#does this count as a Mario Wonder prediction?

[idkamilost]

3DS drawings I drew in Swapnote

Also, have a totally normal Mario who’s totally just taking a nap.

[epic-potato-crisp]

Wireless (AjinWeek2020/6)

Day 6: Favorite AU! / Dotard + Call of Duty

By @ryokasmagic

Note:  AU in which Satou is a Pro-Gamer.

…………

* Sam_The_Gaming_Man has started his first stream on Twitch! *

“Hello everyone, and good day from Tokyo!” The older man greets the audience with a bright smile, throwing up a peace-sign. He’s wearing a cap that’s covering parts of his face, but no-one can miss the mischievous glint in his eyes.

“First, I want to thank my over 1 million subscribers for making this possible by always watching my Let’s Plays- You guys are the real champions! Welcome to my debut stream!”

He tips his hat. “This whole social media landscape, if I may be honest with you guys, is quite the challenge for an old geezer like me. That’s why I have Oliver over here helping me out. Thank you, Oliver!”

Someone waves a walking stick in greeting in the background.

“And thank you to Terry and Garry, who carried all my equipment up here, and helped him install it.” He gestures around himself. “Here, you can see my entire setup!”

A photo briefly fades into the right corner of the stream, showing a desktop with two large monitors, a tower case standing at the bottom, a keyboard flashing in red, gaming mouse and various other electronics. “4 TB of storage and the best CPU on the market, according to Oliver!” He holds up his hands in resignation: “Please do not ask me for the details, I have long since given up on that particular aspect. I’m here for the game and the game only! As they say, I’m going in for the kill.” He chuckles.

A taller man appears in the background. “Eh- Sato- eh, Sam-san?” a voice asks uncertainly.

“Oh, Ted!” Sam beckons him closer in a gleeful voice, “Ted my man! Come here, come here! Say hello to our audience!”

Ted inches forward. He’s of above average height, his black hair is long and shaggy under a grey basecap, and he’s wearing a red sports-jacket. He also looks like he very much doesn’t want to be here.

“I’ve brought your refreshment.” Ted says, holding out a large glass filled with tea, ice-cubes, lemon, a straw and even a little turquoise umbrella on top.

“Ted, please, take a seat!” Sam insists and finally Ted does, sitting down on the stool next to him and hands him the glass, which he gratefully accepts.

“Thank you so much!”

Sam takes a large sip. Closing his eyes, he tilts back his head and lets out a content sigh. “Just what I need before a long streaming session. Ted, you really are an angel!”

Ted avoids looking at the camera. There’s a faint blush on his face.

“Can I go now, Sat- eh, Sam-san?”

Sam laughs, amicably patting his back. “Ahh, Ted always the shy one. Go on, I won’t keep you.”

Ted bows, mumbles his thanks and disappears in a flash.

“Where were we, where were we….” Sam studies the screen, “Right, today we will be tackling a very retro game, made possible by Oliver and his friend, the emulator. Super Mario Brothers, originally published for the NES! Haha, what a joy to go back to my roots!”

Sam takes another sip of his drink. “Mmm, delicious. On this note, a big thank you to my sponsors Nekozawa Tech! They have also gifted me this beautiful headset!”

He points to his face. The headset in question shines in a cardinal red, with cat-ears adorning the top.

“See, these can even be lighted up!” Sam explains, as he demonstrates, “It makes me feel right as though I bathed in the fountain of immortal youth!” He winks into the camera.

“And of course, it wouldn’t be complete without a high-quality microphone.” He continues, lovingly patting the device in front of him. “If this has wakened your gaming spirit, click on the link in my description and get 40% of your next Nekozawa Tech order with the code EmperorSam! And now, back to the game!”

He rubs his hands, smirking.

“I do hope I won’t regret my boastful words the second I start World 1, but if you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I’m quite the pro at this game in particular. So, in order to keep this whole stream a little more interesting and personal, feel free to ask any burning questions you may have. Terry and Gerry over here are monitoring the feed and will pick the most exquisite ones for when I pass a level! Right, you two?”

“Back to business, baby!” a cheery voice shouts.

Sam nods. “That’s what I love to hear. Ah, and now, to no longer keep you- let the Games begin!”

….

Sam breezes through the first two worlds in record-time, audibly having a blast while doing so.

Apparently, so is his audience. His viewer count has tripled by the time they reach World 4.

“Sam, ready for some questions?” a voice asks in the background.

“Ready as I’ll ever be, Terry!” Sam flashes a confident grin at the camera, stretching and tilting his neck from one side to the next, until it gives a satisfying crack.

“telomere_freak wants to know: “Don’t you think Sam_The_Gaming_Man sounds a little too peaceful for someone of your caliber? How about killer_grandpa_606 or murderous_maniac_xoxo.”

Sam laughs heartily in response. “What a great first question to start of the round! You have a point, telomere_freak, my bloodthirsty nature – in games, of course, only- “yet again, he winks at the camera, “is not as subtle as I believed. I’m quite content with my name, however I do want to honour such a creative suggestion.” He spins around in his chair.

“Hey, Oliver?”

“Yes, Sam?”

“Can you add: “Killer_Grandpa_xoxo” to my twitter bio?”

“Sure thing, boss.”

“Wonderful! Thank you again, telomere_freak for your question. Do we have any others, Gary?”

“We have one here from yuuandai.” A second voice announces in the background. Someone, presumably Terry, cracks up with laughter.

“Guys, seriously? I see what you did there, but that’s so freaking lame!”

Gary clears his throat. “Yuuandai wants to know: “What was your occupation before becoming a pro-gamer?”

“Quite the serious one here.” Sam muses, taking down his headset for a moment. “Well, I won’t disclose too many personal details, but I can say I dabbled in International Trade before deciding to retire at my desktop. It might be difficult to imagine me all fancy in a business suit, but back then, it payed the bills. And it taught a lot about strategy at the same time.”

He puts his headset back on. “And now, let’s get ready for some entertainment!”

……

World 4 is destroyed in an almost ridiculous amount of time.

“I’d really feel sorry for these turtles.” he comments, “If they weren’t such fun to jump on!”

Unexpectedly, World 5 proves to be more difficult than Sam had anticipated.

His good mood doesn’t drop in the slightest. On the contrary, it seems have been heightened.

“What a rollercoaster!” Sam calls out in exhilaration, pausing the game after yet another death, “That’s an enemy how I like them- difficult to predict, difficult to conquer. Alas, I will take a short break. Terry, if you please?”

“kurochan100 wants to know: Will you be joining us for the Call of Duty Tournament next weekend?”

“What a question, of course! That’s something that even early stage dementia won’t let me forget.” Sam laughs, “Just a joke, folks.” He smirks. “My old brain works a little better than Ted would like it to sometimes.”

As if on cue, the taller man appears behind him: “Sat-, eh, Sam-san. Your medication.” He fidgets, pill box in hand.

“Ted, you’re truly an angel! Don’t stand there, sit, sit. You know my female fanbase appreciates your cameos.”

“Do they?” Ted asks quietly, fidgeting but taking a seat as expected of him.

“Why wouldn’t they? We all need a savior like Ted when your own hips become one’s mortal enemy.” Sam sighs theatrically, waggling a finger at the camera.

He then swallows medication in one go with a generous sip of iced tea.

“#tenshited is trending.” Terry calls out from the back, as #てんしてど moves up to number one of Japan’s most popular twitter topics.

“Ahahaha, is it? See Ted, the ladies just can’t enough get of you!”.

Ted mumbles something incoherent, pulling his basecap even lower.

“Wait a second though- “Sam frowns, “What user asked about the tournament again?”

“kurochan100.” Gary says.

“Wait, is it the kurochan100? Terry, check that please.”

“On it, boss. Oh, speaking of the devil: “It is me. You better have your weapons ready on Saturday.”- kurochan100.”

“Of course, it is them!” Sam chuckles, and waves into the camera.

“Shout-out to kurochan100! She’s an up-and-coming streamer, and a living legend at Call of Duty. Even Ted has experienced the joy of being crushed by her before. Haven’t you, Ted?”

“I need to leave.” Ted mumbles, and promptly disappears from sight.

“Some losses take longer to get over.” Sam comments, with a wry smirk, “Well, give her a follow on her Twitch channel, you won’t regret it! Except of course, if you’re on the opposing team!” He laughs loudly.

“Let’s continue.” he announces, turning back to the game. There’s a vengeful glint in his eyes.

“I still have a World to take over.”

[letterboxd]

How I Letterboxd #9: Julie Collette.

Christmas movie lover Julie Collette tells Jack Moulton all about her seasonal movie habits, the best big screen Santa Claus of all time, disability visibility in festive films, and some of the weirder holiday picks.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year: when Letterboxd members turn to the Neverending Christmas List to help plan their Christmas movie viewing. Arrange it by highest rated, arrange it by newest release, or by popularity—any which way, there’s something for everyone, from corny TCM romances to obscure seasonal horrors.

Created six years ago by Canadian member Julie Collette, the list runs to more than 4,300 titles, and contains the word ‘Christmas’ 1,837 times at last count. Julie and her husband are die-hard Letterboxd fans, having allegedly used the platform every day for the past nine years. She’s logged every film she’s seen in theaters since 1996.

A message from John McClane in ‘Die Hard’ (1988).

What inspired your Neverending Christmas List? Can you please explain the minimum requirement for eligibility? My husband had told me about a list on Letterboxd of Every Horror Film Made from 1895–Present and that gave me the idea to start the neverending Christmas list. My eligibility rules are not strict at all. It can be a film that centers on or around Christmas time. Even New Year’s counts in my book—as long as there’s a moment in the film that has a Christmas song, a Christmas scene, or Christmas decorations. Die Hard is definitely a Christmas film. First of all, it takes place on Christmas Eve at an office Christmas party. There’s that great note that John McClane sends to Hans Gruber on a dead guy’s shirt: “Now I have a machine gun, ho-ho-ho.” Now that’s Christmas! There are a couple of titles that test my relaxed requirements. Examples would be Psycho—there are a few Christmas decorations at the beginning [and Bryan Fuller agrees]—and the documentary Beauty Day by Canadian director Jay Cheel, which has Christmas lights at the end.

And what percentage of the films have you seen? As of right now, I've watched 20 percent—that’s 882 of the 4,322 films on the list. I’ve got a lot of homework to do. Here’s a few hidden gems I recommend: Mon oncle Antoine, Holiday Affair, Remember the Night, Olivia, On the Twelfth Day…, Bing Crosby’s Merrie Olde Christmas and One Christmas, which is Katherine Hepburn’s last role.

David Bowie and Bing Crosby sing ‘The Little Drummer Boy’ in ‘Bing Crosby’s Merrie Old Christmas’ (1977).

When does your Christmas movie viewing season start? I usually start mid-November to try to keep up with the TV rom-coms because they start to air even before Hallowe’en. This year on Hallowe’en night we rewatched The Night of the Hunter and I had forgotten that there was a sequence that was set at Christmas time. It was a perfect segue between Hallowe’en and Christmas, so I started November 1st. As far as how I pick what to watch, I go through my list and randomly pick some. I try to watch as many first-time watches and mix up the genres. But the closer I get to Christmas, the more I want to watch my favorites—for the most part I go with the flow. Christmas Day is usually a day of family time, but I try to sneak in one favorite if I can.

What was the first Christmas film that got you into all of this? I’ve always loved Christmas and growing up I watched the yearly airings of vintage Christmas cartoons and A Muppet Family Christmas. When Home Alone came out it was an instant obsession, then Home Alone 2: Lost in New York was just as good. Even now it’s our yearly tradition for my husband and I to watch the Home Alones while we decorate the Christmas tree.

If not Home Alone, what is your all-time favorite Christmas film? It’s a Wonderful Life is up there for me. Partly because growing up I watched it every Christmas Eve and kind of forced my dad to watch it with me. I think he secretly didn’t mind. As a kid, I didn’t dwell on the sad parts of the story, I just wanted to go to that candy shop and run in Bedford Falls like George in that beautiful thick fake snow. Now as an adult, I appreciate the story about a small town coming together to support a man at his lowest of lows more. Jimmy Stewart is amazing as George Bailey and we can all see ourselves at some point in his journey in the film. The chemistry and comedic timing between Stewart and Donna Reed is one of the best. Every time they sing ‘Auld Lang Syne’, I always get a bit misty-eyed.

メリークリスマス Japanese style, in ‘Tokyo Godfathers’ (2003).

What have you noticed about the ways in which Christmas films have changed over the years? In classic Christmas storytelling, there are a lot more religion-centered ones like The Bishop’s Wife and It’s a Wonderful Life. The ’80s and ’90s were about the blockbusters that the whole family could enjoy; Batman Returns, Home Alone, and The Santa Clause. The last twenty years have brought us a lot of different movies, but I do find that the start of the 2000s had a better crop of Christmas movies; Love Actually, Elf, Tokyo Godfathers, Far from Heaven, Bridget Jones’s Diary, About a Boy and so many more. The last decade has been saturated by the rom-coms of Hallmark, Lifetime and their imitators, but from the last five years, a few stand out that could be destined to become Christmas classics: Carol, Little Women and The Night Before.

The best, most rewatched Christmas stories tend to be remade. Do you have a classic Christmas story that you always love, no matter who’s telling it? Hands down Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. From my favorite—Scrooge—to The Muppet Christmas Carol, to Scrooged. Growing up, I had the book of Mickey’s Christmas Carol and I loved the cartoon adaptation. I love to see the different actors’ excitement and elation at the end when Scrooge wakes up on Christmas Day. My ultimate favorite is Alistair Sim in 1951’s Scrooge. He’s so jubilant asking the maid what day it is and wishing himself Merry Christmas in the mirror. It’s a bit darker than others. When I was a kid, the intro with Jacob Marley and the build-up of the chains scared me, but I couldn’t stop watching. Patrick Stewart’s Ebenezer [in the 1999 TV movie] is also great for his relief that he survived the journey through time. What an actor! An honorable mention to The Shop Around the Corner, In the Good Old Summertime and You’ve Got Mail, which are all based on [the 1937 Hungarian play Parfumerie by Miklós László].

A Christmas Treat in ‘Dolly Parton’s Christmas on the Square’ (2020).

Treat Williams stars in not one but two of this season’s films (who knew he could sing?!). Which actors bring that special spark to festive films for you? Yes, and boy can he sing! Another actor who can sing and puts me straight in the Christmas mood is Bing Crosby. Those classic songs in White Christmas and Holiday Inn are favorites of mine. Jimmy Stewart is an obvious one. He has that charm that’s perfect for Christmas movies, especially in The Shop Around the Corner.

What’s your guiltiest pleasure on the list? Why do we love cheesy movies so much?! Every year I watch TCM’s Classic Christmas marathon [but I also watch] the Hallmark and Lifetime Christmas rom-coms. For me, I love them partly because there’s always a happy ending. I love to see all the decorations and all the cute small towns—some I wish existed so I could visit them because they’re so darn cute! Another reason I love them is the nostalgia, as some of the better ones star TV actors from the ’90s and ’00s like Candice Cameron Bure, Lacey Chabert, Jonathan Bennett, Adrian Grenier, Mario Lopez, Alicia Witt, Alison Sweeney and so many others.

One of the other great Christmas-themed lists on Letterboxd is the one about Christmas movie posters with white heterosexual couples wearing red and green—though many members pride themselves on having seen none of them. I like those movies because I can zone out and enjoy the predictable Christmas ride. However, like other Letterboxd members, I know that these aren’t Oscar-caliber films—though some are better than others! I’m glad that the powers that make these movies are starting to be more inclusive with more POC and LGTBQ+ characters. As a wheelchair user with a physical disability, I was happy to see that Lifetime has an upcoming one called Christmas Ever After, starring Ali Stroker.

Ali Stroker finds love in ‘Christmas Ever After’ (2020).

Indeed, our Make the Yuletide Gay list is an attempt to highlight queer festive films, but the pickings have been slim. Yes, very slim. There’s been queer characters in Christmas films but it’s your stereotypical gay friend or something like that. This year I feel there’s a shift in the air to be more inclusive. My favorites this year so far have been the star-filled lesbi-rom-com Happiest Season, The Christmas House—featuring a landmark first gay couple in a Hallmark festive film, Dolly Parton’s Christmas on the Square and Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey—with Ricky Martin! I’m looking forward to checking out A New York Christmas Wedding, The Christmas Setup and Dashing in December.

What is the scariest Christmas film that your horror-loving husband has made you watch? The best one is Black Christmas. I love that it’s female-centered and ahead of its time in their portrayals. The killer’s POV really gets me into it and still to this day puts me on edge, so much so that an ornament fell off our tree while watching it this year and it freaked me out!

Also, should we be watching The Nightmare Before Christmas on Hallowe’en or on Christmas? I watch The Nightmare Before Christmas on both holidays so you get the best of both worlds—the ghoulishness of Hallowe’en and the merriment of Christmas!

What other films on your list show Christmas in an unusual light? The first weird one that popped to mind is The Star Wars Holiday Special. That was weird! Also, from what I’ve watched I would say Eyes Wide Shut, The Ref and 3 Godfathers are not your usual Christmas films. I do have quite a few on the list I have to watch that seem weird and unusual like Elves, Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny and Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

[Editor’s note: Previous How I Letterboxd interviewee Dave Vis urges you not to watch Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny under any circumstances.]

Which actor is the quintessential Santa Claus? For me, it’s the Santa in Miracle on 34th Street, played by Edmund Gwenn. He truly embodied the part in the way he plays Kris Kringle. The gentleness and innocence he shows throughout the film is magical. It’s no wonder he won a Best Supporting Actor Academy Award for his performance.

Gunn Wållgren in ‘Fanny and Alexander’ (1982).

Of course, so many films in the Christmas canon are American films. What are some of the best Christmas films from around the world? This question makes me realize I haven’t watched enough Christmas movies from around the world. With that being said here’s a few; A Christmas Tale from France, A Child’s Christmas in Wales from the UK, Tokyo Godfathers from Japan and Ingmar Bergman’s Fanny and Alexander from Sweden. Mon oncle Antoine is a great Canadian film set in a small mining village during Christmas. It reminded me of the stories my mom and grandma talked about their Christmas traditions in their small village.

Are there any overrated classics you want to protest? I didn’t watch A Christmas Story growing up, so when I finally did watch it as an adult, I didn’t connect with it. The iconic scenes are funny and all, but it’s just okay. Now I’ll be on my hubby’s naughty list!

Does the film marathon continue through that purgatory week between Christmas and New Year? Do you have any film-related traditions to ring in the New Year? It does continue during that week to a certain extent. Some years after Christmas I’m done and what I haven’t watched goes to the following year but other years I can watch a few more and not feel overwhelmed. On New Year’s we have no traditions per se, but this year we might do a Tarantino marathon.

Christmas season is also synonymous with awards season. You keep track of a lot of Academy Awards history. How are you feeling about the awards season this year? First off, like many others, I haven’t even set foot in a theater this year and that is sad. I hope that the theater-going experience is not irreparably damaged. One good thing that came from the pandemic is film festivals streamed online and we were fortunate to watch some great titles from TIFF from the comfort of our home in September. I saw Nomadland, and it’s going to be a frontrunner for many of the main categories. I hope Regina King’s One Night in Miami gets some love. Miranda July’s Kajillionaire script is so unique—Evan Rachel Wood and Richard Jenkins should be contenders. I haven’t watched a lot of docs yet but Boys State stands out. I’m also eager to see First Cow, Minari, Ammonite, The Truffle Hunters, Soul, Mank, The Father and Promising Young Woman.

This Christmas is going to be weird for a lot of people. What’s one film you’d recommend for a guaranteed happiness injection? Weird indeed. If I have to pick just one it would be John Favreau’s Elf. Will Ferrell as Buddy the Elf instantly brings a smile to my face. You can feel his joy for Christmas from start to finish. From the classic claymation, to New York City at Christmas, to eating all that sugar, to that hilarious scene with Peter Dinklage—it’s Christmas gold!

And finally, are there some other Letterboxd members you recommend we follow? Emily, Flurryheaven, Guyzo997, Peter Spencer, Michael Dean, Brent Vanhomwegen, Ara Hiddleston and also some more Christmas lists.

[alt-ernativewonderland]

Make You Smile

Harrison Osterfield x Reader One Shot

Warnings: Swearing + An abundance of Fluff and Banter + Secondhand embarrassment perhaps? Probably some very shitty writing?

It was a lazy fall Sunday afternoon, soon to be evening and because it had looked rather dreary outside this morning (not very unusual for London, of course) you and your housemate Tom had decided to stay in and play Mario Kart all morning in your Pj's feasting on Jaffa cakes and day old pizza.

However by the time noon had just about rolled around your partner in crime (or Mario Kart more accurately speaking) had received an urgent call from his agent requesting his presence immediately for a last minute rescheduled call back for a new film he had been in the process or auditioning for.

Tom felt a little bad leaving you during your Mario marathon so around 15 minutes after he had left, a knock at the door and a familiar hoodie clad face had popped in moments later, seating himself down next to you, taking up a controller for himself.  

Tom's best friend. The gorgeous Harrison. Who you may or may not be a little helplessly in love with. Those damned eyes. Could you be blamed? Tom of course suspected something straight off and had been trying to get you to admit it ever since, giving you shit about it every. Single. Day.

"Alright? Tom called, told me you might need a friend he'd said, making himself comfortable and switching Tom's Mario Character for his choice Luigi instead.

This is how it had started out. Now? Now it was all out war.

"You better watch out princess look who's catching up" Harrison taunts.

"Good come a little closer so you can taste this banana i'm about to throw at your stupid green hat"

You fire back aiming the fruit behind you. It hits him dead on sending his cart spinning off the to side of the track, he yells out an obscenity in protest.

"You're in first now but don't get too comfortable you're about to get wrecked with blue shells just wait." He laughs managing to speed back into third place rather quickly.

"Meh me meung meh meh" You mimic back under your breath.

Suddenly the grin etched on your face is wiped clean when your screen goes black from the predicted blue shell.

"NoOoOo you fuck- stupid- fucking- shhhghaarrghh!!!!!!"

"Language, darling Peach that's not very royal of you" He chuckles.

"Shut it you, I can still win this, if you stop trying to distract me with your stupid retorts"

"If you can't bant and play at the same time what even is the point? Also careful what you say there peachy look who's in first" Harrison says grinning while poking a finger at your side.  

"Well then who has to watch out for blue shells now huh!" You think up (a little weakly) tingling from the ticklish contact.

You didn't have any blue shells or any sort of random items actually so you decided to play a little dirty instead, palming his face and shoving him off to the side effectively tipping him over, off the lounge and onto the carpeted floor.  

"Oi that's cheating you can't do that!"

"All's fair in Mario kart and war my friend" You say as you race toward the finish line, crossing it seconds later.

Immediately you leap from the couch jumping up and down like a little kid on Christmas morning.

"YEEESSS I am the queen of Mario Kart in your FACE Osterfield!" You cackle delightedly down at his hunched over form as he still sits upon the floor, dejected puppy dog expression and all.

Your cheeks are a little warm from all the excitement. And perhaps his adorably put out expression.

"You're princess Peach not queen Peach and whatever you cheated AND anyway we were playing on 150cc that's too fast it wasn't a fair game!"

"Oooooh that's right blame the speed and my genius tactics for your epic 5th loss in a row! Or is it 6th now? I've honestly lost count" You tease him, still giggling a little, sitting back down on the lounge for the next round.

"I'll show you a genius tactic!"

Suddenly he launches himself towards you from the floor, sprawling himself on your lap and tickling mercilessly at your sides.

"Stop! Stop! Please - oh my god Harrison, Harrison please stop I can't - stop - I cant breathe!" You scream at the top of your lungs gasping, laughing uncontrollably at his preferred method of payback.

"This - is what you get - when you play dirty and cheat - to - win!" He says a little out of breath from the effort of holding you down and dodging your pathetic attempts of attack and defence.

"Okay okay okay I'm sorry, I'm sorry please just please okay-"

"Have you had enough yet?"

"YES Harrison PLEASE stop it oh my god" You beg, giggling uncontrollably still.

"What was that? I couldn't quite hear you love"

You could just hear the smirk in his voice, your sight of him effectively lost from the tears of laughter streaming down your face"

"I'M SORRY for shoving you okay truce truce, I surrender! I'm going to die, seriously!"

He laughs a little through tears of his own as he replies "I don't think it's actually possible to die from being tickled but I think you've learned your lesson."

He let's up on the tickling as you clutch your sides protectively, trying to get your breath back.

Although after peaking your eyes open a little, any chance of this is immediately tossed out of the window as you take in his disheveled appearance.

He was wearing that classic angel faced smile that instantly turned into a devilish grin when his starry eyes met your tear filled ones. His sandy blonde curls were sticking up in all directions and his cheeks were flushed from all the exertion. He was absolutely stunning.

Suddenly you both became very aware of the position you were in. He was still sitting firmly in your lap, hands resting gently on the skin of your exposed stomach where your shirt had ridden up a little in all the commotion.

Harrison bit his lip a little as he took you in. You desperately wondered what he could be thinking as your breath hitched a little at the quick flash of his tongue darting over soft pink lips.

The sound of shoes shuffling at the doormat shattered the tense atmosphere, the squeak of the old front door swinging open had you both scrambling to opposite sides of the lounge seconds after. Tom came rushing in to the  room.

"Y/n, Y/N! You would not believe - my agent Karen, and-" He stopped as he took in the scene in front of him

"What's...going on here? Harrison I thought you'd have left by now by now mate you do realise it's almost six, yeah?" Tom grinned at the two of you, shooting a knowing look your way.

"We were - we were just playing Mario Kart...still" He cleared his throat a little, reaching for a discarded controller and clutching it upside down in his haste.

"Right-o then if you say so." Tom scoffed, taking the spot on the lounge between Harrison and yourself and winking at your eye roll of a response.

"Are you sure H because you look a little winded there and your face is-" Tom started up again.

"What were you saying about your agent Karen? Thomas?" You piped up, noticing Harrison's embarrassment and glaring at the doe eyed boy beside you.

"Oh yeah! She managed to convince the casting agents to give me a second shot at callbacks because I missed mine from that nasty flu Harrison gave me and the director was so impressed with my 3rd audition that he invited us all out to lunch to get to know ME better because he really wants me to be chosen for the part! He thinks I was born to play Spider man can you believe?"

"No way man! That's incredible!" Harrison exclaimed high fiving his best friend and giving him a few congratulatory pats on the arm.

"I'm so proud of you Tom, honestly, you've worked so hard and you truly deserve this so much! You've been dreaming about this role since we were kids" Your face lights up and you offer a genuinely proud smile toward your best friend of 10 years reaching for a warm hug.

"Thanks guys, I really appreciate it. He mumbles back a little sheepishly into the crook of your neck.

"Well then, I guess this calls for a bit a celebration right? What's say I make some of my world class pasta for dinner tonight?" Harrison stands from the lounge, stretching languidly and heading towards the doorway to put his shoes on.

"Anybody need anything from the shops?"

"I'm good thanks" You reply back, rising from the lounge yourself to stretch.

You don't notice Harrison pausing in tying his shoelaces as you do so, fixated on your movements. Tom raising his eyebrows at him suggestively, then rolling them soon afterwards when his friend is brought out of his daze by his voice.

"Grab me a cornetto would you mate?" He grins, eyes twinkling at his friends dopey expression, reaching for his wallet.

"Nah mate don't even think about it, dinner and desserts on me; So parsley and basil for the pasta, cornetto for Tom aaaand Oreos for Y/n,"

He flips his hoodie up as he prepares to head out into the evening fall breeze.

"Hey I never said I wanted Oreos!" You call out to him, confused.

"Well yeah but I know you want them and even if you say you don't you'll change your mind, like always." He grins knowingly at your squinted eyes and crossed arms.

He heads out and its quiet for a moment, Mario Kart music still playing distantly on the TV.

"So" Tom's accusatory tone follows.

"What." You reply absently still facing the front door.

"What happened while I was out charming my future production team?" He picks up Harrison's discarded controller and flicks the character back over to Mario.

"Erm. Nothing. What? Nothing we were literally playing Mario Kart until you got back that's it." You respond hastily, plonking yourself back down on the lounge, grabbing the other controller and starting a new game.

"Are you sure about that? Because it kind of seemed like I walked in on something a little more than that." He smirked, instantly making it into first place with ease.  

"I really have no clue what you could possibly mean." You bite your lip thinking back to just a few moments ago when Harrison had had you practically pinned beneath him, his face flushed and breathless.

"Oh come off it you've been completely infatuated with him for like 6 years now don't even TRY to deny it Y/n." He chuckles shoving playfully at your shoulder trying to distract you from the game but the conversation in itself was distracting enough.

"You know I can here sounds coming from that frog mouth of yours Holland, but all they're saying is 'I'm gonna lose spectacularly'" You shove back, deflecting the attention back to the game at hand, aiming a red shell his way.

He swerves just in time and dodges it

"Damn your expert reflexes" You mumble, not 100 percent paying attention to the game in the first place anyway.

Too preoccupied by memories wayward curls over starry blue eyes and soft smiles.

"I prefer Spidey senses"

"Calm down you dork you haven't got the part quite yet"

"Just you wait when I do and I start getting more and more followers on Instagram I'm going to post it all over my story for my 1 million followers to see; 'Y/N LOVES HARRSION OSTERF-'" Suddenly he has a face full of pillow as you prepare to throw another.

"Shut UP Thomas! Oh my god like you would even GET a million followers in the first place you fucking div" You don't even throw the next pillow at him this time, electing to just pummel him with it for a while until you hear a muffled "Okay okay I'll stop I'll stop I'm sorry don't kill me" As he continues laughing, running his fingers through his frazzled hair the game effectively forgotten.

You sigh as you give up your pillow attack, placing the pillow behind you and resting your head against it with a deep defeated sigh.

You sit in comfortable silence for a moment, both listening to the ever playing Mario Kart theme and taking note of the sudden rainfall that must have just started to during your miniature conflict.

"Okay but I'd just like to reminisce something to you for a moment here." Tom speaks up after the pause in commotion. "Remember when we were kids, and I brought H to your birthday party so you could meet him and I got you that new Sims 2 Pets game?"

"Yeah...?" Suspicious eyes peered over at the boy, wondering where on earth he was going with this.

"Not two weeks after that you'd already made sim versions of the two of you and were planning the wedding, which from the screenshots I vacantly remember browsing through looked to be a beautiful ceremony I might add." He snickered, already scooting away from you and grabbing a nearby pillow off the loveseat, bracing for another attack.

"I'm going to murder you in your sleep tonight, and might III add that I was like eleven when that happened! And I made you too!" You threw the pillow you'd been resting your head on in his direction regardless of his makeshift pillow shield, groaning at the memory and covering your now very warm cheeks.

"I WAS THE DOG YOU GUYS ADOPTED AFTER YOU'D MOVED IN TOGETHER!" His exasperated tone turning into gasps of laughter when he saw your grin peaking out from behind embarrassed hands.

"At least you were a golden retriever puppy! That's a super cute dog! I could have made you as a hairless cat with huge disfigured eyes or something equally strange and disturbing."

"Something equally strange and disturbing is the title of yours and Osterfield's Sims 2 honeymoon sex tape." He clapped back, already on his feet and sprinting off towards the kitchen.

"I hate you!" You called out to him getting to your feet and following the object of said hatred to make yourself some tea.

"You only hate the fact that I right." He taunted back sticking his tongue out at your less than impressed expression at his childish antics.

"Alright fine maybe I did have a sort of small crush or something when we were younger but it's in the past!" You give in finally, absently fiddling with the tab of the tea bag in your Pusheen cat mug.   "Besides he never liked me back anyway." You mumbled the last sentence a little under your breath, concentrating on making the baggy bob up and down repeatedly in the steaming water.

"That's not true!" Tom blurted out, smacking a hand over his lips a moment later silently cursing his big mouth.

This was a secret Harrison swore him never to tell, he'd even pinkie promised.

Even if it was a secret from six years ago.

He couldn't help it though, after all this time you finally had said it clear as day, right in front of him!

"What do you mean it's not true? Thomas what aren't you telling me?"

You look up at his sudden admission, squinting your eyes to gauge his current demeanour as your heart rate inexplicably picked up. You watch as he shuffles nervously scratching at the back of his neck, not looking at you and busying himself with his own mug of tea.

"I mean, I'm just saying there was that one time you got really sick during the summer holidays before high school started and he brought Monty around to cheer you up."

"Oh I remember that! He said puppies could help cure anything so he stayed as long as he could to make sure I'd get the full effect even though I couldn't leave my bed." You smiled fondly at the memory, and how Harrison had also brought over your favourite chocolate chip cookies to double the efforts in making you feel better.

"Also when you lost your ring that day we played football in the park and he REFUSED to leave until it was found even after the sun had set and he only had his shitty phone screen light."

You shifted the heart shaped signet ring on your finger, remembering when Harrison's meticulous search had paid off almost 2 hours after you had initially lost the gold band and how Tom had made some cheesy remark when Harrison slipped it back onto your finger.

You were so delighted he'd found it that in your overwhelming excitement you'd thrown your arms around his neck in a tight hug and placed a kiss on his cheek, both of your faces tinted pink the whole walk home afterwards.

"Thanks by the way he would not shut up about that damned kiss for two months afterwards!" He chuckled, noticing your faint blush reappearing at the memory.

There was a pause as you collected your thoughts, sipping your tea silently while processing the memories and trying to connect any dots you may have missed from the past that may or may not be JUST In history, but perhaps also in the present.

"You know he only pretends to be bad at Mario Kart so he can watch you get all giddy and excited at beating him." Tom adds after a while, biting his lip after perhaps spilling a little too much information.

It was one thing to let slip that Harrison liked you years ago but it was another to hint at the fact that he possibly still did, and didn't want you to know about it.

"Okay that’s not true I'm great at Mario Kart!" You roll your eyes scoffing at his accusation.

"You suck at Mario Kart, why do you think I always beat you? And where do you think I learned all my skills from hm?" He raised his eyebrows at you, smirking at your slightly bewildered expression at all these new developments.

You didn't get a chance to rebut his claim because just as you opened your mouth footsteps came in quick succession up the front steps and the door swung open to reveal a very heavily rain soaked Harrison, shaking out his dripping wet curls in dog like fashion after slipping of his hood.

"Man it's raining cats and dogs out there!" He chimed in a faux American accent, slipping off his shoes and setting the groceries down on the kitchen counter.

"Just my luck, started up right as I stepped out of the shop." He continued when neither of you said anything at his return glancing between the two of you still standing a little ways from each other in the kitchen, your cheeks still tinged pink.

He pulled the uncomfortable hoodie from over his head, the t-shirt underneath sticking to it also and being pulled off with it letting out a sigh as he balled up the wet garments in his hand, still not entirely sure about the strange atmosphere he'd entered into.

"Have I missed something?" He questioned with a raised brow when STILL neither of you said anything and all you could do was fixate on the little droplets of water dripping periodically from Harrison's curls, making their way through the crevices of his glorious torso.

Tom snickered at your lingering gaze shaking his head as he finished off the last of his tea.

Harrison set his wet clothes down on the dining table and crossed his arms over his chest, eyes still shifting between the two of you curiously.

"Do you let me win at Mario kart?!" You blurted out when the silence started getting a little too thick.

"Really? That's the thing you choose to address first?" Tom laughed, rinsing his panda mug and shuffling past the two daft idiots standing in the kitchen staring at each other.

"What are you on about?" Harrison's perplexed tone answered back, glancing back at Tom's retreating form.

"Listen mate, this day has been a long time coming and you KNOW I suck at keeping secrets but might I just say I think I did a pretty good job considering I didn't breathe a word for six bloody years!"  

Tom grabbed a towel from the linen cupboard and darted into the bathroom, head re-emerging a moment later from behind the door frame with a: "You'll thank me later for my big mouth!"  

The water from the shower started up a moment after Tom closed the door and suddenly it was just you and a very shirtless Harrison left standing a little awkwardly together in the small kitchen area.

It felt even smaller when we was stood there looking like THAT.

Harrison's eyes met yours for a beat but you looked away, concentrating once more on the wayward water droplets traversing his skin, unable to look him in the eye.

"What's going on?" He murmured softly, trying to decide whether he should move towards you or keep his place in the door-frame.

"Tom, erm - Tom said, that you let me win at Mario Kart all the time and that you suck on purpose." You replied in a small voice, finally peering up at him through your lashes.

"I - I mean...maybe a little bit, sometimes?" He stuttered out, running a hand through the loose curls fallen on his forehead and biting his lip a little, bashful.

He was making it really difficult for you not to just kiss him right then and there.

"What else were you discussing before I interrupted? What did he mean by 'This has been a long time coming'?"

"Did you want some tea? You look awfully cold you should probably change into some dryer clothes." You grabbed Harrison's Avengers mug from the top cupboard and made your way back over to the kettle trying in vain to distract the confused object of your affections.

"No no no no no come on Y/n don't try to change the subject." He moved towards you, switching the kettle back off before it could make too much noise, taking a seat on the counter to face you, waiting patiently.

"Would you at least put a shirt on you're making ME cold just looking at you." You hug your arms around your middle, feeling self conscious and picking at stray pills of your jumper.

"Why am I distracting you?" He chuckled, throwing a cheeky wink your way and sitting up straight, tensing his muscles.

He was just joking but he couldn't help notice the slight tinge of colour gracing your cheek and the way your teeth gnawed unforgiving on your bottom lip.

This isn't fair. He should be the one feeling self conscious or a little nervous being half dressed and what not in front of you like this.

"Tom thinks - he told me that you used to like me." You let out, finally setting your eyes to his and not looking away. There. That should make him squirm a little, hopefully.

Harrison's face flushed as he was the one to avert his eyes this time, the back of his neck suddenly feeling very warm despite the cool raindrops still gracing his skin.

"You never said anything." You continued, carefully observing his now shifting form.

"Yeah well I - erm, I just always thought you might have seen me as a sort of brother you know, you - being friends with Tom first and all I didn't want to get in the way or make anything awkward."

"A brother?! God no Harrison I never ever thought of you that way Tom's always been like a big brother to me but y-you were the -"

"- The what?" He looked up hopefully, the crease in his brow still evident.

"The...’Cute best friend’?" You finished in a small voice, turning away to rinse your mug and making a beeline for the doorway, heading to the living room to tidy up all the stray pillows off the floor.

Harrison's face lit up into a huge shit eating grin heart beating wildly as he hopped off the counter, heading over to where you were very obviously pretending he wasn't an arms length away from you.

"Am I still?" He teased, taking a pillow from your hand and holding it up high out if your reach.

"Hm?" You offer in lieu of a response, playing dumb and reaching for the pillow but stumbling a little on your tip toes.

You swallow audibly after your hand pressed into his chest accidentally as he looks down at you catching your lower back to steady you.

"Am I still the ‘cute best friend’?" He whispers, grinning down at your shy form and tilting your chin up to look you in the eye.

"Cute...and....impossibly annoying." You finish, making a grab for the pillow after his hand had fallen a little in his distraction.

Suddenly you walloped him in the face with it laughing at his gobsmacked expression, trying to distract your thumping heart and nerves.

Harrison wasn't having it though so he grabbed the wet ball of clothes off the dining table from earlier and slowly crept towards you as you waited for the inevitable

"Don't you dare!" You pointed a finger at him menacingly with nowhere to escape to.

He captured you in a tight hug wrapping the wet hoodie around your frame and laughing gleefully at your yelps and small slaps of protest.

Resistance was futile though so you gave up with a sigh and rested your head against his chest listening to his heart rate pick up a little bit before he said his next words.

"You were the cute best friend for me too." He admitted, glancing down to your lips mere centimetres away.

"Am I still?" You mimicked his words from earlier unable to stop the corners of your mouth pulling into a wide smile.

He didn't answer, instead leaning down to press a swift kiss to you lips after you sucked in a quick breath.

"Does that answer your question?" He murmured, his eyes twinkling and a very pleased expression gracing his soft features.

"Hmm I'm not sure perhaps you should try-"

He cut off your witty remark, capturing your lips once more and this time you melted into the kiss all banter quickly vanishing from your thoughts as you reached up to play with his still wet curls, feeling the hoodie slip from his grip onto the floor so he could press you closer.

God you had waited far too long to do this you thought as he swiped his tongue along your lower lip, allowing the kiss to turn deeper.

You moaned a little as his tongue swiped over your own, the hand that wasn't toying with his damp locks tracing the definition of his toned stomach, fanning the fire that had started long go inside your chest.

"Still distracting you?" He murmured as he pulled away, his lips still brushing against your own as he spoke and a devilish smirk forming as his own hand found its way atop yours, pressing into his stomach.

"You're always distracting me." You continue pressing soft kisses to his lips unable to stop now that you knew what they felt like against your own.

"Is that so?" He chuckled, his hand on your back slipping underneath your jumper to feel the warmth of the skin beneath.

You sighed as you felt his fingers press firmly into you, his hand moving from the skin of your back to your hip as he continued to kiss you like his life depended on it.

A small gasp and a soft ‘ugh‘ fell from his lips as you raked your fingernails down his chest reveling in the feeling of being completely wrapped up in him.

The sound of a throat clearing somewhere in the distance brought you both out of your haze, bursting the bubble that had formed around you both.

You pulled away from each other at the noise and turned your heads toward the bathroom door, where Tom stood in clean pyjamas, toweling off his damp curls and giving you both the biggest self satisfied smirk you had ever seen on his boyish features.

"Oh man this is like the Sims 2 Pets all over again." Tom laughed, directing his shit eating grin to you as you buried your blushing face into Harrison's still gloriously bare chest.

Harrison sent a questioning look to Tom and then back down to you, confused as ever but laughing none the less at your sudden embarrassment, pressing his lips to your forehead then your warm cheek and finally back down to your lips, not a care in the world that Tom was now in the room.

"You're welcome!" Tom muttered under his breath, shaking his head at the admittedly adorable pair of divs in front of him.

Author’s Notes:

So there you go! Wow this is I think the first piece of writing i’ve actually started and compelted in literal years and I can’t believe it’s fanfiction between a real person and the reader but i’m gonna take it cause i’m a little proud of myself right now for accomplishing this one small thing. Anywho I hope you enjoyed this drabble turned very long One Shot and if i tagged you it’s ‘cause you liked or reblogged my original post/sneak preview of this fic! :)

@sleepwalkingdragon @hollandfieldluv @miraculousparker @would-you-tell-me-who-you-are @imwearingtomholland @soloriormora @kindbearqueen @claredolphinbear24 @ducky2542 @creativexdreamer @nachochitz @letstravelsunshine @the-divine-fxminine

[datheetjoella]

Home is Where You Are, Fic 10: One Hand

Author: DatHeetJoella Fandom: Free! Pairing: MakoHaru Rating: M Word Count: 3,945 Notes: Happy birthday @schnooglepuffs!! I hope you’re having an amazing day and I wish you a wonderful year. This fic is my little birthday gift for you, so I hope you like it! :)

Read at: AO3, FFn, or here!

Third lap, finish line in sight, currently in first place.

The odds were rarely in his favour, but despite it all, it seemed like Haruka would come out on top this time. His lead wasn't big, it never was, but he was so close that next to nothing could take away his win now. Spurred on by the hint of sweet, sweet victory that he could almost taste, Haruka leaned forward and held down the acceleration button harder like that would somehow make Daisy's bike move even faster.

This was it. Nothing could stop him now.

Except for a blue shell, that hit Daisy right before the finish, of course. And for the umpteenth time that night, the tune that signalled that the race had been won rang out, along with Luigi's overly familiar and frankly annoying cheering.

The CPUs were far enough behind them for him to finish second, but he didn't care about that at all because Makoto had come in first yet again.

"Yes."

Makoto's own soft cry of triumph was much smaller and far more endearing than his character's, but it didn't make Haruka feel any better. He liked to think that he usually wasn't a sore loser, but after such a good race and being so close to winning, the fact that he was sabotaged in the last second by a blue shell of all things irked him to no end. Why did those stupid things even exist?

Defeated in every sense of the word, Haruka loosened his wrist strap and put his controller down on the table with a huff. "I hate Shy Guy Beach."

"No you don't; you picked it," Makoto disputed, "You just hate blue shells."

Makoto was right. Shy Guy Beach was actually one of his best tracks, like all the other tracks that involved water in one way or another. Haruka had all the ingredients to success: the fastest character, the best vehicle, one of his favourite tracks that also happened to be one of Makoto's worst. The stars were aligned, yet the universe decided that none of it mattered and cursed him with a blue shell to lead Makoto to victory yet again.

He was done. He wasn't a sore loser, he told himself once more, but playing like this just wasn't fun.

"Well, except when they hit me," Makoto added as an afterthought, snorting lightly.

"They never hit you right before the finish line," Haruka grumbled, and much to his dismay, Makoto chuckled at his grouchiness.

"I guess I'm just lucky."

"This has nothing to do with luck." No, Makoto was just so much better than him. It wasn't like blue shells didn't generate when Makoto was in the lead and near the finish, but he always managed to get a small drift boost so that it wouldn't hit him until he had already won.

"It does," Makoto insisted, "We both know you should have actually won that race, and you would have if it weren't for that blue shell."

Even when it came to things as trivial as this, Makoto's gentle soul always wanted to console him. As nice as it was of him, Haruka didn't really need his solace right now. "And yet blue shells are a part of the game, so you won fair and square," Haruka concluded, doing his best to push these silly feelings aside, for it truly was just a game. A game that Makoto was infinitely better at.

A tender smile softened Makoto's handsome features. "It's not entirely fair, since I've had a lot more practice over the years than you had."

His words held a point of truth, but that wasn't all there was to it. While Makoto might have played this game more often than Haruka had, they had played together frequently enough for Haruka to be familiar with the mechanics and gameplay too; fact was that even if he practiced for hours every single day, he probably still wouldn't become as good at it as Makoto. And dedicating that much time to a video game just so that he could beat his boyfriend simply wasn't worth it. There were better ways to spend his free time, with said boyfriend for example.

The only other option was playing dirty, which he didn't like to resort to because Makoto never played dirty either. He would use all the items the game provided him with as strategically as possible, but he never purposely bumped Haruka off the road or into an obstacle. If that was the only way he could win, then Haruka would rather not win at all.

Not wanting him to sulk over a blue shell for too long, Makoto grabbed Haruka's controller and offered it to him. "Ready for a rematch?" he asked with a playful grin.

"And ruin your winning streak? I'd rather not."

"Oh come on, show those blue shells what you're made of," Makoto said as he teasingly nudged Haruka's chest with the Wii remote. "You can pick the course. Which one do you want? Koopa Cape?"

Despite everything, Haruka couldn't suppress a tiny smile at Makoto's efforts. It was just a game, he reminded himself, a fun activity to do together with his boyfriend. Right now, it was like Makoto was the only one who was having fun, so that had to change, hadn't it?

"I'll play some more," Haruka started, smirk fighting its way onto his face as he accepted the controller, "on one condition."

"And that is?"

"You get a handicap."

Never one to back down from a challenge, Makoto agreed without protest. "Alright," he replied, amusement playing at his lips as he pondered about what this handicap could be, "What is it? You get a five second head-start? I can't use items?"

Unfortunately for him, that wasn't quite what Haruka had in mind. His suggestions were good, but not good enough. That would be far too easy. "You can only use one hand."

Upon processing that request, Makoto's eyebrows twisted into a cute frown of confusion. "What?"

"You heard me," Haruka said as he bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from snorting at Makoto's adorable expression. "One hand."

"That's impossible! How am I even going to hold the remote?"

"I don't know, figure something out." His hands were pretty large so it shouldn't be too hard to hold it and press all the buttons, but he could also try to use his face or perhaps even his feet. Haruka might not have had much fun playing, but he was definitely going to enjoy watching Makoto struggle.

The incredulity that was painted on Makoto's face morphed into a sly grin when he read Haruka's true motivation in his eyes. "It's impossible for me to play Mario Kart with one hand," he muttered, his voice low and sultry, "but there's one game I'm great at, even with only one hand."

That tone didn't predict any good, and paired with the piercing gaze he was subjecting Haruka to, it was downright dangerous. Haruka swallowed thickly and braced himself for the worst as Makoto loomed closer.

"Want to know what this game is?" he questioned as he slipped the strap of his Wii remote off his wrist and put it on the table.

"No thanks. I can imagine," Haruka muttered as he leaned back further out of Makoto's way, discarding his remote as well - whatever Makoto was planning, he would probably need both hands to defend himself. He knew Makoto loved him with all his heart, but when it came to games, he was ruthless.

"Oh come on," Makoto said again, but it was far more taunting and alarming now. He raised his right hand in the air and wiggled his fingers menacingly.

There it was. Haruka hadn't expected his plan to backfire like this, but he wasn't about to fall victim to his own curse. He wouldn't surrender himself to Makoto without a battle.

In one swift motion, Makoto brought his hand down to Haruka's abdomen but Haruka was faster and dodged him. His back hit the floor, and while he might have survived his first attack, he had brought himself into a rather compromising position, that Makoto could easily exploit; as long as he only used one hand, any other body part was fair game and he could simply use his weight to pin him down.

Haruka had to think fast, and he brought his knees to his chest to give himself two more weapons. He planted his socked feet against Makoto's pecs while Makoto swooped down in an attempt to tickle him. The tips of his fingers grazed over Haruka's side, but it would take more than that to coax laughter out of him. He pushed Makoto back, but while he was able to increase the distance between their bodies, it took a great deal of power and his legs began to quiver under Makoto's weight.

"What, did you want to reenact Nagisa and Rei's video?" Makoto questioned innocently, raising his upturned eyebrows in feigned surprise.

The mention of that video gave Haruka mental images that were pretty funny, but he had to pull through. He couldn't huff or laugh or else his grip might falter, and that was exactly what Makoto wanted. He wouldn't fall for Makoto's trap.

When Haruka didn't waver, Makoto simply shrugged. "Alright," he complied as he relaxed the muscles of his torso and pressed back against Haruka's feet to make it even heavier for him. "If that's what you want."

Haruka clicked his tongue and gritted his teeth as he did his best to hold on for just a tad longer. His legs were strong and he knew how to use them properly, to push off the wall and propel his body forward through the water, but now they were met with far more resistance. If so desired, Makoto could effortlessly shove his legs out of the way to get to his target immediately, but the fact that he wasn't meant that he enjoyed their current position a little too much. To slowly wear out Haruka's strength, so that his victory would be that much sweeter. Makoto truly was a monster when it came to games.

Though Haruka loved everything about Makoto's body, he couldn't deny that their size difference made things more difficult for him in situations like these. When it came to sheer power, Haruka could never win from Makoto, but their size difference wasn't all bad; he should always try to find a way to turn his weaknesses into strength. Makoto might have had his bulk, but Haruka was far more agile and supple than he was, and he could definitely use that to his advantage now.

So with Makoto's chest as leverage, he pushed himself away from him like he was the edge of the pool and he clambered backwards on his hands. Makoto instinctively caught one of his ankles to prevent him from escaping. Coincidentally, this happened to not only keep Haruka close, but it simultaneously provided him access to one of the best tickling-spots. Winning this game would be a piece of cake like this.

"Uh-uh!" Haruka yelled, feeling like his dear boyfriend could use a reminder of the rules of this particular game, "One hand."

Realising his mistake, Makoto released his hold and Haruka didn't waste any time before he backed up further, wanting to crawl around the coffee table to use it as a shield.

Alas, Haruka might have been more nimble, but Makoto was still faster than him. He reclaimed his grip on Haruka's ankle and tugged him downwards so his back was on the floor again. Then he instantly let go in favour of wiggling his fingers threateningly as he slowly lowered his hand towards Haruka's belly.

Pure amusement and glee twinkled in Makoto's gorgeous eyes, but Haruka wouldn't let that mesmerizing gaze enchant and distract him. Biting his lip to repress a giddy smile, Haruka aimed his foot at the edge of Makoto's shoulder in the hopes of knocking him off his balance so he could push himself up once more.

This wasn't what Haruka had in mind at all when he proposed for Makoto to have a handicap, but in one way or another, his goal was still accomplished; he was having a ton of fun, messing around with Makoto like this, probably more than he should have. It was alright, though, because Makoto was emitting nothing but joy as well.

While the kick to his shoulder did surprise Makoto and gave Haruka enough time to sit up, it also gave Makoto the upper hand in the fight. He simply shoved Haruka's leg away with the back of his forearm and inched closer so he was between Haruka's legs. With his back to the table and Makoto hovering over him, there was nowhere for Haruka to run.

"Checkmate, Haru-chan," Makoto murmured in a honeysweet and almost seductive voice. And then, without a second of hesitation, he began to mercilessly tickle Haruka.

Haruka took a deep breath and tensed his abs, wanting to hold out for as long as possible. Swatting Makoto's hand away wasn't quite effective when it seemed like Makoto's fingers teleported from one spot on his body to the next, like he was tickling him everywhere at once. He tried to roll from one side to the other, but covering up one area only meant exposing another, so that didn't help his case either. Makoto was right about this too; even with one hand, he was a tickling-master - Haruka wasn't sure if he should blame this on Ran and Ren, or pity them for it.

At last, he could no longer avoid the inevitable. A soft snort broke out of the back of his throat, and it was soon followed by loud laughter.

A triumphant grin stretched Makoto's cheeks upon hearing Haruka's defeat; his laughter was a sound that always made Makoto smile because of its beauty, but the reason behind it made it even better this time.

"I told you-" Haruka managed to get out between giggles, "to stop with the -chan!"

"What's that, Haru-chan?"

Makoto was enjoying this a bit too much for Haruka's liking. He was going to get back at him for this, but first he had to get himself out of this situation. Tears were welling up in his eyes, and that was a sign that this had gone on for far too long already.

So Haruka began to squirm wildly, using all of his limbs to fight back against this agonising torture. He jerked backwards as his attempts to kick Makoto away from him were in vain. A hollow thud sounded out as Haruka hit the back of his head on the wooden surface of the table.

"Ow!" he groaned as he clutched his head in his palms, curling up into himself as pain spread through his skull in dull shocks.

Instantly Makoto withdrew his hand and the mischievous grin was wiped off his face to be replaced with genuine concern. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry! Are you alright?"

"No," Haruka scoffed in annoyance.

"I'm so sorry," Makoto repeated, and unlike all the times he apologised for adding '-chan' to his name, this time it was filled with sincere remorse. "Let me see," he murmured as he pried Haruka's hands away to check the damage.

Although his mood had dropped considerably, Haruka allowed Makoto to do as he pleased.

"I can't see anything, but it's probably going to be a bump," Makoto muttered as he lightly ran his fingers through his black locks and over his scalp. Then he leaned in and pressed a series of soft kisses against the offended area.

"I'm not five years old, Makoto," Haruka sneered in response, "you can't kiss it better." His head already hurt enough from hitting it, and Makoto buzzing around him like this certainly wasn't helping.

"I know! I just… I'm sorry," Makoto sighed as he pulled back, "I just wanted to tease you a little, but I never meant for you to get hurt. Sorry."

Regret immediately flooded Haruka's senses when he peered up at Makoto. He looked like a lost, forsaken puppy with large sad eyes and his tail between his legs, which made Haruka the owner who had abandoned him. Of course it was never Makoto's intention for him to get hurt, and yet here he was acting like he did it on purpose.

"I know," Haruka said, voice a lot gentler now, "I'm sorry too."

"You don't have to apologise. It's my fault: if I hadn't started to tickle you then-"

"It's not your fault," Haruka interrupted as he grabbed his hand, "If anyone is to blame, it's me, cause I started it. There was no reason for me to lash out to you like that when you only meant well. So I'm sorry."

"It's alright," Makoto assured, "It was a normal reaction. It hurts a lot, doesn't it?" With his free hand, Makoto reached down to Haruka's face to catch a stray tear that was gliding over his cheek.

"Oh, this is not from that," Haruka mumbled as he lifted his own hand to wipe his cheeks. "It's from earlier."

"Still," Makoto insisted as he carded his hand through Haruka's hair again, over his soon-to-be bruise, "I'll get you some aspirin."

He was about to get up to do as he promised, but Haruka pulled him back to the floor. Releasing his hand, Haruka grasped the collar of Makoto's shirt with both hands, tugging him down to meet his lips. The kiss was chaste, but it expressed both gratitude and amends, and of course the love that was ever-present between them.

After a moment he ended their kiss to look at Makoto's face. "It's fine," he murmured, and he let go of Makoto's shirt in favour of wrapping his arms around Makoto's neck, "It doesn't hurt that much; the pain is already fading."

"I'm glad," Makoto said, knowing that Haruka was being honest, "It sounded so painful and I felt so bad, it really wasn't my intention to-"

Having had enough of Makoto's rambled apologies, Haruka cut him off by yanking him down into another kiss. A small noise of astonishment slipped out of Makoto's throat before he melted against Haruka's lips. He reached down to cup Haruka's cheeks as Haruka deepened the kiss. It might have come as a surprise, but Haruka knew Makoto would never object to indulging himself in his affection.

When their lips parted, Makoto gazed down into the ocean of Haruka's irises and gently nuzzled his nose with his. Of all the ways to express his feelings, this was certainly the most adorable one and it never failed to make Haruka smile in fondness.

"I was wrong," he whispered, maintaining their eye-contact as he tangled his fingers in the strands of hair at the base of Makoto's neck, "Maybe you can actually kiss it better."

Makoto smiled at that. "Well, it doesn't hurt to try," he reasoned with an excited grin, and he didn't waste another second before leaning in for another deep and sensual kiss.

A familiar fire was ignited in Haruka's lower belly. As the minutes ticked by and their lips met again and again, it began to burn brighter and Haruka ran his hands over Makoto's back, under his shirt in a need to feel his bare skin.

Judging by the careful roughness that slipped into Makoto's kisses and the way his hands began to roam over his torso, Haruka could tell that the hunger he felt was very much shared. His breathing got heavier and his heartbeat accelerated as he tried to pull Makoto's body closer, so no more distance would separate them.

Contrary to what he wanted, Makoto broke the passionate kiss. Haruka wanted to complain, but before he could get a single word out, he was captivated by the lust that was swimming in Makoto's eyes. That gorgeous green told him that the desire for more was entirely mutual, yet Makoto wasn't one to rush into anything and liked to drag some things out a little. Good things take time, was what he would say, and depending on Haruka's particular mood, this could both be a blessing and a curse.

This time, it appeared to be a blessing. "Besides kissing it better," he started, slowly stroking his fingertips over Haruka's side. The touch was so light that it made goosebumps erupt and his skin tingled in the wake of Makoto's blunt nails. Haruka held his breath as he waited for Makoto to continue. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

The husky tone of his beautiful voice sounded like pure sex to Haruka's ears and hearing that low whisper made him even more aroused. Now this was a game he wouldn't mind delving deeper into.

"You know, I've heard that orgasms are a great painkiller," Haruka stated, biting his bottom lip in anticipation because he knew Makoto liked that while he gently circled his thumb around Makoto's nipple, "But first, please turn off the Wii." Without Makoto's touch and kisses to drown out all white noise, the music was really getting annoying. It wasn't quite suitable background music for what was about to go down, and he'd rather not have the mood be ruined halfway through by the memory of blue shells coming to haunt him.

Makoto did as he was told right away. Within an instance of pressing the button, the music died out and the room fell silent, with the exception of their breathing and their hearts beating in sync.

"You know," Makoto said, sitting up between Haruka's legs while he ran his hands over Haruka's thighs, "I happen to know this game that doesn't require any hands."

Haruka definitely liked where this was going. "And, are you good at this game?"

"I think I am…" Makoto leaned closer until his mouth was only an inch away from Haruka's. "But why don't you be the judge of that."

Oh, Haruka was more than familiar with this game, and he took pride in the fact that he was the only one in the entire universe who could confirm that yes, Makoto was excellent at it. Probably even better than at Mario Kart - and he knew that this game was infinitely more fun. "Gladly."

That was all the permission Makoto needed before he closed the distance between them in a fervent kiss. Haruka's hands wandered over his torso and found their way to Makoto's ass. Using his grip for leverage, he thrust his hips against Makoto's in search for friction and to encourage him.

Makoto's mouth strayed from his lips to Haruka's neck, kissing and sucking at all of Haruka's most sensitive spots, lightly to not leave any marks yet prominent enough to make Haruka yearn for more. His hands trailed over Haruka's body once more, fingers seeking the hem of his pyjama pants to uncover Haruka's growing erection.

"Hey," Haruka panted, calling Makoto to attention and making him cease his endeavors. "I thought you said you could play this game with no hands."

The only response Makoto gave was a lustful grin before he moved his hands to caress Haruka's thighs again. Then he lowered his head to Haruka's crotch and sank his teeth into the hem, looking Haruka straight into the eyes as he pulled his pants down with his mouth.

The game had only just begun, but Haruka already knew that this was going to be his favourite game of the entire night.

Perhaps blue shells weren't so bad after all; not when they could lead to this.

[gaming-rabbot]

Salmon Run and Presentation

A (not so) brief dissertation on narrative framing in video games, featuring Splatoon 2

With the holidays in full swing, I took advantage of a deal one day when I went into town, and finally got my hands on Splatoon 2. Having loved the prior game as much as I did, waiting this long to get the sequel felt almost wrong. But like many another fellow meandering corpus of conscious flesh, I am made neither of time nor money.

Finally diving in, I figured I might take this excuse to remember that I write game reviews, sometimes. You know, when the tide is high, the moon blue, and the writer slightly less depressed. I ended up scrapping my first couple drafts, however. You see, a funny thing was happening; I kept veering back into talking about Salmon Run, the new optional game mode the sequel introduces.

Also I might look at the Octo Expansion later, on its own. After I get around to it…

Look, the base game already has a lot of content to explore, and as previously stated, I am sadly corporeal, and not strung together with the metaphysical concept of time itself.

My overall thoughts, however, proved brief, so I’ll try to keep this short.

(Mild spoilers coming along.)

Gameplay wise, I think the story mode is much improved upon by handing you different weapons for certain levels which were specifically built with them in mind. Whereas the prior game left you stuck with a variant of the starter splattershot all the way through. This keeps things interesting, pushes me outside of my comfort zone, and it’s a good way to make sure players will come from a well-informed place when deciding what weapon they want for multiplayer; which, let’s face it, is the real meat of these games and where most players are going to log the most time.

I also love the way bosses are introduced with the heavy drums and rhythmic chants and the dramatic light show. It endows the moment with a fantastic sense of gravitas, and manages to hype me up every time. Then the boss will have an aspect of their design which feels a bit silly or some how rather off, keeping the overall tone heavily grounded in the toony aesthetics the series already established for itself.

Narratively, I felt rather okay about the story aspect of Story Mode. The collectible pages in the levels still have a certain amount of world building, though this time it seems more skewed toward explaining what pop culture looks like in this world, such as, an allusion to this world’s equivalent to Instagram.

Cynical as it is…

That’s definitely still interesting in its own right, though perhaps it’s less of a revelatory gut-punch as slowly piecing it together that the game takes place in the post-apocalypse of Earth itself, and the inklings copied ancient human culture.

We still got some backstory for this game’s idol duo, though. And that, I appreciate. It means Pearl and Marina still feel like a part of this world, rather than seeming obligatory for the sake of familiarity, given the first game had an idol duo as well.

Meanwhile, perhaps it is a bit obvious that Marie’s cousin, Callie, has gone rogue, and that she is the mysterious entity cracking into the radio transmissions between her and Agent 4. If I recall correctly, that was a working theory that came about with the first trailer or two. That, or she had died.

As soon as Marie says aloud she wonders where Callie has gone, I knew right away. And that’s just in the introduction.

That said, on some level, after stomaching through certain other games and such that actively lie or withhold information to force an arbitrary plot twist for plot twist sake, it feels almost nice to go back to a narrative that actually bothers to foreshadow these things. Plus, having gotten already invested in Callie as a character from the first game, I still felt motivated to see the story through to find out why she went rogue. And, loving the Squid Sisters already, there was a hope in me that she could be redeemed, or at least understood. In terms of building off the prior game’s story, Splatoon 2 is moderately decent.

Also, I mean, c’mon. The big narrative drive might be a tad predictable, but hey, this game is for kids. It’s fine.

That, I think, is something I love the most about Splatoon. Despite feeling like you’re playing in a Saturday morning cartoon, and being aimed primarily at children, it doesn’t shy away from fairly heavy subjects. Such as the aforementioned fact that the humans are all long dead and you’re basically playing paintball in the ruins of their consumerist culture.

Which brings me to what fascinates me so much about Splatoon 2: the way in which Salmon Run is framed.

You see, on the surface, Salmon Run appears to be your typical horde mode; a cooperative team (typically comprised of randoms) fights off gaggles of foes as they take turns approaching their base in waves. Pretty standard for online shooters these days, as was modernly popularized by Gears of War 2, and Halo ODST.

I say “modernly,” as the notion of fighting enemies as they approach in waves is not exactly a new concept for mechanical goals within video games. Rather, the term itself, as applied to multiplayer shooters, “horde mode,” became a point of game discussion when Gears of War 2 introduced the new game mode by that same name back in… 2008?

No, no that can’t be right. I played Gears 2 back in high school (I had worse taste back then, okay?). Which, from my perspective, was basically yesterday. That game being ten years old would mean I myself am old now, and that just can’t be. I’m hip. I’m young.

I am, to stay on theme here, fresh.

But okay, existential crises and game talk terms aside, the writing team behind Splatoon 2 probably decided to absolutely flex when it came to the narrative surrounding Salmon Run. It is one of the most gleaming examples of the nontraditional things you can do with writing in video games, to really elevate the experience.

Let me explain.

You see, narrative in video games typically falls into one of two categories: either the story sits comfortably inside of the game, utilizing it like a vehicle to arrive at the destination that is its audience’s waiting eyes and ears. Or the narrative, on some level, exists rather nebulously, primarily to provide something resembling context for why the pixels look the way they do, and why the goals are what they are.

Not to say this is a binary state of existence for game writing; narrative will of course always provide context for characters, should there be any. It’s primarily older, or retro games that give you a pamphlet or brief intro with little in the way of worrying over character motivation, and the deeper philosophical implications of the plot, etc (though not for lack of trying). These would be your classic Mario Bros. and what have you, where the actual game part of the video game is nearly all there is to explore in the overall experience.

Then you have games like Hotline Miami that purposely sets up shop right in the middle to make a meta commentary about the state of game narrative, using the ideological endpoint of violent 80’s era action and revenge-fantasy genre film as inspiration and the starting point to draw comparison between the two. It’s bizarre, and I could drone on about this topic.

But I digress.

Despite falling into that latter category, that is to say having mainly just an introduction to the narrative context so you can get on with playing the game, Salmon Run is a stellar example of how you can make every bit of that context count (even if it does require the added context of the rest of the game, sort of, which I’ll explain, trust me).

First, a (very) brief explanation of how the game itself works, for the maybe three of you who haven’t played it yet.

A team of up to four inklings (and/or octolings) have a small island out in open waters. Salmonid enemies storm the beaches from various angles in waves. Each wave also comes with (at least) one of eight unique boss variants, who all drop three golden eggs upon defeat. Players are tasked with gathering a number of said golden eggs each round, for three rounds, after which their failure or success in doing so shows slow or fast progress towards in-game rewards.

And it’s all an allegory for the poor treatment of labor/workers, utilizing the fishing industry as both an example and a thematically appropriate analogue. Yes, I’m serious.

First, Salmon Run is not available through the main doors like the other multiplayer modes. Rather, it is off to the side, down a dingy looking alley. And when you’re shown its location, either because you finally entered the Inkopolis plaza for the first time, or because the mode has entered rotation again, Marina very expressly describes it as a job.

A job you should only do if you are absolutely, desperately hard strapped for cash. You know, the sort of job you turn to if, for one reason or another, you can’t find a better one.

An aside: technically, playing Salmon Run does not automatically net you in-game currency, with which to buy things, as regular multiplayer modes do. Rather, your “pay” is a gauge you fill by playing, which comes with reward drops at certain thresholds; some randomized gacha style capsules, and one specific piece of gear which gets advertised, to incentivize playing.

The capsules themselves drop actual paychecks in the form of aforementioned currency, or meal tickets to get temporary buffs that help you progress in the multiplayer faster via one way or another. Which, hey, you know, that helps you earn more money also. Working to get “paid,” so you can get things you want, though, still works perfectly for the metaphor it creates.

When I first saw it open up for rotation, I found out you had to be at least a level four to participate. Pretty par for the course, considering it’s the same deal with the gear shops. But, again, it’s all in the presentation; Mr. Grizz does not simply say something akin to the usual “you must be this tall to ride.” He says he cannot hire inexperienced inklings such as yourself, because it’s a legal liability.

After returning with three extra levels, I was handed off to basic, on-the-job training. Which is only offered after Mr. Grizz (not ever physically present, mind you, but communicating with you via radio), the head of Grizzco, uses fairly typical hard sell rhetoric when it comes to dangerous, or otherwise undesirable work: calls you kid, talks about shaping the future and making the world a better place, refers to new hires as “fresh young talent,” says you’ll be “a part of something bigger than yourself.” You know, the usual balancing act of flattery, with just the right amount of belittlement.

Whoa, hang on, sorry; just had a bad case of deja vu from when the recruiter that worked with the ROTC back in high school tried to get me to enlist… several times… Guess he saw the hippie glasses and long hair and figured I'd be a gratifying challenge.

The fisher imagery really kicks in when you play. Which, I figure a dev team working out of Japan might have a pretty decent frame of reference for that. A boat whisks you out to sea with your team, and everyone’s given a matching uniform involving a bright orange jumper, and rubber boots and gloves. If you've ever seen the viral video of the fisherman up to his waist in water telling you not to give up, you have a rough idea. Oh, and don't forget your official Grizzco trademark hats.

It’s on the job itself where a lot of what I'm talking about comes up the most; that is to say, despite buttering you up initially, Mr. Grizz shows his true colors pretty quickly. While playing, he seems to only be concerned with egg collecting, even when his employees are actively hurting. This is established and compounded by his dialogue prior to the intermediate training level, in which informs you about the various boss fish.

Before you can do anything remotely risky, even boss salmonid training, Mr. Grizz tells you he has to go over this 338 page workplace health and safety manual with you. But, oops, the new hire boat sounds the horn as you flip to page 1, so he sends you off unprepared. “Let’s just say you’ve read it,” he tells you, insisting that learning by doing is best.

This flagrant disregard employee safety, in the name of met quotas; the fact we never see Mr. Grizz face to face, making him this vague presence that presides over you, evaluating your stressed performance with condescension; that we are not simply given the rewards as we pass thresholds to earn them, having to instead speak with another, unknown npc for our pay… It all drives toward the point so well.

The icing on the cake for me is when a match ends. You, the player, are not asked if you’d like to go back into matchmaking for another fun round of playtime. Rather, you are asked if you would like to “work another shift.”

The pieces all fit so well together. I shouldn’t be surprised that, once a theme is chosen, Splatoon can stick to it like my hand to rubber cement that one time. It has already proven it can do that much for sure. But it’s just so… funny? It’s bitterly, cynically hilarious.

Bless the individual(s) who sat in front of their keyboard, staring at the early script drafts, and asked aloud if they were really about to turn Mr. Grizz into a projection of all the worst aspects of the awful bosses they’ve had to deal with in life. The answer to that question being “yes” has led to some of my favorite writing in a video game.

All of these thoughts, as they started forming in my skull, really began to bubble when I noticed Salmon Run shifts become available during my first Splatfest.

Splatfest is, to try and put it in realistic terms, basically a huge, celebratory sporting event. Participation nets you a free commemorative t-shirt and access to a pumping concert featuring some of the hottest artists currently gracing the Inkopolis charts.

The idea, the notion, that a hip young inkling (or octoling) might miss out on one of the biggest parties of the year because they need money more than they need fun? It’s downright depressing.

It got me thinking. I looked at my fellow egg collectors. In-universe, we were a bunch of teen-to-young-adult aged denizens missing out on all the fun because we desperately needed the cash. We became stressed together, overworked together, yelled at by our boss together. But in those sweetest victories, where we’d far surpassed our quota? We celebrated together.

Spam-crouching, and mashing the taunt, something changed. I felt a greater sense of comradery with these squids and octos than I did in nearly any other coop game. And it’s all thanks to the rhetorical framing of the game mode.

It accomplishes so many things. It’s world building which wholistically immerses you in the setting. But mainly, its dedication to highly specific word choice does exactly what I mentioned earlier: it elevates the experience to one I could really sit down and think about, rather than use to while away the hours, then move on to something else. So many games make horde modes that feel inconsequential like that; it’s just for fun.

There’s nothing wrong with fun being the only mission statement for a game, or an optional mode of play. But this is exactly what I mean when I say this is the nontraditional writing games can do so much more with. And Splatoon 2 saw that opportunity, and took it. And what a fantastic example of bittersweet, cold reality, in this, a bright, colorful game meant mainly for children…

Happy Holidays, everyone!

[dragonkeeper19600]

New Mario Movie: Plot Prediction (Part 1)

Yo, folks!

As you may recall, around six months ago, we received word that a new Mario movie was in development over at Illumination Studios.

I’m pretty optimistic about this movie, but I feel like I might be in the minority here. Yes, Minions are oversaturated, but it’s not like Illumination makes bad films. The Despicable Me movies do so well not just because of Minions but because they’re genuinely funny and fun. All of Illumination’s work is gorgeously animated, even the stuff that doesn’t do well, and I feel like their fun and bouncy animation style suits Mario pretty well. I feel like the Mario characters may end up looking and moving like they do in Mario + Rabbids, which had a more fluid and expressive style than Nintendo’s usual cutscenes. 

But, a lot of you may be wondering, as I am, what the plot of this movie will be. Mario games, with a few exceptions, tend to be light on plot, at the request of Shigeru Miyamoto himself, who thinks games are at their best when they’re light on story. It was also Miyamoto who approached Illumination for a Mario movie and is producing the film, so presumably he’s not against a story with Mario, just a story in a Mario game. 

Well, I’ve given in a lot of thought (more than I probably should), and I’ve come with a story that might work as an animated film. The story below may have no similarity at all with the actual plot of the actual film, but at this point in development, I have just as much a clue as anybody else what that film will be like.

This is the first of several parts, so please bear with me:

Right, so, in my mind, this movie will be in a separate continuity from the games. Whether or not a whole AU will branch off from the movie depends on if the movie is successful enough to get sequels, which, to be honest, it probably will be. 

As such, the film, will serve as an introduction to the Mario world and characters to attract movie goers who have never touched a video game. So, this will be a retelling of Mario’s first adventure. However, simply adapting the first Super Mario Bros. will not work. Traveling from world to world fighting silent monsters only to get cockblocked by seven Toads does not a movie make.

Instead, they’ll have to come up with something more dramatic for Mario’s first rescue.

But, first, we open with a prologue that goes something like this:

Once upon a time, there were two neighboring kingdoms.

A kingdom of light

and a kingdom of darkness.

The kingdom of darkness was a place of smoke and fire and fearsome monsters. But, the kingdom of light was blessed by the goodness of their ruler and the power of the stars.

You see, whenever the denizens of the kingdom performed an act of kindness, selflessness, or goodwill, a star would appear. And the people were so good to each other that there was never a short supply of stars. 

The people of the Mushroom Kingdom used these stars as a source of power. The stars were powerful enough to keep the lights on at night, their homes warm in winter, their appliances running smoothly. Everyone in the Mushroom Kingdom lived comfortably because of the stars.

But the neighboring kingdom, sadly, was not so blessed. No matter how kind or good anybody was to anybody else, no stars would appear. And so, the people of the kingdom lived in darkness.

The fearsome ruler of the kingdom of darkness envied the light of the neighboring kingdom.

“Light,” we are to understand, refers both to the stars and to the fair princess.

So, he decided to take them both for himself. 

The film proper opens with Bowser’s forces invading Peach’s Castle.

Oh, yes, that’s how we’re starting.

Because there’s no hero to stop them, you see. 

So, a couple of Toads are up on the battlements, patrolling idly, asking about baseball scores

WHEN SUDDENLY the air becomes smoky and ashy. The smell is horrible.

They cough and cover their faces. “What is that smell?”

A shadow falls. They look up and see Bowser’s airship hovering just overhead. 

Without any power stars, it runs on coal, and a huge plume of black smoke rises behind it. Monsters begin to drop from above onto the castle. Fly Guys dropping Goombas, Lakitus dropping Spinies, Paratroopas dropping themselves. The scene turns to chaos within seconds.

The Toads on the roof are swatted aside like flies. But a few manage to get inside and sound the alarm.

The scene that follows is not unlike the opening of Mario Galaxy, except it in the castle, rather than outdoors. Toads fight valiantly against the onslaught of monsters. What’s more, the Toads receive assistance from the power stars.

When a Toad protects another in battle or takes a risk, a star appears, and he grabs it for a power boost, giving him an edge against the monsters.

However, the power of the star soon fades, and even with the stars, the Toads aren’t battle-ready enough to stop the invaders.

Joining the battle is none other than the princess herself, aglow with star power (tee hee!)

But as soon as her star wears off, Toadsworth pulls her aside.

He tells her to wait in a hidden compartment in the wall, where she’ll be safe. 

Peach is reluctant, but Toadsworth half-convinces, half-shoves her into compliance. 

Not long after Peach hides, the battle is brought to a halt with the Boos appear and use their powers to rust through the bolt holding the door outside shut.  

And that thing flies off its hinges. 

The Toads cower as Bowser himself steps into the room

Preceded by Kamek, who’s in this movie, too.

Bowser grabs Toadsworth and demands that he tell him where the princess is.

Toadsworth claims that Peach has already fled the castle, but Bowser’s not convinced. 

“What kind of ruler turns and runs while her people fight?

“You calling Peach a chicken?”

Bowser’s about to sauté Toadsworth right there in front of everybody when someone yells, “STOP!”

Bowser turns and sees Peach herself.

“I’m right here, Bowser.”

Bowser is all simpering smiles as he drops Toadsworth like seven feet to the ground. 

“Princess, look at you!

“Lovely as ever, I see~!”

Peach ignores him and runs over to Toadsworth. 

“Princess, what are you doing out here?”

Peach: “Bowser, please don’t hurt them anymore.

“I’ll go with you. Just leave them alone.”

Bowser is thrilled. “You mean it?”

Peach: “I’ll go wherever you want. All I ask is that no harm comes to my citizens.”

The Toads are frantic. “No, Princess! Don’t leave us!” 

Toadsworth is the most heartbroken of them all. 

“Princess, you can’t!”

Peach helps Toadsworth to his feet and whispers.

“Toadsworth, I need to take care of everyone while I’m away. Promise me.

“And, Toadsworth, find someone who can help us.

“I’m counting on you!”

At this moment, two Hammer Bros. grab Peach and physically drag her away from Toadsworth, onto the airship parked outside.

A star float behind her in her wake, created by her choice to sacrifice herself. 

That star is clenched in Bowser’s fist.

“Finally. Everything is mine!”

Toadsworth is still defiant. 

“You're not my ruler or any of ours!

“This kingdom belongs to Princess Peach!”

Bowser: “Yeah, but see, Peach belongs to me. 

“Funny how that works out.

“This is your own fault, you know. 

“None of you weaklings were tough enough to save her. 

“You twerps don’t get to decide anything. I do. 

“And nobody can save you.”

Cut, that same night, to the home of the Mario Bros.

The phone is ringing, and Mario is asleep.

I mean, mouth open, drool on pillow, covers kicked off the bed ASLEEP.

The phone rings four times, goes silent, then starts ringing again.

So Mario has no choice but to get up.

He blearily gets up, moves past Luigi on the bottom bunk, who has not stirred at all, by the way, and answers the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Mario Bros. Plumbing?”

Mario and Luigi run a plumbing service in the Metro Kingdom. They barely make enough to get by.

Mario apologizes. We don’t take business calls before eight am... which is four hours from now.

The woman on the other line insists its an emergency. 

Mario can hear water running over the phone. Wait, what’s going on?

It turns out the woman is standing in her kitchen up to her waist in water. The sink is spraying like a Super Soaker. 

Mario gently suggests she try shutting off the water.

She insists that she did, but the handle on the faucet twisted off in her hand. 

Mario attempts to clarify. “No, not the sink, I mean-”

But then thinks better of it. “On second thought, we’ll be right there. What’s your address again?”

Thus begins the long process of getting Luigi out of bed. Mario resorts to dragging Luigi out by his ankle. His face drags on the floor.

Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen.

It’s still dark when the Bros. arrive in their van at the woman’s house. 

The job is a real drag, not just because the Bros. are walking around in water almost to their shoulders and have to bail out with the house with buckets before they can work on the sink

But also because the woman herself is an absolute nightmare. 

She frequently berates them for working too slow, watches them like a hawk out of paranoia that they’ll steal something, and weirdest of all, seems to object very strongly to them speaking Italian. 

Even when they’re just speaking to each other about the sink.

“Don’t you know, English?” she asks.

Mario dearly wants to say, “Of course I do. Did you not hear me speaking English on the phone with you at four am this morning?”

But, of course, he can’t say that, so he just apologizes and whispers to Luigi: “English.” 

Which leads to an awkward moment when Luigi can’t remember the English word for a chiave, 

So he asks Mario for a “swish-swish!” while awkwardly pantomiming.

By the time the job is done, the sun is up. Both boys are sitting in the van completely soaked. Their hats are still dripping and everything.

They both look incredibly exhausted.

Mario, a little punchy: “Hey, Luigi,

“You think people would like us better if we were buttons?”

Luigi has no idea what Mario is talking about. 

“You’re driving. Don’t fall asleep yet, bro.”

“You know, if we were like buttons. All you had to do was push us and the sink was fixed. It seems like people would be happier if they didn’t have to deal with us talking or thinking or whatever. Just push the button and we go.” 

Luigi shrugs. They’re little guys. People don’t care about them. He’s used to that.

Luigi is asleep by the time the van pulls back up to their house. Mario looks down at his brother and wishes he could give him more.

To be continued...

[mbtinsanity-blog]

Alright folks, it's time for a good old-fashion MBTI rant, you ready? OKAY HERE WE GO LET'S GET STARTED

So Vox put out a video who knows how long ago about how the MBTI personality test is pretty much inaccurate half the time, the theory formulators (mother Briggs and daughter Briggs Myers expanding on Carl Jung's ideas) had no formal training in psychology or cognitive behavior, the system doesn't really fit everyone, people shouldn't use the system to gage someone's professional success, and the whole thing is totally useless astrology-esque Forer Effect nonsense and should only be used for entertainment purposes.

Where do I even start here.

So first of all, they're right, your Myers Briggs personality type should absolutely not be an indicator of your professional success or leadership skills, nor should it pigeon-hole you into any particular job or role. Companies that use MBTI this way are companies I'd be skeptical of using sound practices in their organization and categorization of employees.

The thing is, there is waaay more to people than their personality type. Trying to fit someone into a "suitable" role based on the way they think, feel, and take in information is ignoring what people actually want to do or enjoy doing, which is significant data when you're trying to get someone to do a job. Just because you might be really really good at crafting/outfit-making because the way you think and interact with your environment + the culmination of your life experiences has given you the tools you need to be good at it DOES NOT mean you want to start up your own crafting business or that you want to go into fashion. It just doesn't. Yes, that's a real life example for an ENTJ in case anyone was wondering, and that also doesn't mean all ENTJs would be good at crafting or fashion design. Crafting and fashion design are activities that can play to an ENTJ's strengths (like Te, Ni, and Se), but you still need skill, experience, tools, knowledge, and interest to do them.

That said, you CAN use someone's Myers Briggs personality type to predict what they might be good at. I was playing Mario Party with a bunch of new friends and I go in knowing that my Te sucks, I have none of it, but I instantly recognized one of my friends was a Te user when we paired up for a Te-oriented mini game I'd never played before. So what did I do? I instructed him do most of the Te work and we totally owned it! Recognizing what cognitive functions people are good at does help predict what kind of tasks someone might be good (or bad) at, which is useful for anything from knowing your own personal strengths/weaknesses to effectively structuring teamwork. Even so, it's really important to consider what tasks people want to do. I know an ENFJ who is really flippin' good at math, but she also hates it. Her propensity for math might not have anything to do with her type, and her hatred for it isn't an inherent ENFJ quality either, so you can't just say "hm, well because you're an ENFJ, you must be good/terrible at math so you should/shouldn't go into a math-oriented field", we can only guess. Trying it out is really where you get to discover it for yourself! And even if you're terrible at math, that doesn't mean you can't get better at it, practice, and go into a field that uses it. You can do whatever you want to do, regardless of your type.

Once more for the people in the back: YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO, REGARDLESS OF YOUR TYPE

Okay so back to why this Vox video pissed me off. First of all, it implicitly discredits the founders, Briggs and her daughter, by stating they had no background in psychology. What's that smell you say? Why I do declare it's the pungent aroma of logical fallacy Appeal to Authority, or at least it's antithesis. What actually makes a scientist a scientist? Someone who performs GOOD SCIENCE. I cannot tell you how many "scientists" there are out there with degrees in their field of specialty who didn't practice good science. Meanwhile, people without degrees (I dunno like pea-counting geneticist Gregor Mendel and legit so many other major contributors to science without degrees in their field of contribution) who have been taught scientific principles and appropriately used them are way more scientifically legitimate to me. One scientific principle is observation, and when it comes to psychology, observation is especially key! Who cares if Briggs and her daughter didn't have the scientific background, you don't need it to be a good scientist and make legitimate observations. On top of that, they came up with a testable system, which even in fields like biology and chemistry can be challenging to develop, but in psychology it is especially not easy. So trying to discredit people’s science and their systems based on professional qualifications? Yeah no, not having it. Let’s keep going with that train of thought for a sec and touch on their feelings about astrology. Now I’ve always called myself a “sucker” for astrology, acknowledging that the descriptors do tend to be both positive and appealingly general enough to ascribe a feeling of accuracy to your specified type that isn’t based on anything real (i.e. this is the Barnum or Forer Effect). But let’s challenge that for a moment, shall we? Surely from a scientific perspective there’s no way to support astrology as being a legitimate system, right? But the answer is a little more nuanced than “astrology is illegitimate”. Astrology doesn’t have any logical basis for the associations of its types with the alignment of the stars when someone was born, but what it does have is twelve distinct and cohesive personality types.  It is not inconceivable that someone out there observed various people over time and generated 12 different personality types based on the month in which someone was born by recognizing patterns in people and then assigning those patterns to individual personalities. I’m not saying these personalities were formed with “good scientific observation,” but the system isn’t as far-fetched as it might otherwise seem. Even if it’s not a good system, it’s still worth considering seriously as a system before brushing it off as total nonsense as many are inclined to do. To do so without investigation would not, in fact, be considered “good science”. So what about the idea that MBTI doesn’t fit everyone? Well, that’s kind of the point of testing the system, isn’t it? Not everyone has to fit the system for the system to be useful, but also I personally have yet to come across someone who doesn’t possess at least one of the suggested eight cognitive functions. Maybe MBTI doesn’t work the way the system currently says it works, which is why we can modify the system if the system doesn’t hold true. Theories are flexible and subject to change! If the system “doesn’t fit,” maybe it’s not a good system or maybe that’s okay and it’s still useful. Myers Briggs has wider applications than pure entertainment, and suggesting otherwise is being narrow-minded to the scope of the system. MBTI gives us a way to talk about human cognitive processes in an accessible way.  Being able to describe some of the reasons why people get along or don’t get along and how you can improve relationships is 200% useful information that we should not just discard as flimsy entertainment.  Even if a system seems ridiculous, take it seriously and then explain your reasons for why it isn’t cohesive. Be better, Vox. Be better.

[darkcloud-kcalifornia]

Well this week is going to be all kinds of horrible.  Oh sure, it’s nice to get together with family and feast at Thanksgiving.  Buuuuuut I work in a grocery store, which means the days leading up to Thanksgiving are going to be full of frantic people lined from one end to the other trying to get ready and then coming back the next hour/day because they forgot something.  This week is going to be hectic and loud and aggravating.  So.  How about some Mario before things go down?

 The live action portion this time around is “Do You Believe In Magic?”  Word is out on whether that refers to spells and rituals or the contents of a young girl’s heart (though I’m pretty sure that’s just blood and muscle tissue).  Oh, apparently it’s referring to “Magic” Johnson.  Don’t ask me who that is, I couldn’t care less about pro sports. Which means this is a pointless celebrity shill episode.  Wee. Anyway his old high school trophy is dented and he wants a repair job.  Luigi agrees and goes searching for a repair manual.  While he’s out Mario comes home and not knowing what all the junk on the table is tosses it all in the furnace.  I wonder what the laws regarding trash burning in Brooklyn were like back then?  Anyway, after the cartoon they have to frantically try and beat the now partially melted and thoroughly crushed piece of metal back into shape.  Luigi actually succeeds in remaking a player of the year trophy… but Johnson calls him out on having brought them his bowling trophy. But it turns out it wasn’t destroyed after all, just stewing in marinara, which managed to make it all nice and shiny again.

 The animated segment is “Pirates of Koopa”.  You know, considering how many Dry Bones Mario has taken on over the years and how many ghosts Luigi has busted they would probably do pretty well confronted by the weird stuff in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.  Er, getting off topic.  Anyway, Mario and the others get jobs on a ship to pay for their passage back to the Mushroom Kingdom, as all the actual sailors have been scared off by Blackbeard Koopa.  Who sadly does not have a beard when he shows up to attack.  Seriously, not even a bad looking fake one.  I call shenanigans on him calling himself Blackbeard while clean shaven.  I don’t care if he isn’t a mammal.  There are standards, sir.  Still, I will give Koopa credit, he is tough enough to take a bomb-omb to the face. Not many who can say that.  And hey, we actually get an instance of Toadstool defeating a Koopa Troopa by jumping on them and then grabbing the shell and chucking it.  But eventually they just end the fight in a way that leaves one with the distinct impression of a missing scene or two.  Now that’s just lazy writing.  Though I do approve of Koopa countering Toadstool’s argument that he agreed to leave the others alone if she went willingly with the fact that he had to send his men to fight and capture her (which must have happened in that missing scene), and thus it was not willing.  Rules-lawyer pirates are always fun.  Plus, you know, the entire point of presenting those kinds of terms of surrender is making it so you don’t have to spend the ammunition and manpower that Toadstool made him spend.  She really doesn’t have a leg to stand on here.  Anyway, Koopa’s ship pulls up to a wretched hive of scum and villainy, where he plans on selling her to the highest bidder.  Meanwhile Mario and the rest escape from their bonds on their sinking ship by Mario using one of the cartoon stars circling above their captain’s parrots head after it bonks it as a Starman to power up.  What.  Um, anyway the powerup runs out before they reach the port, so they have to disguise themselves to sneak in.  Luigi manages to win the auction by bidding one billion gold coins for Toadstool (and Koopa at the time was only asking for a million).  But after Toad sneaks over to rescue the Princess while Koopa counts his gold they get discovered and have to make a break for it, leading to a fight scene with entirely inappropriate music.  I mean seriously, you have no idea if you don’t watch this thing.  I guess I can best describe it as low key “goofy” background sound effects with a couple of notes here and there.  This is the kind of screw up that should result in lost jobs.  It completely ruined the scene.  And then Koopa is beaten in battle off-screen and sent flying as the Marios commandeer his ship.

 This one was pretty bad. I mean the live action segment was just typical cameo fare, nothing new there.  But the cartoon?  That one hurt.  Because there were several things there that could have been good if they’d actually finished the episode.  But between a beardless Blackbeard, two fight scenes without conclusions, and the sound department obviously asleep at the wheel you could just feel the fun potential of this episode die an agonizingly painful death.

 Lesson of the day:

Apparently this show didn’t just predict future Mario memes.  It also predicted the weird trend of people trying to figure out other stuff they could make pasta out of.  And yes, I know gnocchi is a thing, but that ain’t gnocchi, that’s just potato spaghetti.

[adrianaperu-blog]

Week 18 conversation in the cathedral by Mario Vargas Llosa. Word count:689. Pages: 376 -436

Summary: As of the story continues that Santiago's father is in trouble but not with the case of the muse but more in his financial political life that they try to expose his actions being a traitor to the ministry but when discovered he tried to do everything he could to make it right with the government and say sorry what his other partner was fleeing the country and don Cayo was doing everything he could to put everything at the place since he was the only one that could fix it in his own mind since everyone was in trouble with the law. Then Amelia story was brought up again where she was already working a very long time with Señora Hortensia who has been up-and-down since the leave of don Cayo. The money was falling in meant weren't coming in as much anymore her profit was going down so much that she had to let go of a few people she was going crazy and worried about her financial situation she started working again at the club by singing but it never last too long. Soon then started coming in and she got some more money to pay but it wasn't enough. One morning Amelia found a young very handsome man coming from the bedroom and everything was going good supposedly but turns out he was wiping Señora Hortensia's money away from her and using her. Amelia would go to Ambrosio every weekend on Sunday but he started to distance himself when he found out that Amelia was pregnant. The visits were getting shorter and Amelia was getting more worried about senior to Hortensia since every man was in her life after Don Cayo has ruined her and she has tried to commit suicide about twice. After Amelia gave birth to a healthy baby girl Ambrosio told Amelia to meet him at the train station so they can leave since everything with Señora Hortensia was getting worse and she has a new mother didn't need it. Critical analysis: As always Mario Vargas Llosa does an exemplary job at using his writing skills to allow the reader to strategies for reading between the lines to understand more in depth of the book. Not just by understanding it but also feeling the emotions of the characters and relating to them. For example the use of irony. “she let herself fall against him… her face on his chest.” I only occurs when the outcome is the opposite of what a character intended to happen. This situation is ironic because Amelia intended to tell Ambrosio to go away and to never come back to leave her in the baby alone but instead when she sees him she falls right into his arms because she's emotional and needs the comfort of him. Next is predicting outcomes using foreshadowing. “She killed herself again.” I believe that based on the fact that she tried to kill herself, senora Hortensia will have something to do with her own death and then that it wasn't an accident or murder that will be explained later on. Personal thought: I was excited when I realized it was going to be a chapter on Amelia’s in the really like her story but I’m very confused since it does mention that Señora Hortensia ry to kill herself twice and has a lot a weird man in her life because it is mentioned that she is murdered later on so just wondering who were maybe it was stage door what happen I made her die that way and also Amelia as far as a ride up is running away with Ambrosio but in the beginning of the story and ambrosio doesn’t mention anything about Amelia so I don’t know what is happening between them but I’m curious because I really do like their love story going on it’s not the best one but it is a romantic story which I do find myself entertained by. I know the next chapter is going to be about politics for which I don’t mind but it is more confusing storyline so it’s okay but can’t wait for the next part in Amalia part.

[moschinoumbrella]

Wholesale Cell Moschino Cell phone Circumstances

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[gman-003]

From the Archives: The Nintendo Niino and Super Smash Bros. N

I have a rather large folder of ideas I'd come up with, liked enough to bother recording, but didn't or couldn't actually pursue. Some of them are worth looking at again, particularly when intervening events cast it in a new light. (And if this post is received well, it might become a regular feature.)

In this case, it's an idea for a Nintendo console, which turned out to be surprisingly similar to the Switch, even though, with a timestamp of September 27, 2014, it predates any public knowledge of the Switch, and possibly even predates the Switch development project. While I rewrote it into a more readable format, I have not changed any of the actual details - preserving the state of the idea as it was when I conceived it. It's not a detailed plan, more an executive-summary proposal.

2014 was a lackluster year for Nintendo - sales were plummeting, the Wii U had fizzled, and the New 3DS was flailing. Even fans could tell the company was struggling.

I made a key insight, though I don't claim it was a unique one: the gaming console market is under pressure from two directions. Going back to the 90s, the cheaper handheld consoles served as the entry point for new gamers, with home consoles offering a superior experience at higher cost, and gaming PCs being yet more expensive. But the rise of smartphones has devoured the low end - an iPhone or Galaxy or Nexus is an objectively worse gaming platform than any handheld console, but since they're essentially free as gaming devices (since consumers will be buying a smartphone anyways for communication), they offer the cheapest entry point. The rise of cheap gaming PC hardware (itself an effect of slowing desktop sales) has pressured the high end, driving home consoles to lower price points. This prediction turned out to be fairly true, although I also thought "nanoconsoles" like the Ouya would contribute to the demise of the two-tier console market, which completely failed to happen.

The logical conclusion was that handheld and home consoles will need to merge or displace each other. Sony simply gave up on their portable line, focusing their in-house developers on the home console. Nintendo could easily have given up on their home console line, throw everything onto the 3DS or its successor, and hope to compete with Sony and Microsoft on the merits of portability and game design rather than technical specifications.

But that's only the obvious way to do things. There are problems with that approach - Nintendo has a much longer history than Sony of maintaining both form factors, and there are many Nintendo fans who would be angered if Nintendo chose to abandon one or the other. A non-obvious solution is needed - and a non-obvious solution is what we got, with the Switch. But let's take a look at the idea I came up with, because it took a third approach.

The console I came up with was to be named the "Niino", punning off "Nintendo", "Nano", and the double-i pattern used in the Wii, Mii and Amiibo. The name is kind of dorky, I'll admit, but it's better than "Wii" and that thing sold like hotcakes.

The core principle was that you couldn't make a handheld that worked as a home console as well as a dedicated home console would, and vice versa. The two need to be fully software-compatible, but even just making an ergonomic controller fights against being able to put it in your pocket. So I didn't go as far as Nintendo ultimately chose to - I still had different hardware for home and handheld use. But they were to be different SKUs of the same console, not separate consoles - all games would run on both, down to using the same cartridges.

I called the two versions the "Niino Home" and "Niino Pocket". I specified that both were to use the same architecture. An eight-core ARM-64 CPU was specified - either K12 or Denver, depending on whether AMD or Nvidia was offering a better deal. I further specified a fully-unified memory architecture, with 16GB of GDDR6 memory. (I will note that I also wrote that it would be released in 2020, so my use of stuff that doesn't even exist three years later isn't completely groundless). Games would be stored on internal flash memory (512GB on the Home, 128GB on the Pocket), or on removable cartridges. As a minor twist, the cartridges would be partially-writable - patches would get downloaded and stored, and your game saves would be on the cartridge itself, in a special R/W memory segment.

The Niino Pocket was spec'd with a 4.5" 1920x1080 screen, featuring capacitive touchscreen capabilities (aka multitouch). The Niino Home was specified to target 3840x2160 output resolution (fed over Mini-DisplayPort or HDMI), with an expectation that it would normally downscale to 1920x1080 (getting some free antialiasing in the process). To give the Home enough processing horsepower to render the same game at quadruple resolution, I gave it twice as many GPU compute units, running at twice the clockspeed, and bumped the CPU clocks up by 50% (while keeping the CPU core count the same). That math checks out if the CPU on the Pocket spends 25% of its time on controlling the GPU, and game logic does not scale with resolution which are generally reasonable assumptions.

For controls, I didn't do much unusual. Two analog sticks - full thumbsticks on the Home controllers, smaller PSP-style "nubs" on the Pocket. A D-Pad. Four main face buttons, presumably A/B/X/Y. Four secondary face buttons, two per side - Plus, Minus, Home and Share. I had two analog triggers, with a digital "click" at full travel, like the Gamecube did, as well as two bumpers. And to finish it off, I listed dual accelerometers - they aren't all that useful, but they're so cheap now, why not include them?

Games would be required to run well on both the Pocket and Home, as part of certification. Thanks to the identical architecture, OS, and even screen aspect ratio, the programming to support both would be minimal. Assets could be authored for the Home, and downscaled for the Pocket, or authored for the Pocket and simply reused, not taking advantage of the extra power. Some UI elements might need to be redesigned to work better on the Niino Pocket's physically smaller screen, or more particles might spawn on the more powerful Niino Home, but I was aiming for it to be easier than developing a smartphone app that runs well on multiple screen sizes. I even mandated that the cartridges themselves be the same - if you for some reason buy both a Home and a Pocket, you would still only buy the game once, and play it on both. With savefiles being stored on the cartridge itself, that could be a very useful way to play - almost as seamless as the Switch ended up being, although significantly more expensive if you want that capability.

That unified architecture would allow Nintendo to stop splitting their development resources across two consoles, which would in turn allow Nintendo to develop a more robust library of first-party games. As Nintendo would offer the only viable handheld console, it would make them a more attractive target for third-party devs.

But Nintendo consoles sell because of Nintendo games, so that's what I had plenty of. I listed two pack-in titles, four additional launch games, another four titles within the first year, and five in the second year, as well as as many third-party titles as possible. My third-parties list is amusing from today's viewpoint - I correctly predicted that there would still be annual Call of Duty, Assassin's Creed, and Monster Hunter titles, but I seriously missed the mark by listing "Sonic Boom 3".

The Niino would have two pack-in titles. Nintendo Sports was supposed to be a deeper follow-up to Wii Sports, adding campaign modes, character customization and even some map-making (on the Golf game). But that was really just there for the sake of having a "complete" pack-in game. In retrospect, this was a horrible idea - it would either miss entirely what made Wii Sports a system-seller, or would require compatibility with Wiimotes, which makes it a horrible way to show off the new system.

The other pack-in game was "Super Smash Bros. N", which was a free-to-play Smash... kind of. The pack-in version would include only a minimum of characters, items, and levels (I listed Mario, Link, Donkey Kong and Pikachu, along with a Mii-based custom fighter). But any Niino game could add more - first-party or third-party. That game's developers would be responsible for all the assets and initial programming, although balance patches would come from Nintendo's Smash team, and certification would make sure it worked right and at least came close to being balanced.

So when you bought the obligatory Mario launch title, you automatically get (for example) Peach and Luigi, along with a stage and some items, added to Smash. Spla2oon (I am still surprised that's not what Nintendo's actually calling it) would add Inkling. Metroid: Paralysis would add Samus (don't ask for details on the games themselves, I was just making up titles and one-sentence concepts). Call of Duty would presumably add one of the Captains Price. Even Virtual Console games could get in on it - some people would totally spend another $15 to buy Final Fantasy VI again if it gave you a Terra assist trophy (I think full playable characters are too much to expect for a VC game).

As additional ways to get that content (it is kind of scummy to lock it behind a game you may not want, if you're just a hardcore Smash player), they could also be sold separately, as normal DLC, or bundled with an Amiibo, assuming those continue to sell.

I really, really like this idea. It solves two problems with the Smash series - first, it makes it possible for characters from games released after Smash to appear in the current version, instead of waiting for the next console, and second, it allows the game to eventually have the kind of mammoth size that made Brawl such a wonder. I remember the Brawl spoiler season - the hype was unimaginable. Just when you thought they were done, they dropped more on you. And it will even have more good effects - it acts as a portal to game discovery, and gives a bump to the Niino version of multiplatform games. If you're playing Smash, either at a party or online, and you encounter a character you've never seen before, that might spark an interest in the game they came from. And if you're a hardcore shooter player looking at which new console to buy, maybe the free Smash characters would be enough to tip you towards the Nintendo platform.

Would the Niino have been a better console than the Switch? Maybe. It probably wouldn't have sold as well, because the messaging would be more complicated. And is one do-it-all console better than two single-purpose consoles that do their job better? That would depend on how much better the specialized hardware works, which could only be determined by actually building the things.

Would Super Smash Bros. N have worked well as a system-seller? I think it would, although it would require a permanent support team at Nintendo, something they don't seem to do. It might anger the hardcore Smash fans at first, but it would make for an overall larger game (for free!), and half of them are still playing Melee anyways.

What are your thoughts?

[nataliejean2412]

Thoughts during the Nintendo Switch presentation 01/12/17

While waiting to watch the presentation, I realized I really wanted to write down what I was thinking. So, here are my thoughts during the presentation. I haven’t really done anything like this before, so it may seem a bit odd. Note: Every one of these reactions were real. A few of these were typed while the video was paused, which I think worked out better than typing while watching. Either way, these are best read alongside watching the video, linked here.

Enjoy!

Pre-Start: Was this 30-mins of store-brand chillstep necessary? 33:33 - AAAAAAAHH! It's releasing too soon! My body is not ready! Help me, Reggie! Where are you? 35:42 - Nice, I actually expected a $400 price tag 36:13 - inb4 paid subscription 36:40 - Called It 37:14 - Hopefully Nintendo can help reverse the trend they started with region locking. I like the occasional imported game. 37:36 - Please tell me they aren't going to repeatedly snap for the next hour... 37:53 - Lol we think our audience doesn't know the term "Design Philosophy" 39:02 - Wait, where's the "DNA" of the Virtual Boy? Did it not get invited to the Switch orgy? I wanted VR gaming that would burn my eyes out within 10 minutes! 41:27 - 41:36 - I swear, Nintendo loves repeating themselv... WTF!? That is a shit battery life!!! 41:44 - Ok, it has a USB standard. I'm ok with the battery if I can get an external for it. (I'm calling it now, Charger bags for the switch are going to be a thing.) 42:10 - Nintendo sure wants its' demographic to leave the house. 43:33 - I can't get over these Joy-Con things. What are these, controllers for ants!? 44:35 - "Whoops, we forgot to program in our new sharing features. We'll put it in later." 44:52 - "Now you can shimmy shimmy shimmy with your new Nintendo Switch!" 45:10 - Yep, those shoulder buttons totally won't get broken being in the connector piece. 45:40 - "They fit in the palm of your hand" if you're a small child, yeah. Which, that's a good thing to bring up. They are not targeting kids in this at all. Everything i've seen is targeting the young adult crowd. 45:53 - See, this is what i'm talking about. "You can release the tension from your shoulders, and relax while you play." They're targeting the working crowd, not kids. ...well, I hope they're not targeting the working kids demographic... Also at 45:53 - "Mario Paint me like one of your French girls" 46:14 - What is this... 46:24 - Oh, look, the magic of hype marketing! 46:45 - Now you can shimmy shimmy shimmy without throwing your controller. 47:24 - Careful, Nintendo, Don't say the C-word. It's a trigger word for the Orwellians in the audience. 47:40 - ... 48:20 - I don't know why, but this whole part is making me uncomfortable. 48:36 - Nintendo seems to have a hard-on for galaxy-looking stuff nowadays. 48:51 - Yeah, this snapping thing is going to go on forever. 50:45 - Ok, now what the hell am I watching? 52:36 - Nintendo sure wants its' demographic to socialize. 52:55 - "4: Spend half an hour arguing over what to play. 5: Lament that Smash Bros isn't on the Switch. 6: Regret your early purchase." 53:54 - Oooo, some kind of fighting game, that would be interesting. They /did/ say it would be challenging. 54:00 - Office worker fighting a middle-school girl. This ought to turn out well. 54:34 - wat 54:45 - wat 55:20 - ...what am I watching? 56:08 - Arms? ARMS? Why would you name it that? They don't /have/ arms! 57:20 - Hmm, those are interesting controls. 59:20 - Arms: Because having a new idea ALWAYS means you should make it. 59:40 - Yep, wildly flailing your hands = Strategy and tactfulness, and they recommend carrying the game into public to wildly flail your hands at other people doing the same. Real social booster, Nintendo. You know your demographic well. 59:50 - Ah, Splatoon, it's so good to know Nintendo still has a hard-on for their new money maker. They totally won't repeat the mistake of letting other things fall apart from focusing on you too much. 1:01:50 - I would like to take this time to give a shout-out to whoever the English translator is in this presentation. He has just completely given up on trying to convey the emotional nuances in the presenters' speech, and it's making this much more enjoyable to watch. 1:03:07 - Oh good, now I can hurl my entire console across the room when I lose a game. It's what i've always wanted. 1:03:51 - Oh. My gods. I just saw that. That pose was actually a thing. Wait wait wait, i'mma rewind it. 1:04:25 - Well, no need. He did it again. 11/10 best dab 1:04:52 - [after that lame pan, I got up, went out for a cigarette, and contemplated life.] 1:05:05 - Ooo, another Jet Set Radio-style game? I'm down for that. 1:05:20 - wat 1:05:30 - wat 1:05:40 - Okay, so a Mario game in an urban setting? Eh, seems like a cool idea... 1:05:50 - or not 01:06:07 - Well, at least the graphics are really niDAMMIT!!! What is this low-poly nonsense? 1:06:26 - Ah, jump-roping. My favorite of classic Mario gameplay. 1:06:33 - All jokes aside, these landscapes are freaking beautiful! 1:06:50 - Ah, hat tossing. My favorite of classic Mario gameplay. Seriously though, that does add an interesting idea to the classic platform formula. 1:07:01 - 'Bowser & Peach: A Royal Wedding'. Wow. I wonder what that that kid would look like. I know Bowser Jr. turned out not to be her kid. Dammit, now I have the image of Bowser with long flowing blonde hair. 1:07:05 - Oh no, he crushed the hat. Good thing it isn't alive. 1:07:06 - Wow, Bowser Jr. and gang are looking a little white-washed. 1:07:25 - Well, Super Mario Odyssey looks pretty good. Pretty epic gameplay. 1:07:33 - AAAAAAAA! THAT THING HAS EYES! IT'S ALIVE! Mario: "Yeah!" 1:07:37 - AAAAAAAA! NOW IT HAS EYES ON THE LOGO TOO! 1:07:41 - AAAAAAAA! OH GODS NOW IT'S REAL! 1:08:32 - YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I NOTICED THEM! 1:09:28 - They're launching without a Mario title. Have they not learned their lesson yet? 1:09:50 - Oh good, another Xenoblade. [skips forward in the video] 1:10:06 - [stops skipping] Wow, the graphics actually don't look half bad. That framerate looks atrocious though. 1:12:07 - Oh look, another Fire Emblem trailer that tells me nothing [massages forehead] 1:12:35 - Oh boy, it's time for the yearly Third-Party Garbage Fire! 1:12:44 - Funny, I didn't know Unity and Autodesk made their own games. It's almost like Nintendo wanted to fill this image with whatever they could scrape up. 1:13:21 - Meanwhile, at Square-Enix headquarters: "Crap, we don't have anything to put on the Switch yet. Let's just port a few games over to it for now." 1:13:41 - Oh, an Atlus game. I'm actually excited! Maybe we're getting a new Shin Megami Tensei! 1:15:00 - ... Right, moving along. 1:15:44 - Ok, this actually looks really good. Mental note: keep an eye out for Octopath Traveller. Maybe this won't be the garbage fire i'm predicting. 1:16:36 - This snapping thing... I swear. 1:17:00 - This translator is so done. I can't stop laughing. 1:17:40 - Oh good, Bethesda can now pat their own back on Nintendo Switch. Seriously, I actually don't like that they remastered Skyrim. They could have put that effort into a new game. 1:18:50 - Ok, I feel bad for this guy. That was awkward as shit, and you can tell he immediately realized it. 1:18:54 to 1:19:05 - Ok, the translator literally stopped talking. You can actually hear him scoff at 1:19:01. This is the best part of the show. 1:20:00 - And here we see the garbage fire I was predicting. This presenter looks like he just got shoved out on stage at the last second, and has no idea what he's trying to say. Even the translator is having trouble understanding him. 1:21:18 - Thank the gods that's over. Moving on. 1:21:29 - Oh dear sweet zebra, it's EA. Hold on, I wanna guess this one. Some sports game, no footage, and we'll get to the end somehow having lost knowledge along the way. 1:24:37 - And nailed it. Ladies and Gentlemen, we have reached the end of the ride. Thank you for attending the 15th Annual Third Party Garbage Fire. Please keep all hands, feet, and accessories inside the vehicle until the vehicle comes to a full stop. Please exit through the Gift Shop on the right, and have a wonderful day! 1:25:05 - Ok, there's the montage. It's the standard signal that it's almost over. ...wait, where's LoZ? 1:28:28 - I like how they're talking about how it's going to have a version with colored controllers like it's a game-changer. 1:29:00 - Yay, let's jump to Nintendo Europe, where they get to hear about how they are getting no information yet! 1:30:15 - Oh gods, I was just kidding before. They really did get nothing. 1:30:27 - Oh, Reggie! I'm so glad you're here. I need help! My body isn't ready! 1:30:48 - Is that Miyamoto just chillin in the background? I think he may be stuck in the US now. He's been showing up on US television a lot lately. 1:31:55 - "If you listen carefully, you can hear it floating in the air. Yep, there it is. I'm high as fuck." 1:32:22 - Yep, it was Miyamoto. Why did I recognize him from the back of his head? 1:32:32 - They are talking to each other in their own languages. This is great. 1:32:44 - AAAAAAA! Why the hell are you just jumping out of a hiding spot like that? Don't you know that's like taking the express lane to gettin’ hit? 1:32:57 - "When are we releasing Loz?" "Idk, ask him." "Oh, idk either. Ask someone in another country." 1:34:29 - Yay, finally! LoZ! Time to find out if it's a launch title! 1:35:40 - Neat, full voice acting! 1:37:55 - Woo! Launch Title! Aaand that's the end of it. That was a bucket of fun, and every bit the train wreck I thought it would be. I personally think they are rushing the release of this console, and it looks like I can count on one hand how many games there will be at launch. Like I said at the beginning, this was the first time i’ve done something like this, and it was much more fun than I anticipated. I may do a video saying this over the presentation later on, i’m on the fence about it. I may just shelve the idea until another video.  Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!