#dude I should be writing for these crappy websites

[theromanticrationalist]

Catching up on Young Sheldon. . .

I can't believe Young Sheldon is almost over and Sheldon shall be leaving us for good! 😩 I just hope this finale with George's death and us seeing Sheldon and Amy as an "old married couple" will be worth all this pain!! I am hyping myself up for feeling A WHOLE LOT OF FEELZ. I AM NOT READY.

I was already getting pretty emotional in the A Fancy Article and A Scholarship for a Baby episode. Firstly my heart was aching for my poor baby who was under so much stress to choose which school he would be attending! I was feeling his distress at feeling pressure from all sides (especially since in retrospect we know the decision was genuinely a major life crossroads for him), and I was hating how everyone was manipulating him! It always upsets me a lot when people take advantage of Sheldon because of his naiveté or how his idiosyncrasies make him an easy target. I can definitely relate to some of that, having a similar naiveté as Sheldon and inability to read social behaviors, particularly of those closest to me (weirdly). I think I have gotten better, but mainly I feel like I've just gotten more insecure and socially awkward, but oh well. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

At any rate, I get so upset seeing Sheldon having to struggle with things in a way most people do not and having literally no one understand or acknowledge what he is going through. It might not be scenarios that seem important or vexing for others, but they genuinely and sincerely are for Sheldon, and that is valid. So many people think Sheldon is egotistical, and he definitely can be self-focused and arrogant many times, but come on! This boy is his only advocate! "Well, no one cares that you care," Missy said to Sheldon in episode 10. "I'm someone. And I care that I care. And I care that I care that I care!" To me pretty much sums him up perfectly! Sheldon isn't egotistical, he just knows how to self-advocate (which is actually very difficult for a lot of people) in a world that is difficult for him to navigate! Anyway, thankfully though, my heart was warmed by Dr. Linkletter and Sturgis finally coming around, turning against the awful and shameless President Hagemeyer, and doing right by our Sheldon. Dr. Linkletter loves the annoying little string bean after all! (Like anyone seriously couldn't!) I was very moved by their encouragement of Sheldon, that he had outgrown them, surpassed them, and was going to do great things in theoretical physics and advance science in ways that they never could! It was very touching. My little baby bean is all grown up, and off to destroy maths! 😭 But of course. . . that reveal of Sheldon choosing MIT! 😂😂😂 OMG! That was TOO PERFECT. I was DYING. I absolutely LOVED that twist! Sheldon Cooper is such a stink'in brat! This WHOLE time he was giving Howard (and others) a hard time about MIT, acting like it was a crap institution and that every other university is so far above it - and the only reason he himself did not go there was because of the weather! It was literally HIS FIRST CHOICE. OMG SHELDON LEE COOPER!! 🤣🤣🤣 And I loved how Sheldon Prime was just like "Wait for it. . ." like it was all self-evident his being justified in dissing MIT in the end. It is SO ON BRAND for Sheldon I couldn't take it! Probably the best story twist of this season!

It also made me want to scream because of George travelling with Sheldon to see him off on this new life adventure, and saying how proud he was of him. It is a beautiful parallel to earlier in Season 3 when George took Sheldon to visit Caltech to listen to a lecture by Stephen Hawking, and saying he believed Sheldon would fit right in there. To know that this is probably going to be the last moment that Sheldon and his father have together, and how fitting it should be his father to be the one to see him off, makes me just want to sob my heart out! UUUUUUUUUGH. 😭😭😭 Sheldon and his daddy! THIS ISN'T FAIR!! 😫😫😫😩😩😩💔💔💔 Final random thoughts: - I guess Sturgis and Connie aren't going to get back together. I'm really bummed about that. They were so perfect! No offense to Dale, but Sturgis is kind of the best. IT SHOULD BE STURGIS AND CECE HAVING CUTE GRANDPA AND GRAND BABY MOMENTS TOGETHER! - I go back and forth between being excited for the Georgie and Mandy's first marriage show, to being absolutely devastated that not only will Sheldon not be in it but neither will Missy! - to thinking it might actually be pretty cute. Ugh. I guess I will watch it, but I really don't know how they are going to make a whole show on the concept. I guess we will see! - I am noticing that Sheldon's "brain itch" and focus on organizing and optimizing spaces is developing right when the most change is happening in his family and within himself (puberty). Of course he was always this way, but he didn't used to care about the state of things outside of his own room or his own bubble, e.g. school/dorm/his computer. Now he is trying to order things beyond his immediate needs, and I think that is interesting! These are coping mechanisms and ways he can make himself feel secure and in control. Once again no one around him is taking note of this!!

Look at him! Look at this baby becoming a lawyer in 24 hours to help out his MeeMaw! My heart genuinely broke when Sheldon looked at his MeeMaw with the purest, most guileless, baby kitten eyes saying he didn't want to see her go to jail. DUDE. If I were Connie, I would shape up right then and there!

My Favorite Sheldon Cooper Quotes: Sheldon: "I finished organizing the religious items! I separated them by New Testament hokum, Old Testament hokum, and general nonsense!" Mary: "Also Sheldon couldn't sleep knowing that the room was only half-organized." Sheldon: "It's true! It was like my brain was itchy and I couldn't scratch it! Very irritating!" Mary: "It was. Very." Connie: "Well, I thank you both, but I should be doing this myself." Mary: "Yes, you should, but we are already here." Sheldon: "Great! I'm going to start with the books! I invented my own Dewey Decimal System, but instead of decimals I use fractions!" (The utter pure joy Sheldon gets from organizing things and inventing his own ways of doing it is the most precious thing. Be your truest self, baby!!" Sheldon Prime: "I'm not proud of this, but that night I relieved myself in Billy Spark's chicken coop. Until my wife, those hens were the only females I exposed myself to. . .I guess I could have left that part out. Oh well." (Me screaming and hollering and throwing popcorn at my screen!!)

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

Tag game

Answer the questions and tag 11 people you want to know better! I was tagged by @call-me-ala @yaoimtl and @odeliaroar Thank you! 🥰

1. What do you prefer to be called namewise?

Venni is fine. I also respond to V, Great Author/Teacher, Satan, Kitty, and “hey you”.

2. When is your birthday?

N/A 😊

3. Where do you live? (You can just give the country’s or state name if you’re not comfortable with sharing the city name)

In the land of sisu, sauna, and Sibelius - Finland.

4. Three things you are doing right now?

1. Wondering what I should do after finishing this post.

2. Feeling guilty that it’s yet another Mother’s day I’m being a bad daughter. Sorry, ma. I love you. Also, just feeling guilty about everything in general.

3. Highkey being anxious about my future. And everything.

5. Four fandoms that have your peak interest right now?

I have three main ones at the moment: 19 Days, Given, and Haikyuu. The fourth one varies a lot.

6. How has this pandemic been treating you?

It freaked me out at first but I’m pretty chill these days. It is kinda depressing that everything is cancelled for the summer.

7. A song you can’t stop listening to right now?

Meh, don’t really have one at the moment.

8. Recommend a movie

Pulp Fiction.

9. How old are you?

In my late 20s.

10. School, university, occupation or other?

University.

11. Do you prefer heat or cold?

Cold. You can always deal with cold. I get queasy easily when it’s hot. Also, cold is perfect for making myself shapeless. Or more like make it look like I’m round because of all the clothes.

12. Name one fact about you that others might find unusual

I’m very particular about how my mugs, glasses, and plates are organized on the draining rack. Please, don’t do the dishes in my house if I have to later put them in the right order.

13. Are you shy?

I wouldn’t say I’m shy. It takes me some time to warm up but once I’m comfortable, I’m quite the opposite of shy. If anything I kinda lose my filter which has sometimes created some awkward situations.

14. Do you have preferred pronouns?

“She/her” but I’m not that particular. “They/them” is fine if people aren’t sure. I also accept queen, angst queen, sis, dude, bitch/bish.

15. Biggest pet peeves?

Oh dear...I’m gonna unleash some things.

Periods at the end of titles. 

People who stir their coffee but then put the wet spoon on the table and leave coffee drops everywhere. Listen, you either lick the spoon clean, put it on the saucer thingy, or keep it in the mug

People who write “they’re” as “their”.

People who moan about “they’re” vs. “their” as if that mistake keeps them from understanding the text.

Adults who are fussy about their food. Just shove it in your mouth and shut up.

People who let the cupboard doors slam shut instead of closing them with their hand in a controlled manner like civilized people.

“bUT thEY’Re NoT Gay” They’re also not real!

Edible soap bars, deodorants, money, shoes, hairbrushes, etc. in ASMR.

Exaggerated clickbait thumbnails on YouTube.

Websites that ask me to accept their cookies and privacy settings over and over again no matter how many times I’ve used their site.

The place of the comma in English in this structure: In her list of “pet peeves,” she mentioned many things. The place of that comma looks stupid and I will never follow that rule for as long as I live. 

16. What is your favourite “-dere” type?

I’m not sure if I really have a favorite. Tsunderes are usually close to my heart because they somewhat resemble myself. As far as fictional characters go, I would probably find sadoderes interesting.

17. Rate your life 1-10. 1 being crappy, 10 being amazing.

Depends on a lot of variables, but I guess the average would be somewhere around 4-5. Ugh, let’s not talk about concrete numbers like this!

18. What is your main blog?

This one.

19. List your side blogs and what they are used for.

I don’t have side blogs. I once made one for my BL manga recs (notthatiwilleverreadit) but then I wanted to delete it and accidentally ended up deleting my main blog, too, that I had spent building for a long time. That was enough trauma to keep me from wanting side blogs for good.

20. One thing you think people should know about you before they become your friends?

I’m bad at comforting. If we’re friends, there’s a good chance I do care about your problems and issues but I suck at comforting or cheering you up. Expect awkward silence, uncomfortable squirming, and clumsy pats on the shoulder from me.

I tag: everyone who wants to do this, consider yourself tagged.

[deltaengineering]

Spring Anime 2019 Part 2: dog ate my homework

Soooo I lost my draft for the rest of the season in a stupidity-related accident. Since I’ll have to redo it all anyway, I’m doing it in parts (day by day) again. Here’s last Sunday.

Fairy Gone

What: In what appears to be the setting of Violet Evergarden, a bunch of bad dudes with punchghosts go after illegal punchghost users.

✅ The setting was just about the only thing that Violet Evergarden had going for it, so I’m down with that.

♎ P.A. Works seem to be establishing a sideline in these throwback action shows, since this is pretty damn similar to Sirius (which I liked). It’s not as good as Sirius though, mostly because Sirius really leaned into how schlocky it is. Fairy Gone is more dour. You could say it takes itself too siriusly.

♎ Looking decent whenever there’s nothing special going on, but the fights have a real problem with their CG stands looking pretty crappy.

♎ The characters don’t really make an impression as of yet, but look like they might have potential. Same goes for the story, though I would not expect too much on that front (yes, Grimgar by the same writer was pretty okay, but it stopped before it could get to the hilarious things I hear about the source material)

♎ I’m not impressed, but the general competence deserves a closer look anyway.

Hachigatsu no Cinderella Nine

What: It’s like Love Live, except it’s actually about a sport now.

♎ Baseball is still very boring, though for better or worse this seems to be less about the sport and more about the moe/hijinks.

♎ I don’t hate the characters, but they’re a grabbag of “nothing special”. Same goes for everything even remotely related to this show, actually.

❌  The designs are good enough (if a bit too sparkly for my tastes) but this is a rather cheap-looking show with janky animation and some model problems.

❌ It’s not terrible, I just find it really hard to care about anything in this. And the potential for this to go places seems be be low, what with this being a mobile game adaptation.

Kono Oto Tomare!

What: Violent delinquent and a wet noodle revive the school koto club.

✅ It’s pretty funny to see this topic being treated as very serious drama, complete with tragic backstory of a delinquent that drops the rider kick on a bunch of bullies.

♎ The gap moe of a tough guy playing the koto is real, though I’m not so sure about the other dude. There’s also a schemer in the background who surely won’t ever matter to the incoming plot that totally won’t be about picking up club members.

❌ The writing lacks elegance. The majority of the first episode is tons of tragic backstory (exposition) flashbacks that should really come more naturally later.

♎ This gets a tepid thumbs up for weirdness, and I think I’ll watch some more of it. Definitely nowhere near a sure thing though.

Mayonaka no Occult Koumuin

What: Specialized streetworkers deal with supernatural troubles in Shinjuku.

✅ This is a pretty great concept, though maybe not as unique as it sounds. Gegege no Kitaro &c have done human/youkai relationships forever, this just formalizes it.

✅ The best part about this is how mundane it is. The first approach to solving an angel/tengu turf war (which is actually a Romeo and Juliet plot) is to put some tape up.

❌ This is likely not going to stay this mundane, and that wouldn’t be good. The main character is a super special boy and apparently also a reincarnation of Abe no Seimei, which is all sorts of eyerolling.

❌ All the characters come from the shoujo manga pretty boy school of design (and writing), because that’s what it is.

❌ Production isn’t by no means great either.

Nande Koko ni Sensei ga

What: Schoolboy gets into risqué situations with his lusty teacher.

❌❌  Real porn isn’t hard to find on the internet, you guys. You just have to leave this website for it nowadays.

❌❌ In fact, actually representative screenshots from this very show are still TOO HOT FOR NOTED FAMILY WEBSITE TUMBLR DOT COM and got my post flagged. Lemme tell you, that’s going to become a real issue once I get to Araiya-san.

❌❌ Apart from typical ecchi humor, which of course isn’t funny, there isn’t anything to this. Best I can say about it is that it’s short.

Shoumetsu Toshi / AFTERLOST

What: Your guess is as good as mine. Some superpower... action... thing...?

❌❌ Incoherent thrown together writing mess based on some mobile RPG. Never mind that it’s a tonal wreck, it’s outright impossible to follow and I’m not wasting braincells on figuring this out.

❌❌ Looks like Haoliners and GoHands got together for a jam session in CG hell. Is actually by Madhouse, please everyone point at them and laugh. It’s really weird to see this coming from an established studio because the visuals are equal parts ambitious and incompetent.

❌❌ I’ll especially point out the multiple instances of chases between a Vespa and an attack helicopter. That’s just how this show rolls.

♎ Every shot of this wants to be the coolest shit ever. Every shot of this ends up being hilarious. This is a better kuso anime to follow than, say, YU-NO. At least it’s not boring.

[rottingliest-blog]

10/28/2018

THIS IS MY FIRST, FIRST, OF ALL THE ONES, OF ALL THE EVERYTHING, THE FIRST BLOG I WILL EVER, EVER MAKE. AND PARDON ME IF I HAVE SOME MISTAKES. DUE TO THE FACT THAT I’M NOT REALLY GOOD WITH... THIS... I KNOW I’LL MAKE SOME MISTAKES, AND I’M REALLY SORRY. I’M NO PERFECT, AS YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED (I MEAN, LOOK AT MY PROFILE).

Alright... so, what the hell is this blog? Well, it’s only me, your beloved host, starting this new thing calles “blogging” in this dead website named “Tumblr”, where people fight to be the most tolerant human being ever created, SJW’s cringe compilations, or some edgy, small, bad-written phrases people put to gain “notes” or “likes”, or whatever 13-years old call those things in social media.

Since ranting is my talent (next to breathing, thinking, and eating my nails), I’ll have to say something very important: yesterday, it was my birthday. I’m not even lying. I swear... like, it’s was my birthday, birthday. And, as you get older, every birthday you have begins to be less and less fun. Why? Because we’re growing. Sooner or later, you’ll have to see that in reality. you’re no essential part to this earth, and that hits you really quickly when you just... exited the door of that Subway’s you were eating. Well, yes, I was eating at the Breakfast Subway’s, or more known as iOS, IPOD, IHOB, IHOP, whatever. This person, who was like taking the orders, well, for some reason, it guessed that yesterday was my birthday, and they gave me this pancake and every little shit and something, and I was like:

“How do you know?”

“Oh, well, the person over there asked me to bring you something special, since... it’s your birthday.”

“Okay.”

“Yeh.”

I saw who the hell was sending me this shit, and it was my dear old friend whose name I call... Sheep. Why? Because, that person was a really close friend of mine, but as you see, people that are not-real (fake) are like sheep, following the crowd and everything, and we just ended up fading away, while I was missing him (yes, him), and he was... well, following the stupid crowd! Like, why would you change who you really are for some crappy people? It’s like, some far-left dudes that I know, that call themselves bisexuals but they only date guys, and even when I point out a cute girl (BY THE WAY, NOT INTERESTED IN THEM; AT ALL!), they’re like “Eww, gross.” It’s sincerely stupid.

I went over there, with the plate and everything, and sat in front of him.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hi! How you’ve been?”

“Good.”

“Sorry I interrupted you. It’s just that you were sitting there, lonely,” just exactly how I like it.

“Just exactly how I like it.”

“I know, hehe. Still... happy birthday! It’s such a surprise to see you here! I haven’t heard of you since August!”

“Yeah, same.”

“Cool, heh.”

We didn’t say anything. His omelette came, and I stared at it.

“It’s awkward,” I say.

“Yeah,” he replies.

“How... is your life?”

“You know, same old.”

“Cool beans.”

“Yeah, he,” he replied. “What are you gonna do today?”

Personally, I hate those type of questions. ‘What are you gonna do today?’ ‘Are you fine?’ ‘Do you wanna say something?’ Like, we never know what will happen today. Still, I knew he was trying to be nice. Yesterday, I was wearing some old shit from a year ago, and for some reason he noticed that.

“You know, wander around anything.”

“Hey, what if I invite you somewhere two hours later?”

AGHHH! This is the part I skip all the shit of ‘nah, I don’t want to ruin your day’, ‘oh no, it’s fine! We have to keep up!’ and the ‘you sure?’ with the ‘yeah! Let’s do it!’ and yes. It was despicable. Then... oh shit, he was doing it again. He was putting his leg near me, making me feel it, making me strange, umcomfortable, kinda horny, kinda shitty. You know, that’s what ruined our friendship. Sheep... well, Sheep was a Wolf. The thing is that, I messed with him, sexually. We were kinda in the moment. Now, he seemed like, doing it again. I stopped contacting him in August because then I had a boyfriend, and I told my boyfriend that I messed with Sheep, and my boyfriend was like ‘hey! what the fuck? I trusted you!’ and I had to tell him, because people, ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH! I had to be direct with him. He was like ‘there’s no man like you! why would you do this to me?’ and, some garbage.

“Sheep, I don’t know...”

“Wait, sheep? What?”

“Sh- I don’t, I don’t know...”

He came near me. I was looking at his omelette.

“You enjoyed it, though,” he whispered. My pancake was literally fucked up. It was like... damned destroyed.

“I did, I did. But... that happened months ago.”

“I know, I know.”

“Sh- Sha! Thanks! I need to... I need to go... see ya.”

“You’re doing it again.”

I stopped, because... I was going to stand and leave, but the dude wanted to keep talking. “Do what?”

“Acting weird. Acting strange.”

“Oh, that.”

“Yeah.”

“Well...” I sat again. “Sorry.”

Some dude came to ask us if we wanted something else, and I dared to say: “Can I have a cup of water?”

Sheep didn’t say anything. He began to eat his omelette, while I kept killing my Mickey Mouse pancake.

“We should,” I said.

“We should what?” he replied.

“Do some... stuff.”

“Stuff?” he replied surprised.

“Yeah.”

“I... I don’t know what do you mean.”

I began, well, my hormones began to touch his leg with mine. He was getting umcomfortable, strange. He was getting weirded out. His face was confused, and he seemed like he was about to shout, or something. Later on, I remembered that I didn’t use my pilly-d’s, and it was all part of my imagination. He never messed with me, but I did with him. It wasn’t my boyfriend, because, it was his. And it wasn’t my birthday. It was his birthday!

“Oh, shit. Sorry.”

I stood up, looking at the fork with some pieces of omelette cutted out. I saw some people looking at me, and I got out of the restaurant thinking on what the hell did I just do. 

And now that I’m writing this, I keep on believing that it was my birthday, when it was his, and it sucks that I ruined his day, trying to... mess with him again. Maybe I wanted him to stop the victim’s things, or some shit. I don’t know. Now that I’m reading this, I might regret posting this. But as I said, this is some edgy blog! Yes, I messed with him, and we both enjoyed it. Yes, SJW’s, it was with consent. And yesterday, now that I remember, he was waiting for his new boyfriend, because if he was single, we would have fucked right in that minute. Right in iOS, IPOD, IHOB, IHOP, whatever.

I guess that’s all for now. Sorry you had to read this. As I said, it’s my first of my first. I promise to, be better. Cya, humans.

[iknownothingihearnothing]

BoJack Horseman: 5.2 The Dog Days Are Over

Kay, we ended episode 5.1 with the Goldfish Ladies doin’ their thang in BoJack’s pool. Aside: if their water ballet team isn’t called the Goldfish Ladies, I’ma be disappoint. 

Fish Fridays have gotta be like The Purge for these ladies. 

We also left off, at the tail end of the episode, with Diane and Mr. Peanutbutter. He was dropping her off at her new, um, let’s just call it “not a mansion in the Hollywoo Hills” after a trip and giving her a set of signed divorce papers. 

“Take *that*, our marriage!” she joked awkwardly before leaving. 

So, Diane and Mr. Peanutbutter are friendly but awks around each other. As tends to happen when exes who’ve seen each other nekkid many, many times try to stay friends with each other.

The episode starts with Diane crying in her car, mascara running down her face. She is wearing an outfit that is very unDianeish and she has cut her hair short. AKA the post-breakup haircut all girls know and eventually come to regret.

As poor Diane is cryin’ her eyes out over her canine ex-husband, uh, this happens:

This couple must be transplants from the underwater land BoJack went to for the premiere of Secretariat in season 3. 

Still crying, Diane heads to the airport and asks to be taken as far away from Los Ageless as possible. She demands this of the airport attendant, who is an emu. 

After the title sequence, Diane lands in Vietnam, and as she is walking through Hanoi, dodging people and reptiles alike (look, conspiracy theorists! lizard people!), Stefani calls, salivating for fresh content. Diane, if you remember, is a contributer at the website Girl Croosh, which I guess is a site for, like, everything. 

She promises to write something up from there, the article of which becomes the Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Travel To Vietnam 

I, personally, do not have ancestral roots with Vietnam...as far as I know. I took one of those Ancestry DNA tests a few weeks ago and am waiting on the results. As far as I know I could be 15 percent Tongan, which would be awesome. 

I should visit Germany. Or Austria. Or Russia. Those I know I have roots to. Really close roots. Munich-y roots. My dad’s side of the family were from a valley near the Caucasus Mountains. I am literally Caucasian. 

Sometimes, I don’t know whether to interested in the rich history or saddened and embarrassed at how white that is.

In VO, Diane explains that her family wasn’t much help in explaining to her where they came from when she was growing up, or their family history. We are shown a flashback of pre-teen Diane inquiring to her dad about just this, but he is busy with baseball. Likely a Red Sox game. Or a Red Fox game. 

Furthermore, many of the stores and billboards bear her last name.

I know. Many people in Vietnam share surnames. One of my friend’s last name is Nguyen. 

Everybody she passes, Diane continues, look like her (except the flamingo in the  nón lá hat).But then a woman bumps into her and speaks Vietnamese to her and she has no idea what she’s saying.

At the gorgeous (cartoon) hotel, Diane checks in just as a gang of American filmmakers bust in; they are filming a movie in the hotel. It stars Laura Linney as a recently divorced woman who comes to Vietnam to find herself.

So much for escaping the LA life. 

Diane puts on the dress she bought and the rice paddy hat but she still feels like a tourist.

Speaking of tourist--

Cut to Diane in her usual clothes plus the rice paddy hat appearing to take a selfie in front of the Thien Mu Pagoda.Then everything zooms out.

Pretending to be somewhere more awesome than where you actually are to make other people jealous of you on social media? The hell you say, that never happens!

Diane eats her chicken in the park when Mr. Peanutbutter calls, and, in his usual Mr. Peanutbutter way, inquires as to why she left his party early. He was gonna ask earlier but he was distracted by Todd getting his tongue stuck to the ice sculpture. Todd’s tongue swelled up, and Mr. Peanutbutter had to interfere between him and a mob boss when Todd started talking to him all muffled, the mob boss thinking he was making fun of his deaf sister.

Ya, don’t blame the mob boss.

She makes up an excuse about having a plane to catch to Vietnam while Mr. Peanutbutter literally catches his newspaper in his mouth like a good boy and he promises to pick her up like a good boy/ex-hubby. He is also glad that he is not paying for her phone bills anymore because that international call is gonna be bazongers

Wah wah wahhhhhh as joke falls flat.

In flashback, a still longhaired Diane and Mr. Peanutbutter, recently separated, are celebrating how friendly their separation is by having a divorce dinner. Their waitress turns out to be an excitable young pug by the name of Pickles and I need to call my next dog that. Not fit for a pug, tho. Maybe a dachshund.

She and Mr. Peanutbutter seem to hit it off right away, much to Diane’s annoyance. They both like water! And food scraps! And are full of boundless energy! Amazing! Diane just wants to know if he’s signed the divorce papers yet. Then suggests a housewarming party to curb his loneliness. 

Back in the Bojackverse present, a family of American tourists dressed in American flag shirts and polos mistake Diane for a Vietnamese citizen and talk to her like she’s an idiot.

Yup yup yup. Reminds me of the tourist from California who carved her initials into the Roman Colosseum and then took a selfie.  

I can go a few streets over and meet new people, Diane!

This is a bad reason to travel to Vietnam, Diane!

The internet exists, Diane!

At the hotel bar, Diane meets one of the only other Americans staying there, a dude working on Laura Linney’s movie about the recently divorced woman going to Vietnam to find herself. He appears to be a bald eagle, but we do not know that he is indeed bald because he is wearing a hat. 

He is likely bald, tho. 

I mean, unless people start fake tanning and fist-pumping there. Then I’d feel right at home.

In flashback, Diane hangs a painting of the gorgeous Te Huc Bridge at the Hoàn Kiếm Lake in her crappy new apartment just as BoJack stops by. While helping her move, he, in true blunt BoJack fashion, informs her that this place is a shithole and invites her to stay at his place for a bit. She likes the shithole though. It may be a shithole, but it is her shithole.

At Girl Croosh HQ, Stefani is signing a contract outside of their be-tented building. It seems that the “cockroaches at IT tried to unionize” so Stefani called an exterminator--ahem, “negotiator”. The exterminators, natch, are flies. She also requires that listicle from Diane of 5 Empowering Roles For Women Over 40 Who Would’ve Been Better Played By Jennifer Lawrence. 

Somehow, I predict that role opposite that (now 58) year old actor Maggie Gyllenhaal didn’t get because she was told she was “too old” to play his love interest at the shocking age of 37 will go to JLaw. She’s, like, 28 now! That’s almost thirty!

Still in flashback, Diane’s trying to get work done in her shithole when a pipe leaks and a stray cat meows and someone burps. She shows up at BoJack’s door intoning “I’m a sad, sad girl with a dirty apartment” as was the phrase agreed upon she needed to utter if she ever needed a space. 

Diane finishes her article there and has a glass of wine with BoJack before going back to her shithole. But it turns into...

Keep saying it, Diane. Maybe if you utter it enough times, it’ll actually come true! like the Darling kids shouting “I can fly!” 

Diane mumbles drunkenly how weird it is that they are both single at the same time. BoJack knows why he thinks it’s weird, but why does she? It is just weird, they can totally make out and it’d be okay. But that is gross because he’s BoJack and he’s gross and she’s getting a divorce and allowed to be mean. Then, just as BoJack is ruminating on the last time Diane stayed in the guest room, when he went to New Mexico *andtotallydidnothookupwithateenager* she passes out on the couch in a drunken stupor.

In all my years of seeing therapists, not once has any of them advised me to fly to the capital of Vietnam. 

Diane’s therapist also gossips about the non celebrities she sees. Including Demi who had a first husband named Bruce and a second named Ashton. And a client named Angelina J., who does not think of herself as an actress anymore.

An actress, a director, a humanitarian, a savior of all mankind, all in a painfully obvious attempt to keep the spotlight on her. 

Yeah, I am not much of a Jolie fan.

Diane meets American Bald Eagle working on the Laura Linney movie at the bar and helps him order a drink. He thinks she’s a Vietnamese citizen. They walk through Hanoi’s market area, he tells her about his life in America, thinking she cannot understand a word he is saying, and she kisses him.

I have no bloody idea how you tongue a dude with a beak. There must be some particular angling involved.

American Bald Eagle takes her to Ha Long Bay...the set. It’s actually a backdrop for the Laura Linney movie. American Bald Eagle is the executive grip on the crew. He is Very Important. Or so he claims. But then, as they are perplexedly kissing again, a klieg light falls beside them and Diane curses. In English. 

The jig is up!

Diane tries to defend her actions but American Bald Eagle ain’t havin’ it. She’s the bad guy here! 

Diane is NOT having it, y’all.

Oooh, mic drop!

Number 9 reason to go to Vietnam:

She worries that this is similar to reason #5, which is Get Out Of Your Natural Habitat, but it’s whatever. Diane is getting divorced, she is owed a whatever.

In flashback, Diane has just chopped off her hair and she is wearing a kick jumpsuit looking all fly ready for her ex’s party but when BoJack arrives and compliments her she flies off the handle a bit, accusing him of trying to take advantage of her when she is vulnerable. He sighs and leaves, telling her that Mr. Peanutbutter will love her new hair.

At the party, Todd is wearing what he always is and eyes the ice swan greedily. Yes, he will lick it tonight. Oh, yes he will.

Oh, Todd. You are a delight.

Diane wanders into the library that used to be hers (her Belle-room) and bumps into Mr. Peanutbutter dressed in a tuxedo shirt and what look to be electric blue plastic pants. Carrying a dog bowl full of nachos.

Mr. Peanutbutter mumbles that she looks good. The new haircut really brings out her...neck. It is all really awkward and uncomfortable and Mr. Peanutbutter quickly finds an excuse to greet someone else.

PC hugs Diane and cries that she saw the whole thing; she will be her rock as long as it does not interfere with being Mr. Peanutbutter’s rock because they are both her friends and it also cannot interfere with her work, which is keeping her very bizzay.

There are a lot of heartbreakingly awkward moments in this episode. I kinda sympathize with PC, though. It’s always a fragile position to be in, being a friend of both parties in a divorce. There’s a fine line you have to tread. 

In the present, Diane gets on a plane in Hanoi and calls BoJack to apologize for how shook she’s been post-divorce. She really just needs a friend right now. Get that, BoJack? A friend. 

No more yanky your wanky, BoJack.

Or maybe do.

On the plane, none other than Laura Linney sits down beside Diane.

After she gets over her initial star struck reaction, Diane asks her how her movie ends. Does Laura find herself in Vietnam? Well, yes. Literally. She finds her clone sleeping with her ex. And they team up to take down the government.

Someone call Alex Jones!

But those, Diane says in VO, are not the real reasons to go to Vietnam. The real reason is because you see your ex-husband kissing someone else at a party.

Mr. Peanutbutter picks Diane up from the airport, we are shown the uncomfortable exchange from the first episode in his car, and just as she is about to leave with the signed divorce papers, Mr. PB admits that he is seeing someone. Who is not her. 

Flashback to the party. PC is still rambling on about being supportive while talking on her phone about work related stuffs when Diane spots her ex and Pickles through a window. She kisses him, and, at first, Diane waves it off as just Mr. PB being drunk. Then, the golden retriever and the pug kiss more thoroughly, and poor Diane is crushed.

There. You can fully see the shock and heartache in her eyes, rendered perfectly through simple animation. Another reason why I heart this show so much. 

Because even though she left him, even though she knows she made the right choice, it still frigging HURTS. Like shards of glass pricking her heart.

The heart is an unreasonable muscle.

Diane spends the next few frames drifting through her days. At her shithole apartment. At BoJack’s. On the plane. Even in Vietnam. In VO, she tells us she had hoped the vacation would give her some perspective, but it doesn’t. When she returns, she feels worse than ever.

And that is okay. It’s okay to ache. It’s okay to be confused. When your heart is crushed, nothing makes sense.

So, back in the present, Diane takes a deep breath, smiles a little, and says--

Wow, that was a great episode! I mean, they are all great, but this one was particularly awesome. Took FOREVER to cap, tho. I loved the artistry of the animated Vietnam, how beautiful Ha Long Bay and the Pagoda looked even rendered in animation. The attention to detail is exquisite. 

The emotions were so real. When our hearts ache, whether it be after a horrible break up or a divorce or any kind of tragedy in our lives, we tend to be erratic like Diane was in this episode. We lash out at our friends. We try to doll ourselves up when we know we’re going to see ex boyfriends or girlfriends. We feel as if we’ve been stabbed when we glimpse them moving on when we cannot. Sometimes, we take unplanned trips. Or some of us spend a lot in lieu. I could not take such a trip as Diane took after the worst breakup of my life because I was in the middle of a semester...so I spent money at the local mall. Everything I earned. My paycheck was GONE as soon as I got it. I think I spent over a grand in one month alone. 

We find ways to cope. And eventually, we start on the road to becoming okay again.

[transguyshub]

Trans Tip Wednesday #1, Names

Welcome to our first TTW! In this edition, we'll be going over names, how to choose one, and how to settle into it.

Choosing a new name can be really tough. To some, it comes pretty easily. But for many, it's an agonizing process that has you second guessing yourself at every turn. I personally went through a few names before deciding I wanted the name Tobias if my parents won't help me choose one. From Katelyn, I went to "Kay" then "Kane" (in my non-binary days) because I didn't quite feel the gaping disconnect from my life like I do now. I was on the first of many stepping stones.

Be careful about changing your name too many times. People seem to have a "grace period" where you can waffle a bit, before they stomp down the foot and say enough is enough. People don't want to change what they call you every two weeks, and try to respect that. It's perfectly okay to try a few names before you find "The One", but consider doing this around a couple dedicated friends or family members so you don't confuse the public. 

The first thing to do is create a pool of canidates. Look up names. Look at baby name websites, look at Tumblr profiles, look at real life people, whatever. Trust me. You will find names you like. After you feel fufilled, go over your list. Maybe you have six or seven different names you like, and you don't know how to narrow it down. While I don't suggest this to everyone, here is a process I used to pick Tobias. For that reason, we will use this name as an example.

1) Take the names and write them down on a piece of paper. Read them aloud and and write a paragraph referring to yourself as the names.

2) Look up the meanings of the names and the origins of where they came from. Its fun to have a name that matches your heritage, but of course that's not required. Also, DO NOT use names specific to cultures you are not a part of. For example, I shouldn't name myself "Swift Foot" or "Akasuki". This IS cultural appropriation. 

3) Look at people with that name. What kind of people are they? Do you like the vibe the name gives off? You always hear "you seem like a ___ kind of guy" because people stereotype names. Does it match who you are or who you want to be? 

4) Check the popularity of the name. While I know it doesn't matter to everyone, I personally like names in the middle range. Not too popular, not to rare. It helps you blend in, if that's what your going for. 

5) Make sure your name is memorable and easy to write and pronounce. 

6) Make sure it will fit you now, AND in twenty years from now (if your younger). Personally, I would rather keep one name my whole life. What might seem cool and fitting as a 14 year old, let's just say Frodo, might not seem so hot as a 30 year old when your trying to find a job and work with a professional company. It may work for some, but certainly not all. 

7) Ask friends and family who know you well. They can be great guides. Have them vote, discuss, etc. 

8) Time to pick your favorites to try! Separate which met your criteria best, and try each out for a month or two if you didn't find one that struck you as "The One" during the process. 

Again, don't feel like you need to follow this guideline. I just found it worked for people like me who want a fairly average name.

Another option is letting your parents pick or help you pick. For many adults, the transitioning process is painful, and they don't want to feel like they lost their kid. If you have parents who you think will cooperate, you may want to sit down with them and talk about names. This will help them feel connected to you/r new name, and help them cope. It can also add a lot of meaning and value to your new name.

And the last (and least discussed) option is... Keeping your old name. That's your choice! Even if you don't have a gender neutral name, you may just feel connected to your old name and not wish to change it.

Leaving your old name behind is kind of like cutting off a part of your old self. It can be a painful experience for you AND those around you. Give yourself time to get used to the name yourself before trying to strictly police what other people call you. If your heart isn't in it yet, you'll frustrate yourself further. The brain may not be willing to let go for a long time. 

Consider a several-part process to introducing your new name. Start with a few friends you trust. Ask them to talk about you to one another, using the new name, in front of you so you can get used to what it sounds like, and they can learn the vocal memory. Make sure they are on the same page. Both names and pronouns can be difficult to learn in a toxic environment. If your friends/family are trying to use your new name, but one person continues to deadname, their brains will lock that into it's memory and it will not learn to use your name. It's the same as if you met a person after their sibling, and their sibling calls them a nickname. Your brain will snatch that information up and use it. It will connect that person with the name those you know use, and will struggle to learn the correct name. And on top of that, these people have probably already been using your deadname for years. But if others who are close to you use your correct name, people will be inclined to follow by example and will learn the habit quicker.

If people persist to deadname without much improvement over time, assess the situation. 

They are either doing it accidently or on purpose. Your reactions should be different depending on the case. For example, you wouldn't treat your sibling who's trying hard to learn the same as you would treat a parent who is stubbornly refusing to accept your name. 

First, figure out which is the issue. 

If the person is really trying, be patient and do not get angry. Anger will just blow the situation up, and make the person feel defensive and closed off about it. Instead, try to help them in new way. Expose them to other excepting friends and reinforce habits. Correct them politely, and move on. Don't let them beat themselves up about it. It's tough to learn new habits. Take them with you to therapy or do writing exercises. No matter what, unless there is a mental issue involved, your friends and family will learn eventually. 

If the person is doing it out of stubbornness or spite, you will have to go about it very carefully. While there is no way to force someone to use the correct name/pronouns, you can try to manipulate their feelings and try to help them see your point of few. Explain that you understand it's hard. Tell them how much it upsets you, and how they are ruining your relationship. If they lash back, you have to decide whether to let it go or take a step back and make them regret hurting you. 

Again, be patient during your transition. You will struggle, your family will struggle, and you will sometimes feel really crappy. 

BUT, DON'T GIVE UP HOPE! It takes so long to respond to the changes, but it will get better. There is always a uphill struggle for you to reach the mountain top. But once your there, the view is beautiful. 

Thanks for reading guys! I hope this could be helpful to someone out there. 

Stay fresh, my dudes! ✌️

[sometimesiwearpants]

I'm Leaving Tumblr Today 👋

Hey everybody, I just wanted to let you know that this is my last day on Tumblr. I’ve had a lot of fun blogging but I’ve started to neglect what’s really important.

Anyway, as a parting gift, I wanted to give away all the art, fanfiction, and songs that I started but never finished. You can feel free to use ANY of this content or the ideas as you please. For example, it’s fine with me if you want to record my songs, steal lines from my fics, or use my art ideas. I’m not actually deactivating my account, so you’ll still be able to see content in this post and all my other posts even after I log out indefinitely. 

Thank-you so much for your follows and your friendship! I hope my blog brought you some enjoyment while it lasted. Love you guys ❤

SONGS:

(Lyrics are in the Sound Cloud descriptions.)

Never Feed a Stray - Click Here to listen in Sound Cloud

A song about Marinette reluctantly falling for Chat Noir. 

I Will Stay - Click Here to listen in Sound Cloud

A duet between the oblivious love birds, Adrien and Marinette.

ART:

(If you have ArtRage and want the .ptg file let me know!)

Mattress Surfing Comic

Basically the mattress surfing scene from Princess Diaries 2 but with Miraculous Ladybug characters. Unfortunately I never got around to drawing the third panel - Gabriel majestically gliding down the stairs on a mattress in his PJs (I added versions of the panels without words under the cut.)

Seven Eleven

So what if Seven from Mystic Messenger and Eleven from Stranger Things went to 7-Eleven? I feel like they’d talk about their crappy childhoods and bond over Slurpees and Honey Buddha Chips. Clearly I didn’t get very far with this one but I still like the idea. (Version with just Eleven under the cut.)

(Other versions of my art and unfinished fanfiction under the cut)

FANFICTION

Pursuit -  In this Miraculous AU, Adrien is the sole miraculous holder and Marinette is a civilian who becomes a self-imposed vigilante. The love square and their personalities are sort of flipped so Adrien is a socially awkward mess around Marinette and Ladybug is flirty with Chat Noir. 

(I didn’t even finish writing the first chapter…)

She should have stayed inside. The rain was falling harder now, bringing with it a frigid sensation that washed over Marinette’s paralyzed body. The glowing pause symbol hovered before her, a taunting reminder of the menacing evil that had overcome her best friend. But that had been hours ago. 

“It’s been too long,” Marinette kept thinking. “Something’s wrong.”

She was beginning to fear the worst when suddenly a familiar wave of green light shot through the sky, one of its rays swimming through the air in her direction. As it surrounded her, the pause symbol disappeared, releasing its death grip on her muscles. Marinette fell to her hands and knees on the wet pavement, her body shaking violently as it fought to regain heat.

“He did it.” She realized in relief. “Chat Noir did it.”

She trudged through the storm, each unavoidable puddle soaking through her shoes and biting at her toes. The only warmth provided her was a burning envy for those who passed by with umbrellas. She waited at a street corner, trying to avoid the waves of water that shot towards her as cars sped by. When the crosswalk signal finally turned green, Marinette stepped onto the slick street, distracted by thoughts of home. 

What she would give right now to be inside and safe and warm and dry and wrapped in her parents’ arms. Unfortunately, the latter would not be possible until tomorrow, as they were both in Strasbourg for the annual Festival de la Boulangerie. Maybe she could spend the night with Alya. She would probably appreciate the company after what happened today… Through her thoughts and the tumult of rain around her, Marinette suddenly heard a desperate screech of tires and a blaring car horn. Still in the street, she froze as her eyes caught sight of a black vehicle hydroplaning in her direction. 

There’s no time.

A powerful force slammed into the Parisian girl’s body, catapulting her through the air and onto the pavement. But it wasn’t the car. 

“Are you okay?” 

Marinette could feel a pair of arms releasing her. She looked up, relatively unharmed, to see a pair of glowing green eyes staring at her from beneath a black mask. She was speechless. Chat Noir gently pulled her to her feet as a small crowd gathered round. The people applauded and cheered, some shielding their phones from the rain as they recorded the moment, but the hero paid them no mind. His gaze was transfixed on Marinette in concern. Her face was pale with shock, her skin freezing cold, and her unsteady legs looked like they might give out at any second.“We need to get you home.” He placed an arm around her back and scooped her up, vaulting effortlessly from the ground to the roof of a car. Marinette gasped as they rebounded off an awning and landed on the roof, where the wind was strong and numbing. The hero looked around, then set her down beneath an eave which blocked the rain. 

“Where do you live?”

 Poor Marinette’s brain still hadn’t quite registered that Chat Noir, savior of Paris, was kneeling right there in front of her. Surely, she was hallucinating from hypothermia. He tentatively placed a hand on her shoulder and immediately the electricity jump-started her senses. “Oh! Uh, t-t-twelve Rue G-gotlib!” Marinette practically winced at how screwed up her speech was. A raspy voice and chattering teeth were hardly attractive. But Chat just smiled. 

“So you do talk after all.” A soft laugh escaped her lips. For some reason she had imagined Chat Noir would be dark and brooding, not… charming. “What’s your name?” he asked curiously. A flicker of warmth ignited in her chest. “Marinette.”

…

Chat Noir already knew Marinette’s name. He even knew where she lived. He visited her family’s bakery practically every week just on the off chance that he might see her outside of school. But that was without the mask, when he was just… Adrien. Despite the way he was pictured in most magazines and ad campaigns, the model was far from suave in everyday life. A practically friendless childhood left him with crippling social anxiety around those his age. 

As a result, his first few days at Collège Françoise Dupont, a little over a month ago, were a nightmare. He accidentally introduced himself as “Adrigen Areste" in front of the whole class and found himself tripping over things on a frequent basis. The excitement of having a “famous model” for a classmate quickly dissipated. His deskmate, Nino Lahiffe, seemed sympathetic but struggled to maintain conversation with the new student. Adrien was accustomed to a professional and practical form of dialogue so when the Moroccan said, “Dude, have you heard the new Jagged Stone album? It’s totally lit!” …he was lost for words.  

Then there was Marinette. On his second day, Adrien caught her hanging flyers all over the school hallways. They featured one of his more recent model shots, defaced with a uni-brow and captioned “Adrigen Areste”. There were hundreds of them. It wasn’t until after school that he found out they were really Chloe’s doing. 

“I was only trying to take them down.” Adrien looked past his locker door to see Marinette standing a little ways off, her face a mixture of guilt and compassion. “I know what it feels like to be the new kid and… well, I’m sorry we haven’t been very welcoming.” She reached into her pocket. “Here.” Marinette held out a colorful beaded bracelet. “This is my lucky charm. My mother gave it to me when I first came here and I thought… it might help you.” Adrien was shocked and completely overcome with gratitude. He accepted the gift and admired the bracelet in his hands as if it were a priceless treasure. He looked back at her sheepishly.

“Thank-you…uh-” he faltered.

“Marinette.” It was such a beautiful name. Almost as beautiful as Marinette, herself. Of course, Adrien didn’t have the courage to tell her that at the time. But now… on the roof and under the mask, he had a second chance. When she introduced herself to Chat Noir, he smiled affectionately. 

“That’s a pretty name.”

Cataclysm - Chat ends up confessing his feelings to Ladybug in this unfinished first chapter. I imagined him getting akumatized (into “Cataclysm”, not Chat Blanc lol) after being rejected by her and vowing to destroy the one who stole her heart. When he finds out it was actually his civilian self… well, I don’t know. I didn’t really plan out this plot, but I hope you enjoy!

It was a quiet night. Ladybug and Chat Noir strolled along the rooftops of Paris, planning in tandem as they patrolled the city.

“All the akumas have been striking within the same 5 kilometer radius,” Ladybug said. “If we can just figure out where they’re coming from, we can find Hawk Moth and stop him.”

“You know,” Chat added, “we might not be able to survey the whole city on our own, but-” he tossed his baton up between two adjacent chimneys. “-we do have quite the fan following. Maybe they could help?” He sprang up on the stick and began walking it back and forth like a tight rope. Ladybug paced beneath him.

“That’s not a bad idea. We should talk to Aly- uh that Ladyblog girl. If we can rally enough Parisians to report butterfly sightings on her website, we might be able to narrow down our search area.”

As Ladybug strategized, her nose scrunched up in a way Chat Noir couldn’t help but find adorable. He crouched down, smiling at his smart little bug as he gripped the pole with his claws. “Hawk Moth will be de-miracularized and behind bars in no time.”

Ladybug smiled back at Chat, but a thought caught at her mind. She swung her yoyo around the pole, fashioning it into a swing, and sat with her eyes fixed on the horizon.

Chat swung forward so that he hung upside down beside her and asked with concern, “What’s wrong?” He elbowed her playfully, hoping a joke might bring back that elusive smile. “Cat got your tongue?” But there was no smile, no laugh… not even an eye roll.

“No, I was just thinking…” Ladybug looked down at her yoyo. ”What will we do after he’s defeated?”

Chat dropped to the ground and stood up. “What do you mean?”

“When Hawk Moth is gone, there’ll be no more akumas to capture.” Her foot brushed back and forth against the ground anxiously. “Paris won’t really need us anymore.”

Chat had never considered this.

The thought of losing his newfound freedom was unnerving. The thought of losing Ladybug was even worse. Even if Paris didn’t need her, he did.

“Hey-” Chat lifted her chin gently, “Forget Paris. I happen to remember a certain set of hieroglyphics that prove the world has needed Ladybug for thousands of years.”

Ladybug raised an eyebrow curiously. “The world?”

“Yeah, doesn’t that sound great?” Chat squeezed himself next to Ladybug on the yoyo swing and wrapped an arm around her, much to her chagrin. “You and me: travelling the globe, defeating evil-” the corners of his mouth crept upward as if to warn Ladybug that he was about to say something cheeky, so she interrupted.

“You and me, huh?” She stood up and released her yoyo so that Chat fell on his tail. “And what if I decide to go solo, hmm?” She said with a hint of sass.

Chat was undeterred. “Then I’ll become a villain just so I can see you again.”

“Gag,” thought Ladybug, rolling her eyes. She could understand playful flirting, but Chat’s incessant romantic flattery was starting to bother her. Maybe she wouldn’t mind it as much if she thought it were genuine, but his coquettish behavior towards her civilian alter ego had proven otherwise. She took the banter a bit farther with a flair of dramatic indifference. “Eh, I think I’ll save my energy for bigger threats…”

Chat hopped up feistily and crossed his arms. “Okay, Spots, let’s go then! Right here, right now.”

Ladybug raised an eyebrow. “You’re joking right?”

“Not at all.” He held up his fists. “I’m one hundred purrr-cent serious.”

She considered the opportunity. “Alright then, but if I win, no more puns for the rest of the month.”

He pouted. “Harsh, but I’ll accept it. If I win, though, you have to laugh at my puns for the rest of the month.”

“Good thing I know I how to act,” Ladybug said. “Not that I’ll need to.”

“Because I’m hilarious?” Chat smiled.

She took her fighting stance, “Because I’m going to win!”

Ladybug charged forward, swinging her yoyo in Chat Noir’s direction. He dodged it by ducking swiftly, but then again, Ladybug hadn’t been aiming for him. As the yoyo wrapped around his silver baton, she tugged it forcefully, bringing both back in her direction. Chat swiped towards the gadget as it flew over his head but missed by a few inches. His partner waved it teasingly in the air. “You want the stick?” She tossed it off the roof behind her. “Go fetch!”

Chat squinted at her. “Uh…yeah, cat’s don’t do that.”

She shrugged “Suit yourself.”

“Just to be fair though-” Chat pounced towards her, a clawed hand reaching out to bat away the yoyo. Ladybug jolted backwards, leaving her leather-clad opponent once again swiping at nothing but air - and also falling into her. With a tumble she was down, the clumsy cat draped over her. Shoving against the ground, she flipped the two over and pinned Chat by his shoulders. “Give up yet, Kitty?” she smiled.

“Not a cha- ah- ah-”  Circumstantially, one of Ladybug’s pigtails had brushed his nose in the tumbling. “CHOO!” Ladybug reeled back to avoid the sneeze, and Chat - rebounding from the reaction - pulled his legs in and kicked her off. “Pardonne-moi, mademoiselle!“

Ladybug leapt to her feet, calculating her next move.

“You’re going to pay for that!”  

Chat Noir smirked, calculating his next pun.

“Oh darn, I don’t have any euros on me.”

For another half hour, they chased each other around the city, competitiveness ever growing as they tried to force one another to surrender without causing any significant pain. It was good training, they realized, considering the duo had to do the same with akumatized villains. But this battle seemed like it would never end. The two were so equally matched, so well-balanced, and so familiar that neither seemed able to hold the upper hand for long. That is, until Ladybug bent the rules a little.

“LUCKY CHARM!”

As Ladybug activated her power with a swing of her glowing yoyo, Chat Noir groaned and shouted, “Hey, c’mon! No powers!”

“Sorry, chaton!” she returned as a red and black fabric fell into her hands. “A sheet?” she muttered. “What can I do to him with this?”

Chat’s cheeks burned at the cheeky response that popped into his head. Behave yourself, Agreste! She is a lady!

Ladybug settled for waving the red sheet in a matador fashion “Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty! Come and get me!”

“You sure are terri-bull at understanding cats, milady.”

“And you’re terrible at understanding girls, Chat” she thought in response.

She disappeared down the side of the Eiffel Tower. Chat Noir paused before pursuing her, punching a fist into the air as he shouted,

“CATACLYSM!”

(I didn’t write this transition. Oops!)

He fell right into her cat-trap, the corners of the sheet wrapping around him and closing at the top as ladybug’s yoyo tightened around it. Chat kicked and clawed about inside but the material didn’t tear. “Game over, Chat!” Even from within the dark confines of the trap, Chat Noir could guarantee that Ladybug was just below him, hands on her hips and smiling smugly.  

“Be careful milady. You just might let the cat out of the bag.”

“Huh?”

(He extends his baton, breaking open the trap, and falls on top of Ladybug. He somehow manages to roll her up in the sheet and is kneeling over her)

“Well, aren’t you snug as a bug in a rug?”

“Fine, you won. Good for you.”

“With that charm, my lady, one day you just might get lucky.”

Ladybug blushed uncomfortably. “Ugh, Chat stop.”

“Why?” He grinned and leaned closer to her face. “Am I bugging you, beautiful?” Something snapped in Ladybug then. By then she had freed one hand and used it to push Chat out of her face. “Seriously, can you quit it?” She squirmed out of the sheet and brushed herself off. “The puns are one thing, but do you have to be so obnoxiously flirty?”

“Woah, woah!” Chat held up his hands defensively, trying to reassure her. “Calm down. I was only-”

“Only what, alley cat?” Once she got started, it was hard for her to stop.

“I…uh…” Chat’s face burned with embarrassment, beads of sweat forming on the back of his neck.

She jabbed a finger at his chest. “Look, Chat. If you want to be an egotistical flirt with other girls, that’s fine by me, but I’m your partner. I’m not some mouse for you to chase, so just stop!”

A wave of dejection fell over his face, and Ladybug realized she’d gone too far.

“Oh. Um… I’m sorry, my la- uh Ladybug.” He rubbed at his arm. “I’ll leave you alone.” He took a few steps back before turning and running off.

Ladybug reached out her arm. “Chat, wait!”

He bounded way without so much as a glance back at her. Ladybug bit her lip anxiously. She had only been trying to stand up for herself - just like Alya taught her - but maybe in the heat of the moment… she had misjudged him. Ladybug pulled out the tracker on her yoyo.

She found Chat sitting on a bench beneath the Eiffel Tower. He was arched forward with his elbows on his knees and head resting on the heel of one hand. When she landed a few yards away from him, his black ears twitched and he closed his eyes with a sigh. Ladybug crept forward, wringing her hands nervously. “Chat? I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. I’m sorry.” He didn’t respond. Ladybug sat down beside him. “Really, uh- Eiffel Tower-bly about it.”

Chat opened his eyes in surprise and he finally looked over at Ladybug. She smiled apologetically at him and he gave in.

“I’m sorry too. I thought maybe…” he trailed off and shook his head. “Forget it.”

“Chat, please…” She placed a hand on his shoulder. “I misjudged you because… I don’t really know you. I need you to talk to me.”

Chat took a quick glance up at her eyes and seemed to find the reassurance he needed. He took a deep breath.

“Well, growing up, I was… pretty isolated. I was home-schooled for most of my life and I always felt this pressure to act and talk a certain way. I had no freedom… and no friends… until the day my miraculous showed up. All of a sudden, I had this freedom to be whoever I wanted to be, but I didn’t really know what to do with it. Like I said… I haven’t had much experience socializing – especially not with… girls – so I’ve been basing a lot of my behavior on… um, anime.”

“That actually explains a lot…”

“It seemed to work for Tamaki-

“Yeah, but Haruhi fell in love with Tamaki despite his flirty and over dramatic nature, not because of it! Was he even paying attention?”

“-so I thought I’d uh… try it on you.”

“Haha, well you clearly chose the wrong guinea pig!”

“What? No, Ladybug, you’re not a guinea pig. I… I love you.”

“Really?” “Chat, I had no idea you felt that way…”

“Well, now that the cat’s out of the bag… you don’t happen to have feelings for me too, do you?

“I uh-”

“And once again, curiosity killed the cat…”

“Chat, I just don’t think it would be a good idea to date when so much is on the line.” She pulled at one her pigtails nervously. “We have responsibilities and-”

“Ladybug, you don’t have to lie on my behalf.”

“I do like you, Chat. Really. I mean, maybe not when you’re imitating cartoon characters, but… beyond that, you’re smart, brave, selfless… you’ve sacrificed your safety for mine on more than one occasion! You’re the best partner I could ask for… but the thing is, I… I’m already in love with somebody else. And who knows if anything will come of it, but-” she bit her lip. “I can’t change the way I feel. I’m sorry, Chat.”

That’s it! Again, feel free to use ANY of this! And if you do, send me a message so I can check it out if I ever come back by Tumblr in the future :) BYE!!!

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NEW RELEASE!

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Right Girl, Wrong Timing (Offsides #3) 

By Natalie Decker

Published by: Swoon Romance Publication Date: March 12th 2019 Genres: Contemporary, Young Adult

Synopsis:

Adaline Frost’s life officially sucks. Now that her BFF has found her true love, Addy is constantly stuck being the third wheel. On top of that, she hasn’t started her junior project yet, so her advisor pairs her up with what could only be described as the “Reject Breakfast Club.” Instead of the weirdo and the troublemaker, Addy is forced to work with two stoners, a popular girl, and her crush, Austin Reed, the jock who broke her heart.

Austin Reed is sick of being labeled “dumb jock.” If he doesn’t get an A on this project, he can kiss his future goodbye. Austin thought he’d gotten lucky being partners with the very nerdy Adaline Frost, but boy was he wrong. Addy jumps down his throat about his being late and calls him names like “manwhore” on the daily. She has no idea Austin works before and after school in order to help his mom with the bills. Yeah, he’s made mistakes and has had lots of girlfriends, but he doesn’t need Adaline Frost to remind him of it every time he sees her.

Can Austin and Addy ever be a thing?

Right Girl Wrong Timing is book 3 in the Offsides series by Natalie Decker.

Goodreads

Excerpt:

It’s like my body is on GPS vibe, and I sense her before I see her. Adaline enters the commons, and Brock is talking about something, but I’m no longer listening to him. “Hey, Brock, scoot your ass down one,” I say.

He lifts his head and gawks around. “Grab another chair, and pull it up for her,” he says.

Slick move. I’ll take it. “You still gotta move down. I want her close, man, not really you in my lap.”

He laughs as he slides his chair down, making room for me to pull another chair for Adaline in its place. I steal one from the table next to me. I hope to hell she’s coming over here, otherwise I’ll feel stupid.

She reaches the table and mumbles. “Got a minute before everyone else arrives?”

I pat the empty chair next to me. “Sure.”

“I don’t think I should sit there.”

I frown. “Ads, please take the seat.”

She rolls her eyes. “All right. Only if you stop pouting.”

Brock barks out a laugh as she plops down next to me. I grip the edge of her chair and pull her close to me. Our legs touch, and her eyes widen. “That’s better. You were too far away, and you know how crappy my attention is.”

She looks as if she’s half tempted to slap me. I wouldn’t blame her. “You’re impossible. You know that?” Irritation laces her words. “I was thinking since we must work together, we should get one thing straight. This will not be a repeat of our history project.”

Wow. She’s really scorned. I mean, I got she was mad at me but damn. She knows how to kick a dude while he’s down. “How many times do I have to apologize to you?” I whisper.

“I’ll catch you later, man,” Brock says, and he leaves.

I wait until he’s gone before I clasp Adaline’s chin and direct her attention to me. Her eyes narrow. “Don’t. Can we forget about it and just move on?”

I lean toward Adaline. Her breath hitches slightly. I dip my mouth close to Adaline’s ear and whisper, “We’re not done discussing this. Far from it.”

Purchase:

Amazon

Author Bio:

Natalie Decker is the author of RIVAL LOVE series and the Scandalous Boys series. She loves oceans, sunsets, sand between her toes, and carefree days. Her imagination is always going, which some find odd. But she believes in seeing the world in a different light at all times. Her first passion for writing started at age twelve when she had to write a poem for English class. However, seventh grade wasn't her favorite time and books were her source of comfort. She took all college prep classes in High school, and attended the University of Akron. Although she studied Mathematics she never lost her passion for writing or her comfort in books. She's a mean cook in the kitchen, loves her family and friends and her awesome dog infinity times infinity. If she's not writing, reading, traveling, hanging out with her family and friends, then she's off having an adventure. Because Natalie believes in a saying: Your life is your own journey, so make it amazing!

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From one bookaholic to another, I hope I’ve helped you find your next fix. —Dani

Have a book you’d like to suggest or one you’d like me to review? Please feel free to leave your comments down below.

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The Interview Follies

The Interview Follies

I’ve been a pretty good interviewee for most of my life. I’ve interviewed with clients, employers, reporters, educators, and everything in-between.

I’ve been in some interviewing/application processes which stem from the odd to the downright absurd – all thanks to those on the other end of the interview. Hey, I can’t stop people from being stupid.

Of course, I’ve made note of these SNAFUs. I thought I might as well share some of them.

-To start things off, I had an interview where they got my name wrong. My first name. They called me “Chris.”

-I once had a video interview for a remote job. Not a video interview like Skype, but where I had to record myself responding to questions. I’m good on camera, but still. It was weird. It was like interviewing with HAL 9000.

-I interviewed for a job at a car dealership as a car salesman. I did my homework on how the hell to sell cars. Thankfully, I had a good resource in my father, who had once sold cars in his youth. I think I could’ve beaten Joe Girard to the job at that point, based off of how much *crap* I had to read about selling cars. You know that sleazy car salesman stereotype? The Internet, with its many sleazy salesmen, confirmed that. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed at a “job guide” since. The worst part wasn’t that I was going to try and sell cars; oh, no. It gets better.

I met with the General Sales Manager, who had scheduled my interview right after a “team meeting.” I sat there in the car dealership, watching my potential future compatriots in the car business. They were competition. That’s how I saw it. One of them broke away from the meeting to come sit down with me and give me the pre-interview. Or something. A nice lady from Oklahoma, she asked me about myself, whether I had sold cars before, etc. I figured that directness wouldn’t be my friend in this business *anyway*, so, I said “no” but diverted the question to my other sales experience (hey, being a writer is tougher than selling frickin’ cars).

Finally, the longest team meeting in human history wrapped up. The GM came out, shook my hand, and led me through the Land of Half-Cubicles to a back office. He kicked out the guy in there, and we sat down. He went through the basic interview spiel. He fed me some sales questions, at which I actually did pretty well. You don’t sell $1100 dollars’ worth of overpriced popcorn at age eleven without having some basic sales competency. I passed the pop quiz.

Then, the truth set me free.

He explained that he had never gotten a job application like mine before. He said that, when he first read my application and resume, he said to himself, “I’ve got to meet this kid.” That’s why he called me, he said. He wanted to meet me, see if I were real. I realized I was the novelty.

Needless to say, I didn’t get a call back.

-The precursor to one of my phone interviews was an application which involved including links to pictures of women I found attractive. I kid you not, the job ad said something along the lines: “Include five links of the most beautiful women and five links to the most beautiful spots on Earth.” It was for a men’s web content company, so, I figured it was an “aesthetic eye” thing. I was in theatre for three years. I get that type of person. I was in a relationship at the time, so, it was weird hunting Instagram for links to include in my application. (Yeah, yeah, I know. The pay was good, and it was remote. What do you want from me?) I then searched for the “beautiful spots” links, included those, and sent it off. The COO emailed me back after the weekend, asking what time we could talk. I emailed him a response. Nothing, two days later. Tried him again. Not until the following Monday did I hear from him. (Side note: don’t call yourself a “Chief Operating Officer” if you can’t “Operate” your inbox.) We scheduled a call later in the week. The phone interview with their COO went well, and he promised a call back within a week or two. Spoiler alert: he never called me back.

-I once had a long-distance interview with a company based out of the Middle East. The two interviewers (they ping-ponged between one another) both spoke English – though, one was notably better than the other. 90% of the interview, however, went to the one whose English wasn’t the best when spoken. When I began the process of getting the job, his emails were pristine. They hailed from a country where English is a pretty common second language, so, I didn’t think twice about whether I’d be able to understand the guy over-the-phone. The conversation started with general pleasantries, but once we got to the meat of the interview, I knew I was in trouble. I spent twenty-five minutes trying to decipher what this guy was saying. This would’ve been very awkward had the other interviewer stepped in and basically gave me the CliffsNotes version of what his business partner had said. Needless to stay, I kept things on an email-only basis for the remainder of the job.

-I applied for a job writing content for a men’s advice website. I got an email back from their Founder/CEO. He asked me to complete a writing exercise: take one of their current articles and rewrite it. No problem, I told myself. I wrote it, sent it off, and got word back. My style was good, but it was too terse for an article (I know, I’m like Hemingway). The email started like a breakup, but, then, it turned around. He said that my style could be good for their video (YouTube) division. The mission, should I choose to accept it, was to take an existing article and turn it into a script, using a template as my guide. I did that. He emailed me back and said that the content just wasn’t there. Dude, I converted *your* content. What the hell does that even mean?

-I once had a meeting with an audio producer down in Deep Ellum for a podcast I was shopping around. The place at which we met was probably the crappiest café I’ve seen. Ever. And, I’ve been to some crappy ones. I had also dressed to the nines in a land of hipsters as far as the eye could see. The producer was wearing something Donald Sutherland’s character in “Animal House” would’ve worn. The meeting went decently enough, although I never got talked down in that manner before or since. I mean, I get I’m younger, but still. The lecture ended with him grabbing a smoke. Come on, Colin Farrell.

So, those are some of my interview follies. Have you ever experienced a bad interview? Tell me below. Also, if you enjoyed this piece, please like and share. Thanks for reading!