#does the character Have to be romo repulsed to not be shipped. does everyone have to be in a romantic relationship

[dyketubbo]

just bitching in the tags a bit to get feelings out

[aro-culture-is]

Hi! Questioning pansexual/arospec here. I love reading about romance and squee in joy at fictional couples. However, I also find it annoying when fandoms oversexualize and romantize characters who just LOOKED AT EACH OTHER. I also, as of now, find the idea of being in a romantic relationship myself uncomfortable. I don't want to get married. I don't want to have sex. I hate the expectation that everyone will end up doing those things.

Is there a label for this? I might just go with arospec but I at least want to be educated on more specific labels!

hi! odd as it may feel - nothing you've provided me is honestly a great basis for judging anything about your identity! Plenty of aro folks (including those like me who feel zero romantic attraction ever!) enjoy fictional couples. Disliking fandom's tendency to make everything about shipping/sex is uh... is honestly just self preservation, imo. Amatonormativity and allonormativity (the presumption that everyone is allo/allo) are hard to not dislike once you know they exist.

As for feeling uncomfortable with the idea of being in a romantic relationship and/or wanting to get married... there's a lot of things that can encourage those feelings. One can be belonging to the aro-spec! Many aro folks experience romantic repulsion (romo repulsion) when considering irl romance - though some don't! And many of us are (romance) favorable to fictional romance! Additionally, all of the above attitudes can be applied to sex - not wanting to have sex can be a sign that the ace-spec may be of interest, or you could find it repulsive or be indifferent to it regardless of orientation.

But I do want to also say there are other reasons people can not want these things - but regardless, how you feel now is important and I encourage using the label that fits you now rather than worry about accuracy/causes if that is in any way a burden. I can't tell you how many labels I've used through the years - genuinely, I can't recall all of them anymore. (I am the LGBTQ+. Fear me.) Honestly, check out the community of any term and consider if calling yourself that (ie, "I am aro-spec, I am aro" etc) feels like anything to you. Does it feel right? If not, can you identify why? If not, that's okay.

Some folks are aro because of trauma, and this can be a touchy subject - some folks (incorrectly) believe aromanticism can only be caused by trauma, while others claim trauma means you were never actually aromantic in the first place. Both are excuses to disbelieve aro folks, and the cognitive dissonance of the very large overlap between those who believe each statement can be horrifying. That said: if you're aro due to or NOT due to trauma that's okay. Also if it's maybe somewhere in-between, influenced to due neurodivergence, etc.

We hope this helps! Feel free to check out the tag "am i aro" for more of our answers to these types of asks :)

- mod alexander

[gray-culture-is]

Hey! I have a question about being grayromantic. I'm very into romance, i enjoy love stories and i want romantic relationships. But recently i realised that I've never actually felt proper romantic attraction.

I've never had a crush, the closest thing I've felt is alterous and/or sexual attraction. I'm also in my late teens, which is the stereotypical "crushes and highschool sweethearts" age. everyone around me is having crushes and relationships and I don't relate at all.

Also the concept of actually liking someone is really foreign to me. I see online dating and asking for strangers numbers and i think, "but how can i like someone i know nothing about?" but then i see friends and acquaintances getting together and i go,"but i'm so content and happy being friends I don't need anything 'more'?"

It's like i want to have feelings for someone but I can't fathom developing those feelings. I want to do romantic things with a hypothetical someone, but I can't imagine doing them w anyone i already know irl.

But i am still a romance nutin theory, i ship a lot of characters, i consume mostly romantic media, i want to date ppl someday. I'm cheesy and I'm weak for confessions of love and all the cliche tropes. Valentines day and roses and pink hearts is something i love, which is where my question comes in.

Most grayromantics i see are like, "yea I'm kindof into romance but not really" or "I've had a few crushes but the ides of romance doesn't rlly appeal to me" and I'm the exact opposite. I don't know, does that make me not grayaro? My love for romance and love stories. It's the only thing keeping me from using the gray aro label. I'm pretyy sure I'm grayaro but this one thing prevents me from actually using the term.

Thank you! Hope this wasn't too long and annoying

Hello! This one is actually right up my alley, but it's also quite a bit to unpack, so let's get into it. There are a lot of aspec people who struggle with their identities because of this. In fact, when I first identified with the aspec, I thought it meant I couldn't consume any romantic/sexual media and I shunned myself every time I did. But, the reality of it is, you can be aspec and still actively want and consume these sorts of things! Just as some aspec people are sex/romance repulsed and neutral, some people are sex/romance favorable! Which means that they still like/want romance/sex, despite their lack of attraction. I myself identify as both grayromantic and cupioromantic! I haven't ever really experienced romantic attraction, maybe once or twice, but regardless I still want to have romantic relationships with people! The lack of attraction does make it difficult, but just like you I hope to have someone (or multiple someones) to live out my life with/ I'm really bad at explaining things, so I guess my answer is, yes! You can totally identify as grayaro if you think it fits you. Labels and identities are made to help us find ourselves, not to push us back into more carefully defined boxes. Your identity is yours to decide, not society's ideas of what's what. So, yeah! I hope that, and the link to the cupioromantic wiki, helps. And if not, I would like to point you in the direction of the wonderful @romo-aro-culture-is! That blog is run by the wonderful Mod Emcee, and they focus mainly on being arospec and romance favorable! I'm sure you'll find whatever you need there. If anyone has anything to add, please feel free to do so in the form of a reblog!