#emotional over the fucking baftas

[midnights-dragon]

don’t settle unless you find someone who looks at you the way david tennant looks at georgia tennant

[chellyfishing]

i’m trying to finish one last book before my year-end book post goes up so i’m gonna talk about games and tv first. not too many of either to talk about this year tbh but i apparently still have so many words.

no movies post bc i don’t log my films anywhere and i simply cannot remember what i watched. maybe i should make 2024 the year of using letterboxed. not enough to talk about with new music either. 2024 can also be the year of getting back into music.

games: i actually haven’t played much ffxiv this year. well in the first half i sorta did but i have barely touched it since like. august. except to keep my houses from getting demolished. i did finally finish myths of the realm last week, since they wrote that entire storyline for me specifically. i need the minion so bad yoship help.

in march capcom gave me a birthday prezzie with the release of the resident evil 4 remake which i’d had preordered since last year (the only games i’ll preorder and pay full price for are resis and ffxiv expansions). i don’t need to explain this to you. it’s incredibly good, the best of the extremely good remakes so far i think. i haven’t played the dlc yet but i’m excited to think there is more of this game i still have to play. btw ashley defense squad. i’ll brook no ashley slander in my house.

i can’t remember exactly when but i think it was some time in the summer that i finally, finally finished breath of the wild! i’m so behind the curve on this one, but i did at least get to start tears of the kingdom in the same year as everyone else. umm, i have to admit i remain ambivalent to this approach to zelda. i have to challenge myself to figure out how much of that is because iT’s DiFfErEnT but genuinely i think the things i dislike about it, i would still dislike even if i had nothing to compare it against. i really wish i thought it was the best zelda ever like so many do but i guess i just struggle to find a flow state with either of them which is why it’s taking me so fucking long to finish them lmao. still obviously extremely good and beautiful! like still head and shoulders above most games, easily, a good time overall!! (wish nintendo wasn’t the way that it is.)

i should mention that one day in july i fucked around in catlateral damage while streaming for bella. this is a very basic game, literally you are just a cat’s paw knocking things over, but man when you just need a brain-free giggle? it did its job.

also in july i played the sequel to oxenfree, which is a game that i love. this game didn’t click with me quite as much, i haven’t revisited it since i finished it, but there are probably also other reasons i shan’t get into that aren’t the game’s fault. idk i feel a bit unqualified to give a final verdict without playing it to completion but i guess the fact that i’ve had it for months and not bothered to do that yet is a kind of verdict in itself since with oxenfree i went straight back in till i got that final ending and platinum trophy.

for basically all of autumn i of course played baldur’s gate 3. i’m very sad that my extreme anhedonia has hit before i could play the new epilogue. i tried to load up one of my finished games but i ran into a problem because the only way to back up your saves is in the cloud so you can’t shuffle files around or make copies, only overwrite, and don’t get me STARTED again or i’ll start spitting i’m so SICK of PROFIT PROFIT PROFIT AAAAAHH. anyway it’s a pretty good game. i won’t be surprised or mad if neil wins the bafta but it really really should be samantha please if there’s justice in this world.

tv: season 3 of only murders in the building. umm, idk. it’s not a revolutionary show but it’s comforting, it doesn’t feel stale yet, and there’s just a lot of talent at work here. just fun to watch.

i watched almost all of neon genesis evangelion but couldn’t finish it because i decided to have an (unrelated) emotional breakdown instead. i’ll finish it eventually if for no other reason than i owe it to phil. shinji is baby.

finally got to the first season of our flag means death. just a delight. i love fun pirate adventures and i love the queers. unfortunately watched it right before the second season released and haven’t gotten to that yet.

did watch the second season of good omens though. i think they made the right choice to scale it back because honestly once you’ve averted the apocalypse trying to outdo yourself becomes a fool’s errand. also, jon hamm’s butt what who said that.

that’s it i think. as i said no season 2 of ofmd, not even the new flanagan yet which i had really been looking forward to for a long time. i dunno ya girl is struggling to find any pleasure in life atm.

[deargodsno]

How THE FUCK do you call yourself a feminist while publically supporting virulent anti-feminists:

Farrow had tweeted that she was feeling emotional, both because her daughter was turning 18 and because her life had been “invaded and dominated by insane trans rights activists”. She said that she was moved to tears by Rowling’s continued opposition to trans rights activists.

JK Rowling, a self-described feminist, sent some “big love” to the activist and journalist, who once said she “rejects the idea of feminism outright”.

Farrow is the UK and Ireland director of CitizenGo, a far-right, Catholic activist site which has platformed and run petitions against abortion rights, trans rights, surrogacy, same-sex marriage and even LGBT+ lego sets. It has openly supported Russia’s “gay propaganda” law and CitizenGo Africa has campaigned against decriminalising homosexuality in Kenya.

She literally supports child abuse:

...She has openly argued for it to remain legal for parents to slap their children, was hit with an injunction over “abusive tweets” she sent to a trans woman, believes gay sex is “sinful”, has described inclusive sex education as “explicit material… in the name of LGBT”, has spoken out against gay penguins and NHS rainbow lanyards, and this week said she would change phone providers because the EE-sponsored BAFTAs had Drag Race UK star Bimini Bon Boulash cover the event via Twitter.

[bimney424]

Two posts in a week. Damn I am on fire!! If youhaven;t watched e34 then stop reading... I will skip a bit.. SPOILERS AHEAD. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Okay. If you are still reading & you learn something you didn't want to, tough shit. Episode 34 was a MasterClass in Laura Fucking Bailey. Nothing else. It proved why she is one of the best VO actors in the business & a BAFTA winner. It proves why she so many people adore the hell out of her, myself included. Ashely was no slouch in this episode either. Ashley was great. It was a rough decision for her to choose who she was going to revive. People who are bitching about it, I hope you never have to make that decision in a DnD game. Especially not knowing what can be done. Yes, Bells Hells have options & yes I hope it is Keyleth for a lot of reasons. But we will have to wait & see. But back to Laura. This whole damn episode I was glued to watching Laura's reactions to everything that went on. From the very first minute, to the moment when Fearne stated her intentions, to the end when she apologizes over & over again for what took place. Imogen was not to blame. If you have followed me for any amount of time, you know that I am enamored with Laura & the fact that she wears her emotions on her sleeve. As Jester, there were so many moments & we get that again as Imogen. I am curious to see what will happen with Laudna, with Delilha, with Otohan, with what the fuck is going on with FCG, with everything. I might actually be invested now in BH. Maybe

[let-this-ship-sink-already]

Tearing down the Tomdaya timeline, created by "Spidermaninlove" - Part 3 (2018)

I am not using evidence or "proof", which is OUT THERE, to show that this timeline is only based on the emotions/opinions of its creator and is therefore falsely claimed as a fact.

(Warning: Editing is off in this one.)

January 9, 2018

Dom, Tom’s dad, blogs he is flying with Tom to LA today. -> IRRELEVANT.

January 10, 2018

Tom photographed by a fan in LA wearing what appears to be Z’s leather jacket. -> IRRELEVANT.

January 11, 2018

Dom blogs Tom is in LA for voice recordings. -> IRRELEVANT.

January 12, 2018

Dom blogs Tom is in LA for Spies in Disguise.  Tom departs LAX for AZ for the ACE Comic Con. -> IRRELEVANT.

January 13, 2018

Tom at ACE Comic Con.  When asked if he would do a musical with Z, he replied, 110%.  She’s great.  She can sing way better than I can, but I’d give it a try. -> IRRELEVANT.

Z followed and then immediately unfollowed a Tom Holland Instagram fan account. -> IRRELEVANT. Everyone goes down a rabbit hole on social media sometime and accidentally follows someone.

January 14, 2018

Tom arrived in LA. -> IRRELEVANT.

January 18, 2018

Tom returns to London. -> IRRELEVANT.

January 19, 2018

Tom retweets Z’s tweet:  "First of all", “bottom line” and “end of story” are all phrases you should avoid when arguing with me cause that means war. -> IRRELEVANT.

January 25, 2018

On January 25, 2018,  Z’s interior designer posts a photo of Z’s coffee table with a copy of the November 9, 2016 edition of The Hollywood Reporter (THR) magazine on it.  This is the edition in which Tom and Z appear together.  THR’s annual Next Gen assessment of Hollywood’s best and brightest, 35 and under.-> IRRELEVANT.

February 15, 2018

Z spotted at Heathrow airport.

It appears Tom foregoes the BAFTA pre-dinner party that Haz attended to, dare I say, spend that time with his very very good “freind”, Z? -> ASSUMPTION.

February 16, 2018 – Tom and Z photographed together at Harrods and the Tower of London. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

February 17, 2018

Z and Tom attend Burberry fashion event together in London. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

February 18, 2018

Tom and Z photographed together with a fan in Kingston (Tom and his parents live in Kingston). -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

Z filled in for Sam (”Samdaya”) on Tom’s IG live story for the Brothers Trust drawing.  Z attempts a British accent, and Tom and Z exchanged smiles, laughter, and heart eyes during the live. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together. ”heart eyes” is an INTERPRETATION.

Z appears in first known photograph with the Hollands, including Nikki, Tom, Dom, Paddy, Harry, and Tessa. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together. Also, isn’t it the only picture out there?

Z and Tom attend the Vogue and Tiffany & Co BAFTA after party in London.  Both Tom and Z were styled by Law.  Tom was photographed with Z and Darnell while at the party. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

February 19, 2018

Both Tom and Z depart London and arrive in LA on what appears to be separate flights. -> ASSUMPTION/IRRELEVANT.

February 21, 2018

Tom spotted at a gym in Northridge, CA – the area in which Z lives. -> Tom is staying at Zendaya‘s place when in LA. If your friend stayed in town, would you host them as well or let them stay at a hotel?

February 22, 2018

Tom and Z spotted at In-N-Out Burger.  They were also photographed and filmed by the paparazzi while out for lunch and denied they’re a couple. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together. So much for “never denied” dating.

Damage control:  Tom in Z’s Snapchat story about the paps.  Z tweeted:  “When you realize you ain’t really got the juice cause paparazzi only find you when @TomHolland1996 is in town…” -> Knowing what “damage control” means for Zendaya is an ASSUMPTION.

Z and Tom reportedly spotted by a fan at The Grove. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

February 25, 2018

In Z’s stylist, Law’s IG story, he says “tuxedos for Tom.” -> IRRELEVANT.

February 26, 2018

Tom and Z spotted together at a fan’s workplace. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

March 1, 2018

Tom spotted at the gym in Northridge again.

Analysis:  Is Tom driving all the way from a hotel to Northridge to use a gym there?  Hotels have gyms.  Z lives in Northridge.  Conclusion:  He’s not staying in a hotel! -> It is known he was staying with Zendaya in LA which is what friends do. Doesn’t confirm they are dating.

March 3, 2018

Tom and Z photographed with a fan in Beverly Hills.  Another fan tweeted he spotted them on Rodeo Drive today.  Z, Tom, Darnell, and Law photographed by the paparazzi while shopping in Beverly Hills.  Tom and Z were also spotted having lunch together at a restaurant. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

March 4, 2018

Z and Tom sat next to one another at the Oscars and they left the venue together.  Both attended the Vanity Fair after party, left the Vanity Fair party together, and arrived together at the Governor’s Ball.  Law Roach styled both “him” and “her”. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

March 6, 2018

Tom and Z spotted together and photographed at Target. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

March 8, 2018

Z and Tom spotted together by fan in Beverly Hills. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

March 10, 2018

Tom departs LA for London. -> IRRELEVANT.

March 17, 2018

When asked on Twitter, “When is @Zendaya going to date someone publicly I’m ready for it,” Z replied, “Never”.  -> IRRELEVANT.

March 19, 2018

Law Roach, Z’s stylist, stated on an IG live story that he is Tom’s stylist as well. -> IRRELEVANT. Merely explains why they hang out so much.

March 25, 2018

Per Dom, Tom is on his way to LA. -> IRRELEVANT.

March 28, 2018

Tom sighting at a Chipotle in Northridge (Z’s neighborhood). -> It is known he was staying with Zendaya in LA.

March 29, 2018

Tom and Z spotted by several fans at Crossroads Kitchen, a vegan restaurant.  According to a fan, Tom photographed Z with the fan at the restaurant. 

Note:  Tom met Jake Gyllenhaal at Crossroads Kitchen. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

They were also spotted shopping together (shoes, comic books, etc.).  They were photographed posing together with a Spider-man statue outside the Golden Apple comic book store. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together. Also looks like a pap walk. Two actors from the Spiderman movies going out to buy comics and posing with a Spiderman statue. 🤡

It appears Tom was wearing Z’s t-shirt, and they were wearing matching shoes. -> ASSUMPTION.

March 30 - 31, 2018

Tom photographed by paparazzi leaving Z’s house with his luggage on March 30. -> Tom is staying with Zendaya while in LA.

Tom departs LA and arrives in London. -> IRRELEVANT.

April 19, 2018

Tom departs China for LA. Z spotted at a gym in her area.  We all know Z rarely, if ever, goes to the gym, and Tom has been spotted in the past at a gym near where Z lives. -> IRRELEVANT.

April 27-30, 2018

Tom and Z spotted together by fans at a theater in Northridge seeing Infinity War (IW) on April 27. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

Tom and Z attend City Year LA Spring Break: Destination Education at Sony Studios on April 28. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

Z and Tom spotted by employees at the In N Out Burger drive-thru in Northridge on April 28. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

Tom and Z spotted at a theater seeing IW again on April 29. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

Tom and Z photographed by a fan at Home Depot.  Note: Tom went to carpentry school. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

May 1, 2018

Tom photographed by the paparazzi leaving Zendaya’s house with his luggage, and was spotted by a fan at LAX. -> Instead of staying at a hotel, Tom stayed at Zendaya’s place again.

May 2, 2018

Tom in London.  Z attends College Signing Day event in Philadelphia. -> IRRELEVANT.

May 8, 2018

Tom posts a photo of Z at the Met Gala on his Instagram account. -> Co-workers/friends supporting one another.

June 1, 2018

Z wishes Tom a happy birthday on Instagram. -> Co-workers/friends supporting one another.

June 23, 2018

Jack, @tomdejaa, Instagram, asked Tom at the Seattle Comic Con if he was okay with Tomdaya shippers, and Tom said, it’s fine. -> What was he going to say? “Fuck off”?

Zendaya in London for Spider-man Far From Home

-> I could sum the entire weeks up as “co-workers-friends hanging out together because at the time, they were filming together. 🤡

June 24, 2018

Zendaya arrives in London. -> IRRELEVANT.

June 25, 2018

Tom returns to London from Comic Con in Seattle. -> IRRELEVANT.

July 11, 2018

The content drought is finally over.  Tom and Z were together today watching the soccer game.  It appears they may have had lunch together too. -> The drought” is over because they are literally working together. They have no choice but to spend time together.

July 14, 2018

Tom, Z, Jacob Batalon and Tony Revolori attend Lovebox 2018 in Gunnersbury Park, London. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

July 21, 2018

Tom and Zendaya were spotted together by fans.  According to one fan, they saw Incredibles 2 with cast members. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

July 29, 2018

Tom and Z sighting on the Tube in London along with Jacob and Tuwaine. They visited the Battersea Dogs & Cats Home in London.  Tom’s Mum and Dad visited as well.  Afterward, they dined at a nearby restaurant with Tom’s family. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

Tom is wearing a Daulton jersey.  Darren Daulton, nicknamed Dutch, was an American professional baseball player who played for the Philadelphia Phillies…

Note:  Tom’s nickname is Dutch.  He stated this in an interview with Z. 

@currentlyinterested asked me if I think Z got Tom the Phillies jersey when she went to Philadelphia for the College Signing Day event with Michelle Obama.  Yes! Yes, I do. -> All 3 are ASSUMPTIONS/INTERPRETATIONS.

August 3, 2018

Tom and Z along with Jacob, Tony, Remy, Darnell, and Zach bowled and played arcade games tonight at the Hollywood Bowl in Watford.  Z and Tom played air hockey together and sat next to one another. -> They sat next to one another :O - On a ”serious” note: co-workers/friends hanging out together.

Someone commented on an Instagram post of a fan photo with Tom that Tom and Z are at the cinema in Kingston all the time. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

August 4, 2018

Tom was with friends and family at the Shoreditch House tonight and Z tweeted:  When people don’t directly ask you to go somewhere you didn’t wanna go and they also know you didn’t wanna go, but you still feel a way.

Shoreditch House is a mostly private members’ club with a rooftop pool, restaurant, bar, and hotel. -> IRRELEVANT.

August 11, 2018

Tom and Z were spotted at the Secret Cinema in London along with FFH cast and Haz. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

August 13, 2018

Z and Tom were spotted with Tuwaine, Harry, and Haz at the cinema in Watford this evening. -> Co-worker/friends hanging out together.

August 19, 2018

Tom, Z, and Spidey cast spotted by fan in Hertfordshire. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

August 22, 2018

Tom was at Z’s hotel. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together. How do people know Zendaya’s hotel though? 👀

August 27, 2018

Z & Tom had dinner in St Albans with Z’s mom and Kamil.

Z & Tom sat together.  Z left the restaurant as the fan who saw them took a photo with Tom.

Tom was wearing an AllSaints t-shirt that looks exactly like the one Z was wearing last week.-> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

September 1, 2018

Z’s birthday

Tom posted this on Instagram:  “Me, myself and the birthday girl. Happy birthday mate - keep killing it and paving the way for the rest of us ♥️”  -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

Tom, Z’s fam, friends, and some Spidey cast and crew had a dinner party in the Silver Room at Annabel’s, a private Members’ Club, in London.  Tom has a membership to this club.-> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

Z posted a story showing the paparazzi following her vehicle after she left Annabel’s. -> They wanted to catch Zendaya leaving with Tom, which would make the “relationship“ more believable. They didn’t leave together.

September 2, 2018

Skai Jackson’s mom, @kiyacole, who follows and is followed by Law, responded to an anti on a post about Z’s “real-life boyfriend Tom Holland” on the justjared Instagram account:

@kiyacole:  “Yes.  It’s true.  They been on the low for a while.”

Law responded but later deleted:  “@kiyacole  Really?  And how would you know.”

And how would you know.”

-> THIS IS A BIGGGG ONE FOR TOMDAYA STANS. They believe it’s evidence and outs them as a couple. What it actually is? A person, who absolutely knows nothing but pretends she does for attention.

September 3, 2018

Claire, Z’s mom, posted on Instagram, “A Wise Woman Once Said Nothing!” and “#truth #butiwanttobepetty”.  Was this in reference to @kiyacole’s comment? -> ASSUMPTION. TO ME, it’s meant in a “Don’t talk when you don’t know anything.” way, not a ”You just outed my daughter’s relationship” way. But this can be interpreted anyway you want.

September 4, 2018

@kiyacole, Instagram, posted on her account that she had been hacked.  Commentators on the post called her out on it stating she had posted stories of herself around the time of the alleged hacking. -> She wasn’t hacked, she just stuck her nose into other people’s business. She said later on: ”I don’t know who is dating who nor do I care.” She didn‘t know though she cared enough to comment. She did it for attention.

Czech Republic

September 10, 2018

Tom & Z spotted on a flight to Prague.  Z photographed Tom with fans at the airport in Prague.  Z and Tom left the airport together. -> Co-workers/friends catching a flight together to the next filming location.

September 11, 2018

Tom and Z photographed separately with fans in Prague. -> Two actors spotted at a new filming location.

September 12, 2018

Tom & Z spotted together in Prague today getting into a taxi together. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together, traveling due to work together.

September 16, 2018

Z’s cousin, Whitney, liked several Tomdaya posts on Instagram. -> IRRELEVANT.

September 17 - 19, 2018

Z and Tom filmed night shoots on the Charles Bridge in Prague.  They shared a sweet moment hugging during a break. -> Co-workers/friends working together.

September 24 - 25, 2018

Tom and Z were photographed in a hotel in Prague.  Z was wearing the same dress she wore while filming with Tom on the Charles Bridge last week.

A fan spotted both Tom and Z alone at 1:00 a.m. on the 25th near the Prague castle where FFH was filming that night.  They were wearing their coats so they were not filming at the time the fan stopped them to get Tom’s autograph. -> Co-worker/friends working/hanging out together.

Venice

According to a longtime Italian fan who delivered gifts to their hotel, Tom and Z shared a room at Hotel Danieli where they were staying in Venice. -> A fan wouldn’t have that knowledge. Sharing a room, while working, is highly unprofessional. Hanging out in one room together/sharing a room - there is a difference.

September 26, 2018

Tom and Zendaya arrived together in Venice with Darnell in tow.  The rest of the cast took a separate flight and boat to this destination. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

September 27, 2018

Tom and Zendaya were spotted and photographed by the paparazzi and fans in Venice along with Martin Starr, Darnell, Jacob, and Tony.  Tom was wearing the Tomdaya flannel shirt today. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together. There is no such as a “Tomdaya” flannel shirt, it’s a shirt that both Tom and Zendaya were wearing. Does sharing clothes proof that you are dating? No.

September 29, 2018

Tom’s grandparents arrived at his hotel around 4 pm.

Several videos were posted by fans of Z sitting with Tom and his grandparents at a restaurant/bar at the hotel where they’re staying.

According to a fan, “So as far as I can tell from the two hours they spent in the hotel, they sat next to each other for a really short time. They even had two different tables. Z was at the table with Jacob and two other guys, while Tom was w/ his grandparents, Harry and another guy. While they were together, they didn’t do anything that could make you think they’re dating.“ -> Maybe, because they are not dating?

Z, Tom, and Jacob were photographed with a fan while at this restaurant/bar.

Z and Jacob departed the hotel via boat to an unknown destination.

Tom changed clothes and returned to the restaurant with his grandparents and Harry.

Tom and Harry departed from the hotel on another boat to an unknown destination.

Z posted two stories of herself sitting with Jacob at what appears to be a lounge.  One story was muted.  The other story included Remy.  Darnell posted a story at the same location one hour later which showed Tony and his family there.  Crew member, Danni, posted a story at the same location three hours later.  Harry was in Danni’s story.  Analysis:  Tom was also there. -> All of the above: Co-worker/friends hanging out together.

September 30, 2018

Tomdaya Fam Day

Tom and Z toured Murano, an island near Venice, with Tom’s grandparents and Harry. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together. Zendaya was tagging along as a friend.

Tom and Z were photographed with a fan at their hotel.  Both Z and Tom had obviously just showered. -> They are spotted together because they are staying in the same hotel. Implying that they showered together is clownery at this point.

That night, Tom, Z, Tom’s grandparents, and Harry depart the hotel via a boat. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

October 1, 2018

Tom and Z were spotted having dinner together by a fan’s mom. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

October 2, 2018

Tom and Z were photographed at a restaurant in Venice.  Martin Starr and Jacob were also there. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

October 3, 2018

Spider-man Far From Home wrapped filming in Venice.

Tom and Z were spotted at the Skyline Hilton (rooftop) Bar in Venice.

In a video taken of Tom and Z at the Dandolo Bar at the Danieli Hotel in Venice, it appears they are sitting next to one another in a settee. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

October 4, 2018

Zendaya spotted at Newark Liberty International Airport.  She later posted a story from her home in LA. -> IRRELEVANT.

October 5, 2018

Z confirmed she is in LA for a couple days and will soon be in NY. -> IRRELEVANT.

Tom was spotted by several fans en route from Atlanta to La Guardia. -> IRRELEVANT.

New York

Z and Tom at a restaurant in Brooklyn, NY (exact date unknown). -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

October 6, 2018

Z and Noon departed for NY, and were spotted at JFK. -> IRRELEVANT.

October 9-10, 2018

Tom was spotted on another flight from Atlanta to New York. -> IRRELEVANT.

October 12, 2018

Tom and Z filmed Spideychelle scenes in NYC.  Their chemistry was insane even with Tom in full Spider-man costume.

Z and Tom were filmed sparring together and were also spotted hugging in between scenes on set.  This was in preparation for a scene. -> Them having „insane“ chemistry is an INTERPRETATION.

After they wrapped for the day, Tom waited in his vehicle while Z greeted fans and then departed the set after Z had left in her vehicle. -> This is what a fan said and making it look like Tom waited for Zendaya is an INTERPRETATION.

An accounting of one fan, @parkerxdaya, Twitter, who was on set that day:

There are a lot of pictures of Zendaya smiling while filming the scene with Tom as Spider-man. I hope you all know that if she is smiling in the picture, that is ZENDAYA not MJ. MJ is frightened during the scene, then a little uncomfortable, then concerned. Her expressions during the scene were serious. But in between takes, her and Tom laughed, joked around, danced, made fun of us, waved to other fans, talked to Jon, Harry etc. It was very windy, so yes Tom helped fix her hair at points. It became a problem during the scene because her hair would cover her face. They would cut, laugh about it, and would go again. However, that video of them play fighting and running in place, then hugging, was just them tiring themselves out and picking up where they left off from the other scene. That does not take away from the fact that it was super cute. Zendaya looked so genuinely happy, and it made ME happy to see her so happy. I couldn’t see Tom’s face with the mask on, but I just know he had a dorky smile on his face the whole time. They both were so comfortable with each other. -> INTERPRETATION.

October 13 and 14, 2018

Tom and Z filmed on a closed set.  Leaked videos from the set on the 14th revealed an additional Spidey and MJ scene that was filmed outdoors in front of a blue screen. -> IRRELEVANT.

October 15, 2018

Z and Tom were photographed with young fans during a break while filming at the Newark NJ airport. -> Co-workers working together. 🤡

October 16, 2018

Remy, Jacob, Zach, and Tony have all wrapped.  It’s Tom’s last day filming.  Z is still in NY.

Tom posted a pic of himself with Z as Spider-man and MJ on Instagram when he wrapped filming Spider-man Far From Home in NY.  -> WORK RELATED.

October 18, 2018

Tom appeared on the Jimmy Kimmel Brooklyn show. -> IRRELEVANT.

October 19, 2018

Tom and Z were spotted together at the play American Son on Broadway. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

October 20, 2018

Tom and Z photographed sitting together at Peaches Restaurant in Brooklyn.  Z and Tom spotted and photographed shopping in SoHo.  They were also photographed outdoors in SoHo with Noon and company. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

October 22, 2018

Z was spotted by fans in NY. -> IRRELEVANT.

October 23, 2018

Z’s Instagram story:  “Always working…”  She appears to be doing a photoshoot.  No sign of Tom. -> IRRELEVANT.

October 26, 2018

Tom posted on Instagram:  “Went to do some work on chaos walking with @dougliman.” -> IRRELEVANT.

October 28, 2018

Z spotted at JFK and LAX. -> IRRELEVANT.

October 29, 2018

Tom spotted in London. -> IRRELEVANT.

November 12 - 19, 2018

On November 12 and 13, Tom participated in the Cooking with the Avengers event at the Russo brothers’ restaurant and bar.

Tom and Z were spotted having dinner. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

Tom was on the set of Euphoria visiting Z. -> Co-workers/friends supporting one another.

On November 17, Tom and Z were spotted at the Arclight theater at the Sherman Oaks Galleria mall near Northridge. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together if truly happened.

On November 19, Tom was spotted in Beverly Hills. -> IRRELEVANT.

November 24, 2018

Tom at Z’s after Thanksgiving party. -> Co-workers/friends hanging out together.

November 25, 2018

Tom returned to London.

Tom and Zendaya obviously spend a lot of time together but there is not even a little bit of „evidence“ that they are dating. People who see chemistry between them, who get couple vibes from them or are convinced they are dating? It’s their perception, their interpretation of events but absolutely nothing in this timeline “exposes“ them as a couple. They are spending time together because Spiderman 2 is in pre-production and then the filming process has started. Would they spend AS much time together if it wasn’t for work? I personally doubt it.

TO ME, they are definitely friends. They do PLAY IT UP for promotional purposes though. This is how Hollywood works.

What doesn‘t confirm a relationship:

- spending time together

- sharing clothes

- staying over at someone‘s house

(And that’s basically all we get from Tom and Zendaya. Plus, them denying dating rumors.)

[lokiondisneyplus]

The director Christiana Ebohon-Green (EastEnders, Call the Midwife, Soon Gone: A Windrush Chronicle) and the actor Wunmi Mosaku, 33, (Luther, End of the F**king World and Misha Green’s upcoming HBO/Sky Atlantic drama series, Lovecraft Country) have met before. In fact, they have worked together, on Ebohon-Green’s Bafta-longlisted short, Some Sweet Oblivious Antidote. They both have fond memories of the sun-dappled shoot by the Thames, with a (mostly black) cast of actors. But not every experience on set has been so joyful. Amid some laughter, a few tears and many weary sighs, they swap horror stories of industry racism, discuss solidarity among black creatives, and the opportunities and risks involved in a move to the US.

CEG: I’ve worked on a lot of mainstream television drama, so I’ve often been the only [black person] on set. For me [having this wider conversation about racism] is a relief. Sometimes, you air issues and people are like: “Oh yeah, we know! We’ve solved that! Can you stop going on?” So I’ve been very careful about what I said and assumed people understood.

WM: I’ve always been quite scared about talking about race. You don’t wanna rock the boat because you want to keep working. That’s been a real revelation to me these last few weeks, that we all need to speak up! This is real, and you’re not crazy and you don’t have to just be grateful.

CEG: Often it’s just this feeling that it’s me going round in circles trying to fulfil these never-ending lists of expectations, that they wouldn’t ask of other people. Some years back, there was a big thing in the paper about: “We’re going to tackle diversity at the BBC.” So I wrote to them and said: ‘Well, what about those of us that are experienced, mid-career? I’ve been trying to progress and I’m just hitting brick walls.’ I then had all these painful meetings with people who sat me down and told me why I wasn’t ready, in their opinion, to do slightly bigger, long-running series. Then, later, somebody said to me: “Oh, I heard you were playing the race card” and I felt so offended and hurt. Like, what does that mean? I’m trying to get things I shouldn’t? Then, finally, it’s like: ‘Oh, no, you’re playing the race card, but you’re upset with me for calling you out on it.’

WM: I think, for me, just trying to be the “non-threatening black woman”, constantly being, like, super-bubbly! And relatable! It takes a lot of energy! The energy you have to put into playing into the system of white supremacy, so that you can be just given a chance … Like the other day, my friend said to me: “You’re just always so happy on set!” And I was like: “Oh my God! No, I’m fucking not!” Do you have period pains today? So do I! I just don’t feel like I have the freedom to have a sour face without it being seen as a bigger thing. The amount of time black people spend trying to placate, be accepted; if we could put that into our work, into our families, into our dreams …

CEG: Yeah, you spend a lot of time, early on, trying to figure out what they want us to be. I can’t figure out who that person is … Apart from a white male. And I can never be that.

WM: Ha ha! Right. If I were to [produce] a TV show or a film, I think that representation would be paramount. But it’s also about the opportunity for those people to become the heads of department. I’ve had someone in costumes say to me, right at the beginning of my career: “This outfit would work, if it wasn’t for your stupid thighs.” My thighs! That can press 200lbs! I feel like I have a very typical west African physique, and that is part of my blackness!

CEG: I’d like to see people just hiring, and for it not to be about schemes and training; assuming that people don’t have the experience, or are a risk. They need to know that diversity is going to strengthen the product. There isn’t going to be a black person doing something that just doesn’t feel realistic … Y’know, the black character in a world where they’ve got no black relatives or friends. I have these stories that I want to tell – about black women, incidentally – and it’s been really frustrating. At some point, I might follow you to America, Wunmi. There’s more work, I think, but aren’t you scared about the guns? I’m scared about the guns.

WM: Terrified of the guns! I honestly never wanted to come to America. It wasn’t part of my goal as an actor. It was because of my husband, who’s African American. But being here has completely opened my eyes to, first of all, what the African Americans have done globally. Like, if it wasn’t for WEB DuBois and their history of talking about Pan Africanism, maybe Nigeria wouldn’t have had independence. As much as I have been scared of guns and violence, and police brutality, I have grown in a way that I never would have [in the UK], because I was always trying to be nice and, like, not talk about racism … But it is scary. My husband went to the store yesterday and I heard sirens and helicopters and he didn’t come back for like a while and I was scared.

CEG: Here [racism] is much more undercover, but it’s definitely stopping creatives getting further. Over there, it seems there are more opportunities, but there’s more risk?

WM: Yeah, but there’s also more community. Misha Green has created this amazing show, Lovecraft Country, and her passion is showing the whole spectrum of blackness and celebrating it. That’s something that I really appreciate being here.

CEG: I think there is more of a community among black directors here [in the UK] than I’d realised. Somebody has created a WhatsApp group! There are a lot of people coming through, which is a good thing. It’s just, then, that competitiveness over jobs. Hopefully that will change when there are more opportunities.

WM: Well, the hierarchy of race … it’s so ingrained. It’s not just one costume designer, it’s the whole system. I had an executive tell me drunkenly that “colonialism wasn’t all that bad”. She managed to turn the conversation to gender inequality: in her opinion, the most important fight. That “Women are the niggers of the world” quote was brought up. She said: “It’s true! We are!” It’s exhausting. Even when you fight back, she’s still in power. She and others like her are still in control of the stories we tell about black lives.

CEG: My parents were from Nigeria as well. As a child I was fostered into a white family, miles away and I didn’t see my family except once every couple of weeks for an hour or so. That feeling of being an outsider has always stayed. In the industry, I’ve been judged by a lot of white, middle-class men. They don’t know anything about you, but suddenly, you’re excluded. I just feel like, this time, I’m not gonna be silenced by: “You’ve got a chip on your shoulder”, or: “You’re playing the race card”. No. That’s served you all well over many years … Sorry, I’m getting a bit emotional, but just … people’s whole lives have been limited! You know, you can get killed on the street!

WM: It’s true. It’s traumatising living it and seeing it. It’s traumatising talking about it. It’s so much and then [advocating for change] falls on our shoulders? It’s too much. Like, we feel it. Globally, we feel it.

CEG: After university, I thought I’m gonna go into a career that’s just joy – no politics and difficult stuff – and, stupidly, I kind of thought that this would be it

[baekchelor]

𝕕𝕒𝕪𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕕𝕖𝕔𝕖𝕡𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟

pairings: George Mackay x reader genre: romantic comedy rating: pg13 synopsis: on the set of his new film, golden boy George Mackay learns a basic human truth: that the heart is deceitful above all things.

❝i  love  you  i’ve  never  loved  anyone  else, never  will.❞                                                                                                                  —linda  nightingale

                                                                                               EPILOGUE ◄ ᴘʀᴇᴠ

The night of the Academy Awards, George can't take his eyes off of Y/N. Truthfully, on a daily basis, George finds it hard not to stare at his girlfriend's pretty face. But this particular night of February, it is even harder.

She looks Gorgeous. Now that George [shamefully] admitted to himself he enjoys —to no say like— Taylor Swift's music, he can tell Y/N that Taylor must have written that song about her, not Joe Alwyn. He is a friend of George. They are close, and he is nice, but no way in hell, he is more gorgeous than Y/N.

As they walk through the red carpet, a cheeky smirk on his face, George sing-songs to Y/N's ear, "You're so gorgeous". When Y/N chuckles and briefly looks back at him, George continues, "I can't say anything to your face. 'Cause look at your face."

He remembers back when he decided on the nickname, not only he chose it because Y/N is drop-dead gorgeous, but because she made him so happy, it turns back to sad and there's nothing George hates more than what he can't have.

George laughs, wholeheartedly. He loves this girl more than life itself, and he is confident the internet is already flooding with pictures of him looking at Y/N Y/L/N with stars in his eyes. In fact, he can even imagine the headlines Dean will show him about it.

As Y/N tries to hurry away to give E!News an interview, George manages to grab her hand and pull her towards him. He kisses the back of her head, "Love you."

With a vast, crimson streak across her cheeks, YN playfully smacks George in the tummy, "Stop it you."

This time, Y/N turns around completely. She doesn't respond with another love confession or a mundane me too. It is explicit. It is in the aura around them, and it is in her eyes, and in her smile, "Forever."

She doesn't need to stand on her tiptoes, she's wearing heels, so she's at the perfect height to sweetly peck his cheek. The fans looking from the stands go nuts, squealing and shouting euphorically.

Y/N strokes a thin thread of hair away from his forehead. "Thanks," he smiles, and the crowd woos again. George still wears his hair long. Months ago, he wrapped up filming for the movie that requested him to let it grow —he portrayed a self-thought unconventional young doctor who lives in Namibia—. Howbeit, Y/N loves how he looks with long hair, and George loves how she twirls her fingers around the golden locks. So as long as he finds it bearable, he will keep the Bodevan Cash look.

"They're louder than usual tonight," he jokes, following Alma and Vanessa to the spot where they're meant to get interviewed.

"Wonder why," sarcastically, Y/N muses. "Mr Oscar Nominee."

George leans closer to her ear, out of earshot for their managers and Ryan Seacrest, "I prefer London Boy if you please."

Y/N laughs, but she isn't able to joke further because Alma announces they're up next. As they expected, the first question is how they feel about Dharma running for Best Motion Picture. The following is meant for George and concerns his nomination for Best Supporting Actor. Although Dharma is a contestant in seven other categories, George and Dev Patel are the only actors among the cast, whose performance were acknowledged by The Academy.

To say the least, he is the favourite on his category. Even Ryan Seacrest seems to think so, he didn't even try to hide his favouritism. "No reason to be nervous," he says, cheering George on.

If George answers with the truth, he would seem a haughty ass, so he just laughs Ryan's comment off. But George isn't nervous indeed. He is beyond honoured, of course, and when he heard his name as one of the nominees, he went nuts. Y/N went nuts. Daisy and his parents, even Alma, shed tears when George screamed the news via FaceTime.

The thing is, he had a month to think it through. Yes, it would be a lie to say he doesn't want to take an Oscar home, but if he doesn't manage, he couldn't care less. George is not an arrogant-ass, he believes Dharma has already given him the best thing in his life. And that is Y/N. Not an award. None award on his home would compare to wake up next to her (George did win a BAFTA, a Golden Globe, a Critics Choice Award and a Cannes Film Festival Award.) She is the award at home. They moved together into a flat in Notting Hill, and there's no bigger prize than brewing coffee every morning and snuggle until both really, really, really have to go. And that is what he tells Ryan Seacrest, "I won't get luckier than this."

George smiles, gazing affectionately at the point where his and Y/N's hands intertwine. They're at the designated seats inside the theatre, they've been inside for forty minutes already, and George still can't believe he got this lucky. Hell, he even offered his dad to buy a Lotto ticket for him. That much lucky George feels. He might even be Irish. Not because he is an Academy Award nominee, and won every fucking statue during the Awards Season. It is because he won Y/N over Luke Hemmings, Dev Patel and Henry Cavill, and she is his, and he is hers.

Every girl George has been with, once the light of reality bathed over them, shifted in form and emotion. Saoirse, Doone, Daisy... the better George got to know them, the most he realised they were perfect for each other on paper, but in real life, they couldn't be further from that. In turn, Y/N painted it all golden. She taught George love is not in the colours he encountered. Love isn't red —you are in love, but don't want to be in love. You don't want to deal with it—, like with Daisy. Neither is black and white —sometimes you treat each other great. Then there are other times when you just fuck each other's lives entirely up. No in-between—, like with Doone.

Y/N showed him love is gold, warm, like daylight.

"Hey, lover," Y/N calls his attention. He loves the nickname, it is his ultimate favourite. A month into their relationship, George learned the origin of Y/N's nicknames for him did reside in Taylor Swift's songs. And Y/N confessed it never got through her head that George called her Gorgeous to subtly let her know he discovered London Boy and Heartbreak Prince were love songs. George chuckled at her naivety, and Y/N burst out laughing when the boy admitted to howling the songs on a bender. Several times. Nowadays she calls him Lover, he calls her as well, and last January, they did leave the Christmas lights. "It's time."

George lets out a breath, "Here we go."

On cue, instrumental music begins, and Sandra Bullock emerges on stage. The first thing that comes out of her mouth is a joke, and it helps George with the jitters starting to creep under his skin. "Timmy, dude, you won this award last year, you know. Wouldn't it be nice to let someone else have a chance? I mean, how much is enough? Think about it." Then she turns a bit more serious, praising the performances of the five nominees in the category, Timotheé included, before she introduces a clip of their astounding acting.

George shakes his head, half in amusement, half in disbelief when his face appears on the screen. The chosen scene to show the audience a glimpse of his performance reveals a blind James reuniting with Marina, the Mumbai Gate behind them. If the Academy knew what went through his mind while they filmed the scene, they would've never selected him. He feels like a cheater. The only bit of acting during James and Marina's reunion was the fact that James was blind. Nothing else. He loved the girl to whom he read the script, as much as James loved Marina, if not more. George wasn't acting. At all.

Y/N squeezes his hand, fingers laced, as she beams at him with love and pride. George is forced to break eye contact when Sandra Bullock speaks again, "Here are the nominees for performance by an actor in a supporting role." Sandra allows a brief pause, then resumes, "Don Johnson. Shall We?" The crowd applause. "Ethan Hawke. Blue." Another big acclaim. "Eddie Redmayne. Amaranth." Applause. "George Mackay. Dharma." The attendants burst into a fit of claps, as the camera broadcasts George's face. He is smiling, clapping as well, and he realises the jitters have entirely taken over. He is nervous. Fucking Nervous. The only way out is to trace his eyes in the direction of Y/N, George knows a mere glance from her has the same effect than a cup of Chamomile tea.

To George's relief, the camera stops paying attention to him as soon as Sandra Bullock mentions the last contestant, "Timotheé Chalamet. Because of the Flowers."

George tightens the hold of his fingers around his girlfriend's palm, he knows what will happen once the cheers for Timotheé dry down, and he doesn't feel ready. Daisy and his parents are peering at him, he can't see them, he doesn't even know where they're seated. Still, George can feel their gazes over him, and he can tell they're smiling, proud of his achievement.

Greta Gerwig has turned around on her seat to take a look at George. She gives him a quick thumbs-up, and she and her husband, Noah, share a cheerful mien. George winks her way. The next category Greta is up to is Best Director, and George really wishes she goes home with two Academy Awards tonight. She already got an Oscar for Best Screenplay, and both George and Y/N hugged her tight, exultant.

Sandra finally pronounces the coming five little words:

"And the Oscar goes to..." A knowing grin curves her features when she practically screams, "George Mackay!"

The Dolby Theatre erupts in cheers, some attendants even rise from their seats to give George a standing ovation. Before he rushes on stage, he leans towards Y/N and kisses her. The kiss is quick, not enough for George. Although she's resumed the clapping and stares at with so much joy, and contentment around her irises, George kisses her again.

The touch of their fingertips linger, he grabs her hand and pulls her up with him, to hug her tight. In the mids of all, Y/N whispers, "I love you." And without halting her applauses, she beams, "You deserve this, London Boy."

George lingers on his foot, the look in their eyes speaking for them. Y/N points at him, all flushed, and tells him he's got chapstick on his cheek. George laughs and lets Y/N wipe it off. She has tears in her eyes, she's still clapping, and George really wishes he could kiss her ten times more. Scratch that, make that twenty.

George walks to the stage. The path is short, but he fist-bumps Greta and points at Dev Patel and Michael Fassbender before hurrying up the short stairs to where Sandra is, waiting to hand her the Oscar. A motherfucking Oscar.

George gives her a kiss on the cheek, a quick hug, and receives the statue with a broad, crooked smile on his face. Baffled, he stares at it. Never in a lifetime, George thought his hands would carry the weight of an Oscar. Actually, it isn't as heavy as he imagined, its weight is due to its meaning. George dreamed about it, many times —Which actor doesn't?—, but never ponder he genuinely stood a chance. Y/N talked him into attending Vanity Fair's after-party, after all, and George is unsure if it ended up being a good idea or not. He does feel like celebrating, no point in denying it, but George also feels like kissing her all over the face and taking off her dress.

George's carefully written and memorised speech dies on his throat when he stands before the microphone, "I-I... Oh my god. Uh..." He just won an Oscar. He is an Academy Award Winner. Holy shit. "My parents are here somewhere. I love you. My sister, Daisy, thank you for everything." His trail of words is interrupted by another wave of applause. He smiles, "I'm so appreciative to Greta, to anyone who's had a hand in getting me here. To The Academy. To the crew and cast of Dharma, I could never be here without you."

George holds the statue up, in the course of Y/N. Her flooded eyes are fixed on him, and she's biting her pink lips in an effort to hold her tears prisoner. "Y/N Y/L/N", he says, voice shaky at the end of her name. He falters a minute. His throat has run dry, his legs have turn shaky, his palms are sweating..."To me, it seems a miracle that you exist...touch you, be with you —so much, that I'm terrified of losing you." George is no fool, he can see Y/N is trying hard not to burst into tears. She has her lower lip tightly hidden below her teeth, her breathing has turned heavy and slow, and George knows he understands what he means. He was so afraid of losing her, that they spent months apart due to it. Tonight, he wants her to know that he won't be afraid anymore, that he trusts in them, in their love. George is confident they are endgame, that one day she will wear a bright diamond around her pretty little finger. No paper rings. "But hear me out, love, even if we lived in different worlds, I'll find a way to you," It is Dharma main plot, an everlasting love that finds each other every time. What better way to honour the film that gifted him an Oscar and the best thing in his life, than to use it as a metaphor. "I will always be James, you will always be Marina, and we will always be in love."

A/N: Hello, hello! This is the final version of the Epilogue. I’m so so so hyped you like this story. Never in a million dreams did I imagined this would have the response that it did. I’m truly pumped that you have had fun while reading this and like the characters so much. Hope you like this ending better than the last haha 😛😛 And stay tuned because next week I will present all of you ASHORE, the Bo Cash fic. 

[heyyyharry]

My Girl Series: Chapter 4 - Thumper The Rabbit 

…in which Harry tries to mend the past, but Y/N wants to let it go.

Series description: Y/N falls in love with the older boy next door who doesn’t feel the same, years later they meet again at a funeral.

AU: actor!harry, older!harry, younger!y/n; (4-year age gap)

Chapter 3: His Muse - Y/N is finally happy again, but Harry realizes it’s not because of him.

Omg, this is probably the best chapter I’ve ever written in my life. Just ignore all the mistakes you see because I haven’t edited this, but I’m so proud. After this chapter, you’ll see why this Harry is the most difficult character development I’ve ever written.

wattpad link

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"We need to talk. Now."

"Now?"

"Now."

"I don't think so."

Harry and Isaac both turned to Y/N, who had both hands on her hips and an eyebrow raised at the two of them. She had no idea what was going on, but she refused to be excluded from whatever those men had going on between them. Without a second look at her date, the girl took Harry's wrist, and it was the first time in six years Harry had seen her fuming with rage.

"We need to talk," she told him. "Excuse us, Isaac."

"I'm gonna go...wait by the car," said the blond as he exchanged cautious looks with Harry and walked away to give the other two some privacy. Once Y/N was sure Isaac had walked far enough and couldn't hear them anymore, she turned back to the other guy. Harry wanted to comment something about her looking the same as the 9-year-old he used to know, but he thought that would only drive her angrier.

"What the fuck?" She scoffed, widening her eyes at him.

"Language, young lady."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Well, never mind then, Harry thought as he swallowed hard. "Why were you so rude to my date?"

"Because he's not just your date. He's my best friend." The man furrowed his eyebrows, pointing to Isaac, who was texting on his phone and wasn't paying attention to them.

"How the fuck could I know which one was your friend to stay away?!" The younger girl swung her arms in the air, and Harry knew she would only use that much body language when she was seriously pissed off. He then realized, though it was too late, that he should better shut up and just listen.

"I don't understand you, Harry..." Y/N stomped her feet, arms crossed just like her 9-year-old self would. Harry didn't know why he suddenly thought of that while she was scolding him now. "You should be happy for me because that's your best friend! At least now we both know my date is a nice person!"

Now that she'd pointed it out, Harry didn't understand himself either. Isaac was a nice guy, otherwise, they wouldn't have been friends, no, best friends, since their first year in university. He should be happy for Y/N, and Isaac too. Why was he mad? He had no reason to be mad, yet he couldn't help but feel that way, and no excuses his brain had made up could justify for all those emotions inside of him at this point.

"He's older than you," he blurted without thinking twice. As soon as he'd let out those few words he could guess her reaction immediately. Her eyes could pop out of their sockets if she continued to stare at him like that.

"So? I've fucked men older than you and Isaac."

Harry dropped his jaw but no sound escaped. He watched her catching her breath, and this time he had to think twice before he dared to ask, "have you slept with him?"

She took a short pause, which only lasted for two seconds, but those were the worst two seconds Harry had ever experienced.

"No," she said at last. Her voice was lower now. "But even if I had, you would still have no right to say anything about my decision. I'm not a kid anymore, Harry. Maybe in your eyes, I will always be a kid, but to the others, to him, I'm a grown woman who makes her own choices and mistakes." She looked at him in the eyes and took a deep breath. "And I will be with whoever I want as long as that person makes me happy. If you care about me, you should respect that."

Once she'd finished, another paused soon followed. She was looking at him, and he was staring at his feet. Harry knew she was right, yet the uneasy feeling in his chest was still there and he couldn't get it to go away, just like he couldn't convince her to cancel her date with the man who made her happy.

"I'm going now. See you some other time," she said and attempted to leave, and once again he told her to wait by holding back her hand.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, loud enough for her to hear. "L-Let me know when you get home okay?"

It wasn't a request. It was almost like him begging her.

Y/N pressed her lips into a forceful smile and nodded her head once. When she withdrew her hand from his and walked back to her date by his car, Harry felt hollow inside. The scene in front of him was familiar, he'd seen it before, and as he watched Isaac open the car door for Y/N to get into the passenger seat, he began digging up his dusty memories to recall that sunny afternoon. He had to watch a 9-year-old little girl walk away, and she also gave him that look of disappointment. And Harry had never hated himself more than that.

.

.

.

Y/N didn't own a lot of toys because her parents were always too busy to buy her new ones and most of the ones she'd got had been too dirty or broken. That was why on her ninth birthday, when she received a purple stuffed bunny from her grandmother as a gift, she treasured it so much. It became her new best friend, and she believed it brought her protection and good luck. So she could never fall asleep without the rabbit in her arms.

Harry came over one day and found the purple rabbit sitting on her bed, he picked it up but she didn't let him hold it because, "your hands are dirty, Mr. Rabbit doesn't like dirty hands."

"Mr. Rabbit?" Snorted the 13-year-old. "That's the lamest name ever!"

"I...I don't know what else to call him," she said with a pout.

Harry thought for a moment, tapping his forefinger on his lips, his eyebrows knitted together. All of a sudden, his eyes brightened up as he pointed to the ceiling and shouted out his brilliant idea.

"Let's call him Thumper. Get it? Because you're Bambi!"

"Who's Thumper?"

"The rabbit in Bambi. Gee, have you ever watched that film?" He rolled his eyes and his comment made her feel so dumb. She'd watched Bambi but she was too young to remember every character and details.

"You must've watched it a thousand times then," she said to Harry with a smile, but the boy assumed she was teasing him so he started blushing hard and denied having watched that film "a thousand times" because "only girls would do that."

"So?" He crossed his arms, smirking at her. "Thumper?"

The boy was very proud of himself for coming up with that name. And he got even smugger when Y/N said she loved it, and declared her purple stuffed rabbit's name was now Thumper.

.

.

.

Harry switched on the lights as he entered his living room. Usually, he would enjoy the comfortable silence after returning home from a long tiring day. Today, however, was different. The silence surrounding him was suffocating, it only left room for his thoughts to be more vocal. He thought about everything that had happened today, about Ruby, about Isaac, about Y/N, but mostly just Y/N.

His phone screen lit up with a new text message. He grabbed the device in less than a second, hoping it was his Bambi and that she was finally home after her date. And he was disappointed when he saw his manager's name instead.

⌲ Jeff: Get some rest. Big day tomorrow.

Big day?

Right. How could he forget?

The BAFTAs was tomorrow night. And he was nominated for Best Actor.

How could he forget?

Harry had been waiting for that night ever since they announced the nominations. Just two days ago, he was on the phone with his mum, ranting about him getting nominated for Best Actor. Ever since he was a young boy, he'd been dreaming of winning that award, and he’d had a whole speech prepared, because he was ready to step on stage and receive what he'd worked so hard for. But even if he went home empty-handed, he would still be so proud. However, ever since Y/N came back into his life, she'd taken up most of the space in his head, and he couldn't even remember something as big as a BAFTAs nomination.

The young actor quickly typed down two words and sent it back to his manager:

⌲ Thank you.

⌲ Jeff: I have bad news though.

⌲ Jeff: I know Ruby was supposed to walk the red carpet with you. But her assistant told me she wanted to walk with her fiancée.

⌲ Jeff: You know, for publicity.

⌲ Ok. Tell Ruby I wish her good luck.

⌲ Jeff: Sure thing. I believe both of you will win tmr.

Harry should be bothered by his manager bringing up his ex-lover and the fact that she was gonna attend the award in the arms of her future husband. However, Harry didn't feel the sadness he was supposed to feel. He didn't feel as hurt as the moment he saw that announcement. The only thing that had him on the edge of his seat was the fact that Isaac and Y/N were out on a date, and he didn't know where they were or what they could be doing now. He couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of his best friend and his...

The voice inside his head suddenly paused.

There was no appropriate word to fill in that blank space.

What was Y/N to him?

He honestly didn't know. He didn't see her as a sister, because he didn't feel that way about Gemma. She wasn't his girlfriend, obviously. She wasn't even his friend, because they had just returned to each other's life after six years apart.

What was Y/N to him?

He repeated the question to himself, and decided that she was just the childhood friend he cared too much about, too much to even think about something else.

Sighing, Harry untucked his shirt and rose from his seat, about to head to the shower, just in time a new text message arrived. This time, it was the one he'd been expecting.

⌲ Bambi: I just got home. Don't worry about me.

It was like a sigh of relief for him to know that their date had ended early. But to make sure, he had to ask:

⌲ Is Isaac still there?

⌲ Bambi: No, DAD. I'm home alone.

⌲ Dad is very proud :)

Harry was reluctant to type down another line, yet he couldn't keep second guessing.

⌲ How was your date?

⌲ Bambi: I'll tell you tomorrow.

⌲ Bambi: Are you free tomorrow night?

No. He had to attend the BAFTAs. Harry thought for a moment as he typed down 'I'm not :( Sorry', yet before he could press send, another text from her popped up on the screen.

⌲ Bambi: I'm having dinner with my dad and that woman.

Then came two more.

⌲ Bambi: I need you there. I can't do this alone.

⌲ Bambi: But if you're busy, I totally get it.

Harry had no idea why he could make a decision that fast. He didn't bother to ask what the dinner was for, where would it take place, how long would it last. He only knew she needed him.

Quickly, Harry deleted what he'd already typed down, and didn't even think twice as he sent:

⌲ I'm free.

⌲ What time?

⌲ I'll pick you up.

Bambi is typing...

The sound of doorbell pulled Harry's attention away from his device, back to reality. He wasn't expecting any guests this late at night, so there'd been a moment of hesitation before he walked to the door as the person outside rang the bell again. This time, a familiar voice spoke up, "It's me. Isaac."

Harry unlocked his front door and found his best friend standing outside, in the same clothes as before. So he guessed Isaac had driven straight to his place after dropping off Y/N. Without saying a word, Harry stepped aside for his friend to enter, and closed the door as the blond headed straight to the sofa.

They sat in the same spots they had that very morning. But their attitudes towards each other had changed tremendously. Isaac was the first one to speak.

"You wanted to talk. Let's talk."

"I think Y/N has told you quite a lot about how we know each other," Harry replied, leaning back against the sofa and tangled his hand in his own hair, staring down instead of at the man in front of him.

"Not really," said Isaac. "All she said about you was that you two used to be neighbors. So I can't understand why you reacted that way earlier, like a fucking child."

"Me? 'A fucking child'?" Harry scoffed. "You're the one dating a 20-year-old."

"So? Are you jealous?" Isaac's question got Harry tongue-tied. He just stared at his best friend with his lips parted, letting no sound escape. "In the last six years I've known you, you never once mentioned her to me. She was done waiting for you. You don't have the right to declare your ownership on Y/N because she's never been yours."

"Don't talk like you know everything about us."

"I think I do, Harold." Isaac nodded fast. "I've been your friend long enough to know how competitive you are. Even if you don't want her, you still want her to want you. And now that she's moved on, you cannot accept that because you're a fucking narcissist."

Harry chuckled wryly as he lifted his eyes to meet Isaac's. "You've known her for two days. I've known her since she was nine."

"Really? So you're just gonna pretend like the last six years didn't happen?"

Harry didn't say anything. A part of him had faced the fact that Isaac was right, and that he was a fucked up human being who no longer had control of his own words and actions anymore.

His best friend didn't wait for him to reply and just went on still, "You're like a brother to me. I care about you, a lot. So if you feel like you want to change for her, then just say the word and I will step aside for you to be with her." Then came the hardest question Harry had ever received. "Do you have feelings for Y/N?"

He was an actor, a skillful one, and he had plenty of awards to prove just that. He'd been born to pretend, to fake feelings, to act against his real emotions. He'd faced many challenging interviews and had always managed to lie his way out of them, yet now, when there were just him and Isaac, and it was just a simple yes-no question, he took a lifetime to ponder over it.

"No," he finally said, sounding so certain, yet he was anything but.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." No, he wasn't.

"Okay, then...Good night, H." Isaac said as he stood up. Harry said no other word, and just like that, he watched his best friend make his way back to the door.

.

.

.

On Friday that week, Harry had football practice. It was not just any ordinary football practice, because there would be a test that Friday, and the coach would pick out the team captain based on the performance of each player. Last year, Harry had been told he was too tiny to even compete for the captain armband, this year, however, he'd made the shortlist. The boy told himself to try his best to outperform all the other team members, and win that captain title for himself.

"Are you nervous?" Y/N asked Harry as she walked him to school that morning. On the days that she didn't have class the little girl would just walk with her neighbor to his school, then they would say goodbye and she would go home. But Y/N loved doing that because she got to spend more time with him. That morning, she was carrying Thumper in her arms.

"No, of course, I'm not nervous!" He boasted, but his heart was racing and his palms were sweating. Of course, he was nervous.

The little girl could see him through, yet she decided not to point it out because doing that would only discourage him. So as they arrived at his school, she handed him the rabbit with both hands.

"Here. Take Thumper with you."

"Why?" He looked at her in surprise. The last time he asked to touch it, she didn't even let him.

"I can't come with you, so keep Thumper by your side and imagine I'm there to cheer you on," she said.

That little girl's smile had given Harry more energy and confidence, and filled up his heart with happiness. Taking a deep breath, he took Thumper into his arms, then promised her that he would take good care of the stuffed animal and bring it back to her later with the captain armband.

But it wasn't that easy.

"Whose toy is this?" Max, the biggest kid in the football team said as he picked up Thumper from the locker room floor. It was not until then that Harry realized he'd dropped the rabbit when he was too busy looking for his towel.

The scary fat kid approached Harry and held up the stuffed animal by the neck as he asked, "is this yours, Styles?"

The smaller boy should've said yes. He should've protected Y/N's favorite toy, like his promise to her. However, for a 13-year-old, what people thought of him mattered more than what he thought of himself. So he ended up saying what he would later on regret.

"I don't know. I just saw it there on the floor."

The boys dissolved into laughter and started making assumptions about some 'gay kid' on their team who played with stuffed animals. Their mean words made Harry's blood boil, but there was just him against a bunch of bigger kids, he would've got beaten up so hard had he said a single word to defy them. With clenched fists and bottom lip bruised from him biting onto it, Harry watched Max shake Thumper and slam it down onto the dirty floor.

"Let's practice with this thing!" A kid suggested, and Harry watched them kick the rabbit away like a ball.

Harry walked home that day with his head hung low, and the captain band on his arm. Y/N had been waiting for his good news on her front porch. The second the little girl spotted her neighbor from afar, she rushed outside and started bouncing and cheering for him when she saw the armband. Soon she realized another thing.

"Where's Thumper?" The smile on Y/N's face slowly faded away when Harry told her the truth that some other kids had taken the rabbit and there was no way to get it back.

"You're lying, right?" She asked him with tears in her eyes, but he shook his head no, unable to look at her now. The next thing that happened was what Harry hadn't seen coming, she jumped forward and started hitting his chest while weeping uncontrollably.

"You promised to take care of him! Bring Thumper back to me! You're a liar!"

"I...I'll buy you another one."

"You can't! I want Thumper, get him back!"

"Stop being a brat!" Harry shouted and his loud voice got the girl to stop punching him immediately. She was much smaller than him, therefore, couldn't cause him much pain. But Harry was mad at himself and he didn't know what to do so he blamed it all on her trusting him with her stupid rabbit. At that moment, even himself knew it was wrong, but he was just a 13-year-old boy, he couldn't think bigger than that. Harry wished he'd stopped when he saw that frightened look on her face, yet he still went on.

"Grow up and forget about that dumb rabbit!"

Harry instantly regretted those words when Y/N looked at him in fear and immediately took a step back. Without saying another word, she turned and walked back to her house. The boy watched his little neighbor leave, and he wished he'd begged her not to go. She didn't even look at him once. He saw her mother open the front door and ask her why she was crying. But Y/N didn't say a word. She could've told her mother how mean Harry'd been to her after he'd lost her rabbit, but she chose to stay silent. And Harry had never hated himself more than that.

.

.

.

"Do you have feelings for Y/N?"

Harry kept replaying that one question inside his head. He'd said no. The voice in his head had also said no. Why was he still contemplating it? Quickly, he shook off those thoughts. Now sitting side by side with her in a restaurant, waiting for her father and future stepmother to show up, he had more important things to worry about.

Harry had seen Y/N in all states of emotions before. He'd seen her sad, nervous, happy, excited,...yet he couldn't remember the last time she was scared.

She had always been a strong girl. When he was fourteen, he caught a lizard in his backyard and tried to scare her with it, but ended up getting bit and she was just rolling on the grass and laughing at him. She wasn't afraid of the dark either, he would always cling onto her when there was a blackout. Scary movies? She loved them. In fact, he'd never seen any 13-year-old who watched scary movies for fun.

But now, she was scared. Y/N was scared of facing reality. She was scared of meeting that woman who had cruelly replaced her beloved mother and the man who had betrayed her all those years. She was scared of confrontation. She was scared that all of her old wounds might be opened again. She didn't have to tell him. He could see it in her eyes, and the way her hands which were hidden under the table, resting on her knees, were trembling.

He didn't say a word and just reached out to hold them tight. She turned to give him a smile. He hoped she knew he would always be there for her from now on.

Her father and his fiancée arrived fifteen minutes late, blaming the traffic for their tardiness. Harry hadn't seen that man since his wife's funeral, and of course, had never met the other woman. According to Y/N, she also hadn't seen her father in person since she'd moved to London, and just like Harry, this was her first time meeting her future stepmother.

The woman, whose name was Marcy, was the same age as Harry's sister Gemma, four years older than him. The beautiful blonde had been smiling ever since she arrived, her bubbly personality and great fashion sense seemed to be the complete opposite of Y/N's father, who was nearly fifty years old and owned a hardware store. Harry couldn't see how they could be a couple, but unfortunately, they were already engaged.

It started out quite awkward. The four of them named their orders and just sat there in utter silence. Harry took a few quick glances at Y/N, who hadn't made eye contact with her own father ever since he got there. The young man tried to read her facial expression, eventually, he gave up because she didn't show any kind of emotion.

"I'm so glad you agreed to meet us, Y/N," her father broke the silence at the table at last. "Harry, thank you for joining us."

"No problem, Mr. Y/L/N."

The silence once again took over and continued until the waiter brought out their food. This time, it was Marcy who attempted to start a conversation.

"Harry, I love your movies. I'm a very big fan."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Oh, please, call me Marcy. I'm old enough to be your older sister."

"Finally someone said it," Y/N mumbled under her breath. Harry wasn't sure if the other two had heard that, but he spotted a secret smile on her face, and couldn't help but smile along.

"So Y/N," Marcy said to the younger girl. "How's life?"

"Fine."

"Oh...You must be popular for being friends with the famous Harry Styles."

Harry and Y/N exchanged looks and tried hard not to burst into laughter. They didn't know why it was funny, they probably just had an equally bad sense of humor or they both found Marcy's poor attempt to be accepted hilarious. Whatever it was, Harry was glad he'd got to see Y/N smile.

The dinner only lasted for two hours, but it felt like two centuries for the two of them. As soon as they walked out of the restaurant and watched Y/N's father got into a taxi with his future wife, Y/N heaved a long sigh as if she was releasing all of her frustration from earlier.

"She seemed nice," Harry began as he walked her back to her flat, which was just a few blocks down the road. "Maybe you should give her a chance."

"Psst, she was just pretending. She's a husband-stealing witch. He's a shameless cheater. Wait, maybe they do belong together after all," she cried out, making him chuckle.

"If you hate them so much why did you agree to go?"

"After talking to you I thought I might give the other people in my past a chance...But I guess you're just an exception. I really couldn't stand the two of them." The girl scoffed as she crossed her arms and rolled her eyes in annoyance. She was too busy ranting about how much she hated Marcy to even notice the way he was staring at her. Harry secretly wished she could see how glad he was now that she'd fully accepted him back in her life.

"...and she's the same age as Gemma but now she's gonna be my step mum, that's fucking weird."

She'd just cursed again. Maybe he should really get used to it.

"Relax, kid. Age is just a number."

"What did you just say?" Y/N stopped walking and dropped her jaw, gawking at him. It took Harry a moment to realize how ironic he'd just sounded, so he just started grinning at her. "I can't believe that really came from you, Mr. You're-younger-than-me-so-you're-still-a-kid."

He didn't comment on what she'd just said, instead, he breathed out a slight laugh.

"What are you laughing at?" She glared at him as they resumed walking side by side.

"You look cute when you're mad."

"Cute? I don't wanna be cute." She shook her head fast. The pout on her face only made him laugh harder. "Stop laughing! You're a terrible person, Harry."

When she jumped onto his back and pretended to fight him, they were both drowning in laughter to realize they were being followed. It wasn't until Harry saw the camera flash that he turned around and saw a bunch of young girls with phones in their hands. Y/N freaked out and immediately jumped right behind the man so he could shield her from his intrusive fans.

"Hi...Harry..." Said one of the girls, who were too taken in by his presence to even move.

Harry was clearly shocked, yet he remained calm and walked towards the three girls, giving them a friendly grin.

"What are your names?" He asked.

"I'm Jessica."

"I'm Nadine."

"I'm Carey. We love you and your movies so much! Can we take a photo with you?"

"Sure." He nodded. "But would you mind deleting those pictures you just took of my friend and me?"

The three girls exchanged looks, and the one named Nadine asked Harry, "is this your girlfriend?"

"No, she's my friend. That's why I don't want her to get into trouble if people see the photos and think she's my girlfriend."

The fans seemed to understand so they handed their phones to Harry so he could delete the photos himself. Y/N was still amazed by her first experience with famous actor Harry and not the Harry she'd always known. So even after taking that group photo for those fans with Harry, she still couldn't believe what happening was real. She handed the phone back to one of the girls, and they apologized again for those sneaky photos.

Before saying goodbye, the black-haired one named Carey remembered something as she asked Harry, "why aren't you at the BAFTAs?"

"The BAFTAs?" Y/N widened her eyes at her older friend, who wasn't even looking at her.

The young actor didn't say a word, so Jessica jumped in, "you just won Best Actor!"

"Wow, I did?" Harry seemed calm, yet surprised, like he didn't even expect to win.

"Yes!!!" Nadine clapped her hands excitedly, bouncing up and down. "We were so disappointed when you didn't come on stage to accept it! But thank God we ran into you here!"

The girls walked away after saying goodbye to Harry and Y/N, and thanking them for the second time. Once left alone together again, Y/N immediately grabbed Harry by the arm and spun him around to face her. She was too appalled to even speak right away. It took her a second or two to release the proper words.

"You just won your first BAFTA."

"I did." He chuckled.

"But you weren't there to accept it."

"Yeah, but there's always next year," Harry said as he urged her to keep on walking, yet Y/N refused to follow and just stood there, looking extremely stunned.

"But it's your first BAFTA."

"I know, kid. You already said that." He couldn't help but laugh louder now that her mouth was kept open.

"Why did you agree to go with me? You should've been on stage to receive that award!"

"It's just an award." He smiled. He couldn't read her mind though he'd tried a hundred times or so. However, he hoped a part of her would believe that his words, this time, were entirely genuine. "I could get another one next year, but if I lose you again, I can't get you back."

"Why would you lose me?" She asked him after a long moment of silence. Her voice was soft, the softest it'd ever been. "It's just dinner."

"But you said you needed me. And I wanted to be there for you."

.

.

.

It'd been a week since the last time Y/N spoke to Harry. The 13-year-old boy kept telling himself he had his friends and he didn't need her. He held his pride, refusing to be the first to apologize, but every time he saw her on her front porch and tried to get her attention by walking back and forth in front of her house, she completely ignored him and just went back inside. He waited in the treehouse every day, but she didn't come anymore. For the first time in Harry's life, he'd finally learned what it was like to really miss someone.

Friday came, and so did his first football practice as the team captain. He arrived earlier that morning to get ready. Surprisingly, the big kid Max was also there.

Hiding behind his locker door, Harry saw Max put the purple stuffed bunny into his locker, and he felt the heavy weight lifted from his chest because at least now he knew the rabbit was still 'alive'.  The boy didn't know what had gotten into him at that very moment. For a second there, he thought of Y/N, and the look on her face when he shouted at her.

That was all it took for him to walk up to Max, and said aloud, "give me back the rabbit."

"Excuse me?"

The fat kid towered over Harry. Max was a whole head taller and twice bigger than him, and he could easily knock down the curly haired boy with one single punch. However, Harry didn't run.

He repeated, only louder this time, "I said, give me back the rabbit."

"Is it yours? Harry Faggot Styles? You're the gay kid who plays with girly toys."

"Yes, it's mine and I want it back," he asserted, looking at his enemy in the eyes like how he'd seen the heroes did in comic books. Max, of course, wasn't intimidated by Harry's attitude though he was a bit surprised the wimpy kid had actually got the nerves to talk to him that way.

He gave Harry a shrug and leaned one shoulder against his own locker. "I tossed it away already."

"Liar. I saw you put it in there."

"So? You can't have it back. Grow up, fag."

He pushed Harry's shoulder, causing the boy to stumble two steps backward. The next thing Harry did next was out of his imagination. He jumped onto Max, causing both of them to drop down onto the floor with him sitting on top of the bigger kid as he started throwing punches. Max screamed in pain, but he managed to flip them both over and have Harry pinned down beneath him. Now the smaller boy was the one to receive hard fists in the face. Harry didn't give up. If he walked home that day without Thumper he would lose Y/N forever. He would never give up. He kicked Max right in the crotch and while the fat boy was growling in pain, he managed to escape and crawled five feet away.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Max screamed at him, now astonished by what Harry was capable of.

With a black eye and bleeding nose, Harry struggled to rise from the floor and straightened his own clothes as he said to Max, "give me back the rabbit and..."

His brain told him not to say it, but his heart told him to go on. And he did.

"...and you can get the captain band."

"Are you joking?" Max scoffed, wiping the blood on the corner of his mouth as he sat up. "The coach would never allow that."

"I'll convince him. You have my word."

Max stared at Harry like the kid was insane. "You want to give up the captain band for a stupid toy rabbit?"

"The girl I love loves that rabbit," the smaller boy said after thinking for a couple seconds and catching his breath. "I'll do anything to get it back for her."

Max called Harry a 'pussy' and said it was gross to love a girl. Harry didn't understand what 'pussy' meant and why it was gross to love someone. Maybe Max just didn't know it because he didn't have someone like Bambi in his life, eventually, he would learn. The most important thing was, Harry got Thumper back, though he got a black eye as a bonus and lost the captain title to the big bully.

That Friday afternoon, he walked home with blood still on his shirt and his face beaten up. Of course, he'd got detention and his coach wanted to speak to his mother at the principal office on Monday. But he wasn't ashamed. He was proud. He held the rabbit in his hand like a trophy, and the moment he saw Y/N playing with her broken dolls in her front yard, he waved the stuffed animal in the air to grab her attention.

"Thumper!" Y/N screamed in joy and hopped towards Harry, nearly tripping on her own two feet. She hugged the rabbit despite how dirty it was, and was about to thank Harry when she saw what he looked like.

"What happened to you?" She gasped, reaching up to touch his black eye, but he swiftly pushed her hand away.

"I fell from a tree."

"You climbed a tree without me?"

The look on her face was priceless, and Harry swore he had to try very hard not to burst out laughing.

"Sorry."

"Does it hurt?"

"Not anymore." He gave her a shrug and a broken smile because his upper lip was bleeding. The girl looked at the rabbit, then at Harry again. The beam on her face soon turned into a frown when she realized something.

"How did you get Thumper back?" She questioned.

"It doesn't matter..." He sighed sadly. He could lie to her however he wanted, but he couldn't hide the fact that the band on his arm was missing.

"Did you trade your captain band for my rabbit?"

He didn't even get a chance to say no as the girl walked off without saying a word.

"Hey! Where are you going?"

"I'm gonna see your teacher to trade it back for you." Then with a pout, she mumbled, "I want you to be happy."

The boy hurriedly rushed to her side as he held onto her shoulders and looked at her in the eyes. Smiling, he said, "you're not mad at me anymore and we got Thumper back. I'm very happy!"

"Really?"

"Yeah. I can be captain again next year, but if I lose you now...I cannot find another Bambi."

With that answer, he made her grin like a Cheshire Cat again.

"Don't worry," she told him. "For me, you'll always be number one."

.

.

.

"Tea?"

"You drink tea before bed?" Harry asked as he watched Y/N walked to the kitchen after locking the door to her flat.

"Always," she said to him with a smile.

After a cup of tea, Harry followed Y/N into her bedroom, where they lied on her bed side by side and just stared at the ceiling. They used to lie on the grass and looked at the stars together, but you couldn't really do stargazing in the center of crowded London so right now they had to use their imagination and pretend the dirty old ceiling was a sky full of stars.

Harry turned his head to look at Y/N. She had her eyes closed and she was smiling. He wished he knew what she was thinking of. That was when he spotted a familiar object sitting on top of her closet, hidden in the shadow, an old, torn up purple stuffed bunny.

"Is that Thumper?" He asked, pointing at it.

Y/N finally opened her eyes and laughed once she saw the stuffed animal. "It's been so long since I heard that name."

"You used to love him so much."

"I grew up." Y/N snorted as she rolled over to face him. Harry didn't know why he felt heartbroken after hearing her say that. Maybe it wasn't just Thumper. She'd stopped loving a lot of things as she grew up, one of which was him.

Harry also rolled over to come face to face with the girl. Her hair was covering half of her face so he reached out to tuck those few strands behind her ear as they smiled at one another. They held each other's gaze for a little while, enjoying the silence in that small bedroom. It was then that Harry realized he hadn't felt that way in such a long time. He couldn't describe that feeling nor recall the last time he'd experienced it. He just knew it was like no others.

"You were gonna tell me about your date?" He suggested, making her smile.

"Right." She snorted. "It went so well until he dropped me off. I thought he was gonna kiss me, but then he just leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. Then he wished me a good night."

Harry could see a fraction of insecurity in the way she looked, therefore he knew that date with Isaac was still bothering her.

"Do you think..." She was reluctant to continue, yet she did eventually, "Do you think he likes me?"

"Yes, I know he likes you." Harry smiled. Those weren't exactly the words he wanted to say.

"Do you think he's too good for me?"

He shook his head, pressing his lips together as he exhaled. "What are you talking about? You're an amazing girl."

"Thank you," she mumbled, tired eyes looking into his. "For going to that dinner with me, and for choosing me over the BAFTAs."

"Don't thank me, I—" Harry couldn't even finish that sentence. The sound of Y/N's ringtone pierced right through his brain and got her sitting up in a blink of an eye.

"It's Isaac!" The girl exclaimed when she saw the caller ID. "I gotta take this!"

Harry propped up on his elbows to watch Y/N hop out of her bed and flee to the balcony to answer the call. He could see her from over here, through the glass door. She had one arm folded, the other holding the phone, and a huge smile displayed on her pretty face as she started to speak. It was the only moment that night he didn't wish he could read her mind.

She seemed overjoyed. And for the first time, her happiness made him sad. Harry switched his eyes to the purple bunny she'd left in the dark corner of the room, the one who'd protected her from her parents' fights and all of her bad dreams. Thumper used to be her number one, but as a grown woman Y/N didn't need him anymore.

Now sitting on top of her closet, Harry could finally see it through.

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Finished catching up with Eagles and that was one HELL of an ending.

First of all, they really made us think Klara’s dad was gonna live only to have him die anyway. Oof. I realised it was gonna go that way when he was telling her to leave with Elias but still.

I’m excited, in a weird way, for the aftermath of this. Sarah Gustafsson can ACT, as she’s demonstrated in these last few episodes of S2. What’s the Swedish equivalent of an Emmy or BAFTA? Give her one. She’s going to blow this storyline OUT OF THE WATER, just you watch her.

Also, can we talk about that scene with Klara and Elias in the hallway? Where she’s encouraging him to go for it with the NHL? I nearly cried over the sheer character development. It’s amazing how much she’s grown. Show me one other character in Eagles who’s had this level of development. Oh, wait, you can’t.

As for the clearly inferior characters on this show (I kid, I kid, I love them really, except for Jack who can go straight to hell):

I didn’t expect Ludde being arrested at all. Calling it now: Ludde goes to prison and it causes Felicia to have a proper drugs relapse and everything is miserable because when isn’t it on this show.

Speaking of which, THAT scene with Felicia calling him Ludvig? Got to me. I love the “everyone calls this character [nickname], but then someone really close to them calls them [real name] in a super emotional moment” trope. Eagles really does, in the words of a friend of mine, know how to hit me where it hurts.

Curious to know what Jack meant when he talked about Felicia having had an abortion. He implied it was a big deal she wanted to keep secret. Abortion isn’t really that scandalous these days, is it? (Especially in Scandinavia.) Felicia gives few enough fucks to be openly bisexual, so I can’t see her being that freaked out by people knowing she had an abortion. Though I guess there’s still a stigma around the teenage pregnancy part, so maybe it’s that. Or - was it Ludde’s? Because I can see her being worried about THAT getting out...

Felicia wearing her denim jacket again in the reconcilation with Ludde - just like when they first kissed - was a lovely touch.

Contrary to everyone in the Tumblr tags, I LOVE Amie/Ludde and my heart broke along with her when he said he just wanted to be friends. Poor Amie. I don’t have much to say on her storyline really but know that I still love the fuck out of her (even if Klara’s stolen my #1 fave spot for now) and Yandeh Sallah can also ACT.

Can’t wait for S3. We only have probably 9 months or so to wait... 😩

[evans-heaven]

My (spoiler free) Knives Out Review 🔪🔪🔪

No one asked for this but I’m doing it anyway cause I have way too much time on my hands lol. Please don’t take me seriously on this, I’m no professional film critic, just someone who loved this movie with every fiber of her being and wants to share why. This is all in good fun so kindly keep that in mind :) I’ll be giving my honest review of the movie itself and my opinion on some of the performances- which will remain completely unbiased.

Just kidding! Y’all know how I feel about Chris lol, he’s my fave so lbr, he was my favorite part of the film and no one comes close to him :)

That being said, let’s jump into this semi unbiased (also unedited cause I’m lazy) review!!

The actors:

Daniel Craig

I’m not too familiar with his past work outside of the Bond films so I went in pretty blind in terms of what to expect from him. Ngl, it took a lot outta me to get past that Foghorn Leghorn ass accent lol, but Benny definitely grew on me. Just the way he carried himself had me so enthralled in his character, and I commend Daniel for that. His performance was one of the stand outs. A favorite character of mine, hands down.

Ana De Armas

Honestly, its damn near impossible to leave the cinema without being blown away by this girl. I didn’t know much of her before this film, but I know for sure its gonna carry her places. Marta was brought to life by her in one of the most beautiful, yet heartbreaking ways. She played the role of a devoted, kind hearted nurse perfectly, and I can absolutely see why she’s receiving so much praise. 

Christopher Plummer

I’ll start off by saying, his chemistry with Ana was unmatched. And, to be honest, it had to be, for the depth of the relationship between Harlan and Marta to really be felt. *That* scene (those who have seen the film will know) had my heart pounding in my chest, the way it was executed by him was brilliant and nerve wracking and I’d be damned if I didn’t say it almost gave me a panic attack. I literally felt what Marta was feeling-Christopher’s performance was THAT real and THAT captivating. 

Toni Collette

Had. Me. Dying. She’s another actor who I think deserves way more praise. Joni’s energy during the entire film is just laughable, even if its just a small snippet of her doing yoga, or one of her (quotable af) one liners.

Jamie Lee Curtis

I’m pretty familiar with Jamie so I knew she would deliver-and she did, and I loved her character. I think she deserves way more praise than she’s getting tbh. Linda was a whole ass mood throughout the entire film. She cut no bullshit and didn’t take any from anyone. It was pretty clear she was hanging by a thread amidst all the drama. And with that dysfunctional ass family, who could blame her lmfao.

Chris Evans (aka the absolute light and love of my life)

Give him the Golden Globe the SAG Award the Critics Choice Award the BAFTA and the Academy Award or so help me God I will burn every single one of them to the fucking ground for not giving him what he deserves right fucking now. He stole every single scene he was in, regardless of whether or not he just sat there with a (sexy af) smirk on his face. Didn’t matter if he was having an asshole moment, or if he had to be subtle, sly and soft spoken, Chris delivered flawlessly. I’m so damn proud of him for this performance more than any other. Why? Because after years of playing ‘Merica’s sweetheart, he switched it up and turned the tables on Hollywood and the general public proving he’s more than Steve or Cap, and he has the range and ability to be someone the total opposite. Again, flawlessly. Ransom kept us on our toes and we know damn well he can keep us on our knees too lmfao. Chris’ chemistry is palpable with everyone he interacts with and that just drew me to him even more (yes, it was possible lol). Whether you love to hate him or hate to love him, Hugh Ransom Drysdale just became an icon, because he was played by another icon himself who deserves every last bit of love and praise he is getting for this film.

But we have to be honest for a second here, the REAL star and scene stealer of this movie was that damn white sweater. Don’t get me wrong, the blue one was cute too, but the white one, man.... 😭

Overall film

The plot, the performances, the shock factor, the writing, the PERFORMANCES, goddamn, Rian Johnson created a whole masterpiece, and the cast truly made this film one worth the praise its receiving. Every last detail, you can tell, was well thought out and planted perfectly. It places the audience right in the middle of the case. All while being a fun, entertaining flick, its also one that keeps you at the edge of your seat, and you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. I’d watch with caution, cause you may or may not be leaving with a severe case of whip lash from all the twists and turns the plot takes. But, we love them anyway. Its a 96% on Rotten Tomatoes well earned for everyone involved.

My rating: 10/10, 5 stars,100%. Best I’ve seen this year in film. And you bet your ass I’m going to put myself through that rollercoaster of emotions all over again😜

Again, keep in mind this is all in good fun so please don’t be in my notes trying to criticize or police me lol

[gogogolilqueenie]

You Are My Sunshine // Ben Hardy x Reader

Summary: The reader has a really bad day at work and Ben comforts her until she feels better. 

Warnings: FLUFFFF

A/N: Hello, so this is a little blurb that I have had in my head and decided to write it. It’s very short and kind of crappy I’m sorry, but I still hope that whoever reads this likes it! I just always imagine having a bad day and Ben being really sweet and like cuddling with you and telling you everything’s going to be okay :’) 

Your heavy feet trudged up the steep steps of the apartment you shared with your boyfriend, Ben. You fumbled in your coat pocket to find the keys, occasionally touching a gum wrapper or a coin. You finally found the keys and unlocked the door, slamming it shut behind you as you walked in. Leaning against the door, you closed your eyes taking in the distinct silence of the apartment. The only faint  sound that could be heard were the cars driving in the street below. You inhaled and exhaled deeply, feeling all the weight of the work day still on your shoulders. You had had an absolutely awful day and all you could think about all day was coming home, curling up in your bed and having a good cry. You could feel the tears already swelling in your eyes as you began walking towards your bedroom, removing your coat and throwing it on the ground in the living room. That was something to worry about later. 

You entered the bedroom and immediately flopped down on the comfy mattress, your face smushed into the fluffy pillows. Almost immediately, the tears started coming down. Your legs almost instinctively curled up to your chest as you began sobbing. The light sound of rain hitting the window calmed you down slightly, though you were still upset. You closed your eyes as you let the tears continue to fall as sleep took over. 

-

The sound of the door unlocking and opening woke you up from your small nap. You still laid in the bed, your body still curled up. You knew it was Ben coming home from running errands. He had to go get his suit fitted for the BAFTA’s, grab some groceries, and pick up the dry cleaning. 

“Babe?” Ben called out softly as he set the pile of groceries on the kitchen counter. His eyes found your coat thrown on the floor, making him a little worried. “(Y/N)?” He called out again. All you could muster was a loud groan in response. You heard his footsteps as he came closer to the bedroom. The door creaked open as he walked in and stood at the edge of the bed. 

“Hello, sleepyhead.” You felt the bed sink down as he sat down by your feet. You couldn't help the sniffle that escaped as he lightly touched your ankle. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Ben placed his hand on your back and began rubbing it lightly. At that, your mind replayed all the events that happened that day, causing you to get upset again. 

“I had the shittiest day of my life.” You mumbled into the pillow that was slightly damp from your tears. 

“Aw babe, come here.” Ben laid down in front of you, pulling you towards him. His hands continued to stoke your back as you sobbed into his chest. He slightly shushed you as you continued to soak his white t-shirt. “What happened?” 

“My boss was a fucking dick to me all day. It was like everything I did was wrong. And then some of the customers were being rude and yelling at me, saying I didn’t know how to do my job,” Ben rested his chin on your head as you continued ranting about the events of the day. “And then I spilled fucking coffee all over my shirt. My brand new shirt that I bought. God it was awful.” 

“I’m so sorry. Want me to go beat the shit out of your boss? Cause I fucking will.” Ben said making you laugh slightly. He smiled as he kissed the top of your head. Ben always knew how to make you feel better no matter what. The feeling of his arms around you always calmed you down and made you feel safe. Somedays, for no reason you would feel real sad and just want to lay around all day, and Ben didn’t care. He would just hold you in bed as you told him all your thoughts and feelings, taking them in and trying to make you feel better. Or the days where you were feeling really anxious, he would try and distract you to take your mind off of whatever was bothering you. And you did the same for him, if he was feeling down you would always cheer him up. You would run your fingers through his hair as he told you about his worries or feelings. You would cuddle on the couch and watch his favorite movie, not even bothering to change out of your pajamas. You both knew exactly how to cheer each other up or reassure your wandering minds. 

You nuzzled deeper into his chest, inhaling the scent of his cologne that you had longed to smell all day. “Well, you’re home now and I’m here and I’m going to take care of you, okay?” Ben said, his mouth still resting on your head causing his words to be slightly muffled. You nodded, taking your hand and wiping away a stray tear on your cheek. You looked up at him, his bright green eyes staring at yours. He smiled at you as he gave your forehead a kiss. 

“I love you so much.” You said, looking at this man that you were so unbelievably lucky to have. He really was the love of your life and you couldn't imagine a day without him. Realizing this made you emotional again, your eyes swelling up for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. 

“I love you more, (Y/N).” Ben leaned down and gave you a soft and loving kiss on your lips. You snuggled back into his chest, the stress of the day seemingly decreasing. 

“Ben,” You whispered, earning a hum in response. “Can you sing, please?” Ben cleared his throat, squeezing you a little tighter to him. Ben always hated singing, but you thought he had a beautiful voice. Though, he would sing for you because he knew you liked it so much. 

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,” You smiled to yourself and gave a small kiss to his chest. 

“You make me happy when skies are grey,” Your eyes grew heavy as you listened to the vibrations in his chest. 

“You’ll never know, (Y/N), how much I love you,” You both chuckled softly at the change of lyrics.

“Please don't take my sunshine away.” With that, you drifted off into sleep. 

[lifeascaty]

I went to a BAFTA screening and Q&A for A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood today and it was so beautiful. 

Like, full disclosure, my emotions are still all over the place and I almost cried on the metro while listening to the Hamilton soundtrack, but I fucking sobbed during the movie. 

It was so good and beautiful and powerful and I loved it. 

My friend and I are both international so Mr Rogers means nothing to us, but we both really enjoyed it. (& she teared up too so it’s not just my withdrawal making me cry.)

My manager was there too though and he and his wife thought it was slow to start and wasn’t their fave movie this year. So ymmv, but damn I thought it was so good!!!! 

[notorious-fiction]

Right Hand (A Whoever You Want To Read It Story) - Part One

 (read the intro here)

                             Part One: The Doom Of Her Love Life

The Doom of Her Love Life (damn, that sounded cool) started with a Christmas party, three bottles of wine and a heated debate.

       Oh, and a famous guy.

       The famous guy was kind of a big deal in the whole thing.

       She had recently broken up with the latest (and possibly last) love of her life – four weeks and counting, and damn, it had been a rollercoaster of emotions – and she wanted to die when she was dragged to her best friend’s stupid Christmas party.

       A small gathering – just a bunch of misfits who didn’t have a Family in LA or didn’t slash couldn’t fly our to be with their own on the Christian Holiday, all clumped up on Louise’s boyfriends bungalow on the outskirts of town.

       At least, that was what her best friend had described it as.

       The Real Deal?

       The “bungalow” was a three storey mansion in the heart of Malibu and the “bunch of misfits” were a collection of famous ass people who couldn’t spend Christmas time with their families because they were too busy shooting a movie or a TV show or promoting their latest multimillion product deal or recording a freakin’ record to leave the city.

       “Oh, babe! Hey everyone, this is my very best friend, Mrs. Top-Notch Writer! Just Top-Notch for the more intimate!” Louise, aka her lying bitch of a best friend was screaming on the top of her lungs, gathering everyone’s attention as she did so “She’s an up and coming journalist, soon to win a... Bafta?”

       “That’s for actors.” She whispered, cheeks getting tomato red as she practically felt people’s eyes analyzing her up and down.

       “Oh, nevermind.” Louise huffed “Let’s get you a drink and ooh, is that wine?”

            Her friend was a drunk sloppy fuck and half of her wanted to take care of her and the other half wanted to get drunker and sloppier.

          Sensing that the yell from the hall was already some sort of greeting, she passed by the guests with yellow smiles and awkward nods, being dragged by the hand towards the kitchen, a slight sense of fear taking over her when she watched her friend stumble with the bottle opener.

           “Waaait, let me help you with that, Lou.”

          The voice was deep and coming from someplace much higher behind her, and as she turned around she almost choked on her own saliva.

       There he was.

      The Famous Guy.

        With the dreamy eyes and the shiny as hell hair, right behind her, so close she could smell his expensive cologne and almost count the little stubble of beard on his chin.

             Of course. Just when she had spent the night before crying literally on her phone as she watched her ex Instagram Stories with Louise’s account (lame, af) she’d have a meet-cute with Mr. Fuck His Hair Was So Shiny and His Eyes Were So Multicolored So Kaleidoscope Eyes And Damn She Was Staring And Now He’d Think She Was A Weirdo.

            She knew she had to act cool, so she nodded and turned her head to the other side so abruptly she almost broke her neck.

(Very cool indeed.)

(Cool as a cucumber.)

(That was certainly NOT cool.)

       But she did have a ten year old niece who would murder puppies with her bare hands to be in the spot where she was right now, standing at a kitchen counter right beside him, who was struggling a bit to open the bottle of wine she (!) had brought, with his very own hands.

(Big hands, she might add.)

(Huge.)

       After he did manage to open it – gaining a squeal of joy from Louise – he turned to her with a boyish smile (dimples, holy fuck, he had dimples and they were so close she could poke them), “Are you Mrs. Top-Notch Writer, the up and coming journalist who will win a Bafta?”

       If Louise heard the jab at her she didn’t act like it, pouring three – very generous – glasses of wine as she hummed a song that seemed like a mix of Michael Bublé with MC Hammer.

       “Yup. One and only. You can call me Top-Notch”

       Taking a sip of her wine, she almost spit it all out when her friend clapped her hands and spoke excitedly “Oh, you guys have so much in common! You two just got dumped and screwed over by your exes! That’s so fun. Talk it out! Yeah. Group therapy style!”

       After that one, instead of sip, she decided to chug the whole glass down.

       And looking at him, she saw he did the same.

       Yet that glass didn’t seem like enough.

       Nope, after that reminder, they kinda had the same idea:

       Drink from the bottle.

--

       “But have you tried Tinder? Tinder is like... A crucial step after a break-up.”

       “I thought about it but I think everyone would assume I was an imposter, y’know.” Oh right. She had forgotten about the whole Worldwide Famous Face thing “Have you?”

       “Yup. Didn’t go anywhere though.” Taking a huge gulp of her wine, she shrugged “Something about meeting randos who may or may not be serial killers or organ traffickers sort of pulled me away from it.”

       “I’m not giving up though.” He said proudly, puffing his chest “I know she’s out there. Y’know. The One.”

       She scoffed, adding – hoping it wouldn’t offend him but kinda knowing it would “Do you believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny too? Or only soul mates tickle your fancy?”

       “Love is real.” He replied, seemed so certain it almost made her believe him “I’ve lived it once, twice, thrice and I’ll live it again.”

       Scrunching her eyebrows, she muttered “Is that a song?” to which he rolled his eyes dramatically, taking a large sip before stating “It’s a fact.”

       “Oh. You sweet summer child.” She tsked “you really don’t g-get it.” She hiccuped, pointing a finger at his face – at least she tought it was one finger, she was kinda seeing two “Love is an illusion. It’s fabricated. We think we love someone until we find someone better. Or they find someone better. And onto the next one it is. There’s no such thing as “love” in our generation. There’s using one another for our own interests or benefits until they no longer serve us or settling for anything if we’re done playing games. That’s liquid modernity, babe.”

       “That’s liquid modernity, babe.” He mimicked her with a huff.

        They’d been going at it for a while now.

         Talking about past relationships – her, with bitteness, him, with some sort of strange longing mixed with hopefulness –, experiences, sharing their own special view on the matter, whilst sitting on the kitchen floor, backs against the granite counter.

         “Y’know, he broke up with me on my birthday.” She added, quietly “He didn’t even remember it. And I thought he was the love of my life.” Those words rolled out of her tongue like they were made of lemon, so bitter she almost cringed “Some days I still do. Swear to you.”

        “He was an asshole.”  

       She was staring at him and he was staring at her and before she could think twice, they were kissing.

       It was sweet at first, innocent then, just two sad, half broken half mended people trying to make each other feel better with a touch of their lips.

       Then it grew hunger, her fingers grasping onto his shirt, her mouth opening up just the slightly to let him know she wanted more, his hands frantic, fingers tangling on the hair on the back of her head, soft lips against hers with sharp teeth biting on her lower lip, a sense of desire and wanton she hadn’t felt in a while starting to burn on her chest.

       She didn’t love him, but she could make love to him.

       He was the perfect distraction, all she could’ve asked for in a rebound: someone she felt attracted to, not a total stranger so it wouldn’t be as awkward, someone who needed her body as much as she needed his.

       It was perfect.

(He was perfect.)

(Perfect hair, perfect smile, perfect timing, perfect way to lightly run his fingers on the side of her body to give her goosebumps, perfect way to look at her with half lidded eyes that almost said he wanted some more, perfect bite on that perfect little lower lip that almost drove her mad.)

       “Let’s get out of here.”

Those five simple words were her salvation.

       And those five simple words were the beggining of The Doom of Her Love Life.

--

hi i’m alive please don’t hate me i hope you guys liked it! 

if you did don’t forget to click on the lil’ heart and leave me a message! oh and who do you have in mind when reading this?

G xxx

[gramilano]

Nureyev is an important new documentary about Rudolf Nureyev’s extraordinary life which will be shown in cinemas around the UK from 25 September.

BAFTA nominated directors Jacqui and David Morris have interviewed Nureyev’s colleagues from the dance world – Alla Osipenko, Ghislaine Thesmar, Dame Antoinette Sibley, Clement Crisp, Meredith Daneman – but sensibly don’t fill the screen with them sitting on sofas surrounded by ballet memorabilia, but illustrate their contributions with video clips and photos, enabling them to pack far more into the film’s already generous 1hr 50min running time. There is much to show because the filmmakers have unearthed 16 minutes of unseen video.

The documentary is divided into thematic blocks rather than being a simple chronology and these are interspersed with quotes, the first being from Napoleon, “Great people are meteors designed to burn so that the earth may be lighted,” and the film proceeds to show how greatly Nureyev illuminated the dance world.

There is an interesting archival recording of Yehudi Menuhin who says,

There is something in the background of any Russian, whether he be Jewish or a Tartar, which dramatizes a situation; it’s more potent, more intense. It probably comes from the fact that they have such an otherwise difficult life, as it’s always been for hundreds of years between snow and mud, and they are almost harnessed to the earth and the problems of life. It enables them when they are liberated on the stage to live life as they would have liked to have lived it, with all the abandon and the capacity for focusing, for dramatizing, for intensifying the emotion and the thought. It’s as if the sun were shining through a lens and you focus it on something and it started burning. The whole of life, the whole universe, focuses itself through the greatest Russians and they start burning, burning up the audience and burning up themselves.

These neatly connected quotes and thoughts pertinently explain Nureyev’s character, and is typical of the film’s sensitivity and understated reflections on the nature and career of this gigantic influencer. It has no sensationalism but is reflective and full of warmth.

Russell Maliphant has created scenes, sort of dance tableaux, which illustrate the mood of extracts from Nureyev’s memoirs, read by Siân Phillips, and other audio recollections and commentary – dancing in the snow, huddling among the Russian birch trees, folding sheets. Theatre composer Alex Baranowski — who wrote the score for Northern Ballet’s 1984 — has created a suggestive background for these scenes, indeed the whole film, and Lucia Lacarra and Marlon Dino are two of the dancers who appear.

The fascination with the West in the ‘50s drew young Russians to make homemade records of its evil pop music and to dance the jitterbug behind closed doors — including young ballet dancers. The film is outstanding at contextualising this and other periods of Nureyev’s life. While Russia didn’t have teenage dance moves or gigantic American fridges, it did have two powerful weapons at its disposal, the Kirov and the Bolshoi, and what better way to enhance Russian prestige around the world than by having these companies tour abroad.

The Kirov was in Paris in 1961. Alla Osipenko, one of Nureyev’s partners, says,

We were totally into the underground nightlife at the time and it was a real challenge to return unseen in the morning… Rudolf was a free spirit: “This is how I want my life to be and I will live it that way. I don’t want to live the way you order me to. I will walk my own path in life.”

Nureyev defected in Paris in 1961 on Osipenko’s 29th birthday. For this, she, and many others, paid a price.

I was not allowed to leave the country for 10 years. I knew how to block those things out, saying to myself, “It’s not vital to go to America.”

The film focuses on his relationship with Erik Bruhn — Sibley: “All my generation, us girls, were in love with Erik Bruhn.” — and that with Margot Fonteyn, who invited the young Nureyev to dance in a gala at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, on 2 November 1961. John Tooley, former director of the Royal Opera House has another slant on the story,

He wasn’t exactly invited over here – he arrived. He had written to Margot and said, I want to appear in your gala and I want to dance with you.

A Fonteyn quote:

Genius is another word for magic, and the whole point of magic is that it is inexplicable.

And ‘magic’ was the word used to describe the effect of their partnership on stage.

Fonteyn explains,

I believe that our partnership would not have been quite such a success if it hadn’t been for the difference in our ages, because what happened was that I’d go out on the stage thinking, who’s going to look at me with this young lion leaping ten feet high in the air and doing all those fantastic things. And then Rudolf had really this deep respect because I was this older, very famous, established ballerina. So it sort of charged the performance that we were both going out there inspired by the other one, and somehow it just worked.

Nureyev almost immediately rustled feathers at The Royal Ballet when he modified its production of Swan Lake after Fonteyn had agreed to do it his way. He justified his approach,

We became one body, one soul, we moved in one way, it was very complimentary, every arm movement, every head movement, there were no more cultural gaps or age difference, we were absorbed in characterisation. We became the part.

It was revolutionary and most of the audience loved it. One of the Covent Garden establishment said that Nureyev was like the Great War, wiping out a generation of male dancers on his arrival. The success of the Fonteyn/Nureyev partnership was unprecedented. Sibley says,

Footballers must have this all the time, this yelling and screaming, and it was unbelievable. It was out of all proportion to anything one had been accustomed to before.

Lucia Lacarra and Marlon Dino

A section of the documentary devoted to Nureyev’s often difficult character hears him describing his Tartar blood:

It runs faster somehow, it is always ready to boil, and yet it seems that we are more languid than the Russians, more sensuous — we are a curious mixture of tenderness and brutality.

English National Opera’s master carpenter, Ted Murphy, remembers some of the fights,

Over the years he’d have different people looking after him on stage and he used to kick them, punch them, slap them – I’ve seen all of that happening – but it was all to do about how his performance was really.

National Ballet School of Canada’s Betty Oliphant tells the story of her student who was playing a pageboy, excitedly telling her that Nureyev had spoken to him:

I said, “Oh that’s wonderful. Was he nice?” And he said, “Well, he told me to fuck off.”

Drawing by Jamie Wyeth

On love and relationships, the film documents the competitive love affair between Nureyev and Bruhn, which turned sour as Nureyev began to overshadow his former mentor. Pierre Lacotte recalls witnessing tremendous arguments between them.

As he told me one day — says Ghislaine Thesmar — you have to choose between giving your energy to love a human being or to love your art. You have to choose, you can’t have both… If you give yourself to art, nobody can take the place of art, it’s impossible. They can accompany you as long as they can stand it but then if you lose them you lose them, it’s not important.

When talk show host Michael Parkinson asked him if he had a sense of belonging anywhere, he replied simply, “Dance”.

Nureyev was open to newer forms of dance, different ways to move. He admired Martha Graham greatly, who remembered,

Rudolf came to see me backstage and just stood and looked at me and we didn’t talk about anything. Finally, it came out that he has an appetite for the new and he wants to experience everything to its fullest. He said, “I do not mind if I make a fool of myself.”

There is some previously unreleased amateur footage of him in some of the Graham works he performed. Other unseen clips of Nureyev in action show him rehearsing Nutcracker with Claude de Vulpian during his time as the Artistic Director of the Paris Opera Ballet.

The clubbing and cruising part of his life is coloured with moody archive footage of bathhouses and discos. Former New York City Ballet Principal Dancer, Heather Watts, was one of the first artists to join the fight against AIDS in the mid-1980s:

The year is ’82 and suddenly we start hearing about boys dying, just dying, and there’s real fear. The partying stopped, the fun stopped, and we started burying our friends. It was like a war.

  In 1987 when Nureyev was finally allowed to return to Russia to visit his dying mother, his face had started to look slightly gaunt. He had been diagnosed with HIV in 1984.

Margot Fonteyn died in 1981. He said,

It was very lucky for us to have those glorious years. She became a very, very great friend of mine. To me she is part of my family. That all what I have – only her.

His own death came less than two years later.

Ghislaine Thesmar:

I really think this man was exceptional. I don’t mean the Rudolf of photos, making faces or scandals and all these cheapy things, I mean the real man he was… I think he defended the world of ballet. He loved ballet like a child would love a god, it was beautiful to see that.

An emotional Antoinette Sibley chokes as she says,

He was a very special person, and I feel very proud to have been part of it.

  Nureyev, the film, will be launching in cinemas nationwide from 25 September 2018 with daily previews at Curzon Mayfair, London from 21 September.

  Preview: Nureyev the film is a glorious celebration of an exceptional life Nureyev is an important new documentary about Rudolf Nureyev’s extraordinary life which will be shown in cinemas around the UK from 25 September.

[ritebeforeyoureyes]

Confessions

This was a scheduled upload before I become exam free tomorrow until the summer semester! After tomorrow I should hopefully be updating as much as I can. Woooo! Also, I don’t really like the way this chapter is written again, sorry. It hasn’t been proof read because your girl has to study! (Sorry for the angst as well)

Masterlist – Plot: Tom and Zendaya talk. 

Confessions (Chapter Nineteen)

How did her life get to this point? - Zendaya stood in front of a mirror, brushing away at her tears sloppily. Her face was blotched from the silent stream of briny water that continued to fall from her eyes that were red and puffy.

Being in that dining room with Tom had forced all these emotions to the surface and she didn’t know how to handle them. He was usually the person who comforted her, made her acknowledge that there was a remnant of hope in her life and today, he was the furthest thing from that. His remark alongside the internal torment she was already feeling was enough for her to want to crawl into a hole and never resurface.

Right now, however, this bathroom would have to suffice. She ran the tap and tried to throw some water against her skin, but she was immediately halted as a hand touched her shoulder. It was a whisper of a touch, almost non-existent and she paused, her body hunched over the basin. She wasn’t sure if she was imagining it and, so she ignored it. But her doubts were all cleared once she heard him clear his throat.

“I’m not in the mood, Tom. Leave me alone.” Despite the tears being shed, Zendaya still managed to possess a finality in her voice. She refused to turn around, to look at him.

“Look, I’m sorry for-“

“Sorry for what, practically calling me a hoe in front of all our friends?” Zendaya scoffed, her sudden vulnerability being pushed away by her frustration. Tom had degraded her in front of so many people close to them, and it had hurt. She wanted her Tom back, the one who always made her feel better but frankly, she was too pissed off at this Tom. “Why did you think that was okay, huh?”

“I didn’t mean it-“

“So why say it, Tom?” Zendaya swivelled around, her face and the volume of her voice displaying her anger. He looked as good as ever and the sight made her heartbreak some more.

“Because I was mad, okay!” Tom’s voice was now matching hers in volume, his hands thrown upwards in exasperation. He was doing exactly what Laura and subsequently everybody else wanted him to do - talking. They were here now, he was going to have to let everything out in the open. “I was mad at you for the way things ended and the way they’ve been now. I hate not being there for you.” Zendaya understood that, she really did. She understood that their being away from each other from wasn’t an easy feat. However, what she failed to understand was how he could shut her out so quickly and then have the nerve to accuse her of being in any form of a relationship with Odell. “And then seeing you with him, at the basketball game and then on the red carpet, that was a real shocker-“ The bitter sarcasm was dripping from Tom’s voice. “That was classy on your part too, Z. Reading all those articles about your new boyfriend made me feel like a right div.”

Tom didn’t really mean what he was saying, his mind spewing comments before he really had a chance to think about the consequences once they were out.

“Shocker?” Zendaya threw the Odell situation back in Tom’s face; her mind still unable to forget the images of happy, smiley Tom and Ella at the Bafta’s. A sadistic part of her wanted Tom to feel the anger and the sadness that was flooding her bloodstream as she spoke up again, “Like the one I got when I saw you and Ella all over the news? That was real classy, Thomas.”

“Nothing happened between me and Ella.” Tom admitted measly at Zendaya’s comeback, his eyes drifting to his feet. He was jealous of her and Odell, and yet he couldn’t comprehend why she would be jealous of him and Ella. He was right when he said that nothing had happened! He’d only really introduced himself to her for the sake of pissing off him mum.

“So, what, Tom, seeing you together still hurt! And just because I broke up with you, doesn’t mean I could turn it all off, just like that. My feelings were, are, still here.” Zendaya’s voice croaked and her façade of anger fizzled to the point where Tom reached out for her. The sudden vulnerability embodying her only made him want to pull her into his arms. But as soon as his arm extended for her, she took a step back. “I felt like a fucking idiot, I was sat at home wishing I was with you that night and then I woke up to this bullshit about you flirting with all these girls and those pictures of you smiling with Ella-“

Tom’s breathing lurched at Zendaya’s admittance at wanting to be with the Bafta’s with him. Because her wanting to be there with him meant she still cared just as much as she did whilst they were together. He knew she was proud of him, he knew that when she’d been the first person to congratulate him. But it was reassuring to hear it being confessed out loud, a humbling thought for his longing heart.  

“I wanted you to be there with me too, do you not get that? I wanted you there with me, but you broke up with me! You wanted the space!” Tom was jabbing a finger in Zendaya’s direction.

“I didn’t want any of this! The only thing I ever wanted was you but I’m not going to sacrifice your happiness for my own, I can’t, and you can’t ask me to.” Zendaya had spent hours replaying Tom’s conversation with Nikki. Nikki’s voice had started to haunt her nightmares and Zendaya knew, for a fact, that she couldn’t take on the responsibility of causing Tom and his family pain. If anything, remotely resembling a nudity scandal got out, Tom’s career was over. He had nothing to fall back on and Zendaya would never be able to forgive herself for putting him in that place.

“I’m not asking you to do anything, Z. But whether I sacrifice my happiness or not, it’s my decision to make. If I want to risk that sex tape coming out, so be it.”

“I can’t let you do that!” Zendaya didn’t understand how she could get Tom to see things from her perspective. She wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and stay there but this wasn’t a fairy-tale and they weren’t going to get a happy ending if she did. Her stalker would stay true to his words and that would be that.

The not so fruitful end.

“Why?” Tom felt like they were going around in circles. He didn’t get why this had to be so hard. He wanted to be there for her and she was just too damn stubborn to admit that she needed him by her side through this stalker malarkey. “Why are you the one making the big decisions here? I want to be with you and you wanna be with me, that’s clear! No number of Ella’s or Odell’s is going to change that so why are we fighting it?”  

“Because we have to!” Zendaya quietened, her voice barely audible. “I can’t keep doing this, Tom … It hurts too much.” Deep down, Zendaya didn’t want the words to come out her mouth but she knew it was the only way to stop herself from aching as bad as she was. She couldn’t look at Tom everyday and pretend things were okay. Also, she couldn’t let the both of them cuss at one another in spite of their messy situation. She loved him, and she wasn’t going to let themselves jeopardise the relationship that they’d formed, both platonic and romantic. “Until the authorities don’t catch my stalker, I don’t think we should hang out anymore.”

“Babe, come on-“

“After the premiere it will get easier to stay away, hey, hopefully we won’t have to wait that long.” Zendaya lips lifted with an optimism she wasn’t sure she should possess, truthfully, she didn’t know when her stalker’s true identity would come out. It could be days or months from now. Nevertheless, her mouth widened with a smile sadly. “But until then-“

“Go with me.” Tom blurted out suddenly, cutting Zendaya’s earth-shattering words off. She glared back in response, urging him to expand on what he was trying to say. “If you want me to stay away, I’ll respect that. If it means making you feel better, I’ll do it, just go with me to the premiere, walk down that red carpet with me.”

The Spider-Man: Homecoming red carpet signified a lot to Tom. It was a big defining moment in his career and Zendaya knew she couldn’t refuse to support him on such a big night. She had missed the Bafta’s regrettably and she knew she didn’t have it in her to deny him now. Regardless of everything, she was his friend first and foremost. 

“Okay.”

If you enjoyed this piece and would like to help further me and my work, please support me whilst I get through university. The money you donate will go towards assisting me in my student fees. It is one hundred per cent a voluntary pursuit and greatly appreciated, however, your lovely comments and votes are always welcomed too. Thank you for being the greatest: https://ko-fi.com/D1D072V0

[womenofcolor15]

Jodie Turner-Smith & Husband Joshua Left The BAFTAS Early Because, Pregnancy + Zoe Kravitz Wins Best Dressed + Daniel Kaluuya Celebrates Michael Ward’s Win!

Pregnant Jodie Turner-Smith skipped out of the 2020 BAFTAs a little early because chick had to eat! Flicks of the mom-to-be with her man, Zoe Kravitz’s stunning look, Daniel Kaluuya showing love to Michael Ward after his win and more inside…

Actress Jodie Turner-Smith has hit the third trimester of pregnancy as she’s about seven months along. Which means, when baby says he/she is hungry…you eat…STAT!

The Queen & Slim actress made her way to the red carpet for the 2020 EE British Academy Film Awards - Britain’s equivalent of the Oscars - held at Royal Albert Hall in London with her partner/former "Dawson's Creek" star Joshua Jackson.

The gorgeous mom-to-be – who was tapped to present - lit up the carpet in a wore a custom gold Gucci silk tulle gown with sequin embroidery and it was perfection personified.

The stunning British born actress was live tweeting during the ceremony leading up to the moment she hit the stage to present the award for Best Documentary.

  my man is looking over my shoulder at my live tweets and making me edit out ALL the tea #BAFTAs

— Jodie Turner-Smith (@MissJodie) February 2, 2020

    meanwhile, the child in my belly is doing some serious karate moves

— Jodie Turner-Smith (@MissJodie) February 2, 2020

    backstage shitting myself because i’m about to present #BAFTAs

— Jodie Turner-Smith (@MissJodie) February 2, 2020

  Jodie was joined by "The End Of The F***** World" star Naomi Ackie and it's a good thing she was there. The YBF actress said she was super nervous before presenting, but Naomi was able to help calm her nerves. Also, Jodie's Gucci gown almost took Naomi out, but thankfully she didn't fall!

  i was terrified so naomi so graciously held my hand! and then my gown nearly took her down which would have been very embarrassing for me as people already think i don’t care about black lives! but she didn’t fall! #BlackLivesMatter #BAFTAs

— Jodie Turner-Smith (@MissJodie) February 2, 2020

  Jodie also tweeted about the lack of diversity in the room:

  i’m sitting next to half of the black people here and the three of us are laughing at all of @grahnort’s jokes

— Jodie Turner-Smith (@MissJodie) February 2, 2020

    category is: best supporting white lady/ actress

— Jodie Turner-Smith (@MissJodie) February 2, 2020

    #EERisingStarAward: hotly anticipated and most likely will go to a person of colour i sure! #BAFTAs

— Jodie Turner-Smith (@MissJodie) February 2, 2020

    also, thank GOD i brought my reading glasses with me because i could not see a fucking thingggg written on the teleprompter without them! #BAFTAs

— Jodie Turner-Smith (@MissJodie) February 2, 2020

Oop. 

It was all good until her pregnancy cravings started to kick in.

"any way, the #BAFTAs are not yet over but this pregnant lady has to leave because if i don’t eat every 2.5hrs i turn into florence pugh from the 3rd act of midsommar— highly emotional & very likely to let my man get sewn into a bear costume and burnt alive," Jodie tweeted. Ha!

Jodie and Joshua – who still haven’t confirmed if they are legally married – are expecting a baby girl and soon! In a recent interview, the Queen & Slim actress said she will not be raising her future children in the United States due to white supremacy and race relations. Find out where the couple has decided to raise their children HERE.

And the Best Dressed Award goes to...Zoe Kravitz!

Ok, there wasn't a Best Dressed award, but if there was one, the "Big Little Lies" star would have taken it home.

The Mad Max: Fury Road actress stunned in a custom liquid gold Saint Laurent by Anthony Vaccarello gown.

Queen & Slim star Daniel Kaluuya hit the carpet in an all-black Louis Vuitton suit.

Daniel presented Top Boy actor Michael Ward - in Gucci - with the EE Rising Star Award. The Get Out actor won the same award in 2018.

  Peep Michael's acceptance speech below:

Congrats!

So stunning and badass #ZazieBeetz #baftas pic.twitter.com/XmMOK5n4wj

— MAX (@ThisIsMax) February 2, 2020

  Joker actress Zazie Beetz rolled up on the awards scene in a custom Marina Moscone gown. Zazie didn't win any awards of her own, but she did take the stage to accept the EE Best Casting Award for her Joker co-star Shayna Markowitz.

Black & Blue actress Naomie Harris jazzed up the carpet in a custom Michael Kors Collection gown accented with fringe. She accessorized her look with Jessica McCormack jewelry.

Gorge.

Also...

Joker actor Joaquin Phoenix won the Best Actor Award and he used his acceptance speech to call out the the British Academy of Film and Television Arts for "systemic racism." The BAFTAs did not nominate a single actor of color this year, so he made sure to make everyone aware during his speech.

“I feel very honored and privileged to be here tonight, and the BAFTAs have always been very supportive of my career, and I’m deeply appreciative. But I have to say that I also feel conflicted because so many of my favorite actors who are deserving don’t have the same privilege," he said when he started his speech.

Peep his full speech above.

British Royal Prince William also called out the British Academy of Film and Television Arts for their lack of diversity and inclusion.

“In 2020, and not for the first time in the last few years, we find ourselves talking again about the need to do more to ensure diversity in the sector and in the awards process – that simply cannot be right in this day and age," he said.

Check out his speech below:

Photos:Famous/Avalon/Getty Images Europe/BACKGRID

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