#exreligious

[exvangelicalrage]

I Might Be Wrong

5/31/23

christians use the word "faith" a lot. It's one of the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Unfortunately, I have that list memorized. 

I lived by the fruits of the spirit as a teenager. There were a lot of rules given by the church about who I should be, but fewer rules in the bible, at least ones that made sense. But this was a list I could get behind: character traits I could work on developing that would make me both a good candidate for heaven, and a good wife and mother. 

Gross.

Anyway, in a recent interview I gave, the interviewer asked me to explain my current theological stance, since I had identified myself as an exvangelical. I explained that I prefer "agnostic," although it certainly wouldn't offend me if someone called me atheist. And when he asked me why I had chosen agnostic over atheist, I found myself surprised by my own response. I said something along the lines of, "Well, if you think about it, atheism requires just as much faith as christianity. christians must have unshakeable faith that god exists; atheists have to have just as much faith that god doesn't exist. Neither is provable." 

And then I said, to my own surprise: "Ultimately, I just try to stay as far away from faith as possible."

I was surprised because of how true it was.

If I can't have faith in god, I also can't have faith in no god.

Do I think the christian god exists? Obviously not. But atheism requires the belief that "No god exists," which is also something I can't confidently commit to. Especially when you look at the broad expanse of the word "god." It's been used in so many ways over the millennia. Even the bible says, "you shall have no other gods before me" which implies the presence of other gods—and whether they are actual or made up or metaphorical doesn't really matter. It still falls under the definition of "god." Not to mention, plenty of people use the term "god" to mean something like "universal consciousness" which... isn't impossible, as far as I can see. 

You know how they say that the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference? I think the same is true of christianity. The opposite of christianity is not atheism—it's agnosticism.

Ask a christian how they know their god is the True god, as opposed to, for example, Allah or Zeus or Ra, and inevitably they will get around to saying, "I have faith."

Cool. 

I don't. 

I don't have faith. 

That is not a thing I have. 

And I never will have it—not in the christian god, not in the muslim god, not in any of the myriad gods who have risen and fallen throughout history. Nor even in the lack of god. I don't even have faith in physics! Damn physicists keep changing our understanding of the foundational framework of the universe! It's great, don't get me wrong. But definitely worth holding onto a little disbelief, even in things that are supposedly True.

After I said I stayed as far away from faith as possible, the interviewer then said to me, "Well, you must have some faith in something. How else do you ride in airplanes?"

But the thing is, I don't need faith to ride in airplanes. I have my understanding of physics. I have the evidence of mine own eyes. I have a mind that I can use to understand to the best of my ability. It's not perfect. But it is better than nothing, which is all christianity has.

You could make the argument that I must have faith in something, because that's just what it means to be human, and I can't know everything about everything all the time. I wouldn't disagree with you. 

I also wouldn't agree. 

I'd stay solidly somewhere in the bounds of "maybe."

Perhaps some version of faith in something is an inevitable part of life. 

But I definitely don't have to have blind faith. I don't have to have stupid faith. I don't have to have immoral faith.

I do not have to have faith in a god who never deigned to honor me with his presence, nor logic, nor reason, nor answers. 

I do not have to have faith in a god who in one moment condemns entire cities to death, and in the next professes his profound love for humans.

I do not have to have faith in a god who lets children die for no fucking reason, and forces women to bear the children of their rapists, and who would chop a woman into pieces because of the sins of men. 

Who would command a man to kill a child to prove his "faith."

I do not have to have faith. Faith is taught, learned. And it can be unlearned. 

Ultimately, I may never be able to fully reject every modicum of faith. But this isn't about having a black and white answer. It's about an approach to life. Anytime I stumble across a bubble of faith hiding away somewhere in my brain, I beat it with a stick (aka knowledge), until either it disintegrates, or turns into a fuzzy cloud of "I don't know and that's okay."

It's okay to not know. It's okay to be wrong. But I don't have to give in to faith either. Instead, I can accept the gray area. I don't need faith. I simply need to be willing to continually learn, and willing to admit that I might be wrong.

"This is a question I do not have an answer for," I will say. "But I have made this choice anyway. I might be wrong. But it's okay."

[heyftinally]

On the topic of "Sin"...

Because apparently I feel like risking the wrath of internet xtians who can't respect boundaries or read big flaming "you aren't welcome here, fuck off" signs - which is what this is. If you're here to scream, cry, fight, or proselytize at me, fuck off.

I find it interesting how frequently people (*cough* feral jesus fans *cough*) want to scream and cry about sin, call me a sinner damned to hell, etc etc, and yet none of them seem to have spent five seconds actually considering what this supposed concept of sin actually represents.

Let's start off with the obvious: sin is a concept that exists within the belief of christianity. By definition, it doesn't apply to me, because I'm not a christian. That's like saying I should pray - pray to what? Your religion is not (nor should be) universal. Therefore you can not (and should not) apply your own religious beliefs to other people, especially those of a different belief system. Got that? Good. Moving on.

"Sin" as a concept is basically, supposedly, supposed to dictate bad things, right? Things you're not supposed to do, things that are immoral, etc. Murder, stealing, etc. Yes? Can we all agree on that?

Okay, so for the sake of taking a non-religious, objective look at the concept of "list of bad things you shouldn't do", let's use to term morals, since that's what you're *actually* saying when you start telling someone something is a "sin" - you're telling them you, based on your religion, believe something to be immoral.

Morality is usually associated with not doing harm to other/not being an asshole. If you went to your coworker's house and stole their antique vase, that would be a shitty thing to do, so we say don't steal. Murdering your boss because he pissed you off is shitty, so we say don't murder people. We also generally agree on things like not abusing people (especially children - yes, this is pointed), not lying, etc. Yes, there's nuance, but as a blanket oversimplification, let's go with it.

So. If we considering morality to mean, more or less, not intentionally causing harm or being an asshole, let's go back to this idea of accusing people of being immoral sinners.

If I walked up to you and said "your religion makes you an immoral piece of shit, and you deserve to be tortured for all eternity for believing such stupid crap", that would be shitty, right?

That's what christians are doing every time they tell some random person they're a "sinner". You're not being "godly", you're being a self absorbed asshole who thinks they're entitled to call me immoral for existing in the most hateful way you can come up with. Is that moral?

If it's not moral for me to do it to you, it's not moral for you to do to someone else. You don't get to play "rules for thee, but not for me".

You don't get to accuse others of living immorally based solely on your (biased, often bigoted) beliefs, then use that as a free pass to act objectively immorally.

Xtians need to do better. You get what you give, and respect is included in that.

[sinful-skeptic]

This blog is a space for apostates/ex-religious, self-proclaimed heretics/heathens, secular/irreligious celibates, and atheists/antitheists.

With this blog, i post and reblog topics related to severing my ties with god and religion.

Growing up religious, I was taught that my purpose is to get married, have sex, reproduce, and increase the population of believers, which i reject.

I’m on a journey to find meaning through philosophy and celibacy, without needing to depend on relationships and religion to have purpose in life.

[positivelyatheist]

✨Welcome✨

You may call me Posi or PositivelyAtheist. I use any pronouns. As this blog name might suggest, I seek to promote positivity and curiosity in the Atheist Community on Tumblr. This is not a debate blog.

⭐️ What is an Atheist? ⭐️ My Journey ⭐️ Recommended Reading ⭐️ To People Who Want Religion Banned

I will be opening my Ask box soon! Please ask if you can vent before sending in a vent. If you do not want your ask to be made public, let me know. I am not a therapist. I can offer peer support and opinions.

Anti-LGBTQ+ bigotry, TERFs, and eugenicists are NOT tolerated here.

[cityweekend]

scrolling through the exmuslim tag is so fucking depressing lol whole place has been overtaken by t*rfs

[intertexts-moving]

i need to catch up on campaign skyjacks so fucking bad oh my gd

[bbeelzemon]

having an immeasurably deep one on one personal conversation with someone you love is the closest we can get to god

[mouse-of-dimitrescu]

I think at the end of this very long day, all anyone wants is to be lifted — unconditionally. We may have lost all hope, killed a bird or even each other, but in the process, we all hanker for this everlasting safety, a pair of hands that will keep us in their enclosure. We want to be saved by someone who doesn't expect us to molochise

[starseverance]

ExReligious Selfshippers!

Your F/O knows that leaving a religion can leave you without a feeling of connection. They know that you can't just forget about everything you were taught overnight.

Through any feelings of confusion or fear, your F/O will be there. Even if they haven't experienced the same things themselves, they want to listen and understand how you feel. They won't judge you if you tell them that you miss it sometimes, or that some of its aspects still carry over to your present life in ways you don't mind.

You may have been told that certain parts of yourself are wrong, or that you must adhere to certain rules, but your F/O thinks you're amazing just the way you are. Your F/O loves you for who you are, and for who you want to become.

Because it's your choice who you want to be, really. You can be a good person with or without religion. Your F/O thinks that you already are. You can have community, and connection, and love, regardless of your faith, or if you have faith in anything at all.

Religion aside, your F/O has faith in you.

As requested by Anon <3

[exvangelicalrage]

Sin Is Fake

6/5/23

I realized something this week. Which is that I don't believe in sin. Obviously, I don't believe in a lot of things, including god, christianity, and literally anything, haha, but I realized this week that I'd been taking the idea of "sin" as a given.

The idea of sin has been a constant in my life since my birth; only a few weeks after we came home from the hospital, my parents had me "dedicated" in front of the church congregation, which is the protestant alternative to the catholic baby baptisms. Instead of saving your soul, however, it's merely a commitment by christian parents to "raise their child in the way he should go" or whatever. And in this case, that meant raising their child to believe they were inherently sinful and needed to be saved by jesus in order to go to heaven. 

I've long determined that people are not inherently sinful; that babies are not evil from the moment they are beget; that children do not need to plead forgiveness for imagined wrongs. 

But the idea that perhaps sin simply... doesn't exist at all? That is new.

When I was five, I kneeled next to my bed on the pink throw rug my great grandmother had given me, clasped my hands together, and said, "Dear jesus, please come into my heart and forgive me." As I said the words, there was a deep sense of "this is what I'm supposed to do in order to get to heaven." I hadn't quite put together the "I'm sinful and need to be forgiven" part, despite the emphasis on that during Sunday school and vacation bible school, but I knew the words and I said them and I meant them. 

But as I grew, it didn't take me long to fully understand what "sin" was. 

Sin was whining about chores. Sin was arguing with my brothers. Sin was being obstreperous. Sin was reading instead of cleaning my room. Sin was talking back to my parents. Sin was watching other kids get picked on in school and doing nothing. Sin was not wanting to do my homework. Sin was getting bad grades. Sin was not listening to the teacher. Sin was watching movies. And listening to secular music. And reading books with swear words in them.

Sin was doing anything that upset my parents for any reason. 

Sin was lack of total perfection.

Sin was making god mad.

I asked for forgiveness regularly. As a 7 year old. As a 10 year old. As a 12 year old. I knew my soul was irreparably blackened, and jesus was the only one who could cleanse me and guarantee my way into heaven. 

When I reached my teenage years, I continued to pray for forgiveness, but I tacked on an extra little request at the end of my prayers: "Please forgive me, and also, if you notice me doing something wrong, could you just let me know?"

"If I'm doing something and don't realize it's a sin, could you please point it out to me?"

"I'm not entirely sure quite what I'm doing wrong, but I know it must be something, so please forgive me even for stuff I don't realize is wrong."

It's a pretty heavy weight, to walk around thinking that you're perpetually committing grievous offenses but have no idea what they are. To believe that god is incessantly watching every movement, every choice, and every thought, and judging you accordingly. Especially as a child. And sure, the pastors said "his blood covers it all" but what does that even mean? And if his blood covers "it all" why couldn't we just be regular people? Why did we have to focus on being as perfect as possible? 

The thing is, though, the existence of sin is necessary to christianity. If humans weren't inherently "sinful" then what would the point of christianity be? Because if we weren't inherently sinful, nothing would be preventing us from accessing heaven. We wouldn't need jesus, we wouldn't need the bible, and most of all, we wouldn't need the church. 

Sin, at least in a christian context, is a direct and willful violation of god's will. But in order for it to be real, a.) god has to exist, and b.) we have to be able to determine what his will is—irrefutably. But since god (if he exists) hasn't provided a clear-cut directive... how can we possibly ensure that we aren't violating god's will? And if we can't know his will, we can't violate it on purpose.

Hence, sin is fake.

But if pastors, leaders, humans make clear-cut statements that say, "This is wrong and I know because god told me so," then they can claim that your violation of their commandments is sin, and in doing so, they strip access to heaven from you.

The idea of sin allows humans to control other humans. Even humans who don't believe in their ideology.

But if sin doesn't exist in the first place? That hill they're standing on is nothing but air.

To be clear, I think mistakes are real. I think we can do things that we wish we hadn't. I think we can cause harm. We can do things that upset or cause pain or discomfort toward other people, ourselves, or the world around us.

But sin? Nah.

I think I still carry this weight, even though I left christianity over a decade ago. 

It's clearest for me in this subconscious  pressure that suggests I'm "living a sinful lifestyle," despite the fact that even according to christian standards, my "lifestyle," as it were, is pretty innocuous. I'm straight & hetero, married and monogomous, donate and volunteer to causes, mind my own business most of the time. But I do swear. And read romance novels (with sex scenes *gasp*). And I'm not christian. Which all equals "sinful lifestyle" in my subconscious, I guess.

But there's a lot of freedom in being able to look an action in the face and say "What harm does this cause?" If the answer is "It causes no harm," I can move on with my life. And if the answer is "It causes this specific harm," then I can remediate to the best of my ability. 

Litter? I can donate to an environmental organization or pick up more trash than I dropped. 

Give voice to my internal biases, even unintentionally? Apologize immediately and truthfully. Or donate to an anti-racist/feminist/trans-inclusionary/disability activist organization if an apology isn't possible. Or all of the above! 

Steal something? Give it back. Pay for it. Go to jail. Whatever. Make amends.

There is freedom in accountability. There is freedom in taking responsibility for my misdeeds. I don't need jesus or christianity to "save" me. All I need to do is own up to my behaviors, decisions, and choices, and the consequences therein. 

I can make amends. All by myself. No penance, priest, or prayer necessary.

If everyone did this, instead of just "praying for forgiveness," I think the world would be a lot less shitty place.

-----

A not-exactly side note: 

If I'm being honest, I think this whole blog is partially about me trying to make amends in a way. It's also therapy through writing, an exploration of my feelings, and a process to think through some of the concepts and ideas that still nag at me. But I could do all of that without sharing it online.

The one thing I feel more guilty about than anything in my life, was the evangelism I did as a teenager. I talked down to other people. Tried to convince them they were evil. I built walls around myself, and judged everyone else as either "saved" or "unsaved." I roped people in, with music and a pretty smile and the threat of hell. 

I understand that I was still a child. And that the religion I wielded was placed into my hands by adults. That it's not entirely my fault. I know I was trying to do what was right. But I also feel strongly that I caused harm to those around me. Harm I regret to this day.

I made it out. But not without casualties.

It's a strange type of survivor's guilt.

So I'm hoping that writing out & sharing my experiences, feelings, and pain will maybe help somebody somewhere. I want to do something good that directly counteracts the harm I caused then. Maybe I can support someone leaving the church now, validate someone who is questioning, or offer logic, reason, and experience to help someone see the door. 

Maybe it'll help, maybe not. But it feels like the right thing to do.

[gibbearish]

the funny thing abt that exreligious post was the person who reblogged it and tagged it "bad take op but the additions saved it" as if the additions werent. agreeing with me?

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

I FUCKING FORGOT THE SONG

"On the day I was born / The sky shattered and wept / You best believe it was something to see, baby / Savior born sinner delivered as flesh" UM HELLO PARTY POISON + MARTYR COMPLEX THEY'RE SO CONVINCED THEY HAVE TO GIVE THEMSELVES UP TO SAVE EVERYTHING THAT THEYRE LIKE THE MESSIAH OR SOMETHING i could go on for years about exreligious party poison

"I come alive, forged in fire / My love will break these chains built from pain / They cant hold me down" I DONT WANNA SPOIL TMWYA BC YOU HAVENT READ IT YET BUT. YOU'LL UNDERSTAND?

"There was a time I let hatred define me / I wrestle those demons and left pride in my wake / Rise and wake up / It's our time to prevail / How could you think I would ever decieve you / I live by the sword and I'll die by my word" I CANT PUT IT INTO WORDS RN BUT DO YOU GET ME

YE SYES YES IUNDERSTAND OH MY GODDDD

that last part is so fucking- waaaghsgsg because there WAS a time when their core personality trait, their response to everything was anger and hatred and mistrust. they get out to the zones and theyre terrified of everything and everyone that comes their way- they dont know who to trust so they put up these walls and now that theyve grown into this well known figure theyve developed this huge fucking ego as a cover for all that. they dont need your fucking help or your opinions or anything from you- theyre goddamn motherfucking party poison!!! they dont ask for help, they dont need help, theyre the one who helps people

"how could you think i would ever deceive you". theyre not a liar. theyre not. they may bury their emotions and twist and bend and recolor them until whatever it is theyre projecting is an unrecognizable shell of what they really feel but they are not a liar. and that combines with their ego, their bones deep assurance that they know theyre always right (because is they cant trust themself then they can trust no one at all), and it especially effects their relationship with kobra (and eventually others they need to protect) because how could you think i would ever deceive you? how could you not listen to me, not trust in me when i tell you that i can handle this, that ill keep you safe, that ill make sure everything is gonna be okay? i love by the sword and ill die by my word, i live soley to protect you and i keep my goddamn promises and i will make sure you are safe. no matter what. they cant hold me down, they cant keep me quiet, they cant stop me from fighting and burning and fucking killing myself in order to keep you safe.

and they push people back, they dont accept help from anyone, they put themself in danger to keep the other out of it because theyre goddamn motherfucking party poison. if they know one thing, its that no ones as capable as them. theyre the best around so they have to fight the battles, have to keep the others- the actually important people- safe. they cant trust anyone else with such a holy responsibility

[electronicwriter]

#Repost @eat_the_forbidden_fruit • • • • • • #atheism #atheist #exevangelical #exjw #exjwmemes #exmormon #cults #agnostic #agnosticism #satanism #secularism #humanism #nihilism #naturalism #antireligion #exmuslim #exhindu #exorthodox #exbeliever #exreligious #tst #thesatanictemple https://www.instagram.com/p/ClflHO5OtsH/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[hot-wire-this-old-car]

iso religious trauma art accts to stalk so i can find angsty m/m softporn exreligious content to pair with richard siken poetry

[the-jesus-pill]

Are you a ‘I hate angels bcs they’re the messengers of god’ apostate or a ‘I relate to angels bcs of my trauma / bcs I was also forced to worship god’ apostate?

[joyfulapostate]

We are not doomed to martyrdom, vengeance, or hate. I see more love and support in the exreligious communities than I ever did in Christian ones.

more of my work