I loved LOVED a word, a look, will be enough. I’m obsessed with the way you write jason and tim. No pressure to answer this at all, but I was curious if you have a headcanon about how the missing spleen reveal eventually goes
Jay »
Good afternoon Timothy.
« tim
uh oh
Jay »
I just had a fascinating conversation with Doc thompson
Care to hazard a guess about what?
« tim
pollen season
Jay »
No.
« tim
bird flu
Jay »
Is there a reason you havent told anyone in your life that you dont have a fucking spleen?
« tim
okay first of all
i’m not sure why doc thompson felt the need to tell you my private medical information
pretty sure they have a rule about that
Jay »
It’s not her fault.
I mentioned that you got whammied with that stupid germ bomb from Typhoid Tony or whatever the fuck his name was
« tim
vik vyral
Jay »
And she got all serious and told me I should get you into the clinic asap, and I was like no he’s fine now, it was basically a 24 hour bug, and she was like no, theres no such thing as a 24 hour bug for him, he needs to come get his blood tested yesterday
And then she clearly realized I had no fucking clue what she was talking about and clammed up. Wouldn’t say a thing. Told me to ask you myself.
Jay »
The look she gave me when I said you slept it off and went back to work. Like I should know better. like I was letting you be careless and shit bc thats just how I am or something.
« tim
“letting” me?
Jay »
yeah. Letting you. I know you know what I mean
« tim
i’m not sure i do.
Jay »
When youre with someone you take care of them.
I dont pretend to know much about this shit but I know that.
I’m not talking about handcuffing you to the radiator. Im talking about knowing whats going on with you and knowing that sometimes you let shit slide that I wouldn’t. When it comes to you
You do that for me and the others all the time. Thats how it works.
« tim
doc thompson doesn’t know you’re “with” me
Jay »
If you think everyone doesn’t know exactly what’s going on then your detective skills need work
Jay »
Also, Jesus, Tim.
« tim
ok sorry, i didn’t mean the scare quotes part
but did you pause to consider maybe there’s a reason i haven’t told everyone other than whatever shortsighted masochistic bs you’re assuming
Jay »
I dont need you to tell everyone. I’m not asking you to write a report on it.
Just like. if there’s any other major medical shit can you maybe tell me
Before you fucking die of a sinus infection or whatever bc the asshole who lives with you didn’t know your immune system has the horsepower of a bicycle
« tim
did you know you curse more when you’re fronting like you’re not worried about me
Jay »
I’m actually not fronting! in this moment!
« tim
okay
well. i am sorry
that sounded sarcastic bc of who i am as a person
but it’s not. i mean it.
Jay »
Sorry for yelling at you
« tim
i dont wanna go into it over text but i’ll tell you tonight. okay?
about what happened.
also there’s nothing else. it’s just the spleen thing
ok?
Jay »
Okay.
« tim
well and the mango allergy
well. and i’m double jointed specifically bc i have joint-hypermobility syndrome
which is why im so flexible :)
but also why i dislocate things a lot :(
um and im mildly allergic to carrots, bananas, pineapples, and most legumes, but it’s fine they just make my tongue itch
i think that’s all
Jay »
Tim can you be honest with me for a second
« tim
yeah…
Jay »
Are you inbred
« tim
NSJDN/&2&jdj?!_£_??
Jay »
Like are you that type of rich person
You can tell me. We are not going to procreate so I dont mind either way
« tim
just scared the living shit out of an intern who had never seen me laugh before. i think she thought i was choking
jesus CHRIST
i will see you at home.
Jay »
You
didn’t answer the question….
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I know at the end of Chaldea's missions the Servants are supposed to be desummoned. But fuck that
Listen, we have Holy Grails out the wazoo and just keep stumbling into them. They appear from time travel shenanigans to the regular yearly Valentine/Halloween/Christmas fuck ups to the average Tuesday when Caesar and Scathatch decide they want to play Chess with extra steps (Grail Front).
I'm just saying, by the end if MY journey in Chaldea, my Servants that I've made friends and relationships with are all gonna walk out with holy grails in these things
And some will have the silly straws
"But isn't that dangerous?"
Bitch I have not only bent over backwards to save the world by time traveling to fucked up alternative histories, I have DESTROYED ENTIRE CIVILIZATIONS of cool wolf people and mecha gods and some of my best friends are PERMA DEAD! Do you know how dead you have to be to be perma dead to the Throne??? And for what? For who? For fucking Musk? For capitalism? For non dinosaurs???
Forgive me for wanting to keep my emotional support saber faces, my emotional support goths, my BESTO FRIENDO, my emotional support femboy, my weeby pirate friend, my wives, children, husbands, siblings, goddesses, aliens, demons, weeb demons, and like the one other guy I know that remembers VHS tapes!
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i have an exam tomorrow but i know my brain won't know rest until i post this. anyway i just looked up the lyrics to 超度我/set me free by floruitshow and i just. have to inflict this song onto other people it is so robits
(real quick one thing i will say is please listen to the song, i once described floruitshow as 'the perfect combination of classically trained and a little bit insane' and this song is 100% that vibe. like i cant promise you'll like it but i can promise that it probably won't sound like anything else you've heard before)
Also I'll only be translating the verses because the chorus is literally lines straight from the Diamond Sutra and explaining those is above my paygrade
(Verse 1)
来不及
There's no time left
最后一句想你来不及让你知道
No time left to say to you my last 'I miss you'
再也回不去
We can't ever return
那个有彩虹出现的下午
to that afternoon when the rainbow appeared
再也感受不到你温度
I won't ever feel your warmth again
如果你留我在梦里
If you left me in my dreams
我会放弃呼吸
I can give up my breath
请 超度我
Please, set me free
VR-LA during/after MR-SN's death?? reflecting on all the things he never got to say, all the things they never got to do because they never got enough time together, 'i can give up my breath' all that time VR-LA spent alone on that empty ship fighting the thoughts of leaving it all behind.. (yells)
(Verse 2)
对不起
I'm sorry
不经意就在你的影子里活下去
It's so easy to live on in your shadow
我不在意
But I don't mind
不过是白日梦里一瞬息
It's nothing but a moment in a daydream
为何还起念动心
Why does my heart still stir?
怪你名字太熟悉
It's all because your name is too familiar
当我是一花一叶一春木
if I pretend I were a flower, a leaf, a spring sapling
可否回到世界之初
Can I return to the beginning of it all?
请 超度我
Please, set me free
Y'all wanna talk about how VR-LA's still not over MR-SN. or how he spends s2-s3 haunted by his old crew ('live on in your shadow' owwww). 'a moment in a daydream' VR-LA seeing MR-SN in overclock... being stuck in the horrible horrible headspace of the Zuggtemoy curse and finding comfort in this snippet of the captain he can barely remember.. 'your name is too familiar' i mean just look at the wish speech! he says it better than i ever could, it's getting the old crew's names from maxim that really sets VR-LA off on this whole journey to find them because even after the everything just their names is enough for him to remember how much he loved and still loves them!! augh
(Outro)
我的执念 万千千千
My obsessions, hundreds and thousands
放不下地 放不下天
I can't let go of the earth, I can't let go of the sky
我把红线折折剪剪
I cut and fold at the red strings
落入凡间镜重圆
I fall to the mortal realm to seek reunion
Again, y'all wanna talk about how VR-LA's still not over MR-SN. but also the last two lines as being MR-SN's POV, the 'red strings' being a reference to the red strings of fate (strings that tie lovers/soulmates together... aaa), MR-SN (or well, Mystra, I guess) literally defying fate so that they can meet again. 镜重圆 here is likely referring to 破镜重圆, a phrase that directly translates to "mending a broken mirror" and basically refers to couples (generally romantic) reconciling/reuniting after a breakup/some kind of separation which... i mean yeah thats literally just 3.7 huh. MR-SN coming back from the dead to give VR-LA closure and catharsis. anyway i'm gonna go lie on the floor now
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long post so i GUESS i’ll put it under the cut
so i’ve been really reflecting lately on my self diagnosis of autism, especially since i’ve been really coming into myself and managing my anxiety better than ever before, and ive been wondering whether it might be that the symptoms i thought were attached to being autistic are just how anxiety manifests in me and the things about myself that i thought proved that i dont have adhd in any way may also just be how anxiety manifests in me. because also even though ive really related with autism and the social symptoms, i’ve never really been sure i have sensory processing issues, at least not to the extent that the dsm specifies in order to be autistic. and what i really HAVE related to is the inability to just sit down and get shit done. so i took another self assessment with this clearer knowledge i have of myself and how i really function as a human being when im on my own and living as an adult and
the only ones that arent high levels are literally the ones that i can directly pinpoint as one of my biggest concerns with my anxiety. impulsivity is the one that makes adhders more likely to butt into conversations or keep going on for a long time or make decisions and later regret them. as you may have noticed i am particularly long winded when im typing, but is that true of me in real life? like at all? not really. i struggle to get two words out sometimes. i was selectively mute in my childhood. i can say for a fact that the reason for this in my hyper-awareness of the potential of making a faux pas or embarrassing myself in social situations. and i have decision paralysis due to the same phenomenon. im very aware of the potential of disappointing other people if i make a bad decision. im not sure if impulsivity would manifest itself in the “typical” adhd way if my anxiety wasn’t there, but i have no way of ever knowing that because it is.
and forgetfulness. i beat that shit out of myself when i was younger. i can clearly remember a time in elementary school, then in middle school, then in high school (before i started writing sticky notes for myself) when i would get myself in trouble just simply because of forgetting about assignments. my family is very academically oriented. my parents wouldnt be SUPER mad at me if i was trying my best and didnt get good grades, but i knew they would be disappointed if i didnt try my best. i have so many systems in place so as to never ever forget about schoolwork any more. you have no clue how revolutionary it is for me that college professors actually put all of the assignments for the semester of the syllabus. one of my biggest gripes about high school was that the teachers would just assign homework seemingly at random? it was easy to forget if you werent writing it all down, ok? and for appointments? same deal. my parents kind of took care of the remembering appointments part before i got older and by now i do have these systems in place for myself. i do often forget to make calls, mostly because i dont make a point of writing it down as a task for myself because making calls gives me anxiety. yeah.
also i sat here and took this assessment and wrote all of this instead of working on my 2000 word midterm paper due next tuesday for which i have exactly one sentence written. listen, procrastination is a universal trait, but i just felt like it was relevant.
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