#i constantly want to turn evil but its so against my nature

[nururu]

I hated sanjis shit with his siblings bc I went through the same shit (on a smaller scale) and responded the same way, with empathy and self sacrificial tendencies. not just bc I wanted to be loved&accepted by them but bc family meant so much to me. the way my older siblings were very cold and acted how they were supposed to act, while I was very sensitive and had specific interests that they'd shit on and wouldn't support. how I had siblings but was alone most of the time. I hated watching all of that so much bc even at the end neither him or I can bring ourselves to truly hate these ppl. we are too soft too empathetic too understanding. it's not fair that we were the targets but things aren't fair for them either.

[writingoddess1125]

Relationship Weirdness

Kurt Wagner x GN Reader Headcanon

Funny and Silly established relationship

Masterlist

This Link leads to Kurt Wagner- Or does it???

THE NICKNAME DILEMMA

• Kurt has a Love, Hate relationship with the seemingly endless stream of nicknames you seemed to have for him and how you constantly

• Sure he had ones for you, but all classic in affection!

• Like Schatz aka his treasure, or Engel! He loves calling you Engel, Liebling also, Sweetie too in English

• However from you he does get the 'Love' Or 'Babe' but also he gets-

• 'Fuzzy Butt!', 'Blueberry', 'Sugar Booger-'

• Some he was fairly sure one was a drug inudendos as well!

"Schatz- What is will the constant changing nicknames?" He ask you one day after you kiss his cheek and weirdly called him 'Sugar Booger'

"Do you not like them?" You ask, he shakes his head.

"Nein, I like them. It's just- Isn't that a slang? For a bad thing?" He questioned, watching a weird smile goes across your face as you suddently snort up his arm like you'd done a line off him.

"Yes- You my Blue Cocaine"

He stared at you with a deadpan stare, trying to hold back his laughs as he covers his face with his hands.

You're so fucking weird-

PHYSICAL AFFECTION FUCKERY

• Kurt's tail has a mind of its own especially with you, so more often then not it will be wrapped around you, sliding up and down your back, sliding across your thighs or trying to find its way into your hands.

• He never notices until you reciprocate the affection, often leaving to him being a blushing mess when you run your fingers up the velvet like tail-

• He is naturally very physically affectionate so will cuddle you or lean against you most times.

• Sitting on the couch? Kurt will slide in right next to you. Making dinner? He will lean his weight on your back and look to see what you're making- Personal Space doesn't exist

• While Kurt is Cuddly, You are grabby-

• His tail? His fluffy little ears? His sides? All fair game!

• Seeing two fuzzy asscheeks in the shower, you see how the hair sort of swirls like a cowlick-

• You can't help but touch them-

• Earning a loud surprised noise from Kurt as he turns to look at you quite literally messing with the hair on his ass

"Really?-"

THE BEARD ERA!

• Kurt is very feline like in nature and the facial hair adds to this as well it seems.

• He will like to rub his neck and cheek against you, sometimes giving a growl/rumble as he does so.

• You can protest all you want but he will just give you an evil smile and rub his cheek against yours harder before teleporting away to avoid the consequences for giving you mild rug burn on your cheek!

• When Kurt's beard starts growing thicker he gets some ingrowns on the part were his neck meets his head so you have to open pin him to get at them-

"Stop being a big baby! It's deep!" You yell as you pin your boyfriend, watching him squirm under you in protest as you get the tweezers closer to the series of bumps.

"NEIN! LASS EN IN RUHE!" He screamed as you get the tweezers to get a big ingrown that protruded from his skin.

"AHHHHHH!!!"

THE FOOD FIASCO

• Has very weird eating habits- You often forget he was raised in a circus in Germany so he eats like it too.

• AKA Hawaii Toast-

• Your mortal enemy and the thing that you are willing the kick box over in terms of the kitchen area. The first time you saw Kurt make it, you almost sobbed at this atrocity towards both Hawaii, Italy, Bread and maybe Humanity

• "What the fuck is that!?" You almost cry out as you see the monstrosity on the counter.

"Hawaii Toast-" Kurt says calmly as he butters bread, adds ham, a ring of pineapple and some kraft cheese on top before chucking it into the toaster oven while grabbing some ketchup-

You stare at him in horror as he makes direct eye contact with you and takes a bite of this- monstrosity

• He does know how to cook luckily even if he makes Hawaii Toast for himself- Him learning recipes from your culture and you learning from his. As well as taking turns with kitchen duty!

• For Drinks- Kurt is the Master! He can open any bottle, he can make the perfect pours! He knows the exact drink you'd like off the top of his head

"You're a fucking Wizard Blue-"

You say in awe as you watch Kurt make you a drink calmly, raising a brow as he opens the beer bottle with his tail like nothing.

"I know~"

[trans-androgyne]

hey, thank you for having and running this blog. you're doing the equivalent of gods work.

first, i'm sorry for the amounts of jerk anons you have to deal with. you literally articulate yourself very well and clearly, and still, people will find a way to twist it or not take it seriously. it reminds me of me "arguing" with terfs back in 2022 on twitter. (shudders.)

and second, how do you deal with the constant negativity? i have found myself doomscrolling the transandrophobia tag, and, well, to no ones surprise, my mental health is down the gutter. do you have any tips to deal with it? mainly with the transandrophobia in general? it is more than exhausting existing as a (gnc & enby) trans guy atm, and it's really getting to me. the thing is, I wouldn't mind it if it were non-queer bigots, but the fact it's coming from inside the community is devastating. i am more than hurt. this intense hatred for men and masculinity, queer, trans, or not, is incomprehensible to me. it never does anything good. anyone who says "i hate all men and anything masculine" is definitely going in the "yep that's either a radfem or a radfem hatchling" box. i partially understand as to why- i had a fear of men myself when i still identified as a girl, and slipped into the "all men bad. kill" side of the internet for a short while but ONLY because of this rhetoric ("you need to be afraid because there are men outside." , "men and masculinity are inherently predatory or dangerous")- but i got out of it because i saw how fucked it was eventually (thank goodness)- but nothing should ever be an excuse to excessively hate a gender or masculinity this badly. and its mostly gender essentialist bs anyways imo, so i do not understand it at all...it reminds me of people saying men/mascs cant be asexual because it's "in their nature to be sexual"- because testosterone. its hard. i just wish we all could respect each other. you're either "one of the bad bad evil men" or "noooooo not YOU. you're AFAB!! never!! youre a girl/woman in spirit!!" from my personal experience with terfs/radfems/idiots.

anyways, sorry for invading your anon space with this long rant, but i just wanted to leave this and the question. i hope you have a nice day/night, and thank you for reporting on transandrophobia as much as you do. it's sadly very much needed right now.

Thank you so much, this is such a kind ask to receive. To be honest with you: I don’t handle my mental health very well around it </3 It’s weighed on me pretty heavily these last few months especially. The things keeping me running this blog anyway are my passion for the transmasc community and lovely anons like yourself cheering me up. When it comes to trying to manage it, the most important thing for me has been finding people I can vent to about it who will understand. I’m lucky enough to have a wonderful discord server full of awesome trans people who will talk it through with me, and that’s been a life-saver. Staying offline for a bit and trying to engage in person with people who are unlikely to be transandrophobic towards you can be a nice relief. I catch myself doomscrolling constantly too, and it doesn’t feel great. If you need to set some sort of time limit on your phone even just to remind yourself not to do it, that’s helped me before and might help you too.

Having this much hatred levied at me for my identity from my own community lately has been devastating. I completely understand you. I’ve always been vocal about supporting transfems in particular, so it really hurts to see so many turn against me for speaking up. I understand how the queer community got this way, though. Antimasculinism has been an issue in queer and feminist spaces for ages. I think people are starting to notice it more and understand why it sucks and how much it negatively affects trans men and mascs. It feels like a losing battle sometimes with how much cultural feminism — the Men Bad Women Good flavor of pop feminism — has pervaded our communities and often led to very overt radical feminism that people still can’t always recognize because they don’t know anything about TERFs outside of them hating trans women. I believe the culture will start to shift soon such that people are able to recognize sexism and gender essentialism that harms all genders, and I will be doing my part to help that happen.

[builtbybrokenbells]

LEX TALIONIS | ORSUS (teaser)

the first ever sneak peak at my first ever fic for beloved twin lane. I hope you’re just as excited for this as I am 🤍

Masterlist | Taglist

“What game are you trying to play, sweetheart?” He asked, looking down at you with a raised eyebrow.

“That depends… what’s your favorite?” You smirked up at him, giving a bat of your eyelashes to cement the flirtation in your tone. He gave a low chuckle, neglecting a response, instead raising his beer bottle to his lips and tilting his head back. As he drank down the liquid, your eyes drifted towards the exposed columns of his neck, his Adam's apple bobbing with each long gulp.

You couldn’t help but think about how foolish he was to expose his very lifeline to you, and although you were not a being of mythical nature and blood was not exactly your thing, you were certain that your lips, or better, your tongue settled gently atop the skin of his jugular would send him straight to his knees. You were tempted to test it out, just to see if your assumptions were correct. You could lean forward and try, but you knew it was best to wait; he would run himself in circles for a few moments before he inevitably landed himself in that exact position.

As he pulled the bottle away from his mouth, the glisten of alcohol making the plush skin of his lips glisten under the dim bar light, his eyes drifted back down towards your face before his head dropped into its earlier position. He was silent for a moment, as if he was trying to understand you better, and then he spoke softly, leaning down so you could hear him over the boom of the stereo system.

“I don’t like games at all, angel.” The sultry tone sent a shiver down your spine, but you did not let it phase you any further than that. Before he could pull away, you turned your head inwards, just enough so that your nose would brush against his. At the sudden touch, he did not shy away like you expected. If anything, he seemed to lean further into you without any hesitation. At that moment, you understood that you were not playing with an amateur; any lesser man would shy away from your strong nature. If you had to admit, him being open to the advance made your desire to play him grow even stronger. “I saw you talking to Josh. Do you think you’re being sly? Playing hard to get?” He asked, the sheer power behind his soft tone making your knees weak and your stomach twist in a knot. “Or are you trying to make me jealous?” If only he knew how extensive your evil truly was, he would never have spoken at all and instead turn away to run. His accusations were nowhere near the atrocities you were intending to commit. “What, you have nothing to say, now? Finally have you cornered?”

“Just don’t think you’d like what I have to say, is all.” You said, placing your empty cup down on the bar top without breaking the position. His eyes were boring into your own, as if he was trying to make you submit to him. In truth, you found his confidence comedic. Of course, you’d give him what he wanted, but he’d be doing you more of a favor than you were doing him. It wouldn’t take him very long to put down the dominant facade and comprehend that he was not the one with the power. “Some things are better left unsaid, Jacob.”

A flame was dancing dangerously behind his pupil, letting you know that there was much more to his character if you looked behind the mask he constantly had on. It intrigued you, making you wonder what would happen if you continued to nurse it with gasoline. Perhaps the explosion would be quite enjoyable, even for days after the disaster. Russian roulette was a game that often seemed tempting, and playing it with Jake made it all the more enticing.

The lights were low, making it incredibly difficult to place the emotion in his eye. Even then, it didn’t matter; all men were the same, and he was already caught on your hook. He was irritated, annoyed at your evasion and your intent to engage in what seemed to be a tiresome game of cat and mouse, but it was not enough for him to lack interest in you. The scent of whiskey on your breath, casted warmly over his lips was drawing him in further, making him wonder if he could still taste it on your tongue if he acted fast enough. He thought he had the upper hand, that he was the one who was charming you, but he could not seem to see that he was playing the game the exact way you wanted him to. He was blissfully unaware, and you were ready for the kill.

“If it means that much to you, Jacob, I’m sure the bathroom is free. Maybe a quick stop might convince you of where my loyalty lies.” The corners of your lips twitched upwards into a small, wicked smile. “Beloved Joshua was never offered an invitation like that, now was he?”

TAGLIST: @gretavangroupie @wetkleenex-gvf @edgingthedarkness @clairesjointshurt @jordie-gvf @lallisonl @writingcold @dannys-dream @ageofbajabule @GVFstuddedmajesty @mackalah @watchingover-hypegirl @earthgrlsreasy @blacksoul-27 @ur-m0ms-blog @Lyndz2names @gretavanomens @josh-iamyour-mama @gretavangirlie @cxffeecakez @stardustjake @highway-tuna @peaceloveunitygvf @dancingcarbon @kiszkas-canvas @thewritingbeforesunrise @myownparadise96 @just-ambam @jakeyt

[kingbuffy]

Apologies for the shortness but I'm excited to finish my fic, and I feel like a sneak peak will help motivate me. The angsty Nero fic is in the works and I've got most of the story planned out at this point. Instead of chapter by chapter I'm planning on making it one loooong oneshot. Please enjoy!

_

Nero has always had an….interesting view of Sparda. Growing up on Fortuna, he too once believed that the Legendary Dark Knight was more god than demon, here to protect his worshipers and punish all evil. It wasn’t until he realized that the many adults in his life growing up considered Nero to be that very evil that his viewpoint began to skew from his peers. What did it mean to be human? And why was Sparda different from other demons? Why was Nero different from other humans? Father Herodes always said Nero had been blessed to carry a great burden, to constantly fight against his nature and be forced to purify his sins for the rest of his natural life. An honor to Sparda, Father had said.

Fuckofffuckofffuckoff

He shook his head, breaking his gaze from the stained glass effigy of Sparda he had been staring at the entire time Michael had been talking.

“You're sure it's a demon?”

Michael stopped his rant, pausing to consider Nero's question. 

“Well…we're not actually sure. Reports say it's very elusive, which isn't common for demons.”

Dante's proof of that.

“It seems like it has some intelligence, but doesn't seem like a higher demon, but the carnage it leaves is…concerning.” Nero raised a brow.

“Possession?” He suggested. Michael grimaced, clearly uncomfortable with that idea, as if Nero is anymore comfortable with it either. Perhaps the man just believes Nero to be used to such things. Which…yeah…he can see why he would think so.

“Perhaps, but we can't be sure. It seems less like it's hunting and more like it's searching for something, merely attacking anything or anyone in its way.” 

Nero barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes, he wished Michael would cease the dramatics and let him get to work already. 

“Sounds like possession to me, not sure what's so different about this one.”

Michael visibly swallowed, and his old eyes were grave. It was as if his thirteen years as a grunt for the Order had finally caught up to him, and Nero knew at that moment what exactly kind of thing they was dealing with. He knew, but he longed for Michael to say anything else.

“Normally I would agree but…this thing doesn't hold the shape of a human like a possessed person does,” his gaze turned to the intricate Sparda effigy that had held Nero's attention earlier. “It looks and acts like a hybrid, and it's been skulking around Headquarters, Fortuna Castle, the old Fortuna orphanage.” 

“...the old orphanage? Why?”

Michael avoided Nero's eyes, “I was hoping you would know more than anyone.”

Nero sneered, his thinly veiled disgust hiding the dread churning in his gut. “Right, of course, because the Angel of Death would smell the blood in the water right? You bastards are so predictable.” 

Guilt flashed in Michael’s expression but Nero had already turned away. 

“No! I-”

“Save it for confession Mike, send me the details before Saturday. I'll take the job.” And with that Nero threw up the two finger salute and shut the doors to the chapel on his way out none too gently.

Dammit.

This is the last thing he needs. From keeping Devil May Cry in business, to helping to repair the damage to Redgrave, to maintaining his life on Fortuna, Nero's feeling a little stretched thin without a blast from his past coming in and mucking it up. On top of all that, the return of his father and uncle from Hell has thrown him off his already shaky equilibrium. He does not want to unpack his relationship with either of them let alone his relationship with himself. The Order may not be what it once was, but it still manages to fuck up what little peace he has. 

Damn hybrids. Damn the Order. Damn Sparda.

[the-martyrfication-of-the-matron]

Soooooo got any angst ideas about the destroyer is your rewrite ? Like him having nightmares or just being trapped in the nether wondering what happen to Irene ? Or his hatred towards the divine warriors even though he actually rightfully mad ?

I greatly appreciate the erasure of Shad's name when talking to me, its a dumbass name

anyways

TW, mentions of violence, using a slightly gory/graphic description to describe physical sensation, typical Shad-convo stuff

What is he if not my angsty boy? My angsty wife, that's what.

Anyways, so my baby, right, he's not got himself a physical form in the nether/the Shadow Abyss (it's just 'the abyss' in LR for aesthetic reasons, the girlies that get it, get it), due to him being like violently murdered to the point his physical body was no longer suitable for life. However, regardless of this, he experiences near-constant phantom pains from every injury he ever sustained, healed or otherwise. Also, being only his own shadow is a very... vulnerable-feeling experience. It would be equivalent to walking around without your skin on, all of your nerves and muscles exposed. Pain. Which provides one very good motivation for someone to, idk, try and gain a physical form to try and stop the agony of your existence. which could lead him to redemption in a very 'i did what i had to in order to survive, just like everyone else' way, but.... idk, i dont know if i want to redeem him. I like how not-a-good-person he is.

Judgement (suprisingly a canon name for him, his actual name in my rewrite, because he's the OG edgelord) is plagued near-constantly with visions. Every Divine has visions of some sort, whether they're clairvoyant, or prophecies, or something. Judge's specifically are of... like... destruction. End of days, mass murders, wars, etc. it's his domain but it doesn't make it any easier to see them. It also means he dreams of his own death on a frequent basis. not fun for him.

Also, he's pretty sure he knows what happened to Irene, he was married to her for a very long time, he knew the kind of person she was. She banished him under the guise of ending all evil, and left to keep up that ruse instead of doing her duty to stay and protect people. He does think about it often, very very annoyed about it. It's another thing that leads him to do what he does. He's wondering just how many people have to die before she's willing to set aside her pride and face him. He never self-reflects on how many people have to die before he's willing to set aside his hatred.

He's spiteful towards the other divine, but he doesn't hate them, not like he hates Irene. I mean he does hate them... just kind of not as much as Irene. The others he expected to turn against him eventually, because his nature was always unfavourable, but she was meant to be his equal, they were both equally as destructive as each other (ironically).

A lot of his existence is more physically painful, he's able to cope with the visions and the bad memories, and the thoughts of 'what if' in his mind by channelling it all into anger, but things start slowly derailing upon him and Aphmau/Avra's first contact, and he doesn't understand why until he realises who she is. From there, he is the mayor of Angst town, population however-many-mcd-characters-exist.

[maeve-is-annoying-about-books]

Blue Eye Samurai

Is really fucking good, but in such a strange sort of way. It feels like it flows with and goes against convention all at once. The show will play up an anime trope about training weights in one moment, and then in the next will deliver one of the most striking fight scenes that paint a visual pastiche of the characters within. Mizu barely needs to speak to communicate the depths of her determination and hatred, meanwhile Fowler is extremely plain an upfront about speaking his evil. Mizu spent an entire episode climbing a castle filled with fantasy traps. But when it comes time to seal the deal on this heightened sense of fantasy the show stopped and slapped me with an ice-cold bucket of reality. More in-depth spoilers to follow.

Moon above the visual storytelling in this show feels so on-point. I cannot believe that a show with a literal *takes training weights off* moment could be the same show that made the episode "The Ronin and the Bride". Then for that same fucking episode to take its own training weight joke and elevate it into character dialogue. Like that's insane to even think of doing but the writers really did make it into something genuinely beautiful. The FUCKING training weights trope.

I think this incredulity sums up my feelings about Blue Eye Samurai. It can feel so... discordant at times, but it keeps sewing that discord into something touching and creative. Or bone-chilling and stomach-turning. But when this show has me it's by the throat, I can't look away from Mizu's journey.

And like... what a journey of someone constantly caught in two worlds. It's the way her mixed-race nature never lets Mizu settle anywhere but the outskirts of society. Others keep calling her an onryo or demon at each turn, but it's not just for her eyes but all of the "otherness" she has accumulated. It's in the way he scorns womanhood because it offers no path towards the revenge he wants. It's how she'll never be society's view of manhood because honor has no use to her. It's in how he can fit into the crowd with a little aid from his glasses, but is just as "marked" by society as Ringo is. The way she could almost find happiness as a wife, but only by being himself and finding genuine enjoyment in sparring. It's the way he has to learn, through the metaphor of reforging his sword, that she cannot do things alone yet. Yet at season's end she hasn't her blade or friends, only a ship with Fowler.

You've noticed me playing with Mizu's pronouns a bit now, haven't you? Considering how much this show directly deals with gender and its presentation, I think it's only fair. I know what the creators have said, pertaining to Mizu's gender, but I don't think it's something that can be put into simple words. I guess I get the feeling that it isn't incorrect to use other pronouns when referring to him. Like it's too complicated a discussion within the show itself, and it simply lets each character beat be without the others giving us a conclusion. Is the scene of Mizu writing poetry upon herself an acceptance of her womanhood, or is an acceptance of the female body he was born with? I like that it's left to be demured. To simply exist in the moment like we're overhearing Mizu's dialogue with themself about who and what they are outside of vengeance. It's honestly a bit beautiful and meditative.

Which makes it all the more of a shocking, horrid moment when Fowler realizes Mizu's birth sex. Not only is it in the most fucked up, sadistic way, it's also an invasion. An invasion into Mizu's dialogues, into their fight, into the scene. It almost feels out of place, jarring, like being struck by the words. The castle is burning down and murder is in the air and Fowler is talking about how Mizu's bones break like a woman's. It's the height of intrusiveness onto her being.

Just... gosh. How could I hope to summarize this series in one post? There's so much to talk about and it's so good. The show kept me engaged with the right amount of show, don't tell where it counted. There are mistakes, missteps, missed opportunities, but they all allow for this story to really exist in its own language. Like Mizu's sword it is a thing not like many others. Its component pieces are hard to weave into a coherent, whole story and there's always the allure of sanitizing your work to be overly pure. But it is, I think, better for it to let itself be unique. To be wholly itself without excuse.

[stargirlie25]

Ok scrolling through acotar tiktok KILLS ME. Its not the og tiktok with cool edits of ships that you prefer its just pure toxic hate.

Like me, you might have noticed there are few and few Gwynriel/elucien content then Elriel content. I don´t believe it is because they dont ship these ships anymore i think its because they are tired.

When i was neutral (about a year ago) on the ships wars, i would CONSTANTLY see Elriels being so confident about their ship and how acosf pointed to an elriel endgame. I had not read acosf by then and when i did+ the bc i didn´t hate elriel i just started to love Gwynriel.

Sometimes sarah likes to put positive factors on a ship, like something beautiful without there having to be a whole theory. Because sarah does not expect her readers to be theorists. She wants them to laugh,cry,giggle,scream. etc. So when she was writing the BC which according to elriels are not important she probably wanted us to look at Gwyn and Azriel and consider her obvious wording and differences between elriel and gwynriel. According to elriels the BC isnt important and does nothing to contribute into plots,but also it introduces Gwyns lightsinger powers? Whatever that is not even my point right now. My point is, at first glance at the BC everybody should be more positive towards Gwynriel. SJM put out a free bonus chapter. Why should something heavy like a characters powers be in there? Its supposed to be a light hearted thing. Im just tired of Elriels saying we are delusional or our ship is a crackship.

I never hated Elriel before. All the anti elriel stuff i have mentioned is everything i was already aware of before ´´hating´´ elain and az together. I was still neutral even with all those negavtives.

Its the fandom that made me turn around and choose Gwynriel. I noticed Gwynriel and Elucien content was much more surrounding pro content for their ship and cute headcanons,cannons,edits,fanarts etc. It rarely EVER mentioned anti Elriel information. Except the elriel content then and now, all revolves around Gwynriel and Elucien. Instead of promoting their ship, they have to tear down our ships and say we are crazy.

It was like: Elriel vs Gwynriel and it said that gwynriel was fanon and elriel was canon. Thats´ just false but i understand i cant change that which i dont mind but why scream about it to my face? I saw people bullying Gwyn and saying she was faking her trauma,lured in hyberns men or was evil for the sake to uplift elriel/elain. I saw people bully emerie too calling her a crippled fake illyrian and how it was stupid for emerie to win the blood rite against her cousin. Or how somehow emerie was a b*tch and does not deserve to be a valkyrie+ nesta and gwyn. I saw people make edits to uplift Elain and hate Gwyn. I witnessed people dismissing Luciens trauma and comparing him to his father. I saw people say he faked the bond to protect tamlin or what not. I saw people make up theories for Clotho saying she was odd because she said she was going to give Gwyn the necklace but probably didnt....

That was my last straw. So yes naturally i did in fact shift to the Gwynriel/elucien side. It was easier. Instead of the bullies i saw cute videos of ´´Azriel and Gwyn singing´´ or ´´Elain and lucien picking flowers´´ it was all just so lighthearted and beautiful.

Although i think the fandom for G/A and E/L decreased because they are tired. Because i was tired too. I did not even want to enter acotar tiktok because i knew we would all be bashed for it. Dont get me wrong i find myself sometimes leaving comments on Elriel videos. Not the ones with a cute edit or fanart the ones the share false information or something i disagree with. I only hope for a civil talk and next thing i know, there is a whole gang of elriels trying to push their narrative on me without listening.

Honestly the ship wars have always existed but before Elucien was the calmer side. Although sadly they got roped into the mess of the G/A vs, A/E wars. WIthout a doubt on every single Elucien video, elriels never miss a step. It would be a cute video like a fanart of them and they will start being like ´´ElAinS So UNComFOrtabLE aROUnd hiM´ like you guys ask us why we ship elucien when mentioning this but its like you dont even want an answer you just want to disagree. We tell you and you flat out ignore it.

As much as i love Gwynriel/Elucien i cant help but miss the days were reading ACOTAR was for all the characters. When it was just to see my favorites like Nesta. When i just desperately wanted to get to the iconic epic scenes.

I know if e/riel was confirmed, Elriels would firstly shove it in Eluciens and gwynriels faces and then maybe celebrate the characters.

I know Gwynriels/eluciens would too and i honestly want to see none of that. Yes i do believe we are getting Gwynriel/Elucien but i would not want to make people feel bad for their ship. They by all means can still love elriel. So many people like feylin,nesris,Aelin x chaol,aelin x dorain, and obviously aelin x sam (my endgame if rowan never existed) dramoine,klaroline,stelena,stiles x malia, Jelly,Bellarke,clexa,Rory x those 4 other guys etc etc.

Main point, Can we all just do better? Yes i am talking about elriels for my sake and lots of others peoples sakes but to everyone PLEASE.

I know that wont work though even if i say it because im only one human hahah

What im going to say is we should tag all our posts to our preferred ship and probably always put anti to the ship we dont like. That way everything is divided and less toxic. Also i will be tagging nothing to do with ship wars because i want everyone to see haha but please be nice!

This is just my experience btw im sure Elriels have has their fair treatment of toxic Gwynriels/Eluciens

[moreespressoformydepresso]

What infuriates you most about descendants? From books and movies?

Mal.

More specifically her botched character from descendants 2 onwards and the way it affects the outcome of the story. She started out as a really good character and then the writing ruined her.

Okay so how to explain this in a reasonable word count? My biggest issue with Mal is that she seems to backslide on character development constantly. It’s not a one off, and Dove Cameron’s acting and singing cannot save Mal from the fact that two whole movie plots were caused by her doing something that makes no sense from any angle. To be clear: I like Mal… in D1. The first movie, while suffering from the same general weirdness as all Disney channel movies, is pretty good and Mal has a well-written arc. Its only problem is time constraint, but I can live with it being a little rushed and surface level because it’s Disney and it’s just one movie. It will forever grind my gears that Mal makes the emotional “we be good now” speech when she was literally the only one actively still trying to follow the plan, but again it’s Disney and she’s the main character. My only real critique is that Jay, Evie, and Carlos should have been the one giving the “we don’t want to be evil” speech rather than have Mal list out why her friends don’t want to be evil when they clearly already know (as shown in the montage during If Only’s reprise). But whatever, girl who’s never known anything other than how to be evil learns how to be good and find herself thanks to the love of her life. Compelling nature vs nurture story.

Then Descendants 2 rolls around, and the issues start popping up. Audrey doesn’t exist in the movie, which sucks because I feel like this movie should have at least acknowledged the consequences of Mal’s previous evil behavior (and also I like Audrey), but I can live with that. What I cannot live with is Mal being a horrible (girl)friend and making boneheaded decisions despite supposedly being a better person than she was before. I like the concept of someone breaking under the stress of adapting to an environment that is the complete opposite of what she’d known before, especially with the added pressure of being on the road of becoming the queen of Auradon, but as you may have guessed I find the execution severely lacking. My main gripe is that Mal’s reaction is stupid and goes against what the first movie told us. When you break, you cannot be expected to make great decisions, but Mal went through the trouble of enchanting her scooter to get through the barrier (which makes me ask all kinds of questions about the questionable security of the barrier, but whatever) and then actually went there, and chose to stay there even when her friends came to get her, practicality abandoning all of them even after she had time to calm down and think things through. That’s no longer just the stress. Mal was a better friend when they were all villains who don’t do love than she was when she’d supposedly turned good.

Supposedly, she’s learning to be a good person. But she lies about using magic and then abandons everyone without a word after a freakout where Ben’s clearly not even mad about the magic. She could have left a damn note, said goodbye, explained herself, but no. And that’s me going along with the whole leaving thing at all, but honestly even that’s a massive overreaction. Her issue is the pressure that comes with being the king’s girlfriend, that’s got nothing to do with being good, so why didn’t she just break up with Ben? It would’ve honestly been nicer than not breaking up with him and leaving for the isle forever without telling him where she’s going. This, of course, gets Ben kidnapped by pirates. Mal wants to help save him after making a dumbass bet (which was all kinds of stupid) that forced her to give the pirates Fairy Godmother’s want (idk how it would work inside the barrier that blocks magic but sure) but she still plans on staying on the isle. Okay fine, if that’s where she’s happy, but could she maybe talk to her friends and boyfriend about this at least once?!?! Then of course she goes back to Auradon anyways.

In case you haven’t noticed, everything Mal does in D2 is selfish. Not once does she consider anybody else’s feelings. Only a glimpse in Space Between but that’s a single song and all it comes down to is “we’ll still be together” which, to me, hangs a lampshade on the fact that Mal can leave with her scooter whenever she wants and all the kids stuck on the isle can’t. Nobody considers them, except for the antagonists of the movie. Not once does Mal, who is supposed to have grown from being evil, consider anybody else’s feelings in her decision making. Even accepting she’s going back to her evil upbringing, which could be interpreted as a way to show how abuse victims will often chose what’s familiar over what’s actually good for them, there should be something there to show us she isn’t actually the rotten being she pretends to be. You know, since the whole point of the first movie is that she’s not a bad person but pretending to be because that’s what she’s been taught is who she must be? It invalidates the whole first movie. But it gets even worse, because now we finally get to Descendants 3.

The absolute lowest of lows Mal’s character sees in the trilogy of movies, D3 made me hate her to the core of my very being. Not only does she have the same issue as she did in D2 where all her decisions are driven by selfishness with a callous lack of care for literally anybody else, she now lacks even the paperthin excuse of pressure getting to her. Stress and being overwhelmed can make people do stupid things, which is why I gave Mal leeway and didn’t hate her necessarily. I just didn’t really like her anymore. D3 took that leeway together with any and all character development Mal had over the previous two movies, rolled it up into a ball, and threw it out of a skyscraper’s highest window to splatter it onto the pavement below. One villain (who is her dad) almost gets through the barrier and her immediate reaction is to screw over every single innocent child on the isle and lock the barrier forever?!?! What the fuck is wrong with this chick?! I meant what I said in my post about the descendants boys, Ben should’ve told her that if she thinks the risk of one villain getting out is more important than the lives of thousands of abused children, then by her logic they should throw the kids they’ve already brought over back on there too. After all, there’s a risk they may still want to be villains given Mal’s little freakout in D2, tHe RiSk’S jUsT tOo HiGh! Those villains were dealt with by like- three heroes each. You mean to tell me all of them combined cannot handle that? Bring some guards with you next trip and don’t drag your feet when you close the barrier behind you next time, problem fucking solved! Or don’t tell anyone when you’re gonna go get the kids??? No one followed the core four out, and despite this oh so massive risk Mal’s so worried about she sure as fuck wasn’t worried about opening the barrier to go get Hades’ amber! Then Gil and Harry came out and guess what? They helped the main crew because all they wanted was to get off the isle. Mal didn’t just not oppose this cruel, extreme idea… she came up with it. Supposedly she’s a better person now, but her first reaction to her perfect life being slightly threatened with the possibility of issues (not even ruin, just issues), was to disregard every single child who’s just like her (if not better, because their parents weren’t the literal mistress of evil) and damn them to a life in hell on earth, an existence of nothing but crime and poverty and starvation and abuse! How can she be anything but selfish and mean and cruel with a thought process like that?! Her literal reason is that she wanted to protect her and her friends’s new life! So apparently in her mind, now that she has everyone she cares about off the isle, it’s not worth caring about the isle anymore. She has who she wants off, and fuck everybody else. Then she lies to everybody about it being her idea because she needs Uma and her crew to defeat Audrey, meaning she knows full well that what she’s doing is horribly shitty.

That’s what truly gets me, actually. If she genuinely believed this was the right thing to do, if she truly, 100% believed that there was no better solution and this is what had to be done… why did she lie? Why didn’t she explain herself with good arguments? Well… because there aren’t any. This was the worst possible solution, and she knows that, but it’s the best way to ensure her happily ever after isn’t threatened so who gives a shit? (Everybody else, but clearly Mal doesn’t care about that). She lies so she can use Uma, Harry, and Gil. She lies so her friends won’t get mad at her for her horrible behavior. She lies, because it suits her. Because it gives her the happy ending she wants, and that’s all she cares about. Then when this fails, she decides to go the other extreme route of breaking the fucking barrier so she can be queen of both Auradon and the Isle. That’s her literal reason. She says it herself. Even when she makes a “good” decision, it’s just to serve her. To give her more power. I know the message it’s supposed to send is that bullshit about evil not being inherent but fuck that. I don’t believe it, and I really wish we got to see the moment right after the credits where the villains do what they promised they would: take over Auradon and destroy everything, because some of them were on there for a very good reason. The whole point of the two previous movies was that we shouldn’t judge or condemn people based on what their parents did, but on what they do themselves. I have no idea how that means not judging the parents for their own actions either, and frankly it’s so stupid and shortsighted I’ll leave it there. There’s a reason I completely ignore the ending of descendants 3.

Anyways, what I’m saying is that after the first movie Mal’s character just kept getting worse and worse and I cannot stand her anymore. She’s selfish and mean and doesn’t give a shit about anyone but herself, and the narrative tries desperately to convince us she’s a good person deep down but with everything she’s done I just can’t buy it anymore even though I want to. They began well, with a good story about recovering from trauma, and somehow it ended up with them making trauma survivors look even worse than popular media usually does and I hate it. They tried to write a complex villain protagonist who learned to become a better person and escaped from the family cycle that’s implied to exist in Evil Like Me, which is good, but then they fucked it up. Badly. And I cannot stand Mal’s character with how she’s written, nor can I stomach the massive gap between who Mal is and who the narrative incessantly insists she is.

As you can tell I have many feelings on this, and I have a lot more to say but I’ve tried to not make this too long. I hope you enjoyed reading my rant because it was very cathartic to write :).

[corpsepng]

re: group-think and thought-control and your two examples (dusty internet corner think tanks and radical bipartisanship) i think it definitely DOES still count, only that the central figure of unquestionable power has shifted from a concept of a leader to an enemy... its not about blindly worshipping god anymore so much as it is about blindly fighting against what you are taught to perceive is the devil. and i think that's almost more dangerous, this rallying AGAINST an 'other'/outsider instead of FOR an 'other'/outsider...

sorry you didn't ask LOL i just have thought about this before and noticed this slow transition of focus... same techniques they're just being weaponized differently...

Ok I’m going to kind of ramble hold on

Perhaps it’s the Information Age in which we live where the currency of data trumps the charisma of the singular but like. I think you’re so right. The invention of the other or “them” isolates and entangles followers just as effectively as a single person inventing the “us”. In traditional definitions a singular person and conduit of a singular doctrine of ideas and power was required to maintain control in what we think of as cults or fascist regimes.

But nowadays those same symptoms of group think and control are seen in entirely decentralized spaces- best seen on the internet. The concept of the idea and the information fleshing it out has evolved into what I can only accurately describe as a creature? Where it grows the more eyes and minds and voices it has but can mutate and asexually reproduce into smaller factions under the freedom of forum discussion. There is so much secret sneaky hate speech online that you have to be CONSTANTLY vigilant unless you want to accidentally adopt it without knowing where it comes from. The language is the tool.

Like, people are quite literally indoctrinating themselves. There’s no evil big bad Guy at the top of any of these micro movements. Usually at least. And we know. FACTUALLY know. These Are slip n slides into racist and white supremacist and antisemitic and transphobic etc thought. No amount of education on dog whistles and red flags can prepare you for something that is constantly changing with the man power of an internet collective and impossible to pinpoint in a faceless comment army.

I think it’s way more dangerous nowadays the nature of the internet, it’s ability to create these intense micro communities, enables a culture of self policing to remain within the community as opposed to a policing imposed by a singular force (that you could then blame/oppose when the community no longer serves you). I love my niche little community here, but so easily something as harmless as an aesthetic can transform.

The idea AND the “leader” is the power of people. and some are so deeply embroiled in it that it’s us or them without someone to look up to. I honestly think the quickness at which some groups turn into webcults is symptomatic of how isolation and demeaning capitalism is. I could go on and on about how the old structures were like substrate for these new ones to bloom but I think we all get it already. Sometimes I think the phenomenon has bifurcated too.

Hate groups and propaganda thought creature communities on one side, and totally “benign” idolatry in the modern cult of celebrities on the other. The way some people are so fucking QUICK to defend a stranger bc they’re a celebrity is as dangerous and brainwashed as a real cult, and most of the time the celebrity has nothing to do with the community that’s gathered around them to worship them. It’s fucking WEIRD. all bc the internet gives us intimate and encouraged access to the lives of people we do not know and will never know. Again, commodification, capitalism, etc.

The most heinous situations are those celebrities that see the following they’ve amassed and weaponize it- those I think are cults closer to traditional definitions even if mostly online. And even if they don’t have the same hallmarks. Sometimes an online life and fandom is as draining and isolating as the real life work a brick and mortar cult might do. Give your resources, time, energy, love, renounce those who do not understand, support the leader blindly, etc.

idk. I could probably go on for another 87 pages but I won’t lmao

I hope this made sense <<33

[star--nymph]

In regards to Dolly, was she just found? Did Artemis procure her by some unholy means or more just pure happenstance end up discovering her and then go, yes, mine, mine now, love this abomination against human existence, takin’ her home naming her Dolly and giving her all the things because how can he not when she’s that adorable. But also like is there a plan for her beyond grow and become what you wish, as I end up thinking, if she doesn’t have a focus like Artemis, will she not just become the greater danger if/when Kass puts a bullet in his head. Or is she like a hidden sleeper that if one could look beyond the lens of vengeance for a hot minute one might see that Artemis? Likely not the worlds worst possibly enemy to have for as absolutely wretched he is. If I’m interpreting Dolly’s bio correctly.

(tw- implied child abuse--and no not by Artemis)

Ho, okay so. To explain how Artemis got her means I have to explain Dolly’s entire thing in full, so sit back because this is going to get into some world building and cosmic nonsense.

(Side note: I love how every time someone asks about how Artemis got Dolly, it’s ‘WHAT THE FUCK DID HE DO’ and ‘DID HE STEAL HER’ to which the short answer is no, this is very much a ‘I have fucked my self into a situation I can not fuck my self out of’)

So Eua’s creation and its many Elder Gods are shrouded in mystery. What’s known is at some point many eons ago, the elder gods that had physical manifestations had some kind of battle with each other and it reformed the planet. Some elder gods vanished, some supposedly went to sleep, and some dissolved and became one with the planet. The battles or perhaps the bodies themselves left behind pockets of scars, deep tainted holes that corrupting the land and creatures near it, becoming deadly to most other beings. Somehow, humanity sprung out of all this and built their world off what could be the very remains of their gods. Cities built on what could be giant chairs, expose hands, only temples, skulls, and arms. Humanity having to constantly fight and form their world against strange giant beasts that jump from endless festering holes, eventually uniting under one flag to battle against them. This is the climate that society on all fronts was based on with Eua. There are gods, there is some semblance of magic or power left over from them, and there are monsters that will kill you if you wander too close to these uninhabitable lands, if nature doesn’t kill you first. Hell, it’s why the military split into two fractions: the human fraction and the beast fraction (and yes being aside to the beast fraction is considered the worse of the two).

As a result of all this, religion is a funny thing on Eua. There’s not really a question of ‘is there a god’ because the answer is ‘yeah look out your damn window, I’m pretty sure your Vespa is parked in one’. The questions are more ‘why are the gods asleep’, ‘are they still alive?’ ‘Can they hear us?’ ‘Do they care?’. There’s also the concept of the abstracts of cosmic gods, one that they CANT see but know exist in theory, or the concept of death on Eua, in which most people believe that most souls turn into stars and some souls get stuck on the earth for one reason or another ghosts—and that evil souls rot in an empty abyss until they are rendered down to nothing by sheer weight of oblivion. I want to describe all this because I don’t want anyone to get the idea that religion on Eua is a bad thing or that its an atheist society. There are very much religion, the study of the gods, the respect and belief in the land itself, and they are varied and nuanced just like our world.

And THEN we get to underground cults. Now these guys are the little freaks who want to start playing with shit they shouldn’t. They want to name gods, contact them, harness their powers, even wake them up (which is insane because we’re talking beings that are anywhere from giant leviathans to FORMLESS CONCEPTS BEYOND HUMAN PALE). Some of this can be harmless, the equivalent of like using an oujia board and telling your friends that Jesus just spoke to your and he says buy more nfts. But then there’s the people that hide in what they believe are centers of powers deep underground and out of the sight of society—and some are depicted to the study and deep reflection of their chose god. But others go too far and start using any means to contact them.

(You're probably wondering where Artemis falls in between all this and the answer is none because Artemis doesn't ask for worship of a god, he's specifically demands worship of him. His platform is fuck the gods, I'm hotter and so are you.)

With that I can touch upon one specific cult known as the Cult of the Butterfly. Situated in a cave network and it’s temple carved into solid rock, the Cult of the Butterfly is dedicated to a creator entity known by several names: The Cosmic Weaver, The Reality God and the Butterfly. The Butterfly is a being believed to exist on a higher plane, weaving into reality both time and different worlds. It is one of many creators of gods, but it’s realm is that of sewing all universes into one big tapestry, never meeting but endlessly connected through the same threads and a singular hand. Occasionally, The Butterfly will take a physical form of a butterfly which wings encompass every color and light and fly through its realities. It's believed catching a glimpse of it in it's physical form will give you a glimpse of the scope of the cosmos (why you would want that is anyone's guess, though).

Reasonable, I suppose, that this cult exists except it's main desire isn't to simply worship or by chance see The Butterfly. Members of the cult want to specifically awaken the Butterfly, turn its gaze upon them, and capture it--and they believe the best course of action is to make it listen to them. But listen requires loudness, it requires being so loud the universe can not ignore you. It requires loud, painful, agonizing screeching the likes of which not a single being can simply turn away from.

You see where I'm going with this.

It's here that Artemis, chasing his own pursuit on how to unlock godhood, that he's introduced to the Cult of the Butterfly and the Red Priestress--otherwise known as Phoebe Evans. Call it his own holy pilgrimage, he had gained access through another cult he had been studying with and was allowed to look through their archives under Phoebe supervision. Now the thing is about Phoebe, without giving too much away, is she that she's her own brand of awful. A spoiled brat whose endless drive for ego and power drove her from being just a high school mean girl into a full blown tyrant of her own cult. Where Artemis is a bottomless pit of hatred, Phoebe is overflowing fountain of egomania.

Turns out, they were into that. So, ya know, they fucked. I mean they didn't like each other but were they turned on? Yes, absolutely. Sometimes you find someone you utterly loud and also want to bang. It happens. Then Artemis went on his way, found exactly what he was looking for, and erupted out of a literal hole as the new stunning god of this forsaken world and Phoebe was pissed.

Not because she liked him or anything but because he did the impossible and he did it because he was already a freak of nature. He found a way to be somehow already the most powerful thing in the world and then jump the shark from humanity into actual godhood. That was supposed to be Pheobe. That should be Pheobe. And now she's finding out that she can't because she's normal human and to be human means you can't cross that fucking line?

No, absolutely not there is a way.

Then Phoebe finds out she's pregnent and she's figures out, alright. So she can't become God, but what's second best to God? How about the Mother of God.

So here's the thing. I have not exactly figure out the next part of this or how she did it. All I know is that Phoebe does manage through a heighten dream state to meet on the same plan as The Butterfly, grab it, and eat it--allowing it to find its home in the fetus inside her. Nine months later, a child with cosmic eyes is born unto it and Phoebe...is not happy. Because besides the whole eye deal, this child is normal. Just a random newborn baby. Boring, useless, weak. This is not what she was looking for. She wanted to be the Mother to user in The Butterfly's wisdom to the world, not spend her time changing diapers, waiting for it to wake the hell up in this infant's skull and realize its divinity. If you haven't notice, Phoebe, as ambitious as she is, isn't exactly patient. So she returns to the original plan; trying to wake The Butterfly up, just now in a new form.

Phoebe is not kind to her new child/new god. She doesn't have to be. If she's a real god, then she can withstand what she does next. If she isn't, then she can start all over.

Three months later, Artemis--back on the surface and just turn his own crime gang into a full-blown culure--gets word that Phoebe gave birth. Considering he was told that cult doesn't get many visitors and there were exactly many men in it, well...Like I said, Artemis fucked himself into a situation he could not fuck himself out of, so he might as well go check.

Cut to him arriving to a blood covered temple and finding his child bound to an alter by chains. Now I won't say exactly what happened with Phoebe or the Cult of the Butterfly after that but lets just say after that day, they weren't operating anymore. Artemis unchained Dolly, fell in love with at first sight, and decided that if she's going to look like a little doll, she might as well be called that--besides, one of his mother's favorite songs she used to sing to him was Hello, Dolly. He likes to think she would have liked the name. Dolly responded by blinking and her cosmic eyes changed to his violet. And that was that.

And so was the story of how Artemis came to find Dolly. Completely was not his fault for once but he must say, it was the best and only good thing he's ever done.

As for what Dolly is, well. She both a natural thing and abomination. It's a very odd thing to be both a human child (because for all intents and purposes, Dolly is human) and also be cosmic god. She is hopelessly in between mortality and immortality--all knowing and still learning. For Dolly, it's like her brain is a giant book but she does not have the reading level to understand what's in front of her. One day she will, and her powers are going slowly everyday, but at the same time, she is a very normal eight year old girl with a very normal eight year old body. If she pushes too hard, her the god part of her might start to awaken and break out of her, return to where it's supposed to be. Like, by virture of what the Butterfly was, it was never supposed to be IN a timeline. Being IN a timeline now means instead of there being a SINGLE VERSION OF ITSELF there are now SEVERAL VERSIONS OF THEMSELVES ACROSS TIMELINES AND WORLDS. AND THESE VERSIONS CAN NOT MEET OR EXISTENCE WILL RIPE APART.

Dolly is THAT. She's not the end all, be all but she's sure up there as far as concepts go and now she's an eight year old girl who is both extremely old and extremely new at the same time and all she wants to do is draw pictures her and her father holding hands.

And for the record Artemis is aware and he loves her. He doesn't want anything from her except to love her. The fact that Dolly is an actual literal god and he's technically running a grift was incidental and would be kind of funny if he wasn't violently aware that one day Dolly will be on her own and lose her less shard of humanity and any awareness she has of him along with it.

As for what he has planned for her. Just for her to grow up. Dolly wasn't in the plans and the plans were just to destroy the world. She comes along and he decides 'well, why not destroy the world, remake it, and then give it to her after I'm done?' It'll be like baby's first planet. Trial run for when she goes out and starts being literal god.

My plans for Dolly? I don't know. I mean part of me does know but it would be kind of a spoiler for her development. I have a storyline as Dolly gets older but that's so far in the future right now. Dolly could be a danger as she grows or she could turn out to be a benevolent or just uninterested. The problem I think for everyone else outside of Artemis, like Kassandra and Blaine, is that despite seeing the powerset Dolly has, it's hard not see her as just a little girl--and that she might not turn out to be anything more than that. She's just little kid with, yes, a bad father but there's a chance she won't end up like him. There's a chance she could change. Right now, I think when Kassandra looks at Dolly she's just...sad. Sad because she knows what she has to do and maybe she doesn't want to make another little girl an orphan. It's not that she unaware of the threat Dolly could be, it's just that she has hope that maybe that won't be the case. Cause the alternative is hurting a small child for a possibility and Kass won't do that.

And Blaine. Well, Blaine has his own reasons to be sad over Dolly and starts with he wishes he had known about her sooner.

Either way, it's good that Artemis is an actual good father who doesn't use Dolly. Maybe treating her like just a precious little girl is the best thing you could do a little god.

Although, I will add Dolly is as lonely as you might think she is--and maybe Artemis holds onto her a little tighter for that reason too.

(side note: given Dolly's power of being able to jump through realities that DON'T involve, it does give her room to exist in any canon. Funky, huh?)

(additional side note: Dolly has a phobia of butterflies, specifically red butterflies. I wonder why)

ANYWOO. THAT WAS A LOT. UM. SORRY. I hope that answered your questions? If you or anyone else has more, feel free. I am clearly an endless book with this story.

[pathfinderunlocked]

Unlocked Alraune - CR13 Plant

A Pathfinder Unlocked version of an alraune.

Artwork by Meltyhip on Pixiv.

We’re continuing the Unlocked Creature series today with Pathfinder Unlocked’s version of another iconic boss - an alraune.  Pathfinder Unlocked is a series of redesigned versions of iconic creatures which I’ve tried to turn into more interesting, dynamic, and enjoyable fights.

This version of the alraune can exit its giant flower and walk around separately.  The flower is treated as a mount, and just like the official alraune from Bestiary III, can walk around on its roots.

The main creature and mount together are considered to be a CR 13 encounter.  They are conceptually still a single creature, even if they’re mechanically treated as two separate creatures in combat.  If one of the two is killed, it is treated similarly to a body part being cut off.  Both the body and the flower must be killed in order to properly slay the alraune.

The flower portion of the alraune performs the martial combat, and can dig its roots and vines into the ground and use them attack people from quite far away.  The humanoid portion focuses on spellcasting, and can easily cast while mounted thanks to Uncanny Concentration.

As for strategy, it uses Wall of Thorns to separate players from each other, and then the flower moves into melee while leaving the more fragile humanoid form behind.  If the humanoid portion is attacked while mounted or adjacent to its flower, it uses Ally Shield to attempt to make the flower take the hit.  If the flower portion is attacked, it uses Mounted Combat to attempt to negate the hit instead.

I changed this creature’s alignment from NE to N because I think that gives it a lot more roleplaying potential.  Bestiary III says an alraune “prefers humanoid flesh over all others,” but in a lot of modern fantasy adaptations, they’re just as likely to be friendly to people they meet.  I have nothing against inherently evil creatures that look humanoid but have alien mindsets and inhuman instincts, mind you.  But there are so few talking humanoid plants that it seems like a waste to make this one just another hungry monster trying to eat the players.  Also, more importantly, alraunes are cute and I want to be friends with them.

If you want to support this blog, there’s an easy way to do so through my Ko-Fi page!  https://ko-fi.com/lockez  

Alraune - CR 13

An attractive green-skinned woman sits in the depths of this enormous, sweet-smelling flower.

XP 25,600 N Medium plant Init +8 Senses low-light vision, shared senses; Perception +11 Aura calming fragrance (60 ft., DC 24)

DEFENSE

AC 19, touch 14, flat-footed 15 (+4 Dex, +5 natural) hp 104 (19d8+19) Fort +12, Ref +7, Will +11 Immune plant traits

OFFENSE

Speed 30 ft. Melee unarmed +13/+8/+3 (1d3-1) Space 5 ft.; Reach 5 ft. Spell-Like Abilities (CL 13th; concentration +20)     At will—charm monster (DC 19), detect thoughts (DC 17), pox pustules (DC 17), suggestion (DC 18)     3/day—glitterdust (DC 17), hold monster (DC 20), cure critical wounds (touch +15, DC 19)     1/day—burst of nettles (DC 18), commune with nature, mind fog, wall of thorns

STATISTICS

Str 8, Dex 18, Con 12, Int 10, Wis 17, Cha 21 Base Atk +14; CMB +13; CMD 27 Feats Ally Shield, Cleave, Cleaving Finish, Combat Casting, Deceitful, Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Mounted Combat, Power Attack, Uncanny Concentration Skills Bluff +16, Disguise +9, Knowledge (nature) +9, Perception +11, Ride +15, Sense Motive +10 Languages Aklo, Common, Elven, Sylvan

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Calming Fragrance (Su) A supernaturally sweet perfume that calms the nerves and blunts aggression constantly surrounds an alraune to a radius of 60 feet. Any creature in this area of effect must make a DC 24 Will save at the start of its turn to avoid falling under the effects of calm emotions for 1 round. Creatures that could be attracted to the alraune’s current apparent gender take a -2 penalty on this Will save, while all other creatures gain a +2 bonus on the save. This is a mind-affecting effect. The save DC is Charisma-based.

Linked Flower (Ex) Each alraune has an alraune flower that is considered part of its body, but is treated as a separate creature in combat.  An alraune and its alraune flower can never be further than 60 feet apart.  If one dies and the other lives, resurrection spells have no effect; a Regenerate spell must be cast to restore whichever was destroyed.

Shared Senses (Ex) An alraune and its alraune flower share a single mind.  They possess all of the same feats and skill ranks, and all of their senses are shared.  If both the alraune and its alraune flower are capable of making a mental skill check, they both use the higher result.

Alraune Flower

N Large plant Init +5 Senses shared senses, tremorsense 180 ft.; Perception +10

DEFENSE

AC 27, touch 10, flat-footed 26 (+1 Dex, +17 natural, -1 size) hp 180 (19d8+95) Fort +16, Ref +7, Will +11 Immune plant traits

OFFENSE

Speed 25 ft. Melee 3 vines +19 (1d10+6 plus grab and bleed) Space 10 ft.; Reach 10 ft. (see buried vines) Special Attacks bleed (2d6), constrict (1d10+9), feed

STATISTICS

Str 22, Dex 13, Con 20, Int 10, Wis 17, Cha 21 Base Atk +14; CMB +21 (+25 grapple); CMD 32 (can’t be tripped) Feats Ally Shield, Cleave, Cleaving Finish, Combat Casting, Deceitful, Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Mounted Combat, Power Attack, Uncanny Concentration Skills Bluff +16, Disguise +9, Knowledge (nature) +9, Perception +11, Ride +12, Sense Motive +10 Languages Aklo, Common, Elven, Sylvan (cannot speak)

SPECIAL ABILITIES

Buried Vines (Ex) As long as an alraune flower and its target are on natural ground, and there’s no underground barrier in between the alraune flower and its target that interrupts the natural ground, the alraune flower’s reach with its vine attacks increases to 20 ft., as it extends its vines underground and reaches them out of the ground near the target to attack.

Grab Through the Earth (Ex) If an alraune flower grapples a target with its vines, as long as the alraune flower and its target are on natural ground, there’s no barrier between the alraune flower and its target that interrupts the natural ground, the alraune flower can choose to do so by extending its vines underground and reaching them out of the ground near the target to attack.  If the alraune flower grapples a target in this way, the target is not moved adjacent to the alraune flower as usual, and instead remains in its original space.

A target that is grabbed in this way can cut itself free by dealing 18 points of damage to the vine that is grappling it, which has the same AC as the alraune flower.  Damage dealt to the vine in this way also harms the alraune flower.

Feed (Ex) An alraune flower’s roots can feed on a helpless or willing target. At the end of an hour of feeding, the victim takes 1d6 points of both Constitution and Intelligence drain, and the alraune heals 3d6 points of damage.

Linked Flower (Ex) Each alraune has an alraune flower that is considered part of its body, but is treated as a separate creature in combat.  An alraune and its alraune flower can never be further than 60 feet apart.  If one dies and the other lives, resurrection spells have no effect; a Regenerate spell must be cast to restore whichever was destroyed.

Shared Senses (Ex) An alraune and its alraune flower share a single mind.  They possess all of the same feats and skill ranks, and all of their senses are shared.  If both the alraune and its alraune flower are capable of making a mental skill check, they both use the higher result.

[cina-full-moon-xanadium]

I think there’s a very good case for Kikaider being the best 70s Tokusatsu, at least of the ones I’ve seen -- certainly it’s very high up there, and that matches just how much I adored the show. 

How would I go about describing this... hm. Well, a lot of you have seen Kamen Rider Amazon, right? At least in my experience that always seems to be the first or only Showa Rider - Showa Toku, even - that Heisei Toku fans have seen. And it’s not hard to understand why -- its short length aside, Amazon has a scenario so instantly capturing, a lack of status quo and stability for the protagonist so endearing, and character relationships so strong that even without a clearer, natural development of the story; you just keep coming back on the strength of that humanity. On how much you can fall in love with Amazon and are right there with Masahiko and Tachibana in declaring his utter humanity in the face of a society that alienates him; and that despite their differences there is a common love inherent to them all that links them and overcomes those boundaries.

This is what it’s like to watch Kikaider. I apologise for rambling on so much about Kamen Rider - do you think I might love that show or something? - but it’s only because the comparison is so strong and how despite the many many differences of the premise, I think Amazon and Kikaider are some of Ishinomori’s most successful TV attempts in illustrating the connection and innate importance of humanity so fundamental to his works. Kikaider, much like Kamen Rider before him; is a creation of the evil seeking to subjugate the world, who broke free to fight in the name of peace. A monster who chose to be good. Unlike how most of Kamen Rider’s run turned out, however, the nature of this conflict is made oppressively clear every episode: Kikaider and his found family are constantly on the run, lacking any sense of stability both through DARK hunting them down and the lack of their father by their side. Consistently Kikaider will have to fight off not just monsters of his own kind but the constant reminder of his nature as a DARK robot from Professor Gill’s flute compelling him to return to their side; efforts he only escapes through last-second thinking or dumb luck. Many episodes revolve around his refusal to become more powerful and more protected because without flaw, what does that leave him as a man? 

Every element of this series converges to make an excellent episodic story. Every episode is a complete grasp of the tragedy of Kikaider and the Komyoji family; what it means to rebel against evil, to be human and why despite the hardships it’s worth carrying on. So many enemies like Golden Wolf and Hakaider that intensify those themes and become so so memorable despite the lack of budget that you just have to love their stories. 

I found it hard to type out this post because I don’t know how much justice I can do this show with my words, but I really want to get across that this show is a standout from what I’ve seen of 70s Toku so far and deserves any praise it gets. I can’t recommend Android Kikaider enough, and it’s one of my favourite shows I’ve seen all year. If you have an interest in Tokusatsu as a whole, or even specifically Kamen Rider and its origins in the Showa era, this is a must-watch

[raylaguna]

Sun and Moon

God painted the sky the darkest black imaginable that night. I lamented over the disappearance of the clouds that often concealed us from above, wondering if they had lost faith in the living souls that lurked below their shadows. 

God asked Mother Nature to make my bed in the grass that night, and I was more than happy to lay in it. I counted, with my frail fingers pointed to the sky, the number of stars that served as a reminder of my insignificance as a mere human being in comparison. 

I looked over to the man who laid beside me, observing how the grass refused to embrace him the same way it did me. The patches of grass that were tainted by his skin lost life and transformed into a dreadful gray. It was possible that the reflection of the moonlight was just working its magic once more.

He kept his eyes wide shut as I kept count of the night sky’s stars that floated above us like the birds of the earth. Maybe he was nervous that the stars would come crashing down before us, almost as if he were bracing for impact. 

I reached for his hand and questioned if he was still with us on earth for a slight moment. The coldness of his fingers as I brushed mine against them invoked a curiosity to wonder if the sun had ever touched his skin even once.

“You don’t have to worry, love, for the sun will make its return soon.” I attempted to assuage what I mistook to be his anxiety. 

“You don’t get it,” he explained with a monotony in his voice that made the dark sky appear as bright as the sun. “The moon is all I have ever seen, and it never disappears from my vision. What’s the point of constantly looking up? If you stood face to face with the devil each and every day, would you have the strength to keep looking him in the eyes?”

“I would like to think you’d keep the devil out of my sight.” I gripped his hand tighter, his hand failing to reciprocate.

“There is only so much I can do. The moon has kept me company long enough; I can’t tell the difference anymore.” The conviction of the words uttered by his cold voice turned my heart to stone for a moment. 

“If you keep your eyes closed for long enough, you’ll miss the sunrise. Do you not care to discover how the bright sun coats the sky in all sorts of colors?”

My body trembled as he ran his thumb over mine, the lifelessness of his hand reminiscent of a cold winter storm. His voice became fainter with each sentence he uttered to me. “My love, I haven’t seen the sun for more years than you’ve been alive. Life took the sun from me against my will. Maybe you can explain to me what the sky looks like when the sun looms over it, and I just might finally comprehend the happiness behind your smile.” 

“I want to bring the sun back to you. I’ll crush whoever brought pain upon you for removing the sun from every morning in which you wake.”

“The damage is done, love.”

“Is it so wrong to try?”

His eyes opened with the same prudence as one that had just been pulled out of a deep slumber. The staggering brown of his eyes made itself known to me for what felt like the first time in years during that night alone. “It’s wrong to drag me under the sunlight with you when you shine bright enough on your own already. My presence dims your light. I will not allow the devil to get close to you just so we can be together.”

He shifted his gaze from me and let go of my hand to make his way back on his own two feet, killing the grass in the process. I became frozen in place by the realization that he had decided to surrender to the evils that had spent years tempting him in the dark. 

He began to march off in the direction of the moon, as if it had beckoned to him. I cried out for him to return, for I would share my light with him, tears impairing my vision of the sun slowly making its way above us. His footsteps became fainter the harder I wept. His refusal to turn back and heed my words clouded all the desires I once had for the sun to make itself known. I considered selling my soul to the devil. 

The sun finally introduced itself and the devil maintained his distance. To this day, the sun has never left.

[opalesense]

How would the genshin Bois, zhongli, childe, diluc and kaeya react to a fem traveller stuck in a wall after a harsh battle, they'll help her get out right?...right?

a sight to behold

zhongli, childe, diluc, kaeya & f!reader (NSFW-ish)

1.9k words • ~13 min. read

warnings: just a lot of teasing & dirty thoughts

notes: i was practically rubbing my hands together with evil intentions when i saw this request but i’ll spare the graphic details for another time, otherwise this will be extremely long!! also i wrote them separately here BUT i wouldn’t be opposed if someone requested them to be grouped together instead... anyway, i hope you enjoy this!! >:)

THE WIDELY FEARED PRIMO GEOVISHAP was certainly a sight to behold from above. You quickly understood why so many people often avoided interacting with this beast – it was intimidating even while it slept soundly, its loud snores echoing throughout the cavern despite being so far down. As you stood on the platform above its sleeping form, you studied its details, noticing the element it possessed and strategizing your combat plan quickly, thankful that you could manipulate an element that targetted its weakness. Once you made up your mind, you let out a huff as you took a leap of faith down, letting your glider save you at the last second before you could actually make contact with the ground.

 Your companion followed behind swiftly, the two of you moving gently around the walls of the cavern, careful not to wake the beast from its slumber. In a low whisper, you began to describe your strategy to your partner, but alas, the beast suddenly awoke and interrupted your planning with a ear splitting roar.

 Without a second thought, the two of you dashed to the creature, loosely following the details of the plan you had based on what you were able to say before you got interrupted. The battle was fine at first, but you soon realized how out of sync the two of you became as the fight progressed. Your elemental reactions were getting poorly timed, and it was difficult to keep an eye on each other’s movements with the beast constantly thrashing about and blocking communication.

 In normal circumstances, the two of you excelled in combat together without needing any other support. Maybe it was bad luck, or maybe you bit off more than you could chew this time, but you noticed you were getting knocked around easier than usual. Things were obviously not going your way and you had to think of a solution fast.

 But before you knew it, your distraction with your own thoughts got the best of you. One single swipe of the geovishap’s tail sent you flying across the cavern towards the opposite wall then tumbling on the ragged, rocky edges of floor, certainly leaving cuts and bruises for later. To make matters worse, one more aggressive roar from the beast shook the walls of cavern enough to send chunks of rock tumbling down towards your injured body. Unable to form coherent thoughts, you knew you didn’t have the strength to escape the avalanche. Instead, all you could do was lay there, helpless and bracing for impact, praying to the Archons that you can be saved.

zhongli

 Zhongli made quick work of the beast, using his shield to deliver an extremely effective counter attack and finishing it once and for all. The creature wailed in pain in its dying moments before disintegrating into dust. He expected to see your face on the other side but alas, you were nowhere to be seen.

 “[Y/N]?” his face tensed as he tried to think of where you could have disappeared to. As his eyes darted around the cavern, he immediately noticed a tiny speck of color amongst the rocks on the wall that resembled your clothing. He quickly sprinted towards you, lifting some of the boulders off of you effortlessly using his geo manipulation.

 He began to subconsciously slow down once he saw the way you were displayed in front of him. Your legs were propped up slightly from the rocks underneath you that caved in from the impact. The way your hips curved up caused your skirt to fold back onto you, leaving you completely exposed under his gaze.

 Ungodly thoughts began to race across Zhongli’s mind. He couldn’t help but slowly undress you in his mind, thinking about all the things he could do to you in this moment of vulnerability.

You poor thing... If only we were not in such a potential dire circumstance of life or death, what would stop me from keeping these rocks on top of you, grabbing those hips, and pressing myself against you? It would be the perfect opportunity to keep you still while I have my way with you... Perhaps I should check to see if you’re okay first, and maybe I can trap you with these rocks myself instead. Certainly I could even lift you in a better position for a better fit...

“Stay with me, [Y/N],” Zhongli snapped out of his fantasy and continued to lift the boulders off of you, wondering if he should really go through with his urges. “You will be okay...”

childe

 Childe had noticed you fly across the cavern in the corner of his eye, and watching you land on the floor at such a fierce impact only fueled him to keep fighting. In a fit of a rage and frustration, he summoned his dual blades and quickly turned the tides of the battle towards his favor. He didn’t even need to watch the beast die to know it was dead within seconds, and after his final blow he quickly dashed towards where you landed only to find out you had been crushed by more rocks.

 He let out another yell of frustration, grabbing the boulders one by one and pushing them off of you. “[Y/N]? Can you hear me?”

 “I’m fine, just get these off of me!” you managed to call out from underneath the pile. Relieved that you were alive and well, he managed to push most of the boulders off but hesitated once he got a good look at the way you were laid out in front of him.

 With your legs dangling off the edge of the pile, your ass was comedically exposed towards him, the rest of your upper half still trapped within the remains of the avalanche. Funnily enough, the hem of your skirt had even got trapped above your hips that you were completely exposed, causing Childe to grin evilly.

 “Well, well, well,” he slowly walked over to you and placed a gloved hand on your bare cheek, still slightly out of breath from the heavy lifting. He gave a gentle squeeze, eliciting a gasp from you. “Is this my reward for helping you? If so, I’ll gladly take it now...”

 “Did you forget that I’m stuck? What if I’m badly injured?!”

 “In that case, I’m sure I can make all the pain go away and replace it with pleasure instead,” he gave one final squeeze and chuckled before walking away to grab another boulder. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding... But once you’re out, don’t expect all this help to come for free, you know.”

diluc

 Diluc watched you tumble across the floor with panicked eyes, immediately worrying about your safety but not letting that distract him from the task at hand. In the heat of the moment under the influence of rage and anxiety, he summoned his pyro manipulation to set his claymore ablaze and deliver multiple final blows to the creature, smashing its figure into bits. The beast cried in its final moments and when he was sure it was dead, he dropped his sword as he sprinted towards you.

 Pure panic settled in once he saw you had been crushed underneath the pile of rocks. He pushed himself to run faster, feeling tears form in the corners of his eyes but ignoring it. He didn’t want to lose you – not this easily.

 “[Y/N]!” he called out once he reached the site, “Can you hear me?”

 “I’m here, Diluc. I’m fine,” you reassured him. He deeply sighed in relief as he began to push the boulders off of you. Thank Barbatos you were alive and well! He shook the thought of you being fatally injured away from the forefront of his mind to focus on getting you out of this mess, using his strength to his advantage. But after a few rocks were pushed off of you, his eyes widened at the sight of you, a sight he will never forget.

 While your legs and upper body were still trapped underneath the pile, the first thing Diluc revealed was your ass, exposed by your skirt that was coincidentally trapped above your hips. Your thighs were pinned together, rubbing gently as you squirmed in the rubbish, trying to wiggle your way out. Or at least, he wanted to believe you were wiggling for the sole purpose of getting out, and not to tease him.

 With a nervous gulp, he averted his eyes away from you and resumed his work on the boulders. His mind couldn’t help but drift away into sinful corners, though. He envisioned the way he could firmly grab your thighs, pull down your underwear and...

 “Don’t scare me like that again,” he took a more lighthearted tone to cover up his urges, “I thought you were surely dead.”

kaeya

 After briefly witnessing you get thrown across the cavern, Kaeya managed to finally stab the beast in such a precise weakness point, making it wail in pain until it slowly withered away in its dying moments. He took no time at all to rush over to you, sprinting faster once he saw that you had been crushed by an avalanche.

 “[Y/N], talk to me,” he subtly asked for reassurance that you were still alive as he began to analyze the situation and pinpoint exactly where you were in all this rubbish.

 “I’m okay,” you weakly muttered with a grin, glad that he had come to your rescue, “Just a little bruised, that’s all.”

 Following the trail of your voice, he put his mind to work. He started to strategically push certain rocks so that others would naturally fall off of you without him needing to lift too much. After awhile, he began to spot one of your arms, then your other arm, and with each rock tumbling down he soon revealed the full picture.

 Or at least, a fraction of the full picture.

 He was relieved to see that you had wrapped your arms around your head for protection before the crash, avoiding what would have been an extremely dangerous injury. With your entire body from the chest down still trapped, you felt the need to stretch out your arms in the newly freed space and take a deep breath, glad to finally have some fresh air. “Good morning,” you joked on your bed of rocks.

 Even though he certainly felt some relief, he couldn’t fight the urge to tease you as he cooed over the sight of you so helpless underneath him. With an evil smirk, he pulled out one of the rocks that was supporting your neck, leaving your head hanging off the edge and eliciting a gasp from you. Before you could protest, he propped himself up against the wall with one arm, his body hovering over you and his crotch just inches away from your face.

 “Look at that pretty mouth of yours... You tempt me even in the most dire situations, sweetheart,” he let his free hand run slender fingers across your scalp, slowly massaging you. “Now that I think about it, I do deserve a prize for saving you, don’t I?”

 “Quit running your mouth and just help me get out of here,” you scolded him jokingly. He laughed and shook his head dismissively as he walked away to get back to work, fighting that strong urge to use your throat in such a vulnerable state.

 “If you say so, sweetheart. Maybe some other time.”

[leviiattacks]

May I request a Levi x Reader angst fic? Just barely any fluff, mostly angst going on lol. The reader is a traitor, formaly working for Marley, but betraying them in secret and putting their loyalty on Paradis. The reader is also a shifter and married to Levi for a couple of years. That love and care however is gone once readers identity is found. He truly despises them, insults them, maybe a bit violent with them, and outright tells them that they mean nothing to him anymore and hate them to bits. Readers punishment is to hand over her titan to Erwin, and they agree instantly, broken over everything, believing its all their fault. Once Erwin inherits Readers titan, he breaks down and screams, crying, because Reader was innocent the whole time. They never betrayed Paradis. Never killed anyone, never harmed anyone. They finaly know why they betrayed Marley, the abuse being to much for them, enough to just leave them behind for Paradis. Just... loving and caring as they all saw them. But now the damage is done. They wont come back, they're dead, believing that they died, hated and despised, with no one to mourn their death. Everyone regrets everything.

author note :: i was thinking of leaving this in my drafts but i already wrote it and may as well post it. it didn’t end up going the way i hoped but yeah i hope it’s ok anon. anyways ANGST. ANGST, ANGST. as always i love feed back :-) ⟹ all of the headings with the years are just meant to mean it’s a different moment from that year so those moments don’t happen right after each other i hope that makes sense!! word count :: 7.2k warnings :: canon typical violence, death

845, i.

Everything is falling in place when it shouldn't.

Sun never makes itself known in Liberio yet here it is shining down onto the bustling streets. You half expect for it to crash down and burn into the hundreds of civilians going about their daily business yet nothing of the sort happens. It's typical sunlight and you curse yourself silently for your sinister thoughts.

Secretly the voice at the back of your mind still whispers frantically but you don't wish to hear what it has to say. Instead you choose to drown it out with the sound of Zeke's voice. Finally deciding to pay attention to what it is he's been droning on about for the past ten minutes.

"Soon, soon, soon." He sighs dreamily looking a little delirious.

"Soon?"

Your question catches him off guard, he lightly shoves you with his elbow scoffing in annoyance.

"Did you sit here to not even listen to me?" He turns to take a sip of whisky and the hearty gulp he chugs shows his mild irritation. You assume he's been rambling on about Marley's plan to infiltrate Paradis. You have to admit that the idea of destroying those demons from the inside is amazingly well thought out. However it's all he's been able to discuss for the entire week now and frankly you're getting a little exhausted of it.

"I zoned out..." Quietly placing your glass back down onto the wooden counter you sigh closing your eyes. It's too early to be drinking and you don't trust Zeke enough to slip into ignorance and leave yourself vulnerable. Men are to not be trusted, especially Eldian men. The thought of Eldians triggers your flight of fight response, you want to shrivel up into a cocoon and never come out until the world is rid of the monsters. The lowest of the low, the dirt in between the crevices of Marleyan soldier's boots. That is what Eldian's are.

It's ironic coming from you, your entire family labelled as undesirable Eldians yourself but you, you know you're different. An honorary Marleyan is what you will become. What you are. The treacherous imps who are but an ocean away are the true evil.

Eyes flicking to Zeke he's lighting a cigar. Old habits die hard and he's yet to quit this self destructive custom of his. You couldn't care less if he chooses to cut his lifespan short by ten years, it's his own choice to make. A disgusting cowardly choice but it's a choice fit for an untamed man like him.

The Island Devils are said to be the bad apples but you can't help but stare at your fellow citizens from time to time and wonder what it is they could be hiding. If a demon slipped through the cracks you wouldn't be surprised. Sly in nature, persuasive in tone, that is how devils go about their daily lives alone The hymns they drilled into you all the way through elementary school echo and rebound in your mind.

Locking your bitter thoughts away you have to push yourself to not punt Zeke in the mouth when he teasingly blows a puff of hot smoke into your face.

Fingertips grazing with his he freezes at the sudden contact giving you the perfect opportunity to slip his cigar away and take it in between your lips. You allow for it to linger there but you aren't foolish enough to inhale its contents.

"Zeke, my dear friend. We shall soon be met with the fruits of our own labour but I assure you that discussing Marley's plan constantly will be of no benefit for you nor I."

The day you and Zeke had met had been at warrior training camp. Zeke was a miserable, unmotivated oaf. Always tripping and falling behind the rest of the warrior cadets. You felt rather bad for him, if you were born as unskilled as him you don't know what you would have made of yourself. Zeke, the only child of his parents ironically only ever ended up rising through the ranks after handing them over to the Marleyan government. His father and mother had been conspiring an escape plan but were executed immediately alongside their fellow team members once Zeke had outted them. Unexpectedly he was spared, the fact he turned on his own parents showed where his loyalties were. To his surprise, he was even allowed to continue his training with the other warriors - only this time everyone kept an increased distance away from him. The warriors weren't informed of what he had actually done but everyone had a gut feeling. Everyone apart from you stuck with that feeling. You thought strategically, If he were to become an enemy in the future you knew being close would come at your advantage.

The day you and Zeke had met your mother died, his mother passed away the same day. At least that's what he had told you.

The two of you bonded over the little things, told each other stories about your life at home. Reminisced about what it was you missed.

Then it all came crashing down the day Zeke confessed. The day he told you he killed his mother and father by handing them over to Marley. Your knees buckled underneath you, crashing the floor he tried to grab at you but you thrashed around in retaliation kicking and screaming not understanding why he did what he did. Yes, they were traitors but they were his parents and if the monster had the nerve to turn on the people who gave birth to him who's to say he wouldn't do the same to you or to Marley.

Zeke doesn't know it but ever since then you take the opportunity to sneak the occasional glance at him. Every single time you narrow your eyes in malice. If there's a man in Liberio who you don't trust in the slightest it's him, he must think the feud between the two of you from childhood has been put at rest but it hasn't.

Zeke takes another swig of his alcohol. On this occasion he downs it entirely slamming the glass down with vigour.

"ONE MORE GLASS BARTENDER!"

846, i.

Another day of extensive training is about to end, your back is layered in uncomfortable layers of sweat and the same can be said for your forehead. Kneeling down in the under layer of the forest you're hidden waiting to strike. Going up against the elites is nerve-wracking but you're sure you can pull it off so long as you stay calm during this game of hunters against prey.

It's simple enough if you can conceal yourself and stay out of sight. The robust trees that surround you act as decent enough camouflage and your green cape paired with them lets you veil yourself, keeping you further into the foreground, blending into the environment.

No one will be able to catch you if they can't see you.

All of a sudden your previous thoughts are thrown away when you sense something in the atmosphere has changed, the hissing of the wind behind you isn't natural.

Turning to your side you don't bother to cover up the sound of leaves rustling and branches cracking, your priority is slipping away fast enough to hide again, a tug can be felt at your cloak and your reaction time barely covers for you, your gear fastens itself to a low enough tree branch and the descent is mind numbing. Your breakfast churns in your stomach but you ignore the uneasy feeling, leaping and diving wherever you find a small enough gap. You believe you can outrun your huntsman.

That is until you sneak a glance back and your muscles nearly tense up in pure astonishment, you've been kicked in the teeth just by the man's presence. Captain, Levi slinks behind you weaving through the gaps with increasing speed, he's gaining momentum and all the while his face stays relaxed, this isn't even his full effort.

Terrified you dart upwards and then left, a corner comes into view - Levi should assume you've turned into it and so you rashly choose to dart back down. Much to your hard luck you find that his senses are well adapted, the direction of the wind is enough for him to trace your whereabouts.

The pursuit resumes, and he stays disturbingly relentless.

Arm shooting to the right you think perhaps making it look like you're aiming to fly somewhere else again will completely catch him off guard, he can't expect for you to pull the same trick twice.

Setting your plan into motion your finger pulls at the trigger but you startle when the cable doesn't come out, it's jammed. Panic seeps into you and to make matters worse your gas is running out.

Without warning you're thrust into the body of a nearby tree, the bark scrapes against you and scratches begin to form anywhere you've made contact with the jagged surface, you want to admit defeat but the warrior inside of you denies Levi the pleasure of seeing you beg. In its place you deliver a harsh kick to his thigh, you're aware he's injured it and you're certain there are no rules to say you can't play dirty. Your boots hammer against leg hard enough for him to give out and let go of your body, but then you realize you lost this game from the very moment your grapple hooks broke, you have nowhere to hold onto.

Before you can even let out a shriek of horror Levi's shot back to you, he frantically accelerates and by a miracle humanity's strongest is able to grab a hold of you again. This time you don't dig your heels into his leg and you allow for him to clutch you by the torso.

Within a minute the two of you descend towards the forest floor and Levi throws you into the dirt furiously.

"You could have died. Being foolhardy will only lead to an early death." He barks as he directs his blade towards your neck.

"Am I dead yet?" Whispering back your gaze isn't trained on the blade but right up at him.

His nostrils flare up, his hair sticks to his forehead haphazardly and the knuckles that hold his pointed blades are white in tangled dissatisfaction.

Grabbing you by the hips he flings you over his shoulder choosing to not continue with the confrontation.

"I know what you're up to." His voice is still rugged from the pursuit and it takes you a split second to register what he's said.

Your eyes widen and your breath hitches in your throat, no way, there's no way in hell he knows. He's sharp but he's not a mind reader.

Your position means he can't read your face seeing as you're facing his back, instantly steeling your features you let out a breathy laugh.

"And what may that be?" Silently you pray he's worded himself ambiguously to catch a slip up.

"Being gutsy, you think that makes you a good soldier. It doesn't."

Relief floods you. He doesn't know.

"Soldiers need to be brave." Your retort makes him grumble.

"If  you die with no meaning by being reckless what's the purpose of being a soldier?" His question has you stopping and thinking on what the correct answer is.

Unable to think of an answer you ask another question.

"Are you saying your previous comrades died without meaning?"

"No. Their deaths fueled me slay more titans."

"So if I died back there who wou-" He swiftly cuts you off showing no inclination of wanting to hear what it is you have to say.

"I'll cut your tongue off if it's stupid." He clearly isn't serious about the threat but he does mean it when he warns you to not overstep.

Despite the consequences you say what's on your mind. "I just wanted to ask who would give my life meaning if I ever died. I don't have siblings and my parents died long ago."

Silence follows and the crunch of his boots against the muddy leaves tells you he probably doesn't wish to answer your question.

"Sorry-"

"I would. I would give meaning to your life." He says it with such ease you almost want to admire the enemy but you know he's said it because he feels he has to.

"You barely know me but I hope one day you can stop thinking everyone has to rely on you." You say it with taunting understanding.

Another bout of silence follows. Only this time the two of you feel warmly comforted, he doesn't understand how you've seen through his facade but it's easy for you to spot another liar.

846, ii.

Brows drawn back you observe your surroundings attempting to mask your scrutiny. The place is running amok with uncontrollable Eldian folk. The stench of unadulterated sin makes itself known but you seem to be the only person able to smell it. Eren bumps against the table you're sat at and your face twitches a little but you say nothing. You're yet to get used to these people's lack of manners.

At least that's how you force yourself to think. To be truthful, you don't quite understand what it is these people have done wrong. Ever since you've arrived you've been nitpicking at every single minor inconvenience or possible issue. A girl stole a potato and broke it into uneven pieces to share and you attempted to twist the story in your head to make her look like an unfair, greedy voracious demon but... you found yourself finding very little to actually be angry at. These people are essentially normal in every way of the word, they aren't demons and you can't help but feel yourself slip away from everything you once knew as reality. You're finding it difficult to believe what years of Marleyan education taught you, the hymns that were once drilled into your brain permanently are but a vague memory.

You feel disgustingly under-dressed and out of place, you don't belong here not when you're meant to hate these people, not when you're meant to despise them. You should be fighting the urge to shove their heads onto pitchforks or to skin them alive and feed them to pigs. Everyone back in Marley told you to control your impulses but now you're here and you've settled down even having the opportunity to converse with these individuals, share their pain, share their loss, share their suffering, you wonder why you have no impulses to control. Have they brainwashed you? Or is it that you're the real demon in this situation?

Fingers mingling with each other on your lap you sit hopelessly alone. Interacting with the so called enemy is much harder than you expect. Worry consistently bubbles in the pit of your stomach and every night is spent tossing and turning evaluating then reevaluating who the bad guy really is. At first the task of daily interaction isn't a big deal, you find it easy enough to approach members of the team and fake interest in their lives until the original plan falls through. You do become invested in your team members lives and stories that it comes to the point where you don't have to force yourself to smile at their jokes or to sympathize with their tales of grief. You become one of them and you swear you're meant to feel like a traitor but eerily you feel like you belong.

Nevertheless you try your best to stick with what you know. You're nothing like Zeke, you're loyal, capable, faithful and trustworthy. Never will you turn your back on Marley.

Rising to excuse yourself from dinner you think you've just about made it and escaped finally able to hide away in the confines of your bedroom but your lips form into a straight uncomfortable line at the feeling of someone's hand latching at your wrist. You're halfway down the hallway just a few more steps away from your bedroom. You hope it's one of the rookies.

"Oi, come here."

Head shooting backwards your eyes land on Levi, his dark curtains fall in front of his eyes - you note that he hasn't trimmed them as he usually does. Despite his size his grip is firm and your wrist squirms around a little trying to manoeuvre out of his bruising grasp. He seems to notice he's underestimated his strength once again and loosens his hold on you. Narrowed eyes analyse your anxious form, they're grey and in this lighting almost glow appearing silver. For a brief second your mouth is left ajar by the delicate but rough manner of his face.

"Everything Okay?" He doesn't typically seem to care very much about anyone, the question activates your senses and you're on full alert but the eye contact you make with him seconds later slows down the gears in your mind, they only whir and hum in anticipation completely coming to a halt.

"Yes, yes everything is okay." You're playing around with the hem of your shirt and you silently question when you were ever this nervous around anyone. You're a Marleyan soldier for heaven's sake not an unrestrained, unsupervised child left to play in a park.

Despite your clear inability to cushion and shield yourself from your Levi's stabbing gaze you attempt to appear as nonchalant as possible.

"I'll be going I just feel a little —" At first you had thought to fake you were ill but at the feeling of a sudden strike of pain you hold onto your stomach, the ache burns into your abdomen and without permission it travels higher up towards your ribs. "A little unwell." You manage to wheeze out. Hand placed onto a nearby cement wall your thought process is hasty speeding up by the second. Have they figured you out and had you poisoned? No, you barely ate anything today.

You hunch over feeling the bile crawl up your throat, on reflex you clamp your eyes shut not wishing to anger a superior by acting insolent and disposing of your dinner in the hallway. Shaky palms reach hesitantly for your lips and you force yourself to keep it in. Levi would commit a murder if you heaved and gagged letting it all out in front of him.

You motion towards the door trying to emphasize that you can handle yourself in the privacy of your room. Tears bite at the sides of your eyes and your vision is so blurred you can only make out the faint outline of the man who was just in front of you.

"Relax. I'll clean it." Your hair is brushed away from your face securely held back and you can't hold it in any longer, the acrid storm surges through your throat, you retch at the harsh sting it leaves behind. Breathing heavy, perturbed and anxious you gasp in all the air you can get.

"I knew you looked ill." His hands hold your jaw gently, the pads of his fingers are calloused but his touch remains soft. A tissue dabs at your mouth wiping away the excess untouched sick.

Just like the sick which surged through you less than a minute ago you feel something else entirely tear into you. You can't put a finger on it but it's dangerous for you to not feel contempt.

847, i.

Your heart accepts what your mind has been ignoring for months on end when Levi looks you square in the eyes after a heart wrenching expedition. The vacant look on his face is enough for the guilt to consume you whole but he doesn't know that. He doesn't know of your sins.

The wagon of corpses reeks of death and desperation. It's rotten and the smell is sickening. Forcibly you  stop yourself from feeling any more grief. The despair isn't yours to go through.

Your first ever personal loss outside of the walls and you've learnt Paradis is not home to demons. Cheeks burning in mortification you can't formulate any thoughts on your own accord, instead they continuously emerge in bursts and finally a single thought sticks out from the rest - Are you aiding in the destruction of innocent human life?

The both of you are sat on guard duty with the corpses, half of the team has been wiped out in one sweep. Your trembling hands don't seem to want to steady any time soon and you sit there with your guilty conscience strangling you slowly, your airflow is getting shallower. Shorter, quicker breaths leave you. The imaginary gash in your chest is bottomless, and your lungs push and pull in a power struggle.

Levi's coarse hands abruptly hold onto yours and the floodgates open again, he doesn't know what you've done to him, done to his soldiers, done to his people. If he knew who you really were, would things be different?

"This was out of your control."

Do you tell him?

The question sits in your mind for a while until you shake your head. He takes it the wrong way and think you're responding to him.

"This was not your fault." For the first time in months you've heard his voice crack under pressure.

"Pe- Petra she- I could have taken one for the team and died instead of her." All that remains of your dear friend is her blood soaked cloak. Her body was one of the few that had to be hauled away earlier to decrease the carriage's load.

The fabric still smells of Petra, smells of honey and chamomile and the simple soap offered at the base, but it still smells of her.

Firm hands grab your shoulders and Levi's fingers dig sorely into your flesh.

"Don't."

"But I- I didn't contribute as much as her and she has family who are alive." Hiccuping you try to bare with the fact that you'll wake up tomorrow and not see her preparing breakfast for everyone else. You know you could have propelled her out of the way just in time if you hadn't been so taken aback by the entire situation.

"You were her comrade. She made the choice to die for you."

You want to reach out, sob into his chest and yell that you regret it all, scream and tell him about the secret you've been hiding. A sorry excuse of a comrade you are to let her die on the battlefield not knowing your true identity. The tears roll down your cheeks and Levi feels his heart constrict and squeeze as he comprehends the lack of regard you have for your life. "It should have been me." Is repeated over and over again, your eyes are raw and bloodshot, the vicious wind sinks its teeth into you.

"Then die."

"If you're willing for her life to have no meaning. Die." The words he spits out are as cutting as the bitter wind. He feels cheated and you're finally able to come to your senses.

He's faired much worse but you doubt he's ever acted out the way you have in front of another person. In this never-ending void of darkness locking away the dull ache caused by deafening loss is the best choice for everyone.

Much like the night you had been sick he takes a grip of your jaw and directs your face towards his, this time he's not as gentle as before but you conclude that it's because he's drained, completely exhausted from the battle. The eyes are the windows to the soul but Levi's window panes are shattered, completely crushed by the weight of the constant burden he has to carry.

"I'm sorry." You croak out the apology. He grits his teeth because he doesn't want you to apologize but he doesn't voice out his opinion. As a substitute he presses his arms against you, the terribly raw panic is murdering you. Levi's gruff voice is a mixture of faux irritation but mutual understanding.

"Cry." He allows for your head to loll against his shoulder.

As the dark envelopes both you and him the scent of the dead only becomes more and more pungent, recalling fond memories of Petra and the others you know your heart settles on a decision before your mind does. You're a two timing back stabbing traitor for this. What you hated Zeke for you have become yourself.

Disloyal, unfaithful and fickle.

That day you place your loyalties with Paradis.

847, ii.

Levi's wiping down one of the kitchen tables, you're kneeled on the floor scrubbing vigorously. The others have already given up, panting they've left using the excuse of fetching water from a nearby well. Your back aches but you find cleaning reassuring and somewhat of a decent distraction.

"Why do you like to clean?" You're used to Levi asking you abrupt questions by now, after all the two of you have been acquainted for well over a year now. Through that year he's learnt about you and you about him. When in the midst of what looks to be humanity's final year's, twelve simple months is enough to form a bond worth a decade.

"I'm not good at a lot but I am good at cleaning."

"You know that's not true idiot." The tone of his voice indicates that your answer doesn't please him.

"But I do think I'm good at cleaning? Maybe not as good as you but I am half decent."

"Not that. You're good at much more than half the people I've ever met." He sneers, his footsteps edge towards you. "Purely being a good person is a talent these days."

You suppress a flinch because you aren't a good person at all. Neither are you that middle ground between good and bad. Rough around the edges and uneven, you're shards of glass ready to slash and hack away at him if Marley somehow lures you back.

The confession, if you could even call it that catches you by surprise and anger fills you. You almost want for him to not trust you and call out your bluff. It's a little unnatural how badly you want for him to realize the truth.

Your head turns up to stare at the man who's a few steps away from you. "Or am I just good at acting genuine?"

You don't even mean to snap at him and you don't even realize you have until you see his eyes widen and mouth part in imperceptible surprise. Biting your tongue your attention is diverted back to the wooden floor. Driving your washcloth into the crevices and dips of the floorboards you ignore Levi's leather shoes which now stand right in front of you.

"Are you questioning my judgement of character?"

Be born in Marley, That's what you had done, trained to destroy people you thought to be devilish entities, foolishly chose to grow attached to the so called enemy. Your mind lingers onto a specific thought and you're deathly afraid to be thinking it in the first place but there's no more avoiding it.

Falling deeply in love with Levi is your worst mistake to date.

"What I did. It was out of my control." you reply, voice hard.

"Not disclosing what it was?" He asks.

Your silence is his answer. Kneeling down to where you are he disarms you, the washcloth is taken out of your hands and he places it onto a table.

"You are a good person." His voice is brusque and he states it like it's a fact, something you should know. Hot tears threaten to spill over, he's stupidly naive for not rethinking that opinion of his. Lips thinned and eyes watering you don't know how to feel.

"Levi. I'm sure you'd like to think that but I am not."

"You love the members of the corps unconditionally I can see it in the way you look at them."

"Sometimes you look a little sad when you stare." The last sentence he adds in has your pulse racing. He's right, you often feel miserable thinking about how everyone would react knowing who you really are.

"I'm not interested in bad people." He sounds distant saying such warm words and it takes a moment for them to actually sink in. You don't quite believe you've heard him correctly. The dread sinks to the bottom of your stomach and the feelings you've buried at the back of your mind hit you like a tsunami. The thought of him feeling the same way for you, is agonizing.

"Stop being ridiculous." The uncertainty is killing the both of you.

"Loving you is not ridiculous, if you don't feel the same way you can say that and I'll step away. We'll be back to normal."

"No, no, no. You don't get it. You're just saying that." Your voice quivers and the intensity of this new revelation is too large for you to cope with.

"Why would, you," He begins, voice just above a whisper, "ever think that way?"

"Why would you even look twice at me?" You reply.

"Because I worry for you."

"You worry for everyone."

"I worry for you the most."

Instead of letting you respond to him this time he carries on speaking.

"We both know we feel the same."

You already knew you were in love with Levi, you didn’t need for him to tell you. You knew you were in love when you tried to memorize his facial features, you knew you were in love when his laughter was the cause of your laughter, you knew you were in love when you threw yourself in front of that abnormal for him.

That's when you begin to understand what all his signals meant. You now knew why he'd let you stare so intently, you now knew why he laughed particularly hard when it was you who had made a joke, you now knew why he scolded you and nearly broke down at the sight of your injured arm after that specific expedition.

You know it. He knows it. You both know what this will lead to.

But you still lunge onto his lap, you still press your wobbly lips against his. You still choose to surrender yourself to him and he still reacts by taking a hold of your shaky hands which lay on his chest. He envelopes them in his warm grasp. Slowly but gradually the ice thaws and dissolves. Heartbreak, anguish and suffering when one of you loses the other will be the end of your romance, you're sure of it. Hell, the both of you are in the middle of a war but your heart flames up thinking of all of the possibilities.

Perhaps it'll play out the one way you wish for it not to.

Could your ending be in betrayal?

848, i.

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded hus-"

"Cut the crap and kiss me." Levi's crude interruption isn't appreciated by Erwin but everyone knows Levi doesn't care all that much for formalities and hates being in the spotlight for too long.

Gripping him by the collar of his suit your lips are a centimetre away, he stops you tightening the hold he has on your waist. His lips gently press against your collarbone and his breath meanders towards the shell of your ear.

"Swear you won't die on me."

Gulping you look away apprehensively. You know you can't promise that.

“Oi, I’m expecting an answer.” His voice flickers slightly.

Forefinger holding your chin up you see your soon to be husband close to tears, he valiantly blinks them away. Levi has never been one to make his pain public and your heart twists in your chest as you realize just how much of a hold his feelings for you have over him.

"I can't promise that, you know it'll only hurt more." The strange bitter taste in your mouth won't let you comply with his request and by measuring his reaction you see his eyes cloud in an unidentifiable emotion, you're sure it's nothing positive.

"We may not have a happy ending Levi but we'll always have a happy middle."

Levi scoffs in derision, he has to think your attempt at being meaningful is ridiculous.

You lean into him and it's all so heart-wrenchingly familiar yet foreign. His body sags comprehending that not everything will go the way he wants it to. One of you is guaranteed to leave first.

Hands finding purchase in the cloth of his white dress shirt Levi doesn't cringe at you creasing the fabric as he usually does. He allows for you to call the shots this time, your lips brush faintly against his before you nosedive into him. No resistance is felt and he replies almost immediately. Everyone applauds as his fingertips press into the back of your skull and you find that this is all incredibly hideous. The innate disloyalty you feel, you throwing your entire life away for this man but you find yourself not caring. To hell with that miserable life crammed with sin.

Levi smiles against your mouth, you assume you're meant to magically smile back but you can't make yourself. It's uncomfortable relishing in the undeserved happiness knowing it won't last forever.

The world you live in isn't ideal nor is it forgiving.

Momentary joy is all an antagonist can hope for.

849, i.

Jean can’t take his eyes off the newly weds.

You’re cooing into your Levi’s ear gently, his cheeks flush scarlet at the feeling of your hot breath against his skin and he scolds you for having the gall to rile him up in public.

Jean sniggers finding some sort of odd delight from the interaction - he’s never seen the Captain this content and at ease.

849, ii.

You don't know why you've dragged yourself out of bed just to stare at your husband's face but you have, despite the toll life has had on him he seems sound for once. His breathing peaceful yours is anything but that. When it's dark the weight becomes heavier, your skin tingles and your throat burns aching for release.

Eyes blurring your hands shake reaching out for him but you can't find the courage to make contact. Nothing will ever warrant plaguing him even more with your existence.

The memories become increasingly bitter.

"If we make it out of this alive we'll have children and they'll look just like you."

"I want them to look like you." had been your reply.

Levi winced not seeming to like the idea.

"No, I want them to look like you. You're beautiful."

How wrong he was for thinking that.

You, beautiful? He'd stab himself ten times over if he knew just who exactly he had said those words to.

850, i.

Zeke had betrayed you after finding out who you were to Levi but you half expected that he would tell him the truth at some point regardless of that fact.

Tear stains travel through the mud and grime on your face, Levi's eyes are indifferent as he twists his wedding ring off his finger flinging it into the surrounding rubble.

Without your permission he yanks your arm forwards intending to take your matching ring away but you hold on digging your heels into the dirt beneath you.

"You disgusting bitch. Give me it."

You scream, high and awful, he continues jerking at your arm the muscle throbs crying out for him to stop but he doesn't and no one steps in to put a halt to any of it. Levi having had enough grabs at your neck ruthlessly. In any other circumstance he'd be labelled callous or cruel but everyone on the battle field shares a similar empathy for their Captain. Neither they or Levi had expected your disloyalty.

"I said give me the ring if you know what's good for you." His fingers slide around your neck, his seemingly low words cling onto the little respect he has left for you.

"No." Your defiance has his eyes hardening in and posture tensing. "I'm not handing it over."

Levi says nothing, he only holds onto your throat tighter, if he really keeps at  it your windpipe will be crushed in no time. You know he's holding out on purpose, he's still giving you a chance. He expects for you to stand your ground, say you never deceived Paradis, say something, anything to make him let go of you.  

"Marrying you... It just happened somehow. I know it was selfish of me." He squeezes harder. "I know it was. I'm sorry Levi." Gasping and breathless you clench and unclench your fists finding it too difficult to explain.

Your mouth opens, you want to tell him you haven't seduced him like he thinks you have, tell him you dropped that plan of yours long ago but then you falter at the last second.  It's typically hard to tell when Erwin's infuriated but it's painfully obvious when you make eye contact with him over Levi's trembling shoulders. It's enough to tell you to give up. Enough to tell you that you're beyond redemption, you've ran and hid long enough.

"Hand over your titan." Levi says nothing to Erwin's proposition, the hold he has on your neck loosens but his silence is sickening. It means he agrees.

This is fate's idea of a cruel joke.

But you agree, on the basis of one condition.

"Fine but-"

Levi cuts in, all regard for you devoid from his system.

"You're in no place to be making demands." He snarls, his patience quickly running thin.

However Erwin urges you to continue speaking taking you aback.

"If it's not too much maybe we can accommodate your final wish." Erwin had always been thoughtful in nature and you thank him for even bothering to show you a sliver of benevolence.

Everyone's looking, all eyes are on you. Some are blinking away tears, others are disgusted unable to stare at you for more than a few seconds at a time. Levi falls into the latter.

Brazen with not an ounce of shame you mention the ring again. "Let me keep it." Your left hand covers your right and underneath the flesh is the last symbol left of your union with Levi.

Whispers and murmurs orbit you, none of them are kind and Levi loses it.

His reflexes are paralyzing, he's back at it clawing your neck mercilessly but you don't scream or shriek as you did previously. You take it, you let him unload his frustration.

"Levi. Let it go for the sake of humanity." Erwin says pointedly. Irritation pricks him, he wants this over and done with and your rebelliousness doesn't look as if it'll be tamed any time soon unless you're given what you want.

Levi's face is crimson, the fresh blood from the expedition still steaming. "Y/N, I'll saw your arm off if I have to." But, you know he's already given into Erwin's orders when he throws you to the ground letting you crash and wheeze for breath.

850, ii.

Levi's been appointed to guard you for your final night alive. The room feels wistful as you think back wondering if the life you lived was respectable.

"Why did you stare at me when I slept? Did you think of killing me?" Half commanding and half pleading his voice cracks. He coughs attempting to cover it up.

You jolt not expecting the interaction at all and you're not the slightest bit surprised that he had seen you all those nights staring so deeply. He'd always been a light sleeper. You turn your head up hoping he's looking at you.

He isn't.

"I wanted our children to look like you. I think you're beautiful."

It's now his turn to recoil, only he does so in repulsion remembering the familiarity of those words. They had left his own lips not too long ago.

"I'd never have children with the likes of you." He sounds tense then.

You understand. No one would want to have children with someone as hated and as despicable as you.

"I know." You whisper faintly.

850, iii.

When Erwin's eyes glaze over unable to focus on anything in particular Levi assumes it's him growing used to the titan powers. What he doesn't expect is for his Commander to bang his head against the floor unrelenting screaming your name.

Pairs of hands move to stop him but he thrusts them aside wailing. Levi stresses trying to figure out what it is you could have done in the wake of your death.

But Erwin Smith. Courageous, brave Erwin Smith, who never cracked at loss of life for the sake of humanity, who always eloquently spoke to everyone around him at all times, finds himself slumping down to his knees and weeping for you.

The warm blood from his self inflicted assault still trickles down his nose, a tremor shakes through his entire body when he thinks of breaking the news to Levi.

The edge in Erwin’s voice grows dangerous.

"We made the wrong choice."

Erwin can't word it any better than that.

But Levi understands right away, he wishes he didn’t, he wishes he was ignorant enough not to.

Hange sticks an arm out aiming for his shoulder but he stumbles away nearly falling back into the floor not wanting to be touched by anyone.

He finds that he is not human enough to cry. It’s that or he’s not human at all without your presence.

854, i.

Levi has grown old without you, lived to see months and new seasons without you by his side. Over time his eyelids have become heavier, the corners of his mouth naturally droop and he remains perpetually somber.

Sometimes you visit him in his dreams, each time you make a silly comment about how his grey eye bags make him look like he’s been punched in the face. “Levi Ackerman, I swear if you don’t sleep soon!” You cushion the blow by whispering sweet nothings, reassuring him that you still think he’s beautiful. 

Occasionally you add in that you don’t blame him for the past, but those conversations only last for a few seconds at a time.

“I don’t blame you.” It always starts off with the exact same phrase. 

“I should have listened to you.” Levi’s tone is stern and uncompromising .

“Lev, I was never going to tell you to spare my life. You tried to listen to me, I could tell you wanted me to deny it.”

Levi refuses to answer you, he still thinks he’s at fault.

Not a day goes by where he doesn’t think of that ring. He regrets throwing it away recklessly into the rubble.

Some day he’ll return to Shiganshina to find it. The idea sounds laughable but he has to find a reason to smile as he fights for his life.

That is what Levi thinks as two set’s of jaws snap shut onto his legs, a flurry of red surrounds him. His throat constricts at the feeling of his thighs being ripped away from the rest of him.

“I tried.” He whimpers to no one in particular, eyes blank and losing meaning.

“I know Levi, I know.” The same voice from his dreams soothes him.

“Do not despair. Find me again in another world.” The biting wind adds in.

Levi’s eyelids flutter shut unable to do much else.

He’s unsure if he has the courage to face you again in another lifetime.