#does anyone else feel that or am I trippin

[cherrysnax]

it’s been like two weeks and I’m losing so much blood bros

[littlemisspines]

bro its so wild to me that gcs were ever a thing here on tumblr

like i straight up wouldnt even have remembered if i didnt just find screenshots of a gc i wanted to be a part of but didnt bc i was too shy 💀

[mypimpademia]

Smoke.

Bakugo x black!reader

TW: Swearing, you have beef w bakubitch

Note: this is kind of a throwback moment to the very very beginning of my blog, w this fic being the base but this time it has a little more ✨spice✨ so hope you enjoy!

Bold italics = flashback

Taglist: @myhoodacademia @bnhainthewoo @iiminibattlehero @ecao @nnnoya @hawklmaoo @strawberry-ice @mixxfi @wolfkid22 @mythiccheroacademia @myfandemons @lilsparkyswife @prettybitch-ki @mindofess @kqtsukisgf @lalayy

You didn't plan to already have beef with someone at your new school. Let alone someone you'd be dealing with for the rest of your years at UA.

It started on the first day at that, and all you did was bump into him on accident!

◇◇◇◇◇◇

"Oh shit, my bad–" You said, feeling your shoulder hit someone else's as you stumbled into your classroom from the packed halls.

"Watch where you're going, you fuckin' extra." You heard a raspy voice scoff.

Extra? Who the hell does this person think they are? You weren't looking for a fight on the first day as a transfer student, but you sure weren't gonna let that slide.

"Who the hell you callin' extra? You sure as hell don't look too special your damn self, so don't go actin' all Hollywood." You sneered.

You took a good look at the boy in front of you.

He had spikey ash blonde hair, vermillion eyes, his pants were sagging low, and he wasn't wearing his tie.

"Tch, whatever I doubt you even have a quirk half a strong as mine. You can keep talkin' tough if you can manage to beat me, but I doubt your weak ass will." He said, walking to sit down.

You heard a shaky wail from the side of you, and looked over to see a green haired, and green eyed freckled boy.

"H-hi, you must be the new trasfer student! Its nice to meet you, but maybe don't mess with Bakugo–" He sputtered.

'Bakugo...' You thought to yourself, glaring at the blonde.

Feeling your stare, he turned around and snarled at you.

◇◇◇◇◇◇

The rest of your first day was nothing but fighting with him.

But you can't help but smile at when you actually fought him that day for training and won against him.

Since then, you did nothing but fighting with each other.

Hell, he even has your number and socials and you'll still fight on there. Over text, over call, on FaceTime, on live— youre even on a first name basis! As much as you hate each other all you do is hang around each other.

Like now for example;

You were draped over Katsuki's desk as he sat in his chair glaring down at you.

"Mhm, I bet you wanna talk your shit so bad, but you can't because you still haven't beat me since my first day here~" You taunted.

"Well yeah dumbass, we haven't done sparring training against each other since then." He added.

"You sayin' that like you can't fight me outside of class. Whats the matter? You too pussy to fight me again–"

"L/N, THE DESKS ARE NOT FURNITURE, AND SUCH VULGAR LANGUAGE IS NOT TO BE USED IN THE CLASSROOM!" Iida shouted, air chopping as he usually does.

"Shut the hell up, four eyes." Katsuki barked.

"Alright everyone, settle down and get to your seats." Aizawa said in his normal sleepy tone, rolling into the classroom in his yellow sleeping bag.

You got off Katsuki's desk, and started towards your seat, before feeling a rough hand grip your wrist.

"I'm gonna kick your ass after school." Katsuki whisper.

You hummed in amusement, before snatching your hand away and going to your seat.

◇◇◇◇◇◇

By lunch, everyone was talking about the fight you and Katsuki were going to have after school.

Picking sides, placing bets, and even acting out how they thought the fight would go.

"Come on, have you even seen Bakugo in a fight? He's gonna crush them!" One guy said.

"Dude, didn't you hear how Y/n beat them on their first day here though?" Another guy added.

You and Katsuki were passing by the table that was having this conversation, arguing as you usually do before you cut in.

"Either way, Katsuki was too much of a pussy to fight me till I called him out on it, he don't want no smoke." You told them.

"Who the hell are you callin' a pussy?" Katsuki fumed.

"Well shit, you the only nigga around here named Katsuki ain't you?" You asked sarcastically.

"Have fun talking shit, it won't be so funny once I kick your ass after school." Katsuki proclaimed.

"Uh huh, we'll see about that."

◇◇◇◇◇◇

The end of the day finally came, and everyone was hyped to see you and Katsuki finally fight.

There were people gathered around, but not to many that teachers would get suspicious.

"Here comes Y/n!" Someone yelled.

"Hell yeah, kick his ass Y/n!" Another yelled.

The small crowed started clapping and cheering upon your arrival.

"They're not kicking anyone's ass, especially not mine." Katsuki swore.

"That's not what happened–" You started, only for Katsuki to walk up face to face with you.

"What? On your first day? That was months ago, we're talking now." Katsuki barked.

"Alright, then let's see about now, pomeranian." You mocked.

He chuckled and smirked at a random realization.

"Nah." Katsuki said.

He earned 'boo's from the crowd, and a confused look from you.

"I wouldn't wanna hurt my pretty s/o's face." He said, turning his back toward you and walking away.

You stood there, stuck as your processed.

"Mina, am I trippin', or did this nigga just ask me to be his s/o?" You asked the girl next to you.

"I don't think you trippin', because if you trippin then we all trippin'. She said, slightly starstruck.

You hummed in slight amusement, then took off after him.

"I'm still gonna beat your ass!" You yelled.

[chainofclovers]

OK I said I don’t have thoughts and feelings but I obviously have thoughts and feelings

I wish there wasn’t a whole history of the “bury your gays” trope bringing devastation and disappointment and othering and pain and I wish the Killing Eve writing staff hadn’t written itself into such a corner (presumably) re: The Twelve and the whole, um, plot of the show. Because without that history of queer destruction and without all the plot points about Carolyn that had me scratching my head like “I am a reasonably smart person, why is this person’s motivation NEVER clear to me???”…

…without all that weighing things down, I LOVED the finale. It brought the threads of a very uneven season together into a really perfect blend of tragedy and comedy and the connection between Eve and Villanelle that they have craved and we have craved forever.

I have never believed Eve or Villanelle would have a happy ending, and I’ve always assumed one or both of them would die at the end. And while Carolyn needing to “bring” MI6 something—proof of Villanelle’s death—didn’t make sense to me as a good enough reason for that sniper to kill her, I’m actually okay with her death as a sort of way that Eve’s own life ends. At the end of season 3, Eve says she can’t imagine a future without Villanelle, and it’s impossible for me to imagine how Eve will go on. That’s kind of a great ending—Eve’s life has become impossible. The thing that gave her life meaning is gone.

And the day that comes before it is perfect. It IS a happy ending. After trying literally everything else with each other, those normie hikers in the shelter immediately clock them as a couple, and they get a whole road-trippin’/on the lam/lovers on the run kind of day. I mean, they clearly fuck in that van, yes? And they have the sweetest kiss. Both their eyes convey emotion—none of the high of killing, none of the emptiness of their previous sexual encounters with other people. Villanelle can’t hear can’t hear what Eve is trying to say about curly fries! As soon as they’re on the same side, things go incredibly well—Eve does a brilliant job filling in as an officiant (and Villanelle witnesses her words), and she doesn’t have to kill anyone on that last day, and Villanelle kills so many people, and they get this little rush of victory together.

Because every choice these people have made means they’re absolutely doomed, and have been doomed this entire time, I kinda can’t think of anything much better than having a pristinely beautiful and successful day together and in love. And I’d be defending this ending even harder than I am if the Twelve stuff had made sense and the Carolyn-the-enigma stuff had felt at all earned (THEY HAD HAVANA! I LOVED THAT) and if there wasn’t this whole history of queer sacrifice.

(But at least they had that perfect day.)

[yourlocalsewerdragon]

{Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. {Laughing} Like that's ever gonna happen. {Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes} What a load of - Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead The years start comin' and they don't stop comin' Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin' Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do so much to see So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow Hey, now You're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now but wait till you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire How 'bout yours That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored Hey, now, you're an all-star {Shouting} Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold {Belches} Go! Go! {Record Scratching} Go. Go.Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold -Think it's in there? -All right. Let's get it! -Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? -Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. {Laughs} -Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint. Now, ogres - - They're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. -No! -They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. -Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! {Gasping} -Right. {Roaring} {Shouting} {Roaring} {Whispers} This is the part where you run away. {Gasping} {Laughs} {Laughing} And stay out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." {Sighs} {Man's voice} All right. This one's full. -Take it away! {Gasps} -Move it along. Come on! Get up! -Next! -Give me that! Your fiying days are over. That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! -Get up! Come on! -Twenty pieces. {Thudding} -Sit down there! -Keep quiet! {Crying} -This cage is too small. -Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! -Oh, shut up. -Oh! -Next! -What have you got? -This little wooden puppet. -I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. -Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. -Father, please! Don't let them do this! -Help me! -Next! What have you got? -Well, I've got a talking donkey. {Grunts} -Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. -Oh, go ahead, little fella. -Well? -Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - - -That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! -No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. -Get her out of my sight. -No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! {Gasps} -Hey! I can fly! -He can fly! -He can fly! -He can talk! -Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Oh-oh. {Grunts} -Seize him!

-After him! He's getting away! {Grunts, Gasps} {Man} -Get him! This way! Turn! -You there. Orge! -Aye? -By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility. -Oh, really? You and what army? {Gasps, Whimpering} {Chuckles} -Can I say something to you? -Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa! -Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. -Oh, that's great. Really. -Man, it's good to be free. -Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? -But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. {Roaring} -Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - - {Mumbling} Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day. -Why are you following me? -I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone There's no one here beside me My promlems have all gone There's no one to deride me But you gotta heve friends - - -Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends. -Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. -Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? -Uh - - Really tall? -No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? -Nope. -Really? -Really, really. -Oh. -Man, I like you. What's you name? -Uh, Shrek. -Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that? -That would be my home. -Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. -I guess you don't entertain much, do you? -I like my privacy. -You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. -Can I stay with you? -Uh, what? -Can I stay with you, please? -Of course! -Really? -No. -Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! -Okay! Okay! But one night only. -Ah! Thank you! -What are you - - No! No! -This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. -Oh! -Where do, uh, I sleep? -Outside! -Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. {Sniffles} -Here I go. -Good night. {Sighs} -I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. I'm all alone There's no one here beside me {Bubbling} {Sighs} {Creaking} {Sighs} -I thought I told you to stay outside. -I'm outside. {Clattering} -Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? -It's not home, but it'll do just fune. -What a lovely bed. -Got ya. {Sniffs} I found some cheese. -Ow! {Grunts} -Blah! Awful stuff. -Is that you, Gorder? -How did you know? -Enough! What are you doing in my house? {Grunts} -Hey!

{Snickers} -Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. -Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. -Huh? {Gusps} {Male voice} What? -I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I have to do get a little privacy? -Aah! -Oh, no. No! No! {Cackling} -What? -Quit it. -Don't push. {Squeaking} {Lows} - What are you doing in my swamp? {Echoing} Swamp! Swamp! Swamp! {Gasping} -Oh, dear! -Whoa! -All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! -Quickly. Come on! -No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. -Oh! {Sighs} -Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. -Oh, gosh, no one invited us. -What? -We were forced to come here. -By who? -Lord Farquaad. -He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice. {Sighs} -All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? {Murmuring} -Oh, I do. I know where he is. -Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? -Me! Me! -Anyone? -Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! {Sighs} -Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! {Cheering} {Twittering} -Oh! You! You're comin' with me. - All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! -On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. -Hey. Oh, oh! -I can't wait to get on the road again. -What did I say about singing? -Can I whistle? -No. -Can I hum it? -All right, hum it. {Humming} {Grunts} {Whimpering} -That's enough. He's ready to talk. {Coughing} {Laughing} {Clears throat} -Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man! -You are a monster. -I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others? -Eat me!{Grunts} -I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll - - -No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. -All right then. Who's hiding them? -Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? -The muffin man? -The muffin man. -Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? -Well, she's married to the muffin man. -The muffin man? -The muffin man! -She's married to the muffin man. {Door opens} -My lord! We found it. -Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. {Man grunting} {Gasping} -Oh! -Magic mirror - - -Don't tell him anything! -No! {Ginerbread man whispers} -Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? -Well, technically you're not a king. -Uh, Thelonius. -You were saying? -What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess. -Go on. {Chuckles} -So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. -Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! -And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! -So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? -Two! Two! -Three! Three! -Two! Two! -Three! -Three? One? {Shudders} Three? --Three! Pick number three,

my lord! -Okay, okay, uh, number three! -Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. If you like pina coladas And getting caught in the rain -Princess Fiona. If you're not into yoga -She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - - -But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. -I'll do it. -Yes, but after sunset - - -Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. -But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it. -So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. -Uh-huh. That's the place. -Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? {Laughs} {Groans} -Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. -Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. -Hey, you! {Screams} -Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - {Whimpering} {Sighs} {Whimpering, Groans} {Turnstile clatters} {Chuckles} {Sighs} -It's quiet. Too quiet. {Creaking} -Where is everybody? -Hey, look at this! {Clattering, whirring, clicking} Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along fine DuLoc is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face DuLoc is, DuLoc is DuLoc is perfect ...... place {Camera shutter clicks {Whirring} -Wow! Let's do that again! -No. No. No, no, no! No. {Trumpet fanfare} {Crowd cheering} -Brave knights. -You are the best and brightest in all the land. -Today one of you shall prove himself - - -All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. -Sorry about that. {Cheering} -That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. {Cheering} -Let the tournament begin! {Gasps} -Oh! -What is that? {Gasping} -It's hideous! -Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. -Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named champion! Have it him! -Get him! -Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. -Go ahead! Get him! -Can't we just settle this over a pint? -Kill the beast! -No? All right then. Come on! I don't give a damn about my reputation You're living in the past It's a new generation -Damn! {Whinnying} A girl can do what she wants to do And that's what I'm gonna do And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me -Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Never said I wanted to improve my station -Ah! {Laughs} And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun -Yeah! And I don't have to please no one -The chair! Give him the chair! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me {Bell dings} {Cheering} {Laughs} -Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! {Shrek laughs} {Crowd gasping, murmuring} -Shall I give the order, sir? -No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! -What? -Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. -Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures! {Crowd murmuring} -Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. -Exactly the way it was? -Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. -And the squatters? -As good as gone. -What kind of quest? -Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only

don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. -Is that about right? -Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. -I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole orge trip. -Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? -Uh, no, not really, no. -For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think. -Example? -Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions. -{Sniffs} They stink? -Yes - - No! -They make you cry? -No! -You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. -No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. {Sighs} -Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. -I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes. -You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. -No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later. -Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. -You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh And everything that you receive up yonder Is what you give to me the day I wander I'm on my way I'm on my way I'm on my way -Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that? -You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's brimstone We must be getting close. -Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither. {Rumbling} -Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. {Laughing} -Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers? -Oh, aye. -Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. -Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what I mean. -You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. -I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling like of lava! -Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. -Really? -Really, really. -Okay, that makes me feel so much better. -Just keep moving. And don't look down. -Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. {Gasps} -Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please! -But you're already halfway. -But I know that half is safe! -Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. -Shrek, no! Wait! -Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me? -Don't do that! -Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh, this? -Yes, that! -Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. {Screams} -No, Shrek! No! Stop it! -You said do it! I'm doin' it. -I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh! -That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. -Cool. -So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? -Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. {Chuckles} -I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. {Water dripping, wind howling} -You afraid? -No. -But - - - Shh. -Oh, good. Me neither. {Gasps} -'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might

add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. {Gasps} -Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. -Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. -The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. -What makes you think she'll be there? -I read it in a book once. -Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. {Creacing} -I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it. -Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - - -Dragon! {Screams} {Gasps} {Roars} -Donkey, look out! {Screams} {Whimpering} -Got ya! {Roars} {Gasps} {Shouts} -Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! {Screaming} {Gasps} -Oh! Aah! Aah! {Gasping} {Crowls} -No. Oh, no, No! {Screams} -Oh, what large teeth you have. {Crowls} -I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - - (Coughs) -I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings. Shrek! {Gasps} {Whimpering} -No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! {Groans, Sighs} {Vocalizing} -Oh! Oh! -Wake up! -What? -Are you Princess Fiona? -I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. -Oh, that's nice. Now let's go! -But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? -Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. -Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. -You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? -Mm-hmm. {Screams, grunts} -But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! -I don't think so. -Can I at least know the name of my champion? -Um, Shrek. -Sir Shrek. {Cleans throat} -I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. -Thanks! {Roaring} -You didn't slay the dragon? -It's on my to-do list. Now come on! {Screams} -But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did. -Yeah, right before they burst into flame. -That's not the point. Oh! -Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there. -Well, I have to save my ass. -What kind of knight are you? -One of a kind. -Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned. {Laughs} -I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh! {Growls} {Roaring} {Gasps} -Hi, Princess! -It talks! -Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. {Screams} {Screaming} -Oh! {Thuds} {Groans} {Roars}

{Roaring} -Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. {Fchoing} -Run! {Gasping} {Screaming} {Roaring} {Screams} {Roars} {Panting, sighs} {Whimpers} {Roars} -You did it! -You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful. You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. {Clears throat} -And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? -I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. -The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. -Uh, no. -Why not? -I have helmet hair. -Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. -No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st. -But how will you kiss me? -What? That wasn't in the job description. -Maybe it's a perk. -No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. -Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you true love? -Well, yes. {Laughing} -You think Shrek is your true love! -What is so funny? -Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay? -Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your helmet. -Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. -Just take off the helmet. -I'm not going to. -Take ot off. -No! -Now! -Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. -You- - You're a- - an orge. -Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. -Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an orge. {Sighs} -Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who wants to marry you. -Then why didn't he come rescue me? -Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. -But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- - his pet. -So much for noble steed. -You're not making my job any easier. -I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. -Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy. -You wouldn't dare. Put me down! -Ya comin', Donkey? -I'm right behind ya. -Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! -Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? -You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what happens when you find your - - Hey! {Sighs} -The sooner we get to DuLoc the better. -You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! -And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? -Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. {Laughs} -I don't know. There are those who think little of him. -Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. -Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. -Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp? -No, that'll take longer. We can keep going. -But there's robbers in the woods. -Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good. -Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. -I need to find somewhere to camp now! {Birds wings fluttering} {Grunting} -Hey! Over here. -Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess. -No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. -Homey touches? Like what? {Crashing} -A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. -You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. -I said good night! -Shrek, What are you doing? {Laughs} -I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding. {Fire cracking} -And, uh, that one, that's

Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over three wheat fields. Right. Yeah. -Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? -The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. -I know you're making this up. -No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. -That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. -You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it. {Sighs} -Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? -Our swamp? -You know, when we're through rescuing the princess. -We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my land. -You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. -No, do ya think? -Are you hidin' something? -Never mind, Donkey. -Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? -No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things. -Why don't you want to talk about it? -Why do you want to talk about it? -Why are you blocking? -I'm not blocking. -Oh, yes, you are. -Donkey, I'm warning you. -Who you trying to keep out? -Everyone! Okay? -Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere. -Oh! For the love of Pete! -What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway? -Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go. "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone. -You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly orge. -Yeah, I know. -So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? -Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying. -Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there? -That's the moon. -Oh, okay. {Orchestra} {Dulcimer} -Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. -Hmph. -Ah. Perfect. {Inhales} {Snoring} {Vocalizing} {Whistling} {Sizzling} {Sniffs, yawns} -Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. --Come on, baby. I said I like it. -Donkey, wake up. -Huh? What? -Wake up. -What? -Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs? -Good morning, Princess! -What's all this about? -You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. -Uh, thanks. {Sniffs} -Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. {Belches} -Shrek! -What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs} -Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess. {Belches} -Thanks. -She's as nasty as you are. -{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected. -Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. {Vocalizing} -La liberte! Hey! -Princess! {Laughs} -What are you doing? -Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from this green - - {Kissing sounds} -beast. -Hey! -That's my princess! Go find you own! -Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? -Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are! -Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry Men. {Laughs} {Accordion} Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo. I steal from the rich and give to the needy. He takes a wee percentage, But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels Man, I'm good What a guy, Monsieur Hood Break it down I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid What he's basically saying is he likes to get - - Paid So When an orge in the bush grabs a lady by the tush That's bad That's bad When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad He's mad He's really, really mad I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart Keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start {Grunts, Groans} {Karate Yell}

{Merry Men Gasping} {Panting} -Man, that was annoying! -Oh, you little- - {Karate Yell} {Accordion} {Shouting, groaning} {Chuckles} -Uh, shall we? -Hold the phone. {Grunts} Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from? -What? -That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that? -Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt! -What? Oh, would you look at that? -Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. -Why? What's wrong? -Shrek's hurt. -Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die. -Donkey, I'm okay. -You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich? -Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. -Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! -{Both} Donkey! -Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. -What are the flowers for? -For getting rid of Donkey. -Ah. -Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out. -Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'. -I'm sorry, but it has to come out. -No, it's tender. -Now, hold on. -What you're doing is the opposite of help. -Don't move. -Look, time out. -Would you - - {Grunts} -Okay. What do you propose we do? -Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns. -Ow! -Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! -Ow! Not good. -Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. {Grunts} -It's just about - - -Ow! Ohh! -Ahem. -Nothing happend. We were just, uh - - -Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay? -Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just- - Ugh! -Ow! -Hey, what's that? {Nervous chickle} -That's- - Is that blood? {Sighs} {Bird chirping} {Grunts} My beloved monster and me We go everywhere together Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves Gets us through all kinds of weather -Aah! She will always be the only thing That comes between me and the awful sting That comes from living in a world that's so damn mean {Croaks} Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh -Hey! La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la {Both laughing} La-la, la-la, la-la -There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. -That's DuLoc? -Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really - - Ow! -Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on. -Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey. {Blubbering} -What? -I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. -What are you talking about? I'm fine. -That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. Dead. -You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? -Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea. -I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look, {Bones crunch} -Ow! See? -Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. -I'll get the firewood. -Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug. -Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this? -Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style. -No kidding. Well, this is delicious. -Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. {Chuckling} {Sighs} -I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. {Gulps} -Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it. {Chuckles} -I'd like that. {Slurps, laughs} See the pyramids along the Nile -Um, Princess? Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle -Yes, Shrek? -I, um, I was wondering. Just remember, darling all the while -Are you- - You belong to me

{Sighs} -Are you gonna eat that? {Chuckles} -Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. -Sunset? -Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late. -What? -Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? -Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside. -Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until - - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. {Shrek sighs} -Good night. -Good night. {Door creaks} -Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here. -Oh, what are you talkin' about? -I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. -You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. -Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel. -I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a princess, and I'm - - -An orge? -Yeah. An orge. -Hey, where you goin'? -To get... move firewood. {Sighs} -Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? {Wings fluttering} -Princess? {Creaking} {Gasps} -It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. {Screams} -Aah! -Oh, no! -No, help! -Shh! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -No, it's okay. It's okay. -What did you do with the princess? -Donkey, I'm the princess. -Aah! -It's me, in this body. -Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me? -Donkey! -Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! -No! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -Shh. -Shrek! -This is me. {Muffled mumbling} -Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different. -I'm ugly, okay? -Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - - -No. -I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember. -What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. -It's only happens when sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form." -Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. -It's a spell. {Sighs} -When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this. {Sobs} -All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. -But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look. -Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? -I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. -But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you got a lot in common. -Shrek? -Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh - - {Sighs} -I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. -I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. {Gasps} -My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. {Deep sigh} -Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. -You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. -No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. -What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? -Promise you won't tell. Promise! -All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know before this is over, I'm

gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. -Look at my eye twitchin'. {Door opens} {Snoring} -I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. -Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - - {Snoring} -Shrek. Are you all right? -Perfect! Never been better. -I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you. -You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night. -You heard what I said? -Every word. -I thought you'd understand. -Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" -But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. -Yeah? Well, it does. {Gasps, sighs} -Ah, right on time. {Horse whinnies} -Princess, I've brought you a little something. {Fanfare} {Yawns} -What'd I miss? What'd I miss? {Muffled} -Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey. -Princess Fiona. -As promised. Now hand it over. -Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. -Take it and go before I change my mind. -Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad. -Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. {Snaps fingers} -Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell. -Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the orge. It's not like it has feelings. -No, you're right. It doesn't. -Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage. {Gasps} -Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? -Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - - -Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! -No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets. -Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests! -Fare-thee-well, orge. -Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. -Yeah? So what? -Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night, She's - - -I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? -Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you. -I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! -But I thought - - -Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong! -Shrek. I heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord But you don't really care for music, do ya It goes like this the fourth, the fifth The minor fall the major lift The baffled king composing hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah Baby, I've been here before I know this room I've walked this floor I used to live alone before I knew you I've seen your flag on the marble arch But love is not a victory march It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah And all I ever learned from love Is how to shoot at someone Who outdrew you {Moaning} And it's not a cry you can hear at night It's not somebody who's seen the light It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah {Moaning} Hallelujah, hallelujah {Thumping sound} -Donkey? {Grunts} -What are you doing? -I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. -Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. -It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half. -Oh! Your half. Hmm. -Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. -Back off! -No, you back off. -This is my swamp! -Our swamp. -Let go, Donkey! -You let go. -Stubborn jackass! -Smelly orge. -Fine! -Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. -Well, I'm through with you. -Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up

and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. -Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? -Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! -Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in the back! -Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings. -Go away! -There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. -Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking. -She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else. -She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about? -Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right? -Donkey! -No! -Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? {Sighs} -I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you forgive me? -Hey, that's what friends are for, right? -Right. Friends? -Friends. -So, um, what did Fiona say about me? -What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? -The wedding! We'll never make it in time. -Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I have a way. {Whistles} -Donkey? -I guess it's just my animal magnetism. {Laughing} -Aw, come here, you. -All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. -Whoo! {Bells tolling} {All gasping} -People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union.... -Um- -of our new king - - -Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? {Chuckling} -Go on. -Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you? -What are you talking about? -There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!" -I don't have time for this! -Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? -Yes. -You wanna hold her? -Yes. -Please her? -Yes! -Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that romantic crap! -All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? -We gotta check it out. -And so, by the power vested in me, -What do you see? -The whole town's in there. -I now pronounce you husband and wife, -They're at the altar. -king and queen. -Mother Fletcher! He already said it. -Oh, for the love of Pete! {Grunts} -I object! -Shrek? {Gasps} -Oh, now what does he want? -Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all. Very clean. -What are you doing here? -Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding - - -Fiona! I need to talk to you. -Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me - - -But you can't marry him. -And why not? -Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king. -Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. -He's not your true love. -And what do you know about true love? -Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - - -Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. {Crowd laughting} -An orge and a princess! -Shrek, is this true? -Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm! -"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before. {Whimpers} {Crown gasping} -Well, uh, that explains a lot. -Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both! -No, no! -Shrek! -This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See? -No, let go of me! Shrek! -No! -Don't just stand there, you morons. -Get out of my way!

Fiona! Arrgh! -I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! -You'll beg for death to save you! -No, Shrek! -And as for you, my wife, -Fiona! -I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! -I'm king! {Whistles} -I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah! -Aah! -All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. {Roars} -I'm a donkey on the edge! {Belches} -Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? {Cheering} -Go ahead, Shrek. -Uh, Fiona? -Yes, Shrek? -I - - I love you. -Really? -Really, really. - I love you too. -Aawww! -"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form." -"Take love's true form. Take love's true form." -Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right? -Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. -But you ARE beautiful. {Chuckles} -I was hoping this would be a happy ending. I thought love was only true in fairy tales Oy! Meant for someone else but not for me Love was out to get me That's the way it seemed Disappointment haunted all my dreams And then I saw her face Now I'm a believer and not a trace Of doubt in my mind I'm in love Ooh-aah I'm a believer I couldn't leave her If I tried -God bless us, every one. Come on, y'all! Then I saw her face Ha-ha Now I'm a believer Listen! Not a trace Of doubt in my mind I'm in love Ooh-aah I'm a believer I couldn't leave her if I tried -Ooh! -Uh! Then I saw her face Now I'm a believer Hey! Not a trace Uhh! Yeah. Of doubt in my mind -One more time! I'm in love I'm a believer Come on! I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey Y'all sing it with me! I Believe I believe People in the back! I believe I'm a believer I believe I believe I believe I believe {Hysterical laughing} -Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. -I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I believe in self-assertion Destiny or a slight diversion Now it seems I've got my head on straight I'm a freak an apparition Seems I've made the right decision To try to turn back now it might be too late Now I want to stay home today Don't wanna go out If anyone comes to play Gonna get thrown out I wanna stay home today Don't want no company No way Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna be a millionaire someday But know what it feels like to give it away Watch me march to the beat of my own drum And it's off to the moon and then back again Same old day Same situation My happiness rears back as if to say I wanna stay home today Don't wanna go out If anyone comes to play Gonna get thrown out I wanna stay home today Don't want no company No way Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home......... I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes My heart skips a beat Girl, I feel so alive Please tell me, baby, if all this is true 'Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you Oh-oh-oh Makes me wanna dance Oh-oh-oh It's a new romance Oh-oh-oh I look into your eyes Oh-oh-oh The best years of our lives When we first met I could hardly believe The things that would happen and we could achieve So let's be together for all of our time Oh, girl, I'm so thankful that you are still mine You always consider me like an ugly duckling And treat me like a Nostradamus was why I had to get my shine on I break a little something to keep my mind on 'Cause you had my mind gone Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh Turn the lights on, Come on, baby Let's just rewind the song 'Cause all I want to do is make the rest years the best years All night long Oh-oh-oh Makes me wanna dance Makes me wanna dance Oh-oh-oh It's a new romance It's a new romance Oh-oh-oh I look into your eyes Oh, yeah, yeah I look into your eyes Oh-oh-oh The best years of our lives Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.............. Everything looks bright Standing in your light Everything feels right What's left is out of sight What's a girl

to do I'm telling you You're on my mind I wanna be with you 'Cause when you're standin' next to me It's like wow And all your kisses seem to set me free It's like wow And when we touch it's such a rush I can't get enough It's like- - It's like Ooh-ooh Hey, what It's like wow Ooh-ooh, hey Hey, yeah It's like wow Everything is looking right now, right now It's like wow And I got this feeling This feeling it's just like wow It's just like wow You are all I'm thinking of. Like wow Everything feels right Everything feels right Like wow Everything looks bright All my senses are right Like wow Everything feels right Baby, baby, baby the way I'm feeling you Is like wow There is something that I see In the way you look at me There's a smile There's a truth In your eyes What an unexpected way On this unexpected day Could it be This is where I belong It is you I have loved All long There's no more mystery It is finally clear to me You're the home my heart's searched for So long It is you I have loved All long Whoa, over and over I'm filled with emotion As I look Into your perfect face

i don't think you guys understand how much i've suffered

[lu-undy]

Sniper is tall af, and is selfconscious about it. When he had a growth spurt as a kid, he became very clumsy because of his long legs and kids made fun of him. That's why he never dances. He's never even tried to, scared that he'd made a fool of himself (again). Spy is elegant and everything he does, he does it perfectly. Even giving teaching lessons to his "friend". Their faces are very close, and Sniper is trying to focus on his legs to not fall, but Spy is so close, so beautiful... -🐑

Here it is, one Spy teaching Sniper how to dance! Hopefully you’ll like it!

"Oh, Spook forgot his cigarette case…?"

Sniper was tidying up his campervan when he saw the thin metal box lying on the slim kitchen top. 

"Better go and give it back before he goes mad lookin' for his cigs." 

The Australian took it in his hand and headed for his more-than-friend's room. Spy and him had a… Well, different relationship. Sniper didn't really know what it was and what to call it but it was indeed something new and unlike anything he had experienced before. 

The moments he shared with his French colleague he didn't have with anyone else. The summer nights on the van's rooftop, the winters in his smoking room in front of the fireplace… Not with Scout that he would get that; not that he wanted it either!

After passing the kitchen and living room, Sniper finally reached the door with the knife symbol at the end of the corridor. He raised his hand to knock when a noise made him stop. It came from inside the Frenchman's quarters. Sniper leaned in further against the door to hear better.

Is that… music? 

He gave himself a few seconds to be sure but in spite of the fact that the door was muffling the sounds, Sniper could clearly recognise music. And that made him hesitate. Should he bother his friend…?

Knock, knock, knock…

His knuckles had answered for him. 

"Come in!"

The Australian pushed the door just enough to peek his head in. He found that his friend had pushed the sofa, the armchairs and the coffee table aside. Spy was standing in the middle of it all, a hand flat on his stomach and the other suspended in the air at his shoulder's level.

"Sniper? What a surprise… Come in please."

"Oh, uh, sorry Spook, I just wanted to bring you this back, you forgot it in me van." 

Sniper extended his hand with the cigarette case in it. The Frenchman resumed a normal posture and went to open the door. He took the cigarette case from his friend's hand and smiled at him.

"Come in, please."

"A-aren't you in the middle of something?" 

Sniper shyly stepped in.

"It was just a warm up."

"Oh okay…" 

Spy shut the door after his friend and went to change the disc on the record player. A few seconds after, the music rose in the air. 

"Do you know the tango?" He asked. 

Sniper's eyebrows jumped. 

"Uh-what? No, nah, I mean it sounds nice."

"It does indeed." The Frenchman put a hand behind his back and the other on his stomach. He walked in rhythm, one step to the left, one to the right as he approached his friend. 

Sniper's eyes opened wider and wider. Spy was getting closer to him in a rhythmic zigzag, like a snake slithering left and right as it approaches a prey.

"Do you know how to dance it, Bushman?" 

"What? Me? Dancin'? No, no, no, no, Spook, look, I just came to give you yer cigs back-" The Australian raised his hands and blushed. 

Spy saw it and smirked. 

"You might have come for that, oui, but that is not the reason why I had you coming." 

"You what?" 

The Frenchman was right in front of his friend. He took Sniper's hand, put it on his shoulder and took the other one in his. 

"Now, I will lead and you follow, just listen to the music, you have a good ear. Un, deux, trois et quatre…"

[One, two, three and four…]

"Wh-what?!"

The Frenchman started dancing, dragging the Aussie with him. 

"S-spook!" Sniper wanted to protest but Spy had him in his arms… He looked down at his feet to avoid treading on the Frenchman's. But his steps were more than clumsy and he felt bad for it. 

"Look up, you don't need to look at my feet to know where I am going."

"It's to not walk on them!"

"You won't, you just have to mirror my steps. Look. I take one step with my right foot towards you? You take one back with your left foot. See? It isn't so hard."

Sniper lowered his head.

"Spy, stop." 

The discomfort was audible in the Australian's voice so the Frenchman obliged. 

"What is the matter?" 

"I don't like dancin'. Never did. I just came back for your cigarette case, ok? Now let me go back to me van." 

Sniper turned on his heels but a hand held him back.

"Sniper?"

"Hm?" 

"You didn't come back for my cigarettes."

"Yeah I did."

"Non…"

The Australian looked at the Frenchman with questions in his eyes.

"I left my cigarettes purposefully in your van, on the kitchen top for you to find them and bring them to me whenever you wanted to."

"What?"

"I gave you an excuse to come and visit me, when you feel like you need one." 

Sniper looked confused so Spy explained. 

"When I go to see you in your van, I do it spontaneously, because the thought of you crosses my mind and I just want to see you. However, you always come for a reason."

The Australian had never realised it. 

"So I thought to myself that if I wanted to see you more often, I could help by providing reasons that would push you to come and visit me. The cigarette case is a good one."

"W-wait… Do you want to see me more often?" Sniper asked. 

"Didn't I leave my cigarette case, which you know I can't live without, in your van?" Spy answered with a smile.

"Why not just say it directly?" 

"And have you blush only once like you are now? Pff, non. I would rather see the pink in your cheeks everytime you come." 

The pink turned to red on the Australian's face. He put a hand on his brow and let it sink down. 

"Spook…" 

"If I am mistaken and you don't enjoy my company as much as I do yours, feel free to leave. In no way would I want to hold you back against your will."

Spy paused and Sniper diverted his gaze. 

"But if on the other hand you accept this dance with me, I would be delighted to teach you." 

The Frenchman held his hand out to his friend.

"Even if I wanted, I can't dance."

"Why?"

"I'm… I'm not made for it."

"Nonsense."

"Legs are too long, and I'm too clumsy with me feet. 's a bloody miracle I walk without trippin' on them all the time."

"Tsk… Sniper, look at me." 

The Australian didn't move. He held his head low, looking at his infinitely long legs. 

"Please…?" Spy insisted and heard his friend sigh before obliging. Sniper raised his head and his eyes met Spy's fair ones. "Your legs are not too long and you are not clumsy with your feet. This is all absurd. Non, you just have never danced before and no one taught you."

The Frenchman smiled. 

"But you are in luck, for I happen to be an excellent teacher, if I may say so myself." Spy smirked.

"Show off…" Sniper answered shaking his head.

"And a very patient one at that." 

"Spook…"

"So, if you are still here by now, I am assuming you accept my offer. Your hand in my mine, come on!" 

Sniper rolled his eyes and put his hand on Spy's.

"Not like that! I didn't not ask for you to slap my hand! Put it delicately on top, I am inviting you, Bushman, to a session of danse de couple."

"Of what?" 

"Dance for a couple, or however you choose to translate that in kangaroo. Now, let me tell you about tango… Your hand on my shoulder, please. Voilà, that's good and the other in mine still…" 

Spy adjusted his friend's posture and the position of his limbs as he spoke. 

"Tango is a dance for two. There is one leader, always the male, and one follower, usually a female."

"So I'm a sheila now?" 

"Non, fret not. You still lack all the charms of a lady, Bushman…" Spy smirked. 

"Oi! I can be charmin'!" The Australian answered, his cheeks turning pink again. It wasn't everyday that things lead him to utter such a sentence…! But the Frenchman knew it and of course, he appreciated his friend's blush again. 

"Pray show me, then… But to come back on the point, non, the follower isn't always a lady. Actually the best ones were males."

"What?"

"Gentlemen would be taught the tango amongst themselves and would only approach a woman when they were confident about their skills. Nowhere was it normal to learn the tango directly with a girl." 

"Oh, I see." 

"Bien. The tango is also a dance of proximity." As he said so, Spy took a step forward and stuck his stomach against his friend. Sniper's breath cut sharp. He couldn't be closer to Spy, he could see himself in his eyes! 

"And as such, leader and follower will alway try to maintain as few points of contacts as possible but their limbs should be the closest possible too. That way, they have flexibility and freedom of movement without breaking the proximity. Do you understand?"

Sniper nodded. 

"Now for the music. Its rhythm is very specific. The tempo is cleanly cut and marked. One should always pay attention to that, and the melodies often involve as few instruments as possible.  Do you know why?" 

Sniper shook his head and Spy grinned. He loved having the Australian's attention all for himself…

"Because what is important in the tango, beyond the music and the dance…" Spy took a step forward and Sniper mirrored it back. The Frenchman was looking at the marksman as if he was now the hunter. "It is the tension."

They started moving. First it was just a step forward for a step back without moving away from their starting spot. 

"Listen to the rhythm, Sniper. Feel your heels hit the floor with the tempo… Oui, voilà…" 

Spy then took a step to his right, so for Sniper, it was the left. Right, middle, back, front, left, and again, right, middle, back, front, left…

"Very good, now, let us try and move, shall we?" 

The Frenchman didn't wait for an answer and started moving. Sniper started to understand. The point wasn't so much to follow Spy per se, it was to let him take the lead and guide. The Australian looked down at Spy, who was about a foot shorter than him. The Frenchman seemed very comfortable, like a fish in water, he even loosened up enough to actually move his hips in rhythm. 

"Keep your head straight, good. Remember, it's all about tension. The two dancers should be as close as possible while maintaining their distance."

Sniper gulped down hard and started sweating. The Frenchman was an inch or so away from his face and his eyes stared into his without parting. He didn't need to look where he was going, he didn't want to anyway because both felt it, the tension. 

That fire burning against their chests, their hearts pounding into one another, breathing the same air tinted with the cologne that the other wore. Their eyes staring deep beyond the irises and diving behind the pupils, the windows to the soul and everything that both the shy Aussie and the secretive Frenchie hid. No, Sniper was impressed. It really felt like Spy was reading his most intimate thoughts and being the contradictory human being he was, instead of controlling his thoughts and holding them back, Sniper unleashed his mind and let it roam free. His brain flashed wild images before his eyes, images he had always pushed against seeing, forbidden pictures, surreal ones, ones that would never happen but in his dreams if he was lucky and brave enough.

"Spy, stop."

Sniper suddenly parted away from his partner.

"What is it?" Spy gently asked.

"I don't know. I… I don't like it." Sniper lowered his head. "And I'm bad at it too."

"You are one very poor liar." Spy said with a smug grin. "I know why you don't like it. And the reason that you feel that way is completely normal when dancing in such closeness." 

"No, it's not just when we dance, it's-"

"Is it?" Spy asked, interested. "Then I understand even more." 

He closed the space between him and his friend, and looked up at him. 

"Sniper?"

"Hm…" The tall man grumbled. 

"Sniper, please. Look at me."

With a sigh, the Australian obliged and his eyes met with the very fair blue ones of the man who was now brushing his hands up his chest. 

"S-spy, what do you want?" 

"You to relax. You have nothing to fear."

"No."

"Oui. I am not the enemy. In fact, I would appreciate it if you considered me as differently as you can from one."

Spy's hands were laid right and left from Sniper's neck. 

"Y-you're a friend. It's a lot already."

"Maybe." The Frenchman answered. "But may I be more?" 

Sniper raised his eyes to Spy, astounded.

"Like what? What d'you mean?" 

"Like this…" Spy cupped his friend's face and pulled him down as he pushed himself on the tip on his toes. Sniper's eyes snapped wide when the Frenchman's shut as he closed the gap between their faces.

Spy had Sniper's forehead against his and opened his eyes. 

"I saw it in your eyes when we were dancing. I saw the same thing that I have always hidden from you, Sniper."

"Hide what?"

Spy smiled. 

"A picture, a scene, a moment in time."

The Australian raised an eyebrow, his face still between the soft, gloved hands of Spy. Surely the Frenchman didn't mean…?

"W-what?" 

With a smile, the Frenchman answered. 

"The reason why your hands are now where they are, Sniper."

It took him a split second to realise. It wasn't something he had done consciously, he never thought he could do it, it was too brutal…! And yet Sniper's hands were now on Spy's sides, against his shirt. His jaw dropped and he removed his hands. 

"Ho my God… S-sorry, I didn't mean to, I swear, I'm sorry…!"

"Why apologise? Who complained?" Spy asked. 

"Oh…" Sniper's throat was too tight now and he felt it as he gulped down his embarrassment. But it's true. Had Spy not wanted it, he surely would have pushed him back and he wouldn't be stroking Sniper's face with his thumbs, would he?

"Can I…? Can I put my hands back…?" 

The Frenchman chuckled. 

"I would appreciate it greatly. But there is also something else I would like, if I am being honest."

"Huh?" Sniper's heart was beating so hard, it might as well have burst out of his chest. His eyes darted left and right from Spy's eyes to his nose and further down, to his lips pursed in a sweet smile.

"Embrasse-moi."

[Kiss me.]

Sniper did not understand the French but got the kiss.

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

So a while back, I read about a [transhumanist / singularitarian / “utilitarian” / “utilitarian” / “pragmatist” / “utilitarianist” / … ]

The central premise of which was that these people were getting along so well, even though everyone else thought they were having internal monologues about how death is just a fast track to real experience, and how real experience is the only real thing, and therefore it’s completely understandable for them to hold out for it, and to take their passions and impulses very seriously indeed.

But then when this guy finally gets all of his stuff together – high-testosterone face-masculine energy-injection brain – and goes out and has a hard-fought and sometimes messy and very interesting life, he seems very happy!  He seems so happy!  Like he’s baffled that anyone would be even remotely displeased with how he was living his life!  He seems so happy that when one of his friends asks him about how he is feeling, he doesn’t even flinch!  He doesn’t even mumble a single word about how he is feeling!  He looks so happy that he actually could cry.  He sounds so happy that there’s a perceptible rattle in his voice, and when you ask him what is wrong, he just says “oh, I’m just fine,” in a voice so sultry and male it could induce a man’s erection from creepiness alone.  He doesn’t seem to have a tension, or a problem, or a problem – no, he just is, he just happens to have (1) all his best qualities worked into a finely honed robot in a two-plus-centimeter-high cylinder, which he calls a “body” and (2) has those qualities translated into all the mental Pneuma by a pair of a pair of highly sensitive phasers.

Can you hear that?  Does that sound exactly like a man thinking that he is having a problem, that he is having a bad time?  No!  He is having a glads-if-i-am-supposed-to-feel-very-unhappy-today-please-include-this-one-tiny-thing-in-the-mix, which he also goes around telling you that it is totally normal and entirely cool.  He is fucking so happy!

He is the Doctor Who of Transhumanism.  He is sui generis.  He is there!  The Doctor Who of Transhumanism is a creature of pure potential.  He can see the future, he sees it with his deepest eyes, and he’s having so much fun he could cry right now.

And that’s the problem with the human race: we live in a world where the future is totally cool.  It is a place of pure fucking possibility, a tiny bubble in a vast Immaterium of nothing, where you can drop a bomb and kill dude and then it’ll be so clear you wouldn’t even notice that “dude” had been killed for hours.  Not that I’d be graceful enough to live in such a world, of course, but I would think it was completely absurd.

So we end up with dueling, ludicrous, ersatz memes – “Gender is Boring” and Boring Gender is Trippin’” – popping up on the same tumblr blogs every day, where they feed off of one another’s hilarity and create a spiral of dank meme magic, forever and ever.  In a world where male and female gender roles are ridiculous, nothing has changed.

[kellyvision]

TOXIC

“You said I never wrote a song for you, so I hope this one is haunting you....″

                                     ***********

How did I get here?

I looked at the glass shards of the broken lamp on the floor. Holes punched in the wall, hair extensions and other miscellaneous things are thrown across the suite. White-hot anger surged through me all over again as I felt the pain in my foot; the glass shards that were embedded in my heel. How could I even trust him again? After everything we been through, why would he do this to me?

Everything in me wanted to stay but I knew I wouldn’t last if I continued to enable his behavior. I needed to get away from his ass. Why was it so hard for him to act right, even after all these years. I shouldn’t have to beg him to treat me better. He was my first and maybe that’s why I held on to him for so long. I let him take advantage of me because he knew how much I cared, he knew how much I loved him. How much I needed him. He knew I’d do anything for him. No one told me that I would lose myself along the way. I craved his acceptance, he was who I depended on for support, unconditional love, and security. He filled that void. The void of not having parents that love you.  

We were addicted to one another. Dependent on each other. We were both so emotionally unstable and intense, one small disagreement could be taken so far. I held him down for six years. Where did that fuckin get me? Getting slapped in the face? Shoved? Shaken? Choked? Lied to? I pushed him. I provoked him. I was just to blame. I was raised to hit back harder, worse. I didn’t give a fuck cos I saw red too. I blackout when I get so angry. I go to a place where I can no longer control. 

The crash, the aftermath of our high was explosive. We abused each other, that’s what this was, plain and simple. It’s hard to admit because if we abuse each other if we're so toxic then maybe we weren’t good for each other. I knew I would never leave. I wouldn’t know what to do without him. Yet we manipulated each other. The pain we cause was both physical and emotional. 

The things he has done have said. They can’t be erased. He does not belong to me, he never did. I was his though, he possessed me. I thought I had him but how could he love me when he couldn’t even love himself. I won’t justify the things I did either, but that’s how we loved each other. That’s all we ever knew, that’s how the streets raised us, to be independent, to fight, it’s been imprinted in us. 

Fighting is in our blood, that’s what we do. There was a statute of limitations, we fucked each other up but we were both in control. We were bred the same way. Anger courses our veins, we suffer from depression and PTSD from our upbringing, it has affected us in ways that are probably irreversible. We were never shown love, so we take it out on each other. I don’t think I had any more fight left in me. I barely recognized myself. 

He groomed me since the young age of 15, he was all I knew, the only family I had left, if I walked away, I would have nothing. All of my identity was in him. He created the person I was, the beliefs I had, the experiences I went through. He is my foundation. He makes up most of me. He changed me, everything I initially wanted, gone. Here I am; left alone, defeated, in a corner of a broken hotel room. Yet I waited for him to come back, still in my tattered dress. The blood stained my feet from the glass that was rooted in my soles, deep bruises decorated around my arm, and hand indentations on my face and neck. 

If only you saw his body and the bitch I saw him with. I heard the door open, I didn’t need to look up to know who it was. His shoes crunched on the broken glass around the room. He crouched down on his knee to get down to my eye level.

“I’m sorry” his cockiness reeked as he attempted to apologize. 

He knew I couldn’t survive without him. I thrusted my chin high in the air refusing to bow down and show any sign of weakness but still, tears escaped and trickled down my tear-stained face. I wasn’t sad. I was angry, anger filled my body, remembering why this fight happened in the first place. I didn’t want to see him yet. I was mad, so mad that I wanted to bite my tongue off, I had to keep myself from slapping him, I had to bottle it so I cried instead.

He raised his hand but I flinched back. I wasn’t scared. I just didn’t want him to touch me, he didn’t get to hurt me and then heal me, he doesn’t get the right to apologize or empathize when he destroyed me.

His face molded into anger and sorrow as he took in his destruction that he caused on my body. He saw how much his baggage fell onto my shoulders, how I had to keep him from destroying himself, so he destroys me.

“I got you, baby” He wiped my tears. 

He cradled me in his arms and picked me up. My pride wanted to walk but any pressure would probably open an artery. I cried into his neck.

“I don’t want anyone to see me like this” is all I said to him as we walked out of the storm that was our room.

We got to his new room and he placed me on the bed and got a cup, some vodka, and a towel. 

“Bite into this” He tossed the towel to me, I didn’t move. 

He then poured the vodka on my feet, I stared dead in his face, unnerved. I needed to feel that throbbing pain to stop my morbid thoughts.

He then tweezed the glass shards that were lodged into my foot and put them in the cup. He poured more alcohol on my wounds to clean them up.

He led me to the shower, undressed me and himself, and let the hot water cascade on the both of us. He hugged me to his body, I stood there rigid against him. 

“Please forgive me” He whispered in my neck.

“I always forgive you” I looked into his eyes, “but nothing changes”

“You hurt me more when you make promises you can’t keep” I roll my eyes.

“How would you feel if I fucked someone else, you wouldn’t even touch me again” 

“If you even look at another guy I’d shoot him” he whispered in my ear.

I pushed him away from me and he let out a sadistic laugh. He loved when he hurt me, I loved when he hurt me. We were so fucked up. His hands slithered up my body, his hands stopped when he brushed against my neck bruises, his hand clasped around my neck, his thumb soothed me, rubbing my jugular vein.

“I’m serious” His eyes burned with fire. 

He let go of my neck, and still rubbed his dick against my body, I grabbed it with my hand.

“You better scrub the bitch off your dick. Touch me again and I’m finna get me scissors and cut your dick off” I bite back. “so who you gonna fuck? snip snip with what dick?” I tugged his dick harder and saw his face contort.

I took a washcloth and lathered myself up with soap, scrubbing myself hard. Hoping to erase last night's memory, the bruises, and the scratches. I made sure my body was raw, red, and burning. Just like my insides. The blood from the cut on my feet drained into the shower. I watched Kells scrub his dick and after he rinsed, I kneeled down to smell it to see if I could smell anything. It smelled clean enough, at least he was wearing a fuckin’ condom.

“You crazy” He shook his head.

He gave me the face that I was so used to receiving anytime I confronted him with his lies. It’s when he lied, cheated or didn’t want to be caught in the former. It was the face I wanted to punch, it was the face that would rather make me believe I was trippin’ so he could continue whatever triflin’ thing he wanted.

“What’s crazy is the fact that you think I want to touch you when you fuck dirty bitches. I’m not gonna put myself at risk and I am most definitely not gonna share a man with a crackhead. If I am so crazy how about you fuck that bitch who keeps rocking her jaw back and forth, the bitch who needs to stick a needle up her arm just to fuck you”

“The fuckin caliber of women you choose to fuck behind my back is incredible, Colson, real fuckin’ incredible”

“Not only do I have to deal with a baby mama, but I gotta deal with any pussy that throws itself at you.”

“The truth is you have no consideration, you don’t care cos you think I won’t leave you, but there is gonna be a day I fuckin kill myself from this toxic ass relationship” 

“It’s funny how you act like you didn’t do anything wrong. I let you fuck any bitch you want. The deal was that you tell me beforehand, my whole thing is you have no reason to lie to me, yet you do anyway. I don’t care that you are a sex addict and will stick yo’ dirty dick into any hole just to get off. All you had to was tell me.” I point at my chest, he bows his head down but I hold his eye line. I continue with my rant.

“Instead, I find you with some whore and here I am trying to surprise you on tour cos you say you lonely and you miss me, meanwhile you just faking the motions with me” I motion with my hands. 

“What? You keep me in Cleveland looking after Casie and her mom, to hide all the triflin’ shit you do behind my back. Really?” I look at him with disgust.

“Colson, this a new low. Even for you. I don’t know what new found fame you feeling right now or you think you don’t have to treat me like I’m not the only person who deals with every personality, mood swing, and attitude that you have. I have stayed for things that no female would have. Like you havin’ a baby while you were with me, not only do I love your child and take care of your child but I’ve loved her when you couldn’t” I poked his chest hard. 

It didn’t matter what I said, I would say anything to hurt him back, to justify why I was still there, to prove to him that I was worthy. 

Or was I just trying to prove it to myself.

“I have sacrificed so much of myself for you and your career, I believed in you when no one else would. When your mom came back and you couldn't get out of bed for two weeks, who took care of you? 

“When you constantly had relationships behind my back and they broke your heart.... who built you up again?” 

“Who got you through your addictions, where you had withdraws so bad you didn’t even know your name?”

“Who fed you when your dad used all your money for alcohol?”

“Who gave you a place to live when he kicked you out?”

“Who invested in your dream, who fuckin paid for the equipment, the computers, for the rent? Who Colson?” 

“Who fucking did that?” I scream so the past versions of myself can hear me, so I can warn them and tell them to run before its too late.

I stare at him waiting for an answer. 

“I never asked you to do any of those things for me though,” he says so comfortably.

He’s right. 

“Are you serious right now, that’s what the fuck you have to say. But when I leave its all types of tears and boohoo this and boohoo that, no one wants to lose their girl act, right Colson. You’re a fuckin asshole, I can’t believe you would even say something like that. So what... I am that disposable to you”

“I didn’t mean it like that, baby” he sang in forgiveness.

“That’s the problem, you just say shit to hurt me, but at the end of the day you can’t take back the love that goes unnoticed, you can’t take back what you said”

I punch the shower knob off and open the door of the shower. I grab a towel from the shelf and look at my body in the mirror, the hot water didn’t do anything to my bruises but make them more prominent. My eye was bruised and my cheekbone was cut. I had a knot on my forehead from head bumping the bitch he was with.

I dropped the towel on the floor and crawled into the bed underneath the covers, and I shut my eyes, feeling the tears pool around my eyelashes, I tried to hold it in but they remained in the back of my throat. The weight of the break down sat on my chest, suffocating me. I wanted to scream, all the anger built up inside of me crashed; I feel emptiness. I was sinking down this rabbit hole and I didn’t know which way was up. 

My body shook as cried harder, I didn’t want him to hear me cry, I didn’t want his sympathy, he didn’t deserve my forgiveness and he certainly didn’t deserve my tears. He would just hold it over me, he sees me crying and he thinks I care, that he still has this hold over me, I didn’t want him to know how much he affects me. It gives him too much power and control. I didn’t want him to know that he got to me, that he could break me. It’s not fair. 

I wanted to sleep hoping it would heal the cuts and bruises faster. My thoughts were flashing memories of my relationship like I was dying, all I could see was him, the devil.

                                    ***********

“We gonna get fucked up tonight, think of it as an early birthday present” Destiny stuck out her tongue while she laughed out loud, she handed me this flier that hyped up some club opening. I couldn’t help but laugh at her antics.

“Bitch, I’m turning 16 in two weeks, how the fuck am I getting in?” I shook my head and rolled my eyes, she was so delusional.

“Hello, I got the hook up” she pursed her glossed plumped lips.

I raised an eyebrow, she was always scheming and plotting tryna act grown. 

“Really, Destiny, you know I’m broke as fuck, I can’t afford to even go anywhere” I sighed. 

“You should ask that fine ass brother of yours for some money, he be trappin’ and shit, he’ll take care of you. And me” She raised her eyebrows.

“You so nasty” I made a disgusted face at her. She scoffed and made a face that said: ‘so, what you gonna do about it?’. The only response I could give her was a hum in the tone of ‘yeah right?’

“You know how my brother is a “rapper”. She fingered quotations as she said rapper. I snorted. 

“Well, he is throwin’ this big ass party, he said it’s 18+, so I can get in no problem, so I asked if you could come and he said we would be on a guest list... a guest. list. bitch. I don’t know how the fuck he got it like that but girl, I guess he makin’ it now” she widens her eyes as she begs me to go with her. I contemplate for a little, should I even try to get in?

“Okay but what if I don’t get in, I don’t feel like being stopped at the door and treated like a goddamn child. What if your brother just hyping the situation up, wasn’t he fucking that one crack headed ass bitch” I laugh and she busted out cackling.

“Sasha your ass has got to chill, live a little bitch, suck a dick, lick a nut, smoke a blunt, I said I gotchu right, I’ll never leave yo young ass anywhere, and if you wanna make sure... I’ll call Brandon”

“That’s Slim’s real name, why he act like he so bout it, he such a front sometimes” I laughed.

“You know hood dudes and their government names, they be mad embarrassed, he hates when I be calling him Brandon. He be big mad” She dialed his number, she put the ringer on speaker.

“Whatchu want Dee?” Brandon answered.

“My homegirl ain’t trusting my word, you can get her young ass in the club tonight, right Brandon” I shove her softly as she cackles at me.

“Yeah, we can pre-band her, just bring her to the house, I gotchu”

“Aight, I’ll slide around 7:30”

“We havin’ a pregame too if you wanna slide to that, couple of my friends will be there, please don’t do anything stupid, I ain’t tryna be a baby sitter”

“Kk big bro, love you Bran-Bran” Destiny sang into the phone.

“What did I tell you about callin’ me that Dee, love you too” he hung up as quickly as he answered. We snorted laughing.

“So you coming bitch” she fluttered her fake eyelashes at me, I bit my lip still deciding if I should go.

“Aight, aight, I’ll come” I knew there was no way getting out of this.

                                    ***********

“Stop pulling your dress down, you look hot as fuck, c’mon we are confident independent women” Destiny swatted my hands away from the dress. It was hella cute but started riding up my ass as I walked. The dress cut around mid-thigh, the thin straps decorated my shoulders, it was completely revealing towards the left side of my body, the thin material was only hanging together by the lace. 

I was mad nervous. I felt the back of my head start to sweat. I was hoping that the AC was pumping so I wouldn’t melt inside.

We walked up the curb, onto the sidewalk that led to a bando. This was nothing new for me, I’ve been to worse. I mean shit, we on the east side of Cleveland, what would you expect.

It was pretty stupid for both of us to be walking out like this, alone, at night, in barely no clothes but we didn’t care. I’ve seen enough for a lifetime. I felt like I was way past 21 already. Nothing else could phase me, if some fucked up shit popped off, I’d deal with it and keep pushing, cos what else is there to do. Cry? I can’t, nobody in Cleveland has time for that. 

Keep going and don’t look back.

Destiny knocked on the door, and she rocked back and forth waiting for someone to open it. I can tell Destiny was ready to be on her worst behavior. She stuck out her tongue, she was basically channeling her super freak.

I could hear the music vibrate through the walls.

The door swung open, Slim greeted us, “What’s up lil sis? Hey Sasha”

Destiny hugged and kissed her brother on the cheek, as did I.

He shut the door behind us and led us through the house. About 15 people were spread through the place: drinking and laughing.

Slim led us to the kitchen, where a white guy was rolling up blunts.

The table had bags of weed, papers, and backwoods while a stack of over 21 bands sat in the corner.

People called for Slim.

“Kells band Desi and Sasha” Slim left us.

Kells nodded silently. He smiled at Destiny as she hugged him and rubbed his buzz cut. “This is new” is all she said. 

“Destiny stop messin’ around” he jerked his head and took a wave brush out to fix the pattern his hair was placed. 

Destiny rolled her eyes. “You know that brush don’t be do anything for your hair, you just makin’ your scalp red, Colson” 

Destiny shared a look with me and we busted out laughing. 

“Y’all can shut the fuck up, and what did I say about calling me by my government name” He put the blunt behind his ear as he banded Destiny. As soon as Destiny was good, she made herself a drink.

Kells slash Colson motioned for my wrist and I held it out to him. “You need to come closer” his deep voice bellowed, it was soft but firm. It commanded as easily as I obeyed.

He wrapped the band around my wrist. “Nothing to be scared of” he gave me a smirk as his fingertips lingered on my hand.

“Sasha, take some shots with me” Destiny interrupted us. Kells shifted and as soon as he addressed me it took him a second to forget me.

I took about 4 shots of tequila with Destiny, I was feeling a little warm in my cheeks. Then I took a couple more, I lost count.

I felt a little looser than I was. I looked back at Kells as he sat by himself smoking his blunts and drinking Hennessy out the bottle.

“I’m finna dance, come with me,” Destiny asked, I shook my head. Destiny shrugged her shoulders. “I’ll be back, K look after her” Destiny walked away.

I looked back at Kells as he motioned for me to sit at the table with him. I pulled out a chair and sat in front of him.

“You smoke?” Kells asked. I shook my head.

“I never had before” I further explained.

He handed me his blunt and that rested between his pointer and middle finger.

“I’ll help you”. He held the blunt to my lips and I sucked into the filter, the end lit up, my lungs filled with smoke. I pulled back. “Hold it in for a bit” He looked at me, and told me to release with my nose.

I took a few more hits and I was good. He handed me his Hennessy, it started to taste like water.

It was so early in the night and I was already crossed faded.

“I’m Sasha” I sat back in the chair.

“I know” he smirked. I tilted my head in confusion.

“I used to work for your brother when I was 15”. I rolled my eyes. Didn’t everybody.

“You know he told me and Slim to keep an eye on you” he quipped.

“So what you my probation officer, you gonna report back to him what I do” I crossed my arms.

“Only if you act up” He winked.

“So what’s this party for anyways” I bit the inside of my cheek.

“I am performing tonight” 

“Well, aren’t you nervous” I motion to his calm demeanor

“Nah I am” he explained.

“You must be happy to be back” I smiled.

“Half of me is, the other half wants to work until I get to the top, I’m not there yet” he stews in his own anger and disappointment.

“You doing better than half of the kids in Cleveland” I attempt to comfort him.

“But here we are, back in the same place” he sighed negatively.

“Aren’t you supposed to be celebrating?” I looked at his face as he clenched his jaw.

“Yeah, I got like seven different personalities” he smirked at me as he licked his lips.

“Why you say that for?” I leaned into his trance.

“You wouldn’t understand,” He wrote me off.

“Show me” I begged him. I didn’t know what I wanted but I just wanted him close to me.

He pulled me into his lap and his hand collared my neck, he gripped tighter as he inhaled my scent. I felt alive, fire coursed through my veins and I could feel the heat emanate from the burning inferno he turned on inside of me. My dress rose to my stomach and I straddled his lap, the thin barrier of my thong pressed against his jean-cladded crotch. Anyone could walk in on us, I think that’s what excited me the most, that he did this so out in the open. I didn’t care who would see us, as long as he kept doing whatever he was doing to me. Maybe it was the alcohol drying my insides but I felt drawn to him, I needed him. He saw me for who I was, he looked at me like he knew me all my life.

He dragged his lips from my jawline to my mouth, and pressed a rough kiss into my lips, sucking in my tongue, his other hand wrapped around my waist, cinching me together as he thrusted his crotch into my pussy, grinding together. I moaned into him, he controlled me, he made me feel. His lips pulled away from mine, my eyes still close, he captured my earlobe with his teeth, 

“You’re mine” he demanded. 

His two fingers peeled my panties to the side and began massaging my clit, my knees buckled and space between us decreased as my clarity became thick with haziness. His ministrations were slow but just the right pressure, my slickness coated his fingers and my thighs. His fingers were sliding with ease. He stroked my clit, he then inserted his index finger. I bit my lip at the intrusion, my tightness stretched around him. His lips suck on the flesh part of my neck as he thrusted his finger inside of me while he rubbed my clit. My chest heaved as something in the pit of my stomach tightened. His lips trailed down from my neck to my breast. With his free hands he removed my breast from the top of the dress, he wasted no time sucking my nipple. I threw my head back in intense pleasure, I felt a wave white-hot electricity shoot through me as my stomach muscles released and my vagina clenched around his finger. I mewled into him as my hips uncontrollably buckled into his hand, almost if I continued to have ghost sensations. Everything was so hypersensitive, he pulled his finger from my entrance and massaged my swollen clit a few times, I couldn’t help but whimper as he touched me. He fixed my thong even though it was drenched in my wetness. He removed his hands from me and put it in his mouth licking everything last drip of my arousal.

I was shocked, mouth wide open. He let go, and I still sat in his lap in pieces of what I used to be. He confidently lit up another blunt and blew the smoke in my face. I slid out from his lap and pulled down my panties and handed him the soaked material, as I pulled down the dress trying to stand back on my two feet.

“I meant what I said, Sasha” His piercing blue eyes bored inside of me, igniting the flames that lit my nerves. I gave him a look of misunderstanding.

He nonchalantly looked at the blunt, huffed more smoke in.

“That you’re mine,” he said so matter of factly. All I could do was bite my lip. I looked at him with wide eyes as he took my thong and put it into his pocket.

“Don’t look at me like that or I’m going to fuck you against the wall” his voice shook my core, my face was hot from the furnace that burned in between my thighs.

I felt tremors of my clit, a throbbing sensation I never felt. For the first time in so long, I felt alive.

Slim came into the kitchen asking for the 21 and over bands. I refused to look him the eye, he knew my brother. Kells could see it in my face how nervous I was.

When Slim left, Kells hand snaked up my thigh and cupped my vagina. “Say it” he commanded. “Yours” I whispered, he then removed his hand, I felt so empty. I needed to be close to him.

Before I could jump back in his lap, Destiny came into the kitchen.

“Yo we finna head out” She nodded to the door. “Thanks for watching my friend, K, hope she was fun” she laughed, my face immediately drained of color. Did she see us? “She was just telling me how glad she came” his lidded eyes were filled with lust, dominance, and mirth. He couldn’t help but laugh at his own joke.

“I had to beg her to come” Destiny unknowingly said.

“I didn’t,” Kells said it only loud enough for me to hear, as he squeezed my butt on our way out the door.

Kells eventually left me alone with Destiny on our way to the car. I couldn’t concentrate on anything coming from Destiny’s mouth, I wanted Kells, my body wasn’t letting me forget, everything in me was searching for him.

Once we arrived at the club, we skipped through the line and walked into the packed club, it was midnight already, I felt the night just begun. I was drunk as fuck, I saw Kells and Slim getting hype on stage as they bounce with the crowd. 

It almost felt like Kells was a figment of my imagination cos I didn’t see him anywhere after his performance 

I went to go to the bar and a hand grabbed me into their direction, I looked up to see Kells. He guided me by my waist as he took me to an empty VIP booth. “But my drink,” I said in disappointment.

As soon as the drapes enclosed around us, his lips were on mine, suddenly I couldn’t care less. “Please” I drank him instead.

“What do you want Sasha” He smirked.

“I want you to fuck me” I slurred.

“You’re drunk right now, I can do other things to you baby” his hands massaged my ass.

“No, I want it now” I pouted. Kells rubbed my swollen bottom lip with his thumb. 

“I’m not finna take you like this, I gotchu okay, you gotta trust me” He calmed me down. I only nodded as I wrapped my arms around him and began kissing him. I straddled his groin, I grinded myself against him. My tongue slipped into his mouth, his tongue overpowered mines, and he bit my lip hard letting me know he won. He sucked my lips into his, slowly and sensually nibbling and licking my lips, turning me on even more. The more I grinded my hips the more sure I felt, I wanted him so badly.

He flipped me so that my butt was facing him. “Dance for me,” He told me. I did as I was told.

I grinded my ass into his groin, my hips rhythmically moving with the bass of the club. As my ass bounced in front of him, he slapped my cheeks and massaged my clit, giving me what I wanted. He glided my wetness to my asshole as he inserted his thumb into my ass.

The foreign feeling had me moan. “You like that baby” I nodded. “I got so many things planned for you, just you wait, you promise to be a good girl,” he asked me.

I nodded compliantly. He threw me against the long attached sofa where I rested on my back, he hovered on top of me slowly gliding down my body. Until he reached my pussy and spread my legs wide open, kissing my thighs. I was anticipating how this all would feel. His mouth was on my clit and he lapped up my soaked pussy and continued lapping and licking me up and down. His mouth sucked on my clit and a finger thrusted into my entrance, I clenched my thighs around his head, I felt a familiar feeling in my stomach start to build. He flipped me around so that I was on my stomach and began to lick my ass and clitoris, thrusting in out of my vagina with his tongue and alternating to his finger and sucking my clit combo. I felt myself flutter a couple of times before the tight ball in my stomach finally released, a wave of pleasure washed through me, making me moan so loudly but was masked by the loud music.

My body was in a fetal position, I felt wrecked. I couldn’t move, I was so relaxed and unfazed, I didn’t realize Kells was even talking to me.

“You taste as good as you look” he whispered in my ear. I lightly smiled, really felt like I couldn’t exert that much energy.

He picked me up but I felt like a noodle. All the alcohol at once hit me. I stood up and fixed my dress and hair.

“I’m so drunk,” I said to him.

“I know baby girl, let’s party” he held me to him as if he was my own personal stilt.

Once we exited the booth, we met our crew in the middle of the dance floor, Kells put me in front of him as I danced on his groin, and he met me with every thrust and hip roll I danced.

He was a good dancer for a white boy.

“Take me home” I whispered in his ear. He nodded.

He told Destiny that he was gonna take me to him and Slim’s place, and she nodded and said she would see me later.

Kells held my hand as we got out of the club. We got back to his place, he picked me up so that my legs locked around his waist, and carried me to his bedroom.

He threw me on the bed and laid on top of me, as he brushed my baby hairs.

I kissed his lips.

I know he felt me too.

He pulled off my dress leaving me naked in his bed, as he stripped down to nothing. He hugged me to his naked chest, I felt safe, I felt warm, I felt like I belonged.

I pushed his shoulder so that he would be on his back, I lifted one leg so that I could straddle him.

“Stop being a brat, I’m not gonna fuck you when you so faded like this”

“I know but we can play a game” I giggled as I took his hard dick and slid it through my soaked lips, sliding against his penis, rubbing it against my vagina. His head was thrown back contemplating if he should fuck me. I provoked him enough where I could see his expression harden.

He stopped my movements and threw me off of him.

“Go to sleep” He kissed my lips. I snuggled into his neck, as I wrapped my leg around his waist.  He kissed my eyelids as they got heavier and heavier, I eventually drifted off to sleep.

                                    ***********

I felt a direct beam of light irritating my eyelids. I woke up not knowing where the fuck I was, in an empty bed with no recollection of the night. Dizziness impacted any sane thought. Where’s my phone? What time is it? I get up to close the curtains to aide this migraine from getting worse, I realize I am butt naked. I look around the room to find my dress, did I wear a dress last night?

Where the fuck is Destiny? Whose crib, especially whose room is this?

I get closer to the bathroom to hear running water, shit the person is still here. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck me. I bet he did that already.

I don’t know what to do. Be a big girl and just ask him for help. I pep-talked myself.

I took a deep breath and walked my naked self into the bathroom soon as this man climbed out of the shower, the steamed bathroom made him all that sexier as water dripped from his chest. My eyes followed his happy trail leading down to the v line, my view was interrupted by his towel that hung so low around his waist.

And suddenly it all came back to me. 

He cleared his throat, when I made eye contact, I could see the smug little smirk on his face. There I stood, butt naked and all, letting him scrutinize me.

“How are you feeling,” he asked. Was he really concerned? 

“like shit” I responded. “ uhh I can’t find my dress or my underwear” I had a flashback of handing him my underwear before we went to the club, and him fingering me and then him eating me out at the club. He knew I knew.

He just laughed and scratched his jaw. “I’ll get you some stuff. You can take a shower if you want, there are towels and toothbrushes under the sink”

“You are obviously prepared for times like this” I observed. He must have a lot of guests who sleepover. Why did that even make me jealous?

“You jealous baby girl” He sucked his teeth like I was being playful. I rolled my eyes.

“I just met you last night” I sassed.

“But you were quick to spread your legs for me not once but twice”

“I was drunk and horny” I was making excuse after excuse.

“And yet you still remember it”

“And yet we still didn’t fuck” I pointed out.

“Oh, that’s cos I am planning on doing that when you are fully aware and begging me to fuck you until you tap out cos baby beli’ed dis you finna want to feel everything” He licked his lips, thinking he had me wrapped around his little finger. Please. Honey two can play this game.

I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, I looked up into his eyes, “too bad you already took a shower” my hand snuck down his waist and pulled his towel and let that shit fall to the floor. “Oops” I felt his stomach shake as he laughed at me, so unbothered. It only frustrated me because he knew how nervous he made me.

I screamed in surprise as he lifted my legs so that they were wrapped around his waist. He was too good at this game.

“Baby I am always gonna be two steps ahead of you” he vowed. “Mmhm now you got nothing to say”

I looked at him with a smirk and kissed his lips, it was meant to be a small kiss but he bit my bottom lip and his hand snaked to my neck, wrapping his large hand around it, deepening the kiss. His other hand grabbed a handful of my ass.

Once I felt his dick harden against my pussy, I let out a foreign gasp, he began to slide against my lips causing delicious friction, while his tongue brushed against mine, I was so lost in his touches that I let out a moan I wasn’t planning on. Once I realized this I knew I lost whatever game we were playing but I didn’t care anymore.

He pulled away from me, to look at me with piercing eyes. I knew what he was thinking. He dropped me back on to my feet. I was no longer eye to eye to him, I felt so small as he hovered my body. My hands sat as his chest, basically clawing at him to pick me back up.

“If I went any further, I don’t think I could stop,” he said in low voice.

“Who said I wanted you to stop” I whispered.

He grabbed my chin “Stop playing with me and take your shower already”.

Once he pulled away from me, he grabbed the towel on the floor and headed back out of the bathroom shutting the door behind him without even looking back at me.

I didn’t know whether to scream or to go after him. I decided to take a shower instead.

Once I finished showering and brushing my teeth, I grabbed a towel and went back into the room to see some of Destiny’s clothes sitting out on the bed. Once I was dressed, I came out of Kells’ bedroom and followed the noise coming from the kitchen.

I saw Destiny laughing with Slim, a few other guys I recognized from last night at the pre-game. Of course, I saw Kells sitting with a smirk on his face but I didn’t pay him any mind cos he was on some childish ass game.

“You ready girl” Destiny asked. I nodded.

I smiled at the rest of the group.

I sat on the opposite side of the table away from this man who was doing the most right now.

“Took you long enough?” Kells asked real loud for everyone to hear.

I felt the heat rush to the front of my face. Why he always tryna call me out.

I smirked at him. Faking whatever little to no confidence I had. I got a smile from him.

“Ahh you sound jealous” I bit back his own words he used against me.

A whole chorus of oooooh's sang around us.

“She gotta slick mouf, Kells, she always got some shit to say” Destiny empathized with him. I just shrugged my shoulders unapologetically.

“That's not all her mouf do” Kells nodded.

I felt like I was on Maury. He really tryna expose me. I rolled my eyes at his double meaning. Before I could respond, Dre walked into the kitchen. 

“Aye y’all muthafuckas ready to go, I’ve been waiting, my fit Hollin’, somebody needa see me in this hoe”

Everyone piled into a fourth-generation ford Taurus, it was a hoopty. It’s not like anyone had money, we were lucky to have this ride, a car is a car here period. 

I had to sit on K’s lap, he kept rubbing inside my thigh. But I was ignoring the shit out of him.

“Why you so silent” He squeezed my thigh.

I looked at him and shrugged my shoulders.

He sucked his teeth at me. 

I started to laugh cos I already know the type of dude he is.

We pulled up with the music blasting and smellin’ loud as fuck, cos they were big chiefin’ in the car, as the hollow metal fogged with smoke.

Once we parked the car, Kells opened the door and motioned me to get out. I walked out and reached out for Destiny as she climbed over Kells to get out the car.

She grabbed my hand. “We need a bigger car, my ass way too fat to be climbing everywhere like that”

Destiny and I walk toward the back of the apartments away from the boys.

“Bitch what the fuck you do with Kells” she pushed me.

“Biiiiiitttttccccchhh I got tea” I laughed.

“What you do” she gasped.

“I ain’t do anything but he ate me out in the club. He fingered me like twice. I wanted to fuck but he was like nah you faded, I’ll wait. This morning he was teasing me and shit, now I am just chillin’ cos I dunno maybe he just wants to fuck and dip. I don’t even go for white boys”

“Bitch he staring at you tho”

“Don’t look, I don’t want him to think I’m talking about him”

“Mhmm Sasha... he a straight dawg bruh, all of them are” she bellowed in laughter.

I looked at her laughing.

“I am tryna forget about it” I rolled my eyes.

“Damn sis you were poppin’ pussy, what happened to I don’t want to go bla bla bla”

I push her “you know what bitch I was crossfaded, y’all hear something” I ignore her.

“Let's get something to eat” She rubbed her stomach and pulled me in the direction of the food.

We were talking to the locals, somebody puts their arm around me, I look up to see my brother.

Destiny instantly smiles, “Hey Tre” she looks like she is about to drool.

“What you doing here” I deadpanned.

“I wanted to see what my baby sis was up to, make sure you were good last night” he smiled, nosily.

I rolled my eyes. “I talked with Slim, he said you had fun” I tried not to crack and show him I was nervous.

“It was aight” I gave him nothing. He didn’t have to know the full story or else someone would get hurt.

Tre’s phone rang. 

“I just wanna make sure you safe, Destiny look out for my girl aight. Text me where you stayin’ tonight, love you Cha-cha, I’ll be with my brothers” Tre kissed my cheek and answered his phone. He walked away from us.

“He is so annoying sometimes” I visibly relaxed.

“Bitch you’re his family, he just being protective” Destiny reasoned.

“You just siding with him cos you want to fuck,” I said pointedly, Destiny shoved my arm playfully, but looked in Tre’s direction dreamily.

“Bitch just be lucky you ain’t got a crazy momma, aight” she turned back to me and pursed her lips.

“I got one, she just in jail” I laughed. She shook her head in laughter.

We got a plate of food. I was diggin’ into the mac n cheese. Kells, Slim, Irv, Dub, and Dre came to our table.

Slim handed Destiny some of his beer.

Kells sat next to me and disrupted my peace.

“What you eating girl,” He said just to me.

“You want some?” I lifted the fork of mac and cheese. He bit the food and took some.

“You tasted better” He whispered into my ear. I felt myself get red.

“I’m gonna get a plate, you want anything” he rubbed my back. 

“I want more mac and some jerk chicken” I said stiffly, I really didn’t want my brother to see us.

Kells came back with two plates of food.

We shared what was on our plate.

He was scooping the mac n cheese into his mouth. 

“Yo slow down, dawg” Slim laughed. 

“You always eat like yo food running away” Dre laughed with Irv.

Kells flipped his middle finger at his brothers.

“Leave me alone, you know we ain’t got no type of food at the crib, that’s why my ass skinny as fuck, I need a wifey who gon’ cook for me” He bumped my shoulder with his.

“You got me fucked up, get yo ass a maid then, I ain’t no wife, go play house somewhere else” I snapped.

Everyone was laughing at us.

“Nah, Imma put a baby in you” he licked his lips. 

I started to laugh as if it were the funniest joke, but he seemed somewhat serious.

“and I’m gonna hand it right back to you on a silver plate” I laughed.

He held his heart as he feigned pain.

The boys and Destiny left to go get some free drinks from a stand and go play ball on the court. Kells stayed behind.

“Why you trippin’ all of a sudden” Kells asked.

“What do you mean” I said avoiding the conversation.

“You just acting different, like a brat” He crossed his arms. I rolled my eyes.

“Cos you just tryna fuck, and honestly, I’m not looking to do that anytime soon. I was drunk and high, I mean I liked what you did but I’m not ready for that” I looked a way uncomfortably.

“I am serious about you girl, I want to get to know you”

“You’re 19, you graduated, I’m turning 16 in two weeks, I’m still in high-school. We are on two separate lanes of life, I’m stuck here and you’re starting a new life. I never even had a boyfriend. I barely know you, I don’t even know your name or what to call you....”

“Well, you can be my friend first. I usually go by Kells or K, but my government name is Colson, no one calls me by name but you can call me anything you want. Daddy is fine too.” He smiled at me.

“You just look like someone who’ll just play me, we’re 4 years apart” I rolled my eyes.

“More like 3 and a half, I won’t do you like that, you special. I don’t talk to any bitches, I really don’t”

“You got mad bitches Colson, you a straight-up dog, don’t lie to me” I stared at him.

“C’mon you just gotta give me a chance, I meant like I don’t really try like I did with you, you the baddest bitch here, c’mon, look at you, you don’t even have to try”

“I’m gonna hold you back Colson, you not gonna remember me when you make it, you’ll be fine” I rolled my eyes at him.

“I know you feel something, I feel it too. I ain’t gonna lie to you. I want you. I really do, I ain’t gonna say it again” he stood his ground.

I pursed my lips. Cos I didn’t want to hear it. I’ve seen it all, they all just want pussy and they’ll do anything to get it. 

“Lemme take you out on a date” he begged me.

“Where” I raised an eyebrow.

“I’ll take you to a nice ass restaurant, we can go to a movie, I’ll treat you like a queen” he talked with his hands as if he were trying to get me to see his imaginary plan.

I laughed at him.

“We can be friends and we’ll see how you behave and then maybe... I’ll go on that date with you” I compromised.

“If we friends that means you can’t kiss me then” he warned.

“That’s fine by me” I laughed, I raised my hands defensively. 

“You don’t gotta lie to me, I left you dick drunk last night. But I see how you movin’. We’ll do the friend thing... for now” he smirked at me deviously.

                                    ***********

The bell rang loudly throughout the school, I couldn’t wait to get out of this hell hole. I went to my locker and got my books, put some lip gloss on before I locked up and began my walk home.

Destiny stopped going to class cos of her “senior-itus” so I was left by myself. 

I was lost in thought when I heard the low hum of an engine and a honk that followed. “SASHA”

I turned my head to see Kells in his hoopty, I rolled my eyes.

“Sasha stop acting brand new, get yo ass in the car, I missed you, come’ on. I’m on break right now. Lemme take you home” he begged.

I giggled cos he looked so crazy. People were looking at us. I didn’t want to cause so much attention. I tried to ignore his advances but he was so annoying.

I’m not good enough for him, I could not give him what he wanted. I knew this already, but he seemed not to care.

“Sasha I’m tryna be yo friend, you promised” he cheesed. When I inched closer his whole face lit up and his blue eyes were electric.

I wanted to jump him. He was acting cute or whatever, maybe a little. 

He opened the passenger door from the inside as I lifted it away from the car, and slid in. I shut it and put my seatbelt on.

“Hi, Colson” I smirked at him.

“I want to kiss you so bad, you look good in your little school outfit,” he touched my thigh and lightly lifted my skirt.

I pushed his hands away. “Friends” I warned.

“With benefits” he smirked. I laughed at him.

“Aren’t you supposed to take me home, weirdo” I punched his arm.

He drove off from my school campus and drove me to my house in the projects. 

“How was school?” 

“Ghetto” I laughed.

“Yeah I fuckin hated going to Heights, it fuckin sucked”

“What did you do today, how was work so far?” “Same shit different day, you know I begged my manager to let me take this break so I could spend it with you”

“Why you such a liar for” I rolled my eyes.

“You special girl, I know you like me, I’m gonna be your friend, I’ll be your best friend if you want”

“Aight K, whatever you say” I shake my head at him. 

“Do you ever skip school” he looks at me.

“depends on the situation”

“Oh so you are miss goody two shoes”

“No, I just want to graduate, maybe go to college or something”

“Well maybe if you ain’t too busy studying, and if you hate school so much, I can take you out to eat during your lunch, or just pick you up when you want to get away” “That's nice of you” I looked into his eyes to see if he had an ulterior motive, he seemed sincere.

“I’m nice to my friends” he smiled at me.

“What time do you get off today,” I asked.

“I close... what you wanted to see me again” he smirks at me.

“Calm down” I tease. “Maybe,” I said lower.

“Just hit my line, I’m always down to spend some time with you” he raised his eyebrows. I smiled.

“Thank you for taking me home, no ones ever picked up from school before, it’s kinda cute that you care if I got home safe” I laughed at him.

He shrugged his shoulders. “I’ll be whatever you want me to be”.

“It’s cool, you know, that you want to be my friend first” I looked into his eyes to see if his sincerity was still there. “It means a lot to me” I looked down a little embarrassed. I didn’t have that many friends and K was new and I didn’t know how to function with all of his attention.

“I’m sorry I said no to you, I’m not used to this, you. I don’t think I’m in the place to date, so thanks for understanding” I ramble on.

“Don’t ever apologize to me, you have nothing to be sorry for. You ain’t never have to worry about being safe again. I’m your friend and I’m finna protect you, you ain’t gotta stress no more. I don’t know who hurt you but I’m here for you. We all go through shit, you don’t have to do it alone anymore” he holds my thigh, it's intimate but I don’t think I mind anymore. I feel my eyes cloud with tears, I don’t let them fall. Words shouldn’t affect me so deeply, I felt exposed, raw, and left out for the wolves to feast. Was K the wolf in this scenario? Before I could cry into his arms, I see that we are close to my complex. I’m more than happy to run out of the car.

“This is it. Thank you” I look at him as he puts the car in park and his veins pop out from his forearm, he was so strong, I was thirsting at him every chance I got. He looks at me and smiles like he knew what I was thinking. He licks his lips on cue, and his eyes flit down to my lips. 

He comes closer to me and brings me to his chest, and wraps his arms around me. I loosen up and hug him back, and wrap my arms around his back, and snuggle into him.

“Thank you” I whisper to him. I pull back and gather my stuff into my hands.

I shut the door, and come around to his window. 

“Imma wait until you inside. Call me when you get in, aight.”

I nod at him, “Bye”, and turn to walk away.

“Sasha, you just gonna leave me with no kiss” he laughs.

I turn my head, I hesitate to walk back to him, but decide to run towards his car, and give him a quick peck on the cheek. I see his skin redden a little.

“Bye Colson” I wave.

Once I get inside my apartment, my razor phone begins to ring. Kells caller id rings on the phone.

“Sasha you safe” he demanded.

“Yes, father” I sighed.

“Daddy” He corrects. I roll my eyes.

“I’m not calling you that”

“You will eventually” he laughed. I sucked my teeth.

“You smoking crack?”

“See you tomorrow” he throws into the phone casually and hangs up.

“Wait, what?” 

                                    ***********

“Did you want a piece of my polish boy” I offered Kells, seeing as he already finished two.

“You not hungry” his blue eyes opened wide.

“I’m almost full” I breathed out, trying to force myself to have another bite.

“Girl you better eat before you start losing some of that ass” he laughed at his own joke as he took a piece off my plate.

“Just how like you can eat the whole goddamn fridgerator and stay skin and bones, everything I eat goes to my butt and my thighs” I stuck out my tongue.

He threw a piece of sautéed onion in my direction as I screeched. “Damn you throw like a bitch” once the piece of onion went in the opposite of my direction.

“Call me bitch one more time” he warned.

I faced his direction, and looked him in the eyes with a smirk, he sat there so confident.

“Bitc-” before I could finish he grabbed my neck and pulled me closely to his lips.

“I know you ain’t forget who had you coming with just their fingers” he pressed his lips to mine. I forgot for a second where we were and all of my morals were thrown out the window because I allowed myself to kiss him back. Once I realized he was enjoying this too much, I pushed his arm back from me.

“You still a bitch cos I’m the one that has you running around whipped just to be my friend” I roll my eyes and, slid down the car trunk. K threw his head back and moaned in frustration. 

All I could do was laugh at him.

“Such a little brat” He hummed.

I threw out my trash and walked back to the car. K sat on the hood looking up in the sky.

“What are you thinking about,” I asked him.

“Do you ever think that there has to be more than life than this? I wanna be the biggest baddest thing in the world, Sash. I want this shit so fuckin bad” he sighed.

“You got yourself a manager from the burbs, that’s some serious shit. And you won the Apollo with an all-black crowd, and you’re white as hell” I giggled.

“I’m not white mane, don’t be saying that shit out loud” he laughed.

“You’ll get there Kells, I believe in you, but you gotta take me with you, out of this ghetto ass neighborhood. Maybe we can go to red lobster or something real fancy, and you’ll be so rich that you can just fuckin walk out not paying for shit and they wouldn’t say smack to you” I animated.

“That’ll be tight as hell, I hate paying for food, even if I’m rich I’m stealing from Walmart” he admitted with a snicker.

“Word, hittin’ lics up in that bitch, you’ll be the new Robin Hood” 

“I needa be Robbin Dabank” He smiled at me. I finally caught on.

“Man you funny today” I pushed him away. “C’mon I needa get back to school” I sighed. 

“Just when I thought I was finna take you back to my place” he got up from the hood of the car.

“You thought” I quipped.

“I get you food, pick you up in a car so you don’t walk, make you come-”

I interrupted him with my lips pecking his a few times.

“Okay I get it, next time I’ll see you I’ll make you come... to you senses boy now get in the fuckin car and take me to school” I rolled my eyes at him.

He sucked in his teeth.  

“You lucky you cute, cos girl I used to be a playa”

“And I’m the fuckin coach, so let's pay attention” I reminded him.

“Always gotta have the last fuckin word” he noted.

“If you listen to me, you’ll go places Kells” I patted his thigh and he squirmed in his seat as he started the car. I could play this game twice as hard, I could be the whole motherfuckin’ team. 

Once he dropped me off in the car loop, I heard the bell ring, signaling lunch was over. 

“Shit, I’m gonna be late” I reach in the back to get my books and bag. 

“Just tell them you were with your Daddy” he snickered. 

“You think you are so funny but hate to break it to you, you’re not” I rolled my eyes at him.

“Go to class with yo’ young ass” he sized the fuck out of me.

“Now I’m too young, remember that next time you try to kiss me” I quipped.

“Like this” K moved his lips closer to mine, maybe inch way from my lips. I faltered, not wanting to back down from our bickering match, but also completely terrified at how quickly this was moving. I thought we were friends, but here we were constantly crossing and crisscrossing these lines of friendship.

Kells leaped over it and pressed his lips on me, I let him. I wanted to feel his tongue brush up against mine. I liked this, more than like this, before you know I was sitting on top of his lap, grinding my hips onto his as he massaged my ass. I felt like those kids in the movies, making out in the car. The same drawn feeling I was buzzing off the day I met him came back with a sense of urgency. I could feel how wet I was.

I sat in a plaid skirt, my cotton panties drenched, I just wanted to take the pressure off that was building in between my legs.

“Kells, please help me” I moaned.

“Oh fuck yes baby, you sure” he whispered. I nodded.

The pads of his fingers pulled my panties to the side, and he found the ball of nerves, and rubbed my clitoris in a circle motion, gathering my around and spreading in between my swollen lips. I was making small noises that sounded like a tiny animal being tortured.

I gasped when I felt his finger thrust inside of me. I bit harder on K’s lip. K lifted me up and pushed me back a little so he could see his actions. When he added a second finger my hips buckled. 

“So tight” he whispered to himself. I closed my eyes as his ministrations went deeper and faster, making my pussy sound like a sponge.

My pussy was throbbing, I swear I could feel my heartbeat. I felt myself clench around his fingers as I moaned into his mouth. I lifted my self out of his lap and accidentally honked the horn in the car.

K starting laughing. I could feel his hard dick beneath my ass, as I hid in between his neck in laughter. 

“I think this was a bad idea. We can’t even act right for more than 2 seconds alone. From now on, we are friends, so stop trying to seduce me Colson” I reprimand him.

“How you get to cum and I don’t, and yet you are the one complaining” he shook his head and massaged my walls as I shudder at the tips of his fingers.

“K get your hands out of me, I’m too sensitive” I rolled my eyes

He pulled his fingers out of me, and the cream that came from my pussy coated his fore and middle finger. He played with the consistency and separated the two fingers, as my cum still connected them together.

He put both fingers in his mouth and swallowed my arousal. I watched him as I felt myself drool a little bit. 

“Sasha if you don’t get out of this car, I will fuck you, and you won’t have a say in it” he looked down at the mess I made in his lap.

He carefully kissed me, and dropped me back in my seat. 

I re-gathered my things, as I opened his car door K grabbed my hand.

“I forgot to give you this” he handed me something wrapped in a box. 

“You didn’t have to get me anything,” I said.

“I wanted to”

I opened up the gift, and it was a black sweatshirt that had an airbrushed Bratz doll that almost looked exactly like me, and on the back, it said my name and my birth year. 

“You made this... for me” 

“Do you like it” he bit his lip.

“I love it, how did you get the Bratz doll to look like me? This is amazing K, I love it”

I put on the oversized hoodie and it smells just like him.

I pull up the sleeve to see it has love Colson embroidered on to it. 

“This was really nice, I’m gonna sleep with this tonight” I smiled at him and hugged him.

“Don’t tell me stuff like that” He chuckled. I shoved him playfully like he didn’t just finger me.

“I want to stay with you today” I pouted.

“You are such a brat, go to class, graduating is important. I’ll see you later” he pecks my lips a few times before I get out the car. He smacks my butt as it jiggles. 

“You gotta stop wearing that skirt” he shakes his head.

“Happy Birthday, Sasha” he waved as I closed the door. He drove off and I still didn’t understand what just happened.

                                    ***********

My phone vibrated in my lap, I look up toward the chalkboard while the teacher gives her lesson. Attempting to be to incognito, I look at the text.

Kells: send me a lil sumn sumn so I can bust a nut real quick ;D

Me: No I’m in class rn.

Kells: c’mon gurl u can’t leave me blue 

Me: I’m ur friend rmber?

Kells: ur no fun

Kells: just playin witcha 

Kells: missin my homegurl

Me: U saw me last nite

Kells: not enuff

Kells: what r u wearin?

Me: nunyabizness

Kells: that lil plaid skirt ;)

Me: lol u stupid

Kells: I must be cos I finna still try for that date

Me: stop it K.

Kells: Imma send u sumn special

Me: boy if u send me ur pink dick im finna committ

Kells: Can’t wait to see u

Kells: Be ready, cos you skippin the rest of the day with me.

I couldn’t protest him, cos I knew I was already looking forward to seeing him. He was the best part of my day even if I hated to admit that.

The bell ring and I bit my lip contemplating, it was lunch, I could just leave for the rest of the day. No one would notice anyway.

Kells: I’m outside. Hurry up before security kicks me off campus

Me: Well maybe someone shouldn’t be handing their mixtapes to people

Kells: if you don’t A-S-K then you don’t G-E-T

Me: No wonder you won't give up on that date 

Kells: Talk all the shit now cos Imma get what I want

I slipped out of the cafeteria and into the courtyard. As I walked by a group of kids smoking and rolling dice.

I searched for K’s car until I landed on a lanky white kid standing on lunch table by the basketball court, I walked onto the scene, and as I predicted earlier this muthafucka was passing out his mixtape out to the kids crowding him.

“Yo play my songs muthafucka, I’m telling you, just listen, in your fuckin car, in ya momma’s house, at the barbershop, where you gotta do just bump my shit” he tried to pitch.

“Aight, I’ll be back with another tape” he dapped up some of his friends and finished giving out his mixtapes.

“You ready” his face lit up once he looked at me. I just nodded and laughed at him.

He grabbed my hand and started running to his car. Once we both got in he jumped me and kissed my lips and this time I let him. He pulled back.

“Sorry I had to do that” he rubbed my thigh.

“I’m gonna let you have your kisses but you're digging a deeper hole for yourself”

“I know exactly what hole I wanna be deep in right now” he muttered. I shoved his shoulder.

“We are friends” I corrected him. “I’ll make a deal with you right now, you get one kiss a day but you gotta stop flirting with me” I looked at him tryna see him contemplate his choices.

“You like me” He teased, I guess he made his choice, this man made his bed. I rolled my eyes. “I don’t know what I like more, kissing you or watchin’ you squirm every time I open my mouth,” he chuckled. I groaned I couldn’t make it stop.

“I’m just playing, c’mere for a second” he pulled me to his chest.

He kissed me again and this time it went on longer.

“That one didn’t count, I’m making up for the lost time,” he said and kissed me again. I was pulled into his trance. I couldn’t stop myself cos he made me feel so good, I could feel my pussy tingle. Who was I kidding, I was the one who dug the hole so deep I didn’t know which way was up, this rabbit hole kept changing and the more I let myself fall the further I felt from stopping whatever this was.

He was the one to pull back first and I could feel my eyes close and lips puckered still wanting more. I opened my eyes and I could see it in his face he knew I knew I was all in, that I liked him but I would never admit it to his face. Instead, he pecked my lips once more.

“You look so cute” he breathed, an admission more to himself than to me.

“Close your eyes, I have a surprise for you,” he said excitedly.

“I’m not falling for that K”

“Just fuckin do it, aight, stop being a little brat”

I closed my eyes. 

I heard him scrummage through his compartment on the passenger side, he closed it, and I felt him in my vicinity, hovering, I was laughing cos I knew he was fuckin with me. 

He pecked my lips once more. I groaned.

“Open your eyes” he laughed. In his hand was minute cards for my phone. I smiled and looked at him with a confused face.

“You say I run up all your minutes so here, I got you some cards that way you can call or text me, but only use it for me, cos I will shoot a muthafucka if they on your line, matter fact I will just break your phone, so that way you could only talk to me” He caressed the side of my face.

I laughed at him. This time I kissed him quickly on his cheek. “Thank you, Colson, this was really sweet of you.” I put the cards in my bag. I looked back at him to see the rosiness of his cheeks. My subconscious told me it was the cold air.

His hand slid into mine as he started his car.

Maybe he deserved that date, maybe I could allow myself to fall for him. I was afraid of becoming my mother as she was so blinded by love she neglected her own child, but I didn’t have the time to think about any of this because the closer I found myself getting to him, the better my life had become. I knew I wanted him and that was hard to admit, even to myself.

I was his friend and that was the most important to me.

                                   ***********

“Do you like this”? K nodded his head to beat of the song as he raised the volume because one of the speakers was broken.

I laughed, giddily, I liked seeing him in this space. He was so happy. I nodded with him. I sang along with his song, and he smiled at me. It was infectious. He paused the song and stared at me.

“What”? I looked to him.

He shook his head with a smile on his face and began messing with the levels. I looked around his room, his clothes scattered everywhere. I looked at his hand-writing that decorated the walls. The drawings, signatures, and quotes. It was as if they wanted to document the importance of their beginning.

I knew he was gonna make it, he worked so hard. He was white but he was just like any of us here, he wanted it to the day he died, he lived and breathed it. I wanted it just as bad for him.

“Yo Kells where ya at” Slim yelled from the door.

“Back here” K yelled back.

I heard Slim jog his way to the room.

He threw his jacket on to the bed.

“It’s cold as fuck outside, I swear the wind be calling me nigga” he shook his head like he was physically affected.

I busted out in laughter. 

“Why you laughin’ so hard” K looked at me hard.

“Why you tryna make me look stupid for” I snapped.

“You do that all by yourself” he shot back.

“Listen, watch yourself before you recks yourself” I sarcastically gave him a dry laugh.

“You always gotta have the last word huh”?

“Y’all married or something the way you going back and forth is tiring me the fuck out mane” Slim sighed.

“Shut the fuck up, I ain’t getting married to no hoe” he winked at me.

“Go get your friend Slim, cos he’s acting crazy” I sat on K’s bed real close to K as he sat by the computer.

“He’s your friend too” Slim shrugged his shoulders barely listening to our petty bickering as he scrolled through his flip phone.

I rolled my eyes.

“I know you had a white momma but I don’t be playing that shit, I’m not the one”

K turned to me.

“I ain’t give a fuck about what my momma said and I sure as hell ain’t finna listen to a bitch now, ya heard”

“Listen white boy don’t be acting hard around your friends cos I will embarrass you” without thinking I put my index finger on his head and lightly pushed his forehead.

He grabbed my hand and brought me close to him.

“Yo is this woman crazy” he looked at Slim cackling. “Are you fuckin crazy?” he asked me. “Don’t touch me if you ain’t tryna fight” his mean mug face turned into a smile.

I laughed in his face and pulled my arm back. I stood up.

“I can take you in the paint all day motherfucker, I was raised to be no bitch, I ain’t afraid to get hit” I stood tall with my hand on my hip trying hard not to smile.

I don’t know what happened next but all of a sudden K and me were play fighting around the room. K had me in a position where I was on all four and started slapping my ass cheeks hard, I could tell he was finna leave at handprint. 

“Y’all so fuckin ghetto I swear” I heard Slim ignore us with a stank ass face.

“K stop you’re hurting me” I pretended. 

“You gonna stop talking out your ass with your slick mouth?” he asked. 

I loosened his grip and straddled his waist and pinned his arms.

“I win dumb bitch” I make sure to enunciate how much of a bitch he is.

“How’d you know I ain’t let you win cos I just wanted you on top of me” he gleamed proudly.

“Your such a fuckin sore loser” I pushed his chest.

“Bitch I just had YOU pinned, the fuck you talkin’ bout,” he said exasperated.

I rolled my eyes.

K tossed us over, where he hovered me and pinned my hips and wrists down.

He lowered his lips to my ear. “What’s so funny is that I could fuck you right here and I know you wouldn’t want me to stop” He licked the inner shell of my ear and bit roughly on the cartilage, my body involuntarily shuddered in reaction. I gulped I ain’t know what to say back so I ignored him.

I pushed his face away from mine. “Eww get off of me bruh, you’re breath hot”.

“Give me a kiss” he breathed.

“No, you don’t deserve one” I stuck out my tongue. Which he tried to bite. This man was really crazy.

“Pleaseeee” He drew his bottom lip out.

“Slim please help me, get him off of me” I sighed.

Kells tried to kiss me and I screamed in laughter. 

“Get off of me fool, you be playing too much, c’mon yo” I tried to sound irritated but I was smiling too hard. 

I was able to get away from him and run, and he chased me around the house, Ashleigh started yelling at us to calm down. I got a broomstick to hit him with and he was laughing at me because I was making karate noses.

I ran away from him. I ran back to the room where Slim was at. 

“Yo make him stop”

“You gotta kiss him,” he said nonchalantly still staring at his phone

K came into the room as I hid behind Slim as I giggled out of breath.

“Yo hold her down for me” K demanded Slim.

“He wouldn’t do that to me” I protested.

K laughed at me in hysterics.

“Slim get her for me man” he yelled.

Slim locked both my arms.

“You have no loyalty Slim, fuck you” I wriggle my legs. Slim bellowed in laughter behind me, once K got a hold of me, Slim let go and sat on the chair by the computer, making a disgusted face at us. 

K inched closer and laid his lips on my belly button. I flinched a little, as he playfully kissed all the way up until he reached my lips. He gave me a juicy wet plump kiss that I did not respond to. 

“I can’t take y’all asses out nowhere” Slim laughed.

Once K let go of my arms, I got up to smack the back of his head.

“You play too much” I laughed tryna catch my breath.

“You just mad because I won” he quickly lit up once he realized something “Or did you let me win cos you wanted that kiss too” he proudly concocted.

I gave him the coldest side-eye as I scrunched up my face. Instead of responding to him I threw a pillow at his face that smacked him and his giraffe ass neck hard. 

“You are mad delusional” I shut down.

Maybe he was right.

                                   ***********

I entered K’s car and I felt my eyes light up.  

I missed you today, you barely texted me, I thought to myself. 

I threw my backpack in the backseat. I settled down in the seat, I rolled my neck and closed my eyes as I cracked the knots out of my spine. I opened my eyes to look at Kells, he was unusually quiet, I wondered why he was so distracted.

“Why you so quiet all of sudden, you don’t know how to say hi to nobody” I had a smirk on my face. And he just beamed from ear to ear, you could see his dimples when he smiled so hard.

“What?... Why are you staring at me like that? Is there something on my face” I pulled the compact mirror open and looked at my face to see if anything was wrong. Nothing I could see. Mmhmm white boys act weird. I shrugged.

K smiled to himself, he seemed happy and relaxed.

“Are you high are something? Hello, earth to Colson” I waved in his face as he drove. He maneuvered his eyes to the road while he was laughing at me.

“You said you missed me today” he couldn’t hold back his shit-eating grin. I rolled my eyes. 

“I didn’t say that”

“Yes, you did. You liiiiiike me” He teased. He stopped at a red light and turned to me.

“Sasha all you have to do is let go, you know you want me, just admit girl, you think I’m a tall fine glass of white chocolate milk” he licked his lips.

I busted out laughing cos he was such a fool.

“Keep dreaming” I laughed at him.

“Only if you’re there, giving me top” He looked at me. I shoved him.

He threw his hands all over my body and decided to tickle me, I screamed in protest. “You liiiiiike me” he kept repeating like a broken record.

It wasn’t until the car behind him honked. “The light is green” I yelled in laughter to get his attention.

He let off the brake and drove the car, “Oops”. The car that was behind pulled up next to us to yell in our direction. Kells stuck up his middle finger and yelled, “yo shut the fuck up, bitch ass muthafucka” They both stopped at the next red light. The car kept pushing K’s patience. K looked visibly mad, he rolled down my window and started cussing the man out. I wasn’t able to make out what the man said, but it stopped K in his tracks as if all the blood drained from his skin. K no longer looked liked himself, he looked like he was about to kill someone.

K pulled open the glove compartment and grabbed his glock and tucked into his underwear. 

I was mad as hell at Kells, why the fuck would he let a stranger take him out of character. Why waste your energy being mad about some ignorant ass fool. I had my arms crossed. 

“Aye yo cracker, keep talking, I promise you I’ll kill a mf before I let you disrespect my girl,” The guy said something to piss off Kells. Kells threw the car in park and hopped as I yelled at him to get his ass back in the car. As K walked up to this man's car, K lifted his shirt showing the butt of his gun tucked into his boxers. Before K could fully reach the car, the escalade sped off into on-coming traffic. Kells yelled after the car.

“Get back in the car” I hissed at him.

“Why are you upset, I was defending us, he called me an n-word lover, he kept throwing around slurs, said we were hoodrats, nobody gonna say that to you in front of me, ever” He was visibly upset once he was in the car, even more, cars were honking at us.

He was yelling at everyone who passed us to shut the fuck up. He didn’t give a fuck that the light was green, he untucked his .40 and put it in the glove compartment wrapped in a gym shirt. I looked at him incredulously.

“Were you about to shoot him or something?” I say in shock.

“Nah I was gonna scare him tho” He laughed. “Show him how hood I truly am, I proud of the stripes I’ve earned, these are my roots baby”

“Muthafucka, don’t ever pull that ghetto ass shit out here, you heard, you would’ve gone to jail, are you dumb?”

“I’ve been to prison, I ain’t really care” He shrugged. I was visibly upset. Our good mood quickly ruined. 

K’s hands gripped the steering wheel and his veins and muscles flexed while we sat in silence as he drove.

“I’m sorry when I’m mad I can’t see straight” He laughed it off.

“You shouldn’t put yourself in the way to get hurt like that, you never know who you are dealing with, I just want you to be safe,” I said looking out the window. His hand fell into mine and he brought my hand to his mouth and placed a kiss onto the inside of my palm.

“You care about me” he looked. I rolled my eyes. 

“Well we’re are friends, I don’t want you to go to jail,” I said in a small voice.

“I’m not, you ain’t got nothing to worry about. I will never leave you”

We sat in silence again. I felt him staring at me.

“What” I glanced at him with my side peripherals. He shook his head while cheesing hard.

“You liiiiiiikeeee me” he giggled. 

This time I couldn’t deny him. I just laughed with him.

“Yeah so, what are you gonna do about that” I stuck my tongue out at him. I also turn my neck to him. “I can’t believe you called another white person a cracker, K. You one too” I shook my head in a burst of laughter.

I could see through my peripherals he was laughing, he was truly bi-polar. “Keep laughing at me, and we’ll see where that will get you” he warned but couldn’t keep a serious composure. His smile was carved into his cheeks. 

“You liiiiike me too” I poke at his side. Kells for the first time giggles at me. This was good for us. 

                                   ***********

I heard my apartment buzzer go off. I wasn’t expecting anyone over. I just got out the shower, was cleaning up the place before I started some homework. I was just in a big t-shirt and underway. I answered the buzzer. “Who is it?”

“It’s K. I wanted to see you, let me up” 

I buzzed him in. I waited until he got to my floor. I heard the knock. I unlocked the door and seeing him was a breath of fresh air. He looked so good in a sean john sweatsuit and with some black air force ones.

He hugged me like he just didn’t just see me less than 24 hours.

I closed the door behind him.

“What’s up, you can’t breathe without me?” I laughed.

He let go of me and gave me a warm smile. “I just wanted to see you, there is no place I wanted to be, I was feeling off today, I know you’d make me feel better”

“Why are you feeling off today”

“My father” He rolled his eyes.

“You still live with him, I thought you moved in with Slim”

“Not officially. I just sleep at their crib to avoid fighting with my Dad, he’s aggy because he just found about all of my tattoos, so he’s been bitching at me every time he sees me. He wanted me to go to college and shit but that ain’t for me” he unzipped his jacket and was stripped down to a black wife beater. 

“I gotta make sure he is actually eating from time to time so I give him whatever money I can spare and put some food in the fridge, he’ll just drink his Kettle 1 vodka” he rambled off.

He massages his forehead and ages about five years.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with that” I massage his shoulder. No kid should have to parent their own mom or dad. I’d know cos I spent years doing just that.

“Sometimes I wish I came from a normal family, I just wanted him to love me, accept me for me, be proud of me no matter what, but no matter what I am, he’ll just resent me, I look just like her”

“Your mom” I infer and he nods.

I hug him and kiss his forehead. 

“Your mom is stupid for leaving you. You are the best thing to ever happen to me, and for her to walk out on you says nothing about you and everything about her, you hear me, it’s not your fault, that they treated you the way they did. I’m sure they love you in their own way, but they can’t love you how you need to be loved, and it’s their loss not to know you or want you in their life. You are the most resilient, persistent, loyal, caring person I know, you are fearless and you don’t care what anyone thinks of you, you are authentically yourself, you will  protect your family, Slim, Ashleigh, Dre, Dub, Irv no questions asked, you love people with everything that you are, even though you hide it, I see you, Colson, I know you will be great and do great, I know one day you’ll forgive them for hurting you cos that’s just the type of person you are, don’t forget that you are 100 fucking thousand percent better than them, you are the best thing they ever did and their gonna leave this world with regret cos they didn’t know that from day 1”

He rests his face inside the crook of my neck. I feel the moist wetness against my skin and realize it's his tears falling onto my neck, I just hug him tight, afraid that he will wither away in my arms. 

“You are worthy and loved, you are self-deserving, and you know what I love you, I care about you, you are my friend, you will always have me by your side. You can always sleep here, if you ever need a place to stay, always, no matter what, I’ll help you, come to me and you won’t have to worry about a thing” I whisper into his ear.

He leans on me. I could see him pull away from me and rub his swollen red eyes. I never have seen him cry, but I know how hard it hurts to not feel wanted by the people who were supposed to unconditionally love you.

I bring him into my room and lay him down onto my bed, I tuck us under the covers. I wrap around his frame from the back, and rub his scalp, trying to soothe him to sleep.

I feel him unravel us and he turns to me and puts his head in between my chest, and we cuddle together, locked.

His eyes are closed, I can see the young boy under all the hard exterior he masquerades with during the day.

My eyes are closed, drifting off to sleep as he rubs my thigh. 

“Sasha,” he says quietly

“Mmm,” I say completely relaxed.

“I don’t know what’s gonna happen to us but promise me that you’ll be my friend no matter what. I can’t lose you, you forgot that you’re part of my family now, no way I’m gonna give you up” his eyes pierced my own. His forehead an inch from mine.

“I prom” I search his eyes.

“You what” he looks confused.

“I prom... a half promise” a smile slowly inches on to my face, he realizes I’m fucking with him.

I feel him shake in my arms and his laughter bubbles from his stomach.

I laugh along with him. I look down at his face to see him grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

“I needed that laugh” he holds his stomach. 

I wrap my pinky around his and repeat “prom”. I smile at our inside joke.

“Yeah, prom” he squeezes my pinky. He pats his pockets“I got you something”

He sits up and pats his pocket and pulls out a gold plated necklace, the C initial twirls on the necklace. I look into his eyes, confused. 

“Did you spend your money on that” I gasped.

“I guess you could say that my boy had the hook-up, it’s real gold too, so it won’t make ya neck green” he traced my neck while he spoke.

“C’mere” he motioned. I get up from the pillows and lean my back into his chest. I could see us in the mirror on the closet doors. His hand hovers over my skin, he wraps the necklace around my neck and threads the clasp through the hole. He adjusts and reaches over my shoulder to touch the “C” as it rests in the middle of my breastplate. He gently presses his lips against my neck but I don’t stop him just yet. He trails his mouth through the crevices of my neck until he finds my sweet spot, I give it away so easily cos my body shudders under his. I could feel the stupid grin he always had when he knew he affected me in some way.

He pushes me onto my back and continues to suck my neck, I can’t stop this feeling, cos it feels good. I don’t care. It couldn’t go further than this, once he starts to bite the skin of my neck, his hands start to fill my body up, under my oversized shirt, his fingers pad my torso as I flinch at the cooling sensation, and then his hands come to my breasts, palming my hardening nipples. 

The shirt suddenly becomes too hot, so I lift it off my breast so he can have better access.

He twists my nipple between his forefinger and thumbs, tightening and pulling it, and I feel my pussy lips moisten with arousal, this was so familiar, it felt so good.

If I let this get too far I don’t know if I could ever go back, the thoughts are erased when K puts his mouth on my nipple and sucks the skin into his mouth. He teethes and bites at my nipple, my hips buckle to his. I need more, I want more. K gave me this hunger, I never had, never wanted but I wanted it with him. I look down at what he was doing, I saw the bruises he left all over my left breast and, his head of golden hair nipped at my right breast, attacking the whole area.

I realize what K was doing, he was marking me, he marked my neck with his mouth and his initial. He knew what he was doing. 

He removes my shirt and his shirt follows. His tattooed skin pressed up against my dark skin contrast together. I liked feeling his muscles against my nipples as he swallowed my tongue. I felt the familiar tingle reach my pussy, as my walls contracted, the need to be satiated pushed me over the edge, K pads his fingers against my smooth skin, and grab on my ass. Massaging my hips and thighs, I hear the waistband to my panties snap onto my skin, leaving me to buck away, the sensations were overpowering my decision, it was all so tempting.

“Let me make you feel good, I just wanna taste you. Let me show you how you make me feel, let me treat you like you deserve to be treated” K moaned into my mouth. His kissed trailed, he stopped at my nipple and decided to swivel his tongue around the surface, tracing each goosebump.

“It’ll be just like the first night, if you don’t like it I’ll stop” he begged.

Soon K opened my legs, I could feel the wetness pool between my legs. 

His face sat right in between, I felt a familiar pit in my stomach, I wanted it all to go away, for it to stop. I was scared. I felt bad and guilty, I didn’t know what to do. I felt too raw, too vulnerable. He deserved someone better than me, someone, that wouldn’t constantly reject him.

I covered my face in embarrassment. “Colson, I’m sorry, I can’t, I want to but... not today” I whispered. His face turned red, realizing that I was pulling away.

“What’s the matter, baby girl, is this too fast” He sat up and tried to pull my hands out my face.

He laid by me as I laid into him. “I can’t tell you, you’ll just end up hating me” I sighed.

He didn’t respond, he handed me my shirt, and helped me put it on. He kissed my lips, and hugged me to his chest, I felt safe again. “I’m sorry” I whispered into his chest. I wiped away a couple of small tears cos I didn’t want him to notice. He should have forgotten me cos I knew I wouldn’t be the girl he wanted.

                                   ***********

I was in my room, braiding my hair, I heard the key turn at the entrance door, I heard K’s tread walk in and lock up.

I knew K was coming over later tonight, I texted him that my brother was out of town this week and I didn’t want to be alone. He agreed to stay with me.

“Sash” His voice thick and deep.

“Back here, in my room”

I sat in the mirror finishing the two braids, and tying my satin wrap around my head, I looked in the mirror trying to adjust the satin the right way. My door flew open as I tied the know. It took me to register K behind me, I snapped my neck and gasped in shock and disbelief.

“Who the fuck did this to you?” I yelled.

He was covered in bruises and his whole face was bruised and bloody.

“Are you street fighting for money?” I turned my head. 

He shook.

“You got jumped?” 

He shook his head, his shaggy hair falling in front of his busted eyebrow and swollen eye.

I sat him on my bed, and held his hand into mine, trying to search his face and demeanor for the truth.

“It was your father, Colson, he did this” I demanded.

I choked back a sob. I never wanted to see him this, I prayed that he wouldn’t have to go through this. 

“He and I got into a fight, I said a few things about my mom leaving him and he decided to swing, I didn’t stop him. He hadn’t touched me in a while. I thought I was too old to get my ass beat by him, but I guess he wanted me to know how much he hates me” he laughed darkly.

I stare back at him, upset, trying to understand why his father could beat the living shit out of his 19-year-old son. K was a hustler, a fighter, he was always strong, but I knew he was too raw tonight, he felt exposed, and was laughing to hide these feelings of abandonment and lack of self-worth.

His laughter soon turned into sobs. I was holding a little broken boy in my lap, trying to piece back the shards. 

“I’m here” is all I whispered into his ear. His tears soaked my swimming Cavalier XXL shirt. 

I pulled him into my bathroom flicked the light open, I sat him down on the toilet seat. 

I got a first aid kit and began to clean the gashes. The blood wouldn’t stop pooling. 

“I think we should get you to the hospital” I stared at him.

“I don’t have health insurance”

“K you might need stitches or something, your hands are too swollen and your nose looks uneven” I sighed and tried to quickly think. I run into my room and grab my phone. My brother had some contacts: someone who could do this under the table, for a reasonable price.

I called in, they answered the phone. “It’s Sasha, Tre’s little sister” I paused and look a K. “I need to see you, it’s an emergency”. I hang up the phone.

I looked at K and motioned to his coat “grab your coat, c’mon”. I rummaged through my closet and opened up a shoebox. I pulled out the stacks of money tied to rubber bands. I grabbed 1, knowing that there were 100 bills of 100 dollars. 

K looked at me in shock. “We’ll talk about it later” I grabbed my brother’s keys on the hook, a car he didn’t use because it was old, it was a car to look normal in, a 90′s beamer he got at a junkyard, and had his boys fix it up.

The elevator door took us to the parking garage. I hurried K and opened the car. He sat in the passenger seat, holding an ice pack wrapped in a washcloth to the upper eyebrow where he needed stitches. 

“You know how to drive,” he asked. 

“Not really” I looked at him with a wince. “Just relax, it's not that far, I used to drive my brother all the time” I smiled at him trying to calm him. 

I back the car up jerkily, trying to find my bearing in the car, pressing on the brakes too often. 

“Sorry,” I said to K hoping I didn’t hurt his body. 

“I can drive,” he said to me. 

“Just relax baby, Imma take care of this”

I put my foot on the pedal as soon as the parking garage opened enough to let me fit the car through the exit. I wobbly drive to my destination. 

I end up turning on 19th street and pulling over into what looks like an abandoned building. Once we walk through the back door and go further in, we go down a flight of stairs into a lit room with plastic sheets covering the entrance and a man guarding the area. 

He recognizes me “Sasha” he greets and he motions us to a room and points.

We sit in the room and wait, a black woman comes into the room shortly, my brother’s ex-girlfriend. 

I hug her immediately. “Hey, what happened here” she looked at K.

“He’s my friend, Jada, umm I don’t know what to do” I cry to her. She looks at me and K, then to me again. 

“Your brother knows you’re here,” she asks. I shake my head. 

“Of course” She quips, she begins to work on K.  She cleans up his cuts first and disinfects the area. She begins to stitch his eyebrow and his cheekbones.

“I need to reset your nose” she walked over to him. “Stay still, breathe in when I count down to three,” she said efficiently. 

I closed my eyes and held his hand like I was the one getting the adjustment. At three he squeezed my hand, I heard him whimper and huge crack sounded. 

“Almost done” she comforted. A few more cracks and then she moved on to his fingers, and adjusted the broken fingers, and bandaged them together putting a splint on.

“I’m gonna give you some Oxycodone, take as needed, it’s on the bottle. Make sure you ice you’re injuries and clean your cuts in the morning and before you got to bed, the stitches fall out by themselves”

“Thanks” Kells responded exhausted as his shoulders slumped forward and Jada handed him the pill bottle.

“Sasha can I speak with you for a second” she motioned outside the room.

I nodded, I looked at K. “Imma be back”, I followed her outside.

Once we were far away enough so K couldn’t hear us she began.

“What happened to him, you better not be dealing with someone who is working for your brother” she reprimanded.

“Why do you care, you left us, you’re not my mother, I’m not your concern anymore” I snapped.  I looked at her hurt face. I know my brother cheated on her to the point where she had enough, it was never her fault. “I’m sorry, that’s insensitive of me” 

“It’s okay Sasha, I’m sorry I stopped speaking to you, I had to move on and love your brother from afar, it had nothing to do with you, I hope you understand. But that doesn’t take away from the fact this man is dangerous and can hurt you. I want that best for you, I will always care about you no matter what” she rubbed my shoulder. I tensed up a little.

“It’s not like that, his father did that to him, he had nowhere else to go, I didn’t want to embarrass him in front of you”

Jada stood there in shock. I closed my eyes for a second and began to cry all over again. 

“I’m scared for him, to go back to that house. He will eventually die”. I sobbed into her chest. 

She hugged me into her warmth and soothed me into I stopped. 

“Girl you gotta be strong, for him. He needs you. Don’t worry about the money. I’m always gonna help you, you’re like my little sister. Get home safe. I have to get to my other patients” She smiled at me and wiped my tears. 

“I’m a phone call away” she reminded and I watched her walk away from me.

I walked into the room K’s was in, watching him nod off to sleep.

“Colson, let’s go home” I reach for his hand, he grabs mine and we head to the car. I help him as he puts some of his weight on me, trying to carry his body to the car. 

Once we settled, I start the car and look to see if he is okay. He looks at me all loopy, faintly smiling. “What?” I ask him.

“You like me a lot” he mused. 

“Yeah, I do” I admitted. He nodded off before he could respond.

He was gonna make my life hell but in a good way. 

                                   ***********

“BAKER” I yelled from my room, I picked up one of his dirty under-wears from the bathroom floor. I was cleaning up the house, and this muthafucka was laid up rolling blunts on the coffee table watching tv.

“Why the fuck you screaming for? ” He yelled over the TV.

I walked into the living room, hand on hip. I squint my eyes at him. 

“You leave your shit all over the place, I’m not your fuckin maid, is this a hotel to you” I rolled my eyes.

“I’m letting it air dry before I put it in the wash” he gave me a shit-eating grin.

I sucked in my teeth. I mimicked him. “I’m letting it air dry” I made a face.

“You think you are so fuckin smart, but you ain’t” I snatched his blunt from his hand and drew some smoke out as it burned. 

“Why you so sexy when you mad” Kells drank me in. I blew smoke into his face.

“This ain’t cute, Saturday mornings we clean in this house, I know you raised by white people but this ain’t gonna fly up in my house” I threw his wet underwear at him and dropped the blunt on the ashtray, and ran away from him into the back of my room. 

“You gonna get it” I heard him yell from the living room. He caught up to me and lifted me on his shoulder and threw me onto the bed. I laughed at him trying to escape but I could get out from underneath him.

He put his whole weight on me as he collapsed onto me.

“C’mon K I don’t have time for this right now”

“You were supposed to take care of me like a sexy nurse,” he said against my lips.

“It’s been three weeks, you are practically healed” I groaned.

“Show me some love mama” he kissed me in the crevice of my neck.

“Are you gonna help me clean after?”

“I’m finna clean you cos after I’m done you’ll be so dirty” his breath hit my neck.

I laughed hard and tried to push him off of me. 

“You so corny, get off of me” I laughed.

He flipped us over so that way I straddled his waist. 

“You’re so pretty, I don’t know how I got you to give me a chance, baddest bitch I’ve ever seen. Period”

I hid my face in his chest. 

“Don’t hide from me” he lifted me. I laid on his side as he turned over to face me. His thumb caressed my bottom lip, and he pressed his lips to mine, and he sucked on my bottom lip. He bit me a little and released it. 

I looked at his now swollen pink lips and studied his face until I flitted up to meet his eyes. 

“You like me” He teased. 

“You’re my best friend” I smiled at him. K’s fingertips traced my thigh. 

“Best friends don’t kiss” he pointed out.

“I didn’t start that” I tossed back.

“But you didn’t stop either” he looked at me knowingly. “just admit it already”.

“Admit what,” I said nonchalantly.

“That you want me” He bored into my eyes, refusing to change the subject or look elsewhere, and under his gaze, I squirmed. He sucked his teeth.

“You so innocent, and so pretty when you are nervous” he smiled at me.

I didn’t know what to say to him, I mean he proved how loyal and how much he cared about me as a friend and woman. He was everything that scared me. For someone who’ve been through so much, someone who continued to make everyone else laugh and not worry about their own baggage, someone who cared and rode hard for people no matter what, K was a big softie under his hard exterior, he was so sensitive. He deserved someone to give him all his love, someone who gave him 100%, who could love whole, and not have demons hiding in the closet. 

I don’t want to fuck this up. 

“Why would you” he responded, “You said you didn’t want to fuck this up... what do you mean” he persisted. I didn’t mean to say it out loud.

“I just don’t want to disappoint you and I don’t want you to leave me, you have no idea how much you mean to me as friend K. I love you and I know you want more. I do like you... it’s just...”

I start to cry.

“Why you crying, baby, don’t cry for me. You are so pretty when you cry” he wiped away my tears. I laugh at him talking to me in a different voice that he would never use in front of anyone else.

“Listen to me, I don’t know what’s not clicking inside that big ass head of yours, but I ain’t leaving” He kisses me hard on the mouth, I kissed him back. He pulled away. “Plus you got that good cable here, why the fuck would I leave when I have this place and maid who cleans after me” he laughed. I shoved his shoulder.

“You really ain’t shit” I sit up. “Having me get all emotional, fuck you” I laugh. I hit the back of his head.

He was looking at me all stupid. I mean mug the fuck out him, “What?” I tie my hair up in a ponytail.

“I’m so fucked cos... you... you...” he couldn’t get the words out his mouth, he looked at me searching for something... anything. “when I met you that night, I felt something, I ain’t talking bout my dick, I haven’t felt this way bout a bitch ever in my life, girl. You special to me. I don’t know what to call it, but you mine”

He took my hands in his and intertwined our fingers together.

He kissed me softly.

“I love your big juicy lips” he assaulted me with kisses and I laughed cos he didn't stop. He snaked his hand down my stomach and cupped my vagina, “and I’m tryna feel these tonight” he laughed.

“Why always gotta ruin the mood” he wouldn't stop kissing me, now I was all out of breath. “Yo K I can’t breathe” I try pushing him away. 

He backed off and snuggled his head into my boobs. I played with his hair. 

“When I make it big, we ain’t gonna have to worry about shit”

“Oh, so I’m gonna be there with you” I hummed.

“You my bitch, of course, you’ll be there” he nudged.

“Friend, K, friend” I corrected him.

“Yeah whatever you say, big head” he laughed. 

“My head is not that big” I stared at him incredulously.

                                   ***********

“This is the price I gotta pay, you know I have to protect you, you my baby sister. No one can know I love you. Why do you think I go through hoops, I go through to protect you, to take care of you” my brother explained. 

“You are getting older now, I’m always gonna take care of you when I’m alive, but I can’t keep living with you anymore it’s not safe, think of it as a dorm, you are getting older, you’re 16″ He tried to calm me down, but I was too emotional. I didn’t take change very well.

It felt like he was leaving me but I knew that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that he was one of the top distributors of cocaine, and this was the life he built for us and it’s not like he could walk away. He didn’t want to. 

“You know I love you, sis. Imma visit real soon. I’m just caught up right now. Aight” in the distance I heard loud people talking and my brother pulled away from the receiver. “AYE AYE, Don’t you see I’m on the fucking phone” he kept yelling at them and there was a gunshot and then silence, he came back to the mic. “Yo sis, I gotta go, gotta get some bitches to clean up a mess. I call you. Stay safe”  He hung up.

I should be celebrating, any person my age would love this predicament, but I had shit to worry about, different responsibilities. You grow up quickly when you exposed to this hard ass life. I was quiet in my suffering because I was ashamed. How do you tell people what you been through without them pitying you or treating you differently? I don’t need that shit.

I heard the door unlock and K walk in with another bruise on his cheekbone.

I go to hug him tight. “What’s wrong” he squeezes me back.

“My brother is not coming back. I live here by myself now” I look at him.

“But he hasn’t been here for a while, even when he lived in the 216″ he pointed out.

“Yeah, but its official, he didn’t even tell me that he was thinking about doing it until he already did it” I pouted.

“You a lil brat, you know that” He kissed my lips.  I dismissed his insult as I rolled my eyes.

“You ate yet” I questioned. He nodded. 

“Are you hungry, I made food earlier. You look like you are losing weight. I don’t know how that is possible” I pinch his side.

He sits at the table, I make him a plate of food. I serve him and place the plate on the table, he rubs his hands. “This looks good baby” his smile reaches the hollowness of his cheeks. I hand him a fork. The colder months really affected white people.

I sit down next to him and start doing some homework.

He shovels the rice and beans in his mouth, and on the other hand, he grabs the jerk chicken leg bitting the meat and skin. 

“Yo, what is this” He picks up a sweet plantain with his fork.

“Eat it... it tastes good,” I said to him. 

“Mhmm, this shit tastes exquisite,” he said through a mouth full of food.

“You reading a dictionary or something” I laugh at him. It was pretty silent as I concentrated on my assignment. He went back to get seconds.

“Damn you must have been hungry,” I said to him. “Why did you tell me you ate already”. I got some juice from the fridge and handed K a Heineken. 

Colson stopped his movements. “I didn’t want to put this shit on you”

“You can never put anything on me, I’m your friend. I will always be there for you, always help you.”  I rubbed his side.

“What happened” I gently murmured. 

“There is nothing to eat” his forehead scrunches up. “My dad spends everything on alcohol. I buy him groceries, so I don’t want to eat that food or else this muthafucka would die. I have nothing left for me after I help with rent” 

I rub his arm, my face must look so fuckin sad, cos I was hurting for him. Why didn’t he ever tell me?

“I’ve been eating when I can, but I go without eating most days, just be sleeping on my break” 

“I would have helped you, why were you spending your money on me? My brother gives me cash and I can’t put it all into the bank”

“I don’t want you to waste your money on me, I should be the one taking care of you” he sucks his teeth.

“I wouldn’t even notice. I have money, money, in cash.” I put my hand on my hip.

“But it’s yours, and not mine” he sucked his teeth. I rolled my eyes. 

“K what’s not clicking? I’m taking care of you. If you need money, I’ll give you it. Please don’t tell me you aren’t eating, I always have food in the house, this shit is yours okay.” I turn him to me and wrap my arms around his waist and his upper body cascades on me.

“It’s not embarrassing either, remember how you told me I don’t have to be alone anymore, that goes for you too. We are in this together, you are not a burden to me. Let me be there for you too” 

He kissed my lips. “Thank you”

“Damn that jerk chicken was spicy” I tasted on his lips. He laughed. 

“What you think I can’t handle things that are hot” He kissed me again. He pulled back. “I think I’m hungry for something else”.

“That I can’t help you with. Finish your food and maybe I’ll think about it” I walk away from him and he slaps my ass. 

“Colson, that hurt” I roll my eyes.

“That’s the point”.

                                   ***********

I opened the apartment door with my books in hand, to see a dark figure on the couch. My heart stopped, I flipped the light to see I wasn’t tripping, the illuminations filled in the shadows and silhouette of the figure. 

I recognized the shape as Kells, who was sleeping.  I held my chest and calmed down, and I sat my bag on the kitchen table. I finished getting ready for bed.

I took a shower, braided my hair down and put on my bonnet and threw on huge t-shirt.

I padded my way to K who was still sleeping. I shook him awake. His eyes squinted, trying to register his surroundings. 

“I didn’t know you were coming” I grabbed his hand and led him to my bed.

He pulled me to his chest, and cradled my head, giving me a peck on the lips. He embraced me with his warmth, snuggling into the crevice of my neck. “Where were you” he hummed into my neck. 

“Library, I was studying” I pulled away from him and closed the door to my room.

He exhaustedly removed his layers of clothes, so that he was left in nothing but his boxers.

We climbed under the covers, I inched closer to him and nested my head under his. His long arms circled my waist. He pulled me closer, I turned my body to face him, my hand rested on his chest. I studied his face. He looked strained, confused, and sullen. He was hiding his true feelings from me. I knew it. 

Something had to happen for him to come here when he knew I wouldn’t be back til later. 

“You got into it with your pops again” I break his silence. He growls.

“I don’t wanna talk about it right now” he grumbled.

“You don’t have to go through this shit alone anymore K” my hand found his cheek, as I moved my thumb against his soft skin. “I know how hard this is for you, but you’ll kill yourself holding it in” his eyes squeezed in pain. I rubbed his arm gently, trying to comfort him, remind him that I wasn’t going anywhere.

“He........ uh..... kicked me out....” he whispered almost like he didn’t want let go of the words coming from his mouth.

I sat in silence. He must be hurting about it, he essentially had no place to call home, but I rather him live with me, then be by himself. I hope he knows that he’ll always have a place to stay here.

“I’ve been officially staying with Slim and Ash, bouncing from couch to couch” he couldn’t finish because I sat up and cut him off.

“Wait this didn’t happen today, why didn’t you tell me? When did he do this?” I look upset. I turn the light on, so I can see his face better.

“I don’t know, I already told you about me starving. I just... didn’t want you to feel like you have to help, I get it... I’m a lot, bad shit is always happening to me as soon as I walk out the fucking house” he looked at me with his dark circled eyes. “A muthafucka can’t catch a goddam break, it’s like I breathe and people tryna suffocate me, my own parents don’t want shit to do with me, all I did was love them and they hate me for existing, like I asked to be here, what’s the fucking point of even being here anymore” he picked up my alarm clock on the nightstand, yanked it out of the outlet and threw it at the wall. I jumped at the loud crash it made, while it shattered in different pieces. 

He sat up fully in bed and with his back turned to me and legs hanging off the bed. His head bowed as his arms supported his crouched back. I was hesitant to touch him, I didn’t know what to say, I realized I was crying. My heart broke for him. I understood more than anybody, I was hurt but at least I had my brother. K had no one to support him, love him unconditionally, to tell him that everything is going to be okay. He had to find that himself. He had to go out and fend for himself, and try to survive or die trying. 

I threw my arms around his shoulders, kissing his neck. His tense muscles relaxed as he felt my breath on his skin. I started murmuring things like “I want you here”, “you are loved”, and “I’m here, it's okay”. I tried to help him. I hope these words got through to him. But I knew it wouldn’t fix anything. 

I knew I loved him and it’s because I wanted to save him. I wanted to make him happy. I wanted him to heal from these emotional scars. 

What scared me was that I wasn’t going to be enough for him, that I would try and he wouldn’t be saved. These dark thoughts would plague when he was alone when I wasn’t there to chase them away. I knew the death wish that was coursing through his mind, I was plagued by the same demons. I didn’t want this to end in me walking into his lifeless body, cos this life had that in store for the both us. 

Either we die here or get the fuck out.

How could I take his pain away? 

I prayed that we both made it out of here alive. 

“You are staying here with me. Tomorrow you and me are getting the rest of your shit out that house. I don’t give a fuck if I have to shoot the man. You heard” 

K darkly chuckled. He kissed the inside of my palm. He leaned back, I unwrapped my arms around me and scooted over back to my side of the bed. 

He turned and got back to lie down on the bed. Once he got comfortable, he opened his arms to motion me to come back to him. I laid my head on to his chest I felt him kiss the top of my head and his hand rested on my ass, gently massaging that area. He tapped my thigh, I moved it on top of him as he got closer to me. I inched closer to his body heat, I traced my fingertips on his chest.

“C’mere” his low voice rasped. I moved my head to look at him. He silently tapped his lips. I pressed mine on to his softly. I pulled back to look at him, I could see him smile under his hard exterior. 

He pushed my head down to his lips, as he began to kiss me harder, pulling my lips apart with his tongue, massaging the surface of my own. I began to feel the familiar hunger and pull in between my legs. I knew I had to stop. I leaned away from him.

K sighed a little and then laughed. “Here” he reached for my hair and I pulled back from his touch. “I’m tryna help you... get your big head back here” I groaned and rolled my eyes at his moniker he gave me. I tilted my head closer to him as he continued to pull down my bonnet from it slipping to the back of my head. I didn’t even notice while he attacking my lips. “Sorry” he snapped the elastic band on my forehead, he chuckled as I fixed it into a comfortable place. I smirked at him, his happy mood was infectious. ... “I want to feel your hair when I kiss you” he pecked my lips one more time. I smiled at him. 

“I’m black” I laugh at him. 

“I know you don’t like it when I touch your hair but you finna get used it”  his audacity jumped out. 

I immediately paused and scoffed, giving him the side-eye, he widened his eyes to mimic me and exaggerate that he meant what he said too. 

“I can side eye you too, that don’t mean shit to me. I just be wanting to see all of you” he didn’t back off.

“First of all, I know I’m fine, my momma already told me” I sized the fuck out of him. “and 2nd a bitch don’t play with her hair, don’t touch that shit unless you ask my man”

He sucked his teeth. “You really have a mouth on you”

“I ain't no white girl since I know you be fucking them” I laughed.

“Don’t ever try me like that, I’ve only been with black women” he said. 

“A black woman, and that’s me! Whomever you think you’ve been with, erase that shit from your memory, your type is only me baby” I made it clear to him.

“You crazy, I thought we were friends” he threw back in my face.

I didn’t have any more comebacks. 

“That’s irrelevant” I couldn’t help the smile that formed on my face. I threw a pillow at him. “Go to bed, friend” I unwrapped myself from him and turned to the end of the bed far away from him.

“Aht, aht, come back here” He pulled me to him, I was laughing. “Don’t be acting like that”

“I was acting like ‘friends’” I play dumb.

“You just want to hear me say that I’m only attracted to you” he pointed out.

“Well, I already know that” I laughed.

“Tell me you are only attracted to me” he demanded

“Mhmm no, then I would be lying” I stalled.

“Nah, it ain’t finna work like that” he denied.

“No, you can only be attracted to me, I can be attracted to whoever I want, you are the first white man I’ve ever been attracted to” I confidently explained.

“I am the first and only man, you’ve been attracted to you” He called me out. The smile that once was on my face slowly slipped away. I could tell his smirk was going to turn into his shit-eating grin. I connected the dots, I mean he wasn’t wrong, but I wasn’t gonna let him know that and have the last word.

“Won’t be my last” I hummed.

“I will kill anyone who looks at you, don’t fucking try me” he barked.

“I’m the crazy one” I huff, I yawned and turned off the light.

I heard him laughing at himself. I snuggled into my spot in his arms, I shoved his other shoulder to stop laughing. 

“Go to bed” I laughed with him. He quieted down. A comfortable silence fell between us.

“Do I really have a bighead?” I asked him.

K’s burst of laughter confirmed everything I needed to know.

                                   ***********

“SASHA COME BACK HERE” K screamed at me from the other side of the house.

I enter the kitchen and open the fridge, pulling out some ingredients to make a sandwich.

K came running into the kitchen with the tattoo gun in hand. I gave him a face that would suggest that he should put that shit down before he came near me. He set it down on the table.

“C’mon Sasha. Just one tattoo. Get one for me” He begged, while his bottom lip jutted out.

“Why would I tattoo a ‘friend’ on my body” I acted confused.  Ashely laughed and walked out as soon as she saw K’s face.

“That’s how we doing this right now” He nodded his head at me. “Aight, coo, I see you” he shooed me away.

“I’ll only get the tattoo if you get one too” I looked at him and he turned around and his eyes lit up again.

“What do you want me to get” He reasoned.

“I want you to put my name on your neck, maybe even the Bratz icon you made for me on that hoodie” I smiled innocently. 

He tilted his head, almost contemplating it “How big we talking?”

“I want that shit on the side of your neck, fat ass fuck” I placed three fingers on his neck. His eyes widened.

“Hell nah, you tripping, get that out of my face” he swatted my hands away. I laughed at him.

“Then I am not getting a tattoo of your name” I laugh harder. This dude is crazier then I thought. 

“Why do you want it on my neck for?” he asked.

“Everyone will see that you are branded cos you are mine” I smiled at him. He stared at me like he lost all his sense.  “What?” I snapped.

“You really are the craziest bitch I’ve ever met. I want my name normal-sized on your ass cos I will be on dat ass for life” he massaged my ass.

“Why the fuck would I put that shit on my ass, are you stupid. I ain’t putting a white man’s name on my fucking ass, I ain’t your fucking property, I ain’t no slave” I sucked my teeth. K threw his head back in laughter.

“Aight fine, on your chest” He compromised. 

“Nah, that ghetto as hell. I don’t want to see it every time I look in the mirror cos any single time we fight I would have the urge to carve it out of my skin and throw it on your face as you sleep or the something like that” 

“You are crazy, like who would do that, why you gotta throw it on my face... WHILE. I. SLEEP.  the disrespect is taken to a whole other level” he stood there in disbelief.

“My point exactly. If I get a tattoo of your fucking name, I gotta be on crack or something, cos I ain’t doing this shit sober” I walked away from him to continue making us lunch.

“So what you telling me is that I can drug you and then tattoo my name on you” he joked.

“If you ever do that shit I’m beating your ass, it will be onsite” I side eye him hard as fuck it could pierce through his pale ass skin. I start murmuring to myself ‘this boy got my blood pressure raised and shit, now I’m having a fuckin stroke’ 

I hear him laughing ‘akekekekekeke’, the funniest part he thinks I’m playing with him, he holds his stomach like tryna keep his guts from falling out. 

I take a bite out of my sandwich as I watch him laugh himself until he turns red like the air spicy.

I pick up the knife and point it at him and just nod.

He just laughs harder.

                                   ***********

I stretched my neck to the right then to the left, waiting for it to crack. I did the same with my wrist, they cramped up as I continued to write, I’ve been working on assignments since the morning. 

It was mid-afternoon, I looked at my new alarm clock that Kells replaced, I think he stole it from Walmart. I smile to myself thinking about him. He was passed out next to me, he looked years younger as he slept. I was able to study his face more.

His eyelashes were so blonde they almost looked fake. His porcelain face was clear of pimples and pores, it was almost after years of abuse he endured there were no scars left to document it. 

You still saw it in his eyes when he stared off into a distance.

I had a weird urge to kiss him awake, he was supposed to keep me company but got bored real quick once he realized I wasn’t paying him attention. I hated doing this shit anyways. I could use a distraction. I contemplated my options, it was my turn to bother him. 

I immediately shut my textbook and shoved my papers off my bed. I hovered around K and pressed my lips onto his mouth. He emitted unintelligible sounds that I couldn’t make out. I peppered his face, he moved his head opposite not wanting to wake up but I straddled his hips, I felt him shudder under me, with a sudden jolt, I was flipped on top my back where K hovered in front of me.

Without any words, he pressed his lips to mine. I didn’t have to tell him twice. 

“Sasha” he stared into my soul. “If you want it, I need to hear you say yes.”

I closed my eyes, sucking in a wavering breath. Then I gave a small, succinct nod of my head. “Yes,” I whimpered.

His mouth crushed against mine before the word was even completely out of my mouth. I gasped, the sound silenced by his lips connecting around mine; his tongue brushing against my mouth. I reciprocated instantly, instinctively, meeting each stroke of his tongue with a needy force of my own. He tasted sweet, hot and I moaned in pleasure, winding my arms around his shoulders, my blanket falling to the floor. 

One of his hands held my face, holding me in place as he ravaged my mouth, the other hand gripping my waist. I pressed my body tight against his, feeling the hard lines and indentations of his muscles. I could feel his dick hardening underneath his pants against my thigh, with every stroke of his tongue on mine, the tight grip over the curve of my hip and ass; I clung to his shoulders tighter, my own body thrumming with arousal, wetness gathering in between my thighs and a tingling friction emanated from my nipples every time it rubbed against his firm chest.

“Fuck,” he growled into my mouth before I coaxed him into another urgent kiss. He snaked his other hand around my back, slipping them both under the waistband of my panties to cup my bare ass. I groaned in the back of my throat at the smooth texture of his palms, chills tightening my spine when the rough callus on his fingers would scrape against my skin; he hoisted me up against his erection, our hips grinding together as I wound a leg around his thigh, and my groans dissolved into a cry when his hard cock rubbed against my clit.

“Colson” I panted, scratching at his shoulders, tugging at the shirt, struggling to relieve him of the unnecessary barrier. He got the hint and briefly released me before shrugging the shirt over his head. I only had a second to marvel at his broad, solid chest and shoulders, the cut of his hips, the light, coarse hair that circled his navel and dipped below the line of his pants, and then he was back on me, frantically peeling my hoodie off me; capturing my lips in another kiss. “I love when you wear this, you’re mine, my lil brat” He tossed it away from.

My hands traced his naked flesh greedily, mapping the planes of his torso and back as his tongue did the same with my mouth. I was overwhelmed by his taste and texture, by his smell. I was intoxicated. I didn’t care what happened next. I had the most intense pressure throbbing in between my thighs. I knew I would do anything to relieve it, I was a fiend. I reeked of desperation, neediness, and longing.

Rattled, I pushed on his chest to break the kiss. “P-pants,” I gasped, flitting my eyes at the bulge print that outlined in his grey sweatpants. He complied, pushing them down his legs. I reached behind my back and fumbled with the clasp on my bra, immediately releasing the tension and letting it slide down my arms to the floor. I went to remove my panties but paused, wide-eyed, when I realize K was openly, shamelessly leering at my breasts. “What—”

“Fuck, you’re so hot,” he cursed reverently, actually dropping to his knees in front of me to rip off my panties. Moisture flooded my lips; I didn’t think it was possible to be more turned on, but hearing those words fall from his; verbally worshiping me made my pussy even wetter. I fisted the little blonde hair that grew in since I’ve known him, in my hands for balance as he ripped my panties in half, hearing it tear made me bubble with anticipation, then he pulled me lower, closer to meet his waist, gathering me in his arms to draw me back in for another searing kiss that left my lips bruised from the biting nips of his teeth.

He started to lay me backward on my pillows, but I halted him once I was on my elbows, pushing on his chest. We were both breathing heavily, chests heaving, and it took a moment for me to find my thoughts, so lost in the sight of his near-blue-black eyes, red lips and ruffled hair. I shook my head. “I think I should stop” I forced out before I could lose focus again.

He leaned into and pressed his lips to mine, “I promise I got you, I want to make you feel good, let me show how good I can make you feel, don’t you want to remember” He begged. I gave in. I couldn’t stop staring at him, drinking in his glory; the tension over the months was vibrating through my body just at the sight of him, awakened by that first damn kiss.

Most importantly, I couldn’t stop staring at his dick, even hidden by the thin material of his sweats, was thick and hard and bunched up near the waistband.

“Do y—”

“Just touch me already” I groaned, collapsing on my back and lifting my hips closer to him. 

He was on his knees between my legs in an instant, hovering over me; he kissed me again, dipping his tongue into my mouth. "So demanding even when you’re on your back and begging for me,” he teased darkly, his lips spelling the words against my own, and I bit at his tongue indignantly. “Lil brat” he quipped.

“I am not beg—ohh god,” I gasped when he pressed his fingers against my swollen clit, rubbing it through my panties. The friction was delicious, simultaneously relieving the budding pressure between my thighs yet intensifying it.

“That’s not what your body’s telling me,” he murmured, his tone smug; I knew it was apparent to him how wet I was, just by the soaked crotch of my underwear. His fingers continued to move between my legs, leisurely stroking my clit and lips.

He trailed his mouth down my neck, swiveling his wrist with a kiss to my collarbone. When he reached my breast, he swirled his tongue around the stiff nipple and then sucked it between his lips, just as he stretched my panties to the side to slip his hand underneath. The dual sensations were nearly enough to undo my release, and all it took were a few more revolutions of his fingers on my wet clit to send me spiraling. I tried to choke back my moan and failed entirely, throwing my head back repeating his name over and over again.

My heart was pounding as blood rushed through my ears, and my body quaked in the aftermath of my orgasm; it took a while for my body to uncoil, allowing me to relax against the floor. He continued to tease my nipple with his tongue, experimentally dipping two of his fingers inside me before he slowly pushed them all the way inside. I inhaled loudly through my teeth as he stretched me; my walls were still pulsing from my release, and I clenched around him when he delicately curled his finger.

“Well, that was incredibly fas—” he started to say, but I cut him off.

“Don’t say it,” I threatened, weakly closing my eyes so I wouldn’t have to look at his arrogant face. No doubt his ego was bigger than his cock right now; I came way too quickly. But I’d been wound so tightly the last two days, no wonder I snapped so easily. “Don’t say anything if you ever want me to fuck you.”

A short, gruff laugh of amusement rumbled in his chest, vibrating against my sensitive nipples, and I felt my clit throb in response.

He nuzzled his mouth against my ear, “I’m so fucking hard right now, and you cumming so fast makes me wanna explode.”

All I can do was squeeze my eyes back, and groan into his neck, the pressure came back stronger this time. 

                                   ***********

I began squirming in my chair as my wetness became uncomfortable. I feel Colson’s hands part my legs as his fingers travel into my panties. K pulled my thong to the side for easier access. He began rubbing my clit in small circles. I was nervous but excited. I welcomed his expertise but I also wanted to smack the shit out of him. What was he thinking? We were on our first date, about a year later. This is how he wanted to act, in front of the public. I couldn’t take this muthafucka out anywhere.

I hid my face into his neck. He curled his finger in an upward motion. I felt myself get wetter as he pushed a finger in and out of me; I clenched around his sole finger and tried hard not to roll my eyes to the back of my head. He then added two more and began his assault, slowly thrusting his fingers into me.

I tried to pay attention to what he was saying but all I could do was a nod. A faint moan came from me followed by a few coughs. I felt K corner lips tug upwards against my head at my attempt of saving my embarrassment.

He knew I was close to my release.

“What would you like to drink,” the waiter asked us. I looked around the restaurant noticing that no one paid us attention, even though this was a good three inches inside of me. 

I was nudged out of my train of thought by K. I looked at him and he made a motion to the waiter.

It dawned on me that he must have asked for my order, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore you”, I admitted with a slight chuckle.

He smiled, “No need to apologize, what would you like to drink?” he asked.

“I’ll just have water, thank you”, I smiled and looked at the menu.

“A sprite and one water for the beautiful girl”. I looked up to find him smiling, I kind of grimaced at him, cos I felt K body stiffen, and small growl emitted from his throat. The waiter winked and left to the kitchen. Shit, did he know what K was doing to me?

I turned to him to find him death staring at the waiter. He then gave me the same look “What?” I stared at his face.

“He was eye-fucking you”, K stated.

“No, he wasn’t, I think he knows you’re fingering me right now” I argued. I felt heat rush from neck to the back of my ears.

“Well let’s ask him”, Colson suggested. I kicked his shin.

“Well if he wants to fuck my girl, at least let me defend you”, He rubbed his leg.

“Stop talking about this, and finish me off”, I pleaded.

“Yeah, I don’t appreciate him hitting on you while I’m tryna make you cum, who the fuck does this motherfucka think he is”, 

“He was being friendly”, I hit him with the damn menu.

K thrusted his fingers deeper inside of me. I bit my lip hard.  He pulled my bottom lip from my teeth with his mouth and licked my lips. “Am I being friendly” he threw back at me, I just rolled my eyes to the back of my head, as I clenched around his fingers pistoling in me, soon my wall started to make sponging sounds.

“Shit, you’re so wet” He whispered as he bit the bottom of my earlobe.

“Yeahhh, I’m so close” I begged him to bring me release.

“That’s it, let go, in front of all these white people, say my fucking name, whose fingers are inside of you right now” he demanded.

I felt myself contracting against his fingers, slipping on to his hands.

My eyes widened as I felt an absence from my pussy.

“Why did you stop” I whined.

“Stop being a brat” he laughed at me.

I felt like I was going to cry.

The waiter came back with the drinks and took our orders of food and left.

“I knew you were going to say yes to this date” K stared at me like I was a piece of meat, and he was a starving lion. He was the survival of the fittest, and honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to devour me right now on this table. 

“Even though you made me wait a year later, I’m going to show you how fun waiting for something you really want actually is”, he slowly said into my ear.

This was going to be a long night.

                                   ***********

I was jolted awake when K was ripped from arms, my eyes shot open.

The lights on my room were on. I was in nothing except in K’s big t-shirt and K was in his boxers. I refocused my eyes in the aftermath. I heard K screaming and my brother-

Shit! My brother? Throwing punches while K tried to defend himself. “YO TRE, WHAT THE FUCK, GET OFF OF HIM” I yelled to get his attention. I jumped and grabbed Tre’s shoulders but I was pushed into the wall behind me hitting my head against it. K saw me hurt, he threw Tre off of him to get to me.

“Don’t fucking touch my sister” I heard Tre growl. Spit was on the side of his mouth, barking orders at us like he was the mean-ass pitbull three doors over. 

Tre grabbed his glock from his waist to point it at K, 

I got up to defend K, I blocked him from Tre by jumping in front of him. 

“Sasha get the fuck out my way” he commanded.

“Back the fuck up Tre, calm the hell down” I tried to diffuse.

“Wait, hold on man” K begged.

“Who the fuck told you to lie with my blood sister, after I fed you, put the clothes on your back, and allowed you to leave in one piece, this is how you repay me, you colorless negro” he pointed his glock manically.

“Do you know what my sister has been through, she is fucking sixteen, are you crazy, do you think I’m stupid”

“Tre, I’m almost 17, he’s only 3 years older than me, it’s not a fucking big deal”

“I haven’t had sex with her, I love her. I’ve been taking care of her” K pleaded his life. He slowly stood up and grabbed my hand, I held on until my own knuckles were white.

“You turning my sister out, she a kid muthafucka” He gritted.

“Tre please stop, it’s not like that. He’s my boyfriend” I tried to touch his shoulder again but he flinched at my touch. I shook both me and K’s hands.

He looked back and forth between me and K. His mouth twitched. His eyebrows relaxed. ‘Please,’ I mouthed to him. “I thought he was raping you, like-

I shook my head violently for him to stop talking. “No no no, Tre you got it all wrong, it's not what it looks like? He uh... started living here... a month ago”

He wiped the bead of sweat that slid down the side of his face. He tucked the glock back in the waist of his paints. 

“Kells, come with me. We’re going to have a conversation” he nodded towards the hallway.

“Tre, please stop” I stare at him knowingly.

I held Kells hand tighter. He gave me look to assure me that nothing was going to happen. That he’ll be okay. He wiped my tears, and brought me to his chest, wrapping his arms around my shoulders and pressed his lips to my forehead, he walked to the living room past both my brother and I.

“You stay here” Tre gave me one of his little demands. I rarely saw him like this, nevertheless it was fuckin uncalled for. This was truly ghetto. I was so fucking embarrassed.

“Please don’t say anything- he doesn’t know yet” I stop him from clothing the door like a little kid. Tre’s demeanor softens a little bit and nods. Tre closed the door on me like I was a fucking child.

I rolled my eyes. I threw my pillow at the wall. He wasn’t supposed to see me like this. I went to the bathroom to clean up. Snot bubbles were on my upper lip. I quickly washed my face. I could see the under lids of my eyes were bright red, and my eyes were bloodshot, the veins were strained because my adrenaline and blood pressure were through the roof. 

I paced back and forth in my bedroom. I couldn’t really hear what they were saying. I was exhausted and nervous. Maybe if I snuck out I could hear better. 

The door opened, I just saw Kells enter the room. I rush to him.

“Are you okay” I kissed his lips. He just nodded. “What did he say to you”

“He wanted to know if I was serious. I told him I was serious as a Muthafuckin heart attack” he chuckled at his joke. I shoved him.

“I’m sorry, this shit was so fuckin extra, he just confused it for something else. He tends to escalate shit for no reason” I stumbled.

“He wants to talk to you” he passed on. I crossed my arms.

“No, I’m so fucking mad right now” I seethed and shook my head.

“C’mon don’t be like that, he walked into his house, to find a grown man sleeping in the same bed as his kid sister, whom he raised. Out of respect of your brother, I understand where he is coming from” he reasoned.

I snorted. “You agree with him, he just tried to kill you” I sat there in awe.

He stood so cool and unnerved, “I’ve been through worse, plus you're worth it all, baby. Don’t you know I’ll do anything not to lose you? I finally got you to claim me as your boyfriend. Girlfriend” he squeezed my sides. 

I laughed with him. “Go talk to him” he smacked my ass, he picked up the pillow I threw earlier off the floor and fluffed it and put it on the bed. He stared at me expectingly and pointed to the door silently after I still stood there not moving. I groaned. “You know he doesn’t own me, I can make my own decisions, he doesn’t trust my judgement of character? I don’t get why he is upset, there is nothing to talk about” Kells made a knowing face. I gave up. 

I dragged my feet down the hall to speak with my brother.

I turned to the corner to see Tre sitting on the couch, legs spread, rolling a blunt on the coffee table.

Hand on hip, “You are gonna clean that up after, right?” I sassed.

“Were you ever gonna tell me” he cut me off.

“Eventually” I stalled.

“You could have warned me before I came here and fucked up ole boy” he chuckled to himself.

“He didn’t hit you back out of respect otherwise it would have been different” I threw back, and he laughed at me like I said the funniest joke.

“I’m just tryna look out for you, make sure you don’t make the same mistakes as me. You think I want to be in the drug business. Hell no. I want you to go to college, travel, be independent, free from this life. I love you, sis. Please don’t get fucking pregnant, that’s all I’m asking” he finished.

“You know after everything you’ve been through, I couldn’t fuckin see anything but red, but that’s over, for the both of us, and you deserve to be happy. I want you to have this, I’m happy for you. You look good” he sucks his teeth.

“Okay” I rolled my eyes.

“Just please be careful” He drew from his blunt. “You gotta stay focused, these men don’t care about you, they just want pussy. I would know” he chuckled to himself.

“You think I don’t know that,” I said matter of factly.

“I fuck with him though. He’s good, he’ll take care of you when I’m not here, be my eyes on you from now on. But if he fucks up Imma kill him” he gets serious at the end.

I laugh at him and this time he doesn’t crack a smile. 

He smiled eventually and patted a spot next to him. I walked over and sat down beside him. He hugged me tightly. “You’re getting older. I love you so much, more than anything, sissy” He kissed my cheek. I felt safe and warm. I was hurt that he left.

“How long are you staying?” 

“Not long. I have a red-eye tomorrow night. I actually got plans to fuck this one bitch from myspace, she at the hotel. So Imma dip soon. Aight. We’ll get some lunch tomorrow or dinner before I’ll leave. Kells is invited too”

“I love you too Tre, you’re my best friend. I missed you. Thanks for always fighting for me.” I hugged him back. I pulled away. “You should call more often, and make sure you use a condom” I smiled and patted his thigh signaling he had some on him.

“Goodnight Sasha” he shoved my shoulder.  I just laughed. 

I said goodbye but before I could close the apartment door, I called out “Tre, thank you for not saying anything to him”

“Not my place, sis, you take however long you need- love you, see you tomorrow” He waved. I locked the door once he went into the elevator.

I walked back to my room, to see K slumped on the bed, knocked out, he was goofy, but I loved to laugh especially with him. My boyfriend.

That was so foreign to say, even in my head. 

This was gonna be interesting.

                                    ***********

I walked into Kells house pissed as fuck. He forgot to pick me up. 

“Yo K, where are you” I shouted.

No one answered. That’s so fuckin weird.

I walked into K’s room to see him slumped on his bed, his arm had red dots in the soft middle part, these bed bugs were feasting on these motherfuckers.

I went to the kitchen to make myself something to eat. Once I was making myself some grilled cheese sandwiches. I hear something in Kells room moving. I ran to his room to see if he was okay.

I saw him convulsing in his bed, I started to freak out. What the fuck do I do? I held his neck to stabilize, I then propped him upside so he could get circulation. He then vomited everywhere on the floor. I was screaming for him to wake up.

Nothing was working. I held him up as he vomited some more. I panicked and called Slim. 

“Slim you gotta help me, I’m the house, K’s passed out, I think he had a seizure, we need to get him to the hospital”

“Stay calm, Sasha, I’ll be there in five minutes”

I go to get ice and a wet washcloth, I continue ringing it over his pale clammy forehead.

Slim and Dub busted through the house.

“In here” I shouted. Slim and Dub were in shock. “Shit this looks bad” Slim put his hands over his head.

“What the fuck did this muthafucka take” Dub yelled at me.

“I just fuckin got here, I don’t know” I started to panic, I felt like there was something they didn’t want to tell me, I felt myself on the verge of tears. 

“Sasha, go bring the car out front, me and Dub are finna carry him to the back seat. He tosses me the keys. I grab an empty trash can.

I do as I am told. I leave the keys in the ignition put the car and park and open then back doors for Slim and Dub.

I sit in the back so that way Kells can lay his head in my lap. 

Slim closes the back door, and Dub and Slim hop in and rush towards the emergency room.

Once we get in the parking lot, Dub runs out of the car before Slim can put it in park, and yells crazily at the staff, next thing I know they pull him from me and put him on a stretcher. I started screaming for someone to tell me what was wrong. They just ignored me. He started convulsing again and I started crying and freaking out. They wouldn’t let me roll down the hall, Slim had to hold me back from chasing him, I cried into his chest.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with him, I thought he was sleeping and then he had a seizure, and then he was vomiting. I’m so scared, Slim, it’s all my fault” he hugged me close to him.

“Everything is going to be okay, this is not your fault. We gotta be strong and think positive” he said calmly.

I sat down on the chairs and the boys sat on either side of me. I put my head in my hands and I could no longer hold my sobs in, everything hurt. I couldn’t see him die. I’ve had so much regret, I was mad at myself that I was mad at him, I was mad for all the missed kisses, all the missed out dates, for all the times I didn’t tell him I loved him, that I was in love with him. I was mad for not seeing it sooner, he overdosed, was this a first time thing, is this a relapse why didn’t he fuckin tell me, did he do it while we were together, there so much I missed because I was too wrapped up in me and my life.

I fell asleep in Ashleigh’s lap, I was startled when the doctor eventually came to talk to us. He said Kells was stabilized and had traces of heroin in his system. 

They allowed us to see him. He was still asleep. I took his lifeless hand and held it to my cheek. Tears ran down my face. I wish he was awake. I just wanted him to tell me he loved me. I didn’t really much believe in God, but I prayed to him to help K heal. I just wanted someone to talk to. To take the pain I had away.

Ashleigh fell asleep and Slim went to get some snacks from the vending machine. I felt his hand squeeze mine, I look up to his face, to see his bright blue eyes.

“What happened”, he hoarsely asked, confused at his surrounding.

I instantly started to cry, I got into bed with him and tucked my face into his neck and started to cry. I didn’t want to lose him like that.

“What’s the matter, baby? Stop crying, it's okay, I’m okay” He consoled me.

I pulled away. He wiped my tears and kissed me on my lips.

“You overdosed, you started to seizure, and vomit, I thought you were napping, if I didn’t come to you Kells, you would have died. Since when did you do heroin” I ran on.

“I’m sorry” was all he could say.

“That’s all you gotta say to me” I demanded.

“What do you want me to say, I ain’t gonna stop” He threw back.

This made me cry more.

“Then do what you gotta do then” I got up from his bed and stormed out. Slim was on his way back.

“You talk to your friend before I smack the shit out of him. He’s awake” 

Slim lit up and he ran into the room and I could hear them hug. Ashleigh woke up and I heard her softly talking to him. 

I cried cos I knew this shit wasn't over, I knew him too well, this wasn’t his first time doing this.

Why would he hide this from me and was he hiding anything else?

                                    ***********

It was moments like this I truly regretted letting people in. They just make you soft and sell you on a dream, but its never action based. 

Kells phone was dead, I haven’t heard from him since we had a huge argument in front of our friends, or should I say his friends since he made it clear no one liked me. I knew that was a fucking lie; I helped Ashleigh and her mom with rent. He’s a fucking drug addict. I can’t avoid it anymore. After the overdose, it was like stepping on eggshells, now it was out in front of me like an ugly pimple waiting to burst.

It’s beens 4 months since the overdose; last week he was off of it cos he was broke until he took money from the stash and bought 1k in heroin which he then nonchalantly said he was gonna flip the rest of it, and give me back the profits and said I was investing in his future. 

I cussed him the fuck out, I couldn’t take it anymore, I’m embarrassed, I told him the truth. Of course it’s an ego thing because he knows he has no money. Usually he’d just wait til get paid for a show he did. But he needed his fix. I just turned 17, I didn’t know what to do, how to make him stop.

He’s not picking up my calls. I haven’t heard from in 4 days, I feel the tears pour from eyes. I should just check him into rehab, maybe we should try to do an intervention again. I sniffle and try to call him again but his phone goes straight to voicemail.

I’m trying not panic but what if something bad has happened.

I try calling any body who will pick up. The boys keep lying for him. I call Ashleigh again.

“Hey Sasha, are you okay”

“He hasn’t come in four days, he is missing, I don’t know what to do”

“Hey, it’s okay Sasha, calm down, let me make some phone calls and I try to find him. Are you feeling okay girl”

“I’m hanging in there, it’s just, Kells is hurting me Ash, he changed, he is not him anymore, I’m scared we’re gonna lose him, Colson is dying” I cry into the phone.

“You are not gonna lose him. Are you by yourself? Do you want me to come over”

“Please, I can’t do this shit alone” I beg.

About 20 mins later Ashleigh knocks on the door, I open the door and she is already on the phone- she hugs me silently. I let her in and lock the door behind us.

“Yeah that would be great, thank you” She hangs up the phone.

“Do you want something to drink?” I ask her. I go into the kitchen.

“Girl, I need some caffeine” she remarks. I make some coffee for the both of us and we sit at the table. She explains to me the hospital will call her back if they have a man or body in K’s description.

“I called 2 other hospitals in the area, they don’t have a body or john does in the emergency room” she sips her coffee.

“Do you think the boys are lying to us about something, maybe we don’t know something” I ask her.

“They wouldn’t lie to me, he’s on bender he’s somewhere they don’t know. They are not showing it but Slim, Dre, and Dub are bent out of shape about this. They hurting too” 

“Is it bad to say that I hate him right now?” I say more to myself than Ashleigh.

Ashleigh shakes her head.

“No, I think the rest of us are used to it, he was doing so good with you Sasha, you have to know that, addiction is life long disease it’s just comes and goes and you have to be strong for him, he was happy with you, the happiest in a while, you are so good for him”.

“I don’t want to leave, I love him so much but he is pushing me away, he lies to me, he has been lying to me, and he’s a completely different person, not the sweet boy I met” I begin to choke up.

“The truth is he has to get over this himself, no matter how many interventions, how many times we threaten him with rehab, it’s not gonna stick, he has to want to pull himself out” she truthfully advised.

“I told him I wasn’t gonna have sex with him until he stopped using, we never had sex, I mean, I was ready and then this shit happened. He is gonna be high for that, it’s fucked up right, that he tries to convince me while he is high, something that is special to me. Kells would have never done that before he over-” I trail off and start crying. He ruined this, he ruined us. 

Ashleigh came to hug me, I just remembered how pissed he was every time I told him to stop when things got heated between us. I cried cos he was visibly angry, yelling, shouting, then storming out the house.

“Did I tell you that the other day I threw the fuckin drug down the toilet and he hit me, kept swinging, so I got mad and started kicking him and then Slim and Dre were holding us back from each other. We just fight, and fight, and fight. That’s all we do. I can’t leave him like this, but I’m hurting so much” I try to stop crying but snot comes from nose. I just feel so drained. I’m so angry at myself for letting this happen to me. 

I cried so much, I told him I was leaving. I told him I was done. I didn’t mean it. But he broke down on his knees and begged me to not go. I remembered how weak he sounded, it was desperation and deprivation. 

“Ash, I believed he wanted to change, we need to do an intervention for him” I begged and wiped my tears.

“Sometimes you need to cut him off, if he wants to waste everyone’s time, he’ll do it. You’re babying him, my mom is not talking to him right now, she hates this, she won’t allow him to be in the house. You have to put your foot down. Sometimes he needs tough love, to see what he takes for granted”

“Please just think about it”. 

She nods at me.

We get ready for bed, I sleep on the couch like I have been doing just in case he comes back home, I wait for him.

I nod off for a couples of hours, I’m awoken by voices and hear Slim and Dre’s voice, and then Ashleigh’s arguing in a hushed tone. I rub my eyes.

“Where’s K” I say.

“In the room” Slim points.

I walk into my room to K in groggy state, he is trying to take he shoes off, he can barely keep his eyes open.

“Baby why did you leave me like that?” I ask him softly and he ignores me. “Kells where did you go, please tell me” I sobbed.

I tried to hug him but he pushed me away from him. 

“What’s wrong Kells talk to me, are you okay” I tried to rub his arm. He grabbed my wrist really tight, to the point it was gonna bruise later.

“Get off of me Kells, let go of me” I tried to yank my hand.

“Where is my shit bitch” is all he grumbles out as he pulls my wrist and body towards him and grabs my throat, choking me. I can’t scream but I’m losing air, I’m swinging my body trying to make any noise, he is now using both of his hands, I start panicking. I kicked over my lamp and Dre came running in.

“What the fuck Kells” Dre yelled- for help as he tried to get Kells. Once Slim came, Dre broke me free of Kells grip. I fell to the floor and hit the back of my head on the corner of my bed frame, I felt instant pain. Ashleigh came to me and I saw her hand red with blood, I was crying and crying and I quickly pushed myself away until I hit the wall. Kells was still trying to attack me throwing stuff off the night stand at me. 

Ashleigh helps me up and I turn to him “That’s it Colson. I’m done, get the fuck out of here now. I fucking hate you. Get out now” I start screaming. 

Dre and Slim were trying to calm me and Kells down. Ashleigh just rushed me out the room, and Kells tried to chase after me and I flinched.

I heard yelling from my room and I just curled into the couch in a fetal position and cried and cried and cried, until I fell asleep.

I woke up around the afternoon. I touched my head and the gash was still wet. I turned around to see that Kells was sleeping on the other side of the couch while everyone was by him watching so he wouldn't overdose. Everyone was still asleep.

I got up and felt really dizzy. I brushed my teeth and washed my face carefully trying to not touch the gash.

I started to clean all the glass and stuff that Kells broke from my room. I fill a large black trash bag with shit, the tears started to flood at the blood on my carpet. 

I heard Kells come from behind me and I instinctually jumped from him- he raised his eyebrows at me, I had unshed tears in my eyes.

“What’s wrong baby” he seemed so concerned.

“Do you remember last night, or the past five days in general” I say to him.

He tries to really think but I can tell he is having hard time.

“You hit and choked me last night cos you thought I touched your drugs. I fell so hard I have fucking gash in my head. If you love me, you wouldn’t do this to me Kells, this is what the drugs are doing to us”

“That’s not true, if you would just try some you would understand where I am coming from Sasha, you never support me”

“Colson I don’t give a fuck anymore, I’m done, you hear me. I leaving you. This is over. I can’t do this anymore with you. I don’t want to. I love you too much to watch you kill yourself. I can’t, you’re killing me, I don’t want to hate you”

“Baby please, think about what you’re saying, I’ll take you to the hospital right now, I’ll be better. I can’t do this without you, I love you so much, you are the reason I’m still here”

“That’s not true you only care about your next high. You don’t give a fuck about me, Ashleigh dropped out of college for you, she was almost done,  Dre and Slim are fucking sacrificing so much for you. You’ve got to pull it together if not for yourself, or for me, but for them. You are wasting your dream on temporary happiness. I know your life is hard, but you are making it harder right now”

“They always leave, everyone. I can’t make anyone stay” it was cold and hard. His eyes turned into a brittle icy blue.

Something broke inside of me. 

“It’s either me or the drugs, choose now or we’re done” I looked at him dead in the eye.

“You, I choose, you, I choose Slim, Dre, Ashleigh. I’m so sorry” He begged me on his knees kissing my hand. 

I believed him again. I’d always believe him. He stopped shooting up, or that’s what he told me. It didn’t stop him from acting secretive, he hid stuff from me.

About 2 weeks later he ended up moving in with Slim.

“I need my own space Sasha, it will be good for us, for my recovery, we need some distance and I want to focus on my music” he started packing his clothes.

I started to cry, we just started to get back to normal.

“You don’t love me anymore?” I whimpered.

“No, why would you think that. My stuff is just gonna be with Slim, I just need some independence is all, I need to get back on my own two feet, I’ll still sleep over here most nights, but I just need to some space baby, my own thing”

He kissed my cheeks and wiped my tears, and hugged me. Once he left, I was left confused and alone. I was silent with my own thoughts, and I couldn't stand hearing the voice in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough for him. 

It’s been 3 days and I barely spoke to K, he tried so hard to get me and now that I’m in love with him he doesn't even care, I cried myself to sleep.

Why does this feel hard, isn’t it supposed to be simple when people love each other, you’re not supposed to feel empty and hurt like this. 

He texted me in short responses as if I wasn’t what he wanted anymore. I thought he was happy with me. Guess not anymore. 

I was trying to do homework but I kept crying. I fucking hated school. I hated myself even more. I just wanted to go to sleep forever. I was changing. I never had time to think, it was just go and survive, and for the first time Kells taught me to laugh and live in the moment. I trusted him enough that I could feel and love him, and trusted that he loved me too. I felt like we were broken ever since he started to get sober again. He resented me for making him get sober. I knew it. Maybe he didn’t want to disappoint me, maybe he didn't want me to leave him so he was gonna lie and hide things from me. 

Maybe I’m just being paranoid, and still very hurt since his relapse. I read all the addiction help books I could get my hands on and the affects it has on loved ones. What we both went through was traumatic so I could see why we both were handling it differently. 

I was so angry too, for letting myself fall for the false dreams he sold me. Was any of it true, or did he just want to fuck me, maybe he realized I wasn’t worth the effort. 

I heard the door trying to open, I got scared, I turned off all the lights and got the gun under my bed, and hid in in my closet. 

My bedroom door swung open and Kells was drunk as hell. He kicked his shoes off and jumped the bed “Sasha” he yelled my name.

I opened the closet and he had a slow reaction, he put his hands up like he was doing Karate and jumped in the air awkwardly.  

I put the gun away, “Sorry I knew you had a key, you’ve never taken that long to open the door”

He raised an eyebrow, he tried to take his shirt off but was too drunk so I helped him get undressed, with his socks and jeans. I took off his rings and chain. I got a cool damp wash cloth and a glass of water. He drank the water as I patted his forehead. I could tell he was falling asleep. He set the empty glass on the nightstand and dozed off. 

I finished my homework and got ready for bed. I had to leave to go to school in the morning.

This routine began to be repeated for weeks, we barely saw each other. 

I didn’t want to bring up anything serious because I didn’t want him to think I didn't trust him and then relapse because I provoked him or triggered him with a fight; I was trying to uplift and support his sobriety as best I could. 

But I knew something was up. Destiny and Ashleigh were acting mad weird, they got real quiet when I mentioned Kells or would change the subject. Slim and Dre stopped coming to the apartment to chill. 

As soon as I claimed him, he had to start acting up. 

Maybe my brother was right.

Maybe Kells only liked me because he had to chase me and once the thrill ended, so did his love.

I was scared to ask him.

                                    ***********

I was walking out from class and searched for K’s beat-up car. I got inside. He was counting stacks.

“Hi baby, damn where did you get all that money?” I asked him in a very non-accusatory way. 

“Don’t worry bout it” he snapped. I sat there in absolute awe of his audacity. I had no idea where that anger came from, especially directed at me. He barely talked to me anymore and when he got into these moods I just shutdown. I didn’t want to fight. I tried not to internalize but it hurt me a lot. I wasn’t gonna talk to him if he wasn’t gonna talk to me.

He drove to his and Slim’s apartment. He looked over at me but I ignored him.

“If you gon have an attitude, you can get the fuck out my car” he abruptly barked. I raised an eyebrow. I was calm but now I fuming. He then stopped the car in the middle of the road. And then waited for me to get out. I looked at him like he was crazy. 

“Fine” I slammed his door hard as fuck. I continued to walk my ass home, to my apartment.

Kells followed me slowly as I walked with the window rolled down.

“Yo, I’m sorry I was trippin’ Sasha. Just get back in the car” he begged me a familiar voice, but lately it was only a mask. 

I rolled my eyes and ignored him. I didn’t care how cold it was. I was mad he was mad.

“Aye bitch c’mon, I ain’t got time to play these games” he said angrier. 

I was lucky it was cold, cos my tears wouldn’t fall since it was so cold. I realized how annoying and persistent K is. I knew his obsessive ass would just follow me until I got in the car anyways. So I got in the car. 

“I want to go home,” I said in a drained voice.

“Nah we going to my place” he quipped. 

“K I’m not in the mood” I spit.

“You gon do, what I say” he demanded.

“Why you always controlling me. I said I want to go home” I stared at him.

“Listen, I am sorry, I didn’t mean to snap and take it out on you but I am short for rent, I need to buy equipment. I just have a lot of people depending on me. I didn’t mean to hurt you” he squeezed my thigh.

I visibly relax, I stare at him to try to see if he is lying. I believe him. 

“That’s all you had to say, I can help if you want” I offer and hold his hand. 

“You don’t have to, I don’t want to put that on you” he looks at me with guilt in his eyes. 

“You’re my boyfriend, I’ll always try to help you. We have this same conversation every single time. How do you expect us to last if you can’t trust me with how you feel and what you need, you stopped talking to me ever since you relapsed and I miss you, I want my boyfriend back” I started to cry and all my feelings came out like pandora’s box.

“I do trust you, I tell you things all the time, I’m not going anywhere” he promised.

“Colson, you put your hands on me, you hurt me, and then you left me when I tried to help you get sober, you left me by myself, and when you do come you’re drunk, you just changed, we changed. I thought I made you happy but I think you hate me now for making you choose me over your addiction” my chest racks with sobs.

“You make me happier than you know, some times I don’t think I deserve you, I just don’t want to let you down again. I promise I will never touch you like that again. I’m really sorry for everything I put you through, I never meant to hurt the only person I truly love. You know I love you right” he brings my hand and opens my palm to kiss the inside. 

“I love you too, I’ve loved you for a long time K, I’m in love with you” I stared at him. 

“See I told you were gonna fall in love with me, I fell in love with you the moment I met you”

I squeezed his hand.

“So how much money do you need?” I wiped my tears. 

“You don’t have to do this” he gave me an out. 

“I want to, I don’t like it when you're stressed out” I brushed his hair back.

“I love you so much, you know that” he stared at me like the sweet boy I met.

He kissed me with so much force, I thought my lips would bruise.

“K you driving” I pull away from him quickly. He just laughs at me.

Once we stopped by the apartment, I took out the cash that would pay for his rent, studio equipment, and software. I was going to be a silent investor. I did it for him, cos I believed he would get us out. It didn’t matter to me because I was doing it for someone I loved.

                                    ***********

I looked around Irv’s crib, the beats they were playing almost made paper-thin walls shake. The air reeked of backwoods, weed, 40′s, and Hennessy.

I was high and tipsy. We were all laughing and I was spitting out my sunflower seeds into a red solo cup. Kells was dancing with Slim and Dub. His phone was buzzin’ out of control. So I answered it for him.

“Kells, I need you to come over, you told me that you would be here, that you’d be here for me and the baby,” a woman said in a rush.

I felt sick. A baby. Everyone looked blurry. Wetness coated my cheeks, was I crying? I was trying to hold it in. I hated looking weak. I started putting the pieces together. 

K was cheating on me. 

The whole time.

I thought I was different.

I thought I meant more to him than just sex, I thought he loved me the way I loved him. No wonder everyone was acting weird around me. 

K got a girl pregnant on me.

I dropped his blackberry on the floor, I had to leave. 

“What the fuck-”  he looked at my face. He knew. He didn’t have to say anything.

I could see everyone knew I knew. I was a fuckin fool, I was lookin’ stupid as hell. How could he do that to me? I thought he loved me. I turned on my heal, paced to the door but Kells ran to block me from leaving.

“Just get out of my way” I lightly pushed him but he wouldn’t budge. Tears swelled in my eyes. He could see my pain. He was panicking but I wanted to run, run away so far. My mom was right, my dad was right, the voice in my head was right. I was unlovable and it was my fault. 

“No, lemme explain” He reached for my hands but I jerked away from his touch. Tears poured from ducts. I began to uncontrollably sob, I was so embarrassed. 

“I need to go home” I raised my hand to scratch my forehead with my acrylic nail and the other hand gripped my hip.

“C’mon Sasha” he went touch my upper arm.

“Please don’t touch me” I flinched and stumbled back and hit the wall. 

“Stop being a bitch and tryna leave me, I’m fucking talking to you” he cursed at me.

I lost it. I started pounding on his chest. To let me leave. I was saying anything that would hurt him. Slim tried to pick me up. I pushed him away from me.

“No, don’t touch me” I walked away. 

“All of you lied for him” I pointed at them. “You had my best friend lying for you” I pushed at K’s chest repeatedly. “When were you going to tell me K, huh? How long?” I pushed him back.

I was met with silence.

“Get the fuck out of my way, I don’t want to be here” I screamed at his face.

“I am not letting you go. It was an accident” he finally spoke up. He pulled me by my bicep into an isolated room so no one could hear us. I shook him off of me.

“Lower your fuckin voice, stop your shit” Kells yelled at me and closed the door behind him. 

“Don’t tell me what to do, I don’t understand how you accidentally fell into some pussy. An accident is something that happened that was beyond your control, you wanted to fuck her you did this on purpose”

“Well maybe if you’d let me fuck I’d wouldn’t have to fuck other bitches” he sneers.

I snapped my neck, I nodded my head slowly. 

“BITCHES... as in plural, you are blaming this on me?” I stared at him wide-eyed. “Wow K, I know for a fact you ain’t dumb, you out here making me look stupid as fuck” I threw my hand in his face.

“You have me giving you money when you gettin’ other bitches pregnant. You planning baby showers.... with her” I motion to his phone. I rubbed my temples. I looked at Kells in disgust. “You don’t love me, you don’t want me. You just using me, I never gave you pussy and you still here, not cos you love me but because you just waiting to fuck and leave” I threw back at him.

I shook my head while he just stared silently at the wall. You know what..... fuck this! He wants me to have sex with him, tell him what's up, let's see how he really feels after this. You’re gonna regret this. I bit my lip. “Do you know why I am not ready to have sex yet Kells, you really wanna know. It’s because I was molested by Mom’s boyfriend. Four years. She didn’t believe me. My brother walked on him one day and killed him. He started when I was 5 Kells, why you think my brother almost shot you, cos he thought..... you were hurting me” I stared emotionless, cos what was the point of feeling or living at this point. 

Here I thought I found someone who would love me and make me forget that shit ever happened to me. I dryly laugh at his reddened face, his eyes hurt, his eyebrows furrowed. “I never wanted to tell you, cos look at how you are looking at me. I wanted you to love ME, I wanted to get better for you, but I can’t have sex the way you want me to. I’m too fucked up. It was my fault; just like you gettin that girl pregnant, right?” 

“I’m tired Kells, I just want to go home” my voice cracks, I felt so alone, I wanted to go before I started to cry again, I sat on the bed in silence, watching him process everything. 

This room was too small, I was starting to itch, I needed to go, I couldn’t let him scrutinize me any longer. I couldn’t do this anymore.

I knew what this was. It was a clear sign we were done. I got up to walk out the door before I opened it he spoke. “I’m glad Tre killed him cos I would have if he were still alive”. I paused.

He breathed in deeply “I’m sorry I ain’t shit, baby I’m so sorry I didn’t know” he croaked. He went to hug me but I pushed him away.

“Move, Kells,” I said quietly. I was done. I turned off, suppressed it, whatever I felt before disappeared. I was numb and lost. 

My mother was right all along. I wasn’t good enough. 

“C’mon you’re drunk, just stay with me, I’ll take you home in the morning”

I felt like I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t feel safe. I just wanted to go home. So I avoided Kells’ arms and went back to the bed to forget everything that just happened.

I heard him walk out and close the door behind him.

Then I let my tears fall until I fell asleep.

                                    ***********

I spent the first few weeks ignoring his calls.  Laying in bed, cutting everyone from my life. Questioning if he even wanted me or wanted to be with Emma, his baby momma. 

He made a daughter with someone else. That was supposed to be me, my child. We talked about kids.

I couldn’t get up from bed, I couldn’t even go to school. I couldn't bring myself to eat. I avoided looking into mirrors because than I would have to face the cold hard ugly truth. That I still wanted him. That I felt insecure, not good enough, worthless. K shouldn’t be with someone so damaged like me. 

I was beyond repair. He deserved someone nice, pretty, and innocent. Not a whore like me, not damaged goods. I was afraid that he would eventually see me how I saw myself. Pathetic, unloved, and unwanted.

It was my fault for believing someone like me could have good have things. All I felt was shame for telling the truth, for telling him what I went through. I wish I could hide from what happened and suppress the memory, like I was so good at doing, shutting it off and being numb. But my chest felt heavy as if it happened yesterday. K came over to check on me much to my bipolar dismay and happiness.

“I am mad I did this to you” he brushed back the strands of hair that covered my face. I didn’t really say anything to him. What else was there to say.

“I want you, and I know you still want me” he croaked. He carefully brushed my tears away, I could almost forget the pain.

“I’m hurt” I coarsely responded. “I’m hurting real bad” I broke down in tears. He held me as sobs racked my body. I cried in a fetal position. He continued to apologize. I wondered the more he apologized, would I become desensitized?

“Don’t be sorry for making her, she don’t deserve that”

He nodded. “I’m sorry that my actions hurt you” he re-worded. “It’s not the same without you, girl” he blurted.

“You are my friend, I don’t wanna stop loving you. You the only one I trust most days, whose in my corner. I fucked up, I’m taking accountability and owning up to the things I’ve done like a man. I am not perfect. I just... I realize I love you more than myself, no one wants to lose their girl, you my heart, you have my heart no one but you Sash. If you want me gone I leave but I’m not going down without a fight” he wiped a tear from his face.

“I don’t want you to leave and that’s the problem” I looked into his eyes.

He grabbed my neck and brought his lips to mine. I forgave him just as quickly. I still stayed with him. I don’t know why but I felt lost without him. I didn’t want to imagine my life with him, not in it.

Months passed and Emma finally gave birth to Casie. She was the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen. I wasn’t allowed to hold her or be in the room with Emma, she hated the fact K still wanted to be with me, I felt horrible about the situation, the guilt ate at me whenever I heard Casie’s name. 

Emma wasn’t feeling me and demanded that I wasn’t allowed near Casie.

K was dating Emma too, up until I find out. Emma didn’t know, I didn’t blame her. It was what it was. There was no time to change what happened. I tried to be understanding. I didn’t want to break up with K, therefore, I had to move on from the past.

I couldn’t change what he did. I just had to deal with it. 

Eventually, Emma got over it too, she was actually.... nice. She let me babysit Casie while Kells was at work and she was at class at her college. Since K semi-lived with me and wanted to be with Casie at all times, Emma moved in with us. She could no longer live on campus with Casie. 

I learned to love them, they were my family in some weird blended way. But it worked. We went through so much together. 

I really did love him and I was ready to show him that.

                                    ***********

I continued to rinse my body from the soap, I set my washcloth down, I turned off the water and began to towel dry. I walked into my room drying my hair. 

K had my baby oils in his hands.

“Hi baby” He smirks knowingly. I sigh and move towards the dresser grabbing the lotion. Kells snatches it out of my hands.

“You just gonna ignore me like that,” he says.

“Yes, give me back the lotion, I’m not playing around with you. I don’t want to be ashy” I rolled my eyes.

“Get on the bed, I’m finna give you a massage from head to toe. I want you to relax” He kisses my neck.

“I have to detangle my hair first” I give in.

He playfully takes my hand and leads me to my bed. He grabs some conditioner and runs it through my thick tresses of curly hair.

I sighed. He tentatively combed through it, the feeling reminded me of when my grandma combed through my hair when I was a child. It was a very intimate moment between Kells and I. Sharing a part of me. Knowing that he doesn’t know anything about black hair and how it’s one of our sacred pillars. But he’ll learn with the help of me and Emma, cos now he has Casie.

“You know I love you, right?” He rhetorically asked. I sighed. I felt my self relax under his ministrations.

“Yeah” I moaned. I closed my eyes leaning into his warm hands. I felt safe with him.

“I know baby, I’m going to take care of you” I could feel his smirk radiate off his face. We sat in comfortable silence as he worked his way through my tangled curls.

“All done” He pressed a kiss on my shoulder. He set down the comb and gestured for me to lay on my stomach. 

He trailed up my calves.

He then gives me a paper plate of strawberries.

“Dipped Chocolate strawberries with a chocolate drizzle, special order.”

“Did you make this?” I laugh at him “Wow you really are crazy”

He sets the plate by the nightstand. He leans down and picks up one of the plump strawberries, taking and rubbing it over my lips, moistening them with its juices.

“Is this what you were planning, I been told you I am ready to have sex, I don’t need all this extra shit, you know”

He lowers his voice and leans in close to me. “Bitch Imma cater to your every need…” and here he pushes the tip of the strawberry into my mouth slowly, “but I’m kind of selfish cos I love tasting your lips after you’ve eaten fruit and chocolate.”

I bite down slowly, eyes never leaving his. Once I finish swallowing, he kisses my lips sensually. Capturing my tongue with his, I’m so happy my white boy has lips.

“Now, I know you think you can just walk in here and take me…” he jokes seductively. I start to laugh, but he silences me with a quick, chaste kiss on my lips.

“But I want you to relax fully so I can finally fuck this…” he slaps my left ass cheek “juicy ass of yours. Help me, help you” he smacks the right cheek playfully.

He then lightly run his fingers over my eyelids, instructing me to close my eyes. I give in. He leans down so his mouth is right next to my ear.

“Don’t move, except to finish off these strawberries. I’ll be right back.”        

I stay true to my word by not peaking and eating my strawberries. I hear Kells moving around the room. Music begins to play ever so softly, some sultry R&B music to set the mood. As I’m about to pick up a strawberry, it’s taken from my hand.

K then lowers it to my lips, once again tracing it slowly along my upper and lower lip. Then, he drags it down my chin, under my jaw, down my neck. He moves the delicacy slowly, teasingly, my lips part and tilts my head in the opposite direction, baring my neck to him. Sucks on the juices that have dripped on to my neck, sucking the flesh just enough to leave redness.

“Sasha, open your eyes.”

I look at him longingly. He brings the strawberry up to his mouth, where his tongue circles it once before placing the entire berry inside of his mouth and slowly drawing it back out again. Then, he moves it back into my mouth and slides it slowly in about halfway.

“Eat, Sasha.”

I take a bite, and chocolate and strawberry juice leak out on my lips and chin. He gets down on one knee beside me, leaning down and licking me clean with his mouth, slowly, carefully, giving me time to swallow the bite I’ve taken before he moves to kiss me fully on the lips again. After a few seconds, he breaks off, placing the rest of the strawberry in my mouth for me to eat. He drops the stem on the nightstand, then wiping the remaining saliva that he left with a warm washcloth.

He catches my chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting my head up and back so I can look him into his darkened irises.

“I have been thinking all day about ways to fuck you over and over and over”

My eyes never leave his. “What are you waiting for?”

“I want you completely relaxed, so I’m gonna massage every inch of you.”

I sigh in content.

“Everything about you just makes me want to be inside of you”

He asks me to scoot up on the bed and lay across the middle so he’ll have room to work. As I get into position, he leans over to the nightstand and grabs the baby oil.

I flip my head to one side, bringing my arms to rest my head.

He opens the bottle and pours some of the oil onto my back, making me flinch at the coldness of the liquid. He climbs onto the bed and straddles my butt. I feel his hard-on pressed against my ass. He places his hands in the middle of my back and begins slow, smooth strokes, pushing gently and working in symmetrical patterns on either side of my spine.

He kneads out whatever knots he finds in my shoulders and neck, and really massage my entire back. He makes sure to keep using plenty of the oil. I’m starting to fall into a deep state of calmness. Once the oil been spread through my arms, ass, and legs, stomach. From front to back. He turns me again on my stomach. He switches to a warming oil placing his hands on both of my hips, deep pressing massage of both of my ass cheeks. He leaves no part of them untouched – from the swell at my lower back to their outer edges where they wrap into my hips to the defined slope that meets the top of my thighs and to the thin crack, he spends lots of time working them with his fingers and palms. He slips his hands down my body and massages my pelvic bones and where my thigh meets the flesh part of my pussy. Ghosting around the area of where I want him the most.

With a generous amount of the oil, he starts to work on my legs again. Moving his way down from my ass to my feet, he lovingly and deliberately caresses every inch of my right leg, pushing, kneading, pressing as he goes. Once he finishes the back of my right leg, he changes the position so he is closer to my feet. He bends my right leg, bringing that foot up to his eye level. He steadily and with great care gives me a prolonged foot massage. He makes sure to massage each and every toe, in between my toes, my heel, the bottom of my foot, the arch, the top – everywhere. When he is satisfied with his work on my right foot, he gently lays that leg down and repeats the process on my left one. I was starting drift into some type of place between heaven and earth.

He finishes back at the base of my ass and straddles me once more, leaning down close to my ear.

“So, how did that feel?”

“Mmmmm, gooood,” I half reply, so focused on his hands.

I lie before him, naked, he just sits staring at me for a couple of minutes. He refocuses and stands at the side of the bed and reaches out for his hand for me. “Wanna help me get comfortable?” I grin.

He smirks at me. I roll over toward him, immediately going the band of his underwear. He lets his hands wander over my hair, shoulders, face, and head as I shed him of his piece of clothing,

“What can I say? Less is more sometimes.” He jokes.

I shake my head and laugh. As I remove his underwear, it not even over his ass before his erection springs straight out, practically jumping into my mouth. He kicks the boxers away. I lean forward, mouth open, tongue sticking out, and lap his head twice. He pushes my head back while leaning his hips away from me. 

“Not yet,” he reprimands.

I frown just a bit but play along. He pushes me back down onto the bed.

He oils up once more and positions himself again toward my legs and feet, but this time he spread my legs just enough so he can kneel in between them. With one hand on each leg, he renews my massage, slowly and steadily working my way up to my inner thighs. He clamps his hands firmly on the tops of my thighs and blows cool air on my heated core. He trails his hands firmly up my thighs and back to my hips.

My hips are bucking up, pressing into his hands, arching to get that much closer to his face, his mouth, his tongue. He takes one finger and swiftly moves it along my slit, past my opening, and down into my crack. I gasp softly, eager for the feel of something hard against my apex.

“Not yet,” he whispers roughly.

I groan in response. His ministrations intensify, squeezing and pulling on my flesh everywhere surrounding the one place we both want him to touch. He brings himself higher up my body and lets his hands travel my abdomen. He uses flat hands and broad strokes on my ribs and stomach.

He purposefully ignores my breasts as he works even higher, just to tease me some more. He moves to my arms, using both hands first on one then the other. When he gets to my fingers, he massages each one individually. When he is finally finished with my thumb, I practically rip my hands out of his.

“You done, yet?”

He laughs softly, pleased to see me worked up, “Not yet,” he replies once again.

I’m not happy. “Kells, you are petty…” I begin in my most frustrated tone yet. He stops my words with his mouth, but firmly pressing, nipping and inviting my mouth to silence. He pulls away, moving his hands to either side of my hair, threading my fingers close to her scalp. 

“Close your eyes,” he whispers whisper.

He massages my scalp, forming small circles with each of his fingers as I slowly rotate my spread hands around my head. I moan, satisfied temporarily – He knows how much I enjoy this particular feeling.

He pulls his hands from my head, leaning down to kiss me lightly on my cheeks and temples, and then whispering in my ear, “I hope you’re still hungry. I know I am.”

He scoots me over onto the bed as he lays in the middle, lifting me onto his body, gesturing me to sit on his face. He pushes my back down so I’m face to face with his erect cock.

“Do you see how hard I am? Thinking of my dick in your mouth? I can’t wait to feel you lick me. I only want to feel your mouth. No hands allowed. Not yet.”

I crane my neck just slightly so I can capture his cock with my lips. He lowers my pussy onto his face and dives in with his tongue. He places his hands on both ass cheeks spreading them, as his tongue thrust in and out of my center.

I’m so wet. He moans loudly as continues his assault. He begins to suck and lick my soft, fleshy pink folds, lapping them with his tongue. He let his chin rub my clit a few times, causing me to grind into his face as I open my mouth wide enough to gasp loudly while his cock still fills my mouth. He stops for a moment when I begin bobbing my head up and down, taking more of him into my mouth. He then buries his face in my pussy as he uses his tongue to attack my clit. I cry out shaking the muscles in my thighs.

He sits me up so that I can release his cock in my mouth. He takes his fingers and plunges two of them into me without warning. Sitting on his face like this made me feel so vulnerable. I cry out, loudly, begging for more. Kells responds by pumping his hand in and out of me in a slow but forceful rhythm. At the same time, he uses his other hand to start rubbing my clit, gradually building up speed and pressure. His tongue licks my second hole, the feeling is strange but it feels so good since his tongue is so close to my pussy. He licks the bridge between the two holes making me convulse.

I kept grinding into his face as his fingers and tongue work furiously.

“You are so fucking hot. I want to feel you cum all over my fingers. That’s it”

Once I grab his thighs to keep me from falling, he curls his fingers inside of me now. He pulls his fingers out quickly and leaving me stranded. As he lifts me off of his face, I look at him with utter confusion, rapidly changing into frustration.

I go to finger myself but he grabs me by the wrist. “Not yet. Trust me.”

He flips me over onto my side and curling my body in on itself, almost in a fetal position. He snakes one hand in between my legs and up to my slick center as he quickly opens the drawer of the bedside table and starts pulling items out.

I try to look over my shoulder at what he is doing, but he slides me toward the edge of the bed, my ass in his view. He uses his hand to start bringing my wetness down and over toward my ass, up to my crack, toward my back hole.

He keeps his left hand busy stroking me and teasing my clit. He flips open the cap on the lubricant and pours it on my ass crack.

He runs his hand up and down my crack, spreading the lubricant as he moves. He adjusts my legs giving him a clear view of my anus. He rubs his hand all over my ass and hip.

“Kells, I really, really need to come right now.”

He used both hands to part my legs enough so he can slide a finger inside me once again. “Not yet, love. Not yet.”

I clench my thighs around his hand.

“Squeeze you’re nipple for me.”

I obey. My hand starts squeezing my breast and pinching my nipple. He slowly starts to slide something in my ass. It was small and cylinder-like. Maybe a candle.

“Oh! Mmmmmm! Mmmhhh!”

I was making so many sounds. He slowly began to slide the small object in and out, making sure to not lose his grip on it.

“Do you like that, Sasha? Do you like feeling something up your ass like that?”

“Yes,” I breathe out.

“I love filling up your ass.”

He plays with this small thing another minute or two. He pulls out the object and positions something fleshy and thick at my entrance. He presses gently, just barely entering me. I gasp a bit and he stops but doesn’t pull out. He then sticks two fingers from his other hand thrusts them into my pussy and fingering me again. I moan loud again, and I writhe in reaction, I actually push my ass against his finger and it slides in a bit more.

The feeling is intense, even with just his pinky. It’s so tight. It feels too good. I try not to wiggle, but his fingers gently working together, getting deeper and deeper, a bit at a time. It’s all the way in.

He squeeze my ass with the rest of his hand as his pinky backs out just a touch and then slides in again. With his other hand, he repositions so he can put his fingers inside my pussy and use his thumb on my clit. His three fingers felt so amazing, filling me up.

He starts pumping his fingers in and out of my pussy and his pinky thrusting in my ass. The feeling gets to be too much, filling me up and all my senses occupied. I was a mess. I was drenching his fingers I was so turned on.

“I love having my finger up your ass.”

“Me too” I try to get out. I was so distracted by his fingers, everything felt so right, so good.

He continues pumping his fingers in and out of me and just using his pinky to exert the right amount of pressure.

I can’t help but let my mind think about how nasty this is, he was filling two of my three holes at the same time.  

“I wanted to fill you up tonight.”

He slowly pulls out his pinky out of my ass and then frees his other hand from my folds as well.

“Come sit on my face again.”

I do what I’m told. He sits me down so that my knees are on either side of his head, and I’m holding my weight up by palming the bed. He uses his thumb to circle my clit. Then, he slides his thumb down my slit, and into my pussy, pressing his hand so that his fingers push firmly into my crack.

He continues to work his thumb in and out of me. He gets harder.

“Take my cock in your mouth.”

I lick his dick from its base to the tip and he moans in pleasure.

His moans encourage me and coax me to take more of him. My free hand comes up to grab his shaft and he shudders as my head disappears into my wet, warm mouth. I moan in pleasure, and he squeezes my pussy in response. All our movements gain speed and intensity as we work on each other.

I hiss softly as I feel him suck the skin of my inner thigh, at the same time I clench my pussy around his thumb.

He slowly, gently starts inserting his middle finger up my ass. I’m so turned on knowing that I had his cock in my mouth while his finger up my ass, his thumb in my pussy.

“Come on, my little slut, show me who is Daddy’s girl, show me whose pussy this is.” He pushes my head forward a little, forcing more of his throbbing cock in my mouth. “I can feel you squeezing my thumb, getting wetter and wetter.” He buries his thumb as deeply into me as he can. “And I can’t tell who enjoys my finger up your ass more – me or you.”

I’m grinding onto his hand, hard, and my mouth is working him furiously. He pushes into me in all three places at the same time, and tightens his grip on my hair as well. I’m close, so close. I feel my wall tighten. My thighs jerk and shake, with waves of pleasure that follow, and then finally I release.

He then inserts a butt plug into my ass.

I’m gasping now, my head collapsed on my upper arm, my eyes closed. I’m so relaxed, I feel like jelly.

Slowly he pulls his thumb out. I still haven’t said anything, and I’m lying there, trying to figure out how to breathe again. I feel him lift me off his body, pulling me to the center of the bed.

He then gets something from the drawer.

He spoons me, lying as close to my backside as he can, and lean in to whisper in my ear. His rock hard cock is poking me right in the ass, and he positions us so that it can snake its way in between my cheeks. I’m still slick there, and he moans so quietly, I think I’d imagined it.

“I’m not done with you, yet.”

“Mmmmmm…” is the only reply I’m capable of right now, apparently. He nibbles on my ear lobe and uses his tongue on that special spot.

My legs clench together and my hand reaches for his, intertwining our fingers and then placing my palm on my breast.

He squeezes my boob tightly. He flips me over onto my stomach, then with one hand on each hip, he pulls my midsection up, getting me on my knees with my arms extended out in front of me. I’m still floppy.

He scoots behind me. He grabs the lubricant once more and slather it up and down his shaft, then all over his head. He places his hands on my hips again and coaxes me up to the right height.

He reaches one hand around my side and slides it up and down my pussy, drenching it in my wetness, then lightly begins circling and rubbing my clit. His cock is pressing into my ass, and his gentle movement is driving me crazy.

“Give me your hand, Sasha.”

I groan, but slowly bring one of my arms back so that my hand meets his at my center. He takes my fingers and coats them with his own before sliding them up and down my pussy. Then, using my finger, he starts to work my clit once more.

“Now keep touching your clit, baby. But not yet.”

He then slides his lubricated cock into my pussy. I felt so full, too full. I just wanted him to move.

He lets go of my hand and continues fucking me, slowly. He straightens back up and uses both his hands to squeeze my cheeks, rubbing them and digging his thumbs into my pliant flesh.

He spread my cheeks and teases my anus with the butt plug.

“I get so hard looking at your fat ass.” He slowly pulls out the butt plug, I can feel my anus gape for attention.

He pulls out of my pussy and positions his cock against my asshole.

He gently leans into me and slides into me, slowly but firmly, and the feeling is so so so good. He is so big and I’m so tight. I squeeze his dick and the sensation is overwhelming. I can already feel another orgasm building as I whimper.

“Oh my god…” I cry softly.

“I…oh, Colson,…I’m about to cum!”

He is squeezing my hips and ass so tightly the surrounding skin is turning white. His thrusts are hitting me so hard, I can feel Kells’s erratic thrusting deep within my ass and pussy.

“FUCK! SASHA!” He spasms and shoots his load in my ass. My pussy releases with a gush, I can feel the liquid on my thighs, my hands. I can feel I splashed K’s thighs from his light thrusting. I can’t see for a few seconds, and my whole body is twitching and convulsing and squirting from the aftermath. I can feel his cum in my ass.

I collapse. He is still hard, but he slowly backs out of me before I completely tumble onto the bed in a messy heap, my asshole still gaping. Kells rolls to the side, behind me once again, and pulls me into his arms, kissing whatever part of my head he can reach.

My pussy has repeated slight tremors.

“Holy shit that was…” He can’t even finish.

I tilt my face back to look at him.

“Oh, shit. What’s wrong? Are you okay? Why didn’t you stop me? Did I hurt you, Sasha?”

I shake my head and lightly kiss his lips.

“No, no. Nothing is wrong. That was just so…intense.” My voice is weak.

He is not convinced. “Why are you crying, then? Please, tell me if I hurt you.”

I go to wipe my eyes, seemingly surprised to find them wet. “I didn’t know…I’m not really crying. I don’t know. Kells, you didn’t hurt me.”

“I don’t understand,” is all he can get out.

“You were just so…good. I felt so filled, I didn’t know sex could feel like that.” I look down shyly. “I thought I was gonna hate myself, but I feel so much for you”

“You make me feel loved, I never knew what that felt like Sash”

I kissed his lips. He pulled back from me. I made a face. He caressed my bottom lip with his thumb. He smiles so dopey. He pulls me closer to him, I’m realizing how much he completes me. I snuggle into the crook of his neck and inhale his scent. I laid my hand on his chest, as I felt his heartbeat. I never wanted to leave, I was in too deep. I was falling deeper down this rabbit hole. He had me feeling dizzy and lost like Alice in Wonderland.

I was starting to feel attached, I couldn’t let go or walk away even if I wanted to. I had myself most days but with him I had a family, I had people who loved me. I had friends. I had him. 

He’d always have me, more than I’d like to admit. 

I know the future doesn’t exist and the past is padded by nostalgia and memories, but I just wanted to live with him, in the present, gripping on to every second, breathing in his scent, learning his naked truths, and holding on to every word, it’s all I had. I just wanted to live in, now, in time, I hoped to wake up to him every morning doing these exact things.

I don’t remember a time where I existed without him. 

I needed him. 

Even though I had a small feeling he didn’t need me the same way I needed him.

                                    ***********

When K signed the record deal with Diddy, our fate was destined to fall apart. Our life changed. I had to finish high school while he went on tour. I stayed with Emma and Casie. 

He told me he wanted an open relationship. I agreed cos I didn’t want to fight. He said he’d always use a condom. I trusted him.

He’d texted me every time he’d meet and fuck someone. The rule was no more than three times. 

He said he really wanted to be with me and would think about me when he was with the other girls.

My insecurities were heightened. I didn’t feel our relationship was strong enough, maybe I wasn’t enough for him, maybe someone better would take him away from me. But I made sacrifices for him. 

This was his dream. 

This was going to be his life.

“You know how Colson is, Sasha, he’s a fuck dude, period. Look at us, bitch. Look at what he did to us, we looked stupid as hell over some white dick? Casie and you were really the best things that came out of that situation” Emma concluded. She sipped her wine.

I sighed, she was right. K wasn’t healthy for me. I just didn’t care.

“Good luck to you girl, I have my problems separately from that man but lemme tell you, you deserve so much better than him. ” She pecked my forehead lovingly and walked into her room.

I sat by myself, alone. How was she was so strong, how could she move on from him after he broke her heart? It’s cos she had a daughter to love and support, she couldn’t afford to depend on K’s broken promises.

And those broken promises were all I had to hang on to, that’s what made me even more pathetic. I wasn’t self-sacrificing or altruistic, it was cos I hated myself, cos I believe I couldn’t do better. Cos I was convinced I only wanted and loved him. But where was his loyalty to me? 

Was I mad cos I loved him more than he loved me. Or was it because he didn’t have insecurities the way I did. That he was better off without me, that he could exist without me, that he could love without me. That I didn’t own him or define him. Did those things upset me, or was it that it was the opposite for me. That he owned me.

I was delusional so I avoided the sixth sense that would have told me to leave him from the first red flags and inconsistencies.

                                    ***********

K came back a year and a half later. Casie was 3. I graduated high-school. He stopped music for a little. Casie was so young when K was around and couldn’t remember who he was. 

I could tell how broken-hearted he was. He was close to giving up because she wasn’t accepting him. Emma was mad at him for treating their kid like a stepchild. They would fight constantly. They just needed some time. K barely came to the apartment.

Kells fell into a deep depression, Casie didn’t love him and his mother returned for about two weeks.

He hadn’t seen her since she left him when he was 12. He was depressed cos his music career was not panning out the way he wanted. 

I was there to heal him. Soothe him. 

Mend his broken heart while mine was freshly glued back together, holding him up with my brittle bones, basically breathing for him while I drowning. 

I was only 18. I felt like a mother, wife, friend, and therapist constantly trying to cater to Kells. Yet I still wasn’t enough. 

Cos he had other relationships behind my back. He was a grimy ass dog. 

Eventually, I just stopped confronting him cos it would always end in the same fight. 

It wasn’t until his bitch came to Ashleigh’s house looking for K which confirmed everything I needed to know, so I went to the hotel he was staying at like the crazy ass bitch I was going to fight her. 

                                    ***********

“How you think it was okay for you to bring some rent-a-hoe with you on tour and post a bunch of pictures of her on your social media, that ain’t cute. You don’t fucking care, how you gonna kiss that grimy ass bitch in my fuckin face” I clap my hands in his face on the beat of my words. 

“This bitch is a fuckin crab, all up on me and my mans and as soon as I’m gone she fucks you? I want to send this bitch in a bag to get cremated. I’m not like these valley bitches, K don’t get shit twisted cos Imma fuck ha ass up, this bitch thinks she can fuck my man, oohhhh, this bitch lost her goddamn mind, tell me how did it feel to fuck a bitch built like a skinny dude, that shit felt good to you?”

I saw Ashleigh smirk at me. Slim, Dre, and Dub were minding their business, as they should. Of course, Rook, who was the new one, was backing K up like a fuckin puppy. 

“Why were you letting her touch you like that, I know damn well y’all were definitely fucking, the bitch looks like you, how you that conceded? You nasty, you fucking disgust me, how dare you come up in this house, acting like we good. You fucking Becky now? That’s what we doing? Did you ask ha how my pussy taste? She all back, no ass, no tiddies, how many times am I gonna tell you if you gonna cheat you better cheat on a bitch badder than me, all the bitches you fuck are ugly, dead ass.” I pushed his forehead with my acrylic nail. 

“It’s not that fuckin deep, Sasha” he shook his head.

“Imma show that bitch to the muthafuckin concrete, I rip each strand out ha head, ya heard” I point in his face. He slaps my hand out of the way.

“You know what FUCK YOU AND YO PETTY ASS ” he clenches his jaw.

“No, FUCK YOU BITCH, I’m petty? Bitch you ain’t see petty, yet. Petty is me pulling badder bitches and fucking them while you watch. Petty is me changing the damn locks on the door so you can’t see your fucking kid that you haven’t seen in three years. You don’t want to see petty, so you best talk to the bitch who still humble cos in a few seconds if your attitude don’t change, you gon’ make the petty jump out” I stared at him incredulously. 

“I don’t get why you gotta be so mad, like it’s over, we get it, I fucked up. let’s move on” he hit the back of his hand with his palm like he was making an actual point.

“I’m mad cos you cosigning Becky plumping her lips, tryna act black like she was raised in the hood, tryna be down, but the fact you fucked some imitation of me really gots me fucked up, why entertain these copy and paste ass bitches, when you got the blueprint in front of you, you know I got a problem with ignorant ass bitches” I gritted out my teeth. I threw my hands in the air “You never ride for me, never defend me, there is no loyalty, it’s the fuckin principle, it shows me that ignorant people don’t bother you, especially when they hurt me.” I yell in his face. He pushed me out of his way and continued to walk out the kitchen, and I followed right behind him, like white on rice.

“That bitch wouldn’t make it over here, drop ha ass over here, watch her ass shake in her fuckin boots, let her get shot at, let’s see how much she like the hood, fuck her and her white ass” I yell from the top of my lungs.

“Your bringing old shit up, I fucked her already, I ain’t gonna take it back, I wanted to fuck her because she look like you but I ain’t gotta deal with your fuckin attitude, loud mouf, and ungratefulness.” he threw back. I started laughing at him. Is his bitch ass serious? I look like that mutation whew child he needs to get his eyes checked out. 

“Please let me stop you there, I look nothing like that cracker with her life jacket lips, so when you drown back in your ways make sure you call her to save you” I started laughing. “You know what really kills me is the fact you didn’t even try to hide it, like you just flaunted your relationship everywhere with these bitches for the whole world to see, like I’m the side bitch” I fucking laugh at him.

“Get the fuck over it, it already happened I can do shit to change it, it’s not like I’m tryna marry these hoes like you said I fucked up” he admitted but there was no remorse, he could do whatever the fuck he wanted cos he was a ‘rockstar’. This fuckin piece of white trash has the audacity to treat me like I’m the fucking disposable one. 

I throw whatever I could get my hands on at his direction.

“YO WHAT THE FUCK” he yelled at me.

“I’m two fucking seconds from breaking your fuckin neck. The issue is that you cheated on me with bitches for years, I agreed to these little arrangement but you fucking crossed the line and push it too far each time, it never stops with you. WE HAD RULES.” I yelled. Which was followed by silence? “Now some snow opossum shows up and you showing her out on vacations.  How the fuck you think this looks, I look stupid as fuck, see what you’re not finna do is make me look like a bird, because I will snatch you up and yo lil fold up chair ass having bitch” I started throwing all of the nice shit that was on the hotel counter at him. Making him suck his teeth.

“I can do whatever the fuck I want, bitch” he shouted over. 

“You the BITCH, only weak ass muthafuckas do the shit you do, this is why your parents left yo ass high and dry. I can fuck any man I want remember that. I will ruin your life, you can’t pull bitches badder than me” I shouted louder.

“You only hood pretty. No one wants to put up with your ratchet ass” he snaps.

“My man what the fuck are you? Poor white trailer trash dumpster juice ass bitch, no one wants you, you ain’t got no family, you own daughter don’t even know who you are, I’m the only one you got, remember that” I pushed his chest. 

He laughs. 

“This a joke to you, yeah hehehe muthafucka, but when I leave, you gonna be boohoohoo, right? They all leave anyways ass bitch” I mimicked him.

“Sasha, I’m not gonna stop fuckin bitches, and that’s that, you could scream, yell, fight with me all you want, but you ain’t gon stop me” he smirked like he won. 

“You can’t even be faithful for a gotdamn two seconds, I’m done.” I wave my hands in the air, and surrendered this toxic ass relationship. “I can’t do this with you, all this back and forth... for what? You constantly betray my trust. You have no consideration or respect, I can’t teach you empathy, you are a fuckin sociopath. We always finna have this problem, I’m tired of raising my voice,” I shake my head. I walk away from him. I’m fuckin out. I walk into the room.

“Where do you think you are going?” Kells yelled. Now, he want’s to communicate. He slammed the door behind us. 

“I’m going to pack my fucking bags and leave, I’m not enough for you, Imma leave and let you figure yo shit out, go fuck ya lil white bitch, I ain’t got time for this, I am 18, I got my whole life in front of me, I don’t need this” I laugh at his face.

“I don’t wanna fight with you, I was admitting my wrongs, I was coming clean, I’ll do whatever you want, I’m sorry, don’t leave me, you are all I got. Aight, I’m tryna change for you, for Casie. I’ll delete the pictures, baby.” He mood changed quickly.

“Oh so we singing the blues when you behind closed doors but you wanna call me out my name in front of everyone else, you ain’t a man K, you a boy, you weak minded, you don’t know how to treat a woman. You chose those bitches over me. You still lying to me, you think I’m stupid, I’m not one your groupies K, I knew you before rapping, before fame, before money. You don’t even have money now. I really wanna know how the fuck I am ungrateful? Please let me know?” I spit facts at him watching them hit him like small bullets.

“You the only real one I got, I’ll stop the lying. Okay, just don’t leave me” K looked at me like he always does. 

I knew he wasn’t serious, I stared into his eyes. He knew how to manipulate me fitting the situation. I let him. But I had to go this time. He chose someone else over me, he would do it again.

I walk away from him.

“Do not walk away from me when I’m talking to you” he grips on to my shoulders hard.

“Don’t fucking touch me” I flare my nose. I get in his face.“You betrayed me, I fucking feel destroyed right now, you were defending her, not me”. I reminded him.

I looked away from his face, I felt myself wavering. I had an hard exterior, but it was wearing off, cos every reaction was just masking the pain and hurt I felt. They were to come out anytime soon.

“C’mon baby, don’t cry. C’mere don’t leave” He kissed my neck. I put my lips close to his ear, “I’m gonna fuck Slim or Dre tonight maybe Rook too. You think they got your back, they would fuck me as soon as they had the chance” I whisper into his ear, I see him turn red with anger, he pushes me hard, and I fall onto the ground.

“I’d fuckin kill you and anyone who touches you, I drop yo ass soon as one of them muthafuckas touches you” he grits.

I pick myself up from the floor and defiantly stand tall in his face.

“Imagine if I treated you the way you treated me, you would have been left. My loyalty to you runs so deep. And here you are defending a raggedy ass bitch, you told me you ain’t ever touched her when I asked, and this whole time you sharing yourself with her, loving on her, thinking about her. You giving her the parts of you that you said were only for me. You hurt me cos you continued to see her, you let our friends meet her. Why should I fight for you, when you continue to show me that I’m so disposable to you?”

K pulled me into him, not letting me free.

“Don’t be touching all up on me” I tried to push him away from me, but he is too strong. 

“Stop being so damn stubborn” he says into my lips. I bit his lip and he lets go of my waist.

“You a fuckin cunt, this is why I don’t want you, you think I wanna constantly get attitude or put up with the fighting, with your insecurities, I could get any bitch to open up their legs for me. I fuck other people to get away from yo baggage, I need to get away from you, you are the hardest person to love ”

If thats how he felt, why stay with me still.

“You always do this. Anytime I try to leave you start blocking me and begging me not to go, you wanna act like I’m the one who did you wrong. You embarrassed me, you make ME look dumb, like I’m just some random bitch to you. I have never cheated on you and yet you sit here with this dumb ass face looking confused as to why I’m acting the way I do, what you said was the truth you can’t take it back. YOU SAID YOU WHAT YOU SAID” I throw my water at his face.

“Dont give me a reason to beat the shit outta you” he shouted.

“What you say to me?” I squint my eyes.

“You heard what I said” he elongated.

I nodded my head and I spun around and turned to get packed.

“Sasha I didn’t mean it, you make me crazy, please baby” he was blocking me from the room with all my shit inside.

“GET. OUT. OF. MY. WAY.” I spit. “You hit your other girlfriends, just me right, cos I just take it right, how come I only get the worse parts of you” I shout.

“Sasha I’m sorry” K begged. I passed him and he followed me into the hotel room, I got my suitcase out and started aggressively throwing my shit in the suitcase.

“No one wants to lose their girl, c’mon baby, stop playing, you know I’ll take care of you, I gotchu, stop messing around” He was taking the clothes out of the suitcase.

“Don’t touch my fucking shit, get out the room, I don’t want to see your face” he sat on the bed and it just irked me, so my mouth opened with no control.

“You a bum, you will never amount to anything, look at you, you a fucking broke ass bitch, yo record label wants nothing to deal with you, that’s why you track marks on ya fucking arms, you a crackhead and that’s all you will ever be” 

He snatched my make up bag from outta of my hand and threw it against the wall, he took all my shit and started breaking anything I owned. 

He grabbed on to me, even though I was fighting to leave.

“Let me go, K, I am leaving” I demanded.

“No the fuck you ain’t” he clasped on to my arms and threw me on the bed. So I pushed him back hard. He slapped my face hard ass hell leaving giant red mark.

I became enraged, I blacked out, I don’t remember what happened next I just know my hands were on that man, whew, you’re worst enemy wouldn’t want to feel my wrath. I was rabid. Foaming at the mouth, crying. It set me off. I was thrown and beat on like a rag doll by K. Slim and Ashleigh pulling us away from one another. I was fighting him back cos he hit me first. 

Kells and I did not give a fuck. We would just hit on each other cos we were looking to hurt one another as much as how fucked up we each felt inside. To be honest it was easier. I hated myself for saying that. Easier than actually facing the truth about us, about our relationship. It was easier to take the hit rather than the consequences, rather than the blame, rather than the reality of our situation, rather than trying to fix our trauma, pain, and hurt we held for ourselves and the actions the other person did. We both knew what was happening. We both knew we’d rather go through our shit together, then apart. I wanted him to hurt how he hurt me. Tit for mutha fuckin tat, period. 

Everyone was trying to stop me from getting out of the hotel room to find the girl, since she came back to K’s spot, like I knew she would. I wanted to fight her too. Then K would defend the raggedy ass bitch and it would send me down a whole other spiral. Of course once I calmed down while nursing an icepack on my eye.

“If you want me to stay, put my shit back where it belongs, I’ll send you an invoice for all the shit you broke dumb bitch” I said to his face and he just stuck his middle finger at me.

I had to stay with Ashleigh and her mom until my bruises went away, because if my brother found me like this he would kill Kells. Without hesitation.

I had to keep somewhat of a front. Around my brother, Emma, Casie, and the public. Inside our circle everyone knew, they knew, and they allowed us to be. I held a small amount of resentment for them, I always wondered if they even cared about me. What if K pushed it too far, what if it were to escalate and my lifeless body decorated the floor. Would they cover it up? I hated to think about that. I prayed K wouldn’t do me like that. Wouldn’t hurt me in that way.

I wish I believed he actually cared about me. But who was I kidding? Myself. I knew what I was getting into. I knew what he was. I couldn’t act brand new. I knew from this point forward, you really only had yourself. That was probably the most valuable lesson I learned from Kells.

                                    ***********

“YO, what the fuck is this, Sasha” I heard K’s voice in the bathroom. I rolled my eyes.

What was he complaining about now? I walked into the room, I saw his back through the door frame. 

“Yes,” I gave him attitude and monotonous voice.

He turned to face me holding up a pregnancy test. My face immediately paled.

“You’re pregnant” his face read a mixture of shock and disgusts.

I closed my eyes, embarrassed and afraid. How would he react? My eyes were holding in tears, my ducts were fully brimmed.

“I... uh....I.... yes, it’s mine” I tongued my cheek as I let the tears fall down my cheek.

“Why didn’t you fuckin tell me? I thought you were on the pill” he yelled

“I missed a few by accident, I was tryna figure out how to tell you, I didn’t want you to be mad at me. I already know what you’d say” I choked on the words.

“You finna get rid of it, today. You fuckin know I can’t have another kid, I barely know the kid I got now” he demanded.

I bowed my head down, maybe this kid could fix us.

“What if I want to keep it” I tried to say hopefully.

“You ain’t having my kid, Sasha, that’s final, I’m not gonna say anything else”

“You have a baby on me, now what? I can’t have a child cos you had one without me. You know Casie was supposed to mine, you know I was supposed to be her mom. How do you think I fucking feel, my own boyfriend doesn’t want me to mother his kids”

“That was supposed to be me, Kells, fuckin me. I raised Casie too, she’s my daughter too, but I can’t claim her like Emma can, like you can. I want my own child” I cried to him.

“Do whatever the fuck you gots to do, but choose wisely cos its either me or the bastard you got in yo stomach” he looked at me with disgust. 

Kells slammed the door to our room. I heard him yell at Emma. I dropped to the floor, it was like I couldn’t be without him. I rubbed my stomach sobbing softly into my chest. I was going to be a mother, I had to be strong for her, for my baby. Kells didn’t have to like it or not, but I was pregnant and I was having his baby. 

He walked out on me, it was his MO at this point. He always chose himself before he ever chose me. I was never his first choice. I got the cold shoulder from K for 2 months. He would look right through me, like I was transparent. He was so mad I was gonna have the baby. I was so stressed out, cos I had to get my shit in order. 

K was never with me, he missed doctor appointments, would sleep anywhere but with me. This went on for weeks. The hormones hit me, I would cry for him every night. Was my decision worth all this pain?

I woke up in a pool of blood and sharp pains coming from from uterus. I screamed for Emma, I was crying about the baby. She panicked and called 911. I passed out from the all the blood. I kept calling out his name, I was scared, I wanted him to be with me.

The doctors said my uterus was underdeveloped and damaged from sexual abuse. I wasn’t strong enough to carry a baby. I would have to get an abortion. 

I heard nothing but white noise. I wish my baby would have lived. I couldn’t save her, I was a bad and weak mother. I shouldn’t have yelled and worked myself up. I could never be a mother again, this is what he wanted all along.

This was all my fault. I should have listened to him. I was hysterically crying while they did the procedure, I had to be sedated. I could no longer breathe. How many times would I go through this alone? I woke up to Kells holding my hand. I felt dead, I didn’t even want to touch him. He squeezed my lifeless hand.

I didn’t cry this time. I couldn’t anymore. I felt hallow. I stared at the wall, was I not good enough?

“Sasha?” he waited to hear a response. I didn’t answer.

I barely acknowledged him.

“Sasha”, I couldn’t answer him.

“Baby”, nothing moved. I felt dead inside.

I was repulsed by myself, how could I let this happen.

“C’mon baby talk to me”, Kells was basically talking to the wall.

I had unshed tears in my eyes. Hadn’t I done enough crying? Why put someone through this pain. I internalized everything. How was I so blind? How come I wanted to die.

“What did I do wrong?” I beg him to answer me.

“Nothing, you didn’t do anything wrong” His hand tries to grab mine but I flinch away from him. “Sasha, please —”

“I don’t want to hear it”, I yell through my blurry eyes. “How do you even love me, I can’t even give you a baby, I can’t do anything right?” I turn to look at him while he sits on the hospital chair.

“I love you, you don’t need to give me anything—”. I look into his eyes. He didn’t want my child.

“I was supposed to protect you, he told me to protect you, and all I do is cause you pain” Kells admitted into my neck. I thought of the conversation my brother had with him. “He asked me to love you, to be there for you, to support you. He asked me if I wanted to marry you. I told him I knew you were it for me, no matter what. My best friend” K cried in remorse into my neck.

“Remember our ‘prom’,” he lifted his pinky and wrapped around my lifeless one. I was reminded of our inside joke. When he loved me, when he sold me a dream and I believed him. I was a fool. So young, naive, and impressionable. He sucked all the good years out of me. Through the years I’ve known him, loved him, I finally realized that it was a lie, a facade.

My chest swelled in pain. I wasn’t enough for him. I am not enough for anybody. No one loves me, not even the person who vowed to love and protect me. I break down and turn away from him, I can’t do this anymore, all I wanted was to love and be loved, but I can’t even manage that. 

I was discharged the next day. K came to pick me up. 

We didn’t say a word to one another. 

I felt worthless, unlovable, disgusting, stupid, ugly, I hated myself again. No one was going to pull me out of it this time.

As we got to the house, I wrapped myself in the comforter and swallowed myself in bed. I cried and cried until I couldn’t anymore. Kells tried to talk to me but I couldn’t even look at him, I lost his child, no wonder he didn’t love me.

I didn’t get out of bed until I had to pee, K fought with me to eat but I just cried more until he left me alone. Emma nursed me, she tried to talk to me but I just gave her soft smiles as she rubbed my back and helped me bathe.

“It wasn’t your fault, none of this” I looked in her eyes and she looked scared and guilty still.

She eventually left the room, I had heard her talking to Kells. I heard Emma crying about how thin I was, how she could see my hip bones jut out. I just went back to sleep, I didn’t care. K would try to coax me out of it, but I didn’t trust him anymore. I wanted to forget.

He came into our room and laid down next to me. He whispered he was sorry. I heard it so many times from him. I turned to face him, snuggled into his side, as he wrapped me tightly with his arms. I broke down crying into his neck. This was the first time I had human interaction in weeks. 

I started kissing his neck. K lightly pushed me away. It hurt me for him to reject me like that.

“Make me forget please, I don’t want to be here, please” I cried and begged. 

K pulled me into a searing kiss. He pulled away and gently brushed his thumb across my cheek to wipe away my tears.

“Don’t you ever say that” He scolded me.

“Fuck me, I need to feel something, I can’t feel anything anymore” I broke down. He wiped my tears. His whole demeanor shifted.

He ripped my panties in half and lifted me toward his face as he sat me on his tongue. I cried out in pleasure as he sucked my clit in between his mouth, I realized how much I missed him, I cried cos I felt guilty for feeling a sliver of happiness when I killed my own baby. 

I buckled my hips each time he began to change the motion and pressure with the pad of his tongue. I was almost there until he pulled me off of his face and lifted me on his hips. I took his hard cock and placed it at my entrance, he pistoled inside me slowly, torturing me. I met his slowed rhythm.

“Harder” I begged into his ear.

He pounded into me reaching my cervix. I moaned each time he hit so deep inside of me. He tried to control his rhythm but I felt him nearing the edge as his thrusting sped up I felt him thrust into me one last time as his cum shot inside of me. I got up from the bed and finally took a shower. I looked in the mirror and saw how bony I was, how my hips jutted out.

I need to let it all go, I had to cos if I didn’t I would never let myself heal.

                                    ***********

I no longer felt anything anymore about the former memory, it wasn’t even a baby yet, it never got the chance to fully develop. The kid was better off. 

I felt that way cos it was easier to cope. A piece of me died along with the dream of having normalcy. Even after three years, K somehow managed to fuck me over. That’s why we're brought back to the aftermath of another fight.

I tossed around in bed staring at the hotel ceiling, I couldn’t sleep, all the memories of Kells flooded my mind. He’s put me through so much shit. I am 21 years old, in the six years of being with him, what was there to show for?

Bruises, insecurities, and miscarriages. It was a history of betrayal and death. I shouldn’t be rewarded for the mistreatment I put up with, the pain I dealt with. I should have been treated the right way the first time.

He shouldn’t glorify that I am his ride or die. I was dying here. I mean he put me through it all... I was dragged into the mud, right with him. He affected every part of me. It wasn’t healthy. We were toxic.

We haven’t had an explosive fight like this for a while. The more K’s fame rose, we grew out of hitting each other, but there were times where we were couldn’t lie and pretend we weren’t both crazy. When you make it out of the hood, you don’t need to be tough and hard anymore. But certain situations bring out the true us.

He was my family, the only one left. He raised me, taught me everything about life. Taught me how to drive, about money, about houses, about it all. My brother was murdered in a drive-by around the time Kells was finishing General Admission, Tre left me. After his funeral it solidified, I would have no one if K left me too.

I hated feeling alone. I would get too far into my head, no one could pull me out except for him. He’d reassure me and validate that he loved me. It was just so hard to love myself. Would I always feel this way?

I heard the bed sink in. The covers were pulled over my head, I moaned at the sunlight exposing my vulnerability. I knew it was Kells, he couldn’t leave me alone, especially when he knew I was upset with him. He hated it when I was mad at him.

“I want to change, I really do” He whispered into the crook of my neck. 

I turned to him.

“I can’t love you like this K, I was thinking about us, and I always forgave you cos I truly believed you would treat me better, love me more. But I dealt with all the consequences of your mistakes. You take, take, take, and take. Then there is nothing left for me? I am not happy. Don’t get me wrong, I love you to the point I choose you over me, but I am miserable, alone, hurt. I keep giving you everything of me. I need action K. If you want me to stay, I need you to evolve, for me, for Casie, for Emma and especially for yourself”

“I essentially raised you, I taught you everything, I seen you grow up and you’re not that 16-year-old girl anymore. You’re a woman, you are not an extension of me anymore. You are your own person. I am so grateful for having you in my life, I’m so self-destructive. I look at you and see all the good in me, but I hate myself so much so I subconsciously push you away from me, cos I think I don’t deserve you. I got to work on me, we got to work on us. No more fighting, we are not those people anymore, we shouldn’t be putting hands on each other. I know we say sorry and act like everything is alright but we need to face our problems. It's you and me girl”

“You are all I have K. Tre’s dead, my father’s dead, my mother is in jail, she doesn’t even want anything to do with me. You are the only one to choose me, and it hurts when you choose someone else. I am so insecure, I just see red. I know you can’t be with only one girl, I’m just asking you to leave somethings that are only meant for me, I don’t want to change who you are, I don’t want to limit your experiences, but the other relationships behind my back hurts me, K, it kills me. Cos when you tell me you love me, it don’t mean the same anymore when I know you say that to someone else”

Kells has tears in his eyes. I wipe them away.

“Hey, what’s wrong, did I say something?” I softly say, concerned.

“I am afraid....” Kells begins but chokes up.

“What are you afraid to say to me?” I caress his face.

“I don’t want to say goodbye, please don’t leave me”  he begs me with tears in his eye.

“K, I’m not leaving you, you always have me, I am here” I stare into his eyes. 

He nods, “I’ll show you how much you mean to me, you have no idea, Sasha, I can’t live without you. I need you too, you are my best friend”

“Your actions say otherwise, what’s so wrong with me that you have to get from another female, what do you hate about our relationship?”

“Honestly, the limited time we have left together, I want to be with you for as long as I live, The other women, it’s just sex, but the feeling I have with you runs deeper than anything I feel, I am connected to you, I want forever with you”

He inched his lips towards mine, we slowly connected our lips with another, while our hands connected perfectly into the crease of our fingers, intertwined. He pulled back and kissed my bruised eye and nose. He just stared into my eyes, taking everything in, searching. 

“You’re mine, you’re me, don’t give up on me, this is what matters” He sears into my skin.

I closed my eyes, and moved closer to his body heat, I laid my face into the crook of his neck. I let go of his hand, and put my hand over his chest, watching him exhale and inhale. I wanted to be as close as possible to him. 

Maybe we could be better for each other...... or maybe not, but I came to the conclusion that I didn’t care. I could make all the false threats I wanted to. But I would stay with him. We’d die promising each other things that we didn’t mean. Maybe that’s just how we were.

He snaked his limbs around me tightly, I didn’t bite his fruit unwillingly. I could hear him, feel him burning in my veins.

He wiped away the tears I didn’t even know that fell.

I kissed him lightly as we consoled one another, sealing our fate.

“Make me forget” I kiss him again as he melts into my assault. 

K couldn’t resist sex, I guess I manipulated him too. I concentrate solely on his lips. As our mouths seek therapy in one another, swallowing each other, he massages the flat of my tongue, sloppily sucking on my bottom lip.

I want him to consume me. 

His kisses traveled from my jaw to my neck, suctioning my neck and moving down to my breast, and biting my nipples scraping them against his teeth, I throw my head back at the pain but at the same time, I feel a shock through my spine that reaches the bundles of nerves in my clit.

I pull his chin up to me and suck on his bottom lip biting him hard, as he growls into me. His attacks were getting aggressive. 

I liked being something he could throw around, I liked how he gripped me like I was gonna run. It made me feel something other than being alone, I felt wanted, needed. 

He was like heroin, eventually I was gonna overdose in a motel on a sheet-less bed and eyes rolled back. He was my drug, and like any addiction it takes over your life, it consumes you whole, leaving nothing in return but still leaving you chasing the feeling you’re so fixated on. 

It doesn’t matter because that high tops being crippled by reality.

He made me feel alive. He knew what buttons to press. He was my self-destruct button.

This fight, his grip on my hips were like talons, I felt myself bruising. I threw away the towel from his waist. I didn’t waste any time, I clasped his face in my hands kissed hard before pulling away.

“Fuck me like you’d fuck her,” I croak at him angrily from the tears stuck in my throat. I saw the fire burning in his eyes, I release my tears from the ducts.

K slammed my back against the bed so that he hovered over me, he thrusted into me with no remorse, he lifted my ass and maintained his tight grip on my hips and he met my pussy with firm thrusts, pistoling in out of me, I moaned in pleasure. 

K slapped my hands away from clit, he motioned me to clasp my legs around his back as he slammed into me while pinning down my arms. My back arched as he continued to hit my g-spot, getting deeper with each pound he gave. I felt my toes curl.

I felt him take one of his hands away from my wrist and then caress my throat, as he clasped tighter around it making it hard for me to breathe.

“Harder” I whispered.

“Shut the fuck up” He growled into my ear, and pounded harder and tightened his hold on my neck.

“You like it when I fuck you hard like this, huh” he yelled at me.

“You like it when you act like a dirty little slut” I felt my voice escape.

“How about when I fuck your tight cunt” he spit as he pinched my clit. I felt my thighs shake.

“How does it feel to be my fucking bitch, taking my whole cock” my eyes blurred with unshed tears.

“You like being choked, you like not fucking breathing as my cock is in you” I breathed through my nose threw the narrow airway he created.

“You like it rough, bitch” he smacked my ass.

“Fuck you’re so tight” he groaned

He released my neck and I gained some air in my lungs, he pulled out quickly and flipped my body so that I was on my knees. I felt his hard dick against my ass.

The sound of skin getting smacked rang throughout the room as I flinched, feeling my ass become hot with pain. Without sympathy he slapped the affected area again with a heavy hand, making me whimper into my pillow. I felt myself cry out.

“Scream my name” he demanded. I defiantly refused to play his game cos I wanted the consequence that came with that, the punishment.

He pulled my neck back with one hand, and with the other pulled my hair tight and angled my head so that my lips were exposed, I felt my back arch like it would snap in half. 

He stuck his fingers in my mouth “Suck” he commanded. He spits onto my tongue and I swallowed it with the three fingers he jammed in my throat.

He removed his fingers out of me and slapped my face. I groaned as the heat spread through my body.

I felt his hard cock search for my gaping pussy. Once I felt the head of his dick with no hesitation he pistoled in me. His clasp on my neck tightened, I screamed as his dick filled me whole. His hold on my hair was yanked before he released it and massaged my asshole. The juices between us were streaming, and he slipped his thumb inside.

“My little slut likes it up her ass just as much as her cunt” his hand around my neck tightened.

I felt my pussy clench around his dick as he angled my body with his hips, curving his cock inside of me.

“You like being filled like this” he hummed against my throat biting down on my jugular vein.

I slung incoherent expletives as my thighs shook and my stomach coiled as I felt the wave of pleasure course through. His thrusts became irate and erratic before his last thrust slammed into me as my pussy continue to milk his cock, I felt his hot semen spurt into me as he groaned into my ear and slowly thrust in me before he came to a stop. He released my neck and I wilted away into the bed. I felt him pull out as his cum, that warmly seeped out from in-between my cool thighs.

“I promise. I’ll try” Colson heatedly answered. He laid down beside me as I curled into a ball facing him.

I looked at him with tears in my eyes nodded before kissing the corner of his mouth. He turned towards me and grabbed the base of my neck, capturing my lips in a gentle kiss. He pulled away and snuggled himself into my body. He traced the red streaks he left on my neck with his index finger.

He lifted my leg and wrapped it around his stomach as he slid back into me, I moaned into his lips.

We laid there connected, feeling the presence of one another.

This high didn’t compare to anything.

I couldn’t get enough of him.

Entangled in one another with our fucked up minds.

He’ll say, “tell me losing everything is what saved you. I saved you. Tell me you love that I destroy you. Don’t lie to me. 

Tell me you need me. Please. You are the bones of my spine. You are the ground beneath my feet. You are made of deeper stuff than the earth can give. Admit it: you are lost without me. Can you even imagine yourself without me? 

You must know loneliness, must sometimes want nothing more than to be trapped in a hell of forevers. Thank me. 

I’ve given you forever”

I am his Persephone, undying and trapped under his love, forever.

[staliasjeronica]

Riverdale 3.05 Thoughts *Spoilers*

- I’m still so pissed that Jughead brought my core 4 into this. Like, we know they’re not stupid so THANKS FOR MAKING THEM JOIN A GAME THAT HAS BEEN FUCKING KILLING PEOPLE JUGLYFUCK.

- Rob Raco is so fucking gorgeous. But I couldn’t help myself and saw spoilers so i’m mad. But i’ll rant when it comes up.

- Of course Joaquin fell... but ARCHIE THE TRUE FUCKING KING OF RIVERDALE BLOCKS HIM FROM BEING SHOT. Ya’ll really queerbaited the fuck out of us huh. Bitches.

- I can’t believe they’re actually making me agree with Betty. What the fuck lmao JUGHEAD YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SANE ONE WHO TRIES (and usually fails) TO KEEP BETTY FROM DOING STUPID SHIT.

- Oh my GOD Jughead... you guys didn’t even know the game yet. Real life “quests” aren’t a part of the game you jackass. Jesus.

- Even though Jug is going fucking crazy... why does he actually look all cute and innocent? What is this episode doing to me? Also how is his creepy, mind-controlled-like demeanor much more tolerable than how he usually acts?

- Lmao Betty is so pissed that her boyfriend isn’t doing what she wants. It’s a nice rarity to see, even though Jug is trippin. If only they would allow him to be his own person in general.

- YES VERONICA GIVE HIRAM’S BITCH ASS THE SILENT TREATMENT.

- Wow, Hiram really is a dickhead for telling this all to Veronica simply to fuck with her. Also is it just me who somehow didn’t realize he had a tattoo?

- Why do they make Veronica stupid enough to tell people what she’ll do, and allow them to thwart her plans and incriminate her? OUR QUEEN ISN’T STUPID.

- YOU’RE GOING TO FUCKING BRAND HIM? They do realize that (if he does) when he gets out of prison, people will see he was fucking branded? Like??? Are you fucking stupid? Poor Archie... good thing he’s breaking out of jail!

- I don’t know why... but i’m saying everything is Marty Mantle’s fault. Don’t ask because I DON’T KNOW IT’S JUST A FEELING.

- Josie is so fucking done with Betty. Me too! Instead of, you know, letting them know and ask their parents nicely or something Betty’s like “yeah so go investigate your parents for murder”

- “Thank you for mansplaining my business to me” WE LOVE AND STAN VERONICA.

- CHONI. WOW THEY’RE STANDING FIVE FEET AWAY FROM EACH OTHER. Oh they were so totally fucking in that tent cOME ON.

- I know I wanted screentime for my babies but this ain’t it. GIVE ME THEIR FUCKING BACKSTORIES. Jughead if they die I will literally hate you. Like, no hard passes I will legit fucking hope you die with them because that’s the only way it’ll be made up. Although Sweet Pea with a bow and arrow? Hot af bye

- BUT SWEET PEA, MY MAN, IS STILL SPITTING TRUTH. “We’re your foot-soldiers in life, we gotta be the same in the game, down in the mud taking all the risks?” Because he KNOWS that Jughead only goes to them when he needs them for that kind of shit. In the beginning before Jughead joined, it was like that, too. Jughead had to show that he was all in for the Serpents. It sucks now that Sweet Pea can’t somehow overthrow him. Sweet Pea and Toni need to rule the fucking Serpents, if it has to be a teenager.

- And I thought that this scene with Cheryl, Sweet Pea, and Fangs where when they saw the fucking Gargoyle King... are you fucking kidding me Jughead you’re so stupid. I know you’re fucked up from the game but SO ARE SWEET PEA AND FANGS BECAUSE YOU’RE THE STUPID FUCK WHO BROUGHT THEM INTO IT. Also how funny would it be if she like hit his shoulder or something. I know she’s perfect but STILL. Might bring Jughead back to reality both from the game and the show in general.

- Why do Fangs and Sweet Pea act like they’ve never seen Cheryl use her bow and arrow with deadly accuracy?

- LEAVE SWEET PEA ALONE. YOU’VE “RULED” OVER HIM AND YOU ALWAYS MAKE STUPID DECISIONS. HE HAS A RIGHT TO BE ANGRY WITH YOU. IT’S CALLED BEING HUMAN YOU FUCKING HEARTLESS, TOXIC FORSYTHE PENDLETON JONES THE THIRD.

- “Don’t defy me again” um bitch how the fuck did they defy you? They were (horribly and dangerously) practicing with the bow and arrow. Sure, they wanted to take g&g to real life but that doesn’t mean they could without their whole g&g group. Fuck off Jughead. When they’re out of this spell we need Sweet Pea to shove reality into Jughead’s face about his bitch ass ruling

- FP please see how crazy your son is. Also I thought you gave Jughead rein over the Serpents because of your sudden drinking problem. Where’s the beer bottles bitch? If you’re okay please PLEASE take the Serpents back.

- MCKELLER BITCHES. KEVIN AND JOSIE. MY BABIES.

- OH NO SHE’S GOING TO SEE ARCHIE FIGHTING. NO. NO. NO. MY POOR BABY. Lmao the part where we thought we heard Joaquin sucking Archie off was fucking ice i’m quaking. See, many are angry that Archie and Veronica are having sex in the prison but guys it makes so much sense? Like? At least when they have sex it’s not gross or toxic. They haven’t seen each other in forever, and she just found out that he’s being used as some jockey to make the prison some extra money or whatever. LEAVE VARCHIE ALONE. But what I still don’t understand is that if they’re supposed to be broken up, what could that possibly be from? They’re completely, totally in love. Bughead, I could see, but Varchie?

- Betty... did you just accuse Sierra and Tom’s marriage as a smokescreen? INSTEAD OF BEING A BITCH AND COMPLAINING THAT THEY DIDN’T GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANTED, TRY BEING ACTUALLY HAPPY FOR THEM (even though for some reason Josie is disgusted but whatever)

- REGGIE’S DAD FUCKING HIT HIM? MY POOR BABY.

- YES VERONICA BRING IN THE CALVARY.

- Ugh Jughead’s going to ruin the whole thing about the rescue mission by tying it to the game. Fuck off. But Betty is going to steal his bike... you’re going to leave him with no transportation, which is more dangerous with the gargoyle king? Betty since when did you learn how to ride a fucking motorcycle. They’re gonna force Serpent!Betty onto us aren’t they.

- NEW OT3 BITCH JOSIE/REGGIE/KEVIN

- Oh great this is the kiss scene that I get to watch and can’t enjoy because I know what happens... but imma like the kiss anyways because I’m not gonna let queerbait turn me into an even more bitter asshole than I already am.

- WAIT BITCH JOAQUIN WAS ABOUT TO CRY WHEN ARCHIE SAID HE WOULD COME BACK IF ANYTHING WENT WRONG. JOAQUIN HATES HIMSELF FOR HAVING TO DO THIS. FUCK THE WARDEN. AFTER IT HAPPENS HE LOOKS SO FUCKING SAD MY POOR BOY JOAQUIN!!!

- VEGGIE’S SO ATTRACTIVE!! But is no one really going to react to Reggie’s dad hitting him?

- This weird g&g and reality go-between is weird. But did anyone notice Sweet Pea tap Fangs’ knee in support? We love supportive boyfriends. Also the fact that his Pantera identity is being matched to Kevin’s role in the breakout is amazing. Too bad Kevin was a dick to Fangs when he was literally just trying to talk to him during the musical :)

- Wow, Mad Dog is alive. It was obvious he wasn’t killed off lmao. But also this isn’t fair? Archie was stabbed. I know this is illegal and shit but if you have a star player don’t you, you know, treat them well? I know the warden is in Hiram’s pocket (and apparently playing g&g thanks to spoilers bc i’m weak and don’t follow anything other than Riverdale atm), but come on at least make it FAIR

- It’s so weird how ALICE slays the Serpent look but Betty... not so much. Lili wore Alice’s clothes for an episode and decided “NO MORE PASTEL FOR BETTY” huh... still won’t make Betty the Serpent queen

- It’s amazing how, since VERONICA is the one who planned all of this, it’s going smoothly and actually makes sense. Thank God Jughead isn’t in his right mind or else him and Betty would be fucking this up. RAS TAKE NOTES. WE WANT MORE VERONICA PLANS, NOT STUPID, HALF-ASSED, WANNABE BUGHEAD PLANS THAT NEVER MAKE SENSE AND TAKE THE WORST POSSIBLE ROUTE

- You can tell Joaquin is fucked up because of the game. Here he is, with his Preppy (future husband, sorry Moose), and he’s not even acting like he normally would. Sure, he’s running for his life, but STILL.

- YES BRING MAD DOG WITH YOU

- KEVIN GOING AFTER JOAQUIN THAT’S LOVE BITCH

- VERONICA REALLY JUST FUCKING STOMPED ON HER FATHER FUCK YEAH BITCH

- OMG MAD DOG TRIED TO GET THROUGH THE GRATE BEFORE. THAT’S PROBABLY WHY IT’S LOCKED. Oh stfu Hiram

- BARCHIE REUNION. OMG WE’VE NEVER SEEN BETTY SMILE LIKE THIS. THAT’S LOVE BITCH. BARCHIE IS ENDGAME WE BEEN KNEW

- KEVIN IN A SERPENT JACKET. HELL YEAH. BAD FUCKING ASS.

- SWANGS AND CHONI’S SCREAMS IN VICTORY GIVE ME LIFE.

- APPARENTLY VANESSA IMPROVISED THAT KISS. I do hate how RAS hyped it up as a cute makeout or whatever but it’s literally a second long... bull SHIT.

-  YASSSSSSSS ARCHIE’S BACK BITCHES

- Betty... mace? Really? THEY HAVE GUNS. Betty this is why you’re not the Serpent Queen, you don’t have the guts, or the drive. But i’ll give you props for protecting Kevin

- HI, WE WANT AN ARCHIE/TONI FRIENDSHIP

- First of all, I wanna say that the pact throwback from the parents to their children is awesome. I love it.

- Also, THIS IS WHY VERONICA SHOULD HAVE MORE SCENES. She’s doing everything that Betty tries and fails to do. Her plan wasn’t stupid, it was dangerous, yes, but they could have gone gung-ho and fucked it all up. Betty (and Jughead) are extremely impulsive, while Veronica is quick and complex, making sure it is all perfect and done. Betty would have just winged it. TELL ME AGAIN WHY BUGHEAD IS THE MAIN FOCUS OF THE SHOW WHEN VERONICA, THE TRUE QUEEN, ISN’T? LITERALLY THIS EPISODE WAS THE BEST (second place goes to the parent’s ep) BECAUSE IT HAD VERONICA STEPPING INTO HER OWN ROLL AND PLOT, AND ALSO SECONDARY CHARACTERS WERE IN IT.

Extra: wtf were Sweet Pea and Fangs going to do witht hat Pillow? Mmhmmmmmmm

Extra Extra: Reggie is next to Sweet Pea, and bc of that headcannon of them being brothers, i’m screaming bye (since we now know Marty Mantle is a little abusive bitch ass, imagine Reggie finally, completely letting go of his dislike for the Serpents and living with Sweet Pea, which would be a great introductory for Sweet Pea’s life and shit, and them bonding. IMAGINE.

LMAO I THOUGHT THAT WAS THE END OF THE EP OOPS. Well... anyways.

- HERMIONE YES BITCH. TELL THEM.

- As much as I love Varchie, she’s right. Veronica is pretty obsessed with him but I know there’s a great explanation. I don’t know if I reblogged it or liked it or just saw it, but someone talked about it in a post and it was fantastic and well-put. Hiram, however... we all know he’s obsessed with Archie for some reason. Like, yeah he wants to torture his daughter for not siding with him (because he’s an insecure bitch), but with how he was when Archie was escaping... it was more like he was obsessed with him, and it wasn’t about hurting Veronica anymore, it was all about Archie. That brings up the point that it’s probably Hiram who was the Gargoyle King because young!Hiram brought drugs to the ascension and would make sure everyone was tripping to not see him/believe sober Alice. I believe that would be too easy but how else would Hiram go down?

- Why did Hermione say “the mess you and your daughter have made” your daughter? I know that’s kind of a parent thing but like... you could have just said Veronica.

- NO DON’T FUCKING PLAY G&G... SEE BETTY THIS IS WHY YOU DON’T HIDE SHIT, AND WHY YOU’RE NOT A GOOD “LEADER” now my other babies are playing the game and can get hurt because of you!

- Wow? Betty actually caring about Jughead’s well being? Mhmm... interesting. But honestly the first thing that popped into my mind is that she wanted to be alone with Archie (even though he’s finally asleep my poor innocent precious baby)

- WARDEN NORTON YOU’RE A FUCKING PUSSY ASS BITCH. Although i’m glad you’re dead... but you still fucking suck ass

- ofc Jughead randomly happens to come upon the fucking gargoyle king. 

[captivismarchive-blog]

mystery solved || z self para

tw: guns, violence

“aight z, you got this.” he was looking at himself in the rearview mirror of his car, taking a deep breath in and nodding. “you got this. you gotta have this. you gotta know what’s going on so you can protect your family, your girl, and yourself. okay?” he paused, as if waiting for a response. but no response came. it was just him. him, a gun, in his car, deep in black spade territory in brooklyn.

pulling out his phone, he texted anita. i scheduled a lyft to pick you up and bring you to me around 7. i love you baby. see you tonight. 

thinking about seeing anita tonight, the thought crossed his mind that what he was doing could get him hurt. he promised anita that he wouldn’t go looking for answers, but here he was. this could get you killed. now he was thinking about his mom, drake, his little sister. he wondered if he was doing the right thing anymore, looking over to his glove box where he knew his gun was stashed for emergencies.

but then he remembered why he was doing this. 

when that spade came to his family cookout, z learned a few things. firstly, the spades knew where his mom and family lived. he could only assume, since he lived ten minutes away by foot and was there all the time, that the spades also knew where his apartment was. the fear of what else they might know was fueling this quest of his. what if they know about anita? where she lives? the posse forced drake in with legal fees; what if they threaten us? or drake? or hazeema? he also learned that the gang had something up their sleeve. the guy had been cocky, like he had information that the delphins didn’t. but what?

fear coursing through him, he took in a sharp breath and reached over to his glove compartment, yanking it open and grabbing the gun. he turned the safety off and put it in his hoodie, getting out of his car and beginning to walk around and look for the gangster that had called himself ‘deshawn’. he’d memorized the license plate of the suv the guy had been in so that he could find him later if he needed to, and he hoped that would help him now. 898-AB0D.

it took nearly a half hour, but finally, he saw the telltale lettering of the license plate. he’d worn black, hoping that flying gang colors would allow people trust him and give him information. an older man stood outside of the corner store, dressed normally, but with a black bandana in the window of his shop. 

“yo!” z called, walking over, “my brother, you know whose car that is?” he asked, pointing to the suv. the older man looked at him like he didn’t want to get involved. “boy, you lookin’ stupid axin’ questions like that in this neighborhood.” z licked his lips, knowing that he was going to have to be quick on his feet to get through this. “nah, you lookin’ stupid old man. you know who i am?” the man’s head cocked in confusion and z went on, hoping that this would work. “i’m a delphin. one of ulysses’ boys.” 

the man’s eyes widened and he started retreating toward his shop. “oh hell nah, ion want no smoke,” he said, opening his door and speaking, half-in and half-out. “whatever business you got wid deshawn, keep it outta my shop.” the door slammed and locked, the man flipping the sign from open to closed. z just stood there, dumbfounded. what the fuck was that?

sighing, z turned and looked around, trying to spot any clues as to what he would do next. i just want some fuckin’ answers.

as if his prayer was being answered, he suddenly saw a familiar face walking out of a small apartment across the street. “shit,” he hissed, ducking over into the alley because he didn’t want to be seen yet. okay, stay calm. go over, just talk. if he gets buck, just show the glizzy. you won’t ever have to shoot. it won’t come to that.

that’s what he had to tell himself. 

peering around the corner, he waited for deshawn to get close enough to his car, then jumped out and yanked him into the alley. he fought back immediately, pushing z forcefully back into the brick wall and pulling out a knife. z’s heart thudded roughly, memories of his last encounter with a blade nearly freezing him. but then deshawn hesitated once he saw his face. he grinned. “well well, if it ain’t lil mr. ‘we ain’t interested’ zachariaz delphin. you here to talk shop big man?”

anger flooding him, z locked his jaw and pulled out his gun. he didn’t aim it, but he wanted deshawn to know he had it. “i came here for some answers, and ‘less you wanna know what it feel like to get shot in the gut close range, i’d provide those mu’fuckin’ answers.” 

this wasn’t who z was, but he was terrified. he was tired of living life looking over his shoulder, wondering when the other shoe was gonna drop. when would the shadow posse and the black spades stop trying to recruit him when they failed to do so? when would he start being seen as more of a threat than a benefit? the idea of trying to get his life together seemed impossible with his family history hanging over his head. he needed to know what the black spades had up their sleeves so that he could take care of it and move on with his life.

deshawn was not amused. “you think i’m scared of some lil kid?” he growled, puffing his chest out as if daring z to shoot him. “you ain’t no thug, delphin. your daddy wants to make you one, but now? you trippin.”

the way that deshawn kept mentioning his dad was weird. no one had seen his father in new york city since he left his family, as far as z knew. “yo, you keep talkin’ bout my dad this, my dad that. what’s up with that? did you know him? is he still alive? what is it?”

he laughed at this. “alive?” he scoffed, taking a step closer. z’s brows furrowed, pointing the gun directly at deshawn’s head and cocking it as he took a step back. “don’t fuckin’ move.” 

deshawn grinned, sliding his knife back into his pocket and crossing his arms over his chest. “boy, yo daddy ain’t just alive. i just came outta his crib.”

the weight of what was said lingered in the air. z didn’t believe it. “you lyin’,” he shook his head. “you sayin’ he’s alive, he still in brooklyn, and he still a spade? and we just ain’t know about it in over ten years? bullshit,” he waved the gun, as if reminding him that he would shoot if he had to, “tell me the fuckin’ truth my dude, i’m losin’ my patience. you said yourself i got his temper, so start fuckin’ actin like it.”

“how did i know that yo mama’s favorite pie was pecan? who do you think ordered me to take it over? who knew what date y’all do family cook outs in summer?” the puzzle pieces were coming together and it felt like z’s entire world was going up in flames. deshawn continued, hoping that he could persuade z to do what his boss wanted him to do. “when uly left y’all, the cops was on him crazy. he go by a different name now, but everyone in the hood know who he really be. he lays low. he had the chance to betray all’a the spades if he woulda cooperated w’ twelve, so when he didn’t, he was rewarded. they gave him a new life. the condition was, he couldn’t be sloppy. no one could know.”

this was not the answer z had expected. not even an answer that had crossed his mind. he had to consciously keep his voice level, his eyes dark as he kept the gun on deshawn while he spoke. “what does he want?”

“his family.”

“well it’s too mu’fuckin’ late for that. he shoulda thought about that shit before.” shaking his head, z took a step in, putting the gun to deshawn’s forehead for added measure, lowering his voice to an intimidating hum. “you tell anyone i was here, n’ i’mma come back here n’ weigh you down with a clip. you try to hide, i’mma find you. you try to rat, i’mma keep you quiet. feel me?” his arm lowered slowly, watching deshawn as he stood there with his hands up. 

“yeah yeah, baby delphin. run back to mama in the heights. come back when you ready to play with the big boys.”

and with that, z shoved the gun into his hoodie and headed back to his car. he knew that deshawn wouldn’t hurt him, not if his dad wanted him alive, if his dad was his boss. that means he’s even deeper in than he was before.

once he got into his car, he started shaking and breathing hard, his adrenaline finally starting to die as he put the car in drive and whipped out as fast as he could. he didn’t know where he was going, but he knew he had to get the hell out of there before he did something he would regret.

[zephyrfuse]

What Reshi says about ur weapon (requested)

There are some weapons I don’t have enough data on or dont know what to say about it so I leave em blank.  Sorry for those who main those weapons and im like uhhh idk man lol

This is 50% opinion, 50% jokes if u take offence ill wedgie u

Splattershot JR Rating:  Nostoliga Player: You like the level one baby squid clothing or probably can’t aim well enough for N zap 

Custom Splattershot JR Rating: P fun to play tbh Player: You like the cute custom inkpack, and also are probably a p good player despite having terrible aim

Splattershot Rating: Reliable nostalgic shitbag Player: Laggy oneshotters who bullshit through anything

Tentatek Splattershot Rating: I think I like you a little more Player:  Not as BS as Splattershot but still p bs

Octoshot Rating: The only valid Splattershot Player: You are an Octo slut more than a tryhard Splattershot player.

Splattershot Pro Rating: I like it tbh Player: you have a little more loyalty to your weapon compared to forge players so i like you

Forge Splattershot Pro Rating: I use you briefly because ur good but not game changing Player: You probably follow the crowd in ranked SZ and use the weapon cause everyone else does decent with it but for some reason your win rate doen’t change much

Splash o matic Rating: Quick inkjets...are nice Player: You really are a rare tryhard who REALLy wants to show off with inkjet

Neo Splash o matic Rating: p fun tbh I like it Player: You can actually aim but stays low and prefer rush for support.  You still can be p bs tho

Sploosh o Matic Rating: Lesser Inkbrush Player: You can’t aim but you generally aren’t a bad player.  You LOVE just zooming around the map and panic specialing when someone gets close

Neo Sploosh Rating: I honestly dont even know  Player: I honestly never see anyone using this weapon

.52 Gal Rating: normie Player: you probs just like Aloha or rlly like RM and CB

.52 Gal Deco Rating: I like this weapon but also the 2ko sucks against it Player: You’re kinda a normie, but also you like sparkles and ur kill rate is decent

.96 Gal Rating: Get ur Armor Player: Idk much about u but the fact you had sprinklers was a pleasant surprise for me

.96 Gal Deco Rating: ??? Player: You didnt want to be a basic bitch like the 52 gal or the Splattershot pro so you live in this limbo willingly

Aerospray MG Rating: Traded u for brush a LOng time ago Player: 95% of the time u guys Suck...

Aerospray RG Rating: Fuck you that u stole the sprinkler from the inkbrush Player: I am trippin balls but you are literally all about them

N Zap Rating: Ur a good armor provider when teaming with friends Player: You are probably a tryhard noob

N Zap 89 Rating: What if it was orange and good at harassing chargers Player: You are almost DEFINITELY a tryhard noob 

Jet Squelcher Rating: God you are so valid Player: You probs use it for TC only if anything

Custom Jet Squelcher Rating: Stingray keeps me alive Player: You actually know how to play this game and are a p solid player although not flashy.  You are the more mature brother of the Splattershot Pro

L3 Nozzlenose Rating: I respect you Player: You are a rare beauty now a days and i need more of you

H3 Nozzlenose Rating: HOW its SLOW Player: honestly if you used the Cherry competitively in Splat 1 fuck you 

Squeezer Rating: Crack a cold one with the boys Player:  You’re a valid joke and i love u

Foil Squeezer Rating: Bubbles are nice Player: ??? Your kill rate isn’t THAT bad generally but also move on already

Heavy Splatling Rating: You are reliable and I trust you Player: Was a tf2 fan or a competitive charger fan who ditched the charger for a higher tier weapon

Heavy Splatling Deco Rating: I love you Player: You like bubbles and SZ

Mini Splatling Rating: You are like the lesser used more valid version of the splattershot and I like u Player:  You like to go fast

Zinc Mini Splatling Rating: holy shit Player: You like to go fast and realized this kit is bomb af

Hydra Splatling Rating: I love you unless ur my enemy on Shellendorf Player: You stand strong and fast and do not change

Custom Hydra Splatling Rating: Strong...valid Player: You realized inkmines aren’t always shit and thank you so much

Ballpoint Splatling Rating: hell yeah Player: you’re probably a higher level player and finds it fun but still realizes regular splatlings still a little stronger

Nautilus 47 Rating: God this is a nice weapon, its a shame its just a splatling gootuber Player: You are a skilled player but also not too tryhard since you know your weapon isn’t very good.  Practicing the stored charge swim strafing is fun.

Slosher Rating:  I miss the burst combo Player: You like missiles that much dont u

Slosher Deco Rating: give me my soda slosher back Player: You are solid and good for CB (and probably rlly miss the soda)

Sloshing Machine Rating: Not my type Player: You generally always kill me and u solid

Sloshing Machine Neo Rating: ??? Player: always kills me but with bomb rush

Tri slosher Rating: I can’t use you for shit Player: You had the confidence of the Straight White Man till you got Nerfed

Tri slosher Nouveau Rating: still cant use u for shit Player: you arent as bad as the other counterpart tbh

Explosher Rating: I like u but not that much Player: You loVe the pit its ur best friend

Bloblobbler: Rating: Fun weapon for leaguing as MR. CLEAN Player: you’re MORE invalid than blaster unless ur doing the above

Blaster Rating: id rather die than touch u Player: Fuck you

Custom Blaster Rating: HISSSS Player: has ligma

Range Blaster Rating: BS plus slow = Extra BS Player: honestly I cant even begin to understand what kind of person you are

Custom Range Blaster Rating: ew Player: Fuck you if you cannot aim, and ESPECIALLY fuck you if you CAN cause you OKO me all the time

Luna Blaster Rating: Not bad but I’m too salty to use it Player: You LOVE TC and probably know you are a bunch of bull

Luna Blaster Neo Rating: Not as bad as regular blasters but still  Player: ???

Rapid Blaster Rating: I love u, ink mines ARENT shit Player: You are using one of the most valid blasters be proud

Rapid Blaster Deco Rating: Bombrush is useful sometimes Player: You are also p damn valid

Rapid Pro Rating: hard for me to use most of the time Player: You are a respectable player who is generally good and not that flashy.

Rapid Pro Deco Rating: Doesn’t get armor fast enough Player: ???? 

Clash Blaster Rating: Haha its crayons... Player: As much as the clash is bs, you still are p valid and can use stingray

Clash Blaster Neo Rating: Its crayons but bs Player: you hate aiming so much that you got away from the stingray

Splat Roller Rating: You’re p fun but not as much as the others Player: You really want a buff to this weapon dont u

Krak-on Roller Rating: My hero in RM for most of my career (till i started using inkbrush again) Player: You miss kraken it doesnt even make any sense doesn’t it

Carbon Roller Rating: Fast... Player: why you haven’t traded your soul for the deco is beyond me, but at least you still have yours and i respect you

Carbon Roller Deco Rating: holy shit Player: you traded ur soul to satan for the most bullshit chaos of weapons I fear you as an inkbrush main

Dynamo Roller Rating: God ever since they made you almost unusable you became so valid Player: You probs use both rollers but this time Sting ray seemed nice

Gold Dynamo Roller Rating: my wonderful new nerfed son... Player: You cry cause u want to cosplay Rider but rlly suck at this weapon OR you are actually good at this weapon and are fine that you can’t dominate the ring anymore like how it used to

INKBRUSH Rating: 420/10 I SMORCh, weapon of the GODS Player: You are SO valid, and if you use this outside of CB then you are a god and I will scream im ur biggest fan

Inkbrush Nouveau Rating: You’re a bunch of valid shit but only most of the time Player: You either use this ONLY for CB or want to actually die irl

Octobrush Rating: Reliable ranked weapon for easier going days Player: You like easier kills and harassing with autobombs and generally get a decent splat count

Octobrush Nouveau Rating: This kit is a downgrade Player: Probably a noob who can’t aim with inkjet

Flingza Roller Rating: It has a cool design and is the smarter of the two Player: knows to throw a wall before safely vertical flicking.

Foil Flingza Roller Rating: Dont use the vertical flick Player: Uses the vertical flick and dies 

Splat Charger Rating: Oh how I still love you even though bomb rush was nice Player: You probably moved on to Heavy Splatling but if not, you still are scary as fuck but suffer from lower splat rates.

Firefin Splat Charger Rating: Bombrush is good choice sometimes Player: You probably main both chargers but just like standing back and then rushing when you get your special

Every Splatterscope Rating: ew claustrophobic  Player: you a tryhard probably and isn’t as valid as normal chargers

Classic Squiffer Rating: god id give my blood to help you u poor cleaning tool Player: You probably main another charger but your heart is still here and i love you

New Squiffer Rating: I would be running out of blood but i still would give it Player: You spam autobombs to make up for your weapons shit abilities 

Bamboozler Rating: Pew pew pew pew ( i love this weapon but slightly salty ur range is higher than the squiff) Player: pew pew pew pew pew pew

Bamboozler mk 14 Rating: pew pew pew pew pew pew pew Player: pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew

E liter (no scopes) Rating: Dam what happened to u son...i mean I mained u in 1 but i dont miss u that much, sorry Player: you just like the extra range but you often don’t do that good anymore

E liter (with Scopes) Rating: AHAHAHAH look what happened to u bitch Player: You deserved the nerf how does it FEEL huH

Goo Tuber Rating: I have high respect for this weapon and I WISH i was good at it Player: you’re most likely a tryhard JP player but JP doesn’t read this post so...you’re a tryhard charger user but knows your weapon isn’t at all that good

Custom Goo Tuber Rating: Ditto above Player: You just like the inkjet and extra mobility but also ditto above

Splat Dualies Rating: Nice, i cant aim burst bombs for shit Player: You can’t aim with inkjet or prefer the one two punch with the bursts

Emperry Splat Dualies Rating: I can’t aim with inkjet but one day.... Player: You probs are a tryhard ranked player and you are either good or bad

Dualie Squelchers Rating: Oh how I flipped out when I saw ur trendy upgrade...my dual squelcher baby all grown up...sniff Player: You just stuck with the originals and LOVE your missiles despite them being low tier specials for the longest time

Custom Dualie Squelchers Rating: You so smooth man...high tier but still valid Player: You probably use them because of they're high tier and reliable but you did make a good choice

Dapple Dualies Rating: I use you sometimes when I want your dps to do the work for me and want a bombrush Player: You are probably 25% BS but suffer when people do not use ur beacons.  You probs find some bs way to get beacons in the enemy spawn and constantly harass us from behind if ur actually good at it

Dapple Dualies Nouveau Rating: I use you to do the dps work for me and also harass people with toxic mist Player: no one used ur beacons 

Glooga Dualies Rating: its cute but God its...so slow Player: You never do too well and I respect you.  Probably uses it for CB or RM and doesnt mind the ink mines

Glooga Dualies Deco Rating: The tryhard cousin of the Glooga Dualies Player: You blamed the mines but then realize the whole weapon isn’t that good in general

Dark Tetra Dualies Rating: Weapon cooldown after roll is invalid Player: you just want to win but you generally aren’t as good as you like at it

Light Tetra Dualies Rating: Autobomb launcher surprised me Player: You are probably just trying it out for now but still ??? about it and is just having fun for now

Splat Brella Rating: 10/10 still salty u stole my dream inkbrush kit Player: You don’t care much about kills and u p chill.  You hate blasters tho

Sorella Brella Rating: My right hand man for ranked Player: You got tired of shit and decided to bring the thunder

Tenta brella Rating: so slow...but god ily Player: You are defense and support and probably love CB and ur teamies

Sorella Tenta Brella Rating: weird kit but valid Player: ???

Undercover Brella Rating: why are you so bad Player:  you tried it and realized it sucks.  You are salty of the low duration and slow kill rate

Sorella Undercover Brella Rating: thats a little better Player: you like CB probably and liked the original idea of the undercover and knew it sucked, but you are loyal

Any hero weapon Rating: I have one(1) Player: you have no life and likes to look cool

[lesbiandisaster17]

{Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. {Laughing} Like that's ever gonna happen. {Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes} What a load of - Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead The years start comin' and they don't stop comin' Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin' Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do so much to see So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow Hey, now You're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now but wait till you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire How 'bout yours That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored Hey, now, you're an all-star {Shouting} Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold {Belches} Go! Go! {Record Scratching} Go. Go.Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold -Think it's in there? -All right. Let's get it! -Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? -Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. {Laughs} -Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint. Now, ogres - - They're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. -No! -They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. -Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! {Gasping} -Right. {Roaring} {Shouting} {Roaring} {Whispers} This is the part where you run away. {Gasping} {Laughs} {Laughing} And stay out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." {Sighs} {Man's voice} All right. This one's full. -Take it away! {Gasps} -Move it along. Come on! Get up! -Next! -Give me that! Your fiying days are over. That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! -Get up! Come on! -Twenty pieces. {Thudding} -Sit down there! -Keep quiet! {Crying} -This cage is too small. -Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! -Oh, shut up. -Oh! -Next! -What have you got? -This little wooden puppet. -I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. -Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. -Father, please! Don't let them do this! -Help me! -Next! What have you got? -Well, I've got a talking donkey. {Grunts} -Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. -Oh, go ahead, little fella. -Well? -Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - - -That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! -No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. -Get her out of my sight. -No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! {Gasps} -Hey! I can fly! -He can fly! -He can fly! -He can talk! -Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Oh-oh. {Grunts} -Seize him! -After him! He's getting away! {Grunts, Gasps} {Man} -Get him! This way! Turn! -You there. Orge! -Aye? -By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility. -Oh, really? You and what army? {Gasps, Whimpering} {Chuckles} -Can I say something to you? -Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa! -Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. -Oh, that's great. Really. -Man, it's good to be free. -Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? -But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. {Roaring} -Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - - {Mumbling} Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day. -Why are you following me? -I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone There's no one here beside me My promlems have all gone There's no one to deride me But you gotta heve friends - - -Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends. -Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. -Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? -Uh - - Really tall? -No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? -Nope. -Really? -Really, really. -Oh. -Man, I like you. What's you name? -Uh, Shrek. -Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that? -That would be my home. -Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. -I guess you don't entertain much, do you? -I like my privacy. -You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. -Can I stay with you? -Uh, what? -Can I stay with you, please? -Of course! -Really? -No. -Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! -Okay! Okay! But one night only. -Ah! Thank you! -What are you - - No! No! -This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. -Oh! -Where do, uh, I sleep? -Outside! -Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. {Sniffles} -Here I go. -Good night. {Sighs} -I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. I'm all alone There's no one here beside me {Bubbling} {Sighs} {Creaking} {Sighs} -I thought I told you to stay outside. -I'm outside. {Clattering} -Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? -It's not home, but it'll do just fune. -What a lovely bed. -Got ya. {Sniffs} I found some cheese. -Ow! {Grunts} -Blah! Awful stuff. -Is that you, Gorder? -How did you know? -Enough! What are you doing in my house? {Grunts} -Hey! {Snickers} -Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. -Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. -Huh? {Gusps} {Male voice} What? -I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I have to do get a little privacy? -Aah! -Oh, no. No! No! {Cackling} -What? -Quit it. -Don't push. {Squeaking} {Lows} - What are you doing in my swamp? {Echoing} Swamp! Swamp! Swamp! {Gasping} -Oh, dear! -Whoa! -All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! -Quickly. Come on! -No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. -Oh! {Sighs} -Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. -Oh, gosh, no one invited us. -What? -We were forced to come here. -By who? -Lord Farquaad. -He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice. {Sighs} -All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? {Murmuring} -Oh, I do. I know where he is. -Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? -Me! Me! -Anyone? -Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! {Sighs} -Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! {Cheering} {Twittering} -Oh! You! You're comin' with me. - All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! -On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. -Hey. Oh, oh! -I can't wait to get on the road again. -What did I say about singing? -Can I whistle? -No. -Can I hum it? -All right, hum it. {Humming} {Grunts} {Whimpering} -That's enough. He's ready to talk. {Coughing} {Laughing} {Clears throat} -Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man! -You are a monster. -I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others? -Eat me!{Grunts} -I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll - - -No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. -All right then. Who's hiding them? -Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? -The muffin man? -The muffin man. -Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? -Well, she's married to the muffin man. -The muffin man? -The muffin man! -She's married to the muffin man. {Door opens} -My lord! We found it. -Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. {Man grunting} {Gasping} -Oh! -Magic mirror - - -Don't tell him anything! -No! {Ginerbread man whispers} -Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? -Well, technically you're not a king. -Uh, Thelonius. -You were saying? -What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one.  All you have to do is marry a princess. -Go on. {Chuckles} -So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. -Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! -And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! -So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? -Two! Two! -Three! Three! -Two! Two! -Three! -Three? One? {Shudders} Three? --Three! Pick number three, my lord! -Okay, okay, uh, number three! -Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. If you like pina coladas And getting caught in the rain -Princess Fiona. If you're not into yoga -She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - - -But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. -I'll do it. -Yes, but after sunset - - -Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. -But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it. -So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. -Uh-huh. That's the place. -Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? {Laughs} {Groans} -Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. -Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. -Hey, you! {Screams} -Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - {Whimpering} {Sighs} {Whimpering, Groans} {Turnstile clatters} {Chuckles} {Sighs} -It's quiet. Too quiet. {Creaking} -Where is everybody? -Hey, look at this! {Clattering, whirring, clicking} Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along fine DuLoc is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face DuLoc is, DuLoc is DuLoc is perfect ...... place {Camera shutter clicks {Whirring} -Wow! Let's do that again! -No. No. No, no, no! No. {Trumpet fanfare} {Crowd cheering} -Brave knights. -You are the best and brightest in all the land. -Today one of you shall prove himself - - -All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. -Sorry about that. {Cheering} -That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. {Cheering} -Let the tournament begin! {Gasps} -Oh! -What is that? {Gasping} -It's hideous! -Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. -Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named champion! Have it him! -Get him! -Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. -Go ahead! Get him! -Can't we just settle this over a pint? -Kill the beast! -No? All right then. Come on! I don't give a damn about my reputation You're living in the past It's a new generation -Damn! {Whinnying} A girl can do what she wants to do And that's what I'm gonna do And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me -Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Never said I wanted to improve my station -Ah! {Laughs} And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun -Yeah! And I don't have to please no one -The chair! Give him the chair! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me {Bell dings} {Cheering} {Laughs} -Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! {Shrek laughs} {Crowd gasping, murmuring} -Shall I give the order, sir? -No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! -What? -Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. -Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures! {Crowd murmuring} -Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. -Exactly the way it was? -Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. -And the squatters? -As good as gone. -What kind of quest? -Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. -Is that about right? -Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. -I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole orge trip. -Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? -Uh, no, not really, no. -For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think. -Example? -Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions. -{Sniffs} They stink? -Yes - - No! -They make you cry? -No! -You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. -No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. {Sighs} -Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. -I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes. -You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. -No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later. -Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. -You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh And everything that you receive up yonder Is what you give to me the day I wander I'm on my way I'm on my way I'm on my way -Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that? -You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's brimstone We must be getting close. -Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither. {Rumbling} -Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. {Laughing} -Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers? -Oh, aye. -Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. -Wait a second.  Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what I mean. -You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. -I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling like of lava! -Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. -Really? -Really, really. -Okay, that makes me feel so much better. -Just keep moving. And don't look  down. -Okay, don't look  down. Don't look  down. Don't look  down. Keep on moving. Don't look  down. {Gasps} -Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please! -But you're already halfway. -But I know that half is safe! -Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. -Shrek, no! Wait! -Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me? -Don't do that! -Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh, this? -Yes, that! -Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. {Screams} -No, Shrek! No! Stop it! -You said do it! I'm doin' it. -I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh! -That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. -Cool. -So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? -Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. {Chuckles} -I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. {Water dripping, wind howling} -You afraid? -No. -But - - - Shh. -Oh, good. Me neither. {Gasps} -'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. {Gasps} -Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. -Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. -The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. -What makes you think she'll be there? -I read it in a book once. -Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. {Creacing} -I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it. -Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - - -Dragon! {Screams} {Gasps} {Roars} -Donkey, look out! {Screams} {Whimpering} -Got ya! {Roars} {Gasps} {Shouts} -Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! {Screaming} {Gasps} -Oh! Aah! Aah! {Gasping} {Crowls} -No. Oh, no, No! {Screams} -Oh, what large teeth you have. {Crowls} -I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got  there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - - (Coughs) -I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings. Shrek! {Gasps} {Whimpering} -No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! {Groans, Sighs} {Vocalizing} -Oh! Oh! -Wake up! -What? -Are you Princess Fiona? -I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. -Oh, that's nice. Now let's go! -But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? -Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. -Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. -You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? -Mm-hmm. {Screams, grunts} -But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! -I don't think so. -Can I at least know the name of my champion? -Um, Shrek. -Sir Shrek. {Cleans throat} -I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. -Thanks! {Roaring} -You didn't slay the dragon? -It's on my to-do list. Now come on! {Screams} -But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did. -Yeah, right before they burst into flame. -That's not the point. Oh! -Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there. -Well, I have to save my ass. -What kind of knight are you? -One of a kind. -Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned. {Laughs} -I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - -  Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards - -  I'd really love to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh! {Growls} {Roaring} {Gasps} -Hi, Princess! -It talks! -Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. {Screams} {Screaming} -Oh! {Thuds} {Groans} {Roars} {Roaring} -Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. {Fchoing} -Run! {Gasping} {Screaming} {Roaring} {Screams} {Roars} {Panting, sighs} {Whimpers} {Roars} -You did it! -You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful. You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. {Clears throat} -And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? -I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. -The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. -Uh, no. -Why not? -I have helmet hair. -Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. -No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st. -But how will you kiss me? -What? That wasn't in the job description. -Maybe it's a perk. -No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. -Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you true love? -Well, yes. {Laughing} -You think Shrek is your true love! -What is so funny? -Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay? -Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your helmet. -Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. -Just take off the helmet. -I'm not going to. -Take ot off. -No! -Now! -Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. -You- - You're a- - an orge. -Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. -Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an orge. {Sighs} -Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who wants to marry you. -Then why didn't he come rescue me? -Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. -But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- - his pet. -So much for noble steed. -You're not making my job any easier. -I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. -Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy. -You wouldn't dare. Put me down! -Ya comin', Donkey? -I'm right behind ya. -Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! -Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? -You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what happens when you find your - -  Hey! {Sighs} -The sooner we get to DuLoc the better. -You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! -And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? -Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. {Laughs} -I don't know. There are those who think little of him. -Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. -Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. -Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp? -No, that'll take longer. We can keep going. -But there's robbers in the woods. -Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good. -Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. -I need to find somewhere to camp now! {Birds wings fluttering} {Grunting} -Hey! Over here. -Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess. -No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. -Homey touches? Like what? {Crashing} -A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. -You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. -I said good night! -Shrek, What are you doing? {Laughs} -I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding. {Fire cracking} -And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over three wheat fields. Right. Yeah. -Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? -The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. -I know you're making this up. -No, look. There he is,  and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. -That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. -You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it. {Sighs} -Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? -Our swamp? -You know, when we're through rescuing the princess. -We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my land. -You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. -No, do ya think? -Are you hidin' something? -Never mind, Donkey. -Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? -No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things. -Why don't you want to talk about it? -Why do you want to talk about it? -Why are you blocking? -I'm not blocking. -Oh, yes, you are. -Donkey, I'm warning you. -Who you trying to keep out? -Everyone! Okay? -Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere. -Oh! For the love of Pete! -What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway? -Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go. "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone. -You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly orge. -Yeah, I know. -So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? -Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying. -Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there? -That's the moon. -Oh, okay. {Orchestra} {Dulcimer} -Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. -Hmph. -Ah. Perfect. {Inhales} {Snoring} {Vocalizing} {Whistling} {Sizzling} {Sniffs, yawns} -Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. --Come on, baby. I said I like it. -Donkey, wake up. -Huh? What? -Wake up. -What? -Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs? -Good morning, Princess! -What's all this about? -You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. -Uh, thanks. {Sniffs} -Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. {Belches} -Shrek! -What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs} -Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess. {Belches} -Thanks. -She's as nasty as you are. -{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected. -Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. {Vocalizing} -La liberte! Hey! -Princess! {Laughs} -What are you doing? -Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from this green - - {Kissing sounds} -beast. -Hey! -That's my princess! Go find you own! -Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? -Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are! -Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry Men. {Laughs} {Accordion} Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo. I steal from the rich and give to the needy. He takes a wee percentage, But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels Man, I'm good What a guy, Monsieur Hood Break it down I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid What he's basically saying is he likes to get - - Paid So When an orge in the bush grabs a lady by the tush That's bad That's bad When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad He's mad He's really, really mad I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart Keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start {Grunts, Groans} {Karate Yell} {Merry Men Gasping} {Panting} -Man, that was annoying! -Oh, you little- - {Karate Yell} {Accordion} {Shouting, groaning} {Chuckles} -Uh, shall we? -Hold the phone. {Grunts} Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from? -What? -That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that? -Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt! -What? Oh, would you look at that? -Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. -Why? What's wrong? -Shrek's hurt. -Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die. -Donkey, I'm okay. -You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich? -Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. -Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! -{Both} Donkey! -Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. -What are the flowers for? -For getting rid of Donkey. -Ah. -Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out. -Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'. -I'm sorry, but it has to come out. -No, it's tender. -Now, hold on. -What you're doing is the opposite of help. -Don't move. -Look, time out. -Would you - - {Grunts} -Okay. What do you propose we do? -Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns. -Ow! -Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! -Ow! Not good. -Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. {Grunts} -It's just about - - -Ow! Ohh! -Ahem. -Nothing happend. We were just, uh - - -Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay? -Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just- - Ugh! -Ow! -Hey, what's that? {Nervous chickle} -That's- - Is that blood? {Sighs} {Bird chirping} {Grunts} My beloved monster and me We go everywhere together Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves Gets us through all kinds of weather -Aah! She will always be the only thing That comes between me and the awful sting That comes from living in a world that's so damn mean {Croaks} Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh -Hey! La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la {Both laughing} La-la, la-la, la-la -There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. -That's DuLoc? -Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something,  which I think means he has a really - - Ow! -Um, I, uh- -  I guess we better move on. -Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey. {Blubbering} -What? -I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. -What are you talking about? I'm fine. -That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. Dead. -You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? -Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea. -I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look, {Bones crunch} -Ow! See? -Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. -I'll get the firewood. -Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug. -Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this? -Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style. -No kidding. Well, this is delicious. -Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. {Chuckling} {Sighs} -I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. {Gulps} -Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it. {Chuckles} -I'd like that. {Slurps, laughs} See the pyramids along the Nile -Um, Princess? Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle -Yes, Shrek? -I, um, I was wondering. Just remember, darling all the while -Are you- - You belong to me {Sighs} -Are you gonna eat that? {Chuckles} -Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. -Sunset? -Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late. -What? -Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? -Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside. -Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until - - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. {Shrek sighs} -Good night. -Good night. {Door creaks} -Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here. -Oh, what are you talkin' about? -I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. -You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. -Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel. -I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a princess, and I'm - - -An orge? -Yeah. An orge. -Hey, where you goin'? -To get... move firewood. {Sighs} -Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? {Wings fluttering} -Princess? {Creaking} {Gasps} -It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. {Screams} -Aah! -Oh, no! -No, help! -Shh! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -No, it's okay. It's okay. -What did you do with the princess? -Donkey, I'm the princess. -Aah! -It's me, in this body. -Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me? -Donkey! -Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! -No! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -Shh. -Shrek! -This is me. {Muffled mumbling} -Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different. -I'm ugly, okay? -Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - - -No. -I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember. -What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. -It's only happens when sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form." -Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. -It's a spell. {Sighs} -When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this. {Sobs} -All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. -But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look. -Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? -I have to.  Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. -But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you got a lot in common. -Shrek? -Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh - - {Sighs} -I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. -I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. {Gasps} -My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. {Deep sigh} -Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. -You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. -No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. -What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? -Promise you won't tell. Promise! -All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. -Look at my eye twitchin'. {Door opens} {Snoring} -I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. -Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - - {Snoring} -Shrek. Are you all right? -Perfect! Never been better. -I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you. -You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night. -You heard what I said? -Every word. -I thought you'd understand. -Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" -But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. -Yeah? Well, it does. {Gasps, sighs} -Ah, right on time. {Horse whinnies} -Princess, I've brought you a little something. {Fanfare} {Yawns} -What'd I miss? What'd I miss? {Muffled} -Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey. -Princess Fiona. -As promised. Now hand it over. -Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. -Take it and go before I change my mind. -Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad. -Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. {Snaps fingers} -Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell. -Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the orge. It's not like it has feelings. -No, you're right. It doesn't. -Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage. {Gasps} -Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? -Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - - -Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! -No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets. -Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests! -Fare-thee-well, orge. -Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. -Yeah? So what? -Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night, She's - - -I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? -Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you. -I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! -But I thought - - -Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong! -Shrek. I heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord But you don't really care for music, do ya It goes like this the fourth, the fifth The minor fall the major lift The baffled king composing hallelujah Hallelujah,  hallelujah Baby, I've been here before I know this room I've walked this floor I used to live alone before I knew you I've seen your flag on the marble arch But love is not a victory march It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah Hallelujah,  hallelujah And all I ever learned from love Is how to shoot at someone Who outdrew you {Moaning} And it's not a cry you can hear at night It's not somebody who's seen the light It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah {Moaning} Hallelujah,  hallelujah {Thumping sound} -Donkey? {Grunts} -What are you doing? -I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. -Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. -It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half. -Oh! Your half. Hmm. -Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. -Back off! -No, you back off. -This is my swamp! -Our swamp. -Let go, Donkey! -You let go. -Stubborn jackass! -Smelly orge. -Fine! -Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. -Well, I'm through with you. -Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. -Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? -Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! -Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in the back! -Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings. -Go away! -There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. -Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking. -She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else. -She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about? -Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right? -Donkey! -No! -Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? {Sighs} -I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you forgive me? -Hey, that's what friends are for, right? -Right. Friends? -Friends. -So, um, what did Fiona say about me? -What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? -The wedding! We'll never make it in time. -Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I have a way. {Whistles} -Donkey? -I guess it's just my animal magnetism. {Laughing} -Aw, come here, you. -All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. -Whoo! {Bells tolling} {All gasping} -People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union.... -Um- -of our new king - - -Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? {Chuckling} -Go on. -Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you? -What are you talking about? -There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!" -I don't have time for this! -Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? -Yes. -You wanna hold her? -Yes. -Please her? -Yes! -Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that romantic crap! -All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? -We gotta check it out. -And so, by the power vested in me, -What do you see? -The whole town's in there. -I now pronounce you husband and wife, -They're at the altar. -king and queen. -Mother Fletcher! He already said it. -Oh, for the love of Pete! {Grunts} -I object! -Shrek? {Gasps} -Oh, now what does he want? -Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all. Very clean. -What are you doing here? -Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding - - -Fiona! I need to talk to you. -Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me - - -But you can't marry him. -And why not? -Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king. -Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. -He's not your true love. -And what do you know about true love? -Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - - -Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. {Crowd laughting} -An orge and a princess! -Shrek, is this true? -Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm! -"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before. {Whimpers} {Crown gasping} -Well, uh, that explains a lot. -Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both! -No, no! -Shrek! -This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See? -No, let go of me! Shrek! -No! -Don't just stand there, you morons. -Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh! -I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! -You'll beg for death to save you! -No, Shrek! -And as for you, my wife, -Fiona! -I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! -I'm king! {Whistles} -I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah! -Aah! -All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. {Roars} -I'm a donkey on the edge! {Belches} -Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? {Cheering} -Go ahead, Shrek. -Uh, Fiona? -Yes, Shrek? -I - - I love you. -Really? -Really, really. - I love you too. -Aawww! -"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form." -"Take love's true form. Take love's true form." -Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right? -Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. -But you ARE beautiful. {Chuckles} -I was hoping this would be a happy ending. I thought love was only true in fairy tales Oy! Meant for someone else but not for me Love was out to get me That's the way it seemed Disappointment haunted all my dreams And then I saw her face Now I'm a believer and not a trace Of doubt in my mind I'm in love Ooh-aah I'm a believer I couldn't leave her If I tried -God bless us, every one. Come on, y'all! Then I saw her face Ha-ha Now I'm a believer Listen! Not a trace Of doubt in my mind I'm in love Ooh-aah I'm a believer I couldn't leave her if I tried -Ooh! -Uh! Then I saw her face Now I'm a believer Hey! Not a trace Uhh! Yeah. Of doubt in my mind -One more time! I'm in love I'm a believer Come on! I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey Y'all sing it with me! I Believe I believe People in the back! I believe I'm a believer I believe I believe I believe I believe {Hysterical laughing} -Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. -I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I believe in self-assertion Destiny or a slight diversion Now it seems I've got my head on straight I'm a freak an apparition Seems I've made the right decision To try to turn back now it might be too late Now I want to stay home today Don't wanna go out If anyone comes to play Gonna get thrown out I wanna stay home today Don't want no company No way Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna be a millionaire someday But know what it feels like to give it away Watch me march to the beat of my own drum And it's off to the moon and then back again Same old day Same situation My happiness rears back as if to say I wanna stay home today Don't wanna go out If anyone comes to play Gonna get thrown out I wanna stay home today Don't want no company No way Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home......... I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes My heart skips a beat Girl, I feel so alive Please tell me, baby, if all this is true 'Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you Oh-oh-oh Makes me wanna dance Oh-oh-oh It's a new romance Oh-oh-oh I look into your eyes Oh-oh-oh The best years of our lives When we first met I could hardly believe The things that would happen and we could achieve So let's be together for all of our time Oh, girl, I'm so thankful that you are still mine You always consider me like an ugly duckling And treat me like a Nostradamus was why I had to get my shine on I break a little something to keep my mind on 'Cause you had my mind gone Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh Turn the lights on, Come on, baby Let's just rewind the song 'Cause all I want to do is make the rest years the best years All night long Oh-oh-oh Makes me wanna dance Makes me wanna dance Oh-oh-oh It's a new romance It's a new romance Oh-oh-oh I look into your eyes Oh, yeah, yeah I look into your eyes Oh-oh-oh The best years of our lives Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.............. Everything looks bright Standing in your light Everything feels right What's left is out of sight What's a girl to do I'm telling you You're on my mind I wanna be with you 'Cause when you're standin' next to me It's like wow And all your kisses seem to set me free It's like wow And when we touch it's such a rush I can't get enough It's like- - It's like Ooh-ooh Hey, what It's like wow Ooh-ooh, hey Hey, yeah It's like wow Everything is looking right now, right now It's like wow And I got this feeling This feeling it's just like wow It's just like wow You are all I'm thinking of. Like wow Everything feels right Everything feels right Like wow Everything looks bright All my senses are right Like wow Everything feels right Baby, baby, baby the way I'm feeling you Is like wow There is something that I see In the way you look at me There's a smile There's a truth In your eyes What an unexpected way On this unexpected day Could it be This is where I belong It is you I have loved All long There's no more mystery It is finally clear to me You're the home my heart's searched for So long It is you I have loved All long Whoa, over and over I'm filled with emotion As I look Into your perfect facen!

[truthbeetoldmedia]

The Bold Type 2x09 "Trippin'" Review

Can you believe we’re already nine episodes into the second season of The Bold Type? The only episode that remains is the season finale, perfectly set up by this week's episode. I mentioned before that if this show does anything well, it’s wrapping up the season, and this one is no exception.

In this episode, Jane spends almost the whole thing drunk and/or high, which was super entertaining to watch. (She also does a great rendition of “Torn” while drunk at a bar. Damn, Katie Stevens!)

However, things don’t start out so carefree for Jane — the episode begins with Ben handing her a binder full of information about her possible fertility choices moving forward. Ben is still being weird, I see. Here, have a binder full of terrifying life choices! Brought to you by none other than your boyfriend! I mean, there’s close up photos of cells and people in MRI scans… not the most comforting thing to look at.

I know Ben is only trying to help, but it’s very obvious that this isn’t the kind of help that Jane wants. She already has a doctor she can consult with on these issues, she doesn’t need another one. The purpose of a boyfriend and the purpose of a doctor are two very different things, and Ben seems to only be fulfilling one of those. I’m not  alone in thinking this, either. Later on in the episode Jane calls the binder “fertility preservation for dummies” and laments to Kat and Sutton that he’s acting like he knows what’s best for her without asking her how she feels.

After a rough morning of dealing with this, Jane runs into Pinstripe in the elevator. Jane needs the comfort that a distraction can bring, and she chooses Pinstripe over Ben. They go to a bar for lunch and have a contest about who can fit the most olives in their mouth — super cute, right? And exactly what Jane needs.

We also see a new dilemma beginning for Jane in this episode: what to do about Pinstripe? Last season they were friends with benefits, and Jane broke it off because it was too casual. She wanted more, and she knew that Pinstripe wasn’t that kind of guy. But, in this episode, we see some growth on that front. Pinstripe is taking life (and Jane) more seriously; he can see that something is stressing her out and he asks her about it, something that Season 1 Pinstripe never would have done.

Later on in the episode he tells her that he hopes he can be more than just her “beer o'clock” guy, and credits her for encouraging him to pursue writing his book. I’m sensing a set up for Jane in the finale: Ben, the guy who is basically her doctor that she occasionally has sex with, or Pinstripe, the guy who (in Jane’s words, people) “gets her” more.

Kat has a dilemma of her own this episode, but it’s more professional than personal (although there are some developments there, so stay tuned). Scarlet is launching a new and improved website, and during one of the pre-launch meetings Jacqueline drops a bombshell on Kat and co: the new website will no longer allow people to comment on any articles, videos, etc. Kat disagrees with this venture immediately; when they do get offensive or hostile comments they’re very quickly deleted, and disabling comments will take away the reader discussions that make the site and the magazine so vibrant.

I have to agree here — maybe if one particular article is sparking some vitriol then disable the comments on that one, but not the whole site. The whole point of Scarlet is to both start important conversations and have fun ones, and without comments the magazine is simply shouting into the void. Not to mention that people can and will still comment, but they’ll do it via Twitter and social media rather than directly on the website itself, which would take away a significant portion of web traffic.

In a panic, Kat decides to talk to Richard about the issue. Richard and Jacqueline have a great relationship that’s based in mutual respect, so she figures Richard would be the best person to get the point across to Jacqueline. This idea backfires, and Jacqueline instead takes issue with Kat trying to go around her rather than take her answer on the subject.

Now, this is a little uncharacteristically cold for Jacqueline, but it makes sense given the circumstances. On the day of the new website launch there was an article published, accusing Jacqueline of fading from relevance and importance at Scarlet. So, it’s not a surprise that Jacqueline feels the need to defend her judgement.  

Kat’s worries are confirmed later on when the launch results in almost no web traffic increase and the response to the disabled comments was universally lambasted. Jacqueline calls Kat, asking her for advice, which results in Jacqueline enabling comments and publishing a piece about the importance of community discussion and involvement.

While quickly resolved, the issue with the Scarlet website sparked a realization for Kat. During this really stressful and confusing time she only wanted to seek out Adena’s company, not anyone else. In this episode the three girls take a small road trip to Sutton’s hometown in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, and while there Kat develops a connection with a local bartender. She’s hesitant to go home with her, though, and Jane is confused: isn’t sex with a hot stranger the perfect thing to distract from the drama going on at work? Well, not for Kat.

In the past few episodes we’ve seen Kat and Adena make their relationship an open one, so Kat can explore her sexuality while still being emotionally attached to Adena. At first it was awkward for Kat, but now her issue isn’t getting past having sex with strangers: she realizes that she wants to be with Adena and only Adena, and that she doesn’t find comfort in their open relationship anymore.

For a relationship that’s been rocky the whole season, this is great news, right? They do end up getting back together, but there’s still some tension: Kat asks Adena to go to breakfast, but she turns her down in order to work on her art some more. It’s obvious this makes Kat uneasy and a little upset.

This is where my issue starts: I am not a fan of how Kat has treated Adena this season. She hasn't been mean or rude to Adena, but she has been a little selfish, and this episode is no exception. Why, you ask? Didn’t Kat just opt out of an open relationship to spend more time with Adena? Yes, but when you look at the season as a whole, there is a clear divide of give and take, with Kat doing almost all of the taking.

Early in the season we saw Kat become jealous of Adena, constantly questioning her relationships with women and being paranoid that they would run into one of Adena’s exes wherever they went. In the very next episode, Kat kisses a strange girl at a club. She tells Adena right away, but she’s obviously upset. Adena offers the option of an open relationship so Kat can explore her sexuality, so Kat starts casually seeing other women. She also tells Adena about this, when Adena specifically told her that they should keep Kat’s adventures separate from their relationship.

Now, in this episode, we see Kat run back to Adena when she needs something from her (in this case, comfort). I don’t think this is malicious or manipulative, but the truth is clear: Kat is doing whatever she wants while Adena just takes it.

This is especially one sided when you think of how much Adena has sacrificed to be with Kat: she’s in a country that doesn’t want her, away from family, struggling to look for work. While Adena CHOSE to stay with Kat, I still can’t help but wonder when Adena’s needs will take precedent.

Now to Sutton, who has finally gotten a great story that doesn’t involve her job or a relationship. As we learned last episode, Sutton is going to Paris (!!!), so naturally, she needs her birth certificate for the passport application. This is where that road trip to Pennsylvania comes in: the only way Sutton can get her original birth certificate fast enough for the application is to pick it up herself.

We finally get to meet the infamous Babs Brady, Sutton’s unstable, hard-drinking mother. Sutton is on edge almost immediately after setting out on the road trip, bracing Kat and Jane for the trainwreck that is her mother. Sutton even tries to go directly to her old home and find the document herself, wanting to avoid seeing her mother at all. Unfortunately for Sutton the spare key is missing, so her and the girls head over to the local dive bar, Dicey Riley’s, to wait for her mother to show up. When Babs does show up, Jane and Kat are confused: she’s put together, clean, and not drunk.

Despite this obvious positive change, Sutton is still pretty hostile and outright rude to her mother. She’s still living in the past, unwilling to listen to her mother talk about her new job at Dicey Riley’s (she even quips that it’s only for the free drinks), her seven months of being sober, and her intention to go to nursing school. Sutton maintains that her mother is a wreck and that she’s still living in a rat infested house, neither of which are true anymore.

This isn’t as simple as Sutton simply being rude and in a hurry to get her birth certificate. Anyone who has an addict in their life, especially a parent, is familiar with what I’ve just outlined. It’s not that Sutton doesn’t care that her mother has been sober and has a job: it’s that she’s heard it before, a million times, and each time she gets her hopes up everything just comes crashing down.

A big shoutout to Meghann Fahy for acting her ass off this episode; it’s rare that we get such a genuine portrayal of the child of an addict coming to terms with a parent’s sobriety. That’s mostly because most people would think that’s a good thing, and it is, but it’s not that simple. Sutton is trying so hard to keep her mother as she was because it’s easier; it’s familiar, and almost safe. She KNOWS her mother is an addict, she KNOWS nothing she says or does will change that, so she cut all ties to her mother and her hometown and committed herself fully to her new life in New York. If her mother is sober, she has to revisit this familiar place again, and brace herself for the very real possibility that it won’t last forever. The happiness of a parent being sober is also accompanied by the 24/7 dread of waiting for them to fall off the wagon once again.

Sutton isn’t easily convinced — what’s to say that this time is different? Kat tells her that they have each other. Sutton has a great support system in Jane and Kat, and she’s no longer alone in dealing with any of her problems. If her mother stays sober, that’s fantastic (and to Jane’s point, at least she has a mother). If she doesn’t, she has two fantastic friends to support her.

So — What’s going to happen in Paris? Who will Jane choose (if anyone)? What will happen to Jacqueline? What about Kat and Adena? Finale episode, bring it on.

The Season 2 finale of The Bold Type airs August 7 at 8/7c on Freeform.

Alyssa’s episode rating: 🐝🐝🐝🐝  

[demon-sneeze]

So guys...

I haven’t been totally honest with y’all... I have a lot to say and I’m sorry its taken me this long to say it.

{Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. {Laughing} Like that's ever gonna happen. {Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes} What a load of - Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead The years start comin' and they don't stop comin' Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin' Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do so much to see So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow Hey, now You're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now but wait till you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire How 'bout yours That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored Hey, now, you're an all-star {Shouting} Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold {Belches} Go! Go! {Record Scratching} Go. Go.Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold -Think it's in there? -All right. Let's get it! -Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? -Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. {Laughs} -Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint. Now, ogres - - They're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. -No! -They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. -Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! {Gasping} -Right. {Roaring} {Shouting} {Roaring} {Whispers} This is the part where you run away. {Gasping} {Laughs} {Laughing} And stay out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." {Sighs} {Man's voice} All right. This one's full. -Take it away! {Gasps} -Move it along. Come on! Get up! -Next! -Give me that! Your fiying days are over. That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! -Get up! Come on! -Twenty pieces. {Thudding} -Sit down there! -Keep quiet! {Crying} -This cage is too small. -Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! -Oh, shut up. -Oh! -Next! -What have you got? -This little wooden puppet. -I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. -Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. -Father, please! Don't let them do this! -Help me! -Next! What have you got? -Well, I've got a talking donkey. {Grunts} -Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. -Oh, go ahead, little fella. -Well? -Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - - -That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! -No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. -Get her out of my sight. -No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! {Gasps} -Hey! I can fly! -He can fly! -He can fly! -He can talk! -Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Oh-oh. {Grunts} -Seize him! -After him! He's getting away! {Grunts, Gasps} {Man} -Get him! This way! Turn! -You there. Orge! -Aye? -By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility. -Oh, really? You and what army? {Gasps, Whimpering} {Chuckles} -Can I say something to you? -Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa! -Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. -Oh, that's great. Really. -Man, it's good to be free. -Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? -But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. {Roaring} -Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - - {Mumbling} Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day. -Why are you following me? -I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone There's no one here beside me My promlems have all gone There's no one to deride me But you gotta heve friends - - -Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends. -Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. -Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? -Uh - - Really tall? -No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? -Nope. -Really? -Really, really. -Oh. -Man, I like you. What's you name? -Uh, Shrek. -Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that? -That would be my home. -Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. -I guess you don't entertain much, do you? -I like my privacy. -You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. -Can I stay with you? -Uh, what? -Can I stay with you, please? -Of course! -Really? -No. -Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! -Okay! Okay! But one night only. -Ah! Thank you! -What are you - - No! No! -This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. -Oh! -Where do, uh, I sleep? -Outside! -Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. {Sniffles} -Here I go. -Good night. {Sighs} -I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. I'm all alone There's no one here beside me {Bubbling} {Sighs} {Creaking} {Sighs} -I thought I told you to stay outside. -I'm outside. {Clattering} -Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? -It's not home, but it'll do just fune. -What a lovely bed. -Got ya. {Sniffs} I found some cheese. -Ow! {Grunts} -Blah! Awful stuff. -Is that you, Gorder? -How did you know? -Enough! What are you doing in my house? {Grunts} -Hey! {Snickers} -Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. -Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. -Huh? {Gusps} {Male voice} What? -I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I have to do get a little privacy? -Aah! -Oh, no. No! No! {Cackling} -What? -Quit it. -Don't push. {Squeaking} {Lows} - What are you doing in my swamp? {Echoing} Swamp! Swamp! Swamp! {Gasping} -Oh, dear! -Whoa! -All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! -Quickly. Come on! -No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. -Oh! {Sighs} -Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. -Oh, gosh, no one invited us. -What? -We were forced to come here. -By who? -Lord Farquaad. -He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice. {Sighs} -All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? {Murmuring} -Oh, I do. I know where he is. -Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? -Me! Me! -Anyone? -Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! {Sighs} -Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! {Cheering} {Twittering} -Oh! You! You're comin' with me. - All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! -On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. -Hey. Oh, oh! -I can't wait to get on the road again. -What did I say about singing? -Can I whistle? -No. -Can I hum it? -All right, hum it. {Humming} {Grunts} {Whimpering} -That's enough. He's ready to talk. {Coughing} {Laughing} {Clears throat} -Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man! -You are a monster. -I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others? -Eat me!{Grunts} -I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll - - -No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. -All right then. Who's hiding them? -Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? -The muffin man? -The muffin man. -Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? -Well, she's married to the muffin man. -The muffin man? -The muffin man! -She's married to the muffin man. {Door opens} -My lord! We found it. -Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. {Man grunting} {Gasping} -Oh! -Magic mirror - - -Don't tell him anything! -No! {Ginerbread man whispers} -Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? -Well, technically you're not a king. -Uh, Thelonius. -You were saying? -What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one.  All you have to do is marry a princess. -Go on. {Chuckles} -So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. -Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! -And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! -So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? -Two! Two! -Three! Three! -Two! Two! -Three! -Three? One? {Shudders} Three? --Three! Pick number three, my lord! -Okay, okay, uh, number three! -Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. If you like pina coladas And getting caught in the rain -Princess Fiona. If you're not into yoga -She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - - -But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. -I'll do it. -Yes, but after sunset - - -Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. -But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it. -So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. -Uh-huh. That's the place. -Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? {Laughs} {Groans} -Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. -Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. -Hey, you! {Screams} -Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - {Whimpering} {Sighs} {Whimpering, Groans} {Turnstile clatters} {Chuckles} {Sighs} -It's quiet. Too quiet. {Creaking} -Where is everybody? -Hey, look at this! {Clattering, whirring, clicking} Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along fine DuLoc is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face DuLoc is, DuLoc is DuLoc is perfect ...... place {Camera shutter clicks {Whirring} -Wow! Let's do that again! -No. No. No, no, no! No. {Trumpet fanfare} {Crowd cheering} -Brave knights. -You are the best and brightest in all the land. -Today one of you shall prove himself - - -All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. -Sorry about that. {Cheering} -That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. {Cheering} -Let the tournament begin! {Gasps} -Oh! -What is that? {Gasping} -It's hideous! -Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. -Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named champion! Have it him! -Get him! -Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. -Go ahead! Get him! -Can't we just settle this over a pint? -Kill the beast! -No? All right then. Come on! I don't give a damn about my reputation You're living in the past It's a new generation -Damn! {Whinnying} A girl can do what she wants to do And that's what I'm gonna do And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me -Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Never said I wanted to improve my station -Ah! {Laughs} And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun -Yeah! And I don't have to please no one -The chair! Give him the chair! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me {Bell dings} {Cheering} {Laughs} -Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! {Shrek laughs} {Crowd gasping, murmuring} -Shall I give the order, sir? -No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! -What? -Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. -Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures! {Crowd murmuring} -Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. -Exactly the way it was? -Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. -And the squatters? -As good as gone. -What kind of quest? -Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. -Is that about right? -Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. -I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole orge trip. -Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? -Uh, no, not really, no. -For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think. -Example? -Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions. -{Sniffs} They stink? -Yes - - No! -They make you cry? -No! -You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. -No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. {Sighs} -Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. -I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes. -You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. -No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later. -Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. -You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh And everything that you receive up yonder Is what you give to me the day I wander I'm on my way I'm on my way I'm on my way -Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that? -You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's brimstone We must be getting close. -Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither. {Rumbling} -Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. {Laughing} -Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers? -Oh, aye. -Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. -Wait a second.  Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what I mean. -You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. -I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling like of lava! -Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. -Really? -Really, really. -Okay, that makes me feel so much better. -Just keep moving. And don't look  down. -Okay, don't look  down. Don't look  down. Don't look  down. Keep on moving. Don't look  down. {Gasps} -Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please! -But you're already halfway. -But I know that half is safe! -Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. -Shrek, no! Wait! -Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me? -Don't do that! -Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh, this? -Yes, that! -Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. {Screams} -No, Shrek! No! Stop it! -You said do it! I'm doin' it. -I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh! -That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. -Cool. -So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? -Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. {Chuckles} -I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. {Water dripping, wind howling} -You afraid? -No. -But - - - Shh. -Oh, good. Me neither. {Gasps} -'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. {Gasps} -Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. -Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. -The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. -What makes you think she'll be there? -I read it in a book once. -Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. {Creacing} -I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it. -Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - - -Dragon! {Screams} {Gasps} {Roars} -Donkey, look out! {Screams} {Whimpering} -Got ya! {Roars} {Gasps} {Shouts} -Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! {Screaming} {Gasps} -Oh! Aah! Aah! {Gasping} {Crowls} -No. Oh, no, No! {Screams} -Oh, what large teeth you have. {Crowls} -I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got  there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - - (Coughs) -I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings. Shrek! {Gasps} {Whimpering} -No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! {Groans, Sighs} {Vocalizing} -Oh! Oh! -Wake up! -What? -Are you Princess Fiona? -I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. -Oh, that's nice. Now let's go! -But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? -Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. -Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. -You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? -Mm-hmm. {Screams, grunts} -But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! -I don't think so. -Can I at least know the name of my champion? -Um, Shrek. -Sir Shrek. {Cleans throat} -I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. -Thanks! {Roaring} -You didn't slay the dragon? -It's on my to-do list. Now come on! {Screams} -But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did. -Yeah, right before they burst into flame. -That's not the point. Oh! -Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there. -Well, I have to save my ass. -What kind of knight are you? -One of a kind. -Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned. {Laughs} -I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - -  Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards - -  I'd really love to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh! {Growls} {Roaring} {Gasps} -Hi, Princess! -It talks! -Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. {Screams} {Screaming} -Oh! {Thuds} {Groans} {Roars} {Roaring} -Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. {Fchoing} -Run! {Gasping} {Screaming} {Roaring} {Screams} {Roars} {Panting, sighs} {Whimpers} {Roars} -You did it! -You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful. You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. {Clears throat} -And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? -I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. -The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. -Uh, no. -Why not? -I have helmet hair. -Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. -No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st. -But how will you kiss me? -What? That wasn't in the job description. -Maybe it's a perk. -No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. -Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you true love? -Well, yes. {Laughing} -You think Shrek is your true love! -What is so funny? -Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay? -Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your helmet. -Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. -Just take off the helmet. -I'm not going to. -Take ot off. -No! -Now! -Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. -You- - You're a- - an orge. -Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. -Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an orge. {Sighs} -Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who wants to marry you. -Then why didn't he come rescue me? -Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. -But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- - his pet. -So much for noble steed. -You're not making my job any easier. -I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. -Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy. -You wouldn't dare. Put me down! -Ya comin', Donkey? -I'm right behind ya. -Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! -Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? -You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what happens when you find your - -  Hey! {Sighs} -The sooner we get to DuLoc the better. -You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! -And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? -Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. {Laughs} -I don't know. There are those who think little of him. -Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. -Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. -Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp? -No, that'll take longer. We can keep going. -But there's robbers in the woods. -Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good. -Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. -I need to find somewhere to camp now! {Birds wings fluttering} {Grunting} -Hey! Over here. -Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess. -No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. -Homey touches? Like what? {Crashing} -A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. -You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. -I said good night! -Shrek, What are you doing? {Laughs} -I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding. {Fire cracking} -And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over three wheat fields. Right. Yeah. -Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? -The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. -I know you're making this up. -No, look. There he is,  and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. -That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. -You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it. {Sighs} -Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? -Our swamp? -You know, when we're through rescuing the princess. -We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my land. -You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. -No, do ya think? -Are you hidin' something? -Never mind, Donkey. -Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? -No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things. -Why don't you want to talk about it? -Why do you want to talk about it? -Why are you blocking? -I'm not blocking. -Oh, yes, you are. -Donkey, I'm warning you. -Who you trying to keep out? -Everyone! Okay? -Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere. -Oh! For the love of Pete! -What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway? -Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go. "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone. -You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly orge. -Yeah, I know. -So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? -Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying. -Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there? -That's the moon. -Oh, okay. {Orchestra} {Dulcimer} -Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. -Hmph. -Ah. Perfect. {Inhales} {Snoring} {Vocalizing} {Whistling} {Sizzling} {Sniffs, yawns} -Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. --Come on, baby. I said I like it. -Donkey, wake up. -Huh? What? -Wake up. -What? -Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs? -Good morning, Princess! -What's all this about? -You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. -Uh, thanks. {Sniffs} -Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. {Belches} -Shrek! -What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs} -Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess. {Belches} -Thanks. -She's as nasty as you are. -{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected. -Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. {Vocalizing} -La liberte! Hey! -Princess! {Laughs} -What are you doing? -Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from this green - - {Kissing sounds} -beast. -Hey! -That's my princess! Go find you own! -Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? -Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are! -Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry Men. {Laughs} {Accordion} Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo. I steal from the rich and give to the needy. He takes a wee percentage, But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels Man, I'm good What a guy, Monsieur Hood Break it down I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid What he's basically saying is he likes to get - - Paid So When an orge in the bush grabs a lady by the tush That's bad That's bad When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad He's mad He's really, really mad I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart Keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start {Grunts, Groans} {Karate Yell} {Merry Men Gasping} {Panting} -Man, that was annoying! -Oh, you little- - {Karate Yell} {Accordion} {Shouting, groaning} {Chuckles} -Uh, shall we? -Hold the phone. {Grunts} Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from? -What? -That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that? -Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt! -What? Oh, would you look at that? -Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. -Why? What's wrong? -Shrek's hurt. -Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die. -Donkey, I'm okay. -You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich? -Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. -Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! -{Both} Donkey! -Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. -What are the flowers for? -For getting rid of Donkey. -Ah. -Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out. -Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'. -I'm sorry, but it has to come out. -No, it's tender. -Now, hold on. -What you're doing is the opposite of help. -Don't move. -Look, time out. -Would you - - {Grunts} -Okay. What do you propose we do? -Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns. -Ow! -Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! -Ow! Not good. -Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. {Grunts} -It's just about - - -Ow! Ohh! -Ahem. -Nothing happend. We were just, uh - - -Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay? -Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just- - Ugh! -Ow! -Hey, what's that? {Nervous chickle} -That's- - Is that blood? {Sighs} {Bird chirping} {Grunts} My beloved monster and me We go everywhere together Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves Gets us through all kinds of weather -Aah! She will always be the only thing That comes between me and the awful sting That comes from living in a world that's so damn mean {Croaks} Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh -Hey! La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la {Both laughing} La-la, la-la, la-la -There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. -That's DuLoc? -Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something,  which I think means he has a really - - Ow! -Um, I, uh- -  I guess we better move on. -Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey. {Blubbering} -What? -I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. -What are you talking about? I'm fine. -That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. Dead. -You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? -Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea. -I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look, {Bones crunch} -Ow! See? -Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. -I'll get the firewood. -Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug. -Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this? -Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style. -No kidding. Well, this is delicious. -Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. {Chuckling} {Sighs} -I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. {Gulps} -Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it. {Chuckles} -I'd like that. {Slurps, laughs} See the pyramids along the Nile -Um, Princess? Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle -Yes, Shrek? -I, um, I was wondering. Just remember, darling all the while -Are you- - You belong to me {Sighs} -Are you gonna eat that? {Chuckles} -Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. -Sunset? -Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late. -What? -Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? -Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside. -Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until - - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. {Shrek sighs} -Good night. -Good night. {Door creaks} -Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here. -Oh, what are you talkin' about? -I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. -You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. -Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel. -I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a princess, and I'm - - -An orge? -Yeah. An orge. -Hey, where you goin'? -To get... move firewood. {Sighs} -Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? {Wings fluttering} -Princess? {Creaking} {Gasps} -It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. {Screams} -Aah! -Oh, no! -No, help! -Shh! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -No, it's okay. It's okay. -What did you do with the princess? -Donkey, I'm the princess. -Aah! -It's me, in this body. -Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me? -Donkey! -Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! -No! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -Shh. -Shrek! -This is me. {Muffled mumbling} -Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different. -I'm ugly, okay? -Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - - -No. -I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember. -What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. -It's only happens when sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form." -Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. -It's a spell. {Sighs} -When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this. {Sobs} -All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. -But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look. -Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? -I have to.  Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. -But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you got a lot in common. -Shrek? -Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh - - {Sighs} -I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. -I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. {Gasps} -My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. {Deep sigh} -Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. -You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. -No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. -What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? -Promise you won't tell. Promise! -All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. -Look at my eye twitchin'. {Door opens} {Snoring} -I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. -Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - - {Snoring} -Shrek. Are you all right? -Perfect! Never been better. -I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you. -You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night. -You heard what I said? -Every word. -I thought you'd understand. -Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" -But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. -Yeah? Well, it does. {Gasps, sighs} -Ah, right on time. {Horse whinnies} -Princess, I've brought you a little something. {Fanfare} {Yawns} -What'd I miss? What'd I miss? {Muffled} -Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey. -Princess Fiona. -As promised. Now hand it over. -Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. -Take it and go before I change my mind. -Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad. -Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. {Snaps fingers} -Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell. -Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the orge. It's not like it has feelings. -No, you're right. It doesn't. -Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage. {Gasps} -Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? -Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - - -Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! -No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets. -Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests! -Fare-thee-well, orge. -Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. -Yeah? So what? -Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night, She's - - -I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? -Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you. -I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! -But I thought - - -Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong! -Shrek. I heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord But you don't really care for music, do ya It goes like this the fourth, the fifth The minor fall the major lift The baffled king composing hallelujah Hallelujah,  hallelujah Baby, I've been here before I know this room I've walked this floor I used to live alone before I knew you I've seen your flag on the marble arch But love is not a victory march It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah Hallelujah,  hallelujah And all I ever learned from love Is how to shoot at someone Who outdrew you {Moaning} And it's not a cry you can hear at night It's not somebody who's seen the light It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah {Moaning} Hallelujah,  hallelujah {Thumping sound} -Donkey? {Grunts} -What are you doing? -I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. -Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. -It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half. -Oh! Your half. Hmm. -Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. -Back off! -No, you back off. -This is my swamp! -Our swamp. -Let go, Donkey! -You let go. -Stubborn jackass! -Smelly orge. -Fine! -Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. -Well, I'm through with you. -Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. -Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? -Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! -Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in the back! -Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings. -Go away! -There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. -Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking. -She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else. -She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about? -Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right? -Donkey! -No! -Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? {Sighs} -I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you forgive me? -Hey, that's what friends are for, right? -Right. Friends? -Friends. -So, um, what did Fiona say about me? -What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? -The wedding! We'll never make it in time. -Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I have a way. {Whistles} -Donkey? -I guess it's just my animal magnetism. {Laughing} -Aw, come here, you. -All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. -Whoo! {Bells tolling} {All gasping} -People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union.... -Um- -of our new king - - -Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? {Chuckling} -Go on. -Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you? -What are you talking about? -There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!" -I don't have time for this! -Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? -Yes. -You wanna hold her? -Yes. -Please her? -Yes! -Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that romantic crap! -All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? -We gotta check it out. -And so, by the power vested in me, -What do you see? -The whole town's in there. -I now pronounce you husband and wife, -They're at the altar. -king and queen. -Mother Fletcher! He already said it. -Oh, for the love of Pete! {Grunts} -I object! -Shrek? {Gasps} -Oh, now what does he want? -Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all. Very clean. -What are you doing here? -Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding - - -Fiona! I need to talk to you. -Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me - - -But you can't marry him. -And why not? -Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king. -Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. -He's not your true love. -And what do you know about true love? -Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - - -Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. {Crowd laughting} -An orge and a princess! -Shrek, is this true? -Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm! -"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before. {Whimpers} {Crown gasping} -Well, uh, that explains a lot. -Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both! -No, no! -Shrek! -This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See? -No, let go of me! Shrek! -No! -Don't just stand there, you morons. -Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh! -I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! -You'll beg for death to save you! -No, Shrek! -And as for you, my wife, -Fiona! -I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! -I'm king! {Whistles} -I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah! -Aah! -All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. {Roars} -I'm a donkey on the edge! {Belches} -Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? {Cheering} -Go ahead, Shrek. -Uh, Fiona? -Yes, Shrek? -I - - I love you. -Really? -Really, really. - I love you too. -Aawww! -"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form." -"Take love's true form. Take love's true form." -Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right? -Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. -But you ARE beautiful. {Chuckles} -I was hoping this would be a happy ending. I thought love was only true in fairy tales Oy! Meant for someone else but not for me Love was out to get me That's the way it seemed Disappointment haunted all my dreams And then I saw her face Now I'm a believer and not a trace Of doubt in my mind I'm in love Ooh-aah I'm a believer I couldn't leave her If I tried -God bless us, every one. Come on, y'all! Then I saw her face Ha-ha Now I'm a believer Listen! Not a trace Of doubt in my mind I'm in love Ooh-aah I'm a believer I couldn't leave her if I tried -Ooh! -Uh! Then I saw her face Now I'm a believer Hey! Not a trace Uhh! Yeah. Of doubt in my mind -One more time! I'm in love I'm a believer Come on! I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey Y'all sing it with me! I Believe I believe People in the back! I believe I'm a believer I believe I believe I believe I believe {Hysterical laughing} -Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. -I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I believe in self-assertion Destiny or a slight diversion Now it seems I've got my head on straight I'm a freak an apparition Seems I've made the right decision To try to turn back now it might be too late Now I want to stay home today Don't wanna go out If anyone comes to play Gonna get thrown out I wanna stay home today Don't want no company No way Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna be a millionaire someday But know what it feels like to give it away Watch me march to the beat of my own drum And it's off to the moon and then back again Same old day Same situation My happiness rears back as if to say I wanna stay home today Don't wanna go out If anyone comes to play Gonna get thrown out I wanna stay home today Don't want no company No way Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home......... I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes My heart skips a beat Girl, I feel so alive Please tell me, baby, if all this is true 'Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you Oh-oh-oh Makes me wanna dance Oh-oh-oh It's a new romance Oh-oh-oh I look into your eyes Oh-oh-oh The best years of our lives When we first met I could hardly believe The things that would happen and we could achieve So let's be together for all of our time Oh, girl, I'm so thankful that you are still mine You always consider me like an ugly duckling And treat me like a Nostradamus was why I had to get my shine on I break a little something to keep my mind on 'Cause you had my mind gone Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh Turn the lights on, Come on, baby Let's just rewind the song 'Cause all I want to do is make the rest years the best years All night long Oh-oh-oh Makes me wanna dance Makes me wanna dance Oh-oh-oh It's a new romance It's a new romance Oh-oh-oh I look into your eyes Oh, yeah, yeah I look into your eyes Oh-oh-oh The best years of our lives Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.............. Everything looks bright Standing in your light Everything feels right What's left is out of sight What's a girl to do I'm telling you You're on my mind I wanna be with you 'Cause when you're standin' next to me It's like wow And all your kisses seem to set me free It's like wow And when we touch it's such a rush I can't get enough It's like- - It's like Ooh-ooh Hey, what It's like wow Ooh-ooh, hey Hey, yeah It's like wow Everything is looking right now, right now It's like wow And I got this feeling This feeling it's just like wow It's just like wow You are all I'm thinking of. Like wow Everything feels right Everything feels right Like wow Everything looks bright All my senses are right Like wow Everything feels right Baby, baby, baby the way I'm feeling you Is like wow There is something that I see In the way you look at me There's a smile There's a truth In your eyes What an unexpected way On this unexpected day Could it be This is where I belong It is you I have loved All long There's no more mystery It is finally clear to me You're the home my heart's searched for So long It is you I have loved All long Whoa, over and over I'm filled with emotion As I look Into your perfect face

[carolina-bleus]

Prologue...Two Weeks Before Thanksgiving

“Seriously, if you want to experience this city in a different way, just take this man with you. As soon as he opens his mouth, it’s like you get a key to the city. His accent opens doors to a whole new world.”

“Michonne,” Rick said while blushing slightly. “I think you are giving new meaning to the phrase ‘artistic license.’ People don’t treat me any differently.”

“Rick, come on,” Michonne scoffed. “Once people hear that accent, they start bending over backwards being nice and helpful. And I’m not complaining because I benefit as well.”

Sasha laughed. “You sure it isn’t his face that’s opening all those doors?”

Michonne squinted her eyes and pretended to exam Rick’s face. “No. I think it’s strictly the accent,” she said to the amusement of everyone, including Rick.

“As y’all can see, if I ever get the notion to overinflate my ego, Michonne is right there with a sharp tool at the ready to keep me grounded.”

“Are you referring to my mind or my mouth?”

After a quick glance at her mouth, Rick locked eyes with Michonne. “Both.”

Michonne responded with a smile which Rick couldn’t help but return.

Sasha and Aaron sat on the other side of the table and watched their friends’ interaction before casting a smirk at each other.

“Alright,” Michonne said as she turned back to Aaron and Sasha. “I see folks need some convincing. Let me tell you what happened the other night when Rick and I went out for drinks after work.”

Before Michonne could get her story going, Rick’s phone rang. He looked at the caller id and pushed his chair back and stood.

“Sorry, y’all,” he apologized. “I need to take this. It’s my mama calling. I’ll be right back.”

Aaron and Sasha watched Rick walk out of the café.

“He’s handsome, smart, has a great job, and he loves his mother, too? It almost seems unfair to other men,” Aaron murmured to Sasha.

“I know, right?” Sasha agreed.

“What’s all the whispering going on over there?” Michonne asked.

“Oh, nothing. Go on with your story.” Aaron urged.

Michonne eyed her friends before continuing. “So, anyway, Rick and I went out last week for drinks at that new spot that opened up on Porter Street. They were nice when we walked in, but as soon as Rick said ‘table for two’ in that Georgia drawl of his, y’all, they went crazy!”

Michonne shook her head and laughed at the memory. She stopped laughing when she noticed Sasha and Aaron staring at her. “What?”

Sasha looked at Aaron before speaking. “Uh, do you realize what you just said?”

“What do you mean?”

“You just said ‘y’all’ and it wasn’t a joke. It just legit flowed off of your tongue like it’s used to being said.”

Michonne shook her head in disbelief. “No, it didn’t. That word’s not part of my vocabulary and never has been. Y’all are being ridic-“ Michonne abruptly stopped speaking and her eyes widened. “Oh my goodness. I just said ‘y’all’! When did that happen?”

Sasha shrugged. “You spend so much time with Rick, I guess he’s finally rubbing off on you.”

“Lucky girl,” Aaron commented. Sasha smacked him on the shoulder before they both gave into a fit of laughter.

Michonne was not amused as she scowled at her friends. “We don’t spend that much time together.”

Aaron and Sasha gave Michonne identical screw faces.

“We don’t,” Michonne insisted.

Aaron cleared his throat. “Let the record show that not only are you two co-workers, you’re also neighbors, workout buddies, lunch buddies, dinner buddies, happy hour buddies...”

“To add to that,” Sasha interjected, “you are also on such good terms with his parents that you all have a standing dinner date whenever they come to visit Rick. Aaron and I have never even met Rick’s parents. I mean, you do pretty much everything together, you are friends with his parents, and now you are even starting to talk like each other. That’s pretty substantial evidence.”

“Rick does not talk like me.”

Sasha arched a brow. “Rick told Zeke he was trippin’ if he thought the Giants had a chance to go over .500 this year.”

“Have you seen their season thus far? Rick was right. Zeke was trippin’.” Michonne shrugged. “Now is the dynamic tag team duo finished? May I rebut?”

Sasha nodded. “Go right ahead.”

“Well, Sasha, I’m glad you’re a doctor and Aaron a marketing exec because you would both make crappy lawyers.”

“Hey! We’ve seen every episode of HTGWM,” Aaron protested.

“I don’t even know what to say to that or the acronym usage. But, I will say that Rick and I don’t spend any more time together than I spend with the two of you. Yes, we stay in the same complex and work at the same university, but that’s just a coincidence. There are others in the building who also work at the university because it’s so close to campus. And, yes, I know Rick’s parents pretty well but, again, that’s because Rick and I live in the same building so I’m there when his parents visit him. You two could come over anytime and meet them. I’m sure Suzanne and Harold would love it.”

“You just made this too easy. I got this, Sasha,” Aaron held his hand out for Sasha to tag it. An action which got an eyeroll from Michonne. “Two things. First, how often do you and Rick hang out with your coworkers who live in the building?”

“Well...um...” Michonne floundered for a second. “We don’t hang with them often because we spend so much time with you guys.”

“Shenanigans!” Aaron called out.

“You mean ‘objection’,” Michonne said.

“No, I mean shenanigans. Sasha doesn’t have much time at all with her schedule and between work and wedding planning with Eric, my plate is pretty much full as well. So, you and Rick have ample time to spend with others. Come to think of it, I think you may actually see Rick more than Sasha and I see Zeke and Eric.”

“Shenanigans,” Michonne said dryly. “Your last statement is a complete stretch. What’s number two, Annalise?”

“We both take that as a compliment, you know, cause Annalise is that chick.”

“I know, Sasha. One of you please continue.”

“Okay, I will,” Sasha said. “Two, you are on a first name basis with Rick’s parents?”

“Yes, they both insisted.”

“Mmhm. Interesting.”

“Not really. We’re all adults. What else am I supposed to call them? Now, is that all y’all have?”

Sasha and Aaron smiled at each other. “Nope. You just gave us the smoking gun,” Sasha said lightly.

“And that is?”

“You just said y’all again and didn’t even notice.” Aaron sat back and crossed his arms. “Case closed.”

“Did I really just say it again?” At her friends’ nods, Michonne sighed. “Shit.”

“Face it, Michonne. You and Rick are joined at the hip. Anyone on the outside looking in would think you two were a couple given the way you are with each other.”

While Aaron and Sasha congratulated each other on a case well argued, Michonne sat back deep in thought. She looked out to see Rick in front of the café’s picture window.  Have Rick and I been spending that much time together? Is it too much time? It doesn’t feel like it. When Rick suddenly caught her eye, Michonne glanced away as if he could read her thoughts.

Rick paced up and down the sidewalk in front of the café while speaking to his mother. She’d called to discuss this year’s Thanksgiving celebration.

“Mama, I know you are excited planning everything, but can we have this discussion a little later? How about I call you tonight? I’m out with some friends right now.”

“I’m not calling about Thanksgiving planning...well, not exactly.”

Rick immediately stopped pacing. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine, sweetie. Um, who all are you out with right now?”

Rick wondered at his mother abrupt change of subject. “I’m here with Aaron and Sasha. I don’t think you’ve met them yet. And, of course, Michonne is here.”

“Oh, how is Michonne doing? I just love her!”

Rick’s parents had met Michonne during one of their trips to visit their son in DC. The three had quickly hit it off. Rick’s parents absolutely adored Michonne and the feeling was mutual from her end. Now they always made a point to have dinner or some outing that included Michonne whenever they were in town.

“She’s good.” Rick glanced into the shop and saw that his words weren’t exactly true at the moment. Michonne was scowling at their friends who were leaning against each other laughing. Rick chuckled silently at the scene before turning away and focusing on his call.

“You’ve got to convince her to come visit me and your daddy one of these days.”

“I’ll see what I can do, Mama,” Rick promised.

“Good.” Suzanne took a deep breath. “Now, here’s the reason I’m calling. You remember Selby Graham, right?”

“Of course,” Rick nodded. “You are good friends with her mama. And Selby and I always sat next to each other in classes growing up because of our last names. What about her?”

“Well, you know she got married right out of high school.”

“Yeah.”

“Not surprisingly, it didn’t last and she’s divorced and back home with her two young kids.”

“Okay,” Rick said in confusion. “What does that have to do with Thanksgiving and me?”

“Weeelll...it seems like Selby has set her eyes back on you.”

“What?! What do you mean ‘set her eyes back on me’? Selby and I were never anything more than friends.”

“You did take her to prom junior year.”

“You asked me to because Mrs. Graham is your friend and Selby really wanted to go but didn’t have a date! I wanted to stay home and read.”

“You always were such a book lover. I’m not at all surprised you became a literature professor,” Suzanne said with pride.

Rick massaged his temples. “I’m an assistant professor at the moment, Mama. But let’s get back to Selby.”

“Do we have to?”

“Yes, Mama. You’re the one who called me.”

“Yes, that is true,” Suzanne sighed. “Well, I was talking to Selby’s mama, Amy, last week and, according to her...” Suzanne paused and cleared her throat uncomfortably.

“Mama, please don’t drag this out.”

“It’s moments like this that I wish I’d learned how to text.” Suzanne mumbled  before continuing. “Selby is looking to sew some long-lost wild oats and she wants you to be the seamstress.”

It always amused Rick whenever his mother, a farmer’s wife, got that idiom wrong, but now he was anything but amused. “What?! That’s not right.”

“Uh...the tailor?”

“No, Mama, that’s not what I meant. I’m not going to be the farmer, the seamstress, the tailor, the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker for Selby Graham and her wild oats.”

Against her will, Suzanne let out a laugh at Rick’s words.

“She needs to set her eyes elsewhere.”

“Son, I don’t think y’all suit either, but can’t you just be nice and take her out a couple of times while you’re home for Thanksgiving? It would be the nice thing to do.”

“Mama, I love you, but no. That would just open up a can of worms and feed into whatever revisionist history of our past that Selby has going on in her mind.”

“But it would just be for the week and then you’d be back in DC.”

“What happens when I come home for Christmas?” Rick shook his head. “I’m sorry, Mama, but I can’t do it. I am not available for Selby or any other of your friends’ single daughters. I’m off the market.”

“Off the market? Ricky, are you dating someone and didn’t tell me?”

Rick had a life-altering decision to make and he had a split-second in which to make it. He crossed his left index and middle fingers and spoke. “Yes. I am dating someone, Mama.”

“Who is it? When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me?” Suzanne asked at rapid speed.

“Well...it happened very recently. It’s so brand new that it feels like it just happened. I’m still getting used to it at the moment.” That was true at least.

“Who is the lucky lady? Is it someone I know?” Suzanne asked hopefully.

His mother’s question caused Rick to glance back into the café. He spotted Michonne staring in his direction. She glanced away when he caught her eye. “You sure do. I’m dating Michonne.”

Rick’s mother gasped in delight. “Michonne?! Oh, sweetie, I’m so happy! I didn’t want to say anything, but I always thought you two would be great together. She is an amazing young lady.”

His mother’s reaction was a surprise for Rick. “You wanted us to get together? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“You know I don’t like to meddle in my kids’ love lives.”

“Says the woman who forced me to take her friend’s daughter to prom,” Rick uttered dryly.

“Oh, that was one time.”

“And you were about to force me to go out on some more dates with her.”

“Okay, two times. But it doesn’t matter now because you certainly can’t go out with one woman while you are dating another.”

“You sound relieved.”

“I am. Amy had been about to work my last nerve bringing this up every time we talked. I’m glad I can just finally tell her ‘no’ and not feel guilty about it. Thank you, sweetie.”

“You’re welcome, Mama.” Rick felt a little guilty himself for lying to his mother but it was for both of their good so that eased his guilt a smidgen.

“I’m so glad everything is settled. We’ll see you and Michonne in two weeks.”

“Uh, come again?”

“Y’all just have to come and spend your first Thanksgiving together as a couple with us. Plus, your daddy and I really want to see Michonne again. Y’all dating makes her visit even more special.”

“Mama, Michonne has a family you know.” Rick’s heart started racing but he tried to keep his voice calm.

“I do know that, but can’t you see if she’ll spend Thanksgiving with us? Please, son?” Suzanne asked plaintively.

Rick easily relented at his mother’s plea. “Well, her parents are going on a cruise for the week of Thanksgiving.”

“Perfect! She can’t spend Thanksgiving all alone.”

“She has a brother and sister, Mama.”

“They can come, too. We have the room and the more the merrier. Just talk to her for me sweetie. Or, even better, I can call her. I have her number.”

Rick didn’t want his mother speaking to Michonne before he had a chance to explain. “Oh, don’t worry about it, Mama. I’ll talk to Michonne. We’ll definitely be there for Thanksgiving.”

“Wonderful! I’m even more excited about Thanksgiving than I was before! Tell that lovely girlfriend of yours I said hello.”

“I will, Mama. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Alright, sweetie. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Mama.” Rick ended the call and wondered what in the hell he’d just gotten himself...and Michone...into.

When Rick returned to his friends, Michonne was staring into her tea cup while Aaron and Sasha talked to each other.

Rick touched Michonne’s shoulder as he sat down beside her. “Hey, you okay?”

Michonne jumped, startled at the sudden contact. “Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking about some things.”

Rick figured it was more than that but he let it go because he had some things to think about as well...like how he was going to convince Michonne to go along with his Thanksgiving scheme.

“How was your conversation with your mother, Rick?” Aaron asked.

That’s the last thing Rick wanted to talk about at the moment. “Uh, it was fine. She just wanted to talk about some Thanksgiving thangs. I reckon she’s real excited about everyone comin’ home for the holidays.”

Michonne looked closely at Rick. She knew there was more to it than that. His accent always got thicker when he was nervous, trying to hide something, or when he was drunk.

“Oh, Mama said ‘hey’, Michonne. She’ll probably be giving you a call later this week.”

All thoughts about what Rick was hiding flew from Michonne’s mind at his words. She knew this would only add fuel to Sasha and Aaron’s fire. “Okay,” she uttered weakly.

“Oh, you and Rick’s mother talk on the phone? Isn’t that just so sweet?” Sasha said with a little smirk. “Isn’t that sweet, Aaron?”

“Absolutely adorable,” Aaron agreed. “It took me a whole year before I could talk to Eric’s parents without stammering. It takes time to get comfortable with other people’s parents.”

“Well, my parents love Michonne.” Rick figured he’d start laying the Operation Thanksgiving Couple groundwork right now. “They keep wanting her to come visit King County.”

“Is that so? I didn’t know that little tidbit. Did you know that, Sasha?”

“I certainly did not know that, Aaron.”

Michonne couldn’t take her friends’ little act any longer. She turned to Rick. “Can we cut this short? I suddenly have a splitting headache.”

“Sure, we can go. Did it just come up all of a sudden?” Rick asked in concern.

“No, it’s been brewing since we got here.” Michonne turned and looked at Aaron and Sasha. “And it’s only gotten worse since we’ve been here.”

Michonne used two fingers to rub her temple and when Rick stood to grab their coats she pulled her index finger away so that she was giving Aaron and Sasha the middle finger. Aaron nearly spit out his coffee laughing.

“I’m sorry that you don’t feel well, Michonne. If your headache isn’t any better, give me a call,” Sasha offered.

“Oh, you’ll definitely be hearing from me,” Michonne said as she stood up and allowed Rick to help her with her coat.

Sasha smiled. “I look forward to it.”

“Make sure you call me, too, Michonne.”

“Aaron, I see why Michonne would call Sasha about her headache with Sasha being a doctor and all. But why would she call you about it?” Rick asked.

“Well, I did a campaign for a...um...”

“An aspirin company,” Sasha supplied.

“Yeah! So I’m pretty well-versed on which ones work the best.”

Michonne simply stared at their friends while Rick looked on in confusion before speaking. “Uh...okay. We’ll see y’all later. Have a good evening.”

“You too!” Sasha and Aaron offered in cheerful unison.

Michonne spent much of the ride back to their complex staring out of the window. 

Rick let her be and used the time to rehearse his pitch. Maybe I should have asked Aaron for some advice. He’s good at convincing people to do things. No, I’d never hear the end of it with him.

Once they were inside and on their floor, Michonne tried to make a beeline for her condo.

“Hey, Michonne, I know you aren’t feeling well, but do you think we could talk for a minute?”

“Sure,” Michonne said with a sigh. There was something clearly bothering Rick and she wouldn’t let her issues get in the way of helping her friend. “Come on in.”

Michonne let Rick into her apartment and went about cutting on lights and adjusting the heat.

“You have a seat and rest your head, Michonne. I’ll get us something to drink.”

Michonne was about to protest, but then she remembered that her “headache” was what brought them home early, so she remained quiet while Rick moved around her kitchen like it was his.

I’m just as comfortable in his apartment.

Rick came out of the kitchen carrying a tray loaded with drinks, a light snack, and aspirin that he placed on Michonne’s coffee table before sitting beside her on the couch.

“Here, why don’t you try eating something first? You know you get a headache sometimes when you haven’t eaten.”

“No, I’m good...but thank you.” Rick’s care and consideration was hitting Michonne in a way she didn’t want to consider at the moment. “So what did you want to discuss?”

Rick’s eyes took a quick look around the room. “Oh...well...you see I was talkin’ to Mama and she was givin’ me the rundown on some goings on back home and, well, we got ourselves a bit of a situation that needs handlin’,” he rushed out.

“Wait. Rick, I need you to take a breath and calm down because if you get any more country on me, I’m going to need subtitles to understand you.”

Rick nodded. “Sorry.” He and inhaled and exhaled a few times before continuing. “You know Thanksgiving in is two weeks. Well, I’ve told you how huge it is in King County. It’s a week-long celebration with all sorts of activities that bring people back home from all over the place.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, one of the people coming back home this year is a girl named Selby. We grew up together and her mother and mine are good friends.”

“Were y’all—” Michonne cleared her throat. “Were you guys a couple?”

“Me and Selby? Goodness no. We were just classmates and I took her to prom junior year...at our mothers’ insistence.”

“That’s...different. Did your mothers want you to get together?”

“Mama just thought it would be a nice thing to do. I don’t know about the intentions of Selby’s mama back then. But I do know about Selby’s intentions right now.”

“And what are they?”

“She wants me.”

“WHAT?!”

“Hey, don’t talk so loud. We don’t want your headache to get worse.”

“I’m fine, Rick, really.” Michonne waived off Rick’s concern with a tight smile. “So...how do you know she wants you?”

“That’s what Mama told me this evening...in so many words. I guess Selby has got it in her head that I’m the perfect solution for her post-divorce woes and she’s determined to go out with me while I’m home.”

“Is that what you want?”

“No. Selby was always a nice girl, but I never saw her as anything more than a friend. I figured out during prom that she had a crush on me and I made sure I did nothing to encourage it, but I guess it didn’t matter. She’s single and looking to mingle with me.”

“Okay, so what are you going to do when you get home?”

“Well, Mama asked me to take Selby out a couple of times while I’m home...just to be nice.”

“That doesn’t sound like a good idea, Rick. It would just encourage her.”

“Exactly! But I knew Mama would continue to insist that I go out with Selby, so I had to give her a reason to...not insist.”

A real headache started forming behind Michonne’s eyes as if her body already knew what was about to happen next.

“And how did you get Suzanne to stop insisting?”

“I told her I was dating someone.”

“And who did you tell her you were dating, Rick?”

“You.”

Rick knew there would be no sudden outburst from Michonne. That wasn’t her usual style. She’d want all of the facts before acting.

“You told your mother, whom I know and see on a pretty regular basis, that you and I are dating?” Michonne asked quietly.

“Yes.”

Michonne nodded. “How did she take it?”  For some reason, the answer was very important.

“She was actually really pleased about the whole thing.” Rick decided to leave off the part about his mother saying she always wanted the two of them to be together. He didn’t want to scare Michonne off and he, frankly, needed more time to digest the statement himself.

“And when exactly did we start ‘dating’?”

“I told her it happened very recently...like just happened.”

Michonne let out a chuckle. “That’s cute...really cute. Just happened.” Her chuckled turned into a full-bellied laugh.

She continued to laugh while Rick looked at her with worry. This was not the reaction he was expecting. Michonne noticed his expression and laughed even harder.

“I don’t know why I’m laughing right now. I must be delirious or having a fever dream or something because between Sasha and Aaron and now you with this whole thing I feel like I woke up in an alternate universe.”

“What happened with Sasha and Aaron?”

Michonne instantly sobered. “Nope, we are not going down that rabbit hole when we have this bear trap you have us stuck in at the moment. Why didn’t you just tell your mother ‘no’ to going out with Selby? Wouldn’t that have been simpler than making up a relationship?”

“With anyone else, yes. But, trust me, with my mother and my hometown, it was a lot simpler to say we were dating. If I told Mama no, then it would have led to hurt feelings and embarrassment for all involved. I couldn’t do that to them.”

“But you could do it to me?”

“What?! Did I hurt your feelings?”

“No.”

“Oh. Then are you embarrassed at the prospect of being my girlfriend...even a fake one?” Rick asked with hurt in his voice.

“Rick, any woman would be over the moon to be your girlfriend.”

“Just not you?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying.” Michonne sighed in frustration. “Rick, you just can’t go around involving me in something like this without asking me first.”

“Michonne, I’m sorry, but I was put on the spot and I had to think fast.”

“And I was the first person you thought of for your fake girlfriend?”

“Well...yeah.” Rick blushed and shrugged. “Outside of my mama, you’re the best woman I know.”

“Oh.” Michonne smiled and looked away.

Trying to lighten the sudden intense atmosphere surrounding them, Rick asked, “So, who would be at the top of your list for fake boyfriends?”

“Aaron,” Michonne said without hesitation.

“What?!”

“You’d be a strong number two, but Aaron can talk his way out of pretty much any situation. That’s a good trait to have when you’re dealing in subterfuge.”

“First, you should take points off for that aspirin explanation of his from the café. Second, how would Eric feel about you using his fiancé for your schemes?”

“Are you kidding?!” Michonne scoffed. “Eric would want us to somehow tape everything so he could watch it all later.”

The pair laughed as the tension eased. But Rick still had a question.

“Would you really use Aaron as your fake boyfriend?”

“I’m just messing with you, Rick.” Michonne tugged at one of Rick’s curls. “Of course, I would use you, but we’d have to work on some of your tells. Your eyes start going all over the place like your following a fly around the room when you are trying to hide something. And you’d also have to get that accent under control. It’s fine when we are just out and about and it opens doors for us, but when you get nervous, it becomes a liability, Gomer.”

Rick laughed. He didn’t care what names Michonne jokingly called him. He was just secretly pleased that he was her first choice of fake boyfriends.

“So, you seem to be in a better mood. Are you okay with what I told Mama?”

“I’m not okay with lying to your mother,” Michonne shrugged, “but what’s done is done. You’ll get through Thanksgiving without any embarrassing situations and then the next time your mother calls you’ll just say we decided we were better off as friends. No muss, no fuss and I never have to actually lie to Suzanne and Harold.”

“Well...” Rick began. When Michonne pinned him with a stare, his eyes started bouncing around the room.

“Well what? Rick, what else aren’t you telling me.”

“I kind of promised Mama that you would come home with me for Thanksgiving.”

“What?! Why in the world would you do that?”

“Mama and Daddy really want to see you again. They ask me all the time when you are coming to visit and Mama figured this would be the perfect time with us being a new couple and all.”

“Please tell me that you didn’t really agree to that. Why didn’t you tell your mother that I was spending Thanksgiving with my family?”

“I sort of let it slip that your mama and daddy were going on a cruise for Thanksgiving.”

“You lie about us being a couple, but you are suddenly Honest Abe about my holiday plans? Great.” Michonne sighed. “What about Jacqui and Noah? You didn’t tell her I was spending the holiday with them?”

“I tried. But if it’s any consolation, Mama said they are welcome to come stay for the week as well.” 

“No, Rick, that’s no consolation whatsoever. I don’t want to make this more complicated than it already is by dragging in more people. The two of us are more than enough.”

“’The two of us’? So, does that mean you are considering it?”

“Am I considering pretending to be a couple for an entire week in your hometown and under your parents’ roof. Call me crazy, but, yes I am.”

“Wil you do it? For me?”

Ignoring her earlier conversation with Aaron and Sasha, Michonne agreed to help her friend. “Yes, I’ll do it. For you.”

Rick whooped and grabbed Michonne up in a huge hug. “Thank you so much, Michonne! I owe you one!”

“You own me more than one for doing this. But I have been wanting to see your parents again. Maybe it won’t be so bad.” 

Michonne relaxed into Rick’s embrace for a moment before a sudden thought made her pull back.

Rick looked down at her. “What’s wrong? Is your headache worse? Do we need to call Sasha?”

“Um, your mother is too traditional to have us sharing a room, right?”

Rick let out a laugh. “Oh, yeah. Mama would never have us sleeping in the same room if we’re not married. That’s one thing you don’t have to worry about.”

“That’s good.” Michonne nodded. “I can handle this. We can handle this.”

“We sure can. The week is going to be so full of activity that it will go by before you know it. Despite the circumstances, I can’t wait for you to come home with me, Michonne. You are going to fall in love.”

Michonne looked at Rick sharply and then told herself to calm down. He meant fall in love with his hometown, silly. I’m going to throw something at Aaron and Sasha the next time I see them for messing with my head like this.

“Fall in love, huh? We’ll see about that.”

Rick and Michonne used the time before Thanksgiving to coordinate their stories about their relationship so there wouldn’t be any slip ups. Surprisingly (to Rick and Michonne but not to Aaron and Sasha whom they decided let in on the plan), the pair didn’t have to make up too much. Their time spent together gave them a lot of genuine stories about their relationship. They stuck to the actual way they met and just decided to say that they eventually started seeing each other in a different light and their friendship blossomed into love.

Two Weeks Later

The Saturday before Thanksgiving saw Rick and Michonne arrive into Atlanta pretty late in the evening. They’d had a university function to attend earlier and they’d had to take a late evening flight out of DC. By the time, the pair had driven the hour from Atlanta into King County, it was a little after eleven o’clock at night.

Rick was going to use his key to enter his childhood home, but the front door opened as soon as his and Michonne’s feet hit the porch. Suzanne Grimes stood in the doorway wrapped in a robe.

“I was starting to worry about you two. I thought you’d be here earlier. Come on in out of the chill.” 

The screen door creaked as Suzanne pushed it open to let Rick and Michonne into the house. They put their luggage down and Suzanne gathered them both into a hug before closing and locking the doors.

“We would have been here sooner, Mama, but the traffic was pretty crazy driving out of town. I guess other people decided to come in early for Thanksgiving as well.”

“I’m just glad you all got here safely. Michonne, it’s so good to see you again, sweetie.”

“It’s good to see you, too, Suzanne.” Michonne looked around briefly. “You have a beautiful home. Rick didn’t do it justice when he called it his little childhood home.” 

The farmhouse exterior belied the rustic elegance and size of the home’s interior. Despite the modern upgrades, the house still held a country hominess to it that felt warm and welcoming.

“You know Ricky. He’s the king of understatement when it comes to most things. That’s why I probably shouldn’t have been so surprised that you two are dating. He’s the most animated that I ever see him whenever he talks about you and it’s been like that from the beginning. I felt like I already knew you the first time we met.”

Michonne looked at Rick. “You’ve been talking about me that much, Ricky?” she teased, pleased and pleasantly surprised.

“Not really.” Rick’s glanced around the entryway before landing back on Michonne’s. “I have to warn you, Michonne. While I may be the king of understatement, Mama is the queen of exaggeration.”

“I am no such thing! Don’t get all embarrassed now that Michonne is here.”

“Mama, it’s late and Michonne and I are tired. Can we go up to our rooms please?”

It was Suzanne’s turn to avoid eye contact. Now I see where he gets it from, Michonne thought.

“About that. Your daddy and I were actually going to surprise you two and pick you up at the airport this evening but we got some unexpected visitors.”

“Who were they?”

“Your Uncle Lawrence and Aunt Diane...and their five kids.” Suzanne sighed and leaned closer to Rick and Michonne. “I guess they don’t have telephones out in California cause they sure didn’t call to tell me they were coming home or that they were planning to stay here. I don’t mind because they’re family, but a little warning would have been nice. I declare Lawrence lost all his home-training when he moved out west.”

“You can handle it, Mama. And if you need any help, I’m here.”

“I’ll help out, too, Suzanne, with whatever you need.”

“Well...there is one little thing I need you to do and, believe me, I hate to ask and I wouldn’t under other circumstances.”

“What is it, Mama?”

“I need y’all to sleep together.”

“What?!”

“Mama!”

Rick’s mother turned bright red. “Oh, goodness. I didn’t mean it like that. Ricky, you know how I get when I’m stressed...words just start jumbling out.” Suzanne took a calming breath. “I meant that I need y’all to share a room while you’re here. Michonne, I had a nice room for you but with the California Seven showing up unannounced, all the rooms are taken...except for Rick’s and his brother, Jeffrey’s, rooms of course.” Suzanne shook her head. “My mama is probably somewhere spinning over and clutching her pearls at this very moment because I’m having my unmarried son and his girlfriend share a room.”

Michonne looked confused. “I thought this grandmother was still alive?” she asked Rick.

“Oh, she is,” Suzanne responded for him. “She can just feel this type of stuff in her spirit. I just know I’m going to get a disappointed phone call tomorrow morning.”

Michonne cleared her throat to stifle a laugh. “Suzanne, it’s fine. No one else will know...besides your mother I guess.”

“Yeah, there’s nothing much that can be done to help it. Ricky, get the bags and let’s get y’all settled in upstairs. With this late night, I know y’all are ready to get some sleep.”

Rick grabbed the suitcases, and despite Suzanne’s protest, Michonne got their carry-ons so Rick wouldn’t have to make another trip downstairs tonight.

While leading the way upstairs, Suzanne said, “I know y’all will probably sleep in tomorrow while Harold and I are at church. Just make sure you are ready in time for the dance.”

“Dance?” Michonne asked.

“That’s why I asked you to bring some dressy clothes,” Rick answered. “It’s sort of a welcome back, holiday opening type thing we have every year.”

Once upstairs, Suzanne walked down a hallway right off the main and stopped in front of a set of double doors.

“Okay, we’re here. Michonne, that’s Jeffy’s room across the hallway. He should be arriving tomorrow afternoon sometime.” Suzanne opened the door and let the couple walk in past her. “It’s all freshened up. Ricky, you know where everything is. Michonne, I’m at the other end of the main hallway if you need anything and Rick isn’t around.” Suzanne let out a sigh. “Okay, I guess this is it.”

Rick laughed at his mother’s dramatics and walked her back into the hallway. “Mama, Michonne and I are sharing a bed, not getting ready to go on a crime spree.”

“I know. And it’s not that I really care what folks say about me...except for Mama of course. I just don’t want anyone finding out and thinking bad about you and Michonne...you know, thinking she’s fast.” In true Southern fashion, Suzanne whispered the word “fast.”

“They won’t think that, Mama. Anyone who meets Michonne falls in love with her.”

Suzanne smiled at her son. “Well, you would know, huh?”

“Uh, yes, ma’am, I would.” Rick remembered Michonne’s advice about his tells and forced his eyes to stay focused on his mother.  

“I’m really happy for the two of you, Ricky. And while I understand that the two of you are a new couple in love and you have this side of the house pretty much to yourselves, please promise you’ll keep the sheets clean.”

“Mama!”

“Oh goodness!” Suzanne clapped a hand against her chest. “I’m sorry. It’s the stress acting up again. But, also, it’s practicality speaking. I gave our housekeeper the week off and I just don’t have time to change everybody’s sheets. Harold said your Uncle Lawrence used to be a bedwetter. I hope he didn’t pass that on to any of the California Five cause that youngest was drinking like a goldfish at dinner.”

“Okay, Mama. I get it. You go on and have a good night.” Rick rushed his mother down the hallway before she could say anything else embarrassing to him or about Uncle Lawrence.

Rick returned to his room and found Michonne pacing in front of his bed. “What’s the matter with you?” he asked as he closed the door.

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s all just hitting me that I have to lie to your parents and your apparently humungous family for an entire week. Not only that, but now we have to share a bed. This is spinning out of control.”

Rick stepped into the path of Michonne’s pacing and rubbed his hands up and down her arms. “Hey, you’ve been doing great thus far. I know this is a lot to ask of you and I’m so grateful that you agreed to do it. But it’s like you said before, we can handle this. You know I would never put you in a situation where you could get hurt or embarrassed, right?

Michonne looked up at Rick with a sigh. “I know. I’m just having some last- minute jitters. But you’re right, we can do this.”

“We can and we are. Besides, it’s not as if we haven’t shared a bed before.”

Michonne smiled at the sudden memory. “Oh, you mean—”

“Yep, that huge winter storm that came through about two years ago. Our power went out and you came over to my apartment because I actually have a real wood burning fireplace...unlike some people.”

“Hey! Gas logs are cleaner.”

“And useless without power,” Rick countered. “But we made it work. You stayed over and we huddled under the blankets Grandma Bess knitted for me. And I discovered that you snore.”

“Rick, I still say you’re lying. I do not snore,” Michonne protested.

“You do. It’s a cute little snore, but it’s a snore nonetheless.”

“Video or it didn’t happen.”

“Michonne, I’m not taping you while you sleep. That’s creepy. You’ll have to take my word for it.”

“Umm, let me think about that. Nope.” Michonne smiled up at Rick.

“You feeling better?” he asked. At her nod, Rick let her go.

“Yeah. Thanks for calming me down.”

“That’s what we do, right? We’re there when we need each other most.”

“Yeah, that’s what we do.”

Rick shook his head. “I don’t know what I did before I met you.”

“You probably just went around talking like Jed Clampett and freaking people out with your wandering crazy eyes.”

Rick laughed and pulled Michonne to him. “Oh, that’s what you imagine, huh?”

“Yep. Just being honest.”

“Well, since we are being brutally honest at the moment, let me share this little tidbit I’ve been holding back. Not only do you snore, you also drool in your sleep.”

“Rick!”

Rick pulled back and went over to his suitcase still laughing. “You still sleep on the left side of the bed?”

His answer was a pillow to the back of the head.

Sunday Morning

Rick awoke to a weight on his chest and soft snoring in his ear. He looked down and smiled to see Michonne sleeping with her head on his chest and her arms wrapped around him. Rick was messing with Michonne when he told her she drooled in her sleep. He figured telling her instead that she was an extreme cuddler would have been too much for her to handle.

The first time they shared a bed during the storm and he woke up to Michonne in his arms, Rick thought the cold had driven her to seek out his warmth. But when they fell asleep on her couch while watching movies one summer night and she did the same thing, Rick realized Michonne just liked being close to someone as she slept. She was so put together and on top of things during her waking hours, that it was nice for Rick to see her so unguarded and completely at ease. That’s something she seemed to reserve for only him and her family.

By now, Rick was an expert at maneuvering out of Michonne’s embrace without waking her. He carefully slid out of bed and went to freshen up. When he found her still asleep after he came out of the bathroom, Rick decided to let her sleep and checked in with his parents before they left for church.

When Michonne woke up an hour later, she found herself in bed alone. After checking her messages and getting in touch with Aaron, Sasha, and her family, Michonne decided to get dressed. She’d just moved to get out of bed, when the bedroom door opened and Rick walked in carrying a tray laden with food and drinks.

Rick kicked the door closed behind him. “I’m glad you are still in bed. I was trying to get this done before you woke up. You wouldn’t believe the number of people roaming around this house. I thought I was gonna have to draw on the California Seven to get our tray out of the kitchen unscathed. They act like Mama didn’t leave food in the oven for them.”

Michonne sat back and took the tray from Rick. It looked and smelled delicious.

“You made me breakfast in bed?”

“Yeah. It’s just a little thank you for doing this and being here with me this week.”

“Well, if it gets you to make me food like this, I’ll offer up my subterfuge services more often.”

“Hey,” Rick protested as he stretched out beside Michonne. “I cook for you all the time.”

“Yeah, but it’s mainly dinner and lunch. You’ve never made breakfast for me. Whenever we do weekend movie nights, we always go out to have breakfast the next morning.” Michonne placed the tray between them. “Now Aaron and Sasha can stop bragging about that famous French toast you made for them and Eric and Zeke last year.” Michonne took a big bite of the sweet treat and moaned. “But I see why they brag. This is delicious!”

“Well, you could have had some if you’d decided to join us all that weekend. Instead I was the fifth wheel and you were with him.”

Michonne rolled her eyes. “Don’t remind me about him.” Him was Michonne’s ex-boyfriend, Mike. They’d dated for about six months last year.

“I told you you’d have more fun hanging out with me and our friends than going to some artists’ retreat. And I was right.” There was no love lost between Rick and Mike. They’d never gotten along.

“I was trying with Mike. He was already upset that I spent more time with our friends...and you...than I did with him.”

“Well, you spent an entire weekend with him and you broke up right after.”

“Then I guess it’s a good thing that I went. It finally opened my eyes to the fact that Mike and I weren’t a good fit.”

Rick grimaced. “I certainly hope you mean that metaphorically.”

“Shut up,” Michonne chuckled. “But, yes, that’s what I meant. I know you kept telling me he wasn’t the one but I thought you were just...”

“You thought I was just what?”

Michonne shook her head, embarrassed. “It’s silly.”

“No, tell me.”

“Okay. I thought you were jealous of Mike.” Michonne took another bite of French toast and waited for Rick’s reaction.

Rick shrugged. “I was.”

Michonne quickly swallowed her food. “What? I thought I was just imagining things.”

“I didn’t like Mike and he didn’t like me for the same reason. We each felt like the other was taking you away from us. And I can admit that was selfish on my part because he was your boyfriend. But there was just something about him.”

“Was it the same ‘something’ you didn’t like about D?”

“Okay, first of all, what person goes by just a letter for their first name? There is no way his parents named him just D.”

“His name was Desoto.”

Rick made a face. “I see why he went by D. Anyway, Desoto was an ass.”

“He wasn’t an ass. He was just really intense and sensitive about his art.”

“Maybe that’s your problem. You need to leave artists alone.” Rick was quiet for a moment. “Have you ever been jealous of anyone I’ve dated?”

“No.”

Rick squinted. “Seriously?”

“Seriously. I was never jealous because I knew they were going to be gone soon.”

“What about Elise? You barely spoke two words to her whenever she was around.”

Michonne’s face tightened. “I wasn’t jealous of Elise. I just didn’t like her. She was pretentious and thought she was smarter than she actually was. That’s not the type of woman for you.”

“Well, who is the type of woman for me?”

“I don’t know.” Michonne shrugged. “You’re sweet, kind, intelligent. I think your girlfriend should be the same. Your family and friends are obviously extremely important to you, so she needs to get along with both. You are very driven and sometimes have an intense focus on your work. Some people may not understand that if they aren’t from our world of academia. But even if you come from totally different work and life backgrounds, she shouldn’t try to change who you are to suit her. I think you should complement each other from the beginning, but also grow together as individuals and a couple.”

Rick pressed a soft kiss to Michonne’s forehead. “You have some amazing thoughts in that beautiful head of yours.”

“Thank you.” Feeling slightly uncomfortable with all she’d just said and the feelings Rick’s gesture elicited, Michonne focused on cutting another slice of bread.  “I’ll try to remember what I said so you can put it all in your next online dating profile.”  

Rick chuckled. “You just don’t know how to have a tender moment do you?”

Michonne held a piece of French toast to Rick’s lips. “Be quiet and eat before our food gets cold.”

Rick let Michonne feed him the bite of toast and leaned back against his pillows while he chewed. “I know I made it, but damn this is good.”

“I know, right?” Michonne leaned back and looked over at Rick. “What’s on our agenda for the day?”

“After breakfast, I figured we can get dressed and I’ll show you around the farm. Then we’ll have lunch, maybe take a nap, and then get ready for the dance tonight. You’ll meet all of my childhood friends there.”

The prospect made the normally confident Michonne feel nervous. “Should I be worried?” She wanted to make a good impression on Rick’s friends.

“No. I would say you’d have to worry about Shane hitting on you, but he’d never try to make a play for his best friend’s girlfriend.”

“Hey! I thought I was your best friend.”

“You’re more than my best friend.”

“What am I?”

Rick shrugged. “Sometimes I think you’re my better half.”

Rick said those words without glancing away once so Michonne knew it was the absolute truth. While Rick finished the rest of their meal, Michonne didn’t have room for much beyond the sudden butterflies in her stomach.

Sunday Evening

After a day spent seeing Rick in his element on the farm, complete with seeing him in a denim button down, worn jeans, and even more worn cowboy boots, Michonne was putting the finishing touches on her outfit for tonight’s dance.

Rick, who had gotten ready in Jeffrey’s room, was waiting on Michonne downstairs. When she made her appearance at the top of the stairs, all conversation ceased.

For a moment, Michonne wondered if she’d worn the wrong thing for the dance. She’d scaled back her original outfit, figuring that Rick’s hometown definition of dressy might be different from DC’s. She’d opted for a simple deep plum long-sleeved shift dress. The dressed flowed softly just above the knees. Michonne paired it with gold jewelry, tights, and four-inch stiletto leather booties.

Before Michonne was halfway down the stairs, Rick ran up to walk her the rest of the way down.

“You look amazing.”

“Thank you,” Michonne said in relief. “The way everyone was staring, I thought I needed to go back and change.”

“No, you are going to be the best dressed woman there. Hell, you are going to be the best dressed person period.”

“It’s not too much?”

“Not at all. It’s just right.” Rick gave Michonne another onceover. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah. Are we going with your parents or...?”

“They went on ahead to help set up. Jeffy was supposed to be here by now and ride with us, but I guess he’s going to be late.”

“Think again, brother. The fun has just arrived.”

Rick and Michonne turned to see a young man coming from the back of the house.

“Jeffy, why didn’t you come in through the front?”

“What would be the surprise in that, big brother?” Jeffy held out his arms to Rick. “You miss me?”

“Like I miss having chicken pox,” Rick said as he gave his brother a big hug.

Jeffy finally noticed Michonne when he pulled back. “Well, hello. My name is Jeffrey C. Grimes, but my friends and family call me Jeffy. I definitely know we haven’t had the pleasure of meeting. And you are?”

“Michonne Richardson.”

“Michonne. A beautiful name to match a beautiful face.”

It took all Michonne had to keep from rolling her eyes.

“Oh, wait.” Jeffy snapped his fingers. “You’re Rick’s friend from DC. If I’d known Rick had a friend this beautiful in DC, I would have visited him a long time ago. Tell me, Michonne, are you single or...?”

“Or,” Michonne answered simply.

Rick didn’t know whether to be amused or upset that his brother was trying, and failing miserably, to hit on Michonne in front of him. “Jeffy, Michonne is my girlfriend.”

Jeffy burst out laughing. “Huh? Your girlfriend? Good one, Rick.”

“I don’t understand the laughter. I am Rick’s girlfriend, Jeffrey.”

Still laughing, Jeffy turned to Michonne. “First, you can call me Jeffy. Second, I get what’s going on here. Rick wanted to come back and show Lori that he was doing fine without her. And, trust me, having you on his arm would definitely prove that, but there is no way my bookish brother could...” Jeffy broke out into more laughter. “How much is he paying you to go along with this scheme?”

Michonne could feel Rick tense up beside her, but she spoke up before he had a chance to do so. “First, we aren’t friends so I won’t be calling you Jeffy. Second, are you implying that I’m a commodity to be bought and sold?” she asked icily.

“What? No, I just meant that Rick...”

“It appears what meant is that the only way Rick can get a date is by paying for one. So, by implication, that would mean that you think I’m your brother’s paid escort for the week. Is that what you meant, Jeffrey?”

“Of course not! You don’t even look like that.”

“What do I look like, Jeffrey?”

Suddenly flushed and extremely embarrassed, Jeffy decided to quit while he was behind. “I was trying to make a bad joke at my brother’s expense and I apologize for implying anything untoward about you. It was incredibly rude and thoughtless on my part.”

“It was. Don’t try it with me or Rick again.” Michonne turned to Rick. “Are you ready to go?”

“I sure am.” Rick said with a huge smile. He grabbed Michonne’s wrap from her hand and placed it around her shoulders. They walked to the door hand-in-hand.

“Wait,” Jeffy called out. “I thought I was riding into town with y’all?”  

“I don’t know, Jeffy. It might be better if you walk. I think that foot of yours is going to need some exercise once you pry it out of your mouth,” Uncle Lawrence suggest with a cackle.

“Nice to see you again, too, Uncle Lawrence,” Jeffy greeted dryly.

Rick looked down at Michonne. “Are you okay with Jeffy riding with us?” If she said the word, Jeffy would have to find his own way.

“I’m fine with it, Rick. I think Jeffrey is done with comedy hour.” She raised a brow at Rick’s brother. “Right?”

“Right. And thank you. Just let me run up and put my luggage in my room and change my jacket and I’ll be right back down.”

“We’ll be out in the car,” Rick yelled as Jeffy raced up the stairs.

Rick turned to Michonne once they were seated in the car. “Are you really okay with him riding with us?”

“Yeah. I wasn’t really offended. I knew it wasn’t about me. He was trying to throw off on you and that pissed me off so I had to put him in his place. Plus, I was afraid you were about to spill the beans.”

“I wasn’t going to do that, but I was going to tell him off for speaking about you like that. You just beat me to the verbal punch.”

“Well, I hope you were going to tell him off for how he was talking about you as well. But, it’s all yours the next time he gets out of pocket.”

“With the way you handled him, I don’t think there will be a next time.” Rick laughed before sobering and looking at Michonne. “Thank you for defending me. I’m glad you are in my corner.

“That’s what we do, right?”

“Yep,” Rick said softly. “That’s what we do.”

The pair’s moment was broken when Jeffy got into the backseat.

“Hey, are we going or are y’all gonna make out right in front of me?”

“Jeffy—” Rick warned while Michonne merely caught Jeffy’s eyes in the rear-view mirror.

Jeffy blanched and swallowed. “I mean, are y’all ready to go or do you need more time alone? Cause I can come back.”

“We’re good, Jeffy. Put on your seatbelt and we’ll get going.”

“Okay, no problem.” Jeffy quickly complied.

Rick smirked at Michonne before starting up the car and heading into town.

“This is like something out of Mayberry...except with more Black people,” Michonne quipped as she walked into the dance.

The dance was being held in the banquet room of the town hall. There were balloons and streamers in muted oranges, yellows, and reds. Fake trees full of fall leaves and twinkle lights sat in the corners of the room. A huge cornucopia was on the center of the table holding the food and punch. Mini pumpkins were the centerpieces of the various tables around the edges of the dancefloor. There was even a place to take photos.

“I know it’s not what you’re used to back in DC but...”

“No, Rick, I love it! I feel like I stepped into the middle of a Hallmark holiday movie. And we are definitely getting our picture taken under that arch over there.”

“You really like it?” The happiness was evident in Rick’s voice.

“Yes. Did you think I wouldn’t?”

“You’ve never wanted to come home with me before, so I was afraid you just didn’t like small towns.”

“It’s not that I didn’t want to come home with you. I guess it would have felt odd just coming as your friend. I don’t know why.”

“Good thing you’re his girlfriend, right?” Jeffy offered. It was the first time he’d spoken since the ride over from the farm.

“Yeah, good thing I am.”

“Hey, Rick! Get your crooked leg ass over here! Feels like I ain’t seen you in ages, man!”

“Let me guess. That’s Shane,” Michonne said.

“Yep,” Rick confirmed. “Let’s go over there before he starts yelling again.”

“I’m going to get some punch.” Jeffy moved off towards the refreshments.

“Jeffy knows better than to go against Shane and he tries to avoid him at all cost.”

Michonne nodded in approval. “I’m liking Shane already. Let’s go.”

Rick walked Michonne over to a group of five.

“Hey, y’all,” he greeted.

Michonne stood back as Rick exchanged hugs with everyone. Rick reached back for her hand and gently pulled her into the group.

“Michonne these are some of my oldest and best friends...Shane, Glenn, Maggie, Teddy, and Andrea. Everyone, I’d like you to meet someone very special to me. This is my girlfriend, Michonne.”

Shane let out a low whistle. “Well, hot damn! You done good, Rick. Real good. It is a pleasure to finally meet you, Miss Michonne. I’ve heard nothing but good things about you from Rick and his mama and daddy.”

“It”s a pleasure to meet you as well, Shane. I’ve heard a lot about you. I’ve heard a lot about all of you actually. Rick likes to tell stories from your childhood.”

“Is that so? Did you tell Michonne about the time we all went skinny dippin’ and your di—”

“NO!” Rick interrupted Shane. “I haven’t shared that one with Michonne, Shane. But thank you for bringing it up.”

“You want me to go ahead and finish it for you?”

“No, I’m good. But thank you for asking.”

“Anytime, brother, anytime.”

“Don’t mind Shane. His breath is worse than his bite.”

Shane cut his eyes to a blonde woman. “It’s bark, Andrea.”

“Oh, it sure is. My bad. Freudian slip I guess.” Andrea smiled sweetly as Shane checked his breath in his hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Michonne. It’s nice to add another woman to the mix. As a sign of solidarity, I promise to give you all the dirt you want on Rick,” Andrea offered. “By the way, I love your dress.”

“Thank you. I really wasn’t sure what to wear.”

“Don’t worry, you nailed it,” Maggie complimented. “And those booties are killer.”

“Thank you, Maggie. And killer is the right word because my feet are screaming bloody murder right now. I didn’t we’d have to walk so far to get here. Parking was crazy outside.”

“I’m not surprised,” Teddy said. “This is one of the biggest events of the year. Everybody comes to it and comes back for it.”

“How about we get a table so everybody can get off their feet?” Glenn suggested.

The group had just settled down when Michonne felt eyes on her. She looked around and saw a dark-haired woman quickly avert her eyes.

That must be Selby. Hopefully she gets the message and leaves Rick be.

“Hey, Rick...everyone.”

Michonne felt Rick gently nudge her thigh under the table before he answered. “Uh, hey, Selby. I heard you were back in town. How are you?”

Michonne turned away from the brunette and looked at the redhead standing by Rick at the table. Wait, if this is Selby, then who is that woman who was staring at me? Michonne tried to discretely look at the woman again. This time she was staring straight at Rick with a wistful expression on her face.

Andrea looked in the same direction as Michonne and rolled her eyes. “In case you’re wondering, the woman currently staring a hole into Rick is Lori, his high school sweetheart. She must be kicking herself that she let him get away. It’s her own fault though. If she tries anything, let me know. I already like you better than I ever did her.”

Michonne smiled her thanks and threw one last glance in Lori’s direction. So that’s who Jeffrey was talking about earlier. Well, it looks like Selby isn’t the only one with her heart set on Rick.

The mention of her name brought Michonne’s attention back to why she was here in the first place.

“Selby, I’d like you to meet Michonne...my girlfriend.”

“Oh.” Selby suddenly looked like she bit into a lemon. “My mother said you’d met someone in DC, Rick. I didn’t think we’d have the, um...pleasure of meeting her so soon. It’s nice to meet you, Michonne.”

Shane looked at Teddy. “I got to give it to her. That was a damn good try. If her face wasn’t so red and pinched up, I might have halfway believed her.”

Teddy hushed Shane and looked off to keep from laughing.

A/N: Don’t worry. I don’t do love triangles.

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday-Thanksgiving Friday/Epilogue

[setsujo-moving]

Shrek Script

{Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. {Laughing} Like that's ever gonna happen. {Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes} What a load of - Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead The years start comin' and they don't stop comin' Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin' Didn't make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb So much to do so much to see So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets You'll never know if you don't go You'll never shine if you don't glow Hey, now You're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold It's a cool place and they say it gets colder You're bundled up now but wait till you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin The water's getting warm so you might as well swim My world's on fire How 'bout yours That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored Hey, now, you're an all-star {Shouting} Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold {Belches} Go! Go! {Record Scratching} Go. Go.Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star Get your game on, go play Hey, now You're a rock star Get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shootin' stars break the mold -Think it's in there? -All right. Let's get it! -Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you? -Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread. {Laughs} -Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint. Now, ogres - - They're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin. -No! -They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast. -Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! {Gasping} -Right. {Roaring} {Shouting} {Roaring} {Whispers} This is the part where you run away. {Gasping} {Laughs} {Laughing} And stay out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." {Sighs} {Man's voice} All right. This one's full. -Take it away! {Gasps} -Move it along. Come on! Get up! -Next! -Give me that! Your fiying days are over. That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next! -Get up! Come on! -Twenty pieces. {Thudding} -Sit down there! -Keep quiet! {Crying} -This cage is too small. -Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance! -Oh, shut up. -Oh! -Next! -What have you got? -This little wooden puppet. -I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. -Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away. -Father, please! Don't let them do this! -Help me! -Next! What have you got? -Well, I've got a talking donkey. {Grunts} -Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it. -Oh, go ahead, little fella. -Well? -Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - - -That's it. I've heard enough. Guards! -No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw. -Get her out of my sight. -No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk! {Gasps} -Hey! I can fly! -He can fly! -He can fly! -He can talk! -Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Oh-oh. {Grunts} -Seize him! -After him! He's getting away! {Grunts, Gasps} {Man} -Get him! This way! Turn! -You there. Orge! -Aye? -By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under arrest and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility. -Oh, really? You and what army? {Gasps, Whimpering} {Chuckles} -Can I say something to you? -Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. Incredible! Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa! -Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great back here? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that. -Oh, that's great. Really. -Man, it's good to be free. -Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm? -But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us. {Roaring} -Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks! You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - - {Mumbling} Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day. -Why are you following me? -I'll tell you why. 'Cause I'm all alone There's no one here beside me My promlems have all gone There's no one to deride me But you gotta heve friends - - -Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends. -Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest. -Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I? -Uh - - Really tall? -No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you? -Nope. -Really? -Really, really. -Oh. -Man, I like you. What's you name? -Uh, Shrek. -Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in place like that? -That would be my home. -Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. -I guess you don't entertain much, do you? -I like my privacy. -You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. -Can I stay with you? -Uh, what? -Can I stay with you, please? -Of course! -Really? -No. -Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please! -Okay! Okay! But one night only. -Ah! Thank you! -What are you - - No! No! -This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles. -Oh! -Where do, uh, I sleep? -Outside! -Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know. {Sniffles} -Here I go. -Good night. {Sighs} -I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, outside. I'm all alone There's no one here beside me {Bubbling} {Sighs} {Creaking} {Sighs} -I thought I told you to stay outside. -I'm outside. {Clattering} -Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have? -It's not home, but it'll do just fune. -What a lovely bed. -Got ya. {Sniffs} I found some cheese. -Ow! {Grunts} -Blah! Awful stuff. -Is that you, Gorder? -How did you know? -Enough! What are you doing in my house? {Grunts} -Hey! {Snickers} -Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table. -Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken. -Huh? {Gusps} {Male voice} What? -I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I have to do get a little privacy? -Aah! -Oh, no. No! No! {Cackling} -What? -Quit it. -Don't push. {Squeaking} {Lows} - What are you doing in my swamp? {Echoing} Swamp! Swamp! Swamp! {Gasping} -Oh, dear! -Whoa! -All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey! -Quickly. Come on! -No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there. -Oh! {Sighs} -Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them. -Oh, gosh, no one invited us. -What? -We were forced to come here. -By who? -Lord Farquaad. -He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice. {Sighs} -All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is? {Murmuring} -Oh, I do. I know where he is. -Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all? -Me! Me! -Anyone? -Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me! {Sighs} -Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came from! {Cheering} {Twittering} -Oh! You! You're comin' with me. - All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! -On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek. -Hey. Oh, oh! -I can't wait to get on the road again. -What did I say about singing? -Can I whistle? -No. -Can I hum it? -All right, hum it. {Humming} {Grunts} {Whimpering} -That's enough. He's ready to talk. {Coughing} {Laughing} {Clears throat} -Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man! -You are a monster. -I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the others? -Eat me!{Grunts} -I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me or I'll - - -No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons. -All right then. Who's hiding them? -Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man? -The muffin man? -The muffin man. -Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane? -Well, she's married to the muffin man. -The muffin man? -The muffin man! -She's married to the muffin man. {Door opens} -My lord! We found it. -Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in. {Man grunting} {Gasping} -Oh! -Magic mirror - - -Don't tell him anything! -No! {Ginerbread man whispers} -Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of them all? -Well, technically you're not a king. -Uh, Thelonius. -You were saying? -What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All you have to do is marry a princess. -Go on. {Chuckles} -So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. -Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! -And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! -So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three? -Two! Two! -Three! Three! -Two! Two! -Three! -Three? One? {Shudders} Three? --Three! Pick number three, my lord! -Okay, okay, uh, number three! -Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona. If you like pina coladas And getting caught in the rain -Princess Fiona. If you're not into yoga -She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - - -But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night. -I'll do it. -Yes, but after sunset - - -Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament. -But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it. -So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle. -Uh-huh. That's the place. -Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? {Laughs} {Groans} -Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek. -Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry. -Hey, you! {Screams} -Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - - {Whimpering} {Sighs} {Whimpering, Groans} {Turnstile clatters} {Chuckles} {Sighs} -It's quiet. Too quiet. {Creaking} -Where is everybody? -Hey, look at this! {Clattering, whirring, clicking} Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town Here we have some rules Let us lay them down Don't make waves, stay in line And we'll get along fine DuLoc is perfect place Please keep off of the grass Shine your shoes, wipe your... face DuLoc is, DuLoc is DuLoc is perfect ...... place {Camera shutter clicks {Whirring} -Wow! Let's do that again! -No. No. No, no, no! No. {Trumpet fanfare} {Crowd cheering} -Brave knights. -You are the best and brightest in all the land. -Today one of you shall prove himself - - -All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom. -Sorry about that. {Cheering} -That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make. {Cheering} -Let the tournament begin! {Gasps} -Oh! -What is that? {Gasping} -It's hideous! -Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey. -Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named champion! Have it him! -Get him! -Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. -Go ahead! Get him! -Can't we just settle this over a pint? -Kill the beast! -No? All right then. Come on! I don't give a damn about my reputation You're living in the past It's a new generation -Damn! {Whinnying} A girl can do what she wants to do And that's what I'm gonna do And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me -Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Never said I wanted to improve my station -Ah! {Laughs} And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun -Yeah! And I don't have to please no one -The chair! Give him the chair! And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me Me, me, me Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me {Bell dings} {Cheering} {Laughs} -Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha! {Shrek laughs} {Crowd gasping, murmuring} -Shall I give the order, sir? -No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion! -What? -Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest. -Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back. -Your swamp? -Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures! {Crowd murmuring} -Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back. -Exactly the way it was? -Down to the last slime-covered toadstool. -And the squatters? -As good as gone. -What kind of quest? -Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. -Is that about right? -Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk. -I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make your bread, the whole orge trip. -Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? -Uh, no, not really, no. -For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think. -Example? -Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions. -{Sniffs} They stink? -Yes - - No! -They make you cry? -No! -You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs. -No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. {Sighs} -Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers. -I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes. -You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious. -No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later. -Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. -You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobbering. I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh I'm on my way from misery to happiness today Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh And everything that you receive up yonder Is what you give to me the day I wander I'm on my way I'm on my way I'm on my way -Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that? -You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's brimstone We must be getting close. -Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone neither. {Rumbling} -Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. {Laughing} -Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers? -Oh, aye. -Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves. -Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves. -You know what I mean. -You can't tell me you're afraid of heights. -I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over a boiling like of lava! -Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time. -Really? -Really, really. -Okay, that makes me feel so much better. -Just keep moving. And don't look down. -Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. {Gasps} -Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, please! -But you're already halfway. -But I know that half is safe! -Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back. -Shrek, no! Wait! -Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me? -Don't do that! -Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? -Oh, this? -Yes, that! -Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. {Screams} -No, Shrek! No! Stop it! -You said do it! I'm doin' it. -I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh! -That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. -Cool. -So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway? -Inside, waiting for us to rescue her. {Chuckles} -I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. {Water dripping, wind howling} -You afraid? -No. -But - - - Shh. -Oh, good. Me neither. {Gasps} -'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. {Gasps} -Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs. -Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess. -The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower. -What makes you think she'll be there? -I read it in a book once. -Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'. {Creacing} -I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here. I'd step all over it. -Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - - -Dragon! {Screams} {Gasps} {Roars} -Donkey, look out! {Screams} {Whimpering} -Got ya! {Roars} {Gasps} {Shouts} -Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! {Screaming} {Gasps} -Oh! Aah! Aah! {Gasping} {Crowls} -No. Oh, no, No! {Screams} -Oh, what large teeth you have. {Crowls} -I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - - (Coughs) -I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings. Shrek! {Gasps} {Whimpering} -No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! {Groans, Sighs} {Vocalizing} -Oh! Oh! -Wake up! -What? -Are you Princess Fiona? -I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me. -Oh, that's nice. Now let's go! -But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment? -Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time. -Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed. -You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? -Mm-hmm. {Screams, grunts} -But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something! -I don't think so. -Can I at least know the name of my champion? -Um, Shrek. -Sir Shrek. {Cleans throat} -I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude. -Thanks! {Roaring} -You didn't slay the dragon? -It's on my to-do list. Now come on! {Screams} -But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying. That's what all the other knights did. -Yeah, right before they burst into flame. -That's not the point. Oh! -Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there. -Well, I have to save my ass. -What kind of knight are you? -One of a kind. -Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned. {Laughs} -I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh! {Growls} {Roaring} {Gasps} -Hi, Princess! -It talks! -Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. {Screams} {Screaming} -Oh! {Thuds} {Groans} {Roars} {Roaring} -Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. {Fchoing} -Run! {Gasping} {Screaming} {Roaring} {Screams} {Roars} {Panting, sighs} {Whimpers} {Roars} -You did it! -You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful. You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. {Clears throat} -And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed? -I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a steed. -The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight. -Uh, no. -Why not? -I have helmet hair. -Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer. -No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st. -But how will you kiss me? -What? That wasn't in the job description. -Maybe it's a perk. -No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss. -Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you true love? -Well, yes. {Laughing} -You think Shrek is your true love! -What is so funny? -Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay? -Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your helmet. -Look. I really don't think this is a good idea. -Just take off the helmet. -I'm not going to. -Take ot off. -No! -Now! -Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness. -You- - You're a- - an orge. -Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming. -Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an orge. {Sighs} -Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who wants to marry you. -Then why didn't he come rescue me? -Good question. You should ask him that when we get there. -But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- - his pet. -So much for noble steed. -You're not making my job any easier. -I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here. -Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy. -You wouldn't dare. Put me down! -Ya comin', Donkey? -I'm right behind ya. -Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! -Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten? -You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what happens when you find your - - Hey! {Sighs} -The sooner we get to DuLoc the better. -You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful! -And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like? -Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in short supply. {Laughs} -I don't know. There are those who think little of him. -Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad. -Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow. -Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp? -No, that'll take longer. We can keep going. -But there's robbers in the woods. -Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good. -Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest. -I need to find somewhere to camp now! {Birds wings fluttering} {Grunting} -Hey! Over here. -Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess. -No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches. -Homey touches? Like what? {Crashing} -A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night. -You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will. -I said good night! -Shrek, What are you doing? {Laughs} -I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding. {Fire cracking} -And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over three wheat fields. Right. Yeah. -Hey, can you tell my future from these stars? -The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for. -I know you're making this up. -No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench. -That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots. -You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it. {Sighs} -Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway? -Our swamp? -You know, when we're through rescuing the princess. -We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my land. -You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out. -No, do ya think? -Are you hidin' something? -Never mind, Donkey. -Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it? -No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things. -Why don't you want to talk about it? -Why do you want to talk about it? -Why are you blocking? -I'm not blocking. -Oh, yes, you are. -Donkey, I'm warning you. -Who you trying to keep out? -Everyone! Okay? -Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere. -Oh! For the love of Pete! -What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway? -Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go. "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone. -You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly orge. -Yeah, I know. -So, uh, are there any donkeys up there? -Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying. -Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there? -That's the moon. -Oh, okay. {Orchestra} {Dulcimer} -Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess. -Hmph. -Ah. Perfect. {Inhales} {Snoring} {Vocalizing} {Whistling} {Sizzling} {Sniffs, yawns} -Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that. --Come on, baby. I said I like it. -Donkey, wake up. -Huh? What? -Wake up. -What? -Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs? -Good morning, Princess! -What's all this about? -You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me. -Uh, thanks. {Sniffs} -Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us. {Belches} -Shrek! -What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs} -Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess. {Belches} -Thanks. -She's as nasty as you are. -{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected. -Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. {Vocalizing} -La liberte! Hey! -Princess! {Laughs} -What are you doing? -Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from this green - - {Kissing sounds} -beast. -Hey! -That's my princess! Go find you own! -Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here? -Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are! -Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry Men. {Laughs} {Accordion} Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo. I steal from the rich and give to the needy. He takes a wee percentage, But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels Man, I'm good What a guy, Monsieur Hood Break it down I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid What he's basically saying is he likes to get - - Paid So When an orge in the bush grabs a lady by the tush That's bad That's bad When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad He's mad He's really, really mad I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart Keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start {Grunts, Groans} {Karate Yell} {Merry Men Gasping} {Panting} -Man, that was annoying! -Oh, you little- - {Karate Yell} {Accordion} {Shouting, groaning} {Chuckles} -Uh, shall we? -Hold the phone. {Grunts} Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from? -What? -That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that? -Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt! -What? Oh, would you look at that? -Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. -Why? What's wrong? -Shrek's hurt. -Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die. -Donkey, I'm okay. -You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich? -Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns. -Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light! -{Both} Donkey! -Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns. -What are the flowers for? -For getting rid of Donkey. -Ah. -Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out. -Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'. -I'm sorry, but it has to come out. -No, it's tender. -Now, hold on. -What you're doing is the opposite of help. -Don't move. -Look, time out. -Would you - - {Grunts} -Okay. What do you propose we do? -Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns. -Ow! -Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! -Ow! Not good. -Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. {Grunts} -It's just about - - -Ow! Ohh! -Ahem. -Nothing happend. We were just, uh - - -Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay? -Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just- - Ugh! -Ow! -Hey, what's that? {Nervous chickle} -That's- - Is that blood? {Sighs} {Bird chirping} {Grunts} My beloved monster and me We go everywhere together Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves Gets us through all kinds of weather -Aah! She will always be the only thing That comes between me and the awful sting That comes from living in a world that's so damn mean {Croaks} Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh -Hey! La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la {Both laughing} La-la, la-la, la-la -There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you. -That's DuLoc? -Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really - - Ow! -Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on. -Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey. {Blubbering} -What? -I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. -What are you talking about? I'm fine. -That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. Dead. -You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down? -Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea. -I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look, {Bones crunch} -Ow! See? -Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner. -I'll get the firewood. -Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug. -Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this? -Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style. -No kidding. Well, this is delicious. -Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. {Chuckling} {Sighs} -I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night. {Gulps} -Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it. {Chuckles} -I'd like that. {Slurps, laughs} See the pyramids along the Nile -Um, Princess? Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle -Yes, Shrek? -I, um, I was wondering. Just remember, darling all the while -Are you- - You belong to me {Sighs} -Are you gonna eat that? {Chuckles} -Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset. -Sunset? -Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late. -What? -Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you? -Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside. -Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until - - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark. {Shrek sighs} -Good night. -Good night. {Door creaks} -Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here. -Oh, what are you talkin' about? -I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it. -You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad. -Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel. -I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a princess, and I'm - - -An orge? -Yeah. An orge. -Hey, where you goin'? -To get... move firewood. {Sighs} -Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you? {Wings fluttering} -Princess? {Creaking} {Gasps} -It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games. {Screams} -Aah! -Oh, no! -No, help! -Shh! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -No, it's okay. It's okay. -What did you do with the princess? -Donkey, I'm the princess. -Aah! -It's me, in this body. -Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me? -Donkey! -Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there! -No! -Shrek! Shrek! Shrek! -Shh. -Shrek! -This is me. {Muffled mumbling} -Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different. -I'm ugly, okay? -Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - - -No. -I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember. -What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before. -It's only happens when sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form." -Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry. -It's a spell. {Sighs} -When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this. {Sobs} -All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7. -But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look. -Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad? -I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell. -But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you got a lot in common. -Shrek? -Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh - - {Sighs} -I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go. -I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. {Gasps} -My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love. {Deep sigh} -Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell. -You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth. -No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know. -What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets? -Promise you won't tell. Promise! -All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. -Look at my eye twitchin'. {Door opens} {Snoring} -I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. -Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - - {Snoring} -Shrek. Are you all right? -Perfect! Never been better. -I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you. -You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night. -You heard what I said? -Every word. -I thought you'd understand. -Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?" -But I thought that wouldn't matter to you. -Yeah? Well, it does. {Gasps, sighs} -Ah, right on time. {Horse whinnies} -Princess, I've brought you a little something. {Fanfare} {Yawns} -What'd I miss? What'd I miss? {Muffled} -Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey. -Princess Fiona. -As promised. Now hand it over. -Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed. -Take it and go before I change my mind. -Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad. -Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. {Snaps fingers} -Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell. -Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the orge. It's not like it has feelings. -No, you're right. It doesn't. -Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage. {Gasps} -Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom? -Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - - -Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed! -No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets. -Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests! -Fare-thee-well, orge. -Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away. -Yeah? So what? -Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night, She's - - -I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home? -Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you. -I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys! -But I thought - - -Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong! -Shrek. I heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord But you don't really care for music, do ya It goes like this the fourth, the fifth The minor fall the major lift The baffled king composing hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah Baby, I've been here before I know this room I've walked this floor I used to live alone before I knew you I've seen your flag on the marble arch But love is not a victory march It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah Hallelujah, hallelujah And all I ever learned from love Is how to shoot at someone Who outdrew you {Moaning} And it's not a cry you can hear at night It's not somebody who's seen the light It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah {Moaning} Hallelujah, hallelujah {Thumping sound} -Donkey? {Grunts} -What are you doing? -I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one. -Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it. -It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half. -Oh! Your half. Hmm. -Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head. -Back off! -No, you back off. -This is my swamp! -Our swamp. -Let go, Donkey! -You let go. -Stubborn jackass! -Smelly orge. -Fine! -Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet. -Well, I'm through with you. -Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away. -Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back? -Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other! -Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in the back! -Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings. -Go away! -There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you. -Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking. -She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else. -She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about? -Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right? -Donkey! -No! -Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? {Sighs} -I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you forgive me? -Hey, that's what friends are for, right? -Right. Friends? -Friends. -So, um, what did Fiona say about me? -What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her? -The wedding! We'll never make it in time. -Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I have a way. {Whistles} -Donkey? -I guess it's just my animal magnetism. {Laughing} -Aw, come here, you. -All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. -Whoo! {Bells tolling} {All gasping} -People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union.... -Um- -of our new king - - -Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"? {Chuckling} -Go on. -Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you? -What are you talking about? -There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!" -I don't have time for this! -Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you? -Yes. -You wanna hold her? -Yes. -Please her? -Yes! -Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that romantic crap! -All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line? -We gotta check it out. -And so, by the power vested in me, -What do you see? -The whole town's in there. -I now pronounce you husband and wife, -They're at the altar. -king and queen. -Mother Fletcher! He already said it. -Oh, for the love of Pete! {Grunts} -I object! -Shrek? {Gasps} -Oh, now what does he want? -Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all. Very clean. -What are you doing here? -Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding - - -Fiona! I need to talk to you. -Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me - - -But you can't marry him. -And why not? -Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king. -Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him. -He's not your true love. -And what do you know about true love? -Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - - -Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord. {Crowd laughting} -An orge and a princess! -Shrek, is this true? -Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm! -"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before. {Whimpers} {Crown gasping} -Well, uh, that explains a lot. -Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both! -No, no! -Shrek! -This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See? -No, let go of me! Shrek! -No! -Don't just stand there, you morons. -Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh! -I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! -You'll beg for death to save you! -No, Shrek! -And as for you, my wife, -Fiona! -I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! -I'm king! {Whistles} -I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah! -Aah! -All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it. {Roars} -I'm a donkey on the edge! {Belches} -Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? {Cheering} -Go ahead, Shrek. -Uh, Fiona? -Yes, Shrek? -I - - I love you. -Really? -Really, really. - I love you too. -Aawww! -"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true form." -"Take love's true form. Take love's true form." -Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right? -Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful. -But you ARE beautiful. {Chuckles} -I was hoping this would be a happy ending. I thought love was only true in fairy tales Oy! Meant for someone else but not for me Love was out to get me That's the way it seemed Disappointment haunted all my dreams And then I saw her face Now I'm a believer and not a trace Of doubt in my mind I'm in love Ooh-aah I'm a believer I couldn't leave her If I tried -God bless us, every one. Come on, y'all! Then I saw her face Ha-ha Now I'm a believer Listen! Not a trace Of doubt in my mind I'm in love Ooh-aah I'm a believer I couldn't leave her if I tried -Ooh! -Uh! Then I saw her face Now I'm a believer Hey! Not a trace Uhh! Yeah. Of doubt in my mind -One more time! I'm in love I'm a believer Come on! I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey Y'all sing it with me! I Believe I believe People in the back! I believe I'm a believer I believe I believe I believe I believe {Hysterical laughing} -Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. -I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I believe in self-assertion Destiny or a slight diversion Now it seems I've got my head on straight I'm a freak an apparition Seems I've made the right decision To try to turn back now it might be too late Now I want to stay home today Don't wanna go out If anyone comes to play Gonna get thrown out I wanna stay home today Don't want no company No way Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna be a millionaire someday But know what it feels like to give it away Watch me march to the beat of my own drum And it's off to the moon and then back again Same old day Same situation My happiness rears back as if to say I wanna stay home today Don't wanna go out If anyone comes to play Gonna get thrown out I wanna stay home today Don't want no company No way Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home......... I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes My heart skips a beat Girl, I feel so alive Please tell me, baby, if all this is true 'Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you Oh-oh-oh Makes me wanna dance Oh-oh-oh It's a new romance Oh-oh-oh I look into your eyes Oh-oh-oh The best years of our lives When we first met I could hardly believe The things that would happen and we could achieve So let's be together for all of our time Oh, girl, I'm so thankful that you are still mine You always consider me like an ugly duckling And treat me like a Nostradamus was why I had to get my shine on I break a little something to keep my mind on 'Cause you had my mind gone Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh Turn the lights on, Come on, baby Let's just rewind the song 'Cause all I want to do is make the rest years the best years All night long Oh-oh-oh Makes me wanna dance Makes me wanna dance Oh-oh-oh It's a new romance It's a new romance Oh-oh-oh I look into your eyes Oh, yeah, yeah I look into your eyes Oh-oh-oh The best years of our lives Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.............. Everything looks bright Standing in your light Everything feels right What's left is out of sight What's a girl to do I'm telling you You're on my mind I wanna be with you 'Cause when you're standin' next to me It's like wow And all your kisses seem to set me free It's like wow And when we touch it's such a rush I can't get enough It's like- - It's like Ooh-ooh Hey, what It's like wow Ooh-ooh, hey Hey, yeah It's like wow Everything is looking right now, right now It's like wow And I got this feeling This feeling it's just like wow It's just like wow You are all I'm thinking of. Like wow Everything feels right Everything feels right Like wow Everything looks bright All my senses are right Like wow Everything feels right Baby, baby, baby the way I'm feeling you Is like wow There is something that I see In the way you look at me There's a smile There's a truth In your eyes What an unexpected way On this unexpected day Could it be This is where I belong It is you I have loved All long There's no more mystery It is finally clear to me You're the home my heart's searched for So long It is you I have loved All long Whoa, over and over I'm filled with emotion As I look Into your perfect face