#estate listings

[eugeniedanglars]

BEYOND obsessed with this house in fort worth, texas i mean

okay pretty normal, let’s look at the interior photos—

WHAT THE FUCK

here we see the first example of a pattern that will recur throughout the house, which is that once your eyes adjust to the bonkers dictator chic marble-and-gilded-everything, you notice some pretty egregiously shoddy workmanship. look at how that baseboard intersects with the outlet. look at how the marble... uh, thing on the wall (i was gonna call it a fireplace but it’s not a fireplace, i have no idea what that is) has gaps and weird angles wherever two pieces meet. it’s like they’re trying to recreate versailles on an ikea budget

i... don’t hate the kitchen. i mean, obviously it’s ugly and #toomuch and there was zero effort made to match the very modern appliances and sink to the cabinets, but still, i’m a sucker for a pass-through and a big sink with a window above it.

this ceiling Fucks but the wrinkly, uneven curtains and terrible caulking around the faux-column in the middle anti-Fuck

why did we suddenly completely switch aesthetics. why is there an old TV set into the wall at floor level. why is there a tiny set of doors next to it. why does the fireplace look like an asset ripped from the original dark souls. i feel a sinister presence sucking at my soul the longer i look at this photo

i feel like whoever designed this monstrosity started with the dining room and then once they’d finished it realized they’d blown half their budget on just this one room. it’s so overdecorated that the gaudiness feels intentional, like it’s a statement rather than a side effect of genuine tastelessness. i can applaud that.

here we have the antithesis of the dining room. i don’t know what this room is supposed to be but i hate it. i’m pretty sure everything in this photo literally came from ikea. there is a lack of commitment here and it is rancid

ladies, gentlemen, distinguished colleagues, we have now hit the cornerstone of any great tacky real estate listing: the heart-shaped bathtub! this one gets bonus points for being next to a gilded mirror and surrounded by bright red damask wallpaper. as a bathtub i’d give it a 1/10 because those angles look incredibly uncomfortable, but as a place to shoot my lover through the heart while wearing a gauzy fur-trimmed bathrobe before fleeing with our ill-gotten fortune i’d give it a solid 11/10

here we are with the lack of commitment again. this literally looks like the kitchen in my college dorm but with a weird fringey lamp and some curtains that are absolutely too long for their windows

again, the mix of styles here is just killing me. half damask wallpaper and carved wall panels, half normal-ass bathroom? really? isn’t there anything truly unhinged left in this house? anything truly opulent, decadent, off the chain, extravagant, gaudy—

THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT BAY BEE!!! THAT’S MORE THE FUCK LIKE IT!!! COMMIT! TO! THE! BIT! GO BIG OR GO HOME! IF YOU’RE GONNA STICK A CEILING DOME IN THE FOYER OF YOUR SUBURBAN TEXAS HOUSE IT HAD BETTER BE TWELVE FEET IN DIAMETER AND PAINTED WITH DOZENS OF FLOWERS OR ELSE WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE EVEN DOING HERE??

and finally, to close out the show, a reminder that this entire acid trip of a real estate listing took place in an ordinary, modern single-story house in texas, one with a backyard and utility boxes on the exterior walls and neighbors who may be blissfully unaware that they live mere feet from a yawning pit of madness.

i love tacky real estate listings.

[pifhomes]

Severance Real Estate & Homes For Sale In Severance

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[idkhow-butyoufoundme]

͠°w ͡°

???

[coralparadisetidalwave]

Discover the latest property listings for sale or rent around Nigeria, provided by reputable landlords and agencies. We can help you sell your home.

[vivian-rutledge]

Daniel Brühl + 🌧️👓🤓 The Fifth Estate (2013)

[pastelshroomsbasement]

Had another idea for an au and it involves the family of my oc living and the father bringing his turned son to Kagaya for help.

Kazuki ends up opening up a Demon Rehabilitation Program (that Kanae will soon help him with afterwards) in the corps and well.. atleast demons are given the option for a second chance now!

[fresh-thomato]

GWHSHHSBSNNSNDNNDMKD

THI-THIS IS JUST HEAVY ANGST!!!

... I am unseeing this!!!

[larrylimericks]

7Jun22

Stunt-blue sweats and beanie of green, A disgruntled blueberry was seen “Househunting” with her— They need closets bigger For her merch and his queerness, it seems.

[socialistexan]

My girlfriend and I went to go look at a house in our price range (which is becoming rarer and rarer in the Austin-area) this past weekend, and there were three groups of people in line ahead of us to see it. 2 of those 3 groups were "real estate investors"

We didn't even bother looking at it after seeing that. I'm tracking just to see just how far above asking price it's going to go for.

[watcherscrown]

PLEASE look at the basement of this listing??? Most of the house is totally normal. Looks renovated in the 70's, and then minor updates from then on.

so far, so normal??

and then

basement water pit?? it's described in the listing as a "natural spring" and "pool". IDK IF I WOULD GO IN THERE?

[froody]

Avon Park, Florida (c. 1894)

[mlobsters]

this post got me wondering about the crest and found these pictures from the prop auction which made me laugh out loud. that snake is eating a dude!

The crest shows a snake devouring a man, flanked by lions on both sides and two ravens at the top.

pictures and description from listing here

[spielzeugkaiser]

I totally forgot that @whataboutthebard starts today!! (the passage of time?? It's September already? Sounds fake.)

And I haven't done anything yet, but I'm looking at the prompt list, like 👀

I also realized that I accidentally already did a LOT of the whump in the last few weeks (sorry Jaskier). But their prompts are just delicious. I won't participate every day, but since I'm picking and chosing; are there some prompts y'all want me to do?

[warlordfelwinter]

brain is just static today

[hometoursandotherstuff]

When you buy an old WWII bunker and do a terrible home conversion, then try to sell it for £275,000 ($388,185.87).

This is advertised as a detached home. Your living room decor includes genuine antique artifacts from the war. Hyacinth Bucket’s (Bouquet’s) Daddy would love this!

The two openings on the left are bedrooms. 

Is that a kitchen on the left?

It has 2 bedrooms, so I’m assuming that this is one of them. Black mold is included.

Modern toilet on boxes and a sink- no bathing facility, unless you count the hose. 

The drive- is that a shed? You could paint it like a Dalek.

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/108097586?fbclid=IwAR2Wn6KcjBUMfK5Bd_xmYffX8ocTAMbg1ljsfd8pzq4Jypr_g7cZMgC0p7U#/floorplan?activePlan=1

[joebryantphotographer]

LISTED FOR $15,949,000 This one was fun to shoot! 😍 📸 @joebryant.co 📸 @joebryant.co 📍 Calabasas, CA 💰 $15,949,000 🏠 6 Beds • 8 Baths • 12,911sqft ✉️ @aaronkirman @akg.re #photographer #architecturephotography #luxurylifestyle #luxury #lamborghini #exoticcars #estate #calabasas #photography #millionaire #milliondollarlisting #millionairemindset #millionairelifestyle #photographylovers #photoofday #luxuryrealestate #realestate #listed (at Calabasas, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cb0lp-ePA8i/?utm_medium=tumblr