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#dont make me face my trauma like that
nururu · 2 years
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I hated sanjis shit with his siblings bc I went through the same shit (on a smaller scale) and responded the same way, with empathy and self sacrificial tendencies. not just bc I wanted to be loved&accepted by them but bc family meant so much to me. the way my older siblings were very cold and acted how they were supposed to act, while I was very sensitive and had specific interests that they'd shit on and wouldn't support. how I had siblings but was alone most of the time. I hated watching all of that so much bc even at the end neither him or I can bring ourselves to truly hate these ppl. we are too soft too empathetic too understanding. it's not fair that we were the targets but things aren't fair for them either.
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topaziraphale · 1 year
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"Stop saying Crowley won't help Aziraphale in S3 he'd go back to him in a HEARTBEAT and nothing would stop him" I get it no one likes the idea of Crowley being bitter after what happened for a long period of time but like can we at least acknowledge that he's currently going through probably the most emotional pain in his life since falling? Can we agree that he's opened his heart entirely - something you couldn't pay him to do unless the world is literally ending and he's desperate - to Aziraphale, and got shot down? Can we understand that he did it AGAIN only to lose Aziraphale again? Not that what Aziraphale did isn't without Crowley's own shortcomings (hiding the truth of Heaven's cruelty from him) but like,,,,
The appeal here isn't Scorned Crowley Doesn't Love Aziraphale Anymore, or Never Wants To Help Him Again, the appeal here is Crowley learning enough self respect to not just walk back right to Aziraphale like nothing happened after Aziraphale has had a pattern of consistently refusing him. Going years ping-ponging between "We're not friends I don't even know him" to "That's what friends are for right?" and "We're friends, why would you even say anything?" and "Friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon!"
Like I get it, Crowley is a heartbreakingly forgiving person. Of course he's gonna forgive Aziraphale, I'll be surprised if he didn't forgive him by the time he walked out the bookshop door, but gdi he could at least grant himself the luxury of being at least a little irritated for longer than however long it takes to make a globe and some books float and angrily cry out to God in his flat. But due to the change of pace and dynamic that is establishing part of the conflict for Season 3, I just really like the idea of him for ONCE prioritizing himself and being like "Okay, fine. We'll get back at it when you're ready, then," instead of just taking Aziraphale back like his words and actions meant nothing to him, when clearly they have an effect on him.
What is Aziraphale going to learn if Crowley just accepts what he did so quickly, like he always has the entire time they've been friends? Idk maybe I'm just projecting too much darkness on their dynamic but I mean, if the pattern of Aziraphale pushing Crowley away/disrespecting him one day and then being fine with his friendship the next + Crowley never stopping to be like "Hey, that's not cool, at least give me a little credit" or smth was fine all along and will continue to be fine in the future, then why, after 6,000 years of being friends and loving this demon, can Aziraphale still not accept that Crowley is just fine the way he is, and instead got excited to promote him to an angel in a heartbeat once the opportunity presented itself? You can't blame all of it on Heaven when Aziraphale has demonstrated his free will/defiance to Heaven so many times. Or, I don't know, I guess maybe we can? Maybe I'm just craving too much angst to the point where I'm letting it cloud my analysis of canon. Idk.
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calamitys-child · 1 month
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I'm being so serious rn if I ever talk about doing another fringe festival run in the next like 3 years at least send me to fucking therapy. It is a cry for help. This is bad for me.
#im over halfway at least. but fucking christ.#ive barely seen anyone i care about for weeks. im hardly sleeping. im in knee braces and im still in pain.#13 hours a day of people yelling at me. the busiest ive ever seen public transport. eating the most random sporadic shit.#no hobbies. very few friends or family. crying twice a day. i still havent been paid. binding!! binding 7am til midnight!!!! daily!!!!!#my whole body hurts im physically mentally emotionally exhausted im desperately lonely im not doing the things that make me feel fulfilled#when my loved ones are free im either working or passed out in pain and exhaustion#the boss is enabling all sorts of bullshit yet again#im not able to be a person anyone i care about deserves to know#and that makes me not want to know me either#that is at least when i have enough fractions of a spoon left to feel anything at all except upset or numb#i NEED this all to be over#my next free day is my sisters 21st birthday next month my fucking baby sister is turning 21 and i dont know what to get her#i dont have a brain im not being!! a person worth knowing!!!!#my gran fucking fell the other day she's hurt ive not visited her in ages bc of work and finance i want to see my wee gran i want#to buy her ice cream and tell her i love her#i had to clean up an old guy who smashed his face on the pavement today and im just putting That trauma off til at least mid September#my BEST FRIEND gets MARRIED next week#and i can barely think about it because im on empty#im on below empty#they deserve so much better from me#im out. im not doing this again. not like this.
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the-knife-consumer · 1 year
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"Yona was just added bc Nintendo wants people to stop shipping sidlink!" Literally what the hell are you talking about
#yes nintendo is homophobic. no they do not give a singular shit about what their fanbase does??? what are you talking abouuuutttt#they literally dont care what people do as long as they get money??? like what#listen im upset abt yona having so many unanswered questions. mainly she came from another zora's domain#meaning she came from outside of hyrule. so that leads to a lot of questions.#but howww do you come to the conclusion that she was just added as a 'no homo' indicator#dont even get me started on the people genuinely unironically calling this queerbaiting. what are you onnnnnnn#'and oh but sidon said he used to see her as a sister! so its gross and wrong!' sidon literally thought out loud to links face abt how#had things been different and link had gotten married to mipha he would be his BROTHER IN LAW. SAID THAT OUT LOUD TO HIS FACE. so shh#imo. yona was added for one 'ohh wow exciting new character look at this' and two. as a way for sidon's trauma to be acknowledged#bc it was veeery briefely shown in botw. for like. a singular second if you snuck up on him at mipha's statue#but yona's defining scene in totk was her forcing sidon to confront that he wasn't being himself because of that trauma. and that#he needed to let go of the fear around it. if only temporary. because his people needed him.#so tbh?? sheis very important to the plot. she new mipha. admired her. knows why sidon still struggles with this and#how difficult and frightening everything becomes when he views the world through the lens of 'what if i lose someone again'#like. they added yona for his struggles to be spelled out to the audience even further#so to just boil her down to 'ewww woman gets in the way of my gaybies 😡😡😡'. hello. did you play the game.#do you even know who these characters are. quick gimme ten facts about sidons character that you didnt make up for shipping purposes.pronto
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mithomite · 6 months
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had the most braindead repetitive conversation/argument with my parents. buzz cuts are too masculine but if you dye a design on it it become effeminate which is bad because then you look weak and if youre weak then society falls apart (all societies ever that have fallen apart for any reason are actually because of feminine men) and we start sacrificing babies. and also all mental illness is invented because only 4 people had anxiety in the 90s and covid was made up so that we would all become gay and trans and then the government can control us better and be joe biden's little sex slaves. and also i need to keep my hair long because my father finds it attractive. what
#lolaa.txt#what do i even tag this with . my mother wouldn't let me leave and i kept asking for sources and she kept saying 'i'm your mother!!!'#'i wouldnt lie to you!'#okay. say that to someone maybe who doesnt know you lie to them all the time.#its tiring going around in circles with her.my father is better because at least he admits when he doesnt have a reason for feeling some wa#also what got me. she said 'do you own research if you want!! but im right!!!'#yeahh not seeing anything about anything you just said. i think you made that up.#i have a theory that my mother secretly hates herself because she believes all women are weak and must serve strong men#and my father has so so much trauma and anxiety that he cant be that strong man#so now she feels like shes betraying her very biology when she has to step up.#and also because i am stronger than her now and my hair is long and far far denser than hers and i have a younger face#that she feels that im wasting my precious femininity that she could be using. does that make sense.#shes so miserable trapped in her idea of what makes a man and a woman what they are. once you stop caring about what makes someone somethin#you dont have to worry about anyone else.#im queer because i dont really feel that connection to biological and social ideas of gender that my parents seem to#never really have#im not gonna theorize 'ohh shed be happier nonbinary' or stuff like that because it is up to you and you alone to define who you are#if you spend your whole life trying to fit a box for the sake of fitting the box#then when would you have any space for self discovery#youve invented personality traits to go along with your box. now you can never ever change or grow as a person. congrats#and you know what? one day she will die. and that will be the end of that.#and i will live and i will probably shave my head a thousand times. and come up with new names#and new ways to be a better person that makes me feel happy#and i will dress like a boy because its all made up anyways. who cares.#and if you care? that much about what im wearing or how i look?#then thats your problem and i wont be responsible to maintain your happiness.#SORRY RANT OVER.#im just so flabbergasted. what a sad life someone can lead poisoned by jealously and reactive rhetoric.#tw homophobia#tw transphobes
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savage-rhi · 9 months
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✨️Magenta✨️
#I've been really sad lately#its logical I've had a lot happen and a lot going on#and I've been mostly bedridden the past week cause of fibro flares#my brain can see the logic of why my body feels burnt out and why i feel anxious#but i also have this profound sense of loneliness that's been weighing on my chest#I feel the need to isolate and get away from people because it feels like it doesn't matter how much i try to blend in someone#will catch onto me being an “alien” or not quite fitting their mold or having a difference of opinion and i get bullied or ostracized#out of participating with folks or doing activities#and i get so overwhelmed by people and their literal energy/vibes that it feels as though I'm caught in a sneaker wave and being pulled#from shore and this is compounded on top of that feeling of being surrounded by people like tons of them who may even enjoy your company#but still feel very much isolated and alone the whole time#it could be winter triggering trauma responses in me due to childhood abuse related to the holidays#and then there's me trying to brainstorm how i can make money with my creativity when i have little to no help with anyone#and no one will give me a chance to bounce ideas and get a third persons opinion#its felt like this since i can remember: people value that i listen and reflect all the while show compassion#and then when i really need it myself and attempt to reach out i get the door shut in my face#it feels like the only people that have truly listened to me are therapists lmao and it hurts cause its like i gotta pay someone#just to listen to me go off on this idea i have for a side hustle a creative pursuit something i love#and i can't really share that with anyone irl because I'm supposed to be everyones therapist#and its shitty i dont get paid for it if thats the case lol#i feel like tumblr is the only spot I really have where i can share a lot of myself and make things that make others and myself happy#i don't know what id do without it#magenta is my safe word for venting#thanks for coming to my tedtalk as i write into the void#getting shit off my chest at 4am#i aint gettin no sleep cause of yall yall not gon get no sleep cause of meeee
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alilaro · 3 months
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omg my momma got me my very own car yippee!!
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c0tards--s0luti0n · 1 year
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love (hate) when im Thinking about my childhhod and im like "yeah it was pretty normal and good ithink" and then i fuckingg Rember
#like oh that one wasnt very good !#personal#<- ish#<- but boy are these tags about to be#this is about the time i didnt respond to my dad's text when i was in the middle of a highschool tour with my sibling#(<- they came with cause why the hell not)#and on the drive back home he went on this rant about how we dont know what money's worth (completely unrelated !)#and he literally told us To Our Faces that it wouldve been better if we werent born ! like sir whose fault is that one !!#and theres definitely more but for once im thankful for my head blocking shit out of my memories#and how hed yell at me for making Basic Fucking MIstakes (once when i was EIGHT i spilt water down the stairs and#he yelled at me for .i forgot how long but too fukcing long#and made me get him to bring my cups downstairs for a month after and then he forgot and yelled at me AGAIN#for asking him to bring my cup down AFTER TELLING ME I HAD TO#and so so much more like . the yelling got so bad that when i twisted my ankle#(only real ones remember)#i was scared of telling him cause i KNEW he'd be like 'do you have any clue how much the doctor's gonna cost blah blah'#and i just . didnt tell him#we used to have money issues and he'd always make me feel like shit for asking for anything that costed money ever#so i just didnt tell him when i was sick or injured or when i needed something cause he would get mad at ME like . hello#AnyWay ! so yeah thats the rundown of some of my severe trauma that still affects me to this day
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layzorr · 5 months
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Mm
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fantastic-mr-corvid · 5 months
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i love it when shit happens in my life that dredges up old wounds and coincidentally im re-experiencing the media i intrinsically link it to cause then i get to remember exactly why i love it and find it so meaningful all over again. there's a fucking reason ill always say Berserk [& RGU] both came into my life at a perfect fucking time and holy shit they fucking resonated with me so hard and as much as life can suck ass and lovvves kicking me in the balls when ive just recovered from last time i a least get to remember how & why i love something so much.
#thebirdspeaks#ive been trying to make a coherent post about Berserk and specifically the duality of Casca and Guts as victims post eclipse#because there are issues but also it resonates so well with me regardless#i cant word it pretty but i think its something about Casca and Guts both being victims and responding in opposite ways#and because they are so tightly linked you can almost see them as one victim experiencing the duality of victimhood#as an internal struggle made into two separate people#i flip flop between who i relate to more in relation to my own trauma#and there is plenty to criticize with the writing choices around Casca dont get me wrong#but as much as people criticize her mind breaking and turning into a shell of herself that needs constant help as something entirely negati#i sure as fuck was not given that space and care to be broken#its very nuanced but i think so few people write victims sympathetically that as much as turning into a mess can appear overdone#being cared for and given space and help and being allowed to be a burden is a powerful thing#and i find the expectation to be strong in the face of what you went though is much more common and damaging to me#anyway as many issues as i have i think Casca being allowed to be a victim as much a she was is why i love Berserk so much and while i thin#it could be better if some things were changed#but im not sure if it would have hit as hard and meant as much to me when i was wobbling between mindless rage and want for revenge#and just being broken and tired and weak and scared#reading Guts protect Casca like he did#showed me that that part of me could protect and is better off channeling the mindless rage into protecting whats important to me and what#needs it#letting me demand protection and love and sympathy for my weakest self in my darkest hours#i know im far from objective & my opinions are not universal#but the fact Casca is allowed to be a victim so fully and not just a hashtag girlboss who struggles her way out#well i wouldn't call Guts a girlboss but actually i think that's why it worked.#because between the two they cover the two ends of the common depictions of victimhood: forced to stay strong and allowed to be weak#anyway im about to hit tag limit i love you f you read this far and if you think this is horseshit then please don't say#if you think im right and sexy about it pile the love on meee<3
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caffeinatedopossum · 2 years
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*chanting* I do not have to justify my suffering I do not have to justify my suffering I do not have to justify my suffering I do no-
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vampmcr · 10 months
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why is it that ive been born into a family that knows how to push my buttons just right and make me feel suicidal just for them to bounce back like nothing ever happened whilst im there trying to pick up the pieces... like ive acc hit breaking point and why does 3 weeks in a psych ward sound like bliss to me right now
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I have noticed a recurring theme in the characters I like that they're far too nice and forgive people who've hurt them far too easily. "It's fine" "I never blamed you" "There's nothing you need to apologize for"
meanwhile I'm two steps behind them snarling over their shoulder going "c'mon let me beat them up please it'll make me feel SO much better and they DESERVE it"
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blueprint-han · 1 year
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did i make a mistake?
#sigh dawnie crush issues in the tags#so yeah fair warning#...........................................................................................................................................#idk man I just. i feel like instead of getting closer weve grown more distant ever since he asked me out and its killing me man#i dont wanna be hurt. im so fragile rn and just starting to heal from the years of trauma i faced in my family. when i try to talk#about any issue i have to him he just. ignores the text#or gives me a very dry response which hey. im not trying to say u should listen to my issues all the time. i get that some people dont want#to. but i would just much rather have someone tell me that directly yk? just a hey i dont do well with rants. but the thing is he said hes#fine with them. but then when i get nothing to address it i just. i feel hurt. like... ive started to wonder if hes just keeping the#relation for namesake at this point but ik that isnt true. weve only been dating 2 weeks or so i shouldnt judge so soon. but man its hard#to not overthink ive always been conditioned to do that. ive always been super excited when he plans a date (which he doesnt even call#a date) but when i try to plan smth its always that he has some other plan to attend to which again i get it im not the jealous date who#asks her s/o to be for her every waking moment but yk it does hurt and i feel instead of just letting it bottle up its better to admit it.#i tried to ask him to get cotton candy once and he said wed go the next day and then he forgot. never asked me a time or anything. i didnt#think of it much cuz hed gone to meet a friend outside the city and he mustve been tired. yesterday i asked him again and he said he was#again going outside the city to meet his 12th grader friend. man am i jealous of that girl who gets to spend more time with the guy#who asked me out than ive collectively spent with him#and no i dont mean this in a toxic way like “oh hes meeting other girls he shouldnt do that” i just. man i pictured so much out of my first#relationship. and i got nothing. not one thing out of it. i guess it makes sense cuz my love language is mostly physical touch and u cant#really do that in a campus in India. and its also wrong of me to hold him to such high standards of a perfect relationship when the guy#himself has been in one for the first time (i assume?) but like i said id rather not try to hide my emotions and express them out openly.#theres still so much more about this that i feel wrong but the thing is its confusing cuz i feel like the two years of torture in my house#has made it so that the trauma from never hearing i love you wnd words of affirmation from my parents has been reflecting off this place.#its wrong of me to do this but i expected everything that i couldnt recieve to be fulfilled in a relationship and i now realise how stupid#i was yk? cuz its wrong of me to put such harsh expectations on him like that. i feel like such a shallow person for getting depressed over#a relationship that has just been going for 1 week#theres also the thing where he generally seemed more excited to talk to me before? and now i just get the dryest responses ever out of#which no conversation can be built. and again im not expecting him to be online and respond immediately but a thoughtful response goes a#long way. again ik im being so harsh on him cuz its his first time too and he must be facing the same awkwardness im facing but jesus. i#ok my tags are over im continuing in a reblog
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weirdlizard26 · 1 year
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i need a whole server just to bitch abt 2012 splinter this man is driving me INSANE (in a bad way)
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phillytheclown · 6 months
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If I go to see my therapist next week and she refers to my eating habits as an eating disorder I will put a gun to my head right then right there
(This is meant to be silly but it sounds rlly bad)
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