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kindahoping4forever · 5 years ago

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Yes, Sir // Ashton Irwin

This is definitely the fastest turnaround I’ve ever had for a piece of writing 🤡. Yesterday @spicycal sent me a TikTok of Ashton reacting to being called “sir” and as you can imagine, the inspo machine started turning for a lot of us. Pretty quickly, I jokingly pitched a premise to @pxrxmoore @cashtonasfuck and @feliznavidaddycal that served as a sequel to the fic I had just posted, You Were Digging Plants, I Dug You. The more I thought about it though, the more I liked the idea so I ran with it and here we are. Thank you to @cal-puddies for as always, reassuring me I was on the right track and to the anons who excitedly messaged me in anticipation for it. (And to @rebelwith0utacause for implying my writing was worth losing sleep over.)

Warnings: Boyfriend!Ash, Gardening!Ash, Home Repair!Ash, Dom!Ash (we love a multi-faceted man), references to bondage and cumplay, brief degrading language, sex in a public place, unprotected sex in an established relationship

Word Count: 3750

Masterlist // Taglist // Ko-Fi

Let me know what you think!

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“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were proud of what you’ve done,” Ashton accuses you with a smirk.

You drop your jaw in mock offense. “What I’ve done?! Ohhhhh, that’s right, that was my other boyfriend’s dick I was bouncing on that day. I’m sorry, baby, you’re correct. This was entirely my fault,” you offer with pouted lips, opening your arms for a cuddle.

“You were a woman possessed and your frenzied demon sex destroyed my relaxation zone,” he teases, pulling you in to first bite and then kiss your pout.

It had been a week since your spontaneous romp had ended in the untimely demise of Ash’s beloved hammock. He hadn’t let you hear the end of it since it happened and now the two of you were finally back outside, assessing the damage.

“I think I have a fabric patch kit in the garage but the framing is definitely fucked,” he mutters, picking over the pieces. “Gonna need new hooks… new spreader bar…”

“Been talking about getting one of those anyways,” you joke with a twinkle in your eye.

He gives you a look and shakes his head. “Jesus, already with you?”

You giggle and raise your arms in surrender. “I’m sorry, Ash, I honestly hate that I’m that girl but the manly man ‘lemme get my tools out and work with my hands’ act just does things for me.”

“Are you sure you want to go with me to get the supplies or are you gonna spontaneously combust right when we walk in the hardware store?” He teases, standing behind you and snaking his arms around your waist. “And you’re not that girl, you’re my girl.”

“Nice save,” you comment dryly and wiggle away from him; he chuckles warmly and you both walk back to the house.

While you’re getting ready to go, Ashton gets caught up taking notes on the hammock repair videos he’s found on YouTube so you end up heading out later than either of you intended. The home improvement store isn’t far but it’s LA so there’s still traffic and the car ride has a slightly tense air because of it.

You can tell how irritated he is by the way he’s relentlessly drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as you sit in the standstill traffic. You reach out and take his hand, both to calm him and to stop the noise. He looks at you appreciatively and gestures at the line of cars in front of him with his other hand. “40 minutes to go five fuckin’ miles,” he grumbles. “There’s no way this is getting done today, the sun’s gonna be goin’ down before we even leave the goddamn store.”

You kiss the back of his hand that’s tightly squeezing yours. “I told you, I’ll help you with everything tomorrow,” you remind him reassuringly. “It’s not a big deal, just relax, baby.”

“You know what would help me relax?” He turns to you with a smirk. “If I could go home and lay in a fuckin’ hammock.”

You finally arrive at your destination and enter the store. After his YouTube deep dive, Ash decided he should install wooden posts to hang the hammock on since your sexcapade uprooted the metal stand’s legs straight out of the ground. He heads over to visit the lumber department and you decide to browse through the garden center, thinking that if you pick out some new seeds for him, it might put a smile on his face.

Ash returns to you less than 10 minutes later, looking more agitated than ever. You raise your eyebrows to him as a silent question and he huffs, “They just happened to have sold out of what I need. Gotta order it, won’t be here until next week.”

You give him a sympathetic frown and rub his back. “I’m sorry I broke your oasis center or whatever you called it earlier,” you say, trying to lighten the mood.

He cracks a smile and starts browsing the seed packs in front of you. “I called it my relaxation zone and I’m sure I’ll forgive you someday.”

You two linger in the garden section, pointing out vegetables that could be helpful to have on hand and having a mild disagreement over which flowers would look best growing next to his sunflowers.

“My phone is dying and I need it for my shopping list, baby, can you Google and see if we can plant marigolds right now?” He asks, turning a packet of seeds over in his hands.

You pull your phone out of your back pocket, happy to see that he’s calmed down and is interested in making the most of this trip. You chirp emphatically, “Yes, sir.”

Ashton hears your response and lets out a sharp, raspy exhale that you’ve never quite heard before and he immediately tries to disguise it as a cough. You glance over at him curiously but he appears to be intensely examining the package he’s holding so you move on.

“Depends on what type but these ones you can plant through the summer, so we’re good,” you inform him, pointing to the seeds he’s holding.

“Cool,” he breezes and tosses them into your shopping cart. “What about... basil?”

“Yes, sir,” you say again, fingers adeptly typing. You hear a similar noise come from him, though he deals with it much better this second time. You’re sure this wasn’t coincidental this time and you peer at him over your phone to see his jaw clenching in a way you’re very familiar with. Interesting.

“I’m just seeing ‘warm weather’... maybe just get one pack to try?” You suggest, eyeing him, trying to figure out if what you suspect is going on is really going on.

He shrugs, “Couldn’t hurt.” He flings the packet into the cart and moves down the aisle.

Ashton tosses out a few more things for you to look up and while you’re happy to help, you’re also glad for the opportunity to test the theory you now have. You vary your affirmations to him and as you suspect, “Yes, sir” is the only one that seems to get a reaction out of him.

The garden center is located outside and the afternoon sun is just starting to hit the area you’re shopping in. You notice Ash has begun to sweat and if you weren’t in a mood before, you absolutely are now, so you decide to rile him a bit more.

“That sun is brutal!” You start, dramatically fanning yourself. “You’re lookin’ a little warm too, handsome… unless there’s another reason why you’d be sweating.”

He looks at you incredulously and you stare back innocently, eyes wide and shining; he stares you down as he briskly takes off his black button down shirt, leaving him in a white tank.

“Are you good or does the sight of any bare flesh in the presence of gardening paraphernalia have you needing to excuse yourself?” He fires back, whipping his shirt into the basket pointedly, glare challenging you to push your luck.

You smile sweetly and answer, “Oh, I’m feeling just fine. But thank you… sir.”

Mischievous grin on your face, you start to make your way to the end of the aisle, scooting your body between him and the shopping cart. Sure, you could’ve gone around the other side but that wouldn’t have given you the opportunity to graze your ass against his crotch to confirm - yep - he’s losing the battle he’s fighting with his cock and he is definitely harder than he wants to be right now.

As you pass by, his large hand grabs your wrist and wraps around it tightly. “Watch it,” is all he says but the low tone he uses mixed with the feeling of his hot breath on your neck has your head spinning.

You lay off your teasing for a while but if you’re being honest, you both seem to enjoy the charged air lingering between the two of you now. Ashton grabs your waist to move you out of his way so that he can look at a display and his fingers dig into your skin just a little too hard, causing you to gasp sharply. You stop to read a tag on the bottom shelf and just happen to catch his gaze as you lick your lips, on your knees in front of him; you hear him curse under his breath as he turns away, adjusting himself.

The cat and mouse game continues and judging by the hiss you get out of him the third time you “accidentally” bump his crotch, you’ve pushed it as far as you can; you know you’re probably in for a long night when you get home but maybe that’s what he needs to take his mind off of how frustrated he is with this project. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself. It’s also quite fun.

You leave the garden section, cart full of various treasures, and start to head for the checkout. “Wait, baby,” Ashton calls out and you stop. “I wanna get a couple of the things I need for the hammock so when I come back for the wood I can just pop in and out of here.”

He directs you to an area towards the back of the store; you follow him and wheel the cart down an aisle that’s filled with boxes of metal hooks and chains. He sees your eyes taking in the aisle and he makes a face at you. “Whatever obnoxiously horny crack you’re about to make, just do it now so you can help me look for what I need,” he says in faux exasperation, making a “come on” gesture with his hand.

You laugh genuinely, “I don’t have anything to say!” You walk down the aisle and peer into a few of the boxes on the shelves. “I do wonder if we might get a better price on some of these things at one of the other types of stores we frequent,” you say under your breath.

He ignores your remark and starts consulting the notes on his phone. He scans the selection of items and finds the types of hooks he needs, throwing them into your basket. He furrows his brow, unable to find the next thing on his list.

“What are you looking for, babe? Let me help,” you ask, eager to speed things up.

“We need this,” He states, standing next to you to show you a picture of chains on his phone.

You examine the photo and quip suggestively, “Yeah we do.”

He lands a light swat on your ass and you squeak. “Your jokes are gonna seem a lot less funny if you keep it up,” he warns quietly in your ear.

You look around and see that this section of the store is more or less deserted. Feeling emboldened by this discovery, you reach to palm him over his jeans. “Yes, sir,” you nonchalantly reply.

The words have barely left your mouth and his hand is already back around your wrist and dragging you to follow him down the aisle. Your logical mind says you should protest that his shirt, your sweater and all your intended purchases are being left in the cart unattended but the decidedly less rational section of your brain, the part that just told you to grab your boyfriend’s dick in the middle of a home improvement store, kind of wants to see where this goes.

You get your answer seconds later when he pulls you into a bathroom tucked away next to the employee break room; it’s small, only a couple of sinks and stalls, and looks infrequently used. Which is probably for the best because Ash does not appear to have any interest in taking you into a stall, at least not just yet.

He presses you up against the door, kissing you deeply with a bruising intensity. He pulls away and you gasp. “You’ve been acting up all day, sweetheart, you can’t be surprised we’ve ended up here.” His hand, large enough to reach across your entire face, grips your chin and turns you to look at him. “Is this what you’ve been aiming for, is this what you hoped would happen?”

His tone is harsh and his words threatening but his eyes glimmer with mischief, desire and excitement. You’re sure the look in your eyes matches his when you unflinchingly answer with a confident, “Yes. Sir.”

He smiles widely and leans in, kissing, nipping and sucking harshly at your neck. You groan against him, involuntarily, and then quickly wonder how thin this bathroom’s walls are and you start trying to recall if you saw anybody in the break room next door.

Ashton pulls back to admire his work on your neck and sees your concerned expression. His face softens for a minute and he asks you, “You remember your word, baby?”

You flash him a brief tender smile, appreciating how attentive he is, that he would pick up on even your briefest moment of apprehension. You nod enthusiastically and then your smile turns devilish as you think to once again answer, “Yes, sir.”

He hooks his fingers in your waistband and yanks you from the door, spinning you around and then pressing your chest into it. You hold your breath and brace yourself for the spank you’re certain is coming but it never does. You’re not sure if you’re disappointed but the way your core is throbbing hints that you probably are.

Instead of smacking your ass, Ash is rutting up against it, breath heavy against your neck, giving you goosebumps. “Feel this, baby? You knew what you were doing out there, you just couldn’t help yourself, could you? Gave you my cock this morning and you’re still begging for it, aren’t you?”

You bite your lip and wiggle against him, enjoying the feeling of his hard bulge pressing into you. “Yes, sir.”

Before you even realize he’s pulled away, that hard smack you’d been waiting for comes down on your ass and you cry out in surprise.

"That’s for being smart.” He presses his body roughly up against yours again and shoves his hand down your shorts, dragging his fingers through your folds, humming at the wetness he discovers there. “We’re on a fuckin’ shopping trip and you’re this wet for me? Even more desperate than I thought… and believe me, you were already very desperate in my mind.”

Ashton yanks his hand out of your shorts and pulls you away from the door, unceremoniously pushing you towards the sink counter. “Off,” he commands, gesturing to your bottoms. There’s not a lock on the bathroom door so he drags the metal trash can in front of the door, wedging it somewhat under the handle. “We already know you clearly can’t keep quiet, can’t have anyone barging in here to see who’s demeaning themself in the bathroom,” he taunts. “That’s only for me to see.”

You and Ash used to play like this all the time when you first got together but lately you’d gotten so caught up in your bubble of domestic bliss, it had fallen by the wayside. Things weren’t boring or unadventurous by any means but it’d been a minute since your last risky public romp or use of any degradation. Combining the two, plus the thrill of jumping back in after so long? Heavenly.

You hop up on the counter in your panties, shedding your tank top and spreading your legs, inviting him closer. “Yes, sir,” you tease with a sultry smile. “I’m your slut, no one else’s.”

He walks over and settles between your legs, kissing you hungrily as he unzips his pants and takes his cock out. “That’s right,” he growls. “Love hearing you say that… In fact, think I want you to see that too.”

He grabs you down off your perch and spins you to face the mirror lining the sink, your hands fly out to brace yourself as he presses you up against the counter, kicking your legs apart. He makes quick work of tugging your panties down your legs and then reaching over to jerk the cups of your bra down. You watch your reflection as he exposes more of your body to himself and now to you; you don’t even process your nakedness, your only thought is of how blown your pupils look.

Ashton lines himself up and pushes his cock inside you and begins thrusting roughly. You were undoubtedly turned on but the stretch is still a lot and you find yourself gasping and white-knuckling the counter at the sensation.

He sees your eyes start to close and he yanks your hair to get your attention. “I said I want you to see what a slut you are,” he breathes, already struggling to control himself. “Want you to see what I see, want you to see what everyone is gonna see if that door stop doesn’t hold up and someone comes in here and finds me giving you what you’ve been needing so badly.”

You whimper quietly at his words, at the thought of being caught. “Yes, sir… I love seeing how I look with your cock inside me…” You pant, “I already look so fucked out and we’ve barely started… I just wanted it so much.”

He slaps your ass again and the already loud smack sounds even louder given your setting. “We’re only at this fucking store today because we had to solve a problem created by your greedy little pussy and now that we’re here? You can’t even act right for a couple hours, got me hard looking at fucking flowers, now I’m having to bend you over in a fucking bathroom? How embarrassing,” he rasps at you through gritted teeth.

You love when he’s like this, you feel like you could almost cum from his words alone; you know it’s risking setting him off but you reach down and start rubbing your clit, you can’t help it. Ash immediately notices and laughs darkly. “Aww, baby, that time already? Go ahead and make yourself cum, sugar, the faster that needy pussy gets satisfied, the faster I can get on with my fucking day… until you’re back to begging me for it when we get home, of course.”

You’re aggressively meeting his thrusts now, throwing yourself back on him with pleasure being your only concern. You’d love to respond to his teasing with some sass of your own, rile him up some more but he’s hitting inside you just right and the only thing you can think to do is moan.

Seconds after you let out a particularly long moan, you notice voices can faintly be heard on the other side of the door, a pair of employees walking through the hallway. You catch Ashton’s gaze in the mirror and you can see the question in his eyes, letting you decide if you want to stop; you surprise yourself with how little you care and you stare at his reflection as you bounce yourself against him and rub your clit faster.

An amused smile paints his face and he whispers, “Starting to think you might want everyone to know what a slut you are for me. Is that what you want, baby?” His fingers dig into your skin as he drives his hips relentlessly into yours.

To keep from crying out, you bite your lip hard enough you’re almost sure you’re breaking the skin. You manage to gasp out, “Yes, sir,” before your orgasm completely takes your breath away.

The combination of you cumming around him and your breathless use of that phrase finally does Ash in and he thrusts into you only a few more times before his cock starts pumping you full of cum. Those voices outside the door are still somewhat present and you watch his reflection as he tries not to make a sound, fascinated by the way his jaw almost seems to be clenching in time with the pulsing of your pussy.

You both stand at the sink, catching your breath for a good minute, reality slowly starting to fade back in. You close your eyes and open them again, giggling once your mind finally starts to process the sight of yourself tits out, bottomless and bent over a bathroom sink in a hardware store.

Ashton smiles at the sound of your laughter and pulls out of you, hurriedly reaching for a handful of paper towels to help you clean up before things get too messy.

You accept his help and wryly ask, “You’re not gonna do the whole ‘no, put your panties back on, want you to feel my cum dripping out of you until we get home’ thing?”

He looks at you with amusement in his eyes and replies, “Gross, babe, we still have to go through checkout and everything. Jesus.”

You snort and pull him into you, kissing him sweetly before you both start the process of making yourselves and the bathroom look like nothing happened.

You manage to exit both the bathroom and the store without anyone catching on; you notice he’s in a much lighter mood and much more affectionate and touchy than he was earlier. You like it.

There’s traffic on the drive home but it doesn’t seem to bother either one of you; you’re excitedly chatting about the purchases you made and trying to decide what to order for dinner.

There’s a lull in the conversation and you can’t fight the urge to comment, “So… you definitely can’t tease me anymore for getting turned on by home improvement because I’m pretty sure you’re not gonna be able to visit that store without getting just a little bit hard now.”

The giggle Ash lets out fills the car and it’s the best sound you’ve heard all day. “I think whatever sex demon possessed you last week got to me,” he shakes his head in disbelief. “I literally had to stop myself from eating my cum out of you. That’s how far gone I was.”

You playfully jab his side. “I can’t even get you to do that at home and you’re trying to do it in a public bathroom? And we call me the slut in this relationship.”

He laughs again and squeezes your thigh affectionately. “Well… we have fun, don’t we?”

You place your hand on top of his, turn to him and grin. “Yes, sir.”

—-

My tag list is breaking my posts atm so apologies if you get tagged more than once/don’t get tagged at all while I figure out what the problem is!

—-

@mymindwide @suchalonelysunflower @loveroflrh @ghostofmashton @sexgodashton @ashtonangst @castaway-cashton @boomerash @megz1985 @ashdork-irwin @angelicfluffs @findingliam-o @abadaftertaste @myloverboyash @youngbloodchild @irwinsbetch @ashsun @everyscarisahealingplace @wiildflower-xxx @metalandboybands @another-lonely-heart @realisticnotes @makeamovehemmings @ashtondaddy90 @golden166 @burstintocolor @mfartzzz @babyoria @saphseoul @petunias-pet @youngblood199456 @notinthesameway- @seanna313 @calumftduke @zhangyixingxing1 @stardust-galaxies @Redeserts @zackoid @queenalienscherrypie @xsongxbirdx @justhereforcalum @laura66sos @calumrose @karajaynetoday @valdanvers @Obey-Kaylin

Click here if you’d like to be tagged for future fics and click here if your name is on my list but crossed out (Tumblr won’t let me @ you)

#5sos smut #ashton irwin smut #ashton smut #5 seconds of summer smut #ashton irwin fic #kindahoping4forever #smut #kh4f fic #Yes Sir #I have no idea where this came from and I can't believe I wrote this in a day lol #the clownery #fr shouts to everyone who encouraged me to churn this out #it was a challenge but i definitely feel accomplished and am happy with the result tbh #ALSO #if people are still interested in a True Sequel to this story lmk lol #That hammock ain't gonna fix itself #Feedback is appreciated #thank you for reading 🙏🏼

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currentfandomkick · 5 years ago

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Miraculous Team and the Batboys- Mundane Monday and Plot is Connecting Maybe

HEY so thank you all for waiting, puppy plus work being mobbed is hell, so this took forever to get brain power to write... oh well.

Marinette was on guard when she came into class. Her meeting of the “End Gabriel Agreste” Club with its core four members—herself, Chloe, Nino and Sabrina—went well. They were now 15% away from their goal.

Apparently Felix snatched up 3% on his own and gave it to MDC while she was away. Apparently it was his way of a peace offering… or a bribe not to kill him on sight. She wasn’t sure which… yet.

Properly awake and with her favorite drink (blend of dark roast, cream and a tiny bit of Energy Mayhem Special) she was good for the day. Everyone had their usual orders in their seats.

She raised an eyebrow when she noticed a text from Red Robin on her phone, currently a rose and bird emoji label.

RR: So, scale of one to ten, how bad is it if I accidently figured out your partner?

Marinette took a deep breath at that, checked the classroom (Nino was off with Kitty Section debating how to fix the ‘off’ bit of the rift in Rose’s latest song—something about it not ‘punching right’ and Luka being busy with his other band, Chloe and Sabrina were currently fighting Bustier in her office, Alya was conspiring with the Girl Squad on Lila’s end since she wasn’t in, Max and Kim were obviously eavesdropping on that conversation while Nathaniel was off in his own world). Damian still hadn’t come in, and Adrien wasn’t in yet… she wondered if her Chaton was going to sleep in for once.

LB: Please tell me you haven’t told your team

She kept her breathing steady, not letting panic overtake. That would alert people she didn’t want knowing, to looking, which leads to suspecting and rumors and theories and she’d like to avoid that entirely—especially since she still can’t really lie.

RR: I have a feeling you would kick us all out if I did, so I haven’t.

Marinette sighed, tension leaving her shoulders.

LB: Good. Keep it that way as long as you can, okay?

RR: They’re detectives, once they have the pieces they’ll put it together… also, why is your team so easy to figure out?

Marinette winced at that.

LB: Dumb Magic Rules.

Like the one that training a wielder young will prevent corrupting them to use it for personal gain. Like the one where a Guardian cannot be a True Guardian until they connect to the entire Box or Set of kwami. Like the one where Fu can’t give up being Guardian until she’s fully fledged… and that means until she can reclaim the Nooroo and Dusuu and heal Dusuu’s miraculous. That when she does—when she does Fu is gone.

She kept her breathing steady. nothing that they wouldn’t see as Typical Marinette Fretting Over Orders… not that they knew she had those cleared for the month.

“Good morning Dupain Cheng.”

She put her phone away easily, quick to keep up Typical Marinette (no plotting or superheroing here, just Typical Marinette, Baker’s Daughter and Keeper of Secret Drink Menu).

“Hi Damian, how was your weekend?”

“Annoying.” She winced at that. He didn’t exactly have friends here, and time differences are a horrible strain on them… Maybe Ladybug should keep an eye on him… just in case. “I hope yours was adequate.”

She was really wondering who taught him French today… he was being less him and more… stuffy than usual.

“I just needed some time away...” Honestly, she needed a lifetime away from Bustier and Hawkmoth… Lila was manageable (now).

“I am glad you were able to then.”

She was wondering where her deskmate went and why he wasn’t looking at her… Maybe she overdid it last week? She—no. She is stopping her analysis brain from going off and---

“Hello Marinette,” grinned obviously Not-Adrien. Seriously—how did they all fall for it back then? Body language, facial tics, accent—its all wrong.

She narrowed her eyes, not aware that Damian was doing the same beside her.

“Aw, didn’t you miss me?”

Nino came over then, scrunching up his nose as they both could tell Fake Adrien Agreste from the real one with ease now.

“What are you doing here,” Nino was definitely tired… He was not applying his sleep schedule quiz results at all. She was so lecturing him… lunch. She could pencil it in for lunch after wrecking Felix for taking Adrien’s place for the day.

“Oh, good to see I-Love-You Girl isn’t the only one that grew a brain since I last saw you all.” Felix raised an eyebrow at Damian, lingering. Plotting. “You’re new.”

“American Transfer, leave him out of whatever’s going on in that thing you call a brain.” Marinette was not going to deal with an akuma over this. Nope. She was not dealing with that again—or a series of Akuma… God she was going to kill Felix personally if he did. Chloe was untouchable as the Mayor’s daughter, but him? She could take him down again.

“And where’s my bro?”

“Your precious Ladybug,” He sneered, “didn’t cast whatever she did last time, and he’s home sick since his allergies are acting up. I figured it’d be as good a time as any to pull our old switcheroo to keep his Father-Farthest away.”

Marinette twitched at that. She knew she was forgetting something… She sent a quick text to Red Robin.

LB: Why didn’t you tell me it was Mr. Pigeon irl, not video!

RR: …you thought I figured it out from a video?

Marinette rolled her eyes openly at her phone, ignoring Nino as he threatened Felix with his own brand of Bro Shovel Speech.

LB: detectives, most of our battles are caught a decent amount on video, and most of Paris knows that Mr. Pigeon makes him sneeze. Really not a hard recon.

RR: I think you are overestimating my willingness to watch amateur video at length when I can outsource.

Marinette huffed at that.

LB: So you trusted them to not miss major clues when you were all working on different things and would miss key connections?

RR: we’re on the same page as a team. Plus, I get better info filtered with my apps

LB: Magic Fucks Things Up

RR: I’ve noticed.

She looked up to see Damian staring ahead, and wondered if she did something, or didn’t or—NO! Bad Marinette—no going down Rumination Ruin until its time to sleep. She needs daytime for Plotting, Nighttime for Anxiety and Regrets to run wild.

She kept her attention forward when class began, pointedly Not Talking To The Gremlin but not busting him either—she wasn’t going to get Adrien in trouble. Bustier may not notice the abuse signs, but a few other teachers had, and were given the ‘heads up’ by Nino and Chloe and Sabrina.

Lila was the only one unaware of the switch when she left during lunch to drop off a few deliveries her parents asked her to handle when the rush hit. Mostly to one elderly home, and one to her favorite Rescues Only center.

(if she was seen cooing at Lord Murder—yes she knows that’s a Bad Name but the giant kitty amputee was named that years ago before she was found and stubbornly refuses all other names. So, Lord Murder (Never Lady, she hisses at that) it was.)

She blinked when she saw Damian walk in on her checking the Lord Murder’s prosthetic.

“Hey Damian.”

“Dupain Cheng.”

Marinette nodded in acknowledgement and hoped he didn’t catch her calling Lord Murder “the lord and master of murder, the most deadly kitty in existence, and yes, clearly the most cunning of kitties to manage to scratch Mean ol’ Jean with the new paw when it doesn’t even have claws, because you are The Lord Murder, kitty of cuteness and wrath to all unwanted bath times.”

He was watching her then. “Lord likes you.”

Marinette raised an eyebrow, as yes, her favorite rescue (sorry Chat) likes her. She’s the one who argued them into letting them try out prosthetics and handled the funding (officially as MDC) and may have gone overboard on checking everything from the fits and materials and… yeah, okay, she could admit that the giant fluffy Norwegian Forest home in a millisecond if it wasn’t for the health code violation (soon… Gina mentioned she might stop renting out her old house soon as the current group was only a quick temp and she didn’t want someone else living there that wasn’t like family… and something about her Lost Son using it for the moment. Maybe she could convince Maman and Papa to let her do house sitting is she breaks out the Kitten Eyes.)

“Yes. Yes she does.”

Then Lord slow blinked at Damian. She wasn’t sure if she sould be offended or worry her favorite might be adopted by someone else, or glad that it was a serial pet adopter that actually took care of their pets and would be just as nuts as her about making sure Lord Murder was happy and healthy.

“I see she likes you too.”

She could feel Tikki dying in her bag… yes, she was being… awkward. She got it…

“Anyways, I should get going, still have a delivery to do and all so…”

She didn’t, she just really had no idea how to broach the Awkward that was Damian Greyson at the moment.

“See you tomorrow.”

That got him to pause. “Tomorrow?”

“Uh, gymnastics for the rest of the day, making up for what I missed so…”

“If you see the Other Grayson, tell him he is not to hug you.”

Marinette raised an eyebrow. “I…” Brother, father, maybe cousin or legal guardian or friend of his father’s. Too many possibilities, too much to spiral on that she can’t right now. SO.

“O. okay then.”

“Good.”

Marinette waited for him to leave the room, looking at a Too Amused Lord Murder.

“Don’t you start with me, I know I’m a mess on a good day. And no, I’m not overthinking this time Lord, I’m planning, there’s a difference… And no, its not an Alya Plot.”

Those went sideways too fast.

She left with ease and froze at the text from Red Robin.

RR: Can we meet up tonight? No traces that way.

She sent a time and place and –If no akumas happen.

THANK YOU ALL FOR WAITING. it has been a hellish time at work and extra shifts and war-zone lately on top of Precious Puppy Bonding and Care. As always, edits when I can get there and any comments or things you'd like to see expanded on more, leave a comment and I'll try to work it in if it flows.

As you can see, Plot Lines are converging soon.

Big Question though--what kind of Lila Exposed By Class do we want/are angling for? I can go legal or social backlash, blacklisting from Agreste brand, or some combo, or keep it a background element as I don't like how cannon Lila is written and the characters altered to make her bad lies work, so...

Other inquiry--do we want Dick to see Marinette take down someone (probably trying to rob her) on her way out of her gymnastics place on her way home using a few Obviously MIxed Gymnastics and Specific Brand of Martial Arts that feels oddly familiar to Nightwing who tells Red Robin and for him to groan as 'Coffee Angel, Why!' and then the next day its 'oh. Coffee Angel is also That Woman's Granddaughter. It all makes Sense now.' (as i hc Gina as probably busting a few drug, weapons, and human trafficking rings on occasion as how she met Jason back in the day) OR for him to only see the end as Nightwing and stare as she took them down and used her earbuds as 'makeshift handcuffs' while she's calling Sabrina as "I'm fine, no dodged their hits and yes i didn't get gassed this time... yes I'll let the medics look me over and no i'm not going to vanish before they get here unless Akuma, Yes if that happens i'll go to the hospital after--Look, i think i saw a shadow just move. I'm going on Akuma-mode now so... Thanks!" before running to meet up with Red Robin and have it take meeting Gina and looking between Gina and Marinette and how she responds to Jason trying to spar with her and then it clicks? I can go either way, but... Tim figures them out quick and straight up says at one point "I mean, Queen Bee after Style Queen, inverse colors... I've seen the multiverse, I had her pegged after seeing her in the bakery last week." All while Not Telling The Bats as Marinette's team doesn't even know and he has a feeling (correctly) she'll react Badly if she isn't the one to tell him before he comes clean, and ears her bolting as 'no support, team leader, and often absentee and likely disabled mentor, civilian life was a wreck for two years and her civilian safety net is only JUST reforming... hm. That's Famil--Oh.... well... wait until trust is there and let her move on that front, try not to set her off and offer help in what she'll allow--or risk pissing off the demi-goddess of creation and his Coffee Angel. Which he'd like to avoid, please and thank you.

Yeah, Tim is definitely going to Project on Marinette in this.

Also, I see Jason or Dick as Getting Marinette is InvolvedTM next... and Damian being the one to confirm the suspicions.

Prefer Jason Big Brothering or Dick "New Sister Mode Engaged" to suspect she's a temp hero? (Jason via Have You Seen Her in a Spar--and it's Gina's Granddaughter vs Dick 'Her Moves are Too Familiar, Maybe Ladybug uses her as a Body Double and trains her?' as the first Suspicion Arisen among the Bats.

#maribat #daminette idea au #miraculous team and batboys #my writing #my writings #how do you tag #long post

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thesinglesjukebox · 5 years ago

Video

youtube

FULL TAC FT. LIL MARIKO - WHERE'S MY JUUL??

[6.11]

Do we choose rule, or do we choose suck?

Alex Clifton: Juuls. Juuls. Juuls. Oh my god, Juuls. [7]

Katie Gill: It's a little bit telling how all the comments on the YouTube video are comparing this song to other meme songs and not talking about the merits of the song itself. Still, there will always be a place in the world for meme songs that are serviceable memes but less than serviceable songs that teenagers can obnoxiously quote on the bus. "Where's My Juul" fits that niche perfectly. I expect a fleet of TikToks featuring people lip-syncing to this and will be very disappointed when this inevitably doesn't happen because I am out of touch with the youth. [6]

Kalani Leblanc: I can see there's already an abundance of blurbs submitted for this song, and the number will have risen by the time I finish this. After thinking so hard about how to go about being the fifteenth person to say "It sounds like "Shoes"," I'm realizing it's not really "Shoes" anyway. While they're both jokes that bear a resemblance in the thrash of a breakdown, "Where's My Juul??" is also listenable. The comparison is getting tired because it's like did anyone listen to "Shoes"? As a song? In earnest??? While this is not an entirely impressive piece, no concerto or FKA Twigs production, it's enough. Since 2006, we've been making everything into jokes, so it makes perfect sense. Nicotine-induced freakouts would've been the subject of an after school special ten years ago, but now they're joke material for hypebeasts and others on Twitter. Lil Mariko makes an impressive case while trying to find her Juul; I can't find anything this song did wrong, sorry. [8]

Will Adams: The mid-song 0-to-11 ramp is what takes this past the mean-spiritedness of "#Selfie" and the meme-spiritedness of "Phone" into effortless "Shoes"/"Let Me Borrow That Top" absurdity. The Juul is a placeholder; sub in any other monosyllabic cultural artifact, and Lil Mariko's rage against Full Tac's electroclash-y beat would cut through just as effectively. "Sorry, guys!" she says at the end, except there's nothing to apologize for. [7]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: I wrote 20 pages about Juul culture in 2018 so I should in theory be the exact target audience for this. Yet "Where's My Juul??" doesn't really click for me. It's charming and funny in parts (Lil Mariko's spoken verses, which transmit nervy anxiety and barely restrained fury effectively) but the hook, which takes up most of the very long minute-forty-five, is comedy via brute force principles: repeat a phrase enough and it will transfigure into a joke. [5]

Brad Shoup: About as funny as the related TikTok meme, though not as menacing, surprisingly. I wish so badly that Full Tac had gone full hardcore -- or even brostep! -- but am glad that Lil Mariko's Danny Brownian ad-libs and sudden reversals grind "#SELFIE" into the dirt. [7]

Oliver Maier: I need not catalogue the myriad ways in which this is transparently designed to blast off on TikTok -- you would probably know better than me -- but that cynicism detracts from "Where's My Juul??" for me. There's none of the spontaneity or sense of genuine fun that animates certain other genre-agnostic, threat-spewing, extremely online weirdo duos, more savvy than it is genuinely silly. It's not badly executed, but I felt like I got the picture before even hitting play. [4]

Will Rivitz: I get this is supposed to be more meme than song, but I so wish it had leaned into the latter for more than half its runtime. The "FUCK!!!" at the beginning of its second chorus is worth at least a [7] on its own, and its redlining nu-metal production is such a tight fusion of XXXTENTACION's sonic fingerprint and simplified TikTok trap that I'm surprised the "oh my God" ad-libs aren't followed by a "Ronny." As it stands, "Where's My Juul??" and its just-a-little-too-long interludes that grate after listen number four or so functions as a sort of "Thrift Shop" for the current day, a track defined by its novelty that we as an Internet music-Twitter hivemind all agree was genuinely good about five years after it's exited the public consciousness. It deserves more. [8]

Ian Mathers: Both less musically compelling and with less of a point than "Can I Get a Box?". [5]

Katherine St Asaph: It's kind of amazing how it took seven years for Rebecca Martinson to release her debut. [1]

Nortey Dowuona: Lil Mariko is actually kinda weird in the lol so random funny way that people think that [insert overrated white comic who had a Comedy Central show] is and has a really great metal screaming voice. I don't know who made this dull approximation of Kenny Beats and Pi'erre Bourne, nor do I care. Lil Mariko will hopefully get a recurring cameo role on Nora From Queens and get her own show from that. [5]

Mo Kim: The best joke here is the escalation of nonchalance (hey, where's my Juul?) into something desperate, and therefore dangerous: it hits like the drop in a rollercoaster when Lil Mariko finally breaks out the deep-throated metal screams, but the moment wouldn't have half the thrill without the masterful way she gradually ups the heat on the song's first chorus before that. Both of her spoken monologues, where she merges Valley Girl affect with murderous menace, only sweeten the deal. [8]

Ryo Miyauchi: "Where's My Juul??" gets spiked with an infectious dose of adrenaline when it suddenly turns a lot more aggro than you'd expect from a meme-y cross-section of Rico Nasty's mosh-pop and PC Music's ironic bubblegum. The demented beat stings with a pungent metallic sourness, and while her Valley Girl accent scans as an obvious put-on, Lil Mariko's blood-curdling scream is legitimately hair-raising. The song rapidly combusts, ensuring the joke doesn't overstay its welcome. [7]

Joshua Lu: Yes, hearing the unassuming Lil Mariko scream and snarl over a missing Juul is intrinsically funny, especially accompanied by a music video that knows exactly how to push the limits of its concept. But the real strength of "Where's My Juul??" lies in its sheer relatability. The title could be anything -- where's my wallet, my phone, my eraser -- because anyone who has ever misplaced anything can relate to the escalating panic and rage in not only the cataclysmic vocals, but also Full Tac's discordant production. Also crucial to the song is its sense of plot, as it steadily progresses from confusion to blame to outright violence. The ending, though predictable (Lizzo used the exact same twist not that long ago), is a necessary denouement, as it provides the moment where everyone involved can look back on the last minute and a half of chaos and laugh. [8]

Iain Mew: As a song structure trick, I love the fake-out final verse, those ones that seem like something slowly developing before the artist brutally cuts it off for the chorus or instrumental to come back stronger than ever; the "Don't Speak" and "Your Best American Girl" kind of thing. The key moment of "Where's My Juul??" comes in taking that same trick to a ludicrous, brilliant extreme. It has a drawn-out, jittery verse, a cartoon scowl of a chorus, and then one question into verse two it veers straight into swearing, screaming and fucking everything up. That's perfect enough that it would ideally be even shorter than it ends up. [7]

Kylo Nocom: Full Tac and Lil Mariko do in less than two minutes what took Justice five. The gimmick is the least fun part, and judging by my sample size of BigKlit's "Liar" and Full Tac's very own "CHOP" the producers behind this might not even be as funny as this video would imply. But I've long settled with music that's good on the merits of just being fun; when the production here is layered with discordant guitar sampling, analog drum kits, and distant screams of "piss!" and "fuck," I'm willing to buy into the ugliness. [8]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Full Tac returns with another take on "Liar," succeeding because the goofy conceit here finds an appropriately goofy (that is, unexpected) vocal performance. Part of the appeal is how "Where's My Juul??" could sit comfortably alongside songs from Rico Nasty and Rina Sawayama, but has the appeal of shoddy viral videos from yesteryear. It's that "Kombucha Girl"-type reaction it's striving to elicit, and it accomplishes that as soon as the screaming starts. The best detail, though, is the most subtle: the moment Lil Mariko stops herself from saying "who" and politely asks "have you seen it?" [7]

Michael Hong: Have you ever been dragged to a party only for your only friend to disappear, leaving you to mingle with a group of people you don't know? And one person makes a comment so absurd that you just giggle along with the rest of the group even though you're not really sure if they're layering their statement with even a hint of irony or if there's something much more unsettling lurking underneath? But the jokes are getting more and more uncomfortable and suddenly fewer people are laughing along, instead furtively glancing across each other with an exasperated look as if to say "is this person for real?" And instead of backing away, that person instead starts doubling down, getting more and more aggressive, screaming across the room for what feels like hours and surely people must be ready to head out. Instead, when you finally catch a moment to glance down at your phone, you find that only two minutes have elapsed since you arrived and you realize that not even a quarter of the time has passed before your ride will come and you can leave this godforsaken party. You have absolutely no choice but to continue standing in the group in discomfort, waiting for this moment that feels like an eternity to finally finish, with the only background noise being the stereos blaring what sounds like someone's first attempt at using GarageBand. [0]

Crystal Leww: While I was digging through "likes" on SoundCloud, I noticed that a friend of mine had liked "Baby Let Me Know" by Full Tac, which sounds like the synth heavy dreamy pop that was popular at the beginning of last decade. I did not stick around for "Where's My Juul??" so imagine my surprise today when I turned this on and it's umm, screaming. A consistent genre as an essential part of an up-and-coming artist's brand is less essential than ever, especially in an age where (waves hands) dance music has eaten itself alive in its swirling storm of troll energy. Chaos in and of itself is a brand -- from 100 gecs to Alice Longyu Gao's dueling sister tracks "Rich Bitch Juice"/"Dumb Bitch Juice" to any DJ Bus Replacement Service set, it has fully infiltrated dance music. How this goes from sweetly threatening to full-on psychotic and back to cutely apologetic is chaotic so yes, I think Full Tac could make some noise (both in creating a fanbase and also like literally) with this. [8]

[Read and comment on The Singles Jukebox]

#Full Tac #Lil Mariko #pop #meme #music #music review

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wtfrace · 7 years ago

Text

a lapse of judgement— chapter one, racetrack higgins.

in which rosie lewis is all of a sudden very flustered around her roommate, racetrack higgins— and has absolutly no idea what to do about it.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

rosie lewis must have been on something last august. something that must have desparatley lapsed her common sense— otherwise there was no explanation for how she ended up living in a sub-par apartment with three chaotic boys.

she had just started her sophomore year of college, and after two of her roommates transferred to another school a state over, she was desperate for either help with rent, or a place to move in. she had put out an ad on craigslist, as well as several flyers around campus, and waited anxiously for a reply. it came in the form of an email from someone named albert desilva. the message had begun with okay this is a long shot, and had more or less gone down hill from there.

the boy had then explained that he, and two of his friends, had been kicked out of their shared house off campus (under circumstances that were absolutly not our fault, please don’t let that lapse your judgment) and they were looking for a decent place to stay. here comes the part that made rosie think she absolutly had to be smoking something at the time— because she said yes.

now, a year and a half later— she was living in a decently large, very messy, apartment with albert desilva, antonio, racetrack, higgins, and elmer kasprzak.

now, don’t think for a moment that rosie didn’t adore those boys. at first she had been hesitant towards their loud & boyish personality’s, but now she wasn’t sure how she had ever lived without them in her life. they were as messy as her, and usually pretty annoying— but above all that they were caring & considerate & really good at making her smile. living with them had come with perks, including but not limited to almost free takeout (via elmer’s job at the italian place a few blocks away), exposure to the best movies she had ever seen thus far (via albert’s excellent taste) and rarely wavering emotional support (via race’s general personality).

so it definitely wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy living with them— moreover that occasionally it made it hard to do simple things. last month, they had sat down to figure out bills together, but had become distracted half way through by a new episode of criminal minds. a few days after that they tried to do it again, and ended up following race to the roof to see what he claimed was “a giant garfield balloon” (which there was, but still.) now, as rosie tried to complete the simple task of creating a grocery list— she found herself overwhelmingly distracted.

“in conclusion,” elmer said assuredly, “turning race’s bedroom into a vegetable garden would be only profitable to the over-all wellbeing & financial structure of our group.” rosie looked up for the first time during his spiel, continuing to write vegan mac & cheese (cheap kind) as she did, and gave him a pointed look.

“and in this made-up situation, where exactly would race be living?” she asked, glancing at the tall boy that was currently trying to see how many of albert’s textbooks he could balance on his head.

“well, race is statistically the least useful person in this apartment. we could kick him out, or just make him sleep on a mattress on the fire escape.” elmer said dismissively, mostly joking but also a little serious.

“el, we aren’t kicking race out so you can overtake another room with your herbs & dahlia’s.” rosie said, a small smile on her face as she glanced pointedly at the not one, but three pots placed on top of the cabinets (so high that it took two people to water them, one with the watering can, and one holding a rickety step-stool.)

“aw, that’s sweet flower, you care about my wellbeing.” race said cheesily, dropping the books back onto the kitchen table & pinching her cheek. this brings us to what had been distracting her the most. all day she had been weird around race. he was an unusually touchy person, but rosie has grown so used to it she barely noticed— except for today. all of a sudden every touch sent her face heating up & her heart plummeting. it was the strangest thing she had experienced in a while, and it was beginning to make it difficult to be in the same room as him. now though, she was determined to finish her grocery list, and ignored the stir in her stomach to shoo him away with her pen.

“more like your rent, racer.” albert said, yawning as he joined them in the kitchen. “wanna watch interstellar with me, rosie?”

“no! i’m determined to get this done this weekend, and it’s sunday and i’ve barely finished a list of what we need.” rosie exclaimed, “the only thing in the fridge right now is elmer’s prized wonka-bar, and three half finished arizona ice teas. so if you don’t want to starve— help, or leave.” albert and elmer shared nervous glances, and simultaneously exited the room. rosie was very rarely angry or annoyed, but when she was, she was a force to be reckoned with. talk about an unstoppable force meeting an immovable object.

but, to rosie’s great dismay, while those two left, race chose to stuck around.

“i can see you’re frustrated, rosie— and i assure you, we won’t leave this room ‘til your list is finished!” race said, sliding into the bar-stool next to her. great, just what she needed.

“c’mon race, be serious.” a statement equivalent to asking a penguin to be a giraffe.

“hey— serious is my middle name, doll!” rosie screwed up her face, ignoring the fact that her heart was beating rapidly at that comment. she was beginning to tire of whatever new variable was causing her body to go into SOS mode when she was around him.

“you sound like a newsboy from 1899 when you call me that.” she said, eyebrows raised impertinently, and cheeks dusted with red. oddly specific, but completely accurate. race grinned back at rosie, stealing the list from in front of her, and sliding the stool closer to her so their elbows were touching.

“there’s a soar lack of ninja turtle fruit snacks on here.” race said, then stealing the pen from between her fingers to scribble down a few words across the sheet of paper. it was going to be a long night.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

it took rosie the rest of the night to figure out what was bothering her.

after race had enthusiastically helped with the grocery list, he had been insistent on accompanying her to the store a few blocks away. the walk had felt a little better— the cool march air refreshed rosie a little, and she had settled into normal conversation with race (the downfalls of dunkirk, and the proper rating of 17th century artists.) they walked side by side, both with smiles on their faces, through the ever-crowded streets of greenwich village.

they got to the grocers at around 7, just as the sun was beginning to set, and rosie was thinking that maybe she had a temporary lapse in judgement earlier, seeing as she didn’t feel anything looking at race now. and then, he had blown her theory clear out of exsistence, when he easily scooped her into his arms, and deposited her into a shopping cart. rosie could feel her entire body flush red, as she gaped slightly at the taller boy. her stomach was doing a gymnastics routine not unlike elmer if you got him drunk enough, and race was grinning adorably like it was the most normal thing in the world.

still though, she had no idea what was causing her so much tribulation. until the canned foods section.

race had been unwilling to help rosie out of the cart for the entirety of the trip, insisting that she needed a break after working on her feet all day saturday— so she watched from her mildy uncomfortable seat in the basket, as race tried to bowl using a can of soup and six skinny boxes of spaghetti. too entirely flustered to insist that he stop, rosie simply stared— something in her alighting when he turned back to her with a pleased smile on his face. his hair was messy, in need of a cut, and hanging sloppily across his forehead— and every freckle & scar of his face was clear in the harsh light of the grocery store. his hands were raised in victory (having successfully knocked down all the boxes without being caught by an employee) and the baggy sleeves of his sweatshirt bunched at his wrists.

then she knew.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

24 hours later, rosie stared pitifully into space, as she ate a bowl of lucky charms, sitting criss cross on jack kelly’s countertop. jack, along with his boyfriend davey, leaned against the counter opposite her, eyeing the girl with an air of concern.

jack had been a friend of rosie’s for years— and had subsequently met davey (a friend of race, elmer and albert’s) when they were inevitably at the apartment at the same time. seven months later, they were dating, and sharing the rent on an apartment at the border of chelsea & greenwich village. albert called them gross, elmer called them a match made in heaven, but either way it was agreed that the four were subsequently the reason they met— and therefore should have the right to be the namesack of their first four children.

“okay, rose, you got your lucky charms. are you going to explain why you were on my doorstep in near tears at one in the morning, now?” jack asked, eyebrows raised with conviction.

“i got feelings, jacky— i need to know how to make them go away.” rosie’s voice came out barely a whisper, her statement sounding much more ridiculous once she said it out loud.

“you— what?” davey elbowed jack in the side, a knowing expression on his face as the two had a clear wordless conversation.

“you heard me!” the girl exclaimed, her face pitiful & desperate enough to draw genuine concern from the boy. “you got over kath, i need to know how to get over this.” jack scratched the back of his neck.

“well... it helped that kath was a lesbian. i’m assuming that’s not a variable in this situation.” jack shrugged, “c’mon rosie, you’re going to have to give us more information than that.”

“race.” the single word drew a scoff from jack’s mouth.

“rosie, i could have told you that weeks ago.” davey said, confusion clear in his expression, “what’s so bad about having feelings for race?”

“that kid wouldn’t do anything to hurt you if we paid him a million bucks & threw in a razor scooter.” jack added. rosie glared at them, opening her mouth to respond but struggling on how to word her feelings. jack crossed his arms over his chest, head tilting a little to the side.

“it’s a problem! i-i live with him! an’ on top of that he’s one of my best friends, and he would never in a million years like me back so if he ever found out— which he definetly would the way i’ve been acting, then—“

“dear god lewis, i love you, you know that, but you’re actually hopeless.” jack huffs, causing rosie to stare blankly at him. “race doesn’t like you back? how do you explain— like everything he does! are you forgetting the time he literally proposed to you with a basket of olive garden breadsticks!”

“he’s race, jack, he’s like that with everybody! that same day he flirted with a pigeon on the sidewalk outside of olive garden!” davey blinked, holding a hand up to interupt.

“first of all— that was months ago and the fact that you both remember it so vividly is a little unsettling. second of all, i knew him before you did, rosie. before he moved in with you he did flirt with anything that breathed, but now? i haven’t seen him give any man, woman, or bird other then you a second glance.” rosie looked dreadfully unconvinced, stirring her spoon absentmindedly through the now empty bowl. her heart had admittedly soared a little at the thought of race liking her.

for a split second, her brain let her imagine her and race together: sprawled across the sofa in the living room, his hand in her hair, we bare bears playing lowly in the background, race occasionally laughing gently & pressing a kiss to her forehead. she imagined waking up to his ungodly snoring, but smiling like an idiot anyway, because he was damn beautiful in the mornings. she imagined walking through little italy hand in hand with him, giggling as he pointed out stupid things in the windows of shops. then— she got a grasp of reality, pushing the thought out of her head. she couldn’t afford to get her hopes up— not when there was a huge chance race had never thought about her that way.

“i don’t like this,” rosie mumbled, setting the bowl by the sink, and pulling her knees to her chest. “how do i make it go away? seriously— no matter whether you think race likes me or not, how do i make it go away?” jack and davey exchanged a look, before laughing simultaneously.

“that isn’t really how it works, rosie.” davey said sympathetically, “you can act on it, or you can put up with it until it eventually fades away but—“

“i can’t put up with feeling like this for much longer.”

jack looked at her like the answer was obvious, “then act on it.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

part two to be posted soon

#racetrack higgins #racetrack higgins x reader #racetrack higgins x oc #race higgins #newsies #newsies live #newsies fic #albert desilva #elmer kasprzak #newsiesau #myworks

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writingonjorvik · 7 years ago

Text

Can We Discuss Why Reducing the Price Will Help the Game?

Don’t get me wrong. I get there is a business to funding SSO. The whole thing must cost millions to produce, in euros and in USD. I don’t want anyone to take a pay cut to get SSO out. And it’s not like I stand to gain any discounts from saying this, I got Lifetime for $50 when it was still the annual membership price. However, with the current pricing scale, the dev team isn’t really keeping up with their competition. That’s bad for the game overall, and if the devs can’t turn a profit in a year then there’s no game. As such, let’s discuss.

I will acknowledge a few things. One, the dev team keeps the lights on and they are expanding the company. I am not one to say that the game is failing. But it’s also not making a profit. It is increasing its size enough to expand, but it’s also keeping its gains about equal to its losses. That’s not bad, that’s most indie companies, so this is a plus overall. Two, SSO’s membership does reward members with Star Coins each week which is, complicated. Because while that is a service that may take away from sales over all on their micro-transaction front, there’s also no production cost on a Star Coin. There’s no work lost on that service as it’s an entirely computer generated good, no employee involved. But it is an overall plus for the company.

That said, some of SSO’s prices are way out of line when compared to their competition. To start, let’s look at a few other popular MMOs. Here is a list of some of the most popular MMOs and their membership prices. SSO’s monthly payments are about average, if not a little lower, with most MMOs at $8.50, but the issue with monthly payments is convincing people to keep paying. Buy-to-play and one time purchases are much more appealing model to most players because it’s the most financially responsible decision, and most MMOs with membership options have much larger free to play sections with membership just having some added benefits for show and level gain. So with SSO’s limited demo area where it’s much harder to get a sense of the game compared to the wider demo sections or completely full free versions of some MMOs, SSO might be a little harder to sink $8.50 monthly, and definitely is a hard sell for $75. Why spend that on a relatively indie game when you could sink your money on a more established MMO with about the same deals?

Now, that’s not an entirely fair comparison. SSO has a niche market it’s playing to. That’s fair. SSO is one of the few fully open world horse centric MMOs out there. Again, credit where credit is do. But again, let’s have a price comparison to some other popular horse MMOs and online games. Alicia Online, free with micro transactions to be added. Little trickier to get because of the wonky install, but free. Riding Out, in beta, but it’s only $20 and on Steam. Riding Club Championships, free. Horse Isle, both of them, free. Ostwind, $15. Any number of browser based games like Howrse, White Oak, Pony Isle, so on, all free with micro transactions. And this is all before we start getting into just horse games, to which there are numerous for cheaper one time purchases, the highest being about $30 based on age and active bidding. SSO and its franchise are about the only exceptions to this, with the old CD-ROMs being about $40 a piece on average.

No part of this is saying that SSO isn’t worth the price. To me, it always has been. But I fit the market and have the funds to afford it. I am a minority in that statistic. What I’m saying, with SSO’s competition in and out of this niche, they don’t hold a candle. Why pay SSO for what you can get basically get for free somewhere else? Sure you lose 3D graphics and some of the open world nature, but for free? Most people would settle those loses and chose the free option. In fact, most people do. Howrse is still way more popular than SSO. In particular, most parents would settle. And I know this from experience. No only can I personally not get any of my friends to try SSO because of the price, but I can see first hand these prices being more than most parents can afford.

I work at the Boys & Girls Club of America. For those of you who don’t know, it’s an organization that provides opportunities for kids in families that aren’t doing great financially. It’s kinda like a cross between a daycare-like service and Scouts. And at my club, I’m the nerdy teacher. I know about video games. A lot of girls at my club play SSO, or played. When they found out I play too, the first thing they asked was how many horses I had. How many regions of the map I had unlocked. It was 60-ish at the time, and all. They nearly lost it when I told them I had all, at the time, six of the color changing horses and Spirit. Absolutely thrilled. But when I asked them how many they had and how far they had gotten, most of them said they had their starter and could only play for free. And that they couldn’t play anymore. Their parents couldn’t afford membership and so they gave up on the game.

Look I get pulling this statistic is kinda a low move, but I think it’s fair. Mostly because it’s not just kids at Club, and also because the families who come to Club buy other video games, cheaper video games. Kids I used to babysit had their parents say the same thing, and those families were well off. So for families of all income brackets, SSO’s prices are too high to consider when there are cheaper options. SSO has potential customers who would love to play their game, but their prices, in particular the most financially reasonable price of Lifetime, makes the game unobtainable for new fans. It gates the game off to the super fans who have the means to afford the game, and thus SSO develops its own echo chamber financially. SSO is funded by its whales. Its numbers are largely stagnant, and it’s not going to expand. The average family simply can’t afford it.

I’m not suggesting SSO wildly changes its prices. No, not at all. Mostly I’m just suggesting that the purchase of lifetime drops to $30-$50 USD, the average price of an indie game. It’s more expensive than most horse games, but it’s lower than most modern games and MMOs. It’s a nice balance between niche competition without selling SSO’s devs short. They are making a quality game, and they deserve to make money. But the devs need to be reasonable with where that price point is for most families with young kids. Further, SSO needs to have standardized payments for Star Coins. The fact that the prices are different on the Friends app compared to on the website is confusing and weird.

To compensate for lower prices, the dev team could instead offer more low priced digital goods. For one, there are dozens of hard core fans and old fans of those games who would buy digital downloads of the old CD-ROM games, since according to everything we know, SSO owns all the rights to those and they should be able to rerelease them. Not to mention that generates money for the devs instead of only online auctions holding those funds. Also, a $10 game or a $30 bundle of four is an awesome deal. It would certainly make SSO more interesting to have access to all of previous entries, and finally add a unique option to their gift store.

More seriously though, the dev team needs to change the prices on Star Coins. The prices are abusively high. I’ve said several times, but SSO’s current prices abuse people with whale tendencies, people who psychologically and biologically have the need to spend that kind of money on prestige items. I said this before with my silver fox comments, and perhaps I should have clarified it better. SSO does not have a pay to win or gambling situation, but the mentalities that come in to play when talking about whales is very, very similar to how casinos abuse people with gambling addictions. There was a Game Theory about this recently, or if you want a less nerdy source, look at Adam Ruins Everything’s episode on vacations and his comments on slot machines. Or, here’s Extra Credits on whales and this exact topic.

To clarify the difference though, imagine a loot box system with 30 prizes in it. You can buy individual tickets for $10 and randomly get a prize, or just buy all 30 for $270. Someone with a gambling addiction would individually go through buying one or two at a time until they got the prize they wanted. Someone with whale tendencies would buy the whole pack. But both come from hormonal imbalances that give these people higher endorphin releases for doing so, and both end up spending unhealthy amounts of money in the end. SSO generates situations of the latter.

It was very easy for a lot of people on the silver fox controversy to say, “Well, I have self control, so others must too.” And I don’t want to keep dragging this up to beat a dead horse, but that’s extremely simple minded. Just saying “Adults with control over their finances make smart choices with their money, always,” but even with people who don’t have gambling addictions or whale tendencies struggle with this. You’re telling me that you’ve absolutely never splurged with your money? One tiny feel good purchase? Never ever, on anything at all? You really can’t, particularly if you bought anything from SSO. That’s not a need purchase, even if you were in your budget when you bought it. Now, your one feel good purchase could be 1 to every 100 purchases you actually need in your life. Good, that’s normal, and there’s nothing wrong with buying feel good purchases every now and then. But people with gambling addicts and with whale tendencies have a much harder time saying no to those impulses. SSO, with limited events and $30 horses, can make it a lot harder for someone who’s mind is biologically feeding them hormones to “have everything” to turn that voice off. So they sink the money, and with the prices so high, sooner or later that gets people into financial trouble trying to get everything. And SSO doesn’t encourage people to be responsible with their spending, unlike most gambling businesses who are legally required. Most video games aren’t, and that’s not SSO spearheading that problem. But that doesn’t mean they should be a part of it.

Another argument is that Star Coins are given out once a week, and that buying 100 Star Coins is just advancing a week in allowance. So why is that advance worth more than half of the membership to get it? Think about it, it’s $8.50 USD for one month of membership, again, a really fair price. But 100 Star Coins, an extra week so to speak, is $5.50 USD. How does that add up? Supposing that at minimum half of $8.50 USD is for the game itself, $4.25 USD, then the other $4.25 USD is for 400 Star Coins over that month. The next increment up for 500 Star Coins is $17. How is that a fair deal? Even supposing we give an expediting fee for skipping a week, 100 Star Coins still shouldn’t be worth more than $2. Not to mention that micro transactions work because of low prices. Why would SSO just ignore years of empirical data showing that the lower the price, the more likely people are to buy more of digital currencies? Also, how many of you would buy more Star Coins if a horse was $8-$10 USD instead of $30 USD? And more often? More for your money, and suddenly more Star Coins doesn’t sound so bad too a lot of you. And without being whales, I think a lot of you would be more eager to help support SSO financially, with a little more freedom to be able to give that kind of money.

SSO deserves to make money as a business, but the prices they currently have make the game inaccessible to most and dangerous to many. Cutting the seriously high prices for Lifetime and Star Coins would not only makes it easier for new players to join, but it would also protect people who biologically can’t really help that they tend to be whales. I know the short term of this would be a dip, but if the dev backed it up with merchandise that gamers actually wanted, like posters and games and books, or even shirts with actual SSO related content, and not all generic horse shirts, they’d probably be able to minimize those costs fairly well. Like, who would buy those sweaters from Jarlheim with the Soul Riders’ horses? Or a shirt that had a big SSO logo? Things that actually relate to the game. You could probably buy a “horse heart” shirt a dozen other places. And without going into that other topic, SSO could easily compensate loses from lowered prices by introducing merchandise that people would buy, and then have player’s friends ask what game was that shirt for.

End of the day, I’m not a business person. I don’t know for sure if this would work. But when compared to dozens of games on the market today, maybe the other guys have some pretty good ideas too. And maybe it would help SSO to take some notes so they can start turning a profit in more years.

#sso #star stable #star stable online #woj analysis

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huntermicro699 · 4 years ago

Text

Line Update Mac

We can find mac address (physical address) of a computer using the command ‘getmac‘. This can be used to get mac address for remote computers also. Below are few examples on how to use this command. It works on XP, Vista, Windows 7, Server 2003 and Server 2008 operating systems.

Get mac addresses from CMD

Head to the “Updates” tab to see a list of available updates. You can opt to update each app individually, or click “Update All” instead. If you want your Mac App Store apps to update automatically, launch the App Store, then click on “App Store” in the top-left corner of the screen. Introducing the End of the Line Update, featuring a whopping thirteen-and-a-half-minute long animated short, new cosmetics, a new taunt from the short, and an update page, all thought up and designed by the TF2 community. This can be used to get mac address for remote computers also. Below are few examples on how to use this command. It works on XP, Vista, Windows 7, Server 2003 and Server 2008 operating systems. Get mac addresses from CMD. Just run the command getmac to get the mac addresses. Find an example below. Select the “Update Options” button. In the drop-down menu that appears, select “Enable Updates.” Microsoft Office will now automatically update with each release. Enable Automatic Updates on Mac. To turn on automatic updates for Microsoft Office on Mac, open Word, and select the “Help” tab in the system menu bar (not the Word menu bar).

Just run the command getmac to get the mac addresses. Find an example below.

This command does not show mac addresses for the network connections which are disabled. You can run ncpa.cpl and check which NICs are disabled. Further, I have received comments that this command does not help identify the mac address for a specific device. For example, if I need to get the mac address for my WiFi card, output of getmac command is not helpful. We can use ipconfig command to deal with this.

Get mac address of a remote computer

We can retrieve the mac addressses for a remote computer using nbtstat command. Example:

Alternatively, We can run the below command to retrieve the mac addresses of a remote computer.

remote_computer : Full name of the remote computer or IP address username and password are of the account on the remote computer.

Example:

If you do not want to specify the password, you can skip /p parameter. You will be prompted to enter the password and the command execution will take place after that.

Errors:

Using getmac command we can retrieve the mac addresses of the machines running windows OS only. If you try this for a Linux machine you would get the error “The RPC server is unavailable.”

If you provide incorrect password, the command would fail with the error message “Logon failure: unknown user name or bad password.”

Also Read: Windows CMD commands reference

Xcode is the tool developers use to build apps for the Apple ecosystem – MacOS, iOS, and all things Apple.

This guide will walk you through how to successfully install Xcode onto your Mac, from start to finish.

Here are some handy tips to know before you get started:

Xcode only runs on a mac. If you are on a PC, sadly you won't be able to use Xcode.

You'll need a good, stable internet connection. The latest version is around 8 gigabytes in size.

Be sure to have at least 30 gigabytes of free space on your computer. The latest .xip file (v11.4.1 at the time of writing) is ~8 gigabytes zipped. When you unzip it, that's another 17 gigabytes. Then you'll need the command line tool, which is yet another 1.5 gigabytes.

Here's an overview of the steps to install Xcode

Download Xcode

Install the command line tool

Open the new version

Delete files

Note that I have listed some Terminal commands in the steps below. These commands can be typed into your present working directory. This means that you don't need to navigate to any particular folder.

If you really want to, you can first type cd before typing the commands in the below steps. This will return you back to the home folder.

Step #1: Download Xcode

There are two ways to do this. For the latest version and a theoretically 'easy' installation, you can use the App Store. I don't recommend this option.

I prefer to use the developer site. This comes with the bonus option of being able to download any version you'd like.

Option #1: Download via the App Store for the latest version (not my preferred option)

In theory, this should be a seamless and pain-free process. But if the installation fails for any reason on the last step, it is very hard to troubleshoot.

There are a few reasons for failure, and no easy way to know which is the underlying cause. If you do encounter a failure, you will need to re-download the entire file again each time you try to fix the failure. As the latest version is 8 gigabytes, I didn't much enjoy this approach.

Line Update Pc Download

But if you're feeling brave, here are the steps:

Open the App Store on your mac

Search for Xcode

Click install or update

Option 2: Download via the Developer site for a specific version (my preferred option)

Head to the 'more' section of the Apple developer website

Type in the version that you'd like, and download the Xcode_x_x_x.xip file. Keep in mind that Xcode 11.4.1 is 8 gigabytes, so this will take awhile depending on your internet connection.

Once the file is downloaded, click on .xip to extract it. Your laptop will extract it to the same folder you downloaded it to. This extraction process is automatic. You don't need to do anything more after you click on the .xip file. This step will take a few minutes.

[Optional] Once extracted, rename the application to “Xcode11.x.x” if you are using multiple versions.

Drag application to the Applications folder

[Optional] Set the new Xcode version as the default. Open Terminal and type sudo xcode-select -switch /Applications/Xcodex.x.x.app . Replace x.x.x with the version number. For example: Xcode11.4.1.app. You will need to enter in your computer admin password. I'm pretty sure this will update the default Xcode version for all users on your computer, so best to check with other users first

Step #2: Install the command line tool (CLT)

If you have multiple users on your computer, you will need to update the CLT for each user.

Download .dmg

To update the CLT, go to app developer website and download the command line tool .dmg.

If you have never installed Xcode before, you may be able to update with your Terminal by typing in xcode-select --install instead of visiting the developer website.

But if you have an existing version of Xcode installed on your machine, you'll probably see this error:

This means you'll need to go to the developer website instead.

Update Line ใน Mac ไม่ ได้

Installing the CLT

When the .dmg has finished downloaded, double click the file to open it. This will open a little window that looks like this:

Double click the box and follow the prompts to install the CLT. It will take a few minutes to complete.

It may ask you at the end of the installation whether you want to move this to the trash bin. When it does this, it's talking about moving the .dmg file to the trash bin. Since you should no longer need this file. I always say yes to this.

Step #3: Open Xcode

Open the Applications folder and open the new version of Xcode. If you renamed Xcode, make sure you open the correct application

Xcode may prompt you to install additional components. Click install. This will take a few minutes.

Update Mac Command Line

While it's installing, check that your default Xcode version is the one you just downloaded:

Open Terminal

Type brew config

You should see “CLT” and “Xcode” versions, as well as everything else. This should reflect the version that you have just downloaded. In my case, I downloaded Xcode 11.4.1.

Update Line ใน Mac

Once the components are installed, Xcode will launch. You should be able to pick up your old projects and continue where you left off seamlessly*.

*Note that if you use any proxy tools, such as Charles, you will need to re-install those certificates in your simulator again.

If you encounter any errors while trying to build or run a project, check which device you are trying to launch. The new version may not remember the device you were using before. If so, click on the device and choose 'Add additional simulators' from the drop down menu to add the device you want.

Command Line Tools Update Mac

Step #4. Delete the files

If you don't need the older versions of Xcode on your computer, you can uninstall them and get some hard drive space back.

Command Line Update Mac

You can also delete the .xip file of the version you just downloaded, as well as the CLT.dmg file.

That's everything. I hope this has helped you successfully install Xcode. Have fun with it!

0 notes

magic-and-moonlit-wings · 7 years ago

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Kinks

Dawn invites Sunny over to ‘play’. In the most euphemistic sense of the term.

Or, the one where Dawn learns that an elf’s ears are an erogenous zone and Sunny learns that a fairy’s ears are not.

Or, Potionless butt-sex as a framing device for exposition about anatomy headcanons.

Dawn had a small collection of sex toys. Most of them were innocuous enough to pass for something else.

Her nipple clamps, for example, looked like adjustable rings, or clip-on earrings, or, in the case of the set linked together by a fine chain, like a necklace with an oddly bulky clasp, and she kept them in her jewellery box.

A jar of soothing cream for muscle aches and a bottle of massage oil, both of which could also serve as lubricants, were tucked away amongst her cosmetics.

Her most explicit toy was a ceramic phallus, which was a sculpted replica of a lily stamen and could be explained as an eclectic art piece if Dawn were brazen enough to display it in a vase with petals, rather than hiding it in the deepest crevices of her rose bed.

All of Dawn’s toys were out now. Her lover, Sunny, had come over to play.

He was wearing some of her nipple clamps as earrings. Dawn flicked the delicate metal hoops, making him hiss. She was delighted to learn that the elf’s elongated ears were an erogenous zone.

They were both shirtless and barefoot. Sunny wore a pair of trousers and Dawn had on some gauzy pants that barely passed her knees.

Sunny licked one of Dawn’s nipples and blew a stream of cool air over it. She made a pleased, pleading noise. He sucked her other nipple erect.

“You know,” he commented, screwing the clamps onto her – the chained pair that could produce all manner of sensation from how the chain was held or tugged – “before we started having sex, I wasn’t sure you had these.”

“What, the toys? Yeah, I try to be discreet. Public figure and all that.” Plus her father would probably have a heart attack, if he ever found out.

“I didn’t know about those, either, but I was talking about your nipples.”

“What did you think my breasts were for?”

“Flight muscles? Your wishbone meets your collarbone here, right?” He touched the spot on her upper chest which would, if Dawn squished her breasts together, be the top of her cleavage.

“About there, yeah.”

Dawn leaned into Sunny’s hand as he stroked down the stem of her wishbone, and then up to trace the ‘Y’ shape it made with her collarbones. Fairy collarbones were slanted down towards the centre of the chest, rather than straight across like an elf’s.

“But a lot of flight power actually comes from the abdomen. And we do nurse, after the baby hatches. It’s a scent thing. Any fairy woman who spends enough time around eggs and babies picks up on it and starts lactating.”

Sunny tightened the nipple clamps. “Is this good?”

“Almost. About … three turns tighter each? Mm! Perfect.”

Sunny began experimenting with Dawn’s chain. He picked up longer or shorter sections of it and let them fall. He tugged at one side, then the other, then the centre. He made a suggestion that Dawn agreed to immediately.

Sunny undid one of the clamps for a moment so that Dawn could string the chain through the heaviest pendant in her jewellery box. She hovered over Sunny, and he tapped the pendant, making the chain swing like a pendulum. Dawn moaned. When the swinging settled as much as it could, with Dawn’s wings rocking her body, Sunny tapped it again – harder this time, and making it swing from side to side instead of front to back. Dawn rubbed her legs together.

“Come down here?” He caught the pendant in his palm and tugged gently.

“Harder,” Dawn urged, and this time he pulled. Dawn landed on her knees. When they kissed, Sunny dropped the pendant, giving her another sharp jolt of pleasure.

Dawn teased Sunny’s ears again. She flicked and tugged the rings clipped to them, making him groan. He kissed a trail along one of her ears, and –

“OW!”

“I’m sorry!” Sunny stumbled back. “Are you okay? What was that?!”

“It’s fine, I’m – Don’t do it again, but no harm done.” Dawn massaged her curled ear tip. Her heart was racing even faster than Sunny’s usual effect on her, but the pain was already gone. “Sucking my ear like that threw off my sense of atmospheric pressure. It … hurt in the not-sexy way.”

It had felt like her entire body was being crushed, but Sunny already felt bad, and Dawn didn’t want to stop yet, so she didn’t tell him that part.

“Was that something you’d like me to do to you?” she said instead.

“Yeah, that was … that was supposed to be a ‘hey, here’s a sexy thing we can do’ hint.” Sunny flushed. Dawn took his face in her hands and sucked the tip of his ear. His knees buckled.

She left her hand on his cheek to keep his head turned the right way. With her other hand, she caressed the length of his ear. Her fingernails caught the metal rings that were clipped onto him. Sunny moaned. He started playing with the nipple chain again.

“Dawn, I – You feel so good, Dawn – I want – I’m close, Dawn, you’ve got me so hard, I feel like I’m going to pop –”

Dawn let go of Sunny’s face and stuffed her hand down his trousers, wrapped it around his erection, and stroked it like she was stroking his ear.

“Do you want my mouth down here, too?”

“Do I – yes. Yes, Dawn, do that, please!”

Dawn pushed down the waistband of his pants and barely had time to put her lips around the head of Sunny’s penis before he orgasmed. Once he could feel one coming, it never took long.

It was too bad, though, Dawn reflected, that Sunny couldn’t experience multiple orgasms like she could.

She teased his foreskin with her tongue and sucked gently. Sunny groaned and pushed her away.

“Let me lean on something first, if you’re going to do that.”

“Oh, sure.”

He shed his trousers and stood with his back to the bed – and what a sumptuous image that was, like Sunny was about to tumble back into the rose petals for Dawn to ravish him.

“I know you said they aren’t sensitive that way, but is it okay if I hold onto your ears when you do this?”

“Yeah, that’s fine. It’s not that different from pulling my hair. Do you want me to try playing with your ears next time you’re doing oral sex on me?”

“Yes.” Sunny nodded quickly, his eyes gleaming.

Their height difference had Dawn on her hands as well as her knees. In theory she could hover for this, but she had her doubts that she wouldn’t smack her wings into Sunny’s face, or lose focus and do a belly flop onto the unforgiving stone floor.

Sunny whimpered as Dawn tongued his foreskin again; groaned as she trailed nibbling, suckling kisses along the shaft of his penis; gripped her ears tight when she licked the seam of his scrotum.

“Can you fit them in your mouth?”

“Maybe not without biting.”

“Try?”

Dawn tried.

“Ow, ow, ow, bad idea, bad idea, let go please!”

“Sorry.” She flexed her jaw side-to-side.

“Hey, you did warn me.”

“Your seed pods are bigger around than your stamen.” The elf snorted at the fairy’s flowery euphemism. “You okay to keep going?”

“Yeah. But once I’m hard again, I think I’d rather come somewhere other than in your mouth.”

Dawn spat into her hand and pumped his penis, which was beginning to re-stiffen. “How about up my ass? That’s what the lube’s for.”

“You’re serious? You’d let me do that?”

“I was actually thinking, maybe, something like … double penetration? You fuck me in one hole with your penis and the other with my toy at the same time.”

“… You are too good to be real, you know that?”

“I just accidentally bit you.”

“Even so.”

Sunny uncapped the lubricants, rubbing some cream between his fingers with one hand and some oil in the other.

“Do you prefer one?” he asked Dawn.

“The oil’s a bit slipperier, so I usually use the cream so I don’t drop anything, but they both feel really good.”

“I think I like the oil a little better?”

“Let’s use that, then.”

Sunny wiped the cream off his hand onto his abs. He would, Dawn suspected, be open to experimenting with it another time; it felt pretty nice. She poured some oil into her palm and pumped his penis again. Sunny moaned. Dawn nibbled his ear and tugged one of the rings on it with her teeth.

“You know,” he panted, “if the chain, on your nipples, could attach to that ceramic thing at the base, you could tug on your nipples by fucking yourself with it.”

That idea was so arousing that Dawn grabbed Sunny by his chest hair and yanked him up to kiss him, hard. He twisted her nipples and made her whimper.

“Was – was that sexy pain, or not-sexy pain?”

“The sexiest pain.”

“So – how are we going to do this? You should … probably lie down? I guess?”

Dawn put Sunny down and turned her back to him, fanning her wings flirtatiously. She heard him gulp. She went to her bed and fell slowly forward – the other benefit to fanning her wings then – to embrace the rose.

Dawn was kneeling again, her torso resting on her bed, the pendant still chained to her nipples sliding sensuously down between the flower petals, as she presented her buttocks to her lover.

She felt something cool and smooth on her back. Sunny was using the phallus to extend his reach and stroking between her wings.

“This really isn’t an erogenous zone, huh?”

“Nah, but that still feels nice. They may look all fancy but wings are still limbs. That would be like if your arms or legs were an erogenous zone.”

“I thought you said your thighs were?”

“Sure, my thigh, but not my whole leg.”

“And here?” He groped her butt.

“Mm … borderline? It feels sexy when you do it but I wouldn’t do it to myself while masturbating.”

He stopped petting her with the sex toy. When he next touched her backside, she could feel oil on one of his hands.

“This is what you want, Dawn?”

“Yes, Sunny. I want to have anal sex with you.”

“Okay.” He sounded like he was psyching himself up. Dawn bet herself he was biting his lip in that just unfairly attractive way he did when he was both nervous and excited.

He put one oil-slicked finger up her anus, just one knuckle deep. Dawn breathed slowly, keeping still and relaxed instead of thrusting against Sunny’s hand. He was nervous. They’d do this slowly.

Slowly, he pushed his finger all the way inside of her, and then drew it back out.

Slowly, he did it a few more times.

Teasingly slowly, he put more oil on his hand and coaxed two fingers into her.

“Scissor,” Dawn panted.

“What?”

“Scissor your fingers.” She moved on of her hands to where she was pretty sure he could see it and made the opening and closing gesture with her fingers. “It’ll stretch me for later and spread the lube around.”

“O-okay.” Sunny followed Dawn’s instructions.

“Oh, yes,” she moaned. “Just like that, keep doing that.”

“You’re really into this pain stuff, huh?”

“This doesn’t hurt. If you – ooh – lube me up right, it shouldn’t hurt at all – deeper – to take you this way, like how it doesn’t – mmph! – doesn’t hurt the other way once I’m all – ngh! – I’m all hot and wet for you. Three fingers now, please.”

“But, you do like pain?” he said as he complied. Dawn shrugged.

“Some pain is sexy.”

“No, I mean – what I’m trying to ask is, do you want me to be rougher with you during sex? Would that make it better for you?”

“I – oh yeah! – I like gentle sex, too. What we’ve done before is amazing. I don’t – mm – I don’t need pain to get turned on or get off, I just like it sometimes.”

“Does that feel like enough lube? Or should I … put more in you?”

Dawn clenched around his fingers. “This is good. You can put you in me now.”

“We are the worst at dirty talk,” Sunny muttered.

“You’re the one who started the serious conversation mid-foreplay.”

She could feel the head of his erection between the cheeks of her ass. He had one hand on each cheek, holding them spread apart.

He pushed in. Dawn whimpered. Sunny froze. She rocked under him to take him deeper. He thrust – slow and jerky, and she felt some awkward internal tugging where she hadn’t been as lubricated as she thought – and then she felt his scrotum smack into her backside.

“The toy now?” asked Sunny. He was shaking a bit, and sounded like his teeth were clenched.

“You feel so good, Sunny,” Dawn gasped out. “Yes, do it.”

The ceramic lily stamen slid in easily. Dawn was gushingly wet, messy and slimy and so very ready to be fucked. Sunny’s live stamen and her false one rubbed together through the muscle wall separating her anus and vagina.

“So good,” she repeated, her eyes nearly shut and her voice as high as it went outside of songs.

“Just … give me a sec,” Sunny grunted. His thumb, from the hand around Dawn’s sex toy, fumbled at her labia. “Just let me find your clit, then I’ll start thrusting.”

“Sunny, if I feel any better, I think I might actually die – right there right there you’ve got it oh SUNNY –”

He’d caught her clit with his thumbnail, and Dawn’s vision actually whited out for a moment. Her wings were cocooning, wrapping around her bed where Sunny would be if they were having sex face to face. Behind her, Sunny started rocking his hips, and from beneath her, he thrust the toy in and out of her.

Sunny grunted rhythmically, and Dawn keened, and the pendant had fallen into the rose petals and their body movements let its weight tug at her nipples again in time with each thrust, and Sunny was doing a little twist of his wrist that turned the stamen back and forth as it went up and down so its asymmetry rubbed Dawn just perfectly, and he couldn’t quite keep his thumb on her clitoris but he kept finding it again, and when he didn’t he could still stroke the petals of Dawn’s labia, and oh Sunny was thrusting even harder and going even deeper and it was all SO GOOD –

Dawn collapsed, quaking from her first orgasm that day. Sunny kept going and the aftershocks built up enough to give Dawn another. She was close to a third when Sunny orgasmed again and his now-flaccid penis slid out of her.

He gasped like he’d been drowning. His grip on the ceramic stamen went slack, and Dawn had to clench her vaginal walls to keep it from slipping out of her too.

“Dawn? Could you, stay like that, but roll over? I want to try something.”

It was difficult. Her wings were curled around her bed and didn’t want to fold back. But Dawn got onto her back, legs hanging over the edge of her bed. Sunny had pulled the stamen out of her. She’d whimpered but hadn’t articulated a protest, figuring he’d done it for whatever he wanted to try.

Sunny held the ceramic stamen where Dawn could see it. The anther and filament were thoroughly coated in her fluids, even at the base of the shaft where he’d been holding it. There were shiny patches of stickiness on his hand as well. He licked one.

“Can we do another round of double penetration, but with this up your ass and with oral sex?”

“Yes,” Dawn moaned ecstatically – the idea was almost enough to set off the third orgasm she was so close to.

Sunny put the toy up her ass much more smoothly than he had his erection – maybe it had been too tight for him to move comfortably? – and kissed Dawn’s pubic mound, tugging one of her labial petals into his mouth.

Dawn held his ears and teased at the clamps he was still wearing there. Sunny moaned – she could feel the vibrations of it in the fold he was suckling. The stamen felt wonderful in her and his mouth felt wonderful on her and Dawn licked her fingers and drew them along his ear from root to the tip and made Sunny moan again.

“I love you so much,” he mumbled into her vagina.

Dawn was about to say ‘I love you, too,’ but then he sucked hard at her clitoris and bit down on it and instead she shrieked as her third orgasm finally crashed down over her.

When Dawn came back to her senses, she thought at first that Sunny was masturbating. He had a cloth around his penis and was pumping it. Then she noticed the bowl from her en suite bathroom, filled with water and soap suds, and realized he was washing himself.

“Hey,” she said languidly.

“Hey.” He smiled. “I figured if we were doing anything else, or done for the day, it wouldn’t hurt either way to clean up a bit.”

“I think you wore me out. You’re really amazing, you know?”

“So are you.”

Dawn unclipped her nipples and Sunny’s ears, putting the clamps back in the jewellery box on her vanity. Leaving the pendant on the chain wouldn’t rouse any suspicions if one of her handmaidens happened to look in there. She capped and put away the lubricants. She didn’t see the stamen anywhere and started feeling around in the petals of her bed.

“I put your toy in the water,” said Sunny. “I wasn’t sure how to clean it, but I figured soapy water couldn’t hurt.”

“No, that’s perfect. I just have to rinse all the soap off before using it again.”

“I … also had a couple of idea, for next time.”

“Oh?” Dawn settled back down on the bed, watching him eagerly. Sunny blushed.

“First, those clamp things. Have you ever tried putting one on your clitoris?”

“I can’t. By the time I’m aroused enough that it’s engorged, it’s too sensitive and if I try I can’t concentrate enough to put one on.” She gave Sunny a sultry grin. “Maybe you could.”

“And the other, was …” Sunny cupped a hand behind one of his ears and pushed forward. It bent, but not much; cartilage was more flexible than bone, but still had some stiffness to it. “It felt, really good, all that stuff with my ears today. And I was wondering if, you know, for mutual enjoyment, next time we experiment, I could put one of my ears up your vagina.”

Dawn’s eyes widened and, despite her tiredness, she felt an unmistakable pulse of arousal. They were narrower and more pointed, but Sunny’s ears were each nearly the length of his erection …

“That sounds hot. We should definitely try out that one.”

#Strange Magic #Potionless #Dawn #Sunny #My Fanfiction #fairies #elves #Interspecies Romance #tw: discussion of interspecies sex #short story #Headcanon #caution: contains swearing #Monday is fanfic day!

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ull · 5 years ago

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How to get a NIE card if you don’t have a Spanish work contract?

It took me a lot of time and nerves to get my NIE/Certificado UE as a person who is not working in a Spanish company. You see, I own a company in another EU country and I don’t intend to change this situation any time soon.

Why do you even need a NIE card? I’m not expecting many people here to ask this question, but in case you need this explanation, here it goes. First of all, you need it to legally live in Spain. You are obligated to get it within 3 months from the moment you start living in Spain, so there may be some legal consequences if you don’t have it. But there is also a very practical reason for getting your NIE card: you won’t be able to sign service contracts (eg. for the internet) nor purchase things online from many Spanish shops (not everything you need is available on Amazon) without providing your NIE number. So if you plan on living a comfortable life in Spain, you definitely need to get the residency aka NIE card.

In my journey to NIE card, I had a lot of help since day one, but unfortunately all of the people who wanted to help me had work contracts or were registered as autonomo (self-employed) here in Spain. Some of them had been the residents for so many years, they no longer knew how the process looks these days. Of course, there are also companies who can help you to get your NIE, but I wasn’t feeling like paying €200-€300 for getting registered as a resident, which as an EU citizen I’m entitled to get for free (well, almost, but I’ll get to that).

My process of getting a NIE card (mind that NIE CARD is equal to Spanish residency and NIE number is just a fiscal number) was long and bumpy, also because COVID-19 came to Spain right when I decided I finally needed to get it done. So right after I printed everything out and got a cita previa in a town almost a 100 km from where I lived, the lockdown was upon us and they cancelled all of the appointments. But that actually saved me some time and helped me get everything more or less right.

It is extremely hard to get a cita previa (at least in Barcelona) mostly because of the companies that charge people for helping with the process. They have employees clicking through the website all day and I have some conspiracy theories on how they are able to take over all of the available appointments, but let’s leave them be. As long as there are people willing to pay them and it’s not illegal, they will be there.

So, the first thing that you should do is getting all of the necessary documents. Only when you have them all printed out, copied and packed in a folder, you can get to the mindless clicking festival.

So what do you need to apply for a NIE card, when you are earning your money outside of Spain and don’t plan to change this:

1. EX-18 form filled and signed - original and copy. In part 4, pick the option No activo con recursos suficientes y seguro de enfermedad. You might want to print it out when you already know when your cita previa is, so you can fill in the right dates. I had filled my form in on June 21, but had my appointment on June 30 and they asked me to cross out the incorrect date and write the current one on top.

2. A passport and its copy (not the whole thing, just the part where all of your data is, for me it was the first page).

3. TASA 012. Remember when I mentioned that NIE cards are almost free? Well it costs you €12. Fill it in, make sure to check the box next to Certificado de registro de residente comunitario o Tarjeta de residencia de familiar de un ciudadano de la Unión. Then print it out, sign it and go to the nearest bank office to pay for it. You can make them charge your account or pay with cash, it’s up to you. The bank assistant will print a bunch of strange numbers in the middle of the document and you’ll get back 3 out of 4 pages that you brought to them. Don’t make any copies of this document.

4. Health insurance. If you’re paying for the public insurance in your country of origin (in the EU), you would need a document (S1, E106, E109, E121 or other) that’s not older than 3 months and says you are fully covered by the public insurance. A proof of the most recent payment can help too.If you don’t have public insurance, you would need to get a private one in Spain. It has to have the adnotation sin limites ni copagos, which means that it covers everything including hospitalizations without additional payments. I got mine when I was opening my bank account. I told the bank assistant that I’m going to apply for a NIE card and he offered to get me the proper insurance too. So I took it. But you can get one from any of the insurance companies in Spain accredited by the government. Now, I copied my health insurance card (both sides) and they took it along with my application, but that wasn’t enough. You need a document with condiciones particulares, that has all your details and mentions the sin copagos part. You will also need a proof of the last payment or your bank statement printout that shows it (I had the latter).

5. €5.538,40 on your bank account, confirmed with Certificado de Banco. The official recommendation says that it can be any European bank, but I’m not sure if banks in other EU countries issue such documents. I have an account in one of a few banks that allow you to open an account with your passport (Banc Sabadell). I’m sure you can find another one, but most of the banks would ask for your NIE to open an account (that’s what I call a paradox!). Keep in mind that issuing Certificado de Banco can take time. In my case, 48h. Apart from the certificado, I also had my bank statement printout ready and it became handy, when they asked for a proof of health insurance payment.

6. Printed confirmation of your cita previa. Of course you will get this one later, but I’m including it in this list to make sure that you won’t forget to print it out and bring it with you. It’s not enough to have it on your smartphone!

So now, when you have all of the documents ready, play some nice music or an audiobook, go to SEDE website and start clicking. First screen asks you for the province that you live in. Then you need to click on the second drop-down TRÁMITES CUERPO NACIONAL DE POLICÍA and pick POLICÍA-CERTIFICADOS UE. The third screen is just the information, so scroll it down and click Entrar. The next one asks you about your personal data. Pick Pasaporte/Documento de identidad and fill it in with your passport number. Make sure that in Nombre y apellidos section you provide all of the names that are listed in your passport. If you have a second name in the passport, you should include it in this field too. Then pick your country of origin and teach the captcha. LIFE HACK: you can use the autofill (most browsers have this option built-in). It saved me a lot of time. Make sure the autofill option has your full name, phone number and email address. It should learn your passport number after a few tries. Next screen gives you four options, but you just need to click Solicitar Cita.

If you are lucky and/or live in a place where there are not that many foreigners, you might get a cita in the next screen. If so, just fill everything in (autofill helps). In the last section I just wrote Certificado UE. The last screen gives you the date and time and you’re good to go. Print it and show up for your cita with all the documents you already collected. Congratulations!

If you are like me, living in Barcelona or one of the other popular provinces, in the next screen you will most likely get the information that there are no appointments available at this time (I don’t remember the exact wording in Spanish, sorry). Then you have to repeat this process many times, at different hours of day and night (yes, they are sometimes getting available during the night!). At some point you will be successful, but you just need to keep trying, as often as possible. Don’t give up!

Remember that you can get your cita previa nearby, but more often than not, you’ll get it in another city in your province. Book it anyway.

Also, a few times, I was ecstatic when the website showed me the information that there is a cita previa available. Then I filled all of the information in and on the next screen it said that there are no citas that I could book. I don’t know why this happens. Is it a glitch of the system? No way of knowing this. But keep trying, eventually you will be rewarded.

I saved you a few dead ends I came by while trying to get my NIE card. The process I described should help you get yours as soon as possible. If you come across any problems that I didn’t mention, make sure to describe it in the comments section and I will look into it.

Good luck!

EDIT:

After we did the procedure for my husband, we learned that sometimes they would ask for the documents from the bank and insurance company to be stamped. It didn’t matter that both of them had little captions saying that they don’t need a stamp to be legit. Yeah, Spaniards... We got lucky, because both the bank and the insurance company’s office were a walking distance from the police station, so we were able to make it in half an hour. But if you want to be extra safe, just go to these places in advance and ask them to put a stamp on your documents. You can always have two copies, in case your official wants one without a stamp.

Photo by sydney Rae on Unsplash

#spain #livinginspain #spanishresidence #spanishNIE #niecard #citaprevia #nospanishcontract #foreignerinspain #certificadoUE

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pogueman · 8 years ago

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Study finds you tend to break your old iPhone when a new one comes out

yahoo

Ah, it’s that time of year again! Carols ring, holly glistens, and Apple (AAPL) comes out with a new iPhone model.

And we conveniently start losing or breaking our existing phones.

That’s not just clumsiness at work. According to a study from the University of Michigan, it’s your psychology at work, attempting to help you justify the purchase of a faster, better phone model. (The study’s title is, “’Be Careless With That!’: Availability of Product Upgrades Increases Cavalier Behavior Toward Possessions.” It was published in the October 2017 Journal of Marketing Research.)

Ordinarily, associate professor of psychology Josh Ackerman says, when we lose or break a phone, we file a report. We ask our insurance to cover it, we cash in on our AppleCare coverage—we somehow report it. But when he studied the numbers over time, he discovered something bizarre: every time Apple or Samsung comes out with a new smartphone model, the number of broken phone/lost phone claims go down.

Josh Ackerman, associate professor of psychology at the University of Michigan, Skyped in to explain his study.

“And our interpretation of that was, once people wanted to start upgrading, they just cared less about the product that they currently had,” Ackerman says. “They’re causing damage to them, losing them, and so on, despite the fact that that is costly to them.”

It’s our subconscious at work, he says. “People have this very strong desire to justify why they’re going to get a new product. If you already own a phone and it works just fine, but a new one comes out that seems really, really appealing, what do you tell yourself in order to convince yourself to get that new phone? Maybe you tell yourself, ‘Well, maybe my phone’s not working quite as well as I thought.’ Or maybe, ‘Oops, I dropped it on the ground and the screen cracked!’ Or, ‘Maybe I happened to leave it in a taxi.’ Those kinds of justifications might mean, ‘Oh, now I get to tell myself that I can really buy that new product.’”

And yet if you ask people if they think they could be susceptible to this kind of mental psyche-out, they’ll deny it. “When we ask people in our studies, ‘Would you go out and intentionally lose your phone?,’ people are like, ‘No, that’s crazy—I would never do this!’”

To test his theory, Ackerman’s team reproduced the psychological setup with less pricey belongings.

“We looked at eyeglasses, sunglasses, coffee mugs. For example, that we gave people coffee mugs—just regular, everyday, kind of boring mugs. And we told some people that they could have the opportunity to get a much better mug, a much nicer mug,” Ackerman says. “And we put them in a position where they could potentially take risks with the mug that they had. And it turns out that people who were wanting to get that better mug took more risks. In fact, they dropped their mug more frequently. And oh, suddenly—“My mug is broken! I better get that new one.!”

There are two takeaways, Ackerman says. First, just be aware that your psychology may be playing these games with you.

Second, if you admit that you want the new model phone, take active steps to do something useful with your old one. “We also found in our research that if you give people another type of justification—not one where they’re damaging their product, but one where you donate or trade it in—that works just as well to motivate people to get these new products. You’ll feel a lot better about yourself.”