“You managed to cause this much chaos by following a recipe?” Eddie asks incredulously, but obliges.

“I mean, loosely,” Richie says with a shrug.

“This is what I meant about directions,” Eddie says, but he’s laughing. “Show me the recipe you had, I’ll see whether it looks useful.”

Richie nods his head towards his iPad—discarded on the couch in all the chaos—and turns to Gab. “You ready to scrub like our lives depend on it?” he asks, before adding in a stage-whisper that he’s perfectly aware Eddie can hear, “because they probably do.”

Gab starts giggling uncontrollably, and Richie turns his head to see Eddie pulling the finger at him. Richie’s face stretches into a grin even as he puts his hand over Gab’s eyes.

“Why, I never!” Richie says in his best Southern Belle Voice. “The absolute scandal of it—Gabs, I don’t know if you’ll ever be allowed to look at the world again. I’m simply gobsmacked—and from a gentleman, no less!”

Gab’s full-on cackling now, and Eddie’s laughing too, and everything in Richie’s chest feels light. She laughs at his Voices just like Eddie did when they were kids—though Gab actually thinks they’re good. To be fair, they’ve improved a lot, and Eddie probably had a point when they were younger.

It takes them a few minutes after that, mostly because Eddie and Gab would finally stop laughing but then catch each other’s eyes and set each other off again, but they eventually get the kitchen cleaned and a suitable recipe identified. Fixing the cupcake tray is an absolute mission until Gab has the bright idea to pour boiling water on the charred mess—“Like when we have to get blu-tack out of Saffy’s hair in class,” Gab says sagely, to which Eddie looks absolutely horrified—and it makes the burnt cupcakes soggy enough that they can scoop them into the trash with a spoon.

Even making the cupcakes is a lot easier with Eddie. Richie thinks everything is probably easier with Eddie, though he has to admit that following the recipe properly probably has some effect.

“Okay, sweetheart, what colour icing do you want to do?” Eddie asks.

Gab sticks her tongue out the side of her mouth as she thinks.

“She looks like you when she does that,” Eddie says quietly, and Richie starts.

“I didn’t know I did that,” he admits, and Eddie laughs.

“Only when you’re thinking really hard,” he says, then pushes onto his tiptoes to press a kiss against Richie’s lips. “It’s cute.”

“Cute, cute, cute!” Gab says, and Eddie looks at her in amusement.

“Where’d you hear that one, Gab?” he asks with a grin.

“Daddy says all your photos are cute, cute, cute,” Gab informs him.

Richie shrugs. “What can I say, Gabs? He’s always been so cute.”

“You’re cuter, though,” Eddie says to Gab, and she beams.

“Okay,” she agrees happily. “Can we do pink?”

And maybe Richie’s never going to be the Peak PTA Parent of Ms Divega’s class, or even just be allowed to bake anything without supervision ever again, but that’s okay. Watching Gab squeeze the piping bag too hard and Eddie lick his fingers of all the excess she got on him, Richie thinks he’s already got everything he needs right here.

[firelord-frowny]

I mean, you could talk all about how I perhaps wouldn’t have a life as comfortable as the one I have currently if I lived someplace other than the US, and I mean, yes, through the nightmarish struggles of my ancestors and the centuries of abuse they endured (and continue to endure), I’ve been hella lucky to have been born to black parents who managed to be largely spared from the traps that are laid out for black people in this country, and I’ve been able to enjoy a relatively stable home life.

But liiiiiike... 

lmfao lots of other people don’t get that. The fact I, personally, and most of the people around me are relatively comfy, doesn’t somehow invalidate the imposed struggles of all the millions of people, black and otherwise, who are literally starving, literally homeless, literally dying of preventable diseases, whose communities are literal war zones, torn apart by violence and drugs and police brutality, etc... Like ok, I’m comfy, but somebody else is getting executed in the middle of the street by law enforcement. I’m comfy, but somebody else is in prison for crimes that police framed them for. I’m comfy, but somebody else is homeless and can’t even take a nap on a park bench. I’m comfy, but schools in black neighborhoods are underfunded and neglected. I’m comfy, but people all over this country have no choice but to work horrifically dangerous jobs just to make ends meet. I’m comfy, but amazon workers are only technically not slaves. I’m comfy, but some corporation somewhere is dumping carcinogenic waste in the backyards of already marginalized peoples.

I’m glad to be fucking comfy but the existence of comfy people does shit all to help those who aren’t comfy, and any country that not just allows, but REQUIRES any of its inhabitants to live in poverty and squalor and fear is fundementally evil. It just is. 

[theonlycampix]

Okay I got tagged by both @porygonprince​ and @eevyerndracaneon​ so even though I’m not the type of person who normally does these let’s go

Rules: Answer 17 questions, tag 17 people (I don’t really like tagging people generally bc I feel awkward doing it :x) <-- this is :x not :x) I had to close the bracket

Nicknames: Basically everyone IRL calls me Cam - I can’t remember the last time I was called by my full first name. Other than that, Campix is...also very infrequent. Yeah it’s basically just Cam

Zodiac: Carcinogenics. Cancer. It’s...it’s a joke about cancer. I’m a Cancer. Homestuck did not invent the ‘carcino’ prefix alright that’s why he’s got that handle because ‘carcino’ means cancerous

Height: 6′. Much to the chagrin of my boyfriend.

Hogwarts: Hufflepuffle but like...I never really engaged much in HP

Last thing I Googled: Whether ‘carcino’ actually was a prefix that meant cancer or not (it is)

Followers: I honestly haven’t checked in forever and I don’t really check much but uhhhh 215 apparently

Song in my Head: That one song that plays when the *KSHZHZHZT* show up in the *KHZTHHZTHZTGHTH* during *KZHTHZ* Interlude V. Sorry about if u aren’t innoculated lol i hate that TAZ made me wait over 69 (nice) hours until I started slamming my head against the wall like I wanted (still was an entertaining listen though)

Sleep: Generally around 6 hours or so. I’m trying to go for 8 but I stay up late a lot of the time and if I want 8, I have to go to bed at around 11:30

Lucky Number: This one’s easier to read spelled out than with actual numbers. Came up with it when I was in Grade 4, added onto it in Grade 6, and kept it. Seventeen-hundred sixty-twelve point fourteen (1772.14, 17612.14, or 17006012.14 depending on how you want to note it.) I just wanted to make the most incorrectly phrased number. ‘Seventeen-hundred’ starts out alright, it’s a little unconventional compared to ‘one thousand, seven hundred’ but it works. ‘Sixty-twelve’ is just flat-out wrong. And ‘point fourteen’ is an incorrect way of saying ‘point one four’. So...yeah there’s a whole paragraph about my lucky number. As of yet, it has not come up. My discord tag is actually a reference to this number, if you have me on discord.

Dream Job: A fiction author. Not a super-duper famous one, but...I’d love to be able to write stories, whether they be books, games, podcasts, campaigns...I just love making worlds and characters.

Wearing: An old ‘ENFP’ shirt (The Myers-Briggs ENFP) that my mom got me for my 17th birthday. Or was it Christmas? Anyway it’s a really comfy shirt even if the design on the front is super faded.

Favourite Instrument: I’ve got a few. I love the way the guitar sounds but I absolutely hate its layout. This is because I grew up playing the piano and singing (my favourite ones to play well) and the piano is very well-organized. B and A are next to each other, and C# is between C and D. The guitar was made by someone who hates order. Or if they like order, they made the guitar according to the rules of fuckin 4D Chess. As for my favourite instrument to play that I can’t play well, that’d have to be the theremin.

Favourite Songs: Oh boy I have a lot. Tessellate by soupandreas, Face the Night by Tennyson, Sun Spat by EMEFE, Liftoff by Discoholic, When He Died and My Trains by Lemon Demon, Carried Home by Marcus Warner, Atlantique Sud by M83, Fireflies by Owl City, Superseded by Simpli, a BUNCH of songs by OK Go, DiscoVision by Anders Enger Jensen, Heartbeat by Jeddi, Fly Like a Butterfly and Funky Dealer by Hideki Naganuma, Sparkle from Your Name, Telling Myself by Nicholas Podany, Deja Vu by Ataraxia... (I’m just reading off my ‘All-Time Favourites’ playlist on Spotify at this point.)

Aesthetic: Arcades, digital, auroras, lo-fi

Favourite Author: Probably Lemony Snicket. He’s the one who encouraged me to start writing in the first place, and I take a lot of inspiration from him.

Favourite Animal Noise: Probably my dog Charlie’s barks. He’s a little shih-tzu and he’s so old and they’re just...pitiful. They sound like ‘oorghf’, like when an old dude stands up from a chair.

Random Thought:  I’m probably responsible for one of my friend’s crippling hanafuda addiction.

Tagging @nickel-for-a-nakysha (I’m sorry about the addiction) because I’m too nervous about tagging anyone else and also I don’t know if you’d even want to? So I know it’s a little lame to say but if you follow me and you want to do this, pretend I tagged you - if I didn’t but I know you it’s probably just because I’m nervous and didn’t want to bother you

[atamascolily]

lily liveblogs “terminator 2: judgement day” for the first time

Nothing says "Christmas season" like watching bloody action movies! Well, there is "Die Hard," but I'm watching Terminator 2: Judgement Day, aka "James Cameron Was Mad He Didn't Put Those Ten Minutes of Subplot He Filmed Into the Theatrical Cut of the First Terminator, So He Made An Entire Movie About It Instead Because He Could”.

Ok, so I have the "Extreme Edition", whatever that means. The menu options for the DVD include "Sensory Control" (for subtitle options) and "Jump Into Timeline". Every now and then a super-creepy T-2 metallic head drops into frame to remind you to press play. I'm loving this.  

Cars in L.A. traffic. Children laughing on a playground in the '90s. Cut to the Apocalyptic Nightmare Future with the busted cars and skeletons for drivers. Everything's STILL IN PLACE the way it was when Judgement Day happened. Oooh, yeah, just cut to the wrecked playground with a pile of human skulls, in case we didn't get the memo.

(for the record, I'm pretty sure nuclear winter would actually NOT WORK LIKE THIS, but it looks cool, and James Cameron seems to be really good at this kind of parallels between present and future, so I'm rolling with it.)

Sarah Connor narrates the introductory spiel, and we're treated to basically the same opening as T1, except much higher budget everything. Lots of laser beams and explosions and fireballs, plus scary metal Terminators roaming around that the last movie did NOT have the budget for. (plus the audiences have already seen that in T1, so it's okay to show them in the intro, since I assume an EVEN SCARIER TERMINATOR FINAL FORM is coming).

We're only 3 minutes into the movie and the filmmakers have already spent like a tenth of their total budget on SFX and twice the total costs of the first movie. 

It occurs to me as Sarah is narrating, who is she narrating to? Just us, or some other characters? I strongly suspect we'll see some other characters when this film finally cuts to her.

How does Sarah know about a second strike? Didn't we establish in the last movie that there was only one Terminator that went through the portal before the humans got to it?? Are they retconning that now?

Instead of '80s synth and logo during the credits, we get a more symphonic treatment of the main theme, plus THE PLAYGROUND ON FIRE because SYMBOLISM for the destruction of CHILDHOOD INNOCENCE, amirite?? And then we cut to the SCARY METALLIC RED-EYED TERMINATOR SKELETON IN FLAMES because THAT is the defining image of this francise, the one that James Cameron had NIGHTMARES about that he decided to give to EVERYBODY ELSE by making these films.

I just realized how much the Terminator head in that shot looks like a human skull, THAT'S SO INTENTIONAL AAAAAH.

Cut to a truck driving off without its cargo, trash on the ground. Sparks fly, a wind picks up, it's night, we've been here before... This time the budget is higher, so we actually get to SEE the sphere instead of people just kind of appearing... and it carves a hole in one of the trucks. This ALSO didn't happen in T1. Nudity is still mandatory, though. It's still Arnold. You can tell it's an upgraded model Terminator based on his computer system menus. He still beats up tattooed punks to steal their clothes, only instead of stoned punks, these are long-haired motorcycle dudes in some sort of pool bar.

Oh, wow, there are a lot of people in this bar. A woman with a cigarette and a nose ring is checking the Terminator out. This is going to go well. Country music blares on the soundtrack.

He's looking for the dude with the best motorcycle. Tells him to give him his stuff. This is just like the first movie, but different. The dude is unimpressed, though why I'm not sure, because the Terminator is super-intense, and super-buff.

But the motorcycle dude blows smoke in his face--the T2 model scan says "carcinogen vapors", which is a) hilarious, and b) SO DIFFERENT FROM THE "EVERYBODY IS ALWAYS SMOKING EVERYWHERE" vibe of 1984--a sign of the evolving social norms. Then the motorcycle dude grinds his cigar into the Terminator's bare skin... and of course there's no reaction.

One dude goes through a window onto the front window of what may well be his car(?). The original dude goes flying into the kitchen and lands on a stove, which is horrific, but also karmic payback. Another gets stabbed with his own knife. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, CAMERON. Burned guy tries to pull a gun on the Terminator, but surrenders his keys and his clothes without a fight. Terminator goes outside in record time, because the dude he tossed on the car window is still there.

The bartender comes out with a gun, fires a shot into the air, and tells the Terminator to get off the bike. This is going to end poorly for him, especially since "Bad to the Bone" is playing in the background. Terminator takes both the gun and the guy's shades while the dude just watches, incredulously. YOU GOT LUCKY YOU'RE NOT HIS TARGET/MISSION, pal.

(also: this movie is such an obvious social commentary about how being armed really doesn't help you against a real threat, American fantasies to the contrary)

Cut to more blowing trash, more buildings, more trucks, a police car, electricity. The future is calling! (Oh good, this person's either going to be chased by the police OR Take their stuff.)

Dramatic hole in the fence from the future sphere thing. Yeah, this definitely wasn't a thing in the first movie, but it does look cool in this shot! Yep, there goes the policeman!

New dude's first order of business is to look up John Connor's name in the computer in the police car. Apparently, John Connor has a criminal record - trespassing, shoplifting, disturbing the peace, vandalism. He doesn't live with Sarah... he's got a guardian, and the address is in the computer.

Cut to the suburbs. It's wholesome, white-bread America. His foster mother yells at him. John is a teenage motorcycle punk, but in a clean, wholesome way. His friend has very '90s hair, though.

John's friend thinks that his foster mom is a "dick," but frankly, I see no evidence why we should hate her thus far. Her husband comes out to tell John to clean his room, but he and his little friend are already zipping away on their motorcycle, and the little friend is holding a miniature boombox, and it's so '90s, I have to pause so I can laugh for a while. Also, this rebelliousness is what's going to save his life when the Terminator comes for him. I guess the foster parents are framed as nagging assholes so we don't care so much when they die??

(also, what do you want to bet Sarah taught John to ride a motorcycle??)

John Connor is a little dick who thinks he's so clever, and he doesn't have to do anything because these aren't his real parents. His foster dad smokes, and doesn't say anything, probably because he's already made it clear to his wife that room cleaning is not high on his priority list. Fuck him.

Sarah's doing pull-ups in her cell. THOSE ARM MUSCLES, OH MY GOD. She's 29 years old. SUCH A CHANGE from the waitress with the '80s hair from the first film. Everything's so white, it's a state psychiatric ward for women. Men in suits discussing Sarah's case.

THIS IS WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED TO KYLE IF THE TERMINATOR HADN'T BUSTED THE POLICE STATION. *sob*

Is Silbermann - the psychiatrist who examined Kyle in T1 still around? He left the police station right before the Terminator's attack, so I assume he lived... what does he make of Sarah's case? Does he ever follow up? I wonder what's going through his head.

I like how we don't see Sarah's face until she turns to face the doctors. I like how wild and unhinged she looks, how feral. She's changed so much in what, ten years? Thirteen? I think it's 1997, just before Judgement Day, but idk if that's been confirmed yet. Thirteen looks about right for John Connor, so I'm going with that.

Oh, god IT IS DR. SILBERMANN, THAT ASSHOLE!!! How does he explain how both Sarah AND Kyle have schizophrenia, when Sarah was perfectly normal before? And he *know* someone was murdering other Sarah Connors and seemed to be gunning for her, so why...? Was he really that much of an asshole not to suspect that *something* was going on, and Sarah wasn't crazy??

Also, I love "How's the knee?" because she totally hurt him, and I love her. I love how calm she sounds, like she's the one in control not them, because she can hurt them more than they can hurt her.

Sarah stares at the female doctors, and I realize now that Silbermann is doing a tour of the facility LIKE IT'S A ZOO, and... yeah, wow, he really is an asshole. He's the one with delusions, who can't see outside his own sheltered bubble...

I wonder what would happen if Sarah could talk to one of the female doctors? If they could make a connection? Maybe they would believe her. God knows Silbermann isn't going to listen to anyone who doesn't already agree with him.

God, the orderlies are sadist assholes. I fucking hate them. That shot of Sarah lying crumpled on the floor is so beautiful because everything is angelic pristine white and sunny, and so horrifying.

The police dude shows up at John's foster parents' house. We're supposed to think he's good because he's not Arnold, but this person has no facial expressions and he's too calm - compare with Kyle's frantic fumblings. This is not somebody from the human resistance of T1, at least not without some serious retconning. He's too poised and professional, too adept at the 1990s, whereas Kyle Reese had the social skills of a feral racoon and wore pants he stole from a homeless man. Totally different vibe going here.

The knock on the door sequence is so parallel to the original Terminator going to the first Sarah Connor's house in T1... same suburban paradise... and you can get anything when you're a clean-shaven, short-haired white cop, can't you??

Cut to: '90s tech. John and his little friend hacking an ATM. God. Their clothes, their hair, the ATM... everything is peak early '90s, and I can't handle it. We learn that Sarah Connor taught her son how to hack, because of course she does.

John keeps the photo of Sarah in his backpack, awwww. John is so not impressed by his mother, calls her crazy because she took the war to Cyberdyne and WENT BACK AND TRIED TO BLOW UP THE COMPUTER FACTORY AGAIN AFTER KYLE DIED!! (and her son was born)

Q: what did she do with John while she did that? Was he outside waiting for her somewhere? How did the police find him??

It doesn't matter who your parents are, EVERY teenager thinks their parents are "total losers". John has a chip on his shoulder a mile wide. His little punk friend thinks Sarah is so cool, and he doesn't know any of this, so I guess they're not THAT good friends??? Since it's John's motorcycle, John's driving, and John's stolen money, I guess the little unnamed punk friend is only hanging out with John because John is so much cooler than him, and needs someone to exposit to??

That shot of a drugged Sarah slumped over her knees on her bed in the shaft of sunlight, with her hair combed is SO BEAUTIFUL, too bad she's a drugged shadow of her usual self...

OH MY GOD, MICHAEL BIEHN IS IN THIS MOVIE, AND HE COMES TO HER, AND HE'S WEARING HIS TRENCH COAT AND TELLING HER SHE HAS TO WAKE UP OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG MY SHIPPER HEART asfhgfkgkfdgjkfdlgf *incoherent screaming* I need a thousand GIF sets of this scene PRONTO.

Kyle: "Where's our son???"

god, Sarah's EYES when she says they took him from her

Kyle is so earnest, so desperate, so much less bedraggled than he ever was in T1... god, he's even wearing that stupid gown under his trench coat that he got in the police station in T1, that detail wrecks me, oh my god, oh my god, this scene is so beautiful, I just want an entire movie of THIS, oh my god...

Sarah is begging Kyle for help, and he grabs her shoulders and tells her she's strong, stronger than she ever thought she could be, LIKE HE'S ALWAYS DONE, OH MY GOD, beautiful cinnamon roll, too good for this world, I love him.

AHHHHHHHHHHH, and then he says "On your feet, soldier!" which is what she said to HIM right before he DIED, and he forces her UP and they EMBRACE and she's sobbing into his shoulder and he hells her he loves her and he always will, and HKGKSFJALFNDBJNJN

I am a melting pile of shipper goo right now, this shot of them in the sunlight is so fucking beautiful, James Cameron HOW DARE YOU THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANTED IN A MOVIE EXCEPT THAT KYLE IS STILL DEAD, DAMN IT, YOU DIDN'T RETCON THAT.

He says he'll always be with her... and he is, because he's a voice in her head, a memory.... ahhhhhhhh my heart...

And he tells her "The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves," which is what SHE SAID TO HIM, oh my GODDDDDDDD.

And they hug and kiss and I could watch a whole movie about this, and then she slumps back and she's alone in her cell in a shaft of sunlight and I just want to cry. whhhhhyyyyy do you have to hurt me this way, why, why why why why whyyyyyy?

Oh wait, he's at the door to the cell, and it's open, telling her there's not much time... and walking away, and she goes out to follow him as he's walking down the hall and everything's so eerily perfect white and shiny and beautiful and SURREAL, fuck, I am so HERE FOR THIS!

God, this is all beautifully shot as she chases after him - and we get a good view of her amazing forearm muscles without objectifying her. The nightgown she's wearing is NOT standard institutional outfit - it looks more like lingerie than State Mental Hospital Standard Issue - but it's not especially revealing, either.

She opens the doors and she's outside and there's that playground again with all the children playing... SYMBOLISM AGAIN.... Sarah is locked out, away from the children, yelling to save them... and then fire.

And she wakes up in her cell and her hair is a mess again, so this time we know it's real -- and her outfit's changed, too, back to the tank top she was originally wearing, so I guess her outfit was part of the dream, too.

(ngl, I wasn't expecting even THIS MUCH of Michael Biehn in this movie, so I will happily take it, but stilllllllll... I WANT MORE, GODDAMN IT!!!)

(this got long, so I’m breaking it up into parts)

[abigacpbgsu-blog]

Your bathroom is full of unnecessary junk.

Here’s the truth: half of the stuff in your personal care products is unnecessary. The “split-end repair” in your conditioner is silicone. The “clarifying” in your shampoo is sulfates.

This subject isn’t just for girls, or even just for people who care about how their body wash smells. The parabens in your shampoo can cause birth defects. The aluminum in your deodorant can give you breast cancer. The formaldehyde can give you cancer. These are problems that can affect anyone regardless of gender or age.

OK, it’s not that drastic. Don’t throw out all of your bottles and jars just yet. Chemicals aren’t always dangerous. Artificial additives aren’t always dangerous. When I start to talk about this subject, many people make hippy jokes, or say, “Water is a chemical!” I’d like to begin by emphasizing that many of the chemicals I’d like to touch on aren’t going to cause immediate harm. Or, at least they haven’t been proven to yet. At the least, many chemicals haven’t been in use long enough to show side effects. So, the point I offer, is why take the risk for a dollar or two cheaper?

Fortunately, it isn’t rocket science to avoid harmful ingredients. I’m no expert, but after some short research over time, I can look at an ingredients list and tell you it’s integrity.

I’d like to offer a short breakdown of my dealbreakers.

- Parabens: Parabens are a naturally-occurring preservative that has been used for hundreds of years and have proven very effective at preventing bacterial growth. However, studies have shown that parabens are a possible carcinogen, or endocrine disruptor, aka reproductive disruption. I think most of us would like to play it safe, and most products fortunately advertise as paraben-free.

- Silicones: Silicones are a plasticy polimer included in countless moisturizers and hair care products. All silicones do is coat your hair in their plasticy coating to create a smooth feeling. Over time, they build up, making hair feel heavy and dry. They keep moisture out and in skincare, can clog pores and cause acne. No thanks!

- Sulfates: Sulfates are a surfactant - AKA they lift oil and buildup easily. Sulfates aren’t bad for everyone. However, if you have dry skin, dry hair, thin hair, hair loss, eczema, just to name a few, you’ll want to avoid them. Personally, sulfates make my hair extremely dry immediately. Many products use silicones to cover up the drying effect. Sulfates in shampoo lift silicone residue, silicone in conditioner seals the drying effect of sulfates, and the cycle continues.

- Phalates: Phalates are another endocrine disruptor/hormone mimicking chemical. Fortunately, in my experience, phalates are advertised to be excluded from most personal care products. Still good to know, and I still always look for this fact on the label!

My personal frustration with this particular subject is the fact that it doesn’t take a lot to get these risky chemicals out of our products. According to Campaign for Safe Cosmetics, Canada has banned hundreds, the EU thousands, of chemicals from personal care products that are known to cause respiratory, reproductive, neurological, or any bodily harm whatsoever. Connecticut even passed a statement telling stores to simply “follow the rules of the EU”, which isn’t even a law or seriously enforced. Here’s a harrowing fact; the U.S. has only banned or restricted 11. Doesn’t that bug you? It bugs me! You don’t hear Canadians or citizens of the EU complaining about their selection, so why can’t we do the same?

Let us touch on the demon of personal care products, and you’ll understand the answer to that question: Fragrance. I believe the ingredient of fragrance tells an interesting story regarding the truth behind ingredient lists. When one reads fragrance on a bottle, they’re probably assuming its actually fragrance. Maybe some essential oils, natural scents? Instead, fragrance is used as a hidden umbrella term that companies use to get around the FDAs ingredient requirement, which details that companies must include full ingredient lists. If there are some ingredients companies don’t want you to see, they can legally hide it by including it under the term “fragrance”. This includes PHALATES! Did I mention phalates have been linked to many hazardous health conditions, such as reduced sperm count, liver and breast cancers, reproductive malformation, and diabetes?! Yikes! I saved that fact to really emphasize that companies are trying to hide this from you! Another example of an ingredient that can be hidden is various types of alcohol, which while isn’t quite a harmful ingredient, is a drying ingredient that people with dry skin may want to avoid. Those two, along with over 3,000 other chemicals. Yes, 3,000 chemicals hiding under one single word.

An easy way to avoid these chemicals is a simple “fragrance-free”, or honestly just “insert-chemical-here free” which are usually at the forefront of most products because its good for advertising! In my personal opinion, if corporate greed means better quality products, that’s fine by me! It’s the same logic behind the greater accessibility of organic and vegan foods, which is a whole other blog post in itself! It’s one that I probably would write if I was vegan or generally cared! That is a lie, I do care what I eat, but that isn’t what this is about.

This relates to a subject that I think we all should have been doing for a long time, which is applicable to many things, not just personal care. Knowing what you are putting on your skin and ingesting takes a small amount of research! A good deal of the information in here is off the top of my head (yes, I did check all of my definitive statements before making them). The amount of information on this subject is endless but concise, concise because the people behind publicizing this information want everyone to know! As they should, because companies nowadays are only going to advertise what they don’t have, not what they do. This is another habit I want to impose onto you, the reader, to practice. If you find a product advertises “No sulfates or parabens,” go ahead and double check for phalates and fragrance. And vise versa. Obviously. It’s a lot more likely than you think and is the biggest thing that bothers me about the corporate greed I was talking about. It doesn’t take a genius to notice the plethora of buzzwords shoved down consumers throats on every single product they ever own ever. This is a subject that took me such a small amount of time to become fluent in, so I try to encourage anyone who will listen to me to take my advice.

If it isn’t apparent, none of these ingredients are necessary! There are easy alternatives that aren’t expensive to produce. Plus, many products that don’t include these mentioned chemicals have more good stuff, including more responsibly sourced ingredients (there’s those buzz words coming in!). I’ve come to notice when I’m shopping that the prices for better products are indistinguishable from their chemically-troubling counterparts. This is because many of these ingredients are not only ineffective, but not even a cheaper alternative anymore. For example, Triclosan was a common ingredient in many soaps, toothpastes, detergents, and toys. It’s also one of the few ingredients restricted by the FDA. This is because it causes birth defects and reproductive harm. So why was it found in 3 out of 4 people’s bodies up to its ban? This ingredient was used in virtually every personal care product available!

I want to touch on that bolded sentence: found in people’s bodies. Yes, that is why this is important. A lot of people think; I’m just washing my hair with it, I’m not eating it or drinking it. Our skin absorbs everything we put on it. This really should make sense and should really matter to you. Think about everything that touches your skin for extended periods on any given day. Body wash. Lotion. Shampoo. Conditioner. Aftershave. Leave-in. Hair gels. The list goes on. This is why it’s important to be somewhat aware of what is in those products. It is all absorbed into your body, and trackingly so. As stated, there are tests that can track the chemicals absorbed into your body. Personally, I don’t want to have enough of anything artificial in my body that it can be traced.

A resource that has greatly helped me in this journey of product understanding is the Environmental Working Group. Not only does EWG have countless information regarding the information I’ve discussed here, with entire well-cited articles surrounding any single aspect included here, but they also have a handy-dandy database that gives you a quick summary of any product you own. You can type in any product and get an easy to understand rating, score, and explanation about all of the ingredients in it. Even if you don’t care about this subject in particular, it can still be interesting to see! They even have an app with an easy barcode scanner and are always adding products to their database.

[trelleste]

So, I’ve seen this tweet pretty much everywhere since Trump signed the bill to make the legal agr for buying/using tobacco 21 I stead of 18. Everyone’s mad about it (by everyone, I mean the cranky and very loud 18-20 year-olds).

Let’s get this straight real quick like.

This is bullshit.

One does not become able to do all of these things the moment they “become and adult,” and they do not “become an adult” the moment the clock strikes midnight on their birthday. These activities (for lack of a better, all-inclusive term) may have similar legalization ages, but they have completely different reasonings and necessities involved in setting that age limit.

Tobacco and alcohol are actually fairly harmful substances that are particularly dangerous (and habit-forming) below a certain age when the brain is fully developed. Not that teens have underdeveloped brains, but they are still growing and changing a little until 21 or 22. Drinking relatively heavily in your teens can actually stunt the brain development, so the drinking age was moved up to 21 to preserve that health-aspect.

Tobacco has more harmful effects because of the age, but is easy to get hooked on if you aren’t careful; plus, it is a known carcinogen. Let’s face it, lots of 18 year olds aren’t thinking much about the future and often get themselves hooked on a substance like this and blow a lifetime of health and money on something they would have had a lost change of starting if they have waited a few years more.

Now, while those substance shave limits because of physical dangers, things like the legal voting are are set because of mental capability. At 18, a person may not have a world-class understanding fo economy, international relations and other political issues, but they know enough to have a valid opinion, and opinions should be voiced. As a certain age set, cutting out the younger voices can actually be cutting down an entire minority opinion if the teens see an important need that other generations won’t notice. Those voices are valuable, and at 18, they know enough to see and speak.

I could go on, but it is important to understand the reasonings behind these laws and apply those, not try to lump ‘adulthood’ into one gross door prize. Apply logic. Be smart. Stop wining just because you can’t get your fix.

[kehayesmj-blog]

Happiness and Celebrity Worship: So What’s the Problem?

Imagine being in the shoes of a world-famous pop culture icon. You’re sitting in the back seat of an expensive limousine as it comes to a halt, and your manager and bodyguards direct you towards a fancy building for a celebrity interview. Upon reaching the stage, you see everyone is listening carefully, anticipating a spark of inspiration. With the awareness that you are about to change a large percentage of the world’s disposition, you are ready to inform everyone of not only your life, but to change how they live theirs as well. You have a message to get across in this interview, so you stand up, clear your throat, and proudly proclaim that birds aren’t real.

This is a situation that has occurred numerous times over. The bird theory is interchangeable with any other outlandish claim or theory, but the concept is constant. Nearly thirty percent of people under the age of 30 would quit their jobs for fame alone and follow the lifestyles of celebrities in some form. Furthermore, do you know someone that has obsessed over or “stanned” a popular artist, possibly to the point of intimate attraction? It turns out that these two circumstances are rooted in the same mental ailment. If the issue seems familiar, it is because celebrity influence affects everyone, whether they want it to or not. This has some merits to it but can also harm large groups of people in various ways such as indoctrination and stalking. Many lives are affected in some way more than just culturally because of this. Perhaps your friend is adopting their favorite musical artist’s fashion sense, has social media accounts dedicated to their favorite actor, or even has pictures of them printed out to fit their aesthetic. All these tendencies are in some way a form of celebrity worship. Dr. Lynn McCutcheon of the North American Journal of Psychology separates celebrity fandom into “Entertainment Social Stage,” which defines more casual followers and people that simply seek entertainment on a non-serious level, and “Worshipper” which defines obsessive tendencies such as studying a person’s whereabouts, owning an unnecessarily large amount of keepsakes related to a popular person, or extreme sexual fixation. With further research conducted on mental health since the mainstream rise of celebrity obsession culture, a much more psychological case has appeared that defines and details every variant of celebrity worship. There have been cases of people led to harmful lifestyles simply because it was what their favorite movie star thought was beneficial, such as with Charlie Sheen’s and Jenny McCarthy’s fans believing in their conspiracy theories. Without awareness or recognition, this is a problem that could potentially mislead people at an even larger scale. With governments picking up on the relevance of certain celebrities, the case of celebrity worship is beginning to gain influence on the national level in some nations. In recent years, South Korea has made a statement and endorsement for their native pop stars under the condition that they abide by the nation’s values, directly affecting the opinions of fans worldwide. Whether a case of icon obsession is affecting a loved one’s mental health, radicalization, or personal economic decisions, celebrity fixation is a topic with many influential details. Obsession over celebrities and their values is an informational and important study for the good of modern mental health, and the importance of recognizing this is crucial to furthering personal fulfillment.

Misinformation and Radicalization

           People have been falling for the unusual ideologies followed by celebrities since celebrity culture’s shift to pop culture in the early 20th century. However, their ideas were not seen as widely until the late 20th century with pop culture becoming more experimental and expressive. While musical artists such as Elvis Presley, Mick Fleetwood, and Dave Mustaine were always known for some strange views, actors, hosts, and talk personalities usually kept their views to themselves with minimal exception. With social media’s rise, it is much easier to convince the public of things that would normally be seen as extreme or nonsensical. In 2006, Patricia Heaton convinced a group of followers to refuse and deny embryonic stem cell research. This view became such a hot topic because she had proposed to discontinue stem cell research, contraceptives, and pregnancy termination to a group that continues to believe and support these ideas to this day due to her prestige. Many groups focused on unsupported claims, extremism, and conspiracy theories have seen an increase in subscription because of how easy it has become to follow polarizing figures. Charlie Sheen has come out as a Truther and a conspiracy theorist, going as far as making a film with undertones of false information about the attack. Sheen claims: “There are still a couple of things just rooted in simple physics that beg some measure of inquiry. I was in contact with a lot of family members and they were in concert with a lot of my questions.” Jenny McCarthy has gone on record claiming that vaccines gave her child autism. Podcast host and researcher George Ouzounian has stated that “Celebrity worship is the reason we have anti-vaxxers,” attributing the entirety of the anti vax movement to the misinformation of celebrities. “We have people like Jenny McCarthy going on record saying vaccines gave her child autism and her fans just eat that up. Correlation must cause causation, right? She failed to control variables such as chemicals, clothes, plastic, known carcinogens, water, etc,” says Ouzounian in episode 29 of his podcast The Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Another example of blindly following an affluent figure is Stan Culture. “Stan” culture is a popular form of celebrity fandom and worship in both the West and Eastern hemispheres. The western term is derived from an Eminem song titled Stan (short for Stalker-Fan) where the rapper goes in depth about the story of a fan that designs his lifestyle around the lyrics in Eminem’s music. He misinterprets the insane, violent nature of the rapper’s on-stage persona as a lifestyle that he actually lives, causing the fan to go insane and murder his girlfriend in reference to another of Eminem’s horror story type songs called “Kim”. The cautionary nature of the song Stan’s message ironically did not get across to the current generation of celebrity “Stans”, as they view the stalkerish nature of the Stan character from the song as something to look up to, just as Stan looked up to the character Eminem plays in some of his music. Stan Culture causes fans and obsessors to defend everything their idol does, even if it is misguided. “You got some issues Stan, I think you need some counseling. To help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you get down some” says Eminem in the song “Stan” referring to the stalker fan needing medical and mental health attention. Further evidence of this can be found in a case of Ariana Grande not understanding many subjects of appropriation she had used in a music video led to her fans misleadingly defending her with no juxtaposition. Naijaeaux on Twitter says “All Arianna does is drop hits and mind her business, but y’all continue to critique and harass her.” This culture of “my idol can do no wrong” completely removes the subjective concept of art and halts many conceptual conversations that are important for analyzing music.

Stan writing to Eminem, https://twitter.com/mscaitlin55/status/846561100263034882

Stan culture goes even further, however, when focus is on more socially involved governments. Motoko Rich, foreign bureau chief for New York Times reported that North Korea requested eleven kpop acts to perform for their leader as a form of covert diplomacy. Meanwhile, nearly 40 million people claim themselves to be dedicated fans of the Korean pop music genre with feral hive-minded communities swarming every crevice of social media. The implications of North Korea’s propaganda system getting ahold of one of the world’s most flourishing genres would naturally scare almost anyone. Additionally, the People’s Republic of China, a nation currently known for brainwashing internment camps and suppressing many of what the West knows as inalienable freedoms, has recently seen quiet support from NBA personalities such as Adam Silver and LeBron James. After being asked to share thoughts on the topic multiple times, both personalities had refused to speak up on any of the Hong Kong protests in the past out of fear they would lose endorsements from China. When nations have access to beloved personalities that are generally looked highly upon, it becomes easier for them to accumulate supporters to justify their causes.

Kim Jong Un with South Korean group Red Velvet, https://www.npr.org/sections/therecord/2018/04/02/598812832/kim-jong-un-was-deeply-moved-after-k-pop-performance

Another case of the strange ideologies of popular figures being followed by a growing crowd is Terryology. A study by Dave Schilling, General editor at Grantland covers a firsthand interview between the author and actor Terrence Howard. Terrence Howard is proposing a new way of thinking and problem solving coined “Terryology,” that involves the idea that scientific and mathematical theories can be solved in a minimalistic form of analysis and still make sense. For example, the expression 1x1 having the number 1 stated twice means that there are two of them, and therefore equals 2 and not 1. Many fans of this ideology have begun converting their mathematics to Terryology despite the world still running on the normal mathematic system we have today. Some critics view this as a misinformed, dropout mathematics major turned movie star losing his mind in the fame that surrounds him. However, many news outlets and art enthusiasts view this as an expression of creative integrity that should be considered a legitimate theory. “In that piece, Mr. Howard explains a philosophy for life so powerful, so revolutionary, so magnificent, that most people who read about it were driven mad or had their heads swell up like the bad guy from Total Recall.” -Schilling

Mental Health

           Aside from altering people’s thoughts ideologically, celebrity obsession also has a strong effect on the mental health of people that follow celebrities. Professor and journalist Neil Peterson conducted a study in 2005 claiming that teenage girls tend to have lower self-confidence if they constantly follow celebrities online or in the media. Recently, another study of 437 Hungarian citizens found that people that considered themselves celebrity worshippers also tended to have higher levels of problematic internet use, maladaptive daydreaming, and desire to be famous. These individuals are led to not being as productive and not being in the mindset to make their lives better due to always looking up to someone that has no direct effect on their life. In conclusion, overall happiness and productivity are hindered by celebrity worship. In 2013, more cases of schizophrenia emerged with the leading cause being cultural icons. This may not have been the intention of the celebrities, but some fans of them with less than stable home and mental lives may find this to be a difficult and life halting struggle. In Hungary, internet addiction has been linked to obsession with popular figures for purposes such as envy of appearance and infatuation. Celebrity worship is prevalent among all people but is most present among teenage girls up to age 17. This is a time where most people are still discovering their identity as a person and will likely have a long-term effect on them for the rest of their lives. Due to the age range this disorder affects mostly, there is a higher potential for identity crises later in life. This early age of developing issues also has the largest margin of change to financial literacy and decision making. Adults that spent their adolescent years obsessing over famous people may not know that those people spend all their money carelessly due to their wealth and could cause others to pursue the same luxuries without an enormous bank account to fall back on. School of Psychology professor at the University of Leicester, John Maltby, says “Significant relationships were found between attitudes toward celebrities and body image only among female adolescents. Multiple regression analyses suggested that Intense‐personal celebrity worship accounted for unique variance in scores in body image.” In addition to mental health, celebrity obsession can also affect financial stability. Many communities near or below the poverty line struggle with addiction and abuse, and celebrity worship can be seen as a form of this. From a distance, obsessing over another person’s personal life doesn’t seem as bad as abusing substances, but they both have the same psychological dependence and reaction when consuming both contents.

Chairman ZeBron,  https://lushsux.bigcartel.com/

Diagnosis of Celebrity Worship Symptoms

           In addition to mental health, celebrity obsession can also affect financial stability. As Daniel Guilbert stated in The Science Behind the Smile, one way to determine happiness is to break it into statistics. Many communities near or below the poverty line struggle with addiction and abuse, and celebrity worship can be seen as a form of this. From a distance, obsessing over another person’s personal life doesn’t seem as bad as abusing substances, but they both have the same psychological dependence and reaction when consuming both contents. Robert A. Reeves from the Augusta State University Department of Psychology reports that “Celebrity worship, materialism, and compulsive buying were significantly related to lower self‐concept clarity and to lower levels of well‐being, supporting both absorption‐addiction and empty self-theories” -Celebrity Worship, Materialism, Compulsive Buying, and the Empty Self by Robert Reeves. Celebrity Worship Disorder has also proven to make mental health cases worse. This is proven by more reports by Reeves emerging in 2013 of worsening cases of schizophrenia due more to cultural icons than any other sources. The same study shows that this fixation on pop culture is mostly a coping mechanism for other symptoms including depression and ADHD. These coping methods are an incredibly unhealthy way of dealing with personal problems, as it does nothing to further the mental state of anyone involved. The subgroups of this diagnosis can more easily help find solutions if recognized.

           The first stage of rehabilitation is recognizing what the problem is, which is why groups of diagnoses are so valuable. Celebrity Worship syndrome is a registered mental and medical disorder that Gary Laderman groups into three categories: Simple Obsession (70-80% of cases- between individuals that have shared personal relationships with each other), Love Obsessional (stalking, convinced that they are in a relationship with the individual), and Erotomantic (less than 10%, believe that the celebrity is in love with them and sending subliminal messages to the person, and often a symptom of schizophrenia). All of which are diagnosable disorders that victims can seek therapy or rehabilitation for. George Ouzounian from The Biggest Problem in the Universe expands by connecting these examples to a shift in culture and the fact that youth are more commonly swayed based on culture and wealth (Episode 29 of the podcast).

John Maltby also acknowledged three ways that people can begin their celebrity obsession: celebrity products, personal characteristics of the celebrity, and peer influence. These are all cultural aspects that reflect how modern society is constructed to revolve around these people. “Thematic analysis revealed that 3 major factors influenced participants to become celebrity worshipers: celebrity products, personal characteristics of the celebrity, and peer influence.” -John Maltby, School of Psychology. HaengRyang Huh from Sejong University brings up digit ratios and their importance in finding out exactly who is most affected by mental obsessions. “The digit ratios for the entire sample were positively correlated with CAS scores. Our research found evidence of a significant positive correlation between 2D:4D ratios and celebrity worship in females but not in males, which indicated that females with lower digit ratios were less likely to worship celebrities” -HaengRyang Huh. The gender ratio of celebrity worship varies and affects the level of loyalty to an individual someone has. Additionally, depending on the year and trending names, the ratio fluctuates even more.

The most troubling element of this issue is the amount of lives taken by celebrity worship. Romeo Vitelli, Ph.D. reported on an international connection involving copycat suicides. In Japan, a trend arose when famous pop singer Yukiko Okada committed suicide in 1986. Since then, chain suicides in the country enacted by fan groups were referred to as Yukiko Syndrome. Romeo Vitelli claims the trend began in 1774 when Johann Goethe’s book The Sorrows of Young Werther led to an influx of suicides duplicating the main character of the story. Studies on the chain suicides revealed that nearly all of the participants had existing mental health problems throughout their lives. “In understanding why celebrity suicides can be contagious, social learning theory suggests that the example of a well-known celebrity committing suicide may make them into role models for vulnerable fans to imitate. Once suicide is seen as an acceptable behavior, people experiencing depression may be more likely to commit suicide as a result.” -Vitelli, 2016. Social learning theory can be drawn as the cause of many celebrity related actions, and it is important to consider that as a factor to why these individuals are followed.

Origins of Copycat Suicides, https://www.slideshare.net/gauravhtandon1/copycat-suicides-when-suicides-comes-in-clusters

           Parasitic Relationships

           Celebrity culture on a wide scale has undoubtedly led to many trends and movements, but how do people with this platform have the power to influence opinions? The answer is rooted in the personalities of each popular figure and how they are perceived. A stern person known for minimal emotion may not have the same public image as someone that is often affectionate to others. It is somewhat the matter of whether you would prefer Gordon Ramsay or Lady Gaga to be your grandparents. One option is short tempered and often hard to emote with, while the other appears more considerate and carries their heart on their sleeve for all to empathize with. If the audience sees a humble, welcoming celebrity, they will feel more at home watching or listening to them. Down to earth celebrities tend to have the highest influence on people’s values and thoughts. These relationships are occasionally very beneficial for both audience and performer, causing the rise of many positive movements. The positive appearance of the trend of following celebrities encourages more people to follow them. There are still a handful of beneficial traits that come with celebrity culture such as confidence, individuality, perseverance, and humility. Many cultural figures today have improved society in some form. Bill Gates has committed to a foundation called the Giving Pledge where he and other billionaires donate a majority of their income to new charities to bring notice and support for lesser known causes. Upon his first year as a charting artist, Chance the Rapper immediately started a tradition where he donates $1 million to schools in his hometown Chicago, as well as actively participating in Faith in Action. Elton John actively participates in and has created multiple foundations spreading awareness for sexually transmitted diseases and support for those who suffer from them. Conversely, some pop culture icons take the route of studying policies firsthand in an effort to connect more people with how society can be improved. The late Nipsey Hussle is another person well known for his charity work and had planned to meet with the Los Angeles police department to learn about and discuss alternative solutions to the gang violence he grew up with. All of these people have made positive changes to how people seek to improve their communities and have plenty of supporters participating in their causes.

Elton John speaking at the anniversary of the Aids Foundation, https://www.billboard.com/articles/news/8030099/elton-john-celebrates-25-years-of-aids-foundation

Although celebrities often have good intentions, their fans may not. This is once again attributed to the fact that celebrity worship is caused by the fan’s mental health situation. Even if a pop icon promotes a positive relationship between themselves and the fans, there could still be a dangerous obsession by the fan. Korea calls this relationship Sasaeng and is seen as normal for fans. Sasaeng are fans who will stalk and obsess over the most popular musical idols of the time, often resulting in devastation to the fan. Sasaeng, or fans, will also spend large amounts of money on traveling to meet their idols or buying excessive merchandise. Famous celebrities, as well as Stans, are often publicized without a clear image on whether their actions as obsessive fans are good or bad. Many people will find these statements, regardless of good or bad intention, as something to look up to and shape opinion based on. This is why fandoms for eastern pop groups have become so viral in the past decade. If being a feral fan is seen as a positive trait, more people will aspire to follow the trend. Due to so much attention being on these people in eastern countries, many of them are also required by contract to refrain from certain actions such as dating, stating opinions, or associating with certain people the labels and contractors have not approved. In Japan, a female member of a famous pop group, AKB47, was seen in public on a date with a boy and was later required by label officials to shave her head and apologize to both her fans and music group on camera. This strict image can sometimes even be too much for the celebrities to keep up with and reflect how strict and obsessive everyone involved is. Other people may feel entitled to forcing contact with famous people or may even feel they deserve special treatment from their idols. Furthermore, if an induvial has violent tendencies or disorders, celebrity obsession could amplify them. “On the periphery, however, resides a much smaller group of individuals who lack the ability to discriminate between their own private fantasies and the public figure’s behavior, believe they are entitled to pursue the figure, and may present a risk of violence.” -J. Reid Melloy, pg. 3 of Stalking, Threatening, and Attacking Public Figures : A Psychological and Behavioral Analysis.

As icon worship grows in popularity, it is important that ways to identify the trend grow with it. With so much stigma around the culture of celebrity worship, is it possible to support and follow a famous person without any of the burdens of mental health or misinformation? In simple terms, yes, as long as you’re able to educate yourself with more than one source and viewpoint. Knowing the positives and negatives of views and lifestyles is crucial to enlightenment. Therefore, it should be a priority to educate yourself from every angle on any type of new information you want to learn. This, along with prioritizing mental health will allow for a healthy experience following any public entertainer. Connecting happiness to life is mandatory for fulfillment and should never be compromised in favor of someone you’ve never met.