#exact same Tony/Peter theme I always write

[thestarkerisobvious]

OKAY I DID IT I WROTE THE THING I might publish it tonight

its so shiddy when u have to convince yourself to do your hobbies. like, its fun, you like it, why cant you just do it. do it. do it. but what if.... mindless media consumption instead....

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

·         Did it ever occur to OP that the reason that people say the exact same shit whenever Spidey comes up in the media is because the exact same problems keep appearing!

·         Yes people COMPLAIN about the exact same shit....because there is continuously the exact same problem warranting complaint.

·         ‘People going into MCU Spidey movies don’t understand what they want from the MCU version’. Wow. Just...wow. Elitist much? Condescending much? Holy shit. It’s fairly simple what people want. They want to be entertained by a rendition of the character that is on a spiritual level fundamentally respectful of the character and his original intentions. Case in point, MCU Captain America has differences from the comic books, Bucky for example was his teen sidekick not his BFF of the same age. But that didn’t matter because the biggest point was Bucky was still his best friend in both versions and his death still rocked him. Iron Dad and Iron Man Junior is proveably against that original spirit for the character because Spider-Man was created specifically to NOT have that kind of dynamic at all but be independent. He can interact with other heroes, there was even a whole comic book dedicated to that. But he was nobody’s junior. He didn’t answer to anyone. He wasn’t being written to resemble any other superhero. Oh and another teeny tiny thing that’s part of the spirit of Spider-Man? Uncle Ben is his Dad. Tony Stark isn’t Uncle Ben.

·         Also nice research there buddy. ‘Spider-Man has been a character for over 60 years now’ I get you were not 100% on it. But you couldn’t even quickly google the year he was created? 1962. He’s 56 going on 57.

·         Yes. Spider-Man has had many different interpretations and versions. That’s not an excuse to do anything. There is a reason some of those interpretations and versions WERE BAD! I honestly cannot fathom this thinking ‘This happened in the past therefore it’s okay for it to happen again’. Okay cool so it’d be fine and dandy if Spider-Man was revealed to be a clone then smacked his pregnant wife around would it? It’d be fine if he was stranded on another planet ruled by furries would it? Why not. That’s an interpretation of Spider-Man right? Oh wait no they aren’t that is why the word ‘MISinterpretation’ exists

·         The reason fanboys and fangirls (I will give it to him at least he didn’t pretend fangirls don’t exist and that only men could be the problem) say MCU Spidey isn’t right is because he literally isn’t. Characters aren’t playdough, you can’t contort them into any and every shape and still call it the character

·         Also how messed up do you have to be to subtextually imply that no one complained abut any version of Spider-Man before the MCU. As if people didn’t complain about the Nick Hammond TV show or Spider-Man Unlimited

·         ‘What even is right’. Right is anything that respects the fundamental defining concept and themes of the character as originally envisioned. I.e. a grounded, relatively realistic super hero with relatable problems who was smart, in poor financial shape, his own man s a superhero and fundamentally driven by responsibility and guilt stemming from his father figure’s death that he could’ve prevented had he used his powers altruistically and not selfishly. That’s it. That’s what’s right. That allows plenty of room for interpretation but it also defines a fundamental bedrock to respect

·         Spider-Verse isn’t a comment on every interpretation of Spider-Man. it’s saying anyone can be Spider-Man, as in we all have the capacity to be heroes and use whatever power we have responsibility to help others.  So...who missed the point again?

·         This also pretends like every character in that movie is an interpretation of Spider-Man. They aren’t. They are altered versions that deliberately exist within the context of audience familiarity. Spider-Man: Noir is not an interpretation of Peter Parker. He isn’t someone looking at Spider-Man’s source material and saying ‘You know what is a hot take on this? A 1930s hard boiled detective kinda guy’. That’s just taking the character of Spider-Man and then overlaying traditionally Pulp//noir elements OVER him. Like you could interpret Halmet in such a way you set it in the modern day. But when you do Hamlet but he’s a teen girl in a mech suit then that’s not an interpretation, that’s an interpretation over layed with something else. Like there is a fucking reason in Spider-Verse they present you with versions of Peter Parker who ARE closer to the original version and wherein characters like Gwen and Miles were not versions of Peter Parker. Miles is his own character. Gwen is her own character. MCU Spider-Man isn’t his own character. He is supposed to be Peter Parker. And he isn’t.

·         There is a difference between a fucking Elseworlds take on Spider-Man where he is like a Medieval Knight and an adaptation of him like the Spec cartoon or the 1994 cartoon or the pre-MCU movies

·         Whether MCU Spider-Man has depth or not isn’t the discussion. I’ve not thought about it to be honest. Maybe he does have depth. But that’s not people’s problems. People’s problems is that his character (regardless of how deep it is) ISN’T Spider-Man’s character.

·         Wait what? MCU Spider-Man has depth it’s just less obvious than in the older movies because they are focussing upon reintroducing him....huh? Putting aside how character depth is something you usually always focus on...why focus on reintroducing a character we already know over making him a character of depth? We already know who he is. Isn’t that why we didn’t do the origin again

·         ‘MCU Spider-Man’s depth comes from being Iron man’s understudy and Iron Man is now dead’ Yes...and that is the problem. Because Spider-Man was created to NOT be anyone’s understudy

·         ‘We are going to see how Peter responded Uncle Ben through the lens of Tony Stark’....wtf is this guy talking about? WTF does that even mean? Tony could never be portrayed even metaphorically as ‘that Uncle Ben figure’ for Peter because the whole conceit about Uncle Ben’s death and it’s impact on Spider-Man was that IT WAS PETER’S FAULT! Tony’s death WASN’T Peter’s fault. Not to mention Tony wasn’t his Dad! Uncle Ben was. Like how broken does your understanding of Spider-Man have to be that you honestly think that Spider-Man simply responding to any loved one dying is the deal with Uncle Ben.

·         We don’t know if Peter will be literally Iron Man Junior by the end of the movie. But the objections are that at any point in this movie  the idea of Peter being Iron Man Junior is a defining part of his story because that actively has no place in Spider-Man’s story! It’s literally against THE POINT of his character!

·         ‘The movie’s message is going to be that he doesn’t need to be Iron Man but Spider-Man?’ According to what? Maybe that will be the message the movie sends but the OP hasn’t seen the movie and couldn’t therefore know that. all we have are the trailers and the trailers don’t say that at all. They have Happy telling Peter Tony died knowing he’d be there to pick up the pieces. Peter saying the world needs the next iron man. Fury asking if he’s going to step up to fill Tony’s shoes. That’s the OPPOSITE of the message OP is alleging the movie will have

·         ‘If it’s MCU Spider-Man then it’s not the real Spider-Man’....yeah....no lies detected

·         ‘There is no such thing as the real Spider-Man’ Gerry Conway, Steve Ditko and Stan Lee would disagree. Real Spider-Man is the original Spider-Man. how could he not be when it’s the version every other version comes from and bases itself on to some extent. The version that made him popular. Also that’s not the issue. It’s not the issue that people are complaining it isn’t 1:1 the same as the comics but that it violates THE POINT of the comic book version!

·         ‘There is no definitive Spider-Man’ say OP over an image of the single most iconic Spider-Man story of all time written and drawn by his original creators

·         ‘My interpretation of Spider-Man is different to your interpretation’...Jesus.....there is a reason the word ‘misinterpretation’ exists. An interpretation can be wrong. And other interpretations are only as valid as the evidence you can bring to bear in support of them. If you write Hamlet like Macbeth you’ve misinterpreted Hamlet. If you argue Macbeth saw Banquo’s literal ghost or it was all in his head both are valid interpretations, but arguing it was aliens holographically projecting Banquo’s ghost into his head is not because there is no evidence supporting that

·         So whilst we might all have different interpretations of Spider-Man that doesn’t mean we are all right. E.g. when OP says he thinks the MCU movies have the essence of Spider-Man he is essentially admitting he doesn’t know what the fuck the essence of Spider-Man is

·         ‘Maybe just let go of things’ Oh fuck off. This rendition of Spider-Man causes problems within the fandom because Marvel imposes upon other versions of the character (including the original version) elements from that version. They contort those other versions. And it’s disrespectful to the original fanbase who made Spider-Man popular enough to WARRANT him appearing in movies in the first place. We supported a character who represented a particular philosophy and side of the human experience and that made the brand successful enough to be turned into a movie which was then contorted to be nothing like that.

·         Imagine being so deluded that you say that people who dislike MCU Spider-Man because he goes against the essence of the original character are not in the same group as those who do not ‘genuinely’ like this version of the character

·         Plenty of people are willing to accept a new interpretation of Spider-Man. Most Spider-man fans enjoyed the Raimi movie which was a new interpretation. Most fans loved Into the Spider-Verse. Most fans loved the ps4 video game which was in fact based upon stories most fans didn’t even like. But there is a line in the sand between a new interpretation and ‘this is literally just the character in name only’. That line in the sand is the point where Peter Parker (aside from the visuals) is based upon Miles Morales, has Iron Man in place of Uncle Ben and is akin to his sidekick

·         People don’t have a rigid structured mentality towards Spider-Man. they literally just want ‘normal kid, nobody’s sidekick, uncle ben is his dead Dad, great power=great responsibility’ respected. That’s it. that’s all. Nobody is demanding that Peter live in the 1960s. Nobody is saying Peter shouldn’t interact with other superheroes. They are simply saying ‘can you maybe respect the defining themes of this character, the entire point behind his creation please’. Like if they created a version of Punisher who doesn’t kill, is never implied to kill and is motivated to reform criminals would you be saying you are just too rigid to enjoy that interpretation because Punisher isn’t murdering criminals

·         Imagine being so delusional you think Venom is a version of Spider-Man instead of you know...Venom

·         The OP’s problem is that he is treat the mere existence of ANY version of Spider-Man as valid versions. They aren’t. I loved Venom but it was aweful. It was an aweful take on Venom and if you treat it as a version of Spider-Man it was even worse.

·         Imagine being so up yourself you declare people wanting Spider-Man to be...like Spider-Man...as ‘whining’.

·         It boils down to this. The argument OP is making is that every interpretation is valid, Spider-Man can be anything. Which is another way of saying....Spider-Man is nothing.

·         ‘Just accept new interpretations’ I don’t accept crap and neither should you.

·         How the fuck is someone saying they dislike MCU Spider-Man because it violates the spirit of the character NOT them saying ‘it’s not my cup of tea’

[hughiecampbelle]

Clairvoyance (Marvel Drabble)

Character/s: Scott, Natasha, Peter, Gamora, Stephen, Thor, James, Bucky, Wanda, Drax, T'challa, Steve, Tony

Word Count: 637

Tag List: @cantankerousintrovertedpumpkin @hypsiacrobasiphobia @way-obsessed-5

A/N: This is somerhing that's been sitting in my "writers block" folder for a few months. It's not really what I typically write, I think, which made me a little scared to share, but rereading it and adding to it made me less afraid. I hope you like it! Feedback is always appreciated! 💜

Knowing the end of the story before it began became a burden.

You weren't sure who those people were, their names a total disconnect. Old faces, familiar ones, but those were from Earth, from your lifetime. These were not them. Aliens, creatures, science experiments, inheriting titles: brother, sister, friend, lover, aunt, dad. People. People who would die. All of them. Not in the inevitable kind of way. This was too soon, as all are, by the hands, the snap, of something else. You watched it in your sleep, awake, every time you closed your eyes. They had no idea what was coming to them. There were holes in the plot, the story, but you saw them, the few.

These names were faceless, emotionless. Others created a facade, a false narrative. Classmates, past relationships, one night stands you only caught the names of, stealing the lives of others to better explain themselves, their actions. Scott. All strangers, you knew that, ones who took identities to connect themselves to you. Natasha. Sewed together through memory. They were all people in and out of your life, their presence mere seconds in the scheme of it all. Maybe you used to care about them, maybe not at all.

Something about them made you hurt, like nothing had before. Their names burned their way into your skin, red, bloody, to the bone. Peter. They drove you into madness. Gamora. Everywhere you went you saw them, felt them. Stephen. Their hands on your shoulder when you were lonely, pushing you forward when you found yourself stuck, pulling you back when you ran from them. Their screams, their laughs, a symphony, the theme song of your everyday life. Thor. Escape was impossible.

As time went on, you caught glimpses at their characteristics, humanizing them. Tired brown eyes. A crown. Stubble. Youthful smile. Green skin. A prosthetic. The list was endless. James. You would see them. Everywhere. In others. Strangers in the street, they could have walked past you, and you would have never known. Caught staring on the train, the street, anyone who reminded you of them, waiting for things to click, for one to distinguish themselves. Bucky. To run to you, tell you the rest of their story, expose themselves and make it all make sense. Instead, they walked past you. Down the street, the sidewalk, as if you were the figment of their imagination.

Weeks turned into months. The ghosts haunted you. Slammed doors. Banged on the walls. Their footsteps pounded across the floorboards. Wanda. Handprints dragged across mirrors, windows, leaving tiny imprints of themselves wherever they went. Drax. Some became angry, their voices stolen, sick of all the hints they'd given you with little results. T'challa. Dying each night went from a nightmare to routine. Steve. Same time, each night, the exact same way.

You saw that face, and you knew it too. Grainy on the screen, their names opened in your skin, left you bleeding out, crying out. Tony. A name, a clue, the hint you begged them for. The genius. A man from New York. Friends, too. The shield, the arrow, the brother, all of them. Saved the city. A new team, fresh, clean, baby faced. Not at all like the ones you saw. Aged, tired, scared.

Years. The word appeared in a whisper, there and then gone. None of them knew each other, not yet. That, their deaths, all of it, would take years. A lifetime. A warning only took a single plane ride. Busses, trains, walking, you'd find your way there. Explain what plagued your dreams, do everything to make them listen, to believe. They needed this, a chance to save themselves, a chance for a life. It was what they wanted, the ones from the dreams, the visions. They wanted to save themselves, weather they believed it or not.

[nathanneedsausername]

The MCU (So Far) Ranked

With Avengers: Endgame right around the corner now feels like a good time to talk about all 21 films that brought us to this moment.

#21 -  Thor: The Dark World (Alan Taylor) 

Rating - 3/10

Look, there always has to be one.

Thor: The Dark World suffers from the same problem that most bad comic book movies do it is simply forgettable, this is the worst type of film to write about because I have noting to say. Far from being insultingly bad but also far from being any good. Honestly if you ever plan on cramming these films again do yourself a favour and skip this one.

#20 -  The Incredible Hulk (Louis Leterrier)

Rating - 4/10

You can skip this one too. 

The Incredible Hulk is a product of its time, in the late ‘00s this was about as good as action movies not called The Dark Knight got. This one isn’t unwatchable and the bit were The Hulk kicks Tim Roth into a tree is pretty cool but given how little this film has effected the franchise going forward you really wont miss anything by skipping it.

#19 - Iron Man 2 (Jon Favreau)

Rating - 4/10

I get why they made this movie, but I’d rather they hadn’t.

Iron Man 2 is basically just a teaser trailer for the better movies that were about to come out. This movie consists of boring conversations between Tony Stark and Nick Fury and even more boring scenes with the villains that really kicked of the cliché that these movies have boring villains. The suitcase Iron Man suit is really dope though.

#18 - Ant-Man and the Wasp (Peyton Reed)

Rating - 6/10

Meh.

Ant-Man and the Wasp is actually pretty good. Paul Rudd is allowed to fully explore his comedic talent making this a very watchable film however the script lacks any focus and it is ultimately difficult to stay invested in anything happening on screen. It’s a mixed bag but it’s pretty fun.

#17 - Thor (Kenneth Branagh)

Rating - 6/10

Kenneth Branagh made a super-hero movie, this is about as good as that idea could ever have been.

Thor is a surprisingly small movie, revisiting this film now feels slightly strange given what we have since seen of the character. Branagh was always the wrong choice to direct a Marvel movie especially during a time were the studio had far more say than any of their filmmakers. It’s worth revising this film to set up the Avengers but other than that it isn’t anything special.

#16 - Avengers: Age of Ultron (Joss Whedon)

Rating - 6/10

It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that this movie is just ok.

Avengers: Age of Ultron should be so much better than it is but it ended up being the poster child for when a studio gets cold feet and tries to take over on directors vision. Joss Whedon is an excellent story teller but this does not so off his talents at all. Once again this certainly isn’t a bad film it just isn’t great, there is some good dialogue and the introduction of both Scarlet Witch and Vision is worth seeing.

#15 - Captain America: The First Avenger (Joe Johnston)

Rating - 7/10

Way more camp than I remember .

Captain America: The First Avenger feels as though it has taken the framework of a more conventional war drama and just thrown in some superhero stuff and I don’t necessarily think that is a bad thing. When this film embraces its campness it can be very entertaining. Chris Evans was a prefect casting choice for Steve Rodgers and this film does go in an unexpected direction by making Captain America basically just a mascot but once again the villain is weak and large sections of the plot are forgettable. Overall worth re-watching it is probably better than you remember. 

#14 -  Captain Marvel (Ryan Fleck, Anna Boden)

Rating - 7/10

I’m sorry, I like this one.

Captain Marvel might be the most controversial film in the whole franchise. I have some grievances with this one, namely lack of any style or originality in the writing or direction but the chemistry between Brie Larson and Samuel L Jackson helps to make this an enjoyable watch. I know you probably don’t agree with me but this is my list and I like this movie, so there!

#13 - Iron Man (Jon Favreau)

Rating - 7/10

Not as great as I remember but still pretty good.

Iron Man will forever be remembered as a film that changed cinema witch is so weird to me having re-watched it recently. This is a rather slow and somewhat  cliché 2000s action flick with a paper-thin plot. Robert Downey Jr. and Jeff Bridges both give it their all and I have nothing but respect for Jon Favreau for turning RDJ’s mad ramblings into a coherent film.

#12 - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (James Gunn)

Rating - 7/10

I’m still not sure how to take this.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is the most visually stunning film in the MCU, almost every shot could be used as a laptop wallpaper. This also has quite possibly the strongest theming as its story about fatherhood and toxic relationships can bring a tear to your eye if you let it. So it is such a shame that this film is full of jokes that just do not land and weird side plots that feel like set-ups for movies that Marvel would probably never let James Gunn make. I kinda love this movie but this is as high as I can put it on this list.

#11 -  Captain America: Civil War (Anthony Russo, Joe Russo)

Rating - 8/10

The fight scene though!

Captain America: Civil War is one great fight scene that is all anyone ever wants to talk about. I think the rest of the movie is also pretty good, this was our first look at how the Russo brothers would handle a larger ensemble cast and every character gets the screen time they deserve. Really though the airport fight is amazing!

#10 - Doctor Strange (Scott Derrickson)

Rating - 8/10

The word Strange is in the title.

Doctor Strange has a remarkably safe plot given the source materiel, although that can all be forgiven given how amazing the visual effects are. This is a very entertaining film mainly for the creative and ingenious uses of special effects. This film can drag a bit but it is worth it to see something that gives the end of 2001 a run for its money.

#9 - Iron Man 3 (Shane Black)

Rating - 8/10

And you thought my views on Captain Marvel were controversial!

Iron Man 3 is great and I will not change my mind on that. This was the first team up between Robert Downey Jr. and screenwriter/director Shane Black since 2005′s Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and it was worth the wait. The dialogue is sharp and the plot with Tony Stark dealing with P.T.S.D. after the events of The Avengers makes for a great character study. 

I am aware that the general consensus is that the plot twist sucks but with Ben Kingsley’s fantastic performance and the wonderfully absurd way that it is reveled I can’t help but love it. In all honesty I just to big a Shane Black fan to hate this (the same logic does not apply to The Predator).

#8 - Ant-Man (Peyton Reed)

Rating - 8/10

I can only image how great the Edgar Wright version of this would have been.

Ant-Man is so much better than people give it credit for. The dialogue is constantly funny and the screenplay is paced perfectly so that the film never has a dull moment even in the quieter character scenes. Moments like the train-set fight and the first time Scott Lang uses the Ant-Man suit are among the best scenes in the whole franchise. Like most people I have to believe that the Edgar Wright version would have been better but I must say that Peyton Reed did a pretty great job piecing what he had together.  

#7 - Black Panther (Ryan Coogler)

Rating - 8/10

Marvel’s little awards season darling.

Black Panther is somehow one of the most important and talked about films of the decade and in all honesty it sort of deserves it. Coogler does what other MCU filmmakers would never do and dives head first into real world political issue, ending his film with a poignant note about free trade and open borders. Michael B. Jordan as Killmonger adds a nuance that is missing in most comic book movies. Overall Black Panther is a breath of fresh air in an over-saturated genre. 

P.S that soundtrack is awesome!

#6 - Thor: Ragnarok (Taika Waititi)

Rating - 8/10

How did this happen?

Thor: Ragnarok is everything I wanted it to be. Taika Waititi is one of the most interesting filmmakers working today and it is great to see a major studio allow such a unique voice to make the exact film that they wanted to without sacrificing their creativity. This is not only one of the best Marvel films but one of the best straight comedies of the decade. I cannot wait to see what Waititi has in store in the future.

#5 - Spider-Man: Homecoming (Jon Watts)

Rating - 8/10

Things are looking up for Spider-Man.

Spider-Man: Homecoming was my favourite Spider-Man movie up until very recently. This genuinely feels like watching an 80s John Hughes film in the 2010s that also happens to action sequences in it. The scene where Peter Parker and Adrian Toomes are in the car together is brilliantly tense and shows of the dramatic range of both Tom Holland and Michael Keaton. The characters feel real and fleshed out and the breezy feel of the editing brings the world to life through the naive eyes of a young Peter Parker. I honestly can’t believe how good this ended up being.

#4 - Avengers: Infinity War (Joe Russo, Anthony Russo)

Rating - 9/10

This simply should not have worked.

Avengers: Infinity War is one of the most ambitious films in cinema history. I have so much respect for the Russo brothers for managing to make a film with this many characters and this many plot points feels cohesive and endlessly entertaining. I think the real triumph of Infinity War is how watchable and fun this movie is despite being 2 1/2 hours long, full of characters and constantly hitting you in the face with really depressing stuff. Let’s hope that the Russo brothers can pull of the same trick twice. 

#3 - The Avengers (Joss Whedon)

Rating - 9/10

This movie isn’t given enough credit anyone.

The Avengers was a huge gamble back in 2012 and although it may now feel quaint given the achievement that was last year’s Infinity War Joss Whedon was able change the landscape of blockbuster cinema and make this whole thing possible. Almost every plot point in this film has since become cliché, Whedon and Feige laid out a blueprint for success that no one else has been able to copy since. The Joss Whedon humour and snarky dialogue  helped to pave the way that these characters would interact in the future and his unique approach to  utilizing an ensemble cast makes this film worth revisiting over and over again.  

#2 -  Guardians of the Galaxy (James Gunn)

Rating - 9/10

James Gunn hit the mainstream with a movie about a talking raccoon, I can never complain about the Hollywood system ever again.

Guardians of the Galaxy should not work on most levels but Gunn was just crazy enough to pull it off. The character interactions here rival the Wheadon penned interactions in The Avengers and the Gunn’s direction brings the strange worlds he has created to live in striking ways. Gunn was given a chance to showcase his humour and he ran with it, Guardians goes from dark and meandering to fun and rapidly paced within seconds and it is a complete joy to watch no matter how many times you have seen it.

#1 - Captain America: The Winter Soldier (Joe Russo, Anthony Russo)

Rating - 9/10

The Russo brothers came out swinging.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier is an entertaining, tightly directed, brilliantly acted, fast paced and well edited action film that just so happens to be a squeal to the First Avenger. Many of the best moments in the franchise are in this film including the elevator scene and the fight on the bridge, this film also has great character interactions especially with Steve Rodgers and Nick Fury. This feels like an update on classic James Bond stories with a modern edge, this is everything that a comic book movie could be and I highly recommend checking it out again if you haven’t seen it in a while. There is no question that The Winter Soldier is the best of the MCU.

Franchise Rating - 7.1/10

Nathan Needs A Username’s Must See Movies: https://letterboxd.com/nathan_r_l/list/nathan-needs-a-usernames-must-see-movies/

Nathan Needs A Username’s Avoid At All Cost Movies: https://letterboxd.com/nathan_r_l/list/nathan-needs-a-usernames-avoid-at-all-cost/

[desperatelyreviewingdennis]

Endgame

By basically any metric, Endgame was strictly inferior to Infinity War. It was a solid conclusion to he MCU, they wrapped things up nicely. But they really didn't meet the bar they set in the last movie. Visually, sound design, effects, all the technical aspects they nailed.  As always.  But the *story*?  The plot, the meat and bones of it?  Abysmal.  

I don’t remember *exactly* how I felt leaving Infinity War.  I know I did not like it as much as most, I felt they rushed too much into the one story, and they would have been better off with a trilogy [Guardians of the Galaxy 3 followed by Infinity War and Endgame].  I disliked Thor’s sequence in the film in particular, and thought the Snap was poorly handled because it was obviously going to be undone in the next movie so there was no emotional punch [although Peter Parker sure tried, even knowing he’s not really dead that scene stings].  Despite the flaws, though, I felt the movie was largely solid.  The writers crammed too much into one film, but most narrative threads were fully realized and the ones that weren’t have a whole nother movie to wrap up.  Upon a couple rewatches, my opinion has grown.  The tightness of it all is much more apparent, and Thor’s sequence is now my favorite in the movie, despite basically being a retread of his arc in Ragnarok. 

So maybe once I will reevaluate this once its on DVD.  But I suspect my opinion isn’t going to change.  The issues are more fundamental, and there’s no sequel planned to fix the problems.  Honestly, I wonder how much of the writing team carried over, because this movie doesn’t feel like it was the planned sequel to Infinity War.

Also, it seems clear that there was some executive meddling in places that would suggest the problems of Ms Marvel are going to carry forward.

I don’t want to say its a bad movie.  Ms Marvel was a bad movie.  Iron Man 2 was a bad movie.  For the first two thirds of the movie, it had its issues but nothing irredeemable.  And the stuff it did right it did really really right.  The last act, though, really dragged the whole thing down.

Spoilers abound after the break.

First of all, I never watched so much as a trailer for this movie. I wanted to go in completely free from assumptions. I'm glad I did, but I don't know what other people took from different scenes with that additional context.

Movie opens with Hawkeye's family getting dusted. I hate Hawkeye so that was immensely satisfying.

Next scene less so. Why did Tony and Nebula get on the damaged ship? What was their end game (no pun intended)? Not a huge deal but right off the bat I'm questioning character motives. Not a good sign.

Oh, it's because if they're on a ship it's easier for Ms Marvel to save the day. How did she find them? Was she specifically looking for Stark? Why? Nobody on Earth knew what happened with him. Was there a distress signal? Can she sense those now? Nobody knows, and we're not going to find out. The only thing we learn about Ms Marvel is that she didn't help out during the previous movies because she was busy on other planets. I mean, come on. 

The sequence between Stark and Rogers back on Earth was spot on and I loved it.  This will be a recurring theme, specific scenes being perfect with the surrounding material being crud.

They then kill Thanos and we time skip five years. That was actually pretty cool, and an unexpected turn of events.  Take notes, Rian Johnson.  My expectations were subverted but it didn't make me want to murder the Russo's. It does sort of abandon the child Gamora scenes from Infinity War.  Everybody thought that was supposed to be her actual soul in the soul stone, but the Soul Stone is now destroyed so maybe it was just Thanos being crazy?  Maybe it’ll come up later in the movie [Ron Howard: It won’t.]

Commence exposition. Couple thoughts. One, I hated Bruce Banner. The Hulk was a separate, unique personality. Banner killed him, and took over his body. We can debate the morality of it, but I just found it unsatisfying. It all happened off camera, and they never really explain why The Hulk refused to fight in Infinity War. I assumed it was because he was afraid, the Russo's claim it was because he was tired of being Banner's  lap dog. Either way, that character was killed unceremoniously during a time skip and never mentioned again.

Two, Banner’s pretty confident in how Time Travel is going to work.  Time Travel has never been a thing except with Dr Strange, and the two never sat down to discuss the subject before the later was turned to dust.   So where is his confidence coming from?  Their entire plan hinges on him being correct.  What really bugs me about this is that, with about thirty seconds of actual discussion [rather than the comic relief listing time travel movies and Banner shutting them down], they could have reached the same conclusion.  “Why don’t we prevent the snap from happening in the first place?” “Because that would be a paradox, and we don’t know how time responds to paradoxes.  Maybe we all live happily ever after, maybe time itself implodes.  But if we undo the snap in the present, we know exactly what will happen.”   But instead he just knows.  And, oh, also he’s wrong.  We figure that out later in the movie, but never really address it.  

Tony with his daughter was perfect and I loved it.  It was a little unsatisfying that he just sort of tinkered with time travel for an afternoon and figured everything out, but that’s sort of his thing so it works.

Thor... less perfect.  Look, this is the third movie in a row now that is about Thor losing everything then regaining his power.  They did it in Ragnarok.  They did it better in Infinity War.  Do they really need to do it again in End Game?  In fact, it occurs to me just now as I’m writing this that was the plot to the first Thor as well.  So this is four times now that we’ve been in this exact situation.  I’m just done with it, you know?  The scenes were funny enough, and I certainly understand *why* the character is in that place, emotionally, but being understandable is no excuse for retreading old ground.

So now we’re time traveling.  This was like 90% great, but the 10% really drags the whole thing down. 

We’ll start with the Power Stone.  Having Nebula reconnect to the interstellar wifi was inspired.  Obviously they need Thanos to figure out the plan and move to stop it, otherwise there’s no climax.  Obviously there’s no present day Thanos to do that, so it has to be past Thanos.  This also wraps up one of the nagging threads from the first movie.  Thanos has been hunting for these things for years, then just stumbles upon all of them in a couple months?  It seemed a little convenient, but now they’ve shown that he had inspiration from the future telling him exactly where he could find them all.  Just wow.  Then having past Nebula take present Nebula’s place?  I loved it.

Next, time stone.  Remember my annoyance with Banner’s overconfidence earlier?  Here Banner being told he’s full of shit, but they just sort of ignore it.  Its not that you can’t change the past, its that when you change the past you create an alternate reality, and that alternate reality might be super shitty so you shouldn’t do it.  But they hand wave it away with a promise to return the stones back to where they belong on the timeline, so that the timeline doesn’t “branch” and Banner ends up technically correct.  So it works, I’ll put this in the 90% great category.

But here’s the 10% shit: how did The Sorcerous Supreme know how great Dr. Strange was going to be? She can’t see past her own death, but she knows how powerful Strange becomes after she dies?  But she doesn’t know about the Snap, so they’re definitely sticking to the original rules, this isn’t a retcon.  But Strange is dead, so how does he know everything works out?  In fact, not only is Strange dead, the time stone is dead too.  He used the time stone to go further into the future than the time stone itself exists.  This would have been a perfect opportunity to close some loose threads, but they missed them.

Also the scene after they arrive in New York where Banner half heartedly destroys some stuff was pretty cringe.  I think they were playing it as a joke, and people in the audience definitely laughed, but it really drove home the earlier point about how they killed off The Hulk and replaced him with a Green Bruce Banner.  

Next up: Space and Mind Stones.  Talk about important McGuffins.  Studying the Tesseract lead to the creation of SHIELD and Hydra and Captain America and eventually Ms Marvel.  Studying Captain America lead to the creation of The Hulk.  The Mind Stone created Vision, Quicksilver, and the Scarlett Witch. Important stuff here.

But anyhow, 90% good.  Everything was great right up until the end.  The plan, the banter, everything worked for me.  I even loved the bit about “America’s Ass.”  I do wonder if that wasn’t a response to criticisms of Brie Larson’s ass in Ms Marvel?  Or just commentary on comics drawing attention to asses in general?  I’m not sure but I liked it.

10% shit: the plan goes sideways at the last minute, and Loki escapes with the Tesseract.  Ok, now, its been a while since I watched the first Avengers movie, but I don’t remember Loki escaping with the Tesseract?  Isn’t that exactly what Banner said can’t happen, and the Sorcerous Supreme made Banner promise he wouldn’t let happen?  A branch in he timeline?  That’s a pretty goddamn significant change in history.  But whatever, we’re never going to comment on it.  A rogue infinity stone, in the hands of a crazy person, NBD.

So Stark and Rogers go further into the past to steal the Tesseract from SHIELD before Loki could steal it from Rogers stealing it from Hydra stealing it from the Avengers.  No complaints here, Some nice foreshadowing for Rogers, and Stark gets closure with his father.  It was great.

Finally, Soul Stone.  Look, I have always hated Hawkeye, since the first Thor, and love Black Widow so that’s all I have to say about that.  Except that Nat doesn’t get the sort of closure Stark and Rogers do.  Can’t really blame the writers on this one, they didn’t have a lot to work with, but its still disappointing.  At least it wasn’t a pointless death and her and Barton got some time together. 

Finally: the Ether/Reality Stone.  This was just an extension of the previous “we’ve covered this already why is this here?” issue around Thor.  Him getting Mjolnir was pretty tight, though, not gonna lie.  

So now we’re back in the present, we have all the Stones and past Nebula has infiltrated the group.  First of all: this would have been a great place for an Intermission.  Like, seriously, There are literally no dangling story lines, everything’s come back together to one location, and you’ve got a couple minutes of downtime before the action starts anyhow.  Just give people ten minutes to piss, please.

First of all, how did Past Nebula bring an entire fucking battle ship into the present?  Like, they had just enough Pym Particles to get their team back once.  Sure, they picked up some extras but she couldn’t have been expecting that, and the memories she got from Present Nebula should have made that clear.  So what was her end game (no pun intended)?  And if they could send a ship full of people all at once, why didn’t the Avengers do that?  Take the entire team back at once, leaving themselves with eight more doses if they fail.  

Moving on, the scene were they use the stone worked for me, given what they’ve done so far.  Specifically, with respect to the Hulk.  But bear with me here: what if they hadn’t fucked up the Hulk?  Imagine a movie where Banner doesn’t kill a character off camera.  He’s just a regular guy the entire movie.  Maybe they ask him if he still has issues with Hulking out and he says “no, I guess he got tired of cleaning up my messes so now he refuses to come out even when I need him to.”  Then, as Thor is about to don the glove, Banner transforms and everybody is certain he’s about to ruin everything when he puts the glove on himself and snaps his fingers.  After, his body is still green but its Bruce talking.  He doesn’t sense the Hulk inside him anymore.  He sacrificed himself because he knew he could do it and Thor couldn’t.

Just a thought.  As I said, the scene works as it is.

We establish the plan works, then suddenly THANOS.  Opportunity #2 for an intermission.  They launch the barrage of missiles, then fade to black, see you in ten minutes.  Would have been epic.

So we get a nice, super satisfying scene with the three original Avengers fighting Thanos.  Thor is fucking dual wielding, yes please.  And the scene where Steve catches Mjolnir?  I was literally hard.  But Thanos is even more powerful than he was in Infinity War.  Remember Infinity War, that movie a YEAR OLD written and directed by THE SAME PEOPLE?  In that one, Stark went toe to toe with Thanos in control of the Infinity Stones and held his own.  In this one, Thanos has no problem taking down a dual wielding Thor, and literally destroys Cap’s Shield without even the use of the Power Stone.  Its just... blah.  

Now, when things are at their worse: MAGIC.  Literally, Dr Strange uses magic to save the day.  Its not a complaint, its just what happens.  Again, SUPER satisfying.  But lots of things stick out.  One, half the Wakandan army just woke up from being dusted.  As far as they’re concerned its been like half an hour since Infinity War, but they’re all in pretty good shape.  Even if you assume the Wakandan army was made up of survivors, they sure mobilized quickly.  That’s impressive.  Two, where did Valkyrie get a fucking Pegasus?  They’re all dead, remember?  Hela killed them thousands of years ago, it was kind of a big deal.  Yeah, neat scene, loved seeing it, but it doesn't belong.  Third, Pepper Potts shows up.  She abandoned her five year old child to fight alongside Tony.  I get there’s an end of the world argument to be made, but it still doesn’t seem in character.  Both for her to do it, and for Tony to not call her out for it.

Still, nice satisfying fight scene.  Things still kind of go south, though, they just can’t seem to beat Thanos’s army.  Wouldn’t it be convenient if a flying god were to show up for no reason and destroy the battleship causing all the trouble?  That would be convenient, but they’re better writers than that. [Ron Howard: they were not]

To add insult to injury, they literally divide the heroes by sex and have a scene where all the women are together launching an attack.  It wasn’t even like a natural progression of the battle, where the women are thrown together.  Just the one shot of all them showing up for no reason.  

There was no corresponding scene with the male heroes.  

But I’m sure that’s just a coincidence and they weren’t pandering for woke points.

At one point Thanos grabs the Power Stone with his bare hands and uses it to blast somebody [I think Ms Marvel but I don’t remember].  He doesn’t appear to suffer any ill affects, 

Finally, Tony Stark’s big moment.  People were literally weeping in the theater.  I loved it so much.  It was honestly perfect.  Killing everybody wasn’t what I expected, I thought they’d be sent back to the past to preserve the timeline or whatever, but this way it mirrored the end of Infinity War so thematically this works better.

Everything after that was basically shit.

First of all, this movie suffers from a serious case of Return of the King Syndrome.  There was like half an hour of movie left after Thanos died the second time.  Christ.

Past Gamora might or might not still be alive in the present?  She kicks Star Lord in the nuts then kind of vanishes.  There’s no reason to assume Tony’s snap wouldn’t have killed her along with the rest of the past army, but they also didn’t resurrect Present Gamora so she probably survived for Guardians 3. Starlord is using the computer to search for her at the end, but Thor keeps trying to stop him because I guess he’s a prick now?

Also Thor retires.  Just quits.  Names Valkyrie Queen of the Asgardians.  That’s the conclusion of his story.  He just goes off to find himself, gonna spend some time with the Guardians of the Galaxy see where life takes him. Because that’s satisfying.

They still have to return the infinity stones, along with Mjolnir.  Rogers gets to do the honors, and he makes it pretty clear to everybody that he’s saying his goodbyes.  Somehow, nobody notices, and everybody’s super surprised when he doesn’t come back after.  Apparently, he choses to return to the 40s and live out his life with Peggy.  I liked this, it was a satisfying conclusion to his story.  He found a way back to the love of his life.  Nice.

Here’s what’s not nice.  Bucky and Falcon see old Steve sitting near by.  Bucky, Steve’s childhood friend who owes his life to the fact Steve never stopped believing in him, sends Falcon over to talk to him.  Because...I don’t fucking know.  Why didn’t they both just go talk to him?  Why didn’t they call over Bruce, who was standing right there trying to figure out what went wrong?  No, its Falcon’s time.

But more importantly: HOW IS STEVE THERE?  You can’t change the past.  Bruce tells us that.  The Sorcerous Supreme shows us that changes in the past create alternate timelines leaving the original in tact.  They pulled Thanos into the present and killed him before he could collect the Infinity Stones, but the snap still happened.  Present Nebula shot Past Nebula in the heart but didn’t wink out of existence. 

But somehow, when Steve goes into the past, he doesn’t create an alternate timeline where Captain America survives the war. He just inserted himself into the prime timeline, and waited until he had a chance to say hi to his old friend Falcon.

Oh, also he had a second Shield made at some point? 

Look, I liked Steve’s story.  I liked that they passed on the title to Falcon, a nice nod to the source material.  I’m thrilled that Peggy got the dance he promised her all those years ago.  But that scene ruined the core premise behind the entire movie.  Time Travel stories are hard, but if you agree on how they work and stick to those rules its fine.  This movie did neither.

Also: how did Steve return the Soul Stone? How shocked was he to discover the stone was guarded by Red Skull?  Did he just drop it off the cliff and hope the ancient magic would handle the rest? Will Thanos still have to sacrifice Gamora or does Nat’s sacrifice still count?

There’s other issues.  Ms Marvel and Wanda both just sort of vanish.  Wanda especially should have gotten more story, but they just gave her one angry woman scene then she was forgotten about.  They sort of gloss over the massive issues they’d have faced with half the population dead.  They show one overgrown neighborhood, but by and large everything seems to be exactly the same as it was pre-snap.  Just with everybody sadder.  We never see Rocket meet a racoon.  Hawkeye was in the movie.  Nothing really huge.

So that’s all I have to say about that.  Thank you for coming to my TED talk.