#electricrituals

[jaskierswolf]

🥺 Hi!

Can I have a little fake dating Geraskier? With a side of kisses to prove they're together? That maybe turn into a real make out session later? Because the idiots love each other but have no braincells?

🥺💗🥺💗💗🥺💗🥺

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVELY!! 💖💖💖 This is also on AO3. ________

Jaskier pouted at Geralt as he rested his chin on his arms. Geralt glowered at him and took a long sip of his ale. They’d been arguing for a good half an hour already but Jaskier still wasn’t ready to give in. He jutted out his bottom lip and gazed up at the witcher. He understood why Geralt was hesitant. The last banquet they’d been to together had not exactly ended well but this one was delightfully free of royalty and as long as Geralt didn’t feel the need to call the Law of Surprise… then it would be fine.

“No,” Geralt grumbled. Jaskier let out a long sigh and tilted his head.

“Come on…”

“No!”

“Come on!” Jaskier whined.

“I’m not being your bodyguard,” Geralt insisted. “Stop looking at me like that.”

Jaskier winked at the witcher as he bit his lip. “Looking at you like what?”

Geralt grunted.

“So… you’ll come to the banquet to protect me,” Jaskier sang as he sat up and sipped his wine. “but not as my bodyguard?”

Geralt furrowed his brow and hummed.

Jaskier rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Well you still refuse to use the term friend so that won’t work. You’ll have to be my plus one!” He laughed at his own joke, ignoring the spike in his heartbeat.

Just a joke, Jask.

Geralt hummed and tilted his head. “Alright.”

Jaskier choked on his drink, spraying red wine all over the table. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I said alright.”

Jaskier whimpered incoherently, his heart was in his throat. “Geralt.”

“When I act as your bodyguard people try to hire me as a mercenary. I’m a witcher. I  kill monsters not people,” Geralt muttered. “Just tell them I’m your husband or something, should stop the cuckolds too.”

Jaskier let out a long shaky breath. Geralt meant they would pretend to be dating. Of course he meant as an act. Jaskier’s traitorous heart had just began to hope that just maybe his love for the witcher would be requited. Shattered hope was surely one of the cruelest emotions in the universe; a shining star that becomes a black hole.

Jaskier snorted and flicked his fringe from his eyes. “You are a terrible actor, witcher. It will never work.”

Geralt smirked. “Oh yeah?”

Jaskier felt a buzz of excitement. The thrill of performance was addictive and it never got old. Jaskier was sure he’d be performing until he was old and grey. “No one will ever believe it.”

Geralt hummed and stood up, picking up his swords. Jaskier followed Geralt’s movement across the tavern with his eyes, still a little stunned by the turn of events. How the fuck was he supposed to pretend he was in love with Geralt without revealing that he was, in fact, actually in love with Geralt?

He groaned and thumped his head down on the table. He should just not go. It wasn’t worth the embarrassment, and it wasn’t even a royal court. He should just tell Geralt not to bother.

Oh but he was weak. A whole evening living out his dreams. How could he say no?

He allowed himself a moment to ogle Geralt’s sinfully round arse whilst the witcher wasn’t looking in his direction, sighing wistfully. He wondered if he would be allowed to squeeze it tonight. It had been far too long since he’d had the chance to massage Geralt and his lovely bottom.

He licked his lips and then scurried after Geralt as the witcher headed upstairs. Geralt didn’t acknowledge him as they entered their shared room. Jaskier jumped onto his bed and crossed his legs whilst he watched Geralt adjust the straps on his armour.

“You’re not wearing that tonight,” He said with a tilt of his head.

Geralt glanced over his shoulder with an exasperated look. “Why not?”

“My husband would not be wearing worn out armour to a banquet. Honestly, if you must wear armour on all occasions at least acquire some ceremonial armour or something! Something that hasn’t been covered in monster guts,” Jaskier waved his hand in the Geralt’s general direction.

“Your husband is a witcher and needs to wear appropriate clothing,” Geralt shot back, raising his eyebrow.

Jaskier glared and scooted to the edge of the bed, “My husband would know that he isn’t going tonight as a witcher or a bodyguard, so doesn’t need to wear bloodied armour.”

“It’s not bloody.”

“Stop being facetious!” Jaskier snapped stalked over to glare at Geralt. His nose pressed right up into the witcher’s space and he gripped Geralt’s shoulder.

“I’m not.”

Jaskier poked him in the chest. “You are. You know I’m right now take. it. off!”

“My husband is a bossy little shit,” Geralt grumbled.

Jaskier eventually managed to convince Geralt that a shopping trip was in order. The witcher scowled the whole time but Jaskier noticed the small flicker of a smile when they found a rather lovely new set of armour. It was a dark navy blue with black leather panels and would look rather dashing on Geralt. Jaskier just had to persuade him that it was for special occasions only. It would be a tragedy if this got ruined by griffin claws or selkimore guts. It had been too expensive for that. ___________

Jaskier’s lute was tuned and ready.

It was show time.

“Come on, darling,” Jaskier cooed as he linked his arm through Geralt’s.

Geralt grunted but let Jaskier lead the way. Jaskier smiled sweetly as he greeted his fellow musicians for the evening. He would be leading the troupe for the night’s festivities but he’d played with a couple of them before. They were a good bunch.

“And this is my husband,” He sang and gazed up at Geralt with the adoration that he usually had to hide. “Geralt of Rivia.”

Essi laughed gaily and put her hands on her hips. “Husband? Since when?”

Jaskier let out a nervous laugh. “Oh umm…well, Geralt?”

Geralt hummed. “We were hand-fasted this winter. It was a quick engagement. Jaskier hadn’t noticed I’d been trying to court him for years, too busy buttering his biscuit elsewhere.”

Jaskier’s jaw dropped before he remembered he had to stay in character. “Ah yes. A beautiful ceremony,” He squeaked. “The mountains are just sublime in the winter.”

“Hmm. It was a dream come true,” Geralt added.

“For both of us,” Jaskier agreed, smiling dopily up at Geralt.

Oh gods, he could see it all so clearly. He’d never been to the witcher’s keep but he could feel the cold mountain air on his face. He could see the puffs of breath escaping Geralt’s lips as he said his vows, eyes shining with love. He wondered what the witcher would wear for such an occasion, perhaps his new armour, or a thick dark winter cloak. The sunlight would be glittering on the snowy mountain peaks as they kissed for the first time as husbands.

Jaskier blushed and chewed on his lip, suddenly unable to meet his witcher’s gaze. It was too much. He wanted this to be real.

Fuck.

Essi narrowed her eyes and glared between the two of them, her long blonde hair falling in front of her face. “Bullshit,” She said. “I don’t believe it for a second.”

Jaskier huffed. “And why not?”

“You’re oblivious Jaskier, but not that much. You’ve been pining over Geralt for years. You would have noticed if Geralt was trying to court you.” Essi cross her arms in front of her chest.

Geralt snorted. “You would think.”

Jaskier gasped and put his hands on his hips to mirror Essi, finally letting go of Geralt’s arm. “I’ll have you know that Geralt didn’t notice my pining either.”

“I did.”

Jaskier glared up at him. “You didn’t say anything, husband,” He said pointedly. “ergo you didn’t notice.”

“We’re married now, husband,” Geralt replied in the same tone. “Let’s not fight.”

Essi still wasn’t convinced. A mischievous smile danced on her lips and Jaskier’s heart sank. He knew exactly what she was going to say before the words left her lips. “Prove it.”

“What?” He snapped.

“You’re not wearing rings, I don’t believe you’re married, or even together. Melitele knows why you would be pretending though.”

Jaskier groaned. “We’re not going to…”

His words were muffled by Geralt’s lips on his. Geralt’s hands cupped either side of his face and his lute fell off his shoulders. Jaskier moaned softly and wrapped his arms around Geralt’s neck, kissing Geralt back in the way he’d always wished he could. If this was to be his only kiss with Geralt then he was bloody well going to make the most of it. Geralt’s hands slid into his hair as the kiss deepened. Jaskier whimpered against Geralt’s lips and he ran in his hands down Geralt’s back to grip his arse.

Geralt chuckled. “Behave, love.”

Jaskier opened his eyes and nipped at Geralt’s bottom lip. “Never, dearest.”

Geralt hummed and slid his hands to Jaskier’s lower back before dipping him towards the floor. Jaskier let out a surprised squeak before Geralt’s lips were on his. He melted into the kiss as Geralt pulled him back up to his feet.

Jaskier pouted as they parted, his lips chasing Geralt for one last peck. Geralt laughed softly and stroked a thumb along his cheek. His golden eyes bore down into Jaskier’s with such open affection that he felt weak at the knees.

“I love you,” Jaskier whispered, feeling the prickle of tears in his eyes. It was the only time he’d be allowed to say it out loud.

Fuck why did it hurt so much?

“Ok, alright, I get it. You’re married.” Essi snorted.

Both Geralt and Jaskier spun round to face her. Jaskier blushed, he’d forgotten his friend was there. “Yeah,” He muttered. “I. I need some air. I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll come with you,” Geralt suggested.

“No!”

Geralt frowned but nodded. Jaskier was surely imagining the disappointment in the witcher’s eyes.

“I won’t be long,” He muttered and then fled to the courtyard with his lute on his back.

The cold night air was blissful as he burst through the doors. It was too hot in the hall. Geralt was too much. He was supposed to be a terrible actor. Jaskier had seen Geralt’s acting and it was really not good but for some reason, for a few moments, Jaskier had been utterly convinced.

“Get a grip, Jask,” He ran his hands through his hair and looked up at the stars. “There was no wedding. It’s just an act. He doesn’t love you. Stop acting like a fool!”

He paced outside for a few minutes, fingers dancing on his lute strap. “He doesn’t love you,” He kept repeating the words. Each time was like a dagger in his heart but he prayed to all the gods that his heart would finally get the fucking message. “He will never love you.”

“Who told you that?”

Jaskier tripped up and barely managed to stay on his feet as his eyes found Geralt. The witcher was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed in front of his chest. He looked… amused?

The fucker.

“Well it’s fucking obvious isn’t it?” Jaskier snapped with a wide wave of his hands.

Geralt raised an eyebrow. “Is it?”

“Yes!” He paused. “Isn’t it?”

Geralt pushed off the wall and stalked towards Jaskier. Jaskier couldn’t help but stumble back. His heart was too fragile he wasn’t ready to face Geralt, not yet. Blasted witcher was getting his hopes up again. He whimpered as Geralt took his hand and brought his wrist up to his lips.

“No,” Geralt insisted.

“Oh.”

“Hmm.” Geralt turned Jaskier’s hand over and brushed a kiss against his knuckles. “At first I thought you knew. The new boots, sharing whatever I’d hunted, the necklace…” Geralt trailed off.

“Oh,” Jaskier said again, feeling his cheeks heat up. “I just thought… yay presents?”

Oh gods, he’d been an idiot.

“And then when I bought you the dagger last summer?” Geralt asked with a tilt of his head. “You just smiled and said thank you. Not even a kiss on the cheek. I knew then you had no idea. I’ve seen your dalliances, knew you weren’t bothered by propriety.”

Jaskier groaned and buried his face in Geralt’s chest. “I’ve been an idiot.”

“Mhmm.”

“I just thought you were sick of defending me all the time!”

Geralt snorted. “There’s that too.”

“So… the dagger?” Jaskier asked quietly. He was a former noble. He knew the significance of jewelled daggers as a courting gift, but he couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing.

“I was asking you to marry me.”

“Fuck,” Jaskier groaned. “Seriously, fuck it all. How did I not see? I’m supposed to be a bard!”

Geralt’s finger tilted his chin up and he pouted up at the witcher. “So you see, it’s not impossible.”

Jaskier smiled weakly and then laughed as he remembered, “That’s why you agreed to be my plus one!”

Geralt nodded. “You were joking but,” he shrugged “why not?”

“You knew I loved you!” Jaskier cupped Geralt’s cheek.

“I hoped.”

“Can I kiss you?” Jaskier asked quietly. “For real this time.”

Geralt smirked and brushed his nose against Jaskier’s. “Was real last time.”

“Geralt!” He whined.

“You can kiss me.”

And so he did.

That winter they were married at Kaer Morhen and it was everything that Jaskier had imagined and more. ______ Tag list: @alwenarin @slythnerd @davidtennan-t @flippinfricks @awitchersbard  @innocentcinnamonpun @marvagon @elliestormfound @geraskier-trashh @panerato @moonysourenza @artistsfuneral @victorieschild @hailhailsatan @wherethewordsare @havenoffandoms @bitchy-witchy-post-mortem @electricrituals @geralt-of-riviass @00qtee @kittynannygaming @stinastar @scribblesonmapleleaves @thecomfortofoldstorries @fontegagrilledcheese @anythinggoesfandoms @veritasrose

[elliestormfound]

37. “Hey, don’t raise your voice at me!” geraskier please :D

thank you for the prompt!! <3

this is from this prompt list

I tried not to think about this too much and just wrote down something short. I hope you like it!

CW: mention of minor injury

read on ao3

---

Geralt had just returned from a hunt and only grunted a greeting to Jaskier. The bard was standing at a small table with the back to him, counting the coins he had earned with his performance tonight. Without turning to Geralt he instantly started asking him questions about the fight, but when Geralt just responded with ‘hmm’s, Jaskier had shrugged and talked about his performance.

He heard Geralt sit down on the bed and turned around.

“And you won’t believe what the barmaid told…” but stopped mid sentence as he noticed the cut on Geralt’s forehead and walked over.

The witcher looked up at him with a scowl.

“Let me have a look,” Jaskier said softly but sternly, reaching over to place his hand on the side of Geralt’s head.

“It’s nothing,” the witcher mumbled.

Jaskier shook his head and fetched a clean piece of cloth from his bag, a bowl of water and a small pot with healing balm.

He dampened the cloth and as he reached over to Geralt once more, the witcher growled, “Jaskier!”

With an indignant huff the bard put his hands on his hips and said, “hey, don’t raise your voice at me!”

“I haven’t…” Geralt began but was interrupted by Jaskier saying “oh, hush!” before the bard unexpectedly made a quick step towards him and shoved Geralt’s upper body to the bed. Quickly he climbed on the bed and onto Geralt, straddling him with his legs left and right from the witcher’s hips. 

“What the…” Geralt tried to protest again and was - again - interrupted by his bard.

“Honestly, Geralt, stop complaining and let me take care of you.” 

They both knew that Geralt could have easily dodged Jaskier’s ‘attack’ and pushed him off and Jaskier counted it as a success that he hadn’t.

So the bard leaned forward, placed one hand next to Geralt’s head to balance himself and started to clean the cut. When he was done with that, he applied the healing balm. 

“That wasn’t so bad, was it now?” He asked with a smirk and a raised eyebrow and Geralt had to admit - in the privacy of his own mind - that he agreed.

[on-a-lucky-tide]

Howdy!

Heard you got a shitty anon 🙄 so I wanted to stop by and say I think you're neat and they suck. Can't understand why people would waste the time.

Keep up your amazing work and content for the fandom 💗 you're awesome

Ahh, cheers! Really appreciate the drop in

It's no drama, really. I've had a lot worse, and I know others get harassed all the time for such things.

Hopefully they've had a nice natter on Discord about what a dickhead I am, and got it out their system so they can get back to producing content.

I did read the post back a few times and thought that, if someone was just looking for reasons to be an ass, then maybe? But I mentioned a time when there was 14-ish pages of Eskel content and then started writing him from that; I've added a disclaimer to be extra clear. He wasn't widespread or that popular at the beginning of 2020. But eh, people that thrive on negativity will find a way.

I wish fandoms published their damned rules about not being allowed to be proud of your content and contributions...

[geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde]

Misery and Happiness Ch. 2

Chapter 1

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Summary: Word of an injured, possibly dead witcher has reached Jaskier in his travels and as much as he would like to walk away, he knows he can't.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Holding Geralt as tightly as possible, Jaskier urges Roach toward the village. Jaskier hears the gasps of the townspeople as he rides up to the inn and ignores them as he dismounts Roach as delicately as he can, trying not to let Geralt topple off.

“You!” Jaskier yells, pointing at a large man standing a few feet from the inn’s entrance, “Come help me get him inside.”

The man approaches hesitantly, looking warily towards Geralt’s limp form. “Oh hurry, would you. He’s unconscious how could he possibly hurt you?” Jaskier says impatiently, reaching to start sliding Geralt from the saddle. With some maneuvering, the two men manage to get Geralt out of the saddle and walk him inside the inn.

“Innkeep,” starts Jaskier as soon as they breach the door, “I need a room, preferably ground floor. Quickly if you don’t mind.” The innkeep, wide eyed, nods hurriedly and ushers the men along a hallway in the back where he unlocks the last door.

Depositing Geralt on one of the beds in the room, Jaskier turns to thank the man that helped carry him to find he has already left. Instead Jaskier turns to the innkeep and accepts the key from him. “Could you call for a bath? I need to clean his wounds quickly.” Jaskier says to the innkeep.

“Right away, I-I’ll have the boys bring it back right away,” the innkeep responds with a slight stutter. Jaskier nods his head and turns back to the witcher. This was not going to be fun.

-

Jaskier starts peeling off Geralt’s armor as the bath water is slowly brought in, wincing in sympathy as he takes stock of the witchers weakened form. It’s obvious that the man hasn’t eaten well in a while, or at all in the last few days. His body temperature is incredibly high, no doubt high enough that a regular human would be dead. Surely he was dehydrated as well, though Jaskier wasn’t sure just how long a witcher could go without water before dying.

Once the bath was filled and Jaskier had barred the door, Jaskier removed the last of Geralt’s clothes and filled a bucket with the warm bath water. He started to wipe off the worst of the caked-on blood and dirt on Geralt’s skin, making sure there were no other hidden wounds. Other than the ugly festering gash on his side he seemed relatively healed.

Jaskier dumped the bucket of dirty water out the window of the room and refilled it before rolling the Witcher on his uninjured side. Taking a deep breath, Jaskier reached for the dagger at his belt. He ran the sharp blade through the flame of the candle at the bedside a few times before sending off a quick prayer that the pain didn’t wake Geralt. Quickly and efficiently, Jaskier cut along the wound and did his best not to gag as it immediately started to drain.

The bard set to cleaning the wound, silently cursing Geralt for getting into trouble. After cleaning the wound out he managed to get Geralt into the bath. As he settled the large man along the wall of the tub Geralt finally stirred, letting out a pained groan. “Geralt?” Jaskier asked, setting his hands on Geralt’s shoulder. Geralt shifted slightly but made no other noise, never opening his eyes.

Jaskier frowned heavily. Surely the fever was due to the infection, and presumably so was everything else, but what if Jaskier was missing something? Jaskier wasn’t sure what exactly happened to witchers facing the effects of toxicity, just that it was dangerous, could even be lethal. But Geralt didn’t look like he did any other time he had taken too many potions.

Once Jaskier was sure Geralt wouldn’t slump into the bathwater and drown, he left Geralt to soak and started looking through Geralt’s belongings. He didn’t have as many potions on him as he usually liked to carry, perhaps ingredients had been hard to come by. Or had Geralt taken too many? Jaskier identified a bottle of White Honey and decided that it wouldn’t hurt. Just in case there were any potions in his system, hopefully this would cancel the effects.

Jaskier hurried back to the tub and coaxed the bottle of White Honey down Geralt’s throat, watching to see if there was any change in the witcher. When he didn’t see any difference, good or bad, he set to washing the last of blood and dirt from Geralt.

Once Jaskier has Geralt settled in bed, dressed in some relatively clean small clothes, Jaskier focuses back on the wound in Geralt’s side. It’s bleeding still, but very slowly thanks to his witcher healing. It’s still a large wound and Jaskier would feel better if Geralt were to take a bottle of Swallow to speed up the healing. Jaskier disinfected the wound and bandaged it up best he could before walking back to Geralt’s saddle bag. The White Honey would have counteracted any other toxicity so it should be perfectly safe to give Geralt another potion. Particularly one that would help him heal.

Hesitantly Jaskier returns to Geralt’s side. Making up his mind, he props Geralt up and pours the bottle of Swallow into his mouth, massaging his throat to help get it down. Jaskier gently lays Geralt back on the bed and closes his eyes. Please let him be okay.

-

Laying in his bed across the room from Geralt, Jaskier couldn’t sleep. His worry for Geralt and his worry that he would be sent away as soon as Geralt awoke had his mind racing.

Jaskier knew he wasn’t welcome by Geralt’s side any longer and as soon as the witcher was lucid he knew he would have to part ways with him again. The pain at the thought had Jaskier reeling, he never realized that emotional pain could manifest physically. At least, he hadn’t realized before the mountain.

That stupid day, that stupid dragon hunt, that blasted witch. That gods-damned emotionally constipated witcher, so insistent on ruining everything.

Jaskier knew he wasn’t to blame for all Geralt’s problems, was fairly sure that Geralt also knew that. What Jaskier wasn’t sure about was what went on in the witcher’s head. Why Geralt was lashing out. How to help. But Jaskier also knew that he was tired and hurting, the witcher’s words cutting deep, no matter how his logical brain justified the witcher’s actions.

And that’s when he, the White Wolf’s Bard, walked away.

Geralt was hurting and he pushed Jaskier away. And Jaskier had left. He had no regrets for his decision, he couldn’t handle the abuse. Geralt’s problems were his own and Jaskier wouldn’t be blamed for them any longer.

So maybe Geralt wouldn’t want him here when he awoke but Jaskier didn’t particularly care what the witcher wanted. Jaskier would continue to see to his injuries and once Geralt was healed, Jaskier would leave.

[skai6]

I blame @jaskierswolf for getting me extra invested in the bards

Accept this small offering

Also tagging those whom this might concern @electricrituals @kueble @damatris @selectivegeekwithstandards

[lovelyrita1967]

Jaskier: You need to come over right now.

Geralt: ...

Jaskier: Geralt! This is serious!

Geralt:...

Jaskier: I know you are reading these, I can see the 3 dots.

Jaskier: I need your help.

Geralt: What did you do

Jaskier: How dare! I didn’t do anything!

Jaskier: I didn’t want to alarm you, but.... there’s a dragon in my backyard.

Geralt: No there isn’t

Jaskier: YES THERE IS! I’M LOOKING AT IT RIGHT NOW!

Jaskier: Wings, tail, claws...

Geralt: It can’t be. Send a pic

Jaskier: [pic]

Geralt: That’s a wyvern

Jaskier:...

Jaskier: OKAY GERALT THERE IS A WYVERN IN MY BACKYARD

Geralt: On my way. Just stay inside. And away from windows

Jaskier: It’s trying to eat my patio umbrella

Geralt: Get away from the windows

Jaskier: Do you think it’s hungry? What could I feed it?

Geralt: Do not feed her anything

Geralt: Jaskier?

Geralt: JASKIER. DO NOT FEED HER ANYTHING

Geralt: Damnit Jaskier, if I get there and you’re dead....

Jaskier: Doesn’t feel so good to be ignored does it?

Geralt: Fuck’s sake

Jaskier: Are you texting while driving? That’s really dangerous, Geralt.

Geralt: You want me to come kill a wyvern but you’re worried about me texting while driving?

Jaskier: Well if you die in a fiery crash on the way who’s going to save me?

Geralt: Eskel would probably come

Geralt: I don’t know about Lambert

Jaskier: I don’t want you to die in a fiery crash!

Geralt: It’s fine, witcher senses. I won’t crash.

Geralt: I’ll be there in 5 minutes

Jaskier: Shit Geralt, it’s looking at me through the window.

Geralt: Avoid eye contact

Jaskier: What will it do if I look at it?

Geralt: She. She’s a female.

Jaskier: Excuse me. Will SHE try to eat me if I look at HER?

Geralt: She might try to get in

Jaskier: WHAT WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME THAT

Geralt: She probably won’t. But in case she does, maybe go hide in your bedroom? Can you push all your furniture in front of your door?

Jaskier: Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME

Geralt: It’s fine

Jaskier: Geralt, in case she gets in, there’s something you should know.

Geralt: I’m here. Don’t tell me.

Jaskier: You’re here? Oh I see you.

Jaskier: Wow nice move. That was.... nice.

Jaskier: Is that new armour?

Jaskier: Wait you’re leaving?

Geralt: She’s dead

Jaskier: What do I do with a giant wyvern carcass?

Geralt: The city will be round soon to pick up. I sent them a notice. 

Jaskier: Geralt, wait! Are you sure you don’t want to come in for dinner? A drink?

Geralt: ...

Geralt: Well okay. One drink.

@oxbridge-quality-fanfiction-co @ro-the-bard-writer @chaotic-bard @fontegagrilledcheese @electricrituals @spacewitchqueen @valley-of-plenty @geraskier-trashh @stinastar @panerato @carmillacarmine @jaskierswolf @anie6142 @gosh-diddley-darnit @distractedbyfandoms @swx3detfgy-blog @marvagon @tossacointoyourcostumedesigner

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Slutty Christmas Elf

~with softness~

@electricrituals​ hit me with this delightful prompt : “Hey babe! <3 I have a Christmas prompt idea if you're interested... I'm thinking Geralt is a Mall Santa (unwillingly, probably because he lost a bet, most likely to Lambert) and Jaskier is one of Santa's Elves. Sparks fly and things get NSFW in a... broom closet? Bathroom? Anywhere they absolutely should NOT be ;)” and you bet your ass I sat in the corner of the living room after Thanksgiving dinner listening to Mariah Carey and Kelly Clarkson sing Christmas songs while writing some hoey Christmas smut on my phone. 

Warnings: well its smutty so 18+ plz, anal fingering, anal sex, gentle dom vibes (no i currently cant write Jask any other way), trying (and failing) to keep quiet, v inappropriate use of a mall storage closet lmao, not a whole lot of up front communication but what is consent if not showing up to a closet for a booty call?  A shitload of swearing - as usual

________________

"You promised, Geralt. Sit your ass down and get the fat pads on your thigh. They'll get sore if you don't." Lambert dangled the red Santa hat in front of Geralt's face with a devious grin. 

Geralt snatched it out of his hands, "Technically, I didn't even lose the bet…" 

Lambert had been walking away but he turned around when he caught the mutter, "Oh, I'm sorry? How many wings did you eat?" 

Geralt rolled his eyes and shoved the hat over his hair. 

"How many? Couldn't hear you!" 

"Twelve…" Geralt sighed. 

Lambert grinned, "That's RIGHT. Don't bet your Saturday on hot wings with me," he damn near skipped back behind the camera. 

Geralt sat for light tests and someone slapping him with a makeup sponge full of blush before he was finally allowed to go get his coffee. 

In the green room all the elves were lounging around, most on their phones, but one was hopping on one foot trying to get those stupid little booties on. 

He only barely had time to set his coffee down before he had an arm full of swearing elf.

"Fuck! Shit, I'm sorry. The cunts just don't fucking fit." The elf stood himself up, using Geralt's shoulder to keep upright as he finally yanked the bootie on. 

Geralt chuckled, "You know this is a kids event right?" 

The elf straightened up, hand formerly gripping Geralt's shoulder now sliding down his biceps as his bright blue eyes sparkled, "Then why'd they hire such a handsome Santa?" 

Geralt blushed, sure the makeup wasn't going to hide his embarrassment, "Lost a bet," he stammered. 

"Good thing we both have more wholesome friends," the elf winked, nodding over to a blonde girl with a guitar on her lap, "I'm Jaskier." 

"Geralt!" Lambert hollered from the hall and Geralt deflated, his eyes nearly rolling out onto the ground. 

"That's me," he squeezed Jaskier’s elbow before walking away, "You gonna stay standing without me?" 

Jaskier grinned, "I'm already swooning." 

Geralt did his best to keep himself from giggling as he jogged back over to Lambert. 

Jaskier, it turned out, was actually very good with kids, especially the ones who were scared but Geralt absolutely didn't pay close attention to him at all. He most certainly didn't look at his ass when he bent down to tie a kids shoe, and he would never glance over at him whenever he heard a particularly musical peak of laughter. Nope. Not Geralt.

Jaskier caught him looking more than he'd like to admit, winking every time. It sent a little swarm of butterflies through his insides and he'd only just met the man. Honestly who the fuck did Geralt think he was? 

When lunch break was called Jaskier made an excuse to sashay up to him and lightly hip-check him, "Hey there big guy. Enjoy your show?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Geralt nearly lost his breath, "So that was intentional?" 

Jaskier rested his elbow on Geralt's shoulder and lowered his voice as Geralt instinctively placed a hand at his back, "We've got an hour and forty minutes before lunch is over…" 

Geralt's eyes bulged but he felt a heat shoot through his body at the suggestion, "How do you want to spend the break?"

Jaskier licked his lips and stood on his tiptoes to whisper in his ear, "Supply closet past the bathrooms. 5 minutes." 

Jaskier snagged his wallet before he jogged out of the greenroom and down the hall. Geralt was frozen in place. 

Was he really gonna do this? He didn't even know Jaskier’s last name. He might not even have a condom on him. Unless there was one in his gym bag? Yep. He was definitely gonna do this... maybe. 

Lambert appeared out of nowhere while he was rifling through his bag, "Hey! Wanna get lunch at the taco place? My treat." 

Fuck. 

"Uh… rain check? I have uh… have to let Roach out." Geralt snagged his keys and wallet, praying Lambert didn't hear the little crinkle of foil he's hastily tucked into a card slot. 

Lambert quirked an eyebrow at him but shrugged it off, "Long as you're back on time." 

Geralt was speed walking down the hall, internally debating just how good of an idea this was. He might just walk past to his truck and actually go let his dog out. Nope. He glanced up and down the hall before cracking the door open. 

It was dark. Fuck. 

Before his self esteem could take a nosedive the door next to it opened and Jaskier leaned out, "That wasn't five minutes. Get in here. If Lambert finds us that's on you." 

Geralt cupped Jaskier's face and pressed their lips together, kissing him back into the dimly lit room and closing the door behind him, "He's caught me doing worse." 

"Mmm! Top or bottom?" Jaskier squeaked between kisses as he unzipped Geralt from the ridiculous Santa suit. 

He pulled back to step out of the onesie, left in his briefs and undershirt, "What?"

Jaskier was already peeling off his green leggings, "You wanna fuck? Or be fucked?" 

Geralt's cock twitched to life as he sheepishly admitted, "Be fucked." 

Jaskier groaned and bit his lip as he dug a condom out of his wallet, "Merry Christmas to me." 

Geralt chuckled, tossing his condom to Jaskier, "You're getting my hopes up." 

"Oh, darling," a dangerous look flashed in Jaskier's eyes, "pants off, face the door." 

Geralt shivered at his tone and did as he was told, pressing his hands to the cold metal and glancing back over his shoulder. Jaskier tore open one of the packs and rolled the condom over his fingers before coming to stand behind Geralt. 

"Are you going to be good and stay quiet for me?" 

Oh fuck. Geralt's breath hitched at his words and his cock ached to be touched. He bit his lip and nodded vigorously. 

Jaskier ran his other hand over his shoulders and back, guiding his feet back a bit so his ass was better presented, "You like that? Being told what to do? Giving up control?" 

Geralt pressed his forehead on the door, his breath coming in gasps already, "Yes, just don't call me 'honey'."

Jaskier pressed a kiss to his shoulder, "Wouldn't dream of it. Ready?" 

Geralt nodded and Jaskier dragged his two fingers over Geralt's hole, making use of the lube on the condom as best he could. Geralt shivered, and pushed out a breath to keep from moaning as Jaskier massaged his rim. 

"That's it, just relax. Let me make you feel good." Jaskier whispered in his ear, stroking his side and kissing the back of his neck, "Do you want to touch yourself?" 

Geralt hadn't even realized he was waiting for permission but fuck did he want to, "Please?" 

Jaskier stepped to the side a bit, still massaging Geralt while he tipped his chin toward him and kissed him, "Do what you want, love." 

Geralt gripped his cock and pumped ever so slowly, stifling another moan. Jaskier mouthed at his jaw and behind his ear as he slowly pushed one finger in, just to the first knuckle. Geralt's rhythm faltered and he gasped, "More." 

Jaskier's breath was shaky as he began pumping and curling his finger, looking for that lovely little spot. 

"Two," Geralt gasped, "you won't reach it without two fing-ehmm!"

Jaskier did exactly as he was told and a wave of pleasure rolled through Geralt's body, "Like…. This?" Jaskier curled his fingers again and held the pressure on Geralt's prostate for a few seconds while Geralt trembled. 

He whined as he nodded, canting his hips back. 

Jaskier stilled his ministrations and gathered Geralt to his chest to whisper in his ear, "I thought you said you'd be quiet for me?" 

"I can," Geralt whispered, "I promise." 

Jaskier hummed and pressed his palm over the center of Geralt's chest, "I'm going to add another finger. But you have to keep quiet." 

Geralt's hand pressed over Jaskier's, "I will. I will." He panted. 

Jaskier did as he'd said and Geralt bit down on his lip, finally feeling almost full. Jaskier began pumping again, pressing his own erection against Geralt's hip, "Good boy." 

Geralt rocked back against Jaskier's bulge, fucking himself on his fingers, "I'm ready." 

"You sure?" 

"One hundred percent." 

Jaskier pressed against his prostate one more time before slipping his hand out, making Geralt shudder and bite his knuckle to suppress a groan. Jaskier had the second condom out and ready almost immediately, lining himself up at Geralt's entrance as he ran his hands over his back in long soothing strokes. 

"You tell me when," Jaskier cooed, "pause for pause, stop for get out, work?" 

Geralt nodded and repeated the code before leaning against the door on one elbow with his palm flat against the metal, "Go ahead." 

Jaskier moaned as he slowly and steadily pushed in. Geralt twisted his hand over the head of his cock and almost forgot how to exhale he was so full. Jaskier slowly began rocking back and forth, maybe a centimeter or two at a time. As he started to thrust in earnest the bells on his costume started to jingle in time. 

Geralt tried to ignore it, but it was just so ridiculous and he was going to start laugh soon, "Jask, p-pause," he chuckled.

Jaskier froze, a hand coming to Geralt's neck and jaw, asking him wordlessly to look at him, "what is it?"

"The bells. Its- fuck it's too funny." 

Jaskier laughed as he peeled his shirt off and tossed it in a heap with his leggings, "Thank gods, they’re annoying." 

Geralt huffed in amusement as he rocked his hips a bit but his breaths quickly turned to pants as Jaskier picked up his pace again. For as quiet as he'd told Geralt to be, Jaskier was moaning wantonly whenever Geralt clenched or hummed as he brushed his prostate. 

Geralt had given up stroking his cock in favor of squeezing at the base for a while when Jaskier finally said he was close, staving off his orgasm as long as he could. The sweet slick fullness mixed with the near panic of constantly being on the edge was intoxicating and Geralt wanted to hang onto every second. 

Jaskier held his hips and squeezed like he'd really wanted to dig in and Geralt wished he would, "Are you-?" 

"Yes," Geralt really wasn't sure how he formed words, his whole body was pulsing and shaking. 

"F-fuck! Oh, Geralt. Sonofa-hmmm." Jaskier came with rough thrusts, keeping one hand wrapped around the base of the condom as he rode out his orgasm. 

Geralt gave himself three good pumps and that was all it took to send him over the edge. He barely kept his legs under him as he shook and groaned while Jaskier pulled out to dispose of the condom. He pressed his cheek against the door and sighed at the relief on his slightly sweaty skin, only mildly aware of Jaskier getting dressed behind him. 

"Geralt, how do you feel?" Jaskier brushed some stray hairs out of his face. 

"Hmmm."

"Good hmmm?" 

Geralt nodded and pushed off the door, running a hand through his hair to pull himself together. 

Jaskier didn't seem to be in a rush though, helping him get dressed and clean up in his rather hazy afterglow. He lead Geralt over to one of the benches and sat down, pulling Geralt into his lap, straddling his hips. His arms wrapped around Geralt's waist and pulled him close, one hand snaking into his hair and lightly scratching little circles on his scalp. Geralt hummed in exhausted pleasure and laid his head on Jaskier's shoulders, wrapping his arms around his ribs. 

"For as scary as you look, you're a big softie," Jaskier laughed, giving him a little squeeze. 

Geralt heaved a sigh as if raising his head from Jaskier's shoulder was a monumental effort, "I thought you said 'handsome'?" He teased, looking to Jaskier's lips as if to ask permission. 

Jaskier pressed a soft kiss to his lips, overwhelmingly gentle for a quickie in a supply closet, "Scary good-looking," he mumbled between kisses. 

Geralt let out an amused huff and before he could stop himself, asked, "Wanna go get lunch?" 

Jaskier pulled back to look at him in bewilderment. 

Geralt scrambled to take it back, failing miserably, "Unless- I mean. We fucked in a mall closet I'm not saying- i- fuck, I ruined it." 

Jaskier placed a finger over his lips and smiled, "I'd love to." 

[wherethewordsare]

Traditions of the Heart

He knew in an instant that he had fucked up. All he had meant to do was steal one of Geralt’s jumpers from the back of his closet to curl up in while he waited for him to get home. But now he was sitting at the bottom of the closet, his hand over his mouth and a tiny black box in his hand. His blood was pounding in his ears. 

“Well, you might as well open it.” Geralt was leaning against the door frame, smiling shyly. 

“Oh, Geralt, no! I ruined it! I just... I was cold and I grabbed your hoodie and then-” 

Geralt held up a hand to cut him off, chuckling as he slid down on the floor next to him, taking the box gently. “I’ve had it for a while, honestly you’ve done me a favor.” 

“Darling,” Jaskier gave a wet laugh, wiping at his face. “That’s not how proposals usually work.” 

“Oh, if you wanted to wait then,” Geralt was slowly moving to tuck the box away again. 

“Geralt Rivia!” Jaskier clung to his arm, beaming through tears. 

Geralt leaned into him, bringing the box up as he rested his arms against his knees. He snapped the box open for Jaskier to see. “I know it’s not much, but it’s kind of a tradition in my family, going back a long time.”

The ring was a simple gold Claddagh though Jaskier was able to make out an inscription inside the band. It simply read ‘Lark’ in delicately curved letters. 

“Oh, it’s perfect, Geralt I... I don’t know what to say!” he started to reach for the ring but Geralt pulled it back a little, smiling. 

“I think, traditionally at least, you’re supposed to say ‘yes’“. There was a tightness to his voice that Jaskier quickly leaned in to kiss away as he whispered over and over, his hands coming up to cup Geralt’s face. 

“Yes, yes, always yes.” 

--

Tag list as it stands now <3: @jaskierswolf @geraskier-trashh @electricrituals @elliestormfound @artistsfuneral @thetinymm @fontegagrilledcheese @anythinggoesfandoms 

[thewitchersecretsanta]

The Witcher Secret Santa Crew wants to thank everyone for making this such a fun event so far! You are all so creative, and we are so excited to see what you post next. We are especially grateful for all of the pinch hitters & volunteers who stepped up to make sure that everyone got a gift. Here is an extra present, just for you!

@omaano @captnsunshine @thisissirius @saltytransidiot @octinary @trekkiepirate @teddylacroix @yourqueenforayear @ahh-fxck @wordsarethebonesofmylovers @ticktockclockwork @linx1457 @leavemecryingdandelion @the-spinning-jenny @swedishtrashgremlin @hirikka @lexou-chan @electricrituals @foreveralonewithdogs

[jaskierswolf]

Geralt wake up after being deep in meditation to a certain bard weaving flowers into his hair. If he keeps the flowers in for the next three days that's just nobody's business

Jaskier sat cross legged opposite Geralt on the forest floor. It never ceased to amaze him, the trust that Geralt put in him. It had taken a long time for Geralt to meditate in front of him. He knew that the witcher was at his most vulnerable when he was meditating and in all honesty he’d never really expected this much from the man who couldn’t even admit they were friends.

But Jaskier knew better.

Geralt didn’t show his affection and love for others through words, not like Jaskier did. Jaskier was all words. There was rarely a moment when Jaskier wasn’t making some sort of noise. If he wasn’t talking or singing, then he was humming under his breath or scratching his quill against the pages of his notebook. Geralt on the other hand seemed to struggle express himself in words, at least to other humans. He had no problem wittering away to Roach when he thought that Jaskier wasn’t listening.

Geralt showed his love by sharing his coin, food and lodgings, by buying Jaskier new shoes when his were worn through, by making sure he carried healing supplies that weren’t lethal for humans. Geralt cared. He just spoke a different love language to Jaskier, and that was alright.

Jaskier gently reached out to cup Geralt’s cheek. The small frown on Geralt’s face softened under his touch. It wasn’t enough to pull the witcher out of his meditation but there was a trace of a smile tugging at his lips. Jaskier returned it fondly, even though Geralt couldn’t see him, before moving so he was sat behind Geralt. He sang a ballad of a fair maiden who fell in love with a monster under his breath as he began to comb out the tangles from Geralt’s hair with his fingers. Once that was done he got to his feet and began his hunt.

Geralt only stayed still long enough to do this when he was meditating so Jaskier always took complete advantage of the situation. It didn’t take long for him to have a decent bunch of wildflowers in his hands. He tried to pick the blue varieties but he hadn’t been able to resist a small collection of buttercups.

Everyone would know the witcher was his.

He carefully sectioned Geralt’s hair and his tongue slipped between his teeth as he began to weave a small braid along the side of Geralt’s head. Once he was satisfied with his work he moved on to repeat the process on the other side. He pulled both sections together in a simple plait on the back of Geralt’s head before tying it off with Geralt’s preferred black hair tie. He then carefully threaded the flowers into the braids until Geralt looked like the prettiest princess of the woods.

Jaskier pressed a kiss to the nape of Geralt’s neck then wrapped his arms around Geralt’s waist. He rested his head on Geralt’s back and closed his eyes. The witcher might be at his most vulnerable but Jaskier was there to make sure no harm came to him. Geralt would laugh if Jaskier ever voiced that particular thought aloud but he loved Geralt and he would protect him to the best of his ability, even if Geralt was a big old scary witcher.

“Did you put buttercups in my hair?” Geralt’s voice was hoarse and barely above a whisper but it still startled Jaskier.

“Maybe?”

“I can smell them.” Geralt mumbled.

“Oh?” Jaskier felt his cheeks heat up but Geralt squeezed his hand gently.

“Smells good.”

“Hmm.” Jaskier agreed and smiled against Geralt’s back.

By the time they reached the next town, three days later, Jaskier was smiling smugly as the townsfolk whispered and chattered amongst themselves pointing at the witcher who walked beside the bard.

The witcher with buttercups in his hair. _____

Tag list: @alwenarin @slythnerd @davidtennan-t @flippinfricks @awitchersbard  @innocentcinnamonpun @marvagon @elliestormfound @geraskier-trashh @panerato @moonysourenza @artistsfuneral @victorieschild @hailhailsatan @wherethewordsare @havenoffandoms @bitchy-witchy-post-mortem @electricrituals @geralt-of-riviass @00qtee @kittynannygaming @stinastar

[stinastar]

unsurprisingly im coming in with a modern au prompt: eskel/geralt/jaskier - any two throwing a surprise birthday party for the third. optional sprinkling in of a drunken love confession 💜💜💜

Anything for my beloved @its-onions! I am very wine-drunk and she hit me with a doozy, but hopefully my wine-addled brain did alright ❤️❤️ Love u!

----------

Geralt laid with his head on Eskel’s shoulder in bed. Eskel was lazily tracing patterns on Geralt’s shoulder.

“Jaskier’s birthday is coming up.” Geralt murmured. 

“Mmm? Any plans?” Eskel asked.

“I asked him… he said he’d go to the bar, get drunk and dance…find someone to take home.”

“So just another night then?” Eskel asked, amusement in his voice.

“I thought… maybe we could do something for him.”

“Yeah?”

“…throw a party?”

“Love to!”

“That wouldn’t be weird, right?” Geralt asked, sounding uncertain.

“Babe, he’s your best friend, why would that be weird?” 

“Dunno… We haven’t talked much since that night…”

“You worry too much.” Eskel said. “You’ve been best friends for years. We all had fun that night. And he seemed in high spirits when he left in the morning! I’m sure it’s fine. He sleeps with everyone.” Geralt grunted in response.

“ …yeah. I guess you’re right.” 

Eskel kissed the top of his head. 

“Don���t worry yourself over it. It’s fine. Now. We have a party to plan!”

———

Jaskier sat in the glow of cake candles. He looked up at the faces surrounding him. Essi and Pris, Regis, Yenn and Renfri, Lambert and Aiden, Triss, Geralt and Eskel. If his gaze lingered on the last two a moment longer, what of it. Geralt had been his best friend for years. So what if his gaze lingered on his best friend and his equally gorgeous partner a bit longer?

“Make a wish, Jask!” 

He closed his eyes and made a wish.

———

The night wore on, and trays of jello shots emptied. Jaskier sat beside Geralt and let his head drop to his best friend’s shoulder. 

“What did you wish for?” Geralt asked.

“Can’t tell you. Won’t come true.”

“Oh, come on. I’ll keep it a secret.”

“Can’t!” Jaskier hiccoughed. Geralt snickered. 

“Not even to your best friend?” Geralt asked, dropping an arm around Jaskier’s shoulders and pulling him close.

“Nnn. Can’t, even though I love you.”

“Mmm?”

“Mmm. Love you, Geralt. That night with you and Eskel…” Jaskier’s eyes widened and he jerked his head up off of Geralt’s shoulder. “Shit! I mean… was fun. No big deal.”

“You love me how, Jask?”

“Mmm… the normal way?”

Geralt snorted.

“Can I kiss you, birthday boy?” Geralt murmured. 

“PLEASE.”

Geralt leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to Jaskier’s lips before leaning back.

“Bit chaste,” Jaskier complained, pulling a face. Geralt laughed softly. 

“And what about Eskel?” Geralt asked quietly.

“Essskelllll.”

“Mmm.”

“So handsome.” Jaskier replied dreamily. Geralt chuckled. 

“I agree.”

“Take me to bed!” Jaskier demanded. Geralt laughed.

“You’re drunk”

“All the more reason!” Jaskier scoffed, slurring slightly. 

“With Eskel and I?”

“Who else?!” Jaskier sputtered.

“To sleep.” Geralt replied. Jaskier scowled.

“Well that’s boring.”

Geralt smiled fondly. 

“We can talk about it in the morning.”

“Over waffles?” Jaskier asked with pleading eyes.

“With waffles.” Geralt agreed fondly.

----------

Taglist friendos 💗 @electricrituals @elliestormfound @jaskierswolf @chrisflemingslegs

Please let me know if you’d like to be added to or removed from my list! 😘

[geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde]

Thank you for not changing your profile pic when you changed your url. I love the new url, but I get so confused when people change things😂😂😂 I’m gone for two days and when I come back it’s an endless cycle of “new phone who dis?”

Hey Nonnie! Been there, done that (”who the hell is @vampire--dad and when did I follow them????”)  😂😂😂

I also changed my blog name to Electric Rituals to try to limit some of the confusion!! 

Thanks for reaching out! I’m glad to know that my pic has helped keep everyone in the loop (except @hailhailsatan who was very indignant on my behalf that none of my friends were tagging me in things 😂)

[bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher]

a mouthful of surprises

Happiest of Birthdays to the lovely @electricrituals! 

Here’s a little fake dating modern au just for you!

---

Jaskier was frowning when Geralt came through the front door after work. He was glaring at a piece of gorgeous stationary and the corners of his lovely pink lips were turned down; his blue eyes were narrowed and his shoulders were tensed forward protectively. 

“If this were a cartoon, there would be a little raincloud directly above your head right now,” the older man mused, setting his keys on the counter in their usual spot. “What does that letter say that has you so upset?”

“Valdo motherfucking Marx is having a New Year’s Eve party. He’s invited me and my boyfriend but he knows damn well that I don’t have one. That smug fucking asshole.”

“I could... go with you?” Geralt offered, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back against the kitchen island. Jaskier’s eyes lit up for a moment before his expression returned to blank disappointment; Geralt tried to hide his own hurt at the lack of enthusiasm from his best friend/crush/roommate.

“I can’t ask you to do something like that.”

“You’re not asking, Jask, I’m offering to go with you. I’d love to pretend to be your boyfriend for the evening. You always spoil the shit out of your partners, even when they don’t deserve it.”

Even though I don’t deserve it, Geralt thought. Even though you’re the brightest star in the whole night sky and I am just a boy with a telescope, praying to whatever listens that you’ll twinkle for me just once. Just enough to light the path of life a little better. To make the hard parts of life lighter and sweeter and oh-so worth the effort.

He wanted to say you’re worth the effort, Jaskier, but he’s too afraid. The brunette’s face lights up regardless.

“You’re the best roomie ever!”

---

Valdo’s party was going to be “elegant and tasteful” according to the invitation, both of which were terms that Geralt would not have applied to Jaskier’s person until that very evening. When the anxious musician came out from his bedroom wearing a pair of slim-cut navy dress pants, a white shirt unbuttoned far too low for good society, and a navy, floral-print blazer that somehow matched the pants, Geralt was at a total loss for words. His hair had been carefully styled so that the wispiness of his brown bangs looked artful instead of lazy. The lightly applied liner around his eyes made the blue color pop even more sensationally. 

Jaskier approached his friend and waited, eyes downcast, for Geralt to say something.

Anything.

But the Witcher’s tongue was stuck to the roof his mouth. 

“Is it... is it that bad?” Jaskier whispered. The sound of his shame and confusion broke the Witcher’s awestruck spell and Geralt rushed to explain his silence. 

“You’re gorgeous!” 

“Huh?”

Geralt leaned down, taking one of Jaskier’s hands in his and placing a gentle kiss to the back of his knuckles. “You’re absolutely fucking gorgeous, buttercup. I’m honored to be your boyfriend for the evening.”

A line from one of his favorite childhood movies echoed through his head and Jaskier giggled. Geralt’s eyebrow quirked up curiously. 

“Sorry, and thank you.”

“Why the giggle?”

“You made me think of that scene from Mulan with the grandmother.”

“Which one?”

“Would you like to stay for dinner?” Jaskier asked, blushing brightly. Geralt smirked.

“Would you like to stay forever?”

“Oh hush,” Jaskier swatted at his chest. Geralt had stuck with black dress pants and a burgundy button-up with the sleeves rolled over his elbows, revealing his forearms and bunching nicely just below his biceps. He didn’t miss the way Jaskier’s eyes lingered on his arms and ass on their way to the car.

---

“And who is this?” Valdo asked, barely concealing a jealous sneer. 

Geralt squeezed Jaskier’s hand and the younger man straightened up, beaming, “This is my boyfriend and hopefully future husband, Geralt deRiv-Bellegarde.”

“Fancy name.”

“Not a very fancy man, unfortunately,” Geralt stepped in. “Just a Witcher.”

“A Witcher? Damn, Jask, you’ve really outdone yourself this time. Who in their right mind would get with a person who can’t even feel things?”

“Fuck you, Valdo. Geralt is twice the man you’ll ever be, and I do mean that in reference to both your personality and your dick. He is sweet, considerate, and very affectionate, I’ll have you know. He just doesn’t show it like other people. He listens to me and comes to my gigs and kisses me in public and doesn’t tell his fucking parents that I’m a failure for only playing coffee houses when the mood strikes.”

Geralt’s eyes widened. 

“Let’s get out of here, babe,” the brunette decided, tugging on Geralt’s hand and shooting Valdo one last parting glare. “The company sucks.”

As they made their way back to their car, Geralt stopped and pulled Jaskier against his chest. Two blue eyes looked up with a mixture of shock and confusion, the musician’s pale pink lips looked incredibly soft in the moonlight. 

“Jaskier can I- May I kiss you?”

“Do you mean it?”

“Yes.”

“How long have you wanted to kiss me?”

“Months. But right now? After that? It’s crushing. It’s heartbreaking. If I don’t kiss you right now I might turn to dust in the wind.”

“Well,” Jaskier murmured, slowly moving one of his hands until it was cupping the back of Geralt’s neck, beneath the curtain of his silver hair, “We wouldn’t want that.”

It was a glorious first kiss. Soft, sweet, simple. It paved the road for a thousand equally beautiful kisses. Some would be rougher and some would be even sweeter but this one, their first, was pretty damn perfect. 

[fontegagrilledcheese]

Prompt: Shrimpskier with some froliking in the reef? (Are shrimp in reefs? Idk enough about shrimp!) 🥔

I know its a whole week later than I said it would be. Think of this as a late Christmas present? Anyway on with the shrimp!

Its not that Shrimpskier and Shrimpralt didn't hang out before, but after the shrimpy kiss by the mistletoe the two shrimps were together a lot more than before. Deciding to make it official and to show Shrimpskier how much he adored him, Shrimpralt invited the lovely singing shrimp to the reef that he called home.

Shrimpralt had fretted over introducing his new relationshrimp to his family, but he needn't have worried, his family, and even extended family when counting the other shrimps his brother and father were dating, all took to Shrimpskier like whales to plankton; fully embracing the new little shrimp in their midst and inviting him into their lives.

Shrimpskier found fast friends in Shrimpskel and Shrimpden, and a new set of parents to dote on him in Shrimpxart and Shrimpemir. Even the very prickly Shrimpbert found common ground with melodic shrimp.

Shrimpralt was relieved that Shrimpskier as well seemed to like and take to his family as his family had taken to him, though he could do with a few less pranks and embarrassing stories from his early shrimphood.

His family was protective over the new little shrimp that had been added to the family as well. A few weeks into their stay at his winter reef home, the whole crew had been out in the open reef area, searching for food and fun, frolicking about and playing games (as certain shrimp are fond of), when the incident happened. Shrimpskier had wondered too close to a ledge and was on the verge of becoming someone's dinner when the whole band Shwitcher's noticed the impending doom and took up pinchers against the predator! Fighting it off fiercely and saving the bardic shrimp! Shrimpskier was summarily shrimpysat for the rest of the excursion, though he didn't say much, a tad traumatized, as any shrimp would be, getting that close to death.

Shrimpskier was attached to shrimpralt for the next week, needing many shrimp kisses and hugs to overcome the event, not that Shrimpralt minded, preferring to stick close to his love when possible.

Shrimpskier produced quiet the ballad about the shwitchers bravery in coming to his rescue and sang it frequently to the other shwitchers, showing his gratitude. The rest of the winter was spent merrily, with a lovely shrimpmas celebration.

~~~~~~~~~ The End~~~~~~~~~~~

@electricrituals @softnerdypeter @herostag @stinastar @hailhailsatan @theamazingbard @elliestormfound @bounce-a-coin-off-your-witcher @thecomfortofoldstorries @wherethewordsare @veritasrose @jaskierswolf @leevila-today

Heres your shrimp fic ya goobs, and remember vesemir loves eggs😘

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Buffoons

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @electricrituals I hope your day is just as amazing as you are! 😘 (which is pretty damn fantastic)

You said you liked fake dating AU’s so that is exactly what this is! 

Warnings: Geralt gets overwhelmed, Lambert made a bet on their relationship, some grade A dumbassery

_______________

"Relax Geralt," Jaskier hummed, squeezing his hand as they filed into the reception hall, "I heard Triss' parents wondering if we got in a fight in the car."

Geralt took a deep breath and did his best to put on a doe-eyed-lover face, "The mother of my child is getting married and I am single," he sighed. 

Jaskier grinned and tapped his nose, "Not for tonight, dumbass. Look sharp." 

He was right, time to put the self-pity on the back burner. It was his own fault, he's the one who told Yen he had a date for her wedding when he hadn't gone on a date since '09. Jaskier had enthusiastically agreed to pretend to be his boyfriend, he even came up with a backstory of what their first date was. He was a naturally good actor and suave flirt. 

Geralt, however, was floundering. 

Jask brushed some stray grains of rice out of his hair and gazed into his eyes with a soft smile that threatened to stop his heart, “Your brother’s coming, unclench.”

Geralt chuckled and trapped Jaskier’s wrist in his grip, placing a soft kiss right where he could feel his friend’s pulse against his lips. Just an act.

“That’s quite enough, lads.” Lambert scolded, holding out a couple of beers by the neck of the bottle, “Don’t want to lose my appetite.”

“You and Aiden were insufferable. It’s only fair.” Geralt grumbled, taking the offered drinks and parking the group at a corner table. Lambert took the chair next to Geralt with a smirk and Jaskier didn’t skip a beat before plopping himself right in Geralt’s lap. 

He wrapped his arm around his neck and started running his fingers through Geralt’s hair absentmindedly, “It’s a wedding, Lambert. Is there a more fitting place for public displays of affection?”

Geralt barely caught Lambert’s response. He had one hand resting on Jaskier’s hip as he leaned into the fingers gently massaging the back of his scalp and all logical thought was slowly seeping from his mind. He’d done his best not to think of his friend like this for years but sticking to reality was getting more and more difficult. Jaskier’s laugh sent vibrations through his whole body and he couldn’t help but laugh along even though he’d completely missed the joke. When Jaskier licked his lips Geralt had to hold back a sigh. He was quickly drowning in the fantasy of belonging to Jask and he didn't want to resurface. 

“Well, shit. I owe Eskel so much money,” Lambert laughed, knocking back what was left of his beer. 

“Hm?” 

"I made a bet that you two were faking it, but damn, Geralt. You're smitten." 

Geralt blushed and Jaskier gently pulled him close to bury his face in his shoulder, "I'd hope so. It'd be pretty embarrassing to be the only one in love." 

'Love'... oh fuck. That hit Geralt far harder than it should have. He suddenly felt uncomfortably warm and restricted. This was a bad idea. Huge mistake. He made a lame excuse about heading to the restroom and ducked outside into the cool spring mist. The fresh air helped a bit as he took his suit jacket off and measured his breaths but his mind was still reeling.  

He was the only one in love; that was the problem. He was in love with his best friend and it was overwhelming to have his affections reflected toward him even if he knew it was fake. 

He was leaning against the brick with his eyes closed and head tilted back when he felt a gentle brush of fingers over his forearm. 

"Geralt? Are you alright?" Jaskier whispered. 

"M'fine." 

Jaskier sighed and leaned against the wall next to him, "Clearly." He waited for Geralt to say something but he was stubbornly silent so Jaskier continued, "I told Lambert you weren't feeling well on the ride over. I couldn't tell if he bought it." 

Geralt nodded, looking at his shoes as he kicked at the gravel, "He was right. You were right. I'm just… embarrassed," he muttered. 

"Right about what, dear?" Jaskier turned and hooked his pinky around Geralt's. 

"Don't 'dear' me," Geralt breathed, fighting back tears, "Don't make me say it." 

"Darling, I don’t know what you're talking about."

"If you keep calling me Darling and Dear without meaning it-" he dissolved into a forced laugh and sniffled, just hoping Jaskier would leave before he lost his grip. 

Jaskier stepped in front of him and gently tilted his chin up to look at him, "Do you want me to?" 

Geralt swallowed hard, every cell in his body begged him to run but Jaskier's gaze kept him pinned in place, "I think so…" 

Jaskier's hand brushed up his cheek to settle on his jaw, "I do. Mean it… I've been in love with you for years…" 

"Fuck," Geralt's laugh was a bit watery, "You mean all this time we could have… I don't know, been happy?" 

Jaskier laughed with him, stroking his thumb over his cheekbones, "Mhm. We're a couple of buffoons. Now shut up and kiss me." 

[wherethewordsare]

Laps

@thetinymm is live streaming TW3 and idk... my brain is a garbage place today. 

My current tag list: @jaskierswolf @geraskier-trashh @elliestormfound @electricrituals @artistsfuneral and @anythinggoesfandoms and @fontegagrilledcheese

Yennefer sat down beside him, swinging her legs over the bench of the bleachers. 

“What are we staring at,” She took Jaskier’s iced coffee from his hands, taking a drink as she looked out over the pool. 

“New guy,” Jaskier jutted his chin out to the swimmer that just broke the surface. “He’s... Yen, I’ve never seen anyone that beautiful in my life, present company excluded of course,” He bumped his shoulder to hers teasingly. 

“Holy shit,” Yen handed back the drink digging for her phone. 

“Holy shit indeed.” 

“Are you going to get his number?” Yen was tapping out a message furiously. “Someone has to know who he is.”

Jaskier dropped his head into his hands, groaning. “I ran into him in the locker room and I got so tongue tied I just said ‘Water good today, have swim.’ You know, like a babbling idiot.” 

Yen looked up from her phone, trying to swallow down a laugh. “Jask,” she chuckled. “Jaskier, what the actual fuck?” 

“Promise me you’ll drown me when he’s gone, darling. I can’t go on in this world,” Jaskier still had his hands buried in his hands.

“Well, then I’ll hurry up and go, but don’t drown on my account,” came a deep voice to Jaskier’s other side. He sputtered and jerked up, feeling his face burn. 

“You were right, water good,” the man from the locker room was standing just a row down, his smile lopsided and teasing. “Jaskier, is it? I was wondering if I might-”

Yen was already pulling a pen and notepad from her bag, scribbling something out. “He’s free this Friday. He’ll bring his brain, I promise.” She gave the man a wink. 

Jaskier just sat there gaping, looking between the two. The man made a soft humming noise that Jaskier couldn’t quite translate but the look of mischief in those stunning hazel eyes made him shiver. 

“I look forward to it. Have day,” he winked and padded his way to the locker room, his still wet trunks clinging to his thighs. Jaskier was going to faint. 

“Yen,” he stammered. 

“His name is Geralt Rivia, Triss has him in her organic chem class. He’s just transferred mid term, but she says that he’s already blowing the rest of the class out of the water,” she snorted. “Not the only thing he’s going to be blowing out of the water it seems.”

“YEN!” Jaskier let his head drop back into his hands, but this time to hide the grin that was threatening to split his face.