#enigma rambles

[ayzenigma]

bonus: add in the tags where you’re from if you want

[mysticscorpia]

Little self vent.

I'm so ready for my head to be quiet. For the voice of previous people telling me things to go away.

But at the same time, some of these voices are the things that push me out of bed and make sure I live life, doing what I need to do.

And it's so frustrating, being able to say "Yes, I did this today. That was successful." and then it's suddenly all wrong because one voice says "No it isn't, you should have done more, done better."

Slowly, I'm unlearning all of this. I'm unlearning the feelings of belief in these voices. The more you believe in them, the harder it is to ignore them. It's easier to swat them away then.

But what if you spend life having those voices enough that every day, you're constantly fighting just to get through. And is life always this? What is the point? If you're constantly at war, in conflict with the very motivation of yourself.

You don't deserve to be kicked when you've done well or even if you're resting, so why does my head do it?

[gaylactic-fire]

Something very very funny to me about the little cutscene that plays when you dye your clothes in BOTW. Link's silly "Uh oh." realisation that he's about to fall into the water below (and one of the only times this dude visibly shows fear might I add) would have been a cute one off cutscene. But it's the fact that every single time you dye a piece of clothing the same cutscene replays that kills me. The implication that even though you've dyed like 15 armour sets, each time Link forgets what's going to happen and each time is SHOCKED when he remembers again, piecing it together at the last second.

It's also worth noting that when you want to remove dye from your clothes, Link does not do the shocked gasp, but instead does a little determined nod, as if to say "Let's do this!". Therefore showing he is also fully aware of what will happen in THAT scenario??

Did Nintendo want me to dwell on these details? No absolutely not. Am I adding it to my evidence of Link being an absolute emotional enigma? Yes.

[specialbluehens]

i'm thinking abt if/once shane becomes more involved in jas's life (trying to do better by her & stuff) that at events her & vincent will tire themselves out & shane will pick jas up (she's sleeping or almost asleep) & make eye contact with jodi or kent holding a sleepy vincent & it's just. silent understanding.

[smolstarthief]

Holy cow I didn't think both of my Alastor posts would blow up so quickly (I mean sure he's a fan favorite but still)! I'm also just as happy when I see tags or comments indicating that they'll be used for refs! It's nice!

[batsbirdsandspeedstersohmy]

when there a fanfic with Justice League meeting/finding out about the batfamily for the first time. With a side of birdflash

Me:

[rattfreakk]

I had this idea of tim talking to his cat in this high pitched voice, saying how pretty and sweet she is. While jay is seething in the corner, wishing that it was him tim was talking to that way.

[comet-wire]

Last night I cried, and I mean UGLY cried at a foul hour because I love Albert Wesker and I hate it. (/Lh)

Like first off, the man's name is Albert??? Need I say more? But then, his name is kinda gothic when you say his full name. I don't know if that's just me. But just simply referring to him as Albert is goofy as fuck considering he's supposed to be a villain in RE. Not only that, he's got paper thin lips. How's he gonna get a kiss kiss??☝️🤨/ref

But it wasn't only that, mind you, it's also because this absolute FUCK, this evil David Bowie and Johnny bravo looking mother fucker, has consumed my life and every waking thought that sometimes it genuinely hurts and that's what I hate about being autistic. It's just how much I want to consume of something once it becomes a special interest and/or hyperfixation. On top of that, Wesker is a special case for me because I found out I technically trauma bonded to him as a comfort character. For the past year and a half now, I got back into RE because of the RE4R and began hyperfixating on said game then it spiraled into hyperfixating about the Wesker's storyline, with project W and so on. I already have a tendency to go back to RE periodically every like two or so years but this has low-key been probably the longest I've consistently fixated on RE without a single break in-between. My dad and I bonded over resident evil, he's one of the people who got me into RE, albeit he watched the movies and I got into the game's. Which means RE means a whole lot to me and since he passed my fixation on it only heightened as a source of comfort. I also found out when you have a comfort character during a horrible period in your life, you very well can trauma bond with said character. So that means out of all characters, I have trauma bonded to Albert Wesker and I am two seconds away from tweaking. 🤩

On top of that, every time @rainbowroadonsteroids sends me something remotely Wesker related I start punching my wall and they bully me for it smh./Lh+nm

Shout out to my favorite human nightlight, Albert Wesker. ☝️🗿

[annimoose]

I have a co-worker who always tells me that I'm a logical-thinker, I'm straightforward, and thorough.

Mind you I only have three things on my mind at all times and thats:

Malevolent,

Sonic the Headgehog,

and Queens of The Stone Age

There is nothing logical, straightforward, or anything thorough about that. My brain is literally nothing but mushed together rainbow play-doh spaghetti.

[ihatebrainstorm]

Finished Arkham Origins the other day and oh my god FRIKIN RIDDLER. I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING WHENEVER I SEE HIS STUPID SMUG ASS FACE BC I KEEP THINKING "He LOOKS LIKE BRAINSTORM" ToT

[ayzenigma]

some haikavehnonari ot4 game nights/competitiveness headcanons bc these thoughts have plagued me all day

kaveh: more/most generally competitive overall, a hot/heated competitive that burns with passion and life and enthusiasm and excitement

cyno: mostly only competitive when with tcg, otherwise just vibing. said vibing can turn into competitiveness if mirroring the atmosphere the others are giving

tighnari: usually relatively calm, but also The Most Competitive specifically when challenged, a cold calculating cut-throat competitive, no holds barred will destroy you to take the win/prove a point

alhaitham: competitive only when it amuses him, a teasing competitive. acts competitive to get a rise out of the others more than his own inherent competitiveness. unless its against himself, in which the competitiveness comes out full force in always trying to beat his best. probably playing a side game against himself in which he’s mentally tally points for how accurately he predicts a next move or card or whatever

this means most of the time alhaitham tries to bait tighnari into being competitive before bowing out and letting kaveh and tighnari have at it. tries bc tighnari absolutely knows whats up and half the time the competitiveness instead manifests as refusing to be baited instead (alhaitham is amused either way, as is cyno even if he does his best to appear Tired and Done with the shenanigans)

tighnari and alhaitham both count cards. they all do/can to an extent, but more so tighnari and alhaitham, alhaitham for the heck of it / just bc he can and finds it amusing in his game with himself, tighnari at his most competitive as a tool to fully be used

[mysticscorpia]

There's one thing about autism and it's relationship with the world that makes me hopeful, for myself, and for others.

I had someone today ask me if I was deaf, due to my inability to follow the conversation. I didn't realise how much it felt perculiar, how unwittingly sad, until I processed it later in the day. But I replied at the time, "No, I have a sensory processing delay." (in the heat of the moment I forgot to say autistic, but I believe that this person knows I am).

I come from a background that allowed me to be given the chance to be diagnosed as early as 11 years old, and as a female, that in itself is rare. (this is due to my older brother and my mother's unyielding support in finding a diagnosis for me too).

But this has not allowed me to be always proud of my autism, or even enough to say that I am 100% unashamed of it.

But what I will say, and continue to, is that I have it. That I can go in a crowd of twenty people, and be able to announce it as a fun fact, and be able to sit there, sometimes with fear but know I've done the right thing. That I've done it, and it comes easier every time I allow myself to. You don't stop caring - but sometimes just admitting this fact, helps you feel valid. Your existence doesn't mean nothing.

That you are who you are, for better or for worse, and people have the ability to decide right then and there, whether they like you for your honesty, or decide if you're not for them.

And that itself, is freeing. As long as I am there, verbal, I am taking one step each time to broadcast how autism can appear, how it is, and some people will never know. No matter how many times, or ways, they just won't. And a lot of that is ignorance. And part of me pitties this person, who just doesn't understand autism. But despite the rest of the emotions and fears in Pandora's box, all the bad things that exist in this world, I have the remaining hope that if I take this one small step, one day, the world will be a better place for my brothers, sisters on the spectrum.

[a-lonely-tatertot]

Goodnight tfc's ugly as sin starter base. Goodnight tfc's ugly as sin mine. Goodnight season 9. Goodnight TFC.

[pyromaniacblujay]

trying to figure out stuff for tainted laz because i’ve been unhappy with how i intially represented his ’ability’

[gratifyinglies]

someone please try to calm me down im not ok because im definitely not prepared for THAT 💀