What A Time To Be A Batman Fan
We have Bruce abusing his kids. Again.
Batwoman is getting a shitty CW t.v. show where one of the most devout Jewish characters is played by a gentile.
Tom King. Just, Tom fucking King.
The whole goddamn BatCat wedding bullshit.
Talia al Ghul has become a one dimensional monster. Gee, thanks Morrison!
Selina’s getting a push! Yay! And she’s friends with Lois! Yay! Except, you know, for the fact that both characters come off as shallow parodies of themselves.
Feminists alleging that most of the push-back against Pattinson as Bats is from guys who don’t like a movie targeted towards teenage girls... ignoring that the Twilight series is an anti-feminist screed that demonizes women, sex, abortion, fetishizes First Nations people and is filled with some of the vilest characters ever to grace a page... as our protagonists!
Ben Affleck... ever, being involved in the Batman franchise.
Allegedly, this new Batman movie is going to have half-a-dozen villains in it. Because losing Bats in the movie or having too many villains has never been a criticism of Batman movies ever.
Yeah, apparently Nicholas Hoult is also in the running for a role, either as Bats or the Penguin. Fuck me.
Compared to the rest of this list, Robert Pattinson being Batman is damned near a godsend. And I’ve only listed the parts that are pissing me off today. Never mind the rest of the bullshit we’ve had to put up with for years.
So! Here’s a list of some of the things I want from Batman:
No more asshole!Batman. Driven and intense is not the same thing as abusive.
Batwoman should only ever be played by queer, Jewish women. Fuck you if you think otherwise.
Get rid of Tom King.
No more of this goddamn enmity between Selina Kyle and Talia al Ghul. It’s total goddamn bullshit and deeply antithetical to both characters.
Give Batman his sense of humour back. Especially if you’re going to cast Robert Pattinson, a man who made his fame by belittling his fans.
Talia is, officially, Arabic with some Chinese. Her first name indicates some Hebrew heritage as well. Maybe you could find somebody actually from the fucking Middle East to play her?
On that note, it’s pronounced R?os. There’s a glottal stop in there, it’s not ‘raysh’ or ‘rozz’. Or ‘razz’.
Also on the Talia note, Selina is canonically Latina. It can’t be hard to find an actual fucking Latina to play her.
Positive and health relationships with his son’s, please. And the rest of the League, for that matter. And Alfred.
No more pretty!Penguin. Or, for that matter, evilmutant!Penguin. For fuck’s sake, people, he’s an ordinary, albeit ugly, crime boss. That’s it.
Tone down the Joker.
Keep Selina’s friendship with Lois, yes. But expand it, too. Selina should be friends with all the Batladies.
Same with Talia.
No more goddamn Batjokes innuendos. If you want to make Batman gay or bi or pan or whatever, then go right the fuck ahead. But for fuck’s sake, give the man a healthy relationship.
On that note, no more of this fucking around with Bruce’s romantic relationships. Talia got turned into a rapist. The BatCat wedding remains one of the nastiest bate and switches ever pulled off. Everything else is either a one-night stand or the woman is evil. Grow a pair (of what, I leave to you. Braincells would be my recommendation) and either marry Bruce off or make him ace and have fucking done.
Thank you and goodnight.
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