#fake kermit

[softass]

okay heres the deal

this dude here? this fine looking felt fucker? thats kermit the frog. the genuine fucking article baby, in the foam.

look at that subtle head crest where the the middle finger rests, the tasteful eye focus. oh my god, it even has dimples. this is a man i know and love. hes like a father to me. there for me since sesame street up through my rocky muppet show adolescence and into jim henson hour adulthood. this is a face you can trust. go on little man, take a seat on kermits lap and tell him what you want for muppet christmas. is that flying penguins i hear? very popular choice. anyway, onto what im really pissed about.

who, the absolute fuck, is this douchebag? lets start at the obvious. this motherfucker has some hey arnold ass skull disorder. theres no give to that baby, no indication of skull bones. looks like a middle aged dad going through a rough divorce and getting botox. kermit the frog would never. were gonna refer to this guy as false kermit from now on. like bigger luke before him, false kermit is a liar and a fraud here to take advantage of your good will twoards the real kermits sensitive soul.

it isnt enough that this impostor is out there, no, hes on everything. you go into a wal mart and try and find me even the slightest hint at real kermit. go on, ill wait. no luck? thats what i thought. obviously disney is in on it, his proliferation goes hand in hand with disneys dominance of the brand. what are they hiding from us? wheres real kermit, walt? is this some faul shit were on, are the clues there for us to find. one things for sure, this guys an impostor and must not be trusted.

for more information on the case visit plushrump.com

[hollow-keys]

This clip is so fucking funny.

[krash-and-co]

so there is a CLEAR BIAS *looks at fave character poll runner accusingly* /silly

but my IMPORTANT PIECE OF PROPAGANDA will NOT go to waste. vote kipps on the fave-character-poll (not going to @ them because they're probably getting like a billion notifications rn)

a vote for kipps is a vote for the bit!!!! and also me giving in to petty rage !!!!!!! check the reblogs of the main poll to understand <3

[crocchompers]

Jonesy doodles and then some kerm and wall

I'll make more later

[kermitttttt]

do we actually realise that stede is experiencing romantic love for the first time in his life (i think he loves his children, but aside of that we could even talk about first time experiencing love in his simplest form), and he has no idea about how it works, but still tries running after edward with his little love letter and the “he’s a good man” even though he’s talking about fcking blackbeard that everyone thinks is a death machine, without a single doubting though

he knows he hurt him, and that now he probably hates him, but still believes that the man who showed him true love can’t be a cruel man

they really said “fell first” ed and “fell harder” stede

[ziggys-squigglies]

I am cringe but I am free

[ratsalad]

the whole time i watched “everybody dies” i wondered why there was a fire. it felt too much like a device, too obvious, something put in place just to get house to make a decision

but it hit me just now: fire is rebirth, it’s been symbolic of rebirth and reincarnation for centuries in so many cultures.

gregory house “died” in that fire, and when he comes out of it, he’s a changed man. his hallucinations of stacy and cameron made him realize his faith in love if not god, how much he loves wilson and how poorly he’s treated that love, and how no, he isn’t doomed by nature to be selfish, and how he has the capacity for selfless action (when he saved his patient’s life even though that meant the patient couldn’t go to jail for him - even though it meant he couldn’t be with wilson). and while house has realized his capacity for change before (e.g. “broken”), the fire symbolism is so heavy-handed - especially considering it’s the last episode of the show - that it could only mean house’s rebirth is intended to be read as lasting, even permanent.

[gramarobin]

[noroalia]

MUPPET THEME ACQUIRED

[robertdarlingdog]

[thoughts-reasons]

Twitter

Twitter

[greyeyedmonster-18]

(to the anons, i will not answer yall directly but uh... i know.)

[milkbath69]

muppet dracula movie the only human is Johnathan Harker

[walvitswordsandpoems]

Something regarding covid...

[luveline]

hi!!! congrats on 31k babe🧡 could i get 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐬 with dad!eddie and roan, where r buys roan lots of stuff for halloween because she can't decide on a costume and eddie's just wildly in love with his girls? ty

join luveline's halloween party

tysm!!!! roan and eddie forever ♡ dad!eddie x fem!reader

You ignore Eddie when you get home. Sometimes (rarely, so rarely) you choose to visit him first where he's making dinner after work. But today, as you usually do, you choose Roan. He can't even be mad.

"Roan, my princess," you greet, voice deeply entrenched with love. "Give me a kiss before I die of no kisses."

He listens to Roan standing up on the sofa and the sound of you picking her up over the back of it. Her voice, scratchy with Friday night tired, rings all the way to the kitchen.

"Hi, mommy."

"Hello," you say. He doesn't have to guess what the next sound is, your kisses landing over both her tiny cheeks.

Her calling you mommy is getting to a more often than not stage and still, still, it makes his heart soar. He knows your heart does the same. He's hugged you and placated you enough times now to now how much it means to you.

I just love her and I can't believe it, you'd said once.

"Roanie," you say, your voice growing louder as you walk into the hall. There's a sound of rustling plastic. "I know you said you don't know what you want to be for Halloween, so I went to the costume store on my lunch break and I have some stuff for you look at."

His daughter cheers at the good news and the two of you appear in the kitchen doorway, both of his girls looking super tired because it's the end of the week.

"Hi, gorgeous," he greets, saccharine sweet.

You kiss Roan's cheeks again. "Dad's talking to you."

"While she's super duper gorgeous," he starts in parentese though Roan's a little too old for it — she melts shyly anyway — and ends more serious, "I was talking to you."

You receive his rough kiss to the top of your cheek with a smile as melty as his daughter's, practically leaning into his lips.

"Hi, handsome," you say.

"Super duper handsome," Roan says, obviously feeling the love.

He kisses her cheek though he'd already spent ten minutes after school cajoled into a sleepy cuddle, which he can't wait to tell you about. (See: rub it in your face.)

You set Roan down in a chair by the kitchen table and peel open the bag. Eddie leans against the counter next to the stove so he can watch while he keeps an eye on dinner as you pull out lots of things, too many things.

There's a princess costume first and foremost. Roan has more princess dresses than she knows what to do with, especially the pricy one you'd gifted her when she first moved in, and it's pale compared to the rest of your options: a pumpkin costume, a black cat, kermit from the muppets.

Then there's the add-ons. "I got this gross fake blood stuff, and I got zombie make up, and bandages if you want to be a mummy. And if you don't like any of it we can go back in the morning and have a look around, don't worry, I can't take back what you don't want. Or we can keep everything and make you a crazy monster of things. Ooh! I saw, like, a red wig and if daddy says it's okay I bet we could make you some shells and you could be Ariel."

You keep going, you chat and babble and somewhere between it all your hands end up in Roan's hair, petting it away from your face as you go.

Eddie knows it isn't easy to go all out. Working long hours every day, coming home to more things you wouldn't have done before. He's had a lot longer to get used to how little time he has, and he wouldn't blame you if you slacked on certain things. He's guilty of slacking all the time. Being a parent is hard. Sometimes McDonald's is worth it for the ten minute silence.

But you rarely slack, you do things he hasn't asked you to do often, and he always takes it for what it is — love. Sick, cheesy, puts-hallmark-movies-to-shame, love. For him and his girl.

Roan makes Eddie literally as proud as she can when she smiles up at you and says, "Thank you," in her serious little voice.

"You're welcome!" you say with a laugh, throwing a look over your shoulder at him that's just as proud. Get a look at what you made, Munson.

"Roan, you're gonna have to let me kiss her for at least the next ten minutes," Eddie says severely.

"Ew, no!"

"Five?"

Roan hums. "Mm, maybe less?"

"Two?"

Roan nods and climbs off of her chair. She changes her mind a couple of seconds into her journey and turns to run upto the table, grabbing as many halloween things out of the bag as she can carry before she leaves. A trail of bits and bobs like breadcrums fall behind her.

"What did I do?" you ask, giddy as Eddie snakes his finger through your belt loop and tugs you into his chest.

"Just lemme kiss you," he pleads. There isn't time to explain the details.

You beam and grab his face in both of your loving hands.

He barely gets a minute of kisses when Roan starts shouting for someone to help her. "I'm stuck in the pumk-min!"

"She's stuck in the pumk-min," you repeat adoringly.

"I heard."

-

more eddie and roan

[harlowcomehome]

Concealer and concealing:

Walking into his trailer you were apprehensive, you didn’t know much about him. You knew your client was a rapper, you had heard a few of his songs mainly when they were on constant rotation on the radio but you were somewhat familiar.

He carried himself with confidence, extending a hand to introduce himself immediately.

“Hi, I’m Jack! Nice to meet you” his warm welcome made you feel at ease as you smiled back at him.

You were worried that small talk would be awkward as it usually was but the two of you hit it off immediately.

“How long have you been a makeup artist?” He watched as you set out all of your brushes and foundation shades.

“A few years now!” You hummed as you unpacked your kit. Jack took notice of the over abundance of luxury items you had and assumed you knew what you were doing.

You applied a base layer, answering all his questions as you stressed that he would benefit from wearing SPF.

“Is that your way of saying I’m pale?” He gasped, making you nervously drop your makeup brush into his lap.

“No! Not at all. You have really good skin” You were worried he was offended unable to tell by his tone.

He chuckled handing the brush back to you, flashing you a smile to let you know he was only joking.

“Are you always this funny?”

“I’ve been told I can be obnoxious but funny is a good choice of words too. Are you here all day?”

“After I finish your glam, I’m free for the rest of the day.” You smiled, taking a green concealer shade out of your kit to cover some of his red spots.

“Now I’m not Kermit the frog so I’m not entirely sure what you’re doing there” Jack laughed, deeply questioning if you were colorblind.

“Okay, now you’re being obnoxious” you snorted making him hunch over with laughter momentarily as you finished up everything. He was easy to talk to and made your day a lot easier.

You were only there to finish his makeup, packing everything back up as he went to set, he had a long day ahead of him and thanked you for being his distraction prior to it.

The interaction between the two of you made an impression on him, taking note of the fact that you mentioned you were free the rest of the day.

“Neelam, I need a favor” Jack smiled as he ran over to his manager, explaining that he needed to get your contact number from one of the production assistants.

As Jack finished getting showered and cleaned up to go back to his LA Airbnb, Neelam knocked on his dressing room door with a folded piece of paper.

“You owe me” she laughed, handing him a phone number before leaving him alone.

Jack sat down, pulling his phone out of his brown leather MCM backpack, ignoring the tons of notifications he had and calling your number.

“Hello? This is Y/N with your makeup needs, how can I help you?”

Jack was smitten, hearing your forced customer service voice made his stomach do flips.

“Kermit the frog here” he joked in his best impression voice.

“Jack? Did something happen with your makeup?” You were surprised he was calling you, wondering if he had been thinking about you too.

“Actually I was wondering if you-“

He was cut off by a male voice on your end.

“Babe? Babe? You home?” Your fiance Roy had just arrived home from work, you shushed him as you pointed to your phone held up to your ear.

“I’m sorry Jack, you were saying?”

“I was wondering if you’d be available to do my makeup for a music video I was working on, maybe next month?” He lied, his ego completely taking a hit.

You felt a wave of disappointment wash over you, hoping selfishly he was calling for another reason.

“Yeah, when you know specifics just let me know” you faked an overly excited voice as he hung up the call, both of you overwhelmed with disappointment.