#even if all mhok is saying is that he still has a friend

[grapejuicegay]

Saw this and felt unhinged. remembered you and thought why not share and add to the unhinge-ness BYE

I'm also just going to put the blurb Mhok (twt can pry this spelling from my cold dead hands) read out here because I'm having a Time:

"Hello. My name in Mee. I'm about to fade away. According to the myth, only sunshine can break the curse. Or perhaps I'm just having a nightmare. Who knows? Tonight, when I close my eyes all of this will just vanish." Sweet dreams

I keep thinking about @casualavocados's post about how much importance is given to tiny details and even here there is so much attention on Mhok flipping open the book. You can see the moment he decides he's going to say sweet dreams. And he brushes it off as just being written in the book but he's spent the whole episode brushing things off while giving off the heartiest of eyes (styling day's hair, the changing room, the metro, everywhere) (and seriously, there's a very specific brand of P'Aof heart eyes that he gets out of people and I didn't even think Jimmy was capable of heart eyes of this calibre and YET HERE WE ARE)

I mentioned intentionality with that moment by the door but the intentionality of that scene began here. When he decided that he is going to risk it, he is going to wish Day sweet dreams. Because he wants Day, who is reading this book because Aon said it might suit him, to not relate to this. To not have nightmares or just fade away when he goes to sleep. He wants Day to have sweet dreams. Before dropping the pretense of the book for pure sincerity because he really does want that.

SO YEAH. I'M FEELING INCREDIBLY UNHINGED. THANKS

[hongtiddiez]

last twilight episode 6 thoughts, feelings, etc.

it's that time again and i've decided to be very extra for this episode because, well, it deserves it. what a ride that was. fair warning i was feeling fucking romantic and wistful for this.

we have August showing up, trying to integrate himself into their daily routine, and then disrupting that routine entirely. and when he suggests running with Day Mhok seems defensive, jealous and probably concerned that August has seemed unreliable before - and currently is operating with more information than Day, leaving them on unequal footing. August knows about Day's feelings for him, but Day has no idea August knows, and that's not really fair. but Mhok doesn't want to say anything because maybe, just maybe, August could make Day happy. maybe Day could finally get what he wants for the first time in a long while.

so Mhok watches. because Mhok will never put himself first, it's not who he is.

Day clings to these broken and battered shoes, a connection to a past life he thought he had to leave behind. he clings to familiarity and comfort. all things Mhok has become to him.

and so maybe Mhok sees himself in these battered, rough around the edges shoes. maybe Mhok believes he can be fixed, just like the splitting sole. maybe Day is fixing him every day, not in a stupid fucking 'he saved me' bullshit like the crying guy at the interview, but in a genuine, he's changed my outlook on life, my perspective, my everything, and made me a better person. maybe these scuffed shoes can be better if someone helps them.

and so he fixes the shoes, just as he's been fixing himself ever since he walked through Day's front door, and he gives Day the sunflower he couldn't give him before. Day asks him what it is but again Mhok doesn't have the heart to say. he doesn't elaborate, doesn't explain, only moves past the moment because this isn't for him, isn't about him, this is about Day reclaiming something he thought he lost.

How can I throw them away? I love them so much.

Maybe if he loves these broken and scuffed shoes he could love me too.

and here's where we have a story narrating for us again, my absolute favorite thing about this entire series. i love the narration from the books they read - and i love that the boys are both simultaneously the character represented. the words always have a way of applying to both of them and it's fucking gorgeous.

and with this narration we've been so seamlessly slotted into Mhok's POV. everything up until now has focused pretty strongly on Day's struggles and adjustments, we've seen everything from the lens of Day and what he's facing, but suddenly we're so perfectly slotted into Mhok's body, something we haven't focused too hard on yet. sure, we've seen his pain and his grief, but we're seeing so much more now, so many little intricacies and inner thoughts. i absolutely love how this was done.

Do you think I fell in love with him without realizing it?

and as he has this love blooming in his chest, this realization of the magnitude of his feelings - that he doesn't just want Day to be happy but wants to be the source of that happiness - Mhok begins to become invisible again. it's a place he's familiar with and it doesn't come as a surprise. just with a mournful resignation. this is how it always is, and how it was always going to be.

and just like with Porjai he decides to step back. it's worth it as long as the people he loves are happy; even if that means he's not by their side.

like the scuffed shoes, Mhok is replaced with something better. Day put in his eye drops and no longer looks to Mhok but to August instead.

and as Mee and Day's fear grows smaller Mhok's grows larger. the fear of being left behind and the fear of being forgotten. the fear that Day no longer needs him, will no longer look to him for help or seek him out. the fear that he's lost his place as Day's friend, slid back into the role of only a caretaker, and perhaps even further back still into a stranger.

Mhok's shirt reads: IF LOST, DROP IN ANY MAILBOX. Return Postage Guaranteed.

because Mhok is lost. he doesn't know where he stands anymore, where he fits into Day's life. but he knows he'll always return to Day's side for as long as he needs him.

the scuffed shoes are left on the shelf, just as Mhok has tucked away his feelings for Day. they'll always be there, familiar and reliable, and maybe someday Day will need them again. maybe someday.

and then we learn that Night smokes, and maybe Day never hated the smell of cigarettes.

I think his voice is like the scent of cigarettes.

maybe Day just hated the way the smell reminded him of Night.

and we learn Day had fully resigned himself to spending his birthday alone.

his mother would be out of town, spending it with Night is out of the question, August has practice, and it's Mhok's day off. as if Mhok would rather be anywhere else. Day is used to not being a priority.

as Day peers at Mhok's chest maybe it feels like he can see into him. Mhok has always felt invisible, but somehow Day saw him in spite of all of that. maybe he wonders if Day can see into his chest, see that his heart is made of sunflowers, tucked away and kept in secret as to not inconvenience Day. and maybe Mhok wonders: can you see them? can you see the way they bloom and turn towards your light?

and for a moment Mhok is weak. he takes Day's hand and places it back on his chest as if to say: my heart is here and it belongs to you, can't you feel it?

and here is where i will begin to cry and not stop crying until the end of the episode - so if you're crying don't worry, i'm here with you.

because Day sprays Mhok with Tiwa cologne. fucking Tiwa cologne.

Tiwa means day time. the cologne was created to mimic the atmosphere of the Thai countryside during the day.

suddenly, Mhok is bathed in the scent of Day. both the concept and the man.

it's Day's favorite scent.

It smells both like toughness and aggression.

At first, you want to flee from it.

But after you scent it for a while, it makes you feel warm.

and Mhok's face falls at first because is that how Day sees him? he thought Day saw him, he thought Day understood that he's not all the things people say he is and - oh.

oh.

you can see the palpable relief across Mhok's face because Day does see him, does understand him.

(the cologne also shows us once again Day's privilege. Tiwa costs $140 a bottle, or ฿‎4884)

again Day asks what Mhok is going to this dinner as, and then asks why Mhok is so secretive.

and maybe for a moment, for just those fleeting few minutes they spent getting ready together, Mhok was able to pretend this was real. he was able to pretend Day was going to dinner with him, would stay by his side and enjoy his birthday with him, create new memories with him.

but that's not for him. it's just another sunflower he tucks away in his chest.

they arrive at the party and there's no place for Mhok; not at Day's side, not at the table, not anywhere. he's never acknowledged again by anyone there, no one offers him a spot because he's an outsider, this place isn't for him. when the sun no longer shines on Mhok he is invisible once again.

suddenly, Mhok is back in his own fish tank - because it's not only Little Day that freed himself of the cloying miasma of his environment but Big Mhok had as well. his tank was clean, he could breathe and see clearly again.

but now he's back there, as smoke fills his lungs and regret tastes like ash on his tongue. he can't smell the jasmine blooms anymore.

Day still looks for him, still seeks him out because Mhok has always stayed, has always been around even when Day didn't know he needed him. Mhok's been there at every step of this journey and now suddenly Day is adrift on his own. what do you do when the person that has always been there is suddenly gone?

it probably feels as if Day has been robbed of yet another one of his senses.

and we see Day get overwhelmed again, the narrative has shifted away from Mhok now and we're nestled back in Day's body where things are so loud and so much, too much, and he doesn't have the one person he can find comfort in there. everyone is trying too hard, treating him like glass, and he's still a fucking human being, he's still an adult man, he's not a fucking child -

and so he escapes. he finds a moment of peace and collects himself. he hears someone approach and who else could it be but Mhok? it's always Mhok, it's always been Mhok.

but Mhok's not here.

August is.

and suddenly August is kissing him but it's not right, it doesn't feel like he thought it would, and maybe he realizes he liked the idea of August more than August himself. maybe he clung to memories made fond and soft with time.

because this? this is not the kiss of a man full of hope and love. if Bad Buddy taught me anything, this is a kiss goodbye.

the hero is coming and it's time for the villain to go.

Mhok knows better than anyone that the one thing Day doesn't want from anyone, the one thing he fears the most in all of this, is receiving pity. he's never wanted to be pitied for any of this, but August has just pitied him in the worst possible way. and of course Mhok is here to see it.

of course Mhok would come back, now of all times.

and we see Mhok speak in a way we haven't before. his rage becomes incandescent, beyond the limits of just shouting, and it's the quiet of his rage that becomes far more terrifying. it's the quiet calm before the storm. Day has never seen Mhok enraged, not really, he's never been there when Mhok has hit someone, but he must hear the control slipping from Mhok's voice.

because August held everything Mhok had ever wanted in his hands and played with it, pitied it, and tossed it away. how can he be anything but full of bitter fury?

but as Day holds Mhok's hand he stops. he reluctantly releases his hold and curls his fingers around Day's hand. he'd do anything for Day, now more than ever.

Mhok speaks softly to Day and holds him close, the hug as much for Day as it is for him. they're both broken, both trying to hold on to the withered petals of their hearts. if they hold on tight enough maybe they can hold each other together.

and now we're to my absolute favorite recurring thing Mhok does.

Mhok takes Day away, he doesn't let him retreat into that tiny fish tank. Mhok brings Day out into the world, to breathe the fresh air.

and each time he's brought Day somewhere he can enjoy without his sight - yes, even this rooftop.

on the porch, Day could smell the jasmine blossoms.

Day could smell the flowers at the market, was surrounded by their scent.

now he's bathed in the light of the rising sun, in the warmth it has to offer.

the world feels different in the early hours of the morning. the air is a little colder, a little thinner, everything is more quiet and subdued. you can feel the sun start to thaw out the Earth, can feel as it glides over your face and warms your cheeks.

this place is special to Mhok, a small sanctuary he's tucked away for himself, and now he's sharing it - and a shard of his past - with Day. in exchange, Day opens up. he explains that no one really liked him before, that each person (Gee not withstanding) at that party pitied him and were only there as some sort of act of charity.

I'm just so damn lucky to be blind.

because people are looking at him now, right? he has everyone's attention now. he got to kiss his crush. people would fall at his feet to help him.

but it's all wrong, tainted with pity and charity. he has their pity but not their affection.

Is there anyone else in this world who doesn't feel pity for me?

Do you still think I feel pity for you? Mhok asks after kissing Day in the light of the rising sun, because Mhok has never pitied Day, not for a single moment in time. it's not pity that he feels housed in his chest but love, overwhelming and all consuming.

just as the moon represented the hearts of Moonlight Chicken so does the sun represent the hearts of Last Twilight. this is the dawn of something new for both of them, fragile but hopeful.

I'M JUST FEELING SO FUCKING MUCH. do you think p'aof will be my best friend? if you've read this far i'm smooching you and also here's a dumb little surprise.

tag loves: @benkaaoi @callipigio @lookwhatihave

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Alan & Jeff Forever!

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Jan 2024 Wk 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 10 of 12 - I am a little concerned that this is getting too big for its britches, rather like Phaya’s recently recovered snake… shall we say? Adding in yet another character at this juncture isn’t the best idea. Still, I love how this show makes me cackle laugh with grandmas + Yai and then TENSION.

It’s a wobbly kind of balance but a balancing act is happening nonetheless. It makes the pacing of this show good. It may be all over the place but I'm never bored.

Pit Babe (Fri iQIYI) ep 11 of 14 - No trash talk this week, I was charmed & delighted. Who knew I would actually enjoy this show? Certainly not me. (not much of a...) Trash watch happening here.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 8 of 12 - I am pretty much skipping most of the 3 chef friends, and all of the side dish action (sorry Neo). And with OffGun apart for most of this ep, it didn’t hold together since they are the glue. Sigh.

Last Twilight (Fri YT) ep 12fin - Okay let’s talk about it.

Mhok should have gone off with someone else. Day treated him like shit and never once apologized. To assume an apology isn’t necessary is to pity Day in the exact way he didn’t want. (On a complete aside, one of my favorite Thai restaurants back in my mispent youth was in Hilo, HI… ah memories) meanwhile the "passing escalators trope" activated in the land of malls (it’s been a while my old friend).

Anygay, I hold that Mohk was not a fault and Day was the one who needed to apologize.

Although they did have one of BL's BEST ever face touch moments. 

In conclusion: 

The story of a blind man and his caregiver falling in love. Mark is great. JimmySea are spectacular. The support cast is GMMTV-good. And for the first 3/4 this BL was something rather special. But it was let down by its ending (for which I entirely blame the author). In order to like this show you must buy into the premise that Mhok was in the wrong and caused their breakup. If you don’t believe that, you won’t like this BL. Also "fixing a disability = true happiness" is gross messaging. For me, endings counts for a lot and this one was ultimately “happy” but felt like a failure. 7/10 and I was sorely tempted to go as low as a 6/10, so it should count itself lucky 

I dithered my darling BLabies... I dithered A LOT over this one. But JimmySea alone held this one up.

GMMTV we gotta talk. You're fielding some of the world's best pairs right now. It's time to get them equally good scripts.

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 9 of 12 - This installment had too much of the side couple in it. Although it was nice to see First/Dream (Twins) again. He's still a cutie, even playing a straight. 

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) ep 23 of 24 - I have to say I’m very glad we are on the last installment of the series. Narcissistic hairdresser starts seeing a spirit in a mirror. Turns out to be a friend from his youth who he thought was dead. This one is kinda sweet, and I find the premise interesting. Is the kid actually dead and a spirit? Or is there something else going on? I am intrigued. And I like the actor playing the kid in the mirror. I suspect this will be sad tho.

Time the series (Thai Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - I don’t exactly know what is going on. And frankly I don’t particularly care, either. So far nothing seems to be happening, and I really intensely dislike one half of the main couple. DNF welcome 2024 here we go 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Love For Love's Sake (Korea Weds iQIYI) 1-2 of 8 - based on the Manhwa Love Supremacy Zone by Hwacha (they should have kept the original title). I adore the premise. IRL person has been sent into fictional universe to save a side character from doom. Fantastic. Every fanfic author's dream. Also, I love that our POV was the bad boy in high school so there’s also a redemption arc going on. I adore this kind of isekai (if you wanna call it that). Puppy/cat pairing too! 

Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - Oh my goodness they too cute. Basically dating. Although only one of them realizes it, and he is such a drama queen. It’s GREAT. Also they are both so damn gay. I love the supportive bestie trying to cope with the girl who has a crush on his gay bff. 

Happy Ending (Korea Tues YT) 1 of 3 - Strongberry is back and it’s very them and very atmospheric and cute. I’m enjoying it. 

Sahara-sensei to Toki-kun (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 7 of 8 - Japan giveth and Japan taketh away again. Look, I just like the lost love teacher/teacher couple better. I'm assuming they'll have to do a time jump in the final episode to make this one work at all. 

I am SO GLAD we have KBLs back on our screens.

It's done

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.

The Servant and the Young Master - from Vietnam so I assume it's on YouTube. I never even noticed. Anyone?

Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - Is TRUST Entertainment bringing us the first ever Burmese BL? I don't know if it's really the first, but @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will give it a watch through.

Beside You (Thai ????) - a 3 ep short that's supposed to have aired but I can't find it.

It's Airing But...

[NO INTERNATIONAL] Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - yeah Japan put the smack down on our boys. Sadness. You can use a VPN if you like. Read all about it here.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… probubly not. I won't be watching this. I disliked Season one and actively hated the follow ups. No thank you.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.

The Whisperer (Sun ????) 10 eps - Ends next week. Thai horror BL that ALSO involves cheating (what joy is mine). I don't think even the perfect single dimple can motivate me to watch. Word is... it's terrible.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) 10 eps - Giving me Luminous Solution vibes. I'm waiting to binge if safe.

Dead Friend Forever (Thai Sat iQIYI) - horror, meh, tell me if it's worth my time?

In Case You Missed it

All my year-end round ups:

TOP 10 BL Trends of 2023

Top 10 BL Secondary Pairs of 2023

2023 BLs Best Trope Execution Awards! TOP 10

All the BLs Announced for 2023 that didn't happen

BL 2023's Best:

Back Hugs Thailand & Elsewhere

Cute Bits of Domesticity

Boys Feeding Boys

BOOP!

Best Cuddles

Heads in Laps

Touching Head Touches

Thailand Put His Head on Your Shoulder

Put Your Head on My Shoulder (not Thailand)

BEST KISSES (not Thailand)

BEST KISSES FROM THAILAND

Next Week Looks Like This:

2/2 City of Stars AKA Fueangnakorn (Fri YouTube?) 10 eps - An actor falls in love with a programmer and the narrative intends to “explore the ramifications of being public figure in the social network era who must endure critics, bullying, and defamation.” Looks like another Lovely Writer/Call It What You Want sort of thing. But helmed by Star Hunter? Chaos will ensue.

2/2 Anti Reset AKA Anti-Reset (Taiwan Fri Gaga?) 10 eps - from Vidol (who aren't doing us very proud right now) - Human and robot find love.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Say what you like about this show (and I have) they do some very gay cuddling. (Him the series)

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

This show, damnit, so close to being genius. (Last Twilight)

I don't that's a hardshi,p grandma ... although it may be a hard ship... get it.

I'll stop now.

(The Sign)

(Last week)

[anpanman95]

God DO I have things to say about this one here…

CONTROVERSIAL REVIEW AHEAD

Last Twilight: why Day’s character is a major RED FLAG 🚩🚩🚩

DISCLAIMER: I do not have anything against him as an actor. He’s a beautiful sweet talented cutie pie that is doing such an amazing job it causes me to hate the motherfluffing guts of this character.

To make this easier I’ve broken down this to five points.

Day’s personality sucks: first of all, he is a rich, spoiled child (I hope all of us agree on this one) who’s clearly full of himself, and only cares about himself. This is demonstrated in several ways, but the most blatant one is in how he believes that his tragedy is the worst possible scenario anyone could be in, and fails to have a single ounce of empathy for anyone around him unless, of course, it has to do something with him. Yes. What happened to him was horrific, and traumatizing, but he is not the only human being in the world who has problems. Which brings me to my next point.

Having a disability does not give you the right to be an asshole. “Oh but every person deals with their own stuff differently” Honey, no. The whole point is that having a disability does not make you any less than any other human being. Question: Doesn’t Day want for people to stop feeling pity for him? to not treat him differently?. Well guess what darling: that implies you also still have to be and function like a decent person. Yes, again, I’m very sorry about what he has to go through, which is a horrible and unexpected experience, and I could never imagine what that’s like, but literally no one in his life wished this upon him. He acts as if everyone around him is to be blamed for what happened.

Spoiled part 2: He has a roof over his head. A fancy one might I add. He lives comfortably. He has healthy, unlimited food, done by a professional chef, might I add AGAIN, and he does not appreciate his family and what they do for him, not even once. Does he not understand that his life could be much, much worse? I’m not saying he can’t be angry or depressed or deal with his trauma however he needs to be able to heal, but there’s a difference that he doesn’t seem to understand: being angry at a situation that is out of anyone’s control, and being angry or directing that anger to people who just want to help. Which brings me to my last two points:

Day’s crappy behavior towards his family: Lets start with the mother. She is, of course somewhat at fault for what Day has to go through. But only because she is being unreasonably overprotective, something that could have been solved anyway without Day being an absolute prick about it. (Also pick one of your children to give all your love and attention to and abandon the other? what is wrong with you). Now to his brother Night. Oh God. I don’t think you understand how angry I was when Day said “I forgive you for everything”. Bitch what the f? Forgive Night? for treating him like absolute garbage, as if he had never been your own brother? Like he planned the whole fiasco? He gets mad after the accident because his brother TRIES TO CHANGE for the BETTER. And accuses him from TRYING TO STEAL THE GOOD SON TITLE FROM HIM??! Be for real bitch. This circles back to point one: He only cares about himself. Night has been traumatized almost as much as Day because of the accident. It is obvious he blames himself and probably will never forgive himself fully for what happened. On top of that he gets an awful mother and brother? Nah. Count me out. I would have resigned from that family and go live with beautiful sweet Porjai to a small village and never be contacted by those people again.

Mhok: Oh dear. Oh dear. He is literally the greenest of green flags out there. Sure. He’s a little volatile. Sure, he has done violent things. But he would have NEVER hurt Day or any of their friends/family. My boy was just trying to do his job, cause, mind you, HE HAS NO MONEY OR FAMILY TO SUPPORT HIM LIKE YOU DO, DAY. The money and family you disrespect every single day. And what the f with telling him what to do with his life? Who the f do you think you are? Mr. Righteous? Mr. Perfect? More like Mr. Red Flag 101. Day basically broke Mhok’s heart because Mhok didn’t want to be away from him. So, first of all, I don’t believe for a second Mhok’s intentions were out of pity. Maybe they came from a place of WORRY and a little bit out of infatuation because he liked him so much and didn’t want to be away from him. But never pity. EVEN SO. IF Mhok felt “pity” for Day, the correct thing to do, as two fluffing functioning adults, is to TALK. Why did you have to go and tell him all this horrible things just so he’d leave? Why not tell him you’re proud of him, and ENCOURAGE HIM to take the job, ENSURE that it’ll work out between you? But nooooo, Mr. Red Flag had to go and break his heart cause he lacks basic decency and human empathy, only for Mhok, bless his heart, to come back after three years AND FOR SOME REASON, still manage to be in love with this awful person. And he tells him no? Break his heart all over again only for Mhok to have enough emotional intelligence for the both of them to actually come back after YOU GAVE UP ON SEARCHING FOR HIM AT THE AIRPORT LIKE A WEAK MEDIOCRE BI— ugh. If I were Mhok I’d gone and kicked his sorry ass and married a handsome Hawaiian.

Okay.

Also Day only coming to his senses after his mother tells him THE MOST OBVIOUS THING THERE IS.

“Oh Mother what was that? Loving means taking risks? It’s all about trust? and communication? Oh my, that would have never crossed my mind because I am such an idiot. Thank you mom I’ll go look for the love of my life now because you told me so”

like seriously what is up with these boys and their mommy issues? I swear the exact same thing happened in Hidden Agenda. Bro.

I love P’Aof, and his work. Loved Bad Buddy, loved Moonlight Chicken. I had super high expectations of this and, overall, the show is good. But I simply did not enjoy it as much as I thought I would, and it’s all because I couldn’t sympathize with one of the main characters.

In conclusion:

Fluff you Day, you do not deserve Mhok. sorry p’Aof I love you and will continue to support you until the very end.

oof. I needed to rant this out. don’t yell at me please I cry easily.

peace out!

[tbhimnoteasyonmyself]

TAN IS NEW

Hello, fellow associates, I, local deranged man, bring you (by request of @ayansbff who said I should "go make a post and patent it fr." thank you, Naga <3) once again a theory as insane as whatever has been going on in the ASOIAF fandom in the last 10 years (but no, I'm not here to tell you Tan is a horse or New is a faceless man).

For this week's episode: Tan is New (but with some spice).

Pls beware, this will require a certain level of "bear with me", ok? Ok.

Also: long ass post, guys. Be prepared.

So, 1st things 1st: New is obviously studying abroad.

This would mean that, in all the episodes we've seen of the flashback, we wouldn't have seen New. Because he's literally in a different country (cue theory: New is Mhok working as a cook in Hawaii ksksksk /j).

Nevertheless, in the latest events of the past storyline, Non has just gone M.I.A. Which is definitely something you'd tell the kid's brother about. I'd be pretty pissed if I was New and no one fucking told me about my brother vanishing.

(I think it could definitely be argued that their parents might try to hide the whole getting involved with money laundry and even the pedophilic child revenge porn sex tape on Twitter thing, especially their mother. bc, considering their treatment of Non this episode, it would definitely cross my mind that they'd think something along the lines of "New shouldn't be worried about what his fuck up of a brother is involved with, he should just focus on his study". And idk if Thailand's national news would arrive to New in the US just like that (maybe, maybe not, I won't try to speculate too much, I think it's too much of a wild card). YET, I still think, regardless, they'd have their limits even if the rest was true and they'd tell him about his brother being literally MISSING. So yeah...)

So back on track: sure, the police "think" Non has run away with Keng

Or, was convinced by Tee's uncle to accept that storyline

but Non's parents don't believe that shit

("They're TRYING to make our son LOOK LIKE" not "They think our son HAS")

And I think the same feeling could've been passed to New by his parents or just by New himself. But even if not, I think it's pretty reasonable to assume he'd come back to Thailand after that news. Like, if my brother was missing, I'd feel pretty bad, my parents would feel pretty bad and I'd want to go back home and be with them a bit, follow things up close, at the very least.

So, assuming that's true, it's not weird to presume New could be back in Thailand by the time The Hidden Character (the film Non wrote, not the BOC reality show thing) airs. Which would lead us to:

Now, I've seen people say it's Tan, I've seen people say it's White, I've seen people say it's Bible (?)... To me, that's Tan. The voice that calls "Phee" seems to me that's Mio's voice and the person we see in the door, albeit he does resemble Bible, reads to me as him as well.

Besides, we see him being introduced to the class in the ep.9 preview so, yeah, it could be to throw us off, but I genuinely think it's just bc it's Tan.

Regardless, even if not, Tan will appear next episode. So... There's that. Question is: why?

We see both Tan and Phee moving to the gang's class next episode, which the gang points out as "weird". Now, idk why it would be weird to see people change schools in 12th grade but fine, I'm not gonna argue, maybe they know something I don't. Ig you could argue it's bc it's the last year but I'd say people have issues all the time (being the last year of school doesn't change that) and people also move houses all the time. So I wouldn't question it but ok. Moving on.

We know Phee has a connection to Non (as his ex-boyfriend) but we don't know why Tan would be there too. Sure, we can argue Phee has to have friends. But, ngl, if my friend asked me to move schools bc he wants to find out what happened to his bf who mysteriously disappeared, I'd politely decline. I'd support him in his endeavours, of course, but I wouldn't change my entire life for it. I could even go as much as to help him befriend them and hang out with the fuckers but I wouldn't move schools, I think.

So Tan must have a bigger motive, right? And what bigger motive than being the brother of Non, am I right?

Furthermore, we have to consider legal matters. They're all minors. Phee's father, of course, knows about Phee being, at least, friends with Non. And, even if he told him to stay out of trouble and that he himself would not go around poking in the business for Phee's own safety, I think he'd be okay with Phee moving schools for grief reasons (a.k.a being close to Non because that was his school) or even bc he knew Phee was trying to talk to his friends (I don't think he suspects the kids too much and honestly that's a terrible lack of sight on his behalf but, I mean, they're kids, I think it's fair to assume they're innocent).

But what about Tan? Assuming Tan is not Non's brother, would his parents let him move schools to the school where all those nasty kids who keep appearing on the news study??? I don't think so. Sounds dangerous. Things change, of course, if Tan is not actually Tan but New.

Non's parents, despite their obvious lack of parenting skills, care about him. He's their son. They'd want to know what happened. And, sure, New getting involved would be terrible for them (bc he's their son and clearly the favourite child and god forbid he wastes his potential studying there bc of Non's failures AGAIN), but if New specifically requested that, would they go against it? Would they go against their talented son and his show of altruism and love for his brother?? Especially when the police are not doing anything and it's just trying to close the damn case??? I don't think so.

Thus: Tan is New.

"But what about his legal name???", I hear you say. "If they're siblings they'll have the same last name!!" And yeah. That's true. Especially in Thailand where most surnames are exclusive to a singular family. But I thin- "What about the age gap??? New is older than Non!! His mom even refers to him as Non's phi!!!" Yes. I know. That's where the spice comes in:

NEW IS ADOPTED.

There, I dropped the bomb. This would mean that, maybe, his legal name wasn't changed from what it originally was. Sure, it could've, since he's now part of a different family but they also could've kept the original surname. Which is likely if New wasn't adopted in a normal fashion.

We have to consider how poor Non's family seems to be. Whether that's a new situation or it has always been like this we don't know. But that's something. Now, I'm not Thai nor do I live in Thailand but from what I read, income does factor a lot into whether or not a family can adopt a child (at least in theory). So I'd assume a poor family would struggle with it. Nevertheless, it seems Thai law puts a lot of value into family ties with the child so, maybe New was someone else's child originally like of a brother or a sister of one of Non's parents. Or maybe something else entirely, I don't know. I don't think it matters that much.

"That still doesn't explain the age gap though. Tan is only 2 months older than Non!!"

Well, that's still older. Would that qualify him as "phi", idk? Both Pimpa (Non and New's mother) and Non refer to him that way. But maybe that's just another way for the series to tell us there's a ver clear hierarchy between these brothers and Non comes second. Idk. (if you're Thai or know Thai culture well and would like to add input here, pls do)

"WHAT ABOUT THE PICTURES, DANTE???"

Ok, yeah, I know. They make a compelling case.

(I took the liberty to brighten them bc OMG WHY IS THIS SHOW SO DARK????)

And yes, in the picture further to the left it does seem like they have a huge age gap but also, in the picture right next to it, it doesn't seem so (in fact the kid in blue seems about the same age in both pics, only the other one doesn't). So maybe the kid in pic one is not Non, it's some other kid (could be, especially considering he's wearing blue and, as the fandom's most dear colour theorist @shannankle has pointed out on a lot of posts but most especially this one: Non's colour is red). Or maybe it is one of them and they just grew up at different paces, idk. It happens, man.

TBH I'm not greatly concerned about the pics. What I am concerned about is the narrative implications of this. That his parents's (and, as previously established, especially his mother's [who is the most present parent in his life, as stated by the parents themselves in ep.8])

favourite kid is the one who isn't even theirs by blood. That their favourite son is the one that is not actually their son (I obviously do believe adopted kids are as much people's kids as biological ones, family is made not inherited, but I mean this as strictly talking about the blood relations of these people)! That no one ever loves Non enough to actually save him from doom (bc, like a fairytale princess, the thing that could prevent Non's demise was love).

If his peers had loved him enough he wouldn't have felt the need to cling to that awful gang. If Jin had loved him enough he would've helped him get away from Tee in this episode, at the very least. If his parents had loved him enough, they would've prevented him from falling prey to so many people or, at least, would've been trustworthy for him to talk to and helped him get out of the situations he was getting himself into.

This would also play well with the character's names:

Non. That which/whom isn't.

Who isn't seen, who isn't heard, who isn't loved, who isn't perfect, who isn't who people expected him to be, who isn't the gang's friend, who isn't his parent's perfect son (not blaming him but that's how they see it), who isn't the boyfriend Phee hoped he would be (not blaming him for the sexual assault he suffered, just seeing it through Phee's eyes, pls don't misinterpret).

New. That which/whom is fresh, original. That which just arrived.

Who is a prodigy, a talent, one of a kind. Who is so different from Non and his "crooked ways". Who arrived at the family later. Who just arrived in Thailand, who just arrived in Non's school. Who is a new person, who has a new identity, who has a new life goal.

So, yeah, it is a bit crazy and depends on a lot of circumstantial and potential facts that have not been hinted towards AT ALL by the show. And I recognize that. But I think this is what is fun about theories and speculation and, even if this is not true (likely), I still had fun crafting this and showing it to you guys. At the very least it's entertaining and keeps us thinking.

Pls feel free to add stuff or question stuff in this post, I'd love for us to work together as a community for our little murder gays show. Hehe.

Also, I'll leave you a question myself: if this is true, does it mean Phee and Tan are working together as the killers, only one of them is killing or neither is committing murder? 🤔

[rocketturtle4]

Last Twilight, Growth, Change, Hope and most of all, Trust 

because I adored this show, without reservation.

(I wrote this before realising quite how many people were unhappy with the ending but my thoughts stand)

My friend, @plantsarepeopletoo wrote in their post about ep 12 that

The story is saying hope is something worth chasing after.

This is something I emphatically agree with, and I want to add one more core premise that the show felt like it built on throughout

No matter how big change is, growth comes from the little moments when we trust.

This was a show *full* of big, the accident, the lost dreams of national competition, a year in jail, a sister’s death, a parent’s death, a parent’s divorce, an unplanned pregnancy and of course, blindness.

And yet,

This was a show full of tiny moments of growth, hard earned and barely celebrated, of what it was like to see clearly for just 10 seconds of a day. Of how to eat a plate of food without sight, of what it feels like to hold out your hand and trust someone to take it. What forgiveness feels like, voiced in small certain words.

We climbed mountains, and bought slippers, We ran away from home and we learnt to eat cake.

Big Moments

Small Moments

But most of all

Trust

And that was what we lost in episode 11 and that is what episode 12 had to rebuild.

Day thought that Mhok was the one person who trusted him to be okay by himself, even if just for a little while, Day saw him as an equal, a faen. That’s what he chose when he stepped over the marathon finish line. But Mhok wasn’t there with him, not completely. He wanted to carry all of Day’s needs as well as his own.

He didn’t share the nightmare

He didn’t share the job offer

He didn’t share his fear over the car accident

He didn’t trust Day.

And so Day ended things, firmly and with false certainty because he never wanted to be anyone’s burden. He wanted to be Mhok’s equal, and as things stood, Mhok couldn’t give him that.

Episode 12 (again as @plantsarepeopletoo points out) shows that even though the two have grown so much over the past 3 years, they still lack the trust because they’ve done the work separately and not together.

You see it in the way Mhok doesn’t speak until Day is already in the car.

Doesn’t speak until Day recognises his scent.

But once Day recognises him by scent alone, Mhok gives in and trusts enough to lean in and flirt, to show up and cook him food, to take him for suit fittings and cake tastings, to ask him to dance and then finally, to ask for a second chance.

Day’s trust is a more fragile thing. How can he know Mhok sees him as a whole person, trusts him, when Mhok picks up right where they left off, when he continues to pull out his chair and catch his arm to walk him, when he helps him with his jacket, and his food.

What if nothing has changed?

How can he know?

And he needs a push here, more than Mhok does, because of how his trust was broken, but Mum tells Day.

To be uncertain in love is the most normal thing of all, to step forward we must take a risk

To love, is to trust, and so, Day chooses to trust.

And for me, this was the most beautiful moment of all, and the most fulfilling ending I could have gotten.

For me this show held up, from start to finish.

It’s a show about learning to trust your family, your friends and most importantly yourself, no matter what life throws your way.

For those of you who feel that this doesn’t address what you perceive as the biggest flaws in the show, maybe it was Day’s Mum, or Day getting his Vision back, or the show choosing not to explicitly address Mhok’s trauma and abandonment issues, I am not saying you are wrong at all. For me, an explicit unpacking of those things wasn’t needed. They weren’t the threads I was holding onto.

Day’s mum learnt to see him as a whole person.

Mhok learnt to live independently, without someone relying on him.

Day’s vision was returned, an afterthought of the show, after he was already a whole, happy person.

None of these things were less for me.

Because every moment of this show was filled with so much more.

[heretherebedork]

August acting on Day's feelings for him in a desperate attempt to reconnect after losing Day to his blindness and trying to be who he thinks Day wants him to be, trying to care about him in a way he simply doesn't, trying to find romantic love in platonic love and then defending it as a good memory, as pity, as the thing Day feared most and why Day hid his blindness in the first place, proving Day right, is painful but so, so real.

Because pity is easy and it's hard to realize you're going to break your friend's heart and it's even harder to figure out what to do when you know that someone you care about loves you and you want to stay close to them but you don't love them like that.

August went about it all wrong (particularly sending Mhok away entirely, that was a shitty move on his part) but the reality is that he's also just a young man trying to figure out how to interact with the best friend who vanished for a year and who came back differently, blind and more nervous and in need of help but also is still the same person, the same friend.

(August sent Mhok away for the same reason Mhok is always shooting daggers at August... jealousy. August represents Day's past and his life before Mhok, his feelings before Mhok, but Mhok represents this new Day, this changing Day, and that is just as scary to August as the past is to Mhok.)

Mhok sees all of Day and will walk away because his biggest concern is Day's happiness and safety but he is learning that not everyone who says they love someone can be trusted and that is a painful and hard lesson to learn, especially after the losses that Mhok has had in his life where he has always turned, in the end, to the way he loves other people.

[tatasoom]

"I'm still turning the pages"

Promised proper analysis of what happened in ep 12 and what creators wanted to tell us. Many quotes and pics and very real stories included. Enjoy!

The more I was thinking about the ending and how much disappointment and even hatred it brought, the more I was doubting the decision to make this analysis. However I believe there're people who open enough to look deeper, so you may like what the writers gave us.

It's three years after breaking up. Mhok and Day are hard-working people (as they used to be actually). Mhok is exploring his potential in cooking. Day is diving into his obsession with books.

There's a little hint for understanding how little these years mean for the brightest picture you'll never forget. It's Aon asking Day about writing his own book:

Should we get someone back here to assist you write?

Day's face has changed signaling that feelings are still there. Even after three years.

And then the meeting. And feelings from the perspective of Mhok.

And when it's almost the saddest scene in the whole world we're back to romantic comedy with P'Aof's one second cameo and pranks from Mhok. It feels like Mhok is silent in this scene only to laugh at Day, but it's a scene where Day is given a moment to think about his own feelings. And to get a little verbal slap at the end.

Then Mhok has a meeting with Phojai and Night. And if you look at their faces, you'll notice that nobody believes MhokDay story has ended. Some viewers have a question for Mhok acting like there hasn't been three years without the love of his life... Don't you think that all three years he has being told about Day by Phojai? I'm sure she did her best to be in contact!

And for Day blocking Mhok's number I have a personal experience reference. I unblocked my ex only when I was sure I feel nothing for him. I needed to be sure that whatever we'll say to each other my heart wouldn't feel the same way as when we were dating. It took around two or three years to learn this. Now do you understand Day better? After three years Mhok's number is still blocked.

So Mhok came to the Day's bookshop. They're playing this game second time. First it was Mhok's voice, and now it's Mhok's scent.

Day almost did it. He almost saved his face neutral. The book he chose as an editor betrayed him.

"Many books encourage us to put the past behind us and move forward. But this book raises the question: if the past was so beautiful, can we simply hold onto that beauty?"

Was their story beautiful enough to begin again with the same person?

Then they're again in the house they used to spent so much time together. And if it seems like Mhok again acts like caretaker, he's not. He is a guest now, he can make jokes, he can freely sit with others and he doesn't say another sorry to Mrs. Mhon. He's enjoying cooking for friends and teasing Day.

Later in another scene (that for sure is a homage to their fitting room scene from the third episode) Mhok said:

You don't have to put up such high walls with me. You know how happy I am when I get to take care of you.

For Day these words raise a question: what taking care of Day means for Mhok now?

And what we need to mention is Day's response to all this flirting:

You're going back in a few days.

That's also a question. For himself. For Mhok. What if going back won't happen? What then?

They continued this walk down memory line with another dining scene. When cake is served Day says something worth quotation.

"Everybody is created for development"

That's when Mhok is saying thank you for breaking up with him. And says something that truly correlates with them having adult's conversation:

I thought you couldn't live without me.

THIS is what tells us that Mhok has grown up due to their separation. When you're young you think that love is about someone you can't live without, but the truth is you can. You have yourself no matter what. And the mature love is about choosing to live this life with someone you can live without, but just don't want to. "Pity" is just a word, but Mhok is apologizing for more complicated thing, for treating Day as someone who can't understand mature things.

Btw, do you have any ideas about this close up of glass? For me it's the representation of something cold starting to warm up. Day?..

Then the wedding is happening and that's where I started crying for this big family becoming happy again. I think this whole ceremony deserves an award for melting hearts. The way Mrs.Mhon welcomed Phojai. The way Night gave a chance to speak up to his father. The way Day assured Night once again that the accident and the blindness have no effect on a strong bonding between them.

"... everyone should get a second chance. Especially a second chance to make themselves happy"

And then they're dancing. Even without flashbacks we can remember that day when they were dancing for the first time.

You were tense. Your palms were all sweaty.

And another try from Mhok:

If you could see, you would know that from then to now, my feelings for you remain.

And another question-not-question from Day:

... no matter what, you will need to fly back to work anyway.

I didn't see anyone mention this, but for me Day's repeating answers almost scream "tell me you have no reason to go back". Day is trying his best to be mature and he doesn't feel he has any rights to tell Mhok to stay. But he wants it, he wants it so damn much and he's afraid of it.

What you felt then should just stay in that moment.

Are these words for Mhok or Day is actually talking to himself?..

It's not like I wasn't happy with him. But how do I know if I give him a second chance, he won't repeat what he did? I can't live with this feeling for the rest of my life.

Some of you may say: "Won't repeat what? Won't go to Hawaii because of you?". Well, three years later things are different. Back then Mhok wanted to take that chance to start a career, we saw his face when rejecting an offer. Now he's experienced enough to find job anywhere. What Mhok shouldn't repeat is to stay just because he's afraid to leave Day alone. And all that words about repeating Day is also addressing to himself: is he now independent and confident enough to be with Mhok without feeling guilty?

This is love that normal people have. We don't know if it's head or tale but we choose to take a risk in order to step forward.

Some of us find love from the first try. Some of us have to try many times. For some of us it's always different people and sometimes it's the same person. As you growing older you realize that your heart is bigger than you could ever imagine and stronger than you could ever feel.

All of this leads to the one of the most hilarious scene in BL history. That whole airport scene also deserves an award for bringing back that 2000s romantic comedy vibes! Pure art, bravo!

Even though this airport scene didn't result in finding Mhok, they meet each other anyway. And dance. And Day says words that must tell us that he wants to see this world again! And he ask Mhok to be his boyfriend again. Not Mhok is apologizing and pleading as some viewers keep mentioning, but Day is asking for a second chance.

Then we have a glance at Day three years later. He can see again and he's helping a person who can't see.

At first I didn't get what the writers want to tell us with such a short scene. But later I remembered my cousin's story and now everything makes sense.

A couple years ago my cousin was diagnosed with a cancer. She was living in a small town where there's no doctor even to take all needed tests. She moved to the capital city, she found a doctor. Her family helped with money, and I know that the price for that medical treatment was extremely high for them. She had a surgery... at it didn't work. A cancer was still there, after months of suffering, after all money spent.

She didn't give up. She tried another treatment. She made a doctor to do more check ups. Finally she had another surgery. And it worked. Months later she's in remission, she's clear. She's struggling with having to take pills for the rest of her life. She also gained 20 kg and also started dieting and lost most of that weight.

My uncle, her father, told me all of this and mentioned the most impressive detail. Now she keeps in touch with different people who have cancer via chats to provide psychological support and to give practical recommendations. This story wasn't written by some novelist and wasn't directed by anybody, but could you believe it if I didn't tell you it's about my cousin?

"I have read Last Twilight countless times. I always wondered how Me would live if she had a normal life. I couldn't think of the answer then. Life amidst the dilemma caused me to forget what it was like to live a normal life or how happy I could be. When I finished Last Twilight for the first time, it was like my heart was shattered to pieces. I had always imagined myself as Me. If she disappeared, I must also disappear. But eventually, I realized that everyone had their unique tale to tell. We were made to discover our own preferred version of the novel's final. I consider myself lucky to have gone past the worst page in my novel. But I don't believe that this is the end. I'm still turning the pages"

As you could realize through these quotations, the story of Last Twilight is mostly about Day. And at the same time it belongs to every person around him, like in his favorite The little prince there're many characters that surround the main one.

In the end we see Mhok visiting his parents and Rung with Day. We see close up of Rung's car and there's no band aid on it, but the little scar is still there. What does it mean? I think it means that Mhok also is not covering his scars anymore. Somewhere behind the story we were shown he can finally talk about everything.

- You completely changed my life,Day.

- You completely changed my life too.

- I love you, Day.

- I love you, Phi Mhok.

As for the main question for the last episode, the mood of it... P'Aof and the writers wanted to show what the storm feels like. If you experienced the hardest part of your life and managed to survive the thought of losing any hope, you will not be the same. You will be funny, you will be ridiculous, you will be spontaneous, you will live your life like it's a damn hard to believe movie.

Btw, we were told a story of a boy who likes sunflowers - the flowers that refuse to stay in the dark🌻

And that's it. That's all, dear readers. If you're here, you should know that it means a lot to me. As much as Mhok and Day I guess. As much as Last Twilight. The story of hope. While writing this analysis I had to omit some details, so I think I will make small posts with different favorite moments. It was a nice journey and I already miss all metas and gifs and memes about Last Twilight every Friday and not only Friday. Let's stay here for other beautiful stories and of course for new stories from Jimmy and Sea and P'Aof!

[maxfandoms]

Night & Day and breaking character's false beliefs

Hi, Hello *picks themselves off the floor* I finally think I'm sane enough to talk about Night & Day and what happened in episode 10 without going TOTALLY insane

The first thing I want talk about is a character false belief, which is a thing that character considers true in their point of view, one of Day's false belief is that Night care is not genuine and everything he does is to please his mom.

When it comes to the false belief, most times, it goes in one of two ways depending on the type of story: The character ends up encounters stuff that confirms that belief or oppose that belief until they have to rethink what they used to belief. Last Twilight goes with the latter route

The first thing that Night does is get Day a phone so he can communicate with Mhok (Also he other friends but it mostly so he can talk to Mhok whenever he wants to)

Latter we learn that Day's has a new number, which means that this is most likely a new phone so Night went out of his way to buy his younger brother a phone (the image of Night in a store buying a phone makes makes me cry like a newborn)

*BAM* The first real shake is done in Day's false belief because their mom is against Mhok & Day's relationship ergo if Night was only keeping a facade he wouldn't have given him any help and Day's realizes this!

The biggest one is right after Night's leaves the room and Day's overhears the conversation between K'Mon and when he hears the mom being awful, Day has the realization that Night continues to be the same in the eyes of the mom (maybe even worse now).

Day has to deal that the idea that he had of Night after the accident was wrong and how that would impact the whole "blaming Night for the accident" feelings. And in the next day, I assume

Day goes down to eat, something he didn't do ever since Mhok left, it clear that he doesn't know yet totally what his feelings.

One thing to keep in my mind, when it comes to P'Aof that I see a lot of, he uses one of my favorite metaphors foods = care. Especially here in Last Twilight. There's a reason that Mhok in learning to care for Day learns more about food and starts to become a chef. Also with the mom taking the time to make food (which is something that I will talk about in another post)

And why I am saying that? Well it's because of the next few minutes

So Day is still weakly holding on to his last believe until

Night gives his plate that he had just heat it up and it's such a unconsciously behavior that it can only be read in one way I CARE ABOUT YOU

Day's false belief is broken, however we still have Night who has his own false belief that his recklessness and mistakes led to him losing his good relationship with his brother.

So Day is shaken and tense, until he know he cannot take anymore and need to say something even if its own Day way

Okay, let me break down this while trying not cry:

Day is his own way is saying that his brother is deserving of good food, something that would taste good

Combine that with the food = care metaphor and you have the subtle I still care about you too (and a sobbing Max)

That admission shakes Night, also that's probably the first time that Day didn't came with aggression right away since the accident so he doesn't know what to do and the hurt the mom caused it probably still fresh.

*Bam* First crack in Night's belief but he play it off normally and Day's as well until the "I forgive you" which is something that even Day's is surprise that he said it

But when he stops and thinks he is come up with the fact that whatever anger was there before its gone and that it feel right to say those words and make sure that Night knows it

This is the big one when it comes to Night's false belief, the thing Night thought it could never happen, Day said with all letters that whatever blame Day's put onto Night, he forgave him

Like a domino effect when Night vocalizes how much that meant for him, we have Day settle in without his false belief

But in the same way that we had three actions to destroy the false belief of Day. we also had three for Night which comes when Day tells Night about their dad and starts to playfully banter with his brother

LOOK AT THOSE EYES. This is it, Night false belief is shaken because when Day jokes with Night, is his way of reaching out and tell Night that he does want to try and have a good relationship with him.

We also have a moment where Night is settle in without his false belief and at the same time his also letting go of his guilt

For the first time in a year (or maybe more) they are being brothers and having a laughter and helping each other destroy their false belief and REALIZE THAT THEY ALWAYS DID LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH

[babyangelsky]

BL Challenge 2k24 ✨Day 13✨

Hello and welcome to @negrowhat's 15 Day BL Challenge! Full challenge can be found here.

Give Five Good Boys a Gold Star ⭐️

Before I begin, I would just like to preface by saying that the amount of restraint it took me, Tumblr user babyangelsky, to keep from populating this list entirely with all my baby angels named Sky is frankly quite admirable and ya'll should be proud of me.

Now, presented in no particular order:

Sky from Love in the Air ⭐️

♡ gif by @prapais from this set

My baby angel. The OG baby angel in whose honor I chose my username. Beautiful, intelligent, legs for days. He got put through all seven hells for no damn good reason and still managed to come out the other side with an adoring rich husband and a new family. He won, he deserved to win, and I love that for him. Gold star!

...What? I said I didn't populate this list entirely with characters named Sky, not that I wouldn't include any.

Sprite from Twins ⭐️

♡ gif by @25shadesoffebruary from this set

Oh, this kid. He has my whole heart. He tore himself to pieces for weeks practicing two collegiate-level sports simultaneously, fighting through exhaustion and having zero support, all for the sake of his asshole brother. Zee, Salmon, and his shitty mother might have appreciated him but I DO. Gold star!

Non from Dead Friend Forever ⭐️

♡ gif by @krystaljungs from this set

Mi niño 🥺 Mi cielo. Non never did anything wrong in his life ever. If he was guilty of anything it was just trying to survive, and that doesn't make him guilty at all. It simply makes him human. He was a fantastic writer and wrote a beautiful script that his big brother followed to a T. He more than earned the peaceful life he's definitely living on some faraway beach because he is definitely alive. GOLD! STAR!

Thian from To Sir, With Love ⭐️

♡ gif by @universe-club (formerly @forcebook) from this set

The absolute sweetest man to ever exist, who managed to hold on to his sweetness in spite of everything. He resisted every increasingly unhinged attempt by his mother and her minion to shove him back into the closet and kept loving whom and what he loved even if he had to do it secretly. The best son, the best brother, the bravest man in these BL streets. Gold star and one for Yang for also being the best brother!

Mhok from Last Twilight ⭐️

♡ gif by @junghaesin from this set

Take a look at the face of the most caring man in the universe. He might have been a little rough around the edges but he was an entire ticker-tape parade of green flags. He was always patient. He always sought to understand even when he felt like he was out of his depth. And even after losing his whole family and being buried in grief, he managed to build a life for himself with his own blood, sweat, and tears. Gold star and a new boyfriend!

[mycringeaccount]

Is the narrative gonna treat Mhok worse than August ??

Why I have no problem with there being a separation ark but I still hate the last scene of ep 11.

I think the discussion about the separation arc from what I’ve seen lacks nuance. I dislike the last scene of episode 11. It hurt me so bad. And makes me sooo angry. But it’s not bc I think a separation would be bad. It’s just about how it is executed. It’s how Mhok gets punished by the narrative for being traumatised. It’s how Day (I don’t hate him for it. It’s not really his fault) gets to grow and overcome his issues with ppl helping him, with loved ones at his side. While Mhok has to suffer and grow alone. How Mhok makes mistakes and gets punished so severely every time.

I understand that Day is angry and hurt. And that he doesn’t think rational in this moment, that’s why he acts this way. I think it’s only human. Everyone makes mistakes and reacted selfish from time to time. But if they really did the time skip with Day and Mhok not talking things out, it would be a huge disservice to their relationship and the narrative the story is trying to tell. Even f**** August would have gotten more forgiveness for his actions than Mhok. And August offense was way worse.

What I want from the next episode is Day going to Mhok before he flies to Hawaii.

Maybe he had a chat with Porjai before where she tells him that even to her Mhok is closed off and doesn’t let anyone know his struggles bc of reasons and Day seeing It was never about his disability but just about Mhoks own struggles.

Then I want to go to him and them talking about it. Day apologising for beeing to emotional and breaking up. Day saying he is really hurt by Mhok not telling him about his struggles bc he wants to support him just as Mhok has supported him. And them agreeing on a long distance relationship. Where Mhok goes to Hawaii unde the condition that Mhok tells Day about all of his worries and struggles from now on. That Day is there to support him even if it is from afar. And maybe get some hobbies and friends on his own while he is at it. Or maybe he just doesn’t go to Hawaii at all bc I don’t think he really wants to.

That would also mirror the first break up they had, where day fired Mhok. I think at this point it would be out of character for Day to just not apologise or say anything to Mhok. When he went to August after their thing and even confronted the dad after the wedding.

I just think that Mhok needs time to grow and get over his fears and learn to be a whole person for himself and not to live just for others. But I think it’s not fair that he has to do it alone and isolated. He deserves a support system too

[wanderlust-in-my-soul]

Thank you! I was so pissed at the end of Last Twilight and you nailed it in your post!

The number of times I swore at the last two episodes. I'm so angry, as a person with a disability, so pissed. I'm pissed at all of it, but that part engages me. So much that I'm having a hard time saying anything smart. They did such a good job at so many things but those last two chapters were so upsetting on so many levels.

We can be happy, content, and satisfied in our lives, with a disability. We don't have to be "cured". I understand it's what Day wanted but, it made the whole show fall down and feel empty and pointless.

And the whole relationship stuff at the end was so pointless and not well written in my opinion. Most of it made no sense. You said it perfectly in your post. All of it. So thank you. 💜

Hi Anon!

I wanted to answer this a long time ago. I am very sorry it took me so long 🌼

I saw so many different posts about the ending and of course some of them were really praising and loving the ending (which is totally fine for me by the way). At some point I was unsure, if my words were too harsh. I mean, I love critical reviews about stuff, also about stuff I enjoy and love, but I still was thinking if I was too critical. This here, this ask made me realise that it wasn't too harsh and even if there were just you and me, who think this way, it is a valid opinion. Thank you so much for reaching out!

I couldn't go back to Last Twilight til now. I still feel a pain in the heart thinking about the ending. I loved the series so much, but with every comment, with every thought about how much Mhok was giving up for Day, to make him happy, without Day considering Mhok's feelings and their value, it just hurt. And I still feel pain thinking about the lost message, the fact, that Day couldn't see himself as "normal" or "whole" without his eye-sight. I guess it was the fact, that is wasn't talked about anymore. We saw him thriving and having a fullfilled life without the ability to see. And it looked as if he was happy. I guess it would be helpful if we could have seen a discussion about this whole eye donation thing, to understand that this is still something he was going for. But the better message in the end would have been, if he could be thriving without this surgery.

And it could have helped if we could have seen Mhok's journey in those three years? Does he overcome his trauma? Would he become this dependent again? Does he made friends? Could he live his life to the fullest? What was he thinking? How many times did he reach out to Day and never got a reply, never got anything in return? Why did he choose to go after him, after all this time and after all the hurt? How did he overcome the hurt? And how did he manage to forgive him. And why the fuck did he need to thank Day for the heartbreak and pain he were going through? How the fuck could he thank him for choosing for him, without talking with him, without considering that Mhok has an own opinion and is his own person with his own thoughts and backstory? How the fuck? ... Guess I am still angry...

There was so much pontential and they just blew it.

I didn't want to rant again 😅🙈 Sorry!

Thank you so much for reaching out and telling me about your thoughts! 🤍

[hongtiddiez]

last twilight e3 thoughts feelings etc

so in the past ive watched the episodes and digested them and come back and rewatched to put together my thoughts but im kinda crunched for time today and have a mountain of work to do sooo i'm just gonna do this in one sitting and i'm so sorry if it's not as good or as coherent as what i usually deliver aaa. it's also going to be a bit longer than normal probably but i'll try to cut down on stuff that seems unnecessary or maybe just too obvious to comment on.

OH ITS STILL REALLY LONG EVEN WITH EDITING I'M SO SORRY.

oh them being playful with each other is everything to me. oh my god and Mhok learned, he listened to Porjai and he learned to organize and clean and do things with Day as an active participant so he knows where everything is and is taking control of his own life. oh we're only 3 minutes in and i'm emotional, okay.

i do love that we get to see the way Day has isolated himself and that while his family haven't helped there's also a large part of it that is his doing. ive said it before but when you're newly disabled it can be so so easy to isolate yourself. hell, i've been diagnosed for almost 10 years and i still do it from time to time as my condition worsens because it's hard. there are so many questions you have to answer, there's the anxiety of not knowing if people are going to be accommodating to your needs, and sometimes it takes twice or even three times the energy it used to take before because every action is a little harder now. it can be terrifying to put yourself out there again and you will lose friends in the process. there will be people that don't understand, that find you to be an inconvenience, that won't make accommodations for you, and it will hurt every time but saying goodbye to those people is always ultimately for the better - but it doesn't make it hurt less. as much as i'd love the realism of it, i hope we don't have to see Day go through that.

Day's story about his friend is interesting, too. he says he doesn't want to be pitied by his friends but the thing is. they just did that, they accommodated their friend, and from the sound of it they did it without judgement. so why couldn't it be the same for him? it just shows more of his anxiety and his fear.

"i felt like my life was worthless. all i saw in people's eyes was insult."

screaming. crying. throwing up. i don't need to say anything about this but i thought you all should know it made me ill.

"once i'm ready you'll be the first to get my invitation card." Porjai and Mhok's friendship means so so fucking much to me.

here's the thing, my best friend and i dated in high school, we were 16 and fucking stupid and toxic and our home lives were shit and we took it out on each other and we made each other fucking miserable by the end of things. we didn't talk again for over five years. it took time to come back together, to heal and accept our own faults in what went wrong. we stumbled here and there as we came back together but now? almost 10 years later i don't know what i'd do without him. that's my platonic soulmate, that's the one person besides my husband i can share anything with. fuck, he knows more about my life than my husband does because he was there to see me at my worst, at the scariest point in my life where i almost wasn't around anymore to see tomorrow. that kind of friendship is so fucking special, i cannot even properly put it into words, and for Mhok to keep that? to have that with Porjai? i'm so fucking glad he has that. i'm so glad he got to keep his platonic soulmate.

small aside, i love that Mhok consistently announces himself to Day. it's a little action but it's so considerate. he's honestly doing such an incredible job.

Day puts his sunglasses on like armor; like they can shield him from the judging stares or looks of pity he can't see. maybe someday he won't need them, not because his heart has hardened to take the blows, but maybe because he knows Mhok is by his side. because remember - it's the way they look at us.

"i heard you wanted to take time off and focus on badminton" Night i'm going to drown you in your own toilet. this is just furthering my thoughts from episode 2 that Night is ashamed of his brother and his condition, or perhaps that the family is trying to hide his condition for some fucking stupid reason.

the bravery it took Day to come here and admit whats happening to his is huge, but i'm also in love with the admissions admin saying sure, you can have time off, but you're not allowed to quit. you're not allowed to give up on yourself.

"we must live with hope, Day" and that's it. you have to. you just have to. every day is going to be so hard and so much, you'll have good and bad days, but at least in all those days you'll have hope. and maybe someday that hope won't be for new eyes. maybe that hope will turn into acceptance, into determination, into pride at what you've accomplished in spite of it all. in my opinion, hope is an amazing fuel but it's not sustainable, it's just a vehicle to get you to where you need to be.

Mhok asking a blind man for a tour, oh fuck fuck fuckfuckufkcufk-- Mhok essentially saying show me your world exactly as you remember it, let me in. see how things have changed and how they've remained the same and do it with me by your side.

THE WAY MHOK SHIELDS HIM AT THE LIBRARY. DAY DOESN'T NEED TO WEAR HIS SUNGLASSES LIKE ARMOR BECAUSE MHOK IS BY HIS SIDE AS HIS SHIELD. chewing my own arm off brb.

"and you also have me. nothing to be afraid of" because i will always shield you, i will always protect you, i will stand by your side AAAA--

on part 3/4 now, i promise i'll shut the fuck up soon. if you've read this far pls take this as a smooch checkpoint, i'm giving you a little forehead smooch. have you had any water today? taken your meds? relax your shoulders, unclench your jaw.

ok back to it - Mhok continuously having Day make his own selections in these various machines. Day's fate is in his hands, he can do these things himself, but Mhok will be there with him the whole way.

"my eyes don't work well but my legs do just fine." this is such a massive leap from the man that wouldn't even leave his bedroom, from the man that was suffocating in his environment. Day is no longer a dying man, a shambling corpse. he is an active participant in his own life again.

"stay close to me, that's all i need" bitch i'm gonna throw up, you can't just hit me with that after that's all i've been saying this whole time what the fuck.

OH FUCK ME. okay. alright. hang on. so when they enter the shop Mhok describes it to Day, explains where the jeans are, where the shirts are, asks him what to do and what he wants to take a look at. this is a direct antithesis of Night in episode 1 asking where Day was going to wait for him, where he could leave him so he could get his shit done. Day isn't being asked to wait, to just sit idle while life passes him by, he's being asked what he wants to do, where he wants to go, what he wants to see. FUUUUUCK. and knowing Mhok is doing this because Day expressed that he liked dressing nicely? how the fuck am i supposed to just go to my job like a normal person after this episode.

wow the shirt buttoning scene just made me so mentally ill. right now, Mhok is doing his job. he's helping Day get dressed. but someday? someday this could be Mhok dressing Day not because he needs him to help but simply because Mhok likes doing to for Day. there's the sensuality of caring for your partner, of running your hands over the planes of their shoulders, of skimming your fingers down their chest to pluck every button. it's an exploration and a declaration of love. if we get this again in a future scene and it's something like that please remember me fondly because i will perish.

at the bookstore Mhok recognizing Day doesn't want to wait, but Day has become so accustomed to the other people in his life telling him what to do that he falls back into that behavior - but Mhok doesn't let him. he prioritizes Day's needs and desires, even if it's something as little as finding a book, without being asked.

THE LAST PAGE IS MISSING.

(because one can't see his future and the other can't see in the future, but also because they'll make their own ending, they'll face that when they get there, but they'll do it together -- what if i lost my shit completely of it?)

when Mhok leaves Day to get him a drink the camera is focused on Day and the clear warring emotions on his face but if you look in the background Mhok hesitates, he stops and turns a few times to look at day. he's reluctant to leave him and worried. Mhok worries so much but it's always so understated or in the background, covered by the emotions of others he values above himself. (or overlooked because of 'what type of person he is')

while its anxiety inducing i do enjoy this regression of behavior because adapting to a new life is hard. you will regress, you will stumble, you will fall into old habits or sometimes old fears will return. its what you do after that that is important. the one thing i hope doesn't happen is i hope this doesn't cause a rift with Porjai. i think Mhok needs her right now, maybe not forever, but definitely right now.

HE PUT ON THE FUCKING SHIRT. THE FUCKING SHIRT DAY COULD SEE FROM MARS. OH MY GOD. i know this doesn't need to be commented on, i know it's obvious, but FUUUUCK.

Day's mom trying to weaponize Mhok's past and Mhok taking the ammunition from her hands and telling Day himself. the acceptance of the past and the determination to move on and grow from it. Day's refusal to let the past repeat itself with a new caretaker. whoo boy.

and again Day wants to see Mhok, because even bruised and battered Mhok is worth seeing.

if the last episode ends with "sweet dreams/good night" i will be burying myself alive, thanks.

THE PINK SHIRT RUINING HIS BAD BOY IMAGE BECAUSE IT IS BEING RUINED. HE'S MOVING ON, HE'S GROWING, HE'S BECOMING A NEW PERSON. FUCK OFF.

i'm so so sorry this was so long, every episode makes me feel more and more things and makes me analyze shit more and more.

tagging @benkaaoi and @callipigio as requested (if you want to be added to my last twilight meta tag list just let me know!)

[cherikfirstclass]

Hello, i've been crying for the last hour because of this scene.

Since the first moment they met, Mhok turned Day's life upside down.

He made Day realize that being blind doesn't mean being dead. It doesn't mean that he can't go out and have adventures or that he can't make friends (or have lovers). He's still alive, and he should take the most from that. Even if it's hard, even if some days it would be just better to stay in bed all day and hide from the world, he's still breathing, and he's sorrounded by people who love him.

That's why Day wants Mhok to be the last image he sees before going totally blind. Because, for him, looking at Mhok means looking at hope. Hope for a future in which he no longer believed.

What's also heartbreaking to watch is Mhok realizing that, this time, there's nothing he can do or fix to help his boyfriend. He's trying to stay strong for him, but in the end sadness prevails and takes over.

All I can say is that they love each other so much. I hope life has only good things in store for them. They deserve it.♡

[badapricot]

Lovely Writer: Count 20, 21, & 22

Based on the promos and the end of the Episode 8, these chapters should be included in Episode 9 of Lovely Writer. Keep in mind that they often cut scenes or move them around. And yes, this includes Nubsib and Gene’s first time.

Count 20

After leaving Siam Paragon, Gene waits in his condo. While he’s there he gets LINE messages from Nubsib telling him to eat and wait for him.

After, Gene gets drunk texts from Aey that include closeups of his lips and pictures of a man. Gene asks who the man is and Aey says Gene is too jealous, but the man isn’t Nubsib.

Gene says he isn’t jealous and goes to get dressed to meet Aey. He’s not a parent but he is worried about Aey being drunk at a bar with some random man.

Gene goes to the hotel bar and is relieved to see Aey is sitting alone.

Gene tells Aey to pay so they can go but Aey buys Gene a mojito.

Aey says he’s surprised Gene came without Nubsib and Gene remembers that he hasn’t texted Nubsib back or told him where he went. He goes to text him but Aey stops him from grabbing his phone. He tells Gene that they were talking right? And Gene doesn’t want Nubsib to interrupt them like last time. Gene says fine but they can talk at home, they don’t need to do it at the bar.

Aey asks Gene if he likes Nubsib and goes to touch his face. The bartender brings Gene’s drink over and interrupts them so Aey stops. He tells Gene that he could tell Nubsib likes Gene.

Gene asks Aey if he’s gay and Aey says yes, he doesn’t like women. He’s actually prettier than most women.

Gene can tell that Aey is very drunk to be talking like this so he orders him water, but Aey just orders another alcoholic drink. He asks Gene why he hasn’t touched his mojito and tells him he’s cute.

Aey says it’s stupid but he’s happy that Gene was worried enough to come see him at the bar. He says that a kind person like Gene can like him so he should stop liking Nubsib and like him instead. 

Gene says he wants to go home and Aey says Gene doesn’t have to—he can hold on to him tonight.

Gene doesn’t have the strength to push Aey away and he’s surprised by how much stronger Aey feels now when before he seemed so small. Nubsib steps in and covers Gene’s mouth so Aey can’t kiss him.

Nubsib and Mhok have arrived from the after party. Aey asks what they’re doing and Mhok takes Aey away to talk. Nubsib is so scary, Gene doesn’t dare to look at him or speak.

Gene sees his untouched drink on the bar and the thousands of baht Aey threw next to it and feels guilty so he goes to drink the drink, but Nubsib takes it and drinks it all at once.

Nubsib says they can go back now and takes Gene to his car. Once they’re inside he aggressively kisses him and asks Gene what he should do with him.

Nubsib asks Gene “Do you know what you did wrong?” and Gene says he was wrong to go and talk to Aey even though Nubsib told him not to, and Nubsib tells Gene no, he was wrong to make him worry. He tells Gene he gets very worried when he can’t contact Gene.

Gene says he told Nubsib that he’s not a kid so he doesn’t have to worry and Nubsib tells him that he told him already, it’s not related to his age. Nubsib worries about Gene because he’s his important person.

Gene finally tells Nubsib “...sorry” and Nubsib kisses his cheek and tells him not to forget this.

Gene asks if Nubsib is still mad that he came to see Aey and Nubsib says yes, because he’s not just protective, he’s also possessive.

Gene admits that he also got jealous when he thought that Aey might have been at the bar with Nubsib.

Nubsib tells Gene that they’ll make a deal. Nubsib will always tell Gene where he goes if Gene does the same. Gene agrees.

Gene asks how Mhok knows Aey and Nubsib says they’re friends. Gene thinks that’s weird cause they never seemed close to him.

Gene also can’t comprehend Aey liking him even though it came from his mouth. He asks Nubsib why he likes Gene even though Gene isn’t super handsome or rich and Nubsib says that Gene is cute and he likes him. So what? And if Nubsib likes Gene, then so can other people.

Nubsib drives Gene home and Gene gets LINE messages from Aey. He asks Gene out for another drink. Gene says Aey has drunk enough and mentions that Nubsib drank Gene’s drink. Aey then asks about what Mhok and Nubsib talked about. When Gene doesn’t answer, Aey tells Gene that he drugged his drink—the mojito Nubsib drank. Aey tells Gene that Nubsib should soak in a cold bath all night if he really drank it.

Count 21 (Nubsib POV)

Nubsib thinks Gene looks very cute but weirdly anxious and jittery.

He tells Nubsib “You ate...” but can’t bring himself to say it.

Nubsib asks Gene if it’s hot and if he wants him to turn on the air conditioner and Gene freaks out a bit. He asks Nubsib if he’s feeling hot and then tells him to speed home.

As soon as they get back to the condo Gene pushes Nubsib to take a cold shower to save money on the electric bill. Nubsib tells Gene it’s just a bill, it’s not a big deal. Gene starts listing the other benefits of cold water like that it won’t dry out Nubsib’s skin and it will help burn fat.

Nubsib laughs and thinks Gene being weird is cute. He goes to take a shower and then comes out. Gene goes into shower next and Nubsib peeps at Gene’s phone. He sees that Gene was reading an article about sex pills.

Gene comes back to the bedroom and berates Nubsib for not taking a cold enough shower. Gene noticed steam on the mirrors.

Gene showers and then comes out wearing Nubsib’s clothes, which make him look small.

They lie in bed together and Nubsib starts playing up the symptoms in the article he saw Gene reading. He says he feels hot and Gene checks his forehead. In reality, Nubsib is only hot because he’s lying in bed with Gene.

Gene puts Nubsib’s head in his lap and says they should go to the hospital. Nubsib says, “I’m hot so I need to go to the hospital?”

Gene finally admits that Aey texted him and told him that he drugged his drink with sex pills.

Nubsib asks Gene where someone would even get pills like that (as a joke). He then tells Gene that he’d never drink something if it looked suspicious. He’s totally fine.

Gene doesn’t believe him because if Nubsib was normal, he would have hugged him already. 

“Do you want me to hug you?”

“No it’s just usually like that.”

“Okay, so I’ll hold you tight later on.”

Gene narrowed his eyes. “Then why won’t you just hold me now?”

“...”

“It’s because you’re uncomfortable right? You don’t have to pretend to be a good person, you can tell me about it.”

Nubsib wants to comfort Gene but he likes how worried he is about him. He tells Gene he’ll go to the bathroom and take care of himself later. Gene says then it must be bad right? The pills are strong.

Gene says that if he doesn’t go to the hospital, he needs to take care of it himself.

Nubsib tells Gene to relax and that they should just go to bed. He says, “I told you there’s nothing. You were just fooled by me.”

Gene doesn’t believe Nubsib and pounces on him. He tells Nubsib that he’ll help him himself. Nubsib tells Gene that he doesn’t have to force himself to do anything and Gene says he’ll only use his hand.

Nubsib tells Gene it’s fine and Gene says, “Don’t be a hero.”

Nubsib says, “At this time, you haven’t accepted me yet. If we do it like this, it’s me taking advantage.”

Gene says, “You’re not taking advantage. I’m offering to help myself.”

Nubsib reminds Gene that he promised to hold him tight and say it loud when he confessed.

Gene holds onto Nubsib and shyly says, “Like...like...like.”

Nubsib laughs because he’s so happy.

They smile and Nubsib asks if Gene still wants to do it.

Gene says yes because Nubsib’s hard.

Nubsib says it’s not because of any drugs, but because Gene is cute.

Gene’s face says he doesn’t believe Nubsib. He tells Nubsib that if he’s too embarrassed to go to the hospital then Gene will do it himself. He starts taking off Nubsib’s pants and Nubsib reminds Gene that last time he told him he wouldn’t hold back.

Gene isn’t listening and tells Nubsib to help him with his pants. Nubsib “helps” by kissing Gene and taking his shirt off. He takes his pants off too and Gene tells him, “I told you to help me.” Nubsib tells Gene that he is helping him, because he doesn’t want to do it alone.

Nubsib spreads Gene’s legs and Gene asks if they’re seriously going to do it. Nubsib says yes and they’re going to do it vigorously which makes Gene’s eyes widen.

Nubsib licks Gene’s chest which makes Gene very embarrassed. 

Nubsib thinks that Gene looks like he’s not in his body, because he’s so inexperienced he’s oversensitive to everything.

Nubsib eats Gene out and wants to explore every nook and cranny for hours but stops because if he keeps going then he’s worried he’ll get too rough.

“It hurts, Sib.”

“Be patient.”

“I’m sore.”

“Yes, I know. I know.”

Wet eyelashes and tears. They rolled from the corner of his eyes and made my heart faint. I stopped what I was doing and my other hand, which was still free, gently stroked his small face.

We kissed and touched. Eventually, Gene’s heavy breathing lessened.

Even if I’m patient, there’s no way for someone to not get hurt during their first time. I poured more lube on my hand and moved forward. Knowing that Gene was suffering, I was also suffering.

Close to entirely inside his body, he tightened. I smiled even though my jaw gritted. I wanted to control myself so Gene wasn’t afraid.

In a hoarse voice I said, “It’s all inside.”

“...”

“Can you feel it?”

Gene nodded. I paused, waiting a little longer, before slowly moving my hips. Gene’s eyebrows which were still drawn tight, slowly loosened with time.

“Ah...ah!”

I was patiently moving slowly before increasing the speed little by little.

“Gene...Khun Gene.”

I moved the palm of my hand to support his buttocks, to soften the impact. Under my body, Gene moaned as if he wanted hide how he was feeling. The sound of the thrusting and the lube sounded rough.

“You’re...too big.”

“...”

I accidentally thrust too hard, until I heard a high pitched cry. Almost completely withdrawing from his body before invading again. I couldn’t help but say harshly, “Who taught you to speak like that?”

“I...can’t.”

The dim lights made me see it all. His red face and torso. The eyes dim with tears. The rhythm that moved his hips deeply. I moved both hands to hold his waist. Looking at the emotions on Gene’s face, I tried to remember it precisely in my brain.

“Gene, do you know...how long I’ve waited for today?”

“Yeah.”

“Call my name, let me know that I’m taking you, Gene.”

“...”

“Who is taking you Gene?”

“Sib.”

“...”

“Nubsib.”

I leaned down to caress Gene, and he hugged me. A small, cute moan was heard repeatedly in my ear before I thrust my hips deeper for the last time.

Buried so close that we were almost fused, made sure that the person in front of me was all mine.

Count 22

Gene wakes up with Nubsib’s forearm around him.

He tries to get up and Nubsib asks where he’s going.

Gene says that Nubsib has class right? And Nubsib reminds Gene that it’s Sunday, and he doesn’t have filming today either.

Gene says he wants to take a shower and Nubsib says it’s fine because he wiped him last night. Inside too. So Gene’s body is completely clean.

Gene pushes Nubsib and Nubsib laughs before kissing the hand Gene used to shove him.

Nubsib tells Gene to take a shower later and Gene says fine but he still wants to go to the bathroom. Nubsib carries Gene to the bathroom.

I automatically moved my arm around Nubsib’s neck. The quilt around me came off and the cold air from the air conditioner blew. I froze knowing that I was totally naked and not wearing any clothes. Faster than I could think, I tensed my legs to try and hide. But I cried out because of the sore muscles in my back.

“Ouch!”

“I know you’re shy, but don’t hurt yourself.”

“Isn’t it because of you?”

Nubsib’s sharp eyes lowered slightly. “Then I’ll take care of it for you.”

“There’s no need!”

Gene makes Nubsib leave. It’s kind of hard for him to stand but he manages. He notices that there are a lot of red marks on his body and hopes they go away soon.

Gene asks Nubsib to bring him some clothes and he does.

He carries Gene to the couch and Gene smells him cooking.

Nubsib then carries Gene to the kitchen and Gene gets embarrassed over how Nubsib isn’t even bothering to let Gene walk and is just wordlessly carrying him everywhere.

Nubsib gives Gene medicine and Gene asks if Nubsib is okay too after the drug he took last night. Nubsib says yes he’s fine.

Nubsib calls Gene just “Gene” and Gene says they aren’t the same age.

Nubsib says that might be true, but Gene is his boyfriend.

Nubsib says, “Would you prefer wife or beloved?” and Gene says, “Let’s stick with Gene.”

Nubsib carries Gene back to his bed and tells him to sleep.

Gene wakes up at 9AM and thinks Nubsib’s condo is really well stocked and he’s lucky to have a housekeeper.

As he makes breakfast Nubsib comes up to him and kisses his cheek, scaring him.

Nubsib holds Gene and asks if he’s going to write all day and Gene says yes.

He hasn’t gone back to his own apartment since the day of the event because he misses Nubsib so much. 

Nubsib kisses Gene with tongue and Gene tells him to stop doing this when they just wake up. Nubsib says, “It’s a morning kiss. Never read it in a novel?”

Nubsib asks Gene to come to set and visit him today. He’ll take Gene out to eat.

They eat breakfast. Later on, Gene goes to meet Nubsib at the set.

There’s nowhere for Gene to sit on set and it’s too hot to stay outside so he goes inside and stays in an air conditioned room.

Aey comes in and says he’s surprised to see Gene. He thought Nubsib would keep him away.

Gene is silent and Aey acts why he’s acting this way.

Gene is so angry he can’t even speak—thinking about all the side effects the pills could have had.

Aey says that he lied to Gene because Gene didn’t answer him. He didn’t put in any drugs at all.

Aey says he’s sorry but he just wanted to get back at Nubsib by having him soak in an ice bath. He didn’t put anything in there.

Gene is frozen in shock.

Gene says playing a joke is one thing, but they could have called the police too.

Aey asks if Gene hates him and Gene says that if he hated Aey he wouldn’t be standing there talking to him.

Aey then asks if Gene likes Nubsib and Gene says yes he does.

Aey starts laughing to the point where he’s crying and says that it’s really cute how Gene thought that he liked Nubsib.

Gene thinks that between Nubsib and Aey, if all young people today are like this then he doesn’t want to leave the house.

Aey stops laughing but he stays smiling. He tells Gene that he actually saw Gene on Nubsib’s phone before the casting and he became interested because Nubsib doesn’t care about anyone but he cared about who was in that picture. That’s why Aey followed him to the casting.

Gene is so confused by the fact that Aey doesn’t like Nubsib.

Aey says that if Gene won’t be his boyfriend then he can be his friend-in-law and Gene doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

He tells Aey not to play pretend like this again and Aey laughs before leaving.

Gene meets up with Nubsib who comes in from set.

“Nong Aey told me he didn’t put anything in the mojito. So were you affected or were you not?”

“Mojito?” Nubsib’s eyebrows raised. “What mojito?”

“Don’t pretend to forget. Not even a week ago, the drink you drank for me.”

“Oh!”

“Oh!?”

“...”

Nubsib went silent. Seeing that reaction, I immediately guessed. I pointed a finger at him.

“You bad boy! You fooled me!”

“Gene.”

“At that time I was worried about you, but...”

“I told you multiple times I wasn’t affected. Don’t you remember?”

“...”

“Where would you get sex medicine from?”

“If it looks suspicious, I won’t pick it up and drink it.”

“I told you I wasn’t. You were fooled by me.”

[life-rewritten]

Lovely Writer (5-7)- The Fantasy of Love: The Search for Family, Freedom and Love

Wow it’s like I haven’t written in so long on here. You know this because I literally have to analyse and break down Lovely writer episode 5-7 and catch up before tomorrows episode, these episodes just by themselves are packed and full of depth and meta and it takes ages to comb through the information and present the results. But I’m back and I have so much to say, I feel so incredibly worried and scared for our babies as they deal with the villains of the show, but I also can’t help but swoon at the themes of the show, and why they’re important for representation in BL to be shown and discussed. Lovely Writer continues to be fluffy, cute BL on the surface but deep within a powerful medium for conversations about LGTBTQ representation and more. Isn’t it brilliant? And with two incredible Bl couples there’s so much to break down and analyse. So let’s break down the fantasy of BL love and why it’s a massive theme in the show.

Gene and His Fear

Gene’s reactions to people are in a way very similar to someone who is going through a stereotypical situation, and at first I didn’t understand why he had such a certain mistrust in people like for example although it was understood his fears and worries about Nubsib, he reacted in a way that seemed very extra and over the top in episode 6. The reason why this feels extra is because he made the audience feel like Nubsib must have been a horrible person to him in the past for him to go into a panic attack and break down over the fact that he lied about his identity and it is Sib. Obviously the reason why he was panicking is because he had realised he had fallen in love with Nubsib and he thought he was a victim of a practical joke wherein he fell hard but Nubsib’s feelings were insincere. It seemed like he felt scared like the one person he trusted and felt truly himself and comfortable with (who Nubsib always seems to be for him even in childhood) was fake and not possible path for him. This points back to the doubts and ideas Gene holds about himself, he doesn’t have social anxiety but he does have a form of discomfort that makes him feel he doesn’t belong with others, like he’s different, he’s ‘abnormal’ this points to his internalised struggle with his sexuality and being with his friends who want him to be truthful, it points out to his struggle with being imaginative preferring toys and childish games over the games his peers preferred at a young age, him being a BL author when normally it’s not written by men etc. He tends to want to hide and shield himself from others by entering his own imagination hence why he finds writing a safe space. The one person he found comfort in sharing all his fears with or embracing who he was is Nubsib, this is why his walls broke in shock realising that all Nubsib did was a lie. And really not going to lie Gene’s comments to Mhork about people assuming that because he’s a writer he’s an introvert did throw me, because I do see him as that, he has a lot of trust issues that’s what it seemed like to me, someone who doesn’t trust people, or like confronting or dealing with situations because he feels alienated or different from others, someone who doesn’t like being vulnerable with people because he’s afraid of it being used against him. That’s fine because when he’s angry at Nubsib those reasons make sense to me why he broke down in that way, it pulled on all of his hidden insecurities, all of his fears about never finding someone else that gets him, all of his worries that he was always being mocked or looked down upon that other people could tell he was different, that he was weird, that he didn’t feel comfortable with them.

 Because he’s meant to be like this when Nubsib’s truth gets unveiled, he’s going to be terrified, go through the panic attacks, go through the break downs and flooding of emotions that were hidden deep, this is why his reactions are extremely dramatic and intense.  That’s what I thought. But what Gene tells Mhok is that he only pulls away from people when he writes to focus, and that’s fine but it didn’t add up with how he acts with others when it comes to social situations, sure he’s polite, and sometimes agrees to go out and do something with others, but we can see he tends to feel stressed, uncomfortable and annoyed with how people behave, especially when it’s not what he feels like doing (this happens both as a child and also as an adult). The second confusing thing I had to process was that Gene is wealthy. I did mention in previous episodes that Nubsib and Gene have mirror characters with Hin mirroring Gene, and Aey mirroring Nubsib’s situation, however one of the differences between them and their mirrors is the idea of privilege and ease of life. Gene isn’t as desperate as Hin to be a writer because he doesn’t have to prove anything, he’s fully accepted at home, he’s immensely wealthy, has a writer mum to seek advise from, and most of his family support his dreams (will break down the father later), Hin has none of that, in fact he’s even more desperate to make it to writing by doing BL because he is suffering from lack of wealth and prominence in the industry. Nubsib is given semi permission to do whatever he wants, to change his name to do acting but he always has a place back home, he also as well has prominence and isn’t desperate either to have his acting dreams come through, because he can be protected and taken care of since he’s the heir of his father’s company. Aey has none of that, Aey’s family is toxic, forceful and abusive and he doesn’t have any choice but to cling to acting for freedom. You  seeing the similarities and use of mirroring in the show?

It’s really important because it again makes us understand why Gene and Nubsib are going to be probably victims of Hin and Aey who feel like they have no choice but to commit to their desperation and get rid of whatever will stop them. Gene and Nubsib don’t need to do that (though they have other problems) and instead actually take what they do a bit for granted, for example even if the BL industry is corrupted and Gene isn’t happy to write for it, he’s still making money, is being observed and talked about whilst Hin isn’t getting that and he wants to write BL authentically. It’s the same as Nubsib, although the industry makes him angry, he also takes for granted what he has, he’s not careful even when warned about how his actions with Gene could lead to the production of the show failing, he’s just set on Gene, again I agree with them but when you look at the fact that Aey has no choice but to be this way, to have the ship with Nubsib if he wants to survive and make it, Nubsib’s actions start to seem privileged, and selfish. This is why Lovely writer is a great show, none of the characters are all good, and none of them are all bad, it’s all about humans who have flaws and act like real life people with issues they need to grow from and learn from whilst dealing with the fear and pressure of the BL industry as a whole.

Again the villain of the show isn’t the characters it’s the industry its self, the system, the rules and the way things are done. That’s what the ultimate villains are here and also the traditional rules of society that entraps the characters (will get into this later).  Again the being rich and successful since his childhood might also explain why Gene doesn’t let people easily into his life, Gene may not trust people either because of his status, his family’s name, his reputation. Again it brings up the idea that he could be used when he’s vulnerable for something else and tricked and played with if people know his truths and insecurities and use them as weapons. You could also argue that Gene wants to run away from the rich things in life even though he is comfortable with how he lives (Plus he probably made enough money from Bad engineer to move out), it may also allude to Gene not wanting to be known for his father’s wealth and status, and the reason why he clings to writing so desperately is because he wants his own success, his own freedom, his own earnings from what he loves to do. One of the themes with all 4 characters especially Aey, Gene and Sib is Freedom, as much as ambition is important to them it’s because it’s the only way to get them to escape the life that they have been forced to grow up in  because of their parents, rules, obligations and demands. By finding their own paths, and clinging to it desperately they all find a space to breath, to be their true selves and have no chains holding them to other traditions, rules or jobs that they don’t want to be in.  

Fathers and their Traditions

Gene’s father seems like also a source of his insecurity in himself, he looks like he fills Gene’s head with worries and doubts and fear that he’s not doing what he’s meant to do. When the father suggests to Gene that he should return back home, I know that look on Gene’s face very well, it’s anxiety, worry and fake smile to find an excuse why that isn’t possible. Gene’s mind knows his father doesn’t approve even though he smiles and fakes his way of looking like he doesn’t mind who Gene is, what Gene does. But it’s starting to be clear the father is homophobic, in fact it’s so clear that he sends Gene of to boarding school when he’s 14 just because he thinks and fears that Gene may be queer, he also tries to bring Gene back home because it’s easier for him to stop Gene writing Bl then. In fact this is another theme of the episodes since we were introduced to Aey’s story, the mirroring of the fathers in the show. The fathers are starting to have a pattern, and it all points to tradition, obligations and conforming to societal norms.  All Nubsib, Gene and Aey have all ran away from home because of this pattern. They’ve all pulled away from their families to focus on their dreams, this also includes Hin though it’s unsure if his parents are as bad as the others or if they are supportive and understanding. Aey’s father is the most traditional and outspoken, hence he’s abusive, vile and obtuse with how he speaks to Aey. He chains his son down and punishes him because he tried to flee and find happiness and love (with a boy heaven forbid!) and when Aey’s lover wasn’t who he said he was, wasn’t faithful and and was a coward he uses that opportunity to constantly put shame and emotional abuse on Aey making him carry the burden and weight of the father’s manipulations, and making him feel alienated and alone with no one to trust. It’s disgusting and it was horrifying.  Now Gene’s father is different, also manipulative on the surface but doesn’t show it outright to his son who though has been imbedded with the same insecurities and self-deprecation when he thinks he’s not fulfilling what is seen as right/ traditionally normal.

This is probably why Gene does have these  secret avoidances of who he was for a while, because he already had a vibe from his father since the childhood days, he probably understood later that his dad intentions made him feel alienated from what he wanted to do, and what he felt comfortable with. This is why when his father keeps silent whilst others are praising his show, and book he notices but keeps silent, because he knows he will soon go back to writing in his own home comfortable and himself with Nubsib. Nubsib’s father is not yet introduced but from what we have heard of him, he also falls into the line of responsibility and obligation because Sib is going against his fathers wishes by choosing to chase after Gene and become an actor, he’s breaking away from the tradition in his family preparation to take over his father’s company. Likewise we see that when Sib was a child he was also like Aey abused by being forced to give into pressure of doing what is seen as right and appropriate for a rich child. He was abused by his piano teacher and his mum turned an eye, refused to listen to him and punished him each time he tried to be free from that. Again although Sib’s father isn’t there, his absence shows what his role is too, he felt just as stifled by his father as his mother and he wanted to get away from it all. Gene was his escape from that, from all the duties, obligations, and neglect. They found each other and both ran away to play in an imaginary world together,  this kickstarted Gene’s love for creativity and writing, but also kickstarted Sib’s devotion to Gene who paid attention and showed him love and care. So the parents are tied to this theme of entrapment, and force and order,  with closed mindsets, ignorance and old fashioned ideas about what real ambition is, they become obstacles to their children’s pursuit for purpose, freedom and love. They are also the second villains of the show because they represent that idea of society and it’s traditional conformist norms being a barrier to people’s liberty of self. A theme always readily explored in the BL genre.

MhokAey: Fantasy of Love vs Resentment of Trust

We need to discuss about Aey and Mhok. A lot has happened to them since I wrote my previous analysis. Including the whole reveal that what they are is more than just friends but it threads a line between unrequited and toxic requited feelings. There’s a lot of confusing feelings about them, a lot of angst and drama and hate and mistrust to do with their story. Mhok is at the center of this. I remember analysing his character using Bad engineer mirroring outline that he was like the character he plays Tawan, he’s also like a second lead romantic interest for Aey, he comes second but he’s devoted to making sure Aey is safe and he’s devoted to trying ensure Aey doesn’t snap or leave his humanity and morality behind. Mhok and Aey like Gene and Nubsib (surprise surprise they also mirror them, with same themes and ideas) have known each other since they were children, Aey was cruel and heartless at that time due to the pressures of the environment he was in (from the father’s pressure and Aey being submissive to his father’s wishes) because of this Aey seems to have been angry, hurtful and callous all the time, including to Mhok who watched him and feared for his state. However Aey later finds freedom and happiness as he falls in love with Time, Time makes Aey finally want to give up all the pressure and obligations and be himself, except Time wasn’t who he said he was and when Aey’s father posed an obstacle after Aey’s jealous sister outed him (though I think she’s not the only person behind this I’ll explain), Time ran away with the money they saved up and left Aey damaged, broken hearted and destroyed.

Sadly what happened next is Aey also found Mhok to be part of this family’s bretrayal, and so he avoided Mhok and thought Mhok is using him to try and be seen as a good son/son in law to his wealthy family. The reason is why would Aey think Mhok is to blame? Unless in doing something stupid as always to protect Aey, in maybe knowing Time wasn’t who he said he was, and in anguish of his unrequited love for Aey, Mhok is the one who outed Aey to Earn which then led tothe catalyst? Why not? We don’t know his role during the time, Time was in Aey’s life, for someone who seems utterly devoted and possessive and at times jealous about Aey’s love interests (this includes him being jealous each time Aey and Sib interact or kiss), Mhok in order to protect Aey, his goal by the way, probably told Earn to find a way to stop it from happening but Earn hated Aey and used it as an opportunity to kick him out and make him lose his beloved son status because she was jealous. This is why Mhok cannot speak up when the father berates Aey about Time because he’s the one who probably started it.

We see that for Aey’s safety and ensuring he doesn’t go too far with his anger and callousness, Mhok goes behind his back constantly warning others about Aey’s motives (this irked me because the way he describes Aey as like this monstrous scary creature makes me wonder why he would think Aey could trust what he sees in him as love). Mhok tells Gene to be careful of Aey, he takes the blame and says he would take the fall if anything happens, it shows that even though he says Aey is awful, he’s happy when Aey shows some sort of vulnerability or selflessness but it also shows he does love Aey unconditionally. But how can Aey trust Mhok if he is connected to the Time situation, if he doubts Mhok’s goals and he understands what Mhok thinks of him and says of him to others. Of course he wouldn’t trust Mhok because everyone makes Aey feel like a monster, his father does this every day, everyone says they know he’s awful, cruel and callous, they know he can hurt people, they tell him this, and Aey holds on to this, he believes this is how people see him and in order to survive and get what he wants he has to manipulate others and be seen as kind and vulnerable on the surface to not suffer the same pain he goes through with his family and the people who judge him on his past . See how Mhok’s unrequited love borders on toxicity as well?

In order to make Mhok suffer because of his thirst for vengeance, and his bitterness and pain of feeling betrayed by him Aey kisses Mhok and pulls away pretending to be unaffected. Of course he is like this, he’s filled with anger, hate and distrust of everyone his goal is to hurt the ones who hurt him even if he senses that there is an attraction, there is vulnerability and authenticity with himself when he’s with Mhok. There’s a weakness which is why he succumbed for a while with the kiss and the hug, Aey was in pain and some part of him trusted Mhok’s embrace, but it switched back because of fear. For Aey Love is a fantasy for him, because love has caused him nothing but pain, the only way he can use love now is to manipulate and escape the clutches of his family and survive and be free. Love isn’t the goal anymore, so he uses the fantasy of BL love which fans cling to, to make people love him, to make people praise him, and in order to do so he focuses on Gene as an obstacle to him and Nubsib’s fake relationship. Without Nubsib the show won’t be a success, if the show isn’t a success he’ll be seen as a failure and his father would be proven right, and without success he’d be left alone, tired, abandoned and betrayed. See why he’s more desperate than Nubsib when it comes to acting? Gene mocks BL and says it’s a fantasy of love, and with Aey he’s right, Aey uses the industry’s idealism of the corrupt fantasy of BL love to get his gain. But can you blame him? And is Mhok really doing right in his aim to protect Aey from going past the edge?

The reason why we get Gene’s mum talk about authentic LGBTQ movies and then have Gene say that BL shouldn’t be part of that is exactly what Tee is trying to call out as the director of the show. But Tee is using Lovely Writer to be a place for representation conversations, we have had conversations about internalised homophobia, coming out, sexuality, authenticity of relationships,  we’ve had consent shown by the main couple so Tee is very serious about representation and trying to make this show a medium where things are serious and done correctly. Yes Mhok and Aey are very toxic for now because even though they representing authenticity of love, because there is something they both can’t control that is connecting them to each other, they’ve known each other for so long and can’t help but be tied together because of those feelings. Mhok is devoted to Aey even though he acts opposite at times, but because he doesn’t know how to show love accurately, he fails repeatedly with how he tries to show love, trying to fit in the situation with logic but also trying to hide behind the scenes so he can keep an eye on Aey, on the situation, so he can have control over it. Mhok has certain stereotypical ideas about Aey imbedded from their childhood together making him know Aey is manipulative, cold and mean but despite the fact that he thinks this way, he just thinks Aey can have a chance to turn around and truly be happy by forgiving others and himself. Mhok knows he loves Aey for who he is but at the same time, he dislikes that Aey is morally grey and he wants to stop Aey from making more mistakes to himself, to protect everyone around Aey that may be hurt in the crossfire of his bitterness. Because Aey has been burned by the pressure and betrayal of the family dynamics he has, he becomes also without meaning to a version of the person he hates; his father, he becomes manipulative, sneaky, and aggressive with how he does things. It also makes sense that as he was suffocating when he was younger that he turned colder and meaner because he needed somewhere to let out the hurt and pressure of being the perfect child and perhaps Mhok really was hurt by this with that action. His character makes sense to me because it’s not okay but it’s understandable. Mhok knows Aey in and out, in fact he knows Aey’s family is toxic and so does what he does to show love by being  chameleon like and putting himself directly into the family, hiding to try and find a way to protect Aey from the dynamic, this is why Aey misunderstands that he’s trying to replace him and please the father, get into their good graces to take his place but Mhok is doing it for Aey.

The themes about trying to find out what’s authentic and what’s not, manipulation and masks in order to hide and be near the one they love mirrors Nubsib and Gene’s romance path too, this is why I said their outlines mirror each other, whilst Aey like Gene feels hurt by the fakery and feels mocked by the mask of Mhok/plans of Sib, Gene and Nubsib have managed to communicate and reach an understanding about the truth about their relationship.

The Authenticity of Lovely Writer

So there’s a theme/question about the fantasy of love for these two couples because at a point both Gene and Aey doubt that the love of their partners is real, they believe it’s a trick, fake, joke.  That they’re both doing this for power, to have control over their weakness and vulnerability to use that against them. Gene is weary about people but finds himself automatically willing to trust and understand Nubsib because of what he represents to him safety, comfort and warmth, and freedom. Aey on the other hand has become jaded with love and finds Mhok instead as his place to hold resentment, anger and pain for the past. No matter how much he wants to try and move on, try and hope for a better dynamic (as we saw he tried in episode 4),  they constantly shatter that hope and by episode 4 he’s done, and also includes Mhok with that memory. So Aey and Mhok are in a toxic state because there is no chance for communication, no revealings of truths, and Aey is in a broken mindset, resentful of himself, resentful of everyone, and resentful of love.

In a way the fantasy of love is a  perfect theme for Lovely Writer, since Gene is meant to learn that BL is only corrupt because own voices aren’t there to help write serious stories or avoid problematic tropes. As Gene falls in love with Sib, he realises that just because things may seem fake or shallow doesn’t mean that they are, you need to be open, to think about it in a different point of view, you need to also learn to accept the truths and overcome your prejudice and stigma with those things. It’s important to note that although Nubsib starts of using inauthentic means, his love for Gene is real, which is ultimately what Gene accepts in episode 7. It’s real and he should stop running away from what he’s feeling just because of old fears and worries that it’s wrong for him to be his true self and love what he loves. I hope we get to see Aey go through his own journey to this too, as he’s about to fall even more and regress with his anger and desperation, I hope Mhok does more than just sitting behind the scenes if he really wants his goal to be to save Aey from his self and resentment. Mhok needs to be braver, to show up and make Aey see the truth about what he feels, just like Sib did with Gene. Because at the end of the day if the love is authentic and true, Aey won’t be able to avoid the truth, Aey won’t be able to hide or run anymore like Gene was doing, Aey would want to start slowly hopefully stop seeing Love as just a fantasy but something real. Obviously we’re more half way through and this means the big guns are going to be out. It’s time to tackle the villains, to see them shed their skin and show their true colours, It won’t be easy and we may have some regressions because of fear but our couples will overcome it and find them selves through it, at the end of the day hopefully they end up getting their freedom, love and happiness. As for now I continue to love this show, and I continue to praise it’s depth and meta. Let me know your opinions on the episodes so far. What do you think about MhokAey and SibGene,who’s more pitiful? Let me know.