#even when you arent a christian or a girl anymore

[exmotranny]

beaded bracelet grasped/like a rosary

hands pressed together/hands in prayer

sit in a circle/say the words

sing the songs/we all know

you're part of the group/you are one of us

candlelit comfort/been around forever

generations of girls/exact same thing

beads/bracelet

hands/prayer

group/circle

holy/night

famous/ritual

now you are older and have left/the group

now you cannot relate/to those days

no longer a girl/no longer believe

hands sit loosely/stay silent

left the circle/they talk about you

your short hair/your old jeans

original/not worthy

happier/now

[the-smiling-grinner]

hey uh dont read this 👍 TW vent

okay so basically everything has gone to shit. lets get a lil back story here

so ill be 17 soon (terrifying) and it will be almost 4 years sober of everything and i could not be more miserable. when i was 12 i abused perscription medication during the 2020 lockdown and in the process got into other things (cigs and alchol).

i dont really think that anyone understands how deep it goes. i mean think about it, a 12 yearold already suffering from halucinations, delusions and other things. on two kinds of anti psychotics, drinking, smoking and taking way to many pills. its pretty messed up.

my parents had never been the best but a brain tumour caused my mother to become abusive. i dont remember much of 2020-2021 bc i was either high, drunk, in a psychotic episode or sometimes all three. but i remember some things and the things i do remember are bad. it got so bad that i barely knew what was going on half the time.

safe to say my appearence was less than ideal. i wore a covid face mask constantly. even when you stopped having to at school. and i still wear it. simply bc i know people will make fun of me for it more than they already do if i take it off. as much as i want to stop wearing it, i know i cant.

my hair was dyed black and greasy, my achne was bad and my teeth were messed up. i was over weight, then under weight, then over weight again. i was hidious. evey photo taken of me, i looked through the camera. i had nothing left behind my eyes. i was so close to giving up entirely.

my mother had her brain tumour removed and my life was starting to take shape again. thats when she came in. she was beautiful in every way. i hated her but i loved her all the same. she caused me so much pain but it felt great.

it seemed like a good idea at the time. to date her. but i soon deacovered that she was not like she seemed. in many ways ill not describe. she ripped me appart, absolutly gutted me from the inside. i developed FND (look it up i cant be bothered explaining). my life was starting to go down hill again. i felt sick constantly. my halucinations were terrible and my mental state was even worse. i had sezures and headaches every day.

then we broke up. it was drawn out and long but to leave it all behind was freeing. i felt free for the first time in months. then she back stabbed me. i wont say what happend but this is the reason i can not trust people. my paranoia is through the roof. i constantly think about how everyone is conspiring against me and that they arent really my friends.

anyway. enough about her.

i am lonely and i fear that i will always feel this way. i have friends and a boyfriend yes but they also have friends. my halucinations icolate me. i behave agressively and erratically. nothing as bad as 2021 and 2020 but still bad.

i dont know what to do so i throw myself into school. its all i really do anymore. that and pretend i have friends. i sit at the kitchen bench and speak to no one. i have many friends there. i can act how i want and they like it. i have no one to talk to about this.

i try to talk to God but i feel bad burdening him with it like i am with everyone else. i dont feel good enough for God or any one for that matter.

im nothing like the pretty Christian girls on tiktok who look so pure and sweet. the look so kind. true women of God. i am not. i try to be but it never works out. i look scruffy, my hair is always messed up, i wear weird clothes, im rude, i cuss way too much and im just not a very nice person to be around.

i want to be tho. more than anything i want to be kind. i want to be good enough. and it doesnt even seem like im trying.

i really want cigs and alchaol. to medicate like i did all those years ago but i cant. sinning every day with small things is bad enough but those are worse.

i do my best in school and thats enough. it makes me feel like enough. im good at school. im good at it. im not good at many things but im good in school. i got dux in two subjects last year and finished top 10% of my grade. thats enough right?

every day i feel my sanity slowly slipping away. being replaced by paranoia and horrible halcinatoins. i tell myself that ill never get as bad as i was back then but deep down, i want it. bc this time, people would see it. they would know how bad it is and how my jokes are just a cry for help.

i have been put on more medication as of recently and im scaired. i dont know what it will do to me. will it kill me? will it make me put on weight? who knows. ive already had bulimia i dont need it again.

on top of this, im loosing my best friend. i can see how much they suffer. i can see how bad it is for them. they have made heaps of new friends recently and i am so happy for them but we so rarely talk now. when we do, its great. we used to see eachother every weekend, now we dont. i ask first to hang out and i feel bad, like im forcing them. i dont want to force them.

there was more i could have done for them that night. if it wasnt for those drugs. those fucking drugs. the dugs that i took to take me away from everything. to make me happy. but i wasnt happy. i was insane. i was deranged. surely anyone who looked at me could see it. that night i ripped out 4 teeth. one of them was an adult tooth. a mf adult tooth. i tore out a tooth. i was 13 by then.

i have to make my parents happy and when i dont i feel bad. i want to make my dad happy and go to his house but i hate that house. i want to make my mum happy but it always ends in an argument. i want to make my friends happy but i cant and if they can find friends to make them happy. then thats okay.

i just dont know anymore. everything is so blury. the paranoia is imence. i hate it. anyway. hope no one actually reads this.

there is SO much more but this is all for now

[leadrains]

OMG guys you will never believe what happened at barnes and noble today

so i was looking through their records and trying to find a three cheers for sweet revenge record (i already have it obviously i am not a fake fan but i wanted more i have all the different color variants im a collector with a collection valuing around 20k, i even have an official black parade jacket). i finally found all of the mcr records and right when i was going to grab three cheers some bitchy blonde snatched it up! she was with two other blonde girls too

"what's this loser shit" she sneered "who even listens to mcr anymore? arent they a cult?"

she must not have noticed i was there so i tapped her shoulder. mind you im very emo, i have really pale skin and long black hair and i was wearing red contacts so i looked scary.

"excuse me" i said "i was looking for that record"

she looked me up and down and her friends backed up and looked scared but she stayed right in front of me.

"oh yeah? well people who listen to this music are satan worshippers. you go against god. go listen to some [she named some random christian band i dont care to remember the name of]."

normally i would have just walked away but i noticed a few people looking so i stood my ground.

"actually if anything christianity is a cult" i said honestly

her eyes bugged out "you cant say that! devil worshipper!" that made her really angry so she threw the record! but people dont know when they look at me that i play soccer so i was super fast and i caught it. i was so fast that it looked like i flew.

"w-what" the bitchy blonde said "youre a vampire!"

"vampires will never hurt you" i said, making a clever reference

her friends got scared and ran away, just then security came.

"excuse me miss, you cant destroy records. we're gonna have to ask you to leave."

they removed the bitchy blonde and all of the people who has been watching clapped! an old woman with black hair and black lipstick walked up to me and told me she liked my style and loved my chemical romance. then barnes and noble let me have the record for free because i saved it from being broken. apparently they have had a lot of issues with the bitchy blonde and i finally gave them an excuse to ban her. they also gave me a ton of free books!

so yeah, that's what happened at barnes and noble today. the end.

[nikkisixxsgirlfriend]

she

robin buckley x reader

[a fight with your best friend leads to a long overdue confession]

you'd been friends with robin for years,practically since diapers.you were always together.always working the same jobs,always in the same classes.you always had these inside jokes that no one really understood.you were joined by the hip.the best of friends and all that cheesy crap people say.

but for a while now you'd been wanting more.you knew it wasnt deemed normal by those around you.if your orthodox christian parents found out,or the kids of your small town ever knew,it'd be the end of your cushy life at hawkins.

it started small.you noticed yourself slipping up,thinking about her more than usual.about how pretty she was,youd notice yourself heating up when she held your hand.how you would stare at her lips longer than you should have.you figured it was just normal girly friendship stuff.

but it hit one day.when you saw her,laughing with steve,she looked at him like he was the only person in the world.it made your stomach turn.it made you jealous,that wasnt a normal girl thing.you thought about it,why you never liked steve like everyone else,or any guy for that matter.why you'd spent so many years by robins side never going on dates or talking about boys.

you tried your best to forget it,but each day it seemed like she got closer to steve.you were scared of losing her,either to steve,or by telling her the truth.eventually it just became too much too bare.

robin and steve had this job together at the video store,getting jobs together was something you two had always done,it helped pass the time,but she hadn't even told you she got the job,let alone applied.

needless to say you were pissed,and in a mood to fight the hair atop steves head.

"hey ___ i didn't know you were coming here today" robin said smiling that annoyingly lovely smile.

"i didn't even know you worked here" you muttered.

steve sensed there was something going on and decided to go do something in the back,something being to sit around waiting for robin to tell him what happened.

"what's up?"robin asked,it was annoying how genuinely concerned she was.she hadnt done anything wrong.and even if she had,she didnt know.it wasn't her fault,but you needed someone to blame for how you felt.

"what's up is you've basically been ignoring me for months now,your best friend.or what,is steve,the douchebag we used to make fun of,suddenly your best friend?what happened to us robin we used to be best friends and now youve cast me away for him!"

"i didnt cast you away,ive been busy!and steve is not a douchebag.look youre still my best friend okay,im sorry."

"bullshit,if i hadnt come here today you wouldnt care.you and steve would be off doing god knows what and id have no one!"

"so what?you want me to ditch steve,is that it?are you jealous?"

"yes,of course im fucking jealous!"

"are you jealous of me?since when did you like steve?okay im sorry but im not dating st-"

"im jealous of steve you idiot!"

she stopped for a minute.not sure how to take that last line.

"im in love with you robin!and i dont care who you tell or if you think im a freak,i dont care if we arent best friends anymore,just fucking tell me so i can carry on with my stupid life.so i can get over you!"

a teary eyed,snot filled confession.you must have looked crazy.wiping the tears away whilst trying to storm out wasnt as badass as it was in movies.especially when you slammed into the door.now that,that,was truly your lowest moment.

"shit,shit,shit"you said clutching your head.robin had already begun running towards you from behind the counter.she got to you and placed her hands on both sides of your face.you sniffed away a few more tears.it was so embarassing you were convinced youd have to move towns.

the crazy lesbian who ran into doors.

you turned to robin about to apologize for your fight.but rather than her being serious,she was laughing.and soon after you were laughing too.

"you arent supposed to be laughing,asshole"you smiled

"believe me i tried my best not to"

and there you were again,you and robin,laughing your asses off at the worst of times.the tears had stopped and robin helped wipe the remnants off your face.after another silence robin spoke up.

"you know steve and i arent a couple."

"yeah,yeah,i know,i was just-"

"we arent a couple because i like girls."

you looked at her with big,hopeful eyes.

she kept both of her hands on the sides of your face.she closed her eyes and put her forehead to yours.you closed your eyes to mirror her.

"i have loved you since you cried in kindergarten when you fell off the monkey bars." she confessed.

you let out a small laugh,your heart beating so fast that it rang in your eyes."ive been avoiding you because it was too much,whenever i see you i can only think of telling you how much i love you.and i can only think of grabbing you and kissing you."

"then do it."

╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╮

"okay im sorry i was gonna wait until you came to the back but-" steve said walking into the room.you and robin turned to him,her hands on your head,and your proximity enough to give steve the impression of the situation. "im gonna go do ... something" he said,blanking on an actual reason. "oh and by the way,im not a douchebag" steve yelled whilst walking away.making you and robin laugh again.

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╯

[diavolosthots]

How would the brothers react to their MC having really strict religious (Christen) parents?

I feel bad for the kids of strict Christian parents because ive only ever heard horror stories (not saying that there arent good ones out there, I'm just saying ive only ever heard horror stories)

THE BROTHERS to MC having strict religious parents

Lucifer:

Girl you already know hes gonna show up with PRIDE like "Good Evening, my name is Lucifer." And watch your parents pass out. Finds humor in it, too. Might get agitated if they throw a bible at him or something but overall he has like the "polite passive aggressiveness" if you know what I mean.

Mammon:

So? What about it? Are ya scared they're gonna lock you up for dating a demon? Pfft. They should be watching their backs if they try anything against him. Doesn't care if theyre christian, muslim, or Satanists. Hes dating you, not them.

Leviathan:

Lololololool hes simply going to refuse ever meeting them. Hes scared they'll just hate solely based on the fact that he's a demon, and who wants to deal with that? Why try something that could potentially end bad when you can just avoid them?

Satan:

This depends entirely on how christian they are. If its the "Hey we're the cool kind who dont force religion on anyone else" then youre fine. If they're the disgusting kind then you can bet hes going to switch into demon form JUST to give them a nice heart attack and laugh in their face

Asmodeus:

Oh you don't have to worry he can be completely normal. "Ah yes Moses, he was my buddy a long time ago. Such a sad time when he got nailed to the cross" literally fucks up the bible to impress and doesnt realize it. Good luck.

Beelzebub:

Hes not here to discuss religion, he's here to discuss your parent's cooking. Sure they can ask questions, throw holy water on him, or cite the prayer of the lord, but hes still gonna eat their fridge empty.

Belphegor:

Ugh dont even go on. He already doesnt want to meet them anymore. Christians can be so stuck up and he doesnt want to risk getting yeeted by your parents. If theyre nice, cool, if they try to get rid of him they might have a demon in their house from now on.

[pokeheros-drama]

Ooo apparently I didn’t scroll down enough. I’m blind lol. “No Taavi, I'm gonna disrespect your religion if it includes being discriminatory towards minorities Deal with it lmao.” Honestly you should do your research first. My religion was the first religion who was against discrimination. We gave women their rights before anyone else. We made slavery a sin before anyone else. We gave black people equal rights before anyone else. My religion is against discrimination. We were the first to treat people outside our religion as equals. So don’t you bring this discrimination thing to me. We believe there is a difference between choices and things which he have no choice over. Caste, colour, creed, sex etc are things you can’t choose. Our religion and in some cases sexuality are things we can choose. We do not disrespect. We do not force you to become Muslims and start believing in what we believe In. We do not force our practices on you. In a Muslim state a Christian, a gay, and everyone of the minorities can live with security and with respect as long as they follow the law. That is Islam. That is my religion. Im not denying Muslims have done hate crimes in the past. But don’t forget Christians have too. There are black sheep’s who show extremist behaviour everywhere. But that is not our religion. If besides all that you continue to disrespect my religion and judge it based on the extremists. Then that just shows who you are as a person and you should be ashamed. “If your religion told you to jump off a bridge when you turn 50 would you still do that? If your religion told you black people were a mistake would you still believe that? If your religion told you in order to go to heaven you had to kill somebody would you still follow it?” As stated earlier my religion was the first one to give black people their rights so them being a mistake is out of question. I doubt my religion would ever tell me anything like this. But for questions sake. No I won’t kill the person. At least not without knowing why they want me to kill the person. But unless it’s not anything major no I won’t kill him. Again as stated before I don’t just blindly follow my religion. I have been given a brain to differentiate right from wrong. So I use it to decide if I want to do something or not. About the jumping from bridge. I believe enough in my religion to know it won’t just ask me to do something for no reason. But to be honest unless they tell me that reason I won’t jump. Again as stated before I don’t just blindly follow my religion. I have been given a brain to differentiate right from wrong. So I use it to decide if I want to do something or not “Taavi shut the fuck up already, no one cares about ur long ass replys.” You cared enough to write this. Just don’t read them if you don’t want to. “Her age was never specified on the feed. Age and sex aside, nobody owes it you to be nice. By posting that feed publicly, it shows that you're still salty over their actions despite you "understanding and not insisting anymore".” Yeah I never mentioned her exact age. True. But I clearly remember saying child/girl and not women. So don’t spin my words please. I wasn’t salty about her not being nice, I was salty about the things that drove her to be like that. I was salty about the world we live in, in which kids have to afraid of other people offering help. Whether that is the fault of society or the way this stupid world works. And honestly if you can’t understand that then there’s no point in continuing this. “I don't even know Taavi but honestly if you defend homophobic/transphobic/racist/sexist/bigoted people you're no better than the people you're defending. People have been murdered for this. Killed in the fucking streets. Executed in their own homes. And even if they're not killed, you cannot fathom the mental and emotional abuse these people face every day just for being "different from the norm." Any religion that says "turn a blind eye to bigotry uwu" is a shitty-ass religion. Trans rights.” Ok so first the people you are mentioning are extremists. I’d like to make it clear I am against all kinds of extremist behaviour. Sadly there are extremists in every religion and society. let’s just say for a second that person A is trans. Person B is transphobic. They are against trans people. They hate them, don’t respect them and believe they shouldn’t have equal rights. Person C is not transphobic. They respect trans people. They treat them as equal and believe they should have equal rights. They just don’t support them. They don’t believe being trans is the right thing to do but if someone is they got nothing against it. Now Person A is in the white zone. Person B is in the black zone. You guys automatically put person C in the black zone too when in reality they are a shade of grey. So does person C deserve the same witch hunt person B gets? No they don’t. Yet they are treated the same. Does everyone has to support you to be a good person and if they don’t see eye to eye with you they are automatically a bad person? Then explain the difference between you and the person B? Why is it just not ok to just like not support anything. I treat you with respect as much as I treat the straights. I don’t judge you. Why can’t just not be enough? You guys want equal rights? What more equality you need? We literally treat you the same. “Taavi listen man I try very hard to understand where you're coming from and I don't believe you deserve hate at all, but I really don't understand what you want to sway your opinion on the subject at hand. Truth be told, you arent lgbtq, so you have No idea what the oppression and hate we face is like. So of course some of us will get rightfully upset when you say homophobes don't deserve the witch hunt. I personally try to educate before berating someone but even then some people aren't homophobic because they're uneducated, they are like that because it's safe for them to be that way in the eyes of Society(3). So to other lgbtq people the first resort is to make homophobia something to be ashamed of, so that, you know, less hatecrimes are committed. Obviously you wouldn't understand this though, or at least not as much as we do, because you arent lgbtq. You have talked to me and my friend and we try our best to help educate you so I dont get why you haven't changed your opinion really. Just because some others get mad at you, from years of repressed oppression? I just don't understand it. - pokeheroes dot com user Riordan-“ First of all I respect you a lot for not hiding behind the mask of anonymity. More then anyone on here at least. As mentioned above all I want is for people to not treat us people in the grey zone the same way they treat the people in the black. Yes sure we aren’t in the white. But we aren’t in the black either. We don’t deserve this witch hunt these people start every time. My friends aren’t even transphobic but they just labelled them as one and continue to spout hate about them. I honestly myself believe that the people who harm others deserve the criticism yes, but me or my friends never harmed anyone. Name one person I disrespected, or treated badly just cause they were not straight. I’m sorry I can’t agree with everyone on the matter that it’s perfectly alright to be gay or whatever. I won’t force my opinion on you. I won’t ask you to stop being you. I won’t judge you just cause of that. I will respect you as much as I do others. All I want it you do the same. I’m not harming anyone. So why do you force your opinions on me. Why can’t you respect me? Why do you judge me? As to the part of you guys educating me. Trust me that is seriously very much appreciated. Maybe one day I will change my opinions. That day isn’t here yet sadly. Also I do understand the oppression they feel. Trust me I know it a lot more then you would think. (Maybe one day you will but that day isn’t t near) I also understand the hate you are talking about. It isn’t much different from the hate islamophobics give to Muslims. Just for being a Muslim I’ve been hated in the past. Just for being from Pakistan I’ve been hated in the past. That’s why I’m saying. There are people who just don’t support your views. I have seen aethists, Christians, Hindus and many more who don’t meet eye to eye with me on my views. They don’t consider my beliefs right. I don’t consider theirs. But we respect each other’s beliefs. You know? It wouldn’t be fair to categorise those who don’t look eye to eye with me but still respect me and treat me the same way they treat others in the same category as people who are against my beliefs and just wish Islam would disappear from this world. Who don’t respect me and my beliefs. Get what I’m saying? Honestly I could care less if people start getting attracted to their cars or their frying pan. It’s their choice. Sure I won’t support it. I won’t be like it’s perfectly alright to be like that. But I won’t be against it either. If someone is that’s their choice. I don’t care. I will treat them the same I treat any other person. End of story. ~~~~~~~ Love Taavi

[v-ent]

>i know he hurt me several times as a child but i feel like im not remembering everything. my childhood is so blurry and patchy.... the teachers at school hate me. i go to a christian school (im a trans boy but not out for obvious reasons) and when they found out i liked another girl they sent us both to therapy so we wouldnt like girls anymore. the teachers dont forgive me. they treat me badly. i feel so alone and i just want a hug. i cant trust any of the adults in my life..

I’m so sorry you are currently in that sort of environment. That type of behavior is 100% not okay? and? should? not? be? allowed??? I am so sorry. You do know that it is so okay that you like girls right? the fault is not at ALL on you angel. Gosh this is a horrible situation. I know that it is a hard situation and since you are alone 10 times more scary, but is there anyway you would ever tell someone about whats happening? outside of school? I don’t know how old you are but there are services that would one, probably be seriously concerned about the way the school is handling things? and two, hopefully be able to help you. I hope you are okay angel. I wish I could give you a big hug and make you feel better!! Please message anytime and get as much off your chest as you can. Therapy would be good for you but I know right now that probably is not even a possibility and that’s okay! Message here for now and let me know if you decide you are going to tell someone. It’s okay if you arent ready. Mark your messages with something so I know it’s you next time you message. Hope you are well. Stay safe.

-Em

[buhaynireesa-blog]

Why does my love life suck… 05/27/2019

I know I know I am only 22 but still… fuck man I am such a hopeless romantic. I just have a lot of expectations from guys especially since I was with a dude for 6 years then dated multiple guys for months until I started seeing Rocky. I really thought Rocky was the one just because he seemed perfect at 1st, from everything I want in a boyfriend. As months goes by, not even months… 10 months…. TEN mothafuckin months we still arent official. I dont even know anymore, I am always the ‘what if’ type of person like, 'what if I wait 3 more months and then I could be the happiest girl and he finally asks me out…’ but sometimes I do need to learn to let go. I feel like his ex really fucked him up and made him hesitant to being him because he was super romantic at first and I know life’s getting to him, family, school, work. Just stress all together but man… if not now then never right…. theres never going to be a right time, people say BUT I believe that’s bullshit. It’s not about the timing if yall blaming timing, then that’s really not it, it just means that person is not for you. I dont know how long I can hold onto him, I want to make it work so bad but it’s just not there. He lies about little shit, never has time for me, replies hours later… why was he so amazing at first and now it’s just like ehh, back to square root 1. I want to care about him, I want to be there for him, I want to love him… theres so many times where I’ve almost said I’ve loved him but he just runs it. Ruins it by being M.I.A all day, replying hours later, etc. Like sometimes I wonder if he even genuinely likes me like he says he does. Or when he says I am the greatest thing that ever happened to him… really?? Because I dont feel or see it…. why do I always have the worst luck in 'love’… I know, I know God I should be patient, I am only 22 but the tease/: I just dont feel like getting used. I thought Christian was the one, but nope.. joined the military and the long distance didnt work out. Thought rocky was the one because LITERALLY he was everything I wanted in a fucking boyfriend. Fuck.