#eta quote

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

You know what? I was writing something with character death anyway.

[starseedsrise]

In a world that pressures us to identify who we are before we have lived enough to know, better we allow ourselves to befriend our confusion until it clarifies... Society may be in a hurry, but the soul prefers to take its own sweet time... (-an excerpt from my book, ‘Soulshaping’)

- Jeff Brown

[delicatebluebirdruins]

Ethan's Diary

February 6th, 2021 Mia and I had another fight. I accidentally mentioned what happened there three years ago and she blew up at me. We finally settled down in our new life in Europe and can bring Rose up properly. But... I still feel like a part of me is trapped in that hell hole back in Louisiana.

I know Mia doesn't like to talk about it, but can we really just forget everything and pretend it didn't happen? Shouldn't we face what happened there so we can live our lives with Rose without it hanging over our heads? We owe her that much at least... I know Mia knows this too. She wouldn't have exploded like that at the hospital if she didn't care.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

emphasis mine: Mia feels a tremendous level of guilt for a) joining the connections b) starting with Evie at what ever point she did c) letting Evie get away whilst getting Alan away from when the incident took place d) trying to keep Ethan away but failing i have already said why the message wouldn't have fucking gone through and that is because storm and evie made her lose a door idk what to tell you e) Ethan gets hurt by her first of all under the influence of Evie

Mia in the bakers incident report (obligitory it should have been part of basic game and it should have had a moment of BSAA confirming they got all information about the connections she could give them) says she wants "to forget everything"

its normal to shy away from something painful, she spent 3 years in padded cell thinking of everything (when not in Evie La La Land). there is also a element of how her mold infection affected her after being treated by the BSAA. I got asked by @mushroomwithsomeink some time ago if Mia has abanonment issues and to an extent she does (the answer was not very good). Mia was part of a hive mind for years she knew where Jack was and was probably aware of everything else happening around her (all because of her not being able to convince Evie to stop or have the guts to break out the murder kit). The thought that the BSAA apparently let them live but without setting them up with therapists? (though the BSAA are the same people who let Chris still recovering from amnesia and binge drinking into the field- also plugging the fanfic catch me floating circles in fish bowl)

random thing as I was tying "forget everything" I had a thought about Riley Flynn from Midnight Mass (and ended up looking for quotes from the show and interesting ones will be under the read more- give them a look and see why i thought of Mia when i reread these)

Both Mia and Ethan have CPTSD I have no real thoughts what i shared is honestly explanation enough

from the NHS website

Complex PTSD - Post-traumatic stress disorder

You may have complex post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) if you have some of the symptoms of PTSD, and also have problems with managing your emotions and having relationships.

Symptoms of complex PTSD

The symptoms of complex PTSD are similar to symptoms of PTSD, but may also include:

feelings of worthlessness, shame and guilt

problems controlling your emotions

finding it hard to feel connected with other people

relationship problems, like having trouble keeping friends and partners

Causes of complex PTSD

Complex PTSD may be caused by experiencing recurring or long-term traumatic events, for example:

childhood abuse or neglect; domestic violence; sexual abuse

torture, sex trafficking, or slavery; war

You may also be more likely to develop complex PTSD if:

you experienced trauma at a young age

you were harmed by someone close to you who you trusted

you were unable to escape the trauma

treatment for PTSD and CPTSD is hard and when the other person your primary support is also dealing with it? that is even worse honestly there is a thing called secondary trauma

from mind: 'Secondary' means that although the original (primary) trauma happened to someone else, the impact it's having in your life is traumatic for you. It doesn't mean it's any less significant than any other kind of PTSD, or any easier to deal with. Our page for friends and family has some tips on looking after yourself.

both Mia and Ethan are dealing with the primary trauma from the baker estates and secondary trauma from each other

from PTSD UK

"Anyone who cares for a person living with PTSD can reduce the impact secondary trauma has on them if they carefully approach the situation. The first step is to learn the signs of secondary trauma:

– Emotional exhaustion – Increasingly negative perception of self – Depression – Anxiety – Difficulty eating or sleeping – Feelings of hopelessness"

ETA1 Speaking about it would be a way to make it all real again to acknowledge this horrible shit that Mia is partially responsible for (i know its not part of RE universe but the fic bruise won't heal the stain stays put from the numbers show is pretty much the thought i had with this addition for sure)

Riley: I don't know. That's kind of the whole thing. I don't know. I have no idea. I mean, in prison, it was easy. I had things to do, you know? Count the days. Count down the sentence. Eat, sleep, read. It's all pretty spelled out for you. Regimented. But here? Here I have nothing. What, am I going to get a job? Go to school? I have no money, no prospects. I just exist now. That's it. I have absolutely no purpose at all. I'm just sitting in my parents' house, breathing, and serving no purpose to anyone whatsoever. I'm just living. [long pause] And that's the worst part. Because I shouldn't be alive, Erin. So I don't know. What do I do here? I eat. Sleep. Shit. I don't know. Walk home now, eat dinner, wait out this fucking storm.

-i think the debrief and everything directly after might have been anywhere between six months and a year for Ethan and Mia

Riley: No, alcohol isn't good or bad. But the version of me that would come out when I had enough to drink, he was bad. He was selfish and careless and he ruined my life. There is a saboteur inside of me, and I always thought, you know, we'd work it out. We'd learn to live with each other, because he wouldn't really hurt me. Not me. I fed him, so he wouldn't hurt me. And then one morning I woke up and found out he killed someone. I had killed someone. So who's to blame there? I am to blame there. And God? He just kind of let it happen, didn't he? See, that's the part I cannot square. Because you're right, there is so much suffering in the world. So much. And then there's this higher power. This higher power who could erase all that pain, just wave his hand and make it all go away, but doesn't? No. No thank you. The worst part is that it lets all the rest of us off the hook. We can watch so many people just slip into these bottomless pits of awful and we can stand it. We can tolerate it because we say things like, "God works in mysterious ways." Like there's a plan? Like something good's going to come out of it? Nothing good came out of my drinking. Nothing good came out of me killing that poor girl. Nothing good came out of Joe Collie's drinking. And not a single good thing comes out of Leeza never being able to walk again. Nothing good came out of a metric ton of crude oil filling up the bay. And the only thing, the only fucking things that lets people stand by, watching all this suffering, doing nothing, doing fucking nothing, is the idea that suffering can be a gift from God. What a monstrous idea, Father.

"No Pain. No Memory, No Awareness That I Ever Was. That I Ever Hurt Someone."

eta 1 I mentioned their fics in this post so it makes sense in my head to plug them @screechthemighty @talistheintrovert

[theradicalace]

spongebob quotes are the lazy man’s art prompt

[pagesofkenna]

remember that, like, six-month period of time when tumblr was really into hyperspecific hyperbolic feelings-about-characters descriptions, like 'i want to carry them in my handbag like a tiny dog' or 'i want to tuck them into bed and read them a bedtime story' or whatever?

in the middle of that i did a character opinions meme thing and calyx asked about big barry syx, about whom i wrote the words "i would be the friendly tavern innkeep who gives discounts on food and ale to their favorite patrons to his rugged fantasy adventurer trope, if you know what i mean'

i think about that occasionally because i want to talk like that all the time. i worry no one will know what i mean. it's such a specific collection of feelings/opinions that i dont know how to process/express and moving them to that hyperspecific hyperbolic description just works in a way thats so fun

[flavia8]

Character A: I feel like doing something stupid ;)

Character B: Oh good! You'll leave me alone then :)

[readtilyoudie]

what Hoffmann keeps insisting in all his fairy tales and fantasies is that, if adults do not nourish the imagination in their children, the children will lose sight of their potential, and their imagination will take its revenge later by abandoning them in a banal, lifeless world. 

Nutcracker and Mouse King and The Tale of the Nutcracker by E.T.A. Hoffmann

[ashleybenlove]

Hang on, I have to check the transcript for Tone Death

So, Minden, just before she kisses Snotlout says the thing he said to her was "honest, sincere" and in Tone Death when Snotlout is trying to get Hiccup to talk him up to Heather, is told that Heather is "far too, uh, sincere, honest, brave." and Snotlout's like, yeah, I can fake those things.

[points at this episode]

Snotlout's character development in RTTE is impeccable.

[captainofthetidesbreath]

I'm so mad whenever I go to a show, and I immediately forget the nice turns of phrase in it that I really liked.

[ithinkwehitametaphor]

"[...] was denn das für ein Mann sei, der Sandmann? »Ei Thanelchen«, erwiderte diese, »weißt du das noch nicht? Das ist ein böser Mann, der kommt zu den Kindern, wenn sie nicht zu Bett gehen wollen und wirft ihnen Händevoll Sand in die Augen, daß sie blutig zum Kopf herausspringen, die wirft er dann in den Sack und trägt sie in den Halbmond zur Atzung für seine Kinderchen; die sitzen dort im Nest und haben krumme Schnäbel, wie die Eulen, damit picken sie der unartigen Menschenkindlein Augen auf.«"

"Mir war es als würden Menschengesichter ringsumher sichtbar, aber ohne Augen – scheußliche, tiefe schwarze Höhlen statt ihrer. »Augen her, Augen her!« rief Coppelius mit dumpfer dröhnender Stimme."

Der Sandmann - E.T.A. Hoffmann

(transl. under the cut)

"Full of curiosity to hear more of this Sandman, and his particular connection with children, I at last asked the old woman who tended my youngest sister what sort of man he was. “Eh, Natty,” said she, “do you not know that yet? He is a wicked man, who comes to children when they will not go to bed, and throws a handful of sand into their eyes, so that they start out bleeding from their heads. These eyes he puts in a bag and carries them to the half-moon to feed his own children, who sit in the nest up yonder, and have crooked beaks like owls with which they may pick up the eyes of the naughty human children.”

"It seemed to me, as if I saw human faces around without any eyes–but with deep holes instead. “Eyes here, eyes!” said Coppelius in a dull roaring voice."

The Sandman - E.T.A. Hoffmann

[stoppit-keepout]

an elf, a decrepit 35-year-old man, and a possessed boy~

i’m relistening to the LegendLark side campaign (only 6 episodes!) called Dame-geon Dive and I just… am overcome with joy. i am love them.

in the first episode, one player claims that their char is named “Eli” which is short for “Elias Wentel.” Elias Wentel has a ward, Mickey, an average almost-human ten-year-old boy who AGGRESSIVELY refers to his mentor as “Mr. Wentel.”

Less than 30 minutes into episode 1, every soul on that podcast has started calling him Mr. Wentel, almost exclusively

About Mr. Wentel: “You’re a creaky old man who’s been hiking through the rainforest for a mon–” “I’m thirty-five.”

Talks like a carnival barker??

Keeps talking about what a fantastic apprentice Mickey is, how awful it’d be to part with him, but you know, if you’re interested… I’m just saying going by first impressions, it seems like you really hit it off, he’d be wonderful to adopt.

[leaves a ring in a statue’s hands ] “That statue’s got acid reflux now. :) “

About Mickey: “Sometimes Mr. Wentel says those gloves are the reason I’m sticking around, because they attract cursed objects!”

Talks like Mickey Mouse, hoho!

Says fun things like, “Can I call you ‘Dad’?” (“No, don’t do that.”).

Loves to touch things he oughtn’t touch and might have a best friend who might be an evil spirit possessing him, don’t worry about it.

About the final PC, just named The Seeker: “oh, how terrible!” [player clarifies] she’s smiling really wide.

Speaks with a glamorous mid-Atlantic accent~

When the ten-year-old child gets grabbed by mimics says fun things like, “Sticky fingers, haha, I say!”

“Oh, you look ridiculous, both of you!” (”I thought I looked cool.”) “No… :) ”

[meduseld]

There’s a Fall Out Boy line I think about a lot, “you are what you love not who loves you” and while I get they’re probably thinking of fans and fame and such.... I don’t think those are actually separate things.

A lot of the things I love, I love because someone who loves me held my hand and led me to them. My grandmas who both took me to movies and opera and showed me their faves. My brother who showed me music and grindhouse cinema. My dad who always listened to what I had passion for and dug up fun facts to fuel it. My mom who didn’t just give me books but taught me to be able to discuss them and how fun that is.

A lot of the things I love are tied forever to the ones who love me. That’s what I am.

[desdasiwrites]

– E.T.A. Hoffmann, The Nutcracker and The Mouse King

[thirstghosting]

cool cool cool so he seems to be responding to the reality that im actively trying to be ...less reactive when experiencing abandonment feelings. and in turn he's intentionally acting less avoidant

wow, not reacting. that really is the kill move huh

[readtilyoudie]

Is this why his tale, transformed into a ballet, mediated by Dumas, Tchaikovsky’s music, and the choreography of numerous artists, has become so mythic and captivating? Does the enchantment of the ballet have something to do with the liberation of our imaginations and our nostalgia for a time when we perceived everything around us and in us as alive?

Nutcracker and Mouse King and The Tale of the Nutcracker by E.T.A. Hoffmann