#endlessly confused by them circling each other on stage

[me-sploh-rada-imas]

continuation of the new mating dance i guess [x]

[backstage-bucknell]

Bucknell Theatre Newsletter: Fall Break Edition

By: Katie Schadler

One Hen, Two Ducks: My Experience in the First Year Show

By: Abby Campion

At the start of each rehearsal for the first-year show University: A New Generation, our fearless student director Alice Jackins (‘25) would have us cast members recite vocal exercises for the purpose of promoting pronunciation, diction, and projection. “One hen, two ducks…” the first would start. Between this exercise and the “All I want is a proper cup of coffee” tongue twister, the cast grew increasingly hyped for warm-ups, making each time we did the exercise more performative than the last. We eventually memorized both “One hen” and “Coffee,” so the whole ordeal quickly became a silly ritual that brought the whole cast together, excitedly watching dramatic renditions of the phrase “eight brass monkeys from the ancient sacred crypts of Egypt” in “One hen.” This ritual combined with that of going around in a circle and saying the best part of our day facilitated a warm and welcoming environment. An environment where we were able to be comfortable making art.

Other than a handful of full cast rehearsals for the show’s prebeat, rehearsals for University were quite individualized. They were limited to us and our scene partner(s), so making art with exclusively one other person and Alice felt intimate, yet freeing. This took some getting used to, as myself and other cast members have typically participated in ensemble-heavy shows in previous theatre experience. However, venturing outside of our comfort zones in this manner allowed us to form genuine connections with our scene partners and set the stage for authenticity. In addition to a scene opposite a scene partner, I was assigned a monologue in the show: another first for me. I had never been on stage alone before and I was nervous to traverse the world of acting without reacting; acting by creating a scene for the audience with my words alone.

This was a process that proved difficult for me, but endlessly gratifying. Alice in her infinite grace and wisdom went through the piece with me countless times until I reached a place of ease with the lines and the scene itself. She exhibited great patience as I took breaks as needed, working to gradually get out of my own self-effacing mind and into the mind of my character. Moreover, once opening night finally arrived, I felt confident in my ability to make the scene my own, and have some fun with the choices I could make. I couldn’t have reached that point without Alice’s guidance and assurance, and I can’t wait to see what she does at Bucknell and beyond.

Getting to see the growth of my fellow cast members in the span of a mere three weeks was both impressive and rewarding. The show itself was a roller coaster of emotions. University is a complex, sometimes funny, sometimes heart-breaking, sometimes just flat-out confusing but always endearing journey into what it’s like to be a college-age adult. Many actors explored vulnerability when performing intimacy with each other, myself and my scene partner Cheatra Cheeang included. Cheatra and I, playing characters that are unlikely friends, had to perform a tango while cross-dressing and being visibly gender-ambiguous. This was another rewarding challenge for me as an artist. Other cast members who had to engage in intimacy did so with great care, and between them I saw numerous connections being made in such a short time frame. The cast itself started out the process being almost silent at the first rehearsal, and closed the last rehearsal screaming “whoosh” at the top of our lungs during a game of “Whoosh, Whoa, Zap.” I’ve been told that the first-year show, more than anything, is community-building, and this could not be more true. Establishing a support system among our immediate peers amidst the scary new college setting has already been beneficial, and we’re only a few weeks into the semester.

The actual performances on parents’ weekend were loads of fun. I got to do my favorite thing with many of my favorite people. Two evenings before opening night, we discovered that a cast member had come down with COVID, so Tessa Brizhik stepped in at the last minute for the roles of “Pink” and “Woman C.” Tessa did fabulously, especially given such little time for preparation. Her attitude brought a warm presence complete with fun pre-show games and much appreciated words of affirmation. The performances went relatively smoothly, and were positively received. Parents loved seeing their children showcased; my own parents were impressed that “their baby” was featured in a role with more than two lines. The reception in the ELC that followed the Saturday evening show hosted by Bucknell University was a nice air of closure that allowed us to debrief and socialize with friends and family. I’m sure I can speak for the cast of University: A New Generation when I express how grateful I am to have had such a positive experience with Bucknell Theatre right off the bat, and how excited I am to hopefully pursue other theatre opportunities in my time here.  

ATTENTION: LOOKING FOR USHERS!

Do you love Bucknell Theatre?

Do you want to support upcoming productions even if you’re not an actor or crew member? 

Do you want free tickets to the shows?

BECOME A BUCKNELL THEATRE USHER AND GET YOUR FREE TICKETS:)

Write to mhuthinson@bucknell.edu if you are interested!

Practicing Natural: Intimacy On Stage

By: Katie Schadler and Abby Campion

As intimacy choreographer for recently-premiered show University: A New Generation, Theatre and Dance professor Dustyn Martincich taught first-year students how to practice consent on stage in a way that prioritized efficiency, clarity, and self-advocacy. One of these practices involved the way in which intimacy scenes were taught in the first place, using desexualized language to instruct movement and focus on the mechanics of intimate scenes so that they were repeatable and thus expected. The consistency not only added structure to the story itself but built trust between the actors.

Another aspect of this training was establishing boundaries through a shared, non-judgmental language that was based on the vocabulary and practice of the organization Theatrical Intimacy Education (TIE). Offering “TIE’s” terms like “fences and gates” to suggest the degree of an actor’s bodily boundary and “button” to indicate when something in rehearsal was activating for someone fostered a space of open-communication and limited personal tensions and feelings of resentment. Because a person’s boundaries can be ever-changing, check-ins with scene partners prior to taking the stage were essential to know where or if the actor felt comfortable being touched that day, regardless of whether they voiced consent the previous day. While feelings of safety could not be guaranteed for everyone, Dustyn instead aimed to create “a brave space” in which college students were encouraged to stand in their own bodily autonomy and advocate for themselves freely without the fear of disappointing the group. 

Students were instructed to use the phrase “no, but…” in contrast to the typical theatre rule of “yes, and…” to urge the refusal of an actor’s consent but their willingness to try an alternative approach. The goal was to find the balance between satisfying the dramaturgical elements of the story while also ensuring that students’ boundaries were not accidentally violated. Through leading with the motto “Better is better,” Dustyn emphasized the reality that not everyone would ever be fully content or comfortable with the scene, but rather than striving for a perfect solution, to look for an improved one.

Finally, students learned the importance of being able to “clap out” of a scene, allowing actors to immediately come out of their characters. As actors, it can be easy to “get lost in a scene” or assume that fully immersing themselves into their craft equates to intimacy without limits. Taking measures such as high fiving with an acting partner before the scene began or running lines for intimate scenes in the presence of a stage manager or other third party ensured that the intimacy stayed in the scene, creating a clear distinction between the performance and real life as well as the character and the actor. 

While intimacy tends to be associated with notions of “chemistry between actors” or scenes appearing “effortless,” Dustyn challenged this falsehood of intimacy on stage by admitting that what looks “natural” takes practice. Having the opportunity to choreograph intimacy in the first-year show, Dustyn believes that such consent practices within theatre set actors up for success and increased their confidence in working with each other.

We asked students in the first-year show to speak on their experience, learning the importance of having a framework when approaching intimacy on stage. Students Quincy Saadeh, Alexandra Schajer, and Julia Piccolino–all participants of intimacy training in University: A New Generation–approached this framework with open-mindedness and care. Quincy referred to the training as “awkward but necessary.”

Brand new to Bucknell Theater’s consent measures, the University actors had a lot to say regarding their first go at this approach. All three students touched on previous experiences compared to those of Bucknell, Alex expressing the discomfort she felt with the violating and borderline damaging practices of her high school theater department. Emphasizing how theater should be a welcoming space where all can creatively thrive, Alex spoke of the contrast that Bucknell has presented, one that has made her feel grounded in her path to continue theater. All three sustained how these practices should be the norm in the theater-realm. “Always ask,” says Julia.

When asked about looking “natural” while also practicing consent, Quincy reaffirmed Dustyn’s claims about intimacy on stage, asserting that communicating boundaries “makes scenes more powerful and intimate.” The three students conveyed that it’s important to make choices in the moment, but that these choices should be within the realm of what everyone on stage was comfortable with. This ensured trust between all parties, furthering the scene’s spontaneity that bloomed when all actors felt at ease.

The intimacy training in University also explored nuances with matters like sexuality and individuality. Speaking as scene partners, Alex and Quincy both touched on University being their first experience with same gender-identifying intimacy. Both female-identifying, the two actors expressed how the work was challenging but “a good challenge.” Both mentioned being glad to have the experience, communicating how it’s expanded their scope of partner acting, making them better artists. A complex process but a worthwhile one, rehearsing the intimacy in their scene has made Quincy inclined to further delve into the values and desires of her character. Following the intricacies between one’s self and one’s character, Julia briefly spoke of the individual challenges she faced with her own scene. This further exemplified the importance of the attention and check-ins that both Dustyn and director Alice Jackins facilitated when teaching these practices. The intimacy training inspired by “TIE” that Bucknell Theater enacted was crucial to ensuring consent and success on stage. It made students comfortable with showing up to rehearsal the next day and enhanced the audience’s experience once the actors took the stage. 

Meet the Publicity Team

Clea Ramos ’25

Role: Design posters, stickers, props, promotional media for upcoming events

Pronouns: she/her

Major: Computer Engineering, Minor: Studio Art 

Extracurriculars: Founder/Secretary of PSA, Garman Guide for Engineering School, IEEE, APIDA

Favorite part of being on team: Working alongside people with various skill sets and creating a collective product  

What would you do if you had infinite time? 

Work on more art/coding passion projects, spend more time with friends and family

Libby Hoffman ’24

Role: Post content on Theatre Instagram/other social media platforms, create cast posters for upcoming shows 

Pronouns: she/her 

Major: Anthropology Studies and Italian Studies 

Extracurriculars: Acting in showcases, mainstages, cocktails; Executive Internship Program; Orientation Assistant; 7th St. Cafe barista; Kappa Alpha Theta

Favorite part of being on team: Brainstorming how to make BU Theatre more visible with students across years 

What would you do if you had infinite time? 

Thrifting/antiquing around world & finding cultural pieces

Aisling McGrath ’26

Role: Designs programs for upcoming shows, edits and selects theatre photos

Pronouns: she/they

Major: Accounting and Literary Studies 

Extracurriculars: Freeman DEI Alliance, GSA, orchestra, jazz band, “Bison Band”, philosophy club

Favorite part of being on team: Heightened appreciation for people backstage and excitement for upcoming performances

What would you do if you had infinite time? 

Focusing more on self-care and being themself as much as possible

Katie Schadler ’26

Role: Compiles and writes articles for the newsletter  

Pronouns: she/her

Major: Literary Studies 

Extracurriculars: Presidential Fellows, “Bisonettes Dance Team,” Club Volleyball, SAAB, Philosophy Club

Favorite part of being on team: The Hutchinsons, Joe’s chips, Mark’s bread (that he seldom brings) 

What would you do if you had infinite time? 

Write more poems, read for pleasure, play volleyball every day, fearlessly make art

Jennaye Pointer ’26

Role: Running Theatre Facebook page

Pronouns: she/her

Major: Psychology and Film & Media Studies, Minor: Theatre

Extracurriculars: Backstage Tech Crew, Stage Managing, Animal Rescue Club, Film Club, GSA, Chi Omega

Favorite part of being on team: Thinking up new post ideas and the collaborative environment 

What would you do if you had infinite time? 

Practicing ukulele and guitar, devoting more time to content creating 

Abby Campion ’27

Role: Our newest member, writing pieces for newsletter, future work in social media

Pronouns: she/her

Major: Political Science 

Extracurriculars: “Offbeats” Acapella, Mock Trial, Pre-law, acting in First-Year Show  

Favorite part of being on team: Loves sharing a space with theatre people and utilizing the newsletter as a creative outlet  

What would you do if you had infinite time? 

Take on 27 majors at Bucknell, travel with loved ones, learn how to teleport (she is chronically late to  everything)

Follow us on all social media platforms:

Facebook: Bucknell University Department of Theatre and Dance

Instagram: @bucknell.theatre

Happy Fall Break!!

Don’t forget to take care of yourself, take care of each other, & take care of art:)

[mochikeiji]

Kinktober Day 7: Baby in Pink

↠ Pairing: Suna Rintarou x Reader

↠ Warning: SMUT! Cry baby reader, Ballerina AU, fingering, cunnilingus, ahegao faces because he's THAT good, riding, creampie, Suna being soft but meanie dom.

↬ Word Count: 3k

⇢ Day 7: Manhandled (Riding)

Everything felt so magical; elegant.  The way you were on pointe made him suck in a breath to every performance he has witnessed from you. Even if he's seen them many, many times in repeat, you were as graceful as a butterfly, as taunting as a little fairy in baby pink. To see how effortlessly you were lifted by your partner during daring performances made him clench his fists of how close those pesky fingers of a stranger were to parts only he was allowed, yet his mind in wonder of how easily handled you were in stage.

How easily you were being handled in so many ways corrupted delicious, arousing day dreams in his calm features, but buzzing head.

He's never been vocal about it, but he adores how tight your ballet clothing were. He especially loved the camisole leotard dress; each time you wore them, he catches a glimpse of your perfectly shaped bottom from the flowy, see through clothing.  Thanking the dark, and captured audience to the people on stage and not notice the growing bulge in his pants and his harsh breathing through his nose. The baby pink tone of your attire made you glow of innocence and cuteness he so wants to carry you out and throw you to his bed to snuggle you away from the eyes of the world.

To take your dainty, little self in the cold sheets with the baby pink article of clothing ruined by yours and his cum splattering messily.

The times your eyes would get caught with his pretty ones after your search for him in the sea of the crowd, you would smile brightly st him, eyes forming the adorable crescents he recognizes even from afar. The former, emotionless middle blocker would be in love struck, as if Cupid had shot multiple arrows to his heart just by your glowing form.

You were so precious. His little ballerina.

And he was your prince. Big and strong, beautiful in every way, fit from his previous and present time in volleyball, too good for anyone in this world. He was yours.

"R-rin.."

Too good.

Too good enough for you to be trembling, and just by grinding yourself on his flexed thigh. He couldn't hold back anymore after seeing you present yourself with your new outfit. It was still the same color, but the fabric was thinner than usual, either it was to make your movements more easier or it was just to test his patience. The length of the flowy skirt had been shortened with your legs no longer covered, naked and soft looking, the chest area emphasized your bust too much for his liking.

Oh, you were so delectable.

He groans your name when he felt your juices seep out from your clothed pussy. It was almost as if you weren't even covered well with it. Big, rough hands at the sides of your hips, guiding your shy movements against his thigh to bring you to your awaited heaven. You whimper when he dug his fingers onto the skin, the sounds you were making muffled on his shoulder only making it hard for him to tame himself. Having enough of it, he easily hoisted you up from his thigh and settles you down in bed. God, did he love having a place all to himself with you in it. He gets to do whatever he pleases.

"Pretty."

It came out like a harsh whisper from his lips as he stares at the damped spot of your center. The skirt pushed up and your legs spread out for him, he gets a little closer in between them and drags his digits down your clothed slit. Eyes immediately gazing up to see you biting your fist and your legs quivering in sensitivity. He hums in delight and began pressing in his index on the slick clothing, his thumb rubbing lazy circles on your clit, relishing the sounds of your soft moans and his name being chanted like a prayer.

"Shit, baby."

Cursing he pushes the leotard to the side, inserting two of his digits in and curls them quickly, wanting to see and hear your squeals as your grabbed his wrist and propped yourself up pathetically with your elbow.

"W-wait, sensitive.."

Glossy eyes meeting with his blank, but lust clouded ones. He'd take mercy whenever you would warn him at times like this, afraid he might've hurt you in the process, but this, you weren't hurt or anything. You were just being his little cry baby. Instead of listening to your plead and your small hands tightening around his wrist weakly retraining him, he pulls his fingers out slowly, licking his lips at the sight of the transparent, coated digits before plunging back in roughly. You sobbed as your body gave out and laid back down, with his other hand pressing down your stomach, he delivers precise piston of his fingers inside you. He knew you can take it. You can, and you will.

"Rin!! A-ah, Tarou..please.."

Legs trying to slowly shut with his head still in between, he hums in approval before getting a taste of your sopping cunt and lapping his tongue up to your clit. He loved getting crushed with your thighs, they were so soft and jiggly when they shook. It boosted his own ego to have them at that state because of his meek minitrations. What more can he get from you when he snaps?

He suckles on the bundle of nerves, your toes curls as your hips arched up, eagerly grinding to his mouth while pleading for him to stop since his fingers were reaching too deep into the right places inside. Suna was in his own euphoria, never really pegged himself as a man who would get drunk into the taste of you and a man who has his dick prodded up to the air just by seeing you in such princess-like clothing. Writhing beneath him, you lowered your hand down to his hair, tugging the long, luscious brown locks of his as he won't let go of the erected nub, slurping and nibbling at it like a pro.

His own arousal begging to be freed from his black slack, the infuriating fabric getting compacted uncomfortably, making his cock ache painfully. Removing his hand from your stomach, he unbuckled the belt off of his trousers swiftly, shrugging them down and kicking them off with his legs and feet, finally releasing your nub with a pop and mercy left for you.

Your legs automatically closed themselves to soothe the sensitive regions. Gripping the pillow on the side of your head as your clouded eyes gaze elsewhere into a short subspace, panting with small drool slipping from the corner of your lips. Suna sees this and gets up from the floor to hover over you. He shouldn't be so rough; shouldn't take advantage of this state you are in, not when your such in full daze of your own world, not when you looked already so fucked out when he hasn't gotten to the good part.

"You okay?"

The tip of his nose nudges your cheek softly, like a cat, he nuzzles himself on your flushed skin. It was out of character for him to display such affection, but over the years of being with you, oh how his heart softened and crumbles at the mere presence of you. He peppers your cheeks with little kisses, swiping away the drool with his thumb, murmuring praises and love confessions to you.

"You're cute."

"I'm here, baby."

"Mmm.. You're still dripping."

His voice made you dizzy, strum like a string of tantalizing melody as you inhaled his musky scent that made you dig your nose at the crook of his neck. Whimpering a little when you felt something slide outside your folds, warm and hard, Suna grunts and pants out small puffs of air onto your ear. You were so slick and wet that it was tempting to just dick you down right now. But you were his little baby, he had to take care of you first. He wouldn't want to hurt you.

"Will you let me take care of you?"

Your blown pupils lost the clouds that has surrounded them as you moaned out, his teeth sinking in the tender flesh by your neck with your hips jolting up, meeting with his twitching cock. Hands flying to clutch onto his shoulders, you wished you had kept your legs closed as now your flower was being teased to death. Suna groans when he feels you twitch a little, how adorable, he thoughts.

"Well?"

He bites on your lower lip, tugging it whilst keeping the eye contact with you, like he was ravishing you with his pretty eyes as sweat slid down to your face.

"I'm waiting."

He grabs a hold of his cock, you expected he was going to pump a few jets, but instead he began slapping it against your weeping cunt. Squealing at the sound of wet skin slapping and the small waves of pleasure kicking in, you whined beneath him when he chuckles darkly, looking up to him with puppy like eyes.

"Rin, please.."

He stops, leaning forward so that his forehead was pressing to yours, exhaling out softly when he felt himself release a few pre cum jets out from his cock.

"Please what?"

Even though he was getting as needy as you were, he was still Suna Rintarou, a guy who loves to be in control and manipulate what he can. Loves to endlessly put you on edge to have your small hands scratching his skin, your body trapped from his bigger structure. He was addicted.

Frustrated, tears glossed over your eyes with some slipping down a little. You would've screamed at him for being a big meanie, but now you were stuck pouting and crying when you felt him rut against you once more.

"Please!! Need your cock, Rintarou!!"

As those words escaped your plumped lips, Suna cages you in his arms and quickly switches positions with you in a blink of an eye. Confusion written all over your features as you gasped a little when you were now laying on his chest, Suna adjusting his head on the pillow, enough to see you shaking above him and gives your ass a soft smack, rubbing the soft, globe flesh and squishing it with his hand. Your leotard still pushed to the side, allowing his finger to tease the slit up and down, watching you start to lose yourself above him and push back, hoping to get more friction.

"You said you wanted my cock, right baby?"

You couldn't make out what he was saying, too busy rubbing against the knuckle of his index, clawing his chest to ground yourself. The veins in his arms and hands were noticeable, you can really tell he had been keeping himself together. With you above him, arms pressed to your chest, letting your tits be a show for him, hair fanning your features like some kind of princess as the uniform you were now wearing stuck to your skin from the sweat that had built up. Good thing you had spare ones.

Lining himself up to your cunt, he removes his hand away from you as you cried from the lost. Both of his hands found their way back to your bottom, lifting you up with is before slamming you down to his hard cock with a loud moan erupting from his chest and you left with wide eyes and mouth agape.

"Take it, little girl."

The sudden thrust of his cock stung, but it didn't hurt much. No, it made you shocked, panting as if you were in some sort of heat, tongue sticking out at the feeling of his dick stretching you deliciously, the length and thickness making you feel so stuffed. He felt so deeper in this position, you couldn't move. You felt that if you were to try and thrust up and down, you would break. It was all too much.

Suna felt the same way. His head burnt, spinning like a spell was cast upon him when he was engulfed by the warmth of your cunny. Fuck, your walls kept fluttering and tightening around his cock. Every muscle on his body was flexed as he breathed heavily. You were so heavenly right now, he could cum on the spot inside of you.

"R-rin...So big.."

Covering your mouth with your hands, you tried raising your hips up a little, the lewd friction creating a pleasurable wave to your spine as you sunk down immediately, choking out a moan behind your palms and crying. You couldn't move.

Suna licked his lips at the sight before prying your hands away from your mouth and sitting up against the headboard of the bed, pushing you from the small of your back to his chest closer, his hands roaming around your hot, flushed body and cupping your breast through the fabric. Before you knew it, you squealed loudly when you heard a ripping sound from the chest area.

He had finally ruined the skimpy camisole leotard from you, letting your breast free with his face nuzzling into them and taking a nipple in his mouth. His hands went back to your hips, finally guiding you to a slow rhythm as he thrusts back carefully. Moaning softly, you cradled his head in your arms while he suckles on your nipples. Relishing the soft, yet deep thrusts given to you as each second passes.

"Y-you a-ah..Had to r-rip it, o-oh my—"

Tugging his hair from his roots when he moved to the other breast and bit harshly. He tugged the nippled with his teeth softly before lapping his tongue to soothe away the sting.

"You have spare ones. Besides,"

Pushing away from you, his eyes raked to your entirely new look. The ripped fabric hanging loosely with your breast on display, your cunt being stuffed full with his cock, you and your entire form within his control.

"You look so precious right now."

He delivers one hard thrust that made you fall to his chest, only then do you realize that you were not the one moving, but him all along. His pace quickens, the moans and cries from you onlt fueling him more. Suna shuts his eyes as his senses heightened by you.

"U-unf, hah— I'm sorry!!"

Your tears falling to his chest made him shiver and worry, he tried slowing doen his pace, but he feels your hips move around cutely trying to meet with his movements.

"I-I'm sorry, R-in...Ah— I couldn't mo-move!"

You were apologizing just because you couldn't give him the exact treatment and pleasure he was giving you. Normally, guilt would eat you out at this second, but you were far more succumbed by feeling stuffed, the thought of him cumming inside you blocked all other thoughts away. Precious, absolutely precious.

His hand cupped your cheek, giving it a small pinch of adoration and wiping away the tears that had still been falling from receiving his cock.

"It's okay, let me handle you, sweetheart."

Screaming, he began ramming himself inside of you. It burned, it burned so good it hurts, like your insides were being rearranged. His balls smacking up to your ass that was shaking and being squeezed and slapped by Suna's other hand in repeat. You could only stick your tongue out as you tried to make a sound, but it was all too good all that was left is you sobbing dumbly on his chest with Suna grunting and whispering praises beneath you.

"S-so fucking tight.. God, princess, I feel like ah— 'm gonna break you."

Petting your hair, he doesn't stop his pace. They weren't lying when they said this man uses his entire body to use. Was he so strong and flexible to be able to do this to you. Your balled fist went to grab his hand from your hair, lacing your fingers with his and held his hand, weakly raising your head up.

"A-ah, ah, inside.. Please.. Rin, 'm g-gonna break.. need you. Ngh!! INSIDE!!"

Your voice came out louder at the end when his tip reaches your spot. Moans turning into those you'd hear in pornography feeling your cunt get abused.

"Shit—"

He looked so nefarious; head thrown back, his mouth opening and closing, trying to silent out his own moans to his embarrassment and his hand holding yours tightly. He was to drool for, a real life incubus.

"I-I'm cumming..fuck, take it, baby."

"R-RINTAROU!! N-NO, NO MORE HAH— SLOW DOWN! R-RIN!!"

"SHIT, (Y/N)—"

Your cunt convulsed around his pulsing cock. The rush of adrenaline wrapping themselves to every fiber of your bones as you sobbed loudly, feeling yourself cream for what it's worth around his cock, his own hot, load shooting inside your womb, holding his breath as both your hands gripped each other with toes curling.

"F-fuck, you okay?"

Finishing the last drop, he doesn't pull out immediately. Not wanting to suddenly knock out some oxygen from you, he gives the crown of your head kisses with his thumb stroking the back of your hand. You puffed out breathy pants, body tired and throat scratchy from what happened seconds ago. The redness of your cheeks and the baby hairs the stuck to your forehead made you look so adorable to his eyes, that he leaned forward to kiss your temple.

"T-thank you, Rin...Love you so much."

He can make out the small hearts in your dazed eyes, mewling softly when he accidentally thrusts in while moving his position. Your eyes scrunched up closed, burying yourself on his chest with a small voice,

"Sensitive.."

"I know."

His other arm wrapped around you tightened, rubbing his cheek on your head affectionately. He loved moments like this in doors, just you, him, your bodies as one together in bed. His beautiful, little ballerina in his arms with the soft, baby pink and look on her features and body. It made him smile secretly from you.

"I love you too, my ballerina."

And he began moving again inside of you.

[sexyglances]

What i love about Inspector Koo is how it employs so many types of storytelling to make the drama visually stunning in a way that is completely unique to itself and how it delves into the psyches of our two main characters, how they mirror each other, and how we as an audience digest the story of the mirroring of the two mains.

Not only does the drama use regular cinematic tricks like clever editing and camera work to keep us engaged in chase scenes and other suspenseful moments, and even cgi to show things like yikyung's early psychological trauma or parallel angles and editing to show how kyungyi and yikyung occupy orbital headspaces (like how they were both shown early on standing on a rooftop surveying the scene below), but it also often delves into distinct theatrical staging to convey a character--usually kyungyi--entering her mind palace to try to piece together a story, like how yikyung was able to pull a murder off. But then the storytelling goes even further with its staging at its most fraught moments of push and pull between kyungyi and yikyung and the story uses obvious lighting and almost choreographed movements as if it's a performance art piece between the two of them. It turns the more straightforward stage play setup segments into exposition showcases so by contrast, the more complicated performance artiness parts become more of an exploration of psyches more than a distribution of facts.

And then there are literary moments where the story will use time jumps or start a scene in media res, where i, as a viewer, will be confused and think i've missed something, only for the story to circle back several minutes later to give context to the earlier scene, as if there's a meta mystery for the viewers to solve: there's the mystery and the chase happening within the story where the characters are chasing each other, and there's also the meta game where we as viewers are chasing the overall story itself and are trying to put together the mystery of the storytelling as a whole as well. It all makes for an incredibly captivating piece of media that is a sum of many different parts, but that could only be consumed in this particular visual, cinematically episodic way.

Halfway through the series, i realized that i don't even have a particular side that i'm rooting for to win in the end. With this drama, it's more about the journey than the destination, because the way all the characters interact is more interesting than the resolution. Everyone is in a labyrinthine psychological game, each with their own motivations, all of them creating their own trap doors and shortcuts throughout the maze, just trying to get to the end first and it is fascinating to watch play out. However, simply because there is a finite amount of episodes, we know that none of this will drag on needlessly and endlessly, and there will be a conclusion. It's just that whatever the conclusion is, i know i'll be satisfied with the drama as a whole.

Unfortunately, i think its this complicated woven storytelling technique that keeps its captivating nature from being conveyed well through gifsets, which is maybe why it's not so popular on tumblr? Regardless, Inspector Koo is one of the most unique and engrossing pieces of media i've ever digested.

[translations-by-aiimee]

Dig a Grave to Dig Out a Ghost - Chapter 32

Original Title: 挖坟挖出鬼

Genres: Drama, Horror, Mystery, Supernatural, Yaoi

This translation is based on multiple MTLs and my own limited knowledge of Chinese characters. If I have made any egregious mistakes, please let me know.

Chapter Index

Chapter 32

The stage was lit up with twinkling silver and blue lights. A black-haired girl with bangs was surrounded on the raised stage, her delicate chin nodding to the beat, matching the drumbeat as a new song began. The men and women on the dance floor were cheering and screaming loudly. Coupled with the sound of the glasses shaking like dice on the table beside him, the noises hit Lin Yan's temple like a chisel and pierced straight through his skull. Lin Yan downed the rest of his whiskey. He sank into the sofa, crossing his arms and legs, staring blankly at the stage.

There was a whistle from the crowd. Several boys pushed Weiwei onto the stage. She tried to wave her hands in protest, embarrassed. When she found that there was no getting out of it, she just laughed and followed the black-haired girl's dance steps. She danced even better than the other girl. Her overalls and beret were tidy and sophisticated. She moved like a queen dressed in casual clothes, and each of her confident expressions looked vibrant.

There was a wave of cheers. Not only were the guests who came to celebrate Weiwei's birthday cheering, but even the rest of the bar patrons stopped to cheer for her. Lin Yan gave a depressed smile. This scene was so familiar to him. This time last year, they were having a passionately entertaining and wild time. Back then, he lost the game and was punished to rush onto the stage to take off his shirt. He kissed Weiwei with his shirt off, earning the envy of the audience amidst the roaring cheers that almost blew the roof of the bar.

Lin Yan cast his gaze to the ceiling. The small bright blue spotlights were magnified into a blurred mess. His drunken state dulled his senses, but he was still very much aware. An empty space of air isolated him from the joy and noise of the crowd. He drowned his sorrows in the dark corner alone, isolated and miserable. There wasn't a lonelier feeling than witnessing the happiness of others. Lin Yan filled his glass with more alcohol. The half-melted ice clinked against the side of the glass. The whiskey dried out his throat, his face burned. . .

A chill covered his hand. Lin Yan shrugged him off. He kept silently muttering: leave me alone, leave me alone.

I'm really pissed off.

My life shouldn’t be like this. Xiao Yu, do you think that this is the day I'm supposed to be living? I'm tired of being on edge every day for something I can't even see, not knowing whether I'll live or die. Every day I’m locked in my apartment learning fucking Maoshan techniques. Why me? Why did you pick me?

"Lin Yan!" Weiwei waved at him vigorously from the stage. Her cheeks, damp with sweat, glowed. She was like a butterfly fluttering in glimmering gold glitter, "Come here. Dance with me."

Lin Yan held the table and tried to stand up, but his legs were too weak to listen to him. He shook and flopped down again. He lay across the table, feebly waving his hand at Weiwei

The queen gracefully leaped off the raised stage. She moved through the crowd on the dance floor and walked towards him. Her thin figure and loose overalls looked beautiful, and she impatiently pushed away the men that tried to come up and talk to her. Weiwei pulled up a chair across from Lin Yan and sat down. She fanned her face with her hand: "It's boring to drink alone. Give me a cup and I'll join you."

"Here." Lin Yan slammed his cup on the table. He picked up the whiskey bottle and slid it towards Weiwei. Before she could respond, he took a big swig of his own drink, the spicy liquid pouring into his stomach. "I haven't wished you a happy birthday yet. Cheers."

He felt himself laugh. even though he felt like crying. Through his drunken gaze, Weiwei's champagne-coloured image was dangling in front of his field of vision in a hazy glare, familiar and untouchable, like in the good old days that were never coming back. Just get absolutely wasted. He didn't have to think about this stuff if he was blackout drunk. Lin Yan unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt, tilted his head onto the back of the sofa, and took another sip.

"What's wrong? Happy-Go-Lucky Comrade Lin Yan drinking booze? Unheard of." Her long slim hand unscrewed a bottle of black tea, a string of silver bracelets clinked as her wrist shook. Weiwei handed the drink to Lin Yan: "Water it down a bit. You'll end up puking later. We're all celebrating my birthday. You got yourself drunk. I'll take it as a sign that you still haven't moved on from me. I might have to take a few measures."

Lin Yan hummed. He turned towards Weiwei, his warm breath mixed with the stench of alcohol hitting her face: "What kind of measures? Like giving me your body?"

Xiao Yu sat off to the side, his icy gaze piercing Lin Yan's heart like a thorn. He avoided Xiao Yu's eyes. Under the influence of alcohol, everything he had been through recently was fighting to come out. He suppressed his thoughts and pushed them down, but he wanted to cover his ears and scream his mind at the top of his lungs. But he couldn't say anything. No one would believe him. The only thing he could do was open his eyes and try to find a way out of the lonely darkness. Lin Yan irritably tugged on his collar. He took Weiwei's wrist and pulled her against the back of the sofa, leaning forward to face her gold-dusted eyes. Why not? Why shouldn't he do this? This was the life he deserved!

Weiwei froze. She struggled to free herself from Lin Yan's grip: "You've had too much to drink. Give me your keys. I'll take you home."

Another wave of dizziness washed over him and the ceiling spun in circles. Lin Yan couldn't help but bend over and dry heave a few times. His stomach flipped. He staggered, supporting himself on the table, and moved towards the bathroom. He couldn't support himself but, before he could fall, two hands wrapped around his waist to catch him. Lin Yan turned his head, confused, and bumped into Weiwei. It was just like old times - nothing had changed. The only thing that had changed was him. He had been dragged into the darkest corner of the abyss by invisible forces, endlessly falling, unable to find anyone who could save him.

It was a warm and soft embrace, with the unique scent of a woman's perfume. It was completely unlike the one he was used to; the chilly aura, cold and untouchable, his slender fingers, his thin waist. . . The secret and sinful fantasy he was imagining made Lin Yan shudder and burn with shame.

"Stay away from me." Lin Yan panted heavily. He covered his mouth to keep himself from vomiting: "I'm a fucking walking plague. Anyone who touches me is cursed."

He dropped like a sack into the back seat of his car when Weiwei drove him home. Even the cold wind that kept pouring into the car couldn't keep him conscious. He couldn't remember how Weiwei's slender body managed to help him into the elevator. In the darkness, he instinctively grabbed onto the person next to him. He could smell her sweet orange-scented lipstick. Her shoulders were too narrow to lean on. . .

The hem of a red dress flashed around the corner of the stairs and a silver bell-like giggle sounded from the depths of the corridor. Lin Yan's heart sank.

This desolate corridor led straight to hell.

Lin Yan struggled to pull out his keys. When Weiwei's arms wrapped around him from behind, he bit his lip and roughly pushed her away. "This isn't what I meant." Lin Yan frustratingly pulled at his hair: "You need to go. Don't stay here."

"Let's start over." Weiwei played with the shiny silver bracelets on her wrist. "I'm not seeing anyone either."

"I'm with someone already. I'm getting married." Lin Yan gritted his teeth, a chill shooting down his spine: "Hurry up and leave! Are you listening to me?"

"You still don't want me. You always tease me and never want me." Weiwei's eyes grew desperate. "What's wrong with me? What is so wrong with me that you constantly have to tease me like this?"

"Go. You need to leave now." Lin Yan's gaze moved behind Weiwei's shoulders and focused on the tall dark shadow behind her. His cold face was overwhelmingly volatile. He saw Xiao Yu's hands and protruding knuckles wrap around Weiwei's throat, commanding, domineering, and selfish eyes staring back at him. Lin Yan shook his head. He staggered into his living room and slammed the door in her face.

I just want to go back to my old life. What's so wrong with that?

Xiao Yu coldly looked down at his embarrassing state, his frigid body lingering in the darkness like an endless nightmare.

I can't do this anymore. I can't live in this hell anymore.

Lin Yan knelt on the floor, his head leaning on the sofa, sobbing like a child. Why do you have to take everything away from me? I would give anything to go back to the life I had before. No more ghosts, no more curses, no threat of imminent death. I want to be able to go to my parents’ house for dinner with my fiancée and watch boring news broadcasts every night. Will you let me have that again? Will you let me go?

The violent dizziness made it impossible for him to stand back up. Cold hands hugged his torso, wrapping around his waist, and pulled him down onto the sofa. Lin Yan helplessly held his head in his hands. Now I can't even get a fucking hard-on when I'm with her anymore. Xiao Yu, you bastard. You owe me the life I deserve!

Icy lips covered his. He nipped at Lin Yan's tongue, sucking up the blood that oozed from the bite. The possessive kiss took Lin Yan's breath away, his face flushed red. Xiao Yu suddenly let go of him. He clutched his shoulder and said: "Lin Yan, don't mess with me."

"Who the fuck is messing with you? Who's the one provoking who here?" Lin Yan stared at him with red-rimmed eyes and whimpered: "Aren't you the one who wants to follow me? Why shouldn't I do that? There's nothing that can happen between us. I wouldn't be able to tell my parents about us. I wouldn't be able to tell my friends anything. I'll be a bachelor for the rest of my life in everyone else's eyes. Xiao Yu, you’re dead. You’re a ghost. Why are you forcing me to do this? You took everything from me. I don’t want to like men. I don't want to be gay. I don't want to be treated like a fucking psycho that talks to the air!"

Lin Yan fell onto Xiao Yu's shoulders and cried, cursing. He had never been so wronged or humiliated like this before. However, Xiao Yu just sat silently, his expression chillingly frightening.

After a while, he pushed Lin Yan away and strode towards the bedroom. When he came out, his arms were filled with a bunch of things. Upon closer inspection, they were all things left by Weiwei when they broke up. Lin Yan had wanted to keep them as a memento. He didn't want to throw them away.

"What are you doing!?" Lin Yan's voice trembled.

In the next second, he understood. Lin Yan curled up on the sofa, watching Xiao Yu throw everything Weiwei-related he had in the apartment in front of him. Pyjamas, slippers, the box with an engagement ring inside, the bag he hadn't gotten rid of yet, a teddy bear, matching couples mugs, photos; everything was destroyed one by one in front of him. Ceramic cups were smashed into pieces on the ground, pieces of fabric falling like bits of snow. The whole room was a disaster.

"Stop it, this is my home!"

The sound of torn cloth tore through his head like the sound of a chainsaw.

"That's enough. . ." Lin Yan said with a low, dishevelled voice.

The destruction didn't stop there. Her toothbrush was snapped and thrown on the ground, nail polish was spilt everywhere, her umbrella was slashed into threads. The ghost carried on like no one else was in the room. Soon the living room floor was covered in debris. Chairs piled with all the items tumbled to the floor.

Xiao Yu yanked off all the buttons on a long skirt and then tore it in half with a sneer. It fluttered to the ground, covering the ripped-up teddy bear on the ground.

The last thing Xiao Yu picked up was a velvet jewelry box holding the engagement ring he bought for Weiwei. Xiao Yu took out the sparkling little stone and snapped it off, forcing it into Lin Yan's chest. The deformed ring bounced into the gap between the sofa cushions, disappearing for good.

"Lunatic! You're insane!" Lin Yan had a splitting headache. He covered his face and looking at the room full of debris. A photo of him and Weiwei was on the ground, torn down the middle, and Weiwei's face had been scratched into a deep black hole. He trembled with anger and incoherently screamed at Xiao Yu: "You. . .you're such a jealous man! Have you finished venting yet? Get the hell out! This is my home!"

Xiao Yu raised his chin and coldly said: "No."

"What the fuck do you want. . ."

Before Lin Yan had finished speaking, Xiao Yu was already fiercely kissing him.

[blankdblank]

Hobbit Soulmate Pt 35

Two more weeks of daily stops to the same banquet hall, that once split in half Adrien and his film stage cast around metal chairs forming the set of the fake play the first directions came about. Off to the other half they kept him too distracted while you worked with the choreographer on your own routine involving falling down on purpose. A lot less acrobatic than some had expected but no less adorable to you with thoughts of how it would look at the final go around. And while they broke you got to work on the second stage routine you would have, more graceful with large feathers for the entourage to the top hat and cane donning man.

Evening calls to both Richard and Lee up in Canada seemingly on vastly different schedules came between extra juggling lessons with Emma. Though soon enough you were back smiling for the security guard at the airport who let you past excited to see your next postcard of a film showing off the worth of all your travels around the world. Smoothing your fingers through your curls absently while rereading one of your favorite books adjusting to the slightly shorter length once you’d had it trimmed again. The flight had become a common blip to just get to the next stop along the way. When you would get to your between home however it would be a quick drop of the bag to head to the car waiting for you to take you to set alongside Lee.

Out in the hall once you’d hurried from the taxi up to your floor Lee outside his doorway stood off of the wall smiling and closing the distance. “Hey, welcome back,” nice and warm he hugged you tightly saying, “Rich left earlier I think, his car’s gone.”

“Ya, has to get to the empty northern set. Have fun up here? He said you’ve been making friends.” You asked in his pull back guiding him to your door as he took hold of your duffel bag.

“Just been meeting the other extras, they’re a bit curious on you. Understandably.” His eyes looking you over, “Sleep on the plane?”

“Nope, too cold, you sleep well?” Unlocking the door to step inside turning on the light guiding him inside.

“Inflatable mattress is a bit rickety.”

“How have you not bought a bed yet?”

“I don’t want to buy a bed, then I’d have to get rid of the bed. Will and my sister want the lounges at least for when they move out and we can split the moving costs.”

Down the hall you went stopping in the living room at the cabinet with a grin, “He fixed it up,” you said making Lee smirk watching you open the doors and peek inside.

“Saw him outside in the cold sanding away weeks back. Been keeping busy, even bought some shelves looks like.”

“Yes, he does love breaking out his hammer.” Making Lee chuckle going with you to the bedroom where you found a box of candies and a note from Richard that he would have dinner ready for you when you got back. A quick settle of your bag in the closet and you left your satchel beside that when he glanced at his watch again clearly having been waiting himself to climb in the car with you to get started. “Sorry I’ve left you to carry the weight.”

That had him chuckle walking with you back down to the lobby, “No problem, kind of like the mystery, even Tracy has been thriving in it. Though it will be fun to see you so relentlessly confrontational.”

“Thank you, get to be an odd duck.”

You caught his eye and he wet his lips at the door saying, “I saw him at a jewelry store you know.”

“I did not hear that,” you said exiting the door making him smirk again.

“He’s going to propose, or buy you something very very shiny.”

“Why do you do this?” you said locking the door behind you.

Leaning in however he pressed a sweet kiss to your cheek humming in the sling of his arm behind your back, “Gets cold, we need a distraction.” Making you roll your eyes while he settled closer to your side glad to have you back with him. “He is perfectly miserable you know, when he’s not on set, only got him to lunch once.”

“Oh I know, we’re just determined to mope when apart apparently, and everyone I work with seems to say I rattle endlessly on about Rich too.”

“Oh I doubt that, more like you don’t share much and when you do it sticks out. They want you to be over the moon happy, you brood off to the sides from what I know about you on set.”

“Well I’ve never been one to be the center of attention at a party.”

“Odd choice of employment for the lot of us wallflowers.” He hummed shifting his hand to fix your collar after fixing his own jacket shut again.

.

Changed and seated in a trio of people helping to straighten your hair you read through the script for the first scenes to be filmed today. Curious stares lingered around the room of actors readying to film the start of the first four episodes set through winter months. A few bouts of chatting with the others and some of the mystery seemed to drop away with people wondering how convincing the bubbly vibes you gave off could be warped into the cynical and rude young woman to head this cast. Though from a glimpse of your note taking on the edge of your script the also left handed father wondered how your right handed grip on the pencil had been known by those casting when he had been told that you were left handed, the one child of his hired three that was a leftie like him.

Once the camera was rolling that doubt dropped as you switched hands showing you were ambidextrous, a trait at least comforting himself that your characters could hold that bond. A bond that between takes you got to deepening sharing more about yourselves that Lee jumped in on stealing every chance he got to be close to you. Always trying to wrap around your side or back propping his chin on top of your head proving that like Tracy had mentioned there was a history there, one that was confusing as clearly Lee wasn’t the name of your boyfriend and he wasn’t the guy you had been photographed cuddling up to at your premiers.

.

“Richy Rich,” you said entering your apartment just filled with the scents of the dinner he was fixing up. From the archway of the kitchen the grinning giant frame came to scoop you up in a warm hug with lips melting against yours.

Tenderly he kept his forehead to yours smiling as he hummed, “I made meatloaf,” relaxing his arms more around your back as your fingers smoothed up into his hair. “I take it Lee’s in the hall.”

That made you giggle, “Changing his shirt, got something on it.” He nodded and you giggled, “If he’s wearing green then he was lying to buy us some time. I hear you’ve been brooding between shifts.”

“It’s cold, I’ve been missing my cuddling partner. Did you notice the cabinet?”

You nodded and smiled, “You did an amazing job. Doors open and everything.”

Settling you down he stole another kiss along with your hand guiding you to the living room to show off the cabinet and polaroids of what he had found sharing the story about the family he’d tracked down creeping your grin out more, “And you tracked the family down over these?” Lifting the pile of pictures conveniently free of the geode box and rings, “Really?”

Sheepishly in a try not to spill the beans he eased his hands into his pockets saying, “Music boxes and those pens are expensive, and the receipts had a name. Wouldn’t be right to keep them without looking into who owned them. Made a cute story.”

“Very cute,” you giggled out then glanced to the door at the knock.

“Open, Lee.” He called out smiling at you, “Told him before it was open, he insists.”

The door opened and creeping in Lee poked his head in and you said, “No one’s going to eat you. You changed your pants too.”

You teased making him smirk and lift his slipper covered foot, “And took off my boots. Socks were cold too. Brought some cake.” Lifting the cake he brought from his fridge.

Richard smiled saying, “Thank you, I’ll set the table, let you breathe.”

Lee retorted, “I am breathing,” turning to follow Richard’s path to the kitchen as you sat to undo your boots to change your own socks. You nodded up at him and he repeated, “I am breathing.”

.

Days had the three of you mingling your schedules to have lunches and dinners together between distractions from the sleepy section of town you had settled in. On the set still things only seemed to get a bit mixed up for you, between playing someone so opposite and even having so much friction between you and Lee on screen with his place right next to you between the takes and scenes. “He really isn’t over you, yet is he?” Tracy had muttered a week in and all you could do was sigh at another take pulling you apart while you were to film the big reveal scene for their pretend relationship he clearly had hoped to be with you instead.

Richard was your rock though when he kept these rocky days a bit smoother, even if it seemed he was plotting something. Each stolen glance away and subtle flinch or tuck of a sweatshirt in one of the cubbies he never seemed to move in the closet had that jewelry shop trip mentioned by Lee circling in your brain. No matter how many times his shifts had kept him away for part of the day or even some of the night you didn’t dip to start digging for what he might be hiding and simply pretended that you didn’t know or notice he was up to something.

Valentines circled in your mind and was always a possibility just a few weeks off, a date he made sure to note, even with a card or folded paper flower or heart. Either way he was miserable with secrets and would cave eventually. And in the evenings in together that same fluid friendship came out with a tv and the splurged purchase of a dvd and vhs player helped to add to group movie nights where Richard got to show off his morning off wine purchases to share more of his interest in it with the pair of you.

.

Confusing didn’t come close, and where wine led to joking and a lean in with a teasing smile apparently led to a kiss, not with your boyfriend. Right between the pair of men you had eaten with you shared a communal grumble at the phone call announcing it was morning. Off your back Lee eased with hand smoothing down your side, the motion opening your eyes to spot Richard’s hand from your shoulder to pat the nightstand for his phone he grumbled and set down seeing it wasn’t ringing. “Not mine,” he rumbled moving his hand to smooth across your back again drawing you closer with his forehead tapping to yours.

Behind you Lee found his pants and said, “Not mine,” sighing as he reached out tugging your pants closer from your pocket he brought your ringing phone, “Yours Jaqi.”

Richard sighed again and while your mind still settled to the fact that you and Richard were naked out of instinct you rolled onto your side with hand raised to accept the phone you read the name and sighed reading Jennifer Garner’s number you grumbled and answered, “Hey Jen,”

A sniffle later and while Lee, also clearly naked settled out beside you, she sobbed out, “I’m leaving Scott.” Smoothing a hand over your face she said, “I’ve called a lawyer and I just have to get out of here. How is Canada?”

“It’s cold, tons of snow coming,”

She sniffled again and said through clearly packing a bag, “Good, I could use some snow. I’ll let you know where I settle in,”

“Ya, I can have you for lunch when you get here.” She traded good days and you hung up settling your phone on top of your belly as the duo cuddled closer to you. “Jen’s coming to town, getting divorced.”

To that Richard rumbled, “No, no bad mood,” planting a kiss on your neck followed by another on your lips in the start of a trail down your torso. Smirking drowsily on your side Lee leaned in glad to have another chance to kiss you again. The night before obviously fueled by the wine at the mention that you had brought the kit of toys from New York hoping to give them back to him not needing them anymore clearly in case he might find someone to be in a relationship with. The morning was clearly going to be awkward and a second call from a friend back in New York had you in a sweater fetching a drink while the guys pulled on their underwear and sweats.

Now was when the awkward set in for the guys, or Lee at least. From the edge of the bed Richard glanced to Lee at his second glance his way making Richard say, “Oh stop, I think we’re a touch past bashful glances, don’t you?”

Lee looked him over asking, “We kissed. Touched-. Have you, have you had threesomes before?”

“No,” Richard sighed out smoothing his hand through his hair, “But I’ve had partners who’ve suggested it before, never got there though.”

Lee asked with brows furrowing, “Partners, not girlfriends?”

“I’ve dated men before,” That had Lee’s brows arch upwards, “Though it was always frivolous. A lot of charismatic people in musical theater. Focused on more scratching their itches to keep them content when it came to sex that I just never felt. Never even really bonded with anyone before, never truly loved anyone before. Sex was never truly gratifying at all preferring a more domestic side to relationships, but now I’m with Jaqi that’s all changed. And it’s absolutely fantastic that when I met her she felt the same way about relationships, though she’s never showed an interest in women before it’s more than comforting to have someone who is the same as me.”

Lee, “So, you think Jaqi’s gay too?” He wet his lips, “I mean, she likes us, well she loves you, no question,”

Richard cut him off by chuckling at his try to correct his wording, “Haven’t found a label for anything concerning Jaqi yet, good luck with that one,” making Lee smirk and nod, “I do hope you’ll help keep her from moping while I have to head to Europe.”

Lee’s hands fixed around his shirt on his lap, “I always try to keep her from moping, not counting with that Jordan debacle.” Wetting his lips again he asked, “How long till you come back?”

“I won’t, unfortunately, when filming is through here for you both she’s sending the furniture to her place in New York while I’m working in England. She’s got some free time there through the Daredevil premier till she heads to England.”

Lee asked after wetting his lips again, “You don’t like me, do you?” That made Richard smirk again, “Because you’re supposed to be proposing to her.” Right off Richard’s brow ticked up, “I saw you walk out of that jewelry shop, when are you proposing?”

“I am still working on that.”

Lee whispered, “But you have a ring?”

“I have one, my brother’s helping me come up with a plan. Easier back in England.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

“Keep her from moping, least you could do for your girlfriend. I smell breakfast, come get some food.” He said standing up to head to the kitchen. Once there he grinned easing his hand across your belly to peer over your shoulder pressing a kiss to your free cheek as the other was holding your phone. “I’ve got it, Love,” he murmured into your ear guiding you away from the oven to take over cooking smirking as he caught your turn in time for Lee to come into the kitchen.

Passing you Lee leaned in to kiss your cheek too and got to helping with the food, not too long after you hung up and turned to set the table for the three of you. “What are you two up to later?” Lee asked looking you both over taking a bite of his food.

“I have to read through tomorrow’s script still, that reservation episode is still driving me up the wall,” gaining a smirk from Lee, “And you won’t help either antagonizing me the whole time.”

Richard hummed, “What are you up to?” lifting his mug for a sip.

Lee, “Just the go-kart race track with the guys. You can come too if you like?” He looked to you as you lowered your fork lifting a finger while you chewed, “Right, Jen is coming down.”

“Maybe next time. Plenty of time to shame the guys on the track yet.”

Lee post smirk wet his lips and drew in a breath, “I can eat at mine tonight,”

Richard smirked saying, “No need for that. If she’s wanting time with Jaqi we can help to keep Jen’s mind off her soon to be ex.”

Swallowing your mouthful you said, “I don’t even know why she called me other than I’m out here away from everyone else.”

The guys both said, “You’re her friend.”

Richard continued, “If I was going through that I’d want you to be with me. Even the other Jen calls on her rough days,”

Lee, “And Naomi let you in on her plan. Said she was torn between the roles. Has she called since you got the role?”

“Well, they still haven’t gone public yet, and she said she’d be off to email only on her new project thanks to shoddy reception.”

Richard, “Should be some interesting fireworks then.”

The conversation veered around to other things that could be done through the week noticed from trips around town. And once cleaned up at the time Lee said, “Better get a shower in before the guys get here, you two have fun,” his move in wasn’t missed and right on the lips he claimed a sweet kiss and smiled in his pull back.

“No kiss for me?” Richard teased.

With a shake of his head Lee chuckled to himself and at Richard’s step over they traded pecks on the cheek and Lee said, “Have fun you giant teddy bear.” Turning for the door to let himself out through another lingering smile your way.

Behind the closed door Richard smiled easing closer to you in the shift of your eyes to him. Straight to your hips his hands settled and smoothed upwards in his lean in to begin a trail of his lips down your neck, “While we’re alone, let me give you a rubdown and draw us up a bath my Love.”

Smirk melting across your lips your hands eased up around his shoulders in the firm smooth of hands up your sides onto your back, “I love you, you know that.”

Lowly he chuckled against your neck tightening his arms to lift you up and carry you to the bedroom to lay you out. Kneeling above you again he hummed continuing the kisses along your neck with hands working against your back firmly unable to move at the thighs holding him in place in this loving embrace. To your forehead his moved with a tap of noses at the sudden sniffle from your seeing the pants Lee had left on the end of the bed in fetching your phone. “I love you, it’s me and you always. Lee’s always been there, it’s always been us three. Not sure if he’ll be wanting another three way tumble, but it’s always gonna be you and me, no matter who he flits off to.”

Anxiously you wet your lips and you asked, “You think he’ll want to again, us three?”

“I think it had a lot to do with the wine, we did pop the third before the teasing started. Honestly I don’t know what he wants or would want, I know he still loves you and he’s comfortable sleeping with you after you were his first, hard to shut you off, I was miserable without you. For now, until I have to go and get naked for someone else I’d like to keep cuddled up with you while I can.” Stealing another kiss to your lips he hummed, “So no tears about last night.”

Weakly you said, “I didn’t plan-,”

“I know, and I doubt he did. He’s been picking up hints from your dad no doubt and has been asking about our future plans. He knows it’s you and me always. I know I hurt you when I slept with Tiffany, and there is no chance I would ever think you would do anything like that, and I will never hint otherwise. We chose together the three of us, I know your past and his feelings and I’m not threatened by that to dare to say anything hurtful about it. Please don’t be scared this does nothing to damage us at all.” Sweetly in a partial pout he asked, “Now can I flip you over and rub your back?” Up you lifted and stole a kiss of your own letting your legs loose granting your chuckling Mate to start the rubdown starting the afternoon of cuddling post bath to a show on tv.

“I love you, so much more than oceans can fight.” You murmured clinging closer to his side stretched out on the couch widening his already bright smile from the kiss you planted on his neck and burrow of your head there gripping at his shirt in a try to bring him closer to you.

“Oceans don’t stand a chance, my formidable Love,” he hummed back adjusting the blanket and his arms more across your back feeling you drifting off to sleep. Keeping you there until a convenient stretch from you a while later let him climb up out of your hold to hurry to the bath to relieve his bursting bladder. Jen Garner had arrived and asked to have lunch the next day hoping for a long nights rest and meal alone to deflate granting the three of you to blend back into another tame supper and night apart once your sheets were dried and the bed made again.

.

Quiet out of the bath while you remained asleep, now on the bed, Richard crept. Walking in the path of light lit by the lowly glowing aquarium lamp with tiny floating fish inside giving off bubble sounds on the shelves along the wall as a sort of nightlight used thanks to the trains of big rigs that woke you up in their path behind the building from the warehouse a while down the road in your first week there. He never got an answer for what nightmare they set off to have you jolt out of bed near to screaming halfway already to tears. Something he hoped was coincidental or drawn from a horror film of some sort. All the same while that usual train of big rigs came through sounding off he smiled to the sight of those unruly curls sprawled about halfway into your face nestled into the pillow supporting it and arms above your head matching the awkward sprawl of your legs. Impatient to sleep to bask in the time to cuddle even when unconscious with him now turned over when he slipped out of bed.

Sheets half strewn and wrinkled beyond repair until he would come back righting them to draw close to your side again. Somehow the notion was back on his mind, your wedding night, just that first night where you were secured together having vowed to be bound to one another forever. Deep back in the closet even in the dark he found the hiding place for the rings he had made up and once that cold metal touched his palm from your ring he slipped his ring right on his ring finger smiling to himself in the dark. Slowly he crept closer with yours in hand and to the bed he went hovering over you finding the right finger that after a few hushed huffs of hot air inside the ring to not jolt you awake.

Rather easily it slid over your lowest knuckle inching his smile painfully wider at the perfect fit, that smile dropped however at your brows scrunching up and body tucking to roll over onto your side stirring an urge to tell you to stop or turn back. Instantly his hands were over his mouth in his wide eyed stare in your settling back into the bed. Right up under the pillow your left arm curled and he caught his opening, around the bed up to the headboard he crept resting his hand on the wood frame to reach out lifting the edge of the pillow slow and steady. Sideways around your fingers his hovered to rest on the metal, down to your face from the ring his eyes darted and leaning in he pressed his lips to your cheek stirring a shift in your body aiding in the subtle tug of the ring. Back into his palm it was tucked and in a step back he let out a breath turning to head back and hide the rings away again smile back noting that the fit was just perfect.

“Richy,” lowly you whined to the sound of the engines cranking up again in the shift of gears hastening his rush to tuck the rings back in their place and turn to be back.

“Right here,” he said from the closet luring a disapproving slumbering huff in response hurrying him along to silence any shadow hidden pout sure to follow. “Right here,” he hummed again sliding back into bed drawing your shifting self to his chest again tangling with you to his favorite position halfway across your body granting tons of sleepy kisses to your cheek and nose to help you stir.

 *

Halfway sprawled over Lee woke for his waking trip to the toilet groaning, barely able to make it there before his body dropped to the floor. “Agh,” he groaned wincing at the excruciating pain radiating from his right side upwards. To his knees he managed with tears threatening to pool into his eyes from the pain to the far wall of his bedroom where he managed to drop to his side whispering, “Jaqi-,” curling a fist he took a pained swing failing to catch his breath.

On the other side of the wall softly you grumbled in your sleep at the thump spoiling your late morning off in bed. Into your neck Richard huffed only to grumble himself at the second thump. “Lee have-,”

Two more thumps came quickly opening the Brit’s eyes making him lift his head as you turned yours with hearts quickening at the trio of thumps coming next and a muffled sound of what could be a groan. Together up you popped and hurried to pull on clothes and slippers, the last thing you grabbed was your key ring including the spare to his apartment he’d given you upon moving in for a spare to yours and out you shot. Straight to his door you went with Richard locking yours behind you to race inside his after you, “Lee?” You panted out answered by a pained groan.

“I can’t-,” he groaned out setting his head on the floor with eyes shut hearing you entering his bedroom.

“Lee,” you said on the way over to drop at his side looking him over as Richard stopped in the doorway inspecting the scene himself. “Is it your head, or stomach?”

“I stood up, and,” he panted again, “Just, this pain up my side.”

“Right side?” You asked and he nodded. “Okay,” you said easing his shirt up, “I’m gonna press on your side, it’s gonna hurt.” He groaned but clenched his eyes at Richard’s move closer to watch you press into his right side, the press made him groan but clenching into a ball he groaned loader at your hand releasing.

“Why did you do that?” gritting his teeth the pain now had tears in his eyes.

“That’s the appendix.”

“I’m gonna get you up, Lee, Jaqi you can get the car.” You nodded accepting the keys from him as Richard tucked Lee in his arms and lifted him bridal style only luring another groan, “I know it hurts but over the shoulder will be worse.” Around the room you grabbed his phone, wallet and keys leading the way out and locking up to the lot where you brought the car over opening the door from inside for Lee to be eased and buckled into the seat. Locking eyes with Richard panting for air through the pain he groaned again and Richard said, “Just sit tight, hospital in no time.” From the front to back seat he moved closing the doors behind him to buckle in as you turned the wheel starting the drive as Lee tired to relax back against the seat with eyes closed.

“Just another block,” you said at the final light seeing the hospital in sight, “Then they’ll get you fixed up.”

“My,” he panted out and inhaled to pant out, “my mom,”

“I’ll call them when we get you booked in.”

Richard said, “My brother had his appendix out when we were kids it’s quite a simple surgery and you weren’t half as bad as he was, painted half our bedroom by the time we found out it wasn’t a stomach bug.”

You nodded as Lee looked your way, “Three of my cousins’ kids have had them and two of my cousins, even my uncles have scars from theirs when dad was raising them. I’ve even looked into it, small cut and some clamps and then cut and singe off the tube thingy going to the appendix and it’s done, feel so much better after.”

Lee, “Have you had the surgery?”

“No, but I have had my tonsils out,” you said glancing to the halfway smirking Lee, “I know it’s not the same, but it kinda is, you can live without both of them.”

Lee panted out, “What I get,” making you look at him again from the road then back again, “pretending to sleep with Tracy.”

“Oh I highly doubt that is what did it,” Richard hummed helping to keep Lee upright in the final turns. Parked in the closest spot at the emergency room you both got out with Richard unbuckling Lee he eased his arms around again, “Almost there big guy.” You shut the car and shivered in the rush across the crosswalk.

The sight of the tall person being carried in had a gurney brought over and as Lee stretched out you said, “His appendix. I don’t think he’s been sick. Found him on the floor.” Sharing his blood type and a bad reaction to a medication he was given as a kid to help him pass something he swallowed making a couple nurses smirk at the irrelevant medication but glad all the same to have been informed of the reaction all the same.

Lee’s hand gripped yours and he said, “Jaqi-,” as the doctor from the ER called for an operating room to be prepped and nurses to bring over the prepping IV.

“Cut, clamp, cut, singe, stitch, done. We’re right here,” he drew in another breath letting you go at your peck on his cheek, letting the staff take over at Richard’s confirming pat on his shoulder through the confirming press the Doctor gave to his side.

Holding the clipboard you sat with Lee’s wallet filling in everything you could with Richard beside you stroking your back and walked over taking the papers for you and the nurse there said they had wheeled Lee back. “Thank you,” he said and turned to go back and bring you into his side pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Just took him back, his parents answer yet?”

“No,” you said still holding Lee’s phone, “Will’s on a trip and they’re out in Oklahoma with his sister. I said he’ll be fine.”

“He will be, you gonna call work? Let them know?”

That had your head turn to see the flashes from outside of the two photographers who had been camped out at your place since Jen had come to town hoping to catch her dropping by as her hotel had stricter surgery. “They’re not up for a few hours at least. Still dark out. I’ll call in the morning.”

Not even ten minutes into the first magazine Richard had brought over the phone began to ring and answering the call you said, “Mr Pace, ya hey, Lee’s still in surgery but he seemed to be early on in symptoms. The doctor didn’t seem bothered by anything.”

“Well,” he cleared his throat, “That sounds good, um, we can’t exactly fly out,” he said clearly having just woken up to check on his sick mom they’d flown out to help with the family home.

“Oh no I get that. We’re here I just wanted you guys to know. I’ll keep you posted and have Lee call you later.”

“Thank you Jaqi, really. Couldn’t have happened at a worse time when at least his mom couldn’t fly out.” A voice calling out had him saying, “Um,”

“That’s ok, I got him here, you take care of Gran Pace few days and he should be up and ready to go.”

“We’ll talk later, thank you Jaqi.” He hung up and you smoothed a hand over your forehead stealing another glance at the growing number of flashes through the opening doors as another patient arrived until a ring from your own cell phone drew your focus.

Your dad’s number was on the screen and you answered, “Dad?”

“Pumpkin, whose hurt? My friend up there said you’re on the news you’re at the hospital?”

“Lee’s appendix is giving him trouble,” that had him exhale in relief, “Ya, Rich carried him in and they’ve got him on the table now.” You wet your lips, “It’s on the news and they didn’t say who was sick?”

“They just saw you with a guy carrying another guy to the hospital. He alright?”

“Scared,” you said, “But shouldn’t be long now and I think work should be fine giving him a few days easy work. Sorry we worried you.”

“No, worry me, any time. Both you kids up there we need to worry from time to time. You ok?”

“Good, he was just on the floor when we found him. You ok? They didn’t wake you up?”

“Up to the sheep here in a bit, not too early, Pumpkin. All good here. Looks like the biggest birthing year yet coming up, they’re glad to have me around again for some more heavy lifting. But I’m never more than a flight away, don’t want to use up all your minutes, but call me if you need to talk ok? I love you.”

“Love you, Daddy, I will, hug the sheep for me.” Earning a chuckle from him before the call ended.

Pt 36

Hobbit – Soulmate - @evyiione​​, @deepestfirefun, @rhaenaatargaryen, @anastasialovers

X all Rich. A - @abiwim​, @deepestfirefun​, @thestorybookmistress

X Lee P - @tigereyesf​

All –

@himoverflowers​, @theincaprincess​​, @aspiringtranslator​​, @thegreyberet​​, @patanghill17​​, @jesgisborne​​, @curvestrology​​, @alishlieb​​, @jogregor​​, @armitageadoration​​, @fizzyxcustard​​, @lilith15000​​, @marvels-ghost​​, @catthefearless​​, @imjusthereforthereads​​, @c-s-stars​​, @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore​​, @mariannetora​​, @shes-a-killer-kween​, @ggbbhehe4455

[magicrowiswritingstuff]

"Screw ups" - Damian Wayne x female!reader

Summary: The reader hates everything associated with love. No romance novels or movies would every cross and survive her path. She hates seeing couples kissing in public, hates seeing how her friends find their loving partners and only talk about that from then on but nevertheless she still tries to support them. But then she falls, she falls hard. And from all the people in the world it had to be Damian Wayne, her best friend. Someone she had sympathized with because he felt the same way about all this stuff. But now she wasn't sure anymore if she really hated all this stuff.

Warnings: swearing (reader swears A LOT in this)

Category: fluffy angst (?)

Words: about 11.000

Note: Reader and Damian are in their late teens/early adult years. They go to school/university together or something idk Note 2: I really tried to make Damian´s character authentic (even though it´s an AU … sort of) but I still think it´s kinda iffy ... but I guess it´s better now then before I rewrote some of it thanks to @quillsareswords​ advice of using thesaurus.com and rewatching the movies he was in. Nervertheless I hope whoever is reading this enjoys it since it was a lot of fun to write.

_________________________________

"Screw ups” - Damian Wayne x fem!reader

"No way" you huffed and crossed your arms before your chest. One eyebrow was raise as you looked at your friends, one of them holding a DVD case out to you. Big white letters spelled out the title: Titanic. "You all know I hate these kinds of movies. I thought we had agreed to watch anything else during our movie nights?" You and your closest friend group decided a long time ago to meet at least once every two weeks to watch one movie together. Where you would meet cycled through the group at first but now you would just meet by the person who picked the movie that time. And one condition you established was: Every movie was allowed as long as it wasn't primarily a romance movie. You had to settle on 'primarily' because otherwise all your friends wouldn't have agreed. But Titanic definitely didn't fall into that. Under no circumstances would you ever watch it. Your friends looked at themselves and snickered before turning back to you. "You really thought we didn't notice?" Confused you narrowed your eyes. Something was up. "Notice what?" "Oh my god, you really think we are blind, don't you?" one of them said with a shocked face. You couldn't tell if it was staged or not. But what you knew was that you probably wouldn't like the path this conversation was heading. "What the hell are you talking about?" You slowly grew annoyed, especially when your friends began to giggle again. "We saw you listening to 'All of Me' from John Legend." In an instant your eyes widen and you could feel your cheeks getting hot. Fuck. "No, you didn't! You couldn't... because I don't listen to that crap" you stumbled over your own words as you tried to deny it. But you had already lost the debate because it was true and they knew it already. "Don't try to deny it, (Y/N)" one said. "Yeah, we all saw the way you look at him." It felt like your heart stopped beating for a second. Your hands and feet suddenly felt so cold while you could feel the heat rising inside your chest towards your cheeks again. Fucking dammit, why were you blushing so goddamn much? "Who?" was the only thing you could say even though you already knew the answer. And they knew it too. "Who? You really think we are blind and dumb!" one of your friends said with pouty lips. "Who, you ask? Gotham's one and only billionaire's son Dam-" before they could finish their sentence you put your hands over their mouth, shushing them. "Don't you dare say it out loud! I'm not looking at anyone!" "Ow, it's so cute how you still try to deny it." You growled, the awkward heat from before was replaced with hot rage. "I'm not fucking cute! And everything you say and think is not true!" Good, why were you still trying to deny it? It had no use anyway. They would never let it go. They would never let you go. "It's so heartwarming!" "You definitely have to join us on a double date!" "I can't believe I'm living to this day! Witnessing (Y/N) having a crush." "But why did it have to be Damian? He's so cold." "No, they match perfectly! Two stones that will warm each other’s heart." "Stop it!" you yelled. "It's not cute or heartwarming it's fucking humiliating. I don't like it one bit and would gladly change my feelings back." It was silent for a few seconds before all your friends faces stretched into huge smiles. "She admitted it! She said she has feelings!" You only groaned and let yourself fall onto the coach before the TV, no longer listening to all their chit-chat. You knew you shouldn't have listened to that sappy song in public. Even with your headphones on it was stupid of you. Now they would never let it go. Oh god, they will make you watch all their favorite romance movies! And talk about their relationships endlessly. About dates they went on or poems they found and liked. Yikes. No, only because your body made you feel this way whenever you saw him didn't mean you suddenly liked all this shit. It was still fucking annoying and dumb. It was still something you didn't want for yourself. Of course you loved your friends but that was something completely different. For them you would do almost everything. You listened to them when they told you about their partners or dates and you always tried to be supportive. And you did the same for Damian. He was your best friend even though your body, your feelings demanded more. But you still didn't like it. You hated it. You would never watch a romantic movie or read a romance novel. You would never get roses and put them into a vase to see them slowly die over a few days. You would never run through the world tinted in pink. But you couldn't help it sometimes. You had found that song on accident. And you wanted to click it away but then you heard the first few words and it lulled you in. It made you feel like a prisoner. But it felt so good too. God, you were disgusting. "Guys, guys! We have a problem." Your eyes darted back to your friends who still stood in a circle and talked excited about you. "What?" You bend forward a little and worried what they were plotting again. "(Y/N) will never ever act on her feelings! She will never confess!" Oh no. You stood up before anyone else could speak up. All the attention was back on you. "No way, don't you dare tell him anything about this." "Oh, you admitted it to be him!" They started giggling … again. You huffed. "Okay, yeah I have a crush on Damian. So what? It's not like he will return it. So you better not tell him anything or I will make you pay. I don't want to lose the only friend that shares the same view about all this crap. All this feelings bullshit is only complicating everything and I'm just waiting for it to pass." All your friends that looked so excited only a few seconds ago now looked sad. They pitied you. One stretched their arm put towards you but you backed away. "God, I can't deal with this shit today. Go watch your movie without me. I'm leaving." You stormed to the door, grabbed your jacket while running and threw it on you before shutting the door behind you. Today was definitely not your day and you couldn't wait for it to end.

_________________________________ Oh, but the next day wasn't better in the slightest. All of your friends spammed your group chat with all kind of 'lovely' pictures they had found on the internet together with 'subtle' messages about love and feelings. You knew what they were trying to do. They wanted you to confess. But that would never happen. You would never let that happen. You silenced the chat and distracted you with anything else. There were a few clothing pieces that maybe needed to be cleaned? You did the laundry. You found dust on your dresser? You cleaned the whole apartment. Your favorite show was on TV? You dropped everything else and escaped into it. Well, your distraction held as long as your phone was silent because after maybe four or five episodes it dinged. You grabbed it, a little confused since you had silenced the group chat for 8 hours, but the message that now held your focus wasn't from your friends´ chat it was from your chat with Damian. Without knowing what it was about your heart began to beat faster and you could feel a small smile form on your lips. Shaking your head you tried to suppress it. 'Stop it, no. Don't be stupid.' But your body didn't obey you. You opened his chat:

"Are you ready?" A confused frown adorned your face. "Ready for what?" you texted back. It only took a few seconds for him to respond. "The art museum." Oh shit. Your eyes grew wide. In your struggle to forget all that feelings bullshit and Damian you actually forget the agreed meeting with Damian today. You looked at the clock: it's almost quarter past two and you were supposed to meet at two o'clock sharp. "Fuck." "I knew you would forget it." That somehow hurt even though you knew Damian was always rather blunt so he often said something hurtful he didn´t intend to be. Though, you also knew yourself to be pretty forgetful. But it wasn't often that you completely forgot a planned meeting. Most of the time you just forgot how long you had to walk or drive to arrive to the agreed place so you would almost always arrive there late.  But you would arrive. "I'm sorry. Tell me where you are and I'll be there in a minute!" He didn't respond but you still saw that he was online. Impatiently you waited for any kind of reaction that didn't come. Then suddenly the doorbell rang. Surprised you jumped a little and then slowly made your way towards the door. Opening it you had to look up to greet the person standing behind it. "Hello, (Y/N)" Damian said with a smirk. "Hey" you were only able to say and stepped aside to let him in. Closing the door afterwards you stood still for a second, pressed your eyes close and tried to calm your breathing before turning around to face him. "I'm so sorry, I was doing so much stuff today I completely lost track of the time." He waved you off. "It´s alright. I intended to pick you up anyway since Alfred isn´t driving us today. Your absentmindedness fitted very well into it." You huffed, crossed your arms before your chest and raised one eyebrow. "I'm not that forgetful" you stated annoyed and a little hurt. But you tried to remind yourself that he didn´t mean it that way. ´Pull yourself together and start thinking again!´ "Not normally at least" you added, dropped your arms to your sides and walked past him to your room. "Let me change and we can be on our way." You looked at yourself through the mirror on your bedroom wall: baggy shirt and sweatpants. Nothing unusual, nothing Damian hadn't seen you in before but you felt a little embarrassed anyway. 'Stupid, mushy feelings.' Opening your dresser you grabbed anything else to wear. "How was movie night yesterday?" Damian's voice rang through the living room to your ears. "I left early" you stated in a matter-of-fact manner and tossed the baggy shirt on your bed. "Why is that?" You groaned before putting on the new top. Stripping yourself of your sweatpants you also tossed them away before opening your wardrobe and grabbing clean looking jeans. You also put them on and then left your room after one final check in the mirror. Damian had took a seat on your couch and turned around to look at you. "They tried to make me watch titanic" you finally answered him. You made a gaging sound which made Damian snicker. Rolling your eyes you grabbed your phone and keys. "Now come on let's go, I kept you waiting long enough." _________________________________ The museum was more entertaining than you thought when you agreed to go. Well, you couldn't really decline since you had chosen last time and Damian definitely didn't like what you made him do. You had dragged him to Gotham's fair. And even though you sometimes forgot he was the son of Bruce Wayne the general public definitely didn't. Most of the time he just tried to escape the paparazzi while he left you to yourself. He said he didn't want you to be involved with all this stuff and you gladly agreed. You didn't have to end up on the front page of every tabloid of Gotham. "Who is Damian Wayne's new girlfriend?" "Gold digger alert! Someone is throwing themselves at the billionaire's youngest son." God, you wouldn't be able to take a breath without them writing about it. At first you just grew more annoyed by them by the second but at the end of the day you were mostly sad that you couldn't really enjoy the time together. That's why he wore slightly more casual clothes than he would usual wear right now. He didn't want the day to end like the last time the two of you tried to have fun. And lucky for both of you nobody seemed to notice or care, at least for now. But what was undoubtedly boring was looking at all of the drawings. Damian wouldn't leave out even one! And when you questioned him about it and if it was fun to him he only responded with one of his typical sayings: "I wasn't raised to have fun." In the past you were a little surprised and worried whenever he would say something like that especially because he never would provide any specific reasoning or any kind of explanation even if you asked him directly. But now you only raised one eyebrow at him before deciding to change his grouchy mindset. So that´s why you decided to make it a little more entertaining for yourself and him. While Damian still mostly tried to figure out the deeper meaning of the pictures you just blurted out the first thing you thought about when looking at them with the goal of making him laugh and have fun even if it´s only for a little while. Currently the two of you were looking at Jean-Honoré Fragonard's 'The Swing' and once again you just couldn't stop yourself. "It should have been called 'The S-Wingman'." Damian turned around to look at you rather irritated. "Don't look at me like that. Look!" you pointed to a man on the right side of the picture almost engulfed into the shadows. He was holding some strings that were attached to the swing the lady was sitting on. "They definitely planed it so the other one could look up her skirt." Even though he really didn't want to Damian couldn't suppress his laughter completely. Low grunts left his lips before he groaned in annoyance. "You are insufferable. Why am I tormenting myself with you?" You punched him in the rips playfully and staged a wounded look. "How dare you insult me, you arrogant prick" you said with a vain sounding voice. "You just don't get the higher understanding of art, fucking loser" you joked. Damian huffed under his breath: "Watch your tone." You knew he didn't like it whenever he heard you cussing but well, he just had to get over it. Besides, you already were swearing a lot less when you were around him then when you were with anyone else. "Deal with it, Wayne."

You two kept joking around when you suddenly saw something reflecting in the corner of your eye. You turned towards it only slightly before realizing what or better who it was. A man with a far too obvious disguise and a big camera -far too professional to be a tourist's camera- was looking at the two of you. With worry in your eyes you tugged at Damian's sleeve to get his attention and then mouthed 'paparazzo' as soon as he looked at you. He noticed them only a second later. Grabbing your arm he walked into the crowd, trying to lose the man following you. Damian fell into a sprint as soon as you both left the room the paparazzo was still in. He directed you to an almost empty room in which a new, only temporary artwork was standing in: a weird constellation of mirrors. It looked like a mirror cabinet. But what you also noticed was that this room didn't have another exit. Before you could ask Damian what his plan was he dragged you along with him again. It was this moment you realized that it didn't just look like a mirror cabinet, it was a mirror cabinet. And you would be hiding in it. Well, at least that seemed to have been Damian's plan. The only problem: it wasn't constructed to be a functioning mirror cabinet. There was only one way leading right through it with only one small corner in which you would be out of view. This meant that the two of you were now tightly pressed against each other, trying to fit into the small space. With Damian's rather big frame? Almost impossible. You never were so glad you were smaller than someone else because if you would have met his height you would have had to press your face against his. And with your current feelings bullshit? God that would have been a living hell. But maybe that would have been better than being almost squeezed to death by his chest. You were never so close to him before. You could feel every muscle under his shirt move, his heart beating and his breath on your head. You tried to breathe in deep to calm yourself down but that only made it more awkward since you now knew exactly what he smelled like. 'God, please somebody end me right here and now!' An annoyed almost helpless sounding grunt left your lips which only made Damian press further into the corner. "Be quiet! If he finds us now the headlines will never end" he hissed. You tried to look up at him, squeezed your head past his chest and caught his eyes. "It was your fucking idea to hide here in this awkward position!" you whisper-yelled and glared at him. God, you could feel the heat rising up in you again. 'Not cool, body' you thought. You were definitely blushing right now. Then your eyes widen in realization. "When do we know that he left?" Well, you didn't. You stayed in that position for too many minutes. After you almost had a heart attack Damian finally moved and let you breathe out deeply in relief. "Anyone out there?" you asked but didn't move. Somehow you couldn't, you were frozen in fear of stumbling. Damian shook his head and turned towards you again. He laughed a little. "God, if someone would have found us..." "We would have seemed like the most disgusting couple ever!" you finished his sentence out of reflex and laughed as well. You were such a mess right now. Your emotions were on a roller-coaster and your knees weak. 'Pathetic.' "TT, ironic." You giggled. Yes, giggled. You never giggled. You laughed, you grunted, you grinned, you smirked but never ever in your life before had you ever been giggling. You had to leave this place right now. "Let's get out of here" you said. Still snickering -you somehow didn't seem to be able to stop- you grabbed his wrist and dragged him along. Maybe some fresh air would calm you down. _________________________________ After leaving the museum -you promised Damian to go there with him some other time since he couldn't finish his walk through- you found your way to the nearest park. Unfortunately so did many couples too. Since it was the one nice day in Gotham many decided to go picnicking. Your thoughts were literally split in half. On the one hand you bickered with Damian about how insufferable they all were and how you hated all this sappy nonsense -and you really did hate it- but on the other hand you wished it to be the two of you sitting on a blanket, looking deeply into each other's eyes, kissing. Shaking your head you forced yourself to stop. You whished all this feelings would just stop. It would only end up ruining everything. You didn't want to lose your best friend just because of some chemicals in your body that made you feel and act like a complete idiot. You needed something to distract yourself. Don't think about the people around you. Don't think about what they do and how much you would like to do that too currently. Don't think about Damian in this way! Stop! "Are you alright, (Y/N)?" You flinched, caught off guard and looked up. You had stopped moving so Damian was a few feet in front of you. He examined you with one eyebrow raised and waited for a response. The green of his eyes looked so vivid in this moment it completely sucked you in. You were definitely starring. "Ye-yeah, everything's fine." You cursed yourself silently for stuttering. 'Get your shit together!' "Just lost in thought." Your eyes wandered behind Damian and you stopped talking. Today was not your day. Before you could speak up, grab Damian and leave or do literally anything it was already too late. "(Y/N)!" one of your friends yelled. They were running towards you now, with huge smiles on their faced that read ´Got'cha´. Damian looked confused but also vaguely pissed off before he turned around. You walked up to him, standing next to him now before your friends could reached the two of you. Damian greeted them briefly but you just glared at them with a death stare. 'Don't you dare!' 'Oh, we dare.' "Hey Damian!" your friends greeted back. "What a coincidence meeting you here!" "Why are you all here?" you asked sternly. Some began to snicker. Oh, something was up. They had something planned. "After our movie night yesterday we decided to make it a surprise sleepover. And because of the nice weather we then decided to go walk around town together" one explained. "We would have asked you to join but we knew you were busy." You nodded. For only a split second all your friends looked at themselves before shifting their attention back to you and Damian. They had agreed on something silently you just knew it. "That reminds me" one started and stared at Damian while continuing to talk. "How was your da-" "Great" you interrupted immediately before they could finish their sentence. Oh. My. God. They really dared to do it. They wanted to make you confess or they would do it for you. You could feel your cheeks heat up again. Fuck. You hoped Damian didn´t notice anything but knowing him now for quite some time he probably already suspected something was up. One quick glance from the corner of your eye confirmed it. His eyebrows were knitted while his eyes darted between your friends. He was already trying to put the pieces together. "Great" you repeated. "Except for one paparazzo following us." "Oh, how unfortunate." You could have smelled the sarcasm from across the street. You knew what they meant. You had told them about the last meeting with Damian. And they knew what a picture would have caused and thought that that maybe would make you confess. Oh, but you won't break. You just couldn't. "Hey, how about you two join us?" one suggested. "Yeah! We are on the search for some ice-cream right now. Come with us." You wanted to decline immediately but that would have made Damian even more suspicious. So you pressed your lips together and looked up at him. You asked him silently with one raised eyebrow if he would like to join your friends. He knew how they were. He knew their tendency to talk about all the stuff you two disliked. So you hoped he would decline for you but he didn't. He shrugged his shoulders and said: "Whatever." Which basically meant he just gave his approval. 'Goddammit, Damian you will be the death of me!' You sighted and nodded. "Okay."

You never felt so exhausted while being with your friends. You were always on the watch, listening to what they said ready to intervene if necessary. But they only teased you, you knew it. They used weird words that had never left their mouths before -code words- which only made you even more paranoid. You were considering killing them. Well, not really. But you wanted to get back at them so bad for making this so hard for you. You had thought they noticed how much you hated your current situation but it seemed like they didn't care. You felt yourself drifting away in your thoughts so you shook your head. 'Come on, focus!' You couldn’t let them tell him. Then suddenly one of your friends squealed in excitement which made you jump in surprise. "Look! So sweet." You followed their sight to see a man proposing to his girlfriend. Of course, all your friends would like that. They began to swoon over it and talking about how they wished this for themselves too. "Uh, yikes" you said under your breath and crossed your arms. Someone pricked you in the side which made you turn around. But only Damian was standing to your right and his arms were tightly pressed against his sides. He felt your gaze and turned towards you. Immediately you could feel your cheeks getting hot. You looked away, now staring at the ground. Digging your nails into the flesh of your arms you focused only on your breathing. Or at least you tried to. Your thoughts were torturing you. You could only think about Damian. About his eyes, how they shined in the summer sun like all the hues of nature. Like the kind of sparking green of the grass that fought its way to the surface after a cruel, unforgiving winter. About his inky hair which reminded you of the pelt of a black wolf. Groomed but somehow still a little intentional messy in the most mystical, dangerous way. About his smell that hadn't left your nose since the museum. Fresh and woody like nature but with hints of his oil paints you knew he always used. But there had been something else, something more, something tougher. Wouldn't you know it better you would almost say he smelled a little bit like steel too. You thought about how his body felt pressed against your own, his heat slowly passing over to you, the beating of his heart. "Earth to (Y/N). Hello?" You blinked rapidly and looked up. You were surrounded by your friends who looked at you with staged concern. They tried to suppress their wicked grins. How did they know what you were thinking about? What the hell was going on? "Your face is so red, are you alright?" "Do you need something to drink? Sit down?" "We don't want you to have a heatstroke." You shushed them by shaking your head, your arms dropped to your sides. "No, don't worry. I'm not having a heatstroke" you said. But your friends wouldn't let you be. Of course not. They had a mission to fulfill. "Well, what else could it be?" One touched your forehead and cheeks. "You feel really hot." "If it's not a heatstroke what else?" "Are you upset?" "Were you thinking about something?" "Or someone?" You froze like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. Now your friends didn't even try to suppress their grins. They had you cornered. "What are you talking about?" you said in a dismissive manner. Your hands began to get sweaty and your heart beat faster than ever before. You felt dizzy and angry and anxious. Damian's presence didn't make it easier for you since you could feel him beside you, his gaze burning on your skin. How could you escape this situation? God, what to say? What to do? "Well, if it's not a heatstroke maybe you are just blushing." Your eyes grew wide. Oh fuck. "N-no" you wanted to add more, say more but your throat felt so tight, you couldn't speak up. Out of instinct you tried to back away only to pump into someone. You didn't even have to turn around to know that it was Damian, the grins of your friends already told you so. You flinched away from him, afraid of his touch. No, you couldn't let it happen. You held your hands up defensively trying to get some distance between you and him. "Are you feeling alright?" Wouldn't you know it any better you would have thought that Damian was hurt about your reaction. But your mind probably just played you tricks. "Oh, (Y/N)'s peachy" one of your friends said and hung an arm over your shoulder. "Hasn't she told you?" another added. Damian looked at you confused but you couldn't meet his gaze. You felt so helpless and idiotic. Why did you tell your friends? Why didn't you just deny it? Why were you stuttering? "No" Damian said a little wary. He also seemed pretty helpless but you were on a completely different level. You were absolutely with no doubt on the highest anxiousness and nervousness level with no clue what to do to prevent what was coming. "Well" another friend began and also put their arm around you. "Our little Miss 'Love is bullshit' has a-" "Stop!" you bellowed while breaking free from your friends grasps. Hot rage bubbled inside of you. "What the hell is wrong with you? You are supposed to be my friends! " Your breathing was livid. "I can't believe I'm dealing with you all!" You tugged at your hair, trying to not break out in tears right then and there. That would only be embarrassing. Not that all this wasn't deeply embarrassing anyway. "God, I-why... Aah!" you yelled not knowing what else to do, turned around, turned away from your friends and stormed of. Or at least you tried to. You only got away a few feet before someone stopped you. Damian had run after you and now stood in your way. Looking up at him you prayed you wouldn't start crying. "What's your problem?" he asked still pretty confused but now also annoyed. The day hadn't gone as he planned or imagined it to go. "Nothing" you tried to sound dismissing but your voice broke at the end. "I see something is bothering you so don´t try lying." "It's nothing!" you said anyway, clenched your teeth and walked around him. You had to get out of here. You had let it went too far even though you knew all this feelings stuff would destroy everything you had. You doubled your fists, biting your tongue. "Stop avoiding it, stop avoiding me and tell me!" Damian yelled behind you. You could hear his footsteps following you. "Let me be!" But he didn't. He leaped forward and grabbed your shoulders, turning you around in the progress. His gaze was intense, sucked you in again. No! You shook your head. You couldn't. "Cut it and talk to me" he began. "What's your problem?" "You." The word had left your mouth without thinking. "What-" he started but was interrupted by you. "You are my fucking problem!" you screamed and regretted it immediately. Your eyes went wide and you covered your mouth with your hands. You could hear your friends gasp. Their plan hadn't gone like they imagined either. God, you were an idiot. What the hell were you doing! Your changes were now definitely ruined, not that you had any to begin with. "What did I do that makes me so repulsive to you? Everything seemed fine before" Damian said and let you go. Now you were pretty sure he felt hurt even though he didn´t show it directly. The way his eyes hardened to shut you out told you everything. You stepped back a little, shocked about what and how you said it. "Dami- God, that's not-" you stuttered and stumbled over your own words again. Tugging at your hair you groaned helplessly. ´What the hell, it´s too late now anyway. Might just give him the truth now.´ "You make me act like such a loser and I hate it and I love it at the same time" You just said not really knowing you were the one speaking. And when you noticed what you said it was already too late because you no longer could stop the flow of words leaving your mouth. "I have a crush on you." Nobody said anything for a few seconds before you spoke up again. "And I hate it!" you didn't look up, too afraid of meeting his gaze. "I fucking hate the way you make me feel. I hate to feel the heat bubbling inside of me. I hate that it had to be you because I don't want to lose the thing we had before I fucked it up. I don't want to become one of those couples I despised whenever I see them making out in public. And at the same time I do! I want to touch you, be around you, look at you, kiss and kill you simultaneously for making my feel this way. I-" you couldn’t think about anything else you could or should add. You looked up, looked at his green eyes and just waited for any kind of reaction that didn't come. He seemed frozen, maybe even shocked. You had never seen Damian caught off guard, startled like a deer in headlights, unable to form any responds. Not even a disgusted "pathetic" left his lips, something you were sure he would say after your confession because you knew how he felt about all this. You knew him more than he maybe realized. And maybe that was what had brought your downfall. You let him get to close to you. You were at fault. You were the one ruining everything because of your stupid feelings. "I should go" you said, turned away from him and walked away. You ran so fast you didn't even hear your friends yell after you. You didn't even see them while turning away because hot tears clouded your vision. The only thought on your mind during your run home was that you fucked it up. You fucked up badly. _________________________________ "Just let this day end already" you begged while tossing and turning in bed. It was late, something after midnight but your mind wouldn't shut up, wouldn't let you drift off into a peaceful sleep. You were far to rattled. Why had you told him? Why hadn't you just sucked it up and continued to pretend everything was alright? ´Because you had wanted him to pull you towards him. You wanted him to hug you, hold you and do all those stupid things you never thought you would like.´ Groaning you threw away your blanket and stood up. Grabbing your hoodie that was laying on the floor you put it and your shoes on. You took your phone from the nightstand and walked to the window. The cold night air that hit you after opening it made you shiver slightly. You buried yourself deeper into the comforting warmth of the hoodie and climbed through the window and to the fire escape. A small sight escaped your lips as you closed your eyes and enjoyed the feeling of the fresh night air on your skin. It wasn't often that Gotham felt so peaceful. You turned your head and looked up. Only three stories higher and you would be in the roof, your safe zone. Climbing up the metal ladder was easy, cold but easy. Your hands shivered after you reached the roof but it was definitely worth it. You loved to look over the city from your point. The building you were living in was definitely not the highest, so you couldn't see everything from above but you liked it anyway. You could sit on the edge all night, watching the streetlights flicker and listening to your music. It made you forget where you were, where you lived and how bad it got sometimes. But now the city was uncharacteristically quiet. Only one police siren was audible from your location. It was so far away you couldn't even see the red and blue lights flicker through the streets. You sat down on the edge and unlocked your phone. Opening the music app you pressed the random button. You had gone up to the roof to forget this day, to try to get your mind at ease but of course one of those sappy songs you were listening to currently was the one that was selected. A song you would have hated a few weeks prior but now you only rolled your eyes, locked your phone and listened to it. The soft tones danced through the night air and slowly but surely made you relax. You still couldn't stop thinking about today but it didn't feel so suffocating anymore. Sighting you let yourself fall backwards, now lying flat on the roof so you could look up at the sky. The beauty of today's day was still holding on which meant that not that many clouds were covering the sky so you could look at the stars. Everything was peaceful up there and you probably would have fallen asleep if someone hadn't interrupted your peace of mind. "What are you doing?" You flinched and jumped up in surprise. Turning around you met the white lenses of non-other than Batman's sidekick: Robin. "God fucking dammit, you almost gave me a heart attack" you cussed and turned back towards the edge, looking at the city again. "Not very heroic of you." The vigilante only huffed. "I asked you something." "Why do you care? It doesn't concern you anyway but if I'm planning something evil I will let you know, don't worry" you spat, not in the mood to talk to anyone right now. Why was he here anyway? Didn't he have better things to do? "Shouldn't you run around town, I don't know, safe some people and stuff." You could hear faint steps coming closer to you. Peeking from the corners of your eyes you looked at him. He stood beside you, his arms crossed and jaw clenched. You had never been this close to any of Gotham's heroes before which was a good thing because normally that would mean you were in serious trouble and needed saving. But nothing was going on here so you didn't really know why he was with you right now. "Gotham is quiet today" was the only thing he responded to your question. You huffed, placed your arms on your knees and laid your head in your hands. Dangling your legs you let your eyes wander over Gotham but the vigilante beside you seemed to be on high alert since he looked around profusely. "Sit down and hold still you are making me twitchy" you said while darting your eyes back forward. It took a few seconds then he finally let himself relax a bit. He sat down with a few feet of distance and took his hood of. Immediately his dark hair got caught by the gentle wind and framed his sharp face. "You still haven't answered my question" he said after a while. "I have to disagree, I gave you an answer but it just wasn't the one you were looking for" you stated matter of factly. Robin groaned in response. You tried to concentrate on anything else, on your music that was still playing, on the cold air tingling the back of your neck, on the hard ground you were sitting on. Anything that would make you forget and relax again. "What are you listening to?" Robin asked and broke the comforting silence again. You darted him an irritated look. Why wouldn't he leave you alone? "I don't know, I pressed the random button." You answered in hope he would shut up then. But he didn't. "What's your name?" "Why should I tell you?" Robin turned towards you now as well. "Because I asked" he said likewise annoyed. "You wouldn't tell me yours if I asked so..." you responded half-heartedly and turned away. You could hear police sirens echoing through the streets again somewhere in the distance. "Why are you up here?" "Why do you care?" "Why are you so dismissive?" You looked at him. Your annoyance slowly turned into anger. "I don't know you and frankly I don't really want to talk to you or anyone right now. So maybe just do me a favor and fuck off." Robin didn't say anything but he also didn't move. An annoyed grunt left your lips. "Something is on your mind" he said without looking at you. "What's your fucking problem?" you hissed which made him knit his eyebrows, or at least you interpreted it in that way since his brows were covered by his mask. His jaw was clenched tightly again as if he had to suppress something he wanted to say. "What is my problem? You are the one being uncommunicative" he snarled back at you, his white lenses narrowed. You straightened your back and glared at him. "I didn't ask for your time. And maybe all those vigilante activities made you deaf or something but I don't want to talk to you" you said dwelling the last words very clearly annoyed. "I had a bad day- no I had a bad weekend and I just want to be alone right now." Robin's face softened a bit. He still seemed pretty annoyed but his jaw wasn't clenched anymore and his eyebrows relaxed slightly. "But maybe talking about it would help" he said quietly without pressuring you to answer him for once. You groaned and let yourself fall backwards again. One arm draped over your eyes. "I fucked up badly" you said no longer able to hold it in you. "I confessed something to my best friend and probably ruined our friendship." "Why do you think that?" You lifted your arm up to look at the vigilante again. "If I'm answering your questions you have to answer mine as well" you demanded. Robin hesitated. "Don't worry I won't ask you anything about your real self. Besides you don't have to tell me anyway if you don't want to answer a question." He still didn't say anything for a while before sighting: "Deal." You grinned in victory before letting your face fall blank again. "Why are you here? And don't come at me with 'Gotham is quiet'. You could relax at home or something but you are here. Why?" you asked but no answer was heard. Robin wasn't looking at you anymore, his eyes were wandering over the rooftops of Gotham's buildings. "I had a rough day, too. I think someone is angry with me" he responded finally. "Someone told me something important today and I think I didn't react properly and hurt their feelings in the process." You huffed. "You probably should have explained it better to them then." You could hear an almost inaudible, irritated sight coming from Robin. "They weren't listening." "Well, maybe they should have heard you out then." "They couldn't. They ran away before I was able to speak up." A weird feeling crept over you, something strangely familiar. You searched for his gaze but he was still looking straight forward. "Well, maybe they just couldn't stand what they imagined the answer would have been." The two of you were silent after that, nobody dared or wanted to speak anymore. After a while you grabbed your phone and looked at the time: almost two in the morning and you had to go to school tomorrow. Sighting you stood up. "I'm going to sleep, I have school tomorrow" you said and walked to the fire escape but turned towards the vigilante one last time. "Maybe you should too. Whoever you really are you probably still have a normal life." He nodded in response and also stood up. Walking to the other side of the building he grabbed his grappling hook. "Good night" he said before shooting it to a higher building. He was gone before you were able to respond. _________________________________ Waking up the next day -or rather four hours later- you felt awful. You just wanted to go back to sleep but you couldn't miss school today even though you really didn't want to walk into Damian today. Or every again for that matter. So that's why you avoided him all day. You walked to class not waiting for him -what you would have done normally- and ran out of the room before he could approach you. You felt so silly doing that but you just didn't have any other options. Your friends tried to talk to you but you avoided them too. Still too pissed at them for what they did. Or for what they made you do. Today was a living hell but after the last two days you could almost say you accustomed to it. You were only able to relax the moment you shut your apartment door closed behind you. Breathing in deeply you let yourself fall onto the bed and fell asleep immediately. You woke up hours later, the sun was already beginning to set when you realized you had still a lot of stuff to do. Groaning you stood up and dealt with everything. You even had enough energy to cook something. After you cleaned everything up you looked at the clock. It already was pretty late and completely dark outside but because of your nap you didn't feel tired. Sighting you decided to go up to the roof again. To your surprise somebody else already was on it when you arrived there. "What are you doing here again?" you asked while hoisting yourself up over the edge and sat down beside him. "Enjoying the view" Robin answered but you could swear you heard uncertainty in his voice. You arched one eyebrow at him. "For real?" you couldn’t help but ask in a sarcastic manner. "Pretty sure." "Why here? I've seen your grappling hook yesterday" you started and looked forward to the city. "You could swing up to Wayne Tower and not sit on this pathetic copy of a roof." A low sight left his lips. "What would be the difference?" "A magnificent view over all of Gotham?" you shot back. He only muttered something under his breath that sounded an awfully lot like ´Whatever´. You however would love to see this entire city from above. "I bet you would be so high up that you'd be able to breathe clean, fresh air" you sighted now fully engulfed within your imagination. "Seeing all of Gotham's lights flicker, being close to the stars. You probably would even be able to see the ocean." "Do you want to go there?" Your eyes snapped to Robin who was also looking at you. "What?" you asked and blinked confused. "Do you want to go to the roof of Wayne Tower?" he repeated. You still were a little shocked with his proposition. "Well, yeah. It would be cool but I don't think-" "I can bring you there" he uttered directly. Your eyes shone in excitement. You didn't even care that he had interrupted you. "Hell yeah!" He stood up with a smirk and held his hand out to you. You were only hesitant for a second before accepting it. "Hold on tight" he said and pulled you towards him. A little awkward you wrapped your arms around his neck. You were one hundred percent certain he would twine one arm around your waist but luckily for him he didn't dare to do it. But would you even be able to hold your weight all alone? Before you could speak up to tell him your concern he already shot the hook to the next building. You felt your body being pulled forward so you hold on as tight as possible. You just had to be able to do it on your own. "That was awesome!" you declared a little out of breath. It had been absolutely amazing swinging through Gotham but at the same time it had been a little terrifying too. Now the two of you were standing on the very top of Wayne Enterprises. Your legs were a little shaky but that didn't stop you from slowly creeping to the edge. Sitting down you let your eyes wander over the whole of Gotham, enjoyed the fresh air and wind blowing through your hair. "Damn" you were only able to say. Gotham was a shithole through and through but at night with the flickering street lights and so high up you couldn't hear the police sirens it felt really peaceful. You stared into the distance when your eyes widen. "You really can see the ocean from here" you whispered. You were so stunned you didn't even notice Robin taking place next to you with almost no distance between you two. Well, after your swinging adventure it really wasn't necessary anymore. But because he was so close now and before you were able to smell the leather of his uniform, the steel of his katana that was attached to his hip and a faint scent of wood and nature that hung on him like a shadow. The strange feeling from yesterday slowly fought its way to the surface again. "You didn't have to bring me here, I wasn't exactly nice to you yesterday but thank you" you finally broke the silence. He only grunted in response. You guessed that he wasn't angry at you and if he was he could have just dropped you earlier. "How are things?" you started again. "With them, I mean." Robin shrugged his shoulders. "I think they're still upset with me" he said still not looking at you. "They avoided me all day." "I'm sorry but maybe they just aren't ready to talk about it?" you suggested. "Why do you think that?" You scratched your neck uncomfortably. "Well, I kind of did the same thing" you muttered. "What happened between you and your best friend?" Robin asked and you remembered that you didn't really tell him. "I-Ehm" you spoke up but stopped. "God, it's so embarrassing and fucking stupid." You buried your head in your hands. "Watch your tone" Robin muttered under his breath and bit his lips immediately afterwards. You just ignored it and rolled your eyes. "I confessed to him that I have a crush on him" you finally said. Why were you even telling him that? Well, he didn't know you so he hopefully wouldn't judge you. "And I hate it so much" you continued. "Why is that?" he asked with an arched eyebrow. "Because I hate this mushy feelings nonsense. All my other friends are very romantic and bubbly about this topic and I just can't stand it. Or I used to at least. God, I don't know anymore. But he was the only one that got me. We could walk around Gotham and bicker about all those couples, make jokes about how disgusting it was, how neither of us liked or wanted that for ourselves. But then of course I had to catch feelings and it had to be him. And my friends found out and teased me and hinted on hit while he was there and..." you had to stop yourself to take a breath. You were definitely rambling. "And I ended up confessing and messed our friendship up." You lifted your head up but didn't look at Robin. Somehow you didn't dare to. For a few moments you only tried to calm yourself down again, breathing in deeply and staring at the lights of the city. "And I don't have the courage to face him" you finished your ramble. Robin reached one hand out to you but stopped before he touched you. Instead he pressed one finger against his earpiece and furrowed his brows. You stared at him from the corner of your eye. "Yes, I will be there shortly" he said to whoever was on the other end of the line before turning his attention back to you. "I'm sorry but I have to go" he said and stood up, holding his hand out to you again. You took it without hesitating this time and wrapped your arms around his neck again. No time to waste since he was needed somewhere and you didn´t want to be the one to keep him away when he was needed. You landed on your roof only a few minutes later, no shaking legs this time. You let go of Robin who opened his mouth but didn't speak up. Probably because he was listening to the message through his ear piece again so you just waited. "Yeah, I'm only a few streets away" he answered the person and then looked back at you. "Go inside, something is up only a few blocks from here" he ordered. You only huffed. "I can handle it if something should happen here" you responded and crossed your arms over your chest. Robin´s lenses narrowed. "I didn't ask." For a few seconds the two of you just stared at each other passive aggressively before you rolled your eyes and nodded, giving your okay. You could hear police sirens coming closer. Something big really must be happening only around the corner. Robin had turned towards the sound and grabbed his hook. But before shooting it he turned towards you one last time with some of his dark hair fallen into his face. "Good night and stay safe, (Y/N)" he said and disappeared in a hurry. "I-" you started and frowned but he was already gone. "I never told him my name." You sat on your roof quietly for a few more minutes even though you agreed you would go inside, his smell still in your nose and the picture of his black, messed up hair in your mind. The smell. A tough smell of leather and steel mixed with the softness of nature and freshly cut wood. And if you weren't imagining things he also smelled a little like oil too. "Oil?" you wondered. Then your eyes widen in realization. "Oh, fuck." _________________________________ How did you not realize it sooner? The voice. The way he spoke. How he didn't leave you alone on the first day of your meeting. His height and appearance. How he reminded you of your foul mouth. Finally his smell and him knowing your name. To say you were livid would have been an understatement but you somehow also felt really numb since you connected the dots. You stayed at home today. You didn't dare to go to school today. But now you were sitting on the roof again, hoping he would show up. But the time went on and everything kept quiet. 'Maybe something happened he had to deal with today' you thought while dangling your legs over the edge. It was already a few hours after midnight and even though you were rather tired and yawning profusely you would stay on the roof all night if you had to. The soft tunes of some random song were lulling you in again, so much that you didn't hear him landing behind you. "You´re still up" he said in a stunned voice but not questioningly. It was more of an objective statement. Nevertheless it made you turn around in shock. "Can you like not do that every time you come here?" you asked and pressed one hand against your wildly beating heart. Even though you didn't really know what the real reason was. His arrival or simply his presence? "Sit down, I have to talk to you about something" you commanded and turned away from him. He followed your request and sat down beside you. "What is it?" he asked with concern in his voice he desperately tried to cover up with irritation but you noticed it anyway. Now that you knew you suddenly were able to read him. "You want to tell me something?" you answered with a counter question. He only raised one eyebrow in confusion. The silence wasn't comfortable it was tense. You collected your thoughts before turning towards him. "I know" you only said but he seemed to understand it immediately because now both of his eyebrows were arched in shock. You kneeled down in front of him, your face only inches away from his nose. "Why didn't you tell me? Why did you play me like that? Did you enjoy how I made a fool out of myself in front of you again?" you couldn’t help but yell at him. You felt hurt and betrayed. "I can't believe you did that to me!" "Stop. Listen to me before you draw one of your conclusions again" he growled, now also kneeling in front of you. You crossed your arms before your chest and huffed. "One of my conclusions? Again!" you howled but stopped yourself and shrugged your shoulders in a downgrading manner. "Okay, sure. Explain yourself then" you snarled. "What else was I supposed to do? You avoided me, didn't even let me respond to your confession" he spit back with clenched teeth. "It was the only way to talk to you." "Maybe I didn't want to talk to you about it yet, Damian!" you threw back at him. "I despise the way I feel. I wanted to let it pass, never tell you about it but then all this crap happened. And it messed everything up." You no longer could meet his gaze so you stared at ground, slow backing away. "I fucked it up. And I just can't..." Robin, or rather Damian stayed silent also looking away. Hugging your knees you placed your head on them and watched over the city again. You had to calm down first before doing anything else you might regret again. "Were you telling the truth that day?" he suddenly asked which made you look at him again. You wanted to respond immediately but he interrupted you. "Except hating all that feelings stuff" he added. You closed your mouth again, too ashamed to answer him. "I don't know. I'm not sure" you finally answered. "I know that I still don't like seeing couples being completely over each other, or cheesy rom coms or stuff like that but... I think I wouldn't mind it if I would do this things with you" you stopped and looked at him but you couldn't meet his green eyes only his white lenses. "God, that sounds so disgustingly sweet." That last part made him chuckle which made you laugh a little as well even though it was more of a nervous laughter. "You said that I didn't let you speak that day so... you can do that now" you said. Did you even want to hear it? His response? Suddenly you felt very vulnerable. You had opened up to him, confessed your feelings and he could break you down with one single word. "Well, I would have told you that-" he began, not stuttering even once. You felt jealous. Perfect Damian Wayne didn't even stumble over his own words now. He edged forward, towards you so he would be as close to you as you were to him before. He spoke up again: "That I'm relieved you feel so for me because I would have not been able to pretend any longer." Your brows narrowed in confusion before your eyes finally widen in realization. "Wait, hold on. Wh-what?" you stammered and blinked furiously. "Did you just-" "Return your confession? Yes." You backed away out of instinct but only a few inches. Your mouth opened and closed many times without sound coming out of it. Far too rattled, caught off guard to form any words or sentences. "Hang on" you managed to choke out. Pressing your forehead against your hand you needed a few seconds to process what he had just said to you. "You want to tell me that you -you! The only other person I know who hates all this feelings nonsense- is returning my feelings?" you said questioningly and faced him again. Confused, arched eyebrows adorned your face. "Pretty much, yes. But I could throw that statement right back at you" he responded and leaned back with a smug grin on his face. And of course, he was right. "Since when?" Damian shrugged his shoulders and scratched his neck. "I don't really know. I noticed it a few weeks back but it was getting really hard to pretend a couple of days ago." You nodded in agreement. "I can't believe it" you muttered. All this drama for nothing, all this time he felt the same way. And you didn't notice. "Can I kiss you?" You were definitely blushing again, or maybe your blush never left. Your eyes darted back and forth between his white lenses, not really knowing where to focus your glance. Unable to form any words you just nodded and Damian crept closer. Intuitively you wrapped your arms around his neck again, like you did yesterday but now to close the distance between you two. For one split second he stopped moving, looked at you, at your eyes before placing his lips on yours. It felt like an electric shock ran through you and you tensed up but only for a moment. Then you melted into it and responded the kiss. It was sweet, no heat, nothing hidden beneath. Just an innocent first kiss that made your heart beat higher. Your fingers slowly stroked the hair on the back of his head while Damian's hands found their way to your waist, pulling you closer to him. You were certain he could feel your heart beating like you could feel his against your chest. Then his lips left yours, they left you breathless. You opened your eyes after a few seconds of trying to calm down. You couldn't even remember closing them in the first place. When you looked up you meet Robin's mask, Damian had only backtracked a couple inches. "Can I?" you asked and placed your hands on the edges of his mask. You wanted to see his eyes, you needed to. He nodded after looking around to make sure no one was watching or could accidently see him. Slowly you peeled it off and underneath were sparkling green eyes. Eyes so green you couldn't find anything right now to compare them to that would do them justice. You placed the mask beside you and let your fingers wander over his skin. Then you placed them on both sides of his head and pulled him towards you again, you kissed him again. His lips moved against your own, his hands wrapped around your middle and pulled you flush against him. This kiss was more heated, still rather innocent but not that cautious anymore. You never wanted to pull away from him but after a while you had to catch your breath. Breathing heavily you stared at his eyes. "But we- all this... that doesn't mean we have to go on double dates with my friends now or watch sappy romance movies, right?" you asked anxiously while his face was still only inches away from yours. "Of course not" Damian chuckled. "I still hate that." You breathed out in relief: "Good." Then you kissed him again. You just couldn't help yourself, he felt so intoxicating. He was like a drug, he lulled you in and you couldn't resist. But Damian didn't seem to mind since he responded eagerly. When you eased back out of the third kiss you wrapped your arms around his middle and hid your face in his chest. Breathing in you could smell the leather and steel again but being so close you also notice the faint smell of wood, nature and oil paints. Damian buried his face in your hair and huddled you against him. The two of you stayed that way and enjoyed the silence. This conversation definitely didn't go like you imagined but the outcome was surprisingly better. Sighting you turned your head slightly so you could watch over Gotham again. This night was undeniably not as peaceful as the ones before but somehow you didn't register the loud sirens echoing through the streets. And the red and blue lights didn't seem as aggressive as they normally did. For you everything was perfect, everything was at ease. The air was cold and danced around you, blew through your hair and tickled your nose. You could hear Damian's relaxed breathing which slowly lulled you in. You had never heard such a hypnotizing tune before. It even made you forget that your phone was still playing your music. "You're Robin" you said after a while. It wasn't a question; you just had to repeat the fact after everything that happened tonight. Damian nodded anyway; you could feel his head move. "Does that mean Batman is ... your Dad?" "Yes" he hesitantly answered since there was no use in lying. His body tensed up underneath you anyway. "Okay, cool" you said your face and voice blank. "Are you alright?" he questioned and shifted a bit to get into a more comfortable sitting position. You sighted, not letting go of him and snuggled closer. "Yeah, yeah. Just let me... process all this. Today had a lot of surprises" you retorted. "Didn't think my crush would return my feelings and reveal himself to be Robin and then confirm that his Dad, Bruce Wayne, is Batman which explains a lot by the way." You could feel how Damian's chest moved when he chuckled at your words. "To be fair, you were the one who revealed me, you found out I was Robin" he stated. You tried to free yourself from his grip to look at him again but Damian only loosened it a bit. He still had his arms wrapped around you but you know were at least able to see his eyes. "Maybe you should try to keep your secret identity a, well, secret" you told him with a huge grin on your face. He nudged you in the side which made you squeal. Your cheeks heated up in embarrassment again. God, you were making sounds you never imagined would ever leave your mouth. "Hey, it's not my fault Mister Perfect made the mistake to call me by my name when I didn't tell Robin" you explained. "It's not my fault when you make me act like an idiot" he stated defensively. "Is your world tinted in pink?" you teased and stuck your tongue out. "Isn't yours too?" he threw back at you. "Well, currently it's green" you whispered while staring into his eyes and creeping so close your noses almost touched. Maybe your mind played tricks on you since it was pretty dark but you could have sworn you saw a red hue cover Damian's face. "God, we sound disgusting" you said to end his suffering but didn't move an inch. He played you the last couple of days so now it was your turn to have some fun. "I don't mind, with you at least." "Fuck, was that something like a compliment leaving your lips?" you asked and staged a shocked face. "Shut your foul mouth" Damian growled and pulled you even closer. "Make me" you grinned. "With pleasure."

   _________________________________

Addition: "Wait!" You pushed him away from you. "Did you know the mirror cabinet would only have that small space to hide in?" Damian smirked at you wickedly. "Maybe." "I can't believe you!" you howled indignantly and tried to wiggle out of Damian´s grip but without success. "Why did I have to catch feelings for you, you mean prick! That was total agony for me while you enjoyed it, didn't you?" you yelled while you could feel not only your cheeks but your complete head getting hot. You punched his arm which only made him laugh. "Maybe" he only said again while looking down on you with a mischievous grin still on his face. "God, I hate you." "I hate you too" he responded in the same sarcastic manner before giving you another quick kiss which you returned eagerly.

[gaiyofanfiction]

Twisted Karnival - Chapter 3

Stray Kids x Reader

Horror/Thriller/Drama

Twisted Circus!AU

A/N: Omg, we are getting such amazing responses to this series. Please, any feedback you guys have or any reviews, please let us know! We love to hear from you. Please enjoy the next chapter. This is where it starts getting interesting hehe. ~Liz

Warnings: Mentions of seduction, blood, soul stealing and kidnapping. Possibly more in the future. We also write for 0t9, so Woojin is going to be in this series.

Disclaimer: This story is pure fiction and in no way represents the idols of Stray kids or JYP.

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[Before Reading, check out the Masterlist and profile boards for each member HERE.]

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The lights dim as the parade of circus performers march offstage. It was silent for a split second before a large fire bursts in the middle of the ring. The audience lets out a sound of surprise at the size of the fire. As soon as it disappears, a man steps out with his hands raised, causing the audience to go wild. Your eyes are wide in awe at the muscular, attractive man that stands in the ring. Your jaw slowly drops as the man moves forward. He smirked widely at the crowd taking a handful of rings from Jeongin. The man places his hand over his mouth for a split second, quickly spitting fire over the rings. Everyone gasped in amazement as the rings bursts into bright flames. 

The crowd leaned against the seats in anticipation as the man began to juggle the rings into the air, throwing them around his body. You gasp as you watch his movements, amazed at how he doesn't get burned even though he's touching fire. After a minute, he waves the rings in the air and the fire disappears, like it was never there. He raises the now extinguished rings in the air as the crowd cheers.

“Thank you everyone! Now, I need a willing vict- er, I mean, assistant from the audience to help me with my next stunt.” Mass hysteria fell as hands rose into the air and screaming commenced. He scanned over the audience, gazing over the faces in the crowd until his eyes matched with yours. You saw his persistent gaze as he slowly approached your section. You pushed back against your seat, trying to act as if you weren’t the prime target… but you were.

Without taking his eyes off you, he holds out his hand. "Miss, would you please join me on stage?"

Your friend squeals and pushes you up, making you stumble into the fire breather. He grabs your shoulders to steady you. "Woah there, little lady. And what's your name?"

"U-um. Y/N." You blush slightly.

His hands squeeze your shoulders as you feel a cold shiver run down your spine. A smirk spreads across his face at your reaction, his eyes flash a shade of orange. "Well, my dear Y/N. I am Changbin. Would you please follow me to your mark?"

You follow the man to the middle of the ring, feeling like your feet are following the command of another. You stand in the center of the ring, facing the muscular fire breather. Changbin raises up your arms so your hand sit flat and face up. He then sits an apple in each hand and one on your head.

"Now! My beautiful assistant will be holding these apples for me as I attempt to knock them off with fire!"

While you hear a mixture of gasps and cheers coming from the audience, you internally start to panic. What if Changbin misses?! What if you catch fire?! What if you die?! You wanted to move, to run from this situation but you felt glued to your spot by some force.

Changbin moves back a few feet and faces you. He once again puts a hand to his mouth and breathes in. Suddenly, a ball if brilliant flames shoot out towards you, causing you to shriek. You close your eyes and wait for the impact but instead you feel your hand was lighter. You open your eyes to see the apple was no longer in your hand, but on the ground burnt. The audience cheers at the trick they just witnessed. You watched as Changbin once again put his hand to his mouth and huff out two more balls of fire. They quickly shoot your direction, knocking off the other apple in your hand and the one on your head at the same time. The crowd roars in delight at the amazing act. Your body relaxes in relief that it's over.

Changbin saunters his way to you and bows his head. "Thank you, my dear Y/N." He takes your hand and guides you back to your seat. But before you sit down, he speaks lowly into your ear. "I cannot wait for your further assistance in future acts." He returns back to the ring, his words leaving you dumbfounded.

After a few more amazing fire tricks, Changbin takes his bow." Thank you all for making this performance something special! It means the world for everyone to be here tonight!"

The crowd cheered on as Changbin disappeared in a blast of bright flames. You and your friend clapped endlessly at the breathtaking performance. As Jeongin and Felix quickly moved around the ring, cleaning up the debris, Chan slowly made his way back out to the ring, mic in hand. 

“How exciting was that?!” He screamed, throwing his hands into the air. The crowd cheered louder, showing their excitement from Changbins performance. “That’s what I like to hear! Keep it going for your next upcoming performer! Give him a lot of love and attention!” Chan disappeared off in a cloud of smoke as the low growling sound of tigers filled the dim lighting arena. 

“Now now my pretties. Let's have a good night tonight.” Minho appears from the darkness of the tent, the crowd cheering wildly. A giant formed cage descends from the ceiling of the tent, taking up a good portion of the ring. He rolled his head slowly as two large beasts approached him from the darkness, crouching lowly. Minho smirked lightly, looking out to the crowd as all eyes landed on him. He jumped from the ground landing on the side of the cage and climbed to the top. He snaked his way through the bars, flipping down and landing feet first. The crowd watched on as Minho waited. 

Felix and Jeongin ran into the arena, quickly opening the gate as the angered looking beasts were lead into the large cage with Minho. You leaned nervously forward. 'Wait a minute...is this a part of the act? The tigress was acting so tame and nice earlier.' You watched on as he leaned back against the bars, cockily waiting for the tigers to attack. He smirked widely, licking his lips as Felix closed the cage, trapping Minho inside with the tigers. Once locked, he signaled to Minho that everything was good to go.

“Come on. You know what to do.” He whispered beneath his heavy breath. Leaning forward, his darkened locks fell over his face, hiding the glowing yellow hue coming from his eyes. A sudden roar fell from the tigers mouths, one charging towards Minho. He looked out to the crowd, keeping that smirk over his lips. The tiger lunges, swinging its giant paw, claws fully extended. Minho jumped onto the cage, sliding along the bars, dogging the tigers massive attacks.

The crowd grew silent as slight worry fell. You pushed yourself against the barricade watching the tigers swiping at the animal tamer left and right. You were so confused, you just had your hand on that tigers back a moment ago...right? Minho huffed, looking back towards the worried crowd. He released a heavy chuckle, swinging up on the bar above him, snapping a whip in the direction of the tigers. They paused, growling deeply. 

“Keep up my beauties. Their adrenaline is rising. I can feel it.” He hung upside down from the top of the cage, snapping the whip once more. You watched carefully. He wasn’t aiming the whip towards the tigers, but away from them. The tigers slowly backed up, surrendering to their master as he flipped back down to his feet. The crowd watched in amazement as he slowly approached both beasts, resting a hand atop both of their hands. He smirked wildly as the tigers slowly began to bow their heads. 

“Oh my god, do you see that?! They were going to have him for dinner and now they are acting like normal pets to him!” The child screamed behind you. You nodded your head in slight agreement watching as Felix and Jeongin helped the tigers out of the cage. 

The next few animals also showed bits of aggression towards Minho, slowly falling to his hand. The crowd cheered loudly as he strut around the circle, a king cobra wrapped firmly around his shoulders, down both arms, and head resting in his hand. He looked towards you smirking once more, posing with the deadly creature that rest peacefully in his care. 

“Any animal can be tamed!” Minho called out to the crowd. “It just takes… strong will and power to do it. You have to be firm. And you can’t show any sign of fear.” He spun around a few times showing the entire arena that he was still standing in one piece, feeling the excitement roaring from the stands as he sends you a wink and slowly made his exit.

As Minho made his way through the side curtain, Chan made one last quick appearance.

“Is everyone still with us?? That was quite the heart stopper wasn’t it? Damn near thought Minho was gonna be tiger chow tonight.” He chuckles, Minho leering behind him. 

“Haha… you know better.” He scoffed, headed towards the back. Chan shook his head laughing slightly. 

“We will take a quick break before the next act so if you need to get up, move your stiff bodies around, now would be the time to do it! You don’t want to miss what’s next to come!” Chan disappeared in another shroud of smoke.

“Oh my god, Y/N, this is incredible! I’m so glad we came tonight!” You flopped back and forth as your friend shook you aggressively from the unbearable excitement.

“Yeah, it has been quite an interesting show..” You paused for a moment thinking back to Changbin’s soft words. “I cannot wait for your further assistance in future acts.”  His voice rang strong causing you to shake your head in disbelief. 

“Y/N lets run to the bathroom to freshen up really quick.” You looked at your friend sighing softly. 

“I-I’m alright. You can go though.” Your friend folded her arms, slightly pouting before you. You leaned back taken aback by her reaction. 

“You’re going to make me go alone?” She continued to pout causing high levels of guilt to build. You sighed once more. 

“Alright… you got me. Let’s go.” Your friends pouting lips grew into a giant smile as she yanked you up from your seat and towards the curtains. She drug you all the way to the bathroom where a line of people stood. 

“Here, you wait in line and I will be waiting for you. Okay?” Your friend replied with a slight head nod and smile as she smoothed her way into the line. You took a heavy breath, moving through the crowd until you found a small abandoned area of the hallway. You breathed quietly, slowly laying your head back against the wall. 

“Well well, look what we have here.” You looked up, releasing a soft gasp. Your eyes fluttered at the marvel that was walking towards you, eyes completely locked. You stumbled, feeling the wall pressed firmly against your back. Jisung moved closer, biting his lip ever so lightly as he closed in the gap between you. 

“You know…” he paused for a moment rolling his head over your neck, turning back to face you. “We really have to stop meeting like this. I don’t think I’ll be able to hold back if you keep this up.” You gulped heavily as Jisung’s teeth matched with his lower lip. 

“I-I…” you stammered as he pressed his finger to the center of your lips. 

“Shh. Don’t say a word.” he whispered, slowly dragging his fingertips through the locks of your hair. “Let your body do the talking." 

Jisung inched closer, brushing his thumb against the side of your cheek, pulling your face closer. His sensitive touch leaving you weak in the knees as a chilling shiver fell over your spine. He smirked teasingly, biting his lower lip once more. His eyes began to glow a magenta hue as you began to roll your head back, unable to fight his sensual desires. 

“That a girl. Just give in to me...” he whispered pressing his lips firmly against yours nearly stealing the very air from your lungs. You exhaled heavily as he pulled away. Your eyes locked on his as he gushed over your flushed complexion. He smirked wildly feeling your energy as he moved in for another taste. Just as his lips were inches away from the nape of your neck… 

“Jisung! What is the meaning of this?!” Jisung quickly turned to the sound of Woojin’s angered tone. He sighed heavily as Woojin stormed towards him.

“Ahh calm down Woo.” He slowly turned back towards you, gently lifting your chin with his fingertips. “I’m just having a little bit of pre-show fun.” he continued to smirk, slowly moving past Woojin who was now fuming in place. 

“Oh you little- when I get my hands on him...” Woojin paused looking over towards you in your tranced state. He walked forward, gazing over your body quickly recognizing you from before. His eyes leered towards your hand confirming his suspicion.

“Are you alright miss? Do you need some help getting back to your seat?” You shook your head weakly feeling a slight fog setting over your body. Woojin looked you over once more and growls beneath his breath. Jisung had cast something over you just before he walked away. 

“Here… allow me to help you.” Woojin quickly pulled you from the wall, catching your wobbly body before falling over. You looked up into his eyes, feeling a sense of comfort as he rest your arm over his shoulder, helping you back to your seat. He pressed his hand to your shoulder, causing a heavy chill to fall over your entire body, missing the silver glow of his eyes. Woojin smirked widely feeling the tension against your body as he slowly moved you back into the arena. He walked you all the way back to your seat where your friend was stomping her foot in a huff. Woojin slightly bowed his head, quickly leaving before your friend was able to speak. 

“What was that, Y/N? You left me alone to go meet up with a cute guy?” Your friend continued to rant, watching Woojin’s backside as he quickly moved up the steps and out of the arena. You looked up at your friend as your vision blurred in and out. Rubbing your eyes softly, you blinked multiple times before finding your vision. 

“I-I didn’t leave you to do an-anything…” you grumbled, trying to get your head straight. 

“Then why did that guy bring you back here, hmmm?” She pouts.

You wrinkled your nose in frustration, falling on the brink of screaming out. “I got lost...okay? I went to find something to drink, and got lost. That’s it. He found me, and brought me back.” Your friends eyes narrowed towards you as she slammed back down next to you. Her arms quickly unfolded as she wrapped her arms around you tightly.

“I’m sorry y/n. I just got really worried. I didn’t know where you were.” You looked at your softened friend and hugged her back, your mind flashing back to Jisung’s crooked smirk. You shook your head slightly, tapping the side of your temple.

'What the hell is happening to me?!'

[userlando]

in a bubble (alex turner)

summary: alex has been stressed lately so you surprise him with a bubble bath wordcount: 2.8k warnings: swear words, fluff and implied sexual content a/n: hi! i’m back with a new fic and it’s pretty much very self-indulgent because bubble baths and alex are my weaknesses apparently. thank you so much for all the love on my last fic, it was a massive confidence booster and it made my heart very happy. so i hope you enjoy this and don’t hesitate to lob some feedback my way <3

** this is on ao3!! **

* * * *

When Alex walks through the door of your two bedroom apartment, the only thing on his mind is maybe a quick shower and snuggling beneath toasty sheets so he could sleep the rest of the night away.

What he doesn’t expect, however, is to find you in the hallway. You’d greeted him plenty of times before by the door, always with a soft kiss and a stroke to the cheek with your hand before you asked him about his day. But something was oddly different today, and he’d probably have figured it out just by reading your facial expression if he hadn’t just spent eight hours in the studio with Miles; Brain fried and eyes droopy.

You had clasped your hands together behind your back, almost bouncing on the balls of your bare feet and the triumphant smile on your face made Alex smile, despite himself. You looked happy, dressed in an oversized t-shirt that he wasn’t sure was yours or his, your bare legs on display and hair messily thrown up into a ponytail. He tried to calm his racing heart down, shooting you an amused look as he peeled his jacket off to hang, toeing his shoes off in the process.

“Wha’s got you so smiley, my darlin’?” He asked curiously, walking towards you with his hands already outstretched.

It had been nine hours since he saw you and his fingers were aching to touch you, especially when you were standing right in front of him, looking the way you did. So effortlessly beautiful even when you weren’t trying.

“I’ve got a surprise for you.” You mumbled right into his chest as he pulled you in for a squeeze, the smell of cigarette smoke and eau de toilette making your head spin in the best way possible.

“Oh?” He sounded intrigued and it made you pull away with your arms still around him to assess the expression on his face.

He gazed at you with his pretty brown eyes and you immediately felt the familiar flutter in your stomach. Sometimes you envied the way he could floor any person with those eyes, whether it was with a disapproving furrow of his eyebrow or a teasing smirk on his lips. His face had seemed so aloof the first time you’d met, and sure there were sparks flying between the two of you and he wasn’t afraid of showing any kind of affection. But you’d found it hard to read his face the first few weeks and it took quite a while before you could read the expressions on his face and detect the emotion he was feeling judging by the tone of his voice.

And now? Now you could read him like an open book, and you considered it a blessing for many reasons.

“Still with me, love?” His voice brought you back and you blinked, realizing that you’d been staring at his face and he was now smirking amusedly at you.

“Shut up and close your eyes,” You laughed, reaching for his hand so you could tangle his fingers together with yours, pulling him down the hallway which proved to be difficult because he was reluctant to let you guide him blindly. “Follow me.”

“Are you goin’ to guide me into a wall or summat?” He frowned, looking over your shoulder as if to see if he could spot your surprise down the hall.

You couldn’t help but giggle and felt him squeeze your hand in his.

“Just close them, Al. And no peeking!” You wagged a finger at him and he sighed, shooting you a wary look before covering his eyes with his free hand.

“Beginnin’ to feel like our fourth date.” He muttered with a teasing tone in his voice.

The memory of your second date made your cheeks warm as you understood what he was referring to, your brain taking you back to your fourth date when Alex had insisted on the two of you breaking into the hotel pool after hours. He’d invited you to tag along to one of his concerts with Miles in Manchester and had even booked you a suite, reassuring you over and over that he wasn’t expecting anything from you but cuddles since you’d still not gone beyond the stages of snogging and groping. (”I’ll even have two separate beds if that’ll make yeh feel betta’”)

That night had ended in skinny dipping - hence the no peeking situation - and the both of you sleeping together for the first time. It truly was a night to cherish, even though Miles had caught the unfortunate love bite on your neck the next day at breakfast and had a good cackle about it. He’d been so loud that he’d drawn the unwanted attention of a whole restaurant.

“It smells vanilla-ey.” Alex remarked as you entered your bathroom, sniffing the air with his lips pursed in concentration. “Wha’ you up to, me love?”

“Okay, I know you’ve been stressed this week and haven’t been sleeping very well - “

“I always sleep well with ya.” He interrupted and you would’ve glared at him for it if he wasn’t so damn adorable. “Now am I allowed to look or are you gonna slap me up the head?”

You scanned the dimly lit bathroom with a nervous sigh before letting go of his hand. It prompted him to look and you watched him silently as he removed his hand from his face, eyes blinking as he adjusted to the low light and what was before him.

It was yet again hard to read his face as he took in the bathtub filled with rose petals and the candles scattered around the place. He silently stepped forward, making a noise in his throat as he discovered the pinkness of the water between the gaps of the bubbles.

“Is it... Okay?” You hesitantly asked, looking at the long expanse of his back until he turned around.

His eyes were wide as saucers and it would’ve made you laugh any other time.

“Okay? Baby, the water is pink! This is bloody great.” He gestured wildly to the bathtub as if you yourself hadn’t plopped that bath bomb in there. “You’re bloody amazing, I love you.”

He reached you in two strides, cupping your face in his hands and bringing your mouth to his in a hasty kiss. You couldn’t help but laugh into it, pleased with his reaction as he pulled back to undo the zipper on his jeans.

“Are you joinin’ me?” He nodded backwards, eyes bright even in the dim light.

“I wasn’t planning to...” You trailed off when his eyebrows raised. “I’ll get in there if you want me to.”

It wasn’t long before he’d sunk his naked body into the tub, beckoning you to do the same on the opposite side. The water was still warm, warmer than you’d expected and it sent shivers down your spine as you lowered yourself. Alex was bringing a wet hand up to run through his long hair, successfully dampening his strands and it made you smile in amusement.

“I hope you’re not too tired for this,” You said quietly. “You just sounded so stressed on the phone and so I scrounged up everything I could find to make it as relaxing as possible for you.”

Alex was watching you the whole time, eyes softening when you finished speaking and it made your heart thump in your chest. You never questioned his love for you because he’d always made it his number one priority to make you feel loved, since day one. That didn’t stop unnecessary doubt to creep up in the back of your mind sometimes but it never failed to evaporate when he was looking at you like this. With love and adoration written all over his face. A look reserved solely for you and no one else.

You felt your heart race when he reached out a hand to circle his fingers around your wrist, gently tugging you close to him so your legs went on either side of his hips. It was a little uncomfortable but that was the least of your concerns when he circled both his hands around your back.

“I’m so lucky, tha knows?” He murmured, tilting his head. “Couldn’t ask for a better night.”

You grinned and leaned forward to steal a kiss from him, feeling your cheeks ache as he hummed against your lips. The pads of his fingers dug into your back softly, keeping you close to him as he rubbed his nose against yours.

“Besides, you ‘ave got the sex playlist and everythin’.” His lips stretched into a shit-eating grin and you let out a startled gasp, slapping his shoulder.

“It’s not a sex playlist!” You exclaimed, referring to the Bluetooth speakers you had on in the background, the sound of Ian Brown’s voice crooning softly.

When you’d first started dating, you’d created a playlist for the both of you where you could add songs that reminded you of each other. It had quickly grown to over three hundred songs of various artists and bands. It wasn’t until one fateful night when you were on tour with the Arctic Monkeys and you’d gotten back from a night at the pub in Paris with the band that Alex had put the playlist on shuffle and proceeded to defile you on every available surface in your hotel room. He’d renamed the playlist to “The Lovely Sex Playlist” the day after, cackling when you’d smacked him up the head for it, pointing out the fact that the acronyms spelled out TLSP. Miles had loved it and you’d gone through the five stages of grief when he’d teased you endlessly for it, going as far as hinting at it during their shows, Alex’s face lighting up.

You never changed the name though.

“Love, let me remind you of the three orgasms I gave ya during this song.” He knocked his forehead with yours gently, pulling back to laugh at your face.

You fish mouthed for a good five seconds, warmth creeping up your neck at the memory he’d happily reminded you of. Then, for a lack of better response, you splashed him gently with the bath water.

“Aye!” He giggled, hands coming up to rub the water out of his eyes with some vigorous rubbing. “Don’t start anythin’ you don’t wanna finish.”

You rolled your eyes playfully, sinking your hands into the warm water as Alex settled his hands around your waist again, pulling you in even closer. He looked beautiful, serene even as he closed his eyes and tilted his head back with a low hum. It was with a startled giggle that you realized the specks of bubbles on his chin and nose, making him peek an eye open. He looked confused and amused as he raised an eyebrow at your outburst.

“Sorry, love.” You leaned forward to brush the bubbles away from his face. “Was lookin’ like Father Christmas.”

Alex grinned, letting go of your body with one hand so he could scoop up some bubbles to artfully place on his chin. He managed to cover his goatee and it should’ve made you pout because you secretly adored the look on him, but the look of a smiling Al with bubbles on his face replicating a bubbly beard made you giggle.

“’ow do I look?” He waggled his eyebrows, looking like the perfect picture of a mad man.

“Horrendous.” You nodded with a straight face. “What - Alex!”

In no time at all, he’d managed to catch you off guard by sliding forward, pulling you fully into his lap and sending lukewarm water spilling over the edge with an audible splash. You gasped, laughter turning into squeals when he attacked your face with kisses, bubbles be damned.

“You taste like roses.” You managed to get out when he’d paused long enough for you to catch your breath, wrinkling your nose in a way that had him smiling softly at you. “You nutter.”

“Only crazy for you, me darling.” He sing-songed, pressing a sloppy kiss to your mouth before pulling back to shoot you a smile. “Now, can this nutter get his hair washed or do I have to beg?”

The way he pouted made you shake your head with a laugh, successfully sliding off his lap without injuring yourself or him. You twirled your finger around in the air to signal that he should turn his back to you, to which he complied with a small squee of delight.

You located your bottle of shampoo, squeezing a fair amount because you knew how much he secretly adored the scent of it. He hadn’t said it out loud, but your shampoo had started running out much faster than his was, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out that he used it whenever he washed his hair. That, and it was clear as day whenever you’d bury your face in his hair in an embrace.

A sigh left his lips as you slid your soapy fingers through his hair, digging your fingers into his scalp in a way that had him purring like a kitten. You suppressed a laugh, opting for a secretive smile instead as you worked the lotion into his hair, pressing a soft kiss to his shoulder before turning on the shower head to wash it all off.

You repeated the process with the conditioner and it wasn’t long before he was turning around, rather ungracefully with his gangly legs.

“Turn ‘round, I’ll do you.” The words sounded drunk coming from his mouth, eyes drooping in a way that suggested that he’d loved being taken care of. That’s probably why he didn’t realize how suggestive he’d sounded, gazing at you in confusion when you giggled childishly.

“You’ll do me, aye?” You turned around, looking over your shoulder when you heard him chuckle.

“I’ve been at half-mast for the past hour babeh. I’ll definitely do you when we finish up in here.” He promised you with a wicked glint in his eyes and a firm nod.

You shivered at the suggestion in his tone of voice, turning your head back so he wouldn’t see how flustered he’d made you. It didn’t go unnoticed by him judging by the chuckle he emitted, the snip of the lid of the bottle echoing in the bathroom before you felt him sliding his fingers through your hair.

“Mmm,” You couldn’t help but sigh, inclining your head back so he could dig his fingers deeper, scratching your scalp in a way that had you moaning and purring. “That feels so good.”

Alex made a noise in the back of his throat, scooting closer to your back so he could press a kiss against your throat before going back to massaging your scalp.

“Keep moanin’ like tha’ and I’ll have to spread your legs right here, baby.” He drawled, voice dangerously low and it made you snap your mouth closed as you realized the sounds you’d been making had been anything but innocent.

He finished up rather quickly, conditioning your hair before rinsing it out with careful moves. And after a quick wash down with the shower head, he bent down to drain the tub; Letting you step out before he moved to do the same. You were just about to reach for a fluffy towel when he tutted.

“You won’t be needin’ tha’.” He said and you cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Al, we’ve got to dry off or we’ll drench the bed.”

“We’re gunna find a way to fucking drench it anyway.” He rolled his eyes and you mimicked him teasingly.

“Oh, is that your way of saying you’ll actually get me wet tonight?” You cocked your hip to the side, watching his eyes catch the movement before he dragged his gaze up your body to settle on your eyes.

“Are you feelin’ cheeky, me love?” He took a step toward you and you automatically took a step backward, eyes never leaving his as his lips stretched into a lazy smirk. “Maybe you need a good spankin’, hmm?”

You almost let your mouth drop into an O, catching yourself in the last second and daring him with a cocked eyebrow. He licked his lower lip, pulling it in between his teeth as he took two steps to you, catching your wrist before you could make a run for it.

“You’re kiddin’ yourself if you think you could make me come tonight.” You were lying, they were all lies but it was fun to watch his face morph into shock, a thrill in the way he grabbed your throat in a loose circle.

A gasp left your lips as he pulled your head in for a sloppy kiss, and you moaned as your noses knocked together. It took everything in you not to groan in agony as he pulled back too soon, leaving you wanting more. Always leaving you wanting more.

“Go on then, off to bed you go,” He let go of your throat, turning you around and giving your bottom a slap that had you stumbling with a startled squeal. “I’ve got more than one way to put tha’ pretty mouth to good use.”

[astyle-alex]

[Fanfic] Start With Why | the Old Guard

WhooHoo! New fanfic! It's always a great day when I can start posting a new project! (Especially, when I have  a whole project entirely completed and can post it  with confidence that it won't be pushed off on hiatus because I get derailed in the middle of writing).  This was is already complete at 6 parts and will wrap up right before 2020 (finally) comes to a  close.

Start With Why

Fandom: the Old Guard Pairings: Background Nicky x Joe Characters / Focus: OT5 + Copley, reacting to Booker's betrayal Rating: Gen Audiences Warnings: None (well, language, because the team are all quite colorful) Total Word Count: 10,288 Chapter Word Count: 2,017

Summary:

The thing about betrayal is that it hurts. Sometimes it hurts too much to see the broader situation clearly. But after Booker's betrayal, the team has to look at themselves and see how every one of them is culpable. Booker may have done the deed, but his measly 200 years makes him a child to the others, especially Andy, and like babysitters are to blame when their charge sets the curtains on fire, the Family needs to ask themselves WHY and accept the honest answers. Why Copley, Why Merrick, and Why something made Booker believe that his choice was the right one for his Family...

||   Read on Patreon    |   Read on Ao3   ||

Part I :: ANDY

In the Immediate After, Andy is both utterly numb and entirely electrified. She’s chilled through her old bones from the icy weight of deadened muscles, and yet lit from inside by a fire she’d forgotten how to feel as they escape Merrick Labs. That conflicted state of incomparable feeling persists as they drive to a safehouse 20 minutes outside the London center-city, one with enough bathrooms to allow each member of their tragic little band to claim one for themselves (though, obviously, Joe and Nicky share one, regardless).

The privacy of that permeating sense of space permits them all to take their own time in separating themselves from the immediate horror of what they’d just gone through.

It allows them to clean up in their own ways and refocus on the fact that this isn’t really over, not yet. There are still two frickin’ cosmic elephants in the room.

Booker is the first one, the most critical and the most painful.

Copley can wait until a point later in the After.

Andy takes longer than usual— than she used to.

By the time she’s washed away the blood and viscera, by the time the shower has worked the worst soreness out of her aching muscles, and by the time she’s redressed her still-unhealed wounds, Booker’s already gone. Nile, too.

They’ve crossed the little hamlet’s main street to a bar perched right on the coast. The Prospect of Whitby’s an old haunt of theirs, a regular watering hole they’ve indulged in for a few hundred years now (with careful periods of avoidance as generations change over). Booker’s ordered a round of beer for all of them, ensured that he’d selected each of their favorites and instructed the bartender to keep them coming all afternoon, before stepping away— as close to out of sight, out of mind as he could possibly think the rest of them would tolerate.

He’s doing his best not to antagonize them any more than he already has— staying close enough to feel like they’ve got adequate supervision on him, and yet staying far enough away to keep from starting an actual brawl.

Meanwhile, Nile’s claimed a table in the back. It’s their usual spot— the one high-top that’s got the most obvious throw of tactical advantage in the place. Nile doesn’t wave when she spots Andy in the pub’s gloom, but she manages a stiff smile before she glances over her shoulder towards the wrap-around balcony to which Booker has retreated.

“He thinks you’re all gonna rip his limbs off or some shit,” Nile states, with that wonderfully refreshing, un-subtle archness of hers. “Seems pretty sure about it.”

“He’s been drawn and quartered before,” Andy replies, knowingly side-stepping Nile’s unspoken question. “He knows there’s a particular appeal to it as a punishment for us.”

Nile doesn’t take Andy’s shit and shoots a flat look her way that makes old warrior, unbearably, want to flash a cheeky smile. It hurts for Andy to feel such lightness in her chest when her heart is hung so heavy.

“We can’t just let this go, Nile,” Andy tells her, sympathetic.

The kid’s only known Booker a few days. She can’t possibly fathom the sting of this betrayal— can’t possibly grasp how it feels to have a rent torn through their reality when they’ve lived with such a small circle of Family being the only people in the world they trust.

It’s not her fault that she can’t understand, not by any means, but that doesn’t change how she truly cannot understand it.

Nile’s part of the Family, now, so she deserves to weigh in, but she’s just a baby…

Andy aches with pity for her— pity mixed with pride— and let’s her smile soften as the ghosts of 6000 years flicker through the shadows trapped behind her eyes.

Nile draws breath to say something more, but she doesn’t get a chance before Joe and Nicky walk in. They look better, Andy notes with the kind of relief that hits like a car crash, but they also look haunted in a way she’s never seen in them before.

Even after losing Quynh, even after nearly losing touch with Andy (as Andy nearly lost herself to the throes of a depressive psychosis that made her lash out), they’d never broached the sorry state of looking even half this fucking devastated.

They have every reason to feel that way, Andy knows, but as the debate over what to do about Booker gets started— with Nile wanting nothing more than an apology from the man who’d betrayed them and Joe wanting to send large dismembered pieces of him to the moon— Andy feels more and more exhausted.

The ‘debate’ soon becomes a mostly circular argument between Joe and Nile.

Nicky shows his favor for one side’s point or the other’s in a pantomime of subtle touches, nods, and eyebrow raises. He doesn’t just blindly support Joe in this— in anything, really… (it’s endlessly comforting for Andy to be reminded of how healthy their relationship is and how Nicky has remained wholly his own person even after a thousand years as part of a set binary-unit)— but he doesn’t speak up with any of his own suggestions, points, or grievances.

Andy just stares at the ceiling.

She listens to their points, listens to both sides.

Gets more and more frustrated with what she’s hearing from them— frustrated with them altogether. As they’ve been arguing, Andy has realized something very important about the little family she’s managed to gather around her.

“You’re all such fucking children,” she mutters— loud enough for them to hear, apparently, as they abruptly stop arguing and stare at her with a mix of confusion and insult.

Andy is not a mother to these people. At most, she’s an older sister, much older, maybe, but just a sister— not someone who should be in a position to dictate right from wrong for them.

But they are just all so fucking young.

A thousand years is nothing.

Joe and Nicky are like teenagers to her, suddenly— teenagers, at best.

Booker is a toddler in a tantrum and Nile, poor sweet fucking Nile, is an innocent, gurgling infant with that blindingly happy baby innocence shining from her frickin’ skin.

“Why’d he do it?” Andy mutters, gaze drifting out towards Booker’s back.

“He wanted it to end,” Nicky supplies, the reserved statement lilted in Nicky’s way of recognizing that a deeper question should be asked while admitting that he doesn’t know what that question should be.

“Bastard just wanted to get himself an out,” Joe spits, snarling into his beer as Nicky joins Andy in looking out the window at Booker’s back.

Andy sags in her seat.

She knows it’s not that fucking simple.

And she knows they know it, too.

Booker did this for himself, yes, but he also did it for her.

And she can’t imagine that he did what he did without knowing that it would be enough to affect Joe and Nicky, too. That he did it without realizing that escape for him and Andy meant something horrible to Nicky and Joe…

But there’s another question, too, one that not even Nile has thought to ask yet.

Joe and Nile’s argument has picked back up while Andy’s gotten lost inside her head.

It stops abruptly as Andy kicks out at the stool across from her and curses as she hits the table with her fist. They stare at her in various stages of grief and high concern as she stands up and stalks out to the rail where Booker’s banished himself to standing vigil.

“Why Copley?”

Booker blinks and frowns at her with a clear pain in his eyes.

“Answer me, Book,” Andy snarls, eyes on the ocean. “Why fucking Copley?”

Booker tries, shifting uneasily beside Andy as a few false starts claw up his throat. Andy lets him be, leaves him to struggle instead of barking at him to get on with it. She knows he’s trying, that he’s forcing himself to really answer instead of giving her an easy line meant mostly to provoke her righteous fury.

Knowing that he’s really trying does not stop Andy’s grip on the rail from going white-knuckled as he struggles to get his stupid shit together.

And then, finally, Booker sighs and huffs the confession, “I believed him.”

Andy’s posture doesn’t change a fraction, but her eyes snap sideways to assess the loose, defeated curl of his posture.

“I believed him, Andy,” Booker says again, telling her heavily, “I believed in him.”

“And Merrick?”

Booker doesn’t flinch at Andy’s venom. He just looks ashamed.

“I never met him,” Booker admits. “Copley found him and said he was the right person for it all. I checked him out, but he wasn’t very social. And I guess he was just too young or too careful for any big scandals to have come to light. His company had done some legitimately good things, things that have directly saved thousands of lives. What I found seemed solid.”

The regret and pain and self-loathing are all pitiably evident in his little speech— it’s the most words he’s strung together with her since… long before they stormed Copley’s home office.

“He was a kid,” Andy almost agreed. “200 years, and you’re still a fucking dumbass when it comes to trusting kids… but why Copley? Why trust that jerkwad so damn much?”

Booker doesn’t answer right away— can’t answer, more like.

“Because he believes in you,” Booker says, closing his eyes and hanging his head like a man at prayer— his voice cracked with the weight of fraying Faith.

It makes Andy turn to face him more fully, makes her have to fight hard to hold back from breaking her fist on his face at the painful thought that anyone might still believe in the pathetic god damn wreck of a useless, fragile fucking person she’s become.

She’d been an impotent immortal for a century, at least. And these last few decades…

Her efforts to save the world have all been nothing but a futile drop in the god damn ocean, and if she’s honest with herself, Andy can admit that all her efforts had probably always been a senseless and pitiably ineffective pretense at helping people… all 6000 years of this shit.

It had all just been something shiny and simple to flatter her own damn ego.

She’d never really saved anyone.

She’d kept a couple people alive, sure, but she’d never really made things better.

Not in any way that mattered in the long run.

But Booker turns to her, looking more broken than she’s ever seen a man survive and says, “You do so much good, Andy… We do so much good. And Copley sees it. This was supposed to be a gift, to all of us— to the whole god damn world. It was supposed to be one more bit of good, but one that could give us something back, for once.”

It hurts like nothing Andy’s ever felt to have that flung at her, to feel a cherry-picked array of words she knows she’s said too often to ignore their clear impact on her team… It hurts too much to ignore the bite of having that impact thrown back in her pathetic, ancient face.

“Maybe we don’t fucking deserve it,” Andy spits, pushing off the rail and storming back inside the pub— running away to where she knows Booker won’t follow.

The others are looking at her expectantly as she throws herself back into her previously abandoned chair and chugs her beer as fast as she can down it— mortal liver be damned.

When the glass is empty, she slams it down and kicks herself back until her chair is tipping at a dangerous angle with her neck wholly exposed and pointed up to the ceiling.

“God damn fucker really thought this shit would help,” she reports— uncertain if the wail she hears behind the words is clear in her voice or simply screaming in her skull.

- - - - -

Author's Notes:

I love Andy's complicated relationship with Booker, truly.

NEXT TIME: Booker reflects on his own actions, mistakes, and shortcomings. Until someone makes him think about his potential.

||   Read on Patreon    |   Read on Ao3   ||

<3

[olliestcne]

TITLE: CALAMITOUS LOVE AND INSURMOUNTABLE GRIEF. SETTING: John and Sharon Stone’s residence aka Oliver’s childhood home. DATE: August 27th, 2020. PREMISE: John Stone has something important to tell his three children and his wife. TRIGGER WARNINGS: DEATH AND CANCER.

Death has never been a thing Oliver has fully comprehended. Everyone in his family was present and beaming, oozing a kind of everlasting life that most would beg for. Sure, his grandfather died when he was young, but that to him always seemed inevitable. When you’re old, you pass. You go somewhere nice as you’ve lived a full, happy existence. That’s as far as Oliver’s brain can manage the concept of death or loss. It was simple. Simple but naive.

He gets a text from his father early in the morning. Something about a family meeting. Urgent. Oliver takes it with a grain of salt, as do his siblings, as usually it’s about where they were going to go next as a family and what they were going to get mom for Christmas because she was a kind but picky woman.

Oliver shows up at around 5pm.

“I already got mom the little Pandora bracelet last year. I can get more charms. She likes those, right?” Oliver says upon arrival, plopping down onto the armchair in the living room. It smelled like his father and always has. This entire home smelled like his childhood. Like his mother’s favorite vanilla lotion, like the smell of popcorn on family movie nights. He would feel empty without this space, that much was certain.

Charlotte, John and Sharon’s youngest, barks out a laugh. “No way. We need to step it up this year. Maybe some diamond earrings.” Charlotte had just given birth three months ago, her husband was home with the baby. A new little bundle of joy welcomed into the Stone family. They couldn’t be happier. 

Thomas, John and Sharon’s oldest, arrives right after Oliver, tossing his coat on the back of the couch. He circles into the kitchen and grabs a water for himself before sitting down beside Charlotte. “Dad already got her diamond earrings for a birthday one year. That’s weak, Char.” He says, unscrewing the cap to his water and taking a generous sip.

“Where are they? Are they late to their own family meeting?” Oliver says, leaning over the arm of the chair into the hallway just behind him. “Hello! Your children are here!” Oliver, forever suffering from middle child syndrome, was always dramatic. Looking for attention. Hence the theatrics.

Sharon walks in nervously then, her expression fallen. This alone was jarring, especially since they were the most chipper family known to man. Yet, Oliver tries not to jump to conclusions. His mother was always the harder of the two, coming from a bad childhood and a family who basically disowned her. She was a survivor, a warrior. There was nothing to worry about.

But, then comes John, seeming tired and, of course, nervous. Just as Sharon. The living room goes a little silent, none of them expecting such a strange and unsettling entrance from their parents. Charlotte’s brows furrow, watching as her parents sit on the other couch located beside the fireplace. “What’s...going on?” She asks, knowing Oliver and Thomas were thinking the same thing.

Oliver suddenly feels the rhythm of his heart increase. He has to swallow hard to contain himself. He was already dealing with a plethora of problems within his marriage, he didn’t need more. What could this be? Were they just messing with them?

“You’re getting divorced, aren’t you? Is that it?” Oliver says on the brink of tears already, nervously balling his hands into fists. “Oh my God, you’re getting divorced. Oh my God...I guess one of you can stay with me and Eli for a while and I-” Always dramatic, this one. 

Sharon shakes her head, reaching her hands out, “No, baby, no.” She says, interrupting him before he falls into the deep end. “We’re not, never.”

Thomas, always the more noble of his siblings, sits back, preparing for what’s about to happen. They all know it’s not good but it’s as if Thomas was in the front of the trenches, protecting his siblings from impending doom. 

“Your father has something to tell us. I don’t even know, actually...” Sharon says, earning  a strange sound to come from Charlotte. It’s a noise of shock and confusion, all four of them now looking to John. 

A few moments pass. Nothing comes. Nothing comes until it does.

“I have lung cancer. Stage four.” John rips the bandage off and creates a new wound. The room goes so silent you could hear a pin drop. It earns a ringing to sound in Oliver’s ears. His eyes dart back and forth between his mother and his father. John’s expression remains still. Tired, sad. And Sharon looks shocked into silence, just as her children.

“You —” Thomas says, being the first one brave enough to break the silence that blankets them. “When did you —” He’s holding back, Oliver and Charlotte can tell. It was odd to see their older brother struck like this. Usually, he was their protector, someone they can go to when things were tough. But, they were all in this together now, sprung into a state of confusion and hurt.

It’s then Oliver realizes he’s started crying, hot tears silently streaming down his face. This can’t be happening, is the first thought that pops into his head, this can’t be fucking happening.

“We — Well, we have to get treatment. We have the money, we can —”

“No,” John says, interrupting his wife. Sharon is instantly taken back by this, eyebrows knitting together in a way Oliver has never, ever seen before. 

But then he registers what his father just said. No. No? He wasn’t getting treatment? This can’t fucking be happening.

“What do you mean no?” Oliver says, or perhaps spews, out. He doesn’t mean to sound harsh but it all comes spilling out of him. It doesn’t pair well with the state of his face, decorated with tears still streaming from his blue eyes. Charlotte’s begun to cry too, silently, just like Oliver. Her breath hitches for a moment before her face is buried in her hands. This was something she did even as a child, a way to calm herself when she became anxious. Their mother would usually rub her back then or sing to her when this happened. But, now, Sharon couldn’t do a damn thing but stare into the face of her husband. 

“I don’t want you guys to see me like that. Losing my hair, throwing up. I want to go as I am now. As a man who loves his family.” John, understandably, gets choked up as he speaks. John Stone doesn’t want to die, but he doesn’t want his dignity stripped from him either. Oliver wasn’t aware that his father was such a prideful man until now. Something about that earns pain to surge throughout his body. 

That same silence blankets them once more, each of them too rattled to say a damn thing. Oliver feels as though a scream is perched just under his chin, a combination of sorrow and anger beginning to brew inside his stomach. 

With that, something inside him swerves, like a car on ice. He loses track of his emotions and they go flying around his mind, everything all at once. “What the fuck?” He finally says, moving to stand, “You’re gonna just — you’re gonna just...die?” It’s not what he wants to say, not at all, but he can’t find the right words anymore. It earns a sob out of Charlotte, her head still in her hands. Thomas reaches over to touch her back. 

“Ollie, this is what I want. I know it’s hard, but...” John says, looking up at his son with glossy eyes. Oliver was still crying himself, his bottom lip quivering as he opens his mouth to speak. Nothing comes out, just a pathetic little breath. Sharon up and leaves the room and her children watch as she does so. Sharon Stone was not a crier. Never has been. She was the strongest and bravest woman Oliver has ever known. If anything was going to break her, it was this, and she still didn’t want the world to see her in that state. Oliver understood that.

Oliver looks to Thomas, who was also sporting glistening eyes, before allowing his gaze to land back on his father. “Can you say something, please? Our father’s lost his fucking mind.” Thomas sighs before speaking after Oliver, “You need to get treatment, dad. You can beat it.” Stage four was a hard thing to beat, they all knew that, but the Stone family has always been endlessly optimistic no matter what the circumstances were. 

John remains quiet.

Charlotte stands, grabbing her things and heading out the front door. It’s slammed behind her as she makes her way to her car, shaking as she shoves the keys into the ignition. Charlotte had never contemplated death either, that much was obvious. 

John’s head moves into his hands, rubbing over his tired face with his palms. Thomas looks down at the carpet, his body and face turning to marble. He was still, like a quiet sea. Meanwhile, Oliver was an ocean with violent waves. 

“I can’t believe this..” Oliver trails off, looking down at his shoes. Then to the carpet that was still the same from when he was a child. Everything was the same. Except for this. This feels like a nightmare in a perfect place that threatens to spoil everything. 

By a sudden stroke of impulse, Oliver inhales sharply and walks out too. He follows the same trail his sister left, slamming the front door behind him as he makes his way to his vehicle. He slams the car door too, looking out towards his childhood home one more time before pulling out of the driveway with tears in his eyes. In truth, he tries not to sob, though the lump in his throat was growing larger by the second. 

His hands tremble violently as they grip the steering wheel, eyes focused on the road as that sheltered sob finally rips through his throat. 

Oliver arrives him at 9pm. He had to stay late at work, he’ll say as an excuse. He kisses his daughter’s head, his son’s cheek, and his husband’s jaw as they sleep. He stays up for the rest of the evening into the morning, staring at the carpet in his living room. This wasn’t happening.

[seriouslyhooked]

The Same Soul 8

Available on FF Here and AO3 Here. Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7.

Our world AU where Emma and Killian knew each other as teenagers. Killian was sent to spend a summer with family in America. He met foster kid Emma while there. They fell in love but then he was forced back home and she couldn’t take the memories so she ran away, trying her best to move on from the dreams they’d always hoped for. A chance meeting brings them back together years later, and this time nothing and no one will keep them apart. Rated M.

A/N: Hey everyone! After waiting for my inspiration to strike again with this story, I have been on a relative roll and it feels so good. The cuteness continues in this chapter, and we’re hitting a major milestone too. As such, we are edging ever closer to the end of this story. Honestly, I would say there’s only two chapters left, one of which will likely be an epilogue. That being said, I hope that you guys will enjoy what I’ve done in this installment. As always, I would love to hear what you all think and I thank you so much for your continued support and kindness!

God, to think, even a month ago, that this would be my life. I’d never have believed it.

Emma smiled at the thought as she moved about Killian’s kitchen, bringing together the few needed ingredients to put together this morning’s pancake mix. She might live on her own, but Emma always took pleasure in the little things, and a home cooked meal was one of those investments that made a huge difference in her day. Making something for herself was a powerful experience, but making something to share that she knew would be appreciated was even better, and in about fifteen minutes or so, Killian would wake up, wrap her in his arms, wish her good morning and marvel at these pancakes before eating damn near every one. She chuckled at the thought, knowing that, if habit held, Killian would put away at least six of these bad boys, as well as tons of bacon and eggs, praising her and thanking her endlessly all the while.

It was surreal to comprehend all of this – her and Killian, back together again, and not just reunited, but happy and domestic. This was becoming a routine. Lazy Sunday mornings at one of their places had been going six weeks strong, and they followed Saturday day and nights spent almost exclusively together. On Sundays, Emma weirdly woke up with the sun and Killian had a tendency towards sleeping in, a total reversal of the rest of their week. Not that Emma was in a hurry to leave. She always spent a little time in bed, just enjoying the feel of Killian holding her tight, and only when nature called did Emma sneak out of his arms, throw on one of his t-shirts, and get ready for the morning.

With anyone else, establishing a routine like this, especially so early in a relationship, would be impossible for Emma. Routines involved counting on someone and trusting that they would come through. For everyone else, that trust was hard earned and seldom given, but with Killian things were different. Emma had believed in him and given him her heart so long before, and now that he was back it felt natural to hand them over without any more muss or fuss. Having overcome her worries early on, she was now committed, all in in a way one had to see to believe. It was miraculous really, and yet Emma didn’t go too deep into why or how. Overthinking was the fastest way to heartbreak, and instead she was doing everything she could to make this work and treasure every moment she and Killian had together.

With thoughts of the two of them dancing in her head, Emma kept pouring batter and flipping cakes, monitoring the other pieces of their meal, but largely focused on the pancakes that would take center stage. She made one and then another and another until the plate was piled high with golden circles of deliciousness. Then when she was nearly finished, and thinking that it might be time to wake Killian up, he came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her and breathing her in. Emma sighed happily, closing her eyes for a moment and soaking this sensation deep into her soul before twisting in his grasp and smiling at him. His hair was disheveled from sleep, his eyes still a little dazed, but he was handsome as ever. Her hand came up to cup his cheek, brushing against that extra bit of scruff that had appeared overnight and she couldn’t help kissing him. She went for something quick, but when she tried to pull back, he demanded more and she melted against him. Soon everything else was forgotten and Emma had only one thing in mind, but before they could get there, Killian ended the kiss, grinning at her as he pressed his forehead to hers.

“I’ll never grow tired of us being like this,” he murmured, his eyes flicking down to her lips, as if he was tempted to taste her all over again. Still he held back, glancing at the stovetop and shitting off the gas before her last pancake could burn. “Will you ever wake me up and let me help you with all of this?”

Emma shook her head and bit her lip to keep from grinning too widely. He had asked her every weekend to wake him up so he could help, claiming that he loved this thoughtful breakfast, but that it was too much for her to take on herself. Emma didn’t agree. She was totally willing and able to make them a meal to share like this. Besides, this wasn’t a totally selfless act. She got to enjoy the food just as much as he did, and then after, when they were finished, Killian would pull her close and drag her back to bed, determined to remind her of what kind of morning they could have when they did wake up together.

Trying to hide the flush that came to her cheeks would be useless. She was blushing and there was no remedy, especially not when Killian grumbled out a heated promise that he’d ‘satisfy her soon enough.’ Yet despite the butterflies of anticipation, she ate her pancakes and fruit with total contentment. This was easy and relaxing, peaceful in a way she could never have imagined, and somehow, through some beautiful twist of fate, it was becoming their new normal.

“So, you never did tell me if you had any plans today,” Emma hedged, when breakfast was done and they’d brought all the dishes back to the kitchen. In a lightening fast move, Killian reached for her hand and then pulled her flush against him, leading her back to the place in the world she loved most of all.

“That’s because I don’t. The only thing on my agenda is spending every moment with you that I can. Aside from that, I have no wish left to fulfill.”

Emma’s heart warmed at his words which were genuine and real. Everything he said was big and bold, but he never exaggerated. That was what made Emma feel so safe in this relationship. Killian felt so much and he candidly showed her the extent of his emotion. He loved her deeply, and even if they went years apart, she knew he had loved her since the moment they met. Her hand raised to his chest, her fingers tracing above his heart, as she relished this feeling of total and complete connection. Closing her eyes she let out a deep, contented sigh, thrilled at the idea of having another day with Killian with no cares or worries to be had.

“Actually, I stand corrected.” Emma raised a brow at his sudden change of tone. “I do have plans. Plans to keep you in bed and in my arms as long as humanly possible.”

When he swept her into his arms Emma laughed, letting slip a sound of shock that melted into pure excitement. She loved when this part of him came to the forefront, controlling and needy and demanding. He was the sweetest man she’d ever met, but he was also the sexiest, and when he flipped that switch to claiming her… God, she almost fanned herself just thinking of how it would be. In seconds she was riled up, desperate for what was coming, and then a knock sounded at the door and both of them froze.

“Are you expecting someone?” Emma whispered, as if the person on the other side of that door could somehow hear her.

“No, love. No one even knows where I live. Well, except for work and -,”

“Open up, brother! I know you’re in there!”

“Liam?” Emma and Killian both asked at the same time, and now her pulse was racing for a different reason. Oh shit – his brother was here? She’d never even met him and currently she was… Emma yelped. Jumping down from Killian’s arms and trying to get away. She was wearing nothing but his t-shirt and here was his brother come to visit! Oh God this was a nightmare.

“Emma, love, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know he was even in the states, never mind coming here.”

“I believe you,” Emma said, but she felt antsy now and desperate to get dressed and appear more presentable. She had imagined the moment she would meet Killian’s brother a thousand times, and it was safe to say none of those imaginings were anything like this.

“It’s going to be all right, Swan,” Killian said, kissing her quickly and staring into her eyes with an intensity she had to accept. “It’s sudden, but we were always headed to this. I love you for now and always. You’re a part of me, and so is Liam. It’s only right two of my favorite people should finally meet.”

Emma smiled despite her fear and nodded. “Okay. I’ll be quick.”

“Take all the time you need. You know I’d wait forever for you.” Emma stayed wrapped up in him for another moment, but then another knock sounded at the door.

“Killian! You better not be sleeping! Damn, just our luck, we surprise the lad and he’s dead to the world.”

“We?” Emma mouthed to Killian as another voice in the hallway responded.

“Give the boy a minute, Liam. He’s likely… tied up at the moment.”

“Uncle Benjen,” Killian said with a grin though his eyes still shone with confusion and Emma groaned. Tied up? Oh they totally knew she was here. God this was embarrassing!

Before she could wallow any longer though, Emma moved into the bedroom, locking the door as she heard Killian open his apartment to the family who loved him. Immediately Emma could hear the happy greetings said between them, and as she changed into clean clothes and tried to brush her hair she did her best not to panic. It was going to be okay. Kilian loved her and she loved him, and that would be enough. She could impress his family. At least she hoped she could.

Gathering her courage, Emma exited the bedroom and made her way to the living room where Killian stood with two men who looked so strikingly similar it gave Emma momentary pause. The younger of the two was Liam, and immediately Emma knew that he and Killian were brothers. They carried themselves the same way, though Liam was much taller, and when they both saw her and smiled, they mirrored each other so acutely. Then she saw Killian’s Uncle and she was shocked. He looked so young still, or maybe he was just aging very well. Either way it felt that looking at this man was getting a snapshot into what Killian may be like years from now. He obviously took care of himself, probably staying away from rum and dessert and any other vices one could have, but even in his age he looked youthful. Perhaps it was the mirthful glint in his blue eyes, that matched his nephews in every way.

“Liam, Uncle, this is Emma,” Killian said, coming over and taking her hand as he smiled at her lovingly. “Emma, this is my family.”

“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” Emma said her voice soft but steady as she relaxed in Killian’s hold. “I’ve heard a lot about you both.”

“Not nearly as much as we’ve heard about you, I’m sure,” Liam retorted with a sharp laugh. Emma reached out her hand to shake his, but he disregarded it, pulling her in for a giant bear hug that left her somewhat pressed for breath. “Now where the hell have you been all these years, lass?”

From the corner of her eye, Emma could see Killian looked stricken, but she just laughed, knowing Liam’s words were harmless. When he let her go she shook her head and shrugged, playing it cool. “Oh you know, around.”

“Well I’m glad he finally found you.”

“Me too,” Emma replied honestly before turning her attention to Benjen. Just like Liam he pulled her in for a hug, but this one was gentler and felt more like a father’s embrace than that of a rowdy older brother.

“You’ll have to forgive our informality, lass. It feels like you’ve been one of us a long time. A missing member of the family.”

“That’s very sweet of you to say,” Emma whispered, trying her best not to get choked up.

“Well don’t get used to that. We Jones men are hardly known for being sweet,” Liam said with a grunt and now Emma laughed, knowing he had to be kidding.

“Is that so?”

“You doubt me, lass?” Emma shook her head no but it was hard to keep a poker face. She found it too funny a concept.  

“Ah give her a break, boy. Can’t you see they’re in love? What is love if not a bit of sweetness?”

“Always the poet,” Killian replied to his Uncle, before pulling Emma in and kissing her temple. “Now then – just what the hell are you two doing here?”

Liam and Benjen quickly told them the whole tale, about how Liam was here on business, having given up the British navy for the chance to have his own security company. He was meeting with an international client here in the city, and on a whim had mentioned it to Benjen. Since the man was now retired, he was eager to come and see both his nephews at once, something he hadn’t been able to do in many months. And they were also both eager to see Emma, since Killian spoke of little but her and their lives back together again.

In the end, this was really the only day they’d have the chance to spend quality time together. Liam had a week filled with business, and Benjen was headed back to his estate near the coast tomorrow morning. It was just a short, spur of the moment surprise, and at first Emma wondered if she should let the three of them spend it alone, but that idea was quickly thrown out. Half the reason for their being here was to meet her, and to finally understand why Killian and her had shared a love for so long, and though Emma was a bit shy in the face of such an examination, she knew it would all work out, and that these men were all kind and good and without judgment, something she truly valued.

They spent the day moseying about the city, playing tourist in a place Emma had come to know so well. With the job that she had, so much of her time was spent looking for people and for clues, and to do that effectively she’d seen every corner of this city more than once. Along the way she found diamonds in the rough, and more than a few real gems scattered in amongst the more popular tourist dives. Her knowledge of the landscape gave her a chance to guide others in the things she loved most about this place, which she never got to do on a normal day. Feeling like an expert was a heady thing, it made this place feel more like home, and as the day went on, she watched as all of them took in the most beautiful parts of this city, many of them hidden from the guidebooks or any average tour. They filled the day with sight-seeing, new experiences, and a lot of laughter. Killian and his family never met a joke they wouldn’t tell, and Emma couldn’t remember having such a good time. It was so easy and light, and by the time the sun was setting, and the day was drawing to a close, she was sad to see it over, wishing, as so many people often did, that Sunday would last just a little bit longer.

Eventually they made it back to Killian’s apartment, where Liam insisted on cooking them all a meal truly fit for a king. He was a wonderful cook, and required very little help, but Emma did her best to chip in. Soon enough they ate, enjoying the food and the company in equal shares, and when it all was over, Emma made her way into the kitchen to prepare some dessert for all of them as a last little hurrah.

“Okay, now that she’s gone – what the hell is your problem, brother?” Liam asked and Emma stilled, hearing his words as if he spoke them right beside her thanks to the acoustics of this house.

“Liam, keep your voice down,” Killian whispered and now it was harder to hear. She knew she should stay as she was, offering them better privacy, but curiosity got the better of her, and she moved over towards the wall, giving herself more of a chance to overhear.

“She can’t hear me, and if she could why should that matter? I’m not saying anything bad about her. I’m saying you’re a fool.”

“Watch it,” Killian replied with a low warning tone.

“I will not. You’ve got a rare bird in there, Killian. A woman like that doesn’t just stumble into your life over and over again, and here you are wasting your chance.”

“I’m not wasting shit,” Killian said, and Emma agreed. After all, they saw each other ever day. What more could they really ask at this point?

“Tell him, Uncle Benjen,” Liam said with a huff, and Emma stood there transfixed and trying to anticipate what Killian’s brother was getting at.

“She’s a hell of a woman, lad,” Benjen announced, making Emma’s eyes water as he said it with such conviction. “But you know that already. It’s why she never left your heart.”

“Not for one second,” Killian agreed.

“So I believe what your brother is trying to say is, what the hell are you waiting for then? Put a ring on her finger and make her yours. You find the woman you belong to and you tie her down. Any sane man knows this.”

“I want to. More than anything, but it’s too soon -,”

“You’re not serio-,” Liam tried to get out but he was cut off.

“Liam,” Benjen said with stern warning, and Killian’s elder brother went quiet.  “Excuse my crass American turn of phrase, Killian, but bull shit. You’ve only just told me that the love you carry for her has been here for years, aye?”

“Yes.”

“And it’s clear as day she feels the same. So spare yourselves the heartache and ask her. You of everyone should know how rare these chances are. Would you ever forgive yourself if it slipped away?”

“No. But I’ll never let that happen. She’s never leaving me again. Never.”

Emma finally managed to pull herself away from where she’d been listening and she found herself filled with hope. He wanted to marry her? He truly saw forever together? What a wonderful thing to know, and how amazing it felt to realize that he felt as much as she did. Was it crazy to move so fast? Maybe. But hell if she cared. Killian’s Uncle was right. They were living through something most people never had a chance at. Finding love like this once would be a blessing, but finding it again when all hope seemed lost? Well that was just a fairytale. Except for them. For them it was real, and knowing that, Emma didn’t want to wait. She never wanted to take this for granted. Every moment mattered when so many moments had been lost. She wished she could tell him that, but it wasn’t yet the time do so.

As she brought the dessert back into the dining room, she made sure to make a lot of noise, announcing herself so they didn’t know she’d heard them. They were all very complimentary of the cake Emma had raved about, but Killian was quieter. He kept hold of her through dessert, always touching her leg or her hand, and never wandering far, but she could see that he was troubled. No doubt the conversation she’d heard part of was weighing on him, and even as his family made their goodbyes, he was still tense and strung tight.

“Emma, I can truly say it has been a pleasure,” Liam announced as they were slated to leave, wrapping her up in a big hug again.

“Same here, Liam. Hopefully you’ll be back soon?”

“You can be assured of that,” he said with a grin before going to speak to Killian. At that moment Emma felt a hand on her shoulder and she looked back to Benjen whose blue eyes had grown soft and thoughtful.

“I always prayed that somehow Killian would find you again, lass. I’m very glad that those prayers were answered.”

“Me too,” she whispered. “Sometimes I wake up, convinced this is all a dream. But it’s real.”

“Aye, as real as love can be, I suspect,” he quipped before patting her hand lightly. “See that you take care of my boy, Emma. Nothing in the world he needs more than you and your love, and I can tell, it’s the same for you.”

Emma nodded that it was before bringing him in for a hug, noticing that Killian had missed their little exchange. She was almost remorseful that he had. Surely that would have calmed him some, to know that she was in this too, but as his family left the apartment, leaving she and Killian alone, Emma could sense that he was troubled.

“Killian?” she asked, waiting for him to look at her while he hesitated for the first time in all the weeks they’d been reunited.

“I love them, truly I do, but right now… right now I’m so bloody mad at them I could scream.”

“Mad? Why would you be mad?”

“Because they came in here, took one look at you and saw exactly what I do. They saw you’re brilliant and beautiful and too damn good for me, and they…”

“They what?” Emma prodded, stepping to him and trying to console him though she felt her heart might climb out of her chest.

“They scared me, Emma. They took the goodness I was feeling, they took my peace and they shattered it.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I was never the same without you, love,” he said, and her throat tightened at this emotional mention of the past. “When you were gone, a piece of me went with you, never to return until I found you once more. I did my best to survive, but I wasn’t living, not really. Finding you again has given me everything I want. All I ever asked for was to see you again, to prove to you that I was worthy and that what we had was right.”

“You didn’t have to prove anything,” Emma assured him. “I knew you were my soul mate, Killian. I never ever doubted that.”

“I swore to whoever is up there listening that I would never ask for anything again. If I could have you, I’d be content for the rest of my days.”

“But you’re not?”

“No, I am,” he promised her, cupping her cheek and gazing at her with complete assuredness. “God, Emma, I’ve never been so happy, you know that. Being with you like we have been these past few weeks, I’ve gotten back to who I was. I feel like the whole and complete person I always thought I could be.”

“But you want more,” Emma said, finally understanding what he was getting at. “More than just what we are right now.”

“Aye,” he said, looking almost ashamed at how much he wanted her, which made no earthly sense. “And that’s why I’m mad, Emma. I need to take this slow. I want to make sure that you feel as secure in this as I do. It doesn’t matter that I want to marry you, have kids with you, build my life with you. Until I know you’re ready, I can’t -,”

Emma realized this was the kind of moment where words would fail. She could never tell Killian how misguided his worries were, but she knew that she could show him. Pulling him down for a kiss, she poured herself into this embrace, sharing everything with him and hopefully nullifying the fear and the anger that had swept into their world once and for all. By the time they broke apart, Emma could sense his calm returning. He looked at her, with eyes that shone with heat and impatience, but still he waited for her to make the next move. As ever, he was putting her first, and now it was her turn to show him that he could do that and have everything he wanted.

“Marry me,” she said, less an ask and more a hopeful demand. “I promise you it’s what I want. The time is right, right now. I don’t want to wait. I’d marry you tomorrow if I could, but there’s that pesky thing called work we both have to get to.”

“Damn Sundays,” Killian said, but the words had no real conviction as his smile appeared and he nodded.

“Is that a yes?”

“Technically you never asked.”

“Oh, right. Killian Jones, will you -,”

“Wait!” he said, interrupting her thought as he moved to take a little black box out of his pocket. Emma’s hand came to cover her mouth as she let out a gasp. He had a ring already? But how?

“I’ve been carrying this with me since the morning after our first date, love.”

“You’re kidding,” she said. Oh my God he was serious! But that was so dangerous. There were so many places he could have lost it. Someone could have taken it. They could have…

All her thoughts flew from her mind as she felt him take her hand and watched him get down on one knee. Tears stung at her eyes, but she smiled, doing her best to memorize every bit of this, so she had this memory forever.

“I know you meant to ask me, Emma, but the thing is I’ve been dreaming of this day since I was a boy. I always pictured more than this, with flowers and romance, but sometimes when it’s right, you know. So, Emma Swan, will you make me the happiest of men? Will you be my wife?”

“Yes,” she said, watching as he slipped the gorgeous ring on her finger.

And with that, the two of them celebrated this next step in their lives, knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that this was truly their forever, and that they never again would suffer the fate of two souls ripped apart when they truly are one.

Post-Note: So there we have it. I cannot believe this story is wrapping up, but at the same time it feels right to really close out this AU. As I said there are still two chapters left, ones I hope you will enjoy. My goal is to get them up and published in a timely manner, but realistically speaking I am in the homestretch of my final year of school, so god only knows when I’ll really get to write. I do have a bit of the next chapter crafted, and some mixtape chapters done though, so there’s more cuteness on a number of fronts still to come. I have also begun (as some of you know) to create a new AU that will likely come in late spring or early summer, but I want to make sure I see this project  through and have written it all before I allow myself to follow a new story. That being said, I truly hope you have all enjoyed and I thank you for your continued support. Hope you have a great rest of your weekend and see you next time!

[purecamp]

13 and 8 Shillam for the prompt thing

three cheers for shillam a-fucking-men!!!!!

Sharon wasn’t sure why she had agreed to the trip. Especially considering it was with Willam, her sort-of friend, sort-of enemy, who she was sure she hated but was also best friends with and maybe, maybe, had a long-line of deeply running sexual tension with. It was an inconvenience, not that she needed to book time off work since she was on a break, but that she had to drop off her sweet little Aquaria with her grandma for the weekend.

Something in her had told her to say yes, and she wasn’t sure what it was. Sympathy, maybe. Yeah, it was sympathy.

“Come on!” Willam had wheedled, twisting Sharon’s arm in much the same way as her beloved daughter would. “It’ll be fun!”

“Absolutely not a chance in hell.” Sharon had retorted. “You want me to accompany you on a vacation that you originally booked for your girlfriend until you found out she was cheating on you with my girlfriend. It’s not happening.”

Willam pouted. “It’s already paid for... You wouldn’t have to spend a dime...”

“Money isn’t the glaring issue here, Willam.”

“It’s a few days away from your kid?”

Sharon gasped, affronted. “Hey! I love that little shit, thank you very much! I hate being away from her!”

“Lame.” Willam rolled her eyes. “Look, it’ll be fun! Two newly single hot gals in Vegas? We can hit the tables, see some strippers, find someone to have a shotgun wedding with that’s immediately annulled just because it’ll make a fun chapter in the biography, get drunk on overpriced drinks...”

“You’re right! That does sound fun!” Sharon cheered, Willam perking up at her enthusiasm. “For a twenty year old. Which I am not. I’m thirty one. You’re thirty.”

Willam huffed. “What, and all fun stops when you’re thirty, does it?”

“It does when you just broke up with your cheating girlfriend and still have to take care of your ten year old daughter every day.”

“See, this is exactly why you need a vacation!” Willam exclaimed. “You’re stuck in a rut, Shar, face it. You’re hot - scratch that - you’re a hot mom, you’re young, you’re single, and I’m giving you a free - an all-inclusive, paid for by moi - vacation to Las Vegas to renew yourself. Take it, bitch.”

Sharon had decided to go because she felt bad that Willam couldn’t take her ex.

Though she would never admit it, they had been having fun. Loathe to “get settled in” before having any fun, Willam had asked someone at the front desk to take their bags up and whisked Sharon away to see the sights of the city - giving her no opportunity to spruce herself up. They had been gawping at Caesar’s Palace and all of the sights, and when the desert grew dark, Willam had pulled her in and out of various casino and strip joints.

At one point they had pondered seeing Magic Mike, but after Sharon vehemently argued that she was not that kind of mom, and far too gay for such a spectacle, they ended up watching a mixture of drag queens and strippers dancing to the same pop mixes.

“See! Isn’t this fun!” Willam yelled, over the booming music. 

It wasn’t. Willam looked fantastic, but she always did - blonde hair streaked with blue and pink and green that always made her look early twenties at most, glittery eyes, a tight dress and shapely tanned legs accentuated by strappy gold heels. Sharon felt very out of place in a dress that showed far more cleavage than she remembered it showing a decade ago, clutching a $14 drink that she sipped at slowly to ensure she didn’t have to buy another.

The show was good, though, so she nodded and pretending she wasn’t watching Willam’s legs crossing and uncrossing. She wasn’t. It was just weird that they had been getting along for such a while, that’s all.

“Alright, ladies and gents! Now, who should we pull up on stage with us? Are you ready?”

All of the girls on the mics were bold and confident, scanning the crowd for viable candidates. Sharon sunk down in her chair as Willam waggled her hands in the air, screaming in her usual pitchy voice to attract their attention. It had never worked before, and it would never work -

“How about these two beautiful ladies!”

Fuck. Sharon tried to protest as Willam grabbed her wrist, pulling her ungracefully out of her seat and onto the stage as one of the dancers assisted them. All eyes were on them as the queens cheered, ready for some audience participation.

“Alright! We need y’all’s names, so we know who to scream for!”

Willam was beaming. “I’m Willam! That other bitch is Sharon!”

Sharon would’ve been having fun if it wasn’t Willam, Willam who was not her friend but also kind of was and ugh - she was confused. And she kinda was having fun, anyway.

“Now, Miss Willam, tell me... Are you a whore? Damn right, girl! Now here’s what you’re gonna do.”

The club was silent as the host explained the nature of the participation to Willam, who continued grinning like a hyena. In what seemed like a matter of dizzying moments and flashing lights, the rest of the dancers returned, each of them carrying a chair. As soon as one was placed down, the music started, and Willam roughly shoved Sharon into it.

Her breath hitched as Willam danced to the seductive music, grinding her hips and rolling her body against Sharon’s. This was wrong. It was so, so wrong. In one, swift motion, Willam had straddled Sharon’s lap and was touching her shoulder, sensually moving in time to the music that Sharon could no longer hear. All she could make out was the rush of blood in her ears, sure she was scarlet and thanking the Vegas gods that all of the lights were too red to notice.

“What... the fuck....” She managed, her breath catching again as Willam’s thighs slammed onto her own, before she wrapped her legs around Sharon’s form and pulled her close. The audience was screaming, cheering wildly, but Willam had managed to hear her.

“What’s wrong? This is fun!” Willam taunted, circling her hips in front of Sharon’s face.

Sharon raised her eyebrows, breathless. “Excuse me. I made the mistake of thinking this couldn’t get any weirder. Sorry.”

Willam just laughed. “You just sit tight.”

When they stumbled out of the club and back into their hotel, Sharon was speechless. Her thoughts had been wrestling endlessly, slamming themselves against her head again and again. Namely, she was battling with just one thought - why, in that moment, did she find Willam so hot?

Had she always found Willam hot? Was it just now? Was it because of the sleazy lap dance in a strip club in Las Vegas? Was it because her ex-girlfriend had been fucking Willam’s ex-girlfriend, and this was some kind of sick karma?

Or... was it just that Willam was really hot?

Sharon used her keycard on the room, thankful that she hadn’t trusted it to Willam, who was complaining that she’d lost at least two lipsticks, but was otherwise in high spirits. She seemed invigorated by the whole night.

“See, Sharon? That was only one day in Vegas! This weekend is gonna be awesome!”

She practically danced into the room, throwing herself onto the bed, whereas Sharon stopped dead. Her pulse was still racing from the club.

“There’s only one bed.”

Willam looked at her. “Yeah. It was like, an extra $75 to switch to a twin room, and I said fuck that. Figured you wouldn’t mind sleeping... sharing a bed with me.”

Sharon laughed in spite of herself, sounding very much like her own mother’s exasperated laughter and wondering, momentarily, when she had become so jaded.

“What is this, Willam? Is this some dumb ploy to get me to sleep with you?”

Willam sat up, confused. “No, why? Is it working?”

“Willam!”

“Okay!” Willam relented, giggling. “It’s not, honestly, and I’m not lying about the bed situation either. Just... I know you’re used to annoying bed-mates, I fugured you wouldn’t mind me.”

Sharon sighed. “Fine. Just this once, Belli.”

She shed her dress in the bathroom, scrubbing off her makeup and settling into her cheap pyjama combo. Willam had taken the left side of the bed, and as she padded back into the room, she was tucked in up to her chin.

“You’re back!” Willam called, shifting her arm. All Sharon saw was a long expanse of smooth, tan skin. “By the way, I sleep naked. Nighty night!”

[icameheretowinry]

Ed for character ask, if you want! Have a nice day ❤️

If I want? If I want??? If I want?!?!?! OF COURSE I WANT TO. Ed ruined my life in the best possible way and I will ramble about him forever. LET’S. DO. THIS. 

How I feel about this character:

Obviously, you guys know that Edward Elric is not only my favorite character in the fma universe, but probably my favorite character in general. He’s excellently written, deeply representative of the nature of humanity, and endures beautifully subtle development over the course of his story. I’ve done several character analyses of Ed, but I tend to ramble. Here, I really want to take my time, and talk about specific aspects of his character I think are the most worthy of note. This might get l o n g, so grab some snacks and settle in. Let’s talk about the Fullmetal Alchemist!

One of most defining and well-written characteristics of Ed is his tragic backstory. The consequences of attempting to revive their mother follow Ed and Al years after it occurs, and forms one the main backbone of their story. While the immediate aftermath tends to define a large part of Ed’s personality in the beginning, what makes him so fascinating is that he eventually learns that using his personal tragedies as an excuse for his shortcomings with get him nowhere. Instead, he learns to use his suffering as a springboard to make sure no one else ever has to feel the way he and his brother did. The awful things that happen to Nina are a major setback, but instead of collapsing further in on himself, Ed, mostly thanks to Al, realizes that not only is it ok to start by trying to save himself, but with that effort, he can become stronger, and by extension, do more to help others. So, instead of using tragedy as an excuse for his weaknesses, Ed faces them to make himself stronger, and throughout his journey, use them as markers of his progress, or as checks to his humility. 

Ed is also incredibly well-written to reflect his age. Sure, your average twelve-year-old is not an alchemic prodigy serving in the military, but I’m talking about how Ed reacts to his circumstances as a boy who’s just trying to piece he and his brother’s lives back together. Ed can play up the adult facade as much as he wants, but Arakawa also wrote him to be what he is; a kid. In the early stages of his story, Ed reacts to many inconveniences with fits of frustration, triumphs with unabashed cockiness, and authority or criticism with an upturned nose. Most of these immature reactions lessen or die out as his story progresses, as it does when someone starts to grow up. I can say that after living with a younger brother at ages 12, 13, 14, etc., Arakawa did a spectacular job of not only capturing those years with deadly accuracy, but applying them to an extraordinary individual like Ed in a way that felt effortless. While on a quest that eventually would determine the fate of the world as they knew it, he also gets nervous over a crush, and deals with the ups and downs of teenage friendships. (I mean, 99.9% of people’s best friends in high school don’t give up control of their body to an immortal being but there’s a metaphor I’m getting at here.) 

Another super interesting aspect of Ed’s character is his guilt complex. For someone who so acts his age, he still takes on blame for many things that legitimately weren’t his fault. He blames himself for the loss of Al’s body, though there was no way he could’ve know what Truth would’ve taken from him, or that Truth would’ve intervened at all. He chastises himself for not being useful in dire situations when Winry stepped up to deliver Dominic’s grandchild in Rush Valley. It wasn’t his area of expertise, while Winry, he acknowledges, grew up with doctors for parents and reading medical textbooks. He feels helpless, but how could he know he would find himself in such a situation? He even holds himself responsible as a culprit in Hughes’ death for getting him involved in their research of philosophers’ stones. What Hughes discovered about the nationwide transmutation circle was, ultimately, his own doing. In addition, besides blaming himself for the loss of Al’s body, a guilt that Ed carries to the end of his story was his inability to save Nina. Just because he was the first person to put all the pieces together, he thought that if he realized Shou Tucker’s true intentions that much sooner, she would still be alive. Yet, realistically, no one else had figured it out either. He was just in the wrong place at the right(?) time. Yet, all of this being said, the moments during which Ed overcomes some of his guilt are some of the most powerful in the entire story. (Learning that Al didn’t blame him for the loss of his body is a prime example.)

As I’ve mentioned in other recent character analyses, a complex personality is key to a strong and likable character, and my god, does Ed have one. Ed has many traits that make him just fascinating to watch. While his early cynicism of humanity fades away, he remains cocky, stubborn, abrasive, short-tempered, sarcastic, occasionally hostile to figures of authority, and not one above stroking his own ego. Yet, a lot of those aspects of his personality veer towards superficial. He views every human life (in all forms) as sacred, and something he is painfully reluctantly to use to further his own goals. To those who earn his respect, he is endlessly loyal, selfless, and fights for those who can’t fight for themselves. His personality also takes on a different tint (like a real person) when he interacts with different people. He fights to see the Ling within Greed, but ultimately respects Greed as a member of his team. He’s in awe, yet honest with Riza. He’s sarcastic with Roy, but when in danger, is his greatest ally. He’s level-headed, firm, and forgiving with Al. He’s uniquely gentle and compassionate to Winry. In short, he’s beautifully and painfully human. 

Finally, Ed is an excellent foil to the character of Father. While the latter tried to make himself a perfect being by ridding himself of humanity’s seven deadly sins (an idea I remember someone, though I can’t remember who, likening his goal to the idea of Nietzsche’s “Übermensch,” which is basically a form of superior man who could rise above traditional Christian values to impose his own. That sounds pretty accurate to me, but I’m no expert in this corner of philosophy.), Ed actively embraced all of his flaws, guilt, and well, sins, to ultimately become a more compassionate individual who is able to ultimately triumph over evil. (As a side note, Greed’s aid in this final battle really adds extra emphasis to his earlier explanation to Ed that “everyone wants something they cannot have.” The fact that Greed sacrifices himself in this moment to assure Father’s defeat proves that point several times over, which just makes those final sequences of the battle that much cooler [and heartbreaking]). The fact that Ed, who is riddled with what Father considers the ultimate faults of humanity, still overcomes him, proves that the rejection of own’s own humanity is a greater evil than the sum of it’s parts. As a huge characterization nerd, that’s pretty freaking cool. 

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

Edwin is easily one of my top five OTPs, and I honestly don’t see shipping Ed with anyone else. Like Roy and Riza, Ed and Winry’s relationship is built on years of trust, respect, friendship, and tragedy. While they sometimes struggle with communicating their feelings, whether its about each other or the circumstances they’re facing, they always manage to get their feelings across when the moment demands it. It seems that their respective obsessions confuse or annoy each other, yet, they each possess huge admiration for the other’s accomplishments and passions. They understand the harsh burden of losing their parents, and Winry never judges Ed for attempting to revive his mother, likely because she had the same kind of longing. In addition, each of them are deeply concerned for the safety of the other, with Ed especially going to great lengths to ensure Winry is unaffected with his involvement in the military. Sadness of one pains the other, and they’re both hellbent on making sure the other is, in the end, happy. Talk about the makings of a great relationship! Also, at the most basic level, they’re SO DAMN ADORABLE.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: 

I have to go with Al here. (Also apparently this got too long to add more gifs so rip to that idea…) These two have been through so much together, balance the weight of their varying personalities, and as a result, are the ultimate allies. Besides the deep care these brothers share, the most interesting aspect about them is how their personalities contrast and support one another. Ed is typically hot-headed and impulsive. Al is calmer and leans more towards logic. Ed has a big ego and is sarcastic. While Al has his moments, he’s unflinchingly kindhearted. However, their mutual passion for alchemy, humanity, and completing their quest are unmatched. The story is about brotherhood, and these two are the ultimate protagonists. Al’s superior battle sense, levelheadedness, and gentle personality are the perfect balance to Ed. He brings him back down to earth, yet encourages him to race to the ends of it. They joke and argue, but you know they would sacrifice everything for the other. 

My unpopular opinion about this character:

*sigh* The Ed being really short joke did eventually get old… 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

As is the case with many fma characters in my book, I want to see more! Knowing Ed, there’s no way this kid would peak at 18. I want to see his adventures after the promised day. I want to see him with Winry and his kids, being a great father, but I also want to see him traveling, discovering, and maybe getting himself into a bit of trouble here and there! At the end of years of struggling and hardship, I want to see the next crazy step in his journey. There’s no way he’d sit still for long. The sky’s barely the limit for Ed, and i want to see how far he flies. 

Send me a character, if you dare. 

[littledreamybeth]

Healing

SO here is the requested part two of Heartbreak! Feedbacks are always appreciated and I hope you like it! And yes! (Y/N) is on birthcontrol before someone accuses me! (Picture is not mine!!! But he looks ho af!!!)Sorry for any kind of grammar, spell mistakes!

Warnings: Smut, make up sex

-edited-

Harry POV            

“Harry mate, your performance was amazing dude!” Adam praises me but I cannot focus on anything except for this text message that  has turned my mood upside down. I’ve seen it before, however, I had to be on stage before I could observe it carefully.

“I’m proud of who you become, H even if that meant to break my heart. I will always love you forever and I will never forget you. You will be endlessly in my mind. Go and rock that stage, my little dreamer. X.”

It is a text from (Y/N). I have never imagined that I would receive anything from her after I had  let her down, just like that with no proper explanation. The more I look at this message, the more it kills me and soon I start to cry.

“Harry?” Adam asks and sits down next to me. ”Are you crying? Hey, what’s the matter?” Instead of answering, I shove the message into his face that (Y/N) had sent me. Adam knew about my break up with her. He was the first person that I went to when I needed a shoulder to cry on.

“Shit mate,” he comments and pats my shoulder. “Why don’t you just go and talk to her? It will do you good.” I know he is right, I had to talk to her before this mess, however, I just have been a coward so far.

“After the way I left her?” I sniffle. “She probably hates me now.”

“Mate, there is no way she hates you. If she had, she would never write something  like this.. Look it says “I will always love you forever “ and I know you still love her too, so, why do you torture yourself like this? Go and get your girl back. Before somebody else does.”

“That’s the reason why I actually left her,” I state.

“Harry, you’re an idiot if you think that another guy will make her happy as much as you did.”

He is right. I have been just stupid to realize that she is dependent on me as much as I am dependent on her. We need each other like lungs need air in order to survive. And I have been foolish enough not to see this and make the decision of leaving her on my own.

After we broke up, I swear, I was depressed as I have never been before in my life. I have tried to drown myself into my work just to have a distraction from the immense pain that I felt, however,  even making music couldn’t heal the large gap in my heart. I need her so much.

“Harry, talk to her. That’s all you need. And if she does not take you back, then at least you can’t say you haven’t tried.”  

***

As soon as the plane lands onto the ground and I’m back from Shanghai, the first thing I do is going to check up on (Y/N) just like Adam has told me. I’m very nervous about confronting her if I’m honest. I’ve really thought the day I left her would mark the last day I would ever see her, but I have been totally wrong. I need her back and I’m willing to give everything for having her back in my life again.

Now, I’m standing in front of her apartment and as I knock on the door with a shaky, trembling hand, it feels like an eternity when I perceive footsteps from the other side and then suddenly, the door is being opened. My heart hammers hard against my chest and for a moment my tongue feels as if it was being knotted and I’m loss of words. What am I going to say? Is she even going to hear me out? However, all the panic vanishes when the door is opened by someone I haven’t expected to see at all.

“Hey, Ella,” I greet her sheepishly. She’s (Y/N)’s best friend and the one and only who had brought us together. Back then, she was smart enough to realize (Y/N) and I having feelings for each other, but none of us had been brave to confess their love to the other one. Ella, instead, took the responsibility as cupid and with a few tricks (Y/N) and I became lovers in a short time. I just notice I have never thanked her enough for her effort.

Ella looks at me as if she has seen a ghost, her face turning pale instantly as her eyes widen, and her mouth almost touches the ground. I think she hasn’t expected to see me either. I can’t blame her. Before I can say another word, I feel a hand making contact with my cheek- very hard, if I may say- and it leaves a stinging pain behind. Now it’s me who gazes shockingly at her and I discover the change of her facial expression. She is fuming at me; her eyes spit fire and it seems like she is thinking about thousand ways of how to kill me.

I caress my sore cheek carefully. “This is not a friendly way of welcoming somebody, but I think I deserved it,“ I sigh.

“You deserve far more things than that, Harry,” she speaks angrily. “You’re lucky Brandon is not here, otherwise you would be lying in the hospital now, all beaten up and stuff. What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn’t you be on tour or something?”

“I’m free for now,” I explain shortly. “Is (Y/N) there?”

“If you haven’t realized, it’s her apartment and of course she’s at home.” The sarcasm in her voice is unmistakable.

“Can I see her, please? I need to talk to her, Ella.”

She crosses her arms in front of her chest and looks kind of unconvinced. “And you only notice that now? Where have you been a couple of months ago? When she really needed an explanation for why you just left her?”

“I know Ella, I know I made a huge mistake and messed up pretty bad but believe me I’m here to make things right. I just want her back, she’s all I need.” I look desperately at her. If she does not let me in, I don’t know how to survive this.

I’ve just expected her to send me away and ruin my plans like every best friend would do, however, her answer surprises me. She inhales deeply before she talks again.

“Listen, Harry, even though I should tell you to piss off and never ever lay a foot onto this ground, I still can’t because I know how much she loves you. She has never stopped. And I cannot see her in pain any longer so if you can build her up again so that she doesn’t look like a dead man walking, please do it.”

A wide grin of appreciation appears on my lips and I my heart does flips in my chest. Just a few more steps and I finally would be reunited with the love of my life, my beautiful (Y/N).

Before I can enter the apartment, Ella stops me by laying her hand on my shoulder. The look on her face is intimidating, even for me. “But I’m warning you, rock star, if you should break her heart again, I will break every single bone in your body. Be careful.”

I nod my head. “I promise I will never hurt her again.” And I mean it. I’d rather die than hurting her ever again. Ella takes her hand away and gestures me to follow her. Memories do overwhelm me as I’m back at the place that I once called home. Nothing has changed since my absence; everything is still placed at its usual spot.

I haven’t spotted her yet, but as Ella leads me to her bedroom, the room I feel connected to the most, nervousness and panic rise again in my body. In a few seconds I will see her and I have absolutely no words to describe how I feel.

Ella knocks on the door and without any permission coming from the inside, she opens the door.

“(Y/N) sweetie, you have a visitor.” she informs her and moves aside. As soon as I see her, it feels like I have never left and I am in love with her even more. I finally feel alive.

(Y/N) POV

When Ella claims that someone wanted to see me, I have definitely not expected to face my ex-boyfriend who just suddenly stands in the room right next to my best friend. The books I have intended to shove into my shoulder bag slip down my hand while I have been preparing my things for tomorrow’s lessons, and fall onto the ground with a loud thud. Shock consumes my body in an instant and my heart accelerates as I look at this handsome young man that I’m still in love with. I’m confused though. What is he doing here? No; Why is he here?

“I’m sure you guys have things to talk through,” Ella says, “and I will no longer be a bother since this is none of my business. I’m out, sweetie. Call me later, okay?” My eyes desperately meet hers, silently pleading her not to go. I cannot do this on my own, I need emotional support. Before I can reply something, Ella steps out of my bedroom and leaves me alone with Harry.

The tension in the room is clearly noticeable and it suffocates me at the same time, tying up my lungs.  I tear my eyes away from him or else, I’m sure, I will break down in front of him which I cannot allow happening. Immediately, I bend down to collect my books so I have something to distract myself.

“Hello, love,” he mumbles, his voice sounding low but smooth and for a second a shiver runs down my spine. It seems like a whole life that I haven’t heard the melody of his angelic voice, even though it has been only a couple of months. From the corner of my eye, I can tell that he has not moved a bit, still standing at the same spot but his eyes remain on me the whole time and his gaze spears through me like thousand knives.

“Hi, Harry,” I greet him back shortly. I close my bag and lay it on my chair in front of my desk.

“Can we talk?” he asks carefully as if he was afraid I would tear his head off. It still surprises me of how calm and relaxed I am if you consider the pain I’ve gone through the last weeks that he caused. Other girls would definitely scream at their ex lovers or even send them back to where the hell they are coming from, but me, I still acknowledge his presence.

Cautiously, I dare to take a look at him and my insides churn. He looks pretty as always, however, I can spot the slight dark circles under his eyes. He had probably a long night. He wears the black, long trench coat that I used to love, a white shirt underneath, tight blue jeans and vans. It does not get into my get how he always manages to look handsome in everything he wears.

I don’t give an instant answer. However, I can tell he is helpless and lost like a newborn puppy.

“(Y/N), please. We have things to talk through,” he tries again.

I wrinkle my eyebrows at him, crossing my arms in front of my chest to create a barrier between us. I need to protect my emotions against him. I cannot let him tear me down like he had before. “What’s there to talk about Harry? It’s over. You have made it pretty clear, haven’t you?” The hint of annoyance was audible in my voice.

“Please, hear me out. I swear I can explain everything,” he croaks. “Just listen to me.”

“Why should I after the way you left me, huh? I have no time for your poor excuses, Harry.” I try hard to hold my tears back, but it won’tt take me long enough to succumb my emotions, I can tell. He moves a few steps forward, however, I signal him to stop. He obeys my order.

“I owe you an explanation, petal.” I try to ignore the pet name he uses, but deep down it stings terribly. He always called me love names like that.

“Where have you been couple of months ago, Harry? Did you just realise that you owe me something? I needed an explanation back then, but you just walked out on me and never came back.” A hiccup leaves my mouth and I cannot prevent tears to escape my eyes.

“I know, and I’m so sorry, love. You have no idea how much I regret hurting you like that.” He wipes his finger over his left eye.

“Bullshit!” Anger boils in my veins. I want to slap him so bad, however, I know I could never do that. No matter how much he hurt me, I could never bring myself to hurt him back. “You certainly have been happy that you no longer have to deal with me, Harry. I was a bother to you, right?”

“What? No! You’re talking nonsense, love.”

“Stop calling me pet names, Harry!” I scream at him, leaving him completely dumbfounded. He is clearly shocked about my outburst because never has he seen me with so much rage. “Y-you have no idea what you’ve done to me. You have no idea how many nights I’ve spend crying myself to sleep and hoped you would come back through that door.” I point at the bedroom door behind him. “You have no idea how many times I looked at my phone to check up whether you have sent me a message or even called me, but guess what? None of them happened. You did not try to contact me throughout this time and now you just stand here right in front of me and expect me to hear you out?” All the anger that was hiding in me all this time now is poured out of me and it feels like half of the burden I had carried along with me is gone.

“I messed up, (Y/N). I messed up fucking bad and I know it. But you have to know, I was hurting too. I swear I died every day and night because I knew I lost you. I pretended to smile every day to cover up the pain I felt. All the happy pictures you probably seen of me is nothing but a lie.”

“Then why did you leave me?” I whimper out. He comes closer and I do nothing to keep him back from me. My heart aches again and I’m in no state to push him back. I can sense his presence so close; his warmth radiates out of him and engulfs me.

“I was afraid, that’s why,” he sniffles. “I was afraid you could leave me because you couldn’t compete with my lifestyle. All the girls I’ve dated broke up with me for the same reason and I could not allow myself another heartbreak. I was concerned you’d breaks things off with me cause I’m almost never there and too busy to take care of you. All I wanted was for you to find someone who can give you everything I can’t (Y/N). I wanted someone to give you the entire world. “

I shake my head and a laugh escapes my mouth, even there is nothing to laugh about. I’m outraged. “You’re so stupid, Harry. You broke the two of us because a god damn insecurity was getting to your head? I’ve told you countless times I would never leave you and I will be always there for you. It hurts to know you never trusted me completely when I dedicated my life to you.”

“I know fucked up but if you give me another chance I swear I will do everything in my power to make things right. Even if that means that I have to make it up for you for a life time.”

His hands cup my cheeks and stroke them gently. With his thumbs he collects the tears that now stream out of my eyes like a waterfall.

“I’m tired Harry.” I sigh and close my eyes. After all those couple of months, I am so exhausted like I have never been before. Our break up has stolen the whole strength I once had in my body and now I am nothing but powerless.

“Don’t close your heart to me, please.”

“There is no heart left in me anymore. It’s yours Harry, you own it. You will always have it.”

I lean my cheek against him hand and feel the cold material of his rings on my skin.

“Look at me, love. Please, show me those beautiful eyes I have fallen for.”

I do as he orders and discover the pearls of tears in his forest green eyes. Yes, he has been hurting a lot too, I believe him and I really want to forgive him, however, it will take a lot of time to work on our relationship. I want to work on us at least with tiny steps.

“Please, forgive me.” He cries. “From now on,I promise to treat you better.”

I sling my arms around his neck, pushing him heavily against my body. The ability to hold him has fulfilled me with energy, giving me the chance to finally breathe. The emptiness in my heart has left and I’m so happy to have him back in my life.

He buries his face in the crook of my neck, his breath tickles my skin.

“I missed you so much,” he whispers.

“I missed you too.”

His face comes closer to mine, I can feel his breath ghosting over my mouth. He looks at me gently before he connects our lips. They are sealed to a hungry kiss and having them on mine after so many months feels so refreshing. His taste is still familiar on my tongue and I can’t get enough of him. I lead our bodies slowly to my bed. I need him. I need him so much. He pulls away and glances at me, his eyes are filled with regret, sorrow but also hope and love.

“I’m so sorry, love. For everything I’ve done to you.”

“No more talking, Harry,” I beg, my eyes meeting his desperately and pleadingly. “Please, just make love to me. Love me.”

“I already love you, (Y/N). Never stopped,” he whispers against my lips, his forehead gently touching mine while he pushes me back onto the mattress so that I lie on my back and he can  hover over my body. “No more hurting, love, no more pain. Just you and I.” He brings our lips to a kiss once again.  

I could do this forever and ever. Kissing him passionately as if my life was dependent on him. His hands trail down my body and when they arrive at my thighs, he gently squeezes them. I let out a gasp and Harry takes this moment for his own advantage by slowly gliding his tongue into my mouth.

I have been craving for him for so long and now he’s really here, over me and ready to give me back what I want, what I need: His love!

My own hands gently run up his arms and try to remove his long, black trench coat from his shoulders only to reveal the white t-shirt underneath. He helps me but never disconnects our lips. The heavy coat lands somewhere at the corner of my room. My breath gets heavier and both excitement and anticipation of what’s going to come overwhelms my body with joy. His lips move from my own to my neck and from there, he plasters feather light kisses on my skin. My eyes hit the back of my head in lust, a slight moan escaping my lips. I don’t want him to stop.

I run my fingers through his mob of messy curls, feeling their softness under my finger tips. How much have I missed touching his hair and I am so glad to be able to do this again.

“Take off your shirt,” I pant and he does not hesitate to follow my order. I help him pulling off his shirt and this one also lands on the ground. I let my hands glide up and down his bare torso, grazing my teeth on my lover lip. My eyes are practically devouring him with their glances just like a lion devours its prey. I trace the outline of his abs, sensing how his muscles tense under my touch. I can discover a few more tattoos that he must have gotten after our break up and let my fingers trace over his black-inked skin. From all of his tattoos, the butterfly is my ultra favorite.

I look back at him, seeing his pouty swollen lips from our kiss and his gentle green orbs that observe me with desire and adoration while I do the same. He offers me a loving smile which I instantly return.

“Are you sure you want this?” he inquires. He usually doesn’t need an answer because he knows how much I need to feel him, but nevertheless I nod and give him my approval.

“Absolutely sure,” I say. Therefore, he offers me the cutest dimpled smile I’ve ever seen and that probably exists in this world.

Bit by bits he slowly frees me from my clothes. I do the same with his until we’re nothing but naked and completely vulnerable to each other. Harry gives me another kiss on my lips.

“You’re beautiful, you always were.” My heart accelerates due to his compliment, my cheeks reddening and I reply a shy, “Thank you.”

His hands are everywhere, caressing and loving my body, treating me wonderfully. There is no rush; we both savor the time we have and enjoy the gentle touches that we give each other. Now that I have him back, my once broken soul is full of life.

His soft lips trail from neck down to my belly and wherever he touches me, I feel a deep and hot desire for him. “Harry…” I sigh in satisfaction.

“I love you, (Y/N),” he says softly. “I love this belly you’ve always complained about.” He plants little kisses on my stomach. “I am in love with these stretch marks on your hips that you find ugly.” He also kisses my hips. “I love these as well.” He grins, and gently massages my breasts which makes me laugh. “And I absolutely love these wonderful and kissable lips.” He connects our lips to a kiss. “I am undeniably in love with you and I will never understand how I could live without you all these months. You’re my life, love.”

“I love you, Harry,” I reply, feeling quite emotional about the words he has said. my eyes start to tear up.

“No, no, no, don’t cry, please,” he soothes me, wiping the tears away.

“I am happy, Harry, “ I croak. “I am so grateful to have you back.”

With a swift motion he moves us so that I’m on top of him to straddle him. He holds me tightly around my waist and presses me against his bare chest.

“I’ll never let you go, hun, I promise. Not again.”

I don’t know how many times we did this already, but I bend forward to catch my lips with his. I cannot help it; I am addicted to his lips and can never get enough of him.

I carefully lead my hand down to his private area. My fingers wrap themselves around his erect manhood which is hard and pulsating in my hand. Harry flinches, hissing at the sudden contact and then, I start to work on his sensitive part by gliding my hand up and down. He throws his head back, eyes tightly shut and sweet moans escape his lips. Experiencing him drowning in a lake of lust is a very pretty sight.

“Do you like it, baby?” I ask seductively, biting on the soft skin of his earlobe while my hand does its magic on him.

“I d-do, don’t stop, please.” I line his member at the entrance of my wet core, teasing him a little bit more before I let myself sink down on him. I gasp, feeling thousand tingles in my belly and a mix of different emotions do overwhelm me. We need a few moments to breathe, to feel each other in this intimate position and to process that us making love is really happening. My mind is clouded only by the immense love that I share for him and I don’t want to think about anything except for how amazing Harry makes me feel.

We again switch positions, our foreheads are pressed against each other and our breaths mix up as he begins to move, making passionate love to me. I dig my nails on his skin, unintentionally scratching him, but what can I say?- he feels so good. His pace is slow and cautious, as if I was made of porcelain and he’s afraid that just a wrong move can damage my fragile body, but his thrusts are still deep enough to hit the right spots that give me an optimum amount of pleasure.

Sweat forms on his forehead and I swipe it off. The entire time our eyes never leave each other and I can see his making silent promises to me. Soon, I feel the familiar pressure in my lower area and I’m close to hit my climax.

“Harry…” I whimper labored.

“I know love,” he pants. “I can feel it. Together, okay?” I nod my head but it takes me a lot to not explode here and now. A few more thrusts and Harry and I let go at the same time. Loud screams of pleasure leaves our mouths; I can sense him emptying his load into me while he rides us through our orgasms before he finally falls on top of me, exhausted, but smiling.

“That was…” he begins, breathing heavily.

“Amazing…” I end his sentence.

“Yeah, it absolutely was.”

We stare at each other for a while. Then, a yawn escapes my lips and my limbs begin to fall, which made Harry laugh a little. His hands reach for the blanket and cover our naked and sweaty bodies with the it, and then Harry wraps his arms around my waist. His body heat engulfs me instantly.

“Sleep well my queen,” he says, kissing the side of my head before we both drift off to the land of dreams. “I love you.”

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