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[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

1968 [Chapter 6: Athena, Goddess Of Wisdom]

Series Summary: Aemond is embroiled in a fierce battle to secure the Democratic Party nomination and defeat his archnemesis, Richard Nixon, in the presidential election. You are his wife of two years and wholeheartedly indoctrinated into the Targaryen political dynasty. But you have an archnemesis of your own: Aemond’s chronically delinquent brother Aegon.

Series Warnings: Language, sexual content (18+ readers only), violence, bodily injury, character deaths, New Jersey, age-gap relationships, drinking, smoking, drugs, pregnancy and childbirth, kids with weird Greek names, historical topics including war and discrimination, math.

Word Count: 5.2k

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged! 🥰

💜 All of my writing can be found HERE! 💜

Here at the midway point in our journey—like Dante stumbling upon the gates of the Inferno—would it be the right moment to review what’s at stake? Let’s begin.

It’s the end of August. The delegates of the Democratic National Convention in Chicago officially vote to name Aemond the party’s presidential candidate. His ascension is aided by 10,000 antiwar demonstrators who flood into the city and threaten to set it ablaze if Hubert Humphrey is chosen instead. At the end—in his death rattle—Humphrey begs to be Aemond’s running mate, one last humiliation he cannot resist. Humphrey is denied. Eugene McCarthy, dignity intact, boards a commercial flight to his home state of Minnesota without looking back.

Aemond selects U.S. Ambassador to France, Sargent Shriver, to be his vice president. Shriver is a Kennedy by marriage—his wife, JFK’s younger sister Eunice, just founded the Special Olympics—and has previously headed the Office of Economic Opportunity, the Peace Corps, and the Chicago Board of Education. He also served as the architect of the president’s “War on Poverty” before distancing himself from the imploding Johnson administration. Shriver is not a concession to fence-sitting moderates or Southern Dixiecrats, but an embodiment of Aemond’s commitment to unapologetic progressivism. Richard Nixon spends the weekend campaigning in his native California, a gold vein of votes like the mines settlers rushed to in 1848. George Wallace announces that he will run as an Independent. Racists everywhere rejoice.

Phase III of the Tet Offensive is underway in Vietnam; 700 American soldiers have been killed this month alone. Riots break out in military prisons where the U.S. Army is keeping their deserters. The North Vietnamese refuse to allow Pope Paul VI to visit Hanoi on a peace mission. President Johnson calls both Aemond and Nixon to personally inform them of this latest evidence of the communists’ unwillingness to negotiate in good faith. Daeron and John McCain remain in Hỏa Lò Prison. The draft swallows men like the titan Cronus devoured his own children.

In Eastern Europe, the Russians are crushing pro-democracy protests in the largest military operation since World War II as half a million troops roll into Czechoslovakia. In Caswell County, North Carolina, the last remaining segregated school district in the nation is ordered by a federal judge to integrate after years of stalling. On the Fangataufa Atoll in the South Pacific, France becomes the fifth nation to successfully explode a hydrogen bomb. In Mexico City, 300,000 students gather to protest the authoritarian regime of President Diaz Ordaz. In Guatemala, American ambassador John Gordon Mein is murdered by a Marxist guerilla organization called the Rebel Armed Forces. In Columbus, Ohio, nine guards are held hostage during a prison riot; after 30 hours, they’re rescued by a SWAT team.

The latest issue of Life magazine brings worldwide attention to catastrophic industrial pollution in the Great Lakes. The first successful multiorgan transplant is carried out at Houston Methodist Hospital. The Beatles release Hey Jude, the best-selling single of 1968 in the U.S., U.K., Australia, and Canada. NASA’s Apollo lunar landing program plans to launch a crewed shuttle next year, just in time to fulfill John F. Kennedy’s 1962 promise to put a man on the moon “before the end of the decade.” If this is successful, the United States will win the Space Race and prove the superiority of capitalism. If it fails, the martyred astronauts will join all the other ghosts of this apocalyptic age, an epoch born under bad stars.

The night sky glows with the ancient debris of the Aurigid meteor shower. From down here on Earth, Jupiter is a radiant white gleam, visible with the naked eye and admired since humans were making cave paintings and Stonehenge. But Io is a mystery. With a telescope, she becomes a dust mote entrapped by Jupiter’s gravity; to the casual observer, she doesn’t exist at all.

~~~~~~~~~~

What was it like, that very first time? It’s strange to remember. You’re both different people now.

It’s May, 1966. You and Aemond are engaged, due to be married in three short weeks, and if you get pregnant then it’s no harm, no foul. In reality, it will end up taking you over a year to conceive, but no one knows that yet; you are living in the liminal space between what you imagine your life will be and the cold blade of the truth. Aemond has brought you to Asteria for the weekend, an increasingly common occurrence. The Targaryens—minus one, that holdout prodigal son, always glowering from behind swigs of rum and clouds of smoke—have already begun to treat you like a member of the family. The flock of Alopekis yap excitedly and lick your shins. Eudoxia learns your favorite snacks so she can have them ready when you arrive.

One night Aemond takes your hand and leads you to Helaena’s garden, darkness turned to twilight in the artificial luminance of the main house. You can hear distant voices, chatter and laughter, and the Beatles’ Rubber Soul spinning on the record player in the living room like a black hole, gravity that not even light can escape when it is wrenched over the event horizon.

You’re giggling as Aemond pulls you along, faster and faster, weaving through pathways lined with roses and sunflowers and butterfly bushes. Your high heels sink into soft, fertile earth; the air in your lungs is cool and infinite. “Where are we going?”

And Aemond grins back at you as he replies: “To Olympus.”

In the circle of hedges guarded by thirteen gods of stone, Aemond unzips your modest pink sundress and slips your heels off your feet, kneeling like he’s proposing to you again. When you are bare and secretless, he draws you down onto the grass and opens you, claims you, fills you to the brim as the crystalline water of the fountain patters and Zeus hurls his lightning bolts, an eternal storm, unending war. It’s intense in a way it never was with your first boyfriend, a sweet polite boy who talked about feminist theory and followed his enlightened conscience all the way to Vietnam. This isn’t just a pleasant way to pass a Friday night, something to look forward to between differential equations textbooks and calculus proofs. With Aemond it’s a ritual; it’s something so overpowering it almost scares you.

“Aphrodite,” Aemond murmurs against your throat, and when you try to get on top he stops you, pins you to the ground, thrusts hard and deep, and you try not to moan too loudly as you surrender, his weight on you like a prophesy. This is how he wants you. This is where you belong.

Has someone ever stitched you to their side, pushing the needle through your skin again and again as the fabric latticework takes shape, until their blood spills into your veins and your antibodies can no longer tell the difference? He makes you think you’ve forgotten who you were before. He makes you want to believe in things the world taught you were myths.

But that was over two years ago. Now Aemond is not your spellbinding almost-stranger of a fiancé—shrouded in just the right amount of mystery—but your husband, the father of your dead child, the presidential candidate. You miss when he was a mirage. You miss what it felt like to get high on the idea of him, each taste a hit, each touch a rush of toxins to the bloodstream.

Seven weeks after your emergency c-section, you are healing. Your belly no longer aches, your bleeding stops, you can rejoin the living in this last gasp of summer. Ludwika takes you shopping and you pick out new swimsuits; you’ve gone up a size since the baby, and it shows no signs of vanishing. In the fitting room, Ludwika chain-smokes Camel cigarettes and claps when you show her each outfit, ordering you to spin around, telling you that there’s nothing like Oleg Cassini back in Poland. You plan to buy three swimsuits. Ludwika insists you get five. She pays with Otto’s American Express.

That afternoon at home in your blue bedroom, you get changed to join the rest of the family down by the pool, your first swim since Ari was born. You choose Ludwika’s favorite: a dreamy turquoise two-piece with flowing transparent fabric that drapes your midsection. You can still see the dark vertical line of where the doctors stitched you closed. Now you and Aemond match; he got his scar on the floor of the Breakers Hotel in Palm Beach, you earned yours at Mount Sinai Hospital in Manhattan. There are gold chains on your wrist and looped around your neck. Warm sunlight and ocean wind pours in through the open windows.

Aemond appears in the doorway and you turn to show him, proud of how you’ve pulled yourself together, how this past year hasn’t put you in an asylum. His right eye catches on your scar and stays there for a long time. Then at last he says: “You don’t have something else to wear?”

~~~~~~~~~~

It’s Labor Day, and Asteria has been descended upon by guests invited to celebrate Aemond’s nomination. The dining room table is overflowing with champagne, Agiorgitiko wine, platters of mini spanakopitas, lamb gyros, pita bread with hummus and tzatziki, feta cheese and cured meats, grilled octopus, baklava, and kourabiethes. Eudoxia is rushing around sweeping up crumbs and shooing tipsy visitors away from antique vases shipped here from Greece. Aemond’s celebrity endorsers include Sammy Davis Jr., Sonny and Cher, Andy Williams, Bobby Darin, Warren Beatty, Shirley MacLaine, Claudine Longet, and a number of politicians; but the most notable attendee is President Lyndon Baines Johnson, shadowed by Secret Service agents. He won’t be making any surprise appearances on the campaign trail for Aemond—in the present political climate, he would be more of a liability than an asset—but he has travelled to Long Beach Island tonight to offer his well-wishes. From the record player thrums Jimi Hendrix’s All Along The Watchtower.

When you finish getting ready and arrive downstairs, you spot Aegon: slouching in a velvet chair over a century old, hair shagging in his eyes, sipping something out of a chipped mug he clasps with both hands, flirting with a bubbly early-twenties campaign staffer. Aegon smiles and waves when he sees you. You wave back. And you think: When did he become the person I look for when I walk into a room?

Now Aemond is beside you in a blue suit—beaming, confident, his glass eye in place, a hand resting on your waist—and Aegon isn’t smiling anymore. He takes a gulp of what is almost certainly straight rum from his mug and returns his attention to the campaign staffer, his lady of the hour. You picture him undressing her on his shag carpet and feel disorienting, violent envy like a bullet.

Viserys is already fast asleep upstairs, but the rest of the family is out en masse to charm the invitees and pose for photographs. Alicent, Helaena, and Mimi—trying very hard to act sober, blinking too often—are chit-chatting with the other political wives. Otto is complaining about something to Criston; Criston is pretending to listen as he stares at Alicent. Ludwika is smoking her Camels and talking to several young journalists who are ogling her, enraptured. Fosco and Sargent Shriver are entertaining a group of guests with a boisterous, lighthearted debate on the merits of Italian versus French cuisine, though they agree that both are superior to Greek. The nannies have brought the eight children to be paraded around before bedtime. All Cosmo wants to do is clutch your hand and “help” you navigate around the living room, warning you not to step on the small, weaving Alopekis. When Mimi attempts to steal her youngest son away, he ignores her, and as she begins to make a scene you rebuke her with a harsh glare. Mimi retreats meekly. She has never argued with you, not once in over two years. You speak for Aemond, and Aemond is a god.

As the children are herded off to their beds by the nannies, Bobby Kennedy—presently serving as a New York senator despite residing primarily on his family’s compound in Massachusetts—approaches to congratulate Aemond. His wife Ethel is a tiny, nasally, scrappy but not terribly bright woman, five months pregnant with her eleventh child, and you have to get away from her like a hand pulled from a hot stove.

“You know, I was considering running,” Bobby says to Aemond, chuckling, good-natured. “But when I saw you get in the race, I thought better of it! Maybe I’ll give it a go in ’76, huh?”

“Hey, kid, what a tough year you’ve had,” Ethel tells you, patting your forearm. You can’t tear your eyes from her small belly. She has ten living children already. I couldn’t keep one. What kind of sense does that make? “We’re real sorry for your trouble, aren’t we, Bobby?”

Now he is nodding somberly. “We are. We sure are. We’ve been praying for you both.”

Aemond is thanking them, sounding touched but entirely collected. You manage some hurried response and then excuse yourself. Your hands are shaking as you cross the room, not really seeing it. You walk right into Lady Bird Johnson. She takes pity on you; she seems to perceive how rattled you are. “Oh Lyndon, look, it’s just who we were hoping to speak to! The next first lady of the United States. And how beautiful you are, just radiant. How do you keep your hair so perfect? That glamorous updo. You never have a single strand out of place.” Lady Bird lays a palm tenderly on your bare shoulder. She has an unusual, angular face, but a wise sort of compassion that only comes from suffering. Her husband is an unrepentant serial cheater. “I’ll make you a list of everything you need to know about the White House. All the quirks of the property, and the hidden gems too!”

“You’re so kind. We’ll see what happens in November…”

“Good evening, ma’am,” President Johnson says, smiling warmly. He’s an ugly man, but there’s something hypnotic that lives inside him and shines through his eyes like the blaze of a lighthouse. He pulls you in through the dark, through the storm; he promises you answers to questions you haven’t thought of yet. LBJ is 6’4 and known for bullying his political adversaries with the so-called “Johnson Treatment”; he leans in and makes rapid-fire demands until they forget he’s not allowed to hit them. “I have to tell you frankly, I don’t envy anyone who inherits that den of rattlesnakes in Washington D.C.”

“Lyndon, don’t frighten her,” Lady Bird scolds fondly.

“Everyone thinks they know what to do about Vietnam,” LBJ plods onwards. “But it’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t clusterfuck. If you keep fighting, they call you a murderer. But if you pull the troops out and South Vietnam falls to the communists, every single man lost was for nothing, and you think the families will stand for that? Their kid in a body bag, or his legs blown off, or his brain scrambled? There’s no easy answer. It’s a goddamn bitch of a quagmire.”

Lady Bird offers you a sympathetic smirk. Sorry about all this unpleasantness, she means. When he gets himself worked up, I can’t stop him. But you find yourself feeling sorry for President Johnson. It will be difficult for him to learn how to fade into disgraced obscurity after once being so omnipotent, so beloved. Reinvention hurts like hell: fevers raging, bones mending, healing flesh that itches so ferociously you want to claw it off.

LBJ gives Lady Bird a look, quick but meaningful. She acquiesces. This has happened a thousand times before. “It was so nice talking to you, dear,” she tells you, then crosses the living room to pay her respects to Alicent.

The president steps closer, looming, towering. The Johnson Treatment?? you think, but no; he isn’t trying to intimidate you. He’s just curious.

“Do you know what Aemond’s plan is for ‘Nam?” LBJ asks, eyes urgent, voice low. “I’m sure he has one. He’s sworn to end the draft as soon as he gets into office, but how is he going to make sure the South Vietnamese can fend off the North themselves? We’re trying to train the bastards, but if we left they’d fold in months. It would be the first war the U.S. ever lost. Does he understand that?”

“He doesn’t really discuss it with me.” That’s true; you know his policies, but only because they are a constant subject of conversation within the family, something you all breathe like oxygen.

“We can’t let Nixon win,” LBJ continues. “It’s mass suicide to leave the country in his hands. The man can’t hold his liquor anymore, getting robbed by Kennedy in ’60 broke something in him. He gets sloshed and shoves his aids around, makes up conspiracies in his head. He’s a paranoid little prick. He’ll surveille the American people. He’ll launch a nuke at Moscow.”

You honestly don’t know what he expects you to say. “I’ll pass the message along to Aemond.”

“People love you, Mrs. Targaryen.” LBJ watching you closely. “Believe it or not, they used to love me too. But I still remember how to play the game. You’re the only reason Aemond is leading the polls in Florida. You can get him other states too. Jack needed Jackie. Aemond needs you. And you’ve had tragedies, and that’s a damn shame. But don’t you miss an opportunity. You take every disappointment, every fucked up cruelty of life and find a way to make it work for you. You pin it to your chest like a goddamn medal. Every single scar makes you look more mortal to those people going to the ballot box in November. You want them to be able to see themselves in you. It helps the mansions and the millions go down smoother.”

“President Johnson!” Aegon says as he saunters over, huge mocking grin. He thumps a closed fist against the Texan’s broad chest; the Secret Service agents standing ten feet away observe this sternly. “How thoughtful of you to be here, taking time out of your busy schedule, squeezing us in between war crimes.”

“The mayor of Trenton,” LBJ jabs.

“The butcher of Saigon.”

Now the president is no longer amused. “You’ve never accomplished anything in your whole damn life, son. Your obituary will be the size of a postage stamp. I’m looking forward to reading it someday soon.” He leaves, rejoining Lady Bird at the opposite end of the room.

You frown at Aegon, disapproving. You’re dressed in a sparkling, royal blue gown that Aemond chose. “That was unnecessary.”

Aegon is wearing an ill-fitting green shirt—half the buttons undone—khaki pants, and tan moccasins. “I just did you a favor.”

“What happened to your new girlfriend? Shouldn’t she be getting railed in your basement right now? Did she have a prior commitment? Did she have a spelling test to study for? Those can be tricky, such complex words. Juvenile. Inappropriate. Infidelity.”

“You know what he brags about?” Aegon says, meaning LBJ. “That he’s fucked more women by accident than John F. Kennedy ever did on purpose.”

“That sounds…logistically challenging.”

“He’s a lech. He’s a freak. He tells everyone on Capitol Hill how big his cock is. He takes it out and swings it around during meetings.”

“And that’s all far less than admirable, but he’s not going to do something like that around me.”

“How do you know?”

“Because he’s not an idiot,” you say impatiently. “He was perfectly civil. And I was getting interesting advice.”

Aegon rolls his eyes, exasperated. “Yeah, okay, I’m sorry I crashed your cute little pep talk with Lyndon Johnson, the most hated man on the planet.”

“I guess you can’t stop Aemond from touching me, so you have to terrorize LBJ instead.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Aegon hisses, and his venom stuns you. And now you’re both trapped: you loosed the arrow, he proved you hit the mark. He’s flushing a deep, mortified red. Your guts are twisting with remorse.

“Aegon, wait, I didn’t mean—”

He whirls and storms off, shoving his way through the crowd. People glare at him as they clutch their glasses and plates, sighing in that What else do you expect from the worthless son? sort of way. You’re still gaping blankly at the place where Aegon stood when Aemond finds you, snakes a hand around the back of your neck, and whispers through the painstakingly-arranged wisps of hair that fall around your ear: “Follow me.”

It’s not a question. It’s a command. You trail him through the living room, into the foyer, and through the front door, not knowing what he wants. Outside the moon is a sliver; the light from the main house makes the stars hard to see. “Aemond, you’ll never believe the conversation I just had with LBJ. He really unloaded, I think the stress is driving him insane. I have to tell you what he said about—”

“Later.” And this is jarring; Aemond doesn’t put anything before strategy. He grabs your hand as he turns into Helaena’s garden, and only then do you understand what he wants. Instinctively, your legs lock up and your feet stop moving. Aemond tugs you onward. He wants it to be like the very first time. He intends to start over with you, the dawning of a new age in the dead of night.

Hidden in the circle of hedges, he takes your face roughly in his hands and kisses you, drinks you down like a vampire, consumes you like wildfire. But your skull echoes with panic. I don’t want him touching me. I don’t want another child with him. “Aemond…”

He doesn’t hear you, or acts like he doesn’t, or mistakes it for a murmur of desire, or chooses to believe it is. He has you down on the grass under the vengeful gaze of Zeus, the fountain splashing, the sounds of the house a low foreign drone. He yanks off your panties, but he doesn’t want you naked like he always did before. He pushes the hem of your shimmering cobalt gown up to your hips and unbuckles his trousers. And you realize as he’s touching you, as he’s easing himself into you: He doesn’t want to have to look at my scar.

You can’t ignore him, you can’t pretend it’s not happening. He’s too big for that. It’s a biting fullness that demands to be felt. So you kiss him back, and knot your fingers in his short hair like you used to, and try to remember the things you always said to him before. And when Aemond is too absorbed to notice, you look away from him, from the statue of Zeus, and peer up into the stone face of Athena instead: the goddess who never married and who knows the answer to every question.

“I love you,” Aemond says when it’s over, marveling at the slopes of your face in the dim ethereal light. “Everything will be right again soon. Everything will be perfect.”

You conjure up a smile and nod like you believe him.

“What did LBJ say?”

“Can I tell you later tonight? After the party, maybe? I just need a few minutes.”

“Of course.” And now Aemond pretends to be patient. He buckles his belt and returns to the main house, his blood coursing with the possibilities only you can make real, his skin damp with your sweat.

For a while—ten minutes, twenty minutes—you lie there on the cool grass wondering what it was like for all those mortals and nymphs, being pinned down by Zeus and then having Hera try to kill them afterwards, raising ill-fated reviled bastards they couldn’t help but love. What is heaven if the realm of the immortals is so cruel? Why does the god of justice seem so immune to it?

When at last you rise and walk back towards the house, you find Mimi at the edge of the garden. She’s on her knees and retching into a rose bush; she’s cut her face on the thorns, but she hasn’t noticed yet. She’s groaning; she seems lost.

You reach for her, gripping her bony shoulders. “Mimi, here, let’s get you upstairs…”

“No,” she blubbers, tears streaming down her scratched cheeks. “Just go away. Leave me.”

“Mimi—”

“No!” she roars, a mournful hemorrhage as she slaps your hands until you release her.

“You don’t have to be this way,” you tell her, distraught. “You can give up drinking. We’ll help you, me and Fosco and Ludwika. You can start over. You can be healthy and present again, you can live a real life.”

Mimi stares up at you, her grey eyes glassy and bloodshot but with a vicious, piercing honesty. “My husband hates me. My kids don’t know I exist. What the hell do I have to be sober for?”

You weren’t expecting this. You don’t know what to say. “We can help make the world better.”

“The world would be better without me in it.”

Then Mimi curls up on the grass under the rose bush, and stays there until you return with Fosco to drag her upstairs to her empty bed.

~~~~~~~~~~

The next afternoon, you’re lying on a lounge chair by the pool. Tomorrow the family will leave Asteria and embark upon a vigorous campaign schedule that will continue, with very few breaks, until Election Day on Tuesday, November 5th. The children are splashing and shrieking in the pool with Fosco, but you aren’t looking at them. You’re staring across the sun-drenched emerald lawn at the Atlantic Ocean. You’re envisioning all the bones and splinters of sunken ships that must litter the silt of the abyss; you’re thinking that it’s a graveyard with no headstones, no memory. Your swimsuit is a red one-piece. Your eyes are shielded by large black Ray Bans aviator sunglasses. Your gaze flicks up to the cloudless blue sky, where all the stars and planets are invisible.

Jupiter has nearly a hundred moons; the largest four were discovered by Galileo in 1610. Europa is a smooth white cosmic marble with a crust of ice, beautiful, immaculate. Ganymede, the largest moon in our solar system and the only satellite with its own magnetic field, is rumored to have a vast underground saltwater ocean that may contain life. Callisto is dark and indomitable, riddled with impact craters; because of her dynamic atmosphere and location beyond Jupiter’s radiation belts, she is considered the best location for possible future crewed missions to the Jovian system. But Io is a wasteland. She has no water and no oxygen. Her only children are 400 active volcanoes, sulfur plumes and lava flows, mountains of silicate rock higher than Mount Everest, cataclysmic earthquakes as her crust slips around on a mantle of magma. Her daily radiation levels are 36 times the lethal limit for humans. If Hades had a home in our corner of the galaxy, it would be Io. She glows ruby and gold with barren apocalyptic fury. You can feel yourself turning poisonous like she is. You can feel your skin splitting open as the lava spills out.

Aegon trots out of the house—red swim trunks, cheap red plastic sunglasses, no shirt, a beach towel slung around his neck, flip flops—and kicks your chair. “Get up. We’re going sailing.”

“I don’t want to talk to anybody.”

“Great, because I’m not asking you to talk. I’m telling you to get in my boat.”

You don’t reply. You don’t think you can without your voice cracking. Aegon crouches down beside your chair and pushes your sunglasses up into your Brigitte Bardot-inspired hair so he can see your face. Your eyes are pink, wet, desperately sad. Deep troubled grooves appear in his forehead as he studies you. Gently, wordlessly, he pats your cheek twice and lowers your sunglasses back over your eyes. Then he stands up again and offers you his hand.

“Let’s go,” Aegon says, softly this time. You take his hand and follow him down to the boathouse.

Five vessels are currently kept there. Aegon’s sailboat is a 25-foot Wianno Senior sloop, just roomy enough for a few passengers. He’s had it since long before you married into the Targaryen family. It is white with hand-painted gold accents; the name Sunfyre adorns the stern. He unmoors the boat, pushes it out into the open water, and raises the sails.

You glide eastbound over the glittering crests of waves, slowly at first, then faster as the sails catch the wind. Aegon has one hand on the rudder, the other grasping the ropes. And the farther you get from shore, the smaller Asteria seems, and the Targaryen family, and the presidential election, and the United States itself. Now all that exists is this boat: you, Aegon, the squawking gulls, the school of mackerel, the ocean. The sun beats down; the breeze rips strands of your hair free. The battery-powered record player is blasting White Room by Cream. When you are far enough from land that no journalists would be able to get a photo, Aegon takes two joints and his Zippo out of the pocket of his swim trunks. He puts both joints between his lips, lights them, and passes you one. Then he stretches out beside you on the deck, gazing up at the September sky.

You ask as your muscles unravel and your thoughts turn light and easy to share: “Why did you bring me out here?”

“So you can drown yourself,” Aegon says, and you both laugh. “Nah. I used to go sailing all the time when I was a teenager. It always made me feel better. It was the only place where I could really be alone.”

You consider the math. “Wow. You haven’t been a teenager since before I was in kindergarten.”

“It’s weird to think about. You don’t seem that young.”

“Thanks, I guess. You don’t seem that old.”

“Maybe we’re meeting in the middle.” He inhales deeply and then exhales in a rush of smoke. “What do you think, should I get an earring?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“It might shock Otto so bad it kills him.”

“I’ll get two.” And then Aegon says: “It’s not cool for you to mock me.”

You are dismayed; you didn’t mean to hurt him. “I wasn’t.”

“Yes, you were. You were mocking me. You mocked me about the receipt under my ashtray, and then you mocked me again last night. I’m up for a lot of things, but I can’t handle that. Okay?”

“Okay.” You turn your head so you can see him: shaggy blonde hair, stubble, perpetual sunburn, the softness of his belly and his chest, flesh you long to vanish into like rain through parched earth. “Aegon?”

He looks over at you. “Io?”

“I don’t want Aemond to touch me either.”

He’s surprised; not by what you feel, but because you’ve said it aloud, a treason like Prometheus giving mankind the gift of fire. “What are we gonna do about it?”

If you were the goddess of wisdom, maybe you’d know.

[sdv-confessions]

Hey there, I came to know of your blog (ironically) through one of those witch-hunting posts against you. I don't understand, why people are so mad about your questioning of what's wrong with c.ai...? (Apologies in advance, looooooong ask incoming...)

From what I've seen, c.ai's model creation and training is all done in-house, which means it's not running on any external model like ChatGPT or Claude.

Our team, responsible for pioneering large portions of the large language model field, set out to bring this technology directly to you. We are proud to be a full-stack AI company, meaning we do everything from training our own language models from scratch to building the user interface. This gives us the power to create personalized experiences that no other AI can match. In fact, this tight feedback loop with our passionate users has already proven itself as we’ve tuned both our model and UX to achieve the amazing daily usage times cited above. Source: https://blog.character.ai/character-ai/

1/?

thank you very much for your asks, anon. this is the kind of response i was hoping for originally. i appreciate that you provided specific sources for your specific points. i haven't been able to find more details on c.ai's training and database either, so i dont have much to add. rest of the message is below the cut:

However, there doesn't seem to be much information on what exactly is being used to train c.ai - some people on R*ddit have chimed in but it's not 100% or backed up by any evidence.

See: C.AI trained on users. : r/CharacterAI And: What was the AI trained on? : r/CharacterAI

We can assume that c.ai is trained on popular stories, chats online, etc. including fanfiction, but the bulk of its training likely from user chats and data provided by users themselves. Ultimately though, regular laymans like us can't really be 100% sure what's going on within the company.

On its own, internet use takes up enough water and electricity, but this problem was slowly being mitigated with moves towards clean energy, especially in certain parts of the world. The introduction of cryptocurrency and now AI has completely upset the precarious balance we worked so hard and so long for. Not to bring in a completely different topic, but the Earth is on track to become completely unliveable (Earth is becoming ‘increasingly uninhabitable,’ scientists warn | The Independent) and the capitalist obsession with amassing wealth and uninhibited growth is definitely accelerating it. You can click on the links in the article and it'll take you to the reports that they took all the info from.

Anyway, back on topic: Regardless of what they personally believe, for people to tell their friends, fans, and communities to block and send hate to a single person for questioning the narrative on both sides is ins*ne. Imagine calling someone names and personally insulting them because they dared to ask for clear clarification. Blindly following the anti-AI trend is just as bad as blindly following the pro-AI trend.

I hope you're taking care of yourself mentally and emotionally. Please know that even if certain people on this site think being "morally right" gives them the right to be assholes, there are other people out there who still have common sense. And, idk, a country that's not exploding from the top down.

(Also, I totally agree with your stance on copyright. I grew up on bootlegs of American, Japanese, etc. media, and I'm seeing bootlegs of my childhood shows appearing these days. Fanfiction used to be literally illegal because of copyright. Great art is not made by pure originality - look at so many famous artists, they were originally trained by copying famous art themselves. Tolkien himself borrowed from many different sources to create LOTR. Entire genres and popular series are made from copying older works. If you don't want copycats, the only solution is not to put your work out there.)

[circular-bircular]

Clearing The Air About Sophie

I mean, since she posted something, and since I still get regular asks about her, and since we’ve had a whole grudge and personal feud thing going on for (months? years? time is an illusion to those of us with trauma based amnesia), I do kind of want to respond. Going to put it under a cut for all those uninterested in Sophiecourse.

Side note: This isn’t for Sophie. Like she says on her post, this isn’t an olive branch. It’s just… Getting thoughts and feelings out.

TL;DR: I actually agree with what she said about my personality flaws, I know them and work on them in therapy! I don’t hate Sophie, and I don’t really hate anyone else for that matter. I believe everyone needs chances to grow and change – transphobic, fakeclaiming assholes too. I’m tired of people punching at the mods of SAS who try their best and are pro-endo. I’m tired of people lumping me in with anti-endos when I really do not hang out that much with them. I’m tired of hearing the term “hate-group” thrown around because it has a very different definition than what’s being used and also I am white and privileged I should not be the voice on this! I’m tired of people yelling about SN when I’m not even in that server any longer. And, most of all, I’m tired of people dragging this drama on continuously in the public eye. Let it fucking rest, and please let this be the final essay I have to write about the topic.

Firstly, I want to address: A lot of what Sophie says is absolutely correct. I am loyal to a fault. I have allowed myself to get into a lot of situations that are incredibly fucking harmful, all in the name of being loyal to either a cause or a friendship.

This has led to me being set so far back in my recover lately that I’ve flinched at my partner touching me, split a new part in August of this year, and started obsessively stalking blogs again in the desperate need to know everything, just to appease anyone who might be curious.

I also agree that I mean… I really don’t hate Sophie. I hate a lot of her actions, and a lot of her takes, but I don’t hate her. I simply don’t hate people. It isn’t in my nature. I have a very intense dislike for her, but as she said – coke and mentos. I would likely go “oil and water,” but I think coke and mentos fits more, given my propensity for exploding. Trauma does shake one up.

Secondly: I want to address some of the negatives she’s said that I disagree with, or I feel her personal grudges might be impacting too much.

That’s how I see SAS, who will adopt labels like “syscourse enraged” or “pro syscourse conversation” on Tumblr, while their partner heads over to r/systemscringe to tell the anti-endos that SAS is “100% anti-endo” so they can get that sweet r/systemscringe demographic. SAS’s stance is whatever they think will convince the most people to listen to them.

I would greatly appreciate if people were to stop lumping SAS under that anti-endo label as well, as me and the person they’re actually referring to (Dude) agree on many things (and yes, disagree as well, as is only healthy in a fucking friendship). People so frequently ignore the things SAS has posted about endogenic systems that acknowledges their existence, while simultaneously condemning the entire mod team for the actions of… [checks] a singlet on reddit?

I would not be friends with the mods of SAS if their beliefs fundamentally opposed mine. If any of them were regularly fakeclaimers, harassers, or doxxers, I would be blasting them on each of my blogs that I could, with screenshotted proof (as I tend to do). The fact is, none of them are anti-endo. The one I would say fits closest to that label is Mod Signal, who’s opinions on endos seems to simply be, “god, I don’t want to fucking talk about that, can I PLEASE talk about the etymology of the word dissociative and the intersection of POC and medical spaces?” (Signal, you can correct me if I’m wrong on that, I just feel that’s the vibes).

The fact of the matter is, SAS – every mod there – is a traumatized individual who has made countless mistakes. I disagree with a lot of what Mod Dude has done and said, but not in such a way that it makes me ignore the words being said. He genuinely wants people to live their best lives and recover, while also groaning and laughing at the frankly ridiculous ableism in the world. And he calls that out, and points it out, and tries to clarify.

I don’t find that bad. There’s a reason why we’re friends.

Say, for instance, your friend is under fire for fakeclaiming and transphobia, and your response is to come up with a list of things the victim said to deserve it.

Sigh.

I am no longer a moderator at the Survivor’s Network. At the time of the post Sophie is referring to here, where the user fakeclaimed her with vicious transphobia, I wasn’t online, nor active in the server – I was busy that day, and couldn’t be attentive. I’ve raked myself over the coals endlessly about not being present 24/7 to discuss every last take coming from individuals in that server due to this obsession tumblr has had that any take from SN was clearly supported by everyone there.

It wasn’t.

I nearly left that day, and only stuck around because (as Sophie herself said) I am intensely loyal. And the individual took a step back, and when they came back, some new fire needed putting out. They had lost all memory of the post in question – and I had as well. It’s unfortunate.

When the post resurfaced, the user in question was guilt stricken and absolutely mortified that they had done that. This does not excuse the behavior. They could identify which part had gotten triggered enough to say that, and what led to them being triggered from her blog. This does not excuse the behavior. They wrote an apology to the server, as their actions now (somehow, someway) reflected on every individual in the server, and (more importantly, and accurately) apologized for how their actions might be making the server members feel unsafe. This does not excuse the behavior.

The “making excuses” she lists is the list of things I wrote out while in an incredibly triggered state where I tried to provide context for what could make an individual state such heinous, disgusting things about another person. Because I do not hate others. Not even transphobic, fakeclaiming assholes. They are all simply people, and I understood why this happened. I did not defend the action, but I defended the person. He didn’t deserve hatred; he deserved the chance to redeem himself.

Perhaps I’m too kind. But I believe everyone deserves chances to change. And given that he immediately privated the post (but not deleted, so that if people had questions, he still had the post to show them so he could prove his transgressions), stepped back massively from syscourse, and started discussing more about the self care he was doing to become a less hateful person, I believed he was making that change.

When the place this individual made alongside my friends came under fire for things that were complete fabrications and lies, I included that list in the document detailing each and every allegation. For transparency. Just like the document stated. I also wrote that piece while, once again, triggered and dissociated out of my mind. I was fully in my headspace, as a new part who did not even know her name, and having just abandoned everyone I knew and loved from Survivor’s Network.

I am no longer friends with that individual. Please do not lump me in with that space any longer, as they deserve better than syscourse drama in a space that is dedicated to growth and healing.

I will say this again, for those who did not hear: I do not, and never will, condone transphobia or fakeclaiming of others, regardless of your beliefs about them. Everyone deserves a baseline of respect. No matter their beliefs about anyone else, they deserve basic respect.

I have been harassed endlessly for that belief. It genuinely hurts the amount of times I’ve been accused now of defending transphobia, bullying, harassment, and fakeclaiming (not just from Sophie, but from various hate anons I’ve blocked or the countless plural servers I am no longer allowed to venture into due to being banned for “my actions” when they weren’t mine to begin with). I am not that person, and I’m so tired of being painted that way due to my desire to give people second chances.

Ugh. Anyways.

(Again though, this is only my opinion as an outside observer. And there could very likely be private conversations about their friends’ conduct I don’t see because it would be handled in DMs.)

This is fully accurate, and I wanted to highlight this for everyone in syscourse.

The majority of my syscourse takes place on discord. I’m always hovering between around 7 and 12 system servers that I’m present in at any given time. I’ve always used online spaces as a dissociative crutch to try and help myself focus on something while also dissociating, without losing myself entirely. According to my phone, while I get the most notifications from Tumblr (825 daily, on average), I spend around an hour a day on Discord at least. (Fun Fact: Since leaving SN, I now spend an average of 4 hours on my phone, which is down from 5-7 hours daily! Progress!) Discord is also the first thing I open each day, and I read through all of the servers I usually check for.

I conduct a lot of conversation in private. I don’t feel that the majority of this sort of… business… should be on a public forum like Tumblr. Honestly, I’ve frequently lamented about the fact that Sophie isn’t on Discord much (I’ve been in servers where she was banned due to inactivity) because I feel like I have such better communication there. There’s more time to have a back and forth, rather than these essay long posts that drain my energy and take me days to write (usually).

I do call people out in DMs. I have ticketed a lot of spaces I’m in to discuss with mods the actions of other users, to clarify for myself if I am being triggered, if I’m squicked out, or if I am in the right and they are acting inappropriately. I have blocked many individuals on Discord.

What you see on Tumblr is one of two things: carefully filtered, but edited for passion and attempting to sound as clear as possible, or not filtered in the slightest while highly charged. This post is one of the latter ones, believe it or not. The length of the post doesn’t change the feeling behind it!

The fact is, I can only really call out pro-endos… here. Because I am banned from so many pro-endo spaces… for… calling out. Pro-endos. And discussing their posts in servers that are condemned (wrongfully) of being collections of people in hate groups. Therefore supporting hate groups.

See the issue? It’s a never ending cycle.

I’m trying to join more endogenic oriented spaces currently, but… we’ll see. I find them incredibly stressful for my system, due to past experiences and the increasing need of people to find the “label” that fits others, but. We’ll see.

I’ll still use scare quotes when mentioning their syscourse alignment because I find them to often be out of touch with the endogenic community and our interests.

See above. It’s incredibly difficult to view and understand the endogenic community when each one immediately declares you a fakeclaiming bigot who supports hate groups…

I think because of their friendship with anti-endos, they still want to try to appease both sides as much as possible.

I want to write more about this at the end of the post, but believe it or not… I’m really not friends with many anti-endos. I think I can name 2 off the top of my head who actually do not believe in endogenic systems. And of those two, I only share a server with one.

I don’t believe there’s a world where endogenic systems and anti-endos can both find total acceptance

Hmm.

You know?

I don’t really disagree with this point as much as some may believe.

I actually do want the entire world, one day (or at least, the relevant people in the world) to agree that endogenic systems exist. I fully want anti-endo, as a label, to go away, and I want people to open their eyes and fucking understand what endogenic systems are actually about.

I do not believe there will be a world where anti-endos will continue to be a norm, and I think those who insist on crying about how there’s “people faking having a disorder” need to actually… you know… look. At the evidence we have so far (which is not much, I will admit, but is still there) and at the experiences people are having (which is far more telling and vast). I do not believe that there will be a world where anti-endos and endos can fully co-exist with everyone feeling safe and happy together.

I also do not think that is bad.

There is no such thing as a completely safe, tolerant space. Regardless of someone’s wishes or beliefs, we cannot all be together. We cannot all believe the same things. My heavy Christian upbringing has led to even my own system being at odds with its spiritual beliefs; I am a demonic protector who regularly talks to an angelic part, who both keep an eye on our demonic persecutor, and all three of us have different religious beliefs.

We cannot believe the same things. We will disagree.

That does not mean we cannot work together, cooperate, and exist in the same spaces. I think we need to learn how to, actually, in order for the more ideal “no more anti-endos” future to come to be. If anti-endos are not accepted as people, are not welcomed in by kind endogenic or pro-endos (like I was), then how would they ever learn?

Not that people need to risk their safety like that. I would never want that. But for those individuals who can handle that burden… I feel it is needed.

But this is all beside the point. That’s a good syscourse post for another day.

Circ doesn’t like me calling anti-endos a hate group because, in my (again, outside) opinion, they’re friends with anti-endos and don’t see how the people they’re friends with could possibly be part of a hate group.

I do not like people referring to anti-endos as a hate group due to them not fitting the definition of a hate group. I don’t like it because my POC friends (both neutral, pro-endo, and unaligned) have felt spoken over by others who insist that the actions of anti-endos are somehow comparable to the actions of groups like Nazis and the KKK.

Just a quick google search:

Anti-endos are not a cohesive organization or group, and does not have equal goals across the board. I believe extremist anti-endos could potentially fall under the label of having a goal, but they are disorganized. “The group itself must have some hate-based purpose.” Most anti-endos I have had both the pleasure and displeasure of knowing… just want to be left alone. And for those who do not want that, I call them out regularly on tumblr.

What leaders? What official statements? Again, this is vastly different from groups with an actual creed or motto, groups who are a real crisis in today’s life. Some asshole on tumblr who is rambling about “The People Faking A Disorder!!1!!” is not systematically oppressing endogenic systems. They are not killing them in the streets, or dragging them behind cars via rope (an event I will not be forgetting soon as a queer individual).

Okay, if we use this definition, I could see it. I could see someone calling anti-endos a social group that practices hostility. But that is assuming that every individual who uses the label anti-endo agrees with everyone else in that social group. Which is not the case.

There’s three options, all of which, I could only loosely tie to the term hate-group.

Regardless: It is not my fucking place. I am so incredibly privileged. While I live in fear to hold my partner’s hand in public, queer rights have come leaps and bounds from where they used to be, particularly in the incredibly democratic state I live in. There are individuals who are being killed daily for their race, gender, sexuality, religion, nationality, ethnicity – any element of identity – and I do not have that same sort of fear. It is not nearly as much of a reality for me as it is for others.

That’s why I uplift and repeat those calls that POC around me say. Those POC, again, are not anti-endos. They are pro-endo, predominately. I’ve also had many “endo uninterested” friends, to quote a few.

I do not like calling anti-endos a hate group because I do not believe they are one.

(Not saying this is the only reason they dislike me, obviously. I’m certain they can find lots of other reasons. But it does seem a recurrent theme that these are the topics that make them the most heated.)

There are many more reasons, you are correct! I do believe that there are some that make me far more heated. I just also don’t think saying them here would be any benefit. I’ve already aired out my issues with you on my completely privated side blog, which nobody can see.

That doesn’t need to be public, and hopefully never will be.

And of course, the SN document which included many outright lies or just massively twisted my past statements.

I tried to display everything I saw from Sophie’s blog as I saw it at the time, based on how the individual who fakeclaimed her read them. This is how they were viewed. That isn’t a lie – that’s how they were interpreted.

Also – I was not the only person who wrote that document. I abandoned that document before finishing it, tossing it to the very few current moderators who were left after working on it for a straight week. I cannot, at this point in time, recall what I wrote on it. For all I know, they bastardized what was written and changed every last word.

(They wouldn’t do that. They cared about getting the truth out as clearly as possible. Everything that was on that document should be the fullest, clearest interpretation of events from our perspectives. Nonetheless – I have no recollection of the details that were written anymore, beyond I think some of the section titles, and the allegations that were directed directly toward me).

I’m so tired of people saying I’m lying about what I read. I’m sorry, now, that I didn’t go back through again while on my vacation in August to link to each and every claim I made, to provide the context of the posts. I’m also glad I prioritized my mental health.

Particularly: if I read things that badly, it’s very clear I was far too triggered to be handling those topics in the first place.

And good lord, yes, everything you said at the end, though I’ll address the reverse as I know I have a wider anti-endo audience on my blog:

Do not fucking send hatred to Sophie. Do not go rallying against her. This is what I said on my callout post about her over a year ago, now. Do not interact with Sophie.

That isn’t about her. It’s about you. (At the time, it might have been about her – I abandoned MotCR for a reason. I was a dick back then, and while I stand by the call to action, I actually don’t necessarily stand by that post any longer. But I very rarely delete posts, so people can hold me accountable).

Sophie’s content often triggers those of us with trauma related to many topics – endogenic systems, tulpamancy, racism, spirituality, hallucinations, religion, and many other topics. She discusses those topics in conjunction with endogenic systems.

Someone who triggers you by talking about something that triggers you is not worthy of harassment. Nobody is worthy of harassment.

Someone you feel is spreading misinformation is not worthy of harassment. Nobody is worthy of harassment.

Stop fucking bringing me up to her! Stop bringing her up to me! I’ve said it so many times! I’ve begged her not to post asks about me in the past, but it’s just. Unavoidable when we share the same spaces, at this point, for us not to see each other’s posts. And when I see things, I address them, because that’s the point of a discourse space.

But you all are only harming everyone by trying to “defend” those you care about. Including those you care about! Have faith that the individuals you are trying to support can support themselves. Dragging my name into people’s inboxes to try and support me only continues drama that I would rather be left well enough alone, buried deep in the amnesic recesses of my mind.

Normalizing hatred toward Sophie will normalize pro-endos sending hate to those they view as Not One Of Them. This has happened before and will happen again if it becomes the norm. Pro-endos have been harassed to deletion and even death. Anti-endos have experienced the same.

Stop fucking doing it.

…

And for the last point, as an aside at the end, I have a genuine question.

How many anti-endo friends do you people think I actually have?

When I mention my anti-endo friends, I typically mean… like… 5. Max. And that number has severely dwindled, both due to the fact that I’ve made a lot more people open to endogenic plurality, and due to the fact that I’ve cut many individuals off.

I do not have many anti-endo friends. And of those friends I have, we don’t really discuss any syscourse. I have, I believe, one anti-endo friend at this point whom I share a server with. We discuss very little as we are both fairly inactive in that server. I believe the most recent discussion was “is it morally okay to steal from a big super market” (yes) and “what should I get for christmas this year” (thanks for the suggestion on the diamond painting, I’m kinda looking forward to it if I get it!)

The majority of anti-endos don’t like me. They don’t interact with me. Those that do often find themselves no longer identifying as anti-endo, or already didn’t blast their syscourse stance everywhere in the first place.

The anti-endos I do associate with are the kind that simply want a space away from Endogenic systems. They admit endos exist. They simply don’t want endos around them, and find that the anti-endo label is a quick and easy way to get endos to stay far away. (Huh, it all circles back to that “we should be more accepting of others, regardless of label” idea…)

Look. At the end of the day, one thing remains true: me and Sophie do not need to get along. She will continue arguing against the takes I make that she disagrees with, and I will continue arguing against hers. Honestly, that is far, far healthier than what was happening when I was trying desperately to avoid mentioning her at all. I feel now that I can actually engage in the discussions happening. There’s a lot of reasons for that -- the biggest I think being that I really could not give a rats ass about this topic anymore. I don’t care about what she posts.

The majority of what she posts nowadays are either vagueposts or takes about plurality, which I think is fine and dandy. It’s not my territory, and if I have problems or thoughts, I’ll typically post them on my own. Which I have been! Remarkably, our takes can often exist in conjunction.

Me and Sophie are not at war with each other. It’s more “you stay in your corner and I’ll stay in mine.”

Please let us keep it that way?

[relianceacademy]

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[vikochub]

Unlocking TikTok's Potential: How Creators Can Share Knowledge and Earn Through Courses

TikTok has taken the world by storm, captivating billions with its short, addictive videos. Originally a hub for entertainment, it’s now a platform where creators share bite-sized knowledge—think fitness hacks, cooking tips, or even marketing advice. But here’s the catch: TikTok’s time limits make it tough to dive deep into complex topics. That’s where courses come in. By packaging your expertise into structured lessons, you can meet your audience’s thirst for learning while opening up new income streams. This guide will show you how to harness TikTok’s power to share knowledge and profit from courses.

Why TikTok Creators Should Sell Courses

TikTok’s massive reach and diverse audience make it a goldmine for creators. Here’s why selling courses is a game-changer:

Monetize Your Expertise Sure, TikTok offers the Creator Fund and brand deals, but those can be unpredictable. Courses let you cash in directly on what you know. Your followers already love your quick tips—why not give them more and get paid for it?

Build Your Credibility A well-crafted course doesn’t just teach—it screams “expert.” Whether you’re breaking down photography tricks or lifestyle hacks, you’ll boost your reputation as a go-to authority.

Expand Your Reach TikTok’s algorithm is a beast, but its audience is mostly platform-bound. Courses pull in learners willing to invest in education, even from beyond TikTok, growing your influence.

Ride the Online Learning Wave The online education market is exploding—expected to hit $375 billion by 2026. TikTok users are hungry for learning, and you can feed that demand right now.

What Kinds of Courses Work Best?

Your course should reflect what you’re good at and what your followers want. Here are some ideas:

TikTok Growth Secrets: Share insider tips on building followers, increasing engagement, or cracking the algorithm.

Content Creation 101: Teach filming, editing, and producing standout short videos.

Niche Deep Dives: Go all-in on your specialty—think healthy recipes, DIY projects, or digital marketing strategies.

These tie into your TikTok vibe, making it a no-brainer for your audience to sign up.

How to Get Started

Ready to turn your ideas into a course? Follow these steps:

Pick a Platform You’ll need a solid platform to host your course—one with easy uploads, secure payments, and marketing perks. Check out options like VIKOC to launch fast.

Map Out Your Course Pinpoint your key lessons and split them into modules. Start simple, then level up to keep learners hooked.

Mix Up Your Content Blend videos, text, and quizzes to keep things lively. Stick to your TikTok style so it feels familiar.

Price It Right Scope out similar courses to set a fair price that matches your value. Test it out and tweak based on feedback.

Spread the Word Drop teasers on TikTok with hot sounds and hashtags. Team up with other creators or run ads to amplify your reach.

Stay Connected Chat with students, answer their questions, and cheer on their wins. Happy learners spread the word.

Tips to Nail It

Know Your Crowd: Match your course to your followers’ skill level—beginner or pro. Relevance is everything.

Keep It Clear: Break your course into bite-sized chunks with specific goals for easy digestion.

Make It Fun: Toss in activities or live Q&As to spice up the experience.

Push It Hard: One TikTok post won’t cut it—keep hyping your course with fresh videos.

Prove It Works: Share glowing reviews from students to build trust.

What’s the Payoff?

Your earnings hinge on your audience size, course price, and hustle. Say you’ve got 50,000 followers and 1% buy a $40 course—that’s $2,000. Bump that to 100,000 followers and a $50 course, and you’re at $5,000. With killer content and smart marketing, the sky’s the limit.

Real-World Wins

Creators are already crushing it with courses. A fitness TikToker launched a workout plan and had hundreds of sign-ups in weeks. A beauty creator turned her tutorials into a course and doubled her income. These stories prove courses can both pay off and deepen your fanbase.

Why Act Now?

The online learning boom and TikTok’s growing education trend are aligning perfectly. The platform loves creators who bring value, and courses are your ticket to stand out. Whether it’s more influence or bigger paychecks, now’s your moment.

TikTok isn’t just for viral dances—it’s a launchpad for sharing what you know. By creating courses, you can give your followers more while building a thriving side gig. From TikTok tricks to niche know-how, seize this chance to shine in a red-hot market.

[actuallyidontgiveadamn]

i've never been vocal about bnha before but chapter 382 leaks depiction of AFO and Hawks as equal opposites got me so good I will explode if I don't rant about it and Hawks character development in general

If you want to read about the chapter 382 only, skip to the part with the manga pages

But I think it's necessary to start from the beginning so here are my quick thoughts

Given his late introduction, sparse appearances and mostly support role in any given situation Hawks can be narratively classified as a side character even to side characters (pro-heroes, with students being the main heroes). Within the narrative he himself insists on being a support to other heroes, from cheering them up (mostly through manipulating emotions and lying, but that's a topic for another rant) to gathering information on the enemy, and assisting in fights.

What I think we the readers and he himself has been failing to see is that he's not just supporting, he's actually leading. He was initially shown as an arrogant hero who works alone and ignores his sidekicks and interns because he couldn't bother with them being slow, but the moment a given situation gets more serious we can see that he's actually good at working with others. He's good at reading people and circumstances, bending any given situation even as it actively unfolds, manipulating people and coordinating fights.

When we first see him, he successfully pulls an 'ignorant brat' stunt on both public and heroes, which manipulates public opinion on Endeavor and Endeavor's opinion on him, both to his desired outcomes.

The High-End fight was basically staged by him, and when it happens in the middle of a city very much not according to plan he still manages to ensure that it ends with no casualties.

Operation against the PLF is once again his doing and I personally would've very much loved to see him coordinating it instead of being incapacitated at the very start.

Then again, the moment he gets up from the hospital bed, he's taking everything in his hands. He encourages Endeavor to keep fighting by walking in on his family meeting just at the right time (absolutely not a coincidence) and saying just the right words. He's the one to come up with heroes' public speech. He appears to support Deku and other heroes politely suggesting what they should do and how they should behave when basically he's giving orders right and left to three most experienced and proper adult heroes. All while being a crippled 23yo who never had a normal life. He's two days out of Comissions control, he's injured beyond recognition, and he opts to leading others, which he still views as just supporting them.

And now the final fight against the final Big Bad of the entire series. Hawks enters it yet again considering himself an Endeavor's sidekick. After all, the final battle should be between the Worst Villain and the Top Hero, right? And then this rapidly changes to show us who is actually carrying that fight. Even while Endeavor is still fighting, we see how Hawks is the one coordinating the fight and keeping Endeavor focused.

When Endeavor falls, Hawk's role as the leader shines to its fullest. He is still crippled and so he understands he's no match to AFO and yet he's succesfull in fighting, stalling, manipulating, and annoying the main villain.

He denies AFO leaving, denies him proceeding with his plans, gets support from other heroes and supports them in return, he's now successfully leading a team effort. And even though Hawks doesn't know who may or may not come to his aid, he's fast to adapt to the changes. He's relentless and AFO is noticing it.

Enters chapter 382 and its composition.

Hawks is now actually mirrored to AFO. Through art and panels and phrases.

First of all notice how they are being simultaneously addressed to as "2人の男" - "Two men". Their panels are obviously mirrored despite them not actually facing each other since Hawks is standing behind Tokoyami's back at the moment and AFO is in the air. This mirror is getting even better in the page below. They now have a same sentence for both of them with a one word difference.

For AFO it's "The situation still isn't the best" and for Hawks "The situation still isn't the worst", with 'best' and 'worst' written on their respective sides.

Then we get main focus of this chapter on Toga, but in the end we're brought full circle to AFO and Hawks, with the same mirror panels and almost the exact same sentence again.

Once again 'two men' and once again 'the situation' sentence starts being written for both characters but then it changes.

First of all 'still' (まだ) changes to 'already' (もう), and continues for AFO as 'The situation is already becoming the best'. But then suddenly it starts over and has 'still' in it as in the beginning. As if Hawks is refusing to recognise the change of circumstances in AFO's favor. For Hawks it's 'The situation is still' - and then even continued by Hawks himself speaking it out loud - "not the worst"'. Hawks insists on saying 'still' though he too clearly sees that things just got worse for the heroes. (And I have a feeling that this sentence and Hawks' response is a big nod to his "I'm an optimist" line).

So in this chapter Hawks is obviously shown as an equal opposite to AFO. He's finally acknowledged having the same role as the mastermind and the leader but on the heroes' side. Throughout the battle (and the whole previous manga) he's been shown as smart, quick-thinking, both parts supportive and leading, and most of all unyielding despite all the circumstances. Getting him finally recognised for these qualities is a huge development and an acknowledgement for a 'side character'.

Insane part is that he himself still doesn't seem to get it. At that moment he's supporting Tokoyami and feeling unworthy of it.

[im-just-a-mississippi-girl]

okay so I have braincells now and thinking more about don callis and being the invisible hand. He really acts like a parent whose wants his kids to go into like med school or become famous. And I THINKL on commentary when the elite lost, one of the commentary teams went "Callis has thrown his mic down" and hes so prone to bouts of violence [that and hitting matt] that somewhere on wendesday were at least going to see callis become more manpuitive and I dont think Kenny is going to be his target

I honestly think hes gonnna go after Matty again like he did before. Because Matts always be the more emotional one out of the bucks [at least afer he lets everything bottle up and fester and then like explode] like what we saw in the kenny/hangman vs the bucks match. It was Matt who seemed to explode and just need to be the one to hurt people, because he was hurtng. So hes more prone to being manpulated and exposed. And Callis has always seemed to be the one to pick on the small gaps of emotions. Plus Matt was the one to eat the pin [ if im remembering correctly] and so callis preying on matt being the failure of the elite.

I think its ultimeately gonna be the breakdown of the elite [or at least, the elite as we know it[ because Callis either makes Kenny pick between him and the bucks or success and the bucks. Because why should the god of pro wrestling have to lower himself for two people who couldnt even kick out of a pin?

Oooooohh!!!!! I’m loving and hating this thought! I think you might be onto something!

You’re totally right with Matt being the more emotional one. Like you mentioned, we’ve seen Matt take his emotions (especially bad) out on others.

I do believe you’re right on the idea that Don would make Kenny choose between him and the bucks or success and the bucks. It makes sense for him to do that and Don making Matt out to be the weak one because of not kicking out of pins or what have you would definitely be the way to go in tearing down the elite or something of the sort.

I’m actually happy you brought up the hangman/Kenny vs the bucks match because when you think about the story between the bucks, Kenny and hangman, Matt’s been the one to not be able to move on (if I’m remembering correctly). Like Nick gave hangman a fist bump or shook his hand (I can’t remember which) but Matt couldn’t bring himself to do it because he’s still hurt but we have seen Matt attempt to talk to hangman.

Okay, I got off track but back to the original topic.

Don going after Matt makes so much sense and so does forcing Kenny to choose.

My question is (I guess it depends on how things play out) what’s Kenny’s decision? Will he stick with his best friends who have been through through so much with him or does he stick with “family” and success? Like how will the events be presented to Kenny, if they even are shown to him? Will have to go off words alone to make this decision?

[rocorambles]

Redemption

Pairing: Ushijima x Reader

Genre: NSFW, Fluff and Smut

Warnings: Slight Size Kink

Summary: When you find out Ushijima is a virgin, you offer to be his first and help him out. But in reality, you might be the one who needs some help.

Requested by Anon

There’s a comfortable quiet atmosphere between the two of you as Ushijima hands you a clean towel while you pant for breath. Technically speaking, there’s no reason why the two of you need to be together today on one of the few days the Schweiden Adlers had off, but you had a soft spot for the pro-athlete, so when he had asked if you wanted to go workout together at the team training gym, you agreed. You couldn’t deny you needed some exercise. Being a team manager didn’t mean you worked out much yourself, so you looked forward to sweating some extra calories. But you really should have known better than to expect just a normal workout with Ushijima sternly overseeing your routine. 

“Ushijima, you do realize I’m not a pro-athlete like you, right? You can’t expect me to keep up with you.” 

“Anyone can do anything if they set their minds on it and work hard enough.” 

You roll your eyes before fondly looking at the tall man beside you. Was he a little dense and a little too blunt? Sure. But you saw the heart of gold and genuineness within him. You’d always wondered why the man was still single. You know he’s sometimes an idiot when it comes to social cues and can’t hold small talk to save his life, but you’d seen far worse and less deserving men end up tricking some poor damsel into their spider webs. Surely you’re not the only one who sees the diamond in the rough that Ushijima really is? 

You don’t realize you’re intensely staring at him until he uncomfortably shifts. “It’s rude to stare.” You blush and quickly turn away from him, opting to chug your water as a distraction. Checking your phone, you gasp when you realize how late it is. “Shit, sorry, I really need to run…” You trail off and Ushijima narrows his eyes at you as a mischievous grin spreads across your face. He’s all too aware that the look doesn’t mean anything good for him. 

“What are you doing tonight?”

There’s a long pause before he grunts out “nothing” and you suddenly seem more intimidating than any opponent he’s faced across the net when your eyes light up and your head moves until it’s only inches away from his own. 

“Cool! So you’re going to a party with me then.” 

He blinks once at you before completely shutting you down with a resounding no. But really, after knowing you and working in such close proximity with you almost every day, he should realize how relentless you are once your mind is made up. 

“When’s the last time you talked to anyone outside of the team, coaches, trainers, and managers? And Tendou doesn’t count since he’s still technically volleyball related.” 

Ok, so maybe you had a point there. 

“We don’t even have practice for the next few days! So you’ll have time to rest up and recover and be totally back to 100% for the next practice.” 

You smile when you see his determined look slip a bit, but your jaw drops at his next words. “I’m not going to a party where you’re just going to ditch me to have sex with someone and then either complain or brag about it to me the next day.” 

You frantically cover his mouth with your hands as you nervously look around to make sure no one around had heard him. “USHIJIMA! I tell you these things because I expect you to keep quiet about them. Not just blabber it out for everyone to hear.” 

He impassively stares at you and you sigh as you remove your hands from his face before determinedly looking at him again. “But actually since you’ve already brought it up, I noticed you never have any spicy stories to tell me! It’s not fair if I’m the one who’s always sharing. When’s the last time you even had sex? It has to be stressful to not let off some steam in a more enjoyable way than volleyball.”  (Although you secretly wonder if Ushijima finds volleyball more pleasurable than sex. You wouldn’t doubt it.) But you squint as he suddenly seems less stoic than usual and...are his cheeks pink? 

“Ushijima, are you embarrassed? I literally tell you about all my sex exploits and you’re embarrassed by me just asking you when the last time you did it was?” Your voice trails off when a suspicion begins to form and your eyes soften as you more gently nudge him. “It’s okay if it’s been a long time. I know how busy you are. It’s not a reflection of you, I promise. But isn’t that more reason to come out with me tonight?” He mumbles something and you lean in, unable to make out the words, but when he repeats them, you freeze. 

A virgin? Ushijima was a virgin? 

You know you should say something instead of just staring at him like an idiot, but shock numbs you and only when he makes a move to get up and leave do you hastily grab his arm. Your mouth flounders as you try to come up with a response, but when you observe how vulnerable and sensitive the topic seems to be for him, your heart goes out to your friend and you shake the lingering surprise from you. 

“Hey, it’s not a big deal. I think it’s kind of sweet actually. Your first time should be special, with someone you really care about. You shouldn’t ever feel ashamed about the fact that you haven’t done it. Hell, I wish I hadn’t been so quick to lose my virginity to some asshole in college.” 

You smile when you see his shoulders straighten and maybe it’s the slight upturned twitch of his lips or maybe it’s the way dark olive eyes glow when they look at you, but you don’t even register the words that come tumbling from your lips until they hang heavy in the air. 

“I could be your first if you wanted.” 

You are a fucking idiot. You scramble to figure out a way to take back those words, already preparing for Ushijima to angrily end any friendship the two of you had, already dreading how you’re going to manage a team when one of the starters hates you. Your mind is reeling so hard from the dark future you’ve painted for yourself in your head that you almost miss what Ushijima says. 

“Okay.” 

Suffice to say, all plans to go to your party fly out the window and you send an apologetic text to your friend. Ushijima and you go to your respective locker rooms to wash up and freshen up before trekking back to your apartment. The walk isn’t uncomfortable per se, but there’s an electric energy radiating between the two of you as you walk silently next to each other. And shit, you’re not the virgin, but why is your heart beating so hard and so fast that you think it might literally explode from your chest? You scowl at yourself as your hands tremble when you unlock and open your front door and when Ushijima’s back is turned to you as he removes his shoes, you mentally slap yourself to get it together. 

With renewed confidence, you firmly grasp his larger wrist and tug him along to your bedroom where you gently push him onto the bed. You take a moment to revel in the power you feel from being in charge of the stronger, larger man underneath you and arousal stirs within you from Ushijima’s submission and willingness to let you have your way with him. It’s the most vulnerable you’ve ever seen him and your heart warms as you lean down to softly kiss him, smiling against his lips when you feel him tentatively reciprocate. Kissing Ushijima feels like what you imagine completing a satisfying day's work on the farm feels like. You can almost taste the sturdiness, the comforting warmth of a fireplace burning as you return from the fields, and the authentic, humble roots on his lips. There’s no frills, no pretenses. It’s purely Ushijima and you love it. 

You think you could spend all night just kissing him if you wanted to, but you remind yourself of tonight’s mission. You trail your fingers down his chest until you reach the hem of his shirt which you begin to roll up until it reaches the top of his torso and he helps you fully remove it. Sitting upright on his thighs, you can feel yourself salivate as you take in the broad expanse of his upper body on display for you. You’ve seen it before, but in the dim light of your bedroom and splayed across your bedsheets, it’s mesmerizing and you can’t help the way you unconsciously run your hands across every inch of taut muscle and kiss random lines across chiseled lines. You smirk when you feel Ushijima’s groin thrust up when you coyly flick a nipple with your tongue and you stare at him as you begin to suck on the hardening bud, drinking in the sight of the usually reserved man letting out breathy moans as you continue your ministrations.

You want to tease him more, coax more sounds out of him, but the feeling of something hard prodding your stomach keeps you moving on and you pointedly tug on the waistband of his pants until he gets the memo and raises his hips to allow you to remove everything until he’s completely bare before you. And any confidence you had built up shatters. 

If you’re entirely honest, you’d had your fair share of wet dreams imagining what Ushijima was hiding underneath his shorts, but when faced with reality that’s somehow even larger than anything you had even dreamt of, you bite your bottom nervously as your pussy clenches at the thought of trying to fit him inside of you. You’re not sure if it’s lust or nerves that has your stomach twisting as you wrap a hand around his impressive girth. Probably both, you think, as your throat goes dry and your thighs squeeze together when you see how your entire fist barely covers less than half of him. 

Your attention is brought back to the man underneath you when you hear a low groan as you stroke your fist up and down his shaft, giving some extra attention to the leaking slit at the tip. Your other hand reaches underneath your panties and circles your clit. You’ll need to be absolutely drenched before you can even think of trying to take him. But it’s not hard for your cunt to become a sopping mess when you stare in awe at the way Ushijima writhes underneath you, releasing low breathy pants and grunts that you can feel rumbling throughout his body. Already feeling a wet spot seeping through your clothes, you affectionately kiss him once more before briefly getting up to quickly strip down. His eyes hungrily devour the sight of your naked figure as you crawl back above him and adjust your position until you feel his tip nudging at your entrance. 

You close your eyes and moan as you slowly lower yourself onto him, but even as wet as you are, you can barely take half of him inside you as he stretches you far beyond any person or any toy has. Yet, despite the discomfort and borderline pain of the stretch, you feel even more of your arousal dripping down your thigh as you continuously lift and lower yourself, always pushing slightly harder, slightly further than where you’d been before. Your eyes roll back from the feeling of being so full and your nails dig into Ushijima’s shoulders as you desperately continue to work his entire length into you. But you reach your limit and you swear you can feel him inside of your womb even though there’s still about a quarter more of his cock waiting to penetrate you. You take a deep breath and exhale as you try to sink further down, but you let out a broken moan when fingers twist and tug your nipples. 

Ushijima intensely observes you as he kneads your fleshy mounds, playing with your hardened nubs until he sees the tiny furrow on your forehead smooth out. He sits up and bends his neck to soothingly kiss you. A primal instinct in him had been entranced at the sight of your much smaller figure struggling to take just a part of him and he had to use every bit of will power he had to not instantly cum at the feeling of your warm and wet walls squeezing around him. But when he saw the hints of pain you tried to push past written all over your face, a desire to make you feel only pleasure had overtaken him. 

He continues running his fingers across your chest as your tongues twist and turn against each other and you moan into his mouth as you reach a hand down to furiously rub against your clit until you feel another surge of arousal and more fluids run down your inner thigh. You guide his hands to your waist before continuing to rub your clit and you urge him to help you as you clash your lips against his once more. But you tear away from his mouth in a silent scream as he grabs you and forcefully pushes you down and down until your lower bodies press tightly against each other, any space between them removed. Ushijima’s eyes are glued to your face and he takes in the way your eyes widen and your jaw drops open as you claw at his arms, leaving angry red trails as your body tries to adjust to literally being stuffed full. He patiently waits until your nails stop their frantic clawing and he drops his forehead to your shoulder with a groan as you begin to rock your hips up and down. 

He can feel the sloppy mess you’re making as you continue to flood the sheets underneath with your seemingly never ending arousal, but he can’t bring himself to care as your pace speeds up until you’re practically bouncing in his lap as you desperately chase your end. You scream when he tightens his grip on your waist and assists you, slamming you down and easily picking you up before slamming you down again, perfectly matching your rhythm until everything blends together and you don’t even know who’s doing what anymore. All you know is the feeling of Ushijima’s cock sliding and pressing against every inch and every crevice of your pussy, filling you so well you wonder if you’ll ever be satisfied with anything else inside of you after this. 

You can’t even bring yourself to feel ashamed by the wanton wail you let out as you reach a higher peak than you’ve ever reached before and your entire body shakes with pleasure as Ushijima continues to lift and lower your body even without any support from you until he harshly pushes you down one last time and holds you still as he releases thick spurts deep inside of you, so deep that even in the haze of your orgasm you’re grateful you’re on birth control because you’re sure he’s coating your actual womb with how far inside he seems to reach. You slump into his chest and let yourself be maneuvered by him until the two of you are lying side by side, facing each other, your lower bodies still intimately connected. 

The two of you lay there for a while and you instinctively nuzzle your face into his chest as his arms tenderly wrap around you, pulling you even closer to him and you both take quiet comfort in the sounds of your heavy breaths filling the air. But when your heart beats slow and your breathing evens out, you cringe in embarrassment. 

“Ushijima, I’m so sorry. This was your first time. I should have been the one taking care of you, but you ended up needing to step in and take charge.” There’s a stretch of silence before you feel one of his arms move and a hand lightly nudges your head up to look at him. Your heart flutters when you see the most gentle smile you’ve ever seen on his face.  

“Wakatoshi. Call me Wakatoshi.”

You see a flash of uncertainty in his usually confident eyes as he hesitantly inches his face closer to yours, but you grin as you meet him halfway and your lips slot against each other like two puzzle pieces perfectly connecting. You close your eyes and relish the peaceful moment for a bit before using the element of surprise and pushing against him until he’s on his back underneath you once more. You playfully clench your pussy walls and smirk at the way he throws his head back and hisses at the feeling. You can feel him begin to harden once more inside of you and when he looks back at you, you shoot a wink his way. 

“Let me redeem myself, Wakatoshi.”  

[snakesnack6]

Youtuber AU!Six the Musical

(Written this few months back and it’s very long, sorry)

Headcannons of Ladies and Waiting and The Palace : here

Catherine of Aragon:

 Guides/Explanations and has her own interview show

Guides as in taking a topic like Taxes, and simplifying the topic enough that adults, teens, and children could understand it

Simple enough that children can understand,but educational enough that it can be used in classrooms and businesses, and such to help people learn taxes and how to do them

Her interview show at first seems like a professional interview with yellow blank room, and two seats until you hear the questions

Questions range from” What is the meaning of life to you?” To,  “Do you know why the chicken crossed the road?”, or even just,” yes or no?”

These are all fan questions, and Aragon always have someone else pick the questions,so they turn out random and weird as possible

A fan made a collage of pictures of Aragon when she reads off a question and has a face of regret because she has to ask it

One of the highest subscribed channel in the group

Has a show with Anne on The Palace, called the The Vs Series

Anne Boleyn:

Mainly Game Commentary and Prank Videos

Starting doing youtube,so she could be home more often for Howard

Also does Comedy sketches w/ Howard and Anna

Help start  The Vs Series with Aragon because they were just so competitive with each other so much it became a regular thing and dragged the rest of queens with them in order to form teams

Streams herself DJing once a week or making a playlist with fans

Currently teaching Jane and Aragon how to play Overwatch,so she can get a team

Dancing or doing something ridiculous off camera while another queen is recording

 When Parr is streaming, Anne either goes to Parr’s room or chat inorder to ask questions like “If Neil A. is just alien backwards, does that mean the moon landing was fake?” to make her lose her place and leaves

Enjoys doing  voice recognition for controls or games that chat can interact with like Keep Talking and Don’t Explode or JackBox Party

Jane Seymour:

DIY and Baking/Cooking Videos

Mainly does DIY when she collabs,but fans enjoy it

Her cooking videos are much relaxing and calming like JunsKitchen and  HidaMari Cooking

Baking videos are a 50/50

It can be calming, and her having fun, or it is a version of  Seymour embracing her inner chaoticness 

Food dye is everywhere, Jane is  on the floor laughing, some possibly might be burning but it's fun to watch in the end

Has a garden and lives on small farm

Has a pig named Chris P. Bacon that shows up in some videos 

Goes to Aragon, Parr, or Anna for a taste test first before going to Anne and Kat

Fans sometimes refer her as Mama Jane, or Mama Seymour but she doesn’t have a clue why 

Anna of Cleves:

Workouts, Parkour,and Dog Vlogs

Workouts can pertain from high intensity cardio, and zumba, to sometime calming as Yoga

Convinces the rest of the queens to do them with her

Usually has a goPro strapped on her for Parkour videos

 Sometimes she trades out Parkour for rock climbs,hiking and skateboards

90% of these type videos are with Anne and Howard

Dogs vlogs are when she is going about her day with her dogs, their care route, or just when she just straps a go pro and lets them run around.

Her dogs consist of a Pitbull, Mastiff, German Spaniel, and the newest addition, a Senior Golden Retriever 

When drama is happening, the camera cuts to her just chilling on the couch with the dogs

Streams/Records herself gaming once in a while, usually when Anne needs a teammate

Other highest subscribed channel in the group

Katherine Howard:

Vlogging,stories, covers, and original music

Did make-up tutorials when she first started

Her vlogs are recorded over the week, and almost doing a recap of it in a single video

Her covers, and om are are her highest viewed and liked videos

Does some challenges with Anne and Anna on her channel

Used to mainly edit Anne’s videos before trying branching out to her own channel

Joins Parr in her reactions or reviews

Had to take a hadius for ‘personal reasons’

Comes back and starts streaming  mainly with Anna, and Aragon

Mainly it’s them taking, making jokes,singing and playing cards or something  

Or its them building some like a table or engineering a whole machine/robot

Their highest viewership was when they started to mess with the programming in a few roombas,somehow added a voice interface and module to them, and the rise of the roombas began

Long time fans notice that she is happier and seems to be enjoying the building than tutorials, which many  have noticed she stopped doing entirely 

Collabs with LiW(Ladies in Waiting) in some of each others’ covers or songs

Catherine Parr:

Mainly Book and Movie Reviews

Also does live reaction with the group

Has a different personally for streaming 

For  streaming like it will start  8 pm and will end between 12-6 am

It's mainly her going deep into theories,unsolved mysteries  and Controversies and possibly solving/answering them

Bulletin boards everywhere,articles everywhere, string everywhere

A truly chaotic stream ,but Cathy does enjoy it

Most likely has her own subreddit and pages for each topic,so fans can send info to help her

Definity running on coffee by hour 3 of the stream,but will stop the stream that day with she either reaches a certain amount of coffee, or certain number of donations

She doesn’t reveal the number so keep going without fans worrying,but they figure out at some point

Anne sometimes shows up to ask a question that throws her off and leaves or joining in the debate entirely  

The one that started The Palace, the queen’s group channel

Edits videos for Aragon and The Palace

(I have more headcannons for this as well as a few fanfics such as how they all met and how Anne and Kat, found out they were cousins with Jane. I have to deiced if I’m gonna post the stories on here or on ao3,but we’ll see)

[toothsy]

Like a dad || Aizawa Shota

A/N : I wrote this for getting my head out of matchups a little, also because I'm super exhausted and sad, just see this fanfic as a way for me to vent because it is 100% me. It's maybe weird, but when I feel super down I just need, really NEED, to talk to an adult (not my parents, but my teachers,etc.), males more specifically. (NOT IN A ROMANTIC WAY THOUGH, just dad-love type.) You'll understand why in this fanfic, because, like I said, it's completely me. Anyway, I really hope you'll enjoy it though and that it'll help some ;w;. If you feel like you need to talk, you can always ask to dm, I'm always here to hear you out and trying to make you feel better.

Warnings : Big angst / Kind of hard topic ?

Keys : Y/n - Your Name || L/n - Last Name ||

---------------------

''L/n.'' I heard someone calling out my name, but I just didn't feel like waking up, I didn't want to get up, nor even just opening my eyes. I cursed myself mentally when I understood that I actually fell asleep on my desk once again. How many times now ? 6 times. 6 times I just fell asleep on my desk, because I couldn't sleep when I was at my home. Recently, my parents were having huge fights at home, to the point that the only thing I could hear was my parents yelling at each other and once they stopped yelling, I couldn't sleep because the only thing that was getting in my head was the fight.

Though, I already had insomnia before their fights, because my brain can't not think about my problems one bit, so I was kind of used to it. Though, I never slept while the teacher was talking, I'm only sleeping once he finished and I'm so tired that I instantly fall asleep every time on my desk, it wasn't really disturbing the teacher since I'm not disturbing him doing his job, well, at least that's what I think. You may ask what I'm always thinking about once my head hit the pillow ? My father and I, we were never close to each other, he's like a bomb, he explodes for nothing and is always a 'drama king' to everything, which annoys me a lot. He's even worst then the blond in my class, Bakugo, honestly.

He never accepted me for who I am, never accepted the fact that I'm human too and that I can't do too much things, because it's the way I am. He is also kind of homophobic, thinking about it now, and I just can't support it. Though, somehow, I still love him and I still want to be close to him. No matter what he does, no matter how much he hurts me, no matter how much he breaks me, I'll still love him. He's my dad after all.. He has never been there for me, has never tried to help me when I needed him the most, even I don't understand why I still love him, even after everything he did to me.

My mother is the complete opposite, she has always been there for me, supported me no matter what.. the thing is, I need my dad too, and it hurts seeing the person I love the most, the person that was supposed to protect me, was supposed to raise me, love me, hating me and treating me like I was a pure mistake. His mistake. I honestly, had thought that if I would die, no one would even care. Do I even have friends anyway ? Does someone care ? I'm the shy and silent type of student that hates herself too much to even talk to the others, so of course, no one was hanging out with me, until I arrived to U.A, people started to talk to me more, but, it just felt like they were forcing themselves. Am I exaggerating ? Probably. Am I paranoid ? Totally.

I felt a big hand on my shoulder shaking me slowly to wake me up. ''L/n, you fell asleep on your desk once again..'' said the voice with a tone of annoyance. I could tell who it was, my teacher, the pro hero named Eraserhead, his real name being Aizawa Shota. I have to admit, I was secretly a big fan of the black haired man, he was the reason why I was still alive today and still trying to get better. I could understand Izuku now, why he just loved All Might's presence and lucky him, the number one hero was noticing to him way more then the other students. I secretly hoped Aizawa would notice me like All Might notices the green haired boy, but my hopes were all in vain. Aizawa was like a dad to me, even though we never talked, he was really a dad for me. When I was super down, I was reading more about Aizawa, trying to find any videos of him, but he didn't want to be on cameras, so it was hard, there were only old videos of him younger, nothing else.

Once I knew who he was, I was doing my best. I felt like I would explode of joy, which it rarely happened to me, I was studying way too much and had really good grades, because I wanted him to notice me. I was also making sure of being smart and strong enough during exercises. Though, all was in vain, he never noticed me and once again, I felt like I didn't have a dad there for me, it has hurt me way more then how my dad hurts me. Suddenly, my grades were not as good as they were at first, it was hard for me to focus, everything suddenly became so heavy. Too heavy to support it.

I slowly looked up, meeting Aizawa's dark eyes and I sighed, rubbing my eyes. ''A-Ah, Aizawa-sensei.. I'm.. I-I'm sorry..'' I said. I looked around the classroom, no one was there except me and my teacher. ''W...Where..'' The raven haired man cut my sentence and answered me ''Everyone left. You were supposed to leave two hours ago.'' He still looked at me with a bored expression. ''Oh..'' I said softly. I looked down with a guilty look. I am supposed to leave, yet here I am, not getting up, because I just don't feel like to. I wasn't looking at him, but I could feel somehow that the look on his face has slightly changed. ''But I wanted to talk to you about something anyway..'' he said. I jumped slightly, surprised of what he just said. He took the chair from the desk in front of me and sit on it, not bothering to turn it around so he could sit properly.

I have to admit, I started to freak out. He seemed suddenly so serious, it was almost scary and he had never looked at me that way before. I gulped, the noise was so strong that I think Aizawa understood that I started to freak out, so his look has softened a little. He sighed. ''L/n, your grades are really going down more and more, though, normally they are higher then the rest of the class. In exercises too, it's getting down. You rarely cope with your team, which is weird since normally it's the opposite..'' he stopped, waiting to see my reaction. I simply looked down with a more guilty expression then ever. ''You are also always sleeping on your desk once classes are over, stay in class for three hours to sleep before your phone wakes you up and then you leave,  which I can tell that you really don't get enough sleep at home.. I have to admit that it makes me a bit concerned..''

My eyes widened at this and I looked at him again. Eraserhead ? Being concerned ? Something broke in me, for a reason that I don't know. Was he really worried, or is he only saying this because it's his job ? If he really is worried, I could I not see it ? I started to really feel guilty now. How selfish am I actually ? I felt really bad right now. He looked at me and saw that I started to think, but he continued. ''Which is why I need to ask.. is everything okay, Y/n ?'' I could feel my heart shatters in a million pieces. He was worried about me, how could I be so ignorant ? I started to feel like I couldn't talk, that if I said one thing I would let out a sob. I also started to feel tears in the coiner of my eyes. I didn't want to show him my true emotions, I don't want to, I want to be stronger then this.

Seeing that I wouldn't talk, he decided to change the question slightly. ''Is everything okay at home ? Did something happened ?'' I shook my head, which was a lie, but I just couldn't let all of this out right now, could I ? I really hoped one moment that he would let go or believe it, but, he didn't. I knew now, that I had to talk. I took a big breath, calming myself and it worked, so I decided to talk. ''There's not-'' A sob cut my sentence, my eyes went wet again and this time, I couldn't get back. I cursed at myself inside, for letting my teacher seeing me like this. ''T-There's n-nothing w-w-wrong !'' I finally shouted and then I started to cry.

Aizawa took a moment, kind of surprised and alarmed, but he eventually shook his head to get out of his thoughts. He slowly reached out to me and then hugged me, putting my face on his chest while patting my head, doing a sort of massage to my hair. My eyes widened, I suddenly felt something new inside of me. A kind of joy, like it was the first time that someone hugged me. Like I was protected for once in my life. I felt in security in his arms, which it never happened to me even if my mom did hugged me. I took a while, crying in his arms, being a complete crying mess to the point that I could feel that his black sweater was now wet against my face.

I sighed, finally calm once again. He still was patting my head slowly, waiting for me to move. I decided to take some moments, hearing his heartbeat and calm myself to make sure I won't cry again. ''S-Sorry for your sweater, sir..'' I mumbled, loud enough for him to hear. I felt a sigh escaping his lips as he mumbled a 'it's okay'. There was now a comfortable silence between us. I sighed too, I felt suddenly way more better then before, like a huge amount of weight had left my shoulders, it was now.. less heavy then before. Why didn't I feel the same when my mom tried to comfort me ? Why him and no one else ? My grip loosened a little and I get back away from him a little. I looked at him, into his eyes. They didn't seem as cold and stern that he usually shows, it seemed.. more worried, somehow. I blinked a few times before looking down once again.

''Ai-Aizawa..'' I mumbled. He jumped slightly and let out a ''hm ?'', I could feel his dark eyes staring at me. ''I- I was always a.. a b-big fan of yours.. once I knew i-it was you, Eraserhead, I..'' I gulped, and looked up at him once again. ''I-I really w-wanted you to.. to notice me, s-so I-I tried to do my best… so you could notice me, like All Might notices Izuku...'' I stopped once again, thinking, then continued. ''Th-The thing is.. I just f-feel like you're a dad figure to me, s-somehow… I n-never had any kind of affection from my dad and...'' I looked down once again. ''I just felt like… you were really there for me.. s-so, I wanted you to see me.. b-but now, I see that.. it's been in vain.''

I couldn't look at him, scared of the reaction he might have, the thing is, I didn't see at this moment, that everything clicked in his head. Every time I tried to get his affection, he knew it, he noticed it every time. He was at first confused of why I always wanted to know what he thought, always wanted to know how he does it, all was making sense now, and he felt bad for it. I felt arms surrounding me once again and my face suddenly met his shoulder, he was again, patting my head. ''Y/n, you are one of the best students in the class, I always had noticed you, you should never put you down like this.'' He said. I felt my eyes being wet once again, but this time, with pure joy.

''I don't know what's happening at your home, but I really hope it will get better soon. I'm always here if you want to talk.'' He said once again. ''I'll be here for you.'' I started to cry immediately at these words. The words I was waiting for so long to hear.

Now I understand. I understand why he does make me feel better, why it makes me feel like I'm finally protected and loved, not romantically, but just loved. It was because

He is like a dad to me.

[firstginger]

types of people: d&d races

aarakocra » snowcapped mountains, finding shapes in clouds, fashion conscious, meditation, wanting to see the world, good singing voice, family pictures, expensive jewelry, easily irritated, asking too many questions, molted feathers, flowing clothing, talking with hands

aasimar » prep school, questioning people’s intentions, champagne flutes, dream journals, shiny hair, passionate speeches, sunrises, always following rules, heeled boots, family heirlooms, sitting by the fireplace in winter, rose gold, never changes their mind, teacher’s pet

centaur » leather belts, wine tipsy, mediator, sitting around the campfire, silent treatment, hair in your face from the wind, family reunions, morning jogs, group texts, roasted nuts, never admitting they were wrong, old soul, lazy handwriting, rising with the sun

dragonborn » all or nothing, gold leafing, mesmerized by flames, rib bones, keeping your chin up, misty mornings, pocket full of spare change, painted faces, amulets, hot temper, banners in the wind, biting their tongue, horoscopes, autumn leaves, never letting them see you cry

dwarf » working with their hands, tapestries, messy hair, standing up for what’s right, brands in leather, gemstone jewelry, saving for a rainy day, mulled cider, dirt beneath fingernails, belly laughs, pine trees, pros and cons lists, not shaving, muddy boots by the door, oak furniture

elf » never responding to texts, cat naps, ballet shoes, sunlight on water, practicing until their fingers bleed, braided ponytails, quail eggs, tunnel vision, grass between toes, high expectations, photographic memory, starting an etsy store, bells on ribbons, cursive handwriting

fey » indie music, leather jackets, pranks, flirting to get their way, dragonfly wings, bath bombs, social chameleon, cutting corners, birds on telephone wires, karma, playing devil’s advocate, lipstick kisses, gumdrops, changing moods, pressed flowers, tattoo art, bright clothing

genasi » mood swings, head in the clouds, confident laughter, wild child, shelf of trophies, beat of their own drum, drive thrus, crazy schemes, finger guns, wife beaters, collectables, comebacks, sunglasses on indoors, slogans, bragging rights, cult classic movies, large headphones

giantkin » back of the classroom, gangly limbs, pulling petals from flowers, turtlenecks, feeling like they don’t belong, perfect grammar in texts, sentimental jewelry, loose buttons, skipping stones, saving love letters, passive aggression, bright eyes, staying in pajamas

gnome » cottagecore, flannel shirts, ceramic animals, exploring downtown stores, puns, neighborhood potlucks, honey, broad-brimmed hats, burning tongue on tea, backyard gardens, knitting needles, talking quickly, optimism, finding humor in everything, playful nicknames

goblin » never without their friends, unconventional interests, loud voice, abandoned spaces, chewing nails, gullible comfortable clothing, being afraid to admit mistakes, creative insults, ride or die, untied shoes, ghost hunting, slow to anger but explodes, bruised knuckles

goliath » taking everything as a challenge, team sports, broken bones, competitions, tarnished metal, more sensitive than they seem, younger siblings, going to bed at 8:30, awkward silences, choking on pride, tight hugs, cobblestone pathways, biting off more than they can chew

halfling » card tricks, adventures, cheerleader friend, summer afternoons, following their heart, good luck charms, bursting into song, superstitions, finding the silver linings, keys and locks, day drinking, antique shopping, pretending they know the answer, good vibes only

human » jack of all trades, getting up when they fall, friendship bracelets, history nerd, believing in magic, natural leader, the sound of the city, band-aids on fingers, adventure stories, trying new restaurants, long daydreams, kiss and tell, sarcasm, the feeling of coming home

jackalwere » witty comebacks, chokers, work smarter not harder, feet up on the table, fair weather friend, back of movie theaters, honeyed words, taking challenges, pity parties, neon lights, trying anything once, studded necklaces, dog person, masquerade masks, black nails

kenku » has a vine reference for everything, caving to impulses, taking things apart, talking in circles, snack food, doesn’t read directions, all play and not work, snoozing their alarm, always reorganizing, surprise presents, board games, can’t drive, jumping from one topic to another

merfolk » watercolor paintings, collecting seashells, long nails, lips tasting like salt, the unknown, pounding heart, lace chokers, deep thoughts, wandering soul, sea foam in the wind, dancing alone, sunshowers, collection of lotions, fresh fruit, living one day at a time, strings of pearls

orc » shaving cuts, dropping anything for their friends, unable to sit still, drawing art and showing no one, beef jerky, brass instruments, stubborn as an ox, double knots, thinking too little of yourself, messy bedroom, tangled earbuds, able to nap anywhere, moving fast in relationships

tabaxi » reading wikipedia for fun, bedhead, short attention span, sleeping it off, bite marks, not finishing anything, logic puzzles, curling up with a blanket, sticker collection (but never using them), wallflower, library dates, clean bedsheets, only putting effort into their hobbies

tiefling » tarot cards, candles in the dark, never accepting help, replaced emotions with bad puns, pocket knives, bottling up feelings, long sidewalks, lilies, old books, gender? never heard of her, skull jewelry, ravens at dusk, traditional art, sleeping under a ton of blankets

tortle » restless soul, cozy apartments, potted succulents, handknit socks, packing a picnic lunch, thick skin, sunlight through curtains, collecting coffee mugs, subtle smiles, biting back laughter, watching the rain fall, lazy mornings, supportive texts, peeled oranges, finding a home

yuan-ti » chess pieces, choosing their words carefully, perfect posture, collection of pens, marble statues, formal clothing, paranormal skeptic, taking everything personally, ticking clocks, the taste of iron, eloquent words, leather-bound journals, reading the same book again

race / class

[thethousandyearwitch]

The Show Must Go On! - A Youtuber AU you didn’t want and didn’t need

Hisoka Morrow, italian Makeup Youtuber, enjoys his life in the comfort and occasional drama of his profession. But nothing brings more drama into his life than the eldest son of the Zoldyck fashion magazine empire.

Meanwhile, aspiring australian Twitch Streamer Gon Freecs forms a special bond to a Speedrunner commonly going by "Kil".

Chapter 2

FF.net link - AO3 link

Gon Freecs had started his twitch account mostly for fun. After he had saved enough of his money from summer jobs to afford a computer for himself, the young boy had discovered the vast world of video games, diving headfirst into whatever flash games or free steam games he could (Until Mito caved and gave him some redeemable online gift cards as a present). Pretty quickly he started making connections over some of those games, getting invited to discord groupchats, and developing friendships with people he’d frequently play with.

One Day, his friend Leorio, a medical student from France who Gon had met through one of those groupchats, asked if he wanted to join his Sunday Stream. He explained that they’d just team up for a couple of rounds of Fortnite, and Gon could leave whenever he wanted to if he ended up not liking the Twitch experience. Leorio did not admit to the fact that he only asked Gon because his usual partner bailed due to a bad hangover, and he himself was too hungover to manage a stream by himself. This resulted in a lively evening filled with banter, excited yelling, and only minor technical difficulties considering Gons location further out in the country. Leorio ended the stream, thanking his viewers, signing off, but he stayed on call with Gon.

“Thanks so much for jumping in today, I owe you!” His French accent wasn’t too thick, but it still curled around his words.  

“Its no problem! It was actually pretty fun, so if you ever need another stream-pal...” The young boy trailed off as he started to feel faint traces of sleepiness creeping up on him. His computer screen was the only light on in the room, and it wasn’t exactly gentle on his eyes.

“About that actually; Have you thought about trying to stream for yourself?”

“Huh?” Gon could hear the tell-tale creaking of Leorios chair as he reclined back. “I mean, you’ve definitely got the energy for it, you’re not half bad at playing video games; Though that’s not really a requirement...Point is, I think you’d have fun with it.” Gon let the thought of it roll around his mind like a marble. He did have a lot of fun livestreaming this once, and there wasn’t anything that exactly spoke against it, except maybe that his sleep schedule could suffer under it. But that may as well be expected of a boy his age.

“Do you think people would really come to watch me play video games?” He finally asked, voice lined more with curiosity rather than insecurity. “Are you kidding? My chat loved you! Everyone loves a cute kid whose always one victory royale away from changing his legal name into his gamer tag and develop an addiction to monster energy.” Gon giggled in reply, “I’m not even allowed to drink those.” “Thank God you aren’t, if you had any more energy than you already have, you’d probably explode on the spot. Those things are loaded with junk anyways.” Gon decided not to bring up the infamous Redbull-pyramid that always lingered in the corner of Leorios videos. He could always use that another time if Leorio tried to lecture him about healthy living habits.

“Well, I guess I could try it out this week…But I think I’d need a guide to help me set the whole thing up…” Gon grinned to himself, hearing the familiar creaking again as Leorio sat up straight on the other end.

“I mean, I did say I owe you, and who would I be to leave a kid struggling with modern technology. And since my chat seemed to love you, I may even host your first stream, get you some exposure, y’know?” Mission success, Gon fed into Leorios ego and ensured that he wouldn’t have to struggle with stream setup by himself. He was quite thankful for the older mans (by stretch of that word) help and friendship, almost like an older brother, switching between caring protectiveness and friendly torment.

“Now, isn’t it time for you to get some shut-eye?” Busted. Gon glanced at the clock in the corner of his screen, 12:13 am. They said their Goodbyes, and the young boy settled into bed almost as quickly as he fell asleep.

The coming week, as promised, Leorio had helped Gon figure out his stream setup, settling for his channel name ‘Foxbeargaming’. With each passing day and conversation about the topic, Gon felt the static inside him build up, excitement and anticipation mixing in his bloodstream, until that long-awaited Friday.

And it was worth that wait. Gon spend a good 3 hours that day streaming Fortnite, at first in Teams with Leorio and his usual stream-pal Zepile, and later a few single matches. He hadn’t even realized how easy it came to him to interact with chat, leisurely talking about what came to mind, joking about events in the game, and just basking in this new way of releasing his bubbly energy. Leorio had warned him that he may feel exhausted after the first stream, but that’s not at all what the young boy experienced; After turning everything off, he was still beaming with joy. When he nestled into bed, he curled to his side, trying to repress his smile, though it would still take a good hour before he had calmed down enough to drift to sleep.

That joy he had experienced was enough to drive him to continue to stream at least once every 5 days, not consistent enough to build a schedule, but often enough to slowly gather a fanbase, loyal viewers who started tuning in whenever he announced a stream. It took a couple of months before people started posting his stream highlights to YouTube, and after that only a few weeks before someone offered to do official edits for him, on his own YouTube channel. A YouTube channel ended up drawing even more attention to him, people in Twitch-chat mentioning they found him through compilations and highlights.

Of the people whose attention was caught by the bright faced boy, one appeared for the first time in chat while he was streaming Super Mario 64, a palate cleanser from his usual Fortnite streams. The first message had been inconspicuous enough, provoking, but not too much out of the ordinary.

“KilCat666: try a BLJ lol”  

This however prompted Gon's entire chat to egg him on to try various speedrun tactics, until the rest of the stream was spent attempting (and failing) a “Lobby Backwards Long Jump”. Gon took it well and promised chat that if they wanted to he’d try to practice again on the next stream, asking for tips in his Discord chat. Speedrunning wasn’t really his way of playing games, he was too impatient and would rather experience the game as intended, but it shook things up, and was a surprisingly great way to regain focus after playing a different game for too long. Soon enough, the Server started bubbling with tutorials, tips, and heated discussions about optimal routes. Gon read through the chat, enjoying how everyone seemed to get into the topic, while also mourning his dwindling attention span as more and more messages came in. With the overflow of information, his brain felt like it was thrown into a deep fryer (Though maybe he was just hungry). Defeated, he dropped his head on his desk. Maybe he bit off more than he could chew. How was he supposed to take all this information in and actually learn it in time for the next stream? This was worse than school. Maybe he should ju-

Bloop.

Gon raised his head from his desk, greeted by a new private message. It wasn’t anyone from his friends-list, but that wasn’t too unusual, a lot of people from his Server would DM him, and he didn’t mind talking with anyone who had something to say to him.

“Kil: Yo.”

“Kil: do you need like help with SM64 lol”

The young boy adjusted his tired eyes to the screen, trying to find recognition into the profile picture of a white cat, but not finding it.

“GON: Hi!! :^D I’m taking tips right now if you have any!”

“Kil: your inputs were really sloppy lol”

Ouch, though true.

“Kil: but you’ve got morale at least”

“Kil: I made a short guide on my channel, if u wanna check it out?”

Attached to the last message was a link to a YouTube video, and just as announced, it was a eight minute tutorial on “LBLJ”, with text overlay explaining the various steps. What stood out more to Gon however, was the view and subscriber count to the Channel ‘Kilcat666’. After scrolling through the channel a bit more, and following another link to an adjacent Twitch channel with the same name, it dawned on him; This guy was a pro.

“GON: WOW :^O you are really good at this!!!!”

For a while, Gon thought that’s it. He browsed through a couple more of this kid’s videos. He was usually just referred to as ‘Kil’ or in rare instances ‘Killu’, and there wasn’t much on him as a person, just a short bio: “Kil, 14, him/his, Yorkshire area. SM64 0 Star contender.”. His streams of attempting to break the World record for any given game got a reasonable amount of viewers, with a steady fanbase that would spam inside jokes and cat emojis in chat. And in no single video did he ever show his face, or even speak. The only real communication he seemed to do with his audience was the occasional answer in chat, or text-overlays in his YouTube videos. Gon thought about how he was a little honoured to have another well known streamer actually give him advice and watch his stuff, though obviously it seemed that Kil wasn’t interested in keeping more in conta-

Bloop.

“Kil: Thanks uh, if you’d want to, we could like make a deal?”

“GON: What kind of deal? :^O”

“Kil: I could show you some tricks for casual speedrunning”

“Kil: And maybe if you want to you could show me how to get better at fortnite lol”

Gon was beaming. He wasn’t sure why, but he was grinning from ear to ear, and it didn’t even register to himself that he was already typing up a response until he hit the enter button.

“GON: Sure!!!!!! :^D!!!! Have you ever played before? We can team up with a friend of mine for the first couple rounds!”

  Killua was never a child with many friends. Or any friends. Growing up sheltered by his family, with the mindset of one day inheriting a multimillion-dollar company, it was taught to him that acquaintances were convenient, friends were distractions.

When he got pulled out of school and put into home-schooling, it was because his friends at school were distractions.

When he snuck out to play with other kids in the country, he was placed on supervised house arrest, because he had been too distracted.

When he noticed his brother appearing in some weirdos YouTube video, he had to be told “That man is not my friend, he is a work associate.”

And like a drop of water can gradually tear through stone, the constant echoing of this rule tore through Killuas head. He still didn’t want to overtake the family legacy, but he knew better than to endanger others with his efforts of finding friendship. Instead, he decided to find solitary distractions, and found those in video games he first borrowed (or rather, took without being noticed) from his older brother. Gradually, he got more and more invested in video games, how they work, and the cultures surrounding them. That is how he found out about Speedrunning and streaming. Speedrunning was fascinating to the young boy. The effort to clear a game as fast as possible, faster than anyone else, past all supposed limitations a game would present casual players with. Specific tricks would look messy and incoherent to untrained eyes, but the hidden inputs were mechanical and exact. This is a distraction worth investing in.

At first, he didn’t care much about streaming or even recording his attempts. However, as he was slowly approaching Regional and World Records, there was hardly a way around it if he wanted to get verified records published. So, he started a Twitch Account, opting to go for his shortened name “Kil”, a half-assed attempt at keeping his family off of his tail. And as his collection of Top-3 Records grew, so did his audience when he was streaming attempts. When he got used enough to a game, he learned how to read chat while playing, even occasionally taking the time to answer questions, followed by a wave of excited cat emotes.

These are not friends, they are fans.

If he could continue to justify this, keep these people at a distance from him, it would be fine. Minimal interaction. No attachment. Easy enough.

It should have been easy enough.

But when he went through active play sessions of Super Mario 64 on Twitch, and he chose to tune into the first stream that popped up, it stopped being easy. It stopped being easy when he found himself laughing along with the cheery voice of the young streamer.

He wasn’t sure what he expected when he sent that first discord message. A small part of him hoped that this Gon kid wouldn’t reply. That way he could have just written him off as some vain lowtier streamer who isn’t worth Killuas time.

But of course he replied. And of course he would reply so kindly despite being contacted by a random stranger. Killua could feel something pull in his chest writing back and forth with Gon. This was just friendly- no. This was normal banter between two streamers who were exchanging helpful information. Two young, up-and-coming professionals in video game streaming, who can communicate like professionals.

Like work associates.

Work associates help each other out. They make deals. So, it would be okay if Killua would make a deal with Gon. Maybe get to know him in the progress, just a little, just enough to get a sense of his personality.

The pull in Killuas chest subsided when Gon agreed to his deal. But it would come back the first time they were on a call together, the first time Killua let someone else online hear his voice, hushed through a shitty in-ear cable headset, careful that he wouldn’t draw attention if someone were to walk past his room. And it subsided again when he heard Gon laugh at every bad joke he’d tell, loosened even more when he let himself laugh with him. Gon would try his best to follow any instructions he’d been given to learn speedrun strategies, and in turn Killua would let himself be guided through fortnite battles and aim-lessons. They worked well together, as if they had known each other for years, falling into a natural rhythm of jokes and casual conversation. This rhythm would continue for weeks, always coordinating when to call, taking turns with the games they would play.

Slowly, they started branching out to more games to play with each other. Slowly, Gon introduced Killua to his friends. Slowly, Killua got used to speaking on stream, just so Gon and he could guest-star on each other’s streams.

Through this gradual process, Killua felt like he was trapped in a pot of water, and the heat was being turned up just slow enough that he wouldn’t notice until its too late. Until the pull in his chest would threaten to tear him apart.

And then it did, as his mother raised her voice at the breakfast table, “You’ve been spending an awful lot of time on your Computer, Killua.”

“So is Milluki.” He tried to keep his voice unwavering, desperately trying to keep all of these gathered secrets behind it.

“We are just concerned of what you are doing on there; The internet has a lot of dangerous sides..” Kikyo Zoldyck was awfully good at turning her voice into a wail at any given time. Killua could feel his phone in his pocket vibrate from what he was sure was a message from Gon.

“..Maybe we should put some restriction on your use of it. Before it can start distracting you.”

[eviestrol]

Synastry Ship - mndmdchn

hello~ i hope i'm not too late request a synastry ship! i saw you had one more left so i thought why not try my luck. I was thinking hard abt who i wanted a synastry reading with but i've settled for jisung from stray kids for now! if i am too late for the request then i'm sorry you can just ignore me:) love your blog and stay healthy!!

@mndmdchn Thanks for requesting!!

Pros

Conjunction Sun - Lunar node: A strong bond exists between you. This relationship is always moving forward and you bring out the best in each other. Jisung will feel drawn towards you because he feels that there is a future he could have with you.

Trine Moon - Mercury: You are able to talk about anything and everything without feeling self-conscious. You’ll find yourself talking all night. You feel that you really understand each other and feel at home. You feel at ease right from the beginning.

Conjunction Moon - Jupiter: You evoke joy, hope, goodwill, and a sense of adventure in each other. So much so that you could also be easily induced to overdo and overextend yourselves in various ways. You are likely to stimulate a wealth of feelings in each other and a generally open-minded attitude. You probably want the good life and all that it implies for you. As a team, you can be a beacon of encouragement, hope, and positive influence wherever you go. Your most important lesson is balance and wise choices that not only enhance joy but also maintain a level of stability. The natural positive energy between you can provide endless resources and options when times get tough.

Trine Mercury - Saturn: He helps you plan your life and give form and structure to your ideas. He knows how to advise you to help improve your life. You are able to solve problems in your relationship through careful and logical communication. Your conversations may be dry or overly serious at times, however.

Trine Mercury - Neptune: Jisung adds color to your life and inspires you. You share a similar appreciation for the arts and enjoy talking about artistic and spiritual topics. This is an aspect that indicates an ability to finish each other’s sentences.

Conjunction Venus - Jupiter: You genuinely care for each other and this relationship is filled with happiness and laughter. Often this aspect brings the same view on politics and religious issues. Mutual admiration of each other binds you in a loving relationship as you grow and prosper together.

Conjunction Mars - Pluto: Strong sexual attraction. There is an abundance of passion and intensity within the relationship that may be expressed healthily through sex. You feel more comfortable with your sexuality and primal urges and he may feel intimidated by this. He may turn to manipulation in order to feel like he has some control over the relationship. This aspect may bring out some competitiveness in you. You’re very protective of one another. Your actions and feelings are extreme. Any fights you have will be dramatic.

Conjunction Jupiter - Saturn: You can achieve a lot together. This is especially good for business relationships. You bring the overall plan and he works out the practical details. This combination represents the ability to bring visions and hopes into reality. Any shared goals and joint projects will be successful.

Cons

Opposition Moon - Pluto: Power struggles. Very intense feelings so the fear of losing each other is very prominent which leads to jealousy and possessiveness. You generate a lot of intense emotions in each other and this can be very overwhelming at times. He can be overly controlling and manipulative at times.

Opposition Venus - Pluto: Another aspect that could bring a power struggle. You will definitely experience issues with possessiveness and jealousy. Your relationship is intense and is not to be taken lightly. He wants to have the upper hand in the relationship. There is an intense fear of losing each other so jealous and manipulative behavior occurs easily. Try to avoid controlling behavior and being possessive of each other.

Opposition Jupiter - Pluto: You have different opinions on morality, ethics, religion, and spirituality. You actively challenge his views. You both have valid points of view when looking from your vantage points. Recognizing this point is the first step toward the awareness you seek and the fulfillment of the promise that brought you together.

Opposition Saturn - Pluto: You feel a need for security and you project these needs onto him, holding him personally responsible when you feel vulnerable. His pluto has a tendency to let out his emotions on you no matter how hurtful. He allows his emotions to get all pent up and he explodes on you. As time goes on you may forget what it was that even attracted you to each other in the first place.

I hope you like it! Feel free to request again at any time~

[multimentium]

𝒕𝒚𝒑𝒆𝒔  𝒐𝒇  𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆  :  𝒅𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒐𝒏𝒔  𝒂𝒏𝒅  𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒔  𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒆𝒔

adapted  from  this post  !   bold  what definitely applies  to  your  muse. italicize what somewhat applies  to  your  muse. repost  ;  do  NOT  reblog.

𝓪𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓴𝓸𝓬𝓻𝓪 » snowcapped mountains, finding shapes in clouds, fashion conscious, meditation, wanting to see the world, good singing voice, family pictures, expensive jewelry, easily irritated, asking too many questions, molted feathers, flowing clothing, talking with hands

𝓪𝓪𝓼𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓻 » prep school, questioning people’s intentions, champagne flutes, dream journals, shiny hair, passionate speeches, sunrises, always following rules, heeled boots, family heirlooms, sitting by the fireplace in winter, rose gold, never changes their mind, teacher’s pet

𝓬𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓪𝓾𝓻 » leather belts, wine tipsy, mediator, sitting around the campfire, silent treatment, hair in your face from the wind, family reunions, morning jogs, group texts, roasted nuts, never admitting they were wrong, old soul, lazy handwriting, rising with the sun

𝓭𝓻𝓪𝓰𝓸𝓷𝓫𝓸𝓻𝓷 » all or nothing, gold leafing, mesmerized by flames, rib bones, keeping your chin up, misty mornings, pocket full of spare change, painted faces, amulets, hot temper, banners in the wind, biting their tongue, horoscopes, autumn leaves, never letting them see you cry

𝓭𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓯 » working with their hands, tapestries, messy hair, standing up for what’s right, brands in leather, gemstone jewelry, saving for a rainy day, mulled cider, dirt beneath fingernails, belly laughs, pine trees, pros and cons lists, not shaving, muddy boots by the door, oak furniture

𝓮𝓵𝓯 » never responding to texts, cat naps, ballet shoes, sunlight on water, practicing until their fingers bleed, braided ponytails, quail eggs, tunnel vision, grass between toes, high expectations, photographic memory, starting an etsy store, bells on ribbons, cursive handwriting

𝓯𝓮𝔂 » indie music, leather jackets, pranks, flirting to get their way, dragonfly wings, bath bombs, social chameleon, cutting corners, birds on telephone wires, karma, playing devil’s advocate, lipstick kisses, gumdrops, changing moods, pressed flowers, tattoo art, bright clothing

𝓰𝓮𝓷𝓪𝓼𝓲 » mood swings, head in the clouds, confident laughter, wild child, shelf of trophies, beat of their own drum, drive thrus, crazy schemes, finger guns, wife beaters, collectables, comebacks, sunglasses on indoors, slogans, bragging rights, cult classic movies, large headphones

𝓰𝓲𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓴𝓲𝓷 » back of the classroom, gangly limbs, pulling petals from flowers, turtlenecks, feeling like they don’t belong, perfect grammar in texts, sentimental jewelry, loose buttons, skipping stones, saving love letters, passive aggression, bright eyes, staying in pajamas

𝓰𝓷𝓸𝓶𝓮 » cottagecore, flannel shirts, ceramic animals, exploring downtown stores, puns, neighborhood potlucks, honey, broad-brimmed hats, burning tongue on tea, backyard gardens, knitting needles, talking quickly, optimism, finding humor in everything, playful nicknames

𝓰𝓸𝓫𝓵𝓲𝓷 » never without their friends, unconventional interests, loud voice, abandoned spaces, chewing nails, gullible, comfortable clothing, being afraid to admit mistakes, creative insults, ride or die, untied shoes, ghost hunting, slow to anger but explodes, bruised knuckles

𝓰𝓸𝓵𝓲𝓪𝓽𝓱 » taking everything as a challenge, team sports, broken bones, competitions, tarnished metal, more sensitive than they seem, younger siblings, going to bed at 8:30, awkward silences, choking on pride, tight hugs, cobblestone pathways, biting off more than they can chew

𝓱𝓪𝓵𝓯𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰 » card tricks, adventures, cheerleader friend, summer afternoons, following their heart, good luck charms, bursting into song, superstitions, finding the silver linings, keys and locks, day drinking, antique shopping, pretending they know the answer, good vibes only

𝓱𝓾𝓶𝓪𝓷 » jack of all trades, getting up when they fall, friendship bracelets, history nerd, believing in magic, natural leader, the sound of the city, band-aids on fingers, adventure stories, trying new restaurants, long daydreams, kiss and tell, sarcasm, the feeling of coming home

𝓳𝓪𝓬𝓴𝓪𝓵𝔀𝓮𝓻𝓮 » witty comebacks, chokers, work smarter not harder, feet up on the table, fair weather friend, back of movie theaters, honeyed words, taking challenges, pity parties, neon lights, trying anything once, studded necklaces, dog person, masquerade masks, black nails

𝓴𝓮𝓷𝓴𝓾 » has a vine reference for everything, caving to impulses, taking things apart, talking in circles, snack food, doesn’t read directions, all play and not work, snoozing their alarm, always reorganizing, surprise presents, board games, can’t drive, jumping from one topic to another

𝓶𝓮𝓻𝓯𝓸𝓵𝓴 » watercolor paintings, collecting seashells, long nails, lips tasting like salt, the unknown, pounding heart, lace chokers, deep thoughts, wandering soul, sea foam in the wind, dancing alone, sun showers, collection of lotions, fresh fruit, living one day at a time, strings of pearls

𝓸𝓻𝓬 » shaved cuts, dropping anything for their friends, unable to sit still, drawing art and showing no one, beef jerky, brass instruments, stubborn as an ox, double knots, thinking too little of yourself, messy bedroom, tangled earbuds, able to nap anywhere, moving fast in relationships

𝓽𝓪𝓫𝓪𝔁𝓲 » reading wikipedia for fun, bedhead, short attention span, sleeping it off, bite marks, not finishing anything, logic puzzles, curling up with a blanket, sticker collection (but never using them), wallflower, library dates, clean bedsheets, only putting effort into their hobbies

𝓽𝓲𝓮𝓯𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰 » tarot cards, candles in the dark, never accepting help, replaced emotions with bad puns, pocket knives, bottling up feelings, long sidewalks, lilies, old books, gender? never heard of her, skull jewelry, ravens at dusk, traditional art, sleeping under a ton of blankets

𝓽𝓸𝓻𝓽𝓵𝓮 » restless soul, cozy apartments, potted succulents, handknit socks, packing a picnic lunch, thick skin, sunlight through curtains, collecting coffee mugs, subtle smiles, biting back laughter, watching the rain fall, lazy mornings, supportive texts, peeled oranges, finding a home

𝔂𝓾𝓪𝓷-𝓽𝓲 » chess pieces, choosing their words carefully, perfect posture, collection of pens, marble statues, formal clothing, paranormal skeptic, taking everything personally, ticking clocks, the taste of iron, eloquent words, leather-bound journals, reading the same book again

Tagged by: @seaprofound​ ( ty boo !! ) Tagging: @wandofwillow​ / @wanderingwolfwitcher​ / @vandbaerer​ / @xchxsingcxrsx​ / @vezely​ / @xqueenofscots​ / @warhornofgondor​

[amyscascadingtabs]

Creator Tag Meme 2019

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2019. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

i was tagged in this by the lovely @b99peraltiago and @exploding-snapple ❤️

choices below the cut, for fairly long motivations + favorite quotes

✨i’ll walk through hell with you

i know this isn’t finished yet (three chapters to go), but i started writing it in august and of all the things i’ve written in 2019 (or ever), i think this is the one i’m proudest of. it’s weird, because it’s very far from the one that’s got most attention, and i knew when i started writing it that a multi-chapter, partly angsty fic about secondary infertility would not be everyone’s cup of tea; i just couldn’t let go of the idea anyway. and i love this one so dearly, i love getting to experience amy’s emotions in this way, all while bringing up this - sort of stigmatized - topic and mixing it with a dose of family fluff. i love this fic deeply and if you haven’t read it yet i do encourage you to give it a try because i genuinely think it’s really good 💞

a favorite quote; She doesn’t feel brave or beautiful, doesn’t recognize even a shadow of a stubborn fighter in the reflection staring back at her. The only thing she sees is sheer exhaustion, a person tired of fighting for control over the uncontrollable, and it’s a haunting image nowhere close to how she’s used to seeing herself. She throws on an oversized NYPD sweatshirt and closes the wardrobe door in a swift moment before she can stare any longer, but it’s too late - the sight is etched on her memory, and the silent tears take several minutes to stop falling.

There’s no beauty in this process. If there was, surely she wouldn’t be feeling this way.

✨the missing pieces of my heart, they finally collide

sockfic!!!! one of my three post-casecation fics.. but by far the longest and the one i like most. this nearly 6k long piece delves into jake’s fears of fatherhood and how he learns to deal with them in a closer way that was a delight to write. this was the perfect distraction and relaxation during a stressful period otherwise mostly signified by exam stress while i tried to graduate high school, and i will never forget the breakdown i had in a H&M when i actually found the socks i’m writing about in the fic, heheh. there’s also some very nice repetition in here that connects the three sections quite beautifully if i may say so myself, and the last scene is one i can reread many times over just for the image of it.

a favorite quote; “I can take her," he offers, and Amy gently transfers the girl back, helping him hold her so that her chin rests on his shoulder.

“You look like such a dad.” Amy laughs. “It’s a good look on you.”

“I am a dad," he corrects her, and she smiles wide.

✨julian santiago and the case of the sister’s mystery boyfriend

i wrote this for the summer fic exchange, and i feared i wouldn’t be able to finish it, but i did and i’m quite proud of the result! the idea was such a creative one - thank you @397bartonstreet!!! - and lead me to try my very first attempt, outside of peraltiago kids, to write about an original character. i’ve always been really scared of that and i don’t think i’m very good at it, but i must say that julian santiago is one of my best achievements there, haha. i love him, i loved describing peraltiago from the perspective of someone who knows amy but not jake, and i actually fell so much in love with julian that he made a comeback in i’ll walk through hell with you. (you didn’t hear this from me, but it might not be his last)

a favorite quote; “Sure”, Julian grins. “I know you just want to keep it a secret from mom and dad, that’s fine, but you can tell me.”

“Jake and I aren’t dating!” She’s wheezing her words, looking anxiously around her before lowering her voice further. “We’re not. We’re really not.”

“But you’re… something?”

“He has a girlfriend, Julian.”

“Ohh…” He contemplates this confession, the cogwheels in his brain working and immediately jumping to the next guess. Except she wouldn’t. His sister wouldn’t. Or would she?

“Are you, uh -”, he whispers, “are you the other woman? ”

“JULIAN!”

✨you’re all that i’ve been yearning for

yet another highly special idea that came to me with a feeling that i just had to write it! it’s a companion piece to the labor fic i wrote in 2018, but from amy’s perspective, and i think it’s pretty interesting. in case you haven’t guessed this already, i have a bit of a special interest in everything pregnancy/childbirth/babies/fertility so i’m pretty well read on it, and i’m also a person who’s VERY pro pain relief, so i guess this is a bit of a testament to that, hahah?? someone once told me this made them feel better about taking painkillers so who’s to say i don’t do anyone a service with my fic writing! anyway - loved writing this and am a huge fan of how it turned out.

a favorite quote; “Okay,” she breathes when the pain subsides. “You know what? I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

“I am convinced you could do anything,” he corrects her. “But the point is you don’t have to. You could get that sweet, sweet pain relief, learn all about what it’s like to be on drugs, get some proper rest before you literally push a human out of you.”

“That does sound nice. I mean, not the last part, but the other points you made.”

“Seriously, Ames. You’ve been doing amazing,” he says with a kiss to her forehead. “But this is hard, and maybe it’s harder than you thought it would be. No one is going to judge you if you need some help or a bit of a break. You’re still going to have done it.”

✨you can hear it in the silence

this never got much attention, but i wrote it in reaction to a very sweet tumblr post that made me picture jake and amy, and i like it a lot. i don’t write a lot of early relationship, but writing about jake’s insecurities and how he’s nervous to admit how much he’s falling for her while also displaying a bit of their early dynamic was fun. i’m proud of this and have been thinking of a companion piece, but i never seem to get around to it for some reason. 

a favorite quote;  She’s keeping her eyes on the road, but he thinks he can spot a content smirk on her lips. He watches her drive with all the skilfulness and patience it takes to manage driving in the dark, and the regret of not having kept his eyes open for more of this drive washes over him; she looks unfairly gorgeous like this. Even in the semidarkness of the car, his trained detective eyes note the way her lips purse when she focuses, the subtle movements of her wrists on the steering wheel when she adjusts the car so they’re driving perfectly straight. Every minuscule movement she makes, every little detail and quirk he notices about her, leaves him in absolute awe. He’s secretly happy she’s too uncompromising a driver to look away long enough to meet his near-hypnotized gaze. 

honorable mention to moving through this world as a two-man team, who isn’t necessarily one of my personal faves but is the one of my fics who’s gotten most notes on here; i think 400+, which is just, WOW. 

adele tagged almost everyone, but i would like to encourage the lovely @johnny-and-dora, @amydancepants-peralta, @vic-kovac, @gilleboll and @fezzle to do some not-so-humble bragging about their fabulous work :)