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riboism · 2 years

Text

man who can’t be moved

》 pairing: j.yh x f!reader

》 genre: angst, smut, some fluff

》 content: college student!reader, college student! yunho, no strings attached, hookups, reader is kind of a player, some mentions of reader’s ex (it didn’t end well), lots of denial, lots of emotions, big dick yunho, creampie, clit play, angry sex, am i missing anything?

》 wc: 6.4k

》 a/n: thank you to the person who requested this! this got me out of my writers block. I hope you like it :)

♫ playlist: flook- hector gachan, evergreen- omar apollo, frío- omar apollo, broken love- gemini, man who can’t be moved- the script

Yunho stood outside your apartment door, holding onto a box that contained your possessions. He could smell the rosy scent of the shampoo that you left in his shower. He had spent all morning collecting your belongings into this box, proud that he finally made an effort to be rid of you once and for all. But that rosy smell, that same scent that he’d wake up to after you spent the night was making him second guess himself. No, stop it, he said to himself. Just stick to the plan Yunho.

The plan was simple. Yunho would go to your apartment after work and knock on your door, fully aware that you probably weren’t home. You were most likely at San’s or Yeosang’s place right now, getting shit-faced drunk and having sweaty sex on their beat-up couches, head too fuzzy in bliss to even spare a single thought about him. But he thought he would knock anyway, just as a courtesy. He’d wait for ten seconds, and when you don’t answer, he’d shrug in a “welp, I tried” kind of way before placing the box on your doorstep. He’ll take a deep breath while looking at your door that he knew all too well one last time and then head towards the stairwell exit, with his head held high, showing no intention of turning back.

Yunho was partly to blame for the way things ended, and he knew that. You made yourself very clear in the beginning. “Listen Yunho, you’re really sweet,” You said after he confessed to you all those months ago at the campus library where you two first met, “But I’m not looking for anything serious. I don’t really do relationships. You get what I mean?”

He knew exactly what you meant. ‘Dating’ was an ancient term. Nobody ‘dated’ anymore. What replaced this archaic social practice were one-night stands, situation-ships, friends with benefits, hookups, etc. No one wanted a ‘serious’ relationship anymore because that meant having to give your mind, body, and soul to someone, and why bother with all that when you can just give them one of the three?

Even though most of his peers shared the same sentiment as you when it came to relationships, Yunho didn’t agree with it at all. Maybe he was old-fashioned for wanting something more than a quick fuck. Looking back on it now, he regretted not taking the hint. It was evident that you wanted a guy you could fool around with when you were bored, someone who’s emotionally unavailable so you don’t have to worry about attachments and sudden ‘L’ bombs when you’re just trying to get your fix. But Yunho, who was so pathetically infatuated with you at the time, so much so that it blocked away all rational thinking, decided that he’ll be whatever kind of guy you wanted him to be if it meant that he could be with you. The foolish romantic was now part of a no strings attached relationship.

He felt incredibly stupid for getting involved with you. What did he expect? That after all the mindless sex, you’d fall as hard for him as he did for you, and finally agree to be his girlfriend? He had so much to learn. No strings attached meant no strings attached. That meant less conversation and more action. Less getting to know each other and more getting to know about what was in between your legs. It meant no longing stares, although he was guilty of watching you sleep in his arms from time to time. It also meant being okay with the fact that he was not the only guy you were seeing. And that’s when the fights would ensue.

“Who was that guy?” Yunho demanded, making sure to use his quiet-yelling voice out of respect for the other patrons of the library. He was referring to the pale, blonde-haired guy from the dining hall earlier. He didn’t like how close he was standing next to you. He especially didn’t like it when he leaned in to whisper in your ear, or how you giggled when he placed his hands over your waist and how you rubbed your hands over his flexed muscles. You chewed on your gum, tracing your fingers over the etched golden text on the book spines on the historical fiction shelf. You almost didn’t hear him at first, too preoccupied with finding your next bedtime read.

“Hmm? Oh, that guy? Just someone I’ve been seeing. Why, you jealous?”

It was a joke. There was no such thing as ‘jealousy’ in a no strings attached relationship. You smiled up at him, expecting to see him roll his eyes from your playful jab, but instead, he looked away from you. Even with his side profile facing you, you could read the tinge of irritation on his face. You frowned.

“Oh come on Pookie,” You pouted, squeezing his cheeks and turning his head to face you. You chuckled after seeing his lips puckered up like a fish. “Don’t be like that. Come on, I can’t be the only girl you’re seeing, right?”

He placed his hand on your wrist and pulled you off him. “Whatever.” He moped. He watched as your eyes widened in sudden realization.

“No…” You gasped dramatically, bringing your hand up to cover your mouth. “I’m the only one you’ve been seeing?”

He stayed quiet, not understanding why you worded it that way. Was it really a bad thing that you were the only girl on his mind?

“Oh god, you’re so cute!” You tittered. “I thought with a dick like yours, you’d be very popular. It’s a shame you’re not sharing it. I know a lot of girls who would love to take you out for a spin.”

“Keep your voice down.” Yunho hissed, looking around to see if anyone heard your distasteful choice of words. Luckily, no one was around at your corner of the library. “And stop talking like that. I don’t like it when you talk about me like that.”

“It was a compliment!” You defended yourself. Yunho refused to meet your eyes, busying himself with pulling out random books and reading the blurbs on the backside, although he was too upset to even acknowledge what he was reading. You sighed again, feeling a little bad for making him so upset. You’d often forget that Yunho was more sensitive than your other partners and that he needed extra kindness and assurance. You wrapped your arms around his big body and rested your cheek against his back.

“Okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to tease you so much.” He stayed quiet, putting back the book and pulling out another. “Please don’t be mad.” You begged.

“I’m not mad,” He murmured. “I just thought…I don’t know, I thought I was the only guy you were seeing.”

“Does it bother you that you’re not?” You questioned, letting go of him. Yunho looked back at you, his chest tightening at your furrowed brows. He worried that he said the wrong thing again. He was new to the no strings attached community, and would often let his possessiveness and sensitivity peek through.

“No,” He lied. “I just…Forget it.”

You mulled over his response, trying hard to understand why he was so upset, to begin with. Your silence made Yunho nervous. Everything about you made him nervous.

Then, your eyes sparked when you finally understood. “Ohh…I get it.” You nodded.

His shoulders tensed up. “You do?”

“Yes, and you have nothing to worry about. Out of everyone, you’re my favorite.” You stood on your tippy toes and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, satisfied that you solved the puzzle and were able to calm his nerves.

Yunho gave you a shy smile. He didn’t want to smile, but he figured it was best to do so, so that you could believe that he was lashing out over the fear of being replaced, and not because he didn’t wish to share you with other guys.

You continued on. “You worried me for a second. I thought you were one of those guys that don’t like it when a girl has a mind of her own.”

“No,” he chuckled nervously, “No, I don’t mind that at all.”

“Good,” you chirped, going back to your search. “You wouldn’t believe some of the guys I’ve been with. They get so clingy, and it gets annoying after a while. I’m glad you’re not like that. Other guys…they don’t get it. We’re young. It’s better we have fun while we can, or else we’ll live to regret it when we’re old and wrinkly and can’t get any.”

Yunho hummed in agreement, although he didn’t agree with you at all. He thought about his grandparents. They lived in a small apartment just outside of the city. His parents would complain about how small their living space was, and offered to help them move into a more spacious apartment, but his grandparents always refused. “If we move into a bigger apartment, we won’t be able to see each other. This size is perfect,” His grandmother would say, “I turn around and he’s right behind me. It’s how it should be. Anything farther, and we’d miss each other too much.”

It always warmed his heart just how inseparable those two were, even in their old age. He wanted that for himself one day. How wonderful would it be to grow old with the person you love most?

Later that night, while you were showering, he remained in your bed, thinking about what you said earlier. Was he really your favorite? Did you really like him more than the other guys you were seeing? Or was his dick just bigger than theirs? He tried not to think about that too much and focused on going to sleep.

And when it wasn’t him being upset with you, it was you getting annoyed with him.

“Do you really have to go?” Yunho whined. He was sitting up on his bed, watching you as you shuffled around his room, bending down to pick up the discarded pieces of clothing.

“I already told San I’d meet up with him later.” You huffed as you shimmied into your jeans. Yunho didn’t like how quickly you were getting dressed. It was as if you were eager to get away from him.

“San?” He scoffed. “You mean that bartender that kept eye fucking you right in front of me?”

Yunho remembered San. A lot of the girls from your University frequented that bar on the corner of Main Street, hoping to get served by the handsome devil in all black. He’s seen a lot of the girls write their phone numbers on the twenty-dollar bills they tipped him with. It was ridiculous. Everything about him was ridiculous, from the cheap hair gel he used to slick back his hair, to his sleazy smile, along with his overly tight t-shirts and shiny black leather pants. But he didn’t mind him too much, not until that night when you two went in for a drink, and the so-called ‘handsome devil in all black’ ruthlessly flirted with you when he was clearly sitting right next to you with his hand on your thigh to mark that you were taken. Yunho didn’t know what angered him more. San’s shit-eating grin or the fact that you let him flirt with you in the first place.

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, that guy.” You really didn’t like it when he got emotional, and Yunho could sense your discomfort. He immediately regretted what he said and grabbed you by your arm before you could leave, pleading to you with his eyes.

“I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to upset you. But can’t you just stay a little longer? It’s already so late. I thought you could spend the night. We could rent a movie?” He offered.

You picked up your jacket and purse, not even bothering to put them on before you left. “Look, I’ll call you okay?” You pressed a quick kiss to his lips and then went out the door before he could protest again. Yunho slumped back against the headboard, the sound of the door slamming behind you echoing in his head. How do you keep letting this happen, Yunho? She comes and goes, that’s what she does. She’s not here to hold hands and watch a fucking movie. She wants to fuck and then move on to the next guy. Seriously, do you have any respect for yourself?

And that’s how the cycle would begin. Yunho would get tired of you and your bullshit, tired of being discarded right after helping you cum, tired of driving himself mad over who you were seeing and what you were doing with him, just tired of being an option. It wasn’t him. He wanted you and your full devotion, and when he finally realized that there was no way you would give that to him, he’d call it off.

The first few weeks of being free from you would go well. He’d be at peace like he got rid of a bad cold and could finally breathe again. But that small period of relief wouldn’t last very long. Truth was, Yunho wasn’t good at being alone. And soon, he’d miss your touch, your smell, and hearing your laugh. He’d miss the moments he spent with you in the library, like when you two would play footsies under the table during your late-night midterm study sessions, or the times you two would fight for the aux cord in his car, eager to show each other new songs you were obsessing over at the moment. He’d find himself listening to the songs you showed him, but they didn’t sound the same anymore.

He’d miss hearing you talk about your day or your thoughts about rent control and the current economic crisis. And then he’d miss the nights he spent with you, how your body reacted to his fingertips, the way you’d press your eyes shut when he entered you, and the pretty sounds you let out when you were close to your peak. And then he’d think about that one night you showed up at his apartment, unannounced. You were upset, it was telling from your reddened lips and tear-stained cheeks. You wouldn’t say why you were upset, and after asking a couple of times, Yunho decided to just let leave you be. He then invited you in and let you lead the way to his bed. It started the way any other night started, with you two hungrily ripping each other’s clothing off, but before he could spread your legs, you suddenly pressed your hand to his chest and asked him to stop. “No, not like this…Can we-” You looked away from his piercing gaze, a rush of frustration and confusion coursing through your stomach until you finally spit the words out. “Can we just lay here?”

Yunho looked down at you with sincerity in his eyes, and he wanted to ask you one more time what was wrong. But seeing you so hurt, so tired, so in need of someone to just hold you while you cried, he decided to hold his tongue. He pulled you into his arms without question, letting you wet his chest with your spilled tears. And when he felt goosebumps prickle up on your skin, he covered both your naked bodies with a blanket and held you tighter. You finally fell asleep, your worries being absorbed by Yunho and his warm embrace, and Yunho couldn’t help but feel a little enraptured watching you sleep so peacefully in his arms. He’s had you in every way, in every position, seen every crevice of your beautiful body, but this. This is what he wanted most in the world. This is how he wanted you. And he hoped that by the next morning, that’s how you’d want him too. But when morning came, Yunho woke up alone, with nothing but the faint smell of roses on his pillowcase. When he asked you about it later that day on campus, you suddenly went cold and demanded he never bring it up again.

He thought about that night, your body, those Omar Apollo songs you showed him, the library study sessions, just every single moment that he’s ever spent with you, driving himself mad to the point where the desire for you would be overwhelming and too strong to ignore and he’d ultimately give in and crawl back into bed with you, allowing you to use him as you wanted, feeling again like a dog on your leash. It would feel good for a bit, until those same old feelings resurfaced and he’d call it off once again, repeating the never-ending cycle of your no strings attached relationship.

But this time, things were going to be different. He wasn’t going to continue this cycle. You weren’t good for him, and it was time he let go and move on. That’s why he packed all your stuff and came to drop them off. It was official. There was no going back from this. All he had to do now was stick to the plan.

Yunho shifted the box to his side and used his free hand to knock on the door. He took a deep breath and counted in his head.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five-

The door swung open, interrupting his counting. You stood at the door frame in nothing but your bathrobe, your wet hair dripping puddles around your feet. Yunho was at a loss for words. This wasn’t part of the plan. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t prepare for this. He didn’t, sorry, couldn’t see you, because it would just make things harder. It was like flaunting a cigarette in front of someone who just quit smoking. He wasn’t strong enough to resist you. He was addicted to you and he worried that he would relapse again.

“Oh, Yunho.” You acknowledged, crossing your arms over your chest. He held onto the box tighter, feeling himself twitch from the sound of you calling his name. You peered into the box, recognizing the articles of clothing and personal hygiene products. “Is that my stuff?”

Yunho struggled at first, forgetting for a moment how to speak coherently. “Uh- yes, it is. I came to drop them off. Here.” He blubbered, pushing the box towards you. You took it from his hands, not expecting it to be so heavy. You didn’t realize you left so many things at his place.

“Oh. Thanks.”

A silence weighed in between you, both of you looking at each other awkwardly, unsure of what to say next. Right, Yunho thought to himself, there’s nothing left to say. You did your part, now walk right out.

“Well, I should head back. Goodnight, Y/N.”

Yunho turned on his heel and made his way out of the long corridor. Part of him didn’t want to reach the end of the hall, but he pushed himself anyway, reminding himself over and over to not look back. As painful as it was, it needed to happen. It was for the best.

“Wait,” You called after him.

And just like that, Yunho immediately stopped in his tracks, not hesitating this time to turn around. It almost brought him some relief, like he had been holding his breath for too long, and now you finally gave him permission to exhale. “Yes?” He beamed.

You stepped out from the door frame and into the hall so you were right across from where Yunho stood. “Do you want to come in?”

“What?” He asked, dumbfounded, almost believing that he must have heard you wrong.

“I mean, your stuff,” You clarified, “I still have some of your stuff in my apartment if you wanted to come in and grab them.” It was kind of pathetic, the way you tripped over your words, but you couldn’t bare saying goodbye just yet. No, you’re not catching feelings, you assured yourself. You just wanted him around you for a little bit longer. Maybe it was selfish of you to keep pulling on his leash like this, but for the moment, you didn’t care.

“Oh, right. That would be great, actually.”

Yunho knew he would hate himself for letting this happen. All that progress getting chucked out the window on account of his lack of self-control. But how could you blame him? With the way your damp strands curled around your flushed cheeks, the smell of your rosy shampoo that had been seared into his nostrils by now, and the fact that all he had to do was undue your robe to see your beautiful glistening body that was so ready for him to take. It was all so easy. You handed him the apple and all he had to do was take a bite.

“Fuck, Yunho!” You cried out, grasping his bare back for dear life as he frantically thrust into you. He was angry, angry at himself that he let this happen again, and angry at you for making him so weak. He only put just the tip in, but you could’ve sworn you were seeing stars from the stretch alone.

“Unbelievable,” He grunted. “Even after the hundred times we fucked, your little pussy still can’t take my cock?”

You’d never seen this side of Yunho. Usually, he was nice and gentle with you, always studying the arch of your brows to see if he was taking things too far or not. It was sweet at first, but sometimes you’d wish he’d just take you and fuck you like an animal. It seemed your wish was finally granted. “P-Please! All of it, I want all of it Yunho, please!” Was all you could muster out.

He pulled out of you in an instant, and before you could whine, he forcibly flipped you over and pulled you back by your hips until your ass smacked into his pelvis. Yunho kept you down with his hand pressed against the space between your shoulder blades as he lined himself up with your aching center.

Yunho rubbed himself against your slick folds, occasionally slapping his tip over your swollen clit, making your hips jolt with anticipation. “You want it all? ‘Guess those other guys don’t fill you up as much as you want, huh? Poor thing.” He continued dragging his cock over your folds, your soft whimpers only feeding into his ego.

Just when he thought you had enough, he guided his cock into your hole, the stretch forcing you to tear up once again. You grasped at your bed sheets and pressed your eyes shut, preparing yourself for the rest of him as your lips coated in salty tears.

He pushed the rest of him into you with a struggle, his hips stagnant as he waited for you to adjust to his size. “Fuck!” You gasped, your voice cracking as he started up again. Each thrust was deep, calculated, and they didn’t fail to rip a moan out of you.

His fingers, now coated with your essence, tweaked and twisted at your clit. It was all too much for you, really, the sheer length of him plowing into your walls, the brutal pace he set on account of his anger, along with the way he toyed at your clit. Yunho could sense you were close, having known your body long enough to know when you were about to be sent over the edge. He stopped teasing your bud and instead slipped his fingers past your lips and you readily let him in, swirling your tongue around his digits to clean yourself off him. He grinned to himself, pleased to see that you knew exactly what to do without any instruction.

Suddenly, he pulled his fingers out from you and cupped your jaw with his large hand, pulling you back until your head was against his chest, keeping your face there so you were forced to look up at him. He peered down at you with his full attention, completely engrossed by just how pretty and sinful you looked in this position. “Stay like that,” He breathed “‘wanna see you when you cum all over my cock.”

He came first, your orgasm approaching soon after. You babbled incoherently as his cum flooded your walls, forcing your eyes to roll to the back of your head. Yunho was completely enamored with you like this, your parted and swollen lips and your half-lidded eyelids almost making him shoot a second load into you. He disconnected from you and you fell forward onto the bed, catching your breath as you came down from your high. You felt dizzy and sweaty, and your head was so cloudy that you were unable to form a thought that wasn’t already so scrambled. As you relaxed, you felt Yunho’s breath over your hip right before he planted soft kisses on your lower back all the way up to your shoulder. His kisses were sweet and careful, almost like he was making up for being so rough with you. Soon enough, he retired from your shoulder and moved on to the side of your face, brushing his pillowy lips on your temple, to your wet eyes, to your cheek, until you craned your neck back and allowed him to meet your lips.

It was almost foreign to you, to have someone care this deeply for you even after the act. None of your other partners behaved this way, and you were lucky if they even remembered to toss you a towel. But Yunho, he was different. He treated you as something more, and maybe it made you feel bad that you didn’t do the same for him. It was overwhelming, his soft kisses, his careful touches, the way he’d beg you to stay over, and the way he almost looked hurt when you say you can’t. Poor Yunho. He was in love with you, and you knew it. You hated yourself for toying with a man with good intentions. But what was the alternative? You couldn’t be his, and he couldn’t be yours. You made a promise to yourself years ago that you’d never be foolish enough to fall in love ever again. This had to stop, you should’ve stopped it months ago, but you were selfish. And lonely. The guilt you’ve been bottling up inside of you was too much to handle, and you knew you had to do something before you exploded.

Feeling disgusted with yourself, you pulled away from his lips. Yunho raised a brow at the sudden gesture. “What’s wrong?” He asked, his slightly concerned tone making your heart shatter into pieces.

“You should get going. It’s late.” You got up, forcing Yunho to pull off of you. He watched you as you went over to your dresser to pull out a fresh pair of pajamas, completely dumbfounded by your sudden coldness.

“Are you fucking serious?” He scoffed.

You shook your head, picking up his t-shirt that lay on the floor and tossing it over to him. His eyes flickered in anger and he threw his shirt back on the ground. “I don’t understand, why do you always do this!?”

You stayed quiet, quickly covering yourself before turning around to face him, keeping your eyes low, feeling too ashamed to meet his. “I’m sorry, but I need you to go.”

Yunho clenched his jaw. How could you be so cold? How could you invite him in, only to toss him out so abruptly? He thought about how you melted right into his embrace, how you kissed him back with the same amount of passion that he kissed you with. Was any of it real? Or was he too infatuated to notice that you were playing him, again?

“Why? Is Yeosang coming over? Do you really think that guy cares about you?”

You balled your fists up at the mention of Yeosang. “Stop.” You warned.

“And San? He’d fuck anything with two legs and a heartbeat. Is that what you want?”

“Yes, Yunho, that’s exactly what I want!” You snapped. A silence weighed in before Yunho’s lips curled up in an unexpected smile.

“What?” You teethed.

He shook his head in disbelief. “You don’t know what you want. That’s why you keep coming back to me.”

“Me?” You pointed to yourself, a crooked smile now spread across your lips. “No, it’s you that keeps coming back to me.” You jeered.

“And you let me! Why do you let me!? Time after time, you take me back without question, why?”

You crossed your arms and looked away from his direction. You felt hot, like the blood in your veins was boiling. You didn’t want to deal with this. You felt stupid for letting him in. Yunho always had questions, so many questions, and you couldn’t give him any answers. Fed up with your silence, Yunho got up and walked towards you, almost closing the gap between you two. You still didn’t look at him.

“And that night. Why did you come to me? Why didn’t you go to your other boyfriends? You were so different. Why did you act like it never happened the next day?”

Your breath hitched in your throat. Your expression softened remembering that night. It was so cold and rainy that night, and Yunho felt so warm. He made you feel so loved, so cared for, and for once you felt like you deserved someone like him. But the morning sun gave you some clarity, and you were reminded once again of what happens when you fully give your heart to someone. Yunho didn’t see it now, but he’ll understand it one day. Love is a wasted emotion. It gives and gives, until one day it takes everything back from you, and more.

“I don’t know.” You sighed.

That wasn’t good enough for him. He took another step forward, the tips of your noses now just centimeters away from each other. “I’ll tell you why,” He said, his voice softer than earlier. “It’s because you like me. It’s because I’m the only one who really understands you, the only one who sees more to you than just your body. That’s why you keep taking me back. It’s why you came to me that night. You knew you could be vulnerable with me, and that I wouldn’t turn you away, because-” He paused for a moment to lick his lips. “Because I like you too, y/n.”

Tears welled up in your eyes, and you tried to ignore the sting so that you wouldn’t blink and force them to run down your cheeks. Your chest felt like it was engulfed in flames, making your breathing unsteady. You were too caught up in your emotions to realize that Yunho closed the gap and pressed his lips onto yours, his hands firmly placed at your waist.

He always kissed you like he wasn’t going to see you for a while. Maybe it was a force of habit considering all the times Yunho had ended things between you two. Or maybe, as he said, he liked you, and he wanted you to know from his touch if his words didn’t suffice. It felt right kissing him, real. Not like all the other times with your boy toys, who only kissed you because that’s just what came naturally when you're both rolling around naked in bed. Yunho never only kissed you on the lips, but everywhere else as well, your eyes, cheeks, forehead, and just every feature of you that made his heart swell and anywhere he could put his lips on if you let him.

It was so easy. All you had to do was wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him back, leave this no strings attached bullshit behind, and let him lead the way. But you were reminded, reminded of him again, the one who took your heart and snapped it into two, the one who lead you to keep people at a distance and hurt them before they hurt you. That’s what you needed to do now, you told yourself. You had to hurt him. It made your heart ache even thinking of hurting Yunho, but you would be doing him a favor, even if he didn’t realize it now. You were damaged goods, not fit for sale. He’d be better off.

You pushed your hands on his chest to get him off you. Yunho, looking at you with such hope and hurt in his eyes, holding onto your hands that you used to keep him at a distance. He didn’t say anything, instead waiting for you to explain.

Your eyes were down at your feet, too afraid to look him in the eye and say your next words. “I’m sorry Yunho, but I just don’t feel the same.”

Yunho didn’t speak for a while. You wanted to look up at him, but you knew that seeing his reaction would crush you. You told yourself not to look. It was easier this way.

“You don’t mean that.” Yunho kept his voice steady, even though he could feel a slight lump forming in his throat. “I know you feel the same, y/n.”

You shook your head and a few droplets of tears splashed onto the carpet and onto your toes. “I’m sorry, but I don’t.”

His hands let go of yours and he immediately brushed his fingers under your chin, forcing you to tilt your head up. “You really don’t feel what I feel? Then why don’t you look at me and say it?”

He gazed down at you, waiting for your eyes to meet his, getting impatient with you when they didn’t. “Look at me and say you don’t want me.”

Overwhelmed, you moved your head around and pushed him off of you, too consumed in your rage to realize that for once that night, you were finally meeting his eyes.

“I don’t want you. I never cared for you. You were just a distraction. Whatever you think was going on, it’s not true. You don’t know me, you don’t know what’s going on in my head, so don’t act as you do! For the love of god Yunho, just get the fuck out!”

You panted after letting your frustrations out, the room now silent again. Nothing could have prepared you for the look on Yunho’s face right now. His sweet face was painted in constraint, his once cheery and sparkling brown eyes now glossy and downcast. You could feel your heart being ripped out of your chest, and for a moment you wanted to rush over to him and tell him you didn’t mean it, that you’ll do whatever he wants, be whatever he wants, as long as he stops making that face, but your legs stayed immobile and the words tangled up in your throat.

Yunho looked at you for a while, waiting to see if you would take those words back, but you never did. Swallowing the painful lump in his throat, he picked up his shirt from the floor and got dressed. You leaned back on your dresser, watching him as he put on his coat and slipped on his shoes. There was so much time to say something, anything, but neither of you uttered a word, and Yunho understood now that he said all that he needed to say, and that he couldn’t change your mind, even if he tried.

He was now at your entry door, and you followed behind him, staying back a couple of feet as you prepared to watch him leave your life once and for all. As he held onto the knob, he turned his head slightly, as if he wanted to say something, but decided against it, and went on with turning the knob, his tall frame disappearing behind the closing door.

You wanted to crawl into a ball and cry right there on the floor, but you stayed strong. You’re not crying over a guy again, you promised yourself. Even if it hurts…It’s for the best.

Finals were almost over, and the Library was seeing a reduction in visitors. The staff was partly relieved, enjoying the empty space and not having to be bothered to tell students to be quiet, confiscate their Cheeto bags (even though there’s a bold NO EATING sign at almost every table), and wake up tired students from their naps to tell them the library was closing. But there was one visitor who came almost daily and sat at the same exact spot in the same exact section. The Historical Fiction section.

The librarians didn’t know what his deal was. He’d come in with absolutely nothing, no backpack, no laptop, no textbook. They even doubted he brought his phone. Sometimes, he’d take a book off the historical fiction shelf and crack it open, although, unbeknownst to the library staff, he wasn’t actually reading anything. He tried to, but then his head would get fuzzy and he’d get lost in thought, his eyes darting around every time he heard the Library door open or footsteps approach his section, only for it to be another student or a staff member, and when he’d sigh and look back down at his book, he’d forget where he left off and start from the beginning again.

They didn’t know he was waiting on a girl. If they did, they would probably feel bad for him, and maybe even find his efforts to be a little pathetic. But to Yunho, it didn’t matter to him what they thought. Being the tortured romantic that he was, he still had hope that you two would be together again. He wasn’t going to crawl back to you like all the other times. Instead, he was going to wait. He believed the day would come where you’d grow sick from your passing relationships and realize your true feelings for him. And when you realize that, you’ll come running to the Library where you two first met, and you would find him there, sitting at your table in your special little corner of the Library. He’d greet you with a friendly smile, and pull out a chair for you, and you two would just pick up where you left off as if nothing else ever happened. Maybe then he’d take you out on a real date, maybe to a fancy restaurant which neither of you could pronounce the name of, and afterward, you’d crash at his place and you’d lay in his arms just as you did that night, and he’d whisper corny jokes into your hair, both of you laughing softly until you finally fell asleep. Maybe, after a while of sleeping over, you’d take a liking to his idea of moving into a small and cramped apartment on the outskirts of the city, where there’s no one around to bother you except each other. Maybe. Who knows.

They didn’t know he was waiting on a girl. If they did, they would probably feel bad for him, and maybe even find his efforts to be a little pathetic. But to Yunho, it didn’t matter what they thought. Being the tortured romantic that he was, he still had hope that you two would be together again. He wasn’t going to crawl back to you like all the other times. Instead, he was going to wait. He believed the day would come where you’d grow sick from your passing relationships and realize your true feelings for him. And when you realize that, you’ll come running to the place where you two first met, and you would find him there, sitting at your table in your special little corner of the Library. He’d greet you with a friendly smile, and pull out a chair for you, and you two would just pick up where you left off as if nothing else ever happened. Maybe then he’d take you out on a real date, maybe to a fancy restaurant which neither of you could pronounce the name of, and afterward, you’d crash at his place and you’d lay in his arms just as you did that night, and he’d whisper corny jokes into your hair, both of you laughing softly until you finally fell asleep. Maybe, after a while of sleeping over, you’d take a liking to his idea of moving into a small and cramped apartment on the outskirts of the city, where there’s no one around to bother you except each other. Maybe. Who knows.

Finals were almost over, and the Library was seeing a reduction in visitors. The staff was partly relieved, enjoying the empty space and not having to be bothered to tell students to be quiet, confiscate their Cheeto bags (even though there’s a bold NO EATING sign at almost every table), and wake up tired students from their naps to tell them they were closing. But there was one visitor who came almost daily and sat at the same exact spot in the same exact section like clockwork. The Historical Fiction section.

The librarians didn’t know what his deal was. He’d come in with absolutely nothing, no backpack, no laptop, and no textbook to indicate if he was taking a summer class at least. Sometimes, he’d take a book off the historical fiction shelf and crack it open, although, unbeknownst to the library staff, he wasn’t actually reading anything. He tried to, but then his head would get fuzzy and he’d get lost in thought, his eyes darting around every time he heard the Library door open or footsteps approach his section, only for it to be another student or a staff member, and when he’d sigh and look back down at his book, he’d forget where he left off and start from the beginning again.

They didn’t know he was waiting on a girl. If they did, they would probably feel bad for him, and maybe even find his efforts to be a little pathetic. But to Yunho, it didn’t matter what they thought. Being the tortured romantic that he was, he still had hope that you two would be together again. He wasn’t going to crawl back to you like all the other times. Instead, he was going to wait. He believed the day would come where you’d grow sick from your passing relationships and realize your true feelings for him. And when you realize that, you’ll come running to the Library where you two first met, and you would find him there, sitting at your table in your special little corner of the Library. He’d greet you with a friendly smile, and pull out a chair for you, and you two would pick up where you left off as if nothing else ever happened. Maybe then he’d take you out on a real date, maybe to a fancy restaurant which neither of you could pronounce the name of, and afterward, you’d crash at his place and lay in his arms just as you did that night, and he’d whisper corny jokes into your hair, both of you laughing softly until you finally fell asleep. Maybe, after a while of sleeping over, you’d take a liking to his idea of moving into a small and cramped apartment on the outskirts of the city, where there’s no one around to bother you except each other. Maybe. Who knows.

#yunho x reader #yunho angst #yunho smut #yunho fanfic #yunho scenarios #ateez smut #ateez fanfiction #ateez angst #ateez fluff #yunho fluff

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sissa-arrows · 9 months

Note

by settler/coloniser do you mean like, west bank settlers and the like (i mean actively settling or whatever. i hope you understand what im trying to say) or like all descendants of settlers who may no longer have a settler role like idk some guy in jaffa whose grandparents were settlers but he himself is just. a guy and doesn't own property etc etc.

asking bc in the first sense i fully agree with you but i saw too many leftists embrace a practically ethnic definition of coloniser which i find rather disagreeable

ps this is not meant to be like an attack i am curious

First of all this is how I personally view things and I’m Algerian not Palestinian so my definition is not a rule. At the end of the day my opinion, our collective opinions don’t matter in the scale compared to Palestinians’ opinions. I’m still choosing to answer because I don’t think Palestinians should carry that burden alone BUT if a Palestinian read this and think I’m overstepping send me a DM I will delete my post without any arguing.

Now to answer the actual question. All Israelis are settlers excluding the rare Palestinians who have the citizenship but then those are Palestinians not Israelis. Settlers = colonizers = non indigenous people permanently living in a settler colony.

The difference between the settler in the West Bank and the settler in Jaffa is not that it’s them doing the settling or their grandparents. Both live on stolen land that does not belong to them and never will. So both are settlers. The difference is somewhere else. The settler in the West Bank is fucked. He is unredeemable because he is doing the colonizing himself right now. He should leave that’s the only option. Now the guy in Yaffa there’s more nuance to it.

That guy whose grandparents were settlers and therefore stole Palestinian land… he is still living on stolen land even if he is not a land owner even if he didn’t do the stealing himself… he is still benefiting from settler colonialism. He doesn’t get to just wash his hands and pretend he is not involved because his grandparents did it not him.

Is he actively fighting against Israeli colonialism? Is he in favor of giving ALL the land back to indigenous people aka Palestinians with the right of return for the Palestinian refugees and one single Palestinian country where those who fought for its liberation could stay and live with equal rights regardless of religion? If the answer is yes he is still a settler BUT he is a redeemable settler he can get rid of his status of settler by helping get rid of settler colonialism. If the answer is no if he just sits there thinking the status quo is good enough thinking the problem is Netanyahu or any other politician when the real problem is Israel itself because it’s a settler colony, then he is a settler AND he can go fuck himself too.

Living in a settler colony as a non indigenous person means that you cannot be neutral. You cannot just exist. You are either a settler trying to end settler colonialism (and in the process put an end to your status as a settler) or a settler supporting settler colonialism.

The “suitcases carriers” I mentioned. They were still settlers (excluding the mainlanders who helped Algerians in France). They just made the right decision and stood for the liberation of Algeria. That decision led to the end of French settler colonialism which put an end to their settler status. By fighting to end settler colonialism they freed themselves of being settlers. It even allowed those who wanted to stay to do so and stay as Algerians.

Lastly I want to add that a settler colony cannot create people who do not have racist bias against the indigenous people of the land they occupy. So one also needs to actively work to unlearn those bias because even settlers who fight for the liberation of indigenous people have those bias.

#Palestine #settler colonialism #colonialism #zionist occupation #Israeli settlers

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chaoticbardlady99 · 3 months

Text

Nobody’s Fool Part 2 (Astarion x GN! Reader)

Synopsis: Astarion surprises you at the dock and an impromptu sleepover occurs. You and Astarion talk about why you worship Selune and your history.

Content warning: Deceased parents, work camp, Dead dove, mentions of attempted SA

Author note: thank you so much for all the love! This will probably have a few more parts so I hope you enjoy! Also I am writing him as super awkward on purpose

Not my pic- if it is your, please let me know so I can tag you! @casualya

You sit and skip rocks across the murky water- the rest of your companions are in their respective spots inside the dilapidated buildings. You usually spend time with Karlach, but, for whatever reason, Shadowheart seems to enjoy taking whatever company you have. Thankfully Karlach is actually your best friend and loves you, but it still hurts.

You know you could ask the others- you are sure one of them would want to spend time with you. Hells, Gale even commented on the Beach being a fun place and you didn’t think to invite him. Maybe it’s because the last time went so catastrophically that you don’t want to put yourself in that position again.

Or because it would never be the date you had envisioned with Astarion. You had your blanket packed up next to your tent with a bottle of wine- you had a pouch to collect shells. You thought it might be fun for him to have something from a different place and shells are always so fun to find- at least from what you remember before the Mine. Your parents used to take you all the time and you would collect seashells together.

It’s the last time you truly, truly felt loved outside of praying to your Goddess. You don’t feel like you fit in with the other Selunite Clerics, you try your best, but there is always someone more desirable, more interesting, and you are just eh.

There is always a Shadowheart that stands out in the crowd- deservedly so- she is a rare gem. You are just like any other gem Astarion has seen over the last two hundred years.

Sure people liked you, but it was never the people you liked. It was always the ones who were overbearing, hell bent on settling down and having a housewife. That isn’t what you want, but the men who want adventure and to be best friends, lovers, etc. want the more exciting individuals

The tears fall without your permission and you release a sigh of despair. You let your shoulders shake and your heart ache- it is better to release the pain in your chest than power through it. It will be better to get it out now while no one is around and you don’t have to be so wildly embarrassed about being emotional.

It’s not that you are still hung up on Astarion- you actually find it’s easier to keep boundaries if you don’t talk to him for tooo long. Just long enough to not make him feel left out, but not too long that he feels like he is special to you.

Of course, it hurts you to do that. You feel like he deserves to be special to someone- it just wasn’t meant to be you and you need to hold onto all of that specialness for the person you are meant to be with.

But what if you don’t want to be with anyone else ever again? This is your first big big crush, ever! What if you are never capable of developing feelings like this again!?

You skip another rock pitifully across the water and watch as a fish jumps out to get it- only to be eaten by a bigger fish right after.

Typical, you sigh, my rock was given to someone just for someone else to receive the benefits.

It’s probably a good thing you are by yourself- you are quite the bummer today.

“There you are- I have been looking for you just about everywhere, Darling,” a familiar voice says from behind you.

Oh great, you think, trying to collect yourself enough that it’s not obvious you are crying, he probably wants advice on how to make things right with Shadowheart. He never comes over and this is the first night Karlach is-

“I bought this for you,” he says awkwardly as he sits down next to you on the dock, “I thought it might help while uh fighting- so you don’t have to use up all of your magic like you did the other day.”

You had felt like shit and slept through a whole day- you had overextended yourself with healing the day before and it had really taken a toll on you. You began feeling better today, but Shadowheart still took over the healing matters which you appreciated.

You look at Astarion’s hands and you are shocked to see an Amulet of Restoration. You have always wanted one, but they are ridiculously expensive. You had been eyeing this one while you were visiting the Myconoid Colony- you didn’t think anyone noticed.

“I- I don’t know what to say.”

“I think the typical response is, ‘Thank you’, but I would like to request a very kind adjective at the end.”

Astarion wiggles his eyebrows at you and you snort, shaking your head.

“Thank you, beautiful,” you tease and notice how his face becomes slightly more lively and the tips of his ears grow pink.

How silly- he probably gets that descriptor all the time.

You put the necklace on, it’s warm against your skin and it helps to heal the cracks in your chest. A sigh of relief leaves you as the weight of the world seems to lift ever so slightly.

You both sit there in silence- you are unable to come up with any topics of conversation. Your brain just feels icky and tired. You also wouldn’t even know what to say anymore. You haven’t really talked in a while- a whole week to be exact. Time seems to move differently on this journey- a week feels like months.

You mostly expect him to get up and leave, but he never does.

“So- uh- the water is… dark.”

You don’t know what surprises you more- that Astarion attempted to start a conversation first or that his small talk is truly truly terrible.

Either way, you may need to use this necklace sooner rather than later so you don’t die of shock.

“It’s exceptionally dark,” you add, “I bet there are all kinds of beasties down there.”

Astarion’s feet get a little further away from the edge of the dock and he chuckles nervously. The water is quite unsettling and you hope you didn’t scare him too much. You don’t think you are ready for him to leave yet.

“Oh, you think so? Like what?”

This is… odd. He wants to keep talking? You feel like you are usually dragging the conversation along and now that you have had time to thoroughly analyze all of your previous interactions- you still don’t know how you had been so blind.

This is not within the norm.

“Well- I heard,” you look left and right before making eye contact again, “a Kraken may live down there.”

Astarion groans and you laugh heartily- Gale has been talking about Kraken’s all day and Astarion had looked so annoyed by the end of the journey to the Decrepit Village that everyone steered clear of him. No one wanted a piercing insult on their psyche that evening.

“Not you too!”

“Did you know-“

“Please- no!” He says in exasperation, “any more fun Kraken facts and I may let myself become one’s meal.”

You shake your head and play with your hands- trying to find some way to keep the conversation going. It’s pathetic, but you don’t want to stop talking to him. That tiny piece of hope doesn’t want to.

“What do you think it’s blood tastes like?” You ask, “the Kraken, I mean.”

You don’t necessarily know why that particular thought seems to interest you, but you look at the water and think. You don’t look at his face, mostly worried you might have offended him by even asking. Is that something you can ask a Vampire?

“Would it be more mammal or fish-like?”

Astarion looks equally as curious regarding this line of thought.

“Well, I tried a fish when we were near the Grove- it was atrocious, truly,” Astarion shudders, “I can’t imagine a Kraken is going to taste that much better.”

“Fish really tastes that bad?”

Astarion nods with a scowl, “it’s not nearly as bad as the bugs and rats Cazador fed me, but I still have no desire to indulge in that again.”

You blink a few times, unsure if you heard him right.

“Rats and bugs?” You ask, “I thought you always fed off of people.”

Astarion throws his head back with a cynical laugh.

“That was a good one, Darling.”

“I wasn’t joking.”

Astarion looks perplexed and then seems to be immediately flooded with shame- beginning to get back up and make his leave.

“On that note-”

“Wait,” you get up quickly, “we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, okay? But there is no judgment from me- ever. I promise.”

You both stand there, staring at each other, and he is searching your eyes for any sign of deception. You didn’t realize you were holding your breath until he sat back down.

You aren’t sure how close you should sit next to him, so you give yourself and him a relatively decent-friend sized gap.

You can still be his friend- that you can do.

“Cazador would have me bring the prettiest souls in all of Baldur’s Gate,” he scowls, “he would ask me if I wanted to dine with him and if I said no, he would flay me. If I said yes, he would sooo ‘generously’ give me a putrid, dead, rotting rat.

“You are the first thinking creature I have…”

You aren’t really sure what you are supposed to say in this situation. You have never been a Vampire Spawn before and you certainly haven’t had to drink putrid blood. Rotten food and such, sure, but you have a feeling expressing empathy and your own experience would not be perceived well.

“I am really sorry you had to do that.”

“It doesn’t matter- I will never have to do that again.”

“True.”

You both sit there quietly and just enjoy the silence- the sound of gentle waves flowing through the air is soothing and it’s calming. You enjoy his company- immensely. You will let yourself soak into it for a moment.

“I made a mistake,” Astarion breaks the silence, “going with Shadowheart the night of the party.”

You are frozen and entirely unsure of how to respond to that. Does he mean he should have accepted your offer or does he just want to talk about it?

“Oh- I’m sorry it wasn’t enjoyable for you.”

He stares down into the murky water and doesn’t say a word. The silence is heavy between both of you and you don’t want to ask the question that is weighing heavily on your mind because you honestly don’t think you want to know the answer.

It was probably just that the sex was bad or they didn’t end up having as much chemistry as they thought.

“He said your name in the middle of the act itself!”

You feel the tips of your ears heat up and your heart begins to hammer in your chest when Karlach’s words resurface.

No- it was probably an accident.

“When you asked me to walk on the beach that night,” he whispers, “what were your intentions?”

You feel like a stone has dropped on your chest again with his words and you really have no desire to answer them, but you probably should.

“My intentions,” you say meekly, “were to take you on a date. Don’t worry- it won’t happen again.”

“You,” he sounds stunned, “you didn’t invite me to go to the beach with you for sex?”

You hadn’t even thought about sex if you are being entirely honest. You have never been intimate with anyone before- some stupid chastity thing you had felt was important as a youth and now you are picky.

“Oh- no that was very far from my mind,” you say sheepishly, “I had other activities in mind, sex was not one of them.”

“Like what?”

You feel embarrassment course through your veins- you really shouldn’t be talking about this with him. Maybe they are all in on this big joke and when you share what you were going to do, they will all laugh around the campfire.

“It doesn’t matter anymore,” you say with a pinched smile, meeting his unreadable expression, “come on- we should head back to camp.”

You don’t catch the frown on his face as you get up to walk away.

*************************************************

You are going cross eyed as you try to read and continue to zone out.

Why did Astarion ask you so much about your date plans three days ago? Why has he been unusually atune to your recent needs? Why does he consistently keep your favorite alcohol on hand lately?

A lot has changed within a few days. You still spend an exceptional amount of time with Karlach, but Astarion has begun finding times to get your undivided attention too. It is as if he is helping Shadowheart with developing her relationship with Karlach.

Maybe he feels guilty for things not working out between them and is “taking one for the team”. It is likely that- there really isn’t any other reason for him to be spending time with you and you refuse to believe he has just suddenly developed feelings for you.

Have more bizarre things happened in your life? Certainly- there is even a tadpole in your head to prove it. Astarion having feelings for you is never going to be one of those bizarre things and you would be a fool to suddenly have hope now- even with the Amulet of Restoration warming your skin.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

You are jolted from your thoughts when an incessant knocking pulls you back to reality. You blink a couple times and rub your eyes- yawning while telling the other individual to come in. You are hoping it is Karlach- she had been spending time with Shadowheart and she seems to be quite smitten. It is not Shadowheart’s fault that she is beautiful and wonderful nor was it her fault that Astarion was more attracted to her- you just want Shadowheart to be happy.

“You sound awfully tired, Darling,” stunning ruby eyes are peering at you from the shadows of your tent, “I can leave you be for the night if you would prefer.”

It would probably be for the best, but the ghost of tears on his cheeks makes you think otherwise. He needs someone right now and in spite of your efforts, you still adore him. There is a book in his slightly shaking hand.

“Oh, no! That’s alright- you are welcome to sit and stay here as long as you need.”

He smiles softly- something you have never seen before- and he sits down next to you. Both of your knees touch as you get back to your book and he begins to read his own. You are struggling to read your page even more now.

His cologne consumes you inside of your tent and you feels like you could begin to cry- you want to cuddle into him. You want to melt into his arms and know what it means to fall in love, be in love, and be loved in return. However, he does not want you. He needs you and that is wildly different than wanting.

“What are you reading?”

Your mind goes blank all of a sudden.

What are you reading?

You turn the book over in your hand to look at its cover- how are you going to explain not knowing the cover of your own book?

“Shar’s Teachings of Loss.”

Astarion looks bewildered by your choice of literature and you snort with a roll of your eyes.

“Shadowheart gave it to me and I told her I would give it a try.”

“Why?”

“Because it can help me understand her better,” you say with a shrug, “and maybe I can help her see that there is more to life than darkness and suffering.”

The silence in the air is thick and unsettling- not in a dangerous way, but as if you opened a Pandora’s box for Astarion.

“Why do you care?” His voice sounds sharp and judgmental, “she would rather slit her own throat than bother to read Selune’s doctrine.”

You sit and think for a moment- why do you care?

“I guess I realized that Shadowheart fell into Shar’s lap because she was a victim of circumstance,” you say slowly, “and I suppose if I had been in her shoes- I would have fallen into Shar’s Doctrine as well. I was just lucky enough to be found by Selune first.”

The silence continues and you try to go back to reading your book, but it’s no use. Your brain is entirely distracted by his presence in your atmosphere.

“Why did you begin worshipping Selune?”

You hate to admit how giddy you feel that he is asking you questions about yourself. You are so used to being the one to keep conversations going between both of you that you honestly are still surprised when he makes an effort instead.

“My parents had died in the mine we were being forced to live in by some Ravengers,” your voice is barely a whisper, “they became really sick and then they were just gone.

“I ended up getting sick a few weeks later. I was hallucinating and I was in so much pain. I knew I was dying and I was… I was okay with that. I wanted to be free and with my parents again.

“But then a girl who was only a little older than me began taking care of me and praying to Selune every night that I would live.

“A week later, when I was on my deathbed, Paladins and Clerics of Selune freed us from the mine and I lived.”

“And you have worshipped Selune ever since?”

“Gods no,” you laugh, “when I turned 22, I left the church and I was very angry. I couldn’t understand why I lived and my parents didn’t. I couldn’t understand why we had ever been put in that mine in the first place when Selune had been capable of saving us. I joined a local thieves and assassins guild in Althkalta for about five years.

“I was laying in bed one night with the leader of the guild- he had drugged me and… well I remember looking up and seeing the moon. Right as he was about to, uh, enter me?” You chuckle nervously, “he was burned alive by the moon. I had abandoned her, but she never abandoned me. I realized I had become someone I wasn’t. I left and returned to the church after that. I have been there ever since.”

“Darling,” Astarion gasps, “you have been holding out on me. I can’t even begin to imagine the amount of luxuries we could have stolen together by now.”

You smile awkwardly, “Oh I am not sure about that- I was quite miserable doing that, unfortunately. I am a bit lame.”

“Well- if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me.”

It’s back to being entirely silent and it remains that way long enough for you to finally finish three pages of the book.

This is so depressing- the book. No wonder Shadowheart is so guarded and paranoid 80 percent of the time. You would be too if you were brought up to believe this nonsense.

“I can’t see you being a very good thief or assassin,” Astarion says awkwardly, “for what it’s worth.”

You blink a couple times and look at him for a moment. You begin to laugh like a mad man- his expression is so serious and he certainly isn’t wrong. You were terrible at it and you still aren’t sure how you are going to bring back Nere’s head.

“You would be correct! I was horrendous! Most of my targets remained alive- some I even warned beforehand because I didn’t feel like the contract was fair.”

Astarion snorts, “what do you mean fair? I don’t think any part of that work revolves around being ‘fair’.”

“It most certainly does not,” you sigh, “one time a guy tricked me into thinking he was a good person and then he went on to kill eight people. You could probably imagine how great that felt.”

Much to your surprise, Astarion continues to ask you about your misadventures- both as a cleric and as a horrible excuse for a rogue. It leads the way for some of his own stories to bleed in- snatching a beautiful necklace from someone for Gold so he can buy the nicer wine one night and other shenanigans like that.

You tell him that you are rather terrified to have to decapitate Nere and it isn’t something you really want to do. Astarion offers to do it for you so that you can A. Not embarrass yourself and B. Not have to do something you really do not want to do. You would be remiss if you said it didn’t make your heart beat with joy. It is very white knightish of him and you are still a person who adores a good fairytale at the end of the day.

At some point you fell asleep, but you barely remember telling Astarion he doesn’t have to go. However, waking up with his arms wrapped around you and his habitual breath fanning across your face is not a bad way to start your day.

His body is cool against yours, a welcome change in this excruciatingly warm environment. Your entire tent smells like him and you silently pray that it will remain this way. You honestly aren’t sure how you will feel when you walk into it later today and his cologne is gone.

And what if he regrets staying? What if he regrets cuddling with you or he felt like he had to? You really don’t want to regress in your friendship and go back to square one. He has been much kinder and agreeable lately. Astarion has really begun taking his mask off and you aren’t ready to see it go back on.

“Stop overthinking, Darling” a grumble from near your ear makes you jolt ever so slightly, “your body is so tense I can practically hear your thoughts.”

“I-sorry.”

Astarion hums before asking, “unless you are tense because you want me to stop touching you- then you can say something, obviously.”

“That’s not it,” you say much faster than you wanted to, “this is… nice.”

A pleased hum comes from your companion’s lips and you feel him begin to relax against you again. Your heartbeat eventually calms along with your thoughts and you allow yourself to indulge for however much longer he will allow you to.

It’s possible that he does have feelings for you- this is something you have refused to entertain up until now, but Astarion’s love languages would be buying something at full price, decapitating someone, and cuddling you. He doesn’t like to be touched, doing things for others, or paying for something when he can just as easily steal it.

He could also be afraid and feel like he needs to be close with someone for safety. That is a feeling you understand all too well with your own history. You suppose that is why you are struggling to believe that this is truly happening in the first place.

You know actions speak louder than words and his actions are telling the story of a scared individual who is fighting for his freedom.

Maybe Selune has answered his prayers- you can be here for his comfort and as his friend because that is what he needs from this journey. It’s why you met each other. One day you may have to watch him fall in love and you will also find someone else in spite of the pain, but that’s okay.

That’s what friends are for.

Tag list: @preciouslittlebhaalbae @xxgrimripp3rxx @alice4wonderland2812 @therobishow @m1ster1e @tragicdruid @katsutoria @aristenfromwarsaw @avabjorna36 @frankie-mercury

#baldurs gate 3 #astarion #baldurs gate astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #astarion romance #astarion x you #karlach #astarion x gn! tav #astarion x gn! reader #astarion x gn reader #astarion ancunin #astarion bg3 #bg3 tav

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khaire-traveler · 5 months

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🌾 Subtle Tyche Worship 🪙

Eat fruit or vegetables; eat something naturally grown

Hold onto a coin that you consider lucky

Get a ball, for any purpose - stress ball, decorative ball, sports ball, any ball will do

Get a candle that reminds you of her (no altar needed)

Keep a picture of her in your wallet

Wear jewelry that reminds you of her

Try veiling

Carry a good luck pocket charm

Working on things that will benefit your future; editing a work resume, looking into further education, planning the outline for a book you want to write, etc.

Have imagery of wheat, cornucopias, wings, a ball, ship rudders, a mural crown, strings/weaving, coins, or anything you associate with good luck around

Have a stuffed animal of any creature you associate with good luck

Play with dice; collect dice (✨ dice goblins encouraged ✨)

Be generous to others, especially those in a tough spot

Collect coins you think are cool; old coins, coins from other countries, coins given to you on an important day of your life, etc.

Try to participate in a competition or contest; do something competitive

Support homeless shelters, humanitarian organizations, or animal shelters

Donate supplies to homeless shelters; hygiene kits tend to be in high demand

Be patient with and kind to yourself when things don't go the way you planned

Research coping skills for stress or disappointment; try to implement them when such situations arise

Learn to go with the flow of life; release control when needed; don't borrow grief from the future

Cook a warm meal from someone in need

Reach out for help during your times of need; don't be afraid to rely on the kindness of others; don't be too proud to accept offered help

Dance/sing to music that makes you feel happy, expressive, or empowered

Treat yourself with the same love and compassion that you give to others

Find reasons to smile/laugh throughout your day; look for the little things that you enjoy

Spend time with your loved ones

Make a small list of things that you're grateful for, they don't have to be big things; grateful that you have a cozy blanket, a stuffed animal, shoes on your feet, etc.

Engage in random acts of kindness; paying for the meal of the person behind you, holding the door for someone, returning an item someone dropped, etc.

Try to focus on lifting others - including yourself - up; be kind, provide words of encouragement, give emotional support when able, etc.

Try not to engage in gossip too much; such things can unjustly ruin a person's reputation

Cook yourself a homemade meal if able; eat a comfort food; treat yourself to a lovely dinner

Encourage yourself before an important event; giving yourself compliments before a date, motivating yourself before a presentation, etc.

Leave a generous tip for service industry workers; pizza delivery, waiters, artists, etc.

Support small businesses

Feed neighborhood dogs, cats, birds, etc.

Buy or make a gift for a loved one

Send a random kind message to a loved one

Play with your pets; spend time with them

Get a lucky piece of clothing or jewelry (I have a lucky pair of socks, for example)

Place a good luck charm at the entrance of your room or home

Handmake your own bread; bake something by hand

Hand out cookies, pastries, etc. to your neighbors (please double-check allergies first)

Give any kids in your life a gift; a new toy, candy, cool jewelry, a video game, etc.

Wear an outfit that makes you feel good and confident; doll yourself up simply for yourself

Try something new; do something with a calculated risk

I'll likely add more in the future, but for now, this is my list of discreet ways to worship Tyche. I felt like I had a lot of ideas for her, so I kind of had to stop myself from writing too much. 😂 I hope someone finds this helpful and enjoys these suggestions. Take care, everyone, and may fortune be in your favor! 💚

Link to Subtle Worship Master list

#helpol #hellenic polytheism #hellenic pagan #tyche deity #tyche #tyche worship #paganblr #pagan tips #deity worship

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fanfiction4sooya · 1 year

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Loyal dog (Sub A! Seulgi x Dom O!Reader)

This was a request, but I think I lost it somewhere 😭 I hope y'all like it babies!! 💖💖💖💖

tw: abo dynamics, unprotected sex, edging, crying, reader is a little rude, jerking off, nipple play, cum swallowing, etc.

Last board meeting went hectic. You were the head of the meeting, conducting every single detail and discussion, very focused on finding the solutions the other shareholders needed. One of them was pushing for a sale you were reluctant to accept because you really didn't find any benefit on it. A stupid alpha that couldn't think ahead like you could.

"It's not up to you to deny anything" The alpha said, her eyes were cold and her demeanor was definitely disgusted; Many alphas didn't like omegas in position of power. You felt in the depths of your soul she really wanted to say Omegas had no say in anything.

"Well, Ms..." You looked down looking for a paper with her name. "Park, isn't it?"Lifting your head, you could see her eyebrows slightly lift in this contained anger. "Ms Park Sooyoung, I do in fact have a say in this since I'm the head of the board and my success rates are high. Higher than any of yours, I might say"

She tried to make you back down by staring at you, her pheromones strong as she tried to make you submit. That was so disrespectful and rude to do on a work setting that you felt your anger bubble inside you. When you were about to say something, a more sharp voice cut your phrase through, the sound reverberating around the meeting room.

"If you have any decorum, I advise you to stop this little attempt of strength play with your weak pheromones and leave this meeting" You looked straight at her, Kang Seulgi. Pretty, collected and overall avoiding of you. Your eyes quickly scanned her and you lightly scoffed.

Another brainless Alpha trying to assert dominance.

"I don't need a knight in a shiny armor, Ms Kang. I can handle insubordination myself" You said before the other Alpha could respond. She lowered her eyes, looking at her hands as she clenched her jaw. "But since you said it, it is against the company's policy to try making anyone to submit on the clock, specially in democratic meetings" You took a deep breath a little affected by Sooyoung, but your poker face was impeccable. "This meeting is over, for now" You said seeing red, dismissing all the others and going straight to your own office.

Anger seething, your blood boiling for so many reasons. You stood by your window trying to collect yourself, wanting nothing more than to jump onto Park's neck, end that little arrogant look. You fucking hated those types of alphas.

And Kang Seulgi? Oh she was so much worse with that condescending tone and those eyes, those fucking lowered eyes...

Next thing you knew you had already asked your secretary to call her to your office. You needed to see something by yourself.

"Did you ask to see me, boss?" She entered your office, closing the door behind her; perfect posture, secure of herself and her surroundings.

"Indeed" You said. Your glasses perched up on the tip of your nose, staring at her. You called your secretary, your voice ice cold as you spoke. "Ms Kim would you mind telling me if we hired any bodyguards for me, please?" You simply asked, still staring at her. You saw her avoid your eyes again, slightly looking down.

"There are no bodyguards on the record, boss. Why? Do you need one?" Yeri asked, a bit concerned.

"No, not at all" You said. "I was just checking, thank you" That anger was still there, mixed with a little bit of curiosity.

Narrowing your eyes, you tilted your head to the right.

"You do not get to speak for me" Poison dripping, you fixed your glasses on your face.

"It wasn't my intention, I was-" She looked anywhere but you, her posture tense now. "I didn't like the way she spoke with you and that stare... You don't deserved it" She cleared her throat. "It was unprofessional"

Now that she looked at you, you could see how she wasn't being condescending. It was something else and that was definitely something... good.

"Oh, I see..." You got up, going around your desk, crossing your arms under your breasts and leaning on it. "Maybe you don't want to be my bodyguard..." You said, eyeing her down. Her grey suit was perfect on her figure, but you could see the bulge forming inside her pants. "A loyal dog, maybe?"

You saw in first hand as a sharp exhale left her lips, her hands clenching by her sides.

"Oh, you would like to be my loyal dog" She finally returned your stare, her eyes pleading in an embarrassed, conflicted way. You got up to lock the door.

"I-" She gave a step towards you and you quickly shut her off.

"Stay" Was all you said and, much for your surprise and pleasure, she did stay; a tent on her pants as she looked down. "What an obedient dog..." Your tone changed to an alluring one. Standing in front of her, you smelled how aroused she was. "What a rare finding..." You traced her tie with one of your fingers and she whimpered. "Look at me" You commanded and she promptly did so, her eyes following how you licked your lower lip.

"I will do anything you want, boss" She finally said it, eyes locked into yours. You scoffed.

"Everyone does that already" Your cleavage fully on display made her dick pulse hard and she gulped. "What makes you different from everyone else, Ms Kang?" You got closer, heat emanating from her body to yours.

It felt so fucking good to be in full dominance mode with an Alpha like Kang Seulgi. It made you feel millions of times hotter. You always pushed away your omega nature, specially against some traditions the dynamics between Alphas, Betas and Omegas required.

"I can do whatever you ask me" She pleaded, her low voice was basically a whisper. "I am very good at obeying" You took a deep breath. Wet was an understatement, you were completely soaked and your lacy panties ruined.

You pondered, really thinking about it. Office sex wasn't something abnormal. If anything, office sex was the most normal thing in this situation.

"Sit down, hands on your sides" You told her, glancing at your leather couch and she did so. You unbuttoned your white button up just enough to pull your breasts out of your bra. Seulgi visibly shivered and you stood in front of her. "If you cum unauthorized I'll stop" You said, unbuckling her belt and pulling her dick out. "If you try to scent me I'll stop and kick your ass out of here" You have a good look to her cock.

It was was absolutely hung and veiny, throbbing on your hand as you pulled your pencil skirt up on your thighs and your panties to the side, sinking in next. Yes it was big and stretched you just fine, but you didn't express any type of reaction. She moaned, her eyes attentive on yours.

"If you manage to obey me until the end I'll be your dom" You told her, rolling your hips against her cock and she grabbed at the couch, whimpering. "If you want to stop you can just ask. Understood?" You said through gritted teeth.

"yes, b-boss" She stammered, her eyes rolling back a little.

You started riding her like there was no tomorrow, your cunt sinking deliciously on her cock and coating it with your slick. You tried to, but couldn't resist her pretty lips when she made all those sinful moans, kissing her roughly with your hand tangled on her beautiful wavy hair. You pulled it back, exposing her neck to lick and bite as you set an impossibly harder pace, your hips slamming against hers.

You moaned against each other's lips and she stopped kissing you to grab one of your boobs between her lips and you yelped, her tongue felt deliciously hot against your nipple. You stopped bouncing on her lap and started humping, your clit grazing against the fabric of her pants and a little bit of exposed skin. You were about to cum, clenching and unclenching on her big cock completely stretched.

"You want to cum inside me so much, I can feel it" You decided to play dirty as she sucked on your nipples very sloppily, coating your breasts with her saliva. "Aren't you an alpha after all?" You gather every ounce o strength you had not to moan while saying all that, but the woman was a rock. Holding herself in the most painful, delicious way.

In a last attempt to make her cum before you, you grabbed her neck while kissing her, squeezing it just right to a perfect chockehold. She shivered, her body shaking so hard it felt good under you.

You were still mounting here and absolutely losing the battle, cumming so hard on her cock you saw nothing but blank spots, body slumping forward on hers as she kept taking deep breaths with her eyes closed. You tried to catch your breath, swallowing hard when you managed to look at her face.

Absolutely beautiful and that little dumb look was pathetic but oh, so fucking hot. You kissed her roughly again, holding her neck.

"You did good, congratulations Ms. Kang" You said and she bit her lip, smiling. "I could've let you cum inside me..." You got off of her lap and she hissed, you felt your legs weak. "But I didn't told you to suck my breasts" You scoffed, sitting by her side.

"I am so sorry boss, I-" You shushed her, pulling her head to your lap, commanding her to lie down on the couch and she did, her dick standing proudly erect and furiously red from all the action and no cum.

"To show you I am no monster, I'll make you cum" You said, pulling her mouth to your nipple, your hand going to her cock. "Suck as hard as you can, but tell me when you get closer"

"Yes, boss" Her beautiful brown eyes glimmered and you bit your lip. "Thank you so much" She said, putting her mouth to work as you spat on your hand then started to pump her cock up and down, swirling your hand against the tip, your thumb rubbing at her slit.

She moaned against your breast, releasing a lot of precum as her body shook. It took less than a minute of you jerking her off, that's how needy she was.

"I'm close" She said, tensing and you completely stopped letting go of her cock. She whined, her mouth still sucking hard on your nipple and you whimpered.

She didn't protest, didn't even stop sucking. She held herself again, like a good girl. You caressed her hair, starting all over again that beautiful torture, jerking her even harder, her hips shaking as you stopped once again, feeling her hot tears on your lap. Fuck, she was so beautiful.

"Shh, it's okay" You cooed as she sobbed still sucking your breasts, her eyes locked into yours. Her nose was red and her eyes puffy. A masterpiece. "It's okay Ms Kang, this it the last time..." You said.

Going back to jerking her off, you could feel on the way she tossed against the couch how painful that was but she didn't complain once. You felt your pride grow, coaxing her into her climax. It hit her hard as your palm rubbed specially against the tip.

She came hard, ropes and ropes of her thick cum filling your hand and you kept swirling her tip. She was still crying, your breasts purple with how forceful her sucking was, but you didn't mind in the slightest.

You kept saying sweet nothings onto her ear, helping her to recollect herself and to come out of subspace, her sobs felt electrifying against your skin but you knew she couldn't take anything anymore.

You took your hand to her mouth and she licked it clean, sucking on every bit of her cum she could take from your hand as you caressed her hair, being careful not to scent her.

"Good girl... you were perfect Ms Kang" You whispered and she nodded, still sucking on your fingers. "Now you are my good loyal dog" You said, excitement taking over you when you realized how this finding was uncommon...

#gxg smut #red velvet smut #red velvet seulgi #seulgi smut #alpha seulgi #sub alpha #kang seulgi smut #kang seulgi

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esoteriamaya · 9 months

Text

Finding a Job. What works for you? Intuitive Reading .

Money rules the world. But what is money when you can't even enjoy what your doing while getting it? Having a hard time sticking to one job? Not sure whats the best outcome for you to make money ? So here I picked out a few angel numbers, and which ever one you intuitively pick is where your hearts desires, soul purpose and skills in money making come in to play.

I hope you all enjoy !

Pick a number !

111 333 444 555 777 999 1111 2222

Now let the games begin!

If you picked ...

111

Doctors, Lawyers, Teacher, Scientists.. This is where your energy works best. Teaching roles are something that give you're heart a big glow. It just works.

If you also picked this group...

Originality. Playing Cards. Jokesters. Tricksters.

You're great at being 'The Fool'. Making up sceems and getting out without a scratch. You could be good at scratch offs, playing poker, winning one of those casino games etc.

When it comes to originality, you make things your way. New ideas, new punchlines. It all works in the end.

If you picked...

333

Farms, Animals, Gardening, Community, Volunteering, Working from home,

This group has a healing aura to them. They need spaces where its quiet, cool, and earthy. Making sure their in groups , surrounded by good people is what works best for them.

Sometimes this isn't work to them. Volunteering is something that helps you feel good and is apart of you're life purpose. Charitable acts suit you greatly.

Working with animals, tending to gardens, dog sitting, etc. Works best for you.

If you also picked this group...

Knitting & Design

I see you guys sitting up on a rocking chair watching the view from your porch. Its a fun hobby and it can make a good coin in the long run. If you have talents in the arts, this would be a great new hobby if you havent tried it.

If you picked..

444

Architecture, Design, Technology, Cameras, Mechanics

If you picked this number, you could be pretty good at creating designs for homes, video games, websites, cars, etc..

You're brain is really connected to the art of detail. You are also good at the art of programming. creating new designs through photoshop or any other special effects program.

Coding is also another thing you guys could be good at.

Making design for clothes is a major one for you! Go on a website that helps with creating hoodies and t shirts, shoes, etc.. And you're in there.

If you also picked this group... Movies, Cameras, Hollywood.. Broadway..

Step by step. Move closer, but go slow.. This group are a class act. 'Prince Energy' : Intuitively Im picking up on star quality. And with 444 being the number that you guys picked, its asking you to work harder. This is a long journey, not a quick paced job. You'll look back and say thank you to yourself for allowing the small wins to propel you to the big ones. Oscar worthy energy is here for this group!

If you picked...

555

Associations, Team Player, Big Corporations, Groups and Connections

Working hard underground is a big one for this group. Connecting to smaller associations will bring you to bigger groups. Finding ways to bring new ideas to the table will benefit you in the long run. With this group.

The vision I got for this group was Buzzfeed and Google corporations. You guys work to create and expand your ideas, topics, and so much more. Its relaxing. Not too much but not so little.

If you picked...

777

Mystery, Oracles, Spiritual Community, Books, Spells, Travel Abroad

Spiritual healers! You're gifted in the arts of knowing. This group is capable of creating spells for the collective and it turning out with some benefits. You could read tarot, astrology, or anything connected to mysticism.

Doing spells for money takes practice, but it can work out for you in the future if you know what you're doing.

Traveling Abroad is one of the best ways for you to make money if you picked this group! It doesn't have to do anything with the occult. You could be a makeup artist, a dancer, doesn't matter. Traveling helps you expand your clientele, and puts more money in your pocket. Its a wonderful job.

If you picked...

999

Travel Abroad, Culture, Studying Abroad, Intellectuals, Thought-provoking conversations, Museums, Podcasts

Your looks is actually something that will propel you to new heights in this lifetime. Your personality, thoughts, creativity, and ideas will attract many followers and it could open up new doors along the way. Be open to being yourself in large crowds. You never know who might be listening! ;)

Whatever it is your selling, try going over seas and take that risk. Join a circus. Do something you have never done before. The unconventional works in your favor.

IF YOU PICKED.....

1111

YOU CREATE YOUR REALITY

Okay so this group is pretty special.

I get strong Emperor/Empress energy for you guys. This means, that you are capable of manifesting and willing in your desires with gratitude and connection to source. You don't have to beg, cry, or plead for the things you want to happen, they simply just do.

Enjoy this, because it is sweet. it is magic. it is free!

2222

ADVOCATE. JUSTICE. CREATE YOUR REALITY. STARTING STRONG. FILM. ENTREPENEUR. GLORY

Okay so this group has an interesting vibe. You guys advocate with groups. Protesting. Learning more about the city you operate in and being apart of it.

In this reality, you have to speak it and it will begin to will itself in your reality. You must be prepared for the work and effort you will have to put into this. it doesnt come free, cheap, or easy. Commitment will play a big role in how you move into what you want.

However, this group has the ability to serve the community in some way, and it will come back and reward them with recognition.

#pick a card #pick a number #intuitive readings #1111 #2222 #333 #111 #444 #555 #777 #999

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chaifootsteps · 6 months

Note

so someone made a tweet about how it's dangerous to portray abusers as 100% evil because they're frequently charming and have lives outside of the abuse they do, etc

and the thing is - they're right about that, but it's a massive stretch to apply it to Valentino

put it this way - if we want to understand abuse and avoid doing it ourselves, we collectively need to avoid othering abusers as incomprehensible monsters who cannot be understood, because then we can't learn how to recognize the signs and help the people who need it, or stamp out those urges within ourselves

but there's a difference betweent that and what Viv is doing with Val. the way Viv writes Val makes me think that she struggles to really want to condemn him for how he treats Angel. to her it's just a dramatic element to a story with the benefit of getting flowers for 'talking about abuse' when her handling of it is frequently cartoonish. most abusers don't hit their victims or abuse them in front of other people, but Val gives Angel a black eye right in front of the princess of hell, before they're due to do a shoot. both Val and Stella are incredibly stupid characters, and just like Crimson Viv's only understanding of abuse seems to be 'whatever makes my characters miserable and therefore sympathetic', instead of what it should be - a means of establishing a pattern of control

same reason why none of her shows allow the characters to escape or even try to kill their abuser despite it being set in Hell. the abusers just have to stick around forever for angst reasons. the only character who has managed to even attempt it is Stolas, and despite him having all the power, money and resources he could hope the show won't allow him to cut Stella out of his life because the divorce plotline is like a never ending nightmare in HB. a better show might use it as a comment on how abusers effectively terrorize their victims in lifelong campaigns for the upper hand, but here it's just an excuse to get the audience to feel sorry for a literal prince instead of questioning why he doesn't think it's wrong to extort sex out of someone far less wealthy and powerful than him

not to mention that part of the reason abusers are charming is to make it harder for their victims to come forwards and be believed. Val by comparison is just a pathetic wet cat who needs coddling by Vox and talking out of impulses that should have exposed him as an abuser long ago. in anyone else's hands I'd assume they were trying to do the thing The Idol attempted (the Weeknd's car wreck of a tv show) of pointing out the charming abuser isn't charming, they're just pathetic, but Viv herself seems to genuinely like Val and want people to simp for him

did Viv even write Angel's prequel comic? the Valentino in that is so much more convincing as an abuser - he restrains Angel's freedoms by threatening him, punishes him, demeans him, tries to keep him in a strict little box about what he is and isn't allowed to do, etc. and he does it in the privacy of a limo, around other employees, not where there'll be witnesses

Well said. I'd argue that it's fine to portray some abusers as 100% evil -- sometimes it works, and the world's no worse off for the abusive dog boyfriend from Courage existing -- but Viv does this thing where she refuses to portray abusers as 100% evil, or even evil period, if they're male characters she likes. Female characters like Stella? Need to be killed, then killed some more, and if you sympathize with them at all Viv will make fun of you publicly. It's so much more dangerous than if she just made them all outright monsters.

Also I don't know if Faustisse wrote the Angel prequel comic, but it wouldn't surprise me. The writing was too mature to be all Viv.

#Anonymous #viv stuff #vivziepop critical #actual blog post

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good-wine-and-cheese · 5 months

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Mermay!!! I get to make fish people AUs :)

Tenma is a merperson/siren/variant whose son was caught by a fishing vessel (and was either thrown back only to die of his injuries, or has not been seen since, his status unknown) which leaves Tenma resentful of the humans he was already suspicious towards. He has taken to attacking ships and has become something of a folkloric monster spoken of in hushed whispers by seafarers. He collects mechanical parts from wrecks (his own or others) to a secret cavern where he has been building an automaton in the image of his son that he hopes to use to exact final revenge on the humans that took his child from him.

Somewhere along the line he finds himself critically injured - many ships know of him now and have been arming themselves to fight back - and he's forced to flee, fully expecting to die from his wounds. Instead, he finds himself cared for by a bizarre human (Ochanomizu as like a marine biologist or something, there are many benefits etc) who seems not to care about the warnings told of his monstrous nature. Tenma fully intends to kill him when he recovers - and says as much, often - but Ochan keeps taking care of him regardless. And unfortunately, he's quite charming. Over the course of taking care of Tenma, Ochan shows him human kindness exists and convinces him not to take revenge on all of humanity (and, well, his plan probably wouldn't have worked anyway and do you really want to see the image of your son destroyed again)

In the alternate version where Tobio might not be dead, Ochan helps him find his son :(

#tetsuwan atom #astro boy #umataro tenma #my art #mermay #his design is based on a sailfish but I also contemplated snake....I just like drawing long tails #ngl its tempting to write something about this but once again....I know...I know it will be Long #I will finish my other fic and then my PLUTO one and then we'll see lol #I just want to write about weird fish creature tenma I think it would be fun #he ended up a little too moe..I need to draw him looking scrappy and mean and more threatening

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tallulah477 · 11 months

Text

❀ About Me | Asks: Open | Requests: Closed | My AO3 ❀

Hello! Welcome to my blog!

My name is Talie, but you can call me Tal. This blog contains works that are NSFW / 18+ and are meant for adult viewing only. Please do not interact if you are a minor. My works nearly always contain sexual elements or explicit smut, and might also explore darker themes (non-con, dub-con, stepcest, etc.) so please make sure to read ALL warnings listed at the beginning of each work.

This is a no judgement zone! Bullying will not be tolerated. Let's all remember that fiction is fiction, including all the events that happen to the characters and the characters themselves. Reading and writing is a way to dive into your fantasies and experience them in a safe and contained way. You are the only one who knows your limitations, so consume dark or inappropriate content at your own risk - but do not judge or hate on others for enjoying things that you don't and remember: okay in fiction does not equal okay in real life.

If you are under the age of 18 or smut / darker content might not be your thing, this is not the space for you. However, if all of this sounds exciting to you, then welcome! I hope you find something you enjoy!

Have fun! <3

✩ Comment here to be added to my main taglist :)

Collections

Luna's Kinktober 2023

Kinkmas 2023

Colors of Pandora 2024

Works

Too Much

Neteyam licks your pussy while you lick his kuru.

Prove To You (DARK)

It was only ever supposed to be a hookup, something fun to pass the time. But to Neteyam, it was so much more than that. He's in love with you, obsessed with you - his perfect little mate. But he doesn't know why you keep running away.

Feral (DARK)

You never understood why the Na'vi don't use this particular plant in their healing practices. It's a miracle plant for the humans - cutting healing times nearly in half when used as a topical paste. You would think it would have some similar benefits to the Na'vi. You would be wrong.

Playing Dirty (DARK)

Neteyam is supposed to be yours. Your mate. So who the hell does he think he is running around with someone else? You need to do something. In this game, you'll be the victor - not her. Even if that means you have to play a little dirty.

Soft Touches (Coming Soon)

You enjoy a nice lazy morning with your mate after a long night of celebration.

Drabbles:

Spider Headcanons

Reader reuniting with her mate after he is rescued from the RDA

Reader likes to fuck Spider in her head

Royalty AU (credit 🤍 Anon)

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five

Extras: One | Two

Drabbles:

Na’vi gets affected by the Blood Moon

Last Updated: 22 September 2024

#masterlist

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bioethicists · 1 year

Note

Your post about how the clinical process surrounding mental illness and addiction was really interesting!

I wonder what your thoughts are about Housing First models and Common Grounds models? Because I feel like they speak directly to your points and provide the needs but also a structure that can be relied on if one wishes to change oneself.

my job as a research assistant is actually doing an evaluation of the benefits of a massive housing first project in boston! i am a fan of housing first particularly because i think everyone should be housed + the possibilities for life shrink dramatically the second somebody is unhoused, regardless of their substance use status. unhoused ppl are treated as less than human (sometimes less than animal tbh) in many spaces. i also have a personal investment because my brother overdosed in part because of the fact that he had been kicked out of his living situation for using + was forced to use with a depressed tolerance in a remote location. if he had been in a housing situation which was not contingent on sobriety, where others may have been present to narcan him or he would not have had the immense stress + trigger of dogshit menial labor jobs needed to pay the ridiculous, price gouging rents at sober living- i mean, i can't speculate, but it's something i do think about.

i think my hesitation with how it can be implemented is, again, the assumption that the end goal for everyone is recovery. my position is not "well some people can't recover" or "well some people can't recover until xyz is met" but "nobody is obligated to recover, ever, and recovery is a subjective concept which can be put to extremely reactionary uses. i want to reduce people's suffering and increase their possibilities for life."

i do think, based on my work, that it's really important for people who are using substances to have access to resources which facilitate their safety and happiness + a lot of them would probably choose either sobriety, MAT, or safer drug use habits if that was something which was easy for them to do. they often express genuinely felt desires to "get better" (in whatever way that means to them or whatever way they hope it means to me) but similar, competing desires to continue experiencing the benefits of their drug use, as well as avoiding the negatives of sobriety. while i chafe at the idea that all people's "true selves" want to recover (in the specific way that recovery is constructed by substance use treatment providers), i do think that most people want to suffer less. things like methadone/suboxone (or safe, legal, surveillance free supply!!!), medications provided on site, easily accessible, non judgemental medical treatment, etc can save lives.

it's important for ppl to be very skeptical of who is allocating/managing the resources for these interventions + their motivations. to be frank, i get scared about the future of the (admittedly imperfect) housing projects i work with because they are funded by the state of MA with the primary goal being to get ppl off the street, because housed members of the community were complaining about the encampments. the state very clearly wants to see that these projects 1) reduce the prevalence of visible homelessness and 2) reduce the rate of drug use among participants. my job is very explicitly to collect and produce data that indicates this + the questions i ask when i collect data are quite explicitly centered around figuring out if being housed makes ppl use less drugs. the point here is that the state absolutely can + will revoke the massive amounts of money it has allocated towards these programs if they don't see them as making people Stop Doing Drugs or Stop Wandering the Streets. this is why i think harm reduction responses should be grassroots responses originating within + for communities, as described in some of the chapters of Saving Our Own Lives. unfortunately, these communities rarely have the infrastructure or the resources to implement these projects, so they must rely on the state + all of its messy biopolitical motives

#anti psychiatry #substance use #overdose //

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tarnishedxknight · 16 days

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FFXII Week ~ Day 1 Prompt: Favorite Character

{out of dalmasca} Disclaimer: This post may include canon-divergent interpretations of canon characters, info about OCs featured on this blog, and AUs that may not align with the canon plot/characters of FFXII and/or may contain triggering material.

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My favorite character in FFXII is Basch!

I love this character more than I can even say, heh. I've loved him for 18 years now and I just have such nostalgic affection for him. I loved his background and story, his patience and kindness, and his honor and wisdom. He's got flaws like anyone else, but he embodies so much of what I really love in fictional characters that there's no way I wasn't going to like the guy. XD

I was that person still routing for Ned Stark in Game of Thrones when everyone else said he was, as my D&D community has affectionately coined, "Lawful Stupid." It's what we called Lawful Good-aligned characters who held to their honor even when all hope was lost... and all common sense was out the window, heh. But to a seriously foolish degree. I've always loved characters like knights, paladins, and other assorted honorable warriors for a cause, but admittedly, a lot of them are too self-righteous, too arrogant, and they're Lawful in terms of alignment to the point of being ridiculous. The great thing about Basch is that he is a "White Knight" character archetype, but he's also very humanized. He's not infallible, he's not perfect, always a winner, always having all the answers, or larger than life in terms of power or intelligence. He's just... a well-meaning guy with a great heart whose made some questionable life decisions as a youth but basically cares about people and wants to further the greater good. To me, he seems like he has many of the good points of the trope without a lot of the bad ones.

Basch embodies the White Knight trope without being whiny, arrogant, self-righteous, or annoying. He also does it while having clear flaws, having things he regrets doing, mistakes he's made, and an inability to solve every single problem he comes across, much as he might want to. He's a very human and feel-good character, not at all negative, always hopeful, and the kind of honorable that goes without saying. He's genuinely selfless, and yeah, he holds onto his hope well past the point of most other characters and in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds. That could be seen as both a virtue and a character flaw, tbh, but that only makes him more interesting and relatable to me.

What I love most about Basch is that he's so damn good. Like, at a core, innate level. Good for the sake of good. Good because he cares about people and Dalmasca and Ivalice. Good because he's seen what war can do to people and he wants to be that shield in between war and innocent people. He's not acting good because he wants wealth, fame, rewards, praise, etc. He doesn't just think he's good but really he's a religious zealot or some completely misunderstood soldier of fortune. He's good... because he loves goodness, and all that it entails. Love, kindness, empathy, helping others, imparting wisdom, protecting others, enabling people to do things greater than himself in the name of some collective goal.

*shrugs* He's just a great guy. XD

But he's not without his flaws, and I feel like Basch's flaws are relatable and make him feel more like a rounded human being instead of a one-dimensional game character. He made a foolish and arrogant decision as a youth to reject Archadia and strike off on his own, ending up in Dalmasca. In doing that, he abandoned his brother Noah and their mother, leading to a lot of pain and suffering for Noah that would have repercussions throughout his life.

Basch also is way too trusting, forgiving, and he gives people the benefit of the doubt too easily and for too long. Noah goes on and on about everything Basch did to him, to their mother, to their homeland, etc., but does Basch ever turn around and go..... "Yeah well, you killed my king, framed me, imprisoned me, and tortured me, you suck too!" No, he doesn't. Basch never talks about his own struggles, save for a little bit with Ashe at the Phon Coast to help illustrate his point to her. He never points out to Noah that what he did years ago was the stupid decision of an impulsive, prideful, and scared child, whereas Noah's actions were premeditated acts of hurtful revenge and war. I'm not saying that engaging in a game of one-upmanship with somebody is something one should do, but Basch could defend himself, or remind Noah that he has done some terrible things to... but he never does.

He never suspects Vossler at all. My version of Vossler was working with Gabranth and the Archadians well before the events of the game, and he was instrumental in helping to orchestrate Raminas' assassination. But even just taking the canon version, Basch looks just about as close to the shocked Pikachu meme when Vossler finally shows his cards on the Leviathan, heh. Was he blinded by friendship? Not noticing the signs? Telling himself that all those times Vossler kept showing up in places conveniently, it was perfectly normal? Maybe. I guess we'll never know, but not only was Basch too trusting of Vossler, he continued to sing his praises even after they literally duel to keep Vossler from screwing with their plans. "I would ne'er gainsay your loyalty," Basch says. Really? Really, Basch? XD

So yeah, Basch is not without his flaws, and that's okay. That's... honestly great. Perfect characters are boring. But being flawed doesn't stop him from being an inspirational character, it just makes him a more human one, imo. His honor and selflessness might make us feel like he's too far above us to be understood, or too ideal of a character to feel realistic, but then there are the flaws to bring him back down to our level again. To show us that, at the end of the day, he's still only a man, and all men are flawed.

I love, too, in a game where there are a lot of yelling, angry, volatile characters (Ashe, Bergan, Vayne, Cid, Vaan, etc.), that Basch is a calming force. Never once does he gets truly angry in the entire game, not even at Vossler's betrayal, nor at Noah's taunting. He just has a very aloe vera effect on my brain, haha, being a voice of reason, an adult in the room, so to speak, while not needing to shout or curse or become violent to get his points across.

Does anyone else love Basch too or consider him to be their favorite? Feel free to comment! =)

#{ out of dalmasca } ᵒᵒᶜ #FFXII Week 2024

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hunxi-after-hours · 2 years

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hey, anon from the anti-authoritarian wuxia ask a while back, took a looksee through Stephen Teo's The Wuxia Tradition and the essays about danmei you mentioned in your response, which was really great and insightful! i think what's so interesting to me about the modern wuxia tradition as we understand it now is that its purpose from the very beginning was to be nationalistic propaganda, which obviously carries into contemporary wuxia adaptations and new works today. (1/7)

(long ask, long response! conversation begun here; everything else under the cut)

but what makes the genre compelling to me is that wuxia offers so many glimpses into these potentially transformative visions of a radical future- wuxia presents a vision of a society in which communities have the autonomy to express themselves, support each other, and create their world through creative and collective activity. and all of this is facilitated by the the nebulous jianghu setting, which is this alternative space more or less free from the grip of the imperial state, (2/7)

which it unintentionally ends up being just by virtue of existing far from the imperial core. and obviously class hierarchies imposed by wealth and power still exist within the jianghu, but like, that autonomous nature of the jianghu is something I'd be curious to see be developed and pushed further. what would it look like within a wuxia narrative to explore the idea of an intentionally and explicitly anti-imperial, stateless, classless jianghu, and what would it take to get there? (3/7)

that vision of an alternate autonomous society is built upon these very rigid worldviews that don't challenge the audience (i.e. nationalism, pale-skinned conventional beauty standards, xenophobia, the idea of disability as something to be overcome, etc) that were baked into the inception of the genre, and which undermine said radical potential. and i guess that's my gripe with danmei too. (4/7)

i feel similarly about people who treat the consumption of danmei as an inherently progressive political act as I do to the way I feel about neoliberalism: it presents a facade of progressivism without actually meaningfully existing in opposition to oppressive structures. and, like you mentioned, both danmei and wuxia have yet to hit that moment of reckoning. i'm aware the direction these things go are massively shaped by geo-sociopolitical forces outside of the creators' control, etc. (5/7)

but so many people benefit from access to the imperial core in ways they aren't or don't care to be aware of. and to me, that is what makes art so important - it has the potential to not only expose the monstrous ways in which a society derives its power, it also has the hopeful ability to imagine transformative, non-oppressive futures. (6/7)

you're right that the cultural shift that would spark a post-colonial reckoning in Chinese literature and art needs to be spearheaded by Chinese creatives themselves. as an invested bystander, I'm curious to see where this goes. sorry this was so long, but thank you for your time! (7/7)

hello again anon!! glad you enjoyed looking through Teo and found his writing insightful! I think in many ways the conversations we’re trying to have about danmei, wuxia, internet literature, and some nebulous postcolonial reckoning are somewhat ahead of the curve, which is why we’re here being like “I want to read something like this!” only to find that said work hasn’t necessarily been created yet (again, if anyone’s got any leads, I’m all ears)

I do also think it’s worthwhile to note that a significant factor in why danmei and/or internet literature may not be as daring and subversive as we wish it were is the simple, starkly pragmatic fact that these works need to sell. they need to be attractive and fun, gripping and engrossing, to even make it in the cutthroat environment of the various literature cities. the competition is vicious and the readership unforgiving; last year saw at least one WeChat article about the intense pressure of being a webnovelist, and how the soul-crushing pressure of trying to break into the rankings has pushed authors towards suicide. with the popularization of the genre comes increased competition, and with increased competition comes a streamlining of new works towards established precedents of success (the proliferation of wuxia/xianxia/xuanhuan, particular distinctive CP dynamics, etc). 内卷 is here in the danmei genre as well, which makes it difficult to innovate or experiment, particularly if you’re not already an established author

it’s the Hollywood argument for keeping people of color out of leading roles; writing a text that tackles certain social issues (particularly ones that challenge current mores of Chinese society) is a risk, and quite frankly, most authors don’t have the time or the luxury to gamble. this is not to say that current authors aren’t leveraging their established readership and fanbase to write away from popular taste (priest’s 《桥头楼上》 comes to mind, which is a formal departure from her previous works and a trenchant examination of certain social issues), but that the current environment in which creative works are produced aren’t quite favorable to that kind of exploration and subversion — yet

another thing to keep in mind is the role that danmei (and other web literature) plays in the lives of its readers; yes, art has such powerful potential to call upon society to reflect on the injustices and cruelties built into it, but also art — and danmei in particular — is a powerful purveyor of escapism. many Chinese readers and consumers of danmei and related products/adaptations find a haven in these texts, and people seeking comfort are not necessarily prepared for critically examining social injustices in their escapism. again, I’m not trying to say that there is no place for subversion and exploration in danmei literature, but rather highlight the way reader preferences and demands might discourage writers from going too far afield

meanwhile, if I may be presumptuous enough to throw more reading in the air, here are some texts that this conversation is bringing to mind:

The Water Outlaws by S.L. Huang (forthcoming): a genderspun reception of Shi Nai’an’s 《水浒传》, often considered to be the forerunner of the wuxia genre. Guaranteed to get in the weeds and messy about gender, power, imperial centers of power, marginalized marshlands of subversiveness just by the literal concept of its writing

She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan: the closest work I know of to a fiercely diasporic genderqueered cdrama, in which Han centrism is examined and found wanting

《无污染，无公害》 by priest: priest is not necessarily the author I would suggest when it comes to, ah, postcolonial thought, but I just finished reading 《无污染，无公害》 last month and was struck by its profoundly cynical deconstruction of the wuxia genre. priest brings wuxia into the modern day and examines the many ways in which the 快意恩仇 fantasy of jianghu morality and subversiveness clashes with contemporary ethics and laws. beyond that, I think reading an author’s non-danmei works is profoundly enlightening critical and theoretical exercise that definitely re-contextualizes assumptions made about the danmei genre and its writers

“Zhang Yimou’s Hero: Reclaiming the Martial Arts Film for ‘All Under Heaven’” by Feng Lan: this was the first paper I ran into that really got into the weeds of the controversial “天下” at the end of the film, and also introduced me to the recent history and discussions of “tianxiaism,” which is particularly interesting when it comes to discussions about nationalism, imperialism, and postcolonialism in contemporary China in general and the wuxia genre in particular

“Homosexualizing Boys Love in China: Reflexivity, Genre Transformation, and Cultural Interaction” by Xi Tian: I know I’ve gushed about this paper elsewhere, but this is only paper I’ve found so far that examines how the danmei genre has shifted and changed over the past few decades in response to reader feedback, shifting societal opinions, and self-reflection, and it’s fascinating

whew, okay, this is long enough! one last thing, from one invested bystander to another: don’t let anything stop you from creating the content you wish to see in the world <3

#心怀杂念字数无量 #further abuse of the one thinky tag I have #hunxi thinks about danmei and gender

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mushroom-jack · 9 months

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Tompercy AU Masterpost

As I'm taking a step back from tompercy for the time being, and having just finished my main ASOR-related WIP, I thought it would be a good idea to gather all my tompercy thoughts all in one accessible place (written and non-written). This post is also linked in my pinned. I am still technically taking prompts for this ship, though no promises in terms of filling them; you can also request any AU from the unwritten section of this post, and I'll do my best to oblige since I already have thoughts for most of those :)

Also, anyone is allowed to write a fic based on any of my prompts, or transform any of my works (ie translation, writing another story in one of my established universes, write something inspired by my fics/prompts, etc; just don’t repost my fics wholesale) — I simply ask that you link it to me somehow so that I can check it out!

Written

Superhero AU: a civilian and a mercenary (mid-length; series of one-shots) Features Percy as the only civilian in a family of superheros, a Deathstroke-inspired Tom as the world's deadliest mercenary, and a something-with-benefits type relationship.

Royalty AU(s): you should see me in a crown (short; series of one-shots) Tom is the heir to the throne, and Percy is a spy on a mission to kill the king totally normal librarian. Bizarre yearning vibes.

a mask of my own face (short one-shot) Mostly platonic, but still tompercy-centric; Tom is a well-known mercenary, and Percy is his mysterious masked client.

Vampires AUs: Crimson (short one-shot) Percy is a vampire, Tom is a wizard. Unarguably erotic, but somehow not erotica.

Sanguine (even shorter one-shot) Tom is a vampire, Percy is a wizard. Spiritual successor to Crimson. Somehow even more erotic (but still not erotica).

Faerie (And Adjacent) AUs: offer me his lips (short one-shot) Percy is fae, because the the urge to make him some kinda creature is never-ending. Tom is a wizard hoping to make a deal.

monsters of a feather (short one-shot + bonus) Tom is one of the most feared pirates to still sail the seas; Percy is a siren caged in the bowels of his ship, only ever let out to lure other ships into Tom's waiting hands.

ASOR Canon Divergence: Beloved (short two-shot) AU where tompercy is roommates during the war. Bizarre vibes just in general; the first tompercy fic I ever wrote.

crucio (short two-shot) AU where Percy becomes Tom's sworn companion at some unspecified time, presumably post-war. Bizarrely kind of erotic, but mostly fluffy.

lay all your love on me (fairly longform; it's about 30k words) ASOR alternate ending; canon divergent from the Forbidden Forest confrontation. Tom learns how to love. Featuring some of my favorite tags from any of my fics: "Percy Weasley is Bad at Feelings / 'Bad at feelings' doesn't even BEGIN to describe what's wrong with Tom Riddle". >> Now with sequel, which is about 10k words, and is mostly erotica with character study.

communing with dangerous men (shortform multi-shot) Vaguely associated with lay all your love; a Percy in some sort of post-war established relationship is thrown back in time to the late 1940s, when Tom is working at Borgin and Burke's. An even darker tompercy than I usually write, with lots of codependency, obsessive devotion, and eroticized gore.

1943 (short one-shot) Percy time travels for a third time, back to 1943; this is a gothic writing style study, but also one of my favorites on this list.

sworn companionship (short one-shot) similarly to it's golden hour somewhere, this is a collection of vignettes – variations on the theme "Percy Weasley as Tom Riddle's sworn companion". Features an ASOR bad ending, a Hogwarts AU, a Wool's Orphanage AU, and vignettes associated with lay all your love on me and communing with dangerous men

Other/Miscellaneous: it's golden hour somewhere (collection of short one-shots) This is a collection of three one-shots featuring tompercy interacting in the sun, following the theme, "in another world, we could've been so happy". Features a professor AU, a coffee shop AU, and a bonus/missing scene canon compliant to ASOR.

it ain't love (if it don't hurt) (extremely short one-shot) unclear what universe this takes place in; basically erotica, but lacking genitalia. The intimacy of torture.

little rabbit (short pwp one-shot) An omegaverse porn w/o plot, featuring a wolf!Tom and a bunny!Percy. No heat/rut/mating cycles, if you're not into that sort of thing, but there are still cnc elements; Tom chases Percy down in the woods.

pomegranate hearts (mid-length; series of one-shots) Featuring Percy as Hades, king of the dead and the underworld, Tom as Persephone, young god of spring all growing, sprouting things, and a tangible power dynamic so skewed in Percy's favor that their relationship comes out looking something like one of equals. Also, has a wider cast of characters than my usual fics, including Abraxas, Severus, and a more fanon-flavored Harry Potter than an ASOR flavored one.

From My Ideas Folder (Unwritten):

a civilian and a mercenary AU: Percy is trying to get a coffee when the shop is suddenly being held up. He's fully ready to go along with the hostage situation, just wanting to get his coffee and then go to work, but Tom shows up out of the blue and is having absolutely none of it.

Alternative relationship reveal: 5 times someone found out about Percy and Tom, and 1 time Percy actually told them. Featuring, probably, Tonks, Severus, and various Weasleys.

Time Travel AU(s): Percy time travels to the early 1940s and beats the shit out of someone for calling Tom a mudblood.

Time Traveler's Wife-esque AU where the sworn companionship ritual between Percy and Voldemort goes wrong or gets interrupted; a Percy who's soul is fundamentally attached to Tom's gets flung through time, appearing to young Tom at various points in his life (either involving scenes at Wool's Orphanage, Hogwarts, while Tom is working at Borgin and Burke's, while he is traveling the world, etc... OR Percy is transported to Tom immediately after he makes each horcrux, for a total of 7 times).

AU where Percy throws himself back in time a 3rd time to the 1930s... and it severely fucks up, leaving him in the body of 5 year old without the full mind, maturity, or memories of his adult self, with only snippets of nightmares and general motivations to guide him. He grows up alongside Tom at Wool's Orphanage, trying to protect him and take care of him, and they share an extremely intimate co-dependent relationship as kids that starts to rupture when they receive their Hogwarts letters. A snippet of this AU can be found in sworn companionship, and it's tentatively named guardian angel

communing with dangerous men sequel tentatively named step two: getting a pet dog potentially coming soon... 👀

ASOR Canon Divergence: Alternate ending where Tom wins the war, but Percy dies and comes back as a ghost (but Wrong; possibly soul-related complications, something sworn companionship related???). Percy has some form of amnesia, and either follows Tom around like a lost dog or haunts their flat, which Tom refuses to move out of for some reason.

Alternate ending where post-war Percy is told that all physical forms of Voldemort have been successfully destroyed, but a remnant remains harmlessly attached to his soul, mostly powerless, destined to die once he does. This results in a benevolent possession, Venom-esque dynamic where Tom is a snarky asshole living in Percy's head and occasionally taking over his body, and Percy just has to deal with that now.

Lay all your love adjacent t4t AU, with a transmasc!Tom who transitioned in childhood + promptly obliviated everyone into believing he was always male, and a very repressed transfem!Percy that Tom is slowly manipulating and coercing into being more feminine. I myself am genderqueer, but I find that I rarely write trans characters, so this would ultimately be an interrogation of that habit, a joyful study of transgender identity, and a massive fuck you to JK Rowling. Tentatively named portrait of a female

Other/Miscellaneous: Selkie!Percy AU tentatively named Salinity. Percy saves a young, orphanage-era Tom, they interact throughout the years, and Tom eventually returns to steal Percy's coat.

Animal hybrid AU with a bunny!Percy living in a cottage doing wizard stuff, and a wolf!Tom who breaks and enters in order to steal a magical artifact (I'm thinking a horcrux that Percy found by complete accident). And then he accidentally gets dog adopted. And then Percy has to contend with the fact that his new wolf familiar is actually a particularly attractive dark wizard. This one would be really funny honestly, it just seems kinda long. Also, Percy has massive glasses and velvety ears, by necessity of the AU.

Percy is a wizard who traveled a long ways to learn arcane magics from the immortal sage he heard is living in this mountaintop cave. Tom is a dragon that lives in a mountaintop cave, and who is not against adding this plucky young wizard to his hoard.

Short one-shot; Tom is a professional duelist, and Percy is very impressed.

Some sort of mixed-generation AU where Tom and Percy have been together since Hogwarts; after graduation they move in together, and Percy provides for the two of them with his Prewett heirship and ministry job. Tom is promiscuous and disloyal, Percy is devoted and willfully ignorant of Tom's various affairs – when he eventually confronts Tom, Tom casually leaves him for one of the many purebloods he's been courting, leaving Percy searching for a way to win him back. Vaguely inspired by the novel Naomi by Junichiro Tanizaki.

Kink community AU where Tom is an event host in the local community and Percy has stumbled upon the scene by complete accident at age 18-19. Drawn to Percy's naivete and vulnerability, Tom takes care to portray himself as being trustworthy (as he's something of a community leader), and takes Percy under his wing in order to take advantage of him.

Trafficlight SMP/death games AU with Tom as an extremely prolific killer on his red life, and Percy on his green life but nonetheless absolutely dedicated to serving Tom. Featuring red life bloodlust, irrational loyalty to what should've been a temporary alliance, betrayal, and reluctant affection/devotion. Tentatively named I bet on losing dogs.

Percy Weasley is the Dark Lord's favorite Death Eater. Could be ASOR bad ending/Voldemort wins AU, could be a Percy legitimately chooses to join Voldemort AU

#tompercy #a study of resonance

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mirror-to-the-past · 1 year

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So.... I bolted to the finish line of Dream Drop as I had nothing else to do today.

I am still collecting many thoughts, sentiments, attempts at analysis, etc, as I always do, but this game just had a lot to offer so I'm still weeding through the freshly tilled flowerbed that is my brain at the moment. Holy mother of run-on sentences (you're gonna see a lot of those).

First off, I wanna thank this game for doing so much for Sora and Riku's characters. The inverse development they had through the course of the plot was really interesting to follow, actually, and none of it's out of nowhere!

Since KH1, Sora's had the repression subplot and embracing the strength of others as his own. Here, he tried to do the same, but with everything that's happened to him since, all of which he doesn't even necessarily remember, and all of the emotions and memories he's been touched with and made more and more aware of- he's on shaky ground and the same ol' methods don't fit like they used to! Understandable! And Xehanort/13 Darkness gang just feeds into that. He expands on Sora's questioning of his identity, suggests the lack of validity of his emotions. Everything that could be used to describe Sora in a positive light in wake of what's happened to him, he finds a negative spin on it to really dig at Sora's core:

'You're confused about the direction your life has taken? Hm, wonder how much of you is even real. Your emotions? Memories? Could be fabrications. Or someone else's. Who knows...'

'Your heart is a refuge for lost souls, hoping to find a new future? Nah, screw that. Your heart's a prison. Your very existence binds people, Sora. And of course, you just love holding people back.'

'Aw, you follow where your heart leads? Cute. People's feelings have never led them astray before, huh? Why don't you just keep being a precious little idiot though, it works great for us.'

Xigbar particularly, was brutal as always. Loved the scenes with him and Sora in The World that Never Was. So well crafted. He towers over him, gets all up in Sora's business and you can see how uncomfortable Sora is. He pokes directly at Sora's two biggest insecurities:

Weakness; being incapable and helpless.

Not being wanted/needed, or dragging others down.

He goes on his whole spiel where he specifically highlights how Sora's pretty much leftovers. He acts like he's a good for nothing- "As if the Keyblade would choose a wimp like you." And childish for simply feeling the pain of others: "Oh... thank you, Sora's heart, for pushing him right into our clutches. Aren't hearts great? Steer us wrong every time." (Love that line) And Sora figures out that Nobodies have the capability of essentially learning to gain their own heart (CALLED IT, YES- BUT ALSO 😭 you poor guys. I think every party that could have benefitted either didn't care or didn't figure it out.), only to be further disparaged by Xemnas essentially being like 'Yeah, and then they got manipulated anyway, hah. Just like you.' Just two grown ass men bullying and gaslighting a teenage boy to heighten his insecurities. Because "possession" just seems to be a symbol for one losing themselves.

Xehanort as a character just gives those vibes of an individual who takes, takes, and breaks someone down until they don't feel like themselves anymore, becoming an extension of their manipulator. He preys upon vulnerability and lack of self assurance and it's so good, hah. So, that's the reading I find most appropriate for his thematic relevance, in relation to KH's continuous crisis of what makes up an identity. I mean, just look at how Xehanort describes the others they were considering as a dark vessel- Riku's "immune to the darkness," in other words, immune to obfuscation/has more solid connections. Roxas was considered as too driven, assured in his place in Sora's heart when he forged his own trial-by-fire path. Both people that came to peace with themselves and what they wanted through hardship, one way or another. Now, I'm not saying Sora hasn't felt hardship, but when your theme is "repression," he's up against amnesia, feelings of others encroaching on his own, and a lack of self evaluation. He has more of himself in others, at the moment, and that's leaving him vulnerable.

So, you can only imagine how Sora feels at the game's conclusion, denied a rank of Keyblade Master, those words lingering in his mind as one of the most recent things he's heard, near death(?) experience, and Sora had been filled in I'm sure on how Riku was endangering himself for Sora's sake. I'm sure he feels super great about all that.

(His "What do you want me to see?!" line after Roxas disappeared... haha... I'm well.)

Meanwhile, Riku. His whole arc was the polar opposite! By the end of this game, he was the most self assured than we've seen him the whole series! 🎉 Hooray! At least someone gets to be happy! :'D

But for real, *wow.* Personal quip, I doubt I need to go heavily into the queer connotations of Riku's journey to easier vulnerability and self acceptance, especially in this game, because I'm sure anyone who takes time to read this can probably see it, but wow. The way he learned to change his reflexes and actions throughout the course of the story in a number of small, meaningful ways was so sweet. It was cheesy, sure, but him openly laughing with the other teens in Traverse Town. Him admitting to the nature of his insecurities to help another, and then getting comforted by Esmeralda in return, who assured him it was understandable to have walls around his heart/keep parts of himself separate from the world when he was still unsure and figuring out his feelings (lines that drive me crazy, 2023). Him rolling his eyes at the "All for one and one for all," motto before reflecting on Sora's openness and inclusion, and deciding to give it a try, himself. So many little things where he learned to laugh and reminisce freely and it reminded me of the snippet of how he was when he was younger in BBS, which, speaking of- all those steps towards healthiness made it so that throughout the entire game, unlike CoM, where he fought in darkness with self hate, and Days, where he lost himself completely, he never battled with notable levels of internal darkness to try to win anything. He found his strength to protect the things that matter, like he always wanted, by being himself, unapologetically.

...I wish I played this game in middle school or something. Alas.

(Also Riku Dream Eater theory was a go, boys! Also like how there was no explanation other than *X. Heartless voice* "Yes adopted son of darkness, you were down so bad you changed species to protect Sora from bad dreams as soon as you subconsciously felt suspicious vibes." And that's all we're gonna fucking get, so deal with it *mic drop*. 😂 Was pleasantly surprised Sora's clothes were also plot relevant, and I feel better about disliking them now. They branded him, eugh.)

Speaking of being yourself, but perhaps being too many of yourselves, in this case, here's my obligatory "cries at the endgame" sentiments. This one was less hype than the others, but punched me directly in the heart instead. Oh. My. GOD? That whole sequence of Riku diving into Sora's heart (with all of his memories floating past? Lord I'd be so embarrassed if I was ever in such a situation- it's so personal, y'know?), entering its innermost reaches, answering the questions... holy guacamole guys I think I left a part of me on those sunset beaches, there. That whole scene was a KH1 reference with the questions (I answered in terms of how I best thought Riku would answer), Riku and Xion's sitting placements on the Paopu tree (also Riku saw Xion as Sora *fist pumps in sad success*), and I'm almost *certain,* especially since it was right before "What are you most afraid of" that my theory of Riku overhearing the Sora&Kairi dock convo in the first game was valid. I mean, just look at the dude's face after staring out at the sunset. M'boy Riku looked downright melancholy and I trust KH microexpressions with my life. (And speaking of microexpressions, Sora's smile looked suspiciously forced when congratulating Riku on becoming a Master, poor fella. He was trying so hard to be a good sport about everything with that messy situation.)

Dream Drop Distance did so much with how we're finally having all of the separate plot points converge and it was so surprisingly satisfying. Sora seems to be picking up more about Naminé, he's aware of Xion and is trying to figure out who she is. Roxas seems to be losing himself or doubting who he is outside Sora and aaaahh?? No?! My beautiful boy, don't do this, we'll get you out! I miss Axel, but we've got Lea, who keeps getting deadnamed (he got chosen as a Wielder by the universe for his troubles). I want to see more of Ienzo, he endears me, especially when he's told "shut up nerd" by Lea. Foreshadowing about Ventus (when he smiled upon feeling Sora's happiness with the Dream Eaters post-credits, something got me in my core about imagining Ventus experiencing all of Sora's joys and hurts while he grew up. I wonder if he'll feel any affection for Sora's friends as if they were his own, as well.). We finally got Ansem's data he implanted within Sora. Kairi is being brought back into the plot since KH2!! HYPE! *On my hands and knees*

Anyway this game was good. I probably have more to say because there was just so much but yeah.

Edit: Almost forgot the thing I groaned at my TV for earlier! ^_^

*ahem*

They composed a Heartsong and each of their hearts play a piece of a Duet version of Dearly Beloved, which is the Title Theme for the Entire Franchise, and Definitely Doesn't have any romantic connotations as a phrase or anything. Also they Definitely do not have a Two-Part-One-Whole Keyblade that isn't (so far, I'll catch up) explained, and is a phenomena not previously noted throughout the games, that has a Paopu Fruit hanging off the end.

Man, all this stuff tuckers an epic gamer out. Think I'll go replay Hades, Stardew Valley, Undertale/Deltarune as a break, considerably less gay games. (Har, har)

#kingdom hearts #dream drop distance first playthrough #dream drop distance #kh ddd #kh riku #riku #kh sora #sora #xehanort #happy pride to sora and riku I guess #what a month to first play ddd in

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