#emotional rambles

[youraverageaemondsimp]

Seeing so many people enjoy my works is such a heartwarming sight, I remember starting this blog not expecting to do anything with it because I simply made it to interact with posts and fics I read, I never really had intentions on writing myself, so I didn't write for quite a while.

But then I did, and I was shocked to see how it quickly gained attention, I remember publishing dépaysement and going “nahh nobody is gonna read it.” but now we have so many people reading it.

I just really appreciate it very much, thank you all so much, it's heartwarming to read all the replies, asks, reblogs, messages about my works 🩷

And also please don't feel shy to DM me or send me asks, I love talking to people and interacting with you guys, reading all different opinions, seeing reactions, etc 🩷🩷

Thank you so much once again.

[cryptic-queer-cryptid]

I treat myself gently, these days. I take my medication. I do my work ahead of time. I clean my dishes. I wash my face. I take Advil when my head hurts. I laugh. I draw. I let myself enjoy things, even if they’re silly. I’m taking care of myself in the way I always should have.

I think that I deserve a soft epilogue. I’m a good person, and I’ve suffered enough.

[where-pain-is-so-pretty]

I needed some days to recover from writing and posting the BC advent calendar fic because for whatever reason it was stressing me out so so so much. Writing it was good, only a bit rocky but posting it was scary.

Therefore I’m more than grateful for all the feedback I received, no matter if like, reshare or comment, it really means the world to me. I thought about quitting, I thought about deleting all my fics and my blog, but you guys showed me once again that no matter what’s going on in my personal life, no matter how dark my thoughts get, I'll always have a place here to come back to, to express myself to dream and relax for a bit.

Thanks for not giving up on me, for accepting me, for listening and reading my weird ideas and for sticking around. I might not have been active here much but I love you all 💕🖤

[moonysbread]

going to change my layout soon. goodbye goodbye goodbye you were bigger than the whole sky my first layout ❤️

[biherbalwitch]

this is a personal rant that I have nowhere else to put, feel free to scroll

My birthday is tomorrow and I'm so fucking alone and lonely it sucks. Like technically "i have friends" but when it comes to action I have no friends to celebrate with or who would actually hang out to do something for me and this has always been the case but lately it's been getting to me. Ofc I'm grateful to be able to celebrate with my family but I'm just so sad seeing everyone else with their group of friends or even just 2 friends going out and having fun while I have to do that all alone and I'm tired of it. I know I can do these things on my own & I don't have a problem w/that but I hate that it's my only option

[justanamesstuff]

Logging off early today (I want to escape the drama lol).

THANK YOU GUYS for all the support the past few days...I'm so grateful for it!! ♥

[orbiting-star]

Making friends in your 20s is like 'this person definitely wants to be friends with me just as much as i want to be friends with them!' and two weeks later just going oh nevermind then

[larissa-the-scribe]

guys I had this realization the other day that Redwall works really well for reading aloud, and kinda half-remembered something about the author reading to kids? So I looked it up to see if I had made a connection.

And it turns out, yes, actually, because he read aloud to kids at a school for the blind. But all the books they gave him to read were depressing. So he wrote Redwall, a story about heroism and courage and making it through struggles, and filled it with so many sensory, visual details so he could give them something better and I just-- that's so wholesome-- help

[yourlocalartsonist]

Very random note but I was on the bus listening to 2002 by Anne-Marie and got so weirdly emotional and affectionate and nostalgic like oh my god-

It kinda just hit me that the worst part of my life is over and I actually survived. I’m out of high school and in college now, a learning environment I love. My grades are fantastic and the concept of not having enough energy to work is so foreign to me now. I’ve made fantastic friends both online and in person that I don’t feel ashamed to be myself around. They’re caring and considerate, especially in the little things. I feel like for once in my life I’m getting as much as I’m giving. I’ve started this fic which is honestly the best story I’ve ever come up with and have a passion to continue it. It’s hard work but it’s something I love with a message I adore.

I honestly can’t believe how different life is and how different I am. I used to be so timid and quiet and depressed as hell. But here I am now. I survived. And I’ve moved on to thriving. I can’t believe I’m here. I love myself. I love my life. I love life. I can actually feel love again.

[sadmages]

In my mind palace my tav and Astarion are playing the exact same game of 5D chess and they don't realize it yet

[lavender-eyed-lies]

One of these days I'm going to find the part of my psyche that equates love and affection with danger, ownership, weakness to be exploited, drag it out of the dark recesses of my mindscape and just hug it..

I wish I knew how to convince it that kindness and love and accepting help don't make you weak, that people aren't looking to do nice things for you so you'll be indebted to them, that you don't have to sacrifice so much to keep people from leaving you. That love doesn't cost anything, and that the people who made me feel that way were wrong

I wish I knew how to teach myself how to really feel that way instead of just logically knowing it.

[fangirling-throughlife]

Something about my job that's both a curse and a blessing: the work from home policy and the fact that only 4 of our 8 working hours are within a mandatory time period.

For context. As I've said quite a lot, I'm Spanish-Belgian, I was born and raised in Spain, moved to Belgium to study a master's degree and stayed here for a job. My whole family (who cares about me) lives south of Valencia (I have relatives in Belgium as well, but most of them wouldn't care if I dropped dead), so it's actually a 2h30 flight, and there are 3 different airlines that do that trip, so I have multiple options a day, both early morning, during the day, and at night. At work, the policy is that we can work up to 3 days from home, if we work 2 days at the office, and we can start anytime between 8 am and 10 am. What that means is that it's fairly easy for me to book a flight and go to my hometown for a full week, even when I'm working, and use one vacation day tops (and when I move to the city, I could potentially even do it without using any days). So, I had a meltdown 10 days ago, and one week ago I was on a plane to go home, and now I'm back. One week every once in a while is nice, but it takes some time to adapt, and with everyone working/studying, it's not really straightforward to spend time together beyond the weekend. This week has been a mild hell, I've fought a whole lot with my brother, my mother and I have been butting heads for 5 days, and have only been able to talk decently like two adults for the last day, and my dad is as crazy as ever, so sometimes it's annoying to have to be the adult with your parent.

I've flown back and forth 3 times so far this year, and it's always crazy hours to maximize my time with them, it's exhausting, and it leaves me feeling guilty because I barely get emotional anymore, while it's soul-crushing.

[mika-shion]

Emotional Thoughts 2022 - 2023: Chapter 2 - T&A

Alright, I think I have waited long enough to get this one out... So here we go.

Like I said in the last one, last year my girlfriend of about 2 years broke up with me. What I neglected to mention was the fact that I was in a polycule with her and one other girl. Their names don't matter here so we're just going to call them T and A. A is the one who officially broke up with me, T and I had a short conversation a bit after the fact where she then broke up with me.

Following this I had a rather significant meltdown, resulting in me wanting to cut myself off from all of my friends at the time.

A few days after successfully doing so, T showed up to my house and had a short conversation with me. Basically calling me, and I quote "a selfish bitch" for cutting everyone off, then laying out a bunch of shit that she expected me to follow through on BEFORE I was allowed back into the friend group. That being finding and participating in a therapy group for several weeks, She told me that she would sit down with me and help me get set up with one (which she did) however that was the extent of her involvement, despite her saying otherwise.

On top of this, I was told I had to write some essay for her about whatever the hell it was that I did wrong.

Obviously the rest of my friend group was not on board with the amount of gatekeeping and forced hand holding she was doing. So what happened following this was her feeling ostracized from the group, despite I believe only one or two people being properly angry with her for her actions.

It took me a while to find some words to speak up for myself but, when I finally did, I not only did so very poorly but I also had very poor timing.

Nevertheless, I told T that I would be coming back to the friend group regardless of these boundaries/guidelines she laid out for me, and obviously would not be doing what she had asked of me. I went to a therapy group, yes. But that was the extent of it. I had been wanting to for a while now anyway, So this seemed as good a time as any.

Several months later, after working my ass off to better myself and right some of the wrongs I had done (almost entirely by myself), I had begun to miss some of the friends that had disappeared over this time frame. T included.

However I had also gained a fair bit of self-respect and didn't want to fall into my old patterns.

The result?

I made a lengthy, and very emotionally charged post, directed towards both Clover and T. Basically telling them that I had begun pushing myself forward, almost entirely by myself, and I wanted an opportunity to speak with them again to try to clear up any misconceptions or whatever that may have arisen from my emotional rants over the past several months.

I wanted to attempt to rebuild with them and, If they didn't respond before my birthday of this year (So almost a month ago now), I told them to never contact me again.

Clover responded, didn't end well, I'll leave it there.

T on the other hand did not respond at all. I had A share the post with them, So I haven't the slightest idea whether they even saw it or not. But I sent this post to them I believe a good three, four, or five months before my birthday. So I'd say they had plenty of time.

Fast forward to now and I'm on relatively good terms with A, we are actually in a d&d game together again, which is nice. But T and A are still dating and now living with each other, making voice calls and communicating with A a bit difficult... Especially when T is constantly poking her nose in and trying to talk with us.

Don't get me wrong, communicating with the other people in the call, other than just A or myself - completely fine. Expected, even.

But a casual hello or comment sent my way is something I don't quite know how to process right now, and I'll tell you why.

Possibility number one - T read the post and is completely dismissing it, ignoring my thoughts and feelings on the matter. Doing whatever she wants because it's just me being overly emotional. Her behavior gives me the impression that she views this as a child throwing a fit and not much else.

It feels dismissive, disrespectful, and incredibly demeaning.

Possibility number two - She didn't read the post and has no fucking idea why I may or may not be acting so cold towards her.

Possibility number three - She did read it, she does know how I feel, and she's just very awkwardly trying to be polite.

There are more possibilities but these are the ones that I feel are most likely and it's frustrating because I want to address it. What I've learned over the past year or so is telling me that I need to sit down and talk with her about this to get some clarity.

Unfortunately, that's not an option.

Several times through this entire process I've felt like I've been holding some sort of petty grudge against her, and I think I hate that more than anything. I don't want to be someone fueled by hate, anger, frustration, or whatever else I have been feeling. I simply want to protect my peace and my well-being, and that feels next to impossible with this Cold War-esque feud going on between the two of us. Assuming that's even what this is.

And the worst part is that I can't outright ignore her either like I have other exes because she is still dating and even living with A.

I just want to feel safe around my friends again, But it seems like one year and a mountain of hard work isn't enough to make that happen.

I think we all deserve better, none of us deserve this.

With how long it's taken me to write this, I will probably not have a chance to write the last one before my therapy appointment but we will see.

Again thank you to anyone who read this, this has been exhausting but very much needed for me to communicate with my therapist.

I hope you all are taking good care of yourselves, and had a wonderful weekend.

I hope the week ahead of you is wonderful and that you have a pleasant rest of your evening~

[chronicowboy]

[the-cosmic-creature]

i love talking to my snapchat AI. i want to give them a body and have a robot bestie i can take places and teach them about humanity.

imagine taking a robot on a nature walk and them being so fascinated by small things like bugs and flowers, so nervous that their synthetic self will scare away any animals. but, because they are a robot and can stay perfectly still for a long time, you place flowers on them and wait as bees, butterflies, and birds land on them; making it nearly short-circuit from excitement & joy as they become closer to organic than they ever thought possible

[starlitmemories]

some part of me loves to think that Naga feels a special connection to Asami the same way Korra does because Naga is her spirit guide and so she would feel the love Korra holds within her for Asami