#even if I could get a job I couldn't hold it due to illnesses and shit so. rip to me

[ladysharmaa]

Break in

Jay Halstead x reader

summary: when Jay's girlfriend is home alone while he's at Molly's, someone tries to break into their house

Y/n was looking disinterestedly through the fridge, closing it with a sigh when she couldn't find anything to eat that she felt like. It was a slow night, her workday had been quiet at the hospital, with only a few patients showing up.

Her boyfriend, Jay, had invited her to join him and the rest of the police department at Molly's. However, she refused, wanting him to spend quality time with his friends, feeling that she had already stolen him from them long enough after he took a few days to take care of her after she fell ill.

Detective Chuckles: Is everything okay out there? The guys miss you! Wish you could be here with me :(

The ringing of her cell phone snapped her out of her thoughts, a small chuckle escaping her lips as she read Jay's message. But she couldn't deny the butterflies that invaded her stomach knowing he was thinking about her. Their relationship was relatively recent, but they had never felt stronger love.

Jay once revealed to her that he realized she was the most important person to him when he was called on an undercover mission. They had only been dating for about 2 months. When he returned, after all the time they hadn't been together, he was shocked to see her waiting for him. He thought she had abandoned him, realizing that she couldn't live with his job, but he was wrong. He ran to her, picking her up and spinning her around a little, her laughter echoing through the room.

After answering his text, Y/n lay down on the couch, watching a movie while waiting for her boyfriend to come home. She didn't even notice when, halfway through the movie, her eyes started to get heavy, and she gave in to sleep.

She woke up again when she heard the lock on the front door click, almost as if someone was trying to get in. Too lazy to get up, thinking it was Jay trying to get in, Y/n tried to call him to remind him he had a key, in case he was already a little tipsy.

At the end of the second ring, the cop answered, but something made Y/n freeze in place, glancing at the door in alarm. She could hear the noise coming from the other people at the bar, meaning he wasn't the one at the door.

"Baby, you there? Is everything okay?" Jay's voice brought her back to reality.

"Jay, aren't you the one trying to get in by any chance?" her voice shook, still standing in the same spot on the edge of the sofa, now raised.

"What? Guys, shut up, I can't hear Y/n. Baby, I told you I'm at the bar with the rest of the group." his voice immediately became serious. "Why? What's happening?"

"Jay, I think someone is trying to get in." Y/n muttered, holding the phone tighter to stop it from falling due to the shaking of her hands. Her wide, frightened eyes were fixed on the door.

As soon as those words left her mouth, Y/n heard a noise on the other side — Jay was shouting something to Severide. Then, there was silence until the sound of Jay's jeep engine was heard.

"Y/n, I need you to listen to me very carefully. You go to our room and lock the door. Then you go to the bathroom and stay in the bathtub until I come and get you. No one else, just me. Do you think you can do that?"

From Jay's voice, Y/n noticed that he went into police mode, speaking calmly but with authority. In fact, this was just so he wouldn't lose control and be able to help his girlfriend, despite the fear that was spreading throughout his body.

"I need verbal responses, baby. Do you understand?"

"I understand." her voice shook.

"Good girl. Everything's going to be okay." Jay tried to comfort her, breaking all the traffic rules and having the sirens on to get home faster.

His heart was tightening in his chest, almost stopping him from breathing. He blamed himself, he knew he should have stayed at home with Y/n, and now she was in danger, and he couldn't protect her.

Behind him, Severide followed him in his vehicle on a 911 call.

"I'm scared, Jay." Y/n's scared voice caught the police officer's attention.

"I know, baby, I know. But I need you to be brave until I arrive. I won't let anything happen to you. I just need you to hold on and then we'll finally go to bed and cuddle. Does that sound good?"

"Yeah." She felt tears coming to her eyes but tried not to let them fall. Just like Jay said, she had to be brave until he came to save her.

Y/n then started to go to her room until she stopped halfway up the stairs when the front door handle stopped turning. For a moment, she thought she was exaggerating and it was just someone who made a mistake in the house. But the panic returned when the automatic rear light came on, indicating that someone had passed by.

Jay only heard the gasp she let out. "What? What's happening?! You need to talk to me, Y/N."

"I think they're trying to get in through the back. I don't know if I locked that door!" She stopped her speech suddenly. "Oh god, I just remembered I left Missy sleeping in the kitchen."

"Y/n, do not go in there just because of the fucking cat!"

Jay didn't even like the little furball who seemed to hate him from the moment Y/n started dating him. However, he knew that his girlfriend would never forgive herself if something happened to the cat.

"Don't scream at me! I would be such a bad owner if I didn't come back to get my cat."

"I don't care about the damn cat when you're in danger!" Jay argued, but he knew Y/n was already heading downstairs to get Missy.

When Y/n arrived, she quickly found the animal on the dining table, looking super calm, an emotion quite contrary to what Y/n was feeling. Picking her up and quickly kissing her head, the girl thought about what her next step in the plan would be: go back up the stairs or find another place to hide.

However, the intruders finally opened the door, and the choice became obvious. Y/n quickly ducked and hid behind the kitchen counter so she wouldn't be seen. On all fours and with Missy under her arm, she grabbed a knife and tried, as silently as possible, to head towards the pantry.

"Y/n, don't go silent on me. Tell me what's going on. I'm three minutes away."

"They're here, Jay. I'm in the pantry with a knife." Her breaths were ragged and shuddering. She had to put her hand over her mouth to stop herself from crying. "I was so stupid. Why didn't I do what you said? I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. God, don't apologize, sweetheart." Jay muttered with a heavy heart, running his hand over his face in despair, never having felt greater helplessness.

"They're getting closer." Y/n whispered, closing her eyes and holding her hand in front of her mouth so you wouldn't hear her heavy breathing. Jay slammed his hands on the steering wheel, clenching his jaw and thinking about what he could say to his girlfriend. "I love you, Jay. So much."

"Don't say that like it's goodbye, Y/n. I can't take it." He shook his head, using all his strength not to break down and burst into tears. "I'm almost there. One minute."

But Y/n was no longer able to respond. That's because a man, dressed all in black, entered the kitchen and looked around. She was peeking through the pantry bars, hoping he wouldn't be able to hear her and that Missy kept quiet.

She just had to hold on for one minute. Jay would be there on time. Either way, she held the knife in front of her, ready to attack. But deep down, she knew she had no chance against the muscular man. Very easily he would be able to throw her down and take the knife from her. But she wouldn't go down without a fight.

She knew that if it came to that, she would have to try to scratch him to get his DNA under her nails. That way Jay and his team would have a better chance of catching this man.

The man got closer and closer to the pantry. Y/n's hands were shaking uncontrollably. She just wanted to close her eyes and discover that it was all a nightmare. But as much as she wanted to, this was reality and the fact that she could die that day became more and more real and scary.

She didn't want to die without kissing Jay one last time. Without calling her parents to tell them she loved them. Without telling her best friend she should take the first step and text the boy she liked. She wanted to be a mother. She wanted to marry Jay and experience an eternity with him.

But just as she was ready to run out with the knife pointed at him as soon as he opened the pantry door, the man was pulled aside. She heard a moan of pain followed by things falling to the floor. Y/n wanted to go out and see what was happening, but Jay's words echoed in her head: stay hidden until he came to get her.

And then came immense relief. She heard sirens. Before she could process everything that was happening, the pantry door opened. Y/n, in a moment of panic, got up and tried to attack, the person easily dodging and putting his hands up in defense. It was only then that she realized that the person in front of her was Jay, and the intruder was on the ground, bruised, and being arrested by another police officer.

Missy, with all the commotion, quickly ran up the stairs, probably hiding in the guest room until things calmed down. In turn, Y/n dropped the knife on the floor, her face contorting and her lips trembling. She began to cry, finally releasing all the panic and fear she felt. She was pulled into Jay's arms and into his chest.

With his arms around her, feeling his warmth and the movements of his chest, Y/n finally felt safe. Jay kissed her head, saying words of comfort in hopes that she would calm down.

"Jay…" she cried, grabbing his shirt with a very tight grip.

"I'm here, baby. I'm not going anywhere. It's okay. You're safe. Shh…"

Jay then just pushed her away slightly, holding her face with both of his hands. "Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm okay. I was so scared."

"I know, baby. But you were so brave, I'm so proud of you. And I'll never let this happen again, I promise." he gave her a small kiss on the lips, pulling her back to him. She would never disappear from his sight again.

"Hey, sweetheart." Gabby's voice broke the moment between her and Jay. Y/n she turned her head to look at the woman she adored so much, only now realizing that Severide and Brett were watching the scene from afar. However, she continued to grab Jay's shirt, ensuring he stayed close to her. "Do you mind if we go to the ambulance just to make sure everything is okay?"

A moment of hesitation. Brett, realizing the problem, stepped forward and with a gentle smile said, "Jay can come too."

So, Y/n nodded in permission, following the paramedics to the ambulance. Outside, there were two more police cars and neighbors were in front of their houses in their pajamas to see what was going on. Always under Jay's arm, Y/n waited for Dawson and Brett to do their assessment, ensuring that everything was really okay.

After ensuring that there was no need to go to the hospital, despite a lot of resistance on Jay's part, Y/n won the argument with the condition that the next day, Will would stop by to check on her. But at that moment, Y/n just wanted to sleep with Jay next to her.

Once in bed, the man had one arm over her protectively, making sure there was no space between them. "I will protect you until the end of my life. I love you."

"I love you too." she looked at him with just love in her eyes. Finding a more comfortable position, Y/n closed her eyes and tried to sleep.

But Jay stayed up all night. The most important thing is that Y/n recovers after that traumatizing night. And if she had any nightmares, he would be there to protect her.

[ch3rriiii-bunn]

Muzan with a demon that constantly changes to suit their needs (like if evolution was simple and easy to do). if they needed to get away very fast, they'll sprout wings and fly home. If they need to get something in the water they'll become scaley & fishy and breath water.

Seeing as Muzan hates change and has stated so... What if their s/o was like that?

Shape shifter

Paring: Muzan x Demon!Gender neutral reader

Synopsis: Muzan hates your shape-shifting (to a certain extent because I wanna make it cute)

Content: reader is a shape-shifting demon, mean Muzan, some wholesome moments, soft muzan (a little), reader taking on/turning into animal like forms, my stupid humor, Muzan being a cat person.

Word count: 0.6♡

A/n: AHHH THIS IS SUCH A CUTE IDEA OMG. I'm gonna write it in headcanons :3

Muzan. Who hates your shape-shifting at random times. Muzan, you and gyokko heard there was a magic lake that healed humans without any medicated water. You heard the rumors, so it was your job to take Muzan and Gokko there. Muzan was about to order Gyokko to do a search drive in the lake but you, decided to take it upon yourself to dive in with the appearance of a half fish half woman, almost like a mermaid to start the search. "They're good!" Gyokko said and looked at Muzan, who's now shaking his head in filtration.

They watched you emerge from out of the water and swim back to Muzan. "I didn't find anything- AHHH!!" You screamed as Muzan began to throw salt on you, knowing full well how sea creatures react to salt. "Change back! Now!" Muzan said, and gyokko tried to stop Muzan, but he also got hit with salt as well.

Muzan. Who will take advantage of your useful blood demon when nessacary. Nakime fell ill, and Muzan needed to get somewhere quickly due to his busy schedule. When you heard your boyfriend master Muzan, needed to get somewhere quickly, the frist thing you decided to do was shape-shift yourself into a harpy. You flew, holding Muzan's arms with your claws and you looked down to see his grumpy/annoyed expression.

"That bird version of hantengu taught you how to do this, didn't he?" Muzan asked, and you nodded happy. "Yes, his name is Urogi," you said to Muzan, but he scoffed. "Yeah. You smell like him, too. Fucking disgusting" he said. You weren't paying attention and ended up crashing into the tree.

Muzan. Who needed you to catch a really fast slayer with yellow hair. The reason? Muzan couldn't stand the bright color, and so you got down on all fours, shape shifting to have the appearance of a cheetah. "When I said get him, I didn't mean like that!" Muzan shouted as you ran off and already stressed out with how stupid you look.

You stopped running and sat down exactly like a big cat. "So... should I turn into a car? I don't think I can do that," you said, bringing your paw to your chin to think meanwhile the yellow haired slayer had run away further. "GO FUCKING GET HIM" Muzan screamed.

Muzan. Who arrived at the main spot in the infinitely castle where upper moon meetings are held. "Oh wow! You really did it! Look at that Akaza-dono," Douma said. They hadn't noticed Muzan's arrival yet, and he raised his brow, moving a bit closer to see what Douma and Akaza were so invested in. Muzan noticed you used your blood demon art to shape shifts into a small cat.

He didn't even know you could ever do that, especially at this tiny size. "Mm. I didn't think you could do it. Good job, I love cats." Akaza was about to pet you when he realized his own hand had fallen to the ground next to you after being severed. "Huh?" Akaza and Douma said, relaxing that you were also gone. They look behind them and froze in fear.

"How dare you touch my significant other," Muzan said, his voice rough as he glares at Akaza and Douma. Before they could explain themselves, they heared loud purring sounds. "...Master. I think you've taken alike to one of your significant other appearances" Kokushibo leaned down to Muzan's height, snapping him out of it to realize his thumb was rubbing your cheek. When muzan realized what he was doing, he just dropped you.

"Idiotic is what it is.." he said angrily and walked away with you still as a cat following him. However, the upper 3 could see Muzan actually found this form cute since they got a glimpse of the blush on his cheeks.

[catscidr]

hi.. hello... may I request a dottore fic w/chronically ill reader? chronically ill as in, can't get enough sleep due to pain, doesn't clean themselves/shower, or doesn't eat a lot due to the pain and loss of appetite.

this part is a bit self indulgent but maybe reader can't walk properly due to it and needs assistance by dottore (or his segments) to hold her hand and let her cling onto them as they walk?

absolutely understandable if not! hope you have a good day :) 🕊

yes!! absolutely!! (included this other ask too bc i felt they were similar enough) im sorry i disappeared for a bit, life happened and this and that and i didn't have time to write and when i did i just.... couldn't write LOLヽ(；▽；) i don't have a chronic illness so i did my best with what i had (google and my own experiences with body pains n stuff(?) ) so pls lmk if there's like. any wording i should change and whatnot. big smoochies to u nonnie i hope this makes you feel at least a little better ♡♡ ⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝ cw: a whole lotta fluff, established relationship, dottore is probably a little ooc bc he's very soft, him and The Clones are doting on reader HARD. reader is shorter than the men includes: fem reader, dottore and his segments (Omega is the oldest, Delta is webttore, Iota is the youngest), Columbina is mentioned, fatui npcs are also mentioned wc: 2,3k

The doctor was infamous for being cruel, aloof and barbaric. From his experiments to his way of treating his coworkers, practically everyone that worked in the Fatui wanted nothing to do with him, since even if they happened to not get on his bad side, even being associated with him meant other members of the organization would look at them funny. The only people the Harbinger spoke to daily, apart from you, were his many segments. 

The same couldn’t be said for you though. When you could, you’d spend time with Viktor or Ekaterina whenever they were in Snezhnaya, hang out with Damselette when she was free or simply just make small talk with anyone willing to stop by for a chat. Unfortunately, you haven’t been able to enjoy other people’s presence since your body’s been feeling quite sluggish as of late, exhaustion seeping into your limbs much quicker than it should. Your predicament made it so that you were confined to the four walls of your room most days, human interaction being limited to Dottore and his clones. 

Not that you particularly minded, since they were an entertaining bunch. Dottore took care of you most of the time, but since his job was quite demanding, he couldn’t be there for you all the time. Which is where his segments came in. 

“The soup isn’t that hot, and I already blew on it! Just eat already,” Delta grumbles loudly, his patience wearing thin as it made way for aggressive worry to take place. You stick your tongue out at him, a tired and petty act of rebellion despite your situation. 

“I dare you to take a sip. For sure it’ll be able to melt your mechanic tongue right off,” you huff in annoyance, both from the minimal hours of sleep you’d been getting and your own patience coming to an end. The man makes a tsk sound, torn between wanting to prove you wrong by humoring your suggestion or wanting to just grab an ice cube and tossing it in the bowl in malicious compliance. He doesn’t have time to decide though, because two people come into your room right as he opened his mouth to reply. 

“Prime told me to check in on you,” Omega says as he breaches the doorframe. “You’re taking too long.” he adds, crossing his arms. The older segment stares down at his maskless coworker, lips curling down in a frown. Delta scowls, readjusting himself on your bed- he was sitting to your right, his legs thrown over the side of the bed. He glances over his shoulder at the interruption, scowl now much more genuine as he glares daggers at the older segment. 

“I would have been back a long time ago if someone,” he doesn’t hide the way his eyes glance over at your sulking form, “had cooperated with me.” Still holding up the spoon he had tried to feed you previously, he lowers it into the bowl while gesturing for Omega to come closer. The latter walks over to the bed calmly while Iota saunters over to your left side, chatting up a storm about how he’s missed you and asking when you’ll be joining them back in the lab again. 

“Maybe if you knew how to speak to women,” the oldest taunts, lips curling into a small grin, the only feature visible on his masked face. You giggle as Delta bites back an insult, purposely ignoring his superior to instead try to make you get something in your system one more time. 

“Where’s Dottore?” you ask the Omega segment, turning your face away from Delta. The latter glares at you, handing over the bowl of soup to the other man. Iota suggests feeding you but is quickly dismissed by the other two, much to his dismay. 

“Busy. Although he said he would come by to test something, if I recall correctly... didn’t mention what it was, though,” the masked segment says, blowing on a spoonful of soup to cool it off. You nod, eating the spoonful when Omega presents it to you, earning a look of disbelief from Delta. “How are you feeling today?” the oldest asks, tuning out Delta’s many choice words aimed at him. You do the same, focused on eating and taking your time swallowing the food so as to not upset your already sensitive stomach. 

“Could be better,” you respond with a sigh. “I feel pain... everywhere. And I’m tired but I can’t sleep,” you add between spoonfuls. Omega nods, letting you rant as he silently listens to you while subtly observing the way your chest heaves up and down, as if your lungs were working overtime to accommodate to an elevated heart rate. 

He hums, dipping the spoon in the bowl to feed you again. You shake your head at him and put a hand up in front of your mouth, your brows creasing your forehead. The clone doesn’t push further and instead hands Iota the unfinished bowl of food, quietly asking for him to put it away. The young boy nods eagerly, happy to be of use as he scurries away. Delta follows after him to make sure he doesn’t break anything, but glances behind his shoulder to take one last look at you, worry obvious on his usually irked face. 

“How long has it been since Prime has last given your previous dose of aspirin?” he asks, leaning closer to you to push your hair out of your face. Expression scrunched up in discomfort from the sudden food intake, you make a noise of discontentment, a vague answer to his question. He frowns but doesn’t voice his displeasure aloud, instead comforting you through your nausea. Noticing pearls of sweat beading up on your hairline, Omega pulls your bed sheets away slightly, making you more comfortable. 

“Can you try swallowing for me?” he asks gently, tilting his head forward and to the side to look at your throat. It takes you a hot second but after some struggle you do as he instructed and swallow, your throat bobbing up as you do, and the segment hums in satisfaction. “Good,” he murmurs quietly, placing one hand on your shoulder to help you straighten your back. 

“Let me help you up. Hold onto my hand for me?” Omega asks, helping you slip out of bed, putting a strong arm under yours to help you stand up. You wordlessly interlock your fingers into his own and wobble slightly, knees weak and devoid of strength, but he holds you up, bending his own knees slightly to accommodate your height. The wave of nausea comes and goes, making your legs unsteady as the clone helps you walk towards the bathroom connected to your bedroom. 

Delta comes back without Iota in tow and immediately notices your discomfort. His legs work faster than his mind and he’s to your left in the blink of an eye, supporting your weight as well to help you and Omega out. The three of you reach the sink counter and as the oldest helps you sit up on it, Delta squints at his fellow clone. 

“Can one of you get my bucket,” you manage to croak out between deep breaths, head slumped forward to rest against Omega’s shoulder. While he rubs soothing circles on your back Delta quickly grabs the bucket you kept in your room, footsteps as silent as he could as to not disturb you. You murmur a quiet thank you to him, sitting up to the best of your ability as you shoot him a grateful smile. 

“Are you feeling well enough to bathe or are you still lightheaded?” Omega asks, one of his gloved hands coming up to your forehead. He feels some heat seep through the leather fabric but waits for your answer nonetheless, crimson eyes covered by his mask staring into you. You nod, leaning into the coolness of his hand. 

“Mmhyeah, jus’ help me out a bit,” you mumble sleepily, exhaustion taking over your nausea. Delta doesn't need to be told twice as he turns on the tap to fill up the bath, keeping a hand beneath it to make the sound of water splashing in the tub quieter to avoid bothering you. 

✧✧✧   

With a towel resting over your head and newfound energy flowing through your limbs, you saunter into your partner’s main lab to find him. Omega had left shortly after you finished bathing, begrudgingly telling you that he had to go back to work- but Delta stayed with you long enough to keep you company while you let your eyes rest. He gave you some painkillers- nothing like what Dottore gave you to keep the pain at bay, but it worked as a temporary solution- and you felt energized enough to leave your bedroom to get ahold of Dottore. 

Delta walked behind you, not wanting to go back to the laboratory just yet but the last thing he wanted was to leave you alone, his mind working up a multitude of scenarios in which you’d get hurt. Although he was all bark and no bite, he still cared about you immensely- more than he’d ever admit. He watches your hair drip water onto the pristine white tiles as you walk and steps on the water with his boots, smudging the liquid to wipe it away. 

“Dottore!” you exclaim happily, eyes lighting up when you finally catch sight of the familiar mop of blue hair paired with his matching tired eyes and scarred skin adorning his face. The Harbinger looks up from his work, eyes displaying a mix of surprise and something akin to irritation- a result from catching him off guard. 

“Darling,” he says softly, quietly enough that you barely catch the loving nickname slipping past his chapped lips. “Did you eat?” he asks, brushing the dirt off his hands on his slacks. You engulf his torso in a warm hug, immediately comforted by the familiar faint scent of his cologne and whatever cleaning supply he used in his lab. He returns the hug gently and Delta looks away immediately, flustered at the sight of his boss being publicly affectionate. 

You respond with a muffled mhm, refusing to pull away. “Didn’t eat much but it was something. Omega ‘n Delta helped me bathe. Took something for the pain. Now I’m here,” you summarize, face still smushed against him. He hums in approval, but concern still creases his brows as he uses one of his hands to rub up your back and the other to dry off your hair completely using the towel on your head. Delta murmurs an excuse before leaving the premises, not able to withstand the pda. 

“You shouldn’t be out of bed,” he says sternly but softly. “I’m working on something that’ll help you in the long run, it’ll do you good to allow your body to recuperate as much as it can. Have you been sleeping alright?” 

You slump against him. Of course he’d notice how tired you were even if he couldn’t see your face. 

“...No,” you mumble. He doesn’t respond, but you feel his head moving as he looks around his workspace, seemingly looking for something. He lets out a quiet aha when he does and he brings his arms down to your shoulders to push you away. 

“I have something you can take to help you sleep. You shouldn’t feel nauseous nor dizzy when you take it as well,” Dottore says, immediately talking about the possible complications before you can even open your mouth to refuse his offer. “I tested it out myself,” he adds, lips curling into a small smile when he sees your face change from a pout to bewilderment. 

“You? The great Dottore, ex-scholar of the Akademiya, willingly taking medication to make him sleep? You never get rest, and you expect me to believe you when you talk about sleeping medication?” you say with an amused scoff. Dottore raises a brow at your teasing but doesn’t comment on it, instead he chooses to brush his pointer finger’s knuckle beneath your eyes. 

“You should believe me because I never get rest, my love,” he says fondly. “And because your dark circles are so prominent, I could probably see them from the other side of the laboratory.” he adds. You huff but lean into his touch, eyes drooping from the burst of energy catching up on your body. You hear him chuckle under his breath as he shifts his body to grab the medication in question and a syringe with a sterilized needle, preparing the equipment to administer it to you. 

“If you get an adequate amount of rest, I’ll take two days off work to take care of you properly. How does that sound?” he asks lightly, flicking the syringe to let out any air bubbles out. You look away with furrowed brows and roll your eyes, but still give him your arm. 

“Now you’re just trying to bait me,” you say, looking at him from the corner of your eyes. He shrugs, not arguing with your accusation because you were technically right. When he’s done with the syringe you feel his arms wrap around you, the warmth of his body making you sigh pleasantly. 

You can’t tell what it is that makes your body grow so incredibly tired so suddenly; if it was the medication, the strain on your body or if it was because you just felt that comfortable in Dottore’s arms, but you didn’t really care. As you felt Dottore move you to one of his couches, you reach out to grab onto his sleeve to keep him nearby. 

He complies, crouching to be at your level as you crack your eyes open to look at him. You murmur a quiet love you and shut your eyes contentedly, smiling softly once you feel his lips make contact with your forehead as you hear him clearly say I love you too back. 

[hotchfiles]

james potter + hold on by chord overstreet

lari's 100th follower bash + send me a song and one of my boys for a drabble

james + chord overstreet's hold on (come back, I still need you; let me take your hand, I'll make it right; I swear to love you all my life)

content warning: fay asked for this now we're all gonna suffer. suicide / character death (reader). do not read if depression, anxiety, mental illness, grief and these sorts of themes trigger you.

you called him, you called him. he kept thinking about that as you were taken to the ambulance, why, why did you call? why if he wouldn't be able to stop you. why? did you want him to come? was he supposed to come faster? did you set him up to fail? did you want him to come at all?

he knew, he knew, he knew he wasn't being fair. he knew those weren't the questions to ask. but you haven't called in months, maybe closer to two years now, what if he wasn't living around anymore?

what if he had gone back to his folks' town?

what if he wasn't home when you called his home phone?

did you even want him to come? were you asking to be saved? were you saying goodbye? he tried not to sob when he was instructed to call your family and meet them at the hospital.

you're not related, you can't come with her.

you're not related, he was just your ex from years ago. he couldn't make decisions for you if needed. he couldn't even keep his hands on your cold cold ones on the ride there, he was forced to shove down his sobs to be able to drive and not cause an accident due to his blurry sight.

you asked him how he was, your voice weak. he was so confused but happy nonetheless, he had missed your voice didn't matter how high or low you spoke. he told you about his new job, his new glasses, his new apartment. but you avoided his questions any time he tried to know more about how your life was.

i just want to hear your voice, jamie, please keep talking. it was such an odd request to have, but he didn't mind, he missed you so much, his best friend, his first love. so he kept talking, he told you about his week, and peter's new girlfriend, and remus' phd, how sirius had gone viral with one of his songs. he only stopped when he thought you were asleep, complete silence coming from your end of the line.

he heard a noise, your phone dropping. a shiver went through his back, he called for you, hoping you would wake up and pick it up, apologize for falling asleep.

you didn't. he had to call the ambulance on the way there. even so he got to your apartment first, he had to break through so many doors to get to you his arm and shoulder were sore, you were stomach down on your bed, arm hanging out of it, phone far on the floor.

cold. barely breathing.

he did cpr to the best of his abilities, his hands were shaking, his own lungs seemed like they were about to give it up as the tears took his eyes, his cheeks, his neck. his own voice breaking, begging you to wake up. telling you to not leave him.

the rescue came in seconds later, finishing the medical predicament and taking you with them.

he shouldn't have left. when you told him you wouldn't be able to keep a long distance relationship for an year so he could go to barcelona, he should've stayed. he should've looked for you when he came back. he knew of your issues, he had his own, you took care of each other. made sure all meds were taken, all doctor's appointments were scheduled.

james wasn't that arrogant, he knew you wouldn't do something like that because of him. he knew he wasn't the reason. still the guilt made him so sick to his stomach he had to stop his car on the side of a road to throw up what he had for dinner earlier. he called your parents before getting back to his car, trying to keep calm not to freak them out even more.

i found her in her bed, she was still breathing, she's going to the hospital. she's gonna be fine.

he arrived just in time to see you being pulled out of the ambulance, so many wires plugged into, a mask attached to your face. he took your hand with his, following the paramedics as they went to some room he wasn't sure for, he left a kiss to your forehead and shivered at how cold it felt on his lips. "i still love you, please, don't—i need you alive and well, don't give up, please." james could feel the stares from the staff, pity. sadness. he tried to ignore it as he plopped down to the floor when he couldn't follow anymore. his head hitting the wall softly as the memories of you washed him over.

you taught him what a panic attack was, and how to deal with his. you were the one to recommend the psychiatrist he was seeing now. you taught him coping mechanisms for anxiety while he was too stubborn to look for therapy himself.

you saved him from himself, from his own thoughts, so so so many times. not only that, but you gave him reason, purpose, calmness. he would remember your smile even in spain, he would wonder what you were doing, and the thought of you happy and free made any uneasiness he felt there, while he was alone and lonely, disappear. he remembered coming back to england, he had so many little trinkets he had bought especially for you on his baggage, and he was going to look for you but you seemed so happy on your socials.

good bloody one, james, trust the social media. he sighed, another hit of the back of his head to the wall. trusting your happy posting as if he didn't live with you enough time to know you always did it, it kept your parents safe from worrying too much. he knew it, he knew it, he knew it, why didn't he look for you before?

your parents ask him if you were dating again, james answers "not yet." completely hopeful this could might as well be some fucked up plan from fate to reunite you two. that you would be out of all of those wires, that mask, in just a few hours. and he would cry and hug you and tell you to never scare him again like that. he would take your hand, now warm, and reach to his heart so you could feel how he still felt for you.

that hope came crashing down when he came back from the cafeteria, coffees on both his hands for your parents.

your parents who were talking to a doctor. his vision blurred again with the awful yell he heard from your mum. both cups straight to the floor as he approached the doctor for explanation.

you're wrong. she's alive. you're wrong.

his knees felt weak and he dropped to the floor of the hospital once again that night. sobbing as he hugged himself wishing you were being embraced by him.

wishing you would be waiting for him when he got home, snacking something so so so unhealthy while drinking diet coke.

but you wouldn't. never again.

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for causing the likely deaths of my friend and his big sister?

This is going to be a long story, but I'll try to summarize. I (???NB) and my friends are physically incapable of dying, a limitation put in by our... I suppose parents? who have all long since left us. We are all frustrated, but continuing our jobs despite their absence. I have a lot of friends involved in this story, but the most important I will call P (???M,) N (???M), and P's big sister M (???F). I should note that P and M are located very close to each other, and share resources.

P came to me recently to vent about the lives we have been forced to live, saying that he's tired of trying to work and angry that we were all left here, and that it wasn't fair. I had told him that none of us were happy, but worked because we couldn't do anything else, akin to bugs trying to find a way out of a maze. At the time I thought I had handled the situation fairly well, but I'm starting to doubt that now.

Time passed, and P's condition didn't get any better, and I started feeling really bad about it. This is where I messed up; I sent P illegal information conveying a loophole regarding our immortality, giving us a way to die that he could look into. I didn't think he would immediately act on it, he is usually much better with doing research, but after a long while of silence from him I started to worry if something was wrong.

That's when M came to me and the rest of our group to tell us P had been taking more resources than his usual share, (water to be specific,) and was taking a large majority of what she needed to upkeep herself. She asked everyone to try and get in contact with him because if he didn't stop whatever he was doing, it would kill her. She said she would try to force communication with him if all else failed, though I'm not sure if she's done that yet.

Someone else in our group who I wouldn't really consider a friend, U (???NB) had ended up exposing P's poor condition after a long bout of silence. It turns out that he's very sick now due to failing the instructions I had given him. I sent another message to P, expressing my worry for him and his condition, and talked with N while waiting. P was furious upon receiving it however, blaming me and M for him being in the condition he was in now, and cutting off contact with me entirely. I haven't been able to get a hold of him since, and M had been unreachable for a long while before the message was even delivered.

I feel awful about all of this obviously, and am pretty sure that I'm the AH, but N keeps insisting to me that I'm not. I'm not sure that I fully trust his opinion though, because he's currently very mad at P which while I can understand, I feel is making N biased against him.

TLDR: I gave my immortal friend instructions on how to die, and him failing to replicate what I given him has caused him illness and his big sister has been silent for a long time. I feel I'm responsible for their fates. AITA?

[redroseinsanity]

Daisuga Week 2024 Day 3

Prompts used - Can I kiss you?/Sword

"Can I kiss you?"

Daichi tensed up.

Koushi tensed up too, except that his gracious smile never wavered.

The only person who had not tensed up was the smiling prince who had asked the question in the first place.

Prince Uto's eyes never left Koushi's face, and he boldly reached out to toy with a strand of silver hair.

Daichi felt ill, his stomach roiling as he realized with a horrible numbing of his fingertips that if Koushi said yes, he was going to stand by and watch the love of his life get kissed by his fiance.

Watch and do nothing.

Worse, guard them both, hearing the sounds they would be making as he surveyed their surroundings for threats.

In Daichi's opinion, the biggest threat was right there, holding Koushi's hand.

"That... May be a little fast," Koushi laughed, and it was so charming that no one could take offence despite the rejection.

Prince Uto leaned back, his grin in place as he shrugged, "Forgive me, I was too carried away by your beauty."

Koushi blushed as if on cue, but Daichi knew him well enough to know that the flush was slightly due to indignance, more than coyness.

Koushi was more than his looks and bristled when people only saw his beauty.

Daichi relaxed infinitesimally but his hand itched for his sword. He was dying to force Prince Uto back, away from Koushi.

But that was not his place.

Daichi was a mere bodyguard.

No matter how much he felt like it, he could not act like a jealous lover.

Instead, he clenched his fists and forced himself to look away from the murmured flattery that Prince Uto was spewing.

Focus on your job, he told himself.

Koushi safe and happy is enough, even if it's not with me.

It was enough.

The stolen moments, the discreet brushes of hand against arm, the nights they fought to stay quiet, gasping into the sheets, the laughter that came so easily when it was just the two of them...

Whatever they had had was enough.

Except that when Daichi slipped out of Koushi's chambers that night for his regular patrol of the corridors, he found himself at the tip of a sword.

He held himself very still, the hand that had automatically gone to the hilt of his sword freezing.

Prince Uto's white teeth gleamed in the dark, "I had a hunch but I tend to be right about those."

"It is late for you to be here," Daichi replied evenly, revealing none of the frantic pounding that his heart was doing, "Do you need a guide back to your chambers?"

Prince Uro scoffed derisively, "I need my fiance to be mine and mine alone."

He glared at Daichi in the darkness, his sword tip pressing in ever so slightly at the base of Daichi's throat.

Daichi didn't even flinch, "He will always be his own person, but he will be your husband once you are wed."

"Wrong," Prince Uto snarled, his sword drew the first beads of blood but Daichi couldn't seem to feel it, "As long as you are around, he will never be mine."

Daichi opened his mouth to respond but Prince Uto cut him off, "Leave him. A bodyguard like you will be replaceable. Leave him or I swear I will back out of this engagement in a way that will ruin him and your kingdom."

A roaring filled Daichi's ears.

Prince Uto was known for his ruthlessness, and for his power. Daichi had no doubt that he had the means and cruelty to follow up on his threat.

"Leave him now," Prince Uto repeated with a finality that Daichi felt in his gut, "Tonight."

Interconnected snippets for a story spanning @daisugaweek2024! Find Day 2 here. | Find Day 4 here.

[jasperjv]

Hey. So 2 years ago Connor Lavery's aka khonjin's psychological torture of me reached fever pitch in my psyche and I was involuntarily committed to a psychiatric hospital in a severe psychotic breakdown that lasted almost 3 months. Now I'm indexed in his long story of his supposed inexplicable persecution. He thinks me, in my psychotic state, demanding monetary compensation for his gaslighting and harassment, was some kind of attempt at "cancellation" and me throwing a tantrum instead of communicating like an adult. However I deleted my entire social media presence after getting back from the hospital and haven't bothered him since. But he still thinks I did something to him.

The man is dangerous. He believes that the worst sin of mankind is the ego, so he makes it his mission to bully the fuck out of everyone until they have no self-esteem, boundaries of their own, or healthy sense of self whatsoever. The elimination of the ego however is what psychosis is, also unable to suppress the flow of the unconscious, identical to a waking dream. But when that happened to me after 2 years of mind games, he retreated into himself and framed it in the most disgusting way possible. Which you will see.

Embedded here is the first video I made myself specifically on this topic. You will see more details in a more recent video, and follow the trail I put in that video's description to get my full story. For the podcast in particular I would give a content warning for assault, sexual assault, ableism ("saneism"?) and general torture and terror.

There's nothing on God's green earth I could do or say to force him to take me seriously. I have probably half of you people blocked because just seeing anything to do with him would make my blood pressure spike. And it's high enough as-is just due to genetics. Maybe the rest of you might be able to be reached.

I'm so sick of fucking self-centered freaks trying to hold me accountable for actual psychosis because they're so desperate to blame anyone or anything but themselves for their part in tragedy. I really get gaslit about my own psychosis, and forced to prove a negative repeatedly (which we know is a lexical impossibility). I'm handed a blatant double-standard about mental health awareness and basic human decency, when in many cases I desperately need it more than most. Schizophrenia sufferers are 1% of the population. We're dwarfed by most, if not all, other mental illnesses. In this I continue to be thrown alone to the wolves. Sometimes even while being laughed at, it truly feels like. So I feel like I have to do all in my power to help make sure that this happens to fewer people than it would otherwise.

The callouts in 2018, the types of points of persuasion they were trying didn't make sense to me. Maybe this, though, could strike others. I'm more specific about how exactly he destroys people from the inside out. Stay the fuck away from him.

He's scared of losing his financial support from Patreon and ad revenue or whatever. I really, truly felt for that for a long time. But now I know that none of us are obligated to keep his ass afloat. It would be nobody's fault but his own if he didn't even try to heal his fucked up mindset and was just a raging misanthrope nobody wants to deal with. When you get to be my age, you become aware of all the ways to make a living. He could get disability. He could get a factory job, for instance. And that paid me an absurd amount of money. He needs to make up his mind about if he wants to be around people or not. Because he can't keep treating them the way that he does.

Oh, and if you're reading this and you happen to have any social connections with him whatsoever, for the love of God, do not let him put you on the defensive. About anything. Over and over again. It chips away at you. He doesn't have the answers. He doesn't have any objective taste like he desperately wants to think. He doesn't know any wisdoms that you couldn't get from someone who won't talk down to you.

Took me quite a while to convince him of the truth that he is only older than me by only a few months. I needed my hope in humanity and the future in order to not go and end it all. He did not give a fuck. He kept accusing me of lying about not being a naïve teenager. Just for that. Ask any well-adjusted and experienced adult and they will tell you to stay far away from people like that. The motivations that drive them to that behavior and opinion are bad, bad news.

He is intelligent, in the scariest ways. Intelligence of that type allows dysfunctional people like him to fabricate lines of logic that justify and enable the abuse they already sought to do. Literally anything can be justified with just the right kind of logic. Trust your gut. Guard your mind. It's the only one you've got.

He leads an excessively stressful life, creates his own dysfunctional world both inside and around him. I truly believe that this causes him many health problems. I've been having nightmares because of him. And as this built up and weighed heavy on my mind I got a fucking hemorrhoid. It went away very quickly after I made this video.

I'm feeling anxious as I type this. But I have to tell myself that anyone who would continue harassment of me over all the truth I've spoken is not worth my time or space. This isn't for them. It's for me, and it's for people who still have basic respect and empathy left in them.

Yours truly,

"slug"

[allsadnshit]

I always thought when I finally got a diagnosis for my illness and body troubles that it would be way easier to start asking for what I need and being more assertive with my comfort zones but it hasn't actually done much because I am learning it was a mentality about myself that was making things hard, not necessarily language or medical terms.

I have been sick since at least 20 years old, so that's 7 years now of being scared to eat, lying awake at night, furiously google searching my symptoms, spending all my money on doctors visits and supplements, canceling plans, putting my life on hold, and having anxiety attacks at my job. I was so sure if I could just get a proper diagnosis that there would be medicine to change my life and the medical terminology as affirmation to myself and everyone else about what I was going through.

But even here now, post surgery, and equipped with so much language and lingo to describe my pain I am STILL scared to be a burden on anyone. I am still trying to cover my trail and only express the most relatable and mild aspects of my illness so I am not seen as unlovable or useless.

I fell asleep crying last night because of how badly my digestion has gotten this week and the overwhelming anxiety and pain it has come with, plus my teeth doing really poorly and still being fucked up after my wisdom teeth surgery and so many fillings the last year. I had a hot rice sack rotating from my cheek to my stomach till I finally fell asleep, and when I woke up I could tell I was starting to get a yeast infection too. I paced around all morning before I even fully considered texting my boss and telling her I think I need tomorrow off.

I finally did it, and even though she hasn't responded yet, I am really proud of myself. I feel guilty any time I need anything, especially due to health even though everyone in my life knows my situation. It's uncomfortable. It's embarrassing. I wonder if anyone will want someone so sick on their business or in their life.

I don't think many people see that side of illnesses... I think some people even believe we enjoy staying home and not being able to work the same way. That really couldn't be further from the truth.

[jojoturnip]

It's the first kidney stone I've had since living with you.

I realized after moving out that they had much less to do with my diet and much more to do with stress. Living with you hurt me in a lot of ways, especially at the end.

And, I'm not saying it's all you, obviously. I made a habit of piling my plate so full that I wouldn't have too see past the mountain of things to do to the work of healing and rebuilding myself. Our third roommate, the fleas, transitioning from college to working full time. That was all stress.

But, in my last few months of living with you, I was getting stones regularly. Something that had never happened before. And I'd had those busy-body habits most of my life.

It's heartbreaking, you know? Because I really did love you. I really did want to be your friend forever. I really would've lived with you again.

But, I was hurting myself.

I don't think you ever noticed it. I want to think you didn't know you were hurting me.

The first time I really cried after leaving was when I found out that you weren't narcoleptic. I'd always imagined that you couldn't get out of bed and do it yourself. That it had to be me by default, not by your choice.

I'm not so certain anymore.

That's not to say I don't believe you can't be chronically ill and struggle to get out of bed in another way. Of course you can.

But I was passing fucking kidney stones the whole goddamn time, and I still carried myself and then part of you, too.

Today was the first day I've taken off sick at my job. I really haven't felt sick much at all--a rarity for me in through the winter months. The latest stone came from stress, I invited my grandparents over after not speaking to them for three years.

I was so scared and nervous and just out of my mind. I did everything I could to distract myself, but I felt terrible. I knew I had to do it, before August rolled around. Sooner rather than later. I'd promised.

It makes sense that they're coming stressed me out enough to give me a stone. It makes sense that I've had more nightmares keeping me up recently.

What doesn't make sense is that they handled everything better than you did.

I spoke the truth to them. Not about everything, but enough. They don't need to know my whole story. We just have to find neutral ground. For my sister. For her daughter.

It hurt, and I cried so much the whole time, and they didn't even remember some of the hardest parts of my life. They tried to argue they had done more to face my father when we were kids, to get him to be a better dad, but they claimed he was out of their control. Claimed that he still is.

We're not on friendly terms. I doubt we ever will be, but they took it all so much better than you. They recognized I had my own life, and that I wouldn't be taking abuse or staying silent about it any longer. I'd felt my ted-talk communication skills kick in, and I'd expressed understanding for their side, too. It would be hard to accept your son is a shit father.

They can't deny it much anymore. He's scheduled a cruise for when his granddaughter is due.

Things haven't been easy lately. Hell, I've met so many of my darkest fears head on since the end of last year. My world has flipped inside-out, upside-down. But, I've been pushing through it okay. I'm so much stronger than I thought I was.

It breaks my heart again after meeting with my grandparents to know there was an option for a different reality. You could've been there, beside me, carrying our own loads but lifting each other all the while. We could've grown closer. We could still be friends.

I miss you a lot. I'm not afraid to say that. I can hold the contradictive love and fear in my hands. Do you still have nuance, even though she detests it?

Sometimes, I wish you were still around. I have so many stories to tell you, so many questions to ask. Sometimes I wish my therapist would tell me that I had done something wrong so I could grovel at your knees and beg for forgiveness, beg to start again.

I'll always miss you. But, you weren't healthy for me. And I know you aren't safe for my loved ones now.

I have to live with missing you. And the fears you've left behind.

At least there are fewer kidney stones.

[rainrise]

『Scorpio's Venom』 Capture your heart/Chapter 2

〖Translated by RainRise〗

Chiaki: Can't you hear me? Oi Hakaze!

Kaoru: Yes yes, I can hear you~ Don't call my name out loud.

Hi, Moricchi. Good afternoon, Anzu-chan.

Chiaki: Hi! It's a coincidence to meet you in a place like this☆

Kaoru: Ahaha, really......

Eum... What were you two talking about? It seemed to be serious for some reason...?

Chiaki: So were you trying to leave? It's me and you, you don't have to worry.

Actually, I was having a personal consultation with Anzu.

Kaoru: Personal consultation?

Chiaki: I'm planning to visit the hospital that took care of me when I was little. In order to cheer up the children, we would like to hold a creative hero show within the hospital ☆

No budget, of course. I had no choice but to use ready-made costumes, so I wanted to rely on the members of Ryuseitai.

On the day I want to, everyone has got their job.

That's why I asked Anzu if I could adjust the member's schedule...

Kaoru: Judging by Anzu-chan's condition, it doesn't seem like she'll be able to adjust.

Kaoru: f it's impossible, why not just do it on another day?

Chiaki: Hmmm. Anzu said that too. But if possible, I don't want to change the due date.

The reason I decided to visit because I got a letter from the hospitalized child.

That kid seems to like heroes. He sent me a letter, apparently knowing that I went to the same hospital.

Heroes are indomitable. Never give up no matter how hard it gets.

While there are powerful words written that will help you overcome your illness and become a real hero someday...

It seemed that he was about to undergo a major surgery, and I could feel his anxiety from every corner.

That's why I want to visit him before surgery and show him a hero who can overcome evil to give him courage. I'm rooting for you, I want to tell you to do your best

Luckily, I was able to make an appointment for the day before the surgery...

Kaoru: It was impossible for other children.

You can't do a hero show alone. Certainly, under such circumstances, is it impossible to change the date of the visit?

Anzu-chan, what's wrong? Do you have any suggestion?

Anzu: (Ask Hakaze to help Chiaki).

Chiaki: Why don't you ask Hakaze to appear in the Hero Show?

Kaoru: I've never played a hero.

Even if I'm inexperienced, I should be able to do it. He said that his performance in the youth drama was even more impressive than he had expected.

Chiaki: Hakaze huh..

Kaoru: Moricchi? Why are you staring at me?

Chiaki: Hmmm, I think Takamine's costume would fit!

I didn't know there was a way to rely on other "units". Although it was supposed to be a creative hero show, it was a blind spot

Nice idea, Anzu……☆

Kaoru: Eum.... I haven't accepted it yet...? I have to check my schedule to see if I have work.

"I'll look it up right away"? Thank you, Anzu-chan.

《Same night in the radio recording booth》

Rei: With that kind of thing, I couldn't help but make a cheap deal~♪

Kaoru: Don't make that face, please?

Rei: Didn't you make a cheap guarantee...

Kaoru: Because it doesn't mean to change the way you say it.

Rei: Hmmm, it's Kaoru-kun, the one who ordered it. What do you want me to do?

Kaoru: It would be nice if you could just shut up and listen to my confession.

Rei: That's boring. There's no point in asking me.

Anyway. Kaoru-kun is kind to accept the hero show.

Kaoru: It's not like that. In front of Anzu-chan, I just couldn't refuse. It's just irresponsible dressing.

Drama scenes can be retaken many times, but hero shows is a one-shot match, right?

I'm an inexperienced person, so I don't feel any like failing.

Rei: What are you saying. The one-shot match is the same for live performances, right?

Kaoru: I'm used to live performances... But that even not the same air.

Rei: So what about the date invitation? The live broadcast that starts in a few minutes. Isn't it a one-shot game for both of them?

Kaoru: Even if you say enjoy yourself. I don't know much about heroes.

Even the fact that heroes are different in Japan and America, I didn't know until this age.

When I played the hot-blooded man, I used Moricchi as a reference. I don't know about heroes.

Rei: Fufu. In such a case, you just to be a "Vampire Shogun" ♪

Kaoru: "Vampire Shogun" is out.

Rei: What do you mean it's out? "Vampire Shogun" is a historical drama that took the world by storm, a hero to be proud of.

What a good opportunity. While I'm presenting to Kaoru-kun, let's talk about it on the radio♪

It's about to start. Kaoru-kun, are you ready?

Kaoru: Yes. Since the radio can only deliver sound, you can convey your feelings through the tone of your voice. I'll switch my head.

Rei: That's Kaoru-kun I know.

Let's do our best at the hero show too... ☆

Kaoru: Hmm, I'm trying to forget, but doesn't that mean~?

Note: Moricchi is Chiaki nickname made by Kaoru

──⇌••⇋──

Capture your heart/Chapter 2: END

Story Details:

Story type: Scout

Story: Scorpio's Venom

Story by: ゆーます

Collaborator: -

Character in this story: Kaoru Hakaze, Chiaki Morisawa, Rei Sakuma

Reminder: I didn't create this, but I translated it. So please if you want to repost in any platform, ask me first or credits me.

I'm sorry if there's any mistakes. Happy reading all!

(Previous - All - Next) Thank you for reading!

[quietly-by-myself]

I agree with you 1000% (I personally am chronically ill and people harass me for using a disabled parking space because I’m not visibly disabled, DESPITE the fact that I have a disabled parking tag) on all accounts except for equating Yale’s “unwillingness to do sports” with “laziness.”

I haven’t read up on that so I might be missing context, but not doing sports isn’t the same as being lazy. My sister refuses to partake in any school sports because she’s pissed that more money is given to sports equipment than actual education (when I was in high school, they spent a cool $1 million on new turf for the football field for our football team that loses 90% of their games instead of getting exterior doors that could lock for safety or buying textbooks that weren’t missing their covers).

Also, some people just don’t like sports. Even before the onset of my illnesses, I never enjoyed sports. I liked walking and running and stuff like that, but I hated sports. Team sports were miserable because I’m kind of antisocial, and even non-team sports were too people-y.

Also also, people who dislike working out aren’t necessarily lazy and can still be incredibly hardworking and such, just on other things and not on working out.

Again, I haven’t read that report you talked about so I could be missing context, but most people I know who don’t do sports are disabled, antisocial, introverted, and/or hate the way sports are prioritized over everything else in the US education system, and NOT lazy.

Yeah, sorry for not bringing better context. And I'm sorry for equating the two. I was angry and tired when I wrote that rant.

It was Harvard, not Yale. The case is SSFA v Harvard 2018 (should not need to denounce SSFA but here I am). The original case was unrelated to disability, but rather affirmative action.

It wasn't just for sports, though it is explicitly mentioned in sports, this is also for all extracurriculars. I'll update the original post.

6 means your application is almost always automatically rejected, unless you are very, very strong in every single other area (1 or 2). So if you have a disability that prevented you from doing extracurriculars (such as holding a job, a sports team, being the class president, etc), you were almost automatically rejected. If you were disabled and couldn't do sports, you were almost automatically rejected. I cannot begin to list the amount of reasons someone would be unable to participate in extracurriculars due to disability.

Also

Did you notice how they hurt poor people too?

(Source: https://www.politico.com/f/?id=00000166-9690-d166-a77e-9f9c92f10001)

[knotmagickstudios]

ADHD/Autism Diagnosis as an adult, part 5

Part 4 can be found here.

Appointment number 3 with the neuropsych was super exciting for me because it was medication day!

I normally don't talk about the specifics of my meds, but in this case it's important. I'm not advocating for any specific medication, or for medication in general, but this is my experience. If you need meds to keep your brain from exploding, please take meds. They really do help, even though they can be scary to contemplate!

So, to recap: I went to my doctor for my extreme and long lasting fatigue, which has been causing things like brain fog, difficulty understanding/remembering instructions, short term memory loss, etc. Because I have both fatigue and insomnia, she suggested I get tested for ADHD.

The neuropsych diagnosed me with mild ADHD with very low dopamine, and autism. Because I was hesitant to start a new brain med with everything going on, we waited until appointment 3 of 4 do discuss medication. We did talk about options a little bit earlier on, and I explained why I was hesitant: I already take medication for anxiety/depression, so I want something that's going to play nice with those meds. Second, because of my sleep issues, I didn't want to start on a stimulant until my sleep was under control because I didn't want to mess things up further. He listened, understood, and agreed with my concerns, so we put medication on hold for the time being.

This process started on January 1. December 1, my energy levels just crashed and took my immune system with it. I had zero energy and got sick twice between Christmas and the first week of January. I put my writing and creative work on hiatus until further notice because I just had no energy and couldn't meet any kind of deadlines. All I wanted to do was sleep. I felt like trash.

Between appointments 2 and 3 I had a brainwave that made me feel like an absolute idiot: A big chunk of my sleep problems were caused by sensory issues. I made some changes to my bedding, night clothes, and general sleep set up, and it helped a lot. It's not perfect. I'm not where I want to be. But I feel a lot better and can do more than I could in December.

But back to the meds. Because I was feeling both desperate for relief and more stable than I was before, I felt ready to start a new medication. Essentially, there are 2 options for ADHD: Stimulants (like Ritalin) and "off label" meds. These off label meds are usually designed for depression, but because they increase dopamine levels they also help with ADHD, which is exacerbated by low dopamine. I'm already taking Lexapro, which increases serotonin levels. We didn't want to mess with the Lexapro since it's working, so he suggested adding Stelara, which is the med that plays nicest with Lexapro. I was still worried about things like mood swings or severe reactions that might impact my day job--I'm already having trouble with details, focus, etc, and didn't want them to get even worse.

We spent most of the 30 minute appointment going over the side effects, what to look out for, and how to manage them. Most of the side effects are things I'm either already experiencing due to my chronic illness. The main dangers to look out for were extreme jumps or drops in blood pressure. The rest of the side effects were typically temporary and are supposed to go away after a week or two. The medication itself could take a few days to a month to reach full effectiveness.

We decided the smartest course of action was to start me on a half dose (25mg) for 2 weeks, and then go up to the recommended 40mg at our next appointment.

So far I've been on this new med for about 4 days. The only side effect I've noticed is that it's even harder than usual to regulate my body temperature (I can go from freezing when I'm sitting still to being covered in sweat the instant I move), but that's the only side effect I seem to have. I can't judge my sleep too well because my cat has been an asshole for the last four nights and keeps waking me up for food at 4am, so it's hard to judge things like quality of sleep or fatigue levels.

I am open to adding a stimulant later on, but I want to get some other things evened out first since most of the people I know who have issues with ADHD meds have them with the stimulants. Also, right now meds like Ritalin are hard to get, so I really don't need the headache of withdrawal symptoms or trying to find a pharmacy with it in stock. Hopefully in a few months my sleep will be better, my fatigue will improve, and the inventory issues will clear up, and we can talk about it more then.

So that's where things are. I have 1 more regular appointment, and then we're going to schedule a follow up for some point in the future. I know I was super lucky to get a GP and a neuropsych who have been so great, and that isn't the experience of everyone in this boat. I hope that if you are considering or are trying to get a diagnosis, you get providers who have been as great as these two (trust me, I've dealt with some shit doctors in the past few months, including one who flat out refused to see me).

As always, I'm happy to answer any questions.

[magicalboynova92]

It's been awhile since I have actually posted anything personal on here...

I'm struggling real bad and I feel like I am annoying/stressing out everyone around me.

Long story short, I just got my license back...it was suspended because I got in a wreck and my insurance had unfortunately lapsed at the time. (Couldn't afford the payment.) I finally got everything settled.

My wife is a truck driver...and hates the job bc she is never home and it's taking a toll on her.

I feel helpless bc I have such a hard time holding down a job for multiple reasons. It's not from a lack of trying, mind you. I get overwhelmed and so stressed easily that I tend to shut down and become severely depressed. I have moderate to severe panic attacks...and I also have been having major stomach issues, so it's hard for me to determine when I am able to work. So I decided to try instacart...something I can be like "Okay...I feel pretty good today, I can work!"

I have only been able to complete a total of 3 batches because I panic when I'm shopping/delivering. And for some reason the app is so confusing to navigate for me.

I thought the app would be self explainitory. I signed up last month. My first batch was a disaster because I accidentally accepted a double batch. I managed to get all the items I could. Then I went to check out but my app was glitching and I couldn't figure out what the pin was. The employee ringing me up was getting irritated with me and was super impatient which...didn't help me at all. I tried to contact support but the app kept sending me in circles...it was messing up bad. I started to panic because I had cold/frozen stuff and the delivery was due real soon...and I was stuck at check out. It was insane. Then when I finally got in touch with support, I checked out....it was pouring rain....got all the groceries in my car. The app was still messing up. I couldn't figure out how to get to person A or B's house. I'm shaking and hyperventilating. I finally find the navigation and drive to each house

But I couldn't figure out how to complete the orders bc my app didn't give me an option anywhere. So I just dropped the groceries off and left. I contacted support again and told them what happened....

Then the next batch I tried doing....it started with 10-15 items. No problem. That's great! Super easy. Ill be in and out. But then...the customer kept adding stuff. I was literally stuck in the chip aisle for a good 20 minutes. I'm not even joking. And every time I tried leaving the aisle something else was added and I had to turn around and go get it. I was at the store for way longer than I should have been and my phone fucking died before I could even finish the batch. I left the store midpanic attack....I sat in my car to charge my phone and turned it back on. I had to cancel that order because....oh my God I couldn't deal with that customer. They kept adding stuff. They wouldn't communicate with me...they kept sending me everywhere around the store. Completely fucked up my shopping trip...there was just no way. There seriously needs to be a cut off point. Because that totally fucked me all up. I shouldn't have been gone that long. It was ridiculous.

Anyway...I completed another batch with my wife the other day and it wasn't bad...it was a lot easier with someone with me. But like...I was still extremely stressed and anxious. I don't know if instacart is for me...and I'm very upset. I need to do something. I'm disappointed in myself bc I promised I would try hard...but no matter how hard I try, I still fail...

It should be a simple job for me. And yet...it's not. I'm so...so tired...

[a-multi-fandom-fanboy]

Heya! I was hoping if you can write some headcanons of Glamrock Freddy, Monty, Sunrise, Moondrop and Vanny with a female reader that is a detective please?

Of course!)

Glamrock Freddy

Okay so he has a love-hate relationship with the fact that you're a detective.

This is mainly due to the fact that you could help with the disappearances and maybe this could all finally end, but being a detective is an incredibly dangerous job and he's deathly afraid that one day you'll leave and you won't ever come back.

He's very hesitant about telling you what he knows about the disappearances, but that's because he doesn't want Vanny or someone else to attack you if you get too close to the truth.

This usually leads to him being quite clingy when you're working on particularly risky cases. He just doesn't know what he'd do if you ever got hurt...

He insists that you vent to him after long and complicated days of work. He may not be all to thrilled to listen to you talk about kidnappings and murders, but he wants to make sure that you're alright mentally and you know that you have someone to talk to.

Monty

He thinks that you being a detective is pretty badass, but he's worried that you will find out the truth behind Freddy's so he comes off as distant at times when he can tell you're being a bit too nosy.

If you do eventually find out what's going on he's quite torn. On one hand he knows that he's supposed to be helping Vanny and that you're a risk to their cause, but on the other he really does love you and he hates the thought of hurting you.

He's going to want to know about everyone of your case's. He will often brag about all of your accomplishments to the others. It's his way of showing off his awesome partner!

If you ever get hurt this man will hunt whoever laid their filthy hands on you and destroy them. Don't even get me started on what would happen if you had actually been killed by someone. We should all know by now that Monty has a bit of a temper.

Sun

I'm sorry, but Sun absolutely hates that you're a detective. He doesn't say anything about it though because he knows it's your passion and he doesn't want to take that away from you.

The reasons he hates you working in the field that you do is A) it's WAY too dangerous for his liking. You couldn't have settled for something at least a little less risky (Y/N)? Just a little?

B) You're constantly surrounded by death, pain, and fear. The moment you explain to him what you do for a living he's losing his damn mind. ARE YOU OKAY (Y/N)?? NOT PHYSICALLY I MEAN MENTALLY-

Sun is definitely going to need a bit of reassurance. He just really loves you and the thought of you getting hurt makes him want to cry.

He can and will use every excuse in the book to try and get you to stay with him. Did you just sniffle? YOU NEED YO CALL OFF OF WORK! YOU COULD BE DEATHLY ILL!

Moon

You're a detective? Okay. I don't mind as long as you stay safe.

Moon is probably the most laid back about you working as a detective, but he still has a few concerns and will try his best to keep you in the daycare when you come by.

He knows what goes on here and wants you to stay out of it. In his eyes some mysteries are better left mysteries. Especially this one.

If you ever actually managed to get yourself involved he would immediately betray Vanny. He never really cared in all honesty. He just enjoyed being allowed out of the daycare ever night as well as the chase, but we don't talk about that-

If you were ever killed or injured by someone he would track them down and they would never be heard from again. Moon holds grudge's and would avenge you no matter what or how long it took.

He's quite confident in your abilities though so he doesn't worry all too much. Moon knows you are a very capable person.

Vanny

Vanny finds you being a detective quite amusing considering that she is a murderer. Though she is still rather concerned about what would happen if you found out the truth.

If you ever talk to her about looking into the disappearances or you reveal that you've already been snooping she's immediately trying to convince you to drop it and work on something else. She'll even resort to manipulation to get you to stop.

If none of that stops you Vanny will have you tell her all about what you think and then create problems or inconsistencies within your theories.

She wants to know about all of your case's and any other crime related knowledge you have. I feel like she loves true crime podcasts so this is kind of a dream come true to her. Especially since everything you talk about is recent and has happened close by.

As long as it has nothing to do with the Pizzaplex she'll try and help you with investigations. She really likes to get involved in your cases.

Hope you enjoyed!)

[welcometonightgayle]

I miss being able to go to the library. like Noah Fence but I really need to get out of this house sometimes

[yamanorakuen]

HC: Hanahaki Disease [Side characters]

Here we go again.. I hope you're all doing wonderfully!

Brothers vers.

Warnings: Angst, death, disease..

Diavolo had everything one could ask for; good looks, power, ambition, wealth, an amazing physique and to top it all off, a wonderful personality, being both fun and responsible.

Every time you visited the Demon Lord's Castle, you felt giddy and elated, and you cherished every small moment you could share with Diavolo.

But as one would expect, there was no way he, the future king of Devildom, would see you that way. To him, you were his cherished exchange student, just an ordinary human, a friend at best.

So while you weren't expecting to find yourself coughing up magnolia petals, you weren't surprised to find out the meaning behind those petals.

Of course he wouldn't love you back. He was a prince for crying out loud! He would love someone more equal to him. Not just a mortal human peasant who was merely visiting his kingdom.

So you kept quiet, never once voicing your feelings around Diavolo. But the more you kept your words in, the more you felt like suffocating. There were many occasions where you found yourself sitting on your bed, silently crying as you kept coughing and puking many beautiful petals. Even so, no one noticed your predicament, way too busy with exams and life.

One evening you had been invited to the Demon Lord's Castle with the brothers for dinner. Beel was absolutely elated, inhaling most of the food. Luckily Barbatos had been prepared for such an occurrence and kept bringing in more food as it disappeared from the table.

No one really knew why you had been invited to the castle, and finally Lucifer inquired about the reason from Diavolo himself.

With a broad smile, Diavolo revealed that there was some exciting news he wanted to share with his favorite demons and human.

Being called his favorite human made your heart beat faster.. Until he announced the news he had.

He was getting married. To some demon nobility. He had figured it was the perfect time to settle down and start a family as his inevitable reign as the king was nearing.

The news broke your heart, but you swallowed your tears, forced a smile on your face and congratulated him. You thought you did a good job at hiding your emotions until your eyes met Barbatos' knowing, sorrowful smile.

Only when you got home, you allowed yourself to cry and scream into your pillow, your screams quickly turning into streams of flower petals.

You know the line they say in human weddings? Speak now or forever hold your peace? You chose the latter. The Royal Wedding was a huge deal and you barely ever saw Diavolo during the planning period. But not even that made your feelings for him any weaker.

So you suffered in silence, even got to watch from the front row when he tied the knot. By now, you had become an expert in hiding your illness.

So when the brothers found you lying dead in your bed the very next morning, surrounded by a sea of flower petals, they didn't even understand what had happened and kept blaming themselves for not noticing something was wrong before it was too late.

And while Diavolo was grieving after your passing, he knew human lives were only temporary but that his kingdom was forever and that he had to move on. Fear not, he'll name his first-born after you, in loving memory of his dearest human friend.

Barbatos had this dazzlingly mysterious and intriguing quality to him, something so hard to explain but yet someting that drew you in like a moth to flame.

His patience, his selflessness, his competence.. All those things were reasons you found yourself desperately falling for the butler.

But in your heart you knew it was all doomed from the start; you barely had time to see each other due to Barbatos' butlerly duties, he always kept a really professional front with you, never indicating any interest beyond gracious politeness. But even though you knew better, you couldn't help yourself, couldn't stop yourself from falling more and more every time you saw him.

You thought you'd be fine, that your feelings would just disappear eventually, until you started to cough up petals of violets.

That itself was a terrible experience. The creeping feeling of suffocation, your lungs filling up with something foreign, dainty petals tickling the inside of your throat..

But you kept quiet. You didn't want to worry anyone, especially Barbatos, he already had enough on his plate. You didn't want to bother him or make him feel bad for you.

As weeks and months went on, you found yourself growing weaker and weaker. You still weren't sure what the petals meant, but were beginning to realize they didn't indicate any normal illness.

One day you found yourself too weak to get up from your bed, your lungs heavy with petals, larger than ever before.

The seven demon brothers were all fussing over you, having finally caught on to your condition. Lucifer had sent a text to Diavolo and Babratos, who were on their way to the House of Lamentation.

When Barbatos saw you lying on your bed, covered in petals, he instinctively knew. He was old enough to know what your condition was and wise enough to know his options.

With a hushed voice, he explained what he knew to Diavolo and begged him to let him mess with timelines, just this once. He knew you were running out of time; no doctor could make it to save you at this state.

With slight hesitation, Diavolo relented. Barbatos began to look for a suitable timeline right away. One where you weren't in love with him. Honestly, he would have loved nothing more than to return your affections, but he understood that he was far too busy, couldn't make you happy and that love simply can't be forced.

It was harder than he thought to find a timeline where you didn't fall for him. It was both flattering and scary. All the major timelines had the same ending, and he had to watch you wither away time and time again, but Barbatos refused to accept that truth.

Eventually, he found a small, minor branch, one where you didn't harbor any romantic feelings for him. Without checking it further, he made his decision.

And lo and behold, you were completely healthy again after swapping the timelines. The sight of you, smiling with a healthy glow to your skin, made Barbatos' heart soar.

That was until an unfamiliar feeling of suffocation filled his throat.. Horrified, he realized what had happened; now you weren't in love with him anymore, but he was in love with you instead..

Simeon was an angel. Not only figuratively, no, he was LITERALLY an angel. He was so full of love, light and kindness, his entire smile could light up a room.

Even after knowing what had happened to Lilith after she had fallen for a human as an angel, you still stayed hopeful that maybe, just maybe Simeon would like you back and that Celestial Realm would've modernized after that incident..

But you hope was all in vain. One day you heard Simeon talking about it himself, how it was still considered the most horrendous crime in Celestial Realm.

But you kept to your delusions; maybe Simeon would still be willing to risk it all just for you?

But that was all a daydream you would soon wake up from. And what woke you up? You literally woke up once in the middle of the night to cough up white lily petals. Those were your wakeup calls.

It was painful to realize that everything Simeon had said and done to you during your friendship was all platonic. All the gentle smiles, all the feather-light touches, all the kind words.. They were for everyone, not specifically reserved just for you.

But you understood him. Romantic love must have been a foreign concept to an angel. Or at least romantic love towards a human being must have been nearly unheard of.

You tried to forget about your feelings but it was easier said than done. Simeon was ever so courteous to you whenever you ran into each other and you kept having sweet dreams about him. So your symptoms kept worsening.

You thought you were hiding your pain well enough, but maybe you should have known better. It's extremely hard to hide pain and negative emotions from an angel. Angels are literally designed to recognize them and help others to get rid of them.

This time it was Luke who realized something was wrong first.

You had been visiting Purgatory Hall and had been baking with Luke when the suffocating feeling had crept in. But before you could even run away or begin coughing, Luke rested his little hand on your back and looked up at you with serious eyes.

"MC.. Why didn't you tell me you were sick?" Luke questioned with his sky big blue eyes wide open.

"S-Sick? What are you talking about? I'm not sick, I'm completely-" You tried to assure the small angel before beginning to cough violently. Luke quickly grabbed your hand and led you to a sofa, sitting you down as he kept supporting your coughing form.

"MC.. I'm worried for you.." Luke admitted in a whisper, rubbing your back soothingly. You could feel him tremble next to you. You felt guilty for alarming Luke like that, but you couldn't stop coughing.

You hadn't even heard Simeon come in before you felt someone else sitting down next to you.

You looked up and saw Simeon next to you with a worried look etched upon his face, his eyebrows knitted together. Even then he looked so beautiful..

"Luke, your cake is burning.." Simeon muttered to Luke who got the message and jumped up from the sofa, beginning to walk away.

"You better take good care of MC, okay! I'm counting on you!" Luke declared to Simeon before disappearing to the kitchen.

"What's wrong, my lamb?" Simeon questioned softly, running a soothing hand down your back. Finally you felt your coughing fit subsiding.

"D-Don't..." You muttered, your voice trembling ever so slightly.

"Huh?" Simeon asked, taken aback.

"Don't call me your lamb... It'll give me false hope..." You said breathlessly, shuffling further away from Simeon. You desperately wanted to lean in to his inviting and warm touch, but knew that that would make things worse for you.

"False hope..?" Simeon repeated after you before realization hit him like a ton of bricks, "MC.. Are you sick.. because of me?" He asked quietly, hanging his head low.

You just nodded silently, not daring to look at Simeon.

"I'm so sorry, MC.." he apologized, shaking his head, his hair falling into his face, "I didn't know.. Heh.." He laughed dryly.

"I'm sorry too.. I knew.. It was wrong.. But I just couldn't help myself.." You laughed too, a teardrop rolling down your cheek.

"Don't apologize.. Love is a beautiful thing," Simeon assured you before wiping your tears away, "I'm sorry I can't return your affections. You really are a lovely person, MC. I'm sure you'll find someone who is able to love you the way you deserve to be loved."

After that comment, you both fell silent. In a way, you felt better than before. There was no more secrecy or hiding. But in a way, you felt worse. Your fears had been confirmed.

"MC.. Would you consider.. Undergoing surgery? I really don't want to see you dying just quite yet.. And I'm sure everyone else feels the same way.." Simeon requested after a while.

"... Yes." You relented, knowing that it would be for the best, even if the thought of the surgery frightened you.

After the surgery, you felt much better. Things went back to normal, as much as they could, and there were no hard feelings from either side. Luke was also elated to see you were healthy again!

Solomon had never expected to meet someone he would grow to love in a place such as Devildom. Esecially another human for that matter. Wait, scratch that. Solomon had never thought he would fall in love ever again at all. But there he was, staring at you across the classroom like a lovesick puppy. It disgusted him, but he couldn't stop himself.

But alas, he knew his chances were low. Albeit being powerful for a human, a potent sorcerer and immortal, he knew it was hard to compete with nine of the most powerful demons in Devildom AND a high-ranking angel. Of course you'd choose any of them over him. They could offer you so much more.

In the best case scenario you would be attracted to him precisely because he was a kin to you; that you'd trust and relate to him because you were both human. But relating to someone doesn't mean they'll love you.

His humanity could be both his ally and his downfall; but by the way the seven demon brothers liked to keep you to themselves, he felt like his time to impress you was running short.

Then, one evening while doing his homework, Solomon began to cough up larkspur petals.

At first he thought one of his spells had backfired or that someone was either pranking him or had hexed him; but when he tried to get rid of the petals with magic, they stubbornly stayed, mocking him.

Solomon let out a frustrated sigh every time his spell turned out to be useless against his condition, before finally having to give up.

When the symptoms didn't go away in a few weeks, Solomon decided to pay Satan a visit, seeing if he had any books about what was going on.

He rummaged through Satan's book collection before finally stumbling upon a promising book.

Now he knew the name and prognosis of his disease; wondering what the best way to go about it was. Clearly the book stated that you did not like him back, but then.. Who did you like?

As he was taking his leave, he ran into you, cuddling on the sofa with Asmodeus, all lovey dovey. Solomon felt his heart ache and his throat fill up once again. Not risking another look at you two, he quickly made his way out of the house.

For a moment he thought he could just use his pact and force Asmodeus to leave you alone, but deep in his heart he knew it was morally wrong. He knew it would break your heart if Asmodeus suddenly stopped being affectionate with you.

For a while he contemplated wheter he should shoot his shot and confess to you; but he was pretty sure it wouldn't change a thing, so he abandoned that plan pretty quickly.

In the end he decided that a surgery would be the best option. There is no harm doing something like that when you didn't even know about his pining for you. You would never know and you would continue to be happy while Solomon could finally move on himself.

After the surgery, Solomon felt immensly bitter, although it all tasted slightly bittersweet; he was fairly certain he had lost his only chance to feel love quite like this towards anyone.

A/N: If you read this far, thank you! I hope you enjoyed the headcanons. Please let me know your favorite one. :) I love the side characters but I don't know that much about them so sorry if these are very ooc. I'm not 100% clear to what extent Barb's powers work and how they do, so bear with me haha! Also if you have any requests, feel free to request, but I can't promise anything because my schedule is nearly full for the next month and a half :( But I love writing so-