#excuse my ramblings im what you might call exhausted

[luccislegs]

Idk, I think it might be bc you're early on in the series/are a new blog? Just a guess, since a lot of people like Ace/Law/Kid or whoever. Anyhow, could I have some headcanons of Sanji with a crush who hides their mouth under a slip-on mask? They were told were told by their village elders that they have a disturbing grin and the mask doubles as a partial disguise while going out. Hope you get more requests soon!

i can appreciate that actually. also if that’s the case i should probably dip lmao i hate having to beg for asks. i do however appreciate you trying to help! also explain to me where you get these ideas bc they are stellar

–

“Hey.”

You jumped a little as a voice sounded from above you. Out of pure habit, you reached up and adjusted your mask, making sure it hadn’t slipped. When you looked up, you found a young man in a straw hat hanging upside down from the lowest branch of the tree you were seated under.

“Hello,” you said hesitantly. He wasn’t blinking as he stared, which would have been unnerving enough, but the straight line frown he wore made the whole of his upside down face downright disturbing. Closing the book in your lap, you prepared to run.

“Why doesn’t your mouth move when you talk?” he asked. His voice was deadpan, with little to no curiosity, which was in opposition to the fact that he had asked you a question that bordered on too personal.

You weren’t sure what possessed you to answer. Maybe it was that he seemed a bit dense, maybe it was the fact that he made you feel normal, but whatever it was, it made you say, “It’s…a mask.”

With that, he flipped out of the tree, landing on his feet in front of you. His mouth stretched into a wide and silly grin, instantly putting you at ease. “Why are you wearing that?” His question, though asked with no malice, set off alarm bells in your head, and you began to shut down.

“That’s none of your business, straw hat. I have to go.” But that wouldn’t be the last you saw of him.

You met the rest of the crew later on in the week, at the same time you found out they were pirates. It didn’t take them long to realize that the villagers seemed to avoid you unless absolutely necessary, and that you wore that mask like it was a defense against them. Each of them asked, at least once, and though you were less frosty than you had been with Luffy, you still made it abundantly clear to them that the topic was off limits.

They took the hint, and took it well, which maybe attributed to why you agreed to join their crew the day they decided to leave port. That, and they didn’t act like you were a freak for wearing it, even though they had only ever seen half of your face. They didn’t pressure you to remove it, to let them see it. They accepted that you may never show them, and invited you anyway.

You didn’t turn around to wave goodbye to anyone on the island, you knew that no one would be there waiting to see you off. It was likely only your imagination, but you thought maybe you could hear the whole island breathe one collective sigh of relief as you sailed away on a boat full of relative strangers. You did, too.

One person that seemed to care less than any of the others was Sanji. He treated you just like any of the others on the ship, except maybe Zoro. You weren’t sure what that was all about, but the others seemed to ignore it, so you did too.

You had been on the ship for a few months when you began to notice a change in his behavior, however. It was such a gradual change that you didn’t notice it at first, in fact, you weren’t really sure why you noticed it all of a sudden. You just did.

A big tell-tale was less flirting with Nami and Robin. Not that he didn’t still freak out periodically, but it was just…less.

A less obvious tell, and one you thought you were imagining at first, was that he began to watch you. More than he was before, and in a different way than before. It wasn’t suspicious, maybe concern, maybe confusion, you weren’t sure. But the more you watched him, the more he watched you.

It wasn’t long before it began to bother you, and you began to grow paranoid. Maybe he was finally wondering what was wrong with your face that you had never shown it, maybe he was going to demand you reveal yourself. Panic filled you at the thought, and you began to contemplate jumping ship at the next port of call. You wondered how long it would take them to notice you hadn’t come back, and that thought made you feel so lonely it was almost unbearable. It was the first time you had actually felt like you belonged somewhere, with no one judging you, no one casting dark looks over the shoulder as you passed, not ducking down alleyways as you approached.

The idea of leaving left your head swimming, and it was as you were starting to drown in it that Sanji approached.

The call of you name snapped you out of it, just enough that you could respond, but realizing that it was him sent you spiraling again. He wore a serious, contemplative look, the cigarette between his lips casting a strange shadow across his face.

“Woah, what’s wrong?” he asked, stopping just shy of your personal space.

“Nothing,” you said, a little to quickly, and even to you it sound hollow and untrue. But you couldn’t think of anything to add, too lost in your own negativity as you were, and you were content to stay there, until he spoke again.

“So, uh, we’re going to be landing soon. I was wondering…I have to go shopping so…do you maybe want to go into town with me?” he asked, his cheeks a flaming red that only grew brighter the more words tumbled out of his mouth. He was scratching the back of his head, his eyes flicking towards your face but never quite meeting yours.

Whatever you had expected him to say or ask, it wasn’t that, and you began to gnaw at your bottom lip as you considered his request. Throwing caution to the wind in the wake of the relief that filled your chest, you nodded, allowing a small, shy smile to creep up onto your face.

You shut it down just as quickly, slamming the happiness down as hard as you could before it could really manifest itself. It was too much to hope that he would go any further, too much to hope that it was more than it seemed. But still, you couldn’t help the tiny spark that lit in your chest.

From that moment until the time the anchor dropped at the dock, your heart fluttered against your ribs like a trapped bird, hope and despair playing tug-of-war with your nerves the whole time.

They eased a little when Sanji looked to you and offered his arm, which you took hesitantly but quickly came to enjoy. As you strolled through the square, he chatted amicably, like you were his best friend, and you found yourself reciprocating with ease. It was easy to forget for a while that you weren’t like everyone else, Sanji just treated you like that.

The facade was broken by a child screaming out, “What is that freaky mask your wearing? Are you ugly?”

As soon as you registered what was said, you deflated and sunk in on yourself, hunching your shoulders as you used your hair to hide your face. On the verge of tears, you yanked your arm from Sanji’s, wanting nothing more than to run back and hide on the ship. A strong hand on your wrist prevented you from escaping, and to your astonishment he began to yell at the child, calling him rude and demanding he apologize.

Unable to look up, you missed the terror on the boy’s face, followed by his mother ushering him away in a hurry, casting scathing looks back at your companion.

The grip on your wrist relaxed, and his thumb began to rub circles on your skin. “Hey, don’t listen to him. I don’t have to see your face to know you’re beautiful.”

It was such a typically Sanji thing to say you couldn’t help the snort of laughter that escaped your lips, but you quickly clamped your hand over the mask covering your mouth and cast a quick glance at Sanji.

“You can laugh. I’m not offended,” he said with a shrug. His hand slid further down, linking his fingers between yours before he began to pull you along in the direction you had been heading before the rude child called out.

You let him, watching the back of his head in bewilderment.

That initial outing didn’t establish a pattern exactly, but it quickly became apparent to everyone that something more was going on between the two of you since that day. Gentle hand brushed, a hand on your lower back as he passed by you, and soft smiles in your direction were too obvious to miss.

He still had his outbursts about Robin and Nami, but now they seemed reactionary rather than attention seeking, and even they could see the difference. Something about you had enamored him, and all without him ever seeing your full face.

The idea that he ever would filled you with dread. So you began to pull away.

He didn’t give you very long to try, though, and approached you about it exactly one week into your avoidance scheme. Naturally, you tried to duck away from him, but his hand around your wrist stopped you. It reminded you so strongly of that first day, that date, as you had begun to think of it, that you wanted to cry. It hurt to be so afraid of something as natural as this, but you couldn’t take the rejection if he decided, like your village had, that your smile was too unnatural to be normal.

“What’s wrong? Why are you suddenly avoiding me? Did I do something wrong?” he demanded, but he didn’t sound angry. Just hurt.

It twisted your heart, and you stopped trying to pull away. He was so kind, and funny, and charming, and all that coalesced into as strong a pull as you had ever felt towards someone before, and that frightened you. “No, Sanji. It’s– I–” You sighed in frustration at the words that wouldn’t come. You wanted to let him down easy, but it was impossible when you didn’t want to let him down at all. “I think– it’s better this way. I have a lot of…problems, from my past. I don’t want to drag you down.”

“It’s about that mask, isn’t it?” he asked, pulling at your wrist so you would turn around to face him. You went willingly enough, but wouldn’t look him in the eyes. “I don’t care about what’s under it. If it’s a scar or– or you have big lips or–”

You snickered at that, placing the back of your hand to the mask to stifle the noise. A flicker of a smile appeared on his face as well, but fell quickly.

“I mean it. I don’t care what’s under the mask. I like you, I want to get to know you better, if you’ll let me?” It was more question than statement; he was asking permission, and that endeared him all the more to you. For such a flirt, he sure was polite.

You looked up at him, trying to gauge whether he was lying at all, even though you knew from his tone that he wasn’t. He was only every this serious about food and fighting. And you, it seemed.

Trying to tamp down the rising panic in your chest, you began to reach up towards the ties that held your mask in place, your head starting to swim as your breathing became more shallow. Hands on yours stopped your progress though, and through the fog you could hear Sanji say, “Hey, you don’t have to show me. Not until you’re ready.”

Tears sparked at the sincerity, but you shook your head, words coming out in a hoarse tumble. “I need to know you’ll accept me as I am, before I get too attached and you hurt me. It’s better this way. Believe me.”

You could hardly see him, but thought you saw him nod, and the hands slipped from yours. The ties came loose a second later, and you cradled the mask gently in your hands as you brought it down from your face. It was the first time in many, many years that you had allowed someone to see you without it, and it felt like you were standing on the deck naked without it.

Sanji remained quiet as he stared at you, drinking in your face in it’s entirety like it was his first sip of water in a week. “Well, I don’t see any big lips, or a mustache, so–“

You cut him off with a snort, your lips curling up in a smile before you could stop it. Immediately, you clapped a hand to your mouth, barely daring to look at him but needing to know what his reaction was.

His brows furrowed, and his hand came up to tug gently at yours. You reluctantly allowed him to pull it down, clasping it in his like he was afraid you were going to hide behind it again if he let go. “Is that what you’re so afraid of? Your smile?”

The nod you gave him was a forced one; it felt like a weakness admitting it. The villagers never expressly made you wear the mask, but they made it clear they liked you better behind it. It became an unspoken rule that you had to wear it, and pretty soon you began to believe something actually was wrong with your smile, and with you. But the way Sanji was staring at you, not with disgust but with confusion, made you believe, just for a second, that maybe nothing was wrong.

“I don’t see anything wrong with it. Maybe it isn’t exactly like mine, but that doesn’t mean you have anything to be ashamed of.” His free hand came up and pushed a curl of hair out of your face, his fingers tracing a gentle path down your cheek afterwards. “I understand if you’re afraid, but my personal opinion is that you’re gorgeous. Wear the mask if it makes you feel better, but you don’t need to be ashamed of anything.”

More than anything, besides the fact that he didn’t outright run from you in horror, you were relieved that he didn’t diminish your fears. They were long kept and deep rooted, and they weren’t going to be conquered in one night. But even with just one person on your side, by your side, you felt better already. Like maybe one day you would be able to face everyone without your mask.

“Thank you, Sanji,” you whispered, your voice thick with unshed tears.

“You’re welcome, princess. You gonna stop avoiding me now?” he asked, flicking you gently on the forehead.

You giggled, and before you could even consider lifting your hand to hide it, it was already coming up. But then his was wrapped around it, squeezing gently. “We’ll work on that,” he said, leading you into the kitchen. “I think it’s time we celebrate to seeing that pretty face of yours.”

–

let me explain something to y’all it is 11pm here and this got wildly out of hand and it’s too mushy and i have an extreme paranoia of characters being ooc without meaning for them to be event tho sanji is hella easy but this was also super fun to write

also i suck at endings but tbh this one is like, top 5 for me so kudos me ima pat myself on the back. i’m posting this now bc idk what a schedule is :^)

also x2 i realized i didn’t edit this stupid thing, then i reread the ask for the third time and realized you asked for headcanons so long story short no headcanons, just scenario, and one very tired, incapable of reading admin

[writingabouteverything]

The Perfect White Flower--and Other Nonexistent Things

a/n YALL THIS IS PROBABLY DUMB BUT I HAD THIS IDEA ABOUT A HARRY STYLES X READER FIC THATS BASED ON THE PLOT OF JANE THE VIRGIN AND I WANTED TO WRITE IT SO BADLY I MADE THIS ACCOUNT

disclaimer--wont follow the show exactly 

Pairing: Harry Styles x latina! reader (a key factor of the show revolves around the lead being latina, and im latina and honestly love writing for us but anyone can still read and understand/hopefully enjoy and the fic doesn’t involve any physical descriptions:)) 

Series Summary: Y/n l/n has had the world figured out since she was a child. She won’t be a writer because it’s risky, she’ll just focus on school and becoming a teacher. She’s never been a child, because her mother had her at sixteen and hasn’t aged a single year since. That’s part of the reason the promise she made to her grandmother means so much to her--if she doesn’t have sex before marriage, her child will never have to grow up as quickly as she did. And Harry Styles is at the top of the world--his music has never been more successful, he has a lovely girlfriend, and he’s never been more in demand. He has everything in the world...except a child, and through a series of unbelievable events--y/n might be his only chance to have one. Ever. 

Chapter One Summary: Who knew getting a pap smear on two hours of sleep and three cups of coffee was as bad as having unprotected sex? 

There’s something dangerous about taking public transportation in LA. And no, I don’t mean it in the ‘there are bad people in the world’ type of way. I mean it in the ‘I live in one of the casual influencer, celebrity, tourist hubs of the world and each time I step onto the bus I find myself mesmerized by all the stories I see in them’ way. Kind of pathetic, I know, but sometimes a child with blonde pig tails or a woman streaming on instagram live will catch my eye and the urge to pull out my lap top and start something I’ll never finish. 

I know that writing isn’t some kind of disease. But I can’t let myself fall in love with it the way I want to. There’s nothing wrong with writing a short story or two, but trying to write a novel? That’s impractical. It will distract me from school, from the four year plan I’m almost done with.

Sighing, I brave taking at my surroundings. I deserve this today, after the anonymous, rude costumer at the hotel today, I need positivity. No one is particularly inspiring. The bus stops and I watch out the window. At first the crowd is ordinary, and then i see them...paparazzi. Flashing cameras from all angles, grown men violating all rules of personal space. It never sits right with me, but I guess it’s just part of living in LA. The bus starts moving again. When it stops again, I see even more paparazzis, but their cameras aren’t flashing. Good for whoever escaped that. 

The bus door opens and I snap my attention back to my computer screen. I rub my eyes as I stare at my word document. How is there more that needs to be edited? This professor is the harshest grader I’ve ever had, and my friend, Gisa, is kind for giving me even more notes. But I’m exhausted. Two tests and an essay due before 12:00. And it’s...11:38. Great--I have to upload it the second I’m at my doctor’s office and have WiFi again. 

I spend some time highlighting and rewording sentences, and once I’m done I reward myself with more people watching because I deserve it and I can’t fall asleep here. I’m kind of invested in the girl live streaming her bus ride...maybe she’ll say her instagram handle. 

But when I look up, she’s not on the bus anymore. Almost no one is. An elderly couple is sitting towards the back. A woman with a toddler sit two rows in front of me...and there’s now a man directly across from me. I blink for a moment, imagining a story for someone who’s face I can’t quite see beneath such dark sun glasses. His dark waves and strong jaw do most of the imagining for me--he deserves a mystery, a dramatic one with a happy ending and just enough romance to keep the people interested. A good romance, too--not too sappy. Enemies to lovers, maybe. A mysterious stranger that’s not really a stranger because something about him is just...familiar. 

He turns his head and I drop my gaze immediately. There’s no doubt he caught that, but I still pretend to edit the title of my essay. “You’ve been typing stubbornly since I first got on the bus.” There’s an accent--of course he’s english. But it’s more than that, I’ve heard that voice before. I’ve been...soothed by it. And--oh my god, I’m sitting across from Harry Styles.

Okay, don’t freak out. Don’t freak him out. He’s probably on here to escape the the whole ‘oh my god, you’re Harry Styles!’ thing.  

“What are you writing?” Harry Styles just spoke to me. I greeted my one direction poster every single day in middle school, and Harry Styles just spoke to me. Okay--relax, breathe--it’s only weird if you make it weird. 

There’s a kind of curt curiosity to his question. He could have been ruder, considering how blatantly I was staring at him. “I um...an essay.” I’m temped to turn the screen so that he can see I’m telling the truth. Though he wasn’t hostile, a part of me is paranoid that he thinks I am writing about him. It’s a fair assumption, for all he knows I’m drafting a tweet about who I saw on the bus this morning or preparing to send something in to some gossip girl-esque blog. “It’s due today at noon and normally I’m way more on top of things, but I had this last minute doctor’s appointment rescheduling because my usual doctor is out of town and--” I cut myself off before I can tell Harry Styles that I’m ovulating and that if I don’t go to my OBGYN now, I have to wait an entire month and I’ve already been off birth control longer than I’d like. I might not have actual sex in my near future, but my cramps have been extra terrible. “An essay, I just finished an essay.”

He nods once. Maybe he feels bad for so thoroughly startling me into such a rambling, because the corner of his mouth tilts upwards. A soft smile adds even more grace to his features, I focus on the dimple that appears in his cheek. “An aggravating essay, I take it, considering the death glares you’ve been giving your laptop screen.”

I smile at his polite humor. “It’s for the harshest grader on campus. She took three points off of my first essay freshman year because I spaced my bibliography wrong.” 

He cringes in sympathy. “Good luck.” 

“Thanks,” I hum, proud of myself for not letting him know that I know who he is. The bus stops, I can see my doctor’s office behind a few paparazzi. “This is my stop.” 

Harry nods once, ducking his head slightly. A tiny part of me feels sympathy for him; from what I’ve gathered, he genuinely loves his fans and the relationship they have, but it must be draining to never have a moment of privacy. Especially when it’s people who care more about selling your picture than your mental health. 

I linger on the bus’s step, watching the men with large cameras look around. “Excuse me, are you guys looking for Harry Styles?” Most of the men disregard me, but one looks at me. “I know he’s near here because I’m a really big fan and my friend just texted that she saw him.” This gets me the attention I wanted. “He’s at Northfield--a cafe like three blocks down. I just know that if she got a picture with Harry in like a magazine or something she’d totally lose it--in a good way, and she’s been having a bad time so if you see her can you try to make it happen? Knowing her she’ll be at his side, she’s blonde, shortish hair.” 

The men seem skeptical, but I guess they realize that this is the best lead they have. I think the fact that I gave a reason to justify selling Harry out for no reason helped. They disperse together, heading at least three blocks away from Harry. I don’t know if I’ve actually helped him, but I hope I have. 

“Essay girl.” I freeze, half cringing. Did he hear that? That’s embarrassing. I consider darting away, but decide that would just make me cringe more. So I turn on my heels. “You...you forgot your phone.” 

He just saved my life. “Thank you.” I take my phone from his outstretched hand, ignoring the slight thrill that runs through me when our fingers brush. “You’re my hero--the last thing I needed today was to run all over the city searching for my phone.” I finish the awkward admission with a partial laugh. 

“Least I could do,” he mumbles, “especially considering what you just did.” 

...He did see that. “Oh um--it was nothing, I just kind of made a connection and assumed the only reason you’d be on a public bus is because you were trying to avoid some things, and you make really great music and a lot of people happy, so you deserve that break.” Why does it feel like I’ve been talking forever? “Anyways, thanks for the whole phone thing, and I hope I got them off your tail.” 

My joke seems to somewhat land. His lips part, like he’s planning on saying something else. A timer on my phone interrupts him. I instinctually look down--great, the alarm on my phone warning me that I’m only ten minutes away from being late. “I’m late.” I turn towards the bus’s exit. “I gotta go, but thanks again, and I hope you have a good day.” 

I disappear after that, still not sure that that whole thing wasn’t some kind of hallucination. Did I just meet Harry Styles? He...he gave me my phone. Harry Styles has touched my phone. I can’t wait to tell Gisa, she’ll lose it.

I’m still thinking about Harry Styles when I finally reach my OBGYN’s office. When I get there, things are a lot more hectic than I thought they’d be. Many people crowd the waiting area and the receptionist’s desk is clearly understaffed. Two young girls are trying to address multiple upset pregnant women and take phone calls at the same time, all while practically buried in a sea pf paperwork. Wow, I didn’t realize that transferring was such chaos. One of the girls waves me over and barely checks my name before shoving a form towards me. I fill out as quickly as possible. 

 I upload my essay quickly after checking in. Who knows, maybe Harry Styles’s blessing will get me an A? A third person in scrubs emerges from the back after a moment and ushers me into a room. I tell myself to focus on going over the facts I need for the test I have to take in a little over an hour. Or to focus on the fact that I just met Harry Styles. But instead, I feel my heavy eyelids fall shut. 

I don’t know how long I sleep, but I know that I wake up during the middle of a doctor’s sentence, “...I know I’m not your usual, so I just want to make sure you’re comfortable.” 

“Hm...Yeah, yeah I’m comfortable.” She nods once, her wide eyes slightly red. “But I do have a class today in like an hour, so I was wondering if this was going to take longer because of the office’s move?” 

“Oh, no,” she shakes her head. “Just because Dr. Rodriguez gave us no notice before deciding that she no longer wanted to work here...or in the country. Or even live in the US, despite the fact that we just signed a lease on a place together...” Tears well in the stranger’s eyes, pity settles in my stomach. 

“That sounds incredibly complicated, I didn’t mean to rush you.” 

She blinks twice, her expression blanking as she fights against the pain of what’s clearly a terrible break up. “No, no--you have every right. Today is your day and if..honestly, if you’re strong enough to go to a class after this, and do what you’re about to do by yourself, then I’m strong enough to get through today.” 

Um...didn’t realize a pap smear counted as something that needs moral support, but I’ll chalk it up to her heightened emotions. “Thanks.” 

She snaps on her medical gloves. “No, thank you for your patience. Now lay down.” 

I do as told, preparing for a sensation I haven’t often experienced. A moment passes and I know she’s started. She’s moving away from me much faster than expected. Oh--I guess pap smears are a lot shorter than I expected. 

“That’s it?” 

“Yep,” she hums, pulling her gloves off. “Now just take it easy, and hydrate.”

Weird...but that’s like general doctor advice. “Thanks!” 

--

I’ve never wanted to keep a secret from Gisa, but sometimes I really regret telling her I met Harry Styles. It’s been almost a month and I find my mind wandering back to the moment in which our fingers brushed more than I should. Sometimes I let myself wonder what he might have said if my phone hadn’t rang. I was probably just imagining the way his lips parted, but my ind refuses to let it go. 

“...You know it’s kind of sad, I read an interview in which he spoke about the fact that he has some genetic condition that makes it hard to have kids. He has so many godchildren, and I feel like he’d make such a great father.” 

I try to keep up with Gisa’s words, but the dull ache in my head makes it feel so far away. “Yeah...he seemed really patient.” 

Gisa nods, turning to face me. “You alright, you’re looking kinda green?” 

“Yeah...” I reach for my canvas bag. “I think I just...I probably just need some water.” 

My hand grazes the metal of my water bottle and then the corners of my vision blur into blackness. I sway, Gisa’s hand is on my shoulder...and then it all goes black. 

--

I sit uncomfortably on the hospital’s cot. Gisa is a traitor for telling my mom that I fainted. I knew she’d just drag me here--hispanic mothers, they either believe they can cure you with vic’s vapor rub or they want you in the ER. No in between. 

“I know you didn’t want another test, but you’ve been throwing up in the morning for days and now you’re fainting.” 

“Fainted,” I correct, “it happened once.” 

“C’mon, mija, it’s just one doctor’s appointment.” 

Speaking of, an ER nurse returns. “Fainting and nausea spells explained,” he says, glancing at his clipboard, “you’re pregnant.” 

My mom and I can’t help but exchange a look before bursting into laughter. Pregnant. If I’m pregnant then the second coming is here. “That’s impossible, I’m a virgin.” 

He glances at my mom, “maybe we should have this conversation in private.” 

“No, what you say in front of me you can say in front of my mom.” 

My mom raises an eyebrow. “Y/n, did you and that guy from your english class--” 

“No! No, we did not. I am a virgin and there’s no way I’m pregnant.” I glare at the nurse. 

He then ushers me to a bathroom so that I can provide a urine sample. After I’m finished, he shows me a pregnancy test strip. “Pink means pregnant.” I bite my tongue as he tests the strip in my sample. He pulls it out and it’s...it’s bright pink.

“I’m calling my doctor, because this has to be a mistake. It has to be like a hormonal thing.” 

“Exactly, pregnancy hormones.” 

I glare even harder, calling the doctor that I saw last week. “Hello, Dr. Ash? I was wondering if I could get a consultation because I’m in the ER and some crazy doctor is trying to tell me I’m pregnant.” 

Silence on the line for a long second. “...I actually cleared my calendar for you.” 

[denkamis]

hi!! could i get double chocolate and cherry with kaminari, shinsou and midoriya please?❤️

idk if i did this right so im sorry if i didnt!

to anon: hey anon, no worries! you did it perfectly :)) aww i love the characters you chose for this prompt, this is adorable. enjoy some fluffy times with these sleep deprived boys from a very sleep deprived writer <3

warnings: none! just some swearing and some bad sleeping habits lmao. reader is gn!

prompt: denki kaminari, hitoshi shinsou, izuku midoriya scenarios + “it’s okay, i couldn’t sleep anyways.”

denki kaminari

denki stays up late playing osu and minecraft

what can i say, he’s just a gamer man

so he’s honestly pretty reliable when it comes to you knocking on his door at late hours of the night

always the biggest cuddle bug, really happy that you go to him first out of everyone

literally drops everything for you hehe

lots of sleepy kisses too

“fuck! goddammit,” denki grumbled, shaking out his wrist as he had just failed the six star version of the intro of blend-s on osu. he had gotten rather addicted to the circle clicking game. this further resulted in denki staying up late on school nights, despite kirishima’s warnings of him potentially falling asleep in class the next day. it was fine, he could always borrow notes from you or jirou anyways!

as he went to restart the map again, a soft knock came at the door to his dorm room. spinning off his computer room chair, he prepared himself to be lectured by aizawa for the fifth time this week about breaking curfew. “aizawa-sensei, i know that i’ve been loud lately but i swear this time it won’t happen- y/n?” he stopped mid-sentence as he saw you standing on the other side of the door. “what are you doing up so late?”

you shook your head, immediately hugging his torso instead. you were clearly a bit distraught about something, but denki wasn’t a mind reader. he figured that from the way you were clinging onto him, it must have been a bad dream of some kind. “hey, hey, easy there! nearly knocked me over, huh,” denki laughed lightly, pressing a soft kiss to the side of your head before closing the door behind you. you clung onto him, face buried in the crook of his neck. it made a small blush dust across his cheeks, a warm feeling spreading through his arms as he held you close. “i hope i’m not bothering you,” you mumbled, to which denki hummed. “you never bother me, babe. it’s okay, i couldn’t really sleep anyways.”

the two of you stayed like that for a long while, denki swaying the two of you back and forth. you could feel gentle lips peppering the crown of your head with kisses. as your heart rate slowed, denki piped up. “wanna stay here for the night? my bed’s missing out on some action! and by some action, i mean sleep. i really can’t sleep.”

you snorted at his words, your eyes flicking up to his goofy yet endearing smile, his eyes bright yet a bit tired from late night gaming. he poked his tongue out at you, making you roll your eyes with a tiny smile of your own gracing your features.

“how could i say no to that?”

hitoshi shinsou

we already know he’s up at these unholy hours

not for any particular reason, just because he can’t really sleep

quite the insomniac that one

and the fact that he can’t sleep properly or well unless you’re with him

you smell like lavender in the morning too bc he puts it in his pillow to help him sleep, thank you

shinsou lay awake in bed, eyes trained on the ceiling as he waited for himself to fall asleep. it was no secret that he barely got any rest, so it was simply easier to just sit and wait until his body exhausted itself to the point where he simply fell asleep. staying as still as he could, he kept counting the amount of times he breathed in and out. it made him acutely aware of his surroundings. the crickets outside his room, the way the moonlight streamed through his blinds, the miscellaneous creaking sounds of the dorms. yeah, he definitely wasn’t sleeping tonight.

he didn’t flinch as the door to his room opened, blinking slowly as his eyes adjusted to the light spilling into his room along with a new figure. “y/n?” he asked, not bothering to sit up. “hey, are you up? sorry toshi, i couldn’t sleep,” you explained softly, allowing the door to close behind you as you tiptoed across his dorm room. his hair was sprawled across his pillow, deep violet locks hiding his hands situated behind his head comfortably. it showed off his arms that were built from training for when, not if, he ever got into the hero course.

a lazy smile crossed his lips at your words, his heartstrings being played by you so seamlessly. “it’s okay, i couldn’t sleep anyways,” he replied with a tilt of his head towards you. he moved over a bit in his bed as to give you space to lay down next to him. you crawled beneath his comforters, inhaling the scent of lavender as you did. apparently shinsou had said that the smell helped him fall asleep easier. strong arms wrapped around your waist, encasing you in a protective embrace as your head rested comfortably against his chest. the comforter was thrown over the two of you. you felt so much safer already.

his large hands were placed on your lower back, his thumbs drawing lazy circles on your skin as his breathing began to relax noticeably. hiding your smile, you cuddled closer to him. to this day, you had never seen shinsou fall asleep so quickly since that night.

izuku midoriya

baby is up studying for a test that’s in like 2 weeks

either that or he’s on an all might video spree on youtube and no that is not the first time this has happened, it is certainly not the last

he has so many stuffed animals in his room probably, like he just has them stuffed in his closet

the all might plushies stay on the bed tho

his cuddles are unmatched tho, change my mind

izuku was pacing around his room, vocabulary words spinning about his mind as he counted them on his fingers. he was mumbling definitions to himself, going over all of them in his head before referencing his notebook to make sure nothing went wrong. amidst his ramblings, a knock at the door made him jump to attention. “come in?” he called out, watching intently as he saw you come into view. his face showed relief, grateful to know it wasn’t aizawa or kacchan complaining about his incessant pacing.

“would it be alright if i sleep here tonight? i’m worrying about my grades and stuff again,” you rubbed the back of your neck with a small smile, trying to play off your question as relaxed as you could. it wasn’t exactly a secret that you had a crush on the boy in front of you. he was kind and humble, wanting to help as many people as he could despite all the circumstances that had the world against him. it was admirable. even now, he looked so concerned from the clear lack of sleep you’ve been getting these past few days. “of course you can sleep here. ah, wait! i have to, ah,” he stumbled over his words as you looked to the bed to see not one, not even two, but four all might stuffed toys on his bed.

“oh.”

midoriya’s face erupted with crimson, shoving the plushies into his closet as he sputtered out various excuses as to why they were there in the first place. when he turned back to you, you were giggling. not at him, but because of the entire situation in general. “you’re adorable, izu,” you told him gently. a light feeling bloomed in his chest upon seeing the smile you held for him. you looked so undeniably beautiful to him, the way your hair was a bit messy and how you stood in your pyjamas. while others, including yourself, would find that you looked completely normal, midoriya loved seeing you be so casual, so comfortable around him.

“you’re sure i’m not interrupting you, though?”

midoriya returned your smile with his own, stepping forward to intertwined his scarred fingers with your delicate ones. “it’s okay,” he murmured softly, holding your hand as if you were the most precious thing in the world to him, “i couldn’t really sleep anyways.”

all works © denkamis 2021.

tags:

@meilbox @honeykami @httpfirx @strawberrysalwa @hey-i-really-miss-you @smexy-goose @satis-kei

want to be on the taglist? see this post!

[creacherkeeper]

im getting a little too in my family feels today and so INSTEAD of feeling those im just going to ramble for a second about why i fucking love paladin!aelwyn because. im. just like this i guess im coping leave me alone

cw for discussions of child abuse, maladaptive coping, drugs and alcohol, self harm, destructive tendencies, basically everything we see in canon and the implications

aelwyn is ... SO interesting to me because for as much of her interiority as we see, as much of her as we think we understand, as much as i could ramble about her character for hours, we know ALMOST NOTHING about her in actuality?? (besides ... one key thing)

(this is like 2k and probably incoherent someone please stop me)

okay. listen. almost everything we see aelwyn do in s1 is maladaptive rebellion against her parents and home life. the drinking, the drugs, the partying, perhaps some of kalvaxus (though i dont think we fully understand how much of that was forced on her as well, kalina WAS watching her when she was talking to adaine about it). you can say like, oh aelwyn is a party animal, she's impulsive, she makes risky decisions, she's bitchy and rude, and its like. okay but IS SHE ACTUALLY. because under her parents thumb she had an EXTREMELY limited amount of freedom, and usually when people are suffering from very little control over their life, they WILL act destructively over the tiny bit they can, either harming themselves or their environment or people lower than them in the pecking order, because in a way, that feels like a reclamation of autonomy. saying "you have so much power over me but can you stop me from hurting myself and destroying what you havent managed to claim yet?". its just like, kind of what human brains do and frequently has little to do with a persons actual personality or impulses, its just. desperate brains trying to control SOMETHING because autonomy is a fundamental human need and when thats taken away we get. very bad off. (this is one big reason eating disorders are SO common with abused kids.) so i think a lot of the s1 aelwyn we see is like. this is a very desperate, abused teenager "acting out" in the only way it is possibly somewhat safe for her to do so because, on a psychological level, the self destruction is weirdly the only emotional tether and its either this or just dissociate all the time (something we do see she has problems with in canon)

and yes, she did treat adaine horribly in s1. she fully did. obviously what we get in canon is what happens but a moment thats interesting to me is in episode 1 where adaine has attacked aelwyn several times, who either does nothing or just bounces it back, when she says "i never cast spells at you" and siobhan immediately retcons it and says "yes you do, all the time" (i havent gone back and watched this bit so i might be wording this wrong). obviously its an improv show and the canon is built between performers as they go, but that was interesting to me. that brennan hadnt intended for her to have fought back in that way. she definitely feeds into the emotional abuse from their parents and participates in all the toxicity there, but we know in canon that she did that because of overwhelming fear and self preservation. and that her self hatred because of it just fed back into the cycle and made her feel like she wasnt good enough to even try to break free from it. this is very common in golden child/scapegoat sibling relationships where the golden child SEES what the parents are capable of and becomes a participant in the abuse out of fear for their own standing. in any way siding with the scapegoat child not only directs abuse at themselves as well, but frequently makes things WORSE for the scapegoat because the parents will take out the challenge to their power on them even more. so, if aelwyn DID ever try to defend or help adaine when they were small, she would have VERY QUICKLY learned that made things worse for everyone. and just. sectioned that part of her brain off, as she's done with so many other things. (and i dont think im reading too much into the forest scene with the abernants to say their parents were VERY QUICK to turn abuse towards aelwyn if she stepped out of line even a little. like, you dont flinch when a hand moves unless. you know. dont need to say it just something to think about. as far as we saw in canon, she had done everything they asked of her leading up to the forest, and we DONT KNOW what happened in it but we do know brennan specifically called out how in broken spirits she was when adaine was summoned, even though they did the ritual to avoid all of the nightmare bullshit)

(the house party is literally a whole separate post but i think its fair to point out that 1) she was super under the influence when that was happening which DEFINITELY is in no way an excuse for her behavior but worth remembering when trying to analyze that 2) her losing that fight did canonically have DRASTIC consequences for her and even if she didnt know exactly how that was going to turn out, i think she knew how bad it might be. and she did not know adaine or any of the bad kids were going to be there in the first place)

all that said, it feels in some ways counterproductive to say that aelwyn is an extremely devoted and protective person (yes we're getting to the paladin shit i know i've been rambling a while) but i think that thats strangely ALL WE ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT HER. because we've established that her self-destructive and abusive behavior in s1 is almost entirely psychologically scripted for her by her parents, we dont know how much of her villain shit in s1 was LITERALLY UNDER THREAT OF DEATH because we know at least killing the oracle was and we dont know how much of the rest of it was mandated by either her parents or kalina other than that she probably was under orders not to tell adaine the truth, and we know participating in all of this caused extreme self loathing in her that she refused to show to anybody and was too terrified to act on in any way

so, like. what does that actually leave us?

here's what we do know about aelwyn:

- of all the schools of magic, she went into abjuration

- the entire bbeg plan from season 1 hinged on aelwyn's complete faith that her level 1 sister was the most prodigious diviner in the world

- right after (?) the house party, she locked her memories where only adaine could find it with a note basically saying "theres so much bad blood between us but i know only you could find this"

- she desperately wanted to protect adaine and the fact that she was too afraid to do so made her hate herself (and her knowing that adaine now knows this is the turning point in their relationship)

- despite everything, even in the nmk forest, she still loved her parents

- the SECOND she is shown genuine love and affection and care from adaine, and adaine says whatever you do, i am here with you, all her actions from there forward are just about protecting adaine from their father, very nearly at the cost of her own life

- with what she probably thought were her last words (and would have been if adaine hadnt given her the tincture), all she wanted to communicate was how to help adaine and the bad kids, and how despite everything she had always believed in her

- at five levels of exhaustion, unconscious, she used her first spell slot after nine months of torture to build a shield around adaine

NOW we get to paladin!aelwyn. because, once everything is stripped away, the abuse and the control and the maladaption and the threats and the torture, EVERYTHING we ACTUALLY can glean about aelwyn's personality and inner core is that she's protective and devoted. and of course classes arent locked by personality, but that just screams paladin to me. its her WHOLE THING. adaine even says "wizards dont have heals, we dont care about other people" and of COURSE that isnt true for either of them, but? mechanically? aelwyn chose the wizard school that DID let her protect, and DID let her help, but i dont think, at this point, going forward, thats really going to be enough for her (and we could also talk about the parallels between them, how often adaine uses her portents to help other people)

i think a lot of the different reads on aelwyn come from this fundamental disconnect between her actions and displayed personality vs who she actually is and what she actually wants. and i think there are very different interpretations of what thats going to look like for her going forward. but i think, for a girl who's most hated characteristic about herself was her self preservation at the detriment of others, her perceived selfishness, and her fear ... isn't choosing to be braver and more selfless and more protective and shedding that self-preserving instinct for the betterment of others ... and MECHANICALLY being able to act on all those things ... the logical next step? i think its going to be a LONG TIME before aelwyn can love herself, but what other way is there to try? if adaine loves her, and adaine believes she can be better, isnt being better because she trusts adaine kind of a form of self love? saying, i dont believe in myself, but i believe in the person who believes in me, and maybe, in a roundabout way, thats the same thing. she was never able to TRY to be better before, because trying to improve even a little, even when people arent watching, when a harmful force has so much power over you and your actions ... like, the mental dissonance is honestly TOO much to even try, thats WAY more terrifying than letting yourself be bad, to the point where thats psychologically impossible for a lot of people. but now she actually has space and freedom and CHOICE and she CAN embrace the instincts she always had to shove down, she CAN be the person she knows her sister needed her to be

i dont know, i think theres an inherent love letter to yourself in wanting to be better and wanting to improve, even if you justify it by saying its for someone else. and now aelwyn actually CAN improve, and thats probably going to be extremely awkward and scary and there will be set backs and backslides for sure. but. i dont know. i think she wants to make up for lost time. because she never wanted the time to be lost in the first place. and if a protector is who she always wanted to be, whats stopping her from being that now?

[reidrco]

worth it

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: spencer reid x reader 

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: mentions of kidnapping, blood and slight choking.

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 2.1k

𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿‘𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲: please keep in mind that im only on season one of criminal minds when you’re reading this. i was a bit inspired by the episode “300″ in season 14, which i randomly watched some time ago, but i didn’t put any spoilers except a tiny little one <3 i suck at writing fluff and kissing scenes, but i hope yall enjoy this anyway!! i havent proofread this either so i’m sorry for any mistakes :(

Friday, your favorite day of the week. 

Not only because it was your last day at work before a long, relaxing weekend, but also because your best friend, Spencer Reid, and you always spent your Friday nights together, watching your favorite movies and eating junk food together.

It had become something like a routine for you two over the years which neither of you wanted to ever miss again. Your movie nights were a perfect chance to forget all the stress at work and a great excuse to eat a crazy amount of unhealthy food, something everyone needed after an exhausting week.

Unfortunately, Spencer had to cancel your movie night two times in a row this month because of an important case which had taken longer to solve than the team had expected, giving you no other chance than to watch your favorite romantic dramas all by yourself.

You had missed him a lot while he had been gone because he hadn’t called or texted once, leaving you sleepless and worried for two long weeks. You had tried not to overthink, knowing he always had to concentrate on the case, but a weird feeling in your stomach had told you that something had been wrong.

Spencer had always called you at least once when he hadn’t been in town, talking about the case with you and telling you how much he missed you, but this time none of that had happened. Your attempts not to overthink had failed badly and you had found yourself creating the worst scenarios in your head every single day.

The countless unread messages you had sent him hadn’t made you feel any better. At some point, you had even thought about calling one of the other team members, but you hadn’t wanted to embarrass yourself or give the impression of a clingy best friend.

So the weeks had gone by without hearing a peep from Spencer, making it hard for you to concentrate and work and not mess up your costumer’s orders.

On Tuesday night, after over two weeks of no message or call from Spencer, you had driven past his house. His car had been parked at his usual parking spot, a sign that he had finally come back home. 

As soon as you had arrived at your apartment, you had called him at least five times but, again, he hadn’t picked up. Slowly you had started to think that you had done something wrong and it had been your fault that he hadn’t contacted you for such a long time.

You had barely slept that not. But to your surprise, you had woken up to a new text message from Spencer on Wednesday morning, letting you know that he would buy some Chinese takeout before picking you up from work on Friday.

Maybe you had overthought way too much and he had actually just been busy working on the case.

But the moment you saw your best friend leaning against his car in front of the coffee shop you worked at two days later, you knew the weird feeling in your stomach hadn’t failed you. To say Spencer looked terrible was probably the understatement of the year, but you were glad to see him alive. 

You almost stumbled over your own feet as you sprinted towards your best friend, but you couldn’t care less. Without really thinking about it and ignoring his dislike of hugs, you pulled Spencer in a big, warm embrace, wrapping your arms tightly around his thin torso while you tried not to burst out in tears.

“You’re an asshole, Reid,” you greeted him, being unable to stop yourself from smiling at the sound of his laugh and the feeling of his strong arms around you. God, you had missed him like crazy.

“I missed you, too,” he chuckled and pressed a loving kiss on your forehead, tightening his arms around you.

Neither of you knew how long you stood next to his car like that, arms wrapped around each other and never wanting to let go again, but it was the best feeling in the entire universe. Spencer was the one who carefully pushed your body away from his, smiling at you before the two of you finally got in his car.

“What happened to you? You look terrible,” you asked and leaned back in your seat, your eyes fixed on Spencer. He looked like someone had just beaten him up five minutes ago, one bruised eye, a  deep cut on his bottom lip and another one right above his eyebrow. On top of that, it seemed like he hadn’t slept in days.

Spencer shrugged his shoulders and tried to avoid eye contact while his fingers nervously tapped on the steering wheel. You could tell that he didn’t want to talk about it so you decided not to dig any deeper.

The only sound that could be heard for the following five minutes was jazz music playing on the radio. You didn’t exactly feel uncomfortable, but you were scared of saying something wrong and ruining your movie night with Spencer. 

Luckily, your best friend was the first one to speak again.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call you,” he mumbled almost so quietly that you didn’t understand a word he had said, “I know you always worry a lot, but I didn’t really… have the chance to use my phone.”

You rested your hand on his thigh, not really realizing what you were doing, and squeezed it slightly.

“We don’t have to talk about it right now. I’m just glad you’re here and not buried six feet under the ground,” you ensured him, your thumb drawing circles on his thigh. Spencer removed his right hand from the steering wheel and placed it on top of yours, intertwining your fingers.

He was more than relieved that you didn’t force him to talk about the case because he wasn’t sure if he was ready to replay the kidnapping, which Garcia and he had just been through, in his head already. Spencer had been one step away from knocking on heaven’s door, the feeling when his team had finally rescued him indescribable.

He had been so convinced that he would die before having told you how strong his feelings for you were and never getting the chance to kiss you that now he had to fight every cell in his body which told him to pull over and kiss you on the middle of the highway.

In his eyes, you were the most beautiful, caring, supportive and kindhearted woman to ever exist and it hadn’t taken him long to fall deeply in love with everything about you, but he had never found the courage to tell you.

Besides that, the fear of ruining your friendship was always in the back of his head, but now he could feel that he wouldn’t be able to hold himself back any longer.

The traffic light in front of you suddenly went from yellow to red, causing Spencer to slow down and stop the car. You watched the other vehicles drive past you on the street, not noticing that Spencer’s hazel eyes were fixed on you the whole time.

His thumb was drawing little circles on the back of your hand, making you smile like an idiot. Spencer was closer than ever to just saying "fuck it" and press his lips against yours, already letting go of your hand so that he could cup your face in his large hands.

However, the loud honk from the car behind his prevented him from doing so, causing both of you to nearly have a heart attack. Spencer quickly focused on the street and started driving again, both hands on the steering wheel. You missed the feeling of skin-to-skin contact immediately, just like he did.

“That’s why you should always keep your eyes on the road. I thought you knew that, Doctor Spencer Reid,” you teased him and turned your face away from the window to look at him.

“A pretty woman is sitting next to me. I don’t think you can blame me for being distracted for a moment,” his words made you blush deeply and had shocked you a bit if you were being honest. Did he just flirt with you?

Spencer was surprised by his straight-forwarded compliment as well, immediately regretting it because he didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. Best friends didn’t flirt with each other, but was making someone a compliment even considered flirting? He had no idea.

The two of you sat in silence again. For ages, you had waited for Spencer to finally make a move, give you a hint that his feelings for your were stronger than just best friend as well, but you didn’t know if this had been the sign you needed.

The past weeks had made you realize how much he really meant to you and you were sick of calling him your best friend, having to hide your crush on him when all you wanted was to kiss his soft lips whenever he wouldn’t stop rambling about some facts nobody really cared about.

But you couldn’t just… kiss him, right?

You played with the silver promise ring, which Spencer had gifted you a few years ago, on your finger while your teeth tortured your bottom lip, unsure of what to do while trying to ignore the tension in the car. Spencer’s eyes somehow always found their way back to your kissable lips, but you were too busy looking out of the window to notice. He didn’t even want to hold back anymore.

All of sudden, Spencer pulled over and stopped the car. You looked at him, furrowing your eyebrow slightly confused.

“Are you-…,” but he didn’t let you finish your question, closing his eyes for a second and taking a deep breath to prepare himself for what he was about to do before he tilted his head so that he could look right into your eyes.

“Can you stop biting your lip? Because I might have to kiss you if you don’t.”

Your heart skipped a beat, breathing normally felt harder than ever. Someone had to punch you in the face right now so that you could make sure you weren’t dreaming. 

Even Spencer was surprised by his sudden braveness.

Every brain cell in your head had stopped working by now and you could feel the heat rising to your cheeks.

“For fuck’s sake, Spencer, just fucking kiss me,” you whispered, almost sounding like you begged him to do it.

Of course, he didn’t need to be told twice and before your brain could process what was happening, Spencer had already leaned in and united his soft lips with yours. Your heart was close to exploding in your chest and the butterflies in your stomach went crazy.

Spencer’s hand found it’s way into your (y/h/c) hair, the other one softly caressed your cheek. For a few moments, you didn’t move and felt like you had a blackout because of the adrenaline running through your veins, but just as you could feel Spencer pull back, you wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed back.

Your lips were moving in sync and you couldn’t help but moan against his soft lips as he bit your bottom lip carefully and slipped his tongue inside your mouth, exploring every corner of it. If someone had told you that Spencer was such a good kisser, you would’ve laughed, but, holy shit, he knew exactly what he was doing.

You could feel his hand move from your cheek down to your neck and as he suddenly wrapped his fingers around your throat, squeezing it gently, you were convinced that Spencer could make you orgasm just by making out with you.

Although you didn’t want to miss the feeling of his soft lips against yours for one second, you had to pull back after a few more minutes to breathe. You leaned back in your seat and took a deep breath, your eyes still closed. You were scared that if you opened them you would wake up from another dream about your best friend’s lips.

Spencer cleared his throat and whipped his sweaty palms on his blue pants, still mind-blown and breathless from the kiss.

“We should’ve done this sooner,” you whispered and finally dared to open your eyes, your gaze finding Spencer’s slightly swollen lips immediately. This was real, not just a stupid fantasy.

He couldn’t describe the feeling, but in that moment he felt the happiest man on the planet.

She feels the same, Reid, it’s mutual. Why did it take you so long to notice?

“We don’t ever have to stop again,” he answered and left a quick peck on your cheek before he started his car again.

Maybe he should get kidnapped more often if it led to a make-out season with the prettiest woman in the world.

[inspriredlyuninspired]

The Stalker 

Part 5 

Modern!Ivar x Curvy!Reader. Able-bodied!Ivar, Dark!Ivar. 

Warnings: Swearing, fighting, stalking, panic attack.  

Summary: Y/n finds out who Ivar is, she is terrified that her life is in danger. She does not know if she should bring it up now. But she feels uneasy. 

Word count: 2,025

Third Person POV 

Y/n’s eyes went wide when she saw the door start to open. She looked behind her for signs of Ivar, but she could hear him still in the kitchen. She quickly slides into the office, closing the door behind her. 

She tuns the lights on and looks around, it just looks like a normal office, the nerves in her stomach went away when she went over to the bookshelf looking through the thousands of books he seemed to have. She was about to leave, felling stupid for being suspicious. However, something caught her eye on top of his desk, there was a picture of her. 

The nerves started to grow again, she walked over and gently picked it up. It was a picture of her on a run. 

‘How the hell did he get this?’ She thought. She saw multiple envelopes labeled, “My Little Dove”. She knew those letters were about or for her. She saw a stack of papers about Danish exports, ‘oh great one thing he didnt actually lie to me about’ she thought. 

Luckily she didn’t look through those papers, a picture of her was hidden in there. One night Y/n was changing in front of her window, Ivar thought he had hit the jackpot. Seeing her in just her bra and panties made hime go wild, that picture was tucked away for safe keeping. 

Y/n walked around the desk, and a gasp left her lips. She saw a board with an astonishing amount of pictures of her on it. She looked through them all, she doesnt understand how he got these, unless he had taken them himslef.

At the bottom corner of the board a small piece of paper with the words 

“one day i’ll be your man, not your stalker”

Y/n felt her chest tightening up, she couldnt breath. She could feel the panic attack coming. Thinking of what Ivar could want with her. ‘Does he want to hurt me? Kill me? Kidnap me?’ her thoughts quickly went from what he was going to do to her, to ‘Everyone in my life wants to hurt me. My parents, every friend i ever had and now my first boyfriend.’ She felt betrayed, Ivar had finally made her feel wanted and accepted. When everyone told her something was wrong with you, he told her he was proud of her for what she overcame. 

Y/n quickly left the room and walked into Ivar’s room. Her breathing was so fast paced but, she couldn’t get enough air to her lungs. Her knees buckled and she was now curled up on the groun in the fetal position, trying to calm herself, she was too in her head she did not even hear Ivar calling for her. 

Ivar callled for her but when she didn’t respond he skipped down the hallway looking fo her. 

“Y/n! Little dove its time for dinner! Are you all ready for some movies and cuddles because i know i am-Y/N!” he quickly ran to her side. 

“Little dove what’s wrong?” he was s confused, she was totally fine when he left her to shower. With her hair still being damp he did not think that she had left his room yet, let alone that she found out the biggest secret that he has ever needed to keep. 

“i--i-- ca-can-can’t Bre-breathe” Ivar immediately recognized that she was having a panic attack. He scooped her up into his arms and held her there, close to him. He had read that holding someone having a panic attack can help. After a while it did help, her breathing returned to normal. 

The strength in her body was gone, otherwise she would have pushed herself off of him. She was laying on his chest as he ran his hand through her hair, his back was leaning against the foot of the bed. 

He moved her slightly, and stood up, following by picking her up. He wrapped her legs around his waist and she responded by wrapping her arms around his neck. She had a stone cold look on her face. ‘If he was going to kill me might as well not fight it’ she thought. 

But he was never going to hurt her, thats the part she did not know. 

“you need to get something in yout tummy little dove, lets eat and then we will lay down okay?” Ivar said, in a sweet little voice, not wanting to be overbearing in this delicate moment. All Y/n did was nod her head against his shoulder. 

He sat her down at the table, he sat down next to her. He began to eat but she couldnt bring herself to eat. She felt terrible for seeming ungreatful, he had cooked a beautiful meal and here she was pushing it around on her plate like a child. 

But finding out the man that is now your boyfriend has been stalking you for months tends to make you lose your appetite. 

“What is wrong baby? You havent eaten anything. Do you not like it?-” 

“No Ivar its wonderful. Thank you, i was just in my head thats all.” she gave hime a fake smile and started to eat. Even though she had reason to not want to please him,  she never wanted anyone to feel bad for their kind act. She knows how that feels and wouldn’t wish it on her worst enemies. 

After they ate, Y/n offered to do the dishes so Ivar could shower. He pepered little kisses all over her face, she smiled at them, even let out a little giggle. But remebering the situation at hand her giggles went silent and her smile instantly went away. 

As she did the dishes, she thought of how she was going to bring this up to him, or what she was going to do. 

She was thinking of ways she could talk about this with him, while he was in the shower worrying about her. He knew that she dealt with anxiety but his heart broke seeing her like that. As well as seeing how much her anxiety attack took out of her, how it exhausted her, he wanted nothing more than to take that pain from her and deal with it for her. 

After he got out of the shower he threw on a pair of sweatpants and started making his way out to the kitchen to see her again. It had become habit to jiggle the handle of his office just to make sure its locked, but when he did it and saw it was unlocked his heart dropped to his stomach. 

She knew. She knew everything. ‘Why the fuck was the door not locked?’ He thought to himself.  

His heart was racing as he walked into the kitchen, he was going to let her bring it up first. If she hadn’t seen the pictures he didn’t want ot expose himself. 

“Hi little dove, thank you for cleaning the kitchen it looks beautiful.” 

He wrapped her arms around her and kissed her head, she didn’t melt into him like she normally did.

“lets go sit down and talk about what’s going on baby” He meant talking about her anxiety, but she had differrent plans.

They sat down, Ivar threw y/n’s legs over his lap and had a sweet smile looking at her. He thought that he was going to lose her, the same day that she became his. His world was crumbling to his feet. 

“Ivar, i have a question for you, and please be honest with me.” 

“of course baby, anything.” 

“Did you stalk me? im sorry i went into your office, im sorry for being nosy but then i saw a picture of me and then a lot more pictures and then letters for me, i didn’t read them i just saw “Litle Dove” on them and i assumed they were written to me, its just why did you do that.” she rambled because she was nervous, and she felt the tears formming in her eyes. 

Ivar let out a sigh, he never envisioned this happening. 

“yes, i did but i can explain.” 

“HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT IVAR?!?!” Y/n screamed, she stood up wanting to be away from him. 

“Little Dove please sit down so we can talk about this.”

“why should i? what do you want with me, if you want to kill me just do it already. Everyone who i think is going to be good in my life just wants to hurt me. so please get it over with.” 

“Y/N SIT THE FUCK DOWN.” Ivar screamed, Y/n jumped when she heard it. He had told her that he had anger issuses but she never thought that he would scream at her. She sat down not wanting to hear him yell again. 

Ivar felt bad for having to yell, he knew she was very sensitive to yelling because of her past. But he needed ot explain himslef for everything.

“Little Dove, i will never hurt you. That’s part of the reason i did it. I wanted to protect you, but you didn’t know me yet. I’m sorry that it happened like that. I saw you running and i thought you were the most beautiful person i have ever seen. I knew from that day that i had to make you mine. I just never had the courage to talk to you, i wanted to impress you. You know how i told you that i was hated as a child, by everyone. I would not be able to recover from you rejecting me. So i thought i would admire you from afar.” 

“Ivar that is no excuse for stalking me. My privacy feels invaded, i don’t know what you saw and what you haven’t. What do you know about me?”

“Well, almost everything.” 

Y/n nodded as the tears ran down her cheeks. Ivar looked down knowing that she was going to leave. 

“I know that i messed my chances with you completely up. I just want you i had no intntion of hurting you in any way. I wanted to protect you from anything that could hurt you. I wanted to be your guard dog, from your parents, from your personal battles. I have never met a person more perfect than you. Becasue i know you are going to leave, i just need you to know that i love you.” 

There were tears now streaming down his cheeks, he was losing the girl who made his life brighter, the most precious creature to him. 

“Ivar you made me feel valid for my feelings, and now i am questioning if that is genuine.”  “My feelings for you have always been genuine, everything i have said to you has been genuine-”

“How you weren’t showing me your office because it was dirty? what else do i need to know?” 

“Thats the only secret i have, i promise.” 

“its getting late i should probably go home.” Y/n said while staring to walk towards Ivar’s room. 

“Y/n please no, please don’t leave i cant lose you.” Ivar begged, he grabbed her hand and held it close to his heart. 

“Little dove, its storming really bad, please stay the night.” 

“fine. But do not touch me in bed.” Y/n crawled into bed and turned her back towards Ivar’s side of the bed. They laid there in complete silence, y/n facing the wall and Ivar looking at her. Neither of them could sleep. Not after the conversation that they just had. Ivar broke the silence by asking.

“Little dove? i have a question.” 

“what is it Ivar?” her voice was still innocent and sweet but she did sound like she was crying. 

“I have a family party this weekend, in Denmark. If you will come with me and just pretend that you like me, you can leave and press charges against me. I won't fight you on it.” 

“Okay, and for the record i don’t have to pretend that i have feelings for you. I am falling in love with you. That is what is making this so much harder for me.” 

To be continued.......

Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius​ @lostgirl14480​

[obtain-this-grain]

“All of It.”

this is my first maplekeen fic! it took me like 7 hours, so if you like it, consider reblogging! its probably not the best but im proud and thats all that matters. please excuse any typos, i proofread like 6 times but still.

_______________________________________________________Argo crept into the dorm, thinking about his meeting with the Unbroken Chain. The group still needs much more information on Fitzroy. Argo hates going around his friends back but he’s sworn to his “hobby”. 

Argo tried his best to “tip toe” into his and the firbolg’s' side of the quarters, not noticing the half-elf staring at him. Fitzroy cleared his throat, making Argo look towards him on the couch in the common area. Panicking a bit, Argo started rambling. 

“Er.. hello Fitzroy! How are you, my dear friend?”

“I'm fine, Argo. Couldn’t sleep.”

Fitzroy tried his best to play it off like that, atleast. In reality he had been waiting here ever since Argo left, being practically torn apart by the anxiety of where his coworker could be. 

God, he hated calling Argo that. “Coworker”. It made his stomach hurt. 

“Oh! Good!.. Well not good that you couldn’t sleep but... You know what I mean” Argo replied, getting more anxious by the second. 

Fitzroy hides a smile at that and pats the couch next to him. Argo debates this for a second, thinking it would be easier to just go to bed and forget about this whole interaction. 

He gives in when he looks at Fitzroy again, this time at his eyes. The half elf’s eyes look so exhausted yet so beautiful, the moonlight coming in through the windows making them shine.

Argo drops his bag and walks over to his friend. He sits down a few inches away, feeling uncomfortable.

Fitzroy looks at him, somewhat admiring his face. Fitzroy wants nothing more than to just scoot closer to the genasi and lay his head on his shoulder. 

Argo looks down at his hands and at the coffee table, looking anywhere but at his boss. He feels, no, he knows he’ll break down if he looks at Fitzroy’s face after just discussing the half elf’s life to strangers who have no business knowing.

Fitzroy coughs a bit, perhaps trying to lessen the silence the two are sitting in. 

“So... Where did you run off to?” Fitzroy asks quietly. 

Argo is knocked out of his “trance” when he replies. “Hm? Oh well ya know, just some errands. Went to the library, dropped some books off. The usual.” 

“At 3 in the morning?” Fitzroy questions again.

“Yeah! Well. I guess the library is closed right now, isn’t it?” Argo states, slightly more to himself rather than the man next to him.

Fitzroy simply nods, his stomach tying itself into knots.

“To tell you the truth. I-. I can't tell you Fitz, I’m sorry.” Argo practically whispers the last bit.

Fitzroy’s heart practically bursts. It’s a lover, isn’t it? He knew he wasn’t for Argo. He knew it. He knew it. 

“Well” Fitzroy’s voice cracked. “I hope you had fun.”

This makes Argo look up at Fitzroy, seeing the tears welling up in his eyes. 

Fitzroy quickly wipes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Hm, goodnight, Argonaut.” He says, quickly standing up and walking to his quarters, closing the door gingerly.

Argo finally breaks, letting his tears fall. 

“God! Why’d I have to join this dumb club? I just ruined my fucking chances! We were so close.” He put his head on his hands. 

Sitting on the sofa and sobbing at 3 am wasn’t how Argo thought his Friday night would go. He especially didn’t think it would be over practically losing someone he cared for. 

———————————————————

Fitzroy woke up late that day, expecting everyone to be out and about. Instead he found Argo asleep on the couch and the firbolg sitting next to him on the floor, sketching some sort of tree. 

“Good morning.. bossss” the firbolg spoke without looking at Fitzroy, staying focused on his drawing. 

“Morning, Dr. Mushrooms”

“I.. heard you speaking wit.. Argo last night.” Bud added

“Oh! You did? I apologize we woke you.”

“Argonaut was wery... angry wit himself. After you.. left.” 

Fitzroy didn’t reply this time, he just internalized what Bud had said.

Argo started to stir with all the noise, blinking his eyes open and stretching. 

“Ermm good morning, Master firbolg.”

Argo sat up and looked around the room, seeing Fitzroy and staring at him for a moment before getting up and quickly walking over to the door, picking up his bag. 

“My! Would you look at the time! My blame taking class is about to start.” he stated, closing the door behind him.

Obviously it wasn’t, Argo just needed to get out of that situation. Fast.

“It is saturday... is it not?” the firbolg asked, confused.

“It is.” Fitzroy replied sadly. “God, I'm so scared I messed up. He probably hates me.”

The firbolg simply stares at him as Fitzroy walks to the door.

“I have to go, we’ll catch up later.” and with that, Fitzroy is gone.

———————————————————

Argo is seated at a lunch table with Raineer, talking about the night's happenings but making sure to leave out the bit about the Unbroken Chain.

“And- and I fucked it up! We were just getting close. He was just trusting me. God, what am I gonna do?  I ruined it. I fu-“ he was cut off by Raineer.

“Why don’t you just tell him how you feel? You might not be able to tell him the whole truth but at least tell him your feelings.” She replied, taking another bite of her ramen. 

Argo kept rambling on. “I can't do that! He already hates my guts!” 

“That’s not true, I know it for a fact.” Raineer said in return.

“Either way, I can’t tell him. we’re- we’re colleagues!” Argo pauses.

His face saddens when he realizes what he said. They really are colleagues, nothing more.

“Thanks for the chat Raineer. I’m gonna go.” Argo got up from the table, tossed his orange away and left the dining hall.

———————————————————

Fitzroy is sifting through books at the library. He normally isn’t here, but it’s the only place without people on the weekend.

He spots a specific book, “Kathy Easom's Easy Cake Recipes”. Grabbing it off the shelf, he walks over to a quiet corner and starts flipping through. 

Fitzroy tried to read. He really did, but was unsuccessful overall. He couldn't stop thinking about Argo. He couldn't stop thinking about last night. He couldn’t stop thinking about how much he hurts. He closed his eyes, letting a tear fall. 

He sat for a moment, simply breathing.

Fitzroy got up after a few minutes. He's got a mission now. Fitzroy was going to find Argo and talk to him. Maybe tell him how he feels, maybe just fix whatever happened last night. Either way it should help.

Leaving the library, Fitzroy went back to the dorm. 

The half elf stayed there for a while, till about sundown, when he realized Argo probably wasn’t going to show up. 

Instead, Fitzroy headed to the fountain. Thinking back to a previous late night conversation with Argo. He remembered that Argo likes to go there when he’s stressed.

———————————————————

Fitzroy doesn’t find Argo at the fountain. However, he does find a bit of peace. 

He was the only student there and the sound of the water almost lulled him to sleep. If he wasn’t anxious he probably would’ve dozed off. 

Fitzroy sat at the fountain until the moon was high. The firbolg had stopped by earlier to check in, bringing him a water bottle, but he left soon after. 

Fitzroy wondered when he would go inside, if he would go inside. He simply sat alone with his thoughts and the sound of running water. 

The half-elf yawned, about to stand and head in for the night when he heard humming from the other side of the fountain. 

It was the fucking Thundermen theme song.

Whoever was humming had to be Argo. The three of them are the only ones who know the song in the first place, and it’s definitely not the firbolg. You would’ve been able to see him over the fountain.

Fitzroy froze, thinking of what to do. He could just leave, pretend he didn’t see the argo. That wouldn’t really fix anything, though. 

———————————————————

Argo was completely oblivious to the half-elf standing on the other side of the fountain. He stared into the water, watching it ripple as he dipped his hand in. He sighed. 

“What am I going to do? I ruined any chance I have with him.” Argo spoke out loud. After all, he thought he was alone.

Fitzroy heard this. Straightening out his cloak, he strutted around the fountain (trying to look very cool), towards Argo. 

“hEllo Argo. Fuck.” He whispered the last bit, not expecting his voice to break like that. clearing his throat he tried again.

“Hello. Argo.” He said, calmer this time.

Argo was already staring at him in shock. How much had Fitzroy heard? Had he followed him out here? Argo was in deep shit if he followed him.

“Boss!” Argo exclaimed.

Fitzroy winced.

“Erm. How long have you been here?” Argo questioned.

“Sunset. I’ve just been here, chilling.”

Fitzroy cursed himself for that. “Chilling”? What was he thinking?

“Oh! so you’ve been here quite a while, hm?” Argo chuckled nervously. “How- how much did you hear?”

Fitzroy was silent for a few seconds before replying. He went over and sat on the ledge of the fountain, next to his friend.

“All of it, Argo.”

“Oh. Well then. I guess the cats out of the bag then. Listen-“ his words quickened. “I'm sorry about last night. I just really can’t tell you where I go-“ talking a bit faster, “I just really care about you and I’m so sorry I hurt you. I hope I can fix this, I'm sor-“. 

Fitzroy placed his hand on the genasi’s leg, effectively silencing him. 

“I- I care about you too, Argo. And I also wanted to apologize. I overreacted last night.” Fitzroy spoke softly, trying to calm the man sitting next him.

Argo smiled weakly, looking into Fitzroy’s eyes. They were just as beautiful as the night before. 

Fitzroy was doing the same, looking into Argo’s eyes. They were an amazing green tonight. Fitzroy blushed. 

Argo raised his hand to Fitzroy’s cheek. The half elf leaned into his touch, closing his eyes and sighing. 

Now both of them were blushing. 

They leaned forwards, almost touching their foreheads together. Fitzroy cupped Argo's face as well, his eyes flicking from the other man's eyes to his lips and back. 

“May I?” Fitzroy asked.

Argo simply nodded, leaning forward and kissing Fitzroy. God, he had dreamed of this moment. 

The kiss was beautiful. It was soft and passionate and full of so much pent of love. It was perfect. 

When they came apart they both took a deep breath, smiling. 

Fitzroy’s hands were on Argo’s thighs now, resting there. Argo's hands were on fitzroys shoulders now. 

Their foreheads leaned against each other and Argo started laughing. Fitzroy quirked his eyebrow, questioning Argo’s “outburst”.

“I never thought I would get to do that!” he smiled.

Fitzroy just kissed him again, this time shorter but full of the same, if not more, love. 

That evening they returned to the dorm, hand in hand.

________________________________________________________________

[strangerthingsharrington]

Can’t Fight This Feeling

-12-

Once everyone came down from the shock of everything we started talking. Trying to think of something, anything, to get us out of the position we were in.

But..it was almost midnight and Dustin and Erica started showing their exhaustion. Erica fell asleep first with Dustin going about ten minutes later. Robin pushed through a little longer but she fell asleep leaning against one of the walls.

I was past the point of exhaustion and had new energy. I sighed and leaned against some of the boxes, trying in vain to relax.

A few feet away sat Steve, running a hand through his hair.

"Well?" I asked him.

He looked back at me questioningly, "Well?" he echoed.

"What are we going to do?" I asked.

He sighed, "I have no idea, I mean, none of the buttons work and we can't climb out...I have no idea."

I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes, "The walkie talkie?" I wondered.

He hummed, "Maybe, but there's no point now since it's so late. Doubtful anyone would even hear it."

I bit my lip, "So we're just...stuck."

I heard him shuffling so I looked over to him and sat that he moved to sit right in front of me, our legs just a few inches away from each other.

"For now," he stated, "we're gonna get out of here...it just won't be through the elevator right now. When the doors open-"

"We'll have to fight," I finished simply.

He grinned at me, "Or be sneaky and get out," he raised his brows.

"Or be sneaky," I agreed, "how would we do that though?"

He sighed, "I'm not sure," he admitted, "that's the problem...it might have to be an on the move kinda plan that we can't plan for."

I knew he was right. We didn't know what was behind the doors. We didn't know what we were going to have to do. We wouldn't know what to do until the last possible second.

"Shit," I whispered.

"Hey," Steve softly said, causing my eyes to flash to him, "I was serious when I said I wouldn't let anything happen to Dustin, you know?"

I smiled back cautiously, "I know."

He cleared his throat, "That extends to you too, okay? I won't let anything happen to either of you...Robin and Erica too, obviously," he added, "I swear it."

"Thanks Steve," I told him.

Steve stretched his legs out in front of him, which put them next to my legs, "You happy to be almost done with school?" he questioned.

I sighed straightening my legs out too. It clicked in my head in an instant. Could this be the moment where I got all my feelings about King Steve off my chest? So that maybe every time I looked at Steve I wouldn't have this subconscious fear of whatever he was thinking about? Could this be the moment I, finally, stand up for myself the way I should've against them for years?

I cleared my throat and looked away from him, "Yeah, this is finally gonna be a good year I think, so I'm more looking forward to that."

"Finally?" he asked, puzzled.

I let my eyes ghost over him for a second before looking down at my lap, "Yeah...now that some certain kids are gone, I might actually have a pleasant school year."

I took a peak up at him and say his eyes watching me intently, "Who?"

Just as quickly as my semi bravery came, it was gone. I realized I didn't want to hurt his feelings or anything. 

I looked down once again, "Tommy and Carole mostly...but um," I bit my lip, wishing I could backtrack and not say anything else, but I was too far gone, "you were there for one big one."

"What?" he blurted, shocked.

I took a breath and looked up at him, seeing the sadness already evident on his face, "When Tommy told me you had a crush on me? Then you laughed and told him how messed up that was. You also called me Lisa so..."

He sighed deeply and rubbed a hand on the back of his neck, "Shit," he whispered quietly, "I honestly don't remember that...but yeah that sounds like something douchy Steve would be involved in," Steve lamented, as I watched his body semi deflate as this realization.

I shrugged my shoulders gently, "You definitely were."

He ran a hand through his hair before bringing his knees up to his chest, "That's not...me anymore, Lou," he expressed, wrapping his arms around his knees.

I shot him a small smile, "So I've been told," I told him before sighing heavily, "Steve I don't-I dont necessarily think thats you anymore either...but that was just such a shitty thing, and I really wanted to get it off my chest."

He let his legs stretch out once more and his mouth fell open, "Is that...is that why you hadn't really talked to me when I started hanging around with Dustin? Or why you seemed a bit standoff-ish at the beginning of all this?" he wondered watching for my reaction.

I looked away from him as I nodded slowly.

"Lou," he breathed, I looked back to him and saw the regret in his eyes, he looked so sad, "I'm really sorry...about all of that," he told me earnestly, fidgeting with the hem of his scoops ahoy shirt.

I smiled a little and looked away from him, "Thanks."

"Please don't...accept the apology unless you...really accept it. I was a true asshole in school, and I just-shit," he said, looking up to the ceiling, "I know how much of a jerk I was to a lot of people, Lou. You included, same with Jonathan and probably Robin too."

"Steve," I began, "Steve, please look at me," I pleaded.

He took a second but he finally lowered his head and made eye contact with me.

"I know that...that was all high school shit and maybe it was to save face with Tommy H and Carole...regardless, yeah you kinda sucked in high school," I rambled, trying to get to my point, "but that doesn't seem like you now. And I wasn't bringing this up to make you feel bad or to upset or hurt you...it's just been something that's been weighing on me for so long, then we're thrown into this madness together. I just wanted to get this off of me so that I coukd start dealing with it instead of bottling it up."

"Trust me, I'm happy you brought it up," he told me, "I don't want you to have this version of me in your head anymore. The shit I did to a lot of people was-it was really messed up. I can't change it, but I can try and change the way you think of me going forward."

"I appreciate that a lot, Steve, really I do," I admitted, "we really don't have to keep talking about this...it's been said so we can just...continue onwards."

"Just before we move forward or whatever, I just...shit," he sighed running both hands through his hair before looking back to me with an intensity I hadnt seen before from him, "I will never intentionally hurt you, Louise. Seriously, I-I was a jerk back then, not that that's an excuse, but that's the truth. And I'm so sorry you've carried that around with you all this time, it should have never happened. I'm just...so sorry. Really, really from the bottom of my heart, I'm so sorry."

I was taken aback a bit because of his response to this. I never once thought he would react to this the way he did. With absolute sincerity and honesty and admitting how much of a jerk he was. I couldnt believe it.

"Thank-you, Steve," I said, breathlessly, "that means a lot to me."

He grinned sadly at me briefly before his eyes looked downcast. I looked away from him to give him his space after all of that. He finally spoke up after a few minutes.

"So I mean...have you started looking at colleges yet?" he asked quietly.

I smiled over at him, "A few...I think im gonna stay local though, be close to mom and Dust...especially knowing all this now, I'll wanna be as close as I can be," I chuckled.

"What about you? Where are you headed this year?" I asked him.

"To Scoops Ahoy," he answered automatically.

I squinted, "Oh...so no college?"

He cleared his throat, "No...I figured that I'd take a year off and work, you know, learn the value of earning and all that shit. Then figure out what I wanna do."

"That's smart, Steve," I smiled.

He shook his head with a small smile, "Honestly I just wanted to see if my story was as believable to people as I wanted it to be. Truthfully, I didn't get into any school that I wanted and my dad said I needed to get a job...and that's the scoops ahoy story."

I immediately felt bad for him, "I'm really sorry, Steve."

He shrugged, "Hey...that's life I guess. I proved my dad right that I wouldn't amount to anything other than working for him so...I mean, you heard what he said...I'm his biggest disappointment," he mumbled.

"What do you want to do?"

"What?"

"What do you want to be when you're older?"

He scratched his head, "Oh...I dont know, I guess. I've never really thought of it too much.  What about you?"

"I want to be an accountant, I've done my moms taxes for the last few years just for fun before she gave them to the actual accountant and I've always been right. I like numbers and stuff," I explained, feeling self conscious that he would think I'm a nerd or something.

"That's a good one," he nodded with a smile, "you're really smart, Lou. You could literally do anything, I think."

My face flushed at his words, "Thanks," I said softly.

He hesitated with a thoughtful expression, "Maybe a teacher," he finally said, "I like hanging out with your brother and the other kids in the party for the most part...I like imparting my wisdom on them and helping them out...yeah...a teacher sounds good," he said with a very faint smile, but the smile was gone in an instant.

"But no school will take me for that...my grades were shit, no one would want me teaching their kids," he declared with an eye roll before looking to the wall.

I put my hand on his knee and shook it to get him to look at me, "Go and talk to the principle or something...maybe they can help out somehow? Taking night classes or something so you can bring your grades up?"

"Yeah that'd look good, Steve Harrington returns to Hawkins High because he got rejected from every school he applied to," he said sarcastically.

I scoffed, "No, it would look like, Steve Harrington returns to school to work towards a better life for himself."

"I'd probably flunk those classes too," he said dejected.

I scooted up so we were closer to each other, and took his hand in mine, looking right in his eyes, "Steve...you've gotta have faith in yourself. If you don't wanna work for your dad then don't work for him. If you don't want to turn out like him, then don't. Nothing is stopping you. You're young, Steve, you can make something of yourself. And you're smart-"

"Not really-"

"Yes you are! You can acknowledge things that you did wrong in the past, you helped with the plan for getting in here, and you're gonna help get us out! I dont know who's been telling you that you're not smart, but they're wrong. Just put your mind to something, Steve, and you'll get whatever it is that you want," I squeezed his hand as I spoke.

He sent me a small smile, "You should re think your career choice and become a motivational speaker."

I laughed quietly, "I'll think about it."

"But seriously, thank you for that...that huh...yeah that means a lot to have someone say that," he explained, putting his other hand over ours.

"No problem," I smiled, "and I'll help you too, Steve. Picking classes, with homework, studying, I'd be happy to help."

"Thank-you," he murmured.

I smiled at him before sliding myself back against the wall, letting his hand go gently in the process.

"So...when the door opens..."

"I'm telling you, I can take them on," he told me, "whoever is on the other side, I'll take them out!" he joked.

I laughed quietly, "I'm sure you will," I said through a yawn.

"Get some sleep, Lou," he told me gently, patting my knee.

I hummed and leaned my head against the wall, "You have too, to."

"I will," he promised.

I sighed, "Close your eyes too, Steve," I said as my eyelids closed by themselves.

"I will, Lou, I swear," he reassured me, with his hand still on my knee.

"Night, Steve," I whispered wearily.

"Night, Louise," he whispered soothingly back to me.

——

Title credit to REO Speedwagon and gif credit to owner

[softstraykidsimagines]

Boyfriend!Felix Stray Kids

OH BOY

Felix.

The meme himself

The creator of Changpil

I know right here and now this is going to end me

Let’s get started!

His crush on you is so bloody obvious

He’s not the subtle type

That’s not to say he isn’t hella shy with you tho

No no

He’s gonna tease you to no end istg

But he’ll always end up reassuring you that he doesn’t mean it at all and how special you truly are

Just RaNDoMly likes to crush you in a hug

Quoting the meme “that’s my best friend that’s my best friend!!””

Ye he’s very energetic with you

He’s never

NEVER

Going to stop talking around you

Unless he gets flustered with you

And then he’ll sit verrrrry still

Hands on his lap

With his lips pressed together

And owl eyes

0_0

You don’t really get why he does it

It’s cute tho

What you don’t realize is that he’s fighting with every fiber of his being to not scream and dance around because

Holy shit

He’s head over heels for you

He’s gonna try to confess romantically

Pfft like that’s gonna work out

Gonna try to take you to your favorite takeout restaurant and buy your favorite food

And he’s gonna try to stay calm

He doesn’t stay calm

He’ll suddenly blurt everything in one go:

“Soireallylikeyouandivelikedyouforasuperlongtimesoiwashopingwecouldhangoutasmorethanjustfriendssometime???!!!!!”

Basically shouted

And you’re sitting in front of him SH00K AF because

1) he confessed so suddenly

2) he did just basically yell in your face

Needless to say you’re a little lost

And poor Felix

He just looks at you horrified, apologizes for shouting and kinda looks in every direction as if waiting for someone to come rescue him

But he doesn’t get up

And finally lowers his head

“Sorry I was an idiot there…. I panicked…? I don’t know how to think staight with you”

And you’re about to get teary-eyed because BOI THAT WAS SO SINCERE

“I really like you too, Felix” you say beaming

He’s gonna look at you with the happiest smile ever omg

The same expression he had when JYP said they were debuting as 9 that expression gives me life tbh

So there we go! You guys go on a first date and it’s a sealed deal from there!

Dates with Felix

How to put it?

Chaotic? Ye that’s the word

Improvised, chaotic, fun, amazing dates

You’re ready to collapse at the end of it lol

Especially loves to go to archades or a laser tag I LOVE LASER TAG AND I WANT TO PLAY LASER TAG WITH FELIX DAMMIT *ahem* excuse me

Can you imagine running around in a dark room playing against another huge team

Which Felix is in

You don’t really know-how you both ended up on different teams smh

And you round a corner to see him facing you with the slyest of smiles

“Hey y/n! Look, I’ve got a gun!!” And proceeds to shoot you

Earning a yell of anger from you as he runs away laughing his ass off

Isn’t shy about skinship

Holds your hand without hesitation

But if you peck him on the cheek without warning

He’s gonna have a red face

And he’ll slowly melt into a puddle of goo in your hands

Ye he’s soft

Your first kiss is from a dare I bet

“You need to beat me at this game or I get a kiss”

“But you’re really good at this game and I suck!!”

“Exactly! Now let’s play”

He wins but you refuse to kiss him

“I never agreed to your terms, mister”

He pouts like a puppy but you don’t back down

“Fine then” he sulks “I’ll play it your way” and he snatches your food

Crisps, gummy sweets or a churro, he’s gonna take it and run off with it

“HOW. DARE. YOU STEAL MY FOOD! GET BACK HERE” you run after him, and you both get looks from passing people they judgin you hard

You finally catch up to him, huffing and puffing “give it back, dork”

He jumps around refusing to give your food back

You’ve lost all patience by now

You’re practically steaming when you finally growl “give it back you son of a b—“

He kissed you right on the lips, interrupting you

When you part he’s gonna let out a little scream

“I’m sorry I surprised you! That wasn’t at all planned! Can we rewind and start over??”

And then he’ll run away again, panicking.

With your food.

“FELIX ITS FINE JUST GIVE ME BACK MY DAMN SNACK”

Hehe you better wear ear defenders when you meet the rest of SK

They’re gonna scream 10x louder than ever when they see you

Congratulating Felix, warning you not to tell him where you hide your food etc

You know, Stray Kids stuff :)

“Y/n, can you teach us how you keep him under control?” -Hyunjin

“That would be useful but no one can control that hurricane of a kid” -Chan

“Feel free to hit him if he gets too annoying” -Jisung, as felix tries to wrestle him into the ground

“I hope you’re the right one for him, y/n” says Changbin. “He’s a good person, so don’t hurt him; or you’ll have to deal with me” it highkey sounds like a threat, hello Changlix

You two are the couple that don’t know wtf they’re doing half the time

You’re just having the time of your lives being together

Both of you will be lost if the other gets sick

“Is it a cold? Flu? What can I do to help?? And I might need help in helping you...” -either one of you

After many failed attempts at trying to make food or find the right medicine, you’ll just fall asleep on each other, completely exhausted 

Felix can get insecure about his elimination in the 9th cries in 4 different languages 

And sometimes will work himself to the bone 

If you try to stop him he’ll get really defensive 

He’ll push you away 

“You don’t understand! You can’t understand! How can you?! I need to get this perfect or... or.....” 

He realizes what he said and that it must have hurt you 

Even if you keep a plain face and a steady voice, he’ll know that it hurts you 

He’ll just break down in tears 

“I’m sorry *sniff* I can’t even talk to you properly.... I want to get this right, I want to prove that I deserve to be in Stray Kids....” 

You’re crying as hard as he is

Because his pain is yours as well 

You hug him tightly, listing all the amazing things he can do 

And all the things you love about him 

And you’ll repeat over and over how much he does deserve to be in Stray Kids

And that will calm him down 

NO MORE ANGST IM CRYING DONT LOOK AT ME 

He loves teaching you dances 

Not just dances that SK have done, but dances he’s done before moving to Korea 

Will actually interrupt you if you try to tell him that you can’t dance 

“You can. Because I’m teaching you. And i say you can dance. So you can dance.” 

Veeeerrry stubborn  

Tried to teach you to beat box like him 

It doesn’t work 

Sometimes asks for help when he’s learning something new in Korean 

Even if you suck at speaking it he’ll enjoy trying to learn with you 

Isn’t the texting type 

He’ll call/FaceTime you when he knows you’re free and when he wants to update you in the day 

Is the type to yell your name as soon as you pick up 

And you reciprocate by yelling his name 

If you’re in a place where you won’t draw too much attention to yourself 

You both send your fav memes 

Or quote them lmao 

He loves quoting hella old things the other members have said and melts when you start saying them too 

It drives SK up the wall RIP 

You two are in charge of cooking 2-3 nights a week for the boys 

Neither of you know why Chan was so ruddy insistant on it 

But meh you just roll with it 

If you have to cut onions, you’re both gonna start singing Seventeen’s ‘Don’t Wanna Cry’ 

The cooking days can be either a complete success 

Or a total disaster 

There is no in between 

At all. 

But most of the time you guys make a decent meal to feed 8 other hungry children artists so everyone’s happy 

This boy is nervous as fuck to meet your family  

At first he tries to back out of it 

“Ah ye, I think I’ll be sick on that day?” 

“What?” 

“I MEAN I MIGHT HAVE AN APPOINTMENT” 

He sucks at lying 

But he actually gets his shit together when you meet up 

Good clothes, perfect hair I mean he has perfect hair anyway sooo 

And he’s super smiley 

He’s obviously tense 

To you anyway 

But your fam don’t seem to pick up on his nervousness 

And the day goes by smoothly, and Felix finally relaxes 

He’s gonna flip his shit when you ask to come with him next time he goes to Australia 

He’s gonna start planning it immediately 

If his family don’t beat him to it and visit in Korea that is....

Then he stops functioning 

Amazing s/o + family = happiest boy on the planet 

And you’re relatively chilled about meeting him parents 

And they are SO SWEET 

You get along so freaking well with his sisters and he lowkey becomes jealous 

It’s just the most amazing thing for both of you ever 

In the evenings after practice Felix loves to just drift off while you two talk 

From what you did in the day to a random anecdote from a decade ago 

He enjoys the peace of it until he falls asleep 

Will collapse with happiness if you wear his hoodies 

“ITS LOOKS SO GOOD ON YOU” 

“Felix are you seriously crying right now?”

“I’m just so stupidly lucky” 

Definitely not gonna say ‘I love you’ on purpose 

100% an accident 

He’s gonna say it when he’s half asleep, probs won’t even realize that he’s said it until you react 

“Man, I must dead-ass be the luckiest person on Earth to have someone as amazing as you” he rambles. “I love you so much and I just want to tell the world that I do....” 

Leaving you SH00K to the core 

“YOU WOT MATE?” 

If you say it first he’s gonna cry 

Don’t @ me I know he’s gonna cry 

He's probs stolen your food again

And he’s lowkey being a twat 

“If you had to choose your fav food or me, what would you choose?” 

“Seriously? The food, duh” 

“DUDE WHAT? Alright then! I’ll just leave” you drag him back by his arm 

“Noooooo don’t leave I don’t want you to gooooo” 

“Why not?” 

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU DAMMIT, WHY ELSE YOU IDIOT” 

He’d do that thing again 

0_0 

“Oh my god, Felix I’m sorry it just slipped out” 

“...”

“Felix?”

“I LOVE YOU TOO” he screams 

Once again leaving you SH00K 

And he’ll crush you in the biggest hug ever 

IM SO SOFT HALP MEH 

When SK are away 

Ngl, I would pray for them 

Felix is a whiney baby without you 

Can even be in a grumpy mood 

FaceTimes you in the evenings 

His or your evenings, depending on the time zone

And you two will talk quietly until one of you falls asleep

It’s insanely adorable 

Will actually start dancing in the airport before seeing you because he’s so bloody excited 

And the rest of the boys disown him 

“Who’s that, dancing? He looks like a pigeon” -Woojin

“Dunno, never seen him before in my life” -Minho

Earning a protest from Felix

Your ears will fall off when he finally sees you 

“OHMYGODY/NYOU’REHEREI’VEMISSEDYOUSOMUCHI’MSOGLADTOSEEYOUAGAIN” 

“FELIX SHUT UP YOU’RE RAMBLING AGAIN”

“WHY ARE WE STILL YELLING?”

Changbin butts in “I DON’T KNOW SO SHUT THE FUCK UP”

He’ll go public about your relationship anytime after a year 

In the least flattering way for you 

He’s definitely the guy who pretends to take a photo and ends up taking a video smh 

You’re both smiling at the camera and he’s not taking it 

“Hurry up, man, my cheekbones are getting sore” 

No response from him 

You immediately catch on what he was doing 

“Omg I can’t believe you!!!” 

As he laughs like an idiot 

Will still make sure you’re ok with him posting it tho 

And when he does 

TheInternetHasShutDown.jpg 

You guys will break the internet

There’s not a single person of consequence who doesn’t love you two 

It’s absolutely amazing 

A/N: PHEW! This adorable nugget coming to wreck all your bias lists lmao

Hope enjoy reading! Later :D

[goldenchildkatsuki]

“It’s about having fun”

request by @awesome-yet-weird-weirdo: “could you do a fluffy kacchako? im a sucker fot this ship its my otp. especially the ideo of bakugou being sweet in his own way like he might SEEM like an ass but hes trying his best ok”

Writers note: Ahh, my first request! I had no idea that my first request would come so quickly. I’m extremely excited to work on this/ And thank you for telling me my ask wasn’t open, that was a bit silly of me. I had a lot of fun writing this. I really wanted to be good. I hope it’s a decent amount of fluff for you. Can’t wait to hear your feedback.

Summary: It’s Open Academy week at UA. A week full of lectures, workshops and extra training from a fair variety of heroes connected to the school. The students must pick out of a selection of activities and set up their own schedule. The goal is to experience new things, learn a tiny bit more than in the standard classes, meet other heroes and spend time with other classes!

Bakugou couldn’t wait for Open Academy week. He was always striving to learn as much as possible to stay ahead of everyone. What perfect way to do so to go to nearly every lecture, workshop and training possible. Although it would definitely be an exhausting week, he would be an absolute idiot not to atleast try. The workshop he looked most forward to was the streetfights and public harassment  training the hero Gunhead gave at the end of the week.

Ship: Kacchako (Uraraka x Bakugou)

Tags: Bakugou POV, Slow Burner, kinda? Quite fluffy

Word count: 4.572 

Oi Bakugou!’ Kirishima yelled whilst running at him with a hand full of paper and folders. ‘What is it?’ Bakugou sneered. He was just about to go to his room and make sure his schedule was ready to hand in. ‘Sorry man, I was just about to ask if you had your schedule ready. Wanted to see if we had some workshops together.’ Bakugou turned his head away from Kirishima and  started walking up the stairs. ‘Tch! As if I care who I’m in a workshop with. And you shouldn’t care either idiot.’ The red haired boy started sulking a little bit and put the papers in the backpocket of his pants. ‘I think you’re forgetting about the “having fun” part of Open Academy week you know?’ Bakugou stood still for a second. He bit his bottom lip. He hated when someone mentioned he should have more fun or loosen up. To him, that was equal to slacking off and that’s the last thing he wanted to do. If he wanted to become the number one hero someday he could definitely not slack off. Bakugou thought of a good insult for a second to make that over-enthausiatic boy shut up for the whole week, but he decided to simply growl and walk further up the stairs. ‘Bakugou, c’mon!’ he heard Kirishima yelling from down the stairs. Walking to his room, Bakugou only looked at his feet. Why did that stupid comment affect him that much. He heard it  so often, he shouldn’t-

In a second his shoulder connected with another shoulder and he lost his balance. ‘Hey dumbass, look where the fuck you’re going next time!’ He looked around to see who he bumped into untill he saw a girl on the floor surrounded by papers and folders. ‘Ouch! You weren’t looking where you were going either!’ Uraraka looked up annoyed and as if she only just realized who she was talking to she awkwardly waved her hands infront of her trying to retract what she said. ‘Oh, Oh! I’m sorry Bakugou, I’m sorry, I’m- Let me just-.’ “What a mess she is.” Bakugou thought. Even though he liked people being afraid of him because to him it meant that they admired him, he got an uneasy feeling whenever the floaty girl acted like that towards him. After their battle at the Sport Festival he started respecting her. Seeing her come up with such a desperate and reckless plan made him a bit scared of her to be honest and not a lot of people have made him feel that way. He always tried to be his definition of civil towards her. Correcting her form whilst sparring, not going easy on her during training because he knows she hates that and trying not to call her names in class. But his loud and graveling voice seemed to scare her off still, even though he’s being a civil as he can be. ‘Bakugou, hellooo? Ba-ku-gou?’ Uraraka stood infront of him, with all her folders and papers clutched to her chest and her face a bit too close for comfort. “Fuck, she’s really close”, he told himself in his head, “doesn’t she know what personal space is?” Uraraka sighed. ‘Well then, anyways, sorry for bumping into you, see ya!’ and she walked off. He must’ve looked like a complete idiot, lost in what seemed like an infinite train of thought, just standing there like a complete loser. He needed to wake the fuck up. ‘Wait!’ he yelled. Uraraka jolted and turned around slowly. Bakugou looked at her from head to toe and stopped at her chest. The first folder she was holding was from the workshop he most looked forward to go.

‘Gunhead’s workshop,’ he muttered, ‘are you going his workshop?’ A smile creeped up Uraraka’s face. The boy felt his face get warm and his ears go red. Stupd roundface, stupid smile, stupid bright pink cheeks, stupid chocolately brown eyes, stupid girl. ‘Ah yes!’ she chirped. ‘My internship at his agency was a very good learning experience and he actually asked me to help out with a few things, so I’m definitely going there. What about you?’ Bakugou looked at his feet again, there’s no way she’s allowed to feel how stupid he thinks he looks. ‘Maybe.’ He said softly. ‘Maybe?’ ‘Yeah, I said maybe! I don’t know, I have a lot of other workshops I want to go to and-‘ Why was he rambling, he knew damn well he’s going to go to that workshop, why was lying to her? ‘You should definitely sign up for his workshop, it would be loads of fun and I think there’s not too many students that have signed up yet so there’s definitely a spot for you!’ she skipped towards him and started bouncing whilst talking more about the workshop and Gunhead himself. She looked so stupid, way too happy about this sort of thing. Just like Kirishima. Did she even take this half as seriously as he did? He felt himself get hotter and redder so he decided to cut her off. ‘Alright, alright! I guess, I’ll sign up, but don’t even get it in that tiny mind of yours that it’s because of you got it?!’ Uraraka giggled and started walking off again. Before heading into her room she turned around and winked. ‘Got it!’ and she went into her room. Tiny explosions went off inside Bakugou’s heart instead of his palms. This feeling that girl gave him. Disgusting.

After a tough week of attending almost every activity of Open Academy week he went to his room to change into a new set of clothes. He really worked his ass of in Mr. Snipe’s workshop and his clothes really smelled bad after that. He took off his jacket and looked in the mirror at his arms. Even though it were just rubber bullets Snipe fired off they still did some damage. Tiny red and blue bruises started forming on his arms. ‘Fuck,’ he muttered and jumped on his bed. He hated to admit it, but he was extremely tired. Exhausted you could say. His whole body was hurting and the fact he wasn’t allowed to wear his hero costume the whole week meant that his wrists and arms were doing the utter most. ‘One more to go.’ He tried to motivate himself. He got up, changed into a comfortable pair of sweats and a black tank top and looked on his phone for a bit. Five minutes. Five minutes to prepare for Gunhead’s workshop, five minutes to mentally prepare being with Uraraka for a hundred minutes, the longest time they spent together. Of course they wouldn’t be the only people there, so it wouldn’t really be spending time together. Though he hoped that when choosing partners she would choose him. He already knew from past workshops that no one really wanted to team up with him and he’s usually the last one left. Always getting put with some scared fuck that didn’t have a single ounce of strength or dedication in his or her body.  

‘Ba-Bakugou, are you in there?’ He jumped up and launched himself at his door. ‘Who the fu-‘ he looked through his peephole to find her infront of his door, awkardly fidgeting like she always did. ‘Uraraka?! He yelled. What in the actual fucking fuck is she doing here? In front of his door? “Don’t tell me that she came to pick me up”. ‘Uh, yeah! I wanted to know if you were still coming? To the workshop I mean. It starts in…now, the workshop actually starts now! Oh no, I’m going to be late, I had no idea it would take this long to walk back to the dorm and-‘ Bakugou grabbed his phone, shoved it in his pocket and flung the door open. ‘Let’s go then, Gunhead would be disappointed if you were late.’ He said brushing past her. He started jogging his way downstairs, out of the dorm and to the impromptu dojo at the back of the dorm. Every now and then he looked behind him. She’s keeping up quite well. He couldn’t get a good look of her, but he knew she looked different. ‘Wait up, would ya!’ ‘You’re keeping up just fine.’ When there, Bakugou confidently slid the paper door open. ‘Excuse me, have you already started?!’ The six people already standing in a perfect line each tuned around and give him an irritated look. ‘Yes we have actually! You can still join the class, it’s okay, as long as you remember that a hero is always punctual and should be on ti-.’ ‘Excuse me, excuse me!’ Now Uraraka brushed past him. ‘I’m so so sorry Mr. Gunhead! This was the friend I told you I might bring; Bakugou Katsuki. I didn’t think it was going to take this long to walk to the dorm from here. I must’ve been tired because I usually don’t walk this slow.’ Gunhead starts to laugh, walks towards her and pats her head. ‘It’s alright Ochako! We haven’t fully started yet. I’m glad you brought your friend. Bakugou Katsuki huh? Number one at the Sports Festival if I remember correctly. You can stand in the line and you can stand next to me is that okay?’ Bakugou felt his hands go into fists. Friend? Did she really say that he was her friend.? What in the hell made her think that they were friends? She always seemed so scared of him, jumpy, warry, annoyed. Is she alright in the head? Gritting his teeth he went to stand in the line desperately trying to ignore all the eyes on him. Can they just get started? The last thing he wanted was to think about were unnecessary things. ‘I’ll start the introduction again, I’m Gunhead! A combat hero! And today were going to learn about streetfights and public harassment. How do we handle them? How do we diffuse them? Sometimes we might need to engage in combat so we’re also going to learn what the best way is too disarm thugs and pin them to the ground so they  won’t do anymore harm. This here is Uraraka Ochako and she has been an intern at my agency for a short while. She has been one of the best interns I had, very determind and very skilled. She’s going to help out today, so if you have any questions and I’m busy with another pair, you can always ask her things.’ Bakugou could tell Uraraka was nervous as hell. Her knees were wobbling a bit and her smile was a bit forced. He wouldn’t mind seeing her genuine smile again. Especially when he could see her whole face properly now. Her hair is in a tight ponytail for te first time since…Ever. She was also wearing a black tank top and wearing pink worn down shorts. Legs. It’s the first time he had seen so much of her skin. She’s quite pale in comparrison to himself. Her legs are a bit chubby but also toned just like her arms. Her waist is tiny but she still looks like she has a strong build. Very feminine, but also strong. A total bad ass. ‘Katsuki!’ He jolted up. Hearing his first name always meant serious business so he immediately jumped off his stupid train of thought Uraraka always seemed to cause. ‘We’ve already made pairs but it seems like we’re with an uneven number, do you mind pairing up with Ochako, since you’re already friends I think you won’t mind right?’ ‘Stop calling us friends, we’re not friends okay? Doubt we ever will be!’ he yelled suddenly. His face felt like it was on fire. If he heard the word “friend” one more time he was actually going to explode. There fell an awkward silence and the other students started mumbling, gossiping. ‘What a shame, I would kill to be friends with a girl that cute.’ A guy from a pair next to him said. ‘I know right, she’s so pretty it makes me looks like a sack of potatoes next to her!’ What the fuck should he do now? This was too awkward even for him to just ignore. He felt too many things and therefore didn’t know what to do. First thing on the list though was to suckerpunch the guy that called Uraraka “cute”. Suddenly he felt someone grabbing his wrist hard. ‘You’re embarassing yourself and me!’ she whispered angrily. ‘Can you not be such an brute for once in your life? Gosh!’ He’s done it now, fuck. He obviously didn’t mean to say they weren’t friends. But they also weren’t so what does it matter to him? ‘Like hell I embarassed myself, I was just thinking about who I was going to destroy in here.’ He chose to completely forget the real reason he embarassed himself. ‘That’s not-That’s not why…Forget about it.’ The girl that seemed so nervous at the start of the class turned into a girl fired up by irritation and probably also the feeling of a hero watching her. She didn’t hesitate to come at him straight away with a fake knife. ‘We’ve waisted enough time, now try to stop me!’ Bakugou, the talented child that he was, didn’t get suprised that easily and immediately got into a firm stands putting his hands before him. Ready to receive her blow. Finally his mind was just filled with what’s going on here and now. He could finally get in his element again. And there’s no way he’s letting her distract him in this class again, starting now. He received her blow just like he expected he would. ‘Gah!’ she winced. He held her arm which she was holding the knife forward and kicked one of her feet away. He knew that in this awkward position was hard to stab him in. Unexpectedly she punched the inside of his knee with her free arm. Fuck, how could he forget about that? He lost his form because of that. Gunhead is yelling instructions to everyone whilst walking up and down the dojo. Carefully listening to them he thought about his next move. But before he could even do that Uraraka yanked her arm loose, stood up, went behind him and kicked  the back of his knee again.  ‘Got you.’ She said breathing heavily in a low voice. She was clearly driven by anger now. And unlike him, she could only just control her breathing and think rationally. Before she could stab him, Bakugou rolled away, leaving her confused. In no time he was sitting on her waist and pinned both of her arms above her head. Bakogou was holding her knife and smirks. He was definitely in his element again. ‘I- You stupid, fricking..!’ He has never seen someone try so hard to get free when he’s got them pinned. Usually they try for a bit but give up quite easily. But she was really, genuinely fueled by anger. He almost felt guilty for acting so smug about his victory. He knew all too well that can increase anger times ten. She kept struggling and struggling but his weight on her waist is definitely too much. After a compliment from Gunhead she stops struggling. Bakugou looks up to him and smiled. ‘It was quite do-able sir, not really a challenge.’ “Think before you speak idiot!” he screamed to himself. “Uraraka is going to be even more pissed. If that’s even possible at this point.” Thinking that Gunhead was going to pat him on the back he reached out for Uraraka instead. ‘Ochako? Ochako, are you okay?’ Shit. Her eyes looked dull and slightly closed. Bakugou got up as quickly as he can. The rest of the class heard the comotion and stopped the training. Slowly they surrounded Uraraka. Gunhead leaned in close and checked her heartbeat and breathing. ‘She passed out. It’s likely that she exhausted herself too much. Bakugou?’ His blank face went from Uraraka to Gunhead. ‘How was she doing duringg the training?’ Gunhead asked whilst picking the tiny girl up with ease. ‘Well, her breathing was unsteady and…I don’t know, she was being stupid. Going beyond her limit again. Bad habit of hers.’ He had a hard time getting his words out. He rubbed the back of his neck and in a swift motions ran his hand through his spikey hair. What has she done? No, what has he done? If he didn’t embarass her like that she wouldn’t have gotten so pissed off and go beyond her limit again.’ Alle eyes were on him again, all angry eyes. ‘I see.’ Gunhead says. He was looking at Uraraka  had closed her eyes by now. ‘I don’t think she has to go to Recovery Girl, she just needs some rest. You’ve done well Ochako.’ Gunhead said that so softly that his whole name and look didn’t seem to fit him anymore. Bakugou wasn’t going to let himself hop onto another spiral of thoughts again so he said something he didn’t think he would ever say. He raised his hand. ‘I can take her to her room, I think it’s partially because of me that she’s like this.’ The whole class that had been silent the whole time exploded in a matter of a second. ‘You want to help her now?! You just feelt guilty, you don’t care about her! ‘You went too far!’ ‘Gunhead should be the one to care for her!’ Bakugou palms became sweatier and started sparking. ‘You fucks, I will destr-‘ Before he could finish his sentence Gunhead passed Uraraka onto Bakogou’s arms. ‘Very good, so you’re friends after all!’ The last part of the sentence he whispered whilst blushing. Bakugou adjusted his arms and held his breath. She was close again. She was definitely burning up. Could she have been battling with a fever the whole time? Before Gunhead could anything and the class could yell anymore abuse at him he took of stomping. ‘Thanks for the workshop.’ He yelled before almost walking through the paper doors. The only thing he can think about is hurrying. No one was allowed to see him holding a girl like this. What would they think of him? What would they think of them?

It’s a good thing she didn’t lock her room. This was the first time he had been in a girls room. It’s different from what he imagined. There’s a lot less pink, fluffy and unnecessary things. Her room showed off what her personality and body showed; feminine but also strong in a way. With one hand he tried to shove her duvet away to put her in bed and tucked her in real tight like his mother used to do when he was younger. ‘What now?’ he whispered to himself. He sat at her feet on the bed. His butt nearly drowned in the soft matress. ‘What the fuck?!’ He almost forgot that he should be quiet and slapped a hand over his mouth. The spikey haired boy felt so, so awkward. Wasn’t this extremely creepy in a way? He decided to go on his phone. A few texts, one from his mom asking him when he’s going to visit again. And a few texts from the groupchat containing him, Kirishima, Kaminari, Sero and Ashido. Oh, the times he had thought of stepping out that group because those bastards just don’t stop texting. Even in class. Kirishima sent some pictures of them in a few workshops. Bakugou facepalmed and rubbed his face. ‘So annoying.’ He sighed.

Boink!

There she was. Uraraka, casually floating up against the ceiling. ‘You have got to be kidding me!’ Bakugou yelled, completely forgetting the fact that Uraraka might still be asleep. How could he be so stupid to let her fingers touch in her sleep?! He hastily climbed up on her bed and pulled her down by one arm. Het gets her other arm and made her fingers touch. Softly she fell into his arms. They soak into the soft matress together. Uraraka started moaning. ‘don’twakeupdont’twakeupdon’twakeup.’ He knew damn well that it didn’t matter how many times he repeated it; she was opening her eyes already. ‘I..huh? Baku-Bakugou?!’ she started banging on his chest with fists. ‘You stupid, stupid smelly idiot, you suck!’ ‘That kinda hurts you know?’ he said whilst absorbing her punches with ease. Her eyes widened. ‘I thought this was a dream.’ Absolute silence. Her chocolate brown eyes stare into his fiery ruby eyes. Tiny explosions go off again. Her eyes were sparkling again. Thank fuck. Without thinking his rough hand went to touch her face. The still somewhat dazed girl’s eyes shifted from his hand to his eyes again. Together they became as red as tomatoes. ‘Damn, still very warm, you need some rest still,’ he said without barely moving his lips. These strange impulses are nothing like him at all. He didn’t knew how to control all his movements. He would like nothing more to step outside his body and yell at it to stop doing whatever it was doing. ‘What happened?’ Uraraka finally asked. Bakugou retracted his hand and remembered why they were here in this gooey mess in the first place. ‘You should really know your limits roundface! I seriously thought you were smarter than this.’ The explosive guy was getting angrier with every word he spat out. ‘I know you want to do well, I mean fucking hell, we all want to be the best right? But fucking take care of yourself because I don’t want to be doing it everytime. And you know, I thought you were smart enough to understand that emotions can’t take over in combat. Should’ve known since the Sport Festival. Seriously, what is wrong with you?’ Uraraka stayed silent, letting his rampage run her over. She kept looking at his eyes, at his arms, at herself lying in his lap. When he was done she just started smiling. ‘You still haven’t explained what happened ya know?’ ‘You passed out, you didn’t let me finish God dammit.’ Now he’s explained what happened there was no need to stay by her side anymore right? He shifted, aiming to lay her back to bed. ‘Wait!’ He froze. ‘Did you carry me to my room and put me to bed?’ His grip tightened a bit. ‘Well, who else was going to do it? Gunhead still had to continue the workshop. Don’t think too much of it will you?’ That last part was partially aimed at himself. In a few moments he would leave her room and bash his own head in against a wall so he never had to think about her again, her in his arms, her starring into his eyes. Uraraka put a loose strand of hair behind her ear. ‘That’s very sweet of you, thank you for that.’ He scoffed. ‘It was nothing, I said not to think too much of it.’ Uraraka, already feeling a bit better craddled of his lap and sat next to him instead. Bakugou was too scared to move incase he touched her in an inapproperiate place and ruined the whole moment that was already partially ruined by not feeling her close to him. The girl grabbed his face, came in close and put her forehead against his. ‘You’re burning up, just like I thought! And you were lecturing me? You have been attending almost every activity at Open Academy week, how are you not the one that passed out?! I think you’re forgetting about the “having fun” part of Open Academy week silly!’ Bakugou felt his stomach twist. Not again. He really thought she would understand. But at this point he felt too weak to spout a lecture intertwined with insults. She was right after all. His body was worn out and had been telling him “no more” since the third day of Open Academy week and they’re on day five. His body had finally caught up with him. ‘You know what?’ she said somewhat mysterious. She picked up a blanket from under her coffee table and threw it on them both. It he a nice baby blue color and it smelled strongly like her. This might be his most favorite scent in the world. A scent you could only describe by saying her name. ‘We should take a break. Just sit here with me okay?’ she pulled up her legs and put her arms around them. ‘Sounds good?’ she said whilst turning to him. Bakugou suddenly felt a bit sad. Fucking hell, when was the last time someone has genuinely cared about how he was doing? Only stupid Deku wondered about his wellbeing every now and then but he was sure that concern had a double meaning behind it. Bakugou hadn’t felt this sad in some time actually. As if Uraraka could tell she creeped in closer. You could almost physically see the question marks above her head. ‘You’re a real bad ass you know?’ That’s the only thing he could think of to say. To him, that should probably contain everything he felt in that moment, also everything he felt for her in that moment. That sentence contained a “thank you”, a “I’m sorry” and everything he couldn’t put into words at that moment. She put her head on his shoulder. ‘Good.’ She closed her eyes again. Surely she couldn’t drift off like that again. ‘You can relax ya know, I’m not angry anymore.’ She said whilst laughing. How does she know him so well? Bakugou, nervous as he was, relaxed his back a little, let his hands fall to his side and then relaxed his shoulders and neck. His knuckle of his pinky touched her leg softly. Uraraka let her arms fall too. They stayed quiet. This feels like an alternate universe, where he’s everything but himself. Through all the queasy feelings in his body he forced himself to say something. ‘Your room is cool.’ She stayed quiet. ‘Is that an All Might poster?’ Silence. ‘Why is your bed so soft? It’s ridiculous.’ Nothing. She’s gone. He keeps talking so that the silence wouldn’t bother him too much. ‘Why don’t you have your hair in a pony tail more often, it’s very convenient and looks nice.’ ‘Do we have a tanktop from the same brand? I think so, that’s pretty cool’ ‘You did great in Gunheads workshop, I can tell he admires you.’ ‘You’re clumsy though and that’s funny to me.’ ‘Your smile makes me want to fling myself out of window because I don’t know what to do with myself.’ ‘Your hands look like cats paws and I want to touch them real bad.’ ‘I do consider us friends.’ ‘I did have fun this week, I had fun with you.’ ‘Can someone tell me what you’re doing to me? Did you poison me?’ As he kept talking he rested his head ontop of hers, crawled closer towards her and finally let his whole body relax. When he wanted to adjust he carefully turned to her and catched her head with both hands. He strokes his tumb over her pink cheek. With the other hand he starts straightening curly strands on top of her head. ‘Tell me, did you poison me woman?’ he whispered.

‘I didn’t poison you, you just like me.’

[wreathedinscales]

(This hardcore got away from me)

Summary: For all that they love each other, it takes a kidnapping for Ray to move in with Leo.

Leo collapses onto his bed, making Ray literally bounce awake.

"Roy rescheduled my morning meetings," he mutters into the pillow.

Ray flops onto his stomach too, throwing his arm around him. "That's because he's a good secretary."

Leo heaves a full-body grunt.

"Come on, Leo. You've been working nonstop arguing taxes with the state. You need a break that lasts longer than scarfing a sandwich."

Leo sighs, turning his head. Ray traces the dark circles under his eyes.

"I'll text Marjorie, tell her I'll be there at lunchtime."

"Think you'll get away with that?"

Ray scoffs. "Are you kidding? She adores you. Plus, you're the mayor. I told you that's a good excuse."

"Ah, so you just want me for an excuse."

"Well I'm definitely not here for the puns."

They kiss, slow and sweet, pressing their forehead together afterwards.

Leo sighs again. "I suppose I can take one morning."

Ray smiles, stroking his cheek. "Go back to sleep."

Leo gives him another savoring kiss before he rolls over. Ray gropes for his phone, lost somewhere under the bed 'cause it's a dick. He texts Marjorie, citing last month when he'd taken on Don and Dawn for a whole day for her. She replies that he's lucky she likes him. She doesn't specify which him.

When Leo tugs at him, he follows.

At 10 am, Ray feels like a new man. Holy shit.

With a spring in his step, he bounds to the kitchen and gets some scrambled eggs going. His computer science degree didn't leave much room for cooking, but he can at least make breakfast without the smoke detector tattling on him.

He's about to plate them when Leo wraps around him, sleep soft, swaying them a little.

Ray laughs. "Ketchup?"

"Always," Leo says, lips pressed against Ray's throat.

Leo doesn't say much as they eat. The nap clearly only made him realize how exhausted he is, interrupting his bites with long yawns and eye rubs. Ray occasionally caresses his face with the back of his hand, eliciting a tiny smile.

"Okay," Ray says when they're done, "back to bed."

Leo offers minimal protest, letting himself get dragged. Ray gently pushes him down.

"Need anything?" Ray asks.

Leo flicks his eyes over him. He licks his lips.

Smirking, Ray crawls on top of him. Leo locks his hands behind his head and kisses him soundly.

As Ray drops to his elbows, Leo kisses up to his ear and whispers, "Fuck me?"

Ray nuzzles the crook of his shoulder. "One condition." He looks up at him. "You lie back and let me take care of you."

Leo's pupils blow wide. He quickly nods.

Ray pecks his lips and sits back on his heels, fumbling for the nightstand drawer.

"Get two," Leo murmurs, snuggling into the pillow, "Don't feel like changin' the sheets yet."

Ray chuckles. "Sure."

He fucks him slow, what Leo likes best, one of Leo's legs on his shoulder and the other around his waist. Whenever Leo tries to lift his hips, Ray holds him down with a murmured reminder to relax.

He kisses his knee and adds, "You tell me what to do."

Leo shudders. "Faster."

Thank God, 'cause Ray doesn't know how long he'd've been able to keep the slow pace.

Leo clutches the sheets, moans harmonizing with Ray's balls slapping against his skin.

"Kiss me," he hisses.

Ray bends him in half to reach his lips. Leo cries out, muffled by Ray's tongue. He claws Ray's back, leaving red marks.

"Touch me," he growls.

Ray barks a laugh. "Thought I was."

Leo scrambles for his hand, wrapping his fingers around his cock as best he can between them. Ray pushes up a little for a better grip. Leo's moans pitch higher.

"I'm gonna―"

"Mhm," Ray whispers, licking up Leo's throat, "Let go, Leo." He presses his lips to his ear. "I love you."

"Ray," Leo whines.

Ray lets him buck into him as he comes, stroking him through it, murmuring sweet nothings against his cheek.

Then, through dazed eyes, Leo breathes, "Fuck, Ray, come inside me."

A few more thrusts, and Ray's keening Leo's name.

"I love you," Leo says, voice absolutely shattered, "I love you, I love you."

He smells like sweat and sex and Leo.

The room's filled with their breathing and kisses.

Slightly hoarse and slurred, Leo drawls, "I should take more mornings off."

Marjorie gives Ray a Look when he arrives humming a light tune. Ray beams at her.

"You're especially sunny this morning," she remarks, in the midst of coloring with Katie. Or, for Katie, scribbling yellow all over everything with Marjorie trying to stop her from covering the table too.

"Yeah, well," Ray says, following Nelly Dean and Sammy's cajoling, "I got to stay in bed longer."

Marjorie rolls her eyes.

At five, Mr. Allen picks up Don and Dawn, swinging them out of their sprints as fast as the Flash herself. He thanks Marjorie and Ray kindly as ever on his way out.

Ray stretches before joining Marjorie in clean up.

"You got a party tonight?" Marjorie asks.

Ray groans. "Always."

"Mayor gonna be there?"

"No, actually. Though it's at Palmer Inc's Central hotel again, so I'll be seeing Chef Rory."

Marjorie smirks. "Say hello for me."

"He's married," Ray reminds her again, "To two men."

"What? I'm just saying hello through a friend. What were their names again?"

"Ray and Nathaniel. Ray as in not-me-Ray. Apparently he insists on Rory calling him Ray instead of Raymond."

"And you've never met either of them?"

"No. Rory and I don't see much of each other. But I've heard enough of his Ray and Nathaniel that I feel like I've met them. Ray's always busy, Nathaniel writes articles. They both like to ramble, and they call each other 'bro' every other second. Also they try to give him vegetables, and he hates vegetables, even though he cooks with them."

Marjorie hums.

Ray pauses by the cubbies. "What?"

"Nothing, just―sounds like Raymond Palmer and his husband Nathaniel."

Ray pulls a full stop.

"...wow, I'm such an idiot."

Marjorie's eyes are widening too. "Well, don't feel too bad. I only just figured it out myself."

"Yeah, but you don't work with him."

"Well, like you said, you don't work with him that often. Doesn't sound like he's given many specifics outside their habits either."

Ray scrubs his face. "I guess I'll ask him tonight, just to be sure. Be subtle about it."

"Oh, honey," Marjorie says, "you don't have a subtle bone in your body."

Ray points to her. "Excuse me, who was able to get Don and Dawn to play with those blocks today?"

"How's the mayor, Ray?"

Ray opens his mouth. Closes it and reaches for the paper towels.

Ray probably should've factored this in when he started dating the mayor.

"This" being grabbed and pistol-whipped on his way to his second job, then waking up bound in the backseat of an old car.

Shock proves to be one helluva drug when all Ray can think about is how he hopes they didn't mess with his uniform. Also he cries a little.

There's no creepy warehouse, but an apartment. They put a jacket over Ray's shoulders to block his zip-tied hands. One guy puts an arm around his shoulders and tells him between his teeth that if Ray tries to struggle or scream, they'll put a bullet in his head.

Ray thinks they're bluffing, since there's gotta be a reason they kidnapped him. Fear freezes him under his captors' arm.

A woman is waiting for them, brown skin wrinkled and slightly sun-spotted.

"Sorry for this," she says flatly, "but we gotta get the mayor's attention. Nothin' against you."

Ray's ushered to the one beaten couch. He can't stop staring at the guns in the others' twitchy hands.

"Stay there, nice and quiet," the woman says, "and you'll be fine. Understand?"

Ray nods shakily. Shock makes him think of his waiting job again. He wonders if Rory or Jax will notice his absence enough to ask. Jax is a good friend; he might. Ugh, he'll have to wait to ask about Ray and Nathaniel now.

One of the guys carries Ray's duffle bag in. He takes out Ray's phone while the woman manhandles Ray to cut his ties.

"Now you're gonna send a text," she instructs, "One to a co-worker sayin' you're sick, and one to the mayor with this address." She relays it. "Add whatever lovey-dovey shit you want. Make 'im desperate to find you."

Ray clenches his fingers, willing them to stop trembling. He takes his phone.

Jax tells him to get better. Despair tightens Ray's throat.

It's Leo's turn.

>>Ray 40th and 1st, apartment 1E. I'm cooperating so they promised not to hurt me. Don't come here half-cocked. I love you.

Relief trickles through the fear when Leo takes a few minutes to reply. He knows him. It means Leo's planning―or someone forced him to stop and plan. Lisa, probably. He'd told Ray he was going to dinner to meet her new girlfriend tonight.

Unfortunately, the interim makes the others twitchier and the woman's eyes narrower.

Finally, Ray's phone vibrates.

>>Leo I'll be there.

The guns relax. Ray breathes out.

Leo walks in calmly. His nostrils flare when he sees a gun pressed to Ray's head, but he otherwise remains composed.

"So," he deadpans, closing the door behind him, "I assume you have complaints bureaucracy wouldn't let you state."

The woman nods. "Call me Janice, Mr. Mayor. These are my sons, Jimmy, Connor, and Dan."

"Pleasure," Len says curtly, crossing his arms. "But before we start this conversation, I'd be obliged if you―"

"Took the gun outta your boyfriend's face? Go ahead, Jimmy."

Jimmy steps away. Ray swallows. He must look like a mess, but he forces a relaxed nod to Leo.

Leo scrutinizes him a second. Janice sits at the tiny table in the corner. He joins her.

Next, Leo takes out a small notepad and pen and hands it to Janice. "Tell me while you write it all down. I promise to do my utmost to meet your points."

Janice stiffens in surprise, but starts listing. She takes up two and a half pages. Ray has no sense of time, so he doesn't know how long the meeting lasts.

Leo takes the notepad, peruses it, then puts it back in his pocket. "One: I've been working nonstop haranguing the state on taxes. Two: would you and some people be willing to attend one of those meetings? Three: would you and those you represent also be amenable to my appointing a committee to serve as a direct line to me?"

The family's eyes pop out of their faces.

Leo glances at Ray. "I'm not gonna lie, Janice. I want to disarm one of your boys and knock all of you bloody for what you've done. But the fact is, I would've done the same thing. I was almost a criminal, you know, until my dad got mixed up with the Families and was gunned down. My sister and I went into the system, held onto each other. My mother Constance fought and fought until we got to go home. My brothers Mickey and Terry helped my pick-pocketing habits and we all got to graduate college. All because of one event in my life.

"I don't want this event to change your lives like mine could've been changed with my dad still in the picture. So you let my boyfriend come over to me, and I'll get my sister and her girlfriend to tell the police that you went to him without guns and asked him to contact me nice and peaceful."

Janice's eyes are shining, but her spine is straight. "I'll hold you to your word, Mr. Mayor."

Ray stands on jelly legs. Leo stands to meet him. They clutch each other's hands with white-knuckled grips.

Without looking away from Ray, Leo says, "Come to my office in two days with whoever wants to join my next meeting. I managed to haggle for next week instead of next month. Me and my secretary are pretty good at political jargon. We can help you state your case in a way that'll make them listen. Select a few honest people to propose members of the committee. I'll arrange a walk-in appointment for them."

The three brothers keep swiveling their heads between their mother and Leo like they don't know what's throwing them off more.

Janice stands as well, folding her hands in front of her. "Thank you for your time, Mr. Mayor."

Leo glares at her. The room goes cold.

"If this happens again," he snarls, "I will not be so merciful."

Janice clenches her hands nods.

Softer, Leo says, "Come on, Ray. Let's get you home."

Ray can't look at anyone but him.

A car's waiting outside. Lisa and a black woman are in it.

"Dr. Shawna Baez," the woman says. Ray gives her a shaky handshake. "Count your breaths, okay? You're out."

She helps Ray with the counting while Leo gently presses his hand to his abdomen, breathing with him. Ray chokes a few times, leaning heavily against Leo. Meanwhile, Lisa knocks twice on the barrier and the car pulls away from the building.

The moment the car fades into focus, Ray collapses against Leo.

"I almost killed them," Leo says. Suddenly Ray realizes he's shaking too. "I almost killed them, Lise."

Lisa reaches across to squeeze his arm. "But you didn't, Lenny. Right?"

She's looking at Ray.

Ray shakes his head. "Even let 'em off easy."

Leo sighs. He pulls him closer. "I'm sorry. What they did to you was terrible. I didn't―"

"Leo. Just for a second, could you. Shut up?"

Leo kisses his hair.

"Well," Shawna says, "I hope I'll have more time to butter you up on our next dinner, Leo."

Ray snorts.

There are not two, but six people in Leo's apartment when they get back.

"Ray!" Mr. Allen cries, devastated, "Are you alright? I'm so sorry this happened to you!"

"Don't worry," Detective West-Allen says, "I've got a squad car coming. And if it's alright with you, I'll stay the night."

Most surprising, though, is Chef Rory calling from the kitchen, "You good, Sunshine?"

Ray blinks. "What...?"

"Hi!" Raymond Palmer says. Ray recognizes him from television and from a distance in a few parties. "Ray Palmer. I've got guys coming too. They'll be outside the door."

"And I'm Nathaniel," the floppy-haired guy from countless tabloids says, "Sorry we kinda tagged along."

"Pleasure to have you," Leo says. He sounds like it's not a pleasure at all.

Jax rushes to Ray. "I can't stay long. I just wanted to see if you were okay. I'm sorry I didn't do anything when you texted me, man."

"It's okay," Ray says. He tries for a smile, but it feels wrong on his face. He goes for a shoulder pat instead. "I, um. I had to keep it inconspicuous."

Jax looks far from assuaged, but he nods.

"Mick," Leo calls, "you better not be burnin' anything."

"Oh, Lenny," Lisa says, "as if he'd dare."

Ray rubs his eyes. "You two...you know each other?"

Rory grunts. "Met in the system. He was a twig. You're gettin' soup, by the way."

Ray's heard enthusiastic things about Rory's soup. He decides to focus on that for now. Well, that and―"So you're really married to that Palmer and Heywood?"

Raymond and Nathaniel grin. "Yep!" Ray chirps, "We met at―"

"Ray," Nathaniel says, rubbing his Ray's arm, "Somehow I don't think he's in the mood for our backstory tonight."

Ray's still clinging to Leo's hand. "Yeah, I'll―I'll hear it some other time."

"Of course," Raymond quickly replies, "Sorry, yes."

"I'm Shawna, by the way," Shawna says, giving Raymond the chance to change topics.

"Come on," Leo murmurs.

The bedroom door closes on Rory's, "So you're the new girlfriend."

Ray's legs can't hold him anymore.

"I'm sorry," Leo whispers from the edge of the bed.

Ray, now with comfy sweats and a tray of heavenly soup, shrugs. "Not gonna lie, I'm a little upset that you brushed it off so easy―"

"I didn't want to," Leo snaps. "As soon as I walked in there, I had a plan to break one of their wrists and take their gun. I know how to shoot someone, Ray. I know where to aim. How to make them scream."

Ray sits in silence.

Leo looks at the wall. "My dad liked to teach me lessons. Well―he called 'em lessons. When he was assigned a target that wasn't money or jewels, he'd show me things. I never shot anyone―" Ray blows out a sigh, "―but it's all still there. Eidetic memory, you know."

"Yeah," Ray croaks, "I know."

Leo closes his eyes. "He would've tried teaching Lisa, too." Quieter, he adds, "My baby sister."

He turns back to Ray. "So no, I didn't wanna let 'em off easy. I didn't mean to minimize what happened to you." He leans forward. "But I wasn't lying. If someone takes you again, I won't fucking hesitate."

Ray sees real, cold murder. The hardened criminal Leo could've been if his father had taken one more measure to protect himself.

He kisses Leo until the look is gone. Though something in him, something he never thought was there, had relished in it.

The next morning, Ray calls Marjorie. She curses and yells at Ray's kidnappers and commands him to take the week. She's pretty awesome.

"You've been early since we started dating," Leo says, "I'm sure your dedication helped."

Ray hums, unwilling to leave the bed. "Well, commute's easier."

"...you could make that permanent, you know."

Nevermind, Ray's up.

"Come again?"

Leo's eyes wander around him the way they do when he's nervous. "I gotta spare key. You spend so much time here already, and you keep telling me how much you hate your apartment."

Ray really does hate his apartment. His landlord is a jackass and everything breaks at least twice a day. Ray's pretty sure he could make a living as a repairman now.

"Plus, you could do a better job search. I know you like the daycare, but. You could put those computer skills to work, and Central's got plenty of opportunities. Would help if you lived here. And after...after last night, I realized―"

"Leo."

Leo finally looks at him.

Ray smiles, head tilting. "That's a great sales pitch, but if I'm gonna move in, it's because I want to live with you."

Leo smiles back.

In between kisses, Ray says, "I don't think I'll be able to offer much for rent, though."

"Well," Len says, "consider the offer revoked."

They laugh.

Then Ray sits on the bed. "...shit. I was kidnapped."

Leo's expression hardens. "It won't happen again."

"You don't know that, Leo. And I know what you're thinking. You're not gonna assign me a guard, either."

Leo glowers.

Ray sighs, gripping the edge of the mattress. "I don't want you to shoot anybody. If you killed because of me, I don't know if I could bear it."

Leo cups his face. "I can do a mean pistol-whip too. But Ray―if you're so sure about this, then next time it might not be a handful of citizens just wanting their voice to be heard."

Ray hugs his waist, burying his face in Leo's stomach. "I know."

"...if you don't want to―"

Ray snaps his head up. "I'm not leaving you because somebody stole me off the streets." Leo's shoulders relax. "I'm just. I'm scared, that's all."

Leo kisses him. "I wish you didn't have to be."

"Comes with the territory, I guess. Really, I should've seen it coming. You don't date the mayor without putting a target on your back."

Leo closes his eyes. He looks as haunted as before, when he'd talked about his dad.

Ray takes a deep breath. Fiddles with the hem of Leo's shirt. "But."

Leo opens his eyes.

Ray looks up at him. "But I can deal with that. You're worth it."

Leo's face crumples. Their next kiss tastes like salt.

"I'm gonna sign up for self-defense classes," Ray tells him.

Leo kisses him again. "That'd been my next question."

[d0p3yposts-blog]

Missing Motivation

Every day I have to force myself to get out of bed, lifting the blanket feels like i’m trying to lift an elephant as i struggle to motivate myself for the day ahead.

In that time, before i find the strength to lift the lead lined mental blanket, a million thoughts role through my head, each of them registering, but only a handful standing out.

‘What a waste of time’

‘Whats the point’

‘Who even cares’

I know from the years and years i have struggled with depression and anxiety that these thoughts are completely normal in some capacity, if you make a mistake, you can’t be blamed for thinking ‘whats the point of even doing this’ or ‘who even cares if i’ve got it a little bit wrong’.  Any person can have a negative thought about themselves, but where some people can just brush it off and remind themselves it isn’t true, me and millions of others can’t do that.

The way I see the morning routines, they set you up for your day, no matter what you’re doing that day.  That moment in mental warp speed seeing all those thoughts going past, you have to grab some of them before you drop out of warp speed.  The only problem is, when most of your thoughts are negative, how do you find the positive ones?

I can’t answer that question.....Yet!

I always fight past and push through my mental blockade and every day i find that strength to get out of bed and start my day.  This is when everything then becomes a challenge.

I have to say good morning to family. put on a smile, make a conversation.  All i want to do is go back to my bed, because i know there i am safe, there i am not expected to speak to anyone or do anything.  It’s the one place in the world I can go and escape, use the excuse i’m tired or not feeling very well.

No, I can’t keep lying in this mental prison, thats what it wants.

So I find myself in my living room, going back over that vicious cycle yet again.  If the bedroom was the mental prison, the living room was the equivilent of going to the yard for your manditory ‘outside’ time.

I have literally millions of posibilities of things to do, but I fall into the same routine, put the same comforting tv show on and sit there, listening to my own thoughts that have chased me from the bedroom and are sitting next too me in the adjacent chair, taunting me, distracting my attention.

Every now and then, I have a tiny burst of motivation, sometimes enough to start watching a new and different TV show, or pick up the xbox controller and play a game.

These few minutes, between this little glimmer of motivational hope and actually following through with my idea, are vital.  It seems stupid, most people just think ‘yeah im going to watch something new’ and just watch it, whats the issue?

In those moments, between deciding I want to do something, and actually achieving that goal, there is some sort of breakdown in communication in my head. 

The way i see it is comparing 2 100M sprinters on the track next to each other, the normal mentally healthy runner has a nice easy straight line flat run to the finish.  Runner 2 however, has been tied with a bungee rope to the start, and to make matters worse, he has to run uphill.

So, in those seconds, my head is constantly bouncing back and forth with the same idea, over and over, until finally i either become mentally exhausted or find a way to power through and break the bungee thats stopping me from getting there.

Thats not where the race ends though, I’ve now got to run uphill.

I get to this point alot, when I can see some sense in the thought of getting up and doing something, breaking the cycle, but i very rarely reach the finish.

My short 100M dash has turned into the London Marathon, the dream of reaching the finish and achieving even the simplest of goals, is falling further and further away.

Can I find the strength, can I keep going?

Every so often, there is something, I don’t know what, kind of like a super power, that takes over and carries me to the end, without me even having to do my mental marathon that lets me just pick something and go with it.  It’s these little moments that both feel like success and failure.

Yes, i have achieved something, yes it was just putting the bread in the toaster, but its a start.

Then the thoughts start catching you back up, looking like dementors from Harry Potter, chasing you with the bungee shackles you’ve managed to escape from, wanting to tie you back to your little solitary padded cell in the middle of your mind.

Sometimes, I win.  But usually, they do.

This rambling has gone on for so long you might have forgotten the original point, i did.  Every day i go through this vicious routine. just getting out bed is a struggle, but then trying to keep myself grounded and ‘busy’ is a different battle every day.  Little things help, hearing from a friend, someone making a suggestion to do something different or interesting.

I guess the worst and hardest part about the whole thing is knowing the difference, between whats normal and what is because of my mental state.  Its frustrating to feel like the simplest decisions weigh on me as if each of them is making that tough call to turn off a life support machine of a loved one. I don’t want that, nobody does.