#everything is so sad for aaron rn

[renamusing]

you ever think about how robert handed himself in so aaron could live a normal life surrounded by his family only for said family to wash their hands off aaron whenever it was convenient for them and now aaron is utterly alone about to fight his uncle supposedly to the death in the same garage where his uncle once saved his life and where aaron got married to the love of his life who sacrificed everything for him? im gonna turn into the joker fr this time

[kairiscorner]

never feel ashamed that you're feeling. — miles 42 with an emotional!adopted!younger sister!reader

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

summary: some kids at school just really won't leave you alone and stop teasing you for things you didn't want to be reminded of, but your big brother miles isn't gonna let you dwell on those sad, painful thoughts any longer. pairing: earth 42 miles with an emotional!adopted!younger sister!reader genre: platonically angsty, fluffy, and comforting !! word count: 745 request: miles with an adopted!sister who is very sensitive.(12 yo) so like, someone was making fun of reader and then miles saw a readers eye starting to tear up. what will he do?🤷🏻‍♀️ thanks you 💋😘 (you're the reason why i watched atsv) author's note: i need a kuya miles in my buhay i swear (ALSO I'M SO HONORED TO KNOW ANON WATCHED ATSV ALL BC OF ME, WHAT ... i'm cryin rn fr and in the mood to rewatch itsv since it released on netflix for us again FINALLY) i hope ya like this anon 🫂

miles came home to the sound of his darling little sister bawling in her room, the door slightly ajar, allowing for her cries to be heard all throughout the house. neither uncle aaron nor their mom was home yet, and they wouldn't be home until later that night–miles was the only one there right now, and he was worried sick about what was happening to his little sister. he climbed up the stairs and called out to her, gently asking her if she was okay or needed help, but all he was responded to with were muffled cries of 'get out of here, miles' and 'leave me alone'.

"hey... is everything... are you..." miles stuttered, unsure of how to approach you because it was usually rio or aaron tending to you and comforting you ever since. miles had known you were a little more emotion than most kids your age, but he loved you dearly and wanted to help, but he... didn't know where to start, because he knew that from how you looked now, you clearly were not okay. miles placed a hand on your shoulder and looked at you with a sympathetic look. "come on, please, look at me?" miles asked you as he offered you a handkerchief from his jacket's pocket, which you weakly took and blew your swollen nose with. your eyes were puffy and had tears relentlessly flowing from them, and your sniffles got even louder as miles wrapped his arm around you, moving closer to you and letting you know through his gestures and actions that he's listening, he's gonna help you, any way he can.

"the... kids at school..." you began, blowing your nose into the handkerchief and sloppily wiping away at your tears as miles hung on to every word you uttered, determined to figure out why you were crying. "...they kept... they kept teasing me, saying mamí wasn't... wasn't my real mom. tió aaron, he... he looks nothing like me... i'm not... i'm not part of this f-family..." you stuttered out, your voice faltering as you sobbed all over again, painfully reminiscing how you began to tear up when those kids kept pestering you, saying you weren't a real morales.

miles looked at you with a look of shock, he was undoubtedly angry at those kids that tried hurting you, thinking their joke was any funny to tell anybody—let alone you, you who was easily swayed by the winds of emotion, easily hurt, easily excited; the you who was vulnerable to many things. you were already insecure ever since you were welcomed into the morales' family ever since you were a young girl, you were always told you were part of the family, and as much as you wanted to believe them... you were so used to being rejected by people you hoped to love you, hoped to give you a home that would last forever and a family that would unconditionally be yours and you'd be theirs until the end of time. the morales family was just that family, but no matter how much you wanted to believe you were a part of their family... you were always reminded that they weren't originally yours, you were adopted, welcomed in, not made in the family.

miles didn't care if you looked slightly or greatly different from him and his family, he didn't care if you had completely different biological parents nor if your name wouldn't have 'morales' in it if rio and aaron didn't take you in; he didn't care if you didn't have a drop of their blood in you, miles loved you as his dearest little sister, no matter who you really were or who you came from. "no... don't listen to that, it... it doesn't matter if you didn't come from mamí or don't have a drop of our blood in you... we love you all the same, i love you all the same." he muttered, kissing the top of your head and squeezing you tight ever so often as he wrapped you in his embrace, shushing you and telling you that you were a morales, you were one of theirs, through, and through, and through. you sobbed even more as miles reassured you that, no matter whose blood coursed through your veins, no matter how differently you two may look, or if you carried the surname 'morales' with you or not—you were his little sister, from now, until the end of time.

tags !! @q2ie @conitagray @ii01vq @luvstarrstruck @maxoloqy @k4tsu3 @solecitoszn @toneystank-3000 @popeheywardssecretgf @lovefrominaya @onginlove @meowmoraless @euphovlq

[thetransartguy]

PLEASE MAKE A PART TWO OF YOUR HEART LIES WITH ME MY DEAR

Your heart Lies with me my dear pt 2

So, im sorry this took so long to write i got busy with school (end of a grading period), then i got (still have) a UTI, im in a lot of pain rn mainly my lower back so as i am writing this im laying on a heating pad.

CW: just sad, trust issues, bad writing lmao also not my gif

Seeing Hotchner for the first time in 5 years was shocking, but seeing him like this was even more shocking. He had a look in his eyes he'd never seen before. It's not worry, it's not fear. ….. is it hurt? You think to yourself as you sit on your sofa talking to JJ.

How can he be hurt if he leaves? You didn't leave him, and he had no right to be upset at you. Clearly, he didn't want you, so what was the point in telling him that you had a child? Jack had never mentioned wanting anymore kids, so that would be one less thing for him to worry about.

The other agents were gone, leaving you alone with your ex. Could you even call him that? You two never made it official. And yet you still viewed him as your boyfriend,Was that stupid of you? probably. Did you care? not really.

It was quiet, not the comfortable quiet, but the uncomfortable kind—the kind that makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up—kind of quiet. He looked at you; his eyes were ice cold. This hurt your heart more than it should have. It had been 5 years, and yet you still went over him.

Eliza was put down for a nap, so you didn't have to worry about her seeing this side of him. She didn't know that Hotchner was her dad because she never asked, but if he had, you would have told her.

“Why didn't you call me..." The old man asks quietly. You don't look at him; you don't dare fucking look at him, not because he would do anything bad, but because you knew you would fall for him all over again.

“You left. I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me." You respond plainly but quietly so as not to make the situation worse. Hotchner sighs and rests his face in his hands.

It was quiet for a long moment, and neither of you said, “Listen." I did what I thought was best," Aaron said in a stern tone, making you laugh. "I did what you thought was best." You pause for a moment. "Aaron, you left without any reason and didn't even give me time to fucking process everything, and as for my baby, which I know you're going to ask about,” you snapped. “I didn't think you would want to see her considering how fast you fucking left.”

Aaron was taken aback by your behavior; he's never seen you mad before. A look of shock on his face made him more shocked than before. “(Y/N)...." Before he could finish, you cut him off. “No. I found out I was pregnant three months after you left. You left, not me," the younger woman couldn't help but have her eyes filled with tears.

She was mad rightfully, so the man she loved left out of nowhere. How was she supposed to react, and the fact that he felt so entitled in this moment didn't make it any better?

“(Y/N)... listen to me, I want to be in her life. I want to be in your life." He sounded broken.. so broken.. so sad.. you let out a shaky breath. “You're just going to leave again." This broke Hotchner's heart. He knew you would have to gain your trust back, which was going to take a while, and he knew that until he gave your trust, he wouldn't be able to see his daughter. This was going to be a long day the rest of the year, Hotchner thought to himself as he got ready to speak again.

[moviebloggg]

What I noticed TSN rewatch🤪

Eduardo coming to Marks dorm looking concerned at TWO AM. “You and Erica split up” Why r u checking his blog at 2:08 am… - 12:33 and his CONCERN the whole time “it’s on ur blog :(, Are you alright :(, I’m here for you” like damn

Dustin’s adorable wave to Wardo :((( - 12:34 and DUSTIN LAUGHING AT THE “i’m here for you. no i need the algorithm” LMAOO - 12:43

Wardo waiting for him after the face mash meeting :( sitting down, headphones in, clearly been there for a while - 20:32

EDUARDOS DADDY ISSUESSSSS. “You have no idea what that’s gonna mean to my father” - 37:04 AND THEN MARK SAYING “Sure I do” LIKE HE KNOWS AND CARES TOO. Also, “My father won’t even look at me. (1:40:03) and there’s one more time i know he mentions it i just don’t know where😭

“have you slept yet?” (36:06) even after mark made him wait and in that tone like aw

BRO THE FREAKING BEER THING. stop aaron sorkin david fincher you fucking menaces how dare you put that there. (46:58)

Eduardo’s “oh my god…” at 51:29 when he realizes that they are in the stall next to them

THE LOOK AT 52:09. OMG KILL ME RN.

Eduardo’s sad and painful look at Mark after Sy brings up animal cruelty, like ‘really, you went that low?’ - 1:12:39

Marks tap on Sys shoulder saying ‘stop no don’t go there’ - 1:12:42

The parallel of how happy and jokey Mark is when in the dorm during the chicken scene with Wardo being put side by die with how hostile they are and how sad he looks in the deposition scenes. he never once smiles.

Marks sad look at Eduardo after being exposed - 1:14:39

Eduardo’s disbelief at Mark going so low as the chicken thing 1:14:41

Mark opening his mouth to protest against 1:14:43

the pain in Eduardo’s eyes after Mark makes a half joke that probably would used to make him laugh. also the look of betrayal and the eyes that say I don’t even know you anymore. 1:18:17

The disconnect between Mark and Sean. “Ever think about that girl?” “No???” 1:23:52

How so genuinely happy Mark looks when greeting Eduardo in Cali. The little grin. The surprising him. The wack on the arm. the ‘Wardo’. - 1:30:50

“I want- i-i want- I need you.” aaron. sorkin. what. the. fuck.

“I didn’t know whether to dress for the party or the business meeting, so i kinda dressed for both.” (1:41:51) Um aaron you did not have to go so deep with that one my god do you ever think of our feelings.

The piano coming in at 1:43:46 after the reveal is just so heartbreaking.

The PAINNNNN in his voice at “You set me up 😕” (1:43:51)

Throughout the whole confrontation scene, Mark looks like he’s going to cry. so so badly. especially at 1:44:50 like PAIN. And 1:45:27, “Yeah” - 1:45:50, and the REPEATING “You didn’t have to be that rough on him.” (1:46:00).

When he hit 1,000,000 people on HIS OWN WEBSITE he looks downright depressed. not happy in the slightest. he just hit this amazing milestone. should be like the happiest moment of his life. yet he looks like he wants to cry. I wonder why. 1:47:10-1:47:20

Marks outfit during the deposition w the Winklevi being a collared shit and sweater, outfit during the first deposition with Eduardo being a half zip up, and then wearing a FULL SUIT for the second one?? okay then

You don’t really realize it but I think it’s fitting that the last we see of Eduardo the whole movie is the confrontation. Like chronologically, he’s in it for way after, but with the actual editing and all the time skips, his last line is “Makes me look so tough” and thats the last we see him. pretty cool.

through the whole movie just THEIR FACIAL EXPRESSIONS DURING THE DEPOSITION. the SADNESS and REGRET constantly portrayed in mark. the PAIN AND BETRAYAL constant in Eduardo.

THE MOTHER FUCKING NORTH FACE ZIP-UP. WHAT THE HELL DAVID FINCHER. yeah this was genuinely insane tho. like that was unhinged. aaron sorkin, david fincher, AND WHOEVER THE BLESSED COSTUME DEISGNER WAS, reached new levels. we could’ve chalked everything up to gay people always looking for gay people in film, for exaggerating things that were only slightly there because of the need for more representation. but the north face zip up?? come on. I need to get me one of those now. the timeline makes so perfect sense too. We see Eduardo first wearing it when chilling in his dorm - 31:25. Then we next see him in it when at the intern “interviews” - 1:16:20. Then we don’t see if again for a little while, until MARK wears it during the business meeting - 1:33:52. This happens AFTER Eduardo visits Pao Alto. So he goes to Cali, presumably leaves the zip-up, (maybe even gives it??) and then ever since then Mark wears it in almost EVERY SINGLE scene. Because he misses Wardo. ITS INSANE. Like, the business meeting, then the phone call to Wardo. - 1:36:25. Then he wears it during the whole conformation, and is still wearing it later that night when Sean calls him. Like wow. That right there? Insanity. Purely CANONICAL gay insanity

and finally just some more character noticings. I really just love Divya omg. and the winklevii. like they r just so comedic at times. the first time i watched i viewed ty and cam as like one entity, but this time i really payed attention and like they r so different. cam usually takes the lead and he is very level minded and calm, while tyler is very hotheaded.

The first time andrew garfield just captivated me. i mean duh, he’s andrew garfield. but this time i just, wow. JESSE. he was perfect. PERFECT. best actor should’ve been his hands down. every single word he said was so calculated and made so much sense for his character like. and the real best part of his acting was his reactions, to everything that everyone else said. like he knocked it out of the park completely.

[d4rkshad0w]

just read the aftg extra content where it’s a Q/A and i got to the part where someone’s asking what if Neil or Andrew died : | i am broken like i will never recover from that like rn j don’t know what to do so i’m making a post because that was actually SO sad, and i hate it i want them both to be happy because they already lost almost everything, Neil has the Foxes but other than Aaron Andrew has no one except Neil so i can imagine how broken he would be if Neil died, he’s already joyless and it’s hurts just to think of the possibility of either one dying. they are soulmates and it would hurt so much to see the other dead

might edit this later cuz i have other stuff i might want to say

[song-tam]

like going into this. first book i HONESTLY expected a wattpad book that was. hmm. i think the sad flaw in a lot of wattpad books is that they have the main dynamic and then they have maybe a handful of friends who are painfully obviously Support Characters, but with the foxes it's so clear that it's not that, with andrew and neil it's so clear it's not just that, it's not focused on "hey look this relationship" it's everything. kevin and renee and matt and seth and dan and allison and fuckignfhfnhdfn nicky and aaron and the list goes on..... it's just like i am foaming at the mouth rn OUGHHFJHFHFHGHGHG this is just like when i went to watch princess agent expecting both betrayal and fluff and these specific two characters and then u got all of this- these interpersonal relationships you got to see so much of their lives play out you got to see one of the characters who had always been taught he was on his own to go, the wind does not move the mountain on its own (official english subtitle google translate translation: "i'm not alone. i'm not alone.")

LITERALLYYYYYY like neil develops relationships w all of them andrew is not the only reason he’s staying the reason he’s staying is because of his team the reason he fights so hard is to protect his team it drives me nuts i am like. i am not okay at all abt neil josten and the foxes also this is so funny but like he’s the youngest and it’s not really a huge thing but he’s babied sometimes like when allison does his makeup to cover up the bruises like the girls are his older sisters and matt is suchhhh an older brother and the kevin aaron nicky squad are lile. you can’t fit them into normal familial roles but they’re family and then like it’s whatever andrew and neil are to each other and i’m just soooooooooooo not okay

[dis-astre]

hi to the new people in the les mis fandom joining bc of joseph quinn, it is lovely to have u all with us and u are more than welcome, however u should know that bbc enjolras (and the whole bbc adaptation) is nowhere close to the original character and everything he represent.

while joseph quinn did a really good job at acting enjolras, the way the writers wrote his character was bad and out of character. obviously, and it's normal, an adaptation will always have its own interpretation of a character, and that's what's make fiction so great. but i think u need to be aware of the fact that it's not a good representation of what enjolras' character is and what his character has been representing for over 150 years (i could go into details and maybe will but it's late and i'm working early tomorrow).

i also wanted to say, as a reminder that, while it's completely fine to simp for enjolras (no one is immune to him, whether he's played by aaron tveit, joseph quinn or anyone else) and find him hot (because he IS hot or because he's played by joseph quinn, again, i get it; i don't find moustachjolras hot but damn that man is find irl), u need to be aware that enjolras is a queer character. it's stated multiple times that he has no interest in women, never has and never will. his character has been an important representation for the queer community, him being compared to a lot of gay historical figures (and i'm not going to start with the enjoltaire); but also for the aromantic and asexual community and trans community. his character is very likely to be aroace; and victor hugo describe him as being very androgynous looking, looking like a young woman. and while i don't want to talk on behalf of the trans community, i've seen a lot of post and fanfictions headcanoning him as trans, and i think it's very important to have that kind of representation in such an important piece of classical literature.

so please, be aware that the y/n fanfic and nswf y/n fanfic with female character x enjolras can be really disturbing, especially for people who have been in the fandom for a long time and are really looking up to his character and kinning him. don't just reduce him to hot-man-u-wanna-do-the-dirty-with when his character carries so much importance and has for decades. and i promise, caring about a character's whole essence and personality doesn't make them any less interesting or hot (quite the contrary actually).

also, let's not forget how we collectively hated on the casting choice when it first came out and i find it a bit odd to suddenly change our mind just bc it's the same actor who plays eddie munson. i personally think we were right to complain, bc it WAS a bad casting choice considering all the physical description of enjolras we had (and yes, in les mis, his physical appearance matters of lot).

we are not trying to gatekeep our fandom. on the contrary, i think it's really pretty fucking cool to have new people finding an interest in a 160yo book ! and for me, u guys are more than welcome to join our sad silly little fandom. but we just want u to be aware of all of this (and maybe some other issues that do not cross my mind rn) and be educated so we can all be drama free.

ok i'm done now, sorry for the long post, welcome again to the fandom, and if u decide to stay be ready for the tears and the pain caused by mr victor hugo ! bye bye, with love, a little french fan

[high-queen-of-exy]

Would love some general Andrew headcanons, also if you have headcanons about specifically the Twinyards-and-Nicky dynamic while the twins were in high school would love to hear those

I woke up to like 3 asks omg I was very, very happy

First of all, Andrew is a fun example or "looks like he could kill you, would rather eat ice cream, but definitely could if provoked" and I think it's very fun

even when he isn't at palmetto, like when he's living in different cities and traveling a lot for his pro games, he still calls Bee twice a week

sometimes with Aaron if they're having issues, which by then are rarer but still happen, cus siblings

the only other people he bothered to keep in touch with are Kevin and Renee

She bullied him into getting a tattoo of his own, its a dagger with thorny roses around it, all monochrome, on his forearm, he gets it after his senior year, its wonderful, Kevin told him it was great and Andrew almost smiled at him

on the topic of smiling, he doesn't often, but when he does, he has a crooked smile, and its mostly teeth, and Neil loves it

The twins and Nicky because YES (I'm pulling these outta my ass rn, but know that I adore this)

First and foremost, both of them pretended not to know Nicky at any point in time ever. Mainly because they're both edgelords and here is their nice and flamboyant cousin, and they didn't want it to damper the vibes (y'know, of hostility and trauma)

In all honesty, it was mostly Aaron. I keep to my idea that he was actually pretty well-liked in high school before he met Andrew. he was always pretty quiet, but he was smart, and he didn't put up with anyone's bullshit, he'd get into arguments often, but if you weren't a dick then neither was he.

He stopped talking almost entirely after his mom died, both because of all the complicated feelings that brought, and because Andrew said he couldn't have friends anymore

Andrew showed up and immediately scared the shit out of everyone, so really, Aaron would've probably lost most of his friends regardless of this

Nicky can't cook, and these boys lived off of takeout or whatever Aaron made out of their scarce groceries

also, Aaron is the only one who CAN cook

(Andrew bakes!!!)

Tilda taught him, mostly cus she didn't wanna do it

Tilda was a forbidden name

as was Luther, Aaron mentioned him only once before Nicky got so red in the face trying not to cry that it just... wasn't

Nicky would have several meltdowns aver raising them, though never in front of them. They knew though

He's also the reason, or the final shove at least, that made Andrew forcibly get Aaron clean. Andrew was sick of Nicky feeling guilty about it

Anyways, yeah, the Andrew, some Nicky, and Twinyards, enjoy because everything about their whole thing makes me sad

[ssahotstuff]

HOME//Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader PART 5

All previous parts can be found here

Summary: Emily Prentiss convinces Aaron Hotchner to get a nanny, and she knows the perfect girl for the job. You.

word count: 9.8k

Warnings for this series: SMUTTTT of all the types, minors DNI!! any minors that interact with my work with be blocked! my blog is 18+, violence, depictions of ab*se, terror, cursing, drug/alcohol content, death, crime, in-depth explanations of abuse, trauma, etc, mentions of scars from abuse, this part and the next are very triggering

ILY GUYS sorry im going through it heavy rn but didn’t want to leave yall hanging 

ALSO it only gets literally insane from here. buckle tf up please and thank u,i don’t want anyone hurt on the ride down

When I found her she was on the top floor, in front of the massive window on a giant fur rug she'd made herself at home on. She was drinking tequila directly from the bottle, patting the space in front of her for me to join her.

"You'll need this," she handed the bottle to me and I took it gratefully.

"I'm telling you this because I trust you. If you want to know so bad, you'll know. Just promise you'll still love me when I'm done talking."

I took a swig, grabbing her hand.

"Nothing you could tell me would make me stop loving you."

"Okay... Aaron, be patient with me. I've never said any of this out loud."

She took a deep breath, visibly shaking as she reached for the bottle, taking another large sip.

"My dad left before I was born. I still don't know where he is. My mom was okay, halfway at least, until I was 6 and my brother was born. No idea who his dad is. She had postpartum psychosis, but that was just the tip of the iceberg. She was on drugs, which didn't help, and she didn't want kids, which made having 2 children really tricky," she chuckled, voice cracking already, but she pushed through it. My beautiful, brave girl.

"Ben, the oldest, was 3 weeks old when she left us. She cried for days, and I knew something was wrong. So, I watched her make the bottles and change his diaper so I'd be prepared if it did. One night, I was asleep in the recliner and she woke me up and said that I'd done this to her, made her so sad. That's what she meant. So I had to help her by taking care of him. So I did. It wasn't until I got busted for shoplifting formula that my family got involved, but no one ever did anything. My mom is really manipulative, so she would just turn the tears on and they'd forgive her. She'd come home, beat me for being careless, and leave again."

She removed her shirt again, lifting her breasts to reveal a constellation of tiny spots, scars, I realized after a minute.

"Cigarette burns. Tears set her off. Made her have these meltdowns. She couldn't handle babies, or the crying. Tears were the most horrible sin, only unforgivable one," she whispered, pulling her shirt back down as quickly as she could.

"Baby," she moved closer, letting me hold onto her. "You never have to hide from me, pretty girl. Never."

"Emily tells everyone we met in school. That's not entirely true. She was my neighbor. She was the deciding factor in me staying alive some days. But my mom knew that Emily knew. So Emily taught me Morse code, so I could tap out 'SOS' on her window if I needed her. It's a habit I still haven't kicked. I'm surprised you didn't catch on to it immediately."

It was all starting to make sense.

"Emily got me out of there. I didn't come straight to Virginia, not at first. I went to school, but Emily got me into a program for minors that were in abusive households, and they emancipated me and I graduated high school at 17. Had a degree by 21, and another by 25. I did everything I could to make sure I never had to go back there."

"Two degrees?"

"I have a degree in criminal psychology," she admitted, earning a low laugh from me in return.

"My impressive girl didn't even want to tell me she was impressive."

"I wanted to be just like Emily. But once I finished, I realized it wasn't what I wanted to do, so I went back to school and now I'm writing."

"I hope you know you amaze me. Every single thing about you is astounding to me."

"Do you feel better now that you know?" She asked, face buried in my neck. She was still shaking slightly, but she seemed to be calming down some.

"I feel closer to you than I've ever felt. Thank you for telling me. I know it took a lot of courage and I want you to know that I'm proud of you." I promised her, knowing that she'd kept it a secret for so long that it was probably second nature to her to keep things in.

"I know I didn't tell you everything, but you know more than anyone else ever has."

"The fact that you told me anything at all means the world to me, sweetheart. I hope you know I will always keep you safe. I know you've spent your life being scared, but I don't want you to live like that anymore. Let me take care of you," I kissed her softly, hands on her hips, her body in my lap.

"I have a secret to tell you," she said between kisses, tongue lazily tracing my lips as we sat on the rug together.

"Tell me, baby. You can tell me anything any time you want."

"The real reason I didn't do relationships before was that I was afraid for anyone to see me. I had never been completely exposed to anyone. You were the first and the last. I won't give myself to anyone like this after you. The things we've done together... I was terrified, Aaron. Petrified for anyone to see me. I never felt that with you. There was never a minute of hesitation when it came to you."

My dick twitched involuntarily at the thought of being the only person in her entire life to have her, and she noticed because she shifted herself on top of me so she could straddle me. My length was still covered but nestled in the heat of her thighs.

"What is it, baby? Do you love the idea of being the only person to ever touch me?" She teased in my ear, mouth nuzzling lightly at my jaw. She was driving me mad

"I don't want anyone else to ever have you the way I have," I growled, grinding her against my hips to find any sort of relief.

"I don't want anyone else, only you," she promised, fingers lifting my shirt over my head, trailing so delicately over my skin that I felt goosebumps rising all over me. Between the tequila, the thrill of our first Christmas together, mixed along with everything else, the surge of emotional connection I felt towards Y/N was like electricity. I wanted to memorize every second of my life with her from here forward.

"I never thought I'd tell anyone I loved them ever again. I'm glad you proved me wrong," I muttered against her chest before wrapping my tongue around her nipple, causing her to push her chest forward and further into my face. I worked with my free hand on her other breast, massaging it gently as she moaned softly, eyes glued to my mouth.

"I love every part of you, even when you weren't so sure about things," she panted, and I watched with wide eyes as she slipped her hands past the waistband of her shorts, rubbing furiously at her clit while I sucked on her chest.

"Oh baby, are you desperate to cum?" I questioned, laying her down on the rug so I could shed her shorts. She never removed her hand, she just nodded, whimpering slightly as I stripped her down.

"Want you so bad, Aaron. Feel," she guided my fingers to her center, inhaling sharply when I slid them through her folds, collecting every drop of her juices I could get my hands on. I sucked her off my fingers without a second thought, not bothering to reply as I let my tongue find her clit. She screamed into her hand, hips bucking to meet my mouth.

"No one around for miles, pretty girl. Make all the noise you want," I half begged her, desperate to hear her scream while I was between her thighs. Spreading her open, I took my time licking from her lips to her center, using my fingers to expose her clit completely.

"Let me know if this is too much," I told her before I wrapped my lips around her, sucking lightly at first, earning a series of beautiful whimpers from her.

"More please," she pleaded, replacing my fingers with her own. I understood what she meant, sliding two fingers inside of her, curling them into her. I kissed her clit lightly, remembering how crazy it made her the last time I did it. I didn't expect her to clench around my fingers immediately, soaking them as she screamed my name.

"Yes baby, so good," normally I would have given her a break, but it was Christmas, and the liquor coursing through my veins wanted me to get intoxicated on her taste. I continued kissing her pussy, letting her wrap her legs around my neck as I got lost in her. I don't know how long she just let me lay there, but neither of us was complaining. She was too busy soaking the rug to care about the time, and frankly, I would have spent the entire duration of our getaway right there with my tongue inside of her if she would have let me.

"Not tired yet?" She questioned, hands holding my face firmly between her legs. I shook my head, taking a break only long enough to ask her to sit on my face. She agreed immediately, situating herself above me, hovering above me long enough for me to get the best view of her. She was glistening, pussy pink and swollen, dripping down her thighs.

"Do you have any idea how much it means to me that you let me touch you like this?" I asked, kissing her thighs, her ass, my lips had no particular destination in mind, they just wanted to be attached to her.

"I trust you completely. I want to try everything with you," she breathed, watching me closely as I pulled her down to sit halfway on my chest, halfway on her legs.

"You aren't going to hurt me, baby. Sit down on my face, please," she finally sat her face on my mouth, causing me to moan into her. Her head was thrown back as she finally quit being shy, using her hands to guide my mouth where she wanted it, grinding against my tongue as sweat dripped from her brow and her cum dripped onto my chin and my chest. I wanted to wear her around my neck just like this, like a trophy.

"Pretty girl," I mumbled, mostly to myself, but it earned a soft smile from her in response before she turned around abruptly, switching positions quicker than I could keep up, all so she could put my cock in her throat.

"Fuck, Angel," I hissed, meeting her mouth with my hips as I thrust into her, the little moan she made causing me to shudder beneath her. Our tongues worked mercilessly on each other, our filthy cries of pleasure echoing throughout the cabin like a pornographic movie. The fact that she'd never done this with anyone else only fueled my desire to do it more, and then some. I'd spend the entire weekend giving her firsts, and maybe getting a few of my own in the process. I was sure we'd probably have sex while we were here, but I never expected to experience something so purely passionate with her. That was the best thing about her, just when you thought things couldn't be better, she had a way of surprising you, giving you more than you ever thought possible.

That's all I could think about as she gagged around me, my cock so far in her throat I wondered how she was breathing. She gave every bit of herself, body, mind, and soul, every single time she did anything. It was admirable to the point that it was almost eerie. It gave her a saint-like persona that anyone else would think was fake, but I knew better. She was an Angel walking here on earth, and I'd been lucky enough to get to experience her. Selfishly, I wanted to keep her here forever so I never had to share her with the world again, but I knew that wasn't practical. So I'd settle for making her a permanent part of my life, no matter what the cost.

"Gonna marry you," I managed to choke out, head resting against her thigh as I watched her, tits bouncing against my chest as my dick bobbed in and out of her mouth. She moaned harshly, causing her throat to tighten around me.

"Oh, fuck, baby," I could barely hold my eyes open as she worked her hand at the base of my cock, her mouth wrapped around the rest, working in perfect rhythm together. I was starstruck, I couldn't even raise my hips to thrust into her mouth anymore. I just let her choke on my cock, thick streams of cum sputtering into her mouth as she hollowed her cheeks around me.

I took advantage of the current position she was in, pussy still in my face, ass in the air, her knees spreading above me so she could completely open herself up above me.

"I'm not done," I told her, burying my tongue inside of her, feeling the heat of her core on the entirety of my face.

"Aaron, oh my god," I felt her body stiffen above me, and a second later I felt the sweet rush of her orgasm on my tongue. It was taking hardly any effort at all to make her cum at this point, and it was addictive. Every time I tasted her cum on my tongue, I wanted more.

"You tired?" I questioned, not waiting to hear her reply, I was already tucked away between her lips, clit on my tongue.

"Not in the slightest," she giggled, and in return it made me smile. So pure. So sweet.

"Cum one more time and we can take a break. Get a snack and move to the bed," I told her, kissing her clit lightly, knowing that's all it would take to make her come undone.

"Don't stop," she pleaded, and I shook my head, kissing over and over until her thighs shook and my face was drenched.

"You know better. I'd never stop knowing you were so close," I whispered, kissing her thigh before letting her crawl off of me. She kissed me hard; if I would've been standing, my knees would have gone weak.

"I love you, Aaron." It was like music to my ears.

"I love you," I kissed her temple, helping to get her dressed before I worried about my own clothes.

"I meant what I said, about marrying you," I mentioned, watching her curiously as I pulled my own shirt over my head.

"I never thought I'd be anyone's wife. Are you sure you want that?" She sounded almost worried as she doubted herself. I grabbed her wrists, holding them firmly in one hand and tilting her face to look at me with the other.

"Would I have said it if I wasn't sure? You don't realize how precious you are, sweetheart. I don't ever want to have to give you up," I kissed her, releasing her hands so she could jump into my arms. I loved that she would do this, let me carry her around in my arms. I craved being able to make her feel secure in any way I could. I wondered how I let myself go so long denying my feelings for her. It wasn't fair to either of us, but especially not to her. I'd spend the rest of my life trying to make up for those weeks of doubt.

"I just don't want you to regret it," she mumbled, sitting on the counter long enough for me to find the two of us a snack. I held up a tub of vanilla ice cream, receiving a thumbs up in response, so I grabbed a spoon, grabbed my girl, and carried her up the stairs.

"I'd never regret anything I did with you, and I mean that," we flipped on the television, snacking on ice cream and talking about the future.

"I think marrying you sounds like a great way to spend the rest of my life," she said, resting her hand on my thigh. I admired the way the ring Jack and I had gotten her looked on her hand, and fantasized about things I never thought I'd think about again. Marriage, a change in career, or a transfer at least.

A baby.

Wait, what?

I hadn't thought about being a father until we already knew Jack was going to be here. The idea of planning a pregnancy, watching Y/N glow, Jack becoming a big brother...

"Baby, your phones ringing," she interrupted my thoughts, my heart sinking at the thought of my phone ringing so late. I wandered to the hall, finding it near the rug from earlier, realizing it was Dave.

"Hotchner."

"You're gonna hate me for what I'm about to say," he started, and I rolled my eyes, knowing it couldn't be good.

"On Christmas? Really?"

"No. On January 2nd. Leading some sort of task force overseas. You were requested specifically by Strauss."

"Of course I was."

"She'll be fine. She knows it's part of the job," Rossi said coolly, and I sighed, knowing that she'd be more than understanding. That's what made it so difficult.

"I'll talk to her. Does this mean my vacation can continue as planned?"

"Hey, no more interruptions from me. Have fun. And I'm sorry. That sort of distance is rough."

"It'll be dealt with. Thank you, Dave."

She knew something was off immediately, climbing into my lap to comfort me. I gripped her tightly, knowing months away from her overseas would drive us both insane. It was, unfortunately, part of my job, but Jack and Y/N made me question my loyalty to the BAU with every passing day.

"Are we leaving?" She questioned, and I shook my head, sighing as I explained to her what Dave had just told me.

"I understand," she said almost immediately, causing me to pull her into me, my hands in her hair.

"I knew you would baby, but you shouldn't have to. This is no way for me to ask you to live," I told her, and I meant it. I was going to have to either give up my position or give up my time with my son and my relationship, and neither was going to be easy, but they needed me more.

"I don't think you understand that I mean it when I say I'll support you no matter what," her voice was so soft, I knew it would be easy to leave and come back and she'd love me as nothing had changed. She'd be waiting on me at the door every single time. But eventually, it would wear her down. She'd probably never tell me if it did, but that wasn't a risk I was willing to take.

"I know you would, and I love you for that. But Jack deserves a father that's around for things regularly. And you deserve consistency from me. Earlier, we were talking about marriage and it was the weirdest thing..."

She perked up, eyes on me.

"I was just thinking about how I want to give you everything, and I couldn't help but imagine us and Jack and maybe a baby? Is that's something you'd be interested in? We should talk about that, it's important," I encouraged, and she nodded, settling into my side.

"I've never thought about it before, but I've definitely been considering it lately."

"Define lately."

"Since earlier, when you said I was motherly without trying to be. It made me think about what kind of mother I'd be, but I already have a pretty good idea, I think."

"You spend every second of the day with Jack. You do everything a mother does and you choose to do it. That's very admirable."

"I love him like he's my own, that's for sure. I've never loved anyone the way I love Jack," her voice was different when she talked about Jack. It was pure love, projected into words. It made me almost breathless.

"You went from a stranger to someone I want to share my life with within a matter of a few months. You shook our entire world, baby. I hope one day you can see how special we both think you are."

She was almost asleep, arm around my waist, breathing deeper with every passing moment.

"I love you, Aaron," she whispered, barely audible above the noise of the tv.

"I love you, Angel. Get some sleep."

✨✨✨✨

Things had been interesting for you since Aaron had gone overseas. You were actually communicating with him actively, him texting you every spare moment he got. He'd been extremely clingy, and you were enjoying every second of it. You couldn't get enough of him, and you weren't sure if you'd ever be fully satisfied ever again if you didn't have him. He was showing you what love was like for the first time, and you wondered how it could get any better.

But he continued surprising you.

About 6 weeks into his assignment, he asked if you were awake around 5 am. You were, every morning on the dot so you could get Jack ready for school. He was calling you, so you retreated to his room, flopping onto the bed as you answered.

"Hi baby," you breathed, excited to hear his voice.

"Hi, angel. Miss me?"

"More than ever. I'm glad you called," you told him, hearing him chuckle lowly in response.

"I miss you both so much. I can't stop thinking about you. I'm on my way to get some sleep but I wanted to talk to you on the drive."

"I'm glad to hear you're making time to sleep," you said honestly. He had been so tired when you first moved in, you often wondered how he functioned.

"Have you thought about what we talked about?"

"I have. I've been sure, I just wanted to wait for you baby," you assured him, hopeful for your future with him. Before he'd left, he'd given you a job: house hunting. If you wanted, of course. And you did. You wanted a home with him, and everything that had to offer.

He'd also said if you wanted to quit your birth control, that would be fine too.

You quit taking it the day after Christmas, and your body was suffering the consequences. You'd been moody, irritable, and so hungry.

"I've been so grumpy, I didn't realize how bad it could mess me up," you told him, fishing through your closet for something to wear for the day. Once you'd come home from the cabin, you moved into Aaron's room. It was his idea, even though yours was bigger. He wanted to share a room, and this is where you'd settled.

"I'm having a hard time concentrating over here because all I can think about is coming home and putting a baby in you," he admitted, voice an octave lower.

"Plenty of time for baby-making when you're back, do what you have to do and get home to us," you said, knowing that his stay overseas wasn't even halfway over.

"I'm requesting a transfer when I get back. Something more stationary. I want to be home every night."

"We both know you won't be happy with that," you told him, earning a sigh in response.

"It doesn't matter. I won't be happy if I don't ever get to see Jack or you," he countered, and you knew this was a conversation that no one could win.

"We can talk about this when you get home, just think about it okay? I want you to be happy at your job. Let me take care of things here, just worry about getting you back home safe."

"I love you. I'll text you after I've slept. Tell Jack I love him please."

You promised you would, getting off the phone and going about your normal routine. You'd have coffee, make Jack something to eat, and wake him up in time to have breakfast with you. It was your routine every single morning, and you loved every minute of it.

After you had him dropped at school for the day, you usually went grocery shopping for something for dinner, but you had different plans today. You were house hunting, scouting houses in Jack's school district so he wouldn't have to switch schools. You'd found a few potentials, jotting down the information and making a mental note to find the listing online so you could show Aaron. You were in love with one, in particular, an older home still in the district but away from the suburbs. It had a giant yard, and a reasonable price tag considering the location was excellent. You put it at the top of your list and took a break for coffee.

On a normal day, you'd go through the drive-through, but you had all day to spare, so laptop in tow, you headed inside, ordering the usual and finding a place to get comfortable.

"Y/N?"

You looked up from the screen, a mixture of horror and fear coursing through you as you realized the voice belonged to Lea, your previous roommate. You'd dipped out on her months ago, cutting all contact after your move to Aaron's. She'd tried to text and call, but you weren't interested in answering.

"Oh, hi Lea," you said shyly, terrified of what she might say. She took the seat across from you, her red hair dull in the harsh lighting, making her appear more menacing than usual.

"You've been ignoring my calls and my texts. What's your deal?"

You sat down your coffee, annoyed by the way she'd just intruded on your space.

"I have a life, one I couldn't have living with you, so just leave Lea. I'm trying to work," you spat, hoping you could get her to just walk away without causing a scene.

"How is your little boyfriend doing?"

You eyed her curiously, wondering how she knew anything about him. You hadn't talked to her or told her anything.

"Not sure what you're talking about," you bluffed, typing away at your computer like she wasn't even sitting there.

"Cut the crap. I saw you buying a shiny new watch a few weeks ago. Aaron Ellis...Hotchner, was it?"

"Are you following me?"

"Oh, don't be so vain, everyone Christmas shops."

"Whatever. Who I buy things for is none of your concern," you told her, texting Emily from beneath the table to see if she was around. She wasn't, and neither was anyone else you texted, except for Derek Morgan, who assured you he was on his way as quick as possible.

"Scared I'm gonna hurt ya?" She teased, leg kicking yours beneath the table.

"Cut the shit, Lea. Back the fuck up. You're in my space and I don't have to deal with your shit," you normally didn't curse, but you were seeing red. She was one person who knew how to push your buttons.

"I don't think putting your hands on the fiancée of a federal agent is a very good idea," Morgan said calmly, his arms crossed over his chest. You hadn't even noticed him come in.

"A federal agent, huh? Fancy," Lea continued, statue-still in the seat across from you.

"Let's go mama," Derek told you, grabbing your laptop and asking the barista to make you a coffee to go.

"This isn't over, not until I find out what makes Aaron Hotchner so special," she glared at you, gathering her things and heading for the door before Derek could even hand your fresh cup of coffee to you.

"That girl is obsessed with you," Derek said, walking you out of the cafe and to your car.

"I haven't seen her since I moved in with Aaron, but apparently she's seen me. I think I'm going to go get Jack from school," you muttered to yourself, searching for your phone so you could text Aaron and make sure it was okay. Jack never missed school, so Aaron would immediately know something was going on.

"You don't think she'd do anything to hurt you, do you? Hotch would kill me if I let you leave here like this," he already had his phone out, calling Rossi to see what he should do. Aaron was calling you within minutes of Derek hanging up the phone.

"Listen to me," his voice was serious, calm, but terrifying. You were definitely listening.

"Derek's going to take you to get Jack. Go to my office, you have the key. Toss your phone as soon as we hang up. From now until I get back, you don't go anywhere alone, baby. JJ is at the house with a team, packing a bag."

"I don't think it's that serious, I just got freaked out."

"Derek does think it's that serious, and that's enough for me."

"Okay. I'm sorry, Aaron, I'm so sorry."

You didn't want to cry, but you couldn't help it. You were terrified and he was a literal ocean away from you. You were scared, but more than anything, you wanted him with you, and that was impossible.

"Don't apologize. I'm sorry. I should be there."

"You work, we'll figure this out," you assured him, giving Derek the honors of smashing your phone against the pavement.

The entire ride to Jack's school, your heart pounded. You prayed that she wouldn't do anything to hurt a child, but you didn't really know anything about Lea other than the fact that she thought you belonged to her because you were roommates. You finally calmed down for a little bit once you had him safely in the backseat, but it was short-lived after Derek received a disturbing call from JJ.

"Morgan. You're not serious? I... I gotta tell her, JJ. She's right next to me. Call Hotch. We're headed back now."

He ended the call, turning the radio up. You were only a few short minutes from the FBI academy where Aaron's office was located, so you rode in silence, knowing whatever he had to say could wait until Jack wasn't listening. The two of you followed him inside, and you didn't dare to speak until Aaron's office was unlocked and Jack was tucked safely inside, stepping into the hall to join Derek, Spencer, and Rossi.

"JJ just called, the whole house is bugged. Dust on the cameras and mics, so probably has been since she moved in," Derek said, and your first instinct was to turn sharply to make sure Jack was still behind the door where you left him. You were sick at the thought of someone, not just someone, Lea, spying on you, Aaron and Jack.

"It still isn't enough for a warrant. All Lea did was threaten her, we can't know anything for sure," Rossi said, and you nodded, feeling the blood rush to your head all at once. You were going to pass out, or be sick, maybe both. Just before you hit the floor, Derek grabbed you, leading you into Aaron's office so you could sit on his couch.

"He should be here, Derek," you whispered, head in your sleeve as you tried your hardest to calm down. Jack needed you to be strong and with Aaron so far away, it was your responsibility to make sure Jack stayed safe. You patted the space next to you, urging Jack to come and sit with you. He came gladly from his spot on the floor, library book in tow as he sat next to you.

"I know. But we're going to keep you safe until we figure out what's going on," Derek promised, setting the laptop up on a secure network so we could still watch Netflix, and not be bored out of our minds. A few episodes into a show Jack was watching and you were both asleep, curled up together on the couch.

✨✨✨

Aaron's POV

The amount of convincing it took for me to get Strauss to let me come home early basically sealed the deal on my transfer. She was going to make my life hell if I continued to work beneath her, and despite the respect I had for her and her position, she had a way of making my life harder than it had to be. I didn't really care where I ended up at this point, all I could focus on was getting home to Jack and Y/N.

It was bad, and the entire flight home, I knew it was only going to get worse. Y/N knew the house was bugged, but she didn't know about the cars being bugged, and Lea's criminal stalking record going back a mile long. Rossi and Spencer were working to find anything we could use to get a warrant, and in 6 long hours, I'd be landing in Virginia, ready to sort this mess out. I managed to get some sleep until we landed, feeling a lot better now that I had a fresh set of eyes. I'd be back in Quantico within the hour, and I didn't think Y/N even knew I was coming back yet, so I'd get to surprise them.

Keeping them safe was my number one priority. The entire situation gave me a bad feeling in my stomach; it was all too familiar. I prayed things didn't get out of hand to the point that I had to send her and Jack away from me. I was a nervous wreck, relieved to see Spencer waiting on me at the gate so he could deliver me to my office.

"Any news?"

"Jj has been keeping an eye on the apartment they shared but she hasn't been back. No motel check-ins under her driver's license, no plane tickets. Garcia is trying to find her now," he told me, making the drive short and sweet. Rossi put his finger to his lips as I walked past, shushing me before I could open the door. I crept inside, Jack asleep at Y/N's side, her arm pulling him in tight to her. She was awake as soon as I'd shut the door, eyes still bleary from sleep.

"You're home," she whispered, staying put so she didn't wake Jack. I kissed her softly, glad to finally be back on the same continent as her.

"I am, and after this, I won't be leaving anymore. We're gonna figure this out, and I'm walking away."

"Aaron," she warned, hand on my cheek as I sat on the edge of the couch next to her.

"I'm done having to leave my family and worry about them constantly. I've said it before, this is no way for you two to live. There's nothing you can say that will change my mind."

"If you're sure."

"I am. I'll grab you both something to eat, I'm gonna figure this out so we can go home."

I locked the door behind me, knowing she and I were the only ones with a key and made my way to the bullpen to see what the team had come up with so far.

"Lea Radcliffe, 29 years old. Degree in criminal studies, early criminal record. Shoplifting at 11, along with petty theft until her early twenties, that's when the stalking starts. Two restraining orders from two different women, all within 2 years," JJ explained, and you noticed no similarities in the two women before and Y/N now.

"Did the other two women live with Lea also?" Spencer asked, and JJ shook her head.

"Case notes say the first woman Lea met at school, and the second worked at a bar near campus," JJ said.

"So the university and the surrounding area is where Lea is meeting these women she's stalking. Does Y/N have a criminal justice background also? The first victim, Sara Thomas, was pre-law, and the second, Darla Louis was a police academy dropout. Lea has a type," Rossi observed, and I nodded.

"She has a criminal psychology degree."

"So that's the common factor. Easy enough to make a friend if you have similar school schedules and interests," JJ stated, looking over the corkboard for anything we might have missed.

"News, friends," Garcia announced, bouncing in with two different stacks of folders.

"Our girl Lea bought the cameras at a pawn shop the day she got back from Ohio and realized Y/N was gone. We also have her on Hotch's neighbor's security camera breaking in one night back in October. Is that enough for a warrant?" She asked, and we all nodded in agreement, gearing up to see what we could find in Lea's apartment that might tell us where she is while JJ got a judge on the phone.

"Garcia, keep digging on Lea, see if you can find any family nearby that could give us some insight on where she might be. Morgan and I will check the apartment, if there's something there that may lead us to Lea, we'll find it."

"There's something else, sir. Every month on the 15th, someone from Y/N's hometown wires 500 dollars into Lea's account. It's weird because Lea is from here. Y/N isn't."

"There's no way to trace the wire transfer?"

"No, sir, but if they stick to a schedule, whoever it is will be sending the money tonight."

"Good work, Garcia, see if you can find where she withdraws the money, her bank account statements for a withdrawal location, atm cameras, anything that'll give us a clue where she'll be tonight."

"Got it."

"Morgan, let's go. I'll check in on them before we leave." Before I could get far, Rossi was at my side.

"I'm going to stay behind, help Garcia. Keep my eye on them."

"You can help Reid with the geographic profile and find Emily while you're here," I suggested, knowing he would make sure Jack and Y/N stayed safe.

Emily hadn't been answering her cell, which worried me, but I had bigger problems to handle currently. Emily would be found.

When I peeked in this time, they were awake, watching tv on her laptop. Jack ran into my arms, hugging me tightly. Y/N joined him shortly after, her eyes rimmed red.

"I'm gonna grab some cash so I can get you guys to a hotel for the night," I told her, promising I'd be back after checking out Lea's place. I asked Reid to take them something to eat before I left, a tiny bit relieved that I could be home to figure this out myself.

"So who's the hometown fund?" Derek asked once we were alone in the car.

"Educated guess? Her mother."

"She not get along with her family?"

I shook my head, offering no further explanation. I prayed her past could stay a secret throughout this ordeal because she'd be devastated for everyone close to her to find out about her skeletons.

"There's someone snooping outside," he told me, gun up, telling whoever it was to get their hands on the ground. It was a young guy, no more than 18 if I had to guess.

"Don't shoot! Please! I'm not even sure I'm in the right place," he pleaded, voice with a similar tone to it.

I paused in my tracks. Surely it wasn't...

"I'm just looking for my sister," he told Derek, who still hadn't put the pieces together.

"Derek, let him up. That's Y/N's little brother."

"Wait, is she in trouble? Are you guys cops?"

Derek helped him to his feet and the resemblance made my blood run cold. They had strikingly similar features, his were just more sharp and masculine as opposed to her soft features.

Derek and I flashed him our credentials, explaining the situation as best we could without giving him too much information.

"Ironic that you're just now looking for her after all this has started," Derek mentioned, and he hung his head.

"I didn't exactly get to choose when our brother died, but she deserves to know, and she deserved to find out in person. Lea was the only one who knew where she was. I talked to Lea yesterday, she told me Y/N was still living here."

"How often do you talk to Lea?"

"I don't. She got ahold of me, told me Y/N wasn't handling the news well. I wasn't sure how she knew, considering I hadn't told anyone yet, so I got suspicious. It only happened two days ago," he told us.

"Sounds like our stalker has graduated to murder." Derek huffed, on the phone to tell the others the news.

"What does he mean, stalker? Is my sister okay?" He asked again, and I pulled him to the porch and away from Derek so I could talk to him privately.

"Your sister is okay. She's safe. But Lea is dangerous, and if you know where she is, your sister's life could depend on it."

"She mentioned she'd be out of town and we could join her if we felt like it. I have the address here," he showed me his phone, showing the address for somewhere I'd definitely been before because it was Rossi's cabin.

"Send Reid and Rossi," I told Morgan, finally asking Y/N's brother for his name.

"Thomas Bennett Y/L/N. I go by Ben though."

"When was the last time you saw your sister?"

He shrugged, head down as he tried to remember.

"A year and a half ago, right after I turned 18. She brought some money and said she was moving. Took us to our grandma's and that was the last time we saw her. She couldn't stop crying. She just said that she was sorry over and over. But she didn't do anything wrong. We know she had to have a life too," he told me, and my heart broke for both of them.

And now he was here to tell her their brother was dead.

"What happened to your brother?" I questioned, and he shrugged again.

"He left for school and we found him an hour later in the creek bed. They said he fell in and hit his head on a rock."

"We gotta go, Hotch. Lea's car was spotted two minutes ago gassing up and heading towards Rossi's place." Morgan announced, and I was dragging Ben along with us, instructing him to put his head down and stay down.

Sure enough, in plain sight, we found her at the gas station, Rossi already putting her into the back of a patrol car. It seemed almost too easy, especially considering she'd been silent for months, and now all of a sudden was coming around. After finding the cameras in the house and car, I was more ready to move than ever. I wasn't sure I'd ever feel safe leaving them in that house again.

I let Rossi and Reid handle the questioning while we took Ben to see his sister.

I was mentally preparing for what was to come. She raised these children like her own, took care of them. I feared she'd take this loss just like a mother would losing her own child.

"I think you should be the one to tell her. She doesn't want to see me," Ben told me, and I shook my head.

"That isn't true. She just knows that your mother knows your every move, and she's trying to keep herself safe."

He followed me to my office, where I went in to get Jack so I could give the two of them some privacy.

"Lea's with local PD for questioning. Rossi and Reid are there," I told her, realizing Jack was asleep in her arms yet again. I scooped him up, moving him to the opposite end of the couch.

"Baby," I said softly, pulling her up and into my arms. I just wanted to hold her and shelter her from every bad thing happening.

"What's wrong, Aaron?" She saw straight through me, eyes wide with fear.

"Ben's here. We found him looking for you outside of Lea's."

She just stared at me.

"He's here, right now?"

I nodded, leading her to the hall to see him. It was hard to judge her reaction at first, but the overwhelming relief that washed over her face was obvious as she pulled him in for a hug.

"I told you not to come looking for me," she cried, her embrace only tightening further when she felt his body heave with a heavy sob. It was heartbreaking to watch.

"I had to. Beau is dead, Y/N." He whispered, barely audible over the noise of the office, and all I could do was stand idle as the bomb dropped.

✨✨✨

You know how when you go from normal temperatures to extreme cold, and the way it sucks the air completely from your lungs? That's how you felt, the air being drained from your body as you fully absorbed what Ben was saying.

The sweet boy you  taught to read, write...taught everything he knew, he was gone.

You kept thinking, this has got to be as close to death as you can get without dying.

This has got to be a fucked up fever dream. Maybe you're still asleep on the couch with Jack. Maybe, just maybe, this isn't real.

But Aaron's arms pulling you into Rossi's office before you could crumble into the floor was the only reminder you needed that this was indeed real life.

Beau was gone, and you didn't even know what his face looked like as a 17-year-old boy. He'd been 15 when you last saw him, stuck in between phases of his body as he became a man.

Now he'd never be a man. He'd be perpetually 17, reduced to a wooden box before he even had a chance to experience living.

You couldn't breathe, your chest was on fire, and you were keenly aware of Ben and Aaron talking around you, but it was muffled as your ears rung continuously. How could they be talking right now? How could the world still be turning when you hurt like this? You were suddenly furious with the world's inability to stop moving, surely if everything was just quiet and still for a moment, you could gather yourself enough to make sense of things.

But this would never make sense to you, no matter what you did to silence the world. How long had you been gasping for air, struggling to focus your eyes on anything but the floor? Even that was blurry as your eyes stung with tears that didn't seem to have an end.

Aaron was in front of you, begging you to breathe. You didn't realize you weren't. You tried to slow the rapid thump of your heart, but it quite literally felt like it was breaking inside of your chest. You never knew loving and raising someone could hurt so much.

"Baby?" You tried to meet his gaze and failed, only catching a glimpse of him here and there through your tear-coated lashes.

"I'm okay," you don't know how you formed the words, but you were breathing, and that was a plus.

"I have a room at The Claremont, I'm not leaving until tomorrow. Make sure she finds me before then," Ben told Aaron, typing his number into Aaron's phone.

"Y/N? I love you," Ben said softly, and you gripped his arm in response. You loved him more than any words you could have said at that point.

"I love you." You choked anyway, terrified that something would happen between now and tomorrow, and you'd regret not actually saying it out loud.

Aaron was checking on Jack, leaving you alone in Rossi's office. You didn't realize she was even in the office today until she was at your side.

"I'm so sorry," Emily whispered against your hair, wrapping you in a tight hug. You were thankful for the contact in Aaron's absence, but honestly, you wanted to disappear into the floor. You weren't sure when and if you'd recover.

"Hotch is taking you and Jack to a hotel up the street for the night. Just... take it easy. Let him help you," she encouraged, and you nodded, only half-listening.

"Okay."

"Can you walk with me?"

You nodded, following Emily to Aaron's car, letting her help you into the passenger's seat. Jack was nestled in the back, sitting quietly. He had been quiet most of the day, and you assumed it was just because he was tired.

"Y/N?" He squeaked, causing you to turn and look at him from your spot in the front.

"Yes, buddy?"

"I love you."

There was nothing quite like the love of a child, especially one that you had no part in creating.

"I love you, sweet boy."

And that was it. He continued sitting patiently as his dad drove us down the street, not even realizing that he and his dad were the greatest things to happen to you in your life. You made a mental note to hold him a little tighter at bedtime, and every other time that he'd let you.

"I'm gonna check us in, I'll be back for you in a second," Aaron told you, leaving the engine running as he ran inside the hotel.

"Can I come to sit with you?" Jack was already unbuckling his seatbelt, something his father strongly disliked him doing, but you couldn't respond quick enough, he was already crossing the armrest and climbing into your lap. He laid his head on your shoulder, your cheek against the smooth skin of his forehead.

"I like it when you hold me. It reminds me of my mommy," he whispered, and you kissed his head softly.

"I know your mommy was the best mommy, but I hope you know I'll always be here for you, just like a mom would," you promised him and he looked up at you with those big, beautiful Hotchner eyes.

" My mommy would like that," he whispered, and you knew in your heart that Haley definitely would like that.

Aaron was joining you after a few more minutes, shooting you a loving look before grabbing Jack from you so he could carry him inside. He led you to a side entrance, the three of you taking a service elevator to the 4th floor. Once you were in the room, you realized it had a kitchenette and a living room.

"This may be home for a while," he said, settling Jack in the smaller room with the television. You quickly found the bag JJ had packed for him with your stuff, finding pajamas and his favorite Chewbacca stuffed animal. You'd asked Derek to make sure JJ grabbed it when she packed up. You took them to the room he was in, earning a hug from him in response. You left him to change, joining Aaron on the sofa.

"Thank you. For coming home." You told him, his arms wrapping around you from behind as you leaned into him.

"I would have come sooner, but Strauss gave me hell. I'm sorry I had to leave in the first place."

"You don't have to apologize to me for doing your job," you reminded him.

"I will apologize for not being here during something scary. Lea has been watching us for a long time. That's unsettling enough, not to mention everything else. I can't even imagine what you're feeling right now, and I hate the fact that I'd still be overseas right now if not for Lea getting involved. You'd be dealing with this alone, and I never want that for you."

You leaned back to kiss him, unsure of what to say. Part of you would never forgive yourself if he left his job. He loved his work. He was a hero, to Jack, to you. To everyone. You hated the thought of that being taken from him.

"I don't want you to regret leaving the BAU, and I especially don't want you to resent me for it," you confessed, causing him to sit up abruptly.

"This is my decision to make. I'm stepping down as Unit Chief, and that's all there is to it. I'll teach a profiling course at the academy, or work from the office. I can't keep missing my son's life. And I can't start a life with you if I'm not around. I'd never resent you for a decision that I'm making alone."

He seemed angry, and that's the last thing you wanted.

"I'm sorry. I just don't want you unhappy," you explained, and he sighed, running his hands through his hair before loosening his tie and unbuttoning his shirt, removing it.

"Then let me do this. I've missed enough."

You had told him you'd always support him in his career. You weren't about to stop now, especially if it meant having him around more. You just prayed he didn't regret it.

"I can't believe Beau is gone."

You didn't have any more tears to cry, so you opted to check on Jack, who was watching tv peacefully, oblivious to the horrors around him. You planned to keep it that way. He wanted you to see the show he was watching, something about a boy with superpowers. You had sat down on the bed when you heard the shower running, so you left Aaron alone, climbing into the bed with Jack to watch television.

"My daddy told me he loves you," he said randomly, eyes still trained on the tv.

"I love you both," you said simply, knowing Aaron had told him when we came home from the cabin that you were going to be together. He hadn't minded at all, if anything, he took it as an invitation to get closer to you. You loved every second of it, especially at times like this. He was a massive comfort, and you were always grateful to spend time with him. He was a human heater, just like his dad, causing you to get too cozy every time you cuddled up to him because you were asleep in no time.

✨✨✨

Aaron's POV

I came out of the shower and found them asleep for the third time all day. Jack knew something was wrong, and he had clung to her side since. She hadn't told him anything that was going on, but he could sense her sadness, and my sweet son wanted to be as close to her as he could get.

I didn't realize until I found them, her asleep next to him like she'd been doing it all her life how much Jack needed someone like her in his life. Losing Haley had been devastating for both of us, to the point I thought I may not recover. Sure, Jack had Jessica, but despite being Haley's sister, she lacked a certain motherly aspect that was necessary for Jack to have around.

Jack was so much happier with her around. He'd learned so much from her, from all the things they did in the kitchen and teaching him to read, she'd done it all gladly, every minute of it enjoyable to her.

She was like our personal ray of sunshine.

But it was obvious she was hurting, and I wasn't sure how to help her. I decided to let her sleep, leaving her with Jack as I crept into the living room area to call Rossi for any updates.

"She still isn't talking. But we know Y/N's mother is the one sending Lea the money. She's called Lea's phone nonstop since we've been questioning her."

"I'll see what Y/N is willing to tell me about her when she wakes up. We have 70 hours to hold her, let her sit until morning. I'm going to sleep with my family without having to worry about Lea roaming around," I told him, instinctively looking towards the room where they slept soundly.

"I don't blame you one bit. Call me if you need me. I'll be around."

The bed was entirely too small for the three of us, and I wasn't risking waking them up to move them to the bigger bed. So, I sat next to the bed, sleep creeping in quicker than I could get comfortable.

✨✨✨

Derek had taken Jack to school the following morning, Y/N didn't budge the first time all night long. I wasn't entirely sure what I should do, so I called Prentiss, hoping she'd be able to give me some help.

"How's she doing?" She didn't greet me, just expressed concern for her friend.

"I don't know. She's slept since we got here. I... I'm not sure I know what to do to help her," I confessed, sighing at the thought of hearing myself say it out loud. How in the world could I marry her if I didn't even know how to help her?

"She just needs time, Hotch. She raised Beau like her own child. You didn't see those boys when Y/N was a kid. They followed her everywhere. She was 11 years old putting Beau in a baby carrier every morning to take him places with her. That was her baby. What could anyone do for you if you lost Jack?"

"Nothing. I'd be inconsolable."

"Exactly. She needs time. Just make sure she knows you're there for her. That'll mean more to her than anything."

"I think I'll have Garcia come sit with her today. Keep her company."

"Hotch? She'd kill me if I told you this, but our periods are in sync. Could be why she's so tired."

"She quit her birth control over a month ago so-"

"She what?"

"Day after Christmas."

Silence. I wasn't sure why, but Emily seemed to be uncomfortable.

"Do you have any idea how screwed up her hormones probably are right now? She's been on the pill for years. Jesus, she's probably an absolute wreck. If it's okay with you, I'll come to sit with her for the day."

"I think that's a good idea. You don't think-"

"That's absolutely what I'm thinking, Hotch."

"Fuck."

"Yeah. Fuck is right. What did you expect to happen when she came off birth control?"

We knew we wanted to try, but the thought of her being pregnant this very moment...

"How fast can you get here?"

"15 minutes. I'll stop by a pharmacy."

Fuck.

taglist: @sammyrenae68 @insomniren @realdirectionx @ellamalfoypotter @deblou008 @ssamorganhotchner @dangerouslittlefairy @iamanironmanfan

[rememberingthesugden-dingles]

I'm trying to 'rise above' and I know this is all only temporary but... I think I really don't like this era/upcoming era lads 😞

[bentforkent]

CAMP FIREFLY - chapter one

word count: 4,210

content warnings: brief joking mention of child death

read on ao3 / read on wattpad (coming soon too lazy to upload there rn lol) / previous part / next part

Emily wakes up on the first day of camp feeling like someone is sitting on her chest. It’s the same atmosphere as usual; her head rises from the same old flat pillow to the same old bunk above her. It’s the same atmosphere, sure, but today feels fundamentally different, for it’s the first time she’ll be interacting with real campers. Children. A gaggle of young folk coming to her every day for instruction or nurturing or a hand with the hot-glue stick. She’s been trained for this, of course, but what if she messes up a craft? What if she accidentally says “fuck”?

Wide awake, JJ and Penelope are up and bouncing around the cabin cheerily by the time Emily wiggles her toes and comes to from Dreamland. Emily had only awoken in the first place because the early-rising pair tuned the radio to something upbeat and relatively staticless, cranking up the volume. Emily would’ve considered that very rude had she not already slept in for an extra hour, and had she not been greeted with incredible excitement once her eyes popped open.

“She’s awake!” JJ cheered, Penelope replying with a soft good morning!. Emily took her time pulling her body from the mattress, and now sits still-groggy on the floor by her bunk, trying to do her makeup in a tiny, fogged compact mirror. Penelope is standing behind JJ, braiding bright purple ribbons into her hair.

It’s so early it’s still dark outside, so the three of them are illuminated by a sorta-eerie yellow light, an old light bulb wired smack in the center of the cabin. Penelope’s bags are packed by the door, and when Emily notices them, she feels a pang of sadness upon remembering that Penelope will be moving out to her own cabin with her own group of campers today. Emily will get to stay with JJ, which she thinks is quite nice, because the only other option was a single room all the way over by Rossi’s office all by herself. And she’s finding that she quite likes spending time with JJ and Penelope, so newfound solitude would be a drag.

The bunch have spent their past week in training--learning the lay of the land through semi-degraded VHS tapes of Rossi when he was young and sprightly still, walking through the camp and delivering very specific instructions on how to deal with very specific situations. Penelope was in charge of teaching the fun stuff---chants and traditions and how to make friendship bracelets.

On a particularly sweaty, boring training day, Emily pulled Aaron aside--away from the group who was watching an old-Rossi-video about the lake just behind the camp--and asked him if everything was always like this. Emily wasn’t entirely sure what the “this” was, whether she meant peppy or hot or musty or involved, but Aaron had nodded his head sympathetically and walked Emily back to her seat with a whispered, “You’ll get used to it.” Emily was only a tiny bit aware of Penelope’s eyes fixated on her as she slumped back down in the sticky plastic seat and focused back on Rossi-with-hair explaining the stupid history of the stupid lake.

And used to it she got. Spencer, too.

Turns out he shared the same sentiment as Emily--the, “I’m not entirely sure what’s going on, and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here, but I don’t hate it,” sentiment, as they’d so concisely dubbed it, when they sat together in the back of the big room training was taking place in, gossiping and giggling as Rossi, real Rossi --- old Rossi --- stood in front of the small group and explained yet another probably-self-explanatory camp rule.

For as much training as it feels like they participate in --- or sit through, rather --- Spencer still wakes up on the first day of Real Camp so stressed out he checks for gray hairs in the mirror.

It turns out that you can sit through a series of convoluted VHS tapes and Penelope-lessons and still not know a thing about what you’re supposed to be doing. It also turns out that while Camp Firefly is clearly very loved, it’s not the most...efficient summer camp of the area. Or the most safe. Or staffed. Or large. In fact, Spencer marvels at the fact people even send their kids here to stay. It���s not that the camp is poorly run or anything (to imply that would be to question the abilities of him and his friends, Spencer acknowledges), but there’s got to be better options, is the point.

Besides the small handful of counselors Spencer had become close with, the staff only consists of a trio of kitchen staff, one (one!) lifeguard, and a male nurse that Spencer had spoken to once and left the conversation supremely uneasy at the poor guy giving any medical advice. Spencer made a mental note to try his hardest to not have any health issues during his time here.

The kitchen staff are older---like, appear-in-the-old-training-videos older, but they entertain the rest of the newer, younger staff with stories of their youth. The nature of Camp Firefly means that they have stories about Spencer’s friends, too, as the majority of them have been going to the camp every summer since they were children, aging up into their jobs as counselors.

Spencer hears about the time an elementary-aged Derek begged to help serve food to the other campers just because, and about the time Penelope and JJ (when the story is told, they call her Jennifer) passed a petition calling for Rossi’s retirement around the whole camp, just because he cancelled the Talent Show. (The petition turned up only 4 signatures, and the Talent Show is no longer a Camp Firefly tradition).

It’s awe-inducing to Spencer that these people around him have lived whole lives in these dingy cabins. They’ve known each other for ages, built relationships and traditions and memories and stories, all because their parents chose the cheapest sleepaway camp option.

Spencer wonders how different his life would have turned out if he’d been indoctrinated into Summer Camp Culture in his youth, whether he’d even be at Camp Firefly now. Probably not. Definitely not.

Everyone is hanging out around Rossi’s office when the first bus arrives, lounging against the walls and picking at their cuticles. The sun is meandering its way over the horizon finally, but it still feels impossibly early. The group wears bright orange Camp Firefly t-shirts that are meant to be matching, but budget things mean that some of the shirts are more worn---Aaron’s has the sleeves cut off, and the logo is largely rubbed off of JJ’s---and some are brand new.

The crackling of the bus’ tires signals it’s presence before the vehicle peeks over the hill, and when it’s finally in everyone’s line of vision, it’s like a switch flips. They’re hooting and hollering, jumping and dancing in the name of welcoming this bus. Spencer has a wild grin on his face, and when he meets Emily’s eyes, they share a look of fondness and excitement.

After the first bus arrives, the day goes by as quickly as a montage--a cluster of quickly moving vignettes.

Spencer watches as a young girl stares up at Derek, eyes wide and full of wonder. He’s lifting her--and three other girls’--duffle bags with ease, muscles flexing and shiny with sweat. Same, Spencer thinks, realizing his expression is most likely the same as the girl’s. Derek flashes him a quick, hot smile, and Spencer grins in return.

Emily executes her first craft--a cluster of glitter and string and construction paper--flawlessly. Each group introduces themselves to her with a chorus of “hi Emily,” and it warms her heart more than she expected. One girl missing her front tooth hangs back as her group is leaving--Penelope’s group is leaving--just to tell Emily that she likes her “funny makeup.” It’s just eyeliner, really, it’s not that funny, but the sentiment makes Emily smile nonetheless.

Aaron has some trouble with children in his group picking beds, a small verbal scuffle breaking out between two campers vying for the last top bunk. Aaron, ever a mediator, solves it with a stern glance at the pair and a reminder that the other option out of the two is a bed near a window, another highly-sought-after spot. They fight for the window bed next, and Aaron feels a gray hair sprout on the spot.

Once all of Penelope’s campers have unpacked, she takes them on a top-secret trip down to the lake. It’s definitely not top-secret, it’s a staple of every group’s first-day tour, but Penelope has a knack for making her campers feel special, so they creep around the sandy shore on their tiptoes, whispering, while Andrea the Lifeguard looks on.

Despite the speed and relative easiness of the day, everyone finds themselves exhausted, greeting each other with pantomimes of falling asleep and loud sighs. It’s not been a bad day at all, but a long one, and in an attempt to remedy the feeling Derek graciously offers to run to the supermarket and pick up some fun snacks---a counselors only affair.

Spencer volunteers to accompany him on account of him wanting to spend obscene amounts of time with Derek, and also on the account of Rossi offering his expensive car for Derek to drive. Oh, to feel buttery leather seats and hear music and smell anything but dry leaves and B.O.

As soon as their campers are pawned off to other people and sufficiently supervised, Rossi tosses his keys to Derek, who catches them with a jingle.

“Be back soon,” Derek promises, and Spencer punctuates with a wave and a smile.

The fluorescent lights buzz in Spencer’s ear, comforting him. Bzz, bzz. Hope you like the air conditioning, they call out to him. He sure does.

Normally the energy of these 24/7 high-budget chain grocery stores freak Spencer out. It’s always too bright, too loud, too full-of-people. But tonight, there’s not a soul around except him and Derek and the high-school-aged cashier, so Spencer’s actually feeling particularly soothed. The sounds of Derek’s feet dragging on the shiny floor and the squeaky wheel are good sounds, he decides. He could still do without the candy-coated pop music wafting through the speakers.

The shopping cart remains empty for about fifteen minutes before either of them address it. Derek and Spencer spend those 15 minutes wandering aisles, relatively silent save for short, casual remarks like, “Oh, maybe we should get barbecue chips,” or, “JJ loves these Fruit by The Foot.”

Derek pauses from where he’s pushing the cart and turns to Spencer. “We should probably start shopping for real now, huh?”

Honestly, half of Spencer thought they had been shopping for real already. But apparently, if you’re not putting things in the cart, it doesn’t count, he learns. (Derek might be a misguided teacher in that lesson, though.)

“I like to take my time here, because it’s about the only time during camp I get to be alone,” Derek explains, tossing a loaf of bread into the cart absentmindedly. Bread is not on the list.

Spencer tugs at his fraying string bracelet. “Oh. Sorry, then,” he says. Three boxes of graham crackers are set delicately next to the bread.

“For what?”

“Well, you’re not really alone right now,” Spencer observes.

Derek shrugs casually. “Sure, I guess. But you don’t really count, Spence,” he says.

He means it kindly, Spencer knows. But it’s an odd thing to hear--what does that mean? Is he implying Spencer is too boring, or too quiet? Before Spencer can spiral too much, Derek notices his uncomfortable silence and continues, “Hey, no, I mean because I like spending time with you. Like, it’s easy. I don’t have to think about it.”

Spencer has a flash of a vision of Derek dipping him right there in aisle 6 and planting a nice firm kiss onto his lips. In that vision, there’s a fog machine whirring and some Chopin playing. Vision-Spencer nips at vision-Derek’s lower lip.

Instead of all that, present-moment-Spencer nudges Derek’s shoulder with his own, murmuring a happy little “likewise,” and clinging onto the sound of Derek’s chuckle.

Derek kept his hand on the center console the whole drive home, and Spencer desperately wanted to reach out and grab it, to open his palm and lay in it, letting him be engulfed like a weighted blanket. But he kept his hands to himself, squarely on his thighs.

It’s dark when they return, and the bright LED headlights of Rossi’s fancy car seem out of place when they pull back into the camp. Everything seems out of place. Spencer can’t put his finger on it --- the buildings haven’t shifted, and the camp is exactly the same as it was before he left, and yet he’s got this strange premonition that something is just...off.

Spencer’s shoe is untied, and he can feel the laces whipping his ankle as he and Derek trek to Rossi’s office to return his keys to him. He’d reach down and tie them if not for the plastic bags of groceries in his hand---god forbid he let food sit on the dirty, unpaved path, no matter how many layers of plastic packaging protect it. Besides, the air feels thicker than usual, and each time the knit of his shoelace brushes his skin, Spencer is reminded just how uncomfortable everything feels and how desperate he is to be inside.

Everyone is packed into Rossi’s office when the pair gets there, and Spencer’s stomach sinks the tiniest bit.

Penelope and Emily are lounging in those sticky plastic chairs, showered and smelling like a cocktail of cheap, fruity shampoo. Behind them are Aaron and JJ --- JJ’s standing to braid French braids into Penelope’s wet hair, and Aaron just appears to be shaking out pent-up energy. How he isn’t tired, Spencer doesn’t know. Confused, and with hesitant movements, Derek pushes away a stack of bright-white papers on Rossi’s desk to make space for the grocery bags. “What’s everyone doing in here?” he asks. “I thought we were doing Shifts tonight.”

Now that campers have arrived at the camp, it’s become a little more complicated to hang out as a group in the evenings, as they’ve all got an obligation to be in their cabins just in case. Liabilities, and all that.

The first year Aaron was old enough to become a counselor---he was the first of the bunch to age up into the job---he devised an elaborate, elaborate system that allowed the group to socialize without any sleeping campers being left alone.

It’s complete with maps and rules and a very strict set of time shifts, so in addition to Spencer and Emily’s official training, they’d been trained on the side by a very drill-sergeant-y JJ in what Aaron all those years ago so aptly dubbed “Shifts.”

Neither Spencer nor Emily have got it down yet.

“Rossi has an announcement,” Aaron says, pulling his ankle up behind him into a simple hamstring stretch.

“Yeah, I heard he’s gonna promote you to Head of Grocery Shopping, Der,” Penelope teases, peering jovially at Derek through the corner of her eye.

“Haha,” Derek deadpans, and tosses her a pack of fruit snacks that he’d picked out specifically for her. They're the good brand, the blue bag, and she accepts graciously with a kiss blown in his direction. Derek catches it, and presses it to his cheek.

Emily has noticed that Rossi always slinks into his office after his guests have arrived. He’s never there waiting, never anticipating. She has no clue where he’s coming from, although she assumes it’s from his cabin. He always makes an entrance, always sits with a weird old-guy sigh, and then launches into whatever reason he’d called the meeting in the first place.

On cue, Rossi swings the door open and lowers himself into his chair slowly. Emily anticipates it and then there it is---Rossi sighs that damn sigh, and leans forward onto his desk. Although no one else moves, the air shifts towards him as well, and it feels like the seven of them are all standing nose-to-nose.

Penelope slips Rossi a fruit snack discreetly, sliding it across the table to rest by his elbow.

“You know I love you all very much,” Rossi starts, and Emily feels like she might puke. That’s the thing about her Rossi prediction --- the important part, the part where he speaks, is the part she’ll never be able to guess.

So, she feels like she might puke. Not because she feels ill, of course, but in her experience all of that cheesy, “I love you” bullshit always prefaces the worst news, and she has absolutely no clue what is about to come out of Rossi’s mouth. Her mind leaps to the worst possible conclusion---”You’re firing all of us,” she blurts out, relieving the tension just a tad as JJ bursts into snickers behind her.

Another sigh. “No, I’m not firing you.”

“A kid died?”

“Jesus, Emily, would you let me finish?” Rossi says.

Then, after a deep breath, “Developers are coming tomorrow to look at the land. I’m planning on selling Camp as soon as this summer is finished.”

Oh, Emily thinks.

It hits them like a punch to the gut.

There’s hardly room to breathe in the cabin, let alone fall to the floor, but somehow JJ makes it work. The sound of her knees hitting the wooden floor reverberates and warps through the space.

Emily and Spencer exchange a watery glance and mirror each other, biting the inside of their cheeks at the same time. They share a small, spiritless smile at the misfortune.

Penelope is gasping short and shallow breaths as she staves off cries, reaching down and behind her for JJ, who has tucked her head into her knees, pulling off an emotional Child’s Pose on the filthy floor.

Penelope crying is awkward because Emily is sitting right there, upset as well but characteristically less overt about it. Their knees are touching --- Emily’s right to Penelope’s left --- and yet, there’s no tissue for Emily to give Penelope, no way to console her without feeling irreparably out of place. Emily sinks lower into her seat, wishing she had the confidence to place her hand on Penelope’s leg as a tender signal that she’s there and she understands.

Derek is shoved into Spencer as Aaron pushes past him and out of Rossi’s office. It’s not a malicious push, and the sad look Derek gives Spencer is one of pity both for Aaron and for himself, too. An anguished cry comes from outside, from Aaron, and everyone’s eyes widen a little at the sound.

It’s impressive to Emily just how immediately everyone started crying. Before Rossi had even finished his sentence, there were tears welling up in Penelope’s big hazel eyes. Emily almost feels jealous at the brazen displays of emotion. She wants to love something so hard that she could cry at the drop of a hat over it. Nothing has ever touched her as Camp Firefly has touched Penelope, touched JJ, touched Aaron, touched Derek.

“I feel like my world is crashing around me,” Derek admits shyly. “As stupid as that sounds.”

Spencer nods. He knows the feeling. They sit on the porch of their cabin in creaky rocking chairs, a cloud of bug spray encompassing them.

“It’s like, I grew up at this camp. This camp saved me as a kid.” Derek shakes his head.

This camp is saving me now, Spencer thinks wryly before tucking that thought away in a deep corner of his brain. “I’m really sorry, Derek,” he says sincerely.

The door to the cabin creaks open, and a teary-eyed child steps out onto the porch. His feet are light, and he closes the door behind him slowly, clearly not trying to wake any of his fellow campers. “Derek?” he asks quietly. “I can’t sleep...and I kinda miss my mom.”

“C’mere, then,” Derek says tenderly, and gestures for the boy to sit in one of the unoccupied rocking chairs. “Spencer and I were just talking about how much we miss our moms, right Spence?”

Spencer agrees with a nod and a kind smile directed at the boy, then he takes a backseat to the conversation unfolding in front of him. He watches as Derek effortlessly consoles the weeping child before him by sharing his own stories of similar plights in homesickness and offering jokingly to sing the cabin to sleep next time.

After a few minutes Spencer’s mind starts to wander, curious on how the rest of his friends are sleeping tonight after the news of Camp Firefly’s imminent closure. He hopes Emily is chatting with JJ just as he’s chatting with Derek, comforting her and providing the very few words of solace that would help in this situation. He thinks of Penelope and Aaron, all alone, and he half-considers walking over to each of their cabins just to check on them. He doesn’t, though, because it’s technically against the rules, and because Derek is standing, wrapping up his conversation and holding his hand out to help Spencer up out of his seat. The camper, who Spencer has learned is named Alex, scampers inside, tears dried.

Derek holds intense locked eye-contact with Spencer for a second. His eyes are soul-searching, making it clear that he has something he would like to say to Spencer. Maybe he wants to thank Spencer for listening to him talk, or accompanying him to the grocery store. Spencer quickly flips through a plethora of ideas of what Derek could say next like he’s flipping through a book, but he comes up short.

Derek’s mouth is open slightly, like he’d taken in a breath to speak and then lost his train of thought. The sight of him makes Spencer sweat a little, and just for a moment he feels like maybe he should break the short distance between them and kiss him.

Then Derek is tearing his eyes away, dropping Spencer’s hand, murmuring a gentle, “Sleep well, Spencer,” and retreating inside and to his bunk.

“Goodnight,” Spencer replies, but Derek’s already tucked himself in and turned his back to where Spencer stands by the open door.

Emily is always the last one to fall asleep. She knows this based solely on a feeling, an energy that settles over the camp when everyone else’s eyelashes are finally closed and their breathing patterns slowed. It takes a little longer on this night, considering the 40 new bodies in the vicinity--Welcome, Campers!--and the obviously upsetting news that’d been delivered to her and her friends, but finally Emily feels it. She’s the only one awake.

As much as Emily doesn’t like to spend time to herself, as she often finds herself in rabbit holes of self-loathing thoughts, this nightly hour-or-so of atmospheric solitude is comforting. Usually.

Tonight, she’s reeling with visions of land developers coming to the camp in fancy suits, and clipboards, and leather loafers that are far unsuited to trek through Camp Firefly’s unpaved land. And it sucks to imagine.

Emily has only spent a week or so here at the camp, so she doesn't feel like this loss hits her particularly hard. The only reason she’s even at this tiny camp in the first place is the fact that it’s on the exact opposite end of the country from where she’d spent her spring.

When summer ends, and this camp is gone, all she’ll need to do to heal is move to a new city, and make new friends. Then she’ll repeat the process once she gets hurt or bored. The collection of people who have known and loved Emily Prentiss is so impossibly large, and as a result, large is the collection of people who have lost her and haven’t thought about her since.

With regret, Emily recognizes that the group she’s met and befriended this past week will eventually forget about her, remembering her only as the charismatic figure who took over the Craft Cabin the year the camp closed.

And yet, she feels differently than usual. She thinks of pretty Penelope, who is so sweet and sheepish and shy around her, but blooms into wide smiles and rosy cheeks around others. Of JJ, who eagerly taught her how to braid and make friendship bracelets on only their second day of meeting. Derek and Aaron, the rare macho men who haven’t made her want to gouge her eyes out but instead make her laugh constantly. She thinks of Spencer, the quiet intellectual who she feels such a warmth toward, considering him her baby sibling or her protegé.

She’s not entirely sure of what this emotion is, what it means or what it will mean in the future. What she does know, though, is that she’ll take up as much space as possible until her quiet disband from the mismatched group of friends. It’s how she always goes.

It’s then that she decides fuck the developers and fuck Rossi’s plans. If she’s going down and away with this camp, she might as well make it count. As she closes her eyes, finally ready to sleep, a plan begins to formulate in her mind.

- - - - - - -

next part

[longeyelashedtragedy]

all or nothing episode 7: stream of consciousness comments

-put your eyelashes AWAY mikel...and that smile while you’re at it

-the boys talking about who has boris johnson’s number i s2g

-why is granit so hot?  he lights up like every scene he’s in even if he’s just sitting there? gjdgjdjgsg

-oh dear lord what am i seeing on that laptop screen...

-UHHH HELLO BOYFRIENDS FLIRTING...MIKEL ROASTING GRANIT FOR HIS CARDS AND GRANIT IS SITTING THERE LAUGHING...they are Perfect for each other i literally just cannot 

-and granit gives him such a loving look during it

-and you can TELL mikel doesn’t give a fuck about his bad discipline lmaooooo 

-angry granit yelling

-oooh mikel angry at the half and we haven’t had any obscenities yet...let’s see

-also now aaron not getting a clean sheet makes me Extra sad

-”fucking shit 45 minutes man we can’t come play like this year!” YES GRANIT YES...CAPTAIN GRANIT “WE KNEW WHAT WE HAD TO DO! fuck me, the first action, they have the throw in, put the fucking ball away!” god this is so hot and he’s like little mini mikel

-it seems like they all just sit there and take him yelling at them?

-omg mikel is TINY and his butt is so...[censored] while yelling at them? this scene is a dream

-mikel: “we deserve to be slapped on the face” (slaps his own face) O RLY mikel....god that was one of my fav things he ever said in a press conference, telling on yourself much mikel?

-mikel can’t park a fucking car to save his life omg

-mikel saying that after the palace game he was like....kind to the boys bc they just needed to be together? OMG

-granit caring for kt...

-mikel says the boys have given him reason to trust them 🥺

-”we’re gonna play with balls out, guys.  balls out.”

-man nuno really is so fucking beautiful lol

-OMG MO ELNENY we do not deserve him...love his sunshiney honesty here

-OH FUCK IT’S THE LIGHTBULB SPEECH

-cedric’s FACE he’s like what the FUCK is this mf doing now

-”Because what happens when we play connected, guys? What is the next thing that happens? That we connect with 60,000 people that creates more energy, because at the end is electricity, that through heat creates light and life, because if not, it would be fucking dark,  if this guy wouldn’t have the idea to do that.” omg mikel......i have no words for u 

-imagine after all that u go fuck up this game! come on guys!

-omg martin looking so defeated is breaking my whole heart

-”i have too many emotions. look at me please when i talk.” omg mikel put that *** energy AWAY mr cincuenta shades of grey 

-sad granit with his sweaty curls and big beautiful eyes....

“okay guys after the game i didn’t want to talk to you, i am sure i was going to say something that i was going to regret.” *cracks knuckles* “but i tell you today it was a fucking disaster.”

-bro in this briefing room speech i can like. legit tell how much mikel loves this club?  i’m getting emotional i can’t explain he REALLY wants them to do well and cares about the players

-he’s also so tiny have i mentioned this before

-mo advising frustrated young players is a concept i didn’t realize i needed

-airpods albert and eddie 🥺

-OMG THE LITTLE KID SENDING B SOME MONEY...omg and then he meets him? CRYING rn

-this is one of the sweetest things i’ve ever seen!!!!!!! like literally i am crying

-i swear profane mikel is making me Feel things

-me screaming at eddie’s goal!

-and me getting CHILLS at babey b’s penalty (lmao the true AoN experience...feeling these emotions like the first time)

-emile is so sweet and soft spoken

-this episode is so quietly feel good?

-omg the way they’re taking care of mo during ramadan, also wait he and raketa have weirdly similar scars/birthmarks

-”i never saw someone give everything, work very hard, and they don’t get the reward” oh mo, sweet summer child...

-NOT ME RELIVING THE MAN UTD GAME AND GRANIT’S GOAL ALL OVER AGAIN

-XHAKARTETA HUG XHAKARTETA HUG

-mikel looks so fresh faced and happy post game...before everything fell apart...I almost feel like he has yet to recover from the nld you know

-ONLY ONE MORE EPISODE LEFT? NOOOOOOO.....

[whump-town]

Hospital

A hurt Emily fic for idk anyone. I just wrote it forever ago and just got around to finishing the ending... Hotchniss and whump soo I’m also like obsessed rn with retired Hotch and Emily still working but also like old Hotchniss is really soft 

“Hotch!” His large dark figure jogs down the hall. Even aged, cheeks covered with a soft greying beard, and hair a little longer than what used to be typical, it takes Garcia only a glance to know that it’s him. A single glance to recognize the distinct way that he exists in space. She rises to her feet to meet him as he comes to a breathless halt. “What’re you doing here?”

He’s shaking, eyes scanning over the little crowd of them. “Where--” he recognizes them even if he doesn’t know them. Luke Alvez, Emily’s always going on about him. Hotch had hired the young man and Emily never stops reminding him of that. He’s surmised the younger man is to her what she used to be to him-- a pain in the ass. Matt Simmons, tall, charming, and looks exactly the same as the first time Hotch met him years ago. Tara, whom he knows, and respects for her ability to work so flawlessly with Emily. Then JJ and Reid.

“Where is she,” he asks. A few years ago, he would never be putting on the show that he is right now. He certainly wouldn’t be standing here. He’d be off hidden somewhere, reeling with emotions and probably being an ass to anyone unfortunate enough to run into him. But not today. “Where’s Emily?”

They’ve been doing this little dance for ages. For longer than it even matters to count. He hadn’t been brave enough to say anything, never has been. So, even after thousands of letters back and forth from London, Emily coming home to help the team, and stopping Scratch… She’d found him, though.

Weekends started revolving around her schedule. She and Jack spending time together, to make up for how she left things after Doyle. Then… they didn’t even need Jack. They started texting again. She’d tell him about Luke and Reid getting into trouble. How Matt has the cutest kids. That Garcia is dragging them out for a girls’ night.

And, standing in the middle of this hospital corridor, he finally understands what it’s like to be on the other half. What it must have been like for Haley and Will and Luke’s wife. To not know if the other half of you is…

Dave appears from the hall, calm. He smiles when he spots Hotch. “Aaron,” he calls, with a small wave. For old friends, he hasn’t seen much of the man since his retirement. More than the team, Jack’s a very big fan of weekends spent up at Dave’s house but still. It’s been a while.

“Dave,” Hotch breaths. He steps up to the older man, twisting and anxiously pulling at his hands. Trying to work the stress out of his body. “Is she okay?”

Rossi looks the younger man over. In this state, he’s not going to be nearly as soothing as Dave needs him to be. Emily’s hurting and she’s asking for Hotch but they’re going to be like gas on a house fire if he lets them near one another right now. “Sit down,” he instructs, motioning to the chairs.

Hotch’s bottom lips trembles, his voice thick as he barely manages to form Rossi’s name. “Dave, please,” he rasp.

Rossi doesn’t budge.

Knees shaking under him, Hotch sinks heavily into the chair. He leans over himself, elbows on his knees. “I don’t have time for this,” he complains, working his fingers through his hair.  He rubs at his face, sniffling as he roughly wipes the tears that fall against his will.

He glances up when a hand falls on his back, Tara offers him a smile. “She’s strong,” Tara informs him with a strength that he wished he had. “I was with her the entire time,” Tara inhales calmly, drawing her shoulders up with the breath. If she wants to reflect the calm that Hotch needs, she needs to look the part. With a nod of her head she adds, “she was aware the entire time. Trying to give orders and keep us calm.”

He nods his head, bottom lip still trembling and eyes rimmed with the tears that he refuses to let fall. “Sounds like Emily,” he manages, eyes shifting to the team as they nod agreeance. Her team. He’d left the BAU to her and she’d nestled and nurtured like she does everything. Looking at them, gathered around him and just as worried as he is, he can’t imagine why she’d ever been so afraid to take over.

“Alright,” Rossi sighs. He sits down beside Aaron, preparing himself. He’d seen her. Not her power of attorney but still trusted enough that his name was the second one she thought of when she woke up. She needed someone and Aaron hadn’t been here. “She’s sedated--” he holds up his hand when Hotch tries to cut in. “I know, I’ve already requested they pull her off the medication. I know she doesn’t like it.”

Pushing his hand through his own hair he sighs, “she’s… tired but she wants to see you.” Hotch nods. “You have to be calm.”

“I’ll be fine.”

Dave shakes his head but caves, “alright.”

She’d taken a hit straight to her vest. Laid out on her back struggling to breathe, she’d realized that she’s way too fucking old for this. She remembered all the times Aaron had tried to convince her back to bed in the early mornings. Practically begging her to just take the day off. To stay here with him.

When she wakes up in the hospital, stiff and in pain, all she wants is him. Someone to hold her hand and to pull her hair off of her back. It’s itchy and she hates it.

Seeing Dave, she could have cried. So certain he was going to deny her and tell her Aaron wasn’t coming.

“Aaron,” she whispers, a sob bubbling its way up out of her throat. She’s too weak and hurting to reach out for him but he doesn’t break stride when he sees her. “There you are,” she can’t remember what happened between taking that shot to the vest and now. There’s a faint, faint, memory of the feeling of her blood pooling around her. Fear. She’d been afraid. Now, face pressed into his shoulder and his arms wrapped tightly around her, she’s not afraid at all.

Pressing her face into his clothes she smiles, “you smell good.”

He laughs but it’s chocked and sounds more like a scoff. “Thanks,” he croaks. Sniffling, he pulls back from her hug. There’s a fleck of blood on her neck, leftover from the wound on her side. He’s already mapping out ways to keep her comfortable when he gets to take her home. The couch isn’t any good but their bedroom is on the second floor of their house. He’s a little too old to be carrying her but he already knows he’ll pull his back out before he makes her walk up the stairs.

“I like the beard,” she whispers dreamily, fingers scratching at his facial hair.

He places his hand over hers, cupping her hand there.

“Aaron--”

He covers his mouth, looking away as his breathing hitches his tears to fall.

“Honey,” she whispers, tugging his hand when he keeps himself turned from her. Trying to hide his tears. “You don’t have to hide,” she reminds him softly. He still keeps his head turned. “Well, if you’re going to hide your tears will you at least make yourself useful and come over here and cuddle me, huh? I’m tried and I’m in pain and I don’t sleep alone.”

He shakes his head, pulling his hand from hers, wiping at his face.

“I wasn’t playing,” she clarifies. “I need another blanket and your big dumb butt up here with me.”

Rubbing his tears away, Hotch forces himself to breathe. To calm down. Clearing his throat, he goes to the closet on the other side of the room. Retrieving her second blanket. “There’s not enough room on there for me,” he informs her, spreading the blanket and draping it over her delicately.

She frowns, sadly looking down at the room between her sides and the railing. She’s pouting. Very childishly so but he can’t stand to see her sad and she knows it. “Please,” she whispers. “Won’t you just try?”

He sighs and she knows she’s won.

He’s terrified he’ll hurt her but she’s completely okay with that.

“How,” he’s half on the edge, scratching at the side of his face as he tries to figure out how to lay on his side or--

“I don’t care,” she replies, head leaning on the pillow as she watches him. She’s always thought his thinking was rather hot. So analytic and logical. Funny thing is, both of those traits also annoy the hell out of her.

With a nod of his head, she can see he’s come up with his plan. He’s got his “business” face on, or, as she calls it, his “Agent Hotchner” face. It’s very distinct and cute.

“Oh careful with the hands mister,” she giggles, smiling when he places a hand on her stomach, carefully maneuvering himself around her. His thumb grazes her breast and she’s only in this hospital gown. He rolls his eyes but she knows he loves her little jokes.

When he stops moving, he’s successfully managed to get mostly behind her, allowing her to lean back against his chest. A favorite cuddling position of hers. He’s very content with himself. She’s happily moving herself to nestle as closely as she can.

“You’re very warm,” she informs him, wincing when she pulls on her sore side. He rubs her back and she can feel herself relaxing again. Everything is warm. Her head is on his chest, she can hear his heart beating, and his breath running down under her gown across her skin. She’s not going to be able to stay awake like this.

“Emily?”

His voice has thickened again and she can hear the tears in his voice. Without opening her eyes she finds his leg and pats it, trying her best sleepy and hurting to comfort him as best she can. “What is it, my love?” She doesn’t make a habit of using little monikers like that in their day-to-day life but occasionally it’s the best way to remind him she loves him.

“I love you,” he whispers, “you know that, right.”

She smirks, he’s always so anxious. Terrified one day she’ll wake up and doubt every minute of the last decade. “I know,” she assures him. “Most of the time,” she amends with a smile, “I doubt it a little when you wake me up snoring or leave the toilet seat up.”

He smiles and shakes his head.

Good, she thinks and sighs contently. They’re going to be okay.

[goodomens-goodomenseverywhere]

Loki ep 6 thoughts

-FEAR

-recap reminds me I hate ravonna

-I want more mobius/sylvie

-THE SONG WAHHH

-The QUOTES IN THE INTRO?? WAHHH?,

-OH,?? REAL PEOPLE VOICES??

-Greta thin burg I love u

-upside down heart in rock

-THE SUSOICIOUS LACK OF THEME MUSIC WITH THE LOKI LOGO

-this music slaps everyone say thank u Natalie holt

-they look so good….ugh

-sylvies hair…wah

-THE LITTLE CALLBACK TO LAMENTIS

-she’s asking him to tell her to stop :’)

-best buds I love dem

-she’s pulling the ‘I’m 8 minutes older than u!!’ Argument that every twin pulls

-she needs a moment now but she didn’t hesitate back in ep 4. Hmm

-Tom looks fuckin great here let’s not lie

-statues?? Omg who

-ominous door slam

-I FUCKING JUMPED

-OMINOUS ‘HEY YALL???’

-THAT WAS HORRIFYING

-what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck

-I need a second

-I’m so sorry that gives me the ‘HEY SISTERS’ jumpscare energy I’m laughing but terrified

-kang

-it’s fuckin kang aint it

-oh he scared

-he’s scared

-of the lokis

-wants to bargain with them hmm

-bitchboy

-this never ends well

-BRO HES PAST THIS STUPID FUCKIN BATTLE

-this is a trick loki PLS DONT FALL FOR IT

-full offense but ‘we can reinsert you so you won’t disrupt the timeline’ and ‘you can kill thanos and have the infinity gauntlet’ cannot POSSIBLY coincide

-her eyes are creepy

-don’t let this overrule your GOAL SYLVIE

-god one of you have braincells pls

-oh she thinks they’re a thing too huh

-Disney don’t do it I stg

-THANK u

-sylvie looks so annoyed girl me too

-even my cat’s confused

-I don’t wanna have any sympathy for ravonna don’t show me those stupid fuckin rings

-LMAO THE CLOCK IS PLAYING RAVONNA TOO

-why is this so funny

-knife buds

-I shouldn’t love him but I kinda do

-okay but they’re so funny just holding their knives to him

-I’m so sorry sylvie is so cute

-her little hair flips

-it’s a Loki thing

-he’s funny but I’m fairly certain I’m gonna hate him

-at least call her by her preferred name bitch

-MOBIUS MY KINGGGGG

-WHAT A BAD BITCH I FUCKIN LOVE YOU

-“one mans void is another man’s….piece of cake”

-SHES SO ANNOYEDFKSIFKS

-youre not sorry bitch

-LMAO B-15 YOU BAD FUCKING BITCH

-OMG OMG OMG PRINCIPAL NOT-RAVONNA IS SO HOT

-B-15 like I’ll expose the fuck outta your ass

-Loki I love you but this is obviously bigger than you think

-man’s a script writer omg

-ugh not him being a sylkie shipper

-man I hate u

-NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN IM TIRED

-right when they thought they could start doing their own thing and making their own decisions he’s like SIKE!!!

-I sad

-this bitch is exactly why I’m like meh on Christian god

-must be boring

-man I don’t want him to turn them against each other

-IS THIS A RELIGIOUS ALLEGORY

-ravonna is. A little unhinged

-‘an illusion conjured by the the weak to inspire fear. A desperate bid from control’

-I’m sorry but she sounds like cliche christians

-this is coming from a cradle Catholic

-why is this the mokius/Loki fight from ep 4 all over again

-she literally says crisis of faith

-mobius: hey I think this entire institution has manipulated us and I'm gonna try and figure out what's at the bottom of it

ravonna: lies to him, has him killed

ravonna: wow i cant believe he would betray me like that

-no bc its giving Aaron burr 'now I'm the villain in your history'

-its giving catra and adora in s1 when adora's like 'they're awful' and catras like 'yeah we been knew. How dare u not condone that'

-except I don't ship Mobius and ravonna

-I had to pause to write this rant

-she threatens to prune him again as if he wouldn't just go back to the void

-mobius: we can't take away ppl's free will

Ravonna: i disagree

mobius: where are u going

ravonna: in search of free will

-PICK A SIDE

-IM TIRED

-mobius being left ONCE AGAIN

-poor bitch

-everyone has evil clones just let shit happen

-why is it literally an entire religious allegory

-HW FOUND BABY ALIOTH

-im so confused

-what does the illusion of the time keepers do at all

-he fills the same spot as them either way

-is it anonymity?

-why doesn't he just kill all the bad variants of himself

-he sounds like a liar I don't trust him

-hes just an asshole

-why doesn't he offer ppl the option to work for the tva

-if he thinks they'll still work under Sylvie and Loki then he must think they'd help

-why does he look scared

-idk why but I'm real tired of all this

-time shit's confusing

-dude i just want lokius interaction

-NOOO NOT A SYLKIE FIGHT

-no I’m so ficking emo

-I want them to be besties

-“because you can’t trust. And I can’t be trusted”

-bro I’m sad

-I’m so sad ab Loki

-he’s trying so hard not to hurt her pls

-WAHHHHH

-I am going to SOB

-HE THREW HIS SWORD DOWN IM GOING TO CRY

-he’s GROWN SO MUCH

-LOUD CRYING

-that’s it I’m fucking logging out

-Disney I hate you

-I’m so fucking pissed

-I’m so tempted not to finish this episode I’m mad

-anger fills me from top to bottom

-NOT THIS AGAIN

-I am taking a moment

-are you SERIOUS

-man

-my exact words when she says ‘I’m not you’ were “AH fuck. GODdammit” but I need you to take the liberty of imagining the exhaustion in my voice

-bro I’m just so mad

-I’m like apathetic to the rest of the plot rn sorry

-I couldn’t care less ab this

-man I am so disappointed

-I’m sorry I just am

-does it really fuckin have to go like that

-god at least let me have one last Lokius moment

-Tom Hiddleston’s deliverance of that rant was so fucking good

-like. You can hear how truly fucked up he is about all this. We’ve never seen Loki like this

-I’m rly emo about it

-I’m actually going to kill marvel

-I am. Divorcing this show

-are you fucking kidding me

-no because fuck you

-FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

-I am SO ANGRY

-I am going to be pissed forever

-you fucking make MOBIUS FORGET HIM?? JUST LIKE THAT???

-GODDAMIR

-SO IS THIS MOTHERFUCKER KANG THE CONQUERER??

-I’m so tired

-I just want to take a long fucking nap

-I’m gonna spend the next few years pretending this episode doesn’t exist

-fuck everything man. I’m fucking mad I haven’t been this mad since I watched infinity war in theaters.

-with that I will be. Dying somewhere

[i-did]

Ur view on raven!Andrew was rlly interesting! Do u think theres any way for an au like that to end, not happily necessarily, but with everyone not dead cuz Andrew tried to/succeeded in killing Riko/the others and the mafia just decided 'fuck it' and killed them all?

Sober-Andrew is very calculated and manic-Andrew as more erratic against his will. The ravens would definitely get him off his meds early, maybe Kevin even tried to offer it as a bribe to get him to join, especially because it hinders his playing.

But Andrew knew the ravens were intense and cared about exy, while Andrew doesn’t (sort of). Playing exy requires effort, effort Andrew didn't have in him, and only agreed to sort of try with the foxes because of his deal with Aaron and how Wymack offered full rides to Aaron and Nicky too.

It would take a lot for Andrew to join the ravens in my opinion, Andrew is really smart, and it's an open secret just how almost all ravens fail professionally, unable to cope with the trauma and be team players. Most ravens don’t even make it off the bench– especially strikers. “Everyone thinks they’re the exception, not the rule”

Andrew definitely would look into them, suspicious on a team that can offer as much as it can and has the results it does. If Andrew were to go in as raven, it would be with the worst in mind, as he goes into most in life.

I think it could go down pretty Tarantino tho, some real no country for old men* or reservoir dogs type shit. I don't think Andrew would just go on a mass killing spree and call it a day, especially because if he were to do killing, he’s aware of the possible consequences and willing to take them. He didn't stab Tilda, he crashed the car, willing to die in the process. If he made a deal with one of the ravens, maybe Kevin or Jean, in a self-destructive manner he might kill Riko point-blank, and take whatever comes as both a way to hold up his end of the deal as well as get out of the nest. But I can also see him threatening Riko the first time Riko ever tries to put his hands on Andrew, manipulate him in any way, and Andrew just says fuck that “touch me again and ill cut your fingers off” and then follows through with his threat.

Andrew can take Riko in a fight. Riko is a few inches taller, but he's also a striker and likely lean and fast, Andrew is a goalie and is both wide and fast, and doesn't rely on others to hold someone down like Riko does. Andrew is a threat on his own, Riko uses psychology and years of abuse and manipulation and money and his followers. Purely physical? Andrew would win no doubt. Purely a mental game? Andrew would also win since Riko gets frustrated and lashes out, makes mistakes and Andrew could catch those. Andrew also doesn’t care about himself which is unfortunately an element that would make him have more advantage over Riko. He has self-preservation and self-destruction, he doesn't allow himself to care about things so Riko would struggle to manipulate him. I believe Riko would have his go-to tactics and would pick up on what Andrews secret soft spots are as well though, like he does in canon.

Honestly, this ask is so interesting because it's just the tip of the iceberg in so many ways this can all go down. My mind unfortunately doesn't have instinctual first responses, but instead many many follow-up questions. When reading this I think about what caused Andrew to join in the first place and why and how his relationship with Nicky and Aaron would be and if Neil is there and what type of person he would be, etc.

Most scenarios are not happy ones tbh. I think it’s possible Andrew refuses to play consistently enough that gets him benched from the first line up, but because his raw talent when he does try might be impressive enough or better than the current go-to goalie, they try to force obedience into him.

The ravens are fueled by desires to be the best and personal gain, and Andrew just doesn't have that. Whatever would go down in a raven Andrew au, it would definitely bloody and complicated and sad and fucked, but not necessarily massacre style. More like a 3D chess game of manipulation and fine detailed planning and well-timed actions and violence.

Andrew is smart, but on his own I honestly don’t know what he could do against Riko. Andrew is also definitely a planner who would look at this like a giant puzzle, and he does his best to do everything rationally. I believe Andrew thinks of himself as a rational thinker, but he's actually pretty emotional in his instincts, hit first ask questions later, I do not like this I will not let this happen again, etc etc. this could definitely be a weakness of his against Riko as well, Andrew overestimating himself, believing he doesn't care about anything when Andrew still does care about his personal safety and personal boundaries, as well as caring about his cousin and brother even if they don't understand that. I can imagine Andrew having a plan and because of others it unravels horribly wrong for everyone.

Anyways this wasn’t really an answer, but basically I can see hundreds of ways this could all play out. Andrew is honestly smarter than me, which means ill never be able to write this, but in my mind this au is like those graphs of an invent that splits off and each event splits off into other events. There are ways where Andrew survives, and ways Riko does, but not many–if any–where they both do.

*yes I know this movie is by Choen and also based on a book. Point still stands.

Also, I'm v dizzy rn so if this is nonsense lol sry I tried

[malboroniights]

Downfalls High

Thoughts? feelings?

I’m gonna put a read more on this for people who don’t want to read all my opinions. I will resume my regular shit posting and fic writing soon enough. I just need to talk about it.

Also this ended up being a lot longer than I thought it would be.

I’ve only watched it through once. But I'm gonna watch through again while I write this out so that I don’t miss anything I wanted to talk about.

So from the intro alone it wasn’t what I was expecting this isn’t a negative, just not a conventional movie. More like a short/indie short with a bigger budget than a standard indie. The end of Colson's monologue also doesn't add up to the ending of the film. But like it's a vibe so we move.

Why is this on Facebook at 1080p at best?, sound quality is so compressed on Facebook. Here's hoping they put it on youtube at least in 4k.

title track - I love this song so much. Still remember my first listen and being blown away by it and this part of the movie does it so much justice to be honest. Big up title track!

The transition into '8 months earlier' is so smooth, props to who decided on it.

kiss kiss - good intro to the characters. Colson playing the guitar out of the van window had me dead :')

some dialogue! Also Sydney Sweeney we already been knew she is an amazing actress but she was sick in this. Chase Hudson did really well in this actually, I know he gets a lot of shit from coming from TikTok and things he's said in the past. Always hold people accountable but let them try and be better.

drunk face -  really like how they did the sound mixing on this one so it wasn't a direct copy from the album. The Travis and Colson visuals for this one were great Idk I just liked it. Cute part of the film + the song just made this part *chef's kiss* VHS parts felt like they fit the vibe more here than on kiss kiss.

bloody valentine - at this point I was hoping for more speaking parts but then bv kicked in. I wish they either had more time or turned it into a series maybe? IDK the idea of the story is right there be perfect for a series. Visuals on Colson and Trav again perfect on this one, happy Slim and Baze were in on this one too. I think Baze and Slim being in this one is making it feel more like a show and missing me live music so much rn.

body bag - Okay so I got a little excited when the track started because I wasn't sure whether they would include songs off Sold Out, to be honest, but they did so v. grateful. This scene definitely went too quickly into another song though. More speaking pls.

forget me too - mohawk kells mohawk kells mohawk kells! - The reverse effect at the start was really smart. This part was slightly confusing at first cause they were fighting so I thought maybe she's told him she was pregnant. What a dick response but no she hadn't told him yet so just didn't make a lot of sense to me. Would have been cool to see the characters actually at/on the rink while they performed kind of like title track where it's like they're almost not really there.

all i know - Mod's cameo! The visuals of Colson and Trippie were good until the parts on the backlot, I feel like this just took you out of the movie. Like I get it but nah this one was my least favorite 'visualizer'. Loved Trippie's isolated vocals over the Sidney buying the guitar scene though.

lonely - AHHH this song, man think I cried the first 5 times I listened to it and when he played it live at the Roxy. The visuals for this one were perfect. VHS parts fit really well again here. "When the high runs out the downfall is inevitable." AHH so good just nothing bad to say about this part tbf.

WWIII - They hadn't location or time marked any other part so felt odd to add it at this point and also never do it again. Landon is basically mini Trav same facial expressions and everything thought it was sweet they put him in. Plus his acting was good. This is my go-to end of the week leaving work song. I know people have a lot of shit to say about this song online. But you have not lived till your going home fast in your car screaming this song.

hangover cure - another amazing song from Sold Out. Just vibin.

concert for aliens - okay actually really liked this scene besides people throwing up(?) in the visualizer part with Colson and Trav. Idk just weird I'm like scared of throwing up, cool Lil Aaron cameo tho.

my ex's best friend - no major thoughts just vibin.

split a pill - AHH this song, gutted only a background song tbf. It deserves all the love and more.

jawbreaker - alls I can think about is the serious clown lung they both must have after filming with all the flour :')

nothing inside - on the second watch I'm more confused at what Fenix is even doing. But loving Iann and Colson's visualizer. Okay, just a small breakdown guess he's okay now. To not have Fenix lip-sync to the "I'm running low on serotonin..." line was missed drama imo.

banyan tree interlude - beautiful. Don't you love that Megan wrote this? I do. But the pillow and blanket - bro - like I'm sad but got to be cozy right? :') also why not cut out the 'same' iykyk.

play this when i'm gone - 10/10 monologue. Honestly wasn't ready for it to end tho.

Wasn't what I expected but honestly, it's so sick. Very grateful for Colson and Mod and anybody else who worked on it, because no matter what I've written above about not liking or understanding certain parts I did love it. It's a crime we haven't got to see these songs performed in person yet.

if you’ve read this far, hi :)

also if you want to talk about it drop me a message