#don’t eat the stalkers donuts children!

[atthedugouts]

When we first meet Jimmy/Steve I was honestly scared for Fiona’s life. The way he immediately inserted himself into the family was scary and I was convinced something bad was going to happen. I did warm up to him and enjoy his Brazilian drug dealer storyline. I loved Beto. But I also couldn’t shake the stalker vibes from season one.

[lovely-necromancy]

A Cure for Insomnia CH. 8

TW

Mentions of SELF HARM. Please be aware before reading.

“Yeah, in the end Jenna Rosencali decided that she didn't want to invite Meghhan Levei to her birthday party. And that's what started the water balloon war at eight in the morning.” Little Jo said as she scrunched her curls trying to get them to dry somewhat uniformly.

The poor eleven year old had walked into the shop soaked down to the bone. Her cousin had rushed her straight into the break room to have her get dry and change clothes. Even running across the street to Dunkin' and get her favorite breakfast sandwich and donut. Then Jo had come out not even a minute after he left and proceeded to tell you what happened, knowing her cousin probably thought she'd been bullied.

But you were different, you didn't see her as a target at all. She likes to think you see her as a little sister, one who enjoys hanging out with you. As much as she likes to think that she understands you probably just see her as the boss' kid that you have to be nice to. You don't immediately jump to her aid when things look a certain way, like just right now. You waited to hear what she had to say rather than assuming someone was mean to her because she was different. Jo knows her family just wants to protect her but sometimes she just wants them to listen to her like you do.

“It's always Megans. Lemme guess name spelt weird.” like right now, you heard her.

“Yea she's got two 'h's in the middle. Meghhan.” she laughs as you roll your eyes. She tics and yanks on her hair as she's scrunching.

“Ouch” stupid tics.

“I've got some shea moisture in my locker in the break room, want me to grab it for you? It'd help with frizz.” another reason she likes you, it took a few days before you stopped checking on her tics, so long as she didn't have scissors.

Even her family haven't mastered that and they've been dealing with her Tourettes for six years.

“Please.”

She follows you to the back for the hair masque. Letting her take what she needed you place the jar back in your locker. Letting her know she's free to it in emergencies like this or rainy days. It's not like your locker was ever locked with just you and Nate being here. And you're pretty sure Nate dipped into this emergency hair saver as well. You didn't have an extreme need for it here it was just a habit you've kept from living in muggy humidity most your life.

“How's your week been?” Jo asked as she finally settled her hair how she liked it, with help from the masque.

She startles at the frustrated noise you make as you both leave the break room.

“Bad?” she questions.

“Sort of...there's...this..it's...”

Shit, you hadn't thought about your response. With all the stress this week you just reacted naturally to the question. Who can blame you, what with your stalker being on your mind all week, minimal amount of sleep, plus the weird interaction you'd had with Brian at the start of it. Then yesterday you topped off your stress with a healthy portion of more frustration driving up to the lodge after work to see if Barclay would like some help with cooking or even shopping for the picnic. Stubborn man sent you off with a hearty laugh after getting you opinion on the vegetarian/vegan main course, eggplant teriyaki or tofu and pineapple chipotle skewers.

“Oooooooh a boy.~” she might not be your actual sister...but you're starting to understand the Cain Instinct.

“Half right I guess.” Jo starts bouncing waiting to hear more, she's probably expecting some juicy relationship drama. Sucks for her that you are probably the world's most boring twenty-four year old, and you're content with that.

“Barclay's just frustrating sometimes.”

“Wait! You and Barcl-”

“Nope.” you interrupt, “I asked him if he needed help with any cooking for the picnic and he brushed me off.” You know he didn't mean anything by it and from what everyone said he could more than handle cooking for the amount of people just fine on his own. You'd just thought it'd be a nice gesture to offer, though you did hope he'd accept. He'd been pretty quick to turn you down, had you been any one else you may have even been insulted by the speed of the rejection.

“That's what's bothering you?” Jo's face held a very confused expression on it. It was understandable since not a lot actually bothered you, especially something as small as this. However, it's not like you could tell an eleven year old 'Yea I'm kinda being stalked right now and this week has me looking at every shadow and movement differently but fortunately or...unfortunately no one seems to notice and just brush it off as my hallucinations.'

Yup, totally not the thing you confide to an eleven year old about. Especially now that you have your plan all figured out. You've planned to let the stalker continue stalking you, picking up clues where ever they may leave them. They're bound to slip up at least once after a month of following you through your routines. Should be able to find evidence to have Big Jo help you in no time.

“Well no...I've just had a lot on my mind...”

“We can talk about it.” kid's got a kind heart, but this isn't her problem and you won't put it on her.

“Nah, it's fine.”

There's a pause as silence settles over the shop front. Jeez how long does it take to get an order from Dunkin'? Jo is staring at you as if she can see every part of your being. Breaking open your soul so all your secrets are laid out on display for her. You really don't like it, it feels like being under the microscope and it's making your skin get that familiar itch under it.

“Stop staring.” thankfully she does as you ask.

“...you said it's fine...are you going to be ok though?” Damn Montessori schools, actually allowing children to pick up on emotions and meanings behind linguistics.

You have to pause when you go to respond with the polite 'Yea I'll be good'...because you hadn't given it any real thought. You've made up this best case scenario plan. A plan that requires time and a lot of it. But you never gave thought to the fact that you might not have much time at all. What if the situation was more dire than you thought...what if this wasn't simply a stalker but a serial killer and you happen to fit his MO. A cult who was looking for the perfect sacrifice for their god. And while those thoughts could also be far fetched so is the scenario that you've built up for this past week.

Even if this was a simple stalking case, who's to say it wouldn't escalate? You have an old steel baseball bat in the hall closet and you could use it in case things got dicey. But that would require it being on your person a lot more than it actually is. Maybe you could make it look like you took up going to batting cages...are there even any batting cages in Kepler?

'Fucking focus...stop the rambling. Am I going to be ok?' you think to yourself despite the roaring chaos of your mind. Even with all the possibilities being thrown around you don't have an answer. Maybe that's really the answer after all if you can't get even one 'yes' from any of the possibilities...maybe you wouldn't be ok after all. Maybe you weren't ok.

“I don't want to talk anymore.” It's said so plainly, in such a dull monotone that it throws Jo off.

Jo's not quite used to this but she understands from the two times she's seen it that sometimes you just shut down under pressure like this. This topic, whatever it is, must really bother you. She wishes there was something she could do to make you feel better, but you can be really volatile in this state. Easily going from shutdown mode to meltdown at the simplest action.

With a jolt joined by a 'yip-yup' she remembers something that might put you in a better mood. And if it doesn't she still needs to give it to you so you have it. Rushing off to the back as fast as her legs will take her, having the agility only years of dance can provide.

Nate comes back into the shop as she disappears to the back.

“Did you know the Dunkin' across the street does parties?” What? To the man's credit he had no reaction to your blank stare and lack of response. He clocked the eye contact aversion right away.

You've gone into shutdown mode. Sometimes you just go quiet and that's fine, you're like a robot in this state and if he sets you up with a task that should take all day you have it finished in a few hours.

Once when he asked you just said you needed to not talk at time and that the tasks were good ways to process thoughts. Nate was reasonably creeped out by this but you aren't hurting anyone so c'est la vie.

“Nate?” Jo's calls out from down the hall.

“Yea, I'm back. Brought food.” he set the bag on the counter and handed you the shitty hash rounds you like for some reason.

'It's only cuz they're bad, if they were good they wouldn't be worth eating.' you think as you pop one into your mouth.

Jo comes twirling back into the room. In a broad sweep of motion kicks her foot off the floor to do one final dramatic twirl that ends in a bow with the same leg pointed toward the ceiling. All to present to you and Nate two tickets. Tickets to what?

“Another dance rehearsal?”

“Nope actual thing this time.” she supplies passing you each a ticket.

It's such a formal looking ticket for a recital that only goes up to age twelve max. Most dancers will still be in elementary school. But they want you to treat this like the Russian Ballet. Oh it even says it's a black tie event, completely different from the rehearsals you've been too.

You aren't sure if you have anything black tie status. You'll have to make a trip further out of your normal bounds and go thrifting for an outfit. Luckily it won't be happening for another month, that gives you plenty of time to try finding something in your size that you also like. It also gets you out of Kepler and away from your stalker for a few hours. Hopefully. But there's a chance your stalker will follow you on your outings away from Kepler so you'd need to keep an eye out for familiar faces on the trip.

“YN...will you come?” Jo's looking up at you with her big puppy eyes. Unfair, even if you wanted to decline she pulled puppy eyes. What heartless monster would refuse puppy eyes.

You give a slow nod along with a smile that doesn't reach your cheeks let alone your eyes. And while Jo's a little disappointed with the lack of enthusiasm she's still excited for you to come to her recital. Nate nudges her into her personal reading nook making up a lie that you hadn't finished your task sheet today so he'd watch over her while you finished working. You'd only had vacuuming and organizing the shelves that got mussed up the previous day, needless to say you were done nearly as soon as you started. When he came back to you he had a whole stack of papers for books that would need to be input into the system. You got to spend the rest of the day on the dinosaur computer in the backroom.

The quiet was nice.

After you'd gotten off work you still weren't out of your funk. Frustrated with the idea of going home and not actually being alone with a stalker prowling around. You decided to go to the one place that can calm even your worst of moods. The stream.

There's a reason why you've never been able to do longer than a thirty minute hike through the Monongahela and that's the stream. Every time you've said you'd go further into the forest you're always drawn back into that spot along the bank right under the red spruce. It has the best smell of all the trees, you think.

Just thinking about it has you having a better outlook on the day. You hardly spare the RV a glance as you go along your usual route.

You've said it once you'll say it again for emphasis. You could walk the same path every time you came through and always find something different. Like that cool rock right there. Picking it up to inspect it closer you note the color is a deep dark brown that it almost looks black even obsidian, it reminds you of something but you can't quite place it. It's very smooth and oddly enough fits perfectly in your hand given it's larger size.

You think you'll keep it, this is a good rock. Idly rubbing the smooth surface of the stone as you trek through your trail, you can feel the tension start to ease off of you. You found a very nice worry stone, it works amazingly well. Hopefully no one lost it and it is just a naturally occurring stone that you happened on by chance. As much as you like it you'd hate to think of the chance of someone loosing something they need.

All thoughts cease once you hear the babble of the stream. As if on auto pilot you move with a fluidity through the brush and low hanging tree branches to your spot. Right under the spruce. Just as you did the last week and every other trip before you remove your shoes and socks placing them further behind you, so you can dip your feet into the cool stream. It's very refreshing on this hot summer's day.

Lying down with your feet still in the stream you close your eyes and just loose yourself to nature. All your cares and worries getting washed away by the steady moving stream. It's strange to be here without the buzzing in the back of your head. Oh great speak of the devil and he shall appear. It's fine, after all you're used to this, it's easy to ignore.

However, what isn't easy to ignore is the snapping of a branch, from in front of you just across the stream, how cliche. Cliches aside the sound rockets you back into a sitting position as you look for the source. And you find it...find him standing just on the other side of the stream emerging from the brush on that side. Toby. And he's mask less, not a weird choice considering he probably wouldn't have run into anyone had you not decided to come out for a hike.

Great you can feel your chances at friendship slipping through your grasp just like the water slips down the bend. He's gonna think you're weird when you don't respond to him verbally. Or worse he'll think you were rude for not wanting to talk to him and then never want to talk to you again in retaliation. Whatever relaxation had once been over you quickly dissipates and you are left anxious and with a tickle at the base of your skull.

Toby hasn't said anything yet. Not even a raised hand in a half wave. You also don't see Connor anywhere. Is Toby okay right now? Fuck even with that kind of thought you can't manage to move your lips let alone actually utter a sound, even ones that wouldn't ever be counted as words by anyone who was currently living. So you take the first move, literally.

Raising the hand without the stone in a mock form of a greeting. Toby doesn't seem to quite register it or you but he copies the movement. Oh he must be dissociating either that or in a catatonic state similar to the one you'd been in last weekend. That's probably how he knew he just needed to sit you down and keep and eye on you. You could do that for him...if that's what he needed.

You wave your hand beckoning Toby to come over to your side of the stream. Toby tilts his head to the side before his arms jolt up, going across his body. You assume it was a tic because he didn't keep the pose long. Tilting your head back at him, as if to say 'You coming over?', you pat the spot next to you.

Seems he registered that because he backed up a few steps before taking a running leap to cross the stream. He lands with more grace than you'd given the lanky guy credit for, normally someone with such long limbs would be a lot more clumsy. Not to mention that was a pretty wide jump, and Toby only has a few inches on you, you could probably barely cover the width of the stream. But he not only cleared it but he gave himself a good six inches of coverage away from the edge. You just hope he didn't roll or over exert anything by doing that. With his insensitivity to pain he wouldn't feel it and if he wasn't here mentally right now it's likely he wouldn't even remember he made a jump like that in the first place.

When he just stands in place staring at you, you get a bit uneasy. What's up with everyone staring at you today? You get really uncomfortable with people's stares normally, and now you're overstimulated and stressed it's not a great combination. But you can rationalize Toby is having a moment of his own. And since he helped you the best that he could you'll do the same for him, pushing aside your own issues for the moment. After all what are friends for.

He's standing within arms reach. You don't even have to get up as you gently grab his hand and give a few light tugs. Trying your best to get across that he should sit down with you. This would probably be a lot easier if you could speak right now. Did he speak to you when you were like this?

Toby thankfully gets the message and drops into a criss-cross position next to you. You start to retract your hand, now that the need for contact is over, when Toby's rough hand closes around it suddenly. Looking to Toby he's just staring straight ahead and not at you. His eyes aren't frantic or moving in any way, like yours sometimes do when you're following a hallucination. Physical closeness must help him through this kind of thing.

As gross as the feeling normally would be for you it isn't so bad right now. It seems Toby's CIPA also affects his body's temperature and his ability to sweat. Where there's usually the feeling of burning and clammy moisture coming off of another person, Toby is just tepid and dry. If anything it feels as if you're being held by a leather baseball glove.

Toby's hands are very rough, especially his palms, maybe you should let him burrow some of the goat milk lotion Dia gave you a few weeks ago. It smells pretty good and it only takes a little bit to soften your skin back up. But as you look closer at his hands you can see the spots roughest are around his nail beds. Someone has a biting problem, maybe he needs an oral stim toy. That would keep his flesh out of his mouth, and stop him from injuring himself...hopefully. There's still a chance he'd bite through his tongue without realizing, honestly you're a little surprised that hasn't happened yet.

You had completely forgotten about the stone in your hand until you went to grab at Toby's hand that still held yours in a firm grip. Seeing the dark brown rock again you remembered what it reminded you of, Toby's eyes. They were the same shade as the rock, that's funny...anecdotally at least. This rock helped you maybe it would help calm him down some. Worth a shot.

Since your hand closest to him is preoccupied you have to reach across his body to nudge the rock to his hand. He spares it a single glance before covering it with his other hand. Mission partially accomplished you guess. Now you're just sitting here, with Toby catatonic, by the edge of the water bank. Pulling your feet from the stream you mirror Toby's pose, you'll likely be here a while.

While normally you'd love to just loose your self to the sounds surrounding the stream, in the presence of another person you're too jittery to enjoy that. If only you had something to fidget with... You wonder what Toby's reaction would be if you just... Toby turns his head to watch you when he feels a gentle smaller hand on his own. Dark eyes watching intensely as you pull his hand into your lap. Turning it over so his palm is facing up, before you start tracing patterns into his palm lines and flexing his fingers individually. He watches for a moment before turning back to his original point.

Playing with his hand you noticed a few more things about Toby. From his chipped black nail polish, a look you personally think not enough guys go for even though it makes them look more attractive and approachable. To the single string paracord medical bracelet he's wearing, metal tag simply stating 'TOURETTE'S SYNDROME'. And a little further down you see scars, a few are crescent shapes easily identified as Toby's own nails. But most are straight lines, even a few jagged cuts, that run up and along his forearm.

'Tobais...what on Earth happened to you?' just as the thought rings through your mind you feel a sudden weight on your shoulder.

Toby is resting on your shoulder with his eyes close. You can tell he's just resting them by the lack of movement behind the eyelids.  With his head being on your shoulder you can smell him, not in a creepy way but he's just so close that his scent waifs your way. He smells like fresh dirt...it isn't a bad smell. It reminds you of gardening but on an overcast day. It hadn't rained today so how does he smell like it?

Moving your attention back to his hands, and away from how nice Toby smells, you catch sight of the scars again and bite your lip. Not wanting to dwell on the scars and their implications any longer. You curl and uncurl his fingers and start a rhythmic motion of curling them individually.

'You poor sweet boy.' is the only thought you can focus on. Even though the scars may be old and those wounds long healed. Toby at one point made them and it's very apparent that he is still not in the best way mentally. Once the two of you are friends, you'll do your best to be there for him. Like you are right now...you really hope it helps.

Toby didn't make even the slightest movement until the sky had begun to bleed its deep oranges across the horizon. He pulls his hand out of your grasp. And when you try to retrieve it to keep up you activity he softly pushes your hands back to you. Guess he's done for now.

With as late as it is, you'd like to go home. And Toby seems more aware of the things going on. But it isn't until you hear a call for him behind you two and he reacts looking in the direction of the call, that you decide he's safe enough for you to leave here.

Without much hesitancy you push off of the ground and stand. Toby isn't looking at you. Taking that as a cue you head back towards the entrance of the forest. Before you leave the clearing however, you look back to Toby and notice a dark colored stone resting nicely in his palm as he idly brushes a finger across it's surface.

Yea he's going to be fine.

[headoverhiddles]

Go On, Smile - Marilyn Manson x Reader

Synopsis: You and the band terrorize the local mall. AKA The totally fictional, fucked up origins of the samples from Cake and Sodomy. 

Notes: Portrait era! Warning for intentions of assault (not from Manson) and general immature debauchery. 

There's nothing left to do in this town.

You, your boyfriend, and a few members of his band that aren't still sleeping, are wandering around the small town they're set to perform tonight. The venue's gonna be tiny, just like the town, but at this point, any gig is a good gig. They're touring their asses off to promote their first studio album, an album nobody thought could possibly get produced. Lots of touring meant a few shitty stops (okay, a fair amount), and it meant days of either doing drugs in hotel rooms, pasting flyers around the city, or trying to do normal things.

"We could vandalize buses," Jeordie suggests. 

"There's only one bus that comes by here, once every hour at half past sharp," Pogo replies, staring at the palm of his hand. "I've been watching it."

"What about the mall?" you suggest.

"Does barbie want to go shopping?" Pogo mutters. You throw a crumpled up fast food bag from the ground at him.

Brian finally speaks up. "The mall's not a bad idea, actually. There might be makeup stores there, I can swipe some pancake shit for tonight's show."

Now that their fearless leader had spoken, everyone grunted their own form of agreement, getting up off the park bench.

Making it to the mall, Jeordie runs over to the directory. "I'm going to the candy store." Pogo seems to like that idea, and the two walk off. Brian calls after them.

"Assholes! Meet us back at the doors by six, we've got a show to get to!" He turns to you, taking your hand and rolling his eyes. "As if they don't get enough drugs. Now they need sugar highs too."

The two of you walk toward the drugstore to check out the makeup. Brian immediately heads over to the lip aisle, and starts pocketing some reds and plum colours.

"You know... I wouldn't mind a bit of candy," you tell him, swinging your hand with his, "A nice, big lollipop."

Brian licks his lips. "How would you lick it, baby? Swirl your tongue over the tip?"

"I'd get it all into my mouth, then when it hits the back of my throat, I'd swallow all that sweet sugar." Brian groans, starting to walk toward the candy store with you too, and you shrug. "But I'd settle for some sugar babies."

"You get the sugar babies," he smirks, "I'll get the sugar daddy."

"You are not a sugar daddy," you laugh. He scoffs.

"I could be!" He slides his hand down to feel up your ass. "I could be your daddy, babygirl."

"You're the same fucking age as me, and you've got no money."

He shakes his head. "Just give this record a little more time. Once Interscope pushes it and Portrait sells a billion copies, stadiums all over the world'll want Marilyn Manson to scare the crap out of their upstanding citizens. We'll be in demand! Then I can buy you all sorts of weird relics."

"Special," you smile, "Normal sugar daddies buy their babies diamonds. No, I get prosthetic hands and Eichmann's aluminum dentures."

"You love it." 

"I do," you giggle, and his eyes suddenly take on that mischievous glint.

"Photo booth."

"Bri, really?"

"We gotta go in, and do a porno shoot."

"What?!"

"There's nobody around but us. Come on baby, let's take really fucking dirty pictures."

"You know, they probably save these somewhere to print them, right?"

"Good, you can flash your tits, make the mall cop jack off. Here, we can record, and put it on the new single, Cake and Sodomy! It'll be perfect."

You blush, and he pulls you into the little tent in the middle of the pathetically empty strip mall. He sets up the camera, closes the curtain, and you keep giggling.

"You go here," he sets you up on mark like a master movie director, and you check the screen, making sure the star anatomy is properly centered. Then you reach down and pull your top over your head, unhooking your bra. Brian bites his bottom lip.

"Shit, you're gonna make me have to jack off." You knee him lightly in the crotch playfully.

"Focus on the shoot, Spielberg." He puts his hands over your breasts from behind, and you yelp.

"Jesus Christ, Brian!"

"What?!"

"At least warm your hands up a little. God, it's like being fondled by the Grim Reaper!”

“Geez--”

“Boobs are very delicate things, okay, they're not like dicks, you can't just whip them out and expect--"

"Okay, alright, there. There! All warmed up. You happy?" 

"Yes," you pout, and he kisses your cheek quickly, before darting forward to press capture and resuming his position. The first flash goes off, with Brian's hands grabbing your breasts. Second one begins to count down.

"What should we do, quick, what should we do?!" you squeal, laughing, and he looks around. He gets on his knees, bringing his face up, and sucks on your nipple for the third shot.

"Get your dick out," you urge, "Hurry, do it!"

He unzips his pants, and gets his dick as close as he can to the camera.

For the fifth shot, you get on your knees this time, holding Brian's dick and licking the tip as the last flash goes off. He presses play on his tape recorder, and you stand up, kissing him and making the sexiest noises you can.

"Alright.... mmm... mmmm!"

The two of you are laughing uncontrollably like children as you exit the booth with the printed strip. "Gorgeous," you nod, inspecting it.

"We're hot. I'd wanna fuck us," he says.

"God, same."

"We should use these as album art."

"Go for it," you shrug, "I'm sure it'd help sell all those billions of copies you promised." You bite your pinkie nail, looking back at the booth. "What if there were cameras that were watching inside, though? Like other cameras?" He massages your shoulders as you walk.

"I told you, there probably were. I already shoplifted, might as well be arrested for public indecency as well. It'll help my, uh... dangerous rock star image."

You groan, hiding your face in Brian's shoulder as you two keep walking.

You meet up with Jeordie and Pogo in front of the candy shop, Brian having shoved the strip down his back pocket. Jeordie has a bag full of sweets.

"What did you get?" you ask, burrowing inside it. He hands you some laffy taffy.

"I know you like this stuff."

"Jeord! I absolutely love you!"

"I know." He grins. "Hehe, Star Wars."

Just then, a big, hairy motherfucker of a security guard approaches you four quickly. He's an imposing figure, even on your 6'1 boyfriend.

"I promise I paid for all these gummy worms," Jeordie begins to tell him, but he looks at you and Brian.

"You the kids from the photo booth?"

You're too shocked to speak, so Brian, ever the antagonist, nods, sizing him up. "Yeah. Is there a problem?"

"You're going to have to come with me," the portly guard says sternly, and Brian shoves him off.

"Like hell, buddy." 

The guard starts to take something out of the back of his belt, so before either of you can find out what, you stop him.

"Wait! Wait, it's okay. We'll go." You lean in to Brian pleadingly. "The most he can do is give us a warning. Don't get your show banned here over some stupid, bloated mall guy with a bone to pick."

"Fine." You and Brian turn, noticing Jeordie and Pogo had fled the scene. "Great friends," Brian mutters, and the two of you start walking.

The guard leads you into a dark, grimy room down some steps under the mall's CVS, where you see a bunch of security camera feeds, and... your topless photos displayed on one of them. It smells strange down here, like spoiled chicken and vaseline. The guard sits down.

"So. You think creating pornography in public is funny, do you?"

Brian lets loose a stream of vitriol you knew had been simmering. "I do. In fact, I think it's the most goddamn hilarious thing I've ever done, you stuffy old dickhead!"

"Brian..."

"You wouldn't know much about that though, since you're probably so miserable working overtime for a mall who sees the local crackhead walk through maybe once every month or so and that's it--"

"Brian."

"--Getting paid to sit behind a desk in the dark, eat donuts and creep on people like a glorified cam-stalker--"

"Brian!"

"I bet you liked looking at my girlfriend's tits, huh? You like em, you fucking pervert? Why don't you--"

The guard finally has enough, and gets up out of his chair, walking behind Brian and tying a gag around his mouth. You go to stop him, but he grabs some duct tape, and sits you down, tying your wrists behind the chair. He does the same to Brian, restraining him. Shaking in fear, you sit still, paralyzed, as the guard sits back down in front of you two.

"You kids now and your alternative lifestyles. Think that acting outlandish and wearing black, Satanic clothing that never would've flown in my day is the way to give us civilized folk here in this good, god fearing little town the middle finger, huh?"

He sneers down at your leather miniskirt, and then to Brian's thick platform boots, looking him up and down. He's not really helping disprove the man's point about outlandish clothes, with his lipstick and shaved eyebrows. You think you see Brian fiddle with something in his back pocket, but your attention is directed back to the guard.

"Performing sexual acts in my mall. You won't get away with that."

"What are you gonna do?" you whimper.

"Put on a little show of my own," he starts to smile sadistically. You start to feel cold all over. He doesn't mean...

Brian's eyes close. Of course the two of you had found the Buffalo Bill of mall cops. Fucking lucky. Well. It'd be a story for the show.

The man sits back. "Smile."

Brian watches the guy closely. "You touch her..." your boyfriend warns. You struggle to pull your restraints free.

"Smile for me," the guard repeats, growing impatient.

You swallow. "Just let us go. We're really sorry about the photos!"

He finally stands up, cracking a fist. "Go on smile, you cunt!"

Brian jumps up, and though his wrists are still bound like yours, he turns around to grab you, pulling you both to the door. He spits the gag out. "Run."

The two of you dash out the side entrance to the mall, and keep running until you can't hear the guard yelling anymore.

Jeordie and Pogo come out of the woodwork, quickly gathering around you.

"Fuckin' redneck tyrant!" Brian shouts back, grabbing and tossing Jeordie's milkshake at the building. Jeordie stares in longing at the destroyed strawberry goop on the ground, debating if the 5 second rule worked for drinks too. Pogo takes a switchblade out to cut you two loose.

"I got the perfect sound bites on tape we can sample for Cake and Sodomy, of you moaning like a whore and that guy being a general asshole," Brian tells you, and you roll your eyes.

"After nearly being killed by a psychotic mall cop, that's all you have to say? Typical."

"What did you guys even do?!" Jeordie asks.

You dig out the photo strip from Brian's back pocket, and pass it to the other guys. Pogo nods, stroking his goatee like a critic.

"That's art."

[the-fiction-witch]

Survivors

MOVIE: MAZE RUNNER AU COUPLE: NEWT X THOMAS + NEWT X Y/N RATING: FLIRTY ;)

Emptyness. The only true constant. Everything fades, and everything dies.

I remember the day this all began, it a seemed so normal. I remember waking up in my bed, it was a red racecar my bed. With clown sheets and my favourite bear to hold me close. I remember waking up to the sweet salty smell of my mother's cooking, I jumped from the bed and ran to the kitchen to find my mother had burnt the toast and bacon as she had been busy dealing with my baby sister. My father just laughed it off and went out for breakfast donuts. It all seemed so normal, so peaceful. But not long after that the news came through, my mouth packed a bag with everything she could fit for me and another for my sister taking us by the hand up to the hill a man said something about places that I later leant was places in the shelter, safe from the bombs that where imminate to fall. And like all good parents did, they made the men take the children all of us the eldest just ten from my town all of us saved from the horror of that war.

Now we have emerged from our shelters, and hiding places. To scout this empty world for survivors and supplies to keep ourselves Alive. I miss my parents everyday, what little I remember of them. And I miss my sister, I don't know what happened to her the shelter men took her from me not long after we got settled her only being a baby... I never saw her again.

I walked along the dusty windy planes for days I was almost out of water and days out of food, I felt like I was ready to drop dead.

""ey mate! You alive?" A voice asked from the dusty cloud to the north "Yeah!" I yelled and within seconds a boy came from the dust,

His leather pants tight to his skinny body, his chest bare covered in what looked like years of dust and sand, a brown moth eaten jacket over him with some protective sections on his back and shoulders, a red and white tie around his mouth and nose with old welders goggles over his eyes, his hair slightly tied back with a similar tie this one blue and white his perhaps once blonde hair caked in dirt, mud and sand. He saw me and pulled the tie from his mouth and nose as he came closer

"'iya, what are you doing out 'ere?" He asked "Looking" I answered "Your a stalker aren't you?" He asked "one of them who wonder's around maping survivers and what not?" "Kinda" I answered "Alright, do you need a ride? I can take you to The Glade?" He suggested "What's that?" I asked "A survivor town not to far from 'ere I came out looking for scrap metal" he explained putting the goggles up onto his headband I could see his face more clearly now, he looked much longer then I assumed he was, his brown eyes wide with a almost laughable clean line from where the goggles had protected the skin below them from the dust, a small excuse for facial hair above his lip "so you want taking?" "Sure, thanks" I smiled "Great" he laughs putting an arm around me and walking me towards the way he came "names Newt by the way" he says "Newt?" I ask "Don't ask" he sighed as we got to a half destroyed car only the frame, wheels and engine still the the rest gutter with two broken seats and a wheel inside the welded frame "it's a long and complicated story" he says climbing into the car and moving some metal around "'op in" he says so I climbed in and we drove off though the sand and dust for a little while it didn't take long before we arrived at this little town it all looked like it was made of tin and wood but it looked abandoned I got prepared to jump and run as this happens alot out here, people go nuts and build little world's for themselves "guys! Storms over get to work you lazy cocks!" Newt yelled and just like that doors and windows opened canopy's opened up and people came out all going about there business "come on, ohh I didn't catch your name?" He says as he climbed out "Thomas" I said "Right Thomas come on, let's get some food in ya" he laughs helping me along "How many people live here?" I asked "Ugh about sixty to eighty at any one time, people move around alot" he explained as he got some food and handed it to me having a seat on some old cinder block "How long have you been here?' I asked "About four years" he shrugs "came 'ere from my shelter so" he shrugs "And you've been here ever since?" I ask "Pretty much, I go out on the junk raids but that's about it" he explained eating his food I gave it a try and it was nice "what about you?" "Been wondering since I got out... Don't really know what I'm doing" I explain "Fair enough, you could always stay if you want" he shrugs "Really?" "Sure, stay as long as you like, 'ell you might find a sexy freind who will keep you forever" he winked "I don't know about that, but sure I'll stay a while" I smiled "Great, you can bunk with me for a bit if you want I have a 'ammock I never use so you can stay there till you get sorted" he offered "Thanks Newt" I smiled "Newt your home!" A voice smiled I looked too see a rather plump girl she looked a little younger then me, y/h/c hair tied up in a complex braid, a little purple dress with some tight strong pants below it, a little sleaveless red leather jacket on her body a few odd tools on a little waist belt "Ohhh 'iya Y/n" he blushed standing up "You didn't get bitten again did you?" She asks checking him over "No Y/n I'm fine" he told her "Well alright, nothing serious to report?" She asks "Nothing" he told her "Alright, in pretty swamped today, come see me tomorrow and I'll give you your checks" she smiled before rushing back off "Who's?" I began as he sat down again "Y/n, she's the nurse. A little overprotective but she means well" he smiled blushing a little fixing his hair as he watched her walking back to where she came from "Are you to?" I ask "What! Me and Y/n? You must be joking" he laughs "I mean she's saved my arse more times then I even remember but..." He blushed "Ohh are you uhh?" I asked "Am I what?" He asked "You know, other side of the swing?" "Ohh! Well... Depends who's asking" he smirked "I'm just asking" I shrug "Let's just say... I use the swing every way it physically can." He smiled "So your fine with that here?" "Absolutely! Why wouldn't we be?" "You'd be surprised some places still..." "Really? Well don't worry about it. You can be and do whatever you want 'ere" he smiled "put your dick whenever makes you 'appy" "Thanks" I blushed "I go just the one way" "Cool, come on I'll show you around" he smiled helping me up, he showed me a few places, the food, the Amory, the clothes maker, the showers and of course Y/n nurse place which Newt did get a little blushy over before atlast we got to a little shack "ta da! 'ome sweet 'ome" he smiled opening the half broken door revealing honestly a tin shed, random junk everywhere a bed tucked in the corner with a duvet that looked as old as Newt, and a old dusty hammock hung on the other side, no windows and a couple candles here and there "Its nice" I said trying not to be rude, 

[encryptedfantasies]

soon to be titled swanqueen fic

Saturday mornings were Emma’s favorite part of the week. There had never been a particular reason; weekends were inherently good, but there was something magical and pure and wholesome to Emma about waking up late on a Saturday morning and realizing that it was, in fact, finally Saturday.

Green eyes slowly cracked open to bright early day sunshine that flooded in through the window shade that hadn’t gotten pulled down quite far enough the night before. Emma stretched and her back cracked deliciously as she made a sound low in the back of her throat that was something akin to pleasure. The floor was cold from the air conditioner running in the night but Emma didn’t mind as she got up and padded across the floor to her closet.

A racerback tank top and leggings were thrown on and socks were grabbed from the top of a laundry basket as Emma headed down the stairs.

“Good morning Emma!” Mary Margaret called over her shoulder from the kitchen.

“Morning Mom.” Blonde locks were gathered into a loose bun and secured with the hair tie that lived on Emma’s wrist as she bent down to kiss Neal’s forehead. “And good morning to you too.” David smiled at his daughter’s baby voice from the couch.

“Still don’t want anyone to join you on your run?”

“Like you could keep up.” Emma smirked. She plopped down on the floor next to the shoe rack that housed her dirty, worn running shoes.

“I think anyone could keep up if you’re wearing those.” Emma stuck out her tongue, then petted a sneaker.

“There there, don’t listen to him he’s just being a di-”

“Are you going to want pancakes when you get home sweetie?” Mary Margaret interrupted, turning around with a streak of flour across her forehead. Emma suppressed her snort and David managed a sneaky picture from behind Neal’s crib. “I want to know if I need to make any more batter.”

‘Nah, I should be good. If I’m hungry I’ll stop at Granny’s on the way back.”

“Alright dear, enjoy your run.”

“Thanks Mom.” Emma hopped up from the floor and cracked her neck as she popped her ear buds into her ears.

“Be back later!” She called as she closed the door behind her. She paused to start her music playing, only to be interrupted by a text from David.

I won’t tell her if you won’t

                                                 You better not! I wanna see her face when she realizes

I’ll keep her distracted as long as I can. Might wanna make it a fast one today

Emma smiled to herself as she hit shuffle on her workout playlist and headed out the door of the apartment building.

The sensation of her feet hitting the pavement that traveled up Emma’s spine was one of her favorites, one that she could never get enough of. And once she rounded the corner to head for the docks, sunshine began to beat down on her face and sweat to form on her forehead and the wind off the sea started to blow through the stands that had escaped her fingers and made Emma forget the sweat was even there; Emma Swan was in bliss.

Saturday mornings were Regina’s least favorite part of the week. There was never a real substantial reason; just the fact that in Regina’s mind, weekends were only full of idleness and mindless loads of laundry and Henry doing nothing but play video games and cesspools for bad decisions (like eating Chinese food with the Charmings), but there was something that was just terrible and boring and tedious to Regina about waking up on a Saturday morning and realizing that it was, in fact, Saturday once again.

Goosebumps appeared on Regina’s arms as she got out of bed, suddenly regretting that she had left her air conditioner on while she slept. But as she stepped into the hallway, she began to regret her decision less and less. It wasn’t even 9:00 am and the summer heat was already beginning to become unbearable. Regina took a few steps down the hall and knocked on Henry’s door.

“Henry? Are you awake?” No answer. “Henry?” Again no response. Regina sighed and opened the door, only to find her son still sound asleep and the room dark. “Henry you need wake up.”

“Ngh?” Henry started to roll over, then fell back on his stomach.

“Do you have any idea what time it is?” he groped for his phone, only to come up short.

“Ah dunno, early o’clock?”

“It is past 9:00 it is time for you to get up.”

“Mom,” He whined. “It’s Saturday.”  He pulled the covers up higher.

“You’ve slept in long enough.” Regina walked across the room and pulled her son’s

covers off his body, eliciting a screech and a mad dash to retrieve them. “Come on, you’ve got things you could be doing.” Regina dropped the blankets on the floor at the foot of the bed as she walked away. “And make your bed before you come downstairs.” She called over her shoulder as she headed out the door. Henry groaned, flopped back into the bed and covered his face with his hands as he grumbled after his mother.

“You’d think the freaking evil queen was back -”

“I heard that!” Regina called from the bottom of the stairs. Henry groaned again.

Saturdays, like like every other morning, started with coffee that filled the house with the intoxication aroma of Regina’s motivation to live. Soon, Regina had her hands wrapped around the largest mug she owned full of straight black coffee, which was the only real way to drink coffee in her mind, and was taking a seat in front of the bay window which overlooked the neighborhood.

The sidewalk was already full of children riding bikes and owners taking dogs out for walks. Regina took a long sip from her coffee as Henry came down the stairs dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, socks in hand. Regina raised an eyebrow and he froze. “And where do you think you’re going?”

“Charlie and Matt invited me to go hang out with them and Marcia.”

“Marcia, huh?”

“God, Mom, it’s not like that!”

“Mhm.” Regina took another sip of her coffee.

“You are absolutely insufferable!” Henry stormed off to find his sneakers.

“They’re in the hall closet.”

“No they’re not! I left them over here!” There was a moment of silence before Henry emitted what was almost a scream and came storming back, now with his socks on, and stepped into his sneakers that were, in fact, sitting on the floor of the hall closet. “Hate it when you’re right…” Henry grumbled under his breath.

“What was that?” Regina tilted her ear towards him.

“Nothing.”

“Oh no, it was definitely something.”

“Mom, stop…” Regina rolled her eyes and smiled. “Oh, alright, I’ll leave you alone.”

“Ok... bye!” Henry grabbed his backpack off the floor and headed for the door.

“Wait!” Regina called. Henry deflated and turned back. “Where are you going?”

“I dunno.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Henry sighed.

“Probably Granny’s.”

“Do you have money?

“No.”

“How were you planning on paying for Granny’s?”

“I dunno.” Regina sighed, got up, and went into her purse that was hanging on the coat rack.

“Here’s $20, pay if someone forgot money, but I want change back.”

“Ok bye.” Henry disappeared out the door before Regina could fit another word in. She sighed and returned to her seat by the window as she listened to the garage door open then watched Henry take off down the street.

“He didn’t close the garage door…” She shook her head

Emma stood at the top of the slide on the playground, watching the water wash up against the sand. She smiled, the memory of her first time sitting in the same spot with Henry and his book making her nostalgic.

“Why’d you have to go and grow up, kid?” Emma spoke aloud to herself and let her head fall back against the wooden post she was leaning on. Her phone buzzed with a Words With Friends notification and saw that it was only 10:00 am. She sent Henry a text.

Hey kid, you up for donuts? She waited several minutes to give him a chance to reply, but he never did. She sent another text, but still got no response.

“Kid, I swear to god…” Emma pushed off the pole and jumped off the ladder. She took off running across the field towards 108 Mifflin to get her son out of bed.

Regina made toast for breakfast, and topped it with avocado that she had mashed with some lemon juice, salt, and pepper. She ate sitting in the window seat that overlooked the road. She had never called herself a stalker, but she supposed that’s what she was, always trying to spy on the neighbors from the front windows and inquiring about their lives. Her mind had just started to wander when she watched Emma running down the sidewalk past the house.

“Ooh…” Regina found herself saying aloud, her bottom lip disappearing between teeth as chocolate eyes drifted down Emma’s body. Emma paused and cocked her head at the open garage door, then up at Henry’s bedroom window. “Come on…” Emma checked her phone, then turned her back and started to jog away from the house. Regina frowned. “Well that’s not going to work.” With a turn of Regina’s hand, Emma had disappeared from the sidewalk and was appearing in front of Regina.

“What the hell?” Emma looked around disoriented before glaring at Regina.

“If you think you can come running by this house looking like that,” Regina gestured to Emma’s outfit. “and not stop by for the first time in over a week, then we’re going to have a problem.”

“What kind of -” Emma was stopped by Regina pressing her lips against Emma’s.

“You know exactly what kind of trouble I’m talking about.” Regina smiled devilishly against Emma’s lips and poofed them up the stairs and behind a locked bedroom door.

“We have to start being more careful about what we’re doing here. Anyone could see us,” Emma spoke softly and ran a hand through her hair as she stared at the ceiling.

“Well I would hope no one could casually see in through my second story window. I think we’re safe for the moment dear.” Regina slid over and rested her head on Emma’s chest.

“It’s the middle of the morning on a Saturday and you poofed me off the street, Regina. You know exactly what I meant.” A tanned leg slid between pale ones.

“We can stop if -”

“We both know that we wouldn’t stop even if I said I wanted to.” Regina smirked and began tracing light patterns over Emma’s bare chest with her fingernails.

“You’re not wrong…” Her fingers traced up to Emma’s jawline. “I certainly wouldn’t be too eager to give you up.” Regina pressed her lips again Emma’s neck and suddenly green eyes were fluttering shut and half a moan came from low in Emma’s throat. “You’ve been so much fun, and we’re just getting started.” The way the words slowly emerged from Regina’s throat in their low timbre did something to Emma she couldn’t explain, but she could have spent the rest of her life laying there, listening to Regina seduce her again.

“I’d just prefer crawling in the window when I know no one will -”

“Yes, we all know how daring and ninja - like you can be from your hardening days as a criminal; it’s quite impressive, but we’re all aware and right now you’re in my bed and that’s all that I care to be aware of at the moment.” Regina’s fingers trailed over a toned stomach, then back up, between pale, pert breasts longer than Emma’s brain could handle.

“Hook can’t -” Emma blurted out, but she was stopped by Regina kissing her full and hard as she rolled to straddle Emma’s hips. Regina pulled away and Emma couldn’t help but clench her legs as her eyes drifted up toned abs to full, pert breasts that bounced deliciously as Regina ground her hips into Emma’s thigh. Emma moaned and slid her hands up smooth thighs to curvy hips, biting her bottom lip as her arousal darkened eyes met with Regina’s even darker ones.

Suddenly, Emma was sitting up, gripping around Regina’s waist, and kissing her fiercely as a hand snuck between warm bodies for a single finger to paw at the abundant moisture Regina had that was dripping onto Emma’s leg.

“He won’t.” Regina’s eyes caught Emma’s with such ferocity, Emma found herself frozen, gazing into dark brown pools that only pulled her in deeper.

“Good.” Emma barely managed to choke out the word before Regina was grinding her hips down on Emma’s thigh and Emma’s brain nearly short circuited from another round so soon. Regina was intoxicatingly sexy and sometimes Emma found herself wondering why Regina didn’t throw herself at something infinitely sexier.

Regina let out a low moan and Emma flipped them over, and the bed moved a half foot against the floor.

“Mom, what was that?” Henry’s voice came from downstairs and had Emma flying off of Regina.

“What the fuck?” Emma whispered, panic evident in her voice. “When the fuck did he come home?”

“I don’t know, I never even heard the door close.” Regina whispered back as she scrambled to pull the bed covers over herself.

“Mom? Are you ok?” Henry called again from the bottom of the stairs.

“I’m fine Henry.” Regina answered, her eyes never leaving Emma’s panicked ones.

“You sure?” The sound of footsteps headed up the stairs had Emma ducking behind the bed.

“I’m fine! There’s no reason to come up here!” Regina bit her lip and prayed to every god she knew.

“...You’re sure? It sounded like something big fell.” Henry stopped.

“Yes. I just kicked the bed and it moved.”

“Ok…” He sounded unconvinced, but headed back down the stairs anyways. Emma let out the breath she had been holding and face planted into the bed and Regina collapsed back into the pillows.

“Holy shit…” Emma spoke into the bed.

“In this instance, holy shit is quite correct.” There was a beat of silence before Emma’s head was flying up from the bed.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about Regina. Do you have any idea how close we both just were to being completely and utterly screwed?”

“Of course I’m aware, I’m not an idiot.” Emma got up and started to get dressed, angrily flipping her hair out of her face. “What are you doing?”

“Leaving.”

“Why?”

“Because our son almost caught us having sex.”

“But he didn’t…”

“We’re getting careless Regina.”

“No we’re not we’re doing just fine.” Regina got up and walked across the room to Emma who was shimmying into her tank top. She wrapped tan arms around a pale waist, looking up into Emma’s eyes. “We’ve been safe up until now, and we won’t come that close again.” Emma looked down at Regina and found herself getting pulled into Regina’s eyes.

“But -”

“Shhhhhhh.” Regina leaned up on her tiptoes and pulled Emma closer. “Everything’s going to be ok.” Her voice got soft as she brought her face closer to Emma’s.

“How do you know?” Emma’s voice was barely above a whisper, her lips almost touching Regina’s. Regina tucked a rogue piece of blonde hair behind Emma’s ear, her brown eyes never leaving the green ones opposite her.

“Because you need me to.” Regina pressed her lips to Emma’s with the forceful gentleness that she always seemed to exist in. Emma found herself kissing back and her hands working themselves through Regina’s hair.

“I should get back… they’ll be wondering about me.” Emma pulled away from Regina and pressed their foreheads together. Regina nodded and took a step back. Emma grabbed her leggings off the floor and stepped into them.

“Can I expect you Monday?” Regina bit her lip, the fear of Emma’s instinct to run still in the air. There was silence as Emma put her hair back up in its ponytail.

“Yeah. Yeah you can.” Emma couldn’t help but smile when she saw the one break out on Regina’s face. She grabbed her phone off the nightstand and stepped into her still laced sneakers before heading for the window.

“What are you doing?”

“Leaving?” Emma stopped and looked back.

“You can’t just climb out the window.”

“Well I sure as hell can’t walk out the front door.” Regina rolled her eyes.

“Are you telling me that the world class criminal can’t figure out how to sneak her way out of a house without breaking a leg?” Emma feigned insult.

“I wouldn’t break my leg.”

“You can barely walk up the stairs, dear.” Emma rolled her eyes.

“You’re impossible.” Regina smirked.

“Perhaps…” Regina walked into the bathroom, retrieved her robe and wrapped it around herself. “Just wait a minute before coming downstairs. You’re dropping by to pick up some papers.” Emma raised a skeptical eyebrow and opened her mouth, but closed it again when Regina’s look told her to. Regina disappeared down the stairs and Emma could hear her talking to Henry through the floor. She found herself daydreaming about life living with Regina Mills but was interrupted by the realization that her two minutes were up. She crept down the stairs as quietly as she could, the knocked on the front door and made it sound like she let herself in.

“Hey Kid, you home?”

[midnight--fandoms]

Jinyoung imagine for Lauren

Lauren looks down at her map again, double checking the name of the street and carries on walking. "I'm sure it was down here-" she gets cut off, her shoulder bumping back as a man walks around the corner at the same time. She looks up, into the kind face staring down at her. "I'm sorry" he says, putting a hand on her arm. "It- its fine" she stutters, trying to calm her fast heart. His eyes seem bright despite their dark colour and Lauren has to shake her head before she can look away from them. He slightly laughs at her flustered actions and straightens up. "Right. Sorry again for walking into you." "It's fine, really." She smiles awkwardly, "bye" she says once more, clutching her tour guides to her chest and walking quickly away from embarrassment. Half an hour later Lauren is looking up at the stone arches surrounding the church courtyard. Quickly taking out her phone and taking a few pictures, she sees someone moving in the corner of her eye. She turns around, thinking she was alone in the courtyard and blushing because she probably looked a bit weird taking selfies in front of the statues that were scattered around. No one was there. She shrugs and moves over towards the wishing well in the centre of the courtyard. Fishing around for a coin in her bag she thinks of a wish to make, and finally settling on one she throws in her coin. She puts her hands together and closes her eyes. 'I wish that my trip will be interesting' Satisfied, she turns and walks towards the exit as the same a man enters. She walks past him then stops and looks back at him. He's staring up at the bell tower peacefully, not even looking at her. She sighs and walks away. 'I must be going mad' she thinks to herself 'I thought that was the guy from this morning... but it can't be.' On the way to her next destination Lauren pauses to look at lots of shops along the cobbled street, and takes lots of selfies in and around them. She tries not to buy anything, but after seeing all the delicious food she couldn't help but buy some. Just as she's about to devour a donut she snaps another quick picture of the street and sits down to eat, getting out her phone to look at the many pictures she's taken in the cute little town. She pauses. In every picture there's a man, not always totally clearly, often obscured by another person or a lamppost, but clear enough for her eyes to catch out. His brown hair seems to draw her eyes, and his kind face makes everyone else's seem a little dimmer. She looks fondly at him before looking sharply up and around, to no avail. The mysterious disappearing man is gone yet again. Lauren slowly climbs up the steps to the top of the castle that overlooked the town, cursing the people who made the castle for building so many steps. Eventually she made it to the top and looking over the wall realised that it was worth the climb. It was beautiful. Tiny people walking around the tiny shops, like people in a painting come to life. Even smaller children running around, their eyes drinking in every wonder they could see, marvelling at how the small wooden man and his wife could come out of the little wooden church and swing back in again every hour. Couples holding hands walking through the park, laughing whilst swinging their hands back and forth while the occasional dog would run past chasing after a little red ball, then run back to its owner for the fun to start all over again. Small things like this made it beautiful. She turns and raises her phone to take a cute selfie in front of the beautiful view, wishing she could capture the small pleasures she could see. Suddenly she feels a presence next to her and looks to her side, the beautiful man looking away, up into the sky. She stops. "Are you following me?" She asks bluntly. Confused, he looks behind him and points at his chest. "Me?" Lauren bites her tongue, trying to stop the sarcastic reply from falling out of her mouth. "It felt like you were following me from a while ago..." she trails off. Maybe she really was imagining it. "I wasn't" he replies, looking away from her. She takes it as an end to the conversation, so slowly raised her hands to take another picture when he turns to her. "Do you want to bet if we can meet in the same place again in an hour? If we do, we should tour around together..." Lauren looks at him warily. "I'm not a weird person" he says quickly, rushing to justify himself. "I'm a student here. Here's my student ID card." He frantically looks in his pockets for his card. Startled, Lauren shakes her head and puts out her hands to stop him. "No! Thanks, that's- that's fine." "oh" he slowly puts his ID card back in his coat pocket, quickly shoving his hands in there too. They both stand there, the air thick with tension around them. Lauren thinks to herself 'what could go wrong? I'll go to the next market, if I see him there, then I see him. If I don't, I don't. It's not like he's some creep...' She looks sideways at his kind face, his eyes staring down at his feet which he slowly kicks back and forth. He looks so kind and innocent, Lauren thought, like he couldn't hurt a fly. Slowly, she looks back at him fully. "In... in one hour?" She questions. He smiles widely at her. "Yes!" He sticks out his hand for her to shake. She looks at it, bows her head slightly and walks past him, her heart beating fast and her cheeks stained red. The fair was bustling with people, the stalls constantly with a person admiring its contents. Lauren couldn't get enough, skipping around looking at everything. She found herself sad that she couldn't see everything, but still looking at every small thing she could. She even tried on the terrible fluffy hat that she found, goofing around in the mirror in it. She knew she looked ridiculous but didn't care, after all no one was watching that would really care what she looked like. Eventually she came to a little store selling books, which drew in her interest. One particularly caught her eye, a small blue leather bound book peeling at the edges with a gold title. She reaches for it, only for another hand to be placed on top of hers, stopping it in its tracks. After staring for a moment at the hand that engulfed hers, she shyly turns to look at the owner of the hand and sighs. "Oh of course it would be you." She half laughs. "You say that as if it's a negative thing." The man laughs, and Lauren feels her heart flutter. "Well... it's strange to see you again I must say. I best be going now." She quickly says. A flash of emotion crossed his face before it was gone, his beautiful bright smile replacing it. "Well... I mustn't get in your way." He brightly puts out his hand again. Lauren stares at him, mystified. 'For the life of me' she thinks 'I cannot understand this man. Is he my guardian angel or something? He is beautiful enough to be. But how does he know where I am all the time? Do I shake his hand?' She looks down, bows her head slightly, and walks away, yet again leaving him staring after her. Lauren walks quickly up the stairs away from the fair, her heart telling her to go back and see the kind boy again, and her head telling her to keep walking far far away from the apparent stalker. "Hey! Wait!" She hears a voice from behind her. Apparently she didn't have to make that choice. He runs in front of her and turns to face her, smiling slightly. Lauren stops at shoves her hands in her pockets, waiting for him to speak. "Are you travelling alone?" The question surprised her slightly, the off-hand tone contradicting the question. She shyly nods in response. A few seconds pass as he doesn't reply, however she feels the sun being blocked from her neck and the shadow of an arm reaching up and around appears on the floor in front of her- "You can speak comfortably to me" she states, looking up at him half smirking. He awkwardly scratches his head with a hand that was behind her, and replies with a "sure". Lauren looks down at her feet, trying to contain the smile threatening to show on her face. 'Maybe... this guy isn't such a bad thing after all...' she thinks to herself. Lauren pulls out her phone, getting up Google maps and trying to find her next place. "Where am I supposed to go?" She mutters absentmindedly to herself. Suddenly her map is snatched away from her and her phone is in another's hands. She looks up sharply, about to yell at the person who stole it, when she's met with the mans kind face. "Can you even travel while looking at this?" He challenges. Then without saying another word he takes Lauren's hand and strides off, down towards the town below, towards the endless possibilities. If he had turned around, he would've seen her smiling. The first place he pulls Lauren is a bridge that overlooks the wide river that runs through the centre of the old city. The water is calm and a glistening blue, boats docked randomly at the side with people sitting drinking cold beverages at the front of the boat which doubles as their house, made obvious by the beginnings of a puzzle scattered across a small table, or a half played game of chess sitting atop the mini fridge in the centre of the room. At various points down to the bridge, Lauren thinks about letting go of his hand. After all, he's got her following him, and he has her phone, she's not exactly going to run off without it. But, she didn't. She wasn't entirely sure why, but his hand was warm and her hand felt secure in his. It was... pleasant. The ice cream vans soft music drew Lauren's attention, her head whipping round to face the van at the edge of the bridge. She pulls slightly on the mans arm, pulling him to a halt in the middle of the street. He turns to look at her expectantly, and she hesitates, suddenly second guessing stopping him. Maybe he doesn't want to stop. Maybe he wants to keep going. Maybe he doesn't want- "Ice cream" she says quickly "What?" He replies, the corner of his mouth twitching up and his eyebrows furrowing "I- I was wondering if you... wanted to go and... get ice cream" she falters as she speaks, not coming out as confidently as she wanted to. He looks at her strangely. 'Well shit. I messed that up didn't I?' Lauren thinks to herself. She mentally hits herself and looks at her shoes, yet again looking as though she admired the white converses on her feet. She starts to pull her hand from his, and call it a day when she feels the grip on her hand become tighter. "Who the hell would say no to ice cream, huh?" "You ass!" She jokingly hits his chest and he cringes away laughing "why did you look disgusted?!" "Awhh I'm sorry, I was just joking" he cooes, swinging their hands back and forth cutely. She blushes and looks at their hands, her heart fluttering and stomach flipping. "Whatever" she mumbles, hearing his loud laugh behind her as she pulls him towards the ice cream van smiling. After walking up and down the bridge (still holding hands while walking over it) Lauren was beginning to get hungry for some actually food. Unsure of how to ask she casually brings up a conversation. "So, what's the plan?" She cautiously asks "Does there need to be a plan?" He muses, taking a deep breath and looking up at the sky. "I suppose not, but I would be keen to know what we're going to do" she looks down at her feet again and scruffs her converse against the floor, vaguely aware of the scuff marks on the side of them and the small cuts in the side of the shoe. "Well, what do you think? I've heard the boat rides are beautiful this time of year, and there's plenty of places to eat lunch, are you hungry?" Lauren thinks back to the ice cream, and to breakfast, which consisted of a slice of toast hastily buttered and a cereal bar quickly shoved in her bag as she ran out the door so that she wouldn't be late. "Umm... no?" Her voice raised slightly at the end as if it was a question whether she wanted food when the answer was yes. And, right on cue, just as she finished her sentence her stomach gave out a loud rumble. She inaudibly gasps, looking at him completely embarrassed, but he just lets out a loud laugh, "Well I guess that answer that question!" He exclaims. Lauren feels her face go red and looks at her shoes again. Suddenly she feels fingertips underneath her chin, slowly pulling her face so she could look at him. "I wish you wouldn't do that" he whispers "it's like you're trying to hide yourself from everyone. But you shouldn't. You're- you don't need to hide yourself. Especially not from me. I'm your special guardian aren't I?" He smiles cheekily showing off his brilliant white teeth and cocks his head to the side like a puppy. Lauren is shocked. She didn't think a comment so meaningful and kind could come out as so casual and off-hand. Before she can think of something to reply with, he clears his throat slightly and walks towards the food court. Less than an hour later they're sitting at a small table by the river eating their food. Lauren felt like the day couldn't get any better. The sun was shining down on them with a light breeze making the heat more bearable, she had delicious food in front of her and a cute boy opposite her (who had insisted to pay, saying he was her personal tour guide and must look after her). They joke around for ages, chatting and poking fun at each other. "Does that even count as food?!" He points at the small starter salad Lauren ordered and laughs, the corners of his eyes creasing with amusement. "It has a flower on it!" "No it does not-" Lauren cuts off short as she looks down at the small yellow flower places on the top of the salad. She closes her eyes and sighs dramatically, the sound of his laughter drifting over her. She gently picks up the flower and twirls it between her thumb and index finger, watching it spin in her hand and dance around. "Ah it is pretty though" she looks up at him. 'Like you' she thinks, but bites the inside of her cheek. She pauses for a moment, then quickly leans over, tucking the small flower into his hair. Their faces are close together. Lauren feels his breath on her face. It moves her hair slightly. She dares not look into his eyes this close to him, so quickly sits back down, trying to hide the blush that is rising on her cheeks. Once she is sat back down her eyes venture back up to his. "It suits you" she muses, the small yellow flower a stark contrast against his black hair. He stared at her for a moment, and Lauren thinks she's stepped out of line. She barely knows the man, she doesn't even know his name, and she just put a flower in his hair. But to her surprise he speaks. "Something that pretty deserves to be on a more beautiful person" and with that he simply lifts it out of his own hair and puts it in hers, tucking a small pice of hair behind her ear in the process. The feeling of his hand on her cheek startled her a bit, and she flinches slightly at his cold hands, even though the presence was comforting. "Beautiful" he utters, the backs of his fingers drifting at the side of her face. Lauren doesn't know what to say, but before she can give a speech about him being more beautiful than all the stars, the waiter appears at their table with their food, and they are launched into quiet once again. Next, he shows Lauren a small church like building near the edge of the city. He claims they mustn't stay long as the next boat ride leaves in 45 minutes, so they just needed some time to kill. He points out everything, and Lauren wonders how on earth he can fit so much information inside his head. He launches into explanations from the pictures in the stain glassed windows to how it was now used for ballroom and salsa dancing twice a week. They're standing outside of it, Lauren having to crane her neck to see the high up parts of the roof, when he suddenly steps back away from her. She turns to look at him and is met with his cheeky grin that she had started to become accustomed to seeing now, the same face appearing every time he made some lame joke or witty remark. He puts his right hand behind his back, offering out his left hand to her, and bows his head slightly, smiling. He nods his head slightly at her, as if silently asking her to take his hand. Slowly, she puts her hand delicately in his, allowing him to pull her into him slightly. She feels like her cheeks are on fire, the closeness of them startling her, but also making her heart flutter and want to pull him even closer. His left hand clasps her right hand, and his right hand resting on her waist with hers lying on top. They slowly start to sway, both looking down at their feet to avoid standing on one another. They laugh loudly, the sound echoing loudly around the small square, alerting pigeons hidden away in the streets, making them fly up and away. "I don't think they like our dancing" he beams down at her, spinning her under his arm and pulling her back closely to him. "I'm sorry" she laughs, cringing slightly as she steps slightly on his feet for the fifth time "I can't dance" "That's okay, I can." He says calmly, looking up from their feet to smirk slightly at her. "I take the weekly classes" and off he whisks her again. Lauren didn't know whether he was telling the truth or not, but either way she didn't care. She thought he was a phenomenal dancer. The sun was setting and the day was drawing to a close, bringing the time they had together with it. Lauren knew it had to end, but a part of her was hoping he would ask for her name or number or anything. 'Or you could ask him for his number' she thought to herself. But no, like a handsome guy like him wouldn't want her number. He probably stayed with her because he knew she was traveling alone and he felt bad for her. Surely, that was it. The thought was bugging her as they walked towards the river, itching at her mind like the waves repeatedly lapping the brick wall of the dock. He refuses to tell her where they're going, constantly saying "it's a surprise" and "you'll love it" as they walked. "Why won't you tell me?" She whines as they walk along. The wind is beginning to bite now, the warmth of the sun beginning to fade beyond the horizon. Not enough to class it as cold, but the feeling of a chilly night was hanging in the air. His hands are thrust deep into his pockets, the collar of his coat pulled up slightly, and his thick red scarf (that he had shoved into his coat pocket because "I'm always prepared. I'm like James Bond. Or a boyscout. Or whoever says that.") was wrapped around his neck, his face buried into it. Lauren hadn't thought of the weather turning cold, her long coat left at home. She pulls the collars of her jacket up slightly and crosses her arms, tucking her hands into her armpits. "Because it's a secret" he laughs, suddenly raising his hand out of his pocket and poking her nose. She freezes out of shock. He looks down at her with concern after he realised she didn't reply. "You'll like it" he says, his cheeky smile gone, replaced with a look of concern "I promise" "I-I don't doubt that" she recovers, walking slightly faster to keep up with his fast strides. With a surge of confidence she loops her arm through his, wrapping her other arm around the front of his, using it to pull him close. "I just want to know where we're going because of going back to my hotel late" it was a lame excuse but she needed something to say to stop her awkward and shy self unwrapping her arm from his, which was currently providing a great deal of comfort. "Don't worry about that, I'll make sure you're back safe and sound" he pulls her slightly closer and nudges her shoulder with his. She looks up at him to find him smiling down on her. They stop walking for a moment and for a split second she thought he was leaning slightly towards her, but then it was gone, and his soft brown eyes were no longer looking at hers but at the path ahead. He pulls the arm not linked with hers out from his pocket and points. "There" As soon as Lauren sees the small ferry boat docked to the wall she gasps, immediately realising what it is. She squeals and throws her arms around his neck, burying her face into his coat. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou" she squeals into his shoulder. She feels the vibration of his laugh through his chest as he wraps his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder. "You're more than welcome. Come on, the next trip leaves in 10 minutes." He unwraps his arms from around her and wraps his hand around hers, pulling her towards the boat. He pays for her ticket (she barely fights him this time, if there's one thing she learnt it was that he was very stubborn, telling her time and time again that he wanted to pay, he wanted her to see) and they both head towards the top part of the boat which was open. The wind was blowing harshly and Lauren once agin regrets her choice of clothing, the biting cold getting to her once more. All of a sudden she felt soft and warm fabric being wrapped securely around her neck, and the scent of cologne making it's way into her nose. She looks up at the obvious owner of the scarf, her mouth already opening to protest before he silences her. "Don't even try to give it back. I'm fine. You'll catch a cold if you don't have it and then you won't be able to come on anymore trips with me will you?" He smiles brightly and she feels her stomach flip once more at the idea of more trips with him. She buries her face into his scarf and feels herself being engulfed with his cologne and warmth. She mutters a thank you and moves toward the front of the boat, hoping he doesn't see her bright blush creeping up her cheeks. Once the boat gets moving she's very grateful of the scarf, the biting wind hitting her face making her cheeks go scarlet, thankfully hiding the blush still residing on her face. There aren't very many people on the boat, just an old couple sitting down behind them and a few tourists on the other side taking photos of the island. The silence is peaceful, the fresh wind and gushing of water creating an atmosphere Lauren could stay in forever. The last rays of sun were hitting the water, creating sparkles that moved and spread with every wave and acted as their own fairy lights, illuminating the bottom of their faces and lighting up the front of the boat. Up here there was nothing holding them back, the world was at their feet and with so much to discover, Lauren didn't know where to begin. She always wanted to travel. The appeal of so many cultures with their different food and customs and languages and architecture had been calling to her since she was a child. "You know" she spoke up "I've always wanted to travel" "Really?" He looks down at her smiling "me too" "When I was a kid, we went on holiday every year. It wasn't huge, just a few hours down the road to a campsite near my grandparents. They had this huge camper van that my mum was always jealous of, and we would go there and pitch our tent next to their camper, every year. But one year, money was a bit tighter and we couldn't go. I was so distraught. There was always something to do there. Always. And it was just gone. So I was angry and upset and I just left. I got up, little 7 year old me, and left the house." She hears uncontrollable laughter next to her, and turns to see him with his head thrown back laughing at her story "where did you go?!" He half-shouts, bemused "Down the road! I walked to the park before my parents realised where I'd gone and well naturally they freaked! Had half the road looking for me! I needed my adventure for the year, and if the campsite wasn't going to provide it then I would find something!" Lauren shouts defiantly, as if she was sticking her tongue out at the universe for trying to stitch up her holiday. "That is actually the best thing I've ever heard" he laughs, shaking his head. "Thanks I guess, the funny thing is my parents weren't even that angry! I mean they were terrified but they knew I was a little adventurer so they managed to save some money and take me on a proper holiday the following year. And I suppose ever since then I've wanted to travel" she smiles and turns to him beaming at her. "Well you're doing it aren't you? Look at you traveling on your own! 7 year old you would be proud" he nudged her shoulder and looks back out onto the water. "That's right! I'm free!" She yelled over the river, throwing her arms up and grinning from ear to ear. "We're both free!" He cheers, also throwing his arms up, waving them around like flags in the wind. Once they'd both calmed down, the sloshing of the water against the boat being the only noise, he turns and leans his back against the railing. "Hey, what's your name anyway?" He asks. She mirrors him, also leaning back on the railings. "I'll tell you tomorrow" she replies "Then do you want to meet coincidentally tomorrow too?" She pauses for a moment, what if she didn't see him? She had nothing to fall back on. No number, no name no address. But something told her it would be fine. She'd find him. No matter what. "Sure, look carefully" Lauren sighs, flopping down on her bed and closing her eyes. Today had been incredible. Just absolutely perfect. When she shut her eyes, his smiling face was imprinted on her closed eyelids, and she felt herself feel giddy. "God I'm disgusting" she mumbles to herself sitting up "I'm like a love sick teenager!" Once she had prepared for bed she lay down and began looking through her pictures from today. There were the pictures of the mini cafe she went to this morning, the view onto people outside making her smile and as remembered the smell of rich coffee and freshly baked pastries cake rushing back to her, courtyard with its fountain in the centre, the toys in the shop windows and the sweet shops with their treats all out on display and- she pauses, seeing the mop of brown hair. She'd completely forgotten to ask him about the pictures, and how he showed up in nearly all of them. Was he following her? 'It doesn't matter.' She told herself firmly. He was kind and nice and she wanted to see him again, there's no way he was being creepy. Besides, she saw him walk the other way, and would've known if he was following her. It must've been fate or something. The next photos are from the market, and then the selfies on the bridge, their faces smilingly happily next to their ice creams, then photos from their dinner and finally from the boat, with the beautiful scenery all around them. She looks at them all slowly, savouring every shred of memory and sense that she got from looking at the pictures. An hour later she places her phone down on the table next to her and sighs deeply, letting the lullingly thought of his voice and the possibility of seeing him again tomorrow send her off to sleep. The drive to Titlis was short, but Lauren's mind wouldn't stop reeling with possibilities both good and bad for the day, making the drive seem longer than anything she'd experienced. She practically fell out of the taxi, saying her thanks and almost running off without paying. This was the place she'd written on her itinerary, she was sure of it. Not that she could check, she'd lost it at some point yesterday. She spent ages looking for it but eventually gave up. It's not like it was going to make any difference to if she met mystery boy or not. The scenery there was beautiful, the water in the lake was crystal blue and still, and the path around it was empty apart from her, apparently not busy that day. She didn't mind, she liked the quiet, especially in a beautiful place like this. But today, she didn't want quiet. She wanted a certain boy with brown eyes and dark hair to come striding round the corner with his mind full of other opportunities they could do. But there was no one. She felt sad, but refused to lose hope. He'd find her eventually... right? It had been 2 hours and Lauren's feet were beginning to become sore from walking. She'd walked all the way around the park in search of him with no results. There was only one place left. She looked up at the hill with a sigh, regretting the slice of chocolate cake she'd accepted back at the shop. "He better be up here" she whispers to herself as she begins the long path upwards "or I'm actually going to kill him" "290, 291, 292, 293, 294, 295, 296" she gasps for breath as she reached the top of the hill. 'Why couldn't they have added 4 more steps' she thinks to herself, not wanting to speak in fear of passing out. 'A nice whole number would've made this slightly less painful. Or alternatively install an escalator.' But she couldn't deny, the view was stunning. The mountains that seemed so large and scary from the floor seemed slightly less so and more like guards standing by a beautiful jewel that should be protected from those wanting to hurt it. Lauren took a moment to breathe, the air blowing against her face acting as a refresher, filling her lungs with much needed cold air. Then she remembered why she'd climbed up there and quickly turned around, scanning the top of the hill for the mop of dark hair and the clumsy gait of mystery boy. She ran to the other side of the hill and there, a few feet away with his back to here, was a man sitting on a bench, his head in his hands. She felt like jumping up and down. He was there. He was really there. She walked slowly to the bench, her heart beating rapidly. She stood behind him for a moment and noticed he wasn't wearing his scarf. She frowned slightly and sat slowly next to him, then put her scarf slowly around his neck. His head shot up, and his eyes locked with hers. They were both speechless for a moment, staring at each other. A huge grin broke out on her face as she smiles at him. "You forgot your scarf" she says curtly "I was in a rush to leave" he replies simply "Don't even try to give it back. I'm fine. You'll catch a cold if you don't have it and then you won't be able to come on any trips with me" she says smirking, quoting him from the boat trip. His head falls back and he laughs "I can't believe you're here" she says breathlessly "Me neither, I've been... well hoping you were going to be here" Lauren smiles and felt him shuffle closer "So?" "So what?" "You told me you'd tell me your name if we met today, and here we are" "Of course I did" she laughs, "Well, my name is Lauren" "Nice to meet you Lauren, I'm Jinyoung" ~~Jinyoungs story~~ Jinyoung walks quickly down the road, fully aware that the library shuts early that day due to it being a holiday, and he really did not want to be late to pick up the book he ordered a few weeks ago. As he rounded the corner he abruptly walked into someone, nearly knocking them to the ground. "I'm sorry" he says, automatically reaching out to steady the persons arm. "It- its fine" he looks into the strangers face properly and his mind stops. She's beautiful. He quickly straightens up and laughs nervously, hoping it came out more confident than he thought. "Right. Sorry again for walking into you." "It's fine, really." She smiles and Jinyoung sees her hunch her back awkwardly, obviously nervous "bye" she says once more, clutching her tour guides to her chest and walking quickly away. Jinyoung looks after the girl, mystified. 'She's beautiful' he thinks to himself, but quickly shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. As he looks down to do so, he notices a piece of paper on the floor with hasty writing on it. He bends down to pick it up, realising it was the girls paper that must've fell from the bundle in her arms when he bumped into her, and looks up to call her back but it was already too late. She was gone. The churchyard was pretty, no denying that. But what, or actually who, Jinyoung was looking for was more beautiful. He sighs, think the itinerary scribbled on the paper was wrong. He was being an idiot. Just as he was about to give up and walk away, he sees her standing in the courtyard. Quickly he ducks behind a stone pillar so she doesn't see him. After a moment he peeks back around the stone to see her standing by the well, eyes squeezed shut and hands clasped together. He can't help but think she looks adorable, like she was putting her heart and soul into this wish. She smiles brightly and turns away towards the door. Jinyoung dashes towards it and walks down the path so they cross paths and he looks over his shoulder at her, smiling to himself. He sees her stop and begin to turn around, so he quickly fakes interest in the bell standing tall above them, before she turns and starts walking away again. He looks after her for a moment, then fast walks to the well, quickly throws a coin in, mumbling 'I want to see her again' to himself, then almost runs towards the exit again. Jinyoung didn't mean to be in so many pictures. He couldn't help but stay, watching her face light up everytime she saw a new toy or a new treat in a bakery window. He noticed tiny things to do with her, like the way she looked at every toy to see how it works, or the way she covered her mouth and smiled when she ate, or wiped the corners of her mouth to make sure no sugar had been left there from a donut. Really, he wanted to be in one or two pictures, then leave and leave her to wonder where he was. A tiny (actually quite large, but he was telling himself it was tiny) part of him wanted her to come looking for him. But that was impossible. And it would ruin everything. If she went off course, he would lose track of her and would have to hang around each place until she came. He pauses for a moment. What if she thought he was stalking her. 'I mean,' he thought 'legally I might be, but I'm only doing it to see her again, in hopes I can gather courage to speak to her. Right. That's it. Next time, I'll talk to her.' 'Are you following me?' Jinyoungs heart dropped. So much for talking to her nicely and asking for her number. He had seen her head towards the stairs a little while ago and followed her up them, laughing not unkindly at how she was struggling to climb them, swearing every once in a while after her long walk up the hill. Jinyoung on the other hand was jogging up the stairs, trying not to run too fast up them in case she heard or he ran into her, but fast enough to still hear her and not loose her. He watched her as she looked below, her face softening with every child or dog she could see, and just how peaceful she looked staring down at the world unfolding beneath her. Then she asked if he was following her. Ruined the magic slightly, he wasn't gonna lie. He was so surprised by her question all he did was point at himself, confused. Confused, he looks behind him and points at his chest. "Me?" He asks. He sees her purse her lips slightly in a nervous way. "It felt like you were following me from a while ago..." she trails off. "I wasn't" he replies, looking away from her in hopes that she wouldn't see his cheeks going bright red. Jinyoung wanted the ground to open up and swallow him. "Do you want to bet if we can meet in the same place again in an hour? If we do, we should tour around together..." He says hopefully. "I'm not a weird person" he says, mentally slapping himself for opening his mouth before thinking. "I'm a student here. Here's my student ID card." He frantically looks in his pockets for his card. "No! Thanks, that's- that's fine." "oh" He wanted to punch himself for being so awkward and unsmooth. They both stand there, the air thick with tension around them. Jinyoungs mind was reeling with all the stupid things he could say. He decided best not to open his mouth again, kicking his feet at the floor to avoid her gaze, wondering whether he should apologise and give up. "In... in one hour?" He hears her say. Jinyoung jerks his head up and smiles. "Yes!" He says enthusiastically. She looks at it, bows her head slightly and walks past him. Jinyoung slowly lowers his hand, thinking 'god I'm an idiot' Jinyoung did enjoy the fair. There was plenty there to keep him interested while he waited for the mystery girl, like weird wooden masks and some vinyls. When he finally did spot her she was looking at a stall with what looked like an emptied out attic. Jinyoung wouldn't have looked at it twice, not finding any interest in the marbled paperweight or the marble runway, but she was looking at it fascinated, radiating with happiness once again. He didn't watch her for very long, laughing slightly as she put on a fluffy Russian styled hat, (which still looked positively adorable on her as the highest fashion hat would look on a model) even though the sun was shining down brightly on them. Quietly, he walks up behind her. He sees her reach for a book, her small fingers reaching for the fading cover. Without thinking, he reached out with his own hand and put it over hers. Her head slowly turns towards him. "Oh of course it would be you." She laughs, but Jinyoung can hear the slight tension in her voice. "You say that as if it's a negative thing." He laughs, hoping his nervousness doesn't show in his voice. "Well... it's strange to see you again I must say. I best be going now." Jinyoungs heart drops. 'Why is she giving up so easily? Am I really bothering her that much? I don't want to stop seeing her but I don't want to make her uncomfortable...' he quickly pulls on a smile, trying not to let his sadness show. "Well... I mustn't get in your way." He brightly sticks out his hand, hoping that she'll at least shake his hand then he'll leave. She looks down at her feet, and to his immense disappointment she simply bows her head slightly, and walks away, yet again leaving him staring after her. Jinyoung feels like screaming. It takes everything his power not to yell, take her by the hand, and show her all the wonders of the city with him as her guide. He had no idea why he was feeling like this, he had never felt so strongly towards anything, never mind a stranger he just met, but there was a feeling deep in his heart and body to show this girl everything, and to kiss her and hold her tightly, not just because of her beauty but because there was just something there. Jinyoung had never believe in soulmates before, but this experience was slowly changing something inside him whether he knew it or not. Before Jinyoung knew what he was doing, he was running full speed after her, taking the steps 2 at a time. "Hey! Wait!" Jinyoung calls out, running in front her and turning towards her. He then realises that he probably looks strange running after her, and tries to create a smile, hoping desperately that it didn't look creepy. She shoves her hands in her pockets and he sees a slight smile start to bloom on her beautiful face. "Are you travelling alone?" He says without thinking, surprise at how calm and steady his voice came outs. She shyly nods in response. Jinyoung starts to panic. 'Well now what do I do?!' He asks himself 'she's travelling alone... how do I tell her I want to join her?!' In a desperate attempt to look cool and flirtatious, he thinks of all the romcom films that he'd been forced to watch with his sisters when he was younger and couldn't grab the TV remote off of them. So, ever so slowly, he pushes his arm up and around her shoulder, his forearm brushing the back of her ponytail- "You can speak comfortably to me" she says, looking up at him, with what Jinyoung could swear was a smirk. He scratches the back of his head, trying to pretend as though he was in the act of scratching an itch, rather than a horrific attempt at courtship. She then seems to loose her confidence and looks down at her feet, and they're forced back into a silence that was begging to be filled. In the corner of his eye, Jinyoung sees her get her phone out of her pocket and start peering at it. "Where am I supposed to go?" She whispers absentmindedly to herself. An idea comes into his head. He reached out, plucks the phone out of her hands, and places it behind his back. She looks at him, for a moment angrily and shocked, but then expectantly, waiting for him to explain himself. "Can you even travel while looking at this?" He questions, looking down at the map pulled up on her phone. Jinyoung takes a moment, pausing to think what to do. He looks down at her, at this pretty girl who he has been searching and waiting for all day. 'I'm not going to give up now. Not when she's here.' Quickly, he reaches for her hand, finally finally wrapping his hand around her small one and intertwining their fingers. He starts pulling her away, back down towards the fair, everything they could do reeling through his mind. And above all that, above all the food to taste, games to play, views to see, cultures to learn, is the feeling, the feeling that was so overwhelming he felt as though he couldn't breathe, that her hand just felt so right in his. The first place Jinyoung pulled her was the bridge. He ponders slightly on why she hasn't let go of his hand, but ends up being thankful for it. Her hand was smaller than his and softer, and Jinyoung felt a certain protectiveness as this kind girl was timidly holding his hand, allowing him to pull her along the large streets of a strange city. He decides that if she lets go, she lets go, but he wants to do everything to stop her from pulling away. Suddenly he feels her pulling slightly on his hand, bringing him to a halt in the middle of the street. He turns to look at her expectantly, curious as to why she's stopped him. He wanted to go onto the bridge and take some pictures, but they hadn't even reached the edge yet. Maybe she didn't want to keep going. Maybe she wanted to stop. Maybe she didn't want to see him again- "Ice cream" she says "What?" He replies, turning around to look at her slightly shocked face, eyes widened and mouth slightly open "I- I was wondering if you... wanted to go and... get ice cream" she says, tripping over her words. Jinyoung wants to laugh, her cute smile appearing back on her face. She looks back down at her feet, as it occurs to Jinyoung that she does that whenever she's nervous, which seems to be a lot around him. He decides to mess with her a little bit, furrows his eyebrows and cocking his head back slightly. He feels the warm grip on his hand falter slightly, a sign of her pulling away and he quickly grasps her hand firmly again, replying quickly "Who the hell would say no to ice cream, huh?" "You ass!" She hits his chest and he cringes away laughing "why did you look disgusted?!" "Awhh I'm sorry, I was just joking" he cooes, swinging their hands back and forth. He sees the red of blush rise on her cheeks slowly and laughs, loving the effect he has on her. "Whatever" she mutters, a smile behind her voice as she pulls him towards the ice cream van as Jinyoung lets out a loud laugh. Jinyoung is beginning to think that he's dreaming when the girl still does not release his hand as they walk up and down the bridge eating their ice creams. "So, what's the plan?" She asks suddenly. They had finished their treats about 20 minutes ago and he was beginning to wonder if they should stop for some proper food. "Does there need to be a plan?" He asks dreamily, looking up at the bright sky above them, the clouds seemingly unmoving due to the little wind. "I suppose not, but I would be keen to know what we're going to do" she looks down at her feet again and Jinyoung try's not to scrunch his nose at the action. From here, he can't see her beautiful eyes. "Well, what do you think? I've heard the boat rides are beautiful this time of year, and there's plenty of places to eat lunch, are you hungry?" He asks causally. She pauses, not replying for a while "Umm... no?" Her voice sounded like a question, unsure of what to say. However her body seemed to know the answer as just as she finished her sentence her stomach gave out a loud rumble. She looks at him wide eyed in embarrassment, but he lets out a loud laugh, "Well I guess that answer that question!" He exclaims. She looks down at her feet again and Jinyoung bites his lip. And is overcome with an urge to push her hair back from her face. He decides, not for the first time today, to do what his heart wants, accepting the consequences later. As long as he sees her beautiful face again. He slowly stops and raises his hand, placing it below her chin and gently pulling it up until he was staring into her eyes. "I wish you wouldn't do that" he whispers "it's like you're trying to hide yourself from everyone. But you shouldn't. You're-" 'Beautiful' he stops himself from saying, this word getting caught on his tongue, unable to escape his mouth. "You don't need to hide yourself. Especially not from me. I'm your special guardian aren't I?" He finishes, hoping that his little speech didn't sound too forward of stupid. He smiles, cocking his head to the side to try and get her to laugh, and not think of his speech. He doesn't regret it, certainly not. And he meant it. He meant every word, but felt his insecurities build back up again, the voice in the back of his mind telling him she'd never accept his speech, thinking he was some weirdo that had been stalking her because she was hot. Hell, they'd barely known each other for a day. He doesn't know how to express it all, so without even trying to think of a response, he clears his throat slightly and walks towards the food court. Jinyoung knows exactly where they're going to before they'd even left the bridge. There was a small café and restaurant down by a quieter part of the river that he used to visit with his sisters when he was younger. He can remember the scenery as if it was their house; the white metal railings decorating the edge of the garden which overhangs the river slightly, the kind old lady who ran the shop who never failed to recognise him as soon as he entered, the small wooden seats with their fluffy cushions placed on top which his sisters used to take from their own chairs to put on his so that he could reach the table properly, and the undeniable fact that the food there was liked by everyone, no matter who they are. Rich, poor, famous, a civilian, old, young. They all came to enjoy the delicious food. The sun was shining down on them as it often was there. Or maybe Jinyoung only remembered the sunny days, the days of rain and staying inside washed away. When they had ordered he of course insisted to pay. "I'm your personal tour guide" he said "I have to look after you!" Jinyoung is immensely happy. He feels as though he can truly relax with this girl, his light and teasing tone often seen as annoying, because it was unclear if he was insulting you or not. But she seemed to love it, almost always having some kind of witty comeback to reply with. "Does that even count as food?!" He teases, pointing at the small starter salad she had ordered and laughs. "It has a flower on it!" "No it does not-" she looks incredulously down at her food as he voice audibly stops halfway through her sentence. She closes her eyes and sighs dramatically, and Jinyoung just laughs manically. She gently picks up the flower and twirls it between her thumb and index finger, watching it with a fascinating look on her face. "Ah if is pretty though" she looks up at him. 'Like you' he thinks. He smiles at her for a moment, appreciating the sun beating down on him, the smell of food drifting towards him, the river flowing peacefully next to them- their faces close together. While he wasn't paying attention she had slipped the flower into his hair. He almost stops breathing. For a moment, he thinks she has. Their faces are close enough for their breath to mingle, and his breath moves her hair slightly next to her face, but he feels nothing against him. Before he can question this, she quickly sits back down. Her head tips back down slightly and he knows she is blushing. "It suits you" she utters lightly. He stares at her for a moment, not believing the change in atmosphere. "Something that pretty deserves to be on a more beautiful person" he says simply, and lifts it out of his own hair and puts it in hers, tucking a small pice of hair behind her ear in the process. He feels her flinch slightly when his fingers brush her cheek, but hopes it was just the cold of his fingers. "Beautiful" he whispers absentmindedly, not really processing what was coming out of his mouth. She doesn't respond, simply looks at him with her wide eyes and innocent look, the small yellow flower sitting comfortably in her hair. He's about to say something, possibly even apologise, when the waiter appears at their table with their food, and they are launched into quiet once again. Next, Jinyoung shows her the small public building in the centre of the square. It used to be a church, but is now used more like a town hall or public meeting space. He assess her body language as he's talking, making sure she don't get too bored or too annoyed. To his delight, her smile not faltering once thought his explanation. He grins to himself, glad that he had someone to talk to about it, everyone else he tells telling him to stop reading history books from the library and 'get a life'. For once, someone was listening. For once, people weren't beating him down for his knowledge, they were raising him up because of it. Once he realises this, he steps back dramatically, thinning of old films he watched with his parents, and stories told by his grandparents. He puts his right hand behind his back, offering out his left hand to her, and bows his head slightly. For a moment his smile falters, fear of rejection suddenly coming into his mind but he carried on, silently urging her to take his hand. Slowly, she puts her hand delicately in his, allowing him to pull her into him. He clasps his left hand around her right hand, placing his right hand on her waist with hers on top of his arm, gripping his coat. They slowly start to sway, Jinyoung trying to lead her in a circle, but it seems she isn't paying attention, trying too hard to not step on him. They laugh loudly, the sound echoing loudly around the small square, alerting pigeons hidden away in the streets, making them fly up and away, but he still looks at her, admiring her. Her forehead is creased, her eyebrows furrowed together in concentration and grin threatening to burst onto her face. "I don't think they like our dancing" he smiles at her, spinning her under his arm and pulling her back closely to him. "I'm sorry" she laughs "I can't dance" "That's okay, I can." He says calmly, looking up from their feet to smirk slightly at her. "I take the weekly classes" and off he whisks her again. Jinyoung didn't even notice the 10 more times she stood on his toes, or the way she stumbled when she looked up at him, or the way her fingers tightened on his coat when he spun them around, or the way the space between them got closer and closer until it was no longer there. The day was coming to and end, the sun setting over the town and the shops were beginning to close. But Jinyoung wanted one more trip. He wanted to take her on the boat ride. It would take them down the river, so they could see the town from a whole other angle. He knew she'd love it, she'd let slip multiple times that she adored the river, and peeked up when he'd said he'd been on a boat trip down it. "Really?!" What was it like?!" She said excitedly, then proceeded to drill him about it. They started heading over there once they'd finished dinner, however he refused to tell her where they were going, no matter how many times she said "oh please!" Or "It won't make me enjoy it less if I know!" They were only a few minutes away and Jinyoung was determined not to tell her until it came into sight. "Why won't you tell me?" She whines cutely as they walk along. The beginnings of cold were approaching and Jinyoung was glad he had shoved his scarf into his pocket this morning, even if she had been taking the piss out of him. "Because it's a secret" he laughs, suddenly raising his hand out of his pocket and poking her nose. She freezes, and Jinyoung worries that he's gone too far. Again. "You'll like it" he says seriously "I promise" "I don't doubt that" he hears her footsteps speed up and suddenly she loops her arm through his. He merely looks down in surprise at her clinging onto his coat like a little koala bear and smiles, hiding his blushing cheeks in his scarf once more. "I just want to know where we're going because of going back to my hotel late" "Don't worry about that, I'll make sure you're back safe and sound" he pulls her slightly closer and nudges her shoulder with his. He looks down at her and stops. Realising for the 100th time that day how pretty she is. Instinctively at their closeness he leans slightly in towards her, time slowing down as he moves ever so slightly towards her lips, but stops himself when he realised they've rounded the final corner. Quickly he pulls the arm not linked with hers out from his pocket and points. "There" She gasps and throws her arms around his neck, burying her face into his coat. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou" she squeals into his shoulder. He tenses slightly at the sudden impact but smiles broadly as he secures her in his arms, laughing at her childlike happiness. "You're more than welcome. Come on, the next trip leaves in 10 minutes." He reluctantly unwraps his arms from around her and wraps his hand around hers, pulling her towards the boat. Jinyoung insists to pay, and she barely fights him, knowing she won't win. The wind on the open top boat was harsh and he looks down at her in her thin coat and can see her trying to suppress shivers. Without thinking twice he lifts his warm scarf off his own neck and gently wraps it around her. "Don't even try to give it back. I'm fine. You'll catch a cold if you don't have it and then you won't be able to come on anymore trips with me will you?" He smiles brightly, hoping she'll take the scarf to be warmer. He sees her gratefully accept the warmth it provides and dig her face more into it, making his insides warm up with how her cheeks smush slightly against the soft wool. He hears a muffled thank you and she walks away, Jinyoung unsure whether the red on her cheeks was the red from the scarf or a slight blush. He hopes for the latter. He's thankful for the lack of people, the silence and calmness being just what he wanted to end his day with her. "You know" she raises her voice slightly to cut through the scarf barrier "I've always wanted to travel" "Really?" He looks down at her smiling "me too" Jinyoung had always been fascinated with other cultures, but the main thing stopping him from traveling was he never saw the appeal of traveling alone. He always wanted someone with him, to share the memories with and to appreciate everything with him. Her story shows the opposite, the strong independent little girl stomping down the road alone in pursuit of an adventure had an appeal to him, like he could use some of her courage. "Well you're doing it aren't you? Look at you traveling on your own! 7 year old you would be proud" he nudged her shoulder and looks back out onto the water. "That's right! I'm free!" She throws her arms up to show how 'free' she was, the wind catching on her jacket, forcing it open and to fly behind her like some kind of cape. Seeing her like this, the complete epitome of happiness and contentment with the universe and her place in life, made him smile, believing that maybe he could be like her, like little 7 year old her and do anything in pursuit of what makes him happy. "We're both free!" He cheers, his mini epiphany making him join her actions. Only then does he stop and think about today, about how he wants to change and be more adventurous and brave like her, does he realise a crucial flaw in their relationship. "Hey, what's your name anyway?" He asks "I'll tell you tomorrow" "Then do you want to meet coincidentally tomorrow too?" He looks hopefully at her, his hand subconsciously sliding down to touch the piece of paper tucked away in his pocket "Sure, look carefully" Jinyoung gets back to his hotel completely restless. Even though he knew he was going to see her again he couldn't help but feel nervous. He really wants to see her again. He orders a cup of coffee and sits in the outside section of the hotel restaurant, the night sky gave no light for him to see, the lights shining through the doors behind him being the only illumination he had to read the itinerary. He hadn't read it since trying to find the fair as he'd been with her for the rest of it, and the paper was warm from his body heat. His thumb ran over the words scribbled under tomorrow's date. Titlis. Jinyoung knew where it was of course. It was the big open park like space close to him, the huge reservoir surrounded by lush green fields and tall grey mountains that stood tall, protecting everything. Jinyoung hadn't been there in years but he still had a clear memory of looking up at the mountains as he sat swinging his legs off the bench, his trainers scuffing the gravel below him, only just touching the floor. He folded up the map and placed it on the table in front of him. There was no point worrying, what would happen would happen. And he was determined to see her again. Jinyoung pants slightly climbing up the incline to the top of the hill, the muscles in his side screaming. He's been searching for almost 3 hour with still no luck. He pulls out the paper again, looking to see if there was an event she missed yesterday that she went back to, but there was nothing. This was the last thing she'd written on her itinerary. Feeling dejected he sat down on the bench overlooking the valley, his eyes scanning for the face he so desperately wanted to see. He saw nothing. His heart felt like it had dropped to his feet. He was so close. He looks at the itinerary in his hand, slowly closing his hand around it. He puts his head on his arms, looking at the floor beneath him, then closing his eyes in frustration. He tried so hard. But he lost her. He still lost her after everything he did. He feels angry. He feels upset. He feels let down. He feels a warm scarf being put over his neck, and a sweet perfume wash over him that made him giddy with happiness. He lifted his head and his eyes locked with hers. They were both speechless for a moment, staring at each other. Then the biggest smile Jinyoung had ever seen appeared on her face, filling him with happiness and excitement. "You forgot your scarf" she says curtly "I was in a rush to leave" he replies. And it was true, he was scared he was going to miss the time written on the itinerary and ran out the hotel as fast as possible. "Don't even try to give it back. I'm fine. You'll catch a cold if you don't have it and then you won't be able to come on any trips with me" she smirks and he laughs, remembering the lines coming from his own mouth on the boat "I can't believe you're here" she says breathlessly "Me neither, I've been..." 'waiting for you' he almost said "well hoping you were going to be here" she looks at the floor and he smiles. 'Some habits are hard to break' he thinks to himself as he shuffles closer to her "So?" "So what?" "You told me you'd tell me your name if we met today, and here we are" "Of course I did" she laughs, "Well, my name is Lauren" "Nice to meet you Lauren, I'm Jinyoung" ~~5 years later~~ "I told you that you could do it!" Lauren cheers, clapping her hands at Jinyoung as he joins her on the floor. "Never again" he pants "Oh come on! Who would've known 5 years ago that you'd be skydiving now?! You've gained so much confidence!" She leans on his shoulder as the instructor unclips himself from Jinyoung. "That was because of you. You gave me confidence the day I met you." She stares at him in silence, then softly grabs the back of his neck, pulling him down so she can kiss the top of his head. "That confidence was always there, Jinyoungie. I just showed you how to express it." "And that's why I love you" he says, bringing her lips towards his, kissing her softly. He pulls back and takes her hand in his, starting to walk back towards where the instructors had walked away to give them some privacy, and he looks at their interlaced fingers, and at the rings residing on their fingers, and smiles. "Y'know" he began, "there's something I've never told you" She looks at him sharply "Excuse me?" "The day I met you, when you bumped into me? You dropped your itinerary. That's how I found you. I thought you were beautiful and I knew I had to see you again." He finishes his confession and looks at her. Her face has complete and utter shock all over it. "I... I don't... WHAT" she laughs loudly in disbelief "I didn't know how or when to tell you! Now seems as good a time as any I guess" he smiles sheepily "5 YEARS JINYOUNG AND YOU TELL ME NOW" she yells, still laughing while Jinyoung shyly looks at his feet. Suddenly she's punching his arm and he's cowering away from her, clutching his arm in more shock than pain. "You, Park Jinyoung, are ridiculous!" She exclaims, still smiling "But you love me" He smiles, half scared that she'll start hitting him again. She smiles widely and nostalgically, looking into the face she loves so mucg "Of course I do. You fill my heart so deeply, Park Jinyoung. You put it together, from a million pieces."

[gccblufftononline]

Building a Home Your Kids Want to Come Home To

Kindred and Grace Website by Hayley Novak

building a home your kids want to come home to SHARES I’ve always admired families who stay close after their children are grown. A boy who wants to bring his girlfriend home, girls who go shopping with their mom even after mom’s style is. . . mom-ish. Happy camaraderie and a freedom to be unique while coming back to the fold to be loved unconditionally are metaphoric blocks we are trying to build into our family structure. Happy, healthy, close (but not clingy) grown families are so rare anymore. When I see one, I want to stop and pull up a chair and watch, like a happy movie, pressing pause at my favorite scenes and hyper-analyzing each minute detail. I watch my neighbors in awe, Sundays set aside for their grown children to drop by. I watch the massive quantities of groceries rushed in the door in preparation, Lay’s potato chips peeking out of the grocery sacks, the smell of the grill starting, as one by one the vehicles arrive, as their kids bring their kids home. I feel like a stalker but it’s hard to tear myself away from the sweetness of a family who loves well. But looking at the epically cool families while your little ones aren’t even sleeping through the night can be depressing: happy philosophy discussions over bowls of ice cream seem light years away. I don’t know this for sure, but here’s what I think: take heart because happy starts now. I don’t have a three-step plan, but we care deeply about creating a safe family. Our kids aren’t babies anymore; JD is 11, Cambria is 9 and our youngest, Eli, is 4. We are still in the thick of it. We don’t know how it will all turn out. But here are eleven things we are doing to build relationships with our kids and create a home they’ll want to visit someday.

1. Listening >Lecturing If I want my sixteen-year-old to talk to me about life, then I must listen to my fifth grader. It is hard sometimes. I find it hard to focus. Several weeks ago JD came home from a party and sat at the counter and proceeded to download every single detail. I honestly didn’t want to hear every little bit but a warning deep in my soul stopped me from sending him to the shower. Instead, I put away dishes and listened to his happy chatter. I looked across the counter at his face, still round with boyhood, and knew in my spirit that listening mattered. Daniel told me the other day that he took JD disc golfing; he relayed, a bit shocked, that JD had kept up a running conversation with him for the entire 18 holes. Does the talking stop for teens because parents stop listening? I don’t know yet. I only know at this stage I’m very, very tempted to stop listening: the stakes aren’t super high, the stories aren’t super interesting, I hear a lot about different kinds of pizza, jokes, and play by play description of each sporting event. But every time I start to tune out, I think of what I want in the future and tune back in.

2. Structure & Spontaneity Children love surprises. Adults love surprises too, though we’ve conditioned ourselves well to the daily grind of life. But surprises aren’t much fun if they happen constantly. One aspect of my job as a mom right now is creating structure so that we can be spontaneous. This means bedtimes and baths and schoolwork, the rhythm of a weekend, chores and hard work. And then it means throwing it all to the wind and packing everyone up to skip school and ride the subway into Chicago to a rooftop pool Hotwire deal and see fireworks over Navy Pier and eat breakfast on Lake Michigan. Structure + spontaneity is eating oatmeal for breakfast all week so we can eat donuts every Monday morning. It means going to bed early so they can stay up late when we have company. It means working hard so they appreciate throwing the job list in the trash and going on a hike (with snacks). Schedule makes the surprise so much sweeter; but too much schedule is just sad. Why wait for your kids to be adults to travel with them? Or eat out? No one will think going to the carwash in pajamas is cool when they’re twenty, but they’ll remember it happened and smile all over again. (I know. I was the five-year-old in pajamas watching the carwash magic. I never forgot.) Do the fun stuff. Do it now.

3. Shopping While shopping is hardly a cross for a woman to bear, it takes time and energy and I realized with a flash one day that my daughter Cambria had been begging me to go shopping with her and I was just too busy. I love thrifting and she was looking for the glow of the mall forty minutes away. We made up a plan to shop on free Saturdays when Daniel could have Eli with him and set a date. I was stunned and humbled by how much my daughter loved doing this with me. I wanted to cry multiple times as I realized how much I’d already missed out on and what I could have missed if I didn’t listen to her. We shopped and shopped and shopped. My feet ached. She bought accessories like a diva on vacation but stuck to her budget religiously (her daddy was proud) while I succumbed to Target (her daddy was not as proud of me). Much like listening, if I want her to know I love her and care about her need to be beautiful when she’s sixteen, I need to be involved in all those feelings now. Right now it’s the perfect color of laces for soccer cleats. I’m told a girl’s beauty needs get more complicated. I’m in it for the long haul even if it has to involve the mall.

4. Music Our family loves music. It’s easy to make music styles a hot button conflict as kids get older. But we are trying hard to avoid that by creating “us” music, not “me” music. In other words, we listen to all sorts of music at the kitchen counter, looking up lyrics and critiquing music styles together. This requires patience for Daniel and me (I’ve given up a lot of music that I really love because it’s not best for everyone) but it also requires patience from our kids (they often have to be flexible too). When we listen and even play and create music together we can appreciate the art and not lapse into a me-oriented world of zoning out with headphones. One of our favorite things to do is create playlists for events and people. We have a massive library of online playlists, carefully curated and edited to fit moods and events: we have a Saturday Morning Pancakes playlist and a Beanbags playlist, not to mention Happy Birthday, Dad, School Background, JD’s Christmas Party, Mowing, Rainy/Soul, and Kick My Wednesday in Gear. My hope for the next few years is for music to draw us closer, not farther apart and give a window into the individuality of each child’s soul.

5. Open Door to Friends When does the proverbial door open to friends? I’m not sure and I don’t want to miss the window, so our door has been open from the start of our kids being able to have relationships. It only gets more enjoyable and fun as their friends get older (and funnier and more interesting). It is never easy to allow your home to be open. It’s not easy to teach a child how to be and have a good friend; having friends and being friendly is something taught most often by example. It’s exhausting to have toddlers over that bite each other and spill juice all over. It’s not easy to deal with hurt feelings when little girls leave each other out and it’s embarrassing if it’s your kid who is the offender. It feels weary to explain why your son can’t shoot his airsoft gun at friends without eye protection. Sometimes it seems easier to close the door to friends, but I’m not sure anything other than temporary comfort is accomplished by that choice. Interacting with my children and their friends gives me opportunity again and again to train them, to demonstrate and teach wisdom and grace as well as speaking life and love into the extra kids in our home. I don’t want to wake up one day and realize that I don’t even know my children’s friends. So that means waking up now, and interacting now and swinging the door open. . . wide.

6. Patience with Trends and Styles Children are going to become adults. It’s important as parents to guide their steps and set parameters, but there should still be a lot of room for individuality. Think carefully before you choose to die on the hill of which shoes your child wants to wear to the family reunion. This is really hard for me because I feel like our kids reflect us. We don’t want them to be rebellious but I’d rather use my influence on issues that are black and white rather than making my daughter a mini me. Our kids are just hitting the age of caring about all of this. Homeschooling doesn’t shield a child’s desperate need to fit in and feel cool! I don’t place high priority on the cool factor–in fact a very low one (“I shop at Goodwill. You can too!”)–but we don’t want to exasperate them either. I may live to regret this, but we have found that saying something like this works: “Hey, this isn’t our favorite thing, and please don’t wear it to special events but why don’t you wear it when you are going [fill in appropriate place for trendy item].” Time and time again I see the thrill of said trendy item wear off and the child acquiesce to our family’s more classic (read: boring) style of clothing and appearance. But in the meantime we have averted multiple world wars and wounded spirits and misunderstandings.

7. Pizza Night On Friday nights at 7 pm at our house, you will see people draw their activities to a close and show up for pizza and family movie night. We are on our second year of regularly doing this together and I have been surprised at how much everyone enjoys it. Sometimes Daniel even takes time off of work for it. We eat in the living room and shut all the windows. JD usually picks the movie; he screens and searches relentlessly to find excellent entertainment each week. We have not forced this time slot to be free but as Daniel and I have chosen not to work or engage in other obligations, we have noticed that the kids do too. It’s crazy the things they’ll opt out of on their own: “Oh, sorry, I’d love to go but we have movie night. Maybe Saturday.” (I secretly grin to myself.)

8. Journaling Journaling is actually a new way I’m communicating with the kids but it’s been so successful that I’m sharing it here. I grabbed two blank journals, and wrote one at the top of each journal. I explained that each child’s response was 100% optional and I promised no hurt feelings if they never wrote back. I did not expect their intense fascination with journal sharing. They pour their hearts out on paper and then leave it on my pillow in a little bound book. I have laughed and laughed and almost cried reading what they think about life, and love too. You should try it. But believe me when I say the hardest thing about journaling with your kids is refusing to screenshot their responses to your friends.

9. Debriefing after Events This is huge for our family. We have a lot of event traffic and travel and guests and it’s very easy for us to lose track of family life. When I was a kid I capitalized on those busy times to do exactly as I pleased and I was pretty sure Mom and Dad would never notice. Debriefing gives us a chance to see how each child is doing, if there is anything to address from the event that just happened (it’s not polite to throw and gleefully launch frogs in front of little children, even if it is fun) or soothe hurts (we are sorry you got left out of the game) or even just simply saying: “Hey. You guys were awesome hosts. Good job.”

10. Sending Children to Grandparents Everyone needs a break from each other. Training children is not a lasting assignment, but marriage is, and it’s important to cultivate your marriage. I admit feeling guilty every single time I send the kids to their grandparents (even though its only twice a year) but to fall in love again is a better gift to our children than marriage burnout while we cling to parenting 24/7/365.

11. Going Outdoors Something about being outside seems to make humanity realize that the universe does not revolve around themselves. Being exposed to the elements is sometimes gentle and sometimes harsh but it’s all directly from the hand of God, unlike being inside our carefully controlled environments. The normal everyday frustrations of family life seem to pale a little when you leave the bills on the desk and the crumbs on the floor to go hiking in a cave or fishing in a pond. Laying in the back yard on fresh cut grass eating cookies, catching lightning bugs, building a fire, watching stars come out, listening for birds. . . appreciating the world God created, together, brings an awareness that God is in control and we are not. And that’s a good thing for a family to know.

[gccparents-blog]

Building a Home Your Kids Want to Come Home To

Kindred and Grace Website

by Hayley Novak

building a home your kids want to come home to

 SHARES

I’ve always admired families who stay close after their children are grown. A boy who wants to bring his girlfriend home, girls who go shopping with their mom even after mom’s style is. . . mom-ish. Happy camaraderie and a freedom to be unique while coming back to the fold to be loved unconditionally are metaphoric blocks we are trying to build into our family structure.

Happy, healthy, close (but not clingy) grown families are so rare anymore. When I see one, I want to stop and pull up a chair and watch, like a happy movie, pressing pause at my favorite scenes and hyper-analyzing each minute detail.

I watch my neighbors in awe, Sundays set aside for their grown children to drop by. I watch the massive quantities of groceries rushed in the door in preparation, Lay’s potato chips peeking out of the grocery sacks, the smell of the grill starting, as one by one the vehicles arrive, as their kids bring their kids home. I feel like a stalker but it’s hard to tear myself away from the sweetness of a family who loves well.

But looking at the epically cool families while your little ones aren’t even sleeping through the night can be depressing: happy philosophy discussions over bowls of ice cream seem light years away.

I don’t know this for sure, but here’s what I think: take heart because happy starts now.

I don’t have a three-step plan, but we care deeply about creating a safe family. Our kids aren’t babies anymore; JD is 11, Cambria is 9 and our youngest, Eli, is 4. We are still in the thick of it. We don’t know how it will all turn out. But here are eleven things we are doing to build relationships with our kids and create a home they’ll want to visit someday.

1. Listening >Lecturing

If I want my sixteen-year-old to talk to me about life, then I must listen to my fifth grader. It is hard sometimes. I find it hard to focus. Several weeks ago JD came home from a party and sat at the counter and proceeded to download every single detail. I honestly didn’t want to hear every little bit but a warning deep in my soul stopped me from sending him to the shower. Instead, I put away dishes and listened to his happy chatter. I looked across the counter at his face, still round with boyhood, and knew in my spirit that listening mattered. Daniel told me the other day that he took JD disc golfing; he relayed, a bit shocked, that JD had kept up a running conversation with him for the entire 18 holes.

Does the talking stop for teens because parents stop listening? I don’t know yet. I only know at this stage I’m very, very tempted to stop listening: the stakes aren’t super high, the stories aren’t super interesting, I hear a lot about different kinds of pizza, jokes, and play by play description of each sporting event. But every time I start to tune out, I think of what I want in the future and tune back in.

2. Structure & Spontaneity

Children love surprises. Adults love surprises too, though we’ve conditioned ourselves well to the daily grind of life. But surprises aren’t much fun if they happen constantly. One aspect of my job as a mom right now is creating structure so that we can be spontaneous. This means bedtimes and baths and schoolwork, the rhythm of a weekend, chores and hard work. And then it means throwing it all to the wind and packing everyone up to skip school and ride the subway into Chicago to a rooftop pool Hotwire deal and see fireworks over Navy Pier and eat breakfast on Lake Michigan.

Structure + spontaneity is eating oatmeal for breakfast all week so we can eat donuts every Monday morning. It means going to bed early so they can stay up late when we have company. It means working hard so they appreciate throwing the job list in the trash and going on a hike (with snacks). Schedule makes the surprise so much sweeter; but too much schedule is just sad. Why wait for your kids to be adults to travel with them? Or eat out? No one will think going to the carwash in pajamas is cool when they’re twenty, but they’ll remember it happened and smile all over again. (I know. I was the five-year-old in pajamas watching the carwash magic. I never forgot.) Do the fun stuff. Do it now.

3. Shopping

While shopping is hardly a cross for a woman to bear, it takes time and energy and I realized with a flash one day that my daughter Cambria had been begging me to go shopping with her and I was just too busy. I love thrifting and she was looking for the glow of the mall forty minutes away. We made up a plan to shop on free Saturdays when Daniel could have Eli with him and set a date. I was stunned and humbled by how much my daughter loved doing this with me. I wanted to cry multiple times as I realized how much I’d already missed out on and what I could have missed if I didn’t listen to her. We shopped and shopped and shopped. My feet ached. She bought accessories like a diva on vacation but stuck to her budget religiously (her daddy was proud) while I succumbed to Target (her daddy was not as proud of me).

Much like listening, if I want her to know I love her and care about her need to be beautiful when she’s sixteen, I need to be involved in all those feelings now. Right now it’s the perfect color of laces for soccer cleats. I’m told a girl’s beauty needs get more complicated. I’m in it for the long haul even if it has to involve the mall.

  4. Music

Our family loves music. It’s easy to make music styles a hot button conflict as kids get older. But we are trying hard to avoid that by creating “us” music, not “me” music. In other words, we listen to all sorts of music at the kitchen counter, looking up lyrics and critiquing music styles together. This requires patience for Daniel and me (I’ve given up a lot of music that I really love because it’s not best for everyone) but it also requires patience from our kids (they often have to be flexible too).

When we listen and even play and create music together we can appreciate the art and not lapse into a me-oriented world of zoning out with headphones. One of our favorite things to do is create playlists for events and people. We have a massive library of online playlists, carefully curated and edited to fit moods and events: we have a Saturday Morning Pancakes playlist and a Beanbags playlist, not to mention Happy Birthday, Dad, School Background, JD’s Christmas Party, Mowing, Rainy/Soul, and Kick My Wednesday in Gear. My hope for the next few years is for music to draw us closer, not farther apart and give a window into the individuality of each child’s soul.

5. Open Door to Friends

When does the proverbial door open to friends? I’m not sure and I don’t want to miss the window, so our door has been open from the start of our kids being able to have relationships. It only gets more enjoyable and fun as their friends get older (and funnier and more interesting).

It is never easy to allow your home to be open. It’s not easy to teach a child how to be and have a good friend; having friends and being friendly is something taught most often by example. It’s exhausting to have toddlers over that bite each other and spill juice all over. It’s not easy to deal with hurt feelings when little girls leave each other out and it’s embarrassing if it’s your kid who is the offender. It feels weary to explain why your son can’t shoot his airsoft gun at friends without eye protection.

Sometimes it seems easier to close the door to friends, but I’m not sure anything other than temporary comfort is accomplished by that choice. Interacting with my children and their friends gives me opportunity again and again to train them, to demonstrate and teach wisdom and grace as well as speaking life and love into the extra kids in our home. I don’t want to wake up one day and realize that I don’t even know my children’s friends. So that means waking up now, and interacting now and swinging the door open. . . wide.

6. Patience with Trends and Styles

Children are going to become adults. It’s important as parents to guide their steps and set parameters, but there should still be a lot of room for individuality. Think carefully before you choose to die on the hill of which shoes your child wants to wear to the family reunion. This is really hard for me because I feel like our kids reflect us. We don’t want them to be rebellious but I’d rather use my influence on issues that are black and white rather than making my daughter a mini me. Our kids are just hitting the age of caring about all of this. Homeschooling doesn’t shield a child’s desperate need to fit in and feel cool! I don’t place high priority on the cool factor–in fact a very low one (“I shop at Goodwill. You can too!”)–but we don’t want to exasperate them either.

I may live to regret this, but we have found that saying something like this works: “Hey, this isn’t our favorite thing, and please don’t wear it to special events but why don’t you wear it when you are going [fill in appropriate place for trendy item].” Time and time again I see the thrill of said trendy item wear off and the child acquiesce to our family’s more classic (read: boring) style of clothing and appearance. But in the meantime we have averted multiple world wars and wounded spirits and misunderstandings.

7. Pizza Night

On Friday nights at 7 pm at our house, you will see people draw their activities to a close and show up for pizza and family movie night. We are on our second year of regularly doing this together and I have been surprised at how much everyone enjoys it. Sometimes Daniel even takes time off of work for it.

We eat in the living room and shut all the windows. JD usually picks the movie; he screens and searches relentlessly to find excellent entertainment each week. We have not forced this time slot to be free but as Daniel and I have chosen not to work or engage in other obligations, we have noticed that the kids do too. It’s crazy the things they’ll opt out of on their own: “Oh, sorry, I’d love to go but we have movie night. Maybe Saturday.” (I secretly grin to myself.)

  8. Journaling

Journaling is actually a new way I’m communicating with the kids but it’s been so successful that I’m sharing it here. I grabbed two blank journals, and wrote one at the top of each journal. I explained that each child’s response was 100% optional and I promised no hurt feelings if they never wrote back.

I did not expect their intense fascination with journal sharing. They pour their hearts out on paper and then leave it on my pillow in a little bound book. I have laughed and laughed and almost cried reading what they think about life, and love too. You should try it. But believe me when I say the hardest thing about journaling with your kids is refusing to screenshot their responses to your friends.

9. Debriefing after Events

This is huge for our family. We have a lot of event traffic and travel and guests and it’s very easy for us to lose track of family life. When I was a kid I capitalized on those busy times to do exactly as I pleased and I was pretty sure Mom and Dad would never notice.

Debriefing gives us a chance to see how each child is doing, if there is anything to address from the event that just happened (it’s not polite to throw and gleefully launch frogs in front of little children, even if it is fun) or soothe hurts (we are sorry you got left out of the game) or even just simply saying: “Hey. You guys were awesome hosts. Good job.”

10. Sending Children to Grandparents

Everyone needs a break from each other. Training children is not a lasting assignment, but marriage is, and it’s important to cultivate your marriage. I admit feeling guilty every single time I send the kids to their grandparents (even though its only twice a year) but to fall in love again is a better gift to our children than marriage burnout while we cling to parenting 24/7/365.

11. Going Outdoors

Something about being outside seems to make humanity realize that the universe does not revolve around themselves. Being exposed to the elements is sometimes gentle and sometimes harsh but it’s all directly from the hand of God, unlike being inside our carefully controlled environments. The normal everyday frustrations of family life seem to pale a little when you leave the bills on the desk and the crumbs on the floor to go hiking in a cave or fishing in a pond.

Laying in the back yard on fresh cut grass eating cookies, catching lightning bugs, building a fire, watching stars come out, listening for birds. . . appreciating the world God created, together, brings an awareness that God is in control and we are not. And that’s a good thing for a family to know.

[johnatgcc]

Building a Home Your Kids Want to Come to

Kindred and Grace Website by Hayley Novak

building a home your kids want to come home to SHARES I’ve always admired families who stay close after their children are grown. A boy who wants to bring his girlfriend home, girls who go shopping with their mom even after mom’s style is. . . mom-ish. Happy camaraderie and a freedom to be unique while coming back to the fold to be loved unconditionally are metaphoric blocks we are trying to build into our family structure. Happy, healthy, close (but not clingy) grown families are so rare anymore. When I see one, I want to stop and pull up a chair and watch, like a happy movie, pressing pause at my favorite scenes and hyper-analyzing each minute detail. I watch my neighbors in awe, Sundays set aside for their grown children to drop by. I watch the massive quantities of groceries rushed in the door in preparation, Lay’s potato chips peeking out of the grocery sacks, the smell of the grill starting, as one by one the vehicles arrive, as their kids bring their kids home. I feel like a stalker but it’s hard to tear myself away from the sweetness of a family who loves well. But looking at the epically cool families while your little ones aren’t even sleeping through the night can be depressing: happy philosophy discussions over bowls of ice cream seem light years away. I don’t know this for sure, but here’s what I think: take heart because happy starts now. I don’t have a three-step plan, but we care deeply about creating a safe family. Our kids aren’t babies anymore; JD is 11, Cambria is 9 and our youngest, Eli, is 4. We are still in the thick of it. We don’t know how it will all turn out. But here are eleven things we are doing to build relationships with our kids and create a home they’ll want to visit someday.

1. Listening >Lecturing If I want my sixteen-year-old to talk to me about life, then I must listen to my fifth grader. It is hard sometimes. I find it hard to focus. Several weeks ago JD came home from a party and sat at the counter and proceeded to download every single detail. I honestly didn’t want to hear every little bit but a warning deep in my soul stopped me from sending him to the shower. Instead, I put away dishes and listened to his happy chatter. I looked across the counter at his face, still round with boyhood, and knew in my spirit that listening mattered. Daniel told me the other day that he took JD disc golfing; he relayed, a bit shocked, that JD had kept up a running conversation with him for the entire 18 holes. Does the talking stop for teens because parents stop listening? I don’t know yet. I only know at this stage I’m very, very tempted to stop listening: the stakes aren’t super high, the stories aren’t super interesting, I hear a lot about different kinds of pizza, jokes, and play by play description of each sporting event. But every time I start to tune out, I think of what I want in the future and tune back in.

2. Structure & Spontaneity Children love surprises. Adults love surprises too, though we’ve conditioned ourselves well to the daily grind of life. But surprises aren’t much fun if they happen constantly. One aspect of my job as a mom right now is creating structure so that we can be spontaneous. This means bedtimes and baths and schoolwork, the rhythm of a weekend, chores and hard work. And then it means throwing it all to the wind and packing everyone up to skip school and ride the subway into Chicago to a rooftop pool Hotwire deal and see fireworks over Navy Pier and eat breakfast on Lake Michigan. Structure + spontaneity is eating oatmeal for breakfast all week so we can eat donuts every Monday morning. It means going to bed early so they can stay up late when we have company. It means working hard so they appreciate throwing the job list in the trash and going on a hike (with snacks). Schedule makes the surprise so much sweeter; but too much schedule is just sad. Why wait for your kids to be adults to travel with them? Or eat out? No one will think going to the carwash in pajamas is cool when they’re twenty, but they’ll remember it happened and smile all over again. (I know. I was the five-year-old in pajamas watching the carwash magic. I never forgot.) Do the fun stuff. Do it now.

3. Shopping While shopping is hardly a cross for a woman to bear, it takes time and energy and I realized with a flash one day that my daughter Cambria had been begging me to go shopping with her and I was just too busy. I love thrifting and she was looking for the glow of the mall forty minutes away. We made up a plan to shop on free Saturdays when Daniel could have Eli with him and set a date. I was stunned and humbled by how much my daughter loved doing this with me. I wanted to cry multiple times as I realized how much I’d already missed out on and what I could have missed if I didn’t listen to her. We shopped and shopped and shopped. My feet ached. She bought accessories like a diva on vacation but stuck to her budget religiously (her daddy was proud) while I succumbed to Target (her daddy was not as proud of me). Much like listening, if I want her to know I love her and care about her need to be beautiful when she’s sixteen, I need to be involved in all those feelings now. Right now it’s the perfect color of laces for soccer cleats. I’m told a girl’s beauty needs get more complicated. I’m in it for the long haul even if it has to involve the mall.

4. Music Our family loves music. It’s easy to make music styles a hot button conflict as kids get older. But we are trying hard to avoid that by creating “us” music, not “me” music. In other words, we listen to all sorts of music at the kitchen counter, looking up lyrics and critiquing music styles together. This requires patience for Daniel and me (I’ve given up a lot of music that I really love because it’s not best for everyone) but it also requires patience from our kids (they often have to be flexible too). When we listen and even play and create music together we can appreciate the art and not lapse into a me-oriented world of zoning out with headphones. One of our favorite things to do is create playlists for events and people. We have a massive library of online playlists, carefully curated and edited to fit moods and events: we have a Saturday Morning Pancakes playlist and a Beanbags playlist, not to mention Happy Birthday, Dad, School Background, JD’s Christmas Party, Mowing, Rainy/Soul, and Kick My Wednesday in Gear. My hope for the next few years is for music to draw us closer, not farther apart and give a window into the individuality of each child’s soul.

5. Open Door to Friends When does the proverbial door open to friends? I’m not sure and I don’t want to miss the window, so our door has been open from the start of our kids being able to have relationships. It only gets more enjoyable and fun as their friends get older (and funnier and more interesting). It is never easy to allow your home to be open. It’s not easy to teach a child how to be and have a good friend; having friends and being friendly is something taught most often by example. It’s exhausting to have toddlers over that bite each other and spill juice all over. It’s not easy to deal with hurt feelings when little girls leave each other out and it’s embarrassing if it’s your kid who is the offender. It feels weary to explain why your son can’t shoot his airsoft gun at friends without eye protection. Sometimes it seems easier to close the door to friends, but I’m not sure anything other than temporary comfort is accomplished by that choice. Interacting with my children and their friends gives me opportunity again and again to train them, to demonstrate and teach wisdom and grace as well as speaking life and love into the extra kids in our home. I don’t want to wake up one day and realize that I don’t even know my children’s friends. So that means waking up now, and interacting now and swinging the door open. . . wide.

6. Patience with Trends and Styles Children are going to become adults. It’s important as parents to guide their steps and set parameters, but there should still be a lot of room for individuality. Think carefully before you choose to die on the hill of which shoes your child wants to wear to the family reunion. This is really hard for me because I feel like our kids reflect us. We don’t want them to be rebellious but I’d rather use my influence on issues that are black and white rather than making my daughter a mini me. Our kids are just hitting the age of caring about all of this. Homeschooling doesn’t shield a child’s desperate need to fit in and feel cool! I don’t place high priority on the cool factor–in fact a very low one (“I shop at Goodwill. You can too!”)–but we don’t want to exasperate them either. I may live to regret this, but we have found that saying something like this works: “Hey, this isn’t our favorite thing, and please don’t wear it to special events but why don’t you wear it when you are going [fill in appropriate place for trendy item].” Time and time again I see the thrill of said trendy item wear off and the child acquiesce to our family’s more classic (read: boring) style of clothing and appearance. But in the meantime we have averted multiple world wars and wounded spirits and misunderstandings.

7. Pizza Night On Friday nights at 7 pm at our house, you will see people draw their activities to a close and show up for pizza and family movie night. We are on our second year of regularly doing this together and I have been surprised at how much everyone enjoys it. Sometimes Daniel even takes time off of work for it. We eat in the living room and shut all the windows. JD usually picks the movie; he screens and searches relentlessly to find excellent entertainment each week. We have not forced this time slot to be free but as Daniel and I have chosen not to work or engage in other obligations, we have noticed that the kids do too. It’s crazy the things they’ll opt out of on their own: “Oh, sorry, I’d love to go but we have movie night. Maybe Saturday.” (I secretly grin to myself.)

8. Journaling Journaling is actually a new way I’m communicating with the kids but it’s been so successful that I’m sharing it here. I grabbed two blank journals, and wrote one at the top of each journal. I explained that each child’s response was 100% optional and I promised no hurt feelings if they never wrote back. I did not expect their intense fascination with journal sharing. They pour their hearts out on paper and then leave it on my pillow in a little bound book. I have laughed and laughed and almost cried reading what they think about life, and love too. You should try it. But believe me when I say the hardest thing about journaling with your kids is refusing to screenshot their responses to your friends.

9. Debriefing after Events This is huge for our family. We have a lot of event traffic and travel and guests and it’s very easy for us to lose track of family life. When I was a kid I capitalized on those busy times to do exactly as I pleased and I was pretty sure Mom and Dad would never notice. Debriefing gives us a chance to see how each child is doing, if there is anything to address from the event that just happened (it’s not polite to throw and gleefully launch frogs in front of little children, even if it is fun) or soothe hurts (we are sorry you got left out of the game) or even just simply saying: “Hey. You guys were awesome hosts. Good job.”

10. Sending Children to Grandparents Everyone needs a break from each other. Training children is not a lasting assignment, but marriage is, and it’s important to cultivate your marriage. I admit feeling guilty every single time I send the kids to their grandparents (even though its only twice a year) but to fall in love again is a better gift to our children than marriage burnout while we cling to parenting 24/7/365.

11. Going Outdoors Something about being outside seems to make humanity realize that the universe does not revolve around themselves. Being exposed to the elements is sometimes gentle and sometimes harsh but it’s all directly from the hand of God, unlike being inside our carefully controlled environments. The normal everyday frustrations of family life seem to pale a little when you leave the bills on the desk and the crumbs on the floor to go hiking in a cave or fishing in a pond. Laying in the back yard on fresh cut grass eating cookies, catching lightning bugs, building a fire, watching stars come out, listening for birds. . . appreciating the world God created, together, brings an awareness that God is in control and we are not. And that’s a good thing for a family to know.

[thebiffbuzz-blog]

SELF esteem.

SELF. Not his, ours, hers or their esteem. Mine. Myself. Me.

It took me a very long time to realize that my self esteem was low because I was caring too much about what the he’s and she’s and they’s thought about me.

I work with children. I see a lot of different kids from different home lives who act differently in different ways and now that I’ve seen this for so long I truly believe we gather our habits with self love and confidence from childhood. 

LET THAT SHIT GO.

So your parents worked all the time and didn’t hype you up. You weren’t the cool kid. You might have had a mullet or a bowl cut at some point in your life. OKAY. You don’t need a babysitter anymore and nobody’s schedule is more important than that of those you choose SO, make your agenda about surrounding yourself with the things that bring out the best in you.

Listen to the music that makes you feel sexy. Wear the overall’s your friend found for you at a yard sale. Dance like a goof ball until you’re dripping sweat. BE A GOOFBALL. Dream. Post pictures because YOU like them. Be excited for that new movie you’ve been dying to watch. Geek out over that video game. Leave your heart on the basketball court, soccer field, track or in the stadium. Get the tattoo, or don’t. Eat a donut every morning. Drink your coffee with cream and sugar, or drink it black WHO CARES.

Self esteem, self love, self confidence. DO IT FOR YOURSELF.

Everyone who knows me, knows I love myself so much it comes off as cocky at times. I dress a little odd to the outside viewer but to ME, I dress fab. I wear my hair however I want. I don’t fit in to my friend group appearance wise. I wear a lot of black but my soul is turning into this shade of pretty pink. It’s like I finally figured out that when you love who you are regardless of what other people see, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

PSA: If you’re a serial murderer or creepy stalker I am not saying you should continue this behavior because you love what you are… seek help.

As for the rest of you, I know what you’re thinking. “It’s not that easy”

Except it is. IT IS EASY. You need a reminder of who you are? Ask yourself. You don’t  know who you are? ENJOY THE JOURNEY. Freak it all the way up.

EVERYONE is going to have bad days. I’m literally crying as I type this, trying to figure out why some of the things happening in my life are happening to me and what I did to deserve being overlooked by others so often BUT, after I’m done crying, I’m going to be just as fine as I was before I started. SO ARE YOU.

We need to stop treating tantrums as lifestyles. We all throw them. So does my five year old but that doesn’t mean she’s going to be sad she has a bedtime for the rest of her life. Maybe this doesn’t make sense to you, sometimes it doesn’t even make sense to me. (’: CREATE YOURSELF AS AN ART FORM YOU WOULD DISPLAY IN YOUR LIVING ROOM. If someone doesn’t like it ask yourself, what are they doing in my living room? That is all. You’re beautiful.

-A