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wanderingmirror · 2 years

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Time Loop

Dragon Age: Inquisition

Summary:

Everyone may or may not replay the game many times. Sometimes to change a choice, sometimes to choose a different race or class, or they change which person they romance. This is my take on what would happen if the Inquisitor remembered every time we did so. This has a fanon twist to it, of course. Cause it wouldn't be interesting otherwise.

Jack opened his eyes to a very familiar cell with a familiar mark on his hand. He recognized the guards watching him. Could identify the fear and mistrust in their eyes. The male looked around blankly. How many times has he felt himself die, only to wake up in this place again? How many times has he had to go around saving a bunch of ungrateful assholes who only see him as a tool? Jack sighed softly. The familiar footsteps alerted him to Cassandra and Leliana's approach to the door. Jack debated on being silent or talking this time around.

Seeing Solas again made Jack want to vomit. Nothing he ever did made the elf stay. The brunette looked at the ground while the others talked around him. He mumbled their words, knowing them by heart. Feeling jealousy well up in his chest for the three who would never know how lucky they were. When they get to the forward camp, Jack makes the same choice he made last time. Go through the mountain pass. It was one choice he never changed; despite how many times he's had to make it. Though it never stopped stinging every time he saw Cassandra's disapproving look.

When they get to the base of the breach Jack kept walking. Following the familiar path down to the bottom, uncaring of the confused looks it got him. He looked at Leliana and motioned to her archers. Luckily, she understood.

"Are you alright?" Cassandra asked him. Jack looked at her with blank blue eyes. Then he turned them to the rift at the bottom of the breach. "It's closed. But we will need to open it to get the breach stabilized. Be ready for company." He said and Solas looked at him in surprise. Surprised, of course, at the fact that Jack already knew that.

Fighting the Corrupted Spirit never stopped being difficult. And passing out from the Anchor's power never gave him a permanent type of relief.

Waking up in Haven was always bittersweet. Knowing what happens, seeing the small lake town burn then be buried always caused that never fully healed wound to rip open. Jack always tried to ease the fear of the elf anyway. She didn't deserve his melancholy or his anger. After she ran out to alert Cassandra, Jack stood up and stretched. Feeling bones pop and blood flow. The human sighed and picked up the Elfroot. Finding that same empty book of clean papers on the desk would always annoy him.

Well, Jack thought bitterly, let's get this show on the road. He left the illusion of safety that small room provided to face a world of fear, hatred, and corrupted spirits.

Meeting Mother Giselle was always tense. He remembers the future questions she'd ask about his and Dorian's relationship. Love life or Friends both. Master Dennet was still difficult to convince to join the Inquisition.

Sitting in the camp near the horse master's home was calming. Though Jack was writing in his journal about the changes he'd made to his choices. He felt eyes on him. Aware that the wolves were watching him. Though he did wonder if that was just Solas or the Corrupted Spirit possessing them.

If it was the former, he was going to have a few words on privacy.

Val Royeaux was always a bit too much for Jack. The smells, the sights, the colors. All of it sent the brunette into a bit of a spiral. He leaned on the side of the bridge, trying to keep from retching up his breakfast. What small bit he'd eaten anyway. He wasn't that hungry, much to his favorite dwarf's concern.

He enjoyed the Chantry Mother getting a nasty right hook every time it happened. He couldn't restrain that hysterical little giggle though, and Solas looked at him for a moment in confusion. The fact that the Templars still had good people in their ranks was the only reason he still chose them. He'd gone with the mages a few times, once to see its story, another just to get Dorian to stop glaring at him. He'd made the mistake of going to Redcliff then just turning and allying with the Templars instead. That was also the same life Iron Bull managed to slice his torso in two! That was a painful death.

The invite to Vivienne's party and the arrow from Sera never stopped warming his tired heart to bits though.

He was drawing Solas in his Dread Wolf regalia when said elf sat down at the table beside him. No doubt the elf was curious. Jack slowly made sure he got the fur right. The brunette really wanted to ask what color the fur was but thought better of it when he remembered Solas doesn't know he knows. Jack bit his lip to stop that same hysterical giggle from leaving his throat.

"Who might that be?" He heard Solas ask in a restrained amount of curiosity. Jack could confidently bet his bow and a quiver that the elf knew exactly who it was. But, as always, Jack humored him. "From stories I've heard, this is the Dread Wolf. I can't really say the Elvhen version of his name as I don't want to butcher it in the presence of the elves." Jack said, thanking his stars that he hadn't started on the head yet.

Jack remembers the life he actually drew the head and the armor. Solas had almost blasted him with his fire magic he was so terrified. It had taken the whole day to try and explain it, knowledge of time loops quietly left out of course, before the elf had calmed down. Being thrown off the side of the Well of Sorrows' structure still caused him panic attacks though. That death was quick but no less traumatic. It's why he doesn't ride his Hart much anymore.

Solas hadn't spoken during Jack's inner thoughts, too focused on the drawing of the fur. Suddenly Jack's face lit up, he had an idea! "Say, Solas, you have a good handle on Elvhen history an all, what color was the fur? I've never really gotten a good answer on that to properly finish the picture." Jack asked pointing to the fur lining the space around Solas' neck. The elf looked at the picture and then to Jack's curious expression. "A light tan that fades into brown, if I recall." Solas hesitantly pointed which way the fade went. Jack smiled and thanked him, using a bit of brown paint and water to get the gradient right.

All the while, Solas watched him as he carefully gave life to the elf's true persona.

Three days later, Jack was walking along the beach of the Storm Coast. The brunette, Solas, Sera, and Cassandra had already dealt with the Blades of Hessarian. They were, however, a bit early, in Jack's book. The Venatori aren't being attacked by Bull and his Chargers yet. And Jack doesn't want to deprive the Qunari of his fun. That thought made Jack pause. The others stopped a few feet ahead of him. Jack had made it a pattern with the Chargers and the Qun. Last time, he had picked the Qun. He already knew the result, but the life he just left had ended rather quickly when he lost his head to a swipe of a Darkspawn Alpha's axe. It had been a good place to die, too. In the Fallow Mire.

This time he was picking the Chargers. So, should he really be calling Iron Bull Qunari this life? Jack looked ahead of his small group, seeing the Venatori getting prepared for something. He could see a Charger slowly creeping up on one of them. The shimmer of their cloak couldn't hide them from a Rogue's experienced gaze. Jack huffed as he began to slowly jog towards the two groups. He'd have to see what happens after he gets back to a camp.

Jack always enjoyed getting Blackwall to join him. Seeing the warden catch an arrow for the brunette was always an inspiring act. Jack even tried to copy it once or twice.

Much to the amusement of Blackwall and Sera. The latter because she was mostly in his party during those times.

Jack was laying on his back, limps stretched out away from him, staring at the stars above Haven. The ice of the lake rumbled under his head, and it made him shiver. He'd mapped out a good walking route on the lake's icy surface enough times to know what places wouldn't wind up swallowing him. It was peaceful. Quiet outside of the rumbles. Then he heard footsteps and wondered who was brave enough to come out here. He looked, upside-down as his head was, to the bridge near Haven.

There, holding onto his stick for dear life, was Solas. Jack had to giggle. Why was the older male trying to come out here? It was late and the ice could not be good for the male's unprotected feet. That was another thing Jack had tried to bring up, was Solas and his need to have his feet bare even in the colder and warmer climates. The elf either politely explained that he was fine or scoffed at him on the rare lives Jack was acting like an asshole.

Jack was comfy in his spot on the ice. Plus, his footsteps should be easy to follow where he'd walked through the snow covering it. He was greeted by a scowling Solas when the elven Apostate got to him though. Jack grinned innocently at him and from the look the other was now giving him, it wasn't a very convincing face. "What are you doing out here, Herald? Aren't you cold?" The elf asked once he had found a place to sit.

Jack's smile faded rather abruptly when the elf called him that. He hated that name. It was as if the others suddenly felt as though saying his actual fucking name was a sin! "Don't call me that, Sol. Please." The brunette quietly said as he sat up. The nickname made Solas blink, but Jack was too tired to really feel embarrassed that he'd called him by that fond nickname. In the earlier lives Jack had lived, Sol was what the brunette would always call Solas after getting to know the elf. Just like the others, he always had a nickname for those he cherished. Tears welled up in the human's eyes while grief surged into his chest painfully.

He wished he could be like the other, blissfully ignorant to the many times he had stabbed Jack in the back for an empire long gone. Jack looked at Solas and smiled weakly. The tears fell down his pale cheeks and Jack had to forcefully wipe them away, digging snow damp fur into his icy skin. "Come on, my friend, let's get you inside the town. You need to get warmed up." Solas said, mercifully avoiding asking questions Jack wasn't sure he could answer now. Jack nodded and they both stood.

Much to Solas' embarrassment, the elf was stubbornly carried into the town. Unable to sway the human that his feet would not get frostbitten if he walked.

The envy demon was oddly quiet this time around. Jack was curious as to what the entity could be thinking. After being pulled into his own head, Jack hadn't really reacted the way the corrupted spirit no doubt excepted. He had looked around, blinked and completely ignored everything the demon had been trying to do. Jack remembers the time he had let the demon win. Remembers being forced out of his body, watching as the demon masqueraded as him until someone managed to kill it.

He still heard Cole's sobs at failing to help him at night when memories of that life would creep up on him. The area around him seemed to jerk with barely restrained shock. Jack paused, could the demon see into his thoughts? If it could, it wasn't really going to get much. His mind wasn't really being anchored to a single line of thought at the moment. Meaning it was going to be difficult to get a read on him. "You are right on that, human. And it is slightly eye opening to see how many times you've managed to defeat me." The demon grumbled and Jack smiled a hollow smile.

One thing was for sure though, he really wanted Cole's solid presence with him. Even if he couldn't see the spirit, knowing Cole was at least a call away comforted Jack. The spirit was naturally always able to soothe Jack's shaky mental state. He heard something step beside him and looked to find the Spirit of Compassion standing there, nervously fidgeting with his hands. As if he wasn't sure if he was welcome. Jack smiled a little more genuinely and held up a hand to the spirit. The blonde took his hand and walked with him through the whole ordeal.

Fighting the Envy Demon still made Jack shriek many a colorful word at being knocked over all the time. Much to Iron Bull's distracted amusement.

On the way back to Haven, Jack was humming a made-up song. Solas, Varric, and Iron Bull had been glancing at him repeatedly, both in concern and curiosity.

"The breach fades away. The demon comes to play. And the snow, falls, falls, falls. Say good night, my dear, for our Haven will soon fall too." Jack softly sang to himself. Eyes watching the breach as it swirled prettily in the sky. Jack wondered why Solas wanted them to strengthen the veil, since the elf was planning to get rid of it anyway. "Herald? What are you singing?" Varric asked, riding up to be side by side with Jack. The human looked at him for a moment and the sudden memory of a life losing Varric to a Templar's blade made the brunette freeze up on his Hart. That life had ended in Jack being stabbed in the back by a behemoth. He had never been so happy to die than then. The brunette just smiled softly and hurried ahead, despite the worried glance sent after him by the dwarf.

Jack stood once again under the breach. Waiting for the templars to gather around. He debated with himself on the future lives of Stroud and Hawke. The human had made the choice of Hawke once. And only once. Seeing the devastated look on Varric's face and hearing the grief in the Dwarf's voice made Jack very firm on that never happening again. Even thinking of it now made him want to find the red head and squeeze him in a hug. Though he made the distinct decision not to. As of course: A, Varric was fine, B, Hawke was very much alive, and C, Jack was currently standing below a giant rip in the veil.

Yeah, that wasn't something he was going to embarrass himself with anytime soon. Back to the breach!

He refused to let the guards rest, having mysteriously gotten Intel that there had been hostile movement heading towards Haven, convincing Cullen to start moving important things to the Chantry had been easy. That and convincing Leliana to call her scouts back home. Roderick could wait. Jack never really knew of a way to get him to spill on that secret path. Plus, Jack was always on bait duty anyway, so it never really mattered to him.

Cassandra had picked up on the fact that the soldiers had not started celebrating with the people. Finding Jack talking quietly with Krem on what the Chargers could do in aiding the civilians when the time comes. Talking with the taller human was always both helpful and enlightening. The male could think quicker than anyone Jack has ever known and could come up with better ideas too. The other brunette also had a mean shield bash, as Jack could prove with experience.

"Herald, if I may have a word with you?" Cassandra asked and Jack nodded. He waved goodbye to Krem, knowing it would be the last time he would see the Second in Command for a while. He turned to the raven warrior and gave her his full attention. "Yes, Lady Cassandra?" Calling her lady was always a habit he's had. He normally called her that when he felt like he was about to be lectured by her. "Do you know why the soldiers aren't celebrating? Or why Leliana's people are suddenly returning early?" The woman asked and Jack sighed softly in relief. She was just curious and concerned. Not angry. Though, before he could respond, a familiar sound echoed across from the door of the town. Enter in Dorian Pavus of Tevintor.

And thus, the fall of Haven has begun.

Jack winced as the Anchor flared to life at the power contained in the Orb. Knowing that Solas' magic was locked inside and was actively calling to a part of itself that had been taken was not pleasant to know. Being lifted by that pained arm was even more unpleasant. While Corypheus ranted on about the Golden City, Jack decided to test if the Magister would listen to his warning.

"You end up dying, I hope you realize this." Jack said bluntly. It caused Corypheus to actually pause and look at him in confusion. Seeing the human's blank expression probably didn't help the moron. "Your plans of Godhood fail very miserably. And I'm not even going to try telling you about your Archdemon. By the way, nice touch with the whole 'linking your soul to its soul so you don't stay dead' thing. Very hard to kill you." Jack said with a slight hysterical edge to his voice.

Of course, that resulted in Jack being thrown into the trebuchet a little more violently this time. Thankfully the dipshit didn't ask him to clarify his meaning. No doubt the Darkspawn thought himself too powerful to die.

Flying into the underground pathway still hurt like a bitch though.

Jack hates snow. He hates it with a burning passion. He hates Haven's snow, he hates Skyhold's snow, he hates Emprise Du Lion's snow. Though that last one was only second to its twin dragons and the unholy amount of templars and giants. He'd died twice to the giants in that damn keep. One ate him. Armor and all. Jack shivers both from the cold and the fear that memory provided. Best not to think about that right now.

Jack flinched when the familiar howl of a wolf guided him once more towards that narrow passage to his circle. Sometimes the brunette didn't know if he wanted to slap Solas or kiss him.

Hearing Cassandra's relieved voice always eased Jack on his way to freezing unconsciousness.

When the human woke up, he was not expecting Solas to be there. Looking uncomfortable leaning on the side of his cot, holding his wrist while Cole held his hand. His other hand was discreetly being held in a feminine, bronze colored hand. If Viv didn't want anyone knowing, then Jack was not going to tell anyone. Not that he had time to really, he was out like a light before anyone other than Cole noticed he'd woken up.

This time, he was able to stay awake longer. His hands free of the warmer ones holding them before. Though he was greeted by a very grey hand resting on his thigh. And a thicker bronze hand brushing through his shoulder length hair. That bronze hand was very encouraging on its quest to return him to that blissful void. Jack tried to move, but his eyes were already sliding shut again.

Jack was getting really tired of waking up, only to fall back to sleep again before questions could be asked. He wonders if it was intentional. Waking up alone was a bit disorienting. Though it wasn't the first time. When he woke, it was to that familiar bickering between Cullen, Leliana, and Cassandra. Josephine trying to play mediator, as always. The difference this time being Solas was leaning on his staff near Jack's tent. The brunette squinted his eyes at the male.

He wasn't behaving like that mysterious apostate who never got close to anyone. The only time Jack would see him was after the whole choir of people got done singing. Mother Giselle alerted him to her own presence the same way she always did.

"A word?" Solas' voice made Jack jump when the male passed him. Jack followed after him to that single torch for veil fire. "What troubles you, Sol?" Jack finally broken the silence. He knew the answer to that. The orb was Elvhen in nature, and Solas was worried it would be the elves that are blamed. Solas was still quiet for a moment before he approached Jack and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I worry about you. You have been acting strange as of late." The elf said softly and that caused Jack to blink. Solas never said anything like that.

He always spoke about the orb, the fate of the Elves, and the path to Skyhold. Never did he speak on Jack's mental health. Not in any of the past lives he's lived. Jack squinted and looked at Solas a bit suspiciously. "What do you mean? I'm alright." He said and the elf sighed a bit defeatedly. Like he was expecting that response. This resulted in Jack being pulled forward and into an embrace. The brunette's eyes widened, and he looked at the back of Solas' head. Tears welled up in his eyes and shakily he wrapped Solas in his own arms. Jack couldn't help the sob that escaped his throat.

This was the first time he'd been able to embrace someone without it being creepy. He had wanted someone to just hold him, even if for only a moment. The human and elf stood there for a moment longer before Jack pulled away, thankfully having spared the taller male a wet tunic. Jack was quick in regaining his composer. Faster than Solas was probably expecting, but then Jack has had many times to practice it.

After that, though, the conversation continued as it normally would.

Jack finally found his normal hiding place. Sitting down on the edge of that tower soothed his soul. Jack jumped once. He jumped off the side of his quarter's balcony. Much to the horrified shock of those who'd been there to see it. It had been after a Qun choice. That was also the same life Jack had courted Iron Bull. He was never choosing the Bull on that choice ever again. Big mistake. Even thinking of it now, it caused his soul to twitch in fear.

Talking to the ones he cherished was always a bit of a relief to his tired heart. Checking up on them, checking their mental states and health, seeing how they were handling the Keep. The only one he couldn't read was Solas. Again. Since he couldn't find the elf. And Jack had looked everywhere. Even climbed the stairs to Dorian's level only to jump down into Solas' office just to see if he somehow managed to magically appear there.

Jack leaned back against the battered stone wall and sighed. Tomorrow he would be going to the Hinterlands, he'd be starting his dragonslayer life with the Fereldan Frostback. Jack couldn't help but giggle hysterically once again. Four fucking times that thing has swallowed him. Once it even threw him into a pit to feed its offspring. That was a slow, agonizing death. Even worse than the life he was sliced in half by Hissrad.

He felt his eyes flutter shut and the cool air brush over his face. Jack decided to rest there, then return to the main hall. No doubt Josie was in a tizzy. She couldn't fault him for resting a moment, could she?

When he returned to the main hall, Josie was definitely in a tizzy. But not for the reason he expected. She was looking for someone who could go somewhere to get something for this person. Jack blinked and decided to approach her after she'd calmed down. Turning to go to his quarters, he was stopped by a cool hand that pulled him away from the door and to the outside. Catching up with events, he blinked to find Krem silently dragging him to the soon to be tavern Herald's Rest. What did the other male need from Jack? This was definitely new.

And hey! He found Solas. Talking to Vivienne about Cole no doubt. Though he couldn't really approach the elf at the moment with Krem dragging him like this. Just knowing where the other was eased a bit of tension from his shoulders. Inside the Tavern, Maryden was playing music and singing softly. Jack knew he was going to try and gently nudge Krem and Maryden together at some point! They deserved happiness too!

Krem sat him down in front of Bull, and that caused the shorter human to blink. "Yes?" Jack asked slowly. Tension leaked back into his shoulders the longer Bull stared at him. Though it was curious to see the horned male fight between Hissrad and Iron Bull. Jack was going to enjoy pulling the other away from the Qun. They never really appreciated the swordsman properly. "You're looking more tense than usual, Boss. Are you alright?" The Bull's voice snapped Jack out of his thoughts. The brunette flinched at the name Boss. He wondered if the Bull ever called him Bas. The two names sound so similar.

"I'm good, Bull. If I wasn't, I'd let someone know." Jack said with a small smile. He couldn't lie and smile a bigger smile than that. Hissrad had been trained to spot lies. Even lies to oneself. "If you say so, Boss. Though Cole might beat you to it. He's been rambling a monologue about your thoughts for an hour." Bull said in an annoyed mutter, though Jack only caught half of what had been said. He felt a chill go down his spine, his breathing catching in his lungs. How much has Cole voiced as he digs into Jack's hurts? What all does the Bull know? Looking at the horned male through his hair gave him the picture of concern from Bull.

The brunette gripped the clothe on his leg and stood up abruptly. He darted out of the tavern, being followed by the concerned voices of Krem and Bull.

He'd been keeping Cole close after that. Keeping an eye on what the Spirit mentioned in passing. He had Blackwall and Solas with him, too. He had changed his mind on hunting the Frostback. He didn't feel up to trying to kill it without Bull being present. Twice Jack has had to talk over the Spirit, not to be mean though it seemed that way to outside parties, but to get the blonde to understand that that wasn't something that needed to be up in the air. The pale eyed Spirit seemed to get the hint after the third time he talked over Cole's mumbling of a rougher life.

"Inquisitor, why do you keep interrupting the boy?" Blackwall asked and Jack turned to him, eyes eerily hollow. But that look quickly vanished into a soft, apologetic smile. "I just don't like the topics. Those points in my life aren't something I want to relive or have voiced." Jack said, omission wasn't a total lie after all. Jack turned, not catching the silent stares of confusion passed between warden and apostate.

Dealing with the Hinterlands Keep was a bitch! Just like all the others!

Jack never forgot to help each companion and advisor with personal quests. Not once. He felt it was key to getting them to relax fully. The quests for Calpernia still annoyed him to no end though. Corrupted Spirits or not, they were still difficult to get through. Especially the Pride Demons.

Adamant Fortress.

Jack had vomited outside of its gates. He was still uneasy about going into the Fade. It never mattered which group of three he brought. They always suffered with him in the end. He was sure seeing their leader puke outside of the fortress walls wasn't too comforting to his soldiers.

Jack still fought to keep his men safe on the ramparts. Helping Hawke and Stroud keep their health up too was a bit bittersweet. Especially Stroud.

This time around, Jack was able to save the other Wardens from becoming slaves to Corypheus. That was something he was going to write down for future lives.

Jack dry heaved; they were in the Fade. He had Cole, Solas, and Iron Bull with him. Cole was rubbing his back as his body tried desperately to get rid of something in his stomach that wasn't there anymore out of fear.

As they traversed the Fade, Jack had mentally blocked out anything the Fear Demon tried to frighten him with. Though from the looks the Spirit of Divine Justinia, even she knew that he was suffering anyway.

"Inquisitor, such a haunted and broken thing your soul. How many lives have you lived, only to die and start all over again at the start of this mess?" The Demon asked, obviously intrigued at whatever he was able to find in Jack's head. Jack had to laugh hoarsely. That, that was a very good question. "If I'm honest, I lost count." Jack muttered with a tired look in his eyes. Surprisingly, that seemed to shut the thing up all the way until they fought it.

Once again, Stroud would not come back from the Fade. And Varric's relieved expression soothed a small bit of the guilt welling up in Jack's tired soul.

Jack was laying between the doors and the railing on the floor of his balcony, lost in thought. So much so, that he didn't hear the soft sounds of footsteps approaching him until a shadow covered the sun from his shut eyes. Tired blue eyes met storm grey. Solas was standing over him with a frown. Already, whatever was bothering the elf did not mean well for Jack's sanity.

"What did it mean? You dying and starting over again." Solas asked as he sat down next to Jack's still limp body. Jack felt whatever bit of peace he'd gained get snatched away. "I think it meant how I'd wind up reliving the events of the Conclave repeatedly in my head." Jack answered as he moved his right arm to cover his eyes. He could use the excuse of the sun if asked, but really it was because he didn't want to have this conversation. Solas would not remember it come the next life so, what would be the point? Jack yelped when he felt a weight settle itself on his hips. He looked at the sight before him in shock. Solas was sitting on him. The rare times Jack had been like this with Solas was the other way around. Jack had once been an elven woman, a mage. Her name had been Haiti. She had long raven hair, striking amethyst eyes, and pale skin. She had been the one who had suffered the first betrayal. That memory still stung.

Jack laid his hands on Solas' thighs, ready to push him off if the elf showed distaste or discomfort. The elf was silent, obviously digesting the information Jack had given him. Jack looked at him as he too delved into his memory. Haiti was a lovely elf from her time. She wasn't a city elf, but she wasn't Dalish either. Not fully. She wandered the woods of her home at a younger age, more interested in the history that was long forgotten. It's how he knows so much about the Elven and Elvhen cultures. Just like he knows about Dwarven, Human, Qunari, Tal-Vashoth, Magi, Apostate, Templars, etc. He was full of knowledge from different races.

Jack felt a pair of hands rest on his own and that jerked him out of his thoughts. The brunette looked at the pale elf above him and blinked. Solas was looking down at him with a soft scowl on his face. Jack had to cock his head in slight question as to what was on his mind. "Something troubles you, what is it?" Jack asked and Solas sighed softly before he leaned down to rest his forehead against Jack's chest. Jack's hands twitched, but they remained in their place.

"Nothing, My Friend. Nothing at all." Solas said softly as he moved his own hands to rest on either side of Jack's chest. Both of them were silent after that.

"You like him!"

Cole was staring at him while he was working on a report for Leliana. Jack was aware of his confused gaze, his fidgeting getting worse the deeper he delved no doubt. Tomorrow Jack, Solas, Cole, and Iron Bull would be going to the Storm Coast to see this Qun Agent. But Jack had to smile, they were going there just so Iron Bull would become Tal-Vashoth. Cole giggled a bit and Jack looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

Cole's declaration caused Jack to freeze. Did the human like the Qunari? Sure, it would be safe to court the other male. But did that mean he really did like him? Jack rested his pen down on the desk and began to dig into his heart for the answers he needed. He wasn't sure. He wasn't sure about anything anymore. He forgot what he liked and disliked long ago, when this whole mess started. "Did I hurt you, Jack?" Cole's soft voice was closer than it had been before. Jack blinked slowly as he looked up at the blonde Spirit.

"No, Cole. You didn't hurt me." Jack said softly, he didn't even register the fact that Cole had said his name. His mind was spiraling into darker thoughts. Lives spent seeing people he loved die, see him die, betray him, kill him, or hurt him in some form or another. He's had a relationship with all but a few of the inner circle. Cole, Vivienne, and Varric. He can't say Leliana, as he had one male human life become involved with her. He decided that it was not worth thinking about right now.

Tomorrow is more important.

Standing in the rain while they waited for Gatt to get to them left Jack open to his thoughts. He wonders why he keeps switching between the Qun and the Chargers. He knows what happens between both. It always results in deaths. It results in Iron Bull choosing between Hissrad or Iron Bull. If Jack goes with the Qun, Hissrad takes the place of Iron Bull. If he chose the Chargers, Iron Bull is turned Tal-Vashoth and stays Iron Bull.

"His mind twists with the choices of the past. One is like a sword; one is like a poison. One causes him to be in pain, and one causes him guilt. He can't decide between the slow death or the quick one." Cole said softly and Iron Bull looked at the Spirit. Then the male's one eye turns to the back of Jack's head. Jack keeps his face out of his sight. He stares stubbornly into the fog of the coast.

Gatt arrives before the other male can question what the spirit meant by that.

"Hissrad you have to leave them! If you don't, it will cost the Inquisition a powerful alliance!" Gatt shouted and Iron Bull turned to Jack, finding the human male staring at Gatt with a dark look. "You pull them back, or I pull them back." Jack's voice was cold even to his own ears. But he finally realized why he kept switching between the Qun and the Chargers.

He didn't place his trust in either side.

And Jack was ashamed.

Iron Bull nodded and called the horn. Making the Chargers pull back. Gatt growled in anger. "Why would you do that, Hissrad?! Why would you go Tal-Vashoth?! Half the Qun already thinks you are one! Why stay with them?!" Gatt shouted and Jack stepped closer to the elf. "His name is The Iron Bull. Besides, I trust the Chargers more than the word of someone I barely know." Jack snarled and Cole took hold of his arm.

Gatt sneered at him and then walked off. Unlike the other times he asked the question of the ship sinking, Jack waited silently for it to explode. Then he turned to Iron Bull and the male turned to him. "Come on. Let's head back to Skyhold."

The ride back to Skyhold was quiet outside of the constant muttering of Cole.

Jack watched the rain fall the next few days after that. His mind going pleasantly blank. He was currently curled up in his quarters, blanket over his shoulders and legs pulled up to his chest. His arms were wrapped around his knees, Anchor hidden underneath and out of sight. His chocolate hair was messy and tangled, and his eyes dull. He wasn't thinking about anything. Not the past, not the present, and not the future. The future he has repeated over and over again.

Jack didn't hear anyone enter his room. But he did get jolted back to reality when the bed shifted under Iron Bull and Solas' weight. Both elf and Tal-Vashoth cornered the human on his own bed. Jack huffed shakily and curled tighter into himself. "Did you two need something?" Jack asked when neither of the two spoke after a while. Iron Bull shifted, wrapping his arms around the human, causing the man to yelp as he was lifted into the other male's lap. Solas sat across from the two on his knees.

Jack was tense, looking between the two of them. What was happening? This had never happened before! "Are you two alright?" He asked softly and Solas huffed at his question. "The better question would be if you are alright, Inquisitor. You've been acting rather odd as of late." Solas said as Iron Bull moved the two of them to the center of the headboard. Jack was silent for a long time. Trying to decide what to answer that with. It wasn't like they would remember anything he told them anyway.

"I'm as good as someone like me can get, Sol. There isn't much I can do to ease that stress right now. Not until the Darkspawn is dealt with." Jack finally answered, Iron Bull snorted, and the brunette already knew what he was thinking. "You could have asked someone to bed you really good. That helps." Bull said and Jack smiled a small smile. "It only helps for so long though. And I don't want to trouble people simply to bed them. I'm more of a lasting relationship type person."

Both of the other males shared a look Jack wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to. Before he knew it, he was laid down and wrapped in the blanket around his shoulders. He felt Iron Bull wrap his arm around his front while Solas moved to rest against his front. Jack was frozen for a good while. When the horned male started rubbing his stomach, it settled something in the brunette.

Jack couldn't keep his eyes open long enough to comment on it.

The Winter Palace was as chaotic and loud as always. People say the same things as before, only this time their words don't bother him. He finds all the things he needs, hears all the secrets, learns all there is to know. The uniform he wears makes him feel small and fragile. His mental state tipping over into a darker one. This time around, he keeps the courts attention firmly on him.

And this time, Empress Celine lives to form an alliance with the Inquisition. The brunette stands in the center of the balcony before he feels two different presences on either side of him. Solas and Iron Bull. They ease his stress and Jack convinces the elf to dance with him.

Dancing is one thing that never stresses the brunette.

The Arbor Wilds, Jack sneezed. Making Sera jump and scowl at him. He smiled apologetically and they continued onward to the puzzle room. He always loved doing the puzzles, they made him feel like he was an elf again when he became another race.

The Sentinels still scared the hell out of him though.

Abelas was confused when Jack slowly moved away from the edge of the structure. As was everyone else. The brunette was more tense than usual thanks to how close it was even now. As Jack, Morrigan, and Abelas talked, Jack's eyes kept darting between the edge and Abelas himself.

Thankfully no one commented on it and Abelas lived, much to Jack's relief. The Elvhen did not deserve to die for Morrigan's greed.

Jack would have to deal with Solas and Morrigan's lectures once they got home. Jack knew for a fact that he needed that knowledge more than she did. Seeing as the souls of Mythal's sentinels had the answers to the password later down the line.

Hearing so many voices soothed Jack. They blocked out the memories and silenced the screaming of the past lives he's lived.

Fighting the dragon of Mythal was still a pain, though he's eternally grateful he doesn't have to kill it.

Jack actually busted out laughing after all was said and done. He howled with laughter as his mind broke. Solas would leave, Dorian would leave, Varric would leave, Jack would lose his fucking arm. He held his head as his laughter dissolved into sobs. He went quiet when his eyes caught sight of the shattered orb. He looked up and into storm ridden ones.

Instead of apologizing. Instead of asking if it could be fixed. Instead of every other thing Jack could say, he just motioned to it. "I wish you the best of luck in rebuilding your empire. But I am fucking done. I've lived this fucking loop so many damn times I don't care anymore." Jack said as he slowly backed away from the orb and over towards where Cassandra's voice would call his attention away from the elf behind him. Giving the other the perfect opportunity to disappear.

He felt something slam into his back and Jack grunted as he fell over. He moved to see Solas wrapped around him. Jack was confused. Why was the elf holding onto him?

Solas looked up at him with tears in his eyes. Jack's own widened and the air in his lungs stalled. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything." Solas said and Jack felt his mind break even more. Not once did Solas ever apologize. Not in any of the past lives lived. "What?" The human breathed and Solas sat up to let him twist around. Then the elf buried his face into Jack's chest.

"I remember everything. And I am so sorry." Solas said as the human tensed up. Hearing that, knowing that Solas could remember everything that's happened, caused Jack to sob. He shoke violently as the pain surged up within him. Solas and Jack both walked down the stairs together.

And this time, Jack felt a little better about the future.

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