#dont comment spoilers im still getting through the story im just getting some big feelings and thoughts out 🙏

[ravysu]

Sannin headcanons and thoughts

The last thing I would like to post for the sannin week. It is still 24.04 here! :D @sannin-central

This is long. Spoiler alert. Mostly Orochimaru, some Tsunade, a little of Jiraiya (because his story is pretty clear and spoken and idk what I can add). Also I recommend to read this meta about Orochimaru, it has influenced me a lot and has some good points. Sorry for any posible grammar mistakes. Also I really should put here a lot of references to the manga or anime but it was something that was piling up for a year and I'm soooooooo lazy. After all, those are just headcanons. Also: Im not excusing Oro's bad stuff here, Im trying to understand the reasons.

Ive already posted some hcs, here, here and here.

1. First if all, the chronology pic of sannin lifetime based on the info i found on naruto wiki and also some statements about wars from this post. It was tough considering what a mess naruto’s chronology is.

2. Sannin story shows what it cost to be a legend. They're like Team 7 but more realistic. Tsunade literally carried the war but left with nothing and developed a ptsd and have problems to just live on. Also anger control issues. I think she can be pretty bossy and stubborn which is not always nice. Jiraiya is the hero of the day but also very idealistic and can ignore some important details in the real word whether its the fight (he always injured during flashbacks maybe because each time he took too much to handle and on the one hand it's heroistic but on the other is a mistake that can lead your team to situations like in that Iwa cave) or your friends issues (I bet he saw what's going on but thought it's fine until Oro actually got red handed and left). He lives in his world and may have problems to get out to see it through someone else's shoes. As for Orochimaru, it seems like he was a normal guy for 20+ years (I mean, he didn't do crazy criminal shit and had something good in him and it was stated somewhere that it was his teammates influence. It is obvious they considered him as a friend, I don't thinks it was for nothing) but we mostly know his darkest side. Despite being a moster he is a human that have empathy and some ordinary human traits (man just decorates every bit of an environment he is in lol).

3. Tsunade was the leader of team Hiruzen.

4. Tsunade sometimes hit Jiraiya for some stupid things he did or said but never touches Orochimaru even if he did something same. Jiraiya complained about it once and almost got another hit.

5. Jiraiya had problematic parents that didn't care about him much and a lot of time he was wandering in the streets.

6. Judging by the look of Oro bangs and hair, he sometimes cut it off. A stress relief huh? And the fact that he doesn't do it now in Boruto..

7. It was shown that Tsunade and Orochimaru was acknowledged before they become a team. Maybe they did just before, or maybe some longer time before. I prefer the second option and hc that they met because both had no real friends - Orochimaru seemed weird and scary for everyone and Tsunade was Senju so everyone wanted to hang out with her but didn't really care. They weren't seen as what they were - people put the labels on them. But they didn't care about each other's labels and actually saw each other in true lights.

8. Tsunade knew it was an accident and it's not right but still she blamed Orochimaru for Nawaki's death for some time. It was something that seriously damaged their friendship and the team. Orochimaru was mad but also guilty, after all, he was responsible at least as a shinobi since Nawaki was under his watch. So he started to act cold and emotionless and was trying to distance himself from his teammates.

9. Jiraiya was in Ame while Dan died.

10. The whole his orphans mission was a bit irresponsible tbh. They already fought Hanzo and as he stated the conflict between Konoha and Ame is going to an end with Konoha's win. It's weird to stay here for three years in the middle of the war while there were other lands to fight. He left his teammates for some idea. Maybe that caused another crack in their team friendship.

11. If Tsunade would have find a way to live on with her trauma and follow the will of fire and stuff it would affect Orochimaru as well just as her grief affected him. It's like he would get an example that you can live on with this pain. So death isn't above human capability and we are not just the slaves of mortality (sounds stupid but i dont know how else to describe sorry). But as we know what he actually saw is that it broke her crucially to the point she couldnt be herself again. And so the death is above everything.

12. Oro wasn’t just acting as a cold pragmatic bitch in that cave but also tried to save Tsunade. Jiraiya knew it and that’s why he showed this sign to him like "I see what youre doing here" and that stunned Oro because he would prefer to look rather like a cold pragmatic bitch hehe

13. Just a thought. People in the village probably treated Oro as a foreigner or just wouldnt accept him because he looked so differently and had a weird attitude. That's why he sometimes didn't feel that Konoha is his home. After the wars where people were treated as means and tools, even the children, he himself developed this view on people - he dehumanized them and used as the means to his goals, just as his village did. Funny thing some people were straightly dehumanizing him too like Ibiki thought that he was a demon (tho he was a child). And he probably weren't the only one. Anyways the point is that it's logical that Orochimaru don't care about anybody but some few people, he's the product of his era. He's like Naruto that would chose the hatred way. But naruto had some good and understanding people around him and.. Orochimaru had them too, but match how Iruka treated Naruto and this Hiruzen's "I sAw tHe mAliCe in This cHiLd fRoM tHe BegGinNinG". And oro didn't even have a big ass evil fox in him. sry i hate hiruzen

ANYWAYS the moral of the story is not "go criminal if they hurt you" but always treat people like people. Waving my hand to Kant.

14. The reason why Orochimaru didn't pick some good morals to stick with through the hard times no matter what (like, idk, Jiraiya or Naruto) is because 1) I think he is/was pretty depending on people around him 2) the war fucked him and his friends up too much (Nawaki incident + Tsunade) 3) twisted addictions (though I don't think he's that sadistic, we never saw him torturing randoms just for fun, it was always some science experimental shit. He tends to get fun out of cruelty only when it's personal) that maybe developed as a way to sublimate anger and sadness caused by his parents loss (that's what they share with sasuke - unlicke naruto, they knew their parents and it's other kind of pain. Sasuke developed a revenge issue and Orochimaru - cruelty pleasure which... is kinda the same but less epic and more occasional lol).

15. Speaking of that, Orochimaru cared for Sasuke because he saw himself in him.

16. Oro hold grudges against Hiruzen for not choosing him to be Hokage not only because he was ambitious and/or egoistic, but also because Hiruzen was some kind of a father figure for him and his approval was important tho i doubt he was aware of that. He also probably could tell that Hiruzen was suspicios about him when he was a child and that led to many conflicts and was hurting as well.

17. Tsunade knew things weren't pretty with Orochimaru after the wars but she never expected them to be this bad. During the week that she was given in her arc she thought not only about how much she wants to see Nawaki and Dan again despite how wrong would it be but also was trying to bury all the good memories she had left of Orochimaru so it would be easier to kill him.

18. She poisoned Jiraiya exactly because she knew he would not let her do it. Jiraiya was always hesitant to kill and inclined to forgiveness, while Tsunade, as mentioned by Orochimaru, could be merciless (so much so that he was not surprised when Kabuto suggested that she wanted to use Jira for Edo Tensei).

19. That was one of her traits that scared Jiraiya and fascinated Orochimaru.

20. Remember how Oro grabbed Jiraiya's neck when the latter was trying to cover with hair jutsu? On the snake, in Tsnade's arc. Orochimaru could have easily kill Jiraiya by pulling the sword out of the mouth (arteries are right there) but he didn't. As well as he could kill Tsunade when she was still shaking - just aim for the neck or the heart. Instead, he just injured her lung and kicked her which is not a big deal for the kind of shinoby like her at all.. Also he helped Anko not accidentally kill herself but it would be way much profitable to let her do it. "Orochimaru has no feelings".

21. The reason he suddenly wanted to kill Tsunade instead of forcing her to heal his arms as it was planned (which is weird since it will not going to get him heals and he kinda said that he wouldn't want to kill her just minutes ago) is that not only she refused to help him (he thought he could work it out) but she also prefered the village over him (from his point of view). Out if everyone she was the closest to being able to understand him since the village caused her painful losses too but nevertheless she agreed to be on it's side.

22. He wasn't fighting her back in the end partly because he thought he deserved that. Somewhere deep inside hahah.

23. Tsunade got a fear to develop deep bonds so they probably weren't very close with Shizune (also the way she knocked her down in this hotel.. oh).

24. Orochimaru will be here when she'll die.

25. Orochimaru's eng dub to Tsunade: "I often wondered what it would be like to ring that pretty neck yours". No comments.

26. Orochimaru is either bi/pan or ace. Anything or nothing lmao

27. Hiruzen knew about at least some of the Oro’s illegal experiments and was okay just as he was okay with the Foundation all the time. Because it’s useful. Then he has discovered he went too far OR he knew everything and oro just became too inconvenient because of his methods. The way Orochimaru tells Sasuke about reasons they are well treated as the criminals is based on in his experience with Hiruzen.

28. As you may know the lyrics in Orochimaru’s music theme goes “don’t talk with the silence of the heart”. It was taken from one Indian song that also had lines like “don’t question life too much”, ”pain arose somewhere in the chest”, “don’t speak to the wounds of the heart”. Though I’m not sure 100% because I was translating it with some hindi dictionary with like zero knowledge of hindi

29. I like to think that this “silence of the heart” theme and the fact that he called his village a hidden sound village are somehow connected. The hidden sound is the possible explanation of all things waiting to be listened to but the truth is silent and you know it deep in your heart and it bothers you. The world is silent just like the life is meaningless but people can only hear. *Sigh* anyways

30. Orochimaru’s journey is the one about accepting death. When he saw Karin released her chains while was trying to get to Sasuke he understood that the death is a part of human’s strength.

Can’t wait to feel that everything I wrote is wrong or not enough or stupid and obvious lol. Anyways, it’s something that I wanted to share until I move to some other fandom.

[tomdiddlyumptious]

Tom Holland x zendaya cousin reader where she’s an actress and model /activist she meets Tom on set and reader and z talk about people forcing them to be in competition with each other and people saying z is better because she’s lighter ( colorism) and reader thinks Tom likes white blondes but nope (spoiler ) z Tom and reader start hanging out besides being on set Tom and reader get close they go out to a party and reader and Tom hookup smut (like rough👀)

OOP-

Warnings: SMUT- It wasn’t soft ik that, zaddy kink just for a bit, speaking Spanish on accident because I know how to speak it, and uh crippled walking? Overstimulation, squirt and shit (DONT TAKE THE SHIT LITTERALLY) and language of course ✨

Summary: REEEEEEEEEE-

A/n: god my life is so tragic, and yes I love pink guy 🤺GET BACK🤺 GET BACK I SAY 🤺 this isn’t in bold or anything because I was working on this for toooo long honestly it was requested a while ago, sorry about that!

T.H| I Seen all your exes, I know what you like

You walked after zendaya into the set, your hair into a ponytail, edges laid, you recently got yourself a nose peircing (I just wanted to) you dressed in a large oversized white sweater and some black sweat pants, normal black air forces, you were tired because school was kicking your ass, like forereal.

“Hey Tom!” Zendaya smiled, walking faster to him and hugging him tightly. “Hey z” he smiles back, squeezing her a bit. “This is my uh, cousin, y/n” Zendaya smiled at you and you yawned again, covering your mouth but waving at him, which he gave a tight lipped smile and let out a “hey, how are you” “tired. Bored. Emotionally numb. Mixed feelings, over caked up-“ “haha, I think he gets it” Zendaya cut you off with a wide smile. “Are you playing in the movie?” Tom asked, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t think so” you shrugged. “She’s the real life MJ, don’t mind her, but we are gonna like go now, bye-Tom!” She pulled your arm until you found her trailer.

“What’s up with you!” Zendaya asked as she put her hands on her hips, watching you sit down on her bed. “I HATE SCHOOOOOOL” you complained, throwing your head on her bed as you tried not to cry. “You aren’t crying right now, y/n please don’t” Zendaya rolled her eyes.

“They expect me to know this shit! I barely even know what 2+2 is!” You lifted your head as tears left your eyes, crying. “Y/n, what’s 2+2?” She asked. “Fourrrr” you whined, still crying. “It’s social distance, like cheat or something!” Zendaya said as she mentally started to cackle watching your cry, you sucked your tears up in an instant, acting like you were perfectly fine and took out your laptop...only to cry again.

“I HATE SCHOOOOOOOOLLLL, WHY OUT OF EVERYONE I HAVE TO DO ITTTTTT!” you slapped the computer, zendaya couldn’t take it, she laughed at you. “AND YOUR LAUGHINGGG, IM IN AN EMOTIONAL CRISIS RIGHT KNOW” she started cackling, gasping for air as tears ran down your face. “BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA” “ZENDAYAAAAAA-“ your voice cracked, coughing on your spit as she just kept laughing, she was on the floor now, holding her stomach.

As you let out a broken scream the door opened, revealing Tom worried, but his face turns confused. “Do I want to know?” He gently asked. “Get outttttt” you whined pointing at the door. Tom smiled and nodded his head, closing the door. You wiped your tears away, sniffling like a child as zendaya just watched, a grin plastered in her face. “Shut up zendaya- I’m hurt” you said petty, crossing your arms as she let out a ‘pffft’ and continued to laugh.

It was about 2 days later, you felt better with jacobs help, he can really do math.

You sat in the chair sighing as you looked at your phone. “Fucking Enews, I’m gonna kill them one day” zendaya groaned, plopping herself in the chair next to you. “What happened?” You asked, the only ones in the room, it was like a hangout spot or something, hard to explain use your imagination

“They like to put us against each other and it’s toxic” zendaya hands you the phone, showing you on tone left and her on the right and “zendaya vs y/n” you only cringe at it “they want people to vote?” You asked and she nodded, you voted for yourself and handed her back the phone. “Forget you” she rolled her eyes, “nope if anything I’m winning” you shrug laughing at her while she tries to snatch your phone.

“It’s only fair!” She said, grabbing your phone and somehow knowing your code, standing up and running with your phone “JUST DONT TYPE IN X!” You yell, chasing her. “Oh I’m typing in x” she whispered, now joining where everyone else was, it was to fast to tell who but you seen Tom, you ran past him and his screen showed a model, blond but you couldn’t see anything else. Your mind was racing as you went full on devil an crybaby running, once you chased her she threw herself on the couch, sighing and laying your phone on her stomach.

“Fuck you” you whispered and she laughed, you grabbed your phone and saw “you voted for me!” You gasped. “What! No I didn’t!” She said, immediately sitting up and raising her eyebrows at you, you showed her your phone, laughing in her face as you tried to do the dougie. “Oh so you wanna get competitive?” She asked, crossing her arms. “I mean I’m in the lead” you shrugged. “Whoever loses has to buy lunch!” Zendaya said, standing up and running past you back to where everyone else was, you followed her while she said “VOTE ZENDAYA!” you shouted your own name and told people to vote you and they didn’t understand until they all got a notification.

Everyone voted and you sat next to Tom, begging him to tell you who he chose. “No y/n I won’t tell you” he smiled. “Pleaseeee!” You clasped your hands together giving him the best puppy eyes you could, he glared at you and showed you his phone. “I give up” on the screen it showed “you haven’t even voted yet!” You said, about to tap your name until he pulled his phone back. “Nope”

The rally went on for hours, it went from zendaya to you, to you to zendaya, zendaya was in the lead by point two percent. “THOMAS VOTE!” Laura shouted. “Alright alright!” He said, he heasitantly tapped a name, he chose it on purpose of course and it was nice for him to be the last person to vote.

Everyone’s phoned dinged by Enews. “ILL TELL EVERYONE!” Samuel shouted, everyone sat in seats watched him, phones turned off. This was absolutely giant for you and zendaya, this was a playful competition so don’t worry about putting each other down.

“The person who won is.....” he added suspense on everyone, aching for the answer already. He sighed and cleared his throat, then swallowed.

....

.....

Almost there!

.......it’s

Oop-

“The winner is y/n!” Everyone who voted for you cheered while everyone who voted for zendaya booed. You and zendaya both laughed together, giving each other a hug. “You owe me pizza” she only shrugged and agreed. “Wait...who did Tom vote?” Jacob asked, everyone now eyeing him, his eyes went wide. “You’ll never know” he only said. “Tell us! The game is over!” “Tell us!” Was chanted as his face started to turn a bit red. “ALRIGHT! I VOTED-“

who did he vote? Idk

Oof

This is a long ass story

Not anywhere near finished yet so stick with me here

I LOVE YOU KRITI

“Y/N” everyone cheered and congratulated you, zendaya asking if you wanted to go get the pizza now, you agreed and asked anyone else if they wanted to go, Jacob and Tom said yeah and you all went, you ordered a noarmal pizza and bought zendaya one to, you really didn’t want to take her money, Tom scrolled through the comments of the Enews post and saw how many people actually didn’t like you which is absolute bullshit, comments about your skin and how you act, his blood was slightly boiling, it isn’t right because they don’t even know you, who gives them the right to talk shit about you?

As the days passed you and Thomas hung out a lot, went to dinner a couple times whiteout anyone else, then had lunch, went shopping, you guys just did a lot of shit together which was cute, you guys got matching socks, shirts, jeans, hair clips and hats, calling your selves idiots and thing number one and number two, you, Tom, daya, haz, and Harry went mountain climbing and that was the worst thing you’ve ever done in your life, you held toms hand so tight, wore a parachute just in case you see a bear and need to jump off, you were just all over the place.

“Do you wanna go to a party with me?” Tom asked in his dressing room, watching you eat your Cheerios with extra sugar as you raise a single eyebrow at him “depends “ you shrugged, setting down the bowl as you laid on his bed. “I think it’s like a house party, one of my friends asked to come, I don’t know” he shrugged and sat down at the end of the bed looking at you. “Then alright yeah, I have nothing else to do tonight” he smiles and lays down infront of you and you put your hand on his waist listening to his small breathes.

It was the day of the party and you weren’t so big on it. You dressed in some baggy jeans and a long sleeeve with a slicked back ponytail and some vans, your hair in a slicked in a ponytail and some long eyelashes with lip gloss, you said you’d meet him there because it took you hours If someone was waiting on you, strange but also very true.

You sighed and rolled your eyes with your hands on the steering wheels, trying to find a parking space but it was packed. “Why does this man have so many freinds? ISNT this only a house party?” You muttered, finally finding a parking spot, pretty close. Tom had called you and told you he was waiting at the door when you had just parked, he knew what your car looked like so when he found it he smiled and it made him slightly over excited.

“Hey babe” he smiled and you returned with “hey love” you both exchanged with tight hugs and he took your hand and pulled you in, the first thing that met your nose was sweat and achol. You silently cringed as Tom tried to contain his laughs, pulling you to the kitchen and to the counter, you could barely jump so he helped you up. “Hungry?” He asked. “Any waffles?!” You said and he chuckled, walking over to the fridge and opening the freezer as his smile got brighter, he took the package and threw it at you, which you catches and bit your lip.

The music boomed through the walls, he got you both a beer and ended up burning the waffles “Y/N!” “IM SORRY!” He quickly shut it, going over to the sink and opening the window, the breeze string so he sighed in relief and walked over to you giving you a strong high-five making you hiss “sorry!” He adorably said with made you smile at him, you both made your way upstairs, grabbing a couple beer bottles on the way.

“So” he said, looking at his bottle. “So?” You asked looking at him confused. “How’ve ya been?” He asked, achol in both of your systems as you shrugged. “Happy with you here” “that’s cute y/n” he laughed, setting down the bottle and looking at you. “So are you like not bored?” “We can like watch something?” “Like what?” “The backyardagains?” He looked at you confused, “a child’s show?” “Hey it’s more interesting then alone or whatever you like to watch” “why don’t we like watch porn hub or something?” “That’s wierder then what I said, but I mean..-“ “backyardagains it is” he put his lips in a tight manner, he tried to find the remote on the night stand but it was on your side, luckily there was on demand so you didn’t have to pay for anything.

you both watched the show, him smiling at laughing at you as you mocked the words. “You must had watched this a million times to know what their saying” he chuckled. “Hey don’t judge me, beer?” You asked grabbing one, when he said yeah you added another and handed it to him. You guys got closer, his hand on your waist while you head was on your chest, which shifted to his hand on your ass when you were all the way on top of him, platonically, but when you both looked at each other he pulled in and kissed you roughly, you batted your eyes at him and sat up, setting your beer aside as he did the same, he took his hand and put it on your neck, tugging you down to kiss him.

You slowly rocking your hips on his member feeling it grow as he let out distant groans, his hand stayed comfterbly on your neck, not squeezing to tight but just right. “Do you wanna?” He asked against your lips and you only nodded. “Say it” he said, rubbing his nose against yours. “I want to” “you want to what baby girl?” “I want to have sex with you” “you can be naughtier than that” he bit your bottom lip, pulling it back with him and letting it go, making eye contact with you.

“I want you to fuck me tommy” you kept your hips moving as he let out a hoarse chuckle “that’s my good girl” he squeezed your throat and you whimpered, he released your neck and made his way down your stomach to the button of your pants, his other hand made its way to your cheek, taking it slow and taking everything in as his small lips were against your plump ones, he undid your pants and they were looser then before, so he climbed down and found-

“Lace?” He whispered against your lips, “thong? Naughty girl” your stomach reeked with butterflies as a pool was comfterbly inbeteeen your legs, he pulled the material back and let it go your back arching as you let out a “shit”. You could feel his hard on against you as you were eager to take off your clothes and just give it all to him. He finally came to where you wanted him, he swirled your pearl before digging in your wetness and pumping it “Tommy” you whimpered, bucking your hips into his hand. “Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you” he licked your bottom lip before having it enter your mouth, you basically fucked his hand as he lowered down, finding you sweet spot instantly which only instensed the pleasure. You put your head in his shoulder as you pulled down the rest of your pants, lifting each leg to get them off.

He took his hand out of you which made you whine but he shushed you and made you sit up, looking at the white thong and how it squeezed your skin, he lifted the long sleeve, up and over you head to find you not wearing a bra. “Fucking hell y/n, your so perfect” he smiled, taking a boob in his hand while you lifted your hips to work on his pants,he bucked his hips up slightly so you could pull them down, and it stood, you bit your lip and you looked down and seen the outline of his thick member, seeing a small spot of precum leaking through his underwear. “You gonna stare?” He chuckled, you let out a sorry and pulled down the boxers revealing his member, it sprung up to his lower stomach and you bit your lip, he was above average by like two inches but he was also so...large.

“It’s pretty Tommy” you complement which leaves him smiling. “I’ll be prettier once it’s in you” he knew you were just pooling by his words, you both didn’t want to waste anytime so he pulled the thong to the side, sliding his finger through your heat leaving your hips stuttering slightly, “you ready?” You nodded at him and let out a yeah, he took his member and pumped himself a few times before entering you with a groan.

“Fuck y/n your so tight” you softly came down on him, you being on top and holding onto the head board for support as you lifted your hips and ripped them again “mmmm” you moaned, your head tilting back as he watched comfterbly, seeing you in control. You went faster the bed making noise as whimpers left your lips, his hand came up to your waist and held tight, biting his lip as he watched your boobs bounce infront of his face (ew sex 🤢 don’t know her)

He groaned and let out a fuck, moaning at his name as he sat up, looking up at your face and how your beautiful moans leave your lips. “You like that y/n, you like riding me?” He asked, slightly breathing heavy, he messed with the hem on your thong before taking both of his hands to rip it off. “Mhm, you owe me a thong” he sucked hickeys on the pad of your skin, or where ever he could. You rolled your hips, tired of bouncing as your breath was heavy, making eye contact with his darken, lust filled eyes, he didn’t heasitate to kiss your lips, shoving his tongue in your mouth and fighting for dominance, which of course he won, his hands came down to open your legs, fucking himself into you as you whined. “Fuck baby” he groaned when your hands were on his shoulders, clawing them as he hisses in pain but also in pleasure, his hands are tight on your legs which felt so good to you, hearing the clapping noises as you bucked your hips.

“Tommy you feel so good” you moaned, “yeah? My cock wrapped around your tight little pussy, so warm and wet for who?” “For you” your head tilted back, opening your legs more as you begged for more, which he gave to you, he flipped you both over making him on top, he went as fast as he could, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as you choked on your moans “t-Tommy!” “You like that baby?” He asked. “Like it when I fuck into your tight pussy, where you can barely speak, when I bust you fucking open?” “Please please please”

“Please what? Be a good girl and take daddies dick yeah?” When you bucked your hips he laid a slap on your ass, your back arching as you cried and open your legs as open as possible, your chest pressed up against his, he used the head board to pound harder into you, groaning as each thrust, yours moans where high pitched “I’m gonna-“ you swallowed. “Cum? Hold it for me, I’ll tell you when you get it to cum” “your in so deep I don’t know-“ “just try’n hold it” he felt his climax building up. “Please tom can I cum?” You let out a rough high pitched moan, really putting your throat in it, he smiled and moaned at your face, then looked down and seen the way he pounded into you so freely, his cock glistening with your wetness, he took his hand and rubbing your clit messy. “To much Tommy!” You basically screamed.

“Take it for me” your back came off the mattress as your face scrunched, you cum blasting right out of you. “joder joder joder joder, papi me haces correr tan fuerte, dios me haces sentir tan bien! joder papi si, papi si papi si papi si!” You cried, which instantly made him cum right after you. “Fuckkkk” he rode it out, his hand still on your clit, your chest stuttered as your hand went to his wrist latching onto it as he keep swirling around your clit, eager to make you cum again. You were so dazed you couldn’t think straight the pleasure over powering you as you were sure you just peed yourself, “Thomas!” You shrieked

He pulled out. “I could do that all day” he muttered, rolling over to the other side as you both panted, he looked over at you and noticed how you weren’t speaking, “what’s up?” You looked over at him and replied with “I don’t think I’ll be able to walk” he laughed and the door soon opened. “Party is fücking over” his friend said, looking at both of you while your bodies were fully naked, he didn’t care he just wanted you both out, the theme song of the backyardagains playing as he shut the door which left you both laughing, he secretly kept the ripped thong and put it in his pocket of his jeans.

“You spoke Spanish to me, y/n” he laughed as you shook your head no. “Stop that’s so embarasinggg!” You groan and cover your ears. “You called me daddy, I don’t know the rest” “I probably did speak Spanish to you, but I didn’t call you daddy, I couldn’t have” “oh no you called me daddy alright, it was fucking gorgeous, I couldn’t help but cum” “shut up!” You both were walking down the street... well you crippled as he held your hand drinking a slurpii that you got form 711. “How will zendaya feel?” He asked you and you shrugged. “I will tell her soon” “and how you spoke fluent Spanish to me? I bet no one has ever fucked you that good huh?” “THOMAS!”

[jazajas]

okay so i finished love, victor a while ago and i saw some other reviews and thoughts about it here so now i've got a pretty good list on my thoughts and feelings.

tl;dr: it has some issues, yes, but im gonna hold out and hope it gets better later on because the same thing happened with the first few eps, i wasn't that into it but then it got good, and nothing is ever great with the first season, because at that point we're getting used to those characters.

⚠️caution: spoilers ahead (im on mobile, i cant get an under-the-cut)⚠️

1. while a leah on the offbeat movie would have been amazing movie sequel (even tho i havent read the book yet, im just here for the wlw content) i am kind of glad we got this instead. mostly because I've seen book series where one movie was good, so they decide to do the rest, turn out bad (hunger games? divergent? percy jackson? the hobbit?) because so much was cut from the book-to-first movie writing, that other scenes wouldn't make sense to future movies if they had those in while cutting others. however, i am sad that i didn't get to make the choice of deciding whether what was cut was wrong etc. about future movies, but i'll take what i can get.

2. LGBTQ+ POC as a lead! that's amazing! as a ace/bi lantina that's close to home (it also is great that victor's from texas and so is ya gorl) and even then it's a mixed latinx family! i think pilar mentioned that at least the grandmother left Colombia and i saw the Puerto Rican flag in victor's room. also the salazar's are definitely from small town texas, even without knowing the name. (church barbeques, the use of the words "such a diverse city" in regards to atlanta)

3. a lack of actual lgbtq+ main storylines (so far) is kind of sad for a show like this. i was getting serious bi/pan vibes (as a lot of other people) from victor from the beginning, and when it was implied that victor was actually gay (while great, not shaming) as it has been brought to my attention, there was a lot of looking at a lot of straight relationship problems (please let us know more about benji)- edit 6/18: upon further consideration, it very much is a show about questioning your sexuality, I'm speaking about the other straight relationship issues, not mia and Victor's, its just the first season.

4. let us talk about cheating for a sec. never okay, in any circumstance. i feel sorry for mia that she saw victor making out with benji and the fact that he was doing any of that in the first place. victor made a choice to lie about the espresso machine and then kissed benji at the hotel and then when benji was fighting with derek, basically confessed his love and mistakes, then proceeded to makeout with benji after he broke up with derek, he built that grave and now he must lie in it. i get having feelings for a guy when you are in a relationship with a girl, and not accepting yourself enough to end that relationship but you really want it to work so you can be "normal". really, he should have told mia after he got back from the trip tho. i get being in highschool and doing stupid stuff and making dumb decisions, but for a show aimed at teens i think we should also remind said teens to make good choices even if we have to lose some realism within the character choices.

4. pilar and her decisions based off her brother pissed me off. because i honestly think that if she'd kept her mouth shut about what she knew or confronted victor about it in the first place we could have avoided a LOT of mess. did she not learn from snooping around her mother's business about her relationships that going behind a person's back doesnt end well? i did, however, like the pilar/felix friendship and was really kind of hoping that they'd get together during their coffee hangout (although now im glad that didn't happen) because they had a deeper understanding of each other. same with wendy/felix, although they do seem to much alike to work out in the long run but i still feel bad for wendy.

5. i don't know how i feel about lake and andrew, as people separate from each other. both seem to be the way they are from their upbringing (not confirmed why andrew is such an ass, but if his comment about his dad is anything to go by i bet it's got something to do with attention) but andrew seems to be less, idk, superficial? like he turned down mia because he didn't want to be a rebound, he didn't out victor, he actually stood up to early teasing the other dudes in the lockerroom were doing at victor (with teasing of his own obviously but that interaction had him on my nice list until much later). lake? lake. i honestly don't have an opinion of her? not really. i mean after hanging out with pilar i was hoping felix wouldn't go back to lake. is her name laken? i feel like her full name is laken. but they also played the "im only like this because my mom is really superficial about stuff and i do like the geeky nice guy but appearances" to "actually screw the norms im gonna makeout with him infront of the whole student body". i honestly thought she was gonna be bi because she kept hitting on mia when she was helping set up for her "date" and "big night" and there was one point where i saw her face fall at something mia said in relation to her and idk i was hoping she'd be bi (i figured early on that victor/mia wasnt gonna work and was like "oh mia/lake would be cute" but now idk.

6. okay on to the "big night", i have one word. NO. i didn't like the peer pressure into having sex. i agreed with felix when he said "your body your choice" but im also disappointed that victor made out with mia and when lake was talking to felix after victor left he didn't try to stand up for victor.

7. on to age gaps because i hadn't really thought of this at first. we'll start with benji/derek: WHAT GRADE IS BENJI?! because that determines my thoughts. if he's a sophomore that meant that he and Derek started dating benji's freshman year and thats eugh, don't do that, don't care if its a gay couple that shouldn't be happening because the maturity of the two characters is DRASTICALLY different (this is also a reason i am not a fan of cmbyn) but that would explain why they were so rocky. hoping the event at the gay bar was open to anyone not just for drinking, but not liking that fact that not one of the adults with victor were like: hey, this is a 16 year old, that's kind of wack when that dude was hitting on victor. that made me question some stuff. although i figure it might be making up for the lack of a gay bar scene in love, simon. but even then, in svthsa it's a restaurant with a bar that some people go to just to drink at, it wasn't just a bar, simon could be there but should NOT have accepted drinks from college kids, not matter how attractive.

8. i loved how bram and simon and their friends helped victor out though. i like how bram was like: hey i know my friends are a lot so here's a gay basketball league becaue there's no one way to be gay. i like how Simon talked about needing help himself just to help victor and how he said his friends were cool with it because it's a community. i like of justin(?) mentioned how being what his parents wanted was putting on a mask and pretending, not him doing drag. my favorite lines from that ep are: "and before you ask my pronouns are they/them/theirs" "'they're all gay? even that guy? he's like [insert really tall number]' 'yeah. you should see him in heels'" "or in simon's case: really unathletic" "and also because bram said that if i wore [the jean jacket] one more time he'd burn it". also katya was there. and the group hug too!

9. the back hand homophobia in relation to family is sad, but realistic and i sincerely hope his parents are kind enough not to be too harsh on victor because of it. anything they say that isn't positive or supportive of victor is bad but i hope they realize that there is more to him than that and that they can come to terms with it because it's not always that hard to be a part of that community and super religious. i am biromantic and catholic. and while there are some things i wont agree on my mom with, i know that it's more of a strike against God for kicking out gay kids from families than it is to be gay, because those parents were given trust by GOD to love those kids no matter what, and be good parents. so in the end, the parents are wrong and harmful and in the case of christians against jesus's teachings to love everyone.

10. this is fan speculation but dont think simon/bram are going through a rough patch? i honestly think it'd be a little cruel to the characters to have on of their actors be producing but then not have that relationship stay. and while it's not set in stone and obviously things happen in the real world, we have no proof script wise about there being a rift. all we have are bad photoshopped ig photos and scenes where two characters are never standing next to each other probably beccaue schedules never link up correctly for minor characters. who knows, maybe nick robinson was filming for a movie where is does have an even more major role than victor's gay guru in a series about victor so his filming time was around that. im gonna keep hope that things are okay.

11. that being said: we need more mainstream wlw content, because someone said it earlier and it really does seem to be catering to straight girls. i'll admit i did freak out when benji played call me maybe which is something i associated with him and victor but then kissed a guy because who wouldn't? we get that serenade and sweetness and then it'a ripped from us. but i did mellow out. if i flipped later it was because victor was making dumb decisions and i had to give myself a moment of compsure before i continued.

in the end, i'd say that there is a lot of growth this series needs to go through, but i also know that some people just aren't going to like it and i get that. but i also know that sometimes the best of stories have rocky starts, nothing is ever perfect from the beginning. and besides, further seasons are on hold until we figure out this covid thing, which means that you bet they're gonna be looking at our feedback. they saw what we thought before, they can do it again

i really did like it but we need more ACTUAL lgbtq+ relationship stuff from this series and better decisions on what we are teaching the younger generations, as well as what we want to focus on and realism within characters. i'm giving it an 8/10, because there is always room for growth and i really hope we get better things out of this than what we have been given in season 2.

edit: someone mentioned it really seeming like it was meant for Disney+ and i felt that. also to anyone who reaches the tags agter reading ALL OF THIS: i am sorry

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 41

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34|| CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4.6k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE

- notes: hope the smut isnt too much lol! oh and, couldnt find the gif i wanted but this one will do. this chapter was fun to write and i dont think it was a filler chapter lol! only a few chapters left, im super nervous! at the same time, this story is getting less and less popular sooo idk, maybe its time? idk. if you read and comment and like and reblog, I LOVE YOU!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : posting them at the bottom because of spoilers!

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 41 : His chapter

NIALL

May 15th, 2018

I was so close to ask her to marry me when we were in Spain. I kept looking at her ring finger, imagining what the ring I had bought would look on her hand, and telling myself that now that we were official, anything was possible, and I wanted it. I wanted the impossible, I wanted everything. The words "marry me" almost escaped my lips exactly 11 times and even now, I was wondering how I actually stopped myself from just doing it.

We were back in California for a few days and I had convinced her to spend her time in my house instead to go back to hers. Most likely, Louis was there with Eleanor or he was spending all his time at her place. Either way, I thought we were better at my house but I knew that eventually, she'd want to see Louis and get back in her stuff anyway.

I woke up and blinked a few times as the sun peeked through the curtains but not enough to light the room. It was dark but I could see clearly and when I turned around, I realized she was laying on her back, completely naked, and the covers were only hiding one of he legs. She was still asleep, her hair messy around her head, and I couldn't help but reach for my cock as my eyes roamed on her. I got on my knees gently, making sure I wouldn't make the mattress move too much, and let one of my hands run on her breasts while I grabbed my dick with the other, stroking it slowly. I rubbed my thumb on one of her nipples until it got hard and finally, I let my fingertips brush down her body to reach between her legs, her skin so soft against mine. Slowly, I moved one of her knees before letting two of my fingers run on her slit. The more I was touching her, the harder I was getting and I moved closer to her on my knees just to rub the tip of my cock on her nipple.

"Jesus Christ." I whispered before she moved lightly in her sleep, letting out a low whimper.

I stopped moving and waited until she did too to continue touching her, my heart skipping a beat. The sensation was incredible and it made me want to rub my dick all over her body. I turned my body slightly and reached for her lips with my dick this time, feeling myself get even hornier when she licked her lips. It brushed on the tip of my cock and I let out a low groan as my eyes fluttered. I knew the whole thing was turning me on more than it should and all I could think about was getting between her legs and pushing my cock deep inside her.

Instead, I reached for her pussy again, rubbing one of my fingers gently on her clit as I felt her get wetter. Her body jerked a bit and she moaned low again before I let out an other curse word and slipped two fingers inside her, moving them in and out of her extremely slowly. I could hear how wet she was and I felt my cock throb in my hand. I was so turned on by her that I could barely believe I was doing that but she was so gorgeous, laying there completely naked in my white sheets, and the way she made me hard was just un-fucking-believable. I finally moved between her legs very slowly only to rub the tip of my dick on her clit. It slid easily due to how wet she was from me fingering her and this time, she let out a louder moan as one of her legs twitched. I jerked off harder between her legs as I pushed my thumb inside of her and rubbed her clit harder with one of my fingers until I was closer to an orgasm and without thinking, I took my hand away and pushed the tip of my cock inside her. Her walls pressed around it and I knew she was waking up. I took my cock out as I felt an orgasm reach me, cumming a bit inside of her before spurting on her pussy.

"Holy fuck."

I let out a moan as I watched her pussy get covered with my cum and when I looked up, her lips were parted and she was staring at me.

"Did you just cum all over me?" she asked in a low tone, her eyebrows raised.

"I.. did. I'm sorry."

Her eyes fell on my still hard cock as I shook it slightly and she bit her bottom lip before spreading her legs apart more and reaching for her pussy. I looked at her fingers gather some of my cum and slide it down until her clit. She let out a louder whimper as she started rubbing herself with the vestige of my orgasm and I couldn't help but let out an other curse word.

"You should have woken me up." she pointed, her voice a mix of a whimper and a whisper.

"I know petal but you looked so vulnerable and hot just laying there, naked and asleep." I admitted, my eyes never leaving her fingers as she flicked them on her clit. "Fuck, you love rubbing your clit with my sperm?"

I didn't know if it was my words or just the fact that she was touching herself but she let out an other moan and her back arched suddenly. I brought one of my hands closer and once again pushed two of my fingers inside her as she kept touching herself and squirming on the bed.

"I want to watch you cum, darling."

It only took her about half a minute before she started shaking and when my named escaped her lips, I could swear I got dizzy and my vision got blurred for a few seconds.

"Oh fuck, Niall!"

Something stirred in my stomach and I just stared at her as she came, grinding on my fingers and squirming even more. When she came down from her high and relaxed on the mattress, I took my fingers out and slowly lied down over her. Her eyes were still closed and her lips were still parted as she panted. I brushed my mouth against hers and she whimpered as I felt my whole body vibrate.

"You did so well, petal. That was so fucking hot."

She brought her hands to my head, slipping her fingers in my hair, before kissing me deeply. I tilted my head slightly, tasting her as she whimpered in my mouth. I swallowed her moans and when i pulled away to look in her eyes, she sighed low.

"I don't want to go to work today." she admitted, raising her nose up and making an amused smile appear on my lips.

"You have to."

"I could call in sick?" she asked, her eyebrows raised and her face full of hope.

I laughed and shook my head, making her groan immediately. "Nope, you have to go. I'll go with you, how's that?"

"Better than nothing I guess."

I chuckled and got up, searching through my stuff to find clean clothes and when I glanced at her, my lips curled again.

"Stop staring at me and get ready. I'll make coffee and we can leave." The alarm on her phone started ringing as soon as I finished my sentence and I raised my eyebrows. "See? You have to wake up. Take a shower, I'll wait for you in the kitchen."

I heard her groan and turned around when I heard a sound only to realize she had tried throwing a pillow at me but had failed miserably. I laughed and shook my head but turned back around and reached the kitchen.

We ate toasts quickly as we walked to the car and remained silent the whole ride until we were there. We should both have gotten out of the car, I knew it, but instead, we remained sitting there, looking in front of us, and I kept wondering how we should act together. We were never the type to show too much affection in public. It happened before with friends around, or family sometimes, but not when random strangers could see. This time, we were with a lot of strangers and I was wondering if I should hold her hand or not. Should I kiss her temple sometimes? Or just go straight for the mouth? I didn't know anymore and if I wanted to be frank, I had never asked myself that question in any other relationships before.

"Ready?"

"No."

I frowned and turned to her but it took her a few seconds to look back at me. She sighed and shrugged before shaking her head a bit.

"Things have been particularly awkward with Dylan even since Heidi posted all those lyrics about us on instagram." she admitted, closing her eyes tight for a few seconds before opening them again. "We're filming the season's finale today and, I don't know, I'm nervous I guess."

"Anything special about the final episode?"

She stared at me, her eyes roaming on my face, and her lips parted. "His character is breaking up with my character."

We looked at each other in silence and after a while, I reached for her hand on her thigh and squeezed her fingers tight. I knew why it made her feel like this and I knew it was not only because of her relationship with Dylan being awkward. This scene was our scene. It was that day I broke up with her and tore her heart in pieces. I held my breath, feeling suddenly extremely exposed. I had no really realized before how big this was. Of course, I knew her tv show was inspired by our story but it just hit me that people were actually watching it, and I was wondering how many of them now knew almost exactly what had happened between us?

"I'm here with you. It'll go amazingly, trust me." I pointed out, knowing it was not the right time to have a big discussion about her writing. "Remember in Italy? I almost believed you were breaking up with me to go marry your ex boyfriend."

She chuckled a bit. "You totally believed it."

"Maybe I did." I quickly replied. "But only for a few minutes, because I believe in us, I believe in our love, and I believe in you. So you go in there and play that scene and show them how incredible you are."

Her lips curled a bit and she rolled her eyes before finally nodding. I smiled more and we got out of the car to walk in. I thought I'd see Dylan first but when my eyes met Heidi's, I felt my heart jump up in my throat, almost throwing it up. I felt Olivia tense next to me and I held my breath when she saw us. She sent us a big smile but I could read so much pettiness behind it that it made me grimace.

"Hi!"

I glanced at Olivia who frowned and licked her lips. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh you didn't know?" Heidi replied, her eyebrows raised and her lips curled into a satisfied smile. "I'm with Dylan now."

As if on cue, he appeared and stood next to Heidi but I noticed his eyes never left my girlfriend and it bothered me more than I wanted to admit. Of course, I couldn't expect him to just forget about her, after all, he was ready to marry her, but at the same time I wanted him to move on as quickly as he could. If that was to be done with Heidi then be it : i was ready to put up with her on the set.

"I hope it doesn't bother you too much." Heidi added, tilting her head and looking at Liv who sent her a smile back.

Dylan and I were just keeping quiet, not really sure what we were supposed to say or do, and I pushed both my hands in my pockets.

"Oh no, not at all. It's all good." Olivia replied with a shrug. "I mean, it's not the first time you run after one of my exes, you know? Oh! Maybe I could make you a list of all the men and women I dated? Would save you some time."

I almost choked on my own spit, not really expecting that reply. I knew what kind of person my girlfriend was but she had always played it low with Heidi because she knew it was not worth it. It seemed like this time, she had had enough.

I thought Heidi would answer something rude but instead, her facial expression changed into a surprised one and finally, her eyes got smaller. She was pissed, I knew it, but she'd never prove it to Olivia. She found her smile back and breathed in, wrapping her arm around Dylan's and looking up at him.

"Can you show me the set?"

He nodded and they left but he glanced back at us when he was farther and I finally sighed, turning to my girlfriend who was smiling. I thought she'd be a bit mad, or upset that her ex boyfriend was now with my ex girlfriend, but she didn't seem to care... until her smile fell down and she closed her eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong suddenly?" I asked with a frown, taking a step closer and wrapping my fingers around her arm.

"I just realized Heidi was going to be there for the finale." she admitted, looking up at me. "She'll... see all of it. She'll see how it went... between... us."

It was the very first time Olivia admitted that her tv show was about us and I licked my lips, feeling something stir in my stomach. I didn't care that Heidi saw it, but I cared that the whole world would.

"You shouldn't care about her. She's with Dylan just to get to you or get back at us. She's here to piss you off and make you feel like shit. Don't let it get to you. Don't let her win."

She turned her whole body my way and her lips curled slightly into a fond smile. Slowly, she got on her tiptoe and pressed her lips gently against mine. It took me by surprise but I just answered her kiss and when she got back down on her feet, she tilted her head.

"Liv, can I ask you something?" I asked seriously, licking my lips as she nodded, her smile faltering a bit. "I know your tv show is based on our story but... for the next season, could you change that?"

I was scared to hurt her but at the same time, it was something I just needed to ask. If she said she didn't want to, I would accept it, but she knew my private life was a big deal for me and when she started nibbling on her bottom lip, I knew she felt guilty. I could read it on her face.

"I'm sorry, Niall. I never thought people would connect the show with our story but that was stupid of me. I mean, when I wrote that, I thought I'd never see you again, so I sort of wrote to... let it all out, you know?" she stopped and sighed. "Of course I'll make it different. I'll think of a whole other story for the characters, and make sure it has nothing in common with our story. Except maybe... well, the fact that they're soulmates."

I smiled and nodded, chuckling slightly. "I don't know if they are, but I know we are."

                                                 ----

I wandered around the studio while they were filming, and finally ended up at the cafeteria to grab a bite. I sat alone and started checking messages I got on my phone when I felt a presence in front of me and looked up. I was not surprised to see Heidi but I was not pleased either.

"Niall, we need to talk."

I blinked a few times and licked my lips, not really in the mood to discuss with her, but I finally just sighed and put my phone down as she sat down. I noticed she was holding a sheet in her hands and it made me frown. I didn't have time to ask her about it, she simply leaned against the table to move closer to me and instinctively, I moved my upper body away from hers.

"You know you could have just called me." she let out, confusing me and making me frown. "I know you miss me, and honestly I think we should get back together. I forgive you, I know you were a bit lost and..." she shook her head and I was even more puzzled. "It doesn't matter."

I shook my head, trying to get my thoughts back into place but I just licked my lips again. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

She put the sheet on the table and pushed it closer to me. It took me half a second to realize it was my handwriting and after reading only a few words, I knew it was which song of mine.

"Wait, where did you find that? I thought I lost it!"

The song was not finished but as my eyes roamed on the lyrics, I had a bunch of ideas on how to actually complete it and I held my breath.

"I found it in my boxes... the ones from your place that you've had sent to my place." she explained, reaching out to put her fingers on top of my hand.

I stopped moving completely and my eyes dropped to our hands. I felt frozen in place, a bit startled by her behavior and not really knowing how to react.

"What are you doing?" I just asked, my eyes still staring at her fingers brushing gently against my hand.

"You're right. We should get back together, Niall." she added. "I mean, I know you're trying to make me jealous with her but let's be real. Who could really be jealous of her?"

Quickly, I shook my head and pulled my hand away from hers, mad that she would talk shit about my girlfriend again. "Do you even listen to yourself? You know damn well I'm with Liv and.. aren't you with Dylan? I love her, okay! I'm not trying to make anyone jealous, I'm just trying to love her the way she deserves to be loved... the way I failed to love her the first time. And you have nothing to do with any of this. What even makes you think I want to be with you?" I was frowning, getting pissed at her behavior, and I started wondering why I ever wanted to be with her in first place.

"Because of that song! You wrote it for me and put it in one of my boxes for me to find!"

I rolled my eyes, angry that she could even think I wrote one song about her.

"I wrote this about Olivia! I wrote that in the first week I saw her again at the bakery after not seeing her for over a year. It isn't about you, Heidi. It got in one of your boxes by mistake!" I explained a bit rudely, looking in her eyes to make sure she understood. "I love Olivia, not you. You need to let it go, okay? And those instagram posts you make.. For fuck's sake, Heidi! What's the point? Make me feel bad? Alright, I'm sorry I cheated on you, I should have broken up with you before and that was a mistake, okay? Now please, leave me the fuck alone."

Without giving her time to answer, I got up and left her by herself at the table before hiding in Liv's dressing room. I searched for a pen, my heart racing as I feared I'd forget the words dancing around in my head, and finally found one before leaning against the counter. I started scribbling fast, almost dropping the pen a few times as I held my breath. I scratched the first line and quickly replaced it to 'Maybe we are the champagne lovers' and went to the chorus to add a few lines, too.

'So come on love me when the lights burn low Meet me underneath the sheets Cause you got a hold of me baby, enough to pull me back in deep You used to love me when the lights burned low Now we’re tearing at the seams We've both had enough of this, baby, so promise me that when you leave You won’t say you’ll come back to me.'

I stared at the words and re-read them a few times before licking my lips. I was still lost in my thoughts when the door opened and I jumped a little, turning to see my girlfriend walking in. I sent her a fond smile and moved up from the counter as she wrapped her arms around me. I held her close, the paper burning on my fingertips, and kissed the top of her head.

I couldn't stop thinking about the lyrics and remembered exactly how I felt when I wrote most of the song. I missed her and I missed what we had. I didn't like where we were and I couldn't believe she was marrying someone else. The parts about sheets I had added reminded me of when we would hide under the covers and we had done it quite often in the past few weeks, making the whole meaning even more powerful.

"How did it go?"

"Not bad for now." she admitted, moving away. "But I think we'll film the rest an other day. It took longer than it was supposed to."

"Good, then maybe Heidi won't be there when you film the final scene." I suggested, raising my eyebrows.

"Hopefully." she replied with a smile before frowning. "What's that?"

My traits softened and I brought the sheet up again to read the lyrics. "A song. For you."

"Can I hear it?" she asked making me look up. Her eyebrows were raised and she was biting her bottom lip. She was so endearing that I almost said yes.

"Soon, okay?. I need a piano for this one."

                                                       ----

May 19th, 2018

Olivia actually slept a good part of the day and I ended up at the pub with Julia, who was back to California too since her tour was over. I had an other first part for the other half of the tour and I knew I was going to miss her dearly. It was not like me to be super emotional, but with time, Julia easily became one of my closest friends and traveling with her had been a blast. I couldn't pretend that the fact that she listened to me complain about my love life didn't help us to become closer but it would be a lie.

"Where's your girlfriend today? I wanted to see her." I felt my lips curl more as I looked at her and she frowned. "What?"

"Oh no it's just... hearing someone else call her my 'girlfriend' is very cool." I pointed out with a chuckle, scratching the back of my head, feeling a bit embarrassed. I couldn't believe I had said that.

"That's what she is now, right?" Julia asked with a small laugh. "That's what you've wanted for months. You've been complaining about it every single day!"

"What? Come on, don't exaggerate." I argued, raising my nose up.

"I'm not!" she laughed again before getting a bit more serious. "I'm very happy for you, Niall. Now it's time to move forward, you know?"

"Meaning?" I raised my eyebrows after taking a long sip of beer.

"Meaning... plan the future and don't fuck up."

I stared at her and nodded with a small smile. I knew she was right, and she was not the only one who told me to not fuck it all up this time. I really didn't intend to, and I knew I wouldn't. I had lost Olivia before, and I had learned from that. I was not going to lose her again.

I was a bit tipsy when I got back home but she didn't even notice me. I stared at her, wearing only one of my t-shirts and a pair of black panties, standing in front of the tv in the living room as old songs from the 90's played full volume in the background. I was pretty sure I recognized a Backstreet Boys song ending and just as I thought it couldn't be funnier, a Spice Girls song followed and she started dancing and singing very loudly. I started laughing but she didn't hear me because of how loud the music was and it made me happy to know I could watch her a few more minutes. She jumped on the couch and pretended to have a microphone as she sang the lyrics and tried to do the dance and when she just started dancing around my living room, I took a few steps closer and she jumped, putting one of her hands on her chest as if it would help slow down the beatings of her heart.

"Fuck, you scared me!" she let out with a chuckle after pausing the music.

I didn't say anything. I just stared at her with a fond smile, thinking of everything we went through and how much I loved her.

"Move in." I let out as she was taking a sip of wine.

She frowned and chuckled again. "What?"

"Move in with me. Here."

Her lips parted and her eyebrows raised before she let out the air from her lungs quickly from her mouth in a surprised way. She licked her lips and cleared her throat before putting her glass back on the coffee table and taking a step closer.

"Are you... sure you can handle that?"

I knew she was referring to the fact that we were different, but it didn't matter. Yea, she was messy and yea it was annoying, but it was such a small problem and I knew we could compromise. In fact, I knew we'd both be way happier if we lived together and I wanted it. I wanted it so bad I could feel it in my bones.

"Yes." I let out in a low tone. "I want your grumpy face in the morning. I want your way too sweet morning coffee... I-I want your mess all over my fucking house, Olivia. I want to smell you when I step foot here after a long work day. I want to start a life with you. I want you to have your own dressers, not just a few drawers in mine. I want to share everything I have with you. I want to share myself with you."

She pressed her lips together and swallowed and I could swear she was tearing up.

"I want all that, too." she admitted, tilting her head. "I want to spend my life with you, Niall."

My lips curled in a big smile. "Then let's take that step. Move in with me."

It took her about a minute but she finally just chuckled and shook her head. "Okay. Let's do this."

REQUESTS

(i changed the first one just a little bit hope its ok!)

[keeve-trenniis]

Some thoughts on 15x18 bc I'm somewhat upset

So we all knew what was going to happen in that episode. We've know for a while the Cas was going to die and I've been trying to get over that fact for a while. I stayed off social media until I could watch it so that I could avoid the spoilers but even that couldnt stop me from finding out about destiel trending on twitter and here on tumblr. That made me scared. That made me really scared bc I wanted Cas's death to be about Cas. Obviously I knew that he was going to sacrifice himself for the boys as Misha had requested it to happen like that but I still wanted it to be focused on just Cas.

Once I had watched the scene I was shocked by how, despite wanting to cry for him, I really did not cry as much as I thought I would. It wasn't until a little while after I had finished the episode that I realised it was because it was very much overshadowed by the 'deaths' of Charlie, Bobby, Donna and literally everyone else in the world except the boys. ( @inkbleeder has an excellent post on this so I won't go into it too much here), as well as the fear of how some members of the fandom would react to Cas's 'declaration of love' (which I stand by that we already knew Cas loved Dean (and Sam too(AND JACK)) because he has said as much in previous episodes).

I would like to clarify that what upset me isnt the shipping of destiel and the explosion of it on social media. I know that if this had happened with my otp, I would be excited too. This isn't a post about whether we should or shouldn't ship something. This is a post about the surge of hate from some shippers to those who do not ship it/not ship it as much. What upset me was that when tapping through instagram stories this morning I came across a story that blatantly called anyone who "still called their relationship platonic" homophobic and to stop hating Cas. I think it is quite justifiable for me to be upset at this for a number of reasons. 1) I absolutely do not hate Cas. He is one of my comfort characters and just because I do not ship him with Dean does not mean I hate him. 2) I am not homophobic just because I do not ship this one ship. I am tired of seeing people being attacked by being called homophobic bc they dont ship it. I am tired of people being attacked in general bc they dont ship it. There are other LGBTQ+ ships that I ship. I have friends in LGBTQ+ relationships. I myself am Pan/asexual. Even if I wasnt, I would not be homophobic for not shipping destiel. I just do not see a romantic relationship there.

The third thing that upset me was the "still called their relationship platonic" bit of the story. There is NOTHING WRONG with seeing something as platonic. This show has always been about helping people, making them feel happy with who they are and just generally helping people be happy. I do not deny there are issues with it (because there most certainly are) but the fact remains that this is a comfort show for a lot of people. Personally, I hold platonic relationships more highly than romantic relationships which is one of the reasons I feel so attached to the show and the 'family don't end with blood' line. For me, the show has never really been about romance which is why the "still called their relationship platonic" line upset me so much. I love the show and the characters yet I dont feel I can be completely part of the fandom because I cant look through any of the tags related to spn without encountering something about how destiel is the best and how everyone should ship it. I cant even block the destiel tag because people tag things I want to see (like cas screen caps that have nothing to do with dean) with destiel. This isnt really an issue I've encountered with other fandoms and sets the spn fandom apart from others for all the wrong reasons. I dont understand why I'm getting attacked because I prefer platonic relationships to a ship that caused some ridiculous hate and toxicity in this fandom.

Of course there are many other reasons why someone doesnt ship destiel and they are all valid. Unless the dislike of the ship is because of homophobia and anti LGBTQ+ views (which unfortunately is undoubtedly the case in some places) then I do not see why not shipping the ship is unacceptable. This does not happen in such a big way in other fandoms so why does it have to be the case in ours? We are suposed to be the spn family and yet some people cannot accept that their ship isnt the only ship in the fandom and that some people do not ship anything at all yet are still big fans of the show. I know that it is not all destiel shippers who are like this. I know people who do ship it and they are absolutely lovely and yet it is still a big enough problem that my fear on how some people would react to Cas's final scene completely overshadowed his actual death and it runied the scene for me.

If anyone thinks of anything else to add to this or if you think of a better way to word something then you are welcome to. Im even willing to have a polite debate in the comments but if anyone tries to tell me that I am homophobic for not shipping it again I will not hesitate to block you.

Excuse me while I go and rewatch the mandalorian bc my comfort show has made me feel terrible

[theropoda]

3, 4, 6-8, 11, 13-17, 19-22, 26-30 uwu

WOO LAD THAT’S A LOT THANK U!!! this got long and i wrote an essay or two LOL so im putting it under a readmore!

3: Best game you’ve ever played? WEEEELLLL.......let me preface this with two things: one, i am a FAKE GAMER as in my laptop is not at all made for gaming, it’s piss poor, so a big chunk of games i’m interested in is because i watched a playthrough of them lol. i have a 3ds but only 3 games on it (animal crossing new leaf, tomodachi life, nintedogs & cats). second, i’m very bad at choosing favorites of things.....BUUUUT .....i choooooose, in no particular order, OFF, pigeonetics, elder scrolls oblivion, pathologic classic HD!! i’m more than likely forgetting a few though, so sorry about that

4: Worst game you’ve ever played? as i said above, cannot choose favorites, neither can i choose whatever the opposite of favorites is but...uhh, does lif even count as a game? like lif, the stupid little furry flash game i remember playing on some shady website. it was surprisingly very active with a BUNCH of people there but i kept dying like every 5 seconds....AWFUL

6: A game that’s changed you the most? WELL define Changed.....ummm aha first thing that comes to mind is OFF. it’s one of those things where you never knew you wanted something so fucking bad until you saw it--and it’s like that for me. i NEVER knew i loved that odd, surreal, colorful, “looks playful and simple in some parts but incredibly violent and unnerving in other parts” aesthetic til i played it. like aesthetically i love that game to BITS and something about it just stuck with me til the end of time.

later in life (meaning, past year or so) it changed me because it taught me a lesson about storytelling and creative endeavors. a very useful lesson. which is: things don’t really need to have a meaning. stories, art, music, writing, whatnot, while it CAN be deep and meaningful, while you CAN use it as a way to communicate with the world about all kinds of heartfelt things, it can also be...nothing, really.

once i, as usual, got ridiculously overwhelmingly sad about small things. specifically seeing other people around me come up with all kinds of deep and meaningful characters and stories, sometimes putting them into webcomics or writings of theirs, and they were all so well-thought out and detailed and what i envied most was people put a lot of themselves and their experiences into them, venting and coping through them, whilst also making these larger-than-life grandiose complex stories and worlds and so on and so forth.

it made me look at my own ideas and get mad/frustrated at how shallow they were. but then i remembered OFF and i felt better because Fun Fact, mortis ghost has a now-abandoned dA account and if you go through the comment section on his profile, he answers a lot of fan questions and he mentions several times that the game didn’t really have a “meaning”, it didn’t really have a “deeper story” or moral or anything, really. i’m paraphrasing this but i vividly remember him saying “i wanted to make a game, so i did”.

that made me feel a lot better because it made me realise that sometimes art--especially stories, in my case-- doesn’t NEED to be DEEP or have MEANING...sometimes it can just BE!!!! sometimes it really can just be all about AESTHETICS like who GIVES a shit if there’s a hidden meaning if you take the first letter of all of your characters’ names and put them backwards, sometimes all that matters is if they just VIBE with you y’know....

yume nikki is similar in this regard bc that game doesn’t have any story other than “collect egg” and yet it’s so impactful. that game doesn’t have a story or meaning it just IS........ :) GOD THATS SO LONG IM SORRY ABOUT THAT but yeah. funny violent ghostbusting baseball man is a game that changed me :)

7: A game you’ll never forget? OFF AGAIN LOL,,, it’s just so memorable because of how unique it is. visuals, soundtrack, story, everything is so memorable. unforgettable. oh god you can tell how much i love this damn game can’t you

8: Best soundtrack? yakuza 0, OFF, there is a picture (another game by mortis ghost, again composed by alias conrad coldwood who also composed OFF), pigeonetics (the entire soundtrack of which is here), jojo’s bizarre adventure all star battle and eyes of heaven, silent hill 2 & 3, undertale....probably forgetting more but all of these...earcandy

11: Hardest game you’ve played? i am a shitty gamer so this is Most games i’ve played lol!! but uhh..well you see. hardest game i remember playing as of recent is pathologic classic hd in which it’s...not only hard to understand what any character is saying at any given time lol but also, i don’t think it’s HARD it’s just...you need to focus. you REALLY need to fucking focus and pay attention in this game. so i wouldn’t say its HARD, but i’m only putting this here bc it’s in recent memory.

i say recent memory because the true answer is susceptible to “yeah, but now you’re older, it must not be so hard.” as in if i played it now i think i’d have a way easier time. but when i was around....10-12 years old i had several ps3 video game adaptations of animated movies and i had SUCH a fucking hard time with them. g-force, bolt and up in particular were fucking HARD. like genuinely, the hardest time i had EVER had in my live playing video games is tied to these three fucking games. g-force and bolt ESPECIALLY. one particular level in bolt took both me AND my sister around a year to fucking finish.

again, i was baby, so i bet i’d have a much easier time with them now that i’m 17. but for now, in my experience, bolt and g-force for the ps3 were harder than pathologic classic. i think icepick lodge should take a few notes for them for pathologic 2.

13: A game you were the most excited for when it wasn’t released yet? STREETS OF KAMUROCHO...i spent the entire day of its release anticipating its launch lol

14: A game you think would be cool if it had voice acting? hmm..most games i like and know about do have voice acting so i dunno....i guess it would’ve been kind of cool if morrowind had like, full proper voice acting. but i can understand why it only voice acted things like greetings and battle insults because GOD that game is SO...complicated...and as a result, the conversations are so lengthy and text-full. playing morrowind is really like a goddamn book! if it was voice acted i’m sure all that information would have to be shortened bc i know no one is going to fucking voice act two whole paragraphs

15: Which two games do you think would make an awesome crossover? pigeonetics and yakuza in which instead of being about the criminal underworld it’s about shady and unethical pigeon clubs, breeding, racing, etc etc...a lot of illegal shit does happen in the world of pigeons especially when it comes to racing; prized racers have been kidnapped and held for ransom before. and then there’s Avian Cucking: The Sport, where people breed the sexiest pigeons (horseman thief pouters), release them outside to seduce other people’s sexy pigeons, and bring them back and keep ‘em, drama ensues. will kiryu ever escape his past as a professional pigeon-napper, and find solace in his new life as a pigeon hobbyist? find out now by playing YACOOZA......

JOKES ASIDES i don’t know i really don’t....umm, pigeonetics and animal crossing somehow?? :O... like, instead of managing your own town it’s managing your own loft!...orrrr, the jojo games (all star battle & eyes of heaven) with yakuza, because i think they’re somewhat similar because they’re both haha Wacky Silly AND serious over the top fighty-fighting.....or maybe a crossover with OFF and discover my body, which, despite being an incredibly short and obscure indie game i still love to bits for what it’s worth. WAIT ANIMAL CROSSING AND MINECRAFT THAT WOULD FUCK SO HARD OH MY GOD

16: Character you’ve hated most? From what game? i can’t think of any character i like, HATE...with a burning passion.. there are a few i dislike or have a complicated relationship with though.. i’m not interested in the series anymore but ouma from drv3...i’ll admit that he is a bit fun sometimes, especially in the very early beginning he’s a likeable brat but as the game progresses he becomes more irritating than anything and i have an issue with him in regards to writing, despite the fact that i have never been awake in any english class ever lol. it’s too long to put in this already long post but i’ll keep it at that. if you like him, well, good for you for finding joy in something i couldn’t! but he just doesn’t do it for me.

AH I JUST REMEMBERED....MINE......FROM YAKUZA 3....maybe i’d change my mind if i watched a playthrough of y3 again, because i think you always absorb something better on your second watch (tho i honestly Dont have the energy to do that all over again, the yakuza games are too fucking long), but i really hate his writing. spoilers for y3 but, i think mine’s writing, alongside other things in the game, were super messy...and a big part of why i hate him is that not only is he one of those “could’ve had great potential but fell flat” sorta guys but also his love for daigo is seen as some fans as good gay rep and i?????/.............um....WELL let’s just say that, i think people nowadays will see any gay character ever in any circumstance and say it’s good gay rep just based off the fact that A Gay Character exists....he was Not, good gay rep imo....he was not, let alone, Good. .........

17: What game do you never tell people you play? can’t think of any games i wouldn’t tell people i play.. idk exactly what this question’s asking. does it mean what game you don’t tell ppl you play bc you’re embarrassed about it...? i’m not very embarrassed by any of them. the only thing that comes close, i guess, is uhh lioden and wolvden. i’ve only interacted with those communities a LITTLE TINY WEE BIT, yet of what i’ve seen it’s a goddamn dumpster fire and i’d never want to be associated with them lol

19: Which game do you think deserves a revival? i’m well aware it’ll never happen and that it’s more a wet dream than anything but...PT/silent hills..... on a more realistic/”could happen” note, PIGEONETICS!!!! SERIOUSLY, it’s an amazing game about amazing animals and it teaches genetics in a very simplified and efficient way!! genetics is SO hard for me to understand, i fucking hated studying it but this game really helped me understand how it works AND its super engaging and interesting!! HOWEVER, of all the pigeon genes we know of, only a handful were seen in pigeonetics and i’d LOVE a sequel that employs new game mechanics AND new genes!! i wanna learn about bronze and stencil genes! i wanna learn about phenotypes like grizzled and pied!!! genes like sooty and dirty!!! @ UNIVERSITY OF UTAH GENETICS DEPARTMENT PLEASE IM BEGIGNG YOU

20: What was the first video game you ever played? earliest memories of Gaming involves me at my aunt’s house playing two games: super mario brothers and some kind of trapeze game. i don’t remember anything else though

21: How old were you when you first played a video game? i can’t remember but i must’ve been REAL tiny.... 6-9 years, maybe??

22: If you could immerse yourself in any game for one day, which game would it be? What would you do? immerse myself meaning go into their world...? huh....on one hand i’d like to go in the world of yakuza 0 to play in the arcades and do whore related activities but i’d also love to go into the world of animal crossing (and i’m pretty sure i’d be some sort of generic dromaeosaurid in that game!!) and shop, chat with villagers, do chores for them, go fishing, bug hunting, eat delicious fucking food like the apples mangos peaches cherries etc etc.....OH AND FOSSIL HUNTING THAT’S THE BEST PART!! though it would definetly be a little weird, to be a little dinosaur and finding a fossil of a...little dinosaur....i guess the non-sentient species went extinct and the dinosaur i am is some kind of, descendant of a sapient non-avian dinosaur that survived the k-pg extinction event...oh but who cares all i want is a cool little ambulocetus fossil or something. and some cherry pie :)

26: Handheld or console? my old ps3 just went kaput one day years ago so i haven’t used it in years so i can’t compare well... but i’d say handheld, because it lets me like DO stuff more...would love to get a console one day, a ps4 maybe but i’m kinda worried it’ll make me stay in one room all day wasting away my time when there’s other stuff i can do, y’know? but something handheld like my 3ds, on the other hand...i can do stuff with it. i can take it to my room and play it between breaks i take as i clean the room and fold my clothes, i can watch something on the tv and play the game during ad breaks, i can take it outside too if it has charge to last me a while! so....handheld i guess

27: Has there ever been a moment that has made you cry? yakuza 0 and undertale in particular have ALMOST made me fucking bawl with many of its moments....yakuza 0 especially, after that Fucking Ending i had trouble sleeping because oh my fucking god. video game people SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

28: Which character’s clothes do you wish you owned the most?

29:  Which is more important, gameplay or story? HMMM....well, if i were to play a game with a shitty story but really good and fun gameplay i’d probably continue playing it for the gameplay. but if i played a game with shitty gameplay but an interesting story, there is a chance i’d play it more for the sake of the story but also i might just quite and see the rest of the story on youtube or something. i’m more likely to go through a boring story for fun gameplay than go through boring gameplay for an interesting story, so i guess gameplay is more important to me....that is, WHEN i actually own and play a game as opposed to when i just watch someone play a game because i don’t own the game but wanna know abt the story lol

30: A game that hasn’t been localized in your country that you think should be localized? i have no idea how video game localization really works....but i assume localizing a game in india would mean something like, removing content according to cultural norm and also somehow translating it into the 22 official languages..? or just two or three language if it’s tied to a particular state, which seems way more doable. i honestly have no idea? i’ve never interacted w the indian gaming community that much to be honest, all i know of it is of the video games i’ve seen sold in some game stores and a few whispers about like solid snake or whoever from my school’s cafeteria....the most popular games here, to my knowledge, are those very streamable games like fortnite and PUBG and your call of duties and whatnot. those generic shooters. and even then, that honestly isn’t the “indian” gaming community bc this country is so FUCKHUGE, it’s just tamil nadu. one state.

soooo, according to what little i know of gaming interests in where i live, i don’t think any of the games i like should be localized here bc i don’t really think there’s an audience for it as far as i can tell :( maybe animal crossing? it’s a fun little games for all ages and i think it has a chance of becoming popular here, so maybe that is worth a shot! but i can’t think of any other game that i like that really has an audience here (other than Me lol)

[goldenretriever-nicknelson]

Not okay \P.P\

A/n: Hi yes, I don’t know what this is but I had a lot of feelings from FFH and that scene and I needed to write this to try and recover. It’s just a drabble about my feelings really.

word count: 1.3k

Warnings: MAJOR FFH AND ENDGAME SPOILERS!!! Please don't read this if you haven't seen FFH yet! also some swearing, panic attacks, unedited writing 

Peter’s heart was racing so fast that it rang in his ears. Or maybe that was the heartbeats of the hundreds of people that were all looking at him. His picture still large on the screen. His name on a loop in his brain. He reaffirmed his grip on the streetlight he was perched on before swinging away as quickly as he could. He knew where he was going, where he needed to go.

Your mind was invested in the pages of your book occasionally peering down at your phone just to check for a text or phone call. Peter had texted you as soon as he’d landed back in New York and he said he’d be around to see you soon and tell you about his trip. You looked to your window but soon shook your head and peered down at the your book. And of course Venice would appear as soon as your eyes landed on the page. The place that Peter had texted you in wishing you were there with him.

You went to a different school to Peter so you hadn’t gone on the school trip with him, but he’d text you about it and you’d gotten updates not only from him but from the news as well speaking of the ‘Night-monkey’. You laughed at that and had teased him for days. But you’d avoided the world today, waiting only for Peter and his warm embrace again with excitement. You were just thinking about how much you missed him when there was a loud knock on your window.

You jumped up and ran over, pulling it open as soon as you saw the unmistakable red of his new suit. “Peter!” He entered, pulling off his mask and throwing it the floor because what even was the point anymore? You quickly pulled him into a hug, kissing his cheek. He would have smiled if thoughts of that broadcast weren’t still fogging his brain and sending sparks of panic throughout his whole body because the bad guys were probably already knocking on his door. You were just talking about how much you’d missed him when he shook his head and you heard a sniffle. Your smile fell in an instant. “What’s wrong?” You pulled back and saw how much he was shaking. His words were jumbling together, and you could tell he was panicking. “Pete?” Your hands held his face firmly, urging him to look at you. You started to notice the cuts, bruises and starts of scars that lined his face.

“Shit- everything’s - it’s.” Peter broke from your embrace and started to pace your bedroom. His hand running down his face. “They know!”

“Who knows what?!” You asked calmly, taking a seat at the edge of your bed and encouraging Peter to sit with you but he shook his head, still pacing.

“Everyone! they know it’s me, they know I’m Spider-man Y/n!” Peter gestured towards the window, his eyes wild and panic-stricken. You returned the expression but tried to remain calm at the same time. Peter nodded his head even as you didn’t say anything, the way your heartbeat sped up spoke a thousand words.

“Okay tell me everything.” You took a deep breath.

“I haven’t got time, I’ve got to fix this!” Peter’s voice was an octave higher as he yelled. You were taken aback. This is bad. The thought you knew already only proved further by the next word that left Peter’s lips. “Fuck.”

You hid your surprise and instead bit your lip, trying hard to think of ways to calm him down. “Pete.” You tried the calm approach again, only watching as the panic surfaced more and more, his breathing becoming unsteady. “Peter!” The loudness of your voice made him stop and turn to you. “Will you just sit down please?” Peter’s wide brown eyes met your pleading ones and he nodded, sinking down onto the bed. You put hands on his arms and tried to get his breathing to slow until it matched your own. You wiped some tears that had fallen from his cheeks, careful to avoid the injuries that made your heart threaten to fall from its confines.

“Okay well first of all, Nick Fury shows up at my hotel room and shots Ned with a tranquilizer…”

Peter went through the story of his vacation, some things you knew from his texts and calls and others you didn’t.

“YOU GOT HIT BY A FUCKING TRAIN?!”

“Yeah, yeah that’s not the point.” Peter shook his head, ignoring the way your eyes bore into him, wide and full of shock. That definitely seemed like something he should have mentioned before but then again how would he have said that without you booking the next flight to where he was.

“Peter! A TRAIN. HIT. YOU.” You tried not to yell, you really did but the thoughts of your boyfriend being hit by a train was not an image you could rid of easily. Peter saw your look and reached for your hand as a reminder that he was okay.

“Yes it hurt, and I passed out and woke up in the Netherlands.” Peter explained as if it wasn’t a big deal and you fought back a scoff. “Did you know they’re so nice over there?” You blinked at his simplicity of the situation before shaking your head in answer to his question.

Peter sensed your worry even though he had been trying to change the subject. He tightened his grip on your hand and was just about to remind you that he was okay and here with you when he heard the tv from the next room increase in volume and J. Jonah Jameson’s voice booming into Peter’s ears once again.

“Pete? It’s okay.” However despite your words you could feel yourself panicking with him as you heard his name being called from the tv followed by a gasp from your parents.

“No y/n. No it’s not. How is this okay?!” Peter’s voice was still yelling but he’d lowered himself to a whisper because your parents would be alert now that your boyfriend was Spider-man and according to the tv had called a strike on London.

“I don’t know.” You shook your head hopelessly before meeting Peter’s eyes and exchanging a look of worry. Peter’s eyes drooped with sadness.

“I wish Tony was here.” His words were breathless, and it wasn’t words you hadn’t heard before but this time it wasn’t just because Peter missed him. Neither of you knew what to do.

Peter knew he should be trying to fix this mess, he should be doing something but ten more minutes in your arms seemed like a nice option. He was reminded of how you would tell him “Anger clouding your mind isn’t going to help anything.” He thought about what Tony would do and that’s when it occurred to him.

“That’s it!”

You watched in confusion as Peter jumped up and reached for his phone. He loaded something on the screen and sat by you. It was a video, the video of Tony’s press conference from 2008. You remembered watching it when you were younger on the news, your eyes lighting up at the thought that superheroes were real and not just stories. Peter remembered a similar memory of his own.

“So what? You’re just going to tell the world you’re Spiderman?”

“No not exactly.”

You looked at Peter curiously as he tried to give you a hopeful smile.

----------

“There’s been a lot of rumours about who I am and what I did in London. I’m not here to make up a story or excuses but I can tell you that the man who released that video cannot be trusted. And if you still have faith in me then thank you. I promise to get you the truth.” Peter felt panic rise in his chest as he finished the last word. The reporters in front of him burst into questions but thankfully, Happy was already rushing him off stage with a “No comment.”

“Okay. Now what?” You asked as soon as you spotted Peter coming out from the room. He hugged you tightly and took a moment to listen to your heartbeat to calm his own down. “We could go back to London and find the footage?” You said hopefully.

“No it’s all destroyed.” Peter shook his head with a frown, biting his lip.

“There is another option.” You pursed your lips and bit the inside of your cheek, Peter’s worried glance switching to confused. “We get help.”

A/n: IM SO SORRY I DONT KNOW WHAT THIS IS but I have withdrawal from FFH and I’m scared of what this all means (for that reason I’m not going to post my taglist)

[leviathiane]

SHOW US YOUR WROR RAW UNPROCESSED WHOLE GRAIN ORGANIC NOTES

this is going to be a long-ass post i am so sorry to Everyone! i take a lot of notes.

So, as You specifically know (as well as all of my lovely Soggers) I take a LOT of notes. Obsessively. I write fucking everything bc i have very little memory and very much paranoia. This results in literal Piles of notes. Raw planning, on paper, on my phone– doodles of scenes im brainstorming, bulletpoints, entire SCRIPTS– it’s all there but scattered (I’ve got scenes planned in the margins of my goddamn anthropology notes and deciphering it was a NIGHTMARE) 

I won’t even upload all the photos of my writing notebook, because itd be like 50 pages of illegible nonesense. but heres a couple of planning phase pages. (may be hard to read, I dropped this notebook both into some tidepools, into a creek on campus, and accidentally leaked my waterbottle onto it in my backpack :/) 

if you can’t tell already, yes they all look exactly like this. Some are even more illegible, because I wrote them with the notebook half under my actual class notes. Because i wrote most of them in class. During lectures. And pretending very badly that i was not doing exactly that. (pay attention in class please i got away with this bc i was filling up elective units) 

I’m also flat out MISSING a large portion of my notes bc some of it? isnt even in the damn notebook. its on a sheet of binder paper, or on the empty back of an assignment. I’ve now lost most of those notes, but the ones i do still have are just as (even more, actually) indecipherable chicken scratch: 

Wow, how clean and tidy and easy to follow! i am in hell. 

and this doesnt mention the PAGES and PAGES of outlines that are on my laptop, and the pages of outlined scenes that are on the notes app of my phone. if i put them all, you would have entire chapter spoilers up to the very end of the story so i cant post a lot of them– and also theres just a goddamn lot of them. currently i have 16 pages of outlining. There are no spacing breaks. It is a solid 16 page block of text. Looking at it gives me a migraine. 

some assorted notes which i have dredged up from the deleted parts of the main draft google doc go all the way back to when i started Wror in June and they are Barely more readable than my handwriting on sheer account of: articulation is not my strength. These include: 

“Ch 8 plan: sabo gets trained specially, awakens his armament haki, beats ace in a bunch of spars and proves himself to be anything but vulnerable. The boys are like “we fucking recognize that technique ryu taught you before us!!” and goad ryu into finally starting them both on basic haki training, just to awaken it, since sabo already has. Also this is the chapter that ace finally confronts ryu for his devil fruit after ryu confirms that some devil fruit users can’t be hurt without haki and ace immediately catches onto that and tries to slam his pipe through ryus head. It doesn’t work, ryu catches the weapon with a haki covered hand, to avoid turning to flame with hit and ace just gets frustrated and accuses ryu of hiding his devil fruit, because he remembers what he saw in grey terminal and that now that he has seen haki he can distinguish it from what he saw and he’s sure no one could do what ryu did. He calls ryu a hypocrite for coddling them even after telling them to stop coddling sabo and ryu has to sit them down and explain that yes he does have powers and he has been hdiing it and explains his reasoning. However instead of understanding th eboys just get fired up and say they don’t wnt to be scared of fire, especially not when it means ryu isn’t taking them seriously in a spar. Ryu finally agrees to start them on desensitization training for fire trauma. Fire desensitization training happens on the beach, so that they have water nearby in case things get out of hand. At some point ace gives ryu a considering look and is just like “if you have a devil fruit that means you can’t swim either right?” and ryu is basically just like “lmao yeah” and then ace immediately attempts to drown him. Lots of murder attempts in ace’s department toget his older brother to be less of an idiot with little success lol(extra: ace tried to attack ryu earlier both to confirm that ryu has a devil fruit that would force him to use haki to hide it, and because he now knows that he CAN’T hurt ryu without haki and as thus can’t beat him and make him admit he’s awake without being good at haki.)” [chapter 8] 

“Small sabo lost his hat and goggles in the incident and while he doesn’t remember having them future sabo notices he looks uncomfortable and keeps touching his hair and head. Ace yells at him for it thinking he bandaging are bothering him and that he can’t touch them but little sabo just comments that something about it feels wrong. Luffy blurts our that he had a hat, like luffy does, But he doesn’t now ace begrudgingly mentions that they can’t get a new one in town. Future sabo doesn’t even hesitate and just plops his own hat onto his younger selves head. It clearly too big for him, and almost falls over his eyes but he grins up at future sabo and is like “wow!! Thank you! I’ll take care of it till I have one of my own” and creates a paradox like Luffys own hat. The footsteps younger sabo has yet to fill. This HAS to happen AFTER the talk where they explain that future and past sabo are both the same person, to give little sabo that pressure.” [chapter 9]

“(Right after this older sabo takes them down to the ocean so that they can play a little and desensitize themselves and immediately fucks himself over when he goes weak in the water bc he somehow fucking forgot his own devil fruit again and now even younger sabo is on his case about not letting him near the fucking ocean that little goddamn HYPOCRITE—) )” [for chapter 9]

“Ch 9 plan: they finally leave dawn island. Starts with the boys getting a haircut after training and luffy mentions how long it’s been since they’ve last needed a haircut, giving sabo and ace time to point out that it’s been 2 months now since ryu joined them, and that sabo was completely healed by now. The boys are now aware of the basics of haki, and while luffy hasnt awakened either yet ace and sabo both have a little bit of weak armament haki. (sabo won’t awaken observational haki until he gets his memories back) ryu tries to sneak off into the city to steal a boat but his brothers refuse to leave him behind and keep sneaking out after him, not wanting him to go alone and saying that since he’s been training them they’re clearly stronger and he needs to let them do this. Ryu eventually just lets it go because why the fuck not it’s a dream and they make him feel better. They get the boat out on open ocean and finally fucking sail out, cheering loudly, ryu struggling to make them all calm down but also not really trying. He’s happy as shit, and they’re all so excited and happy and sabo dips a hand into the waves and then smiles so fucking wide and tackles ryu so violently they both nearly tip into the water and it’s just very very good. “ [also for ch 9] 

** I flat out dont Have any outlining from before chapter 6, because i only started actually outling chapters after that. i tend to just sit down and Write up until i hit a plot point or writers block and then am forced to actually think it through and plan rather than letting it come naturally. thats also why the quality and editing is better in later chapters despite everything being written within the same time frame. 

besides entire chapter outlines, there are the scene specific phone notes like:

“(ADDED) Right after they leave dawn, when sabo is sure they’ve gotten enough of a head start, he calls Garp. He doesn’t say who he is, but that all of the boys are safe and happy with him and has them all talk into the phone to assure him that they’re fine. Garp is honestly just pissed off he doesn’t know who’s calling and when he asks sabo just laughs and says a disobedient brat before hanging up. “

“(ADDED) TO EXPAND ON CH 3: sabo gets offered the chance to go with dragon, and he hesitates on the offer to go through with his previous life with the family he’s made in the revolutionary again. He almost agrees, because the bought of losing them in this lifetime is near excruciating but reminds himself swiftly that it’s no place for his brothers and not what they’d really want, and he wants selfishly to be with them as long as he Can until he “inevitably” wakes up. The boys are visibly relieved by this, especially ace. (Sabo gets asked who he is by dragon, who wants to know more about the stranger with his son, but dragon has always been quicker to make connections no one guessed and he just smiled knowingly at sabo and tells him he’s sure the other will have no trouble finding them if he’s in need. Sabo in turn warns him to keep Kuma close, and to look for a slave girl named koala.)”

I have…. many of these. I have Many of Everything. 

finally, i have scene doodles. if i hit a bad writers block it usually helps me to sketch scenes or the character designs to regain my grip on what the hell is happening in the plot– Breach of Intention has character design sketches, pakcbond has MANY scene sketches, even some of my nsfw has some sketches. my wror skecthes arent Good of course, I am an art teacher for children and that means i am more often explaining the color wheel and brush techniques over drawing perfect human replicas– and i just dont really make a lot of fanart? ive never drawn sabo before but i sure have a bunch now. i wont include close ups because they genuinely suck but heres an example pic 

So… yeah thats about everything. this is a VERY long post and yet i only included like maybe ¼ or 1/5 of all the notes i have dbskhjgfkjadns lmk if anyone wants more (or notes for my Other stories, which contain NO WHERE the same absurd amount of shit that wror does.)

[frywen-babbles]

Sounds of Silence pt1

A/N: Modern AU with Mitsunari! This is loosely tied to Everything comes with a price, set over a year after it. Unlike before, there won’t be a set release schedule bc this fic isn’t completely finished yet. (I just need some validation and motivation oTL). A big thank you to @dear-mrs-otome for telling me this idea doesn’t completely suck <3

Also spoilers for Mitsunari’s route!

When he opened the door all he could do was stare.

Behind it stood a young woman. And not just any young woman but the one he had seen at the library countless times reading books to kids in sign language. The woman he secretly always hoped he’d see when he went to the library, whose smile he couldn’t stop thinking about.

***

At first, Mitsunari was annoyed by the voices coming somewhere out of sight. Libraries were supposed to be where you could study in peace, he had no idea what could cause such a ruckus.

The sound of laughter guided him to the children’s section of the library, but what he saw wasn’t what he expected.

A young woman was standing in front of a group of kids, a book open in front of her, animatedly reading the book in sign language. The kids were excited, laughing and giggling at the what he assumed were the exciting parts of the story.

Mitsunari felt enamoured, his annoyance long forgotten. He didn’t even realise he had stared until the story was over and all the kids were circling her, trying to talk to her all at once. Her smile brightened her face and she looked so natural and happy amongst the kids Mitsunari felt almost jealous.

Just then, she caught him staring. He felt his face heat up and he turned around sharply, stomping back to the table he had reserved for himself. He planted his face firmly on the book open in front of him.

Gods, that was embarrassing. Who goes around staring random women, when they were supposed to study. Ughh…

*****

He saw her walk towards the children's section from the corner of his eye and somehow his head turned to look after her. She stopped to wait for a boy in his teens to bounce all excited to her a book in his hands. They shared a greeting but Mitsunari couldn't follow the signs they spoke with. It didn't stop him from staring after them when they continued on their way towards the room where he had seen her read to the kids.  

"Hey, are you even listening to me?"

Mitsunari turned to look at Sakon who looked at him a wide smile on his face.

"Or are you too busy staring after women to tutor me?"

"If you have time to lazy around and comment on everything I do, you must be ready for a quiz about all the important battles post-Honno-ji?"

"Ack! No! Don't you have any mercy, we just went through them 30 minutes ago?"

"Then what are you doing fooling around, you incorrigible dimwit. Get back to studying."

"I'm sure no one would have made me work this hard in the Sengoku period..." Sakon mumbled with a sigh.

"What was that?"

"I'm studying!"

When he was finally free of Sakon, he made his way to the children's section. But it was quiet, the children long gone. He was just about to turn around when he noticed a schedule on the wall. She would be back in an hour.

He could wait for that long.

Wait, maybe he shouldn't? Would that be weird? But he really did want to see her read again.  

He didn't see her until he got up to get some coffee from a vending machine. She was sitting on the sofas next to it with the same boy as before, lost in an animated discussion he could only guess the topic off.

A part of him wanted to loiter so he could watch them talk, but the reasonable part of his brain forced him to return to his table.

As soon as he saw her followed by the silver-haired boy he stuffed his things to his bag and stood up to follow her. A group of excited kids were already waiting for her but he stayed behind until everyone had sat down. Then he stepped behind the parents by the door, his eyes following the movements of her hands taking in every sign.

Unlike before, this time when she was finished she kept glancing at the clock and hurried away as soon as possible, almost colliding with him. The silver-haired boy tried to stop her but after some hurried signs let her go. The look on the boys face looked a bit like a lost puppy and for some reason seeing her hurry away like that made Mitsunari feel a bit same.

He was brushing his teeth in the evening when he felt the buzz of his phone in his pocket.

[23:12:45] <<bookshy>> do u evr feel like ur stuck in ur life? [23:12:52] <<bookshy>> like u shld hve accomplishd so much mor in ur life tn u hve?

He stared at the screen for a while before he typed a reply. He didn't know who bookshy was, not really. They had been talking with each other for years, but always with nicknames, always through messages in the internet. It felt more comfortable that way somehow. Knowing there was always a person willing to listen to you without judging.

[23:13:05] <<ManjuDreamer>> Are you feeling like that right now? [23:13:07] <<bookshy>> ya [23:13:11] <<bookshy>> i dunno wht ill do w/ my life [23:13:19] <<bookshy>> i thght id do so mch more u know? [23:13:22] <<bookshy>> and now i jst feel liek im stuck nd see no way out [23:13:23] <<bookshy>> is ths my life now? [23:14:50] <<bookshy>> evry1 says i shld b happy w/ wht i hve [23:14:59] <<bookshy>> i hve so much im feeling ungrateful whn i feel like ths [24:15:46] <<ManjuDreamer>> You still have plenty of time to accomplish your dreams. It's not for others to decide when you can be happy. [23:16:02] <<bookshy>> guess ur rite

He heard a knock on the bathroom door and quickly finished brushing his teeth. When he opened the door Hideyoshi was standing behind it already in his pyjamas.

"I thought you'd never come out," he commented with a yawn and pushed past him to the bathroom.

"Good night," Mitsunari wished to the closed door before he retreated back to his room.

[23:18:30] <<bookshy>> how was ur day [23:18:49] <<bookshy>> i saw the prettiest person today like hot damn [23:19:13] <<ManjuDreamer>> I saw an interesting person today too, I wish I get to see them again. Other than that, it was mostly my student being an idiot, so nothing new. [23:19:53] <<ManjuDreamer>> I tried to do some research on a paper I'm writing, but it didn't progress much. I was just about to go to bed so I have energy to study more tomorrow. [23:19:56] <<bookshy>> srry to keep u up [23:19:57] <<bookshy>> night! [23:20:10] <<ManjuDreamer>> Night.

***

Mitsunari tossed the wig from his head frustrated, running his hand over his face. He glanced at the mirror of the bathroom, at the perfectly drawn eyeliner, the perfect shade of blush, the perfectly applied foundation. The perfect set of lies, painted on his face.

[13:33:14] <<ManjuDreamer>> I went to see my mother.

He hesitated a bit before he sent the message. It didn't take long for his phone to bling with a reply.

[13:34:29] <<bookshy>> how did it go? [13:34:48] <<ManjuDreamer>> As well as you would expect. [13:34:51] <<bookshy>> u wanna t alk about it?

His fingers ghosted over the screen of his phone before he put it down and looked at the mirror again. He reached for the makeup removal wipes from his bag and scrubbed furiously at his skin until the last remains of the makeup were gone.

[13:36:18] <<ManjuDreamer>> She's there but I feel like I'm losing her. [13:37:01] <<ManjuDreamer>> Every time I visit she seems further and further away. [13:37:15]<<ManjuDreamer>> Sometimes I wonder if the mother I used to know is there at all.

He started to type his next message, but stopped, gripping his phone tight in his hand.

[13:38:34] <<ManjuDreamer>> She's my mother, but it's so hard. [13:38:42] <<ManjuDreamer>> I don't know what to do.

He glanced at the mirror to make sure his eyes weren't red before he pulled his shirt over his head and replaced it with one from his bag.

[13:38:47] <<bookshy>> ur doing plenty already [13:38:49] <<bookshy>> u dont have to push urself so hard [13:38:50] <<bookshy>> im sure shed understand [13:38:59] <<ManjuDreamer>> But I'm all she has. [13:39:02] <<bookshy>> i know [13:39:06] <<bookshy>> but u hhave 2 thnk abt urself frst [13:39:15] <<bookshy>> if u feel its too much u can keep a brek. ur not prfect. u dnt have 2 b [13:39:50] <<bookshy>> im alws hr 2 tlk if u need me [13:40:20] <<ManjuDreamer>> Thank you. It means a lot.

He put his phone on the side of the sink and wiggled out of his skirt. He really should buy a new one next time he got paid for tutoring. The zipper didn't work properly anymore and the hem was starting to fray. He kicked the flats from his feet and looked at the kneehigh socks on his feet. They wouldn't be visible under his pants anyway so he let them be and took his pants and shoes from his bag before showing the skirt and shirt in their place. He considered showing the wig in after them but realised making the wig presentable after that would be too much of a hassle. So he gently combed the wig with his fingers to sort out biggest tangles and folded it neatly in a mesh bag. Flats into a plastic bag, then into the bag.

Like countless times before.

He got dressed and made one final glance at the mirror before he put the bag on his shoulder and stepped out of the bathroom.

"Oh, Mitsunari! Here to see your mother?" a nurse greeted him when he tried to slip past the nurses' office without being noticed. What a nosy bunch of quidnuncs insistent of mothering him.

“Yes. I was just leaving.” He replied with a stiff bow.

“Come and have some tea with us! How did the test go you told me last time?” Another nurse poked her head from the office. Mitsunari resisted the urge to roll his eyes and offered another bow.

“I believe it went well. I still haven’t received the results.”

Half an hour later he was still stuck at the nurses' office surrounded by what felt like a flock of mother hens, all determined to squeeze every bit of information out of him they could. He was just getting up from his chair when a voice behind him froze him on the spot.

"Did my darling Saki leave already? She was just here... Such a dutiful daughter, coming to see her mother so often..."

His knuckles turned white as he squeezed the edge of the table, his head down. He wanted to turn around. He wanted to see his mother as himself. He wanted... needed to see if she'd recognise him this time.

"We saw her leave a while ago, Mrs Ishida. She's such a nice girl."

He heard a nurse walk his mother away and the sighs of relief from the remaining nurses.

"Are you alright, Mitsunari? You know we'll listen to you if you need to talk. Or we can help you find someone-"

"I need to go now. Goodbye," Mitsunari interrupted the nurse who had put her hand on his shoulder to calm him. He got up in such haste his chair fell to the floor with a rattle, but he just offered a quick bow before he fled the office.

He didn't stop until he arrived at the bus stop. There he sank on the bench, burying his face on his hands.

He took the bus to the library, staring idly out of the window.

[14:36:09] <<bookshy>> did u make it home [14:36:35] <<ManjuDreamer>> No. I'm heading to the library. The nurses got me again. [14:36:37] <<bookshy>> lol how did u mnage 2 escpe [18:36:56] <<ManjuDreamer>> Mother came to the office. [14:37:09] <<bookshy>> oh no [14:37:10] <<bookshy>> im so sorry [14:37:21] <<bookshy>> how r u feeling rn? [14:38:29] <<ManjuDreamer>> I don't know. I'll try to find some reading to distract myself with.

At the library, he searched for materials for his upcoming paper but when he sat down and tried to read, the words didn't make any sense.

When he had read the same page several times over and still remembered absolutely nothing he was interrupted from his reading by a book shoved on top of the one he was just reading.

"Can't you see I'm-!" the sharp words died on his lips when he saw the same woman who had read to the kids in front of him. She tapped on the note on top of the book and he looked down to read it.

'This is the book I was reading. You seemed interested'

She handed him a second book, a note on top of it too.

'I'll read this next'

When she shifted her weight from one foot to another clearly uncomfortable, he realised he was staring. He offered her a curt nod as a thank you and she bowed at him a small relieved smile on her lips. She seemed to hesitate before she signed something but he had to shake his head.

There was a slight shift on her smile, on her posture, and she took a step back.

'I'm sorry' she mouthed and offered him a bow before she all but fled, leaving him to sit alone, feeling like an idiot.

[16:19:20] <<ManjuDreamer>> I think I just made a complete fool out of myself. [16:29:59] <<bookshy>> lol rly? [16:30:00] <<bookshy>> wht did u do? [16:30:02] <<bookshy>> i thght fool wasnt in ur dicktionary [16:31:18] <<ManjuDreamer>> And for that terrible joke, I tell you nothing. [16:31:47] <<bookshy>> noooo hw wll i evr know how embarassng u can be if u don tell me? [16:32:32] <<ManjuDreamer>> You'll survive.

***

"She's not here today."

Mitsunari was startled from his thoughts by a familiar voice behind him. He turned around, vaguely aware of the frown his irritation had brought on his face.

"Who?" he asked as if he didn't know exactly who was the 'she' in question.

"I got this for you, I'm sure it holds some useful information." Mr Otani handed him a flyer for the children's activities in the local libraries. Mitsunari stared at the flyer blankly before he looked at Mr Otani, letting his irritation show.

"And what am I supposed to do with this?"

Mr Otani just smiled and pushed a book towards him as well.

"I'm sure you'll find this useful as well. Come find me if you need anything else."

Before he had time to protest Mr Otani left him with a wave, a wide smile on his face. He considered running or yelling after him, but changed his mind when he looked at the book in his hand.

'Sign language for beginners'

He tucked the children's program leaflet securely at the back of his calendar and checked the book out.

Something about the sign language intrigued him. She looked so graceful when signing. And so comfortable and she seemed genuinely love reading to the children.

At first, he thought he’d look up a few signs. Just in case some of the children needed help in the library. Just so he could talk to her. No, he meant the kids. So he could talk to the kids. But few turned into a few hundred. A few thousand. He was so lost.

***

[missjackil]

My 14x20 Season Finale Opinion

Moriah

This was absolutely AMAZING!! It ranks in there with the Season 4 and 5 finales with me! Definitely one of the best!! I came away from 14x19 saying “ooooh my boys done fucked the fuck up!” and came away from this with “OMG MY BOYS REAAAALLLYYY FUCKED THE FUCK UP!!!!”  So without further ado, let's get to it.

Absolutely nothing I predicted to happen happened. Even with clues given from trailers, sneak peeks and spoiler shots, which is fantastic, because that means they can still surprise me, have not gotten too predictable, and the writing is STILL top notch!

I was completely and pleasantly thrown by the segment where no one could lie. This is the first finale that had a good strong dose of comedy, where it would seem to not fit but was so well done it was great! It was reminiscent of Lebanon which started off very light and humorous and quickly changed to deeply dramatic. Since the beginning, one of my favorite things about this show is its ability to take me through so many different emotions in just one episode.

We start off with a very angry Jack. Sam Dean and Cas looking on in terror as he emerges from the smoke. Sam, though a little terrified, actually shows a little relief that Jack made his way out. .Now Dean and Cas have at it, because Dean wants Jack dead and Cas does not. Which solidifies that this, season 14, is the first season in 10 years that had absolutely 0 Destiel moments (Thank you Dabb!!) not a welcome back hug, no “sex eyes” no stupid mixx tape... nada zip nothing :)  so while so many of you have bitched since Dabb took over in S12, that he's breaking down the brothers’ co-dependency and is a Destiel stan, he has proven both accusations wrong by a long shot. 

Now let's move on to the story.  Jack walks through town and hears everyone lying to each other. One of the first things we know he has learned is that lying is bad. He’s expressed this a few times that he is uncomfortable with it, now even without a soul, he doesn’t like it, so he orders everyone to stop lying, simply by shouting it. I knew this was going to be fun. 

Sam and Dean go to a facial recognition company to try to find Jack. Right away I notice that the sign says “Mirror Universe” and they hold the shot for a moment, making me wonder if this is something I might want to remember later. Not unlike in Lebanon when the boys walked up to the pawn shop and their reflections appeared over the sign “Precious Pawn”. Are these things a hint to something, like in 7x02 when Sam and Hallucifer/Dean got to the office building that was named “Morning Star Inc” (Lucifer is Latin for Morning Star)? Could just be a coincidence but Im going to put that on my “hmmmm” shelf. 

Right away Dean comments about the nerds and Sam says “Takes one to know one” and we know they can’t lie either. We learn Dean is not only a geek also, but watches Jeopardy every night, and Sam’s favorite singer is Selene Dion! This tickles me because I love learning new things about Sam, and my little wincest heart sighs at the thought of My Heart Will Go On, Because You Loved Me, and It’s All Coming Back to Me Now are songs maybe he thinks about Dean to?

On that note, I must include that my good friend @supernaturalnardog pointed out that in the early years, being made to tell the truth, led the brothers to say biting, resentful things about each other, and now it was just silly brother teasing. How much closer and trusting they have grown since those days 😍 

Meanwhile, we have Cas doing something that made no sense to me. After bitching at Sam and Dean about trying to contain Jack in the Malak box, he is now trying to get into Hell so he can see if he can put Jack in the cage?? Ummm sure yeah Cas, that's a much better choice.  Jack goes to find Kelly’s parents, and sadly, they don't like him anymore. They looked him up and no one heard of him, and Kelly’s peers believe she is dead. Grandmom believes Jack killed her. She screams at him and all we see are glowy eyes and STOP!! Ugggh did he just Mary Winchester another grandmom?? Back at the ranch, Chuck shows up agrees with Cas that Jack is a problem and they go meet up with Sam and Dean. Dean is automatically pissed and breaks Chuck’s guitar, the office is crazy with people telling the truth, so Chuck zaps them all back to the bunker to talk. Emotions rise from there...

Cas splits to go find Jack, Chuck talks to the boys makes them a gun that can kill anything, but the catch is, that whatever the gun does to someone else, it also does to the shooter. Dean takes the gun. 

After some monologuing between Cas and Jack, we go back to Dean in his room, filling a flask. Sam is looking for him, so Dean invites him in and asks him to have a seat. Here comes “the talk” that Sam must be all too familiar with now. Dean informs Sam that he’s going to kill Jack, and consequently kill himself as well. Looking for Sam’s approval, blessing, acceptance, or whatever, Sam isn’t having it this time. He admits he’s still angry with Jack and part of him still wants him dead too, but

 “Dean, we never even tried to save him!”  “He killed mom!” “He has no soul!” “And who’s fault is that?” I actually thought Dean was blaming Sam for a second, until Sam took the blame himself and Dean’s expression clearly showed that wasn’t what he was trying to say, he was trying to say it’s Jack’s fault he has no soul. 

Sam says it’s his own fault because he brought him back, and Jack burned his soul off saving both of their lives. So Sam tells Dean if he thinks hes going to give him permission to go kill Jack and himself, so he can lose them both all at once, then no... just no.... he’s lost too much already. Sam peaces out.

Sam meets up with Chuck and the meta here made me a little dizzy to be honest. Chuck reveals that Sam and Dean are his guys, of all the Sams and Deans in all the universes, they’re his favorite. They’re SO interesting. And now Sam manages to make me feel guilty about watching them over and over and even writing fic. I empathize with Chuck a little bit here because he “writes” them this way because they're his favorites. They’re the most amazing heroes ever, they save the world but to BE those heroes, they need to go through tragedy. Show of hands here how many of you Sam girl’s write or enjoy fics with hurt!sam? Or Dean girls who write/enjoy hurt!dean? Wouldnt it suck if the boys in your stories started yelling at you to stop it?? What a dark and crazy thought! And I empathized with Sam too, because of how much I love episodes like Red Meat because Sam is badass... but now hes kinda saying, “why did I have to suffer like that to show you Im a badass??” ya feel me fam?? 

Anyway. Sam gets very angry and then Chuck tells him Dean already left. Dean is at the cemetery about to shoot Jack with the special gun, and Sam doesn't want this, Jack is on his knees, telling Dean he understands and its ok. It flashed me back to the end of S10. Dean cant do it and drops the gun. Chuck is like “nooo pick it up this is the big Abraham sacrificing his only son on Moriah and Dean’s like “nope” and he doesn't even care if Chuck brings mom back in the trade. He’s done, Chuck can fekk off... Chuck’s like fine snaps his fingers and the lights all go out and Jack dies, Dean goes after Chuck and Chuck flings him hard. Sam is completely done, gets the gun and is like fekk all “Chuck dies, I die, Dean dies, the whole freakin universe dies... GAME OVER!” But (un)luckily Sam misfired. And dont @ me Sam and Dean both are crack shots, but they also miss pretty often. And Chuck, from what Ive seen between the show and the fandom said “If all you can do is bitch about the show? Welcome to The End” 

Now we are being shown all Sam and Deans hard work being undone. From the Lady in White in  1x01 to John Wayne Gayce’s ghost in Lebanon. All the demons rising and the graves spitting out their dead and ganging up on 2 pretty helpless Winchesters and a pretty useless angel. My boys done fUcKeD tHe FuCk UP!!!! Jack is in The Empty, he’s awake with The Entity and Billie... I cant even imagine where this is going. 

 Im fairly sure this storyline won't come to a close in a few episodes in the beginning of next season. Since its the final season (side eyes the haters who made sure of it by bitching and not just changing the damn channel like civilized humans would) it will probably be a season-long arc and have reconciliation between the boys and Chuck by the end. If we have learned anything from the past 14 years of this show, its that good intentions don't always turn out good, with love we can forgive some pretty bad shit, and unfortunately, we tend to hurt the ones we love most. 

Overall I think this was one of the best finales we’ve seen. I plan to write about and meta the crap out of what's gone on this whole season, because I think the season itself, aside from a few crapisodes, (which every season has) was by far one of the best!

So on a scale of Bloodlines to Lebanon, Im giving this a 9. Well done everyone... well done!!

[uniformbravo]

me trying to make a gif part 2 (thrilling finale, buildup ver.)

ok good news and bad news: good news being withheld for Spoilers (not that it’s that hard to guess anyway lol), bad news explained first bc, chronologically, it is first

so yesterday i mentioned in the tags of that post that i had seen that krita has an animation feature so i was gonna try importing the frames into that and then exporting it as a gif. easier said than done, as it turns out

i started by opening the file i made yesterday with 62 layers as the frames and importing that into krita, which worked fine (i didn’t know you could actually open .psd files in clip stuido ((this typo is so fucking stupid it made me laugh so im leaving it)) and krita, so that’s pretty neat, i wonder if it works the other way around too) but i ran into problems when i tried to convert those layers into frames in an animation. because, like, the layout of the program has the layers displayed in one tab, and the animation timeline in another, like so:

(do u like how im using pictures now, i thought of that yesterday after i published the other post and realized hey, visual reference would probably make my plight a lot easier to understand!! so enjoy these educational diagrams from now on)

so my goal was to get the frames from the layers into the timeline, and i still don’t know if i did it right bc lbr krita is not very intuitive at all,,.,, i mean i watched a video tutorial abt how to animate in krita which was v helpful (it’s the one by jesse j james on yt fuckin SHout out) but it was about animating from scratch, not importing an animation you’ve already done elsewhere

so like, the way krita’s animation thing works, from what i could piece together as i bumbled my way around w/ it, is that each layer in the layers tab is a separate timeline in the,,, timeline tab

i want them all to be in the same timeline, not separate ones, and there’s no way to combine them in the timeline tab bc doing that just overwrites whatever layer you’re pasting it down onto, and also if you define the number of frames for that timeline (62 for this project) it just puts the single image of that layer for all of the frames instead of just one of them, so you’d have to go through and delete all the other frames you don’t want it to be, which would be such a fuckin pain

so i found a workaround, which is so tedious that it can’t be the right way to do it, but basically i started w/ layer 1 and defined 62 frames & then emptied frames 2-62, like this

(that blue box is the frame, btw, even tho it says 0, which actually kind of annoys me like why doesn’t it start the first frame on 1????)

from there i went up to layer two and selected that in the timeline, but for some reason the frame doesn’t show up automatically?

& i couldnt fuckin figure out how to make it into like, an Official Timeline Layer or whatever tf bc like, u see on layer 1 how theres that little lightbulb-looking icon on the right? that’s for turning on onion skin which only applies when you actually have frames with things drawn on them, so basically layer 2 in the layers tab has a drawing but in the timeline it doesn’t?

i didn’t find out what the actual reason for this is or how you’re /supposed/ to make the frame appear in the timeline, but what i did was right click on layer 2′s timeline & select “create blank frame” which magically made the frame i want appear

but it’s on top of the layer 1 frame, and i want it to be the frame after. also it’s still in a different timeline. this is the only easy fix in this whole damn process, u can literally just click & drag the frame from layer 2 to layer 1 and put it wherever u want on the timeline

and then u just delete layer 2 and that’s it, frame transferred!! then i just had to do that for 60 more layers and after [unspecified amount of time but it was a fuckin while ok] my timeline looked like this!

(the gaps near the end are held frames, to save me time so i didn’t have to copy a bunch of frames that were exactly the same)

krita is great because as far as i know ur animation can have an unlimited number of frames, at the risk of your own pc’s processing power, which is a definite upside to SOME expensive art programs i know (clip studio, i’m talking abt csp) and u can pick the frame rate too (cough photoshop elements 5.0 even tho u dont technically have an animation feature & it’s a miracle u can even make gifs at all) so once i finally got all the frames situated all nice and in order like on the same timeline, playing it was great! played at the right speed, looped perfectly, it was a dream come true right

well, time to export it as a gif

ha

haha

hoooo oo  o

so u got 2 options for exporting ur animation, u can either hit “export,” which lets u save it as different file types, one of which being gif, or you can hit “render,” which gives you gif and video options

well

i tried export first, bc that seemed like a good idea, but the “””gif””” it made was distinctly not a gif, despite its claim to be one?? this is what i got:

notice: 1. it is not moving, and 2. the black bars to the sides?? those are supposed to be transparent. they’re transparent in the file i made so why didn’t they register as transparent in the export, when gifs have transparency capabilities??

so That was some real live bullshit but i still had the “render” option, right? export was wrong, so rrender must be the correct option to go to that will produce the results i am wanting to see produced in front of me like a silver dinner platter with a correctly functioning gif under the lid, that’s what i want to see and “Render Animation...” is gonna Give me that silver platter righWRONG ok look at this shit rn ok Look

it says GIF it says it RIGHT THERE right??? right?????? then WHY

?????????????

and it also gave me all This bullshit

like did i ask?? did i fucking ask???? i already have all the individual frames why do i need even M o re i mfjgjgk

((rationally ok yea thats v useful for if ur making the animation in krita and want to export the frames to use elsewhere, but like uhhh 1. again, they’re not transparent & 2. i should have the option of saying i don’t want these??? bc *meme voice* i don’t want these)

so in the end i could find NO correct method of exporting animations as a gif in krita bc every ooption that says gif is fuckign LYING to ur face there are NO gifs in krita, aliens made the progam who looked at gifs and went “hmm i thikng this is how a gif works “ and just made jpegs instead but somehow got on the computers good side and got it to lie for them about it being a gif so thats why it says gif on the file still even tho its not a gif illimati confinr

so what is the conclusion to this? well i said there was good news too, and this is the portion where i divulge that sweet nectar (i type dthis 2 seconds ago and @ me what the fuck)

so after wasting a good 2 hours trying to figure out krita i gave up and watched some good old [youtuber name redacted bc what if it shows up in search & ppl see this dumbass post in there but it rhymes with fjackfsepticfeye] to relax into accepting my fate that i’ll never be able to upload my animations to tungle except in poor quality loopless video form, making me into a laughing stock on my own art blog, but THEN i had a stroke of genius, in my Brain

so if u read yesterday’s post u might remember that flipnote studio, the animation program i use on my ds, to animate, has the option to export files as gifs, both animated and sequential (meaning either as one fully animated gif or each individual frame separately), which is super convenient, but as i mentioned yesterday, any time i tried to open the folder with those files on my laptop, it crashed immediately

WELL today i thought “hey, how about instead of opening the folder in the sd card when it’s plugged in, how about i copy that folder from the sd card to my flash drive, and try to open it there, in case it’s the card’s hardware that’s causing the problem, not corrupted files”

so i tried that and it FUCKING WORKED THANK GOD GLORY HALLELUJAH

so now instead of spedning A THOUSAND YEARS trying and failing to force art programs to bend to my will i can just export the animations straight from my ds and drag them onto my computer Just As God Intended oh GOD im so fucking happy

here’s the gif in the end, i’m gonna post it to my art blog too but this is the Green Version bc i animate in green bc of some default settings in flipnote that i got used to, plus it makes me feel like i’m just sketching so nothing really has to be finalized so i’m comfortable while i work, and also it’s just nice ok it’s a Nice Green

(there’s a few frames at the end that are like the extra scraps from while i was working dw i got rid of those in the final version that i’m posting to my art blog later. also i added my blog url to that one too it’s aaaaaall good)

the only downside to this method is that i can’t change the canvas size to be 540px wide to fit with tumbrl s image dimensions but whatever i can just post them in a text post and fix the html to display it at its original size instead of the resizing bullshit tmurbl pulls constantly ugh. anyway it works great on desktop but it’s inevitably gonna look like shit on mobile no matter what i do *Big Ass Shrug*

anyway thats the end of my success story uhh i can’t make the like comment & subscribe joke again bc i already did that in the last post so like bye i guess thanks 4 watchign & have a great day i’ll see u in my next fvideo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYob4uDjEKI&t=0s

(^that’s my outro music)

[nonsensical-rants]

Thoughts on Persona 5

The persona series is one of the biggest influences to me and who I am within recent memory. I’ve played every game and anticipate the idea of exploring every nook and cranny the game has to offer, across hundreds of hours. Both three and four were games that I cherish and the same can be said with five. But just like with any game I've played there are some gripes that get to me whenever i think about them for too long. This is my personal opinion but i do like hearing different viewpoints since it will always add insight to a discussion. I am prone to rambling and sometimes getting of topic but i shall do my best. Spoilers ahead for anyone who has yet to beat/see the game in its entirety.

During the “anticipation” for the games release, I didn’t really look up a lot about the game because i wanted everything to be a surprise. Aside from some trailers that hooked me in with an amazing story about Phantom Thieves who steal peoples hearts and jump out of Casinos, everything would be a surprise for me. So when i started up the game and reached Kamoshida’s Palace. I was having a grand time with all the mechanics, the music, and the different characters that were being presented too me. Personally, Morgana is one hell of a upgrade in comparison to Teddy. Both as a character, and as a mascot.

During the game play, I was always looking forward to what would come next and how it would be done. Hanging out with Ryuji and seeing Mishima change as a person were some early game highlights. Of course i went through the dungeon as fast as possible because i wanted to know the characters as much as possible. Ryuji filled a good role as a partner and as comic relief, but I felt towards the later end of the game he could’ve had another spark to get him excited (other than being pissed at corrupt adults). And no. The confrontation between Morgana and Ryuji does not count. I felt like that could have been so much better of a scene, but it was executed poorly with Morgana basically getting away for his constant belittling of “Skull”. Everyone just laughs it off, except for me because its actually just unwarranted and unnecessary rivalry between characters who just started off on the wrong foot. Morgana is a know it-all and Ryuji may need a second explanation sometimes but he has more heart that anyone in the gang.

But, i’m getting ahead of myself. The original four were interesting characters who had good traits to bounce off one another whether it be through bickering or bonding. And as the story progressed, i really found myself hating Kamoshida because of how much of an asshole he truly was behind his public mask (haha). Shiho’s involvement only strengthened that belief. As sudden as her introduction was, it still meant something to me. So taking him down, and seeing him crying while confessing everything was great satisfaction.

But this is where something started occurring to me that would constantly present itself to me throughout the course of the game and it was bothersome. Climbing up the confidant ranks of Ann, and later Makoto made me ask a question to myself over and over again. Why am i not learning more about THESE characters, but instead about Chiho and some random girl from Makoto’s class. I understand that they are being used as catalysts to show traits and ideas about their personality, but i would rather observe those traits for myself while also learning more about them. I found myself to be learning more about these characters during story cut scenes (in-game or otherwise) then i did in the confidants. And that’s a problem in my eyes. 

It almost felt like they were flattening themselves like Persona Q did for the casts’ of three and four. Ann is a female model who loves sweets, cares deeply/respects herself and her friends, and can stand up for others but not so much for herself. I could’ve learned this through different scenes in the game like with different encounters of Kamoshida, the Shido cruise, and just how she carries herself. And Makoto is a whole other basket case with how shes supposed to be this “badass” who only reveals herself when she is pushed too far but she is also motherly and wants to protect what is right in her eyes. Those are the only defining traits i can think of when i think of Makoto and they are mostly shown in her Awakening scene. Maybe also when she defies her sister to download the case files and slaps her friend. Other than that, she felt very robotic to me, wanting to help this nameless individual.

We could of had a scene where Sae is worrying about her sister and wants to see one of her friends, and thinking you are the best option. She invites you (the leader of the phantom thieves) to come over. More interaction with Sae, more personal depictions of Makoto, rather than seeing the problems of someone we aren’t invested in. Or hell maybe even Akechi could show up during a confidant session. This is my first pet peeve with Persona 5. In comparison to the previous games, we learn so much more about the characters personality and problems through hangouts. Junpei isn’t a social link/confidant but we learn about his experience with Chidori and feel for him during a later confrontation (He’s a social link in Persona 3 Portable i know but im refering to three and FES). Or Kanji being a “delinquent”. We see others belittling him for his appearance and what they perceive to be his personality, but we know better as his friend. We learn about his mother and his desires through the rank ups. Moving on though.

Yusuke has one of my more favorite social links as he is overflowing with personality and (in my opinion) humor. Even if accidental, all the posing, painting and quirkyness from Yusuke is what i expected from everyone. After Madarame is taken down he goes from being defensively aggressive to shaken up and finally angry at the man he once cherished. We learn more about him both in and out of confidants, like how he doesnt have much money so he rarely gets to eat, and also didnt have a place to stay for a while (even though that was brief. I would’ve loved seeing Daytime scenes with him). He has almost a brother like relationship with Futaba Sakura, who i believe to be a well executed hermit character. For me, her backstory was very developed and believable for someone to shut themselves inside when they dont have all of the answers to a problem/life event that has become essentially the bane of their existence. Her social link developed her bond with Sojiro and shows of traits of herself through another person in a way that didnt completely focus on them instead of the person im hanging out with (*cough* Makoto *cough*)

Seriously though, I think all the characters were written well for the most part with only a few exceptions. Atlas really knows how to write their characters. Haru is actually one of my top picks for a favorite character because of how she was portrayed in having to deal with stress and how we kind of lead to the demise of her father. Though that was completely unavoidable as most things are in a supernatural franchise such as this. One last thing that urked me about the game was Akechi and how blatantly obvious the whole traitor aspect of his character was depicted. Atlas had it right with Adachi, making him one of my favorite characters in general and showing off a hopelessly Nihilistic perspective of the world when we as a player are seeing the world as happy and carefree. He didnt have a social link (until Golden), while Akechi did. The difference is that Akechi’s was progressed through story events while Adachi’s was an optional relationship that led you to learning more of his quirks earlier in the story. He could have been so much more but was thrown aside for a nameless “big bad” who we (as a player. Not the protagonist) have no relation too. I’ve seen discussions saying how Akechi could have been the one to have the River’s in the Desert battle, with a shadow realm showing his perspective of the world as a kingdom with him as the hero who protected everyone. He is the best in his own eyes and could not be defeated.

If there is one thing i hate in story telling, it is wasted potential. And Pancake Boy has a lot of that to spare. From the moment he blackmailed the Phantom Thieves to show them Nijima’s Palace (also with just how GOOD his moveset was), it made it so much more obvious he wouldn’t be a mainstay.

Those are my main comments with Persona 5, but they are mostly nitpicks compared to the grand scheme of things. I invested 200+ hours and two playthroughs into this game. My regular play through and a Fresh Merciless playthrough (with the help of a guide for 100% sake). I love this game to pieces and i wouldn’t be talking about it otherwise. Maybe there will be a P5Crimson Edition that adds more context to Akechi’s character and fixes problems other people have with the game. Maybe not. Who knows.

[pabotofus]

A Long and Screamy Rant

So this is a rant dedicated to @apvrrish's fic (aknightley on AO3) 'calling me to come back', a gem of a fic and a sincerely gorgeous work. (If you haven't read it yet, go do it here and now!! Seriously, you won't regret it)

I was originally going to make this only about how I felt, but she writes so well I have to put something about her writing style there

Spoilers for the fic under the cut!!

1. Her worldbuilding

Literally once the fic started, I had such a good idea of what the shop looked like. Even if it may not have matched her mental image, it was so clear in my head (which is extremely rare for me). Apvrrish also does amazing descriptions, and it's like I'm actually living in the moment. It's so awesome!!!

2. Characterization

She nailed it. Completely and actually nailed it; bullseye after bullseye; on point. Shiro and Keith's relationship, later on Keith and Lance's relationship, Pidge (idk why I really liked the mental image of Pidge with a bun. I just did) staying up really late to help Keith, the way pIDGE CAN USE HER MAGIC THROUGH ELECTRONICS HDKCKSKCKFD

3. Lotor and Honerva/Hagar

Honestly, I was going to make this a side note on characterization, but this is so good it deserves its own topic. Honerva is so extra and I love it? I mean obviously it's not cool that she literally tried to kill Lance so that Lotor could go to a school. But that is something that she would totally do, and I can't really express my love for the all of this.

I also love the way aknightley wrote (or rather, mentioned) Lotor. Here's a beautiful beautiful quote: "Lotor was evidently interested in genetic science, something that Alfor specialized in, but Alfor was also specialized in avoiding people he didn’t care for, something Keith found enviable."

So maybe that quote doesn't focus on Lotor specifically, but it's such a GOOD SENTENCE. It wasn't the type of funny that would make me burst out into laughter, but the kind of brilliant genius that made me stare at my laptop screen and re-read that sentence five times, because it's that good.

4. While we're on this topic, QUOTES.

"Scrolling to a number that’s only labeled with a small bird emoji and a poop emoji, he texts, Can you do some research for me?" It isn't really the quote itself that I liked, per se, but the idea that Pidge's contact name is a bird and a poop emoji. That is perfect?? And I love it so much???

“Am I wrong, Sunshine?” Lance asks, tilting his head and smiling slyly." Lance calls Keith Sunshine. LANCE CALLS KEITH SUNSHINE OH MY GOD I CANT??? !!!!!!!

"You don’t need it to look pretty, Keith thinks, unbidden." Do I even need to explain here? Seriously, look me in the eye and ask my why I love this quote so much, I dare you. KEITH ADMIRING LANCE'S BEAUTY IS MY GODDAMN JAM

"“Sure, kiddo,” Shiro says, taking a sip of coffee with raised eyebrows." This. THIS!! The amount of pure goodness in this line is enough to make me cry. Shiro knows. Shiro knows!!!

"“Besides the obvious reasons,” Shiro says, raising his eyebrows. Keith gives in to pettiness and uses his magic to fling the pieces of cereal still on the counter at his face, grinning when they nail him directly in the nose." THIS IS THE GOOD BROGANES CONTENT THAT I LIVE FOR DID YOU KNOW??? Again, with characterization,, such perfection.

"“A customer,” Pidge says, doing air quotes. “A customer you dream about and who makes you go super smiley when he calls you on the phone.”" PIDGE KNOWS. SHIRO KNOWS. THEY ALL KNOW AND STILL KEITH REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT. A GOOD TROPE. I VERY MUCH APPROVE.

"“So I guess I should -- um -- take this off?” He pulls lightly at the material over his chest and Keith feels his own face heat up." FLUSTERED KLANCE IS BEST KLANCE. NO, I DONT ACCEPT OTHER ANSWERS. THIS IS LAW.

"Lance leaned in close so he can peer into Keith’s face.

Across the room, a cedar branch catches fire." AGAIN. FLUSTERED KLANCE IS BEST KLANCE. NEED THERE BE ANY MORE PROOF? (Also, I hope all these quotes convey the immense love I have for aknightley and her writing)

“I’m going to have to buy her something very sparkly,” Keith murmurs to himself, smiling at the little heart she’s drawn next to her name.

Just,, sparkles!! ✨✨give Allura all the sparkly things 2Kforever please and thank you :)

“I’m good, Sunshine,” Lance says, stretching a little. “In fact, I kind of feel lucky right now.”

OHHHHHH BOY. THIS IS THE CLICHE BUT WONDERFUL TYPE OF THING THAT A HERO GENERALLY SAYS BEFORE THE BIG SHOWDOWN AND I LOVE IT A LOT??? ITS BEAUTIFULLLLLLL GIVE ME EVERY AND ALL THE CLICHE TROPES

5. Keith taking off his protections so that he could talk with Lance in his dreams

I'm probably reading way too much into this, but Keith literally let Lance inside all of his defenses. This is his how much he likes Lance. He stripped down all his protection that he's had for like, forever and let himself be vulnerable ALL FOR LANCE. I CANNOT BELIEVE,, THE SHEER EMOTION AND TRUST SHOWN IN THIS SCENE,,, UGH MY HEART

6. Similarly, the garden scene

This is Keith's private place. This is where he goes to remember his parents, and he let Lance come with him. Again, probably reading way to much into this, but Keith is actually letting Lance in? I mean it's never stated explicitly in the fic but I don't think Keith really goes around sharing the garden with people... wHICH MAKES THIS SO MUCH MORE SPECIAL HDJCKDKSKC I WAS LITERALLY CLUTCHING MY CHEST I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS

7. Keith giving Lance his mom's jacket

Keith didn't even let Shiro, his own brother, keep some of his parents' books from him. Granted, it was a different situation, but still. Keith is incredibly protective of anything and everything related to his parents, so the fact that he let Lance wear and KEEP his mom's jacket?? Is like the equivalent of other people literally ripping out their heart for someone else. The Klance here is absolutely wonderful.

8. The 'fuck your emotions' scene

WELL DAMN, APVRRISH, FUCK WITH MY EMOTIONS WONT YOU?? THEYRE BOTH SO GODDAMN SELF SACRIFICIAL??? LIKE LANCE I GET IT YOU LOVE HIM AND DONT WANT HIM TO GET HURT BUT DONT PUSH HIM AWAY LIKE THIS PLEASE,, ON ONE HAND THIS SHOWS HOW MUCH LANCE CARES FOR KEITH AND WANTS HIM TO BE SAFE BUT ON THE OTHER HAND 'FUCK YOUR EMOTIONS' LANCE QUOTES LIKE ITS NO BIG DEAL... stop taking both mine and Keith's hearts and stomping them into bits you HEARTBREAKER

9. "The bell, when it rings above Lance's head, still cruelly sounds like laughter."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. CATCH ME SCREAMING INTO THE VOID BECAUSE DAMNNNNNNNN. THE HOLY UNION OF BEAUTIFUL WRITING AND ALL OF THE FEELS IN THE WORLD. My eyes do not deserve to see the glory that is this sentence,, I had to give it a separate topic from Quotes because it was just. So good,,, Even now I feel like I'm not doing it justice, but it's so MIND BLOWINGLY AWESOME that I just can't. 👏🏻👏🏻 you did good, apvrrish.

10. Keith realizing he loves Lance

Need I say any more? Literally ALL I could dare to ask for. It's beautiful and I love it a lot. I also like how you didn't make it this big panicky moment for Keith, because honestly? Finding out that you're in love with someone isn't supposed to be all 'oH MY GOD WHAT DO I DO THIS IS BAD'. If realizing that you're in love with someone is bad, well, why are you in love with that person in the first place?

I kinda went off on a tangent there but anyways!! My main point- I really REALLY liked you portrayal of this scene and the way you wrote it. *swallows down the screams of the damned my emotional heart*

11. The dandelion

They're soul bound. They're soul bound, and Keith used a love spell thingy to track down Lance because he loves him and holy hell they're SOUL BOUND. I mean, the whole soulmate thing is low key overdone, not just in this fandom but everywhere. Yet apvrrish manages to put her own unique spin on the whole thing, incorporating magic and the idea of 'marriage bonds', which is really unique.

12. The idea of modern magic

Okay so I've been trying to go in chronological order but as I keep reading I just find this world so so cool. Most times there's a magical AU, the characters are somehow in the past, or it's a different world. But this, this is a combination of modern tech and somehow also these awesome magical abilities. There are potions with real life ingredients (certain types of wood, flowers, stones or minerals, etc.) and for realistic purposes. This is so realistic that I can actually imagine it happening, which is GREAT because it shows just how good of a writer that apvrrish is, but at the same time, makes me wish so so hard that I could be part of this world. Modern magic,, hdjckskc stab me in the heart with everything I've ever wanted, won't you?

13. “True love or some shit, I think,” Lance says cheerfully, and waves his hand.

Another quote too good for the Quotes section. He says this so nonchalantly?? It fits Lance's character SO WELL and so was really funny (idrk why it just made me smile a lot). Also, they're in LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEE~

14. Red!!

Beautiful cat child is cute and deserves all the love. I ADORE witch familiars, and Red helping Keith out with the exorcism thing was really pleasing to read. Also,, Red and Lance interactions. The pLaYFuL bAnTEr between Keith and Lance. Hhhhhhhhhhhhh I love this so muchhhh

15. The ending

tHE ENDING, OH MY GOD THE ENDING. THEY LITERALLY RODE INTO THE SUNSET ON A MOTORCYCLE. IM CRYING ITS SO CLICHE BUT BEAUTIFUL??? ME, SOBBING? ITS MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK BECAUSE THIS IS A GORGEOUS CONCLUSION.

Also! "“Why not?” he says quietly, leaning back against Lance’s chest. “We’ve got time.”"

That. THAT. I've already said this in a comment on the fic itself, but this is so good it needs to be said again. This entire story has kind of a recurring theme of how Keith doesn't have enough time with his loved ones (his parents and Lance because of the curse). But now that he broke the curse, he finally had time to be all cutesy and happy with Lance because they have time. Lance is no longer in danger of dying, and so they can take the long way and enjoy life just because now, they can. Catch me screaming into the void again because THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.

A last note- I found a song that kinda fits for this fic. The lyrics match the best, but in general the song is also super pretty!! So if you have time give it a listen because it's,, so good (jUST LIKE THIS FIC).

I still feel like all this ranting isn't enough to do this work of art and perfection justice, but anyways!! Apvrrish, continue being the awesomely amazing writer you are.

~Paladin

[kasaneteto]

my thoughts on persona 5

ive had this in my drafts for like a month and i just now finished it so TAKE IT

THIS ISNT SPOILER FREE!!!! so only read this if you’ve finished the game/don’t care about spoilers. im gonna be comparing it a lot to persona 4 (and 2 / 3 to a lesser extent) so if you haven’t played it and dont want spoilers DONT READ THIS!!!!

i went into persona 5 with high expectations. i’ve been a big fan of the entire series for many years, and like everyone else, had been eagerly awaiting the delayed release of the game; and for the most part, i wasn’t let down. there are very few real issues i have with the game, and despite my bias toward persona 4 i can definitely say that this is the best installment in the series so far.

persona 5, much like p4 did with p3, takes the best things from p4 and improves upon them. you can tell that a lot of care went into this game to make it as polished as possible. all of the things that made p4 a great game are present and more. the characters are very fleshed out and diverse, just as in any persona game. the game also does an excellent job in making you feel connected to the characters. when the characters were plagued with anxiety, so was i. when the characters were depressed, so was i. it really made me feel immersed in the world.

the graphics are also obviously an incredible step up from the previous persona games. the game in general is absolutely beautiful. it’s so vibrant in it’s colors and constantly gives the impression of a bustling city environment. not to mention how stylish the UI is. it’s really apparent that the persona team utilized their resources to their full potential in how fluid all the menus are alone. the way loading screens and menu changes transitioned into each other was so stylish that it had me sifting through menus just to watch the animations. over all the art direction for this game has surpassed all other persona games so far. everything is so incredibly polished, from the cutscenes to the normal gameplay. i can only think of two or three occasions in which a texture looked off to me, and that’s mostly me just nitpicking.

i love the concrete theme of the game as well. from the personas to the social links, everything feels as though it ties together under the thief motif. i really loved that every social link fell under the theme of “someone who has been ostracized by society” and how it enforced the idea that the phantom thieves were necessary in this world. the way each social link has a coinciding mementos request made the social aspects of the game feel a lot more connected to the battle aspects, as well as the fact that social links can now grant you special battle abilities. the fact that they added this aspect is one of the best things added to the social link system in my opinion. it gives you more of a reason to try and max a character’s social link if you aren’t particularly interested in the character to begin with. (however, personally, i didn’t find any of the social links in this game to be uninteresting.) the way they incorporate maxed social links into new game+ is incredibly useful as well. it helps make you feel as though you really accomplished something in your previous play, as well as making you feel motivated to finish the things you were unable to last time.

the battle system and the dungeons are LEAGUES better than any previous persona game. the flow of battle is so much more fun; the baton pass ability brings a whole new aspect into battle. that and the ability to easily ambush enemies makes you feel as if youre really in control of your battles and makes it a lot more fun. i also love love love LOVE the battle aspects that they brought back from persona 2. demon negotiation was one of my favorite things about p2 and i was ECSTATIC to learn that they brought it back with p5. not only does it give you the ability to get exactly what you want out of battle, but it makes you really excited to fight new enemies!!! i was always really excited to get into a battle in a new area to see what personas i could recruit. the fact that youre battling the actual personas rather than the same palette-swapped shadows every dungeon is also super cool to me. it made me really excited to see a shadow that i recognized and be all “OH THAT’S SHIKI-OUJI!!!! I NEED THAT GUY!!!!”

dungeon navigation is so much more fun too. i can’t even begin to express how happy i am that they incorporated puzzle elements into the palaces. it made navigating them so much more fun compared to previous games where you just ran around hallways opening doors until you found the stairs. it made every dungeon feel different and unique, and most importantly really fun!! another thing i really appreciated was the ability to switch party members in the middle of a dungeon. it really encouraged you to use every party member rather than just sticking to a select 3 like previous games, in addition to making it a lot easier to keep your teammates balanced and around the same level. i found it really convenient to be able to just switch someone out when they were low on SP compared to having to either leave or use SP recovering items on them. it also made it a lot easier to finish palaces in a single day (if possible).

most of all though, the story telling elements in persona 5 truly live up to the standard set by previous persona games. my god, was the story telling in this game amazing. the foreshadowing was PHENOMENAL. every once in a while i was able to pick up on something small, and then when they pieced all those little things together at the climax HOLY SHIT. i was literally hyperventilating when they flashed back to goro mentioning the pancakes. the part where he first joined the thieves had me second-guessing whether someone else mentioned pancakes in that scene and i was just overthinking it. but when it turned out to be a real thing I WAS SO EXCITED!!!! not to mention the twist of the fucking century with igor being a fake. the entire time the tone of the velvet room felt off compared to the previous games, but it really didn’t become apparent until the true igor returned. once he did, and lavenza became herself again, i seriously almost cried because of how at home i felt in the velvet room. speaking of crying though... this game had me in fuckin tears on so many occasions. the character writing and development is so much. the way it makes you really feel like all the characters are good friends makes me so emotional. it’s such incredible writing, the way it sneaks up on you and before you realize it you’re fighting yaldaboath and you realize how much you love every single character in this game and you don’t want it to end.

now with all that praise out of the way, i do unfortunately have a few qualms with the game as well. 

my firstt issue is how similar the structure of the story is to persona 4. the characters are all quite different, and the environment is drastically different, but the narrative, namely in the latter portion of the game, is strikingly similar to p4. that isn’t necessarily a bad thing per se, p4 is really good and p5 did an excellent job of improving upon something already great, as previously stated. however, due to my familiarity with p4 i was pretty much able to predict how the end of p5 was going to play out, more or less. because of this i actually was convinced that i had to call everyone up again to fight through one more palace on the last day, like with izanami in p4. it’s not the worst thing that they could’ve done, but i guess i just would’ve liked to see them create something a little more different.

now my BIGGEST issue is just a personal thing that im sure not everyone can sympathize with. however, it honestly kind of ruined the end of the game for me. nobody so much as mentions goro after his death. sae brings him up, like, once, and shido talks about him before you fight him, but.. thats it. he wasn’t even in the credits along with everyone else. it honestly broke my fucking heart. it felt like they all forgot about him. goro is my favorite character in the game, so im definitely biased, but still... i would have liked to see them at least bring him up in some of the more climactic moments of the ending, or just had some kind of mention of him other than “he’s missing”. i felt so empty when the game ended. it was a wonderful ending, dont get me wrong. i just... wanted goro to be there. im not saying that he shouldnt have died, (i mean, i would have liked it if he didnt, but it wouldnt have been necessary to make the ending satisfying for me) just that they at least acknowledge him more after his death. idk. maybe im just being nitpicky, but that really dampened the ending for me.

anyways thats it like comment and subscribe thanks

[vikab]

p5 thoughts

After having drawn so much fanart of p5 (most of it being Yusuke) before the game even came out, even with my hype when I started playing on the release date, I only FINALLY finished persona 5 OTL

Below will be my mini-review and thoughts on the game?? spoilers are gonna here on the entire game

Total playtime - 87 hours 40 minutes

OK this is gonna be disorganized mess but i will try to be .. not messy Story: The story unfortunately was very weak :(  Like the game had an AMAZING start and it was tackling really important issues. I really started to care about Ryuji and Ann and their goals. Then Yusuke joins and I thought the game was just heading in perfect direction. Then I felt off during Kaneshiro’s arc as Makoto did not really feel .. really into the whole PT thing?? sorry Makoto fans i love her but she felt rly overrated... anyway Futaba’s arc no doubt was my favorite but then the game really started falling apart. like lets not talk about the whole series of events that were Morgana leaving the team that was straight up BAD. the pacing picked up a bit for the Casino dungeon and it was really intense then its Shido and thing kinda... fell back into this weird pacing ... Ah yes, let’s just wait 20 days to see if Shido has a change of heart or we die. After that the pacing was still all over the place then the huge plottwist happens. I knew about it but still liked it! The last arc had on point emotions and feels so it felt like a good ending to the game.  SEVERE PACING ISSUES KILL THE GAME FOR ME THOUGH.   I get that they still wanted the calendar system but honestly i dont think it worked any huge favors for the game . .. anyway yeah the game started amazing then dropped close to death then picked up again but not as good as the beginning Characters: I have not managed to finish a lot of confidants so near the end the parts where confidants help out it was .. very lacking lol .. . if that part wasnt so depended on the confidants that you have finished.... But overall the characters were good. Pacing of the story and the story itself did not do any justice to them I think and it feels bad bc everyone had so much potential but having a big cast it was obvious that not everyone was getting the attention they deserved Ryuji - good bro and I loved him but the middle part of the game and the constant “we gotta get the girls!” moments were so . . ugh ...  confidant rank and beginning of game ryuji was absolute best though Ann - same goes for her as with ryuji that the beginning of the game was best characterization moment for her. I liked her a lot and she’s pretty bro for female heroine! but the constant fanservice kills me guys Morgana - boy did i dislike morgana for the most of the game. he really felt like teddie 2.0 at times and i just did not have a lot motivation to like him. Last arc of the game tho?? i love morgana??? i wanna cry tbh those parts near the end really resonated with me so my final verdict is that i like morgana a lot now Yusuke - I LOVE THIS BOY. while i get the beef that people have with his recruitment arc (the whole nude modeling thing) I thought it was ok since my interpretation is that he was just pissed and really needed that inspiration he found in ann but idk. otherwise his arc was good but goddamn fuck you atlus for continuously treating him like a weirdo?? PT is supposed to be a gang of misfits and yet even the teammates keep treating him like a weirdo. . that was just really bad like come on  let me kiss yusuke and feed him. also will never forgive atlus for not letting yusuke move into leblanc. He’s a very good character and very level-headed so i love him sm. he has really great moments Makoto - I liked her a lot! i do think she’s a bit overrated and that she doesn’t fit well with PT but I think that’s just the issue with Atlus pacing of the story, because her issues during her recruitment were really good (as in i did feel like she would fit into PT well) Futaba - I LOVE THIS GIRL!! I played with jpn dub which I think does much better justice to her characterization. Her entire arc was so so good and I felt like she was a really solid character going through growth. her confidant was very very good. She has a lot of funny moments and I love her antics with Yusuke. they are the blessed characters of this game. too good for this game. Haru - love her too!!!! she was so nice and sweet but damn atlus did not do her justice at all. she is the “last” party member to join and it is so sad she does not get a lof interaction with PT. like I wish PT interacted with her somehow throughout the game before she joins, be it like help her out sometimes or something bc they go to same school so when she joins later the team dynamic can easily accept her. Goro - we dont talk about goro jk but honestly he was handled bad. his link was automatic and I get why but his initial personality just makes me hate him a lot. he was cool as a party member but not for long. I expect him to appear in spinoffs bc wtf was that ending for him goddamn atlus. i like a lot his potential as a character but everything else? hate Sae was for me quite funny during the interrogation (when you start the confidant parts) but after her casino her involvement in the story I really ended up liking Sae. she’s good Also gonna mention Sojiro bc i love that coffee dad. His dynamic with Futaba and protagonist was extremely good!!! such a solid family. I loved that he finds out the truth and how he handled it. love u sojiro Speaking of protagonist, I really really really wish atlus would ease up on the “silent protagonist” a bit more. for a game as huge as this, the silence does not do justice to the protagonist. idk i just wish there would have been a bit more voice to him and solid characterization other than some off-hand comments that imply the underlying personality. i get the whole “self-insert” part but it sucks stop putting it in games Overall character summary: pacing sucked so characterization suffered a lot. a lot of characters don’t get their time to shine and while I love them a lot it really sucks to see how they were treated. Pacing ruined a lot of things including team dynamic. Palaces: (in chronological order) Kamoshida/Castle - IT SUCKED I HATE IT. being the first freaking dungeon it sure was extremely hard and damn long. also not knowing about the calling car system really hurt lmao. i just hate this dungeon and i got stuck there a lot too Madarame/Art Museum - THE BEST ONE! Honestly I think it is the only palace that really did feel like a heist! It is a very beautiful palace and im probably also biased bc its Yusuke’s arc but this palace was legit fun to get through. Kaneshiro/Bank - it was ok, good music. i don’t really feel much for it and I was just mostly annoyed how long the vault part was. Futaba/Pyramid - I loved it  a lot too! 10/10 music I had a lot of annoyances with coffin shadows and the puzzles for a bit but overall the music and aesthetics really made the palace work well with the story Okumura/Spaceship - we don’t talk about the “lunch break” parts.... overall it was ok and I liked its aesthetic. also the implications about the workers there was good sad material. Sae/Casino - 10/10 music. overall i disliked it a lot bc some of the parts really dragged and I hated gambling in there to progress. Shido/Ship - 10/10 music. overall i liked it / it was ok. the mouse mechanic was a bit fun, the last part being ... 3 boss fights in a row without saving was sure something. 10/10 creepy outside aesthetic of sunken city. Mementos Depths - not to be confused w/ p3/4 style dungeon we know as mementos (which were pretty much mindless fun to progress thru), the depths was ... so good. mostly for the creepy aesthetic 10/10 would suffer again. the music track Freedom and Security, that plays during goro’s bad end credits, plays as the theme for this dungeon and jeez did it make me feel so emo. the parts where you can talk to locked up people who are apathetic to the world just gave me depression and i loved it.. . i didnt really like the later part of it (when tokyo merges with mementos) To rank the palaces overall its:  Art museum > Mementos Depths > Pyramid >> Ruse Cruise > Spaceship > Casino > Bank >>>>>> Castle Gameplay mechanics were very solid and fun. Movement a bit could be clunky (or that’s what i felt like) and stealth mechanic in dungeons was ok. The gameplay has A LOT of attention to detail and i appreciated it a lot. UI was cluttered but it worked and was quite Aesthetic. I think the game would have benefited if the stats weren’t so important to the social aspect or if the calendar system was revamped. Final boss imo was not as bad as P4 but still ... sucked. P3′s final boss fight is still ultimately my favorite. P5 comes close but once again, pacing issues. Protagonist summoning freaking Satanael was cool af though. Honestly my big issue with P5 was the PACING that made the story and characters suck a lot of times but overall the game was extremely solid and memorable.  Of the persona entries i played i think P5 is special so I can’t really rank it. I am really attached to the game despite its heavy flaws that kill me. P3 and P2 are still quite my favorites but P5 is like really close to them so I guess it’s a fave too i love those phantom thieves

[cowboy-butch]

power rangers spoilers under the cut

like.. a few major ones. theyre detailed, i tried to list out possible trigger warnings (bolded) but if you need a specific one message me! proceed with caution :)

it was honestly really funny, there was a lot of wit and sarcasm in many of the jokes and i was constantly laughing. and while there was a more serious vibe with the movie than with what i remember of the show, there were quite a few lighthearted, very sweet moments that made the theater ‘aww’ (the scenes of jake and his mom and how he cared for her were some of the sweetest they made my heart hurt)

some of the dialogue wasnt that great, there were some plot holes that i noticed throughout the movie, and some of the acting wasnt as good as it couldve been, but it was a good movie, it was a good adaptation of the show and a good start to what im guessing is a series? there’s a credit scene where they kinda introduce the green ranger (which the girl next to me was freaking out about it was great)  

the evil witch lady was kinda underwhelming? i wasnt really scared of her, i could tell that she would fuck shit up if she wasnt stopped but the portrayal wasnt really what i expected it to be, which is fine things dont have to be perfect all around, but i hope they get some better, more experienced actors to play the villains next time. the witch’s monster that she creates was kinda scary, there were some intense scenes with the monster and the five that racked up my anxiety lol

i wasnt a devout show watcher, ive seen a few episodes here and there as a kid, but some people have been commenting on the tv/movie references and inside jokes that were in this movie. there were some nostalgic scenes that i remember, “its morphin time!” and the “go go power rangers!” song definitely made me feel like a giddy little kid. this was a revamp but they didnt forget their origin story, they didnt forget where they came from lol

billy (blue) fucking stole the show. he was absolutely amazing. im not autistic, but i follow a few people who are and who talk about it concerning themselves and characters they see as being on the spectrum. so i noticed a few aspects of billy’s character which coincided with what ive read like when jason scott (red) touched him with no warning or consent he asks him to stop, he is constantly building things his whole basement/room is covered in tools and equipment and a big work table, which is what came to my mind as his special interest

when he got excited there was continuity of him clapping his hands and sort of bouncing on his feet, and the most blatant aspect of all; billy confessed to jason that he was on the spectrum, jason didnt seem to understand and made a little joke, and billy went on to say that his brain worked differently than jason’s, that he couldnt understand sarcasm or some humor but that he remembered everything, like /everything/. in the movie he was by far the best developed character in my opinion, it felt like RJ Cyler did a lot of research and listening to build his character to be the best representation that he could make him. (i dont know if this has anything to do with autism or if its just a cute thing billy does, but he cant swear. like something surprised him and he yelled ‘motherf- ah just mother is good’ like he couldnt finish the word. idk i just liked that part of his character)

t warning: okay so there is one scene that could be triggering for some people, so major spoiler here. the villain ends up killing billy ¾ through the movie, the rangers take him back to the main ship to ask their mentor person what to do and if theres any way to save him, but eventually the mentor brings him back to life. i felt slightly uncomfortable during that scene because they killed off their only black and autistic character. i still dont know how to feel about it until i hear from actual black/autistic people but i wanted y’all to know, if seeing that could harm you or trigger you. if you want to avoid seeing that happen to billy, it happens when the five are captured at the docks and its drawn out for a few minutes, i cant remember how many. if someone could accompany you, they could stay in the theater and text or come get you when the scene is over.

OH and something i noticed after the emotional scene mentioned above, billy was being hugged and he was hugging back, but jason walked up to him and kept his distance, letting billy initiate the hug if thats what he wanted to do. jason heard billy’s uncomfortableness in being touch and remembered, and let him have his space and freedom to decide on a hug or not. theyre my new brotp and I LOVE THEM

keep in mind that i dont know everything, i dont have autism so some things most likely shot over my head and didnt register, so im sorry if it did and if what ive told you has been incorrect. you are totally free to correct me if i have been, but i felt like billy was (mostly) treated with care and respect.

so admittedly the gay character reveal was kinda small, i wouldve definitely liked if it was bigger but keeping in mind what the director said in one of his interviews is important.

“For Trini, really she’s questioning a lot about who she is. She hasn’t fully figured it out yet. I think what’s great about that scene and what the scene propels for the rest of the movie is, ‘That’s OK.’ The movie is saying, ‘That’s OK,’ and all of the kids have to own who they are and find their tribe.” xxx

The way it’s revealed sounded as if Trini (yellow) was fresh into figuring out who she is, what her sexuality is, where she fits in society. the five were revealing secrets about one another to get to know each other better and she tells them that she and her family are never in town for long, and she likes it like that because its easier to not have to constantly get to know people, to show them your vulnerable side.

zack (black) made a little joke about ‘boyfriend problems’ which her subtle face expressions rejected, to which he asks ‘girlfriend problems?’ and she seemed unsure. (theres no negative reactions from the others, it does seem to portray the idea that ‘Thats OK’, that her potentially having girlfriend problems is totally okay to the other characters) im not positive in what expression she was conveying, maybe the character wasnt totally sure of her answer herself, but i remember being that way too.

i always asked myself if wondering if i was bisexual was actually just me wanting to fit in with my friends, or if i was trying to get attention from some unknown faceless person. i kept quiet about my thoughts for quite some time, i didnt want to blurt it out while still feeling wildly unconfident about my answer, in case i /was/ vying for attention (i wasnt). so maybe this representation isnt what my present day mostly-out self wouldve liked, but to my past questioning and confused “straight” self, i wouldve related to that uncertainty. i wouldve seen myself in Trini and wouldve cried tbh. if the sequels actually happen (theres a plan for five more movies to be made?? i hope it happens) then i really do hope that we see her sexuality expanded upon as she becomes more comfortable with herself.

(and maybe it was just me but did Trini seem like she had the hots for Kimberly (pink)? id have to watch it again bc a lot of information at one time kinda shocks my brain into a stupor and the details get foggy)

t warning: theres a car crash scene in the very beginning of the movie and one sorta 2/4 of the way where theyre escaping the mining area and connect with a train. after the second crash jason throws up but there isnt any visual, only audio. i cant think of anything else in the movie, so if any of you need to avoid or know about those, i hope this helps.

so these are my thoughts and opinions! if you disagree i totally understand but dont be a jerk about it, you respect me I’ll respect you. i hope y’all have enjoyed my long ass post and if you see the movie i hope you enjoy it!