#eagles beating the giants? fine expected

[livingprophecy]

the way that the vikings can beat the bills in overtime against nearly impossible odds but then lose to the lions despite being the favored victors is why i’m gonna have heart problems before i turn 30

[sonofcoulson]

Tales of Asgard

Season 2, Episode 2

Utgardaloki

Thor's journey to the land of the Giants (This will be in Utgard? Niflheim? Perhaps Utgard can be part of Niflheim, just to simplify things)

Preceded by the story of Odin's quest to get the mead of poetry, focusing on Odin's trickery (abridged). In the norse legend there is a war between the Aesir (Asgardians) and Vanir, Frey and Freya are involved and there's another god who gets killed and some evil dwarves who get killed and Frigga and Thor and Loki are there. Complicated...

This version is before Odin has married Frigga, and Sif and Volstagg (who replaced Frey and Freya) and Thor and Loki don't exist yet. There is no mention of the war or the extra god or the dwarves and begins thusly:

Odin is visited by his ravens who tell him of the mead of poetry and how it is kept in a deep dark cave in Utgard where no one but Suttung, the giant, can ever use it. He dons his cloak and hat. He tells the royal family and courtiers that he will wander the world. They know he's up to something but they don't know what. He tells them to build three huge vats and leave them by the gates of Asgard. He asks for the finest whetstone they have and Rati, the finest drill.

He approaches the lands of the giant Baugi, Suttung's brother. He tricks the (giant) farmers who guard Baugi's land into letting him sharpen their scythes with his whetstone to better cut the grass for hay making. They are delighted at the ease with which they can now cut the grass.

When Odin (calling himself Bolverkr) reveals what he is there for (the mead of poetry) they attack him. He nimbly avoids them and the finely sharpened scythe blades mean the guards/farmers kill each other instead.

He then offers to work for Baugi in their place (keeping the means of their death a secret). Baugi is skeptical at this tiny being claiming to do the work of nine giants. But Bolverkr does it and more (secretly thanks to his Asgardian physiology and the Odinforce too).

As a reward he asks to drink from the mead of poetry. Baugi agrees to take him to his brother.

Suttung is not having it, which embarrasses Baugi. So Bolverkr convinces Baugi to steal the mead from Suttung, to bring him down a peg or two. They drill into the mountain with ease (thanks Rati). When they finally break through to the secret cave inside the mountain, Baugi tries to kill Bolverkr (meaning to take the mead for himself). Expecting this betrayal, Bolverkr transforms into a snake and slips down the drill hole. Baugi slinks off hoping his brother never finds out.

Popping out into the cavern where the mead was kept he takes the form of a giant to flatter Gunlodd, Suttung's daughter, who guards the mead of poetry. He convinces her that three sips of the mead would help him create three ageless odes to her beauty. He, of course, takes the lot in three sips and transforms into an eagle to escape. Suttung and Gunlodd are no magical slouches and they transform into eagles too to give chase.

Bolverkr, now unashamedly proclaiming to be Odin manages to spit the mead into the vats at the gates of Asgard as the eagle giants draw close.

Odin takes great delight in telling his boys how he wet farted some foul smelling mead into their faces to throw them off. And how if you hear a bad poet, you know which mead they tasted.

Odin, of course, shared the mead wisely, his intention all along.

The link to the main story being defeating Utgard giants takes some cunning. Odin tells them they have his blessing to go to Utgard for talks, but be careful. And don't beat anyone else up. And don't start a war. And you can't have any Einherjar to back you up. They are busy doing important things.

Thor wants to have words with the Utgard giants as stealing his hammer is not on (notwithstanding he already pulverised an entire wedding party full of giants as punishment).

He assembles a crew (Loki, Volstagg and Hogun). Loki refuses to be part of the Warriors Three, bristling at the idea that he might be thought of as Thor's sidekick.

Balder can't go as he has become more serious about the Einherjar. Sif refuses to go as this is all very machismo, bravado and ego driven.

Undeterred Thor, Loki and the Warriors Two set off for Utgard. They can't use the bifrost as the giants would see them coming. They stop at the last lodgings before Utgard and are reintroduced to Fandral, son of two courtiers. He can run impressively fast.

You can forget the goat eating/resurrecting thing from the legend (little too crazy, little too cruel). Fandral upsets Thor somehow at Loki's tricking and offers to become his bondservant.

Utgardaloki (a nickname I imagine), the trickster giant will use some ruse to see through Loki's illusions. He disguises himself as an even bigger giant to trick the team, but promises to take them to Utgard. Thor feels threatened by the giant giant and bashes him with Mjölnir while he sleeps, to seemingly no effect.

When they arrive at Utgardaloki's house he challenges them to a competition to settle the matter of the stolen Hammer. Loki is revealed as the thief (but not as a Laufeyson). Thor is livid but the gang break it up.

Utgardaloki reveals the theft was in retaliation for the incident where a giant built Asgard a fortifying wall and Loki had to distract his horse so Asgard didn't have to pay him. He did this by becoming a female horse and ended up birthing Sleipnir who Odin would take from Loki as he was a fine steed; strong and fast. The giants felt this was unfair. Loki is upset by this story as he lost his (horse) son to his father. Then Thor teases him for getting pregnant with and giving birth to a horse. Loki is livid, the gang break it up.

Volstagg takes on the eating challenge (Loki in the legend).

Hogun takes the wrestling challenge (Thor in the legend).

Fandral takes the running challenge (a boy called Thialfi in the legend).

Thor takes the drinking challenge and Loki the picking up of the cat challenge.

When they all fail they are shocked and humiliated. Utgardaloki then reveals it was all a trick. He was the giant giant. And reveals that Mjölnir's blows could have killed him were he not a skilled sorcerer and secretly put mountains in the way (there are now valleys beside those mountains where Mjölnir struck).

Volstagg's opponent was fire disguised as a giant. You can't eat faster than fire, though Volstagg came close.

Hogun's opponent was time, disguised as an old lady giant. You can't beat time, though she only got Hogun down to one knee.

Fandral's opponent was thought disguised as a boy giant. You can't run faster than thought, though Fandral kept up well.

The drink that Thor took was secretly from Niflheim's oceans which cannot be drained, though Thor affected the tides.

The cat was actually Jormungundr, the world serpent and impressively Loki lifted a coil of it. Loki is sad again at this as this is another of his children/pets, banished by Odin to the deepest part of the Nifelheim sea as it was prophesied that it would poison Thor at Ragnarök. Learning from his previous mistake, Thor comforts Loki instead of teasing.

Utgardaloki considers the matter settled and vows never to let such fine warriors near his real home.

As Thor reaches again for Mjölnir, Utgardaloki and his home vanish.

Chastened, the gang return home.

As the gang recount their tale to Sif and Frigga, Fandral is released from his bond and welcomed into the Warriors Three for his impressive endeavours. Loki, despite his earlier attitude, is disappointed and a little jealous. He later recounts this to Sigyn and laments the loss of Sleipnir and Jormungundr. She encourages his bitterness.

Thor quietly muses to Sif about recapturing Jormungundr as a surprise for Loki to cheer him up. Sif, astonished, asks him where he is planning to keep it.

[updatingthedragon]

Solo Dungeon Adventures/Unique Traps

Solo Dungeons and Dragons gets a shout out in the first edition of The Strategic Review, in a unique manner. Gary Gygax himself wrote this article, with a bit of help from others, in which he outlines a system whereby you, yes you, can play Dungeons and Dragons without… a referee. Yeesh, that just sounds weird. I much prefer Dungeon Master. It’s a much more evocative term than referee. Plus, everyone argues with a referee, but who would dare argue with THE DUNGEON MASTER?!

Well, a lot of people, but I digress. Gygax gives us tables by which we can endlessly generate our own dungeon, if we don’t have any friends to do it for us. It is a… bit clunky, like most things in early Dungeons and Dragons. There are a lot of sub-tables to refer too, monster behavior to keep track of, loot, magic pools of water…

Honestly, there are much better ways to play Dungeons and Dragons these days, with  Roll20 and other sites making it possible for even lonely nerds to find a group, and purpose-written solo adventures that avoid the complexity of Gygax’s system. Even if we want a random dungeon, we can simply Google “random dungeon generator” and get computer programs that will do all of this for us. It’s a lot easier, but it does lack some of that charm.

I can almost picture myself, if I had been a teen in those days, huddled under a blanket, flash light in hand, rolling dice and painstakingly tracing out the Caverns of Zurkrasheim (made it up as I wrote this, and I love it already), wondering with bated breath what I will encounter next. It’s raining outside, with that warm, pleasant smell of long-dry dirt finally getting a drink. A train horn sounds in the distance…

Sorry, got a bit carried away there. Anyway, there is quite a bit of stuff we can steal for 5e. While the game seems to have moved away from dungeon crawls, there are several traps worth a look at. I like the idea of hidden doors that are difficult to find (humans, unaided, had a 1 in 6 chance according to the chart), with some great reward behind them. But secret doors are easy. No, the trap I love the best is the gas trap. You step on a pressure plate, and gas fills the hallway! A great dramatic beat. Not only that, but the gas sub-table illustrates different kinds of gas your players could encounter. One literally made your Fighters stronger, while another would just straight up kill you if you failed a saving throw. With that in mind, here are my handy, uh, “gas traps?” That just sounds wrong…

Gas Trap: DC 16 to detect the pressure plate. If the players step on the trap, there is a hiss as a mysterious gas fills the corridor around them.

Types of Gas: 1. Smoke Screen. The gas is ashen gray and thick. The area covered by the gas is heavily obscured, blocking vision entirely. 2. Poison Gas. The gas is a sickly yellow and carried a vague scent of sulfur. Whenever a creature enters or starts their turn within the cloud, a DC 14 Constitution saving throw. On a failure, take 3d6 poison damage. On a success, take half as much damage. 3. Blinding Gas. This light green gas has a strange texture, as if it is made of shards of finely woven glass. Roll a DC 14 Constitution saving throw whenever a creature enters the cloud or starts their turn within it. On a failure, the creature  is blinded for 1d8 turns. On a success, the creature is able to resist the gas, but will have to roll again next turn if they are still within the cloud. 4. Fear Gas. The gas is darkly colored, with strange flashes reminiscent of lightning rippling throughout. Roll a DC 14 Constitution(or Wisdom, depending on DM choice) saving throw whenever a creature enters the cloud or starts their turn within it. On a failure, the creature is frightened for 1d8 turns and cannot press further into the gas. On a success, the creature is able to resist the gas, but will have to roll again next turn if they are still within the cloud. 5. Sleeping Gas. This blue gas carries with it a sense of calm and the smell of cinnamon. Roll a DC 14 Constitution saving throw whenever a creature enters the cloud or starts their turn within it. On a failure, the creature falls asleep for 1d6 turns. On a success, the creature is able to resist the gas, but will have to roll again next turn if they are still within the cloud. This is also not “magical sleep”, so elves and half-elves beware! 6. Vapor of Valor. The gas is the shade of a summer rose and smells vaguely of rain. Your characters are suddenly reinvigorated, receiving almost all of the effects of a long rest; prepared spells, however, are unable to be changed.  

Why would you want a “Vapor of Valor” in your otherwise dank and dangerous dungeon? I can actually think of two scenarios. The first, “meta-scenario,” is that your players are slogging through a dungeon full of monsters slowly picking away at their health, and they’re unclear if they’re lost or going the right way. Triggering something like this might serve as a signal that, yes, you’re doing it right and reignite their adventuring spirit.

The other, “game-scenario,” is that back when the Caverns of Zurkrasheim (or whatever dungeon) was a Dwarven stronghold (or whatever ancient group ruled there), this corridor led to the arena. Gladiators would walk down this hallway in between fights, and the Vapor would replenish their health and make them ready for another brutal fight. And, thusly, your players walk through the Vapor of Valor, feel good about themselves, and then there’s a click, the floor they are on suddenly raises, and they find themselves in a long abandoned arena facing down a Purple Worm. Much like the stereotypical “ammo and health packs at the boss door,” this ensures your players won’t get absolutely bodied, adds a feeling of expectation, and also gives your world a reason to have the Vapor.

Another thing I think we should pull from Gary’s auto-dungeon tables are magic pools. We must, of course, differentiate these from magic lakes which act as portals to another dimension. Magic pools, on the other hand, have a variety of options on the table. Some pools add to your stats, others subtract. Some pools talk and grant wishes! But since Wish is, ah, dangerous, we should stay away from that…

Magic Pools: A still pool, surrounded by stones. DC 14 Arcana check will identify this pool as magical. Rolling an 18 or above on that check will also identify what kind of pool it is.

1. Pool of Polymorph: This pool seems to be surrounded with a strange array of feathers and tufts of fur. Any creature that enters the pool must make a DC 16 Wisdom save or be polymorphed into a random creature (1d8. 1, rat; 2, eagle; 3, giant crab; 4, wolf; 5, brown bear; 6, giant bat; 7, giant spider; 8, giant hyena). The effect lasts for one hour, when it wears off and restores the creature to their original form. 2. Pool of Teleportation. A strange blue-green gem gives off a faint glow  from the base of this 12-foot deep pool. Any creature that submerges in the pool will appear in a different Pool of Teleportation when they surface. This effect can be disabled by making a DC 14 Arcana check to deactivate the gem at the bottom of the pool. It can be reactivated with an additional DC 14 Arcana check. 3. Pool of Midas Touch. A few gold statues of goblins (or other creatures, depending on what’s in your dungeon) stand by the pool, which appears to be full of gold. Any creature that touches the pool must immediately make a DC 14 Wisdom save. On a failure, that creature begins to turn to gold and is Restrained. The Restrained creature must repeat the saving throw at the end of its next turn, becoming Petrified as a golden statue. The Petrification lasts until the creature is freed by the Greater Restoration spell or other magic. 4. Pool of Souls. The water in this pool is nearly black, with strange runes carved into the stones surrounding it. Any creature that touches this pool will be able to communicate with the souls of ancient sacrificial victims who were slain here. They will answer questions truthfully and to the best of their ability. It is at the DM’s discretion how much they know. Optionally, roll a DC 10 Wisdom save after the first question, increasing the DC by two with each subsequent inquiry. On a failed save, the creature is affected by short-term madness for 1d8 hours. Communing with tortured souls may have consequences, after all. 5. Pool of Strength. The water in this pool is light green and seems almost gelatinous. Any creature that submerges in this pool will receive the effects of a Potion of Hill Giant Strength (Strength Score of 21 for an hour). 6. Djinn’s Pool. This pool radiates a sky blue light. Touching the water summons a extremely self-centered Marid,  who congratulates the party on entering his presence and asks for fitting tribute. It is up to the DM’s discretion on what the Marid will consider fitting tribute. If they comply, the Marid will give them a magical item of the DM’s choice. If they fail to present fitting tribute, the Marid will become bored, summon a water elemental to chase them off, and “close the door” by shutting off the connection between the Pool and the Elemental Plane of Water. If players bring up Wish, the Marid will calmly explain he was once “indisposed” and forced to grant Wishes, so he’d rather not. If players bring up Wish again, the Marid will become enraged and fight the party himself.

I think that’s enough to draw out from this assortment of auto-dungeon tables. Six different gases for your gas trap, six different kinds of magic pools for players to encounter. Pretty neat, if I do say so myself.

[silverfrostheart]

Help if you want jdhdhf

Here's this list of tarots major arcana bullhocky. I should note, in a fight, tarot can only use 5 cards at a time. So he's not OP lol. And he CAN run out of magic. But he's still quite strong and possibly gaster level? But Hey here's the list. It's incomplete but help if you want! I certainly need it -w-;;;;

1. The Fool

The Fool is traditionally both the first and the last card of the Major Arcana; in fact, the Major Arcana cards together comprise the Fool’s journey through life. The Fool represents new beginnings, excitement, courage, and potential.

The Fool is also full of advice that wouldn’t look out of place stenciled onto a lime-washed board and sold at a Hobby Lobby, things like “Believe in yourself and follow your heart” and “Have faith in where the universe is taking you.”

Like that one aunt, “The Fool is all about new experiences [and] personal growth.” He is also a little pouty, and appears to have been captured in the middle of saying, “It’s their loss!” The Fool has very fine bone structure.

The little white dog prancing dog at his feet is supposed to represent a “protector,” though it’s not sure from what, if anything, a nine-pound dog is qualified to protect you. “All the tools and resources he needs” for this trip are packed into a bindle the size of a bento box. He’s wearing yellow slouch boots and carrying a single white rose — it’s like using Goop to outfit an Everest ascent.

The Fool represents innocence, a kind word for stupidity. “He does not seem to mind if he does not really know what lies ahead,” which sounds like a really passive aggressive thing to write in someone’s yearbook.

Magic ability-portals

Character who represents this card- Underswap sans

2. The Magician

The Magician (whose more metal name is The Magus) is the first card of the Major Arcana. The Magician also symbolizes fresh starts and new beginnings, because 100% of people who ask for a tarot reading want a new beginning.

The Magician is driven and goal-oriented; he can “apply skill and initiative to accomplish all [his] goals.” His description reads like a performance review. He’s also wearing a snake for a belt.

The Magician card is holding a symbolic staff and making a symbolic hand gesture. He is holding symbolic tablets, wearing a symbolic robe, and standing hip-deep in symbolic flowers. Above his head floats the symbol for infinity. The Magician is like a junior high essay on The Scarlet Letter.

Magic ability- create sheilds/forcefeilds

Character who represents this card-Canvas

3. The High Priestess

The High Priestess “sits at the gate before the great Mystery” and “in front of the thin veil of awareness, which is all that separates us from our inner selves.”

If you’re the kind of person who’s into tarot, you are the kind of person who wants to draw the High Priestess card. On a “What tarot card are you?” quiz, the High Priestess is the card everyone wants to get. The High Priestess is the Elizabeth Bennet of tarot cards.

Moreover, her message is “trust your inner voice,” which is a message absolutely everyone wants to hear. No one goes to a tarot reader to be told, “Your instincts are totally wrong.” A tarot reader’s primary job is to be an enabler — in your heart you already know you’re going to quit your job to be a yoga teacher, you just want someone to tell you that teaching yoga is your destiny.

“Knowledge of how to fix [your problem] will not come through logic or intellect but through your intuition,” she says, which is a real load off for people not overly gifted with logic or intellect.

Magic ability-

Character who represents this card-Tarot himself

4. The Empress

The card of feminine energy, the Empress represents fertility, beauty, and abundance. She may indicate either a physical or metaphorical pregnancy, which seems like something you should really nail down.

The Empress wears a bold patterned caftan she picked up in Yucca Valley. She’s sitting on a red velvet chair that looks like she found it on the sidewalk and tried to reupholster it herself. The Empress definitely uses the DivaCup.

Magic ability-Healing

Character who represents this card-Alterswap Toriel

5. The Emperor

The Emperor is the patriarch, the masculine seat of authority and power. The Emperor is paired with the Empress, even though he’s clearly at least thirty years older than she is. His expression is both scornful and wary, and he seems to suffer from mild rosacea.

The Emperor is seated on a throne “decorated with four rams’ heads, representing intellectual heights, determination, action, initiative, and leadership.” It is not at all obvious why rams’ heads should represent these things, and the last three sound like they were borrowed from Six Sigma.

Magic ability- Fire

Character who represents this card-Ferrell ( @jumpybox )

6. The Hierophant

The staid male counterpart to the much more fabulous Priestess card, the Hierophant represents institutional authority and established traditions. Like the Priestess, he is a religious figure, but in a much more orthodox setting.

No one is ever excited about getting the Hierophant, the middle school principal of tarot cards. If you were the kind of person who got excited about orthodox religious authority, you likely wouldn’t be getting your tarot read in the first place.

Moreover, the Hierophant offers good, boring advice, like “… follow due process and to stay within the conventional bounds of what is typically an orthodox approach. Instead of being innovative, you will need to adapt to the existing set of beliefs and systems that are already in place. You will need to do what is expected of you.”

But the Hierophant is not all bad. The card can also represent a wise mentor, someone like a priest, boss, or teacher. It also may represent a gateway to higher consciousness, as does without exception every other tarot card.

Magic ability-

Character who represents this card-Aion ( @cutiegrumpycerym )

7. The Lovers

The Lovers card represents love, of course, and of the most rarified kind. The lovers share the deep emotional, physical, and spiritual connection you could expect from the kind of couple who calls themselves “lovers.” The two lovers stand among symbols of fertility and intimacy. The woman is gazing at the giant flaming angel in the sky, and the man is gazing at the woman’s pelvis.

The Lovers card also represents a crossroads, and the need to make a decision. “Unlike the Fool’s choice which has no wrong answer, the choice of the Lovers is very much right or wrong.” What’s more, “these decisions or choices are incredibly important and significant so it is essential that you choose the right path.” No pressure.

Magic ability-long distance communication with someone you care for

Character(s) who represents this card- Cross and Xchara

8. The Chariot

The Chariot represents will power, control, self-assertion, and victory. Also, in a refreshingly literal twist, the chariot can represent driving. The card is a real grab-bag of mystical symbolism, including stars, moons, alchemical symbols, and two extremely irritated sphinxes, the leftmost of which is actually rolling its eyes in disgust.

Everything the Chariot says, you can imagine being shouted through a megaphone: “this struggle will ultimately make you stronger!” “get in the race and win it!” “you have to dominate and beat the competition!” “assert yourself and be bold!” “pick up those knees!”

Magic ability-augmented speed

Character who represents this card-Mans (Spidertale Sans - @jumpybox )

9. The Hermit

The Hermit looks like a thinner, tanner Gandalf. He wears the grey cloak of invisibility. Having reached the snowy summit of his harrowing spiritual quest, he now looks sad and a little sleepy.

The Hermit represents being single and loving it. “Be content with being alone or associate only with those on your level,” the Hermit says emphatically over brunch. “Do not waste time and energy on those not ready or not worthy.” (cough, *Brian*) The Hermit is constantly posting about introverts on social media.

Magic ability-Invisibility

Character who represents this card-Chronicle ( @shigxx -I HOPE THIS IS OK AAA)

10. Strength

“The Strength Tarot card represents strength,” a popular tarot site helpfully explains, but unlike the amped-up jock jam sloganeering of the Chariot, Strength here means inner strength of character.

Strength is personified by a lovely woman wearing a long white dress wreathed in flowers giving a lion a comprehensive dental exam in what is surely a very specific fetish. “This lion is happy to submit and surrender to the woman,” who has tamed him with her strength of will and really on-point eyebrows.

Magic ability-augmented strength

Character who represents this card-Altertale sans

11. The Wheel of Fortune

The Wheel of Fortune represents life’s inherently cyclical nature. Sometimes things will go well, other times badly, but in the end, balance will be restored. The Wheel also represents karma, as well as fate and the external forces that control our destinies.

The Wheel of Fortune has absolutely everything you want in a tarot card, including an angel, a lion, a bull, a snake, a Sphinx, esoteric letters and symbols from several major world religions, and an eagle that looks like the artist started out trying to draw one thing and then changed their mind halfway through.

Magic ability-

Character who represents this card-

12. Justice

The Justice card represents justice, as one might expect, and more sternly, the idea that one gets what they deserve. Justice is all about taking responsibility for one’s self, and she gets a little blame-y: “your decisions and actions have long-term consequences and your present and future circumstances are most likely a result of these decisions and actions.”

Lady Justice sits on a throne, holding in one hand a double-edged sword; and in the other, a set of scales. She looks stern and unbending. “A little white shoe pops out from beneath her cloak, reminding us of the spiritual consequences of our actions,” in a note as charming as it is inexplicable.

Magic ability-

Character who represents this card-Storyshift Chara

13. The Hanged Man

Like the Death card, the Hanged Man sounds much worse than it is. The card represents surrender: the man is described as a “willing martyr,” someone who sacrifices himself to a greater cause. The Hanged Man also represents a period of watchful waiting, and he is doing that waiting upside-down.

The Hanged Man is suspended from the World Tree, and “given the serene expression on his face, it is believed he is hanging on the tree of his own will.” (Really?) He may represent “letting go,” a thing you absolutely should not to when hanging upside-down from a tree.

Magic ability-

Character who represents this card- Error/Eri/Geno

14. Death

Books that teach tarot reading advise readers to preface the revealing of the Death card with some variant of, “Now don’t freak out…” In fact, the Death card usually symbolizes a time of change, where one door closes and another opens. This can be a very positive thing, a time of renewal and new beginnings. Then again, sometimes the card symbolizes death.

Death here is a skeleton wearing a suit of armor that indicates death’s invincibility. He is riding a horse with a very small head and red eyes. A collection of disproportionately small people bow before Death’s inevitable slaughter as he regards them with a goofy grin.

Magic ability-

Character who represents this card-Reaper (ofc)

15. Temperance

The Temperance card signifies calm, balance, tranquility, and avoiding extremes. Temperance is cautious, keeping one foot on dry land.

In her hands she holds two cups of water, one hot, and one cold, creating that mystical symbol of cosmic balance, tepid water. Supposedly, the water she is pouring is actually flowing backwards, from the lower cup to the upper one, though it’s impossible to verify that.

Magic ability-

Character that represents this card- Core frisk

16. The Devil

Unlike the Death card, which seems bad but is good, the Devil card seems bad and is bad. The Devil represents materialism, vice, and addiction. He controls our lowest, most animal desires. At his feet, a man and a woman are chained, in servitude to their baser nature. However, the chains are loose and they could slip their heads from them if they tried, indicating that their bondage is voluntary.

The Devil is more disappointed than terrifying, and his Satanic hand gesture is a dispirited wave. The chained lovers at his feet look dopey and complacent, gesturing towards the inky cave of the insatiable unconscious like it’s a showcase on The Price Is Right.

Magic ability-

Character who represents this card- Fresh

17. The Tower

Following on Death and The Devil, the Tower is a very bad card. It symbolizes sudden catastrophe. After this time of chaos, new and better things may emerge, but that’s likely small consolation during your current era of unremitting disaster.

The Tower is a sturdy-looking building that probably seemed safe, but now it has been struck by lightning and it’s on fire, and the same lovers who were so dreamily enraptured on the Lovers card and so calmly drugged out when chained to the Devil are now plunging headlong to their ruin amid 22 symbolic flames. The man’s mouth is open with surprise, while the woman’s is pursed in anger, as if to say, “I warned you about the lightning.”

Magic ability- earth manipulation

Character who represents this card-

18. The Star

After the destruction of the Tower, the Star is all love and light. The card represents joy, kindness, hope, and faith — basically anything you’d want to embroider on a tea towel.

On the Star card, a naked woman is serenely pouring water from a clear, still pool onto the grass, where it runs off in five streams said to represent the senses. The woman is pretty but in an approachable way. Behind her is a field of stars and a tree in which roosts the sacred (if extremely crudely drawn) “ibis of thought.”

Magic ability-

Character who represents this card-Nebula

19. The Moon

One might assume the Moon would be a good card, suggesting femininity, fertility, and other mystically significant things, but in fact, the Moon is a mixed bag at best. The card represents intuition, but also subconscious fears and dark impulses. The Moon is associated with the eerie, mysterious elements of our unconscious minds, including recovered memories and nightmares.

The moon itself is upstaged by all the weird animals that are roaming around beneath it. A lobster crawls out of the depths of a dark pool, symbolizing the disturbing images that bubble up from our unconscious minds, and joins two dogs baying at the moon (some interpret these canines to be one dog and one wolf). Beyond the animals is a narrow path between two desolate towers. The moon wears the expression of someone who has just said their final word of an argument in bed and is now pretending to be asleep.

Magic ability-

Character who represents this card-Nightmare

20. The Sun

The Sun is everything the Moon is not: open, positive, upbeat. Whereas the Star is serene and blissful, the Sun is way too chipper. The Sun played “Get Lucky” at his wedding. The Sun cheers for the kiss cam. The Sun likes to shout “I can’t hear you!” from the stage. The Sun means well, but all the other cards are embarrassed for him.

On the tarot card, the Sun itself looks a little embarrassed, pointedly averting his eyes from the spectacle below him: a naked, wreathed baby riding a white horse in front of a field of sunflowers, like the result of a dangerously escalating feud between Mary Engelbreit and Anne Geddes.

Magic ability-

Character who represents this card-Dream

21. The Judgement

The Judgement card means judgement, not surprisingly, but also an inner voice, sudden realization, or higher calling. Judgment is about resolution, the cathartic climax to all of your struggles. The Judgment card also looks absolutely crazy.

The card shows a group of pallid, naked people rising up from their graves in a colorless, blasted landscape to the call of a trumpeting angel. The angel appears to be faking playing a trumpet, and not even faking it well. He holds the instrument stiffly while pointedly avoiding eye contact with the zombie cult members whose arms are upraised in worship of him.

Magic ability-

Character who represents this card-Outerfell asgore

22. The World

The World is the last card of the Major Arcana, and represents the summation of the journey begun by the Fool. After all the adventures of the past twenty-one cards, the World represents accomplishment, closure, and completion.

Unfortunately, the last card of the soul’s journey is also a bit of a mess. When you hear the phrase “the world,” many images may come to mind, but one them is probably not a dancing lady wrapped in a purple shawl, holding a baton in each hand, and surrounded by a lion, a bull, an eagle, and a human figure described as a “cherub” though he looks at least 28. The lady looks a little off-balance and more than a little drunk, which is perhaps not a bad symbol for closure after all.

Magic ability-

Character who represents this card-

[jflashandclash]

Traitors of Olympus IV: Fall of the Sun

Forty-Six: Ajax

Keeping it Holy

             Really, it was Pax’s fault for getting floored.

           He had been so wrapped up in the excitement of his surrogate father’s horrifying voice ringing through the battlefield and Tony the Egyptian Tiger punching through the ground that Pax may have forgotten the whole near-death family feud going on.

           But now, at least he understood Calex’s fanboyism over Percy and the others. Pax was ready to storm over and ask for autographs of their reinforcements. That way he could jack up the price and sell them to Romans later.

           During all this, Pax had to remember not to crush anyone when he jumped for joy. Flattened Romans: not good for positive demigod relations.  

           Plus, Pax was shrinking and weakening as some of the fighting slowed, bringing him closer to cute panda size. By laws of familial mythological powers, that meant his mom was losing powers too.

           By the time Pax realized this, he also realized how much he’d screwed up by taking his eyes off his mother.

           Something swept one of his legs.

           Pax flopped backwards, crushing something. He hoped it was a ghoul, otherwise he’d have to add someone to the Nightmare Counter.

           He slapped his hand against the strawberry field to break his fall, but a squawk—oh gods, did he really squawk when he was in eagle form? Hawkward[1]—erupted from his lips. Despite the hot, muscly bod his Mayan magic granted him, the impact spread pain through his recently fractured shoulder and recently healed hand.

           Pax expected stickers, lollipops, and kisses-to-make-it-better for months after this.

           Though a queasy weakness made his limbs shake, he had hoped he would keep the whole demigod super speed a little longer.

           He didn’t.

           His mother jammed her stiletto high heel into his injured hand before he could move.

           Pax screamed. For an instance, he could remember the Leonis Caput lurking closer as Pax squirmed and withered to escape his own dagger. The smell of blood and smoke was too familiar. Panic bubbled in his stomach. Or maybe that was bile. Could never be too sure nowadays.

           Pax thrashed. His now-talons tore into his mother’s ankle, shredding some of the leather boot.

           His hand felt like it was on fire as she twisted her heel deeper.

           He wanted to scold his mother and say Kally had just fixed that, but all that came out was, “What do the Fates have against my hand!?”

           Eris released her fashionable Joker laugh. She leaned down. He’d torn the bandana off her face during their fight, revealing a smeared mash of reddish-black lipstick stretched into a crazed grin. It complimented the maniac glint in her eyes. “Oh, my little Terror Muffin. I would hope that you would do the same to me if I got in your way.” Her long, black plaits slipped from her shoulders to dangle in his face.

           Tears wheeled up in his eyes. “No! I wouldn’t! I really wouldn’t!” Ichor spilled all over his fingers from where he clawed at her ankle. Why wouldn’t she get off? “I can’t balance in high heels tall enough!”[2]

           Definitely impressive, but more horrifying at the moment.

           When she leaned more onto that leg, Pax heard something crunch in his hand. He squealed. Not again! His fingers had barely been able to move from having a dagger shoved through the tendons—

           “Now, come along. Join us! I’d have so much more fun fighting alongside you instead of against you!” she said with a huge grin, like none of this was weird.

           Not for the first time, Pax became queasy at wondering how his parents had flirted, especially if this was his mother’s version of a Bring Your Son to Work day. He was also frustrated to remember his mother knew exactly how he fought: she’d kept her stance wide enough that he couldn’t tie her boot laces together.

           He was about to point out that godly social services might not like this, but a ball of glowing, turquoise fur beat him to it.

           Something their size smashed into Eris’ side.

           Eris toppled backwards, down Farm Road’s hill.

           Someone’s hands grabbed him, claws pinching his skin. The momentum happened so fast, he barely registered the plan before it started. “Smile for the audience.”

           More tears threatened to well in Pax’s eyes, not that he had stopped crying recently. If these last few weeks kept at their current rate, he could probably team up with global warming to flood all coastal towns in the world.

           That was a phrase Frasco used to say back in the circus whenever one of them fell or forgot their part. As Frasco explained in private, Frasco never cared about the mistakes they made during the performances, just that they had fun and were safe at the end of the day. Frasco said those words when lifting them for a quick recovery flip, so they could hop out of the flip with more excitement and pride than embarrassment or shame.

           The same way this person lifted Pax for an assisted flip, apparently realizing his shoulder and hand were less than functional.

           Pax landed back onto his feet, digging his ankle talon into the ground for stability.

           Even though everything was not Reese’s Stick and Weasels, Pax still grinned with nostalgia. He glanced to the side at the glowing cat-headed avatar beside him.

           For some reason, seeing Axel as a giant cat-chick didn’t scare Pax. Yea, this giant cat-chick was terrifying. But this could be any terrifying giant murder machine, not the special kind of PTSD-forever terrifying the Leonis Caput inspired.

           While nausea did hit Pax’s stomach with the renew pain in the new hole in his hand, he didn’t flinch away from his brother.

           A sense of giddy hope calmed Pax. While they couldn’t erase how Ares and Aphrodite had forced the Leonis Caput to give Pax How to Fillet a Demigod lessons, maybe he and Axel could be fine after this. Maybe he could still have one healthy, happy familial relationship.

           Pax wanted to share his calm with Axel and comfort Axel after whatever ordeals he had to suffer going—apparently—to a magical, Egyptian Halloween store that landed Axel with the new outfit. He needed to say something that would make all this chaos and madness feel normal and easy. Something for a real heart-to-heart—

           “Nice rack,” Pax said.[3]

           Eris had regained her footing and was making her way up the hill. She hummed happily, like things couldn’t have been going better.

           Axel growled deep in his throat as he shifted within the cat warrior. The avatar mimicked his defensive stance. “I’m twisting your ear off as soon as both our trauma settles,” Axel said.

           “All I heard was, ‘Ajax, you have a free pass to harass all your friends and be inappropriate for the next few years,’” Pax said.

           The cat avatar’s weird W mouth tweaked into a smirk. “Use it well. And know I have an excellent memory for when that pass runs out.”

           The brothers stood side-by-side, one with claws out, the other talons, as Eris leveled with them.

           This wasn’t their usual fighting stance. Normally, Pax practiced more of the hiding-behind-Axel-style, but he liked the change. It wasn’t like he hadn’t trained for it.

           Eris’ serial killer, black eyes glistened with glee. “Santiago would be so proud of you both—”

           Pax didn’t want his mother to finish the comment, since he guessed it wasn’t going to end with anything about his pranking glory. Clearly, Axel didn’t oppose some quality interruption either.

           The brothers attacked at the same time, moving in harmony the way they might have if this were a circus performance with Frasco, Hiro, Lapis, and Kouta cheering them on.

           Eris may have been able to handle Pax alone and even given him some nasty knife kisses, but alternating attacks between Axel and Pax sent her retreating.

           As soon as Eris went to stab at one of Pax’s quick kicks, Axel would rush at her open side, slashing his claws out. She couldn’t block them both.

           There was one major disadvantage of Axel’s new form: sword fighting and grappling were a little difficult when you had Mrs. O’Leary-sized-toothpicks for nails. At some point, Pax would need to make a haiku with that: Axel finally gets rid of his curse on swords. Gains sexy cat-lady form that will never need swords.

           Pax, meanwhile, could barely use his hands. His fingers wouldn’t respond where his mother had smashed the ligaments again and where pain racked his shoulder with every movement. Plus, Pax had to admit, he hadn’t really wanted to hurt his mother. Until this point, he’d been mostly stalling to keep her from attacking the rest of camp.

           They combo-ed everything they knew—using acrobatic and fighting, tumbling around her, kicking, attempting grapples. Each attack sent Eris stumbling backwards with more ichor smudges to her makeup.

           The nice thing: Axel wasn’t here to save him or let Pax reduce to his cute fluffy self. Axel was here to fight beside him. Axel’s presence made it less chaotic. The attacks were methodical, designed to force Eris to focus—something Pax guessed was a deficit for his whole side of the family.

           She could wear them down. Pax knew his Mayan blood sacrifice would run out, and he guessed Axel’s Tony the Egyptian Tiger suit would fail too, and, if it didn’t, Pax had a million questions he wanted to ask Reyna about her attraction to his brother. Regardless, they would need to end this fight fast.

           Eris laughed hysterically, her form shrinking with each step backwards. Pax hadn’t realized it, but he was shrinking too, now smaller than Axel’s flickering avatar.

           Flickering?

           Eris let Axel’s next slash hit, grabbing his clawed hand and jamming it further into her side.

           Axel growled and wrenched to withdraw, sensing the trap.

           Eris spun, positioning herself between Pax and Axel, leaving her back completely open to Pax when she tossed something between she and her son.

           A flashbang.

           Sometimes, Pax really hated how much he was like his family.

           “Stop—”

           The last thing Pax saw over his mother’s shoulder was her knife digging deep into Axel’s avatar chest.

           Then everything went white.

           His ears rang.

           Having super-eagle vision super sucked when you’re staring at a miniature sun explosion. A pop and flash left Pax stunned and disoriented.

           His heart pounded in his head. Pax rubbed at his eyes, slashing a claw forward to snatch at his mother or find his brother’s avatar or a magical rewind button hovering in the air.

           “Axel!” Pax screamed.

           “I’m fine!” Axel said, sounding very not-fine. He sounded weak and raspy. His voice came from somewhere near the ground. It didn’t resound the way it had with the cat warrior suit. Tony the Egyptian Tiger was no more.

           Pax should have seen this coming. This was his usual tactic: when outnumbered, drop a smoke bomb to confuse the enemy, take out your biggest opponent, do the world’s shortest victory dance, then run away to pet your weasels for another day.

           While Pax still reached out blindly, something powdery puffed into his face.

           Pax realized he should have held his breath after the first inhalation.

           His lungs felt like they were burning. Chokes and cough racked his chest.

           Maybe his Mom’s utility belt was a lot more dangerous than his. The grenades should have cued him in.

           One thing was for sure though: Eris had not retreated to pet her weasels for another day. Her knee slammed into Pax’s diaphragm. Whatever breath he had left in him deflated as he collapsed to his knees.

           He couldn’t even grab something from her utility belt or tie her shoes together. His fingers wouldn’t react enough. His mind was fuzzy from whatever she’d thrown in his face, now making him wheeze worse than a hippopotamus with bronchitis.

           Eris pulled off his Silver Tongued Snake helm and pinched his cheeks together with her thumb and fingers, probably making him look like a fish. “Oh, little Terror Muffin,” she cooed. “I think you’re out of steam.”

           She was right. Pax could feel a numbing, icy tingle as the Mayan power surge left him. Pain pierced his fingers, ankles, and arms. He wasn’t sure why until he managed to lift one hand to claw at her grip.

           One of his finger talons snapped off. Although Pax knew they weren’t permanent, the rip felt very permanent. His arms felt weak and gangly, not nearly hot enough for his normal sexy, runaway acrobatic look.[4]

           She patted his head, smearing some of her own ichor onto his skin. If Pax hadn’t already been conditioned to feeling sick, he might have thrown up a satyr.

           He tried to look for his brother, to make sure Axel was actually okay, but everything was still too bright and blotchy. He felt too weak to turn his head.

           “Darkness’ end: pax or chaos,” Eris muttered, reciting the last line of the Traitors of Olympus prophecy. “Such an odd thing for an oracle to say, almost too ambiguous. Your sister thought your choice of involvement would alter the end. After all, Axel would have never led his crew to help Euna if not for you. Some of your friends would have never found the courage to stand up the way they did today, to stand up and fall. My inspiring little hero.”

           Eris tickled him. Normally, Pax would pretend to be ticklish when she did that. Now, he batted her hand away, mind reeling for a plan, but Pax had always been weak in the planning department.

           “You take a nice nap here,” Eris said, “Now that I’ve taken care of you and your brother, I’m going to kill all of your friends while they’re distracted playing with the other gods.”

 ***

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed! Stay tuned next week for another Ajax chapter, Two out of Ten Stars on the Monologue.

 ***

footnotes:

[1] Mel betacomment, “Pax! How have you survived this long! Right.. Axel.”

[2] False. He totally can and he knows it. One of the few actual lies Pax tells in the series.

[3] Mel was very concerned about whether or not cat avatar had boobs. Canon. Boom.

[4] Mel, “It’s like a delirious and sick Pax trying to do the sexy arm on a door thing to Kally and Kally scolding him.”

Jack, “I need to draw this now XD”

[borisbubbles]

ESC2019 Preshow#10

10. ALBANIA Jonida Maliqi - “Ktheju tokës” SemiFinal 2, #14

Spiritual successor to “Mercy” <3 Unlike the many songs that grew on me, it well and truly was love at the first sight of “Ktheju tokës” and I never looked back. 

ENTRY ANALYSIS

It’s surprising the “this year’s Eurovision is the WORST EVER because I love being dramatic for the sake of it” narrative even took off this year because THIS MARVELLOUS MIRAGE was the first entry revealed and it fucking SLAPS. #TellAviv2019 COULD NEVER HAVE BEEN BAD AS LONG AS JONIDA MALIQI REMAINS A CONFIRMED PARTICIPANT AND THAT IS #MyTruth~

I think it’s pretty obvious, why Jonida is iconic and amazing yes? Then I won’t insult your intelligence by delving into the nitty-gritty, but juuuuust in case you aren’t feeling Jonida, for *some* fucking reason: It’s a beautiful, anti-emigration humanitarian hymn completely in line with last year’s “Mercy”, except the medium of choice is an ambient, percussive folk ballad 😍. It’s hilar to me that the Serbs and Albanians hate each other so much, because it’s almost as if they swapped entries (”Kruna” really does have “mediocre FiK winner and underwhelming ESC flop NQ” written all over it, don’t lie to yourself!)

What else is there of note? Ah yes, the REVAMP. The song itself wasn’t so much revamped (they dropped the strings, which is good imo because they distracted from the beat) as Jonida herself was. Observe the BEFORE and the AFTER of Jonida Maliqi:

What a GLOW-up 😍 Thank fuck they did this too, btw. In order to charm all the aged rockers that make up the FiK Jury, Jonida needed to look like a shrieking harpy, but they’re turned her into an unstoppable force of glamour for Eurovision. Gays had better be flocking to her altar to pay tribute in the form of 12 points!!!

However, the further we delve into this ranking, the HARDER it becomes to cut my babies ;__; (sorry, channelling my inner Mommy [Tamta]). With most of the remaining entries I’ve had a certain moment where the song I just ~clicked~ with the song and it won me over. I haven’t really felt that with Jonida, whom I’ve always just straight-up loved. Because of this I’m less attached to her as I am to the nine other acts still in the ranking. She’s great, obviously, but she’s just there for me, being regal and excellent, as always~

NF Corner

This was the first year I bothered checking out the finale of FiK and while it went on for waaaay too long (the voting took more time than playing all the songs did, wtf), I wasn’t disappointed. There were several songs in there I liked and even two I... loved?

Soni Malaj provided the first of what would become many acts featuring a solo woman with a sultry midtempo dancepop anthem and I think she’s better than several of the acts other countries have chosen! (Remember, Eleni Fourera, or should we say, Entela Fureraj, is Albanian, after all). However since this is FiK and looking like a spinster is pretty much mandatory for women, she lost but, oh well.  And of course, ORGESA ZAIMI  was in this edition as well and as you can expect from a past BorisBubbles fave, she was once again stellar. Serving some serious Judy Funny realness with this outfit btw:

Our people’s heroine fared even worse than Soni did tho lol 😬. BACK UP BACK UP GUYS, DON’T LOSE YOUR COOL, it’s Albania. They aren’t ready to accept an edgy, jazzy hiphop beatnik bop, but that’s fine, we give them time to get out of the mid-80s (exactly ONE year) before they finally let her win FiK :)

Qualification Odds: Borderline (+)

Sadly, Albania is never a safe qualifier and every year it’s a struggle for the finale, regarldess of whether they deserve it or not.  🙄 A lof of Jonida’s chances will depend on how the rehearsals and staging go for her, but I think she Qs.

Yeah, she’s between Sergey and KEiiNo, which could end her, and I recognize that, but isn’t it so that being between two strong entries can be good if you can reach the same quality standard? Being part of a strong streak leaves a good impression, just as Ieva last year. Good vocals and a strong rumoured staging concept (turning Jonida in a giant eagle <3) should be more than sufficient to let Albania sail through in 8th place. Which is all for the best!  ‘Ktheju tokës’ arguably the best song Albania have ever sent to Eurovision, and if there’s any justice in this world it should be rewarded with a high placement in the finale! 

Projected placement: 6th-14th in the SemiFinal. If she qualifies, she COULD (should) be an unexpected top 10 finisher... but will probably end up between 12th and 20th place. 🙄

Link to the masterpost

[italicwatches]

Animal Sentai Zyuohger - Episode 04

I can only hope this is as fun as it looked in the preview. Anyways, it’s Animal Sentai Zyuohger, episode 04! Here we GO!

-We begin out on the coast, with…various duos being netted and captured by Kubar’s first MotW!

-And the next morning, Yamato learns that Sela and Amu got sent out shopping together. …Oh god. You sent Amu out with access to money?! Also Mario is in a sheep costume. We will not be engaging with that. Also, Leo went to follow them, so it’s just Tusk left here out of the four. …Leo just wanted to get out of laundry, didn’t he.

-It’s more that he’s all protective about women. Comes from being a lion. And out in the field, he’s more than happy to carry Amu’s purchases, her many many purchases…When a shiver runs up their tails. A Dethgalien!

-Who, aside from having a design that I might steal the next time I play a Warforged, has gathered all these duos up and is gonna make them fight to the death to escape his battle game. Fight your friend! Only the winner can escape! MWAHAHAHAHA.

-And back up at the Big Bow, Genis is fucking loving this show. You have some fine tastes in your creation, Kubar. And such an excellently paired wine to go with the show. While, down on the field, the shopping trio find this situation…

-Opening! With their gaze locked on the distant hopes…

-Episode 04! Roar in the Ring!

-So finally, one of the two guys forced to fight each other manages to knock out his best friend, and gets escorted out…While his friend is turned into a barrel?! And now, his spirit will wander the cosmos, for eternity. …Fuck.

-Instincts Awakened! So this cannot be allowed to stand. The MotW sends his mooks out to fight, with Lion cornering him up while Tiger focuses on rescue…Which leads to the bastard throwing one of his nets at her, and Lion and Shark leaping in to try and stop it aaaand they’ve been captured. Naturally. And Tiger can’t hold the MotW off on her own, as he manages to escape with Sela and Leo in tow! Oh shit oh shit oh shit.

-The good news is, she manages to undo the barrel transformation to the guy…But that does little for the immediate problem, as soon Eagle’s out searching for where they could have been taken…

-He meets up with Tusk and Amu, who’ve been searching on foot, but they’ve got nothing. Not a single clue, or lead, or…Or…He sees a doggy sniffing around the park, and suddenly gets a plan. They don’t need to track by sight, they need to track by scent!

-Cut over to the wrassling ring. Where Leo and Sela find themselves expected to fight…And they’ve had their Symbols taken, too! Only the winner gets a chance to challenge him for their Symbol. Who will sacrifice themselves, and who will strive for life…?

-Leo forces himself to stand, and yeah he’s planning to sacrifice himself.

-Back at the cabin, Yamato digs through the laundry, and finds…Some of Leo’s socks. Tusk, I have good news and bad news. It’s Leo’s or, hey, here’s Sela’s! …Pick horrible lion man stink, or a reputation as a pervert. PICK ONE.

-Horrible lion man stink it is. I’m sorry, Tusk.

-To the ring! Where Leo is totally faking a fight and Sela sees right through it. Quit this bullshit, jackass. She’s a champion. A shark. One of the sea’s greatest hunters, and her people’s finest warrior! She, does not, need, to be treated with kid gloves!

-So the MotW is bored of them fighting with words and not fists. You both get to be barrels! No, no, Sela’s gonna fight. She’s got a lot to work out on this jackass. As out come the claws, the fangs, and the real fight begins!

-And Genis is loving this shiiiiit.

-And this fight is up a level. Leo’s not fucking around now…And he’s not holding himself to any rules, either. He’s got enough raw strength to just throw Sela around and keep her from using any of her techniques, as he forces it to a single final clash…

-When the others arrive, at the last second! Instincts Awakened! Tiger and Elephant start blasting the ring apart, while Eagle snatches the Symbols right out of the MotW’s hands! Now, you two take a breather, they’ve got…

-Eagle. You have literally no idea how angry Sela is. Literally, no, idea. And she is going to take all of it out on the bad guy because otherwise she might actually kill Leo. And he’s got his own furious pride…

-So SHARK LION! Instincts Aakened!

-Champion of the soaring sky…ZYUOH EAGLE! Champion of the surging waves…ZYUOH SHARK! Champion of the savannah…ZYUOH LION! Champion of the forest…ZYUOH ELEPHANT! Champion of the Snowy drifts…ZYUOH TIGER! Animal Sentai, ZYUOHGER!

-And the fight is on, with a surging insert song to rally all the little children watching. And Lion and Shark completely skip the mooks, focusing entirely on the MotW to work out all their anger at the situation…And when they’re both against someone they can just go all out on, they’re both scary ferocious.

-We even get to see Lion’s full strength when he’s not worried about the other guy surviving, when he catches a battle axe between its blades, rips it out of both of the monster’s hands, and then cuts through his armor…And gets a nice big opening! NOW!

-Shark kicks out her Beast Unleashed fin, and then it’s a vicious saw blade strike, that opens things up as everyone gathers, for a combined ZYUOH SLASH and ZYUOH SHOOT! Shark and Tiger of course get the Slashes in, delivering the proper final blow and deciding the fight and she is, quite possibly, even more mad at Lion than she was before.

-Of course, such a good and effective monster of the week gets another round! So out come the Zyuoh Cubes, and let’s cut straight to Animal Combination! THREE! TWO! ONE! ZYUOH KING!

-And so it’s axe versus sword, a classic Fire Emblem matchup if I ever saw one…Though of course, with Elephant and Tiger providing support. I mean, until they get bound in giant netting! Well that’s a problem.

-Cube Giraffe! Go suck them free! And then, Giraffe Bazooka! ZYUOH FIRE!

-You ever get the feeling that their hearts just aren’t in the mecha fights anymore? These things get more and more by the numbers with every season…Maybe it’s just that they don’t have the fun gimmicks yet.

-In the aftermath, Yamato’s patching Leo back up, and Sela finally confronts him properly about the fact that he held back. Again. …Heeeee’s gonna go. And she has every intention of forcing a real fight one day, even as Leo’s pride refuses to allow it…

-But late that night…A gorilla zyuman pours himself tea into a cube teacup…

-Credits! …I’ll tell you a good trick!

And again I’m left with the idea that the character beats are doing more interesting stuff than the fight choreography. The wrestling match stuff was really cool, mind you, but the actual fighting in sentai suits was just, kinda, standard. Some of that might simply be how many of these damn things I’ve watched, of course. Or it might be that they still need to get some more gimmicks onto the field. We’ll see, and hopefully learn about this gorilla man, next time in episode FIVE of Animal Sentai Zyuohger! Wait for it!

[decadentenemyturtle]

The Great Unknown

Part 10

Summary: As if it wasn’t bad enough to fall in a random hole in a road and find yourself in Middle Earth, travelling with Thorin Oakenshield and his company, but also get turned into a dog by Gandalf. And when the wizard doesn’t even know how it happened or how to turn you back, you could only hope that this was just a bad dream. But is it?

Pairing: Thorin’s Company x Reader

Words: 2120

All parts of The Great Unknown

The night was going to be long. The company had been walking few hours before stopping and making a camp for the rest of the night. Dwalin took a first watch and you were forced to take the watch with him. You were utterly tired, but you had had no other choice. And after Dwalin finally woke Gloin for his watch, you fell to a deep sleep, only to note that you'd got only few hours of sleep before Bombur came to wake you for the breakfast. You ate without listening what the others were talking about. You just kept wondering, why Thorin didn't let the company rest a little longer.

After breakfast you continued your journey. Your legs carried you forward tiredly, yet you didn't complain. Thorin had said that you'd stop to make camp earlier than normally, if there wouldn't come any dangers before that.

"No, Thorin, there won't be any danger until we are climbing that blody mountain. First those rock-dudes and then the goblins. Bilbo gets separated from us and finds the ring. Then the orcs join the party when we'll get out from there and you'll almost get killed, because you're a stupid king with big ass ego you could shove up your butt" you murmur. Few dwarf just glances down at you, not knowing what you were murmuring about. And you were tankful that the dwarves didn't understand you, maybe for the first time. You didn't feel like explaining the story to them, and maybe it was good that they didn't know about your knowledge of their future. They didn't need to know about the upcoming events. There were some things that needed to happen, no matter how much it hurt you. The only ones that knew were the ponies, who were neither dead or left to Rivendell, and that one random eagle you had met.

"It must be lonely for lass to not have anyone to talk to anymore" you hear Bofur say somewhere behind you. You wanted to turn to look at him and nod, but that little voice inside your head told you to not to.

"Aye, thought she still has us" Kili says. You wanted to roll your eyes. Yes, you weren't alone, but you couldn't talk to them like you could talk to the ponies. And Dori points this out to Kili. It was different to have a conversation with someone than just listen them to talk to you and not be able to answer.

You still couldn't believe that they were acting nice towards you. You had come to realize that it had nothing to do with magic around Rivendell, as silly as it may sound, and it might be impossible for thirteen dwarf to hit their head in one evening and just... change to be nicer. So you thought that someone had said something.

Maybe Elrond or Gandalf had pointed out to Thorin that the company was being rude and had threatened Thorin that you'd be left behind if there wouldn't be a change. And he had commanded the company to be nice to you. That sounded reasonable to you, yet you didn't understand why Thorin wanted to keep you with them. Because you could help them to get more meat? Thought, why would Elrond care about how the company treated you. Well, whatever the reason was, you were still here travelling with them.

While you were travelling, the company didn't talk to you as much as they had in Rivendell, and in all honesty, you didn't mind. It almost felt comfortable to alone with your own thoughts. And you almost expected everything go back to normal, in time. None of the dwarves liked you and for Bilbo, well... You weren't sure if Bilbo liked you or not.

After a long day Thorin finally called for a stop and the company started to make a camp. Gloin went to look for firewood and you decided to accompany him. Dwalin had been murmuring something about going to hunt and you just didn't have any energy left to hunt. And since you couldn't say this to others, you just went with Gloin. And he seemed to be rather happy when you followed him.

You couldn't carry much, but you found few sticks from the ground. Gloin didn't seem to mind when he carried the firewood by himself to the camp. You felt a little bad about it and so you were carrying a stick in your mouth. Gloin smiled to this, and so did others when they saw you. Dwalin was there, which meant that he hadn't gone to hunt. Or then he had seen you go after Gloin and had been waiting for you.

"He would have been fine by himself, ya know" Balin murmured, when you set yourself down next to him. You huff and close your eyes. Of course he would have been.

"And ye look like ye need some rest" you hear Dwalin say. You open your eyes and see him standing on your other side. "Rest, we'll go huntin' tomorrow" he ads and sits down, starting to ruffle your fur. You close your eyes again, rather relieved that you didn't need to go to hunt with him. And by the fact how happily Bombur was humming, you knew there was enough meat for next few meals. You didn't realize that you fell asleep. You were woken up when food was ready. You were half asleep when you ate that next time when you woke up next morning, you didn't even remember eating your supper.

You continued your journey to Erebor. It took from the company a week before they reached the Misty Mountain's and started to head up. The rocky path you took was starting to get thinner and thinner and when you were high enough that falling down would kill you, you started to have problems with walking on it. Help didn't come from the dwarves or Bilbo, and the ones behind you started to grumble when you were slowing them down. And as you had thought, in a week they almost returned to the "We hate this lass" mood. They were grumpy, almost cold towards you. Balin and Kili were still talking to you, Fili sometimes and Dwalin only when you two were hunting. The only difference was that they didn't push you away and if the dwarves were mean towards you, you showed them that you were ready to defend yourself.

When the rain started day after you had taken the mountain road, the dwarves started openly and loudly comment how you were slowing them down. No one said anything to them to make them stop, but neither did they help you to walk on the road or didn't carry you. When Nori finally got tired of your slow going he gave you a little push with his foot, causing you to slip on wet rock and you almost fell. Someone shouted behind him, telling him to not to kill you, but that wasn't what scared Nori or made him shut for the rest of the time before shelter.

After you steadied yourself, your heart beating like it had it's own drum solo in one of Metallica's songs, you turned to Nori, your tooth's fully showing and you growled to him, which seemed to come all the way from your chest and you literally seemed like you were going to maul him right there. Nori, looking like he would shit himself, took a step back and shook his head a little.

"Please, lass, I'm.." he started, but you growled again.

"What, you're sorry?" you growled. The company who had tried to walk slowly in front of you, had noted that you had stayed behind. They all stared at Nori, all knowing that he had done something and had finally pissed you of. When you started to walk again, catching the others, their eyes were on you. You still looked like you'd rip their leg off if they'd even touch you. After you continued your slow walking, none of the dwarves commented your slow walking. Nori even kept some distance to you, fearing that you would hurt him or worst, kill him. And while it was tempting, you knew that you didn't kill innocents if you weren't going to eat them. And Nori wasn't on your menu, yet.

An hour after the Nori-incident the rock giant's started to fight. And finally someone had brain's to keep you steady and stop you from dropping to your dead. And that was Bifur. You winched a little how tightly he held your fur on your neck. After about half of the company got their unsafe rollercoaster like ride, and after they all survived it, even Bilbo, Thorin finally decided that you'd stop in the near by cave. You were relieved when you stopped there. The ring was so near.

When you set down to rest in the cave, Thorin was not only glaring holes to Bilbo, but to you too. Anger rose in you and you glared him back, showing your tooth's to him. This was like back in the cliff when you had turned to a dog. Only now Thorin didn't answer to you anger with anger. His face went to a frown and then sad. You didn't turn away. You hid your tooth's, but kept glaring at him, and then Thorin gave up and turned to stare somewhere else like an alpha who just lost his position to another. You kept glaring at him few more seconds, before you set your head between your paws.

Then you noted, how Kili, who was sleeping next to you, looked at you, a little fear in his eyes. You started to wonder, if he was afraid of you. The more you thought of it, the more you started to feel quilt. You didn't want him to be afraid around you. When you turned to look at him and realized that he was still awake, you sighed. Kili had been one of the few who seemed to like you. You closed your eyes and then you stood up and headed to the exit, where Bofur was having his watch. He addressed you, but didn't say anything. You could be leaving for all he knew. You set down next to the rocky wall, looking out to the rain.

You weren't sure how long you had been awake, laying there staring to the rain. You awoke from some sort of haze when you heard Bofur's voice. You turned to see Bilbo standing next to you, looking at Bofur and sighing. Then you were about to turn away but your eyes locked with Thorin, who was looking at you three. When Bilbo says, almost heartlessly, that dwarves do not belong anywhere, you and Thorin turn your gaze away.

"We'll neither do I, master hobbit" you say and lay your head back down. There is silence few seconds before Bofur suddenly points at Bilbo's swords and questions, what the blue light is. Goblin's had finally realized that they had "visitors" sleeping right on top of their door. When the floor starts to shatter under the company, Thorin panic's and tries to wake the company, a little too late. You all fall and fall until you drop to a well lighted cave. You had dropped on top of the company, thanking your luck. Soon you were shoved off them when the goblins came. Bilbo hid himself and you did the same, and if any of the goblins saw you, they didn't care enough to take you with them.

After the company disappeared with the goblins, Bilbo turns to you and lets out a sigh. He seemed to be happy that you were with him. He scratches your head and when you both finally turn to follow the company and the goblins, a lonely goblin attacks to Bilbo, causing to both of them to drop down from the bridge. Panicking a little you ran to the edge and gaze down, not seeing them anymore. You knew he should be fine, but what if he got hurt. Or what if Gollum hurt him, or if he didn't even find the ring? You wondered, if you should follow him. But what if you'd get hurt?

Then you turn your gaze to where the company had been taken. You could follow them, you could still catch the dwarves scent. But Gandalf should be there sooner or later, saving them. If he would even come. Your heart was pounding and you had hard time to decide, would you follow Bilbo and leave the company on their own, or follow the dwarves and leave Bilbo on his own.

Tag list;

@lidda @bee-wrecker @queendarkmuffin @silencegetawayfromme@kettnerjanea @sdavid09 @ealasaid @jumpingmanatee @fab-notfat @bae-kage @fricking-ghoul @k-youre-a-fantasy @dumbgopher1 @maddybeck01 @naminalati @leah-halliwell92 @evyiione @tschrist1

Those who I couldn’t, from some reason, tag in this, have been marked in bold

[funkydoommachine]

Sonic Forces Review: Stop Comparing it to Mania

So I recently played Sonic Forces on the PS4, and while I did enjoy it, there were some things about it I have to address, as well as some other things around it.

Spoilers contained, so press on if you either finished the story or don’t care about spoilers.

STORY

Alright, so the basic plot is this; Eggman is so fed up with Sonic beating him that he ‘gets serious’ and unleashed a brand new weapon on the world. Sonic is called to action during an attack and this new weapon, named Infinite, goes Brock Lesnar on Sonic and beats him. We’re next told (through text) that Eggman had easily taken over the world with Sonic out of the way, and for the past six months an underground resistance has formed to try and take the world back. So Sonic (who is actually alive, gasp), the Avatar (I’ll get into this later), and Classic Sonic (for whatever reason he’s here too) have to work together to defeat Eggman and bring the world back to peace.

The plot isn’t really groundbreaking, but this is Sonic the Hedgehog, I’m not expecting George RR Martin levels of writing. The plot is simple enough, the dialogue is nice and cheesy (and lacking in any PS2-era Shadow the Hedgehog angst). It’s a dumb little ride and I enjoyed it, even if it was a little short and I would have liked to see more cutscenes instead of text windows.

CHARACTERS

If you ask me, the characters are at their best written and performed in Forces. The voices match the characters perfectly (Vector is up for debate) and their lines are delightfully corny. Eggman has gone back to his roots of ‘legitimate threat who is quite menacing with only a little humour’ instead of the complete joke he’s been presented as for the last few games before. Sonic still has his 90s cool kid wit, and to be honest I’m fine with it. It’s how I know Sonic, and I’d rather have this instead of some bland edgelord. And speaking of bland edgelords, even Shadow is better performed this time, with Kirk Thornton giving him much more emotion and even a few sassy lines here and there in his DLC.

The game’s main villain is Infinite, a jackal who was head of a mercenary squad before turning full on edgelord with (surprisingly cool) virtual reality powers provided by the Phantom Ruby. He’s edgy to the point of parody, and you can tell that’s what the team was going for when creating him, and you can’t help but enjoy the copious amounts of teenage angst that ooze out of him like he was sweating a Simple Plan album.

But the star of the show, and the main selling point of the game, is the Avatar. Your OC. The newest member of the resistance. The Avatar only speaks in vocal grunts, but is actually a very important part of the plot, and the holds the key to defeating Infinite in the form of a Phantom Ruby shard which messes up his powers. I’ll get more into the OC below.

Some levels, when you beat them, will occasionally have an SOS signal coming from them. These are extra missions that require you to either take control of another player’s Avatar or to rescue a fellow resistance member. These aren’t mandatory of course, only for a bit of extra challenge and experience. Bonus levels also pop up depending on how well you do, and you can also beat them for extra accessories. Neato.

GAMEPLAY

The gameplay is the standard fair it’s been for the past few instalments, with a lot of Boost2Win, but it’s not nearly as bad as it used to be. Modern Sonic’s levels are quite varied, with different paths depending on how skilled and eagle-eyed you are. Boosting (which is provided by Wisps and defeating enemies in Forces) is a double-edged sword, where you’re penalised for using it in the wrong areas and not paying attention. You can tell when you’re allowed to boost since Wisp pods will be provided, but even then it’s still a blast to just rush through and plow down enemies like toilet roll.

As I mentioned earlier, Classic Sonic is back. I have no idea why they brought him back, but here he is. And to be honest, it’s as shoehorned as it sounds. The gameplay for Classic is pretty janky, with floaty jumps making some parts of platforming difficult to navigate. The speed boost doesn’t last nearly as long from what I’ve noticed, the drowning countdown has shortened to the point where an asthmatic could hold their breath longer than him, and to be honest he slows down from high speed very quickly. I mean I guess he still has the Mania jump dash (oh yeah, forgot to mention this Classic Sonic is the Sonic from Mania, because for some reason they had to tie the two games together).

After beating the first level, you have the opportunity of creating your own character, choosing between a dog, wolf, rabbit, bird, cat, bear, or hedgehog (guess which one is popular amongst kids and memers), with each species actually having its own unique perk, such as birds having a double jump and wolves able to attract nearby rings like a Sonic 3 thunder shield. As you beat levels you collect more clothing and accessories for your donut steel, and achieving S-ranks and completing side missions nets you even more stuff. There’s even an experience system for each species, which gets you even more accessories. The OC controls quite well, with responsive controls and opting for a grappling hook attack instead of a homing attack, and the lack of a jump attack is replaced by Wispons; weaponized Wisps that you can swap out on the fly before each level. There’s a wide variety of Wispons, including Burst that fires a flamethrower attack and allows a frequent jump when powered up, and a lightning one that uses an electric whip attack and lets you use the ring dash. Completing side quests unlocks Wispons with side-effects, including a shield and starting with rings. Changing Wispons is required for different paths and collectables. In some levels, Sonic and the Avatar will team up and you can control between the two simultaneously, combining their powers to create Captain Planet get through different challenges. Some parts include a Double Boost section, which after a quick button mash, lets you plow through enemies while cheesy butt rock cheers you on.

MUSIC

One thing many can agree on is that the only consistently good part about Sonic games is the soundtrack, and Forces is no exception. The theme song, Fist Bump, is a delightfully upbeat and corny butt rock tune that you can’t help but smile when you listen to. Especially if you’re a Hoobastank fan. Infinite’s theme song (named, well, Infinite), performed by Dangerkids, is Ow the Edge in all the best ways. The nu-metal inspired track includes lyrics talking about how cool and awesome Infinite is, and it’s so hilariously catchy that you’ll likely fall in love with it unironically.

Modern Sonic’s music ranges from techno and dubstep-inspired beats to full-on punk rock chords that many fans know the 3D games for. Tempo and tone change depending on which part of the stage you’re on, which I love.

Classic Sonic, which once again goes for a chiptune-feel, is also enjoyable... for the most part. Green Hill’s bleeping goes so high at some points that it’s almost uncomfortable to listen to, but the tunes are all catchy and memorable.

The Avatar’s music, my personal favourite, opts for more techno and D&B inspired tracks, which include lyrics that reflect your poor Coldsteel’s thoughts while rushing through that particular stage. I love these ones, they’re a welcome change and it’s not all the time you get lyrics during an action stage, making me remember the good times of City Escape.

PROS AND CONS

I know I’ve mostly been singing this game’s praises so far, but of course it definitely has its flaws. But the game does try to make up for them.

The story, and the levels, feel far too short compared to previous titles. There are thirty stages, not including bonus levels, and a lot of them feel like they were beaten in a flash. When you know what you’re doing, you can beat most of them in circa 2 minutes each. Granted, the levels were designed by newcomers to the format, and for their (I assume) first go, they did quite well. Plenty of branching paths and secrets to look for, and the secret/bonus levels provide plenty of challenge.

The Avatar creation leaves a bit to be desired, being unable to combine some accessories or change the colour of others, opting for just having a different set colour for the same thing. But again, this is the first time we’ve had this on an official Sonic game, and for the first try, I’m satisfied. Adding side-effects for species and Wispons provides plenty of replay value to make up for the short story.

The villains of the game are made up of Eggman, Infinite, Chaos from Adventure, Zavok from Lost World, Metal Sonic and Shadow. The last four are actually virtual reality projections created by Infinite’s powers, which I thought was a nice twist in the story instead of just having them brainwashed or whatever, but my gripe is you don’t get to fight Chaos or Shadow. It’s a shame, considering how fun they were to fight in previous titles, but the bosses we do have provide fun challenge. The final boss (Eggman in a giant robot, because thank god Eggman is actually the last boss again instead of Infinite hijacking the finale as all-powerful allies of Eggers tend to do) is a three-stage fight compiled of tactics mirroring previous bosses. Though I see this as the previous bosses warming you up for the finale, and the final boss did provide plenty of challenge. And in good Sonic fashion, you’re rewarded for using your abilities carefully and in the right moments in the form of doing more damage and a faster completion time.

FINAL WORD

As short as the main story was, Sonic Forces provides plenty of replay value in the form of extra challenges and character types that challenge you to find all the collectables and get all the S-ranks, which you are rewarded for with more things to bling out your Sonichu with. I still haven’t completely beaten it yet, despite having beaten the story in a few hours. Plus the DLC will be free, and for a AAA title, its RRP is pretty reasonable. I’d definitely recommend it if you’re a fan of the 3D stuff.

Now if we could stop comparing this game to a 2D platformer starring the same character but plays and looks completely differently and was made by a completely different team, that would be lovely.

People aren’t comparing Mario Odyssey to Super Mario Maker, so stop doing it here please.

FINAL SCORE

7 Chili Dogs out of 10

[amunetred]

Black and Blue

A/N: Chapter 2 of Leorai Week, Fantasy.  Be sure to read Chapter 1, Black and Blue first, because I’m writing my 7 days in the form of a consecutive short story. #blackandblue

Some days I’m sure I’ll lose to fate

Some days I cannot find my faith

But I just fight on

I just fight on

I just fight on baby

– Sia, Black & Blue

 Chapter 2

Fantasy

As he breeched the surface of the tunnel the flicker of red light, the flame, grew steadily brighter.  He climbed out, allowing more of the warm red glow toward my eyes. Then he hauled me up.  What I hadn’t expected, hadn’t had a chance to block as I climbed to my hands and knees, was his foot to my stomach sending me rolling across the cavern floor, smashing my head against a rock.  Then that flicker of firelight, extinguished….

“Are ya okay, human? Ya hit yer head on that tree branch pretty hard.”

What? Tree branch my ass, it was a damned rock.  I opened my eyes, prepared for the darkness of the cave, but the sky was bright, the sun- where the hell was the sun? Where was the rip in the universe? Where was the Dark?  

“Uh, if we’re going to catch the boat we need to keep moving.” A green, three-fingered hand thrust itself into my face.  “Here, let me help you up.”

My eyes locked on the familiar scar across his knuckles, my heart skipping beats as I lifted my gaze to meet eyes brighter than a neon sky. But something wasn’t right.  What the hell was Leonardo wearing?  A cowboy hat?  Carrying six shooters?  I scampered to my feet, quite unlike an elegant kunoichi. Dirt wafted into the air coating my- what the hell was I wearing?  The jeans were fine, but leather chaps?  Cowboy- I mean cowgirl boots?  As I dropped my gaze to a button down shirt and open tasseled leather vest, the brim of a hat slid down shielding my eyes.  Oh, what new hell is this?  

“Come on, human, we ain’t got all day.”  

Raphael?  My head snapped up, and I shoved the hat back, rebalancing it on my head.  Don’t know why I didn’t take the damn thing off, except that it did take the sharp white glow off things.  Oh gods, Raphael doesn’t look right either.  I took in the turtle wearing chain-mail and a clunky metal helmet.  Oh gods. Not just any metal helmet.  The Kuro Kabuto.  I swallowed hard.

“Get up, already.  Gees, I still don’t know why we gotta drag you along. It ain’t like yer a wizard-” Raphael pointed to Michelangelo, who wore a purple gown covered in large silver stars, wielding—Splinter’s staff.  My stomach turned.  What was this?  What was happening?  Had I gone mad?  Is this what April felt like, all crazy and confused? But Raphael pointed to her next. “Or useful like a psychic.”

The spunky redhead wore a yellow organza gown that reminded me of Belle from Beauty and The Beast, the ridiculous musical movie that was visually stunning, yet annoying at the same time.  But Michelangelo had insisted we sit through it.  

Raphael growled.  “Are ya even listenin’?  Good for nothing, human.  Not useful like turtle-genius over there.” He pointed to Donatello who looked… well exactly like Donatello.  Except for the horn-rimmed glasses.  What was that white bit between the lenses?  Had he taped them together?  

“And ya sure as shit ain’t a princess.”  Raphael half-bowed in a very I-just-entered-the-dojo sort of way, then mumbled a sad excuse for an apology.  “Sorry fer cursin’, yer Highness.”

Your highness?  

My eyes coasted over the wizard, the psychic, the genius, the warrior, and Leonardo’s outstretched hand- vaguely I wondered what role he played- then I lost a breath.

A white kimono, folded perfectly at the waist, covered in pink cherry blossoms beneath a slender neck, lead to the most beautiful oval face I’d ever seen.  My eyes filled. “M-mother?”  

“Don’t be ridiculous?  How hard ya hit yer head?”  Raph reached out to swat the back of my head and I lifted a hand to block him but found my reflexes too slow. What was wrong with me?  I wasn’t moving right.

Fortunately, Leonardo blocked Raphael’s attempt and offered me his hand again.  “As I was saying, we are all important.  Everyone serves a purpose.  Give me your hand, we’ll get you on your feet and still make our ship if we leave now.”

The entourage made their way, April first, then Donatello, Michelangelo, then Mother, Raphael, then Leonardo and I trailed behind.  What was my purpose?  I could sense I was no longer part mutant.  None of my serpent instincts present.  I had none of my kunoichi reflexes.  I glanced down at my waist.  I wasn’t even carrying guns, like Leo.  Though we were dressed the same.  

I glanced from side to side, to the square and rectangular buildings that resembled something out of a western movie.  I wouldn’t know that much about their appearance had Raphael not insisted we watch westerns to begin with.  Ugh.  Too much television.  

At the end of the dirt road was a river, a long white ship with masts spread as though there was wind in them, though no breeze blew. We were the only passengers, boarded together and spread about as we set sail on a windless sea.  

Leonardo was tying a rope to something I could not see. But he was there, fit and beautiful, younger than I knew we were.  He glanced at me beneath the brim of his hat, a semi-smile curving one corner of his mouth before he looked away.  I was set to approach him, to try to talk to him, but what would I say?  Why have you turned your back on your family?  On me?  I love you.  Come back with me.  Come home. But this wasn’t the Leonardo I was struggling with, nor was it the one I knew and loved, and yet he was at the same time.  My feet inched toward him like magnets propelled by a force I could not stop, yet I resisted because this made no sense and it was futile.

The ship landed and the crew formed their marching line again, down the ramp into another town.  This one had a corral right by the shore, with hay bales stacked near a post board fence, men trying to sell guns offering different models up for target practice.  Leonardo tipped his hat at me then bowed before the princess- my mother.  “Ma’am I have some business to attend to.  I will rejoin you later?”

She nodded graciously and he ventured toward the market.

As I followed the procession deeper into the city a strange sensation began to build.  My feet wanted to gravitate to Leonardo, yet my hands ached to connect the people ahead of me and bind them together somehow.  

This city was different, carved of white stone, sculptures of turtles where gargoyles might rest.  The statue of a rat- Splinter- my father, in the center of town square.  

“We have to find it.  It’s here somewhere.” Donatello pointed East, to a building with giant columns resembling a museum. “Should we spread out and search, Majesty? Perhaps the archives will hold a clue.”

Michelangelo pointed Splinter’s staff toward the South, the sea calm waters below.  But it was the stars glowing above in a daytime sky that he spoke of.  “We should follow the constellations.  They know the way.”

Raphael, even in a knight’s armor still wielded his sai, pointing one toward darkness in the North.  “We’ll find it beyond the battle.  They’ve taken it, I know they have.  But I can get it back.  Send me, your Highness, I can get it back.”

April let out a grunt as she squint her eyes and rubbed her brow.  “I’m sensing something there to our West.  It’s there.  I-I can-feel it.”

My mother was silent, never spoke a word as she looked to me.

Hell if I knew which way to go.  I didn’t even know what we were looking for.  I swallowed hard.  She was so beautiful, her lashes long and dark over gentle brown eyes.  I opened my mouth and a question popped out. “What is it you’re looking for?”

She didn’t answer, only smiled.

My heart was galloping.  Whatever she wanted I would help her find it.  She tipped her head toward April, who began leading us toward a white arbor, woven with bright red roses.  She stepped through but I didn’t see her come out the other side. Donatello went next, then Raphael, Michelangelo, then my Mother.  A great sense of dread enveloped me as I approached what should be a garden entry.  I realized the world had fallen silent. There was no echo over the town, not from the men target practicing, not from the people shopping, coming and going. I looked around.  All of the townsfolk stood still as if paralyzed.  Leonardo turned as I glanced toward the range, his eyes meeting mine.  He was far enough away that I shouldn’t have been able to hear him.  Yet I did.

“Go on.  You’re more powerful than you think.”

I don’t know why I believed him, maybe my brain didn’t, but my heart knew.  My blood burned, my heart pumping hard as I approached the arbor, peering into the blinding white beyond.  I stepped through, blindly, knowing I was only human and had no power, but believed the fool turtleboy who’d promised me otherwise.

I tumbled downhill, noticing everything was varied shades of white and hard, the path beneath me marble that sparkled like diamonds. I landed on my butt in the center of a white circle, scanning the four white columned buildings but not seeing my friends- my family.  But I heard them screaming.  

“Help! Help us!”

Above me they were rising into the sky their bodies spread eagle, like skydivers in reverse.  They clawed at the air as clouds swirled above them at their center a black hole opening, surely to swallow them up.  

“Help!”

Only my mother never opened her mouth, while the rest screamed.  

My feet dragged across the marble but while my torso stretched toward the sky, I refused the pull.  Simply denied it.  My palm lifted to the sky, great energy building inside me, searching for a way out as my feet bound to the ground.  Warm white light appeared to outline my palm, it stayed there as I willed my family to me, slowly curling my fingers in as they drew nearer with every breath.  

Come back.  I’ve got you.  Stay with me. Please.

My mother was first, she reached for April, who reached for Donnie, who reached for Mikey, who reached for Raph.  But it was Mother’s fingers, her silken hand that interwove with mine.  

I had them.

Then my feet began to drag, the marble peeling away like soil beneath my boots, leaving grooves.  No.  I searched, looking behind me for something to grab onto.

There he was.

Leonardo’s hand grasped mine and I was complete.  “I’ve got you.  Hold on, you’re more powerful than you know.”

My eyes were wet, my breath fleeting as I gasped.  “You keep saying that. H-how do you know?”

He smiled and I wished it were real.  Wished it true.  That he was there with me and I could touch him, feel the strength of him as he literally grounded me.  “Because, you are their anchor, and I am yours.”

Then he and everything around me, my mother, our family, were gone.

“Wake up, sleepyhead,” came a broken version of his voice.  One vacant of all that I loved in him.

There was something wet in my eyes as I opened them to the dim light of a torch.  A soft ember glow surrounding the vessel of our leader.  My love.  He was in there somewhere.  And if that dream led me to this nightmare it showed me one thing for certain along the way. The message was all backwards, all wrong.  Well partly. Because, I wasn’t our family’s anchor.

He was.  

Hopefully, I was his.

[lentils-writes]

Day 5: Pacific Rim AU

(well, this isn’t short at ALL, I’m sorry)

The LA Shatterdome is pretty new - it’s only been there for about a year, but so far it has two Jaegers (Sigma Hyperion and Corsair Atlas) and there’s talk of adding a third soon. It’s not Kara’s first choice of assignment, but apparently they need a physical trainer with Marines-level experience to work with the Rangers. So she takes the job and shows up at the Shatterdome on her first day, ready to go.

One of the LOCCENT controllers, Bobbi Morse, greets her. “Sergeant Palamas, good to see you,” she says, offering her hand. “I hope the trip here was satisfactory.”

“Fine,” says Kara. “Where to first?”

“This way. We’ll take you through the Shatterdome proper and show you the training room.” Morse leads her through the giant warehouse-style part of the building that houses the enormous Jaegers. They’re so big that Kara has to crane her neck and she still can’t see their heads. “That’s Sigma,” says Morse, pointing at a matte black Jaeger with a sleek design and an eagle-shaped decal on it, “and that’s Corsair.” Corsair is a deep shade of purple and looks like a linebacker.

Kara blinks up at them. “They’re...impressive,” she says. It’s an understatement, but anything would be.

Morse grins at her. “Would you believe me if I said you get used to it? Or at least, I do. We’ve only had a few missions so far, but it’s way better watching them in action. ‘Course, you’ll be working more closely with their pilots.” She gestures for Kara to follow her into the hallway at the other end of the room.

The training room is nice, with plenty of space for a couple dozen people to train comfortably. Kara glances around and nods approvingly. “What style are they used to?”

“I know Ranger May and Ranger Hartley were in the program together, they’re well-versed in kempo. Ranger Coulson I’m not sure of, he might have a mix of styles, and Hunter…” Morse pauses and shakes her head. “Full disclosure, Sergeant, Ranger Hunter is brilliant in a Jaeger, but he’s also lazy as hell.”

Kara snorts. “Sounds like the two of you have a history.”

“Ex-husband,” clarifies Morse, rolling her eyes. “If you hear him mentioning a demon or a she-beast, he probably means me. I’m perfectly capable of professional cordiality, but he on the other hand…”

“Noted,” says Kara, grinning. “I’ll push him. Anything else I should know about any of them?”

“May does yoga every morning at some ridiculous hour, so she’ll take pretty much anything you throw at her. They might have you work with the Strike Troopers too, they handle a lot of the on-the-ground stuff when Kaijus show up. Triplett and Johnson are the squad leaders, and they’ll have the best intel on what works for their squads.”

Kara nods. “Alright.”

She doesn’t actually meet the Rangers until lunchtime, when Morse herds her toward a table where four people are chatting amongst themselves. “Hey,” says Morse, “this is your new trainer, Sergeant Kara Palamas. Be nice.” Then she turns to go.

Kara glances after her, then sits down and gives the group a shaky smile. “Hi.”

“Hi,” says the white middle-aged balding man who offers a hand. “I’m Phil Coulson. Nice to meet you, Sergeant. Mel and I pilot Sigma Hyperion.”

One of the women, white with a bob cut, nods at her. “Isabelle Hartley.”

The other man, slightly younger than Coulson and with a neatly trimmed goatee, smirks. “Lance Hunter, at your service.”

The last woman, Asian with long dark hair, rolls her eyes at Hunter and then says “Melinda May.”

Kara nods, taking note of all the names. “So,” she says, feeling a little awkward. “Morse said we would probably be starting your training regiment tomorrow morning. You should know a little about me in the meantime. I grew up in the Chicago area, four point oh, all that jazz. I’ve been in the Marines for three years, stationed at Quantico before I was transferred here. I’ve trained in mixed martial arts and a variety of self-defense styles. Any questions?”

“Yeah, just one. Are you seeing anyone?” Hunter asks.

Isabelle elbows him roughly enough that he drops his forkful of potatoes. “Do you think you could keep your stupid questions to yourself for five minutes?”

Hunter pouts, but Kara just snorts and rolls her eyes. “I’m not, but you’re not my type.”

“You sure?”

“Presuming you’re a guy, yes,” replies Kara, enjoying the look of shock that flashes across his face. “I guarantee you are not the magical dude that will turn my lesbian self straight.”

She takes a sip of her water. The smirk on Melinda’s face is somehow the most satisfying part of the moment.

---

Kara gets used to her new routine. Every morning she’s up with just enough time to grab a bagel or some toast on the way out the door, arriving at the Shatterdome in time for an eight AM training session with the Rangers. Then she has another, less intensive training session in the afternoon with the Strike Troopers. May, Hartley, and Coulson work hard every morning, and Hunter...well, Kara nudges him and he eventually cooperates. He’s physically adept, but seems to prefer not doing work when possible. Kara’s working on it.

May’s great to spar with, though. She’s a little older than Kara and was in the Navy for a decade before starting the Jaeger program in its earliest years. This is her second Jaeger, after her first partner was killed during a mission in Hong Kong. Kara pieces these bits of information together through idle things that Melinda says, and then through some casual questions she asks Hartley.

“Her husband Andrew was her first partner,” Hartley tells Kara in the locker room one day after training. “She took it pretty hard. But she and Phil are incredible together. Hunter and I are pretty good, but they’re like next level.”

Kara wrinkles her nose. “So...are they…?” She can’t quite bring herself to finish the sentence.

Hartley laughs. “Fucking? No. I think sometimes Phil would like that, but I haven’t seen Mel date anyone since we all got here. She is into girls though, if you’re interested.” Hartley winks. “I am too, but I think my wife would have something to say about it if I said any more.”

Kara colors slightly. “I wasn’t- I-” She coughs. “I have to go report to Morse, excuse me.” Hartley’s laugh follows her out of the room.

Melinda doesn’t talk often, but she seems not to mind Kara’s company. Sometimes she’ll even opt to sit next to Kara in the mess hall. Kara doesn’t want to push anything, but she smiles at Melinda when she gets the chance. Once she gets daring and swipes an extra beer for Melinda, who smiles and says “Thanks.”

(As they’re all leaving the mess hall afterwards, Isabelle nudges Kara. “Nice one,” she mutters into her ear, grinning. “You’re really on her good side now.)

Kara almost forgets why they’re all there. Kaiju don’t seem like such a big concern when Melinda has such a nice smile.

Which means it’s all the more jarring when she’s awoken by a kaiju alert on her phone at four AM.

The alert directs all civilians to the nearest shelters, and all PPDC affiliates to the Shatterdome immediately. Kara throws on clothes in a heartbeat and, luckily, manages to snag a taxi and arrive within half an hour.

The Shatterdome is chaos. People are running everywhere and the alarm is going off nonstop. Kara’s unsure what to do, but then Morse dashes by her and says “C’mon, into the control room with me, you’ll be out of the way” and Kara follows.

Morse takes her place and immediately goes into work mode, ignoring Kara. That’s fine, Kara expected that. She just watches and listens - the Kaiju is a Category III and, since it looks vaguely serpentine, Morse christens it Hydra. Both Sigma and Corsair are being sent out to deal with it. The Strike Troopers have already been deployed, and the Jumphawk pilots are getting ready to take off with the two Jaegers. Kara scarcely knows where to look. She focuses on breathing.

She can barely see the four Rangers entering the Jaegers, tiny shiny figures in their drivesuits. Her heart’s beating fast enough that she can hear it - maybe everyone else in the room can too. She got four hours of sleep, but she’s so wired she feels like she might never sleep again.

Sigma and Corsair get dropped in the middle of the Pacific, a mile or so from Hydra. It feels like the entire room holds its breath as the Jaegers walk toward the kaiju. This is their third outing together, and by this point the teams work almost seamlessly together. Corsair, as the bulkier Jaeger, goes first to basically act as the battering ram. Sigma is smaller, lighter, and a little faster, so she hangs back to act as reserves.

Isabelle was right. Phil and Melinda’s Jaeger moves effortlessly, despite the waves pushing back against it and the inherent clunkiness of a giant metal mecha. Kara’s seen tapes of other Jaegers, of course (who hasn’t) but she’s captivated.

Then they reach the monster.

Its long neck strikes out, aiming for Corsair’s head, but the Jaeger intercepts it with an enormous fist that sends the kaiju reeling. Enraged, it opens its mouth to roar and lunges - which is when Sigma comes in from the side. The kaiju has the advantage of limberness, but the Jaegers outnumber it. Sigma’s palm, equipped with gamma blasts, fires at Hydra, mostly missing it but leaving parts of its skin scorched.

For awhile it seems like the Jaegers have it under control. Then, suddenly, Hydra whips its head around and smacks directly into Corsair, which slowly, horribly tips backwards into the ocean.

“Fuck!” hisses Morse. “Rescue boats, get out there! Get them out! Now!”

She keeps shouting orders to Sigma, since Hydra is still fighting, but Kara barely hears her over the roaring in her ears. She’s terrified equally for Melinda and Phil and Isabelle and Hunter. But Melinda...oh god, Melinda…

She could turn and walk out of the control room, hide somewhere until all this was over, but she forces herself to stay and watch. Hydra is trying to get behind Sigma and knock it over the way it knocked over Corsair, and none of the screens show what’s happening with the rescue teams. Morse calls, “Chain! Use the chain!”

Kara has no idea what she’s talking about, but then a giant chain slips from somewhere under the mecha’s exoskeleton and Sigma’s using it to wrap around Hydra’s throat and choke it out. Then it’s all over.

There’s a cheer in the control room, but it’s subdued. Morse gets on the radio to contact the rescue boats. They managed to retrieve both Hunter and Hartley, who are still alive, but Hartley’s arm was crushed and Hunter’s barely breathing. Meanwhile, Phil and Melinda check in, exhausted but okay. Morse deploys another Jumphawk team to retrieve them.

Technically, everyone can leave once the kaiju threat’s been dealt with, but no one wants to until they hear for sure about Hartley and Hunter. It’s a tense couple of hours until they know anything, during which Phil and Melinda return to the Shatterdome and are greeted with half-hearted high fives rather than the typical jubilation. They don’t seem to mind, though - they both look haunted.

Kara pushes through the crowd to get to them (just to check in physically, she tells herself). She’s prepared to say something professional - “good work,” maybe, or “are either of you hurt?” Instead, she starts to say something, chokes, and sort of falls against Melinda in the world’s most unplanned embrace.

After half a second to absorb how nice Melinda feels against her, she freezes. “Shit,” she mutters, quickly letting go. “I’m, I’m so sorry, May, I-”

She’s unprepared for the feeling of Melinda throwing her arms around her. “Don’t apologize,” murmurs Melinda. “Don’t you dare apologize, Kara.”

Kara swallows what’s suddenly a huge lump in her throat and clings just as tightly to Melinda as Melinda’s clinging to her.

---

The doctors have to amputate Hartley’s arm, which she’s remarkably relaxed about. Kara and the others are able to see her relatively soon after her surgery, once she’s conscious. “At least it was the left one,” Hartley says with a lopsided shrug. “I need the other one for...important things.” She smirks at her wife, Victoria, who rushed over as soon as the shelters were opened.

“You’ll be too busy resting to do any of those things,” scolds Victoria. “I’m not letting you out of bed for weeks.”

“Ooh, sounds hot,” teases Hartley.

Melinda rolls her eyes. “Well, I see you didn’t lose your sense of innuendo.”

“Oh, you like it when she does it,” grunts Hunter. He’s still laid up too, since quite a bit of water got into his lungs and they want to be sure his breathing stays consistent.

Melinda ignores him. “You both scared us.”

“Yeah, we had no idea you went down at first,” Phil says. “We just focused on beating the bastard as quickly as we could.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Hunter says, but he’s smiling. “Taking all the credit when we’re the true heroes here. Izzy left a piece of herself in the ocean, for Christ’s sake!”

“How about all of you are heroes,” Kara says with a snort.

“Agreed,” says Melinda, giving her a smile, which makes Kara’s chest do something funny.

“Anyway,” Phil says, “we should probably let the two of you rest, huh?”

“I’m fine,” Isabelle says, but her eyelids are drooping.

“Go on,” says Victoria, resting her hand on Isabelle’s shoulder. “I’ll keep an eye on them. You three have been here since the attack, you should go eat.”

Suddenly, Kara’s stomach reminds her that she hasn’t eaten in hours. “Oh,” she says, almost absently. “We should eat, yeah.”

“C’mon,” says Phil. “I hear they’re keeping the mess hall open longer to celebrate. I mean, it’ll be the same slop it always is, but maybe they’ll give us an extra helping.”

He walks ahead of them, and once he’s not looking, Melinda brushes her hand gently against Kara’s before grabbing it. Kara feels her face get hot, which is ridiculous - what is she, a teenager? But she turns to smile at Melinda all the same, and Melinda smiles back.

[flauntpage]

Your Wednesday Morning Roundup

At least the Eagles didn’t trade a first round pick for a ‘meh’ wide receiver.

With the trade deadline approaching, Howie Roseman did make a Tuesday move by acquiring wide receiver Golden Tate from the Detroit Lions for a third round pick. Although he’s 30 years old, he’s an explosive wide receiver that’s very similar to Nelson Agholor.

With Tate on the Birds, the team now has three slot receivers (Agholor, Jordan Matthews, and Tate). What will happen with Agholor? Will he be moved back to the outside? Will Tate go to the outside?

I was happy with the acquisition, but thought there were bigger holes to fill elsewhere. Maybe a defensive back? But if Tate proves he was worth the pick and then some, like Jay Ajayi a year ago, then all will be good, especially with Carson Wentz looking like he’ll have a career year.

To make room for Tate, Bruce Hector was waived.

The Roundup:

After beating the Hawks Monday night, everything looked to have been fine for the Sixers entering their matchup against Toronto. Until the game happened and the Raptors dominated for a 129-112 win.

Joel Embiid had 31 points and 11 rebounds for a double-double. That was expected. Ben Simmons had a near triple-double, which was also expected. But it was a disappointing stat-line of 11 points, 10 assists, and eight boards with a career-high 11 turnovers. Kawhi Leonard did a great job shutting him down and added 31 points to his effort. Would’ve been nice if the Sixers got him.

To add, Markelle Fultz scored eight points on 3-of-10 shooting. They’ll host the Clippers Thursday night.

Off the court, the team unveiled their new “City Edition” uniform, which is honestly a really big advertisement for the Creed II film.

Caesars Entertainment is partnering with the Sixers (and the Devils).

The Flyers got a much-needed win last night in Anaheim as they defeated the Ducks 3-2. Sean Couturier and Ivan Provorov scored earlier in the game, with Claude Giroux assisting on both tallies.

But Nolan Patrick got the game-winner with 1:51 left off an Oskar Lindblom feed for a very important win.

Brian Elliott had a good night in the crease by stopping 23 of 25 shots.

Up next on this road trip is a Thursday night battle against the Los Angeles Kings.

In other sports news, Wing Bowl is done.

The Palestra has been branded. And the name sucks.

Elsewhere in the NFL trade deadline, the Redskins acquired Ha Ha Clinton-Dix, the Rams got Dante Fowler Jr, and the Texans got Demaryius Thomas.

The first College Football Playoff rankings are out.

Here’s the full #CFBPlayoff Top 2⃣5⃣ rankings for games played through October 27.

Is your team in?

pic.twitter.com/CnmGi1MMVx

— College Football Playoff (@CFBPlayoff) October 30, 2018

Maryland football head coach DJ Durkin has been reinstated.

Giants backup quarterback Kyle Lauletta was arrested Tuesday morning.

In the news, Great Valley High School’s principal resigned after he was arrested on theft and drug charges after stealing medicine from the nurse’s office.

Whitey Bulger was killed in a West Virginia prison.

Apple unveiled a new iPad and new Macs.

The post Your Wednesday Morning Roundup appeared first on Crossing Broad.

Your Wednesday Morning Roundup published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

[junker-town]

NFL confidence rankings for the 14 teams in the playoff picture

Denny Medley-USA TODAY Sports

The postseason field is almost set with one week to go. Geoff Schwartz weighs in on which teams are most, and least, trustworthy right now.

Well, we are almost at the finish line. All that’s left is one HUGE Monday Night Football game between the Green Bay Packers and Minnesota Vikings, plus an entire slate of Week 17 games before the end of the regular season is here. The playoff picture is nearly complete, with almost every team accounted for heading into this final week.

How confident should we be in the playoff teams? I’ll let you know. Here are my rankings, by conference.

AFC playoff teams, from most to least confident

1. Baltimore Ravens

They wrapped up the No. 1 seed in the AFC with a win at the Cleveland Browns. It wasn’t pretty, as the Ravens were down 6-0 for almost the entire first half. But, as the Ravens have done this season, when they started to score, it happened quickly. Paired with their defense, the Ravens will be an extremely hard out in the AFC.

If you want to worry about the Ravens, only two things come to mind. First is injuries. We saw Mark Ingram and others limp off the field Sunday. However, the Ravens won’t have anything to play for next week and they have a bye week in the playoffs, so everyone should be healthy by the Divisional Round.

Secondly, the players just don’t have a lot of experience in this moment. Currently, there are only a handful of players who’ve been on teams that’ve made long runs into the postseason. Earl Thomas, Marshal Yanda, and Ingram come to mind. While I’m not sure this will matter, it’s something to note. Otherwise, the Ravens should be the favorites to win the conference

2. Kansas City Chiefs

It’s not because of their offense, either. Their defense is crushing it lately. Since the bye week, here’s how many points they’ve allowed each game (all wins):

9 vs. Raiders

16 vs. Patriots

3 vs. Broncos

3 vs. Bears

Their defense has been attacking, physical, and multiple. The Chiefs send pressures from everywhere, and Tyrann Mathieu has been a huge boost to this unit throughout the season. Now add in Terrell Suggs, and this defense is just getting right.

Their offense is steady, and Patrick Mahomes has looked more like the Mahomes we have come to know and love. He’s stepping into throws again and not bailing out of the pocket. The Chiefs will be a contender in the playoffs.

3. New England Patriots

The best offensive output the Patriots have had in almost two months came Saturday against an extremely stout Bills defense. The Patriots’ offense was a blueprint of what they did in their playoff run last year: control the line of scrimmage, and mix in screen passes and some clever backfield action. Hit open WRs and move the chains. Stay out of third-and-long.

That formula can win in the playoffs, and with a likely home game in the Divisional Round, how can you bet against them? The issue with this formula is things need to go as planned. The defense has to play extremely well. New England needs to force a turnover or two, and have a good special teams play. Can the Patriots go up and down the field with the Chiefs or Ravens? I’m not sure. But I’m not sure I’d bet against them, either.

4. Tennessee Titans

I know they need a win against the Texans, or have the Steelers lose next week, to even get into the playoffs. But once they get in, the Titans are a team you don’t want to face. They are just dangerous enough to sneak up on someone, especially the Chiefs. They run the football, which has been the Chiefs’ Achilles’ heel for years now.

Ryan Tannehill is not afraid of making the big play. The Titans’ defense would get eaten alive by the Chiefs, but something worries me just a tad about this team. Andy Reid is also 1-8 against the Titans in his career, and the last three games have been just weird as can be. There was their loss this season, plus the playoff loss when Marcus Mariota threw a TD pass to himself, and then the time the Tennessee kicker hammered a game-winning field goal with near-frozen temps in Arrowhead. So there’s some voodoo going on there.

5. Buffalo Bills

Their coaching is outstanding. Their defense is outstanding. Their special teams is outstanding. Their quarterback is limited. In his last three games against good defenses — like the ones he will see in the playoffs — Josh Allen has gone 43 of 90 for fewer than 500 yards. That’s not winning games.

However, because Allen will hit a home run twice a game, along with the reasons listed above, I like them better than the division-winning Texans.

6. Houston Texans

The Texans feel like the Cowboys of the AFC. They do just enough to be competitive, but they also pose no threat in the playoffs. They aren’t well coached, and they’ve won eight games by a touchdown or less. If they aren’t careful, the Bills will head into Houston in the Wild Card Round, in what is surely the early Saturday game, and beat them.

I just don’t have any faith in the Texans.

NFC, playoff teams, from most to least confident

1. San Francisco 49ers

The 49ers head to Seattle next weekend with the NFC West and the No. 1 seed on the line. The Seahawks will be without several running backs and their left tackle. They are also coached by Pete Carroll, who I trust zero percent to make the right in-game decision.

The Niners’ offense has been fine lately, but their defense (with injuries) has not been close to the same unit that started the season. Part of that, of course, is playing a much tougher schedule.

I expect the 49ers to win and lock up homefield, which means they can avoid playing in New Orleans or Seattle in the playoffs.

2. New Orleans Saints

If the Saints had homefield advantage, they’d be clearly my No. 1 team in the NFC. However, while the Saints have played well on the road this season, they are 1-5 on the road in the playoffs with Drew Brees under center.

Otherwise, I love the Saints. They are deadly on offense and have plenty of ways to beat you. Injuries are concerning me just a tad on defense, but I like that unit. They are balanced, ranking 10th against the run and ninth against the pass, per Football Outsiders.

Also, the Saints have ended the last two seasons in terrible fashion: the Minneapolis Miracle and the no-call PI against the Rams. It feels like they are due for some luck.

3. Minnesota Vikings

I’m doing more projecting here, because this is assuming the Vikings beat the Packers. That would mean Kirk Cousins has finally won a Monday Night Football game, which I understand could be a tough ask. But, that’s why they pay him $84 million.

The reason I like the Vikings is they are a complete team. They are ranked seventh in offense and sixth on defense. They can do it all. So if they can get over this hurdle Monday night, I think it opens them up mentally, and they will feel confident heading into the playoffs.

4. Seattle Seahawks

They are injured. They have horrendous offensive gameplans and game management. If Pete Carroll hadn’t won a Super Bowl and almost won another, the criticism for how he manages a game could get him fired. Why they don’t put the offense in Russell Wilson’s hands more is beyond me. It’s criminal. This is why I don’t trust them.

When they officially get the No. 5 seed, I’ll trust them even less.

5. Green Bay Packers

I do not buy the Packers at all, but they are in the playoffs. What do the Packers do well? Not much, right? Their offense has spurts where it’s fantastic, but then it disappears for long stretches. The defense is just OK.

The ONLY reason they’d be able to win multiple playoff games is Aaron Rodgers going on some freaky run.

6. Philadelphia Eagles

Well, someone had to win the NFC East and the Eagles are standing — well, barely. The Eagles are so banged up there’s no chance they can compete for a Super Bowl at the moment.

Nonetheless, they’ve won the games needed, including their win over the Cowboys Sunday. They should wrap up the division with a win against the Giants in Week 17. They deserve credit for that.

As a refresher, here’s what the playoff standings look like before Monday Night Football in Week 16:

AFC:

Baltimore Ravens (13-2)**

New England Patriots (12-3)**

Kansas City Chiefs (11-4)**

Houston Texans (10-5)**

Buffalo Bills (10-5)*

Tennessee Titans (8-7)

NFC:

San Francisco 49ers (12-3)*

New Orleans Saints (12-3)**

Green Bay Packers (11-3)*

Philadelphia Eagles (8-7)

Seattle Seahawks (11-4)*

Minnesota Vikings (10-4)*

*clinched a playoff spot **clinched division

[rhystheceo]

that ffxv review I owed y’all

I know I told y’all I’d have this up before the end of 2016 but honestly, I’ve just haven’t been in the mood. today tho /inhales deeply/ today is a perfectly salty day for this.

(spoilers ahead, of course)

tbh, I don’t even know where to start. ffxv was shock full of potential but somehow, square managed to fall short in pretty much EVERY front.

I’ll start with maybeee the easiest part, characters: this need to be broken down into two distinct groups tho cos holy crap, people.

main characters: despite ignis’ lack of everything during the game (he was definitely the least worked character), the main bros are great. I loved their bond, I’m forever grateful that we never actually got a no homo moment and honestly, there isn’t a single one of them that is just straight up unlikeable - tho I DO have my issues with Gladio. oh boy, DO I HAVE THEM.

point is, yeah, they’re great. they are also in need of more background, except noctis.

‘but bekas, we had brotherhood!’ yeah we did, but would it have hurt to have some banter with prompto, wondering if his parents’ made it out okay of insomnia? we know they weren’t at home when prompto went to try and show them his crownsguard outfit (which we also only know from ANOTHER extra piece of media that is not the bloody game) but they could have been in the city, still? prompto literally never worries, or is never given the chance to. at this point, I’m guessing the argentum family (who adopted him at age 1) is made up of ghosts. that or prompto doesn’t care, which is laughable, since that little ball of sunshine cares about everything. so it’s just missing info. plus, the MT plotline? an UTTER MESS but I’ll get there further down the post.

what about gladio? ‘but bekas, he’s the royal bodyguard, he needs to have his head in the game!’ royal bodyguard didn’t have his head in the game twice during the campaign and is given NO opportunity to open up about WHY. example: he could have shown the tiniest bit of concern/mourning over his father during the titan chapter. I mean, it couldn’t have been too hard to shoe in a line or two, just anything to let the less eagle eyed players know that one of the reasons why he’s flying off the handle is because he’s also dealing with his father’s passing, right? chapter 10 is another can of worms: would it have hurt to have gladio actually tell us WHY he’s being a giant mountain of salt instead of having him nearly punching noctis out of his boots and being an absolute ass to ignis (and no, I don’t care about possible excuses you might send my way: when he answers ignis’ “that proved to be a challenge” with a salty/rude “what did you expect” to which ignis can only sigh, all understanding I might have felt just went completely out of the window cos WOW. NO, YOU ASSHOLE.)? ‘but bekas, we kinda know why, everything went to hell?’ true but we never get to hear gladio open up. EVER. THAT’S WHAT’S MISSING HERE, an oportunity to show that gladio is more than the bloody shield, he’s a human with feelings too. this way, it’s really hard to sympathize with him and that’s where square screwed up.

ignis then, he needed a lot more. he’s always there, he’s the group’s pillar but he barely has any exposition? I mean, we barely know anything from his early life (yeah yeah, trains to be advisor, learns how to cook cos of noctis but what else? there has to be something else, right??) and he barely has an actual part in the game besides being the advisor until shit hits the fan? I mean, he gets blind in chapter 9 and then blows up at gladio and noctis in 10 so we get a peek at what is going on with him but that’s literally it, he doesn’t get to express it any more. it almost as if his role was to be yet another victim of ardyn to fuel noctis’ rage cos post chapter 10, it’s almost as if he didn’t need to be there. ignis scientia deserved better 2kforever.

side characters: /BURIES FACE IN HANDS, GROANS FOR FOREVER/ YOU KNOW, WE GOTTA BEAT THE DEAD HORSE A LIL’ MORE. WE GOTTA. F E M A L E S.

gentiana was just. there. in a couple scenes. to be a plot device. explain some lore to young!noctis/the players, give him the oracle’s trident, become one of the summons and pop up in a couple photographs cos why not?

iris is the little sister, too smol, too cute, too in love with noctis to be anything else in the main game. THEN they give her a badass rank off screen and lmao, never mention her or show her ever again. nice.

aranea has more characterization than luna AKA the main lady and that says everything tbh. still, her change of mind is never given the proper attention it deserves and so it ~just happens~ and the players have to roll with it cos of course they have. also, she pops up randomly to help you for some reason. wherever you might be in the globe as well, cos she has amazing tracking abilities. /snaps fingers/ just. like that. aranein, araneout, no small talk.

LUNA. oh my GOD, luna. girl shows up more times in FLASHBACKS post-death than in life. her lines could fill up a whole page, if it was written in arial, size 18 and with extra distance between words. she was the plot device to end all plot devices, just THERE to give noctis strength and then fuel his hate against ardyn, just like ignis. except she dies to save noctis. cos of course she does. oh, and she was dying already, apparently. the covenant price and all, which I honestly only realized was a thing after browsing through tumblr. A+ STORYTELLING /JAZZ HANDS/ also, she’s what connects noctis and ravus, two characters that were supposed to be parallel to one another (AKA who noctis could have become had his life gone to hell as a kid and he had made all the wrong choices) but that never actually realize it was supposed to be that way cos they meet up twice and ravus is barely non existent oops~

‘but bekas, kingsglaive---’ kg!luna and xv!luna are two entirely different characters, not to mention that one should not have watch kingsglaive to understand the main game’s HEROINE. H E R O I N E. do y’all see my problem here?? luna was hailed as the heroine to end all heroines, that one character all the other heroines strive to be but can never reach but in the end, you can count the scenes luna has in the game before her death in one hand and one of them is OPTIONAL. OPTIONAL.

but then again, the males are also ??? ravus; what exactly is his deal, again? what is he trying to do, what is he even thinking?? ‘... bekas, square said they’ll add to chapter 13 soon---’ they SHOULDN’T HAVE TO. in what world, in what company meeting, do they come forward and say ‘x character needs to do thing in order to achieve that other thing cos their motive is that third thing’ and people just think it’s a-okay to skip straight to the ending cos lmao, it isn’t important? only to have fans tell them afterwards that err YES, IT IS? and only then do they get off their asses to let us know? it’s bad writing, TERRIBLE writing. one thing is not to act like your costumers are dumb but another to act like they an read your mind??

excuse me, but this just--- fast forwards to the main problem this game has and honestly, I’m done beating around the bush: it’s incomplete. final fantasy xv doesn’t know what the hell it is doing until chapter 11.

we start with the bros leaving insomnia to catch a boat to altissia, but everything goes to hell when insomnia falls and the king dies. then cor shows up, tells noctis he has to step up and, that to have a fighting chance, he needs to grab the royal arms and complete the armiger. okay, so far so good but THEN, surprise, luna has been going around the globe creating covenants with the gods so that they give noctis a chance to receive their marks (which couldn’t she have told noctis about in their notebook?? instead of having the guy GUESS why titan’s ugly ass mug kept yelling at him in his head?? umbra is a divine messenger, I’m pretty sure your message wouldn’t have been intercepted????) so off we go to accept ramus’ mark and then leviathan’s, COMPLETELY FORGETTING ABOUT THE PREVIOUS PLOTLINE OF THE ROYAL ARMS. It’s like it vanishes, forget the arms!!! we got gods, people!! then altissia goes to hell, luna dies, ignis is blind and they set off to gralea to grab the crystal, as if all of their other goals didn’t matter any more. they just grab the royal arm at the tomb cos it’s convenient, not cos it’s necessary.

only when we leave the mines and set off towards tenebrae does the game actually start to play out like it knows where it needs to go and how to get there and even then, it has hiccups: the entirety of ravus’ character arc, prompto is one of the people who were bred to become MTs (which lmao, happens so that prompto manages to open up a door, we have a few pats in the back and then is never mentioned again. EVER. no banter/scene in which these guys, who have been talking of MTs as soulless and machines and monsters, discuss the fact that prompto was to become one of them. if there was a chance he might be particularly affected by the scourge, given the experiments. how did he reach insomnia. if ardyn had done something to him that could have a problem given said experiences. NOTHING. ‘bekas, but is it really needed to, it’s meant to look like it’s really not a problem’ gladio fucking off for a chapter is not a problem, it’s just weird; prompto being revealed to be a niff and a test subject IS something that we need to discuss. it’s kind of a big plot point???? you don’t drop a bomb like that and vault over it.)...

then there’s 10 years that somehow square thinks it’s a-okay to cover with talcott filling noctis in and no?? no, it’s not? gladio is apparently engaged, ignis apparently still cooks for cid I guess??? prompto has been hanging around hammerhead for 10 years doing nothing besides hunting and we’re supposed to be fine with that offhand info? we needed at least one catching up scene and I mean, AN ACTUAL CATCHING UP SCENE. not noctis telling the others that they need to catch up, ignis suggests we go inside and we have a fade to black before you’re back in control of noctis and your mission objective is to leave for insomnia.

the fact that we never have a scene in which noctis tells his BROTHERS that his duty is to die and their duty is to make sure he gets there is unforgivable. it took him 10 years to come to terms with his duty (which brings me to another point which is--- nobody thought to tell the chosen one what exactly he was meant to do when he reached maybe 18 years old? so he could come to terms with it in time? noooo, just let him know he’s chosen for lord knows what and let the hammer fall when it has to, I’m sure the knowledge that everyone was hiding that important tidbit is not translated into betrayal somewhere in noctis, which totaaaally won’t make accepting his fate harder, I’m sure /SHRUG), are we supposed to believe that the bros would have been a-okay with it? no objections, no outbursts, nothing?

gladio I can see keeping his cool, maaaaybe ignis as well but prompto? he may have matured but I’m sure he had something to say about his bestfriend returning after 10 years and then telling him ten minutes later ‘I have to die’. and no, the final campsite doesn’t make up for it. at all. that’s an after-the-bomb-drops scene, we needed to watch the actual bomb dropping, in my honest opinion.

then when it comes to the actual game--- the sidequests are boring (it’s literally fetch x rock for dino/dyno/whatever, fetch tag for dave, hunt for frogs for frog lady, do hunts, fetch berry for diner lady, fetch x for takka, fetch x for cid and cindy, fish x fish, take x photo, help x chocobo... did I actually miss any sidequest??), the post game dungeons are literally copy paste of each other (except maybe 3 at most), pitioss is smart but mostly a nightmare for a lousy accessory, the game’s big ass boss is nothing but grinding (there are monsters in the dungeons that inflict more damage than the adamantoise and it’s ridiculous)...

all in all, the game IS fun to play. it is, I have nearly 150h in it, but in insight, it’s seriously lacking. you can tell the team was rushed to finish it and honestly, I understand why, but 6 more months would have done miracles in maybe 49% of all I mentioned here.

here’s to hoping the dlc that is to be released fixes some of these issues.

ps: if you think I forgot to mention anything, let me know cos at some point while writing this, I just lost track of my point in the salt valleys!

/bekas out

[josephlrushing]

Samsung Galaxy Note20 Ultra Camera Review: Great Photos, Good Videos, Giant Zoom

Samsung recently announced the Galaxy Note20 Ultra, and it packs a very interesting camera system. It’s similar to what Samsung offered on the Galaxy S20 Ultra earlier this year, but with a few key differences. Since I’ve been using the company’s latest flagship for a few days, I wanted to share my experience shooting photos (primarily) and videos. So what’s new, what’s different? Is it better, is it worse? Let’s dive in.

Hardware

The Note20 Ultra’s giant camera pod protrudes about as much as the S20 Ultra’s (2mm) but with a marginally smaller footprint. It’s also a lot more elegant, thanks to each lens featuring a visually striking circular accent. Gone is the gaudy 100x stencil next to the telephoto lens — that 100x zoom is barely usable on the S20 Ultra. Samsung only claims 50x zoom capability for the Note20 Ultra and doesn’t flaunt it.

You’ll find three cameras on the back of the Note20 Ultra — a 108MP main shooter, a 12MP ultrawide camera, and a 12MP telephoto shooter. There’s also a 10MP punch-hole selfie camera in front. Samsung replaced the S20 Ultra’s fourth rear camera, a ToF (time-of-flight) sensor, with a laser autofocus module on the Note20 Ultra — presumably to improve AF (autofocus) performance, which was an issue on the S20 Ultra.

For the main shooter, the Note20 Ultra and S20 Ultra share Samsung’s massive (1/1.33-inch, 0.8-micron pixels) 108MP HM1 sensor, which is able to “bin” (combine) 3×3 groups of nine pixels into larger 2.4-micron pixels for better low-light performance. The resulting pictures are 12 megapixels, but each pixel is more light-sensitive. Both phones also share the same main f/1.8 lens with OIS (optical image stabilization) and phase-detection AF.

Note20 Ultra – click a photo to open the gallery.

The 12MP f/2.2 1.4-micron ultrawide camera is also identical on both handsets, with a 120-degree FoV (field-of-view), but no autofocus. Obviously, it’s ideal for wide-angle photography, but Samsung also uses this lens for its Super Steady Video mode. The Note20 Ultra’s 10MP f/2.2 1.22-micron front shooter features phase-detection AF and is identical to the selfie camera in the more affordable S20 and S20+.

Eagle-eyed readers will have noticed that instead of the S20 Ultra’s 48MP 4x telephoto shooter, the Note20 Ultra packs a 12MP 5x telephoto. Both are folded (periscope) lenses with OIS, but have different optical magnification and apertures (5x f/3.0 on the Note20 Ultra vs. 4x f/3.5 on the S20 Ultra). The Note20 Ultra also uses a 12MP 1.0-micron sensor instead of the S20 Ultra’s 48MP 0.8-micron setup.

That’s probably why the S20 Ultra can zoom up to 100x (not that you should) vs. 50x on the Note20 Ultra. Regardless, don’t let the numbers fool you. The S20 Ultra’s 48MP telephoto sensor outputs 12MP images by binning 4 pixels into one. It’s only at extreme digital magnifications that you’ll benefit from the additional pixels, and only when there’s enough light. Conversely, the Note20 Ultra’s faster f/3.0 lens gathers more light.

Overall, the extra optical magnification (5x vs. 4x) could give the Note20 Ultra’s telephoto camera the edge over the S20 Ultra’s — digital magnification just isn’t as viable. But otherwise, these are very similar camera systems that represent today’s state of the art.

Software and features

The Note20 Ultra’s camera app will be familiar to anyone who’s used a recent Android flagship or iPhone. It’s the same interface you’ll find on most Samsung phones with One UI, and the same feature set as the S20 Ultra —  including night mode, manual (Pro) mode, super slow-motion, portrait (Live Focus) video, and hyperlapse. What’s exclusive to the Note20 Ultra is the new Pro Video mode — more on this later.

Single Take also carries over from the S20 series (and is now also available on the S10, Note 10, and Z Flip handsets). It captures several photos and videos over the span of 10 seconds (the duration is adjustable) and uses AI to pick the best shots and clips, apply filters, and create a montage. It’s clever — if somewhat gimmicky. While it’s not unique to the Note20 Ultra, it’s worth mentioning, since it’s exclusive to Samsung.

Photos

Let’s not mince words: the Note20 Ultra takes great pictures. Obviously, you’d expect nothing less from a $1300 flagship, but that doesn’t mean it’s perfect. The shooter on Google’s formidable $350 Pixel 4a generally captures more pleasing images, and still beats the Note20 Ultra in low light. That being said, I’m splitting hairs here. Samsung’s latest flagship is absolutely in the same league as Apple’s excellent iPhone 11 Pro.

Note20 Ultra telephoto (5x)

In daylight, the Note20 Ultra generally nails white balance and exposure both indoors and out, and it produces shots that look pleasantly saturated but still feel natural. There’s plenty of detail and dynamic range in these photos, without the oversharpening common to Samsung’s past handsets. By default, the main camera shoots at 12MP, but you can force it to take 108MP images if you want. It works well as long as there’s enough light.

Note20 Ultra zoom: ultrawide, main (1x, 2x), and telephoto (5x, 10x, 20x, 50x) – click a photo to open the gallery

The dedicated 5x 12MP telephoto is what sets the Note20 Ultra apart from most of the competition. I have access to several phones with folded (periscope) lenses, including Samsung’s S20 Ultra (4x 48MP), Huawei’s P40 Pro+ (10x 8MP), Oppo’s Find X2 Pro (5x 13MP), and Vivo’s X50 Pro (5x 8MP). Anything up to 10x zoom is going to look just fine with any of these cameras, but what happens beyond that?

Telephoto comparison: S20 Ultra vs. Note20 Ultra vs. P40 Pro+ at 10x, 20x, and 50x zoom – click a photo to open the gallery

  I decided to put the Note20 Ultra up against Samsung’s own S20 Ultra and Huawei’s P40 Pro+. As you can see, the photos look pretty good at 10x and quite decent at 20x, but they start getting crunchy at 50x. Overall, Huawei wins here thanks to its 10x telephoto and Leica optics. The P40 Pro+’s 8MP sensor is definitely running out of pixels at 50x, though. What’s more interesting, however, is that the Note20 Ultra does a slightly better job than the S20 Ultra.

Low light comparison: ultrawide, main (1x), and telephoto (5x) using auto vs. night mode – click a photo to open the gallery

The Note20 Ultra also takes nice pictures in low-light — even in full auto mode. Clearly, the ultrawide, telephoto, and selfie cameras benefit from night mode the most since their smaller aperture lenses gather less light than the main shooter. It’s also interesting that you can’t zoom past 10x in night mode. Regardless, I’m glad that Samsung made night mode available for each sensor since that’s not a given with other Android flagships.

It’s the same story when it comes to selfies. Here again, the Note20 Ultra holds its own. I’m impressed with Samsung’s selfie portrait mode (called Live Focus). It does a fine job of blurring the background without too many artifacts. Unfortunately, it only works with human faces, not animals or other objects. Then again, Live Focus on the main shooter works with pretty much anything — so your pet photos are covered.

Selfie comparison: auto vs. portrait mode – click a photo to open the gallery

Since the Note20 Ultra lacks a dedicated macro camera or autofocus on its ultrawide lens (which is how phones like the OnePlus 8 Pro snap closeup images), you can use 2x zoom and pull back to get the same effect. This even works in night mode. It’s also worth mentioning that with such a large main sensor (1/1.33-inch), the DoF (depth-of-field) is extremely shallow, which means closeup shots will often be partially out of focus.

Note20 Ultra main camera (macro)

Videos

The Note20 Ultra records stabilized video with stereo audio up to 8k 24fps, 4k 60fps, and 1080p 60fps with the rear cameras, and up to 4k 60fps and 1080p 60fps with the front shooter. But this comes with a lot of fine print. For example, you can only capture 8k or 60fps video with the main sensor. Maximum zoom is 6x at 8k, 10x at 60fps, and 20x otherwise. And you can’t zoom when recording video using the selfie camera.

Super Steady Video is limited to 1080p 30fps and lacks autofocus since it’s using the ultrawide lens. It works incredibly well as long as there’s enough light. The new Pro Video mode is similar to what LG and Sony have offered on some of their flagships. It supports up to 8k 24fps recording, includes a 21:9 (cinema) aspect ratio, and provides manual controls for everything from focus, to exposure, to white balance, to audio levels.

Samsung flagships usually shine at video recording, and the Note20 Ultra is no exception. The results are very good, but still don’t quite match what Apple brings to the table. As such, the iPhone 11 Pro is still the one to beat for video, despite being almost one year old.

Sample photos – click a photo to open the gallery

Verdict

It’s clear that Samsung’s done a great job with the cameras on the Note20 Ultra. This is absolutely one of today’s best flagship in terms of imaging performance, besting even the company’s own S20 Ultra by a very thin margin — thanks mostly to faster autofocus, a better telephoto, and that Pro Video mode. It’s exclusive to the Note20 Ultra, and my YouTube creator friends are just gonna love it.

But here’s the thing, if you can live without that awesome telephoto, the iPhone 11 (non-Pro) matches (photos) or surpasses (videos) the Note20 Ultra for $700. That’s about half the price. And if you don’t care as much about video recording and don’t mind giving up that sweet ultrawide, Google’s $350 Pixel 4a shoots better images than the Note20 Ultra. While most people aren’t cross-shopping these handsets, it’s food for thought.

  Source: Manufacturer supplied review sample

from Joseph Rushing https://geardiary.com/2020/08/18/samsung-galaxy-note20-ultra-camera-review-great-photos-good-videos-giant-zoom/