#even longer since I've posted anything about doing commissions

[yoinkschief]

If I did some "Your Character Here" Commissions for the Eddsworld crew, would you want to see it?

This would include 2 different poses/interactions between each of the four boys with a self insert :)

They would be in a similar style to the Eddsworld (OG/Beyond) style

Examples of my art and prices will be shown under the cut :)

Lineart

$5.00 No Background option available

Base Colors

$8.00 + $2.00 Simple Background

Simple/Cel Shading

$10.00 + $2.00 Simple Background

Better Shading

$12.00 + $2.00 Simple Background

These are examples and won't be used in the final product if I open up YCH commissions, these are simply references or examples of what they would look like if I did

Like I said, there would be two different versions of each EW crew member; one platonic and one romantic

That means there would be a set amount of slots I'd be able to fill up before they're genuinely just gone, but that means there's EIGHT slots so :)

[howtofightwrite]

Have you read GRRM books? He claims swords needed to be “especially designed for women’s hands” how true is this?

About as true as all of those, “girl guns.” Because, as you know, a woman cannot hold a Glock unless it's pink or sky blue. Which is to say, not even remotely true.

You might get a situation where a child would be unable to operate a weapon designed for adults because the grip is too cumbersome, but even this is going to be something of an outlier. Even years later the Nicholas Cage's line from Lord of War (2005) sticks with me, when describing the AK he narrates, “...so simple a child could use it, and they do.”

Just like basically any other common grip you encounter in your daily life, from screwdrivers to steering-wheels and cell phones, selling smaller, or more colorful ones, is strictly a marketing gimick.

Now, is a legitimate context, but it doesn't really have anything to do with the wielder's sex. If they had the money, the time, and the desire for a perfect grip, they might commission a smith to produce a grip specifically for their hand. Though, the only place I've ever come across this was in competitive fencing. I have seen cases where someone modifies their blade's grip with tape or other materials to better fit their hand, or the addition of a leather (usually shagreen) wrap over their grip, but even that is somewhat unusual. (Shagreen is leather from a shark or ray, and it grips the skin, making it easier to hold, especially when wet.)

Ironically, girl guns do illustrate the one case where have some weight: Weapons as fashion accessories.

I know I've complained about weapons (particularly handguns) as fashion accessories in previous posts, but the truth is that using weapons like this is not new behavior. In the early modern era, one of the ways the rising middle class liked to display their status was with a sidearm. (In this case, referring to a sidesword or, later, a rapier.) I've looked specifically into women carrying sidearms at that point in history, but it really would not surprise me in the least if they did, and if there were, that at least some of those swords were specifically designed to be more delicate and, “feminine,” per their owner's tastes. (Though, to be fair, a more delicate grip on a rapier would be fairly impressive, as the grips tend to be pretty thin.) This is a case where you might want to look into it further, if it really catches your interest, but I've never really run this down before.

If you're still dubious, feel free to wander into nearly any HEMA event, and you'll have a better than average chance of a woman being willing to prove this idea false with a Zweihander, that may in fact be taller than she is. (Historically, Zwiehanders could be over 2 meters long, and chances extremely good that you're shorter than 2 meters.)

I know I'm regurgitating previous posts here, but it really is worth remembering that swords are much lighter than people think. Zweihanders are some of the heaviest battlefield swords from history, and even the heaviest examples weigh less than 9lbs. Women in HEMA can, and do, use them effectively. Swords aren't about being big and heavy, they're about being a (in this case) seven foot long razor blade.

Since we're on the Zweihander specifically (and this may also apply for some of the other greatswords, such as the Scottish Claymore), this is a case where you might have a custom weapon forged for you. However, in this case, that's more about the right blade length, then worrying about the grip being too thick or too thin. Ideally, you want the blade length to match your height (roughly), this is because of the drills with the weapon itself, though you could adjust to a longer blade if that's what you had.

Now, to be clear, the idea of someone, particularly a noble, having a blade custom forged for them specifically isn't strange. That's something that did happen, both at the noble's request, and also as diplomatic gifts from other nations. Examples of the latter resulted in beautiful art pieces that you would never take into battle.

If you had a situation where you couldn't use a sword because the grip was too large (for, whatever reason), there are ways to fix that. In an ideal situation, you could simply pop off the pommel and grip, and then replace the grip with one that was a better fit to your hand. If the tang itself was the problem (this is the metal core of the grip, and is part of the blade, which the pommel attaches to), you might be able to shave (or file) down the tang, and then replace the grip with a new one, fitted to the now smaller tang. I'm not particularly wild about modifying the tang directly, simply because there is a (minor) risk of reducing the structural integrity of the sword in the process. Though, replacing the grip (especially on a sword with a threaded pommel) is very doable, and unless someone, somehow, screws up catastrophically, it should be a pretty trivial modification. (Again, replacing a sword's original grip with a new shagreen grip does make a lot of sense if the owner wants that improved grip.)

But, to the original question, it's not really a thing.

-Starke

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[herzspalter]

Since I've been talking about it here and have been asked about it, I want to give you all a short health update. The short version is, we've finally figured out why I'm so fatigued, and unfortunately, it's not gonna go away, and I can no longer do as much art as I want to.

I want to keep this short: Very basically, most of you know that I've been struggling with fatigue for over two years now, and that every doctor's been telling me that I'm actually perfectly healthy, even though I'm clearly not.

Now, after a year of running to different doctors in vain, I've been diagnosed with Crohn's Disease. This explains not only my fatigue, but also my funky digestive issues, bizarre eye inflammation and other stuff I've had for a while and just thought heal on its own eventually.

Since it's a chronic disease, it won't go away, but we hope that it'll at least get a bit better once this flare up has been treated. What this means for me, is that I can never go back to drawing for hours as I used to. As much as that hurts me, I have to come to terms with it. I want to put my time into finishing commissions now, and dedicating the energy I do have into my comic project, and anything else like fanart and other doodles is going to be completely up to the spurts of energy I occasionally get.

It's nothing new, you all know how little I've been posting over the last year and longer, but now we at least know why. I'm still here ofc, nothing really changes, I just have to adjust my personal life and get used to this.

I'm okay, the people treating me are very kind and helpful, and while I am genuinely very upset at the prospect of likely never feeling fully awake again, I am too relieved to finally have closure and start treatment to be sad right now. Gonna have to move forward, there's no other choice anyway.

Thank you for reading, and thank you for being patient with me. I'm a private person and I don't like sharing too much about medical shit on here, but I know lots of you struggle with fatigue too and had asked me about my progress in the past, and I wanted to make sure that you know the conclusion to that whole odyssey <3

Love you all, take good care, I wish you the Best!

[gimmethatagustd]

Hi Jaiiii 💕💕 So I wasn't going to send a spooky drabble request since I'm usually super bad at coming up with ideas and you're already writing my one and only wish - weird fairy outfit Jungkook - but theeeen something came over me and I may have made a moodboard...

To me this is giving siren! jimin x human! taehyung but you can totally take whatever element that inspires you from it and do your own thing!! Fluff, smut, angst, you know I'm always open to reading anything from you, so go wild. I hope this gives you something to work with because I had fun making it! Love youuu 💞💞💞

the wind speaks | kth + pjm

Something's living under the dock at the Kim family's beach house.

○ Pairing: Human!Taehyung x Siren!Jimin

○ Rating: Mature/18+

○ Genre: Supernatural, "friends" to "lovers", angst, yandere

○ 2 / 100 Drabble Challenge (Mermaid)

○ Word Count: 2,313

○ Warnings: Emotional manipulation, Jimin is supernaturally alluring so that makes the whole thing very questionable, potential drowning and major character death? perhaps? 👀 it's an ambiguous ending so who knows!

○ Notes: Hi Ivi bby, I hope you didn't think I forgot about your AMAZING moodboard 🥹 I really need to commission you to make all my moodboards for me cuz I'm seriously obsessed with this one. It gave me so many ideas and it fit perfectly with my 100 Drabble Challenge. I hope you like what I've come up with, even tho it's a lil bit intense jhskjdfs 💜 ily

○ Post Date: January 4, 2024

○ Masterlist | Send me ur thots

○ What was Jai listening to? A spooky siren Spotify playlist

“Taehyung-ah! You have two hours before dinner, okay?” 

“Yes, eomma!” 

“Don’t make me have to come find you!” 

“Yes, eomma!” Taehyung calls out before closing the sliding glass door to their deck. 

The Kim family beach house sits just behind the sand dunes separating the beach from the homes lining the streets of their quiet town. The homes are nothing special, just boxy buildings with large windows built on high foundations to protect from flooding. The residents’ real treasures are boats, and the Kim dock is where Taehyung heads. 

Taehyung’s fluffy hair whips in the cool autumn wind during his trek through the cleared walkway between the dunes leading to the beach. Reaching the sand, the toes of his boots darken as he trudges through it. All morning, it rained, making the sand clump like wet dirt. Slimy seaweed and other debris cake the shoreline, so Taehyung carefully walks along the beach. 

The Kim dock isn’t anything fancy. Taehyung’s father built it himself out of wood he cut, sanded, and treated with his bare hands years ago. They keep their small fishing boat anchored to it – Singularity, named by Taehyung. He didn't know what to say when his parents asked him what it meant. He couldn’t outright admit that the word came to him in whispers in the wind when he sat at the edge of the dock, feet kicking in the air above the water. Taehyung has told one too many stories in the past; his parents are tired of hearing about his conversations with the wind. They said he would grow out of it, but Taehyung is freshly twenty, no longer a child, yet the wind still speaks. 

It’s cold without the sun to chase away the rain clouds. Taehyung zips his windbreaker up to the base of his throat and crouches at the edge of the dock to peer out at the ocean. The water is clouded from the rain kicking up the sandy floor.

“Hi,” Taehyung speaks to the wind and hopes it remembers. 

He left his phone at home, so he has no way of knowing how long he waits. The dock is rain-soaked, but his thighs burn from crouching. He opts for kneeling and shivers when his jeans absorb water at the knees.

“My Tae?” 

“Yes!” Taehyung perks up, eyes searching the horizon where the gray sky meets the murky ocean waters. He never sees anything; it’s just the wind. He looks anyway. 

“Where have you been, my Tae?” The wind sounds disappointed, and guilt makes Taehyung shrink further into his jacket like a frightened animal backed into a corner. 

“I’m sorry. I go to college now,” Taehyung admits sheepishly, “Far from here, so I can only visit during school breaks.” 

Waves lap at the legs of the dock. Sometimes, Taehyung thinks he sees things in the water, shadows bigger than the fish he catches off the dock in the summers. His father insists that the water is too shallow for large fish like sharks, but Taehyung doesn’t believe him. 

“I miss my Tae when he isn’t around…” 

Is it possible for a voice to be addicting? Taehyung swears the wind’s voice calms him. It’s silvery and alluring, a lullaby he could find himself falling into. He imagines himself falling asleep on a note, riding the soundwaves of the wind’s voice, ringing pure and cutting through the splash of waves meeting the dock. Sometimes, he wishes the wind would sing to him, knowing it would be a kind of heaven on earth if it did. 

“I miss you, too. It’s hard making new friends. I can’t just talk to them about anything like I can with you.” He closes his eyes and feels the wind kiss each eyelid.

“You are my only friend,” the wind whispers, sounding so close that Taehyung thinks he can feel the wind swirl against the side of his face. 

The air smells stronger now, a mixture of saltwater and petrichor. A cold front must be approaching. Taehyung worries it may rain again, but he doesn’t open his eyes to check. Something tells him not to, that it’s safer if he keeps them closed, though he doesn’t know why he’d need to be kept safe. Safe from what? The wind? 

“Open your eyes, Taehyung,” the wind whispers softly, alluring, a temptation so sweet that Taehyung feels himself falling into it, “See me.” 

“I’m scared,” Taehyung whimpers with a shiver. He tucks his hands between his thighs and holds his breath when he feels something caress his jaw, a light pressure like an index finger trailing from his earlobe to his chin. 

“Why are you scared? I love you, my Tae.” The light touch sweeps back along his jaw and then trails down Taehyung’s throat until the collar of his jacket stops it. His wind loves him. “I would never hurt you. Now open your eyes.” 

Cold hands gently cradle Taehyung’s face, palms to his cheeks. The hands are soft, slightly damp, and very much real. The wind can’t have hands, he tells himself. The wind is just wind. Taehyung’s stomach churns, tumbling like it does when his father’s boat hits a patch of rocky waves, sending fish flopping onto the bed of the boat and making Taehyung’s boots slide against the aluminum. 

With his heart fluttering like a caged hummingbird, Taehyung slowly opens his eyes. 

The wind is not air, but a young man with eyes a murky green like the sea who stares at Taehyung with parted glossy lips. Taehyung catches a glimpse of sharpened teeth behind those luscious lips, but he can’t focus on only one thing when there is so much of the man to take in. His shockingly white hair is messily braided with strips of seaweed and strings of pink pearls and draped over his shoulder – his naked shoulder – and Taehyung realizes the man is shirtless. Little jewels, pearls, and other shimmery gems decorate the man’s chest, outlining his sides until they reach his waist – covered in green scales that gleam despite the lack of sun. Taehyung inhales sharply when his eyes finally land on the sparkly fishtail draped over the side of the dock. 

“I–” Panic swells in Taehyung’s chest. He gasps as though he’s been pulled underwater, the moisture in the air like the ocean in his lungs. “Who, who are you?”

“I am your wind, Taehyung,” the man says with a small smile. When he slides one hand up Taehyung’s face to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear, he makes a sound like a cat purring. “But in the water, I am called Jimin.” 

“Jimin,” Taehyung whispers. Jimin. It is such a soft name; Taehyung likes how his lips pucker when he says it. “Why didn’t you ever tell me your name? Why didn’t you show yourself to me?” 

Jimin gives Taehyung a sad smile. “I was scared, too.” 

Taehyung’s heart still beats frantically in his chest, but he calms down as Jimin plays with his hair, caressing and running his fingers through the strands. Jimin calls out Taehyung’s name, whispering it like a secret only they know, “My Tae, my sweet Tae, my precious Taehyungie, so happy to finally touch you.” 

Taehyung finds himself closing his eyes and leaning into Jimin’s touch, letting out a quiet whimper when Jimin lightly scratches his scalp. Hypnotizing – the word bubbles up to the surface of Taehyung’s mind, his thoughts murky like the water beneath the dock. The wind, Jimin, is hypnotizing. 

“Why?” Taehyung asks without explanation, but Jimin knows everything. 

“I want to keep you.” 

“Hmm?” Taehyung lifts his head, realizing he has rested it on Jimin’s shoulder. It’s comfortable in Jimin’s embrace, even though Taehyung’s pants are thoroughly soaked from rain and ocean water, and Jimin’s scales feel strange under his fingers when he skips them along Jimin’s waist. 

“I want to keep you, my Tae. I can’t let you go.” 

“Keep me where?” Taehyung asks with glossy round eyes. He points to the waves lapping at the dock. “In there?” 

Jimin licks his lips, and Taehyung feels his stomach churn and dip like the climax of a rollercoaster or a freefall from a plane. 

“Yes.” Jimin runs his thumb along the apple of Taehyung’s cheek. His touch is just as soothing as it is terrifying; Taehyung can’t comprehend how that is. “Will you come with me?” 

Taehyung can’t. He can’t survive in the ocean; doesn’t his wind know that? 

But there’s still the pull. The source of it sinks lower until it’s tugging at Taehyung’s belly, making him heat up despite the temperature quickly dropping around them. It’s almost night; he’s unsure if he has already missed dinner or if his mother is searching for him. Looking over his shoulder, he sees nothing– hears nothing but the chirp of gulls and the crash of waves. 

“Taehyung.” 

Jimin’s fingers curl around Taehyung’s chin and force Taehyung to face him again. The color of his eyes seems to have darkened with the sky, a light gray now when it was once green. 

Taehyung’s name sounds so pretty, coming from Jimin’s pillowy lips, lips glossy and pink like the pearls in his hair, and the gems decorating his body. 

Taehyung feels the pull, and he wonders if it’s Jimin giving him sealegs, even though they’re both sitting down. Something is terrifying about his beauty, something uncanny, like an android that looks a little too real, or the feeling you get when you realize a photograph is actually a painting – still beautiful but deceptive. There’s something scary about Jimin that Taehyung can’t fully understand before it slips through his fingers like sand. 

Taehyung wants to kiss him. 

“I want to kiss you,” he says, not knowing why he admits it out loud. He can’t stop himself from leaning into Jimin when he pulls Taehyung against him. 

“My sweet Tae,” Jimin murmurs into Taehyung’s mouth. 

Jimin’s tongue is slippery and tastes like saltwater, but it’s warm and deft as it flicks against Taehyung’s lips and slithers along Taehyung’s tongue. His hands tangle in Taehyung’s hair, yanking his head to the side to deepen the kiss. It’s fast and desperate, Taehyung moaning and gasping into Jimin and Jimin taking it with bites to Taehyung’s lips and groans of his own. Taehyung has never been kissed like this, held so gently but ravaged. His lungs burn as he drowns in his wind. 

Taehyung groans when Jimin releases his mouth to suck on his neck, just above his jacket’s collar. Taehyung can do nothing but let Jimin pull his head back, and he watches the stars come into view when he’s laid flat on his back. Water soaks his hair, making the strands turn black, and Taehyung’s body shivers from the cold. Only his torso is relatively dry. 

“Jimin,” Taehyung calls out, voice gravelly, nearly stuck in the back of his throat. “I can’t.” 

I can’t survive in the ocean, he thinks, and can’t speak because Jimin suddenly straddles his thighs. 

“Stay with me, Taehyung,” Jimin pleads, but it’s spoken with an authority Taehyung can’t imagine disobeying.

“Your legs,” Taehyung chokes and tries to push himself up on his elbows. 

Gone is Jimin’s elegant tail. He has legs now, pretty legs with a smattering of green scales at his hips and along his calves. Jimin grips Taehyung’s hips with fingers that are greenish at the tips. His nails are sharpened into points and dig into his skin, even through his jacket.

“If you will not stay with me, let me give my Tae a gift,” Jimin whispers, his eyes sparkling like the ocean under the moonlight. 

Taehyung nods quickly and squirms beneath him. “Something to remember you until I can visit again?”

Jimin licks his lips, eyes boring into Taehyung’s, and Taehyung gets another glimpse of sharp teeth. He rakes his nails down Taehyung’s body, from his hips to the tops of his thighs. Taehyung hears the denim rip and fray, but Jimin’s nails don’t break his skin. 

“You’ll never forget me, my Tae.” 

“Of course not,” Taehyung pants with a heaving chest. He feels wild, an animal taunted by the rattle of his ribs when Jimin suddenly shakes him. 

“Your gift,” Jimin whispers as he leans forward, walking his green-tipped fingers up Taehyung’s torso until they’re hooked around his shoulders. 

“My gift…” 

Taehyung watches Jimin’s eyes change, shifting from gray to bright white, and his pupils turn into pinpoints. 

“My heart is pierced by Cupid; I disdain all glittering gold,” Jimin sings softly as he yanks Taehyung into a sitting position and straddles his lap, “There is nothing can console me, but my jolly sailor bold.” 

The song sounds familiar, but Taehyung doesn’t know why. The memory sits on the tip of his tongue and dances to the haunting tune of Jimin’s cadence, just out of Taehyung’s grasp. He finds that it doesn’t matter – not the memory, nor anything else. 

“His hair, it hangs in ringlets, his eyes as black as coal. My happiness attend him wherever he may go.” 

Taehyung’s head lolls to the side. He no longer holds it up, just lets Jimin’s warm palms squeeze his cheeks to keep him upright. He goes where Jimin moves him, tips his head backward when Jimin wants to stare into his eyes. 

“From Tower Hill to Blackwall, I'll wander, weep, and moan, all for my jolly sailor, until he sails home.”

Jimin’s nails puncture Taehyung’s jacket. He hooks his fingers through the material as he wraps his legs around Taehyung’s waist. Before Taehyung has the chance to do anything but let out a startled gasp, Jimin falls backward into the water, taking Taehyung with him. 

There is no splash when their bodies slip past the ocean’s surface, only bubbles that pattern the otherwise still waters. The waves no longer lap against the Kim family’s dock. The wind no longer speaks. 

@jooniesxbby @taegeum

Disclaimer: All my writing is fictional and for entertainment purposes only. None of these characters are meant to actually represent the real people mentioned in the stories. 

All rights reserved © @gimmethatagustd​ - Do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my writing. Do not use my writing for any AI purposes whatsoever. Do not use my fics for anything aside from reading and commenting on them. My fics will only be posted on this Tumblr and on AO3 (gimmethatagustd & daddytaehyungie). Request an AO3 account here.

[hpysprkl]

Spark's Art Commissions

Commisions are: CLOSED (waitlisting)

What I Draw

All Fallout, all the time. I've played every Fallout in existence (except that Tactics/BoS bullshit) and I love them all - yes, even 76. Fair warning: I'm less well-versed in Fallout 1 & 2, what with it having been a couple decades since I played either.

Interested in non-Fallout art? Doesn't hurt to ask.

Who I Draw

Your Fallout OCs and fave companions. As long as it's a character I can find enough reference for online, I'm good.

Looking for more examples of my work? Here they are.

Prices (USD)

More details on terms, what I will and won't draw, what I need from you, etc below the cut.

Payment is currently only available through PayPal. I'm looking into other payment options, such as Ko-Fi.

What I need from you

your faceclaim(s). If they're not someone I can easily google, I will need a few clear photos from different angles. Don't have a faceclaim for your OC yet? This is a great place to start looking

in-game screenshots are sometimes useful, so include those as well if they look anything like your OC. I will always prefer real human reference though, so please give me a faceclaim!

basic details: height, build, age, hair color/texture/style, eye color, identifying marks, etc etc etc. For companions, give me your headcanons on any details not provided in-game (or if you headcanon something differently), or I'll use my own if you don't have any

what outfit(s) they wear. If it's vanilla/Creation Club/Atomic Shop, just the in-game outfit names will usually do (i'll tell you if I need more)

any personality traits, background info, or quirks you want to share are absolutely GREAT and help me breathe a little more life into a character

if I'm drawing them with a companion, tell me a little about their dynamic

Will draw:

your Fallout OCs

their companion(s) (including ghouls)

weapons

some blood/gore/injury

sfw romantic content

Difficult areas:

curly hair - I'm trying, I'm learning, but it's harder and might take me longer

Super Mutants - haven't tried yet, but it can't be that hard

artistic nudity/pinups: I'm really out of practice, I make no guarantees

Won't draw:

anything racist/queerphobic/transphobic/bigoted/etc

minors

backgrounds. There's a reason this is a serparate, specialized job in animation and comic studios

nsfw romantic/sexual content (I don't have a problem with it, it's just way outside my wheelhouse. I'm learning.)

excessive blood/gore/injury (again, outside my wheelhouse)

creatures (same reason)

IMPORTANT STUFF

What you get

high-resolution digital art (A4/8x12" at 200dpi for busts, minimum of 12x12" at 200dpi for half body and up) suitable for printing for personal use only

If you'd like me to crop you an isolated closeup of a character for use as a profile pic, I'm happy to do so at no extra charge

my work always includes my signature watermark; you may not remove or modify it

you're not required to credit me if you share it on social media, but of course I very much appreciate it if you do, and a link back to my tumblr along with it will earn you my undying love and gratitude

What you DON'T get

the right to modify, redistribute, sell or in any way profit from the work or products derived from the work (you can share it on your socials or post it with your fanfic and that sort of thing, but you can't sell stuff or give things away with my art on it). If you are interested in licensing for prints, stickers, or any other digital or physical merchandise (even not-for-profit), please let me know so we can discuss licensing terms. The 'no redistribution' rule does include gifting. If you're interested in, for example, printing stickers with my art of your OC to hand out at comic con or something, please contact me.

copyright/intellectual property rights. It's still my original artwork. As such, I am free to modify and distribute it in any way I see fit, including for profit.

[willowsallen]

nataliegate 2023.

firstly, i want to start this by saying this is a safe space if anybody has felt they've been victimized by natalie. this is for any issue - if you're not indigenous, i ask that you don't mention the indigenous issues! this entire thing has opened up all the things that you guys have experienced related to her and i think it's only fair for you to have your peace, as well. in saying that, just know this entire thing stemmed from natalie claiming she was indigenous since around 2016 (i believe) and should remain the main issue (i.e. not starting a discussion within the tags and sending anons all over about anything other than the main issue). but with this, she has now deactivated her blog and left the rpc, so please feel free to come to me and discuss how she's hurt you - because chances are i've had similar issues!

i just want to say what i need to say and i want you all to know natalie was my real friend (i thought). we followed each other on all real-life social media, besides fb, i felt we built an indigenous community together, and she was somebody i felt i could go to if there was ever an issue. this isn't rpc drama, this has affected me personally. i'm unsure if any other indigenous people have had a close relationship with her, as well, but for me, she was the first one i ever had. ever. in real life or online. this feels like a real friendship has ended and i'm doing what i can to move on.

natalie was the first indigenous friend i remember making on this blog. i've been on this specific blog for 6 years, i believe, and ever since i can remember, she has not only been a staple in the indigenous rpc but also the first person i remember connecting with on that level. a brief overview of our friendship goes from being mutuals, not necessarily talking very often, to then talking all the time (for most of the years), creating an indigenous people's server together, speaking about issues within rps that we've approached and talked with and rps that have been continuously problematic and we've had to post publicly.

we've talked about our culture, being white passing, reconnecting, issues within the rpc (and world, frankly) related to indigeneity, and all of our struggles. then we simply drifted off a bit in relation to speaking all the time - i'm unsure of what was going on in natalie's life these past few months, as i had taken a subconscious step back from the rpc to deal with my own life, sometimes make gifs, and speak to my commissions people. then, this entire thing came out and i reached out to natalie privately. up front, i will say of course i don't condone what has been done. we will no longer be friends (though i'm sure she made that decision first) and i will not accept any form of "but what if's" about the situation or her.

in reaching out, i asked if she was okay. i will not be posting screenshots as of now. she explained, in short, that she didn't know what was happening, she was blind-sighted, and was taking time to breathe, in a sense. from the beginning of my messages to her, i told her that only she "knows" one way or another what's true. if she's indigenous, then she has the information she needs to "prove" she's indigenous (which is a horrible way to say it but at that point in time, it was what it was) and told her even i don't know what to make of the situation.

she did not give me any explanation, a long message, or "proof"* for me to have her back, help her, and stand by her side. the few messages i got from her back were saying she blocked tumblr (then unblocked to speak to nikki @nikkiitalks - sending a 23 screenshot long message) and then reblock it. she ended up later on, unprompted, sending me copy/paste messages she was also sending lauren @tifffanyvalentine, even when we did not ask for information, or say the same things as each other. it was continuous copy/paste.

*when i speak about "proof" - always put in quotations because i don't mean it in the colonizer way of "if you're not x% you're not indigenous" but more so when speaking to her i asked for "something" for me to back her up. i meant more so specifics, like something that isn't just "my grandmother said", if that makes sense. because i'd undoubtedly believed her fully until this and her not speaking to me through this entire thing (somebody i thought would come to me), or saying anything other than "i can't believe this is happening" is not entirely convincing. i'm sure other indigenous people would react in different ways, but through talking with some in the rpc, we were all able to speak about things in a way that would completely eradicate the argument those other blogs (the ones that posted screenshots of natalie's life) tried to make. i didn't mean harm in "proving" anything, simply to give some reassurance!

the last message she sent me (and lauren) is as follows: "i've deactivated my blog for my mental health, left indigenousrph before doing so so hopefully that doesn't disappear, but you and ari (who i will be letting know) will have full control on what you want to do about it. i will probably be taking a break from discord as well, if i ever even decide to re-join discord. deactivating is something i've been thinking of since yesterday, and it is fully my choice i went with. i am sorry."

my reply to this was long, i'll spare this already extensive post, and stated that i asked her why she didn't come to me? if she "knows" she's indigenous, why didn't she just send ME information* that helps me to back her up? what was the issue? i didn't understand why she did what she did (not letting me / other indigenous peoples help her) when it could've been avoided altogether. i sent that at 5:27pm yesterday and have not received a reply.

*please check aforementioned paragraph about "proof" as this is the "information" i meant.

natalie had continuously made me uncomfortable, but not scared. i did not get the brunt of what she's done, as i've seen other people posting about her, but do understand the feeling. i'm a member of indigenousrph and the first time i decided to answer a post - this post - about can we use pretendians if we use them as their real ethnicity? i posted it. she messaged me on discord asking if she can add on. which then she did. her message contradicts mine. i'm of the mind: this is rp. unless somebody is an actual racist, abuser, etc. they're fine. even booboo stewart being played as an asian man, that's okay with me. but she had to be the voice for the indigenous, she would not allow me to have my own.

or if an opinion i made in the indigenous server we had did not match up to her standards, she would publicly disagree and then come to me in private. we've had "arguments" before. nothing vicious, but she made it well known what she believed (made it seem like it was fact) and that i should be the one to change my mind. i always had to placate her, to appease her. and not for nothing, she stated she started reconnecting after high school (or college?) unsure of the date. i've been reconnecting since i was 14/15. i'm 27, about to be 28 in november. i'm not saying i "know more" i'm saying i have more experience living as an indigenous person, period.

i have uplifted her, supported her, listened to her, and helped her through many things. and she has done the same to me. this is not an rpc issue - this is an issue that happened in the rpc. this hurt is real. i lost a friend. i trusted somebody who had been lying the entire time about something that is one of the most important things in my life. my identity, our identity. i hope this isn't something you see and the take away is "don't believe indigenous people" or "always question indigenous people" or not take us seriously when we speak, answer questions, write guides, or call anti-indigenous things out. this is a one in a million thing that happened, please remember that.

this is almost the end! i wanted to thank the ally's that came to me directly, privately, to show their support without taking away from the issue. @madelyncilne (el, my bestest friend of all time, you know how i feel), @dinadenoires (taylor, you're such an amazing person you don't even know the support you give to me, especially during this time), drea (who is no longer in the rpc, but whom i've become very close with and think of her as a friend i can turn to when i need to, has been backing me up since this whole thing started), @maidavika (serre, you've been updated on this entire thing and no matter what i said, you couldn't believe this was actually happening - you were validating me and supporting me throughout), @silverduckie (katie, you were the very first non-indigenous person to reach out to me and ensure i was doing okay when you didn't have to and i thank you immensely), @katherine-mcnamara (dev, even though you were thrown into this, you've shown nothing but kindness to me and to the indigenous community consistently), @rey1x1 (rey, i thank you for checking in when i was leaving servers, even though i didn't think anybody would notice, and for your compassion offered to me), @gordonramsei (emily, even when you had your own "drama" going on, you still were able to come ask me how i was doing).

i wanted to give this space to the indigenous people who have banded together during this time (specifically to me, i know there's others out there!) @ladysgodiva (rosie, for being my ride or die, my cousin, my rez dog when needed, i can always turn to you for the laughs and to say the hard things that need to be said), @tifffanyvalentine (lauren, you have no idea how much i love you dude, we've bonded so much and shared so many real experiences together), @quietanarchy (beau, loving that you're so straightforward and are able to be so open about your own experience and lift us all up), @nikkiitalks (nikki, i've always thought of you as a mother figure - not because you're OLD! but because that's the kind of comforting energy you bring, especially towards me whether you know it or not), @heartbsl (tk, for being an honorary indian member even though you're kānaka maoli, you know exactly what we're going through and have been nothing short of amazing this entire time).

thank you all for checking in. i won't apologize that this is long because it's what i needed to say, but thank you for taking the time and for standing with indigenous peoples.

[freakin-edikan]

Help Dusty Get out of Florida Fund

Hello. I'm Dusty. I moved back home with my parents after school because I couldn't afford to stay in NYC and they refused to help pay for me to stay up there while I was looking for work. My parents stress me out, it sucks and I hate it here. I'm trying to move back to NYC where 1) most of my friends are and 2) I can visit my brother more easily if I need help with something. I take commissions if you want me to draw something (please ignore the music commissions, I don't think I can do those right now) and I think my prices are pretty low. Links below, sob story under the cut

vnmo: @freakin-edikan cshapp: $freakinedikan Paypal me Commission post

My goal is $3300. 0/3300

My parents piss me the hell off and I want to leave. They say they're not stopping me from doing anything but there are so many "soft" restrictions it's basically total control. I can't leave the house because the county's transit sucks shit, I don't have a house key, and I don't have a license (and even if I did, I wouldn't have a car). I have no mental health provider so I've been rationing out my ADHD meds. But even if I did, I'd have no way to get there because I don't have a car. My dad was supposed to get me a bike with a lock but he didn't. He wants to teach me to drive but he's 1) never home bc he works (obviously? how would that work) and 2) when he tried to teach me in 2019 he wasn't helpful at all and was always yelling or almost yelling at me. But he also doesn't want me to get lessons from an outside agency. I keep getting pushed to take some retail or food service job which I know will burn me out so much I'll barely be able to focus on anything else. And I wouldn't be able to get there because I have no transportation. And because I don't clean the whole house or cook every meal I'm seen as "neglecting aspects of life." Meanwhile dad will eat up all the food and not buy groceries or he'll ask me to buy groceries. Even though I don't have an income or a car or a license. Also my dad got mad at me and did this to my door on Friday

and has the audacity to eat the food I bought for me and my friends with my own money. For my birthday. He's been eating my birthday food. Also the door no longer closes.

I am tired of having to play nice around my dad's volatile anger, which I've put up with since I was in elementary school. My parents paid for me to do a lot of things, which I appreciate. However, they also have repeatedly called me names, they interact with my hobbies with thinly-veiled contempt, they play passive aggressive when they're mad at me in front of guests, and they used to hit me all throughout K-12. They constantly frame their obligations to me as purely financial, they think they have no responsibility to be emotionally supportive or uplifting, but they also want me to baby their feelings and lie about how they treated me while accusing me of making up my mental issues for attention and sympathy. My dad keeps talking about how old and frail he is and how he could die any minute now and where I'm at is that I do not care and if/when he dies I will not be there. I'm literally sick of this behavior and they acted like this in 2019 when they were supposed to be taking care of me after I was hospitalized for attempting suicide. I'm still not over that and yet they're annoyed at me for being disorganized/scatterbrained, stressed out, and depressed.

[waywardsalt]

Can you please tell more about your redeemed Bellum that hangs around with the main cast in post-canon? Or, like, your hum!Bellum ideas in general?

Ooooh, I have a lot I could say about Bellum. I'll go a bit off this ask and just talk about him in the context of post-ph and some other aus, since he's fun and because most of them share the common thread of him being in human form often. This will probably be messy, but I'll divide it into sections to force myself to stick to one topic at once to keep this from devolving into what might as well be a transcript of a discord dms infodump.

(there should be a keep reading just under here- there are a few thousand words under the cut- if it's lower than it should be then idk, even while drafting this i had issues with it moving further down than i put it)

Human Bellum Basics (mostly design stuff)

It's less of a human Bellum au sort of thing, and more like a design for what if Bellum had a human form that he could change into. Kind of like Oshus having his human form while actually being a whale, it's the idea that Bellum can switch between his human form and his demon form at will, and I have spent... way, way too long trying to figure out this design.

I can't quite remember why I decided to give Bellum a human form (could've been anything from doing it for the hell of it to for shipping purposes) and it took AGES to decide on his final design.

Describing it would take a few paragraphs, so there's art! Commission pieces by @roskii specifically, he's great, he did great, check him out. (i dont know how to make these smaller :)))))) enjoy)

Half of it is directly taken from his demon design, he keeps the tentacles (not always present, he manifests them at will and tend to have much less reach when he's human), his eye, his teeth, his hair color (kind of), and half of it is more... brought in by ideas related to Bellum in general, with some vague references to that demon design; specifically him being scarred all over is a mixture of the idea of him as a violent and almost warlike creature, while also vaguely referencing the markings on his demon body (in the earliest drawing I ever did of a human Bellum design, he did just straight-up have those markings. That picture no longer exists, I'm sure).

As a basic reference, I suppose, in the second image, the character to the right of Bellum (Damien Fletcher) is an oc of mine, and therefore a character I designed (totally worth mentioning tho that with both Damien and Bellum while I did technically design them and gave roskii my notes for how they look, he also took some small liberties with their designs and... ugh theyre great im keeping them), so those two could provide some insight to my character design sensibilities, even if they're just a small fraction of the (mental) character designs I have.

Bellum is made up of pieces of his canonical design, pieces that I think make sense considering what we know about him, and just pieces of other character designs. He has more or less the same haircut as Joker/the protagonist from Persona 5. His hair has been like that for a while, but seeing Joker's hair helped me figure out specifically what I wanted.

It's been... hard, trying to give him a humanoid design, I've seen a bunch of other human Bellum designs, looked at other Zelda characters with both human and inhuman forms, took inspiration for what I could do and how and what parts could be carried over. His hair is easy to explain, it literally is meant to look like he does as a demon. Easy. It is absolutely directly inspired by that bitch from Tokyo Ghoul. I'm not looking up the character name I don't care about Tokyo Ghoul.

I keep him having sharp teeth, I've transposed those markings on his bodies as being scars (which I'll elaborate a little more on later), kept his eye and that he only has one main eye (there is nothing under the eyepatch. It's just smooth. If you've seen The Goonies, it's like what's going on with One-Eyed Willy. That's probably where I got it from tbh), the yellow and black color scheme is further kept with a yellow tank top-esque shirt and black pants and boots, and while they're not constantly present he still has access to his tentacles.

He's not human, just pretending to be.

Leading me to some other little details, such as his lack of ears. And nails. And. Other things not visible that he didn't bother with. He pretends to be human, but doesn't care enough to look truly human- though he can pass as human. When he does bother to actually look human, he does have nails and ears, and changes his eye to a human one, with a color of choice. He goes by 'Warren' when actually pretending to be human. It doesn't mean anything in particular it's just a play on how 'bellum' is latin for 'war'. But, most of the time, he's not really trying. A sense of lack of real care is something I try to communicate with his humanoid design, hence him having generally baggy and plain clothes.

The 'war' thing about his character I think is decently expressed in game with him having an army of sorts with the phantoms and him just coming off as sort of violent but strategic. He also seems very scrappy, mostly attacks with direct contact including just straight up running into Link, and seems to put a lot of stock into sheer force and just fucking killing you at any cost after a certain point, but seems genuinely wary and cornered once someone is shown to be capable of actually posing an actual threat. I like the idea of human Bellum being a bit of a brawler in a sense, fighting with his bare hands and just being incredibly violent when he fights like a human, really only breaking out his more supernatural abilities when he just wants to get shit over with.

Part of the fun with Bellum is that there isn't much to him, so I'm taking a lot of liberties with him. His loose clothes are something that won't really get in the way of him fighting and do the bare minimum, and the boots he wears have metal toes for just a bit of extra ways to hurt people. He's built but still soft in places, not intended to be a muscular as Damien, he's intentionally designed his own human form to be a bit unassuming, so I've kept that he's made of a lot of circular shapes, his face is meant to be a bit of a round shape, his hair gives a round shape, and though he's fairly tall (he and Damien are 6 feet tall btw Linebeck throws off every post-ph cast height comparison) I think of him being a bit... small? If that makes sense? His clothes help with that, they're slightly oversized, and his posture isn't great; He's a bit like a delinquent, starting fights intentionally for the sake of violence and putting little effort into his appearance.

His scars are technically cosmetic. They aren't results of injuries; technically nothing but the Phantom Sword and things like it can hurt him. His scars are references to the markings on his demon body, and just further reflection of him being a creature all about violence and conflict. They aren't totally consistent between the times he uses his human form, but some of the bigger ones are, most notably the scar across his face.

I'll be honest. My earliest human Bellum designs were some Tumblr sexyman shit and I've been trying to ditch that SO BAD ever since. I think I've done well. The scar across his face is a big one. An added imperfection, a massive facial blemish that isn't really conventionally great to look at. His nose specifically has been though some development stages, at first I kept switching between different full nose shapes, then brought in the facial scar and decided that he'd be missing a chunk of that nose, then, decided, fuck it! I can't decide on a nose shape, so he gets no nose at all. I think it works pretty well and I like it.

I really tried to get in a lot of his personality to the design, and I don't want to go into all of it in this section, so just keep in mind that a lot of his design has been influenced by the way I've decided to write him, and some stuff I've already mentioned might be made a little clearer when I get into that. As a quick aside, he's pale partially because I've intentionally made him look halfway similar to Link, and partially because I figure he does not get a lot of sun; you literally meet him in what is effectively a basement, and from the way he operates, probably hasn't made himself seen in a while by the time the events of the game happen. He can't get sunburns, but, as he cannot change a lot of extremely major things about his human form, he can't manually change his skin tone in a major way, and it's likely that when he was considerably younger and newer and spent time in the sun, his skin tone would be closer to Oshus's, so a bit more tan.

In the Context of Phantom Hourglass and Post-PH

Moving swiftly on, as there is pretty much no real info about Bellum's background, I have taken matters into my own hands and decided a lot of it for myself in headcanon; Bellum is technically Oshus's son. Not in the traditional sense, but he was created by Oshus and can very much be considered his child, and to an extent, Ciela, Leaf, and Neri are all also Oshus's kids due to them being created by him (yea even considering Ciela calling him 'grandpa', in her and my defense she lost her memories and he is old as a human), therefore making (in some terms) Bellum to be Oshus's son and the brother of the three spirits. I think it's an interesting dynamic, to have Oshus be the one responsible for Bellum's existence, and for the three spirits you travel with and help you defeat Bellum to be closely related to him.

Oshus himself (when you get the hourglass in ph) says that the sand of hours is made of force gems of the ocean king (whatever... that wording means)- which then suggests that at the end of the day, all sands of hours are derived from the power of the ocean king, and Bellum dissolves into that sand at the end of the game, and I am standing in front of a wild-looking conspiracy cork board trying to piece this all together. I find it interesting if Oshus was the one who created Bellum before he created the three spirits.

(This is a topic for another post/fic but Leaf and Neri were neglected so bad in ph and it would be interesting to see more of how they feel abt Ciela before she gets her memories back and how they feel abt... anything else ig. I think they're neat, too, and I like tying the spirits together with Bellum in this way)

In Phantom Hourglass, it's strongly suggested (mostly through dialogue) that it's been a decent amount of time since Bellum defeated Oshus and took over the Temple of the Ocean King and created the Ghost Ship (though I suppose it could be possible that the Ghost Ship's existence precedes Bellum taking over that temple and defeating Oshus), but things across that sea are relatively calm, despite the new influx of monsters and the Ghost Ship making most people too afraid to sail. No one knows it's Bellum, though, and people do know about the Ocean King, so I wonder if Bellum is known about at all by the general public, or is a being that's more or less completely unknown? My personal theory is that he's vaguely known in some sense, as an obscure deity, and that he was behind the collapse of the Cobble Kingdom, since they were aligned with the Ocean King and Bellum appears to be his direct enemy and would likely then target the allies of his enemy.

Bellum seems to do a lot of behind the scenes stuff, never been seen until the end of the game and not even being mentioned until halfway through. As I think I've said before, he's practically won by the time he comes across Link and Tetra, the Ghost Ship going out and collecting people for him while he sits at the bottom of the temple and drains anyone who might be heading directly for him. He doesn't even seem to concerned about hunting Oshus down for good, and I suspect he likely doesn't even know about Ciela being split apart, so (asides from my idea that gods/spirits/stuff like that only being able to be sealed away, only properly killed under certain circumstances) I bet there's a level of confidence that he's got things under tight enough wraps that he's good to do whatever he wants.

Aaaand then he panics when he realizes how much of a wrench in his plans Link is, throwing two sea monsters at him and causing earthquakes, he's a procrastinator, I think. That, or he underestimated this kid. Both are very possible. Either way, it's interesting to look at what he's done and caused, hiding away the spirits and beating back the Ocean King, taking over his temple, creating the Ghost Ship to roam indefinitely, screwing with the Yook and wiping out pretty much all of the Isle of Ember, and likely being the reason behind the increased number of monsters. If you really look into it, while most characters don't really seem to realize, things are kind of fucked at the start of Phantom Hourglass, and it's interesting how Oshus himself seems powerless and even dissuades Link from giving it a shot, even if he secretly wants him to go and handle things.

With my idea of Bellum being a sort of technical relative to Oshus and the spirits, it opens up a handful of new avenues for motivation beyond just being after securing control and a steady stream of prey, I enjoy the idea of it being a matter of him becoming more and more ambitious, far beyond the station he was created for; going off of his name and ability to create phantoms, I imagine Oshus created him specifically to be warlike, perhaps initially with the intention of having him as a more violent protector of the realm, maybe to keep monsters in check or maybe just as a secondary deity for the world of the ocean king; I'll admit, I'm still a little foggy on what Bellum would've been initially created for, the spirits are easy to figure out, but I do figure it was something not as passive as just representing something, I imagine it as a deliberate opposite to Oshus himself to account for his weaknesses. Either way, I figure a part of Bellum's motivation involves him wanting more than he was given access to by Oshus, and deciding to fully wage war against him in a sense. The short and silly version is that Bellum is Oshus' shitty disowned son. Oshus isn't entirely innocent in whatever I decide caused Bellum to turn on him and the spirits, but Bellum does suck: that is important. The Cobble Kingdom looks like it's been destroyed for a while, I figure that was Bellum's first major target when he started outwardly going after Oshus and hunting the humans of the realm.

In Post-PH, he's the group's pet evil squid on a very very very short leash until he starts behaving himself and having a character arc.

Effectively, Bellum doesn't die at the end of Phantom Hourglass, instead being broken down into the sand of hours he's made of and being sealed inside the Phantom Sword- after all, after the final boss, the sand Bellum turns into goes into the Phantom Sword. I imagine that the Phantom Sword, after breaking and restoring Oshus, turns into the hourglass for Link to keep, while Oshus and the spirits keep the remaining sands, therefore keeping a hold of Bellum. (A bit like Oshus just being left alone after Bellum defeating him, they can't really kill Bellum so they just keep an eye on him while he's in a weakened state) They kind of just keep him prisoner at the bottom of the Temple for a bit, and Oshus finally decides to send him to Link's world as a punishment, since he's at his weakest and Oshus wants to get him to learn some lesson, it's a work in progress. Bellum is grounded in Post-PH.

It's basically that 'the villain when you unlock him as a playable character' bit, where he's quite a bit weaker than he is in Phantom Hourglass, though mostly for the sake of keeping things balanced, so Bellum can't break everything for everyone. He's still powerful, he still accesses his demon form, can't be conventionally killed or injured, and move through walls and turn people to stone, the whole deal, it's just that his demon form's size is impacted (i hc that the size of his demon form can be manipulated at will, but the largest size is dependent of how much power/stored life force he has. he's small at the start of post-ph, but his human form isnt impacted at all. i imagine that for beings like oshus and bellum, their human form is a like a 'low power mode' kinda thing) So Bellum is the Post-PH crew's fourth member, the swabbie on the ship and pet sea monster when they need it and when he has the energy for it.

Bellum is kept mostly in line by a vague fear of Link and his general fear, respect, and curiosity about Linebeck. Linebeck is usually the one holding onto Bellum's leash. Bellum is decently civil with the group from the start, since he's weak and unable to return home until Oshus permits it or he gathers enough power to make that trip, and works mostly as a fighter- when he wants to. The earliest limitation I came up for him, since he's the member with the highest chance of breaking things, is that he will just straight-up choose not to help. He decides he's busy, decides it's not his problem, or other limitations, such as his involvement likely to cause more problems that they solve, since he's rather destructive when fighting.

He's the least sociable most of the time, for obvious reasons, but can pretend, and has the least... casual skills to offer to the group, hence why he gets stuck as swabbie (also general disrespect/as a punishment for the ph thing) and it takes a while for him to properly warm up to the rest of the group. He and Linebeck start off on decent terms and get closer through them just initially trusting each other, he and Link take the longest to get used to each other for... obvious reasons, it takes a lot of fighting together and seeing that they can rely on each other and they learn to be decent with each other just by existing in the same space, and things with Damien start off half decent, Damien was not present during Phantom Hourglass (obviously) and doesn't have the full context of how much he sucks, but it starts decent, gets worse when he learns what happened, and then gets good again because Damien's kind of amiable in general and sees that Linebeck thinks he's fine.

SO! To actually address your question about him being 'redeemed'- he does have a bit of an arc that I'm still mentally workshopping. He isn't entirely redeemed, as the group's general morality is a big off-kilter when Link isn't looking or is willing to get a little gray with things, and there's not really a whooooole lot of atonement Bellum can do in terms of the volume of bullshit he pulled in the past. It's less him atoning or w/e for the bullshit he's done, that's not entirely feasible, it's more him just. being forced to Be Decent and learn some actual kindness and think about more than just his own survival, he's essentially forced to actually appreciate life and the world, it's more him actually... experiencing the world for a reason other than consumption and war and conflict and doing what he's been told, he's effectively just on this long voyage with Linebeck, Link, and Damien, going with them from island to island and seeing what's up. I'm going to try and keep empathy out of it, so he's not really relating on a visceral level, more just choosing to be kind and take gentler paths to solving problems and interacting with others. He's also the group gremlin.

The way I write Bellum is definitionally inspired by other characters, Power from Chainsaw Man comes to mind in how he has a kind of shitty brat attitude at times, he'd fling vegetables across the room because he's a piece of shit who likes live meat. He's got his shitty messy delinquent loser side, where he causes problems and acts like some asshole teenager, and he's got his more serious, calm, almost professional seeming side that reminds the group that he's a few centuries old at the least and practically a god in his own right; generally outside of Post-PH I would pick one of these two sides to focus on for aus, but in Post-PH I need to figure out how the two of them work with how Bellum generally operates.

He's interested in Linebeck and initially decides to go along because he wants to figure him out, but grows to enjoy the rest of the group and that curiosity expands to involve the world as a whole; he experiences things like art and music, where he can't just brute-force his way into a satisfactory outcome and has to learn and find his own style, he reads books and listens to stories and sees the different ways humans live on the seas and I want his arc to, in some part, be about him just finding meaning in the world beyond what he does to secure survival, and the other members of the group introduce him to those other facets of life that he has access to, has had access to. The other part is the group getting Bellum to see most living things as more than just prey for him to hunt and consume, but that generally goes hand in hand with the prior point, as he actually enjoys life and figures out what he likes beyond the basic things he was created for.

He can't fall back on just smashing through everything or creating phantoms, since he's far too weak to do either effectively at the start, and I intend to just force Bellum into basically just being a human character with some unusually powerful magic at his fingertips, first just wanting to build himself back up to what he was in Phantom Hourglass, then just getting to see things in a new light. I'm not sure how to explain it or even what I'll want to do when I get to it, but that's the general gist of his arc, I think.

Other than that, he's just the fourth members of the crew with a serious knowledge of... a lot of things as a centuries-old demon and the hardest hitter in the group who can't and won't cook for shit and kind of just learns to actually live without constantly gunning for those bare necessities long after he's gotten them. I don't want it to be 'he learns to be human' because he... isn't human, but just him appreciating life and seeing some value in it, especially as something with as much power as Bellum, it's a bit messy and I'm still figuring it out, but I've got the general direction figured out.

Bellum is effectively the ship's best defender, and ends up fitting into the group as a friend and with his own specific role with the other individual members of the group. Linebeck kind of kickstarts his arc for him and connects with him the most and Bellum generally stays the closest with him, but Damien and Link help him see other little corners of life, as well as other characters he has to interact with, and I think I want Bellum's side of the story to have the most outstanding mundane-ity to it- there's absolutely meant to be a slice-of-life aspect to Post-PH, but I want the biggest points of Bellum's arc to be comparably the most mundane. It's the little things with him. The others have little things, too, but... I'm not sure how to express the difference, but I promise there is a difference.

Outside of Post-PH, though, when Bellum is present in a big way, his arc either tackles a similar idea in a different way, is just about something entirely different, or he doesn't have an arc at all, either due to not being a big enough part of the story or just straight up not being present.

In the Context of AUs

Bellum is only present in a handful of aus, either fully present as a character, halfway present, or just being referenced. When he is present in an au, he's usually some kind of major character, and he's notable in the crimson king au, the space au, the murder mystery au, and the horror au and one of my 'ruined hyrule' aus. (the horror and ruined hyrule au will be put together for this bc bellum's role in both are very similar) (for reference, here's my au explanation post)

In the horror au and ruined hyrule au, Bellum serves juuuust about the same role, just with different capabilities, contexts, all of that, but it's more or less the same thing. He's frequently present, but usually not acknowledged, and is very close to Linebeck in both, and the two of them pretty much rely on each other to live due to circumstances out of their control; they didn't really go into this whole thing liking each other, but have been more or less forced to become each other's friends due to proximity and just. Needing the others' presence in order to survive. In both, Bellum usually is a character who knows more than the others, but doesn't bother sharing that information since it's either not totally relevant or he just doesn't want to, and he tends to be protective of Linebeck, half because he needs him in order to live, half just because he's ended up liking him. (there is. more to say. but since i may actually write one of these aus [likely ruined hyrule bc the horror one has to be visual and it is VERY plotless rn] i'm not gonna go into much more depth since it would require spoilers lol)

Can't say a whole lot about the space au, either, since the story of that one is still a work in progress, and Bellum isn't particularly a major character, though he is important to some B-plot stuff. Without digging up too much world building and background and general story stuff and important plot bits, he's got a fairly close relationship to Linebeck in this au, as a general beneficiary and friend, and he actually tends to mind his own business and just wants to hold his own position; he's not really antagonistic or anything, but definitionally morally dubious even if he doesn't really directly do a whole lot.

In the Crimson King au, though, Bellum is one of the main characters, and a bit different than in ph-related stuff. He spends a lot of time in his human form, only switching to his little demon form a handful of times, and usually just for fun. He plays the role of Linebeck's closest friend and beneficiary, practically being the reason why Linebeck is able to do any of the things he does in the story, helping him from behind the scenes at times and balancing that business with Linebeck with his more outward appearance as a mostly normal guy working for the person who runs his section of the city... who also happens to be him. The vague politics in this au would take a bit to explain in full, but Bellum in this au spends a lot of time keeping his actual identity under wraps, the basic premise being that he's decided to integrate himself into current mortal society like a normal person to see what trouble he can cause, how he could sustain himself while keeping things stable, and to see just how far he can go- essentially, the only danger he faces is if others figure out what he is, but even then, he knows he could very easily cut his losses and go back to what he's done best.

He's not very active in the main plot, mostly giving Linebeck assignments and pulling strings behind the scenes in order to help and keep him safe, but Bellum does occasionally meddle directly in Linebeck's situation whenever it relates to him, when he needs something extra done, or, later in the story, when he gets a bit worried about Linebeck. His general arc is essentially him owning up to the fact that he does, in fact, care about Linebeck's well-being. Crimson King Bellum is fun, because he can't really just be 'violent demon', and I just like the supporting role I've got him in. He's Linebeck's rich friend who hires him to kill people for him. It's fun.

How I Like to Write Him With Linebeck

Of course, Bellum is going to have stuff with Linebeck, both in aus and in post-ph. Bellum has interactions and relationships with other characters, but the dynamic(s) with Linebeck tend to be the most diverse and important.

With aus: There’s usually a general sense that Bellum is above Linebeck, both in the power sense and in the sense that he’s typically his boss or in charge of him, but in a handful they are on equal footing (specifically, the modern school one, where they’re just classmates.)- the most common dynamic is usually along the lines of Bellum hiring Linebeck to kill people for him. Bellum is typically someone that provides Linebeck with things like payment or equipment or safety- in the Crimson King au, he gives Linebeck a fair amount of money, and supplies his equipment and gives him a place to live when he does jobs for him.

I like to imagine there's a level of... recognition? Not empathy, trying to keep that to a minimum... He's almost gentle with Linebeck, and is uncharacteristically merciful towards him. In post-ph, Linebeck survives being possessed and this marks him as notable to Bellum, since most people he possess die very soon after being released, so he's initially motivated by curiosity and a desire to observe Linebeck when he acts less violently- that curiosity is the biggest reason why he's cordial with Linebeck across my aus as well.

With Phantom Hourglass-centric stuff (which is what I'll mostly just talk about here, since it's kind of the 'base' for all other Bellum and Linebeck stuff I do), Linebeck and Bellum start on halfway decent terms, I'm planning a Bellumbeck fic sometime in the future, which is a bit less focused on that actual fight and more on whatever's going on between Linebeck and Bellum. I'm still trying to pin down exactly what I want with Linebeck and Bellum's dynamic.

I’ve fallen back into shipping them, (Still iffy on ship name lmfao, Bellumbeck is taken by the game and ‘Linebellum’ is lame imo, so I’ve been sticking with just ‘bellum x linebeck’) but it’s not really typically romantic/sexual, though there are some aspects of both, it’s still kind of abstract and easier to define with example stuff rather than just trying to explain it in a concise paragraph.

They both go out of their way to effectively research each other before properly meeting, starting as just trying to find advantageous information, but eventually just doing research out of curiosity, especially on Linebeck’s end, hunting down any material that so much as alludes to Bellum while Oshus refuses to say anything extra on the topic. They have a mutual interest and curiosity about each other.

With Bellum, its a similar curiosity with how Linebeck survives being possessed, and a general interest in him as a person, as Bellum doesn't really care much about the world beyond how it can serve him, but felt the need to look into Linebeck. A lot of the time, Bellum starts with the intention of exploiting Linebeck in some way, then ends up actually caring about him, he usually goes through variations of the same arc regarding Linebeck. It works with Linebeck for me since I tend to read and write him as fairly morally gray, so he's more willing to reciprocate Bellum.

(There's also the whole bit with Linebeck being kind of a monsterfucker and having a thing for being tied up and just a handful of like. sexual stuff on Linebeck's end, but we're talking about Bellum's perspective here we can't be focusing on Linebeck)

Bellum primarily operates with survival on the mind, and at odds with anything that might get in his way, and secondarily treats mortal creatures as something to study. When his attempt to use Linebeck fails, he shifts to that studying, and therefore has some respect for him due to his survival. They both focus quite a lot on survival, and don't have the most interest in making connections, seeing most relationships as transactional. They understand each other; Bellum sees Linebeck's mind when possessing him, and therefore knows a great deal about him.

There are similarities between them; not-great relationships with their fathers, a strong desire for survival at any cost, generally low empathy and a habit of mostly viewing others for how they can be used, curiosity about anatomy, a higher tolerance for things like blood, gore, things that would likely make others squeamish, they both hate Ciela...

(As an aside to that last one, an idea I've decided to integrate into my ph stuff and may touch on in a future fic is that Linebeck calling Ciela 'sparkles' gives her a strong sense of deja-vu before she gets all of her memories back; it's something Bellum would call her, when he was more cordial with the other spirits)

Bellum hangs around on the ship, and he hangs around Linebeck the most, to the point of being annoying, but learns what boundaries are and ends up respecting them decently. I lean more into... things just working out, Bellum more or less being put in a situation where he chooses to change things up and be a bit kinder, starting with the guy he's decided was the catalyst for all of this.

He gets along well enough with Damien (damien ends up in that shipping, too, considering that he's already dating linebeck by the time bellum sorts his own feelings out, so in post-ph, bellum ends up being a sort of on-and-off polycule member), he is eventually friendly with Link, often because Linebeck likes him as well. It takes a very long time for he and Link to warm up to each other, so they'll likely end up in situations where they must rely on each other at the start of things.

Bellum is… very not used to social stuff or acting human, and isn’t even very used to his human form at the start, so he does spend that time with Linebeck while he figures things out, as well. Linebeck's not the best role model for decent social interaction, especially since he works on dismantling his own mask and figuring himself out for a bit at the start of post-ph, but he's the only person Bellum tolerates and respects at that start.

Bellum eventually gets roped into helping Linebeck cook, follows him around for ship maintenance, watches him patch up wounds, and just ends up as a crew member that can kind of fill any basic role, but he’s not making it much further than swabbie.

I haven’t actually written a ton of interaction between them yet, but what I have written always comes off as casual, almost humorous, they joke around with each other and Bellum is detached and unserious at times, but very capable of switching to dead seriousness. A lot of the time, Linebeck tends to take things more seriously at face value, but Bellum is more prone to joking around due to the fact that very few consequences mean anything to him.

He and Linebeck are typically close in one sense or another in most things where they're included, and I generally consider all dynamics between them to fall under the ship umbrella, because I don't consider it strictly romantic (though it usually ends up being vaguely like that), just more that there's some kind of intimacy between them at some point. It's a relationship whose dynamic I think is interesting given the... lack of actual interaction between them, but with just enough interesting conclusions that can be drawn.

I guess it's similar to the general stuff I have about Bellum, kind of just scraping ideas together from canon and then following whatever threads can be connected to them, while trying to make sure it still has roots in that canon. It's similar to my personal 'design philosophy' or whatever for my aus.

I've also considered making their relationship parasitic in someway, as a sort of homage/callback/reference to their canonical relationship, but it's not entirely a direction I really want to go in, and I feel like some aus get decently close.

Final Points

I think Bellum's really neat, so considering the general lack of information or depth to him, I've been playing with expanded ideas and building up my own ideas for him, specific within the context of Phantom Hourglass and a post-ph setting, while many of my other ideas with him tend to then derive from that.

His (human) design is one I've spent a very long time figuring out, trying to mix his demon design in with more human traits, trying to keep him distinctive without getting too complicated, and trying to have that design represent him decently with a fair bit of reasoning behind a lot of that design. It's something Bellum himself controls to a certain degree, so it's in a bit of a crossroads between portraying him based on his character, and being something he uses to come off as generally innocuous.

I've got a decent idea of what Bellum's whole deal is in Phantom Hourglass and afterwards, and I use him in a fair number of aus, often in tangent with Linebeck, whom I often give him some kind of intimate relationship, be it romantic or some other form of closeness, based off of ideas for ways they would interact and why.

Bellum's fun! He's fun as he is, and he's fun to build off of and develop further than what we see in the game. And giving him the ability to shift into a humanoid shape gives even more room to play around in. I don't know when I first came up with the idea, but I've had ideas for a human form Bellum for quite some time now, I've just only recently really started solidifying a lot of it. Even between the time when I got the ask and finished it, I came up with new ideas.

But for now, these are the broad strokes! Not just about post-ph humanoid Bellum, just about my ideas for him in general, though it all really relates back to that one in particular, honestly.

He's surprisingly fun to speculate about! I didn't really expect Bellum to end up as one of my favorite LoZ characters, but I guess any character can end up as your favorite if you spend enough time thinking about him. At the end of the day I think he's funky, and he's fun to use in a post-ph setting.

[the-final-sif]

Hello! I recently came across your blog and love your take on things, mainly because they’re very level headed and thought out!

I was wondering, based on what we know, what do you think is going to happen with all of this? And if this has already been answered, you can just ignore this lol :)

Thank you! Trying my best to get a handle on things and help others do the same.

As for what I think is going to happen, there was an interesting discussion I had with @godzibane that I think covers a lot of what we could reasonably expect.

To summarize that post though, I think that the odds of Dream facing criminal charges are next to zero. Regardless of whether he's done anything Amanda said he did or not. Everything I've read says that Snapchat won't be able to retrieve any actual image/video files from Jan/feb at this point, and without those a charge/case is going to be next to impossible. So even if she was telling the truth, it would really only her word against Dream's, and that's not enough for a court case. Particularly not when her own credibility as a witness could be demolished by her behavior on twitter.

Now, if the allegations are false, Dream has one of the most straightforward defamation cases that I have ever seen. Like, to the point of comical. If she can't prove her case, she's defamed him. The more evidence Dream can provide that she's lying (snapchat metadata may serve him well here, depending on if they talked on there/what they discussed, he may be able to factually disprove her claims), the stronger his case gets. If Bee is telling the truth and is willing to help/testify under oath, then I'm really not sure how a good set of lawyers could fuck this case up. Like, this would be straight up two per se charges. He wouldn't even need to prove damages AFAIK.

Slander per se is defined as words that are slanderous in themselves without proof of actual damages. For example, if an utterance charges (a) the commission of a crime, (b) imputes some offensive or loathsome disease that would tend to deprive a person of society, (c) matters incompatible with business, trade, profession, or office, or (d) charges serious sexual misconduct. Restatement (Second) of Torts, Section 570 (1976).

Now, I think a lawsuit may end up getting filed here. Amanda did uh, well she doxxed herself. Which is. A really bad idea for all sorts of reasons. There's also at least one person that likely went to school with her (Bee) who would almost certainly be willing to disclose information about what school Amanda went to to lawyers to make contacting/serving her very easy.

If the allegations are false, a lawsuit also would be a way for Dream to add provable records to the public record where they become worth way more than "just trust me this is unaltered" so it'd be a good move both legally speaking and for PR.

I'm not convinced a case like this would go to trial. I mean, I do not know what sort of resources Amanda has. But lawyers are very expensive, and if Dream files in Florida instead of NJ which to my understanding would be possible, Amanda may then have to travel to Florida or hire a lawyer within Florida to defend her. If her claims are false, the sudden expenses may suddenly make holding onto those claims no longer worth it. In which case she would probably attempt to apologize/settle.

Now, to my understanding, while she could retract/apologize, Dream could still sue her if her claims are false. But I'm doubtful Dream would be interested in pursuing the case much further than getting an apology and some sort of settlement to send a message.

So, I think we will hopefully end up seeing some stuff from lawyers, although I'm hoping at least one of the involved parties mentions when things become a matter of public record, since it can be such a pain to track down court records w/o a docket number.

(also as a note I am not a lawyer, nor trained in anything to do with law, this is all from my personal understanding and could be incorrect in many different ways!)

[bluebeesknees]

Hi Bee! Going anon because I feel so awkward asking this and I genuinely like you and your work is beautiful ;;;;;;

Patreon subber here! I've noticed that you seem to be drawing less and less of BTS art and more of that anime show. Which is 100000% your prerogative and I fully support anyone following their own joy and especially artists creating art that interests them, not just to cater to their audience, so this is in no way me asking or requesting you to draw less anime and more BTS! However, I'm not in the greatest place financially right now and I need to be more strict with myself and where I am spending my money and to make sure where I'm spending my money also aligns with my own wants. I wish I was in a position to just remain subbed as a patron no matter what because I love your art and want to support you as an artist, and I've really been warring with myself over this for the last couple months because that truly where my values lie when I have the means. But between the topic and amount we're paying for, I'm feeling torn. I TOTALLY get the reasons for the decrease in content, your health issues and school and work are completely valid, but it doesn't change the fact that we're getting noticeably less now than we did a year ago, and you've been promising it's temporary for set periods (first school and exams last year, then work, then health), but it's held pretty steady for at least a year now and has never returned to the level many of us subbed to originally despite repeated assurances that eventually things will pick back up. Less content is honestly not a big deal in and of itself, but it doesn't sit right with me that you haven't been upfront that these changes will be permanent, always promising that the current volume is temporary. But also there's been no broaching the subject of the fandom your creating for the majority of the time now changing from what your subscribers subbed to or for. Again, I fully support you creating for whatever interests you, but when I subbed you were solely a BTS fanartist and described your patreon as such on twitter, offering early and uncensored access to NSFW art, and you've never said anything to your subscribers about your focus permanently shifting to predominantly be anime. So far in 2024, not including previews for or commissions, you've published 2 BTS art posts and 8 of the anime characters on patreon. In the position I'm in, it just doesn't make sense for me to be spending a monthly subscription fee on fan content that isn't something I follow or know anything about. So I guess what I'm asking is for confirmation that you will no longer be focusing on BTS art? Truly you are so talented, I genuinely do love your art in general, I just can't afford to spend monthly money on something that doesn't genuinely interest me, even if I wish I could stay subbed just to support an artist I admire.

Dude hey! It seems you put a lot of thought into this so I'll answer accordingly!

I know I haven't been as reliable as I wanted to be in the past few months and I apologise for that. I don't mean for this to sound like an excuse, but I did very much believe for things to be temporary. (I tremendously overexhausted myself with my degree and my health has been a bit shit since qwq) I overestimated myself and should have had more foresight and taken proper breaks with the payment cycles as well.

Now, as for the shift in fandoms, I have wanted to broaden my range of fandoms I produce art for for quite some time. I do still very much love BTS and the aus I made mean a lot to me still. But the fandom in general has sparked a lot less joy than it used to lately and I've gotten a bit bored drawing only them. BTS was already an uncommonly long obsession and while i wouldn't call it burn-out, I AM a bit singed. I haven't announced something like a permanent shift on my patreon or twitter because it isn't, I love to draw them still but my focus just isn't as singular as it was for the past few years.

I know that keeping multiple fandoms under a single hat on patreon isn't ideal, and I completely understand that patrons don't always vibe with that. So I do not take it personally AT ALL should they decide to leave. Honestly it makes me very grateful to see that this meant enough to you to contact me like this.

Jjk is currently the thing that interests me the most, but I did plan to return to the roots of doing bangtan ship polls again for next month!

You've definitely given me stuff to think about. I'll make an announcement in the next few days regarding future plans.

And finally, I'll plainly say that my focus on bts art won't return to the level of intensity it started out as for a good while. It will continue, but not as it was. As you said, it's good for an artist to draw not only for an audience and I won't ever force myself to do that either. But I should have been more transparent, maybe it really is time I overhaul my page to represent the current me.

Ok, enough serious waffling, Please Do Not Feel Bad for cancelling your subscription!! In fact I encourage it if it doesn't spark joy anymore!! Smutty patreon art is a luxury expense and shit is hard enough these days!! I pinky promise I will not be mad above some entirely impersonal mild annoyance that my monthly budget shall now encompass 3$ less :)

I hope I covered it all, if you want to ask me about anything else, feel free to dm me, I promise I won't bite. I should generally encourage more plain feedback on my page so if you have more notes, I'd love to hear them!

But for now that's all!

Love, Bee 🐝 💙

[danpuff-ao3]

Embroidery Commission

I was going to do a longer introduction but really I can't tease the people like that. That would be quite rude of me!

This, my friends, is the gorgeous embroidery hoop I commissioned from @onbeinganangel!!!!

Okay you have the goods now, read ahead if you're ready for Danni babbling.

Yesterday morning, I got an email from our apartment's Amazon hub that I had a package ready for pickup. And since I knew exactly what it was, I was annoyed (cuz it's early and I'm at work and I have to wait) and excited (cuz MY HOOP!!!!!)

After work, I rushed home, ran to the hub, grabbed my treasure, and pranced back to my apartment. You know, carefully. I wasn't sure how delicate I needed to be and I was risking this hoop for nothing!

Above pictures is what I found inside the box. My hoop carefully and beautifully wrapped in tissue, and a sweet note!

And if you know me at all, you'll know I was too excited to rip right into it. I don't know if anyone else deals with this, but my excitement levels get so high I just don't know what to do with myself! Have to smile and shriek and dance a bit. Shake out all those nerves! Breathe a bit (because oxygen is important.) (That's what I'm told anyway.)

Once I had my wits about me, I very carefully peeled back the tissue and beheld my beautiful hoop!

And started crying, of course.

(If you know me at all, that won't surprise you, either.) (Overactive tear ducts, I swear to Merlin.) (Or maybe that's just me being overemotional...either way 🤷‍♀️)

It was in early November that I reached out to Mari. She had posted about making sure she could get commissions done in time for Christmas, and while I didn't need anything by Christmas, it did prompt me to think "hey...maybe I could commission something!"

If you've not seen Mari's embroidery, you should definitely check it all out! (Conveniently: click here.) Her work is gorgeous, and it's extra special to have another craft used for fandom purposes! Fan writing? Great! Fan art? Great! Fic binding? Oh cool! Fan embroidery???? Oh god I'm in love. (Also Mari writes, so here's her AO3.) (We have to stan a multi-talented queen.)

I was a wee bit nervous, because I've always been hesitant to ask about commissions from people who I don't know are okay with Snarry. My OTP is so controversial to others, but so beloved to me, and so I rarely reach out, but...I don't know. I couldn't help it! It seemed like too cool an opportunity to not try for, and Mari seemed so sweet so I figured if she let me down, she'd do so gently!

...because obviously I'm going to commission Snarry things. Much as I love other ships, if I'm spending my hard earned money, it's going to be Snarry. 😍

As you can see: it was not a problem!

What I most wanted was a piece for my pride and joy, Contempt. I wiffle-waffled a bit. I thought Orange Blossoms might have better imagery for embroidery, but I already had a fanart done for Orange Blossoms, and while more is more...I really, really in my heart needed a physical representation of my beloved Contempt.

I felt a bit bad about the timing and assured her I didn't need it by Christmas and to prioritize Christmas projects (even though I was quite eager for this!) Like: "I saw your post about Christmas commissions but...this is not for Christmas!" Anyway between the Snarry worries and timing guilt and my anxiety...that should tell you how much I wanted this piece! And let me tell you, it was worth fighting anxiety for!!

The other tricky part of commissions is me trying to give creators an idea to work with, while also stressing that I value their creative input more than my own vision. Everyone is different; more details are useful for some while others enjoy the creative freedom more. (So of course I fretted about that, too.) But generally I am drawn to creators for their own skill and creativity and want as much of themselves in there as possible! I have so much respect and admiration for other creators!! And why I want so dearly to support them however I can! (And to also selfishly benefit from it, not gonna lie.) (Look at this thing!)

What I gave Mari to work with were primarily the quotes. Both are spoken by Harry in the work, though in separate portions of the fic. I wasn't sure how weird that would be, but I don't know...they go so well together and really sort of sum the whole story up! My ultimate love/hate endeavor!

As for the imagery, I had suggestions for that, too: the door to Snape's quarters have "serpents entwined with ivy and dahlias" and there are moments in the story where other flowers are given, those being white gardenias and forget-me-nots. Between my personal love of flowers and animals, as well as my great love for symbolism, and the role they all play in the story...well, I'm glad they all fit in! (Also, Mari is a champ for listening to all my rambling about symbolism and vibes haha!)

From one of our email exchanges, I mentioned: "It's a very stark, intense story. A bit brutal. Lots of shame. Riding that line between love and hate. That's another part of why I like nature imagery; all of the beauty and brutality of the world around us." And I feel like it came through! It feels very simple and natural. It looks a bit like fallen, fragile flowers and a snake slithering along, a sort of unsuspecting seduction. (Sorry, I sure love to read into things!)

Honestly, Mari was such a joy to work with. She has such a good eye for design and color! And such clear skill. She was easy to talk to, happy to communicate, and best of all so kind and patient and sweet! And in the end, she crafted something truly priceless.

Contempt is truly the story of my soul. (If you follow me, you're probably tired of hearing about it LOL.) The concept has lived with me for so long. Writing it was a true labor of love. Having this piece of it to hang on my wall is genuinely so meaningful. I cried when I first saw the finished product (via email) and cried again when I had it in hand. And again when I hung it on my wall.

It's not in its final spot just yet. A few inches to the right (not pictured) is a Hogwarts plaque that I plan to move to another wall this weekend, so I can move the hoop a bit to the right. But I was much too eager to share this to wait until the weekend! But this should still give you an idea of what my Snarry wall looks like, and will more or less look like after the shift. (The art beside the hoop is the Orange Blossoms art mentioned earlier, by LuEndland!)

Mari, thank you so much again for working with me and creating this truly precious hoop! Also: feel free to make your own post if you like, one with less word vomit haha! You are a true angel, I hope you know!!

To everyone else: if you've been thinking of commissioning an embroidery hoop...for sure do it!!!! 10/10 do recommend.

Also please expect more photo dumps once my work space is all set up!!

[seraphsfire]

New kitties update!

Hello everybody meet one of my new toddlers, Jade! I'm excited to tell you guys all about them!

She was a little shy but completely imprinted on me within the first 12 hours or so from first meeting her ;-; she has a lot of personality similarities with Xeno, she loves pets and scratches, will walk on everything, and follows me everywhere except when she is napping underneath my bed. She even sleeps next to me at night already ;-; She has no teeth bc she has like a thousand allergies and was allergic to her own tooth plaque and got sick from it so she had to have all her teeth taken out ;-; she also has dermatitis because she had fleas at one point and was allergic to the fleas and patches of her fur fell out ;-;

but i've been putting olive oil on her food and giving her plenty of hydration so after only one day her skin is already barely flaky anymore, she's itching less, and her coat feels silkier.

She's the most beautiful, sweet little goblin doll baby, her eyes are this stunning grayish-green that i've never seen in a cat before and when she's in good lighting (and holding still, which is also difficult to get her to do lol) I will take closer pictures of her.

I'm exhausted but my anxiety and depression have gone down drastically from being able to pet her, feeling her purring next to me when I sleep, and hearing her eating in the mornings.

My other child is still working on feeling comfortable in the house, he was a feral cat so I am slowly socializing him and I haven't gotten to pet him yet or look at him closely because he's been hiding under the bed. But today when I put my hand under the bed with treats in it, he ate them out of my hand and didn't run away, and has been coming into the kitchen when Jade and i are hanging out a few feet away on the couch, and actually walked up when i was sitting down just now to look at me, so he's making huge progress after only a day for a kitty that was so terrified of everything that they actually put him on anxiety medication skdfsdhgdhg

He's so beautiful too, he's a cream point medium haired siamese mix, he's huge and a similar width to Xeno but has a more angular face and is a lot Longer (almost twice the size of Jade lol). I named him Sunfyre after a GoT dragon because he does look fiery and kind of like a dragon too, and so I can call him Sunny for short.

I was so worried because I wasn't able to separate them at all since my bed is huge and Sunny wouldn't come out, and they did yowl and fight a little bit with each other last night but actually otherwise they're not aggressive or fearful of each other at all and will walk by each other calmly as long as they have at least a foot and a half of space. I've been telling Jade she can't be mean to her new roommate and has to give him space because it's his house too lol.

I miss xeno so much and it does still feel like i'm babysitting somebody else's kitties but I can't wait to give them a happy, calm, and loving space to live in.

One of you donated $20 that really helped a lot, and I have a commission too! I am still taking commissions, please let me know your budget and I'll tell you what kind of art piece I can do for the amount! I'm open to almost anything. Thank you guys for all your financial support, I would not have been able to afford them otherwise so soon after all of Xeno's medical bills. I wasn't planning on getting more kitties so soon but I just saw their little faces and I knew they needed me even though my heart is still broken.

Also of course battling extreme exhaustion just from everything this past month really, the new babies have been keeping me up because I'm trying to do things periodically so they acclimate well. You guys can still donate if you want but you have been so generous so I don't want to keep clogging up ppls dashes with desperate donation posts if it's not an immediate emergency. I would much rather do a commission for you! I can work with any budget, even a few dollars ^^

I'm working on two larger pieces right now so it will be a few weeks for something big but I could get a few doodles for smaller budgets done soon-ish if that is something you're interested in!

You can pray/ send good thoughts and energy that I will get a job soon so I can give them a good life, and that their conjunctivitis from being in the shelter will clear up soon without having to traumatize them with a vet visit so soon after getting them used to so many new scary things.

Anyway, thank you. Love you all. One day if i ever get enough $ i really do hope to pay back your generosity, it's really helped me believe in the goodness of strangers again. and just mentally that is something that has been such a huge thing to experience after all the trauma and death i've been dealing with for like 4 years now.

For now I hope paying you back in kitty pictures will do!

[petrichor-moss-and-lightning]

Hi! Do you like poetry? Have a heartfelt and/or wrathful proclamation that can only be delivered in the form of prose?? Have you considered…

Commissioning a poem!?

That’s right, folx! With decade(s) of experience and a buttload of trauma, yours truly will write a customized poem for you, a loved one, or even your worst enemy!

What I do:

My specialty: poetry about love, yearning, mental health, environmental issues, and human rights.

Nature poetry, joke poetry, haikus, sonnets, etc. (Idk, pretty much any genre or format you want ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

What I don’t do:

Anything nsfw (I keep things PG-13 as a result of where I land on the ace spectrum lol)

Anything bigoted/hateful (no racism, homophobia, transphobia, classism, ableism, fatphobia, etc.)

Anything I’m uncomfortable with (but feel free to ask if you're unsure!!)

IMPORTANT NOTES

I only accept payment through PayPal at the moment (sorry!!)

I still retain the rights to my writing, even after I've sent the commissioned piece (so please credit me if you choose to post/share it).

Pricing + examples:

OPTION ONE Up to 8 lines, but I'm willing to be flexible with this if the situation calls for it (e.g., if I'm in the middle of writing and I feel the poem would be benefited by a couple extra lines). $7 CAD

OPTION TWO Up to 16 lines, but again I'm willing to be flexible about the line limit under the right circumstances. $14 CAD

OPTION 3 Up to 35 lines -- less flexibility with this one, since it's a pretty big project (the below example is a little longer, but with standard line breaks, it would be within the limit) $28 CAD

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading! <3 If you're interested in commissioning poetry from me, my DMs are open!

[aili-not-ally]

The Gumball Letters

Marshall,

If you're reading this, then my time has come.

Inside this box that Butterscotch Butler (hopefully) gave you, you will find photos, tchotchkes, and a smaller box. Just don't put on the cursed amulet we found four hundred years ago. Ha ha, wasn't that fun? Inside the smaller box is a necklace I've made for you. It's not much, but I hope you'll like it. The charm is made from a fragment of your old bass and the twine is from one of the strings. After we left the Glass Kingdom that day, I went out to look for the remains, hoping I could piece it back together. Those two bits were all I could find, sadly.

Marshall Lee, I love you more than anything in this world. Even though I'm not the best at showing it, it'll always be true. I don't want you to wallow in a pit of misery now that I'm gone. I know how you get. Instead, go out and make some new friends. Just promise that you won't forget Fionna, Cake, Evan, LSP, or anyone. And promise you won't forget me. Don't think of this as goodbye. I'll always be in the cotton candy grass you walk on and in the sugar smelling air you breathe. Don't weep at my grave. Be happy. Be free. Be you.

I love you, Marshall Lee Abadeer.

Sincerely,

Barnabas Gumball

P.S: Don't let Cinnamon Bun fool you - she has dibs on nothing. And don't worry about the Candy Kingdom. Mo-Chro will look after it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hey, Bubba.

I don't know how you'd feel about me writing this. It's been two hundred years and I just still can't believe you're gone.

I wish that you would have let me do something to help. But at the same time, I respect your wishes to move on from this world.

I did my best to take care of Mo-Chro for you. And I checked in on Cycla and Gorion every chance I got. I also appreciate you assembling that box for me. But I made my decision: I'm going to look for some vampire hunters and allow them to stake me. I can't do it, Barney. I tried to be strong. I really did. But I just can't. You don't understand how lonely it is here in Aaa without you. Without Mo-Chro. Without Fionna and Cake. Without anyone.

So yeah. I'm just gonna wait around for some bozos to come and exterminate me. Hopefully it won't take long. I just hope people still believe in vampires. I know this is more of the coward's way out. But I'm tired, Bubba. I've lived since before the Great Mushroom War. And I'm just tired.

I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of killing. I'm tired of living.

I'm coming, Barnabas.

-M.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To whoever reads this...

My name is Ben, the former prince of the Pup Kingdom.

And I'm Shelly! His best friend!

We only know bits and pieces of this Marshall guy's story, but we think it's worth telling. So if you see the gravestone we've laid in the ground for him, please take some time to pay your respects.

And don't steal the necklace!!

"Great, Shelly, now all people are gonna wanna do is steal the necklace!"

"Then we better take it with us!"

"No! That would make us grave robbers!!! Do you want that on your conscience?!"

"Wazzat mean?"

"Shelly..."

-Fin.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Okay so for context:

The first letter was written a few decades after the events of Obsidian. Gumball got sick and made the box and the necklace for Marshall.

Marshall tried to convince Gumball to let him turn him into a vampire so he could live forever, but Gumball said no. Don't ask me why. There were a lot of tears that day though.

Anyway, Butterscotch Butler gave Marshall the box. And there were even more tears. Mo-Chro took over the Candy Kingdom, but he died about fifty years later. Marshall tried to go on for a while longer, but he pretty much just gave up by the time Ben and Shelly came into the picture.

Ben and Shelly received a commission to deal with Marshall. Guess who posted it.

So they go to stake Marshall, who surrendered. Shelly and Ben drop the stakes, feeling bad, and Marshall just takes the wood and does it himself.

After snooping through his stuff, Shelly and Ben figure Marshall out and bury it all. The necklace now hangs on a tree branch above his gravestone.

And don't worry - no one stole it.

[cy-cyborg]

With the amount of art you create, you should start a Patron!

You're not the first person to suggest this, I don't even think you're the first anonymous ask to suggest it and my account is only like a month old lol. I'll be honest, I have been thinking about it a lot, but there's two main issues for me.

One is that I have issues with consistency and time blindness lol. I've been posting a lot lately but a lot of is has been mostly older drawings I've just added to my queue to go up automatically. I am posting new stuff too but not nearly as much, so I won't have that backlog much longer (technically it's already run out, I have more, but a lot of it was from before I started saving my alt text/image descriptions and I don't really have the energy right now to go through and write new ones). I also don't tend to notice how long it's been since I posted, and sometimes I make things but forget to post them too. So if I do make a patron, I want to make sure I have plans in place so that kind of stuff doesn't happen. Most likely making a ton of content up front so I have a backlog.

I also don't know if I can do a patron because of the disability payment I'm on. I'm fairly sure I can, I've already done all the stuff I need to do for commission work, but the Australian government makes it notoriously difficult to find answers for anything that's not "normal" work so I just want to make 100% sure I have all the right paperwork before starting anything like that lol. they don't fuck around when you mess up and I'm not risking getting on their bad side lol.

[acourtofthought]

for the love of god its like every once in a while when e/riels can't find anything to prove that gwynriel won't happen they bring gwyn's SA like they're actually proving a good point.... SHUT THE F**K UP PLS

nothing makes me more mad than them talking about gwyn's SA like they know how she feels bc if they knew they wouldn't even dare to think about those disgusting things!!!

pls share these comments and ppl experiences so these supposed concern about gwyn's health can see how people of SA feels about sex and gwyn's character: https://www.instagram.com/p/CSh2iFnIbzO/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

they're so disgusting and this is only a fictional character but they forgot sarah also wrote these characters base on the real event. someone like gwyn exist in real life and something similar happened to them!!

and it's not just gwyn also rhysand and lucien!!! bc these two are 1. men 2. they threaten other ships (e/riel and fey/in). i haven't seen anyone saying nesta is lying about her SA bc she's not threatening any other ship or i don't see anyone fault her for drowning herself in sex and alcohol after her SA...

they also ignore what happened to feyre and what tamlin did to her bc they don't even see that as an assault and saying "feyre overreacted" and "tamlin pANiCkEd he didn't mean it" and let me tell you no feyre didn't overreacted and tamlin very much meant it, i've been in feyre's place...

honestly this fandom is degrading everyday and i'm so sorry for them.

TW: Sexual Assault I adore the link you shared, thank you so much. It was very empowering to read someone's experience and what they felt comfortable with. Not all SA survivors are going to be the same. Some may need a year before they're ready, some may need longer, some may need less than that and the link you shared is an example of what worked for them and something I hope we're all really happy to see. So any post where someone claims Gwyn MUST follow a specific timeframe because her SA assault happened over 2 1/2 years ago (by the end of SF), that because she did XYZ since then, it means she won't be ready for a physical relationship for a specific amount of time after, is a post that should not exist. I've noticed in this day and age, people like to toss around that all opinions are valid but that's a misnomer. Not all opinions are equal and valid and this one such example. If you claim you have a degree that makes you qualified to diagnose that Gwyn is not ready, you'd be wrong. A real therapist would understand that unless they had the chance to directly ask Gwyn questions related to her state of mind when it comes to relationships and her assault then no one should ever bring their degree into things. They should not be claiming they are an expert on her character based off the limited information we read about while she had a conversation with her friends under stressful circumstances. And no therapist would EVER place a time frame on when their client is ready to move forward, that is for the client to decide and the therapist to simply guide them to self awareness as to what's right for them. The only person who will be telling us if Gwyn is ready is SJM and if Gwyn is Azriel's love interest then guess what? There is a 99.9% chance that there will be intimacy as these are romance books and she has written sex into every single one of hers. Just as Rhys was ready, just as Lucien will be ready if he gets a book. And if Gwynriel is endgame, of which there are many possible hints for regardless of what some in the fandom claim, the author has said that Az is kinky which means anyone drawing fanart of Gwynriel bondage is completely justified in how they got from point A to point B. Maybe they'll have missed the mark and SJMs version of kink will deviate from that however it does not make those who commission or draw the art wrong for their current interpretation. It does not do a disservice to the character of Gwyn. Claiming it's a disservice is basically someone saying to a survivor "you were assaulted but I don't feel you should be alright with a consensual situation between two fictional people, a real possibility based on the authors writing style and previous works because I feel it's triggering for you and I think it's best if I decide when you're ready for that. You wouldn't be ready in real life therefore she's not ready either". This world seems to be full of people telling other people how they're allowed to feel about their own life experiences and it makes no sense to me. They think they're keeping it to the topic of the books and Gwyn's SA but it affects real survivors because when they claim that since Gwyn suffered SA 2.5 years ago and has trauma related agoraphobia she could not possibly be ready to overcome her trauma within a reasonable timeframe before the next book, they're saying that's the rulebook for all survivors. They're saying that there could never be a situation where someone could finally battle their demons and move forward. And no one, not Peggy from Utah or a therapist with multiple degrees should ever be telling a survivor what they can or cannot accomplish, real or fictional. Until we are in Gwyn's head and have her thoughts on what SHE thinks of Az and sex, no one should be boxing her into anything. At this point, anything is possible until we're told otherwise by the author herself.