#even he himself doesnt understand and he doesnt attempt to and he doesnt realise

[gunstellations]

gentle mornings

[evie-sturns]

ᴇxᴀᴍ - ᴍᴀᴛᴛ ꜱᴛᴜʀɴɪᴏʟᴏ

summary: you're mind is clouded with stress due to the fact your final highschool exams are next week. matt comes over to help you with studying, and also to take your mind off everything.

contains: smut, fluff, small age gap?, swearing, crying.

—--------------------≪•◦ ❈ ◦•≫-----------------——

matt and i have known each other since he was 13 and i was 11, our families have been super close for around 7 years. a year ago Matt confessed to me, I felt the exact same.

"oh my fucking god." i groan, throwing my head into my hands as i feel a burning sensation at the back of my throat.

its my final exam week starting tomorrow, and i'm attempting to catch up on last minute homework beforehand. matt graduated 2 years ago, he was top of his class, i pick up my phone and dial his number.

i need desperate help.

"hey!" matt says into the phone, a smile clear by his voice.

i sniffle quickly before starting "please come over nothing is making sense." my voice wobbles as i clutch the phone in my hand.

"oh fuck-.. no yeah ill be round in 5 minutes okay?" he says gently into the phone.

i nod like he can see me, then hang up.

-

i hear my bedroom door opening, my head snaps up to look at him from my bed. hes got worry painted across his face as i see his eyes dart over my matress, which has several books on it. "you okay?" he asks, walking over to my bed and sitting down on it opposite me.

i shake my head "i can't do this shit" i groan, matt nods understandably before grabbing my hands and pulling them away from my face.

"look at me" he says in a serious tone, i tilt my head up and lock eyes with him. "i'm gonna help you okay?"

"thank you," i say as my voice breaks.

he sits up and walks over by my side before plopping down on the bed next to me, he grabs the textbook which has around 15 questions left on it. "not even ai understands it, i tried." i sigh earning a laugh from matt, i lean my head on his shoulder.

"basic algebra, you know this, i know you do sweetheart."

i shake my head "my brains so fucking foggy i bet you i couldnt do a 6th grade multiplication table right now."

"foggy like how" he questions, tilting his head.

"just everything i have so much on my mind." i reply lifting my head off his shoulder and staring at the questions.

"you're okay, look- 'factorising an algebraic equation means writing the expression as product of factors, which are simpler algebraic expressions, this is done..." the rest of what matt says doesnt get through to me, i cant physically wrap my mind around it right now.

i feel my eyes start to water before several tears start to flow down my cheeks, "got it?" matt asks, keeping his eyes fixated on the page resting on the sheets. i stay silent "hello?" he says again, this time looking over at me.

"oh god- no no don't cry" matt panics, grabbing my cheeks and giving me a gentle kiss.

"i can't think." i squeeze out, matt wraps around me. "this might not sound like good timing but, i can.. help you?" he says nervously, grimacing slightly.

i hand him the pencil, his words not passing through. "no no, like i can take your mind off of the work for a little bit" he repeats.

realisation hits me and my eyebrows raise, my head snapping round to look at matt who has an innocent expression plastered on his face. i nod, and without another word my shirt is halfway across the room.

he laughs quietly, his shirt meeting mine in the corner of the room. his chain lays loose on his bare chest. he stands up off the bed, i lie back. "i want you to just be a... - like a uh" my eyebrows scrunch "a what?"

"i hate the word but its the best way i can describe it." matt chuckles, "say it!" i smile

"pillow princess..?" he says quietly, icking himself out.

"okay" i shake my head with a wide grin before.

matts long cold fingers reach out to grab the waistband of my sweatpants, sending goosebumps down my body. he tugs at it gently, letting it slide down my legs.

"you okay?" he asks while unclasping his belt "i think?" i reply stupidly.

he nods, his tongue sticking out to wet his now dry lips. his baggy jeans pool at his ankles, leaving him in his boxers.

"ready?"

i nod, "yep-..yeah"

he stands between my legs before hovering over me, colliding our lips together aggressively.

it never fails to shock me how he can switch from so innocent to so.. different.

i moan lightly into the kiss as i feel his clothed bulge against my inner thigh. he abrubtly pulls away from the kiss pecking kisses down my neck, to my chest, to my stomach.

i squirm desperately on the bed as he pauses just above my clit.

"more." i whine, matt shakes his head, lifting his head up and grabbing my thighs he spreads them further apart.

i throw my head back "fuck." i breathe, before i can breath again matts tip presses against my clit. i instantly look up, questioning how hes just undressed the rest of the way in under a second.

he runs his soft tip through my folds, he presses only an inch or 2 inside of me before he pulls out, continuing to tease me.

"matt i need you." i groan, my back arching off the bed.

"can you get on fours for me sweetheart?" he asks softly, i nod, instantly flipping over and arching my back.

"good girl." he coos, lining himself up with me. "gonna keep being whiny?" he asks, i shake my head no. "thats right." he says.

"this is whats gonna happen okay? you aren't gonna start asking me to slow down because i think we both know how needy you were just acting."

fuck.

i dont think a single sentence has ever turned me on more.

i nod frantically, matt presses down on my back, arching my back more.

i feel him slide halfway inside of me slowly before slamming the rest of his length into me, earning a squeal from me.

before i can even process my thoughts hes slamming full force into me, deeper and deeper each time. my moans cloud the room along with heavy breaths coming from matt.

his tip continues to bruise my cervix, i clench around him each time it does.

"fuck-.." i hear matt whimper lowly from behind me.

he reaches a hand round under me and presses on my lower stomach.

hes never done that before, but holy fuck am i glad he did.

i instantly release over matts cock, clenching harshly around him with a scream.

matt pulls out, releasing over my back.

"you-you okay?" he stammers breathlessly, flopping down beside me.

i nod, my mind fully blank.

i guess him 'helping clear my head' worked.

-

matt finishes redressing me before sitting back down next to me, the air around us is hot and thick, but matts still determened to get this homework done.

"okay- so as i was saying factorising an algebraic equation means writing the expression as product of factors...

-

matt and i have been working through the textbook for about 20 minutes, everything makes sense and now i can't understand what i wasnt understanding earlier.

"you try this one okay?" matt hands me the pencil and i start to scribble down the awnsers. "you got it!" he smiles proudly, kissing my cheek.

i yawn, tired out from.. everything.

"you tired?" he asks, wrapping him arms around me and flopping down on the mattress. "very." i reply, my voice croaky.

"you wanna sleep, we can finish this tomorrow morning okay? and ill just drop you off at school or whatever." he asks, without another word im fast asleep on his chest.

1:24am

i wake up to the sound of pencil scribbling on paper, confused i sit up. matts sitting criss cross on the bed, leaning down over my textbook and filling in all the awnsers.

"matt?" i groan, rubbing my eyes.

"go back to sleep gorgeous," he replys, looking back at me

"what are you doing.." i ask, my eyes adjusting to the light.

"im doing this for you, you already know how to do it, i saw you. you're gonna be too tired to do this in the morning." he says.

i crawl over to matt and smother him in kisses "maattt, thats adorable."

"shush, this is a one time thing." he replys, shaking his head with a smirk.

--------------------

[cringefail-clown]

Jakehal is very fun. But why dirkkri? I dont understand what's appealing about it :? confused

theres a lot of things i like about dirkri and honestly i dont even know where to start lmfao

first of all, and its mostly a funny reason - davekat on crack. like some traces of davekat are still there - the arguing about shit, stoic facade vs emotional mess, all the good stuff, but its also so much more exaggerated it makes it this much more ridiculous. gets even better when you consider them under the lense of swap aus like alphaswitch or tbau, where they land on the meteor together. theyre most likely hunting each other for sports by the year two

second of all, the funney. theyd be so fucking funny together. their smallest arguments would take like twenty pages of non-stop flow of red-orange text to resolve, and not because they came to a consensus but because some third party physically dragged them away from their electronics. it doesnt do any good, since it only gives them both time to think over new arguments to use, and theyre back at it as soon as they get their phones back. like if we had a tournament about which ship would do the most collateral damage to the overall group, i think these two would be Up There. karkat would gauge his eyes out from frustration, because now not only does he have to deal with his piece of shit, know-it-all other self, but now theres also Fucking Dirk thrown into the mix. their home life is absolute insanity, a small jab about the other forgetting to buy sugar once again devolves into a screaming match about the merits and flaws of communism or some other inane shit. and theyre doing it for fun, they enjoy debating with each other, because often times they have vastly different opinions, and comparing their beliefs challenges them intelectually and morally. from the outside perspective theyre one of the most dysfunctional pair in the paradox space, when in fact thats simply how they want their relationship to be, and it makes them better people overall.

third reason is that theyre thematically delicious. dirk is a control freak, micromanaging his and his friends constantly. hes terrified of losing control, but hes also desperate for someone to just tell him what the fuck he should do. dirk doesnt think he should be in control of others, because he believes hes a naturally evil person capable of horrible acts, at the same time he doesnt trust anyone else to get things done but himself. hes a whole collection of contradictions.

kankri desperately needs to be in control as well. hes constantly injecting himself into conversations he has no business being in, trying to find someone thatd listen to what he has to say. hes wants to guide others, but his efforts are flawed, because he doesnt listen to other perspectives - hes got tunnel vision, as he thinks hes the one in the right while everyone else is wrong or ignorant (cringefail seer literally). he doesnt trust anyone else to make decisions for him, and becomes defensive when he thinks others are attempting to coddle him. his ass was definitely culled on beforus.

theyre also both so fucking lonely. dirk conciously tries to put difference between himself and his friends, worrying hell "corrupt" them. kankri tries to connect to his friends, but his behavior alienates him from them to the point of no one except maybe porrim want to have anything to do with him.

my point is, kankri wants to guide people but has to learn to listen to others and reflect on his own flawed opinions. dirk has to learn to trust that people closest to him can get shit done on their own and loosen up, as well as realise hes not evil at the core. them helping each other out - dirk teaching kankri about different perspectives, kankri teaching dirk about letting others do their thing - is something i think about a lot.

also i like to think theyd spar for fun a lot as well. its not really a reason and wholly my own personal headcanon but i wanna mention it as well bc its so funny to me. i like the idea of kankris behaviour being a complete reverse of karkat - where karkat is all bark no bite and doesnt like fighting or violence, kankri puts up a front of the beacon of love and peace and tolerance, but in his free time he gets his rifle and goes shooting at the fucking squirrels or some shit. i think he wouldnt have the same qualms about strifing as karkat. like dirk would try to jokingly jab his finger at kankris side and he would just fucking flip him over his shoulder and onto the table breaking it in half, because he doesnt like being touched unexpectedly and by gods dirk when will you fucking learn. he goes from 0 to 100 real fast. its such a hysterical concept for me.

[thekingofwinterblog]

Fundamental Flaws

So one interesting thing i noticed about the League's flaws, is that the things that kept them from working together at the start, remained the basic flaws that prevented them from helping each other overcome their own flaws.

Namely that they all joined together out of convinience, and they never really got to the level where that actually changed.

When Himiko joins the league, she introduces herself with her seemingly rather confusing motives, namely that she wants a world that is easier for her to live in.

Shigaraki does not understand her wishes at all, and of course lashes out shortly after this after dabi has introduced himself as well, having deemed both of them as not the sort he wants to hang around him.

Dabi by contrast doesnt even try to explain his motives or goals beyond the very vague "fullfill stain's will."

The end result of this is that Shigaraki doesnt even attempt to understand either, and decides to just kill them.

The funny thing is... this kinda attitude never really changes.

Compress even notes it as one of the main reasons he loved the league so much. it didnt pry into his backstory and just took him in regardless.

This attitude is what managed to bring the league together as a force... but it also prevented them from truly truly growing as a group.

Because of the fact nobody wanted or even tried to learn each other's backstories and deeper motivations, none of them ever managed or tried to Help Dabi make a possible future for himself where he could get his vengeance on Endeavor, and still get to live afterwards, instead they just let him burn on, even encouraging him to do so, with the end result that he came to a hellish innevitable march towards death.

Dabi himself tried to help Toga emotionally by setting her childhood home ablaze and rally her heart towards vengeance and freedom, because that's what he is motivated by, but he completely failed to understand what she actually wanted out of life, the reason why out of the entire league, the only person she was able to transform into was Twice, because he was the only one who actually tried to understand her.

This in turn means that Toga ultimately ended up seeking what she truely wanted amongst the heroes, and finally found in uraraka, what she had been afraid to seek/never got from most of the league.

Something that ultimately cost them the war.

this is best showcased when Shigaraki actually lays out his motivations and feelings for villainy, and the rest of his crew(other than spinner) is either completely disinterested, dissapointed or confused.

None of them actually cares about Shigaraki's motives other than spinner, not even Twice.

only spinner and the doctor(who doesnt give a shit about Shigaraki himself) actually cares at all.

of the rest, the only one who even attempts to understand Shigaraki is Toga, and not because she cares about how he feels about it, but because she begun to realise that her goals and interests are ultimately incompatible with shigaraki's(something that would come to fruition during the final arc).

Out of the league, the only one who even tried to understand and did care about shigaraki's motives, and attempted to figure out how they allign with his own wishes, is spinner, and it's not a coincidence that at the very end, he is the only one Shigaraki left his final words to, even if Shigaraki loved the other main members of the league.

The five people Shigaraki Tomura truly cared about in his hearts of hearts at the end... But even here where his feelings are laid bare, there is also another, sad truth.

Kurogiri, the man who effectively cared for Shigaraki as his own son isnt included amongst them.

Kurogiri is a rather complicated character, but it's clear by his final words, that he truly loved the league, just like compress did, and hoped they would be reunited in whatever came next.

It's not clear WHY shigaraki felt like this(maybe once he learned the man was a Nomu that pretty much sealed his ability to think of him as an actual person) but it goes to hammer in the fact that the league was just on a fundamental level not able to try to reach out and understand the motivations of each other.

the main exception to this, and the only one who seems to at least have wanted to understand everyone else is Twice, withouth any doubt the true heart of the League of Villains. The only one who everyone, even cold, brutal dabi considered a close friend.

he is the only one who understood Toga, who always opened his heart bare for the entire league, and when it seemed Hawks was about to join that number, he did everything he could to make him feel welcome and to actually understand what hawks was teaching him.

it's not a coincidence that it is when he dies, that the league really begins to come loose at the seams.

Dabi completely loses it in a way he hasnt done since the time he snapped and tried to kill shoto as a baby, and afterwards any and all morals and reservations completely evaporates in his heart, which is is replaced by a fire that doesnt go out until he literarily cant do anything anymore, having become a burnt out husk.

Toga as to confront the fact that she is living in a fantasy and has to actually commit to the league and it's goals or go her own way.

Mr compress tries to step up to fill in the void Twice left behind, but the grandpa of the group ultimately realizes that somebody is gonna have to sacrifice it all, and decides that like any good father figure, the duty will fall to him. Thus any wisdom he might have been able to impart to the next generation is lost when he becomes the next leaguer to fall right after twice.

But he could have shared these bits of wisdom at any time before this... his goals, his background, the origins of his unique insight into the world. But he didnt. only here, at the very end is he willing to put all of his cards on the table for the league he loved so much.

Spinner doubles down of his friendship to shigaraki, but in the process lets all of his other relationships in the league falter in the hour when they matter the most, when everyone needs to stick together, and by doing so ultimately fails shigaraki as well by not reaching out to him as he's suffering.

Withouth twice and compress, Shigaraki in his most critical hour, when the question of wheter he or AFO will rule this new body, has nobody who has no reservations about reaching out to him to try to be his emotinal support, with all the rest of the league literarily just standing by listening/staring at this mental battle as he suffers.

In essence, all of the leagues problems and weaknesses could have been solved if they had actually been willing to talk to each other to understand their respective ideas and goals in life.

Instead, they did the opposite of what the members of 1-A and aizawa did, and let everything foster and grow until the rot destroyed all of them from the inside out.

[iveneverbeenmorestressedinmylife]

About to go on a random tangent but i feel like the s5 house finale with houses very real, very serious mental breakdown really changes the way foreman sees him....when john house died foreman took houses disinterest 100% at face value,even went to chase and cameron to complain about how disconnected from humanity house is. Chase was the one who had to tell him that House is probably a mess under all the fake bravado and foreman didn't seem to believe him.

When house first starts losing it fr, (s5 ep23) he locks himself in his apartment for an unspecified number of days. Cuddy sends foreman to find him. House opens the door looking haunted and disheveled, he tells foreman that he is taking a day off, that he can't come to work. Foreman dismisses all of it, he tells him to sober up, to send the hookers home and come to work or cuddy will fire him. When does house not look haunted and disheveled? He is house. He can't be any worse off than usual. Foreman doesnt take him seriously.

House goes to work and foreman is the first one to get suspicious of his behaviour. He can tell that something is Seriously wrong this time. He pries the same way house would have because why wouldn't he? Noone in this office can let anything go. A lot of things happen.

House drops out of a case. Wilson says he is unavailable, full stop, no negotiations. And after the aftermath of it all, when house goes to Mayfield the team must have heard at one point or another about what happened. The details of what was going on. Did foreman connect the dots? The red bloody dots that connect Ambers accident, Kutner's suicide, John House's death to houses deteriorating mental state? House told Wilson that he was seeing Amber. He told cuddy that he hadn't slept through the night since Kutner shot himself in the temple with his own gun. Did foreman go looking for answers? Did they tell him more than they should have? Did he realise that the reason why his boss was looking haunted that morning he ambushed him in his apartment was because he was literally seeing ghosts?

And then of course s6 starts and foremans attitude towards house hasnt really shifted...they spend most of the season "fighting" for dominance over the diagnostics department. But then the s6 finale (help me) happens and house is clearly affected by the death of the woman whose leg he amputated under the rubble. Foreman attempts to comfort him. He doesn't dismiss everything as just house being house. He can tell that this could be it, this could very easily be the night house relapses. He tells him that he shouldn't be alone right now. House ignores him and leaves. First episode of s7, foreman is asking after house. The rest of the team dismisses his worries and he replies with a simple "you didn't see him yesterday".

In s8 when wilson is revealed to be dying foreman again attempts to stand by house. House accuses him of trying to take Wilsons place after he dies. "Dont worry about me, im probably not gonna fall apart." I just can't imagine a foreman from seasons 1-5 understanding house in such a way or making an effort to comfort him. I really feel like Mayfield was a pivotal point in their bizarre employee/boss- boss/employ-friends-antagonists-i don't want to turn into you relationship.

[b0mblover]

Luchidashi consuming brick fic

By: J

(Aka, “Hey Yall Watch This”)

thanks to beatroot for title 💀

Do NOT EAT BRICKS its awful that i even have to say this but Luchika does NOT condone eating bricks And nor do I.

Luchika was hungry, he had grown up going hungry, everyday, but not like this, kunai never seemed to need to eat, sure both of them were dead, but luchika still felt hunger. 

He had asked kunai about it before, only getting a shrug in return.

Luchika at 2 in the morning started pacing around the small apartment, it was something to take his mind off of his hunger,,

“Lu? the hell are you doin?” Tadashi slurred out, he had clearly been sleeping peacefully.

“Huh? oh its” he paused “nothing”

“Uh huh and youre just so happening to be pacing at 2 in the morning?” Tadashi was stupid sure but- okay thats really all

“I- well-“ he sighed defeatedly.

“Just tell me what it is” tadashi put his hand behind luchika, making him walk to “his” bedroom.

“Well- i, i dunno just-“ kunai sat down ok the edge of the bed motioning luchika to do the same. 

Luchika sat on the bed aswell before starting again, “I dunno, just, yknow how you never get hungry?” he asked rhetorically. “mhm?” “I still do get hungry and i dont know why, and obviously its hard to just go out and get food because- well you know”

Kunai sat in thought for a minute, trying to understand what Luchika meant.

“So what youre saying is, youre hungry” 

“Yea?”

“and you cant and or wont go steal anything to eat”

“Uh yea??”

“and youve kept this from me for how long?”

“Um, i dunno- since we started living together? i guess?”

Kunai sighed, 

“Come here” luchika did as he was told and walked over to where kunai was pointing

“You see that brick there?”

“Yea?”

“If you get hungry, just pull it out, youll see” Kunai had hidden snacks behind the brick, for whatever reason unknown to luchika.

“A-ah, well- thank you” luchika was confused, did kunai want him to eat the brick?

“Youre welcome, now go get some rest, you look tired”

“Okay, thank you!” (😊 SEN YOU GET YHID JOKE RIGHT) 

luchika walked out of kunais “room” going to his own.

He flopped down onto his own bed, before letting himself be consumed by the warm blanket under him, he hadnt even took of his shoes 

(yes luchika just threw himself ok the bed and fell asleep he look like he would)

The next day luchika woke up at 14, he wouldve slept longer, but his stomach had other plans. He felt if he had ate anything like hed throw it up.

He walked around the cramped apartment, looking for Kunai, after 10 minutes of looking, he realised that Tadashi mustve went out. 

He remembered what Kunai said about the brick, he thought it was stupid, but he knew if he didnt eat something now, hed regret it later. 

Luchika walked to the spot kunai had been pointing at, caressing the brick wall trying to find the one he had pulled out the night prior (yk he doesnt pull out he…)

before resting his hands on one that moved, kunai had stuck it in slightly deeper than the rest, probably to mark where it was (SHUT UP 😭)

Luchika worked with his nails to pull it out, after struggling for 5 minutes, succeeding. 

He sat the brick down on the floor, was he seriously about to eat a whole ass brick just because he was hungry? yes. yes he was.

-

He brought the brick up to his mouth, questioning if itd break his teeth. he knawed on a corner for a while, getting used to the slughtly crumbly texture, the apartment was quite old so it made sense. 

He tried to break some off in his hands to make it easier, but failed, so he went back to the corner, he swallowed the broken bits of brick like it was his last meal, attempting to savor the “flavor” or lack thereof..

He started to cough, breathing heavily, turns out, eating rubble of bricks thats dry and crumbbly will do that.

He didnt have any water, the utilities had been shut off since he died, they used candles to even see.

No bottled water in sight, he kept coughing, he believed he heard a door shut, however it was only 13 by that point, he wasnt hopeful that kuani had came back that fast.

But of course luchika had to be wrong, there in the doorway, he seen a black silhouette, through the tears and constant coughing, it was hard to make out.

“Lu? what the hell.. what did you do?”

luchika contiuned to cough, attempting to gasp for air, yet again, failing.

Luchika watched as the silhouette disappeared into the darkness again, he attempted to cry out for them to not leave, but only made a strange spitting (?) noise.

Kunai returned with a bottle of water and opened it for him, he had stolen some from god knows where, he reasoned with himself that i was “just incase”, this was the only logical argument hes ever made in his life and non life. 

He moved the bottle up to luchikas mouth before tipping his head back, luchika followed kunais movement, letting the slightly cool water pour into his mouth and throat, 

He had a lot to explain.

(arent u guys so happy that i write so many ppl eating so many things they shouldnt? yk, (to the like two ppl that seen it) the tadajiro bathroom thjng, j was planning to force jiro to eat the shampoo, but i thought thatd be too mean 🥰 /j.)

(hi shlopt)

[bunglegaydogs]

this tbh. it kinda breaks my heart.

bro is self aware, and actively tries not to reach out to anything or even try for anything. he distances himself so as to not suffer any more losses - but it also only gets him more lost himself in the process.

i genuinely dont think he means to hurt those he cares for. i think he genuinely sometimes wishes to have the best outcome in which everybody's happy, but as beast so eloquently points out, no.

thats what kills me about beast - the fact that, out of INFINITE universes and INFINITE possibilities, the only one in which oda survives, is happy, is in a safe place and is doing what he loves (writing novels) is a world in which dazai is the villain, in a world in which dazai is hated by his best friend, in a world in which despite trying so fucking hard to finally reach out for something and even attempt to grasp it, it's lost to him, and destroys him completely in the process. after the talk in the bar with oda, he gives up, realising that he was right all along, and that anything he wants will always be lost the moment he obtains it. he finally, finally got to sit in bar lupin with oda at his side once again. finally got to talk to his best friend alone like he was his best friend again. he got his hopes up, because oda was actually conversing with him. but all his dreams were once again completely fucking shattered. genuinely i hate beast sm it makes me sick i love it

ANYWAYS sorry

youre so real op. he doesnt understand the consequences of his actions. when oda is angry at him in the dark era because he was (once again) putting himself in danger and walking towards a fucking gun, then decided to try and "justify" his actions after that, we see that hes genuinely hurt when he sees that hes upset oda. he apologises to him, and oda realises that he means it, because he never apologises.

idk where it stems from. but he doesnt think anyone cares enough to be affected by his decisions - because he pushes everyone away, he can at freely without anyone being concerned for him, or getting too close.

"dazai through and through is a self destructive mess that hurts the people around him, I feel like his line: "everything is lost the moment I obtain it" shows somewhat self awareness of how his self destructive behavior hurts those he cares for."

THISSSS OP

my post is a bit all over the place and for that im sorry lol

but this!

hes reckless when it comes to his own wellbeing, and is a complete self destructive mess as you said. he puts himself in harms way on purpose, throws himself into these precarious situations. he hurts those around him and pushes them away, keeps his distance. half of the time he isnt meaning to hurt them. but he realises when he does, and in his head thinks "yeah, this is for the best"

LMAO IM SORRY

idk where im going with this im sorry

half of this probably made no sense im sorry op

anyways you slay i agree with you <3

when will people realize that dazai has hurt the people he cares for, since he does not realize the consquences of his actions. since, he is on the path of changing, that means making amends to people he has wronged. he's wronged even oda, who was a big part of dazai's life and key to his development. he was harmed in a way by getting him involved with the mafia, oda was killed indirectly due to mori (the pm leader) being behind the whole thing with mimic. dazai through and through is a self destructive mess that hurts the people around him, I feel like his line: "everything is lost the moment I obtain it" shows somewhat self awareness of how his self destructive behavior hurts those he cares for. I don't know where I was going with this. (I feel like I was kinda contradicting myself by saying he's not aware of the consequences then saying he's self aware of his self destructiveness, but I still hope you guys were trying to get the point)

[almadelsur]

Haven | R.C

Summary: In which Rafe finds refuge in your arms and utters those three little words for the fist time.  

Warnings: fluffy angst, rafe struggling w his mental health.

A/N: In honor of this precious human’s birthday here’s an emotionally fluffly lil drabble <3 It’s a lil messy cause I literally wrote this in like half an hour so I basically just spilled everything that was in my head without planning it but I hope you guys enjoy !!

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader

It had been a long and complicated journey for the both of you to end up in the haven that you had constructed, one that had consistently proved a challenge for both of your overall mental states. Everyone had warned you over and over about the eldest of the Cameron children when you had initially started dating, they’d given you extensive lists on the different ways that he could break your heart. Despite his stature, Rafe had never gone without a foul reputation of misdemeanour and toxicity. But of course, stubborn as ever, you couldn’t see past the sweet nothings he’d utter and the cool ocean of blue that would lull you into that sweet sense of security like the soft ripples of the obx sea. 

But Rafe had grown up under the unforgiving direction of his father which in turn meant that his stone cold persona had been something that was drilled into him since his early years. It took him more than a few months to overcome his impulsive lying and self-destructive way of completely diminishing everything that would render him vulenarble or, hell, even happy. 

In time he learned to let his guard down, your persistance and unconditional affection was a foreign thing for him. At the start he’d relentlessly attempted to ensure that you would see him for who he had been all those years before. You didn’t falter though, behind every lie he’d speak you could see the truth, every blow he'd deliver in order to sabotage what you had, you’d take with a heavy armor. Loving him was hard work but in the end it was worth it. 

In these moments, you could both reap the rewards of your pervalence. 

After a particularly taxing day running chores for his dad with Topper and Kelce, he’d found himself exhausted and disstressed under the safety of your bed sheets. With swollen eyes and an outpour of emotions he’d unload on the only thing that helped his heart breathe. 

“I suck, everything I do ends up in a burning pile of trash and I just don’t understand why I’m like this.” He spoke in between panicked breaths. 

“You don’t suck.” You reached out to carress his tensed jaw, the touch imediately promting a release. “You’re so much more than the title you were born into or the stupid reputation that people have built for you. Rafe what people think about you is in their head not yours.” 

“I’m not, everything they say about me is true Y/N. I’m a bully and- and I’m entitled and I just I dont know how to stop. Like today when we were out at the country club we saw that Routledge kid doing deliveries.”

You bit down on your lip, preparing for the inevitably nasty outcome of his story. 

“And Topper got so worked up and- and Kelce was encouraging it and so then-”

“Did you hurt him?” 

Rafe screwed his eyes shut and let out another shaky breath. “I didn’t mean to- I don’t know what came over me, Topper started on it and I swear to god at the start I was trying to mediate it but then he said something about how you were gonna realise how shit we all were and you were gonna leave me when you came to your senses and I just-”

“It’s okay.” You spoke quietly

“No it’s not okay! I couldnt control myself again. It got physical again. And I lived up to everything everyone says I am. Again.”

“You’re right it’s not okay, you should have walked away. But look at you now, you know what you did was wrong. A year ago you would have probably taken pride in hurting that pogue. I know that it probably doesnt mean very much right now but its progress. Its not nothing Rafe, it takes stregth to admit you’re in the wrong too.” As your words calmed his mental strain your thumb worked to do so physically. You stroked his cheeks, wiping each tear as they fell- a fitting metaphor for the way you banished his anguish. 

“He was right y’know. You are too good for me and one day you’re gonna realise it.” Behind his words was that tone of voice that desperately begged for what he was saying to be untrue. He couldn’t lose you. 

“This again?” It wasn’t the first time that the two of you had hashed out this conversation, clearly it was a trigger for for Rafe. Beyond that it was one of his biggest fears. 

“Rafe I know exactly who you are and I don’t want anyone else. I’m with you because you make me feel safe and happy and you help me be the best I can be.” You continued.

Although what you were saying was nothing shy of the truth, all he could hear was everything you were to him. He wasn’t strong on his own accord, you gave him strength. You’d replenish him so that his pain and anger and everything that fed into the darkest side of him was gone, and in it’s place you’d nourish his morality. You exhanged his ugliness for your beauty each and every single time. 

“I love you so much.” The words came quick and mumbled but they hung in the air as if he’d been speaking into a megaphone. Almost like a reflex they came out without him even being able to process them. Neither of you had said the words until now so the way they’d sounded coming out of his mouth robbed you from the breath you were about to take.

Your shock promted the silence to extend which caused Rafe’s ever-anxious doubting brain to panic with each passing second. 

“I’m sorry- I-” he scrambled for something to say, he knew he didn’t have it in him to take it back. If he had he would have been lying. He did love you, he loved you more than he thought was even phsyically possible for him. You had saved him. “I didn’t mean to freak you out or say it too early but I do. I love you and I- 

“I love you too.” You interupted with a warm smile. Significantly louder than he had been in order to cut through his rambling and ensure him that the immense emotion he was feeling was reciprocated.

He pulled you closer to him and he could have sworn his heart physically stopped for a second, the spike in dopamine and serotonin almost too much for his body to handle. You felt it too. Because whilst yes, you may have saved him, Rafe Cameron truly turned your world. 

As you spoke those blissful words he couldn’t believe that the pair of you were in the place you were. He knew it was no thanks to him and yet here he was, staring at the light on the other side of his seemingly never-ending tunnel of malignancy. In moments like these the tunnel would get shorter in length, he’d learned that by letting you in and letting you love him. When he’d look back at the start of your relationship he’d feel embarrased at himself, what he thought had been him protecting himself from vulnerability had really just been his pride keeping him anchored to the state of malevolance that he had become so acustomed to.

Nowadays he felt lighter, your love elevated him to heights he’d never ventured into and it was okay, he wasnt scared. He didn’t feel weak for allowing himself to be vulnerable with you he just felt relief. Relief and love. 

“I could never not love you. I promise.” You muttered as you pressed soft kisses where his tears had previously fallen, leaving behind dried tracks in their place. 

He hadn’t even realised he’d stopped crying. You had that effect on him, so effortlessly you could rid him of anything that hurt him and more often than not without him even noticing. 

And so armed with a promise and the indestructible sword that was your love he felt at peace again. He was content with the knowledge that he could face whatever came at him as long as he had you. Because all he really needed was to love you and try to be better and that would be enough. 

As you fell asleep in eachothers arms for what must have been the hundreth time, you both felt the strength of eachother’s love engulfing you in a coccon of assurance and bliss. He was yours and you were his and that was all either of you needed. 

----------------

[rek1s-headband]

hi could i request something? basically just HCS about langa and reki when you guy get into a fight or sum idk LMFAOO, you dont have to do this if you dont want to tho <3

➯ A/N: Thank you for the request! I hope you enjoy. I added a few characters, hope you don’t mind:)

➯ When you guys get into a fight

➯ Characters: Langa Hasegawa, Reki Kyan, Kaoru Sakurashiki, Kojiro Nanjou, Hiromi Higa and Miya Chinen x gn reader

➯ Warnings: angst if you squint, fluff

Langa:

Ok the majority of your fights are generally because of a miscommunication. If things aren’t spelled out for the poor boy, he’ll be completely oblivious to what’s bothering you

When you finally snap, he always seems shocked, asking why you hadn’t said anything sooner, even if you’d been trying to hint at it all week

Not really one to shout, but if things get heated enough he might snap. He always feels awful afterwards though. No matter what, he really believes no one should be screamed at because of something as silly as a disagreement

Rarely storms out, he’s always going to try and stay until the end to try and get something, anything out of you that he can use to try and understand your point of view

Understands space. He knows when you dont feel like talking to him, and he will give you that time to collect your thoughts. When you’re ready to speak again, he’s all ears

Gets overwhelmed really easy. It doesnt really show in what he says, but when you raise your voice his brain goes to putty and he can feel his breath get narrow. He’s not scared, he just doesn’t want to be the reason you’re feeling like this.

Never lets you go to bed angry. He’ll give you your space, but if you’re still quiet by bedtime he’s making sure you’ve eaten and you’re not still really upset by whatever played out that day

Overthinks a lot. How long did he not realise you were upset? What if its actually a much bigger deal than you’re letting on? What if you leave? Of course, he knows a lot of it is completely irrational, but it still lingers in the back of his mind, so you can imagine how relieved he is when the fight is over and you’re back in his arms

Asks people for advice a lot. Reki and Cherry are usual helpers, giving Langa their opinions on the matter without going into too much detail. The rest is up to him.

Gives the best hugs and comfort after a fight. He understands couples can fight, and never really takes the aggression let out by the pair of you too seriously. Rubbing the back of your head and holding you close to his chest, he’ll reassure you that he’s not going anywhere, that he’s not going to leave “just because of a silly fight” while you fight back tears on his shoulder.

Reki

Unlike Langa, Reki is a very open person in terms of his feelings, so your fights are rarely because of closed away emotions. However, many are caused by you feeling he is spending too much time in his workshop, overworking himself and not spending as much time with you as he should.

As for Reki, he gets mad when he feels you’re being closed off from him, not telling him things and hiding your true emotions. It’s not that he doesnt trust you, he just doesnt want you shouldering anything by yourself, and tries to make things easier for you by halving the problem.

A very emotional person, and this really shows when the two of you argue. There’s a lot of tears, a lot of raised voices, yknow those exhausted laughs when you’re tired of arguing with someone? Those. He pulls at his hair a lot in frustration too

Both of you need to walk away from each other a lot during arguments. You’re both driven by your emotions, so its hard to think logically once you’ve both gotten really upset.

The type to sit outside a door after an argument if you’ve locked yourself in a room, pressing against it and quietly talking to you, regardless of whether or not he gets a response

Understands space, to a certain extent. He’ll try and talk to you after an argument, try anything to get you to just answer him, to come out from your room, to stop ignoring him. He knows when you really don’t want to face him though, which is when he’ll go out for a while, either to Langa’s for advice, or just for a quiet skate.

Despite how upset he gets in the moment, he gets over it quickly. Once he’s out of his head and seeing properly, he’ll take some time to think it over and see things from your point of view. He’ll come back to you with an apology, and when you’re ready to talk, he’ll discuss things with you this time around instead of fighting

If the fight lasts overnight, he refuses to let you take the couch. If he feels a fight will last, he’ll glue himself to the couch, making it impossible for you to sleep anywhere other than your bed. No matter what the fight was about, he refuses to have you sleep uncomfortably.

Tends to cry after making up. It’s rarely out of sadness, of course, more relief than anything. He’s just happy to have you back in his arms, no longer ignoring him.

Cherry

A very rational person, fights are very rare between the pair of you. When you do fight, it tends to be because you feel he’s being closed off from you, not being as open and emotional with you. As for him, he doesnt like when you act too aloof about things that are actually serious to him

Fights start out quiet, talking in normal tones and using your heads. However, as the fight goes on, your voices gradually get higher and louder, arms thrown in the air as you get in each other’s faces.

He snaps quite a bit. Petty remarks, snappy replies and other unnecessary comments are thrown out without much thought as he gets more pissed off. Not necessarily because he doesn’t have anything to defend himself, but because once he’s started, he’ll do just about anything to piss you off

Depending on the fight, it could last an hour or a week. Both of you are so petty that you’ll refuse to apologise to the other, forgetting who was even in the wrong in the first place

Honestly, whoever goes to sleep first gets the bed, he’s not as considerate as Reki. However, as the fight goes on, the pair of you will stay up for ungodly hours into the night, trying to outlast the other because they dont want them sleeping on the couch. You’ll never admit that though, which is why you wont just fall asleep on the couch first. Besides, if you happen to fall asleep on the couch before Kaoru goes to bed, he’ll carry you upstairs and sleep on the couch himself. He’ll never admit that though, he’ll simply say you woke up and went upstairs in a hazy half-sleep, which is why you dont remember.

He’s definitely programmed Carla to apologise to you for him at least once, rolling her into the room you’re in before quickly walking out to the sound of “Y/N, I-am-very-sorry-and-I-was-wrong-please-forgive-me” in Carlas robotic voice

If you ever go to Joe’s restaurant to cool down, he’ll make a big fuss, swaying and sighing, dramatically shouting about “however will these lovers reconcile!?” Once his act is over though, he’ll comfort you and give you your favourite meal, tutting over the pair of you and thinking of ways to help you make up

Literally won’t let you go of you for at least a week after you fight. This mf is hanging off you, constant forehead kisses, the whole deal. He’s gone without your affection for a long time while you fought, he’s simply making up for lost time

Joe

You get really pissed at him when he flirts with other girls. He doesn’t mean to, he’s just a bit of a girl magnet and it’s his nature to entertain them. Of course, he all yours, but he forgets sometimes that jealousy is actually a thing

Doesnt take arguments as seriously as he probably should. He’s the type to tell you to “calm down” in the worst possible moment, its usually what makes you explode, actually.

Absolutely dense. The type to listen to you shout for five minutes, and only then have the audacity to ask you just what your problem was

It’s not his fault, bless him. He’s just a little unobservant when it comes to your emotions. When he realises you’re actually upset though, he’s apologising profusely and promising to never do it again

His apologies are always so genuine, you generally forgive him. However, if he does something that really pisses you off and you dont forgive him, he’ll give you space to think

Fights are usually resolved within a day. Like Langa, he refuses to let you go to bed angry

Cooks for you every meal regardless of whether or not you eat it. He’ll leave meals outside your door as a sort of truce, quietly pressing against the door and asking you to please come eat with him, that he hates the idea of you holed up in there all alone

Like Kaoru, he tends to reply with snarky remarks that have little to do with the argument, but they have a little less bite to them. More petty, if anything

Another big reason for why fights never last long is because this man literally. Will. Not. Survive. Without. You. You’ll be trying to ignore him while he comes in every five minutes, asking you how to get a certain channel on the TV, or stupid things you know he’s only asking because he misses talking to you

After you make up, he literally wont even look at another girl for at least a week. Mf will literally turn his head the other way if a girl comes near him, shouting about how he’s spoken for

Shadow

The biggest hothead. He says a lot of things he doesn’t mean in the moment, which will cause you to storm out and he’ll immediately regret it

The fight almost immediately escalates past hushed voices, swear words thrown around as you get in each other’s faces

He’ll get really upset, but he’ll mask it with being pissed off and angry, clashing pots around and acting like a literal baby. He doesnt want to admit it, but he always feels awful right after a fight. He knows youll need a bit of space after the intense shouting, so he’ll give you that space before even attempting an apology

Aggressively cares for you. Like he’ll say things like “I made food, it’ll taste like shit if you leave it, so I suggest you have it now” or “nope, I want the couch, I’m gonna watch something” he’ll never admit it, he just wants to make sure you’re alright even while fighting

If the two of you go to S while fighting, it’ll be very obvious. Usually you’re attached at the hip, but now you couldn’t be further apart. However, he’s still looking out for you, keeping an eye on you to make sure you’re alright. If you’re ever getting hit on by some creep, the fight is forgotten and he’s back at your side, daring the stranger to come any closer to you.

Reki is always the first to notice, poking him and pushing you over to him, trying to get the two of you to make up. Surprisingly, it actually does help clear the air

He can never stay mad at you for long though, he’s completely soft for you

Makes you bouquets to try and apologise. He’s taught you a lot about the meanings of flowers, so he’ll specifically pick ones with hidden meanings like “I’m sorry” or “I love you”

Not very good with verbal apologies. He knows when they’re needed though, and they are usually delivered through a series of grumbles and sad expressions. The thought is there though

Gives very gentle, long hugs after you make up. He’ll hold you close, suggesting a date or a movie to help the two of you relax

Miya

Literally the biggest bitch out of the six to fight with. He’s so petty, he will refuse to admit he’s wrong for the longest time. Once he’s in, there’s no accepting he’s not right

At least for a while anyway. He’ll start to feel bad once he sees just how upset you’re getting, frustrated with his inability to see anyone’s point of view but his own

King of the silent treatment. He’ll hide away behind his switch, drowning out his guilty thoughts with the white noise of animal crossing

He’ll skate to take his mind off things, practicing new tricks until he’s exhausted

Makes really snide remarks that have absolutely nothing to do with the argument. The type to bring up shit that happened 4 months ago just to help his case

Reki is usually the one to make him see sense, telling him just how petty he’s being, and that he cant get so defensive when he’s in the wrong. He knows this, obviously, he just can’t help it sometimes.

Although he’s not one for real apologies, he’ll slowly begin to stop ignoring you, bringing you small snacks or sending you funny things he saw on his phone. He’ll sit beside you, acting as if it was completely unintentional, but will slowly inch closer and closer until he’s curled up at your side, mumbling about how he wasn’t completely right after all

Will literally hit anyone who tries to comment on how the pair of you have made up, talking about how “its not even that big of a deal, just shut up”

Ad*m

Yall fought cause y’know. He’s ad*m

Sat outside your house with a speaker and an ugly ass sign. It started raining and his sign got ruined and his makeup ran

You broke up with him and he cried

Slipped in the rain while leaving <3

[kaiserkisser]

... alright alright, but dont blame me for ruining your happiness :((( whoa thats LONG LONG POST AHEAD

(latest manga spoilers utc)

soooo ch 114- sigma is still unconscious and seeing the use of fyodors ability in the past with bram, dazai realises that the activation condition for fyodors ability might actually not be touch and sees 'fyodors' body which is not his.

ch 114.5- dazai understands that fyodors ability activates when he's killed, and that this leads to the worst possible scenario (THAT DOESNT EVEN DO THE SITUATION JUSTICE AT ALL ITS FRIKKIN TERRIBLE) he explains fyodors ability to chuuya, which allows fyodor to take over the body of the person who killed him. since the vamp acted on fyodors orders fyodor takes over brams body (THIS KILLED ME I SWEAR) he stabs fukuchi with amenogozen and brams holy sword which creates a tripolar singularity crazy ik

Ch 115- terukos backstory is also revealed and in her attempt to kill fyodor she is liquefied by the singularity which has taken fukuchis appearance. fyodor reveals that he fed the future fukuchi false info abt a war hence fukuchis whole goal was based on a lie

ch 116- fukuzawa is shocked and enraged by fyodors confession. he attempts to kill fyodor, is stopped by the singularity which has now turned into a gigantic helicopter fidget spinner which destroys the airport. fitzgerald says smth about initiating final protocol as the airport has fallen (I FORGOR ABOUT THIS CMON FITZY WORK UR MAGIC PLEASE) atsushi runs to free fukuzawa from under the wreckage who is deeply grieving for fukuchi. he tells atsushi to run as an order and to make fyodor pay, and to not let him escape. somewhere else, kunikida and tanizaki meet the singularity and fyodor. bram is back in another body and saves aya from the wreckage

ch 117- bram reveals that in his last moments, he transferred his consciousness into akutagawas body but he cant stay for long in this body. aya turns away from him, crying and trying to show that shes no upset. bram dies again leaving behind a non dead akutagawa who swears to protect aya.

kunikida sacrifices himself to give tanizaki a chance to run. he is liquified by the singularity and is gone, leaving behind only his notebook. (I SWEAR HES NOT DEAD HES NOT DEAD HES NOT DEAD HES NOT DEAD HES NOT DEAD HES NOT DEAD HES NOT DEAD IM NOT COMING OIT OF DENIAL)

needa get fully immersed back into bsd but work consumes me

[thekingofwinterblog]

It’s all for his sake - Endeavor and the Sunk Cost Fallacy

My hero academia 301 is a pretty interesting chapter, but for me, the most notable piece of it was how Endeavour reacted to the realization that Touya couldnt surpass All Might.

upon realizing that his son might not be able to do it because of inborn physical limitations, he immediatly stopped his training, which frankly was the responsible and adult thing to do. 

This stint of real parenthood did not last long however.

After taking the matter to a doctor, he is flat out told that not only cant Touya achive what endeavor wants, but it is a direct result of his incredibly selfish and irresponsible attempt to play god, by trying to breed the “perfect” hero into being.

It is how you react when you lose however, that shows who you really are, and endeavor illustrates that very, very well.

Upon being told in no uncertain terms that his attempts at Breeding an heir failed magnificently, producing a child that was not capable of resisting his own immense power, but also admonished by his doctor for even attempting it, and adviced not to try again, Endeavor instead doubled down, while focusing on the child he screwed over from the start with his attempt at genetic manipulation.

It was all for him you see. Endeavor doesnt use those words, but that is how he spins it here. it was all for Touya, all for his sake. if i stop now, then Touya was all for nothing, a mistake, im doing this for my son.

if im doing this for my son, then im not responsible for any of this.

his wife however, calls him out on it, as she understands Touya much, much more than endeavor does. or rather, she sees him fully as a human being, instead of as a thing, a weapon, a failed attempt at an heir.

Unlike Endeavor, Rei is able to see the way this all is affecting her son. She is able to see, and understand that Touya has fully accepted what Endeavor wanted him to be. a stronger, and better version of himself. however, unlike Endeavor, she only cares about him as a person.

Endeavour by comparison isnt completely uncaring about Touya. like most abusive parents, he does possess love for his offspring, but it is forever tainted by the fact that however much he might care, or not care about Touya, any familial love he has for his son is tainted by the fact that to Endeavor, he is a failed experiment, a failed heir, not his child. 

He is the golden child that Endeavor was building up as his true and only heir, who he breed, trained, and molded to for that single purpose, and now that he’s reached a point where he cant continue that legacy.

so, its time to abandon him, and start over new, despite literarily having just learned how stupid this plan was, and that it can, in fact, go completely wrong, with a quirk that will fuck over the person he brings into the world.

Of course, Endeavor doesnt use those words to frame it. there is no way to pretend to be a hero, if you phrase it like that after all. Intead, this is the words he uses.

this is a very important series of panels for a great number of reasons, some that can be debated, argued, and we will probably never know the full truth to the questions because this is a series published in 2020′s shonen jump, and there are things that probably wasnt gonna fly with Hori’s editors, if it was the case.

but lets start with what can not be debated. Endeavor’s words here.

“If we want him to give it up, then we have no choice... Touya... Cant surpass him.”

These are very telling words, and however you believe The third and fourth children of the Todoroki family was concieved, there is not denying the meaning of what he’s saying here.

The only way that my son will stop being an idiot and fall into line, is if we have another baby. that is the only Right way to move forward. it is morally right, because if we dont do this, then he’s going to destroy himself.

there are two ways to interpret this scene.

The charitable way is to read it as the fact that he used Rei’s oldest son’s mental state as a justification of guilting his wife to have a third child, to give this attempt at a superpowered breeding project another shot, despite the fact that they now know that this can lead to a child who is essentially born crippled from his own powers, and despite the fact that Rei obviously understands the effect of them continuing this insanity will have on their oldest son.

the uncharitable way to look at it, is that he used this as justification for flat out raping her, and forcing a third, and then later a fourth child on her.

I personally believe the last one, given a number of factors shown in this chapter(the way this page is framed, the fact Rei obviously didnt want a third child, given she predicted exactly how touya would react, the way her eyes would latet turn when she looks at who is presumably touya which really brings to mind how she would later react to her youngest son’s face after her mental breakdown, etc.), but i’ll frankly admitt that withouth a direct quote from Hori, its impossible to know for sure one way or another. 

either way however, this is a very good example of Endeavor both being influenced by, and using Sunk Cost Fallacy to justify bringing another potentially crippled child into the world for his own, selfish goals.

sunk cost Fallacy, is a mental reaction to when you invest more time and resources into a project, that you becomes so emotionally invested into said project that you will continue to invest into it, even if it reaches a point that it becomes clear that the resources you put into it, far, far outweighs the potential gains you can achieve.

because if you give up after having invested years, and years of effort to breed, raise, and train a kid, and then all that effort was absolutely wasted. hence he choose to keep going, despite having learned what a terrible idea this is.

He doesnt care about the fact that his next child might be even more crippled than his firstborn, he doesnt care about his son’s actual wellbeing. he cares about the fact that if he doesnt continue this insanity, then not only will he not achieve his dreams, but everything he did to get to this point was for absolutely nothing.

and endeavor cannot accept that. and so long as he can justify breeding more children into the world, and there being any chance they might inherit both quirks perfectly, he doesnt care about anything else.

and the moment he realised that this kid wasnt gonna cut it either, he did it again. it is not a coincidence, that the age gap between Endeavor’s second, third, and fourth children were all 3-4 years apart. because thats the age where you can usually tell when a quirk will manifest or not, as established earlier in the series.

While she isnt brought up directly by Endeavor as a justification, it is very telling that Endeavor decided on having a third child, only after his second child was old enough that he could tell that that there was no chance she could take the place as his heir instead.

So, he had his third child, and as time passed and it became obvious that he wasn’t gonna be able to fulfill Endeavor’s goals either, he dumped him, and instead breed a fourth child into existence.

and finally, he struck gold. he did it. he produced Shoto.

everything was finally worth it, and now, everything would be absolutely fine. the cost fallacy had reached its end, and it was now all full sails ahead.

except of course it wasnt.

His oldest son, now in middle school, had been raised from birth to believe he would surpass his father, only to be thrown away, and getting to see his father try to replace him, not once, but twice.

frankly, this scene is probably my favorite in the chapter, because it goes to show Endeavor’s mindset. Natsuo made a point that their father completely ignored his older children. and he did... from Natsuo’s perspective. however, having a more thourough picture of things, we can clearly see that this wasnt the case with Touya.

Endeavor genuinly cared for Touya, enough that once he got that child he tried to breed into existence 4 times, he genuinly wanted him to just abandon trying to be a hero. he genuinly thinks of himself as a good dad here, wanting his son to abandon the mission he set out for him before he was born. of course, with context, this heartwarming scene is incredibly sad and insidious, because we understand why Endeavor got so attached to his oldest child. because he WAS the golden child. he was the child Endeavor genuinly cared about, and invested in, and trained personally with great warmth and enthusiasm.

And not only did he abandon him as a failed project the moment he realized he wasnt gonna live up to his ridiculous standards, but he literarily created 2 more kids to try and replace him, just as his oldest son was old enough to understand what exactly his dad was doing. over the course of this chapter, we get to see Touya’s start as a 5-8 year old, his deteriorating mental state over the years, until he finally seemed to reach the breaking point with Shoto’s birth sometime in his middle school years 12-15. 

Endeavor is in this scene, just not capable of understanding why Touya so desperately wants to become a hero, when obviously he isnt physically able to do so. he isnt able to understand that he is 100% to blame for the fact that his son is having a full emotional breakdown after literaly being replaced by his siblings. 

In other words, Endeavor genuinly think’s he’s a good person. a person who has made a few mistakes along the way sure, but a person who was always justified in the end, and now that he’s having to face the fact that as dabi would later say “The past never dies” and has to face the aftermath of his inane attempt to play god for the pettiest of reasons, things simply arent going to work out.

He isnt going to have a happy family, who can now put the awful early years behind them, he put way too much effort, caused too much suffering and sacrificed too many years of his life for this not to work out as he wants.

after all, if he walks away from this project now, and lets Shoto have a normal childhood, and decide for himself, with no pressure from him, wheter or not to become a hero, then the sunk cost fallacy will have reached a negative end. it will all have been for nothing.

and we know he did eventually double down on this mentality, literarily beating into Shoto that he WAS going to become a hero, and there was not but’s or no’s about it.

there was no way that Endeavor was EVER going to let things be for nothing. His treatment of his older children could not be for nothing. His treatment of his wife could not be for nothing. His treatment of Shoto, and the way he beat him black and blue to train him, could not be for nothing.

Because if it all was for nothing, if everything he feels guilty about was for absolutely nothing, then he was in fact, a bad, bad person, who had no justification for anything he ever did.

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

All 6 of the Knights know about Merlin's magic, but all think they're the only one to know:

So the Knights (Arthur, Gwaine, Percival, Elyan, Leon, Lancelot) + Merlin are like,,,, investigating something

Ya know, the norm

They're out in the woods tracking down some really mean dude, and whadya know? They get attacked by bandits, as per

So, as per, Merlin hides behind a tree, keeping a careful eye on the fighting

(The knights are drastically outnumbered, BUT they're far more skilled than the bandits so it basically evens out.)

Only planning to step in, to make their own luck, when he needs to, he waits

Everything is going fine, and Merlin need only sit and watch...

UNTIL!

One more person creeps out from the shadows, and begins chanting, the knights notice this of course, and are, all of a sudden, made painfully aware that the bandit attack had just been a distraction to keep them busy, so the sorcerer could step in and do some evil shit

But distraction or not, they still need to actually subdue these arseholes with swords before they can do anything about the sorcerer

BUT that is taking far too long and as the chanting grows louder, Lancelot throws a glance Merlins way, and nods, before giving a shout in an effort to draw attention to himself, and away from Merlin

Merlin follows his cue to step out from his hiding place, but before he can drop a tree branch or something similar onto the head of the sorcerer, he's spotted

The sorcerer looks his way as he stops chanting, let's out a shout-

"Emrys!! You filthy traitor!"

- and throws his arm out towards Merlin, who instinctively, before he even realises what he's doing, extends his own arm in retaliation

Both pairs of eyes glow brighter and brighter, and streams of colour extend from each of their arms, meeting in the middle with an explosion of light that seems far brighter on the sorcerer's (or the...not-Merlin) side

Merlin had clearly overpowered the other sorcerer, but everyone is thrown to the floor with a bang

Merlin conks his head, not dangerously hard, not enough to bleed, but hard enough to leave him properly dazed for a few seconds, and confuse his thoughts

Those few seconds are enough to leave the bandits scampering off into the night in fear, and for the sorcerer to spit at the floor before quickly following them, obviously unimpressed with the fact that he was beaten

Those few seconds are ALSO long enough, for Merlin to look up, and see that the knights have rushed to stand in a circle around him

For a moment, Merlin fears that they mean to tie him down, or even kill him on the spot....

....that is until he realises that none of them are even looking at him, and are instead gesturing their swords wildly at each other, and shouting incomprehensibly, leaving Merlin very confused (not helped by the obvious concussion)

As his vision clears, he takes note of everyones position

Lancelot stands the closest to him, his sword pointed at Arthur (who is opposite him in the circle), shouting something about loyalty and fear and bravery

Arthur in return is pointing his sword at Leon (though is yelling at everyone in the circle), Leon has his sword pointed back at Arthur

Elyan has a sword pointed at Lancelot

Percival and Gwaine have somehow managed to gain second swords, with Percival pointing one at Elyan, and one at Gwaine,

Gwaine is pointing one at Percival, and the other at Arthur

(To help, it's looking like this, the colour of the arrow references who the sword is pointing at)

Merlins head hurts, and he's very confused at why everyone is yelling at each other and not him

Well he understands Lancelot shouting in his defense but....what was going on??

Despite the noise, Lancelot notices Merlin look up, and immediately calls:

"Merlin! Get behind me, quick!"

Merlin tilts his head but goes to move towards Lancelot. He doesn't really understand what's going on but,,,, he remembers doing magic, and not the subtle kind he normally goes for

but his head hurts and he's tired, and Lancelot is the only one who knows his secret, so doing what he says right now is probably the safest option for him to take at the moment

But before he can take more than one stumbled step:

"NO, Merlin I won't let anyone hurt you, come here, my friend." from Leon, (loud and forceful, but gentle as well) stops him in his tracks

At this, Gwaine let's out a growl, and both him and Lancelot move the swords previously pointed at Arthur, to Leon's direction

Merlin is even more confused at this point, and Arthur yelling-

"Absolutely Not! Get your scrawny arse over hear Merlin you idiot, I'm the King, I wont let ANY harm come to you, I swear."

- does NOT help matters

At this, Merlin reckons it's best to just stand still. His head hurts and his magic has been outed and everyone was shouting at him. Probably best to just,,,, wait it out and see what happens. His head hurts

In all honestly, he's not quite sure any of this is real, I mean he wasn't really sure what the sorcerer was chanting before the big explosion thingy, could've been anything. His head hurts, he thinks again

Maybe he hit it harder than he thought

Everyone has stopped shouting at this point, though the swords stay raised, every one of them obviously prepared to jump into battle ("with each other?? " Merlin thinks) at a moments notice

Elyan, quietly "Are you alright Merlin? You hit your head pretty hard. Everything's going to be ok just.... step behind me, I'll protect you."

When he first starts speaking, the others growl, and go to yell over him,,,, by the end of his demand, they all quiet down, and furrow their brows, though they all keep their swords high

It's Percival who speaks next:

"Wait.... are we all trying to protect Merlin?"

Gwaine shouts at this:

"I won't let any of you hurt him! He may have magic but he just saved us, and I'll run the King himself through if I have to in order to keep him safe!"

(if Arthur wasn't preoccupied with....well everything that's happening, he would be offended at the notion that his Knight is far more loyal to his manservant than him)

It's Leon again next:

"Shut up, Gwaine, did all of you...wait. Who knew about Merlins...magic, before now?"

All of them look nervously at each other, but Lancelot is the first to nod, with a:

"I won't let him be punished for bravery."

Despite threatening to kill each other for Merlin, none of them are looking him during this conversation, he however is following whoever is speaking with his eyes, becoming more and more confused... do all of them...know??

Percival and Elyan nod at the same time, and Gwaine (who is looking more serious than any of them have ever seen him) clench his jaw before letting out a low:

"I knew."

Leon looks at Arthur next, whose brow is deeply furrowed, his mouth open slightly, as he give a slow nod

It's Leon, who slowly lowers his sword first, closely followed by Elyan, Pervival. Gwaine follows them, and then Arthur, but Lancelot keeps his sword aimed at the King

"Lower your sword Lancelot, it would appear, that all of us are attempting to protect Merlin from... each other." From Arthur finally has Lancelot relaxing slightly

"...uuh, Lancelot?" From Merlin draws everyones attention back to him, and his very confused (and slightly fearful) face

Lancelot goes to rush towards him, but before his first step even lands, everyone has at least one sword pointed in his direction, quick as lightening,

He huffs as he drops his own sword to the floor:

"Look, we all know about Merlin's magic, and we're all trying to protect him alright? Come off it guys, we need to check his head."

Everyone fully relaxes at that, but it's Leon who reaches Merlin first (he had always been freakishly fast, the bastard) and as he gently tilts Merlin's head forward so he can take a look at the back of it, Arthur puts one hand on Merlin's shoulder, the other still gripping his sword tightly

Merlin is looking very surprised at all this, but his head still hurts and no one seems to be trying to build a pyre or bring out the cuffs, and Lancelot seems relaxed so...that's a good thing right?

He allows Leon to examine his head with no resistance at all,

"He's almost certainly concussed, so we'll need to keep an eye on him for a day or two, but he'll be fine, he's not bleeding and his skull isn't cracked."

Leon steps back from the dark haired manservant, and Merlin looks over his shoulder to give him a dopey smile.

Arthur, with his hand still tightly on Merlin's shoulder, starts giving orders, Percival and Gwaine were to see if they can track down the horses, who had been spooked in the attack, but were trained well to stay close by (and also had all their packs still on them)

Gwaine starts with a "Look princess, if you think I'm leaving Merlin with Uther's so-"

But is interrupted by Percival telling him to shut up, and dragging him in the direction of where the horses were last stood.

Elyan is to starting to build a fire, and Leon and Lancelot are to double check the perimeter, and collect anything left by the bandits in their hasty retreat

Lancelot looks to Merlin for confirmation, a silent "you ok with me going?" hangs in the air, and Arthur looks as though he's going to start yelling again, but Merlin's head hurts and he really doesnt want that, so he gives Lancelot a slight nod, and smile.

Lancelot glances at Arthur once more, face drawn and serious, before walking towards Leon, waiting at the edge of the clearing

Arthur watches them go, before finally settling his gaze in Merlin, and tilting his head slightly in question

Merlins response-

"My head hurts :( "

-causes Arthur to huff out a small laugh before attempting to get Merlin settled against a log, close ish to where Elyan is getting the fire lit

After half an hour or so, everyone is back at camp, the horses have successfully been returned to camp, and are grazing off to the side. The fire is roaring, and Elyan is cooking what had been caught for dinner earlier in the day

Merlin is sat in the same place as he was before, though he seems to now be squidged between a very protective Lancelot, and a very protective Arthur

Gwaine is sat on the opposite side of the fire, and has had a glare leveled at Arthur since he first sat (with Percival sat next to him. No one would say it, but everyone knows it was so Percival could grab Gwaine if he decided to keep to his word and attempt to run the King through with is sword.)

Other than Elyan, Leon seems to be the only completely relaxed one. He knows Arthur the best, and he is aware of the Kings inability to lie on the spot, or keep control of his anger,

If Arthur was intending to hurt Merlin, he would certainly have made it obvious by now

The whole camp is painfully silent all through the meal, it's only after Leon comes back with clean bowls (being one of only two people who were willing to leave the camp (Elyan had already cooked, it wouldn't be fair to make him clean as well)) that Merlin breaks the silence,

His eyes are looking a bit clearer now, but he still has a headache, and he feels like he would probably end up passing out if he tried to stand up:

"So.... I knew about Lancelot but, how long?" The question is obviously aimed at everyone, but all take in a sharp breathe, with Arthur and Gwaine narrowing their eyes, at "I knew about Lancelot"

Percival looks from Merlin to Lancelot and raises an eyebrow in question:

"I realised it wasn't possible for me to have killed that Griffin on my own, but Merlin was the only other one with me. I figured that he had enchanted by lance,"

Everyones brows lower at that

"That was years ago? You've known all this time??" From Leon

Lancelot gives a shrug, "He wasnt exactly subtle. The lance was glowing so brightly I almost fell off my horse, and the only things I could hear were my horses hooves, and Merlin crouched at the side of the road muttering to himself....or to the lance I suppose."

Everyone but Arthur huffs out a laugh at that

I guess he doesn't like to be reminded that Merlin had been closer to Lancelot this whole time

And I can't be arsed to write it out, but all of them explain when, and how, they found out about Merlin's magic. It had been Leon first (which is unsurprising, he's the only one of them who's known him the same length of time as Arthur), a year or two after Lancelot first left.

He was conflicted at first, but after witnessing all the passed up opportunities that would've been perfect for Merlin to strike, like any self respecting evil sorcerer would, he couldn't convince himself that Merlin was evil.

He of course, kept an eye on him, but stopped worrying about him as a danger after only a couple months. He laughingly admits to losing sleep all these years, worrying about Merlin being an idiot and outing himself accidentally.

Though Arthur was the last of the group to speak, he realised Merlin had magic next, shortly after Balinors death.

After some questioning (at the time) Merlin had admitted that he met his father briefly "almost recently" (which was as specific as Merlin was prepared to get at the time) but he'd died shortly after

Arthur could tell Merlin had been upset about it, and made the connection between the timings of Balinors escape from Camelot, Merlins age, and how upset Merlin had been over the death of a near stranger

He explains that he wasn't sure at first, told himself he was seeing connections that weren't there, but he paid more attention to Merlin when Merlin thought no one was looking, and learned the truth soon enough

Gwaine figured it out next, within a week of meeting Merlin, repeating Lancelot's sentiment that he wasnt that subtle with it.

Theres no cool story here, Gwaine is just a lot smarter than people give him credit for

(all those years of trying to tell if another drunkard was about to start a fight, or walk off, made Gwaine very observant)

Like Gwaine, Percival noticed Merlin's magic within a couple weeks of arriving in Camelot

He grew up in kingdom where, as much as it wasn't common, it wasnt illegal. He saw the occasional bits of magic, and knew enough to recognise it

One too many instances of luck, in the midst of a battle, had been what clued him in

Elyan was reluctant to admit it, but he'd only realised a few months ago

(probably, Merlin thinks, probably why he'd been acting so weird recently)

Though he had realised in the same manner as Percival, one too many fallen branches, one too many instances of Merlin seemingly knowing they were about to be attacked, or follow the wrong path

After all their confessions they quietly wait, mostly focused on Merlin

Who at this point

Is still concussed

Though he is greatly appreciative of the fact that none of his friends (and also Arthur, the love of his life but like,,,, he's concussed. If he starts thinking about that too much he'll start talking about it and there is a time and place. Which isn't here and now) are trying to kill him:

"Huh. Gaius is gonna have a field day with this. But he'll probably also yell soooooo... please don't leave when I tell him and also maybe stand in front of me?"

he says with a chuckle. Someone goes to reply with a "Gaius kno-?? Of course he does." But before they can speak, they're interrupted by Merlin mumbling that-

"my head hurts :( "

Everyone else lets out a chuckle at this, but it's Leon who tells Arthur that it's been long enough now,

"Get some rest Merlin, we'll head back to Camelot in the morning, and we'll protect you from Gaius' famous wrath when we get there :) " from Arthur, has Merlin going:

"Oh thank the gods." Before promptly passing out on Arthur's shoulder, much to the amusement of everyone else.

~

THE END!

There is of course a merthur love confession at some point. And also Gaius expectedly yelling at Merlin when they get back (for being stupid and unsubtle all these years, for revealing his magic in such a dramatic fashion the previous day, for essentially concussing himself). The lot of them giggle at that, despite Merlin glaring at them the whole time

Arthur also reveals to the whole gang, the draft on the Magic Ban Repeal he'd been secretly working on. He always wanted Merlin to trust him enough to tell him the truth, but started work on the repeal when he came to the realisation that trust and respect goes both ways.

SO like always gang, I'm shitty at writing in full so like,,,,, if someone wants to wrote this go for it, credit and tag me✌

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

Hi! How are you doing? ^^ ☆

Just wanted to know if you could make a headcanon about how would it be like after an argument with Armin? Please

Tysm for reading me, I love your work ♡♡♡

You're so sweet and nice ♡ of course I'd love to do one and tbh we must be on the same wavelength because i was just thinking about that yesterday!!!

I really liked your idea so imma do both a scenario and a headcanon! Hope you don't mind?

After an argument with Armin

{ Armin x reader | tw: hurt/comfort, self-image issues | angst with happy ending | modern }

{ "Moonlit View" byOscar Kleineh 1846 - 1919 }

Being with Armin had its many, many perks, one being that he's really empathetic and understanding, he doesn't assume things without evidence and knows misunderstandings happen.

When facing problems or disagreements, he thinks of a solution, not argue. He rather you work together against the problem than against each other.

Whenever you were in a bad mood he'd assume the best and think of what might have caused it instead of taking it personally, he knows you still love him, he knows you're just stressed. Maybe comfort could help? Maybe a lovely cuddly evening? Or maybe you need some space?

He's just really good at reading people's emotions and handling these situations, thanks to his efforts you both successfully managed to avoid any kind of arguments or fights most couples go through.

Which is why it was a shocking surprise to everyone when Eren got a call from Armin late at night, asking if he can stay over because you two just had, what he described as, the biggest fight.

Eren almost didn't believe him at first, he thought Armin was playing a prank on him. But then he heard the quivering in his voice and the hiccup that followed. Armin was crying, things were serious.

The last thing he said to you while putting his coat on was "I'm sorry, I'm weak, you and I know that."

Him saying that, in that tone, with those tearful eyes, made you want to get up and yell at him that no he isn't. He shouldn't just say that about himself like it's a fact and not just the results of years of self-doubt.

You wanted to hug him, to pull him closer till all those awful thoughts leave his head, till he sees at himself like how you see him, incredibly brave and determined.

But you didn't, you stayed there on the couch as he put his shoes on. His eyes pleading for you to say something, anything. To tell him to stay, to come sit near you. He even looked at you one last time before opening the door.

As you stared at him in silence, the realisation that you don't even remember what you were fighting about hit you, you can't, how could you? The minute the door closed behind him is when you realised how real the situation is.

How quiet the house is.

Has it always been this cold?

And just how much worried you are about him.

It hasn't been a full minute and you're missing him already.

—

It's 4am

It's hours since he left, how much exactly? You can't even remember.

Still haven't moved from the couch, you're not sure what you're feeling, you've been going through different emotions each hour.

Guilt, sadness, regret, anger, denial, pessimism, you name it.

It doesn't matter, none of that really matters to you right now. It's Armin who you've been worried about for a while that matter.

You know for a fact Eren and Mikasa aren't the most emotionally open people, you know Armin is already struggling with letting out his emotions without feeling needless guilt or shame.

You know he needs someone right now, he needs a shoulder to cry on and a reassuring voice. You've been both these things for him since even before you got together.

Just like he has been these things for you too. You need that someone just as much now. You didn't even know it's possible to feel this lonely.

Is he also thinking about you? Is he sleeping soundly on Eren’s couch? Or is that one stain from last week's party bothering him?

...is he just as miserable as you are right now? Probably not, you think. He's far stronger than he gives himself credit for, you know that better than everyone else.

Your thought process gets interrupted by a buzz from your phone, a text. Your eyes light up, you pull the blanket you dragged from the bed tighter around you, it's Armin.

[ hey ] it said, [is it okay if i call you?]

You reply back, he starts typing again, you stare at those three dots like your life depends on them.

[Okay, give me a minute please ]

You pull the phone closer to you, it's brightness contratsing against the dark living room. Some minutes pass...nothing, you feel your heartbeat rising. Phone still clutched in your hands.

It rings, it doesn't get past the second ring before you've pressed the accept button. You can hear the wind on the other side, alongside the distant sound of passing cars. Your heart only slows down after hearing the fimilar and oh so lovely sound of soft breathing

Suddenly the world doesnt seem so dim anymore.

"Sorry, it took more time than i thought, Eren keeps his keys in really weird places...I hope i didn't make you worry"

Oh If only he knew..

Dozens of possible replies run through your mind.

I missed you, did you miss me too?

Please come back, I hate feeling this lonely.

How does it feel to take my heart and run away?

Was your voice always this captivating or am i just high on sleep-deprevation?

I miss your kisses, i wish i could feel your lips against mine. Could you kiss me through the phone?

...in the end, you settle for "It's okay" you say, "It's alright."

"That's good...hey listen." You listen, "I'm not going to skirt around the subject, i called because" he takes a deep breath, "i want to apologise for how i acted, for what i said, both to you and myself."

Hearing him admit to his faults and own up to his mistakes, fills you with courage to do the same. You apologise, you mention how you've been thinking about him, you leave out the embarrassing parts.

You tell him you love him, and miss him.

You're met with silence. So you call out his name.

"Wait..you're not mad at me?" He says.

What? Mad? You?

"No." You say. "Why would you think that?"

You hear a chuckle that evolves into a laugh, it's contagious.

"Fuck...oh god I'm...im so stupid, i left because I thought you were mad and didn't bother you more by making you look at me." Even he seems to realise just how ridiculous that concept is.

It's 5am now, you're both laughing over the phone. The world is good again.

You ask if he's mad at you.

He instantly replies with a no.

"I could never be mad at you..." he says, "I love you so much it hurts. I love you like I've never loved anyone else before that it terrfies me, I'm scared one day I'll wake up and you won't be beside me anymore, you've made me love myself in ways i never though i would, you made me believe in myself because you believed in me."

{ Headcanons }

After an argument, Armin tries giving both of you space to calm down.

It doesn't last long because he will approach you after and talk about his emotions and explains why he did the things he did. He will also apologise for the things he did wrong like yelling or saying something hurtful.

If you give him the okay, he will instantly hug you. Physical touch is a great comfort for him so don't expect him letting you go anytime soon.

He will hold your face gently, tell you how much he missed you despite it being only hours.

Doesn't even care about the argument anymore or attempt to bring it up, he just wants to make up asap.

You're both gonna have a heartfelt conversation and actually process your emotions together. As a result you two come out stronger and closer after each argument.

He doesn't hold grudges, so he won't ever act passive aggressive after an argument. if he's got a problem he will tell you.

Just 100% honestly and transparency with this golden boy.

Will want to spend more time together post argument, he will really love it if you watch something together or you let him read you something.

Give him love and affaction, he loves you deeply it's actually rare these days.

When you go to sleep on those nights, he will hold you tighter and stroke your back.

He doesn't hold grudges yet he still remembers each fight you had and instead of it being a sour memory, he thinks of it as a learning block. Just a step towards understanding each other more.

Pamper him more after an argument and he will feel so loved, hearts in his eyes as you brush his morning hair.

[metaphor-cheese]

Doof and byoof sibling stuff:

-buford going from being the biggest and oldest of his friendgroup and an only child to instantly the baby of the doofenshmirtz family and being VERY angry abt this is hilarious to me. He becomes like a little ankle biting gremlin trying to assert himself in this new dynamic and move up the pecking order. It Never works

-vanessa doesnt have much overt big sister instincts but she will casually distract norm if doofs being mean to him and lets buford hang out with her. Which is usually just parallel playing but they get along so its cool. She also lends him cd’s and doesnt let on she knows he keeps stealing her old teddy bear for comfort when doof begins shouting

-norm detected that buford wasnt a boy before anyone else (including buford) and never treated him as one. Between this and doof always defaulting to ‘kid’ over gendered terms, the doofenshmirtz’s were who helped him realise he was nb. Norm thought it was common knowledge and was like ‘really guys?’ When buford had to tell vanessa and doof

-vanessa never acknowledges bufords attempts to be the Alpha Sibling with anything but amusement or apathy but norm innocently (maybe…) makes it worse by calling buford nicknames like baby sib and squirt

-norm picks up buford a lot. Buford is conflicted cos on one hand

-tall

-someone is actually able to lift him

But on the other: if the liftee has now become the lifted then what next? Where does it stop? Will baljeet be carrying him next? This crisis keeps him up at night

Anyway he often rides around on whatever constitutes norms shoulder

-vanessa and norm sing together for fun sometimes

-doof loves buford and is warming up to norm but he still has a favouritism problem so vanessa gets away with much more. Norm and buford have teamed up to prank her to even the scales

-middle child syndrome norm is kinda amusing to me too cos. Look at him. Giant fuckass robot getting overlooked cos vanessa and buford are just THAT loveable (understandable)

-at some point vanessa got turned down at a school dance by a boy so norm danced with her in his stead to cheer her up

[mischiefthedreamerx]

To Heal From The Past [Part 3]

Synopsis: After the events in Cairo, Marc is returning to his childhood home, in hopes of rebuilding his distant relationship with his dad. With the help of Layla and Steven, is Marc finally ready to heal from the past?

A/N: A more smaller chapter but I thought this was important to add to the story. Since writing this chapter, I've realised I've been wanting to write more than just about Marc's past.

Work Count: 2.4k

Click here for part 4

Chapter 3: Learning The Truth

After the events of yesterday, Marc and Layla walked back to the house in the rain, Marc did not wish to speak to his father and Elias made very little attempt to speak and made himself invisible. They'll try again tommorow..

Marc and Layla took a shower after being drenched from the rain and spend the rest of the night in the guest room laying in bed talking about what to do next. Since the heated confrontation between Marc and his dad, Marc had almost had enough. It was Layla that was still keeping him sane. Though Marc now felt a weight lifted off his shoulders now that Layla knew of Marc's past.

"It has a name doesnt it? The disorder that you have." She said. It did have a name, a name that Marc had never said aloud, never even looked into it. He just accepted it or rather from the start he wanted to keep it seperate. Was he ashamed? No, Marc could never be ashamed of Steven. So why was Marc afraid of saying his disorder's name?

"Multiple personality disorder, right?" Layla asked. Marc ever so slighlty winced. He didn't want to call Steven a disorder. He was the brother that he could protect.

"I guess." Was all Marc said. Feeling unsatisifed, Layla got out of bed and took out her laptop from the suitcase.

"What are you doing?"

"Googling it." She simply said. Marc frowned.

"You're googling it..?" He said in disbelief.

"Yes. If we want to eventually tell your dad about this then it would be helpful for both of us to understand it from a proffesional point of view." She had a very good point actually. Marc hadn't even begun to think how to explain it all, in fact he never really explained it to Layla..

"Dissociate identity disorder." Layla read out as she showed Marc her screen. "Looks like the name was changed."

Marc attempted to make himself looked interested for Layla's sake. She deserved to understand it all after all.

Layla began to read parts of the explanation on a website she found; "A person with DID has a fragmented personality. The person experiencing themselves as having separate identities are called alters. All alters together make up the person's whole personality. Alters typically develop from dissociation caused by ealry childhood trauma."

"Alters? Makes me sound like a freaking alien." Marc commented.

"It makes sense though, this is a good explanation, Marc. Maybe learning about this will help both of us. Apparently those with DID report up to having 10 alters." Layla said, eyes widening. This also caught Marc by suprise.

"Sounds like hell, all those voices." Marc could barely comprehend how hard that must be for someone to deal with. This made Marc question the possibility of a second alter..There were blanks his memory that neither he or Steven could remember. That was the only logical explanation.

"Do you think there's someone else other than Steven?"

Marc didn't really wish to answer. He was content with it being just him and Steven, they worked together perfectly fine. Yet again, he wanted to hide any potential truth from himself, to be in denial for as long as possible.

"Maybe. There's still these brief gaps in my memory. If there is a second.. alter, then they must want to be kept hidden." The word alter felt odd and foreign on his tongue.

"Guess they'll reveal themselves when they're ready." Layla said. One step at a time they'd figure this out together.

Layla close the laptop, putting it away as she moved closer, resting her head on Marc's shoulder.

"If you still want to leave, we can." Layla offered. Marc did wish to leave, but there was a stubborn aching part of himself that wanted to hear his dad apologise, to admit his fault and the part that he played during his childhood.

"One more day, that's all I'm willing to give him."

Another morning had arrived. This time, Marc was the one who awoke, Steven had not made an apperance yesterday. Marc pulled himself up looking around the room, he noticed that the bedroom door was slightly open. Marc could of swore it was closed, though perhaps Layla got up in the night and forgot to shut it.

After half an hour, Layla woke up too. The two of them prepared for the day to come, wandering what else could possibily go wrong. Marc let the morning drag. Whilst Layla had left the room to head downstairs, Marc stood infront of the mirror.

"Hope you're alright in there, buddy." He called out to Steven with a sigh. Before Marc could receieve a reply, there was a light knock at the already open door. Marc saw his father in his reflection.

"I come in peace." Elias held up his hand. "I just want to talk, son."

Guess Marc had no choice to decline this time.

"About what?" Marc replied harsly. Elias only smiled sadly, closing the door.

"Please, Marc. " Elias pleaded. Marc turned around. "We can go for a walk and talk if you prefer."

"No. We can talk here and get it over with. "

"Very well." Elias sat on the bed, he waited for Marc to sit next to him but he stayed standing up, holding his ground.

"Go on." Marc said, crossing his arms.

"I'm sorry, Marc. For what I did to you, or rather; what I didn’t do for you.”

Marc did not want to give his father the satisfacation of seeing him shed a tear.

"Yeah. You should be." Marc's voice tremble, slowly loosing its hostile tone.

Elias clasped his hands together as he began to confess. “You're right. I was a coward. I should of done something. I should of been there for you. "

"But you weren’t there for me." It was hopeless for Marc to keep his steady composure. He did not fight the aching pain that laced his voice, his eyes.

"No. I wasn't there for you."

This was all Marc wanted; for his father to admit the truth. Was that too much to ask for after all these years? An apology wasn't going to fix these years of heartache but it was a start. Marc hugged his arms around his chest

"Why did it take you so long to finally say this, dad? I spent years resenting you. I was ready to cut ties with you completely. " But a small paper of him hung on to any shred of hope.

"And you had every right to do so. I wanted to make amends, to stop you from leaving, the calls, the letters. After a few years I stopped, decided that it was for the best to let you go."

"Yeah, it was for the best but here I am, hopelessly thinking that this could ever work out between us. " Marc's heigtend emotions began to weigh heavy in his mind. He could feel Steven's presence drawing closer despite not hearing his voice. Elias stood up and placed his hand on Marc's shoulder.

"I know things will never be the same between us but believe me when I say this Marc; I never stopped loving you. I never blamed you for what happened. I should of protected you like a father was suppose to.” Yet he had Steven to protect him instead.

Marc shrugged his shoulder to shake his father's hand away. Marc covered his face with his hands in frustration.

"Why did it take you long, dad? Why? " Was all he was able to repeat back in distress. Marc knew he wasn't really making much sense right now but his mind was too overwhelmed with thoughts. He coudn't pin point what he was feeling. Marc closed his eyes to stop the tears from falling but the redness was clear to see now.

"Why?" Marc's voice lacked any stregh at all now. Marc didn't want to fight anymore. He'd been fighting in more ways than one in his life. Emotionally, physically. Fighting agaist himself, against the ones he loved.

Sure, many may think Marc's heart was made of steel, he’d be a mercenary after all; he could take on the world by himself if he wanted to. The lone wolf of the night. Though deep down, there was a child wanting to be heal.

Elias stood there feeling hopeless, there wasn't anything he could say to fix this. Elias watched as his son fell apart infront of him.

The only thing Elias could do was pull Marc into a hug. Marc did not fight this, he accepted it because he had no anger left to give. Marc returned the embrace, his arms gripping his father to keep himself in one piece. That was when Marc began to sob, he didn’t care if Layla heard him. Didn’t care about his stupid pride. He felt like a boy who just wanted someone to hold him.

"I'm sorry, son.” Elias whispered. Though Marc was struggling to hear him over the sound of his cries. He couldn’t remember the last time he truly let go and cried.

Then Marc began to feel his mind drift away, far way. He tried to stay in the moment, to pull himself back. Marc knew what was happening. The distress was too much for him to bare.

Marc's crying began to stop, becoming more concerned with the potential event of him switching. He needed to calm himself down. Reluctantly, he pulled away from his father's embrace, taking a few steps back. He squinted his eyes shut, his face tensing up.

"Marc?" Elias spoke in concern. "What's wrong?"

Marc couldn't reply, he tried to block his father out, to focus on controling his breathing.

"Not now." Marc mumbled to himself, well, to Steven.

Thankfully Layla came to Marc's rescue. She quietly opened the door.

"Marc?" Layla said slowly. Marc could only shake his head, Layla had a clue on what might be happening.

"Let's give Marc a minute to himself." She said to Elias. "We'll explain everything soon, just not now."

Elias was only buried in more confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Please." Layla pleaded. Elias did what he was told. With a final glance at his son, Elias left the room with Layla.

Marc let out a long sigh of relief that he was keeping it. He sat himself on the bed, closing his eyes as he let the switch happen.

Steven blicked in confusion, piecing together what had happened.

"That could of gone real bad. Everything alright, Marc?" Steven asked looking at the mirror.

"Yeah. I'm fine." Though the tiredness in his voice suggested overwhise.

"Sorry." Steven winched. "Sometimes I just come out without a choice and it kinda just happen..."

"It's fine, Steven. When I get too overwhelmed.."

"I know." Steven smiled softly, he didn't need Marc to explain. "Steven Grant comes through to save you, right?

"And you've saved me more times than you'll ever know." Marc only wished he could hug him again like they did during their time at the Duat, but that was something that would never happen again.

"I've never known you to be such a big old softie, Marc." Steven joked.

"I am not a softie, that's you." Marc said defensively.

"Yeah alright, you keep telling yourself that, mate."

The door had opened as Layla came in, closing it behind.

"Steven?"

"Hi. Long time, no see. Hope you didn't miss me too much." Steven beamed with a silly grin.

"Of course I missed you. " She smiled playfully. "Marc and I have being doing some research on dissociate identify disorder to help for when we explain to Marc's dad about you."

"Di..ssociate what now?" Steven frowed.

"It's what Marc has. The whole seperate identify thing. That's what it's called. I thougt maybe it was a good idea for us to learn about it, to come to terms with it."

"Oh." The expressions fell from his face, his shoulders dropping. "I've already come to terms with it. I don't need some silly name for it." He said sounding unsatified.

"Have you really come to term with it?" Layla asked carefully. Had he? Of course he had. Steven had no choice to come to terms with it. Maybe he had a few concerning thoughts in his mind but Steven had always tried to stay positive and carry on. Him and Marc had been co-existing together just fine.

"Yeah. But the thing is, I'm not some bloody disorder though, am I? I've got feelings too just as much as Marc does." Steven exclaimed in distress. He was just as real as Marc was and that was how it would always be.

Layla sat next to Steven on the bed, turning to face him. "I wasn't calling you a disorder, Steven. You know how much I care about." She said softly.

And he believed and trusted every word she said. "Thanks, Layla." Steven managed to smile for her. "What if one day Marc doesn't need me anymore and I just...fade away? Is this whole diso-dis.." Steven frowned strugling to remember how to say the name.

"DID for short, if that helps." Layla couldn't help but chuckle.

"Right. What if this DID thing stops? Is it a temporary thing or is it kinda ‘set for life’ sort of thing?"

Layla had no clue, she wish she did to put Steven's mind at rest. "I don't know, Steven. We'll have to do some more research. You won't ever fade away. You'll always be right here." Layla placed her hand on Steven's chest where his heart was.

Steven looked down at her hand, he became flustared, lost for words. Was this the definition for being head over heels in love? Because Steven would gladly risk getting punched in the face a second time if it meant he could kiss her again.

To hell with it, Steven wanted to take that risk. With a lovestruck smile, Steven moved closer, his face almost touching Layla's. Layla did not move, or pull away as she waited. Her eyes slowly closing, her hand still resting on his chest. She could feel his heart beating faster.

Then Steven paused. He was on good terms with Marc now, he did not want to ruin it all by kissing his wife. Back then before the events in the Duat, Steven couldn't really care less about Marc, he wanted to get rid of him but now things had changed for the better.

So to Steven's disapointment, he pulled away. Layla tried to hide her disapointment but failed to do so.

"Sorry. You're Marc's wife, I don't want to hurt him. You're a real lovely lady, Layla and I like you a lot, and I’d really really like to kiss you again but.." Steven mumbled. Though it did not bring any comfort to Layla.

"It's fine, I understand." But from the sound of her voice, it was far from fine. Layla wasn't the type of person to hide any of her emotions or feelings, she never saw the point in being dishonest with one’s emotions. Steven was about to speak again but Layla pulled him into a warm embrace, her head resting on his chest.

Steven returned the embrace and they both remained in silence.

Today would be the day where Steven would no longer have to be kept hidden from Marc's father. He only hoped his existence would not screw this all up for Marc's sake.

_______________________

Originaly this chapter was Marc telling his dad about Steven but instead I thought it would be nice for Marc (and Steven) & Layla to learn about DID and come to terms with it more.

Here are the links to the websites that I got the information about DID from that Layla read out:

DID Fact Sheet - Alter Identities

[quitealotofsodapop]

MvA assorted headcanons

General:

So many years together has made the core monsters inseperable. If something affects one member, it affects the group.

All. The. Monsters. Are. Family.

It takes Susan a while to understand inside jokes and past incidents because of being the most recent addition.

There are Other anomalous creatures kept in Area 5X, but they are either non-sentient and/or are too dangerous to be kept around the more human-friendly monster group.

Area 5X is so gotdang big because they were expecting a lot more kaijus like Insecto to crop up. Sadly not many have surfaced to justify the space.

There’s a hangar in Area 5X full of wrecked UFOs. Some are spacecraft wreckage while others are stuff like weird meteors (Susan’s is in there), and at least one alien creature that got crystallised upon entering Earth’s atmosphere.

There’s significant difference in staff employed at different points throughout the past 50 years. There are far more women on the Area 5X worksheet than back in the 50s, and the guards are generally more sympathetic towards the monsters. Many modern staff members have been reprimanded or let go for failing to uphold secrecy, or for unnecessary cruelty towards the monsters.

Budget cuts were a legitmate concern up until the Battle of Golden Gate Bridge. The facility was far more barebones and sterile before the government had to formally recognise Area 5X’s importance. There have been a lot of redecorating at the facilty since the fat checks started coming in.

Putting individual characters under read due to length.

Susan:

Enjoys many hobbies considered stereotypically feminine; baking, sewing, cosmetics, etc...

Grandparents and extended family are farmers or are atleast connected to the business. Modesto is the agricultural centre of California after all. Her parents were the first of their generation to go against the mold and seek out white-collar careers.

Studied cosmetology in school and was working at a beauty salon to save up for her and Derek’s wedding.

Is very athletic and grew up doing a number of physical extracurriculars like cheerleading, dodgeball, and roller-derby.

Grew up being teased for being the shortest kid in her class/family. They still tease her for it.

Greatly fears causing collateral damage and/or harm to others through her size.

Has issues with anxiety, worsened only by her new job as “savior of earth”. She wishes for a confidant to tell her worries to.

Married life with Derek was doomed to fail. Susan had a plan in place for what came after the marriage, and focusing 100% on Derek’s career was not it. There’s also the line from Derek’s mother about Susan being “the weatherman’s wife”, implying that she was to be the homemaker and not have a career of her own. It’s possible that Susan was planning to settle down and have kids with Derek, but the lack of control she had in moving to Fresno implied that more was going on.

Is currently “taking a break” from love and dating, despite gaining many new admirers.

Tries her best to return to Modesto to visit her family and friends whenever possible, though work often keeps her away for weeks at a time.

If she retains her height-shifting abilities as in the series; Susan goes through really bad “growing” pains.

Link:

Was frozen in his relative late-teens during a cold snap. Got shifted around until he ended up somewhere in Greenland before being discovered by modern humans. Post-thaw he went a bit wild, swimming frantically back south to try and find his old enviroment.

Was one of many scrappy youngsters in his troop, with a number of adoptive parents. The strongest ruled the troop, and Link was fairly weak in comparision to the leaders. He had gotten into a fight the day of his freezing (over something silly in hindsight) and swam away to sulk. When he didn’t return after the cold snap - the troop accepted that he had likely died out on his own.

Likes to freak out humans by making up weird biology facts about his species and ones he’s fought against - like joking about laying eggs or having his tail dettach and regrow like a lizard. However there’s some things he has to ask about, because he doesn’t have medical knowledge or words to describe something.

A lot of his macho behavior came from imitating the guards who kept watch on him. 1950s violent military alpha males aren't a very good role model for someone who doesnt know what societal norms are yet. Link was a lot more insufferable back in the day but chilled out as he began interacting with other walks of life.

Has a high paternal instinct and immediately becomes softer around kids and smaller animals.

Has body language similar to a cat/alligator. Slaps his tail when angry or in deep thought. And yes; Link purrs/rumbles when happy.

Loves monster movies - especially the ones where the monsters “win”. He cried when he saw “Beauty and the Beast” and then immediately booed loudly when the Beast turned human.

Does Not Trust doctors or scientists due to bad past experiences. Will only go to Dr Cockroach and Monger if he ever gets hurt/ill. Gets stressed fast if he has to be in a waiting room or doctors office.

Link had no idea what gender indentities or orientations were until recently - he did come from a pre-human civilization that really didnt mind/care about the schemantics. It took him some time to wrap his head around it. He identifies himself as bisexual after much thought and many hours alone on the computer.

Don't press him about his body. He's built different from humans and cis people. He will punch anyone who doesnt respect his or anyone elses identity.

Has been in love before. It didn’t end well.

Will occasionally wear clothes, but finds it a challenge to find anything that fits him. Will give any shoes he finds to Dr Cockroach and BOB to eat.

The best driver/pilot out of all the monsters.

Dr Cockroach:

True name is Jaques-Yves Herbert. Prefers to just go by "Dr Cockroach" because he dislikes the association with his birth family.

Picks up human languages very easily, although not as quickly as he can understand animals.

Parents were a mixed scientist couple. His father was an aggressive “Strong British Man” that would beat him son down for not following orders or for not meeting his standards for a man. Dr C turned down both chances to attend his parents funerals.

This man isn’t straight. He probably uses old-fashioned slang when asked about romance such as; “I am Uranian” or “I wear a green carnation”. It took Susan a few times to realise what he meant, as she is used to a more open minded enviroment.

Got the idea of transforming into a cockroach from reading Franz Kafkas “The Metamorphosis” as a child. He sympathized with Gregor’s abusive situation, and began considering the possibilties of how one could survive better as a creature like a cockroach.

Studied in biology and entomology in the Uk before moving to the states to follow engineering. Obtained his degree in Dance as a “side gig” in University.

Has been barred from free access to the coffee maker/machine due to overnighters. Once stayed awake so long that he forgot the letter “R”.

Owned a terrarium of Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches throughout college. He mourned each of them when his roommate’s iguana got into the tank.

Was a "beatnik" back in the day and still kinda is. Embraces and encourages modern counterculture as he himself was not given such acceptance in his youth. He has however shamefully eaten his old Lenny Bruce album.

Hasn’t actually aged physically since his transformation. He attributes this to the fact that certain athropods can’t age physically beyond maturity. Link is very jealous.

Has obtained more degrees while in captivity, as Monger allowed him access to research and learning materials. He has however had his allowances revoked for previous escape attempts/doomsday devices.

Does still enjoy human food, but the cockroach instinct of "eat detritus" tends to overrule his eating choices. Can’t cook either.

Ironically a terrible driver. The damages from previous drives has made Monger restrict him from operating even a razor scooter.

BOB:

Pretty much considers himself human. Was created by them, raised by one (Monger), and talks like one. Gets sad when he's reminded that no other humans are blue blobs like him.

Absorbed some dna from the scientists present at his "birth", leading to his eye, speech, and omnivorous diet.

Doesnt actually need to breathe (as he can just absorb oxygen through his mass) but the fact that humans Do means that BOB thinks he has to as well.

Shares some physical characteristics with tomatoes/nightshade plants, as he is technically half tomato. He refuses to eat tomatos for this very reason, considering it cannibalism.

Attracts garden pests looking for a tomato plant. This unwittingly makes BOB a pretty good bug zapper.

Still retains his "mental broadcast" ability from "BOB's Big Break" although at a more subtle level. He tends to parrot the things he accidentally "eavesdropped" on.

Is empathetic, and can tell when others aren't doing ok emotionally. Will flop down on someone who’s really sad to comfort them. No brain, only heart.

Best cook out of the monsters. If he doesn’t forget what he’s making at least.

"Whats a gender? Can I eat it?"

Insectosaurus:

Core body is that of a Japanese Silkmoth, although she ended up being spliced with other animals present on the island during her initial mutation; namely ants and ground squirrels.

Eats over a literal ton of mulberry leaves per day. Also enjoys oranges.

Secretly wishes to be more humanoid.

Was only able to pupate and transform due to physical trauma. It seems that her transformation was like a “power-up” that required her to be in geniune distress for it to activate.

First language is Japanese. She learned it from the intial recovery team, and later developed an understanding of English from years in Area 5X.

Goes into torpor in cold weather. Pretty much impossible to wake her up for missions during Winter, as she needs to “rev up” before becoming mobile.

Still very much Link’s best friend. Still enjoys sports, chicks, and beer.

Monger:

Full name is; Warren Rex Monger.

Is very protective of the monsters and will defend them to the death.

Pretty much raised BOB (as seen when BOB was a baby blob in “Night of the Living Carrots”), and considers him his “freaky gelatinous son”.

Has a reputation of being a “control-freak” due to his aggressive overseeing of the monsters’ containment. This toughness is partly because of incidents that occured without his knowledge. Lets just say some scientists have been wedgied/fired for running experiments on the monsters without Monger’s approval.

Has a very “Ron Swanson” emotional response and view of the world. Crying is acceptable only at funerals and at the Grand Canyon (if he hadn’t lost his tear ducts in the war).

Has been married multiple times. Will not confirm or deny if he is currently seeing anyone.

Invisible Man/TiM:

Legit got out but no one at Area 5X is sure how. He suffered a geniune medical emergency and disappeared after surgery. The other monsters were informed that he died from complications to deter them from getting escape ideas.

Is able to be detected in Infrared light. Dr Cockroach managed to rig up goggles to view TiM in case of injury and to foil pranks.

Was a scientist working on an invisibility potion for the military and used himself as a guinea pig. Hasn’t actually been able to replicate his results since - thinks the effect may have been caused by a genetic abnormality.

Dr Cockroach and him are massive rivals. Both actually met eachother pre-transformation through a CalTech expedition. This makes the pair one of few people that have seen the others human face.

Is 100% naked. Was forced to wear clothing once this was discovered.

A massive prankster and a cynic. Him and Link were a force to be reckoned with.

Has revisted the facility multiple times and has started a number of ghost stories.

Any additions are welcome! I proably have alot more to dump about. Might make one of the alien characters from the series