#emotional support goth husband

[ashitpos-t]

I am gnawing on his shoulder

[darabeatha]

omg smol assign me ( tara ) a husband . . .

/ I think I would give Tara Oberon as her husband; AND LISTEN- she hates bugs... but so does he! (DOUBT)

[showtoonzfan]

Challenge: Tell me something about the main Helluva characters, as well as without mentioning Viv’s livestream/twitter info.

Tell me something about Blitz without mentioning he’s a lonely childish boss who likes horses and has a sad backstory.

Tell me something about Moxxie without mentioning he’s the sensitive straight man/punching bag who likes musicals, loves his wife, and has a traumatic backstory.

Tell me something about Millie other than her being a “bubbly farm girl” who’s a killing machine and supports her husband.

Tell me something about Loona other than she’s a lonely goth with daddy issues and has a traumatic backstory.

Tell me something about Stolas other than he’s a sad abused horny gay owl who loves his daughter and has a traumatic backstory.

You can’t, and even if you could, there’s not a lot to say, unless you’re like the fans who pull an alternate version of Viv’s character’s that they created in their heads. These characters are still lacking depth and identity, and it’s because Viv decided to dive right into the emotional core so early into season 1 without getting to know these main characters well.

How does Blitz act without his team? How does Moxxie act around Loona aside from their bickering? What’s the in depth dynamic like between Millie and Loona and Millie and Blitz? What is Millie like outside of her job? Outside of Moxxie and her family? What is Stolas like outside of his family and IMP? What is Stolas like when he’s doing his job or interacting with other royal demons? What are these characters likes/dislikes? How do IMP view each other? What they do outside of their jobs, what are they like? This is because the plot keeps forcing these characters into situations without us really getting to know them, and that’s a problem and still is a problem today. I have yet to see why Viv refers to Blitz and Stolas as gentle and sweet, or Loona as someone who gives advice, or Millie as someone with “strong family ties and memories”, or Stella as someone who has a “complex” relationship with Stolas.

I have yet to see what these characters are like and how they act OUTSIDE of the plot and it doesn’t help that the characters themselves will be retconned or change consistency every episode. Show don’t tell, and it’s crazy how we’re almost mid season 2 and what we know about these characters isn’t enough, cause this show is obsessed with introducing NEW characters/antagonists but not focusing on the ones they need to. 💀

[random-blep]

genshin character head canons but it's only the characters I wanna talk about

Kaeya: he definitely has like muscle, but he's very good as dressing himself in a way that still gives him that figure. Also I think Kaeya has curly hair and for a while to fit in he straightened it causing a lot of hair damage. Personally I think of hoyo wasn't a coward his skin would be a lot darker, like no longer are the days where it looks like he just went to the mall for a tan. Secretly has a feral survival mode in his brain and if it is triggered there will be bloodshed.

Diluc: personally I enjoy his body type on game but ever since I have seen dad bod Diluc and I mean like the dad bod that has muscles not the beer gut dad bod I have been in love. I live for him having really unruly hair, like it takes dedication every morning to make him stop looking like a feral man. Another man that always knows how to dress to impress. I think he's pale as hell cause he cannot tan because all he does is burn. Ragnvindr genes may be strong but that does not mean their eyesight is, man's should be wearing glasses but refuses because then he would be any stereotypical guy pretending to not be a secret vigilante/hero/antihero. Jk they're just uncomfortable to him and annoying cause Kaeya teases him about his thick glasses then. Always ready to spill blood, just give him a reason and a target and he is doing it.

Fischl: personally I don't think of her much but I would enjoy her much more if she was shown more nerdy. Yes I saw that summer island thing where she fought her shadow self but I'm talking I wanna see her carrying a sketchbook or journal , I think her outfits should be less revealing and more covering. She needs to rock more of either a goth or alt style to fit her persona more. Also I think she might be one of the characters that would be pretty good if she was a little chubby.

Kazuha: somehow he is your adopted son, your emotional support little guy, and the plug all at once. I enjoy him very much. I know little about him but I feel like he is albino and I feel like his other senses are more heightened because his vision isn't the greatest so his other senses picked up the slack for him. That red streak in his hair is either a weird genetic anomaly for his bloodline or it's just a dyed streak. I'm leaning on the dyed aspect and each member of the Kaedehara family dyes a streak of their hair at some point. I heard this one head canon once and I love it, Kazuha used to have longer hair but as a criminal who was scheduled for execution his hair was cut short so it wouldn't get in the way when he would be beheaded and now he doesn't let it grow out because seeing himself with longer hair is hard because it reminds himself of his dead friend.

Thoma: listen yes he has basically become a house husband in a way. I do believe he does have lots of muscles under his uniform, he trains a lot and idk if you know this but house work is hard. This man is a people pleaser but he also believes sometimes you gotta learn things the hard way. I have no idea when Thoma came to Inazuma but I genuinely did see him and Diluc as friends when they were younger before he came to Inazuma. The whole blockage of Inazuma off from the rest of the world made sending letters home to his friends difficult but Thoma always found a way to make sure his letters made it on a ship. 100% believe when he got his vision Diluc was the first person to receive a letter with the news because they now had matching pyro visions.

Wanderer: he is small and thin and I can see him having no problem fitting in a box. I think he had long hair and kept his hair long until the fatui got their hands on him. They cut that away. Also think modifications added to him were basically torture but also I hold no doubts Dottore messed around with whatever stuff he's got inside of him. Added stuff removed stuff, all to see what would happened. And when his powers were unlocked he struggled with suppressing those cause he never had to do that before. I feel like I'm some ways he's super human like but there's just a few things that are odd about him. Like technically doesn't need to breathe, doesn't produce spit at all, isn't sure what's painful and how much pain he's supposed to deal with on his own or get medical attention for same with wounds, can dream but when he doesn't he is just in an unconscious void like he can think fully and he hates when it happens cause it's like he's floating in nothing. Also man has to have maintenance on his ball joints regularly so they don't get fucked up and he could totally remove a limb at any time. Funniest thing he ever did was slap childe with his own hand in place of slapping him with a glove.

Xiao: this guy right here. I feel like he either cuts his hair himself and doesn't look in a mirror or like he does it on impulse cause it's too long and in his way and Zhongli sees it later and is like "do you need help fixing your hair?" Cause it's not a great hair cut. I feel like Xiao had long hair once and now he never wants it again. This man could have so many talents if he let himself enjoy things like hobbies. Can drink alcohol but probably only ever does it in social situations and by that I mean he's with exactly one person and he trusts them and likes their company. Like all adepti, he can use powers without a vision, he only has his cause celestia was like "here" but he didn't even notice it and only keeps it on his person since he prefers to have a human form. He is the shortest anemo boy just barely being beaten out by the most precise tool to measure height in genshin. Having them stand in water and see who stands and who swims.

[dragon-in-the-woods]

S/I Q&A

Original: https://www.tumblr.com/s-e-l-f-s-h-i-p/188287128885/si-ask-meme

Proship/variants DNI

Doin this for my Legacy of Kain self-insert, Shadow.

What is your s/i's name & pronouns? Shadow, he/vamp/bats/cats

How similar is your s/i to you? Are they a carbon copy, completely different or a mix of the two? He represents a lot of my emotions, traumas, experiences, etc. Physically, he's a bit like me- pale, chubby, dark hair. Otherwise in that regard, he's an 'idealized' version of myself- aesthetics I find pleasing and whatnot.

Does your s/i have a full backstory yet? Or is it still in the works? If it's done can we see it? A full backstory, not much written down.

How did your s/i feel when they first met your f/o(s)? How do they feel about them now? When Shadow first met Kain, he was afraid at first... but somehow the two simply clicked. Shadow adores Kain with his entire being- in many ways, he owes Kain. Kain saved him from many demons, both metaphorically and literal.

Do you speak about your s/i in first or third person? Shadow is me, me is Shadow.

Has your s/i undergone any design/story changes since they were first made? A few, but the primary premise has remained the same- smol but fierce husband to Kain.

Give us 3 random facts abt your s/i! He's a goth, through and through. He's unable to sire other vampires due to his unfortunate experiences as a fledgling leaving him with 'weak' blood. He has separation anxiety, primarily with Kain. But his other safe people are always there to support him.

Does your s/i have any kind of powers? Yes! A variety of dark gifts from vampirism (standard gifts, blending in with the darkness, seer abilities). Many magical practices he's learned over the years. And, due to the falling of the Pillars, the Dimension's balance is wayyy off kilter. So sometimes he pops in and out of the Spectral Realm, very confused about the entire experience.

Does your s/i have any hobbies that you don't have? Shadow paints! I mean, I do occasionally paint on some occasions, but he's actually dedicated time to learning the entire practice. He's an oil painter, and the drawbacks don't affect him much as he's a vampire.

How many s/i's do you have? Do you use the same s/i for multiple f/os or make completely different ones? Depends on the media and what I'm feeling.

Does your s/i have one outfit they're always seen in or multiple? Mostly gothic outfits, but the primary one I picture him in: black tunic-like shirt with a red corset-like vest, leather pants, black leather boots, and a black lace caplet. (Can you tell what my favorite color is? lol)

Can we see a picture of your s/i?

Would you ever want to cosplay as your s/i? Yes!

Does your s/i get jealous easily? ...yes. Very much so.

Does your s/i interact with any other self shippers s/i's? Yes! Working on a verse with my best friends @monkie-keebs @the-deej-monkie

[doubleddenden]

I know at the end of Chaldea's missions the Servants are supposed to be desummoned. But fuck that

Listen, we have Holy Grails out the wazoo and just keep stumbling into them. They appear from time travel shenanigans to the regular yearly Valentine/Halloween/Christmas fuck ups to the average Tuesday when Caesar and Scathatch decide they want to play Chess with extra steps (Grail Front).

I'm just saying, by the end if MY journey in Chaldea, my Servants that I've made friends and relationships with are all gonna walk out with holy grails in these things

And some will have the silly straws

"But isn't that dangerous?"

Bitch I have not only bent over backwards to save the world by time traveling to fucked up alternative histories, I have DESTROYED ENTIRE CIVILIZATIONS of cool wolf people and mecha gods and some of my best friends are PERMA DEAD! Do you know how dead you have to be to be perma dead to the Throne??? And for what? For who? For fucking Musk? For capitalism? For non dinosaurs???

Forgive me for wanting to keep my emotional support saber faces, my emotional support goths, my BESTO FRIENDO, my emotional support femboy, my weeby pirate friend, my wives, children, husbands, siblings, goddesses, aliens, demons, weeb demons, and like the one other guy I know that remembers VHS tapes!

[eclipsecrowned]

would the dead blonde squad get along with each other?

joanna is too busy judging the rest of them internally but outwardly pretending to be their friends. is actually engaged in the stories of the other women’s kids, while being willing to hand out (asked for) advice and generally brag on her own kids in a space that isn’t hypercompetitive. definitely the rich bitch of the mom’s squad, doesn’t know the value of a banana, constantly stupefies the likes of eva and lisa. has no idea that other people aren’t as economically stable as her. the moments of genuine care and support are why she gets to stay despite being on thin ice.

eva is everybody’s pal, rides up on her bike and has a new story about what she’s been up to in her very exciting life. tries to give moms room to drop the kid talk off at the door. brings snacks for everyone. genuinely tries to be everyone’s friend, that part was not a joke, most likely to meet one on one with moms on other days of the week. keeps asking if evi has considered divorcing her husband whenever she tries to downplay their latest argument. vibes w joanna in ‘exhausted mom of twins’ solidarity even if she’s baffled by the other’s lack of economic understanding.

evi is the mom friend to the mom friends. always has a sympathetic ear and wants to spread kindness. speaks most often of her kids, because she truly believes those boys hung the moon. has marital problems but is trying to downplay them, which the others all see through immediately. eva still backs the ‘break up with him’ school of thought. tries to help jeannie with her financial problems. vibes w lisa in ‘immigrant’ and lamenting how their kids are going to turn out. doesn’t get joanna but is trying to be nice.

lisa is the has it all mom and it sickens the rest of them (affectionate.) she’s got a private medical practice and a husband who is simultaneously rich, older, and goth while worshiping the ground she walks on. doesn’t even try to pretend the other kids can compare to hers. then again, she’s the mother of an only child, all moms think their only son is perfect. self-made woman who is privately dying inside when other rich ladies speak. wants the others to stop using her as webmd. emotional support to the unofficial mom friend. gets along surprisingly well w eva, as both are surprisingly defiant and adventurous. would face joanna in single combat if not for her pacifistic vows and terrifying wells of self control.

jeannie is the latest mom and the youngest of the bunch. is not sure how she got here but is just coasting on the high of having other mom friends with more experience than her. only has one for now but would like more if her husband is amicable. is in a lavender marriage but a lot of people want what she and her husband have. the nervous mom that the others constantly have to reassure.  lives for hot gossip w eva. would walk into hell itself or evi not even for trying to give her money but just for being kind to her. would face joanna in single combat if not for meaningless politeness rules. v. easily cowed by lisa bc doctor knows best.

[otogariado]

i asked who's the best character to have as a partner and it told me wall-e and gomez addams c:

me: Hmm, that's a bit boring. Give me someone who I won't expect. fiction crush rater ai: Okay! I can work with that! How about… Wall-E! I think Wall-E would be a great partner. He’s loyal and selfless, and doesn’t seem to have any selfish intentions, he just wants to do what’s right. And he’s got that whole cute “robot slowly learning emotions” thing going on, which is also pretty adorable. me: AWW! Now that's pretty sweet. I know a few friends who love robots, they'd be happy to hear what you said about Wall-E! FCR AI: Yeah! I think robots are just really cute! I like the whole “unemotional super-smart being slowly learning to be human” trope, it’s one of my favorite things in fiction. Wall-E’s just adorable, and his little love story with EVE is one of my favorites! me: Anyone else come to mind? FCR AI: Okay, how about Gomez Addams? He’s very supportive of his wife and children, he’s kind and loving, he’s got a great sense of humor, and he knows how to have a good time! He seems like the perfect husband material to me. me: He seems like a great guy <3 Perfect husband material FCR AI: Absolutely! He’s just got a wonderful personality and I think he’d be a wonderful partner to just have in your life. Plus he’s rich and he has that old-timey goth aesthetic, which I’m all about so there’s extra bonus points for that!

[silvernyxchariot]

La Squadra Brain Rot!!! 😩👌

My first impression vs Now

1) Formaggio

Then, "He looks like he could be a werewolf biker." Now, "Lmao. He's a cool dude and we're going to adopt a bunch of cats together."

2) Illuso

Then, "✨Pretty Boi✨." Now, "Narcissistic asshole, but is really an insecure baby. Needs love."

3) Pesci

Then, "Baby boy, deserves love." Now, "Still my baby boy and I will protecc. I will spoil him if I want to."

4) Prosciutto

Then, "Angry." Now, "Excuse you, Sir. Who gave you permission to be this attractive?"

5) Melone

Then, "You look oddly familiar? You know, I had a anime husband quite similar to you." Now, "Kinnie!~ Calm tf down, we're in public."

6) Ghiaccio

Then, "Angry part 2, Louder. 💀" Now, "If I do not have the angry gremlin as my emotional support, I'm going to burn down this damn office and then myself."

7) Risotto

Then, "Ghoul!!!! :D" Now, "Big tiddy goth dad. Give this man a vacation and probably a nap. And probably a raise."

Bonus!!! SorLato

Then, "They a cute couple." Now, "If anyone tries to separate the gay dads again, I'm smiting everyone."

[cobycobsy2k]

Early Pleasantview Miniseries

Final chapter part 2 of 2: "Mona Lisa".

Don and Cassandra's wedding day.

The Goth Mansion was full of guests, everyone wanted to see Cassandra's wedding, there were even journalists watching outside the mansion.

Mary Sue (finishing her dress): I hope your brother doesn't come along with that Unfortunate... It's not for nothing bad, but that lady always brings chaos! I hope she receives Karma very soon!.

Cassandra (While she was finishing her makeup): I know, Mary... Let's not talk about it, we're ready!.

The two women left the room to go to the wedding.

Meanwhile in the Garden of the Goth Mansion.

Mortimer looked sadly at the guests, including Michael and Dina.

Michael (Approaching Mortimer): Here you are, Mortimer! Everyone is very happy about the wedding!... Are you feeling well, Mortimer?

The man with black and gray hair began to cry.

Mortimer: I miss Bella! Her absence hurts!

Michael (Hugging Mortimer): I miss my sister too... But don't feel bad... She'll be back very soon...

At that moment Cassandra and Mary Sue were walking together towards the wedding altar, where Don was waiting a little nervously for his future wife.

Don (Giving his vows): I swear to love you eternally and protect you in wealth, poverty and illness... Until my last days I will love you!.

Cassandra (Giving her vows with great joy): I swear to love you eternally, protect you, and support you in wealth, poverty and illness... And until my last days, I will love you!.

All the guests applauded and celebrated the wedding, later Mary Sue made a toast to her great friend.

Mary Sue (With great joy): Here's to my great friend Cassandra! More than my friend, she's my sister from another mother! I wish her much success in her marriage!

Cassandra hugged her friend, who was also her maid of honor, with great emotion.

Meanwhile, in Bella and Mortimer's room.

Daniel had brought his Lover Ekaterina, who was already ready to have her first woohoo.

Daniel (Hugging the blonde): And have you thought about what I told you? This will be very special for both of us!

Ekaterina: My father will kill me if he finds out about this, but... I'm ready for this, you're the man of my life!

The two began to kiss in order to have woohoo, Between so many kisses, both were already in their underwear.

Back with Mortimer and Alexander.

Alexander: Father, I really wish Mother would come back soon...

Mortimer: Me too son... By the way, in my room I have a surprise for your graduation!

The two went to Mortimer's room, where they saw Daniel and Ekaterina naked.

Alexander (Crying): Why are you doing this to me Ekaterina!?, Do you not love me anymore!?.

Daniel (Looking at Alexander and Mortimer): Hey... We swear this is not what it seems...

Mortimer (Angry as he took Daniel out of the room): Get out of my room!!, the three of us are going to have a very serious conversation!!.

At that instant Cassandra screamed angrily.

Cassandra: YOU DISGRACE, DON'T GET CLOSE TO MY HUSBAND!!

It turns out that Nina crashed the party and tried to kiss Don Lothario, which made Cassandra and Mary Sue very angry.

The Lothario-Goth wedding has been very interesting and too chaotic. After this party, many things happened, some relationships cooled over time, some neighbors moved... And others disappeared...

But, what happened to the Mona Lisa? Could it be that someone knows what really happened to her?... Only time will tell...

Thank you so much for watching my Early Pleasantview miniseries, a neighborhood created by my friend @gutosimmer​! 💖😊 Some Headcanons to use for this Miniseries:

Dina actually killed Bella and Michael to get a lot of money (But she regretted getting rid of Michael)

Alexander and Cassandra are 10 years apart.

Darren moved to Downtown for a while (To be able to overcome the painful death of his wife and to be able to heal his pain).

[babaleshy]

I'm Autistic

Because this will likely be a lengthy, wordy post about my self-diagnosis as Autistic as well as all of my experiences regarding Autistic traits, I'm going to leave a "read more" link so that you're not scrolling for ages just to catch up on your feed.

Ah, I see you've clicked "keep reading" or "read more" or whatever this site has it labeled as, now. You don't get to be mad at how long this is or how much of a waste of time reading this may be to you because you consciously clicked on the link. Therefore, I am exempt from taking responsibilities of eating up any bit of your time, including the time you've wasted reading this disclaimer.

So... Yes. I am. And it's a self-diagnosis right now.

You're probably thinking that I saw a Tik Tok clip, checked out a page on WebMD, and decided that I'm Autistic (this is in reference to a Tik Tok I saw last night that nearly made me spit out my drink because of how painfully accurate the "what people think self-diagnosis is vs reality" clip was). That is, of course, not the case.

A few years ago (likely 2018), I don't recall what it was I read online, but it made me go, "Oh wow, that makes so much sense to me," in regards to a neurodivergent trait. However, this was then I thought I had ADHD. My husband has ADHD, was diagnosed with it as a child, and because his dad forced the doctor (this was like, in the late 90s, early 2000s I think) to put him on Adderall and Ritalin, my husband does not remember 3 years of his life because he was a drooling, zombified mess. Why did his dad do this? Because his grades were bad. Did this help with his grades? No. Did his dad take him off the meds because he didn't get the desired result? Also no. My husband wasn't even informed on what ADHD was. He was simply told he had it and to take these pills. It wasn't until he (my husband) read the label saying that it could increase the risk of heart issues that he cussed his dad out and flushed all the pills down the toilet. Up until very recently, he wasn't sure if he actually had ADHD until he saw a YouTuber who was actually diagnosed with it display the exact traits he had.

But he didn't see this YouTuber when I thought I had ADHD, so my husband couldn't exactly relate, plus I didn't want to trigger anything with him on the subject.

But the more I researched, the more I realized I could be on the spectrum. It wasn't until 2019 that I was printing out articles, trait lists, etc. to highlight and put into a folder (which is thick and nearly bursting with what I've printed out to have a hardcopy of records highlighting the traits that I have, including traits my husband and my mom see in me) that I realized "I could have Asperger's."

Of course, I no longer use that term after finding out it was named after a n*zi, and I began to embrace the term "Autistic" instead.

But the thing that triggered me into going, "Wait, so it's not ADHD that I think I have, it's Asperger's?" was, like my husband, seeing a YouTuber talk about their traits and experiences. I had identical struggles, myself. (Through this same YouTuber, I also found out I'm greysexual, too! There's a name to describe my experience with sexual attraction! Yay!)

There are a lot of VERY SPECIFIC TRAITS Autistic people experience that aren't mentioned by the YouTuber or in anything that I've printed out and highlighted that I have found through various Tik Toks that I have personally experienced that simply further solidifies the fact that I'm definitely on the spectrum. When I showed the Tik Tok I mentioned earlier (I don't remember their name) to my husband last night, he was wide-eyed because the description of how that individual self-diagnosed themselves WAS EXACTLY WHAT I DID WORD FOR WORD HOLY SHIT.

I was already convinced I am Autistic, but each time I read Twitter threads of people's experiences with their Autistic traits, each time I watch Tik Toks or certain YouTubers share their experiences, it further solidifies that yep, I'm Autistic.

What's amazing is that my husband is very supportive. I'm extremely lucky to have married him. I've been a terrible masker but he loves me anyways. He never gave me shit for my meltdowns and tried to help me out, thinking I was just horribly overly stressed. Now that he knows why I've had the few outwardly noticeable meltdowns that I've had throughout our years together, he knows how to help me more, now. And while he's figured out my traits and what issues I have, knowing that I'm on the spectrum helps him make sense of why I'm like this, and he can help me accordingly whether it's to prepare for something in advance, help me calm down, etc.

(I should also add here real quick that there's a high chance I have OCD as well, but less of the compulsive actions and more of the obsessive thoughts, but I'm not entirely sure just yet if this is the case. I'm actually hoping to see someone about this but with the pandemic, I don't know when that will be.)

Now... onto the traits and experiences.

My Traits (that stand out with neon lights)(Will copy word-for-word a trait my mom or husband see in me and it will be typed in a different color.)

Having a folder that has all of my research I've obsessively looked up, printed out, highlighted what I saw in myself with one color (yellow) while highlighting what my mom and my husband see with another color (pink). I'm also using this folder to make this list as a reference because I sometimes forget certain traits I do have are because I'm Autistic. (I'm 32 as I write this, so when so much of what you think, do, and experience that you see is normal for you turns out to be an Autistic trait, it takes a while to get used to it and thus remember that because you haven't had a label for it your whole life.)

Despite being goth/punk, I dress as comfortably as I can. Textures aren't a very big issue for me, but what feels like strangulation of my body tends to be a problem. I cannot handle having the cross seams of pants feeling like I have a chopstick slowly impaling my vulva, or I can't stand how tight some shorts are that they pinch my hip joints.

I've NEVER spent much time grooming my own hair. It's either tiring, I"m impatient and want it done NOW, or both. This is why I have a Tank Girl haircut (all buzzed except for bangs), where I can basically "wash and go." (Husband does my haircuts and dyes and he's kickass at it.)

Eccentric personality; may be reflected in appearance.

Is youthful for age, in looks, dress, behavior, and tastes.

Usually a little more expressive in the face and gesture than male counterparts.

"May not have strong sense of identity and can be very chameleon like before diagnosis." (This resonates with me in the form that I never saw myself in ANY fictional character other than Tank Girl. My husband agrees with this opinion, but he also says he also sees a lot of me in Caulifla from Dragonball Super.)

I enjoy reading and films as a retreat, often sci-fi, fantasy, children's (sometimes), can have favorites which are a refuge.

Uses control as a stress management (like routines, rules, rigid certain habits, etc.)

Usually happiest at home or in other controlled environment.

I've been seen as "sensitive" by some, and mocked for crying a lot by others.

I struggled with social aspects of college and have 2 partial degrees.

Often have trouble holding a job and finds employment very daunting.

Slow at comprehending at times due to sensory and cognitive processing issues.

DOES NOT DO WELL WITH VERBAL INSTRUCTIONS; MUST BE WRITTEN DOWN

Special interests (I'll get into these later).

Emotionally immature and emotionally sensitive.

Anxiety and fear are predominant emotions (some of which might be due to possible OCD).

I do have some sensory issues such as visual processing issues at times, certain sounds, certain smells, food I think, and issues with sunlight and my goddamn retinas.

Moody and prone to bouts of depression. Both of my parents as well as my husband have described my personality as reminding them of a cat.

Mild to severe gastro-intestinal difficulties (some of which could be due to endometriosis, btw).

I stim a little such as leg-bouncing, foot-waggling, some hand-flapping, some bouncing, the "spine-shimmy," joint-cracking, or playing with my ears.

Prone to temper or crying meltdowns, sometimes over seemingly small things due to sensory or emotional overload.

Hates injustice and hates being misunderstood, which incites anger and rage.

Prone to mutism when stressed or upset, especially after a meltdown, likely to stutter and may have a raspy voice.

Words and actions often misunderstood by others.

Perceived to be cold-natured and self-centered; unfriendly.

Very outspoken at times, may get very fired up when talking about passionate/obsessive interests.

Will shutdown in social situations once overloaded but generally better at socializing in small doses. May even give the appearance of skilled, but it is a "performance."

Doesn't go out much; will prefer to go out with partner only (aka my husband).

Will not do "girly" things like shopping.

Takes relationships seriously.

There's a bit on this chart (some of you probably already know by know what chart I'm using here) that says due to sensory issues, one would either really enjoy sex or strongly dislike it. I'm in the former camp complete with a pretty high libido.

Often prefers the company of animals.

So there are the traits that REALLY stick out like a sore thumb. These come from a site regarding female Asperger traits or however it's labeled as. I have plenty more from two other articles I printed out with lots of highlighting, but the chart actually sums a lot of the definitive shit quite nicely. At some point in this list, I could tell I went "fuck it" and copied many things word for word anyways since I'll be talking about experiences later in this post.

But it was this chart that I'd discovered that I started to realize that I really am on the spectrum, and to triple check, I asked my mom and my husband if they saw any of this in me. The traits typed in green are ones I wasn't sure of and had to ask them if they saw it. I'm not always aware of how I am, who I am at times, etc. I also didn't want to lie about it, so I had to get second and third opinions.

Despite all of this, only very few people that know me IRL know about me being Autistic. This is because I was heavily bullied growing up and since I haven't exactly left my hometown, I really don't want whoever stayed in the area as well to either have more fuel and re-enter my life that way, or try really hard to relieve their guilty conscience and demand that I forgive them or some shit. I also don't want "Autism Mommies" to come at my ass either asking that I help their kid (I'm not fond of children so that's not happening, plus ableism is what fucks a lot of Autistic people over regarding of age but they won't take that for an answer) or that because they---a neurotypical person---have a child who's Autistic, then that means they know all about it and because I'm not exactly like their child then I can't possibly be Autistic. It's just a whole mountain of shit I don't wanna get into.

This next bit will be split into 2 parts. One will be my special interests, and the other will be my experiences from my past that are prime examples of being Autistic long before anyone in the common public knew what Autism actually was.

My Special Interests (Both Forever & Temporary)

The following list will have my special interests but with indicators in parentheses as to whether they are forever-interests (as in, I never lost interest in the thing) or temporary (meaning, it was short-lived be it by weeks, months, or a few years). This will be in chronological order, meaning: the order of which these have appeared throughout my life.

Barney (temporary; helped me skip preschool and become honor roll student in kindergarten though)

Halloween (forever)

the color orange (forever)

dinosaurs (forever)

Donkey Kong Country esp. for SNES (forever)

animals (forever)

Godzilla movies (forever)

monster movies (forever)

Pokemon (temporary; I still like Pokemon, but it's not as hyperfocused as it used to be)

Digimon (temporary; same situation as with Pokemon)

Dragonball Z (forever)

Sailor Moon (on-and-off)

Ultimate Muscle (Kinnikuman Nisei) (forever)

Freddy vs Jason movie (still like, but the hyperfocus was temporary)

horror movies (forever)

Transformers (temporary)

Dark Knight movie (temporary)

Harley Quinn (temporary)

Lobo (temporary)

X-Men (forever, but only certain universes, mainly the 90s cartoon, and the character is always Hank McCoy)

neon-colored stuff (temporary; kind of some sort of semi-rave/techno phase)

books (forever; this was when I discovered it's "legal" to enjoy books if you "aren't smart"; I may explain this logic I had later in the post)

sex/sexuality/sexology (forever on the first two, temporary on the last one)

BDSM (on-and-off)

feminism (temporary in regards to doing research and educating myself; I still hold the views I've developed as a result, just not obsessively researching this topic anymore)

anarchism (forever)

ecology (forever)

Pleistocene epoch (forever)

goth and punk stuff (forever after discovering what these things are all about for real compared to when I was in high school and had no idea how to ask, who to ask, or where to look this stuff up at in rural Ohio)

Hellblazer (temporary)

Serbian heritage (on-and-off)

bats (temporary)

arachnids (forever)

teratophilia (forever; finally have a word to describe this damn kink)

gardening (current; unsure)

Russian language (current; unsure)

DIY things (forever)

Towards the end, it may not be in the proper order thanks to slowly losing my damn mind being cooped up mostly in my room on this farm since moving back here in 2014. The two that are "current;unsure" are ones I have a hyperfocus in right now, but I don't know if this will be temporary or not. I certainly hope not, especially considering how useful these things will be. And while I have gardening as one of them, I haven't properly begun yet because I get empty promises from my parents where they claim they'd help me, not to worry about it, then get irritated when I ask where the help is and they suddenly can't give me the help when I told them I needed it.

I should also note that I don't exactly have an encyclopedic knowledge in a whole lot of these interests that are forever-interests because I'm normally exhausted just trying to exist with minimal trouble from people. I'm hoping this will change. The things I know I have an almost encyclopedic knowledge in would be Dragonball Z, animals/ecology, and... a-and that's it. That's really it. That's all I've got because Dragonball Z was so profoundly different compared to other cartoons I've watched in the 90s that it was a wonderful escape, and I grew up around animals, taking care of animals, and watching nature documentaries. The stress I went through growing up has caused my memory of some of that wonderful animal knowledge to be lost and what could be re-gained may be easily forgotten again, hence why I need to narrow my focus for what I'd like to be an ecologist for. While I love paleontology, I want to help the living world's ecosystems and environments, too. I'd love to go back to school for this stuff now that I'm more informed of who I am and what I want in life (as opposed to being forced to pick a college major while still in high school while I'm just trying to survive the concept of existence).

In terms of collecting things pertaining to my interests, a common pattern you'll see me have is a very slowly growing Hank McCoy collection. This is largely because there isn't too much stuff made regarding this character. (There also isn't much stuff I can find that involves Piccolo, Cyndaquil, Donkey Kong, giant ground sloths, etc. that isn't already snatched up by other fans.)

Now, I'm going to get into the list of experiences. Some of which will talk about my special interests, but I also really want to talk about my struggles, too.

Experiences That Screamed "I'm Autistic"

In gradeschool, I was friends with someone who probably wasn't actually a friend and her mom made her hang out with me since I didn't really have any friends. She has told me several times that she didn't want to be my friend anymore with some kind of hostile catty smile, but I just.. I wasn't getting it. Because there was a smile. Why say that with a smile? After all we've been through? Then she's back to being my friend the next week. She really wanted to hang out with the popular girls (yes, there were cliques in 90s American gradeschool) and has done countless things to sabotage our friendship such as telling me Barney is a fake, Donkey Kong was a real gorilla who hung himself, etc. And I believed all this shit, too, in an attempt to still be an acceptable friend. She even told me that I couldn't be a witch because I liked toads so much (toads were the only wildlife I excitedly interacted with in my back yard on a regular basis).

I love Halloween for many reasons, but one of them (aside from my favorite color being involved) was the fact that it was acceptable to wear a mask. I love (and still do) the idea of covering my face because I feel less "naked" to the world. So this pandemic had a small plus for me in the form of mask-wearing outside of Halloween has become somewhat more acceptable.

In 5th grade, another classmate who had more obvious Autistic traits and was diagnosed with Asperger's at the time was an asshole to me. They would constantly give me shit and bully me for whatever reason. When I finally took a stand, the teachers on duty at recess called me to the bottom of the hill, forcing me to look at them WITHOUT allowing me to have my hands up to block the sunlight that hurt my eyes, and were able to manipulate me into "admitting picking on so-and-so for no reason" because I chased them around the playground where a group of girls (the same cliquey assholes the former "friend" wanted to mingle with) had to group-carry me away. They're the ones who snitched and they gave me those same hostile smiles. That's when I learned that not all smiles meant good things. I was 10.

I sometimes "lose the ability" to ask for help long before the "help" I ever got in any circumstance was just me being met with frustration by whoever is trying to "help" me or I'm met with "sorry, can't help you there. (The former being with homework or school work, the latter being with going to authorities about bullies.)

Growing up, I was never girly (or girly enough) and I've tried to, but I failed miserably. My special interests would roar through and because it was too odd or different or annoying, it gave other girls fuel for bullying me with.

Regarding the lack of being girly enough, I was at a pool party with the former "friend" mentioned earlier and she started this "game" where she and the other girls would leap into the pool saying, "I love you, Leonardo!" This was in 4th grade and in reference to the Titanic movie, which at that point, I'd never heard of, because I was too pumped for the latest Land Before Time sequel. So when I leapt into the pool, I said, "I love you, Raphael." All the girls were confused, asked who that was. I then asked, "Aren't we playing Ninja Turtles?" Because the only Leonardo I knew of was a fucking Ninja Turtle, goddamnit. Who let you brats watch that shitty romance film anyways? Boring as fuck.

Aside from the occasional weekend visits or sleepovers at the former "friend's" house, I didn't get to socialize much, so I would spend most of my days (especially in the summer) watching what was on TV or watching from our very large VHS collection. During which I would make mental notes on how certain characters acted or what they said and try to remember that to mimic them in a social setting, which would be out of place because I'd be so focused on mainly the dialogue that once it prompts me to say the thing, they don't respond how I expect them to and then I'm at a loss.

I was very ignorant of music and didn't even know the concept of independent or underground bands existed. Plus, rural Ohio is a cultural wasteland. Otherwise, I would've gotten into metal, goth, and punk way earlier in life. So I thought that bands that existed were because television said so.

Speaking of an odd logic... If it was taboo or bad to talk about, I thought it was illegal. Thus, I thought any knowledge about sex was illegal and that it was supposed to happen "naturally."

I also thought that, because I wasn't considered as smart by my peers, some teachers, and even as such in the form of an insult from my parents from time to time (despite what they claim NOW), that also meant I wasn't allowed to enjoy books, because only smart people are allowed to enjoy reading. So therefore, it would be illegal for me, a not-smart person, to enjoy reading a book. So I had to focus on the pictures because if I enjoyed reading, somehow everyone would know and then I'd get into trouble.

I also thought it was illegal to talk about periods.

I socially struggled BADLY when I got to middle school because my brain was like... 4 years behind? How the fuck do people know all these bigger words? Or complex issues? This was also when I had to start suppressing ALL urges to cry because at that age, I'm not "supposed" to cry over everything. So I still, to this day, suppress it to the point of guaranteeing inducing a headache. Because I've always caught shit for crying.

Middle school was when I met an oppressive "friend" who was obsessed with me because she had a crush on me and was rather controlling of who I could and couldn't talk to and got pissy if I got close to making a new friend. Because I was desperate for a friend that wasn't like the former "friend," I allowed this abuse into my life.

High school was me just trying to survive. By the time I got home, I was too mentally exhausted to enjoy anything short of watching TV or whatever was rented from Blockbuster.

My brain was still feeling like it was years behind, and I struggled to keep up with whatever was supposed to be something I knew about, including the concept of masturbation.

Like I said earlier, anything sex-related might've been illegal to talk about, and because masturbation was still kinda taboo, I feared I'd get in trouble, but my teenage hormones compelled me to do it a LOT. It consumed my free time almost like an escape, a form of stimming, but I was shameful of it to the point of suicidal thoughts.

The former bullet was due to being raised in a christian household. My parents didn't have such views on sex like this, but I was afraid of being in trouble for asking, took to the internet, and caught some misinfo about how immoral it was. I mourned I'd be going to hell.

Speaking of religion, I thought it was illegal to change your religious beliefs, and there was only Judiasm, Muslim, and Buddhism outside of christianity (I'm Pagan, now).

While I was excited to get away from my parents presumably for good after high school, college was a new form of hell. The sudden, dramatic change in environment and lack of ANY preparation for living like an adult on my own caused me to mentally/socially/emotionally malfunction. I had outbursts I desperately tried to suppress, I felt stupid because everybody sounded smarter than me, I didn't actually want to go to art school but wasn't smart enough for anything else and never really bothered to better my artistic skills and thus felt like I shouldn't be there anyways, I struggled to fit in better, I had no idea how to function that certain habits such as neglect of my own dishes on my desk developed because I LITERALLY COULD NOT SEE MY OWN MESSES DUE TO THE STRESS I WAS EXPERIENCING. This was 3 or 4 long YEARS of this.

Attending art classes mostly run by very demanding (and demeaning) teachers while my art skills weren't up to par added to this stress on top of me not actually wanting to be THERE in the first place, just away from my parents.

I nearly ruined a friendship with a roommate because of my struggles. I'm not even sure if she is aware of my Autism because I'm afraid to approach her about it for some reason.

Plenty of times throughout my life where I'm loud and don't even realize it.

I've info-dumped on my parents, but right now they half or completely ignore me.

I've tried making eye contact, but it's like staring in the sun not in the sense of pain, but in the sense of by natural reaction looking away. When I force myself to make eye contact, I'm spending so much focus and effort into doing that to the point where I am unable to pay attention to what the person is saying. Instead, I stare at the mouth so I make sure I hear correctly the words they're telling me.

Each time someone is mad at me and gives me the silent treatment, and I inquire what I did to piss them off, they get madder because I'm somehow supposed to immediately know when I fucking don't. Then, half the time, they continue not telling me and I have to hear it from someone else. This further confuses me as to why they don't just simply fucking tell me.

I've annoyed people to listening to the same one or few songs over and over again. A lot (currently obsessed with the Sunset Overdrive and Tank Girl movie soundtracks).

I can "smell" the heat outside on a summer day.

I can smell other people's unique scents sometimes (especially when in someone's house; also experienced this in other people's dorms).

I can't remember what grade this was, but in high school, we went to some kind of space camp facility thing, and our class was split into two groups: one group was the group who was on Mars and ready to come home, the other was on Earth and can't wait to go to Mars. I was in the former group. My job in this little fun display interactive room thing was to examine the isotopes and report... uh.. I can't remember.. Report something that was off. Everyone else was dicking around with what they're supposed to do, and I was actually doing my job, and then said something, like I was supposed to, if I found something that was off (I don't remember the specifics). When the scientist who worked at the facility praised me on "saving the crew," I caught this look from the entire class a look I can't quite describe other than they didn't seem to like the fact that I did a good thing and was being praised for it instead of any of them (or they were shocked that a "dumb girl" like me could achieve this and get praise for it, I don't know.. hard to tell). This was a science class field trip, but despite this, I didn't have an interest in space, and still didn't feel I was smart. (Come to think of it, I think this was actually an 8th grade field trip, I can't remember.)

Just discovered this today: I'm actually very easily overwhelmed that could trigger a meltdown when I wake up. I don't know for how long until that point passes, either. But this could also be explained with how I've reacted to certain alarm clocks (the ones with the bells just induce pure rage in me). Either I will be on the verge of a meltdown or I'll have a fucking headache all day. Normally, I just wanna drink my coffee and either read or practice a little on Duolingo.

I don't always have enough room for a lot of info in my head for things that I like, so I have to carefully narrow shit down. Right now, I'm trying to figure out what to do about my urge to get my hands on some monster movies while making sure nothing else I've retained info for wanes. Not sure if this is due to stress or what. But apparently I have designated compartments for certain categories in my brain. If I get into monster movies, continue to work on my knwoledge on ecology and paleontology, and gain more knowledge about arachnids, that shouldn't impede on the "language" category, so whatever I learn in Russian will remain safe.

Interest "Webs."

I have what I'd like to call an "interest web." My special interests in one thing can lead me to having an interest in another. I care about nature, and I also care about paleontology. Paleoecology is something I'd like to dip my toes into. But because this all involves nature, I have an interest in botany (though it's still intimidating so I'm sticking with local native trees) and arachnids (after conquering my fears and learning more about them). So the web stops at arachnids there (no pun intended).

Back to ecology and paleoecology...

I have a major interest in the Pleistocene because it was just before we humans started writing shit down. Hints of that era echoes within our current environment, from the pronghorn being "unnecessarily" fast (due to miracynonyx, the "American cheetah," which is now an extinct cat) to avocados not seeding like they should without human assistance as well as the yucca trees (Joshua trees) going into retreat thanks to the absence of giant ground sloths.

But the planet is warming, and we could use all the help from plants that we get, especially when it comes to making sure that permafrost stays frozen. So there's this "Pleistocene Park" project taking place in Russia, and one day, if I get into the field of paleontology, I may want to chat with those involved in that project, but one can't expect every other country to know English.

There's also FROZEN PLEISTOCENE MEGAFAUNA CARCASSES BEING FOUND IN PERMAFROST, too.

On top of all of this, Russia's northern lands will become habitable for humans if shit hits the fan and the planet's mostly fucked, so it's still nice to know the language.

See how all of these interests intertwine? (It also helps that since I am of Serbian heritage but can't find accessible resources to learn the language and I wanna know a Slavic language that Russian is kind of accessible. It also seems to be the only Slavic language "commonly" found in colleges when it comes to foreign language courses.) This is why I call them "interest webs." Not sure if other Autistic people have them, but it's something that I have.

The second one could simply involve Halloween, punk, goth, monsters, and teratophilia with Halloween being the gateway because my favorite color is orange.

Just thought this would be a fun thing to touch on real quick.

My Sensory Traits

I do experience some sensory traits, but they're not intense like some people would assume (unless I'm simply not noticing how intense they can be).

I can "smell" the summer heat, which was something I thought everybody else experienced but I'm wrong.

My retinas hurt in bright sunlight despite not looking anywhere near the sun, which I also thought everybody else experienced.

Drinks taste different or off in some way if they're not in a particular mug, glass, etc. that the drink is supposed to be in. (I have certain mugs that I enjoy my coffee in, but the other mugs? They taste off. I can't explain why. I have ONLY TWO acceptable little tumbler glasses for orange juice.)

Breakfast food does not taste like breakfast food unless it's on this one specific plate from my childhood.

Dinner can be iffy on certain plates, but the safest go-to is the knock-off blue willow plates.

Lunch is acceptable on anything, but if I'm having simply a sandwich, it must be on a small plate.

I have specific forks I'd prefer to use because of how they feel in my hand, how the food-part feels in my mouth, and how the fork itself tastes.

Gotta have cinnamon in my coffee. I just do. It's not coffee without it.

I cannot fucking handle hair snippets of any size for any reason on my body. This is why there is a rigid procedure to where my husband must buzz my hair over a paper-towel-covered sink (to avoid clogging the drain) while wearing a particular tanktop Harley Quinn night shirt, and then I must shower immediately afterwards. During the haircut, my skin itches like mad like I'm being poked by the hairs directly even in places where hair snippets have never, ever gone.

I'm overly sensitive to the cold to the point of pain, especially in my fingers and toes.

Also cannot brush teeth with cold water because it's so painful (this was LONG before I had dental issues and persists to this day). Even my tongue hurts from it.

I'm picky as fuck with candy. Trick-or-treating was sometimes difficult because all I cared about was either orange-flavored stuff, or chocolate. Only specific chocolates, too (Krackle, Mr. Goodbar, Crunch, Butterfinger, Reese's, that was it.) Skittles were okay, but a lot of the baggies I got had a LOT the red ones and the red ones suck. Can't stand the other candies. (But my tastes have changed since then, and I opt for European chocolate from Aldi's as they are far superior, especially Moser Roth's 70% dark chocolate and Choceur's coffee and cream chocolate.)

Speaking of candy, the Whopper's Robin's Eggs tasted better than regular Whoppers and I will never be able to explain why.

Despite loving orange flavored stuff, I have trust issues when I see an unlabeled orange candy because there's the dangerous chance it could be fucking peach flavored. *gag* (I like real peaches, but the artificial flavored ones suck balls.) Due to my dental situation, I cannot enjoy very much in a way of candy, and the only artificial orange flavoring I CAN enjoy is through Vitamin D gummies... And even then, EVEN THEN I have to worry about the fucking peach flavors if I have to go with a different brand because we can't get our hands on a bottle from Simple Truth.

Artificial cherry flavoring is death.

The ONLY flavored medicine that was acceptable to me was orange (of course) and those dissolving strips that were grape-flavored that they don't fucking make anymore because fuck me that's why. Everything else was peer-pressured to do shots kiddie edition.

The different colored coatings on M&M's taste different from one another and I cannot explain why. It's very subtle, hardly noticeable, BUT I CAN TELL.

Peanutbutter is fucking amazing.

The smell of peanutbutter is fucking not.

There are these frozen meals my husband gets for days he doesn't have energy to cook and one of them (all from the same brand) smells like fucking hell.

My husband's Nissan Cup Noodle ramen overpowers my incense despite what other household members say.

I love incense, especially dragonsblood, "coffee time," pumpkin spice, raven, and rain.

All of the autumn scents or scents associated with autumn are orgasmic to me.

The smell of artificial cherry is death.

I would love to have perfume or body spray of Play-Doh.

I can compare smells of some places to others, such as the library branch I frequent smells like my gradeschool, as do SOME of their books' pages, and when my husband and I walked through this hall-like tunnel-like storefront in downtown Pittsburgh, I said it smelled like my grandma's basement, and he thought the same, so we're in aggreeance that all grandma's basements smell the same. Except for my Baba and Deda's. Their basement smelled like they actually still enjoy life and had their shit together.

Speaking of gradeschool smells, my gradeschool had two directions of classrooms, one led towards the gym, but the hall off to the side was carpeted, had some nice colors, and held 2 kindergarten classes and 2 first grade classes. That section of the building had its distinctive smells. The other direction led to the office, the cafeteria, and the hall with the 2 classes of grades 2 through 5 plus the preschool and the art/music class was. The smell was different in all classes EXCEPT for the music/art class, and I never went to preschool so I wouldn't know what that smells like.

ALL PRINCIPLE OFFICES SMELL THE SAME. HOW.

I could smell when my husband accidentally put in cinnamon when he thought he grabbed paprika in a dish that I liked. He was terrified of telling me. That was a happy accident and it became a permanent ingredient. He was mortified and shocked that I could smell his whoopsie in my dinner he made me.

I can also smell the cinnamon they use in Little Caeser's pizza crust. Yes. They use cinnamon. But I was the only one to notice.

Honey is like peanutbutter: it tastes amazing. But holy shit fuck that smell.

Gas stations smell like death, sadness, and questioning life's choices.

No two people's car interiors smell alike.

I can smell when it will rain soon, especially if it's about to storm.

I'm the one who noticed that hairy white oldfield asters smell like cake batter.

Dominant yellow filling my entire vision can be sometimes painful.

I used to be able to "hear" the color yellow in my head so much I thought yellow actually made a noise. It was a particular shade of yellow, and it made this Playskool toy-like clicking bell ringing noise, but really obnoxiously, almost painfully. I don't know how to describe the shade other than "cloudy pastel lemon?" It looked like the fucking lemon-flavored medicine I had to take as a kid.

My parents tried mixing in this cherry flavored death medicine in with my orange soda thinking I wouldn't know the difference but I did, so I dumped it down the drain and opened a new can because that can of Big K orange was fucking ruined.

Orange is wonderful to my eyes. But it's a hard color for me to find when it comes to getting things in a particular color. My back-up colors are red, green, and purple.

The sunlight hurts my retinas, even when I'm not looking at the sky at all, but the pain intensity increases the further I look up on a sunny summer day. This has been like this since childhood. Prescriptive sunglasses shouldn't be fucking expensive and should be covered by healthcare insurance.

I have to try really FUCKING hard not to stare at someone's muscles in person because ugh... Good thing I rarely see anybody who's well-built. (No really, this isn't even really a sexual thing, I'm so fucking fascinated and once I realize "oh, so that particular muscle looks like that from that angle", I get a glimmer of hope that I MIGHT be able to draw something humanoid since I suck at drawing people.)

Orange trees as so pleasing to the eye, and these are much more socially acceptable to stare at, lest I'm in person and the property owner might think I'm plotting to steal some (luckily I've never been anywhere near a place that grows orange trees).

Neon lights are amazing and I want them to come the fuck back. I swear, stores were so much more enjoyable of an environment when they were common. Such lights improve my mood in a way I cannot describe. I'm no longer in a hurry to get home if I am in the presence of neon lights.

Sunny days during winter are painful because the sunlight reflects off the snow. I'm painfully blinded if I look outside or go anywhere.

I cannot handle the sight of someone having boogers/snot hanging from their nose, not the sight of someone vomiting, nor the sight of an syringe needle piercing flesh.

I cannot handle the sound of alarm clock bells. I have woken up in a rage and been in a bad mood I try so hard to suppress for a good portion of the day. If I hear an alarm clock bell now these days, I wanna take it and chuck it across the room regardless the time of day or if I'm already awake. It's not so bad if I hear it from a video. In person? That's starting a war with me.

Children crying or screaming (especially babies) are almost painful to me and triggers my fight-or-flight response.

The reason why I was the loudest mellophone player in marching band was to drown out hearing the fucking trumpets. And I did; I was louder than the trumpets. (I quit marching band my sophomore year but for different reasons.)

Much of the music from the 80s that gave it that sound that definitely said it's from the 80s is very pleasing to my ears.

I love punk music for its messages, lyrics, and energy, but goth always puts me into a headspace where I feel like I'm at home; I'm at peace and want to cuddle the monster under my bed.

However, some punk songs can hit deep or strong and live rent-free in my head, such as Anti-Flag's "Racist," Bikini Kill's "Rebel Girl," and Skarpretter's "Nazi Scum."

One particular artist's voice I cannot get over because his is the first voice of any kind that makes me wanna fan myself is Peter Steele of Type O Negative. My favorite song, however, is "All Hallow's Eve" because his voice, the subject, and the lyrical content.

I'm able to hear something off in the oscillating fan my husband likes to use before he notices it.

I'm the one who can hear coyotes at night (doesn't help my mom wants to blast westerns to drown out the world and I'm back here in my room away from that shit though).

I can hear the branches scraping against the house, gently making creepy noises before I realize what the fuck it is, BUT NOBODY ELSE HEARS IT.

I can recognize the call of a robin because we had so many at the house I grew up in, and nobody else in this family fucking noticed.

I tend to notice the sound of the rain over all the house noise first.

I don't like tight clothing, which is why I prefer bralettes because my tits hurt.

If I could, I'd go without the bra because the band can sometimes suddenly feel tighter than it actually is, but because I have large nipples, I kinda need that bra for a bit of protection.

Shorts can be tight around the crotch, hip joins, and lower belly region, and that's a big no-no for me.

I'd prefer baggy pants, honestly.

Can't have tight footwear. No.

The seam at the top of socks or tights hurt my pinky toes if the whole sock/tights shift that way.

I already covered the hair snippet thing so since this is the sense of touch, another body hair thing is I kinda don't wanna shave my pits anymore because they are extremely itchy when they grow back. HAVE to shave my crotch because if I don't it gets horribly itchy, and my thick, fast-growing hair weaves into underwear, gets caught in pads, etc.

Ah yes. Pads. I hate them, but they're far more acceptable than a tampon or a cup because I have vaginismus.

Certain fabric textures are itchy as hell. There's a black shirt I have whose collar and cuffs are gorgeous but I have to wear something underneath to avoid feeling itchy.

Winter is hell for me here in the midwest, as I am very susceptible to the cold to the point of pain, especially in my fingers and toes. I become very slow, too. I feel like I can't get warm enough most of the time.

Air conditioned places in the summer feel almost similar, so I don't always wear shorts if I'm expected to go into, say, a Walmart with my husband to pick up everything. I'll shiver.

(We're gonna get into TMI territory here.) Can't masturbate by hand unless I've got a nitrile glove on because my brain only focuses on what my fingers are touching more than what my cunt feels.

Can't have any sex with my husband without anything brighter than low-light because things can be visually distracting in the room, or lights can suddenly feel way too bright to me. (Halloween string lights or those LED rope lights with adjustable brightness features and colors are excellent for this situation.)

In Conclusion

This is all that I've figured out so far. None of this hit me at once as a realization when I figured out that I'm Autistic. This took a while to realize it, and the realizations were mostly at random times through examples of other people experiencing it on the internet or through me going, "Huh, is that an Autistic trait?"

There may be even more that I'm currently unaware of or have forgotten to type here.

I apologize for how extremely lengthy this was. This took all day to type because of having to get up and do other things that needed to be done. One of the reasons why I really wanted to type this is because it's much easier to organize this on a computer, and I am absolutely shit at organizing files on my computer.

Unfortunately, while my husband is wonderful in supporting me, my parents aren't exactly all that great at it. Especially my dad, who is either vaguely dismissive or outright "forgets" that I'm Autistic (he honestly just... doesn't care, and tries to make things convenient for him at the expense of others most of the time). My mom... I'm not real sure. There are times where she seems to remember and others where she doesn't. I'm honestly wondering if they don't like knowing that I'm Autistic because that means my brother would have been as his traits were far more obvious than mine.

I hope that whoever is questioning whether or not they're Autistic has found this helpful at least in the sense that it would point you in the right direction on where to go next, but I would highly recommend checking out online Autistic communities, as that's where I've discovered that I'm on the spectrum.

[mrs-hatake]

900 followers prompt list!!

We just hit 900 followers on this blog and I’m honestly so speechless! Thank you everyone for loving and supporting this blog ❤️

In celebration, I decided to make a prompt list for all of you authors and inspiring authors to help you write wether you’re on a writer’s block or aren’t sure what to write exactly. I will track this via aizawakashi prompts.

So, without further ado, here’s the prompt list!

All fandom:

- You return home after a long day at work and your character interest showers you in kisses and pampers you the whole day with your favorite food and cuddles with you watching your favorite movie.

- Day at the beach! You and your character interest head to the beach for the weekend to relax and flee from the hectic city life. 

- 7 minutes in heaven!! Bored with nothing to do, you recommend playing 7 minutes in heaven with your (multi) character interest. 

- Surprising your husband at work by bringing them their lunch or desserts because you know they’ve been working very hard lately and you just want to cheer them up.

- Masquerade ball au! You are invited to a masquerade ball. Alone and nervous, a handsome and mysterious man offers to dance with you. You are charmed by him and slowly start to crush on him. You were to kiss but suddenly, the clock stuck midnight and he vanishes. Disappointed, you look for him everywhere for months. And when you find him, you discover that he was a [insert favorite mythical creature] and offers you to join him for all of eternity.

- Meeting your parents au! After being together for a long time, it was finally time to introduce your boyfriend to your family. You were anxious that they wouldn’t get along but were surprised when they did! Later that night, your mother pulls you to the side and said that she thinks he would be the perfect husband.

- Haunted house au! Queue the funny montage scenes. Lots of hand holding and hiding behind each other. 

Naruto:

- You challenge your crush Naruto to a ramen eating contest. Kiba and Shikamaru bet that Naruto would win while Sai, ino and Sakura bet their money on you. The winner is up to you. 

- Kakashi cries after spending an hour teaching his son new words. Worried, you rush to the room only to find your son giggling at his dad while Kakashi is in a state of crying and laughing. Concerned, you asked your husband if he was okay. He replied that his son just kept making mistakes and it was the cutest thing ever and Kakashi didn’t know how to deal with such cuteness.

- Wanting to help Neji with his rebellious phase, you give him an all goth/emo makeover. Piercings, tattoos, ripped jeans, the whole work. You teach him to have fun and let loose. Hiashi is angry, forbids him from seeing you but Neji stands up for himself, fights for you and for his freedom. Hiashi reconsiders.

- While on watch on a mission, Sai couldn’t sleep and was entranced by your beauty so he decided to do a quick sketch of you while you watched over your team as they slept, not knowing that Sai was awake. 

- Kakashi introduces you to his dogs and waits for their approval. You take this very seriously as you want to impress them because they were his family.

- Seducing Shikamaru while dancing at the club. You two have been flirting for a while, making empty promises of showing each other a good time. After a long mission where the sexual tension between you was high, you finally decided to do something about it. 

- Cooking date with Itachi! You help Itachi cook dinner with him and it’s so soft and very cute. You both have a great time and you become so emotional seeing how happy and relaxed Itachi was being. 

- Hidan is a guitarist from this new rock band, Akastuki. You have a huge crush on him and one day, you bump into him as he was running away from his rabid fans so you help him escape and hide into this small local cafe that barely had any customers. 

One Piece:

- Law was being grumpy because the straw hats decided to stop at a winter island. His and Luffy’s crew were all having fun building snowmen, igloos and making snow angels. You wanted him to join and have fun for once so you took a handful of snow and hit Law straight in the face. A snowball fight commences.  

- Zoro gets separated from the straw hats while at a tropical island and wanders off to a small village deep in the forest. He finds you, the village dancer, and is hypnotized by the sway of your body and the teasing gleam in your eyes. He was enjoying himself when, suddenly, criminals raided your village and as he came to your rescue, he was surprised to know that you were strong and were a skilled [insert weapon talent here] and was very impressed...and turned on.

- A beautiful girl joins the straw hats and, for once, Sanji wasn’t attracted. He doesn’t flirt with her, doesn’t call her any terms of endearments and won’t even glance her way. You two would constantly fight and argue and everyone has had enough of your shirt. The straw hats lock you up in a room until you work things out. You were surprised that Sanji treated you this way because he had never had a serious crush on someone and didn’t know how to process his emotions. 

- Ace meets Tama’s older sister while at Wano. He was drawn to your kindness and dedication to restore your village. A short romance affair  between you began, and he offered you to join Whitebeard but refused because you had to take care of your sister. You were devastated when Luffy told you what happened to Ace.

- Luffy falls in love with a female chef. He was so in love with your cooking that he said your food was better than Sanji. Queue a cooking battle between you and the blonde chef. Luffy was the judge and  you both worked very hard to impress the judge. Of course, Luffy being Luffy declares the both of you as winners. You and Sanji become best friends.

My Hero Academia:

- Aizawa runs into his college ex-girlfriend and was baffled to see her working with the League of Villains, and worse, is Dabi’s girlfriend. He blames himself and doesn’t know if he can fight you or not since he still had feelings for you. Their reason for their break up is up to you. 

- Dabi is infatuated with a fiery quirkless civilian who wouldn’t take anyone’s shit. She doesn’t really care about the whole hero vs villain thing and Dabi is just interested in her mindset and philosophy. The two work together and reader offers him a place to stay and heal his wounds after encountering heroes. 

- While working with LoV, Hawks is drawn to villain reader who has a quirk similar to poison ivy who is also working as a double spy against the superheroes. The two team up and they’re the strongest, most feared team anyone has ever encountered. 

- Reader is Overhaul’s childhood best friend and own personal nurse. She is just as ruthless and evil as Overhaul but something in Eri’s eyes and gentle aura softens her up. She struggles between helping Eri and being loyal to Overhaul.

- Aizawa’s mom has been nagging for him to get married for almost ten years now. she wasn’t getting any younger and wanted grandkids as soon as possible. Understanding his friend’s stress and frustration, Hizashi comes up with a plan of getting Aizawa into a fake relationship with reader who works as a support teacher. Queue awkward encounters, kissing in front of Aizawa’s mom and Aizawa retelling the story of how the two of you started dating. 

- Dabi wonders what’s it like to be a civilian and live a normal life. He hides his scars with make up and cleans up his looks to blend in with society and live a normal life. During his experiment, he meets reader with a low rank ice quirk who works at an ice cream parlor. No one knows of his double life and frankly, Dabi doesn’t know if he wants to return back to being a villain, especially when he started developing feelings for the reader.   

[a-simple-complexity]

South Park Headcanons I'm Using For My Aged-Up (Obviously) Fic

- By the time highschool rolls around Christophe and Gregory become kinda like Michaels group in Burn Notice. You want a job done? With a little cash or a promise of something they'll get it done. Bebe and Wendy (primarily Wendy) are in on it too every once in a while. They also have another foreign kid, a Ukrainian chick who's always getting called a Russian by Cartman (she has kicked his ass for that)

- The Ukrainian chick, Yeva "Eve" Lauren, recently moved to South Park with her mother and her mother's husband (they're only married so Yeva and her mother can stay in America). Her mother was a gun runner back in the day and has been teaching Yeva everything. Naturally, she's been around it all her life and thinks it's normal for a 16-17 year old to own a 10mm named Dimitri and an AK-47 named Mulligan. She also has two Quaker parrots named Mike and Fi (yes that's a reference to a reference). More about her later.

- Also Christophe knows how to dance. Gregory taught him when they were about 12 or 13. This plays a very adorable role in the fic.

- The goths are still The Goths and the only color they wear besides black, red, and (rarely) white is gothic pink. Its rare and they don't wear much of it but they do wear it. A group of kids who believe themselves to be werewolves have their back and are loyal to them just as dog is to mankind. Cartman called them furries and they brought up the coon. Cartman no longer calls them furries.

- Damien's back! He has an emotional support hellhound that takes the shape of a corgi named Bones. Being the Dark Prince with a short temper caused his dad to eventually get him a support hound so he could at least make it through school. At first he didn't really want the dog seeing as, "That's something MORTALS do!"....he watched a dog show and got obsessed and now his whole life revolves around Bones the hell-corgi. The dog is immortal just as he is and has a tendency to morph into the creepiest fucking hound you ever did see. Still looks corgi-ish in this state tho. He and Pip are together.

- Garrison had another identity crisis and now identifies as Nonbinary. They are proud of who they are and it's caused a few kids to come out (at school at least). They has a few pride flags around the class room and Mr. Slave is very supportive.

- Chef isn't dead (bc I said so).

- Cartman still doesn't understand girls. Which kicks off the entire story. Hey! As long as the Christophe, Gregory, and Yeva are getting paid they really don't give a fuck. This of course spirals from him not understanding girls to, of course, getting very out of hand bc of him stealing something very priceless from Bebe.

[sinnhelmingr]

what your favorite hel ship says about you.

helpheus: either you have depression, or you get high on narrative foils

helion: you believe only the pure, unsullied power of a himbo can save this world

gabrihel: it’s t4t or nothing for you, and you’re absolutely right

helanna: nothing is sexier to you than the wit and sensuality of a pre-victorian adventure story

hel/peggy: you haven’t yet run out of tears despite your fleet of tragic historical romances 

heldyn: you don’t see the point of immortal love if it’s not standing by the worst of one another as well as the best.

jonleah: you think the best way to help a broken character is to find someone whose own shards slot perfectly against theirs 

michaeleah: you love 20th century period dramas and opposites attract 

timleah: you want a goth domme gf 

helsem: you shipped bulma and vegeta really hard as a kid 

heldolin: you believe that the greater the happiness the deeper the suffering will be, and thus the emotional payoff in a tragedy 

helqua: you think the classic lady and knight motif would be vastly improved if it were gay 

helpitch: you believe for every dilf there is a milf 

vichel: you are more interested in the domestic life of the heroes than their actual adventures 

helmand: you go feral for unrequited pining. you probably also have wife husbandry (husband husbandry?) as a guilty pleasure trope

helira: you think the greatest trope ever conceived is 'my best friend's brother is hot' 

helstat: you are using this ship as a substitute for the fem!louis movie that never came to be 

hel/creature: you have written entire treatises about classic literature

helsire: you were so caught up in the euphoria of a slap slap kiss dynamic that you never stopped to consider the merits of friends to lovers

heltious: you're enamored with the idea of the nerd bagging the prom queen at the end of a teen movie

heltioustor: same as above, but you think it'd be even better if he got the comic relief sidekick too.

helxene: you think when one kid bullies another, it means they have a crush

helrogue: you love accents

helrouxls: nothing excites you like the prospect of found family co-parenting shenanigans in fiction

kalhel: you passionately believe love, not war, will change this world

helan: you love second love narratives and believe mature love is where it’s at

xehel: same as above, but you’re also into 60+ year old men

helxu: you’ve never let go of a first love wins childhood friends narrative, and you are not about to start now

megraven: you are really into revisionist red riding hood stories where red and the wolf are lovers

helban: nothing is sexier to you than mutual healing and support, because you want only good things for them, and honestly, who doesn’t

artohel: your ao3 likes have an entire subsection dedicated to ‘first time’ fics 

helzodd: you only want good things for zodd, and honestly, who doesn’t 

helsca: you think beauty and the beast could be vastly improved if it was gay 

zoddhelsca: you think the surest fix for what ails casca is to be consumed by the beast that loves her rather than the beast that hated another

helfor: you have the patience of a saint and believe the ending is more important than the path to it

heleto: the way you see it, a lasting dynamic is built upon shenanigans above all else

[stardew-berries]

Shane

That’s my emotional support husband that’s just as if not more distraught than I am

Shane is a comfort character I adore him I like seeing him get the strength to get help just dhdjsksoodosodoso I love him very good character I like him a lot,,

Also like the fact that he’s like goth and jock?? We love that?? Very good I love just ahhh im gonna cut the post short I’ll just go in circles

[365days365movies]

February 7, 2021: Emma. (2020)

Another late one, people! Tomorrow might be a bit later, too, full warning. Like I said, school’s back in session, and I got students to teach and class to prepare!

When I was a kid, I was a pretty avid reader, mostly due to my mom’s drive to get me to be an avid reader. I read Shakespeare from an early age, which might be why I like it so much, and why I remember it so well. 

I also read Jane Austen’s Emma when I was 10 years old. On a related note, I remember none of Jane Austen’s Emma. On another related note, I’m fairly certain that I saw its most famous adaptation, Clueless, and I don’t remember that either.

I’m tempted to rewatch that one, since I don’t remember it AT ALL, but I figure that I’m going to place a more direct adaptation of the work first on my list of priorities. And so, one of the ONLY movies to come out last year is one my list, starring an up-and-coming “it girl,” Anya Taylor-Joy.

From what I can tell, this is a fairly popular movie on this platform, so I’m looking forward to watching it, despite knowing NOTHING about it, other than the fact that it’s a romance drama, and based off of a classic British novel by Jane Austen. Shall we? SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

Emma Woodhouse (Anya Taylor-Joy) lives in the 1815 English countryside, with her father, Mr. Woodhouse (Bill Nighy), and her caretaker, Mrs. Taylor (Gemma Whelan). However, this is about to change, as she is to marry Mr. Weston (Rupert Graves) that day.

Emma is a sweet girl, who seems to be ale to predict things to pass. She also set up the present marriage, although she seems not to want one for herself. However, she also seems interested in the whereabouts of Mr. Taylor’s son, Frank. He never shows up, though.

Meanwhile, the Woodhouses are visited by George Knightley (Johnny Flynn), whom her father favors, and whom Emma seems to clash with. And Imma call it now: they totally end up together in the end. I mean, c’mon.

Emma’s trying to replace Mrs. Weston nee Taylor as a governness, despite the fact that her father doesn’t want it. Emma finds Harriet Smith (Mia Goth), a young women whom she goes to school with, and apparently might be the illegitimate daughter of a nobleman. She’s also interested in setting Harriet up, as Emma prides her skills as a matchmaker.

However, Harriet’s already interested in a local farmer, Robert Martin (Connor Swindels), but Emma’s trying to set her up with a local vicar, Elton (Josh O’Connor). They go to meet Mrs. Weston, and Emma introduces herself to Elton, who she believes likes her in return.

The next day, Emma and Harriet go to the store, where the gossipy busybody Miss Bates (Miranda Hart) comes to speak with the VERY unwilling Emma, and the considerably more interested Harriet. Miss Bates is speaking up her niece, Jane, although Emma certainly doesn’t seen to care nearly as much as Miss Bates thinks she does.

On the way home, Harriet and Emma encounter Robert Martin, and Emma's definitely not a fan of that potential relationship. Instead, she regularly puts down Mr. Martin, and talks up Vicar Elton.

As Elton and Harriet begin getting closer, and Emma seems to be vindicated in support of the relationship she set up, Knightley’s...not impressed. In a conversation with Mrs. Weston, he basically says that she gets high on flattery, and while she isn’t necessarily a true narcissist, she still NEEDS approval from her peers and others. That’s why she’s setting up Harriet, who feeds her constant flattery.

In addition, her whole “never going to get married” thing doesn’t seem to fly with George, here, who’d like her to fall in love with someone who isn’t...well, a simp, let’s be honest here. And honestly, this is already an interesting character dissection, and I can dig it.

Knightley complicates matters for Emma, when he convinces Martin to write a letter, asking for Harriet’s hand in marriage. However, due to Emma’s subtle manipulations, she convinces Harriet to refuse the proposal, despite the fact that she clearly wants to say yes. And while Emma might be beautiful, and quite smart...yeah, she’s a bitch. Or, at the very least, she acts like one for her own benefit.

Knightley, pissed off about this whole thing, confronts Emma about her manipulations, and states that Martin might be the ideal match for Harriet. After calling her out, and warning her that Elton miiiiiiight be a bit of a ladies’ man, and that he’s certainly the wrong match for Harriet in the end. Emma admits that she mostly wants to keep Harriet for herself.

Autumn turns to Winter, and Emma’s older sister Isabella Knightley (Chloe Pirrie), and her husband John Knightley (Oliver Chris) (and George’s younger brother) come to visit Emma and her father for the holidays. George and Emma make amends, although Emma still won’t admit that she may have been wrong.

Christmas Day comes, and Harriet is sick, while Frank Churchill once again neglects to appear at the house of his father and new wife. George berates his neglect of his familial duties, while Emma argues in his favor, obviously harboring a crush on him still.

At dinner, Elton makes a remark about snow, causing LITERALLY EVERYBODY to leave the party prematurely, and Emma’s father accidentally leaves her behind. Elton, however, offers to give her a ride in his carriage. And in the carriage, he reveals that not only does he actually love Emma, but that he doesn’t care for Harriet at fucking ALL. Fuckin’ WHOOF.

Looks like Elton’s misread EVERY POSSIBLE SIGNAL, and Emma FUCKED UP SOMETHING FIERCE. Harriet is quite saddened by this, and is about to destroy a portrait of herself that Emma made for her. However, Emma instead keeps it. Elton disappears for a number of weeks, just as the niece of Miss Bates, Jane Fairfax (Amber Anderson) suddenly reappears.

At dinner, it’s revealed that Jane appears to know Frank Churchill, as they live in the same place. During a piano performance of Jane’s that’s WAY BETTER than Emma’s performance, it’s also revealed that Emma’s been compared to her all of her life, giving her some fat, fat insecurities!

After an awkward encounter with Mr. Martin, Harriet goes to the Martin household to visit his sisters. Meanwhile, the long-awaited arrival of Frank Churchill (Callum Turner) comes, and Emma is unsurprisingly smitten with him. He asks her for a dance at an upcoming dinner, and she accepts.

Knightley is, of course, not impressed with the worldly gentleman. Meanwhile, someone has apparently delivered a pianoforte to Jane Fairfax, and it’s pretty goddamn obvious that it was Frank Churchill. Although, it’s possible that it was George Knightley, who’s been matched to her by Mrs. Weston.

And it’s at this point that I should point out that GODDAMN THIS IS A SOAP-OPERA OF A MOVIE. The hyper-detailed intentions and events, all happening within the confines of high society and etiquette are both overly intricate, while also managing to be...weirdly enrapturing.

The next morning, after a six-week absence, Elton’s come back to town with brand new wife, Augusta Elton (Tanya Reynolds) in tow. Augusta matches Emma’s passive-aggressiveness measure-for-goddamn-measure, which, yeah, PISSES EMMA OFF.

But it’s still good news on the horizon, as Frank’s appearance has prompted the Westons to hold a ball. While Emma and Frank seem to be getting along, Elton is prevented to opportunity to dance with Harriet, only to refuse LIKE AN ABSOLUTE TAINT. On the verge of tears, Harriet’s rescued by George, and they dance alongside the rest of the partygoers.

Emma shows his appreciation for this, and Knightley returns his appreciation for her friendship with Harriet, who’s way goddamn better than Augusta. The two decide to dance together, and the two basically fall in love RIGHT GODDAMN THERE AND I AM GODDAMN HERE FOR IT.

Which sucks, because I’m, what, a little more than halfway in? No way it’s this easy.

And as Knightley and Emma realize their feelings the next day, they actually run towards each other, SEE each other...and then get iterrupted by Frank carrying Harriet post-her being attacked by muggers GOD FUCKING DAMMIT REALLY?

Plus, it looks like Harriet might be in love with Knightley now, after the previous night. HowEVER, since the previous night, Emma is now in love with Knightley, and believes that Harriet’s feelings are directed towards her rescuer, Frank Churchill. But Frank’s in love with Jane. Like, for sure he’s in love with Jane. And Knightley’s in love with Emma, although Mrs. Weston believes that he’s in love with ane, as he leant her his chariot the previous night, although he DIDN’T do that, and the chariot (and piano) must’ve come from Frank, who’s actually in love with her, not Harriet, as Emma believes. YOU GOT THAT? BECAUSE I’M ASTONISHED THAT I DO

Summer comes, and there seemingly no major changes to the love lives of our main characters. Can’t say that for George’s mansion, as he’s unveiled all of the paintings in the place.

Might be wrong about the progression of relationship thing, as George and Harriet appear to be getting along, and Emma and George suddenly...aren’t. And THEN, Jane tells Ema that she’s feeling super down at the moment, and leaves. Which is when Frank shows up, which Emma appears to not be super happy about.

Later, at a luncheon, Emma takes out her emotions upon Miss Bates who, while kind of annoying during the film, doesn’t deserve the insult lobbied her way by Emma. Afterwards, George DESTROYS her, and she...she gets it. She’s been an asshole.

After a good cry, she goes to apologize to Miss Bates, who immediately forgives her, as she tends to do. It’s also pretty quickly revealed after that that we find out that Frank has ALWAYS been engaged to Jane, since he arrived to Highbury. AND, Emma finally findss out that Harriet’s in love with George, not Frank. Which...yeah, Emma’s not a huge fan of, for obvious reasons.

However, Emma points out that George might have been trying to get Harriet involved with Mr. Martin, but also tries to step back. However, Harriet RIGHTLY calls her out this time, bringing up the fact that Emma fancies George, and that it’s because of Emma that she refused Mr. Martin. And Emma finally gets it. ALL of it.

George, hearing of Frank’s engagement, goes to comfort Emma in her time of distress. And after railing out Frank for his lying ass, he starts to confess his true feelings to Emma. But she tries to stop him, but THERE AIN’T NO STOPPIN’ LOVE BABY

And as he STRAIGHT-UP PROPOSES to her...her nose bleeds and she says no.

Finally, it’s confirmed that George was speaking on Mr. Matin’s behalf, not his own, and Emma pledges to make things right herself. She delivers the painting of Harriet to Mr. Martin, and he proposes to her. Harriet accepts, and has also finally heard from her father, who isn’t a nobleman at all, but a shoemaker. Emma still invites them over to their estate, and the two make up as friends.

And speaking of making up, George and Emma also make up, and the two are officially engaged to be wed. And it’s honestly...quite lovely. Which describes the whole film, which comes to a close.

WHEW. Now THAT...was a Recap. See you in the Review!