#error culpable

[bocadosdefilosofia]

«Hay culpa moral en todos aquéllos que dejan espacio a la conciencia y al arrepentimiento. Son moralmente culpables las personas capaces de expiación, aquéllos que supieron o pudieron saber y que, sin embargo, recorrieron caminos que ahora, en el autoexamen, estiman como un error culpable, tanto si se encubrieron cómodamente lo que sucedía o se adormecieron y se dejaron seducir o comprar para obtener ventajas personales cuanto si obedecieron por miedo.»

Karl Jaspers: El problema de la culpa: Sobre la responsabilidad política de Alemania. Ediciones Paidós, pág. 82. Barcelona, 1998.

TGO

@bocadosdefilosofia

[ritmos-eternos]

Sí, soy culpable de tu actitud; por seguirte el juego en tus caprichos, por no poner un alto a tus exigencias y gustos.

Lo sé, admito mi culpa y me arrepiento.

Sin embargo... te sigo amando.

Papittafritta

[tumbasenalma]

que horrible día

[tonypensador]

EL HIJO NECIO

Los proverbios de Salomón. El hijo sabio alegra al padre, Pero el hijo necio es tristeza de su madre. Proverbios 10:1 Hoy en día muy pocos hijos se preocupan de no ser necios ante los consejos de sus padres, pareciera que el egoísmo ha crecido tanto, que a los hijos ya no les incomoda ver sufrir a sus madres, que no les duele el corazón por hacer sentir mal a sus padres, ni mucho menos sienten…

[strawberrymochin]

A Letter.....Long Lost!

kyojuro rengoku x fem!reader

word count- 12.2k

synopsis- the discovery of an old letter from kyojuro rengoku's room shakes the world of tanjiro. he thought he fulfilled every wish of rengoku. however he missed one. tanjiro needs to deliver it to the one it was written for; but the letter has nothing written except a name 'y/n'. who is y/n and how will tanjiro find her?

genre/warnings- post war timeline/ mentions of death/ slice of life/ angst/ fluff/ lots of flashbacks/ kamaboko trio going on a quest to find reader/ emotionally unavailable parents/ just read it i swear it wont disappoint/ comfort/ scenes of rengoku and mitsuri training/ mentions of mugen train

a/n- i had this idea in my head and i literally wrote this in two days. Loosely based off a film I'm obsessed with...this is my first time writing a long fic. im hella nervous. it will have a sequel with a reincarnation au and smut. not fully proof read, ignore small errors.

Nezuko chimed in as urokodaki made his appearance. Soon more people will join in. Kanao and aoi are helping in the kitchen, making several dishes while inosuke is trying to get aoi give him some to taste.

Tanjiro and zenitsu are spreading out the mats for people to sit and get comfy.

“urokodaki sensei! Please come and join.” tanjiro said noticing his former teacher, carrying a huge basket wrapped in a cloth with water patterns similar to his haori. Nezuko trails behind him bringing another basket.

“i brought some mitarashi dango and some hanami-zake for everyone.” said urokodaki with a soft voice, that made nezuko wonder if he was smiling under his tengu mask.

It's been 2 years since the war ended. People lost their dear ones with a pain bearing smile. Some endured injuries that would sustain through out their life marking them as ‘crippled’; while some sacrificed themselves for the greater good.

Seasons changed since then.

So did several people.

People who turned their hearts into stone, heavy from guilt of their family dying; who suffered from the culpability of being protected…

“giyuu san’s here too, please sit inside with the others while we get the stuff ready.”

“yeah how's your sister? I brought her some new kimonos”

A mild smile forming on his lips.

Tanjiro’s eyes widened a bit. It's kinda still new to him seeing such a soft side of the guy who barely used to smile.

……have let their guard down, allowing themselves to move on, now that there's no more threat hanging in the air.

People who had been afflicted by the remorseful long sleepless nights of trauma; killing the one who once bore them in her womb; whose eyes had become dull and frantic, dying inside in agony…..

“oi tomioka! Move outta my way!” grumbled sanemi, throwing a box wrapped in a delicate green cloth in tanjiro's direction as he catches it with difficulty. Having a hand crippled like an old man is sure a poor thing, not that tanjiro minds that.

“ahh the scary guy's here again! Don't touch the box tanjiro. It must've been poisoned!!!” shouted zenitsu, panicking around, hiding himself behind tanjiro.

“What did you just say?” Sanemi’s eyes narrowed at zenitsu, veins becoming more prominent, ready to throw a first at the blonde head's face.

“Goddamn shinazugawa! Don't scare the kid…” said giyu, grabbing his wrist and pulling him inside. “Wh-you’re such a creep tomioka!”

“Kk.”

“Stop giving me that kanroji face!” sanemi said as shivers ran down his spine. Somehow a smiling tomioka was scarier than muzan to him.

…have let go of their distraught, accepting the dreams which they wanted for their loved ones. Fulfilling it in their place.

“Both of them are creeps!” Zenitsu said digging his nails into tanjiro's skin as he spit curses on them. “Zenitsu they are gone now, can you please give this box to kanao san, it smells of fresh ohagi.”

“I'm telling you…it's fuckin poisoned”

“It's not, zenitsu…don't be like that” tanjiro pushed him away with the box. He then took up a broom and started sweeping any other leaves that fell down from the trees.

Pink flowers blossomed everywhere, now that another peaceful season had arrived.

Kanao had suggested nezuko and aoi that they should spend time together this hanami festival. Nezuko and aoi agreed to that instantly. Thus this is how they ended up inviting everyone at tanjiro's, whose house was surrounded by a lots of cherry blossoms.

Kiyo chan naho chan and sumi chan were playing with tengen’s baby as Suma kept pestering urokodaki san for loosening his face mask (I can't blame my lil curious mommy). Makio was sure annoyed at her behavior while hinatsuru just chuckled. Murata sat stiff in the presence of four former hashiras.

Almost all of them had arrived. Except the rengokus.

Aoi brought them some appetizers, as they kept on chatting. After decorating the food all of them would join outside admiring the moment of bliss.

“Senjuro Kun and shinjuro san ain't here yet right?” Asked tengen.

“They haven't made their arrival yet” announced aoi, “however tanjiro san is waiting outside for them, the food is almost done, we can start after they get here”

“HAHAHAHA…. RUSHING IN LIKE A BOAR!!!” inosuke dashed in with a sakura onigiri in his mouth, from the kitchen. “WAhahhh scar guy!! Fight me!” As expected from inosuke, nothing could ever stop him. At first he was a bit spooked seeing a lot of people at once and sticked to aoi till his normal composure returned.

“Still that dumb boar head! Will he ever get mature?” Sanemi grumbled lazily. “I agree” said giyu, smiling at sanemi, which almost made his stomach churn. Tengen bursted out in laughter, “I see you are still in spirit huh? Quite flamboyant of you.”

“YEAH THE GOD OF MOUNTAINS INOSUKE SAMA IS ALWAY—” Aoi smacked him on his head and dragged him away while muttering some apologies to the hashiras.

“He's still much of energy…and his voice has become much hoarse ain't it? I still remember taking those kids on that mission. And this kid in particular was such a ruckus.” Said tengen, stretching his arms.

“Isn't it good to see all of us after so long without having to fear losing someone?” Said hinatsuru, makio and Suma smiled at each other.

“But we had already lost many people.” Sanemi sighed. He wished he could apologize to genya. If life ever gives him another chance he would like to be a little less aggressive.

“If you keep sulking like that, your brother will definitely curse you from heaven.” giyu took a gulp of the matcha tea, sanemi sent at tanjiro's a month ago.

“Now that there are no demons, you two get along with each other quite well don't you think so?” Tengen threw the snarky question at them.

“what the—”

“I wish rengoku could have seen you guys like this…remember the one time himejima san told us that oyakata sama wanted to see giyu smile….”

“See me smile?”

“Yeah, what a waste of time i swear.”

“Rengoku disappeared for a while to buy glasses in order to make giyu smile.” laughed tengen.

“It didn't work though and then kochou emotionally blackmail me to make him laugh.”

“Oh so this is why you wanted to have sake daikon with me?” Giyu smiled again at sanemi.

“I swear if you make that kanroji face again at me, I will kick you on your balls.”

“Everyone food’s ready, let's go and sit outside!!” Said nezuko halting the heated nostalgic conversation of the two.

Murata finally lets himself relax a bit as the hashiras start moving out. Urokodaki slammed a hand at his back, as he felt his stiff posture return. “Don't be so stiff we aren't gonna ask you to duel.” murata’s cheeks reddened in embarrassment as urokodaki laughed off at the kid's nervousness.

These days are indeed peaceful.

Senjuro made his appearance a bit late. He apologized for his fathers absence, blaming on his health. It's not been that best for a few days.

“Oh goodness, is he really going to be fine, we can go run a check up on him you know?” Kanao offered an idea, worried about the shinjuro’s health.

“Thanks a lot. Actually there's something that has been troubling us for a while.”

“Is everything okay?” Tanjiro's asked with concern lacing his eyes. Sanemi noticed, he had always been kind. He was kind to his brother. During hashira training when tanjiro stepped over the line, it actually made sanemi kinda happy and relaxed. Atleast genya had someone in life he could rely on.

Shinjuro's put down his bowl and chopstick on the mats as he brought his hand to his knees.

“There's something we found a month ago….while cleaning aniki’s room.”

Not only tanjiro but tengen, giyu, sanemi, zenitsu and inosuke froze for a second. The untimely death of the young guy was such a sad event that has ached their hearts for a long time.

Tanjiro could smell senjuro’s emotions and it was odd. It wasn't sadness, or guilt, or anger. It was pity. And somehow it stinged tanjiro, the same way it did years ago.

Senjuro took out some bunch of old papers from the sleeves of his yukata.

Tanjiro's throat felt dry and uneasy. It were a bunch of letters.

All of them looked like they were forgotten for months. The letter envelopes had stained yellow and some even have their edges teared off. But it sure emitted a strong smell. The smell of kyojuro rengoku. Tanjiro's still remembers the distinct hints of his aura. And it somehow still lingered around these letters. Especially the one which was sealed.

“What is it?” asked aoi, finally breaking the deafening silence. A strong gust of wind blew the pink petals along with the letters from senjuro's hand. It's scattered around the mats as all of them tried to collect them.

“Y….y/n?” read nezuko aloud. She hold the sealed letter in her hand as tanjiro extended his palm to grab it. It had tear stains. One side of it had brush marks written ‘to y/n’. The ink has now blurred a bit. But it was still readable.

“What's the meaning of all this?” Tengen asked, grabbing one of the opened letters in his hand. Giyu had hold of one reading in pure shock, while sanemi pondered from the side. Eyes as shocked as giyu’s.

“What happened tengen-sama?” asked makio, seeing all of their disturbed expressions. Zenitsu tried to snatch away the papers from inosuke who was trying to eat it.

“We found these letters from aniki’s room. A lady named y/n had sent those letters to him. An—?”

“And that lady was his lover?” asked giyu.

“What nonsense!”

“He never mentioned any of that to me.” frowned tengen.

“Nor did aniki said anything about it at home. At that time our father didn't pay us any attention. He was drowned totally in despair from the death of our mother. Seeing us only infuriated his anger and sorrow. Aniki would train or be at missions and he was rarely at home. He never told me anything about that….”

‘A letter?’ thought tanjiro. He started sweating all of a sudden. He thought he fulfilled all his wishes but—

“Rengoku san! Please think about yourself, can you stop the bleeding with your breathing technique?” Tanjiro has muttered those words back then, panickingly, devastatingly.

He wanted rengoku to say yes. He wanted him to live beside him, fight beside him, eat beside him. But he didn't get that as an answer.

“No, very soon i'll be dead. Before that happens, i need you to hear me out. I have a younger brother named senjuro. Please tell him to follow his heart. And walk down the path he feels is right.” Rengoku’s face had the same content smile, which warmed their hearts up. He continued, “And tell my father to look after himself…and lastly…”

Rengoku went on and expressed his views on nezuko. It felt like a warm hug. Someone has accepted nezuko. Not because they pitied her but since they saw her true potential and that she was no harm to humans. And now when he remembers it clearly, there was something rengoku whispered before his heart stopped pumping.

It was a faint whisper. So subtle that tanjiro thought it was his ears ringing. But now that he recalls, after he said he trusted them as a slayers, he whispered a few words

“and the lette—”

Rengoku stopped mid sentence as tanjiro kept weeping. He wasn't looking at tanjiro but something behind him. It made him smile as he took his last breath.

“Oni-chan? What happened? Are you okay?” Nezuko pulled tanjiro out of his daze. Everyone was looking at him worriedly. Even sanemi was worried.

“I've not fulfilled rengoku san’s last wishes. I- i haven't. I haven't delivered…how can I be so dumb!!”

“What? Tanjiro san! Calm down! You told us everything aniki wanted to say to us.” Senjuro tried to comfort tanjiro.

“No…before dying he whispered something. I thought my ears were ringing but he did whispered something. It was about a letter.” tanjiro kept on babbling as everyone felt dead silent even senjuro couldn't move his hands.

The sealed letter stayed in tanjiro's hands.

Something that belonged to the girl named y/n.

Something probably dear to kyojuro rengoku.

Some words which were waiting since 3 years.

But…..who is y/n?

The rest of hanami festival gathering went by silent. Senjuro entrusted the letter to tanjiro as per as his request before leaving early since he need to be home before sunset to check upon his father. Murata and urokodaki san accompanied him on the way.

“That's completely ridiculous. None of us have any idea who the fuck this y/n is? how are the fuck are you even planning to find her?” Sanemi spit out bitter words at tanjiro, sitting on the porch, watching the sun slowly turn a deep shade of orange. It reminded him of rengoku’s odd hair colour. It's funny how not only he, but his tsugoku also had weird hair colour— a colour which was dear to Iguro obanai.

Tanjiro lowered his head, smiling a bit. Sanemi changed a lot, even if he speaks harshly, he can only smell pure concern. “But I can't start a new life without paying my debts. Rengoku san saved my life. Whoever lady y/n is….I need to deliver this letter to her.”

“I get what you're saying…but there's no address in any part of the letter. Moreover you are being hesitant on opening it. How do you think you will find her then?” Tengen spoke from the back, alerting the former wind hashira and tanjiro. Both wondered how long he's been eavesdropping them. They expect nothing less. He was a hashira and before that he was a ninja. Even after losing one arm and one eye, he still holds the same power.

“Honestly, I've no idea. But I just can't sit and let it slide.” said tanjiro.

“you’re getting married to kanao next year. Better focus on that. Don't get into useless troubles hanging her off.” sanemi said lazily, yawning and getting up to his feet, stretching a bit. “I will be leaving then. Take care.” Tanjiro didn't reply to him.

Tengen shared a look with sanemi. His eyes shooting a mischievous look filled with pride. Tengen has been in a mission with tanjiro and he knows how stubborn he can be. He knows how pure of a heart he had. And how he even had empathy for demons. He knows sanemi have to surrender infront of him.

Annoyed, sanemi rolled his eyes, “if you're that insistent on finding the girl, then why not refer to kasugai crows. Rengoku's crow might know something about the girl.” He suggested as tengen was in literal awe. He never thought sanemi could ever think logically with his brain. Tanjiro’s head perked up in joy at his idea. Now he finally has a path to look up. Sanemi felt awkward and took his leave, avoiding to look in their eyes.

“Ah! Shinazugawa san! Thanks for the idea!!”

“That brat finally seems to work a bit humane ain't he ?!” A deep laugh bubbled up tengen’s throat.

“I’m happy that he has softened a little now that demons have perished. However, about rengoku san’s kasugai crow, do you know where do I get in contact with it?”

“About that, i would recommend writting letter to kiriya sama. I'm sure he would know.” Tengen patted his head with a reassuring smile.

Soon he took his leave with his wives and giyu, since they were going to an onsen. Basically makio Suma and hinatsuru dragged him along forcefully. Giyu looked a bit tired but he was happy.

Things changed and improved rapidly in a short time. Zenitsu and nezuko got married last year. Murata also got engaged. Tanjiro couldn't help but wonder if the lady named y/n had moved on or not? Will rengoku san be happy if she found someone else? Will he be sad? He looked at nezuko smiling at zenitsu as he played with kiyo, naho and sumi. He looked at inosuke giving his shiniest acorns to aoi. He looked at kanao, smiling delicately, just like shinobu did.

He was happy.

But was the lady named y/n happy in her life?

Kanao looked at him and smiled. She came near him and took his wrinkled hand in hers. “Tanjiro san, you know I would really like you to deliver this letter to y/n san before we start a new life.”

“Even if it takes time?”

“Even if it does. I will wait for you for an eternity.” Tanjiro chuckled as red tints his cheeks. How pure kanao’s heart is? How did he get so lucky to have her in his life? God knows.

“Then I will write a letter to kiriya.”

After a few days, a letter arrived from ubuyashiki's. Along with that two kasugai crows were found circling over the house. Among them one belonged to tanjiro, when he was a demon slayer— tennoji.

The other was the one who accompanied rengoku till his last breath. Kiriya felt sad for rengoku and wrote his kind regards to tanjiro sending the crow to him. His name was kaname.

The crow looked pretty much normal and wasn't as hot -tempered as tennoji.

This was the first time tanjiro had seen him. “Hello, kaname san. Sorry for summoning you all of a sudden. But I wanted to ask you something…” the crow didn't reply, but tilted his head at tanjiro.

“I-ahh- do you know anything about a lady named y/n?”

The crow remained quite for a while, as if reminiscing the days which followed great sorrow. “Master's…y/n sama…master's lover…letters…”

His words were what tanjiro was expecting. Tanjiro finally saw a path clear.

“Can you tell me where she lives?” Asked tanjiro hopefully.

The crow shaked his head,“i don't know.”

Slightly disappointed, tanjiro started asking how she looked. The crow wasn't exactly able to describe her. Accepting his defeat, he asked the crow where he saw her for the first time. Maybe if he goes there, he will be able to find her.

“tokyo…capital…mission..”

the crow wasn't that helpful, they only got to know two things.

First- whoever this y/n is, she was rengoku's lover.

Second- rengoku's crow saw her in tokyo, the capital.

This indicates maybe rengoku and the people who went to the mission in tokyo as said by the crow, if alive, they might know something about it. Tanjiro wrote updates to the others.

A few days later, giyu’s letter came along with some sweets. In that he wrote that rengoku went to tokyo for a battle with lower moon 2 back then. Oyakata sama had assigned him to that mission, before he was a hashira. There were a bunch of people accompanying him, one of them being kanroji mitsuri.

Oh! Mitsuri kanroji was his tsugoku, tanjiro almost forgot about that, he got excited to ask her when reality struck him down. She died after the war. Even if she knew y/n tanjiro couldn't ask her.

He continued reading the letter from giyu as the path which formed in his mind started getting blurry.

Upon hearing from tanjiro, kanao dropped by at the kamado’s. She said she might have one way to get to know about y/n. Tanjiro's eyes perked up at kanao’s remark, which almost made kanao’s heart jolt since he was so cute.

Kanao explained, when shinobu was alive, she had once told her that mitsuri was close to a kakushi couple. She further said that mitsuri used to write letters to them about her missions on a regular basis. Those two even came to congratulate her when she was promoted to hashira. She said it was nice to see that a girl around her age so lively.

Tanjiro wrote a letter to kiriya again. And next week when tanjiro went out with inosuke to sell some charcoal in the city, a couple came to visit them.

Nezuko welcomed them, while zenitsu narrowed his eyes on them, especially upon the male.

When tanjiro returned home he was delighted to find the kakushi couple still waiting for him. They didn't hide their faces anymore. Dressed normally as regular citizens. Honestly they were pretty young, and tanjiro admired how they served the corps group keeping them intact.

“I'm so glad you both came.” Tanjiro bowed infront of them in gratitude.

“Oh no, that's completely fine. We are happy to be of any help. Oyakata sama said you wanted to know about mitsuri.” said the woman.

“Ahh not exactly about her, but for instance, do you have any idea if she ever mentioned a name called ‘y/n’?” tanjiro said pulling inosuke back beside him as he kept munching on the snacks for the guests. The guy gave him a creeped stare as he focused back on tanjiro's words.

“y/n? No I don't think so….she ever mentioned that name. Did she tanaka san?” The woman said.

Tanjiro felt anxious as the guy named tanaka tilted his head to think a bit.

“Nope I don't think she did.”, he clarified.

“Oh….” Tanjiro's voice was barely a whisper, that even inosuke sat straight checking if he's alright.

“Is there something else we can do, tanjiro kun? You look upset.”

“No no…it's fine. I was just trying to deliver a letter to rengoku san's love—”

“Rengoku san? Kanroji san’s master ain't it?” Tanaka spoke before tanjiro could finish his sentence.

“Yeah.”

“Oh my god? The one whom rengoku san loves was y/n?”

“You guys know her?” Hope shined bright in tanjiro's eyes. So did a fervent fear. Fear of disappointment. Fear of not being able to pay his debts. Fear of not fulfilling rengoku san's last wish.

“We didn't know about her name but kanroji san used to tell us about her…isn't it shimi san?” The guy turned to his wife with a fuzzy smile on his face.

“Yeah, she seemed so happy, wanting to have a love like them.” Said the wife.

And for the first time till now tanjiro wasn't let down. “Really? Did she lived in tokyo? Rengoku san's crow said he saw her for the first time during a mission.”

“A mission? No.” The wife let out a chuckle, “it started way before that. Kanroji san said….. ”

“Ahh! Master! Can we please have a break! I'm tired from hitting the sword, my limbs are sore.” Mitsuri cried barely holding another strike from her master.

“Haha you got tired this fast, we haven't even started.” the blazing hair resembling fire, moved swiftly as the guy attempted another strike on mitsuri, but thanks to a call outside, he stopped midway.

“Wait a bit, I will be back in a while.” Said kyojuro rengoku, her master. ‘i will be happy if you don't come back for a while.’ she thought as she collapsed on her knees, to exhausted to move.

“Ahh senjuro kun! Bring me some snacks please!!!” She shouted hoping for the little kid to hear.

A bit later, rengoku comes back. Senjuro looked at his elder brother, frowning while holding a letter. Mitsuri sat beside senjuro, who brought her some onigiris.

“What's that master?” She asked, stuffing another onigiri in her mouth.

“Even I'm confused. It's a letter but it wasn't delivered by a kasugai crow but by a postman.”

“Huh? Maybe it's from some neighbour wanting to lower your voice while eating.” Senjuro said shrugged off his shoulders as mitsuri suppress her laugh bubbling on her throat, almost choking on rice. It wasn't an irregular thing that neighbors anonymously complained about kyojuro shouting ‘umai’ every time he ate.

“Open it.” Said senjuro, curious what type of sarcastic words they might have chosen now.

Kyojuro did as his little brother requested. However kyojuro didn't reacted after reading the letter.

“Today's practice is over. You can relax.” He, then ordered senjuro to boil him some bathwater, shooing him away.

Senjuro obeyed his brother, while mitsuri felt kinda odd, yet she was happy to have a day off.

As soon as both of them left the backyard, rengoku blushed like crazy. The letter was still in his hand as he tried to digest the words.

“A love lett—” a big palm shut mitsuri’s mouth, preventing her from shouting. Yet she was squealing. “I thought you left! You've gotten quite quick in sly footing didn't ya? I'm impressed.” He finally removed his hand from mitsuri's mouth.

“Ofcourse you made me practice for 23 hours without sleep. Anyways, what's written in that?”

“Do you want me to make you practice for 2 days straight?”

“Naah I'm fine! But master, I'm happy.”

“Okay.”

“And curious too. Please let me read it.”

“No!”

After shooing mitsuri out of the backyard he tucked the letter in his sleeves. This letter was sure weird.

“Rengoku san thought that she didn't read the letter, but she had a strong memory and could remember each word after seeing it once. She was so excited telling us about that.” said the wife, looking outside the window at the moon.

The flame of the lantern flickered a bit. “So that might mean that the letter should be among those papers…”

“Woah zenitsu! I thought you were asleep?!”

“How am I supposed to sleep if you're talking that loudly idiot!”

Yeah the paper. There were a lot of papers. Some were smudged and unreadable, so they didn't read all of them. Tanjiro went over their cupboard and brought the bunch of papers.

“Can you identify the letter among them?” He asked the guy to inspect. The couple looked at each other. “Maybe we can try but the writings aren't clear.”

“Please if you can. I need to deliver that letter.” tanjiro bowed his head down begging to the couple.

“You're a nice kid, Tanjiro kun. We will surely help you.”

It's been more than twenty minutes since they are reading each and every paper. Inosuke got bored and slept on the tatami mats. Nezuko was already asleep so they didn't wanted to bother her.

“Yeah maybe this one. From what Kanroji san had explained, this seems to be the one.” The guy tanaka handed the delicate piece of paper to tanjiro.

“However, in each of these letters, she referred herself as his wife…I didn't know he was married…?”

“Huh?” Tanjiro frowned upon the man's words. ‘what?’ he checked the letters again. And the guy was right, y/n did refer herself as his wife. They didn't read the papers as carefully since they were long, they just assumed she was his lover. But rengoku san wasn't the one to hide such crucial information.

Tanjiro was confused, they were so focused on finding the address of y/n that they ignored reading the letters, which could provide information about her.

Tanjiro spent the entire night reading each word carefully. Fingers running across elegant handwriting and smudged ink. As he kept reading those with a pain in his heart. There were in total 7 of those letters, which were written to rengoku. And the one which tanjiro kept seemingly in care— the sealed one; one which has a strong smell of rengoku’s aura; one with tear stains.

The couple spent the night in their house and left the next morning after breakfast.

This helped but not that much. However the path had become clearer.

He knew that the girl was from a nice family who had hands in education from the curves in each characters of her words.

Second, she had mentioned that he had saved her and her friends from a fire, in yokaichi.

“I'm leaving for yokaichi.” Said tanjiro during breakfast.

“Eh? Oni- chan?”

“Don't worry nezuko, oni-chan will be back soon.”

“I will also go!” Said inosuke, “inosuke-sama will protect kamaboko gonpachiro, his minon from any harm.”

Tanjiro chuckled at how inosuke shows his care for him, “fine then.”

“Zenitsu san you also go with them…”

“Ehh, but nezuko chan won't you be lonely without me? I know you will be lonely without m—”

“I won't. You guys will be back soon. Till then I will be at butterfly mansion.”

“B-but nezuko channn!!!!” Inosuke dragged him away as nezuko watched the poor soul. She felt bad but she wanted him to be with her brother. She just felt that the three of them should go together.

The three of them finally reached yokaichi town. It was small but quite dense in population. Tanjiro felt that this was an advantage for them since they stories and folks might spread fast in a vast social surroundings.

“Inosuke, zenitsu let's ask the older citizens first, since they might be living here for a while, they must have known about any fire incidents.”

“I was about to say the same thing as you.” Snorted the board masked guy rushing off in the east direction. Zenitsu simply nodded and went in the opposite direction, sulking. He has been giving tanjiro silent treatment since he had to leave nezuko alone.

Tanjiro sighed as he started finding old citizens nearby asking about a fire incident.

After asking a few of them, he sighed, it didn't really do any help, since many weren't able to hear and some weren't able to remember. When he asked the youngsters, they ran away seeing his old crippled hand.

Tanjiro, let down, returned to the spot where they had started searching. Inosuke was already there tapping his feet as he was waiting for the others.

“Did you find anything?” Asked tanjiro.

“Nahh! They were mere cowards. Running way from me. Though I liked it! Everyone should fear the great inosuke sama.” As expected from inosuke, zenitsu was yet to return. Both of them decided to wait till he comes back.

After a while, zenitsu came back. His sulking still hasn't tailed off. “Ahh zenitsu! Did you find anything? You took so long!!”

Zenitsu didn't reply.

He stared at him with dead eyes.

Oh god! Zenitsu’s moody phases are the worst, especially if it's an urgent task. The whining and sulking from a few years ago flashed in front of tanjiro’s eyes.

“You turned mute or what?” said inosuke, already having enough of zenitsu’s tantrums.

But the only reply that came from the blonde was an eye roll. Inosuke got pissed, ready to throw hands at him if not stopped by tanjiro.

“Zenitsu, I will get nezuko chan make sweet washagis for you when we get back home.”

“Really!! You better do that. I can't even explain how much I've missed my dear wife nezuko chan. She must be so lonely without me.” Babbled zenitsu, finally speaking for the first time till they left home.

“She won't.”

“Stop making snarky comments you stupid boar head. What do you even know about pure love between me and nezuko chan?!!!”

“Ahh zenitsu! Did you get to know anything?”

Zenitsu considered tanjiro a while, before giving in, “At the very west of this town, there's an inn. People said it almost burned down about four years ago…I looked for its owner but they said he will be back late.”

Tanjiro let out a breath. If that's the case, then the owner might remember the incident clearly. If only he could provide any useful information.

“Btw do you really believe whoever this y/n is…she's still alive?” Zenitsu scratched the back of his neck, shooing away the mosquitos ready to feed upon his blood. It's been long three of them are waiting in front of the inn for its owner to arrive.

“Let's just not lose hope.” The inn did looked like it suffered severe consequences from whatever happened 4 years ago. Most of it has been repaired but the aura and the smell can still be recognised. There are still some wooden planks with burn marks which are yet to be repaired.

“May I ask who you three are?”

A chilly voice turned their attention. There stood a thin, frail boy, barely an adult. His eyes were small with hair falling down on his brows. He speculated about them with a suspicious look in his eyes(especially on the boat masked guy). Was he the owner? He looked too young for that.

“Ahh good evening! I'm tan—”

“If you're wanting to stay the night, go somewhere else, I'm not opening the inn today.” He replied coldly before tanjiro could even introduce himself.

“Ahh no, you're misunderstanding…. actually we are here to ask you something about the incident four years ago…”

The look on the boy’s face changed from suspicion to disgust.

“Well…I don't wanna talk about it. You guys can leave.”

“No please, at least hear our questions. It's really important.”

“As if I care.”

“Hey fucker! If you don't answer I'll break each and every bone in your body.”

“Stop it inosuke!” This isn't going any better. It's almost night, they also need to find a place to stay.

“tanjiro can you move aside a bit” said zenitsu, without waiting for his reply, he went to the kid. Apparently he whispered something in his ears which seemed to have creeped the guy out.

Tanjiro gulped. He must be desperate to go home and see nezuko. Sometimes he forgets that their coward friend can be hell scary when it comes to nezuko.

“Okay. He's ready to spill anything he knows.” The look on the kids face made it clear he didn't wanted to recall anything about that incident. However tanjiro had no choice but to push him off the edge.

“Hey I'm sorry if we're causing you any trouble, but you know we really need to know anything you know about a girl named y/n.”

“Y/n?”

“Yeah. Heard it before?”

“No. There were none with this name.”

“Eh? Can you try to recall. There must be someone. A girl who was saved by rengoku san. A guy whose hair was similar to fire.”

“Kyojuro rengoku you mean? He pretty much saved everyone. The inn you see here, is small. Before the incident also it was small and not that popular. Only a few people stayed here occasionally. So I can be sure there was no one named y/n.”

An ‘oh’ is just what tanjiro could manage. The boy got inside the house behind the inn. The night fell and they were still in the same position as before.

Inosuke was throwing tantrums in hunger, so they decided to go to an udon shop nearby. Perhaps they should not lose hope. Thinking empty stomach is not always the best option. This they were sitting in the shop waiting for their order to come.

“But she did mention in those letters that she was saved by him. How come the owner doesn't know anything about that?”

“I already told you we should have broken his bones, monjiro.”

“I think it's useless, let's just go back home to my nezuko chan.”

“Zenitsu! What if you were in place of rengoku san? Would you be happy if your last words don't reach nezuko?” zenitsu went silent at that.

They stayed silent till three bowls of hot udon were placed infront of them. Tanjiro and zenitsu thanked the server for the food whereas inosuke just shoved his head into the hot udon bowl. “You guys seem a bit tense, is everything okay? Asked the old man, the owner of the udon restaurant.

“Yeah we're just a bit disappointed.” Said tanjiro. “Haha and why so? Got rejected by a girl? Can't blame her, it's your hand.” The old man pointed at tanjiro's crippled hand. “What happened that's it's such in a bad condition?”

“Oh! It's…from…from a fight.” Tanjiro smiled, it's hard to offend him anyway,“ i already have a fiance and we are getting married soon.”

“Oh my god! Please forgive my mean words then. I wish you both happiness.”

“Thank you.”

“Then why pull a sad face. My udon tastes the best when you eat it with a good mood, ya know?!”

“Haha, I'm sure it will still taste good. Actually we were here wanting to acquire some information about the fire incident 4 years ago.”

“Oh that was such a bad one. If there wasn't that guy everyone would have lost their life…”

“Rengoku san? You mean?” Tanjiro's eyes perked up. “I see, you know kyojuro. Yeah, that boy was a regular in my shop. Although it's been more than three years since he last visited, i wonder how he's doing? Tell him to visit once, the old man misses him.” the man bursted in laughter while the three of them couldn't even managed to smile even once.

How are they even supposed to tell him, tell him that, “rengoku san died three years ago while saving us from…” zenitsu's voice trailed down into nothingness. So did the old man's. They didn't knew if he's aware about demons so they didn't exaggerated it anymore.

No one spoke for a while.

“I see. What did you guys want to know then? I'm sure you were close to him if he gave up on his life for you all…”

“do you know anyone named y/n? I need to deliver this letter to her.” tanjiro took out the yellow stained letter and handed it to the old man, who squinted his eyes on the writings, drawing a wrinkled finger tracing it's shapes.

“Y…y/n…..yeah she asked me to send some letters to his residence. The kid was young and beautiful.” he returned the letter back to tanjiro.

“She did?!”

“Yeah…that kid almost begged me to not tell kyojuro anything about that.”

The three of them looked at each other. “Can you tell us more about her?” “Do you know where she lives?” “Can I get a refill?” The three of them threw questions at the old man's face, whose lips creaked a bit. “Hmm, I don't know where she lives but I can tell you about her.” He said taking inosuke’s bowl to the counter for another refill.

The restaurant was almost empty so they went and sat on the round seats opposite of the counter.

“It was about four years ago when she appeared in my shop after kyojuro left….”

“umm excuse me…” you said

“Yeah young lady, what would you prefer?” asked the owner pointing at the chart hung on the wall which displayed all the items on the menu.

“I will take a hot tempura udon please.” said the girl beside you.

“And you miss?” The owner directed the question towards you. “Umm I will take anything you prefer.” “Ehh is that so? Fine, I'll make you the tastiest bowl of my special udon.”

“Just tell already…!” The girl beside you whispered into your ear, which was audible to the owner, he chuckled a bit. “Can you shut up….!!”

“I will if you say it…!”

“Okay fine!”

“Umm…if you don't mind, is there any way you can ask the address of the man who just left a while ago?” you asked hesitantly, fiddling with your fingers.

“Kyojuro you mean? I already know his residence, he made me deliver udon to his place before.” the owner said trying to keep his composure, young kids are just so bold nowadays.

“Is that so?” your eyes shined dreamily.

“Why harbored a crush on the man you saw a few mins ago? Hahaha!!” you felt blood rush to your cheeks as you couldn't find words to answer his question.

“She wants to thank him for saving her.” said the girl beside you. “Atsuko!” Atsuko just gave a smirk, ignoring how she threw you in such humiliation.

“Ah…if you don't mind then can you please deliver this letter to him anonymously. Don't tell him I asked you to send it. Please…I can pay you for that..”

“I don't need any payment. I will do that. You can just come and enjoy my special udon sometimes.” the owner accepted the letter from your hands, tucking it in his sleeves. “And maybe watch that man you talked about…he comes here around weekends.” The man hinted you the place which kyojuro normal has his lunch. And if you weren't blushing any harder, you felt your entire face burn with embarrassment. But you want to do it anyway.

Atsuko giggled beside you excited to see what happens next.

“So you delivered the letters in her stead?” asked zenitsu.

“Yeah…she kept coming back with letters for a good six months, if i remember correctly. Maybe kyojuro replied to them…”

It fell silent for a while. The only sound echoing was of inosuke slurping on the noodles.

“So, while you delivered letters rengoku san didn't knew her?” The guy with red eyes pointed the question at the owner.

“No i don't think so, she never came when he used to visit, that is, the weekends.”

“Can you tell us what was the name of her friend again?”

“Atsuko…if I remember correctly..”

“Can you describe how she looked?”

“Ehh? I can't really remember people's faces clearly, but she was very beautiful, big eyes with a nice soft skin. Her hair was long and dark. She had a soft voice. She looked like she belonged from a privileged family. So did her friend.”

“Oh is there anything specific you remember about her?”

“Hmm…let me think…if I'm not wrong rengoku once mentioned her name to a boy who tagged along with him. If you go to him i believe he could provide you some answers.”

“Really? Who was he?”

“His name was….daisuke I guess. He used to wear a similar black sort of uniform like kyojuro.”

After finishing their meal, tanjiro payed for everyone and thanked the old man for all that information. They went to a nearby inn and spent the night.

Tanjiro wrote some letters updating each one of their current status. And he sent a crow to kiriya requesting him to take a look if there's any former slayer named Daisuke and used to frequent his missions with rengoku.

The next day around afternoon, tennoji returned from ubuyashiki's. He said there was indeed a slayer named Daisuke. He had suffered severe injuries from the war and now lives in his village.

As directed by tennoji, tanjiro's crow, they went to the south east from their current position. After two days and one night of sleeping in the jungle without the fear of demons, a village appeared. It wasn't that populated. After asking a few kids, they showed the path which led to Daisuke’s hut.

“Umm excuse me? Daisuke san?”

“Yes, wh— ta…tanjiro….aren't you tanjiro?” the guy said, he was blind from one eye similar to tanjiro, with a missing arm and a limp leg. Tanjiro felt sorry for him.

“Yes, they are inosuke and zenitsu. Sorry for being a bother….”

“Oh no please come inside. I will get tea for you…” he said excited.

“Oh, you don't have to. It's fine. Actually we wanted to ask something….”

“Yeah? Please come in. I will surely help you as much as possible.”

They entered the hut and sat on the tatami mats. Even after pleading not to bring any snacks, Daisuke brought some rice crackers for them.

“Please have them.”

“You didn't have to.”

“Oh it's nothing. Now what did you wanted to ask about?”

“It's about y/n.” Tanjiro said as the rest simply focused on rice crackers. A hint of familiarity glistened in Daisuke's eyes. “Y/n? You mean the one rengoku san was madly in love with?”

Madly in love with? Tanjiro felt a pinch in his heart. Rengoku san must have adored you. The sealed letter had tear stains. Did rengoku cried while writing that?

“Ah…yeah…I need to deliver this letter to y/n but I don't know where she lives. Did rengoku san ever mentioned where she lived?”

“A letter? Why sent a letter when he was so adamant about that?”

“Adamant?”

“Yeah…he said that the pages limited his words to her. He was so desperate wanting to see her that he spent like 2 weeks searching for her without taking rest after his missions.”

“Seriously? So how are you supposed to recover from those injuries?” Daisuke said to his senior with an exasperated expression.

“It will heal when I get to see her face.” Said rengoku, bandaging the cut from a demon's blood arts whom he just killed.

“You're gonna exhaust yourself from build up fatigue.” The sun rays kissed the soil painted in crimson from the shedded blood.

“I will be fine. You go and take rest.”

“I can't believe you're going to find the creepy girl sending you creepy letters claiming herself as your wife.” Daisuke let you a sigh at rengoku's stubborness.

“In that case I gotta meet my wife.” Rengoku's laughter echoed among the vast field.

It still echoed in Daisuke's memories.

“So rengoku wasn't married…?”

“Naah. Honestly I think, after rengoku san’s mother died, he had faced severe neglect from his father. He was the oldest son of the family, so he had to be strong for his sibling. But sometimes we forget, even the strong needs someone to back for them. Even they need some kind words to let go all their tiredness and have a tight sleep. Even they need someone who assured them that they have a bright future…”

That's right. Tanjiro had seen how shinjuro, rengoku san's father, disrespected his sacrifice. He was so lost and depressed in his wife's loss that he forgot about the ones who need the most care— his kids.

Daisuke continued, “when the letter came from y/n, rengoku san must have read comforting words for the first time since that. He used to reread those letters a thousand times when he was free. Sometimes I wondered if he ever got bored doing that…but I knew he didn't. A starved man will eat anything. And I knew he was emotionally starving.”

Zenitsu and inosuke stopped eating rice crackers. Rengoku's death solely hurted them as much as it did to tanjiro, but they never thought it was that deep. That it was something beyond his life as a demon slayer.

Zenitsu could relate. After all he was an orphan. And rengoku was too, being in a situation similar to him, where his only parent was emotionally unavailable for him. He felt sorry for him.

No one dared to say anything. The silence was piercing their hearts like splinters of iron.

“Fun fact was that he did find her,” Daisuke chorted a bit before continuing, “and he literally begged her to marry him…”

Rengoku searched from cabin to cabin in the steam train. In the last letter you mentioned you were going to aomori to visit your relatives by train.

After a bit of negotiation he learned that there was only one train which was going to stop at aomori. This is how he ended up buying tickets at the last moment getting in the train, to find you.

He hasn't seen you before. He wondered how you would look. Even more beautiful and kind than your letters. Even more beautiful than the slight hooks of the curved kanjis you had written his name. Even more beautiful than the blazing sun.

He had checked almost the entire train. The content smile on his face has now thinned into pursed lips. He was nervous. What if he fails to find you? What if he never gets to find you? What if he never gets to see your face?

What if he didn't recognise you?

He flashed all the passengers in his head before lowering his head. None of them carried the same demeanor your letters did. He couldn't imagine any one of them being you.

He entered the last cabin. It was empty. However this cabin seemed a bit different. It had a narrow passage on the right with doors while the opposite side had small rooms. It seemed private. One previously booked by someone.

Rengoku turned back to return to his cabin when the door beside him shot open.

Inside was a girl, who seemed to have frozen for a while.

“Y/n?”

The girl’s eyes widened at the name which left rengoku's lips. She shut the door close, but it didn't closed, something was blocking it. The girl looked down, realizing rengoku had slipped his feet in to prevent her from doing that.

He barged the door open. “Y/n right?”

The girl remained silent for some time.

“I apologize to you with all my might rengoku san. Please forgive my intrusiveness.” you said, lowering your head, nervous at the sudden appearance of him.

“God you're even more beautiful than I thought…” you shoot your head up only to see him looking with such dreamy eyes at you as if you're the only thing he's ever wanted to look at. And it made your stomach churn. Guilt rushed in each of your veins.

“Rengoku san, i shouldn't have wrote those letters to you.” You say. Your friend had warned you before. You didn't listen.

“Why?” He took a step closer.

You gulped before answering,“i wrote nonsense, pretending to be your wife I'm very sorry yo—”

“Then don't pretend anymore.”

“Huh?”

“Be my wife.” Rengoku suggested. His face now inches away from yours.

“And then she ran away?” Said daisuke, barely containing his laugh.

“Yeah…did I do something wrong?” Rengoku said with visible confusion plastered on his face. It was rare to see any expression other than his smiling face.

“Of course she would run away.”

“and why so?”

“Rengoku san, a girl thinks about her future first after marriage. She knows nothing about you.”

“But she wrote me lett—”

“Which you didn't answered….since you thought you couldn't fit your words in papers.” Rengoku couldn't say anything in his defense. It was true rengoku never replied to any of your letters. When he received the first one he thought someone was pranking him. But then the letters came continuously, one each month. He slowly fell in love with those. He fell in love with your letters. And somehow, he fell in love with you.

“Then what do I do?”

“Be honest, tell her about your salary and your job, tel her you can take care of her needs.”

“Yeah? Kk I'm going then…”

Rengoku stood at the aomori station waiting for you to get on the train for your return. Upon spotting you, he called out for you. The train had a delay and he had a good 1 hour to make things clear.

“Eh? R-rengoku san!”

“I work in demon slayer corps. And currently I'm in the highest rank which is kinoe. I get a decent salary of 42,500 yen. I live with my younger brother and father. My mother died a few years ago from illness. I spend my day training, slaying demons and rereading your letters,” guilt rushed through your veins again. “I promise, I will fulfill all your needs and treat you like my queen.”

“rengoku san...”

“sorry i didn't replied to any of those, I just couldn't express myself much in writing. If possible I would like to crawl into a hole. However you don't need to worry. I will make sure that I keep you happy.”

You frowned at his words, unable to explain him. How could you do that to him?

“Y/n san, let's make the words on the letters true. Let's be husband and wife. I know that I work in an organization that isn't approved by governm—”

“Rengoku san, shall we walk while talking? We are blocking the road.” you change the topic, not wanting to talk about it.

“Sure.”

Rengoku continued telling you everything…everything about him. From his childhood till his mother's death. From his father's neglect, to his way up to kinoe, from his sword to the number of demons he slayed. You didn't believe in demons before, but now that rengoku tells you about this, demon folks is something you want to believe. You wanted to believe in everything he said. Even if he's telling the dumbest thing, far from reality, you wanted to believe it.

“Y/n san! Look here!” You turn back to rengoku.

Click.

“And did she said yes?”

“Maybe. He didn't mention her answer. He was so happy that finally he met her.”

“You must have seen her then…can you tell us how she looked?”

“I think I might have a photo of her. Rengoku san, asked to recieve a photo delivery, since he had a mission from the previous oyakata sama.” Daisuke got up limping to the one of the backrooms of his hut. He returned a few minutes later, handling a black and white photo to tanjiro.

Inosuke and zenitsu peeped from the sides to take a look at the long awaited moment, when they finally get to see y/n.

The photo was black and white, but tanjiro felt it was still colorful to rengoku san. In the photo there was a girl, young, with long beautiful hair, in a loose braid. She wore a flower hair ornament, which must have shone in gold back then. She was just how the udon owner described her, big doe eyes, pretty mouth, she looked educated. She was dressed in a floral patterned kimono. Zenitsu wondered what sort of colour the kimono would have been. He wondered if he could get a similar one for nezuko as a souvenir.

The girl was beautiful. Inosuke thought, she had similar smile to shinobu, he wondered if his mom’s smile was like that.

The girl's reflection reflected in several mirrors behind her, and one of the mirror had caught the reflection of the one clicking the photo— kyojuro rengoku.

“The last I heard from rengoku san, he said she wanted to meet him before taking the mugen train mission. He seemed happy, maybe she agreed eventually to marry him….if only he didn't…” Daisuke didn't finished the sentence, considering his surroundings.

They sit in deafening silence for a bit.

A bit later tanjiro thanked Daisuke for the rice crackers and his help. He asked if it were okay to take the photo with him. Daisuke had no problem with that. After bidding farewell they continued their journey, unsure what to do next.

After two days of staying at an inn, cluelessly with no idea how to find y/n, inosuke suggests to go to the station from where they got on mugen train.

“If we go to that lord's land and ask the people over there and show this painting of this long haired girl, then some might recognize her.” He had said.

“First of all that's a train station, second it's a photo. How can you still be the same stupid even after 3 years?” zenitsu cringed hard.

“wha—”

“Inosuke’s right zenitsu, we should go there and ask the people over there.” tanjiro said halting the cat and mouse fight which was about to start between the two.

Daisuke had said rengoku was about to meet her before the mission, which means before getting on the mugen train. Even if it is difficult, some locals must have seen even one glance of her.

The next morning, as per inosuke's idea, three of them left for the station.

“Umm excuse me…” said tanjiro, forwarding the photo in front of the local he stopped on his way, “can you tell me if you've seen this girl?”

The man gave a disgusted look at tanjiro. “no I haven't.”

“Ehh? Are you sure you haven—”

“I don't have time for bullshit.” He went off ignoring tanjiro. Strange. People here are less friendly, some even get irritated if stopped on their way.

It's almost lunch time, zenitsu and inosuke had tried to stop the locals as tanjiro asked them about you. It was clear that this ain't ending soon. Especially when they've got nothing good in hand.

“Let's go buy something to eat.”

“YEAH! I'M HECK HUNGRY!!”

“I saw a kid wearing glasses, selling bentos…let's buy some then…she went in that direction.”

Upon seeing the kid, tanjiro asked her to give them three boxes of bentos. It seemed similar to the ones they had three years ago. The girl was about to leave after receiving her payment, but tanjiro's instinct told him to stop her.

“Wait!” The girl turned back to him as zenitsu and inosuke watched him, confused. Tanjiro put his hand inside the sleeves of yukata, taking out the only photo they had of you.

“Have you ever seen this girl around here?”

The girl squinted her eyes behind the round glass frames,“y/n san! Isn't she y/n san…”

Zenitsu’s eyes popped out, he wondered if tanjiro's a mind reader or something, how can he be so quick?

“Yes! You know her? Can you tell us where she lives?” Tanjiro asked desperately.

“She never mentioned that to us…” the girl said frowning her eyebrows.

“Oh…how did you know her then?”

“Well, a demon slayer who saved us three years ago, requested…”

You waited for kyojuro to come. The sun shone brightly above you. The empty roadway started getting crowdy. You've had enough.

“Y/n san. You wanted to see me?” kyojuro had become a hashira now, and amongst his tight schedule he barely had time for you. It's not like you were disappointed, but still…you and kyojuro often talked through phone booths, after you've suggested that casually one day while strolling with him. Last week when he called you, after what felt like years, you said you wanted to meet him soon. ‘fine meet me at the near hinakawa station, I will be waiting.’ he'd said.

Though it was you, waiting for him to come. You've felt distant from him. And you didn't like it.

“I ran away.” You announced looking in his honey drizzled eyes. Though you aren't sure if it were your overthinking but those eyes seemed a bit dull today.

Kyojuro didn't say anything, maybe confused how to interpret your words.

“my family's against us. And I'm against them. I left the old relations to form a new one. With whom I love. Let's get married.” You said taking his hand in yours.

Kyojuro said nothing but wrapped you in his arms. You hugged him tighter, never wanting to let go. “I'm not alone anymore.” He said before nuzzling his face on the crook of your neck.

Yes. You've always wanted to hear these words from his lips. You've wanted to let him know that he's not alone even when he thinks he is. You wanted him to know that there's someone who will always support him even if he's father thinks he has no talent. This was the reason you wrote him letters in first place. This was the reason you let yourself get tangled in a world far different from yours— in the world of kyojuro rengoku.

He left soon saying he will be back after completing a mission. He said he will send someone to you and asked you to wait for him till then. And you agreed gladly. About half an hour later a girl wearing round steel rimmed glasses along with her grandmother appeared.

“Y/n?” You nodded your head at them. “Rengoku sama asked us to keep you safe till he gets back. If you don't mind then you can come home with us.”

You got to know from the grandmother, how the rengokus had saved their lives two times. You've never seen kyojuro fight, but you knew he was hella strong. Still your heart sinks into your stomach whenever he mentions a mission. You've never encountered demons, once you didn't even believed in them, and now here you are nodding at each of those demon tales of the grandmother.

It didn't mattered anyway as long as he comes back safe. You have to wait for a while for him to comeback….after all you weren't done….you still had an important thing to say.

“Then?”

“Then days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, the slayer never made its return. She left eventually, thanking us. We told her to wait for a while more…but she was too stubborn.” said the girl, fixing her specks again.

Tanjiro couldn't believe what he heard. Rengoku had so many things going on in his life. He had more priorities than him and his friends. Someone who was more important. Someone who left her entire family for him.

Yet.

And yet.

He chose to save them sacrificing himself.

He wondered if the you hate him now.

Zenitsu and inosuke were too stunned to speak. All of them were on the verge of crying. To think…that he couldn't return because of them. To think that they played a role in ruining you happiness. That he died saving them.

“She said she was going to asakusa at her friend’s house, named atsuko.”

Tanjiro bowed at the girl, he couldn't manage thanking her, since he knew if he draws one more breath trying to talk, he would break down right there.

The three of them took a train to asakusa after eating those bentos. They looked similar because rengoku had bought the same boxes from that bento girl 3 years ago.

Inosuke was oddly quiet inside the train. The other two also barely chatted before reaching their destination.

Tanjiro had visited asakusa before and he didn't liked that experience very much. Especially the narrow lanes. This time the city looked more developed than before. And it was more crowdy too. They made their way as the girl has previously informed, that atsuko works as a teacher in a big school for aristocrats.

Coincidentally, tanjiro found the same vendor from his last visit. Back then nezuko wasn't able to savor his ramens since she was a demon. He wished he brought her along. They ordered a steaming bowl of ramen, as the vendor was delighted seeing tanjiro again.

“Where that bamboo girl you carried along with you?”

“She's at home right now.”

“Don't give my wife stupid Nicknames.” ,shouted the blonde at the vendor. Tanjiro apologized in his stead as he kept fuming. “So why are you three here all of a sudden? It's been long ain't it?”

“Yeah we're looking for a girl named y/n. She has a friend who teaches in a big school named atsuko.”

“Y/n never heard that sort of peculiar name…”

“are there any big schools in this area, where aristocrats study?”

“Umm…there are a lot of big schools, you could go and ask at the library. There's only one library here and all the school students or teachers borrow books from there. They must know something about that.”

“Oh really! Thankyou very much.”

Without any further do, the three of them went to the public library after eating.

“Woah this is so big.” Tanjiro said.

“It has so many books shall I borrow some for nezuko chan” zenitsu got lost in his dream world. Inosuke was quite whenever he gets in a new environment with a lots of people, so tanjiro didn't bother checking at him.

However, inosuke tugged on tanjiro's yukata pointing at something with his boar mask tugged on his head. Tanjiro could see his eyes popping out.

“What happened tanji—” zenitsu choked on his spit. Tanjiro’s jaw dropped, his mouth open wide. Inosuke was pointing at a picture hung on the wall. Tanjiro took out the photo hurriedly from his sleeves.

There's no mistake. This was indeed the same girl. Underneath the painting was written ‘princess akiko’ in bold letters carved carefully on metal.

“But isn't her name y/n?” Said zenitsu. What's going on? Before tanjiro could say anything, a woman in her twenties bumped into them while rushing.

The photo slipped out from tanjiro’s fingers.

“I'm so sorr—” the women's words halted as she looked at the photo lying on the ground in front of her. She picked it up before tanjiro could.

“Where did you get this picture from?” She asked as if it were a taboo to have this.

“Ahh you know y/n?”

“Y/n?”

“She looks similar to the girl in that painting” the boy with the boar mask declared.

“For the hundredth time inosuke it's a photo.” said zenitsu.

“She doesn't looks like her. She is her. She is princess akiko. The youngest daughter of the imperial family.”

What?

Three of them couldn't believe their ears. “But her name is y/n…” whispered tanjiro in a low voice.

“Just who are you?” She looked at the picture carefully, as if hiding it from the world, “isn't this rengoku?”

“You know rengoku san?”

“That's the man who saved us from a fire incident in an old town. And then became the main reason of the storms in akiko’s life.”

Tanjiro's eyes widened at the mention of the fire incident ���Are you atsuko?”

The women nodded, surprised they know her name. Tanjiro, then explained the whole matter.

“I see.”

“This isn't right akiko…you shouldn't have continued writing letters to him in first place.” Atsuko said trying to persuade her not to run away.

“I can't. I can't live here. They will never accept him. And I can't live without him.”

“Akiko, try to understand…rengoku loves y/n.”

“And i am y/n!” The sound of the rain pouring down increased.

“You are princess akiko. Y/n is just a fake name, you created to hide your real identity when decided to write him letters. I supported you then since i thought it was a one time thing.” Atsuko shook the girl's shoulders trying to bring her to the path she considered right.

“But I don't wanna be akiko. I wanna be y/n…y/n rengoku.” Tears fell from the eyes in front of her as sobs escaped her lips.

“You're playing with rengoku’s feelings. Even if you run away, how do you intend to tell him the truth? You can't pretend to be y/n your entire life akiko.”

The girl didn't answered atsuko. That day slowly came to an end along with the rain. And Akiko did run away to rengoku, away from her pointless life, being a puppet in her family's hands.

“She returned a month after she ran away. When I asked him about rengoku she said nothing. Soon her brother came and took her away.” Whispered atsuko in a voice so doleful, that it was clear, it hurted.

“Did rengoku san knew she was a princess?” Zenitsu asked.

“He probably didn't. Akiko's family arranged several politicians later to set her up but she caused such a ruckus that her family gave up at last.”

“Do you know where she is now…i need to deliver this letter to her.” Each word tasted like bile to him. He couldn't even imagine how miserable it had been. You literally rejected a crystal palace only to live a normal life with him. Which didn't even come true. How feverishly would it have hurt? How apathetic fate was…

“She lives in osaka, running an orphanage. You would find her there. Shall I get someone two drive you three over there?”

“That will be very thoughtful of you” said tanjiro.

Atsuko arranged a driver, who would drive them to the orphanage, they expect to find you in. The car ride was even more silent than the train one. Inosuke, even, didn't make any fuss seeing a car for the first time.

‘So this is where princess akiko lives.’ thought tanjiro. The building was similar to butterfly mansion, nothing that luxurious but quite spacious. The driver left soon after dropping them.

They crossed several corridors of children buzzing like bees. Laughter echoed among the hallways. How wonderful of a place for someone who lost their parents. Similar to them. They wondered if they would have grown up in this orphanage if they were born here.

Finally they reached to what seemed like an office. Similar to one shinobu used when researching herbs, the one which kanao uses now. They entered with a knock.

“Y/n san?”

Your head perked up at the name, which once your beloved used to refer. That beloved who never came.

Your heart ached a bit expecting kyojuro. A melancholic smile forms on your face seeing three kids infront of you. Of Course it wasn't him.

“yes?” you said gently, trying not to give in to your emotions.

But tanjiro could smell it. He smelled the intense grief bubbling within you. He could imagine how long you've bottled up your emotions.

Without saying much, he took the letter out of his sleeve placing it on your desk.

“It's been waiting for 3 years.”

“Huh?”

“Rengoku san wanted me to deliver this to you. Sorry this took so long.” your hands froze at his name. Your chest heaved without even you realizing as you grab the letter.

A single drop of tear fell on the spot which had been previously stained with tears. Tears of kyojuro rengoku.

Your fingers shaked tracing your name on the letter. The name which he used to call. Y/n not Akiko.

You teared the seal, taking out a paper. It was filled with words. Words, he never thought he could express on paper.

Dear y/n,

If you're reading this, then I'm sorry. I might have broken my promise of protecting you forever because by the time you read it— I will be dead.

Y/n i wanted to tell you, that I've loved you. I have loved you from the very beginning. Before even I saw you. You were the one who protected the flame in my heart. While others told me to set it ablaze, you made me learn how to keep the flame burning.

You were as beautiful to me as the rising sun. So bright, so clear. You were the epitome of my life. I wanted to live a peaceful life with you, in which my father let's go of his depression. In which your family accepts us. In which we don't have to hide from others. I wanted you to have my surname.

Your words were like the first rain of summer to me. You saved me from quenching my thirst by your words. I have been starved…. starved for so long that I forgot what being hungry for love feels like. Until you came into my life. you healed my heart, handled it as if it's porcelain.

I thought papers were something I would never choose to express myself with. But look at me now. Haha. I don't know why I'm writing it now, but I just feel like, the time’s soon going to be over. And I feel like I will be gone without seeing your face.

Please don't hate me for that.

If I get to spend my life with you I will probably burn this off, but if this letter somehow unfortunately finds you…I want you to know, I gave my best. I gave my very best to save the ones surrounding me. That I fullfilled my duty till the end. So don't feel sad.

I still can't believe you chose to love me. If possible I would like to meet you in another birth, in another universe without demons, where I will be yours, completely yours. You're the best thing that happened to me, y/n. You're just perfect.

But I must say….you’re dumb for choosing a man who bets his life for others, leaving the silver spoon you had in your mouth.

Sadly, our time was limited in this birth. Good bye princess akiko.

~ your kyojuro

The letter fell from your hands. Your lips quivering as you barely contained your tears, which stained the letter.

You just managed a smile at the kids who brought you this letter. He was no more. And you couldn't believe that. He knew you were Akiko not y/n. The truth you weren't able to tell him.

“I'm sorry for making this long. Rengoku san died saving us from a demon, 3 years ago” said tanjiro, tears staining his cheeks. So do the others, barely containing their emotions.

“oh! But i-im glad you all are safe. H-he fulfilled his duties right?”

“Does it hurts?” Tanjiro asked.

“A lot.” And if he wasn't seeing things, he saw rengoku for one second with a silly smile on his face, maybe wondering how to comfort you.

The second he blinked his eyes he was gone. What remained was his letter. Tanjiro handed the photo to you before leaving. He wondered if in another birth he gets to see the both of you reconcile.

He took a deep breath wanting to return to kanao. Maybe he would just ask her to marry him this year. He doesn't want to waste anymore time away from her.

“Where were you?” Asked zenitsu to inosuke, who went missing for a while. They are currently waiting for a train to go back home.

“To buy this.” Inosuke showed a butterfly hair pin decorated with blue crystals. It was beautiful.

“Woah. Who did you buy it for?”

“Aoi.” Tanjiro chuckled at his bluntness, while zenitsu smirked. It's funny how inosuke still gets both of their names incorrect but he never made a mistake in saying aoi’s name correctly. Who knows they might have two weddings…

Now that tanjiro had finally payed off the debt, he wished you happiness as he looked forward to a happier future. He will remember you, not as princess akiko, but as y/n.

“Let's go! I can't wait to see nezuko!!”

“Zenitsu watch out your way!!”

© strawberrymochin 24 | plagiarism won't be tolerated | comments are reblogs are appreciated | banners are by me |

[gayvampyr]

one thing i hate about being “out” as autistic is suddenly all communication errors are your fault. unclear directions were given? your fault for being autistic, you must’ve misunderstood directions that were “probably perfectly clear.” not enough actionable information was provided for you? it must just be your autism, you should’ve picked up on what wasn’t said. they didn’t actually tell you what you were supposed to do and expected you to read their mind? your fault, not the allistic’s for not accommodating you or just saying what they want. because apparently it’s a one way street where autistics have to bend over backward to conform and placate allistics. its your fault even when they’re 100% culpable. i hate it

[wellofdean]

I've been reading lots of commentary on my dash about Dean's apology to Cas in The Trap that is, in a sense, re-litigating who is most to blame for their rupture, and who should be apologising.

On the one side, Cas, whose drive to protect and save the ones he loves leads him to go it alone and keep vital information from them, and on the other, Dean, whose anger, however justified, makes him cold, hard and uncompromising. Cas, who left, or Dean, who didn't ask him to stay. And, I think: can't they both be in error and standing in need of compassion? Is love a thing to be earned and deserved, or is it like grace, which is free and unmerited and complete forgiveness?

For me, these are two characters who are under tremendous pressure and in repeated dire circumstances, and who have given each other that kind of grace over and over and over again for years, and who have chosen each other every time a choice was there to be made. In the The Rupture, Dean is too angry to make talking about it viable (and I am not blaming him, he has his perfectly valid reasons! But, that's a fact) and Cas is too offended, hurt, and too proud to stay and bear Dean's anger, so he leaves.

A few episodes later, in Golden Time, Cas is told Chuck is back and is reminded of what they are fighting for, and who they are fighting against, and realises that his place is in that fight, at their side, whatever Dean's feelings, and that he has to go back. But, the tension remains -- Dean is angry, Cas is aloof. They go to hell. Rowena says "fix it" and reminds them that they don't have time to waste on grievances, and then Michael says "Since when do we get what we deserve?" And looks them both in the eye. Then, they go to Purgatory.

What happens in The Trap, for me, is that Dean, thinking he has lost Cas, looks into his own heart knows that his anger kept them apart, and he gives Cas grace and forgivenes, because he loves Cas too much not to and it doesn't matter if Dean has a right to his anger, or what anyone deserves, because the apology is to satisfy his own soul, and his own need to be better. I don't think it matters who is right and who is wrong. I think they are both right, and they are both wrong. Cas did apologise, and Dean was too angry to let him, Cas coming back to bear that anger and help is a capitulation and an effort to do what is right.

I love that Dean forgives Cas before Cas can earn it with his 'win', and don't think it's a matter of anyone deserving anything. Dean's very nature is love and goodness, and the constant striving to act on it; his anger works against those things. There is no basis for them to talk about what ails them if he can't let it go. Dean knows it's doing him damage, and he apologises for it. His conscience demands it, and grace cannot be a thing that is owed.

I love that scene, I love that Jensen acts his heart out in that scene, and I think that scene is about Dean's heart, and not about anyone's culpability. Both of them are so broken down by their losses and have such brutal histories of trauma, and that's why they are both falling back on habits that don't serve them. Cas came back, Dean gave up his anger. Do the problems still exist? Absolutely. But nothing is served by being apart and angry.

[drunkwhenimadethis]

“Perfectionism,” as I experience it, is the desire for a complete removal of any chance that I may behave, act, or speak in a way that attracts or evokes culpability, being disliked (feeling ostracized…, “unwanted,” “unloved,” “not good,” “irredeemably flawed,” “undeserving,” “bad,” “wrong,” “ugly.”) Perfectionism makes everything shallow and flat: sex, love, writing, cooking, art, conversation, interaction. Perfectionism creates an inward panic that nullifies intuition, kills spontaneity, robs us of our capacity to pay deep attention, and enters us into a state of life that is almost purely mental. Disassociated. We have this cultural archetype of the perfectionist as the early riser, the overachiever, the clean and elegant secretary who dots all of her I’s and crosses all of her T’s and does not leave the sky-high office until well after the boss does, who keeps her tube of toothpaste clean and her kitchen sparkling, who religiously makes use of her daily agenda, classic type A, Virgoan, immaculate (externally).

She notices things. She has a good grip. 

The other side of perfectionism, the side that we often cannot even comprehend as the result of a perfection-urge, is the frozen individual, chronically under accomplished, distracted, forgetful: the emotional perfectionist. The person plagued by the sensation that they cannot possibly begin to really live until all is safe and sound inside. The person who is waiting for the confirmation of their goodness or proof of their wrongness before they touch anything, before they commit to anything. They believe that they must understand who they are before living life without realizing that “Self” is something that becomes clear through the act of living. With all of that panic inside, what can be clear? What can be instinctive except for error?

You Are the Dream You Have Not Finished Dreaming

[probablyasocialecologist]

Harris stretched her coalition into incoherence. Inhumanly—as well as fruitlessly—she attempted to score points from the right on immigration, accusing Trump of insufficient dedication to building the wall. Her cack-handed performances of sympathy with Palestinians accompanied an evident commitment to follow Benjamin Netanyahu into a regional war. The Harris campaign featured a grab bag of policies, some good, some bad, but sharing no clear thematic unity or vision. She almost always offered evasive answers to challenging questions. And she adopted a generally aristocratic rather than demotic manner, which placed the candidate and her elite friends and allies at the center rather than the people they sought to represent. In these ways, Harris repeated not only Hillary Clinton’s errors but many of the same ones that she herself had made in her ill-starred 2019 presidential campaign, which opportunistically tacked left rather than right, but with equal insincerity and incoherence. Who remembers that campaign’s biggest moment, when she attacked Biden for his opposition to busing and what it would have implied for a younger version of herself, only to reveal when questioned that she also opposed busing? Or when she endorsed Medicare for All, raising her hand in a debate for the idea of private insurance abolition, only to later claim she hadn’t understood the question? Voters, then as now, found her vacuous and unintelligible, a politician of pure artifice seemingly without ideological depths she could draw from and externalize. She often gave the sense of a student caught without having done her homework, trying to work out what she was supposed to say rather than expressing any underlying, decided position. Even abortion rights, her strongest issue, felt at times like a rhetorical prop, given her own and her party’s inaction in the years prior to Dobbs. How many times before had Democrats promised to institutionalize and expand the protections of Roe, only to drop the matter after November?

[...]

The Democrats, in other words, comprehensively failed to set the terms of ideological debate in any respect. Their defensiveness and hypocrisy served only to give encouragement to Trump while demobilizing their own voters, whom they will no doubt now blame—as though millions of disaggregated, disorganized individuals can constitute a culpable agent in the same way a political party’s leadership can. But the party’s leaders are to blame, not that many in the center have cared or even seemed willing to reflect on a decade of catastrophe. Has anyone who complained that the 2020 George Floyd rebellion would cost Democrats votes due to the extremism of its associated demands reckoned with the empirical finding that the opposite proved true? That the narrow victory of Biden in 2020 was likely attributable to noisy protests that liberals wished would be quieter and calmer? Has anyone acknowledged the unique popularity of Sanders with Latinx voters, a once-core constituency that the Democrats are now on the verge of losing outright? The pathologies of the Democrats, though, are in a sense not the result of errors. It is the structural role and composition of the party that produces its duplicitous and incoherent orientation. It is the mainstream party of globalized neoliberal capitalism, and at the same time, by tradition anyway, the party of the working class. As the organized power of the latter has been washed away, the commitment has become somewhat more aspirational: Harris notably cleaned up with the richest income bracket of voters. The only issues on which Harris hinted of a break with Biden concerned more favorable treatment of the billionaires who surrounded her, and her closest advisers included figures like David Plouffe, former senior vice president of Uber, and Harris’s brother-in-law Tony West, formerly the chief legal officer of Uber, who successfully urged her to drop Biden-era populism and cultivate relations with corporate allies.

8 November 2024

[deepinsideyourbeing]

Tiempo - Enzo Vogrincic

+18! SoftDom!Enzo. Age gap, creampie, (posible) dacrifilia, dirty talk, fingering, (breves descripciones de) girly!reader, innocence kink (implícito), sexo oral, sexo sin protección. Uso de español rioplatense (y mucho texto, sorry).

Enzo recuerda la primera vez que te vio.

Llevaba ya un tiempo preguntándose quién había ocupado el departamento que dejó cuando terminó su última relación e intentando a su vez sepultar el pensamiento para no recordar nada que tuviera que ver con aquellos momentos, pero luego comprendió que su curiosidad poco tenía que ver con los fantasmas que creía ver en el edificio al que regresó.

Era la tarde de un aburrido sábado y él deambulaba por el corredor con su cámara en las manos, intentando encontrar el ángulo perfecto para capturar la luz del sol iluminando su puerta. Entre tantos viajes decidió recostarse sobre las cerámicas de su hogar, perdiéndose en la oscuridad y conteniendo la respiración hasta que la imagen que vio a través del lente logró convencerlo.

Tus zapatos arruinaron la fotografía.

Se apartó de la cámara con una expresión de disgusto dibujándose en su rostro y un sonido mitad frustración-mitad enojo dejando sus labios, aunque dichas emociones se esfumaron cuando alzó la vista y encontró tus ojos observándolo desde la puerta. Se reincorporó y permaneció sobre sus rodillas, con una extraña sensación recorriéndolo al mirarte.

-Hola.

-Hola- le sonreíste-. Enzo, ¿no?

-Sí. ¿Vos sos…?

Te presentaste con cierta timidez, confesando que sólo te detuviste porque te asustó ver la puerta abierta y aclarando también que en el tiempo que llevabas allí jamás habías tenido oportunidad de presenciar tal fenómeno. Se declaró culpable con una sonrisa y abandonó su posición.

-Vos vivías ahí, ¿no?- señalaste tu puerta y él asintió-. ¿Y por qué volviste?

Cruzó sus brazos sobre su pecho e hizo un gesto de indiferencia.

-Me gusta este lugar. Y tengo muchos recuerdos con mis gatos.

-Menos la lámpara- arqueó una ceja-. Una lámpara con rasguños, ¿la querés…?

-Era mía- apretó los labios-. Pero no, no la quiero, gracias.

-Bueno…- dijiste, alejándote lentamente de su puerta-. Fue un gusto.

Pero él no podía permitir que te fueras.

-¿Te molesta si subo la foto…? Te puedo etiquetar.

Y de pronto no había lugar en el que no se encontraran… Ya fuera en el parque a medio kilómetro de distancia o la vieja tienda de libros en el centro de la ciudad, sus caminos se entrelazaban y siempre emprendían juntos el regreso a casa. En alguna que otra ocasión se detenían a comprar alguna bebida –un simple espresso para Enzo y para vos una bebida con nombre e ingredientes que él no podría pronunciar-, flores o sólo para acariciar gatos del barrio.

Los no-tan-breves intercambios durante las caminatas se convirtieron en charlas interminables que tenían lugar en su cocina o en tu sala de estar. Allí Enzo descubrió por fin el misterio de la playlist que reproducías todos los sábados por las noches, el nombre de las canciones que no lograba encontrar y por qué decidiste no colocar tu apellido en el timbre de la entrada, entre otros detalles con los que completó el puzzle que era para él tu persona.

Recuerda también el día en que pediste su ayuda para decidir cómo decorar la sala para tu cumpleaños, comentándole que organizarías una pequeña reunión con tus amigas e invitándolo a acompañarte luego de preguntar por su agenda. Observó por un largo rato los productos que le señalabas en la pantalla de tu laptop y luego recordó preguntar:

-¿Y cuántos años cumplís?

-Veintidós… ¿De qué te reís?

-Dale- insistió entre risas-. Decime.

-Veintidós, Enzo.             

Su sonrisa se esfumó y se desplomó contra los cojines del sofá, notando en ese entonces que sus jeans rozaban tus muslos. No pareciste notar su reacción o decidiste ignorarla, pero poco podía importarle aquello cuando la voz en su cabeza gritaba que había cometido un error. Cuando se despidió besó tu mejilla con cierta reticencia e hizo un esfuerzo para no voltear antes de cerrar su puerta.

Aquella noche lo encontró en vela. Contó ovejas hasta aburrirse, el té caliente que debía ayudar quemó su lengua y ningún programa en la televisión llamaba su atención el tiempo suficiente; releyó conversaciones, fingió tener la intención de borrar todas tus fotos y tu contacto, juró romper las notitas que dejaste cuando regaste sus plantas durante su último viaje. Gritó y maldijo contra la almohada a sabiendas de que no sería capaz de hacer esas cosas.

Pensó en todas las señales que pasó por alto: algunas de tus prendas y los moños en el cabello, los cuales creyó parte de la reciente y creciente aceptación de la feminidad, las bromas y referencias que no comprendiste, parte del contenido que consumías en redes y que habías compartido con él. Sin ir más lejos, había visto la forma en que interactuabas con otros habitantes del edificio o cómo huías descaradamente (cosa que él envidiaba) para evitarlos.

Todas las mañanas al despertar juraba frente al espejo que era el último día, que pondría fin a lo-que-fuera que estaban haciendo con vos y que era la decisión más sensata para protegerte… Pero entonces recibía un mensaje tuyo deseándole un buen día o te veía regando tus plantas, todavía en pijama y un tanto despeinada, y decidía que podía permitirse unas últimas veinticuatro horas disfrutando de tu compañía.

Fue en una de esas tardes que acabaste sobre su regazo mientras él guiaba tus movimientos. Sólo unas capas de tela separaban tu piel de la suya y eso fue probablemente lo único que pudo lograr que se detuviera a tiempo… Bueno, eso y el hecho de que horas atrás le habías enseñado una página donde se apreciaban fotografías tomadas de tu cuenta de Instagram y el artículo que regalaba detalles sobre tu vida.

Con sus manos aún sobre tu cadera, tal vez un poco más por debajo de lo aceptable, Enzo te obligó a detenerte y fingió no notar el hilo de saliva que conectaba sus labios con los tuyos. Tu respiración era agitada, tus párpados parecían pesar con los vestigios del placer que te arrebató y podía ver tus pezones erectos a través del adorable top floreado que llevabas puesto, pero por muy tentadora que fuera la imagen no podía permitir que cometieran una equivocación.

Acomodaste tu cabello, nerviosa.

-¿Hice algo…?

-No- se apresuró a contestar y besó tu mejilla-. Pero no podemos.

Un sonido dejó tu garganta y tus labios fueron incapaces de contenerlo. Cuando te arrojaste sobre el sofá abrazaste tus piernas, ignorando que la posición había desacomodado tu ropa y dejaba al descubierto tu lencería humedecida. Enzo apartó la mirada y tomó un par de respiraciones profundas, su mano acariciando tu tobillo para ofrecerte consuelo.

-¿Por qué?

-Porque sos muy chica para mí.

-¿De verdad importa?- asintió-. Es que pensé… No pensé que podía gustarte.

-Y yo no pensé que eras diez años menor.

-Nueve- corregiste-. ¿Y entonces...? ¿Por qué estábamos…?

-Porque soy un imbécil.

-Y… sí.

-Creo que tendríamos que… no sé, evitar vernos por un tiempo- lo miraste confundida y él señaló tu celular-. Si te ven conmigo van a hacer y decir esas cosas, es así. Perdón.

-Pero acá no nos ven- intentaste razonar con él.

-Los vecinos sí.

Ambos comprendieron en ese momento lo que significaba evitar verse por un tiempo. Tu labio inferior temblaba mientras hacías un esfuerzo para contener el llanto y cuando Enzo se estiró para acariciar tu mejilla apartaste su mano, te pusiste de pie y te dirigiste hacia la entrada.

-Andate- te aclaraste la garganta-. Andate, Enzo.

Abandonó tu hogar sin atreverse a mirarte a los ojos y la mañana siguiente no se acercó para dejarte la copia de sus llaves ni para reclamar la manta que había caído en tu sofá durante su visita el día anterior. Dejó el edificio con prisas, temiendo que ante el mínimo retraso ambos pudieran encontrarse y él se viera obligado a pensar todavía más en todo lo que hizo mal.

Jamás se había sentido tan ansioso en un avión… Por lo menos no en uno real.

Se arrepintió en ese momento y durante una semana sus conocidos parecieron tratarlo como si fuera un frágil adorno de cristal, aunque no lograba comprender si se debía al evidente estado anímico que arrastraba junto con su maleta o al mal genio que dejaba entrever cuando todas las entrevistas y eventos diarios comenzaban a abrumarlo.

En algún momento comenzó a sentir que había cometido un crimen.

Empeoró cuando lo bloqueaste en todas tus redes. Y cuando los periodistas no dejaban de preguntar si estaba soltero, si tenía novia, si podían saber tu nombre; cuando alguien difundió fotografías que habías subido a tus historias luego de que configuraras tu cuenta como privada, cuando notaron que la lámpara en tu sala era la misma que se apreciaba en viejas publicaciones en su feed, cuando señalaron que tu sala era también la misma sala que él posteó en ocasiones.

Se arrepintió entonces, por supuesto que se arrepintió. Y también se arrepiente ahora, aunque no puede precisar si su arrepentimiento es producto de haberte arrastrado al circo mediático que lo rodea o si se debe a la distancia que los separa. Tampoco sabe qué duele más.

El taxi se detiene en la puerta del edificio y al bajarse lo sorprende el característico sonido del cristal haciéndose pedazos bajo sus pies. Se aparta rápidamente y observa la lámpara destrozada en la acera durante unos segundos, sus ojos ardiendo cuando finge que chequea las suelas de sus zapatillas en caso de que el dolor que siente provenga de una herida.

Arrastra su cuerpo hasta entrar en el elevador y presiona el botón. Odiaría quedarse atrapado o sentirse encerrado como sucedió en el avión, pero está demasiado cansado y prefiere evitar el tramo de escaleras. Toma una respiración profunda antes de abandonar las paredes metálicas y se apresura hacia su puerta, sus manos temblando mientras introduce la llave en la cerradura.

Suelta su maleta de inmediato cuando nota las hojas marchitas de las plantas en su sala, el único sobreviviente de su ausencia siendo el cactus que dejaste allí la última vez que lo visitaste. Pasa una mano por su rostro antes de abrir las puertas del balcón, las ventanas de su habitación y por último las de la cocina, las cuales permiten que a sus oídos llegue la música que suena en tu departamento.

Revisa el calendario. Recuerda la foto de tus zapatos. Respira.

El reloj da las nueve cuando alguien toca tu puerta. Estás sola con tus pensamientos hace horas y te parece un tanto extraño ya que tus amigas te habrían enviado un mensaje en caso de haberse olvidado alguna de sus pertenencias, pero de todas formas echás un rápido vistazo a la cocina y la sala en busca de cualquier objeto que reconozcas como ajeno.

Cuando abrís la puerta te encontrás con Enzo esperando del otro lado, un ramo de flores en una mano y un regalo mal envuelto bajo el brazo: permanecés inmóvil a la espera de una explicación lógica a su presencia y él, que no deja de mirarte a los ojos, contiene la respiración preparado para que lo eches. Te hacés a un lado para dejarlo pasar.

-Esos son regalos para mí, ¿no? Porque si no me trajiste un regalo te tenés que ir.

El tono pasivo-agresivo de tu broma lo obliga a tragarse su risa y se planta en medio de tu sala.

-Te tengo que pedir perdón.

-En eso estamos de acuerdo- cruzás tus brazos sobre tu pecho-. ¿Y por qué, exactamente?

-Por todo.

Tomás asiento en el sofá y Enzo ocupa el otro extremo, manteniendo cierta distancia que para ambos resulta abismal. Coloca el ramo de flores sobre la mesita de café y también la caja, luego pasa sus manos por su pantalón una y otra vez, nervioso e inquieto como jamás lo habías visto. Te gustaría poder consolarlo pero aún te sentís herida y tu corazón latiendo en tus oídos no te permite pensar con claridad.

-Sé más específico.

 -Primero me gustaría pedirte perdón por lo de tus fotos.

-No es tu culpa- negás-. De verdad, no sos responsable.

-Entonces te quiero pedir perdón por haber sido un pelotudo…- acorta la distancia entre ambos-. Sé que lo que hice estuvo muy mal, tendría que haberme quedado para que pudiéramos hablar bien y no tendría que haberme ido sin despedirme o prometer que íbamos a aclararlo cuando volviera. Seguro estás enojada y tenés todo el derecho del mundo, pero te pido que me dejes explicarte.

Suspirás y hacés un gesto para que te dé un momento. Buscás refugio en la cocina para ocultar tus lágrimas y deshacerte de la horrible sensación de opresión en tu pecho, colocando un par de cupcakes en unos pequeños platos de porcelana pintada que recibiste por la tarde. Estás a punto de voltear para regresar a la sala, pero la presencia de Enzo a tus espaldas es evidente.

-Perdón- susurra, tomando ambos platos para dejarlos sobre el mármol y poder sostener tus manos-. Sé que dije que sos muy chica para mí, pero sólo lo dije porque no me gustaría que en algún momento…

-¿Qué?

-No me gustaría que dejes de ser como sos sólo para encajar conmigo, que te pierdas de esas experiencias que yo ya viví, no me gustaría que la gente nos mire y piense “Ah, sí, ahí van Enzo y la nena”, no…

-No sos como DiCaprio, Enzo- te liberás de su agarre-. ¿De verdad te importa tanto lo que piensen los demás? Porque yo juraría que normalmente no sos así.

-¿Vos leíste todo lo que dijeron sobre nosotros? Tenés que entender.

-¿Entender qué…? ¿Por qué creés que hacíamos algo incorrecto?

-Porque yo ya sé muchas cosas que a vos te faltan aprender.

-Podés enseñarme- apoyás las manos en su pecho y sentís que tiembla bajo tus dedos-. Me dijiste todo lo que no te gustaría, ¿por qué ahora no me decís lo que sí te gusta?

Toma tu mano y besa tus nudillos.

-Me gustás vos, pero no sé si te merezco- cubre de besos tu palma antes de llevarla a su mejilla-. Perdón, chiquita, te juro que voy a encontrar la manera de…

-Podemos seguir donde nos quedamos- sugerís. Tus mejillas arden.

Enzo rodea tu cintura con sus manos y sus pulgares trazan figuras sobre tu ropa.

-¿Estás segura?- asentís.

Ataca tus labios con una delicadeza brutal, su desesperación evidente en los gemidos que dejan su garganta y en la urgencia con la que comienza a frotarse contra tu abdomen; entre besos y roces toma tu muñeca y te arrastra en dirección a tu habitación, deteniéndose sólo al ver su manta en tu cama deshecha. Cuando evitás su mirada toma tu mentón entre sus dedos.

-No te voy a dejar sola nunca más- besa tu frente-. Nunca.

Te ayuda a recostarte en la cama y se posiciona sobre tu cuerpo con cuidado. Comienza a besarte, su mano acariciando tu cintura con movimientos suaves que le permiten estudiar tus reacciones y sus labios delineando tu mandíbula, tu cuello y tus clavículas hasta hacerte estremecer.

Se aleja por un segundo para observar tu expresión y se siente casi orgulloso del efecto que tienen en vos sus besos. Vuelve a acercarse a tu boca y tus brazos rodean su cuello para acortar toda distancia entre sus cuerpos, tus piernas abrazando su cintura para poder sentir la evidencia de su excitación contra tu centro. Comienza a rozarte por sobre la ropa y se deleita al oír tus gemidos, tímidos al principio y desesperados con el pasar de los minutos.

-¿Puedo?- pregunta al deslizar sus dedos entre la cintura de tu pantalón y tu piel. Asentís-.  Necesito palabras.

-Sí, sí podés.

-Muy bien- te sonríe y tira de la prenda hasta lograr deshacerse de ella. Observa los tiernos detalles de tu ropa interior pero lo que más llama su atención es la mancha de humedad en el centro. Comienza a deslizar sus dedos sobre la tela y jadeás-. ¿Querés que te toque?

-Sí.

Es adictiva la manera en que reaccionás a sus caricias y se siente casi cruel al preguntar:

-¿Dónde?

Cerrás los ojos, avergonzada, y presiona sobre tu entrada aún cubierta.

-Ahí.

-¿Acá?- repite el movimiento y gemís. Se acerca a tu rostro y besa tus labios-. Perdón, bebé, es que sos muy linda…

El temblor que te recorre hace que se apiade y te despoja de la última prenda que lo separa de tu intimidad. Se arroja sobre el colchón y besa tus muslos con algo similar a la devoción mientras te observa desde su lugar tal como lo hizo la tarde en que se conocieron. Arrastra sus labios sobre tu piel hasta acercarse peligrosamente a tus pliegues y tu entrada brillante.

El primer beso te hace gritar y mientras sus labios te recorren de arriba abajo Enzo aparta la mano que cubre tu boca. Su lengua caliente y experta juega con tu entrada, se introduce en ella y realiza pequeños movimientos hasta sentir que tus dedos se enredan en su cabello para acercarlo aún más, alejarlo y también guiarlo en busca de más placer.

Las yemas de sus dedos recogen tu excitación y frota tus pliegues para lubricarlos. Cuando se detiene brevemente sobre tu clítoris para dibujar círculos estos arrancan un sinfín de sonidos incomprensibles de tus labios y Enzo sonríe complacido contra tu piel ardiente.

Introduce un dedo muy, muy lentamente en tu interior y suspira cuando siente tus paredes contrayéndose hasta prácticamente succionar el dígito en tu interior: gira su muñeca y curva su dedo hasta hallar tu punto dulce, obteniendo un gemido casi pornográfico como recompensa.

Comienza a abusar de tu sensibilidad y no decide si prefiere ver la forma en que te retorcés sobre las sábanas o tus fluidos haciendo brillar tu piel y deslizándose hasta manchar su manta. Intenta obtener algo de fricción, frotándose desesperado contra el colchón y capturando tu clítoris entre sus labios para acallar sus propios gemidos.

Desliza en tu interior otro dedo y te oye quejarte segundo cuando tus paredes oponen resistencia, pero pronto tus gemidos cobran más y más intensidad y movés tu cadera para encontrar sus movimientos. Otro dedo le sigue y cuando sollozás Enzo se pregunta cuántas noches pasaste tocándote en soledad, tus manos incapaces de darte el placer que él logra brindarte en este momento.

Una serie de balbuceos -entre los cuales cree distinguir su nombre- son la única advertencia que ofrecés antes de alcanzar un orgasmo que arquea tu espalda y provoca que arañes las sábanas al intentar aferrarte de algo que te ayude a tolerar el placer. Enzo prolonga tu orgasmo hasta sentir que los espasmos dejan de sacudir tu cuerpo y ver que tu respiración agitada se regula.

Se recuesta a tu lado para poder apreciar tu rostro de cerca y besa tu mejilla.

-Feliz cumpleaños- dice contra tu piel-. ¿Querés más?

 -Todo- asentís-. Quiero…

Se deja caer contra la almohada.

-Si lo hacés no voy a aguantar- lamenta-. Pero…

-Sí- te apresurás a decir-. ¿Y puedo intentar más tarde?

Besa la comisura de tus labios y emite un sonido de afirmación.

Se desnuda bajo tu atenta mirada y regresa a su lugar entre tus piernas. Descansa su peso sobre un brazo y acaricia su miembro, jugando con su punta brillante y suspirando sobre tu cuerpo sólo para tentarte más. Juega con tu clítoris, se desliza entre tus pliegues y te hace delirar posándose sobre tu entrada una y otra vez.

-¿Segura?

-Segura- acariciás su mejilla.

Aunque el ardor de la penetración te resulta placentero esto no evita que un par de lágrimas se deslicen por tus mejillas cuando agachás la mirada para ver la escena entre tus piernas. Enzo es grande y las venas que lo recorren parecen gritar pidiendo que tus dedos las acaricien, pero tus manos acaban sobre su pecho desnudo y tus uñas dejan marcas en su piel al sentir que alcanza los lugares más profundos en tu interior.

-Enzo…- temblás y su pulgar comienza a dibujar círculos en tu clítoris para calmarte.

-Ya sé, bebé, ya sé…

-Más, por favor.

Mueve sus caderas con suavidad para no herirte y arroja la cabeza hacia atrás, incapaz de contenerse ante el placer que siente y esforzándose por no perder el control. Abandona tu interior hasta que sólo la punta permanece dentro de tu cuerpo, que suplica contrayéndose deliciosamente, y cuando vuelve a introducirse lo hace de una sola estocada.

-Más, Enzo, más.

Acelera el ritmo y jura que podría morir en esa posición, con tu calidez abrazándolo y tus gritos opacando cualquier sonido que pudiera llegar a sus oídos. Se deja caer sobre sus codos y busca tus labios, embargado por la necesidad de besarte hasta olvidar cualquier pensamiento que no seas vos.

Su mano se desliza bajo tu camiseta hasta llegar a uno de tus pechos, masajeándolo y girando tu pezón entre sus dedos hasta que tus dientes muerden su labio inferior. Rompe el beso para poder observar las expresiones que transforman tu rostro cuando comienza a profundizar sus movimientos, el vaivén de sus caderas permitiendo que su pelvis estimule también tu clítoris.

-Ahí...

-¿Sí, acá te gusta?- la pregunta es casi retórica. Sin esperar confirmación comienza a atacarte con embestidas que te hacen delirar, su punta golpeando tu cérvix y sus movimientos provocando que tu cuerpo se mueva sobre las sábanas de manera casi violenta.

Tus pestañas brillan con las lágrimas que nublan tu visión y Enzo besa el rastro que estas dejan mientras se pregunta si alguna vez alguien logró hacerte llorar de placer, si te aferraste con tanta fuerza al cuerpo de otra persona para no perder la cabeza por la intensidad de las sensaciones… Sabe que no y los músculos de su abdomen se tensan peligrosamente al pensarlo.

Hace una breve pausa para recuperarse y acaricia tu rostro antes de manipular tu cuerpo con facilidad, recostándose contra las almohadas y posicionándote sobre su cuerpo. Puede apreciar en tu rostro tus dudas, por lo que te toma por el cuello para poder acercarte a él y besar tus labios de manera casi voraz.

Colocás tus manos sobre su pecho y comenzás a rozar tus pliegues sobre su miembro húmedo y brillante por los fluidos de ambos, un hilo de saliva cayendo de tus labios cuando bajás la vista para apreciar la imagen entre tus piernas.

Te cuesta creer que lo que sucede es real y que Enzo está con vos en todos los sentidos, más aún cuando humedece su pulgar -como si hacerlo fuera necesario- con la saliva que moja tus labios y lo lleva hacia tu clítoris.

-Enzo, no, me voy a…- intentás advertirle pero tus palabras sólo parecen motivarlo más. Gritás-. Es mucho…

-Hacelo.

Temblás y Enzo te empuja con su cadera hasta que el ángulo le permite volver a penetrarte. La intensidad de los estímulos sacude tu cuerpo y de tu garganta surge un sonido agudo cuando te golpea otro orgasmo que blanquea tu visión y te obliga a arañar su abdomen.

Tus movimientos se apagan gradualmente y las manos de Enzo acarician tu cintura, tu cadera, tus muslos y cualquier centímetro de piel que sus ojos ven. Su miembro palpita en tu interior mientras te recuperás de tu orgasmo, algún que otro espasmo atravesándote y una capa de tus fluidos haciendo brillar tus pliegues, tus muslos y también su abdomen.

La escena es terriblemente obscena y te sentís avergonzada al ver el desastre, pero Enzo no permite que te disculpes y te rodea con sus brazos para aprisionarte contra su pecho. Besa tu cuello y tus paredes se contraen sobre su miembro, tu cuerpo aún sensible rogando por más.

Llenás su hombro de besos y susurrás contra su piel.

-Adentro.

Un gemido resuena en su garganta al oírte y toma impulso con sus pies para volver a asaltar tu interior. Su miembro parece rozar cada fibra de tu ser y la habitación se llena con los sonidos de su piel colisionando con la tuya y tus sollozos cuando decide lamer y morder tu cuello. Mantiene en tu cadera un agarre lo suficientemente fuerte para dejar huellas.

Dejás caer tu frente sobre su hombro, rendida al sentir el cosquilleo entre tus piernas. Enzo tira de tu cabello para obligarte a mirarlo.

-¿Querés que te llene la conchita…?- asentís-. ¿Sí…?

-Sí, por favor.

Tu expresión es patética, pero Enzo cree que es tierna la forma en que tus cejas se curvan y tu boca entreabierta le permite ver tus dientes y tu lengua. Captura tus labios entre los suyos y jura que puede saborear su orgasmo en la forma en que permitís que invada el interior de tu boca.

Sus estocadas son frenéticas y erráticas y sus uñas marcan tu piel. Ahoga un gemido contra tus labios y en medio de la desesperación rompe el beso, mordiendo tu mejilla cuando su liberación mancha tus paredes hasta hacerte lloriquear.

Te abraza con más fuerza mientras las últimas gotas de su semen llenan tu interior y besa las marcas de sus dientes en tu rostro.

-Ahora sos mía.

Gemís en respuesta.

-Y vos sos mío- decís con voz temblorosa-. Para siempre.

-Para siempre, sí- jura, tomando tu mano para besar tus nudillos, tu palma y tus dedos, deteniéndose sobre estos cuando ve tu expresión de dolor-. ¿Qué te pasó acá?

-Estaba limpiando y se rompió tu lámpara. Perdón.

-No me pidas perdón. Nunca- vuelve a besar tu mejilla y te sonríe-. Creo que te va a gustar tu regalo.

-¿Cuál…?

-El que dejamos en la sala.

-Ah, sí- soltás una risa.

-¿Qué te parece si nos damos una ducha y terminamos de celebrar tu cumpleaños juntos?- propone-. Podemos pedir algo para comer y ver una película.

-Quiero quedarme así un ratito- descansás tu mejilla contra su piel caliente-. ¿Enzo…?

-¿Qué pasa, bebé?

-Te quiero.

La fuerza de su abrazo amenaza con dejarte sin respiración.

-Yo también te quiero. Mucho- toma tu mentón entre sus dedos para llamar tu atención-. ¿Puedo ser tu novio…?

Espero hayan disfrutado la lectura ♡

}taglist: @madame-fear @creative-heart @llorented @recaltiente @chiquititamia @delusionalgirlplace ♡

[fragmentos-literarixs]

I was a weirdo, and you were an angel.

Mi linda estrella, nunca me atreví a escribirte desde toda la sinceridad, pero hoy decidí tomar valentía y hacer esta carta para ti. La última vez que hablamos me contaste que ibas a vivir en LA lo cuál me hizo feliz, porque sé no eras feliz donde estabas. Ahora me pregunto dónde estarás, si ya habrás comido o si estarás con un cigarro en tu mano.

Recuerdo cuando te conocí por primera vez. Tú y yo, muy jóvenes y con mucha inmadurez. Con tu carisma me atrapaste y me hiciste caer por ti, pero para nuestra desgracia llegaste en el momento equivocado, porque yo aún estaba atrapada en una relación tóxica y me encontraba terriblemente confundida, así que inevitablemente terminé rompiendo tu corazón, y no sólo una vez, sino varias veces en todas nuestras idas y venidas de los años siguientes, porque siempre era yo la que decidía alejarme.

Querida estrella Y, recuerdo cuando una vez me dijiste que era triste porque nunca era nuestro tiempo indicado, pero cariño, si te soy honesta, ha sido más mi culpa que la del tiempo, porque he sido yo la cobarde que decide retroceder, incluso cuando sé que tú eres de las pocas personas que me han querido de verdad en toda mi vida.

Hace varios años atrás, te dediqué la canción de Creep - Radiohead, porque así era como yo me sentía contigo: un bicho raro al lado de un ángel. Nunca pertenecí a tu lado, y nunca te merecí.

Me siento culpable y horrible cuando recuerdo lo que hice, pero no puedo borrar mis errores pasados y sanar tu corazón. Sé muy bien, que cada vez que rompen mi corazón, es el karma que estoy pagando por haber roto el tuyo tantas veces.

Mi linda estrella de verdad, lo siento mucho.

Lo que nunca pude decir IV; Euphoria.

[axolotsofluv]

❝𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐒𝐨 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞❞ [𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐬 𝐫. 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫]

a/n: finally managed to scrounge up the motivation to complete this. It ain't much (no beta we die like phainon's friends), but it's honest work. Also, I figured I should mention that the whole phainon hype has compromised my brain by giving it an itch to write for him. I'm afraid I'm slowly caving in (￣﹃￣) taglist: @naenaex0xx, @silvermah, @strawbairicake, @chokifandom, @digitalspool

synopsis — world-renowned genius scholar commits a human error. His significant other comes to his rescue.

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

❥ pairing: veritas ratio x reader

❥ tags: humor, romance, fluff, domesticity, established relationship, ratio x reader

❥ word count: 2.6k

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

Ratio prides himself on being a man built upon the foundation of logic, acuity, and diligence. Just as he holds others to a high standard, he's not one to abstain from applying that very same principle on himself. Otherwise, he would be no different than the hypocrites and elitists parading around the academia circle bearing no qualms in leering down from their ivory towers, revered not for what they have given for the cause of progression but for their inheritance. The language that Ratio speaks is imbued with truth, a brandished sword equipped to eradicate the nebulous swarm that shrouds the common masses in an illusion of complacency and ignorance.

Veritas Ratio is a man who views deadlines as a challenge and submits his work way before the designated time. 

He's a man who compiles his class notes and personal findings into an organized unit with varying categories; so much so, it looks like something studied in taxonomy. 

He's the man with the capability to actively recall any past knowledge or tasks with crystal clarity, rivalling even those born with eidetic memories. 

And today, just a few hours before an important debate competition, guess what kind of man he decides to be. 

He decides to be all three and disregard a singular focal trait. 

The man who actually remembers to bring what was needed for the debate competition. 

One of their competitors whom Ratio recognized as a fellow acquaintance approaches him after hearing what happened. By the time they open their mouth, Ratio just shakes his head with a grunt that sounds like it carries the disappointment of his past ancestors. It's the fifth time that day someone has come up to him with the mindless gait and foolish expression of a gaping fish, offering no verbal substance except for a breathless “how”. If one more person comes up to him asking him how on earth he could forget the notes he had painstakingly conflated, highlighted, revised, and reorganized for the sake of the competition (and for his teammates to be able to keep up with his rapid fire thoughts), he will absolutely lose it.

Not necessarily the competition, just his sanity and patience. 

Then again, he supposes that his daily habit is culpable to an extent. Pulling all-nighters to not only compile veritable data for the assigned debate topics, but to also engage in discourse with his own teammates over whether or not the data is relevant or still valid. It served as a good training ground for their competition, but that didn't mean it wasn't draining for him to constantly remind them that—“no, we shouldn't pool our money to hire someone to write the script for us. Why would you suggest something preposterous and underhanded to me? If you're looking for people to rally to your oh-so-noble cause, don't consider me. Never consider me.”

Then, there was the occasional “this is not a court. There is no need for you to call the opposing side the defendant nor is it wise for you to refer to the judges as ‘your honor’. Please cease your nonsense this instant.”

You told him once that you started to spot a few gray strands growing among his violet waves; he was only surprised there weren't more. 

All those enervating tasks and responsibilities coupled with his other obligations as a teaching assistant did a number to his overall well-being, pummeling his sharp mind to near exhaustion in a way that left him almost feeling like his brain had regressed to mediocrity. While he was disappointed at his own forgetfulness that caused major inconvenience to his team, he knew this sort of behavior would be exhibited one way or another. Genius as he is, he is still human first and foremost. And although the capacity of his mind inherently breached and exceeded levels of what was deemed normal, that didn't automatically make him immune to fatigue. 

He just wished the exhaustion didn't catch up to him right before an important event. 

“Alright, everyone. We still have time before our team goes on stage.” Ratio procures his laptop and wastes no time booting it up. “Anyone here know the closest printer within the vicinity? The library—can anyone check to see if it's available to use at the moment?”

Nobody makes any effort to move. Ratio raises his eyes and lets his steely gaze sweep over the passive crowd. One clicks his tongue and opens his mouth, his stance argumentative, but another places a hand on his shoulder. 

“I can check.” Another raises their hand sheepishly before scurrying away from the bubbling pot of unspoken tension. 

Ratio was never one to ingratiate himself with his peer group out of his own principle dictating that he doesn't need people to like him to live. This principle spared him the trouble of having to agonize over how to present himself in an approachable manner, and given his own stellar aptitude in the various fields he studied, there was rarely a moment in his life where his inability to connect with others posed a hindrance to his pursuit of knowledge. If anything, people flocked to him, regardless of how they viewed him. 

But in this moment, when the atmosphere previously buzzing with anticipation drops to subzero and hardens into a biting cold, he discovers that perhaps there are merits to maintaining an amicable relationship. He doesn't blame his teammates for bearing a grudge over his mistake considering that their agreement put him in charge over their important documents, and he had taken up the responsibility readily. However, he is aware that some of their sentiments may be magnified due to personal misgivings or past grievances—or simply put, his less than pleasant personality. 

“I… realize that my actions have placed us in an unfortunate situation, and for that, I extend to you all my deepest apologies.” His posture straightens as he faces his body away from his team. “I won't ask for forgiveness, but I do want to ask for your understanding and cooperation. I will take any critique you wish to impart to me after our debate, but until then, I implore—”

The universe must be hellbent on subjecting him to further humiliation seeing that even his own heartfelt speech gets rudely interrupted by a call notification from his own phone. The breath he exhales is sharp, but the expression that he shares with his team is considerably softened. 

“Apologies. I'll take this.”

He picks up his phone, not even bothering to read the contact name. 

He holds back the urge to hiss at the person, but out of common courtesy, he ends up with a curt “please make it brief.”

“Veritas! Where are you now!?”

Said man has to reel back from the sudden loud volume that hit his ear. 

“W- Who…?” He tentatively brings the phone closer to his ear. “[name]?”

“Yeah, yeah, it's me. Look, it's urgent. Where are you right now?”

He scoffs. “Allow me to jog your fickle memory, dear—I have a competition today. Remember?”

“Cut the sass, okay? I know that. AH–” Ratio picks up on the distinct sound of a car horn blaring. “Watch where you're driving, butthead! Ugly, armpit-smelling piece of— oh! Are you in that tall white building near the corner of the block?”

“What was that? Did you almost get run over–”

“No time to talk! I'll see you soon!”

The call closes before he can put a word in. He thinks that was it. That you're simply calling him with that nonsensical tirade out of a sense of comfortability and familiarity that prompted you to behave absurdly. Ratio is fiddling with his phone again, ready to call his teammate to confirm whether the library printer is available or not, when he hears clamorous footfalls ascending the flight of stairs. The noise is disruptive in a way that's not only bothersome, but also intriguing in its nature that's out of place amidst the rigid stillness of the corridor. 

He brushes it aside, pinning his attention back to his previous predicament. 

“Veritas!”

His head whips towards the voice. 

“Veri…” There is a deep intake of breath. “Veritas… !”

His heart stutters at your voice, but it gradually amps up in speed when his gaze lands on the transparent folder bag dangling from my fingers. 

“Your savior…” You heave. “...has arr–” You keel over, succumbing to the fatigue gnawing your legs. The last few steps on the stairs are conquered by you sacrificing your dignity and image as you collapse to your knees, your feet and hands clawing all the way to the top floor. 

You pretend not to notice Ratio's bewildered stare. 

“Yours…” You rasp out, shoving the files he forgot onto his flabbergasted face. 

“You… brought it?” Ratio unclips the flap and rummages through the papers. Tucked within the confines of the folder are his files—neat with no signs of creases and organized the same way it had been the last time he touched them. He's not one prone to excessive sentimentality, but the crisp smell of printed papers wafting from the folder has never felt more cathartic. 

“How did you–”–know, is what Ratio wanted to say, but his words halt on the tip of his tongue when he sees you sliding down to the floor. As if the venue is your own home. 

That's when your out-of-breath state stirs a realization. 

“Look, I get that you're embarrassed of me right now, but please leave me be. I can't breathe.”

He kneels down beside you. “Did you run all the way here?” 

You incline your head towards his hand as it connects with your forehead. “Just… Just from the bus stop.”

“That distance is nothing to scoff at.” He retorts sharply. 

From your peripheral vision, you can make out the expressions of his teammates, their facial muscles going slack and their bodies bursting at the seams with relief the moment the folder bag gets passed around. Your attention only shifts when you feel warmth enveloping your shoulder blades, permeating from Ratio's palms carefully helping you to your feet.

“Where are we going?” You cling to his arm like a crutch while he guides you inside the competition venue. 

Before your hand can grasp the door handle, Ratio intercepts smoothly and pushes it open for you, taking a stance in front of you to pave the path ahead that you won't have to exert anymore energy. You take in the high ceiling, the padded walls, and the scent of expensive furniture, and you briefly ponder over whether your presence here might defile the very essence of the room. Everyone is dressed in attires whose quality seemed on par with the grandiose room—though perhaps, that's an exaggeration on your part seeing as they are only donning their respective vests and uniforms representing their alma mater. The point is that you don't feel like you belong here. At all. 

“Stay put. I'll find something for you to drink.” He cups your cheek and rubs his thumb over it, as if sensing that your mind has begun to float elsewhere. 

“Oh, uh… no need. I brought my own drink.” You adjust your backpack and set it on your lap. The aftermath of bolting all the way to your destination without the athletic constitution to support it and no prior warm-up does a number on your muscles. You can already feel the all too familiar spasms on your thighs giving you a sneak peek of what your upcoming week will be like—discomfort, difficulty walking, and all the other physiological quirks of an elderly woman. 

Ratio doesn't miss the wince that bubbles out of your throat when you attempt to straighten your posture. He's certain that you can compose yourself just fine, and logically, he should leave to reconvene with his team mates, continue his apology, and hold an impromptu briefing before they get called up on stage. But he finds that his feet are unable to move away from you, away from your hunched form voraciously emptying your water bottle in one gulp. He's a man not one easily moved by pitiful sights caused by human folly and recklessness (although your case isn't exactly foolishness) but he can't pretend that seeing you so worn out doesn't prick his conscience. This entire predicament is due to his own negligence; it was hardly fair that the outcome of rectifying his mistakes came at the cost of your comfort and well-being. 

“Veritas…” Those amber hues flicker to the source of the sound, finding your own gaze brimming with concern. “You look out of it.”

Even in your own less than stellar condition, you still fret over him. 

“Are you nervous about the competition?” You place your bag down beside your chair, emptying your lap in favor of welcoming his hands to be cradled in yours. “Or is it something else?”

He has never grasped at anything as hard as he does with your hands. “Far from it. This debate is a mere child's play to me if I were to be unequivocally candid.”

“Then, why do you look troubled?” 

You watch with mild interest as he unzips your bag without warning and produces a small pack of tissues. Your assumption is that he's going to wipe his own skin with it, but much to your surprise (and everyone else's who lingered close), he presses the thin piece of material onto your forehead. He proceeds to move further, dabbing methodically to ensure that any trace of sweat is dealt with. 

“Veritas… ?”

“You don't know just how monumental your help is to me.” He kneels down in front of you, urging you to lower your head to his height. “More precisely, to everyone here.”

“You're talking as if I just did something miraculous.” A giggle flutters from your lips when he moves to wipe the sweat on your neck. 

“But that's the reality, no? You've saved me from becoming the recipient of scorn from my peers. You've saved them from ending up like you in order to have our papers printed all over again.”

“What do you mean ‘end up like me’?” You murmur with indignation, pulling away from the tissue that is now wiping your forearm. 

“What I mean is that you—” He brings your wrist back to him and resumes drying your skin. “—have spared us from experiencing a catastrophic degree of humiliation on stage. While I still struggle to understand how I could've failed to remember the one most vital task, you, my dear, have unknowingly aided me in atoning for my mistakes.”

“Human error, Veritas.” You take advantage of the position of your hand to graze the tip of his nose with your finger. It takes every ounce of self-restraint in you not to swoon when he leans in to meet your touch halfway. “Even you aren't immune to making mistakes. Have you apologized to your team?”

“It had to be deferred since someone had horrendous timing when they called.”

“Well, my bad for trying to help you.” You reach out in an attempt to brush his nose again, only for him to abruptly tug your fingers to his lips. 

You both hear someone gasp behind you. Along with a muffled squeal. 

“I'll repay you, dear. Handsomely.” Without offering you a chance to respond to his gesture, he stands to his full height. “We can discuss the arrangements after the competition. Until then, promise me you'll stay for the remainder of the event.”

“How bossy…” You shake your head with a tut. “Yeah, yeah. I'll stay for you. Now, go back to your friends and demolish the other team. Give them hell!”

Your overzealous viking cry is silenced by his palm on your mouth. 

“Please don't embarrass me.”

You plant a firm, but chaste kiss on his skin. “No promises. Don't mind me. Go on and wow us all.”

“You best believe I will.” He parts from you with that signature countenance of confidence bordering on smugness. 

His teammates welcome him with nods of acknowledgement, a fearless few displaying pure audacity by smirking at him for his previous interaction. Yet oddly enough, he can't find it in him to care. 

That evening, he walks back home with a golden plaque, a successful reconciliation, and a happily chattering lover beside him gushing over his jaw-dropping debate performance with an ice cream in hand.

Human error has never felt this relieving.

[unfiltered-girl]

La gente mierda siempre minimizará sus errores y te hará sentir culpable de todo. Incluso te juzgarán por tu reacción a sus malas acciones.

[stars-and-sugarcubes]

Aquarius and Capricorn.

Ruled by Saturn

Of the two larger planets, Saturn is more negating and extreme. The only season it occupies is the dead of Winter, only letting go of the reigns when Jupiter’s Pisces comes to transform the scarcity of the cold to the opportunity of the warm spring. Saturn’s domiciles directly oppose the Sun and Moon, opposing Summer. As a malefic, Saturn represents extremes in the form of slowness and the cold. In the Diurnal sect, Satun counterbalances the more fast and hot nature of the Sun, Jupiter, and diurnal Mercury. The only thing that gets me about Saturn is the lack of acknowledgement of the more feminine traits it possesses. Saturn is inert, dark, and contracting, like Femininity and the Nocturnal sect, like Mars in the night, it counterbalances the day. While Saturn has masculine expression, it feels like the boundary planet sees the boundary between masculine and feminine. Melancholic in nature, like earth, yet it joys in airy Aquarius and exalts in Venus’ Libra.

Aquarius - Hot, Wet, Fixed

Masculine • Diurnal • Winter

Individual, single-minded, idealistic, high-standards, self-righteous, genius, inventive, resourceful, handicraft, enlightened, forward-thinking, utopian, theoretical, practical, principled, brave, noble, constancy, perseverance, fluid, tolerance, utilitarian, communal, selfless, begrudging, concealing, distant, abstraction, aware of human flaws, misanthropists, impious, questions authority, arrogant, fearful, irritable, treacherous, deceitful, malicious, accusers.

Of the body lower legs, shins, legs, sinews.

Rulership

No Planet’s Exaltation

No Planet’s Fall

The Sun’s Detriment | The Sun’s loss of dignity in the sign of Aquarius suggests unfamiliarity with themes of impiousness, concealing, and abstraction.

Capricorn - Cold, Dry, Cardinal

Feminine • Nocturnal • Winter

Constructive, pragmatic, intellectual, persistence, firm, restrained, sure-footed, steadfast, discipline, self-reliant, useful, objectivity, uncompromsing, converservative, resistant, impatience, enterprising, high-climbing, ambitious, rigourous, demanding, sleepless, self-critical, self-effacing, fault-finding, downplays accomplishments, fears error, controlling, neurotic, pessimistic, unsynpathetic, serious, disappointment, distant, reserved, lonely, full of care, fond of laughter, fickle, mischevious, culpable, scapegoat.

Of the body, the knees and sinews.

Rulership

Mars’ Exaltation | Mars’ exaltation in Capricorn suggests themes of ambition, pragmatism, and restraint help Mars thrive.

Jupiter’s Fall & The Moon’s Detriment | Jupiter and the Moon’s loss of dignity in the sign of Capricorn suggests unfamiliarity with themes of disappointments, enterprising and self-critique.

Significations primarily sourced from Demetra George’s Ancient Astrology in Theory and Practice Volumes 1, Helena Avelar & Luis Ribeiro’s On the Heavenly Spheres, Christopher Renstrom's The Cosmic Calendar, and Roy Gillett's The Secret Language of Astrology.

Disclaimer: Please do not copy, redistribute, alter, or claim this text as your own...

[rhactividades]

EL CARNAVAL DE PRIMAVERA: CIERRE DE ACTIVIDAD.

Contra todo pronóstico, la celebración transcurrió sin sobresaltos. Las calles del centro de Lautersee brillaron con luces doradas hasta bien entrada la madrugada. El desfile principal, encabezado por bailarines vestidos de blanco y dorado, recorrió la avenida principal entre pétalos de flores y música acorde. Las carrozas, adornadas con motivos florales y símbolos antiguos, cruzaron la plaza principal como en tiempos mejores.

A las diez de la noche, los fuegos artificiales iluminaron el cielo como una promesa. Las cenizas cayeron como la última nieve, y el aroma a flores aún persistía en las plazas cuando todo concluyó.

Pero, obviamente, no todo estaba bien en Lautersee.

Las luces del carnaval no podían iluminar las sombras que se escondían detrás de los muros del Club. La sala de reuniones —esa sala privada forrada en madera oscura y alfombras persas, donde tantas decisiones habían dado forma al curso de generaciones—, La Sociedad se encontraba reunida. No todos, claro. Pero sí aquellos que alguna vez forjaron las reglas, y que ahora debatían sobre cómo sostener lo que se tambaleaba ante sus ojos.

Por primera vez en años, no hubo cortesías. No hubo saludos ni brindis. Solo miradas afiladas y posiciones claras. Lo que comenzó como una conversación privada se convirtió rápidamente en una confrontación.

—Esto es una injusticia, y lo saben —dijo William Thompson, rompiendo el silencio con su voz áspera y autoritaria—. Hyun Seok y Li Zhou no asesinaron a Astor.

—La evidencia es circunstancial —añadió Baek Jiwook, apoyando su bastón con fuerza en el suelo—. Y la respuesta ha sido desmedida. ¿Detenerlos así? ¿Con un informe policial lleno de huecos?

David Bauer asintió, sus dedos tamborileando suavemente sobre el apoyabrazos de su sillón. —Las familias Zhou, Seok, Yuh, Baek, Lindström… todas bajo sospecha, todas castigadas sin juicio alguno. ¿Desde cuándo permitimos que algo así suceda?

Karl Lindström bufó, cruzado de brazos. —Desde que algunos creen que es mejor sacrificar aliados para mantener el espectáculo. Astor está muerto, pero la verdadera tragedia es lo que están haciendo con el legado que construimos.

Henri Lemoine, más callado que de costumbre, dejó el vaso sobre la mesa con un leve clac. —Estamos jugando con fuego. Y en este juego, nadie es intocable.

Berat Volkan levantó la voz. —No olviden quiénes somos. No somos piezas. Somos quienes mueven el tablero. ¿Y ahora vamos a aceptar decisiones tomadas fuera de este círculo?

Kang Seojin miró alrededor con una expresión de desaprobación apenas disimulada. —Nuestros nombres están en boca de periodistas. Esto no es prudencia. Es una purga.

Johan Heijen, siempre contenido, dejó escapar una risa seca. —Y lo peor es que ni siquiera sabemos quién está detrás de todo esto. Ese sobre del laberinto, los mensajes. Nuestras familias corren un peligro real...

Del otro lado de la sala, la oposición ya no intentaba suavizar nada. Han Doyun, firme, replicó: —No hace falta saber quién lo hizo. Lo que sabemos es que la muerte de Astor desató algo más grande que no podemos controlar, y Hyun y Li estaban demasiado cerca del fuego.

—¿Y eso basta para declararlos culpables? —preguntó Edvard Ødegård, con una calma peligrosa.

—No son inocentes por cercanía —intervino Mehmet Özkurt, apoyándose en la lógica—. No cuando hay intereses ocultos, errores encubiertos, y cuando las consecuencias afectan a todos.

Nakamura Hiroshi añadió, sin levantar la voz: —La Sociedad sobrevive porque elimina sus debilidades. Si no lo hacemos nosotros, alguien más lo hará. Si se pierde el control, se pierde todo. Y en este momento, algunos aquí representan un riesgo.

—¿Riesgo o diferencia de opinión? —preguntó Giovanni Moretti, irónico.

—No hay espacio para las dos cosas —respondió Emilio Valente—. No cuando estamos en la mira del mundo.

La sala, lo que alguna vez fue un símbolo de unidad, parecía ahora el eco hueco de algo que se rompía con cada palabra. Los rostros conocidos se miraban como si ya no se reconocieran del todo. No quedaba lealtad. Solo estrategia. Solo intereses.

La Sociedad, por primera vez desde su fundación, no era un círculo cerrado ni un pacto secreto. Era un campo de batalla. Y lo más inquietante era que nadie parecía tener la intención de detener la guerra que se avecinaba.

¡Hola, cuervos! Con esto damos por finalizada la decima actividad del grupal. Esperamos que haya sido de su agrado y que hayan disfrutado de rolearla.

El carnaval terminó de la mejor manera, sin ninguna situación que escalara a algo grave. Lo único fuera de lo normal fueron los archivos que recibieron los personajes durante la intervención. Les recordamos que esta información solo la conocen ellos y los personajes con quienes hayan decidido compartirla. Hacemos una breve petición por aquí: sabemos que, en el mensaje de la intervención, el Búho los invita a hacer algo con los archivos. Sin embargo, les solicitamos que, por ahora, sus personajes no los hagan llegar a la prensa ni a la policía, por favor.

La conversación mencionada arriba no fue presenciada por ningún personaje. Se trata únicamente de una escena entre todos los fundadores/abuelos de La Sociedad.

Como puede notarse, comienzan a dividirse en sus opiniones y decisiones. Para darles más contexto al momento de rolear, les dejamos aquí una lista de los abuelos que consideran que Hyun Seok y Li Zhou son inocentes: William Thompson, Baek Jiwook, David Bauer, Henri Lemoine, Karl Lindström, Berat Volkan, Kang Seojin, Edvard Ødegård, Giovanni Moretti y Johan Heijen. Por otro lado, estos son los que creen que sí son culpables de la muerte de Astor: Han Doyun, Mehmet Özkurt, Nakamura Hiroshi, Francis Cox, Yuh Sanghoon, Emiliano Márquez, Rachit Chanthawong y Antonio Valente. Obviamente, sus personajes pueden tener opiniones distintas a las de su familia; no buscamos imponer ninguna postura.

Les daremos más información sobre las investigaciones y los arrestos con la nueva actividad. Pero, les adelantamos que las cuentas de las familias expuestas en San Valentín y de los dos detenidos (Seok y Zhou) han sido congeladas, por lo que no tienen acceso a estos recursos. Además, el time skip para la nueva actividad será de dos semanas, con la opción de que sus personajes hayan podido dejar Lautersee en ese periodo. Mencionamos esto por si desean crear headcanons relacionados con ese detalle.

Son libres de seguir respondiendo sus threads y utilizando los chats hasta que publiquemos la nueva actividad.

Cualquier duda o pregunta, nuestro buzón y chat privado por Discord están disponibles. ¡Gracias por su atención!

[fragmentosadolescentes]

Tu peor error fue dejarme sola, darte la vuelta e irte, muy probablemente pensando: "en unos días regreso, ella siempre está disponible para mí, me ama demasiado, solo basta tronar los dedos para que sea mía nuevamente"...

¡Qué idea más errónea!

Me permitiste volver a mí, me permitiste abrir mis horizontes, me devolviste la libertad...

Tu peor error fue creer que ignorándome caería en la desesperación, en la tristeza, en la locura, en la sumisión.

Pero fue al revés, cada vez que me hacías daño, iban disminuyendo mis lágrimas, cada alejamiento iba aminorando mi amor...

Me permitiste darme cuenta que soy demasiado buena para alguien como tú, demasiado mágica, demasiado sentimiento...

Tu peor error fue soltarme, desprenderme de ti cuando más te necesitaba, ser indiferente a mi corazón que latía por ti, porque me hiciste ver lo fuerte que soy, me hiciste ver que mi debilidad estaba escondida y que tengo una fuerza interior indestructible, que no necesito que tú me sostengas con tu frágil "te amo"...

Mi peor error, fue poner mis esperanzas en ti, permitir que me convencieras de que yo era culpable de todo, tratarte como un rey que se creyó su jerarquía y después me trató como una plebeya que debía servirle y obedecerle...

Mi mayor acierto es hoy que he despertado, agradezco la soledad que me hiciste sentir,

el dolor y la decepción, gracias a eso, descubrí la inmensa falta que me he hecho, ya no soy una princesa buena y abnegada ahora soy la bruja que aprendió a amarse.

Pura maldad ❄️