okay so you know how it goes: fourteen comes to life in thirteen's clothes. and they're both too short and too loose and entirely too bright for his frame of mind. they worked with a doctor who hid everything behind a too wide smile; not so much with a doctor whose pain and tiredness is written across his face
he needs to change. obviously
and then the star beast starts, and fourteen leaves the tardis, and he's still in thirteen's clothes
he just. he doesn't know. how does he choose new clothes? he feels wrong. how will wearing something else change that?
(donna tells him that it's christmas, mate; it's bloody freezing. maybe wear longer trousers, yeah? also he's both too young and too old to wear braces. just a friendly note)
he doesn't have to explain who he is to the unit scientist, not with those clothes. instead he talks about how he doesn't understand why he looks like this. why he is this. why this face? why isn't he someone new?
actually. maybe he is someone new. was he ever this open before? hm
why do you look like that, sylvia hisses, trying to hide him from the daughter he destroyed ruined left
it's a lottery, he replies, purposely ignorant
he still has his thirteenth self's screwdriver. it's too small in his hands
(the whole time they were her, her hands were too small. she didn't like touching anyway, but whenever someone took her hand, it felt wrong. they were too small. sometimes it felt like if she worked fast enough, tinkered about without stopping, she wouldn't have to look at them)
everything goes wrong. his fault, like always
(blimey. of all the things to carry over from the first time he had this face, it had to be the guilt, didn't it?)
you shouldn't look like that, the doctordonna says, and he runs a hand down his face with a tired laugh
no, the doctordonna says, not the face. a hand reaches out to grasp at the collar of his shirt, at the dangling earring chain. this isn't you. who are you, doctor?
like he knows. like they've ever-
she dies.
she lives. he doesn't deserve it. it isn't about him. he still doesn't deserve it
we're letting it go, donna says, and he looks down at himself, at another him's clothes, another him's screwdriver
well, she never was subtle, his donna
the tardis is gorgeous, though when isn't she. he tries to show off his new console to donna, and she rolls her eyes, and drags him off to the wardrobe
unlike normally, where all the clothes are scattered about, the new tardis wardrobe now also has a line of wardrobes stood against the wall. fifteen of them, to be exact
the last wardrobe is open. and empty
he goes to the second to last, and opens it to reveal a wide array of rainbow patterned shirts. she probably would've hated for her things to be organised like this. always creating mess so she wouldn't have to think about anything important. he laughs. and he takes off the sky coloured coat and the worn boots and the earrings and gently places them inside. tag, he thinks, as he closes the doors
and then he moves down to the eleventh wardrobe, full of brown coats and blue suits and neatly pressed shirts and pairs of converse. and he stands in front of it. and he wonders
after a moment, donna's like wait do you want me to leave?? you never cared about nudity before, did you? and he's like oh actually i do feel more self conscious. huh. weird.
he doesn't have to say, i think i'm a different person. not to donna. she just gives him a smile, and a shoulder nudge, and tells him she'll see him in the console room
the last wardrobe is empty
he takes a breath, and then goes to rummage about in the rest of the clothes
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◁ || ▷ now playing
Icarus: Isn’t it interesting how one song can be linked to a single moment in your life. And it’s like at that very moment, such a simple tune seems so miniscule, yet here you are years later thinking about it.
-
Daniel: I’m surprised they took the fake ID’s.
Icarus: You think they actually care about kids like us?
Daniel: Tch. I’m surprised this hole in the wall hasn’t gotten raided. This place is crawling with people from our school. That guy over there is in our fifth period.
Icarus: And she’s in my first period. As for her, she’s new.
Daniel: Now what’s a valley girl doing all the way out here? Mamas, looks like you missed your exit!
Icarus: Are you- Shut up!
Daniel: Well, if you’re not gonna talk to her then don’t mind if I do.
Icarus: What happened?
Daniel: She wants to talk to you.
Icarus: Fuuuuuuck.
Daniel: Have fun, bro.
Icarus: So, I see you’ve met Daniel and I’m assuming he made a complete fool of himself.
Violet: You say that as if he does that quite often.
Icarus: Talk to pretty women at bars? Mmm, that’s a first. Being a loser? Always.
Violet: He actually came over here to see if he could give me your number.
Icarus: Oh.
Violet: I figured I’d speak directly to you. I’m Violet.
Icarus: Like the song.
Violet: Ah, yes. My dad has a thing for Hole so he named me after his favorite song.
Icarus: That’s really cool.
Violet: [ small laugh ] I guess so, and your name?
Icarus: Icarus.
Violet: Icarus… That’s a pretty name.
-
Ares: Hey Icarus! You alright?
Icarus: Yeah, just thinking.
Syx: If you’re gonna brood, can we at least go inside?
Icarus: [ snorts ] I’m not brooding.
Ares: Ya kinda are.
Icarus: Come on, man. You’re supposed to have my back!
Ares: By lying?
Icarus: Well no-
Ares: So you agree?
Icarus: I’m gonna shut up now.
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