#except 1 where we drove through it

[z0mbiefrank]

MCR5 Theory: Secretary Gerard is a character called The Widow

I'm unsure if everyone is thinking along the same lines, but I have yet to see anyone talk about it, so I've put together this post with evidence and links. (this will expand on the 9/11 theory. also special shout out to @autistme who made a spreadsheet with all the aus eagles lyrics) MCR performed Eagles at all six Australia shows this tour. At five of them, Gerard was dressed in a grey suit and skirt, commonly referred to as the secretary or office lady by fans.

(📷 Dough Peters) Here's a quick reference table for the things I will be talking about here. (Not necessary to read, I will explain it all)

At Brisbane, the drumheads read "everything under control" followed by "here comes the airplane". The planes have yet to hit the towers, but disaster is imminent. Eagles has evolved a lot over the tour but the Aus dates heard a new consistent change in the first verse.

All along the river bends All along with all my friends Yes, all around the river bends All together with my friends

There is minimal change for Brisbane 2. Notice how gerard is dressed as the secretary and says "my friends".

Next comes Melbourne 1. The drumhead reads "TErrOR". The plane has hit and there is a dramatic change to the first verse.

All night long the widow sends Valentines to bitter friends Yes, all night long the widow sends Valentines to all my friends

This character with friends now has a title, and it is The Widow. She has lost her husband in the attack. Her friends survived and she is sending them letters of love during this terrible time.

Melbourne 2, Gerard breaks the outfit chain. He is wearing jeans and a t-shirt, there is no hint of office wear, he is no longer playing the widow, he is playing himself. The drumhead also seems unrelated to 9/11 "BARK BARK BARK". They sing the same first verse as the previous night with minimal change, except for the last line

Valentines to all her friends

This is the only instance where Gerard does not refer to the friends as "my friends" at all during aus eagles, and it is because they weren't in the skirt suit that night, they were not the widow.

Next comes Sydney. The Widow is back and she's covered in blood! Something awful has happened to her, she's dying. But the drumhead reads "UNKILLAbLe". (This was written by Frank, an extremely powerful thing for him to do considering his accident in Sydney and PTSD. MCR has always used concept albums as a vessel to speak of things the band has been through.) The widow continues to write her letters during eagles despite the blood on her face.

(📷 Jess Gleeson) Sydney 2. The Widow again. She is in the exact same outfit, down to her boots (sports mode), but this time she is not only covered in blood but her eyes are WHITE. She is dead! The drumhead now reads "Unkillables", this is no longer specifically just one, but multiple people. It could be mcr as a band, mcr as individuals, or mcr fans themselves. In the context of a concept album, unkillables can take on a whole new meaning. It brings to mind the supernatural, ghouls, vampires, werewolves. How is it that the widow is dead, yet she is walking on stage right in front of us? Staring at us with blank eyes on the big screen? Is she a ghost, a zombie? I'm not sure. But she is still the widow. Even in death, she is searching for her husband.

(📷 ashymcr , expiiredglitter)

Which leads me to Summertime. The piece of evidence that drove me to write this long-ass post. As we know, it is a love song about Gerard's marital partner. Before they played, Gerard spoke in a breathy and musically haunting voice "I'll find you. I'll find you. come find me." Definitely something a lost and ghostly widow would say. They also bring out a white handkerchief, they do not have it in any other songs. Throughout the performance, Gerard clutched it to their chest repeatedly and held it lovingly in both hands.

In the third picture, he is looking down sadly at the handkerchief singing the line "If you stay, I would even wait all night." (video)

This is very clearly The Widow. She is mourning her husband, she is dead, lost and searching for him. Perhaps the handkerchief is all she has left of him, or it is simply to dry her tears, but she is clearly in mourning for her marital partner.

And finally, Eagles at Sydney 2. The first verse stays the same except for the third line. "Yes, all night long the widow sends" becomes

Yes, all day long the widow sends

She is writing night and day. She does not rest. Her outfits in Sydney are exactly the same. Every single other secretary's outfit is subtlely different, but now she is dead, she is stuck in the same clothing like a ghost. The Widow also makes an appearance later in the song.

We found the widow And hit her with a baseball bat

I have less ideas of what this could be about, but I think if some dead lady was walking about being unkillable, people would get freaked and attack her with a baseball bat. The concept of "unkillables" is something I could write a whole other post about but I'll spare you for now.

To conclude, I think The Widow as a concept album character would fit right in with MCR. They are no strangers to lovers separated by death. Others on here have spoken on how the feminine outfits Gerard has chosen this tour have often been of women scorned or living in the shadows of powerful men. I believe The Widow would fit right in. Even after her husband has died, she is only talked about in reference to him. She is The Widow, something that tells us more about her husband than herself.

[leviismybby]

Flashbacks pt.3

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x fem!reader

Warnings: NSFW 18+, mdni, oral f! receiving, fingering, multiple orgasms, creampie, cockwarming, praise, shower sex...yeah I got carried away...

A/N: This was supposed to be the last part but I might just do another one if I feel like it...and I'm sorry I kept you guys waiting...

Part 1

Part 2

You close his office door and lock it. His back is turned on you so you aren't sure what kind of emotion his eyes hold.

"Do you regret it?" Those are the first words that leave your mouth. Levi turns around, unsure of why that question makes him think.

Does he regret it? No. No, he doesn't, he wouldn't have had you here in his office if he did. Yet he doesn't know how to answer that question, he regrets letting you through those brick walls of his heart. With each look you remove one of the bricks, getting closer and closer to him.

For the world he lives in, he might even think that it's a trap. You're in front of him now, standing anxiously waiting for his answer, but you could be laying on the muddy grass covered in blood.

It wasn't smart to get attached to you, Levi isn't much of a romantic, he doesn't know how to handle basic affection so he expresses his feeling for you through sex. He had hoped that they would go away after that night but he proved himself wrong.

After it was done he should've just told you to go, to get out of his office instead he held you in his arms almost the entire night. You slept curled up on his chest as he brushed your back with his hand. That's not a gesture someone who is just there for sex does, at least not what he does.

Well, to be honest, he isn't sure what he is doing, he has never felt this about a person and it terrifies him that it might be love. Him in love? Imagine the disaster if the others found out.

Beneath the stoic persona and cold approach, lies a man. Just a man like any other. And Levi feels safe with you because ever since you joined, you treated him as an equal.

His background drove many away, a child who grew up a criminal in the underground, many found that unappealing until he met you. You didn't seem to care all that much about how strong he was or where he came from.

You saw him as a human before his strength. Maybe that's why he trusts you this much.

Levi turns around and walks over to you. "I don't do things I will regret name." Cold pads of his fingers trace your cheek, his eyes watch your face softly waiting for you to say something, anything.

When nothing leaves your mouth, Levi has no other choice but to ask you the same question. "And you? Do you regret what happened?"

"No. Not a single minute." You put your hand over the one that's on your cheek. "I can't stop thinking about you, I know I shouldn't feel this about my captain but...."

Levi appreciates that you were able to express your feelings like this because he knows that he can never do that himself.

"But it isn't going away no matter how hard I try to tell myself that you are out of reach to me. All I think about is your lips and your hands all over my body. And your grey eyes when they look deep into mine. I shouldn't think about this..."

We both shouldn't. Levi thinks. He feels the same way about you except he won't tell you that. If he does that means that he is admitting his feelings for you and he can't do that. Not in this shit hole.

Love is free it's affordable to anyone and yet he has only seen it end with the biggest price. Everyone he ever loved is dead and those who aren't are a grim reminder to Levi that it can happen again. He can lose it all.

His hand falls away from your face to his side, did he get too attached to you? Probably. Will he stop getting attached? Not a chance. He had time to distance himself and he didn't, too weak to do so.

"This isn't smart.." Levi moves his head closer to yours and you wrap your arms around his neck. "I know."

"And we shouldn't be doing it."

"I know that too."

He pulls you in for a kiss, it's slow, deep. Feels more passionate than the previous ones but you don't think too much into it. Again, it's sex, just sex. Despite the feelings between you two, there has to be that barrier, it's for your own good.

Your hands wander around his top, slowly unbuttoning it, you pull the white blouse off his shoulders and it falls onto the floor. Your fingers trace his upper body gently, going up and down his muscled chest, years of training clearly paid off for him.

Levi lets you have your hands on him for a little longer before stopping your hands and bringing them behind your back, holding them in place.

"Tell me.." He dives his head into your neck, not touching the skin with his lips instead hovering over it so that you can feel his hot breath on your neck. "Do you touch yourself while thinking of me?"

That was one question that Levi needed to know before he had you naked in front of him again. Do you drive yourself mad thinking about him like he does thinking about you?

"I do." At the moment you're not even ashamed to admit it, too drunk on him to care. "I see.." He releases your wrists before taking off your scout jacket, his fingers start working on the straps of your odm gear. You follow his movements with your eyes, they are somewhat eager, last time he took them off painfully slow but now that he knows what lies beneath those layers of fabric, he can't wait.

Once the straps are loose enough, he pulls the straps down and kneels to take off your boots. When he is done, he points his head towards his sofa. "Show me."

You oblige making your way to his sofa with a blush creeping up your cheeks. Levi pulls one of the chairs out, sitting on it with his legs open and his arms crossed over his chest, waiting for you to start.

Slowly you take your pants off as his eyes linger on your bare legs, he is somehow proud of the marks he left behind. How does he get you like this? Fuck, you would do anything he asks for. When you are left in your underwear you go on to take your turtleneck off but Levi shakes his head.

"No no. The shirt stays on." You aren't exactly sure on why he wants it on but you listen to him, hand slowly making its way past your stomach to your underwear.

"Don't take your underwear off. That will be my job." Levi isn't moving his body an inch however his eyes are devouring you, breaking your confidence down one by one. You somewhat thought you had the power, you are the one who can deny him the view but you can't. Not when he is looking at you like that.

Slipping your hand into your underwear, you shiver slightly at the coldness of your fingertips. You slowly start rubbing your clit, teeth sinking into your bottom lip, thighs spreading even more for Levi.

He is enjoying it, the sight of you spread half-naked in front of him like this will always be imprinted into his brain. "Good girl, go a little faster for me."

His cock is starting to strain against his pants but he is too focused on you to care about it now. There will be time for that later when he will have you begging for it.

Your fingers rub faster, a whine surpassing your lips. His eyes are shamelessly looking at your hand as it moves, even if the fabric is covering you from him, the wet spot on your panties has him locked.

Levi didn't even touch you and you're dripping just from his eyes alone and he indulges in it, the fact that that's the kind of effect he has on your body.

You speed up your movements even more, the wet sounds reaching Levis eras and he almost moans himself at the sound. "Put one finger in for me. It's clear that you're desperate." His voice is demanding just line when he is giving orders, except his tone is a little softer.

You do as he says, finger slipping past your walls making you throw your head back, your free hand reaches to squeeze your breast.

"Does that feel good?" He asks, his pose still the same as it was when he sat on that chair. The bulge in his trousers is obvious and that makes you even wetter. You aren't touching each other but still manage to do this to one another.

"No." What you say isn't a lie, his eyes on your body feel good and the words he says. Your fingers almost aren't doing anything, they feel fine but never as good as he can make you feel.

"No? How so?" He is playing mind games with you, to see how far he can push you. Levi is aware that your fingers don't even compare to his but he still wants to hear you say it.

"They aren't your fingers or tongue." You admit to him so easily, it doesn't even cross your mind at how hopeless you sound. So full of need for him. The marks that paint his skin make you even more turned on.

"Ah....so you say. Then add another finger in for me." The second finger enters you and you feel your walls clench, a sign that you're close. "Levi....I'm close..."

"You are? Good girl cum." Your hips buck and you cum with a slight whine, you hate the fact that he isn't touching you.

With your eyes closed you hear movements, as your lids open you see Levis face before you, his hand resting on the sofa behind you while the other runs circles on your thigh.

His hand runs up your body to your cheek, he is on the verge of telling you that you're the prettiest thing he has ever seen but he doesn't because ,again, that would mean that he is showing his feelings.

Instead, he pulls you closer to his face by your hair, bringing the fingers that were inside of you to his lips and putting them in his mouth. "You taste amazing."

"Want you." You pull him down, kissing him tongue first. It's a messy kiss, full of lust. Levis fingers feel cold as he slides his hand up your shirt.

You moan against his mouth as he bites down on your lower lip pulling away from you. "Yeah? What makes you think that you deserve me?"

His hand comes closer and closer to your clothed cunt, fingers ghosting over your underwear. "I can walk out of here and leave you to undo yourself captain.."

A hand wraps around your neck, squeezing lightly, not choking you but it's enough for you to feel the pressure. "You wouldn't fucking dare and even if you wanted to.."

He leans in to whisper in your ear. "You're too addicted to stop now dear." Levi says but those are words he should say himself, he is drunk on you. You consume his mind and body and that's not a good thing.

The hand that was on your underwear moves under your shirt caressing your skin with his cold fingers, his other hand mover from your neck to push you down onto the sofa.

He captures your lips in a messy kiss as his hands take your top off of your body, leaving you in just your undergarments. His eyes scan every single mark on your body, proud of them he kisses the bruises around your breast as his hands lay on your waist.

It isn't long before your bra finds itself on his office floor, hands eagerly squeezing your breasts.

Your hands sneak around his shoulders and you spread your thighs wider to give him a more comfortable position between your legs.

He kisses the damp spot on your underwear, eyes looking up at you like a hawk. "So fucking wet." Taking the band of your panties he slides them off of your legs, finally seeing you fully naked.

All this for him alone? You won't let other men touch you after this right? Levi is trying to find reassurance in his own head, there is no way you will let anyone else touch you after he is done with you.

You feel his warm tongue run up and down and you immediately let a moan escape your lips. "Desprate." Levi mumbles against your pussy as he slowly works on you with his tongue.

His arm wraps around your right thigh as he puts it on his shoulder, while his other arm rests on your stomach. Levi sucks on your clit making you grind your hips against his mouth with a whine.

"You really are fucking desperate aren't you?" He growls against your wetness and starts lapping at your folds, your hands pull on his hair, filthy moans leaving your lips.

There are no words to describe how much you have missed this, the few days that passed by felt like a year.

"Levi!" You moan when he starts to devour you, his mouth is relentless against you. He grunts when he feels your nails claw his skull a little.

"Levi...I'm-" Although you don't want to cum yet, you can't help it. His skilled tongue is doing miracles on your pussy and besides, you have him all night.

His tongue goes faster and you arch your back, white pleasure takes over you and you cum on Levi's tongue.

"Good girl. Look at that.." He sucks on your pussy again for the last time before pulling away. Your juices are dripping down his jaw but he doesn't mind.

He kisses your stomach a few times before making his way back up to your face, kissing your cheek. "Don't tell me that that's all you have got?" Whispering he nibbles on your earlobe and you open your eyes.

"It's not. I want more." You are asking him for more but it's not quite the begging that Levi wanted. He needs to feel wanted especially with you like this.

"More of what? Hmm?" Levi gently brushes the strands of your hair back, letting you know that he wants to hear you. Pleasure is nothing if it doesn't go both ways.

"Please want your fingers." Kissing you on the mouth, Levi's hand starts making it's way down to your pussy and before you know it a finger enters you.

You yelp into the kiss giving his tongue full access to your mouth and you don't care that you can taste yourself on him.

He soon adds a second finger and you almost pull away from his lips but Levi makes it clear that he doesn't want to break the kiss as he holds your head in place.

His fingers curl inside you deliciously and you can't help but move your hips. Levi speeds them up a little, enough for them to hit that gummy spot inside of you but not exactly enough to tip you over the edge.

Finally pulling away from the kiss, Levi grips your hair and makes you look at him. His eyes have this sparkle in them that you can't define, it's like he doesn't ever want to look away from you.

Levi feels your walls clench around his fingers and instead of going faster to bring you to your release, he slows down.

"You can't cum yet." You nod biting into your lower lip, all he has to do is go a little faster and you'll be done however he doesn't, he wants to see how far he can drive you.

His thumb plays with your clit and his fingers start moving at a faster pace, while it feels so good, it's the way he is looking at you that gets you fired up. There is so much to unpack behind those grey eyes of his.

You lean in slightly and kiss him again as his fingers start to vigorously pump in and out of you, his thumb rubbing your clit. The pressure in your stomach builds up and you pull away from him, throwing your head back.

"Levi! I'm cumming!" His mouth connects to your neck and he sucks a new mark over the old one. "Cum for me sweetheart. Go on." He takes the side of your face into his hands to see you as you lose yourself in pleasure.

"So fucking pretty." Levi takes out his fingers and licks them clean. He groans at your taste. "Mmm you taste divine."

He wraps your shaky legs around his waist and pulls you up bringing you to his desk. Levi wanted to have you in his bedroom but he can't pull away from you now, not even for five minutes.

Everything that was laying on the wooden surface found itself on the floor. He sets you down on it and you shiver at the cold wood beneath you.

"We will go to my bedroom later. I just have to be inside you now." You smile taking the back of his neck and connecting your lips. Seems like he is as desperate as you are.

Your hand reaches down to his pants and you squeeze his erection through the fabric. Levi hisses, he is hard to the point that it hurts.

"Lay back. Don't expect me to go easy on you." Laying back, you try to find a comfortable position on top of his table. It's not the best way to do this but right now you don't care, you just want Levi fuck you.

Levi unzips his pants and pulls everything down, his cock comes into your view and you can't help but almost drool as you see him fully naked. His body was a piece of art.

"You done staring?" He asks in an annoyed tone but he is more than glad that you are enjoying the view. "Never."

You chuckle as he kisses you before lining himself up with your entrance, he pushes in slowly making both of you moan against each other's lips.

Levi starts thrusting into you with a passionate pace and his kisses travel down to your collarbones, leaving bites all behind. Looks like you will be wearing a turtleneck for at least another week.

"Fuck how do you feel this good?" He loves it, absolutely relishes in the feeling of you. Your warm walls, the sounds that leave your lips, your eyes rolling back. Levi wants to see it over and over again.

You can tell him the same, his cock feels amazing as it drags along your walls. The sound of skin slapping and the desk shaking makes you feel all stages of euphoria.

His hips slow down but he manages to hit your sweet spot when he pulls almost all the way out and then back in, filling you amazingly.

"Ahh Levi! Fuck!" You try your best not to dig your nails into his skin but once he starts to sound into you, you have no choice, feeling his muscles these under your fingers.

He takes one of your breasts into his mouth, tongue swirling around your nipple. You feel his cock twitching inside of you but he doesn't stop his erotic pace.

Your pussy clamps down on him more than once and he bites into the plush skin of your breast, leaving a dark mark behind.

His thrusts start to get sloppy and his hands go from your waist to the edge of the table, gripping it so hard that his knuckles turn white.

He presses his forehead against yours and his hips move in speed. You whine as you feel his cock hit your cervix repeatedly, this feels too good, nothing can feel better than him.

A sound of wood breaking reaches your ears but you're too busy being in a haze as your orgasm builds up. "Levi! Levi!"

"I know just-ahah fuck. Just a little longer." Levi buries his head into your shoulder as his thrusts start getting sloppy, your pussy contracts around him and that's all it takes.

It takes everything in him not to cum inside of you but he manages to pull out, cumming all over your stomach.

"Shit." He says eyeing the edge of his table, it's broken. "Did we?" You ask him and he nods, which makes you let out a laugh. The two of you really broke his table.

Levi kisses your neck lightly before helping you stand up on your wobbly legs. "I'll have to come up with a shitty excuse to replace it."

The two of you dress back into your uniforms but only for a short time as the two of you aren't done yet, you can't walk in the corridors looking like a mess. Anyone who would look at you would know what was going on his Levi's office.

You kiss Levi again and he slips something into the back on your back pocket. "You go to my room first, I'll be right there."

Fixing your hair, you take the key he gave you out of your back and hurry to his room. You hope that you don't run into anyone you know.

Reaching his room you look around to make sure that no one sees you. Unlocking the door, you enter into his bedroom. It's neat, not a single dust trail can be found in his room.

And Levi kept his promise, before you knew it he was in the room with you, pushing you down on his bed and undressing you again.

This time he flips you on your stomach before he enters you and takes you hair in his hand pulling on it slightly.

This was madness, neither of you can get enough of the other. And you are afraid to pull away because he might change his mind and throw you out.

He pulls on your hair as his cock slams into you. He let's moans of pleasure leave his mouth and he suddenly stops moving, takes you by the neck and pulls you up so that your back is to his chest.

His lips find yours and they lock in a passionate kiss. "Levi move please." Whimpering against his mouth, you bite on his lower lip as you pull away.

"I'll move just....wait." The feeling of your warm walls around his cock will drive him crazy. He nibbles on your ear lobe for a while before putting you back in the position you were in and moving his hips again.

You grip his white sheets, ruining his previously perfectly made bed. The room smells of sex and the only thing heard is his cock pumping into you and your moans.

It doesn't take long for either of you to cum and this time Levi cums deep inside of you. His head drops onto your back and his fingers run down your spine, both of you breathing heavily.

Levi kisses up your back to your neck and turns your body around gently. There are marks that he left behind again, your hips, your neck and your breast.

His back is full of scratches and his palms still hurt from the table but it makes him proud. From all the scars he has on his body, these ones are sweet and special, they won't be there for long but enough.

"We should take a shower..." You agree, your body feels so tired.

And in the shower again the two you couldn't keep your hands off of each other.

Your back is pressed against the shower wall as Levi's cock penetrates your walls again. It was like someone was just constantly adding fuel to the fire.

Constant monas of his name ring in the bathroom, your nails have marked his back again, his lips did the same to your skin.

And his thrusts are messy now, they feel slow but he still manages to be so deep inside of you.

"So fucking good. Such a good girl for me." He says feeling you cum on him again and he cums inside of you, watching between your shaky legs as it drips out of you.

"We need to stop doing this..." He mumbles as he dries your hair with a towel. It's from the point of returning now and you both know it...

"Do you want to stop doing it?" Levi asks as he brings you a plate of food and a glass of water. You don't answer to him just like the last time he asks you the question.

But before you leave his room in the middle of the night, you turn around look at him and say.

"To answer your question I......"

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Taglist: @youre-ackermine @the-milk-anon @sixpennydame @notgoodforlife @levisbrat25 @lovolee3 @luvjiro @levisgreyeyes @whynotsleepp @svftackerman @mrsackermannx @ackermendick @laraackerman @zbeez-outlet @lillywise-the-dancingclown69 @marialopezzz0922

[markrosewater]

Happy birthday! Can we get some birthday trivia about you on your birthday?

Sure. I turn 56 today, so here’s fifty-six things you may or may not know about me.

1) I never lost a baby tooth. Every one had to be extracted.

2) I was once a contestant on Trivial Pursuit: The Game Show with Wink Martindale. I answered the most questions correct, but didn’t win.

3) I once had scarlet fever (the thing the boy gets in the Velveteen Rabbit).

4) I’ve been told by doctors I have very weird blood.

5) I self taught myself to juggle.

6) I was a magician when I was a kid with the stage name The Wiz Kid. I mostly performed for kids parties.

7) I was once a freelance greeting card writer. My favorite (that didn’t get printed) showed a jug of maple syrup tipped on its side making a puddle of syrup. In the syrup was a top hat. A hand is pulling a can of green paint with a shamrock out of the hat. You open up the card and it says Sappy Paint Hat Tricks Day. It’s a triple Spoonerism.

8) Sara Gilbert (of “Roseanne” fame) and I once went out for lunch. (It wasn’t a date or anything.)

9) I broke my collarbone doing a prat fall off a stage.

10) I once pet a cheetah. In South Africa. My face from the picture of me doing that was used as my “Making Magic” photo for years.

11) I once made a root beer float for Keanu Reeves. It was at a play I was volunteering for.

12) I once get trapped inside Fred Astaire’s Estate. This factoid is oddly on my Wikipedia page.

13) Starting during the pandemic, my family began fostering animals. So far, we fostered four dogs, six cats, and two Guinea pigs.

14) In college, I wrote and directed two plays, started an improvisation troupe, and a writing workshop.

15) I still have all my wisdom teeth.

16) I have visited every continent except Antarctica for Magic.

17) I once asked Clint Eastwood for directions, not realizing who it was until he started talking. I was lost on the Warner Brothers lot.

18) My first job in Hollywood resulted from me taking part in someone else’s interview. I snuck on the lot, and ended walking into a room where they asked “Are you here for the production assistant interview?”, and I said, “Yes.”

19) I once had a disease the doctors couldn’t identify. They called it Mark’s Disease.

20) I was born in Mississippi. My dad was in the Air Force at the time.

21) I asked out seven woman to my senior prom who all turned me down. I ended up going with a friend who also couldn’t get a date.

22) I took six years of Spanish.

23) Most of my family’s vacations growing up were ski vacations, so I’m a decent skier.

24) I once delivered a pizza to Richard Gere. It was as a production assistant, not a pizza delivery person.

25) I once broke into an actor’s apartment building to deliver a script. It was so late, they were asleep and didn’t hear the buzzing of the door bell.

26) I once drove six hours (three in each direction) to pick up one five-stick package of Blackjack gum as a runner (production assistant).

27) Dennis Miller once thought I was a crazy man. I was sent to get him from the parking lot for a shoot and he thought I was stalking him.

28) I have over two hundred tee-shirts. They are organized by color.

29) I was supposed to pitch to “The Simpsons”, but it got cancelled when I got hired in the “Roseanne” staff.

30) I pitched multiple times to “Star Trek: The Next Generation”, but never sold a script. The closest I got was a pitch about Data malfunctioning.

31) I once ate crocodile. In Australia.

32) I played the Tinman in fifth grade in a production of “The Wizard of the Oz”. I was so hot, my silver make-up had to be reapplied halfway through as I sweated it off.

33) My mother turned down being on “Oprah” to come to my college graduation.

34) My parents are both retired. My dad was a dentist and my mom a psychologist. I used to joke I had a “paradox”.

35) Every birthday since I was 9, I’ve celebrated my birthday with crab legs.

36) Since I was in grade school, every Valentine’s Day, I hand out candy hearts, and every Halloween, I hand out mellowcreme pumpkins (basically pumpkin shaped candy corns).

37) My tee-shirts every week are themed. Some themes are pretty obvious, but they often get tricky. R&D likes figuring out the theme.

38) I got a BS in Communications (no, really) from Boston University’s College of Communications.

39) I collect superhero Minimates (they look Lego-ish). I have somewhere around two thousand. They are displayed in a number of cabinets built by my dad.

40) My podcast was inspired by a talk by Kevin Smith (at San Diego Comic-Con) where he said anyone could make a podcast.

41) I have attended over twenty-five San Diego Comic-Cons.

42) I am related to Lorne Green of “Bonanza” fame.

43) My dad’s family came from Germany and my mom’s from Russia. In Germany, my family’s name was Rosenvasser, but it was changed to Rosewater when they came to the U.S.

44) There are so few Rosewaters in the United States, that if you meet a Rosewater odds are I’m related to them.

45) I have lived in five states (Mississippi, Ohio, Massachusetts, California, and Washington, in that order).

46) I have visited over thirty states for Magic.

47) I once met Jim Henson when I worked on a clip show that Kermit was on. The question I asked him was if Ernie and Bert were named after the characters from “It’s a Wonderful Life”. He said not consciously. Jim Henson is one of my idols and I feel so blessed to have met him. He died a few months later.

48) I met Stan Lee at Hascon. He is another of my idols that I feel so lucky to have met.

49) On “Roseanne”, I worked with Amy Sherman-Palladino (just Amy Sherman back then) and Chuck Lorre. She made “Gilmore Girls” and “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel”. He made “Big Bang Theory” and “Two and a Half Men”. Amy was super sweet and we got along well. I don’t think Chuck liked me.

50) I am a super picky eater. For example, except for apples, I don’t eat fruit. I hate bananas with a passion.

51) I have been a game player since very young. My dad loves games and introduced them to me early in life.

52) I get the writing bug from my mom.

53) I used to collect lint in a giant jar. When I got married, Lora made me get rid of it. It was an impressive amount of lint.

54) I have a bad tendency to burn myself a lot. My family loves to make fun of it.

55) I own over fifty flannels. My favorites are from Japan because they are more colorful with their flannels. Normally I wear a large, but in Japanese sizes, I’m an extra large.

56) My favorite number is 254. I chose it when I was little.

[shelbgrey]

Glory of love(Eleazar Denali)

Chapter 1: the world's not perfect but it's not bad

Table of contents

She grew up in Forks under the protection of her father. She loved the rain and how small the town was, like her father she pictured herself living there forever.

She had everything she could want, a father that loved her, her two best friends Leah and Seth was like a little brother. She had little sister that looked up to her even if they only saw each other on a holiday.

But when she got excepted into college to become a teacher she was forced to move to Arizona. She hated it there, the sunburns, the dryness, but most of all she hated that her and Bella took care of the house while their mother went off on different 'adventures'

Her mother favorited Bella above her and put her little sister on the mantle. It didn't matter what the situation was, Bella could do no wrong in Renae's eyes. Y/n could go to school all day and have a good paying job, but her mother would still disapprove. Nothing was good enough.

Then one night she had enough and ran into the arms of the man she trust the most, she went home.

“we got each other and that's all that matters, I'll be there for you” her father told her.

Then when she graduated college her father Charlie showed up with his second daughter at their door step. They told her everything would be alright dispite the anger on her eyes.

--------( ....... )--------

He was no older than 30 when he turned and he felt that him and his family were only getting older when if they had forever.

He was scared to be alone after the woman he thought loved him left. After she left he was thankful for the blond he called his brother, even though sometimes they argued. Being in the Volturi wasn't easy, Carlisle is the reason he survived.

He knew the world wasn't perfect but it could be worse, as long as he had the coven he called family how bad could it be.

~~~~~~~~(.......)~~~~~~~~

Her TV never failed to wake her up, neither did the aching pain in her back from her horrible habit of falling asleep at her desk after staying up all night making lesson plans from her new class.

She sighed at the sound of the credits rolling of the movie she was too tired to remember what it was. The remote fell on her desk with a clank as she got up to start her morning. As she moved around her room her black Labrador, Duke woke up and started to follow her like he always dose.

She did the normal human functions of the morning, hair, makeup, you get the gist of it. For school she put on dark pants and a Elvis shirt that was gifted long ago. As she walked down the stairs to the kitchen she mostly used she slipped on a gray cardigan before starting breakfast for the house.

Her little sister was fist to grace y/n with her presence. Not much words were spoken just a small 'good morning' as Bella made her coffee.

“you ready for your first day of school?” she asked cooking some eggs.

Bella rolled her eyes. “yeah joining a new school when it's second semester... So great”

“Hey, I just got a job there and it's second semester... We're both doomed” y/n joked. Bella rolled her eyes as she sat down at the kitchen table.

“Dad, breakfast!” y/n shouted to her dad but got no answer.

Y/n left to get her Dad but saw he had already left for work. As she came back to the kitchen breakfast plates had been clean and Bella had already left for school. The oldest Swan quickly got her stuff together and was out the door in seconds after saying goodbye to her dog. She drove off in her red VW beatle.

--------(Cullen's house)--------

“Esme, have you seen a black folder anywhere? My graded papers are in there” Eleazar asked as he sped through the house. The rest of the residents of the home were doing the same, getting ready for school or doing last minute hunting.

“here, uncle Eleazar” Alice said aprearing out of no where with the folder. Alice was really the only one who called him that. For their human act Eleazar was the older brother of Esme and he had three nieces he a adopted, Tynan, Kate, and Irina. Because of Irina's more mature looks she had college classes while her other two sisters posed as sinors. The three girls were the cousins to the Cullen children when they were at school.

“Gracias Alice” he smiled and took the folder. As his hand griped the folder Alice gasped and images and scenarios of a girl with Eleazar flooded her brain.

She let go of the folder as Eleazar gave her a strange look. Him and the rest of the family were used to her random black outs, they knew it was vision.

“what did you see Alice?” he asked. She smiled brightly at him and shrugged. Eleazar usually never liked hearing about his future, he either doesn't believe the happiness one vision will bring him or he says her 'spoiler alerts' of life take the fun out of it.

“oh, I saw nothing” she knew what she was doing. She felt so happy he'd no longer be alone, but she knew better than to tell him. For the first time she didn't give out one of her spoiler alerts and let him figure it out for himself.

“what didn't Alice see?” Kate asked coming down the stairs with Rosalie. “nothing” Alice smiled and followed Jasper into the garage. Eleazar rolled his gold eyes preparing himself for a eight hours of teaching delinquents.

~~~~~~~~(.......)~~~~~~~~

“ah, you must be the new English Teacher” and older woman smiled as I walked into the front off with my bag and box thst held office supplies and books. I smiled and set my box down next to her desk.

“I am, y/n Swan” I said holding my hand out.

“Heather Webber” The older woman shook my hand then gave me the Bell schedule and a paper that had the attendance list off all my classes.

“and you have to fill a few of these out” the older woman said handding me some forms. I smiled softly and started to fill out all the forms, trying to get them done before the first bell rang.

--------(the parking lot)--------

“Alice, why dose me and Edward being single cause you so much distress?” Eleazar asked as he parked his '66 Cadillac Coupe DeVilleat the front of the school where most of the staff parked.

“it doesn't cause me distress... But aren't you lonely?” she asked as Eleazar opened the car door for her and Tanya. The blond chuckled as she claimed out of the back seat. The conversation that lasted the whole ride to school was already the highlight of her day.

“yeah you need a woman in your life” the blond added.

“Chicas, this is not a crisis worth dealing with” Eleazar said grabing his school bag and the folder that held his lesson plans from the trunk.

Alice held a finger up as she skipped over next Eleazar as he closed the trunk. “but it is worth dealing with!”

“exactly” Tanya said.

Eleazar rolled his eyes at the two girls as the three walked into he school. “you know Edward has been single longer than I have, why don't you bother him?”

“we aren't talking about Edward, are we?” Alice said.

As the three walked through the hallway that led to Eleazar's classroom the girls pressed the subject. “girls will-”

He stopped mid sentence as he passed by the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. She was carrying a box of school stuff when she slightly looked up at him without relizing. She had most beautifulest eyes he'd ever seen. Her curly hair bounced as she moved making her sent more noticeable.

Her sent was intoxicating. The smell in the air was so sweat and greeted his sences graciously. The smell of spearmint, Roses, and old pages from a book never smelled so heavenly. He couldn't help but take another breath while the girls looked in his general direction trying to figure out what shut him up.

“looks like the new English Teacher” Tanya said.

“Ella es hermosa(she's beautiful)” Eleazar whispered. The girls gave a confused look do to the fact their Spanish was rusty.

“huh?” Alice asked coming up behind him and looking over his shoulder.

“come again?” Tanya said. Eleazar quickly shook his head motioning the girls to follow as the morning bell rang.

[penguinwithitsarseonfire]

Didn't Have It In Myself to go With Grace

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 (you’re here!) | Part 4 |

Pairing: 10th Doctor x Reader

Word Count: 5,812

Warnings: major character death, regular death, violence, possession, some body horror, (we’re in for a doozy)

Summary: The orchestra conductor has been possessed by a parasitic alien who feeds off of fear. It is up to you, The Doctor, Donna, and the Queens of Arteides to save the day... But not without a deeply personal cost.

A/N: Sorry this is a tad late, covid is a bitch. I’ve been really excited be the reception this has gotten, thank you so much! Hope you enjoy this - feel free to yell at me if you do!

Donna Noble was a resourceful woman. She learned fast, had memorised the Dewey-decimal system, and was quick to read the emotions of others. Besides, when travelling with the Doctor, being resourceful was just the tip of the iceberg of the various skills she needed.  Now, it wasn’t like she wasn’t resourceful before meeting him. She was just… quicker, now. Joined the dots faster, was lighter on her feet.

Which was why she whacked her bag into the nearest drone head.

The head spun into the orchestra pit, hitting another head like a pin ball. It floated there, spritzing, red light sparking around the eyes.

The Doctor’s hand was out in a flash, fingers clasped over his sonic screwdriver. It whirred quickly, and he pulled it back to inspect.

With a yell, a woman’s handbag was flung into the air, soaring over your heads as it met the growing crowd running to leave. It brought the noise into focus. Suddenly – except, it couldn’t have been, and this was a testament to your focus that you hadn’t heard it, droves of people were storming through the area, their cries matching the weight of their running feet.

You turned in a daze. It was panic. The bright colours which had delighted you only moments ago were now overwhelming, wrapped around terrified faces and too fast people. Masses of people were gathering in any available surface, clustering closer as they tried to escape.

A head shot down an old woman, her terrified cries caught in her throat. Her body shuttered, going bright with red light, before toppling over.

Your body went cold.

This was going to be devastating.

The Doctor’s groan caught your attention. “Oh – oh no,” he narrowed his eyes at the sonic, as if doing so would change the data. “It’s a Krusqet. Oh, of all the things it could bloody well be, it had to be a Krusqet.”

“For the non-space men in the crowd Doctor,” Donna said, pulling the rack of clothes in front of the Queens.

After all, she was quicker now. Hit the weird scary alien? Done. Protect the Queens? In progress.

“A parasitic race,” The Doctor replied, voice pitching as he began to look around the room. You recognised the look, could see the cogs turning. “They bury themselves into your mind, feeding off of emotions, off of fear,” his voice fell as his eyes met the crowd, grim. “And this place is full of it.”

All the blood left Karyia’s face, leaving her with an ashen grey complexion. Her voice was hollow when she spoke. “We have been warring with them for centuries.”

“Let me call the guards,” Inari added, voice rising in frustration. She brushed at one of her many earrings, and bloomed into bright red. “This is a party,” she added in anger. “Security is by the entrance.”

You turned to the Queens. “Which is where?”

“The edge of the city.”

You went to reply – perhaps to ask why their guards were so far away – but Inari had already moved. She came to a still in the centre of the crowd, weaving through the crowd like water. Her voice pulled at the people surrounding her, drawn to her like moths to a flame. Using sweeping motions, she began directing them to various exists around the space. Here, she stood as an imposing figure, the blue of her gown making her appear taller, elevating her above the people. She was a beacon they followed.  

Karyia remained by your side, a tablet in hand – where she had gotten it, you didn’t ask. Her eyes flitted across the screen. “I can’t see how it got through our biosecurity.”

The Doctor scrunched up his face. “That can’t be your most pressing concern right now.” He turned back to the sonic.

Karyia snapped the tablet against her wrist, and you watched as it folded into a golden bangle around her. “You’re right,” she turned to the Doctor. “What do you suggest, old friend?”

Something cracked, the sound echoing through the space. You turned, the wall of tear-drop crystals splintered, threatening to topple the whole thing down. In the distance, the possessed conductor, with a shrill, distorted tone, laughed.

The Doctor spun around, sonic waving. His hand fell to his side. “They’re scared – everyone is scared.”

The Doctors comment was punctuated by a shrill cry from the crowd, as a woman was targeted by one of the drone heads. Its eyes locked onto her. She froze, paralysed. Her body, in a wave of red light, marking her bones and her heart, crumpled to the ground.

Her final cry swallowed into your mind, latching itself beside your ear. It ran like repeat, in time with every breath.

Your voice was airy, brittle with worry. “Well, they’re being attacked,” you waved your hand in a ‘well-obviously’ motion, earnest as you gestured around the room. “Of-course they’re scared.”

“So what do we do?” Donna asked. “Do we just make them not scared – is that even possible?”

Your gaze fell to the hanging gowns. Gowns of vibrant reds, rich purples, deep blues, brilliant royal colours that were stacked against each other. On the end rested a bright silver gown, glimmering in the light, as if already plucked for someone – most likely Donna – to wear.

It would be near impossible, among the chaos and the noise, to stop people feeling fear. Emotions weren’t controlled by a valve, with the ability to close and switch them off at will.

Behind you, someone cried out, calling for their friend. You forced yourself not to turn around. You forced yourself to tune it out. Fear would only make things worse.

Karyia’s eyes followed yours, scanning over the gowns. Her eyes brightened, stress brewing into something warmer, something you would almost define as hope. Hope however, wasn’t something you thought a Queen would ever lose. Slowly, her face grew into a conspiratorial smirk, and she met your gaze.

Your eyes flitted back to the ballgowns. Now, it would be near impossible to assuage people’s fear. But that didn’t mean there weren’t other options.

“You may be right Donna,” Karyia said. “It may just be possible to distract the conductor.”

Donna’s eyes fell from you, Karyia, and the dresses. With each movement, her eyebrows knitted closer together. It took her a beat.

But Donna was faster now. Joined the dots together.

Her face fell with her mouth. “Okay, if you’re suggesting some sort of song and dance to distract a parasitic alien from murdering people-,”

“Oh, that’s brilliant,” understanding dawned on the Doctor, his face brightening in his interruption. “You lot are brilliant. Might not be enough on the conductor,” he regarded the drones. “But it might work on these things. It’s worth a try.”

Donna’s voice was near breathless when she spoke. “If one of you big-brains could fill me in here,” Donna said ‘big brain’ with the same air of sarcasm as she said her witty insults. “That’d be great.”

The Doctor took Donna by the shoulders, pulling at the solution. “What’s the one thing people do when they’re not afraid?”

Donna’s face fell. “That’s absurd. We need to be getting people out of here, not waving our – our,” she gestured at the Doctor. “Our noodle arms around!”

Karyia’s hands were already on the silver ballgown. Her eyes twinkled as she smiled at you – and you wondered, briefly, if she was plotting something more.

“And we are,” Karyia said. “Now, we may give my wife the fright of her life, but she is more than equipped to lead people from the space,” she held out the silver ballgown towards Donna, like it was a token, or a dance card. “Donna, I would be honoured if you danced with me.”

Donna groaned. “Why’s it gotta be me,” she gestured to you. “What about this sprightly young thing?”

“This sprightly young thing has a name,” you gawked. “And sure,” you continued. “I guess I’ll dance.”

“I’m afraid that isn’t possible,” Karyia shook her head, eyes still sparkling with that same… you weren’t sure what to call it. Mirth? This was where her smirk grew, and it dawned on you that Karyia was using this as a plan to keep you and the Doctor together.

Talk about priorities.

“Excluding myself,” she said. “You know the layout of this space better than anyone, we need you as our first line of defence.”

“Hold on, absolutely not,” the Doctor said, and looked to you. “You’re not the first line of anything.”

You ignored him, keeping your focus on Karyia. She had a point. “What are you thinking?”

Karyia practically threw the dress onto Donna, which folded into the floor at her feet. “We will dance, do what we can to provide a distraction. My lovely wife will secure reinforcements,” she turned to you and the Doctor. “Doctor, I am asking the two of you to deal with the conductor.”

The Doctor’s mouth bobbed, processing the fact that he hadn’t been the one to come up with the plan. It was rare that this was the case, and it often took him a moment to come to terms with it. You frowned at Karyia; it was a convoluted plan at best – anything that involved dancing was. But the Doctor nodded. Convoluted was right up his alley.

Donna’s eyes mapped the room, flitting over the people and the destruction. She let out a heavy breath. “Do you really think dancing will help?”

The Doctor nodded solemnly. “Anything that makes people less afraid is worthwhile.”

Donna nodded once, determined, before scooping the dress off the ground. “Surely we’ll get to whack more of those drone heads out of the sky too.”

Karyia grinned. “I’m counting on it.”

“Well then, you two better get your macarena on,” The Doctor said before pointing at you. “Follow me.”

Donna scoffed. “If you’re making me dance, you best believe I’m doing better than the macarena.”

The Doctor took out his hand, which, instinctively, you folded yours into. You met Karyia’s eye, who was giving you a small, self-satisfied smirk. Part of her had planned this.

“Good luck,” you nodded to her and Donna.

Karyia laughed, looking at Donna. “I expect you can foxtrot, yes?”

The Doctor pulled you away, the distant sound of Donna’s startled half-laugh bidding farewell.

The Doctor weaved you through the crowds, which, with Inari organising them, were a lot more structured than they had been. Already, the large dance floor by the orchestra was clear.

The smell hit you then; pungent and volatile. The Doctor guided you over bodies – actual bodies, that were strewn around the floor. Their flesh sizzling and bright red. If you hadn’t seen what happened to them, with the red laser eyes and half-stifled cries, you would think all they were was sunburnt.

The smell rolled with your gut and bubbled up your throat. You retched, focusing on the Doctors hand in yours as he walked you over them.

“What’s the plan?” You asked him, hoping your voice was louder than the commotion around you.

The conductor – or whatever was left of her, hadn’t left the stage. She stood where she had been when she first revealed herself. Black tendrils leaked out from her base, wrapping like spider legs off the stage and into the people who were on the ground. She was talking, but the speech was the wrong pattern, a mixture of words that should make a sentence, but instead were left like a jumbled soup you had to interpret.

“We need to work out how to starve the parasite inside her,” he said, nodding towards the conductor.

You nodded, before pausing. “How do we do that?”

The Doctor’s mouth was set in a grim line. “I don’t know, it’s never been done before.”

You frowned. “So how do we know if we hurt her?”

“We don’t.”

His reply hung heavy in the air. It was chilling.

He was right of course, there was no way to know if you could help her. There wasn’t even a way to know if you should. The parasite was cruel, and the woman, the poor conductor, was nothing more than a conduit.

It sounded like a fate worse than death.

“Hey Maleficent,” the Doctor called out – and okay, you were doing this then. “C’mon and let us have a look at you. Sad you weren’t invited to the party?”

The conductor’s head was so fast, when it spun towards you it momentarily dislodged from her spine. It came out with a pop, before snapping back into place. “Gleeful,” her voice clawed at your back, like nails on a chalkboard. “It gives my friends and I and excuse to have so much fun.”

“They’re not your friends,” the Doctor shot back. “You’ve killed these people.”

She waved a hand, nails as black as the congealed smoke that pooled at her fingertips. “Those are schematics, tall one. A friend is a friend regardless of how it is made.”

A stringy, sinew, and knuckle finger stretched forward, pointing at the pair of you. “Maybe you will be next.”

The Doctor scoffed, his eyes flitting around her. Cogs turning, ideas slotting into place. “Not likely,” he spoke with that signature voice of authority he had, the decibels building and slotting into place, rising above the collection of noise around you with sheer audacity alone. This was the voice he used when he began one of his save the world speeches. When a plan was about to unfold.

“People like you,” he continued. “Species like you, you bloody Krusqets, so souped up on your own arrogance that you can’t see past the end of your nose.”

The stage was empty around her, head kept moving away from you. She couldn’t keep her whole focus on you, not entirely. Some of it was saved for the drones.

You followed her gaze, subtle about it, twisting your whole body into a would-be stretch. Donna and Karyia really were dancing, their bright dresses capturing the light. They weaved around angry red beams, Donna’s trusty handbag knocking them out of the sky. Karyia used her tablet.

They were distracting.

It wasn’t perfect. The heads didn’t fly as dramatically as the first one Donna hit. Sparks crackled around their eyes, but their fire held firm.

Maybe though, just maybe, it would be enough.

Those same wiry fingers folded around her nose, fingers latching into her jawline. “Are bipedal simians supposed to see their noses I wonder,” she mused, humour coating every crackle of her voice, thick like oil. “I would say it was interesting, but that is not my purpose here.”

“And what is it?” You asked, eyes following the Doctors gaze. You could only guess what he was planning. Capturing her alone? Using the fabric, the wires holding the lights above the stage to tangle into her?

Her smile stretched in humour, rows of teeth as sharp as her shrill voice. The conductors gaze fell onto you. “Why young thing,” her smile grew large, jaw dislodging at the strain. It hung lose, giving the grin an uncanny lopsided effect, dangling with every movement. “I’m here to kill the Queens. They seem oh-so-delicious when terrified.”

Her words left you as cold as her smile – if you could call it that – crawling through your spine and settling at the base of your neck. It itched, eliciting goosebumps on your skin.

“Well, that’s not going to happen,” the Doctor said, pulling her focus back to him. Her jaw bobbed, swaying with the same movement as an abandoned swing left in a soft breeze. It was equally chilling. “I’m the Doctor, you might have heard of me. You might have also heard that never, not once, has anyone in your species been able to follow through on one of your plans here.”

The grin stretched wider, the skin around her lips sagging with the weight of it. You recoiled; her molars black with the same tar as substance she leaked onto the stage. “Doctor,” her voice crooned his name, tongue scraping against yellow teeth. “You will most certainly be first.”

The Doctor squeezed your hand three times, and in instinct you looked towards him. He was nodding slightly by the base of the stage, where a lone power socket sat, unattended. A power chord was plugged into one of the sockets, but the chord led nowhere. You tried to connect the dots, to build the Doctor’s plan in your mind, but it was too far gone.

Then, he spoke. “Well yeah of course, that’s a lofty plan of yours,” his eyes twinkled. “Let me help you out, give you the energy you need for it!”

And he pulled you into a run. His sonic was held in front of him, light bright as it met the electrical outlet.

His plan hit you, and in a leap, you wrapped your fingers over the chord. You tugged once, the chord slipping from your grasp as it came loose from the fitting. The electrical socket sparked once, twice, until lightning crackled around it. It shot upwards, meeting the metal that lined the stage. The black, tar like substance was like liquid. The electricity caught, snapping through the conductor’s frame.

And she was alight.

She was blue. Her oily, pale skin bubbled. The golden sheen to it went bright, like the reflection of a streetlight in a pool of water. Her hair stretched beyond her frame, thrown back with her head. Her voice fell, her scream dwarfed by the sheer volume of the power that ran through her small frame.

The electricity echoed around you. You turned and found Donna as she knocked a drone head away from her. The same black smoke pooled out of its ears, gathering around her dress. She hit at it again, yelling something that was lost to the space between you both. It, along with the rest of the drones that were circling her Karyia clattered to the floor. Eyes as blank as the dead.

The Doctor called your name. “It needs more energy,” he told you

“Like the emotions,” you breathed, and it hit you. The emotions it was feeding on, those were just as powerful, just as filled with energy, as any electrical currant.

“Exactly,” the Doctor grinned at you, the bright, delighted one he always gave when you clocked on to his plans. “Give it enough and it’s catastrophic.”

You looked up the stage, at the same wires from earlier. “Would they work?”

The Doctor followed your gaze. “If we’ve got the time to get up there, yeah.”

But you wouldn’t have time.

The conductor slumped forward, her body racking with pearls of broken laughter. With singed skin, smoking into her hair and dress, she stood.

“You fool,” she seethed, and her voice was firmer now. “I feed off mad energy. Why do you think we chose fear? You have made me more powerful.”

She didn’t look human; she didn’t look normal. Everything recognisable, everything that made her alive and whole, was gone. Her clammy, pale skin glittered under the sunlight, her black, tar like hair dripped like jewels onto the floor, snaking outwards towards all they could reach. It was awful. Fear embodied into a broken figure; a person made doll.

You couldn’t tell if she really was more powerful. The drones left scattered among the hardwood; among the people they had frozen mid-run. She was angrier though, and anger might just be enough.

In the now empty space, without the drones, she looked near fragile. One gust of wind and she would shatter. Your heart pressed into your sternum, mind going to the conductor – who she had been before she had been possessed. How awful.

For the first time, you met her eyes. If nothing else, her eyes were her own. The black and red from the drones, the black that made up her skin and mouth, that wasn’t there.

And she was desperate. Terrified.

She was dying.

That knowledge left you near broken. She was just as much of a victim as anyone else here.

And they were her own eyes.

Without thinking you pulled away from the Doctor, running towards her. She didn’t deserve to die. No one here did. So many had died and hell, there were so many you couldn’t save. But her. Maybe you could save her.

And maybe that would be enough.

You reached for her, not thinking. You had no plan, no sense of what you could do to help. It just felt right. Her eyes flickered to your hand, to your face, meeting your eyes. Was that hope?

Your hand met hers, tar and dust squelching in your grasp. She cried out a harsh, grating yell, tendrils whipping out from her throat.

They flung towards you. You went to move but her grip held firm. Her eyes remained fixed on you. Sorrowful. Pleading. Hopeful.

It was like a beanbag to the chest. It was painful, throbbing, ripping the air from your lungs. You stumbled backwards, clawing for breath. The tendrils snaked their way up your sternum. You choked as it weaved through your throat, griping into the back of your eyes.

You cried out, throwing your hands against your eyes, pushing against the pressure. You wouldn’t let it take your sight. You couldn’t.

Your clothes felt like lead, tightening around you. It coiled hot, scratching against your skin. Someone called your name, and new pressure folded itself around your arms. You shook at it violently. The pressure stabbed at your nerves. It was pins and needles. It was fire.

You hated it. You hated this.

A low, scratched voice – distorted and all consuming, racked in your brain. “Let me in,” it breathed, its heavy voice shaking against your ribs, crawling down your spine. “Let me feel what you feel.”

Something pounded, and the vice on your arms tightened.

The conductor had been scared, terrified – wasn’t that right? That’s what this parasite had fed on, her fear.  

The voice let out a guttural laugh. It almost sounded like a growl. “Of course she was scared,” it mused, the voice itched its way along the hair on the nape of your neck. “It was delicious.”

It moulded itself into the base of your mind, pooling in the spot where you head met your neck. Energy was its power, it latched onto anything powerful enough that it could warp it into its own fuel.

So what gave you energy? Something had to give you life that it wouldn’t give the Krusqet.

You thought of the way she had looked at you. Terrified.

Hopeful.

Oh.

You forced your palms away from your eyes, pulling at the hands that held you. Desperately, you ripped your eyes open. Familiar brown eyes stared into yours, and you nearly sobbed in relief.

Love. Hope. That was how to end this.

The Doctors hands weren’t hot anymore, peeling against your skin like an ice scraper. They were solid, grounding. You wondered if, without them, you would have blown away. Become dust and tar like the conductor before you.

“Let go of me,” you said softly, voice strained. “It feeds off of fear.”

The Doctor nodded absentmindedly. His focus was on you. “We know that,” his eyes flickering across your person. Distressed. Heartbroken. “You’re brave, you can fight this.”

You shook your head, and, distantly, you felt yourself smile. “It runs when it feels hope.”

Your eyes flicked to the conductor. She stood on shaking legs. Donna held her.

Briefly, you wondered how Donna was here, how long you had spent clawing at your own skin as the Krusqet consumed you.

But the conductor was safe. She was alive.

You pulled away from the Doctor, watching his face fall with his empty hands. You balled your hands into fists. They were tingling.

“It’s the one energy it can’t feed off,” you continued, voice strained. “Because that’s what we use to survive.”

A deep, guttural cry rang against your head. There were no words. Only anger.

You had hope.

“So love…” a violent yell curled against your ears, silencing your voice. Sharp pain bowled you over, folding you in two. Your hand flew to your stomach, a curled fist held tight against the pressure point.

Your skin twisted, peeling like wet paper, rattling into your bones. It felt like lighting was dancing across your skin, itching, burning – desperate for release.

You pulled yourself away. You couldn’t let yourself touch anyone.

“Love,” you tried again, your voice sharp with pain. “Love will kill it.”

Like thunder your body bowled open, hanging in the air. Smoke hung from your feet, from your hair, from your hands. It folded into the air like steam. Near lifeless, you dangled off the cliff, with nothing but dead air to cushion your inevitable fall.

A broken cry came from Donna. It was a shattered word that sounded, distantly, like your name. “What are you doing?”

The tendrils twisted in your gut. They clawed against your skin, hot and heavy, ripping at your insides. Yet still, your body felt weightless.

You held a hand in front of you, smoke making way for… were they sparks? It was something. Something bright. Something new.

“What sort of chemical reaction is this?” Your voice weaved into the air, breathy, separate. It was difficult to believe it came out of your mouth.

The Doctor looked at you, eyes assessing. “High energy emotions, love, anger, fear, they all release cortisol and adrenaline. Artificial versions, they’re the bonds of the body’s chemical compounds, which is what energy is stored in. It doesn’t make sense – it should all be the same!”

You shook your head, or maybe your whole body shook, and your head simply joined in. “No, it’s more than that. Hope,” you breathed the word, trying to drive the point home. “It can’t feed on what it doesn’t understand.”

A yell shattered your mind, dark and visceral, snaking its way through every neuron, every pathway that stitched your mind together.

You knew you were right.

Donna’s gaze flickered between you and the Doctor, eyes widening in understanding. She ran a hand across her forehead, wiping at the blood there. Her voice was small when she spoke. “You’re dying.”

“I’m killing it,” you corrected, although – maybe you would die. The parasite rattled inside you, lighting your veins, pulsing burning hot blood through you. You let out a hiss, the veins against your wrist lighting into a startling yellow.

“It can’t feed if Y/N isn’t afraid,” the Doctor said. His voice was brittle. “It’s starving.”

Smoke boiled into tar, raining from the frayed edges of your jeans.

You shook your head, forcing your thoughts into consciousness. “You’re angry,” you said, although your voice hung for no one in particular.

It was like a switch. The Doctor’s sad eyes hardened, and he ran a hand through his hair. Tufts of hair stuck upright, and in an instant, he was moving. “Not yet,” he said, voice raised, frenzied. You tried to follow his movements, but sparkling dots met his footfalls. No – that wasn’t right. It was your own eyesight failing you.  

“You’ve been thick, oh so bloody thick,” he was near shouting, talking in that animated way when he had a crazy, stupidly successful plan. He turned suddenly, a collection of wires wrapped under his arms. You weren’t sure when he had gotten them – perhaps above the stage. His eyes locked on yours. “But I will save you. I’m going to win!”

You shook your head again. No, this was wrong. He wasn’t supposed to be doing this. The smoke clung to your skin, lifting goose bumps against it. Your skin writhed, every little bump crawling like bugs.

It gripped into your spine, tar wrapping against your spleen. It pulled you taught, and your body was flung into the air with the force of a ragdoll. You hovered there, tar oozing from your fingers and toes.

“Doctor,” your voice shook, but it was harder. It was firm against the dots in your vision and the low buzzing that surrounded you. “Doctor you need to listen to me-,”

“Donna,” the Doctor pointed towards her, ignoring you. “I need you to run this cord to the stage.”

She nodded, setting the conductor into Karyia’s arms. The Doctor moved onto Inari. “What’s the voltage power on those lights?”

Her reply was lost against a sharp ringing. You whipped your head to follow the noise, but no one else reacted.

They were moving, Donna was running with a chord, her gown gathered under one arm. Lights flickered. They danced like streetlights. Karyia gripped her tablet, knuckles paling to the shade of her palm. Collections of maps, code, and data swam in the air, holograms appearing like magic. She spoke, but you couldn’t make out the words.

The Doctor held his sonic against your form, feet planted on the ground. He was determined. He was afraid.

Your head buzzed, the parasite ripping itself against your skull. It was dying.

Whatever the Doctor’s plan was, it wouldn’t be fast enough.

But it was never going to be.

“Doctor – enough,” your voice was strong, cutting sharp through the ringing and their chatter.

The sonic flickered off.

“Listen to me – no. Don’t argue with me,” your voice was hot, unwavering. The Doctors mouth tightened to a close. In the corner of your eye, you saw Donna had hooked the chord into something, and was running back.

“For once in your life,” you continued. “You are going to listen, and you’re going to listen well. There isn’t enough time.”

The Doctor’s voice was hard. “There’s always enough time, I own time.”

You shook your head. “Not today. It needs a host. You know it does. It needs to be me.”

“No,” his jaw clenched, and he called out a series of numbers to Karyia. He turned back to you. “It doesn’t. It is never meant to be you.”

His words crushed into you. It was desperate, frayed at the edges. But it had to be you.

Donna came by the Doctors side, but her gaze sat on you. Her movements slowed, understanding lacing her features, building into a devastated, broken frown. Her gaze flickered across you, against the smoke and the tar and the air under your feet.

She knew.

Of course she did, Donna had always been quick.

Her voice was broken when she spoke. “If not you,” she said, her breath quicker. “Then it would be Karyia or Inari.”

“Because it is killed by love,” Karyia said softly. She was looking at a new graph, her eyes sad. “The stronger the love, the faster it dies.”

It was one of the more creative assassination attempts that you’d witnessed.

Your gaze fell onto the Doctors. Your smile was small, sad. “I’m sorry Doctor. You don’t have time,” you gave him a meaningful look. “It’s dying too quickly.”

The Doctors face fell. Shattered.  

“Doctor, there’s one thing – one key thing you must remember, okay,” you said, voice warm. “If there is one thing I have learnt travelling with you two it’s this: you, Doctor, are a good man. You save people. Maybe not everyone, not always, but you always save someone.”

"Then let me save-"

"No, Doctor. No interruptions," you turned to Donna. "And you Donna Noble,” you couldn’t help your grin. “You’re brilliant. You’re going to be the most important person in this universe, I just know it.”

Donna shook her head, eyes glassy. “Well you should bloody well get down here,” she said, although there was no heat in her voice. You struggled to hear, the ringing growing louder. “We need to be important together. Who else is gonna conspire with me?” She flung her thumb towards the Doctor. “This lump of a beanpole?”

You let out a watery laugh. “He better, you’re going to do big things Donna.”

Your gaze fell back to the Doctors. “Please don’t get angry. Keep saving people. I need you to promise me that.”

The Doctor swallowed, his jaw wobbled.

It was the way he looked at you though, with his big, round eyes, familiar even with the grief. It was then that it really, truly clicked for you.

The Doctor never looked at you like you were grand, like you restructured the planets you walked on, that you grasped onto individual matter and shaped it into golden stardust. You had never needed to.

The Doctor had always, always, looked at you like you were home. His home. And he was losing it.

He loved you, just as you loved him.

That’s what did it.

The ringing in your eyes cracked into the horizon, drowning his reply. It pulled your body taught, lifting you higher into the air. You strained against the pressure, it built against your ears, your eyes, your throat. The parasite writhed, its grip pulling against the insides of your cheeks and against your toes.

Distantly, you heard a scream. It sounded like your own.

Your head lolled behind you. Hanging against your back. This should have hurt, should have pulled and ripped against the muscles in your neck.

But it didn’t. All you could see was the land beyond you. The view was stunning. The sunset dipped into the red earth, its oranges, purples, pinks, and blues reflected in the river. It was wide, stretching into the mountaintops that were scattered in the distance. They were blanketed in white - you wondered if it was snow.

The water seemed to capture the music. It played it back to you, the way it ebbed and flowed playing a private melody that only you seemed to hear. It swam into your mind, drowning out the cries. Silencing the buzzing, ringing, that had consumed you. It was peaceful. It was perfect.

Of all the ways to die, this certainly wasn't the worst. Your fists fell open, and new energy twirled its way through you. It pulsed, dancing through your muscles, twisting against the tar.

It didn't hurt - a part of you, the rational part that knew you were dying, knew it should. You weren’t afraid of that though. You weren’t afraid of anything. Not even death. How could you be when the hills sung your name, and the river flowed with the stories you would never live to see. Your head was left buzzing, dizzy as your skull vibrated. Something bright leaked from your mouth, your eyes, your fingers. It was golden. It was hope. It was love.

It was you.

The river flowed strong, the water sparkling under the starlight. Huh. The time had changed. How long had your body been suspended here? Time had moved. Time continued. As it should do. As it always would do.

You couldn't see the view anymore, you couldn't see anything.

You weren’t golden anymore. Your body plummeted to the planet below.

A/N^2: whew this was much longer than expected. The final part is almost done (although, when I said that for this part it jumped from 2k to. um. this. so we’ll see) and will be out ASAP! Let me know if you’d like to be on the tag list!

Tag list - @fizzymilkduds​ @justfloatingthroughtime​ @girl-inthestars​ @howdidthishapen​ @hopefulfuturenovelauthor​ @felicitybane1412​ @fanthiccs​ @distinguishedmakerpandapatrol​ @yeehawbrothers​ @ghostyv​ @charleslec-airlines​ @jutima55​

[kookiesbuckethat]

careful what you wish for

Summary: After a tiring week of work, the last thing Jungkook wants to hear is you lecturing him about taking care of himself. But what if he could never hear your voice ever again?

Jungkook x f!reader

Genre: fluff + angst

WC: 4.5k

tag list: @awinkies @wedarkacademia​ @yiyi4657

Walking through the building of HBYE, your hurried footsteps are all that could be heard echoing throughout the empty hallways. As you speed walk towards your destination, you recall the conversation you just had with the other members as you passed by them on their way out. 

“Hey y/n!” they all greet you brightly despite the late hour. You approach them with a smile, but your smile slowly turns into a frown when you notice one person missing. “Where’s Jungkook?” you ask, although you already know the answer. Namjoon points over his shoulder with a heavy sigh, “He’s still practicing. We tried to get him to rest but he doesn’t listen.” Shaking your head in disapproval, you bid them goodnight before heading to their practice room to fetch said boy.

You had called him several times when he was late for the dinner you two planned, and when he didn’t answer any of your calls, you drove all the way to HYBE to give him a piece of your mind. You loved everything about Jungkook, including his hardworking and dedicated nature, but sometimes he didn’t know where to draw the line between working hard and overexertion. That’s when you and the other members would have to step in, stopping him before he could burn himself out.

You burst into BTS’ practice room, slightly panting from all the flights of stairs you had to climb because you were too impatient to wait for the elevator. “What are you doing here?” he asks as he stares blankly at you. “Nice to see you too,” you say sarcastically, crossing your arms over your chest as you give him an unimpressed look. “It’s already 1 am, shouldn’t you be at home?” he ignores your snarky comment as he states the obvious. 

“I could be saying the same about you,” you shoot back. He rolls his eyes at you, moving towards the monitor to start the music again. “Jungkook,” you call out. “That’s enough,” you say sternly. When he doesn’t seem to hear you, or at least he doesn’t acknowledge that he heard you, you start to get ticked off. 

“Did you hear me?” you ask, raising your voice as you try to be heard over the music. But he continues to dance as if you weren’t there at all. Stomping over to the monitor, you turn the music off, waiting for him to acknowledge that you’re there. “What is wrong with you Jungkook?” you ask frustratedly. Even though he could be stubborn, he was never this immature, going as far as ignoring your entire presence.

But just like you, he seemed to be reaching his patience’s end and your comment caused something in him to snap. “You’re what’s wrong with me!” he blurts out without thinking. “You’re always bothering me and telling me to rest and take care of myself. Don’t you understand how important work is? I can’t just take a break whenever I want to y/n!” he says glares at you coldly.

Ignoring the sharp pain in your chest caused by his harsh words and the tears forming in your eyes, you continue to fight back, “Everyone’s already left except for you!” You knew just how important his work to him was and he had your full support. But you also knew that he wasn’t required to stay hours later than everyone else and work himself to the point of exhaustion.

“You’re so annoying,” he mumbles under his breath. “Why? Because I’m right?” you spit out. “Because you never shut up!” he shouts at you, his breathing ragged as he stares at you. Any retorts you had get stuck in your throat as it constricts and it suddenly feels hard to breathe. You blink rapidly to keep your tears from falling, refusing to show how much his words affected you.

Jungkook doesn’t miss the hurt that flashes across your face, and it causes a tight feeling in his chest as his heart constricts. It almost makes him want to reach out to you and apologize. Almost. “You should leave, y/n,” he says staring down at the floor, regretful but too stubborn to say sorry. You open your mouth to protest against him, refusing to go home without him, but only a broken noise escapes you.

You could usually stand up to Jungkook because you knew at the end of the day, you two loved each other very much. But now, you’re heart was filled with so much insecurity. You’re always bothering me. You’re so annoying. You never shut up. You had no idea he felt this way about you, so how could you be so sure he even loved you anymore? With a silent nod, you keep your eyes cast to the floor as you cross the room, swallowing the lump in your throat when you reach the door. Jungkook hasn’t moved since he told you to leave, and you cast him a sad look over your shoulder as you reach for the doorknob.

“I love you,” you choke out. But he stays silent as his eyes remain on the floor. Your vision starts to blur as you stare at his back, desperately hoping for him to say it back. But he doesn’t. And when the first tear falls from your eyes, you’re rushing out the door feeling rejected and humiliated, something you’ve never felt around Jungkook before.

Still standing in the middle of the practice room, Jungkook is absolutely torn. This is what he wanted, isn’t it? For everyone to leave him alone so he could practice? He should be happy, but he can’t ignore the ache in his chest and the guilt weighing on his shoulders knowing he hurt you. Not wanting to think about it anymore, he jumps straight back into practice to distract himself.

When Jungkook finally decides he’s practiced enough for the day, he goes home to BTS’ shared apartment. “Jungkook?” Hoseok calls out in confusion, causing all the member’s heads to turn to Jungkook as he walks in through the front door. They remember passing by you earlier in the halls when you were on your way to bring Jungkook home, so what was he doing back here? They figured that you must’ve failed in getting him to stop practicing, but that still didn’t explain why he didn’t return home to you.

“What happened?” Jin questions him, immediately knowing something was up,  but Jungkook denies it. “Nothing happened,” he grumbles as he tries to walk past them, but Namjoon grabs his arm to stop him. Dropping his bag on the floor, Jungkook falls back onto the couch with a sigh knowing that nothing gets past them.

“We got in a fight,” he mumbles, remembering the hurt expression on your face or the tears that fell from your eyes when he said hurtful things to you. Before he knows it, Jungkook is breaking down in front of all his Hyungs, telling them everything that was said between you two. He knew he would get scolded, but he couldn’t bear the guilty weighing on his chest any longer.

“Jungkook,” Jimin sighs disapprovingly as shakes his head in disappointment, but he knows a scolding is not what the maknae needs right now. They could all see the guilt swimming around in his eyes and they knew he was sorry. “You know what to do,” Namjoon tells him as he stands from the couch. “Just don’t wait too long or you might regret it,” he says, patting Jungkook on the shoulder before they all walk away, giving him some time and space to think. If only Jungkook had listened.

It’s been four days since you and Jungkook fought and he still hasn’t returned home, let alone call you or text you. The house felt so cold and empty without him, and to make matters worse, you were starting to fall sick with a terrible cough. You didn’t want to be alone but you were hesitant to call Jungkook because you knew he was probably busy, and you weren’t sure if he would pick up your calls anyway.

But even though you two were upset at each other, you were still worried about his health and if he was taking proper care of himself. Despite his busy schedule as an idol, you’ve never been apart for more than a couple of days, seeing him for at least a few minutes before bed or before he leaves for work. Wanting to check up on him and make sure he’s okay, you decide to drop off some food for all the boys since they’ve been working so hard. 

As you drive to the company building with the food you picked up in the back of your car, your mind wanders to Jungkook as you think about facing him again. Is he still mad at you? Would he ignore you or would he apologize? You hoped it would be the latter, but your hopes were crushed as soon as you walked into the practice room. While all the boys welcomed you warmly as per usual, Jungkook acted as if you weren’t there at all. 

Because you never shut up! His words echo in your mind as you recall what happened the last time you were standing in this practice room. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you try to talk as little as possible, not wanting to annoy him or anger him anymore. You hated feeling like you were walking on thin ice with him but you didn’t know what else to do, hoping that he would eventually cool down and come to you.

You only stay for a few more minutes before you’re waving goodbye to them and stepping out of the practice room. “Wait y/n!” Jimin calls, causing you to stop and turn back around, “You’re not eating with us?” You simply shake your head and smile before you’re out the door. You would’ve loved to stay and eat with them but Jungkook clearly didn’t want you there and you didn’t want to invade on his lunch. You were content with just dropping off the food and leaving as long as you knew he would be eating well.

All the boys frown at your sudden exit. It was obvious Jungkook hasn’t talked to you yet and the fight must have been much more serious than they thought as they’ve never seen you two act so distant before. “You still haven’t talked to her?” Yoongi asks with a raised eyebrow. “I just haven’t had the time,” Jungkook lies as he shakes his head. He had many opportunities to go home and talk to you but he busied himself with work in order to avoid you.

He felt terrible for how he treated you, but it was easy to forget about it if he didn’t see you, as you were only a reminder of all the terrible things he said. But after seeing you stay silent for the whole duration of your visit, afraid to speak up because of something he said, he couldn’t ignore it anymore. He knew he had to apologize as soon as possible.

But even after his realization, it’s not until a few days later does he get a chance to go back to your shared apartment because of their packed work schedule. The apartment is dark and empty when Jungkook gets home, and he’s met with nothing but silence as he steps inside. “Y/n?” he calls out, waiting for some kind of response. He deflates slightly when you don’t answer him, but he knows he deserves it for avoiding you for almost a week.

While kicking off his shoes, he suddenly hears harsh coughing coming from the bedroom, causing his feet to move before his brain can even comprehend what’s happening. “Y/n?!” he asks, slightly panicked as he bursts into the bedroom and finds you sitting on the bed, your whole body being wracked forward with every cough that forces its way out of your throat. He rushes to your side, rubbing your back to help you through your coughing fit. As soon as you start to calm down, he hurriedly stands from the bed.

“I’ll be right back okay?” he says as he rushes out the bedroom and into the kitchen. He comes back seconds later, handing you a cup of water and telling you to drink it. He patiently watches as you sip on the water, hands clasped in his lap as he waits for you to say something, anything. But even after you bring the cup down from your lips, you remain silent, staring at the glass of water in your hands with a faraway look in your eyes.

When it was clear you weren’t going to speak up anytime soon, Jungkook breaks the silence. “Y/n?” he says quietly, causing you to look up at him. “Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?” he asks with a frown. He understood why you say anything to him about being sick, but even if you two were fighting, he didn’t want you to suffer alone and he would’ve dropped everything to come home and take care of you.

Every second that passes by, the heavier his heart becomes knowing that he was the reason for your silence. “Please say something,” he stares at you pleadingly. The guilt was becoming unbearable and he just needed to hear you say something, he just needed to know that you were okay. But when you open your mouth to say something, nothing comes out. Your eyes widen in panic as you bring a hand up to your throat. “What’s wrong?” he asks, alarmed by your reaction, “You can’t speak?” You shake your head as you ball the sheets tightly in your fists, trying your best to hold back your tears.

Internally, Jungkook was beginning to panic at your inability to speak, but he knew he had to remain calm for you. Gently urging you out of bed, he grabs a sweatshirt of his and hands it to you. “Let’s go to the hospital, okay? You’ll be okay,” he tries to reassure you, but it’s more for himself. Nodding at him, you pull the sweatshirt over your head before following him out the door.

Arriving at the hospital, you take a seat as Jungkook talks to one of the nurses at the front desk, and it’s not long before you two are brought into a room. After being asked a series of questions to which you could only nod or shake your head and having a few tests taken, the doctor steps out to retrieve your results. Jungkook can’t help but regard you guiltily as you sit in the hospital bed anxiously waiting for your results.

You had been suffering at home, alone all this time. What if he didn’t come home today? Would you have just gotten worse without anyone knowing? Shaking those thoughts from his head, he didn’t want to think of what could’ve happened had he not come home. He should have returned sooner, but now that he was here, he wasn’t going to abandon you again.

When the doctor reappears, both of your heads snap to the door as he looks at you with a solemn expression on his face. “It appears Ms. l/n’s case is worse than we imagined,” the doctor announces with a sigh. “We thought it was just a bad cough but your conditioned has worsened because you didn’t get it checked out right away which could mean,” the doctor pauses as he braces himself to tell you the bad news, “You may lose your voice permanently.”

Your whole world seems to come to a stop as those words leave the doctor’s mouth, and everything becomes hazy as he explains your treatment. No matter how hard you try to focus on his voice, his words don’t seem to reach your ears as you helplessly try to read his lips. Even then, the image of his face slowly starts to blur as the tears build up in your eyes.

“We’ll give you medication to take, and you’re not to use your voice at all for three days. After those three days, your voice should return if the medicine works properly. But if it does not,” he pauses with a dark look on his face, “Then I’m afraid there’s nothing more we can do.” You nod in understanding, trying to muster a small smile of appreciation as he walks out to give you two some privacy.

Before the door can even close behind the doctor, tears are already falling from Jungkook’s eyes as he stares at you with the most heartbroken expression on his face. He should have been there for you. That’s all he can think as you offer him a small smile telling him that it’s okay and you don’t blame him at all. But it only makes him cry harder, feeling responsible for all of this and wishing he did something sooner.

“I’m sorry, I take it back. I didn’t mean anything I said,” he cries as he takes your hands in his. “I love you,” he chokes out through his sobs as he desperately stares at you through his tears. “Please,” he begs as you try your best to hold back your tears for him. “Please say it back,” he cries as his head falls into your lap, clutching you tightly as he cries into your stomach.

A single tear escapes and drips down your cheek as he buries his face in your torso but you’re quick to wipe it away before he can see. You know he feels responsible for all this but you don’t blame him at all, and you don’t want him to blame himself either. All you can do is smile and pat his head, gently running your fingers through his hair to comfort him to the best of your ability.

Your last “I love you” echoes through Jungkook’s head as he remembers the last thing you ever said to him that night in the practice room. It absolutely crushes him to know that he didn’t say it back when he was able to because now, you can’t say it at all. Karma really was a bitch.

Jungkook is practically glued to your side during the days you spend recovering, fussing over you at every given moment. He’s taken some time off work not only to take care of you but to become better for you. The reason you got into an argument in the first place was because he was spending too much time at work and although changing now wouldn’t bring your voice back, he was determined to make it up to you in whatever ways he could.

“Are you hungry?” he asks to which you shake your head. “Thirsty then? Are you bored? Do you want to watch a movie?” he continues to fret about you. But even as you start to form a headache from shaking your head so much, you can’t help but smile fondly at him. You missed spending time at home together just enjoying each other’s company. As selfish as it sounds, it felt nice to feel like the focus of his attention for once. There wasn’t work or dance or music on his mind, just you. You knew what you were getting into when you started dating an idol, but for once, it felt like he loved you just as much as you loved him. Maybe even more.

As the days pass by, Jungkook seems to grow even more restless. Running around the house, looking for random things to do to keep him busy. But when the third day finally arrives, Jungkook does a complete one-eighty. Too afraid to find out if you truly lost your voice or not, he convinces you to wait an extra day, claiming that it’s better to give your voice an extra day to heal. You watch in amusement as Jungkook seems to be at war with himself. While he’s convinced you and himself to wait, he’s constantly asking how your throat feels and if you think it’s healed. 

When you finally get him to settle in for the night, you turn off the lamp as he slides into bed next to you. “Goodnight y/n,” he whispers as he places a kiss on your forehead, “I love you.” Ever since that day in the practice room, Jungkook has regretted not saying it back to you. So he’s made an effort to tell you he loves you as often as possible, making sure you knew how he really felt about you.

You agreed to wait to appease Jungkook and because a part of you was also afraid of the possibility of you truly losing your voice. But another part of you couldn’t stand the suspense any longer. You didn’t want to see the look on Jungkook’s face if you haven’t healed but there was no point in trying to avoid the inevitable. Closing your eyes to mentally prepare yourself, you take a deep breath before you open your mouth.

“I love you too,” you say softly. Your voice was still a little scratchy, but it was better than before. The fact that you could talk at all proved that your voice was not lost and slowly but surely, it would recover. The moment those words leave your mouth, Jungkook’s whole body freezes, his muscles going stiff as your voice registers in his mind.

Whipping his head around, he stares at you with wide eyes. “D-did-,” he stutters. “Did you just?” he can’t even form a proper sentence as he feels overwhelmed with emotions when you nod. In a flash, he throws his arms around your shoulders, causing you to fall back on the pillows as he buries his face in the crook of your neck.

Your wrap your arms around his waist as he hugs you tightly, pulling you close until there’s no space between you two as he sheds tears of relief. “I-” he hiccups, “I’m so glad you’re okay.” You feel his tears soak into your shirt as you gently rub his back. “I’m so sorry,” he cries harder.

“It’s okay,” you whisper into his hair and press a kiss on the top of his head. There was so much more you wanted to say to him, but even though your voice wasn’t lost, you still had to take it easy. Cradling his head to your shoulder, you gently run your fingers through his hair to soothe him.

Pulling away from him slightly, Jungkook looks up at you with watery eyes. The tip of his nose is red and he sniffles cutely as you gently use your thumbs to wipe away the tears on his cheeks. He pulls the blankets over the both of you before wrapping his arms around your waist, tucking your head under his chin as you place your hands against his chest. It felt like a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders as he fell asleep with you in his arms knowing that when you two woke up, everything would be okay.

The morning that Jungkook returns to work for the first time since your visit to the hospital, you have to practically kick him out of the house. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Jungkook asks for the tenth time that morning as you walk him to the door. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll be perfectly fine!” you insist as you give him a push towards the door, “Now hurry up or else you’ll be late.” But he easily resists your shove, pulling you in for a quick hug and a peck on the lips.

Ever since you had gotten sick, Jungkook was paranoid about leaving you alone, afraid he wouldn’t be there for you if you needed him. It was especially hard for him because he had taken a lot of time off to be with you during your recovery, so it was hard for him to go back. Peeling him off of you, you laugh at his clinginess before pushing him out the door and sending him to work.

Throughout the day, you receive many text messages and calls from him, checking up on you and asking how you are. He gives you updates on all the boys, even turning on his camera and allowing them to say hi. About an hour before the time Jungkook finishes work, you start to cook dinner so it’ll be hot when he comes home.

Blasting BTS’ songs throughout the house, you sing along while you stir the pot. Not hearing the front door unlocking or the approaching footsteps, you jump when a pair of arms wrap around you from behind. You let out a gasp before you hear Jungkook chuckle behind you, nuzzling his nose into the side of your neck. “Jungkook,” you breathe out in relief. “You scared me!” you lightly scold him as you smack him on the shoulder. But it only causes his laughter to grow as he backs off to go change.

Grabbing your phone, you pause the music now that he’s home, continuing to prepare the food. Walking back into the kitchen in a pair of sweats and an oversized t-shirt, Jungkook raises an eyebrow at you. “Where’d the music go?” he asks. “I just paused it,” you answer him simply as you gesture to your phone sitting on the counter. It wasn’t that Jungkook didn’t like you playing their songs at home, but you weren’t the best singer on the planet, choosing to be considerate and spare his ears now that he was home.

“I didn’t tell you to stop,” he says, reaching for your phone on the counter and pressing play. “Keep singing please?” he asks with his big, puppy dog eyes that he knows you can’t resist. You were no professional singer but he didn’t care, he just wanted to hear your voice. “As you wish,” you give in with a sigh before proceeding to sing along loudly, not always on key and probably bothering your neighbours but you didn’t care.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you ask sitting across the dining table from Jungkook. You had run out of things to talk about long ago but Jungkook insisted you keep talking, leading to you telling him about your day until you noticed how he was gazing at you. “Like what?” he asks. “Like... that,” you gesture to the way he’s resting his cheek on his palm as he continues to stare at you like you’re his whole world.

He shrugs nonchalantly as his eyes remain on you. “I like listening to you talk,” he admits unabashedly, causing your cheeks to heat up. Smiling at him, you continue to tell him about how you spent the whole day doing chores around the house. And even though Jungkook’s day was probably one hundred times more interesting than yours, he still listened as if you were talking about the most fascinating thing in the world because his favourite to listen to was you.

[mi-rae07]

Jeong Yunho : Monster (Part 1/2)

Pairing : Jeong Yunho (Ateez) and named character (Shin Ye-rin)

_________________________

A/n : Song recc - Nightmare by Sondia

___________________________

Yerin looked up as she heard a knock on her door, putting her pen down on the table as she said

Yerin : come in.

Her assistant rushed inside the office room, a few files in her hands. She placed them on yerin's desk with trembling hands as yerin sighed and said

Yerin : from prosecutor jeong, I presume?

Assistant : o-oh, yes miss, it's from him. He requested you to look through these.

Yerin : and where is he right now?

Assistant : he's preparing to go meet someone within a few minutes, miss shin.

Yerin let out a breath and stood up from her chair, walking out of her office as the assistant blinked in confusion. Yerin ran towards the entrance of the building she was in right now, knowing if she was fast enough, she could catch him.

And soon enough she did, just as yunho was about to step out of the building with his suitcase. Yerin blocked his path with her own body, making yunho look at her with done eyes.

Yunho : not again. Yerin-shi-

Yerin : no, not a word. Are you going to meet him again?

Yunho : and if I am?

Yerin let out an exasperated breath, not understanding why yunho was being so stupid.

Yerin : yunho-shi, you can't keep doing this. You're a prosecutor for god's sake, you can't be scheming with those people and working for them. You're supposed to-

Yunho : what, ‘work for the people’? No, that's what you go by, shin yerin. I'm done with that.

Yerin : that's not what you said when you first got this job.

Yunho : well then guess what, I've changed. Time's changed and I need to adapt with the circumstances.

Yerin : you know what those people did to your father, how can you fall for their schemes despite knowing all that-

Yunho : if you cannot do those files, then leave it. I'll pull an all-nighter for them.

Yerin : but this isn't about those files! It's about you!

Yunho : we do not need this entire building to know about this, yerin-shi. Keep your voice down.

Yerin : if I don't are you going to ask those thugs to murder me in my sleep, huh?

Yunho clicked his tongue in annoyance and pressed yerin against the wall, looking at her with a sharp gaze

Yunho : you think of me as a murderer?

Yerin : they're murderers, and you work with them. What else am I to assume?

Yunho : do not cross your limits, yerin. You are no one to me, you are of no importance to me, or my life. Do not mistake my patience for kindness.

As much as it hurt yerin to hear those words, she was used to it by now.

Yerin : you-

Yunho : no. what I do, is my fucking business, never yours. From next time onwards, I will assign those files to someone else, in that way you won’t have anything against me.

Yunho let go of yerin harshly as he stepped out of the building, walking hastily towards his car. The car those people had bought for him, in return for the dirty work yunho had done for them. Yerin watched as yunho drove away from her, feeling her head hurt. She hated how things were going, how different it was from how things used to be.

Yerin and yunho studied in the same college, emerged out as the top two candidates for the prosecutor post and they had both gotten it very easily. They had been prosecutors for at least 4 years now and the first 2 years were good enough. Yunho wasn't the type to get close to people, he didn't have a good relationship with his single mother either. But even then, he had been nice to yerin during those first two years, helping her out in certain problems and buying her soju when things got too hard.

But it was different now, has been since yunho became chief prosecutor a year ago. Now the yunho that once used to work for the people despite not being as kind as you would expect someone to be, had turned to the more profit-making side of this job. Except huge profits came with huge losses, and the people yunho was dealing with for these profits, were dangerous.

They were the ones who caused the death of yunho's father after all.

_______________________

Yunho declined his mother's call, sighing as he turned the car towards yet another diversion lane. The last thing he wanted to do right now was talk to the woman who caused him to be the man he is today. She was the reason his dad fought with those people, and now she was the reason yunho was doing business with the same people.

He knew how dangerous they were, but he also knew the money they offered him for doing the work they wanted him to, was large. And this was what his mother wanted him to do, what she had starved him for, what she had locked him up in his room with books for. This was what she had ruined his life for. And since he couldn't undo the nightmare that his childhood was, he decided to do exactly what went against all his principles. Form schemes with the bad people and turn into someone like them in the future.

What did he have to lose anyway?

Yunho finally parked his car in the lawn, stepping out into the mansion that was owned by the CEO of Korea's biggest construction group. Yunho walked towards the inside of the mansion, not bothering to look at the security guards bowing at him. He wished his mother could see all of this, how powerful he had become.

Yunho smiled as Choi Han walked towards him, a wide smile on his face as well. The only difference between their smiles were that yunho's was forced, as it always has been. Yunho bowed as he said

Yunho : mr choi.

Han shook his head as he patted yunho's shoulder, chuckling before saying

Han : I've told you many times to just call me han, yunho-ya.

Yunho hated the way han talked to him as if he had known yunho since he was little.

Yunho : you're in a much higher position than I am-

Han : you're literally the chief prosecutor, don't talk about positions now.

Yunho smiled, letting han lead him to the living room as han plopped down on a chair and motioned yunho to sit opposite him. Yunho sat down, looking at han as he said

Yunho : is there something that needs to be done, han-shi?

Han : cutting right to the chase?

He hated every second he was in this house.

Yunho : I have a lot of work to do, hence.

Han : of course, of course. You're the chief prosecutor, after all. All thanks to me, hmm?

No, all thank to the 10 years of hardwork yunho had to put himself through, the 10 years of torturous planning that he had to do, the 10 years of his life he never got to live.

But yunho didn't say any of that, because if he did, it would be destruction. Han liked his pride and ego to be fed, it was one thing yunho had noticed since the beginning. And so he smiled as wide as he could and said

Yunho : of course, it always will be.

Han : hmm. So! The reason I called-oh wait, do you want tea or anything?

And give han a chance to poison him? Yunho would rather not.

Yunho : oh no, no. I already had my lunch, han-shi.

Han : with prosecutor shin, I'm sure?

Yunho looked up at that, trying not to let the shock show in his face. Because if he did, han would understand, and he would use her against yunho. She was his weak point, he couldn't let that ever be known to han. And for him to already know yunho was close with yerin, he had to stop it before it was too late.

Yunho : Shin Yerin?

Han : who else. It was either her, or you for us. You were both smart, at the top of your leagues. But she seemed to lean more towards the people, you know, the 'prosecutor for the good causes' bullshit. You were more smart.

More easier to control, he means.

Yunho : ah, well yes. Yerin is just another prosecutor for me, I give her work when I need to and eat lunches with her in order to prevent her from prying against me. That's all, she's just a tool.

She was anything but all of that for yunho. How he wished he could care less about yerin.

Han : good for you, then. Anyway, what I called you for, is to give you this.

Han picked up the file lying next to him on the seat before handing it over to yunho, who took it with a confused frown.

Yunho : this…

Han : is a future case of yours. My group's been accused of putting workers under very poor conditions, to the point where a few of our workers are in critical condition in hospitals.

It wasn't an accusation, it was true. It was written all over in the article that was in the file.

Yunho : they've inhaled poisonous smoke.

Han : yes. But that's not really my fault, is it? I'm not the one who asked them to inhale it? They just should’ve been more careful.

Yunho looked up at han, his lips pressed together tightly. Everything in him told him to throw these papers at han's face and let him rot in jail. But yunho knew better. Han chuckled and said

Han : you'll appear as their prosecutor, obviously, since this is such an important case. I want you to make sure you lose this particular case.

Yunho chuckled as he said

Yunho : for the first time, you want me to lose a case, han-shi?

Han : I'm aware losing's not really your thing, you're used to winning. But sometimes we need to lose in order to understand the value of our gains, don't we?

Yunho smiled, shaking his head as he looked up at han and said

Yunho : I'm not going to lose anything this time either, han-shi. I'm going to gain a lot of money for this loss, after all, aren't I.

Han smiled proudly, yunho's words being proof that he had trained him well.

Han : of course, you never truly lose, jeong yunho.

Yunho : whatever business I do with you will always be a win, anyway.

Han smiled wide as yunho stood up, the same crooked smile yunho despised. But he bowed anyway, gripping the file tight in his hand as he said

Yunho : I'll make sure to lose this case for you, choi han.

_________________________________________

Yunho walked inside his office room, pausing at the sight of yerin sitting in his desk, looking through files, his files. Was she sneaking up on his work?

Yunho : what the fuck are you doing?

Yerin flinched at the sound, quickly standing up as she let go of the papers she was earlier looking through. She didn't seem shocked at the sight of yunho, it seemed like she was just waiting for him to come. She didn't even wanna hide it.

Yerin : how many people have you manipulated for him?

Yunho threw his suitcase aside, rushing towards his table as he held yerin's arm, pushing her aside harshly as she hissed.

Yunho : did you just go through my files?

Yerin : and if I did?

She was only adding more fuel to his fire.

Yunho : what the hell is wrong with you, shin yerin!

Yerin : you're killing people, yunho. These cases that you win unlawfully, they're causing innocent people harm!

Yunho : WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I CARE, HUH?

Yerin flinched at that, looking up at yunho who stepped closer to her, eyeing her with dangerous eyes. And looking into them, for the first time, yerin felt her heart race from fear.

Yerin : y-yunho, don’t come closer.

Yunho chuckled, only stepping closer to yerin at that as he whispered

Yunho : why? Are you scared I'll kill you as well?

Yerin's breath hitched, her hands clenching behind her as she said

Yerin : no. no, no I'm not scared of you.

She was trying to convince herself, hope that whatever was happening, wasn't really happening. Yunho trapped yerin against the wall, leaning down as he whispered against her lips

Yunho : really? Look into my eyes and say it then. Tell me you're not scared of me, yerin.

Yerin bit her lips, gathering up unknown courage to look up at yunho. When she finally did, she tried not to flinch at the way he was staring at her. Yunho was never a kind person, but he was never a bad person to her either. But now, with those eyes, telling him she wasn't scared would be a lie.

Yerin : I…this, yunho-shi-

Yunho : why? Am I scaring you now?

Yerin : no stop.

Yunho : why should I? why should I when you started this first? I kept telling you to mind your own business, for two fucking years I've been telling you to not meddle in my business. THEN WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL NOT QUITING SHIN YERIN!

Yerin flinched, pressing herself harder against the wall, hoping she could just leave. But yunho didn't seem to care. Instead han's words ran through yunho's mind, causing it to only hurt more. He knew he had to do this, the more closer yerin tried to get to him, the more were the chances han would find out about her. And yunho would rather die than have someone hurt yerin.

Yerin : I didn't want you to get into trouble.

Yunho : trouble? I am trouble, yerin. I am the trouble here, you told me earlier didn't you? That I caused the death of so many people? Yeah, yes I did. And so? So what, am I supposed to go and fall on my knees in front of their families?

Yerin pressed her lips together, feeling tears in her eyes from how harsh his words were.

Yunho : this is how the world goes on, yerin. There's no other way through this and you alone cannot fucking stop this system that's run for centuries now.

Yerin : but I can try to stop you-

Yerin cut herself off as yunho laughed, the laughter sounding even more scarier to her.

Yunho : stop me? You? You think you matter enough for me to stop just because you said so?

Yerin : y-yunho.

Yunho : don't delude yourself, yerin-ah. You don't matter to me, at all, your life is of no importance to me. Because if time needs me to, I can kill you off as well. I can kill you, and get away with it without feeling an ounce of guilt.

Yerin felt tears stream down her eyes, pressing her lips together to prevent sounds from coming out. Yunho stepped back, knowing he had gone to the extent he wanted to, the extent that would finally stop yerin from being close to him.

Yerin breathed heavily, wiping her tears with shaky hands as she said

Yerin : you…you are a bad person, the worst of anyone I've ever seen, jeong yunho. I never-never should have met you.

Yerin walked out of the room, her entire self shaking in sorrow. As soon as yerin left, yunho let out a shaky breath, falling on the floor as his own tears fell from his eyes. He had done this to himself, so if anything he deserved to cry, to feel this pain.

But that didn't make it any better for him, not when yerin was the only one person who truly stood by his side. And not when he loved her.

________________________

Yerin walked towards the CEO's office room in the building, not understanding why he had to call only her and yunho to his room. She had been trying to avoid yunho for a week now, not even looking in his direction. She didn't know whether her absence seemed to make any difference in his life but after what he had told her that day, she didn't think he even cared.

But now, because of this, she'd have to face the one man she didn't want to face anymore.

Yerin inhaled deeply before opening the door to the law firm's CEO's office room, her eyes landing on yunho who was already sitting on one of the sofas. Just as he looked up at her, yerin looked away from him, bowing at the CEO instead

Yerin : you called for me, sir?

Ji-hyun : yes, please sit down, prosecutor shin.

Yerin sighed and closed the door behind her before sitting on the sofa next to yunho's, still not looking at him.

Ji-hyun : I wish to resign this position.

Yerin's eyes widened in shock, yunho blinking his eyes in confusion at the sudden reveal.

Yunho : right now?

Ji-hyun : yes, I'm going to be 60 this year after all.

Retiring at that age was quite understandable, except yerin would've expected ji-hyun to be saying this in front of all his employees, not just two.

Yerin : well then, why did you call only the both of us for this?

Ji-hyun : you know I do not have any children, hence I have no one to leave this law firm to.

Yerin's eyes widened as realization dawned upon her.

Yerin : wait…you're not-

Ji-hyun : I am. I wish to hand over this company to either one of you.

Yunho let out a breath, leaning back against the sofa.

Yerin : sir, that's…that's too much to take from you.

Ji-hyun : why, I'm giving it to you freely, aren't I? I just need you to make a decision amongst yourselves as to who would take over, that's all.

It was a pretty big decision, yunho supposed time would be required.

Yunho : we will consider it and tell you within-

Yerin : I don't want this company.

Both the other men looked at yerin with shocked eyes, not expecting that so soon. Yerin stood up as she said

Yerin : I wished only to become a prosecutor, nothing more and nothing less than that. Handling a company and doing things separately for the sake of it's profits are not something that I wish to do in this life of mine.

Yunho knew exactly who she was addressing those words to.

Ji-hyun : miss shin-

Yerin : I appreciate the offer, sir, but I'm afraid I cannot take it as it goes against my principles. I'm sure prosecutor jeong would do a much better job after you than I ever could.

Yunho sighed, looking away. Of course yerin would say this, he should've known. Yerin bowed at her CEO before saying

Yerin : I hope you have a good retirement, sir.

_________________________

Yunho : I need to see her.

Assistant : but sir, I have to ask her whether it's okay to let you in-

Yunho : I'm the chief prosecutor, she doesn't need you to ask her for the permission, so step aside.

Assistant : sir-

Yunho : step aside before I cause your firing, miss lee.

The assistant stepped aside at those words, her mouth pressed into a thin line as yunho knocked on the door and opened it. He knew if he were to ask to be let in, he would never be able to see yerin, he knew her enough.

Yerin looked up from her desk at the knock, expecting to see her assistant. But as soon as she saw yunho entering instead, she froze, her breathing getting shallow.

Yerin : why the hell are you here?

Yunho : we need to talk.

Yunho closed the door behind him before walking towards yerin's desk, sitting down on the chair opposite hers. She moved back from her desk, the fear from that day still lingering.

Yerin : we have nothing to talk about.

Yunho : yes we do, about the inheritance of the law firm.

Yerin : I told you I'm not taking it.

Yunho : yerin-

Yerin : no, you think I'll listen to you? Let me tell you, then, jeong yunho. You don't matter to me so much that I will do anything you ask me to. Hence you may stop wasting your time and leave.

She was using his own words against him, and yunho had to pretend those words had no effect on him now.

Yunho : you think I can really handle this company well?

Yerin : aren't you already used to doing dirty works for profit's sake?

Yunho : that's why I can't do this, yerin. It won't be fair play.

Yerin : the world isn't fair, and one person cannot break the system, you told me that.

Yunho : it won't be just one person anymore if you take this company.

Yerin : don't be such a hypocrite, jeong yunho. A week ago you told me I couldn't break the system. You told me you didn't care about the people, or fairness. You told me you cared only about your own profit. Now you're here, asking me to take over this company for the sake of same people you said you didn't care about? What sense do you make?

Yunho let out a breath, looking away from yerin as he whispered

Yunho : I have my reasons, yerin-

Yerin : then tell me what those are!

And put her in danger? Yunho would rather die.

Yunho : I can't.

Yerin : then get out.

Yunho : please, I cannot take this company, it must be you.

Yerin : yunho I told you-

Yunho : if I take this company, han is going to control it.

Yerin : what?

Yunho : don't you understand? If I become the CEO, Choi Han is going to use me and control this company for his own benefits. He's only going to gain more power if I take this, so please.

Yerin : you're supposed to be glad of that, shouldn't you? You work for him, yunho, you're supposed to be finding all this beneficial, if anything-

Yunho : please. Please, you need to understand-

Yerin : I CAN'T UNDERSTAND IF YOU DON’T FUCKING TELL ME!

Yunho : I can't tell you because that knowledge would put you in danger, shin yerin!

Yerin : but you don't care about that! You told me you didn't care about me, or my existence. Then what-

Yunho : I don't, I don't care about you.

That was a lie. Yerin let out an exasperated breath, not being able to understand yunho anymore. She was done, and tired.

Yerin : this is torture, yunho. Every single second I spend with you is just torture.

Yunho : yerin-

Yerin : no, no I'm tired. I'm trying to understand you, yunho, I've always been trying. But you're…you're so cruel to me, you make me feel like my existence makes no difference in your life. Which, yes, maybe I don't. But you don't say things like that in front of a person, yunho. You don't scream those things at me, and then scare me, and threaten me with my own life.

Yunho pressed his lips together, not having anything to say to any of that. He knew he was a bad person.

Yerin : the only thing that I can understand from your actions, is that you're not capable of feeling or understanding human emotions anymore.

Yunho looked up at yerin, feeling his heart break. She thinks he isn't capable of love anymore, she thinks of him as a non-living thing now?

Yerin : you're not human anymore, jeong yunho. You've turned into some sort of a monster, incapable of loving someone, or bringing someone happiness.

Yunho couldn't stand this any longer, he couldn't hear things like this from the one person he loved with all his heart. Not without bursting out in tears. And so he stood up, shaking his head as he said

Yunho : we'll talk some time else.

Yerin : what, that's going to change my decisions?

Yunho : no, but it could change my circumstances.

___________________________

Yerin let out a breath, leaning back against her chair as she thought of what she had said to yunho and the way he had looked at her. She regretted it, she never should have said things like that to someone like yunho, not when she knew the things yunho had to go through when he was a child. She didn't know all of it but the some things that she did know, were terrible enough.

Yunho had never shown her a single moment of vulnerability from his side, instead he had always unknowingly been her pillar of support whenever she needed him. But the way he had looked at her when she said he was incapable of human feelings anymore, it showed hurt. He was quick to hide it, but she saw it, the pain in his eyes.

She wished she could take it back, she wished it had never happened. But now yunho had gone out somewhere and it had been 5 hours, he still had not returned to his office. She supposed she should just wait for him and apologize later.

Just as she was about to go back to her work she felt her phone ring, quickly leaning over as she picked up the call from an unknown number

Yerin : hello?

??? : is this shin yerin-shi?

Yerin : yes, it is me.

??? : we're calling from the medical center, do you perhaps know someone by the name of jeong yunho?

Yerin felt her heart race at that, her breath hitching in her throat as she asked

Yerin : yes, yes I do. Did...did something happen to him?

??? : he's gotten into a small car accident, you were the most used contact in his phone that we retrieved so we called you first. We would appreciate it if you could come here as soon as possible, miss shin.

______________________

[yessoupy]

harry, i love u. (part 1)

but more to the point, i love my harriatrics.

i am home, emotionally exhausted, physically ill, and still awaiting my delayed luggage to be delivered, but here is my slane and wembley 1+2+3 review.

i spent a few days roaming around counties clare and galway prior to linking up with the ladies in dublin for slane. straight off the plane i hired a car and drove to the west. i needed to kill some more time before checking into my airbnb so i hit the cliffs of moher (again) because it was SUNNY and DRY. it turns out, the west is/was in a drought. dust everywhere.

my airbnb this time around was in fanore. perfect for one person and a nice location for what i like to do. my next day i took the doolin ferry to inishmore and rented an e-bike. rode around the island, had a lovely lunch of a salad and a coke, and hiked up to dun aonghase where it was WINDY and i almost lost my tourist hat but i have catlike reflexes. view from the fort:

aran goat cheese salad:

kilmurvey beach, where i did not get in but will next time for sure:

on my final full day, i went to the doolin cave to see the third-largest stalactite in the world. the scale is hard to convey in a picture:

it was really cool! literally and figuratively. also a pleasant 95% humidity which i needed because it was SO DRY the whole time i was there.

on saturday morning i lit out from the west and dropped my car off at the airport, then got a taxi to the hotel to meet up for the rest of my harries for breakfast. @papiermachecat did a great job of summarizing that except she left me out, which i'm not bitter about at all. lol.

marathon did a great job of organizing all of us to get to and from slane. here is an employee manning the coach pickup:

here's mitch opening!

annie mac in the "rain"!

wet leg!

inhaler!

and our boy!

it's hard to convey the size of the crowd. i took some pictures, but i'm sure you've seen overhead shots that are much better. knowing about the historical nature of slane shows ... i'm so glad i got to be there with some of my very best fandom friends. also, much like the men of easy company would say, "at least it's not bastogne" whenever they had a cold winter, after every trek home post-show we can all say "at least it's not slane."

the day after the show, @chasm2018, @aggresivelyfriendly, and i walked around dublin. we had dinner at the bank which was cool, and i got some very good fish and chips:

dublin put on a show for us, sunny and warm:

we tried to find ice cream and failed:

but eventually ended up at instagrammable cloud nine and it was very good, will try the gelato in july. no pics, because ice cream.

one environmentally regrettable thing about the impact of the 2021 grammy outfit are the molting boas. here is the day-after shot of where the coaches let us off in dublin:

after a final breakfast at our hotel (my eggs florentine below), we took a (delayed) flight to london.

my relationship with london is .... like yes, there are cool old buildings but i hate the monarchy? the one thing i wanted to do in london besides see harry was go to the british museum, which we did on our off-day. anyway. @chasm2018 and i stayed at an airbnb in fitzrovia. we had a late lunch/early dinner at wahaca (yes i know) which was surprisingly good! the rainbow bowl:

(i took a lot of food pictures for my dad and sisters, so this is what you get too i guess.)

me in front of wembley!

wembley 1 saw us in bishopsgate, which was a much smaller pod than at slane. @chasm2018 and i helped to remove an interloper (some guy who was being obnoxious and bragging about sneaking into the pod who didn't end up having a ticket at all?). look don't brag about sneaking in AND be obnoxious.

harry was incredible, of course, and when i have the energy to go through the pictures on my camera (this is ALL from my phone) i will share those with you.

london was done up for pride month:

on wednesday, @chasm2018 and i got bottomless chai (chocolate chai pictured) at dishoom and gorged on indian food.

also apparently that night (or the next? idk) my platonic baseball soulmate spent 3 hours behind olivia in line for that restaurant. she was offered a pass to go to the front of the line but refused it! what a woman.

idk what this was but it looked neat and that far building looks suspiciously like the dorm in maynooth that looks like a prison on the inside.

for wednesday's show i had seats with my friend from the leadership conference i do in ireland, so i entered separately and hanging out by the red zone was this guy

our boy was ALSO great during night 2, from the seats:

he played love of my life and i just love YELLING that at him!!!! from the seats I got a better idea of just how fucking massive the crowd is, and how full of love the stadium is when he plays. more of that later.

post-show activities included leftover indian (wow was it spicier) and harry talking to zane lowe about absolutely nothing.

thursday we had afternoon tea at the savoy (fucking delicious) with @accidentalharrie and went to the british museum to see things stolen from other places. this included THE rosetta stone (wild) and bits of the parthenon.

i really do love a greek vase!!! they can be so funny, like this one with drunk satyrs:

on the reverse is a .... kylix-stand?

she!

by friday, the hay fever had put me into quite a state. i was a bit of a drag!! we walked around the tower of london and westminster abbey. goddddddd i hate tourists so much.

here's white tower, the oldest bit of the tower of london, built by william the conqueror. my 27th great grandfather invaded england with william, so we're like family. lol.

notice not a cloud in the sky. so much sun and no rain which means .... every bit of pollen was in the air, wreaking havoc.

and i'm out of room for photos, so hang on for part 2.

[cinefairy]

HERE IS MY PROOF THAT MANIFESTATION IS REAL

One time i was biking around my neighborhood with my friend on my back and we stopped by a hump bc a car was passing through, and i'm always anxious of biking over humps bc i fear of falling or losing balance but i never really had anything rlly bad happened, except for this one time😸😸 so my dumbass imagined a scenario where i drove past the hump and fell, and i thought "what if that happens🧍🧍🧍" (im so stupid) so the car passed through.....we drove over the hump.......and the exact scenario i imagined happened💀😹😞I fell with my bike and sprained my foot and broke a toe nail🤗🤗 my friend is fine though dw😹😹

Moral of the story

1. Manifestation is real

2. Manifestation is rlly easy

3. Manifesting is stupidly fast so b careful

4. Mental diet is important😭😭

5. Im an idiot💀

LOOL! no truly manifestation IS real. but ouch hope you get better

[obetrolncocktails]

Karma Sutra | Sam Kiszka X Reader |Part 4|

Warnings: Brief discussion of death and grief, trouble conceiving, the rest is just sweet, sweet fluff, with some angsty ideas floating under the surface.

Word Count: 4.3K

A/N: after a long hiatus from this series, it is back and better than ever. I am so excited to continue this story for all of you who have a hankering for some Sam content.

Have you read the rest of the series? Catch up! Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Here is the link to the song I mentioned in the fic! "Everything Has Its Place"--Young Mister

For weeks, you and Sam played the same dance, traveling between your apartments to test each other’s boundaries. He is extremely patient–a quality of his that you never expected, but one that makes you feel comfortable and cared for. “When you’re ready, I will be here. I won’t ask for anything more than what you are comfortable with,” he said to you a few days ago after a particularly intimate evening together. In that moment, it really wasn’t even about sex. He knew that you were still a virgin. You were hesitant to talk about it at first, impressing the stigma that had haunted you your entire adolescence. You’re inexperienced, childish, uncool, undesirable. Because you haven’t had sex. 

You wanted your first time to matter, and with Sam, you were not afraid to talk about it. In past years, you had found yourself in several situations where you felt like you had connected with someone, only for them to pressure you into sexual favors. You’d always shut down after that. The stigma encircling virginity nauseated you. You were no less of a woman for not having had sex with someone; you weren’t prepared to be that vulnerable with just anyone. Over these past few weeks, you were beginning to feel your exterior becoming less and less of an impenetrable fortress and more of a house with doors whose locations were only disclosed one at a time and only to a very trusted person. 

“So I was thinking,” Sam said as he drove to dinner, stealing glances at you. “The winter formal is coming,” He paused, seemingly fraught with nerves. “I was wondering if you wanted to go with me.” You’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel butterflies take over your body. You couldn’t help but grin at him, your face most likely looking ridiculous. “What?” he said through a chuckle, looking at you. You shook your head, reaching for his hand. 

“You–Sam Kiskza,” You said, entertained by the question, “Voluntarily attending a college dance? With one girl…one…” You poked up one finger in the air, poking fun at his previous lack of monogamy. He eyed you softly before focusing back on the road, remaining silent. He’s serious. 

“Sam, I’d love to go with you,” you answered, reaching for his hand. He glanced at you with a soft smile, taking your hand. 

“I have another question for you,” he codntinued matter of factly, pulling up to a red light. 

“Uh oh,” you responded, beaming at him with a toothy grin. 

“Come on, I’m being serious,” he said, squeezing your hand. 

“Okay, what is it?” you asked, realizing that he wasn’t as playful as you thought he would be. His expression was pulled forward as if deep in thought. 

“Well, we’ve been spending more and more time together, and I just…I have more than just casual feelings for you” He paused, searching for the next words. “I just, I wanted to know if you wanted to be like…,” he paused again, leaving the car silent as he drove forward in response to the green light. You decided to take a risk. 

“Be your girlfriend?” You asked, a cringe rolling down your body, preparing for the embarrassment. Except, it didn’t come. You heard Sam audibly sigh as if releasing a ton of pressure from his body. 

“Yes.” He grasped your hand tighter and you could see his cheeks reddening as if he were a little kid, innocently asking a pretty girl to be his girlfriend at recess. 

“I’d love that,” you said, wishing you could kiss him without wrecking the vehicle. “I wish you’d have asked me while we were parked so I could kiss you.” 

He chuckled, turning off into the nearest parking lot, which ended up belonging to the local Bank of America branch. He placed the car in park and instead of leaning over the dash, he got out of the vehicle completely, coming over to your side and opening your door for you. 

“Hold please.” He said with a smirk, reaching for his phone. After tapping a few buttons, you could hear a new song begin to play. You recognized it. It was one of your favorite songs, “Everything Has Its Place” by Young Mister. He handed out his hand for you to take. “Can I have this dance?”

“Sam, what?” You looked outside of the vehicle, at the cars rushing by and at the people driving through the ATM line. “Right here?”

“Come here.” He asked simply with a nod, this time reaching for your hand and pulling you up and out of the car. This certainly wasn’t a conventional way to woo a woman, but you would remember this forever. You stood in front of him, leaving the car open, listening to the lilt of the music fill the space around you. He pulled you into him naturally, lacing one hand in yours and the other around your waist. He matched the tempo of the music in a simple two-step rhythm. Your belly bounced with the feeling of wanting to cry, wanting to kiss him, wanting to laugh. He made you feel so special, and it was impromptu moments like these that made you genuinely happy to be with him. 

You listened to the familiar lyrics as you danced with him. 

Everything has its place

It is certain to me now

Wild and arranged

We were built for the same purpose somehow

Every word in the world

Could join hands and sing

And still fall short of ever

Capturing

As sure as a ring goes with a hand

Stars with the moon

Just like the ocean pairs well with the sand

I go with you.

“I’ve been working on my form,” He said finally, prompting you to lift your head to look up at him. “Mm, and how’s that working for you,” you asked, your smile so large it was beginning to ache. 

“I haven’t blown it with her yet, I don’t think,” he responded, bending down closer to you. 

“For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing a great job,” you said, leaning in, waiting for him to close the gap with the warmth of his lips. “You’re perfect.”

***

“I never thought you’d end up with him is all I’m saying,” Paige said, sprawled out at the end of her bed, idly scrolling through her phone. “He���s always been so…slimy. Sexy, I’ll give you that–but slimy. The ultimate fuck boy.” She broke her gaze from her iphone to find your eyes discovering that you were not amused. 

“What?” She said, shrugging and rolling to her side, resting on her elbow. “You’re gonna tell me you didn’t think he was a total fucking douche before you guys got together?” She was annoyingly smacking several sticks of bubblegum and her auburn curls fell into her face, causing her to have to blow at them from out the corner of her mouth. “And let’s be honest. You and him? Not the best match.” 

You rolled your eyes at her keeping the secret of the twinge of hurt writhing deep within your gut when she pointed out the obvious. “He’s notorious, Y/n. Don’t get me wrong, he’s  beautiful, maybe even a work of art–but is he the real thing, or just a cheap, poor-quality reproduction? Smoke and Mirrors can only work for so long until the jig is up.” 

“Can you stop speaking in metaphors and leave my boyfriend out of this?” She had hit a sensitive spot and you couldn't help but throw up a new boundary, even to your best friend. 

“Boyfriend? Since when did that happen?” She pressed, her eyes widening. “Sam doesn’t do that thing. I’ve never pinned him as the person to settle.” Paige was beginning to agitate you. 

“Settle? You think he’s settling with me?” You asked, suddenly pissed off. 

“No, no, no!” She said, springing forward with her hands up in front of her in a defensive display. “That’s not what I meant. I just think he’s scared of domesticity.”

You lowered your hackles and adjusted in bed. “He’s been my boyfriend since he asked me. And it was very sweet the way he asked.” You paused before asking sarcastically, “Since when did you know everything about him?” You wanted to keep yours and Sam’s dance to yourself. You usually told Paige everything, but at this point, you felt that there were newfound boundaries for the things that you could reveal to her. She had a problem with Sam and it bothered you that she continued to shit on him. The Sam you knew was very different from the Sam she claimed she did. From there on out, you decided that you would keep the special things in your relationship to yourself. Paige wouldn’t share the same excitement for you as you would ever hope for. You felt that any information given to her in good confidence would be scrutinized as if it were all an act or some kind of joke. 

“I’m sure he recycles those words for everyone.” She said, which was the final straw. “I don’t trust him, and I don’t like him.”

“You know what? Since you know everything, read the obvious,” you said, getting up out of the bed and throwing your middle finger up, storming out of the apartment.

“What? Y/n, I wasn’t trying to–” Slam. You threw the front door closed, listening to it rattle the walls as you huffed down the sidewalk. 

“Y/n, stop! I’m sorry, I was just–” You cut her off as you stomped to your car. 

“You were just shitting on my boyfriend, someone who I like very much. Why do you care so much?” you spat at your best friend, pissing yourself off at the realization. “Are you fucking jealous?” you asked in disbelief, a sardonic chuckle escaping into the parking lot of the complex. 

“What? Y/n are you on crack?” Paige said, walking to the end of the sidewalk with her arms crossed across her chest. 

“Nevermind, forget it. I’m just PMSing. I’m sorry,” You ended the argument before it could start, but you continued to walk away. “I’m tired. I’m just gonna go home.”

“You could just stay here,” she tried.

“No, I just don’t feel good, and you know I like being in my own bed,” you said, shrugging your shoulders. You didn’t have the energy to fight with her, so you decided it was easier to lie and escape. You felt a big helping of sorrow, enough for the both of you, drop to the bottom stomach. It left you with anxiety as you drove away from her apartment and it took you far too long to realize that you were holding your breath. Heaving a sigh, you called the first person you could think of. 

“Hey, what are you up to?” You said in a neutral tone, trying your best to conceal the upset. 

“I just got done at the piano store. What’s wrong?” He asked. Dammit. Cover blown. Was it really that easy to tell?

“Nothing, I just–I miss you.” You admitted, pulling up to a red light. Dusk was approaching, only a few streaks of pink remained in the sky. 

“Well, I’m on Gusset Road. Only five minutes away. Wanna come over?” He asked. You had only been to his apartment once, and it was when his roommates were nowhere to be seen. 

“Uh, are the boys going to be there?” you asked him. 

“Probably, but who cares. Don’t worry about them, Y/n. They probably have their own share of problems to worry about–venereal disease? Waking up drunk somewhere…maybe even naked.” he said. You could tell he was grinning on the other side of the phone. 

“Okay.” You said. Sam’s roommates were insufferable. You knew them to be jackasses; any and every interaction you’d ever had with them usually began and ended with a comment on your appearance. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, baby. Completely up to you.” 

“No Sam, It’s all good. I want to see you. I’ll be there in ten,” you said, deciding to take one for the team. If you were going to be exclusive with him, you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable walking the walk. You chose to step out of your comfort zone and reroute to meet him at his apartment. 

You got there after him, but luckily he was still parked in his space waiting for you. Of course, he looked effortlessly handsome. You parked in the open space beside him, offering him a smile as you turned your car off and got out. 

“Well, hello lovely,” He said with a sing-songy voice, getting out and closing his car door, pulling you to him. He leaned in and kissed you softly. “How is my sunshine?” He smoothed the hair down on the top of your head before placing a kiss there. 

“I’m alright,” you said, taking his hand, lacing your fingers with his. You knew he didn’t believe you–nothing was really wrong, you just felt weird and insecure in the relationship–like part of you didn’t trust your place with Sam. 

He led you inside, squeezing your hand and swinging your arm as he walked with you. As the front door of the apartment swung open, you saw Christian walking across the room wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. He turned to you. “Oh, hey there, beautiful.” He winked at you, sucking his teeth with a grin that left you feeling queasy. You remained quiet as you observed him. “Mother Teresa gone silent? Taken a vow of silence?” 

“I think you should look into taking that vow yourself.” Sam said, tossing his keys on the kitchen island. 

Christian shrugged, grabbing a banana and unpeeling it. “Have fun, you two,” he said, winking as he took almost the entire length of the fruit into his mouth. 

“Looks like you’ve got a lot of experience,” you said, garnering enough courage to pick at him. 

“That was a good one, Y/n,” he said, patting you on the back harder than he intended. You couldn’t help but look at him with disgust. “You’ll get some too. Soon, hopefully.” Christian’s eyes met Sam’s with yet another wink. He retreated to his room, slamming the door behind him. 

“Is he always such a prick?” You asked, turning to Sam.

“If you had to ask,” He said, pulling you in by your shoulders, “you already know the answer. He’s a dumbfuck. Don’t listen to him.” He kissed you gently as his thumbs stroked your skin softly. “Trust me enough to do something risky?” He asked, his eyes brightening with mischief.

You narrowed your eyes skeptically. “Should I be worried?” 

“Only if you’re afraid of heights.” He took your hand, grabbed his keys and ushered you out the door without time for you to protest.

“Wait, no!” you yelped as he pulled you down the hall. “Sammy!” 

“Come on! Trust me!” You ran with him down the hall, towards a fire exit. 

“It’s not alarmed,” he said, pushing open the door. You couldn’t help but cringe as you crossed the threshold onto the external fire escape. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you said out loud when you realized how high up you were, feeling the breeze fluttering across your cheek. Granted, Sam’s apartment was on the third floor. It wasn’t a high rise apartment–eight stories, but you still couldn’t help but picture your body going splat on the pavement. 

“Don’t worry, Y/n. I promise you that it’ll be worth it. I come up here all the time.” He pulled you to the inside of the steep stairway, so that you were adjacent to the concrete wall and his right side. You felt safer this way, but nowhere near calm. Surprisingly, it was an uncharacteristically warm evening compared to what you were used to. The breeze still chilled you, but you were wearing one of Sam’s oversized pullovers, so it helped to lessen the cold. You climbed each stair with terrified accuracy, and you held on to Sam so tightly that you were surprised he didn’t cry out. 

“You’re crazy!” You muttered through gritted teeth as you set foot on the final landing, arriving on the roof. He chuckled through his nose as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder. 

“Watch this.” You looked up at him in time to see him flick a light switch inside a breaker box on the wall beside you. The roof was suddenly illuminated with rope lights in a surprisingly lovely display. It almost looked like a proper terrace–one from a rooftop bar of a luxury apartment. It was apparent that he or someone had wrapped the lights in a way that used what was available; several strings looped around gutter pipes, old, outdated cable antennae and various poles, but the effect was exquisite, splashing warm light upon the concrete floor and the balustrades that wrapped around the roof.

 “What’s this?” you asked, stepping forward. 

“Mmm, It’s a spot that only the coolest know about.” He grinned, looking down at you.

“And who’s that? The pigeons?”

He rolled his eyes and walked with you. There was a short concrete wall built into the middle of the roof. For what reason? You had no idea, but as he walked you around it, you could see what Sam had turned it into. Behind it, there was a makeshift pallet, cushioned with several blankets and pillows butted up against the hard wall. He had taken a sheet and secured it to the wall and the other end pulled over one of the strings of lights to create something like a tent. 

“This may very well catch fire,” you said, grinning up at him.

“Shh,” he said, kneeling down on the blankets. “Join me.” He held his hand out for you to take. The little lean-to pillow fort was beautiful in the dim light. It didn’t take grand gestures to impress you. Your stomach couldn’t help but flutter with feeling. Sam was exactly what you needed.

You watch him fiddle beneath the covers to reveal a small Coleman cooler. “How did you–you had all of this prepared?” You asked, confused as to how and why he would pull this together with such little notice. 

“Well, I wasn’t really in town when you called,” he admitted with blushing cheeks. 

“So you literally ran the pillows, blankets and cooler up here while I was driving here?”

“Some have said I can be romantic at times,” He opened the cooler to reveal a half-drunk bottle of rosé over ice and a carton of strawberries. “I uh–I borrowed the bottle from Olivia next door to me. Didn’t have time to go to the store.” He looked at you, blushing from slight embarrassment. 

“You are such a dork,” you said, pulling your hands up to his cheeks, pulling him to you. You kissed him, letting your upset fall away upon his lips. “Sam, thank you. Thank you so much.”

“It’s nothing, really.” He sat with his back against the wall, pulling you so cuddle into him. 

“No, you just don’t understand. No one has done something like this for me.” You make sure to find his eyes, communicating to him that it was the truth and that it mattered to you. “It matters,” you finished, echoing your thoughts out loud to him. 

“Well, you matter to me, Y/n.” 

***

“Tell me,” You asked, laying flat on your back beside Sam, your fingers tangled together, thumbs fidgeting, stroking each other’s hand absently. “What’s it like having a set of twins as your older brothers?”

He sat quiet for a moment after releasing a chuckle through his nose. “Do you happen to like the sound of nails on a chalkboard? Mixed with a nursery of crying babies? Or being in the same room as pretentious book nerds at a biweekly book club meeting? One has to outdo the other with their views of altruism and intellectualism… I’d assume it’s quite entertaining from the outside.” He rolled his head to the side and you did the same, meeting his eyes.

“How about being the youngest? What’s that like?” You asked him. You let the questions fall out in genuine curiosity. You hoped Sam didn’t mind. 

“Lonely, if I’m being honest. Growing up, Jake and Josh were inseparable. I mean, they’re twins, how couldn’t they be?” Sam spoke matter-of-factly. “And of course there’s Ronnie. I love her, but we don’t have a super close bond or anything like that.” 

There was silence for a long moment. “Can I ask you another question?” you asked, anxiety building in your gut. 

“Always.” He said simply. 

“Why do you let people pin you as a…” you fumbled for the right word. 

“Douchebag? Jerk? Asshole?” He finished the question for you. You watched him shrug. “Because in many ways, I have been exactly that.” His honesty surprised you. He had no reason to lie, but his openness with admitting his faults intrigued you. 

“I’m trying,” he continued. “I don’t want to be that piece of shit everyone knows me as.” He squeezed your hand. “I have done many things I am not proud of.” He paused. “But I met you. And that’s where I’ll start new. I’m happy to have met you. You make me want to be a better person. For you.”

Paige’s words nicked at the edges of your train of thought. I don’t trust him. I don’t like him. Were you naive to believe Sam? Even after knowing his reputation? He sat there, admitting it as the truth, choosing not to hide the ugly fact. 

“I’m new to this,” you said, looking into his eyes. “Call me a purist, immature,” you said, shrugging. “But I just need someone who loves me and wants me. Completely. No bullshit.” You felt his thumb rolling circles into the softness of your hand. “I don’t want to be hurt. I trust you.” you nodded, as if reassuring yourself at your own words. “I trust you, Sam.” 

“I’ll do my best to keep it that way,” he answered, bringing your hand up to his lips, kissing it lightly. 

You sat there with him for a long while, staring up at the night sky. It was a shame because clouds kept drifting over the view of the stars, leaving you pleading for just a sliver of their brilliance. You laid snuggled against Sam, relishing in every little moment that the stars would shine through the cloud cover. 

“I’ve told you a lot about me tonight.” He began, and it was true. “Tell me about your childhood. What was little Y/n like?” You swallowed. Yikes. 

“Well, I grew up not too far from here. About three hours south. I’m an only child. My parents wanted more, but it just wasn’t in the cards. I was a miracle baby, come to think of it.” Sam readjusted, turning on his side. “My mom was already thirty six when she had me, and it was after years of trying.” There was a silence between the two of you, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. 

“My first friends were really my mom and dad–maybe my cousins. It was hard making friends in school. I stuck with two or three good friends throughout much of grade school.” 

You swallowed, feeling emotion tugging at the back of your throat. “My childhood was a good one. My parents worked hard to give me anything and everything I needed…” You paused, feeling sadness swelling in your gut. 

“Hey,” Sam said, moving closer. “Everything okay?” He rubbed your shoulder gently, feeling you begin to retreat. 

“I’m okay,” you said, sniffling back the tears that threatened to fall. “ I didn’t expect to feel so–” you said before pausing. 

“Is it your dad?” He asked softly after a moment. You nodded in response, wiping at your eyes. “I’m sorry. In the moment I forgot. I’m so sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. You know I don’t talk about it often.” You pulled yourself closer into him, laying your head on his chest. “I avoid dealing with it. I don’t think I’ve ever truly grieved for him.” You felt him stroke your hair as you spoke. 

“I’ll be here, Y/n. I’ve never suffered a loss like that. I don’t know what it must feel like, but I want to be there for you. If you’ll let me.” 

You sniffled, feeling the pain beginning to recede. “You are the best, Sam.” 

“I highly doubt that. I’m highly cynical and self absorbed, but I guess I have my moments.” You could hear the grin in his voice, making you shake your head. “Can I ask you something?”

“Hm?” you asked, still snuggled into him.

“How would you feel about meeting my family?” 

Your eyebrows rose instantly. You weren’t expecting him to say that. “I mean, I’d love to meet them. Are you sure?” You asked, taken aback by his desire to introduce you to his family. 

“I’m sure, Y/n. I know things are relatively new. But I’ve never been more sure about something like this.” 

Just like that, he had capped the night with the exact thing you needed to hear. That you mattered, and that you were special. He was letting you into his life, beyond the surface, underneath the version of Sam that he offered to everyone. Everyone except you. 

“You okay?” He asked quietly after a minute. You hadn’t realized that he wasn’t privy to the conversation you were having to yourself. 

“I am more than okay,” you answered, unclasping your hand from his, and rolling over to grab his face with your fingertips. He pulled you in without a word, kissing the softness of your lips. “Sunday dinner?” He asked, hovering above your mouth as the kiss came to an end. 

“Sounds like a plan,” you said before leaning in and kissing him one last time. 

End of Part 4.

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[sunswathe]

hi hello i am not a stranger things blog BUT i've had this idea kickin' around in my nog for like. months? and today the first part just beamed itself into my brain and i spat out 1000 words for it. i know i'm not the first to write this concept, but here's my take on the "steve sees dead people" au!

i want to write more for this, but i have a terrible track record for finishing fics (i have like. 13 drafts?? for stranger things fics??) so this is tentatively part 1 of an undetermined amount. it is supposed to be steddie, eventually. if i make more, i'll post it to ao3!

anyway, enjoy! <3

------

December 1984

“What the hell are we looking for out here, exactly?”

It’s fucking cold out, and Steve’s fingers are starting to ache where they’re wrapped around the handle of his bat. 

“I don’t know any better than you do, Steve.”

Steve scowls and roughly swings at a low hanging branch. It’s thin and bare and twiggy, and it catches on the pristine nails he drove through the barrel. He uses that hold to bend the branch forward and out of his way. His bat sticks when he walks past and he growls as he yanks it free.

The winter-brittle wood snaps with a loud and distinct crack, and Steve locks up.

When nothing jumps out of the shadows at him, Steve shakes the fresh tension from his limbs and continues his trek. The thin scattering of snow that managed to blanket the dead foliage despite the tight clusters of trees isn’t offering Steve any sort of direction.

No sign of anything. Not of squirrels or deer or fucking wolves or whatever the hell else lives in the woods surrounding Hawkins. Steve doesn’t know and he doesn’t really care.

All that matters is that there’s nothing to show for the thing he’s trying to find.

“The fuck do you mean ‘don’t know any better’ than me?! You,” Steve bites out, jabbing an irritated finger at his unhelpful shadow, “are the only one who’s actually seen it!”

Barb rolls her eyes as she sidesteps Steve’s accusatory point and wanders past. Half of her body has to phase into the thick trunk of a nearby tree for her to successfully maneuver around him, and that just peeves him further.

Steve’s out here getting whipped by and stuck on branches, and she doesn’t even have to worry about the trunks.

The petty jealousy fizzles and dies just as quickly as it came, though. It’s easy for him to forget how serious death really is. How permanent it’s supposed to be, for everyone except him.

Steve sighs and tromps after her.

It’s mid-December, which means the forest is quiet. To an extremely unnerving degree. There aren’t any insects or frogs or midnight birds to fill the hush, only the clack of branches rustling in the light wind.

“You don’t even have, like,” Steve steps over a fallen tree, slick with ice, “the teeniest, tiniest idea of what the— what the thing looks like? No more details?”

Barb scoffs. It’s odd, because she doesn’t make a sound, even as Steve hears her. Her voice doesn’t penetrate the stillness of the night, but Steve knows what she says, what she sounds like, her cadence and tone clear as if spoken aloud.

He doesn’t like thinking too much about the mechanics of it all. It gives him headaches.

“Nope,” Barb snips. “I’ll make sure next time I’m ripped to shreds I get a better look at the thing doing it, yeah?”

Steve watches her from behind, and sees her form flicker. He catches glimpses of bloody, shredded clothing over deep gouges in her back. His stomach turns. He looks at the ground under her feet. There’s no shadow to be cast under the faint moonlight, and the snow is undisturbed.

“Right,” he sighs.

“Maybe I’ll stop and take some notes. I could ask it a few questions before it kills me. Whatever makes this easier for you, Steve.”

“Yeah, okay, I get it!”

What they know about the whole situation isn’t a lot. But it’s more than the police, or Barb’s parents, or anyone else on this goddamn planet.

“So are we looking for like,” Steve ponders for a moment, “a den? Or something?”

They know that Barb isn’t just missing.

“A den?” Barb drawls, brow raised.

They know that whatever took Barb was big, at least. Grey, probably, but it was dark so maybe not. Toothy, with long, claw-tipped fingers. Barb wasn’t able to get the best look at it, before she was dragged away, so most of what she’s able to describe is how the different parts of it felt tearing her open.

“Don’t— come on, cut me some slack, here! I’m not a fucking… professional hunter or whatever. I don’t know what I’m doing!”

They know that Barbara Holland is dead.

“Clearly.”

Which is arguably, the most important piece of information that Steve has.

“Do you think we’ll find like… blood? Dead things?” Steve hates to even think it, let alone say it, but he’s not known for his tact, so. “...you?”

The most important piece of information and Steve can’t even share it, not without either going to prison or a fucking psych ward, neither of which Steve is particularly keen on doing.

Barb doesn’t dignify his question with any kind of response. Not even a twitch.

Steve’s hands aren’t getting any warmer. He looks up, through the branches and to the sliver of moon visible despite the clouds. Changes tracks and barrels forward. “Do we have a plan past ‘find the thing’? Or is that as far as this whole hunt goes, right now?”

Barb stops and offers him a flat look. “We?”

Steve scans the shadows when he stops, too. “Uh, yeah,”  he says, face scrunched in his best duh expression when he finally makes eye contact with her again. “We’re trying to find the thing that killed you, so I’d say it’s a team effort, here.”

He doesn’t appreciate the deeply judgemental look she levels at him. “Steve. I’m dead.” 

Barb’s form flickers again, almost as if she’s proving her point, but Steve knows it’s involuntary. Steve cringes when he sees her battered face. One of her eyes is hidden (or missing— probably missing) in a mangled mess of dark red that Steve can’t stare at or think about for too long before feeling ill. Her jaw and throat are ringed with deep bruises and scraped raw.

She’s back to normal in an instant, looking exactly as she had a month ago. Her glasses intact, clothes and skin pristine and undamaged, not a hair out of place from where it’s pinned.

Steve clears his throat. “Yeah, and I’m an idiot.” Steve lightly swings the bat at his side. “There is not a chance I can figure anything out alone. You know that. You told me that.”

“Yeah, because it’s true.”

“So yes, ‘we.’ This has to be a team effort. You make a plan. You tell me the plan. We find the thing. I hit it with this fucking bat.” Steve swings said bat more forcefully, aiming it at Barb. It swings straight through her. She doesn’t flinch. “Boom. Handled. Done.”

Barb looks physically pained. Or like she sucked on a lemon. “I cannot believe my only hope of getting closure is Steve Harrington,” she says to herself, for what feels like the thousandth time.

Steve flexes his fingers, hoping to bring some feeling back. Tonight is obviously going to be the first of many nights he ventures into the woods behind his house, so he’ll need to pick up some gloves. The ones he has are too bulky, and make using his bat unwieldy.

But cold does the same, so he’ll need to figure something out.

Steve sighs.

“Yeah. I’m your only hope, so it’s shit if I die of hypothermia on our first search.”

Barb doesn’t fight him on it, when he turns around and follows his tracks the hour it takes back to his backyard, even though she looks agitated.

They don’t talk the rest of the night.

The image of Barb, mauled and bloody, sitting on the diving board of his empty pool with her spine hunched and head hanging, glues itself behind Steve’s eyelids.

Steve shuts the sliding glass door behind him.

I cannot believe my only hope of getting closure is Steve Harrington.

“Yeah,” he breathes. “Me either.”

-------

YEAH so it's not an exact au. like. i fucked with the timeline and it's not just canon divergent its like. a monster hunter AND no upside down au? its COMPLICATED

just important that i say that because i made it december 1984 On Purpose. it takes place steve's senior year instead of his junior year.

hope you liked it! lemme know your thoughts if you did!! <333

[the-iceni-bitch]

The Days and Nights are Long

Pairing: clueless!Colin Shea x clueless!fem Reader

Words: ~4K

Summary: You and Colin are being idiots and it’s driving his band crazy.

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (m receiving oral sex, unprotected vaginal sex, multiple orgasms, squirting), idiots in love, SMUT!!! 18+ ONLY!!!

A/N: It took way longer than I had planned but here’s some more of our drunk, musical idiots in love for you hoes!!! I love them so, even though they’re morons. Tagging my Colin babes @starlightcrystalline and @wayward-blonde because I know they’ve been waiting for this.

I no longer do taglists so if you want to stay up to date on all the latest filth, follow my sideblog @the-iceni-library and turn on notifications!

Colin shook his head and shrugged uncomfortably as he stared at his phone, wracking his brain to think of what exactly he should say to you.

“For fuck’s sake, Shea, just ask her to come up.” Matt looked exasperated, twirling his stick through his fingers as he rolled his eyes when Colin scowled at him.

He’d been moping for the past two weeks, ever since the two of you had slept together. All of his bandmates were getting sick of it, the man was the biggest pouty baby on the face of the planet. If they had to listen to him sing Everybody Hurts one more time they were going to kill him.

So they’d come up with a little plan to get him out of his funk, lining up a gig that would really lend itself better to a female vocalist and feigning innocence when Colin pointed that out. They had really enjoyed hanging out with you on that exceptionally hot evening, and if having you join them again was the only way to get their boy out of his funk, even better. He had actually smiled before pulling his phone out, but then he realized he had no idea what he should say.

The two of you had still been cordial whenever you ran into each other, but there was definitely a strain to your interactions now. No matter how much you both told each other it wasn’t awkward, it was definitely awkward. It was also weird that he was pretty sure you hadn’t come home after 1 AM at all in the last two weeks, and you usually at least spent your weekend nights at some other asshole’s apartment. Not that he’d had any visitors either, but he didn’t want to explore that too much.

He was still staring at his phone screen and trying to come up when some nonchalant greeting that would entice you to come sing with them when the phone was suddenly plucked out of his hand by an exasperated looking Keith, who ignored his spluttering as he typed a quick message before tossing the phone back to him.

“You’re thinking about this too hard.” The bassist said, setting to tuning his instrument and chuckling at the indignant look on Colin’s face.

Colin was about to give a snarky reply when he felt his phone buzz and looked down to see a text from you, grinning when he saw you saying you’d be right up. With an exclamation point! He didn’t even notice the pleased grins his bandmates were giving each other as they watched him start to tune his guitar, plucking a happy little tune and humming to himself.

They were all expecting you to come through the main door from the stairs, so when you shouted hello from behind them after climbing up your fire escape, you were greeted with the sight of five grown men almost jumping out of their skins before turning to greet you.

That grin on your face was enough to make Colin melt, all the awkwardness that had been lingering between you disappearing in an instant when you met each other’s eyes.

“Alright boys!” You took the mic Brad handed you with a warm smile, rolling it in one hand as you trailed the cord through your fingers. “You said you needed my help with something Col, what’s up?”

“Right, these idiots lined up a gig for us without consulting me first.” They all avoided his halfhearted glare with doe eyed innocence, focusing on their instruments. “And, well, the set list isn’t really in my range.”

“Lemme see.” You took the sheet of paper from his hand and scanned it quickly. “That’s a whole lot of girl rock.”

“Yeah, like I said, Ann Wilson and I aren’t really in the same register.” Fuck, it was nice to be able to talk to you again.

“Why don’t you just modulate it, then?” You mumbled absentmindedly.

He gaped like a fish at that question. He honestly hadn’t even thought about it, and even if he had, he wasn’t expecting you to know about modulation.

“If we modulate for him, none of us can hit the harmonies.” Craig piped up from behind the keyboards, and he could have kissed him.

“That right?” You teased, shooting a wicked smirk around at them. “You boys sure you didn’t just miss me?”

Colin tried not to sound too hysterical when he let out a laugh, missing the indulgent eye rolls his band mates were giving behind your backs.

“What do you think, we booked a gig where I can’t sing any of the songs on purpose just so we could hang out again?” Good thing he was pretty, the man was clueless.

“No, you’re not that clever, Col.” He made a mock wounded gesture and you grinned at him, looking over the set list some more. “What kind of gig is this anyway?”

“Yeah, Craig, you never told us what the actual gig was.” Colin and the rest of the band gave the keyboardist a variety of inquisitive stares.

“Uh, it’s a bachelorette party.” He mumbled, avoiding making eye contact with his bandmates when they started groaning.

“Fuck, Craig! I do not want to get felt up by a bunch of drunk, horny women!” Colin threw a balled up sheet of music at you when you started laughing.

“That seems right up your alley, Shea.” You teased, dodging when he threw a pillow from the couch at you. “You don’t want to pick up some rowdy bridesmaid?”

“No, they’re scary aggressive.” He shuddered when he thought about the last bachelorette party they had done, they’d practically ripped the band’s clothes off before they could get out of there.

“Aww, well I’ll be there to shield you this time, sweetie.” You winked at him and moved a little closer to everyone. “Let’s practice, boys. Don’t want to give those girls cause to complain.”

---------------------------------------------------------

It was the day of the gig, and you and Colin had decided to drive together to streamline things. He was waiting in your living room and tapping his foot nervously as he waited for you to finish getting ready, anxious about what actually performing with you would be like.

“Y/N, we need to go!” He never thought you would be the type to take forever getting ready.

“Yeah, I know!” You strolled out to the living room with a grin on your face and he had to swallow a groan. “How do I look?”

“Good, really good.” The way he was looking at you made your grin grow even wider.

The outfit wasn’t even that special, just a denim mini skirt and a tight v-neck tee with a leather jacket. Oh, and thigh high leather boots. It was definitely the boots he was staring at, his eyes trained on the few inches of bare skin between the top of the boots and the hem of your skirt. You gave him a couple minutes to just stare at you before rolling your eyes and strolling towards your front door, grabbing him by his shirt and pulling him after you.

“C’mon Shea, we don’t wanna be late.” You scolded, shoving his amp into his hand and slinging his guitar case over your shoulder before heading down the stairs.

He had trouble focusing on the road as he drove you to the bar the party was going to be at, all he wanted to do was memorize the way you looked in that outfit. It was like someone told you exactly what to wear to drive him crazy. Maybe bringing you into this gig hadn’t been the best idea, because all he wanted to do right now was pull over and let you ride him while you weren’t wearing anything except for those boots and that jacket, and maybe whatever lingerie you had on under that outfit.

“Colin, you’re going to miss the turn.” Your voice snapped him out of his little daydream, and he cursed as he took the turn towards the bar a little faster than he would have liked.

“Sorry, just got a little distracted.” He mumbled, slowing down as he turned into the alley behind the bar and put the car in park behind Matt’s van.

The rest of the band was already unloading, waving at you two as Colin shut off his vehicle and you stepped out. You actually gave Craig and Keith little side hugs before you started helping with the unloading, he hadn’t realized you guys had gotten that close over the past week, and for some reason it made him smile.

“How’s it going man?” He didn’t know how he felt about the look Matt was giving him as he helped carry the bass drum inside, it felt suggestive of something. “Y/N seems excited to be here.”

“Yeah, I thought she might be nervous about performing but she’s handling everything like a pro.” He watched you laugh at something Brad said as you worked on connecting your mic. “Maybe we should make her an official member.”

“Whatever you say, man.” Matt just shrugged, laughing when Colin rounded on him and started spluttering.

“I was joking! We can’t just ask Y/N to be in the band!” Could they? Having you around had been a lot of fun, and the band dynamic had helped alleviate some of the tension that had been growing between you two. But seeing you tonight looking like you did and knowing that you were gonna have to have some on stage chemistry to make this work was making him think twice about things. You got a little intense during rehearsals, and the added pressure of being on stage might make him combust if you kicked it up at all.

Matt shook his head at him and set to assembling his kit while the rest of the band started tuning and connecting their instruments. You just sat on a stool and sipped some water, running through a couple vocal exercises absentmindedly as you scrolled through your phone. It only took a couple of minutes for everyone to finish setting up and then it was mic checks all around.

Everything sounded good and balanced after a couple adjustments and the sound guys gave you the thumbs up to start warming up. Colin couldn’t stop watching you. You were so unbelievably relaxed on stage and it was just endearing you to him even more. He thought for sure you would have been a bundle of nerves but you seemed to be right in your element, tossing him a couple of lazy grins over your shoulder as you ran through a couple of songs before the partygoers started filtering in.

The band switched to doing some instrumental ambience shit while they waited for the party to really get going, and Colin wandered over to talk to you when you took a step back from your mic.

“Still feeling ok about this?” He asked, beaming back at the soft smile you gave him.

“Yeah, I’m excited.” You bounced on your toes a little, adrenaline flooding your veins as the crowd grew. “Think I’ll get any bras thrown at me?”

“You never know with bachelorettes.” He laughed, strolling back over to his own mic so he could introduce the band.

If he thought jamming with you was special, it was nothing compared to watching you perform. You were a goddamn natural, coming alive and feeding off the crowd’s energy until you were completely lost in the music. Every time his eyes met yours you were grinning at him, and your chemistry with the rest of the band was palpable.

Not to mention, you kept drifting close to him on the stage, brushing your hand over his shoulders or leaning against him when you harmonized and it was making his knees weak. , God, he could do this with you every night, even though he was pretty sure he was going to need to sneak into the bathroom to jerk off afterwards.

The show was over too soon, the extremely drunken crowd of rowdy bachelorettes finally getting crazy enough that the band was ready to make a hasty escape. You were bouncing on your toes with residual energy as you started helping the guys pack up their instruments, grabbing Colin’s amp after he shoved his guitar in the case and you both made a run for it to his car when a wobbly woman started to try to climb on the stage.

“Colin, holy fuck that was so much fun!” You managed to make it to the alley unscathed and were giving him the most heartbreaking grin. “We’re definitely doing this again.”

“Yeah? Well you did a great fucking job.” Goddamn it, he’d missed you. “We can do whatever you want, honey.”

“Really?” You slammed the trunk closed and started to prowl closer to him. “Whatever I want?”

“That is what I said.” He could feel his voice dropping into that low register that meant he was in desperate need of some sort of release, so he really hoped he wasn’t misreading this situation. “Why? Did you want something now?”

“I think I do.” Your chest was right against his and you could feel it heaving, gazing at him through your lashes while you ran your fingers over his abs. “I stole the keys to the van.”

“And, you wanna go on a joy ride?” He breathed deep when you brushed your lips over his, winding an arm around your waist and pulling you close.

“Or, we could just fuck in the back while the rest of the guys search for these.” You pulled back a little and jingled the keys in his face, sucking your bottom lip between your teeth while he ran his hands over your hips.

“Yeah, that’s a great idea.” He smashed his lips to yours and let out a low moan, his fingers digging into your ass while the two of you stumbled towards the side door of the van.

You fumbled with the keys for a minute because you didn’t want to take your mouth off Colin for any reason, but then you were sliding the door open and the two of you were falling inside in a tangle of limbs before somehow managing to kick the door closed behind you. Trying to undress each other was a little difficult with how wrapped up you were in each other but you managed, tossing your garments away haphazardly as your tongues curled tangled together. Colin grabbed your hands when you went to remove your boots, pulling them up to his face and kissing your palms before winding your arms around his neck.

“Keep those on.” His voice was a low growl and fuck, you forgot how sexy he was.

“Well, cannot say I’m surprised you're a little kinky, Col.” You wound your fingers through his hair and yanked, purring at the groan he gave you. “I’m gonna suck that pretty dick of yours, but then I’ll give it to you nice and rough.”

“God, baby.” He wished he didn’t sound so whiny when you started kissing your way down his chest, but he hadn’t gotten any release except from his hand for the past two weeks and he really needed you to keep doing what you were doing. “I’ll take whatever you give me.”

“Yeah? Knew you were a good boy.” You winked at him when you started kissing the skin above the band of his boxer briefs before you were yanking them down his thighs and immediately licking a heavy stripe up the underside of his cock when it sprung up against his abs.

Colin had to brace a hand against the side of the van when you worked him over, spitting on his tip and watching it drip down his length before spreading it over him with your lips. You wrapped your hand around his shaft and gave him a nice, smooth stroke as you ducked down between his length to press gentle kisses over his balls while you jerked him off. He almost choked on his tongue when you wrapped your lips around his sack and tugged softly, the hum you let out sending a vibration up his spine while your thumb swiped over his swollen tip.

The sounds he was making from just a handjob were enough to soak through the thin lace of your panties, and when he shouted your name when you moved a little lower and teased your tongue over his asshole, well you almost fucking came just from that. You couldn’t believe you had stupidly waited two fucking weeks before indulging in this man again, you finally felt like yourself again. It was driving you absolutely crazy, the way his hips were wriggling underneath you spurring you on until you couldn’t take it any more.

If he thought your hand was incredible, it was nothing compared to the feel of your lips wrapped around his tip while your tongue swirled around his sensitive head. With all the women he’d slept with, he’d definitely suffered through some mediocre and downright disappointing blow jobs. But you felt like you were about to suck the soul out of him, and you’d only just started.

“Ah, Christ.” He was going to pass out if you kept going like this, your mouth was like fucking heaven. “Honey, fuck.”

You shot him a wicked look when you started bobbing your head, taking him just a little deeper each time while your tongue curled around him as much as possible. Then you opened your throat and swallowed him whole and he lost his mind.

He wrapped his hand in your hair and held your head still as he started fucking your throat, his hips bucking wildly while you choked and sputtered around him. Drool was running down your chin and soaking his thighs as you started breathing through your nose, digging your fingers into his thighs while he used you like a fuck toy. You kept your tongue pressed flat against your bottom teeth to avoid choking on it, moaning softly when you tasted the salty tang of his precum hit your tongue. His grip on your hair was growing painful, and you could tell by the way his abs were twitching that he was close.

“Wait, ah shit!” He somehow managed to gather enough self control to pull out of your mouth, groaning at the long string of saliva that kept you connected even as you bit at your swollen lips. “I’m not coming unless it’s in that pretty pussy. How do you want it?”

“Fuck me from behind, Col.”

He growled as he sat up and smashed his lips to yours, savoring the taste of himself on your tongue before flipping your over and burying his face in your hair. You let out a low moan when he slammed into you with no warning, gasping at the punishing pace he was setting and purring when he started mouthing at your neck.

The van was shaking like some sort of cliche while Colin fucked into you with abandon, his hips bouncing off your ass in an obscene display while the two of you whined and panted together. Colin was going to lose his fucking mind, two weeks with barely even talking to you and now he was finally inside you it was all he could do to not go completely feral.

“Oh god, honey.” He was practically whining against your skin when you clenched around him, sucking your ear lobe between his lips while you arched your back and purred for him. “Fuck, you’re so tight and wet. Pussy so fucking good. Tell me you’re close, I need to feel you come.”

“So close, Colin, shit!” You gasped when he hit you deep, curling your body backwards around him and reaching over your shoulder to wind your fingers through his hair and press his lips to yours. “Need that dick so bad. Feel so good when you’re inside me.”

“I know, baby, I know.” He wound one hand around your neck and the other arm around your waist, holding you close while he kissed you deeply and swallowed your wanton mewls with a deep groan. “Come for me.”

His hips ground against you and you slapped the floor of the van when you came, sobbing into his mouth and vibrating underneath him while your pussy strangled his cock. Your teeth nipped at his lips once you were finished, humming happily as he continued fucking you through your high.

“Need more, Colin.” You whimpered when he started slowing down, trying to thrust your hips back towards him as you tried to bring yourself to the edge again. “Harder, I need it.”

“Fuck, I’ll give you whatever you fucking want.” He tugged at your lips with his teeth, squeezing your neck gently and groaning at your soft whimper as you clenched around him. “Jesus Christ, you feel so fucking good.”

You couldn’t respond when he started pounding into you furiously, the way his cock was punching against your soft walls making it a little hard to breathe, never mind thinking. He was hitting every spot you needed him to with each thrust, grunting into your ear each time his hips slammed into you until he felt your breath hitch.

Every time he bottomed out you thought you were going to pass out, the tip of his cock punching against your cervix and making you see stars. It was so good, he was hitting you so deep and smooth you couldn’t believe you’d been denying yourself for so long.

Colin growled when a particularly vicious push had your entire body rising off the floor of the van, your fluttering sigh sending a shiver of pleasure through his body. One more thrust and you lost it, screaming with ecstasy as every muscle in your body vibrated and you squirted all over Colin’s thighs and the floor.

“Fuck, fuck, baby.” Colin was desperate, his rhythm completely gone as he chased his own end while you fluttered around him. “Gonna fill this pretty little pussy up until I’m leaking outta you for the next week.”

“Oh god, please.” Your eyes rolled up in your head while you let him use you, his lips tracing your jaw hungrily as you pushed your hips back to meet his. “Give it to me, Colin.”

He buried his face in your neck and let out a strangled cry when his hips stuttered, thick, warm ropes of white shooting against your soft walls until he was collapsing on top of you with a sated moan. You tangled your fingers with his above your head as your breathing regulated, his breath hot on your neck while the two of you melted into each other.

“We’re not waiting two weeks again, right?” Colin’s arms wrapped around you as he nuzzled into your hair, his lips spreading in a slow smile when he felt you purr contentedly.

“Nope. I’m definitely gonna need this to happen on the regular.” You turned a little so you could rub your nose against his. “You know, in between our other, normal escapades.”

“Right.” His heart fell a little at that, but maybe just interspersing his trysts with you with his other one night stands would help flush his crush on you out of his system.

Before he had a chance to say anything else there was a sudden pounding at the van door, snapping the two of you out of your haze with a pair of exasperated groans.

“Shea!!!” You untangled yourselves as you started to pull on your clothes. “That had better be Y/N in there! If you sad fucked some bachelorette and we have to listen to you sing stupid breakup songs for the next month I’m going to kill you!”

[galionne-diging]

You were asking for Arukenimon/Mummymon prompts? Well here's some - 1. The duo meet their alternate universe counterparts (y'know, X-Evolution and Ghost Game for Mumm, Survive and Ghost Game for Aru). 2. An AU take on their relationship, where their feelings for each other are inverted (i.e. she's head over heels in love with him, he's far less interested) 3. An AU where everything's the same, except Aru's a guy and Mumm's a girl (but NO abuse!)

Oh thank you so much! These are all so good!

I'm going to do just one for now and save the others for later (otherwise this will take forever) ; but know that I already have something written down for each prompt!

Linen Fascination

(Mummymon & Archnemon's relationship- reversed)

A cloud of dust followed the buggy as it roared through the empty, deserted landscape. Nothing stood on the horizon for miles except for the occasional cacti and dried up bushes dotted here and there. There was no road ; not even a cleared out path to follow. Mummymon had to remain completely focused on his surroundings to avoid potholes and rocks sticking out of the arid ground. As a result, it took him a little longer than usual to notice the movement on his left- until a face framed by delicate silver-gray hair appeared in his field of view.

Arukenimon’s face crept closer and closer, to her companion’s annoyance. Mummymon rolled his eyes. She rested her chin on his arm, looking up at him, grinning.

“-Put your seatbelt back on, the man in blue sighed, If something happens to you, Oikawa will have my hide.

-I’m not scared of him, she teased playfully, If he gets mad I can protect you, you know.

-Seatbelt.

-Hm… And what if I don’t want to?”

Arukenimon watched as Mummymon lifted his right hand without looking at her, keeping his eye on the road and his left hand firmly on the steering wheel. Before she could say anything, two linen wrappings shot from the inside of her driver’s sleeve with such force it pushed her back against her seat. She felt them wrap around her upper-chest and shoulders and slip behind her seat, effectively tying her down. She let out a cry of surprise- followed by a loud and dramatic huff.

"Ugh, you're so mean…”

She gave an almost comical pout- one which unfortunately went ignored by her target. When she realized she was not going to garner any reaction from him she resorted to removing the wrapping herself ; groaning and twisting in her seat until it finally slid off. She clutched the linen in her hand and looked over at Mummymon- and couldn’t help the grin that reappeared on her face.

There was something… Exhilarating about him.

She couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Maybe it was many different things. Maybe it was just one. All she knew for certain was that she loved him.

She wished she got to see his face more. He always hid it under his hat and behind his tall collar, upset at how inhuman it looked. Ashamed, even.

She didn't understand.

His face had always captivated her.

She loved the sharpness of his teeth and the way they rested so delicately over his lips. She loved his eye, golden with gentle specks of amber, piercing her with a stare she had never seen from any human. She loved the color of his skin, dark gray like a rolling storm.

He didn’t need to look “human”.

“Human” was nothing. “Human” was boring. “Human” was Oikawa, their boss, a pathetic man who only knew to sulk and yell orders and be upset. Mummymon was so much more than that… She always admired his devotion to their work. The cool temper that allowed him to keep a clear head no matter the situation. His will to push forward. Even the way he kept her at a distance gave him a kind of mysterious charm she could never get enough of. It was like a game ; one she had to win before he drove her mad…

“We need to find BlackWarGreymon quickly, before he throws another tantrum like the child he is…” Mummymon sighed irritably.

Arukenimon hummed playfully and leaned towards him again, earning a groan and a huff from her companion. She nestled comfortably against him (or at least as close as the seatbelt allowed) and rested her head over his shoulder. She brought two fingers above his arm and pressed them down, slowly ; ever so slowly in a pretend strut over the blue fabric of his coat.

“Mmh… I know BlackWarGreymon is quite the handful, but he's still important to us, don't you think?"

Mummymon paused for a moment, thinking. After a moment he nodded. Arukenimon grinned.

"-You're right… He's a strong Digimon, if we can regain control over him we could-

-We made him together!"

Oh. Right. That’s what she meant…

“-You made him, I had nothing to do with-

-We made him together. We created him, we gave him life… When you think about it, we’re just like parents to him… He’s not just any child, he’s our-

-I hate children.” he cut her off dryly before she could finish her nonsensical rambling.

Arukenimon was so taken aback by his tone that she fell silent. Then again, she didn’t know what else she was expecting from him…

She let out another dramatic sigh and slouched back into her seat.

Right, she had to win the game before he drove her mad…

It was just a shame she wasn't very good at said game.

[guttabutta00]

First Contact

Download Interactivefics to replace (Y/N)

"Thank you guys so much for tuning in! Bye!" You said while waving and blowing kisses into your Webcam. 

After shutting off your camera and slapping a piece of tape over it, you take off your mask and start sanitizing the toys that were being used and storing them away. You take off your clothes tossing them to into the hamper, and hop in the shower. 

After your shower, you moisturize and throw on your undergarments. You put on your robe and slippers and left your room. 

You walk down your hallway just a couple of feet, slowly opening the door. you walk over to the bed and kiss the sleeping person on the forehead. "Sweet dreams Zeus, my little ball off thunder." Whispering into your son's ear. Shutting the door quietly, walking back to your room, and drift off to sleep.

You're 22 with a four-year-old boy named Zeus. You're currently in nursing school during the day and a Webcam girl during the night.

 You know it's not the best thing to do but, the money is rolling through, and you don't have the time to work long shifts for a stressful amount of money, especially with being a single mother with NO help.

 Your child's father is gone. Not because he doesn't want to, but because he. He was taken away from both your and your child's lives due to gun violence. No, he wasn't in the streets. He was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time. 

It sometimes hurts because you're alone and have to raise your son on your own. You push your feeling aside and keep your head straight and focus because you can't afford to slack.

6:00 AM

Jumping up from the sound of your alarm, "Damn,"  Today's the first day off school for Zeus. Getting up, yawning, and stretching, you make your way to Zeus' room.

"Good morning Zeus, time to get up, its the first day of school."

  Nothing 

"Zeus!"

still nothing

  "I'm going to give you till the count of three. 1....2.........3" you yank the blanket off of him and starts to tickle him.

 "bwahahaha" he screamed out of his sleep. 

"Hahaha, I told you it's time for school love, go brush your teeth and wash your face." You helped him out of bed and gave him a little nudge towards the bathroom. 

While he's doing that, you make him a bowl of cereal and sit down at the table. Zeus came just in time.

 "Let me smell" he blew his breath in your face. "Good job, babe, sit and eat your cereal. mommy's going to go get dressed, okay?" he nodded his head. " Okay, thank you, mommy."

You get dressed in a pair of your scrubs and comb your 30in lace front into a ponytail in the back. You went to Zeus' room and got his uniform ready.

 "Done, mommy." 

You got Zeus dressed and ready. finally done, you take a step back and admire your beautiful creation. "Oooh boy, you handsome. Let mommy take a picture of your cute Lil self." Pulled your phone out and took a few flicks, and drove to his school.

You grabbed his hand and walked to his school. "It's so big, mommy,"  he said, gasping. You chuckled. "It sure is. Let's head to your classroom."  

Since you came to orientation already, you know where he'll learning at. The only thing you haven't got to do was meet his teacher that day, but you'll meet them today.

Walking in his class, you see a lot of smiling faces from the parents down to kids. All except for one, Your son. Who's hiding behind your legs.

 "What do we have here?"

 You see someone squatting down to Zeus. "Hey, buddy, what's wrong." 

Zeus turns to face the kind stranger just a little bit. "Don't want mommy to leave." The stranger looks up at you, slowly look you in the eyes, and smiled a little.

"Hey, buddy, what's your name?" Zeus looks up to him. "My name is Zeus." 

The stranger then smiles a Zeus showing his pearly whites.

 "Hello Zeus, My name is Mr. Yeagar."

 He reaches a hand out to shake. Zeus slowly reached his hand out and shook Mr. Yeagar's hand.

"Hey Zeus, you know I can really use your help in class. You can, my little helper. Do you think you can do that, bud?" Zeus walks from behind you nodding his head, smiling. " Yes, I love helping. Just like mommy!"

 Mr. Jeagar looks up to you again, smiling. "Is that right?" 

You smile back, squatting down to their level, and look at Zeus. "Give mommy a hug, baby" He gives you a big hug, and you mouthed, "Thank you so much," to Mr. Jeagar. 

He nods and gives you that breathtaking smile again. You pull away from his hug, standing up along with his teacher. "Zeus, you can go find your name on one of the cubbies and hang up your coat and find a seat anywhere you like, ok." 

Zeus smiles and waves goodbye while you blew kisses towards him. Then turn to Mr. Yeagar, extending your hand out.

 "Thank you so much, Mr. Yeagar. He's super shy. It normally takes a little longer to get him to warm up. It looks like you have the magic touch." He shakes your hand, laughing a little "Any time, Ms. ?" 

"Oh, sorry, my name is Y/N. Y/N L/N" his other hand grabs the same that is already being held. " It's my pleasure, Ms. Y/N L/N." 

Smiling while rubbing circles on your hand, "I'll do my very best to keep a smile on Zeus' face. You have my word. I hope you have a beautiful day." 

Letting your hand go slowly while looking at what feels like your soul. You stand breathless for a second. While coming down from your daze, you smile back politely back at him. "Thank you, Mr. Jeagar. I hope you have a good one as well."

You turn to walk out of the class, looking back at Zeus and Mr. Yeagar. You shoot another smile and make your way to school.

You make your way to class sitting in your seat. 

"Heyy, Y/n, why are you smiling so hard?" You look up at your crazy friend Sasha eating a breakfast burrito. You chuckle at her shaking your head. "It's nothing really. Zeus was looking so damn adorable for his first day."  she puckers out her lips. "OH MY GOD, I TOTALLY FORGOT ALL AOUT MY ZEUSY POO FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!"  

You pulled your phone out, showing her a picture of your baby's first day. "Y/N, my heart is deadass melting right now. He's so damn cuteee. Ahhh"

you chuckled at her silliness, shaking your head. " Girl, you gotta chill." You see your instructor rushing into class. "Sorry I'm late guys, traffic was something else today." Everybody shrug their shoulders "no sweat, Ms. Hange." 

During class, you thought about what kind of show your gonna put on tonight. You make sure to hop on four days a week. Mommy gotta stay paid. You also wanted to go to the gym tonight. You pulled your phone out to send a quick text.

Y/N: Hey Levi!

Levi: What is it, brat?

Y/N: lol, sir, you're not that older than me. Relax. , but can you please watch Zeus so I can go to the gym tonight?

Levi: You're my brat, so I can stuff like that, but of course, you know you don't have to ask. Mine Or Your Place?

Y/N: My place he'll be in bed already. since I'm gonna go a little late.

Levi: I'll be there at 8

Y/N: thank you, love you 

You shove your phone back in your pocket and finish listening to your lecture.

gonna be a mini series, already posted on a03 and wattpad

[hournites]

BV layout confuses me so much. I know Rick lives out by a farm but I always assumed the girls lived close to the school so why was Rick and Beth driving through so many trees. By the time he picks her up they should be in a townie area. Also, hournite did not offer Courtney that carpool and I know Beth and Courtney live close to each other from a Stargirl flying shot from S2 lol. Maybe she got a ride from the Crocks. And Rick crushing on a rich girl while throwing that shit in Camerons face lol.

I need so much more detail about This hournite carpool. How often does it happen. Do the Chapels know he picks their daughter up? Who initiated it? Did Rick offer? Did Beth ask? Is it out of his way to pick her up first before going to school (it’s even better if it is lol). Can Beth drive? She’s one of those rich brats that Rick despises (except he doesn’t for her because he’s a hypocrite in love) but she doesn’t have a car so is Rick driving so she avoids the bus? So many question!

It’s been a few days and I still need the writers to drop all the tea on why Rick and Beth carpool to school in the mornings. It’s such a little little big thing!! Also, he seems super comfortable and probably use to her parents checking in over the past few weeks since they found out. I cannot wait for the first Rick and Chapel parents scene and it better not disappoint!

Rick is definitely trying to date and marry his way into the Chapel family lol. Just kidding, but also not really. Between James, Bridget and Beth they’ve got a lot of love to spare and Rick is desperately in need of it. The only stable thing he has going for him at the moment is the JSA and the team can’t seem to go a season without fracturing so he needs pre stability than that.

Rick and Beth were supposed to go "parking" after school, but it didn't happen because Cameron damaged the Hournite-mobile.

Combined with that potential hournite scene in the Chapels living room from the BTS of the finale (I say potential because we don't know for sure that Rick is in the scene) I think it's highly likely that because Rick literally has no one and is in need of affection and care - Beth kills two birds with one stone and gets her parents super excited about Rick and basically shares their love and  enthusiasm with him which I think he'd be receptive to and it means she gets a little break from them.

Alright. It’s time to talk about that car scene. 

What this scene makes abundantly clear is that Rick drives Beth to school and this is by far not the first time. Once again, I think what we need to remember is that Rick and Beth spent the entire summer together.  Not only is this confirmed in the tie-in comic, but other indicators demonstrate that they’ve grown close just in the way that Yolanda was working and Courtney was on vacation. 

Beth also does have a bike which is how she got around town in season 1. So it’s not that she doesn’t have any way to get to school. Pat usually drives Courtney to school. In 3x03, Yolanda had an early shift at the diner, so, no, Rick wasn’t going to pick her up. I think even if she hadn’t had one, her parents would not be allowing her to get into a car with a boy. The obvious answer here is that if Rick really wanted to, Yolanda could walk around the block and Rick would pick her up there. Rick clearly is only offering to Beth. An organic way that this could have happened is on a rainy day where Rick sees Beth on her bike and stops to let her in and drive her to school. And then it just becomes a habit.The truth is simple though. Rick will go out of his way to drive Beth anywhere and he’s already been doing that late at night since season 1. 

And it’s interesting, because anon 1 here mentions that they seem like they’ve come from someplace out of the neighbourhood. I see your point, though Pat has drove past many trees and random roads to bring Courtney to school in season 1 (1x05), so this isn’t so out of the normal. Still...what if they had breakfast together out of town? If they wanted to talk about the hourglass, Yolanda works at the diner, so maybe they went somewhere else to flirt have privacy. Bridget and James are both at work already so they left Beth at home early. We also knew that Beth was a bit overwhelmed at all of the breakfast in bed treatment that she was getting. So, maybe Rick offered to drive Beth to school and in exchange, the Chapels gave them spending money for breakfast? This would be a good deal for Rick, who needed food, and this arrangement would be easy enough to execute without Rick having to delve into the fact he didn’t have anyone at home anymore. So, until it’s proven otherwise, this is canon to me. 

I think what’s really interesting about what Rick reveals here, and I’ve detected this from season 1, is that he gets jealous. Rightfully so and understandably, he’s channeling this anger about kids who have family who love them because he’s been so lonely the last 10 years of his life. Rick would’ve overheard ALL the skype calls for at least almost two full years between Beth and her parents. He wants that. He longs for that connection. And so when Beth thought her parents were divorcing, Rick, who has already forged an emotional bond with her by this point, was truly able to open up and support her in this feeling that he’d been well acquainted with for so long. In a lot of ways, just as Rick can trust Beth, he can trust her parents. Because he knows her parents by proxy of knowing Beth and listening in to all those calls. This is what differentiates Beth in his mind from someone like Cameron, who all he can see is 1. the product of a man who lived in wealth and luxury and yet still had the audacity to act as if his life was miserable and people should die because of bad things that happened to him. 2. Someone who had his parents ripped away from him and yet still do whatever he wants because he’s rolling in money -- This is all from a distance. Rick doesn’t know Cameron and hasn’t had the chance (and won’t give the chance) for him to plead his case and make him listen the way that Beth was able to in 5 seconds in 1x08, which profoundly changed his worldview of her. 

What I’m realizing now is that this long-familiarity and habit of it is probably one of the biggest reasons why Rick said that she should talk to her parents in 2x03 (while I still maintain that this is terrible advice). Rick does know how their dynamic has shifted the most, and he’s rather perceptive. It’s possible Rick was watching from the sidelines the slow descent into dysfunction that the Chapels were having, but didn’t feel it was his place to tell this to Beth’s face. And in the end, Rick was right. Beth’s parents were able to salvage their issues, and now all Rick can see is this positivity and light that’s directed to Beth affirming her identity and worth and...When has anyone ever truly done that for Rick in his life? 

In the car scene, it’s implied that Rick was talking to Beth before her parents called in, and she felt like she was intruding or disturbing him with their Chapel chatter. I think Rick just really loves being a part of it. The common thread about The Chapels is that they’re all workaholics about what they’re passionate about! Whether it be their family or their jobs or the jobs OF their families, Beth, Bridget and James all share this almost over-the-top overachiever quality. So, yes, her parents are loving her so hard she’s feeling smothered. And I think especially she’s outgrown the amount of attention she’s been nostalgic for when she was young and in middle school. But due to Rick’s trauma, he still needs this kind of attention that he has never had past the age of 6/7. He’s been neglected. 

While helicopter and smothering parenting is unhealthy, yes, it is going to be appealing to someone who had to steal food and live with an alcoholic that blew up at him whenever he didn’t get his way. Basically, Rick and Beth really are at two extremes and this entire episode’s theme was about balance. I think their relationship creates a good opportunity for them to come together and both get something good out of it. Since Pat has his hands full with Sylvester and Barbara has her hands full with Paula, it would be nice to see The Chapels have a nice parenting moment with Rick. 

I also think there’s a slight possibility that the Chapels might be hosting a JSA meeting during the Infinity Inc era so that’ll be fun. Or, there might be a situation where Beth’s parents overstep the boundaries of safety regarding the murder mystery and get themselves targeted by a villain after finding too much information. Then maybe Rick and Beth would have to go on a mission to save her parents. That would be fun!

[annamarabella-grumble]

mass effect replay thoughts, episode 4

episode 1 / episode 2 / episode 3 / episode 5 / episode 6 / episode 7 / episode 8 / episode 9

Garrus wants to be the poster boy for police brutality and planting evidence on suspects he KNOWS are guilty so, so bad

and i won’t let him

Tali SHUT UP the geth aren’t the enemy. they’re not inherently trying to wipe out all organic life in the universe. they were corrupted by Sovereign, and the geth the quarians tried to wipe out sure didn’t have any good experiences with ‘organics’

but if they wanted to wipe them all out, they would have pursued the quarians beyond the veil — they never did. they defended themselves, that’s all.

i wrote about presenting slavery, genocide, and institutional violence as moral grey areas after the last episode, and i’ve been thinking more about that since. after all, moral grey areas are interesting, and i’m a defender of ‘messy’ characters. i don’t believe that all fictional characters need to be only “good” or “bad” for us to understand them. hell, my favourite character of all time is a middle-aged assassin with supernatural powers who drove what might have been the final nail into an entire city’s coffin. but the distinction lies in whether those moral grey areas are about the individual, or the systemic.

Tali, Ashley, and Garrus all represent institutional violence. BioWare made them the stand-ins of the best and worst of their cultures. that left no room for individual character flaws. worse, same as we tend to ascribe their positive character traits to them personally rather than their cultures, their civilisations’ mistakes become their character flaws. since these “flaws” also allegorically represent human suffrage, there’s too much black and white to find any grey in the characters themselves. by flattening these big conflicts into conversations with only one individual, me1 makes them narrative devices rather than world-building.

i don’t think making the “players who do X are also X” argument is useful because that’s not how it works. however since these storylines are allegorical, they can’t be critically looked at by removing them from that context — our very human context. concepts like player complicity aside, it’s simply about harm reduction for players. that is where the mass effect writers fall short.

they manage some nuance with Garrus because he mentions his father, who would agree with Shepard when she says that’s not how she does things.

but contrast this with Garrus as Archangel. in ME2 his vengeance and grief are deeply personal, whereas his sort-of loyalty mission in ME1 is a holdover grudge from his time at c-sec, where they wouldn’t let him kill hostages to apprehend a suspect. i cannot let him shoot that doctor except in self-defence, but i might be tempted to let him take the shot at sidonis (and bear witness to the devastating personal consequences that has for garrus).

that Wrex is there in ME1 to offer the perspective of those affected by violence does improve things slightly because through him we see the krogan as more than murder machines. but he also shoots Fist without a moment’s hesitation when he’s no longer useful, and it’s murky whether that’s just Wrex being a merc or conforming to type as a krogan.

we also don’t meet a krogan female until ME3! imagine if we’d met Urdnot Bakara in ME1!! (ok they would have fucked up writing her, but you know)

they didn’t manage this with Tali because she uncritically spouts quarian propaganda and there’s no counterweight in herself or other quarians we meet (we don’t) or members of the flotilla she talks about (she barely does). it’s not until ME2 that she reveals that there’s division among quarians re: seeking war or peace with the geth.

in ME2 and 3, we get salarians who disagreed with the genophage at the time or, at the very least, support the cure along with getting our first salarian squadmate. the argument with mordin also becomes half about the genophage itself, half about how he rationalises it (determinism). which is still hard to stomach, but less egregious than how they'd have probably written him in ME1.

this all may well have been intended in ME1 to lay the “foundations” of a player’s Shepard and get them to start with “a baseline.” ME1 does it so hamfistedly, however, that any want for nuance is futile while you’re busy defining your character’s morality entirely through huge systemic issues and historical conflicts. in ME2 and 3 there’s a lot more wriggle room in making your Shep a Paragade — ruthless bastard, not genocidal racist.