#doing a more full scene without any particular pressure or established work to follow feels incredibly good. getting it flowing again.

[outeremissary]

Blacklistable tag update: in the next few days I will probably put up one or two original posts related to BG3, one of which will be art (assuming I finish my shit at a reasonable time). I will likely be posting these under "emi plays bg3" and not "bg3"; large fandoms make me nervous. I wanted to be sure I was clear so that folks could filter things out. I will try to be more consistent henceforth with using that or the normal fandom tags on posts. If you are looking to catch my characters from that and a recent PF campaign (I know I often don't fandom tag asks), "kasander" and "asperia" should cover your bases.

I will try to reblog this a few times at some more decent hours.

[cuddlepilefics]

Could you do another GOT7 little space please? Where Yugyeom is a closeted little whose headspace is around 4 and JB walks in on him regressed. And Yugyeom ends up slipping into baby space and JB has to figure things out. I really enjoy your fics

Oh, alright

 Fandom: GOT7

Little: Yugyeom (age 1-4)

Caregiver: Jaebeom

 No one’s POV.:

Yugyeom had first learned about age regression during highschool. Two of his closest friends had come out to him as little and he occasionally took care of them. He found his friends quite cute when they were little but never considered slipping himself. His height making it difficult for him to feel small. Until he started to train under JYP, that is. A few months into his training, the pressure was already getting to him and for the sake of his sanity, he tried age regression for himself. It was difficult in the beginning but after a while, slipping felt more natural to him and he established his typical headspace age of four years. It was young enough to get away from the stress but he could still take care of himself and make sure he wouldn’t get caught. Regressing still remained his favorite and most effective coping mechanism after debut, though Yugyeom never told his band members about his headspace. They all knew the dancer wanted to be cute and yearned for affection from his friends but they never knew why. Sure, Yugyeom trusted them but he was too afraid of being rejected to ever out himself. He regressed every time he’d get the dorm to himself or cover his face during his sleep, so nobody would see him suck on his thumb. It had worked pretty well all these years, so he never even considered telling the others, despite wishing for a caregiver who’d treat him all soft and affectionate.

Today Yugyeom was tasked with choreographing one of their new songs. It was easy, the beat taking over his body and within the next two hours he was done. He kept practicing it for a while and recorded it to teach his members later that week. The dancer had expected to be spending the entire day in the practice room but to his surprise, he was able to go home shortly before lunch. He had no other schedule that day because no one expected him to finish up that quickly. The other members all had their own schedules, that would last the whole day too, which meant the dorm would be empty for at least five more hours, probably longer. A spark of excitement lit up his face. It had been ages since he had been little for longer than an hour. On his way back to the dorm, Yugyeom picked up some kimbap, so he wouldn’t have to go through the hassle of cooking for himself. Kicking off his shoes at the front door, the dancer dropped his bag and took a quick shower. The rubber duck he had taken with him, made it easy to let go of all the adult thoughts clouding his head. Afterwards he changed into black shorts and an oversized yellow sweater. He took his sippy cup and filled it with juice before sitting down at the table with his kimbap and juice. The little also tied a tea towel around his neck to create a makeshift bib. Little Yugyeom was not necessarily a messy eater but the bib made him feel small and it protected his favorite headspace sweater from any potential stains. He hummed happily, nibbling on his kimbap. He had really missed this.

After his meal, he cleaned up after himself and threw the tea towel into the wash. He picked up his sippy cup and took it back to his and Bambam’s shared room. Sitting on the floor with his legs crossed, Yugyeom pulled out a small box from under his bed. For a second his eyes became glossy, when they fell on his light blue pacifier. He usually preferred his paci over his thumb but when he slept his thumb was easier to hide, so he hasn’t been able to use that comfort item in a long time. Slipping the paci between his lips, the little instantly relaxed and started to suckle on it softly. He also pulled out a coloring book and some crayons for later, as well as a few small toy cars to play with now. While the coloring book sat on his bed untouched, Yugyeom let the cars race all over the room, over his desk and up him closet, making quiet ‘vroom vroom’ noises behind his pacifier.

Jaebeom had, similar to his dongsaeng, gotten off of work early that day. He had been in a meeting with their management which was supposed to last all day but was unexpectedly cut short due to the absence of one of their managers. Whispering lightly, the leader made his way back to the dorm, happy to have some time to himself. He might go for a walk later to relax and clear his head but for now all he wanted was to go home. Kicking off his shoes, he stopped whispering to engulf in the rare silence. It wasn’t all that silent though. Further down the hall way Jaebeom heard some weird muffled noises, coming from the direction of their maknaes’ room. Furrowing his browns, the leader made his way down the hallway to check it out. He didn’t expect either of the two to be home already, so he peaked into the room without knocking. The leader had expected anything, literally anything, except coming face to face with their giant maknae, having a pacifier in his mouth and a toy car in his hand. The younger was frozen in his spot, staring at his hyung in horror. Jaebeom was frozen too, taking in the scene but unable to make any sense of it. Thick silence hung over both of them, only interrupted by the car slipping from Yugyeom’s hand and clattering to the ground.

The little’s breath hitched and the tears started to spill. He was frightened, slipping fast. From being scared of his hyung finding him weird to not being able to identify why he was scared, only knowing what was happening was extremely bad and a reason to be terrified. Yugyeom was sobbing, harshly sucking on his paci and hiding his face with his arms. Jaebeom, though more confused than he had ever been before, sprung into action upon seeing his youngest dongsaeng cry. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the maknae’s shaking frame. “Hey, it’s alright. Don’t cry! Gyeommie, what’s going on? Please talk to me”, the leader frowned, giving the crying boy a light squeeze. Yugyeom just continued to cry his little heart out, clutching onto Jaebeom’s shirt, afraid his hyung would leave him. The leader was starting to get really worried, their youngest was not himself at all and he wouldn’t calm down. His breathing sounded so ragged, that Jaebeom pulled back a bit to look at his face and shushed: “Deep breaths, Gyeom. You’ll be fine, just breathe, yeah?” To Yugyeom it didn’t feel like anything would be fine ever again. He just knew that he couldn’t let his hyung leave him, so standing quite close to his bed, he gave the older a push and tackled him onto the bed.

Still breathing heavily, the little pressed himself against the older’s side. “Oh, alright. …Cuddles, I – I guess we can do that”, Jaebeom stuttered, surprised, “can you at least try to take a deep breath for me, brownie?” Yugyeom’s kept choking on his sobs, not even trying to follow the leader’s instructions. The Jaebeom it seemed like the pacifier between the maknae’s lips made it more difficult for him to breathe, so he grabbed it and with some struggle extracted it from his friend’s mouth, hoping the younger would be able to take a proper breath in and calm down afterwards. Quite the opposite turned out to be the case. The little misinterpreted his hyung’s actions and thought, the older would throw his comfort item away before scolding him for using it in the first place. Watching Yugyeom freak out and desperately reach for the blue object in Jaebeom’s hand, the leader looked at him horrified and quickly put it back between his swollen lips. The older found a plushie concealed by the blanket and pressed in into the crying boy’s arms. At a loss for what would calm his doongsaeng down, Jaebeom started to sing softly, one arm wrapped around the little’s waist, the other rubbing his upper back comfortingly.

It had been half an hour but Jaebeom still hadn’t gotten a single word out of Yugyeom. His sobs were slowly quietening down to weak, little hiccups, accompanied by the occasional tear, dripping onto the leader’s shirt. The dancer had exhausted himself with his anxious meltdown and he wandered on the edge of sleep, with the pacifier bopping softly between his pink swollen lips. Jaebeom continued to stroke his back until he was absolutely certain the maknae was asleep before shifting a bit to pull out his phone. If he couldn’t get an explanation out of his friend, he’d have to ask the internet as to why a full-grown man would be using a pacifier and children’s toys. He had to try out different search terms, since none of the results seemed to fit their situation but after a while he found something that seemed close to what he was dealing with. Age regression, a coping mechanism to handle emotional stress and possibly anxious thoughts. Jaebeom did more research on this as it seemed like Yugyeom was what people called a ‘little’ or ‘age regressor’. When he was satisfied that it was a harmless thing to do, he tried to find out how best to care for somebody in headspace. All it said was to treat the little like a real child and the age the regressor feels like in that particular moment. That seemed difficult. First treating somebody who’s taller than yourself is hard and second, how could he even find out how old Yugyeom was feeling if he didn’t talk?

Deep in his thoughts, Jaebeom remained in his spot on Yugyeom’s bed and let the little rest on his chest. His heart clenched, remembering the pure horror in the younger’s eyes. ‘He must have been so scared of me judging him’, the leader thought. Looking around the room, he didn’t only spot the abandoned toy car but also a coloring book and crayons close to his feet and a sippy cup on the nightstand. His attention was back on Yugyeom when the younger sniffled softly before sitting up and rubbing his fist over his swollen eyes. “Hey Gyeommie. How was your nap?”, Jaebeom asked softly, cringing inwardly at his awkwardness. The maknae’s eyes went wide and almost filled with tears again before the leader sat up, smiling: “Don’t cry, cutie. Hyung figured out what’s going on and he’s not thinking badly of you, okay? Need a hug, little one?” Yugyeom blinked at him in confusion but snuggled into the older’s broad chest anyways. Jaebeom picked up the sippy from the nightstand, afraid the younger would get dehydrated from all the crying he had done. “Here, have a few sips. We can’t have you dry out from crying now, can we?”, he asked gently. The little shook his head to that and reached for the sippy himself. Jaebeom had other plans though and removed the younger’s pacifier, promising when he saw the worried frown: “You’ll get it right back after drinking something.” Then he raised the sippy up to the little’s lips and had him drink a bit before letting him have his pacifier back. They both knew they’d have to talk later when Yugyeom got out of his headspace but till the others get back, they’d still have some quality cuddle time together.

[mnetruinedmylife]

Untitled Gang AU

This is just my need to write an AKB Gang AU combined with shameless Yuunaa. It’s written in mostly stream of consciousness writing, so the topic jumps to whatever connection my brain jumps to, it can get a little disorientating at times.  It’s also kind of unfinished, but I didn’t want it sitting in a file collecting dust, so here it is.

Warnings: this piece includes: mentions of violence, though nothing too graphic; traumatic flashbacks; mildly sexually charged scenes, though nothing truly nsfw.

 _____________________________________________________________

The town of Akihabara is a place of conflict and contradictions.

Located in the central ward of Tokyo, it has the highest rate of organised crime activity in all of Japan. The police will claim that there are no gangs in Akihabara – after all, the businesses are flourishing and the tourists come in droves, there is no safer place. Yet, every denizen knows that the infamous 48 Gangs originated in there, and it’s even a point of pride for a few.

If the press interviews a resident, they’ll swear up and down that they’ve never felt safer anywhere else. But more than once has a tourist revealed that they’ve been told by locals scuttling about to either stay on the nearby streets north and west of Akihabara train station after dark, or else not go wandering about at all.

The Akihabara sect of the 48 Gangs themselves are full of conflicting information too.

Sometimes, when the residents manage to acknowledge that they exist, one may hear them whisper in hushed tones about how they’re vigilantes, heroes who do the right thing when the police can’t or won’t. But in the same breath they’d tell you to stay away from one particular café in the Hanaokacho district, and the theatre near Taito station. The members of the AKB sect themselves would laugh themselves sick at the term, all the while shooting a defenceless man in the head without batting an eye, because they’re not heroes. They have their own goals, their own plans, most of which revolve around protecting their own, their members, their family, and if some things extend towards heroism, than that’s just a coincidence, and if some things stretch closer to the other side, well, that’s fine too.

Word on the street says it starts during the days when multiple factions ran rampant all over Tokyo. When kids were recruited right out of high school (and some still in it) into the Project gangs and prostitution rings. Some say a man rose up to create a force that could clean up the streets and keep the gang violence where it belongs – between gangs and not involving civilians.

Aki-P they called him, the man who swept up the capitol’s underbelly.

People say also he’s the same man who created the Sakamichi Syndicate and started the bloodiest turf war Tokyo has ever seen. Some say he did it because he gave up on the AKB sect, when they started losing their way and becoming more dangerous than the gangs they rose up against. Others say he did it after losing control of the 48 Gangs, that he was ousted from the inner circle and so created a rival faction as vengeance.

No matter how different the stories get, they all have one similarity. The 48 Gangs are dangerous, the sect in Akihabara doubly so, and anyone who gets in their way, or harms anyone in their sphere, or dares to challenge their grip over Tokyo, take heed and be on the lookout.

They’ll come for you.

__________________________________________________________)

Okada Nana is fifteen when she boards a train from Kanagawa to Tokyo and doesn’t look back.

Kojima Mako and Nishino Miki are similar ages, and in similar situations when they run into each other, having decided to pickpocket the same mark, and the three of them decide to run together. The streets are a little less intimidating with two sets of eyes to watch your back, and two bodies to keep you warm at night.

Mako’s the devious one, with her heart-melting gummy smiles and disarming laugh, she’s able to charm any passer-by and con them out of their hard earned money.

“Sorry sir, I’ve lost my parents, can I please borrow three hundred yen for the train fare?”

It works more often than not, there’s never a shortage of businessmen willing to play hero and help out a stranded school girl. And if she steals the rest of their wallet when they’re not looking, well they usually don’t notice until it’s too late.

Miki is bolder. She takes items right off of shelves when she walks by, and isn’t afraid to go after other street kids who wander into the space they’ve claimed as their own.

Sometimes she’s a little too bold, “Let’s get lunch from there.”

And that’s where Nana comes in. She’s the cautious one, the voice of reason, the brains behind the operations as small and simple as it is.

“We can’t go in there,” Nana hisses, grabbing the other two by the backs of their collars before they do something stupid.

“Why not? The foods cheaper in there than anywhere else in the city,” Miki points out, not unreasonably.

But Nana is adamant, “Yeah for good reason. That café belongs to AKB.”

The innocuous street side café about a minute’s walk from Akihabara station is something of a local legend in the area. Anyone above thirty avoids it like the plague because of the rumours of it being owned by the 48 Gangs, or perhaps it simply just serves the members of AKB. The little number 48 carved into the brickwork above the café doors is a symbol of that.

However, it is popular amongst the youth of the city for that very reason. With many hanging out there to bask in the rebellious feeling of danger, or on adventurous dares from friends. Whispers fly about AKB recruiting from the youth who flock there. A few yankees even claim to be initiates recruited from there. They’re all bald faced liars. No prospective recruit would be stupid enough to loiter in a known gang-owned establishment.  

A few have, however, been known to have been recruited around the station. Our little trio of street rats like to linger around the area, pickpocketing the stupid school kids, the otakus heading to the Gundam café across the street, and the rich folk visiting the golf club on the other side of the block.

They do that for months before they’re approached by a member of AKB.  

Okada Nana is sixteen when Minegishi Minami approaches her and her friends with an offer they can’t refuse.

Her first job is with Mako and two other recruits. They’re tasked with the simple job of delivering a package and Nana has to wonder what’s so important that there needs to be four of them for this. Or maybe it’s not so important, considering there are four barely trained, fresh faced initiates on the job.

They scuttle about the train line, Mako skipping along merrily, Hikari following behind quietly, with Nana and Ayana bickering the whole way. They deliver the package without any issues worth mentioning to one Itano Tomomi at an upscale bar in the heart of the city. It turns out to be cold hard cash, and Nana goes white at the thought of possibly losing that much money. Or rather, what the gang would do to them if they lost that much money.

The next few jobs follow in a similar manner. Nana gets to know the names and quirks of her fellow runners. Innocent, seemingly useless things like:

Iwatate Saho is stronger than she looks.

“Oh god he’s unconscious…are you planning on joining Team K?”

“No, too dangerous. I’m thinking Team B. You know, manning the cafes and the casinos and stuff.”

Mogi Shinobu doesn’t do so well under pressure.

“What the-!? Mogi-san why didn’t you just shoot him?”

“I panicked!”

“I can’t believe you want to join Team A, you’ll die in a week.”

Murayama Yuiri is stupidly pretty.

“Yuiri-chan…We’re half an hour in the wrong direction. You had the map upside down.”

“Sorry! I’m sorry, usually Naa-chan corrects me when I do this, I mean, I’m not blaming Naa-chan! It’s just she…Naa-chan what are you looking at?”

“Err nothing. Nothing, I got distracted.���

Takashima Yurina has somewhat of a crush on her.

“Naa-chan I bought drinks.”

“Where’s one for the rest of us?”

Uchiyama Natsuki knows a ridiculous amount about the law.

“Article 13: every individual has the liberty of protecting his or her own personal information from being disclosed to a third party or made public without good reason.”

“Somehow I doubt beating him up would fly as ‘taking the liberty to protect our property’.”

Apparently they do a somewhat of a good job, because Nana finds herself selected as part of a joint project between all the 48 Gangs. She, Mako and Miki are the representatives of the Akihabara sect and Nana wonders how the hell the upper echelons decided on that.  

“So, what are your specialties?” somehow it falls to Nana to lead this ragtag group.

The Namba sect representative Shibuya Nagisa is actually the oldest (by a few months) but she’s no more experienced than they are – Nana finds out later, the reason why all of the sects sent their freshest recruits. It’s all internal politics, and a mission too important to turn down, but not important enough to ensure successful. In short, they’re expendable and they weren’t even expected to make it home.

The job is in Tokyo, so Nana takes the reigns by default.

She finds that leadership suits her.

It feels like a natural extension of what she was already doing when they were just three idiots on the street, planning operations meticulously so that they come back in one piece, and utilising the skills of her teammates in the most efficient way possible. There are three more idiots to account for now, but she is familiarised with them soon enough.

Nagisa is the strongest in hand-to-hand combat amongst the seven of them, Sakae’s Ryoha the most accurate shot, Hakata’s Meru joins Miki in being the loud charismatic distraction, while Mako and Hakata’s Mio are swift and sneaky with their hands. It’s the perfect team for covert operations. Which makes sense, considering they’re being sent south of the Kanda river, into Sakamichi territory to gather intel on the new gang that’s popped up by the Roppongi hills.

It seems like a simple mission.

Get in, look around for suspicious activity, get out. There isn’t supposed to be confrontation or combat involved.

But no plan survives contact with the enemy, and no one cares about supposed to be’s when there are guns pointed at their heads.

When she’s desperately wrestling with a knife that wants nothing more than to dig into her flesh, when she’s slammed against the wall, breath knocked out of her, when a pair of hands wrap around her throat and squeeze, and her lungs scream as her legs thrash uselessly underneath, her vision blurs, and the terrifying realisation that she won’t actually get out of this situation alive sets in – oh god is that Miki screaming she hears in the background? – the air is rushing out her lungs and –

“Naa-chan. Naa-chan! Snap out of it, you’re not there anymore.”

Nana eyes fly open, as she dashes up, heart still thudding in her chest. She has to make sure everyone’s okay, what happened to Miki, and oh god Mio was stabbed, and where the hell is Mako, and they lost contact with Ryoha half an hour in, and Nagisa is unconscious, and no matter how deep a breath she takes, it doesn’t seem to be enough. Her chest burns, she can’t breathe and – a hand lands on her shoulder, the accompanying scent of hinoki pine only just barely manages to stamp down the instinct to lash out.

Yuiri’s concerned face drags her back to reality, “It’s okay. You’re home. You’re not there, you’re safe now,” to the little hole in the wall apartment she has (firmly on the AKB side of the Kanda river), to the bed she’s sharing with the pretty distraction on her team. Though, perhaps that would be unkind to say, even if she refuses to think of what they’re doing as anything more than just stress relief, blowing off steam.  

Belatedly Nana realises that she has a death grip on Yuiri’s upper arm, she loosens her grip but doesn’t let go, “S-sorry,” her hands are shaking, she’s trembling and she can’t get it to stop, and Yuiri’s murmuring nonsense things in her ear.

“Why are you sorry? I’m sorry, I’m such an idiot,” Yuiri apologises with a grimace. They’ve established early on that Nana does not like hands anywhere near her neck, that one horrendous mission spoiled that forever, but sometimes Yuiri forgets, and the resulting post-traumatic flashbacks are the most mood-killing thing possible in the bedroom, or sometimes out of it too.

The first time it happens is in a street by the AKB theatre of all places. It’s after a job with just the two of them, when they’re both high on adrenaline, breaths heavy, eyes glazed, still in the heat of violence, fresh from a near-death scuffle. Nana’s not sure who jumps whom first, but suddenly they’re in each other’s space, hands tangled in hair, and tongue against teeth. Yuiri tastes like citrus that night, some kind of lemon mixed, and the deeper she kisses her the more she can taste the metallic tang of blood and the salt of sweat mixed in.

Nana closes her eyes tightly, a low, throaty moan of approval rumbles deep in her throat as her back hits the wall with a light thud, the moan turning markedly louder as the elder girl’s fingers slip inside the waistband of her shorts and shoves them down over her hips. Strong, forceful fingers dig into her and pull her in even tighter as her mouth is once again claimed in a desperate, hungry kiss.

“Yuu-chan,” she moans, gasping at the feel of the other girl’s tongue against her throat.

“Yes?” Yuiri’s lips curls into a smile against Nana’s, she groans low and deep as Yuiri’s hips grinds into her own.

“Don’t stop.”

It’s easier with Yuiri, they understand each other in ways her other teammates simply don’t. Maybe it’s because the most of the others are like what Nana was at first, just street kids and lowly thieves dragged in way over their heads. When Nana and Mako come back from that FUBAR recon mission with their hands soaked in blood, the others look at them different. With wariness in their eyes, with guarded stances, with hints of fear in their faces.

Mako’s stupid grin thaws their hesitance soon enough. But Nana has never been that kind of charismatic. Not in the way that makes other at ease. She’s always been harder, more serious, and that only makes her look much more intimidating now.

“You’re still here?” Nana raises an eyebrow when she realises that Yuiri is still lingering about. These days, most of her team disappear faster than a blink of an eye the moment the job is done, not wanting to be around for longer than necessary.

But Yuiri only looks at Nana like she’s the one being unreasonable, “Don’t we usually go for kakigori after a job?”

“You want to have desserts with me? What, not afraid I’ll snap and kill you?” Nana asks, sadly only half sarcastically, because with the way the rest of the team treat her, it seems that’s exactly what they’re thinking.  

The other girl snorts and actually has the audacity to chuckle, “You’re going to have do a lot more than be traumatised to scare me. I’m sure I’ve killed more people than you.”

Yuiri wasn’t some street kid when she got recruited. She was born into this world, her family neck-deep in the underbelly of Japan, and she’s no stranger to violence. There’s only one other like that on their team, Nana would’ve overlooked Mion entirely if Yuiri hadn’t pointed her out.

“You can always tell when someone’s killed before,” Yuiri says, “It’s in the eyes.”

The months blur into years, and before Nana knows it most of her team have the same eyes, the ones who are still alive anyway. The ones who are left split off into the different teams of AKB eventually. Mako, Ayana, Mogi and Komiharu are sent to Team K, with their dangerous combat orientated jobs and Nana just hopes they keep coming home. Saho and Saki are off in the relatively safer B, the front jobs, manning the café and the casinos and the above-board stations. Yukari and Mion end up in A, and Nana hopes beyond hope that they don’t lose themselves in there.

Nana and Yuri themselves never leave 4. They’re the ones chosen to train up the newbies, and she has no idea who thought that is a good idea. She never actually does anything too important in the gang – up until the moment she accidentally founds an entirely new sect.

She’d been in Fukuoka visiting Mio and Meru, and it’s in Hiroshima, on her way back to Tokyo that Nana manages to get herself recognised and chased. She hated cults with a passion. Why did they have a problem with her anyway? It’s not like the 48 Gangs had territory claimed in Hiroshima –

Ow.

She falls off the fence the she’s attempting to climb over and lands on her back with a dull thud. The grass is soft at least. She spends a few moments just staring up at the night sky, it’s actually quite breathtaking when you’re far away enough from the city lights to appr—

“Are you okay?”

Oh, there’s a kid in pink and purple. A teenager really. Nana can’t tell ages anymore.

“…m’fine. Sorry didn’t mean to land in your backyard,” she says. An apartment complex’s backyard anyway, she realises when she sits up. It’s a rundown building that’s clearly not in official use. It appears there are kids squatting in it.

It’s difficult to tell in the dark, but when Nana squints she can make out maybe two more teens peeking out from behind a window.

“Wanna come inside?” the girl asks, and Nana really really shouldn’t.

A gunshot sounds in the air though, and Nana quickly scrambles to follow the kid inside. Being noble is all well and good, but it definitely doesn’t beat being alive.

When Nana awakens the next morning, she hears furious whisperings back and forth between the teens – and there’s clearly more of them this morning than there was last night.

“—it’s dangerous, she’s clearly a member of the 48 Gangs! You saw that tattoo!” an unknown voice hisses, and Nana wonders when and how they saw the little 48 tattoo on the back of her neck. That’s not usually visible and she’s usually a light enough sleeper to wake up if they touch her.

“Yeah, that means she can help us!” that’s Chiho, one of the girls she remembers half-heartedly greeting the night before. The one with the bruises on her face.

“We can’t trust a gang member!”

“So what else are we going to do? They took Yumirin, we’ll never get her back ourselves!”

Nana’s always had a soft spot for stupid kids. It’s probably why they never took her off Team 4, and how she finds herself hopping all over the setouchi region, rescuing girls from a fox worshipping cult.

Girls who somehow end up forming the Setouchi sect of the 48 Gangs – Sashihara-san comes down from Fukuoka to make it official and everything.

Mogi never lets her forget it.

“Hey Naa-chan, remember the time you went to visit Mio and Meru and ended up playing prince charming and rescuing ten damsels in distress?”  

 _____________________________________________________________)

Might finish it later, might not. Who knows...

[reversemoon255]

Fifth Review: Kishiryu Sentai Ryusoulger

Controversial take: I think this is a good series. Not the best, but certainly not bad. And there are some people who read that and question what I'm talking about because they either love the series or think it's terrible. Well, for the first half of this series' run, most of the people I talked to did not like this series, to the point that I stopped talking to people about it. Now, I didn't stop because I thought their opinions were invalid, or because I was mad, but because hearing all that criticism was negatively impacting my opinions. I'd come off episodes feeling good, listen to what other people were saying, and suddenly my opinion would lessen. Ryusoulger does have some issues, but I feel like they were ballooned out of proportion to the point that the shadow they cast prevented people from seeing some very positive things this series had to offer.

The Good: This is a very trope heavy series, with both the goods and bads that come with that. And that does make sense, as this series was supposed to be a ratings grab season to bring in new fans. I know we all enjoy when Sentai breaks its standard tropes, but you have to establish what your tropes are before you can break them. And this checks all the boxes: having Red and the sixth getting the most focus, Red getting power-ups, big robot combinations, (Dino Sentai specific) having an important character die. It doesn't stray very far from the typical formula. But that's ok. Part of the reason we like Sentai is because we like the tropes, and to criticize the series for sticking to its foundation means you have an issue with Sentai as a whole, not Ryusoulger.

The series itself was also structured to help draw in new fans, which seemed to rub some people the wrong way. Episode one was extremely bombastic, with a few decent humorous and dramatic moments, and some over the top fighting. Following that, the first half plus of the show was very episodic, with not a lot of connecting elements. This was probably done to not alienate new viewers and make it feel like they could come in at any episode without missing much. The second half of the show had more connecting plots, like Gaisorg, Pricious, and Heras, to reward people who had stuck with the show and raise the stakes moving into the final acts. While I do prefer more threads and build-up, especially early on, I can appreciate what the writers were trying to do.

And Ryusoulger had a decent cast, if a little underdeveloped because of the aforementioned Red/Six trope. I'm not a big fan of Koh. He's fine when it comes to the goofier episodes, but he was hard to take seriously. Still like him more than Daigo. Melto felt like he might make a better Red, as he was a serious character whose nature easily lead him to being the butt of a joke. His relationship with Oto was actually cute and funny. I normally don't like the "legal loli" trope, but as everyone was far older than they appeared it helped to underplay that issue for me. Asuna had a lot of good moments throughout the season (being the first Pink since TimePink to defeat an enemy general) and had a great actress, but suffers from being the only female Ranger. In my opinion it's always better to write at least two female Rangers since it forces the writers to give them distinct personalities. When you only have one, like in Asuna's case, you normally end up with "girl in a boys show." Yes, she has quirks, like a bottomless stomach and super strength, but quirks a personality does not make. Towa is probably the least developed character, but felt like he had a lot more planned for him (like how he was able to summon Haya Soul's power without a RyuSoul in the final episode). Bamba is a darling, and I love him. The episode where we meet his ex-girlfriend says it all: a tough but kind man who has become better through his interactions with the other Ryusoulgers. I also don't like Canalo that much. His personality feels very responsive to the fact that Toei seems to be trying to subtly push having kids as a good thing to help with Japan's population crisis (which is much more evident in Precure if you pay attention to the fairy designs in recent years), and the fact that said higher-ups seemed to force retconned straight relationships on possibly gay characters over the last three season (which I think is more to do with the population agenda than anything else as Chocolate Macaroons is very much a canon thing). It just feels like he was written that way as a jab from the writers at the Toei big wigs (meaning he's purposefully annoying).

The design work in this series is also excellent. While I would have liked a little more armor on the main costumes, like shoulder pads, the armor given by the RyuSouls was nice, the villain and monster designs were great (as were their personalities, I just don't want to make this longer than need be), and the Megazords had much sleeker designs that allowed for a lot more movement (which seems to be carrying over to Kiramager). I also love the designs of the Kishiryu. Giving them a fossilized look helps set them apart from the dinosaurs that have preceded them, as well as helps with the ever shifting issues of how much feathering any particular species had. They also get huge credit from me as a toy guy for the amount of interplay and non-robot combining present within them. SpinoThunder, Pteramigo, CosmoRaptor, there were a lot of Kishiryu that could combine into other dinosaurs.

Episode to episode, as that's how most of the show was, was hit or miss. I typically loved anything that heavily features Tyramigo (as he was also a great character). Thankfully nothing was as bad as Pitch Cock from Lupin. As for ongoing plots, the Gaisorg plot had a few hiccups, but lead to a good death scene, a cool looking power-up, and some lasting impact on Koh. Pricious, after s/he showed up, easily demonstrated themself as a force to be reckoned with, and the pressure s/he put on the other generals lead to some great moments from the villain cast. The Heras plot had some neat twists to it, but I wish the ending resolved with Heras admitting that she was wrong before her death (since the current generation had overcome the long-standing feud between the two RyuSoul Tribes and had shown willingness to work with the Druidons, both things she criticized them for).

The last thing I'll go into is themes, as Life and Death were two very prevalent themes that were the focus of some of the best episodes. They went full ham on the downsides of the extended life of the RyuSoul Tribe, such as the episode where we meet Bamba's 60-70 year-old ex-girlfriend or the episode where another member of the Tribe wants to commit suicide because she's outlived too many people she's loved. The episodes with Shine and ShadowRaptor were probably my favorite, particularly the parts with Ui and her mom. It felt like a better version of what they tried to do with Kotaro in Kyuranger (which was, coincidentally, my favorite episode of that season).

The Bad: I already brought up a few issues. Focusing on Koh and Canalo isn't bad, but focusing on them too much negatively impacted everyone else's development until the last 10ish episodes of the show. Bamba got a decent amount because he had a backstory, but Towa got almost none and Asuna got little outside "team's girl." Going into power-ups, that is again not inherently a bad thing, but how you use them can be. This was a big issue I had with Lupinranger, as that series focused on two teams, but one of them stopped getting power-ups half-way through the show. Power-ups can be a physical representation of a character's growth, and if only Koh is getting them that means only he is growing. Bamba, Asuna, and Melto all eventually got to use one, but Towa wasn't seen using one until the second-to-last episode.

The Kishiryu are an offshoot of this problem. Koh essentially owns every Kishiryu outside the ones everyone started with. Furthermore, the Kishiryu were designed to be modular, but that was severely underutilized. There were no interesting combinations after they gained access to Five Knights outside of the final episode. Kishiryu-Oh's ability to move his parts around for specific attacks isn't seen outside the first few episodes. There was so much more they could do that they didn't. And I understand that part of that is costume design and budget, but you shouldn't bring forth that idea of modularity if you're not going to use it.

Then there's the aforementioned death scene, which, while I like it, highlights some of the issues with pushing all your plot threads to the end of the show. There were some writing hiccups involving Gaisorg and his relationship with the Druidons. In the death scene itself, it happens the episode immediately after they break the curse of the Gaisorg armor. There is no time to build up Nada's relationships, how grateful he is, how his dynamic might shake up Koh's with Melto or Bamba or Canalo; he's gone before any of that. And it's by a one-off villain. What should have happened, in my opinion, is Nada should have lived through that fight, proven his worth to the team, and then in the following episode died to Pricious. It would still be quick, but it would increased Pricious' threat level, given Nada more time with the team, and might have helped how they tried to nerf Max RyuSoul the episode after it premiered.

Overall, Ryusoulger is a popcorn series; one that is easy to pick up and watch, but isn't something that will blow your mind and you'll be talking about for years to come. It's a good show that is hampered by some sizable issues, but those issues serve as a benefit for the series as a whole and aim to keep it on the air for years to come. If we have to sit through a Ryusoulger every couple of years, I don't have a problem with that. It's not the best, but I still had fun.

[eyesontheskyline]

(about the whole fic writer asks, except those answered now) the story specific ones have to be about 'but if you really hold me tight' - I love all your cxg fics and it's the longest one :D) it's just I'm thinking of getting back to writing and since you're of my favorites authors out there now i'd love to get some insight. kudos for being cool about it!

Hello!  Okay first of all thank you so much, that is a ridiculously big compliment and my face hurts.  And yes yes yes you should definitely write if you feel like writing - just go for it!  If you have any specific questions or you want a pep talk or whatever, message any time :) 

Okay I’m gonna put these under a Read More because wall of text.

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?Right now only Crazy Ex Girlfriend.  I wrote for Criminal Minds under a different name then had a gap of several years.  I’m pretty far removed from CM now but I can safely say writing for CXG has been a nicer experience community wise (partly a smaller fandom thing and I suspect partly a demographic thing), and there’s more established character stuff to work with because all the character development isn’t like…  Crammed in the five minutes they have to work with either side of the crime solving.

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.I don’t really do either, but reader inserts are kind of a squick of mine honestly, so I’m gonna say OCs.  I’ve only written OC kids though.

4) What is your favourite genre to write for?I am not entirely sure what this means…  Fic genre?  Original media genre?  I have only ever written romance or friendship stuff for TV shows, an odd balance of fluff and angst?

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?Mmm let the sun inside has a special place in my heart because it was the thing that got me back into writing after a really long gap and turned out pretty much how I wanted it to.  Writing it was just a very intense ‘I am writing again and my brain is on fire’ experience for me.

7) When is your preferred time to write?I would love to have a less dysfunctional answer to this, but probably between 1 and 4am unfortunately?  That can’t be a thing on work nights because I get up at 6.30.  If I can get myself on a roll early afternoon in a coffee shop though, that’s a better feeling.  Just… Less common than ‘the rest of the world around me is asleep and my brain just woke up’.

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?Oh everywhere.  The media I write fic about.  The stories I read.  My life, my friends.  The world.

9) In but if you really hold me tight, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote?Oh god I really don’t know.  This story is really hard for me to have perspective on because of the ridiculously time pressured way I wrote and published it.  I’m probably proudest of chapter 12, where they discuss the ‘do we want a baby’ question properly, because that just…  Is an important conversation that you don’t really see in media?  I’m not sure it’s the best writing in the story, but I’m glad I didn’t chicken out of it.  I also enjoyed writing Rebecca meeting Plimpton Senior in chapter 19, because that feels like an opportunity the show missed and I will never see enough versions of it in fic honestly.  (Do you have a favourite?)

10) In but if you really hold me tight, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind?That one was pretty much always going to end where it did – just because of the format, it was always going to end in a fluffy happy place around midnight on the 1st of January 2021. The last chapter was going to be longer originally, with more characters getting a moment, but it was just getting kind of unfocused – Rebecca POV can handle tone shifts pretty well I think because of the way her brain is wired, but at some point it all just got a bit messy so I pared it back.  I think I’m pleased with how it turned out, but the chaos of writing it is still fresh enough that it’s hard to tell!

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?Nah, but I’ve fixed typos (thank you @what-the-elle-n!)

13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?I find Valencia and Paula pretty difficult.  I love them, but I struggle.

14) How did you come up with the title - You can ask about multiple stories.(Since it says multiple and since I only have 3 currently…)  Everything I’ve published for CXG so far has had song lyric titles – mostly because I am not good at poetic turns of phrase, and I like lyricists who are.  (I’m also not a particularly romantic person, and I like lyricists who are!)

let the sun inside is from Ribcage by elbow.  The full line is ‘I wanted to explode – to pull my ribs apart and let the sun inside’, which feels to me like that feeling of having bottled everything up for so long that you just can’t feel anything anymore until you kind of break down and come out the other side?  And Rebecca = sunshine, so.  That is basically the premise of the story, so that was a stroke of luck.

the landing light is from K2 by elbow (I swear I listen to other music, they just have words that really lend themselves to fanfic titles lol).  I have a whole meta thing written to publish alongside the last chapter about why this song for this story, but basically the line is ‘Dickhead’s done a runner and he’s wondering if anyone cares – is the landing light on?’ which is just someone far from home feeling a bit stupid and homesick and wondering if there’s anybody waiting at home for him.  And of course Nathaniel comes home to a totally miserable situation and there Rebecca is.

but if you really hold me tight…  It had to be a lyric from a Christmas song, preferably one Frank Sinatra sang at some point, because that was the playlist I started listening to in mid-October while outlining this madness.  So it’s from Let It Snow, obviously, although that exact line is not in that version, ssshhhhhh (he sings ‘but if you’ll only hold me tight’).  I chose it because R&N being a team and getting through stuff together in a mostly-fluff-but-not-entirely way was kind of what I was aiming for, and it just felt like it fit.

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?I kind of have an OC coming up in a story I’m writing now, and I just… Knew who named them, and tried to choose a name those people would choose.  I don’t really do OCs much in fic, but in not-fic (it’s been a while!) I try to go for a name that (1) means something, and importantly (2) I can imagine their parents having named them.

16) How did you come up with the idea for but if you really hold me tight?So a writer I used to read a lot from the Criminal Minds fandom did a Christmas fic a couple of years in a row – one short, mostly fluffy chapter for each day from the 1st-25th of December.  So that was the plan.  Except as soon as I started outlining it, I knew I couldn’t write an entire month fluffy and problem-free for these two (for anyone, but especially these two), so short and fluffy didn’t stick!

17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.“I’ve gotten better at a lot of things since you’ve been away, but my self-deception skills have taken a real hit.”

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?Yeah, I abandoned a few Criminal Minds fics.  I still feel bad about them actually – I get comments on them occasionally. (On the offchance anyone reading this is someone who feels nervous about commenting on old stories – these delight me in ways you cannot imagine.)  I ran out of steam in a lot of ways – I started them without any real idea where I was going and wrote myself into a corner, mostly, but also I was starting to really struggle to write unprompted.  I am not the most mentally well person, and I just got my brain into this spirally tangle where I thought nobody wanted to read anything they hadn’t asked for, so I filled a lot of prompts but couldn’t convince myself to write anything else.  It feels really weird to think about that now, which I guess is a good sign…

19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?I toy with following the emotional arc of S4 but following let the sun inside sometimes – that was the plan, when I originally finished it and was panicking that I would never get another idea.  Also, but if you really hold me tight created a world of warm domesticity for R&N that I felt really sad leaving behind, so I would probably like to write in the timeline again.  And the landing light might get a oneshot sequel, depending on whether I end it the way I think I’m going to or the way I was originally planning to…

20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?No, not in this fandom.  I’ve only written two endings though!  I’ve ended on some real cheeseball final lines in the past though.

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?@heartbash, who can do plot and slow-burn in a way my impatient ass will never be capable of.  @justwanted2dance who deserves a million flame emojis and writes BDSM stuff in a way that makes my anxious brain comfy enough to enjoy it (literally nobody else has achieved this).  @pictureofsoph1sticatedgrace who writes the loveliest fluff and is a badass individual.  @notbang and @anthropologicalhands and @catty-words and @akisazame and @romansuzume who write beautifully and can do those poetic turns of phrase I am not good at.  I’ve got to be forgetting someone but wowww there is so much talent and creativity in this lil room.  So many people to be inspired by.

22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?God yes, but not in this fandom.  It’s fine, 19 or 20 year old me, you were learning.

23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?Silence.  Or like white noise or the Hufflepuff Common Room 10 hour ASMR video on youtube or something lol.  Anything with words just ruins me – my attention span is laughable.

25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?Ha yes actually, but I’m really not entirely sure why.  Sometimes my brain is just a really weird place to be.

26) Which part of but if you really hold me tight was the hardest to write?It depends how you measure hardest, I guess.  Several of the smut scenes just said ‘[insert sex]’ for the longest time, sometimes with descriptions?  So like ‘[insert feelingsy sex]’ or whatever lol.  In terms of getting voices right (like to the point of still being unsure whether it’s any good), this gurl group chapter.  

27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?It really depends.  Usually I know roughly where I’m going and how I’m getting there and that’s good enough for me, but my NaNo fic got an outline because of the format and timescale. And I’m planning a thing with an actual plot arc (gasp!) so that’s getting an outline, in the hope of making it look vaguely romance novel shaped.  Basically it depends on the length of the thing for me, and how plotty it is.

28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?Writing advice: if you’re struggling to move past a particular point, the thing you need to change is probably a few lines back.  It’s rarely the last line that painted you into the corner. If you think something needs to come out, paste it into an outtakes document – you might want to put it somewhere else later, or salvage lines from it or whatever, and it’s just easier to let go if you’re not actually hitting delete.

Posting advice: remember fandom is community – everyone is here because they love the thing you love.  They’re gonna be excited there’s a new story to read, and they’re rooting for you!  (Write the thing!)

29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?Nahh I mean, it’s a smaallll fandom.

30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?Again, smaaalll.  (Also I try not to publicly eye roll at things other people love even if they are my things – there’s nothing quite like loving a song just for the band to be like ‘ugh I fucking hate that song’, so I always try to keep that in mind.)

31) Send me a fic recommendation and I’ll post it for my followers to see! (The asker is to send the rec not the answerer)You did not send me a rec!  Feel free to send me one now!  In fact, open call, everyone send me fic recs, even if I’ve definitely read them.

32) Are any of your characters based on real people?Mm no I don’t do OCs.

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?I mean, I enjoyed hearing that someone read my story in the corner at a party lol, especially because it was a chapter I was pretty pleased with and nervous about.  Also any time anybody says something I wrote is a headcanon or ‘this should have happened in the show’ is a glittery feeling. When somebody notices a little clue or detail that isn’t obvious, it makes me ridiculously happy.  Humans reading my thing then saying something about it is still crazy, so, yeah.

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?Story time: my old fandom has this one character who has a lot of pretty hardcore stans.  I mostly dislike the word stan but like…  Yeah.  So anyway, I got an email saying I had a new comment on my ficlet collection (keeping in mind I was in my ‘very unhealthy relationship with feedback’ stage at this point), and clicked on it all happy, and all it said was ‘I didn’t read this because another comment said it doesn’t contain enough *stanned character* and you really should warn people upfront that he isn’t gonna be in it, I’m glad I didn’t waste my time on it’.  Which was just…  A bizarre comment.  Like, commenting to say you didn’t read the thing is weird in itself, but also you list the characters who are in the thing, not all the ones who aren’t?? Anyway, I then went on my tumblr and I had several anon messages that were just straight up hate along the same lines and…  Yeah.  The Criminal Minds fandom was a strange place. On a related note, have I told you today that I love you, CXG people?  I love you.

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?I am basically always up with talking stuff through with people.

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?This is actually difficult to do right now.  There’s a baby?

37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written?I mean, I made myself laugh a couple of times in my festive fic, but I’m more of a ‘this one line is funny’ writer than a ‘this story is funny’ writer.  I’m too angsty!

38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.This question is faaar too terrifying.  I’ve actually never collabed with anyone, I’d love to though.

39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?Third.  I think because I’ve only written for TV shows, no matter how closely you’re following one character, if you’re seeing them on a screen, you’re in third person.  So it’s just an extra struggle to make that jump to another POV for me.  I have written my not-fanfic mostly in first though, and I’ve read some lovely fic in first and second.  I’m just not good at it.

40) Do people know you write fanfiction?One person.

41) What’s your favourite minor character you’ve written?Hmmmm who is minor, really?  I find AJ difficult but fun.

43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?I don’t write anything plotty enough for this to be a thing!

44) What is the last line you wrote?“Mm, because you know how irresistible your weird old timey voices are.”

45) What spurs you on during the writing process?I want people to read the thing, honestly.  It’s a ‘reach out my lonely haaand’ moment with a little less melodrama.  I want it to be out in the world doing what it’s meant to do.  I also want it to be finished so I can read it – I get a very particular kind of happy feeling from reading a good sentence I wrote.

46) I really loved but if you really hold me tight. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it?Lol it felt really weird to type that in there when you didn’t actually say it directly, but you said all so here we are!  I’m just gonna take that compliment even though I wrote it…  When I started coming to the end of writing that story, I started to feel really sad about leaving behind the warm domestic feel of it, so if I ever feel more domestic fluff coming on, probably it’ll be set after that.  

47) Here’s a fic title - insert a made up title. What would this story be about?You did not insert a made up title!  Although insert a made up title has potential for Rebecca hounding everyone she knows to help her title a song she wrote.

48) What’s your favourite trope to write?Is ‘let’s have an actual conversation about this’ a trope because that’s my brand so far!  I haven’t written anything particularly tropey, I don’t think, although the pull of ‘omg there was only one bed’ is strong right now!

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?Yes!  It was a Criminal Minds fic, Hotch/Prentiss, canon compliant (ish) missing scenes kind of deal.  I can’t remember the first CXG fic I read, which is ridiculous because it was a lot more recent.  I started writing CXG fic before I started looking for it, because I hadn’t been inspired to write in so long that I didn’t want to scare myself away.  I read some before publishing, but I can’t remember where I started.

50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?I can only dream of being mentally stable enough to have a consistent answer to this lol.  Angst comes more naturally to me, but writing angsty characters into happy situations is one of the ways I make sense of the world, so…  Fluff, maybe, as long as I can keep the characters screwed up, because they just…  Are.  And like, same.

[marvellouslymadmim]

Neither Timid Nor Tame. Let’s talk about how you approached making good on all that TENSION and slow burn you set up. Did you feel the pressure? Did it come to as satisfying an end as you hoped? How do you approach writing smut? Anything you find particularly challenging when approaching it?

(*cue Salt-N-Pepa’s Let’s Talk About Sex in the background*)

Did you feel the pressure? The entire series was the first thing I’d written (or at least published) for about 2-3years. I had written longfics, slowburns, and smut before, but this was writing for a new fandom, a new set of readers, and an entirely new dynamic. So there was a lot of pressure, not just directed at this particular fic. I wanted to give the readers some emotional fulfillment (I honestly hadn’t expected anyone to get as invested in the series as they did, and that was a beautiful surprise), and I wanted to know, as a writer, that I could successfully and truthfully end such a long storyline without tripping at the finish. 

There was also a bit of added pressure because I find writing first time sex to be more difficult. There’s the added layer of learning boundaries and each other’s bodies that becomes more of a second-hand language in longer, established relationships. And because I’m very big on upholding my responsibility as a writer to truthfully portray characters as close to their canon selves as possible, that means creating situations that will get them to react in the way that I want. 

So yes, I definitely felt the pressure.

Did it come to as satisfying an end as you hoped? It did, I think. Looking back there are parts of the dynamic that I wrote that I don’t think hold as true for the idea of Hecate and Ada’s personalities that I hold now, but for the portrayals I gave of them in that particular series, it fits. I had originally planned to have the piece end much earlier, but the ending never felt quite...whole, so I followed them around for a bit longer, and found the ending we have now, which I truly love because it’s soft and a bit full circle. The series starts and ends with Dimity and Hecate, and starts and ends with Hecate having entirely different views of her relationship with Ada. And I think it ended where I generally like to end my long fics: with enough of a story “ended” to feel a sense of satisfaction, but with the sense that there’s still so much left ahead for the characters. How do you approach writing smut? I don’t think I have a set approach to writing anything, but if I really try to break it down, it starts with simply...sitting with the characters. Getting to truly know them and their personalities. Once you understand their pasts and their motivations, writing becomes extremely easy. So sometimes writing smut, you go “Oh, this would be nice”, but then you have to also go “ok, but would X actually do that? And if they did, how would that look from an emotional standpoint?”  I always try not to get too technical, though I do have several books on sex positions which I consult when describing things, because mentally, I need to know where everyone’s hands are, at any given time. I think it’s safe to say that I often go deep-diving into character’s heads during sex, which honestly is why I love writing smut. I’m not too focused on the acts themselves, I’m much more obsessed with the motivations and emotions behind them. And I think that’s a great place to be.  I don’t find gratuitous, disconnected smut to be appealing (gimme that history and connection, baby!). So when I write it, I make sure it’s true to the characters and their dynamic, that it’s also mirroring or addressing something else outside of the actual acts, and that it serves a narrative purpose.  If in my writing, there’s a moment where a “saucy bit” kind of fades to black before the action, that’s generally a sign that, in my opinion, whatever happens next isn’t going to give us the kind of insight into this dynamic that fully serves the story I’m telling.  I have zero clue if that actually answered your question, btw.

Anything you find particularly challenging when approaching it? Ooh, yes. Sometimes it’s not easy, finding a balance between mining the character’s thoughts/motivations and actually focusing on the action. Pacing is extremely important in smut scenes, more so than others, I’ve found. So finding that balance and keeping that pace is something I’m far more aware of during smut (and what contributes to longer write times, I feel like). 

As mentioned before, first time sex is always more of a challenge. Because not only are you learning how the characters work together in this setting, they’re also learning that, too. And there’s the undercurrent of constant “oh, am I asking too much? am I giving enough?” that tends to lessen in longer term partnerships. 

I also am really aware of...certain aspects of fandom culture which can turn a smut scene into an objectification of the actor’s body, and I really try to look at my work through a certain lens, in that regard. Because I don’t want that, I don’t want to even be tangentially related to that in the least. The appeal, for me, is the connection between two fictional characters--it’s the connection between them that makes the scene “hot”, not the mental image of two naked actors. So while I write from that standpoint, I also edit from the standpoint of “could this be...misused?” I don’t know if any of that makes sense, but I hope it does.

Also, there’s a bit of a challenge in deciding what shows up in smut, too, I think. I studied human sexuality and let me tell you, standing in front of a college classroom talking about these topics really put me in a place of having zero issues talking about them at any given point. I don’t have a lot of squicks and our home as a “No Kink-Shame” rule, which means anytime someone seems to be a bit judgmental about a (legitimate, consensual) kink, we shut it down, regardless of whether we “get” it or not. I believe human sexuality is amazingly vast and varied, and if something just does it for you, go for it (keep it safe, sane, and consensual, folks). But sometimes, you have to hesitate from bringing that into fiction, for various reasons. Fanfic is interesting because you really are writing for an extremely specific audience, and you have to honor that and be aware of it.  Come at me, bro: inbox random-ass questions about my stories, itemized number lists be damned.

[sazandorable]

so im gonna do that AAW meme thing! cw: tmi about aza’s thrilling life, some cringey or vaguely depressing/upsetting anecdotes, some happy things in a silly way, and fandom

1.      Sunday, 21 October:

o   Describe your experience of finding out about asexuality/the ace spectrum.  What source(s) did you find it from? How did it feel to find out about asexuality? How did it change your life?

~Sherlock BBC fandom~! /o/ Yeaaaaah.

To be precise, the kink meme, on livejournal. just a random prompt asking for something exploring the arrangement between asexual sherlock and uhhh probably john but tbh i don’t remember that. maybe Irene. I’m almost sure this was right after the Scandal in Belgravia episode had aired, and that episode was why people were playing with the idea of Sherlock being uninterested in sex.

I don’t remember my exact feelings when I read that word, but I do remember that I was delighted at the concept (+ the discussion in the same episode about falling in love outside of your sexual orientation) and immediately convinced, that I jumped into researching asexuality, and that barely a few weeks later I was very deep in contemplating and musing about my own levels of attraction and sorting out all that stuff. I do think I just instantly realized this concept applied to me; I found the AVEN site and its definitions very fast, and grey-a felt good instantly. (I found demi later, and it took me a bit longer to claim it for myself, though I don’t remember much details about that.)

Like, years later I’m very much bitter about and Over™ Sherlock BBC, its writers, and that episode in particular and their stance on the sexualities and orientations of all their characters, but... it did bring me something very precious, that it would have taken me years to find out about otherwise.

It did change my life in that this is when I realized that I really, really, really didn’t have to date, have sex, marry or whatever “one day” if I never wanted to and I wasn’t “late” on anything. Took off a lot of pressure, and also made me stop trying to dub-con myself into accepting things I didn’t actively want just because I didn’t actively hate them.

2.      Monday, 22 October:

o   Talk about your coming out experience.  Of course, one many never be finished coming out, but you could describe how you came out to friends, what reactions you have gotten, how you have felt by coming out, and more.

Mm, two:

not quite coming out, and I don’t remember how it came up, but I mentioned “ok but what about asexuality” at my mother, perhaps a year or two after finding out about it, and she just scoffed and said “that’s not a thing, it’s just being scared of sex,” and I just... froze. Blanked out. Zoned out. Possibly shook a little. This was my first first-hand experience of being just... disacknowledged, erased, denied out of existence, and I had absolutely not expected it, nor the violence of it, nor the casual quality of that violence. I couldn’t say anything in reply, and I don’t think my mother noticed anything at all.

on another hand, I once explained to a gay male friend of mine that, well, I don’t call myself a lesbian, I like girls but I don’t call my super-duper-precious-friend my girlfriend, we are extremely close but we don’t have sex or really date, I’m asexual; and his reaction was “?? THAT’S SO COOL. That fits you! I’m glad for you that you can just do whatever works for you without following conventions about relationships! Cool, great!” and that just made my day.

3.      Tuesday, 23 October:

o   Describe your experience of confronting stereotypes.  There are many stereotypes or expectations of what being on the ace spectrum is like, but of course aspec people are just as diverse as any other group.  How have you defied or corrected these stereotypes?

uuhhhhh

Mostly this happens when I talk about asexuality with people who are questioning themselves, explaining the many different flavors it can come in, that yeah you can be asexual at the same time as enjoying sex, masturbating, having fantasies, wanting to date, etc. Not so much smashing established stereotypes, more confirming that nop this thing that you think would “disqualify” you from being asexual doesn’t, actually, you still might be, you’re not “fake”.

4.      Wednesday, 24 October:

o   Talk about positive representation of aspec people in media which has benefited you or speaks to you strongly.  Aspec people are not often represented in media, so it will be nice to see which representations have the strongest impacts.

*STANDS UP, VIBRATING*

TWENTYACETEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

This year I got two cases of explicit, confirmed, canon, accurate and nuanced representation with central characters in two series that were already extremely close to my heart, and I’m so happy about it!!!!

Spoilers for both fandoms!

1) Shimanami Tasogare: a recently finished manga about LGBT community. In one of the last arcs, we learn that the very central yet mysterious character Anonymous (Dareka-san) is asexual. Like, the character says it, in full letters, and it’s discussed a lot.

Well, it’s more complicated than that, because it’s set in Japan and written in Japanese and Japan has different approaches, concepts and vocabulary around asexuality than English-language; what Anonymous initially describes might be closer to what English-language would call aromanticism. But they also later go “Am I interested in sex, or not? Who knows :)”, with their potential interest in sex represented with them reading porn magazines, and they’ve already expressed that they’re not interested in dating, so as it happens they’re probably both aro and ace (in English terms) anyway. (In the same sequence, they also explain that they might be male, or female, and generally aren’t overly concerned with how people think of them, anything works for them.)

This brings the other characters to think some more about their own desires for love, sex, relationships, human contact... There is a beautiful scene where the main character thinks that knowing this lets him finally understand Anonymous, that this must be why they are so mysterious and detached and fleeting — and Anonymous tells him point-blank that nah. They’re not just their asexuality. Don’t reduce them to that. They’re not “anonymous” because they’re asexual, and vice-versa — those are just two incidental parts of who they are. They are a full person, who just happens to be asexual, and also to enjoy being anonymous and unknown and find freedom in living their life this way.

It was just incredible to read entire chapters dedicated to a central character talking at length about their asexuality, and also how they relate, not only to straight people, but also to queer non-ace people. In the end the main character still doesn’t quite get Anonymous, and that’s how they like it.

2) The Magnus Archives: an ongoing horror podcast that’s casually LGBTQIA-friendly. (Like, a lot of horrible stuff does happen to queer people, but that’s because there’s a lot of them, and I do think that statistically more of them survive than straight people. Equal opportunity horror.) I had been toying with headcanoning the main character Jon as asexual for a variety of reasons for a while, and then in an episode that aired a few months ago a character casually mentioned that “apparently [he] just... doesn’t. At all.” Asked to elaborate, the writer confirmed on twitter that yup, he’s written as asexual (though who knows if Jon would use that word himself, he doesn’t really think about it).

I’m especially delighted because this came up, in context, because Jon has dated. At least once. We know his ex, and she is super chill with him. This reveal also comes up in the same breath as the reveal that a male character seems to have a crush on him, and IMO the show seems to hint that said character is aware that Jon doesn’t do sex, and doesn’t/wouldn’t mind this if they were to date.

Jon did start out as the usual cold, rational, unempathetic character archetype (in fact, he’s very reminiscent of BBC’s Sherlock in early episodes), but by the time this line comes up, the listener knows that he actually cares a lot and is full of emotions. He’s shown to be very, very protective of the people close to him — though also very bad at it. And at expressing it. But, still around the same time of the ace reveal, he is making deliberate efforts to communicate more and value everyone’s feelings. And of course, being the central character, he’s a veeeeery developed character with tons of evolution and nuances, and a huge fandom fave. The reveal that’s he’s asexual has changed exactly nothing in the show; but, like I said, it fits him, he read as asexual to the point that I was suspecting it despite zero real textual evidence until then.

When this episode came out and I heard that line (... I actually had missed it on first listen), I was at work, and I just started almost crying at my desk.

And then I got to go around yelling about it at my fandom friends.

... And at my non-fandom friends.

[its-love-u-asshole]

Fic Writers Week Day 7: Rec Time!

Yay! This is the day I was looking forward to the most honestly, I love spreading the love for fics I read! Please also check out a few underrated recs I did for day 2 here! For this post I’m mostly going to be listing all time favorites, as well as the fics I’m currently subscribed to (in no particular order)! I imagine this post will get freakishly long, so as always, it’s going under a read more. 

This week was amazing, it’s so lovely to see all the enthusiasm and support for fic writers <3 I hope this trend can continue way past this week as well ^^ 

Please also refer to my bookmarks! Everything I have bookmarked is quality and surely won’t let you down, but I could not include every single one on this list (it ended up being too long as is lol) but I definitely encourage you to give them all a read! 

Alright, let’s talk about some fics! 

Ride or Die (Iwaoi, E)

For an esteemed racer, intended for the big leagues, owning a garage and racing on the streets should have felt like settling rather than a dream. But Oikawa Tooru is as happy as he can be, as long as he's behind the wheel of a car; until a misstep lands him a heavy fine, and a crumbling future.

Having grown up in one of the roughest neighbourhoods in Tokyo, Iwaizumi Hajime is no stranger to the mob life. But establishing himself as a separate entity has always been his goal. He's a man of action, someone who does what he's asked without any questions. But when the people he's tried so hard to distance himself from come knocking at his front door, he realizes that he finally has to establish a side: his own.

Iwaizumi wants Oikawa's expertise: someone who can both drive well and knows his way around cars. And Oikawa wants absolutely nothing to do with gangs, the kind of people that lit a fire to his life. Everything changes when two people who live very different lives realize they're both fighting for the same thing.

Alright, so I’ve been following this fic since chapter one, and ahh @oiivkawa​ does such an amazing job with it! It’s the fast and furious AU that the fandom needed tbh, each chapter has me on the edge of my seat. The drama, romance, and fun are all evenly balanced and I can’t get enough of iwaoi’s dynamic in it! It also has the hints of an OiKuroo friendship that I love, as well as some kurotsuki thrown in, not to mention Semi even has a role?!! It’s everything I’ve ever wanted, so please go check it out! 

galaxies, within you (Iwaoi, T) 

Hajime and Tooru move in together at the start of university. Too bad they’re stuck with the two gremlins that haunt their apartment.

I read this fic just this week, so all the beautiful emotions and details are still so fresh in my head ; ; The writing in this was so gorgeous, as were the characterizations! If you love pining and happy endings, this is for you! Oh, and also funny af Matsukawa and Hanamaki shenanigans lol. The emotion and the humor compliment each other so well in this fic, one minute my heart was aching, and the next I was dying from laughter. It’s just a lovely iwaoi fic all around, so please give it a read! And make sure to follow @skiecas​ <3

Wicked Games (Kurotsuki, Iwaoi, Bokuaka, E)

After years of being one of the many faceless foot soldiers in the ranks, Bokuto gets a much-deserved promotion. But with the new job comes great responsibility. The job is easy enough. All Bokuto has to do is look after the Boss's mate: The Boss's beautiful, intriguing mate.

Tbh if you like hardcore mafia aus, then this is the fic for you. @caelestisxyz​ is like...a master storyteller, her plots are so well developed and original, idk how she does it! Every chapter is also packed full of romance and nail biting drama, so it’s not for the faint of heart, but if you’re not scared of the angst which comes with this kind of au, then I would seriously recommend it. It’s incredible and features all my fav pairings in such a badass setting! 

A Place to Call Home (Iwaoi, Bokuaka, E) 

Oikawa Tooru doesn't need an alpha. He's doing fine all on his own. And the past four years of being a single mother have proven that this is exactly what he wanted from life.

Of course, life has a way of not always going as planned.

This is another fic I’m currently subscribed to! I will admit I don’t usually read kidfics, but @madamemalfoy21​ has such cute plots and stellar characterizations that I can’t resist her works! Everything about this fic is heartwarming, and every update brings a smile to my face. Oikawa as a single parent trying to figure out how to love again is such a treat to explore, and with the other pairings thrown in, it makes the fic such a pleasure to read <3 

Let it Linger (Kurotsuki, T)

Kei has loved Tetsurou for years.

Tetsurou has loved Keiji for years.

Keiji is marrying Koutarou.

Alright, hold the phone y’all, this fic right here is extraordinary. It’s one of my favorites I’ve ever read, omg, the character growth and reflection is so powerful in this fic AND the slow burn is wonderful. I usually avoid angst like the plague but I can’t really resist @rhealmobsidi​ and her works, I’ve been reading her stuff since I was but a smol lmao and she never disappoints. This fic right here is so heart-aching and heart warming at the same time, I can’t get enough. Please read it if you have not! 

cookies and cream (Bokuaka, E)

Some people might tell Akaashi that he couldn't bake his worries away.

But some people haven't dated Bokuto Koutarou.

Alright, so I’ve been on a bokuaka binge these past few days, so the next few recs will be for them! This fic is so funny lmao, the idea of Akaashi stress baking was just super interesting to me. But not only that, the fic was super touching and romantic jsdnfk I love domestic bokuaka so much, and this delivered! 

Corpora Permutavere (Bokuaka, T) 

“Akaaaaashi, you gotta make a wish after you blow them out!” Bokuto was leaning across the table so far that the candle flames danced in his eyes, turning them to molten metal. And while Akaashi found himself appreciating his teammate’s birthday fervor in a way that was soft, foreign, and somewhat unexpected, Bokuto should still have known that this level of spectacle was neither Akaashi’s preference, nor something he was entirely comfortable with.

Under such pressure, he blew out the candles. Then, as requested, made a wish.

I wish Bokuto-san understood the perspective of someone other than himself.

Bokuto and Akaashi switch bodies. It goes as well as you might expect.

I assume most people have already read this fic and I’m super late lmao?? But in case you haven’t, you need to! It’s just a great story dealing with romance, mental health, and character growth. I tore through this fic, it was so amazing and beautifully written. So many great, though provoking lines/scenes had me thinking about this fic days later, and even writing this I feel like rereading fff. Please go check it out so you can fully understand how A+ this fic is. And please follow @silvercistern​ !!!

bitter (Bokuaka, G) 

He accepted his classmate's chocolates gracefully, then declared his lack of interest with as much dignity as he could muster. She deserved the courtesy. At least she'd acknowledged that Valentine's Day was all about her, and not about him in the slightest.

Because if any of these girls had taken the time to actually get to know him, they’d quickly realize something even more important than his lack of interest in girls.

And that was that Akaashi hated sweets.

This is another one by @silvercistern​ because I am addicted to their bokuaka characterizations lmao. The way Akaashi is written is so amusing and complex, and the bokuaka dynamics are lovable and cute fff. The awkwardness of Akaashi’s love life and his hatred of Valentine’s Day made for a wonderful read, so I can’t help but share this fic as well! 

5 tips to get your guy (Bokuaka, G)

Second-year Bokuto gets fantastic dating advice from his sister’s magazines

This fic was so damn adorable, that’s all I have to really say about it lmao @mooites​ did a great job of making this such a fun read! I loved the inclusion of Bokuto’s sisters and how their trends benefit him lmao it was just really cute to see him use magazines to act on his feelings. I loved this fic, so please check it out if you haven’t! 

Behind Bricks (Bokuaka, E)

Akaashi has always had a good idea of what his future would look like.

Becoming a prostitute hadn't been part of the plan.

Bokuto Koutarou wasn't part of the plan, either. Akaashi meets him by chance, and is drawn in by Bokuto's optimism and authenticity. He's never met anyone like Bokuto, and despite his initial reluctance, Akaashi finds himself getting a little too attached.

Alright, last bokuaka fic lmao but another amazing one no less! @worthlesspride​ writes some of the best and sweetest bokuaka there is, so I recommend all their fics (not just for bokuaka, but all pairs!). I don’t wanna spoil much about this fic, but please read the tags before diving in! You won’t be disappointed, the plot is A++ and the nice mix of angst and romance is to die for <3 

walls (Kurotsuki, G)

Kuroo is the best sparring partner that Tsukishima could ask for, but that doesn’t make him any less annoying of one,

So @ohoholyshit​ wrote a BNHA AU for kurotsuki, and I’m still not over it. Just...please read it, it’s so lovely and funny and just kljsfjdssjkd I live for kurotsuki being awkward boys with their poorly concealed crushes lmao. Also the quirks they’ve been given are so fitting and creative, I was so into this verse fff. 

Angels in the Snow (Promptis, E) 

On a snowy morning, the wolf Prince Noctis discovers an intruder, a fox boy from Niflheim, playing in the snow. Though they quickly become best friends, everyone knows Prompto Argentum does not belong in the Lucis palace, and Noctis can only protect him for so long, especially when Prompto isn't exactly what he seems.

Okay so this is the only non-Haikyuu! fic on this list, but it’s still amazing and if you like FFXV then you need to read it. It has everything from angst, to cute romantic moments, and ofc, omegaverse. I love @emeraldwaves​ and her writing, and she’s really outdone herself with this fic! 

Alright, so those were all the fics I’ve read recently or that I’m currently following, down below are links to some of my all time favorites! All these fics are gorgeously written, with plots that captivate me with every read. These are the fics I have saved, downloaded, and that I reread again and again. Please give them a look! 

I sure hope that guy gets fired (Iwaoi, T) ---all time favorite, like...shit idek

silver tongue (Iwaoi, E)

Mind Reader (Iwaoi, E)

you’re looking like you fell in love tonight (Iwaoi, T)

Sing For Me (Iwaoi, E)

Add New Contact (Daisuga, G) 

Requiem for the Moon (Kurotsuki, M) 

Police Dog (Kyouhaba, E) 

Being Gross (Kurotsuki, E) 

to the beat of my heart (Kurotsuki, E)

In Defense of Reptiles and Other Gross Things (Iwaoi, T)

Provocation Expert (Kurotsuki, M) 

And finally, I want to list a few authors here where yes, I recced a few of their individual fics, but honestly, all their fics are amazing. Like. They all need to be consumed. Read all their fics. They’re all top notch, all quality, you won’t be let down ever, I’m certainly not. The writing is incredible, the humor is there, and idek what else to say. I freak out for these authors and so should you! 

Ivyfics @ivyfics (I’m subscribed to like...way too many of Ivy’s fics, which is why none are mentioned above, but just know that I’ve read everything and constantly am dying for more, mmkay, thanks) 

timkons @90stimkon (A God for Every Season and Principles are some of the best fics ever, you can fight me on this) 

realmSpinner @rhealmobsidi (Everything. Like. Everything. I’m so excited for all the December fics that Kiko is going to post ffff) 

caelestisxyz @caelestisxyz (Again, everything. Amazing plots, heartbreaking angst, awesome endings)

EmeraldWaves @emeraldwaves​ (MY BETA AND MY BFF who has the best ideas and one of the loveliest writing styles) 

[sebeth]

Babs-a-thon, Part 3

Warning, Spoilers Ahead…

Batgirl Special (1988) by Barbara Randall and Barry Kitson.

Barbara Randall was the writer of Secret Origins #20.

We start with a Cormorant flashback: “Four years ago, Cormorant killed me.  I was so proud.  I thought I was cheating an assassin of his assignment.  But she wasn’t his target.  The bullets cut through my pride first.  In the pain, I completely forgot about his hostage. Luckily the girl ran away.  I saved myself.  He thought I was dead.  But he’d killed part of me, reduced my world to a haze of pain and self-protection.  I’d never been hurt before.  Not like that.  I’d been an innocent hero.  Cormorant changed that.’

I researched Cormorant and he debuted in Detective Comics #491 (1980) in the “Assassination of Batgirl” story.  I haven’t read the story and the images are a bit confusing.  We know from the Secret Origins flashback and from page 1 of the Batgirl special that Cormorant shot a dummy dressed like Batgirl and it fell from a building.  Bab’s narration implies that she herself was shot but the art doesn’t show any wounds. Has anyone read the original story – was Barbara actually shot?

I find it interesting that Barbara encountered many of the Gotham rogues and it’s a garden-variety assassin that deeply traumatized her.  I don’t doubt Barbara’s heroism but she did begin her Batgirl career with a “thrill of the adventure” motive.  Cormorant seemed to be her wake-up call that the vigilante lifestyle isn’t all fun and games.

We return to the present and Barbara has resumed her librarian career.  There is a dead man with a knife in his back laying in the aisle.

Bab’s immediately suspects Cormorant: “That was four years ago, but it never stops happening.  He’s been killing me in my dreams ever since. Every time I’m scared, I see him. Every time I dream of him, I wake up shaking.  And now this. A murder right under my nose, in my library.  Did he leave the hat to taunt me?  Does he know who I am?  Doesn’t matter.  This time I’ve got him cold.  Nice of him to leave his calling card.  Hope his head gets cold without it.”

There’s the Babs I know – she may be scared but she doesn’t back down from a challenge.

Barbara dispatches another librarian to call the police while she inspects the crime scene: “Cormorant’s behind this – I know it!  I should never have ignored him for so long.  How could I have been so stupid!  By not going after Cormorant after he tried to kill me, I’ve left him free to kill again!  He was my responsibility, and I’ve failed!  Well, now’s the time to fix things!”

The hat is a flimsy clue – Barbara’s trauma/fixation on Cormorant is causing her to exclude other suspects.

Babs removes a note from the dead body: “Sorry, guys.  But I know who the killer is and this may help me find him.”

Um, Barbara, you actually don’t know who the killer is.  Also, as the daughter of a police commissioner, you should know that removing possible evidence is a no-no.  It won’t to any good to catch Cormorant if you’ve removed evidence that could lead to his conviction.

The corpse is identified as David Scarrano.  Bab’s discovers he is the son Anthony Paul Scarrano a.k.a. General Scarr a.k.a. the man who hired Cormorant to assassinate Batgirl.

Babs researches David’s past: “He’s got a history of arrests without convictions – Scarr must be putting pressure on somebody big.  All his crimes are violent.  Cross-check shows all female victims.  His father must have decided he was becoming a liability and sent his top assassin after him.”

Barbara heads home and inspects her gear: “I have a particular routine I follow when I’m going to go out.  It’s a weapons check, but more.  My personality is also checked, reined in – I’m all business on a case.  After all, my life depends not only on careful preparation, but on my staying alert and aware…Everything checks out but me.  I’m so tired and scared I’ve got to sleep or I’ll tremble myself to death…Cormorant’s been quiet for years…Why’d he choose now to come back?  And what am I going to do when I see him?  What if he hurts me again?”

5:04 am: A body is dropped in front of the Gotham City Police 13th Precinct Station. The body has a note attached to it: “I don’t care for killing, but it must be done.  This man and others like him have committed foul crimes against woman and gone free.  If no one else will come forward to stop the abuse, the fear, them I must.  I am justice.  I am the hand that delivers womankind from fear with a single slash.”

Yeah, it’s safe to say Cormorant isn’t the killer.  Gotham media names the killer “Slash”.

9:05 am: Barbara is woken by the arrival of Marcy.  Marcy, Barbara’s childhood best friend, debuted in Secret Origins #20.

Babs is wearing a “U2” nightgown so Babs must be a fan of Bono and company.

Marcy has a few questions for Barbara: “What the hell do you think you’re doing?  Did you think I wouldn’t who ‘Batgirl’ was?  Do you think this is a game or something?  Did you ever stop to think about how worried I’d be when I found out you were out there risking your life just to get your jollies? Do you want to get yourself killed or something?”

Babs calms Marcy down and the girls spend the morning catching up.  Babs brings out a photo album that contains photos of Jason Bard.

Jason was the great romance of pre-Crisis Barbara.  Babs notes “Jason Bard.  I spent a lot of time with him.  We lost touch when I ran off to Congress.”

The above line indicates the Babs-Jason romance is over but early issues of Birds of Prey (written by Chuck Dixon) have the couple engaged.  Barbara reveals the engagement ended because Jason “couldn’t protect her” from the Joker.

I’m not sure how Jason would be able to protect Barbara as he wasn’t even in the building during the Killing Joke.  Let’s chalk it up to an out-of-character moment for Babs due to Chuck Dixon’s desire to kickstart the Babs-Dick romance.  Dixon needed to end Bab’s only major romance so he went with the easy option of “my man couldn’t protect me” route.  The engagement and subsequent break-up is completely unnecessary as the “Batgirl Special” states that the duo couldn’t make the long-distance relationship work.

Slash murders Mr. Iverson: “I have just killed you.  I have done this because of your crimes against women.  You will die here on the street, Mr. Iverson, and no one will help you. Just as no one could help them: Leticia Munoz, Crystal Kale, Kathryn Bautier.”

Slash is masked and sporting a trench coat and a Cormorant-style hat.  Slash later removes the coat revealing a Frances Kane-style costume with plenty of knives.  Slash is definitely female.

Barbara researches Cormorant’s current location – a home in Westchester County registered under the name of Edward Wells.  

Babs’ obsession with Cormorant continues.  The police and media have ascertained the killer is female but all Babs sees is Cormorant.

Babs heads to Westchester County to confront Cormorant: “If I don’t face up to him alone. I’ll never stop being afraid of him!  And I’ll never know if I could.”

Cormorant is watching tv as his bruised wife brings him dinner.  Cormorant receives a call – he has been hired to eliminate Slash.  The identity of the caller isn’t revealed but a safe bet would be General Scarr.

Cormorant’s excited to hunt Cormorant: “This Slash’s been pretty brave against unarmed men.  We’ll just have to see how she handles someone tougher…”

Batgirl cases the house from a nearby tree: “He’s cleaning weapons.  But I haven’t actually seen him commit any crimes.  Even if I know he’s guilty, I can’t attack him.  But he’ll try again, try to kill someone else. When he does, I’ll be ready for him. But not now.”

Marcy pulls up and orders Babs into the car.  Marcy wisely points out that Babs should call in Batman or the cops to assist her in the case.

The duo enter Gotham and Babs hears a scream.  Babs tracks the source of the scream only to discover Nightwing and Robin have beaten her to it.  Yay for Dick and Jason working together!

An anonymous woman hires Slash to kill Cormorant.  We can safely guess the identity of the woman.

Babs investigates the next likely murder victim – Anthony Caterino.

Marcy warns Babs: “You’ve got to watch it.  Being too obsessed can get in the way of your instincts.  Don’t blind yourself to the obvious.  You really need to ease off or you’ll crack!”

Marcy is full of great advice – it’s too bad we never see her again after this issue.  It’s established that Marcy has moved to Gotham but we never see her again.  Did Babs push Marcy away in the aftermath of the Killing Joke?

Batgirl interrupts Slash’s murder of Anthony Caterino.  Slash requests Batgirl to join her.  Babs informs Slash: “I catch them, not kill them.  I let the courts decide who’s guilty.

Slash gains the upper hand and murders Caterino.

Batgirl warns Slash: “Watch your back, woman.  I’m coming to get you.  I don’t buy your lies.  No killing is justified ever.”

“Once upon a time, Cormorant killed me.  I’ve been dying ever since.  But I’ve never let it stopped me.  Never. Until now.  Then the dream comes and he’s after me again, only now he’s got a partner.  They chase me and kill me, over and over and over again.  I’m too scared to stop them.  Why bother?  Just let them come and end the pain, end my…no.  I give up.  I’m tired of hurting.  God, I can’t feel my arm!  I can’t do this!  I give up. I quit.  Batgirl’s through.”

I love Bab’s characterization in the Crisis of Infinite Earths, Secret Origins, and the Batgirl Special.  Bab’s doubts and the struggles she endures ring true to me.  

Bab’s returns home and Marcy patches her up.  Marcy reminds Babs: “You’ve got your memory.  Your intelligence.  Use them.”

Despite the “I quit” moment from the night before Babs is back on the case: “I can’t stand the thought of leaving loose ends.”

Babs patrols from 1 am to 7am but doesn’t see any action as any potential encounter is resolved by another hero: “I’m just a minor force among heroes these days.  This city – this world – is well protected without my help.”

Barbara decides to leave the capture of Slash for the other heroes and focus on Cormorant: “When he’s caught, Batgirl can retire in peace!”

Batgirl confronts Cormorant at his house only to be interrupted by Slash.  A three-way brawl interrupts and Babs contemplates leaving: “I could just let them kill each other, then step in and sort out the pieces. No, that’s not what being a hero’s all about.”

Cormorant has Babs cornered and she throws a knife to save him from Slash: “Who do I save – him or myself? There’s no choice.  I can’t let anyone take a life I can save!”

Cormorant exclaims: “Hey! You knifed her!  You saved me! Just like all women, eh?  Pretend to hate men, then do anything to save us! Well, babe, I appreciate the save, but it doesn’t mean you’re off the hook!  I’m still gonna take you out…now, Batgirl, we’re gonna have some fun.”

Babs disgustedly states “No” and opens a can of whup-ass on Cormorant.

Cormorant’s wife hands Slash a gun while the duo fight.  Slash shoots Cormorant in the head.

Babs heads home and hands Marcy her Batgirl costume: “I just finished my last case.  Batgirl’s all finished.  There’re others out there now who can do this as well or better than me, with less pain.  I’ll help them, maybe without letting them know.  But I’m done going out there myself…It’s like starting a brand-new life, one where I don’t need this.”

Marcy wonders if “there’s another little Babs out there right now?”

Babs responds: “I hope not. But if there is, maybe I’ll talk her out of it.  Or give her the costume.”

DC had been attempting to retire Batgirl since the late 1970s.  The ‘Batgirl Special” nicely accomplishes it.  Babs has hung up the costume but can be brought back as Batgirl at any time.  We even have foreshadowing for an Oracle-type role or as a mentor to a new Batgirl.

The end of Barbara’s story, right?  Not exactly. Instead of leaving Barbara on a shelf where a future writer can remove for a story, she’s rudely stuffed into a fridge in “The Killing Joke”.

I’m not spending much time on the “Killing Joke”.  A subpar story with the only positive being Brian Bolland’s art.  The story is insulting to Babs – she’s off-handedly crippled by the Joker and the photos adds more salt to the wound.  Batman sharing a laugh with the Joker at the end? Completely infuriating!

Barbara receives a one-panel cameo in “A Death In The Family” when she attends Jason Todd’s funeral. Bet you’re not laughing now, Bruce!

Barbara was not close to the Wayne family at this point in the comics – she isn’t aware of Batman or either Robin’s secret identities so I assume she’s attending the funeral to support her father – a close friend of Bruce Wayne.  Babs is wheelchair-bound so “A Death In The Family” takes place soon after “The Killing Joke”.

Babs-a-thon part 4 will feature the early days of Oracle: Batman Chronicles, the Suicide Squad, and Showcase.

[a-man-adrift]

So, @lost-translator remains my fanfic-reading MVP, following The Anti-Agathics War chapter by chapter as I write it and putting insightful comments on each one and generally being deserving of hugs.  The most recent has more questions and comments than I can respond to on AO3 without blowing through the character limit for comments, so as I promised, I’m responding here!

This chapter kinda made everything clearer in my mind I think, probably because Liara has a more global view of the situation.

I’m really glad of this, ’cause it means I’m succeeding at one of the specific goals I set myself, at least to a certain extent.  One of my Opinions about the trilogy is that sometimes the writing makes the galaxy seems kind of small, so I’ve definitely set out to tell a Big Story, one that’s at least plausibly on a galactic scale (to the extent that us puny meatbags can imagine such a thing).  Of course, the danger with that is that I’ll have so much going on that the reader ends up getting lost, so I’m glad this chapter is helping ward that fate off.

I love your Liara

Me too!  ’S a shock, I know 😜

and the way you put hints of more private feelings through that little break (I wish I could go back to work that swiftly)

One of my headcanons about asari (many of which will be appearing in this post!) is that as well as being able to control their nervous systems practically fibre by fibre, so they can use biotics without needing implants, they are also capable of formidable mental discipline, especially if they’re super-awesomely-smart like a certain archæologist we both want to snuggle.  So if Liara wants to stop thinking about one thing and go back to another, she can generally just… do it.  Of course, there’s a limit to how much anyone can bottle up, so sometimes there are tears 😟.

and Samara's motherly instincts :D

Ah, here comes another headcanon right now: I picture Samara practically adopting Phil and Liara (with all manner of emotional Sturm und Drang, what with Samara having killed and lost two of her daughters, and Liara and Phil having killed and lost their mothers, respectively), particularly after the girls are born and she becomes their godmother, but also sooner than that.  One Scene from the Life of Phil Shepard I have planned starts with EDI telling Phil that Liara has gone into the Normandy’s starboard observation lounge, and Phil going… well, even paler than usual as it occurs to him that Liara’s brokered some shadows in ways a justicar might not necessarily approve of.  He races down there… and finds Liara already curled up fœtally with her head in Samara’s lap, tearfully telling the story of Benezia’s death.

I also plan to write Phil and Liara taking Terri and Nezzy to Lesuss to visit Auntie Falere! 😁

I still haven't figured out how Shepard's plan with Halina fits into that, not sure I should have but if I get the time I should really go back and give everything another read!

Liara is mostly letting Shep and Ashley look after that end of things, but I did work a couple of lines into this chapter that foreshadow things Halina will get up to in the next couple of chapters 😉

And so knowledge can be exchanged through melding without having to learn it? I think I remember reading Phil learned Liara's languages from it :o That'd be interesting! Do you have an idea if they can control what they want to teach the other person?

Yup, the languages thing is in A Hill of Beans, and this is the face of A Man Adrift in a sea of warm fuzzies that you remembered: 😄.

It won’t surprise you to learn that I have some pretty detailed headcanons about the whole asari melding thing (in fact one of the reasons I’m so into this fandom is that I wish that it was how human sex worked…)

So, I see it as a spectrum, running from the lightest meld, where either party has to think ��loudly” and clearly if you want your thought to get across, or focus on what you’re experiencing through one particular sense to share it, down to the full union (which is the kind that can result in pregnancy), where you share… everything, to the point that while it’s going on you forget which of you is which, and afterwards you have basically all of one another’s memories, as I describe for Phil and Liara in Love at the Speed of Thought and the beginning of Family.

(Incidentally, I headcanon that this is why nobody ever had to try and genophage the asari, despite the fact that any one of them will have potentially centuries of fertility in which to overpopulate the galaxy: finding someone you’re willing to share yourself with to that extent is hard, to the point that many asari simply never would if it weren’t for the fact that they tend tohave a fairly hellacious biological clock thing going on during the peak of their matron days.)

With a less… intense joining, where the parties retain their sense of identity and intentions, yes, they can steer the meld in the direction of something specific that they want to share (particularly the asari party, what with that mental discipline I mentioned, plus the fact that they obviously get more practice at the whole thing).  Liara does this in Chapter 2 of TAAW when she shares her memories of Aethyta’s death with Phil.

Because of this, light melds needn’t be sexual, although of course sharing physical sensations with your partner does heighten the experience, as I’ve posted about before, so there’s a fairly nudge-nudge wink-wink connotation to it no matter what purpose it’s put to.  I headcanon that one debate that’s been on-going for millennia in asari society is about the extent to which it’s OK for teachers to use the meld pedagogically: most communities agree that it’s not for those who teach children (some think it’s inappropriate in the same way that a human teacher hugging and kissing their pupils a lot would be; others think it can become a crutch, keeping the child from developing good learning habits and/or hiding the fact that the teacher kind of sucks at getting the material across without it!)

‘Teaching’ melds are considered a little more acceptable for adult learners, but there are still safeguards in place: at a minimum the express and affirmative consent of the student needs to be clearly established, and at some universities teachers aren’t allowed to make the offer: the student has to request it.  Older universities, like Serrice, have a tradition that by the time Liara and Taurien are students there is considered a bit of an embarrassment, of using the meld for teaching unless the student specifically requests otherwise, and in days gone by of bringing all kinds of social pressure to bear to get them to consent to it.

Finally, asari attitudes to joining are roughly as variable as human attitudes to physical contact.  At one end of the spectrum you have the equivalent of humans who hug people they’ve just met: asari who will offer to start a light meld just to help a conversation go smoothly, and who, if they like the thoughts that you share, will drag you off and get down to some serious sharing of… sensations at the drop of a hat.  At the other end, you have, well, Liara, who I headcanon is an introvert and the asari equivalent of a demisexual: the only kind of meld she’s interested in is one at least deep enough to share any old thought that happens to cross either mind, shared with someone whose mind she likes hanging out in enough to take it all the way.

Serrice was… challenging for her in some ways, what with Taurien good-naturedly suggesting that they might want to fool around a bit by night, and tutors sighing theatrically by day at the prospect of having to get their ideas across by just… talking.  But it’s the pre-eminent university basically anywhere in the Republics, and of course as such it has an enviable reputation throughout Council Space, so on the whole Liara thinks it’s worth it to have her doctorate from there.  The fact that she spent the next seventy-odd years seeking out the most remote and solitary archæological digs she could find is purely coincidental…

Hoooo-kay, that ran long.  Congratulations to anyone who read it in its entirety!

[renatorizzuti]

Spotlight on Cleo Berry: Actor/Singer

Interview by Renato Rizzuti

Cleo Berry is known as “the funny guy.” During the course of this interview, Cleo is shown be much more than that! A well trained and passionate actor that has a great attitude towards acting and towards life! Cleo’s well thought out and thorough answers reveal a dynamic actor and a lover of life! 

Renato: You were born in Little Rock, Arkansas, USA, on February 10, 1984. This makes you an Aquarius from an astrological point of view. I was born on February 12 which also makes me an Aquarius. What qualities do people born under that sign possess that makes the person perfect for an acting profession? Is this personally true in your case? 

Cleo: First, Happy Belated birthday my Aquarian brother. As you know, Aquarians are known to be deep thinkers, very intellectual and generally just want to help the world be a better place. These are qualities that I bring into my everyday acting career. I have to think deeply about the character. What are their quirks? What makes them tick? What’s their motivation for life? What do they want most of all in the project? I fully believe that being an intelligent person is an asset as an actor. There’s tons of reading scripts and studying. It’s almost like full time college. We’re constantly preparing a group project that we have to perform in front of the class for a grade or in my case a job booking. But I absolutely love it. No complaining here. And I think we as actors are merely putting a mirror up to society and showing them parts of our humanity. Sometimes it’s a drama and sometimes it’s a comedy but we’re always trying to be as true to life and the character as possible. 

Renato: Was there a person or thing that inspired you to be an actor during the 18 years you spent in Little Rock? 

Cleo: I’ve always attended an Arts school. From first grade through college, I’ve been immersed in performing arts. So, I caught the acting bug in sixth grade when my elementary school took out our music class to a dinner theatre matinee show to see my music teacher perform Nancy in “Oliver!” It was there that I saw actors my age singing, dancing and acting. I instantly knew that I wanted to do that too. A few days later, while in music class, I asked my teacher how I could do it too. She helped my mom and I get me into a training camp over that summer. I’ve been on this path, since then. 

Renato: You moved to New York at age 18. What motivated you to make the move? How did you feel about the move? 

Cleo: Yes, I left LR for NYC at eighteen because I needed more training. The best trained there. So, I applied and auditioned and was accepted into the musical theatre training program at AMDA (NYC). I was excited about the move. The fact that 9/11 had just happened the previous year didn’t scare me at all. 

Renato: You graduated from The American Musical and Dramatic Academy (NYC). What is the most important thing you learned about acting there and was there a particular instructor who inspired you?                                   

Cleo: Most important things that I learned is how to break down a script and a song. I hated all the monotonous work of creating a character while in school but it definitely helped me with establishing my own short cut to getting to the heart of a character, scene. Darren R. Cohen is the acting instructor who I learned the most from. From my first semester there, Darren helped mold me. He absolutely let me be me and guided me through my schooling. He even created a cabaret show for me and three other students after we graduated. His belief in me is something that I still wear like a badge of honor.

Renato: You missed your graduation from the Academy to go to a feature film callback. What factors did you take into consideration when you made that decision?                                                                                                                   

Cleo: I was paying to attend a performing arts conservatory with the hopes of getting acting work once completed. I had the opportunity to land a lead in a film. It was something that I couldn’t pass up. I did not book the job but I proved to myself how bad I truly wanted my dream to happen.

 Renato: You made a name for yourself as “the funny guy” in numerous commercials and promos. What qualities do you possess that make you ideal as “the funny guy?” How do you personally feel about being “the funny guy?” What higher life purpose do “funny guys” serve or in other words what do “funny guys” do for the rest of humanity? 

Cleo: I’m a rotund guy with a big smile. I’m also quite funny, when prompted. Those are the qualities I possess to work in commercials. I love commercials. Great work, if you can get it. Being funny pays but I don’t think I’m serving any purpose other than selling a product. I certainly hope that if someone out there is having a bad day, and they see a hilarious commercial it brightens their day. Flips it around. But that’s pressure I don’t put on myself.

Renato: You also excel in dramatic roles and have worked with award winning actors such as Hugh Laurie, Glynn Turman and Ving Rhames. From an acting point of view how are dramatic roles different from comedic roles? I what ways are they similar? Given a choice, would you choose comedy or drama? 

Cleo: For me, dramatic roles are easier. I love being in that raw, real space of a role. With comedy, no matter what you do, it’s gotta be funny. With both drama and comedy you’ve gotta be open and readily available for what the scene and story demands. Sometimes, comedy gets to be a bit stressing to me. Coincidentally, it’s also the easiest for me to perform. If given a choice, I would pick drama 7 out of 10 times.

Renato: Name one of your favourite comedic roles.

 Cleo: Captain Chandler on “Young & Hungry!” I thought that character was absolutely hilarious. And I got to do a bit of physical comedy. Which is something that I love.  To view, click on link: https://www.imdb.com/videoplayer/vi2092219161

Renato: Name one of your favourite dramatic roles and explain why.

 Cleo: Daryl Fisher on Monday Mornings! I got to act opposite Ving Rhames. He’s been a favorite actor of mine for a very long time. Also, the character I played went through hell and back. Love playing those kinds of characters.To view, click on link: https://www.imdb.com/videoplayer/vi2092219161

Renato: You were in two Super Bowl commercials. As far as commercial acting is concerned that is quite an achievement! How did you feel being in a Super Bowl commercial? How do you feel about doing commercials in general? 

Cleo: Yes, I was in a Super Bowl commercial for Tide. It turned out great and was the big spot everyone was talking about. This year, I did a Super Bowl spot for Pampers. Got to act and sing with John Legend and Adam Levine. Super cool.  The Super Bowl is the top of the commercial realm. Something I always wanted to achieve. Very thankful to finally be able to cross it off my vision board.

Tide, to view click on link: https://www.imdb.com/videoplayer/vi2225322265

Pampers, to view click on link: https://youtu.be/S9A9Uw9e2p8

Renato: Your bio refers to your “stunning tenor singing voice.” Can you tell us which musical performance has been a highlight of your career?

Cleo: Playing Horton on a National Tour of “Seussical The Musical” was awesome! I loved traveling around the country to all the cities and towns and putting up a show. No performance video as it was over 10 years ago but it was a great show and cast.

Singing video, to view click on link: https://youtu.be/4f5UGb_7Yls

 Renato: You studied Taekwondo and played football. Can you tell us how the discipline learned through sports can be carried over to acting?

Cleo: It’s all about practice and performing at your best. It’s goal driven as well. Block or tackle in football. Break the wood board in Taekwondo and Booking in the Acting world.

Renato: Acting involves mental and physical work. How do you keep prepared for both?            

Cleo: I work with a terrific acting coach when I need to tune up or need help with the development phase of a character. Physically, yes, I do have to get some exercise on my weekly calendar. It’s tough but I make it happen.

Renato: Are there any upcoming projects you would like to tell us about?

Cleo: Yes, I have a project that comes out February 13 on YouTube Premium called “Weird City.” I play an awesome character named Dirg. That’s about all I can say. It’s written and executive produced by Jordan Peele (Get Out) and Charlie Sanders (Key and Peele). Love the way that they write. Definitely give it a watch. I’m guest starring in the third episode of season one.

Trailer, to view click on link: https://youtu.be/raJJbbiKtlY

My episode, preview only, (the first two episodes of the series are free but  you have to pay to watch the 3rd and remaining episodes of the series), to view click on link: https://youtu.be/y-MnuR0n1R8

Renato: Any social media links or other links that you would like to include?

Cleo: Please follow me on my verified Twitter account: @CleoBerry I’m not on any other social media sites.

Renato: Your personal quotation is, “I’m like the Energizer Bunny…you tell me I can’t do something and I keep going and going… until I do it!” Was there a situation in your life that you put that into play?

Cleo: When I was venturing out on my own at eighteen and embarking on school and a professional career, I would always tell myself this. I knew I’d come up against a multitude of brick walls, No’s and who are you’d! So, I’d remind myself to keep going. 

Renato: In general, what is your philosophy of acting?

Cleo: To get to the heart and truth of the character without judgment. Sounds easy but we all have our prejudices and quirks. Sometimes it’s tough to put yourself on hold and put a character on. Buts it’s something that must be done to effectively live as that role.

Renato: In general, what is your philosophy of life?

Cleo: To live, love and explore.

Renato: You won a special recognition at The Boston International Film Festival. What was that for? 

Cleo: The film I was in won Special Recognition. The indie film was called “Mow Crew.” It was my first lead in a movie and we shot on location in Martha’s Vineyard for a month. At the time, it was the first film to shoot on the island since “Jaws.” The locals were amazing and I can’t wait to get back there.

Renato: Thank you very much for your time and all the best to you!

[andreaeppolitoevents]

How to Tell If a Wedding Planner (or Pro) is Real

With so many instagram accounts and social media profiles “sharing” other people’s work, how can you tell if what you are looking at is truly the work of the wedding pro you are considering?

If you have read the book “Steal Like An Artist” by Austin Kleon, you know that there is very little in the world that is completely, wholly original. As artists and creatives, we are inspired by the world around us. To be inspired by the world is to take that which you see and make it better. I take colors, textures, and patterns and I mix them in a new way. I make note of the weddings, events, and interior designs that I love so that I can dissect and dismantle them. I break the world into tiny pieces, and then put it back together in a way that - hopefully - makes people feel things other than that which they felt before. This is not theft. It is inspiration and, in so many ways, art. I honor the work that has come before me by pushing it further.

Theft in the wedding and event space is about showing work that is not your own and failing to properly credit the appropriate individuals. It is taking an idea or an image and knocking it off in a way that degrades the value of the original work. When I talk to my clients about design, I find myself saying, “You wouldn’t carry a knock off Chanel or YSL bag. Why would you pay for a knock off wedding?” My advice for clients and creatives alike is always this: Be better. Be better than Pinterest. Be better than Instagram. You deserve more than a knock off; especially a bad one.

How do you as a couple know whether or not the work a wedding pro is showing is actually theirs?

Over the last month, many of us have been made aware of the fact that our work has been “stolen” and is being shared by other wedding pros as their own. As a professional and a business owner, it is incredibly frustrating to see work be abused in such a cavalier manner. Many of us have dedicated our lives to the pursuit of this work. We have spent decades honing our craft and invested thousands of dollars and countless hours in order to develop ourselves as creatives. Our ability to see the world in an utterly unique way, to imagine a world more beautiful than the one we live in, and to manifest that into reality is an artform. Having it pilfered and passed around as if it is nothing is not only wrong, but incredibly hurtful. It is hard to understand how one professional can do this to another.

As maddening as it is for us as creatives, the real damage to is to our clients. Newly engaged couples begin their search for inspiration online. Social media sites such as Instagram and search engines such as Pinterest are the go-to sources of inspiration for brides and grooms. Couples find an image they love, trace the clicks back to a website, and book a particular vendor based on what they have seen online. The relationship starts with a lie, and nothing good can come from that place. As the process moves forward, couples find themselves struggling with their vendor (be it a planner, designer, photographer, etc.) because the hired team cannot meet their expectations. There is a gap between the perceived talent of the vendor and their actual ability. The faulty pro has sold their clients a lie, and the unknowing couple is left confused about where they have gone wrong. This leads to heartbroken clients and a negative impression of our beloved wedding industry.

So how can you, as a couple and potential client, determine if the work you are seeing online is truly the work of the professional you are considering? Here are three ways that you can suss out the legitimacy of a wedding professionals’ presented work:

5 Tips for Validating a Wedding Pro’s Authenticity

COMPARE: Compare the image you love to the rest of the wedding pros portfolio. Does the image you love fit in with the rest of their presented work? Wedding planners will plan to the desires of their clients, but there should be a sense of style and a vibe that carries through their work. For example, I love production. My weddings will all feature a major design element and there will be a sense of transformation and storytelling. My images are captioned with ways that explain how and why I created a certain environment. Every element I add to a design is personally vetted, and there is a reason behind each decision I make. As , have a very specific style and vibe. Their composure, the lighting, and the way in which they frame their subjects will have a thread of consistency. If you look at a photographer’s site and there are inconsistencies in the filter and tone of the images, it is a good indicator that the work you are seeing may not be theirs.

FOLLOW THE FEED: Scroll through the feed of the company you are considering in search of other images from the same wedding or event. Legitimate pros will have multiple photos of the same wedding, and those photos will also appear on their website. Beware of new accounts that are featuring over the top work that appears to be their own. New businesses need time to develop their own original portfolios. If you see something that you adore but the pro seems too new to have perhaps produced it, reach out and ask about the origin. Some new businesses have approval to share work they contributed to while they were employed with another company. In that case, the pro will likely direct you to the original source and explain how they worked on the project. Always double check, and ask the actual wedding planner or photographer what they can tell you about the posting pro’s involvement.

IMAGE SEARCH: Did you know that you can search for an image via google? Simple drag the image you love into the search bar and do a little digging. You would be able to trace back the original origin of the photo, and also see where else the image has appeared. Pay particular attention to weddings that have been published by third party blogs and magazines, as the editors will list the legitimate vendors that were involved in the project.

TAGS AND COMMENTS: From time to time, vendors will share the work of other pros to showcase inspiration or to highlight a relationship. Legitimate vendors will note clearly that the work they are sharing is not their own. They will list detailed credits in the captain and note that the images and videos shared are not from events that they have produced. However, less scrupulous people will share work without specifically saying who it belongs to. They will craft comments and captions that make it seems as if they did the work, and they will “hide” the real vendors as tags in the image. This is tricky, as the poster will say things such as “I never claimed it was mine” or “well, I tagged you in the image” to deflect responsibility. I know that it sounds crazy, but you should always do your due diligence and ensure that there are no hidden tags or credits that you may be missing.

ASK FOR FULL SET OF IMAGES: It is very easy for someone to repost one piece of work and claim it as their own. It is much more difficult to hijack an entire gallery. While qualifying your vendors, ask to see the full set of images from the weddings you love. Not just the public gallery that they are showing; ask for the full set of images. Wedding pros who have actually worked an event will have their own behind the scenes photos they can share.

It may sound like a lot of work, but vetting your wedding professionals - especially your wedding planner - is one of the most important things you will do while building your team. Hire the right person with the right credentials - one that also sees the world as you wish it were - and you are all but guaranteed to love not just the final product, but the process. However, if you fall victim to someone who claims work that is not their own or that overly embellishes their experience, and you are likely doomed to find yourself steeped in regret. (For a real-couple’s account of their experience having hired the wrong wedding planner, watch my VIDEO or listen to my PODCAST.)

How can we as wedding professionals protect ourselves from unsavory “pros” who pass our work off as their own?

Perhaps you are wedding professional that has had your work “borrowed” by your competition; what then? Every established wedding professional that I know has experienced this. Some attempt to prevent theft and unauthorized usage by putting large logos and watermarks on their images. This is an awful look and prevents the real pros from properly showcasing their art. Additionally, anyone who wants to take any image can and will easily get around a logo. I do not believe in compromising the work to prevent the bad behavior of others. I do believe in addressing the behavior, however, and doing your best to stop others from being actively injurious.

I am not a lawyer, but I have taken the following steps with great success over the years:

If you find that your work is being used without your consent, the first thing to do is to send a message directly to the offending party. Let them know that you have become aware of their unauthorized use of your work. State clearly that you do not give this person permission to use your image/video/design/words and request that they take it down. Next, you should reach out to all of the pros that worked on the wedding or event in question and let them know that another business is sharing their work inappropriately and without credit. In my experience, other vendors will be just as disgruntled by this action as you are, and they will also reach out to the offending party. Peer pressure is a powerful influence, and often encourages the poster to remove the images they have posted. If, after all this, you still find that your work has not been removed, make your plea public. Post a comment on the image that clearly states that the work being is yours, and that it does not belong to the posting business. Request that they remove the image and make a note to follow up and ensure that they take it down. Screengrab the image, and keep a detailed record of your requests and the business’ response to them. If a week passes with no resolution, you can escalate your request by sending a cease and desist letter. In layman’s terms, “cease” means to stops doing something and “desist” advises them not to resume the behavior. This type of notification will typically be the last step you need to take in order to resolve the issue. After this, you need to either bring in an actual attorney or you need to let it go.

Personally, I struggle in letting things like this go. But I also believe that every moment I spent policing the behaviors of others takes away from the time and energy I can put into creating something new. That doesn’t mean that I stand by and allow others to wantonly steal my work. It just means that I won’t allow them to steal my time or my joy along with it.

Instead, we fight the good fight. We do the best we can. We share the work of others to celebrate them and to share inspiration, and we protect that which we created in honor of not only our work, but for the clients that we created it for. Anything else disrespects the process, the journey, and the story. If we fail to honor those things, then we have nothing. And pretty without purpose will always fall flat.

And so my engaged friends, continue to seek inspiration online. Pin the photos you love, save the Instagrams that inspire you, and use the many resources available online to educate yourself about who you are working with and what you are buying. Buy from and work with the best, and remember that integrity and art are a winning combination.

Always….

PS - My friends at Anee Atelier recently published their own account of having not only their work but their entire site plagiarized. (You can read their incredible article here).

[angrycollectordaze-me-blog]

作业代写：The influence of mental state on singing

下面为大家整理一篇优秀的essay代写范文- The influence of mental state on singing，供大家参考学习，这篇论文讨论了心理状态对歌唱的影响。从心理学角度来讲， 歌唱是心境和情感的艺术，是歌唱者内心思绪和情感的表现方式。歌唱既要灵活又要准确，同时还要学会放松自己，需要一个稳定的心理状态，良好的心理素质来达到预期的效果。所以，歌唱时人们的心理状态或心理素质的好与坏对歌唱效果起到非常重要的决定性作用。

Singing is one of the manifestations of human activities, which is always carried out in a certain psychological background, and psychology always has a positive or negative impact on the singers. To cultivate a good singing psychology requires the establishment of moderate self-confidence, high attention and strong willpower, so that a work can be easily performed when fully adjusted in these aspects.

In vocal music teaching, people often pay more attention to the training of various skills, skills, emotional expression and other aspects of singing, while it is easy to overlook another important issue, that is, the role and influence of psychological quality on singing and teaching. From the point of view of psychology, singing is the art of mood and emotion, and is the inner thought and emotional expression of the singer.

The human brain governs all human activities, and the functions of the brain include the mind. Singing is a combination of various actions that are coordinated by human respiration, vocalization, resonance, language, hearing and so on. All these activities are controlled and coordinated by human's advanced nervous system, namely human brain, and are performed through the coordination of the whole. Singing needs to prepare the resonant cavity body, so that those muscles that can make the resonant sound in a stable state can coordinate activities with the vocal cords. They should be flexible and accurate, and learn to relax themselves at the same time. Therefore, the good and bad psychological state or quality of people in singing will play a very important and decisive role in the training, learning and the perfect singing effect. Therefore, we must set up correct ideas and concepts, cultivate good singing psychology, relax and be nervous, nervous and relaxed, which is an important prerequisite for learning singing and an important method for singers to grasp and practice hard.

There are many psychological factors related to vocal music singing, which are affected by everyone's personality, emotion, volitional songs and other aspects. The relationship between psychological factors and vocal music singing is discussed in the following aspects.

Psychologically speaking: personality is an important aspect of people's personality and psychological characteristics. In terms of personality characteristics, extroverted people are more lively, cheerful, active and communicative. This kind of personality people are not easy to develop stage fright for a long time. And introverted person, on the other hand, because the singers of the introverted, timid, is not a good performance in front of the public and to show their personality psychological characteristics, and the face of the people singing psychological stress in singing performance because the singer made a failure experience, after failure of reaction is very sensitive, fear a repeat in singing and ideological pressure big, form the psychological barrier singing. Most people who engage in vocal music are in the middle of both types.

The emotion of the singer - joy, anger, sadness, music and other aspects, directly or indirectly affect his vocal performance. Emotion is a subjective psychological activity based on physiology. When singing, the vocal organs of the singers are completely normal, but when they have abnormal emotions, it is difficult to sing a song successfully and completely. Therefore, emotion has a great influence on singing. Singers if you can keep the mood optimistic, of course, also have to have good professional skills, so that both together will be in high spirits, and even photographed, on the other hand because the singer to his own expectations too high, or vanity and other distractions, lest slip in singing and make the mental burden, cause psychological extremely nervous. Will bring about the mood of depression, play is bound to be lost in training at the right time. Therefore, when the emotion has the hindrance, the singer should correct the singing psychology, put aside all the thoughts that have nothing to do with singing, mobilize the positive emotion factor, try to adjust himself to the best singing state.

Will is the psychological quality of regulating and controlling one's actions. Will has a great influence on singing. In the field of vocal music performance, the most prominent performance is the singer's mental state. As mentioned above, there are some singer although have excellent singing skills, techniques, and sober mind, the thoughts and feelings expressed by the music will also be able to fully understand, but because of the will is not strong enough, thought too nervous, like a taut strings, with each stage or in class to highly tense mood, cannot play at normal levels. Over time, psychological barriers will form, even serious, which will inevitably affect normal singing. Therefore, in singing, we must combine the "conscious" control with the "subconscious" control that has a certain purpose and becomes a natural habit. In the usual singing training class, to strengthen the "subconscious" control of the training, the natural formation of the "subconscious" over time.

There is no doubt that the strength of confidence is closely related to a person's knowledge, skills, and proficiency. In the cultivation and exercise of good psychological quality of singing, the better psychological quality is also the motivation to develop skills and skills. People with professional vocal training tend to have more confidence than people without training, and people with high vocal skills tend to have more confidence than people with poor vocal skills. The more confidence, the more relaxed the mind, the higher the singing level; The less confidence, the more nervous the mind, the worse performance. Practice has proved that only when you master vocal music skills can you have confidence, have confidence and be calm and calm.

Before each performance, it is very important for the singers to prepare well and practice hard. In particular, they must be very skilled in the songs they want to sing. In addition, music should be added to the accompaniment, so as to achieve tacit cooperation with music or the accompaniment, so as to avoid the panic caused by the disconnection with music in singing. In particular, the singer must choose the right song according to his singing ability and vocal condition. Especially when performing on the stage for the first time, it is best to choose songs that are often sung, which are not difficult, familiar to the audience and have good singing effects. In the performance of skills, we should leave enough room for ourselves.

In addition, must strive to participate in the singing practice, so that they psychologically adapt to music performance environment. If you are ready to perform on the stage, you should not hesitate. As long as you are fully prepared, you should believe in yourself, relax your mind and body completely, remove unnecessary thoughts and worries, and establish the confidence that "I will sing successfully". And once you've had a successful performance, your confidence will build up and you won't be afraid of the stage. Therefore, we say that confidence is one of the spiritual strength and spiritual support for a person's success and one of the healthy psychological qualities.

In the process of singing performance, attention must be highly focused. In the scene of music, attention should always be focused on the emotional expression of the song. "Having me" is to create the character from the perspective of self, and to capture the image of the character "without me". It is to turn the singer into a character when entering the specified scene, and use the real feelings to reflect the character's emotions and emotions.

Strong will power is also the most powerful magic weapon to eliminate tension. It has been proved by practice that the strong-willed and brave people are more generous, decisive, calm and calm when they perform on the stage. They can be bold and open to perform. On the contrary, people with weak willpower and cowardice, when performing on the stage, will panic and hesitate, and their performance will be completely different from that of ordinary people. This shows that singing requires a strong will.

Most artists at home and abroad have a persistent pursuit and strong emotion for their career, which started from interest. It can be said that any successful singer is full of love for music and has a strong singing desire to pursue his goals. The strong desire of singing can make all parts of the function fully mobilize the excitement, what the singers think of is to express the thoughts and feelings of the song rather than the skills and techniques of vocal music. It can be said that singing from the heart and full of passion is the bridge to the highest level of vocal performance art creation, and it can also help you forget tension, restraint and cowardice. With a strong desire to sing, it is natural to dilute the tension of singing.

In the training and training of good psychological quality of singing, singing with emotion also plays an active role. Due to the excitement of the singing is a kind of art creation activity, so when the singer's voice and sincere emotion, and the feelings of work required to perform with his feelings, his facial expression will focus on singing without any other thoughts, all has nothing to do with the singing of anxiety, vanity, etc because of its reveling in the stage of art emotion and thrown in, so as to get rid of the psychological stress caused by physical tension, thus in the excited state of mind with ease to use their voice, sing a wonderful song.

In conclusion, a good mental state of singing plays a vital role in the study of vocal music. Only on the premise of a good mental state can the study of vocal music be conducive to mastering the skills and skills of singing. As an old saying goes, "to convey emotion with sound" and "to bring emotion with emotion" to achieve "to convey emotion with emotion", it is obvious that "sound" refers to the physiological performance of the finger, while "emotion" refers to the rich psychological activities. It can be seen that a good mental state of singing can not only enable us to better master vocal music skills, but also more correct, standardized and perfect performance of vocal music art.

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[msbrittanykay-blog]

Tarragon Audition Posting and Monologues, Sides from the Audition for the Next Stage Festival

Entry 1

Artifact: Material from Auditions

Reading: Eberle, Scott, “Elements of Play:Toward a Philosophy and a Definition of Play”

My main goal for this week’s quest was to really understand the difference between work and play. How is auditioning like play or how could I make it more playful? If my work is playful in its essence, then when is it work and when is it play? Is understanding this difference only heightening my insecurity with my work? Did I even have to scrutinize it? Was doing this assignment and taking a closer look at my lack of joy in my work just causing me more anxiety? I had two auditions this week, one for Tarragon Theatre and one for a musical in The Next Stage Festival.

Taking a closer look at my process before, during and after two auditions through the lens of Scott G. Eberle’s “The Elements of Play Toward a Philosophy and a Definition of Play,” I was able to understand that simply establishing a definition of play in the first place is just as hard as determining its presence or lack thereof in my own work. The definition of play is troublesome, because “even if a list of attributes such as ours could be entirely clearcut, however, to make an inventory of traits is not truly to define play any more than to say ‘a rose smells sweet’ defines a rose” (Eberle 216). While I do enjoy the Shakespeare reference, the beginnings of this reading only frustrated me. I was still struggling with trying to analyze my work and this wasn’t helping. Ultimately, I agreed with many of his ideas and theories on the difficulty of coming up with a workable definition and his own solution helped me to explore the dichotomy that existed for me.

In the face of Eberle’s personal challenges in defining play, he instead created a list of six elements that unfold in play. I used these elements to explore whether my work fits into them.

1. Anticipation: “Play begins in anticipation, in an imaginative, predictive, pleasurable tension” (Eberle 222). It is those moments I look forward to the most. I am almost giddy when I feel anticipation from waiting in the wings before my cue is called during a performance or rehearsal, as if my nerves are butterflies fluttering through me. I feel that sense of adrenaline rush when I wait in a waiting room for the moment they call my name to come in to audition. Because of these sensations, I see that my job has aspects of play here, as it fully encompasses this particular element. This element also helped me see that the preparation I can take into developing my craft can also help create a sense of play, as Eberle himself explains, “this state of readiness, of anticipation, whether mild or intense, already feels rewarding as it makes way for play” (223). I did not appreciate my prep work as having any part of a state of play until reading this. I have based my lifelong learning philosophy on advice that was given to me a long time ago: preparation meets opportunity.  Which for my acting career, means that when you are met with an audition or chance for a part in a play, you will already be prepared before that opportunity is given.  It means being open and being ready. Eberle’s elements allow me to adjust that attitude towards a sense of play when he says, “ to prepare for play is to begin to play; to ready for play is already to be at play” (222).

2. Surprise: Eberle uses words on his chart like “discovery,” “thrill,” and “excitement” (221) under the category of surprise. These terms are deeply ingrained in the work that I do as an actor. I would categorize my work under this element because every performance is always going to be different. As I react to and play off of the energy of a live audience, it can change my performance. When working on a role in a rehearsal, there are always discoveries to be made. So much of playing a scene is looking for the discoveries that the characters make along the way. These discoveries are inherently thrilling and exciting as I play off another actor because it’s always going to feel different or new as we play. Acting is always surprising because there is so much improvised on the spot, even when following the most exacting script. Even going into an audition is full of surprise because I never know how I will end up interact with the director or the reader playing the scene with me. So much depends on adapting to what I discover about them. I as a player “prolong and perpetuate play by helping ensure it is open-ended” (Eberle 223).

3. Pleasure: “functions as the keystone or hub of play, both as a defining trait and an incentive to play some more” (Eberle 223). If acting was not fun, not joyful and didn’t bring a sense of immense happiness to my life and wellbeing, I don’t think I would be able to participate in the field. The craft is stressful enough that if there wasn’t a concomitant experience of spiritual and emotional reward, I would have given up on it long ago.  Pleasure is an integral part of play. My deep rooted joy of make-believe came from my happiness as a child playing house. That roleplaying has followed me throughout my life and strongly manifested in my career choices and personal direction because it has always been so much fun.

4. Understanding: “delivers emotional and intellectual bonuses—enlarging both our talent for empathy and our capacity for insight” (Eberle 224). An actor’s job revolves around empathy and the ability to develop a deep understanding of the human mind and characteristics that make us who we are. When preparing for a role, it is crucial to consider the inner and outer aspects that make up a person. When playing a scene with another person, there is an “unmistakable mutual delight” because “play with others requires mutuality and sensitivity; these gifts are preconditions and credentials for play” (Eberle 224).

As I continue to look for relevance to my work in Eberle’s elements, I keep attempting to choose one of them as the defining characteristic that makes my job play. However, in making that attempt, I continue to find that they all inform one another. They all relate to each other as experiences. These elements can often be interdependent on one another or can otherwise be felt at the same time. When I am about to go on stage, there is a level of anticipation as I wait for my cue, hearing how the audience reacts in real time bears the element of surprise, which gives me an innate sense of pleasure as I portray a character who I’ve needed to emotionally connect with.  I think that’s why he chose to organize these six elements into a non-linear chart.

5. Strength: “ Play trains our physical skills, sharpens our mental abilities, and deepens our insights into our social capabilities” (Eberle 225). This is an element that feeds into confidence, which I have often been lacking as an adult actor. This element has made it hard for me to play. I didn’t have much of a sense of strength when I went into some auditions. I lost my confidence and in turn, a sense of myself. It also requires an insurmountable feat of strength to stay in the entertainment business and practice the art of  perseverance. I am constantly met with rejection and forced to build a thick skin when negative feedback comes my way. It’s been harder to not let these rejections puncture my sense of self, even though I’ve been constantly told since childhood to not let it affect me. I’m not sure how I’ve been able to handle it thus far, but I do know that this type of strength “require[s] that one must be flexible enough to be resilient, ingenious enough to avoid the rough spots, and lively enough to bend without breaking” (Eberle 225). I don’t think there is a more relatable and accurate quote that reflects my mental process. I recognize that acting is play, but when it comes to this element, acting feels the most like work. Practicing resilience is work.

6. Poise: “Fulfillment”(Eberle 221). Will I only ever feel this when I book a job? How will I stay happy in the interim, when time between getting gigs is becoming more and more vast? This last element is so hard to reach because I feel that is is associated with the contentment you get when you have the job, with the times when you’re on stage every night in front of an audience or a camera. This element is particularly hard for me. This element makes it hard for me to see my work as both play and a job. But if I look at it outside the confines of booking a job, and instead see the way I practise my craft and how it “feeds the mind, shores up the feelings, and tutors good social judgment— making us better rounded and more attractive” (Eberle 227), maybe then I can develop a new sense of self and mindset I have been lacking.

With all of this internal searching swirling in my head. I tried hard to think playfully. This forced notion only got me more into my head. Needless to say, both auditions did not go well. I was completely in my head. The pressure of doing well was heightened and everything I thought about in trying to be more playful and present went out the window. Why did this happen? I was so distraught and upset from my “failure” that it even led me into thinking that I shouldn’t be an actor anymore. That this lifestyle and constant disappointment was just too hard on my self esteem. That over sixteen years in the business was just too much. I had, had enough….

Then I sat down and considered this thought. Was I really ready to give it all up? Was being in the business really just about always getting the gig, or could I work towards something more playfully active? Could I find a state through this “assignment” that allowed me to exist in a more creative lifestyle. Maybe a more creative lifestyle would help me get past this sense of self judgement and just allow me to play and find presence in the room. I took more time to ponder the idea of wanting to give up acting. Something that has been so strongly associated with who I was and what defined me wasn’t worth giving up so easily. Family and loved ones who began to hear about this assignment commented, “oh this is going to be so good for you Brittany.”

“Perhaps we could more safely argue for play as an aspect—and a function of—human development play is surely practice for the body, exercise for the feelings, and training for the mind” (Eberle 8). This makes me think that instead of putting all the pressure onto the product or performance of the audition as the ultimate goal, I need to find ways that will develop my overall attitude towards acting and how it can become more fun. I need to find low pressure activities that will nurture my craft and help bring back the happiness I have so long associated it with. There are always classes and private coaching sessions I can participate in. In the next couple of weeks I will try to enrol in a wide variety of these, so that I can just focus on the craft rather than the potential hope of a job.

Reference: 

Eberle, Scott, “Elements of Play:Toward a Philosophy and a Definition of Play” American Journal of Play, 2014. http://www.journalofplay.org/sites/www.journalofplay.org/files/pdf-articles/6-2-article-elements-of-play.pdf