#dont even get me started on shadow sacrificing himself

[iravinirattu]

ik im late but im playing through kaveh's hangout event and. the haikaveh brainrot is real

since these losers can't do it themselves i am here to offer my translation services ‼️

al haitham you liar. we are in a library using our indoor voices you did NOT hear us.

and even if you did mr. "i hate small talk" why'd u walk over hmm?? hmm??

"dont mind if i ignore you, i've got my earphones in" <- applies to everyone except kaveh

"okay now that i've gotten him distracted tell me what's wrong so i can discreetly fix it"

mans literally sent kaveh away to boost his confidence a bit + find out if he was okay.

"you annoted those books with such long and beautiful notes that eveyone hated lolol anyways check out those shelfs where there's a book with someone appreciating ur notes"

i can't get over how many exceptions al haitham makes for kaveh. he's not heartless and cruel in the way i often see him portrayed... but at the same time his entire demeanor is "i respect you as a person but won't go out of my way to do things for you unless it benefits me"

like he's one of the only characters who isn't super super close with the traveler, at least that's how i see it in the voicelines! he respects them as a friend, would consider doing things for them if they asked, but that's about it really!

but KAVEH. for someone who enjoys a peaceful life and has such a rational and efficient way of working it theoretically makes no sense for him to do all the things he does for kaveh.

like sure "maybe the cheering up kaveh is just to avoid having to deal with him drunk later", but that's too roundabout of a demeanor to be al haitham's style. plus, if he really didn't want to deal with a drunk kaveh, he could just kick him out.

but he doesn't because he cares, and kaveh does not understand that because he has created a vision of what he thinks al haitham is in his head, and in that vision he, kaveh, has no value so why would haitham have him around?? clearly he's got ulterior motives.

and they won't move further until kaveh lets go of that vision, and he can only do that if he truly realises his own worth, and until then haitham's gonna have to keep pushing him towards that from the shadows.

"he overworks himself, it's not healthy. he forgets the practicality of his ideals when he starts something, thinking he can pull through it, but reality hits him halfway. he can keep his ideals, that's fine, but i wish he was a bit more realistic about them."

"and despite all of the above, despite wanting to uphold his artistic integrity, he still puts everyone's needs before his own."

"his approach is too contradictory, and hence people don't see his talent. there are those who's resolve is so brash they are seen as confident and unshakable; and yet he who is more talented than them all falls behind because he's so easy to take advantage of."

al haitham taught me two new words today lol

irascible - someone with a quick temper

paragon - something viewed as a standard

"if he wants things to change he needs to find a balance between compromise and resolve. there is no way to please everyone, but instead of accepting this, he thinks he can nullify it if he takes all the burden instead."

kaveh's altruism stems from his own self-hatred, moreso than his desire to help others. and while doing a good deed puts a smile on his face, the melancholy guilt that trips him when he doesn't is far greater.

"if they are his ideals then i have no right to say anything about them. but he hurts himself so much as a result of that and i wish he would love himself a bit more."

al haitham has a great deal of respect for kaveh, not just as a scholar but as a person. and it's hard watching someone like that dig their own grave, and there's nothing you can do but wait in the sidelines, because they won't believe anything you say.

al haitham is constantly bickering with kaveh to get him to feel a little, challenge his ideals, find a way to make them work without sacrificing himself in return.

"at this poing talking to him is no use, he's convinced himself that his life only has purpose if it's in the hands of others. all people face hardships in life, but he seems to believe he deserves all he gets and more"

and then after kaveh is back he gives him space to talk about things that make him happy, and more importantly, appreciate himself.

how to tell kaveh i want to listen to his silly lil rants without sounding like a sap - al haitham's brain, probably

al haitham knowing all of kaveh's little buttons, and pressing the right ones after determining his mood, so he can show kaveh he loves him but still sound like a bitch.

"you did so well. i am so proud, and i hope you are proud of yourself too."

and sometimes he does click the wrong one, but then immediately goes back on it, becomes soft(er than usual), offers reassurance, changes the topic, and so on

we saw this in the parade of providence event, when kaveh got legitimately upset at one of haitham's remarks and he immediately went into I HAVE UPSET MY BF recovery mode.

and what i love the most in all this is KAVEH'S DUMBASS IS SO OBLIVIOUS TO THIS LMAOOO

but also it's sad because the reason he's oblivious is because he doesn't think he's worth being cared for like that.

haikaveh's whole vibe is "i love you, but i'd much rather you love yourself first" and "i'm your one and only, your only exception, the one you'd break all your rules for" and i love it.

[thefreshprinceofjunes]

soriku endgame: an imagining

OKAY WELL HERE IT IS

TEN WHOLE PAGES OF HOW SORIKU ENDGAME MIGHT ACTUALLY PLAY OUT

i was rewatching vin play RE2 and fsr this invaded my thoughts and wouldnt leave

this is barely proofread and i reused a lot of the same words/phrases BUT its just meant to be an outline/abridged version so keep that in mind

(if i got any lore wrong tho pls let me know)

btw if you dont want to read this on tumblr for whatever reason, heres a link to the google doc

note: this is going off the assumption MoM saw everything (or at least everything soriku) through the gazing eye

scene is quadratum probably. master of masters (or whoever the bad guy in kh4 is) has sora and riku caught in a bad situation (for temporary visuals im picturing something similar to the dark guardian restraining aqua and ven in kh3)

sora and riku are struggling to break free, while the MoM just laughs. some kh dramatic banter occurs, before MoM changes the subject and starts monologuing (with sora and riku probably interjecting here and there)

MoM: [to sora] you still havent figured it out yet, have you?

MoM: dont you ever wonder why rikus heart holds as vast of a darkness as it does?

MoM: its not because of jealousy, or ansem, or even his desire for strength since you were children.

MoM: no, its much simpler than that.

MoM: remember that dream you had, sora? before the islands were destroyed?

MoM: there was a voice speaking to you, from deep within your heart:

MoM: 'the closer you get to the light, the greater your shadow becomes.'

MoM: well, the road goes both ways, kid. the deepest of darknesses can only come from the brightest of lights.

sora: wh-what are you saying?

MoM: its been in front of all along, but you were too blind to see it.

cut to voiceless flashbacks of all the times sora encountered the brightest light: when receiving the keyblade, when almost pulled out of sleep by the memory of aqua on DI, during the dive to heart at the beginning of kh3 (assuming it really happened and wasnt just for gameplay purposes), and after using the power of waking at the KBG (the tunnel scene)

sora looks at riku, then back at MoM. riku is grimacing.

sora: that… that was… that was rikus light?

MoM: bingo!

MoM: but theres even more to it than that.

MoM: theres another force of power in this universe that keeps light and dark in harmony

sora: another…?

MoM: you feel an unfathomable depth of it in your heart for, well, pretty much everyone youve ever met.

MoM: what lies in rikus heart, however, comes from the same place, but is also very, very different. its something you claim to not understand, even though youve encountered it many times during your adventures.

rikus eyes widen and he tries to interject, but the MoM physically stops him; sora calls out for him

MoM: its more than just friendship. its hearts that are really, truly connected between two people.

MoM: think about it. think about all the times when everything seemed hopeless, but something, something, kept the bad guys from winning. it wasnt light.

cut to voiceless flashbacks between many of the disney couples sora has met: the beast arriving at hollow bastion out of sheer force of will in his search for belle, flynn sacrificing himself for rapunzel and her tears bringing him back to life (some shit with will/elizabeth and sam/quorra too maybe idk), and finally, herc gaining his strength back as he rescues megara from styx, followed by herc saying, 'people always do crazy things when theyre in love.'

sora stares ahead at nothing in particular, before wincing in pain; suddenly, a forgotten memory surfaces in his mind (if the convo with NS confirms he hasnt completely forgotten, then its the key details that have been missing):

rikus sacrifice in the KBG

riku calls out for him and struggles, but MoM just laughs so more.

MoM: there, now its coming back to you. and that wasnt the only time riku sacrificed everything for you, yknow, although it was probably the most heroic instance. remember him taking on ansems form to beat roxas? and his dive into your heart to wake you from slumber, despite the tremendous danger? you only met her briefly, but one of the princesses of heart experienced something very similar.

MoM: aurora. maleficent placed a curse on her when she was a baby, causing the princess and the rest of the kingdom to fall into a deep sleep on her 16th birthday. but the heir to a nearby kingdom, prince phillip, valiantly fought his way to the castle, and woke up the sleeping beauty– through a kiss. a kiss, of true… 

MoM trails off and looks at riku, then back at sora, expectantly. riku is still struggling to free himself before the truth is revealed, but its no use.

sora stares off again, before looking MoM in the eyes.

sora: … love…?

MoM does jazz hands and poses.

MoM: ding ding ding ding! we have a winner! it only took you, what, 12, 13 years to figure it out? honestly, i just couldnt stand watching it go on for any longer.

MoM: but, hey, i still have my honor. if im wrong, im more than happy to apologize.

MoM turns to riku then.

MoM: well? am i wrong, riku?

riku doesnt respond, and MoM sighs dramatically.

MoM: still no answer? okay, guess well have to do this the hard way.

MoM starts hurting sora, causing him to cry out in pain while riku watches helplessly 

MoM: come on, riku! do it! use your true strength! unleash the power hidden within your heart!

sora gasps and winces, barely getting out rikus name 

suddenly, theres a bright flash of pink energy (maybe rikus eyes also turn dream eater pink too?)

(if the power of love is too cheesy even for kh, then maybe its a black and white darkness/light combo attack)

riku breaks free of whatever MoM did to him, and then channels the energy through his arm, blasting it through soras restraints.

unfortunately, sora was being held in the air, and starts to fall– but in the blink of eye, riku is there to catch him in his arms.

MoM laughs in triumph and draws back slightly.

MoM: there we go!

MoM then shrugs.

MoM: well, this was fun, but ive got places to be. and im sure you two have a lot to talk about. toodles!

MoM disappears, leaving sora and riku in stunned silence.

after a moment, riku sets sora down and turns away from him, avoiding soras gaze.

sora meanwhile takes a second to catch his breath, before staring at riku with wide eyes.

sora: r… riku… is… is that...? is that really… how you feel?

riku clenches his fists at his sides and stays turned away. after a pause, he responds.

riku: … even if it is, it doesnt matter.

sora: what do you mean?

riku: i know… im not the one for you.

riku takes a deep breath.

riku: … when you were put to sleep for a year to fix your memories, some of them found their way into xion. they happened to be your most important memories– the ones you couldnt wake up without.

riku: those… were your memories of kairi. and xion took on her appearance because of them.

sora is stunned, only having been vaguely made aware of what happened in that year.

sora: k… kairi?

riku nods solemnly.

riku: yeah. and the only reason your memories got messed with in the first place is because the organization forced namine to make herself the person most important to you, instead of kairi.

sora pauses.

sora: you mean… castle oblivion.

riku nods again.

sora watches, before feeling a pain in his heart and grabbing at his chest instinctively.

underneath his hand, he can feel the cold metal of his crown necklace.

and thats when it finally clicks.

everything blurs, and theres a sudden rush of memories.

(maybe a memory sequence that you actually play through?)

sora, holding kairis wayfinder in castle oblivion. suddenly, the memory gets static-y, like during soras memory restoration.

cut to namine confessing to sora shes not the girl he cares about– but every time the word is feminine, its distorted by video static. (this is how we fix the aitsu thing)

"no. the g̸͓̦͙̫̮̦̠͗͐͗̊͑̕͝i̷͖̝̝̱̐ͅͅŗ̸̄̆̓̆̊̄̿l̶̮͉̦͓͔̹̀̂͗͝ͅ you care about...the one who was always with you... its not me. its ḧ̴̳͔̻̾̇e̵͚͂̀r̸̺̣̠̓̂̀̚."

cut to namine speaking to sora before he goes to sleep.

“but theres another promise you made—a promise to someone you could never replace. s̵̹̀͗͜h̷͇͇͌̆̐e̷̡̛̱'̷̦̆s̵̫͖̦̄̈̄ your light. the light within the darkness. if you can remember h̷̼̼̜͚͒e̸̢̡̤̹̬͖͐̒͒̾r̸͓̣̜̼̜̠͚͂̋̃...all the memories lost in the shadows of your heart will come into the light."

cut to a flashback of repliku talking about their shared promise. again, the feminine words are indecipherable.

"there was a meteor shower one night when s̶̳̄͑̆̅̆͗h̴͍̞͖͙͑̔̋̈́̎̈̾ę̷̧̰̰̖̝͆̆̕̚ and i were little... n̸̨̙̼͑̽ả̴̗͕̮́͊͝m̴̻̳͚̒i̸̳̟͑n̶̡̥̋̑̌é̸͍̦͑͐͋́ got scared and said, what if a shooting star hits the islands? so i told ḧ̷̡̬̽̅͆̊ė̸̙̩̠̥̿̃̚͠r̶̛̥̻̖̉̾̽͝, if a shooting star comes this way, ill protect you! and then—"

cut back to the memory pod.

"look at the g̴̬͛̄̚͘ŏ̴̞̙̰̍͂̀ö̴̘̥̗̱̐͋͆ͅď̷̨͙̙̩̓́͝ ̸̢̋̈́̂̚ļ̷̯̥̲̪̐̋͌̾̚ṵ̵̼̥̥͖̎c̸̱̟̹̚ķ̸̭̱̖̓̇ͅ ̷͇̳̃̑́͑͐͜ͅc̸̢̤̈̈́̊̚̕h̵̙̗̓͊̾ͅą̷̣̮̞̾̈́r̶̜̜͓̥̀́͋͝m̸̺̖͈̖͓̊̀̕. i changed its shape when i changed your memory. but when you thought of ẖ̴͚̙̆ȅ̴̡̛̞̲̥̼̋͐r̸̹̱̐, it went back to the way it was."

finally, a few more lines from namine.

"remembering one thing leads to remembering another, and then another... your memories are connected, like links in a chain. those same chains are what anchor us all together. i dont destroy memories. i just take apart the links and rearrange them. you still have all your memories."

cut back to sora in the real world. everything is still blurry, but now rikus voice can be heard in the background calling for him, distorted.

and then, a flash of light.

nighttime. its still. everything is quiet and peaceful.

young sora and riku are walking back from the beach.

suddenly, theres a bright streak across the sky. 

sora and riku both gasp.

then, another. and another. and another.

the night of the meteor shower.

riku watches the sky in amazement– until he feels a tug on his arm.

he glances at his side and sees sora, utterly terrified and clinging on to him for dear life.

sora: wahhhh!! r-r-riku, the sky is falling!!

riku laughs.

riku: no, those are shooting stars. theyre way up high in the sky.

sora however is not convinced, and keeps shaking as tears start to well up in his eyes.

sora: b-but…! theres so many of them. and theyre so fast!! what if a shooting star hits the islands?!

the reality of soras mood finally sets in, and riku is left staring as he tries to think of what to do.

hanging from his pocket is his wooden sword.

the words of the man with the real sword echo in his mind:

“no more borders around, or below, or above, so long as you champion the ones you love."

riku grabs his sword then and holds it up to the sky as he looks at sora, courage glinting in his eyes.

riku: if a shooting star comes this way, ill protect you! ill hit it right back into outer space!

sora sniffles as he watches riku swing the sword around.

sora: r-really?

riku nods his head confidently.

riku: i will. i promise!

after a moment of thought, riku reaches into his pocket and pulls out a silver chain with a crown dangling from the end.

riku: here. take this. i found it the other day.

with the magic of cutscene, riku somehow turns the chain into a necklace, and then reaches over to hang it around soras neck.

riku: whenever you get scared, all you have to do is look at this, and remember that ill always be there to protect you. no matter what.

tears run down soras face as he looks at the necklace.

the voice of the strange girl theyd met before rings through his mind:

"so then if something happens, and riku is about to get lost—or say, he starts wandering down a dark path alone—you make sure to stay with him and keep him safe. thats your job, sora, and im counting on you to do it, okay?"

sora gulps and then reaches out to grab rikus free hand in both of his own. riku is surprised by this.

sora: ill… ill protect you too! i-i know im not as strong as you, but ill… ill try! i promise!

riku is taken aback for a moment, before he smiles gently at sora.

riku: … thanks, sora.

afterward, a multitude of quick flashbacks to all the times sora and riku protected each other, culminating in seeing the KBG sacrifice one more time.

fade to back.

in a hotel room (or smth similar), sora suddenly sits up straight in a bed, heart beating rapidly.

sora: riku!

(paralleling when riku called out for him after waking up from the dive into his heart in ddd)

riku has been seated at the edge of the bed, waiting and worrying. when he realizes soras awake, he scoots down the bed towards him.

riku: sora! youre okay!

after catching his breath, sora looks around the room, confused.

sora: … what… happened?

riku: you passed out, so i brought you here. how are you feeling?

sora puts a hand to his head, grimacing slightly at his pulsing headache. but that doesnt matter right now.

sora: im… im fine. listen, riku… i saw… i saw some of the things that happened at CO.

rikus eyes widen.

riku: you did?

sora: yeah. i saw you… well, a version of you. and namine. namine…

sora looks into rikus eyes.

sora: she… she was wrong. or… maybe i was wrong, and she just played along for my sake…

riku: huh? what are you talking about?

sora swallows as his voice starts shaking, just a little.

sora: kairi… kairi wasnt the one most special to me. you were. i remember… i remember the night of the meteor shower.

sora clutches at the crown necklace.

sora: all this time, id thought id remembered everything important… but i forgot about it. [sighs] im sorry, riku

riku stays quiet for a moment, before putting on a forced smile.

riku: its fine, sora. we were little kids.

sora frowns.

sora: but… you never forgot, did you?

riku shrugs, and theres a moment of silence between them, before riku speaks again.

riku: maybe i was the one most important to you back then, but its not the same now. thats alright. im just happy to be your friend. i know how you feel about kai-

sora suddenly moves forward, closer to riku, now yelling as he cuts him off.

sora: i get to decide how i feel, riku! its my heart!

riku is taken aback at the shouting, and stares in shock. sora realizes hes gotten loud, and takes a moment to calm down.

dearly beloved starts to play in the bg

sora: i… i know now. maybe it took me a long time, but… i figured it out. the person most important to me… all along, its been you.

riku freezes up in pure shock. he cant believe what hes hearing. hed talked himself out of hoping for this day long ago.

sora finally smiles again.

sora: youre the one i love.

(paralleling prince eric with ariel)

BOOM FIREWORKS MAGIC SORIKU ENDGAME

riku is absolute speechless, staring at sora with his mouth agape.

sora gives riku a sheepish grin, now growing nervous at the lack of a response.

sora: and… im the one you love… right?

after a second, riku returns soras smile– and, for the very first time in the series, starts crying.

he nods, shakily.

riku: … yeah. yeah, i do. i always have.

riku wipes at his eyes to stop crying, but its futile. the tears flow even harder.

sora feels himself start crying, too, but hes laughing at the same time.

he pulls riku into a hug, grabbing his upper back tightly.

without any hesitation whatsover, riku returns the embrace, holding onto sora in the same way.

(like so [sora in orange, riku in teal])

fade to black.

then they kill the MoM, get married, and live happily ever after. the end. :)

love balancing light and dark is largely taken from these tags by @osrinlore on this video of mine btw:

[sagethegremlin]

Name the Sonic character you 1) personally like the most, 2) think has the best potential, and 3) think is actually the most well written/used, and if those three aren't all the same, explain why >:3

Techno, I accept your challenge c:<

(Also I should preface this by saying I haven't read through archie yet)

I've been rotating between Tails and Shadow for a while, but I think I've officially decided on Shadow. His character arc throughout adventure 2 through 06, his dynamic with Team Dark, the way he struggled to get a grip on his reality, his connection with Maria, there's just so much there! :D And OUGH I'm having such a hard time articulating my thoughts on this but Shadow <3

SILVER! SILVER SILVER SILVER!!! OUGH THERE IS JUST SO MUCH GOING ON WITH HIM! Where did he come from? What is it like for him to witness the world around him change every time something bad happens? To watch the beautiful world around him turn into a deserted wasteland? What is the origin of his friendship with Blaze??? 06 decanonized itself and I don't recall an origin story within the rivals games, so how did they meet and what is it like to maintain that friendship? Just what is it like to live in a life like his? HIS WHOLE THING IS HOW HE'S OPTIMISTIC EVEN WHEN THERE IS NO HOPE HOW DID HE ADOPT THAT INTO HIS BELIEFS AND THE IMPLICATIONS OF HIM KEEPING HOPE WITH HIM EVEN THOUGH HE MOST LIKELY GREW UP ALONE AND HOW MUCH DO THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM EVEN KNOW WHAT HE'S DONE FOR THEM SEGA I AM VIOLENTLY SHAKING YOU BY THE SHOULDERS WHERE IS MY SILVER CENTRIC GAME I NEED IT

This is honestly the hardest question you could have presented me with. Especially considering most of my faves don't even remotely qualify. But I think I'd like to go with Gamma for this one. Just. Gamma dude. Everything about him is perfect (dont even get me STARTED on leitmotifs), and he might be one of if not my favorite "robot goes against their creator" stories. And who even knows? The world will never know what Gamma did. None of the characters know what Gamma did to reunite that family of flickies, except for maybe the flickies themselves. He sacrificed himself for something that he didn't compute. You just don't get better than that.

[heading-down-to-georgia]

Something I love about the four swords fandom is how we have collectively decided to ignore the canonical ending of the manga. Like I love that we all have different ideas about how/why the four end up staying split rather than merging back into Link again after defeating Vaati

I remember being so upset after finishing the manga for the first time that these characters I loved had sort of stopped existing? (especially after Shadow sacrificing himself/getting stuck in Link's shadow???) And then there was the relief of going online and getting to see other people making stuff about these characters continuing to stay separate people! And going on more adventures! Or simply spending time together!! Not to mention all the amazing AUs people come up with that doesn't involve them being the same person at all!

I guess what I'm saying is that I find it both hilarious and awesome that as a fandom we have kept these characters alive for the sake of the found-family trope, and have all found different ways of doing it

[cynettic]

Stay with Me pt.3

Summary - You manage to escape from Scaramouche, if only for a moment before you realize there’s no escape. It only takes until you’re sitting back in your regular spot that you know what you need to do.

Pairings - Kitsune!Reader x Yan!Scaramouche

Warnings - Suggestive content, mentions of death, swearing, slight gore / blood 

A/N - Its really hard to make this depressing while I’m vibing to Rasputin. Like no joke- I have it on one of the 1 hour playlists :D

Here you’ll find -  pt.1 and pt.2

He’d left a key.

Scaramouche didnt make mistakes, not while he had you captive in the vicinity of his bedroom. He didnt have room for mistakes, not when you were watching his every movement while he was in your line of sight. 

Sure, he mightve killed a person or two in front of you, but those were necessary mistakes. There was a sign on the door, it specified not to enter. You’d understand that, right?

Thats what he thought at least, lulling himself into belief after belief that you’d be there waiting for him every time. That you’d welcome him with open arms, even if there were chains ensnaring your wrists. That you’d accept your fate at his hands and submit yourself to him.

The Balladeer was a fool.

He’d kept you there for too long, and while you searched for an easy way to escape, time sent your head spinning. Into a spiral that begged only for the wind against your face, back laying on dirt with the familiar chirping up birds waking you up in the morning.

You wanted to go outside.

And when push comes to shove, you had to risk a little more to make it happen. Lure him into bed with kisses while your hands unbuttoned his vest. But what he believed to be alluring contacts was just your way of finding the keys hidden in the back pocket of his shorts.

It wasnt hard to find the one to your cuffs while he was asleep, cuddled in your chest with both arms around your waist as if to get you to stay put. You took the key, hiding them back in his clothing and hoping he didnt notice.

He didnt say anything the next day.

You werent going to wait any longer.

“Oh for fucks sake, why won't the goddamn door open?”

The room was left in tatters behind you, a little gift for Scaramouche once he got back. Turns out a pair of chains can smash up a lot of things, and rage can be used as a great source of strength when contained for such a long time.

But you’d done more than throw the blankets around, cut up the drawers and smash open the windows. Because your fists had bled red when you punched through the glass, puncturing your skin. Your knuckles were an ugly red, bruising already.

Ah, Scaramouche deserved a much better gift.

Gruesome as it was, you rubbed your knuckles against the pale walls. Till the blood stopped coming, till there was a nice little message for the boy which you held so dearly to your heart.

‘Balladeer.’

The first time you’d found out about him being a harbinger he’d told you not to call him by that name. You weren’t someone he associated with by work, you were a treasure to him. That’s why you continued to call him as he pleased, although the temptation always arose.

You were no longer his.

Shoving the door with your hand again, palm fiddling with the handle and groaning when it hardly budged. “Stupid,” you grumbled when the knob began to loosen. Backing up, you charged with your shoulder to the door, full force as the momentum broke the hinges. The door fell down with you along with it.

It was expected, you’d been stuck in the room for a long time, and thats considering you’d sat on the ground for decades. Your body was slight numb, muscles sore and unused for so long. 

“You a-arent supposed to leave your room!”

A young man stood in the hallway along with a woman who looked relatively the same age. The two were wearing uniforms, flinching when you stood up from the debris and off the door. “Excuse me?” You asked, voice unnecessarily icy and stern. But you couldnt care less, you were going to get out of this house, damn anyone who stood in your way.

They both continued to shake when you walked towards them, staggering from side to side. The woman stepped up in front of the man, presenting a brave face. “If you leave the mansion, the harbinger will kill us all!”

“Well then I expect you should be on your way then. Actually…” you gestured to the maze of hallways. “You can lead the way.”

“What…?”

Your hand went limp to your side, an exasperated looking momentarily crossing your face before you sighed. “Im not staying trapped in that room, I’m sorry if that ruins your life, but frankly you're not the one stuck in there are you?” You took an extra step just to intimidate them, eyes wide to make the appearance of crazy. “It would be a great help if you showed me where he hid my vision too.”

“We can show you to the door…” The man began, “But the whereabouts of your vision are unknown, he wouldnt tell us something like that.”

A gift bestowed from the gods, a piece to help me thrive with my ambitions and pursue my goals.

Gone.

You really wished you’d taken to clawing out Scaramouche’s face instead, but you’d take what you got. Right now your main priority was getting out of this place, even if it meant leaving a piece of you behind.

“Door.” Your voice was raspy and there was a terrible feeling that crawled up to your throat, but you didnt have time to be emotional. “Show me where the door is… please.”

The conflict in their eyes dissipates by the time they lead you along, mumbling words between themselves. You didnt bother to try eavesdropping, you were so, so tired. You wanted to go home.

Anywhere. Anywhere but here.

It took a few minutes until you were standing in front of a grand door, almost twice the size of you and just as wide. You then began to notice the decorational plants and furniture that filled the empty space, there wasn't an inch of dust. Even though you could tell none of it was used.

“Hurry,” the man warned when you paused. “I dont know when our master is coming back, but if its soon, we’ll all be screwed.”

You couldnt feel your head as you numbly nodded, hand clenching the knob and flinging the set of doors open. “Thank you,” you merely mumbled, taking your first step out of the house in what felt like forever.

The days after that were a blur, the area around Scaramouche’s house were nothing but void. Empty and filled with forests and vast plains. You knew he didnt like people or socializing in general, but to this extent?

Your only option was to run.

Let your feet take you somewhere, anywhere. It was a constant pattern of running and taking breaks, leaning on a tree and gasping in a few breaths before you were again scurrying through the forest. 

And yet you felt better than you’d felt in past months that you’d been stuck with Scaramouche.

Food became any boar you came across, the claws you’d spent so long hiding with Scaramouche coming to unleash a wrath beyond your comprehension. Till the animal was cut to shreds and no meat was left even to eat. You’d slaughtered it, without intention to eat or benefit for it, you’d killed it just to kill.

“I’m sorry,” you’d sobbed into the ground where you’d buried the harmless animal. Forehead pressed into the dirt as you pleaded for forgiveness to whatever archons would accept it. You couldn't even remember what archons you were supposed to pray to. “Forgive me- forgive me…”

But eventually you found your way around to somewhere you knew. Territory of Inazuma where you could find your way back, back home.

Where was home?

You’d been on the run from the vision hunt decree, abandoning your post for the Kitsune Saiguu for such a thing. Even now that you could return without a vision and as no threat under the decree…

You’d sacrificed everything for your vision.

Where were you to go now…?

Rain patted down, the trees providing only a slight cover as stray drops fell into your matted dirty hair. You didnt mind, it hid the tears that slid down your lifeless face, feet taking you into the far meadows of your hometown. Till you plopped down underneath a tree, knees curled to your chest and arms hugging them close. You were crying.

You were home.

____________________

“Awh,” a ginger haired murmured, elbow resting on the cool wood of the tabletop. “Is little Mouchie sad? I heard your kitty cat escaped~”

A death wish, even fatui that idly minded themselves around the bar knew it. Sipping cold drinks and swirling their cups, the soft chatter was nothing but a distraction from the main course of events. That being the smaller Harbinger who sat sulking in his seat, hunched over with a drink in hand. He’d drank far more than what was on the counter, but everytime he finished a glass, he’d smash it on the ground, watching the fragile glass shatter into pieces.

“I dont have a cat,'' was his only response, tone daring Childe to pursue further. To give him a reason to start throwing the glass in his face instead.

And Childe was an idiot when it came to challenging someone.

“No cat?” The rest of the drink in the taller harbinger’s glass was gone when he threw his head back. “Hmmm, I cant think of what else could’ve had you so enraptured in returning home then~!”

Scaramouche didnt respond, uneven bangs shadowing the bags under his eyes. “Stronger,” he said instead, elbow on the counter and hand outstretched for something. When there was no movement from the man managing the wine, the harbinger looked up. “I need something stronger to drink,” he repeated, voice seething.

“Of c-course!”

The glass was nestled in Scaramouche’s palm in no time, fingers curling around the circular form to down it in seconds. The drink merely slid down his throat in one movement, alcohol burning his senses. It didn’t matter, he was numbed by the growing rage inside of him.

Finally, he turned to the ginger haired boy, eyes hazily dancing along the counter till it reached his fingertips. Up his hand and along his arm, till Scaramouche was staring right into Childe’s eyes. “They escaped,” he admitted softly. “But it’s alright, because I sent something that’ll bring them back.”

Childe paused, raising his drink up away from his lips to pose a question. Hesitation danced along his features before he brought the glass back, he’d rather not provoke the shorter male any further. Wasn’t like he could interfere anyway.

____________________

“That… that…” 

It was preposterous, having returned to that same spot for a day or two and heading back to the hometown you’d once lived in. The one Scaramouche had lived in. There shouldn’t have been an issue, you were solely gathering supplies for the sake of it, ambition driving you to travel far far away.

Out of Inazuma.

It was your new beginning, convincing yourself that you didn't need a vision. Finding some sort of purpose before Scaramouche shattered the vision and your life along with it. You’d seen how people had reacted when it had been ingrained in the statue, neutralized and broken. They lost hope, purpose and aspirations for anything new.

It’s not like the Raiden Shogun took my vision.

But you’d taken that fact for granted, expecting some sort of new start without Scaramouche. A victory, getting away from him just for a split second and getting out of Inazuma altogether, you’d never see him again.

Until you got his message.

“How the hell…” You crushed the note until it was just crumbled paper in your hand, slowly leaning on the stone wall. “Piece of shit… what kind of person even…” 

Not only did he manage to find you, but without making his presence known, he’d tugged at your one weakness with an ease that had you down on your knees.

You threw the paper to the ground, deliberate as you stared past the alleyway. Pensive as you considered your options. Damn, what options did you even have? You’d been an idiot to underestimate Scaramouche, he wasn’t a child, you knew that… but archons he seemed like one when he was with you. Shown you a vulnerability he wanted only you to see. But maybe that had been part of his plan all along, until all you believed was his soft demeanor.

He may act like a child, but he’s a harbinger.

You stared down at the crumbled piece of paper in disgust.

Not only that, but he has no regard for human life.

Either way, you’d lived decades more than him. You could face him, you would present yourself to him just as he expected you to. Even when everything in you rejected the idea, sobbed at the thought of returning to that house, those chains. Being locked up and confined only for the purpose of coddling a small boy, a selfish boy, a cruel boy. 

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

You’d figure out a way, and this time you wouldn’t rule out the option of his death.

———————

Oh darling Y/n, how have you been?

I hope this letter reaches you rather soon, we both have much to discuss, no? About me, about you, and much more. You see, I’ve taken up quite a distaste to your little friends. Stone statues in Inazuma as small as Kitsunes truly hold no purpose, what will they do, come back to life? Haha, I should think not. I’ve already arranged to have them demolished, who knows what kind of material they might possess. Ah, and of course I’d show you the finishing product, unless you’re willing to come and have a chat with me once more? Under the Sakura tree like we used to, you’ve waited years, I believe you can wait for me?

I hope this letter reaches you in best interests. I’m always looking out for you after all.

Sincerely, your Balladeer

——————

It was raining.

Beautiful weather as you lay sitting there, feet crossed and tucked in the same you’d often do. After all, there was no need to fear the vision hunt decree or the Raiden Shogun. Let them come, let them take care of you before Scaramouche did.

You werent cold, not when the cold drops dampened your clothing, slipping down the length of your spine and drenching your face. Despite having lived in a luxury residency for such a long time, this was where you were most comfortable, enduring whatever the weather had for you, taking it with a smile. Because you were waiting…

The Kitsune Saiguu was a distant memory.

You were waiting for Scaramouche, the young boy that often bound into the field in lengthy strides, childlike wonder in his eyes. The one who’d cried when the other kids pushed him away, the one that just wanted to be praised. You’d held him in your arms, and now, even knowing the results, you wouldnt have done differently.

He was just a boy.

Just a boy when he joined the fatui, looking for praise that he was given. He created chaos and bellowed orders with a cruelty that was highly looked upon. Told that he was doing well, so he continued to do so.

He’s just a boy.

You wished you’d held him in your arms, if not only for a tad longer. Shield him away from the wrongness of the world, if only for one last time.

Banishing away your hatred for him was hard.

But you found it under the tree, rain soon dimming down to a clouded cold breeze that swept through the meadow. You’d hated him while stuck in the mansion, but you could now see it from a larger point of view. What he did was wrong of course, but you could remember him so vividly now. His small form giggling, tiny arms around your neck. 

“Play with me!”

Was it your fault?

For not holding him tighter? For trying to rectify his bad doings and teach him what was wrong and right? Maybe if your grip was firmer, if you’d spoken to him about the warmth he’d given you that day when playing cards...

“Lazy ass.”

Burying down that pile of worry and insecurities, you took a deep breath in to relax. The edge of your lip perked up, only slightly. “Still terrible with your social skills arent you?”

Slowly securing a dry space under the three with you, Scaramouche sat down. His features were the same ones you’d grown accustomed to at his mansion. Rich clothes, sharp eyes, and the baby face that refused to go away. His movements were soft as he pulled out a deck of cards. The two of you didnt speak as he distributed them between you both. It was tense… no, it felt too much like the warmth form long ago to be tense. You only wished the situation to be different.

“I love you.”

But you could only offer a bitter smile to his words. “I love my vision,” you replied. “I love the Kitsune Saiguu, and I love my friends.”

His touch was gentle when his fingers came to gently cradle your cheek. Holding your face dearly as he peered into your eyes, his were soft. Different from the cruelty he held within, the hatred that burned and destruction that seeked to explode.

You saw a little boy.

Your hand came to press his hand further against your cheek, till you slid his palm to your lips. He appeared so calm when you pressed the first kiss, lips tracing the lines along his palm with all the care in the world.

But you needed to change your view, see him as the man he now was. As the man he had become.

“I love you,” he repeated, and you let go of his hand. It fell limp by his side, cards all but forgotten. There was a much more pressing matter at hand, because you truly needed to see him as he was.

It was necessary if you planned to kill him.

[nimsajlove]

road to recovery (II/?)

Second part, I dont really know WHAT this is. But it still ended up here, so you jugde it.

Ao3     Brothers-AU          Part I , Part III

*~*

„That's it for today, let's set up the camp.“, Cody instructed over the com, general relief and approval got back to him and the men crashed down, right where they were standing. The few shinys they had with them were careful to set up the tents immediately. The older clones watched them for a few seconds, amused, and Cody finally took pity on them. „Put that stuff away and sit down for a moment. This is not going to be rated by anyone.“, he instructed the younger ones and reluctantly they let go of their tasks.

Cody watched with a smile as the men gathered in groups to take a few minutes to breath, he was about to do the same and had just put his backpack down when his communicator flashed. Huh, so was the cruiser back? Unusual, the Admiral had planned to stay away for at least two more rotations. He took the call, an unexpected voice greeted him. „Commander Cody, I hope it's going well with the new men.“ It sounded like Plo Koon was smiling. Cody was never quite sure about that, the General rarely sounded worried or restless. He always seemed to be at peace. „General Plo Koon, what can I do for you?“, Cody answered and decided that he could sit down despite the conversation. „Nothing for me Commander, but I'm here to do a favor for Ahsoka.“, Plo Koon admitted. Ah, things got a little clearer now. Cody didn't know much about what Ahsoka had to do in the Jedi Temple. But he knew she hadn't left the temple walls in weeks. A message from Rex, full of concern for the young woman, had also made Cody thoughtful. „She convinced the council to send Kenobi back to you. The shuttle is just getting ready to take off.“, Plo Koon explained when Cody didn't react immediately.

That was good! Even if this was more of an enjoyable hunt than a battlefield, the presence of the General would lift the spirits of the men even further. Hardly thought through, a fine drizzle set in and sullenly Cody glanced up at the darkening sky, which peered through the canopy of leaves. In a short period of time, the rain would continue to pick up and guaranteed not to stop at night. It made the nights on that moon surprisingly cold. The men around him began to pitch the tents and Cody remembered the blank look General Kenobi had had when he left a few days ago. „Is there anything I and the men should watch out for?“, Cody asked and he heard a low murmur on the other end, was that Wolffe? „I think you will know best how to handle him, that is all.“, Plo Koon replied. „Got it, General.“, Cody muttered thoughtfully and cut the connection. That was... not particularly helpful. So was Kenobi's condition unchanged?

Cody was about to take off his helmet when a message appeared. Cody fixed the little icon and it opened.

‚The General is not sure himself. Tano seems to be the only one to know whats going on.‘

So Wolffe was there after all! It was disturbing that the Jedi could not assess the condition of one of their own. On the other hand, it was kind of nothing new after so many suicide missions they had sent Kenobi on... If Kenobi was still as moody and slow as he was a few days ago, then Cody had to keep as much stress away from him as possible . He looked around, took off his helmet and put it next to his backpack. Then he went to help with the tents.

*~*

The last tent was up, the rain had gotten heavier and pattered relentlessly on Cody's helmet. Even though he was leaning directly against a tree. He wondered briefly if he should wait outside any longer, when a noise caught his attention. He looked up hastily and took a few steps away from the tree, a shuttle flew over the camp and landed in the small clearing on the edge of which Cody was standing. As soon as it touched down, the door opened and the ramp extended.

Kenobi wasn't the first figure Cody saw. In fact, it was a different, familiar face. Echo took a step forward on the ramp before waiting and looking back. The Jedi appeared behind him, Cody saw at first glance that his condition had only worsened. He moved slowly, his shoulders pulled forward and his hands hanging limply by his sides. Kenobi followed Echo and as he approached, Cody saw the deep shadows under the Jedi's eyes. „General.“, Cody greeted him carefully and Kenobi nodded once. Echo approached Cody and handed him a datapad, so was he just a messenger? „Wolffe had asked me to accompany him, and on the occasion Ahsoka thought I would give you all the information about the enemy positions that she could find here.“, the ARC explainedand although his calm voice sounded forced. There was deep concern in his eyes. It was clear that Kenobi's condition had caught his eye too. „Thanks, I'll take care of everything.“, Cody muttered, taking another look at his General, Echo nodded and turned back. Cody waited until he disappeared into the shuttle and took off again. Only then did he fully turn to Kenobi.

On closer inspection, the General didn't just look tired. His cheeks looked thinner than a few weeks ago. A development that he had been watching concerned for some time. And nothing seemed to have improved in his absence! The reddish hair stuck close to Kenobis skull, the rain had soaked the General in no time. An annoying quirk of the place, Cody liked it less and less. Maybe he should just make sure that Kenobi got dry as soon as possible... „Sir, we've set up a place to sleep for you.“, Cody started carefully and when the Jedi slowly nodded, he waited. But instead of answering, he just pulled a stiff hand from the folds of his cloak and told Cody to go ahead. He did so hesitantly, every few steps he glanced over his shoulder. The General didn't walk right next to him, as usual. No, he trudged a few steps behind Cody, placing his feet so unevenly that Cody feared he would fall. Where was the great General Kenobi? This was worse than any injury, any period of insomnia Kenobi had had during the war. And Cody knew exactly when the Jedi was sleeping and when not! He had spent an eternity studying Obi Wan Kenobi and knew the difference between a wakeful look and the soft shadows that did not disappear even after long meditation.

Kenobi didn't even look like he was meditating at the moment. He was just... empty. From the glassy gaze that was dull on the floor to the sagging shoulders. Oh, thank the maker that the men were already in their tents. Cody himself probably wouldn't sleep that night, he had sacrificed his tent for his General and would just make sure that the Jedi would actually sleep. Then he would find a nice tree for himself, hide from the rain, and study Ahsoka's plans. This was exactly how the evening would go and no different!

Cody quickly threw these plans overboard when he opend the entry of the tent and Kenobi looked at him confused. „This is not my tent.“, stated the Jedi, so he was still mentally present after all. Impressive. „Right Sir, this is mine. We don't have yours with us, so you will stay here.“, Cody explained and when Kenobi still looked at him confused, without moving, he reconsidered his judgment on the General's condition. His eyes seemed even more glassy than a few moments ago. And he was still wet. Sighing, Cody put a hand on the Jedi's shoulder and pushed him into the tent, then locked the entrance behind him. There was a soft splash and Cody whirled around, Kenobi was sitting on the floor in his wet clothes and didn't seem to notice that he was shaking.

Great, Plo Koon could have mentioned that Kenobi's condition had gotten worse. A little uncertainly, Cody took off his helmet and put it on the floor next to the entrance so that he wouldn't forget it later. Kenobi shifted a bit and whatever he was trying to do, it seemed to cost energy. The tremors got worse, if Cody didn't intervene... „Sir, we put a set of Blacks aside for you.“, Cody muttered and approached his General, he had noticed that Kenobi was traveling without luggage. Again. Cody would contact the Admiral at the earliest opportunity to get some things from Kenobi's quarters. Kenobi didn't react, so he put a hand on the Jedi's shoulder and squeezed lightly, he looked up. At least something! „It's okay, I just have to keep an eye on her...“, the Jedi muttered. Cody didn't understand any of it. Wow, something new. Couldn't the Jedi speak clearly? But this was HIS Jedi, so it would be worth a try… „Her?“, Cody asked carefully and crouched down so he brought himself to Kenobi's eye level. The General's gaze seemed far away. „Ahsoka.“ So that was the simple answer, Kenobi wanted to keep protecting her despite the huge distance between him and Ahsoka Tano? There was no longer any reason to do so, the war was over and Ahsoka was bound to new duties in the temple. At least for now. Besides, the girl was great at taking care of herself!

Cody sent a quick prayer to whoever and asked for a little more patience, this would probably be his job for quite some time. Taking care of his lost Jedi. He had to admit there were worse things than getting your own General back on his feet. But there was something in him that didn't like it when Kenobi looked at him blankly. It almost hurt. He knew the feeling, mostly it occurred when Kenobi was floating in a bacta tank for more than 24 hours and Cody had no choice but to trust the technology and medics. Maybe it was the helplessness that always came over him. Maybe not. There were more important puzzles to be solved now. For example, whether the death of Skywalker really had grown such strong fear of loss in Kenobi. Cody eyed his General one more time and decided, yes. „She is in the temple, safe. As soon as she moves, Rex knows it.“, Cody tried to get rid of the fear. Chaos in his head, infinite calm in his voice. He had always been able to do that. Kenobi still didn't move, okay. Fine. Then Cody would have to resort to good old trooper methods now. “I'm sorry Sir, you are not a shiny. But you act like one, so…”, Cody muttered, reaching with his hands under Kenobi's arms, heaving him back onto his feet. The Jedi swayed briefly, then caught himself and rubbed his face with one hand. That was still soaking wet! Kriff.

With one hand, Cody supported Kenobi at the elbow, he didn't trust the Jedi's legs, with the other he grabbed the clothes that he had put aside for the General. Ah, a medic had been so free to contribute a towel. Very nice. "Change, now.", instructed Cody and indeed his command tone seemed to get through to Kenobi. With still stiff hands the Jedi tried to open the outer robe, no chance. Cody knew that since an injury on such a stupid chunk of ice of planet, Kenobi's hands had been reluctant to cooperate on bad days. Today was a bad day, and Cody dared to say the worst of them all. Sighing, he put the things on the nearby bunk before he began to help the Jedi with quick fingers. If another member of the Order entered this tent now, he would find himself in serious need of explanation as a Commander. But, luckily for him, Kenobi was the only Jedi around in the system. So it was easy to get him out of his layered robes quickly. Hey, the undershirt was dry. That was at least something. Cody quickly took the black top from the bunk, held it open with his hands and held it so that Kenobi only had to stick his arms and head into it. He looked up briefly and when he met the confused and tired gaze of the Jedi, Cody's thoughts suddenly smoothed out. How many of his men had looked at him like that at least once? He never thought that it would be his own General's turn at some point. Even though he was taller than Cody, he looked so small and confused. „It's okay, I'll help you. Okay?“, Cody muttered, this time his gentle tone echoing the tenor of his thoughts. This was perhaps more familiar to him than he had initially thought. Kenobi slowly reached out his hands and Cody helped him into the top with a gentle smile. Well, that looked a lot better than the wet robes. Cody was glad that Kenobi wasn't that much bigger than the clones, otherwise they would have had serious problems finding clothes.

When Kenobi's head came back into his visual he blinked a few times and his eyes seemed clearer. „I am sorry Commander.“, he muttered, and Cody felt a small flicker of pride. He had made part of the way, Kenobi sought contact with him on his own initiative. That was good, for Cody it was a sign that the initial shock had been overcome. Well, better late than never. Right? „It's okay.“, he muttered and directed Kenobi to the bunk, there he pressed the black pants into the Jedi's hand. „You can do that?“, he asked and couldn't hide the slightly teasing tone. Kenobi nodded, satisfied Cody straightened up again and began to dispose of all weapons, carefully stacking them next to his helmet. Because no matter how calm and familiar the whole thing was, watching his General was definitely not appropriate. Only when Kenobi sat down again with a sigh, Cody glanced back and smiled contentedly, he came back over to the bunk and grabbed the towel. And while Kenobi stared a little annoyed at his unruly hands, Cody began carefully to dry the Jedi's wet hair. Well, as good as possible with a towel. „Cody?“, Kenobi asked softly. „Mhm?“ „Why did that happen?“ Ah, at this point they have been allready a few weeks ago, the Jedi seemed to keep spinning in circles. And Cody followed, of course, and was ready to have that conversation again. Until Kenobi would break out of this cycle. „Because Sidius planned it that way.“, he muttered his answer, waiting and knowing Kenobi would ponder Sidius now. About the failure of the Jedi. He had done that the last couple of times. „Was I a bad master?“ Cody paused, that was a different question than usual. He had no pre-planned answer for this one! Kriff. His pause seemed to prompt Kenobi to just keep babbling. „I should have saved him...“ „Sir...“ „Why was I so blind?“ „General?“ „I was his master and I betrayed him, like I left down Ahsoka before.“ „General Kenobi.“ „It was my fau-“ „Obi Wan!“

Cody grumpily took the towel down and stared at the Jedi, he had finally managed to break through Kenobi's senseless talk. He looked up at Cody with sad blue eyes. Cody wasn't exactly sure what he was up to. But gently straightening Obi Wan Kenobi's head seemed like a good option. „You are an excellent master. Ahsoka survived this war because she watched you just like she watched Skywalker. It's not your fault that your padawan chose a path, where you can't follow him.” Obi Wan blinked slowly, then looked down. Had Cody ruined today's little progress? He hoped not, to start all over again might get his patience to snap for today. But well... had there ever been anything Cody hadn't done for his General? Okay, maybe he would be able to start all over again, should it be necessary.

„Sorry.“, Obi Wan muttered into his beard and sighing, Cody put the towel aside. „It's okay, neither you nor I can help it.“, he tried to calm down and although Obi Wan nodded, Cody could not fail to see that he had started to shiver again. However, this could also come from the cold and exhaustion. Because Cody was sure Obi Wan wasn't crying. Not yet at least, this phase would definitely come. „How about some sleep?“, Cody suggested, sitting on the bunk next to Obi Wan. He had never dropped formality with his General. But tonight was sure to be okay, Obi Wan needed a friend, not a Commander.

„Can‘t.“ Obi Wan sounded as exhausted and empty as he looked. The Jedi tapped his temple with one hand. „Too loud.“ Then he let his head fall to one side, landing on Cody's shoulder. That was okay too. Reluctantly, he raised a hand and ran his fingers through Obi Wan's hair, slid up to the inclined temple and began to massage it in gentle circular movements. Despite the armor, he could feel the tension leaving Obi Wan's body. „Better?“, he asked anyway and got a weak sound of approval. Well then, he probably wouldn't leave this tent today after all. „Sleep, I'll stay here.“

*~*

The rain outside was pounding heavily on the tent, the temperature was cool and the air was uncomfortably wet. But Cody made no move to at least keep the cold away. Instead, he wrapped the thin blanket from his backpack a little tighter around his shoulders, reached into his helmet, which was lying next to him, and found the regulator for the usually very helpful warming function of his armor. That would keep his legs warm, the upper part of the armor he had piled next to the bunk.

Like that he sat slightly bent forward on the foot end of the bunk and while his left hand rested on Obi Wan's lower leg, he used the data pad on his knees with his right. Beside him Obi Wan was shaking, despite the thick blanket and insulating blacks, and Cody Thumb ran reassuring circles over the Jedi's lower leg. They urgently needed to get rations, preferably the red ones for high energy needs. If his body was supplied with enough energy, Obi Wan wouldn't suffer from the cold too much... For a moment he heard the footsteps of the two troopers on guard outside, then they fell silent again. He turned his attention to the datapad, a file at the top of the list could only have been written by Ahsoka. It was handwritten, kriff that girl had a bad hand. Sighing, he concentrated to decipher the sentences.

A brief account of how she organized Kenobi's trip. That she had personally chosen Echo to go with him. That she hoped it would help the Jedi.

‚He's very attached to you and if I'm right and you reciprocate those feelings, then I'm confident things will turn out better. I entrust you with its wellbeing.

P.S. Ask your men about the red ration bars. I gave them a few more shortly before you left. I had the feeling that they could be unsefull.‘

Well done, Ahs‘ika. She must have been one step ahead of him then. Maybe two. Cody glanced at the sleeping figure of Obi Wan, the light from the datapad just enough to see his face. Cody leaned forward carefully and pulled the covers a little higher until they almost touched Obi Wan's chin. The Sith should get him if he wouldn't help his Jedi. Ahsoka could rely on Cody.

[normal-thoughts-official]

ok i see a lot of posts about raphael and magnus that are like "like father like son" and they show that they have similar fashion senses or show them both being sassy or making similar expressions or whatever, but i wanted to talk about the other things they have in common

listen, magnus and raphael's similarities run so deep it's kind of surprising magnus didn't, like, actually raise raphael in his formative years

for starters, they're both incredibly loyal and dedicated to those they love. raphael had no qualms about threatening anyone or sacrificing anything for his family (be it the clan, magnus, his sister...), just like magnus never hesitated to do anything for his (like when he finally yeeted camille, he did it for raphael, despite feeling awfully guilty about it, despite how it forced him to relive part of his abuse and face her again). loyalty, love and family (as well as, i feel, justice) are the things that drive both of their characters and i think thats indisputable (dont ever threaten my family again, id do anything for the downworlders i take under my wing, etc)

it's not just the people they love, though. like the both of them seem to have this sense of needing to take care of others (which i called justice above). theyre both natural born leaders, and they both seem to have an eye for people who need their help. magnus' prime example of this is raphael himself, of course, and raphael's is simon. he risked his own life for simon back when camille was still the leader and they didn't even know each other, he took his body back to clary despite having no reason to even trust her, he offered her emotional support, and he tried to keep helping simon, despite simon constantly fucking him over (even if not knowingly or on purpose). he also saved izzy's ass back when the whole yin fen thing started, despite having no reason to trust her, and ended up having his addiction purposefully triggered by her as compensation for his efforts. it's pretty clear to me that, like Magnus, Raphael also wants to help other downworlders, keep them from suffering, and just generally take care of the weak and helpless lmao. sure he's a lot less gentle about it, Magnus has this whole sorta dad vibe going on; Raphael is a lot rougher at the edges, but the sentiment is still the same, that almost selfless kind of caring, that instinctive need to reach out their hand even when it will get them in trouble. like the both of them were done so dirty by the mains (esp clace) but they still kept helping and reaching out, and i think that says a lot about who they are tbh

then of course you have their insecurities, this sense of monstrosity they both obviously carry, which granted could be argued to be a thing for every downworlder, esp considering all the fantastical racism, but two things catch my attention about it: 1- the sense of atonement they both seem to carry; 2- the way they deal with it

i mean Raphael is catholic and feels guilt and that kinda doesnt need elaboration, lmao. we know he's always talking about atoning for his sins and that he canonically self harms because of that, while simultaneously putting himself in the position to do the dirty work to protect others (for instance, when he tried to kill clary to save the downworlders, which obviously would hit him pretty hard, or you know, the whole thing about getting close to Camille so he could slowly sabotage her. etc). Magnus has a completely different approach to that, but the sentiment is similar. the way he blames himself for his mum, for killing his stepfather (despite that being One Hundred Percent valid lmao), i never wanted you to see this terrible, ugly side of me. he feels guilty, and wrong, and like a monster, and he has hallucinations about standing in what looks like a burning battlefield, and he constantly sacrifices himself and his wellbeing for the sake of others, much like Raphael compromises his physical and even spiritual health in his atonement

and then there's the way that they both clearly put up fronts to be able to handle all of that, like? Magnus created this whole devil-may-care, lothario persona, so he could distance himself from others after the trauma of camille; so he could at least attempt to keep himself from getting too close, and being used and hurt, anymore. and raphael went a route thats simultaneously the same and the opposite - the same, because by creating this sassy, uncaring, cold front that didnt care about anybody he also put his distance. the opposite, because magnus' front was all about being (superficially) open and surrounding himself with people, and Raphael opted to close off, hide in the shadows, look unapproachable and angry and keep people from even getting close to him. Magnus put up a wall of people to keep him away from himself, and Raphael put up a wall to keep people away from him

basically their stories run in such a clear parallel, from their motives to their angsts to their choices and paths, and even their history is similar - both immigrants who lost their family because of their downworld status, thrown to fend off for themselves and having to completely rebuild themselves in the process, yet still looking for ways to take others with them as they moved forward. they can understand each other from simple things like missing talking in their native tongues to the deeper, painful parts of themselves that feel too raw to even touch on without pain. they went through similar hardships, and coped in similar ways, and built an eternal bridge with each other from that, and isnt that what family is? this unspoken understanding of each other?

idk, i just think they have so much in common and that it truly makes their familial relationship to ring true, you know, all these things they share that run so deep there's no way to imitate it, and i really wished we talked more about those kinds of parallels between their characters, too

[nithr]

Revelations

Summary: Post ep 4x08 It Takes a Pillage , What is the reaction of johnny to learning that d'avin didn't leave voluntarily. The look into the love between the two brothers that I wanted but didn't get.

He knew hiding in the lower parts of the ship was absolutely useless. Either dutch or d'avin would find him in no time, would probably be dutch, but after the things he learned that day he wanted some space to think things through. His life was built upon some absolute truths and if one of them was wrong then how many else would change making him lose his foundation.

The sound of the door opening made him reappear from his thoughts. Looking back he found it was dutch that had found him. D'avin may be his brother but dutch was his best friend. It was probably for the best that dutch came , she was the only thing now that he trusted absolutely.

Dutch didn't speak, she just came towards him and sat down near him such that if he wanted to he could touch her. She gave him space that he himself would give her. He continued working on Lucy not turning towards dutch, but she waited patiently. After what appeared to be minutes or an hour he didn't know, he put down the tools he was holding and just leaned into her. Her hands came around him and he found himself encircled by her. Slowly the tension he had been unaware he carried , loosened from him.

'I know meeting your father would have been bad. But I'm here , d'avin is here , talk to me johnny ,are you ok?'

She asked it as if he could say what was in his mind in one word. But it was dutch , if he cant tell it to her he might as well bury his thoughts and carry it to the grave.

'You know dutch , for approximately half my life I've loved d'avin, but the other half , I absolutely hated him. He left me you know , left me in that sad excuse of a planet with a sick mother and an absent father. That day that I learnt he left is still the worst day of my life. I was so angry , so bitter that it festered and festered until it became something ugly inside of me . I loved him but I also hated him. It made me bitter and petty you know. If only he had asked me , if he had asked me to come with him I would have. I used to dream , that d'avin would come back and took my mom and me away from there , away from my father. I used to dream but not for a very long time .

The first time he came here , with us I saw how much you both clicked and how much you liked him and I was jealous. He was was the one who ran off and when I try to form a life for myself he comes back and tries to destroy it anyway. '

Dutch who had until that point been silent opened her mouth as if to protest.

' No let me speak dutch. If I stop I dont know if I can start again. Things are different now but it wasn't then. The bitterness that I felt for him grew. And when d'avin was off the team , I knew you were hurt , I was too, but a small part of me was happy. What kind of brother, a friend am I to feel such things'

'Johnny no, its human to feel those things and I would have been the same too and you know it'

He knew dutch wouldn't keep her silence in some parts. Snorting a little he held her hand a bit tighter to make her quiet again.

'I know Dutch but that doesn't make me feel better.

D'avin had gone through terrible things in his life and sometimes I think that those would not have happened if he hadn't left . But at the same time I wouldn't have met you , so I go round and round with that thought in my head.'

He became silent, lost in the thoughts running through his head .

A had touched his face making him pay attention.

'What happened today johnny?' She asked.

And wasnt that the big question of the day.

'I learnt that I was a naive foolish little boy that was ungrateful. Did you know that our father used to praise us in the outside world and spit on us in our own home. Nothing that we did was enough. Our mom tried her best but well she had herself to take care of and then the disease happened. She wasn't spared even then . But d'avin , he tried . He turned all of our fathers attention on him so that my mother and I could be spared. It didn't always work but he used to get double the beatings for interfearing . He never complained, he would take care of us first and then him at last. It became a regular for us, to be seen with bruises. '

He knew that she had suspected of what happened to him in his Childhood but it was the first time he confirmed it. Turning to see her he found that she was already staring at him . Suddenly closing the space between them she hugged him tightly as if afraid of letting go. He closed his eyes and focused on the feel of her in his arms.

'He didn't leave dutch , he didn't. It was my father who gave him the ultimatum, jail or the military. And you want to know how that situation came to be , it was because he defended me, he lost his carefully restrained control and gave back. And all that happened to him, in the military and now, it all comes back to me doesnt it . No dont argue. Please dont . '

Seeing dutch sit back with a defiant look in her eyes he knew she definitely would argue after he finished made him chuckle a bit.

'Half my life I've been angry with him and now I dont know what to do. Do you know what I said to him when I learnt all this. I said thank you , just a thank you. He sacrificed his life for me and I just kept on reminding him that he left . He didn't even correct me. Just kept on accepting that I have a bad opinion of him. The things I've said to him, again and again , shit dutch , what do I do?' his voice was becoming hysterical at the end.

As involved as he was in what he was saying he didn't notice movement by the opened door, but dutch did. Knowing that there was only one person that could be she came to a decision.

'Jonny you can't take back any of the things you said and d'avin can't go back and inform you of all that had happened. It wasn't only on you, you know that right?'

She could see him shaking his head and she huffed out exasperatedly. She didn't know what she was going to do with these two.

' Ok enough is enough. You have moped enough for a life time . Come on sit straight and look at me. Dont look so confused johnny doesnt suit you. Now imagine that I am d'avin. And tell me everything that you want to tell him and couldn't. Come on try it '

She could see him roll his eyes but sit straighter. Letting him off to collect his thoughts her eyes wandered to the door and she could still see the shadow of him near it. Confirmed that he was there she turned to johnny again. He had his eyes closed but within a few moments opened them and stared at her.

' I'm sorry d'avin, im so sorry for all the times I've insuated that you ran away, for all the times you had to keep quiet , for all the times I was the reason you had to hurt , for all the times I've made you feel unwelcome. I'm sorry big brother, I'm sorry .

And thank you for all the times you've stayed , for all the times you've smiled inspite of the hurt I've caused, for all the times you spared me from getting hurt the same way you were. Thank you for loving me even when I didn't show it. Because yes, I love you d'avin, even when I was angry at you , I've loved you, I'm sorry d'avin, I'm sorry'

He had started to cry half way through his speech and now in the gentle hold of his best friend he threw caution to wind and let himself feel for all the lost time .

He didn't see the shadow that was beyond the door slump down , clutching the alcohol bottle he had brought with him as if it was his life line. He didn't see the tears that ran down that face or the happiest smile that bloomed, he didn't see his big brother mouth back ' I love you too johnny' to him.

He didn't need to. These three , they will be ok . As Blood brothers , best friends , lovers they will be ok.

A03 link

[ariesbilly]

so what show do you consider a bigger disappointment, riverdale or stranger things?

oh stranger things 100% cuz riverdale was always trash. it was never not trash. like... am i mad at the narrative choices? absolutely. but like... at a certain point you gotta be like “its a fucking trash ass show on the cw what do you expect”

stranger things really lauded itself as prestige television and even now i see people defending it like “the duffers know how to write!”

season 3 has beyond a shadow of a doubt proved they cannot. 

everything was just so... idk, discombobulated? shit was not given its proper time like you have billy has the main villain, you have a lead up to him ultimately sacrificing himself, but like wtf did you do with his screentime?

and dont get me wrong, dacre absolutely KILLED the content he was given. but i spent so many of the episodes being like “thats it?”

we never even got a fucking reason for why he and max blame each other for having to move to hawkins which everyone kept saying we were gonna get and billys backstory was so minimal and his interactions with eleven were the bare minimum and its just like.. what the fuck was this all for? we hardly even got anything with him and max yet she spent their scenes crying over him like you would think we’d get enough of something to show us how they got to this point because where we left them in s2 max was not about to cry over billy.

and do NOT get me started on jopper and building up them FINALLY getting together just for hopper to be killed off before anything concrete can even happen and he and el spent the entire season apart.

the mayor had like fuck all to do like what was the point of even having that character

nobody fucking mourned billy which i get to an extent but WHY give him a “redemption” if the only person crying over him is max? and neil gets to fucking live? and nothing about him in present time in shown? 

it just felt sloppy. 

also part of me finds it kinda hilarious how we were straight-bated with robin and steve just to have her end up being gay but the other part of me is like why the fuck even run that routine in the first place

and what the FUCK was the musical number with dustin and suzie i skipped over that shit

and how the hell did steve have absolutely zero reaction to billy being the mindflayer like thats just lazy. thats pure lazy.

anyway stranger things really went and killed my top 2 characters for no fucking reason so yall aint getting my view again unless billy and hopper end up being in the russian prison and have to work together next season to escape. goodbye.

[bleedingout4you]

You’re More Important

A whumpy fill in fic for the pyre scene in Shanarra season 2. Riga captures Mareth and Allanon, and they face the possibility of death together.

@swingrlm suggested this and helped find the movie quotes so this piece could flow.

(gif credit: loisfreakinglane)

Allanon slowly dressed himself. He felt a little light headed, but it was nothing compared to the pain he’d been in earlier. He was about to go out and speak with Mareth when he heard someone call him from outside. “Druid!” It wasn’t just anyone. It was Riga. He could recognize that voice anywhere.

“Where is the Codex?”

He could hear the question sounding clear in his mind even though no one had spoken. He felt as if a lump of ice was nestled in his stomach. He tried to swallow, but his throat felt too tight to breathe. Cold sweat covered his body as he tried to fight the sharp tang of fear polluting his mind. He’d told himself he could take a beating, but all he could see was the torture chamber. He could hear the brand searing the skin off his flesh.

He wanted nothing but to flee, but he couldn’t. His fear of Riga might be crippling, but his love for his daughter was stronger. He didn’t know where she was, but he wouldn’t leave without her. He forced one foot in front of the other until he was out of the tent. He looked at the men surrounding him. All their faces were covered in hatred. He wondered how many of them had lost loved ones to the demons, and instead of finding closure they chose to blame him.

Allanon saw the elf that visited him in his nightmares. The elf that terrified more than he’d ever let anyone know. He paused mid step and rewarded by one of the guards shoving him forward. “General Riga...” He stated the name coldly his voice showing none of the fear that he was feeling. He was weak and outnumbered, and he wouldn’t be lucky enough to escape twice.

Riga stepped to the side. “I believe I have something that belongs to you.”

Allanon saw Mareth on her knees, blood running down the side of her face. He moved forward to rush to her side. Riga slipped his sword in front of him, with a cruel grin.  “I thought that might get your attention. Bring me the Codex or your daughter dies.”

Allanon looked back at his daughter. He closed his eyes and reached out with magic. He wanted to absorb her pain. He could feel the gash on her head and sent a splintering ache through him, but that was nothing to the fear she felt. She was afraid of dying, afraid of losing him, and even more afraid that he would hand Riga the Codex. He rocked forward a little as the connection dissolved. The effort had cost him. He rapidly blinked his eyes refocusing himself.

“Don’t do it.” Mareth shouted. Her bravery was rewarded with a back hand across her face. She was nearly knocked down by the hand of the guard.

Allanon lifted his hand in the direction of the guard. “Don’t touch her.” He could tell the small gesture seemed to scare the man, but the sword at his throat never wavered.

“I suggest you tell me where the Codex is, druid.” Riga hissed. “You won’t like what happens next.”

Allanon looked back to Mareth. She was so strong, struggling to remain composed. He’d been here before. It hadn’t been the same, but he remembered as if it was happening in that moment……..

“Bandon, what did you do to him?” Wil question him.

Allanon was struggling just control his breathing, let alone speak, but he attempted to form coherent words. “....pushed him too hard, went too fast... Was trying to save the Ellcrys...” He managed to get the words out. He struggled to focus on Wil. He was the last person he’d expected to attempt a rescue, and it was clear it wasn’t because he wanted to.

“Someone else you sacrificed for the greater good?” Wil scoffed.

Allanon took the words like a slap across the face. “Bandon strayed off the path, because of me. I accept that. It is the reason I tried to keep you out of this. But destiny is stronger than the wishes of one man.” It had been his hope to stop Bandon by himself, but clearly that wasn’t going to possible. He was running out of time, and this detour was wearing heavily on him.

He looked up as Riga reentered with a cart. He hated to admit it, but a spark of fear flared up in his chest. His heart rate sped up and he looked down for a moment just to compose himself. He’d fought many evil forces; he couldn’t let him get under his skin this way.

“ Welcome Will... I’ve been waiting a long time to meet you.” Riga’s voice dripped with disgust.

“Whatever you think I can do for you, I can’t.” Wil’s response was brave, and Allanon feared for him. Riga didn’t like bravery. He liked to crush it beneath his boot.

“Dont sell yourself short” Riga picked up the device on the cart and stepped up to Wil’s side.

“Riga!!!” Allanon called out, as he was forced to watch him plunge the drain into Wil’s neck. He wanted to beg him to leave Wil out of this, the boy had suffered enough. Why make him go through this? This was his fault again. Riga hadn’t broken him yet, so he would force Wil to suffer.

“With the valve wide open I can drain all the blood in his body within minutes. Tell me, where is the Codex of Paranor?” Riga demanded. He waited for a response, but Allanon didn’t answer. “I guess the longer you live the colder your heart gets.”

“Allanon doesn’t give a damn about anyone. He didn’t care about Amberle, and he certainly doesn’t care about me.” Wil smirked at Riga despite the pain he was feeling.

Wil’s word hurt worse than the touch from the brand. Did the people in his life truly believe that he never cared for them? He knew Wil had hated him, but he didn’t realize how deep the hatred ran. Wil actually believed that he would be fine just watching him die. Wil had been almost like a son to him, and he thought that perhaps they’d come to form some sort of bond. Instead it was clear, that Allanon was alone in this thought. Perhaps this was punishment for all the missteps he’d taken in life.  He’d foolishly thought that rejection would just get easer, but it stung just as much as it had before.

“You can drain me dry, and he still won’t crack.” Wil’s icy blue stare pieced what was left of Allanon’s heart.

  He knew what Riga was capable of. He couldn’t let him hurt her the way he hurt Wil. He had let Wil believe that he could stand by while he suffered and do nothing. He couldn’t abandon his daughter. “Give me your word that you will let her go unharmed.”

“No….no you can’t.” Mareth pleaded. “You can’t.”

“Fine. Give me the Codex, and she goes free.” Riga smirked.

Allanon stepped back. “I’ll bring it to you.” He wondered if Mareth was disappointed, but he couldn’t let her believe that he didn’t care about her. He wasn’t good with emotions, but she was all that was left in this world for him. She reminded him so much of her mother, brave and passionate. He would not fail her.

“I don’t think so.” Riga snapped his fingers and one of his men handed him a collar. “Put this on first.”

His stomach turned over as he looked at the collar in Riga’s hand. He could see blood crusted up the sides of it. It was the same collar he’d worn before. He tried to keep his expression neutral, but his heart was racing. He was afraid that it was about to explode in his chest.

He took the collar from Riga, somehow managing to keep his hand steady. He didn’t want to put the collar back on, to be powerless. He couldn’t go back to that place. He looked back at his daughter. He couldn’t fail her this time. He slowly snapped the collar around his neck. His magic vanished and he felt weaker than before, but he also felt panic setting in. He was back in the Warlock Lord’s strong hold, facing a fate worse than death.

He walked calmly back into the tent, once the flap swung shut behind him his fingers slipped up to the collar trying to pry it off his neck. “Please.” He whimpered, choking back a sob as the steel refused to budge. He could feel his breathing escalating to hyperventilation. He stumbled forward and grabbed the table to balance himself. “He won’t harm Mareth. It doesn’t matter what happens to you.” He stated the words firmly and picked up the book with trembling hands, trying to believe the words he’d just spoken.

“We should have had more time.” He said softly to himself. He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. He had no delusions about his situation, the Codex could free Mareth, but there was no hope for him. Riga would finish what he started. He could only pray that it would be quick.

He took one last deep breath and walked back out into the sunlight. He clutched the book in his hands as he walked toward Riga. Every part of his mind was screaming for him to stop. The Codex couldn’t be handed to this elf, but he would gladly risk everything for his daughter. If she lived perhaps she could find a way to get the Codex back.

Mareth looked at the book in his hands and her shoulders slumped. “No...” She whispered under her breath.

Riga took the book from Allanon, if he notice the druid flinch he didn’t let on. “At last.”

“You should have let me die.” Mareth shouted, but she didn’t understand. He’d see so much death that he couldn’t watch her die, and Riga would never grant her a quick death.

Riga turned the book over in his hands and smirked. “You are a shadow of your former self Druid, not at all the man I met at Graymark.” His looked up at Allanon with his piercing look, and he knew in that moment that Riga understood just how broken he was.

The guards grabbed him pulling him away from their leader. He looked to his daughter, but she wasn’t freed of her collar yet. “You said you would let her go!” The panic was rising his throat again. He’d always known it was possible that Riga wasn’t a man of his word, but he couldn’t have done this for naught.

“Are you really that naive? She’s as guilty as you are and will share the same fate.” Riga held the Codex up in front of him and smiled. “Thank you for this.”

“You have no idea what you are up against.” Allanon growled under his breath. Riga would surely be murdered once Bandon had succeeded and for the first time in his life, he wished death upon someone. He wanted Riga to come face to face with the thing that he hated the most, and be torn to pieces.

“With your death, I am one step closer to purging the four lands of magic.” Riga announced to his followers, who all seemed keen to cheer him on. He turned to the troops that were approaching them, and listen to their report.

He could barely keep the smile off of his face. Riga’s days were number. If Graymark wasn’t responding he could only imagine why that was. Bandon was close to calling his new master to earth. It was a strange feeling to feel relieve that even though he was to die, at least Riga wouldn’t survive much longer.

“We leave for Graymark at once. Burn the Druid and his daughter at the stake and scatter their ashes to the wind. I want nothing left.” Riga turned back to Allanon one last time giving him a look of disgust.

Allanon looked at Mareth. He could see the free in her eyes, and the anger. He knew she saw it on his face. He looked back at Riga wondering if he knew that he was picturing his death in his mind. Magic didn’t work on the bastard, but he’d never been restricted to the use of magic. He jerked his hand free of the guard and smashed his elbow into the man’s face.

The guard fell back to the ground and he dealt a swift kick to the other guard’s knee. He heard the joint give way beneath his boot. He lunged forward feeling a small thrill of delight at the look of surprise on Riga’s face. The elf had thought that he was completely broken, but he couldn’t be more wrong. His fist connected with the side of Riga’s face.

The general dropped like a fly and his guards surged around him. Allanon spun to the side greeting the first guard with a fist to the jaw. He heard Mareth shout and saw her on her feet fighting off a few other guards. He turned to fight his way toward her, shoving an elf out of his way.

They were being overwhelmed and he felt a since of desperation. If only he could just generate enough magic to push the men back. He tried to use the magic even if he knew it wouldn’t work. He drew on the power of the earth feeling the tightening in his chest. He cried out as his skin tore open at his shoulder and then further down his arm, the skin on the back of his hand shredded as if knives were bursting out of his skin.

He stumbled to his knees unable to keep his balance. He’d suffered all the affects of magic use, but he couldn’t even perform a simple spell. He watched in despair as Mareth was tossed to the ground in front of him. He looked up at the sky above him. The world that he bled to save, was cruel. The cost was too much, and he didn’t want to pay it anymore. He didn’t want Mareth to pay it.

Riga pulled himself to his feet and spat blood across Allanon’s face. “Pathetic.” He hissed, turning his back to the druid.

The guards forced the two of them to their feet and marched them to the pyre they’d constructed. He was surprised he was actually able to walk to his fate. He was almost certain he’d have to be dragged there. He felt a strange sense of calm taking over him. He could stand the idea of his own passing, but he couldn’t stomach the fact that Mareth would die beside him.

They were tied back to back on the pyre, as the guards circled them. “This is all my fault.” Mareth’s voice cracked as she spoke.

“No.” Allanon couldn’t let her blame herself for what had just happened. In the face of death, she was concerned about a dusty, old book. It all seemed so meaningless when you thought about it that way. She was so selfless, and he didn’t deserve to be her father.

“Yes, you only gave Riga the codex to protect me.” Mareth’s anger at herself, made her sob.

“You are more important to me than any book.” Allanon told her firmly. He would do it all again, if there was even the slightest chance of saving her. She deserved a life, free of magic. She deserved happiness, love, and to grow old in the arms of someone who cared about her.

The guard slowly lowered a torch to the pyre. “Will your magic save you now Druid?”

He wasn’t surprised that the guard felt no compassion, the fool was dense. If he took this collar off now, he’d see just what magic could do. In his last moments he wasn’t going to focus on an army of foes. He tried to turn his head so that he could see his daughter. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. It wasn’t meant to end this way.”  

Mareth cleared her throat. “This isn’t the end. ‘Though we die, our struggle lives on.’”

Allanon smiled a little at the familiar words. “Your mother would have been proud.” He had no doubt that Pyria would have been pleased with everything that Mareth had accomplished.

“I guess I can ask her that myself soon enough.” Mareth’s voice didn’t hold any animosity it simply was resigned to her fate.

“In death just as in life....” The words brought a sense of comfort. I’m sorry Pyria. Our daughter is truly the best thing that I ever did. I’m sorry that I failed her, and that I failed you. It’s selfish of me to hope that we’ll be together after this……but I hope that you will forgive me.

“Burn you abominations!” Someone shouted.

Allanon could barely caught the words as the heat of the fire started to burn his legs. His robes were catching, and he knew they didn’t have much longer. Oh how he wanted to take away all the pain that Mareth would feel, he wanted to save her from a terrible death, but all he could do was reach of her hand. He was almost surprised when she accepted his hand. It was the only form of comfort he could give.

He gritted his teeth together as the skin on his legs began to burn. He tried to move his feet a little bit more, but it wasn’t helping. His collar suddenly jolted and fell from his neck. For a second the world seemed to move in slow motion. He watched the collar slowly fall into the fire, and then he felt the magic surge through him.

The flame vanished and he pulled his daughter off the pyre. He still had a little magic left, as he channeled it into her so she could heal herself. He tossed his robe off him tossing the flaming material away from himself. He stumbled back ward peeling the melting boots from his feet. He gasped as the skin of his feet peeled off with the boots.

Mareth was at his side. He didn’t see her run over, but her hands rested on his shoulder. “Let me help you.”

Allanon knew that the burns spiraled up over his calves, but he didn’t care about the pain. He cupped his daughter’s face in his hands. “You’ve done enough for me, little one.” He pressed his forehead against hers. “Just seeing you alive is all the help that I need.”

[pinkletterday]

The Way We Were

Pairing: Barry Allen/ Iris West

Rating: All Audiences

Summary:

Memories may be beautiful and yet

What's too painful to remember 

We simply choose to forget

So it's the laughter we will remember

Whenever we remember

the way we were

Read on AO3

The box of mementos had sat stored away on high closet shelf until Iris had been seized with the need to find some obscure sweater of Barry's. Her frenzied search accidentally knocked it to the floor, the contents scattering every which way, joining the mess she had made of the rest of the room.

She picked up the tiny velociraptor fallen near her foot.

***

They had both loved Jurassic Park. Barry because he was a nerd and Iris because she had seen that T-Rex eat a guy on the toilet and screamed at the time but also thought it was awesome. They would sneak into the kitchen at night to get Jell-o, pretending they were trying to evade raptors. Sometimes Iris was the velicoraptor and Barry had to hide from her.

Her Dad had the living daylights scared out of him once when he came down for a glass of milk at 1am without switching on the light and they had both screamed in his face.

***

The memory rose so vividly that she took a step back and nearly tripped over Barry's old sneakers. They were covered in sharpied scribbles, laces still tied together.

***

Iris had never been able to monitor her own sugar consumption. She used to eat so much candy at fairs that it made Joe and Barry sick just to watch her. She'd puked on Barry's shoes TWICE after eating funnel cake on top of cotton candy and candy corn. Barry told her later, the morning after they had first made love, that this was probably when he figured out he's in love with her for real, because he was too worried and exasperated to be grossed out as much as he should have been.

It hadn't stopped him from jokingly gifting her the sneakers once they'd been cleaned. Iris had retaliated by refusing to give them back.

***

The keychain from her first car gleamed dully from under the side table.

***

Joe still thought it was Iris that crashed his car. It had actually been Barry at the wheel. Iris knew her Dad loved Barry but there was always a shadow of a fear in her heart when he annoyed her Dad a little too much. She had insisted they swap seats and change their story before the cops came and never told him why. She could take her Dad's anger. She's his little girl. But she's never trusted anyone to love Barry as much as she does.

Dad had given them a beat up Ford Escort for them to share when they were seventeen, but Barry had refused to get behind the wheel again till he left for college.

***

The Titanic poster that had half-unrolled across the floor had been a gag gift from him the Christmas he had come home his freshman year.

***

They had been too young for the Titanic fever when it had first come out (except for everyone getting sick of that Celine Dion song) but when they had been about ten, Iris had taken it firmly into her head that she needed to see what the fuss was about. Dad hadn't let them because he thought they were still babies who didn't know about sex, which made Iris all the more determined.

She had gotten Barry to steal his parents' DVD copy and bring it with him one day he was sleeping over at the Wests' house. They watched it together in their basement, giggling and blushing at the sexy parts. Barry yelped and covered his face with his hands, ears burning, when Kate Winslet disrobed, and Iris covered up her own embarrassment by laughing and throwing popcorn at him.

At the end of the movie, Barry had been crying into his own popcorn but Iris was incensed.

"Well that's....just stupid!" She steamed at the tv. "Are you CRYING?"

"NO," Barry sniffled. "But it's not stupid. Why is it stupid?"

"She let him DIE, Barry!" Iris fumed. "They could have shared that door! Taken turns! Or made HIM get on it!"

"It's a minus freezing sea, Iris, not a swimming pool. You can't jump in an out of it like that. Besides, then she would have died," said Barry, looking at her in incomprehension.

"Well duh!" Iris huffed and threw her hands up in indignation. "You dont let the boy you love DIE for you. How is that romantic?"

"It's romantic cause he sacrificed himself so she could live," insisted Barry. "That's what you do when you love someone!"

"Oh yeah, I love you so much Im just gonna up and LEAVE you, have a nice life!"

"That's not fair!" said Barry, seeming irrationally hurt. "It's not like he had a choice! You just dont get romance, Iris. You don't even like musicals," he concluded in a superior tone.

Iris gaped at him, then closed her mouth and returned to the point at issue. "Anyway. It's stupid. She doesnt deserve him. I'd a died with my man if it was me."

"Well then you're stupid," said Barry with uncharacteristic vehemence. "You're worth way more than some guy!"

"I happen to love that guy!" Iris yelled back.

"What guy?"

"Whatever guy!"

"Fine! Go die for Whatever Guy!"

"You too! Go drown yourself for little Miss Cant-Share-A-Frggin-Door Priss!"

They glared at each other before the absurdity of the argument dawned on them and they started to laugh.

"Is everything okay down there?" Joe's voice called down to the basement.

They looked at each other wide-eyed and at the TV before Iris scrambled to eject the DVD.

That night, after her Dad had turned off the light with a firm admonishment to go to sleep, Iris snuck into Barry's camp bed and under his covers where he was reading with a flashlight.

"Hey," she poked him. "Just to be clear, I know you're a sappy nerd -"

"YOU'RE a sappy -"

"But," she continued determined, "no sacrificing yourself for any girls, okay? I need my best friend around."

Barry had a weird expression on his face.

"What?"

"You're a girl," he observed rather too casually. "Im not allowed to give you the door either?"

Iris swatted him, appalled. "Especially not me! We're partners Barry! The whole point is that we go down together!"

"You jump, I jump, Jack," grinned Barry at her over the beam of the flashlight.

Iris poked his pointy nose. "Except we mean it, Rose."

***

The loft had grown dark during her reminiscing. The floor was chilly beneath her but her limbs were too heavy to move.

She simply sat, Barry's sweater forgotten on her lap, spinning the tiny lone raptor in her hand. Lost among the debris of their life together that he had left behind when he walked into the Speed Force, the ghost of his last kiss still tingling on her lips.

You lied to me again, Barry. You lied.

[lifeofshreyaa]

JAY.

me n mine.

//UNTIL FOREVER//

I love how his character is placed and explained in the story. It's in paper yet so vivid and close to my heart that I can't even begin to explain that how much a character's presence affects me. It's affecting everything in my being.

I connect to his character so closely because he's the definition of the type of male figure I want to live under the shadow of, after my dad.

Talking of my madness, Jay is the definition of it. I couldn't believe my eyes when I started reading his character, that someone could be so perfect (maybe just for me), so like what I want my man to be like. He just fits in right. He fits right into my heart.

He's this guy who goes around man-whoring and doesn't give fucks about it because he's just too scared to commit and too cool to bother himself with judgements. He's a Greek god, if you're thinking what makes him attract so many. His physique fits right in my definition for a perfectionist. His humour just give me chills down my spine and I just cannot happen to stop laughing at his poor but usually good shots at humour. He's a great great friend and trust me when I say that. He can do anything and everything to help his friends outta their misery. He's a 'buttface' most the time but then at the end of the day he's a man who needs care, love and a girl who he wants to be with.

Out of the friend group he is in (I'd say more like, the family he has with his friends), he's the only person who scares commitment, and that just fits my biggest turn-off right, because more or less I hate and scare commitments too.

He is the one with the saying " Not that I'm against relationships or anything, it's just that I don't have enough patience to deal with a girl. I have seen my friends loosing their edge over girls and I dont want that to happen to me. I can't go around sacrificing my jacket for a girl when it's freaking cold and going out of my ways to open doors for them.

And that is the one thing I swore to myself I'll never do. I love myself way too much. "

Though that all being said, he did the exact same thing when he ran into his Ms. Right or THE ONE, Ella. The way he carries her, defends her, has her back, does PDA unaffected of the 'get a room' comments his friends throw at him, go out of ways, live in the edge for her, can do anything and everything to see her smile, while giving her the exact freedom and space everyone deserves uncertain of their status.

I love his humour. I love the madeup names he call his people from. I love his genuity. I love how easily he slips out of problems just making it sound so much fun to him. I just love him from top to bottom, with all my being and my heart. Even these words aren't enough to describe how much I've attached myself to Jay. To describe my love for this non-existent-but-just-a-character human being is impossible. I love him and want him. And if not him someone like him. I'd rather no one at all.

~S

(the novels on wattpad; boy next door)

[tumblunni]

AAAAAARARRRRRGHHH WHAT A WASTED PLOT TWIST god I feel so mad, that would have been really good in any other context it was really surprising!! it should have been really depressing and got me amped to see this villain be defeated, but instead its just depressing in the sort of ‘well there goes my only reason to keep reading this comic’ way :P Spoils n stuff for Phantom School, so don’t read under the cut if you’re interested in reading it. But meh its really obscure manhwa with a reaaaaallly slow translation and its dropped in quality so much and abandoned its initial premise, so I wouldnt blame anyone for not reading it... SERIOUSLY, why have we just run away from the whole concept of Phantom School for a twenty chapter arc that’s now been extendd EVEN MORE? The idea of a human being a teacher at a school for youkai is awesome!! I didnt come here for just a generic shonen battle against some random mysterious shadow guy who only got his identity finally revealed after 20 chapters. In a series where each chapter is 50 pages. 50 pages twice the size of A4, cos it started as an infinate-scrolling webcomic interface. A LOT OF PAGES. 20 chapters is over half the size of THE WHOLE STORY SO FAR and we ONLY JUST learned who the mystery villain is and why we should care about him and it as a reveal that killed off my fave character in a really sadistic way and revealed someone else was evil all along, and we havent even SEEN the goddamn protagonist for so long so they were the closest thing we had to protagonists right now an GAHHHH anyway, spoiler talk:

BLACKIE BLACKIE WHY gahhhhhh Literally RIGHT AFTER the comic revealed his backstory and why he trusts One-Armed so much, they show us him sacrificing himself to protect One-Armed after he was captured by the shadow monster, only to IMMEDIATELY give us a second flashback that recontexualizes everything and reveals One-Armed IS the shadow monster, and he was just faking it all to brainwash this guy into his willing servant and then eat his soul when he outlived his usefulness

Oh and I just need to take a second to point out how the translation is kinda bad and literal. The guy is named Blackie cos that’s the closest they could get to the nickname he had back when he was a normal mortal dog who got reincarnated as this humanoid youkai. It tends to have a problem of over-translating stuff that doesnt need to be translated?? At least ‘Blackie’ mostly works in-context, but its damn weird that this guy is called One-Armed. And used to be called Left-Armed before that! They translate EVERYONE’S names as if they weren’t names, they translate the names of all the youkai even! I guess its an easy mistake cos its a korean manga using japanese monsters, so I’d assume there’s a bit of confusion from a casual translator. *shrug* BUT SERIOUSLY Not even ‘One Arm’ but One-Armed. Super literal visual descriptors of everyone! It gets a bit weird and problematic when it comes to a disabled guy and literally a black guy named Blackie... And... Left-Armed??? ‘This guy is so spectacular, he possesses two arms! How Unusual!’ Its supposed to be because he could turn his left arm into a magic claw, but meh. And it gets uber problematic since the point is that One-Armed is now the villain and he uses shadow powers, so we have people yelling ‘damn that black guy for killing blackie’ and just... I’m glad this got translated so I can read it, but it can be really hard to understand sometimes :P

ANYWAY

Its just so demotivational and horrible and gahhhh And it COULD have been a really emotionally affecting twist, cos its destroying a good character and revealing it was all a lie, and just.. gahhh But we ONLY JUST heard the backstory of One-Armed being a good guy and Blackie having his reasons to care about him THAT got me emotional, and the speed of the backpedal just negates that emotion instead of evoking new ones its just got SO dark and cynical now that it kills all my interest especially cos its so padded out long, and so hard to understand the translation... and seriously we’ve spent so many chapters focusing on these two instead of the protagonist and just GAHHH it makes a long filler arc feel so wasted!

and I’m just so damn sad for Blackie!! his backstory is that he was this sweet adorable puppy whose owner became homeless, and he doesnt understand it and he’s just ‘don’t worry, I’ll wait!’ you’re struggling to push this fast food cart up a hill? youre doing extra shifts? I’ll wait! we dont do that job anymore? we won’t sleep indoors for a long time? I’ll wait! you’re feeling too sad and tired to pet me today? I’ll wait! I’m sick? We cant afford to see the doctor? I’ll wait! Oh the doctor didnt do my surgery? I guess I’m not sick after all! I’ll get better soon, you just wait! Meanwhile his owner is crying and struggling to scrape together any money to afford it, starving even more than usual, going back to the doctor every day to beg for help even as everyone is all ‘ugh this stinky homeless bastard’, kicking him out and then one day Blackie can’t wait for his owner to come back, he tries to follow him to the doctor, and doesnt realise the traffic lights have changed his owner sees him about to be hit by the car and yells at him to wait, which just manages to save him! but while he was distracted saving his dog he got hit by the car instead :( and then we have Blackie licking his lifeless face, and the monologue of “Are you sleeping? I’ll wait! Can I lie down next to you?” *UGLY SOBBING*

And then he meets One-Armed cos he was the youkai assigned to reap this soul. Apparantly Blackie’s love was so strong that his pure soul is able to see soul-creatures, so he can grab his owner’s soul and try and protect it from One-Armed AND THE SECOND FLASHBACK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN WORSE IN CONTEXT Cos One-Armed was actually trying to eat that soul, and Blackie actually did save it! One-Armed was just this horrible asshole who’d infiltrated the soul reaper government group as a way to hunt for victims in his serial killer nonsense :P But then the story we get in the first flashback is that One-Armed is totally nice and Blackie caused him to lose his arm while fighting off a monster from eating that soul, and it was totally bad that he didnt cooperate and such So he feels like he owes One-Armed, and thats why he became a youkai and joined the organization as One-Armed’s new partner And then we have a montage of how he started trusting One-Armed and seeing him as his new owner that he loved even more than his original one, and then he lets go of the soul and lets his old owner get reincarnated... And ALL OF THIS was for nothing and he was being manipulated by a lying freako who controls this fake shadow monster to hide his own crimes, and he HELPED HIDE THOSE CRIMES unwittingly, cos he was so convinced his best friend loved him too! T_________________T

and its just... SUCH A SADISTIC WAY TO KILL HIM OFF it looks like ‘oh no the shadow monster has captured One-Armed, we have our chance to kill it but it’d mean killing One-Armed too!’ and Blackie cares about him so much that he abandons logic and stops the other heroes from taking that chance to kill the monster and then ONE-ARMED KILLS HIM And all along he was the real shadow monster and he faked his whole capture and Blackie just cos everyone the chance to defeat him and now he is dead and in retrospect he abandoned his ENTIRE LIFE to join One-Armed as a partner and it was all for a sick fucker who pretends to be a friend and just *SOB* *SOB* And now stupid shadow fucker has won and everyone is dying and EVEN WORSE THAN THAT it means this arc is gonna be EVEN LONGER and we probably will never go back to the school-based plot :P And the translators left us off on this cliffhanger and it took AN ENTIRE YEAR for this translation update so who knows how long the next one will be :P :( :( :( :( :( :(