#emails tomorrow because i'm so exhausted right now

[shopwitchvamp]

AGGHHGH I knew I forgot something important! 😬 So, all of the [B Size] Uzuki Maxis were made with the wrong pockets.. they all have Creepy Eyes pattern inside of the pockets. If you purchased one and this is a dealbreaker for you (I understand if it is) pls let me know!!

I'll email everyone that ordered one just to be sure. Sorry about this!!!

[hwaslayer]

project: make you love me (jyh) | two.

♣︎ spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: yunho can’t stand how you’re so wrapped up in the notorious campus fuckboy, park seonghwa. he would gladly love you the way you deserve, despite being shy, awkward and the complete opposite of seonghwa. thus, when he finds himself spending more time with you over literature reviews and random study sessions, he decides to take on the challenge to win you over.

—pairing: jeong yunho x f. reader x park seonghwa

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers/friends to lovers, college au | fluff, angst, (eventual) smut

—word count: 3.6k

—chapter content/warnings: nothing too bad since we're still in the beginning stages of things lol, cussing, friends being supportive, friends being instigators and projecting!!, hwa still being hwa, yunho being shy and awkward but very caring

You scrambled to get your literature review done, almost forgetting that you had to send it to Yunho before officially submitting it to your professor. It's a bit past midnight when Seonghwa decides it's time to drop you off— even if it gets incredibly late, he'd prefer to drop you off at home rather than let you stay.

All Seonghwa's bullshit plans.

You yawn as you quietly step into your shared apartment, careful not to wake your roommates as you pull out your laptop and finish your lit review on the kitchen island in the dark. It fucking sucks that absolutely nothing is coming to you for this review because now, Yunho is probably going to think you're just flat out dumb for not being able to see what everyone else sees.

"Hey." You whip your head up so fast you almost give yourself whiplash. Seungmin groggily walks out of his room and into the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water. "Why are you working out here in the dark? Did you just get home?" You nod.

"Mhm. Forgot I had to finish that literature review and send it to Yunho."

"Forgot already?"

"Shut up, okay? Not my favorite assignment to work on. Besides, I wanna give him some time to review it and chew my ass if he needs to. Rather him than Dr. Nelson at this point." You type away, probably hella nonsense and gibberish about the movie at this point.

"Hm." Seungmin hums as he quickly drinks his water. "Don't stay up too late."

"I won't. Just gonna give this a few more words then send it off." You sigh. God, you almost regret asking Yunho [out of all people] for help. He's super smart and he always knows what he's doing. Was this the right route to go? Maybe you should've just asked Dr. Nelson and dealt with it.

"Mkay. Goodnight then, Y/N." Seungmin yawns as he drags himself back to his shared room with Soobin. You decide that you're gonna take another 10 minutes to finish off the review, giving it everything you can think of right now. If it needs tweaking or any additional details, Yunho can surely step in and help. You feel exhaustion hitting you quickly, giving your review the last bout of energy you have left before you shower and call it a night.

"Done." You say to yourself, sending it off to Yunho as an attachment. 

He probably won't look at this until later.

You make sure to double check your emails and assignments, keeping track of everything that's due and needs to be turned in—

Ding.

You peep the notification that pops up on the bottom right of your laptop screen.

"1 New Email from: Jeong Yunho (jeongyh@kq.edu)"

"What the fuck?" You mutter to yourself. It hasn't been a whole 10 minutes since you sent the email. You click on the notification anyway, letting it bring you to the new email in your student inbox.

— do you have time to meet really quickly later today? i wanna go over your review with you. cool if you can't though, just prefer to talk to you in person instead of marking up your page without any explanation to back it up.

You sigh and sit there, trying to remember your schedule for tomorrow. You do have a 45 minute break in between your morning classes. Hopefully, he's free.

— sure! i'm free from 10:15-11. does that work for you?

"1 New Email from Jeong Yunho (jeongyh@kq.edu)"

— yup, i don't have class till after lunch. i'll be working at one of the booths in the library.

You sit back and respond, feeling a bit of relief.

— cool, see you. :) thanks for your help.

Yunho sits at his desk, feeling a bit awkward and nervous even though you can't see him right now. It's probably a little pathetic at how quick he opened up your email, but to be fair, you seemed like you really needed the help and that's what he wanted to give you. You aren't necessarily writing bad reviews, since you're hitting all the right points. But, he has Dr. Nelson figured out. He doesn't want just the facts— he wants you to think outside of the box, write out the emotions, feelings, outcomes of all the actions, give examples, state what your thoughts are on how this effects the surroundings, other characters. You just need to add that little umph to your reviews and give him more than the bare minimum. Yunho gets it though, it's not easy to tap into that all the time. That's why he's here to help. 

He's hoping he can be the help you need.

"Did you come in pretty late last night or was Seungmin sleep walking?" Soobin scratches the side of his head as the two of you walk towards the library.

"No, that was me." You chuckle.

"Did Seonghwa at least walk you to the door? Cause that's late."

"Yeah right." You scoff and Soobin shakes his head. "Whatever though, he drops me off as close as possible to our building."

"Still. He should at least walk you halfway."

"Mm, yeah." Is all you respond with. "Anyway, lunch later? I have to meet with Yunho to talk about this review."

"Oh? You're actually meeting with him? That's new. I feel like that's something out of the ordinary for Yunho."

"He asked if we could so that he could explain better instead of just marking up my review." 

"That's nice of him."

"Yeah, hopefully I'm not too much of a pain in the ass."

"Doubt it. You just need a little guidance, that's all. Sure he'll be super helpful." Soobin smirks. "He seems to not go out of his way for people, maybe he likes you."

"Are you serious right now? All because I need help over a literature review." Soobin laughs.

"Just saying. I already like Yunho way more than Seonghwa."

"Okay, I'm leaving. I'll see you later." You roll your eyes and enter the quieter side of the library where the booths are located. It's easy to spot Yunho, especially with that towering figure of his even while sitting. Today, he's wearing a navy and white flannel, with a grey shirt underneath. His hair falls to his face as he leans over to write some notes. He has one finger placed on a page in his textbook, while the other hand is busily writing away. He glances to and from every now and then, only looking up at his surroundings when he feels you approaching.

"Um, hi." You awkwardly stand near the booth with your books tucked against your chest. He simply looks at you before giving you a tiny, pursed smile and returning his attention to his books.

"Hey." He moves his book and notebook closer to himself in order to give you some room. "Sorry, just need to finish this right quick."

"That's okay. Take your time." You slide in awkwardly and set your books on the surface of the table. "Thanks for going over my review."

"No worries." He says softly before finishing up his notes and shutting his books closed. He brings out his laptop and types away to unlock it, pulling up your document before turning the laptop towards you. "So."

"Sorry, I know it was bad." You look at him, a little shy and embarrassed. He tilts his head a bit and furrows his brow while looking at you.

"Huh? No, it wasn't bad, Y/N." He lets out a small chuckle. "You're hitting the right points, Dr. Nelson is just super complex and wants you to use these facts a bit more." He points at a line in your review. "You talk about the characters feelings here after an upsetting moment, which is right. But, how does it affect their surroundings? Their actions, the people around them, what they get themselves into to cope. How does feeling bad branch out to all these things? Why? How does it contribute to their overall attitude, to the overall character?" You nod. 

"It seems so easy to talk about, but I don't know why I have so much trouble doing it. I feel kinda dumb." He shrugs.

"You're not. You just have to dig into the details a little more and use those examples instead of staying safe and stating what we know already. It's easy to stay safe because you know what you're stating is gonna be right. Dr. Nelson just wants a little more than that, is all."

"Thanks, Yunho." He gives you a toothless smile.

"Of course. Uh," He scratches his temple. "Let's go through everything else? So, I can be of better help to you?" You nod.

"Only if you're okay with it."

"Yeah. Just wanna make sure I help you out correctly." He lets out a shy chuckle before thoroughly going through your literature review with you. He asks you the right questions, allowing you to edit your own document on his laptop while the two of you continue to converse. He shares his thoughts and the things he's included on his review, making it easier for you to understand what you were missing and leaving out in your own.

Literature was never your favorite. You partially didn't care enough to put in enough effort, hence the lack of patience and understanding with the assignments— the lack of patience and understanding with your own professor.

As 11 closes in, you sit and look at your fully edited review feeling content. You look at Yunho, a small toothless smile on your face while he awkwardly glances around the library to avoid long eye contact. He gently taps his hands against the surface of the table, waiting for you to break the silence.

Which, you eventually do.

Thank god.

"Yunho, I feel so much better about this." You slide the laptop over to him. "Thanks for helping me, seriously. I don't know what I'd do if I had to see Dr. Nelson's comments again."

"It's not a problem." He shrugs. "I um, can continue to look at your reviews if you want?" Your eyes light up as you nod delightfully.

"Really?"

"Sure."

"I have to repay you somehow, that's too much on your plate isn't it?"

"It's not. I wouldn't offer if it was." He chuckles a bit.

"Lunch one day?"

"You don't have to."

"I would like to. Or, if our schedules don't work, we can always meet for coffee and go in on the café desserts."

"Sounds good." He smiles and pulls out his phone to slide it towards you. "Mm, do you think I can grab your number? Sorry, don't mean to be lame about it. I just figured it'd be easier instead of emailing each other. Unless that's what you.. prefer?" You chuckle and shake your head.

"No, this is totally easier. Don't worry." You plug your number in before sliding it back to me. "There."

"That's me." He says after giving you a quick ring so you can save his number on your own phone. You start to gather your things to start heading to class when you hear a familiar laugh come from one of the aisles to your right. You turn over your shoulder to catch wind of the noise, finding Seonghwa deep in conversation with another classmate, another senior girl [actually this one is probably Hyeri?] She seems to be laughing at his jokes, even though they probably aren't that funny. Somehow, the way he looks at her [along with any other female who isn't you] breaks your heart.

Breaks your heart even though there isn't anything else left to break.

Seonghwa briefly makes eye contact with you before his eyes quickly dart to Yunho, then back to Hyeri in front of him. You quietly continue to gather your things and swallow the lump forming in your throat, unsure why you allow this feeling to completely ruin your mood. Yunho takes note, for sure though. Again, he's not sure if he should feel bad because you surely knew what it was like getting tangled with Seonghwa. That was no secret on campus. However, he's an empath, and seeing that you've been kind and calm around him— he can't help but feel bad. A tiny bit sad, upset even, that you continue to let yourself mess around with Seonghwa when you deserve so much more.

Yunho challenges Seonghwa a bit though, letting his eyes linger on him until Seonghwa breaks away first. He checks on you and parts his lips slightly because he wants to say something, anything— he's just not sure what. Eventually, he settles with:

"Are you okay?" It's clear you're not and Yunho immediately feels stupid as fuck for settling with that question.

"Hm, yeah. Just tired, is all." He nods, watching as you slide out of the booth and swing your bag strap over your shoulder.

"Don't hesitate to text me if you need anything else. I'll try and help." When he says it, he's hoping you can catch onto the fact that he's someone who could listen to your troubles. He's not good with words or opening up to people, but he thinks he could at least offer that after seeing the way you sank in front of him. His eyes dart back up to you when you tuck your books back to your chest and smile at him.

"I will. Thanks again, Yunho. Lunch or coffee soon, okay?" You say sweetly before leaving him back to his lonesome. 

"How was your date with Yunho?" Soobin asks as he forks his salad and takes a big bite. You glare at him before shaking your head.

"This is how rumors spread, you idiot." Chaery smacks him on the back of the head, making him laugh but slightly wince in pain at the same time.

"I'll whoop your ass if you say that word and Yunho in the same sentence one more time." You roll your eyes. "My literature review session with him went fine. He did help me out a lot, practically added another page to my review from all the edits we made."

"That's good." Soobin says, laughing. "Are you gonna have him review your literature stuff from now on?"

"Probably, it comes so easy for him. Or, maybe I just lack the patience." You shrug. "But, his help would definitely be nice. I need to push my grade up."

"Mhm." Soobin wiggles his brows.

"He's pushing this Yunho agenda so much." You point at Soobin while looking at Chaery and she shrugs.

"I mean don't get me wrong, I'm on the same bloat." You glare at her. "But, I'm on your side more than anything!" She quickly bounces back, making you sigh.

"I give up." You mumble as you rest your chin on the palm of your hand. Suddenly, your phone vibrates off to the side, making you lazily tap your screen to see who the notification is from.

"Better not be Seonghwa." You glare at Chaery once again.

"I'm taking this to the couch." You stick your tongue out before grabbing your phone and walking over to the couch in the living room. Because it's not, and you don't really wanna deal with your teasing friends even more.

yunho: btw, i like this website if i don't really wanna dig too deep into the details

yunho: it's a good website that summarizes a lot of the themes in books, and they have a huge catalog

You smile and respond back, feeling appreciative that he thought of you.

yunho: srry for the triple text, hope i didnt bother

you: you didn't. thank you, yunho :) i'll bookmark this that way i won't have to bother you so much lol

yunho: you're not a bother haha but np. have a good night!

you: you too!

Then, another comes in. And of course it's Seonghwa. But, the message isn't your typical message, no. It's a message that easily rubs you the wrong way because why? Why does Seonghwa like to pull this shit?

seonghwa: since when did you talk to jeong yunho? lol

you: why does it matter?

seonghwa: it's a simple question?

you: you're ridiculous, you know? we're in the lit same class. again, not that it matters .. ?

seonghwa: how am i ridiculous? lol

you: whatever seonghwa

seonghwa: why are you upset, baby? i'm just asking. i don't see what yunho's point is

you: he has no point, he's just helping me out.

seonghwa: okay, sure lol do you wanna come over? could use your company ): 

you: not tonight

you: maybe you can call hyeri, or whatever her name is. i'm spending time with my roommates

seonghwa: baby, seriously? i was talking to a classmate. can we not fight over dumb shit again?

you: goodnight seonghwa

You sigh out of irritation, tossing your phone aside. It's a bit close to 10pm, but you feel like getting some fresh air and taking a quick walk around the complex would do you some good. 

"Chaery, can we take a walk?" She looks at you and nods.

"Sure."

"What about me?" Soobin asks with a mouth full.

"You're eating."

"I can take it with me."

"It's girl talk." He cringes a bit and shakes his head.

"Nevermind. Be safe, come back soon." You chuckle just as Chaery walks out of your shared room in a hoodie. She has one of your jackets in your hand, handing it over as she gets closer.

"It's a bit cold tonight. Jacket?" 

"Thanks." You smile at her as you throw it on and zip it up, sliding into your slippers before walking out. Chaery is right; the air is colder, crisp. It has a little bite, especially against your skin. Chaery wraps her arm around yours, pulling you close for extra body heat.

"What happened, babe?"

"Huh?"

"You told Soobin it was girl talk." You laugh a bit and nod.

"Oh yeah, right. It is." You sigh as you hold her close. "Nothing, it's just Seonghwa. He texted me just to ask when I started talking to Yunho and what his point was. Got on my nerve."

"Ew, what's his problem? Y/N, seriously. You can do so much better than him. I know it's not easy, and I know he has his moments with you. But baby, you deserve someone who is always sure about you and who will be happy to flaunt you off."

"I know." You sigh. "It's like every time I think about leaving, he does something to keep me close."

"But, it shouldn't be this way, you know? You shouldn't have to wait for these moments. It should happen every day if he really cared about you."

"Yeah." Is all you can say because what can you say? It's hard to break it off with Seonghwa because this is your routine, something you've gotten used to— his presence is something you've gotten accustomed to. Even if it he isn't necessarily the best, he keeps you company. The kind of company that you like.

"How was meeting up with Yunho? Did he help you with your review?"

"A lot. He is super helpful, and he offered to keep helping me."

"Aw." Chaery giggles. "That is so sweet of him."

"He's actually really kind, and patient. I offered to take him out for lunch or something one day."

"Cute. Yeah, you should! Get to know him. Maybe he just needs a little pushing out of his shell, you know? You could probably help him in return." You shrug.

"Maybe? He's still—" Suddenly, Chaery's eyes shoot up to the figure ahead. She does a little gasp before making a cute noise and dragging you closer.

"Yunho!" She says, waving at him. He looks a little startled, but he stops in his tracks and waits with his hands in his pockets— a shy, small smile creeping at the corner of his lips. "Wait, oh my god! I didn't realize you lived here, too! I mean, so does the majority of campus, but still!" You sure as hell didn't know either, and you feel a bit bad that you just probably never noticed. 

"Uh, yeah. I just live over there." He points at his building.

"Who do you live with?"

"Kang Yeosang." Chaery nods.

"Ah, cute. What a pair." You give her a look before shifting your attention back to Yunho. He quietly waits for the next part of the conversation, his eyes softly gazing over you. 

You're cute.

"What are you doing out here this late?"

"Could ask the same for you two." He chuckles and nervously scratches at the nape of his neck. "I, uh, can't sleep sometimes. The walk kinda helps."

"Ah, I see. Makes sense."

"So.." He awkwardly says, shifting weight from one foot to another. "Also couldn't sleep?" You shrug.

"We just needed to get out and get some air." Chaery cuts in for a follow-up to avoid any Seonghwa talk. Though, she knows Yunho wouldn't do that to you. 

"It's getting late though, and pretty cold."

"We're just gonna walk to the end then walk back."

"Hm, okay." 

"It was nice running into you." Chaery smiles. "I hope you can get some rest tonight!"

"Hopefully. Have a good night." He looks at her, then you; he gives you a very tiny, very subtle nod of acknowledgement. With that, the two of you walk past to continue your walk, Chaery praising how gentle and good-looking Yunho is until the end of the walk. Yunho knows the community is safe, but he cuts his walk short just to head up to his building and get a better view of yours. He hangs over the railing near the stairs, catching sight of you and Chaery. He watches as you circle back around to your building, slowly heading up the stairs. He can hear your laughs from where he stands, and he's glad you seem to be okay tonight.

It's good that you have great friends by your side.

When your figures disappear into the hallway, Yunho feels content, relieved— knowing you've both made it safely home. He turns on his heel to make it to his own apartment, greeted by a dark living room with echoes of Yeosang yelling at his PC.

At least you're okay. 

At least you're not outside, waiting in the cold.

At least you're with good company.

♣︎ taglist: @s-nsanshine @soupbinlily @tyongff-ff @jiminiscricket @g1g1l @staytinyinmybpack @woomyteez @gfksz @bitchwhytho @savluvsmingi @thisisntmyrightera @hyukssunflower @miriamxsworld @tmtxtf @kuromibabe04 @lmnhead @carrietwrites @tournesol155 @persphonesorchid @txt-yaomi @marsattacks @mxnsxngie [bold = can’t tag 😭]

[sourbinnie]

☆ open wounds ☆

♡ genre ¿? ♡ -> hurt/comfort ♡ pair ¿? ♡ -> jongho x gn!reader ♡ plot ¿? ♡ -> hateful comments are taking a toll on him but you're there through thick and thin. ♡ warnings ¿? ♡ -> none ♡ request ¿? ♡ -> yes!

you noticed how jongho was changing before your eyes, slowly becoming a sadder version of himself. it hurt to think that your baby was going through something and because of his busy schedule he couldn't really contact you a whole lot. you saw him during the day when he would leave and then during the night when he buried himself in your embrace and fell asleep. 

you wished you could have a moment where you two would sit down and just talk like you used to when he was feeling troubled. it was one of those occasions where you had a free day from work and you were browsing your phone to see how the boys did on their performance today. scrolling through the comments was never something that was interesting to you, other people's opinions could be very hurtful towards the boys disguised as "constructive criticism" or just straight up be hateful. 

this time though you read them, a lot of love from atinys and from people who got into ateez through their latest comeback. but then you got to the nasty ones, a large majority being directed towards jongho and everything started clicking on it's right place. the times he would spend in his vocal lessons, plus the ones where he would practice choreos till late at night and burying himself even more in work than he could handle. the way he avoided you sometimes because he needed to perfect his skills. he was getting hate and he was trying to be what the "fans" wanted him to be.

it hurts knowing he didn't feel enough. he wasn't only one of the best vocalists and most talented people you knew but he had a big heart. one that unfortunately tends to try to please everyone and leaves him unsatisfied every single time. it was a constant battle between trying to improve what is already the best and losing your mind a little bit every time. you knew you needed to talk to him when he got home, no matter how late it was going to be.

and late it got indeed as you tried to keep yourself occupied doing chores, checking your email to see if you had work or listening to music (mostly your boyfriend's heavenly vocals) but then he appeared at your door. he dropped his things at the door and you got up from the couch as you looked at him. a mix of being in shock because you were still awake and being exhausted from practice invaded his face.

"why are you still up, baby? don't you have work tomorrow?" he asked and you nodded but suddenly got close to him, giving him a little peck that made him blush. you couldn't recall when was the last time that you two had kissed but this was just right, you had missed him to the moon and back.

"yeah but i needed to talk to you before we went to sleep baby." you simply said and looked him in the eye. you could sense him being worried but he just nodded as you two sat down, your hands meeting his. 

"did something happen?" he asked, not being able to look at you anymore. for some reason that hurt because you knew he was going through a lot and you didn't want to add up to that list. you sighed and shook your head and chose the words correctly to tell him what was going on.

"baby you know you can be honest with me right? we haven't talked in a while but i'm always here for you." you said and then he knew you found out what was going on. he couldn't help but feel the sensitive side of him take over and the tears form in his eyes.

"i'm sorry for not coming to you with this, i thought i could deal with it on my own." he said through tears as you wrapped your arms around him and held him close. he wasn't one that expressed emotions like this a lot but you could tell that this got out of control a long time ago. "it's just a lot right now to handle between promotions and i didn't expect to be invaded with so many comments. it's hard to not believe them when there's so many and i really wanna be the best for atiny, for my bandmates, my family and for you."

"the thing is jongho, atiny wouldn't want you to go through this. if they were true fans they would want you to take care of yourself and for you to be you, which is not only an incredible singer but an amazing person." you said as he nodded and the tears kept spilling under his eyes but you wiped them off with your thumb. "i am not ashamed of you, i am so proud every time i see you and what you do. i'm sure the boys are too and your family just adores you darling."

"i've never been the best performer and sometimes i miss a note, everything just seems to fall down when i do." he says and you listen to him closely. he had a hard time taking compliments or accepting that he was talented but luckily you were there to cheer him up, put him back on his feet. "i wish i could be perfect at the things i do even if it seems impossible."

"perfection is not something you should strike for because you're never gonna be satisfied at the end of the day. i think you have an amazing voice, missing a note doesn't change that your voice is heavenly." you said with a little smile as you look at him and see the blush on his face through the sobs. "jongho you're much more than your voice, your dancing or your stage presence."

"i wish i could believe that baby. it's just so much right now and i don't know what to do but i'm glad i have you." he said and gave you a weak smile as you pulled him closer. maybe it won't be okay right now but you knew he would eventually grow to love himself, to accept that this is what he was and it was more than enough.

"i will always be here whenever you need me, please don't stay silent and ask for my help when you need it." you whispered to his ears and he nodded as he buried himself in you. no more words being spoken but you could still hear his breath and heartbeat. 

eventually as he fell asleep on you, too tired to keep on crying, you sighed. you were so in love with this man and nothing would change that, not a single trace of a hateful comment could make you believe what they saw because at the end of the day you got to see the real him every day and it was more than they could ever imagine.

[beyondthisdarkhouse]

Tl;dr: I have restocked my Etsy shop! If I sell out again, I won't be able to restock until Tuesday.

Life of me:

Spend months bringing embroidery patterns to sell at historical re-enactment events. Get a lot of admirers but average 3 sales per month. Ponder if this is because the chronic pain-and-fatigue multipliers of being at the event, dressed, with a table set up with stuff, and sitting in a chair for several hours, leaves you with the engaging salesmanship of a Galapagos tortoise.

Buy a roll of interfacing 8" wide and 9 yards (27 feet, 324 inches!!) long to print patterns on. Expect to run out at the end of the next Ice Age. Print 13" long strips because that's the longest size the printer will countenance.

Open Etsy shop. Wait several days. Get 9 visitors.

Post on Tumblr

Receive RAVENING HORDE of buyers on Etsy, like homg. When nobody else got me, I know TUMBLR got me. Sell out entire inventory in like 6 hours flat.

Realize that the item price with the coupon code discount is $2 less than the cost of shipping. Realize why so many people cautioned me against guaranteed free shipping. Make shipping the customer's issue.

Change prices, bc they were originally based around the marketing idea of "please oh god someone buy something I'm fucking desperate"

Package up first 5 Etsy orders around midnight; put hoodie on and walk to nearest postbox.

Occupy yourself with embroidering a little mushroom while winding down for sleep (necessary due to vibration of HOLY SHIT I SOLD THINGS)

Feel like a medieval peasant to whom a miracle has occurred

In the morning, decide to dump the seller manual and planned schedule of product release. Wander the apartment 5x looking for stray lengths of embroidery pattern that have gotten put somewhere weird. Print out patterns until only ONE PIECE of interfacing is left.

Order more interfacing, but the soonest it will arrive is Tuesday. Take inventory and calculate how many items are claimed vs up for sale.

Photograph every single blackwork handstitch pattern in the apartment. They are not very good photographs, but at least they exist.

Sleep for 6 hours in the middle of the day because apparently photography is exhausting and fibromyalgia is an ass

Realise right hand is inflamed and hurts to move because of embroidering a littol mushroom. Why are bodies.

List every single pattern on Etsy even if there's only 1 piece of it for sale. Ache from head to toe because apparently standing up to deal with the printer etc counts as like, intense physical labour?

Email 3 local print shops for quotes because this is. A LOT.

Tomorrow:

Have helper come over and package up orders to go out.

Print very last page of interfacing. Probably with more of the Cottagecore pattern, which just sold out, because it is STINKING CUTE.

Monday:

Spend whole day playing Stardew Valley and eating chocolate pudding and NOT THINKING about the provincial election. (Voted last week, the day advanced polls opened)

Now:

Walk from living room to bed. Why?? How?? Why are we put on this earth?? Just to suffer???

[the---hermit]

02|11|2023

Today was intense to say the least. Everything I did was structured around this online lecture I had and it was a waste of time. Today and tomorrow were lectures dedicated to discussing potential paper topics, and you can bet I will send the professor and email tomorrow morning because I don't plan on joining again. I ended up wasting the hours in which I am most productive to just listen about other people's projects of which I don't really care about because I will be working on something else. After the lecture I was exhausted, but I still got some work done in the afternoon, so I'm happy about that. Another recent joy was finding out I can braid the top of my hair! Right now my haircut is kinda terrible because I have been growing out my shorter cut, and ngl it does not look good. But braids are fixing everything, so now I can take all the time I need to figure out what the hell I actually want to do with my hair! A special thanks also goest to my mom who the other day adjusted my hair in the back so now I don't look that terrible.

cozy hobbit autumn activities and productivity:

read first thing in the morning

worked for an hour-ish on a lecture of my power practices class before taking a break from screens

had a 3 hour online lecture for my English class

worked a lot on my crochet project (I was in fact crocheting during the online lecture but on my defense it was just people discussing with the prof their paper topic)

in the afternoon I got back to the power practices lecture I started in the morning and worked a bit more on that (I have about 20 minutes left to finish tomorrow, but it's fine)

podcasts to shut my brain off (I started the last season of the mistholme museum and i don't want it to end)

today's self care:

made sure to drink enough water

took all the breaks I needed when I could (so basically when I was studying and not following the lecture) and actually studied less than I had planned in the afternoon because I was too tired

did some breathing exercises

📖:Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White, Finn Family Moomintroll by Tove Jansson

[desi2go]

Lonely Night

Idol Bang Chan x y/n

Warnings: slight angst, fight

Author's note: Hello. This is my first entry. I hope you enjoy reading it. If you have any improvements or requests please write them in the comments :-)

Chan and you knew each other for many years. You are a manager of Stray Kids and loved every member. After you fell in love with the leader, Stray Kids became your family.

Chan always worked hard for the group even when that meant to stay all night in the studio to work on their songs. Especially now, when the comeback is just about to happen.

You were understanding and helped him whenever you had time. You stayed also long to answer your emails and to plan Stray Kids concerts and events. After you finished your work, you usually go to your boyfriends studio, so that you can go home together.

As you completed your work for today, you turned off your pc and looked to the clock. It was shortly after midnight as you walked through the hallways to go to your boyfriends studio. You are exhausted from the long day and all you wanted to do now, was driving home with Chan, to eat something of the leftovers and to cuddle with him in bed. You studied Stray Kids schedule, so you knew that they had a rehearsal tomorrow morning at 7 am. You feared that he was overworking himself because of the upcoming comeback and wanted that he takes a break.

Chan was still focused on his pc as you walked into the room. You slowly go to him and lay your hands on his shoulders. Immediately, he took off his headphones and turns to you.

"Hey babe" He greeted you with a tired smile. His curly hair messy because he ran through it so many times.

"Hey Channie" You kissed his temple. "I'm nearly finished. Give me five minutes"

You nodded and sat down on a chair while you waited. Time passed. Almost one hour later Chan was still concentrated on his work. You knew that he would barely sleep that night if you wouldn't stop him overworking himself. So you got up and took his headphones.

"Y/n I'm nearly finished."

"I know, but it's almost 1 am and you have a rehearsal tomorrow morning at 7 am. I think it would be better when you just take a break and get some sleep."

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I know my schedule. I don't need to be reminded."

"Yes, but don't overwork yourself Chan" You answered. "I am not overworking myself, Y/n! When I'm finished with that I'll take a break. I can take care of myself. I don't need anyone to tell me what I should and what I shouldn't do."

He looked tired and frustrated. But right now you were angry. You only tried to take care of him. "Chan, I only want to help you!"

" But why don't you see that you aren't helping? I will go home when I have this done." He yelled. You were shocked. Especially when you heard him mumbling: " Gosh, you're so annoying" as he put on his headphones and turned back to the computer.

You barely understood it. But you did. Every single word. You stared at his back, realising what he just said. The anger turned immediately into sadness and disbelief. He never said something like that to you. Sure, you had some fights before. But he never mentioned that he finds you annoying.

With tears in your eyes you walked out of the room. Your boyfriend still focused on the screen in front of him. You go over the conversation again and again. Maybe you are annoying? The only thing you wanted was to get him to rest. He always works and comes home tired without eating something the whole day. You usually bring him food and his favourite snacks so that he eats something when he is at the studio. But maybe I should stop?

You drove back to your apartment. It was 30 minutes away from work that's why you spend most of the time at your boyfriends home because it wasn't that far away from the center. But after that fight, you don't know if Chan wants you there. Maybe it is better for you two, if you give him space, you thought. Even though you missed him. You were used to lay your head on his chest while his hands brush through your hair and to listen to his heartbeat as you fall asleep. You realise that this will be a lonely night.

Part two

[negativepeanuthoarder]

PLEASE MORE PREGGOS SAP N DNN PLEASEEE either angst or fluff

Alright I'm going to set a timer for 20 minutes and write as much as I can :)

944 words, not proofread, Mpreg, no smut, one mention of weight gain/loss

"I feel awful," Sapnap grumbles, lying down on the couch and staring at the ceiling. He really has - waking up every morning with horrible vomiting and fatigue, unable to do much of anything except lie down and sleep, and he can't even do that half the time.

"I know," Dream walks past and touches Sapnap's head before putting a cup of tea on the little table beside him. It's ginger tea, supposed to soothe his upset stomach.

Sapnap sips at it weakly, exhausted. "What even causes this stuff anyways?"

"It's probably just a virus," Dream assures as George walks into the room, spotting Sapnap and Dream on the couch and making a beeline for them both.

"It can't be a virus," George comments casually, leaning onto Sapnap like a nosy cat. "You've been sick for like a week now and none of us have caught it."

Sapnap sighs. "Do you think it's going to go away?"

"Probably," Dream assures. "If you throw up tomorrow we'll go to the doctor's."

"Mm," Sapnap mumbles, rolling over a little and burying himself in throw pillows and blankets, wanting nothing more then to nap for a while and hopefully sleep this off.

George inches closer until they're cuddled up against one another and Dream smiles at them both, gently leaning to kiss Sapnap's forehead and George's cheek, before standing. "I've got some work to do in my office, okay? But I promise I'll be right back when I'm done, we can watch a movie or play a game."

"Okay," Sapnap mumbles. "Can you email someone for me and tell them I can't stream?"

"Of course," Dream assures. "Love you."

"Love you too," Sapnap mumbles, sighing as he finally sinks into the mattress and into a dreamless sleep.

-

George is deeply suspicious of this.

For one, Sapnap throwing up constantly without getting Dream and George sick is weird enough on it's own, but there's other things he's picking up on that neither Sapnap nor Dream seem to notice.

Sapnap frequently leaving their bed in the middle of the night, avoiding foods he used to like while gravitating towards stuff he normally hates, the slight weight gain even though they've been working out all the time.

All signs point to Sapnap being pregnant, which is completely ridiculous because Sapnap can't get pregnant.

Which is why George hasn't brought it up.

But today's as good a day as any to bring this up to Dream and ask what he thinks. George is getting a little sick of feeling like the only person around here with eyeballs.

He releases Sapnap gently, running his hand over his boyfriend's midsection just in case, wondering if he's actually right, if there is a little baby growing inside Sapnap. Sapnap whines in his sleep and rolls over, away from George, and George slips out of the living room and to Dream's office.

"Can we talk?" He asks, knocking at the open door.

Dream tugs off his headphones. "Yeah, what's up?"

George sighs. This is going to be a weird conversation so he might as well get it out of the way. "I think Sapnap's pregnant."

Dream stares at him for a long moment before snorting, amused. "Okay. That's pretty funny - just because he's caught something or had food poisioning doesn't mean he's-"

"I'm serious," George frowns at him. "He's getting up all the time, has all this weird food stuff, sleeps all day, he's sick, and on top of that he's gained a little weight. He's pregnant."

Dream looks at George for a long moment, trying to process that information. "But... George he's - he can't get pregnant, he doesn't even have a like... uterus. That's impossible."

"It's either that or he's got some weird illness that's masqerading as pregnancy," George sighs. "Look it couldn't hurt to take a pregnancy test, can it?"

Dream looks skeptical. "Yeah, that won't hurt, but good luck convincing Sapnap he's pregnant."

George slinks off, ordering a pregnancy test for same-day delivery online as he does so, and trots back to the living room.

-

Turns out Sapnap is extremely easy to convince he needs to take a pregnancy test. He thinks it's a joke and humors George by taking it.

And then it comes back positive. He's pregnant. He really is pregnant. Sapnap is pregnant.

"This doesn't- I'm not even- I shouldn't-" Sapnap mutters, sitting down at a barstool while Dream and George get food for the three of them. "This shouldn't even be possible."

"Well... we'll get a good look at the doctor's office tomorrow," Dream sighs, before walking over to kiss Sapnap's head. "But until then you probably need to rest for a little, okay?"

Sapnap agrees, purely because he's really tired and just wants to nap in their bed. He also wants them to snuggle with him, and he wants the cats to snuggle with him too, even though they're entirely disinterested in doing that.

Except Patches, who leans against him and purrs while he sleeps, warm and safe in their big bed. Dream joins him a little later with a laptop to work on, and George climbs in with his phone. He likes resting his hand on Sapnap's tummy.

George loves it, loves feeling like he's holding a baby inside Sapnap, a little jelly bean. Their baby, all three of them. Their little baby growing inside Sapnap. He loves it. He loves them already, because they're a part of Sapnap and George loves Sapnap and he loves Dream and he loves whatever this is.

Even if this is all a false alarm. But that's a worry for tomorrow. Today George is happy with his boyfriends and their baby.

[thessalian]

Thess vs More Unexpected Absences

Well, Temp is back at least, but I swear, nobody gives anybody any notice for anything anymore and I am fed the fuck up.

See, we get an update of what's going on with the schedule every week, mostly because with some of us working from home, it's about the only way to keep up with the schedule. So today we got, "Temp is back; Goblin's got an appointment in the morning but she'll be back in the afternoon". We're not quite as badly swamped as we were, but ... it's still pretty unfortunate. Especially since the cherry-picking of the typing has got so bad it's untrue. I mean, every. Single. Annoyance, just ... left sitting there for me. And I'm still exhausted by a weekend where I didn't get enough rest and a recurring fucking migraine. But I figured, hey, at least Goblin will be back later, and Milady usually steps in from time to time and she's not too scared of the longer ones...

So today at lunchtime, we get an email: "So actually, Goblin's going to be off the entire day now, and Milady's leaving early".

.........I mean, I hope everyone's okay and everything, but why the fuck did we not get told that there was a possibility that Goblin's appointment might run long?!? And that Milady might have to take off early?

Sometimes I'm just so fed the fuck up of being the reliable one. I woke up far too early because my body was betraying me, I keep having vertigo moments, I probably should not in any way be working, but ... there it is and there I am, because unexpected absences. And of course, the cherry-picking. So while I'm having pain, vertigo, and brain-fog, I have to fight through the Annoyances while they just dawdle through the nice easy ones.

And it's still three weeks or so until I get time off.

Also, Phineas decided to throw a wobble for no apparent reason this morning after I had to restart my computer for updates (but I just installed your bullshit Windows 11; why the fuck now?!?). It just kept switching on and off at random. Thank the gods for my phone; I Googled and found out that people with this issue have luck resolving it by reseating the RAM sticks. Which I did, and it worked, so ... I mean, okay?

It's been way too rough a day, and I've still got three hours of it to go before I can, like, relax, or lie down, or something. So back I go to the grind. I hurt and I hate more or less everything right now, but it's the job. And I can't even clock off early because I'm scared of what it'll look like tomorrow. Plus I hesitate to call in sick because I'm scared of what the workload will look like after a day of me not doing it.

This was such a great job once.

[pbandjesse]

I felt so bad today I had to stay home. My voice was totally gone. I couldn't even laugh!! Nothing would come out! Terrible. Uncomfortable. I was not having a very good day.

I didn't sleep great. I actually fell asleep sleeping on my back which I literally never do. I just couldn't get comfortable breathing on my side.

When I woke up I was coughing so hard. We think I have bronchitis. James told me I shouldn't go to work. And they were correct. I was worried about moving the car to the correct side of the street. And they said that if that was what was worrying me then they would go do that.

I would wash my face and did my lotions to try to feel better. But I still needed to stay home and stay in bed.

I don't remember James leaving. Which made James very worried when I told them that later. But I just somehow missed that conversation. Like I remember them coming in to check on me. And asking if they should bring anything home for me. But I missed them saying goodbye. So I was slightly distressed. But I would be alright.

My voice was very hoarse. I decided I should just try my best to not talk. Rest my voice and my body.

I would have my little sandwich James had made for me. Today was not exciting. I had my sandwich and enjoyed looking out the window. I watched a lot of videos. I texted with Jess. I texted with Celia. We came up with a silly plan about voting for best bird of the session next summer. I was not feeling great but I was trying to be positive.

I would gaslight myself into thinking I was fine when I didnt cough for a few minutes and then I would cough so hard I thought I was dying. My chest and throat feel bruised. It was pretty rough.

I thought about sleeping. But while my body was exhausted from coughing, my brain was totally awake. So I just spent a lot of time playing on my phone. Writing emails. Watching videos. Jess told me to be nice to myself and I was trying!

I just wanted to be fixed. I accidently kicked Sweetp and couldn't even apologize. It was tough.

I got an email from a fieldtrip next week and there was a mistake on our end with our calendar. Which then lead to a bunch of phone tag with Alexi and Elizabeth. I didn't realize Elizabeth was still on jury duty. And she didn't know I was home and it was just a lot of back and forth trying to figure out how to fix this. And it'll be fine but it is a little annoying we got all flip flopped.

James would come home soon enough. And we had discussed how I wanted taco bell. So they would take me there. Which honestly helped me feel a lot better. After they cooled off and I got shoes on, they had a quick call with Dante. I tried to say hi but it was just a squeak. And then we were off.

We drove out to Brooklyn park. And got to watch the pretty sunset over the water. Speaking of water there is going to be an event soon to jump in the harbor because it's safe to swim now. Mostly. I want to jump in the harbor?! James does too.

We got taco bell. It was great. I ate it on the drive back and it was exactly what I wanted.

When we got back here James took all our Halloween decorations down. Hung up the blanket I got them as a wall tapestry. Love it. We will wait to put our Christmas decor up until Thanksgiving. Though we need to get our Christmas egg down. We are trying to start a tradition. The ceremonial opening of the egg. Which is a little Christmas scene inside. Love the egg. We opened it last year after Thanksgiving dinner. That's the tradition. We're going to make it a whole thing.

We have been hanging out since then. James made themselves pizza dough. I laid in bed. Eventually I went and took a bath and it helped my chest congestion a little. But I'm still suffering.

I am going to try to sleep soon. I want to go to work tomorrow. So I really hope I feel a little better then I do right now. When I just started coughing so hard I started crying. Sucks. I do not like this.

I love you all though. And I hope we all feel better

[uglytsumugi12]

shine▲polyhedric tri-lights 【ep 7】

♢ characters: natsume, tsumugi

♢ season: winter

― ☆ ―

〈 Next morning 〉

Natsume: …..

Tsumugi: Oh! Good morning, Natsume-kun! You're early today.

Huh? I see you're looking up sports articles on your phone. Ah, an interview with an athlete, that'd for sure be helpful!

Natsume: Excuse yOU? It's rude to peek at someone's phoNE.

Tsumugi: Ah, sorry. I couldn't help seeing it from this position.

Still, it's reassuring to see everyone's taking this matter at heart. I believe Sora-kun was reading a fashion magazine in the shared room yesterday, too.

Natsume: OH. Sora was in tHE, uM, the shared rOOM?¹

Tsumugi: Yes. Students who belong in sports club often frequent that room. He mentionned wanting to talk to them, and it was the perfect occasion.

I was exhausted though, so I immediately went back to my room. Ah, Sora-kun's energy is impressive…

Natsume: WeLL, that being saID, what'd you come here fOR? Office work agAIN?

Tsumugi: Hey, I'm not always working in the office, you know~? I had some ideas about Switch for today.

I planned to contact the company through the office's PC so they give me resources concerning their past collaborations. I thought I'd ask them now.

We could use that information not only on idols, but also on famous athletes as reference for our own project.

Natsume: HM. I guess² it's good to see you're enthusiastic about IT.

--Or maybe it was that fruitless enthusiasm brought by this proposal that put us in such miserable situaTION. What a nuisaNCE.³

Why in hell did you write this proposAL? We're both terrible at spoRTS.

Sora's for sure okay with iT, but it's obvious this project isn't suitable for the both of uS.

Tsumugi: Ahaha. It's embarrassing to admit, but I guess that was mostly youthful enthusiasm.

Natsume: Surely they weren't aiming for athletic idols on the high roAD⁴, rigHT?

Even with the world upside doWN, that'd never be possibLE. If a world exists where Senpai is considered a high road idOL, I think I'd despaIR.

Tsumugi: Hey, I don't exactly want to be on the high road either, y'know?~ When I was still in fine, I quickly realized being on the high road wasn't for me.

Proof is there. Switch isn't a unit aiming for the high road, after all ♪

Natsume: HaH? Are you saying fine can do what Switch can'T? Are you saying we're not good enouGH?

Tsumugi: Eeh? I never said that!? How am I supposed answer then?…

I just worded it wrongly… I prefer to be an idol close to his fans rather than being far away from them because of popularity.

Natsume: …WeLL, you're only saying thinGS.⁵

Tsumugi: Eeh~… Then how am I supposed to have you trust me?

…Oh? Woah, I immediately got a reply to my email.

Seems like the company's had a lot of projects in the past. I should go make a copy of these documents real quick.

Natsume: You're constantly busy with woRK, aren't yoU? Won't it take too long to go all the way over theRE?

Tsumugi: Hehe, don't worry about it. I have my schedule cleared completely to focus on Switch. I'll get this done when working on tasks later ♪

Natsume: HM… WeLL, you're free to do whatever you waNT, buT--

--Don't return home too laTE. You'll have to be well-rested for Switch work tomorrOW.

Tsumugi: Yes, understood ♪

Ah also, Natsume-kun. If you don't mind, could you read my future with tarot?

Natsume: WhY.

Tsumugi: Why? Well, yesterday, you said you did a reading for Sora-kun, so...

If Sora-kun got his reading, I can have mine from Natsume-kun, too~.... Right? ♪

Natsume: Five hundred trillion yEN.

Tsumugi: H- hey, I can't afford that! And Sora-kun didn't have to pay, did he..?

Natsume: Shut uP. From your positiON, you're in no right to have such an attitUDE.

They're waiting for yOU, so get moviNG.

Tsumugi: You're right. I wanted to see if I could get any good omen, but... I'm sure you know there aren't any bad outcomes on the way.

Alright, I'll get going now. I'll bring lots of references!

Natsume: YeS, yES. Get going alreaDY.

...HmPH. That Senpai made me lose too much tiME.

Why'd he suddenly ask for a tarot reaDING. WeirDO...

......

"Wheel of Fortune"...⁶

...This doesn't feel right.

— 1- i suppose natsume isnt aware of this room?? or at least unfamiliar with it w this hesitation here 2- natsume uses an expression like "though not quite good" or like" more or less" so expressing some kind of condescension…harsh 3- omg here natsume mentions like "this is yakubyogami" who's an evil god believed to enter houses bring disease and misfortune to whoever it meets. i love how dramatic natsume is LOL 4- ok this is kinda hard to explain but its lit. the "royal road", or like a sort of "podium" where the most famous units are or sthn…royal road just sounded a bit eh 5- lit expression is like "you can say whatever with your mouth" which is close to like without actions words dont mean anything or smth like that yk 6- ok here i ABSOLUTELY have to mention this. so this is a tarot card as u might have guessed, and also concerning the separated chapters-- "the tower" is also a tarot card meaning danger, unforeseen change and crisis in a way. and "wheel of fortune" card means a life-changing element, a sudden change in a situation, such as the poor becoming rich or rich becoming poor. GOD I LOVE THIS SM

― ☆ ― ♢ previous chapter ♢ next chapter

✦ masterlist

[vizthedatum]

I am feeling a million times better right now. I don't know what's changed. I still haven't gotten my period (which is fine... I have no idea when and how my periods are going to cease on testosterone).

(Maybe PMDD stuff is over? I'm starting a new pack of my birth control progestin pills tomorrow, so shrug.)

I don't know if I did my injection right earlier this week. I was so exhausted, and THE DRUG IS SO VISCOUS. I am unsure if I pushed it all the way down because I felt slimy stuff on my skin afterward, but I had to keep lying down so much on Thursday, so who knows? I'm usually better with needles, I swear haha. But yeah. I feel so much better all of a sudden. Like, I really notice it now. Possible reasons:

My friends gave me a lot of love today. I was also able to respond to many of their messages, emails, texts, and calls. I love hearing my friends' voices on the phone, and I also had human contact with one of my friends - that was healing. They know who they are. <3

It also helped that I didn't work AT ALL today (I almost did). I just worked on my art and coding skills.

I listened to music.

I started a new show.

I ate more food!!!! I was hydrated.

I took a shower.

I'm doing a fun social outing tomorrow with a friend!

My bowel movements are FINALLY back to normal (this is TMI but so important because I was on many antibiotics earlier, and I have been trying to take A LOT OF PROBIOTICS (like different kinds, several strains... sigh) to help rebuild. Besides, when you're in your 30s with chronic inflammatory conditions and trauma, GI stuff IS SO IMPORTANT. IYKYK

--

Something in me also just feels lighter, mentally.

I feel more at peace about something - I have spiritual ideas. I realized I was less likely to accept bullshit behavior from people I would end up dating. I don't have to get so attached, and I can still love people all the same.

I didn't take an extra dose of Lithium either.

Hmm. I don't know.

Should I blame it on astrology and the eclipse season? Or maybe I just needed to rest more.

[exd1000]

Day 4

Okay so just went for a ~3 mile jog with Benj. I feel good need to do more cardio to lose fat because apparently lagree is just making me stronger haha. Emailed about my application status this morning and just got a response now that they rescheduled some interviews with other candidates and will make the decision this week lmao. I felt so brave and proud of myself initially for inquiring regardless of rejection and I mean I still feel that way but let me just take some time to take in the response. Nothing negative I'm sure I'll be fine regardless just taking the information in. Gonna do some work work (an hour on the timer) before my meeting today and also asking for the 24th off to go to Houston with W to help her with her work. Excited because that'll be nice to go (even though it's to work haha)!

Additionally, to take my physical health more seriously and because I want to be more intentional about being fit and getting my "dream body" I'm going to have to start being more mindful about my eating habits. I will start breakfast with a protein bar, banana/apple/etc, cereal/oatmeal/yogurt, smoothie, eggs/bread/avocado for at least 200 calories then eat a decent size lunch and just skip dinner because I think for the most part I'm fine after lagree. But I will need to get more little snacks like fruits/veggies throughout the day if anything. I also need to prioritize getting enough sleep more as well. Need to figure that out somehow. But that is it for now!

To do:

Data analysis for work manuscript

Graphwalk analysis

Python (& pandas) practice

Go over data structures and their methods

Look into phd stuff

It's currently 10pm right now and I am exhausted. Lagree was good. I ate a lot today made ground beef nachos with greek yogurt today (that was nice/fun to make on the spot) also had my avocado cilantro lime salad earlier this morning. Anyway, need to continue doing more data analysis stuff for work as well as for the graphwalk project. I was just working on python/pandas stuff and I've been skipping over reading the lessons and just jumping into problem solving but reading the lessons really help haha. I also found an article that I'm really intrigued am interested in so need to read that tomorrow.

Things I learned:

Today I learned that |= means merge ('|')and update ('|=') for dictionaries so that's cool. It's essentially like the .update() method and takes the values() of the second dictionary.

Tomorrow:

Data analysis for work (extract visually understandable figures)

Graphwalk analysis

Read the research article

Python (&pandas) practice

[justumaithoughts]

Life Update

Hey, future me (I know I’ll come back to this post when things are better, and I’ll probably laugh at how cringy I sound). Writing a blog post to myself might seem a bit strange, I could just write my thoughts in my phone note or write an email to my future self. But hey, I’m doing what feels right, so here’s my life update from May 6th, 2024. Life… it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster lately. Just two days ago, I got hit with some pretty shocking news, and, honestly, I couldn’t help but let out a few tears. Even though it’s been ages since I last cried over life stuff, that day just got to me. I know crying won’t magically fix things, but it’s my way of letting out all the stress I've been keeping to myself. I’ve been praying so hard, asking Allah for some peace of mind and a smoother way ahead to achieve my goals. Don’t get me wrong, though, I’m not dwelling in sadness or feeling miserable right now. But man, I turned 27 this year, been trying to be a proper adult, while working hard chasing after those big dreams of mine, plus, dealing with the mess COVID left behind? It’s not an easy work (heeheee).

Anyway, I’m trying my best to take things one day at a time, not letting stuff I can’t control stress me out too much. And you know what? There’s still plenty of good stuff going on in my life right now. Whether it’s getting obsessed over my current favourite K-drama (although I already know I’m gonna feel lost and experience post-series depression syndrome once it’s over), catching up with old friends, or making new friends with people who just get me, who have the same way of thinking as me, there’s always something to smile about. And I’m beyond grateful that my family and friends are doing well in life and that they are healthy too. After my mom’s heart troubles from 2022 to 2023, her surgery earlier this year was a success, alhamdulillah. As for me, I’m set on getting back into my exercise routine, starting with a morning run tomorrow. Work’s as always full of deadlines and ideas block and so little time, but somehow I’m still managing to find the inspiration to design those websites for clients, especially when the pressure’s on hahahaha.

All in all, despite the drizzle, there’s still a lot to be thankful for. Even if I don’t always understand why Allah makes me go through what I'm going through right now, I’m positive that things will work out for the best because Allah's plan is the best plan. And even if it’s a bit stormy now, I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a bright, shiny rainbow. Just gotta keep giving it my all. I hope I will never lose hope and always be positive in facing things in my life, just like now, I hope that I continue to be the hardworking person who is always eager to be better and learn new things each day.

Oh, before I forget, let me drop my current jam here: Lizzy McAlpine's “I Guess.”

Alright, time for bed, I’m exhausted and in serious need of some deep sleep.

[jamesrecords]

Those mild annoyances are piling up.

I came home after an INCREDIBLY busy week hoping to get some rest and I'm immediately greeted by "you need to do xyz and you're ungrateful and I've been doing all the work-" like I haven't been working my ass off??? Like I haven't been running between job interviews and volunteering and social events and emails and applications and chores like my life depends on it. Like this hasn't been an incredibly busy and stressful week for me. Like I haven't been dragged from shopping to stress to loud noises to late nights to low bank account notifications. I really wanted to break down crying. I thought I was getting a break. I was wrong.

And now there's more loud sounds and dogs barking and hunger and anger and this is just the surface. This is just my life. This doesn't even touch the fucking genocide happening in the world and the fact that nobody in my family seems to care except me. This doesn't scratch making fun of protestors who get arrested. This doesn't even get close to the fact that I know people in real life who have lost family and you're making fun of it.

I am hungry. I am tired. I'm fucking exhausted. I'm angry and frustrated and annoyed and stressed and I can't express those feelings right now. Because we have people over making loud noises and you're working and cousin is doing whatever the fuck. But you need me here tomorrow with the loud sounds and you need me to behave today and you need me to run around and tear myself to pieces and it's so loud I can't even think.

But I'll put on a smile and pretend it's okay because you're stressed too and don't want to hear shit from me right now. Because you can handle the loud sounds and everything else and so should I. Because you're better than me.

Just leave me the fuck alone.

[thessalian]

Thess vs The Longest Week

So, more work updates.

Scruffman hadn't put a Teams meeting in the diary like he said he was going to, so I dropped him an email to ask. He said he'd "give a bell" on Tuesday instead so he'd have a better idea of the shape of the rest of the week. I pray he decides that I don't need to actually go in. This week has been bad enough, and it's not technically over yet.

This week has seen me doing nearly ten hours total overtime over four days, and looks like I'll be putting in some work on Saturday too. Thing is, even with Scruffman in, not a whole lot of typing was getting done by anyone but me. Add to that a whole bunch of long complicated bullshit, not to mention a couple of them who fucked up their dictations beyond all recognition and obliged me to drop them an email going, "You forgot the block key, I couldn't hear this word because you were sitting several feet away from your microphone, you took your foot off the footpedal at an inopportune moment and cut out a whole bunch of measurements, please tell me this was meant to be 5mm or 0.5cm and not 0.5mm because you don't do slices that thin in these things..." and on and on and on... Also the ones who miss things and wind up having to go back to the macro three or four times in the middle of the block key without giving any indication of where in the macro report the new stuff has to go, and the ones whose sentence structure is abominable even when English is their first language (for those who don't have English as their first language, I tend to cut them some slack). In short, I'm having to clean up an awful lot of messes while still trying to do the job of multiple typists.

Part of the problem at this point is that we have so many more junior doctors, and everyone - junior doctors included - are in a massive hurry, and so they kind of foul things up. And of course, we're understaffed. When we had fewer doctors doing dictation and two extra people in, we were just a little bit overstaffed, and that was comfortable because if a lot of unexpected absences happened, we could still carry on well enough. But we had two people leave last year - one having moved on to greener pastures, one just having walked right out - and more doctors, so now we're massively understaffed and can barely keep our heads above water when we have everyone working, never mind when we have so many unexpected absences. Head Honcho really has got to get us a replacement for Sunshine at minimum, but it's been ages and it hasn't happened so I doubt it will.

Anyway, so that's why I've pulled a total of nearly ten hours of overtime this week, and why I'll be doing some work on Saturday as well. Because people come in and report on weekends on top of everything else, and there seems to be literally no one else to type things but me. I am so exhausted I can't even begin to tell you, but despite that, I haven't slept properly for most of the week, given pain and stress. Even my breaks were generally to get essentials done - trip to the corner shop, ordering the monthly grocery shop, stuffing something resembling dinner into my face, bath to hopefully soak out some of the aches, stuff like that.

I guess there's some good news, though. Today was payday, and there were things that required ordering. Like, for instance, a kitchen scale for those annoying times when recipe ingredients lists go by weight. And some cake tins. And some gluten-free self-raising flour that has good reviews and doesn't require me to know how much xanthan gum to put in the damn thing. I mean, bread is definitely on the list of things I want to make, but I also intend to make the absolute most out of Baking Yesteryear. So tomorrow, in between having to go out for a couple of errands and the never-ending overtime, I intend to make Admiral's Gingerbread. I will very much deserve a treat after this clusterfuck.

[nancypullen]

I Did It Again

I ended that last blog post with "until tomorrow", forgetting that I'd have a house full of crazy for the weekend. The Edgewater gang arrived Friday after school and the grandgirl kept me entertained through Saturday. We looked through toy catalogs wondering what Santa might bring (costumes, lots of costumes). We painted and heavily glittered a wooden Christmas tree for her to give to her other grandma in Tennessee. She'll be down there for Thanksgiving so she might as well arrive bearing gifts, right? We played many hours of "Princess School" (Grancy's trick for practicing reading), an equal amount of time with Barbies and, of course, fairies. We read several books and explored places on her globe. Time well spent. It could also explain why I slept like I was in a coma last night. Anywho, fun weekend and now I'm prepping for Matthew to come home for Thanksgiving. He'll arrive Saturday and depart the following Saturday. I can't wait! I always get excited when Matt comes home because when we're together weird things happen. Sometimes it's a kooky encounter with someone, sometimes it's natural phenomena, sometimes it's just something we screw up that becomes hilarious. Whatever it is, I enjoy it. Also, I'm looking forward to roasting the bird and making all of those forbidden, fattening side dishes. None of us need them but we all want them. I finished designing our Xmas cards and ordered those, I was able to stack two coupons and get them for over 50% off. Score! I'm browsing websites, hoping to find the perfect birthday gift for my dear sister. I want it to be special. What do you get the gal that has everything? A purse to put it in? Nah. It has to be more special than that. No one on my Christmas list seems to know what they want to find under the tree. That makes it very hard to give sweet surprise to the people you love. I want to make everybody happy, and make Christmas merry, but I also don't want to waste money buying things that won't be used, worn, or read, ya' know? We're all of an age where we like what we like and it's often hard to choose for another.

Don't even get me started on my mother. She'll be 88 in March, is probably in better shape than I am, stays active mentally and physically, and doesn't need a darn thing. She doesn't want her house cluttered with "stuff", and would probably prefer to choose her own things anyway. You'd think that paying for a service might be a good idea - yard service (she's got one, but still does most of the work herself), maid service (she wouldn't allow it), meal deliveries (she'd tell me she's perfectly capable of making her own meals, and she is)...and I don't think she wants to be a member of any fruit of the month or jam of the month clubs. She's a voracious reader, but chooses her own books. I usually resort to getting her a gift card for books, and then various small things that I think she might enjoy. I always make a big batch of Cranberry Noel cookies for her, and at least I know she likes those. But what small things does she need this year...new slippers? a warm robe? She's not your typical 87/88 year old, so she's not a candidate for any of those "elder helper" gadgets. She's loaded, so she doesn't need monetary gifts. It's looking more and more like she'll be getting a kitten from me. I mean, isn't that the perfect gift? It's what I'd like for every holiday. Just kidding, I'd never give a pet as a gift unless it was specifically requested. Please don't email me. I'm at a loss, so I guess I'll just wing it. Seems like every year I am less on my game for the holidays. I used to have a plan of attack and exhausted myself making everything pretty, sparkly, delicious, and merry. Is this normal? Did I burn out? I still want everything to be perfect, I just don't seem to have the drive. Part of it probably has to do with living in Denton. Nowhere to shop, not much is decorated, no holiday music playing on hidden speakers in mall parking lots, etc. - no cheer! There will be one small Christmas tree lot at the fire station, proceeds go to the volunteer fire department. Ridgley will have a Christmas festival that will be so dark you can hardly se your hand in front of your face. I'm hoping that we can go to Chestertown's Dickens Christmas Festival. I'll have a hard time not comparing it to the one we used to go to in Franklin. Still, it should be fun. I refuse to become a Grinch because of geography. I'm Team Whoville!

In other news, I'm scheduled for my flu shot and Covid booster on Wednesday. Hopefully that'll make me bulletproof. Even better, Centreville (about 20 miles from us) has opened a brand spankin' new YMCA with a POOL! They've got water aerobics, Zumba classes, an indoor walking track and all sorts of stuff. It all sounds very promising. We're going to go over and check it out. Because we're old it's a pretty cheap monthly fee. I'm sure if we join that's when the library will finally call and offer me a job. I may have finally found a way to fill my time and get some exercise. I should probably stress to the library that I'd really like that tasty part-time position. Alright, I won't subject you to any more of my rambling, disjointed thoughts. Just thought I'd check-in. Maybe I'll have something of interest to share tomorrow, but so far my plans are to pull up a bunch of stonecrop and replace it with some of the mums I bought this fall. I can't imagine that will make for an exciting blog post unless I accidentally uncover a next of hornets or something. Let's all hope that doesn't happen. I'm off to have a little dinner and catch up on some true crime viewing. I'll meet you back here tomorrow. Until then, stay safe, stay well, and send some Christmas spirit my way! XOXO, Nancy