#sorry for how long this is

[cassandragemini]

a while back i was poking around on facebook and found this absolutely gorgeous illustrated guide to mongolian horse tack

[lucky-dyse]

👀

It was 1985, and the death of Jordan Canas made Flynn an entirely different person. He didn't give himself time to mourn, he just moved on to Alan - someone he knew had a crush on him for the longest time. Alan was easy, he did as told simply because he thought it was helping Flynn get through the grieving process.

Flynn had Alan working late on how to stabilize the Grid so it could hold the ISOs, of course Flynn never told him what the ISOs were or what the Grid actually was, but Alan knew it had to be important. The Grid had been experiencing power failures due to the rapid creation of the ISOs, and Flynn was too busy taking care of Sam to do it himself.

What Alan didn't know was the fact that these ISOs and Programs were actually people. These people, without him knowing, were experiencing tension that could lead to war. ISOs were widely hated and blamed for the Grid's failure.

Alan bad been working on the Grid's code for hours now, he was just about to go home when he saw a note on Flynn's desk. Flynn meant to throw it away, but he must've forgotten in his hurry back home. Alan picked it up, seeing something about Lora's digitizer and how to use it. Curious, he entered the code that Flynn wrote down, and everything faded to black.

He opened his eyes in a copy of Flynn's office, frantically looking around for any sign of familiarity. He rushed out of the arcade replica, where most Programs expected to see Flynn.

He stood there in front of the building, frozen in place as programs muttered about him not being the creator. He didn't know what to do or where he was, he just knew he wasnt who they were expecting.

[jetskisonyourmoat]

The thing about paparazzi photos is that very few famous people are being stalked or having their privacy invaded with these kinds of photos. Alex and Louise are not famous enough for paparazzi to accidentally catch them, especially not at a hotel in Italy of all places. They’re not THAT recognisable. The agency that released the photos is called Backgrid and is literally an agency for celebrity news, so I’m like 80% sure one of them called up and paid for these photos to be taken. That’s why they look staged and that’s why there are moments when they both seem aware of the camera.

This is not the first time Alex has been papped, obviously the volume of photos has never been this large, but he’s been in the industry for close to 2 decades. Multiple sets of photos were taken of him and Louise at the start of their relationship in very random places so clearly contacts have been formed and this is not their first rodeo.

Alex has dated people like Alexa Chung who is an expert at utilising paparazzi to her advantage (this is not a dig at her, it’s just part of the job). Throughout their entire relationship they were photographed a lot, because that’s part of how you grow your status as someone in the public eye. Alex is not naive, he knows how this works. Obviously he doesn’t need be photographed to help his career his music speaks for itself, but his girlfriend’s do and he’s been happy to oblige.

Famous people and paparazzi’s often have a more symbiotic relationship than people realise, of course there are always going to be people who are vulnerable/taken advantage of by unethical paparazzi. But again a lot of the time these photos are accompanied by an article, like todays, which acts as promotion for whoever is featured.

If Alex doesn’t want to be seen, he can very easily disappear from public view, it has happened multiple times over the years and he is an expert at not drawing attention to himself. Obviously fan photos are different, but he has a lot of control over when people see him. The fact that he’s not very recognisable in London or LA really drives this point home. What I’m trying to say is that he most likely consented to the photos and at the very least knew that they were being taken.

[ronance4life42]

I’m not at all qualified to make this post, and if anyone has any helplines please reblog and add, but if you’re thinking of killing yourself tonight or tomorrow or anything, please don’t. I’m so sorry you’re miserable now, but there are so many people who have considered killing themselves and they didn’t and they are in a better place now. Give life another chance, you may well be surprised. There are so many people who love you. We love you. I promise. One of my oldest friends tired to kill herself today and I can’t tell you how glad I am she survived. All I want to do is hug her and make sure she’s okay but I have to go home, but I remember when she was twelve and laughing because her dog was wrapped up in her arms and looked like a cinnamon bun and I would do anything to see her laughing again. Just yesterday we were talking about music and she talked excitedly about going to a festival with her friends but sometimes things are harder than they seem and things can take a real turn for the worse. But they get better too. I’ve been in some dark places but I found the people I love and I’m okay. Life is a constantly changing and moving things, and this means that as well as dips there are highs. So please, give life another chance.

[bored-dom]

OOF mod the (besides sans) gives me an idea. What if frisk broke out of control once during the first fight in the judgment hall and spared him then he dunked them. Major trust issues and major hate towards him so they killed him when they got the chance.

Interesting idea, yes, but not how it happened. Actually Sans dunking on Frisk in the first genocide attempt, is what helped them break free enough to reset. (Though it was all in vain due to it still happening a couple timelines later). Also Frisk doesn't understand how to feel hatred for anyone or anything, at least not yet.

*Anyways it's not important to the main story so I can tell this mini thing.

For context in this AU Sans does remember all the timelines and resets(there's a lore reason for this.) In the timeline this happened in, Frisk had full control over their actions(sometimes Nichola gets tired and just leaves Frisk be in her rare moments of clarity)

Anyways after a pacifist run, Sans threw Frisk off the cliff, obviously resulting in there death.

When Frisk respawned in the room where the barrier broke and everyone around, Sans kept trying to contain his laughter, but it was obvious he was laughing. This annoyed Frisk so much they threw their stick at him, killing him.

Everyone started freaking out, and Undyne threatened Frisk with a spear, but they just reloaded back to the last save file, where sans really did start bursting out laughing. Wh Frisk once again left the underground with monstekind, and everyone left the ending ledge (cliff? Whatever its called) Frisk sincerely and overly apologizes. Sans rejected the apologies because he didn't actually care, he was actually proud Frisk was able to express some emotion for once.

Also sans is 100% aware that Frisk rarely has full control of their body. And he is able to tell when or when they're not in control

I might make a mini comic out of this when I have time.

*I'm sorry for any typos or grammar errors*

[braisedhoney]

I wanna make a persona so badly because of your sona now- any tips?

okay first off

YES!!! holy shit i am so happy about this. making a persona is a ton of fun, and it's really relaxing to draw especially when you need a quick pick-me-up, and i'm honored you'd ask me for advice.

honestly my best tip (and what i did with my own) is to know that you can, and should, add and remove things whenever you want. my persona started off with a different mask shape, no strap to the mask, no captain's uniform, and slightly lighter colors; it's pretty funny to look back on actually. as time went on i incorporated aspects of things i enjoyed (deeper color schemes, dramatic lighting, my interpretation of a space captain uniform) until i got what i use now. and i'm positive i'm not done—more will change about my persona as time goes on. i've been thinking about adding little badges to the uniform to represent fandoms and works i enjoy. i've even been cobbling together a little bit of lore, half as a joke and half just bc i wanted to.

a good starting point is to focus on what you want to portray about yourself, what you find fun to draw, etc. make your persona something you can look at and say "yeah, this represents a part of me", even if that's more in spirit. feel like you enjoy the vibe of an object head? go for it! wanna be an amorphous blob? great! wanna be a giant robot? cool as hell! just some dude in a coat? perfection!

(for practicalities sake i'd also say to make your persona something you can draw comfortably/easily without a lot of redos. always great to have something to doodle lazily in the margins.)

sorry if this is a little abstract, but i hope it helps a little! i'm no expert, but i'm having fun o7

[r0b0t-j0n3z]

COMPANIONSONA REAL!!!!!

their name is mahki and they frequently (and ILLEGALLY) travel between the slums and midtown in order to bring supplies back for everyone in the slums, its really dangerous and they always come back with new injuries

160 years old (16 years old in human years). it was "born" in the dead city and barely survived growing up before it found itself in the slums at around 57 years old, missing its entire left arm, half of its lower left leg and a cracked screen due to zurks eating(cracked enough to the point they couldnt see). now having a both a leg prosthetic and a different coloured arm.

very frequently has Psychotic episodes (I.e. hallucinations, delusions, paranoia, disorganized speech/thoughts) constantly thinks someone is after them or someone is watching them, always always scared. cries a lot and also alternates between calm/depressed to hyperactive/manic CONSTANTLY.

due to it being alone a lot, and always taking care of itself, mahki tends to be a bit selfish and has difficulty with cooperation. they also stutter a lot and are just generally hard to understand since they talk very fast

was adopted by doc while having a really bad Psychotic episode (crying for its mom/dad an just extremely confused and scared), doc is now its dad and Seamus is its older brother

small. 4'10. their also EXTREMELY flexible that freaks out a lot of companions. but with their small size and flexibility, they run very fast. however, its also quite clumsy and stumbles a lot

very empathetic and trusts others very easily due to growing up completely alone, attaching itself quickly to those who take care of it which leads to a lot of trust issues and them being a bit mean at first

they couldnt speak, read or write until it was 57 years old when residents in the slums began teaching it, yet weirdly enough they understand and speak intermediate cree perfectly

also its name is short for Osâwahkesîs/Mahkesîs which means red fox in cree :)

[zorlok-if]

Damn what kinda course u be taking? Letting you make games? I need that in my life.

It's awesome. I wish everyone could take it. The course itself is a general science-fiction/fantasy literature course but it allows the professor's to teach whatever topics or themes they like to explore in those genres. You can take it multiple times with different professors so this is the second time I'm taking it. The first professor I took it from explored how sci-fi and fantasy challenge and expand our ideas of what it means to be human/alive. This professor's exploring how creators (not just literary writers) use the genre of science-fiction to create societal metaphors. He's also placing a focus on really estranging and obscure stories (basically, the weirder, the better) and pushing our potential boundaries in terms of media too (meaning we're analyzing short stories, films, comics, anime, video games, even sci-fi inspired albums through an academic lens). So, essentially, it's nerd heaven 😊

As for the final project, he's taken an approach that quite a few of my professors have taken which is to say "make or write something that demonstrates your knowledge of the material we covered." This is actually the third class I've made a Twine project for. I've also created a cookbook with recipes based on and written in the styles of various British authors, put together a detailed proposal for an educational video game with digital concept art, made memes about Icelandic sagas, and even made a cheeky little vampire dating simulator (where you can chat with Colin Robinson, Dracula, and other vamps on a Tinder-style app).

It's been fun (my professors are all incredibly cool) ❤️

[kartsstuffig]

i forgot to posts these

say hello to my peppiclones :]

this is rosso.

rosso doesn't really have a definitive gender. it doesn't think that far. it just uses it/its but despite their appearance act more motherly and somewhat feminine. i originally made this design because of a bit on discord, but used the thing that started that as a part of its lore, so its dna is based off chili (the dish) and cat dna. because of this it both radiates heat that it can control (most of the time) and also is naturally a lot more melty. it doesn't understand english but *DOES* understand italian. however, it's completely nonverbal. rosso is also 8 feet tall, which makes it a huge jellybean.

i also made a sugary spire version out of boredom.

its name is amarilla and it also uses it/its pronouns. solely because it doesn't know what else it could be. instead of the chili and cat dna, it's banana pudding and raccoon, and it smells like it too. it's hard for amarilla to hide because of its sweet scent. instead of being a jellybean like rosso is, amarilla is a lot more animalistic and anxious, along with being much shorter at about four feet tall. i didn't really know whether to base it off pizzelle or pizzano, so i made it a hodgepodge of both. it understands and (very rarely) speaks both italian and spanish. because of being a clone of two different people of opposite sexes, it often questions its gender. it will get confused with the gendered words like amico and amica. it doesn't speak very often at all, though, as it's very hard for it sometimes. unlike rosso, amarilla will definitely bite you without hesitation if you get too close and it doesn't trust you, your only warning being its backing away and low growling. it is possible to gain both amarilla's and rosso's trust, though. it's just that for amarilla, you have to do a bit more.

thanks for reading my loredump shit :]

bonus thing ig:

i originally planned rosso to be a lot more aggressive, malicious, and overall just unpleasant but i decided to change it since i didn't really like that.

have some of the art that started this all, too.

[littlegalerion]

Because moving stress is killing me and I've been formulating this theory for a long time.

So I totally retconed Wacha's previous canon because I'm starting to like this theory better.

Wacha is the true Last Dragonborn.

However, Sunnabela is right there with her- because he's her brother.

Basically, Trechire's entire storyline is real, until up around the Oblivion Crisis. There things get "tricky". Mannimarco was killed, or at least his avatar was, by Trechire, which infuriated Manni to no end. As a god, he began to look for ways to finally wipe out Trechire and her line for good. His answer was a form of "zero summoning" in a sense. In the same way Nocturnal wanted to use the towers to rewrite reality, Mannimarco did something very similar.

He attempted to just erase Trechire from the picture. No rewriting history, just making her go "poof" and suddenly nobody remembered her. When his plot was discovered, of course Trechire's sons leaped in to stop him, having not told their mother what was going on, instead wanting to deal with it themselves for a change. The result was not only was Trechire erased, but so were they.

What was left was perfect for Manni. Trechire had settled, but with Divayth Fyr, and during this time had recently had a newborn daughter. When Trechire went "poof", none in the Fyr family could remember where the hell this baby had come from, not even Divayth.

Though, something lured Divayth away, as if a glimpse of the answer. He and three of his daughters went to investigate, leaving Alfe Fyr to care for Wacha.

You know what happened after that. Wacha was raised in solitude, strictly under Alfe who had no idea what she was doing, and the result was a mini Fyr who was stuck in a cage and ready to go wild the moment she was shown freedom. Mannimarco promised her that freedom, and taught her in secret through dreams and visions. He got to know, only him, who she really was, and how the last bit of Vanus and Trechire's blood that still existed was now being twisted by his own hand.

So yeah, you know a good chunk of the rest- Wacha was a very evil dragonborn when she ran away finally, and for a while it seemed she was going to gain control of every guild in Skyrim and rule with an iron fist under Mannimarco's orders. But that backfired, as Wacha was somewhat broken through to by Erandur, realizing Mannimarco was just using her. So now she didn't plan to rule or do anything really. She was just going to let Alduin destroy everything. By this point, she felt like something was very, very wrong, and nothing could ever fix whatever it was.

This was Wacha sensing the Direnni Tower's displeasure. Wacha did go to the final confrontation of Alduin, to make sure no one could stop him. But instead of making it into the Nordic afterlife, the Tower ripped Wacha through reality and back a thousand some years, to the events of ESO.

She seemingly was chosen as the Vestige, and ran through all the motions per all Vestige's, just following the notion that the Tower had in fact chosen her, giving her a life worth living. But as she continued on, she started to swear she kept remembering various events differently.

She swore it felt like people kept calling her a different name, or that she wasn't using necromancy, but some other kind of magic. It was unbearable speaking to Vanus Galerion, King Dynar, or Abnur Tharn. A horrible pain shot through her chest everytime they spoke. Then with individuals like Tanval, Aithilo, Sil, Verandis, Fennorian... It felt like she already knew all these people, and just something felt way off, more so than ever before.

Distressed, she went to the Psijics for aide, and began their questline- which in itself felt out of order.

If you've played the Psijic questline, you know the final battle is a fight between realities that occurs inside the White-Gold Tower.

It was through this thin veil that Wacha looked into other realities, and her reflection wasn't staring back at her. It was Trechire, and in each other door to each reality, one of her brothers.

Dozens of memories flooded through her mind, and she rapidly tried to connect the dots. The loremaster brought her back to Artaeum to rest, and the Psijics feared seeing other realities had driven her insane. She kept writing out various scenarios, timelines, and even got into future events around the end of the 3rd Era. But she never could finish that part. She tried to imagine what Trechire did during those times, and thus characters like Eliindil popped up, in Wacha's attempts to give an ending to this plotline. Then Sunnabela and Kirr were the ones facing Alduin.

Wacha was reluctantly dragged into the events of Blackwood, and that's where it all clicked. Because now the 3rd Era came in crystal clear. She saw Mehrunes, she saw Trechire, Malika, and Rinyu facing off against him to protect Martin Septim.

All it took was one person to remember who Trechire and her line was, and Mannimarco's work was undone.

Wacha passed out at the end of the battle, and when she awoke, she was back in Skyrim, on the cart with Ulfric Stormcloak, hands tied and going to the execution block. Only this time, Wacha knew who she was, who her mother was, who her brothers were, and how much she wanted to tear out Mannimarco's unbeating heart one day, just like her mother...

After the events at Helgen, Wacha immediately ran home to Alfe, and the entire family was there, trying to piece things together. The Fyr sisters had returned with Divayth, having found Trechire and the boys stuck in a dark void of a realm, calling out to the Fyrs but the Fyrs unable to reach these strangers. Then suddenly memories slapped them all in the face and the dark void just launched the prisoners out and they all went for a fun little spin through portals and realms. Time hadn't existed there, so it only felt like a few hours for the Fyrs, when to Alfe and Wacha it had been 24 years.

So what really happened during the Oblivion Crisis?

Sunnabela had been rescued by his mother and brothers, and such a warp in time had caught the attention of Divayth, who already felt Red Mountain growing unstable, along with a fragility between Tamriel and Oblivion. While Trechire, Malika, and Rinyu had dealt with events in Cyrodill, Trechire had entrusted Divayth, Aithilo, and the Fyr daughters to look after a baby Sunny. Probably the first time in her life she felt like one of her kids was perfectly safe. Once the Crisis was over, well, Trechire and Divayth hit it off.

They were both mortal turned immortal adventurers who wanted to settle down and just be old mages people gawk at for being so old and influential. There was a lot to talk about, catch up on, and Divayth was an excellent father to Sunnabela.

Wacha had been born 24 years prior to the events of Skyrim, the family now living in Skyrim part time to help keep an eye on Dunmer refugees. That and Mavos had foreseen something big was going to happen in Skyrim relatively soon, so while Trechire was no longer an active player, she still wanted to be close by in case she was needed in desperate times.

So Wacha got a fresh start as her time as the Dragonborn, worked on her anger issues, started over with Erandur, got mentored by Sunnabela for Shouting lessons, got to work with Rinyu in the Dark Brotherhood, and got to finally know her parents.

Listen, I know its batshit, but high stress often reveals how insane someone actually is.

I am very stressed.

[whiteshipnightjar]

Zoozve, my beloved

[endusviolence]

Rowling isn't denying holocaust. She just pointed out that burning of transgender health books is a lie as that form of cosmetic surgery didn't exist. But of course you knew that already, didn't you?

I was thinking I'd probably see one of you! You're wrong :) Let's review the history a bit, shall we?

In this case, what we're talking about is the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft, or in English, The Institute of Sexology. This Institute was founded and headed by a gay Jewish sexologist named Magnus Hirschfeld. It was founded in July of 1919 as the first sexology research clinic in the world, and was run as a private, non-profit clinic. Hirschfeld and the researchers who worked there would give out consultations, medical advice, and even treatments for free to their poorer clientele, as well as give thousands of lectures and build a unique library full of books on gender, sexuality, and eroticism. Of course, being a gay man, Hirschfeld focused a lot on the gay community and proving that homosexuality was natural and could not be "cured".

Hirschfeld was unique in his time because he believed that nobody's gender was either one or the other. Rather, he contended that everyone is a mixture of both male and female, with every individual having their own unique mix of traits.

This leads into the Institute's work with transgender patients. Hirschfeld was actually the one to coin the term "transsexual" in 1923, though this word didn't become popular phrasing until 30 years later when Harry Benjamin began expanding his research (I'll just be shortening it to trans for this brief overview.) For the Institute, their revolutionary work with gay men eventually began to attract other members of the LGBTA+, including of course trans people.

Contrary to what Anon says, sex reassignment surgery was first tested in 1912. It'd already being used on humans throughout Europe during the 1920's by the time a doctor at the Institute named Ludwig Levy-Lenz began performing it on patients in 1931. Hirschfeld was at first opposed, but he came around quickly because it lowered the rate of suicide among their trans patients. Not only was reassignment performed at the Institute, but both facial feminization and facial masculization surgery were also done.

The Institute employed some of these patients, gave them therapy to help with other issues, even gave some of the mentioned surgeries for free to this who could not afford it! They spoke out on their behalf to the public, even getting Berlin police to help them create "transvestite passes" to allow people to dress however they wanted without the threat of being arrested. They worked together to fight the law, including trying to strike down Paragraph 175, which made it illegal to be homosexual. The picture below is from their holiday party, Magnus Hirschfeld being the gentleman on the right with the fabulous mustache. Many of the other people in this photo are transgender.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of a group of people. Some are smiling at the camera, others have serious expressions. Either way, they all seem to be happy. On the right side, an older gentleman in glasses- Magnus Hirschfeld- is sitting. He has short hair and a bushy mustache. He is resting one hand on the shoulder of the person in front of him. His other hand is being held by a person to his left. Another person to his right is holding his shoulder.]

There was always push back against the Institute, especially from conservatives who saw all of this as a bad thing. But conservatism can't stop progress without destroying it. They weren't willing to go that far for a good while. It all ended in March of 1933, when a new Chancellor was elected. The Nazis did not like homosexuals for several reasons. Chief among them, we break the boundaries of "normal" society. Shortly after the election, on May 6th, the book burnings began. The Jewish, gay, and obviously liberal Magnus Hirschfeld and his library of boundary-breaking literature was one of the very first targets. Thankfully, Hirschfeld was spared by virtue of being in Paris at the time (he would die in 1935, before the Nazis were able to invade France). His library wasn't so lucky.

This famous picture of the book burnings was taken after the Institute of Sexology had been raided. That's their books. Literature on so much about sexuality, eroticism, and gender, yes including their new work on trans people. This is the trans community's Alexandria. We're incredibly lucky that enough of it survived for Harry Benjamin and everyone who came after him was able to build on the Institute's work.

[Image ID: A black and white photo of the May Nazi book burning of the Institute of Sexology's library. A soldier, back facing the camera, is throwing a stack of books into the fire. In the background of the right side, a crowd is watching.]

As the Holocaust went on, the homosexuals of Germany became a targeted group. This did include transgender people, no matter what you say. To deny this reality is Holocaust denial. JK Rowling and everyone else who tries to pretend like this isn't reality is participating in that evil. You're agreeing with the Nazis.

But of course, you knew that already, didn't you?

Edit: Added image IDs. I apologize to those using screen readers for forgetting them. Please reblog this version instead.

[captainjonnitkessler]

You know I used to think "tumblr's absolute refusal to actually engage with the Trolley Problem in favor of insisting that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is just a short-sighted idiot is really fucking annoying, but I guess it's not actually doing any harm".

Anyway that was before we asked tumblr at large to decide between "guy aiding a genocide but making progress elsewhere" and "guy who would actively and enthusiastically participate in a genocide and would also make everything else much, much worse for everyone elsewhere" and the response was that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and that anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is a short-sighted idiot.

[egophiliac]

bring back zooterkins, the best 17th-century swear word

I don't normally do Just Characters Swearing, but. ...this kind of wrote itself and then wouldn't leave my head. it comes from both a piece of character-writing advice that has always stuck with me, and also my conviction that Leona is 1000% funnier as a character if his dialogue has to stay G-rated. let Kalim say fuck, but don't let Leona say bastard.

(I'm sorry)

[the-voidkin-playground]

vent post, tw for possible? ptsd (just some potential symptoms), eating/food issues, anxiety, etc. etc.

been thinking about band we dropped out during band camp, before freshman year we were in there for about a month? i believe?

it was nonstop suffering it was the worst we had been since we were 12 years old

we could hardly eat, we felt sick all the time, like we were about to vomit and/or pass out we were always in pain, we couldn't stand without hurting so much

we were under so much stress, we couldn't keep up, we were never good enough to keep up with everyone else we had always been behind in band, even in middle school, because they made us redo our first year of band since we missed the last few months because of the pandemic causing school to get canceled

we tried to watch a video of a performance, from our school band, the other day the one that they were making us practice to do, learning the songs, the choreography, all that stuff

we couldn't get past the second song just hearing the music and seeing the choreography that we were forced to play and march to, over and over again it made us feel sick and like we were about to cry

we can't think about it without panicking, the guilt and shame from leaving the band eat away at us, while the pain and distress haunt us we never want to go back to the band, but we wonder if it was a mistake to leave, maybe it would've gotten better, maybe we would've been okay i think the fact that we can't listen to the band's music without extreme distress says otherwise though

every time we hear or think about those songs, we want to cry, we can feel the pressure and memories digging their claws into us and trying to drag us back in we're never going back

we have no idea if it's ptsd or even trauma, since we think it shouldn't have warranted that extreme of a reaction, but it's affected us severely i think that one month of band camp was probably one of the unhealthiest points of our entire life getting too little sleep, not eating enough, always feeling sick, being anxious all the time, being in pain constantly, feeling so hopeless and trapped it was a nightmare

i think it caused some bad habits in the opposite direction as well we ended up overeating, when we stopped feeling so sick after a few weeks of being out of band camp we gained a lot of weight from it we became inactive, because any activity felt terrible after being forced to overexert and overwork ourselves five days every week for a month

we ended up becoming very avoidant of the band, and anything to do with playing music, for a while we had given up on it, so why bother? we didn't play anything for months afterwards, and we still hardly play, despite how much we used to enjoy it we still don't go to games or band performances i think we'd have a breakdown if we tried

maybe someday, we can stop associating being in a band with pain and suffering, and we can enjoy playing instruments again maybe we could join a small, non-school band, that won't force us to play and march for hours and hours every single week maybe we could find that community we so desperately longed for and felt like we had lost when we quit

i don't know someday, we'll feel better about it, and won't panic and feel trapped from the first few notes of a song, or the marching choreography of the band

anyway, we mightt have more ptsd symptoms than we thought thought it was just from other things, this may also be contributing though partner sys told us that it was a traumatic experience, because of being forced to do things we didn't want to, and the amount of pain and distress we felt from it

but anyway haha if you read this far, just like, don't mention this, i don't want to think about it any more than i need to and if you know me irl, i am dealing with it, i'm trying to cope, i am alright i'm just a little quirky, yknow? anyway, i'm going to try to sleep now, and hopefully stop thinking about this

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF movie Mike meets Jeremy Fitzgerald