#farmer stinky

[hyperfixated-maybe]

a show that’s not the Octonauts??!!?

That’s crazy matey.

Anyways I watch Sheriff Callie’s Wild West for every character BUT the sheriff because she’s a little miss perfect Jane doe flawless- one of her few worked through flaws is stubbornness, which is tackled IN. A. FLASHBACK.

I HATE HER.

THE SHOW. SHOULD NOT. BE CENTERED. AROUND HER.

I love everybody else Priscilla is the best bisexual thank you very much.

[a-little-artsy]

miles tries not to get into every childhood show she can find every month challenge (IMPOSSIBLE 100% WILL FAIL)

im aware of my very silly style shshshshhs

i tried so hard drawing ella augh

gay people

i also have an au now this is crayz

im so normal

[seathernycolors]

garbage hat ‼️

[fangmich]

So you are saying I was walking on Thursday a whole Kilometer to get my other bus because some shit ass farmers where "protesting" on the street with the police closing the street where my bus was supposed to arrive just because the shit ass farmers don't want to pay their petrol?!

But yea if people demonstrate for the climate they get dragged away by the police in the most violent way possible...

[chaosandmarigolds]

(slowly sets random sting ray plushie I got for my birthday down) Brain-rot. so I present Dad!Simon and Ollie at the aquarium

Simon! Who was currently two weeks deep into babysitting oliver and it being the middle of summer almost everywhere and everything had been exhausted

"Library time with Miss Rue?"

Ollie frowns from his ice cream,- which you would murder simon for if you found out which is why they were both sworn to secrecy, "MIss Rue is jus reeed-ing Peter Bunny again. No want."

"No want." Simon echoed slowly, leaning against the kitchen counter as he tried to think.

"Big mall?" "No..."

"The zipline park?" (A normal park with a little kid zipline)

"No."

"The animals?"

"Nope. Momma said we stinky after animal."

Simon nods again, the local farmer's markets would normally have a little petting zoo- so that had also become a staple. "She did- rightoo laddie. Okay...okay, let Mister Riley think for a minute."

Ollie nods to his babysitters words and takes another hefty bite of the ice cream, "We could....we could see fish? We see fish."

"Fish?"

"We go fish, in-in big pool."

Simon who spent ten finding which aquarium within a fifty mile radius had the best reviews because if he is...might as well make it memorable

Simon who made sure Ollie wore is water proof shoes because...well he just knew the kid was going to jump into the little kiddie water pad the aquarium had

Simon who packed a towel and change of clothes for that exact reason too

Simon who so has baby shark stuck in his head

Simon who once the tickets are purchased is already trying to trick the tyke down, basically playing marco polo

Simon who held up Ollie without a second thought to see the Jelly fish, telling him how he was once stung while he was down in Japan, smiling to the childs laughter

Simon who spends the extra fifteen dollars so Ollie could feed the stingrays, keeping an arm looped around him to keep him stable

Simon who of course notices the looks he's getting from the group of moms, he ignores them though

Simon who tried to politely turn down the one who came up to him, nice woman, seemed kind- yet...she wasn't...you

Simon who had to get more firm and did lie when she wouldn't get the message-

"Listen lady- I could kill ya without even blinking 'n you are really testin my patience so ho' bout you leave me 'n my son alone before i get annoyed?" Just how he assumed it would've gone down the woman became flustered and excused herself, meanwhile, Ollie was still being held in the air to look at the catfish.

Ollie looks to Simon as he then lets out a sigh and adjusts his grip on the boy, "Ister Riley?"

"Yeah, lad?"

"Mommy said killing people isn't nice."

Simon clears this throat, "Mum is real smart like that."

Simon who gets Ollie a plushie and teehsirt

Simon who feels really proud of himself when Ollie is fast asleep for the entire car ride home

(annnnyway thats it<333 any feedback and all that jazz means the world to me!!)

[headspace-hotel]

Many people, especially USAmericans, are very resistant to knowing the plants and living according to the ways of the plants. They lash out with a mix of arrogance and fear: "Don't you know what bad things would happen if we lived a different way? There is a REASON for living this way. Would you have us go Back—backward to the time without vaccines or antibiotics????"

Ah, yes, the two immutable categories that all proposals for change fit into: Backward Change and Forward Change! Either we must invent a a futuristic, entirely new solution with SCIENCE and TECHNOLOGY that further industrializes and increases the productivity of our world, or we must give up vaccines and antibiotics and become starving illiterate medieval peasants.

Every human practice anywhere on Earth that has declined, stopped, or become displaced by another practice, was clearly objectively worse than whatever replaced it. You see, the only possible reason a way of life could decline or disappear is that it sucked and had it coming anyway!!! Pre-industrial human history is worthless except as a cautionary tale about how miserable we would all be without *checks notes* factories, fossil fuels and colonialism. Obviously!

Anyway, who do you think benefits from the idea that pesticide-dependent, corporate-controlled industrialized monoculture farming liberates us all from spending our short, painful lives as filthy, miserable peasants toiling in the fields?

First of all, I think it's silly to act like farming is a uniquely awful way to live. I can't believe I have to say this, but the awful part of being a medieval peasant was the oppression and poverty, not the fact that harvesting wheat is a lot of work and cows are stinky. Same goes for farm labor in the modern USA: the bad part is that most people working farms are undocumented migrant workers that are getting treated like garbage and who can't complain about it because their boss will rat them out to ICE.

Work is just work. Any work has dignity when the people doing it are paid properly and not being abused. Abuse and human trafficking is rampant in agriculture, but industrialization and consolidation of small farms into gigantic corporate owned farms sure as hell isn't making it better.

Is working on a farm somehow more miserable than working in a factory, a fast food restaurant, or a retail store? Give me a break. "At least I'm not doing physical labor in the sun," you say, at your job where you're forced to stand on concrete for 8 hours and develop chronic pain by age 24.

When you read about small farmers going out of business because of huge corporations, none of them are going "Yay! Now that Giant Corporation has swallowed up all the farms in the area, we can all enjoy the luxurious privileges of the industrial era, like working RETAIL!" What you do see a lot of is farmers bitterly grieving the loss of their way of life.

And also, the fact is, sustainable forms of polyculture farming that create a functional ecosystem made up of many different useful and edible plants are actually way MORE efficient at producing food than a monoculture. The reason we don't do it as much, is that it can't be industrialized where everything is harvested with machines.

Some places folks are starting to get the idea and planting two crops together in alternating rows, letting the mutualistic relationship between plants boost the yields of both, but indigenous people in many parts of the world have been doing this stuff basically forever. I read about a style of agroforestry from Central America that has TWENTY crops all together on the same field.

Our modern system of farming is necessary for feeding the world? Bullshit! Our technology is very powerful and useful, but our harmful monocultures, dangerous pesticides, and wasteful usage of land and resources are making the system very inefficient and severely degrading nature's ability to provide for us.

What is needed, is a SYNTHESIS of the power and insights of technology and science, with the ancient wisdom and knowledge gained by closely and carefully observing Nature. We do not need to reject one, to embrace the other! They should be friends!

Our system thinks land is only used for one thing at a time. Even our science often thinks this way. A corn field has the purpose of producing corn, and no other purpose, so all other plants in the corn must be killed, and it must be a monoculture of only corn.

But this means that the symbiosis between different plants that help each other is destroyed, so we must pollute the earth with fertilizers that wash into bodies of water and cause eutrophication, where algae explode in number and turn the water to green goo. Nature always has variety and diversity with many plants sharing the same space. It supports much more animal life (we are animals!) this way. The Three Sisters" are the perfect example of mutualism between plants being used in an agricultural environment. The planting of corn, beans, and squash together has been traditionally used clear across the North American continent.

And in North America, the weeds we have here are mostly edible plants too. Some of them were even domesticated themselves! Imagine a garden where every weed that pops up is also an edible or otherwise useful crop, and therefore a welcomed friend! So when weeds like Amaranth and Sunflower pop up in your field, that should not be a cause for alarm, but rather the system of symbiosis working as it should.

A field of one single crop is limited in how much it can produce, because one crop fits into a single niche in what should be a whole ecosystem, and worse, it requires artificial inputs to make up for what the rest of the plant community would normally provide. The field with twenty crops does not produce the same amount as the monoculture field divided in twenty ways, but instead produces much more while being a habitat for wild animals, because each plant has its own niche.

[dungeonpuppykai]

|| The Farmer's Way ||

Description: With the gang gone for good, Arthur had retired and you were his reward. Or so he believed. 

Pairing: Dark!Arthur Morgan | Gender-Neutral Spouse!You. 

Disclaimer: I (sadly) do not own Arthur Morgan or the RDR universe. This story contains dark and mature content so browse at your own discretion, please. Minors do not interact. 

Warning(s): Noncon/Dubcon, gross stuff because that's all I think about while playing the game, age gap, groping, dirty talk, degradation, doggy style, penetration, spanking, biting/marking, sexism, wife kink but it doesn't matter what you identify as because he's gross like that so tw for sure. 

Note: Fair warning, he's a bit of a sicko and I am a mental slut. Also this is kinda my first time with gender neutral smut so I am very sorry if I got something wrong. I am willing to rectify if I did make any such mistake. 

The hot June air blew past you and pricked at your rather pampered skin. You felt a droplet of sweat trickle down your temple as you winced and shielded your face from the sun, the rays now attacking the skin of your arm instead. A grunt escaped you when you willed your feet, which were clad in some glittery pumps, to push on towards the huge barn of your family farm. A string of disgusted curses foxed their way out of your mouth when the smell of dung and hay wafted into your nostrils from the giant red wooden box that was literally radiating stinky heat. 

Your feet halted right outside the heavy double doors and you had to take a long breath to brace yourself before you entered. Your features scrunched in disdain as you tried to hold your breath, clutching the cool jug and glass that you were holding tighter as you slipped inside before the weight of the door caused it to close by itself. Clenching your jaw to focus on the task at hand, you slowly walked forwards and concentrated on your breathing to ensure you didn't inhale any of the barn filth. 

It was a fairly easy piece of work.

Give the lemonade to your husband and leave. 

Simple, right? 

No. 

Not when said husband is Arthur Morgan. 

As his fingers wrapped around your wrists to keep you from leaving after you had placed the jug and glass down, your breath hitched as you felt a bile rise in your throat from pure disgust. The dust and sweat on his fingers was gut wrenching. 

"Fixin' to leave already?" His other hand came up to tangle in one of the two silky ribbons you wore on both sides of your head in half ponytails after he had pulled you against his hard chest, the coarse hairs on his chest scratching the skin of your back. "I was missin' you so much, baby" you uneasily shifted in his hold, goosebumps rising on your skin when you felt his fingers trail up from your wrist to your forearm. "It's almost like you showed up 'cause you read my mind" you could barely suppress your gasp as your body jumped in reaction to his stubbly lips suddenly finding your ear. 

"I…" Your voice was a mere squeak and you had to concentrate to make yourself sound a bit less pathetic. "I left the food on the stove" your eyes fluttered shut before clenching as you suppressed the urge to retch at both the feeling and smell, arm folding to let your elbow press into the side of his torso. The man only hummed as his browned and dirty hands felt you up, basically frisking your barely clad body as his lips pressed rushed kisses against your neck. "A- Arthur!" You flinched when he bit down on a hickey on the junction of your neck, fingers finding your nipples through the sheer fabric of one of the many silk dresses he made you wear. 

The older man did not budge, only grunting when you probed his chest harder, hips trying to wriggle free. "The grub can wait, hush now" your limbs screamed at you to fight. Try and push him away. Hit him with something. Make a run for it. Never look back. "Mmm, baby" your eyes teared up when his other hand slipped from the ribbon to trail down your abdomen and to your nether regions. "If it was up to me, I'd keep ya bare as a jaybird 'round the clock" your jaw clenched at his words but you knew better than to hurl the heavy jug that was in front of you against his head. 

Because you had done stuff like that countless times in the beginning of your forced marriage seven months ago. 

Except, you had no idea how but your husband had somehow trained and kept a number of wolves to guard the property only God knew how. 

No one could come in and you could never leave. 

The punishments that you had been subjected to upon trying to do so were more than enough to keep you on your best behavior. 

"Oh, darlin', you taste mighty fine" you were flipped and easily backed into one of the many stables. "Now, let me try out that pretty little mouth" your eyebrows scrunched as you craned your neck backwards to get away from him. The reverberations of Arthur's chuckle buzzed through your chest as he pressed into you and left you trapped and helpless. "Ain't ya just a foolish little thing? Thinkin' you can get away from your old man?" His rough palms cupped your face as he dipped his head in, chasing your lips with his own and snickering when you tried to move. 

When you had seen this mysterious cowboy turn up to buy your family farm off of your useless brother seven months ago, you had not thought much of it. Sure, you were angry that his gambling had ended him up in so much debt that he had no choice but to sell off your family legacy, but you had bright plans with your scholarship program at a prestigious college, and you had been so ready to leave this life that you had never liked much in the first place behind for one of revolution and modernity. 

Only, when all of your documentation as well as your brother and his family disappeared the night before your final departure, the then stranger and now your husband revealed that you had been part of the deal. 

As Arthur fucked into you on your wedding night -as he had promised your brother that he would not take you before that-, the man had confessed how lovely you had looked resting on a tree branch as you chewed on your lip, completely engrossed in your book. 

You knew alcohol and the colorful powders that your brother loved to use had done his mind in, but handing you off like merchandise to a man with no regard for your orientation or taste was something you had never expected from him. Not after he had been your legal guardian for so long. 

But then again, he never understood your ways and thought revolution was a blasphemy. 

In your brother's world, you either did the hard work on the field or became a field worker's home runner. 

And your open disdain for the farm work had earned you the latter. 

The irony was laughable, because he probably thought he was protecting you by choosing a secure future for his baby sibling. The right thing. 

Your spark had always scared him, and so he suppressed it once and for all under the mundaneness of the farm by locking you up in his own kind of a gilded cage and handing the keys to the man who was all over you at the moment.  

'Excitement is a double edged sword. It is thrilling and promising but it can also be dangerous.' That you couldn't deny.

The thrumming in your nether regions was proof. 

Frightening, shameful, repulsive proof.

"Arthur…" You whimpered as your vision zeroed in on his rough lips that brushed against yours soon before pressing into them. 

The man moaned, rubbing his crotch against yours as he deepened the kiss by tilting his head to the side and forcing his tongue in your mouth, the taste of cigarettes and coffee making you cringe and try to move away but a tight squeeze to your ass with his coarse hand made you gasp and hence open your mouth. Then his tongue was down your throat. 

Everything was rough and dirty about him. 

You hated it.

Sometimes he purposely rubbed his filth against your clean clothes and body to add insult to injury. He would laugh as you would hold your breath and try to get away only to be trapped between his strong body and some surface. Arthur would then watch you squirm and struggle until you ran out of breath and had no choice but to inhale his scent. 

"Dang it, I can't hold back no more" Arthur was panting when he finally broke off to let you both breathe, one of his hands bolting down to his belt while the other one held you steady. "I need ya right now…" The kiss had flushed your lips and you could feel the change in size as you ran your tongue over them to accumulate some moisture. "You gonna be good and take it for me, darlin', won't ya?" And while your brain screamed at you to know better, you squeezed your legs and whined, taking deep breaths as one of your fists bunched some of his sweaty shirt in it. 

"Arthur…" A small smirk made its way on his face while he hurriedly relieved himself of all decency. He recognized that tone. 

"Now ya know better than to call me that, baby" heat spread across your cheeks as you whimpered, biting your lip before you lowered your head and reached for his hand that was pinching one of your nipples through your sheer dress. "Go on now, you know my preference" your eyes fluttered shut as you took a shaky breath, massaging the hand that was toying with your chest and arching your back. 

"... H- Hubby…" Arthur cursed under his breath like he always did whenever he got you to call him that. Then he reached out for your other hand and brought it to his erect cock, the feeling of its thick veins against your soft fingertips causing your hole to clench around air. 

"Aw, shit, darlin'" he guided your hand up and down his twitching cock. "Can ya feel it?" His body pressed against yours. "This here is what ya do to me" the tip of his organ released some hot precum and you couldn't help but shudder at the memories it triggered. 

Memories of how it felt inside you. 

Before you knew it, as always, reason was out the window before you could grab onto it and your mind had decided shame could come later. Who knew when or if you would ever make it out of here and Arthur was way too good at making you feel strange things that kept you giving into him for more.

"Please, hubby" you whispered, unable to hold back anymore as you worked your wrist to please him. "Please…"

"Please, what, baby?" He pecked your lips over and over before moving down to the corner of your mouth and then further along your jaw. "Use your words for me" his lips locked around a patch of your delicate skin as he sucked, causing you to bend your back outwards. "Get, now."

"P- Please take me…" You shuddered as the sound of his lips forming yet another bruise along the expanse of your neck grew louder and louder in the air. "Please… please…" You couldn't get yourself to utter any more obscenity than that. 

"You mean you want me to fuck you?" Your heart dropped at the bluntness of his words, the feeling of his stubbly lips curling against your skin almost making you want to retreat, but only almost. 

Besides, you couldn't leave on your accord even if you wanted to. 

Though you really didn't want to leave this barn anymore. 

Not before the ache between your legs was relieved. 

When you didn't respond verbally, Arthur clicked his tongue as he came back up to face you and reached for his hat before placing it on your head. He loved to take you like that. "Come on, darlin'. You know I ain't gon' do nothin' 'til you say it for me" but then one of his hands creeped between your legs to caress your intimate part and your legs trembled in reaction; body submitting at once. 

Taking in a deep and shaky breath, you braced yourself before mumbling out your words, hoping and praying they were enough for him because you knew as well as you knew it was day that you didn't have any more indecency in you to talk the kind of filth he could with a straight face.

"P- Please fuck me, hubby…" One of his eyebrows raised as he leaned in closer. 

"I'm sorry, what was that there?" You almost choked his cock between your fingers but you knew better than hostility. 

"I- I said…"

"You said?" 

Your jaw clenched in annoyance because you were so needy all thanks to his dirty hands and now he was not helping. 

"I said p- please fuck me, hubby" you said as clearly as you possibly could, tone almost blunt. 

He finally seemed intent. "Your wish is my command, darlin'" the man had you flipped and bent over the stable before you could even register it. 

Your gaze settled on the little pony in front of you as you felt his stiff tip prod your entrance, the foreplay having lubed his cock more than enough. Since you weren't allowed to wear underwear, the lack of it granted him easier access to you and Arthur was sliding in with a grunt a moment later, squeezing both your ass cheeks at the same time as he cursed. 

"Fuck, baby. You're the tightest little thing I've ever laid down with" your fingers gripped the stable as you jumped when he landed a spank to one of your cheeks, slowly moving through you to get you to adjust. "Shit, look at you. Such a pretty little farm wife, baby" your face scrunched up in both discomfort and sensory overload due to how sensitive you felt down there. 

"Please…" Your mouth always betrayed you in moments like these despite your best efforts to stay as quiet as possible. 

But it felt even better when you let it get the best of you and drown you completely, the vile words coming out of your own mouth adding to the pressure between your hips before stars exploded in your vision. 

"Please what, sweet little thing?" You felt his chest drape over your back as he rubbed his stubbly cheek against yours, hips starting to find a rhythm as the speed of his thrusts increased. 

"Please… more" you couldn't help but lean your face against his to withstand the sensitivity, eyes fluttering as you chewed on your bottom lip in concentration, your velvety walls sheathing his veiny cock with every push. 

Arthur's chest reverberated against your back. "Ya act like you're too good for all this, but deep down you're just a horny little hussy, ain't ya darlin'?" You whined loudly as you clenched around him, starting to move your own hips against his now. "Jus' look at you, whinin' and squeezin' 'round me in front of li'l Sally like a silly 'lil jezebel" that was what you had named the pony that stared at you with her curious eyes. "But ya love that deep down, don't ya?" Your eyebrows furrowed when his words started to crack the haze that had formed in your mind, making you lower your head to cancel him out and focus on your relief.

But you could never win with Arthur. 

"You can go on ahead and deny it all you want. But this trashy li'l hole of yours tells me all I need to know everytime, honey" his lips bluntly moved against the shell of your ear as he gathered one of your knees in his hands and pushed it up against the frame of the stable before finding its way to your nipples again, other hand gliding down to the quivering organ between your legs. 

As Arthur's hips sped up and your body started to rock back and forth against the wooden frame with each powerful thrust, the sound of skin clapping against its like filled up the smelly barn. His hat fell over your eyes and you knew you were in for a long day. 

[pokemonshelterstories]

Grumpiggybacking off of the recent "bad advice" ask, what is the most strange or absurd piece of Pokémon care advice you've come across that was genuinely effective, despite sounding like it wouldn't/shouldn't work?

if you've got an uncooperative lechonk on your hands, break out a fork. seriously. lechonk love nothing more than a good scratch with a fork.

farmers who really know what they're doing keep a fork specifically for lechonk-scratching- not just because it's a handy tool to have around, but also because they swear by its effectiveness as bug repellant. the oil that lechonk secrete from their scent glands has a bitter, herby smell to it, and bug types tend to hate it. if you reuse the same fork on your lechonk a few times and let it get real stinky, you can carry it around with you to help deter bug pokemon from biting you while you're inspecting your fields. i've met farmers who swear that it works better than repel.

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Since ive been playing Stardew again, mainly thanks to Stardew Expanded, and have been on a Stardew kick in general:

How would the different villagers (base game, no mod villagers, with maybe the inclusion of Marlon, Gunther, Krobus and the dwarf maybe?) react to a cottagecore (actual) witch (wizard, spellcaster, whatever you wanna call this version of the farmer) who, while making artisan goods like jellies and mead, also makes potions and enchanted knick knacks that help people too?

Hewwo :D

As you can see, dear anon, I got rather... carried away with the question, so I apologize for the long reply. I hope you enjoy it, and thanks again for the ask! 💕

SDV townies react to the cottagecore wizard/witch!Farmer who, in addition to artisan goods, makes potions and enchants trinkets:

_________________________________________

Shane doesn't mind the home-brewed beer and hot peppers from the garden that the Farmer regularly treats him to, but doesn't need to be told about the trinkets and stinky herbal concoctions and other weird stuff. The chicken lover doesn't believe in that (even though he's facing a real wizard/witch), and he has pills for his hangover.

No matter how hard Marlon tried to talk the Farmer out of it and explain that they didn't owe him anything for his help (a.k.a. "how once again Marlon had delivered the unconscious Farmer home"), but the new member of the Adventurers' Guild was stubborn and left on Marlon's table a dozen life elixirs that they had brewed themselves, as well as a whole basket of fresh apples. Well, it was rude to refuse, but the old adventurer still wanted the Farmer to be careful in the Mines next time.

A good luck bracelet? Ha! Thanks, Farmer, but Alex doesn't need one. He's a real sports star (not yet recognized, but soon!), and he relies solely on his talents and muscles. Although, if an athlete knows Farmer very well, he won't turn down a bracelet. Although he's not superstitious, a gift from a friend as a token of attention really touched him. Not that he'll admit it out loud, of course.

"Will I be able to fly?! Or talk to animals? Will I be able to talk to trees too? Will I turn into a dinosaur? Or invisible? I'd like to become an invisible dinosaur!" Yeah, I guess it wasn't such a good idea for the Farmer to announce to Vincent that they were brewing potions in addition to farming. Who knew the boy would be so intrigued by the Farmer's activities, after all, where else would you see a Farmer who could not only make cheese, but also do magic things?

Jas is a pretty smart girl, and quickly guessed about Farmer's unusual talents. She promised to keep it a secret.... If the Farmer promised to show her those unusual black chickens. Given that the farm is not far from her aunt's ranch, Jas often comes to visit the hospitable Farmer, just to watch them conjure or make cheese. And for black chickens. So cute!

To be honest, Marnie is a little... confused. She doesn't really believe in magic and all, but one event has made her reconsider. The Farmer recently gave her an totem that they say protects her lovely chickens from forest predators (poor Marnie is still grieving over hen Matilda, who was stolen by a fox). Now foxes approaching the coop howl, as if wounded, when they see the totem and run away. A coincidence, or does the totem really work?

"Ah, fellow craftsman! Glad to see that the practice of the arts of alchemy and enchantment is still not extinct." Wizard knew from the beginning that Farmer was connected with the magical world, but even for him it was a surprise that the young talent could cast complex spells and brew potions. And most importantly, help the locals (well, or at least not harm anyone). Hm, he was just looking for an apprentice, and Farmer would be perfect candidate...

Leah isn't much into elixirs and talismans, but when the red-haired girl fell ill, the Farmers were the first to help and gave her some funny-smelling potions that made her feel better instantly. They also treated Leah to some homemade goat cheese and fruits. Witch or not, Leah was glad to have such a caring friend and promised herself to do something for the Farmer in return.

Even though Demetrius had no desire to offend or insult the Farmer in any way, the scientist will look very sceptical at the amulet the Farmer offers him for protection against evil spirits. And for all the spells that the Farmer shows, desperately trying to prove to Demetrius that they are real spellcasters, he will wave his hand, saying that it is all scientifically explainable. Farmer is levitating, the hell you mean scientifically explainable?!

Clint wanted to ask something about a love potion, but quickly silenced himself before the Farmer could hear anything. It would hardly be true love if you put that magic stuff in there.... What?! No, he didn't mean anyone in particular, they heard nothing! In general, the blacksmith doesn't care if the Farmer grows strawberries, enchants bracelets or practises fortune-telling.

Abigail has become a very frequent visitor to the farm. The violet-haired girl sometimes likes to sit in the Farmer's kitchen, helping or watching them make blueberry jam or pickled tomatoes. But most of all she is interested in watching them brew potions or just the way the spoons stir themselves thanks to magic. Abigail will also ask them to make her a elixirs taster ("Pretty please!").

Perhaps Lewis would have just politely ignored the Farmer's statement that they were a wizard and that they would be happy to help him and the people of the Valley with potions, but still the Pelican Town Mayor decided to try his luck and ask the Farmer one specific question. Hmm? Why did Lewis need a stamina potion? Erm, well, Lewis wanted to start doing, er... exercise, and- Never mind, forget what he just said, Farmer.

You know that look on some parents' faces when their little child hands them a craft made of dirt or leaves, and the adults try to squeeze out a smile and say what an interesting thing their kid made? That's what was on Jodi's face when Farmer gave her the gift with a proud smile. Thank you so much for the fresh vegetables, Farmer, and, umm.... What's with the skull pendant with the glowing eyes? "Luck pendant? Ahahaha, how nice, thank you!" (Jodi dies inside).

A small woven basket, containing some fruit or goodies, and a small vial of purple liquid.... Almost everyone in the Valley had received a gift from the unusual Farmer, and Robin was no exception. The carpenter doesn't know what's up with the "potion to cure diseases", but she's just glad that the Farmer has fit into their little community so quickly and takes care of everyone like family. Robin smiles genuinely and is already on her way home with peaches given by the Farmer to treat her husband and her children.

One day Haley is sure to drop by the Farmer's to visit and ask them to let her have a photo session of their farm. Because this place is sure to be a winner in Zuzu City's "All About the Country life" photo contest! Plus, the blonde-haired girl discovered the delights of rural life, and the Farmer themself turned out to be a very interesting person. But Haley can't stand the smell of the cauldron. Why would the Farmer have a cauldron in his kitchen?

For about an hour now, poor Maru has been racking her brains and searching medical books and scientific articles for any information about the ingredients that the Farmers, as they themselves claim, put in the "potion". It's phenomenal - a liquid that instantly cured Maru's burn on her arm! (the result of a failed experiment). Poor Farmer only wanted to bring the young inventor the cure and fresh strawberries, but ended up being showered with a mountain of questions from a exited Maru. "Magic? Witches and wizards? Nonsense!"

Kent had been standing by the front door of the farmhouse for some more than ten minutes now, keeping his eyes fixed on the broom that was brushing the porch steps by itself. Either his nightmares had made him crazy, or those pickled mushrooms the Farmer had treated the military man with (and given several jars of mushrooms as a treat to his family) were laced with some sort of hallucinogen. Farmer stepped out onto the porch. "Ah, I can use magic to make a broom sweep!" Apparently it was the mushrooms after all, Kent thought.

Did someone say pendants with stones that have magical properties? Or dreamcatchers? Then Emily's on her way! Nothing brings the blue-haired girl more joy than discussions about amethyst, that ability to enhance the wearer's intuition, or the positive emotion-filled bracelets she's made for her friends. Granted Emily has a slightly different field (and Farmer's pendants are enchanted for real), but she would be the one closest to Farmer's interest in making trinkets of all sorts to help others.

Oh, Gus knows well that if he needs the best quality produce for his meals, the owner of the Saloon can ask the hard-working and kind Farmer for help. Admittedly, at times he is a bit taken aback when the Farmer still offers him unfamiliar herbs and products that they have made themselves. "Moon salt", what is that? Seems edible, even delicious! Definitely going into his escargot.

"That's the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life." Whoa, Pam, you don't have to be that blunt with the person you're getting a gift from. Yes, the bracelet may not have the most adorable look, but the Farmer is a spellcaster with experience, and this trinket will help bring Pam happiness, wealth, and- "Thanks for the mead and the parsnips, kiddo, but I'm not taking this creepy bracelet." Pam, don't be rude to the Farmer, where's your manners and gratitude?

Yoba, Harvey tries to be polite and patient, but he can't stay away when he sees Farmer offering other residents elixirs that, they say, will "instantly cure illnesses"??? He is a doctor, and has devoted years at university to curing people, while Farmer is engaging in, pardon his harsh words, quackery?! However, when the doctor is convinced that Farmer is a real wizard/witch, he quickly apologizes and goes into a crisis. Someone give this man a glass of wine or Harvey is about to freak out.

Oh, no, no, no, no! Pierre had already made a mistake once in his youth when he bought a "talisman that brings wealth and good luck" from a stranger who claimed to be a sorceress, but it turned out to be just a cheap glass craft. So he had to create wealth with his bare hands. The shopkeeper would refuse all the amulets offered by the Farmer, and the strange elixirs too. But to buy their homemade strawberry wine of iridium quality is always welcome!

When the Farmer had just arrived in Stardew Valley, Willy had once told them that he had an amulet against all sorts of misfortunes, which he had had to sell because the money was almost gone. The old sailor had already had time to regret it, but you can't bring back the past. Farmer remembered this moment, and out of kindness made a real sea amulet for Willy. And unlike the old one, this will definitely protect him from treacherous sirens or huge deep-sea monsters while fishing.

"So enchanting objects for each other is normal for humans?" Krobus had thought that only the Wizard had knowledge of the forgotten arts, but it seemed he had missed some details when he had studied the lives of the local people of Pelican Town. People usually don't do that? Oh, alright..

The amulet that Sebastian received as a gift from the Farmer looks so cool and creepy that Sebby has started wearing it with his everyday clothes. True, the young man was a little distrustful of the Farmer's words about the "enchantment" of this trinket. He was interested in all sorts of occult things, but was not sure about the magic. Farmer, in order to prove their words, gave him another "frog magnet" talisman. The next day, by Sebastian's surprised face and a dozen frogs jumping after him, it was clear that the local emo definitely believed now.

An enchanted pendant that allows you to see artifacts hidden from human eyes... That explains how the Farmers were able to find and provide Gunther with such rare specimens of forgotten civilizations. Did they make such an amulet themselves? Amazing! What? An amulet for him? Thank you very much, Farmer. Now together, the two of them can not only restore the local museum to its former glory, but also make it even better!

Penny doesn't know what the little bottle of liquid the Farmer gave her, but her flu is gone in just an hour after she empties the contents of the bottle. Thank you so much, Farmer, for helping the young teacher by giving her this medicine. "My pleasure, the elixir of healing diseases isn't that hard to make, the main thing is not to overdo it with the wolfsbane." "W- what?...." Penny didn't have time to ask again, as the Farmer handed her a basket of oranges and wished her good health, running off on their own.

Linus had time to show the young mage (yes, it's no secret to him that they have a magical gift) all the secret places to pick unusual berries and mushrooms. Because he knows that the Farmer will definitely use it in brewing elixirs to help people, and that can't help but please the good-hearted wild man. Plus, he has to say thank you somehow for that wonderful blueberry pie.

From the Farmer's window there is almost always the smell of delicious baked goods or the pleasant scent of flowers, and Sam, without noticing it himself, has begun to walk past the farm often. The young guitarist doesn't need to be told twice when he's invited for pie or maple donuts. Farmer is always happy to have guests, especially if the guests decide to brighten up their mornings with a beautiful music. "What's brewing in the pot?" "Elixir of immortality." "Cool. Wait, what...?"

"These leaves give the tea a rather unusual flavor. And I think I'm beginning to see... flowers in my eyes. Dear Farmer, are you sure you've worked the tea leaves properly?" Caroline, your tea made the Farmer's eyes see a white little man dancing on the edge of your mug. So don't go blabbing about the Farmer's homemade tea. They certainly know the basics of herbology and alchemy, and know how to brew the most complex elixirs. So don't even-

Given Dwarf's suspiciousness, they didn't take any medallions or elixirs from the Farmer at first, because it could have turned out to be a devious plan by the shadow people. What if there's poison in the bottle? Or the medallion reveals their location to the enemy? It takes a long time before they can trust the Farmer, and later they have something of a bartering relationship with potions (the Farmer gives Dwarf elixirs out of the goodness of his heart, but Dwarf insists that the Farmer needs to get something of equal value in return).

Hmm! Why would George want this useless trinket, even if it was free? So they could sit on a shelf and gather dust? Farmer, he doesn't believe in all that focus-pocus, so he doesn't need those strange and ugly bracelets and amulets that also smell weird. A spellcaster? Don't be absurd.

Farmers were so kind to come and visit, and they also brought some goodies: ripe berries, homemade cottage cheese... And they even brought George some ointment for his bad knees, how nice of them! And though it's not clear if Evelyn believes the ointment is magical, and if she knows that Farmers can cast spells and communicate with animals. The granny is just glad that such a kind and caring young person came to their house, and without cookies, which just had time to cool down, Evelyn will not let them go.

A lonely, city-weary man who had been hiding their magical talent was finally able to escape the suffocating clutches of a mega corporation to drop everything and move to the middle of nowhere where they could find their happiness and calling... Yes, Elliott is definitely sure that this would be the perfect story for his new novella. The writer was so taken by his own muse that he wasn't even surprised by the fact that the Farmers, in addition to caring for crops and livestock, can do magic and brew elixirs. Novella now, questions later!

Morris has absolutely no time for nonsense, why did the Farmer give him some strange liquid in a bottle? A cure for back pain? Very funny, but he wasn't born yesterday to believe that nonsense. Except that Farmer's curiosity and puppy eyes made Joja's manager take a sip.... And no more back pain! Hmm, interesting... Farmer, how about a contract to sell this miracle liquid?

_________________________________________

Note: I hope I didn't deviate from the main question because I couldn't decide if the people of Stardew Valley believe the farmer is a wizard/sorcerer/witch by default, or if some know and some don't? And how are talismans and potions even viewed from their perspective (Shane, at least, doesn't believe in magic, judging by the canon quotes). I'm open to feedback! 😃

[tw1l1te]

Heyy you fabulous writter! You've had me hooked ever since I first found a post of yours and I don't know if you're taking writing requests but if you are...I'd like to humbly request you to write this idea?🙏

Essentially I think it'd be really cute having a small one-shot of the LU boys in twilights hyrule and them meeting his S/O. His S/O can either be a simple farmer who grew up in the same area or the idea of someone he met on his journey who also had animal turning 'abilities'/features comes to mind so they understand each other more than most. IDK if it's a silly idea or not I just thinks the boys reactions (especially time teasing twilight and such) would be Hella cute! Anyways thanks and keep the good work up! 🫡

- Anon🧋

Yesyesyesyes living out my cottage core dream with mr. cowboy teehee

~

Twilight was getting giddier by the second as he approached Ordon, and the boys could tell. He was clenching and unclenching his fists, trying the keep the nervousness at bay, but how could he do that when he was about to see you. His beloved.

"I don't think I have ever seen you this jittery before, Pup. What's wrong?"

Twilight was about to answer him when they hear a loud gasp.

Twilight turns to see you on a tree above them, clad in what seems to be.... his old tunic? You jump down, hopping down branch by branch before landing inches away from Twilight.

"Oh by three- you're home! I missed you so much-"

He shuts you up, by pulling you in for a kiss, months of love and desperation melting onto you.

You had to pull away to avoid creating awkwardness for the others, "Alright, easyyy cowboy. Now why don't you tell me about your lil' friends?"

Time raises an eyebrow at him, clearly interested in your character.

"Oh! I completely forgot t' introduce myself! I'm Y/n, mister hero's partner."

Time nods, holding out a hand to shake.

"I'm Time, a... friend of Link's. We all met on his recent adventure."

You nod, squinting a bit at him, then eyeing the rest of them. You walk around them slightly, eyeing their garb and equipment a bit before nodding back at your boyfriend.

"They're Links too, aren't they?"

Legend jumps slightly at that, "How did you-"

You smile at him, "I gotta good nose."

Twilight shakes his head, chuckling "Alright, lets go back to the village before you start figuring everyone out."

You jog up to him, animatedly waving your hands, rambling about Colin and how good with swordsmanship he's become. Before you could continue rambling, Wind asks, "How'd you two meet?"

You and Twilight pause, looking at each other before responding.

"Oh, y'know, I met him on his quest during the Twilight Era. Stinky do-wait, they know, right?"

"They're too nosy for their own good."

"Right, so. I met him while I was in my alternate form. Fell on top of me from a brittle tree-"

"-Wait, you have a wolf form too?!" Wind exclaims, running up to you.

You snort, this kid's funny.

"Nah, that's hero's spirit and all. It's better if I show ya."

You focus for a moment before you feel the shift, still uncomfortable but so much less painful than the first time it happened, oh so many years ago.

Opening your eyes, you can feel your senses sharpen, everything intensifying tenfold.

"A fucking fox???!?!! Twilight, your wife is so cool."

"Not my wife yet, but thank you."

You walk up to Wind, cooing at him. He hesitantly pets your fur on your head, earning him a soft purr from you.

You walk up to the rest of them, just looking at them. You give a few extra sniffs to the pink-haired one, him smelling like hare.

Shifting back, you walk back to Twilight, your fur coat retreating back into your skin. You give him a peck on the cheek, continuing your way back to the village.

"Y'all coming or what?"

Twilight breaks out of his lovestruck trance, following you. Time walks up to Twilight, muttering to him,

"I can tell you've got a thing for foxy personalities."

"Oh, shut up."

[dizzybizz]

AITA if I accidentally left fish at my mayor's house for two weeks straight? And it left his house stinky?

OK- so I (26TM) moved to a small sort of isolated town during spring this year, where I work as a farmer on a farm my grandpa once owned. It's been great and I have really settled in over the course of the year.

Time passed and eventually fall was upon us. Now, during the middle of fall the town holds a small festival, where among other things you could set up a little stall with your finest products for a friendly competition and review. Our mayor (??M) hooked me up with one of those which was really nice- I had been doing a lot of fishing over the months and I had a few good ones to display so I did. I ended up getting second place- okay no, that is not really relevant-

But after the results were out, the mayor specifically reminded me to not forget to empty out my supply and bring it with my back home. He specifically went out of his way to remind me. Thing is... I might have gotten a bit caught up in the other festivities and fun things around (not my fault they were grilling burgers and had gambling). And I completely forgot, I only remembered the moment I stepped foot inside my room again.

Next morning rolls around and I wake up to a letter in my mailbox from the mayor explaining that the fish I had left were placed inside the town's Lost and Found. Which is just a big box inside his house. So I thought "OK, great. I'll head over today and retrieve them." Yeah, that didn't really turn out. I completely forgot, it completely slipped my mind. And that same series of events of - me recalling that I had stuff in the Lost and Found and meaning to go pick them up and forgetting - kept happening for a while. Until two weeks had passed and it was winter. And as I was passing the mayor's house the thought struck again. Except this time I actually REMEMBERED and WENT THROUGH WITH IT. So I knock on his door and I get let in, and the house smells like, well... rotten fish. I go straight to the box while talking about how I'm so sorry it took so long and that I was always getting distracted by this that and the other. And he's being all understanding and nodding along. But there is no way he wasn't at least a bit ticked off, right? And I do feel really bad but I cannot do much for my forgetfulness besides setting reminders maybe... maybe I will try that in the future.

AITA for forgetting to pick up my forgotten fish from my mayor's house?

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Best and Worst of Both Worlds (part 20)

Tw: a bunch of profanities, nothing much in this chapter , short chapter tho

Vote below, i will only count the first 20 votes

Part 21

"You are so funny, (name)!" She laughed and playfully slapped you on the shoulder.

You laughed along and continued your conversation with her.

You finished all your classes for the day. You agreed to accompany her to the cafe because you have five grand in your bank account, courtesy by Yves and you can afford to treat her and yourself.

You didn't touch the food Montgomery gave you. Neither did Evangeline, because she too suffered from bad food poisoning when eating at that takeaway. It was thrown in the trash by her, it twisted your heart a little but you knew it wasn't edible.

Yves sent you a couple of texts asking you to call him when you're free along with pictures of what he found interesting. You muted him and chose to interact with your new friend instead.

In the end, the two of you shared the same opinion of Montgomery, that he may be creepy, but ultimately harmless. It's as if you completely had the memory of him punching Yves in the face erased.

It's nice. Someone around your age that shares the same humor and interests. Someone human unlike Yves and someone socially adept unlike Montgomery.

Good god, you can't believe you somehow considered Montgomery a friend.

"Hey (name)? I got this crazy idea."

You asked her what it was.

"Let's do a prank call on Montgomery." You gasped and said no way. But your tone betrayed you, it does sound like a fun joke. As long as the proper safety measures are taken.

"It will be the funniest thing ever. C'mon, here's the plan."

The both of you huddled together and discussed her nefarious ideas.

__

Her internet sleuthing skills are impressive, to say the least. All he needed was his phone number and his first name. You managed to find out he came from a family of farmers, 20 hours by car away from the city. Montgomery has been to more than 10 cities in the past decade, working various jobs and then quitting it to move onto the next place.

He once rented an apartment, but was evicted when he couldn't pay his rent on time. So you and Evangeline assumed he was living out of his car since then.

"Oh wow. You are proactive!" Giggled Evangeline when she saw you already saved his number under "Do not answer".

She is using your phone. Evangeline dialed Montgomery's personal number and pinched her nose to create an unrecognizable nasally voice. It was set to speaker mode.

After a few seconds of ringing, someone on the other end finally picked up.

"Hello?" It's undoubtedly him, coupled with the sounds of jackhammers rattling in the background.

"Heller, is this Mr Yeller? Montgomery Elizabeth Yeller?"

"Yeah, you got the right person. Who is this?"

"Yerr, this is Anita. Do you remember me, Mr Yeller?"

There was a pause.

"No, your name ain't ringing a bell. Anita who?" He finally replied.

Evangeline struggled to stifle her giggles. "Last name, Bath."

"Anita...Bath?" Montgomery was genuinely trying to remember someone in his life named that.

"Yeah you fucking do, stinky." You and Evangeline burst out cackling.

Eventually, Montgomery caught on and became upset.

"Ha ha. Very funny, you little shits. How the hell did you get my number?"

"Through Joe!"

You and her giggled. You pressed your palm against your lips.

"...(Name)?" His voice became soft and hopeful.

Suddenly it wasn't funny anymore. You signal her to cut it out, but she squeezed your shoulder.

"Joe Mama!" She laughed so hard that she had to cradle her side.

"Of fuckin' course." Montgomery's tone returned to being unfriendly. "Don't you fuckin' kids have homework to do? Instead of wastin' y'all's time and y'all's future botherin' strangers?" He snarked.

"No, because we are smart enough to get a scholarship to Ligma!" You heard him scoff from the other side.

"The hell is Ligma? Ya think I fuckin' care if-"

"Ligma balls!" You and Evangeline had tears running down the side of your faces from chortling so hard. "Y-you fell for it three times, Mr Yeller! What the fuck?" Evangeline added between laughs.

"...Stupid good for nothin' kids." He grumbled before hanging up.

Evangeline tried calling immediately after. To your surprise, he still answered.

"I ain't playing with y'all unless you're callin' in to apologize."

"StinkySayHuh."

"Huh?"

You and her let out the loudest scream of glee that he managed to take the bait. The remainder of the call was filled with mocking laughing from you two.

"Y'all can go straight to hell." He scolded before hanging up.

You found it so hilarious despite it being juvenile humor, your howling turned silent and your face became red. You couldn't breathe from guffawing too hard.

"Again, again!" She pressed the button call on his number.

It was declined. She pouted while you're still recovering from your giggles.

She tried calling him repeatedly, but all other attempts went to voicemail. His phone wouldn't receive any texts either.

"Aw, looks like he blocked you." Evangeline handed your phone back to you. Grinning, you thanked her profusely, this is exactly what you wanted.

"No, thank you for hanging out with me. This is the most fun I've had for months!" You laughed along and took another look at your phone.

You had that instinctive jerk upon seeing the time. Her smile dropped and changed to a confused expression.

"What's wrong?"

You were in the middle of packing until you realized you didn't have to take the bus. You apologized and explained yourself.

"Oh, that's totally fine. Hey, what do you say we hang out at the beach?"

You told her that Mr Jones is probably waiting for you.

"Daddy isn't just driving one person around all day. He's like an on-demand taxi! He's going to come to you only after a phone call."

You never knew that.

"Besides, you don't have a stuffy ol' Sir Yves to entertain. You're free! You get to go wherever you want to, whenever you want to." She gave you jazz hands to bring home her point.

"The sun is out, but it isn't that hot. We can dip our feet in the water to cool ourselves down."

You rubbed your chin. That does sound nice, and you don't want to reject your only friend. It's not like you have anything to do at the moment.

"But we're gonna need to take the bus though. I haven't had my driver's license yet." She added.

It takes an hour to ride the bus from the university to the beach. You're full from the junk you ate from the cafe, and you have enough money to buy whatever you want from the stalls.

You could always call Mr Jones up to drive you home from the beach.

However, you should probably go home and talk to Yves. You're barely answering his texts while he was excited to show you the attractions around his hotel.

"So, what do you say, (name)?" She asked with a hopeful smile.

You thought about it.

[v-anrouge]

Vil dresses Ada up for every holiday, and she adores it every time!

Rook tries to dress his triplets up and they always destroy the outfits within an hour.

Vil can and does carry Ada like a baby, which she doesn’t like. He only does it when he has to get her into a car, airplane or go up an escalator.

Rook can carry all three dogs at once, Odette and Aubery under each arm, and Beau lays around his shoulders. Beau is the only one who likes it.

Vil does most of Ada’s Doberman grooming himself, but still does bring her once a year (or if a poodle, once a season) she basks in the attention

Rook tries to bathe his dogs, Aubery tolérâtes it, Odette is a biter when water is involved and gets muzzled for grooming visits, Beau screams the entire time.

Ada is a beloved actress nowadays, when Vil has to play villians, sometimes Ada will be with him in scenes.

Rook’s dogs are known for sometimes showing up on near by farms, and most of the farmers love them as they happily hunt rats but avoid the farm animals.

Ada loves socks, it drives Vil up the wall cause she adores his stinky socks the most. It’s cause it smells like him obviously, but why?

Odette huffs boots, only boots, no sneakers! Aubery steals pillows and stuffies, Rook always finds them under or behind the couch. Beau follows his favorite people around like a shadow and shoves his way into bathrooms with them. Rook hasn’t taken a shower alone in years.

Vil’s favorite dog sitter is weirdly Leona, as Leona has staff that treats Ada like the queen she is.

Rook’s fav dog sitter is Epel, as the triplets adore the orchards, and can run all day. Beau likes Epel’s granny the most and happily sits in the kitchen with her

WJEJSJDJSS dude seriously aguh u don't understand how much I needed this:(( thank you for always talking to me I love ur rambles im sobbing i need them all to be friends pls are they friends

[melsie-sims]

A little later in the morning, Iggy came to Harley with a brilliant idea.

"We have enough simoleons to buy a sales table," he said to the soaked farmer. "Why don't we try selling our produce at a markup? You have plenty of carrots and I have an inventory full of fish that's gonna get really stinky soon. It'll take us a lot longer to see a profit, but it might be worth it?"

"I think that's the most words I've ever heard you say all at once," Harley replied with a chuckle. "Actually, I don't think I've heard you say that many words altogether."

"It's a bad idea, isn't it? You'd rather just sell everything at once and use the simoleons right now..." Iggy sighed.

"Nah, I never said that! I think it's a fine idea. We'll do it your way, see what happens," Harley grinned.

And then they waited...

"So are customers supposed to just spawn onto the lot... or...?" Harley asked.

[howgalling]

That being said… the doll of my Farmer is going well!!

I also sewed and painted a stinky robe for her out of an old curtain, I need to bleach some sigils into it but it fits so good enough for me! I haven’t done anything like this before so I am the definition of winging it lol

I still haven’t decided how I’m going to do the hair, either hot glue for the goopy slime type effect or use the wig hair wefts I have somehow Hrmm

The mask needs sanding to shape it up and I need to very delicately paint some freaky teeth on too

[punchratt]

Who was going to tell me you can’t give your partner multiple bouquets now?!? I haven’t talked to Haley in a week and I bought flowers for her as a little apology!! I was trying to be romantic!!! Now I can’t woo my future wife?! My stinky little farmer just wanted to be cute :(