#even though it is supposedly very gay i just. ugh

[stinkythehutt]

😇

[sjw-publishings]

Straight A-Tension

With much guidance from the lovely @dumb-and-jocked , and influence from his story: Over here ;)

“Hey babe, promise me that after this…we will enjoy our vacation together.”

“I…I promise love, I just have to do a few more errands just to make sure.”

That conversation happened at 9pm yesterday in evening.

12:14pm, Today. Keith Gaye was supposed to meet up with his boyfriend at this very spot a quarter past noon, outside the auditorium hours before the crowd gathers for an announcement later in the day.

Of course, this would be the first time he would be talking to his boyfriend for the day. Since his lover was out and about already before he was awake, serious in completing his mission in digging up info on camp.

But even so…generally William would text him frequently while doing his undercover work. Yet despite his warm wishes and greetings, the other man went radio silent throughout the day.

“Ugh…babe where are you?”

The 25 year old long haired, lean surfer rubbed his shoulders, pushing back his blonde locks as he eyed his phone for a message from his love.

He just wanted a relaxing vacation for him and his lover. Which was why the both of them agreed on the trip to the camp retreat. With supposedly no authoritarian figures, No sticky-hard rules, and just the soft cool breeze of relaxation.

Sure…some of it was mostly fluff with the forced curfews they have on everyone, and the oddly sudden influx of ‘Hyper-Heterosexuality charged Christian Asians’ as his boyfriend describes…but perhaps there is an organised field trip for this time of the month?

And besides, its rude to assume they are all straight, maybe those men are in the closet?

Yet despite his intentions of reassuring his boyfriend and telling him, William was really insistent on uncovering the truth behind possible propaganda and the disappearances of some gay folks and couples around campus…and with his unnaturally long silence today.

What if he was right?

BEEP!

Boy friend [12:15pm]: Completed my preparations my latest speech for later. Please let me know your thoughts. Regards.

A notification popped up at the top of his phone. Fingers immediately pressing on it without delay, opening up the unused social media app he had downloaded many days prior, transporting his screen to the message and communication between him and his boy friend, William Wagner.

…

Mr Wallace Wong, Professor at Christening University.

Shaking his head, as he blinked his eyes rapidly at the name at the top of the message list. Keith felt cold sweat forming on his sun-kissed tanned skin, floral shirt lining with light moisture from the heat as he stood crossed legged in his sandals and board shorts..

Mr Wallace Wong? S…Surely it must be some phone glitch, though its not surprising since as Humblr is still a relatively new app. Though it still felt odd that it appeared out of the blue very recently.

Not to mention how his older boy friend would prefer him to use other kinds of social media to communicate…no that’s not right. His older mentor would refuse to use those kinds of ‘strange applications’ due to them not promoting HIS diversity…No wait. It was the school’s motto of diversity, that was what it was all about with that teach!

“So not diverse….”

The surfer scowled, rolling his eyes as he remembered the old fashioned professor and his continual lectures towards him ever since he stepped foot on campus.

He wanted to set off and find a cute twink to date, but every time the teacher would stop his ‘FOOLING AROUND’ and drag the other man away to detention. All he wanted was just to relax with a cute guy ! He could’ve sworn he had one, but clearly with the professor sticking to him like glue…that proved otherwise.

Whatever, today was the last day that old fossil hounded him on his vacation. No more ‘youngsters and their social media apps!’ when he himself is using Humblr like his ‘Straight A sons’ as he so proudly boasts all day.

He might as well humour the older male for once, tapping on the video sent below the overly professional message.

[Video processing]

As the video began to load, he was greeted by a auto-generated Half-Body thumbnail of the Professor. Presumably seated on a low-rising chair with his hand clasped on a table in front. Blank White background behind him, removing any other distractions to someone else.

It looked like one of those adverts from VideoTube, where a stereotypical asian tries to sell him something, make a dad joke, or promote the ‘brand new family-oriented social media app, Humblr!’

Which was not surprising, considering the nature of the professor…though he had to admit, he hadn’t had a good look at the man. Especially without his suit jacket, an above average build…straining against his white plain buttoned down tee, but without his usual necktie.

Carbon copy to many other teachers and church-going students of his kind, yet with tight, strong…strapping strong muscles. With a fierce forceful jawline to accommodate his harsh, remorseless tactics.

Complimenting his neatly trimmed and gently gelled cut in every year book, alongside those professionally prescribed spectacles over his dangerously thin lenses, a visage of an authoritarian man in complete control.

Keith generally topped…but dude, for some reason his pouch is really disagreeing with his previous biases and hatred towards the married man, how did he not realise how good-looking this bastard was?

Drool escaping his lips, as he starred blankly at the thumbnail of the prof, the small buffering spiral of circles glueing him to the screen. Left hand holding the phone, the right began churning his not so relaxed pouch, as fainter, subtile sentences flashed across the screen.

Activating School’s Hetwork…

Turning On RedTooth signals…

Accepting Admin position…

Keith didn’t understood what any of that meant, neither did he notice a certain wall mounted, television monitor turning by itself.

Hovering above eye level in front of him, as it began to buffer the same screen on his phone, before his mobile device goes completely blank, except the following words.

[Please direct your attention to the monitor above]

“Straight”

A single word, echoing from the speakers.

Straight…looking straight into the monitor. The professor in a much larger screen. His back straight as ever, as if it refused to be hunched in order to maintain its clean-cut.

Just a single word…already causing Keith’s chill-rod to POKE violently. Such boring, unsexy nerdy tension…getting this surfer dude all fiery down below.

He had no idea how this professor has such a hold on him…how he keeps coming back to him…How he physically and subconsciously listens to his suggestions, rolling his shoulders back out of a hunch, straightening his back as much as a gay man.

A lot of ‘straight’ tension poking out, wanting to get in bed with him so badly, but he was just barely out of the closet…after all the teacher always demanded things straight out of him…

Wait a sec…Wasn’t he out of-

“A-TENSION!”

A heavy bark sounded all around him, drilling into his ears from the speakers above as like a proud military man on duty. Like a direct command, eyes instinctively darting to the television hovering above. Left hand was raised into a salute, immediately dropping his phone…which fell to the ground.

He didn’t know why he obeyed the order so suddenly, much less from the incredibly hot man that he hate-admired so much!

“Men, with your level of qualifications you have been selected to be a part of our disciplinarian program.”

Disciplinarian program?

Wait…! He didn’t sign up for this! Sure he may have had extremely conflicted feelings for the older male…ever since he saw him in college? But No…that was not right, what does a lean chill surfer like him have to do in college?

But then again, he hadn’t surfed in forever, his very faint tan. Sure he was much older than most folks at the age of 27. But he had to focus on his scholarship…Adjusting his light blue short-sleeved buttoned down below and beige khakis, shifting about in his loafers as he remembered getting that, scholarship, but only a single one!

He had still worked out, but with less time he had to be efficient and dive in his studies. Though oddly enough, he his muscles were generally far more relaxed than how tense they are now. Nice buildup though over the years.

Overall he tried to keep his cool despite everything, but he had to admit…he did appreciate the tough love from his teachers and pushed on, securing his spot, though just barely.

Perhaps that was why they eventually introduced him to Mr Wong? Who recommended that he should be part of the program?

“Life’s full of collaboration with our fellow brothers, but with a little competition to incite our nature to do better…”

He had to admit, it felt good overtaking his entire class without fail. Yes he might be ‘cool’ at times, but he was a complete monster at his studies.

He a scholarship to maintain, a single aka Uni one…wait Uni? Yeah he graduated from University after all! Aced his scholarship without fail, full on focused and graduated at the age of 29.

Though it did feel odd why he finished school so late, he did have the results to show for it. Especially on his arms which really looked good despite his plain white long-sleeved buttoned down.

His figure definitely looked good at the end of all of it. And if he could unravel the dark grey dress pants he was wearing, most certainly a bunch of bachelors would ogle him as a result…despite the rules on campus.

Campus…oh right. Camp Christening was incredibly strict in its rules towards their students, though most of it are written in between the lines.

Perhaps this is why he wanted to participate in the program? He wanted to respect that, as dull tones of subordination rang from his polished dress shoes.

Especially with how the interview went with Mr Wong…and how much potential he saw from him despite still being a little…Queer in the edges.

Maybe it is out of familiarity…but how similar the discipline master was to the teachers’ who have changed his life is making him with to edge more!

He should felt rage the man for being overly homophobic and his jobs on how he was only a quarter Chinese…but for some reason, he doesn’t dislike the male…but rather-

“And while it is of the norm, ordinarily so to only best each other by a small margin, it nevertheless is the driving force to ensure we always remain on TOP!”

He wanted to beat the man at his own game! The 32 year old studied overtime despite his education and work in order to ensure he would eventually overtake the male.

It was in his blood after all, he was half Chinese. With a darker hair colour, a naturally tanned ethnicity and thinner eyes, it was clear that he had other stuff in his blood.

Which was why he was raised overseas, in order to adopt the culture from his grandparents yeah…the Straight A mentality passed down from generations.

And he absolutely thrived in it.

Excelling in his grades without fail, little to no distractions as he simply focused on being the TOP of his kind. Raised in such a competitive yet thriving environment, it wasn’t surprising that a man such as himself eventually followed and adopted the behaviours and culture of the men around him.

Their deceptively casual yet serious lingo, their various festivals and rules to abide by. Being a permanent resident, it was a necessity to do so, to behave like them! And especially the physical trainings of some men, and their utmost dedication to serve their country…HIS country.

“Of course, for the lucky few of you, you will join our ranks as someone of authority, just like the rest of us.”

Mr Keith smirked. Having an incredible sense of pride in his dark grey suit jacket, having succeeded in his application in becoming an educator in Camp Christening despite being a foreigner in the country.

But with how inclusive they are to asians as a whole, it was no surprise that he had succeeded in the interview. Sure the school had some policies that were a little more straight-laced, but it was nothing compared to how much it made him feel at home.

“The camp so good ah…amen.”

Though speaking of camps, it did not make sense why he had such long hair. Having serviced in his country’s military for a couple of years meant he would have to CUT it short, which is why he had shorter hair way above his neck…and having these long hair extensions on his buttoned down

Though that being said, why were they there, it felt really inappropriate for a 33 year old man such as himself. While still churning below with his right, Mr Keith released his left hand momentarily from the salute.

Being part of the teachers disciplining community meant that he had to know when to take responsibility for something out of line. As he adjusted the dark strands underneath his thicker collar, pulling it without remorse as they firmly settled into a simple sleek tie.

Likewise, he gave a few quick tugs on the area around his trim waist, before giving his rump a big-

SMACK!

As the traditional leather belt solidified around his waist. Tightening alongside his exit, for he remained on TOP and not the bottom…even during moments where he bent over and received due discipline…

It felt good, an Asian man looking like a traditional husband of the family. Sure it was quite a ‘backwards mentality’ to have all that pride and arrogance over some old fashioned values from the early past…

That people dont appreciate because they feel like its not worth appreciating. Yeah, the younger generations just simply try to force their values on traditionalists such as himself!

What utter disrespect!

They’ve simply been brainwashed by society! They are the backwards ones! Not understanding the values of going to church, being A MAN, a good self-DISCIPLINE to set an example for others.

And yes, they pointed out he might be a little taller, which might be a burden…but its nothing he can’t handle-

“Regardless, all of you will conform to our camp values and not stand out…”

Mr Keith absolutely hated how tall he was at 6ft 2, no wonder Wallace picked on him so much! But then again, it must be those new shoes he wore, he definitely was just only a few centimetres above the professor..wait no, actually he was just tip-toeing trying to scold a couple of backsliding idiots just beyond the a fence!

In reality, he was just barely a 5ft 11!

His height may be considered much taller compared to most asians. But he is within the world’s average! Besides, between him and Wallace, it is clear which of the two of them is more grounded…even if there’s a slight margin of difference between them.

“Stand up STRAIGHT!”

Speaking of differences, they were rather similar weren’t they? They were both STRAIGHT-laced authoritative men after all!

Even that student Percy Sim remarked on that and called him Mr Wong once…oh lordy, was his rump covered in red hand prints from his disciplinary spanks.

“Its Mr Kei…ang! I look like Wallace to you isit?”

Comments such as… ‘But you two share so many of the same ideas!’ And ‘Yeah Prof, you guys are basically a match made in heaven!’ Was that man trying to fail his class?!

Unacceptable!

Just because Mr. Wong and himself share similar traits, values, ideas, viewpoints, traditions, disciplines, and structures does not mean they are at all alike!

He ought to have a word with his father later…the man ought to instil more DISCIPLINE in the his son!

“Men really need not to fool around in this day and age! I swear-!”

In the HEAT of the moment thinking about discipline, one upping the other asians and potential fatherhood, he SLAMMED his fist down on the table, the force knocking over the bottles.

“OI BEHAVE!”

Can’t let distractions distract him from his duty, not when his mentor is watching him!

Matured, responsible hands hurriedly scooping up the bottles that fell on the ground. Bending over, bigger and thicker thighs rubbing against the everyday clean-cut fabric of his pants, sending the engaged man over the edge.

Doubling down his sense of duty as aged authoritarian palms SLAMMED each bottle in order on the banquet table.

All except one, gripping it tighter than ever.

“Quench your thirst, brothers…”

“Wah…stop teasing me-testing me sio!”

He had to muster his courage…muster his…master…Masters in discipline! It was simply part of the program and regimen!

Churning his compact, father-hood now with his right as he unzipped his package below. Holding the bottle on the left while he fished out his prized rifle down below.

To know when to abstain…and when to multiply.

Cupping his long weapon, compacting it with a firm fatherly GRIP! Mandarin oranges below swelled in experience, complimenting his rod of average length yet prominent girth. Their prominent hardness tells him only one thing.

This is when he has to multiply…

“With thoughts of your lovely wife.”

“Walao Ehh!!!”

Lovely wife? A husband? HIM? Wasn’t he g…GHEY? HEY! NO WAY! He was straight! No wonder he followed those rules flawless, he was one of them! One with his kind!

Shoulders APART! His broad chest and back filling out his suit like a real Patriarch. Thick and prominent neck built for loud shouts and disciplinary commands across campus!

It was the way it was expected from a traditional man like him! Which was no surprise that equally conservative women liked it! A Man that can produce REAL discipline, especially in the bedroom.

But that being said, that didn’t mean the 38 year old Mr Kei-ang was married! Sure he was looking for a g…J…Janet, and loved that random chi…his lovely girlfriend. He wanted to BE a husband. HER HUSBAND! Which is why he had a ring on his ring digit!

LIKE HIS WIFE’S!

He…HE IS A HUSBAND! Her husband! Marrying her with her all those years back! It was a big deal for the whole family! A fellow patriarch and matriarch getting together in holy matrimony, and not to mention the incredible time they had in bed…full of disciplinary action…especially towards him.

“Ohhh lordy…”

“Remember our logo, brethren…as you complete your fellowship.”

“A…A-MEN!”

His nostrils flared, yet properly angular as his ordinarily good-looks remained unscarred. Unpierced smaller, average sized ear-lobes cause What? He gay isit? Only women do that! Refusing any semblance of understanding as to why would some men do that!

He understands Asian-diversity…but It contradicts his traditional beliefs! With that, retreating back to his skull were lengths and lengths of overly long hair, leaving the sides and back shaved and the top a simple side cut like his fellow educators. Simple, strict and orderly! The way he always presented himself, the way the board of education demands of him, the way him and his wife likes it!

Eyes barely widening, glued to his narrow minded views as he stuck to the broadcast with proper arrogance..licking his thin lips, rising to a malevolent surrounded by aftershave of a manly jaw. Reserved for scolding of asian-kind…and the kissing of his dear ol wife.

Taking a deep breath alongside the recording of Wallace, ready to HUFF N PUFF AND-

“SHOUT OUR SLOGAN MEN, STRAIGHT-.”

“A-TENSION!”

Mr Gareth Kang, the Singaporean disciplinary master came at full force, firing his throbbing rifle without restraint, setting loose thick wads of goo deep into the empty bottle without reservation.

Giving a few quick whacks to his fatherhood, he stuffed his shorter, thicker member back in suit pants and zipped it up. Dusting his jacket as glared around suspiciously, giving his bottle a good firm SHAKE! Before sliding in his bottle with the rest of the unfinished batch.

He’d make a gentle reminder to his juniors to fill up the rest of the ‘non-bubbling’ ones, as he smirkingly eyed his noble prized solution hidden within the batch, looking forward to meeting the lucky fellow that joins his fellow disciplinary masters in due time.

But for now…he has a very special, yet short meetup with his supervisor, as the slightly older man arrived on the dot of the hour.

“Wah…good speech Wallace.”

“Hmph don’t patronise me Gareth, you know its simply a textbook order for our future recruits to behave.”

And indeed it was, clean-cut and straight to the point, the kind of standard the 41 year old lives and breathes by.

They needed to hire people whose both an expert enforcers in disciplinary measures, yet knows how to live by those standards he himself sets. Which was no surprise Mr Gareth Kang, former army sergeant and 10 year disciplinarian, became part of the team.

With completely no-nonsense approach, feared and respected by colleagues and students alike. It was all part of his training, to discipline others the way he would like to be disciplined.

Even towards his superior, who expected nothing less from him.

“Sure sure Wallace, almost Late, video sent 12:15pm.”

“Incorrect, I have already sent you a copy of my preliminary speech, an hour earlier.”

Wallace pointed to the mobile device on the ground.

While Gareth did use a laptop, he saw no point in having a modern phone when his Brick one had been fine for centuries. It was such a waste of money! His older model could be thrown without cracking!

He only had this new phone due to the school’s insistence of giving him one. It was supposedly an older model, but still felt too new for his tastes. Not to mention how easily its screen cracked after a single throw at a rebellious student…

Sliding open the phone, now clearly seeing the red notification in his email, next to the Humblr and Calculator App. Strange, He could’ve sworn some fool downloaded many more useless applications prior, clouding the entire screen.

He just might have to question his sons about it…but regardless, as Mr Wong mentioned opening the app, was the video.

“As your supervisor, I thought you might have wanted to inspect it much sooner…being my RIGHT-hand man.”

Mr Gareth Kang smirked.

Indeed, they might have a heated rivalry, but they were both men. Brothers in arms and in the church. Colleagues who are extremely close and identical in terms of methods, teachings and background.

Which was no surprise that they easily figured out what makes the other reach maximum productivity, as they continued to aid one another through the most simplest of gestures.

Even a no-nonsense man like him felt that it was endearing.

“Wah, so kind of you!”

“Respect your elders, Gareth, a considerable distance in public.”

“Of Course, Wallace.”

Moving away from his superior. They were only a year apart, but he understood and respected the fella despite their un-spoken rivalry.

That being said, a man like him definitely knows how to subtly skirt the rules to his advantage, just like how he got with his wife.

Knowing how to get under the everyone’s skin! Both literally and figuratively. Every member of the Kang family had their expertise, and discipline was his. That was his calling, and why people kept calling him for his duties.

“Thought you sent it to a different Mr Kang...”

“Hmph…A Man like me wouldn’t be so careless to leak out confidential information!”

Bickering, comparing their fruitful endeavours throughout the morning with utter aggression mixed with respect. It was another routine between the two men, as their heated discussion trailed onto their commitments, their utmost dedication to their students, sunday gatherings, and how great their wives and family are.

Neither of them would admit it, but the two of them were essentially the same.

Knowing how to really appreciate the most ordinary of things while enforcing strict discipline in maintaining the generational tradition.

Indeed, which is why they always riled the other up, keeping the other scoffing beneath their attire without mercy as they selfishly withheld their A-MEN card in every topic, threading between the thin lines of respect and competition.

Arguing despite seeing eye to eye with the other, just so they will have a private game of pure straights…

“Mahjong, this Saturday weekend, in the teacher’s lounge.”

“Make it evening, Janet and the kids are visiting the grandparents in the morning.”

The two men shake hands vigorously, professional…yet with utmost fire as they smirked at each other cunningly, seeing eye to eye in their respective mirrors. Ready to one up the other without fault.

Unlike some of his more outgoing colleagues of other tribes, Mr Kang intends on pulling no stops to his fiercest rival in the workplace, something…while silent, is simply what both of them desire from the other.

A fierce authoritarian battle, between two asian men.

Releasing their firm handshake, they parted their ways, walking in opposite directions. They have their own respective tasks before the announcement later, being the main two authorities in charge of it.

There is much more discipline to be done, a bunch of students to be yelled at and ordered to be in attendance at the auditorium, and many more bottles to be prepared.

Why were there so little bottles prepared ah? He ought to cane the fella who he put in charge of this…give him a good whack behind…wait! Whacking! Wah…He almost forgot!

“Oi!”

Calling out to his authoritarian in crime, he had remembered that he had left the most important thing back in their previous venue!

Punishment for insubordination in losing the mahjong game…and a necessary tool in order to ensure maximum production and discipline for their cause.

Whipping men into shape, something neither got tired off regardless of whether they are on the giving, or receiving end. In which both Mr Gareth Kang and Mr Wallace Wong would be more than happy to give at a moment’s notice.

After all, a man can only enforce as much as he receives…

“Bring the belts Ah!”

[antitheticaldreamgirl-13]

Because I am an intellectual who is very very wise and thus always considers both sides, I was thinking about Hetlors and just making sure there was no validity to their arguments…

It’s pretty clear to me (although of course we can never know for sure) that Taylor is queer in some way. Yes, there can be coincidences. Yes, sometimes Swifties read too much into things. But….at some point it’s like…this is too much evidence, yk? So the argument that it’s so “weird” and such a “stretch” to say that she might be bisexual or lesbian or whatever is quite honestly sort of bizarre to me.

But then, of course, there is the argument that we shouldn’t speculate about people’ sexuality. That we shouldn’t out people. And I would totally agree with this. I do agree. At the same time, though, Taylor PRIDES herself for her easter eggs, for her hints, for her, dare I say it, “hairpin drops,” and she obviously knows about the Gaylor theories, so why would she continue to do things that just add fuel the fire? Like?? How does that make sense??? She’s not just any person. She’s not just any celebrity. She’s Taylor Freaking Swift, and when she wears the bisexual colors, when she calls an ex a “argumentative antithetical dream girl” in a song, when she says that GAY PRIDE IS WHAT MAKES HER HER, she very well knows that people are going to speculate. Honestly literally anybody, not just Taylor, would be able to predict the reactions. She might be straight (though I highly doubt it), but even if she is, she’s obviously fine with the speculation. Same thing if she is gay/bisexual. She has never explicitly stated that she is straight. She just said that she wasn’t part of the community, which she in a way isn’t regardless of her sexuality.

Obviously nobody should force her to come out or do anything that would make her uncomfortable, and obviously Gaylor theories are just theories and speculation (just as Hetlor ones are). But I think that most of the Gaylors understand this. However, Hetlors don’t. They are so sure of themselves, so sure that they are correct, that, to them, their theories aren’t speculation, and if they are, it’s okay for some reason? It’s just so hypocritical.

it’s just. Ugh.

Also one more point: there is a huge difference between analyzing an artist’s lyrics and the stuff they themselves put out there vs. stuff that was reported about them that largely out of their control. Artists deserve privacy obviously. However, if an artist *talks and references* something that they might not have wanted to come out thing in a song or whatever, then it’s different. Kissgate is a good example of this. She didn’t choose for people to make videos of her supposedly kissing Karlie, but she did choose to write a song that was pretty queer-coded where she talked about kissing someone in a crowded room….so…..yeah….

That’s all. Have a great morning/afternoon/night!

[semper-legens]

110. Class A, by Robert Muchamore

Owned: No, library Page count: 291 My summary: It's the first real mission for CHERUB agent James Adams, and he's in for a treat. Taking down a major drug gang by befriending the leader's son isn't going to be easy, but James and his friends have been trained for this. But James has other problems. His love life, for one. Does Kerry feel the same way he does? And will it matter if they can't get this guy to justice? My rating: 3/5 My commentary:

I don't know how I feel about the CHERUB books. I remember being really into them when I was a kid - as I was reading, I recalled plot points and events with some clarity - but in retrospect I'm not sure what I saw in them. There is a lot to like here, don't get me wrong, especially if one happens to be an eight to twelve year old who thinks they could totally be a super spy if given half the chance. But I don't think it holds up particularly well, even when placed in the standards of its time. This book came out in the mid-2000s, and it shows in a lot of ways. I really wish the series was about one of the other characters, because James is very much not working for me right now.

So let's talk about James. In a lot of ways, James is exactly the stand-in for the young reader that you might expect. He's boistrous, rebellious, too cool for school, but he's also smart, strong, and brave. Unfortunately, he also shows the same social attitudes as a kid in the 2000s. He's horribly sexist to all the girls in CHERUB bar his sister, and his affections bounce around easily. He's also homophobic - when his roommate/friend Kyle tells James that he is gay, James immediately thinks that it's disgusting and wrong and he doesn't want to hear any more about it. And that's never really questioned by the narrative. Other characters give it the token 'ugh James Kyle's just Kyle there's no need to be grossed out by him', but James doesn't lose any friends over it, and Kyle seems mostly okay with the proceedings. Disappointed, obviously, but there's not a lot of pushback, which feels like an oversight. James just lost all my sympathy, really - he's rapidly becoming kind of a shitty kid.

The mission itself is for the kids to befriend the children of a particular cocaine dealer, in order to bust him. James, Kyle, Kerry, and Nicole are all posing as the adopted children of mission controller Zara, and each have a target to befriend and use to gather information. James has no problem fitting in with the bad boy crowd, but Kerry struggles with her target, feeding into her sense of inferiority. She winds up getting with a different kid, and finding where the dealer is packaging his drugs, which is a huge breakthrough. But it's James' friendship with Junior, the dealer's son, that really pays dividends, as James becomes a street seller for the dealer and earns his respect so much that he's invited on holiday to Miami with them. Of course. I would have liked to have seen a bit more balance showing how all the kids are working, but we're tight on James' POV and, while I guess that makes sense, it did make it seem like James and to a lesser extent Kerry were the only ones truly working this mission.

Speaking of the mission, I've talked in my last CHERUB post about this story's relationship to realism. CHERUB supposedly has an ethics committee, who clears the mission concepts before the kids even see them, and sets strict rules. As this mission involves dealing with class A drugs, the kids are warned that any class A drug use by them will result in expulsion from CHERUB. Which comes back to bite Nicole and Kyle. Nicole was only on this mission because our fearless hero recommended her, because he wanted to get in her pants. Smooth. She ends up having a breakdown because of her own trauma and issues, taking a bunch of coke, and needing to be hospitalised. Naturally, she has to leave CHERUB, though they set her up with a foster family and a therapist, which is probably the right call. Kyle, however, is found to have traces of weed in his system; not a class A drug, but also a punishable offence. Poor Kyle can't catch a break. It's also interesting how quickly the situation in Miami deteriorates. James has a plan, but is forced to abandon it when the situation escalates out of control, and he winds up having to shoot someone. He's pretty messed up about it, but justifies it as doing what he needed to stop the bad guys. Which. This series likes to set up its criminals as the bad guys, much as James and co have issues seeing them as more than 'my friend's dad' or suchlike. It's an interesting assumption, but I'll talk about that more when I talk about the next CHERUB book.

Next, some spooky tales of winter hauntings.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #151

Regular or curly fries? Eh, no opinion, really. I will say curly fries are less likely to be too hard and crunchy, though. I like soft fries.

Popsicles or ice cream? Ice cream for sure, I'm not a massive popsicle person, but I'll eat them.

Are school dances lame? Haha I went to two proms and I can confidently tell you they're overrated and you can't hear a damn thing over the music. The experience was still fun each time though.

Do you own a nightgown? No, I haven't since I was a child.

If you have younger siblings, are you very protective of them? To a reasonable degree, I think.

If you have older siblings, are they very protective of you? I don't know, Ashley's never been very expressive of it if she is.

Is there a lake near your house? No.

Have you ever tried cocaine? No, I will never go near that.

Consumed alcohol in the past 24 hours? Nah, been a while since I've had alcohol.

When is the next time you will kiss someone? Whenever I see Girt again, I'm sure.

Did the last person you touched lips with have a kid? No, but he does call Roman "son" and it's adorable lol

Do your hipbones protrude? oh trust me, they don't but wish they subtly did.

What did you last get forced into doing? uh not sure

Do you have a gay uncle? No.

Do you like ice cream cake? I've actually never been big on ice cream cake. Like it's fine sometimes, but true cake is so much better.

What is the exact time that you were born? Supposedly 11:30 AM.

Do hospitals freak you out? Not neeeaaarly as much as they used to, just from the experience of going so many times. I don't like them though, and going inside one does give me minor anxiety still.

What about cemeteries at night? I've never been in a cemetery at night, but I'm quite certain it wouldn't scare me at all.

Do you ever feel guilty after you masturbate? The extremely few times I did it, yes, because of primarily 1.) social stigma of women doing that, and then 2.) stigma of fat people doing it. I also grew up thinking it wasn't okay to do, and even though I haven't thought that in a very, very long time now, it was so deeply instilled that it wasn't easily ignored.

What is the most you have ever weighed? ugh I don't even really wanna share this, but my highest was 290-something pounds. I'm rather far from that now, but still too much for me and it makes me hate my body.

What do you think of feminism? It's fucking mandatory, but NOT to the point of misandry; there are absolutely radicals that give feminism an awful name.

Have you ever done anything sexual with the same sex? Yes.

Girls, how old were you when you first learned how to put in a tampon? Uh I want to say family life class (basically sex ed) in the 4th or 5th grade; 5th grade we learned about actual sex, but 4th was about our own body parts, but I feel like we girls were only shown pads? No one ever really showed me how to do it, it just kinda came naturally when I'm assuming I read the box, I really don't recall when I initially changed from pads to tampons. I DO remember I was afraid of putting it up my urethra if that tells you how fucking shitty our school was about familiarizing ourselves with our bodies thoroughly.

Have you ever been to Canada? No, but I'd love to.

What would you do if an old man grabbed your ass? Slap the shit out of him.

Do you like mustaches? No opinion, they look great on some people and then there's the guys that just look like a straight-up predator with them, but ultimately you do whatever the hell you want with your body hair.

Did you like the Spice Girls when you were little? I did.

Have you ever seen a dead body in person? Yeah, at a wake.

Have you ever seen The Goonies? Yes, but I don't remember it well.

Do you like your hair pulled? I am very doubtful I would enjoy this.

Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Yeah, at least post-breakup, he did love me once.

Have you ever dreamt about your crush/significant other? Yeah.

Did you play with kids in your neighborhood when you were little? Just one. Well, my older sister had a friend she would play with, but I didn't.

Did you have a security blanket/stuffed animal you always slept with? Yes, at first it was a baby bunny holding a polka-dotted blanket but eventually became a stuffed moose I named Brownie.

What was your favorite childhood TV show? Pokemon.

Movie? The Lion King, and later and probably more intensely Finding Nemo.

What do you feel is the best source of venting sorrow or anger? Writing. Other artistic creations as well.

Can the future be predicted? I don't believe so, no, other than very obvious cases of cause and effect; for example, it's easy to predict what climate change is going to do, but I don't believe you can predict like, winning the lottery or some shit.

Are there a lot of seagulls where you live? Not a lot, but they do exist regularly, which is strange because we live like, two hours from the beach. They seem to be most prevalent in large parking lots for some reason, lol.

What is your favorite manga series? Never read manga, not interested.

Do you know anyone who wears hijab? Not personally, no.

Ever been to a desert? No, but it's a major goal of mine to visit the Kalahari Desert someday, and hopefully more of Africa.

What is your favorite kind of cracker? Cheez-Its.

Can you name a single song by Billy Joel without looking it up? I can name quite a few, but my favorite is probably "Uptown Girl." I grew up hearing him because my dad is a fan, Mom hates him though haha.

Do you wish life functioned more similarly to video games, such as having a save file that you could return to after you make a mistake & therefore you could erase that from happening & start over anew? Eek, not too sure about "save files," as appealing as it sounds on the surface it would take away the real meaning of experiencing life, and I'm sure we would also get very obsessed with going back and correcting every single tiny thing we slipped up on.

Do you like regular peppermint candy canes, or do you prefer different flavored ones [fruits, bubble gum, cinnamon, etc.]? I really like the Starburst-flavored ones.

Do you have any Facebook friends that have profile pictures of someone/something other than themselves? Yeah, I'm sure I do.

Was the last person you hung out with single? No, he's in a relationship with me.

Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? I am very, very grateful I haven't been.

Do you like drinking diet sodas? No, diet sodas are awful to me.

Have you ever cooked for anyone other than yourself? Yes, as a teen I used to make cheesy scrambled eggs in a way my family really liked, which was honestly just hot sauces from Taco Bell and then salt and pepper lol, they were really good though; my older sister went to Taco Bell a lot so we almost always had a stock of the hot sauces.

Who was the last person that cried in your presence? My mom, I think.

Is there anyone of the opposite sex you trust fully? Girt.

Do you have big eyes or small eyes? Neither, I think. I'd say they're pretty proportional, but I'd LIKE big eyes, they're cute as hell. Well, I suppose it's something I would probably be self-conscious of IF I had them because I'm sure I'd worry I looked bug-eyed or something... ya always want what you don't have, I guess.

Do you or anyone you know have a lazy eye? Yes, I even think I slightly do.

Do you wear eyeshadow often? If so, what colors? IF I ever wear eyeshadow, it's always black.

Have you ever had pink eye before? No.

Name some sights that are appealing to you. Especially grand, attractive landscapes like mountains, waterfalls, desert dunes, foggy woods, etc., as well as gems of all kinds, moss, cool mushrooms, obviously flowers, big or unique trees, snail's shells and conch shells, fossils, amber as well as diaphonized specimens, jellyfish, outer space (I DESPERATELY want to go somewhere like in a desert with no light pollution where I can see the stars perfectly at night!!), really clear water (especially the ocean when it's like aquamarine!), colorful sunsets and sunrises, eclipses and the full moon, snow (especially the flakes in macro lenses!), fire... just nature, dude. You can't find better appealing sights. Also wanna mention I love those little sparklers that you can hold in your hand, you get 'em with fireworks and they're probably the only kind I condone with how tiny and undisruptive they are.

Do you enjoy watching 3D movies, or do the glasses give you a headache? I haven't watched many at all, but I do enjoy it.

Do you get dizzy, have blurred vision, or vertigo often? I get very dizzy when I stand because I have naturally low blood pressure that is made even lower by the meds I have to take for my nightmares.

How often did you used to get ear infections as a child? So regularly that I had to get tubes put in my ears before I was even two. I've been told they were probably so regular because of how tiny my ears are, lol. Doctors still point it out.

What are some sounds that are pleasant to your ear? I LOVE the sound of water, especially when it's quietly moving in like a small creek or even just moving yourself through a pool, windchimes, fire crackling, violins, electric guitars, flutes and piccolos, harps, pianos/organs, birdsong, bells (especially big ones like church bells), and I'm sure it's partially pure bias, but I really do love listening to meerkats chatter. Man this question and the one about pleasant sights made me really happy, I liked focusing on it and thinking. <3

Do you or anyone you know have an auditory processing issue? Yes, literally me; it wasn't until a few years ago that I even learned it was a thing, but ever since childhood, I often hear what's just indistinguishable sound in my ears, like it doesn't make words, just pure sound, and I've always been extremely self-conscious of it because I very often have to ask people to repeat themselves, ESPECIALLY in loud environments, and I've also noticed I'm more prone to doing it when I'm anxious about me doing it.

Do you have a large, medium, or small nose? Smaller, but not super small.

What are some of the best smells, in your opinion? Ohhhhh bread products above all, ESPECIALLY freshly baked, like that is THE best, and I also particularly love cinnamon rolls. The smell of coffee is fantastic, and I enjoy the smell of flowers like lilacs and honeysuckle. Vanilla is nice and subtle.

Do you grind your teeth at night in your sleep? No.

Have you ever lost your voice before? If so, when was the last time? Yes; the last time was when I had Covid.

How frequently do you experience dry mouth? Literally constantly, as a side effect of probably MOST of my meds, so this shit stacks. It's fucking awful.

Who was the last person to kiss your cheek? I'm sure it was Girt.

Do your cheeks get extra red in any of the following instances: sickness/fever, drinking alcohol, cold/windy weather, embarrassment, or infatuation? I know my face gets red with alcohol, very quickly, and I definitely do against cold and windy weather too, but I thought everyone did with that. I probably get red when embarrassed too just with how severely I experience embarrassment. I'm not sure about the two others, but I would not put it past my face turning red with romantic butterflies, but no one's ever pointed it out.

Has anyone ever slapped you across the face before? If so, what was the reason? No, not the face.

Do you have any scars on your face? On my chin.

Would you ever consider getting a facelift or Botox? I very much doubt it.

[falsebooles123]

Ugh I'm late again - Diary of a Big Ole Gay 02/06/2023

Hey Whores sorry to be the bearer of bad news but I am one tardy ass whore lately, sorry about that.

(me casually forgetting what I'm doing on this app all the time)

so I it the I guess only 6 days since my last review huh I managed to set up a parttime gig with a local eatery so bitch your whores job search is over!!!!

(me when they ask me why I want to work for them)

on that note I have been very lazy this week. Also I have come down with a head cold which is very gross and has left me tired during my screduled "watching a movie because it gives me seratonin" hours.

So I have taken a couple days off this week but I still managed to watch a few, courtesy of Internet Archive. They pages don't always index in the search engine but I was able to 5 (additional) films on there. (for you queer cinema sluts Queen Christina, I was a Male War Bride, Olivia, The Strange ONe, Tea and Sympathy, and Reflections in a Golden Eye.), which is great because I have no budget for this project and that saved me 25 bucks. The only bad news this week is that HBO MAX no longer carries Cat People (1942). SAD

Draculas Daughter (1936) dir. Lambert Hillyer

Draculas Daughter is the sequel to the classic Universal Picture Dracula (1931), (yes I have seen the original), based on a short story excised from the original Bram Stroker Novel. That is that it is only tangentently related to said short story and the whole production rights is due to a lot of really boring behind the scenes drama. You get it its hollywood it has to be tied to some kind of IP.

In this one Dracula has a daughter who doesn't want to be a vamp and is fighting her vampiric origins going to the point of calling up a psychoanaylsist to cure her of her urges. Oh by the way this is protrayed onscreen is her ravising a young damsel with her titties out.

So yeah vampirism in this film is like totally not a metaphor for being a lesbian, HAES PRUDES, (wink).

Supposedly, the queer overtones were toned down in the final project but you still have what is objectable a pretty queer character and even the marketing plays into it, (she gives you that weird feeling).

Now this film while interesting is rather slow so this is definetly only for the serious lesbian vampire lover, for those more casual into the scene may I recommend its unofficial remake, Nadja (1994). Oh which we must always stan and simp for.

Queen Christina (1933) dir. Rouben Mamoulian

Queen Christina is a historical drama based on the biography of Queen Christina of Sweedan. so lets talk about her for a sec.

Chrisitina of Swedan was a monarch from 1626 - 1689, in which she abdicated her throne for a variety of reasons, including the fact that she had converted to catholicism. She was raised, "as a boy", in the sense that her father gave her a education and allow her to persue masculine persuits. She was well known for dressing in a masculine fashion which rose to rumors that she was either a lesbian or intersex. Oh wait theres a great quote for this.

 According to Veronica Buckley, Christina was a "dabbler" who was "painted a lesbian, a prostitute, a hermaphrodite, and an atheist" by her contemporaries, though "in that tumultuous age, it is hard to determine which was the most damning label".

The rumors of her being intersex seems to be unsubstantiated and it should be noted that when you look at a lot of historical gender varient people theres a lot of push to find a biological essentialist view on why. Famous Trans people like Lily Elbe and Christina Jorgensine had intersex qualities so people try to find out if some random butch dyke from the 17th century had overian cysts because thats clearly the only reason why a woman would like to wear pants.

However there is a lot stronger evidence that she liked to eat that kitty. Pictured above is a fictional version of Ebba Sparre who she has a sort of Rosalind relationship with. Its intimate but like they totally just friends. In real life its very likely that they were lesbain lovers.

The actually film itself keeps the butch elements of Queen Christina life but gives both of these women a nice little heterosexual romance. I feel that the strength of the film comes from Greta Garbos performance, she was a WLW and she has this type of Glamour.

Like Dietrich she plays this sexual vivacious almost femme tops. Its very bisexual, very commanding, and there is something just scruptious of all these butch dykes in 30s films. They were like we want woman wearing pants, we want mommy to step on us.

What I'm saying is that Cate Blanchette in Nightmare Alley is historcial accurate.

Orpheus (1950) dir. Jean Cocteau

This is the second film in the Ophic Trilogy by Jean Cocteau. The whole thing is a bunch of abstract experimental films playing around with these notions of the artist and more specifically the myths of Orpheus (duh) and Narcissis, (thats where all the mirror stuff comes in).

There are a lot better and more thourough essays on the topic but essentially the versions he uses are kinda gay Cocteau is super gay and its just him being a little gay having fun and having a blonde twink simp for a butch dommy mommy.

its not the most explicet gay film like Un chant d'amour but as an arthouse film its actually pretty cool. I would recommend you check it out.

Everything Else I Watched

So It turns out not much. I watched the Bowery (1994) by Sara Driver. It was a 10 minute experimental doc that she shot about the Bowery Street in New York. It is very cool and very fun to watch its on Le Cinema Club at the time of writing.

I also watched two random silent comedies that were on my watchlist but I was very drunk when I watched them so I don't remember much.

[ksfoxwald]

I just find my current fascination with the Babysitter's Club fascinating on a meta level because I would have absolutely hated these books as a proto-queer dragon-loving child (I would have gone absolutely feral over Wings of Fire, even more so than I am now).

But as an adult I'm like, these are a masterclass in character building and episodic storytelling (HP killed the chapter book, but that's it's own post). And the graphic novels are a masterclass in adapting media to other formats. And even though I can't relate to the actual story events - babysitting, crushes, engaging in girl culture - I can relate to the feelings. Being embarrassed, getting carried away, trying to fit it - those are pretty universal.

Actually, besides the clothes, not many details had to be updated from the 80s. Pretty much every book has at least one passage that goes "So-and-so is sooo fashionable; for example today she was wearing [the most bonkers 80s outfit you can imagine]"

A few other things that got adjusted:

When Kristy's mom is getting married it's a plot point that "oh no, we sold the house earlier than expected so now we have to hold the wedding earlier than expected, because we can't move in with each other before we're married!" The GN throws in a line about the stepdad's family being religious.

When Logan Bruno, the "boy babysitter" joins the club as an associate member, in the books he decides not to come to meetings because it throws off the vibe; they can't talk about girl things like bras if a boy is present (funnily enough, the only time anyone ever mentions a bra at a club meeting is when Logan is present). But now it's supposedly less weird for girls and boys to hang out in mixed gender groups, so they had to give him a schedule conflict.

Which! Is really interesting, actually, that writers would think a lone boy in a group of female friends wouldn't be weird. I know kids gender less now than they used to, but they still gender quite a bit. We still live in a heteronormative society, just one where kids know that gay people exist, and that means that interactions across gender are weird, especially among tweens. But kidlit keeps pushing for less gender. Every book (particularly fantasy) must have a Boy and a Girl protagonist, and they are each allowed a maximum of 1 line to express feelings about gender.

It might feel counterintuitive for a nonbinary/agender person to be arguing for more gender in kidlit, but I'm frustrated. Kidlit is trying to present a washed out image of gender, and for me, gender is and has always been painfully sharp. It is jarring to read books where Boy and Girl friendship pairings are the default while living in a world where single-gender friend groups are the norm. People not acknowledging gender actually does make it harder for me to be nonbinary, because they're still doing gender even if they're not talking about it, and then you have to be the one to bring it up, and then it's "why is everything about gender with you?" Ugh. Gender.

Groups vs. Pairs is another issue. I suppose it's simpler, particularly in fantasy, to have a pair of protagonists rather than keeping track of a large group. (Animorphs did it, though. Just sayin') BSC showcases some very intricate group dynamics, how some members are closer than others and some have recurring personality conflicts and how various circumstances change their relationships.

Gender, though. Strangely enough, that is part of why I'm so fixated on this series. Because these books are full of gender. These are girls being loudly and unabashedly girly, experimenting with ways to express that and navigating society's expectations of it. It's like cis people nowadays are afraid to talk about gender, because gender belongs to the transes, and they miss the deep, deep irony that they are the ones who make the most gender. Just. I don't know. I'm running out of brainpower here. Something something letting cis people gender hard actually frees trans people to gender hard as well?

Or maybe it's just the validation that girls were exactly as girly and alienating as I remember. I am out of brain. But between BSC and my Animorphs re-read, there's going to be a lot of retro kidlit on this blog for a while.

[itsclydebitches]

Why do people get hung up on whether a gay person in media is a good or bad representation of them? I'm gay and I can tell you we aren't all the same? Being gay is our 1 common trait. So as long as they're gay then you've done it. Gay people can be kind, mean, racist, open, kinky, reserved, shy, outgoing, sexist, and literally anything else under the human experience.

Because I am perpetually hungry, let's tell a story about cookies.

You are a bright-eyed, optimistic, baker in the making. Your goal is to wow the world with your culinary skills, so of course you head to The Best Baking School for your degree. Over the course of your studies you learn how to perfect a thousand different cakes, an equal number of pies, and more versions of brownies than most would even assume exist. But cookies... oh, cookies are your passion! You can't wait to learn about the wealth of cookies you can make too. Then, sure enough, that part of your education finally arrives.

Funny thing is though, it's just chocolate chip.

Surely there's been some mistake? The cookie experience is vast and nuanced! Why in the world are your instructors — supposedly the best in the world — reducing cookies to a single class about baking chocolate chip and chocolate chip alone? Hell, why are cookies so sparse in the curriculum as a whole? You're never asked to bake them as a demonstration, or practice with them, and they're definitely not a given across everyone else's baking experience. Cakes, pies, and brownies... they're the default. Cookies are comparatively rare and when you do get to study them, everyone is super focused on the chocolate chip.

Then you graduate and head out into the world, only to find that pretty much everyone is as cookie-blind as your school. A few years back you never would have found cookies in the average grocery store and yeah, the fact that there's a cookie section now is great, but it's, uh... all chocolate chip! Many bakeries still don't carry cookies at all, but when they do it's - again - chocolate chip. Chocolate chip out in restaurants. Chocolate chip at the bake sale. Your friend invites you over and proudly presents a massive sweets tray that includes a single, sad looking, chocolate chip cookie. They beam at you in pride. Isn't it so great?

"Uh..." you say. "Well..."

Every once in a while someone will switch out milk chocolate for dark chocolate, or add nuts alongside chocolate chips. One bakery was even crazy enough to exclude chocolate chips entirely! Crazy according to the press, anyway. Because for years now you've been shaking your head, wondering what exactly is so progressive about realizing that sugar cookies exist. You've found other bakers interested in cookies and, by god, there are thousands. So many flavors! Gluten free and allergy conscious! Someone even made a sweets tray that was predominantly cookies, can you believe it? The problem is, almost none of them are mainstream. Your friend baking cookies out of their personal kitchen is doing fantastic work, but their baking doesn't have the impact that those grocery chains and established bakeries do. Their work isn't going to fix your school's curriculum. Too many people still think that cookies are exotic somehow. They're not the default. And when they do acknowledge their existence, it's chocolate chip over and over. Until one of them adds those nuts and suddenly the whole country is losing its mind about how inspired, creative, progressive their baking is. Meanwhile, you're ready to scream because that baker doesn't even know that something as "exotic" as a gingersnaps exist!

The worst part? Most of these cookies are... bad. Like they exist, yeah, but good god most don't taste good. And that's the whole point of a cookie?? What is the point of buying cookies if the cookies themselves are awful? You go to these bakeries, these restaurants, your friend's house, and you try the very limited cookies on offer, only to find that they've been sloppily baked. Doesn't anyone care that the baker burned their cookies to a crisp? That another straight up forgot to add sugar? This one dropped his on the floor and still tried to serve it to you! But the overall sense is that you should be grateful for getting any cookies at all. "That cookie is an offense to my taste buds," you say and people shake their head at you, disappointed. "I liked the taste of it," one says. "If you don't like it, go buy a different cookie!" Well... easier said than done. "It's not that bad," another says, shrugging in defeat. "I mean yeah, I don't really like it, and the baker stopped making them two years ago... but I'm just happy to have had any cookie at all, you know?" You do know, but that doesn't mean it's any less frustrating. You look at the hundreds of cakes available, these bakers spending decades perfecting their recipes, and wish cookies had even a fraction of that work put into them. You find people who agree with you, absolutely, but there's this this prevailing sense that a cookie is a cookie. Any cookie will do. Supposedly.

Except go long enough and you feel like you're ready to lose your mind. You take some poor person by the shoulders and go, "Doesn't this bother you? Doesn't this make you furious? There is more to the cookie world than these three flavors, 90% of which is chocolate chip! And we deserve well-made cookies, not the crap they've been upholding as the next culinary masterpiece!"

But this person just shakes their head. "Well of course there's more to cookies than three flavors. There's a huge variety of cookies! I know that."

"Yes, but the world isn't selling that variety."

"Of course they are! Just last week I had an oatmeal raisin. That's amazing!"

"Yeah and how many years did it take you to find that?"

"Well..."

"And how did that oatmeal raisin cookie taste?"

Your prisoner pulls a face. "Ugh, not good. Oatmeal raisin is definitely not for me. It's hard as a rock! I really don't understand why someone would want to eat that on a regular basis."

"But it's not supposed to be hard as a rock!" you cry, waving your arms. "That's the problem! Oatmeal raisin is so goddamn rare and then the one time we get it, it was badly baked. Of course people are turned off by it. Everyone who already loves oatmeal raisin is getting pissed because their favorite cookie is misrepresented, they're unlikely to see more of them now, and everyone is still serving the most tasteless chocolate chip cookies I've ever had, acting like this is the pinnacle of cookie baking! Do you even know that a macron exists?"

The person pats your hand consolingly. "Of course I do. My roommate's sister's boyfriend used to bake macrons, you know. I don't know why you're so hung up on this. Cookies can be whatever the baker wants them to be. Provided they're a flat-ish sweet cake, they're still a cookie!"

You hang your head, giving up. "Yes, they can be so many things, but they're not. Let me know if you ever find a bakery actually making the variety you keep acknowledging exists. Bonus points if those cookies are edible. My soul if they're delicious, as a cookie should be."

"You know," they say, still patting your hand. "There's a bakery making chocolate chip with dark chocolate next year. Everyone is talking about it. You should think about buying one before they take it off the menu!"

You contemplate just walking into the ocean.

Now, incredibly long metaphor concluded... switch out "cookies" for "queer rep"! The representation matters because no, just making them gay isn't enough right now. You're right that queer people can be anything under the sun, but right now media isn't providing us with that variety. It's not enough to acknowledge that such variety exists, it actually has to make it into our books and onto our screen. Taking just characters who identify as gay and putting aside the HUGE variety of other identities for a moment (of which we are mostly lacking in terms of rep), where are the gay asexuals? The gay people of color? The disabled gays? Trans gays? Did your gay character appear for just a handful of episodes? Were they killed off? Are they nothing more than a stereotype or comic relief? Is this the only gay character in your entire story? We need to ask questions like this because though gay people can be anything under the sun, our media landscape has only shown a miniscule portion of that variety.

Today, even in 2021, our representation of gay people is still pretty limited to:

You are only coded as gay and evil

You are only coded as gay and queerbaited

You are canonically gay, but a cis, ablebodied, white person

You are canonically gay, but were written terribly/killed off/punished by the narrative/generally making the real gay people watching you feel awful about their identity

You are canonically gay, but you're not human. Gotta other the queerness by making you an alien/robot/fantasy being

You are canonically gay and that's your entire existence. There is one (1) narrative of how you knew by the time you were four, never questioned your identity after that, suffered through a family that rejected you, and now all your major arcs revolve around being gay. You are gay and that is it.

Despite being a list of six, that's still incredibly limiting. Are there exceptions to such a list? Always, but that doesn't mean the list isn't still dominating. We can look at any individual gay character and say, "Of course they can be evil/white/killed off/a joke/etc. because gay people can be anything at all," but when we look at the trends, when we look at ALL the media together, we see that gay people aren't actually depicted as being anything... they're depicted as being these handful of things, severely limiting how gayness is represented. Bad rep. If you hit up the bakery and question why there's only versions of chocolate chip available yeah, the baker can go, "But cookies can be any flavor! Including chocolate chip!" They are not, technically, wrong. The problem is not that chocolate chip exists, but that chocolate chip dominates and other flavors are rare, ignored entirely, or baked so badly it's actively damaging to that flavor as a whole. Yeah, your gay character can be mean. Or kinky. Or murdered by the story. But when so many gay characters are mean and kinky and murdered by their stories — when you're not getting other versions to balance that out and gay characters are still rare enough that it's just 1-2 characters trying to carry representation for an entire franchise — you start realizing that the claim of "Gay people can be anything else under the human experience" is an easy way to shut down the conversation of whether that variety actually exists in our storytelling yet.

It's not enough for the baker to acknowledge that yeah, of course there are hundreds of cookie flavors and of course cookies taste great! They've actually got to learn how to bake them properly and fill up their store with them.

[chalkrevelations]

So, Word of Honor, Episode 36 (and “Episode” 37) again, because I want to do a little bit more unpacking of this, particularly with some of the extra material and information that people have been able to point me to.

Spoilers, obvs. For right now, I mainly want to pull out this bit of my initial reaction to 36 & 37, because I think it remains a key point for me:

It would be nice, though, if the connective tissue from 36 to 37 made any sense. Or existed whatsoever. Just, like, throw me a bone, show, some kind of explicit hand-waviness that actually gets mentioned for why Ye Baiyi apparently was not as smart as he thought he was and didn’t really know what he was talking about when he was doomsaying about how one of the pair will surely, oh surely perish. None of this “Sooooo, they managed to figure out the technique and master it?” from some random shidi who never actually gets an answer. I mean, the door was left open for fanwankery on this one, with what looks to be a very last-minute conceit of all this being a story told by grown-up Chengling to his disciples, which begs the question of how much of what he’s telling them is totally accurate, given any number of issues …

I do feel like there’s an interesting meta thing going on here, in that the entire show has been about – let’s be honest, it was never really about the plot – queer-coding this couple in ways that supposedly fly enough under the radar that people can handwave them as Just Good Friends and Brothers (I mean, I guess) with a Bury Your Gays tragic ending (ugh) for good measure. And Chengling is telling a story in-universe that seems to conform to some of this same formula. And yet, we all know well and good that these guys were husbands … So are we supposed to carry the same assurance out of the show, on a meta level, that what appears to be happening in the story at the end of Ep 36 – what we discover we’re learning through Chengling’s story-telling, isn’t really the truth? Just, look: While we’re getting the Good Friends and Brothers push, there’s stuff like obvious voice-over work that doesn’t match the much more queer version of what the actors actually said, which is apparently blazingly clear to any viewers who know Mandarin and can manage to lip-read. The show has literally put de-queered words into these characters’ mouths. You can’t trust what you hear. But apparently the show has also made this obvious enough that, if you’re a good enough speaker of the language the show is being told in, and you have a good enough eye, you can see what is actually going on. Are we being taught to trust our eyes more than our ears, are we being told that what we’re being told – by the end of Ep 36 on a meta level, by Ye Baiyi-through-Chengling’s-story on an in-universe level, and by what we learn about what happened from Chengling’s story, itself, also on an in-universe level – is inherently untrustworthy, but that if we “speak the language” of this show well enough, and have a good enough eye, we can decode it and see what “actually” happened and is later made explicit in Ep 37? 

So, that’s a lot, but the reason I wanted to pull it back out is because I feel like this no-homo, surface-level, smoke-and-mirrors effect that gets layered over a queer bedrock of “reality” is precisely what the show did with its ending, and I want to approach that on a couple of different levels. Particularly since I’ve seen several reactions from other people who didn’t seem to have seen/didn’t have access to the extra of “Ep” 37, or who also found it difficult and vaguely unsatisfying to make the leap from Ep 36 to full belief in, and commitment to, “Ep” 37.

When I first posted this, I was really leaning on the idea of a classic Rashomon effect, given that we see – imho – a final Zhou Zishu/Wen Kexing scene in Ep 36 that’s filmed to lead us to believe that Wen Kexing died, with a subsequent cut to Zhang Chengling wrapping up a telling of the “story” of ZZS and WKX to his disciples. The easiest fanwank on this is that all of what we’ve seen so far has been Chengling telling the story of ZZS and WKX to his disciples, making him an unreliable narrator who in fact doesn’t know the truth of what really happened. I was actually reminded of the contrast in The Untamed (god, I don’t need to warn for spoilers for The Untamed, do I, we’ve all seen Chen Qing Ling at this point, right? Anyway, SPOILERS FOR THE UNTAMED) between the cliff scene in Episode 1 when they make it look like Jiang Cheng stabbed Wei Wuxian, leading to his fall off the cliff, and you go back later and realize this is the version that the storyteller was telling to the people in the teahouse vs. Episode, god, what is it, 33? When we see the cliff scene in “real” time, and discover that’s not what actually happened, that what happened is that Jiang Cheng stabbed a rock and Wei Wuxian shook himself free of Lan Wangji’s grip to fall to his death. You can’t trust what you hear. Also … well, we’ll get back to Chengling in a minute.

The second level of uncertainty to unwind is Gao Xiaolian calling bs on Chengling’s story. So, I felt like the kid who’s practicing his forms in the snow and being coached by ZZS in “Ep” 37 might actually be someone, not just a random kid, and that might be important, but I could not for the life of me figure out who he might be. I wasn’t aware until I watched some of AvenueX’s wrap-up of the show (I think that’s the first place I heard this info pointed out) that this kid is supposed to be the son of Gao Xiaolian and Deng Kuan, and the dad who comes to take him home is Deng Kuan (formerly Da-shixiong of Yueyang Sect, who – let’s face it – Gao Xiaolian really wanted to marry). Seriously, I spent so much time making fun of ZZS’s stupid facial hair tricks in this show, and then they actually do just put a dumbass mustache on a guy, and I completely don’t recognize him. I have to admit, the mustache threw me enough that I had no idea that was Deng Kuan (well, and maybe only seeing him for three episodes also helped). But if that’s Deng Kuan, and if the kid is his and Gao Xiaolian’s son, then she would have some reasonable standing to know a story detailing WKX’s death was bs.

 Finally, and most crucially – thanks to everyone who directed me to resources (including AvenueX and other fans who were able to do some translation) who were able to talk about the voiceover work in this final ep, because when I talk about how you can’t trust what you hear, but if you speak the language well enough and have a good enough eye, you can catch what’s really going on? When I talk about de-queered words being put into these character’s mouths? Apparently, this is what happens to Chengling in the final scene. That last scene - and the story he tells his disciples - apparently DOES provide the connective tissue from Ep 36 to Ep 37, but you can’t trust what you hear. Apparently, this is one of the places where you can see something different from what you hear if you’re able to lip-read, with Chengling telling the disciples something much closer to the idea that two people who love each other equally can equally support each other through this cultivation technique and both come out alive.

In the AvenueX discussion of this (Livestream #21, starting around 1:22:30), there’s an additional tidbit about the use of the word “cauldron” – I believe by Ye Baiyi - to describe one person in the pair, a word with a specific and widely-understood meaning within the genre that’s not necessarily known outside of the genre with, yes, sexual connotations. (Come on, slash fans, don’t tell me you don’t giggle every time you pass a perfectly innocent Jiffy Lube auto shop, at something that the mundanes don’t think twice about.) Apparently, “cauldron” is in the script, I believe it’s in the English subs, and it apparently was in the original Chinese subs, until too many people started talking about it and how it had been slipped past censorship, because it’s a perfectly common Jiffy Lube auto shop, right? and then it appears Youku went back and changed the character in the Chinese subs to something that doesn’t even make any sense. So again, we get an example of a case where if you’re a good enough speaker of the language this show is being told in – in this case the vernacular of wuxia – with a good enough eye, you can catch what’s really going on. Something that then gets no-homo’d. And has some nonsensical de-queered meaning laid over top of it. How many times do we have to do this until we learn the lesson that you can’t trust what you hear?

 ANYWAY, I’m wondering if the visuals are important, too: Something we see in the last scene with ZZS and WKX in Ep 36, when WKX is either unconscious or dead (CLEARLY UNCONSCIOUS), is that ZZS – twice – doesn’t let WKX’s hands fall. He catches him by the wrists and then catches him again by the hands as WKX’s hands start to slip away from ZZS’s hands – aaaannnnd end scene. I have to wonder if that’s not a subtle but important detail, that we see ZZS refusing to let WKX physically slip away, and maybe, by implication, refusing to let WKX slip away from him into death.

Also, again with Ye Baiyi – in the flashback when WKX is yelling at ZZS, Ye Baiyi says “No one dies!” as he comes bursting into WKX’s sickroom. And then even reiterates it – “No one dies before me!” But then the voiceover during the qi transfer, he’s supposedly going on about here’s how WKX is going to have to kill himself to save his husband? I think the script has dropped the ball in a few places, but that would really be a tremendous flub. That also deserves some unpacking, but I’m running out of free time right now.

So, just some additional thoughts. I will probably have more, but next up, I think, will be a re-watch from the beginning.

One last thought, tho’: What’s the likelihood that Nian Xiang is Actual A-Xiang and Goa Xiaolian’s/Deng Kuan’s kid is Cao Weining, reincarnated?

[gaeilgeoirgay]

Naimhde

This is also part of Pósadh Eagraithe :The Series and I hope you like it! It’s from Han Solo’s POV when he first realises that 1. Boba’s alive and 2. Boba is married to Din meaning that 3. He can’t shoot Boba :(

Ao3 Link

Naimhde= Enemies

Look, Han Solo was having a good day. Emphasis on was. Ben had slept through the night again so Han got his full recommended hours of rest. Then Leia had had the morning off from the Senate so they had all gone to the park together. Luke was on planet for once with the green frog child so Ben was able to play with him. Leia had told him days ago that they were required to attend a ball that was being hosted to celebrate the Republic getting a treaty with Mandalore so he’d already gone through the seven stages of grief about that.

Now, he’s at said ball and across the room from him, Boba fucking Fett is smirking at him. Han snarls at the look the bastard has on his (apparently very scarred?) face but Leia puts a warning hand on his shoulder. “I know that’s Fett but he’s the leader of the Tatooine crime syndicate now, and rumour has it he’s taken over a couple more of the Hutt Space planets. He’s powerful, Han, and he probably hates us enough. No fighting.” She hisses into his ear.

Of course Boba Fett came out of a fucking sarlacc pit to become a godsdamned crime lord. He shouldn’t have been surprised. And he clearly has some sort of power in Mandalore because Mandalorians aren’t naturally deferential but they seem to treat Fett with an extra bit of respect.

A silver Mandalorian comes over to Fett and says something lowly to him. Fett nods and saunters over to Han and Leia with the other Mando striding ahead of him. “That’s the Mand’alor, their king. No one knows his name or species and he never takes his helmet off in front of non-Mandalorians. He signed the treaty as ‘Mand’alor the Reclaimer’ and his people adore him. He’s rumoured to be absolutely deadly, so once again, Han, I don’t care if he’s coming over with Boba Fett, behave.” Leia whispers and Han suppresses his urge to punt Fett into the nearest star.

Contrary to popular belief, Han is smart enough not to piss off the ruler of a warrior culture that are supposedly the greatest fighters in the galaxy. He got lucky with Fett the first time, he’s not making the man’s whole planet mad at him by fucking with their king.

Their pretty intimidating king, he’s not gonna lie. There’s a veritable armoury on the Mand’alor’s person and Han can see the familiar shape of a lightsaber hilt at his waist. Leia had mentioned something about a ‘Darksaber’ and Han does not want to find out the difference between a Darksaber and a lightsaber firsthand.

The Mand’alor inclines his head in a regal greeting as he halts in front of Leia. “Senator Organa, it’s a pleasure to meet you in person. Luke mentions you often.” He says in a low, smooth voice. Huh. Han is absolutely loyal to Leia but if the Mando king ever offers a threesome…..

Wait, how does Mando know Luke? Leia seems confused too but she hides it well. “The honour is all mine, Your Majesty. I wasn’t aware you were acquainted with my brother though?” She says politely, voicing the question in a much more eloquent manner than Han would’ve.

Mando chuckles and answers her with a smile in his voice. “Cuun ad, Grogu, is one of Luke’s students. He’s the small green one with an affinity for frogs.” He explains and Han raises an eyebrow. Luke had said that Grogu would never grow to be taller than maybe hip height but Mando is of fairly average height for a humanoid species. 5’10 or ’11 maybe.

Leia smiles brightly. “Yes, I do know Grogu. Luke mentioned his father was a Mandalorian. That would be you, then?” She says, relaxing slightly. Talking about children is a safe topic, even when Boba Fett is part of the conversation, and no, Han is not letting that go, he’s a Senator’s trophy husband, he’s mastered the art of polite glaring.

Fett speaks up then, still smirking. “Both of his fathers are Mandalorians. I adopted Grogu when the two of us said the riduurok.” He says, looking directly at Han as his brain freezes in its tracks.

Boba Fett is married? Boba Fett is married to the king of Mandalore? Boba Fett is a father?

None of that computes. Han Solo and Boba Fett are not supposed to have anything in common and Boba Fett is most certainly not supposed to be a regular human being with a spouse and kids and apparently a job, if being a crime lord counts as one. But clearly he is and Han is mad about it. It may be irrational but the bastard froze him in carbonite for three years and he’s gotten away with it. Whenever Han imagined Fett it was as a corpse being digested by a plant monster, not as a successful husband and father. Oh, Han is so mad.

Leia squeezes his hand a little tighter than necessary and Han grits his teeth. No fighting. He can do this. He really doesn’t want to do this. Chandrila’s sun is actually quite hot, he knows Beskar has a high melting point but he reckons it wouldn’t hold up against a star. He could just get in the Falcon, with Fett, and then space him beside the star. Boom, problem solved.

Leia is congratulating Fett and the Mand’alor on their marriage and subsequent child. To be completely honest with himself, Han may or not be considering telling Luke to get Grogu into therapy. Having Boba Fett as a father would definitely fuck a kid up.

He tunes back into the conversation as the Mand’alor answers Leia and immediately wishes he hadn’t. “Yes, children are the most important part of our culture. I adopted Grogu before we got together and I actually only met Boba a little while before Luke began teaching him. Boba always knew Grogu was part of the picture and honestly, the kid loves him. His second vow after the riddurok was a gai bal manda for Grogu.” Mando says, helmet tilted towards Fett. It’s probably the armoured equivalent of a sappy look and Han resists the urge to scowl.

He doesn’t know what a riderock or a gabblemanda is but it’s clearly important to Mandalorians and Fett is smiling broadly at his husband. Ugh.

“Oh, that’s incredibly sweet. How did you two meet?” Leia asks and Han screams internally. “When I first Found Grogu, my tribe took on the Hunter’s Guild so we could escape. I was trying to find more Mandalorians and I came across an areuttise on Tatooine who had Boba’s armour. I helped him take down a krayt dragon that was attacking his village and in exchange, he returned the armour to a mando’ad. Boba tracked me to Tython and said he would help me protect Grogu if I gave him back his armour. We were attacked by Dark Troopers and they took Grogu for Moff Gideon. Boba helped me get Grogu back and once he’d taken over Tatooine, he joined our efforts to reclaim Mandalore.” Mando explains and Leia smiles.

“That sounds romantic. The first time I met Han I threatened him.” Leia says anecdotally and Han shoots her a betrayed look. Fett is so going to use that against him somehow, Han just knows it. Instead, Fett just shakes his head and explains further. “Both of us are sol’karta, ‘aromantic’ in Basic. The Mand’alor’s council were concerned about finding a Rid’alor and I was suggested. I accepted, as the Mand’alor is one of my closest friends. I love him dearly but we’re not in love with each other. We’re best friends raising an adorably mischievous ad’ika.” He says and the Mand’alor nods.

Huh. Han can’t say he’s ever heard of an arranged marriage where both parties are friends from the start. He’s sure that some spouses end up as friends but politically arranged marriages in the Core tend to be loveless affairs. He almost finds himself congratulating them on finding a good balance but then he remembers he would be congratulating Fett. Nope, he’s not doing that.

“Oh really? Luke did mention that Grogu has a habit of disappearing on him.” Leia says and Fett laughs. “Yeah, his Force osik enables him a lot. I never realised how much of parenting was going to be coaxing a grumpy toddler off of a ceiling.” He jokes and ugh, Han can relate to that and he’s mad about it. Leia says something in response but Han is too busy glaring at Fett to hear her. The bastard is still smirking, plus he’s not even paying attention to Han, like Han is beneath his notice.

“I know you two have a son, right? If you’re ever on Manda’yaim for diplomacy, perhaps they can hang out together. I know when I was a child, I hated being in boring meetings and Grogu would definitely appreciate a friend.” Fett suggests and Han nearly explodes. Boba Fett’s hellspawn child is not going to corrupt Ben!

“Oh, Ben and Grogu met earlier today actually! Luke is on-planet at the moment and he brought Grogu with him when he heard that your people would be here.” Leia says and Mando’s helmet tilts. It probably means something in Mando Armour Language but Han has no clue what. “Is Luke still on Chandrila?” He asks, seeming curious. “Grogu is due to come home to Manda’yaim next week but if Luke is here, then I might ask if we can bring him home now to save Luke the trip.”

Leia smiles and tells Mando where to find Luke. Mando says his goodbyes and leaves, but Fett stays. They seem to have some form of communicating that Han can’t understand because Fett doesn’t seem confused at all by his husband’s departure without him.

Fett rocks back on his heels before levelling Han with a smug grin. “If you ever feel like going into Fett Space, drop by my palace on Tatooine. I love getting visits from old friends.” He says before bowing to Leia and leaving to follow Mando before Han can splutter a rebuttal. Fett Space! Is he serious?

Apparently he is, as the New Republic receives a missive a few days later, announcing Mandalore’s official recognition of the former Hutt territories as under Boba Fett, their Consort’s, unequivocal rule. It means that if the Republic ever aggravates Mandalore, they would essentially be going to war with the majority of the Outer Rim between Fett’s planets, Mandalore’s vassal planets and the seemingly endless planets that have allied themselves with Mandalore instead of the Republic.

Han isn’t too concerned about the political ramifications, seeing as that’s Leia’s remit and he’s mostly retired, but fuck, he’s mad that he can’t even think about dropkicking Fett into a star without inciting a galaxy-wide conflict. And the bastard knows it. Every time he comes to Republic events as either the Mand’alor’s spouse or as the leader of Fett Space, he acts like the perfect model of decorum so Han can’t even argue that he was provoked.

Han is forty-three, he shouldn’t be having aneurysms but every time he sees Fett his brain stops getting the message. The worst part is that Leia has become friends with the Mandalorian king and Ben is fond of the green child, so Han is forced to interact with Fett on a far too regular basis. Forget Fett, Han is considering launching himself into a star.

Sadly, Leia won’t let him. So Han has to put up with Fett for just a while longer. Speaking of, how old is Fett? Can Han get away with measuring coffins yet? Please say the bastard is at least ninety, he was around during the Clone Wars, there can’t be much left in him. Please, Han is going to lose his mind if he has to play nice with Boba Fett again. And again. And again.

(systems away, Boba’s ears go hot and he knows that Solo is plotting his death once more. Grogu coos and Boba looks down to see the womprat chewing on his pendant again. He chuckles and grabs something softer for Grogu to gnaw at. He has more important things to think about than Solo.)

[aziraphool]

I have fic, it's already one ao3 but here ya go anyways

The Ultimate Wingman

Summary: Nico goes to Kayla for help on asking out Will, forming two relationships - platonic or not - within the Apollo cabin

No warnings :D

I wrung my hands as I walked across Camp's grounds. This couldn't go too badly… right? The worst that could happen was that he'd say no - then he'd tell everyone I was gay and they'd all hate me and think I was weird and those that I could actually call friends would abandon me and -!

"Ugh!" I said aloud, kicking the dirt. The girl that I had been looking for, Kayla Knowles, spun around. Her short ginger and green hair whipped her face and the quiver on her back slid to the right.

"Oh, hey Nico," she greeted with a smile once she got over the shock.

"Uh, hi," I mumbled. 

"What is it? You seem… stressed," she commented.

"What? No, I'm not stressed," I lied. Her eyebrows creeped up.

"Oh really? I might not be any Will Solace but -" she stopped. I hoped desperately that the warmness of my cheeks wasn't showing. By the looks of it, however, I was more red than Rachel Dare's hair. She set her bow down and pulled off the quiver. Kayla seemed to be torn between smirking and being as kind as possible.

"I believe you wanted to talk to me?"

Oh, how easy it would be to say 'no' and walk away, my secrets still kept to my chest. But that would accomplish nothing. Besides, it wasn't as bad as telling Will. At least if I talked to Kayla it wasn't completely sure Will would ever find out what a loser I was.

"I - I… yes," I said, staring at the ground.

"Would you call it an… important matter?" She was definitely smirking; I could hear it in her voice. I glared at her red converse. I swear this girl lived in bright colours. "Ooh," She giggled before clearing her throat. "Sorry, I've been spending too much time around Lacy." I didn't know or care who Lacy was, though I assumed she was a daughter of Aphrodite, judging by the behaviour Kayla had leeched off her. I hoped I never had the misfortune to meet Lacy, as even this interaction with Kayla had just about killed me - or maybe it was just the circumstances.

"So," she said, jumping up to sit on the table she had just put her bow on. "What is it that you need me, of all people, for?"

"Well -"

"Sit down first," she interrupted, patting the table space next to her. She moved the bow as if it were made of glass and not a weapon made for killing. I hesitated before climbing up. (And, yes, I had to climb up. Nico di Angelo, son of Hades, was too short to get up on a table that even the smallest kid in the Apollo cabin could effortlessly jump onto.) Her bluebelle eyes held the smile that she was repressing. 

"Now we're all cozy -" I shuffled away from her. "Tell me whatcha problem is." I didn't answer straight away. In fact, I didn't answer at all. I just kinda stared over to Camp, occasionally stealing glances to cabin 7. Discreetly, of course, or Kayla might start taking after Lacy again.

Suddenly, she hit my arm. I looked at her, a mixture of surprised and offended.

"There was a mosquito," she shrugged with an innocent smile.

"I hate you," I muttered so quietly I thought she wouldn't hear. But damn these Apollo kids, with their hearing that was too good, even for a demigod.

"That's kind of you,"

"How did you even -?"

"Hear you? Please, dad's the god of music n' stuff, we can't be tone deaf - well, maybe Will is -" she definitely paused just to see my reaction this time. I was disappointed in my inability to control my own blushing. The smirk reappeared on her face. "And he's also the god of prophecy, so I'd like to say that I have a pretty good idea of what's going on around here." I sighed, staring up at the sky. It was fun to imagine Zeus burning up there but I couldn't sink into childhood daydreams right now.

"I know you know -"

"I know I know, too," she said. I glared at her before looking back up.

"So just say it,"

Her smile widened before it disappeared. Shaking her head, she said something completely unexpected,

"This isn't my place to speak. You need to tell me, if you want to,"

I paused, momentarily confused by this sudden change. She smiled a genuine smile, her freckled cheeks faintly pink.

"If it makes you feel any better, I've had a crush on Lou Ellen for, like, ever,"

"Really?" I asked before I could stop myself. She nodded, the amber to green colouring of her hair made it look like traffic lights, her face was also red, making it even more pronounced.

"Well… I guess…" I groaned. "We're going anonymous, here. I have a - I have a crush on one of your half-siblings, right? And I need your help." She grinned. 

"Well, good thing we're both amateurs -"

"How is that a good thing?"

"Shh, di Angelo," she placed a finger to my lips. "It's rude to interrupt a genius at work."

"You're not a genius and you've interrupted me, like, 4 -"

"3," she corrected, then paused, rolling her eyes at herself. "Now it's 4 times."

"Whatever! I just need to find out if Wi - someone in your cabin likes me back!"

"You could just… ask?" she offered.

"No!" I cried, aghast. She racked her brain for another option.

"What d'you like to do, then?" Kayla asked. I looked at her quizzically.

"Raise the dead,"

"Maybe something more… normal," she said. "No offence but an army of skeletons isn't the way to ask someone out."

"Uhh," 

"You literally never leave your cabin. What do you do in there all day? Stare at the wall?"

"Yeah, basically," I shrugged. She seemed taken aback.

"You have a sword, right? What if you challenge him to a sword fight? You know, then get talking after?"

"That could work… I guess…" I mumbled.

"Then it's settled," she said, grabbing my wrist and jumping off the table.

"What're you - no. No no no no no! You cannot -" my foot caught and I ended up with a face full of grass.

"Good thinking! Will - I mean, my siblings like healing! Did you sprain your ankle?"

"I think so," I replied, tenderly poking the injury. "But the last time I was in the infirmary-"

"Will got really pissed because you left before your three days were up? I know. So now you can make up for it!" she said, dragging me along behind her.

"William!" she screamed through the Apollo cabin door.

"What?" Will opened the door, glowing in the fading sunlight.

"I've got a visitor!" she giggled before practically throwing me inside. "Good chat, Neeks!" Kayla slammed the door, leaving us in the empty cabin.

"Uh, what was all that about?" he asked, still staring at the door as he held his hand out. I hesitated before pulling myself up.

"I sprained my ankle," I replied, my voice an octave higher than usual.

"Oh," Will said and pointed at a bed. I sat on the edge of it, my toes grazing the floor. He walked over, his blond hair bobbing with his bouncy step, which was accompanied with the clapping sound of flip flops. He finished a Red Bull, crushing the can and throwing it over his shoulder, where it flawlessly landed in the bin. How hot can you get? 

He gently pulled off my black sneakers - I hoped my feet didn't smell. He prodded around the ankle and I winced in pain.

"Yeah, sprained, all right," he said. It was too quiet, I could hear his breathing. He pulled out an ice pack and wrapped it around my foot. "So, er, you're free to go, I guess." I nodded and replaced my shoe. I limped to the door before turning around.

"I was wondering if you'd, uh, if you'd like to… meet me in the - what's it called?- in the, um, arena tomorrow?" I stuttered.

"Sure," Will grinned. He couldn't be blushing, it was probably just the light. "What time?"

"Um, you pick," I said, not wanting to feel like a control freak.

"Will 11 do?" he asked.

"Of course," I replied. Truth was, I didn't usually get up until then, so I'd have to remember to set an alarm. Or tell Kayla and she'd come bounding into my room and 3 am for 'preparations'.

"See you there," he said. I nodded and left.

***

"Did it work? It worked, right?" Kayla practically yelled, jumping out from behind a bush.

"Yeah! It actually worked!" I answered just as loudly, unable to contain my enthusiasm. She gasped.

"What time are you gonna have the sword fight?" 

I cursed in Greek.

"I forgot to mention the swords!"

"Never mind, you have a sprained ankle anyway," she said, then hopped up and down excitedly. "See? I'm the ultimate wingman! You're going on a date!"

"It's not a date!" I corrected her, though I secretly hoped it was.

"Whatever you say, Neeks," she shrugged. I was too happy to tell her not to call me that.

"But what should I wear?" I asked. 

"Hmm," she mused. "Not the same as today… I'll need to see your wardrobe." She marched off to cabin 13, me in tow.

"Do you own anything that's not black?" Kayla grumbled, throwing yet another skull t shirt onto the bed. "Anyone'd think you're going to a funeral every day of the year."

"Uh," I squinted at a shirt. "That one's… dark grey," She held it up and raised an eyebrow. "... very, very dark grey."

"It's black," she sighed. "Anyhow, it'll have to do. At least it doesn't have a skull on."

"Who knows, maybe Will likes skulls and skeletons?" I shrugged. Kayla snorted.

"Tbh, he could probably name every bone in your body,"

"What the Hades does tbh mean?" I questioned and she grinned.

"Sometimes I forget that you're from, like, ages ago. Times like now, though…"

"Just tell me what it means," I growled as a skeletal hand broke the black carpet. 

"Um, it means to be honest," she answered, her voice squeaky.

"Oh… thanks," the hand retreated back into the ground. "Sorry, I guess."

"Don't worry 'bout it," Kayla shrugged. "Just lemme watch the date first."

My face went red. I was so close to summoning another skeleton to drag her into the depths of the Underworld.

I lay in bed, too nervous to sleep. What if it didn't work out? What if he hated me? What if - oh, the horrors - he was straight? I mean, I had nothing against straights. Most of my friends were (supposedly) straight. Still, when you're tryna ask a guy out, him being straight is not ideal. At all. I rolled over and punched my pillow. I needed sleep. I already had eye bags, I didn't need yet another sleepless night to look even more trashy. I could hardly breathe on my stomach but it, at least, served as a distraction. I mused over shadow travelling across the room and back, just so I would pass out. It was unnecessary, though, as I did (eventually) get to sleep.

"Nico," I vaguely registered someone whispering in my ear. "Nico. Nico. Wake up," they inhaled. I just managed to brace myself, realising what they were going to do. "NICO!" Still, I stumbled out of bed and fell to the floor.

"What?" I hissed at Kayla. She grinned, having successfully screamed in my ear.

"Date,"

About a hundred thoughts passed through my mind at once. Through the jumble, I managed one question.

"What's the time?"

"8, which gives 3 hours to go over your strategy," she answered.

"Strategy? I don't need a strategy," I said.

"Yes, you do. Besides, I've been talking everything through with Lacy last night,"

"How did you even meet? She's, like, two years younger than you,"

"Maybe if you actually left your cabin -"

"Point taken,"

"Drink it," Kayla instructed, pushing a glass into my hand.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Poison," she said, rolling her eyes. "Water, dumbass. Now, drink." I downed it and wiped my mouth on my wrist. There were a few moments of silence before Kayla stood up, grabbing me by the wrist.

"C'mon, Ghostie, let's take you to the arena to find lover boy,"

"Wh - what? Aren't we early?"

"Will's always early, it'll be a surprise," she replied. I nodded and followed her out, trying to resist the urge to sprint, adopt a new identity and forget this whole not-date.

*** 

I never would have thought I'd end up standing behind a bush with Kayla Knowles whilst Will Solace waited for me, yet here I was.

"Don't mess up the eyeliner," she said. "Or Lacy will kill me." I tried to reply, but no sound came out. She smiled lopsidedly, like she understood anyway.

"You'll do great," she inhaled then patted my head. "Will totally loves you."

"I - I - he -" I stuttered. 

"Trust me," Kayla said, grasping my hand, her bitten nails lightly scratching me. She pulled me into a hug from there. I tensed momentarily before doing the same.

"Thanks," I said into her shoulder. "Maybe I could be the ultimate wingman for your date with Lou Ellen."

"Isn't she with Cecil, though?"

"Eh," I shrugged. "I can… arrange something." She pulled back, laughing.

"Will will be lucky to have you, di Angelo. Now, go get him!" She pushed me out from our hiding space.

Will spin around, a grin forming on his face. His camp tank top exposed his golden shoulders, which glowed in the sunlight. He obviously had had some assistance too, as he was wearing jeans and not beach shorts two sizes too big.

"You're early," he laughed; a short melodic note.

"Then what are you?" I retorted good-naturedly.

"Hmm, fair point. But do you like my shoes?" he pointed at his black crocs. "I thought you'd like the colour."

"Oh, yeah, get me some," I said sarcastically.

"Sure!" Will said, his white teeth shining.

"That was a joke, Solace! A joke! I do not want black crocs!"

"Suit yourself," he shrugged. "Now, do you wanna sit down somewhere?"

"Thought you'd never ask,"

[galaxina-the-pyro]

A Cure That Ails You

"IT'S NOT FAIR!" "I'm sure it's not, hon..." "Like, he asks me to all these things NOW?! While I'm trying to get over him?! That oblivious, kerfluffin-!" Schnitzel sighed deeply, rolling her eyes towards a sobbing mess of a seventeen-year-old Isabella. In hindsight, this was all on the former Fireside Girl - Phineas had asked her out to some stupid festival that Danville was setting up. Isabella turned him down. Phineas was disappointed but never once felt upset over Isabella's answer, only telling her that he'll still meet up with her at the festival or whatever with whomever she was gonna go with. She told him that that one kid named...uh...what was it...Everett? No, wait, that was the bastard who broke her heart after her Bat Quincinera Mitzvah party thing. That other boy who started showing signs of having a thing for Isabella was that one kid with that completely fake British accent. Bland and forgettable to Schnitzel, though Isabella fawned over the kid's sense of humor at the very least. Humor was important in a relationship. But if Schnitzel remembered this particular kid, she remembered that he seemed much more...flamboyant for someone Isabella would be pursuing. Not that Phineas didn't have those moments, it was more like this particular kid- "CLINTON!" Schnitzel shouted, "That's his name! Clinton, right?" Isabella whined. "Yes, Clinton," she leaned her head back against her couch, covered in crumbs of cookie dough and chips, "He already asked me before...before he did. I told him I was gonna think about it..." She scooped another clump of cookie dough into her mouth and chewed. Schnitzel examined her jaw bobbing up and down like a well-oiled garbage disposal. "Don't you like that kid?" she asked, "You told your other friends you liked him, anyway. They won't shut up about how..." she trailed off and shook her head, "You flipping lied to them, didn't you?" Isabella threw her hands up into the air, nearly sending her spoon flying into the air in the process. "They wouldn't shut up about it!" she cried out, mouth still full of dough, "The girls kept pushing how I shouldn't give up on him just yet!" she had the sense to swallow before she could choke on a chocolate chip, "That we were meant to be! Love knows no limits! You have to wait for it-UGH! I just-I couldn't take it anymore!" "I get what you're saying, kid," Schnitzel frowned deeply, "But that's not a cool thing to do to a guy like Clinton. He's a cool...well...nice dude, at least. Leading him on is kind of a jerk move on your end." The fat woman could feel the sense of irritation drooling from Isabella's tone as she turned to face her. Isabella sighed. "You really can't tell?" she asked with a raised eyebrow, "Clinton's gay. Like, really, really gay." Schnitzel was taken aback, but not by much. "...then," she paused, "Then why is he-?" "He's not out of the closet yet," Isabella shrugged, "I and another one of his friends are the only ones who know. Though honestly, I'm surprised no one's figured it out by now. It's kinda obvious." Schnitzel blinked. "I mean, I figured," she admitted, "But, like...why would he be pretending to-," she facepalmed, "Oh, duh, this is a setup. You're trying to cover up your crush, he's trying to cover up his," she smirked, "Which one of your friends is he pining for?" "Buford," Isabella said, "Totally Buford. He hangs out with him the most. The two like to jerk around with each other." Schnitzel nodded, smiling for a moment before she noticed Isabella slumping back into a depressed pile. The former villainess scowled slightly at the sight, having hoped changing the conversation to that of Clinton's dilemma would snap Isabella away from what happened with her and Phineas. Schnitzel picked up one of the empty cookie dough canisters and lifted it up for examination. "You know," Schnitzel said slowly, "You really don't have to lie to your friends. Just talk to them. Explain that you don't appreciate-." "They wouldn't understand," Isabella insisted, "They only ever backed off when I was with...you know...and now they're kinda backing off now that I'm...interested in Clinton, you know? I...I wanna keep it that way." "It's a dumb move," Schnitzel stated bluntly, "But...I see why you're doing it...at least partly," she turned the cannister, looking for the ingredients - the odor of the dough making her lick her lips, "Your friends mean well. They do. They shouldn't push this stuff, but they definitely care," she looked over at Isabella with a frown, "But maybe you're backing the wrong horse here, too?" Isabella squinted her eyes at the greying woman in her early fifties at best. "What do you mean?" she practically scowled. "I mean that maybe," Schnitzel leaned back slightly, not looking at Isabella, "Maybe they have a point...I'm not saying you should go back to how things used to be," she briefly placed the plastic onto her lap, "It's good to take breaks. Learned that from experience," she turned to the teen carefully, "But...is giving up on the kid entirely really what you want? Or do you think it's what you have to do because you need to start 'growing up' and moving passed those supposedly childish endeavors?" "I can't revolve my entire being to him all the time," Isabella insisted, "I'm more than that!" "Yeah, well," Schnitzel drummed her fingers on the bottom of the plastic canister, "Who said you had to give up on being with Phineas in order to do that?" Schnitzel regretted her choice words, regretted the look of sheer agony that graced Isabella's face from hearing the name of her heart's desire ring in her ears. The floodgates reopened as the strong, fearless leader, Isabella, once again succumbed to a sniveling mess. Schnitzel let out another deep sigh as she returned to examining the cannister. "Why does the world hate me?!" "Heck if I know." "I don't understand why emotions work the way they do! Why can't I just MOVE THE HECK ON?!" "Feel ya, girl. I really do," Schnitzel lit up, "OH! Here it is! Ingredients!" Isabella wailed, "H-he's just so PERFECT, Alice," she insisted, "Why must he make it so hard for me to move on from?! Why does he feel the need to squeeze at my heart?!" The broken sobs that followed were bone-shattering, even for Schnitzel. A wave of guilt washed over onto her, even as her eyes refused to leave to words on the container. "Oh, Isa..." she paused upon looking at the part of the container that specifically said 'do not consumer before baking' in bold letters, wondering why she hadn't noticed that before; she glanced around the empty as well as the partly empty containers on the ground, and barely noticed the large black garbage bag beside Isabella, slowly putting two and two together, "...uh...Isabella, how much cookie dough have you been eating?" Isabella's response was a mere hiccup and a cough, having nearly choked on some more cookie dough. "Why won't Phineas love me?" she sobbed before hugging her current container close to her chest like it was her offspring. Schnitzel swallowed some air and slowly stood up, the container in hand. "Ooooookay, that's enough cookie dough, Is," she looked at the container once more and gaped, "Why...why would you buy cookie dough that uses unpasteurized eggs?" Isabella coughed again. "Why does THAT matter?" she groaned. "Well," Schnitzel walked towards the garbage bag, opened it, and saw a lot of containers and empty chip bags of varying flavors, "Raw cookie dough already gives you a strong likelihood of getting foodborne diseases," Schnitzel failed to notice Isabella's coughing suddenly turning into gagging, "But when you use unpasteurized products, it also gives you the high risk of getting-" Schnitzel cringed as she heard Isabella lurch forward and, for lack of a better word, tossed up her cookies all over her feet. The woman need not turn to look at the poor child, but did so anyway and sighed as Isabella trembled in a bent up position, whimpering. "...salmonella." (~) "Oh, Izzy...oh you poor baby..." Isabella moaned as she leaned against the toilet, feeling Phineas' hands gently rubbing her back. He sighed and shook his head, as if somewhat disappointed in her. It was both painful to see, yet far more comforting than any medicine would do for her right now. "You really should be more careful," he said sternly, "What compelled you to eat all of that anyway?" "I was," Isabella gagged again and clutched the seat, wincing, waiting...but nothing came; she slowly turned back to Phineas and swallowed dryly, "Clinton broke it off with me. I...I didn't take it well." The look on Phineas' face was as heartbroken as it made Isabella feel. She hated to see Phineas look so hurt, even when it was because she was the one in pain. She felt his arms gently wrap around her waist and his chin rest on her head ever slightly. "I'm so sorry," he said, "I know you liked him a lot." "I...yeah," Isabella laughed softly, "I did...I do...but..." her chuckles became shaken, "Phineas, I...I need to..." she fought the need to wretch as the words echoed in her mind like a broken record. "Who said you had to give up on being with Phineas...?" "Isabella?" Isabella could barely turn to look at Phineas like her neck was locked into place. But from the corner of her eyes, she could see the kindness and love that Phineas had on his face. Platonic or not, that love was real - that love was far more than worth fighting for. Worth pursuing even. He proved that by coming over today on such short notice. He proved that by dropping everything just to go see if she was doing okay. He loved her. He loved her so much... "I lied." Phineas blinked, tilting his head. "Lied?" he asked, "About what?" Isabella breathed slowly. "About me and Clinton," she explained, "I made it-made it all up," she sucked up on some air and choked in down, "I'm so, so sorry, I was," the tears poured, "I was just so tired of it all...they had so many expectations for me," she shook her head, "I just couldn't stand it. I wanted to prove I could really stand on my own." "What are you talking about?" Phineas seemed to pull in closer to Isabella, his voice filled with...hope, perhaps? Isabella wasn't entirely sure. But she desperately wanted that to be the case. That would make this so much easier to do. "From the day I met you," Isabella paused, "No, that's silly...for a long time, since we were little," she grimaced, "I felt strong feelings for you...I...loved you...and whether I wanted to or not, I," she almost broke out into a sob, the pain too much for her to handle as her stomach twisted, "I still love you. I still want you. I wish I was," she shook, "I wish I was strong enough to have told you this when-." "Izzy." Isabella flinched at her nickname, her body finally allowing her to turn and look at Phineas, who pulled his arms away from her. He cupped her face. A tender grin formed on the boy's face as he rubbed his thumb across her cheek to wipe away a stray tear. "Izzy," he repeated, "I always-." Before he could finish, Isabella gasped out in agony and turned back to the loo, chundering once more. Phineas immediately went into position, lifting up Isabella's hair, serenely humming as she finished, a worried frown still in place even as he continued to try and soothe her. Once Isabella had finished, she looked over at Phineas, a shaken up smile forming. He opened his mouth to finish his previous statement before the door opened. "I'm back with some water," Schnitzel stated walking in slowly, looking around, "Were you...talking to someone?" Isabella was afraid to look away from Schnitzel. She was afraid to look behind her. She really didn't have to. She already knew the truth, anyway. But that didn't mean it wouldn't hurt her to see the confirmation first hand. And yet her head turned. Like an idiot, she looked, a small, stupid bead of hope shining in her chest. The same one that refused to die like the rest of it. And the fruits of that hope was met with an empty spot where Phineas was once kneeling at. Some hair that he had been caressing slid onto her skin as she sniffed. Schnitzel took another step closer. "Isabella?" The automatic action of any human being with even the smallest shred of decency was to immediately reached down and clutch the poor, sobbing mess close to her. The once ugly tears of over-dramatics had turned into something far more self-destructive. Schnitzel felt this the moment she felt Isabella's tears on her shoulder as she hugged her close. Rather than disappear, the bead of hope in Isabella's chest proceeded to taunt her with small maybe's and what if's before it was briefly drowned away in fragmented sorrow. Who did Isabella think she was kidding? Phineas would never truly feel that way for her, no matter how many times she could've sworn he did.

"Let it out, Izzy," Schnitzel cooed, brushing the girl's black locks between her fingers, "Let it out..."

[williamaltman]

Luke/Alex Rant

Negativity Alert.

So, ugh, the whole Luke/Alex being exes thing actually brings me so much pain, and it’s like no one understands me :(

I’m actually gonna start with the part that’s gonna make people hate me, which is probably not the best idea when looking for sympathy/empathy/understanding, but oh well, it just makes the most sense to me to write it like that... Thanks for those who bear with me.

First of all... It’s not really canon. I mean, maybe it could be. Maybe they could make it in s2. But I’m tired of people saying it’s straight up confirmed, putting it on wikis and everything. Owen and Charlie were just chatting, joking around and having fun with the fans on live, they weren’t being completely serious.

They clearly like to support fan theories, headcanons, ships. Yet on actual serious interviews they have never mentioned that. They have even talked about how Flynn/Reggie was supposed to be a thing, but not that. Not once did it come up when talking about LGBT representation on the show either(why would they not say Luke isn’t straight?).

I understand having a headcanon and feeling validated when the actors support it but it seems like most people legit can’t tell the difference between that and actual officially canon things? It seems like people either think this is actually written in the show(which we don’t have any evidence of) or that the actors have the authority to decide what’s canon just like the writers/showrunners/directors, which... It’s just not true?

Now, why it actually upsets me.

Well, just for starters... IT’S SO SAD??? I really don’t get what joy people get into characters being broken up??? And I mean, the fact that they stayed friends and are still fine with each other is nice I guess, and I see why that could be appreciated... But at the same time the one thing that made people get this idea was when they held hands in episode 2 when they got scared... With the idea being that Luke instinctively went to Alex to cope, and then Alex said “Let’s not” as in “Let’s not make it weird, we’re not together anymore”.

Which is so freaking sad??? The idea that they used to be each other’s emotional support and now even though they’re friends they can never really be that close anymore? Which, means that things are NOT just completely fine like ~UwU happy exes~??? Same for the also popular "evidence" that Luke supposedly looked sad when he realized Alex liked Willie.

And so, we go to the fact that... They’re clearly not happening “again". Willex and Juke/Palina are the ships. I see most people who are into this saying they’re into the current ships anyway and want for them to thrive and for Luke/Alex to stay only in the past. Which, I mean... I KINDA get, liking ships in the past but wanting them to move on. But that makes more sense to me when it’s something that it’s actually in the thing, not something that’s not shown and you’re pushing to happen only to add heartbreak that didn’t need to be there.

EVEN THEN, pushing that aside and understanding liking this idea of them in the past... Why need for that to be canon then??? If it’s all about the fanfics and fanarts and aesthetics and somewhat suggestive moments to relate to that but nothing actually substantial on the show... Then why push for more than that and open the door for people to get invested and want for them to get back together, when for you nothing’s gonna change either way? It’s so counter-productive.

And if you actually want for them to get back together... Well the idea that the creators of a show targeted at teenage girls would take away the main het ship for a gay one even though there’s already a canon gay ship that doesn’t interfere with anything is ridiculous. So again, keeping it as a headcanon and maybe reading fics where they get a happy ending instead of pushing it as canon it’s the best idea possible too.

Ok, I didn’t mean for this post to be so argumentative and combatitive. I meant for it to be more about my feelings really. But now that I feel like I’ve actually brought good arguments to my stance, there’s that feeling that actually exposing my real emotional reason to think like that is gonna “ruin it” and just invalidate everything... But well, I guess that’s too bad, and if anyone’s taking this seriously at all, which most likely isn’t the case, I again ask you to cut me some slack and not just think everything I said is dumb as hell because of what comes later? Like let’s be real here, we’re all coming from some kind of emotional place here, right? Even getting so attached to fictional characters at all.

So, the thing is, I WOULD LOVE LUKEALEX SO MUCH. The possible dynamic and/or tropes/archetypes that they could have would be literally my weakness. It’s already my weakness. In fact what I might consider my very first serious ship already has it. And god, did I suffer for that, and in the end I don’t even know if the results were worthy and if I’m even sure of what they were. 

And that ship was actually a wlw one. A mlm one(I’m a gay guy) makes it 10x worse(the fact that Luke is like totally the kind of character I’m attracted to and Charlie is also like, perfect, doesn’t help either). It would make me invested in a way that would probably already be too much if they were together, but them being exes just absoutely DESTROYS ME. Like on a visceral level.

And the fact that the idea is most of the time that Luke was the one who was there for Alex when he came out. And that maybe Luke was his first love. And now that's gone. It absolutely kills me. It’s so so so tragic.

Like, I actually read a fic like this. Before this whole thing became so popular and Owen/Charlie said anything about it. And it destroyed me. I bawled my eyes out for like an hour. As well-written and touching as it was, it wasn’t worthy, it was definetely not worth suffering so much like a month after reading it.

So it’s just so painful that for most people this is just a cute little thing that doesn’t affect them at all while it truly hurts me so much :/

So yeah, this is my rant. It should probably have been two separate posts, one talking about how I don’t think it’s really canon and one why i don’t want to... Cause as I said, I feel like no one is gonna take me seriously while if I ended it on the arguing part it would lend more credence to it. And I do think people desparately need to take a step back in regards to how they’re considering this 100% confirmed canon(or even anything besides a little teasing).

But I had to vent I guess. Please be kind enough not to come here fight me. Edit: I didn’t mention this at first cause it’s kind of not the main reason and not relevant to LukeAlex specifically, but: I value canon MLM ships A LOT, and watching the show I loved Willex so much and saw nothing between Luke and Alex, so I do 100% want to focus on the canon ship instead of going down this route of hyping up a crackship(that wouldn’t be a crackship if the exes thing was made canon, and might not even classify a crackship even now, but still). I’m not trying to make a point about how people who ship LukeAlex are evil (because, in a way, I do too!), and I definetly don’t want to throw the racism card, but yeah. Just a little extra point to make.

[dipplie]

Temporary list of my stories and OC’s until one day I make a comprehensive and well made list:

Blinded:

Polli: My oldest OC and fun fact was my persona till she become edgy and I wasn’t 12 anymore. Everyone’s favorite yes yes I’m aware. Yellow, energetic, eats dirt and bugs, I can’t tell if she’s evil because of a wisp possession or just crazy. Breaks the 4th wall. Is she a Mary Sue???????? Who knows.

Melody: NOT Polli’s girlfriend despite Polli’s delousions. Has an abusive mom :(. Only has one eye and then no eyes and then robot eyes or smthn idk she becomes a badass when she gets older. But otherwise trembling in her shoes all the time.

Melodys Mom/Sharren: Bitch. Okay well all I’ll say is she’s old and grumpy and probably smells bad.

Louise: Total hotty, rich kid, FtM, got bullied as a kid for his weight. Had a squad of fans basically in high school. Lived with his mom after his parents got a divorce but his mom was semi abusive, projected her femininity onto him, and wouldn’t have been supportive of his transition, so between middle and high school he went to live with his dad and got his sex change and testosterone. His best friend in elementary and middle school stopped talking to him after his transition, and became his competition for the most attractive and sought after boy in school (except Louise is a sweetheart while his friend Tommy is a dick and really gross) His dad runs a company that specializes in technology, and after meeting and falling in love with Melody (even after all her abusive trauma and losing both her eyes) he has his dad and some of the developers create a way to get her vision back and I mean honestly I love him how could you not love him he’s so perfect.

Watching:

Fick: Big nerd boy with thick glasses. I feel like he’d use Reddit but don’t quote me on that. Big crush on Vivinya. Boy don’t wander into the woods- oh look dead body with a curse on it don’t touch it- aaaand now he has a wisp that makes him kill people, way to go kid. Panic attack central.

Vivinya: True crime girl, yucky yucky. Probably had a knife collection. “uwu I’m insane” except she actually is and starts using Fick to kill people for her and treats him like her “Yandere boyfriend” or something cringe and gross oh god. She deserves jail. JAIL. Needs to learn guys need to give consent too. Just overall sucks 1/10.

Tommy: I mentioned him early to be Louises ex best friend and rival. He used to have a crush on Louise actually but that don’t excuse being a BITCH!!!! Also needs to learn people gotta give consent he is just as gross as Vivinya. Cheats on all the girls he gets with because he’s again, a bitch. Idk if he deserved to get murdered though I mean he was still a teenager but it’s fine. Thinks of the song Seventeen from Heathers actually this story does feel a tad reminiscent of heathers with vivinya being a crazy and wanting to off a bunch of students. Huh.

Suzannie: Tommy’s older sister who’s a detective. What a coincidence. Monotone and depressed. Probably because her little brother got murdered. Gets real awkward when she’s talking about her brothers murder(s) to Fick and Vivinya like “when I find who did this to him they’ll regret being born”. Kind of really pretty actually.

Adolescents (there isn’t actually a story here yet but don’t worry about it shhhh):

Nelson: HIMBO HIMBO H- Jock stupid idiot big dork god he’s so awkward and his main personality trait is having a crush on Naomi and being a dork when talking to her. Probably could benchpress you.

Naomi: Gamer or something and a nerd geek. Her main personality trait is having a crush on Nelson and also being a dork when talking to him. Probably a weeb and fandom dweller. Can’t draw but she commissions artists to draw. She does write copious amounts of fanfiction though.

Andrés: Ohhh the school bad boy babyyyy. Baseball bat with nails in it or something. There’s like... A thing between him in Charlotte and he wants to be a thing but she’s being difficult and makes it hard to talk to her or about her and ugh.

Charlotte: Princess, high school princess. She’s actually pretty nice when you get to know her- but she’s a diva. Ballerina after school. Best friends with Naomi and doesn’t know what she’s talking about when she mentions ships or OTPs but she listens anyways because she’s a good friend. There’s like... A thing between her and Andrés but she doesn’t know if she’s super into him but geez he’s really hot but she gets such mixed responses when she asks her friends about it and what if it doesn’t work outttt.

Marlon: They/Them but they’re okay with either pronouns they aren’t sure yet, he or she is okay... Box boy box boy. Autism... He doesn’t want to admit He’s attracted to men but he’s totally attracted to men. He lives alone which is probably illegal for his age but somehow he manages. Everyone thinks he’s “the quiet kid” and he’s really sad about it no don’t make jokes like that please guys ahh-

Sing for Me:

Kat: The color pink, addahadda(adhd), angry and loud and short. For being only like 10 and being an adorable little lesbian dressing in sparkly pink dresses she actually likes screaming a lot and would totally sing heavy metal if her producers let her. Loud and mad but gets so soft around her girlfriend. “If anything happens to Brie I’m killing everyone in this room and then myself”.

Brie: French... Birds and stuff. Loves her girlfriend even though she is so loud. So fast. So much. Likes to write pretty things. Is only like an inch taller than Kat. Filled with so much love for everything.

Elliot: The girls manager. Lots of coffee. Stressed out of his MIND please help this man. Probably gay. Seems like a smug dick but he is just a tall and lanky dork that loves puppies and wants nothing more than for Kat and Brie to be happy. Accidentally brands them as sisters and then Kat kisses Brie and- oh fuck oh shit oh no what has he done. Hides the fan and non fan responses from them. Poor guy.

Horror Hosts:

Ichabod: Hot demon who’s the son of the current ruler of hell or something. I mean he’s hot, smart, and royalty, what more do you want. I very specifically hear the dub voice of Kyoya Ootori from OHHC as his voice don’t @ me. Goat legs????? Yeah??? Don’t be rude.

Barnabie: Ohhhhhhhhh big orc teddy bear I’m crying I love him????? He puts up a more confident ploy and the given stereotypical personality orcs supposedly have but he’s just a shy boy that wants to give girls flowers and call boys pretty. Help him.

Garrison: Gary Burger. Fat hairy gay man. I mean werewolf. Wouldn’t it be funny if I made the whole werewolf thing backwards and made him transform into a HUMAN only on the full moon??? Party animal, pun absolutely intended. LOUD AND FUNNY he’s a dork. Bites. Horny on main Garrison please you’re supposed pamper and flirt with the guests but not quite that much.

Vincenzo: Token Vampire but he’s Italian because I felt like it. Talk and lanky of course. Bitch face. Blood coffee? Yeah lots of coffee. Tired. Let him sleep in Ichabod. Steps on people. Can summon and reanimate corpses but has a bitter attitude towards them because they get annoyed with him as much as he gets annoyed with- everyone else. He does have a soft spot but idk where it is. When he’s talking to guests he’s more suave and sexy though.

Kai: Genderfluid haha get it because slime fluid-... I’ll stop. Probably objectively the hottest because they can look anyway they want and shift their vocals to sound like almost anything, also probably objectively the best in bed (if you’re okay with the texture of Jell-o) and honestly come on save some for the rest of us it’s not fair. This boy can SING oh my god seranade me and whisper in my ear baby. Spunky and sassy.

Hallvor: BABY OCTOPOD BOY OHHHHH I LOVE HIM HE’S SO SWEET AND IS AN ANGEL DARLING BOY SO EMBARRASSED SO SHY SOFTEST VOICE OHHH- ohhh nooo he’s got a knife ohhhhh Hallvor baby don’t be like that ohhhh... Used to work in hentai actually (I wonder why) but quit because of immoral practices and good for him we love that. Okay he’s not actually a yandere or whatever but he DEFINITELY wants to squeeze you a little too hard and has those crazy eyes.

Carla: Main character of this OHHC monster clone. She sucks I don’t like her because listen listen she kills monsters as a living and when she tries to kill our boys here, Ichabod catches her and goes “no” but then the rest (not knowing her murderous intent) fall in love with her and Ichabod is like: “shoot well I’ll keep you alive and around but I’m watching you” and blah blah romance and feelings and character development and wow she seems like she’s grown to care about them... So Ichabod removes a curse he put to prevent her from harming them or leaving... AND THEN SHE STABS THEM ALL IN THE BACK IM CRYING. I mean she might have an extra reason for needing to kill them but I haven’t decided if I want to actually put it in the story yet so.

Fingertips:

Maria/Marianna: Was this goth angry chick and the head of these losers but after a failed heist, fire, and being betrayed and dropped from a window on a 3rd or 4th story down into flames, and going to the hospital and changing her name, she changed totally and become a soft pretty girl... And then the next three boys went “HEY BOSS WE FOUND YOU” and she went “oh no” and now she’s just an anxious wreck like “no no no no no I don’t shoot people in the face anymore no no no no no” And has a fear of hands. Also was Diamontés best friend in primary school and yes all these characters went to the K-12 school all the other characters do/did. Pretty voice. The story is mostly about her being anxious around all the other characters because who was it that betrayed her and dropped her into the flames below? Find out next week on th-

Nikki: He’s that character that you see and immediately go “oh he’s gross and is angry and is a bitch” and you’re right he is and has a cockney accent and screams a lot and probably swings a knife around a lot, but he’s got a sweet interior (somewhere in there... somewhere) Screamo heavy metal. Him and the rest of these character briefly talked about having a band and then they didn’t and then at the end of the story they do and although he plays guitar mostly, if he does do lead vocals he screams a lot. Bitch.

Anthony: Pretty boy but like the “was in the army” pretty boy vibe. Probably played football in highschool. Pyromaniac. Punches Nikki a lot. Almost gives himbo vibes sometimes, almost. Kind of likes the old timey cozy aesthetic. Plays the piano sometimes but “oh I’m not very good at it” Plays extremely well

Diamonté: TALL. Purple goth boy aesthetic hellll yeahhhh. CRAZY EYES AND THEY SPEAK VOLUMES WATCH OUT. Drums. The scary kind of quiet because he just smiles at you. Crowbar. Okay but he’s actually really sweet though. Secretly loves watching Anthony and Nikki get into fights so that’s why he rarely puts a stop to it. I think he’s a sadist. Can be a gentle giant, but can also be a not so gentle giant. The only time he’s really talkative is after copious amounts of booze.

Unnamed/Undesigned 1: Literally a pimp and he’s pretty gross. Blonde hair and pink and white clothes.

Unnamed/Undesigned 2: Chick that likes to throw knives and be angry and threatens Marianna a lot but in a quiet and monotone way, Marianna is pretty scared and hopes that these are just shallow threats uhhhhh.

Unnamed/Undesigned 3: Sells guns (without a lisence of course) and wears a bandana over his face a lot. Tired. Grumpy.

Unnamed/Undesigned 4: Like Marianna, was cold hearted and cool but then got caught in the fire and got all soft. He only has one eyes but how sweet his eyepatch is a heart. Recoved along side Marianna and they are good friends good friends tha- wait Marianna are you going back with them oh god you can’t do that oh dear oh no oh-

(I don’t have a story or name for these two but they’re my comfort ship OC’s and my current hyper fixaction right now):

Rodriquéz: I literally designed him with almost all the traits I find attractive in a guy other than freckles so as you can imagine I find him super HOT. I also designed his personality on what I find attractive from a guy so as you can imagine I find him super GREAT. But anyways he’s grumpy and closed off and monotone and smug. I really could go on for hours about how I want him to step on me I’m so sorry guys. Both him and Samantha give the “21 and having immature fun” vibes. They’re a thing but they like going to bars together and splitting off and doing their own thing (or doing someone else’s thing if you get what I mean haHhahHhahGahGhaha-) But so help them if anyone doesn’t oblige by the “no” from one of these two, someone’s gonna get beat up.

Samantha: (She literally just my personality shhhhh don’t tell anyone it’s a secret) Bubbly, energetic, a little shy by extroverted, bombshell blonde or something? It took me way too much time and effort to design her but I’m really happy with how I finally designed her, I love her outfit. She could kick me in the face and I’d say thank you. Girly drinks at the bar. Got that trauma and anxiety™️ secretly though. Skips and jumps a lot. As I’m typing this I keep looking up at the drawing of her and more and more I would want her to also step on me.

(Space Story I don’t have a nice title for):

Unnamed/Undesigned 1: So... Funny story this story originally was with me and uh... My ex I guess... So I gotta replace the MC’s... Whoops ahaha... Awkward. But anyways the MC is a robot and a girl and is a slight tsundere or smthn.

Unamed/Undesigned 2: Has a space ship, works for this organization in space that protects the galaxy. Is cocky, lazy, sly, oblivious, and an idiot. The love interest- obviously. Probably accidentally committing space crimes. (Like space pirating hAHAHA-) Kind of cool when he wants to be.

Dandelion/Dandy: CAT. WITH A JET PACK. Kind of an asshole. Fun fact used to be Polli’s cat but then when the Second MC crash landed on earth she was like “fuck this noise I’m going with space boy laterz” (okay she can’t talk but she thought it).

Zizii: Lesbian alien? Yeah???? Okay but I mean her main character trait is being a dorky back alley doctor and engineer obsessed with the MC because they’re a sentient robot with emotions and a lazer arm and rocket boots WOW!!!!!!!!

Story I want to revive:

So I had a story I started writing a long time ago about this tech theatre kid that had a crush on this other theatre kid character, but in a play that other character has to kiss another person for the show, and as the story progresses the MC convinces themselves that it isn’t just a play and that their crush actually loves and is kissing that other kid. And in the play, that other character is supposed to die. Show night comes along and they die, but like actually, and by the hands of the MC (Idk maybe like a light falls on em or smthn). So it’s a grotesque scene the audience sees as just an act. (Mutters I dunno I think my idea’s cool...) So I’ve been wanting to design these characters and work more on the story but I’m busy being obsessed with Rodriquez and Samantha so. (And the Horror Host Club too I love them too still).

Other Characters that either don’t have a specific story or are kind of like background characters:

Jacqueiliquinne Merril: Sara Berry vibes from 35mm (go look up The Ballad of Sara Berry, maybe like an animatic idk the first one that comes up is nice) But otherwise rich, pretty, popular, bitch. Tries to like, steal Louise from his squad and it’s like bro that’s unnecessary who hurt you that’s so rude. She gives Nui from Kill La Kill Vibes too. Oh she knows her name is long and annoying but you have to say the whole thing.

Brianna: Jaqueiliquinne’s sister. Big titty goth gf??? She’s pretty popular too and kind of a bitch too but to a much lesser degree. Her and he sister throw hands a lot when no one is around, you know, “THEY GIRLS ARE FIGHTINNGGGG”.

The Louise Fan Club: 4 characters I haven’t named yet. One writes fanfiction of Louise and shares it with the others and with him sometimes and although he thinks it’s a bit weird he also finds it a tad endearing and supports her. One is an aspiring photographer and is constantly asking Louise to model for him. One is an artist and draws Louise all the time. And one is an aspiring musician who writes songs based of Louise’s relationships which again he finds a little weird but endearing and supports her.

The Jacquiliquinne Merril Fan Club: Genderbent-ish (I say ish because one of the characters is a little bit less defined gender wise) versions of the Louise Fan Club. Yes I’m lazy, and no they don’t get along with them, infact they hate each others club with a passion. 

Unnamed/Undesigned: I wanna make some hacker kid just because I wanna have one.

Unnamed/Undesigned: I also really wanna have a super cutesy magical girl and then a really super duper generic boring character probably like star vs the forces of evil idk I never watched that show but it looks cute.

Me: I exist in the universe fukc you I can do what I want it’s my story and I get to chose the who also if you wanna be in the mess of a universe go ahead draw yourself with my OC’s I allow and encourage and appreciate it. I literally made the Horror Host Club as a sort of Harem story and you are absolutely allowed to make out with them if you’re a monster fucker DO it GO ahead it’s canon.

and that is ALL I have FOR now Knowing me I’ll make like 12 more characters by July, and I mean I need more characters for the high school anyways so...

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-09-15

This caught me laaaate at night gosh I’m tired but I’m gonna get it outta the way so it won’t stick in my craw!  Already saw the first page, so it’s time for:

> CHAPTER 13. The Funeral

Church with chess symbols at the peaks and a Prospit/Derse or Hope/Rage split color theme on the stained glass windows.

JANE: Dearly beloved...

> (==>)

Trolls, humans, and papparazzi.  Oh, hm, this church is RATHER carapacian isn’t it?  Between the chess and the continuing Prospit-Derse themes, like how this corresponds to how they align in the incipisphere top-left to bottom-right if I recall:

(Minus the outlying orbs to the left and right for symmetry.)

That twisted pattern is interesting, and not quite a spirograph.  Is that gonna be important later?  If we’re going to get some sort of class chart later in the comic, it’d be easy for them to hint at the chart’s graphical structure subtly by dropping it places like here.

JANE: Ladies... JANE: Gentlemen... JANE: News outlets... JANE: And other valued members of the Human Nation State.

Technically true, but still odd to hear--  ...oh right, I forgot this was asshole dictator-wannabe Jane, too.

I read an interesting twitter thread recently about the intense psychological distinction between wanting to BE the best, and wanting to be TREATED like you’re the best.  Epilogues/HS^2 Jane is kind of written as a case study on the pitfalls of leaning on the latter instead of the former.

> (==>)

They brought Yiffy WITH them-!?  --Oh right.  The hostage exchange was supposed to happen here wasn’t it.

Yiffy definitely looks like a Harley-Lalonde daughter in this shot.

JANE: Gamzee Makara, High Court Jester, exalted saint of the purple veil, has left us to traverse that grand, gay carnival in the sky, where, I am told by various members of the clownly cloth, he will spend the rest of history, honking in grand tribute to the Mirthful Messiah.

SINGULAR???

Weird.  Is it because Alt!Callie “won” here?

Or is Jane just forgetting because she’s culturally used to monotheism (ironically) and is insensitive.

JANE: And my first memory of our Purple Prince, was his robust codpiece--

Wow.

> (==>)

JANE: --As he offered me his friendly support, along with the sacred blood of his brethren, the holy sacrament--

He STILL killed trolls??! (EDIT: No, a friend points out that she's talking about when she met him first in Act 6 and he tried selling bottles of troll blood to her. EDIT2: -which may be another inconsistency, since Vriska supposedly overwrote that post-retcon.)

> (==>)

It takes Jake a few seconds of puzzled eye contact before he catches exactly what it is Yiffany is tossing down. In his defense, he is distracted by his wife’s speech, which is doing the emotional equivalent of wringing him out like a wet towel, before using that towel to slap the sweaty buttocks of a large, odorous man. Even if he knows everything she’s saying is a load of horsefeathers, it does nothing for his composure to hear her heap praise on that smelly, homewrecking clown.

Bad things about Gamzee deserve to be said here, yes.

Jake wonders what she’ll say about him, at his own funeral.

Now those are some uncomfortable thoughts.

He narrows his eyes in Yiffany’s direction. She’s a lovely girl, really. He wishes he could have gotten to know her under better circumstances. He’d known she existed, of course--Jane had complained about her often enough--but they’d never had much chance to get acquainted. He rather believes her and Tavvy would have been fast friends.

Then again, perhaps it’s better that she never had much of a chance to get to know his family.

He lets go of the leash.

Yep, there’s a plan to set in motion that he’s probably already discussed with her privately.  Gotta unite this four-kid team after all.

> (==>)

Wait, are you ATTACKING?!?  --Of course you’re attacking.  You would even if the plan was something different, wouldn’t you.

JANE: And I know that at times like these it is easy to want to give in. JANE: To throw in the towel, and turn our faces away from the light of democracy and moral fortitude that we, the citizens of the human kingdom, are blessed with from birth. JANE: God knows I’ve had my own faith tested in the last few weeks.

Jesus Christ, what has she turned the place into, a fucking theocracy?

She sounds like the leader of some screwed-up, fundamentalist country!  Like the United States!

*rimshot*

JANE: As many of you know, I did not grow up with the same privileges that all of you enjoy.

Jesus.

JANE: I was born on proto-Earth, that half-finished dystopia mangled by the ravages of foolish leadership and endless war.

Jesus, she really IS a self-evident takedown of hypocritical entitled political figures.  With the bonuses having Jasprose explicitly ADDRESS said entitlement to make things even clearer cut.

JANE: And as for Gamzee, well, his upbringing was even worse. JANE: He was born to a violent and uncaring home, a lonely child with few natural gifts.

...Some natural gifts and status.

> (==>)

She’s just, shaking with fury here isn’t she?  And about to perform an impressive corpse-lob.

JANE: It would be simple to let this disgusting, vile, SHAMEFUL act of spiteful revenge turn us away from the blinding light of the sword of justice that hangs over us all--

This sentence seems suspicious so I’m quoting it to refer to later if I need to, but is probably just platitudes.

> (==>)

JANE: Poised

> (==>)

JANE: Trembling

Okay maybe the sword’s a dick, but what exactly is Yiffany doing??  I’m finding it difficult as usual to tell between some of these image transitions.

> (==>)

JANE: Ready to burst forth--

Bad PR to shock-collar a kid mid press junket.  (Very dicks description.)

> (==>)

Click.  (Did they swap the shock function with Jane’s necklace somehow, that’d be fun.)

JANE: I want to give up, at times. I understand your pain.

While shocking a kid?  GREAT PR.

> (==>)

JANE: I sympathize with your pain.

Wow, those horrified audience members.  She REALLY can’t even see herself anymore can she?  Not even hear herself.  And they’re making sure this is pointed out to EVERYONE watching.  They described this as in large part a PR campaign to defeat her, didn’t they?

> (==>)

Great furious businesswoman-villain look, that art.

JANE: But when that pain! Becomes too hard! To endure! JANE: Remember poor, lifeless Gamzee! Who suffered pain far worse than any of us could ever fathom! JANE: THE PAIN OF BETRAYAL!

Click click click.  This is a fun sequence.

> (==>)

DIRK: Dude, didn’t you lower the voltage on that shock collar? DIRK: Little Red isn’t looking so hot. JAKE: Yes of course i did but the damn doohickys got the kick of a donkey! JAKE: I couldnt remove it completely shed know i was the one who did it! DIRK: Well, if that supervillain cuntwaffle doesn’t stop, she’s going to kill her. Not really the best at hostage management, is she.

Decent plan.  (And of course Dirk would pull out the word cunt.)  When’s the cavalry coming?

> (==>)

JANE: But we cannot allow his memory to be in vain! JANE: For Gamzee Makara taught us that even the most loathsome degenerate can take their place in society. JANE: All they need is the right redemption arc - !

Trying to hammer home some of the Epilogue’s trolly-critical themes a little less bleakly, I take it.

I kind of like the violent vibration in ALL of these gifs in a row.  It makes the scene seem small, slow, teeth-clenching but still full of steady action, emphasizing the importance of the relatively small events from panel to panel while giving them the sense with the animation of them being [i]drawn out[/i] and tortuous instead of just “occurring”.  It feels that way to me, anyway.

> (==>)

If he got up alive here, that’d be hilarious.  (Presumably he’s been treated and done-up like a normal funeral body, not “dormant” and undecaying like a dead god-tier.)

> (==>)

CORPSE PUNT w/ CLEATS

> (==>)

That face is just.  I love that face.

> (==>)

SHE MAD

JANE: Young lady, I am just about at the end of my rope with you. JANE: Throw all the dog bowls you want at the walls of my warship. JANE: But don’t you dare act up in front of a JANE: Live JANE: Fucking JANE: Newsfeed! YIFFY: Grrrrrr

What did you expect to happen?  Do you expect to shout her down from this, Jane?

JANE: After everything I’ve done for you--paying for your education, helping your parents cover up your existence from the world! JANE: Just imagine what Rose and Jade would say if they could see you now, even dissidents can have a little decorum! JANE: Get down from there at once! YIFFY: Grrrrrr

But this is GAMZEE.  --I guess it’s seriously disrespectful to his followers, though.  Still.  If you wanted civility from her, a shock collar, leash, and food bowl wasn’t the way to go about it.

JANE: Don’t you threaten me, young lady. Not today! YIFFY: GRRRRRRRRR

What is your PLAN even, Jane?  You’ve completely disregarded her.

JANE: There’s nowhere for you to go. My agents are swarming this church. Be reasonable, Yiffany. JANE: Ugh. JANE: Disgusting name. JANE: But that’s hardly your fault. You were always just a footnote. Your parents’ little prank. JANE: Honestly, that’s why I helped them all those years ago! I do love a good jape. JANE: But let’s be serious. JANE: You don’t matter. If you did, they would have come for you already.

Can all the press hear her being such an asshole?

Okay, stereotypically, their arrival should be the next couple panels:

> (==>)

Jake, do something useful like hoping harder.

> (==>)

And she knocks the remote away.  Excellent.

And she does. Seemingly at the end of her tolerance for insults toward her name, social status, and heritage, Yiffy performs an impressive backflip off the podium and down onto the church floor. One that, if it hadn’t been happening amidst a sea of other newsworthy events, would surely have ended up on someone’s instagram story within thirty seconds. She gives Gamzee’s corpse one last parting kick: a hard, proper kick that proves those cleats aren’t just for fashion. Although they are certainly also for fashion.

Good, good.

He vanishes into the seething crowd, and we are confident that we will never have to deal with this asshole ever again.

God damnit.

> (==>)

Jake watches this from a safe distance, poised on the edge of intervening to pull Yiffy out of there. But in the end he doesn’t have to. Instead he watches in admiration as she tears the place to utter shreds. An echoing sympathy swells inside of him as she rends apart the funeral flowers and punts Gamzee into the shrieking congregation. Here is a girl who felt the cold, indecent hand of fate wrapping around her, and instead of submitting to it and slowly sublimating down into morasse of boiled doormat, she slapped it away from her with a lively oh, no thank you.

All at once, Jake feels immense affection for his granddaughter. He hopes the two of them can make up for lost time.

Lessons belatedly learned, but learned nonetheless.

> (==>)

JANE: Enough of this. JANE: Seize her!

Kind of Red Queen of you.  (Are those stained glass windows in back of the frame about to burst?)

> (==>)

Yep.

The stained glass window shatters inward, obliterated to stardust. The war is knocking.

Even attacking a disgusting faith’s church is pretty bad form, though.

Tired and busy, seeya next upd8.  <3

[browniesnivy]

hiii brownie idk enough abt yugioh but *insert one of ur yugioh faves* and umm maybe franziska for that character ask game :]

Franziska Von Karma 

How I feel about this character- FRANZISKA LITERALLY SO AMAZING...I love how she’s introduced as just as terrifying and cruel as her father, but then you see that she really does care about helping other people throughout her determination to avenge Edgeworth and to help Phoenix save Maya in Farewell My Turnabout despite taking a bullet to the shoulder (such a good parallel with her father on its own!)... and then with the scene at the airport she’s is allowed to be emotionally vulnerable without being any less of a competent prodigy of law! She’s just... so fucking cool I LOVE HER!

All the people I ship romantically with this character- Maya Fey! I love the contrast between both of their personalities making them seem like total opposites, but when you look at their connection to a family legacy it becomes obvious they have a lot in common. I wish the games had expanded on their dynamic more, but unfortunately lesbians are oppressed :( 

My non-romantic OTP for this character- VON KARMA SIBLINGS... Mieke I know you agree with me on this! They grew up with the same terrible expectation that come with being a prodigy, and so they’re really the only ones who’s can comfort and understand each other... they obviously both feel such an obligation to protect each other and it makes me so CRAZY UGH. BROTHER AND SISTER! 

My unpopular opinion about this character- I don’t think this is an unpopular opinion but I wish she’d kept the shorter hair design from the concept art where her hair is slicked forward to contrast with her father’s slicked back hair, not only because I’m a lesbian and that hairstyle was SO GAY but because I think it could have highlighted or even foreshadowed how she differs from Manfred. Maybe since she hasn’t been able to abandon his influences by Justice for All it wouldn’t make since for her to have such a “wild” hairstyle, but I think that if she returns it would be amazing to see her with that hairstyle to represent how she’s moved on after a decade.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon- SHOW HER DENOUNCING MANFRED VON KARMA FOR REAL. I can understand that it would take time for her to fully accept that her father was not as admirable as she’d been least to believe, but by this point in the timeline I think it’s time for that aspect of her character arc to be resolved. The natural conclusion of her development requires her experiencing the same acceptance of defeat as her brother, so I really hope that if they bring Franziska back at some point she’ll be allowed to admit that her father was awful and that victory isn’t an indication of worth.

Rex Raptor

How I feel about this character- HE IS MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IN ANY PIECE OF MEDIA EVER. I know that he isn’t meant to be a deep character at all and he isn’t given much narrative focus at all but he is just SO DAMN ENDEARING TO ME OKAY. I have an unhealthy obsession with how he is initially introduced as being crass and inconsiderate while Weevil is more polite and strategic, but then it turns out Weevil is a total asshole while Rex is just... a kid who likes dinosaurs and duels for fun? Like even though he’s a total dumbass (the best character trait) who can be a bit rude (not even mean-spirited if we’re being totally honest, like most of his remarks are just him being snarky), the manga describes him as “having to the spirit of a true duelist” and he never really seems as bitter about losing as his counterpart Weevil (except in the Season 4 filler arc, which although I adore for giving me so much more Rex content, makes a lot mistakes by characterizing him as basically interchangeable with Weevil... BUT that’s ANOTHER STORY for ANOTHER DAY). I mean he has more justifiable reasons to be upset than Weevil given how he was LITERALLY cheated out of the Battle City tournaments by Espa (which Mokuba the official rule enforcer LETS THEM GET AWAY WITH and then doesn’t do ANYTHING to compensate Rex), and he STILL tries to warn Joey to stay away from trouble despite him being the guy he supposedly dislikes because he took his best card, totally disgracing him and ruining his entire career. I could keep going but this paragraph isn’t probably already sickeningly long and I still need to be able to make posts about him in the future, so in a nutshell... he seems like a funny and good kid. OH AND WHEN MAI ASKED HIM THE “what can you see but cannot see” RIDDLE AND HE ANSWERED TAKOYAKI BECAUSE YOU CAN SEE THE DOUGH ON THE OUTSIDE BUT NOT THE OCTOPUS ON THE INSIDE? LITERAL CUTEST SHIT EVER KING OF COMEDY I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU. Ahem. Sorry.  

All the people I ship romantically with this character- Weevil Underwood. They’re both teenagers who got famous, let it get to their heads, and then lost everything... considering that they seem like the types of kids who would be bullied relentlessly (they're already constantly being made fun of by mostly of the character anyway), I think the fact that they end up befriending each other is a good sign that they can find some comfort in each other and discover other things to be fulfilled by beside card games. I love how even though this friendship is framed as a begrudging alliance between two self-servings jerks half of the time, the other half of the time it’s about best friends starting a shit together for petty reasons and always being by each other’s side no matter what. The way that they tease each other constantly but then always stand up for one another when others pick on them... it’s so obvious that they actually really care about one another! I just love their dynamic so much it’s unreal, hence the blog.

My non-romantic OTP for this character- Although I primarily think about his relationship with Weevil, there is still a lot of potential to be explored with other characters! Mako is another minor character obsessed with a type of animal, but where’s he differs from Rex and ESPECIALLY Weevil is his sportsmanship, being able to become friends with Yugi and Joey even after being defeated by them. I think that difference mostly comes down to Mako being significantly older than Red and Weevil and therefore having more perspective on gaming fame, so I feel like he would be a great influence on them. On Rex specifically, I think Season 4 missed a big opportunity to expand on Rex and Mai’s relationship. Mai had been a major contributor to Rex losing in Duelist Kingdom, but now they both feel like washed-up failures. I think given the circumstances they could have comeback to an understanding, maybe even have Mai apologize for throwing him under the bus to screw with Joey? I think showing Rex that not everyone who has wronged him in the past had/still has bad intentions would be really good addition to his character arc in Season 4. Then of course there is Joey... to me, the main difference between Rex and Joey is that Joey is stupidly lucky while Rex never seems to catch a break. Otherwise they’re both recklessness dumbasses who prioritize brawn over brain, but Joey is nevertheless able to triumph through sheer dumb luck while Rex gets anihilated over and over with basically the same strategy (minus the RNG cards, Joey’s strategy is just big monsters after all). While the previously mentions she relationships were hypothetical, this dynamic between Joey and Rex is actually given some focus in canon, and I found it very compelling! I only wish this difference between them hadn't only been used to increase Joey’s confidence in his skills as a duelist (which I will remind you is mostly LUCK, no offense to Joey because I do love him BUT I MEAN... only being able to beat Rex because of a lucky Time Wizard isn’t peak strategy ), but to develop Rex’s character somehow as well. 

My unpopular opinion about this character- JUST LIKING THIS CHARACTER IS AN UNPOPULAR OPINION MAN... tons of people hate him so much! I know he isn’t an important character at all but he isn’t nearly as much of a jerk as people make him out to be, and I mean even if he was he’s just a kid! I won’t pretend that he is always portrayed favorably by the narrative, but the fact that some people feel nothing but disdain for a child whose accomplishments were robbed from him by forces outside of his control and who received no sympathy for it, causing his self-worth to deteriorate... it’s a bit concerning to me that so many adults in particular are so disgusted by that. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon- I’ve talked QUITE a lot already about things that I wish had happened to develop his character more, but above all else I wish his character arc in Season 4 had been given a proper conclusion. The writers set up this interesting conflict where the insignificant minor characters are upset that they aren’t allowed to be successful when the more important characters aren’t involved and shows the consequences that their defeat had on their lives and self-image... BUT THEN AFTER THEY’RE DEFEATED THEY ARE FORGOTTEN ABOUT FOR THE REST OF THE SEASON UNTIL THEY WAKE UP IN THE HOSPITAL AND INSTANTLY REVERT BACK TO BEING COMIC RELIEF GRRR GRRRRRRRR! There wasn’t no resolution to this arc AT ALL and it drives me UP THE GODDAMN WALL because it absolutely captivated me in concept... but like with many things in Yu-Gi-Oh! the execution was totally ruined :(