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#edit: will i ever be able to make a post without a typo
antennatoheaven · 11 months
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kirby games are so real for letting you heal your friends by giving them a little kiss everything in video games should be like that
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unspuncreature · 1 year
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a few weeks ago i was briefly possessed by the spirit of writing and spat out a mishmash of concept and ficlet at @renlyslittlerose, who took it all in stride and even encouraged me to post it!
i wanted to wait until i had the bandwidth to polish it, but with my limited time and energy these days, who knows when that will be.
instead, below the cut, i’ve copied the exact original messages i sent with absolutely zero editing. i hope you enjoy my candor and typos.
here’s the obikin bath & body works au ✨🫧🧴🧼
i feel like i’ve talked my way around a bath & body works-adjacent AU without ever actually talking about it but you know what?? today is the day
anakin is a retail associate at a soaps+lotions store and obi-wan comes in looking so handsome and frazzled and confused and anakin is like. oh boy one of these. ok sir who are you buying a gift for 🙄
except he can’t get all the words about because once he’s close enough to greet the man with his normal spiel. he realizes. this is the most amazing smelling man he’s every encountered in his LIFE
so he fumbles through helping obi-wan pick out a gift basket’s worth of assorted but complementary lotions and body scrubs in a daze. hoping and praying to the powers that be that he did not just help this man build the perfect gift basket for his girlfriend or, heaven forbid, his wife. and as anakin walks him all the way to the checkout counter (usually he just points customers in that direction but anakin is LATCHED onto this man), obi-wan turns to him and squints at his name tag and says “you’ve done a lovely job, anakin. i think with your help i’ll be spared my sister’s disappointment.” and anakin’s heart SOARS while his dick threatens to publicly embarrass him because he has never heard his own name sound like THAT coming out of anyone’s mouth ever
he’s almost forward enough to ask the man’s name or even give his phone number, but balks and ends up giving him a discount card for buy one get one half off any purchase of 2 or more body care products. except the expiration date is scratched out and scribbled over hastily in anakin’s handwriting, written to now expire instead at the end of the week
obi-wan blinks but pockets it with a charming smile and thanks anakin AGAIN and anakin thinks he might just pass out at this point
the rest of the shift passes in a haze, anakin makes it home and kicks himself the entire night, barely able to sleep. he barely pays any attention in his classes the next morning, worried that even if obi-wan does return, he has no idea when anakin works and they could very possibly miss each other entirely. that is, if obi-wan even comes back
his coworkers ask him what’s wrong when he clocks in the next day, and anakin grumbles and does his best to put on something akin to a serviceably customer-friendly mask. he drags like a zombie as he resets the seasonal display in the center of the store, snapping into lucidity every time the door chimes and a customer walks in, none of them his warm and spicy, flustered and handsome nameless crush
defeated and debating whether or not to feign illness so he can just go home and languish in bed, anakin hangs up his apron and goes to clock out for his break when he hears another customer enter. he doesn’t turn around, unable to stand any further self induced disappointment. one of his coworkers covering for him on his break greets them. and anakin’s stomach drops
“i made a purchase yesterday actually and was hoping to speak to the associate who assisted me. does… is anakin working today, by chance?”
“oh… i’m so sorry, he’s on break right now, but i’d be more than happy to—“
anakin doesn’t care that he must have bruised his hip on the checkout counter with how quickly he throws his apron back on and whips around to barrel through the store at lightning speed. he can’t even be bothered to bite back the stupid smile on his face.
with all the grace and propriety of any man on a mission of true love, anakin slips in beside his coworker and pipes up over her, locking gazes with the man and relishing the way his eyes widen, then soften and crinkle with warm recognition.
“i’ve got it from here, it’s really not a problem.”
anakin doesn’t even turn to see which of his coworkers he’s just so rudely dismissed. they must leave without fuss though, because then it’s just the two of them, staring at each other over a carefully stacked pyramid of passion fruit and peony hand lotion.
“short break, then? i’d hate to be the reason you forgo your lunch.”
“i’m alright. i’m, uh. i’m not hungry.”
the man smiles knowingly and cocks his head to the side, a lock of hair falling in his face as his eyes crinkle once again, just the faintest hint of age.
anakin thinks he might die. he smells even better than he remembers. it’s like nothing he’s ever smelled before. certainly nothing they sell here, at least. it can’t be cologne, right? jeez. maybe this is how all those ridiculous hallmark movie leads feel when they lock eyes with their favorite generic brown-haired man of the hour. anakin wants to fall into this man’s thick, sweater-clad arms. he wants to wedge his face in the crook of his neck and nuzzle his beard that looks oh-so-soft and inhale him. he wants to get down on one knee and ask if he—
“… can get your help with something?”
oh. right. anakin desperately hopes the flush he can feel crawling hot up his neck isn’t as visible as it feels.
“y-yeah, of course. sorry. what can i do for you?”
tl;dr because i promised myself i’d start my day at 9:50 and it’s now 9:56 BUT
obi-wan coyly asks anakin to help him find products for *himself* and anakin is like. um no offense but are you insane. you smell amazing already. and obi-wan is like 👀 and anakin is like NOT that i was smelling you because i WASNT hahahh that would be SO weird i just. there was a strong breeze. and. man that cologne you’re wearing sure is strong. plus i have a sensitive nose yknow. for example, i can smell that uhhh…… and obi-wan is like. i’m… not wearing any cologne. and anakin is like 😵‍💫
anakin helps him make his purchase just as dazed as he was yesterday. rings him up himself to make sure he gets his special anakin only discount. and then he finally gets obi-wan’s name.
obi-wan asks if he’s free after work. anakin says yes and also he’s free every afternoon for the rest of his life. in case something comes up and obi-wan needs a rain check. or something. obi-wan laughs and says today is just fine.
obi-wan picks him up and they go home and put obi-wan’s brand new body oil to excellent use 😌 the end
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azrielgreen · 2 months
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Hello!! I have a question (:
How does your writing process change depending on whether you're writing fic or a published novel? Does it feel freeing to be able to post pretty soon after writing? Is it hard to try and write a published work without the love and support for each chapter coming out pretty soon? (does that last sentence make sense haha) Do peoples comments on your work change the way you write the following chapters?? Oh ! has anyone ever guessed the plot twist you planned, so you purposefully changed the plot twist to be different to what they guessed?
I think if i wrote fic i'd feel quite anxious that my fan base would love one chapter but dislike the next one i post, and I'm wondering how you move through that !
I don't know if you know her, but an old fic writer i used to love, called gallaplacidia, recently deleted her entire fic and podcast collection after writing a novel (she also encouraged people to download and share them before she deleted) and i wondered if that was something you would ever do ? If you published would your fic be something you'd prefer to be hidden from your new novel audience or would you enjoy people discovering both ?
sorry for any typos, and the amount of questions haha, I adore your writing and am so interested in the way your mind and writing process works. I just think you are so incredible !!!
What beautiful questions, thank you so much! So, to start with:
The writing process for fic VS published works is admittedly a little different in that there is a more intense editing process for published stuff, at least three rounds of it, and with fic I do one master edit before posting.
Posting after writing is an absolutely gorgeous feeling, and it's lovely to have people's enthusiasm and excitement for the next chapters. It's very rewarding, but I try not to let it ever become the reason I write. It's a lovely boost and especially worth the work when people resonate deeply with it and are generous enough to share that, but I really do always write for myself. There's so much I've written that I've never shared or posted, even fic. The thrill of working on a longer series that's my OWN original works is pure joy. For me, writing without support along the way (chapter by chapter) isn't hard but I do usually work on multiple projects so there's often some source of fun interaction.
Comments never really change the way I write, except in one rare case where a commenter made an observation early on in YD and something clicked and I thought "YES! OMG YES!" for a little plot element.
I actually LOVE when people can see plot twists coming. Those are my favourite kind where there's been foreshadowing and hints. I'd never swap out a twist if someone guessed it because that would be kind of cheating, and I adore that someone read the work closely enough to see a twist coming. I'd much rather the reader sees over the characters shoulder what they can't yet. Equally, I've never changed it TO the twist someone has guessed, even when it's been extremely cool (a few Prism examples for sure, people guess the most incredible stuff) although at times I've been sorely tempted.
Yes, I know a lot of published authors are encouraged to delete their fandom works but i won't be doing that. Instead what I'll do is what I've always said; orphan them. I will eventually orphan everything as I've always done. The stories will live forever on AO3 for anyone who wants them, just without my name on them. At this point I've orphaned everything I've ever written except for ST fics. They'll go too, when I can bear to let them go, but I'd never delete them.
I think ultimately, I want people to discover what they're looking for and what they like. I'd never want anyone to feel obligated to read something of mine just because they liked one story, you know? I won't deny or hide what I've written in the lasg and will always be so proud of what I created and the fun I had while doing so. I'm Azriel Green here and the books will say the same.
Thank you again for such lovely questions! ✨️💞💜💞✨️
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fornasedensgudar · 1 year
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Hi I saw your recent post about some problematic aspects in the pagan/heathen/witch community. I noticed you said you are swedish and there were a few (very minor) typos in your post. I hope you don't find me presumptuous but I retyped it without the typos/grammar errors if you want, however if you feel this is out of line or you don't really care then my apologies, I don't want to offend you. If you are interested I am pasting the edited version below, but also feel free to ignore. (I really enjoyed the post also, it brought up a lot of really good points and the grammar errors were pretty minor)
~~~~~~~~~~
A while back ago I had a lil rant about the pagan/heathen/witch community and made this list with my friend about some problematic aspects about our craft/faith/practise or whatever you call it to help people who are new to it.
Idk if it any of worth or if anyone will bother to read all this but I hope its somehow helpful for you new ones to this path.
(Pardon my 🇬🇧, I’m a 🇸🇪)
1. Not every polytheist does magic or has an interest in it and that’s ok.
2. Not every norse heathen knows runes or has to know every Rune and meanings to have a meaningful relation to the gods and nature.
3. Not every raven is a sign of Odin, sometimes it just means you saw a raven and that’s just as good if not better if you ask me.
4. Being able to quote havamal in old norse or know every myth and kenning of the gods is good but does not mean you have a stronger spiritual connection the land and the gods than those who don’t know it all. It just means you are good at reading. And that in itself is something you should take pride in.
5. A good acorn and some dirt is just as good if not better than any long ritual with ancient chantings surrounded by a collection of crystals.
6. The pebble you find on a walk can shine just as fine on your altar, as the amethyst that was mined and paid for.
7. Your altar doesn’t have to look Nice, it just needs to feel Nice.
8. An offering doesn’t have to be big to work. It just has to mean something.
9. Offering one loaf of bread you baked with your own two hands, is worth more than five loafs you paid someone to bake.
10. Just because a pebble doesn’t have a story, does not mean it never had one. And just because a star has a story, does not mean it’s a good one.
11. If all nature is holy, that includes the parts you don’t like or find nasty. Yes, even ticks and spiders, mud and hornets. No one said you had to like holy things.
12. Your body is a temple yes, but you and only you decide what rites and offerings are right for the god within said temple.
13. You can still be a drunk horny ape and be spiritual.
14. No illustration of the gods is more correct or more true to their form.
But then there is no guarantee everyone will see who its meant to be. And that’s ok.
15. Doing spiritual junk and practising magic or healing does not make you more enlightened...
16. Just because you wrote a book about magic, healing, and spiritual matters, does not make it a good book or you a good author.
17. Just because someone you look up to said it, does not make it more right. It just means they said it.
18. Making this list to remind the pagan/witch/heathen community to humble themselves does not make me better. I’m also doing this to just remind myself. I’m not better or wiser than any of you lot.
19. Don’t ever expect to have your craft respected if you don’t give that same respect back to others.
20. It does not matter how old or big your coven or group is, if it has toxic and harmful parts that clearly hurt and or make people unhappy. Then its ok to criticize it. Age or size does not make it untouchable.
21. If a craft or faith says it’s all about nature but can’t change its ways, then it has clearly missed a very important thing about how nature works.
22. Every rock is an altar and every forest is a temple.
23. For every horn of mead you offer to the gods, you should plant at least one seed.
24. If all in this world has a spirit and is alive, does not mean you can’t take space and exist and live in it.
25. It’s not about believing. It’s about to experience and to perceive. That, if you ask me, is the core of animism and polytheism.
Oh thank you! No I dont mind at all! Im just flatterd you took the time to help me out! Very kind of you whom ever you are ❤️❤️❤️❤️
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dawn-the-rithmatist · 2 years
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A little long thing on censorship and boundaries on the internet
Okay prefacing this by saying this post is only written for tumblr and ao3. If you go beyond those I have no knowledge for you unfortunately, but maybe people can chime in in the notes.
Starting off, each person is responsible for controlling their own internet experience. We’re lucky that tumblr does not have an algorithm that forces unexpected things onto your dash (aside from blazed posts and based on your likes, but more on that later). You are in complete control of the content that appears on your dash, based on who you follow. Likewise, on ao3 you’re able to filter searches so you see what you want to see, and no one is making you click on the things you don’t. No one owes you anything with their content, aside from the ability to avoid it if you choose.
Follow up, you are responsible for making your content avoidable for people who don’t want to see it. If you’re writing the kinkiest fic out there, that’s fine. That’s yours to write and share as you wish. But you’re responsible for tagging it so that people who aren’t after that kind of material don’t see it if they want to. That way you get people who are happy to see/read your works, and people aren’t confronted with 50 Shades of Gray when they were really just looking for some PG hand holding.
Basic tags for those who aren’t used to tagging systems are whether it’s NSFW, any particular kinks, and any potential triggers (things like gore, underage, no con, suicide- if there’s an archive warning for it on ao3, it’s probably something you should tag so people can avoid it). Make sure that you spell the thing out without typos or euphemisms or @ny w31Rd $tuff that would lead to it NOT being filtered. (We don’t Unalive here, we kill, and Unalive will show up even when kill has been filtered out.)
What if someone I follow reblogs something that I don’t want to see or find problematic? If it’s something specific you’re trying to avoid, tumblr has tag filtering. You can block tags related to that thing, and it won’t show up on your dash uncensored. In case you ever want to see what’s behind that censor in spite of the tag, you’ll have the option to view it anyway- you won’t miss that the post exists entirely. If it’s something that hasn’t been tagged, it might be a good idea to (kindly!! Respectfully!!) request that the person tag it appropriately. If they refuse, you might want to unfollow them so you don’t have to see it anymore.
I unfollowed someone whose content bothered me, but my mutuals keep reblogging it so I still see it on my dash. You can block them! Then reblogs won’t show up on your dash, no matter how many mutuals reblog it. Blocking someone does nothing to them- try not to see it as something aggressive or offensive. You have the right to control what you see online, and blocking is a way to do that more effectively. You can always unblock them later if you change your mind!
Things from people I don’t follow keep showing up on my dash. This could be a couple of things. If it says “based on your likes!” or “tags you follow”, that’s something you can disable in settings (I can edit this post later with the exact locations) and tumblr won’t show you those anymore. That said, those are still subject to tag filtering, so that’s also a good approach if you don’t want those things to go away completely.
Now that blazed posts are around, there’s a chance you might get something you don’t like through that, but I’m not sure if there’s a way to filter those out. I haven’t seen a blazed post from tags I block yet, so… so far so good? If anyone knows, please chime in!!
Some content shouldn’t exist online, even if it can be blocked/filtered/avoided. This is the most important point on this post. I do think that some things shouldn’t exist online. My mother also thinks some things shouldn’t exist online. However, we don’t agree on what those things are, and we both agree that there are some cases where we would make exceptions to our rules. If we start purging content that we don’t agree with, it’s going to become a question of who is disagreeing with the content. Gotta be honest folks, in that scenario, I’m pretty sure the voices that get listened to will be straight, cis, and white.
TL;DR: Internet freedom disappears when we allow censorship, but we do still need to protect each others’ boundaries when we’re online. The best way to do that is to tag your content (no tag limits on tumblr or ao3, so don’t hold back! Only the first five count for searches on tumblr but the rest can be used for filtering blocked tags), block and filter things you don’t want to interact with, and unfollow or block people who you can’t trust to respect boundaries.
PLEASE reblog this post and add on anything you think is relevant, because this feels more relevant than ever right now <3 thanks friends
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Hello. I had a question regarding your post about blind characters. I have a character in my WIP that must cover their eyes.. but it’s blind. He may need to tell people he is blind to explain why he covers his eyes though. I was wondering how I might write this character without offending. Thank you :)
I think I want to start by explaining the “covering blind eyes” trope and why it has become a harmful trope. I think understanding why it’s hurtful helps everyone learn how to handle it better.
I would guess that the “blind people wear sunglasses” trope comes from Hollywood for the specific reason of 1. wanting to signal to the audience that the character is obviously blind and 2. avoid breaking the suspension of disbelief by preventing the audience from catching the sighted actor look at visual stimuli (because disabled characters are almost always played by able actors).
But this changed the way the public expects to experience blindness. If watching a sighted actor wear sunglasses and say he’s blind is all the exposure to the blind community a person has had, that’s the only model of blindness they’ll recognize. If they meet a blind person in real life who doesn’t wear sunglasses, it’s going to break this built perception and cause an uncomfortable cognitive dissonance. 
And then there is the common “cloudy-white blank gaze” that pops up in media. It stems from the fact that cataracts is the most common cause of blindness and the appearance of severe cataracts is a cloudy film in the eyes obscuring the iris and pupil. It can also alter what color a person’s eyes appears to be, making them appear paler and grey in the beginning and then as the cataract advances it becomes more yellow/brown and alters a person’s vision to appear more yellow tinted.
There are lots of other eye conditions that makes the eyes look visibly different. Albinism for instance affects the color and structure of the iris. Eyes might be congenitally misshapen. The muscles might be weak or not work and one or both eyes point significantly outward. Someone who was born blind and experienced no visual stimuli might also have weak muscles around their eyes because they never had a reason to focus their eyes on anything.
And unfortunately humans have the habit of feeling uncomfortable when they meet someone who looks very obviously different from the norm, whether that’s a personal style choice (hair color and style, tattoos, clothing choices) or something they can’t help (a visible disability, skin color, scars). 
To the paragraph above, @gothhabiba replied with:  “it's very weird & ahistorical to claim that racism or ableism are some kind of natural "human" trait.. like frankly it's apologia”
You’re right, I wasn’t thinking beyond that generalization or assumption.
Perhaps a better way to put it is: I was raised in a society where I was taught from childhood to think that there was only one kind of human being to be. White, cis, straight, abled, conservative. That’s a very western thing and that’s a thing I’m going to constantly be unlearning.
Racism and ableism and homophobia aren’t innate, that’s a western thing that was forced onto the rest of the world by colonialism. And because western media created this idea that the world is white, abled, cis, straight, and Christian-value leaning, it taught people to think that was the norm so that seeing someone different from that archetype would cause a cognitive dissonance, which causes discomfort.
And instead of working past that cognitive dissonance to learn more and realize there’s so much more to life than media taught you, society encourages you to ignore that cognitive dissonance by sticking your head in the sand-- or TV screen.
So combine these two tropes or common beliefs together and you get something a little dangerous: the idea that blind people cover their eyes because they look obviously different and they’re ashamed (or should be ashamed) of that.
And if you’re someone who’s just gone blind or who was born blind and you have little to no contact with the blind community, then this societal belief that you should be ashamed of how your eyes look becomes detrimental to your self-esteem and further builds internalized ableism.
I’ve lost count of the times I’ve read or watched a blind character cover their eyes with sunglasses because they were ashamed of how their eyes looked. And I distinctly remember a few times where a sighted friend of the character was trying to convince them to stop wearing sunglasses because there’s nothing wrong with looking different--which is true, but it plays into this fantasy of being the perfect abled ally who saves the blind character from being miserable. 
In an ideal world, the character has no reason to believe looking different is a bad thing or diminishes their worth or makes people dislike them. And if they develop this belief, it’s more likely that someone more involved in the disabled community, most likely someone disabled themselves, will set them straight. Or that the character will learn to accept themselves on their own, looks included.
But there are some perfectly valid reasons for any blind person to wear sunglasses. They might have an interest in fashion and sunglasses complete the look they’re going for. They could want to protect their eyes from UV rays while they’re outside. They may experience light sensitivity and sunglasses reduces any discomfort or pain. Those are incredibly common reasons to wear sunglasses whether you’re sighted or blind.
But there are some more complicated situations.
In your words, your character must cover his eyes. You never specified why, so my primary guess is that he has some kind of power that is unpleasant or has devastating affects and the only way to prevent it is to keep his eyes covered. My primary guess stems from this post where an anon and I discussed a retelling of Medusa, a hypothetical blinding of oneself to avoid ever killing anyone ever again, and what I think I would do if I was in that scenario.
So how do you write a blind character who must cover their eyes and avoid some of the complications?
1. Your character must always have the ability to say “fuck off, it’s my business, I don’t have to tell you why I’m blind or why I cover my eyes.”
Most blind people really, really don’t want to get into the nitty-gritty of why they’re blind and how they feel about it and what it’s like being blind with a stranger they’ll never see again or a new acquaintance they don’t know well yet. You have exceptions to that rule where sure, educating the public about blindness is a thing you want to do and you’re committed to helping your community, but I still have days where I don’t want to talk about being blind or disclose my medical crap.
And if someone doesn’t respect their right to their privacy or pushes too much, the blind character is allowed to be angry, is allowed to tell them off and complain without anyone else in the situation vilifying them or saying they’re “overreacting” and “should have just disclosed private information because big deal or whatever.” If they are angry, that’s their right, and it’s not unreasonable, it doesn’t make them a bad person.
2. Your character should not be ashamed of being blind or of covering their eyes. It is a part of their life, they’re used to it by now, even if they weren’t in the beginning.
The shame and internalized ableism is something that should be written about, but that’s for an own-voices story with a blind author. I don’t think an abled person will ever be able to understand how much society expects you to hate yourself and your disability because “being disabled is a tragic thing that ruins your life” and how that does affect your mental health, self esteem, your relationships with others, your medical care, and what kind of accommodations you can get.
3. It wouldn’t hurt to have a few sarcastic lines in response to uncomfortable conversations.
Stranger: so what’s with the...
Blind Character: what’s with what?
S: the... you know
BC: you’re gonna have to be a bit more specific
S: Your eyes?
BC: They’re... eyes
S: but you’re...
BC: Blind?
S: uh...
BC: yeah, I’m blind. *walks away*
Or this conversation:
S: *to some other character* so why are his eyes covered?
(author’s note: which, honestly, that’s fucking rude. At least have the guts to ask me yourself)
BC: If I look anyone in the eye they instantly perish.
*awkward silence*
BC: instantly.
Friend: It’s truly tragic
BC: *melancholic* that’s how I lost my sister. *chokes up* She was so young
Or this conversation:
S: Why are you wearing that?
BC: It’s called fashion Karen!
Or this conversation:
S: are you like... blind?
BC: yes?? why wouldn’t I be?? Wait, are you sighted? Are you one of those sighted people? You poor thing! What caused you to gain your sight? Do you have a car? A bike? Were you born sighted? What’s it like to see color? Do you miss not having to see 
God, I want a chance to try that last one. I haven’t interacted with a stranger in almost a year. One day...
4. Honestly, it’d also be cool if someone’s reaction to your character covering their eyes was like, “cool sunglasses,” or “cool *insert random character, even one you made up* cosplay,” (which is ten times funnier if this character is a notable figure in modern society like an actor who people might cosplay). 
5. You know, if he’s covering his eyes with some kind of blindfold, he should totally have custom blindfolds for his moods. Like, I have a mask that says “suck it up buttercup” and another that says “not today” because sometimes that’s the mood. And sometimes the mood is one of my floral masks, and sometimes the mood is my cat mask.
So, just some thoughts. I hope that helps.
Edit: a commenter said: “op, unless i'm mistaken this kind of reads like anon meant the character ISN'T blind but lies about being blind to explain covering their eyes? it seems like they made a typo on the word "isn't"”
So my original response to the question was based on the assumption that the character is blind. However,
If the character is not blind, then do not under any circumstances have them lie and say they’re blind to escape a mild inconvenience. 
It’s better to have the character actually explain the situation or straight up leave the conversation or invent a more ridiculous lie than to perpetuate the very real stereotype and misconception that there are people who fake being blind and therefore it’s okay to discriminate or harass them if you even suspect they’re faking.
Do not under any circumstances perpetuate that stereotype. Do not harass someone because you don’t think they’re blind enough.
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anemo-writes · 4 years
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hello travelers! again, thank you for putting up with my inactivity, it’s been hard to write lately haha. anyways, i thought this would be something fun to post and for everyone to enjoy, whether you celebrate Valentine’s Day or not :) (note: this will probably be more fanon than canon so please bear with me, i’ll make it as canon as it can be :’) i also kept this pretty short, so hopefully that’s okay too,, and sorry for this being late haha—i wrote this very late at night so don’t mind any typos you find please)
much love,
~ anemo-chan <3
(The Playable) Genshin Impact Characters on Valentine’s Day (Romantically)
super romantic; gifts you a bouquet of flowers and takes you out to eat at a fancy restaurant/cooks for you.
Diluc
He is nervous. He’s never paid close attention to the countless amount of people who have lined outside the tavern to ask him to be their Valentine, only to be rejected. There was absolutely no way that he would turn to Kaeya for advice, so unfortunately this was something he would have to figure out for himself. He figures that it wouldn’t hurt to go traditional, so that’s what he does; he buys a large bouquet of roses (which he had to get from Donna, seeing that at the hours that he ended work were very late and Flora’s shop was not open at the time—yeah, that was not fun) and presents himself outside your doorway, to which he invites you to join him for a late dinner—which he makes!
Lisa
She leaves a letter on top of your nightstand, paired along with a singular rose. The letter states for you to meet her outside of Good Hunter, where you find her sitting at a table with a candle dimly-lighting up the surroundings. She greets you with a warm smile, gesturing for you to sit down—the two of you enjoy a candle-lit dinner as well as bolognese she specially requested for Sara to make for the two of you to enjoy together why does this remind me so much of Lady and the Tramp,,
Tartaglia
Oh boy. It’s always a fun time spending a holiday with him, seeing that it could go two ways; one, he would be too busy to celebrate it with you on the day of, and he would take you out the day after, or two—have a store’s entire line of merchandise presented to you outside your doorstep, in which a very, very smiley Tartaglia hidden within the pile (after all, he was the best present!) After you’re done moving all of the gifts into your house (it took up the space of your entire living room), he tells you to cover your eyes and follow him. He takes you to one of the most well-known restaurants in Liyue (which currently doesn’t have a name because it is very late here!), and insists that you order whatever you want, and however much you want.
Zhongli
Over the years, he’s witnessed many, many couples celebrate this holiday and every year he’s wished to do the same. He finds the perfect opportunity to do so when Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and boy does he plan it out for the two of you. He’s even made sure to have his wallet on him at all times—it would be extremely rude for you to have to pay if he happened to forget his wallet. He makes sure to stop by to pick up a bouquet of flowers, as well as a bottle of perfume (not in a bad way, just to clarify) from Ying’er’s shop that he recalled you liked. He makes sure to pick you up early from your work place to make sure you made it to your appointment on time; after all, being late to an appointment was similar to breaking a contract, no?
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surprises you with homemade sweets.
Fischl
Oh, she is so nervous—of course, she doesn’t show this. The entire week, she spent researching recipes to create a special batch of chocolate-dipped strawberries just for you—she even sent Oz to the nearby farms to “borrow” the freshest strawberries for the treat (the farmers were too scared to confront the talking bird who “borrowed” their strawberries, so luckily they got away with it). She dips them in a purple-colored chocolate (because what other color would she use, really?) and drizzles on a dark-chocolate syrup to top it off. She’s too shy to actually give it to you herself though, so she has Oz drop it off for her.
Ganyu
Even though she’s quite busy, she’s somehow found time to whip up a special batch of chocolate just for you! She shapes them into Glaze Lilies (which she found quite hard, which is why there are so few of them) and presents them to you in a neatly-sealed box. She’s quite modest when your eyes widen and tell her it’s the best chocolate you have ever eaten, claiming that she only followed a recipe, when she really made it from scratch.
Keqing
Like Ganyu, you have no idea how she finds time to create a perfect array of chocolates, which she made herself! However, with her tightly-packed schedule, she has to drop it off at your house in advance, to which you accept happily. She tried to decorate them with designs of cartoon-versions of your faces, but they’re a bit...messy. Nonetheless, they’re tasty, and to her relief, you enjoy them.
Mona
Somehow, she’s managed to scrape up enough mora to buy you a necklace; yes, a necklace, and a real one at that—none of that fake, costume jewelry stuff! She even added a pendant shaped like star, just so you could be reminded of her whenever you fiddled with it or even glanced at it. She’s quite flustered when she gives it to you, ignoring the way you ask how she managed to save this much mora to be able to buy something like this, changing the subject on how you should never-ever take it off (because it looks great on you.)
Noelle
One word: pancakes. (Have you seen the ones she makes for her special dishes? They’re frigging amazing) As a dutiful maid should, she wakes up especially early to prepare a homemade breakfast just for you, to which she serves to you just as your wake up in bed. The fluffy stack of pancakes are decorated with fruits cut up in heart-shapes, as well the words, “Happy Valentine’s Day, Y/N”, written neatly with chocolate syrup—it’s quite a sight to see, to be honest, and utterly delicious. Lucky you!
Xiangling
The day before, she tells you to meet her at the restaurant around noon. When you arrive, the restaurant is adorned with Valentine decorations, as well as a terrifying amount of food; she insists that she only made it for you, so you better eat up! Before she can show you the other dishes, the restaurant is suddenly filled with a strong, bitter smell—something burning. With a yelp, she runs into the kitchen, coming out a few minutes later with a tray of half-scorched cupcakes, their Gouba-shapes adorned with...a lot of burn marks. Oh well, it’s the thought that counts, doesn’t it?
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buys/makes a present for you.
Albedo
Without your knowledge, Albedo has been creating a collection of artworks throughout all the time you had spent together. The pieces include portraits of you, portraits of you and him (sucrose helped with this), as well as just random sketches of the little things that remind him of you, such as the bare, snowy-white terrain where the two of you first met, as well as its flora and fauna. If you request it, he’ll even make the painting come alive (literally), and the two of you run to Sucrose’s dwelling, who is very shocked to see the pair of you running from a Frosted Lawachurl when she peered out her window to see if she could pinpoint the sounds of distant screaming.
Amber
Is there anything better than a matching set of wind gliders? Not only that—they were homemade! She spent the last couple of weeks putting together a pair of gliders for the two of you, customizing them to your tastes (which she nailed!) She quite literally drags you to the nearest hill to test them out, and the two of you end up challenging each other on who can get back to the Knights of Farvonius Headquarters the fastest—spoiler alert: she did.
Barbara
Oh, she would make the cutest card for you—the envelope is decorated with cute stickers (some of them even had her face on it; there’s nothing like promoting merchandise, am i right? jkjks) She also pairs it off with a box of chocolates that she bought from Sara—however, what she didn’t know was that in the box was a special-edition spicy chocolate truffle. With your luck, that was the first one you chose—and boy, were you met a surprise (it was so bad that you were begging Barbara to use her Vision on you, which she refused of course). Fun times.
Chongyun
He’s real sweet. After his expeditions and commissions, he opens the freezer (yes he keeps them in there, don’t judge him) to an array of ice sculptures, shapes varying from flowers, hearts, and such—although it’s quite the simple gift, he’s put a lot of effort into them, even putting in the extra effort to cast a spell to make sure they would not melt; it’s all worth though, when he sees the absolutely giddy expression on your face, and the look of pure awe as you pick one up and study it closely, admiring all of the details and work that’s he put in.
Ningguang
She sends out informants to find out what you like, whether it be something that your gaze settled on for too long or something you’ve mentioned while talking to her—on the day of, you open your door to a mountain of gifts, with Ningguang herself peering out from behind it with a calm smile and a wave (which was the opposite of your reaction, because who has that much mora to purchase all of these gifts?!?)
Razor
He doesn’t have a clue on what the holiday until Lisa asks him if he’s planned something for the two of you during one of his lessons. When he shakes his head no, Lisa suggests that he make you something, to which he sets out on an adventure to do, looking for flowers and flower stems to weave into a pair of matching bracelets—they’re not the prettiest, but he is pretty proud of it; after all, it was his first time making something like that. He’s quite nervous to present it to you, afraid that you might not like it, but all feelings of worry melt away when you slide it on with a huge smile on your face, insisting that he wears his too.
Sucrose
At first, she considers gifting you a present that she created herself; of course, with her work being alchemy, she isn’t sure if that would be the safest option, despite being talented herself. And so, she resorts to buying a present for you—she is very picky with the present though, insisting that it should be perfect since she could not make one herself. She even consults Albedo when selecting some of the presents (he doesn’t help her unfortunately; he believes that she should figure it out herself haha). Like Razor, she’s quite nervous to give it to you, but lets out a huge sigh of relief as you thank her happily for the gift, wiping a bead of sweat from across her forehead (sucrose bby anything you give us would be perfect,,)
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whisks you away somewhere sentimental, where the two of you can enjoy a special date.
Beidou
It’s ungodly early in the morning when Beidou presents herself in front of your doorstep, announcing that you’ll be joining her and the crew on a special ride. She tugs you along beside her until you reach the harbor, where you are met with the sight of her ship adorned with streamers and banners, varying between shades of pink and red. Onboard, there is a table filled with goodies the crew collected and made, and boy do they look delicious. The group sets out to sea, and you take your place next to the captain, who even lets you steer the boat (momentarily, at least.)
Bennett
He takes you to meet his dads; yes, yes—he knows that it’s not the most romantic thing to do on a day dedicated to lovers, but he figures it’s just as important. Besides, they’ve been asking about you for quite a while—they even set up a small party within the Adventurer’s Guild, with the help of Bennett, of course. You spend the day listening to their old adventuring stories, as well as bits from Bennett’s childhood (poor boy is flustered from all the information his dads are spilling, but he’s still happy either way; after all, he’s with the most important people to him.)
Kaeya
He quite literally kidnaps you; one second you’re walking in the streets of Mondstadt on your way to work when suddenly someone grabs you by the waist and pulls you into an alley way (that sounds so creepy but i swear he means it in a good way). He only chuckles and shields himself with his arms as you punch him lightly, retorting that he scared you. He doesn’t care that the two of you have an overwhelming amount of work to do—after all, Valentine’s Day only comes once a year, right? Surprisingly, he doesn’t take you the tavern, but instead...Dawn Winery! Diluc received quite the surprise when he is met with the two of you standing outside his gates, with Kaeya requesting a wine/grape juice taste-testing. Yeah...you guys didn’t get any of that, but you did manage to snag a couple of grapes on your way out! Good for you!
Venti
You wake up in your bed, opening your eyes to see a very-smiley Venti laying beside you, chin propped up against his hand as he watches you yawn sleepily as you force yourself out of bed. You’re then presented with a handpicked-bouquet of Ceceilias, the freshest of the bunch, if he may add. You barely have time to thank him before he hoists you up in his arms and out of your dwelling, gliding over the city of Mondstadt as he whisks you away to Starsnatch Cliff, where he’s prepared a special performance just for you (and no, you don’t need to pay.)
Xingqiu
While he’s not the most romantic, he does have a clue on what people look for on Valentine’s Day; after all, that’s what cheesy-romance novels were for, right? Unbeknownst to you, he takes you on a date very similar to the one the main characters in his favorite novels partook in—and you don’t find out until you catch him peeking into the pages while you weren’t (you were) looking. Again, it’s the thought that counts—
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doesn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day.
Jean
Sadly, she probably forgets about the holiday. She’s too busy holed-up in her office to notice the couples gathered up in the courtyard, sharing moments with their lover. It’s not until she walks out to take a breather that she notices the commotion—she immediately calls you over, apologizing frantically. Of course, to this you respond that’s it’s okay, but that you would much rather her take the rest of the day off to spend time together, to which she reluctantly agrees.
Xiao
“I do not have time to celebrate silly human traditions like that.” He would say as you bound up to him, exclaiming that it’s Valentine’s Day, the day where you can give sweets to your loved ones, and asking if he had someone special in mind to spend it with. He’s irked when your gaze falters and the grip on the object you’re hiding behind your back tightens—he only grows more irked as you mutter to yourself how you’ll give the chocolates you made to someone else. He scoffs loudly, avoiding your gaze as he lays out his hand in front of you to accept the chocolates (just because he doesn’t celebrate the holiday doesn’t mean he can’t get jealous!)
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bratkook · 4 years
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like you used to. jjk
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“So kill me like you used to...”
part two.
pairing. ex boyfriend!jungkook x reader genre. angst, mentions of smut, toxic exes warnings. very toxic depictions of relationships, hints at infidelity, drunken mistakes, they’re both very toxic for each other and just can’t stay away, brief mentions of smut word count. 2.9k note. this is just a lump of angst that my mind conjured at 1am last night, i just love angst and messy relationships that are destined to fail 😌(its not edited so if u see a typo no u dont)
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It always started with a phone call. 
Whether it was from you or him always changed. Sometimes he’d get the call at two in the morning, vision blurry as he brought the phone to his face and saw your name illuminated on the screen, that old goofy selfie you had together still set as your contact photo. He’d hesitate for a moment just to keep you on your toes before pressing accept, already getting up and putting pants on because he knew just what you were calling for. 
Tonight was your turn to be on the receiving end, laying in bed comfortably as you scrolled through random posts to try to help you sleep, the flash of his face fills your phone, it’s a random close up photo of his eyes staring right into the camera, crinkled up in a smile. Even though his name is changed in your contacts, no longer having the cute bunny emoji tacked to the end, you know you’ll still pick up in a heartbeat. And you do. 
The second you press accept you’re met with the familiar sound of his voice, slurred and thick as he speaks so jumbled up you would barely be able to understand him if you didn’t already know what he was saying. It was the same things he always said whenever he got like this, proclamations of love that only cut up your freshly scabbed over wounds, salt rubbing into them when he cries about how he misses you, promises to change. 
They get cut off when the phone is yanked away from his grasp, the second familiar voice belonging to his buddy Yugyeom now speaking into the receiver. “You gotta pick him up Y/N.”
The annoyance is evident in his voice, the babbling of Jungkook still heard in the background along with the dull beat of whatever place they were outside of. 
“He’s not my responsibility Yugyeom.”
He simply sighs into the phone, staring at his mess of a friend before rubbing his jaw, sore and aching from where he had just been socked after attempting to force him into an uber. “Yeah well he won’t let anyone else take him home, he’s drunk as fuck. I’ll send you the location.”
Not waiting for a response he hangs up and sends you a pin of where they’re at, thrusting the phone back into his friend’s hands before getting into that uber and leaving Jungkook alone while he whines against the dirty bar wall, crouching down onto the filthy sidewalk as the car drove off. 
Yugyeom knew you would come to his rescue like you always did, never once saying no and letting Jungkook fend for himself because on the rare occasions where you’d call him drunk and crying he’d do the same. 
Getting into the car still dressed in your pajamas, shoes thrown on without being laced up, hair still messy, it felt like routine now from how often it happened. Jungkook called you sober, text you while in a sane state of mind, but without fail at least once a month he’d get absolutely shit faced and call you, leaving you what he thought were heartfelt voicemails if by some chance you didn’t answer. 
It was the same bar every time, a bar you used to frequent with him, knowing the location and all the small side streets to get you there without needing directions. Doing this felt like such a normal part of your life it almost made you forget that you and Jungkook weren’t together anymore. It’s been a year since you split and you still find yourself thinking if things could be different. 
Would it have been best if you never confessed to each other, never admitted to the small inkling of a crush before it was able to fully blossom? It was hard not to wonder how different life would be now if you had walked away the first time things went south, if he had walked away after the first argument. 
Whenever he called you, pulled you in with those drunken promises it was easy to convince yourself that your relationship was perfect, that it was worth all of the struggles. Your brain morphed each fight, each time you cried alone, twisted it around and molded it to make it easier to consume, easier to believe you were meant to be. 
You thought you were soulmates, and maybe you were, two people destined to be together, meeting at the wrong time, under the wrong circumstances. What was meant to be perfect puzzle pieces connected had slowly turned into jagged edges that no longer clicked regardless of how hard you tried to jam them together, foolishly thinking you could spill your love into the gaps to mend the spaces, making the pieces whole once more. 
Love was never enough. 
Love made you stupid, made you blind and gullible, smiling through lies to avoid arguments, going to bed angry until he was hovering over you, coaxing you into forgiveness with soft kisses and gentle touches. It always went this way, regardless of who’s fault it was without fail he’d end up slot between your legs, the only time the puzzle pieces connected perfectly, allowing him to fuck you as if he’d never see you again. Murmurs of love and adoration were passed between panting breaths, sloppy kisses, shared moans to mask the empty promises you made every time.
Staying away from each other was a hard habit to kick, the two of you stuck on an endless game of seesaw, neither of you having the guts to get off and move on. All it took was a simple drunk phone call for you to go his way, the slur of his voice as he cries into the receiver about how much he loved you, missed you, needed you next to him, wanted to try again. It reeled you in so easily, winding you up until you were hauling your sloppy ex boyfriend off the dirty floor and into your small car. 
He remembers none of this, he never did, not fully anyways. Small tidbits of words he said flash in his mind as he comes to, drool on his cheek and neck sore from the unfortunate position he had slept in, groggy and unaware of his surroundings. 
He knew your apartment too well, recognized the green wall he had helped you paint, now holding endless pictures of you and your friends. None of Jungkook anymore. 
All of those photos were gone now, not burned or shredded in some ritual to get over him, simply tucked into a box and shoved so far into your closet you hoped you would forget it. You never did of course, the way the box laid dust free made it clear how often you pulled it out and sorted through the photos whenever you had too much wine, whenever you had off days where you just felt so alone and wished you could go back to the times you had convinced yourself were better. They weren’t, you knew they weren’t once you sobered up and balanced out your emotions.
Jungkook doesn’t feel bothered that not a trace of him remained visible in your home, he knew his presence lingered in the cracks, buried so deep in the crevices of your mind he knew you would always think of him. 
He groans softly as his eyes roam the interior of your home, the throbbing in his temples making him stop and shut his lids, not needing to analyze the place he was at less than two weeks ago when you had called him over. Jungkook briefly wonders if he should sneak his way out, not used to waking up on the couch instead of in your bed right beside you, maybe he had said something last night that crossed the line and landed him on the couch as a punishment. 
As you finally emerge from your room his plan of escape is put to a stop, his eyes gravitating towards your bedroom door, seeing the way you cautiously step out. Having heard Jungkook wake up since you had already been awake for the past hour, your body not allowing you to sleep while knowing he was in the other room, it took a few minutes of courage before you were able to face him. 
Spotting him on your couch shows how much he doesn’t belong, the pinned leather jacket he wore looking so harsh against the light coloring of your furniture, his dark disheveled hair contrasting with the tidy way you organized your apartment. He senses it, the skin crawling sensation that spreads the longer you stare at him, how he felt so out of place somewhere he used to call home at one point. 
“Thank you for picking me up.” He chooses to break the silence, voice raspy, his internal self screaming at him for always doing this. His eyes are sincere, genuinely meaning it, knowing just how messy he got when he had too much to drink, how his friends could never handle him when he crossed the line and began to call for you. 
Like always his words were routine so he expects it when you huff and say, “You need better friends Jungkook.”
“I know.” Because he did, he knew his friends enabled him, riled him up and once he became too much they pushed him onto you, knowing Jungkook’s grip on you was still too strong for you to ever say no. 
“What if I hadn’t picked you up? Would they have left you on the side of the bar to fend for yourself?”
“Probably,” he shrugs, from past experiences he knows very well they would have. His friends had dealt with Jungkook crying over you far too much, their patience fully stamped out, no longer able to tolerate him when he became like this. 
Not even realizing when he begins to smile as he thought of the nights you didn’t pick up, how he had ended up in the most random locations because he refused to go home to a place you weren’t, he snaps out of it when you scoff. “It’s not funny Jungkook, you could have gotten hurt or something.”
There it was, the reason you were upset. Not because he had called you and spewed the same bullshit he always did, no that you could tolerate. You were upset, and worried, that you’d get a following call from someone stating he had injured himself while calling for you. 
“I know.”
You pause to breathe, his short responses not irking you like it should, arms crossed over your chest as you observe your ex boyfriend still sitting on the couch, looking like a scolded child. 
“You can’t call me anymore Jungkook.” How you have the nerve to say that to him is funny, acting as if ten days ago you weren’t the one doing this to him, telling him you missed him, securing your anchor around his foot and dragging him back under with you. 
This is the checklist you needed to go down, a formality of the morning after so he doesn’t mind it. Instead he frowns at the way you continue to say his name, the way it rolls off your tongue makes him wince, missing the way you’d call him Kookie, playful pet names like Bunny, something he swore he hated but secretly loved. Jungkook wished he could hear you say it again, humor you with that damned bunny eared headband he’d wear to hear you laugh, squeal as he posed and dance for whatever silly video you recorded as you shouted out the ridiculous nickname. 
The last time he heard those words spill out of your mouth had been too long ago. 
“I’m sorry.” he admits, he knew he had to stop, couldn’t continue to hold onto the past, knowing how wrong you were for each other but he wasn’t the only one. Those were the same words you told him ten days ago, apologizing with guilty eyes for asking him to come over when you were lonely, needing a familiar body to occupy the space next to you, wanting his hands to soothe you, make you feel whole again just for a night. 
Once the sun came up it was back to normal, the two of you having the repeat conversation you had every time, the exact one you were having now. A formality. Nothing more, just mindless words that you would both agree to just to move along, to make you both feel better, more secure with yourself until the next time the phone rang. 
Your heart twists in your chest as you look at him, the same toxic love you had for him brewing in your heart, spilling over and burning you but you ignore the pain, convince yourself you don’t feel it as you breathe in. That same rope latches around Jungkook’s ankle as you avert your eyes for a brief second before looking back at him with a small sigh. “Do you want breakfast? I know how you get when you have a hangover.”
He smiles for the first time, charming as always, looking up at you through the subtle waves in his hair. “I probably shouldn’t.”
You know this. He definitely shouldn’t because breakfast will turn into words exchanged, civil at first, flirty the next, a coin flipped to decide if a petty argument would begin or if you’d reminisce about the good times. Regardless of the outcome, what always followed ended with you moaning out his name as he rocked into you, those same empty promises spilling through his lips that you swallowed with a kiss. 
A brief moment of bliss, a small dose of the past that only serves to hurt you further but you crave it, loving the small rush that came with arguing, the roughness of his hands as he pushed you around before sliding home, burying his face into your neck as he broke you down all over again. 
Normally you’d try to convince him further, but as your mouth opens to protest you get flashes of the night before, how you had carried Jungkook up your flight of stairs, hearing him ramble about nonsense so slurred together you paid it no mind. You would have had him sleep in your bed beside you like you always did but when you fish his phone out and begin to slide his jacket off it buzzes to life. 
Always being nosey you type in his password, smiling when you realize it was still your old anniversary but when you unlock it and see a flood of messages from a girl named Natalie, calling him babe, asking where he was, the smile falls from your face as you start to snoop. 
It doesn’t take much scrolling through their thread of messages to easily discover she was his girlfriend, blissfully unaware that he was shit faced and calling you, confessing to his love for you while she laid at home and wondered if he was having fun with his friends. She reminded you of yourself, of the way you used to be with him and it left a sour feeling on your tongue. 
“Yeah you probably shouldn’t.” 
He stands up now, following you slowly as you approach the door, heavy boots thumping on the hardwood as he reluctantly steps closer to the exit. He doesn’t want to leave, wants you to try to convince him to stay, not knowing that you knew the dirty secret he was hiding buried in his phone. 
You don’t decide to tell him you know, it was pointless. That was just how Jungkook was wired, so much love to give he had to spread it out, give everyone a fair share of it, choosing to pretend he wasn’t being selfish. It was naive to believe it, to think all the love he held was strictly for you, it was why he was able to pull the hood over your eyes so easily. 
Even when you pull the door open and give him a tightlipped smile he knows you’ll still call him, forget all about Natalie when you’re lonely once more. So when you look him in the eyes and sigh, “Goodbye Jungkook.” He knows it’s not for long, maybe a week or so, maybe less. 
He simply smiles, stuffing his hands into his jeans as he shuffles out, turning to face you as he steps backwards. “See you later Y/N.” And his words sting in a way he doesn’t mean, knowing just how right he was. 
Jungkook would never mind how heavy the anchor you hooked on his ankle was because he knew you would forever be a sucker for him. 
As you shut the door behind you it feels like a small weight starts to hang from your shoulders, the same tug starting from your chest, guiding you into your room until you’re pulling out the cursed box and sorting through those damned photos. With stinging eyes you flip through them for a moment, focusing on all the laughs captured on film, blurry vision moving to your phone beside you, hands already itching to call him again. 
It’s as if he knows, still inside your building, lingering in the lobby to give you a moment and it doesn’t take long. Once his phone starts to vibrate he smiles, staring at the photo of you as you call him like clockwork. With a clear of his throat he answers the phone, barely saying hello before he hears a small sniffle through the speaker. 
“I miss you Kookie.” 
Jungkook lets his eyes shut as he presses the elevator button, loving the feeling of being needed by you, already knowing to head back up because this was routine. 
“I know you do baby, I’ll be right up.”
And just like that you’re once again desperately trying to make those stupid puzzle pieces fit together, hoping that maybe this time love would be enough.
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skeetusmcyeetus · 4 years
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I’ve making headcanons about all of my hyper fixations for a while now and just dumping them on my friends so I’m gonna also dump them here.
If you’re into All For the Game , My Hero Academia, ATLA, The Raven Cycle stay fuckn tuned my doods bc I have a loooot of stuff rattling around my empty skull.
Not all of these are 100% mine some of them are already pretty popular and I’m expanding on them or I heard something similar and edited it to my own tastes
I’ll separate them by series,,,
Theres like one canon that’s mildly nsfw
TW: drug abuse
Mha/Bnha
pro hero kirishima’s Red Riot™️ merch is insanely size inclusive bc he wants fatgum to be able to wear the hoodie that kiri’s pr team sent him but that’s not all,,
If he wasn’t super gay and in love with Bakugou he’d be very Into BBWs so again his merch is super size inclusive bc he wants everyone to be able to wear it
The company that makes the merch also takes requests for special made merch for people who’s quirks interfere with a “normal” size or dimension
ALSO ,,,,this man(kiri) is built like a fuckn MACK TRUCK OKAY he is 6’7” and cannot fit through doorways without ducking and turning a little to the side ,,, he is broad And still wears no shirt™️ ,,, this being said ,, bakugou is still around 5’8” and pretty slim don’t get me wrong he’s extremely strong and toned but he’s not huge,, it makes flying easier if he stays a little lighter ,,,,,,, the point is,, sometimes kiri will pick up bakugou with one arm and bakugou can’t even pretend to hate it anymore
Also,,,, fatgum has to use special pens and keyboards because of how big his hands are,,, he’s literally 8’2” I won’t take criticism on this
Fatgum actually loves wearing red riot and sun eater merch
Allmight and Inko start dating and one day when they’re out someone comments on how much all might “looks like a skeleton” and she absolutley lets loose on them for being so vapid and shallow and how “he’s risked his life to save people like you more times than you have ever even thought about being helpful in your life and it would serve you well to treat someone who’d die for you without even knowing you with more respect”
All might had to gently pull her away bc the guy was crying and she wasn’t anywhere near finished with him
Midnight is Asexual and aggressively pretends to be horny on main™️ because for one, it works with her quirk and two, nothing sells better than sex especially when you’re a woman.
Bakugou and kirishima use sign language to talk shit at Public events
Dabi is addicted to painkillers because he’s been on them his entire life,, he wakes up with the shakes and sometimes toga has to help him take his meds in the morning because he’s already in withdrawal
Tensei was the first one to realize that iida was autistic and immediately did copious amounts of research on ASD and how to be a good brother to him
ATLA
sokka grows his hair as long as Zuko’s (except the sides obvi) and sometimes he’ll wear his hair in the fire nation top knot and zuko loses it every time
Azula gets help and now sometimes when she wakes up with the sun after a night of fitful sleep she goes to the courtyard to have tea with iroh. They never talk, but then again they never need to.
Sometimes after a hard day sokka falls asleep in the bathtub and wakes up to zuko warming the water back up and washing his hair for him
Suki lounges in zukos throne while zuko gets worked up about stuff and paces all around the room
Mai is on the ace spectrum
When sokka and zuko visit the southern water tribe zuko will firebend for the all of the kids in the village,,, they love him so much and sometimes sokka gets a little teary eyed watching him
Sokka braids zukos hair water tribe style and it’s the hottest thing maybe ever
Zuko takes sokka on shopping sprees pretty frequently and sokka fuckn loves it
One time someone has the nerve to call sokka “the fire lords sugar baby” and sokka just flips his ponytail over his shoulder Ariana style and says “and what about it?”
The Raven cycle
Ronan has 100% killed Robert Parrish in his dreams and when he wakes up to see Adam next to him he almost immediately wants to go back to sleep and do it again for all the pain he’s caused Adam
Gansey is oblivious to the fact that he is indeed shredded,, when he gets really worked up he moves his arms a l o t like rolls up his sleeves, crosses and uncrosses his arms and The gang’s favorite is when he puts his hands on his head and subconsciously flexes,,,, literally entire gangsey will group swoon at him and he genuinely thinks they are marvelling at his passion for whatever he’s worked up about
Ronan watched broke back mountain once when he was like 16 and now all he can think about is being a gay cowboy ,,,
Adam will read people’s tarot wrong if theyre douchebags
Don’t you think it’s funny that the ganseys don’t have any straight children?
Blue has a T-shirt from each member of the gangsey (except Noah,, rip Noah) and shes created a terrible Franken-T-shirt by ripping them up and sewing them all back together in an extremely ugly patch work thing
Adam talks in Latin in his sleep and it really freaks his roommate out,, like a lot,, not to mention the fact that Adam already creeps him out to begin with bc he’s got that other vibe that comes from being tied to cabeswater and lindenmere ,, 6 out of 7 days his roommate is convinced that he’s a witch or a fairy or something
Ronan teaches opal how to bake and opal burns everything on purpose
aftg
Neil has definitely killed multiple people to survive
Neil’s mom definitely made him kill someone at least twice to make sure he could kill to survive on his own if they got separated
he probably definitely still has nightmares about each one
Matt and Dan both had a crush on Neil for like 30 seconds and absolutely talked to each other about him
Ppl always talk about how hot it is to crush a watermelon with your thighs,,,, Andrew could do it with his arms
Aarons ass is so flat and Andrew has an absolute dumptruck
Kevin started out as one of those annoying “obsessed with WWII” history guys and now he’s actually very into queer history and will rant about the lavender scare for an hour if you let him
The foxes lounge room(?) has a dart board with riko’s face on it to this day,, they literally have a drawer full of copies the same image of riko and every time one gets worn out they put a new one up. It’s more of an inside joke now but wymack still hates that little puke even though he’s dead so it stays up
Post-canon Neil gets drunk and teaches the team how to steal a car by hot wiring Matt’s truck
Matt does drag for halloween one year and Dan liked it a little too much *cough cough* she pegged him while he was still in drag
Someone once asked Renee if she was “saving herself for marriage like a good Christian girl should” and Allison knocked them out cold and stepped over the body
Neil calls Aaron ugly to his face literally any chance he gets (I feel like this one might be canon but I actually don’t know What’s real anymore)
Andrew Unironically wears a pink apron that says “kiss the cook” that Nicky got him for Christmas when he bakes
Okay I think that’s it ? For now?? Let me know if y’all want more,,,,, I’ll separate them next time I just really had to dump these and I didn’t want to make multiple posts.
I made this at 5:30 in the morning sorry if it’s riddled with typos and errors.
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tomtenadia · 3 years
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A Little Braver - 20
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Even if I had a crazy day at work I did manage to do my Monday post as promise... but if you notice typos...I am sorry. I read it and edited but my brain  left with the boat tonight (I work for a ferry company, hence the joke)
This is the first of a few chapters where our bird boy is away and Hamel is causing problems to our gang.
Also, Aelin tries to cook... well... you can imagine how did that go.
--------------------
After the trip to the base Aelin had taken home a very sad Elide and then got back to her own place and cried herself to sleep while hugging Rowan’s pillow. It was very late in the afternoon and it was her day off and she had no intention of leaving her bed.
Her head was buried under the pillow when she heard her phone buzz so she scrambled to get it and her heart raced when she saw it was Rowan.
“Hi,” she said with a croaked vice.
“Are you okay?” Rowan was already in fussing mode.
“Yes I just woke up.” She heard a lot of background noise “where are you?”
“Vulture’s row.” He activated his camera and showed Aelin the view of a fully functional flight deck. “Uh, wait.” He pointed the camera stern of the ship and showed Aelin a jet landing.
“That was so cool.” He turned the camera to him and she saw him with his sunglasses and his hair messed up by the wind. Then he switched off the camera and they went back to normal.
“Are you there yet?”
“We are skirting around. We still have a few hours before we are fully in enemy territory.”
Then Aelin heard a siren of some sort and Rowan swore “I’ll call you as soon as I can again. I need to scramble. Love you.”
“Be safe.” She managed to add before he closed the phone call.
She collapsed again in bed then decided to call Lysandra and Elide and organise a day out the three of them shopping. Elide needed cheering up as well.
The next day Aelin, Elide and Lysandra had decided to have a girls’ afternoon to cheer up the two ladies who had their boys away. They met at the entrance of the shopping centre and Aelin went to hug Elide first of all “how are you doing?”
“Lorcan gave me a brief call yesterday telling me they were on the ship and on their way, then he had to go.”
Aelin sighed “today we don’t think about our far away boys.”
“And maybe you can buy some very sexy lingerie as a present for when Lorcan comes back.” Commented Lysandra and Elide blushed.
“What’s the point?” Asked Elide “you are taking it off anyway.”
Aelin laughed and took Elide’s hand “remember the dress I had at the navy party?”
Elide nodded “it was stunning.”
“I was not wearing anything underneath. It drove Rowan crazy.”
“I have done it a few times with Aedion and I agree with Aelin. The sex afterward has been amazing.”
“How do I learn all these things?”
“Stick with us and we will teach you.”
“Let’s go for some food,” said Aelin, “I haven’t eaten yet.”
“How will you survive now without your sexy chef in the house?” Asked Lysandra.
“Oh, I’ll just go back to my usual order in and ready meals.” Shrugged Aelin who had no intention of even trying to cook anything.
Lysandra took Aelin’s hand and walked toward a restaurant “come on Elide, let’s get this girl properly fed.”
The three women got into the restaurant and sat down and Aelin started perusing the menu eager for some decent food and not long after they placed their order. Lys was right, without Rowan she would be lost when it came to food. Rowan had properly spoiled her.
“How are the wedding preparations going?” Asked Aelin.
Lysandra and Aedion’s wedding was not far away and she was excited to see her best friend finally having her happy ending.
“We are getting there.”
“Do you have a dress yet?” Asked Elide all excited.
Lysandra took out her phone and showed them her dress.
“That is gorgeous. Aedion will not be able to keep his eyes off you during the ceremony.”
“That is the plan.” Lysandra smiled wickedly “but the biggest question is who is going to be next?”
“My money is on Aelin,” chimed Elide “Lor is not emotionally ready for such a step. You and the captain on the other hand…” her eyebrows flicked in amusement.
“She is right, and the two of you basically live together.”
“Yes and no.”
“What do you mean?” Lysandra was confused by the admission.
“We haven’t covered the subject yet. He still has his flat and some of his stuff there. Even after I recovered he never left and I never pushed because I like having him around.”
“Will you ask him to move in officially?”
Aelin sighed “maybe. When he comes back. I don’t know. Things are going well and I don’t want to mess it up.”
“Do you think he’ll say no?” Asked Lysandra. Brainstorming with her friend was always helpful and recently she hadn’t done it enough.
“I don’t think so. But living together is as far as we can go just now. For many, many reasons.”
“Is it because of Sam?”
“Only partially.” She was not going to tell her friends Rowan’s story. She had no right. So she remained vague hoping the two friends would get the hint and not ask anymore questions.
“Still, my money is on you two.” Added Lys “Elide is right, Lorcan does not seem to have yet the emotional ability to commit.”
“Hey, he kissed her in public. And yesterday at the base he seemed quite nice to her.”
“Quite?”
“I don’t know, I was concentrating on Rowan I just cast a brief glance at them.” Replied Aelin.
“He was super kind.” Added Elide taking biting on a breadstick.
Their food finally arrived and Aelin was the first to tuck in.
“Does the captain know about your crazy eating habits?” Asked Lysandra amused.
“Yes,” replied Aelin, enjoying her food “he calls me his bottomless pit. When we had our first date he joked that he might need a mortgage just to feed me.”
Elide laughed “Sam used to joke and say that he needed a second job just for feeding you.”
“I move a lot,” replied Aelin with a grin “I have a big appetite.”
“I think it must be a firefighter thing. Aedion is the same.” Lysandra grinned “and we burn a lot of calories.”
“Eeewwww, I did not need to know that. He is my cousin.”
“Oh come one, as if you and hot captain do not engage in illicit activities. The whole squad guessed that the other night you two had sex in the shower after the call at the club.”
“I was just giving him a special goodbye.” Her hand gently brushed the spot where she could feel his tags. She did a bit of research and she was happy she had a copy. Having the real one meant he was gone and she could not think about that.
“Are you okay?” Asked Lysandra worried at her sudden change of expression.
“Yeah.” She added flatly, then gave them a big smile. It was their day off she should not spoil it.
“So, are we taking Elide lingerie shopping?” Aelin teased trying to raise the spirits of her friend.
“Yes, it’s going to be fun.” Added Lysandra all excited.
“Girls… there is really no need. What I have is okay. Lorcan is not fussed.”
Aelin took a bite of her food “oh but we will make sure he is fussed and also that he knows how sexy you are so he does not decide to…. wander.”
“How do I keep him? I am nowhere near as interesting as the two of you. He might get bored of me very soon.”
Aelin stared at her friend and it broke her heart that her horrible past left her with no confidence at all. Elide was brilliant at her job and she was an intelligent woman and she was positive she would make quite a few heads turn.
“Don’t you say something like that ever again.” Lysandra preceded her. She was even more protective of Elide than her “I work with you everyday and I know how awesome you are and I am positive that if we go to a club you’d have your share of men looking at you.”
Aelin nodded.
They finished their meal and went back wandering around the shopping centre and visited a few shops. In one of them Aelin wandered in the male department and spotted a couple of lovely jumpers. One of them was a deep green and looked very cozy and she realised she had no idea of when it was Rowan’s birthday.
Silly question, you never told me your birthday. She sent the text and knew a reply might take a long time to come. She grabbed the jumper and tried to decide whether it was the right size for him.
“That is a lovely jumper.” Said Lysandra joining her at her side “already thinking about useful presents? You are like an old married couple.”
Aelin laughed.
“But I think this one is really nice and the man seems to look amazing in green.”
“I am just wondering about the size.”
Lysandra grabbed the tag “this one will fit Aedion so you should be fine.”
A moment later Elide rejoined them, her face beetroot red “I feel so silly.” And showed the girls her bag with her lingerie purchase.
“Hey, Ace and I are joking. You didn’t have to buy it if it makes uncomfortable.” But Elide surprised them “I will buy just one pair for now and I’ll see how it goes.”
Lysandra laughed “Aelin is already buying presents married couple style and you are still in the sexy lingerie stage. My girls have grow up so much.”
“And what stage are you and Aedion?” Asked Aelin with a grin.
“The one where I go to the grocery store and I phone him to ask him if he wants beef or chicken for dinner.”
The rest of the afternoon went swimmingly and she loved spending the day with Lys and Elide. They didn’t do that nearly enough.
Now she was back home and in the kitchen trying to accomplish her new mission. She had bought a cooking book for beginners and she had decided she was going to try and cook dinner. Lysandra had told her to start with something as simple as a stir fry. So she had bought a few more kitchen supplies and a pan Lys had told her was called a wok. She had mused why she could not use the pot she already had and Lys had rolled her eyes. Aelin had also bought the ingredients and now they were all lined up in front of her, the book open and a fire blanket and a small fire extinguisher on the counter just to be safe it was her cooking after all. She took a photo and sent it to Rowan then started working. When it got to cut the onions she cursed herself for deciding to cook.
Her phone rang and put it on speaker “hey,” her voice sounded strained and Rowan went in full fussing mode “are you okay?”
“Yeah, cutting those blasted onions.” She sniffled.
Over the line she heard Rowan roar with laughter “what are you making?” He asked as soon as he stopped laughing.
“A chicken stir fry. Lys said it’s easy to do.”
“Why are you putting onions in it?”
“Because I like them, mr I know how to cook.”
“I even bought a wok. Apparently I cannot use my pot.” She added as while throwing the ingredients in the pan.
“Seriously, when I get back we are going to have a massive overhaul of your kitchen.”
And Aelin’s heart raced in joy. It sounded like he had no intention of going back permanently to his flat. Maybe when he got back she should ask him the question after all.
“Aelin, it’s a miracle you have cutlery and two plates.” She could hear the humour in his voice.
“How are things going?”
“I just came off patrol. I am on my way to my quarters to get changed. I don’t have the most appealing scent just now.”
“Shower without me, so what? Two minutes max?”
“That’s about it. The water supply is not endless.”
He finally got to his quarters and collapsed on his bed after removing his boots then lay down and activated the camera.
“Hi sexy,” she did the same and placed the phone against the wall in front of her so he could see her as well.
“I don’t see any smoke. That’s a good start, considering it’s you.”
Aelin gave him the middle finger and then showed him her small fire extinguisher “I am prepared.” She took a bit of her food “for now it tastes edible, but not as good as yours.”
She saw him give her a smug smile and her instinct was to wipe it off his face with a kiss.
“The answer is July 16th, by the way.”
Aelin looked at him not understanding his statement.
“My birthday? You asked me earlier on.”
That she did “That’s two months away.”
“And when it’s yours?”
“May 3rd.”
“Aelin, that’s in two days.” He added sadly “and it sucks I can’t be there.”
“Lys has planned to drag me out with the girls of the firehouse. It’s also her bachelorette party. I have to go.”
“I almost forgot they were getting married. That came around quickly.”
Aelin laughed “not when you have been around them for years.” Aelin placed her food in a plate and moved to the sofa, taking her phone with her.
“When is the wedding?”
“This weekend. The weather is meant to be gorgeous which is a good thing since they are getting married outdoors.”
She heard him sigh “I really, really wish I could be there with you.”
She did not add that she had been thinking the same. So she just took a bite of her food.
“Edible?”
“Fuck no,”Aelin spit the morsel back in the plate “I must have done something wrong with the spices. It tastes horrible.” She grabbed her house phone.
“What are you doing?”
“Clearly ordering in. I am not eating this.”
Rowan rolled his eyes “you should practice more.”
“Why bother? I am clearly not cut for cooking. I am hopeless.”
“Do I need to tell you the amount of times my food sucked when I was still learning to cook decently? I got better with trial and error.”
Aelin huffed “fine I’ll try again on my next day off.” Then she put her house phone down after placing the order “I thought you were going for a shower?”
“Eager to get rid of me?”
“No, I just was hoping to have a peek at that nice arse of yours.”
Rowan laughed “If you behave.”
“Do you have the quarters all for yourself?”
Rowan nodded in the screen “the perks of rank. Gav is sharing with Vaughan. The twins are on their own.”
“Is that wise?”
“This carrier has a nice number of female officers. No one wants to go anywhere near that room.”
“Remember I am jealous, Whitethorn.”
“Some of them are middies on their snot cruise, so very young. The others… still not interested.”
“Who is a middie?”
“It’s short for midshipman or woman. They are the lowest ranking officers in the navy, just above the cadets. And a snot cruise is their first time out at sea on a proper mission.”
“Are your students middies as well?” She loved asking all those questions that might have sounded silly to him, but he never made her feel stupid for asking. He was always happy to answer.
“No, my students are called pilot officers. Then they become Flying officers, then flight lieutenants which is what the twins are, then Vaughan is our squadron leader, Gav is the Wing commander and then you have me.”
“Sounds so complicated.” She definitely needed to do more research to understand his job a bit better.
“It’s like you guys. Aedion looks after one rig as a lieutenant, you are the captain and are in charge of the operations of both at the same time and Dorian will be in charge of all the engines in case multiples houses are involved. Am I correct?”
Aelin nodded impressed.
“Same for us. Vaughan looks after our small squadron, Gav two or three squadrons, which is called a wing. I look after a unit composed of different wings and then Lorcan plays god in the CIC.”
“Now it makes more sense. So I could be your wing commander.”
“Having you fly with us would be insane. We would not concentrate on the enemy.”
Aelin laughed, then the buzzer of the door went off “just a sec, buzzard, food is here.” She went to get her food and plopped back on the sofa resuming her call with Rowan.
“Is your ship nice?”
“I served on her before. Not as swanky as the new one, but she is decent enough.” Rowan sat back up “hey, I really need to take that shower and then it’s chow time. If I miss it I don’t eat until tomorrow morning.”
“Go. Sorry for keeping you.”
“You did not such things. I have been looking forward to call you.”
“I love you.” She told him, sending back the tears that had started forming.
“I love you too, Fireheart.”
Aelin waved him goodbye and went back eating while tears had begun flowing down her cheeks. It had only been two days and she hoped it would get easier being so far apart.
***
The next morning she arrived at the station bright and early, got changed and went straight to Aedion “Are you ready?”
The man nodded “Peter is covering you until we get back from the police and I got Manon in charge of the second rig.”
“Good. Let’s go.”
They arrived at the police headquarters not long after and Chaol met them at the reception area “Hi guys,”
“Here’s my favourite cop.” Aelin went to hug Chaol.
“Just because I keep reporters away from you.”
She gave him a huge smile back.
“Come, detective Ytger is waiting for you.” They followed behind him in silence and stopped in front of a door and knocked.
A female voice told them to go in and once in the office Aelin recognised the same woman at one of the arson cases a few months back.
“Captain, Lieutenant, we meet again.” The three shook hands and the detective sat back down and invited both cousins to do the same.
The detective threw a thick file on the desk “you two have just made a very powerful enemy.”
“The man is a bastard.”
“Believe me, captain, when I tell you that Hamel has been a thorn in my side for a very long time.”
“And why is he still at large? Two people died and the man did not care.”
The woman pinched the bridge of her nose “he has very powerful lawyers and always gets away with murder. We have been working on him for a long time but whatever piece of proof we bring in is never enough to get him behind bars for good.” Aelin could sense the tiredness in her voice.
“Did you close his club as I asked?”
“We did, but he owns almost all the ones in Orynth. And so much more.”
“Can’t you arrest him for murder?” voiced Aedion.
“No, his lawyers showed us the papers of the latest inspections and the place was deemed to code. He blamed the company that did the inspections for lying to him.”
“Detective, I hope you are aware that is a bullshit.” Said Aedion, fury burning under his surface.
“I am well aware.” The woman added almost apologetically “the closure is temporary. It will not stick too long.”
Aelin almost swore “Have the other clubs been checked?”
“We did some undercover recon but we don’t have the full skillset to know what’s up to code.”
Aelin smiled wickedly “well, it’s a good thing that you have a firefighter whose birthday is very soon and was planning to go to a club.”
“You are not dragging Lys and the others in this.”
“Calm down. Hamel does not know them, they are safe. I will wear a disguise.”
“I don’t like the sound of this.” He protested again but he knew Aelin could be stubborn.
“I am coming too.”
“No,” said Aelin “One: Hamel remembers how you lifted him up and he will not forget such act. Two: it’s Lys bachelorette party as well. So, no.” she paused “you can take the guys to another one.”
“What happens if we find both clubs not up to specs?” Asked Aelin worried that it was going to be a lost cause.
“We can start by closing them and gather a bit more time to have more material against him. We have other leads. We just need something significant.”
They discussed with the detective which clubs to hit and they left.
Once in the car Aedion made his displeasure quite clear “I do not like this.”
“Neither do I, but the police has no idea what to look for.” Replied Aelin.
“We are not cops.”
“And they are not firefighters.”
After that they drove in silence all the way back to the station.
***
Two days had passed and Aelin’s birthday had arrived. She arrived at the station and laughed at the scene. One of the rigs was covered in balloons and a sign saying happy birthday, cap and the second rig was for Aedion and Lysandra and the front of the truck had a long white sheet over it that looked like a bridal veil and two massive papier mache rings attached to the front.
She laughed and joined Ansel and Manon who were doing some checks “did everyone see this?” She pointed at the engine and truck. The two women nodded.
“Then let’s clear it. I do not want to go on a call in that state.”
“Yes, captain.” Said the two women in unison. 
The locker room was empty and she sat down on the bench and looked at her phone again. She was hoping for a text from Rowan or a call but nothing yet. She kept telling herself that he was busy and probably out flying. She removed his dog tags and hung them in the locker and stood and stared at the pictures she had hung up. It was some of the photos they had taken in Doranelle. With her finger she brushed a photo of him. He was standing and looking up to the sky. His eyes closed and a small smile painted on his face and his hair all tousled after she had messed it up. It was one of her favourite photos of him. “Be safe, please.” And she blew him a kiss.
Aelin got dressed and then reached the team who was having breakfast in the communal room.
“She is here.” Shouted Nox happily.
Luca grabbed her arm and pulled to the table where a cake was waiting for her.
“Chocolate hazelnut cake. Your favourite.” He cut a slice and offered it to her.
Aelin grabbed it eagerly “mmmmm”
“Get a room you two,” shouted Ress.
A moment later Manon came through with a man carrying a large box “he says this is for you, captain.”
“Thanks, Manon.”
Aelin grabbed the box from the courier and sat down on the sofa. It came from a shop in Orynth. Strange. She opened the box and when she peeked inside she saw a massive stuffed toy. Once she lifted it she realised it was a bird and she had a feeling she knew who it was from.
“A bird? Why a bird?” Asked Lysandra.
Aelin smiled, grabbed the stuffed toy and walked to her bunk to be alone when she noticed the letter inside.
Once alone she sat down on her bed and placed the bird at her side and read the letter
Happy birthday, fireheart.
I wish I could be there for you but I can’t and it hurts more than I thought possible.
If you are reading this, you have met your new friend. I could not find a buzzard but a toy shop in Orynth had a white-tailed hawk and since I have silver hair I thought it was the closest option. Do we look similar? He will keep you company while I can’t be there with you.
I will try and call you tomorrow if I get a free moment, but the guys and I have pulled alert crew duty for the day so no phone for me.
Have fun with the girls and leave the other guys alone especially if they are navy and army.  Aelin chuckled at the joke
I miss you already.
I love you. Madly. 
To whatever end.
Yours, 
Buzzard.
By the time she had finished reading the letter she was in tears. She hugged the soft toy and for a moment she hoped to smell his scent of pine and snow. She went to her locker, grabbed the dog tags and put them around the bird’s neck “you look after them while I am on shift, but then I take them back.” After that she took a photo and sent it to Rowan “I think I will call him Rowan.”
**
It was later that night and Lysandra and Elide were at Aelin’s place to get ready for their fun night. Aelin though, was not in the mood. Rowan had eventually called her but the phone call was cut short when he had go and scramble. Soft toy Rowan was on her bed, his dog tags back on since she would not be wearing them with her dress.
Lysandra was going through her wardrobe looking for a dress for the night.
“So, the captain does have clothes that are not uniform,” said the woman going through his clothes but Aelin glared at her and Lys went back to Aelin’s side of the dresser.
“Did he phone you?”
“Yeah.” Said Aelin flatly while wearing her dress.
“Lorcan said they were having a couple of shitty days.”
Aelin ignored her friend or she would end up in tears and ruin her make up.
“Did he give you his dog tags?” Asked Lys noting them pending from the bird’s neck.
“No, he can’t. He made a copy. And I don’t want the original ones until he retires.”
“Why?” Asked Elide while she was busy fixing her hair.
“Because it means he is dead. They are used for identification.” Replied Lysandra flatly. She had learned that from Aedion.
“Can we please change subject?” Snapped Aelin.
Lysandra grabbed a green dress “what do you think?”
“It will go perfectly with your eyes.” Said Aelin wearing her blue dress.
“I thought you loved the captain.” Said Elide.
“Uh?”
“That dress?” Added Lys pointing at her attire “it makes you look as if you are open to being chased.”
“Too slutty?”
“Ansel will be proud of you.”
Aelin smiled “I do love the captain and I have no plans on taking anyone home. My only companion in bed tonight will be bird Rowan.” Then she wore a wig of red hair.
“Why the wig?”
Aelin and Aedion had decided not to tell anyone about their plan for the night, so she had to lie although it hurt lying to Lysandra “just for some fun.”
They arrived at the club half an hour later and Manon, Asterin and Ansel were already there and apparently already having fun.
“You made it” shouted the red-haired woman. “And who is the hot red-haired friend?”
“It’s me, Ansel.”
“Captain, you look hot.”
Aelin laughed “thank you.”
“We got some drinks already,” said Manon.
“Happy birthday, captain,” said Asterin raising her glass “and congratulation to Lys for bagging the meanest lieutenant in the TFD.”
Their glasses clinked and then Aelin spotted Chaol in the distance. What the heck was he doing at the club? She nodded at him and he gave her a small nod back. Everyone knew Chaol and if the girls spotted him it could raise some questions so she texted him with the pretence of being the overbearing girlfriend checking on her man.
The girls went out dancing and she stood behind saying she was not in the mood when she was actually trying to check out the place. She was about to join Chaol in his hideout when a guy stopped at her side and blocked her way “aren’t you a stunning creature?” He said and Aelin cringed. She really hated clubs and the pigs that came with them.
“Of course I am.”
She felt his arm sneak around her waist and his body move closer to hers and she closed her eyes at the fact that those arms were not Rowan’s.
“What if I buy you a few drink and have some fun you and I?”
“You couldn’t handle me.” She said to him in a whisper.
“I love a good challenge. My flat is not far from here.” And his hand slithered up on her back.
Aelin scoffed “I’d never have sex with you even if we were the last two humans left in the world.”
She made to walk away but he grabbed her arm. She almost punched him but in that instant she felt someone hugging her from behind “it’s me, follow my lead.” He whispered in her ear and she noticed it was Chaol.
“Thank you for finding my girlfriend. I went to the gents and I lost her.”
“Sorry darling,” said Aelin caressing Chaol’s face.
The stranger walked away annoyed.
“Thank you.”
“You were holding your own anyway.” He commented.
“I was about to punch him and cause a scene and mess up the mission.” She whispered then grabbed his hand and pulled him to a quiet booth at the back of the club
“What are you doing here?”
“Detective Ytger sent me here as back up. Hamel’s minions know all of the detectives but not us beat cops.”
“How do you want to proceed?” She asked him.
“You are the firefighter, I am just here to make sure you get out okay.”
“Ok, I need to walk around. Just keep an eye on me.” Chaol nodded and Aelin walked away.
She went back to the bar area and smiled when Elide walked toward her “Ace!! Come on it’s your birthday, you need to come and have fun.” She also had a job to do but felt bad at abandoning her friends. So she joined them again and Lys grabbed her for some dancing.
“How how many hearts did you break?”
“Just the one but he was a pig.”
“Did you tell him you have a super hot captain waiting for you?” 
Aelin shrugged and turned to Elide.
“How many drinks did Ansel give you?”
Elide lifted three fingers in front of her face “two.”
Aelin laughed “no more alcohol for you.”
“Buuut I am sad and I miss Lorcan.” Aelin hugged her friend knowing full well how she felt.
“Still, no more alcohol, you just can’t hold it.”
She walked Elide to Manon “can you keep an eye on her please? And just water please. Elide has reached her alcohol quota for the evening.”
“Of course.”
Aelin smiled at the white-haired woman. She was very introverted and of a very few words but she did not care about that since she was good at her job. She was the complete opposite of Ansel.
Speaking of the woman…”where did Ansel go?”
“Last time I have seen her she was dancing with a brunette.” Aelin dragged a hand on her face ���I am going to the ladies. Just behave, okay?”
She used the excuse to slip away and walk around as she was supposed to do. She wanted to try and take some photo as proof but covert operations were not her forte.
“You are back,” whispered Chaol at her back.
“I’ll pretend to be drunk and lost.”
“Be careful, this is making me nervous.”
She nodded and walked away from him. Part of her was glad she had not mentioned this to Rowan, he would have gone in full protective mode.
She kept pretending she was drunk and dumb and ended up in the kitchen “sorry,” she slurred, leaning against the doorframe “are these the loos?”
“No miss,” said one of the staff “they are down there and on your right.” She gave the man a goofy smile and a wet kiss on the cheek “thank you, sweet man.” The hug had given her the time to have a very quick look in the kitchen and note there was no safety equipment. That was enough for her to shut down that club as well. How could they run a kitchen that way? She really had to take down the bastard. She hid in the shadows of the club and and checked the fire doors without activating them and found them of shoddy quality. She was fuming. She had a good look at the club and realised even the numbers of people allowed in was probably over the limit. Those doors were for 60 people, she could only see three on ground level, which meant a limit of 180 people. There were probably over three hundred, all crammed and spread on two levels. It was a firefighter nightmare. She ran back to Chaol “go home. I have seen enough. Tell the detective this place needs to be shut down as well.”
“I’ll phone her as soon as I am out. She was waiting for news anyway.”
“Go, and say hi to Yrene.”
Chaol left and she ran back to her friends nervous that she was placing them in danger. She wanted to go but the idea of leaving all those people behind made her nervous. She texted Aedion and rage surged back when he told her that their club was the same.
The girls took her dancing in the middle of the dance floor and danced away ignoring a couple of guys basically dancing on her. She hated clubs so much and the music was horrible. She bit down her annoyance and went to hug Lysandra “how does it feel to be almost married?”
“Weird.” She looked at Aelin “are you having fun?”
“You know I don’t like clubs but I came for you, it’s your night after all.”
“It’s your birthday too.”
Aelin shook her head “I get one every year, you better marry my cousin and stick to him.”
“And you stick to the captain. I want to come to your wedding.”
Aelin laughed “we’ll see…” then she turned and saw Elide leaning against the counter half asleep “what if we take the party to my place? I am sick of this place.”
“Please,” said Manon in a hopeful tone. She hated clubs as well “we can get alcohol on the way home. If I hear another man asking me why my hair is white I am going to start snapping necks.”
“Hey Manon, no need to snap necks,” then Aelin looked around for Ansel.
“I’ll get her,”said Asterin when she noticed the woman in the distance.
The woman came back with Ansel in tow and moved closer to Aelin “the fire exits are not enough and one is blocked.” She whispered.
“I know, I am going to call Peter and explain the situation to him.” She took her phone out “take the others to the cars. I’ll be there in a moment.”
Aelin watched Asterin walking the group to safety then hid in dark a corner and phoned Peter explaining that they had to pretend they had an anonymous call and come and pay a visit to the place and shut it down. The man agreed after she explained him the situation in terms of safety. She was playing dirty but could not care less. People’s lives were at stake. Hamel could just go and impale himself for all she cared.
Quickly she left the building and she went to her car joining Lys and Elide. The remaining women were in Manon’s car.
They stopped for booze on the way and finally got back home. Aelin took Elide piggyback style as the woman had fallen asleep. Once in the flat she placed Elide in the spare bedroom and covered her with a blanket then went back to the rest of the group camped in her living room. A text from Peter told her that the club had been safely evacuated and closed. Apparently he had found even more infractions that she had not the time to spot. 
“Ok, ladies back to the party.” Aelin grabbed a mixed selection of glasses and mugs for the beer.
Ansel stood and went to use the bathroom and came back a few minutes later “why do you have guy’s stuff on the bathroom shelf? Do you live with the silver fox?”
Aelin sighed “Rowan has been living here since I was discharged from the hospital.”
“That was a while ago.”
“I know.” Aelin sighed.
“Yes!” Shouted Ansel pulling Aelin toward her “our captain is shacking up. I am so proud of you.”
After a few drinks, Ansel would become very friendly with anyone. It was a good thing they had left the club.
In that instant she got a text from Aedion saying that he had activated the fire alarm in their club and evacuated the whole place after he had spotted a shit ton of infractions. Well, that was probably another club down. Definitely not what they had agreed with the detective but they had to do something.
“Ok, since this is a bachelorette party as well, we can have a bit of spiciness.” Said Asterin while drinking her beer “unusual place where you had sex. We need to give Lys some ideas.”
“Do we?” Joked Aelin “Lys would definitely teach us something.” Then everyone looked at Ansel “after her of course.”
“I once hooked up with civilian pilot and we did it in his cockpit before he got to fly the plane”
“Where you flying as well?” Asked Lysandra curious.
Ansel nodded “it’s a long story.”
“Aelin, you are up. I bet the captain is wild.” Lysandra’s eyebrows lifted suggestively.
“He is pretty amazing but the strangest places have been a beach, the sea, behind a waterfall, a pool at the foot of two different waterfalls and almost on a military ship.”
“Almost?” Asked Manon curious.
“I’ll show you the dress.”
Aelin went to get her black dress and got back a moment later “and he knew I had nothing underneath.”
The group of women cheered loudly “that must have driven him insane.” Joked Asterin.
“That’s why the almost. We would have been in a lot of trouble if we got caught.”
“I have nothing left to teach you.”Ansel was sprawled on a chair and lifted her beer in acknowledgment.
“Lys?”
The woman blushed savagely “in a car wash. Aedion and I stayed in the car while it was getting washed and… well.. it was quick but fun.”
“Definitely nothing to teach you,” Aelin clinked her bottle with her friend.
“Asterin?”
“My previous firehouse, with one of my colleagues on top of a rig on a night shift.”
Manon gave a light chuckle “was it when you were at the Regional 2?”
Asterin nodded “he was some hot firefighter. We are still friends. We did it once and then it felt so weird and never happened again.” She explained.
Aelin sighed “The night of the mayor’s party, Thomas and I hooked up. We ended up at my place. We did it, realised it was rebound sex and finished the night with tv and junk food.” Thinking about him still pained her.
“No friggin way. More than the kiss?” Asked Lysandra shocked.
Aelin nodded “after you saw us kissing I left, he found me, we went back to my place.”
Aelin looked around and noticed that no one wanted to make too many comments, his death was still too fresh for everyone and he had been Manon’s and Asterin’s captain.
“Does Rowan know?”
“I told him and he is fine. We were nothing at the time and I was mad at him.”
In that instant Elide joined the group and Aelin stood and went to her “hey, how are you feeling?”
“My head hurts.” Replied the woman leaning against Aelin.
“I should take her home. We are working tomorrow we should all go home.”
“Lys is right,” added Asterin “another 24hrs shift ahead, we need some sleep.”
Manon and Asterin offered to take Ansel home and Aelin remained with Lys and a sleepy Elide.
“I am sorry the evening sucked.”
“Hey,” Lysandra placed her hands on Aelin’s shoulders “it didn’t, and to be honest we were all quite tired. All it matters is to marry that annoying cousin of yours.”
“Take Elide home, she is about to go to sleep again.”
Once Aelin was alone she finally shed the dress and opened one of Rowan’s drawers and grabbed a t-shirt. They were usually far too big for her but she loved them as pyjama. She went to the bathroom, got ready and then finally got in bed with bird Rowan and squeezed close to his pillow to inhale his scent.
She grabbed her phone and found a text from Rowan
I hope you had a nice evening. I wish I had been there with you because it’s bad out here. I hope bird me is keeping you company. Have a nice night, Fireheart. Love you.
Aelin’s heart sank at the anguish in his voice. She tried to call him but had no answer.
I love you, come back to me, was all she managed.
She squeezed bird Rowan and tried very hard to fall asleep.
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dovenymph · 3 years
Text
a film by peter parker
authors note: this was inspired by another thinkerpete tweet that read "peter probably watches the bit from "a film by peter parker" where he's in the car with tony over and over when he misses him" and@peterparkers-bad-youtube-apology’s summer of love prompt list💛💛 also the video edit was made by me so please do not screen record/save and repost it even if you do credit me (also this is unedited so sorry for any typos, i’ll probably go through it sometime this week, i just wanted to post it first)
prompts used: 2. making the backyard/rooftop into a movie theater
my masterlist
warnings: mentions of tony’s death, other than that, nothing but fluff
word count: 3.9k
Peter hated the summer.
Peter hated not having anything to busy himself with; no homework, or academic decathlon, or seeing Ned everyday who could wrap him up in his graphic novel fan theories or the drama in his on and off relationship with Betty. It was petty drama and minor stimulation, but it was something to distract him momentarily. But now Ned was in Aruba with his parents for the entire month which meant Peter had to suffer through the scorching heat of Juy all by himself.
Peter knew he didn’t have to be alone each day, -Aunt May had spent many dinners trying to get him to join her at the movies or the mall, even offering to let him have free reign of the lego store (when he said no to that, she knew he was in worse shape than she thought)- he had a handful of trustworthy and dependable friends he could hang out with for the afternoon like MJ and Betty, or even Flash who had been uncharacteristically nice to Peter ever since he found out he was Spiderman; this having happened only a few weeks after Tony had died and Peter had let him in on his secret to console a sobbing Eugene who, honestly, seemed to be more broken up about the news than Peter was. But even with his expanding friend group, Peter had found the most his body could endure was the contents of his bedroom.
He tried to get back out there after Tony’s passing, he really did, but at the first Iron Man tribute he admired on patrol, his body completely shut down and he swung back home, tears dampening the material of the mask.
So a lonely summer was what Peter submitted himself too, and he’s come to terms with it. He’s rewatched his favorite old shows, started binging some new ones. He’s taken apart and put together his lego death star four times now, each time faster than the last. But he’s been particularly fond of staring out the window. His apartment complex was quite close to the building besides his and he could look down into the backyard everyone had to share. Peter’s building had one as well, but since he was pretty sure he was the only person under 35 who lived there, it went unused.
Next door, there was always a different activity occurring in order for the patrons to beat the heat, and Peter often thought about how easy it would be for him to just go downstairs and introduce himself, and ask to join. It’d really be as simple as that and he’d meet some new people, get a free lunch and a chance to swim in the plastic pool they set up; maybe they’d laugh at his jokes and clap when he did flips, but it was all just a maybe, just in his imagination because his brain never let him wander to far before squandering the idea of getting close to someone again, for if history has taught Peter anything, it's that anything he gets close to, is not meant to stay for long and will be soon snatched away from him in the cruelest of ways.
And this thought is what resigns him to slink back behind his window and pout the day away, as he was doing now, vision blurring as he stared at nothing.
“Hey!”
Peter jumped, his eyes focusing on the target of whoever pelted his window and they landed on your form, slumped against your open windowsill, chin resting on your hand as you gazed back at him.
“Can I help you?” Peter bit back after lifting his window half way, his tone unconsciously laced with annoyance. He really didn’t even notice it anymore since that’s how he’s been speaking to everyone in his life for months now, but when you flinched at his tone, guilt started to creep up his spine.
Before he could ever begin to stumble out an apology, you cut him off “Yeah, is there a reason you stare into my room everyday?”
Peter's face flushed red and he opened and closed his mouth like a fish. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had spoken so bluntly towards him, and honestly, he liked it. He was getting tired of everyone walking on tiptoes around him, he just wanted things to go back to how they were, where he was just Peter Parker, your friendly neighborhood student.
“Or could you at least give me some money for some curtains if you just can’t give up the beautiful view of a concrete wall?”
“S-sorry, I- I didn’t even know you were there.”
Lie.
Peter knew you were there, he always knew when you were there.
Peter Parker isn’t a stalker, though! Sure, he’s gone through some fucked up shit on Earth and in space, so yeah, he wouldn’t call himself the most …sane person he knows, but he really wasn’t a creep. With your buildings being so close and your rooms directly across from one anothers, he was bound to notice you at some point.
And at some point he did. It was the first day of summer and Midtown let out at 12 instead of 3 to mark the occasion, so Peter had been mulling about in his room for quite some time already, thinking about how he heard all his classmates amazing summer plans and how the farthest he was going to go was probably the Thai restaurant down the street, and even that was a maybe. Peter sulked in silence until a couple hours later he heard a door slam closed, thumps from things being tossed on the ground, and a loud groan as he peeked through his windowsill at you who was currently flopped on the bed, window wide open without a care, scrolling on your phone.
At first, he was taken aback by your beauty, a small, small feeling of intrigue spiked his system, but it flew under the radar due to the seemingly everlasting dread that’s been weighing down on Peter's shoulders for months. But he couldn’t look away. You’d been doing nothing but looking at tiktoks mindlessly, occasionally cracking a half smile if a video was particularly amusing, but you still remained cemented to your mattress with no plans on moving anytime soon.
This brought comfort to Peter as he fished his phone out from the bottom of his bag and pulled up Ned’s messages and started to look through the media he sent him, almost two months worth of funny memes and videos that he hadn’t been bothered to look at, and he sat there along with you, aimlessly letting the time pass by. He enjoyed it, knowing he wasn’t really alone in his lazy and distracting behaviors because the pretty neighbor girl was doing just the same.
Ever since then, he’s just been …aware… of your coming and goings. He figured you had a summer job as every other day you were gone for a few hours, a solid shift. But on the days you were home, you also spent it mainly up in your room, every now and then, playing music from your record player, and if he was really lucky, you’d, unknowingly, give him a private concert as you sung out whichever niall horan or ariana grande song struck your fancy that day. He grew quite fond of the music, having added some of the regulars to his own playlist. And he enjoyed knowing you were right there, and he was right here; each of you living your lives, as uneventful as they may be, but you were together in some sort of way.
He’d never spoken to you, the ability of being able to just push his window up and call out to you at any time was what he liked, and each day he thought he’d do it but chickened out, and now it seemed like he’d have to make introductions whether he was ready or not.
“Mmm, right, so you haven’t seen me change or anything like that?” You asked and the content of your question and the inquisitive tone brought a flush to his cheeks.
“N-no! Of course not! I-I’d never do that, why would I even want to look at you? I mean! I don’t think you’re ugly or anything I… I just…”
Peter’s ramblings were cut off with your laugh as it bounced off the summer air and into his room. You were fully leaning out your open window now, and Peter had found himself in the same position, as if he was drawn to you.
“I was only joking with ya, but it's still nice to have the confirmation. I’m Y/N, your neighbor! Obviously.” You trailed off at the end, knowing that information was unnecessary since the boy next door obviously already knew that.
He was like no boy you’d ever seen before, only read about in books. He had a sweet disposition and inviting brown eyes that matched his soft chestnut hair. But he was built like a man, a strong jaw and strong arms. You’d seen him leaving his building everyday on your way to school, and when he’d get dropped off in a big black SUV during the late hours of the night, but he walked in the opposite direction or darted inside so fast,you never really got a chance to take him in.
“…Peter?” His tentative tone snapped you out of your daze and you realized he was introducing himself.
“Sorry, Peter! I- I… got distracted… by your… death star!” You let out, eyes focusing on the black and grey figure resting on his bed.
Peter felt his cheeks heat up as he moved to push it to the ground.
“That’s pretty cool! I finished the star wars series last summer.”
Peter’s eyes snapped up to yours and the friendly smile you were giving him along with the genuine interest in your tone seemed to break something inside him, snapped the band of hesitation that wrapped around his heart. “You did? For the first time?”
“Yeah! I know I’m like super late, but there’s like nine movies!”
Your laughs melded into one as you leaned out your respective windows and began talking about your favorite movie series. Peter was aware that this was unnatural for him. He had been more open to this stranger in the past few minutes than he had to his own Aunt in months and the same guilt from earlier crept up on him. But Peter was having a good time talking to you and he felt his insides turn in excitement when he realized you really had no idea who he was. He had a clean slate with you and he could make any first impression he wanted, well he hoped your first impression of him wasn’t that he was a peeping pervert, but we move, as MJ would say.
You were about to start telling Peter about this new dystopian novel you began reading when you heard a woman call out to him.
“Oh, that’s my Aunt May. She must be home from work. I- I should go say hello.” He explained, a sad look crossing his face that you didn’t quite understand.
You felt your own sadness wash over you, though. You didn’t want to stop talking to Peter either. “Yeah, of course!”
“But we can talk tomorrow right?” Peter asked, his tone laced with uncertainty.
“Oh well, I work double tomorrow… so I probably won’t be home ‘til late.” You said and the way the brown haired boys face visibly fell felt like a punch in the gut and you were scrambling for a reason to make him smile.
“B-but hey! I also get paid tomorrow so if you want, you can come over on saturday and we can have a movie night and we can order a shit ton of take out?”
“Come over to your place?” Peter asked, and he felt himsef involuntarily tense at the idea of leaving his room for the first time in weeks. It was safe in his room. But the pleading look on your face and hopefulness in your tone encouraged him to take the chance.
“I’d love to y/n.” Peter said with a soft smile and you smiled back shyly at him before closing your window and making your way out your room, making sure you were safe in the hall, away from his prying eyes to do a little happy dance.
Peter was unable to wipe the grin off his face as he walked out his room to greet his Aunt.
She heard his feet padding down the hall as she was setting out dinner, “Sorry its not ready yet, Petey, today’s been crazy, but I’ll get started now.” She rushed. Recently, she’s been hoping food’s the key to lift her poor nephews spirits, so each night she’ll either order or make something more fattening, cheesy, and delicious than the last.
“It’s alright May,” Peter let out easily as he turned the counter and placed a kiss on her cheek, “why don’t you let me cook tonight?”
May’s jaw dropped and she blinked a couple times. She could barely get two words out of Peter recently, and they were always either a meak thank you for dinner or an it was good when she asked about his day. She felt her eyes tear up at the slight sliver of her old Petey back.
“O-oh, really, you wanna cook?”
Peter ducked his head down at the ingredients in front of him to avoid looking in her eyes, his heart dropping at the glossiness that overtook them. He truly hadn’t realized how closed off he’d been. “Well, how about we do it together?” He began and the face splitting grin that spread across May’s face was all he needed to know he was taking a step in the right direction.
“G-good idea, honey. Can’t have the house burn down, can we?”
“Hey!”
May laughed and kissed Peter’s head as they began winding through the kitchen, making casual conversation. It was just like the old days, May thought. Before the wave of devastation drowned Peter as he lost a father figure, once again.
“So what did you do today, P? Do you know when Ned get’s back? I’m sure you’re both excited to see each other.”
“Oh, uh, yeah, I am. I don’t know when he get’s back actually, but that’s okay-“
“I know you like your peace and quiet, I really do, but I do think it’ll be good for you to get out of the apartment for a little bit, see if Michelle is available. Oh! Or maybe that Lisa, Liz! I liked Liz, see if she’s available-“
“May! Its okay. I don’t need to hang out with Liz Allen,” Peter grumbled, “I- I made a new friend actually.”
May looked over at Peter in confusion since he hadn’t gone out or had anyone over in weeks, that she could remember; and Peter took her silence as an opportunity to continue.
“The neighbor.”
“Mrs. Wozniak?”
“No! Y/n, she lives in the next building over. And my room is right across from hers. We’re gonna hang out on saturday.”
“Oh?” May raised her brows at her nephew and bit back a smile, much to Peter’s chagrin. “Is she pretty?”
“And that’s relevant why?”
“I don’t know!!” May drawled and Peter just rolled his eyes and kept chopping the vegetables in front of him, the blush adorning his cheeks refusing to go down as he thought yes, yes she is.
.・゜゜・  ・゜゜・.
You yanked the door open as soon as you heard Peter’s knocks against it. He jumped back a bit, his arm still partially raised from when he knocked and you silently berated yourself for being so eager, but the spreading smile across his face made you feel not so bad.
“Oh, sorry, I was just-“
“It’s alright.” Peter replied with a soft smile, and you let yourself trace the golden flecks in his eyes before he cleared his throat, once again, snapping you out of a daze. You seemed to be in a dreamy state around him alot.
“Can I come in? I brought my Star Wars DVD collection by the way, I know you’ve seen them, but this one has the director's cut which I thought totally changed the course of the first trilogy!” Peter explained, rocking on the balls of his feet in excitement.
You bit your lip at the sight, his cuteness was rubbing off on you. “Yeah, that sounds great, but actually we aren’t gonna be watching in here.” You said, grabbing the bag of Chinese food and snacks and stepping out.
Peter’s face sputtered as you both walked to the stairs. He’d spent all day building up his courage to just go six feet from his building, there was no way he’d be able to go around the city with you for the fear of seeing something that’ll remind him of the avengers or crime.
“Y’alright?” You asked, noticing Peter’s stony silence as you walked down the last flight and made your way to the back gate.
“Yeah, sorry, I guess I’m just nervous. I haven’t really hung out with anyone new in a while, well, with anyone at all really.”
You smiled in sympathy, “I get you, I haven’t either. All my friends are out of town, so I’ve mostly just hung out in my room, too.”
“But you already knew that, don’t ya stalker?”
Peter rolled his eyes and shoved your arm as you laughed, glad you got his nerves out of his system. You unlocked the gate and lef Peter to the back garden.
“Woah..” Peter let out. There was a large white sheet hung up between two trees, and a projector set up on the table behind where a blanket lay, covered in a mess of pillows. The setting sun lit up by strung lightbulbs.
“You like? I figured since we both seemed to be home bodies, we could have the fun of the movie theatre, but here!”
Peter felt his heart swell at your words. You’d only known him for two days, and you already treated him with so much consideration and kindness. “I- I love it, y/n. This is amazing.”
He saw how you tucked your cheek into your shoulder in bashfulness and felt his spirits raise even higher. You were adorable.
“I’m glad you like it. I hope the projector works though, it took me forever to translate the instructions.”
Peter walked over to it and gave it a once over. “It seems fine to me, but I can always look at it if you want.”
“Oh yeah? You good with tech?”
“Good enough to get by. I needed it a lot while working with Mr. Stark” Peter began, forgetting that he wasn’t talking to an old friend.
“You worked with Tony Stark?!?”
“Oh.. oh yeah, only for a little! I was an intern.” He said quietly, beating himself up for even bringing up the topic of Tony. The last thing he wanted to do was cry in front of a pretty girl.
“Wow, that must’ve been amazing. You, you must miss him a lot then, huh?”
“Yeah,” he chuckled lifelessly. “Yeah I do.”
“But no matter, we’re here to have a good time right?”
“Yeah, yeah we are!” You grasped his hand and gave him a sympathetic squeeze -neither of you blind to the sparks that shot from the place your hands met- and got settled on the blanket.
Two and a half moves later, the sun had set and the two of you were sitting in the darkness, the only light coming from the flickering of the projector as the abandoned movie played. You and Peter were sitting cross legged, facing each other as he told you another story about working with the Avengers.
“Yeah, it was so crazy!! We were in this airport and he went from being like two inches tall to two hundred feet, it blew my mind. But it was okay though, because I had this idea-“
“Wait, wait, wait. You were there? Why?” You asked, loving every adventure filled anecdote he told you, but it wasn’t all adding up. For just an intern, he seemed incredibly close to Mr. Stark himself, but then again, you’d only known him for less than a week and you also wanted to go everywhere with him.
Peter worried his lip, thinking about how he could worm his way out of this one. Why would a teenage intern be at the Avengers civil war? He figured he could lie, or even just run away and buy black out curtains. Maybe he could convince Aunt May to switch rooms with him even. But you’d already brought so much light to his life in multiple aspects, and he thought, just maybe, you’d be able to bring light to that aspect of his life too.
“You know what, lemme just show you! Wait here, I’ll be back!”
Peter ran back down, his Chewbacca flash drive in hand, adrenaline running through his veins. He plugged it into your laptop and dug up a folder he hadn’t touched in almost eight months.
“What’s this?” You asked as he sat back down next to you.
“You’ll see.” He said, eyes glued to the screen in front of him.
A Film by Peter Parker, read the title as a compilation of videos featuring Peter, Happy, Aunt May, the Avengers, and Tony projected before you both.
Peter heard you gasp as the camera flashed to the suit, and saw, from the corner of his eye, how your head snapped towards his as he backspringed across the battleground. The film continued and neither of you could tear your eyes from the screen. Peter felt his eyes well up with tears as a scene with him and Tony talking to the camera began and he thought that watching this was a bad idea and he was about to turn around and turn it off when he felt your fingers intertwine with his.
He sucked in a sharp breath at the warmth you brought him and he squeezed back, his brain nearly malfunctioning at the speed in which he tried to memorize the feel of your hand in his. But his senses were overloaded as he picked up on your accelerated heartbeat.
The two of you continued to watch the video, neither moving even when it autostarted from the beginning, and this time you laughed outwardly at the funny parts, and asked him questions about why Happy didn’t seem to like him.
“What did you do to him Peter?”
“Nothing I swear!”
“Likely story.”
And he felt the steel blanket of grief fall off his shoulders. The feeling of intrigue and excitement for going back to life was no longer a small trail buried deep within him, but now a firecracker that ignited his insides and aurated off of him. Things were going to be alright, he was going to make it out this summer with more than just the memories from his bedroom, and he’d make it through whatever else life would throw at him, as long as he had you by his side.
Because you didn’t make his heart beat faster out of fear, you made him feel flustered and full of affection.
And you didn’t hold him roughly, with the intent to harm him; you held him delicately, and he could only wait to be able to hold your heart the same way.
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blinkaftermidnight · 2 years
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how long does editing take? do you always outline the whole fic first?
I'm usually never an outliner - at least, not right away. When I get spooked and start to think I won't finish a fic, I'll outline the rest (which is what happened with i'll be waiting on you forever - i outlined something like chapters 14-21 to make sure I knew where I was going since I was already in deep). Outlining can be useful, but I think it's a chore and sometimes it frustrates me when I have to alter an outline while I'm in the middle of writing. That may be why I'm a little unhappy with how the s3 fic is progressing, because even though I like the ideas in my outline, I feel like I'm not nailing the execution.
Editing can vary. I'm sitting on a fic that's like 50k that I've edited twice and I'm still not satisfied with it, and I'm not sure how to fix it, and it's been like a literal year since I started almost. If I'm happy with the overall story/how things turned out, editing goes pretty quick, and it's just a matter of catching typos/inconsistencies or adding little details that make the whole thing work better. I normally enjoy editing. i'll be waiting on you forever has actually been a really easy editing process, especially compared against fics like the exes fic or the soulmate AU (where I literally rewrote the entire last chapter after I posted the first four).
Usual editing process: I do a full read through after I've taken a little break from the finished first draft. Sometimes I'll do a second full read through, depending on how I feel about the fic - if I feel good, one is enough. Before I post every chapter, I read the preview of the chapter on AO3 to catch last minute typos or inconsistencies or sentences that don't make sense (and the AMOUNT of stuff I've caught while doing this has proven to me that it needs to happen, and I will not post a chapter without reviewing it right beforehand).
I've done one full read through for the confederate AU. I'm still not sure I'm satisfied with its ending as it is, so I may do a second full read through at some point. I have another fic I wrote that I've just started the full read through for. And I'm eventually going to attempt to reread that 50k fic I mentioned above - since it's been a while, and I like some parts of it a lot - and see what I can do about that. That 50k fic is actually the only fic I've ever committed to rewriting in its entirety to better be able to try to fix it. Not sure if that's working
Sorry that I wrote you a novel lmao
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sa-tou · 3 years
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Chapter 139 + ending opinion
Okay..where do I begin, I already wrote something yesterday but now having read the English typeset I have come to this conclusion regarding the ending of SNK. (It’s a long post, may have some typo’s, which I will try to fix while editing the post)
Disclaimer: Isayama has my respect, even if I may not agree on all points I want to thank him for years of hard work and bringing us a beautiful story, that being said his story is not immune to criticism and so I will write this with my fullest and honest opinion. (Do not send Isayama or any of the voice actors and anime production staff any hate, if you didn’t like the ending that’s fine! But do not harass anyone else because of it)
Here goes:
Chapter 139, what can I say, even after reading it in English I cannot seem to like it.
Why? First of all, Ymir’s love…oh god I dreaded writing this but, her love it’s not comparable to Mikasa’s, that’s why I am unable to link the two, but at the same time I don’t see them as very different characters either. Let me elaborate, Ymir was a slave who had her whole family killed by king Fritz, had her tongue cut out and was impregnated at a very young age because she has the power of the titans, Ymir falling in love with him is nothing short of Stockholm Sydrome. Sure Mikasa being able to kill Eren and end it, was something Ymir couldn’t do but WHY and WHEN was Ymir ever in love with King Fritz…back to Mikasa, she let go of Eren, but in the end she really didn’t (Eren wishing she’d never move on came true). Yes you can mourn your loved ones for how long you want but, why did Isayama have to put her in a position where she is always tied to Eren, she never had her own character growth, because when we thought she finally let go of Eren, she returns with the scarf and ends up crying at his grave for the last 3 years (kind sounds like how Ymir started off wandering alone in Paths no?) regardless the EreMika built up came out of nowhere and it was to sudden for me to actually believe any of it. Opinions may differ but, it’s lackluster and well, to me SNK was never about romance, so this whole romance subplot was meaningless and shat on every character who died in this manga.
What also irked me is, Reiner’s character. SUCH A GREAT character, so much build up, so much amazing storytelling and he ends up not dying, nor sacrificing himself, no instead he ends up sniffing Historia’s letter… I still like Reiner but, this development went straight down the trash bin.
Also Historia having a baby, but why? We’ll never know. She supported Eren’s rumbling plan, but why? We’ll never know. Paradis turned into a dictatorship with fascist leaders, but why? Fuck it I don’t give a fuck.
But what I do wonder is, is Armin this naive? Does he think nations will just sign a peace treaty? No way, geopolitical relationships don’t work like that, look at the real world, we are constant war because people can’t set aside difference, now people want to tell me that after Eren stomped on 80% of the world’s population, they want to just be at peace? I don’t think so, especially now that Eldians no longer have titan powers, have zero advanced technology in weapons..Makes no sense.
The worm…wtf was it, why was it there, who stopped it and where did it go? It had a mind of it’s own and even after Zeke and Eren dying it still kept going so my question is, what was the purpose of introducing this shit and then not to further elaborate on it? Why did everyone have to turn into titans for them to turn back into humans in no time? Why not just take the sad route and have every shifter die and have Ymir reborn as a free girl, because I thought Ymir was shackled to paths because she couldn’t be a free human, that’s why the rebirth theory sounded so plausible, but now all Ymir is, is a Stockholm syndrome patient who was waiting to…..what the hell even happened to Ymir? Where’d she go, why did she leave, what was her fucking purpose in the end. You want to tell me that she put so many people and teenagers under stress because King Fritz wanted more women than just Ymir? Jfc.
Now to Eren, so we know Eren was always a crybaby and never fully mature to do what he did, but what the fuck was this chapter? Sure he loves his friends and wants them to be save but, how did you go from “I know what I need to do and this is why I must start the rumbling” to, “I don’t man, just felt like it, I love Mikasa and you all so I don’t want to die but I don’t know Ymir wanted this and I don’t know what Ymir wants”, like did Yams stop remembering his own story here?
Regardless, Eren dying is a good thing, he could not and should not be redeemed for mass genocide, I think we can all agree on this. But my whole issue is, why put the warriors, especially Reiner, through so much shit, when you started the whole massacre on your own. One chapter was all it took to butcher Eren’s persona, then again he was never my favorite so I couldn’t care less about him.
Another point, he says he will give everyone their memories back once he dies, they will learn about his plan. Sure, but why do Mikasa and Levi experience this? Is this the cause of their headaches? I don’t get it, wasn’t the whole plot that Ackermanns under no circumstance could be mind manipulated…so how the fuck did Eren pull this off? It just took that subplot and flushed it down the toilet.
ZEKE, the only man with an actual plan and he died for no reason, just like Porco, Marcel, Ymir, Marco, Erwin, Hanji, Shadis, Colt, Magath and every other character that died for no reason.
The ending to me feels like a bad EreMikaMin fanfic, it just left so many plot holes untouched and now we are left wondering wtf all the other 137 chapters were for.
To end this post, up until chapter 132 I really really really liked the story, after that I feel like Isayama just wanted to finish the story and just did what the shippers wanted and finished the story in a wholesome way without really tying up any loose ends. It’s a shame but, it is what it is.
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Here's sum more random Jumin contrnt pftttt
I've been feeling in such a Jumin mood lately asnsnsn so lemme just write it pftt
Btw sorry for all the friggin typos on the last one holy shit, it was three am and I was falling asleep while writing it 😅 I will try to edit this one before posting hehe
Practice (Jumin x MC)
You smiled as you browsed through your instagram page. There were pictures about coffee, probably from Jaehee, a meme about how annoying school was by Yoosung, even more memes by Saeyoung, a new musical poster by Zen, and a picture that Jihyun and Saeran took together while standing on a field of beautiful flowers. You gently smiled as you thought about your friends, and you couldn't help but smile wider as you thought about the amazing man that you had behind you at this moment.
"My love, is everything alright?" Jumin asked, and you sighed happily.
"Yeah, yeah, I was just... well thinking about the RFA and such. I can't believe how lucky I am to have someone like you all in my life."
Jumin stopped for a second and you could hear the smile on his face as he replied, "I find myself thinking about that most of the time too. And we're all extremely lucky to have you by our sides too MC."
You blushed and shyly mumbled about how Jumin was way too adorable for his own good, and then you tried to look somewhere else as you saw his smile grow bigger.
"Anyhow, enough of that Jumin! Are you done yet?"
Jumin nodded and handed you a small mirror. "I have to admit that I think this is one of my best works" he said proudly. You didn't say anything and crossed your fingers, hoping that this time it was true.
It wasn't.
You looked at your hair in the mirror. It was sticking out in some places, since they had been able to escape the hair ties that were in your hair. You didn't know what exactly he had tried to do, but you imagined it was something between a braid and a bun.
You turned around to look at your husband, proudly smiling at you.
"I really believe this time I got everything right." He said, and you tried your best to hide your laugh, but immediately failed.
Jumin looked at you confused and you quickly got up from the floor and got on top of him, straddling him while wrapping your arms around his neck.
"Oh Jumin I absolutely and utterly love you!! You are the light of my life and I don't know what I would ever do without you! But I beg of you, please try to give up on trying to style my hair!!!"
As you pulled away you saw Jumin place a finger under his chin. "That's weird. I thought I did everything right, according to the video."
"Jumin, my beautiful darling, love of my life. I appreciate you trying to practice your hair styling abilities on me, but I think we've been through enough messy hairstyles to admit that, sadly, you can't exactly....well....style other people's hair." You then winced as you tried to gently take off a hair tie from your hair.
"That's strange though...I followed every single instruction, and I did the procedure the right way..."
"Jumin I look like Mafalda, or those cartoon witches that have their hair poking out everywhere. Let's just try to admit that you can't braid hair."
Jumin sighed and then caressed your cheek. "Well, then can I just say that you look beautiful?"
You blushed and laughed as you gently pushed his chest. "Jumin! I seriously look like I just woke up from a very violent night of sleeping! Honey, let's just admit that you're as good at styling hair as good as you are at driving."
He sighed. "Well I guess you are right. Still it doesn't make me feel happy to hear how bad I am at styling hair from the love of my life."
You giggled as you saw Jumin pout. Then, you kissed his nose and leaned your forehead against his.
"Jumin, it's fine if you can't style hair. You're pretty amazing at other stuff! Besides no matter how smart and wonderful you are, nobody can really be perfect at everything. Not even the most perfect man in the world." You booped his nose and Jumin smiled.
"I guess you are right love. It is a shame though. If we ended up having a daughter in the future, I wanted to be able to braid her hair while she gets ready for school."
You felt your eyes widen as you gasped and pulled away from Jumin, a very satisfied smile on his face.
"Wh- I-I mean, J-Jumin!"
"Yes my love?"
You felt yourself flush and tried your best to keep your composure. "F-firstly, that is absolutely adorable! And second, h-how did you....find out?"
"That you were pregnant?" He asked, raising an eyebrow." You nodded and he ran his fingers through your now loose hair. "I saw one of the maids throwing the test out."
"But I told them to-!"
"I talked to her and she let me see the test."
You chuckled. "You mean you almost scared her half to death and she showed you the test."
"I did not. I just reminded her that as her boss and client, she shouldn't refuse to let me see the things she found at my house."
"Jumin!!!"
"I did offer her a few days off though. In fact, I took a few days off myself. I was in a great mood after finding out that I was going to have a child with my beautiful wife."
You blushed. "Well...I would've still wanted to tell you myself....I wanted to surprise you...and now that I think about it, I'm sure the whole RFA knows too, knowing you. Wait, is this why Yoosung suddenly came up to me and hugged me while crying last time!?"
Jumin nodded. "I only told V. But it seems that Saeyoung managed to hack into out messages and find out."
"Oh that little!!!-"
"Love. It's fine. I honestly want to throw a big party, and tell the whole world about how happy I am to have a child with the most wonderful person in the world."
You felt yourself soften up as you looked at your husband's happy smile.
"Well...fine. Just....don't snoop through my trash next time."
"Honestly I feel like you weren't going to tell me unless I did. It's been almost a month."
"I was waiting for the right time!"
He chuckled. "I know love, but you should've told me the moment you got the test results."
"I wanted it to be special! Besides you were so busy with work, and I'm sure the whole business with the Italian client was stressing you out...I was just a bit scared about how you'd reply."
Jumin's features softened and he gently kissed your cheek. "Nothing you ever say or do will ever stress me out." Then, he kissed your nose. "Especially not something like this. I....I can't believe how lucky I am to be with you. I never thought I'd get to see the day where I would get to have a family of my own." He then kissed your lips. "That was all until I met you, and you changed everything. You helped me and the RFA so much. And now, you're fulfilling a dream that I never thought I'd get to see. Thank you MC."
You blushed and gently kissed him back.
"I love you Jumin."
"I love you too."
"But I'm still mad about how you knew ahead of time."
"That's fair." He chuckled.
"And I need to beg of you, if we do end up having a daughter to never get near her hair."
He laughed. "Of course love, I'll leave all the hair hijinks to you."
"What- no, not me either, I can't do anything with hair! Last time I tried to braid it, I need up taking half of it off."
"Then I guess we'll just have to hire someone else to do her hair."
"Or we could let her be homeschooled and not get out of the house until she learns how to comb her own hair."
You both laughed and held each other tighter. Later that day the whole RFA came to visit you and congratulate you both, and you couldn't help the big smile on your face the whole afternoon. You were truly lucky to have them all in your life, and you'd never trade it for anything else.
......
You both ended up hiring a maid to help you with your kid's hair. They did not deserve the absolute chaos that unleashed as soon as you and Jumin got your hands on a hair brush and tried to make a braid.
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birthdaysentiment · 4 years
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hiii everyone! even though i haven’t been here for that long, i still wanted to make one of these as well. because even though i always scream and write long essays in the tags, i just wanted to tell you how thankful i am for every single one of you amazing and wonderful people. you all deserve so much love! ✨
last year for me was just crazy, weird, confusing and just... different, but i knew i could always come to this place as an escape for what was happening around me, and soon this became a place where i found so much more than what i could have hoped for. back in the beginning of april i decided to make this tumblr and i'm so happy i did, because i honestly don’t know what i would have done without tumblr, wtfock (and sobbe), this fandom and just every single one of you! you have all giving me so much joy and happiness, you are some of my biggest inspirations, and you always make me feel so loved and appreciated, that i just can’t help but smile just thinking about it. i’ll never be able to thank every single one of you for all of it, but i hope this long sappy post will somehow. i want to thank every single one for everything you’ve blessed us with last year. without all of your edits, gifs, fics, memes, posts, reblogs, likes, comments, asks and so much more, this place wouldn’t be the same and i'm so happy to be a part of this fandom ✨
even though last year was what it was, i still hope it was able to give you some happiness in whatever way it was, because you all deserve only the best. i will definitely remember last year for being the year where i met some of the most amazing people in my life, where i got the chance to scream, cry, laugh and clown with everyone of you that share the same love for a belgian tv-show as i do. i hope this year will give you all the love, happiness, positivity and success that you deserve, because you’re all so amazing and i'm so happy and proud to call you my mutuals! ✨
this is so sappy i know, but once again thank you for everything and i can’t wait to experience this year with all of you! i am so thankful for everyone, and i love you all very much. thank you for being you! (also, there’s a way too long ramble under the cut, because why not) ✨
@mijnlief eline, love! i don’t even know where to start, and even though i properly wrote you a hundred messages yesterday, it still isn’t enough to tell you how much you mean to me. meeting you was the best thing that happened to me in 2020, and it honestly wouldn’t have been the same without you. our endless skypecalls is the highlight of my week and you just always know what to say or do to make me smile and feel happy, whether it’s with your gifs, fics, drabbels, messages or just your amazing personality. i know this year is gonna be amazing for the both of us and i can’t wait to experience it all with you. but the thing i look forward to the most is to give you the biggest hug ever! you’re so important to me, and i love you so much! ✨
@onzeziggy laurien! in such a short amount of time you’ve become such an amazing friend to me, and i’m so thankful for haven gotten the chance to know you. i can’t believe we only started talking like a month ago, because it feels like i've known you for much longer. thank you for always blessing my day with your attacks whether it’s your posts, edits, tags or messages, you just know what’s important in love and life and i’m so grateful for that. i can’t wait to scream with you when we get some new content and just talk with you some more. i love you lots! ✨
@annonymannonym alice! you’re one of the sweetest and kindest human beings on this site and i’m so thankful for having gotten the chance to get to know you this year. thank you for always attacking me with your beautiful edits and gifs, you know i much i love them, and for always sending me the best meme pictures in our conversation, you really are a blessing and you’re so important to me and i love you lots! ✨
@indimlights rodrigo! you’re the sweetest person ever and i can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me the last year, whether it was writing the sweetest tags, the loveliest messages or giving me the best christmas present ever, that i'll never be able to thank you enough for. you’re so incredible sweet to everyone and please keep that going, because you make so many people smile. i love you lots!✨
@franboos fran! you have the ability to always brighten up my day! you’re full of so much life, laughter and joy and i love you for the person that you are! please keep the typos, your edited pictures and the music suggestion coming, because i’m living for them! i love you lots queen! ✨
@hopelessromanticvirgo elene! you have no idea how much all your stories mean to me, whether it’s your fics or so/me au’s that i’m so in love with. i always look forward to the next day because i know you’ll be there to bless me with your amazing talent. i love you lots bb and thank you for being the sweetest and kindest person ever! ✨
@driesenrobbe @zoesrobbe @welcometo-saturn @dreamaur @earthling-isa @theflowerisblue @fatouuuu @dagcutie @nyttvera @tsjernobyl @mirroroferisedx @to-enter-polaris @alinok @sanderxrobbee @veerledejaegers @sander-klaas 
thank you so much for blessing me with the most beautiful and creative gifs i've ever seen. honestly, i always get so amazed every time i see one of your creations and i take myself starring at them for so long because i just admire everything that you do. thank you for creating such amazing content, this fandom wouldn’t be the same without all of you. i appreciate everything every single one of you do and i love you all lots! one day i hope i'll be able to make something as pretty as all of you do, and thank you for being such a big inspiration! ✨
@robbesdriesen @ayellowcurtain @peaceoutofthepieces @jensrolt @misunderstoododdity @sonderthroughthestreets @fockinglevendcliche @itubainaretro @honeyandsinn @thenerd10 @phascinationphases @universe-n-3276 @sobbefairytales 
thank you to every single one of you for writing the most amazing fics, one-shots, multi-chaptered fics, drabbels, head canons and so much more, because it’s all such a blessing. you’ve all inspired me to wanting to write some more myself, and i honestly feel like i've learned so much more about robbe and sander by reading all of your beautiful stories. thank you for taking the time to bless everyone with it, whether it’s here on tumblr or on ao3. this place wouldn’t be the same without you and thank you for making the time during season 4 and the hiatus so much easier, i don’t know what i would have done without you! i love you all lots! ✨
@gucciboner @pamouche @hidden-joy @happilyinsane @stardustcontrol @mrijzermans @gele-gordijnen @allee-sander @jenschilt @skam-wtfock-sobbe @wtfockaesthetic @driesendotkom @remy3010 @hopetofantasy @lieverobbe and everyone else (i'm so sorry if i forgot anyone, it’s the last thing i want, because i love and appreciate you all very much, thank you for making this fandom what it is)
a special thanks to all of you for always being so supportive of everyone, for reacting such lovely content and for just being a part of this fandom, for keeping it alive and for just blessing my day whenever i see you icon and name on my dash or in the tag. thank you for being who you are and i love you all lots! ✨
some of you are in more than one of these categories, and i appreciate you all for everything you’re blessing us and me with. i hope i get the chance to talk with even more of you this year! i love you all and happy new year to everyone! ✨
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bettsfic · 4 years
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I find it in comprehensible when people who give writing advice tell me to just write my first draft without thinking, to just let it flow without correcting typos or pausing to fix a certain sentence's structure. To make it messy, just get my ideas down, and edit later. But I do recognize that it's probably a more helpful way to get the story out initially. Do you have any tips on how to let myself just write without editing as I go?
i think as my own process evolves, i’m not becoming better at writing as much as growing more comfortable with bad writing, and patient enough to make it better. it’s frustrating sometimes that i used to be able to sit down and write something in one draft, read it over, and post it. but now i’ve just lost all ability to do that. even if i think i have a pretty solid idea of a story, i get to the end of a draft and realize i was all wrong. i rewrite it, and rewrite it again, and then maybe i’m happy with it. but i find that i’ll churn out an 80k first draft, and then keep maybe, if i’m lucky, 10% of it. for short stories, i’ll keep maybe a single sentence or two. those sentences tend to be what i call keystone sentences, in that they unveil some major work of the piece, and i needed to write a ton of words to get to them that i then throw away. 
on one hand, it’s such an arduous process that i am now very careful with the ideas i entertain, because i know even the simplest things will take a lot of work. on the other hand, i’ve found my writing is generally a lot better for it. i manage to work in more complicated conflicts and create more nuanced characters. 
but damn if it wouldn’t be nice to switch from one ideology to the other at will.
back when i was a Clean First Draft kind of writer, i remember being very self-conscious when other, more established writers would tell me that the Shitty First Draft was always superior, and that good stories took multiple rewrites. blood, sweat, and tears and all that. now, looking back, i really don’t think there’s anything wrong with the Clean First Draft, as long as it’s a process that makes you feel good and encourages you. 
there are many occasions where writers only opt for the Clean First Draft because they don’t yet know their own revision process, or because they’re afraid of their first try being wrong or bad. but there are also plenty of writers who do the Clean First Draft because they’ve done a lot of front-end work, and they take their time and think through scenes. i went to the Q&A of one author (sorry, i forget her name) who said she only really does “one” draft because she “combs” that draft hundreds of times while she adds to it. 
i think what changed my process from the Clean First Draft involved getting more comfortable with revision, until revision became a majority of the process. once you know what it feels like to see a major project through to its final form, to the literal presses, it’s a lot easier to write badly in the first draft, because you know what’s ahead, and you know how far off your finish line is. and that line will continue to get farther away as your self-standards raise with each project. 
so, i don’t think i ever really wanted to learn to write the Shitty First Draft. i wanted to learn revision, and in doing so, learned that the quicker and dirtier i got down that initial draft, the sooner i would know what the story was even about, and the sooner i could write it knowing what the fuck i wanted to say.
the more time you sink into an early draft, the less inclined you are to throw out what’s not working, because you took the time to make it pretty. if you’re making a ceramic cup, and the cup gets a crack in it and can’t hold liquid, you don’t then take the time to glaze and paint it, when you know you’re just going to have to make a new cup. 
so if you already have a comfort with revision and rewriting, and if a Clean First Draft isn’t written out of fear of imperfection, then that’s just your process. maybe the typo-fixing and sentence-structuring is just how you generate thoughts and make progress. 
but if you find you struggle to finish things, and you’re not happy with the things that you do finish, and the thought of being anything but perfect keeps you from writing, i think it’s worth it to focus on improving your rewriting and revision skills, so that you have more patience with early drafts. 
i hope this helps!! 
my carrd | writing advice masterdoc
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